


Unequally Rational and Emotional

by Darkenning, OverMaster, Shadow_Crystal_Mage



Category: Ah! Megami-sama! | Oh My Goddess!, Batman (Comics), Darkwing Duck (Cartoon), Fate/stay night (Visual Novel), Mahou Sensei Negima!, Mai-HiME, Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-15
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-14 06:18:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 788,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/512220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkenning/pseuds/Darkenning, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverMaster/pseuds/OverMaster, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Crystal_Mage/pseuds/Shadow_Crystal_Mage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling of the Mahou Sensei Negima storyline with some major changes. The young Negi Springfield is assigned to live with two of his students... Hasegawa Chisame and Hakase Satomi. Rated M for some future chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lesson 0: Chisame and Hakase

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the autor of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

A special thanks to Finalage, and to my fellow posters at the Comic Book Resources Boards and the TV Tropes Forums, for their input and suggestions on this story. Your feedback is always greatly valued.

 

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL.

 

**Prologue:**

 

**One Year Ago.**

 

"You can go in without any fear, Hasegawa-san. There's nothing wrong in there."

A bigger lie had never been told before.

But trusting the busty woman's voice, since it was as sweet as honey and as trust-inspiring as an angel's, the young Chisame had nodded and walked in first. Only to stop immediately and yelp in horror at the sight of the scene waiting for her instead.

There was a naked mannequin of sorts over the room's main table, laying on its back with its vacant green eyes fixed on the roof above. The weird thing was the mannequin blinked at random intervals, and its chest rose up and then came down in a blasphemous imitation of human breathing, and its hands wiggled their long thin fingers as the girl looming over the doll's body worked on its mechanical entrails, her face covered by a wielding mask that barely allowed to see her black pigtails poking out of the back of her head.

"Sh-Shizuna-sensei!" Chisame screeched, rushing back to clash against the tall blonde's stomach. "What's that girl doing there?"

"Oh my!" the woman looked in, contemplating the delirious situation for a moment before calling out, "Hakase-san!"

"What?" a muffled question came from inside the mask. The masked girl's thin frame, hunchbacked over her awfully messy work, covered all over by large and smelly spots of grease, oil, and some substance eerily similar to thick, crimson blood, didn't move away from her labor at all.

"Hakase-san!" Minamoto Shizuna insisted. "Stop that immediately, or else you'll be reported to the Dean! I thought we had agreed you wouldn't bring your experiments here! You already have your own laboratory for that!"

Finally, that had made her to turn her welder off and lift the mask off her cute, bespectacled, dirty face. She gave the mature female a somewhat wounded look.

"B-But I'm almost reaching my deadline! If I want to finish before—"

"No excuses" Shizuna said, gentle but firm. "It's just rude to use the dorms for that, especially now you have a roommate."

"I'm not going to be her roommate!" Chisame had quickly protested.

"Now, now" the blonde had calmly pushed her forward, towards the other girl and the robot thing. "Like I said before, there's no need to fear, Hasegawa-san. She is a girl your own age, and not too unlike yourself. Hakase-san, this is Hasegawa Chisame, the student I mentioned to you earlier. Hasegawa-san, this is Hakase Satomi, your fellow student and roommate for the rest of the year, and hopefully beyond."

Chisame cringed while looking at the freak's face. And the freak looked back, with large and curious black eyes, full with an eccentric spark not too unlike that of a drunk monkey. Eyes that were pretty much the only clean thing in that face splattered all over with ill smelling chemical leftovers.

The freak was the one to break the awkward silence with an unfazed, "When did you mention a roommate?"

"Last week" Shizuna fought the vein threatening to pop up into her forehead back down.

"I don't remember that" the Hakase girl replied.

"I even left you a reminder note over your fridge," the sensei stated.

"You did?" the strange girl craned her neck back towards a door and into her kitchen. "Oh, it's true! Yes, I think I do remember now."

Chisame gave another imploring desperate stare up at the tall and attractive female. Sadly, she seemed unmoved by her plight, despite her soft smile and her patting on the poor girl's shoulders.

"She needs someone close around at all times to remind her about such things" Shizuna whispered. "She is a good girl. You'll get along well."

The mannequin chose that moment to creepily rotate her eyes towards Chisame, scaring her even more.

"Eeek!"

Shizuna barely could hold her down by the shoulders enough to prevent her from running away. "Oh dear, I forgot to introduce her! I'm terribly sorry. Hasegawa-san, that is Karakuri Chachamaru, another one of your future classmates at 1-A."

"What? She's the anatomic display for the class, you mean!" the brown haired girl quickly corrected her.

"Pleased to meet you, Hasegawa-san," the thing spoke with a soft, polite, but perfectly inhuman and sterile voice. "I will be glad to help you with anything I can."

Then it reached up with a hand, grabbing one of Chisame's to give it a gentle and feminine shake.

"Kyaaaa!" Chisame screeched, scared out of her wits. It was so cold! Like a corpse's!

She let the heavy handbags she was carrying to fall down and still attempted to escape, only to immediately stumble into the conveniently placed and firmly planted shapely body of Minamoto-sensei. "Please, you can't do this! You have to reassign me!" she begged.

"I'm afraid all other rooms are full by now" Shizuna commented, now almost sounding sympathetic, passing a hand through Chisame's hair. "Don't worry. Karakuri-san won't be spending most of her time here. She sleeps at the workshop."

"Actually, I haven't programmed her to follow sleep patterns yet," the dirty weirdo piped in. "I don't think I will, actually. Too bothersome, and there are more efficient ways to recharge energy. Oh, sorry. My manners."

She walked briskly to Chisame and quickly took her hands into a much firmer, almost tomboyish, rather clumsy handshake. "Excuse my forgetting you! I have been in an absorbing nonstop finishing procedure for Chachamaru for the last few weeks, and I haven't had the time for much else, I'm afraid. Want to watch?" she offered.

"Hakase-san, I think I have just told you to stop doing that here," Shizuna repeated herself.

"Oh, yes. That..." Hakase sighed, disappointed.

Chisame made a face, looking down at the prone object they seemed to be trying to pass as some sort of human being. "What... what is this... Why are you..."

"I am an artificial intelligence developed under commission of the Mahora Robotics Club," the mannequin informed flatly. "I am going to enlist in this year's first grade class A as a test of my capacities regarding interaction with Japanese modern society. As such, I eagerly look forward my continuing intermingling with your gracious person, Hasegawa-san."

"S-Stop that!" Chisame gasped. "The fact you're being so polite just makes you scarier!"

"Um, maybe I should readjust her speech patterns. Less flowery, more concise and to the point, okay? Okay. I got it," the Dr. Frankenstein wannabe absently stated while wiping her hands clean with a towel that had been laying over a nearby chair. She then handed it over to Chisame, who only then noticed her own hands were just as dirty after the mad scientist's handshake. With a disgusted grimace, she was fast to wipe them as clean as she could.

The whole living room was an absolute mess, as a matter of fact, and she was sure the rest of the dorm would be even worse. Would she have to clean all of that up? She couldn't set a webcamera and allow her just started community of fans to watch... THAT!... around herself. Her wonderful web project would die on its crib!

But of course, the girl with the messy pigtails who was looking at her face couldn't care any less about any of that, could she? She was just there, smiling as a dumb frat boy who had just farted.

Finally, Chisame dared to make the question she had been dreading for the last few minutes.

"Umm... where is the bathroom, please?"

"Well, heh heh" Hakase Satomi scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. "I don't think you should walk in there just yet. You'll see, I was testing Chachamaru's water endurance there a few hours ago, and—"

Chisame bit her lower lip, whimpering under her breath.

That would be a hideously long school year.


	2. Lesson 1: The New Teacher is a Child!

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the autor of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Again, thanks to everyone who continues making this project possible with their support.

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL.

**Chapter One.**

**One Year Later:**

"HAKASE!" The girl with the long brown hair yelled for the third time that morning. "Hakase, wake up!"

Her roommate only replied with a vague snore and a wave of a hand, turning her back on her and rolling aside so she was facing the wall now.

The standing girl fumed angrily. Fed up with it, she roughly grabbed the prone teenager and lifted her slim body up easily, forcing her to sit up.

"You shouldn't do that..." Hakase Satomi yawned loudly, keeping her eyes still closed. "Serious studies have proved that abrupt interruptions of the sleep periods can cause harmful effects on—"

"Forget those studies! **Our** studies are what matters now!" Chisame barked at her, perching her hands on her own hips in a challenging manner. "Today's the first day of the new term, remember?"

Hakase mumbled with a nod of her head. Her eyes still remained closed.

"Then stand up already, dammit!" Piping mad, the taller girl grabbed the mad genius and dragged her out of the lower bunk of their bed, making her to moan in incoherent displeasure. "Or I swear to God I'll leave you behind!"

Satomi whined sleepily as Hasegawa Chisame made her to raise her arms up to pull her pajamas' shirt off, then tugged her pants down. By now, the black haired girl had gained some more self awareness, though, and she was able to finish stripping while her roommate began unbuttoning her own pajamas.

"Do I really need to go?" Hakase asked lazily. "First days are nothing but useless introductions. I'm sure it won't make any difference if I stay here finishing—"

By then, Chisame already was fully naked, grabbing her by a hand, and interrupting her by dragging her out of the room and into the small shower cubicle.

The sudden hot waterfall on her body shook Satomi further out of her stupor, but Hasegawa wouldn't take any chances. She started to rub the shampoo on her hated roommate's scalp herself, washing her hair down like a pro.

"You don't need to do that, either..." Hakase yawned again, then coughed as water poured into her mouth.

"Oh, yes, I do!" Chisame insisted. "Because if I don't, you'll walk out of here with shampoo still on your hair, wearing your skirt backwards, and without your tie on! I won't march all the way to the classroom with a walking disaster area!"

The taller female idly wondered what had she done to deserve that as she soaped the shorter girl's back down. She hoped she'd never have to bear a child, but if she ever did, she was sure she'd get tons of prior experience by living with Hakase. That nerd was as hopeless with everyday life as she was bright with academics.

There were a few good things about rooming with her, of course. She was a great help with homework and study sessions; Chisame's grades had gone up from somewhat below the average to quite above it since she had moved with her. She also was always quick to fix her computers in any case she needed it (even when some malcontent troll or ill-loser competitor sent her a virus even she couldn't detect ror neutralize in time), something Chisame was certainly, all in all, thankful for (and part of the reasons why she was tolerating having to wash her back off now).

But mostly, Hakase kept the peepers away. Not intentionally, of course; but Hasegawa had quickly learned it paid off to allow her to use the living room for anything she wanted. The mere sight of that horror, that maelstrom of half finished mechanical abominations and discarded clothes, eternally with the stench of oil and rust floating all over it, was enough to prevent anyone from stepping further inside.

So Chiu had her privacy.

In turn, Satomi had learned to leave the rest of the dorm for Chisame to handle. She was no domestic expert herself, but compared to Hakase, she was Martha Stewart. If Martha Stewart were a cosplaying hacker.

That was another good thing about Satomi; she simply had no interest on Chiu's affairs. She didn't mock them, but she didn't fawn over them either. The first time she had put her eyes on the webpage, she only gave it a brief disapproving glare before turning away without saying a word. And that was it. She had as much interest on criticizing or praising Chisame's cosplay habits as Chisame had on analyzing or disassembling her stupid gizmos.

And they both liked it that way. It was a happily unspoken topic between them.

Now they were fully clothed and eating breakfast. Chisame had cooked, of course; again, she was no master cook, but necessity had taught her. Her roommate was unable to cook anything that didn't smell like a broken radiator and looked even worse.

She was slow as hell to eat, too. Except when she was in a hurry to finish some darn machine. She still had a piece of bacon in her mouth by the time Chisame had enough and pulled her out with herself.

"Come on! We're going to be late!"

"Wait, wait... Eating too fast, not to mention running so shortly afterwards, is unhealthy, didn't you know? Specialists from Toudai University have determined that—"

Again she was dragged along, a huffing Chisame keeping her firmly grabbed by a hand. Hakase had to run after her to keep her pace. Barely.

Even so, they still were the last two to make it to the classroom, although luckily for them, the teacher had not arrived yet, either. Obviously, Hakase didn't mind one way or another; like always, the first thing she did was to rush over to Chachamaru, to start the routine questioning on her latest developments and incidents, quickly taking notes, all under the blond Evangeline's indolent glare.

Chisame, like every other day, sat down next to the ever quiet Ayase Yue, both girls merely exchanging a brief 'Good morning'.

The hacker actually almost liked Yue. At the very least, she was respectful and mindful of her privacy. True, there had to be something deeply wrong with someone who kept such low grades despite reading so much (and always displaying a stunning intellect when asked about anything), not to mention her despicable tastes in juice flavors, but that still was small potatoes compared to the issues of the rest of the class.

Yue's pal Saotome Haruna sat next to a window, frantically doodling obscene sketches on a notebook, biting her lower lip.

Hakase's friend Chao Lingshen and her portly partner in crime Yotsuba Satsuki were selling hot meat buns along the desks.

The redheaded Kagurazaka Asuna fumed madly in her seat, with a large group of girls gathered around her listening avidly. Although too steamed up to explain herself clearly, she seemed to be saying something about someone replacing Takahata-sensei for that year. So Takahata was leaving the class, Chisame thought. A pity. He actually was one of the most normal teachers around. She truly hoped they wouldn't get Itoshiki-sensei instead.

Shiina Sakurako and Akashi Yuuna were distracting the Class Rep while the tomboyish Kasuga Misora and the tiny Narutaki twins set a standard foolish trap at the door. Chisame sneered. It was to be expected from the childlike twins, but Kasuga definitely should have known better by now, after her latest few stays at detention.

Her errant thoughts were interrupted by Konoe Konoka's perky and happy voice.

"Hey, hey, Chisame-chan!"

She gave the Konoe heiress a neutral look. The black haired girl could be annoying at times, but looking at those huge and cheerful dark eyes, it was nearly impossible to feel angry at her.

"What do you want?"

"I'm reading everyone's future! You want to know what's waiting for you in this new period, don't you?" Konoka giggled, then grabbed Chisame's right hand without really waiting for a confirmation. Yet her attitude was never pushy or rude, but simply too eager and fast to avoid. Hasegawa couldn't do anything but wait as Konoka kept looking at her palm, carefully, long and hard, making slight humming sounds every so few seconds. Until she finally let the hand go and merrily exclaimed. "You're in luck today! This is the day you're going to meet your fated love!"

Chisame couldn't help but violently jerk back with a full facial blush, even as she heard some other girls laughing at her reaction. "D-Don't say such stupid things!"

"It's okay! She's just joking" Kakizaki Misa waved a hand around. "That's the very same thing she just told me."

"Me too" the short haired Izumi Ako added, with a gentler, softer short laugh. "Konoka-san is truly a kidder!"

Konoka made the most adorable pouting face. "I'm not kidding! My predictions don't ever fail!". Instantly, she perked up again, looking at one of the seats at the back rows. "Ne, ne, Setchan! Don't you want to know your destiny in love, too?"

The thin and pale girl she was addressing looked aside with an indifferent expression.

"Not interested," she icily said.

Konoka's face fell down for a moment, but then she, along with most of the others, was startled by the sounds of nervous chattering right outside their door.

"It's them!" Misora grinned, with an evil spark in her eyes. Rushing back to her chair, she kept her vision fully focused on the door, like a hawk eyeing a mouse.

The door started being pushed open from the outside.

A small head peeked in carefully, looking inside with large chocolate eyes not too unlike those of a deer. It looked like, of all things, a boy. A child. Tiny bifocal glasses were on the bridge of his diminutive nose, and his dark brown hair seemed to have been combed as well as possible, only to fail at avoiding conveying its own unruliness.

He stared at them, and all of them stared back, suddenly gripped by an uneasy silence.

Then the eraser set on top of the door fell down towards his head.

It all happened in the blink of an eye, but Chisame still could notice it.

The boy had tensed up in alarm, and then, for some reason, the eraser stopped in midair for half a second. Only to reassume its fall just another split second later, and only after the kid stared up at it with a face of... guilt, actually. As if he had just done something he shouldn't have.

It wasn't until then that the eraser hit his head down, showering him with chalk dust.

But that wasn't the end of it, oh no. Misora was a craftswoman, a master of her technique. A simple eraser would never suffice. So, as the boy coughed, stumbling inside, his right foot clashed against a tightly tensedwire. Naturally, he fell down on his face, just as a bucket full of water fell onto his head, and several arrows with suction cup points were shot from the walls and all over his body.

Wile E. Coyote would have clapped.

But 2-A, even Misora herself, had gulped in horror as a single woman. All of them but Evangeline and Zazie Rainyday, always silent, always stonefaced.

The boy just laid there, pitifully, as soft sobs could be heard from inside the bucket. Behind him, right at the doorway, Minamoto Shizuna stared, wide eyed, until she focused her view narrowly into her usual main suspect.

"Kasuga-san..." the adult woman said.

Misora looked aside nervously. "I didn't do it, no one saw me doing it, you can't prove anything!"

The Class Rep already was crouched down at the boy's side, carefully removing the bucket from his head, lovingly drying his tears with her soft and skilled fingers. "Oh dear! I'm so very sorry! It's my fault! I should have checked!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Narutaki Fumika hyperventilated. "We thought you'd be our new teacher!"

"It's only a child..." Sakaki Makie once again showed her talent for the obvious.

"No way! He must be a circus midget!" Narutaki Fuuka gasped.

 _Well, you should know a few things on the matter_ , Chisame thought cynically.

"Actually, he indeed is your new teacher" Shizuna replied, helping him to stand up. "Negi-sensei, please introduce yourself."

"Y-Yes!" wiping his face as clean and dry as he could with a fine tissue the Class Rep had offered him, the child faced his dazzled audience and cleared his throat. "G-Good morning, everyone! Pleased to meet you! My name is Negi Springfield, and starting today, I'll teach you mag— I mean, English, as your homeroom teacher! Please, let's all do our best here!"

For a moment, you could have heard a needle falling at the classroom. All the girls seemed to have turned into salt statues.

That was until Haruna sprang up with a high pitched squeal.

"HE'S SO CUTE!"

That was the go sign for more than half of the class to charge forward and pounce onto him, tackling him against the teacher's desk and burying him into a cascade of hugging bodies. Even the normally reserved and stoic Ookuchi Akira had joined them, with a blush running over her cheeks.

Still firmly planted at her chair, Chisame took a look at the few others left behind. Yue shrugged her shoulders indifferently, then pulled one of her infernal juice boxes out and took a first sip from it.

Hakase just stared vacantly at the front of the room, as if her brain was in a rebooting. Her face betrayed no emotion at all, and for once, Hasegawa found her absolutely impossible to read.

Evangeline seemed to scowl a little, but then again, that was her overall attitude towards everything.

Chachamaru took readings of the scene through her now slightly glowing green eyes, and you almost could hear the little beepings and boopings going on inside of her head.

Setsuna was simply looking out a window.

Zazie had pulled a few balls out of her handbag and was now juggling them, oblivious to everything around herself. For the first time in her life, Chisame envied her.

The hacker made her way to the vaguely amused Shizuna. "Sensei" she humorlessly told her. "This is a joke, right?"

"I'm afraid not" Shizuna said. Chisame hated that tone in her voice. It was the very same one she had used when she had stuck her with Hakase little more than twelve months ago.

"How old are you?" the scarlet-haired Asakura Kazumi had swiftly reentered her class reporter mode, fishing a microphone out of her backpack and pushing it against the kid's mouth.

"Ehhh!" he blinked. "Oh, well, I'm ten!"

"Where are you from?" Murakami Natsumi asked. "You sound like a foreigner."

"I... I come from the mountains of Wales..." he blabbered nervously.

"That's near Spain, right?" Makie wanted to know.

"Where do you live now?" Kugimiya Madoka spoke next.

"I... It hasn't been decided yet..."

Right then, however, a taller, stronger girl pushed Madoka aside and grabbed the boy his shirt, pulling him face to face with herself. He was looking at a mismatched set of a blue eye and a green one now. Asuna.

"You, brat!" she barked. "What was that thing you just did with the eraser?"

"... What?" he yelped.

"Don't play the fool!" she shot back. "We all saw it, didn't we? No matter how you look at it, it's simply impossible!"

Chisame found herself nodding at it. For once, Asuna was right. She had noticed it too. Hadn't the others...? They couldn't not notice it, right? But looking at Satomi's clueless face, it was painfully clear that yes, some of them had missed the detail.

"It must have been a freak breeze" Misa piped in.

"INSIDE OF A BUILDING?" Asuna noted.

"It'd get in through a window" Naba Chizuru opined.

"NOT MOVING ANYTHING BUT AN ERASER?" Asuna claimed.

"Asuna-san, please!" the blonde Class Rep raised her voice, slamming a hand down on the desk a few times. "Let our teacher go right now!"

The redhead growled at her. "I'd be very happy to let him go for good, yes!".

The elegant, refinated class president huffed at her. "As expected from a violent maniacal ape like you. You show no respect neither for authority, nor for the defenseless".

A vein popped into Asuna's forehead. "Maniacal... ape...?"

"You have not evolved beyond that" the Iincho was unfazed. "Clearly, the young gentleman you are manhandling is a prodigy of his field. We all should feel honored to have him here. Perhaps he could achieve the miracle of teaching you anything other than the alphabet".

Asuna let the child go to face her natural nemesis. "What's with you now, being so sure about this twerp?"

"Hm... It's painfully obvious for anyone with a few working brain cells" the blonde casually brushed a lock of golden hair off her own forehead. "Mahora Academy only employs the best of the best, and for some foreign youngster to be working here, he must be nothing but the pinnacle of precocious experience".

Asuna chuckled knowingly. "Yeah, right, I'd bet you want to have some precocious experience with him."

The Class Rep narrowed her eyes, as if she had felt something biting her. "What do you mean with that?"

Asuna said only one word. "Shotacon."

That had done it.

"WHAT?" the refinated girl stopped being so refinated as she jumped straight for Asuna. "Take that back, you... you... graverobber! It's not my fault you can't realize your dreams of hitting on every elder man that walks your way!"

They started struggling with each other, as the girls around them cheered on wildly, and Shizuna and the child made their best to keep them apart from tearing themselves into pieces.

"AT LEAST I LIKE THEM OF LEGAL AGE!"

"YES, IT'D WORK FINE IF **YOU** WERE OF LEGAL AGE TOO! SHAMELESS LOLITA!"

"I'LL GET OLDER, BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET AS YOUNG AS THE BABIES YOU HARASS!"

Chisame buried her face into her hands. Even Itoshiki-sensei would have been better than that.

**LATER.**

The fact Chisame had learned how to cook due to the circumstances of her life with Hakase still didn't mean she liked to do it. So, whenever they had enough money, they would go have dinner at the Chao Bao Zi. The small restaurant's owner, their class' own Chao Lingshen, was Satomi's closest research colleague, so they always got a special discount. And there was no point on denying the food was delicious.

So, that evening, they had ended up there as well. Chisame wasn't in the mood to cook at all. They sat together eating their bowls of ramen at the counter bar, while Chachamaru and Yotsuba served the tables and Chao herself counted the night's income at the register box.

"So, what do you think about the new teacher, neh?" the fair skinned Chinese girl finally asked them.

"I think it's a mistake" Chisame spoke coldly. "What can a freaking child teach us?"

"Oh, I don't know. His first class today was rather good and to the point-yo..." Chao mused quietly. "As soon as he finally could separate Asuna and the Iincho..."

"It's all the same for me" Hakase answered with a very short shrugging of her narrow shoulders. "In any case, I've never met any teacher who knew more than me, child or adult."

From the mouth of anyone else, it'd have sounded as a hideous, megalomaniacal boast, but somehow, Hakase made it to sound simply like a matter of fact devoid of any emotion. Mainly because it was completely true.

Chao hummed to herself as she closed the register. Something was wrong with her, Chisame suspected. She seemed unusually introspective and calmed after joking with the others about Negi, and since the day's class had finished. Not like Chisame cared, of course.

Of course.

Later, as she and Satomi walked back to their dorm, she, for once, felt tempted to ask the scientist a personal question.

"Hakase?"

"Yes?"

"Didn't you notice anything strange with Lingshen today?"

"What? Huh, no. I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing. Forget it."

"Oh, sure."

She had sounded almost too happy to say that. And it was true. If there was something Hakase could be trusted on, that was on her forgetting anything not related to science.

However, Chisame's temporal peace of mind was soon shattered once more while approaching their dorm. There was someone inside, since there was light coming out of one of their windows. But how...? Chisame ran fearfully to the door, dreading the end of her golden Internet empire. If anyone had learned her secret, she would never live it down. She'd lose the perfect balance she had fought so hard to achieve!

She was mildly relieved to see it was Shizuna-sensei inside, and not any of her classmates. Then her spirits sunk back down when she saw him with the woman, both of them sitting at the couch, watching TV.

The brat.

"My, my, you two sure took a long time to arrive!" Shizuna greeted the girls. "Sorry for intruding, but we waited outside for too long, so I decided to use the master key."

"Good evening," Negi bowed respectfully.

Chisame hoped she wasn't as pale with shock as she felt. If only she could look as unaffected as Hakase was... "Wh-Why did you two 'need' to get in here?"

"Well, you will see, Dean Konoe gave a special instruction for Negi-sensei to move here until we can find a permanent place for him," Shizuna informed.

"I'm sorry to be a bother" the boy apologized.

"What?" Chisame snapped. "He's supposed to be a teacher, isn't he? Why can't he stay with any other teacher?"

"Most of us either live too far, or have children of their own, or simply have far too small living quarters," the beautiful blone explained patiently. "He can't live alone, and your other classmates are too... enthusiastic or too... complex for a child to be trusted to them."

Chisame made a face. How desperate they had to be for the two of them to be their best hope? In any instance, it was logical to guess the old man wouldn't dump that load on his beloved grandaughter. Damn favoritisms.

Satomi didn't look too shaken by the news, but still seemed wary in her own way. "I don't think I could carry my experiments with full freedom if I have him running around," she informed dutifully.

"You shouldn't be carrying experiments here in the first place," the adult reminded her.

Hakase sighed. "It always has to be that loophole, doesn't it?"

Negi lowered his gaze to the big travel bag laying at his feet, looking humble and saddened.

"In any case, it's a direct command from the Headmaster himself," Shizuna insisted. "There's no use on trying to refuse it."

"But, if there's no place for me—" Negi started.

"There it is" Minamoto stated conclusively.

Chisame grumbled. At the very least, all her Chiu wardrobe and related items were safely stocked into her special closet, away from indiscret eyes for the moment. "How long will that take?" she wanted to know.

"As long as a better arrangement can be found," the woman said.

In Mahora Academy burocratic terms, that meant, 'It's intended to be permanent, so you'd better shut up and take it', as Chisame knew from experience. It was the same reply she got back when she first attempted to file a petition to be transfered to a solo room all those months ago.

Both girls looked at each other's eyes, and found no clear answer, but still, Chisame decided not to delay the unavoidable anymore. "Okay," she gave a sigh. "He can stay. For now."

The child beamed up a huge, cheerful smile, as bright as the Sun, hated bane of any reclusive hacker. "Thank you very much!" he chirped joyfully.

Good Lord, he was so sickeningly sweet. Was he for real? Chisame already had her strong doubts.

But mostly, she was terrified about what new roommate would they give her the **NEXT** year.

**ELSEWHERE AT MAHORA:**

The bedroom Chao Lingshen shared with Yotsuba Satsuki was completely silent save for the plump girl's soft dreamy breathing on the bed's lower bunk. Chao couldn't help but smiling as she looked down at that innocent and full face, so unsuspecting, so blissful.

The Chinese girl sat by her desk near the bed, breathing deeply before taking her gaze apart from her roommate and opening her secret journal. Sometimes, such a primitive, normally laughable medium was the best option for filing information. It couldn't be hacked into. It was completely private, and fully unexpected from someone with her preferences.

And it was fully written in code. Her own code. Only she knew about it, or about the journal's very existence; she had memorized the whole code and left no decoders anywhere. No Rosetta stones to unearth, ever. No one would even know about their existence. Not Satsuki. Not Chachamaru. Not Satomi. Certainly not Ku Fei, who wouldn't have been able to even begin to understand her writings if left with a full manual to decipher her clues, that poor wonderful soul.

It was her own, exclusive and most valued secret. The whole, full weight of it all was her own cross to carry. No one else's.

**Entry: Day One-Stage One-Attempt Number (CLASSIFIED).**

_The main subject, Negi Springfield, arrived today as expected. No major departures from prior iterations were observed in Class 2-A's reactions to his appointment. The subject also seems to follow the same behavioral and ethical patterns experienced in prior repeats of the procedure. (FURTHER RESEARCH REQUIRED)._

However, my family tree has changed again.

The 'branches' are still basically the same, but their order has shifted once more. As long as I keep the same core DNA makeup and upbringing background, I should be okay. But I cannot keep doing this for much longer. Soon, I will age enough to make for an unconvincing student for this class.

I might have to start looking into developing a permanent extract derived from the Age Deceiving Pills. However, such a change is difficult to hope to achieve even with my current resources. Not even Mc Dowell has managed to perfect any sort of magic that can grant her a permanent physical age different from that she had upon reaching her current status. As a human, I am unlikely to achieve what she couldn't in that regard.

She looked at her face in the desk's mirror. The secondary effects of constant time travelling had been kind to her. She still looked the same as always, didn't she? Yes, she did, Chao decided. At least she hoped so; betting on the memories from prior loops once their events had been overwritten was always a risky gamble. She still could pass as a fourteen years old for a few iterations more, although she truly wished it wouldn't be needed. It was getting harder and harder to keep the facade... not the physical one, but the emotional one... with each passing try.

She went back to her writing.

_My sources have informed me the subject will be designated to cohabit with Hasegawa Chisame and Hakase Satomi for this occasion. This could be useful; proximity through Satomi could allow me to keep a closer watch on him than before. By now, I am convinced that might be the key to my success._

Then again, proximity to him could also be my undoing.

_I write these lines as a future reminder to myself, to not get emotionally involved beyond the limits that have been proved being hazardous to the mission in the past. Emotional links are always a need in the context of the situation at hand, both for the sake of my own mental health and my interactions with the subjects, but I cannot allow myself more mistakes born out of my subjective feelings. Time and time again I have failed, both when I try to get too involved, and when I try to get too distant. Why? Where, do I wonder, is the perfect point to access the desired result? Is there such a thing in the first place?._

_Am I afraid of leaving again? Do I want to belong so much? Am I so afraid of going through the heartache one more time? Of fighting him yet again? And of seeing my efforts ultimately failing once more no matter if I defeat him or not?._

_Exactly what do I need to do that I haven't done before? That is the question I need to answer to solve this riddle._

_I am so tired of trying, and yet I cannot quit it. Is the future impossible to change? No. I cannot allow myself such expressions of selfdoubt and despair. Not when I might be so close to a breakthrough._

_That is why I keep writing this._

_I trust we will find a way. With any luck, it will happen in this very same loop._

_There ARE a few things I have not tried yet. Perhaps, it is a matter of attempting another approach. A different angle._

_Hopefully, the new factors added to the continuum in this repeat of the overall situational frame will grant me the chance to actually make a difference now._

She closed the journal with a sigh, locked it down at its secret place, and kissed the sleeping Satsuki's forehead lightly. She climbed up into her bunk with an athlete's agility, slipped the blankets over herself, and tried to sleep.


	3. Lesson One Point Five

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the autor of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

A special thanks to Finalage, and to my fellow posters at the Comic Book Resources Boards and the TV Tropes Forums, for their input and suggestions on this story. Your feedback is always greatly valued.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL.**

**CHAPTER ONE POINT FIVE: FIGHT ON, BAAAAAAKA RANGERS! Part One.**

_We may be out of continuity,_

_But we won't show fragility_.

 _We may be nothing but a joke segment_.

 _But our buttkicking is simply excellent_.

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! Struggling hard with homework!_

_Don't ever blame us, the writer is a dork!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! Chiu and the Prof took over the plot!_

_But who cares? We got a giant robot!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! No matter who loses or wins_

_At least we're not the Narutaki twins!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! PUTTING ALL EVILDOERS TO REST!_.

 _GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! SAVING THE WORLD, BUT FAILING THE TEST!_.

Kagurazaka Asuna raced through the conveniently lonely streets and to the frontlines as her wristwatch intercom filled her with the details.

"Asuna-kun!" it was saying. "Terrible news! The newest monster from the Chiu Empire, Rakanator 3000, is harassing all girls at Mahora City and stealing their panties! Police Are Useless! Only you, the Baka Rangers, can stop him!"

"Roger, Professor Akamatsu!" Asuna nodded energetically. "We won't let you down! Team!" she called out to the four other girls just arriving the scene. "It's morphing time!"

"Yeah!" Kaede, Yue and Ku Fei all agreed.

Asuna thrusted her hands forward. "By the Power of Tsundere Twin Tails! A champion of heterochromia! BAAAAAKA RED!"

The athletic redhead, Kagurazaka Asuna, stood there in her skintight red costume!

Kaede thrusted her hands forward. "By the power of Uzumaki Naruto! A champion of all busty ninja! BAAAAKA BLUE!"

The tall and cool older sister figure, Nagase Kaede, stood there in her skintight blue costume!

Yue thrusted her hands forward. "By the power of Underachieving Slacking! A champion of expresionless deadpanning! BAAAAKA BLACK!"

The short and cute librarian, Ayase Yue, stood there in her skintight black costume!

Ku Fei thrusted her hands forward. "By the power of the Great Wall! A champion of kenpo! BAAAAAKA YELLOW-ARU!"

The perky and happy go lucky martial artist, Ku Fei, stood there in her skintight yellow costume!

However, Sakaki Makie didn't move at all then.

Asuna looked at her. "What's wrong, Makie-chan? Strike your pose and say your piece! It's your turn!"

"Oh, no, no, no no!" the young gymnast shook her head wildly. "I've just finished watching the second anime series! I know not only I won't be able to complete my intro, but something horrible will happen to me after that! I don't want to do this!"

"What are you talking about?" Asuna complained, cocking her head aside. "Don't be silly! Transform now so we can go kick that monster's butt!"

"I said I don't want to, and you can't force me!" Makie insisted.

"Don't ever say that, Makie-dono" Kaede asked her softly. "You're a key part of this team. Without you, we just couldn't work at all-de gozaru."

"Kaede's right" Yue nodded. "As long as we are all together, there's nothing to fear. We won't allow anyone to cut your speech short".

"And if someone threats you, we all would gladly risk our lives for you!" Ku Fei stated with extreme sincerity.

"Girls..." Makie's eyes watered. "THANK YOU! You're the best friends I could ask for! I'm sorry I was dumb enough to doubt you!"

Asuna grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "Once a Baka, always a Baka! Now transform and shine, okay?"

"Y-Yes!" the gymnast gulped. "I'm going to do my best!"

Makie thrusted her hands forward. "By the power of Nadia Comaneci! A champion of Ribbons and Cute Things! BAAAAAKA PINK!"

The charming and petite pink haired girl, Sakaki Makie, stood there in her skintight pink costume!

"BAAAAKA RANGERS!" all five of them struck a dynamic pose together. "VANQUISHING EVIL AT ALL TIMES IT CAN EXCUSE US OUT OF CLASS!"

Then Kaede opened a normally always closed eye as if some rather bad sensation had just struck her. "By the way... don't you feel some kind of draft right now, de gozaru?"

She, Asuna, Yue and Makie all looked down at their lower bodies, only to see, much to their shock, their pants and underwear had just been taken away.

"... Damn" even Asuna was too impressed to feel anger for the moment. "That Rakanator guy's good."

Ku Fei made a small, catlike grin. She giggled with a slight blush on her face. "Yes. Very, very, very good, aruuuuu..."

All the other four Rangers simply gave her a stunned stare.


	4. Lesson 2: E-Girl Life

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the autor of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

 

But of course, you have heard that before.

The guest star introduced in this chapter will pop up from time to time to make small cameos, but this won't be a fully fledged crossover at all. (AUTHOR'S EXTRA NOTE: At least, that was the intention back when I first wrote this chapter. Boy, things HAVE changed ever since). Sorry for those who don't know _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ , but in any case, it's a great series and you should give it a try. For those of you familiar with the character, I hope you like my particular spin on him.

By the way, _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all related characters belong to series creator Kumeta Koji.

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL, CHAPTER 2.

**Act One:**

It was, without a shadow of doubt, Hasegawa Chisame's fondest dream.

She sat at the head of Class 2-A, on a golden, richly decorated throne, wearing a gorgeous pink dress, like a fairy tale princess. Hakase and the brat were on their hands and knees before her, both of them serving as stools for each one of her feet. The rest of the class paid tribute knelt down across the classroom.

"I'm sorry for being such a stuck-up Shotacon!" Ayaka said.

"I'm sorry for being so stupid!" Makie said.

"I'm sorry for being so arrogant despite being nothing but a midget with awful grades!" Evangeline sobbed pitifully.

"I'm sorry for being so nosy!" Kazumi said.

"I'm sorry for being a robot!" Chachamaru said.

"I'm sorry for being so freakishly tall and old-looking!" the deeply tanned Tatsumiya Mana added.

"WE'RE ALL SORRY FOR BEING SO STRANGE!" they all chorused, hailing her. "WE'LL BECOME A NORMAL CLASS FOR YOU, CHIU-SAMA!"

The Queen of The Internet laughed and laughed. Relaxing back on her throne, she felt a soft warm breeze caressing her face lovingly.

Chisame stirred on her bed as Negi's soft breath blew into her face at short intervals, the boy making the shortest, cutest tiny snores you could ever imagine. His lips seemed to look for something, pouting up for a kiss.

"Sis..." he whispered longingly.

Chisame's eyes opened themselves very slowly. Which one of the peasant freaks had just dared to name her as her sister? She would teach her, she would...

She would quickly panic at seeing a pouting small mouth hovering scarce inches away from her own! Aiming for a full-on kiss on the lips!

Her scream of terror shook the whole room down to its foundations.

At the dorm room next door, Miyazaki Nodoka woke up with a start. Then she was afraid since everything was pitch black despite her eyes being open now. Then she remembered to brush the thick long bangs of dark hair from her face, and she sighed with relief as she found herself staring at the ceiling.

"I wonder what was that?" Yue's quiet voice came from the lower bunk.

"It... It sounded like Hasegawa-san..." Nodoka's beautiful, shy voice cracked nervously. "Maybe we should—"

She could hear Yue rolling on her side below her, huffing sleepily. "For Chisame? No thanks."

Nodoka sighed.

Back at the next room, Satomi yawned as she finally could wake up enough to see Chisame, red faced, standing next to the bed, with an ashamed Negi withstanding the weight of her verbal onslaught.

"What the hell were you trying to do?" she screamed.

"I... I'm sorry..." he whimpered. "I'm used to sleep with my sister, and I sleepwalk sometimes..."

"What kind of sleepwalker goes up a bunk when he can stay below?" she demanded to know. "Why didn't you sneak into Hakase's bed?"

Numbly, Hakase's rational brain wondered if that statement should offend her in some form. Her reptilian brain, however, just told it to shut up and go back to sleep. The rational brain stomped its primitive counterpart down, all the while rationalizing Hasegawa's question did have some logical sense and it shouldn't be taken as any sort of offense. Hakase herself was just too tired to pay attention to either brain for once.

"You... You smelled more like my sister..." he was defending himself.

"Mmm?" Satomi casually sniffed the air. "Sensei, since you bring on the topic of smell, and hoping you don't perceive my words on this matter as any kind of personal insult regarding your personal presentation... Might I inquire if you are, as I suspect, the source of this sudden peculiar nefarious fragance?"

Chisame scowled, then sniffed at him, closely, making him to sweat bullets. "She's right! You stink like a corpse! Since when haven't you showered?"

"Th-That's... that's quite a rude question to ask from anyone, Hasegawa-san!" the boy protested. "As your teacher, I must object on such manners!"

"Spoken by the perverted brat who sneaks into girls' beds!" Chisame retorted. "Answer my question, will you?"

He shrank down, unable to speak.

Hakase sighed, then sat upright on her bed's edge and motioned for him to get closer. "Come here. You can confess the truth to me. I will not, under any circumstances, lose my emotional control" she promised.

He trusted her enough to obey her, whispering something into her right ear.

"Ah. I see" she nodded calmly. "That's actually quite unhygienic. You could adquire several skin diseases, and even parasitary infections, that way. No, I don't quite believe the use of colognes will solve the problem. No, not even Old Spice. Chisame," she called over. "He claims suffering from an acute fear of baths. Do you think it could be labeled as hydrophobia?"

A vein bulged up on Chisame's forehead. "I understand..."

Silently, without exploding or lashing out again, she gently pushed Negi out of the bedroom, then closed the door behind him. The boy breathed easier, believing the worst had passed by. The poor fool.

One moment later, Chisame opened the door again, now clad in nothing but a navy blue school swimsuit. And carrying a large basket full with bath products and utensils in a hand.

"Oh, no!" he gasped aloud.

"Oh, yes!" she grabbed him and pulled him back inside. "Okay, take those pants off! The shirt, too! Didn't you want to sleep with your Big Sis, perverted brat? And kiss her? Well, consider yourself lucky! Your Big Sis is going to give you a bath!"

"Oh, no, no...!" he cried. "Mercy...!"

Satomi gave them a still sleepy look. "Our shower is far too small for someone who struggles around that much. Could I suggest taking him to the public bath instead?"

"And giving him that much open space to run away? I don't think so!" Chisame was applying her best attempt at a wrestling supplex on him while stripping him of his underwear. "And besides, only an idiot would take him to a place where there are bound to be several naked girls!"

"I... I... I'm your teacher! You can't do this to me!"

Ignoring his desperate pleas, the brown haired teen tossed him into the shower cubicle, followed him in, and closed the door from the inside.

"HAKASE-SAAAAANNN! PLEASE HELP MEEEE!" he bawled, right before the sounds of running water suffocated his voice.

Satomi looked around for her glasses, only to realize she had slept with them on. She yawned, got up, and went to use the toilet.

"NOOOOO! THE SHAMPOO GETS ON MY EYES...!" he screamed. "IT BURNSSSS USSSS! IT BURNSSSS USSSSS!"

"IT WOULDN'T GET INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU STOPPED MOVING SO MUCH!" Chisame's voice howled.

Humming the Futurama theme, Satomi washed her hands off and waddled her not so graceful way to the kitchen.

"DON'T TOUCH ME DOWN THERE!" he was begging now. "NO! NO! NOOOO!"

"I DON'T LIKE IT ANY MORE THAN YOU DO!" Hasegawa assured him.

At the next apartment, Nodoka sweated profusely as she served Yue her breakfast. Her eyes were larger than ever behind her concealing bangs of hair.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say they have trusted them with Negi-sensei's care" Ayase commented, pouring herself a big glass of raspberry juice.

Nodoka just nodded uneasily.

Hakase finished eating her suspicious looking just made sandwiches, making sure to leave a few for her roommates before heading for the dresser. She was sure they'd like the chocolate and mustard combination as much as she did. For now, however, she had more important things to think about than Sensei's insistent bangings on the door, begging for a rescue.

Things like... SCIENCE! The Cyberdine Labs exposition would come today at the Robotics Club, and she wouldn't miss it for anything! So enthusiast she was about it she forgot where she had put her tie last night as she quickly fixed her shirt, but even then, those were minor details. Just like her socks. Eh, she always lost one of each pair, but she was reasonably sure no one would notice if she wore mismatched ones today.

"I'll go on ahead!" Hakase announced as she hopped out of the dresser still tying her shoes, failing to notice her skirt was backwards. "Hurry up in there or you'll get tardy!"

"DON'T GRAB ME THERE!" Chisame's voice had just shrieked.

"S-S-SORRY! THE SHAMPOO HAS LEFT ME BLIND!"

With a contented smile for the possibilities of the newborn day, Hakase ran out towards the school.

**Act Two:**

Ayaka had chewed Satomi down when she put foot on the classroom, scolding her for her unforgivable transgressions to the dress code. The genius had nodded and muttered the token absent excuses while adjusting Chachamaru's left elbow, which needed maintenance that morning for some reason Evangeline had refused to explain.

Then Iincho had also chewed Chisame out when she finally arrived with Negi in tow, blaming her for not taking care of Hakase's appearance. Hasegawa's protests about herself not being the babysitter for anyone of her own age fell into deaf ears until the teacher had asked for silence for the class to start. Now that had silenced the classy blonde in the spot. For which, truth be told, Chisame had felt mildly grateful.

The day's lesson had gone rather well compared to that of the day before, at least until poor Asuna had been called to read some lines of a short English text. After struggling to only blurt out a savage butchering of the original paragraph, Iincho had mocked her lack of talents in a not-subtle-enough way to quickly offend the redhead, and then the fight was on again, despite Negi's loudest protests for them to stop.

Chisame shook her head at the random lunacy surrounding her. Would every day be like that from there on? Maybe she should ask for a transfer... that Tomobiki place Kazumi had rumored about wasn't sounding that bad now...

Mercifully, the ending bell had sounded then, saving Sensei from being knocked out between both students. Negi had quickly blurted a few homework items for the next session, struggling to be heard over the happy chattering of the students leaving and the still heated retorts between Asuna and her hated rival; only his roommates, Chao, and the four girls he had listed on his class roster as the Library Exploration Club seemed to be taking notes at that point.

Out of those four, the one named Konoka, the Dean's grandaughter herself, had finally managed to placate Asuna enough to carry her out and away. That had left Ayaka behind, snapping back to reality and noticing she had just given quite another bad show in front of her admired Sensei. She melted into apologizes to him, and Chisame almost would have allowed it to go and go just for the novelty of seeing Iincho groveling to anyone, which somehow gave her a strange sense of satisfaction. But alas, she had to leave; Chiu's time was almost there, and tempting as it was to leave the brat behind, Hakase was already leaving for her stupid Club, and babysitting duty fell heavily upon her.

"Come on, Sensei. I'm leaving"

"Y-Yes! It's all okay, Iincho-san. See you tomorrow!" he happily waved to the blonde as he ran after the pock-marked girl. Ayaka simply stood there, blinking in sudden disbelief. What had she just saw? Why did that geeky simpleton seem to have such a sweet and gentle prince under her thumb like that?

As if guessing her unspoken question, Yue spoke in a casual monotone. "I think Negi-sensei is staying with them."

"What?" the heiress turned her blue, fearful eyes eyes to her. "That can't be true!"

"We heard his voice coming out of their room this morning" Yue explained, as evenly as a human being can act. Behind her, Nodoka blushed again and nodded.

Ayaka made a scowl of disgust. "That is insane! What kind of future can wait for Negi-sensei, left with those two antisocial outcasts? They will stun his emotional growth! It'll be a tragedy if such a brilliant mind is damaged in his formative stages!"

From further behind Nodoka and Yue, a low, throaty and sinister chuckle made both of them to waver in sudden fear. A tall, looming figure stood up, nearly towering over them, fixing the evil glare of her shiny eyes behind even shinier glasses on Ayaka. A sly perverse grin curved itself upon the busty bespectacled girl's lips.

"Hoo hoo hoo!" she cackled flamboyantly. "We are very jealous, aren't we, Iinchou?"

Ayaka huffed with just the slightest blush. "Don't mistake my intentions with your twisted appetites, Saotome-san! My interest on Negi-sensei's wellbeing is purely selfless!"

"Really?" Saotome Haruna pushed her glasses up her nose. "Well, that's a relief to know. Less competition, I guess..."

"Haruna" Yue warned in a low voice.

"Because let's face it, Chisame-chan and the Professor aren't a competition for all this" Haruna proudly patted herself on the broad hips, giggling as she ondulated them, making poor Nodoka to blush once more.

"Haruna!" Yue's voice went up a bit. "That's gross even for you!"

After a brief moment of hesitation, Nodoka nodded her agreement.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Haruna laughed. "You girls are just too easy to tease!"

Ayaka growled a very unladylike, although thankfully incoherent, reply, grabbed her backpack and stomped her way out.

"You are too much" Yue told her tall friend.

Haruna shrugged. "Iincho needs to grow up. She may act mature, but at the end she's just as bad as Asuna, in her own way."

"And you are worse than them both," Yue replied.

"If you say so," Haruna smiled placidly, lowering her face to look straight at hers. "Now, what's that I hear about Sensei living next to you? What did you hear? Something juicy?"

Yue's poker face remained. "Nothing important."

"Really?" Haruna noted. "Because Nodoka's face just went even redder."

For a second, Yue inwardly cursed her best friend's inability to keep her emotions down. Honestly, it was as if you could read her thoughts like a book.

**Act Three:**

The keys turned around inside of the doorlock, and the door was pushed open, Chisame walking in quietly with Negi following closely behind.

"I'll be spending some time alone at my room," she announced, heading straight for the bedroom without looking back. "In the meanwhile, you can watch TV, or do whatever you want as long as you don't peek or walk in on me for the next two hours. Otherwise, you'll regret it" she said, very seriously.

"Oh?" he blinked while taking his coat off, hanging it up next to that strange and long wooden staff he carried around for some reason Chisame prefered not to think about. Then he stiffened up, struck by concern. "Hasegawa-san! Don't tell me you... you... you hide in there to smoke!"

She stopped abruptly, then gave him a killer back glare. "Do you think I'm some kind of delinquent?"

"... To drink, then? That'd be even worse" he warned.

"I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC, EITHER!"

"Then why is that?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Th-That's a private thing all of us girls need! Private time! Yes, that's it!" she rushed the words out.

Negi stared at her with wide, surprised eyes. His sister often needed 'private time', too, but never lasting as much as two hours. Perhaps Japanese girls were different in that regard; he'd have to ask Takamichi as politely as he could about it, to avoid further blunders in the future.

"Got it, then? Two hours!" the girl repeated. "See you then!" Without waiting for his confirmation, she closed the door behind herself.

Negi cringed, now alone at the living room, wishing at least Hakase could be in there with him. But she had a club meeting, didn't she? She wouldn't be back before Hasegawa-san finished.

The boy pulled his class roster booklet out. He took a look at Chisame's profile. Under her unsmiling, almost frowning face, it was written, "Student Number 25-Hasegawa Chisame. No Club Activities. Good with Computers."

Computers, huh? Negi didn't know anything about computers, other than the basics. But he still could say the two of those he had seen at the girls' bedroom were very expensive and most likely very powerful as well.

It sounded like Hasegawa-san was pulling something out of her closet in there. He heard the sounds of large objects being dragged around, as well as the rustling of clothes. Odd, what did that have to do with using a computer? Curious like any boy of his age, he approached the door with as much stealth as he could and put an ear on it; she never had said anything about not listening.

Then, just as soon, he pulled his head back, doubting. Wasn't that just as bad? A gentleman shouldn't do that; what would his sister think? And even so, didn't a teacher need to know everything about his students, to help them with their problems? What if Hasegawa-san was doing something bad in there? What if...

He shook his head. No, he shouldn't distrust her! She was his student, his roommate, and even his new tutor figure, in a way! She deserved his trust!

Walking away from the door, he moaned, sitting before the TV, turning it on only to get quickly bored. He didn't have much of an use for TV either. He barely ever watched it at all at the village. He always would prefer to practice, or to play around outside, with Anya...

Anya...

He looked out through the window, and he almost could see Anya running across the wide Mahora campus, laughing happily to herself. He missed her already, her confident laughter, and her energetic attitude. Anya, always so full of life.

He took another quick glare towards the door to the bedroom. Anya and Hasegawa-san were similar in temper and their no-nonsense mindsets, but where Anya was quick to voice her mind, Hasegawa-san seemed so distant, always hiding something. Why didn't she belong to any clubs? Judging from what he had seen of her at school, she didn't have any friends but maybe Hakase-san. He shuddered at the idea of such a lonely life.

Yet, what could he do about it? He had to do something, but what?

He remembered Takamichi. He had been her homeroom teacher last year, so he would know her well enough. Maybe his advice would be just the thing he needed!

Brightening up, the boy took his coat and staff back and walked outside, closing the dorm's room before lively stepping towards... huh... well, he'd go back to Shizuna-sensei's office first. She'd point him to Takamichi's office, no doubt.

Almost all students were at their clubs at that hour. The main building was eerily quiet and silent as he approached it. No one in sight, but that pale girl hiding behind a column, looking at him with docile, yet bright reddish eyes. How strange, was she white haired?

He felt an icy shiver running up his spine. That girl...

He looked again into the girl's direction, only to find she was gone all of a sudden.

With a hunch, a premonition of something being wrong, he searched the area, until he caught another glimpse of the girl in the distance. Her body looked like a mirage; half transparent, even as she ran away from him, leading him towards a nearby small forest area.

"Wait!" without thinking it much, he ran after her, giving chase. "Who are you?"

Then he grinded his feet into a sudden halt. He looked up, gasping loudly. The girl was nowhere in sight, but instead, he had just found a tall, thin and pale man in a traditional hakama and kimono ensemble hanging by the neck from the branch of a large cherry tree. His wild black hair fell all over his face, barely allowing to see he wore glasses. He wore a wooden sandal in a foot; the other sandal laid under his inanimate body.

The soft breeze blew pink petals all around them.

_A young teacher full of hope for the future..._

_A young teacher full of despair over the past..._

_A meeting that never should have happened..._

 

**Act Four:**

Negi remained frozen on his tracks for a moment, fully unsure of what to do upon finding a hanging body on Academy grounds. After that initial shock, he pulled a small rulebook out and began flipping through its pages. Running away to find Takamichi seemed a good option to take, but he wanted to be fully sure first.

Then the corpse opened his haunted eyes and asked him in a conversational, yet deeply disturbing (by the mere fact of the words coming from a hanged man's mouth) tone, "So. I assume you are Negi Springfield?"

"GAH!" Acting by instinct, the boy jumped back, aimed a hand up at the freakish stranger, and shouted, "Rastel Maskir Magister! Unus Fulgor Concidens Noctem, in Mea Manu Ens Inimicum Edat! Fulguratio Albicans!"

"No, wait! I'm not a—" the tall thin man asked seconds before being blasted up by several bolts of lightning that shook him like a ragdoll, snapping his rope and making him to fall facefirst into the dirt like a dead weight.

Negi breathed in and out, nearly panting, carefully looking down at the fallen, motionless and slightly smoking body. Until it seemed to regain life, jumping to its feet and yelling angrily while rubbing its throat with a bony hand.

"WHAT IF I HAD DIED?"

"GYAAHHH!" Negi backed away. "A zombie!"

"Zombie?" the man dusted himself off. "That's a new one. Out of all the insults I have ever received, I had never been identified as a Haitian undead before. Rest assured, however, I have not died yet, much to my regret. May I inquire why are you at my secret place of courtship with death?"

"Wh-Who are you?" the child blabbered instead of answering at all.

"Hmph" the man shook his head while putting his discarded sandal back on. "Cowardly. Lacking selfcontrol. And on top of it all, rude enough to not answer to an adult's query. No, you possibly couldn't be the boy Takamichi told me about."

Negi stopped being freaked out so much for a moment. "Do you know Takahata Takamichi?"

"I should, since we are colleagues" the man with the hakama nodded sparsely. "I am Itoshiki Nozomu, homeroom teacher of Mahora Academy's Class 2-F, sadly for me! I am also the most unfortunate man on Earth! Even more so now that you have foiled my latest attempt when I almost was seeing the Pearly Gates!"

"Are you... another teacher at Mahora?" Negi blinked, disbelieving. Then he quickly bowed to him. "Pleased to meet you, Itoshiki-sensei! I'm Negi Springfield, the new homeroom teacher for Class 2-A! Sorry about attacking you, but you scared me! I thought you were going to die!"

"I was going to die! That's exactly the point!" Itoshiki sighed with a long suffering expression, and then passed a hand through his own hair. "I was sure I'd get it right this time!"

Negi stared blankly at him, until another ill feeling ran through him. He had just noticed something almost as strange as Itoshiki-sensei's behavior. It was a huge and black magical aura all around him, surrounding his whole body in a way only a mage could feel and understand. It was a terrifying, overwhelming grim power swirling around the man almost hungrily, poking at his body and mind without ever stopping.

"You are... a dark mage!" the young boy gasped aloud.

"Not so loud!" Itoshiki opened his eyes as much as he could, covering Negi's mouth with a hand. "What if someone would happen to hear you? The last thing my miserable life needs is my transformation into an ermine!"

Negi nodded, and he lowered his voice as the man let his mouth go. "But... But... what is a dark mage doing teaching at Mahora? Konoemon-sensei would never—"

Itoshiki looked at him in a distraught way. "Please don't say it! You're going to say I'm a horrible person, a devil worshipper and an ill example to my pupils just because I'm a dark magic user, aren't you? That's so typical of today's youth! Judging the book by its cover! Taking things for granted just because of what they just watched on TV, or in the latest Harry Potter movie! But if you were as smart as Takamichi said, you would know Dark Is Not Evil! At least not always! Although I admit I'm a completely failure at life, but because of reasons completely unrelated to that!"

He finished his rant by looking at one side, then at the other, and then yelling as loud as he could, raising his hands in a melodramatic manner.

"I'M IN DESPAIR! PEOPLE WHO JUDGES OTHERS BASED ON PRIOR ILL-CONCEIVED CONCEPTS HAVE LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"... I'm sorry if I have misjudged you" Negi said meekly.

"No. It's okay" the man waved a hand, more calmed all of a sudden, sinking his head down. "I'm a horrible person anyway. That's why I wanted to finish my life here."

"B-But why?" Negi exclaimed. "You never should forfeit your life, no matter what! That's what my sister always told me! As long as there's life, there's hope!"

His older colleague gave him a tired look. "You are too young to understand. Once you grow older and the realities of life sink in, you will see how right I am."

He started to walk towards the Academy, gesturing for Negi to follow him. "I was born from one of Japan's richest and most prestigious families. Secretly, my family is also one of experts at magic. My brother Mikoto specializes in healing magic, for instance. Even so, he and our two older brothers were seen as unfit for the title of heirs to the Itoshiki prestigy by the time I was born. My birth was a problematic one. I was marked by misfortune even back then! I was born, technically, dead. But my father would not accept that. No, he would have his proper heir no matter what!"

"So, what did he do?" Negi asked sheepishly.

"With no time to ponder other courses of action, he broke one of magic's oldest taboos! He used a forbidden spell on me... the Curse of the Unending Despair! It blew life back into me, but at a terrible cost. I would live, forever escaping the icy touch of death until old age claimed me... but never allowing me to be happy! That was the curse's price! I cannot die no matter what, but it will not allow me to ever reach happiness!"

The child made a terrified sound. "That's horrible! What kind of father would do that to a son?"

"The despairing kind, of course" Itoshiki stated. "Father just couldn't watch me to die. To this day, I still don't know how much of that was pure love and how much was selfish desire to continue his lineage, but I also proved being unfitting his expectations anyway. That's why my younger sister is the current heiress to the family's glory."

"Isn't there any way to break that curse?" Negi asked.

Itoshiki seemed about to say something, but finally reconsidered it and shook his head. "Not any feasible one."

"How awful... Wait a moment. If you know you couldn't die no matter what, why were you hanging yourself?" the younger one asked.

Itoshiki-sensei almost laughed, somewhat embarrassed. "Well... I suppose even I can be an optimist to some degree. Hope is truly the last thing to perish..."

Negi was stunned out of his mind. "You put all of your hopes on killing yourself?"

"Yes" he replied simply.

"But that's just... wrong".

"For you, maybe". He quickly changed the subject. "Didn't Takamichi ever tell you about me?"

"... I can't say he ever did, no" Negi had to admit it.

Itoshiki didn't seem offended. "I don't blame him. I would do the same thing if our roles were reversed. But he has told me a lot about you. He has you in quite the high esteem."

Negi fidgeted around. "Heh heh, really...? He shouldn't have. I'm nothing but a novice..."

For a moment, Itoshiki's gaze softened up as he looked down at the small child. Didn't he even suspect his true legacy? No, he possibly couldn't. Well, he wouldn't be the one to tell him, then. He already had enough problem with his insane class as it was.

They stopped before the Academy's main building. The adult put a hand on one of the boy's shoulders, and after realizing there still was not anyone in listening range, he told him, "Negi-sensei. Listen. There are some things you must know about this Campus. First, not all our colleagues are versed into the secrets of magic."

"I know. Takamichi and the Headmaster warned me about it."

"Good. As you know, Takamichi and Shizuna-sensei are no mages, but they know all there is to know about magic. So do Sugiura-sensei, Akashi-sensei and Arai-sensei, the psychological councelor. Arai-sensei, however, is quite a terrifying woman if you ever invoke her anger. So do not ever cross her. On the other hand, Nitta-sensei, Kuroi-sensei, Jinroku-sensei, Kurosawa-sensei and Yukari-sensei know nothing on the matter, and they should be kept in the dark at any and all costs."

"Roger!" the boy nodded, doing his best to memorize the names.

"Another thing to know if you are teaching 2-A is... beware Evangeline Mc Dowell," he warned in a fearful whisper.

Negi blinked.

"Sooner or later, she will go after you" Itoshiki kept his voice as low as he could. "Never tell her I told you this; I shouldn't even be doing it. But she will do it. And she is the most fearsome person to inhabit these grounds. Watch your back, Negi Springfield. Although I doubt it would do you any good."

He turned around and began to walk away, quickly.

"Wait!" Negi called out. "Why would she do that? And why should I fear her?"

Itoshiki Nozomu said nothing else, until he disappeared into the distance. No doubt gone looking for more rope.

Negi stood alone, feeling even more confused than he had been before.

**Act Five:**

"THIS ISN'T RIGHT!" she shouted, slamming both hands on her personal desk, right before both computers. "NORMAL SCHOOLS AREN'T LIKE THIS!"

Of course, it was something most often left unsaid at all. But the last two days had been so frustrating she had to let it out now she was alone at last. Chisame now huffed and puffed at her heart's content, uncorking the bottle of her pented up rage.

She paced around the bedroom at a fast pace, ranting to herself, putting her glasses aside. "All I've ever asked for is a quiet place to belong to! A stable place with sane people, not an asylum! When half your class looks like they should be at elementary school, and the other half acts like it instead, then you know the teachers should do something to solve it, not to worsen it!"

At that point, she really didn't care if he listened or not. The teenager was too angry to think about the likely implications of him ratting her out to the Dean, assuming he had the guts for it.

She needed to tell someone, anyone, about it all. Luckily, she always had such a public at hand.

"I'll tell everyone about him," her private closet's doors flew open as she frantically rumamged inside, pulling the makeup kit out, then starting to expertly apply the lipstick on her mouth, barely needing to look at the mirror to do it. She hardly could see anything but the prospects of dragging his name through the mud anyway. "Does he think everyone loves him? We'll see about that," she promised while finishing the lips and beginning to pass the eyeliner with precise strokes.

It wasn't fair such a stupid runt could just endear himself to everyone just by walking into a room while she had to work so hard for it. Not like she cared about the classroom's admiration or love (Far from it! No matter what those random dreams said!), but she simply knew it was unfair, and that was all. What was so cute about him? Nothing but a little stinky nerd, that was what he was. If the bimbos had bothered to take a good sniff at him yesterday, and if she hadn't made them the favor of cleaning him up for them in the morning, perhaps they would be singing a different tune.

"I'll show that squirt what's true love all about" she mumbled while buttoning her fanciest summer dress up, then carefully putting a matching hat on the top of her head. She smiled at her mirror image, thinking there was nothing prettier than it. The small ugly geeky caterpillar was gone. In her place, the gorgeous butterfly known as Chiu had spreaded her wings again.

"Another day of Chiu being lovely," she told herself, growing satisfied.

Gleefully excited, she sat down before the larger computer, turning it on. There was no better sound than that of the Windows theme.

And then her webpage, the paradisiac gate to her personal Heaven, welcomed her back. The Queen quickly strolled through its entrance halls to greet her loyal subjects at the Message Board. As usual, the warm welcomes and words of admiration, and of hopes for the upcoming update, had made her to feel all warm and loved inside. Now those guys, they understood. She didn't even know their true faces (doubting even those who sent or published their photos. Most of them looked too handsome to be real), but she wasn't going to question them over that, and she still felt she knew them better than everyone physically around herself.

She kindly returned the loving words, then stopped upon realizing she had not thought how to actually voice her complains. Saying her teacher had moved in with her would raise an unwanted ruckus; some of the more militant fans would rage and claim betrayal. At the same time, admitting he was a kid would make her to look ridiculous.

 _I'm saddened over our new teacher for this term,_ she had started. _He's a very annoying person! Today, he was looking at Chiu in a very perverted way!_

Shampoo in his eyes, right.

 _That's horrible! What's the problem with him!_ the first outraged commentary had come mere moments afterwards.

_I know his kind. I've had several teachers who are like that._

I'd like to beat that creep up!.

Ooohhh, she knew there was a reason why she liked user Passerby B despite how many flamewars he caused.

The fans had continued raging for several minutes after that, until user Iceworld, always so politically correct, had written,

_But I totally get why he did it. It's because you're so pretty!_

_Absolutely! No one can resist Chiu-sama's charms. No one!_

_Exactly. That's why she is the most prettiest of all internet idols._

Chiu bit her lower lip, her cheeks actually glowing bright red. "Oh, come on...!" she giggled, delighted. "You don't mean it...!"

Oh yes they did. That was the most wonderful part!

Again, her fingers gracefully danced over the keyboard, throwing the reward to the hungry, devoted masses.

_Thank you so very much! As a showing of Chiu's gratitude, Chiu will now add three new galleries for you sweeties!_

She set the camera up before changing into her new nurse outfit, looking at the mirror for a moment, pleased with the vision of such an angel of medical mercy. The rite of self photography started again, flash after flash going on inside the room, each one taking a different angle, a different perfect smile. The key was always smiling. And Photoshop.

The French maid outfit had come next; it had costed her a fortune, actually, but it had been worth every cent. The fans had asked for it for too long; it would drive them crazy. Still, now she had an idea why only people like Iincho could allow themselves to buy that for their slaves. Dad had popped a vein over the phone at seeing the month's expenses; she had just lied something about an accident and paying for a broken Chinese jar.

And finally, for the coup de grace, the Playboy bunny outfit. Complete with bust enhancing filling; post-photo retouches would do the rest. Damn, but she was sexy, she thought while admiring the pictures. But sadly, not nearly sexy enough...

Not as much as Iincho or Chizuru, or even Asakura or Haruna...

For a moment, her spirits sunk down at the sight of the reality iceberg before refloating thanks to the wonders of modern science.

Once the photos were filed, making a few improvements over them was a child's play. She was so good at it even veterans of everything from nude filters to conspiracy alterations were fooled like babies. The zits and pimples vanished from her face just as quickly as they appeared in real life. The breasts and the hips grew up, but not enough to look out of place on her frame. Even the teeth were made even whiter. The butterfly had grown beyond the earthly limits to become an ethereal fairy.

Chisame was happy.

She also was blissfully unaware of how long she had spent doing that by now.

Negi was tired. As he walked back to the dorm, after a long while of fruitlessly looking for Shizuna, Takamichi and the ghostly girl, he had decided to return home (it still was very strange calling it like that) upon noticing it was getting darker and colder outside. The sky was growing busier with storm clouds.

He glanced at his wristwatch. Had it been three hours now? Surely Hasegawa-san already was finished with her private time.

He walked in to see Hakase back from her Club, hunchbacked over the dinner table drawing something on a large spread sheet, barely noticing his presence. The whole table was full with tools, drawing utensils and several pieces of machinery.

"Good evening, Hakase-san" he said. "How was your meeting today?"

"Hm. Very fruitful. Lots of new interesting theories" she replied, absently, never taking her eyes apart from her work.

"I see... That's good to hear. Umm, not to sound rude, but, about dinner..." he couldn't help but rubbing his growling stomach with a hand.

"Ask Chisame. Busy here. Not hungry yet" the scientist droned like an answering machine, automatically gesturing with a shoulder towards the bedroom.

"Okay..." he nodded, walking towards the door and knocking on it. There was no reply.

"Maybe she fell asleep again," Satomi noted. "Often does that after a very long session."

The boy blinked. "A session of what?" he asked, looking back at his student without noticing he had applied more pressure and more of his weight to the door's frame than he had intended. The door opened itself towards the inside, and, taken by surprise, he tumbled into the room.

Chiu smirked seeing her ratings going up. Her closest competitor, Kotokon's homepage, couldn't even compare! Now let's see if the brat could ever compare to that. How could having around twenty airheads (giving the benefit of doubt to some classmates) pining after your underage body ever compare to THIS? Hah! Her underage body knew of no contest, no rivals!

Now, she almost wished he could see it himself.

She tensed, hearing something stumbling into her room.

"HAKASE!" she turned her head around. "What have you broken— this—"

Her eyes went round and large as plates as she found herself staring into some just as huge, perplexed dark brown eyes.

She was wearing a Playboy bunny suit, updating a page with suggestive photos of herself, in front of her ten years old teacher. Her mouth became quickly as dry as the Sahara.

How she hated reality's cruel pranks.


	5. Lesson 3: Deserving of Happiness

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER 3.**

**Act One:**

"Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?" Chisame demanded, backpedalling on her chair until her back touched Satomi's lower bed bunk, quickly grabbing a bedsheet to cover herself. Her cheeks were flushed as red as apples, almost as red as his.

"I-I-I'm sorry!" he looked away, searching for something else to put his eyes on. "I had been knocking at the door, but it was half open, and-"

"Ah, yes, that'd be me, now I remember" Hakase's voice calmly came from the living room. "When I arrived, I peeked in to see if you were here. I saw you updating, so I decided not to disrupt you."

Once more, Chisame felt a burning need to strangle a certain pencil necked idiot savant.

But there was something far more pressing at mind now. The child's gaze had fully met her precious webpage. Even he would make the connection with that much proof before him. In any moment, he would say-

"Uwaaaa! That's you, Hasegawa-san?" he marveled, standing up and walking to the screen, looking at it with wide eyes and a wider smile. "You look amazing here! The designs all around you are great, too!"

"Th-Thanks" she managed to blurt out instinctively. Then she grimaced. Wait a moment, had that innocuous silly smile just caught her off guard, too? Surely it had just been the tension of the moment. Granted, it was a cute smile, but...

"All those clothes are very pretty" he went on, looking up and down at the featured pics, although thankfully he didn't even seem to be willing to touch the keyboard. The last thing she wanted was the hick figuring out how to access her swimsuit galleries. "Are they all yours?"

She bit her lower bit, feeling a sudden sting on a sensitive point. Chisame was not rich as Iincho, or even higher middle class like Chizuru, nor had a thriving business like Chao. She spent almost half of her savings in cosplay clothes, but even so, she often had to cut corners. Sewing add-ons on some costumes often made them to look completely different, for example. Other times she rented them, always wary of being spotted by the shopping-happy cheerleader trio. Finally, some other times, Photoshopping the clothes themselves was a last resource, although those were trickier to get right, and thus a decidedly final option.

In any case, she disliked being reminded of it. She hated being reminded of her life as a pedestrian peasant feigning being a graceful Queen.

"Get out of the room," she said. "Please."

He looked dumbly at her. "Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. Was this the private thing you didn't want me to see? If so, I apolo-"

"STOP APOLOGIZING OVER EVERYTHING AND JUST GET OUT!" she yelled. "FORGET YOU EVER SAW THIS! OKAY?"

Anew, he shrunk down before her dominating presence. "B-But why? I don't think this is a bad or shameful thing... It's always good to have a hobby!"

That was the problem! It was more than just a hobby; it was pathetic and immature and as retarded as anything Makie and Misora and the twins ever did, but she didn't want to be reminded of that, even indirectly!

Chisame breathed in deeply, counting in her mind to ten to keep her control, clenching her eyes shut before looking down at his face again. He was smiling again, the same cute smile. She wanted him to stop smiling, to stop making her feel bad and stupid, to just leave her alone to her own devices.

"You shouldn't feel ashamed of being pretty" he said then.

The girl recoiled back even more, sitting on the bed's edge. He was looking at her own face now, right? Not at the pictures. At her actual face, with the zits still visible even under the makeup, with the small breasts failing to properly fill her bunny suit, with the not-fully-perfect teeth and everything. Why was he calling her pretty?

"You retouch those photos, right?" he guessed. "But I think you're prettier as you normally are" Negi said, as if he was just commenting on the weather. "You don't need to hide behind a fake identity. My sister always says-"

"S-STOP IT!" she angrily shrieked, standing up, so angry she had let the bedsheet to fall off herself. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WOMEN IN GENERAL, EITHER! AND STOP COMPARING ME TO YOUR SISTER!"

He had to be mocking her, or he really was that stupid. Either way, he was the most annoying person she'd ever meet. She just wanted him out, away, as soon as possible.

"But- but-" he blinked cluelessly.

"Haven't you heard me?" she grabbed him by the shoulders. "Listen to your seniors for once and JUST GET OUT!" She shook him around, also making her long loose hair to wave all around, several strands of it brushing over his face.

The boy shuddered all of a sudden at the forceful tickling of hairs on his nose. To his credit, he tried hard to hold himself on, but she kept shaking him, and he couldn't turn around in time, and...

"Ah... Ahhhh..."

"Ah what?" she asked, stopping her shaking. Maybe he'd listen now.

"A-CHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The ensuing ear piercing scream of her roommate finally was enough to get Hakase to get up and waddle, mumbling to herself, all the way to the bedroom. Honestly, how did they expect for science to advance if mundanity kept on blaring war horns into its ears.

"Ne, Chisame..." she said while walking in. "I would appreciate if you bothered to keep your trivial recriminations in a lower tone of-"

She blinked, looking at the scene of a bright red, petrified Negi-sensei standing right before a just as shocked and immobile, fully naked save for some bunny ears on her head and rags of shredded cloth wrapped lingeringly over her most private areas, Hasegawa Chisame. The floor all around her was littered with tiny pieces of clothing... that almost looked like flower petals. Perhaps a better research on it in the close future would be required.

"Oh dear, Chisame" Satomi made a kind of face she very rarely ever made. "I must express my discomfort over this morally reprehensible situation. I was of the belief you weren't approving of Iincho-san's patterns of moral debauchery concerning figures of-"

A pillow tossed at her face silenced the poor scientist.

"GET OUT MY ROOM! GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" Hasegawa turned her attentions back to the boy, wrapping herself within the bedsheet and stomping her way towards the quickly retreating pint sized threat to her sanity.

"B-B-B-But it's not such a big deal, right?" he blabbered, trying hard to remember the exact moral customs of Japan in that area involving persons of their respective ages, although for some reason his mind just kept going back to the brief image of Chisame's breasts. "I-I mean, you saw me naked early today... and technically, you weren't even left fully naked... you still had those bits over your-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT AND GET LOST!" she repeated.

"What did I do?" Satomi honestly wondered, pulling the pillow off her face just in time to see Negi's eyes watering up suddenly, like those of a puppy who has just been kicked off a table and into the floor. Without saying a single word more, the child grabbed his staff and bolted out of the front door, into the rainstorm now raging outside. "Ah, Sensei, no! You mustn't! It's raining now, and-"

She tried to follow him out, but desisted when she saw him pointing a hand towards his feet, whispering something, and then running away far faster than she ever could hope to run. In a couple of seconds, he was impossible to see in the distance.

"Magic!" Satomi whispered to herself, low enough for Chisame not to hear. Chao would be interested to listen about that, yes, she would.

The sounds of loud sobbing from the bedroom made her to walk back there, to find Chisame made a wreck, but still at her computer, typing madder than ever.

"If he happens to contract a cold while outside, we surely will be severely punished over it" Hakase pointed out rationally. "After all, we were appointed his caretakers."

"As if I care" the virtual idol fiercely tried to suck her tears back. Never looking at her.

"He is still just a child, Chisame..."

"Let him go to Iincho. If she wants him so much, she can have him!"

Satomi sighed, waving her hands around while returning to her designs. "If something happens to him, I'll take no responsability on it."

"I'll take all the blame!" Chisame growled. Moronic selfish egghead.

"Yes, I'll make sure of it," Satomi huffed, slumping back on her spot. Cretinous intellectual pygmy. She had just witnessed something beyond the scope of modern day science, and she only was concerned about her self-pleasuring webpage?

She was a bit puzzled over that last point, herself. Finally, her scientific curiosity won over her pride and she asked, "What did happen to your clothes, then?"

"I don't know" Chisame sizzled. "I don't want to know. I won't think about it."

She was trembling even as she tried to continue the update.

"Maybe I should give Chachamaru a call," Hakase suggested. "And tell her to search the Mahora perimeter for him."

"Are you concerned about another human being now?" Chisame scoffed. "Never pegged you as that type. You never seemed to care until now."

Satomi scowled. She was unused to get angry at others, but she was starting to now. "Pot, kettle, black," she bitterly remembered a saying she had heard once, back when she cared about other things but mechanics.

Chisame said nothing. Neither did she.

Outside, the storm grew even bigger for the following minutes. Until the minutes passed by and passed on, becoming almost a hour, and Satomi caught her roommate giving brief, concerned peeks at the window at random intervals whose frequency grew faster and faster as the time went on.

The stranger fact about it was she couldn't quite concentrate on her designs now, either.

"He mentioned he was hungry," Hakase remembered quietly.

"Hmmm," Chisame muttered, seeming rather antsy.

"Alone and hungry, at a strange environment, under a strong rainstorm," Satomi mused. "Chachamaru could run a good scan of the area from above, even under the current weather conditions. You wouldn't have to-"

"Forget Chachamaru," Chisame sighed with exasperation, standing up to reach for a trenchcoat. "I don't want your stinking robot to get involved into this, too."

"Oh?" Hakase arched an eyebrow quizzically. "Is this another emotional outburst, this time one born out of primal guilt? Do you feel you need to prove yourself, or to pay penitence, by finding the child you offended, with your own eyes and hands?"

"Shut up, Hakase," Chisame mumbled, putting on her thickest boots. "It's just, if I'm going to do this, I want to do it like normal people do."

She walked to the front door while opening her umbrella, pausing for only a moment while looking back at her classmate. "Are you coming too, or not?"

Satomi smiled. "I'll go fetch something that could be helpful," she offered.

**Act Two:**

The boy sat on the narrow bench at the bus stop, hugging his knees against himself in an attempt to stay fully under the (even narrower) small ceiling hanging over his head, supported by twin thin pillars of steel.

It was not helping a lot anyway. The weather was so windy it just ended blowing water into his face and clothes in any case.

But he knew standing back up and walking back to the dorm wouldn't help either. First, he had not paid any attention to his way on his escape, so he couldn't go back so easily even if he wanted to. Flying would make it easier, but it was a huge no-no in public, and harder to manage under a storm. Then, there was the fact it was so dark outside, he most likely would get lost even if he knew the way he should be taking.

But mostly, he didn't want to go back.

He looked for the booklet tucked into his shirt and fished it out alongside a pen. Scowling almost cutely, he went straight to the picture of Student Number 25 and wrote 'A TRULY HORRIBLE PERSON' under it.

He closed the booklet and sighed. How childish of him. He should know better.

Negi had come to the bus stop by simply running into it accidentally, but now he was asking himself if he should take that as a sign from above and leave. No, he told himself, shaking the fleeting idea out of his skull. Perish the thought. He couldn't ever find his father if tiny stumbling blocks like that deviated him from his path. And what would his Sister, Anya and the Principal say?

He would just wait for the storm to pass, go back and apologize to Miss Hasegawa.

Even if she was such a horrible person.

So pretty, yet so horrible.

He sneezed loudly, shuddering due to the cold. Luckily there was no one else around.

Meanwhile, that horrible person shrieked in utter fear for her life, wrapping an arm around a laughing Hakase's midsection as the mad scientist piloted the... weird thing they both were standing on. Her other arm was desperately clinging to her umbrella, trying to keep it over her own head despite the wind's strong attempts to yank it away.

Satomi, on the other hand, didn't seem to be bothered by the rain as she drove her small self-customized motorized vehicle through the deserted campus. The huge hat secured to her head shielded her surprisingly well from the hammering drops of icy water, and the goggles strapped on to her face protected her eyes.

"ARE YOU SURE WE WON'T GET INTO A JAM OVER THIS?" Chisame yelled to make herself heard over the storm.

"I HAVE A PILOTING LICENSE, I TOLD YOU!" Hakase cackled madly in turn, making Chisame to wonder exactly who had seen fit to issue her such a license in the first place. "ALTHOUGH YOU COULD GET INTO SOME DIFFICULTIES IF YOU'RE SPOTTED!"

"WHAT? WHY ME?".

"I DON'T HAVE A LICENSE TO CARRY PASSENGERS, SO YOU'RE COMMITING AN INFRACTION!"

"THE HELL—? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE? AND YOU'RE THE ONE BREAKING THE RULES THEN!"

"WHY? I'M NOT THE PASSENGER!" Hakase blinked.

Chisame sighed and went back to looking all around. They had been roaming through the whole area for more than half a hour now; Hakase's speedster had allowed them to cover a surprisingly large sector, and yet, there was no Negi in sight anywhere. Hasegawa was starting to get truly concerned.

Until, by a sudden stroke of luck, she saw him near the school's limits, at one of the older and smaller bus stops. "HAKASE!" she called out, pointing with the umbrella in his direction. "DOWN THERE!"

"Huh?" the genius peered curiously. "Oh yes, I would say that is him, indeed". Making an U-turn, she speeded towards the still unaware wet boy. The bus stop was at a lower level, and to get exactly there, you would have to go down a long and narrow set of steps the vehicle was not designed to cover. Satomi screeched it to a half before the upper steps, then smiled briefly at her roommate. "You go bring him."

Chisame found herself nodding. "Okay". She jumped off the blasted thing and began to run down. "SENSEI! SENSEI, IT'S ME!"

She saw him finally noticing her, lifting his small head up to give her a nearly haunted look. Honestly, children. No matter how many diplomas he could have had, he no doubt was still just a brat.

Then she felt herself slipping into a large puddle of water when she still hadn't covered half of the steps down. With a yelp, she lost balance and slid forward, her feet losing contact with the solid ground. She fell down as she barely noticed Hakase's gulp of surprise from above.

What she managed to see well was Negi's sudden panicked face from below. As she got closer in her freefall, she saw him aiming the staff up at her with an amazing speed of reflexes. He shouted something that the rain's roaring covered.

And then her fall was stopped by an invisible force.

Chisame's heart jumped up while she felt herself being slowly lowered down, like a weightless feather, to safely land into an expecting Negi's open arms. He caught her with barely some effort, oddly enough for someone of his size, although the brunt of the catch still put him down on his knees.

Hakase watched from above, fascinated, her suspicions confirmed.

Chisame merely looked at his face with huge, terrified eyes. He smiled awkwardly, his hair a sopping mess, his glasses as fogged up as hers.

"Are... Are you okay, Hasegawa-san?" her teacher asked tentatively.

Chisame only could nod wordlessly, thankfully unable to notice the deep blush running over her own cheeks.

She was too stunned to do anything else.

**Act Three:**

However, the confusion quickly was followed by fear, as the girl jumped up from Negi's arms and backed away stuttering.

"W-w-What was that?" she yelled. "That definitely wasn't a normal fall! What did you do to me?"

The boy trembled, and not only due to the cold, firmly clutching his staff between his shaking hands. "Well, you see... ahh..."

"Don't tell me you're some sort of alien!" Chisame gulped hard.

"Erm, no, not exactly..."

"You're an ESPer, then!" she aimed a finger at him.

"No, not at all!" he protested.

"Or a time traveller!" the virtual idol despaired. "No, wait, you're just a bad dream! I accidentally ate something Hakase cooked and I'm in a delirious comma state! Luckily, in any moment now I'll either wake up or die!"

"He's a mage" Satomi calmly pointed out from above.

"A mage? That's ridiculous" Chisame blinked several times. "And scientifically impossible. For you of all people to say that..."

"Um, actually, she's right" Negi meekly conceded. "I'm a wizard, or mage. Both definitions are technically correct."

Chisame gave him a blank and huge shocked stare. "No. For real," she eeped out.

"I'm telling you the truth," their teacher insisted. "That thing yesterday with the eraser? I did it. It was a lesser version of the spell I just used on you."

Chisame just kept looking at him, unable to speak.

"However" he pointed out, gulping while spinning his staff around, "I'm afraid I can't let you to keep that knowledge. As a mage, I've sworn to keep my powers as a secret, forever hidden from the mundanes. Any magic user who fails at keeping that promise can be punished strictly, even being transformed into some species of animal, like an ermine, a Peruvian chicken, a lizard or a dung beetle. So I have no choice but to erase your memories of this experience!".

"Okay!" Chisame quickly nodded.

Negi paused, surprised. "Okay?"

"Of course it's okay!" she said. "As if I wanted to remember anything of this! Look, I want nothing more than having a normal life, and that certainly doesn't include anything related to magic of any sorts! So I'll be much happier if I forget everything about this horrible incident!". She spreaded her arms eagerly. "Zap me up with any mumbo-jumbo you have to make me normal again!"

The boy looked at her with wide, incredulous eyes, before smiling again and nodding. "Very well! I'm so glad you are so understanding, Hasegawa-san! Normally, people always panics and tries to run away when I have to do this..."

Chisame arched her eyebrows. "How many times have you had to do this before?"

He laughed awkwardly. "Heh, heh, heh... Let's just say I'm still a beginner... I'm not that well used to hide my secret yet..."

The child started to spin his staff around once more. "For that very same reason, I must warn you maybe I'll botch this spell up and erase a little more than you probably expect me to..."

Chisame grew worried. "Exactly how much more?"

"Well, the most I've messed up in the past is causing total amnesia, but I'm sure I can fix the worst of it later..." he began to chant a spell under his breath.

"WAIT! NO! NO! NO!" the girl had quickly changed her mind after hearing that. "STOP IT! YOU DON'T NEED TO! DON'T YOU DARE, YOU MINDRAPING WEIRDO!"

"You heard her, Sensei" Hakase's voice rang from above again, quietly, but with a strange new edge to it. Negi stopped his incantation, and he and Chisame looked up to see the genius holding a cellphone in a hand, recording the whole event.

"Hakase-san?" The young teacher had a bad feeling.

"Stop your attempts to disrupt my roommate's memories or I will press this button and send this recording to Chao-san and everyone else at my Club" Satomi warned, not exactly hostile, but neither softly at all. "I disapprove of mages pulling such abusive actions upon those you consider 'mere mortals'. Yes, Sensei, I do know about magic. I have, for rather a long time now."

"You do?" Chisame didn't give credit to her own ears. "But how—?"

"Please, Chisame!" Satomi said. "Even with my highly advanced expertise, you didn't think I was able to develop Chachamaru only through the conventional scientific means, or did you? I only was able to give her life by combining the power of the so-called 'magic' with that of traditional energy sources inside of her robotic body!"

"UWAAA!" Negi screamed, scared out of his mind. "Karakuri Chachamaru-san? Student Number Ten? SHE'S A ROBOT?"

Chisame looked down at him again. "Don't tell me you hadn't noticed it yet!"

"In any case, Negi-sensei, your secret is safe with us," Satomi solemnly promised. "Chisame has absolutely no friends at all to share it with—"

"Thanks for making such a good case for me!" Hasegawa exclaimed.

"And I have sworn secrecy on the whole affairs of the world of magic before" the scientist continued, very seriously. "Mind, I am against the whole notion of magic being kept hidden from mankind" she explained, in a cold, stern tone Hasegawa didn't remember ever hearing from her before. "I believe mankind shouldn't be kept in the dark by an elite. As a scientist, I long for the day when all advancements reached upon every field of human development can be shared with people all across the globe. But in the meanwhile, as a favor for a most dear friend, I have promised to keep my silence on it. And I'm willing to extend that to you. But you have to promise to respect my mind, and Chisame's, and place as much trust on us as we'll put on you. That is, after all, a teacher's duty."

Impressed, Negi lowered his staff, looking humble and ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry, Hakase-san. You're right. I apologize over my actions, Hasegawa-san."

Now Chisame breathed easier, even as her heart kept on beating fast. Her mind was still in turmoil, trying to assimilate everything she had just learned.

Satomi smiled, gesturing with her head for them to come back up, with herself. "Now that's better. However, you two should get back home and change your clothings before you adquire a common cold. Possibly, a hot bath would be advised as well..."

Negi cringed. "No way! I already bathed once today!"

"...You little magical pig!" Chisame grabbed him by an ear and began dragging him up the steps with herself. "What kind of upbringing did they give you? If you really hope to be a Gentleman, you shouldn't be a filthy hippy!"

"Whaaa! Let my ear go! If I can't see you naked, then you shouldn't see me naked either!"

"I told you, those are two totally different things! You are nothing but a crybaby, but I'm already pretty much a woman!"

"Look at the positive side" Hakase smiled while her roommates went up onto the vehicle with her. "At least he didn't sneeze on you before the rest of the class."

"I'd have killed him in that case" Chisame deapaned, firmly grabbing Hakase's waist as she motioned for Negi to do the same. "Sensei, if you value your life, then hold on tightly."

"Huh?" he blinked, puzzled. "But wh-YYYYYYYYYYY!"

He had his answer when Satomi suddenly stepped into the accelerator.

**Act Four:**

**Four hours later:**

Chisame sneezed loudly once again before wrapping her blanket even tighter around herself. She had her bare feet stuck inside of a bucket full with hot water, and a most bitter expression etched onto her face.

"I can't believe you mages don't have a cure for the freaking common cold yet, other than these old wives' myths," she mumbled after rubbing her now runny nose.

Negi laughed apologetically from his futon. "Eh he he... Actually, magic hasn't proved to be that effective against diseases, although we do have some pills and potions going beyond the scope of your medicine... But even our healers mostly specialize on healing wounds and the like..."

He quickly turned his head around before sneezing into the other direction, with a nearly thundering sound and blowing several parts of the carpet.

"Watch out where do you aim that nose" Chisame warned from where she sat, as Satomi returned to the room in her pajamas, yawning without a care in the world. "You're so lucky, Hakase. Why haven't I ever seen you getting sick?"

"I'm well used to falling asleep on a laboratory's cold floor" the scientist replied lazily, lying down onto her bed with her back turned to them. "And besides, you two were the ones who endured the most of the rain."

Hasegawa grumbled while shaking her head. "You can't go to teach tomorrow" she told Negi. "Not sneezing around like that. In five minutes flat, you'll turn 2-A into a forsaken nudist camp."

"Ehhh?" Negi moaned. "B-But it' just my third day at the job... I can't fail you girls like that!"

"I'll chain you down if I need to, but I won't allow you to go there until you have healed" his taller roommate stated decisively.

Negi pouted, but he said nothing else on the subject. Instead, he turned his eyes to Satomi's almost lethargical figure now. "Hakase-san...?" he asked.

"Mmmmm?" she hummed without stirring.

"You said Chao-san was your colleague, and you two created Karakuri-san together, using both magic and technology, right?"

"Right" Satomi dryly said.

"Since you aren't a magic user yourself, that means Chao-san is the mage whose secret you're protecting, in that case. Am I right?" he deduced.

There was a long, silent and tense pause right after that question was made.

"You know, I'm kind of curious about that, too," Chisame finally added, lifting her head just a bit into Hakase's direction.

"Sensei" the eccentric genius spoke again at last, in a small, dozed down voice, "If I'm going to keep your secret, the least I can do is to keep my friend's secret too, isn't that correct?"

Negi gulped, with a blush and a quick nod. "Correct! Sorry for being so indiscreet!"

"You just answered his question anyway!" Chisame sputtered. Then, tentatively, she reached out and touched the laying boy's forehead with a soft hand, checking his body temperature.

"You can go sleep now, Hasegawa-san" he said. "I'll be okay."

She negated with her head. "I'm not sleepy yet."

"Well, you can finish your update then..." he offered.

"I'm not in the mood right now."

"I see..." his voice trailed off.

Tiredly, they looked at each other's eyes for some moments.

Finally, he tilted his head around to sneeze again.

"By the way, thank you" she commented. "For saving me back there."

"Ah, it was nothing" he passed a tissue over his nose. "It was my duty as your teacher. And besides, it was my fault you were there in the first place."

"No, it was my fault you went there in the first place," she reluctantly admitted.

The boy smiled up at her. "It's okay. I overreacted. I shouldn't act like a spoiled child."

Chisame sighed. "That isn't something anyone of your age should be saying. You are really strange. You should change that."

He reached up with a small hand, grabbing hers, taking her by surprise. "I'm sorry" Negi whispered, stopping just long enough to blow his nose off. "Sorry. Really. But I can't. At least, not to change that way. I made a promise..."

"Again with the promises," Chisame scolded him to keep herself from looking uneasy. "What, if you don't fulfill that one, they'll turn you into a buzzard?"

"No. It's a personal promise this time" he distantly reminisced. "A promise... to my father."

Hasegawa opened her mouth to speak again, but seeing the look on his face, she prefered to leave the matter for later.

"Just sleep already, will you?" she commanded quietly. "The more you rest, the sooner you can go back to 2-A for Iinchou to lick your feet."

He nodded, closing his eyes and rather quickly being taken away by sleep.

He woke up a mere hours later, feeling a headache and itching to sneeze again. He took care to do it into a direction where it couldn't cause any damage, then stumbled his sleepy way to the toilet.

It was only when he came back to his futon when he noticed Chisame still on her chair, asleep and with her glasses on, with her nose leaking. Still at the futon's side.

Smiling, he carefully accommodated the blankets over her in a more comfortable way, took her glasses off and placed them over the desk, near her computers. As he laid back on the futon, the young wizard took the booklet back from under his pillow and revisited Student Number Twenty Five's entry.

'A TRULY HORRIBLE PERSON'.

Biting his tongue, he crossed with his pen all over the words, and then wrote something else right beneath it.

'DESERVING OF HAPPINESS'.

He closed it back while nodding to himself.

Somehow, he would find out how to do it.

 **NEXT CHAPTER:** Kasuga Misora!


	6. Lesson 4: Sister Misora

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. For real.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. No joke.

Thanks to all of you who have read this fanfic so far, and especially to those who have given it such kind reviews. Your support is very important for me.

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER 4.

**Act One:**

**Four Weeks Ago:**

"What do you mean with 'No'?"

Sister Shakti had given her a rather peeved stare after hearing that question.

"What do you think I meant?" the tanned, tall Sister asked, her voice tense and imposing.

Misora's eyes had become huge fully black circles, and she had squeaked out a deflated, "... No?"

"Exactly" Sister Shakti stated, then began to walk away.

"But why?" the girl had whined, running after her, despite the woman's sudden attempt to leave her behind by quickening her pace as much as she could without breaking into a sprint of her own. "I think I'm worthy by this point! I have studied and practiced for months and months! I have mastered the spells you requested me to learn, and—"

"You have only bothered to learn the most elemmental basics!" her superior cut her off without looking back at her. "That isn't enough for you to earn a Pactio!"

"Come on! Many Ministra have started without a single spell under their arm!" the young girl pleaded, grabbing for one of Shakti's sleeves before she could step out of the otherwise empty church. "Just give me a chance, please! Cocone is willing to become my Magister, and—"

"Kasuga Misora" the woman barely turned her eyes towards her, with a sharp warning glare. "Unhand me, please."

The use of her full name snapped Misora into an abrupt jolt of fear, making her to quickly release the sleeve as if it was coated in poison. "S-Sorry! I guess I got carried away!"

"Yes, you did. That is the problem with you," the woman now faced her, looking down at her with a stern glare that could break rocks. "You lack selfcontrol, both over your emotions and over your abilities. You still are taking this all as a game. You don't even start to see the true meaning of our mission. You only think of the accolades, failing to see our lives are intended to be full of sacrifices and hard work."

"I already work very hard, Sister!" Misora protested. "Every day I scrub the floors after getting back from school, and—"

"Misora, I am not talking about a janitor's work!"

"Sorry, sorry!" she laughed it off nervously. "It's just, um, I really think I'll have more to work with once I have a Pactio! Then I'll be able to actually pull my weight around! Yeah, then I won't be afraid of anything!" She smirked, clenching a fist up and pumping it in a way you definitely shouldn't expect from a nun, even one in training. "Just give me a Pactio and I'll be besting everyone, I'm sure of it!"

Sister Shakti gave her another critical stare. "Young lady, courage isn't something earned from power. A coward with power will be nothing but a coward hiding behind that power. True fighters, true mages, will not ever rely only upon their magic; it is their hearts that make them great. You still lack that, plus the discipline and the responsability, needed for us to grant you a Pactio. I'm sorry" she stated categorically.

"Are you telling me I am... a coward?" Misora squeeked out, her eyes becoming funny abstractions once again.

"You have failed at every test we have given you, even when facing minor threats," Shakti reminded her.

"Give me a break! That goblin could have killed me!"

"It barely was bigger than a bunny!"

"But it had those huge teeth, no doubt poisonous!"

"No, they weren't."

"I had no way to know that!"

"You would have, if you had studied you grimoire of beasts properly!" the woman retorted.

Misora was giving her the best puppy face she could make now. "Sister Shakti... Do you hate me so much?"

The older nun's face twitched. "What?"

"For years, I have looked up at you!" the teenager sobbed theatrically. "I took my votes at this Order hoping to fight alongside you, to some day be as great as you! Because I always admired you more than anyone else!"

"Are you trying to trick me with adulations?" Shakti asked retorically.

"But now, your cold rejection hurts my heart to its core!" Misora all but bawled. "You have called me lazy and cowardly, a failure at life, a shame to our organization!"

"Wait a moment; I have not gone that far."

"Then you will give me another chance?" she asked hopefully.

"As long as you don't become a diligent, brave and responsible apprentice... no" her superior replied without a shadow of a doubt. "You only wish to reap the results without earning them. Child, what will you do once you have a Pactio? You won't be able to use it to fight for those you hold dear until your heart has matured. Power without the moral strength to wield it is a completely useless thing."

Misora groaned, looking aside.

"Look at me," Sister Shakti commanded, grabbing her by the cheeks and forcing her face to turn towards her own. The woman smiled, for once. Misora didn't remember watching her smiling ever since... huh... never, really. Maybe when she had introduced Cocone to her. "Child, it is my hope that, someday, you will find the thing you need to realize your true potential. Your heart needs that spark to ignite your soul, to give you the wings you need to fly. Until then, don't give up. Try to find your own path, not walking behind us, but striving to walk alongside us. Don't ever be satisfied with picking the results of others' hard work. Do that hard work yourself, and in the end, your reward will be that much greater. Have you understood that?".

Misora just nodded silently, simply hoping for her to release her already.

Shakti's usual expression returned. "Good. In the meanwhile, the windows still need cleaning."

"Y-Yes, Sister!".

**Now:**

Misora yawned and stretched lazily on her bed before sitting up, scratching herself on the ribs. Her gaze wandered slowly across her room, finding Cocone's bed to be empty. The warm smell of onigiri coming from the kitchen told her of her roommate's current situation, plus making her mouth to water up.

The young girl with the short and messy hair smiled to herself. She was feeling ready to eat a whole horse if needed! She would need the energy for the day's challenges!

From now on, she had decided, she wouldn't be a loser anymore! She would teach Sister Shakti one thing or two! 'Make your own path', huh? Well, she would use her own words against her!

The girl jumped down from the bed, grinning while looking through the window and towards the school. The events from the day before yesterday had changed the whole situation in a very interesting way!

If Sister Shakti didn't want to allow her a Pactio, she would get her Pactio elsewhere, then impress everyone so much with her mastery over it, even the Sister herself would be clapping.

Hopefully, it would be something useful enough to oneshot everyone before she had to fight, too. Eh, it was worth a try anyway.

By now, she knew a mage when she saw one in action. That stunt with the eraser could have fooled her classmates, but not her! A young plump chicken had just arrived the farm, ready for the plucking! The only thing she had to do was to get him before someone else could, but that was no problem, right? As if anyone had both the knowledge *and* the interest needed for it. Iincho was as clueless about the magic world as they came, and the rest of the class wasn't much better.

Kasuga Misora looked into her mirror, giving her image a smirk and a wink.

She was able to make sacrifices for her goals, too.

**Act Two:**

Hakase found a lot more eyes fixed on her when she walked into the classroom that morning than usual.

It was enough to make even her, a student who never was self-aware about her physical appearance at all, to pause and take note, feeling her skirt and shirt all over, awkwardly.

"What?" she asked. "I don't believe there is anything wrong with it. Chisame helped me with it, and—"

"Your clothes are alright!" Fumika chirped on.

"That isn't the issue right now!" Fuuka added.

"We heard Negi-sensei is living with you two!" Sakurako bluntly put it out from her seat.

"Ah. That" Satomi said, unconcerned. "Yes, neither he nor Chisame will be coming today, I'm afraid. They are suffering from the effects of a sudden illness—"

"Sensei is ill?" Ayaka jumped up from her chair.

"Nothing too critical, I should hope" Hakase's voice remained fully the same, somewhat spaced out as usual, as she sat down next to Chachamaru to run her routine checkup. "I believe a single day of rest should allow them to recover enough to come tomorrow."

"But then it's true!" Misa pointed out. "You're living together after all!"

"I always knew Hasegawa was a magnet for the bad luck," Asuna mumbled from where she sat with her face half buried between her arms, which were crossed over her desk.

"What did you do for it?" Chizuru asked.

"Huh? Why, nothing. Shizuna-sensei told us they were orders from the Dean, but they never specified the reasons behind that decision," Hakase was finding hard to move around with so many girls gathered around her. "Could you please allow me some more room? I need freedom of movement for this task. You never had seemed that eager to socialize with me before..."

Ignoring her, Asakura Kazumi whipped her microphone out again. "Hey, Hakase-chan! Where's Sensei sleeping?"

"Hadn't I made it clear by now?" Satomi asked, slightly annoyed while trying to apply some oil on the left elbow of the always stoical robot. "He is staying at our dorm, right at the B-wing of the—"

"I don't mean that!" the redhead exclaimed. "I mean at which part of your home is he sleeping!"

"Oh, you should have started by saying that" Hakase shook her head. "Well, we only have one bedroom, so he has been forced to share it with us..."

A collective squeal was heard through the whole classroom, making Yue, Evangeline, Mana, Asuna and Setsuna to cringe.

"You're sleeping in the same room! How daring!" Yuuna chuckled.

"H-How improper, you mean!" Ayaka fumed at the verge of a stroke.

"I never expected it from you guys," Misa grinned evilly.

"Well, you know what they say about the quiet ones," Haruna shared, making Yue to scowl and Nodoka to blush and make a fearful face.

"It isn't that bad. Sensei has a futon of his own," Hakase, always nearly oblivious, continued her sacred task, undaunted.

"How close to your beds?" Yuuna wiggled her eyebrows and nudged Hakase's ribs with a playful elbow.

"At the opposite side of the room, actually," Hakase replied absently. "For some reason, though, that didn't stop him from sleepwalking to Chisame's bed last night..."

She finally turned to look back at the others after she heard a collective, nearly deafening, shriek of fawning coming out from most of her classmates. "... What? What did I say?"

"You guys are sickos!" Asuna commented with evident disgust.

"Chisame-chan's got a whole lap edge on this race already!" Fuuka laughed.

"A race for what?" Hakase blinked.

"And here I thought she'd be the last one to get a boyfriend!" Madoka shared.

"A boyfriend?" Satomi was puzzled.

"C'mon, Professor!" Misa stared straight into her eyes. "Not even you can be that absent-minded!"

The class waited for a few minutes while Satomi just stared back, silently analyzing their words until inspiration finally struck.

"He is still rather extremely young to be considered as an object of romantical affection, or to be interested on such pursuits himself," the scientist finally stated, flat and coldly.

"What has she just said?" Asuna asked Yue.

"She said he's only a child, and they are pedos," Yue surmised.

"Oh. I thought so, but I wanted to be sure" Asuna nodded. "Yeah, for once I agree with Miss Smartypants."

Chao patted her science friend on a shoulder almost maternally. "Satomi, Satomi, Satomi. Keeping an analytic, rational mind is okay, of course, but every once in a while, you have to look past that, neh?"

"She's right" Misa nodded emphatically. "God, you're such a cold fish!"

Ayaka finally regained enough sense from her shock to bring some semblance of order back, slamming a hand several times down against the teacher's desk. "Regardless! Until this whole ugly affair is sorted out, Negi-sensei's health must be our main concern! As the Class President, I say we should enlist a commission headed by me to visit him today after classes! The poor child must be suffering all alone—"

"He's with Chisame," Hakase reminded her.

"—all alone..." Ayaka repeated herself. "That, I cannot allow to continue! As a matter of fact, perhaps we should go right now!"

Satomi remembered Chisame's warnings to not allow anyone at all to go visit them. Both to protect Chiu's secret, and to protect anyone else from suffering the effects of the dreaded Stripping Sneeze.

The threat of a fist being held against her nose so closely had been enough to firmly mark itself into her normally vacant and forgetful mind.

"Um, actually, we are under technical quarantine," Satomi quickly said. "Their illness, while not harmful, is highly contagious, and, um, the Headmaster prohibited anyone but medically trained help from entering our rooms!"

"Really?" Konoka blinked. "Ne, Asuna! Maybe if I talk with him, he would allow us to—".

"Y-You shouldn't!" Hakase's eyes widened.

"Yeah, you shouldn't, Konoka" Asuna groaned. "It isn't worth risking your health."

From her seat, Setsuna nodded more eagerly than she would have liked to, without really noticing it.

"Um, if that's the case, maybe I could go?" Izumi Ako shyly pointed out. "As a school nurse, I believe it's my duty. I could bring them some medicine..."

"Your health's too frail, Ako," Akira reminded her gently. "You shouldn't overexpose yourself."

A laugh came from another seat, making Ayaka to give its occupant a killer icy glare. "What is so funny, Kasuga-san?"

Misora grinned at her. "If that's the case, I'll be the one to go! I have an iron health, and my Order's vows include caring over the sick! I don't have anything better to do today, so I'll be glad to help!"

The Class Rep doubted. "You...? That's very unlike you. Since when are you that eager to help?"

"C'mon, Iinchou!" the shorter girl requested. "Cut me some slack, okay? I'm not that bad a person. What, are you afraid I could try something indecent with him? You know I couldn't possibly do that!"

Ayaka hesitated, unwilling to grant Misora's permission but also unable to shoot her points down in public. With all eyes fixed on her now, she had no choice but relenting.

"Very well. However, Kasuga-san, rest assured, if I ever learned someone attempted to pull ANY sort of ill-spirited prank or practical gag on Negi-sensei AGAIN—"

She towered over Misora, giving her a psychotic stare that reminded Kasuga too much of Sister Shakti for her liking.

"—that person would regret it very dearly afterwards, don't you agree?"

Misora nodded with a gulp. "Oh, yes, you are so right!"

The beautiful heiress broke into a cheerful and pure smile then. "In that case, it's decided! You will act as our class ambassador of good will today and deliver Izumi-san's medicine to our beloved Sensei! We are all counting on you!"

Hakase was about to protest clumsily, but then the classroom's door was opened from the outside, and in walked the tall and handsome figure of Professor Takahata Takamichi.

"Good morning, class," the man greeted politely. "Today, Negi-sensei will be unable to teach his classes, so Headmaster Konoe asked me to cover for him by moving my Arts lessons—". He paused. "Asuna-kun? Asuna-kun, are you feeling okay?"

The Baka Red nodded quickly, sucking her tears of happiness back. She only hoped that sound of glee she had just made had not been too dirty sounding at all.

Although the way the other girls were looking at her now wasn't too promising in that regard.

**Act Three:**

"Here you go," Chisame said as she placed the bowl of soup on the small table, right before him. "Eat it while it's still hot" she added, evenly, sitting down to serve herself her own bowl.

"Thank you," Negi nodded humbly, then put his hands together and muttered a brief prayer in English, keeping his eyes closed. Chisame watched him with distant curiosity as he did that, then to start eating in a way very unlike that of a normal child. It was elegant and polite, without being too refined or prissy.

"Do you like it?" the older girl asked, mainly because of sheer formality.

"It is very good, yes," he smiled, nodding at her before rubbing his reddened nose with a napkin. Now that had been a gesture more fitting a child. Satisfied with that last relative bit of normalcy, Chisame began eating her soup as well.

It was average, all things considered, the boy thought as he continued his dinner, but it was the thought that mattered. No one could ever cook like Nekane, but Miss Hasegawa had tried, and she had done it for him, right? That was more than enough for him.

"Um... Forgive my question, Hasegawa-san..." he hesitated between sips.

"Yeah?".

"N-Nothing. Forget it."

She gave him a sharp glare. "No. What is it?".

"It's nothing, really..."

"Good. Then share it" she dryly demanded. "It won't hurt, right?"

"Well, I was just asking myself a few things... About this Academy, for instance. I had heard it was a mixed one, but most of the students almost everywhere seem to be girls. Some classes, like our own, are made of nothing but girls..."

"Takahata-sensei didn't tell you? Well, I guess it's been a short time since you arrived" she took a small bite of her bread. "Mahora used to be a fully feminine academy. It only was relatively few years ago that changed. Male students are still somewhat of a minority."

"Ah."

"Which other things were in your mind, Sensei?" she didn't relent, fixing her eyes on him again.

"Nah, nothing else" he fidgeted again. "That was all."

The girl scowled. "Has anyone ever told you you're horrible at lying? No wonder they uncover your secret all the time."

"Okay, okay!" he submitted. "I, um, just was wondering about your family."

"My family?"

"Well, yes... You see, err, a teacher is supposed to have some grasp of his students' background, to—".

"Even at that, you're weird," Chisame poked the air with her spoon in his direction. "Any normal teacher would just wait until the parents' meeting. But fine, I'll tell you. I have both parents alive, although I rarely see them anymore," she said indifferently. "I also have an older sister, studying at Tokyo's Nekomi Tech Institute, but again, she's mostly a non issue. How about you? You mentioned a promise to your father yesterday. Was he the one who sent you here?"

Negi looked down, struck back by the question, although not much since he was mostly expecting it after asking her about her relatives. Still, it pained him. Why had he asked her in the first place?, he wondered. The Magus was right; he still had a lot to learn.

"Ah, not exactly..." he denied with his head.

She narrowed his eyes, trying to read his fumbling expressions. Had she just touched a sensitive nerve? Was she supposed to feel bad about it? Before anything else could be said or thought, however, Hakase had arrived, without announcing herself, as usual.

"Ah, Hakase-san!" Negi had quickly latched on the chance to change the subject. "Welcome home—"

His jaw, as well as Chisame's, fell as they saw someone else walking in right behind Satomi, grinning mischievously at them. It was a young woman in a nun's habit, carrying a large basket covered with a blanket in a hand.

"We aren't bad enough to need last rites!" Chisame raised her voice while standing up.

"Waiiiii!" Satomi cringed back. "I'm sorry! Iinchou-san insisted on her coming with me!"

Chisame's annoyed glare now fell fully on the nun. "And why? Who are you?"

"Hasegawa-san, please, those aren't—" Negi began to intervene before scratching his nose wildly, in a frantic attempt to calm the itching before it forced him to sneeze.

The nun simply stared widely at Chisame. "... You don't recognize me?"

The girl with the large glasses scowled. The voice seemed familiar to some degree, but... "Should I?"

"It's me! Misora! Kasuga Misora!" the young nun protested, pulling her veil down to reveal a head full of short, spiky and rebellious brown hair.

"Kasuga?" Chisame blinked several times. "Why are you disguised like that?"

"THIS ISN'T A DISGUISE! I HAVE TAKEN PRELIMINARY VOWS AT THE LOCAL CHURCH! Sheesh, if you didn't spend all your time locked down here, you might know that!" With her humor spoiled, Misora plopped herself down at the other side of the table, rather nonchalantly.

"If this is any sort of setup for a prank..." Chisame began, but Negi cut her words short, bowing to the visitor.

"Student Number Nine of the list, right?" he said. "It's a honor to have you here, but, umm, we are somewhat sick in here, and—"

Misora smirked at him. "Relax, Negi-sensei! That's exactly why I'm here! I brought you some medicaments from Izumi Ako, plus some old remedies of our order! With them, I guarantee you'll be like new in no time at all!"

"That's very kind from you! Thanks a lot!" Negi beamed happily.

"Yes, yes, it is" Chisame softly tapped a foot on the floor. "Thanks, but I think you'd better get going now. For your own good. Believe me, you don't want Sensei sneezing on you..."

Misora laughed waving her concerns away. "I think I can survive a little meager cold!"

"Trust me, you would feel a lot of cold... I mean, that cold a lot," Chisame snarked.

Ignoring her, Misora simply looked all around the living room, until her eyes caught what she was looking for. A magical staff lying on the sofa.

"Say, Sensei!" she sprang back to her feet and walked to it, grabbing it to examine it carefully. "I've been meaning to ask... why do you carry this thing around? A souvenir from your homeland?"

Negi paled, feeling a sudden knot in his throat. All three girls noticed it easily, each one pausing in her own way to look at him. Misora panicked inside. Had she revealed her interest way too soon?

Then he breathed out aloud, seeming to relax again, somewhat resigned.

"From my Father, actually" he confessed. "The only thing I have been left from him."

"Oh?" Misora asked.

"It's... nothing at all" Negi attempted to wave it off. "Really. I... He just..."

Misora knelt down at his side, smiling kindly while caressing his right cheek with a hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Are you an orphan? We never are fully orphaned as long as we stay under our heavenly Father's—"

"M-My father isn't dead!" Negi reacted rather abruptly.

Chisame blinked, showing slight facial signs of concern. "Sensei?"

"I haven't seen him in a long while, but... I know he's alive, somewhere out there" he said, firmly.

Misora's face was one of shock for a moment, but then she smiled again, deciding to file the matter away for now. "Of course he is," she replied, renewing her smile.

**Act Four:**

The medicine seemed to actually have made quite a good effect on Negi, Chisame silently observed as she watched the boy happily talking with Misora at the other end of the table. He hadn't attempted to sneeze in almost a full hour by now, and even Chisame herself was feeling somewhat better after drinking some of Ako's remedies as well. Between them and the secret virtual idol, Hakase was absorbed into her own world like always, fixing some sort of remote control.

"I didn't know a nun in training had so much to do, Kasuga-san" the young teacher was commenting, mildly awed by Misora's no doubt somewhat exaggerated tales.

"Oh, and you don't even know the half of it yet, Sensei!" the tomboyish looking girl said in a joking tone. If only they had known how honest that last statement was...

"I'd love to visit your Church this weekend" he asked. "Can I go even if I'm not a Catholic?"

"Of course you can!" Kasuga laughed it off. "So, what's your religion, Sensei?"

"I, um..." he seemed to hesitate now, "... I suppose you could say I'm... Anglican."

"I see" Misora grinned with a knowing glint in her eyes. "How about you, Chisame-chan?"

"Shintoist" the longer haired girl replied automatically, out of habit despite not visiting a shrine ever since New Year. "And don't call me 'Chisame-chan'."

"You need to revel more in the divine ove we all should share, Chisame-chan," the prankster commented, then tilted her head towards the third female. "And you, Professor?"

None of them expected Satomi to actually be aware of what they were talking about, but much to their surprise, the mad genius answered without missing a beat. "Atheist."

Misora blinked. "Atheist?"

Negi was impacted as well. It was almost unheard of to meet some familiar with the existence of magic, and yet unwilling to believe in some sort of deity.

"I believe every aspect of existence, even those we could consider to be 'supernatural', to be perfectly explainable through sheer scientific reasoning," Hakase answered, as calmed as ever. "There is no need to believe in higher powers of an otherwordly origin behind the fabric of the universe."

Misora made a face. "I should have expected that from you, but somehow, I wanted to think better."

"There is no shame on it," Hakase almost shrugged her shoulders casually.

Chisame glanced at the wall clock. "I think it's getting late. Don't you have any kind of curfew at your convent?"

"Nah, it's alright" Misora waved a hand. "I only work there part-time. The rest of the time, I share a normal room with my friend Cocone-chan. I guess it IS getting late, though." She stood up, pulling the veil back on her head. "I should get going."

Negi stood up as well. "Do you want company on your way there? It's very dark outside, and—"

"No, I'll be fine! You, on the other hand..." Kasuga interrupted him, "Well, it IS very cool out there, too, and I don't want you to catch another cold. Well, we'll continue talking tomorrow, okay?"

She winked an eye playfully at him.

"Sure! See you then!" he smiled with glee at her.

The novice skipped gracefully towards the front door, waving her goodbyes to the other two girls. "Bye bye, Chisame-chan, Professor!"

"Bye" Hakase nodded absently, still working on her remote.

"Don't call me 'Chisame-chan'" Chisame repeated herself while seeing her going away. "Honestly. What a troublesome person."

"Ah? I thought she was very kind and charming," Negi looked up at her.

"Well, I suppose there's no account for taste," Hasegawa muttered, looking aside and guiding him in. "Come on, you'd better go to bed early tonight, if you really want to be in any shape to work tomorrow."

"I am!" he nodded, full with vitality again. "Thanks to Kasuga-san's medicines!"

"I wouldn't be shocked if ALL of them came from Izumi," Chisame announced. "Kasuga loves to take the credit for others' work. You don't know her like I do."

"You didn't even know she was a nun," Satomi quietly pointed out.

"Did you?" Chisame shot back at her.

The black haired girl made a pause before saying, "Point duly noted."

Negi smiled before looking through the window and into the direction Kasuga had taken in her way out. Truly, he was noticing, his students seemed to be all wonderful in their own different ways.

He was so lucky.

Misora gladly walked her way through the Mahora Campus boulevards, at a fast yet relaxed pace.

It had been a great recognition mission. She had learned a lot about her target. He was easy to impress, easy to influence, overly eager to please those around him, especially young ladies. No doubt, she could get a Pactio from him before too long.

And yet, now she almost felt bad over using him, as well. He had seemed so sad when mentioning his father...

What would be the big deal with him?, Misora wondered. She was having second thoughts on not asking in depth about him. Springfield... hadn't she ever heard about some mage named Springfield before? There were some stories; she tried to remember, frowning to herself.

Ah, yes. Sister Shakti had once said the actual name of the Thousand Master was Springfield, hadn't she? The thought brought a chill upon Misora's spine.

The Thousand Master. The rumors said he had been the one to defeat the scourge of Misora's childhood nightmares. The one her parents had mentioned so often in their attempts to scare her straight. The Vampire Witch, with her long and sharp bloody fangs, always thirsty for the vital fluids of young maidens...

The Dark Evangel.

The long repressed memory made Misora to clatter her teeth and quicken her pace. There was something chillier into the wind now, she decided, with her heart beating faster. She almost could feel an ill omen dancing in the icy breeze, and it was nearly as if she was being watched from some point at the shadows.

Misora broke into a real sprint now, making her way across the deserted nocturnal campus, hoping to reach the safety of her dorm soon. She was sure it was only her imagination, but even so, it felt too vivid and real for her liking.

Finally, the dorm was at sight in the distance, and she breathed easier, slowing down again. She had covered a lot of distance in a very short (even if her tension had made it to seem eternal) time, but that was expected from a track and field team member.

Misora chuckled to herself about her own pathetic fears. She only was glad Sister Shakti and Cocone couldn't see her now. Cocone surely was asleep by now, wouldn't she? A good night of sleep sounded just right now, Misora decided. But first a hot bath, and—

Then something dark and small, wrapped in a huge cape as black as the night, jumped down from the cherry trees and into her way, blocking her path.

Misora only had time to step back and shriek in panic.

Then those inhuman sharp eyes glinted in the darkness, and a petite hand quickly reached out to forcefully grab her by the chest and slam her back against a tree's trunk.

Then everything went pitch black.

 **NEXT:** Aisaka Sayo?


	7. Lesson 5: Shadow of the Vampire

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Likewise, all other characters mentioned here are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. But again, you already knew that, right? I know you did.

Thanks for all your reviews; I may be able to deliver on some of your requests, maybe not so much on others, but still, I hope the trip continues being pleasant enough for all of you, readers.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER FIVE.**

**Act One:**

The earliest sunlight beams fell through the window and into Chisame's face, making her to sit up rubbing her eyes and mumbling to herself. Then, caught by a sudden ill feeling, she quickly looked at her side, only to breathe easier at seeing no one there.

Good, maybe the brat was starting to get a clue and know his place after all. Chisame smiled at her accomplishment; in only two nights, she had managed to cure him from that bad habit of slipping into her bed.

Pleased at such a well done job, the girl climbed back down the stairs to take a look into Satomi's bunk... and then to make a wild take.

Hakase was lying on her back, head slightly tilted aside, drooling a bit out of a corner of her lips, arms and legs open wide. And Negi was sleeping at her side, curled up into a small ball, his hands clutching her body in a tight hug, his head resting under one of her armpits.

Chisame's head sunk down in frustration.

"Please, Chisame, like I have had to remind you several times before, he is still just a child!" the scientist was still declaring as they approached Class 2-A's door. "I truly still fail to see why you and the rest raise such a ruckus over it."

The taller girl still scowled as she quickly walked next to a sheepish looking Negi. "Good manners must be taught from the cradle! You may understand a lot about machines, but next to nothing about people!"

Satomi rolled her eyes around. What was the big deal everyone was making about the child? She just couldn't wrap her head around it. To her, it barely was different from picking a puppy up and raising it. While it taught you English. So what if he decided to share some occasional sleeping space with her? "That is fully inconsequential" she mused aloud. "He already seems rather polite in the areas that truly do matter. Sensei, can you understand the root of the problem better than I do?"

"Eh, maybe it's better not to talk about it for now" he sweated under Hasegawa's stern glare. "I promise to try and stay quiet tonight, okay?"

Chisame only mumbled a vague reply before stopping right before the door. "Is there something wrong?" her teacher asked.

"I have a vague feeling more than half of them will be trying to stab me in the back as soon as I walk in," she confided reluctantly.

"Oh, come on!" Negi laughed. "Why would they do that?"

"You don't know enough about the way most jealous teenagers behave yet, do you?" Chisame drew in as much breath as she could before taking the plunge and walking in.

Much to her surprise, however, she found most of the class gathered in a semi circle around Ayaka, debating about something and sporting concerned expressions. As soon as she saw Negi, however, the Class Rep left her spot to race to his encounter, wrapping him into a tight hug.

"Oh my God, Negi-sensei! Thanks all Heavens you are okay! We were about to go looking for you!" she exclaimed joyfully.

"What? Why?" he blinked helplessly. "Has something bad happened?"

"Haven't they told you yet?" Makie asked. "It was horrible!"

"Kasuga-san was apparently attacked after leaving your dorm last night" Nodoka whispered, keeping her gaze low.

"What?" the boy gasped in terror, while behind him, Chisame stiffened up in place and Hakase blinked without a clue. "How? Is she okay? Who did it?"

"They found her early this morning, unconscious under a cherry tree near her dorm" Natsumi informed. "As soon as she heard about it, Asakura-san ran outside to investigate."

"Shizuna-sensei said she wasn't seriously injured or anything, though," Asuna gave him a glare. "Maybe YOU just contagied her with something and she fainted."

"She seemed completely healthy when she left," Hakase pondered thoughtfully. "The way I see it, it'd have taken her at least a few hours of viral incubation to actually manifest serious symptoms."

"Where is Kasuga-san now?" Negi asked, struggling free from Ayaka's grip.

"At the medical wing with Shizuna-sensei and Ako" Chizuru answered. "I can guide you there if you—"

"I'll find my way, thanks!" Negi bowed to her before quickly writing a few indications on the chalkboard. "I'll come back as soon as I can! In the meanwhile, read the text from pages 35 to 38, and if you have any doubts, just ask, um—"

"Chao," the class chorused pointing at their top student.

"Yes, her!" Negi nodded very fast. "I'll be back as soon as I can!" He excused himself before running outside as fast as his short legs could carry him.

"... He's going in the opposite direction," Mana delivered dryly.

"Let him," Asuna groaned indifferently.

"Maybe we should go with him," Konoka was worried.

"You heard Shizuna," Yuuna said. "We aren't allowed to get in there. I wonder why so much secrecy about it."

"It must be the vampire!" Misa pointed out.

"Vampire?" Satomi asked.

Misa sighed. "Oh, you are always the last one to learn those things, aren't you? Don't you remember the scandal a few weeks ago? About the vampire who attacked one of 3-A's students right after she settled back from vacations and into her room?"

"You mean Miyamoto-san, the politician's daughter?" Akira asked.

"Yeah, her," Misa nodded. "Takagi-san from 2-B is a friend of hers, and she told me she had been bitten in the neck after being knocked out."

"EEEEEKKKK!" Fuuka and Fumika shuddered.

Misa loomed over them, opening her mouth and letting her tongue to hang out, all the while grinning in a perverse way. "The only thing Miyamoto-san could see was someone wearing a wide black cape, like Dracula... Then she was feeling weak and ill for days afterwards. Who knows? Maybe the vampire stole her soul besides her blood..."

"AHHHHHHH!" the twins hugged each other.

"Misa!" Asuna scolded her. "How can you believe something as stupid as that?"

"Ah, yes? Then what do you think it was?" the lead cheerleader retorted.

"I dunno. Maybe a wild dog or something."

"What kind of wild dog attack goes like that?"

"Heh, heh, heh..." Haruna chuckled, leaning back on her chair with her arms crossed. "You just don't know anything, do you? Saying a vampire can exist is just as ridiculous as saying a dog could catch up to Misora, then suck her blood off. The responsible of this only can be a creature whose existence has been proved by science. A hideous being who has stalked several parts of the world for years now, maybe after coming from outer space..."

"What the heck are you talking about?" Asuna asked her.

"Why, I mean—" Haruna stood up and proclaimed, "THE CHUPACABRAS! Scourge of the lonely South American jungles! Killer of cattle and small children! A vicious animal hellbent on sucking the blood out of any victim that crosses its path!"

"NOOOOO!" the twins began to cry out.

"That's even dumber!" Asuna protested. "What kind of idiot could believe such a thing? Even if that critter existed, what would it be doing at Japan?"

"Learning that is our sacred mission to uphold" Haruna stated rather grimly, walking up to draw something at the chalkboard. "Indeed, to stop this lunacy before more of us perish—"

"NO ONE HAS PERISHED YET!" Asuna and Ayaka yelled at once.

"—We must find and capture the beast! Hopefully earning fame and fortune as secondary, but very welcomed, side benefits!" Haruna finished drawing what seemed to be a cross between an overgrown potato and Godzilla. "This is, according to most reports, what a Chupacabras would look like—"

Ayaka forcefully shoved an eraser into the mangaka's hands. "Erase it. Now," she commanded.

"But we must identify the enemy if we want to neutralize it!" Haruna said.

"The only thing you want to neutralize are Sensei's study orders!" Ayaka told her.

"And besides, it's absolutely pointless to believe there is a Chupacabras around here" Yue said.

"Then what else could it be?" Haruna questioned.

Zazie, for once, seemed to look at the others for a moment then. That, on itself, made them to look back at her in turn, suddenly silenced by the lazy stare of those strange golden eyes. Their shock only grew when the dark skinned girl opened her mouth and spoke a single, softly pronounced word.

"Batman."

"Ah, it's true!" Sakurako chirped. "That explains the black cape!"

"Batman doesn't exist, though, does he?" Madoka looked doubtfully at Misa.

"I think it's only an American urban legend," Misa answered.

"Listen to yourselves, will you?" Asuna despaired. "Next you'll be saying Superman did it!"

Chisame muttered angrily at their antics, while attempting her best to remain distant and focus into her laptop.

Satomi, meanwhile, was busy taking Chachamaru's routine report while noticing the absence of an important factor.

"Chachamaru?"

"Yes?" the gynoid softly asked.

"Where's Eva-san today?"

"She was having a... stomach ache this morning. She said she would be taking the day off," the robot reported.

"As expected from Eva," Asuna shook her head. "It's unfair she gets that favoritism. Man, if we only dared to skip half the classes she misses—"

"Mmmmm," Satomi made a thoughtful sound briefly, before just nodding and taking her latest lectures of her creation's mechanical body.

Chao watched them silently, wondering what turn the events would take that time.

**Act Two:**

The room was completely still and quiet when Negi walked in, leaving both Sister Shakti and Shizuna behind.

Sister Shakti had seemed polite and formal enough to him, but she still seemed to be somewhat uneasy and forced in his presence. Negi was naive to some degree, but it had been clear enough for even him to notice it. Then again, of course, he had pretended not even realizing it.

A small girl with long dark hair and deeply tanned skin sat on a chair next to Misora's bed, holding her right hand. Her eyes were huge, deep and sad, but the rest of her face conveyed no expression at all.

Misora herself looked pale and haunted, a far cry from last night's happy go lucky girl. And yet, she smiled at him when she saw him again.

"Sensei," she spoke softly. "Ah, you came early. I'm glad."

"Don't force yourself too much." With a hand, he gestured for her to stay down. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah" she nodded, and then nudged her head towards the smaller girl, who now was looking at Negi with the same enigmatic, melancholic stare. "Hey, you two haven't met yet, have you? Sensei, she's my roommate, Cocone Fatima Rosa. Cocone-chan, he's Negi Springfield, my new homeroom teacher."

"Ah, it's a pleasure to meet you, Cocone-san!" Negi bowed to the little girl.

"Yes" the tiny female said with a barely audible, diminutive voice, in words that were as brief as they could. "Same here."

"She isn't big on conversations, but she's a huge help with everything else," Misora chuckled, running a hand fondly though Cocone's hair.

"I'll leave you alone now," Cocone whispered, standing up and going for the door. Before going out, she gave Misora another stare and the briefest hint of a possible smile, then closed the door shut behind her.

Negi stared into her direction even then.

"I asked her for it in case you came," Misora shared, keeping her voice low.

Negi gave her a concerned look. "Is there anything you need to tell me in private?"

"Yes," Misora nodded. "It's about last night."

The boy sat on the chair Cocone had used before. "Did you get to see who did it?"

"Barely," Misora shuddered, suddenly gripped by fear. "She was dark, with evil eyes, and long fangs..."

"She?" Negi blinked.

"Yes. I'm sure it was the Vampire Witch, the Messenger of Darkness, the Mistress of Puppets," Kasuga bit her lower lip. "It had to be her. The legends tell of her unending thirst for blood, spreading terror at her wake. The Dark Evangel..."

The boy tensed up. "H-how do you know about those legends?"

She gave him a more personal stare, lowering her voice even more as she held his right hand in hers. "It's because I'm a mage, too" she said. "I knew you were a wizard from the moment I met you. Don't panic; your secret is safe with me as long as mine is safe with you... Heck, actually, there isn't a reason for it to be a secret between the two of us, anyway!"

"I-I-I guess there isn't!" he stammered, before realizing maybe he had just admitted too much. "Oh, um, I mean—"

"I'm not tricking you" she insisted, lifting an index finger to show him the suddenly summoned tiny flame dancing on the top of it. "I'm still a beginner, okay, but I know pretty much all the basics of the trade. My parents told me everything there is to know about it since before I learned how to read."

Negi paused and gulped. Hakase-san, Kasuga-san, probably Lingshen-san as well...

"Exactly how many others at the class already know about magic?" he whispered back.

"As far as I know... no one but me. Why?"

He laughed uneasily. "Huh, it's nothing! I just felt I had to ask—"

"Forget the other students!" Misora urged him. She shook the finger and the flame died down. "One of the things my parents always warned me about was the thing that attacked me last night. Fifteen years ago, a legendary sorcerer supposedly defeated her, but now, I'm convinced she's back". She gave him a deeper look. "Sensei, be very careful. If she has chosen to appear at this exact time, it might be because she's gunning for you."

"Ehhh?" he recoiled. "Why me?"

Misora attempted to read his confused face. Didn't he know exactly who had beaten the Dark Evangel? Then again, judging from the way Sister Shakti handled it as such a secret, maybe it was better not to tell him yet. The last thing she wanted on the wake of being bitten by a vampire was being massacred by her superiors.

Instead, she bared her neck to Negi. "Look here. Sister Shakti used a healing spell on the bite marks, but they still should be there. They have started to vanish, but they are going away very slowly..."

"EHHH!" he gasped. "Sister Shakti is a mage too?"

She hastily covered his mouth with a hand. "Not! So! Loud!" she cringed, giving a fearful brief glimpse at the door before sighing and releasing his mouth. "I'm not sure she wants you to know, since she's very stuck up about the rules, so don't tell her I told you, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded.

She grabbed him by the shoulders and smiled. "Good boy."

"But, about my other question—"

Misora hushed him with a finger over his lips and a wink of an eye. "I'll tell you more later" she teased. "For now, however, go back with the others. The Sister will soon walk in if she thinks you're taking too long with me."

"Right" he nodded, bowing to her again as he stood up. "Get better soon, please. I have many things I want to ask you about."

"So do I" she smirked. "So do I, Sensei."

She watched him walking out, and then she breathed deeper. Thinking more about it, she wasn't sure it was so much of a good idea, to make a Pactio with him if the vampire was after him in the long run.

And yet, she thought, looking at her right hand, which still felt so warm, almost as if she still was touching his soft skin, another part of her, for some reason she couldn't understand, now wanted it even more than before.

**Act Three:**

It was already getting more or less dark when Negi left the school for the day with Chisame, Hakase being gone to her club activities once more. However, that particular afternoon, they were stopped by the sudden appearance on their way of a tall spiky haired redhead.

"Ah!" the boy blinked, quickly remembering her name. "Asakura Kazumi-san, student number three, right?"

"That's right!" the big breasted girl nodded with a wide smile. "Hoo-hoo, it's so nice to see you caught on my name so quickly, Sensei!"

"He has memorized the whole class' list by now" Chisame replied dryly, just to make her feel somewhat less special. "Listen, if this is another attempt to pry into our private lives—"

"Hey, there's no need to get that stingy, Chisame-chan!" Kazumi said. "We all know there has to be something juicy beyond your thick wall of secrets, especially now you're living with a young man..." she chuckled in a rather unnerving way, making both of the others to blush crimson, "But even that can wait for now! All other news have paled in comparison to the dreaded Vampire of Mahora!"

"Are you believing those idiotic crazy theories of Saotome and Kakizaki, too?" Chisame huffed.

"Well, I'm not saying they are true yet, but a good reporter can't discard any option until they have been proved fake" the taller girl defended herself. "Did you know I write for the school newspaper, Sensei?"

"Yes, I did" he quickly nodded. As a matter of fact, one of the first things Takahata had told him about the class was she was the one he should be the most wary about learning his secret.

"Good, then you know I'm obliged to show the truth about any mystery that can happen at this school," the young paparazzi stated. "Especially when it can be a threat to everyone's safety, don't you agree?"

"And that excused you to skip classes today, naturally" Chisame said with a lot of calm.

"Naturally" Kazumi agreed. "I went to investigate at the place where they found Misora. There were no signs of struggle, nor any footprints or traces anywhere. It's almost as if the attacker just flew in, then flew out. Really weird, I tell you. And it's far from being the first weird thing I have seen here."

"Other than the robot, the childlike teenagers, the suicidal teacher, the girl carrying a sword to classes, and Rainyday, you mean?" Hasegawa asked quite ironically.

"I mean 'weird' like in 'supernatural'", Kazumi seemed a bit annoyed now. "I'm being serious now! Sensei, if I tell you something that has bugged me for a few years now, do you promise you won't laugh at me?"

"I wouldn't ever laugh at a student's troubles!" Negi solemnly promised, in a tone that would have been inspiring if it hadn't come in a child's voice.

"I make no promises," Chisame flatly added.

"Oh, as if you ever could laugh," Kazumi snipped, then told Negi, "As you may know by now, we have used the same classroom for years, grade after grade, even as some students come and go. But through all that time, the seat next to mine has always been empty. Always. No matter what."

"I think it must be a humanitary mission. Not to allow anyone to sit next to you, ever. I'd bet it has saved many people a lot of grief," Chisame's deadpan delivery became unusually sharp.

Kazumi shot her an angry stare, but continued focusing her own words on Negi. "The weird part is, often, I can feel there is someone sitting there. Do you ever get that feeling you are being watched? I get it all the time. And sometimes, when I walk very close to that seat, I can feel an icy snap running up my spine..."

"Oh, dear," Negi blinked.

"It must be your imagination," Chisame suggested. "I have walked next to it, and I've never felt anything. Neither has Hakase".

"Yuuna has felt it, though" Kazumi confided them. "She sits behind that seat, and she has had some strange sensations at times, too, although not as often as me. I don't say it has to be something supernatural, mind you, but there must be some explanation behind it".

"And do you think it could have some connection to the recent attacks?" the teacher asked.

"Maybe" Asakura shrugged. "It's what I want to discover now. All I know is Seat Number One used to belong to someone named 'Aisaka Sayo', but I've found no files or information on her. Even Bookstore-chan and her pals haven't found anything in their libraries".

"Bookstore-chan?" Negi blinked.

"Miyazaki Nodoka," Chisame supplied.

"Oh".

"Maybe you can learn something I cannot with your connections to the other teachers, though," Kazumi told him. "Please, Sensei, could you do that for me?".

"Yes, I'll do some research on my own side," he promised. "If I learn something, I'll let you know about it!"

"What a dearie!" Kazumi chuckled coyly, ruffling his hair.

"Hey, respect me, please! I'm your teacher!"

"Ha ha ha!" the redhead laughed. "Don't be so stiff, Teach! Thanks for the help, anyway. I'll also inform you when I get to learn anything else! Bye!" she ran out with a wink of an eye.

After Asakura was out of sight, Negi took another glance at his class roster booklet. The first student of the list, unlike all others, had only a blurry black and white photo over her name, a date, and a warning.

'Student Number One: Aisaka Sayo'.

'1940'.

'Don't change or move her seat'.

Chisame took a peek over his shoulder. Vaguely, she also noticed the 'DESERVING HAPPINESS' written below her own image, but, despite his cringing in fear about it, she took it in stride, even cracking a very brief smile before asking, "So, do you think it may be something magical after all?"

"I'm not sure," he doubted. "I can't say I have felt anything near that seat, but I'm still a novice, and two days ago, I thought I saw a girl who looked like this running across the campus. The odd thing was she seemed to vanish at some point... like a ghost."

The pock-marked girl scowled, concerned. "Great. The last thing we needed; a murderous ghost on the loose".

"Well, we don't know anything for sure yet. I asked Minamoto-sensei about this girl in my first day here, but she only told me these were direct indications from the Headmaster, and he had refused to tell her the reasons behind it".

"Well, if he didn't want to tell her, you'll get nothing from him either," his roommate pointed out. "There's nothing to do about it. Just forget it and let the authorities to handle it".

He shook his head. "No. I think there is something I might be able to do, after all".

Chisame groaned in annoyance. The only odd feeling she was having now was the one of being about to be dragged into something very bad.

**Act Four:**

The night was starting to fall across the Mahora grounds, wrapping the landscape with a chilly blanket of shadows.

The small blonde knew he was there long before he was announced. That was the biggest problem with his power by far; he never bothered to hide it, partially because the curse made it nearly impossible, but mostly because he never wanted to. Like a pig rolling into the dirt, the man had developed some kind of masochistic obsession with his own despair. It was so bad even the mundanes could feel his aura at times.

So naturally, she had no problem at all being ready for his arrival before Chachamaru appeared at the dining room's door, in her full maid regalia, humbly bowing her head to her.

"Mistress," the gynoid announced in a silky, nearly whispered tone. "Itoshiki-sensei wishes to have a few words with you. I told him you were unavailable, but he insists..."

"It's okay, Chachamaru," the tiny temptress smiled widely, crossing her thin legs and sipping from her glass of wine. "I was expecting he'd come, actually. Bring him to me".

"Yes," Chachamaru nodded only once before retreating, only to return seconds later with the tall and lanky man in a hakama. "If you need something, just ring the bell" she said, then slinked back away without a single sound.

"Ah, Sensei," the girl with the long golden hair purred like a spoiled kitty, leaning forward in her chair, just to show the slightest glimpse of flat cleavage, her slinky black dress subtly shifting with her movement. "And this was being such a nice evening, too. To what do I owe the displeasure of this visit?"

"I had been informed you were feeling ill," the pale man eyed the bottle of wine over the large table with languid disinterest. "Under those circumstances, I fail to see why would you have your dinner with liquor".

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Some of us prefer to drown our woes down instead of drowning ourselves into our own woes. Would you like to have a seat? Perhaps you should drink yourself silly. It still would be an improvement over your current self".

"I highly doubt anything can ever improve upon me," Itoshiki Nozomu lamented. "Losing myself into the drink would only drag me further down. No, thanks. I will be brief. I have no need to sit down".

"Be brief, then," the hostess narrowed her green eyes. "As much as you can".

"Mc Dowell-san," Itoshiki began, sternly. "The Headmaster has sent me here with a fair warning. Stop your attacks on the student body. Don't involve any innocents in any personal vendetta you might have, up to and including the boy himself. We have offered you a place to belong to, and a pardon from your prior crimes; don't betray our trust on you once again".

The petite girl hissed, rising up from her seat. "You have a lot of nerve, Despair. Coming to MY home to make demands of ME? You? When have you ever started to compare to me, much less to try and dare to put conditions on me?"

Itoshiki remained calm, unfazed, for once. "The conditions were put on place long, long ago, Mc Dowell-san. You agreed to them then. I believed you were a woman of your word".

"I was forced to accept conditions I never intended to!" She slammed both hands down at the table, looking at him with killer eyes. "Don't even try to mock me implying it happened otherwise!"

"Regardless, you still are forbidden from doing this," he flatly insisted. "Our students are untouchable, and so is our staff. Whatever you are scheming now the child is here, stop it at once, please".

She clenched her perfectly white, barely sharp and pointy, teeth down. "I can't believe your idiocy".

He sighed sadly. "Yes. I do hear that a lot".

"With excellent reasons," she spat the words out, with despise. "Look at yourself. Nothing but the old man's lapdog, running an errand to insult me at my home only because he isn't man enough to do it himself. What, were all the other lackeys too afraid to come? So they had to send the only one pathetic enough to be that eager to perish?".

"I offered myself, actually," he stated. "And not even you could kill me, so please do stop teasing me. There is nothing fuller of cruelty than a woman's unfulfilled promises".

She grinned perversely. "I could teach you a million things far worse than death".

He slumped his shoulders down. "For me, every thing I've ever lived through already has been worse than death".

"Don't understimate me. I have learned things you couldn't ever begin to imagine," she threatened, then turned around. "Your message has been received, so leave. You have spoiled my appetite".

"I should hope so," Nozomu said.

"Don't get me wrong," she replied. "I cannot claim any knowledge or responsibility on the recent attacks, if that's what actually brought you here".

"There is no need to pretend. We all know it could be no one else. Especially not now that he is here".

"That gnat? I couldn't care less".

"You targeted Shakti's apprentice after she left his quarters. You sent a message both to him and to the Church- that no one is safe. Didn't you?".

For a moment, Evangeline's right hand crackled and sparked as a small whirlwind of black energy swirled around it, but it turned itself off as she shook her head. "No. I wouldn't ever give you the pleasure. Just leave. Your mere presence disgusts me".

"Mc Dowell-san," he still attempted to appeal to her. "Don't do this to yourself".

"What?" she laughed bitterly. "Do you think I'm afraid of forcing your weak hands?"

"No. But you should be afraid of losing yourself to your own darkness, again".

She snarled angrily. "Don't compare me to yourself, buffoon. I am the master of my own darkness. You are a slave of yours".

Itoshiki exhaled a heartfelt breathing. "How despairing".

He turned around to walk for the door, but he stopped right before leaving, looking back at her over his left shoulder. "I wouldn't have expected it happening so soon, in any case. Usually, you prefer to stage your schemes with more finesse, as I understand".

Evangeline Mc Dowell scoffed. "I have no idea what do you mean, But if I ever had to rush a plan out, it would be because some loudmouth loser told something he shouldn't have to someone who shouldn't have listened".

Itoshiki froze right there.

Evangeline smirked coldly at him. "I have eyes and ears everywhere, Despair".

He attempted to regain his own aloofness. "Always an unfitting trait from a lady".

Evangeline laughed, now mockingly. "You shouldn't try to protect him. Protecting anyone is beyond your paltry skills. That's why his father never gave you a place at his side".

Itoshiki turned his gaze away. "My place... is not at anyone's side. I have grown to accept that ever since then. But he had better hopes for you. If you ever appreciated him, you shouldn't betray that, either. Good night".

His steps echoed through the cabin until they finally were extinguished by the distance. Only then did Evangeline groan, lifting her head up to look at the moon through the closest window.

"Why shouldn't I betray he who betrayed me first?" she quietly mused to herself.

**Act Five:**

A few days had passed since then. Uneventful, even relatively normal days, as somehow they began to get used to their new living arrangements. And just like that, the boy's first weekend at Mahora had just arrived.

"I still don't see the need for you to go," Chisame said as she finished combing his hair as best as she could. "But if you really want to—"

"I have to," he seriously declared. "Kasuga-san may be recovering nicely, but I still feel guilty over what happened to her. If only I had been there with her—".

"You idiot" she blandly scolded him. "You barely can take any care of yourself; what makes you think you can fight something like a vampire, if that's what attacked Kasuga?"

She followed him to the door, looking down at him with a stiff, yet slightly concerned expression. Hakase had set up a mini workshop at the living room again, where she was working on a spare arm for Chachamaru. Even after all that time, it still unnerved Hasegawa to see how those things' fingers moved as the genius manipulated the detached member, so she preferred to focus her attention on the child before her.

"Sensei," Chisame stopped him, grabbing him by a shoulder. "Before you go, let's make a few things clear, okay? You, indeed, are going to visit Kasuga, aren't you?".

"Indeed," he quickly nodded his head.

"You aren't going to embark yourself in any sort of insane vampire hunt, are you?"

He laughed it off. "I couldn't find a vampire at mid-morning even if I wanted to!"

"I just want to be sure," the cosplayer replied, undaunted. "But above it all, I want you to swear something to me right now. Promise you aren't going to drag anyone else into this, no matter what. You know you can't reveal that stupid crazy secret of yours to anyone".

He straightened his body up even more, his voice growing deadly serious again. "I swear, on my honor as an English gentleman, I'm not going to pull any student who doesn't know anything about magic into any sort of magical search!"

But inside, he congratulated himself about not including any student already familiar with magic into that promise. Loopholes were, sometimes, a good thing!

"Glad to hear that," Chisame seemed satisfied enough at his words, although she didn't smile. "Just remember, be back here before lunch. We're going to take you for your first meal at Lingshen's place".

"Of course!" he happily nodded. He already had heard enough good things about that restaurant to be looking forward to it. "I'll only take a few hours! See you later, Hasegawa-san, Hakase-san!".

"Goodbye," Satomi waved a hand to him, and then turned her head to her roommate as soon as he was out and the front door was closed. "Are you really going to allow him to go alone?"

"It's still early. The only dangers he may run into are Iincho or Saotome".

"Shouldn't those be considered enough of a menace to his moral integrity?" Hakase wondered in the middle of calibrating a wrist.

"It'll help him to build character," the taller girl said while heading back towards the bedroom. "Plus, it should give me a couple of hours for another update. I haven't been able to add anything big ever since that day".

"Huh? Why not?"

Chisame growled. "Did you expect me to dress up while that little perv's looking?"

Satomi was even more confused now. "Wasn't that the whole point of your hobby? To make young males to find you visually appealing?"

Chisame stared straight into her round eyes. "Sometimes I think you say those things on purpose".

"Is it because he's a foreigner?" Hakase asked again.

"Forget it".

"No, I'm genuinely curious," Satomi pondered. "Is it because of the age difference, then? In that case, it's even more puzzling. On one side, you say we should find nothing compromising or exciting about cohabitating with him, and I agree on that. But then you also profess finding proximity with him compromising after all. I believe you should stick to a single approach to this dilemma" she thoughtfully offered.

Chisame grumbled while undressing to try on the day's first costume. "I can't take a **single** approach to this dilemma," she said, then giving Hakase a pointful glare. "It's a **dual** problem".

Satomi didn't understand it.

Meanwhile, Negi took advantage of the campus being mostly lonely at a free day to cover most of his path flying on his staff. That allowed him to reach the rendezvous point behind the Academy, near a small and currently empty soccer field, in only a few minutes. Misora already was waiting there, against his expectations; she had sounded reluctant when he secretly contacted him over the phone with his idea, and by now he knew she was far from being usually responsible and punctual in pretty much any case.

But she was there, clad in a habit and holding a cross against her chest. She seemed very nervous and afraid, always looking in all directions, but she still was there, in time and bringing everything Negi had told her to bring.

"Good morning," he approached her with a smile he hoped was comforting enough. "Are you feeling better now, Kasuga-san?"

"Ah, good morning," she greeted back, forcing herself to look like her usual self despite her fear. "Yes, I'm like new now! Cocone's covering me for the morning, and I'm fully sure she won't rat me out, but the Sister will have lunch with us in a few hours, so let's do this fast, okay?"

"Right," he nodded, putting on his serious face and leading her towards the main building. "But if you don't want to do this—"

"No, I want to do it now," she shook her head. "I think. Let's just do it before I change my mind, fine?"

He looked back at her, making another smile. "Don't worry. I'll never allow anything bad to happen to you again".

Misora took her head slightly back. "D-Don't say such things. They don't sound right coming from a child".

"Don't think of me like a child!" he protested, in a tone that somehow was too much like a childish whine. "Think of me as your teacher, forever and ever!"

Misora actually found herself chuckling again despite herself. "Yeah. Right. Of course!"

Negi pouted, yet he said nothing as he stopped before one of the back doors and pulled a set of keys out of one of his pockets.

"Wow, they really gave you a full set of keys?" Misora's eyes widened.

"Like I said, I'm a teacher, with everything that implies!" Negi proudly stated.

Misora grinned, her eyes sparkling. Oh, if only she could get her hands on some copies of those keys! The possibilities for new pranks had grown to galactic proportions!

"Sensei..." she purred as she slid to his side, grabbing his right arm just as he opened the door."I'm sorry if I offended you. You really are very mature and responsible for your age..."

"Maybe not so much, since I'm entering this building when I shouldn't be actually here," he admitted with an apologetic embarrassed laugh, "But if we need to do it to solve this mystery, then so be it".

Misora nodded as they walked inside, closing and locking the door behind themselves. There was nothing but lonely halls everywhere at sight. It was so quiet and still it was somewhat scary, even under the sunlight entering through the windows.

She tightened her grip on his arm a bit more.

"2-A is that way," she began to guide him towards the classroom after gulping some saliva down.

"Yes," he had to choice but following her hesitant steps. "Um, Kasuga-san, may I ask you something?"

"What is it, Sensei?"

"Why are you wearing your habit right now?"

""For secrecy purposes. From afar, I'll be harder to identify by any of the girls or the other teachers if I'm wearing this".

"I see. That makes sense".

"Can I ask you something in turn?"

"Naturally".

"How is it, to live with Chisame and the Prof? Iincho says it must be hell, and I don't doubt it. One of them is mad, and the other is always angry and avoiding any human touch..."

"No, they both are actually very nice people" he countered. "Hakase-san is kind and pleasant, and she even lets me to sleep with her. And Hasegawa-san cares a lot about us. She does her best at it, too; she reminds me a bit of my sister..."

Misora gave him a bewildered look. "You sleep with the Prof, too?"

"Heh, heh heh... Sorry about that. Sometimes I roll into people's beds while I'm asleep. It's a bad habit I took while living at Wales..."

"Europeans" Misora sighed as they reached 2-A's door. There, she stopped as if she had been frozen into place, clattering her teeth in horror.

"Like I said, if you don't want to do this—" he started again.

"NO! It's not that! I do want it! But I'd like you to do something for me in turn!" she blabbered, trying to gather enough courage both to enter and to ask him for the big deal.

"I'd do anything for any of you. What is it?" Negi asked.

She gasped, blushed, and drew in a very deep and slow breath before spitting the words out, "Let's make a Pactio!"

Negi's eyes became tiny black spots. "... Ahhh?"

"It's-It's just fair for me to ask this, isn't it?" she said. "If I'm going to help you with this exorcism, I need something to make me a stronger mage!"

Negi had gone ghostly pale. "Do you want me to be your Minister?"

Misora blinked. "... Would you be willing to be the Minister?"

He blinked back, stunned. "... Did you want me to be the Magister?"

She blushed again, looking aside. "Yes, I mean, no! I mean, I hadn't thought about being the Magistra, since I'm a weak mage, but if you want it, it's okay! After all, I'm older than you, so you should be the follower... Yes, I like the sound of that. You can be my Minister!"

"Kasuga-san, you do know what does it take to make a Pactio, don't you?" he eeped out.

"Yeah, yeah, big deal" she laughed shakily, trying to hide her own flushed face. "So what's an innocent kiss between friends, right? Because we can be friends, can't we?"

"O-Of course we can! But that isn't the point! You can't take on a partner just like that! It's a very important decision! One that demands a lot of previous thinking and debating! And besides, I— I— I—"

"What?" Misora asked.

"I don't know how to draw a Pactio circle yet," he lamely finished.

She made a long, shocked pause. "... Neither do I," she finally added in the same tone.

Then they both laughed uncomfortably.

"Weeeeeell, so much for that idea, then!" Misora said, still ashamed.

"Yeah, thank God!" he nodded.

She gave him a sudden stare intense enough to be worthy of Chisame. "Are you implying I'm that hideous?"

He gulped. "Why, I'd never—" He avoided the matter by walking into the classroom. "Well, I guess we can't take any longer! We'll just have to do the exorcism like we had planned, then go back home!"

"Wait, maybe we should—" Misora tried to protest, only to be reminded she still was grabbing him, meaning she had just been pulled into the classroom with him.


	8. Lesson 6: The Haunting of 2-A

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. You should know that already by this point, I've repeated it several times lately! Ha-rumph.

Likewise, all other characters mentioned here are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright holders. _Mai Hime_ and all related characters, for instance, are the property of Sunrise.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

My most heartfelt thanks for all your reviews, although I received a few less this time around. I suppose it was to be expected from a 'bridge' chapter.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER SIX.**

**Act One:**

"Stand there, at the other side of the desk, please," Negi gently asked while moving himself right before Seat Number One, motioning for Misora to place herself behind it. After some hesitation, the young nun obeyed with a frown.

"Now what?" she asked.

The young Mr. Springfield pulled a carefully prepared piece of paper from one of his pockets and checked it again. "This is a basic summoning spell I practiced a couple of times at my Magic Academy, although we never had that many chances to research on spiritual invocations. Most ghosts from my homeland were banished long ago, back when every old castle had at least one troublesome poltergeist".

"Interesting," the female hummed while pulling the candles from her handbag and lighting them up, then to carefully place them around Aisaka's desk. "And it always NEEDED two mages for it to work?" she asked, still hoping he might let her go to pull it off by himself.

"At least two, yes," Negi rolled his sleeves up, breathing deeply. "Both times I practiced it, I did it with my friend Anya. A Magister Magi like my father could do it without any help, of course, but we still are beginners, so it might not even work even if we do it together... then again, Aisaka-san should be a low category spirit, so I figure we should be able to manage it."

Misora truly hoped they would fail now, but something still told her to avoid voicing that.

Instead, she secured the crucifix over her chest and looked at his eyes. "Alrighty then. What's next?"

He extended his hands over at her after strapping his bandaged staff over his torso. "Take my hands and repeat the spell after me. Put your whole heart and mind into it. Try to touch Aisaka-san's soul with your own."

"Fine," she agreed, foolishly, no doubt, as she grabbed his small, warm hands, squeezing them tightly to stop her own trembling. And again, his touch felt comforting and soft, ensuring and calming, at least enough to keep her in place after all, repeating his words even though doing so made her feel like a suicidal moron.

"Rastel Maskir Magister!" he began.

"Rastel Maskir Magister!" she followed, guessing it had to be his activation keyword. Idly, she wondered if she shouldn't have said her own instead, but she supposed, for a conjoint spell, it'd be better to use a single starter sentence.

"Spirit of the deceased, shadow from beyond the grave! Heed our words, show yourself to us, those who invoke your presence!"

After gulping very loudly, she blurted the words as quick as she could. "Spirit of the deceased, shadow from beyond the grave! Heed our words, show yourself to us, those who invoke your presence!"

"We call you by your name, Aisaka Sayo!" Negi shouted. "Unrestful soul, listen to our voices, acting as one to recall you!"

"We call you by your name, Aisaka Sayo!" again, she followed him. "Unrestful soul, listen to our voices, acting as one to recall you!"

"Grant us your audience, you, who still keep your links to the mortal world! Allow us to grant you our humble help in trade! Come forth, here and now!"

"Grant us your audience, you, who still keep your links to the mortal world! Allow us to grant you our humble help in trade! Come forth, here and now!" the girl managed to shriek, even as she felt her hair standing up in point.

The whole air of the classroom seemed to have changed, as a matter of fact, almost as if it was charged with electricity. It was invisible, but still, a powerful force could be felt all around them, making the floor tiles to tremble right beneath their feet.

"S-S-Sensei!" Kasuga's eyes grew wide as plates, and really, if she hadn't been still grabbing his hands, she would have escaped away in that precise moment. "Is this supposed to happen now?"

He smiled widely. "Yes, it is! We are managing it! We are doing it!"

Then a faint figure, unclear and diffuse, started to show itself in midair over the desk. Misora squealed in shock as she found herself staring at the vague outline of a small face without eyes or nose, except because now it seemed to be gaining eyes and a nose at a rather fast pace. Around the face, a long white and flowing cascade of hair was materializing as well, and below, an old fashioned school uniform, complete with long skirt and sleeves, sewed itself over the ghostly shape. However, no legs ever appeared; from under the skirt, only a thick column of vapor peeked out, even when the summoning was seemingly complete and the ghost appeared in full form between them, opening her huge reddish eyes... which were full of overflowing tears.

Adding to Misora's panic, the spectre took her head back and wailed, in an ear piercing shrill tone.

"THAT WAS PAAAAAAAINFUUUUUUL!"

"KYAAAA!"

That had been the drop that spilled the glass; letting Negi's hands go, Misora backed all the way against a wall, aiming her cross at the ghost. "Ruh-ruh-retreat, evil spirit! Begone to the pit, devourer of lives! St-Stop haunting these holy grounds!"

"KYAAAAAA!" the ghost yelled in turn, backing away as well, and passing straight through Negi's head. "NO, YOU'RE MISTAKEN! I'M NOT EVIL! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, I BEG YOU!"

Negi looked at her, awed and unsure on what to say now. Funny, he had it all planned, and yet, he seemed to have forgotten it all now, with the chaos and all. "AHH— Aisaka Sayo-san?" he meekly asked. "Student Number One, am I right? I'm pleased to meet you; I'm Negi Springfield, your new teacher—"

The ghost trembled wildly, shrinking under his gaze. "What have I done to you? You have hurt me! And now you want to send me away! Please have mercy! I—I—" she started to cry, "I have nowhere to go!"

Misora still trembled as well, maneuvering into a distant corner. "D-Don't listen to her, Sensei! It has to be a bloodsucking Banshee trick!"

"We only want to help you, Aisaka-san" Negi calmly offered, giving a tentative first step towards Sayo. "I'm sorry if our summoning caused you any pain; it honestly wasn't our intent. Please listen to us. We want to be your friends..."

"F-Friends?" the ghost stammered, quaking like a terrified deer. "N-No, I heard you talking with Asakura-san the other day... You think I'm attacking those girls every night! You want to put me away to some horrible dark place! Please, leave me alone!"

And with that, she bolted for the door, flying through it and out into the halls with the greatest ease.

"AISAKA-SAN!" he called out. "Please, don't go! Listen to us!" Negi turned towards Misora, urging her. "We must go after her!"

"Wh-What?" Misora babbled. "We managed to exorcize her, didn't we? She already left the classroom! The mission was a success, I'll see you tomorrow!" She tried to sneak away in the opposite direction.

"Kasuga-san, she might go on a panicked rampage through the whole school!" Negi claimed.

"That's too unfortunate. But accidents do happen," Misora replied.

"Many people could be scared away, or worse!" he pressed on.

"Oh, she ain't THAT scary..." the young nun chuckled trying to control her own terror.

"She's alone and afraid herself!" Negi insisted.

"B-But my vows included caring after the living, not after anyone who already bought the farm!" the young girl tried to protest.

"And if Sister Shakti ever learns of this, she'll be angry!" he pointed out.

"Yes... she would," Misora gulped even more now. "O-O-Okay then, let's go after her."

Negi smiled as he ran outside. "Kasuga-san, I see Sister Shakti is more fearsome than any undead, isn't she?"

She grumbled, running after him. "I still haven't discarded her being one of them, you know."

**Act Two:**

"So, how do you expect to find her?" Misora asked while following him through the deserted halls. "I figure she must have a pretty good lead on us by now."

"Pay attention" Negi put a hand next to his right ear. "I can hear a sobbing coming from that direction. It's her voice."

Kasuga listened carefully and made a face. "She isn't much of a ghost, is she?"

"She is a young girl... who was alone for years, maybe more than sixty, surrounded by people she never could reach, and now we forced her to manifest herself in a way that must have hurt her. It's no wonder she's shocked and afraid."

"I thought you had previous experience with those summons."

"I did," he was puzzled. "It never caused the spirits any pain before. I wonder why Aisaka-san experimented such pain..."

"Maybe it was because of me," Misora grumbled, looking aside. "Maybe I'm not as good a spell partner as your Anya friend. I always mess everything up."

"Don't ever say that. The fact we pulled the summoning at all in our first try shows you do have the talent" he said. "You need to have more trust on yourself."

She looked at him again. "You're... too kind."

"Quiet, please," he whispered, stopping before a large steel door. The sobs seemed to come from the inside, loud and nonstop. "She's in there. What is this place?"

"The basketball indoors gym" Misora whispered back. "Yuuna uses to practice there, but never on Sundays, so it's okay."

"Roger," he briefly nodded. "You cover my back just in case, please."

Misora let out a choked sound. "M-Me?" Finally, she nodded holding herself down. "Right. I can do that. Yeah." She nervously clutched the cross between her hands.

Negi looked for the right key for a few moments, then used it and warily walked into the gym, with Misora shadowing his steps.

Then a basketball flew straight into each one of their faces.

"I-I-I told you to leave me alone!" the pale figure of Sayo whimpered crouched against a far distant corner, with several basketballs and even a few folding chairs floating all around her. "Please! I don't want to hurt anyone, I just... I just want to enjoy life peacefully..."

Misora rubbed her aching face, now too annoyed to be truly scared. "YOU AREN'T ALIVE TO BEGIN WITH!"

Sayo sulked down. "You shouldn't bring that up. It's a sensitive matter for me. You're so mean... I have seen you playing so many pranks on people, how do I know you don't just want to get rid of a witness?"

"Give me a break, it's all in the name of good clean fun!" the living girl snapped.

"Now, now, please," Negi attempted to mediate. "Aisaka-san, I promise we won't force you to do anything you don't want to. If you only let us to-".

Another basketball went flying passing mere inches next to his head. "D-Don't come any closer!" the ghost threatened with a quivering voice. "I really don't want to resort to violence!". She cringed as one of the chairs fell down and through herself, clanking against the floor. "Wahh! And I can't keep them floating for long! I'm a failure at life- I mean, at death-"

Negi still kept on walking towards her. "Don't cry, please. It's all okay. You don't have to be alone anymore. No one's going to send you anywhere if you don't want to go."

The spirit still shuddered, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "P-Please don't mock me. Why wouldn't you? Everyone is afraid of ghosts. Even I am, and I never have seen one..."

"You have never met anyone like you?" Misora asked, still standing at the door.

Aisaka shook her head. "I don't remember anything from the time when I was alive. My earliest memories are waking up at your classroom years ago... I don't even remember exactly when. All I know is I have watched class after class to pass before my eyes, no one ever noticing me until Asakura-san and now you. For some reason, she seems to be aware I'm there, even if she can't see me. But no, I haven't ever been able to talk to anyone else, human or ghost."

Misora's lips curved themselves down. "That's... gotta suck."

Sayo nodded sadly. "Not even Evangeline-san can see me. At least I don't think she can, despite being there for fifteen years..."

Both humans' eyes went wide. "Fifteen?" they said at the same time.

"Fifteen?" Sayo repeated, blinking, before carefully counting using her fingers, then nodding. "Yes. Fifteen. I can say she feels lonely, too, so I feel sorry for her."

"Being lonely is the least weird thing about that," Misora said. "Eva-chin may be a bad student, but fifteen years repeating the same grades is too much! What kind of person is she?"

Negi mulled over Itoshiki-sensei's warning silently, then mused with hesitation. "It's strange; I've never felt anything supernatural around her... But we'll look into that later. Aisaka-san, what matters now is, I'm glad to see you are a good person after all. I'm sorry for doubting you before getting to meet you."

He extended a hand to her. "I'll look after you as much as I'd do with any other student. If you ever have any problems, just ask me or Kasuga-san for help. And I promise we'll help you to remember your past, too."

Sayo turned her gaze away. "I'm... not sure I want to remember it."

He crouched down before her and passed a hand through her hair, or rather, the air where her hair could be seen. "Then we'll help you to make your future."

She looked at his eyes, and for a moment Misora could swear her translucid face could be seen flushed with a brief, yet intense blush.

"I... would like that," the ghost nodded weakly, finally smiling at both of them.

Thirty minutes later, Negi and Misora walked out of the school building. As the young teacher closed the back door with lock and key, the nun in training hummed thoughtfully to herself.

"That didn't take us too far, did it?" she asked.

"It allowed us to help a student. That's more than enough for me" he stated.

"Yeah, it's great and all, but still... not what we went to look for."

His expression hardened just a bit. "It may have set me on the right direction."

"Do you mean the bit about Eva-chin?" Misora uncomfortably said. "I dunno, Sayo seems rather unable to measure time properly. It just isn't possible for her to-"

"Or is that what you want to convince yourself about?" he asked. "That Evangeline-san can't be the Dark Evangel?"

Misora's face distorted itself into a terrified grimace. "Y-You said it yourself, we haven't sensed any power coming from her! Surely, if she were such a fearsome creature- The name must be a coincidence- I mean-"

He breathed in and out, and then he regained his smile, looking at her again. "Yes, you must be right. Sorry. A teacher shouldn't doubt his students, like today's incident proved. Thanks for all the help, Kasuga-san. It's good to see you are so reliable!"

"Reliable? Me?" she blinked several times. But then, slowly, she smiled back at him. "Ah, Negi-kun. You're so naive. But I think that's as weird as lovely in a man."

And then, much to his shock, she lowered her head and gave him a brief and soft kiss on his forehead.

Negi backed away as if a snake had just pierced him with its fangs. "GAH! Kasuga-san! That's unfitting from both a student and a nun!"

"Bwa-ha-ha!" she laughed. "You overthink things too much! Like I said before, an innocent kiss between friends is nothing! Nothing!"

Mischievously, she turned around and winked an eye at him. "It was fun to hang around with you! Let's do it again some time!"

And without waiting for his reply, she ran away back to her dorm, laughing her head off all the way.

"A-And don't call me 'Negi-kun'! The right term is 'Negi-sensei'!" he still shouted at her quickly out of sight form. He still was flustered and blushing like crazy.

Now that had been far scarier than any ghost he ever had met.

At least, he hoped that was fear he was feeling. He liked that explanation better than the other possible reason for his heart beating so fast now.

**Act Three:**

The Chao Bao Zi. From the outside, it really didn't look like much. But once inside, the mere scent of delicious food filling the whole cart restaurant was enough to nearly mesmerize young Mr. Springfield.

It wasn't just the smell floating all around, however. It was also the warm and homely feeling you could get from simply stepping into the old wagon turned stall.

"It feels almost like being back at home, despite it being so different," he marveled as he sat at a table with Chisame and Hakase.

"Hmm," Chisame hummed while looking through the menu. "Did you eat Chinese takeout often back at home?"

"Never," he denied. "I don't mean exactly that, it's just... this oddly familiar feeling. It's like you almost can touch the labor of love put here...".

"Chao is very passionate about everything she does," Satomi observed calmly. "She gives one hundred percent of herself to all of her activities".

"Nihao, Negi-bozu!" 2-A Student Number Twelve, Ku Fei, passed by before their table, rolling around on skates, wearing a red sleeveless Chinese dress and carrying a large food tray on each hand. "Nihao, Hakase-chan!"

Chisame scoffed at being apparently ignored. "Always the same thing."

"Call me 'Negi-sensei', please!" Negi protested at the heavily accented Chinese girl and then sighed in defeat. "First Kasuga-san, now her... at this rate, the other teachers will look down at me soon..."

"You knew the job was dangerous when you took it" Hasegawa dryly cracked, although the way her roommates looked at her outright told her neither of them got the reference. "Super Chicken" she said.

"Is that one of the recipes?" Negi asked.

"No! It is—" Chisame interrupted herself, shaking her head. "Forget it."

"Sometimes you are weird, Chisame," Satomi flatly confessed.

"That's something, coming from you!" the other girl snapped.

Negi just laughed, amused, until he noticed someone was glaring at him from another table. He discretely looked back to see a beautiful girl, two or three years older than his students, with long black hair and wearing a black motorcycle outfit, quietly, yet grimly eating a bowl of ramen while staring at him from afar.

"Girls?" he whispered.

"What?" Chisame asked.

The boy kept his voice very low. "Who's that girl over there?"

Both of them looked into the direction Negi's own eyes were taking as low-profile as possible.

"Beats me," Chisame said. "I think she's a Sempai from high school, but I don't know her name."

"Neither do I," Hakase added. "Haven't you taught her any classes yet?"

Negi flipped through his booklet, detailing the class rosters he had to cover both at his homeroom and as an English instructor elsewhere. Finally he settled at High School Class 1-A's pictures, where he found the one he was looking for. "Kuga Natsuki-san, no membership at any club, no other information given. But I don't remember ever seeing her there..."

"She skips classes often, from what I have heard," a soft, feathery voice came from his right side, making him to look at the suddenly there, as if arrived from nowhere, plump and gentle looking 2-A Student Number Thirty, Yotsuba Satsuki. "She eats here almost every day, but never talks to anyone."

"Ah, hello, Yotsuba-san!" Negi quickly bowed.

"Hello, Yotsuba," Chisame greeted cordially enough. The chef was one of the few classmates she could actually tolerate, but then again, everyone loved her.

"Ah, Sacchan!" Satomi perked up, with a tone she rarely had used in the time Negi had spent with her. "Bring Negi-sensei a special stamina soup and some nikkuman, will you? He will need all the energy he can gather for his second week at the job."

"It sounds good," he nodded. "Hakase-san knows your specialties far better than me, so I'll go with her choice. Although everything in this menu seems delicious."

"Thank you for the kind words," Yotsuba smiled softly.

"The same for me then," Chisame spoke.

"A few ribs with spicy sauce and salad for me," the scientist asked before looking all around. "By the way, where is Chachamaru? Shouldn't she be serving the tables with you today?"

"Evangeline-san arrived early and took her away," Satsuki explained while taking her order. "They said they had something urgent to work on."

"I see," Hakase nodded, slightly spaced out in her own unreadable thoughts by now.

Chisame, on the other hand, noticed Negi suddenly looking more concerned as of that moment. "Is there anything wrong?"

He shook his head. "No... Nothing!"

"How was Kasuga, by the way?" the cosplayer questioned. "Feeling any better now?"

Negi's cheeks gained the briefest reddish shine as he remembered that morning's kiss, but then he just laughed it off. "Yeah, she's fine by now! She told me she'd come back to classes tomorrow!"

"Great, another piece of insanity back at the old classroom," Hasegawa observed in a detached tone.

She had just noticed his blush, of course, even though Hakase obviously hadn't. But if he thought she'd ask him about it, he had another thing coming.

After all, why should it matter to her at all?

**Act Four:**

Late that night, Chisame half opened her eyes to look at the wall clock in the room's darkness. 11:00 P.M., it read, and yet the problem child was still at it. Sitting with his back turned to them next to his futon, he seemed to be working on something even now. Fixing smelly potion after smelly potion, flipping through tome after tome of ancient Welsh lore, and polishing his wand at random intervals as if hoping it'd help him with something.

Polishing an actual magical wand, that was. Otherwise, she'd have kicked him out of the room right then and there. At least she thought it was some kind of silly fairy tale magic wand; it certainly looked like something you'd see in a storybook's illustrations.

"Sensei," she hoarsely called out. "Go to bed already."

"Just a few minutes more, Hasegawa-san," his voice replied quietly.

"We have classes tomorrow. Stop doing that right now; I can't sleep with that horrible stench."

"It's diluted, concentrated garlic, isn't it?" Hakase's voice softly asked from the bottom bunk. Chisame blinked, surprised to hear she was awake, and even sounding slightly concerned. "Do you actually believe that will function to any degree against that supposed vampiric creature that obsesses you?"

Chisame sat up on the bed. "What? You still intend to chase that vampire thing? Stupid brat, do you want to get yourself killed? Even if it's only a human pervert on the loose, I don't think your kindergarten magic will do any good if that psycho's packing a gun!"

"Protecting my students is my duty," he replied, still not looking back at them.

"You're a teacher, not a cop! And look at us while we're talking to you!" Chisame yelled.

At the next darkened room, Ayase Yue, wearing a thick and long blue sleeping robe, lying on her bed reading a book under the faint light of a small lamp, closed the tome and tilted her head towards the wall separating them from their neighbors. The words came muffled and incoherent, but the emotion behind them was unmistakable.

"They're at it again," she whispered.

Nodoka hummed a weak "Ah-hah," from the top bunk, confirming her own waking state.

"Chisame had never been so noisy before" Yue said. "I guess it must be taxing, to live with a child."

"I... I don't think so. Not in Negi-sensei's case, anyway," Nodoka shyly answered. "He seems very different from any other boy I've ever met."

"Really?" Yue arched an extremely thin eyebrow. "I suppose you're right."

Nodoka smiled to herself, not really noticing the warm redness washing over her own face. "He may be overwhelmed and confusing, but it feels really good to have him there. He isn't like most of the other teachers; he actually cares."

Her friend sighed. "A shame he'll grow out of it."

"Oh, Yue-Yue," Nodoka's voice whimpered just a little bit. "Don't say that..."

"It's true," the shorter girl dryly stated. "Sad as it may be, sooner or later, the weight of real life's burdens will turn him from idealistic dreamer into just another chalkboard pusher."

"I— I don't think so" Nodoka differed, her voice gaining a rare stubbornness that made Yue to take notice. "I can feel he's different in that way, too. I want to hope the best from him."

"Nodoka, that's very cute and all, but... reality will always crush that kind of hopeless dreams. It's the way life works," the girl with the large forehead started, just to be cut short when her roommate peeked her head down to look at her, smiling.

And she was simply so cute when she smiled...

"I don't think so," Nodoka impishly said.

"Oh, no? And why's that?"

Nodoka made a tiny giggle. "You are living proof of it."

"Me?" Yue hoped the darkness was enough to hide her blush. "Why me?"

"You and Paru were the only ones who never lost your hopes on me... back when I was all alone and locked into myself, and no one ever wanted to talk to me," Nodoka fondly remembered. "But you reached for me, against all odds. I'll never forget that, Yue-Yue."

Ayase found herself slowly smiling back at her. "Neither will I. Never".

"Maybe Negi-sensei will do the same for them?" Nodoka hopefully looked at the wall, as if hoping to see through it.

"Maybe" Yue conceded. "But first— Hey, what is that noise at the window?" she asked.

Nodoka looked towards the darkened window of their room, leading to a small balcony, now. Something seemed to be knocking and scratching at it. "P-Perhaps it's only one of Sakurako's cats," she nervously stammered, remembering the vampire scare stories while going down the bunk's stairs.

However, Yue was faster and got back to her feet, setting her book aside. "I'll look at it," she said, without any actual fear, taking the lead.

Chisame was already pushing Negi into his futon when both of them and Hakase heard it all. Glass being shattered, and two brief but blood curling screams.

Even the normally absent Satomi perked up in alert. "Miyazaki!"

"And Ayase," Hasegawa completed, going just slightly pale.

"Too soon!" Negi bolted out of the futon, only stopping long enough to grab his wand, some bottles and his bandaged staff, then to storm out of the room and into the outside hall, running to the librarians' door to bang loudly on it. "MIYAZAKI-SAN! AYASE-SAN! ARE YOU OKAY?"

Chisame ran out right after him, rushing to cover him up with a coat. "For the Kami's sake, Sensei! You're still barefoot and in pajamas. Maybe they just broke a vase..."

Negi put his right ear on the door's frame, listening carefully. "It's... too silent now. I don't like it. No, I hear something now. Almost like... suction sounds!"

"Sensei, Chisame! Step aside!" Hakase's voice came from behind them, commanding. "This looks like a job... FOR SCIENCE!"

She had a strange small device in a hand, one she jammed into the door's lock. And just like that, the door fell off its hinges and into the floor, like a dead weight.

Chisame gave her a bewildered glare. "Why'd you invent something like THAT?"

Hakase laughed apologetically. "You'll see, I often forget my laboratory's keys, and—"

"How much do you spend on doors at that lab every month?" Chisame asked her.

"Ask yourselves that later," Negi whispered while walking inside, tense but resolute. "Go call Takamichi and stay over at Izumi-san's room down the hall. Douse yourselves with the garlic formulas and—"

"What the hell do you think you're doing, venturing all alone into two girls' room like that, and with possible danger ahead to boot?" Chisame followed him in, closely shadowed by Satomi, and tried to grab him by an arm. "You'll get yourself killed, either by them, or by IT!"

Then all three of them could do nothing but stare and gasp in terror at the scene waiting for them at the bedroom, which door had been just blown open from the inside.

Miyazaki Nodoka had fainted at the feet of the bed, sprawled all over the carpet.

And Ayase Yue laid unconscious, with her violet eyes fully open and staring into the vacuum, into the arms of a small blond figure floating over the balcony, out into the open night. The attacker had her mouth firmly sunk into Yue's neck, sucking loudly, with delight and gluttony, until she lifted her head slowly, licking her sharp teeth and her bloodied mouth.

"Evangeline!" Chisame gasped, caught by a sudden horror she never had felt before.

Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell smiled evilly at the trio.

"Boya," she purred, throatily. "This little snack has done nothing but leaving me even thirstier... I suppose you could help me with that?"

**NEXT: Negi vs. Evangeline, Round One!**


	9. Lesson Six Point Five

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. *Sob*

The other two main works of fiction referred to in this entry belong to Kumeta Koji and DC Comics.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. Yep, yep, yep.

A special thanks to Finalage, and to my fellow posters at the Comic Book Resources Boards and the TV Tropes Forums, for their input and suggestions on this story. Your feedback is always greatly valued.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER SIX POINT FIVE.**

**Author's Notes:**

I know, I know! I promised the big fight with Eva would start in the next chapter, and I'm finishing it as we speak, but in the meanwhile, here are three quickies or 'Omakes' in the style of the second Negima anime series. I thought I should include them here before we get too far into the storyline, since two of them are directly related to our beginnings.

The first one is a playful gag on the usual old Negima prologue I didn't get to use in the proper story. The second one is a look into the expanded-shared universe of this fanfic world. I feel tempted to explore how other anime and manga works could look like in the Negima setting in future Omakes. And the third one… is a pure out-and-out joke playing on a well known American comic and movie.

I hope you enjoy this snack while waiting for the main course.

**Deleted Scene 1- The Prologue No Negima Retelling Can Ever Escape. Including This One.**

**Several Weeks Ago:**

Merdiana Academy of Magic, at Wales.

The huge, castle-like fortress, a majestic relic from long forgotten eras, stood from the countryline like an old king armored and towering over his domains. And that night, as the symphony of multiple organs resounded through its bowels echoing through its halls and rooms powerfully, it almost was as if the king was solemnly singing an anthem to honor the few, the proud, graduating inside of him.

Or it. Whatever. Damn Purple Prose. I gotta stop with it already.

The supreme Magus, tall and imposing, wearing the traditional robes of his rank, imposed the medals to the honor roll students of the year, one after another, until only one, the top ranking one, remained before him.

"Negi Springfield!" the old man's booming voice thundered, commanding.

"Yes!" With an anxious smile, the boy in the black robes rushed up to receive his condecoration. As the applauses of his classmates surrounded him, his heart beat on quickly.

_Father, I'll finally find you._

Soon after, he strode at a quick pace down the hall leading to his room, looking at his diploma. He had it unfolded, but for some reason, it still was empty when his older cousin and his best friend caught up to him.

"Negi!" the redheaded girl around his own age chirped happily. "Negi, what's your assignation? I got to be a fortune teller at London!"

He stopped. "Oh, Anya! Nekane! I don't know yet. The words haven't appeared at this point."

"Let me see, please, Negi," the tall blond young woman asked kindly, extending an open hand towards him. The boy nodded, handing her the diploma.

Calmly, without ever losing her gentle, loving and cheerful attitude, Nekane Springfield put the diploma on the floor, stomped a foot on it, HARD, several times, and then slammed it against a wall as if to punish it cruelly. Finally, after a few minutes of that and a blank horrified stare from Negi and Anya, the letters started to appear across the document's surface.

"It just needed the proper incentive, that's all" Nekane laughed sweetly while handing the diploma back to Negi. Gulping, he nodded and began to read just as the two females did the same thing, peeking over his shoulders.

_To: Negi Springfield. Age Ten. Or Nine and a Half. Whatever. Son of the Hero. Named After An Onion._

_Dear Young Soon-To-Be Protagonist- You know… That whole shtick about being beaten up by a pretty woman isn't as fun to experience as it is to write and draw. So, I realize I must sound quite hypocrital saying this, but… What's the big idea, handing me over to that (EXPLETIVE DELETED AFTER BEING DEEMED TOO STRONG EVEN FOR THE M-RATING) woman so she can whip me out like she's Narusegawa Naru or something? Just for that, I'm sending you to teach English at the Mahora Academy of Japan. And be thankful I'm in a good mood today or I'd send you to the Hinata Bathhouse at the other side of that city... and then you'd really be in hot water, believe me._

_Your friend now and always,_

_The Aka-Ma-Tsu._

_P.D.: This story will be rated M, so bringing 'protection' could be a good idea for some point of the future._

Moments later, the room to the Magus' chambers flew open and a distraught Anya and Nekane stormed in.

"MAGUS!" Nekane rushed in towards the old man. "What's the meaning of this?" She shoved Negi's diploma into the old man's face.

"Well, that's a diploma. Written proof of your cousin's graduation at this Academy, and-"

"I KNOW THAT! I MEAN WHAT'S WRITTEN ON IT!"

The old mage finally read it. "Oh my, oh dear. Seems you have angered the vengeful spirit of The Aka-Ma-Tsu. A very fearsome Spirit, indeed. And very powerful as well. Why, he has been even rumored to be deeply involved into the _very same creation of our universe_! But I guess it could have been worse. Let me tell you about the time I faced the Curse of Tezuka-"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Anya shrieked. "What's this madness about sending Negi to such a place? He's a poor wimp who cries a lot, doesn't know how to handle women, is a disaster at facing the unknown, and has poor personal hygiene to boot! He never should leave the company of people who loves him and treats him well like us!"

"Um, Anya, if I may say-" Negi began to shyly pipe in from behind her.

"YOU SHUT UP, NEGI!"

"... Yes, Ma'am."

"Lord Magus, Japan is a highly dangerous place, and now more than ever," Nekane pleaded more sedately. "I can't tolerate the idea of poor Negi being assigned to such an awful post! With all those giant monsters, tentacle beasts, and worst of it all, otakus, rampaging all around him! Surely there is something we may do to change the spirit's decision!"

The man rubbed his long white beard. "Well, to be honest, there is something that can be done."

"Anything!" Nekane said.

"Yeah, we aren't afraid of doing anything for the stupid squirt!" Anya agreed.

"One of you, the ones closest to him, must take his place at his destination," the master intoned wisely. "Only through your own sacrifice you may release Negi from his fate."

Anya and Nekane blinked, then looked at each other with hugely open eyes.

A cricket chirped at a corner.

Finally, both of them turned towards the boy.

"I wish you the best of lucks at your trip, Negi!" Anya patted him on a shoulder. "I'll trust you just like I've always done!"

"I know you'll become a man amongst men there... one way or another!" Nekane sniffed.

Negi smiled and nodded. "Don't worry about me! I'm sure I'll become a lot stronger defending all my students against any harm that might befall them!"

Again, Nekane and Anya fell into a stunned silence.

"... Defending them?" Anya meeped.

"Well, sure! That's what 'Bringing Protection' does mean, right?" the little boy asked innocently. "Bringing safety and comfort to all the pupils under my watch!"

Nekane laughed awkwardly, sweating. "Oh dear. I should have had that talk about the birds and bees with you a lot sooner..."

"Never mind!" Anya whipped out a fearsome looking artifact of steel with several medieval looking chains and locks attached to it. "This will keep you safe while you're there, Negi! Dad gave it to me to use at the prom, but I think you'll need it more than-"

*ZOK!*

Anya twitched facefirst on the floor as Nekane stood over her, smiling placidly, a large steel mace in hand. "I know I'll regret saying this later, but you won't be putting a chastity belt on Negi, Anya! You know he'll lose the key sooner or later, and then they'll have to cut!"

"S-S-Sorry..." Anya's voice squeaked weakly from the small but slowly growing pool of blood around her head.

A few days later, with a bandaged head and waving a hand in the air, she was saying her farewell to the bullet train to the airport.

"Goodbye, Cousin...! Goodbye, Anya...!" Negi said while looking out of a window. "Take care of yourselves...!"

"Bye bye, Negi...! I'll see you again in 180 chapters...!" Anya said loudly, continuing waving her hand until the train disappeared into the distance. Then her eyes finally started to water up, her mouth making tiny sobbing sounds.

Nekane softly rubbed her on a shoulder. "You can cry all you want now" she whispered confidentially. "It's okay. I won't tell him."

Anya buried her face into her older friend's stomach and let the waterworks to flow.

**Deleted Scene 2- Itoshiki-Sensei's Glorious 2-F Debut.**

**One Week Ago:**

It was a gray and cold morning.

The young girl looked through the train's window with languid, deeply sad eyes. She sat alone, holding her large backpack on her lap, her feet crossed, avoiding everyone's gaze.

She made no sound; she remained as still as she could, as well. Immobile like a small, thin and frail sculpture of glass, as if afraid of any movement shattering her or those around her. Even her breathing came out at brief, nervous and restrained intervals.

She was, indeed, a pathetic thing to look at. Not lacking her fair share of youthful beauty, but too tainted by her own awkwardness. Like a marionette that had just been cut off its strings, the young female was, simply put, as gray and unremarkable as the day going on outside.

She still was like that when the other girl got into the wagon at the next station. The other girl, unlike her, looked completely normal. Perky and cute, yet plain and eminently forgettable. With her short black hair and her long, far too thin legs, she was no bombshell, but she was not ugly at all either. Even her voice was simple and run-of-the-mill, although chirpy and bright, warm and kind, as she greeted, "Ai-chan?"

The sitting girl nearly jumped on her seat, her eyes going wide and almost glassy as she turned them with a start towards the smiling average teen. "H-Hitou-san! I'm sorry! I hadn't noticed you were here!"

"Come on, I have told you, Nami-chan is just fine!" the other girl told her. "Or even Nami-san, if you feel you must. But—"

"I'm sorry, Nami-san! I'm sorry!" the sitting girl bowed her head to her quickly. "I had forgotten that! Sorry for offending you, acting as if you were distant and forgetting the proper honorific! I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me again!"

Hitou Nami breathed deeply, forcing herself to keep her smile. "You haven't changed at all during the holidays, have you, Ai-chan...?"

"I'm sorry to persist on my old, ugly habits," the one named Ai turned her head aside bashfully. Then she stood up. "Please, accept my seat as a proof of my regret. Sorry, it wasn't even my seat. I was keeping it for you, but I'm sorry if I have overheated it with my body. Wait, that's something improper to say in public. Sorry about that, too."

"Ai-chan, you can keep the seat if you want," Nami said. "You took it first, why should I have it? It's only two stations from here to Mahora anyway."

"Oh, no, I insist! I mean, sorry about insisting, if you don't want to, but—!" the shy girl fidgeted around, her nerves even more of a wreck, "I already have misused that seat for too long, and you need it more than me! And—And—!"

Nami sighed, noticing the odd stares the wagon's other occupants were giving them. Anything to stop that. "Okay, I got it. I'll use the seat, thank you."

She sat down, with the other girl remaining standing, looking at her own feet.

"I heard they are going to reshuffle the teachers around this year" the normal teen commented, to take her friend's mind away from her own neurosis for a moment or two.

"They are? Oh my," Ai briefly shuddered. "I hope it wasn't because of that incident with Jinroku-sensei and me last year..."

"I highly doubt that's the case," Nami commented, giving her a dry glare. Her patience was starting to run thin.

"You never know..." Ai whimpered sadly, before adding, "I mean, sorry! I wasn't accusing you of being ignorant! It was just a figure of speech!"

"I KNOW, AI-CHAN!"

"... Sorry."

It always was that way with Ai. Even as the train arrived to the Mahora station, Ai had to apologize to the people running past her, pushing her around when she couldn't keep their pace. Then apologizing to Nami for being a bother when the taller girl grabbed her by a hand to guide her through the crowd.

Somehow, they managed to make it to the main building before the starting bells rang. After leaving most of their baggage at their lockers, for them to pick it up back later at the end of the day, both girls headed towards the classroom that had been assigned to 2-F for that period, Ai dragging behind, trying her best to remain under Nami's shadow.

"It'll be good to see everyone again," Nami saw fit to break the silence again, attempting to keep an optimist face.

"Mmm-hmmm," Ai nodded erratically, keeping her gaze low.

Nami sighed inwardly.

She hated her school life.

Still, she told herself as she stopped before 2-F's door, she had to do it. There was no point on delaying the unavoidable. The first step was always the hardest one. And yet, all she had to do was to push the door open...

She pushed the door open.

The first thing Ai and Nami saw at the first day of their promising new school term was a pale man in a hakama hanging from the ceiling's fan, like a piñata, surrounded by a fascinated Kafuka-chan, an exasperated Chiri-chan, an eerily quiet Abiru-chan, and the rest of the morbidly silent, yet staring, classroom.

It was then when Nami became convinced she'd hate her school life even more now.

**Negima Recasting Theatre, Part 1- WHO WATCHES THE MAGIMEN?**

Rorschach finished sipping her box of juice thoughtfully, ignoring the pain on her swollen lips. She remained silent as she listened to Ozymandias' explanation, next to the astonished and also beaten down Nite Owl and Silk Spectre.

Rorschach, in contrast, only listened with an expressionless face, at least in the small fragment of facial features she was showing with the lower half of her black and white mask pulled up. The diminutive woman finally ran out of juice and yanked the mask fully down, tossing the discarded carton aside.

"So... it is true. You killed the Comedia— Tatsumiya-san..." Nite Owl whispered, disbelief still evident in his voice.

"She understood" Ozymandias lowered her gaze ruefully. "From the start, she knew my plan would succeed-yo. At first, she was fully willing to support me, but then... after learning the full scale of it... It terrified her" she lamented. "That's why she didn't tell anyone. It was far too big to discuss... But she understood it. At the end, she understood."

The black haired young woman looked at the trio before her. "The brutal world that had given her a mission, a goal in life, would simply cease to be, as my reveal would pull the denizens of both planets into a single unity. I had to do it, ne? After her, I neutralized Evangeline-san. Stolen psychiatric reports indicated her mental withdrawal. The allegations of others' vampirization made it physical. But then, Rorschach's 'magi-killer' hunt needed stopping. My own assassination attempt, confirming her erroneous theory, placed me beyond suspicion-yo."

"Hrm," Rorschach hummed lowly. "So you did hire her yourself?"

"Through a third party, of course" Ozymandias nodded. "I don't think Tsukuyomi-san realized that even when I facilitated her the cyanide capsule. By then, my project was posed to triumph. Nothing stood between my objective and me. The fates of the Old World and the Magic World rested safely in my hands".

"Chao, this is crazy!" Chisame gasped aloud. "Who'd ever believe an invasion from beyond both worlds?"

"People from both worlds alike can swallow lies only when they are big enough-ne" the fair skinned genius stated. "I planned to build my monster to the latest detail, and then to teleport it straight into a fixed destination..."

Rorschach spoke again. "They said the gate spells wouldn't work out of the—"

"I found a way to make them work fine as long as there is a major source of magic nearby, like the World Tree" Chao interrupted her. "Teleported into Mahora City, my creature would provide the whole planet undeniable evidence of the existence of the supernatural. The threat of monsters from beyond would force both worlds to work together, as a single one, bringing a new age of peace and collaboration unspoiled by the mages' lies and deception-yo."

"You're insane!" Silk Spectre shouted angrily. "You're the biggest liar of all!"

"Chao-san, I'm sorry," Nite Owl gave a step forward, ahead of Yue and Chisame. "You need help. I know this 'Drop giant monster on Mahora' scheme is impossible, but I'm still glad we got here before you could hurt others or yourself. Dear God, you actually intended to pull off all this mad scientist stuff? I mean, when was this… this hopeless black fantasy supposed to happen? When were you planning to do that?"

"Do it?" Keeping her arms crossed behind her back, Ozymandias gave the three of them an odd look. "Negi-bozu, I'm not a manga villain. Did you seriously think I'd explain my decisive stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty five minutes ago-yo."

Negi, Chisame and Yue stood there, all three of them paralyzed.

Around all of them, the screens of Chao's complex turned themselves on all at once, showing the titanic, hideous white furred beast towering all over Mahora. Raising its paws up, the humongous animal took its head back, and then howled with a deafening voice that echoed both through the whole Japanese landscape and through the whole room.

"PANTIEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!"


	10. Lesson 7: Full Moon Duel

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. And you can count on that.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

A special thanks to Finalage, and to my fellow posters at the Comic Book Resources Boards and the TV Tropes Forums, as well to all my reviewers, for their input and suggestions on this story. Your feedback is always greatly valued.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER SEVEN.**

**Act One:**

"Evangeline-san?" Hakase tensed up, giving a step back. "Wh-What are you—?"

The small floating figure in black sneered at her with some dark amusement. "Please, Hakase Satomi. Is there any need to act so surprised? You KNEW there was something supernatural behind me. Hardly my fault if you chose to turn a blind eye to it."

"W-Well, it wasn't my research venue!" Satomi rushed the words out, inwardly calculating her own speed rate at reaching the door and comparing it against her rough estimate of a vampiric creature's attack speed. She didn't like the results. "Then again, if you would be willing to cooperate by lending your body to me—"

"What?" Evangeline lifted an eyebrow.

"For strictly experimentation purposes, of course—" Hakase attempted to make her point clear.

"That STILL came out wrong," Chisame scowled.

The blonde took her head back to laugh coldly. "I have always liked that about you, Hakase Satomi! Too stupid to realize the dangers around you, a true example of what they call 'human courage'! Because you amuse me, you can leave now. My goals don't include you."

Satomi seemed truly tempted to run away then, but something kept her rooted to the floor. "What have you done to Chachamaru?" she asked.

"Oh-hoh?" the petite vampiress huffed. "Ah, I see. Gifted with maternal instincts too, after all. Relax. You, better than anyone, know I have too many uses for her. As long as that stands, I won't ever hurt her."

"Um, can I go too?" Chisame sheepishly asked, trying to drag Negi away with herself, only to learn, much to her frustration, he was standing his ground with shocking stubborness.

Her bizarrely... vampiric classmate shot her a piercing angry glare. "Not with him!"

"Go," Negi told his roommates, gesturing with his head toward the door behind them. "Just take Miyazaki-san to a safe place, right now!"

"But—" Chisame doubted.

"Listen to him, morons," Evangeline growled, icily. "Flee for your worthless lives while you still have them."

"I won't leave until I have certified Chachamaru is in optimal conditions myself!" Satomi protested, not moving an inch now. Somehow, the shorter girl's threats had just spurred her on.

"Geez, Hakase!" Chisame clenched her teeth. "Robots don't have any blood to suck!"

"Mc Dowell-san..." Negi finally spoke again, sweating but trying to keep a brave face as he raised his staff up, "Let Ayase-san to go, safely. Now!"

Evangeline's expression turned completely blank and jaded. "As you wish" she droned, then to make a wicked small grin. "Catch."

Without any prior warning, she tossed Yue's limp body forward, forcing him to drop the staff on reflex to catch her in his arms. Before he could even lower Yue, Evangeline flew in with a wide, perverse smile, grabbing him by the throat and roughly pushing him against a wall.

"Sensei!" Chisame screamed.

"Oh my, oh dear, oh no," Satomi muttered under her breath, blinking at random rapid intervals. "Definitely not convenient at all."

"Son of the Thousand Master," Evangeline hissed deeply, narrowing her eyes as her mouth hovered over his incipient Adam's apple. "You have no idea of how long have I waited for this. Fifteen years of humiliation and shame will end up tonight... washed away with your blood!"

"Wh-Why...?" Negi choked out, attempting vainly to break free from her amazingly strong grip. "W-What have I—"

"You were born from him. That's more than enough for me," she snarled, lowering her mouth dangerously close to his skin. "And you don't need to know anything els—"

"LET HIM GO!" Chisame's yell took her by surprise, and the next thing she knew was a large and thick hardcover was being smashed from behind against her face. The force of the hit was not that big at all, but the mere shock made her to back away, releasing the boy.

She passed a hand over her nose, feeling it leaky. To her absolute indignation, she found it bleeding. Bleeding! Quickly, she licked the blood off her fingers before giving the hacker a venomous stare.

"Hasegawa Chisame..." she roared, chomping the air madly with her sharp teeth, "After I'm done with him, you impudent worm are next!"

"M-Me?" Chisame yelped, stepping back as she still held the deluxe _Bram Stoker's Dracula_ she had just taken from Yue's desk in a mad bid for something big and heavy.

"Girls, step away!" Negi whipped his magic wand off, aiming it at Evangeline. "Flans Exarmatio!"

With a wave of a hand, the blonde projected a small shield of mystical energy around herself, instantly blocking the spell before it could reach her. The magical air blast was tossed all across the room, and Negi barely could jump in time to push Hakase with himself out of the way of one of the disarming bursts' way.

However, Chisame's shriek half a second later told him she hadn't been so fortunate.

"Hasegawa-san...?" he hesitated, looking into her direction only to quickly avert his gaze, blushing deep red.

"YOU INFERNAL BRAT!" Chisame was just as red, her clothes blown off, covering her chest and crotch with her hands as best as she could. "DON'T LOOK THIS WAY!"

"Ha, ha, ha hah!" Evangeline laughed madly, rushing ahead again towards Negi and Hakase. "What a failure of a mage! I'll bet your blood tastes like warm lemonade!"

"You'd better take a drink from this!" Negi yelled, pulling a few tiny bottles out and flipping them open in a single swift motion of his fingers, throwing their content all over Evangeline.

"What? AAAARRRGHHH!" Evangeline screeched to a halt, screaming as he attempted to rub the liquids off herself. "Why, damn you! You're just as bad as your idiotic father! I'll kill you for this! I will—"

Then she paused, listening to the steps outside. Their noise had alerted someone. Maybe another teacher.

Growling, the vampiress jumped back through the window, flying out into the deep night. "Come and get me if you can, Boyo!" she loudly challenged. "I always preferred fighting at outdoors anyway!"

"Sensei!" Chisame shouted while wrapping a bedsheet around herself. "Don't even think of—"

But Negi had just taken his staff, mounted it, and flown out in hot pursuit of their attacker. "Just watch over the two of them!" he yelled. "I'll be back soon!"

Chisame rushed to the balcony, still calling for him, despite him being nothing but a speck in the nocturnal sky by now. "Wait, you imbecile! She's going to—"

Then she had to bite her tongue. Izumi Ako and her tall friend Ookuchi Akira had just appeared at the room's door, shocked and pale.

They were looking at the fainted Nodoka, the confused Hakase now with Yue in her arms, and the half naked Chisame with stupor and bewilderment.

"What... what has just happened here?" Akira asked. "We heard screams, and then we saw the door on the floor, and now... now..."

Chisame slumped her head down. "Hakase, you are the genius. YOU explain it for me, okay?"

**Act Two:**

Negi's hands tightened themselves around his staff, as the boy focused his power into radiating even more speed into the wooden implement. The world seemed to zoom around him, to nearly dizzying levels; he was not used to fly so fast, or so low either.

Evangeline seemed to be unafraid of being seen, as she kept on flying rather low, leading him into a chase through the campus, towards the Northern woods. Fortunately, the vampire scares had made sure the Mahora grounds were lonely at those hours.

"Mc Dowell-san!" Negi shouted at the top of his lungs. "Stop immediately! You could hurt yourself!"

"Ha, ha ha ha ha ha!" the young looking blonde laughed in a tone that fully contradicted her appearance. "Concerned about me, 'Sensei'? You shouldn't be! It's you who won't see the next day's light!"

"Don't say that!" he yelled. "Why are you attacking your classmates? Even if you suffer from blood thirst, any of the mage staff here should be able to help you!"

"Hah!" she increased her speed, looking back over a shoulder at him, smirking maliciously. "What, are you suggesting to let those weasels to feed me with fake blood while looking for a cure for me? I don't want any cures! I am the Queen of the Night! I don't even need the blood to survive! I only drank from those children to make time until the main course!"

Negi frowned while attempting to catch up to her, dodging the tree trunks as they zig zagged through a park. It was clear she was attempting to make him to crash. But he wouldn't desist! He wouldn't lose her!

He kept on analyzing the situation while chasing her. Evangeline seemed to combine the best advantages of a wizard (spellcasting, knowledge of the mechanics of the arcane) with those of the vampire (superior physical strength, flight without the need for a staff or broom). Apparently, he had the disadvantage in the versatility department, and yet, he couldn't help but noticing she had not used offense spellworking yet.

"Boyo!" she called out when they passed near the church. "I suggest you something! If you can catch me, I might tell you something about your father!"

His eyes went wider. "H-how could you know something about him?"

"Tsk! Tsk! No details until you have done it!" she chided, gaining some altitude. "What do you say? Are you up to the challenge?"

The boy's cute face made a resolute, yet almost laughable on his rounded features, expression. "Do you promise it?"

"Maybe, maybe not...!" she sing-sang.

Negi's brow curved itself angrily. "Rastel Maskir Magister!" he lifted a hand. "Evocatio Valcyriarum! Contubernalia Gladiara!"

Eight ghostly shapes made of grayish swirling vapor materialized themselves around him. The humanoid figures all seemed to form a long sharp blade made of hardened air in a hand.

"Bravo!" Evangeline congratulated him. "Finally, some proof you are his son after all! Not bad, but you'll have to do much better to approach him at all!"

"I only need to approach you for now!" he aimed a hand at her. "Age capiant!" he commanded, and all eight wind spirits zoomed down against her at a breakneck speed.

Evangeline smiled confidently, tossing a few small bottles out of the folds of her long black cape, hitting the spirits with amazing accuracy and blowing them up in midair.

But Negi smiled as well despite that. She had used potions instead of attack spells. That meant her magic level had to be low, which explained why he and Misora had not 'felt' it before. And using a shield at midair took a lot more power than one at ground level...

"Flans Exarmatio!" he shouted, aiming his right handpalm into her direction. If he took her potions away, she would lose a major part of her effectiveness.

Again, the massive burst of wind flew toward her, this time hitting her with full force despite her attempt to project another blocking shield. It blew the cape and the potion bottles right off her body, along with her black dress, leaving her floating in only a thin white undershirt and panties.

For a moment, despite his uneasiness at seeing another one of his students in a state of undress, he smiled, finding the victory to be much closer...

Right before a blur in a black and white maid outfit swooped down from high above, taking him fully unaware, punching him in the jaw and sending him falling down at a vertiginous speed.

**Act Three:**

Kasuga Misora just couldn't sleep.

It was funny.

Cocone had gone to bed more than two hours ago. From her seat next to the window, Misora could see her sleeping quietly on her bed, face down, never moving or rolling around at all.

But she, on the other hand, couldn't do the same thing, which was unusual since she was the laziest of the duo by far. She simply felt unrestful and fidgety, bothered by something she couldn't quite put her finger onto. It wasn't the usual fear she had felt since being attacked. It was something else, similar to some degree, but that felt more like some sort of sense of urgency.

She, feeling urgency over doing anything? The girl was really starting to think she could be sick.

So she had taken a seat next to the window, hoping the cool night breeze could soothe her down while she played her Game Boy, biting her lower lip while shooting spaceship after spaceship down. She had placed wards all around the window, as well, so the vampire's return, at last, after so many nights of bad dreams, was the last thing in her mind at that exact moment.

Then Misora heard the icy laughter, and she looked up at the sky.

And her eyes, once more, transformed into pitch black spheres.

It was like a feverish dream suddenly coming to life. Up there, flying over the trees, bathed by the faint light of the full moon, a figure with long golden hair laughed and laughed while flying wrapped into a gigantic black cape, fleeing a small boy riding a flying staff. Horrified, the girl backed away from the window violently, yet was unable to take her eyes away from the scene.

The boy, who she was sure had to be Negi-sensei, had just summoned eight attack spirits and sicced them on his target. Misora stared, fascinated, at that display of power, feeling her fear mixing up with some strange new admiration. He actually was an impressive wizard! Now she wanted that Pactio even more; if he could beat the Dark Evangel all by himself...

But then, as if on cue, her fondest hopes were shattered as swiftly as the pursuer summonings the escaping blonde had somehow just neutralized. Sensei was not beaten yet, however, no; he had just done some crazy shit that had blown the vampire's clothes off! Wow, there were stripping spells too? Well, it was easy to guess why Sister Shakti had never spoken about them at the church.

Misora still was unsure of how the hell could you beat a vampire by stripping her, but before such a relevant and timeless question could be answered, something that looked like a blur of black and white with green hair zoomed down from above hitting Sensei squarely on the kisser (or so it seemed), and sending him barreling down towards the ground, much to Misora's ever growing terror.

She only could see him falling through a tree's top, before she couldn't see anything else. Both because the angle and the distance didn't allow for it, and because she just couldn't keep on watching. Scared out of her wits, the young female pulled the curtains close and slipped under her bed's covers, trembling like a terrified deer.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying her best to sleep and forget, but she felt herself antsier than ever. Reopening her eyes, she warily looked over at Cocone's prone and still blissfully sleeping form.

"Nothing I can do anyway," Kasuga reassured herself under her breath.

Maybe he would be okay in any case. Yeah. If he was a strong sorcerer like his father, he could pull it off. Yes, that was it. Worrying about it was silly.

Misora remained still and silent, trying to listen. She couldn't hear anything else.

Shouldn't a mage beating a vampire up cause a few magical explosions?

On the other hand, a vampire sucking a mage's blood should be silent and discreet, like Yue sipping a carton of juice at the back of the class.

"No, that's ridiculous to think," she told herself.

Eh, even if she sucked him off, it wasn't like it'd kill him, right? She had survived something similar herself with no lasting effects.

Then again, if the vampire was after revenge over that Thousand Master affair...

 _You should have told him,_ she scolded herself. _It's your fault!._

_No, wait, it's not my fault at all! I didn't tell him to go out and play Buffy!_

_But... I didn't try to convince him to stop it, either..._ she remembered, sulking down.

The girl looked at her right hand, reminiscing how good it had felt when he grabbed it.

_What is this annoying thing I'm feeling? Guilt...?._

Gulping, she tiptoed to the window and took a brief peek through the curtains. The campus looked fully lonely and empty, but she knew they should be somewhere between the trees.

Misora sighed, sitting down at the floor. She shook her head, grabbing her scalp with both hands. She never had been so scared in her whole life. But exactly scared of what?

The Vampire Witch, the Damsel of Blood, was a huge part and parcel of that fear, no doubt, but what was that other panic she was feeling as well?

Misora whimpered as loud as she could without waking her child friend up. She couldn't put Negi-kun's smile out of her head, and then there was his courage, his kindness to the ghost girl, his determination. He was everything she couldn't be; brave and reliable, trustworthy and sincere. And now he would be killed, no doubt, his small dry dead body to be found early tomorrow, drained and cold. He would die alone and away from his house and family while she cowered under her covers.

"I can't do anything.." she whispered to herself.

Her eyes slowly traveled over to her closet. Trembling and breathing heavily, she stood back up and opened it, facing the hanging habits and the reserve crucifixes inside, the stashed spell books and the bottles of holy water.

Misora made a suffering face.

"I must be completely insane..." she whined. "A suicidal idiot, that's what I am..."

**Act Four:**

Negi yowled in pain as he fell through a sakura tree's foliage, finally managing to break his fall with one of the thicker lower branches. Still stunned by the impact, he noticed he had dropped his staff, looking down quickly to see it at the tree's roots.

He extended a hand towards it, and shouted "Mea Virga!" Instantly, the staff flew up to his outstretched hand, which gripped it tightly. Then he climbed to the upper branches, sticking his head out of the treetop and looking up at the sky, hoping to find his opponents again. But they were nowhere in sight.

Instead, Evangeline's amused voice came from below now.

"Are you looking for us, Sensei?"

Negi turned his gaze down to see Evangeline standing at the middle of a nearby small road, her arms crossed. Behind her, a French maid outfit, Karakuri Chachamaru stood expressionless and silent.

"That has been enough!" Negi shouted while jumping down to face them. "If you keep this up, I... I'll have to report you to the Dean!"

"Oh dear. I'm terrified" the small blonde chuckled, devilishly.

"Karakuri-san!" Negi called out at the robot. "Why are you helping her to do these awful things? Hakase-san won't be happy at all!"

"I'm sorry, Negi-sensei" the gynoid droned, lowering her head. "I only follow my master's orders."

"She is **my** Ministra Magi, Boya" Evangeline darkly cooed. "Hakase's opinion has no weight on this."

"WHAT?" Negi recoiled. "B-But she possibly can't be your partner! I mean, she is a— a—"

"Oh, we haven't Pactioed through the conventional means, if that's what you mean" Evangeline dismissed his question with a handwave. "Still, she is linked to me as my servant. And working together, a pup with no partner like you will never be able to defeat us."

"That remains to be seen!" Negi lifted a hand up. _"Undecimem Spiritus Aeriales..."_

Before he could finish the spell, Chachamaru blinked out of sight, then reappeared right before him in a fraction of a second and casually grabbed him by the cheeks, stretching them painfully.

"UWAAAA!" Negi bawled as soon as she released him. "That was mean! _Undec—"_

Always with the same neutral face, Chachamaru pinched his nose and twisted it around. "KYAAAAAA!" he yelled.

"Heh, heh heh! Surprised, Sensei?" Evangeline taunted him. "You shouldn't be! A genius like you should be aware a Ministra lives to protect her Magistra while she can't defend herself. We are basically helpless while casting a spell, so the Partners must act as a physical shield, or a counterattack weapon. That's why a youngling without any Pactio to his belt, like you, will never be a challenge for us. Chachamaru!" she commanded. "I grow tired of this! Hold him so I can suck him dry!"

"Yes, Master," with uncanny speed, the robotic girl caught the boy unaware, grabbing him into an unescapable chokehold against her hard as steel body. "Please forgive me, Sensei," she softly said. "Nothing personal at all."

"Oh, it is for me," Evangeline smirked as she walked to them, swaying her hips seductively. "I only wish your stupid father could be here to see this! Oh, that's true; I promised you to tell you about him, didn't I? Then listen well, because I never break a promise. For the last few weeks, since I learned you were coming here, I have been attacking those mindless students to gather strenght for this moment. Many of the attacks went unreported; in some cases, the victims themselves thought they had just had a bad dream. And do you know why did I need to regain my strenght?"

"Wh—Why?" Negi kicked and struggled in vain trying to break Chachamaru's grip.

"Because your beloved father sentenced me to years and years of suffering at these cursed grounds!" Evangeline yelled, her mask of playfulness falling off to reveal raw anger and bitterness. "That miserable oaf toyed around with me, and then sealed my powers away! I have spent fifteen hellish years trapped at this pigpen, surrounded by nothing but imbeciles! Me, who once was the most feared scourge of four continents! If I could, I'd eradicate your whole bloodline from this world!"

Negi went pale, and not only because the robot's hold was interrupting his normal blood flow. "But... I'm sure he'd have his reasons..."

"LIKE HELL I CARE ABOUT THAT!" she growled. "LET ME SPELL IT FOR YOU, NIMROD! I'M AN EVIL MAGE! EVIL! IF ANYONE DOESN'T WANT ME PREYING ON ANYONE I WANT, TOO BAD FOR THEM!"

Negi trembled under her glare. "D-Don't say that... I'm sure we can find a way to—"

"I already have chosen a way of my liking, thanks" Evangeline licked her lips, smiling again. "To break the Thousand Master's curse binding me here, I'd normally need to drink his blood, but as his son, yours will suffice, as well. And I'll make sure to enjoy every last drop of it..."

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Negi screamed as Chachamaru lowered him enough for him to be at Evangeline's reach. The vampire opened her mouth fully, her long fangs glinting under the moonlight.

"I'm sorry. Not too much, but..." she said as she closed in to his neck, "I'll try to make this quick, if it's any consolation to you."

"IT ISN'T! he whimpered, nearly hysterical. "HELP-! HASEGAWA-SAN! HAKASE-SAN!"

Then, as if acting on cue, a female voice interrupted the scene, calling out from the other side of the path.

"STOP YOURSELVES RIGHT THERE, VILLAINS!"

The vampire grumbled, turning her around around to look at the source of the sound. "Now what...?"

A young female in a nun's habit stood at a prudent distance, posing heroically, her long skirt flapping around in the breeze. A mask covering the lower half of her face below the veil, only allowing for her eyes to be seen.

"I— I have come to punish all evildoers wh-who prey on innocent children!" the stranger announced, as if reading lines from a cue card, stiffly and fighting her own fear down. "I-I'm the protector Angel of Mahora! Y-You can call me, um... The Mysterious Sister!"

Negi's eyes widened with reborn hope. "Ahhhh!" he was amazed. Who could be that brave and beautiful heroine who had just showed up to save him?

"Ah. Kasuga Misora," Evangeline deadpaned.

The Mysterious Sister jumped up in alarm. "K-K-Kasuga who? You must be muh-mistaken, b-buh-bloodsucking fiend! I have no name but the one I just announced, and I don't know that pretty and cute young nun you just have mentioned! At all!"

Evangeline tilted her head aside. "Maybe I took too much blood from you? I didn't want to cause you any brain damage."

Negi gave the Sister a shocked stare. "Is that really you, Kasuga-san...?"

"I'M NOT ME! I MEAN, I'M NOT KASUGA MISORA!" the newcomer yelled, and changed her voice abruptly to a thicker, gruff feigned tone. "Does Kasuga Misora sound like this? Huh? Huh?"

"Voice scanning complete" Chachamaru said. "It matches 2-A's student number nine, Kasuga Misora's, in a 100%"

"What are you doing here?" the vampire witch asked, annoyed. "Did you come to feed me more? I don't want my appetite spoiled for tonight's dish. I already had enough of your weak watery blood."

"Please don't hurt her, Master," Chachamaru asked. "Just ask her to go back home and forget this."

"Hmph. I suppose you are right," the short blonde conceded. "Very well, since I'm in a good mood over my victory, I will grant your wish, Chachamaru. You, girl! Heed your master's voice! Since I bit you, you are my slave! And so, I command you to head back to your hole and forget this ever happened!"

It took every bit of willpower the Mysterious Sister had to reject the offer, but shakily, she still shook her head, then briefly bared her neck. The bite marks were fully gone by then.

"Sister Shakti purified them!" she said. "I— I'm never going to be under your thrall!"

"Oh, ho!" Evangeline seemed entertained by the notion. "So that poor woman has more power than I thought. Curiouser and curiouser. Still, what do you hope to do against me? I have overpowered you like a baby before, and that's when I was alone. Are you that much of a masochist? Hmmmm?"

The Mysterious Sister gasped aloud, but managed to retain enough will to stand her ground and train a cross on Evangeline's direction. "S-S-Step back, vile spawn of the night! I-In the name of the Lord, I b-banish you away!"

The blonde gave the crucifix a stare, then laughed again. "Oh, please! Even if I were a demon, your weak faith wouldn't be enough to harm me!"

The masked girl trembled, starting to charge the cross with her own magic power. "That... That isn't the only trump card I had..."

Evangeline smiled, flexing her force shield around herself. "Just try it. I'd like to see your pitiful magic breaking through my defenses."

The nun threw the cross in a perfect arc over Evangeline's head. "Who said I was going to hit you? Sensei! Lower your head!"

He did it just in time, closing his eyes just as the cross clashed against Chachamaru's forehead, exploding and filling the whole area with blinding light.

"GAH!" Evangeline blocked her eyes with both forearms. "That's too intense! Kasuga, I'm going to—!"

"Optical sensors momentarily disabled," Chachamaru monotoned. "Rebooting visual systems, recovery complete in three minutes. Please wait..."

With the speed of a track and field star, the Mysterious Sister ran to Negi's side, grabbing him by a hand and pulling him away with herself, managing to free him from the distracted gynoid's arms. "Run, Sensei! Run with me as fast as you can!" she urged.

"Y-Y-Yes!" he nodded, recalling his staff, then jumping onto it, pulling her up with him. "Wait, we'll go faster in this!"

"Okay!" she swallowed hard, hugging him as they zoomed away back toward Chisame's dorm.

Evangeline finally regained enough eyesight to furiously look into their direction. "They are escaping, Chachamaru! Quick! After them!"

"Optical recovery complete in two minutes. Please wait—"

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO FLY BLIND! JUST HELP ME TO CATCH THEM!"

**Act Five:**

Chisame was simply hoping it wouldn't become a recurring event.

Once more, now that she was fully clothed again, she was hugging the piloting Hakase's thin waist as the mad genius piloted the speedster mini vehicle through the Mahora grounds, searching for their pint sized teacher. Honestly, that boy was more problems than he was worth.

"Do you think Izumi and Ookuchi really bought your story?" she finally mused, with a grunt that managed to sound unconcerned.

"They allowed us to go out without calling on anyone else, didn't they?" Satomi asked while keeping her eyes on her radar... more than on the path ahead, much to her roommate's discomfort.

"That's what they promised, anyway" Chisame snorted. "For all we know, they are calling on the Dean right now".

"They are true to their word" Hakase commented, rather distantly.

"Okay" Chisame kept on looking around. "But how do you plan to find him, anyway? All we saw is the general direction they flew into, but what if they took a detour to the West or South? Even assuming they kept the same direction, that still leaves too much ground to cover..."

"I'm not tracking them," the scientist replied. "I'm tracking Chachamaru."

"What?" Chisame gasped. "For the Kami's sake, Hakase! Worry about your Frankenstein doll later! An actual human life might be at stake here!"

"Chisame," Satomi spoke very seriously. "Wherever Chachamaru is now, Sensei and Evangeline-san will be there as well."

"And how do you figure that?"

"I'm not fully sure, but all signs point to it. Evangeline-san fled, meaning she couldn't keep on fighting there by herself. And so far, all her victims were harmless students; she never went after anyone powerful like Ku Fei-san or Chao, or any of the magic-versed teachers. So she could need Chachamaru's help to subdue Negi-sensei," Satomi analyzed the matter with evident cold blood.

"Wait," Chisame blinked. "How many teachers do know about magic?"

Hakase shrugged. "I haven't been able to run a complete research on the subject, but Chao has told me several of them do."

"Figures," the hacker made a disgusted face.

"I have received a positive signal," Satomi perked up visibly. "Chachamaru is at a distance of seven hundred meters, near the North limits of the school grounds."

"Uh-oh," Chisame cringed.

"And getting close at a very steady and fast pace," Satomi completed the analysis.

"TURN THIS THING AROUND AND GO BACK HOME THEN!" Chisame pleaded.

"Not without my intellectual and material property!" the shorter girl stubbornly shouted. "Oh, and Sensei too, I guess. Oh, and speaking of him—"

"What?"

"I think that might be him, currently heading in a flying fashion towards us" Hakase adjusted her goggles, looking ahead while reducing the vehicle's speed. "I only hope he slows down before we enter a straight collision course."

"INSTEAD OF HOPING FOR IT, JUST GET OUT OF THE WAY YOURSELF!" Hasegawa despaired.

Then she also saw Negi, flying their way into his staff, carrying... a masked nun?... with himself. "Sensei...?"

"Hasegawa-san! Hakase-san!" the boy called out while screeching to a halt in midair, the nun shrieking as she held to him for her dear life. "Wh-What are you two doing here?"

"Well, excuse us! We were just trying to save your life!" Chisame barked. "I know, that makes us almost as dumb and suicidal as you, but never mind that! Say," she fixed her glare on the nun, "is that you, Kasuga?"

"I have no idea of who is that Kasuga Misora you mention!" the girl in the habit averted her gaze. "I am only known as The Mysterious Sister!"

"Yes. It's indeed her," Satomi concluded.

Chisame jumped off the vehicle, grabbing Negi's neck forcefully and checking it up carefully. "Okay, where are the bite marks? We'll have to get you vaccinated or something, right?"

"Please, Hasegawa-san! There's no time for this!" he begged.

Chisame jerked back. "One second, you're right. Weren't you CHASING her off? And now, aren't you being chased instead?"

"That's right..." he lamented.

"They are here," Satomi evenly stated, looking at her radar again.

Hasegawa, Kasuga and Springfield freaked out. "WHERE?"

"Right... HERE!" Evangeline howled madly, as she and Chachamaru descended in their midst, the robot's foot jets making her to land down safely. "You miserable rats! Insolent vermin! You have laughed more than enough at me! Now you'll experience nothing but the most abject FEAR—!"

"Master, please, don't hurt Hakase-san too much. I still depend on her for repairs," Chachamaru softly requested.

"TH-THANK YOU FOR WORRYING THAT MUCH ABOUT THE REST OF US!" Chisame quickly backed away, torn between indignation and panic.

Negi stepped between the three human girls and his two pursuers. "Mc Dowell-san!" he called. "Please let them go! Your revenge doesn't involve them! You only want me, don't you? Drink all of my blood if you must, but don't hurt any of them!"

"It's too late for that, Boyo" Evangeline growled, then pointed a hand at Chisame and another one at the Mysterious Sister. "She bashed my gorgeous face with a book! And she injured my evocative and dreamy eyes! No way I'm allowing those offenses to go unpunished!"

"Evangeline-san," Hakase calmly said while stepping down the speedster. "I'm taking Chachamaru away from you. I never agreed to lend her to you for the purposes of stalking and hunting human beings. Why, she could get critically damaged doing that!"

"YOU SHOULD WORRY LESS ABOUT HER, AND MORE ABOUT THE HUMAN BEINGS!" the Mysterious Sister yelled grievously.

"Hm?" Evangeline humphed. "Since when do you have any sort of moral qualms about the use of your creations, Hakase Satomi? I thought you had sold your soul to science. If Chachamaru is broken, you just find a way to repair her. If human scum is harmed instead, wasn't that just a collateral sacrifice for your cause?" she mocked bitterly.

Satomi looked straight at her eyes. "Science is ultimately all about the betterment of mankind. Not about its subjugation under the heel of magic".

"You should know better than to say that before a mage" the vampiress snarled. "I liked you better when you made no questions. Chachamaru! After I'm done with the boy, I'll feast on her! She'll be more useful as a slave with no will! So grab her for me!"

The robot paused for a moment, almost hesitating, before quietly saying, "Yes, Master."

Negi was about to shield the scientist with his own body, just as Chisame and the Sister, in their panic, turned to each other to share a terrified hug. But then, Hakase, without faltering, simply opened her mouth and spoke again.

"Override Program, Activate!" she said. "Hakase Takeover Protocols, Start!"

Chachamaru froze on the spot, much to Evangeline's puzzlement.

"What are you waiting for?" the undead mage sputtered. "Grab her now!"

"New Main Directive, Protect Subjects Springfield, Hakase, Hasegawa and Kasuga!" Satomi commanded. "Neutralize target: Evangeline Mc Dowell!"

"What?" the blonde blinked. Right before a metal fist punched her in the nose.

Negi, Chisame and the Sister gasped in shock, as Chachamaru turned around to assume a fighting stance.

"I'm sorry, Master" the green haired girl apologized. "I can't help it. Please depart before I'm forced to apply more force upon you".

"The hell?" Evangeline jerked up violently, wiping her bloody nose off with the back of a hand. "Et tu, Brutus? I'll never forgive this vile—"

Chachamaru just kicked her up in the jaw.

Falling back on her butt, Evangeline's eyes watered up. "You dastardly traitor! How could you—! I'll kill you all for this!"

"Sorry, Master," Chachamaru grabbed her by the hair, pulling her up and making her to yowl. "You shouldn't have said that. The more of a threat you become, the more defense force I'll need to use".

"You'll need much more than that, you—!" Evangeline tried to raise a shield, but before she could do it, Chachamaru used her speed edge to slam her facefirst against a tree.

"I regret this, Master. Honestly, I do," the gynoid said while stoically slamming her a few more times. "Please believe me, I'm attempting to use the minimal force needed to control you down."

"You... You coulda fooled me..." Evangeline groggily gurgled.

"Yeah, that's it!" the Mysterious Sister pumped a fist up. "No mercy! No holds barred! Show her a thing or two!".

"Are you sure you are a real nun?" Chisame told her, then turning to Hakase. "Hey, you! Why don't you tell her to stop? I think it's already been enough!"

"She's right, Hakase-san!" Negi said, sounding rather outraged over the turn of events. "I disapprove of any fighting between my students! Just stop this now!"

Satomi gave him a blank glare. "But, Sensei... She tried to—"

"NOW!" he ordered.

Hakase sighed. "As you wish. Chachamaru! Stop the proceeding! Restart only in case the target takes further offensive actions!" she clapped her hands only once.

"Yes, Hakase-san," Chachamaru almost sounded grateful as she allowed Evangeline to fall down to her knees, sobbing violently.

Even Chisame couldn't help but feeling some pity for her then. Like an angry and spoiled, yet broken and infinitely sad child, the petite blonde rubbed her tearful eyes. But as soon as Negi attempted to reach for her, she slapped his hand away.

"I hate you all, with all my soul!" she hissed. "Rest assured, the next time I see you, none of you will escape alive!"

"Please, Mc Dowell-san..." he begged. "There's no need to be enemies...! I'm sure we can find a solution for your curse if we—!".

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" the vampiress roared. "No more lies! You're just like him! I hate you more than anyone else!"

She flew up rubbing her swollen face, shooting a hateful glare to all of them.

"I'll claim my servant back, and all of you along with her!" she threatened. "You have just angered the most dangerous enemy of all! Fear! From now on, do nothing but fearing the day of my bleakest revenge—!"

"Master, beware!" Chachamaru warned as Evangeline floated backward. "Watch out for that—"

*BOMF!*

"—tree," the gynoid finished as her master fell back down to the ground, with a large bump on her head.

"Gyah!" Negi rushed to her side. "Are you okay, Mc Do—"

"I SAID AWAY!" Evangeline slapped him away, then flew off as quick as she could. "I'll see you dead for this!"

"Master..." Chachamaru whispered.

"You're much better off without her," Hakase huffed. "Come with me. From now on, you will be under my direct care and supervision. That will optimize our interaction and my data collecting, while preventing you from being dismantled by overzealous authorities."

"But, Hakase-san..." the robot started.

"No buts, Chachamaru!" the scientist was categorical. "Are you going to oppose your creator's stipulations?"

Chachamaru lowered her head. "No, Hakase-san."

Negi was about to protest, but Chisame stopped him, placing a hand on his right shoulder. "No, Sensei. Maybe it's best this way."

He sighed before turning his eyes to the other girl there. "Thank you, Mysterious Sister. And you too, Hakase-san, Hasegawa-san. You put yourselves in a great risk for me."

"Ah, ha ha ha!" the Sister laughed shakily. "It's what we champions of justice do, young Sensei! No need to thank me, although you can keep doing it if you really want so!"

"Yeah, thank you..." Chisame reached up for her mask and yanked it from her face, "... Kasuga!"

"AHHHH!" Misora quickly hid her face between her hands. "NO! You have just found my secret identity!"

"WE KNEW IT FROM THE START, YOU DUMMY!" the virtual idol yelled.

"I'm ruined...!" Misora sobbed. "Now all of you know I'm a mage, too!"

Hasgawa blinked. "What? You are a mage as well?"

"CRAP!" Misora bit her tongue. "Forget I just said that!"

"I'd do it if I could, believe me!" Chisame claimed angrily.

"Negi-kun, let's erase their memories!" Kasuga asked.

"No, Kasuga-san, just no!" he said. "And don't call me 'Negi-kun'!"

As the three of them bickered, and Hakase checked on her like a doting mother... or simply an overeager obsessed worker, Chachamaru remained quiet and silent, looking into the distance.

"Master..." she whispered again.

**Act Six:**

It was well past midnight by now.

They had left Misora at her dorm, then headed back to their rooms. After confirming the librarians were okay with Ako, and barely dodging Akira's questions about where had they been and why Chachamaru was with them, the four of them had finally settled back at Chisame and Hakase's bedroom.

Negi had fallen asleep as soon as his head had touched his futon's pillow, exhausted and drained. Chisame, on the other hand, was relentlessly insomniac, her nerves made a mess. Even now she rolled around on her upper bunk, casting the occasional wary glare in Chachamaru's direction.

The green haired robot sat, still and completely silent, next to Negi's futon, with a completely neutral expression on her face.

"Hakase," Miss Hasegawa said in a whisper.

"Mmmmmm?" a low mumble came sleepily from the bunk below.

"Are you sure it's safe to sleep in the same room as her?" Chisame kept her voice very low. "After everything she did?"

"Relax," Satomi yawned. "The override program makes impossible for her to attack any of us." She paused before adding, "As long as I don't say otherwise."

"Sometimes you scare me," Chisame muttered.

Somehow, it just didn't feel right. It had saved them, yeah, and even so, it felt wrong, having forced the robot to come with them. Having her watching over them with those creepy vacant green eyes was not helping, either.

"She's actually a well behaved artificial intelligence," Hakase made small dozing sounds, wrapping her bedsheets tighter around herself. "Evangeline-san was only giving her an incorrect use."

Chisame nodded to herself. She continued looking at the immobile robot. It seemed wrong to think of her as an actual girl, and actual classmate, but even so, listening to Satomi talking about her as some simple piece of machinery seemed even worse now. She kept on looking at that cold, unfazed face, trying to read her almost inexistent expressions.

"When will she go to sleep?" she asked. "And where?"

"She doesn't sleep, remember?" Hakase grumbled, sounding annoyed and just wanting to doze off.

Hasegawa grimaced. So the robot would just keep on watching all night long. Lovely.

Then she noticed Chachamaru calmly looking back at her, and she flustered, rolling away to face the wall.

For a moment, unseen in the room's darkness, Chachamaru made the smallest vague hint of a smile.

Then, the boy rolled around as well, to wrap his arms clumsily around her legs. "Sis..." he muttered, looking nervous and disturbed with his dreams. "Protect me, Sis..."

But then, just as his hands briefly touched Chachamaru's metallic legs, the child shrank away, shuddering. "C-Cold..." he gurgled. "So... cold..."

During a second, if anyone had looked at the robot, they could have sworn she nearly looked somewhat hurt by the statement.

But then, quietly, she put a few blankets over her lap, and carefully maneuvered Negi's head over them. He made a tiny contented sound as he hugged her midsection, comforted by the warmth of the blankets.

Silently, Chachamaru ran a hand, very softly, through his hair.

It was almost like petting a kitty

 **NEXT:** This ermine… This Underwear Thief!


	11. Lesson 8: Of Robots and Ermines

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Mai Hime_ is the intellectual property of Sunrise, and the other main guest star of this chapter belongs to Marvel Entertainment.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Again, a lot of thanks to all my reviewers and contributors here and at the message boards I frequent.

This chapter was one I was almost afraid to post, since it leans heavily on the crossover/expanded universe angle. But I finally decided to go with my gut instinct and posting it as originally intended. I hope you find it to your liking in any case.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER EIGHT.**

**Act One:**

**Interlude.**

At Mahora, it was dawning.

At a world of distance, across oceans and continents, night was falling, and a distinguished, aloof looking black haired man with gray temples sat in a lotus position at the middle of a large darkened library. While levitating a few feet over the floor, keeping his gaze fixed on a large swirling pool of arcane energies gathered below him.

The pale early moonlight entered through the large windows decorated with intrincated spider webbing-like patterns. And the old brownstone mansion at 177A Bleecker Street, Greenwich Village, remained silent and peaceful, as much as the relaxed, focused mindset of its owner.

"Master" a male voice tinted with a thick Tibetan accent calmly called from the library's door, grave and dignified, with a serene aplomb to it. "Your dinner already has been prepared. Will you prefer to eat it cold in one hour, or icy in two?"

"The winds of destiny are changing their course yet again, Wong" the other man grimly stated, without looking back at him. "Like twin roulettes sent to spin out of control, two worlds are about to start another approach, another attempt to unite their ultimate fates. Even we are nothing but pieces thrown around in that maelstrom."

"I beg your pardon, Master?" the bald, robed servant asked.

"It starts the same way it always does, at a school, with a simple dream and a naive dreamer" the mage mused, evocatively. "And yet, the darkness of the background already has started to seep into his life. Soon, he shall have to choose a path. So far, all those paths have led to the same general outcome. An outcome even I have not been able to modify yet."

Wong crossed his hands behind his own back. "I assume there is some point on telling me that beyond confusing me, Master? Or are you simply stalling for time until you feel actually hungry?"

"There is no need for sarcasm, Wong" he said. "You cannot remember any of it, of course. No one can. No one but me and her." The swirling pool briefly took on the shape of a fair skinned female face with bright, determined dark eyes. "But yes, you and me have had this conversation before."

"There is no conversation with you I have not felt I have not had before, Master," Wong quickly replied.

The seemingly younger man almost smiled, amused, and yet a tired shadow loomed on his features. "Ah, my old friend. If only I could share your blissful ignorance of the full scope."

The manservant took a quick glare to the girl's image. "I suppose... she does not know you do know."

"She should. She knows my rank, even if she has not ever met me. She also should suspect something... or someone... has stabilized the whole flux of time long enough for her to continue her attempts."

"Attempts you wouldn't directly help her with, Master?" the Eastern man doubted, hazarding a guess.

"It is not my place to take a direct side with her or against her. To some degree, this is her task, her duty, as much as _his_. Only when her path and his reach complete harmony we shall be able to break the cycle."

"Oh. Naturally."

"Wong, I am the ultimate catalyst. To that end, I must be neutral in everything but the most dire threats to the world of magic. I am the final resource, but I cannot take them by a hand and guide them all across the way. No, despite what you may be thinking, I am not going to interfere. The world of humans and the world of magic must learn to coexist by themselves, or all I stand for will be in vain."

"Master, the only thing I am thinking is you should eat right now."

"Oh, Wong. I shall miss you after I choose my successor."

The sorcerer closed his eyes meditatively.

It all started at a school, with a boy and a girl.

**Act Two:**

Chisame nearly jumped out of her bed, not to mention her skin, when the horrified yelp coming from the other side of the room woke her up.

"Wha—? Wha—?" with a haunted look in her sleep deprived eyes, she babbled looking into Negi's direction. "Who? When? How many dead?"

"I-I-I-I think Karakuri-san has just died!" the boy shrieked, frantically pointing with a hand to the limp robotic body lifelessly sitting at his side. "This is horrible! I woke up to find her like this! She... She was so young, too..." he sobbed.

Chisame ran a hand over her own face. "Oh. That. HA-KA-SE!" she screamed. "Your wind-up doll needs screwing!"

Negi looked at her. "... What?".

Chisame hesitated, blushing a bit all of a sudden. "Wh-What have you just 'understood' from my words?"

"Nothing," he sheepishly confessed.

"I'm relieved," she replied. Then she climbed down to shake the heavy sleeping black haired girl like a doll of her own. "HAKASEEEE! THE NOBEL PRIZE COMMITEE HAS JUST CALLED!"

The shorter girl's eyes were open instantly then. "Itsahonortoaccepthisprizefor—" she mumbled before realizing how gray the reality around her was. "Oh, Chisame!" she whined. "That's a mean trick and you know it!"

The hacker pushed Satomi's face around to make her look at Chachamaru. "Your Terminator has just scared Sensei out of his wits! Wind her up before I grow tired and just use her as a mannequin for Chiu's costumes!"

"Ah. Eh. Okay" Hakase clumsily waddled out of bed. "Step aside, if you please, Sensei. Thats' it, what a nice gentleman." She knelt down next to Chachamaru. "Please open the first drawer of my desk and bring me the large key in there."

With a nod, Negi walked to the appointed desk and pulled a big key that wouldn't have looked out of place in a giant toy prop. "Is this what you wish for, Hakase-san?" he asked.

"Yes. Hand it to me."

Obediently, Negi did as he was indicated. Satomi then inserted the key into a big slot on the back of the robot's head and motioned for him to get closer.

"Now listen, Sensei" she instructed. "Once a day, Chachamaru needs an infusion of magical energy to continue performing her vital cycles. That infusion is done by a magically charged subject winding her up by using this key. Evangeline-san used to do it, but now you will have to suffice."

"Me?" he helplessly asked.

"Is there any other magic user in the room?" Satomi asked as she grabbed both his hands and placed them on the key. "It isn't difficult at all. Just twist it around until she asks for you to stop."

"Oh... Very well. I will do my best at this 'screwing' thing to make the three of you proud and happy!" he gasped, gathering his determination up.

"... There's no way you had no clue of what you just said!" Chisame's face had just gained a thick crimson hue.

Slowly, very slowly at first, Negi began to wind Chachamaru up, remembering those times when he used to play with toys, before entering Merdiana Academy. For the first few moments of it, nothing happened, but then, a soft single gasp barely escaped the robot's lips.

"Oh."

The boy smiled with relief. "Ahh, how nice... She's all right after all..."

"You have injected new life into her," Hakase commented.

"Do we need to do it every morning, then?" Negi questioned.

"At the morning, at midnight, even at school... at any time you two feel like it, actually," Satomi said.

"Isn't it something improper to do at school?" Negi doubted.

"A short screwing at the classroom won't hurt anyone," Hakase stated.

Chisame returned to her bed and hid her face into her pillow. "My God, I feel dirty just by listening at you!"

"Ah. Ah, ah," Chachamaru lifted her head a bit.

"Is it... right for her to do this?" the teacher seemed more taken aback now.

"It just means you are revving her up," the scientist remained calmed. "It's okay, she likes it. As long as you don't go too rough on her, she'll be fine. You are doing remarkably well for your first time."

He blushed at the acknowledgement. "Well, thank you... To be honest, I always worry about my performances..."

"Ah. Ah, uh oh. Ah," the robot fully opened her eyes. Her whole body had tensed up.

"Is... Is this fine, too?" he gulped.

"Yes, I'd say you two will be reaching the climax of the proccess in a few minutes more. Hmmm, it has taken her longer than usual this time. Maybe last night was too much for her," Satomi estimated.

"No, no, no," Chachamaru began to softly gasp, her voice cracking a bit. Chisame simply groaned.

"Do... Do I need to let her go now?" Negi asked.

"Not yet. Her mouth says 'No', but her body says 'Yes'," Hakase guided him. "I mean, it's a natural reaction. Her programming has not advanced enough to understand her actual breaking point. But her body still needs some more of it. Okay, here it comes. Here it comes..."

Chisame heard nothing but an odd pause then, and she lifted her face up from the pillow to look at the scene again. A pleased looking Satomi and Negi sat behind Chachamaru, who had recovered her usual emotionless appearance.

"Was it good?" Negi hopefully and gently asked, patting the robot on a shoulder.

"Yes," Chachamaru took the key off and handed it back to him. "You are... kind and considerate at it. You are not very skilled, but you will improve with practice."

"Oh, he will get a lot of practice, you can be sure of that," Hakase proudly gave him a few pats on the back. "I'll personally train him at it!"

Chisame just kept on looking down at the three of them, with jaded and cynical eyes.

"Hasegawa-san?" Negi innocently stared up at her bunk. "Is there something troubling you?"

"I need a cold shower," she reluctantly admitted.

**Act Three:**

"Good morning, Negi-kun!" Sakaki Makie chirped happily as she passed by running next to the quartet on their way to school.

"Good morning, Negi-sensei, girls!" Konoe Konoka said while rollerblading her way along with an indifferent Asuna. "Ah, you are early today!"

"Actually, I think it's us who are late," Asuna mumbled as she kept her fast pace on, and quickly she and her roommate left the others behind.

"Negi-sensei, one of your shoes is cleaner than the other. You should clean them both equally!" the long haired Kitsu Chiri from Class 2-F sternly pointed out, as she also passed by followed by a blissfully skipping and humming Fuura Kafuka.

Chisame groaned to herself. Things looked almost like the same old lunacy now, as if nothing had happened at all last night. And yet, they were stuck with Chachamaru following her and Hakase, with Negi dragging behind almost reluctantly.

"Sensei!" Chisame called back, annoyed. "Hurry up back there! We'll be the last ones to arrive... again! What kind of example will you set for your students?"

"Ubububu..." he softly babbled. "I don't know how will we face Mc Dowell-san from now on..."

"What is there to fear for?" Hakase told him, low enough to be unheard by the other students. "Without Chachamaru, she is no threat at all for us."

Then she felt someone suddenly catching up to her and hissing into her ear in a sinister tone, "Don't ever underestimate the Mistress of Darkness..."

"KYAH!" Satomi cringed aside, shocked despite herself.

Chisame grumbled at the newcomer. Kasuga Misora had just reached them almost from nowhere; the only effort she seemed to be making was an effort to NOT leave them behind. "Kasuga, please! We aren't in the mood for any of your stupid pranks."

"Whoever said I'm joking now?" Misora looked at her eyes. "I'm dead serious," she struggled to keep her voice low. "Last night was just a setback for her, I'm sure. Someone as fearsome and hideously evil as her won't quit that easily!"

"That's what I'm thinking, too," Negi said, deeply concerned. "Oh, sorry. Where are my manners? Good morning, Kasuga-san."

"Good morning to you too, Negi-kun," the sprinter nun smiled back to him, softening her expression. "I don't have a working shift at the church today, so what if we spend the afternoon together?" she invited.

"Oh?" he blinked.

"Ehh?" Chisame blinked as well.

Misora laughed. "Well, I thought it'd be nice to... talk about what to do next now we have a common link between us!"

"Between you two?" the hacker implied rather pointedly.

"Well, between us all, actually," Kasuga agreed against her will. "I guess you girls can come too."

"Like a... circle of friends?" Chisame made a face.

"I have a few things to do after classes," Chachamaru quietly spoke. "But I would be honored to meet with you after that."

"You won't be going back to the Tea Ceremony Club," Satomi forbad strictly. "Not as long as Evangeline-san is there too."

"Hakase-san, please, isn't it bad, to decide those things for her?" their teacher stressed.

"It's not about the Club," the robot stated passively. "It is... something else."

Even Chisame and Misora looked curious about it now, but before they could ask, they had reached the school building.

"Fine," Hasegawa mumbled. "After classes, we'll go to Karakuri's activities, then we'll listen to what you have to say, Kasuga. Are you okay with that, Sensei? Hakase?"

"Yes, it sounds fine," Negi nodded.

Satomi adjusted her glasses, giving her creation an intrigued glare. "I suppose... I can skip my club activities just for this day."

Even Misora nodded wordlessly.

**Act Four:**

"Mana-Oneesama! Wait for me!"

Yet Tatsumiya Mana's quick pace did not slow down at all as she marched through the North borders of the school grounds, holding a huge backpack easily hung around her left shoulder. So the much shorter, redheaded girl with her hair collected into four long pigtails tied with green bows had to almost run to catch up to her; it always amazed her how the tall and tanned beauty could walk so fast with so little effort, and no apparent hurry.

"Mana-Oneesama, you're so mean to me!" the petite female panted. "You know my legs are so much shorter than yours!"

"I thought the point of your training was having you trying to reach my level, not having me lowering my level to yours." Calmly, flatly, without bothering to look back, the black haired teenager had answered.

The redhead pouted in a way that almost made her face to inflate, which, along with her tentacle like pigtails nearly snaking around, made her oddly similar to a cartoony octopus for a moment. "Don't mock me!"

Mana made no reply, no further sound. She just kept on walking at the same pace. The pigtailed girl had to rush after her once more to keep up to her.

"Anyway, now that we are away from everyone, can you finally tell me why are we skipping classes today?" she asked.

"The Headmaster called early today," Mana said in a low, serious tone. "Something managed to pass through the barrier near this area around 4:00 A.M., Shiho."

The younger girl, around thirteen years old at most, cringed a little. "H-how big?"

"Nothing too large in size, apparently, but often the small monsters are the worst ones. As you have taught me." She looked back, giving her a dry and wry half-smile.

"Oneesama, the comedy isn't your forte," the offended small Miko pouted again.

"I never joke," the tall female looked ahead once more. "But there's more. The reports also say something else left a major residual magical imprint around this area last night."

The shorter girl in the traditional red hakama and white haori jacket looked up at her identically clothed sempai. "Do you think it has something to do with the vampire scare?"

"Yes. It is the most likely alternative."

Munakata Shiho shuddered, getting closer to her. Then she paused, looking at the gigantic and majestic tree that towered over the whole campus in the distance. "Mana-Oneesama?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Maybe I should try to do it this week?"

Mana took a brief glimpse into the tree's direction, then shook her head. "I don't believe you are ready yet. And neither is he."

"But at this rate, some other girl will declare herself to Oniichan first sooner or later!"

"Somehow, I doubt it," Mana stated bluntly.

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean? Oniichan has everything a girl could wish for!"

"Other than presence, intelligence, wealth and charisma, you mean?" the dark skinned young woman asked, rather devoid of bitterness, barely questioning in an almost casual way.

"You'll never get married with that attitude, Oneesama," the apprentice humphed.

"I hope so," she stopped, then tensed up, gesturing for Shiho to stop and hush as well. "I think I can feel it" she whispered. "Behind those bushes. Get your charms ready."

With a soft gulping sound, the short girl nodded, quickly pulling a few paper wards out of her long sleeves in a single swift motion. Meanwhile, much faster than that, Tatsumiya unzipped her bag and pulled a large sniper rifle out of it, aiming it towards one of the bushes. The bush suddenly trembled and rustled, and then it seemed to explode to life as Mana shot it and Shiho threw a few wards on it, right after muttering a nervous rapid prayer.

Dodging both the bullet and the pieces of blessed paper, the tiny white blur that had just jumped out into the open ran away as fast as the wind, clutching something into its mouth. Mana took aim again, and then shot once more, missing again much to her frustration.

"Wow!" Shiho gasped behind her. "It's good, Oneesama! I never had seen you missing ever before!"

"Kuso." the tall Miko grunted. Now the thing was fully out of sight, lost in the forest, as fast as it had appeared. "Shiho, did you get to see what it was carrying?"

"Actually, yes." the younger female nodded. "It was a bra!"

Mana tilted her eyes toward her, fixing a creepy, incredulous gaze upon her. "A... what?"

**Act Five:**

Ookuchi Akira stepped out of the dressing room, clad in her dark blue one piece school swimsuit, with a thoughtful expression on her features.

After classes, the Swimming Club was taking over the large indoor pool, but for some reason, Akira just couldn't put her heart into it today. Her mind kept going back to the events of the prior night. She just knew there was something off with the story Hakase had told them. If Hasegawa and her roommates had arrived to the room after the 'vampire' had left, why had Negi-sensei ran away after it? How could he know which way had it taken? And how could he go out so quickly, before she and Ako came? Jumping through the window? And why had Hasegawa gone out of her room wearing not but a wrapped bedsheet?

It just didn't add together at all. A Kazumi or Haruna would have pursued the mystery to its ultimate consequences, but Akira preferred to let it slide. For now, at least. Still, it was troubling, and she was sure Ako felt the same way.

The graceful tall girl walked to the pool's edge, ignoring the boys' glares and leerings from the other side of the fence. As always, they gathered around to watch the girls before their own instructor arrived. She was a favorite of them, and she had grown used to it, but even she stopped being the centre of attention when Kuga-sempai emerged out of the pool.

With water droplets glistening all over her slender but fit body, the swimsuit clad Kuga Natsuki stepped out, like a dreamy mermaid becoming human before her adoring subjects. Whenever she did that, even the other girls paused and took notice, drinking on her serene, dignified beauty.

"I wish I could have a body like Kuga-san's," someone whispered.

"She's like a model," they chattered.

"But she's very conceited," another girl confided quietly. "I heard she's a delinquent, too. She even rides a motorcycle, from what Aoi-sempai told me..."

Without saying a single word, not hearing or not caring about the rumors, Kuga marched away as Akira kept on calmly looking at her, until she was out of sight. The older girl went into the dressers, where several of her own classmates were toweling off and putting their clothes back on.

"Hey, someone took my brassiere away," one of them had complained.

The brown haired Higurashi Akane, with a pink towel wrapped around her modest figure, gasped while looking inside of her locker. "It can't be! My underwear's missing, too!"

"So's mine!" another girl despaired.

Class 2-F was a few meters away, pondering the disappearance of their own undergarments.

"There can be only one explanation for this!" Chiri scowled deeply, tightening a fist up and holding it near her meager chest, with bloody revenge burning in her eyes. "There is a shameless pervert between us!"

"Oh, come on, Chiri-chan!" her friend Kafuka laughed, waving a hand around dismissively. "There's no way a perverted underwear thief, the kind of dangerous sex offender we only see in the metropolitan news, is on the loose at this Academy!"

"Then what do you think it is?" their classmate Tsunetsuki Matoi asked.

"It has to be... an Underwear Gnome!" Kafuka said, very sure of herself.

"Say what?" Chiri exclaimed.

"The Underwear Gnomes are known everywhere from America, especially Colorado, to Japan," Kafuka lectured. "They collect underpants and similar items for profit. My mother told me a lot of stories about an infamous and twisted Gnome who roamed this area when she was young. He stole the panties of all girls until two brave martial artists caught him and locked him up at a cave at the hills! No doubt he's back for revenge now!"

Natsuki huffed while finished drying her long black hair. The inanities of those girls sickened her. She stood up from her bench and quickly walked to her locker, willing to go back to her target's pursuit as soon as possible.

She opened its door up and looked inside. Then she cringed, screeching her teeth.

"Something wrong, Kuga-san?" Akane asked her, blinking curiously.

Natsuki turned around fast, slamming the door close and leaning her back against it. "What could be wrong?" she asked dangerously.

"Well, it's just you always wear such expensive bras and panties, I thought you could have been hit as well..." the girl with brown hair hesitated.

"Nonsense. Of course I haven't been hit," Kuga grumbled, looking aside. "No way I'd let something like that to happen to me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Akane apologized. "You are always watchful and alert, so it's simply to be expected..."

Natsuki had to nod, forcing a feral smirk of self-confidence.

A few minutes later, she awkwardly walked in a stiff fashion through the halls of Mahora, holding her skirt down in a way that almost seemed self-betraying to her attempts to look natural. She couldn't wear her wet swimsuit under her uniform, so she was stuck with that situation until she could reach the Student Council's offices and ask Shizuru for a spare or something. She knew she couldn't trust anyone else on it.

So far, she had been lucky, not running into anyone else. But then she saw her target coming along, followed by his roommates, Shakti's assistant, and that strange girl who looked like a robot. Oh no, out of all the times to find him...

"I still can't help being worried about Ayase-san," Negi was commenting. "I wonder why can't we visit her..."

"I heard from Asakura she lost a lot more blood than me, and she's smaller and weaker than me to start with," Misora confided them. "I figure it's okay. Ako and Shizuna-sensei are with her, after all."

"I only hope so..." Negi sulked before noticing the older girl's presence. "Ah, Kuga Natsuki-san! Good morning! I am Negi Springfield, your English teac—".

"The kid teacher, I know" Natsuki nodded quickly, cursing the fact that hall was so narrow and she just couldn't rush past them like that. "Sorry about not making it to classes lately. Been busy. Still am, so if you excuse me—"

"Is there something I can help you with?" Negi still stood in her way, cluelessly. "You only have to ask—"

"No, there isn't!" Kuga fumbled with the words. "Can you please just step aside? I have no time to waste!"

"Why so angry, Sempai?" Misora asked. "Sensei was just asking you a question..."

Then Negi suddenly seemed about to sneeze. Panicking, Chisame silently pulled a tissue out at full speed and pressed it against his nose. He thanked her with a smile and a nod, blew his nose off as politely as a child could, and smiled in some embarrassment up at Natsuki. "Sorry about that, Kuga-san" he said, the sneeze threat apparently over. "If you have something urgent to do, please do it. But don't keep on skipping classes, okay?"

"I'll see what I can do" the girl began to walk past him. Then her long hair brushed accidentally against his nose.

It was only a small sneeze. Not enough to blow any clothes off, but enough to blow a skirt up. And there was nothing to shred up under it.

Negi, Chisame and Misora stared in paralyzed shock. Hakase merely made a brief disapproving face. Chachamaru's expression did not change at all.

Natsuki stood petrified for a moment, before pulling her skirt back down, her face painted red all over. The boy was stuttering a terrified apology, turning his head around and blushing like crazy. The other girls simply kept on looking at her, not saying a single thing.

There was only one thing she could do now.

Kuga Natsuki had never, ever been a shrieking woman.

But she still had to shriek as loud as she could then.

**Act Six:**

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Even now, Misora was laughing so hard her face was red. "Oh, man! Oh, man, that look on Kuga-sempai's face! It was priceless! The only thing that would have made it better is if Kazumi had been there with a camera!"

Chisame took a disgusted sideglare at her. "I ask you again, exactly what kind of nun are you?"

"It is perfectly okay to make fun of those who go commando," Misora said while wiping the laughter tears off her eyes. "It's, um, a sin deserving mockery."

"Where in your Bible do they say that?" the hacker asked. After her own incidents with the stripping sneeze, she couldn't help but feeling some sympathy for Natsuki's plight.

"It's, er, in the Book of Ruth, Chapter 3, Verse 4," Kasuga quickly made her excuse.

"No, it isn't," Hakase calmly denied from where she stood, flipping through the latest _Popular Mechanics_ magazine. The three of them waited next to a magazine stand right outside a small grocery store at the outskirts of Mahora City.

Misora shot the genius a frustrated glare. "You're an atheist, what can you know about the Bible?"

"My lack of belief on its doctrines doesn't mean I haven't studied its text. It has no scientific value, but it still counts as enough of a social and historical implement to merit some research, back when I hadn't decided on a specialty yet," Satomi explained with extreme tranquility.

Misora groaned. "Hey, Chisame-chan. You know, I have found a new sense of respect for your everyday patience."

"I am a martyr of science," Chisame agreed, nodding solemnly.

Chachamaru and Negi walked out of the store then. "Sorry for keeping you waiting!" the boy teacher apologized.

"We can be on our way now," the robot sedately said, holding a bag full with several cans in a hand.

"What's that for, Chachamaru?" Misora asked her.

"It's for... some friends." Keeping her face low, the living machine started to walk away, the four humans following her closely.

"It isn't a trap you're setting for us, right?" Kasuga distrusted.

"No," Chachamaru denied passively.

"Who are those 'friends'?" Satomi scowled. "You never had mentioned them in your personal performance reports."

"I considered they were of no interest for your research fields," the gynoid stated.

"Hoo! That's robot for 'Mind your own business', isn't it?" Misora whistled.

"Kasuga-san, please..." Negi begged.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Chisame muttered.

They continued walking down the street until they ran into a little black haired girl bawling her eyes out. Concerned, Negi rushed to her side. "What's wrong? Can we help you with something?"

"My-My balloon!" the seven-years old sniffed, pointing up to a tree. "My balloon slipped from my hand and now is stuck in there!"

Chachamaru lifted her head up, focusing her eyes on the treetop. "The object has been located. Still functional, trapped between two upper branches. I will retrieve it."

Her shoes spat fire; literally, as the small jets installed into her feet were turned on, lifting her up into the air. She bonked her head against a thick branch, but she paid no attention to it. Instead, she looked into the foliage, quickly pulling out a shiny red balloon.

The little girl's eyes lit up. "My balloon!"

Chachamaru flew back down, handing it back to her with a polite nod.

"Thank you, Green Hair-san!" the child happily said. Behind her, Negi, Chisame and Misora stared wide-eyed. Hakase only took frantic notes on a worn out notebook, biting her lower lip down.

As they left the contented girlie behind, Misora questioned, "Don't you think you should be more careful with your secret?"

"Which secret?" Chachamaru asked back.

"Well, duh! The one about you being a robot!" the sprinter slapped herself on the head.

"Should I keep that as a secret?" she wondered, flatly. "Hakase-san?"

"No, it's okay" the scientist then smirked. "The more people knows about MY genius, the better!"

"If TV crews start showing up at home, I'll kick you out," Chisame warned.

Right then, Chachamaru stopped abruptly. Her classmates and teacher followed her gaze to where a diminutive old lady in a kimono worked her way up a long set of steps leading to a shrine. Before anyone else could move, the gynoid had flashed next to the gray and old woman, greeting her with a bowing of her head.

"Ah, Chachamaru-chan!" the woman spoke in a nice and warm, but tired and spent, voice. "As pretty as always. Are you going to see your friends?"

The robot nodded again, and then turned around and crouched down, gesturing for the lady to climb onto her back.

"Oh, will you do that for me? You're too kind..."

Satomi did nothing but to take more notes. The others watched, amazed, how Chachamaru helped the woman to mount her, and then followed that by carrying her up to the shrine itself. Once there, the lady thanked her by patting her head with a wrinkled tiny hand.

"Thank you again, Chachamaru. You're such a good girl..."

They still were silent by the time the robot rejoined them. "I am sorry," she said. "My actions have delayed our schedule. I will do my best to prevent any further incidents of this nature."

"Y-You don't have anything to apologize for!" a deeply moved Negi shook his head.

"Is this girl for real?" Misora whispered to Chisame.

"It seems hard to believe Hakase programmed her, doesn't it?" Chisame whispered back.

Hakase overheard, arching an eyebrow, but opted to stay silent on the matter.

Finally, the robot led them into a large empty lot. Only a few old walls stood there, seemingly the final remains of a house brought down long ago.

"So, this is the place?" Hasegawa asked. "Who the heck could you meet at a place like this?"

Chachamaru didn't voice her reply. Instead, she only crouched down and started opening the cans, making small cooing sounds that were as bland as oddly moving. Attracted by the sound of her voice and the smell of the food, kittens and cats of all kinds and sizes began to show up from behind every wall, softly meowing and gathering around the newcomers, especially Chachamaru herself.

"Chachamaru," Satomi blinked, "What is the meaning of this...?"

"They depend on me," the robot kept her voice low as she fed a black and white kitty. "They all lost their homes. The Master allowed me to care after them. Would you please do the same thing?"

Misora giggled, picking a fat kitten up and scratching its stomach. "I wonder if Cocone would like one of these..."

"I don't like animals" Satomi scowled slightly. "They disrupt the conditions needed for a peaceful working environment."

"I only ask to keep them here," Chachamaru pleaded in a heartfelt monotone. "I promise not to bring them home."

"I don't know..." Hakase doubted.

"Please, Hakase-san...!" Negi, with stars in his eyes, held a purring tabby near her face. "Isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

"GAH! Sensei, keep that dirty thing away from me, please! Who knows how many germs it holds! Okay, Chachamaru, you can continue supervising these... felines as long as you keep them confined to this area!" she relented.

"Thank you," the machine bowed deeply.

Chisame scoffed before deciding to pet a cat herself. It was a small thingy with dark fur and very bright eyes that had caught her attention. Smiling a bit, she crouched down next to it and carefully reached for its head. "There, there, Cutie... Never fear, I'm just going to—"

Then the cat bit her fingers cruelly, with teeth as sharp and pointy as a bear trap.

"YEEE-OWWWW!" Chisame howled. "THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT $%#& BEAST!"

"Hasegawa-san, please, no!" Negi begged.

"It was just a bite, Chisame-chan!" Misora laughed. "Don't be such a baby!"

"I HAVE TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME 'CHISAME-CHAN'!"

**Act Seven:**

"If it gets infected, I'll retaliate," Chisame mumbled while the five of them walked back towards her dorm. She was finishing wrapping her bitten index finger in bandages, with a horrible sour expression etched into her face.

"You always are drowning in a glass of water," Misora carelessly said. "But I suppose it was to be expected from a hikkikomori."

Chisame tossed a killer glare into her direction. "How have you just called me?"

Negi blinked with curiosity. "What does that term mean?"

"Hikkikomori," Chachamaru read from her memory data banks. "Contemporary term popularly employed at Japan to designate the so-called 'shut-ins', people who spends their time locked inside of their homes, rejecting social contact with others. See also, NEET, Otaku, Fanboy, Fangirl."

Chisame growled while pulling her keys out, the five stopping before the building's main door. "If you insist on being a dictionary, I'll make you sleep on the bookshelf!"

She opened the door, and all of them walked in. As they went for Chisame and Hakase's rooms, Negi couldn't help but stopping before the door to Yue and Nodoka's living quarters. He looked at it with a distant and worried expression, silently mulling to himself.

"Sensei?" Chisame asked him. "Snap out of it. They'll be okay."

"I know..." he sighed. "But, even so... I know it's my fault. They were targeted because they were my students, and the closest ones to us..."

"How is that your fault?" Misora huffed. "You aren't responsible for what that witch decided to do on her own."

Chachamaru seemed to be somewhat taken aback by those words. "The Master is... a complex person. She may seem ruthless and uncaring, but she never takes actions without a reason for it."

"No reason is good enough for putting us at the hospital!" Kasuga adamantly claimed.

"I'm sorry for your problems and Ayase-san's," Chachamaru bowed to her. "If I could do something to make up for it..."

Misora seemed interested. "Anything?"

"No matter what are you thinking, the answer is 'No'," Hakase warned her.

"Will you EVER let her to take her own decisions?" Misora snapped back. "By the way, Chachamaru, why do you think Eva skipped classes again today? You know her well. Don't you think she may be planning her revenge?"

"The possibilities of that are... near a ninety percent," the robot replied reluctantly. "The Master is not a person to take offenses or setbacks lightly, and once she puts her mind into something, she will not back down until she gets it."

"See? I told you!" Misora seemed reinvindicated. "The only thing we can do now is to counterattack while she's still weak and helpless! Or else she'll suck us drier than Nitta-sensei's lectures!"

"But she's my student, *and* your classmate!" Negi was scandalized. "What you are suggesting is simply wrong! Maybe we should just try to talk it over with her..."

Hakase was just looking at Chisame, who had frozen solid at the door. "What has happened?" the black haired teen asked.

"Noise. From inside," Hasegawa whispered, her voice stiff.

"Crap, it's her!" Misora instinctively hid behind Chachamaru. "It's an ambush!"

Negi took a breath in and walked inside. "I'll deal with it," he said.

"Sensei, no..." Chisame began, but he already had made his way inside. "Children today. Never listening to their elders."

"It isn't the Master's style for a lethal ambush," Chachamaru estimated. "She would prefer a grand entrance with a loud announcement of her overall superiority."

Hakase gave her a look of stupefaction. "In how many lethal ambushes has she taken you into?"

Negi had stopped right at the entrance to the bedroom, his eyes wide and his mouth open. Chisame had just stopped right behind him, gasping and making a terrified face. Hakase followed in, pushing her glasses up to look at the room's scene, with a puzzled face. Finally, after Chachamaru walked in and showed no recognition of whoever was there, Misora dared to warily follow in, peeking over the robot's right shoulder.

She saw a small furry animal, all white as snow, with a long tail and shiny black eyes and nose, sitting on top of a huge hill of feminine underwear, with a cigarette on its mouth. Its paws danced over the keyboard of Chisame's computer, as the screen before it displayed several images of a girl who looked a lot like Hasegawa herself, wearing several fancy and rather revealing dresses.

"Chamo...!" Negi could say at last.

The animal finally noticed it was not alone anymore, turning its head around to look at them. It lifted a paw up casually, and then it spoke, in a perky and cheerful voice.

"Oh, hey there, Bro! Nice place you have here!"


	12. Lesson 9: Down the Memory Lane

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Again, a lot of thanks to all my reviewers and contributors here and at the message boards I frequent. You guys and gals just rule.

Hellsender- Yes, indeed. That black kitty was the one from _Azumanga Daioh_. Glad to see someone catching on it.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER NINE.**

**Act One:**

For Negi, it was a moment of infinite joy.

For Chisame, it was a moment of infinite terror.

For everyone else, it was seeing a smoking white weasel at a computer, on top of a mountain of underwear.

"Chamo...!" the teacher ran to grab the animal in a tight, heartfelt hug, squeezing it against his chest. "It's been such a long, long time...!"

"My dear Bro!" the weasel cried back. "You have grown so much...!"

Chisame just pushed them aside and yelled while looking at her computer. "My webpage! You were browsing through my webpage!" she voiced her despair, completely forgetting Misora and Chachamaru were there as well.

"Huh?" the furry thing looked back at her. "It was bookmarked, so I didn't see any problem with it!"

"YOU SEE NO PROBLEM WITH TURNING A STRANGER'S COMPUTER ON AND THEN— Oh my God" she clutched her face between her hands. "I'm talking to a white giant rat. And the rat is TALKING BACK TO ME!"

"That's such a rude thing to say!" the small mammal sounded offended. "A rat? Me? Miss, I'll inform you I'm Albert Chamomille the Third, a noble descendant of the mythical Caith Sith ermines! I'm also the Bro here's best and closest confidante, so you'd better—"

"You're a peeper and a panty thief!" Chisame growled, grabbing him by the throat, yanking him away from Negi and throttling him. "Where did you get all this underwear, you... you sicko hallucination!"

"ANIMAL ABUSE...!" the critter managed to yell for dear life.

"Hasegawa-san, please, let him go!" Negi tried to intervene. "You're going to hurt him!"

Misora, meanwhile, took advantage of Chisame's distraction to walk over to the computer and look at it. "So, you have a webpage, huh? This is what keeps you locked here all day long?"

"KYA!" Moved by panic, Chisame let Chamo fall down to the floor with a heavy thud, then stepped in between Kasuga and the PC. "Don't look! It's nothing of your business!"

"Ehhhh?" Misora was perplexed. "What's the big deal? You don't make porn, do you?"

"O-OF COURSE I DON'T!"

"You should. You have the shape for it" the ermine said from the floor.

Chisame stomped on him a few times. "You shut up like a normal animal would!"

Chamo laughed between brief yelps of pain punctuated by each stomp. "So! Ow! Worth! Ouch! It! Ooof!"

Hasegawa then realized he was looking up her skirt. With her face bright red, she kicked him against a wall. "Just die already!"

Negi knelt down in tears next to the tiny bleeding figure. "Chamo..." he sobbed. "Don't die..."

"I have just witnessed Eden..." Chamo spoke up with a suddenly deep and manly husky voice, his head tilting aside. "I can perish happily now..."

Five minutes later, however, he was perfectly okay now, sitting on top of the coffe table and laughing happily at the small group gathered around him.

"As soon as I learned the Bro was going to leave Wales, I knew I had to go after him, no matter if he went to the end of the world!" he narrated. "Sadly, I didn't arrive in time to come with him, but I managed to learn of your ultimate destination thanks to my amazing information compiling skills, Bro!"

"You hid into Anya's underwear drawer and spied on her again, didn't you?" Negi asked, not really annoyed, simply curious.

"Well, heh heh, it's a tried and true strategy..." the ermine excused himself.

"Where did you and Sensei first meet?" Satomi inquired. "I have a hard time imagining any common interest between the two of you."

"Oh, it happened five years ago, at the hills of our homeland" the mammal reminisced. "Somehow, despite my incredible skills at surviving in the wilderness, I was caught into a bear trap set up by a cruel and vile poacher..."

"Actually, it was our tutor at the time. He wanted to catch whoever was stealing the undergarments of the village's girls" the young boy pointed out.

"He still was cruel and vile!" Chamo protested. "Anyway, the Bro set me free, and he even fixed my broken leg with a healing spell! He also took a harsh punishment for letting me go!" he cried.

"It was only a light slap on the head..." Negi laughed it off.

"Ever since, I took an oath of honor to help my Brother to become a Magister Magi as great as his father! Maybe you mundanes don't know it, but the Magister Magi is the highest rank an aspiring mage can reach! And it can't be attained without the help of a good partner like me!" the ermine boasted.

"You have stolen all this lingerie from underage schoolgirls" Chisame dryly said while holding a rather racy pair of panties up. "Do you expect us to believe you have any honor to place oaths onto?" She paused. "By the way, where did you get these ones?"

"Next door," Chamo simply replied.

"Next door?" Chisame's face betrayed shock. "No way these may belong to Miyazaki, so..."

Misora let a whistling out. "Never expected it from Yue-chan, either."

"That... That doesn't matter!" Chisame slammed a hand on the table, her face red. "What if someone finds all of this here? We'll be branded as perverts! We'll never live it down!"

Satomi held a match up. "What if we burn the evidence down?"

"That's it! What a great idea!" Hasegawa nodded.

"No, my precious innocent dearies no!" the critter yelled. "It's not their fault!"

Negi casted a confused glare on him. "I'll never understand that strange hobby of yours, Chamo..."

"Oh, you will, Bro" the ermine confided him. "Believe me, sooner or later, you will. By the way, are these girls your Pactio partners? I'm impressed! Little more than a week here, and you already got four of them!"

"Ch-Chamo!" Negi blushed. "Of course they aren't! Don't joke about that!"

Chisame had a bad feeling as she saw the boy, and even Misora, blushing. "What's a Pactio partner? And what's the embarrassing deal about it?"

She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she figured remaining ignorant could prove to be even worse.

**Act Two:**

Chamo sat back, smiled a little snug ermine smirk, and began his explanation.

"The word 'Pactio' is Latin for 'Alliance'. It's the union of a Mage and a Partner to become companions in battle" he said. "Traditionally, wizards need someone to help them while they cast their spells... to protect their backs and such. The partner subordinated to the mage is called the Minister Magi, and normally plays a Paladin or Knight role to support the mage's actions. Are you following me?"

"I already knew all that," Misora said.

"Me as well" Chachamaru nodded.

"Chao had told me a few details on the matter," Satomi reminisced.

Chisame sweated. "Am I the only person at the class who has led a normal life until now?"

"Then pay attention, Ignorant-Sis" the ermine scolded her. "In exchange for their services as the guardians and protectors of the magic users, the Ministers receive a boost of magic power from their masters. It increases their bodies' strenght, agility and speed! Their stamina grows, as well as their mental endurance! And best of all, every Minister gets a special Artifact that allows them to use magical abilities of their own! Such abilities are usually born out of the Minister's subconscious mind, and thus, the Artifact generally matches the Minister's personality."

"No way," Hasegawa denied.

"Yes, way!" Chamo insisted. "A long, long way, actually!"

"Okay. And how is that fantastic alliance established?" Chisame moaned. "Through a signed contract with two leprechauns and a Fairy Godmother as witnesses?"

Negi blushed again and stammered. "U-Um, not that way, actually. It's... somewhat complex to explain—"

"Complex, nuthin'!" Chamo laughed. "The Magister and the Minister simply have to kiss each other!"

Chisame choked on her own saliva. "A-A-A KISS?"

"Well, yeah" the animal was unfettered. "If they don't like each other enough to share a kiss, then how could they hope to protect each other's lives? The link between Minister and Magister must be very deep and strong. There are a few other ways to establish a Pactio, yeah, but they are too bothersome, and almost no one uses them nowadays."

"But that's the Provisional Pactio, isn't it?" Hakase seemed to remember. "Chao once mentioned there was another kind of Pactio, one deeper and more powerful than the one established through a kiss."

"Ah, yes, the Permanent Pactio. It acts as a definitive union between Magister and Minister, but the Bro's still too young to even consider that" the ermine answered. "You can do several Provisional Pactios at the same time with no problem, but only Magister Magi of a really high level can establish two or more Permanent Pactios at the same time. It happens, however. Ever heard of King Solomon? The legends of the Magical World say he achieved such a knowledge of the arcane arts he managed to amass a whole harem— I mean, team— of Permanent Ministra. Afterwards, he founded the basis for the current Magician's Society Goetia, and he—"

"Stop the history lesson right now!" Chisame shouted. "If a Provisional Pactio is achieved through a kiss, then how do you get a Permanent Pactio?"

"Well..." Chamo seemed uneasy as his friend and Misora looked even more awkward, "I... I'll explain it to you when you're older..."

Chisame slumped back down. "I knew it. Then it's like dating compared to getting married, isn't it?"

"A very astute observation, Chiu-chan!" the critter nodded quickly. "As a matter of fact, yes, many Minister and Magister end up marrying each other! That's why usually the pairings are between a female and a male, although there can be any sorts of variations on it."

She stared daggers at him. "Never call me 'Chiu-chan' again if you value your life! And now I'm even more sure Sensei doesn't need to think of such things yet! Don't tell me that's the only reason why you came all the way here!"

Chamo seemed offended. "Do you think I would be here only to push an agenda upon you, Bro?" He turned some huge Bambi eyes up at Negi.

"Of course not, Chamo!" the brat heartfully replied, annoying Chisame even more.

Misora sighed, then looked at the window. "It's getting late," she noticed.

"Well, go back home then," Chisame humphed.

"No way I'm going out into the night again as long as Evangeline is out there hunting," the shorter girl cringed.

"But you can't leave your friend Cocone alone all night long, either," Negi pointed out. "I can escort you home if you want..."

"No need for that, Sensei!" she laughed. "I'll just call her and tell her to go sleep with the next door neighbor. She never makes any questions; I used to send Cocone-chan with her whenever I slept over at Yuuna's."

"Don't reject the chance, Bro..." Chao whispered, chuckling as he playfully elbowed the boy's chest. "Sleeping in the same room as four pretty girls! Someday, you'll look back at this night and think—"

A book thrown at his face silenced him.

Chisame was just as surprised herself as the others she hadn't been the one to toss the tome. She looked at Satomi with wide perplexed pupils. "Hakase...?"

There was the slightest fade of pinkish red over the scientist's cheeks. "My hand slipped. Sorry."

**Act Three:**

Hakase Satomi woke up with a start shortly after midnight.

She had been having _that_ kind of dreams again. She had not had them for months now; she thought she was over them by then. And yet, they had just returned.

It was the ermine's fault. He and his dirty talking about nonsense like lust and romance. Satomi sat up on the bed grumbling to herself, feeling strangely hot and bothered, as she had not felt for so long. She knew she couldn't get to sleep again until she took charge of her annoying mounted up tension.

The last thing she needed in her life was being reminded of Kazuya-sempai.

It had been a stupid girlie crush, the kind of thing she was supposed to be above of. She would be mortified if anyone knew about it; she suspected Chao and Chisame did know, but neither of them would ever talk about it, and she preferred it that way. No matter what, she had to leave that alone, forgotten and buried.

And yet, the need was there again. It needed to be dispatched away and quickly.

Her eyes wandered into the darkness until they found Chachamaru, sitting quietly next to Negi-sensei's futon, with the sleeping child's head resting on her lap.

"Chachamaru," her creator whispered.

"Yes?" her creation whispered back.

"I... I... I will be at the toilet for, um, a substantial amount of time," Satomi took extra efforts to keep her own voice barely audible. "If anyone should attempt to enter there during that period, you are authorized to stop them at any and all costs. Especially the ermine."

"Understood" the robot said softly. She looked at the drawer where the animal slept like a log, on top of a comfy bed made of stolen underwear.

Satomi nodded while standing up and heading for the bathroom's door. She may not have known the first thing about popular sexual lingo and innuendo, but she was well read, and academically, she was well familiarized with the mechanics of the exercise she was about to engage into.

Not to mention, well, she had the practice of all those months ago.

Stupid Kazuya-sempai.

He never had even noticed her.

It hurt now, like an old wound that had just reopened.

Hakase slammed the door closed after herself.

At the upper bunk of the bed, Misora's eyes were fully open. She did not move at all, but her mind raced faster than her feet at any day at the track. Had she just been woken up by the sounds of Hakase Satomi actually going to do what she thought she was going to do? Or was she still dreaming? Nah, she had to be dreaming. No way the Prof could—

On second thought, maybe it was better if she wasn't dreaming it. Because if she dreamed about the mere notion of Hakase doing that, what did that say about herself?

It was bad enough she was sharing a bed with Hasegawa Chisame of all people. Actually, it had not been that bad at first; Chisame slept quietly and was not the type that rolled around. But now that Hakase had made those small noises, that seemed to have pushed her roommmate to the brink of waking up.

"Nnnh," Chisame mumbled sleepily, feeling someone near her, forgetting all about going to sleep with the young sister. "Sensei. Here again? Idiot."

Without any warning, the sleeping girl drove a fist into Misora's chin, and hard, making her to squeal under her breath. For someone who vegetated all day long before a computer, Chisame sure packed a mean punch!

And apparently she also half-heard Misora's choked mild sobbings of pain, because her face softened after it. "Mmghhh. No cry," the long haired girl mumbled. "No, moron. Sorry. Sorry."

Misora was surprised when the sleeping schoolgirl put her hands on her shoulders, vaguely pulling her towards herself, allowing her chin to rest on her left shoulder. Kasuga was starting to get a truly bizarre, but probably accurate, idea of Negi-kun and Chisame's recent sleeping habits.

And yet, it felt warm and comfortable.

Misora relaxed herself in Chisame's loose sisterly embrace, smiling a little. She closed her eyes slowly and allowed herself to drift off into sleep.

**Act Four:**

"So, Eva's not coming today again, huh?" Misa asked as she eyed the empty seat.

"Rumor is Chachamaru left her and moved in with Negi-sensei, Prof and Chi-chan" Kazumi giggled with a wink and a nod. "Who knows what went on there!"

Asuna perked up a bit, distracted from her morning sleepy stupor. "She did?"

"That's what my sources have told me," the reporter answered.

"Maybe she's just staying there for maintenance" Madoka theorized. "Hey, Chao, do you know something about it?"

The Chinese girl shook her head. "Can't say I've been told-yo" she said. "I'll ask Satomi after classes, ne?"

"Please stop that!" Ayaka, rather annoyed at what she was hearing, clapped her hands, standing up as she heard those small, already familiar to her, steps coming from the outside. "Everyone greet Sensei!"

The class obeyed as Negi walked in followed by Chisame, Hakase, Chachamaru and Misora. "Good morning, everyone!" he told them after they voiced their welcome. He acknowledged Sayo's presence with a brief nod into her direction, and the ghost smiled back gently. Only he and Misora could see her, as the ones who had performed the reveal spell on her, but she still was happy to have at least two people she could talk to now.

"Are Nodoka and Yue still on sick leave?" Kasuga asked while sitting down next to Ako.

"Yes, Haruna also took the day off to look after them" the nurse replied. "But Nodoka should rejoin tomorrow. She got nothing but a shock and a nervous crisis."

Negi sighed, opening his roster book to take notes on the day's absences. Chisame, meanwhile, sulked moodily at her own desk. First forced up to sleep with the brat, and now with the nun. Waking up to find her hugging her in her sleep had been rather disturbing, even if Misora had just laughed it off and passed it off as nothing.

"Any news on Mc Dowell-san?" he asked.

"Wouldn't you know-de gozaru?" Kaede asked curiously.

"More specifically, wouldn't Chachamaru-chan know?" Fuuka gave the robot an inquisitive glare.

The gynoid denied with her head, sedately, her head a bit low. Negi couldn't help but feeling bad about her. The class' eyes were set on her, as if trying to silently pry a direct answer from her. Ayaka in particular seemed to be very antsy and touchy on the matter of her recent living developments.

"W-Well, I'll visit her after classes to see how she is doing, okay?" he said, with a shaky short laugh of reinsurance. Chachamaru actually seemed to perk up at that, to some degree, but Misora, Chisame and Hakase all made faces that seemed to shout 'BAD IDEA! BAD IDEA!'. Unfortunately for them, he was oblivious as he opened his textbook. "Well, now, let's check the exercises on Page 42..."

And so, they were there, late that afternoon, at the doors of a small cottage at the Northern Mahora woods. Misora had quickly excused herself saying she had things to do at the church, but Satomi had stubbornly insisted on coming with Chachamaru even if it meant missing another meeting of the Jet Propulsion Club. Chisame had been torn between following and heading back home for another session of being Chiu, but at the end she had stupidly decided to come along. She still was berating herself as Negi warily knocked at the door.

"Hello...?" he shyly said. "Mc Do— Evangeline-san? It's me, Negi-sensei. We were... worried about you. We've brought Chachamaru-san..."

There was no reply.

"No one's here," Chisame grumbled. "Maybe she's out sucking bunnies dry or something. Let's go back home".

"No," Chachamaru touched the door. "My scanning of our residence shows her biosignature inside. It feels faint and weak, however. She is sick. We must enter."

"Okay. Fine," Satomi sighed. "Did you happen to bring any keys?"

"I am a key," Chachamaru calmly produced a key that sprang off the tip of her right index finger.

Hakase blinked. "I didn't install that into you!"

"The Master and Chao-san did it," the robot said as she opened the door and walked inside.

"How could they do that without informing me?" Satomi exclaimed. "And why didn't you report it to me, either?"

But they were ignoring her, Negi and Chachamaru entering the house, Chisame following in after a few moments of hesitation. Hakase sputtered to herself for a second, ballying her hands up into fists, before finally going after them, closing the door behind herself.

Was this how Chisame felt all the time?

**Act Five:**

The three youngsters walking behind Chachamaru paused and gasped in awe of their surroundings. The living room of the cottage was lovingly decorated like a fairytale scene, complete with dozens and dozens of dolls and stuffed animals lined up on several shelves.

"It doesn't exactly look like the hideout of a bloodthirsty fiend," Hakase observed, pushing her glasses up.

"I guess it doesn't," Chisame kept staring at several of the dolls, getting tons and tons of ideas for new Chiu costumes. "I suppose this is your personal touch, Chachamaru?"

"No, all of this was brought in by the Master herself," the robot passed a finger over the back of a chair, examining the fine layer of dust on it. "But she hasn't cleaned up. She isn't used to do it herself."

"It's all really pretty," Negi marveled. "It feels much warmer and nicer here than I thought..."

"Who's there?" a muffled, wheezing and angry voice came from upstairs. The four of them looked up to see Evangeline standing at the top of the stairs leading to the upper floor, with her nose bright red, her eyes half closed, and wearing pink pajamas. She had several potion bottles clutched in her small hands. "Ah, it's you" she wheezed, forcing an evil smirk up. "On top of all the indignities you have piled up onto me, now you dare to invade my home..."

"We aren't here to fight, Mc Do— Evangeline-san," Negi stumbled with his treatment of her once again. "We were concerned about uour wellbeing, especially Chachamaru-san. We simply wanted to know if you were okay..."

"You? Worried about me? HAH!" the vampiress laughed dryly. "Why should you be? What sort of pathetic attempt is this? You can't fool me, not after centuries of experience... Where's Kasuga? Was she too cowardly to come? It doesn't matter, I always can catch her later..."

"D-Don't say such things!" Chisame stammered. "Is that any way to be thankful? It's absurd to keep on fighting when we all are classmates..."

Eva flexed her fingers and shook her head. "No. This won't be a fight" she coughed. "It's only a witch twisting the necks of three chickens and a dirty traitor doll. Hardly a fight at all..."

Satomi rolled her eyes around. "Yes, sure. Like you matched up to Chachamaru's strenght so well last time..."

"SILENCE!" Evangeline yelled. "Even without my magical power, I still can destroy the lot of you having the home advantage..."

"Evangeline-san, please," Negi all but begged. "Stop these hostilities and go back to classes like a good student after you've recovered... Stop being mean to your classmates and skipping classes, or you will have to repeat the term..."

"YOU DOLT!" the blonde screamed. "EVEN IF I ATTENDED CLASSES, MY CURSE WOULDN'T ALLOW ME TO GRADUATE!"

"Master, you should be in your bed," Chachamaru said. "You know you get too weak when you fall ill..."

"Weak? Me? PAH!" she gave a step forward. "Let's settle this once and for all! Only then I'll feel better!"

The teacher stepped in front of his human students, determined to protect them, taking a firm hold of his staff. "If I defeat you, will you stop attacking your peers?"

"I have no peers," Eva sneezed loudly, her next step wobbling. "No peers— No equals— No—"

Her evil smile faltered, her eyes went blank, and she fainted forward down a few steps, like a limp doll.

"GAH! EVANGELINE-SAN!" Negi shouted.

"Master!" Chachamaru ran to her side despite Satomi's unregistered warnings, picking the small undead up in her arms. "Sensei, she is under a severe fever. This season often harms her body defenses. Please help me to carry her to her bed."

"Y-yes, of course!" he quickly rushed to join them.

"What kind of vampire falls sick and feverish?" Chisame asked, disbelieving.

"Due to the seal on her powers, the Master is only a normal ten years old child, in terms of immunity and health," the robot explained as she and Negi took the house's owner to her bedroom, a nice and cozy place fully decorated on pink and black. They placed her on a large and soft bed with rich, expensive sheets and covers. "She couldn't be a threat to anyone for now."

"Oh, no?" Satomi asked, following them into the room with Hasegawa.

Chachamaru was reviewing the room's medicine cabinet now. "No. And she already emptied her medicines. She does that when she is left to her own devices. She simply consumes everything she thinks could help her."

"She really looks to be in a rather sorry state," Satomi pondered.

"Maybe she caught a cold when you stripped her down that night, Sensei," Chachamaru passively stated.

"I-I-I'm very sorry!" he seemed on the verge of tears.

"It's... okay," the gynoid said. "But please, could you look after her while I go to buy more medicines? I also must feed the cats..."

"Do you expect us to stay alone here with HER?" Chisame squealed.

"She won't harm you under the present conditions, I promise," Karakuri replied.

Hakase sighed. "Very well, very well, you have my authorization to go. We will look after Eva-san."

"DON'T DECIDE THAT FOR THE REST OF US!" Chisame protested.

"I'll stay, too," Negi nodded firmly. He smiled at the two girls. "Thanks for your generous assistance, Hasegawa-san, Hakase-san."

"I still... haven't said..." Chisame's voice trailed off. "Oh, forget it."

"I will be back shortly. You have my eternal gratitude," Chachamaru was as polite as ever as she bowed to them and left.

Once they were alone, Chisame just grabbed one of Negi's ears, one of Satomi's ears, and tugged on both at them at once, as hard as she could. All the while keeping a stony, dead serious expression.

**Act Six:**

They had been sitting silently around the bed for a few minutes now.

Negi simply twiddled his fingers around uneasily, briefly touching Eva's forehead to control her temperature at random intervals. Satomi had taken a book dealing on the mechanics of magic from one of the room's shelves and was flipping through it to see if it had any application to her research. Chisame was just using her laptop to reply to a few e-mails from her fans.

Then the small blonde moaned. "Thirsty..." she kept her eyes closed. "I'm thirsty..."

"AH!" Negi stood up immediately. "I'll bring you some water!"

He ran outside and returned moments later with a glass full of icy water. However, the vampiress rejected it by shaking her head as soon as she felt it near her face. "No... Not that..."

"Then what?" Negi eagerly asked. "Tea? Soda? Juice?"

He had his reply when the little girl chomped the air aggressively, trying to reach for his fingers.

"Still hasn't changed her tune at all," Chisame groaned, even as Eva coughed loudly.

"Sensei, you told us she has a need to drink YOUR blood to disrupt her curse, didn't you?" Hakase pondered.

"Yes. Why?" he blinked.

Satomi sighed. "Then you'd better not supply her with any of it. I'll do it instead."

"What?" Chisame widened her eyes. "You can't be serious."

"It could be an interesting experience. I have never had a chance to investigate on a vampire's feeding habits," the scientist flatly replied, pulling two fingers into Evangeline's mouth. Not missing her chance, Eva bit on them at once, making Hakase to yelp, much to her roommates' panic. However, she calmed them down with a gesture. "Relax, please. It's... okay, I suppose. It's just like taking a sample of your own blood," she bit her own lower lip as she watched the blonde hungrily sucking her fingers, until she opened her mouth and allowed them to slip off leaving a thin trail of red.

"If you become Dracula and try to bite me at night, I'll stake you," Hasegawa had to warn.

"She won't be turned after losing so little blood," Negi pulled a few bandages out and carefully, lovingly, wrapped Satomi's bite marks with them, making her to blush just a bit. Fortunately, he was too busy looking at her hands to notice the change on her face. Chisame, however, did notice, but remained mum on it.

"Uh... I feel hot..." Evangeline gurgled sleepily, turning around at a side, facing away from the window.

"Oh, of course! The sunlight!" Negi jumped up again, running to the window and closing the curtains, leaving the sunset's lights out.

But then the small girl shuddered, curling up into a ball. "Aaahh— C-cold..."

Chisame took a wary grip of her pajamas. "She's soaked on sweat!"

"Sweating the fever up, I see," Satomi noticed. "Sensei, would you leave the room? We are going to need to change her garments up."

"O-Of course!" he nodded before bolting out of the bedroom, closing the door behind himself.

He breathed deeply easing his back against the door, attempting to collect his thoughts. But then the girls' voices from inside distracted him.

"Okay, lift a leg, now the other... That's it, I'm pulling her pants down..."

"Oh, for the love of Pythagoras! What kind of underwear is that!"

"No joke! It's a freaking thong!"

"And see-through!"

"It doesn't suit her at all."

"Well, personality-wise, it might, from what we have learned about her recently. But even so…"

"Let's see if we can find something better for her... Oh God, all these drawers have nothing but even worse stuff! And what the hell is this thing? GAH, IT'S VIBRATING!"

Negi's face had become as red as a tomato by then. Even if he had not a complete idea of why, actually.

Finally, Chisame poked her head out of the bedroom and gestured for him to come back in. "We're done," she said. "The Sleeping Beauty is doing like a log again."

"Oh" Negi walked in stepping soft and silently, retaking his seat between both of his roommates. "Thanks for your help," he quietly spoke.

Evangeline was now wearing baby blue pajamas decorated with several tiny ribbons, laying on her back and sleeping like a baby. She looked extraordinarily cute and harmless, with her small mouth half open making the most diminutive wheezing sounds.

He didn't notice he had kept on staring at her until he caught on Chisame's disapproving glare. "S-sorry," he looked aside.

"Don't let her appearance to fool you," the brown haired teen lectured. "Cute as she may be, she's still an implacable enemy, and I doubt she'll be thankful."

"Hmmm," Satomi kept her nose buried back into the book she was examining. "You know, I never had really thought about it, but now I do wonder about the exact circumstances of her vampiric nature."

"What do you mean?" Chisame asked her.

"Well, it's simply she lacks any of the weaknesses the folklore assigns to vampires. She doesn't burn under the sunlight, she has no need for sleeping at a coffin with dirt from her homeland. She goes to swimming classes, so water is not an issue to her, either. I have seen her wearing silver accessories, and from what Sensei told us, Misora's cross had no effect on her."

"She might have overcome those weaknesses through her witchcraft," Negi observed.

"Ah, yes. When she was attacking the librarians, she told us she knew your father, didn't she?" Chisame remembered. "Was she some sort of rival for him?"

"I don't know..." the teacher lamented. "I don't know as much about my father as I'd like..."

"It's a shame" Hakase mused. "If only she were more cooperative, I could learn a lot about her scientific condition, and you about your father."

Negi perked up. "That's it. I think there may be a way!"

"Huh?" Chisame frowned.

He immediately sulked down. "But I don't know if it's the right thing to do..."

"What is it?" Satomi was curious now.

"Well, I... I thought of using a special spell to look into her memories, but that would be unethical to do without her consent..."

"Let's do it!" Hakase enthused.

"Whuh?" Negi and Hasegawa chorused.

"Sensei, learning knows of no moral bounds, and no self imposed barriers should stand in the way of our discoveries!" Satomi put a hand over her own flat chest. "I'm sure the future will forgive you! Almost any taboo is worth breaking for the sake of enlightenment for the future generations!" She grabbed him by the shoulders, her eyes sparkling madly now.

"Oh no, I'm rooming with Dr. Mengele!" Chisame gasped.

"Um... Well..." Negi sweated. "I'm sure Evangeline-san won't be hurt..."

His mind made up, he grabbed his staff and held it up above Eva's sleeping body. He twirled it around, until it floated by itself over the bed much to Chisame's awe and shock, glowing with a faint yellow light.

He gulped as well. It felt horribly wrong, but if it was the only way to learn more about his father...

 _"Rastel Maskil Magister..."_ he chanted. _"Nympha Somni Regina Maeve..."_

Recognizing the words in Latin, Satomi asked, "It is some species of attempt to delve into her dreams, isn't it? Can we take a look with you?"

After a brief moment of doubt, Negi nodded, extending a hand to her. Hakase grabbed it quickly, then grabbed Chisame's right hand in turn without allowing her to protest.

"Portam Aperiens Ad Se Me Alliciat" the boy finished, and then a blinding white light filled Chisame's eyes.

When she regained her eyesight a moment later, the first thing she noticed was a burning need to kill Hakase.

Then, she noticed she was fully naked except for her glasses.

Then, even more of an urge to kill Hakase.

Afterwards, she saw Negi and Satomi also there, as naked as herself (again, save the glasses), although their bodies were rather featureless with no visible nipples or genitals.

Even so, the urge to throttle Hakase had not departed.

"Why... WHY ARE WE ALL OF A SUDDEN NAKED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?" Chisame yelled as loud as she could, while covering her own featureless crotch and breasts with her hands.

"EEEEEEE! I'M SORRY!" Negi cried. "No one can travel into the psychic plane while keeping their clothes! If it makes you feel any better, these aren't our real bodies, but astral projections of ourselves! We are still sitting around Evangeline-san's bed!"

"What is there to be embarrassed about?" Satomi patted herself on her non descript private areas. "No actual sexual organs are shown at all here."

"It's still creepy!" Chisame huffed. "Our faces are fully detailed, even including our glasses, but our bodies are those of Barbie dolls?"

Negi looked away, blushing. "W-well... If you prefer it so, I might modify the spell so we are more anatomically correct..."

"No, thanks," Chisame quickly replied. She looked all around herself; they seemed to be at some sort of distant and peaceful beach of white sands, and there were only two lonely human figures in the horizon. "I guess no one can see us here, right?"

"Right," Negi nodded.

Hasegawa pointed towards both figures. "Well, then let's go there. It's the only place where you can see anyone, so I think it has to be where Evangeline's memories must be happening."

"Brilliant deduction, Hasegawa-san!" the child brightened, running that way eagerly, with Satomi following him closely.

As she watched them, Chisame cringed. Featureless as their fronts were, their lower backsides still were fully detailed. And no doubt, her own would be, too.

For a moment, she could do nothing but looking at them despite her own reservations, kind of admitting to some unconscious degree Sensei's cute and flat kiddie bottom was actually mostly pretty to look at. As well as Satomi's perky and round, small and pale buttcheeks.

With a moan of shame, she covered her butt with both hands and reluctantly walked, very slowly, after them, hanging her head down and dragging her feet through the sand.

**Act Seven:**

Now they were close enough, the three of them could see a tall, busty, buxom and curvy woman with long golden hair wearing a slinky black dress, with long gloves and high heels. She was gorgeous, but her face sneered with nothing but malice and cruelty. Next to her, and only visible from a close distance, there stood a tiny doll with green hair, somewhat similar to a miniature version of Chachamaru, with a creepy glare on its shiny pupils, and a huge sharp knife in each hand.

They faced a tall and mysterious stranger wearing a long gray robe, with a hood covering his face. Negi's heart, however, jumped at seeing the staff the man was holding.

It was his very own bandaged staff.

"Is that Evangeline's mother?" Hakase blinked.

"I think so" Chisame replied. "But why does that Muppet look like Chachamaru? I thought you had designed her."

"Hmmm. To be honest, Evangeline gave me a few basic outlines of her physical parameters," Satomi admitted. "She told me she wanted her servant to have green hair, for instance. Maybe she used to play with that doll when she was a child, so she wanted a reminder from those times."

"She played with a doll armed with knives?" Chisame seemed unconvinced, but paused right afterwards. "On the other hand, we're talking about Evangeline. I can buy it."

"Thousand Master," the temptress was saying, her voice husky and threatening, her mouth half open in a dangerous smile. "Finally, after so many months of pursuit, I have found you at this miserable island. An unusual choice of sorts for your final resting place, but it doesn't matter."

The blonde tightened a fist, "Tonight I will finally make you pay for your deceptions. Yes, I will crush you down like the insect you are! And your blood, body and soul shall belong to me!".

"You tell 'im, Master!" the doll cackled with a shrill, manic squeaky voice. "Blood, blood, blood, flowing all around! Grab me a boat, I'll sail away on it!"

"Evangeline, the Master of Puppets" the man said in a low, masculine and low voice that almost made both girls to swoon despite themselves. They quickly noticed it, asking themselves what had just happened. "The Apostle of Destruction, the Tide of Evil, the Undying Sorceress. How many men have you tempted with your bewitching beauty? How many lives have you corrupted with your power? And yet, you insist on coming after the only one who can stop you..."

"No way" Chisame recoiled. "Is that supposed to be Evangeline herself?"

"It would seem she has suffered some sort of age regression" Satomi attempted to analyze. "Highly puzzling!"

Negi was too starstruck to add any comments.

The man had pulled his hood off, revealing an absolutely handsome, strikingly perfect face, neither brutish nor effeminate, the optimal point of what an average (and most above and below the average) woman would wish for in a man. Chisame found herself open mouthed, her heart beating a few skips faster. Even the normally absent to love Hakase was staring with wide eyes, a soft pink gliding over her cheeks again.

"It's... It's him!" Negi cheered up emotionally. "My father!"

"I advise you to quit this insane quest," Nagi Springfield had spoken ominously. "No matter what you are planning to do, you will not succeed."

"It's just like I had imagined him!" Negi jumped up and down in place. "A brave hero with no fear, the mightiest mage of all! This is the happiest day of my life!"

Flashback-Eva laughed bitterly. "What are you going to do, a lone mage without a Partner, against both of us? HAH! CHACHAZERO! ON HIM!" she commanded while charging ahead.

"ON HIM, THROUGH HIM, ALL OVER HIS CHOPPED PARTS!" the doll crazily sing-sang following Evangeline at a speed that was rather surprising for something so small. "BLOOD AND GUTS, NO QUESTION, NO BUTS!"

However, The Hero did not seem bothered or concerned at all. He simply gave a step back, quietly examining the ground at his feet.

"You're too slow, Boya!" the vampiress grinned, reaching for him with a hand full of crimson fingernails. "Give yourself in at last! BE MINE!"

"DAD!" Negi attempted to run at them, just as Evangeline and the puppet closed in for the kill...

But right then, both of them fell into a huge sandtrap that had remained hidden at the ground until the woman set foot on it.

"Eh...?" Negi stopped in mid-step.

"GAHH!" Evangeline gasped for air, as she poked her head out of the sand. "What... What is the meaning of this?"

"It's a trap, Master!" the tiny homunculus struggled to drag herself out of the sand, her short arms proving to be quite unfitting for the task.

"I know that, you idiot!" the blonde shouted at her.

"Ah, ha ha ha ha!" Negi's father laughed from above. "If only they could see you now! What a joke! The terror of Mundus Vetus, reduced to a laughingstock in a hole! But let's spice this up, don't you think? Here, have a feast on my account!" With those words, he unloaded the content of a huge sack he had been keeping near to into the pit.

"What...?" Evangeline blinked several times, right before a storm of garlic and onions fell on her face and all over her body, nearly burying her under them. "NO! I hate those things! Stop it, you maniac!"

"Stop? Why should I?" he asked. "All children in mid-growth need this in their diets! Here, drink some soup as well!" He poured the contents of a huge cauldron he also had at hand at his makeshift camp into the hole, showering his attackers with a flood of smelly and hot garlic soup. "I was researching into your weaknesses, kid! And I don't like to study on anything, so you'd better believe I'm mad at you!"

Negi, Chisame and Hakase were all staring in stunned silence. Finally, the scientist asked, "Is this a standard procedure for a magical battle against the undead?"

"I... I don't know what to believe anymore..." their teacher meeped out weakly.

**Act Eight:**

"Hold on, Master!" the doll shrieked and shrilled flailing her arms around, splashing sand and soup everywhere around, only succeeding at burying herself even deeper into the muddy result. "I'll save you! And then we'll stab 'im in the face!"

"Agh! I can't!" Evangeline gasped for air, her breath becoming erratic. "Stop! You fiend!"

But the mysterious man just laughed at them, agitating the liquid with his staff. Until his prey couldn't take it anymore, and with a yell, her body shrank down to a petite size, the one the three visitors recognized as that of their vampirical acquaintance.

"It IS Evangeline after all!" Chisame said.

"We might be on the trail of the secret for eternal youth here!" Satomi's glasses fogged up with excitement. "I would be lauded as the greatest benefactor to mankind ever if I isolated that!"

"No, Master!" Chachazero was all but crying. "You have ran out of magical power!"

"Hah, ha ha ha!" Nagi laughed from above. "What will everyone say when they learn the queen of all vampires is nothing but a skinny brat? Here, eat more!" he bombarded her down with even more onions.

"I told you to stop it, cretin!" the now childish Evangeline wailed, her face deeply red. "You... You are a cheating coward! Aren't you the Master of a Thousand Deadly Spells! You should use them in battle! Like any mage with honor would!"

He stopped his laughter, sneering down at her. "Me? I'll pass! To be honest, I barely memorized more than half a dozen spells...I never was big on studying!"

Negi's jaw hit the floor.

Chisame looked at her teacher. "You already learned far more than that, didn't you?"

Hakase patted him on a shoulder. "Congratulations. You have surpassed him this early in your life."

"THAT ISN'T WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!" Negi practically bawled.

"What?" Evangeline was gulping.

"I left the magic academy because I didn't like those boring geezers and their tests" Nagi yawned carelessly. "What? You shocked, kiddo?"

Evangeline pouted. "I don't understand you, Thousand Master! Why to escape the chances to learn more about magic? With your raw power, you could be the next Sorcerer Supreme! And with me at your side, it would be even easier! Why do you keep on running away from me? Together, we could rule over all we can set our sights on!"

"Meh. I don't like flat chested children," the handsome mage made a disgusted face.

"A child? You fool! I'm more than 100 years old!" the vampiress screamed.

"A flat chested old mummy! Even worse!" the man seemed about to vomit.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT ON MY FACE!" Mc Dowell howled.

"Keep a grip on yourself, Master!" Chachazero begged.

"Okay, enough of games," Nagi grew serious. "I'll let you go only if you promise to leave me alone and stop attacking innocents."

"NEVER!" Evangeline cringed her fangs defiantly.

"Oh, is that so?" the Thousand Master chuckled creepily. "Welllll, then I have no choice. I'll have to subject you to one of the most hideous spells ever created..."

"What?" Eva blinked, feeling a gigantic amount of energy flowing around the man. "What do you intend to—"

He had pulled a spell book out of somewhere and lazily read through it, "Ummm... Where was it... I think the old fool at Mahora needed a guardian or something... It should be around here... Ah, yes. Here. _Man Man Terro Terro_..."

If she had been asked later, Chisame couldn't have honestly said what the hell was said afterward since she didn't know a single word of Latin, but judging from Negi and Hakase's expressions, it had to be something horrible and very fearsome, enough to make even the Mc Dowell girl to waver in terror.

"It's the end, Master!" Chachazero was screaming.

"No, it can't be!" Evangeline still attempted to get away. "You are worse than a demon, Thousand Master! Mark my words! You will regret this day! You will—"

"INFERNUS SCHOLASTICUS!" he shouted, aiming his staff at her, blasting the Nosferatu with a flood of crackling and sparkling arcane energies, making her to yell and convulse frantically.

"NOOOOOOOO—"

"—OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Evangeline woke up sitting up with a start, panting madly, her eyes going from closed to fully open in an almost grotesque fashion in half a second. It was only after her scream died down she noticed she was at her own bedroom, on her bed, with Hasegawa and Hakase looking tired and sitting near her. "What? W-What are you two doing here?"

"Um, we were... not doing anything, actually. Just killing time until Chachamaru comes back," Chisame groaned, staring aside, determined to not saying anything about their recent trip.

"She went out to buy medication for you," Satomi informed. "It shouldn't take her long to come back."

"I feel fine now," Mc Dowell mumbled, before pointing down at the exhausted looking boy sleeping with his chin resting on her lap. "Take this thing off me, right at this instant."

"Huh?" Negi blinked, coming back to himself. "Eh? Oh, oh, s-sorry, Evangeline-san!" He quickly straightened up. "I guess I was too tired from the classes, and—"

The blonde waved a hand at him. "I don't care. I had some fever and a bad dream, that's all. I don't need your pity or care. But... you three showed some courage coming here, so... I will not dispose of you today" she huffed. "You'd better walk away with your lives while you can."

"You have a strange way to say 'thanks', but I'll accept it" Satomi stood up and bowed. "We will see you later."

"You can bet you will" Eva nodded slowly, but not really angry for now.

Chisame nodded as well, mechanically, starting to follow Negi and Satomi outside.

But then, the cottage's owner noticed the leftover energies around herself. She recognized the remains of the spell's pattern. And her voice grew deep and threatening again. "You tadpole..."

"Huh...?" Negi stopped abruptly, sweating very, very cold.

Eva stood up on the bed, her hair beginning to stand up around herself. "You little upstarts... What have YOU been doing to meeee...?"

Chachamaru was walking back through the peaceful woods with several full bags in her hands when she heard the screams coming from the cottage.

"I'LL SKIN YOU ALL ALIVE! I'LL HANG YOUR HEADS OVER MY CHIMNEY!"

"IT WASN'T MY IDEA! HAKASE IS THE ONE TO BLAME!"

"EVANGELINE, PLEASE LOWER THAT THING DOWN OR I'LL CONTACT THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES!"

"EVANGELINE-SAN, PLEASE, RECONSIDER! THESE ARE YOUR CLASSMATES!"

The robot mused to herself with a calmed, softly pleased voice. "Ah. Like I thought. They could make her to feel better..."

For a brief moment, she almost looked like she was smiling.

 **NEXT CHAPTER:** The Ghost and the Shut-In!


	13. Lesson 10: Double Feature

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

 _Full Metal Panic_ and all its characters belong to Gato Shoji and Fujimi Shobo.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Again, a lot of thanks to all my reviewers and contributors here and at the message boards I frequent. You guys and gals just rule.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER TEN.**

**The Light at the End of the Tunnel, Act One:**

It had been three days since then.

"You can go ahead, Hasegawa-san," Negi had happily said after classes were over. "I'll stay for a little longer reviewing these assignments."

"Are you sure?" she asked, Hakase and Chachamaru gone by now. "Hmph, fine. Just remember to be at home before nightfall. I still don't trust Evangeline."

"Oh, come on," he laughed her concern off gently. "She has cleaned her course now. She has even returned to classes since then, and there haven't been any more reports of attacks, right?"

"Still not trusting," she insisted, then shrugged her shoulders. "If not for her, then be there early because I'll kick your butt if you don't, do you understand?"

He pouted. "That's no way to talk to your teacher..."

"No, but it's a way to talk to an unruly child. Bye," the girl walked out of the classroom without looking back. "I'll buy something for our dinner at Chao's on my way home, if you really need a good incentive" she calmly sweetened the deal before turning around a corner of the halls and disappearing from sight. Negi noticed the fast pace of her steps; no doubt she wanted to get home quickly and do a Chiu session before Chamo returned from his panty raid of the day.

Once alone, the boy drew in a deep breath. He rolled his sleeves up, grabbed his staff from the corner he kept it at, and walked with it to the middle of the empty class.

Well, mostly empty.

With an eager and nervous look on her face, Aisaka Sayo floated to meet him there, twiddling her vaporous fingers together. "D-Do you really think it will work?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"I am almost positive," he replied with a comforting nod of his head. "I researched on some of the tomes I brought from Merdiana Academy, and even consulted Chamo on it."

"Who's Chamo?" Sayo asked.

""Hum... a friend of mine," Negi chuckled. "He's a bit... eccentric, but a great fellow deep down. Anyway, I have been working on this spell for a few days now, and I think I should have it mastered now. We only need to test it for real."

"I don't know," the ghost whimpered. "I-I don't want to doubt you, but if it hasn't been tested yet, couldn't it h-harm me?"

"Relax, please," he asked her soothingly. "It's okay. Only offensive Astral Magic spells can hurt spirits. Even the exorcisms, and this has nothing to do with them, only can transport them away. And even if this comes out wrong, you will receive no harm at all. I guarantee it."

She smiled and nodded, eased by his promise. "Ahhh, that's a relief! Then let's do it, please!".

"Okay!" he grinned happily, then placed his staff over her head. "Rastel Maskir Magister. Teru Ma Amorista. Gate of the Spirit World, loosen your grip over this soul. Allow her presence to show itself to the eyes of the Magi. I ask thee in this hour, further her advance amidst the living! Walker of the Light, out of the Darkness!"

Then Sayo felt herself filled by a radiant and warm light that made her 'heart' to soar. She felt a new degree of solidity to herself; while far from that of a physical shape, she even could see the colors as brighter now, and she sensed some added sense of weight into her person.

"Waaaiiii! I think it has worked, Sensei!" she chirped with glee.

"I'm glad!" he smiled. Then he informed her, "With this, mundanes still won't be able to see you, but mages, and those who derive magical power from sorcerers, like Ministra Magi, will see and hear you, not only Kasuga-san and me. You are going to make a lot of new friends!" he offered. At least Evangeline-san and Chao-san, he thought. With any luck, she could bring Eva further out of her shell.

"Yayyy!" Sayo cheered. "But, oh, wait. Won't this bring us some problems? Do you think your fellow teachers will agree?".

Negi froze in the spot immediately.

He KNEW he had been forgetting some detail.

"W-Well..." he started to sweat. "I guess it'll be okay if you keep yourself out of their sight. It's not like the magically aware ones are going to enter without any warning at any given—"

Then the classroom's room was slammed open from the outside, heralding Itoshiki Nozomu's rushed entrance, scaring Negi nearly to death. "NEGI-SENSEI!" the tall thin man yelled. "I BRING HIDEOUS, DESPAIRING NEWS! HASEGAWA-SAN TOLD ME YOU'D BE HERE—"

"I-I-Itoshiki-sensei!" Negi quickly spun around, attempting to shield Sayo with his back, just as the spectre cowered behind him. "M-May I help you with something?"

The older teacher stopped, looking at the ghostly figure badly attempting to hide behind a child much shorter than her. "As a matter of fact, yes," the suicidal dark mage said in a flatly awkward tone. "You could begin by telling me, is that a ghost you are hiding from me?"

"Hm... no," the boy shook his head vehemently.

"Because I am seeing it now," Nozomu insisted.

"Wh-Where?" Negi stammered.

"Attempting to crouch down behind your back, which I think might work better if she had any actual legs," Itoshiki said.

"Um, she's just... shy. And an albino. That explains her pale skin and lack of color of hair, see?" the child lamely stated.

"She has no legs," Itoshiki repeated itself.

"A tragic accident..." Negi whined pitifully.

"..." Mr. Despair stared blankly at them.

"..." his much younger colleague averted the stare as best as he could.

"I don't doubt this has been a tragic accident, indeed," the man finally stated, his voice unchanged.

Negi felt himself as dead as Sayo then.

**The Light at the End of the Tunnel, Act Two:**

"P-p-P-p-Please don't exorcise me! And don't turn Negi-sensei into an ermine, either!" Sayo bursted out into ectoplasmic tears. "Have mercy, creepy man-san!"

"Wh-What-san?" Nozomu babbled.

"I'll go away and never come back if you want so!" the ghost wailed. "But don't punish Negi-sensei! He and Kasuga-san are the only two people who have ever tried to help me! Oh, no! Now I have involved her as well! Forget I said that! To be honest, I wasn't talking about Kasuga Misora! It was another Misora! No, I mean another Kasuga! Who doesn't study here!"

"Please forgive her, Sir!" Negi stepped in. "Her name's Aisaka Sayo, and she has been invisible to everyone at this Academy for the last sixty years! I, I just tried to give her some happiness! I beg you, don't hold that against us!"

Itoshiki sighed. "We all would fall into serious disgrace if this becomes public knowledge, so I won't divulge it," he relented. "But do try to keep her away from all our colleagues, will you? Regardless, Aisaka-san..."

"Y-Yes?" the spirit sniffed her tears back.

"I intend to join the afterlife in the near future," he calmly informed. "How is it, from your experience? It cannot be any worse than the tortures of the living world, but exactly how less distasteful is it?"

"... I have only wandered through this campus for all this time," Sayo finally replied, meekly. "I haven't ever seen anything like Heaven or Hell..." she shuddered visibly, "... nor any other ghosts, angels or demons. So I suppose it is... mostly like your life?"

The man slummed his head down. "I should have expected it! These cursed grounds are like a trap, binding us to them! For the likes of me, there is no escape, no relief, at any world at either side of the mortal line! DESPAIR!" he yelled. "The idea of being chained to this school for all eternity after my demise fills me with DESPAIR!"

He lifted his head back up. "Ah, yes, Negi-sensei. Arai-sensei, the psychological counsellor, wishes to talk with both of us."

"Really? Why?" the child teacher asked.

"Because we have a serious problem student at Class 2-F," the beautiful, elegant Arai Chie, a shapely woman in her late twenties, with short black hair and perfectly manicured fingernails, looked at her notepad minutes after that, sitting crosslegged at her office before Negi, Nozomu and Sayo. The ghost girl still was invisible to the supernaturally untrained eyes of the psychotherapist. "Her name is Komori Kiri, and she has refused to attend classes ever since the new term started, two weeks ago. She already gave serious signs of reclusive tendences last year, but never to this degree. I attempted to talk with her this Monday, but I couldn't reach to her; she is stubborn and unwilling to cooperate. However, since you apparently have managed some level of success on helping Hakase-san and Hasegawa-san to socialize more with others, I thought of asking for your help with this situation, Negi-sensei. Would you be willing to do it?".

"Naturally!" Negi nodded bravely.

"That's a relief to hear," Chie smiled. "Itoshiki-sensei will show you the way to her rooms."

"I already have enough with my own distressing problems, sorry," Nozomu politely refused while installing a hangman's noose on the roof of the office, with his back now turned on them. "I can't possibly be of any help. And besides, even if I would suvive this, I have a bath at a private alligator pit and an early dinner with stricnine and arsenic lined up for this afternoon."

Then Arai-sensei sneaked around to look at his face, giving him an up close and personal piercing glare.

It made even Negi's skin to crawl all over. Despite its lack of anything supernatural about it, and even though the rest of her face being completely unchanging, not even scowling at all, that glare was one of the most fearsome things he ever had seen.

Poor Itoshiki didn't have a chance.

"O-Of course, I could take a couple of hours out of my suicide agenda..." he babbled nervously.

Chie-sensei smiled sweetly anew. "It pleases me to hear that!"

"There are a million things far worse than death, Negi-sensei" the grownup explained minutes afterward, as the two of them and Sayo reached the doors of Komori's place. "Arai-sensei holds the keys to most of them."

"Scary..." the ghost trembled.

They were greeted by Komori's roommate, a teenager with a modest thin build and very short black hair named Tsunetsuki Matoi. For some reason or another, she was wearing a boy's school uniform, and her voice was uneven and agitated, as that of an addict on withdrawal.

"Kiri-chan never leaves, no matter what" she explained, pointing at their bedroom's door. "She hates sunlight, but mostly open spaces. I can't be expected to drag her to school. No time for that. I have a relationship to keep with my boyfriend. If I don't spend all of my time with him, he'll leave me!" she ranted paranoidly. "I leave this in your hands. I must go to see him. I'll ask him out on a date. Yes. Yes. That. Good luck!" she quickly bolted away out the front door.

Negi just kept on staring in the direction she had taken, with his eyes turned into tiny black spots. "What... What is wro— happening with her?" he asked.

"Tsunetsuki-san is a chronic stalker," Itoshiki answered. "She changes boyfriends often; once she has found a new romantic obsession, she latches onto the unfortunate young man's life and starts copying his habits, his hobbies, his customs and his clothing style. Plus, she follows them around at all hours and places."

"What?" Negi gasped.

"Yes, my class is sadly full of such misfits and maniacs!" Nozomu lamented loudly. "They are my shame, although fitting someone as low as me! And yet, what wouldn't I give for a normal class like yours, Negi-sensei!" he confided in another annoying outburst.

"We... We are normal?" Sayo blinked blankly, pointing an index finger at her own chest. "... Us?"

**The Light at the End of the Tunnel,** **Act Three:**

Both teachers stood before the thick door to the girls' bedroom, with Sayo floating right behind them. They all remained still and silent for a few moments until Negi gathered the courage to step ahead and gently knock on the door.

"Komori-san?"

No one gave him any reply.

"Komori Kiri-san?" he tentatively repeated.

"GO AWAY!" a female voice shouted angrily from inside.

Finally, Itoshiki sighed and bothered to speak. "Komori-san, we are your teachers. We have been commissioned to see you attend your lessons!"

"Leave me alone!" the voice yelled back.

"Ugugugu..." Sayo shrank back, putting her hands together over her own chest. "She sounds so scary, she must be a horrible person..."

"Please, Komori-san" Negi attempted to negotiate. "It's only for your own good. At least tell us why you don't want to—"

"That school is not a safe place! It's... It's... It's full of people!" the unseen girl screamed.

All three of them blinked.

"I don't get your point," Negi flatly admitted.

"I hate people! Especially weird people like you all! I heard from Matoi you were a child teaching classes and a suicidal madman! And I've seen even worse people out there! Even the Principal looks like an alien!"

Negi's eyes widened. "Konoemon-sensei?"

"Well, his head IS somewhat strangely shaped," Itoshiki conceded. "I'd kill myself if I had one like that."

"And he dresses like he's at China two centuries ago," Komori's voice agreed.

"And he smells sort of funny as well," Nozomu nodded.

"His voice is weird, too," Komori added.

"And the way he looks at Shizuna-sensei when he thinks no one else is looking..." Nozomu made a disgusted face.

"Sensei, aren't you just adding more fuel to her fire?" Sayo wondered.

"Regardless, Komori-san, even if they all are strange, annoying, rude, crass, bothersome, despairing, irritating, abnormal, unbearable and unsympathetic, they still are your classmates and teachers!" the adult went on. "Step out of that room immediately, please!"

"NO!" she stubbornly insisted. "I'll never leave with so many freaks outside!"

Nozomu shook his head. "She makes Hasegawa-san to look positively well adjusted."

"No joking," Negi marveled. "What will we do now?".

"I don't know. We can't just break in; we'd be accused of intimacy violation. But at the same time, we will be the object of scorn and disapproval if we fail at such a basic mission. Then again, I am used to it..." Itoshiki mused.

"It'd help if we knew exactly what are the exact conditions in there" Negi attempted to think of a solution. "But how..."

"I-I'll go in," Sayo offered herself.

The boy looked at her. "Are you sure, Aisaka-san?"

"Y-Yes!" she nodded. "I must pay you back for helping me to meet Kasuga-san and Itoshiki-sensei! I can go in even if you can't!"

Nozomu nodded. "She is right. And besides, she will not be seen or heard, so she will not disturb our troublesome pupil" he whispered.

Negi nodded back, then smiled at his student. "Okay, Aisaka-san! Thank you very much!"

Sayo smiled with awkward enthusiasm. "I'll do my best for you!"

"I'm sure you will," the child mage confidently said.

As both teachers watched her passing through the door and into the bedroom, Itoshiki seemed to have an idea. He looked down at Negi and said, "I also believe I might find more clues about Komori-san's condition if I look through the rest of the rooms. You stay here and watch over the door in case she decides to come out."

"Okay," the boy agreed, not suspecting anything.

Satisfied at the result of his words, Nozomu headed for the kitchen, and once he was out of Negi's sight, he began looking into the cabinet of knives. With a quiet morbid fascination, his gaze fell upon them, carefully measuring each one with a clinic eye.

"It must be as painless as possible, yet also sharp enough to do it decisively quick..." he told himself. "However, I must leave as little of a stain on their floor as I can. Oh, decisions, decisions... Maybe the saw-edged one? No, far too messy..."

Meanwhile, Sayo floated through the darkened room, gulping and cringing in the deadly silence of the warm (perhaps too warm) place. It was eerily quiet, except for the corner from where she could hear a few tiny sobs.

There it was, with its back turned to her, a slim figure wrapped in a huge and thick red blanket, with long jet black hair covering its features. A pair of pale bare feet peeked out from under the blanket. The person was sitting there, surrounded by a few magazines, a portable TV, some empty bottles of soda and a mess of discarded clothes.

Sayo's ghostly teeth clattered, as she drank on the creepy appearance of the room's inhabitant. She was about to turn tail and run out when she was paralyzed by panic at seeing the hermit lifting her head up in alarm, staring in her direction with haunted eyes.

"Who's there?" Komori Kiri asked in a choked, shocked voice which quickly became a shrill shriek.

The most hideous thing in the world had just appeared at the middle of her bedroom; a shapeless shadow with a long white mane, and deep red eyes like those of a demon. "THE D-DEVIL!" she was terrified.

"YOU ARE?" Sayo, in her own terror, mistook it for an introduction. "N-N-N-NEGI-SENSEI! SAVE ME!" she broke out into wailing tears again.

"THE BANSHEE SCREAM!" Komori rushed to cover her own ears with her hands. "IT'S THE SIGN OF DEATH!"

"SHE HAS JUST THREATENED ME WITH DEATH! NEGI-SENSEIIIII!"

"Hold on, Aisaka-san!" Negi shouted from outside, readying his staff to blow the door down. He had no idea of what was happening in there, but no time to ponder it, either. However, before he could conjure a spell, the door slammed open from inside and smashed him against a wall. "Uguuuuu!"

"IDONWANTTODIEIDONTWANTTODIE!" Komori ran out of the room as quick as her legs could carry her.

As a groggy Negi slumped down to the floor, Sayo tackled him in a hug and buried her tearful face into his chest. "It was the scariest thing I've ever seen...!" she bawled. "Help me, Sensei...!"

"Si St Er..?" he gurgled. "i Do N'tt Thh I Nk i Wan TO go TO skOOl twODay..."

**The Light at the End of the Tunnel,** **Act Four:**

Itoshiki was so absorbed into the comparison and analysis of the sharp instruments of death and cooking aligned before him, he didn't even actually register on the screams of panic and anguish coming from the other rooms.

Neither did he really notice when Komori Kiri ran into the kitchen looking for any hideout that wouldn't demand her to actually leave the house.

"Help me! Help me!" she screamed as she ran straight towards... and into... him, to tackle him with a frantic hug from behind, toppling him over the knives' cabinet. "Save me from the hordes of Hell!"

Nozomu gasped as he lost balance, falling facefirst into a veritable collection of large and small knives, the kind of collection only a devoted obsessive stalker would amass. For a moment he just laid there, motionless, surrounded by sharp edges, with a sobbing girl clinging to his back.

Then, miraculously spared for some reason from being stabbed by any knife, he sprang back to his feet, turned around to face the young woman, and shouted at her, "WHAT IF I HAD DIED?"

"KYA!" Komori backed away quickly, crouching down at a corner like a corralled animal. She turned her face away and began to cry, nearly hysterical. "Why... Why do these things happen to me? I, I wasn't doing anything bad! All I wanted was to be left alone... at peace..."

Negi and Sayo had entered the kitchen, and mutely, they watched how Itoshiki's expression softened while looking at the girl who suffered at their feet.

"Out there, there are so many weird and fearsome things... Things no one else can see, and they told me I'm crazy..." Kiri continued sobbing pitifully. "It drives me mad, I can't cope with it... Why can't I stay here where I'm safe? What do I do to anyone with it...?"

"I understand," the adult teacher knelt down next to her. "It drives all of us insane. It's a harsh, cruel world. It is the way it is, and it won't change. But we must either live with it or die. No middle grounds."

He reached with his hands for the extremely long bangs of black hair covering her face. She attempted to resist, but before she could do anything, he already had moved her hair aside.

She looked at the three of them with huge tearful eyes, while a red coloring ran over her pale cheeks as her gaze met that of her Sensei.

"You're beautiful," Itoshiki said softly. "With such fair skin, as white as the purest snow."

He took his hands away, leaving her wordless. Negi simply stared without understanding. Sayo cooed to herself, swooning gleefully.

Komori stammered for a few moments without managing the words out, but then Nozomu calmly told her, "If you ever want to die, please tell me first."

Taking it as a sign of him valuing her life and promising to be there for her, the girl, the boy teacher and the spirit were all deeply moved.

"Ah..." Kiri sighed.

"Itoshiki-sensei..." Negi had stars in his eyes. "You are an inspiration to me..."

"I had misjudged you before...!" Sayo ran a sleeve over her own face, wiping her newfound tears off.

All the while, the adult ignored them, pulling a notebook out and adding Miss Komori to a short list of likely future suicide partners he had made.

The next day, Negi was finishing his classes with another study group, and he was walking back to 2-A to rejoin Chisame when he saw a miserable looking Itoshiki standing at the doors of 2-F.

"Itoshiki-sensei?" the child stopped in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"It's... Komori-san," Mr. Despair sighed heavily.

"She still hasn't shown up for classes, has she?" Negi asked with some pity.

"No, it isn't that!" the older teacher lamented. "She was here before anyone else this morning! I also got to learn what caused her problem in the first place! Apparently she has some sort of natural hyper-sensitivity to magical energies, which makes her to feel all the magical powers floating around Mahora, confusing and scaring her!"

"Ah, that explains why she could see Aisaka-san" Negi seemed satisfied at the explanation. After Eva and Chao had given no signs of seeing the ghost that morning, even though he suspected they were faking ignorance, he was starting to doubt the effects of his spell. "But then why are you so sad? I don't get it..."

Itoshiki opened the classroom's door for him. "Behold it by the means of your own eyes!"

Negi looked inside to see the empty classroom, only it was not exactly empty. Kiri and Sayo sat at the back of the room around a small kotatsu table, surrounded by several stacks of magazines, a portable TV, a cheap laptop, a radio, and a few boxes full with Komori's belongings.

Kiri was pouring two cups from a small teapot. "More tea, Sayo-chan?" she quietly asked.

The ghost smiled happily. "Yes, please!"

Komori smiled back, handing her one of the cups. "Enjoy it."

"I will! Thanks!" Sayo daintily held the cup and drank from it, the liquid falling right through her and spilling all across the floor. "Ahhh! It was delicious!"

"Instead of refusing to leave her room, she refuses to leave the classroom now!" Itoshiki slumped his head down.

" _Omni Initium Est Difficile_ , I guess," a large drop of sweat had appeared on top of Negi's head.

 **Deep Love,** **Act One:**

"A stalker?" Munakata Shiho blinked several times, astonished.

"It has to be!" the also short, thin, young girl sitting before her nodded vigorously. She wore thick round glasses, and her light brown hair was tied up into two huge pigtails. She still was wearing her school uniform, just like her taller, curvier, dark haired friend next to her. "That guy has done nothing but chasing Kana-chan around since he was transferred here!"

The four of them were sitting at the privacy of the Mahora Tatsumiya shrine, both mikos in training wearing their priestess outfits.

"Elaborate," Mana asked very calmly.

"It's nothing, actually," Chidori Kaname scoffed dismissively. "The guy's creepy, yeah, but harmless. He doesn't send love letters, he doesn't try to hit on me, nothing! He just follows me around from a distance, always from afar, never saying anything. And that's it."

"That's it?" Shiho scowled. "No way."

"Yeah, nothing else to it," the upperclasswoman shrugged. "Well, only one thing. Once, I got sick of him shadowing us, so I confronted him. He said he had no idea what was I saying, so I got angry and tried to punch him. But he blocked every punch as if it was nothing! I couldn't land a single blow on him. But he didn't strike back, he just blocked and then apologized and left. But by the next day he was following us again, only from a larger distance."

"Weirdo," Shiho put on a face of disgust.

"What does that have to do with us?" Mana was not amused. "Do you wish for a special prayer for your safety? That'll be 500 yen."

The geeky looking girl frowned at her. "Of course not. We know the rumors about you, Tatsumiya-san. They say you fix people's problems for a fee, like a mercenary. That even the Headmaster looks aside and lets you do that."

"What if it were true, Tokiwa Kyoko?" the taller, yet younger female fixed an icy glare on her. "Would you have the resources to afford my services if such were the case?"

Ignoring Kaname's weary sigh, Kyoko emptied her purse in front of Mana, a small hill of coins and bills falling between them. "Yes, I think I do."

With her interest just visibly piqued, Mana did not change her neutral expression, but her fingers moved quickly to count the money at a surprisingly fast pace. Then she shook her head. "It is not enough."

"WHAT?" Kyoko yelled. "Those were our savings of two months!"

"You are still two thousand yen short. Bodyguarding services are never cheap," the dark skinned girl was categorical.

"We only want you to scare that guy away!" Kyoko protested. "It shouldn't take you even a hour!"

"Are you insinuating I am some kind of... demon?" Mana asked flatly.

"Huh? Well, no, but—"

"Let it go, Kyoko" Kaname started to gather the money back. "I told you, we are perfectly able to look after ourselves. Let's just get back home, and they don't even have to see a single cent of this."

Shiho watched silently how her Oneesama's right eyebrow twitched just a bit. "Wait," Mana said.

Kaname stared evenly at her eyes. "For what?"

"We will accept that sum and two weeks of lunches as our payment," Tatsumiya replied.

"Too much," Kaname shook her head.

"One week of lunches, and you start calling us your sempais," the tall Miko offered, her voice still flat. "That's my final offer."

"You are joking!" Chidori snapped. "Why should we call you 'Sempai'? You may be taller than a skyscraper, but we still are two courses above you!"

"We'll take it!" her friend nodded.

"Kyoko!" Kaname exclaimed.

Her shorter companion gave her a begging look. "Please, Kana-chan! It's a small price to pay for some quietness and peace of mind!"

"I have a question" Mana looked at the bespectacled teen again. "You do seem awfully personal in your fear towards that classmate. Are you sure he isn't tailing you instead of your friend? You two are always together, after all."

"M-Me?" Kyoko put a hand over her own modest chest. "Heck, no! Why should he? I'm short, nerdy, and look like a kid! He must be after Kana-chan! After all, she's the popular, pretty and well liked one!"

Chidori-san rolled her eyes around. "Pfft. You say the silliest things."

Mana pondered that in silence for a moment, then nodded. "Fair enough. In that case, tomorrow after classes, make yourselves sure to draw him away from his dorm for at least two hours. To defeat the enemy, you must get to know him in depth first."

Shiho's body posture shifted to one of stiff discomfort. "Wait a second, Oneesama. Don't you mean..."

"I do," Mana dryly nodded.

Munakata whispered into her right ear. "Weren't we supposed to cover the case of the underwear thief?"

"Not anymore," Mana whispered back. "The Dean himself told me to leave it alone."

Shiho grumbled, then asked both visitors, "Haven't you tried to denounce that creep to the teachers?"

"We did" Kaname answered. "All we got were a few nervous laughs and being told we were being... paranoid."

"It was so weird," Kyoko put a a finger on her chin. "Like they almost were afraid or something."

Mana's eyes seemed to gain just the slightest hint of interest.

"Maybe he's the son of some really big fish," Kaname huffed. "Those guys think they own the world."

"No. Not them, exactly," Mana quietly observed.

"Huh?" the visitors looked back at her.

She made a vague sign with her head. "Never mind. Just follow my instructions to the letter. And remember, I like sweet beans with my lunch."

Kyoko scowled. "Sweet beans?"

Everyone was right; 2-A indeed was full of weirdasses.

 **Deep Love,** **Act Two:**

"Oneesama..." Shiho whined while nervously looking over her shoulder, "I still don't think we should be doing this... This is a boys-only dormitory! If we are caught—"

"All the neighboring rooms' inhabitants have been... convinced to allow us free access" her Sempai calmly replied while stepping to the front door. Shiho still pouted, though. The corridor they were at could have been unusually deserted now, and she of all people knew well about her superior's intimidating skills, but in their recent dealings with the neighbors, they had seemed just as afraid of that Sagara boy as they were of Mana herself.

Even so, Mana did not seem fazed at all while examining the door's lock. "Shiho," she dryly commanded. "Look at this."

The younger girl looked closely at it. "What the—? This isn't a normal lock at all!"

"No, it isn't, obviously" Mana stated with the briefest hint of irony. "It requires a fingerprint identification and optical scan, plus an access card, to grant entry. Its the kind normally used at military instalations. As such, it requires a highly special bypass measure."

She pulled a small device similar to a cube with a tiny drill and drove it pointfirst into the lock, jamming it quickly enough to drown the first sounds of an alarm into absolute silence.

"There. It should have hacked into the rooms' whole security system. Any traps not directly activated by human contact should have been rendered useless," Tatsumiya sedately observed. "But just in case, walk right behind me at all times and don't touch anything."

"Was that from Chao Lingshen?" Shiho asked, eyeing the little gizmo warily.

"From Chao Lingshen," Mana nodded only once.

The redhead tilted her face aside. "That girl will never stop creeping me out."

"Silence. Follow me," Mana pushed the door in, and it posed no resistance. They gave a single step in, Mana not turning the lights on, but using a lantern instead. Aiming the lantern's light in all directions revealed a few red laser beams set around the nearby doors, plus a few random spots on the floor that seemed to have some sort of faintly glowing mechanism hidden underneath them. "Don't step on any of them."

"I won't," Shiho could nothing but nodding.

They walked in deeper and deeper into the small home, which was decorated in an extremely Spartan and functional fashion. "Sagara Sousuke lives alone, which is rather unusual considering the high demand for housings at the Mahora area" Mana was relating without ever changing her business tone. "Look over there, at that window" she gestured at their left. "That building you see through it happens to be the female residence where Tokiwa and Chidori do habit. Judging from the angle, I'd feel safe guessing Sagara has a clear view of our contractors' quarters from there."

"What a pervert! And going so far for it, too!" Shiho whispered.

"Hmmm" the tanned girl made a thoughtful sound. Without adding anything else, she reached a door that had the most lasers around it. Pulling a small can of spray out, she bathed the laser generators with a strange white substance that turned them off immediately. Only then did Mana push that door open as well, and they saw what seemed to be their investigation subject's bedroom, a simple and humble enough room with nothing to write home about.

Except for the huge collection of weapons and fireams of all kinds stashed all around the closet, including hand grenades, hunting knives, cans of pepper gas, Magnums, a few stunguns, a shotgun or two or three, electric batons, brass knuckles, Swiss army knives, and even a slingshot.

The other oustanding thing was a wall full of tacked on, nailed on, stuck on and hanged on images of all sorts of Tokiwa Kyoko, ranging from official documents to carnet photos, but most of them were photographies of her in unsuspecting everyday situations all across the Mahora campus.

Shiho's pigtails stood up in point. "This guy's a murderous nutjob!" she cried. "No wonder Tokiwa-sempai was so worried! I never had seen anything like this! And she, not Chidori-sempai, was the target after all! You nailed it, but how— "

"Not Sempais, Shiho. They are our kohais now," Mana was unfazed, ignoring the weapons much to her assistant's puzzlement after giving them a brief but intense and knowledgeable gaze. Instead, she headed towards the wall covered with photos, carefully looking up and down at them.

Shiho stopped at her side. "I have heard of things like this before. It's a stalker shrine! Those wackos keep them to collect photographies and mementos from those they stalk. Tsunetsuki-sempai from 2-F is told to have a few of them at her home."

"I doubt this is a work born out of passion," Mana evenly pondered. "Chidori told us Sagara never carried cameras around, and never even took pics of them with his cellphone. Plus, look at these photographies, at this side. These ones are airbone, or at the very least taken from a high rooftop's height. You would need a helicopter for some of these angles. No, Sagara has not taken these photos. They are someone else's labor."

Shiho blinked. "You mean there are several psychos working together here? Like a demented fanclub?"

"Worse than stalkers and lovers, if I am not wrong" Mana, for the first time in the whole day, scowled deeply. "Far worse."

She quickly turned around and stomped her way back towards the door. "Out of here, fast! They must know we have entered. I'd bet on that, even with Chao's device breaking the main cameras down."

"They?" Shiho nearly ran after her. "Who are 'they?"

Tatsumiya's eyes narrowed dangerously. "That's what I'm going to ask him."

 **Deep Love,** **Act Three:**

Tatsumiya Mana stood alone, quiet and silent, under the shadow of the World Tree. The twilight was painting the Mahora landscape with a faint red heralding the upcoming night when Tokiwa and Chidori arrived to the meeting point, both looking rather puzzled and unnerved.

"We got your text message," Kaname mumbled, her voice tense. "So, why did you call us here, after all?". She crossed her arms and lightly tapped a foot on the grass.

Mana didn't reply until she saw her kouhai approaching from the opposite direction, with several paper wards in her hands. "Is the perimeter fully secured, Shiho?" the tanned female dryly asked her.

"Yes, Oneesama!" the small girl saluted. "Exactly like you wanted!"

"Good," Mana nodded before addressing her contractors. "As requested, we performed a background search on the subject. We made quite a few interesting discoveries, but we still need the final piece of the puzzle. And for that, we need your cooperation".

"Of... of course" Kyoko blinked, somewhat shocked at seeing the feared Tatsumiya so softly asking for their help. "What do we have to do?"

"Come closer," Mana gestured for them to approach. "This needs to be said in privacy."

Without any word of protest, both sempais advanced toward her. Only to fall squarely into a camouflaged pit trap five steps on their way.

"YOW! HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA HERE?" Kaname protested from the bottom of the hole, while Kyoko rubbed her aching head, sitting on her friend's stomach.

Never missing a beat, Mana simply and very quickly pulled an IMI Desert Eagle and trained it down on both of them, making them to loudly yelp in terror, while aiming another one in the direction they had come from. Behind her, Shiho simply sighed in resignation.

"Sagara Sousuke!" Mana called out with a stern, commanding tone. "Step out of your hiding! Or else, I make no promises about your charge's safety!"

"ARE YOUT OUT OF YOUR FLIPPING MIND?" Kaname angrily yelled. "WAIT UNTIL I PUT MY HANDS ON YOU—"

"Kuh-Kana-chan!" Kyoko cried. "Not while that thing's aimed at us, please!"

Mana ignored them, keeping her eyes fixed on the lone figure stepping out from behind some small trees, like a chameleon appearing out of nowhere. He was tall and handsome, with rebellious short black hair and a small cross shaped scar on the left side of his chin. He seemed merely two years older than her, but his cold jaded eyes spoke of a past as harsh as her own. He still was wearing the standard school uniform, well pressed and clean, even hours after classes were over.

"Shiho" the tall Miko ordered, with her voice never faltering at all. "Take cover."

"Y-Yes. Um, good luck, Oneesama!" the redhead gulped down, rushing to hide behind the gigantic trunk of the arcaic tree.

"Sagara-kun" Mana continued, not moving an inch. Neither did he. "I know your actions aren't moved by desire or lust. What, then, moves you to monitor Tokiwa Kyoko?"

"Ehhhhh?" the bespectacled girl raised her voice from below. "It can't be! I'm the one he's chasing? It has to be a mistake!"

He did not reply. Until Mana simply thrusted the gun's barrel down, making both of her prisoners to yell again.

"I'm not authorized to share that information" he flatly said then.

"You are not authorized to let any harm to befall her, either," Mana threatened, pointing further down once more.

"You will not shoot her" he simply said. "We do have files on you, too. We know you never have killed an innocent civilian."

"I could shoot her in a leg," Mana replied. "Would you be willing to accept that?"

"NO! NO!" Kyoko pleaded.

"TATSUMIYA!" Kaname howled. "I'M GOING TO GRAB YOUR NECK AND TWIST AND TWIST!"

"... No," Sagara finally relented.

"Then drop all your weaponry down and walk to me. Slowly. Without tricks," the mercenary lowly warned.

"Yes," he nodded stoically. Calmly, he reached into his shirt and pulled a handgun out, then dropped it aside. Then another handgun. And another one. By the fifth one, Shiho's peeking eyes resembled saucers.

"What are you doing there? Anwer me, dammit!" Kaname demanded at her lungs' top as the metallic sounds of handcuffs, knives, Berettas, small bombs, nunchucks and the occasional large sharp scissors hitting he grass continued out of the hole.

Even Mana was starting to disbelieve now, as she saw the little hill of weapons now at the boy's feet. "You have been... well backed up," she admitted.

"Yes. I have."

"Come closer, then. Slow. Step by step. That's it. Keep your hands high, and walk in a straight line..."

Then it happened, in a fraction of a blink of an eye.

It came as a glint of metal popping out of his right sleeve. Springing up as a Jack-in-the-Box into his expecting right hand, the Glock was visibly for only the briefest fraction of time before he jumped aside, dodging the first bullet just in time and shooting the gun off Mana's hand. Cursing inwardly, the Miko rolled aside as well, drawing a second identical weapon out at superhuman speed, shooting back a few times. The fire exchange had started, with both adversaries taking refuges behind bushes while Kyoko shrieked and Kaname forcefully pushed her head down, shielding her down with her own body.

"Tatsumiya!" Sagara warned. "Flee this area at once! The sounds of gunfire will surely attract onlookers you are sure to have to answer to!"

She smiled even though their current positions meant he couldn't see her face. "I don't think so. We have taken... some precautions in that regard."

From her own hideout, Shiho couldn't help but smile. Her Oneesama had acknowledged her contributions! That always made her happy. When it happened. Which was not often.

Then her happiness sank down like a dead weight when she noticed he could see her from his own current position. And he had just raised his gun to aim it at her pigtailed head.

"The hostage situation has changed," he dryly announced. "Surrender your weapons and state your intentions and backers before any harm befalls your accomplice."

"Shiho!" Mana breathed. Her voice, finally, had gained just a shade of alarm to it.

"YOU BOTH ARE #$%€ MAD!" Chidori yowled from inside the trap. She couldn't see all what was happening, but she had a good idea about it from its sounds.

Shiho just pouted childishly and wailed. "YATAGARASU! HELP ME!"

"Who?" Sagara asked.

Then it fell from above, swooping down from the tree's branches, like a huge black blur, a whirlwind of furious feathers and a frantic pointy peak stabbing at him. To his credit, he didn't move at all from his spot, ignoring the sudden attack enough to keep the weapon trained on the kouhai, barely using his other arm to try and shake the obscuring, more annoying than anything else, dark bird off. But that was all Mana needed.

Jumping from her hiding place, she shot the Glock off Sagara's hand, then rushed at him to catch him with a punch to the stomach. He recovered in a flash, countering with a punch to her face, but she quickly blocked, then dodged the knife jumping out of his left sleeve and into his hand, threatening to stab her in a flank. She twisted the wrist forcing him to drop the blade, but that allowed his other hand to land a blow on her head. Completely unfazed, she headbutted him, and then, with nearly demonic maniac strength, pummeled him several times with both fists, knocking him down to the dirt.

Not giving him any chance to recover, she slammed a foot down on his chest and locked her gun's sight into his face.

"If I wanted you dead, I'd have shot you right after Shiho distracted you. In the future, I advise you to steer clear from my apprentice" she threatened, back to her flat business intonation. "But that doesn't mean I can't shoot now if I'm not convinced you aren't a menace to our lives. Which agency did send you? The JSSDF? CIA? S.H.I.E.L.D.? A.I.M.? Checkmate?"

"I have no authorization to disclose such information," he spoke, completely unafraid. "I only can tell you my name and serial number."

"I advice you to talk. Because your cover's already blown up. And you can't continue following your charge without explaining her... and us... why is it for. Do you wish for your mission to fail so much?"

He remained in a total, unreadable silence for several long and tense moments before talking again.

"Mithril."

"Mithril!" Mana repeated with what almost seemed surprise. "What's their interest on Tokiwa?"

"I haven't been informed, and if I had been, all I would be authorized to say is I haven't been informed."

He reached back for his gun, handing it to Tatsumiya. "I haven't been deployed at these grounds to use lethal force unless extremely necessary. THESE bullets aren't the standard models."

"Neither are mine," Mana admitted. "Mahora doesn't employ murderers."

"Geez, I thought I was going to die!" Shiho yelled at them both. "Mana-Oneesama, you baka!" Then she sobbed petting the head of the old, one eyed and huge crow now perched on her own right shoulder. "Isn't she, Yatagarasu? Of course she is!"."Hello...?" Kaname said in a grim and moody tone from down below. "We are still here, remember...? If you bring us out right now, I won't push for a death sentence for you psychos..."

 **Deep Love,** **Act Four.**

Shiho took a final look over her shoulder as she walked after her Sempai, watching Tokiwa and Chidori sorting out their (many, many and them some many more) questions to Sagara. Chidori had just pulled a paper fan out and started to whack the boy over the head with it in her exhasperation. He wasn't fighting back.

"Are you sure they'll be okay?" she asked with hesitation.

"They will," Mana said with no evident emotion. "We accomplished our mission, and the reasons for his behavior aren't our concern from now on. That story is not our own."

"I don't understand you" Munakata admitted. "First you were so adamant on questioning him, and now you just wash your hands off?"

"I learned all I needed to. Beyond that point, questioning him isn't an intelligent thing for us. Maybe for them, since it involves them directly. But I call my leave on that research. If the Dean trusted Sagara to act here, I'll respect his wishes."

"The Dean could have told you, though..."

Mana shrugged casually. "We are nothing but servants of the mission. Ours is not to question, but to follow on our contracts' guidelines."

The smaller girl frowned, keeping her eyes low, but she said nothing. For a few minutes they kept on walking in silence, heading back to their rooms, until they passed next to the Chao Bao Zi. Its lights were still turned on.

"Hey, Mana-Oneesama."

"What?"

"Wanna stop for a quick after dinner snack? Those sandwiches we ate while waiting for the Sempais to show up just weren't enough!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? They are our kouhais now."

"Sorry."

"As for the meal, I'll pass on it. After all, we don't want our appetite to be spoiled for tomorrow, do we?"

For that once, she allowed herself a wide, smug and real smile.

"I'm going to make sure we have the best lunches of our lives for this whole week," she confided.

 **Deep Love,** **Epilogue.**

 **From the Journal of Chao Lingshen**.

 _As expected, Evangeline Mc Dowell showed up shortly after closing time, just as I was conferencing with my scout. I told my ally to wait on the back, behind the kitchen, while I dispatched Sat-chan away and went to meet the witch myself_.

 _She looked sulking and moody, her eyes hostile and reluctant, yet also hopeful in a way. She clearly didn't want to be there, but she had no choice. She had come to ask for help_.

 _"Lingshen" she didn't bother to be polite. "Your colleague has stolen Chachamaru away from me"_.

 _"I had heard so, yep" I nodded, while keeping the happy and bubbly face of a trickster. "What did you do to deserve it?"_.

 _"What does that matter? We three had an agreement! Chachamaru would be mine to keep forever! I want her back!"_.

 _"Don't you already have enough servants as it is-ne?" I feigned an innocent yawn_.

 _"Chachamaru is... impossible to replace" she had to admit. "And... and it just isn't right. Hakase literally forced her to follow them. She never gave her any option!"_.

_"And you ever did?"_ _I questioned, allowing just a bit of harshness to show. I attempted to show a playful hint into it to counter. I'm almost sure I didn't succeed._

_"Don't try to trick me with side questions, Lingshen" she hissed. "That's irrelevant. What matters now is Hakase broke the pact between us. Don't attempt to protect her just because she's your friend"_.

 _"And because she's my friend, I know she wouldn't betray her word without a serious reason behind it-yo" I pointed. "What did you force Chachamaru to do?"_.

 _Eva fumed, indignant. The galls I had, daring to demand explanations from her, HER, the Queen of Dusk, the Immortal Sorceress. She craned her neck towards me, looking straight into my eyes. "I'm not in any obligation to tell you that"_.

 _"Then" I calmly countered, "I am in no obligation to give you any counter to Satomi's override-ne"_.

 _Her eyes widened. What a figurative slap to her face! Having something denied from her! I could feel the emotions warring inside of her; the desire to take it by force versus the wish to negotiate, to bend me to her will in a subtler, yet more definitive way_.

 _"Honor your word" she finally said, her tone low and threatening_.

 _"I never lie" I seriously said. "And I said I wouldn't ever steal control of Chachamaru... but I made the same promise to Satomi"_.

 _I stood up and walked back to the secret room, then walked out with a small disc. "So I will take a third way. The honorable one-yo. The one I should have taken from the start, maybe. Let Chachamaru to decide her own destiny. Satomi or you. Or neither one"_.

 _I handed her the disc. "A free will module. It will nullify any override program implanted into her, but also will mean you can't just force her to do anything with your verbal commands-yo. Are you willing to trust her with that? Do you really care enough about her-ne?"_.

 _She looked at the object with a mix of confusing repressed emotions. I waited, until she finally nodded. "Yes. I do. In any case, I will be able to see her for what she really is. Either an ally or a traitor. I will know for real"_.

 _"I can tell you now, if you want" I offered. "She is no traitor"_.

 _Eva smirked, giving me that look. "And you?"_.

 _I smiled back, with just a hint of sadness. "I don't know"_.

 _Evangeline stood up. "I must be going. I will reward you properly later"_.

 _"Don't bother" I said. "I don't do this for any payment"_.

 _She looked at me, then nodded. Then she walked out into the night, her steps never doing any sound at all_.

 _I remained where I was, motionless and silent, until my scout stepped out of the back, a fist perched on a hip. "Are you sure you made a wise move there?"_.

 _I made a wider smile and turned around to face her. "It's something he needs to do, Natsuki-chan. A test he needs to pass. And he'll never learn anything if his teacher can't use all the tools at her avail-ne?"_.

 _Kuga Natsuki-chan scoffed. "I'll never understand your interest on that boy. He's just a newbie. He can't possibly cast any light onto what we—"_.

 _"He can't help you to find what you look for, Natsuki-chan. At least, maybe he can't. But he holds the keys of all I'm hoping to find out"_.

 _The girl seemed uneasy, distrustful, even more than usual. She always wanted to know more, to know everything, just like her mother. That's why I had recruited her. But it was a double edged sword. She wanted to know more about me, too. And that just couldn't be_.

 _"Fine. Have it your way" she muttered, walking for the door as well, her hips gracefully swinging around with energetic natural sensuality. "As long as our ultimate goals do coincide..."_.

 _"They will" I promised again. "Just remember keeping close stabs on Negi-bouzou. At any time I can't look at him, you'll be there to replace me. Report any major events that may happen to him to me, and I, in turn, will discover more about the First District for you-neh?"_.

 _She was out already, hopping onto her motorcycle. "You got it" she dryly said before speeding away_.

 _I sighed, watching her to disappear into the distance. Then I closed the door and walked back to the secret room. I retrieved this journal from its hiding place and began redacting these lines_.

 _I just pray Negi-bouzou has the heart to forgive me... No. I know he will. I just pray Satomi, and myself, both can forgive my actions in this moment. But like I told Nat-chan, this is a step he needs to take. His first dragon to slay, his first fortress to assault. And no matter what, he won't be alone_.

 _But that is okay_.

 _Neither will I_.

 _When the moment comes, I will have the needed countermeasures for any team he can assemble this time_.

 _For too long, I haven't ever looked out of our class for assistance. But with the recent iterations' changes to the continuum, that will have to change. Now I have more to work with_.

 _Every one of my classmates has some degree of social life out of the classroom. All of them have someone who shares their personal interests and ablities. All of them have a possible counter at some place of Mahora_.

Hasegawa Chisame: No Club activities- Closest link to the primary subject for the moment. Her long periods of free time mean she can spend more time with him than anyone else. Still, she lacks Kagurazaka's unique gifts. Not a deeply concerning issue for now.

 _I began re-reading my files, occasionally lingering at some especially potential-ripe entry_.

Saotome Haruna: Manga Circle- Several companions with highly similar leanings. Possibly gifted with latent Pactio powers of the same exact category. Amano Hikaru- Club President (College Area Student). Fujiyoshi Harumi- Vicepresident (Student at High School Class 2-F, likely to receive a future Pactio from Itoshiki Nozomu). Tamura Hiyori- Assistant. Patricia Martin-Model and Intern.

Izumi Ako- Assistant to School Nurses Marikawa Shizuka and Sagisawa Youko. Neighbor to the primary subject's room. Seems suspectful to some degree about the recent incident at Miyazaki's room.

Tatsumiya Mana- Biathlon Club. Rooms with disciple Miko Munakata Shiho (weak link?). As usual, agreeable to join the task as long as the payment is good. (Something different about her this time, though? Disciple's influence softening some of her stance? Research further on the matter).

Yotsuba Satsuki- Mahora Lunch Committee. Closest companions there include: Tenkawa Akito, club president (Mahora College Area student- healthy admiration/interest on him?), Tachibana Kyohei (Mahora College Area student), Yuuki Mikan (Junior Mahora student). Closest confidante I have, but must be spared the harshest details.

 _I feel so miserable. Keeping tactical files even on my best friends. Getting prepared for a betrayal from any side. Still, it must be done_.

 _The variables keep on changing at every turn. All I can do is to try and keep up with them taking advantage of any and all resources around myself, even the human ones_.

 _The only constant that remains always the same is him_.

 **Next** : The spotlight falls on Yukihiro Ayaka!


	14. Lesson 11: Ayaka's Special Day

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Black Lagoon_ and all its characters belong to Hiroe Rei .

 _Zero no Tsukaima_ and all its characters belong to Yamaguchi Noboru and Usatsuka Eiji .

 _Kamen No Maid Guy_ and all its characters belong to Akai Maruboru.

 _Ai Yori Aoshi_ and all its characters belong to Fumizuki Kou.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Yet again, a lot of thanks to all my reviewers and contributors here and at the message boards I frequent. You guys and gals just rule. And I mean it.

I wonder if I should start a campaign for an _Unequally Rational…_ page at TV Tropes just like Shadow Crystal Mage did for his own creations... Hmmmm...

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER ELEVEN.**

**Act One:**

Saturday Night. For most youngsters, a time to vent the frustrations and woes of a full week of study and duties by going out to have fun with their friends.

However, the inhabitants of a certain currently crowded dormitory at Mahora Academy were far from being like most normal youngsters.

Chisame was nearly hunchbacked over her computer's keyboard, chatting up a storm with her legions of loyal cyber fans, directing them to her upcoming Net events like a Hannibal addressing his troops.

Negi sat at the living room's table grading a mountain of tests, very quiet and humble. Chamo snored at his feet, next to a few exhausted cigarettes.

Chachamaru was making tea at the small kitchen, and Hakase was fixing the TV, saying she was going to make it 3D. Chisame was expecting they'd have to buy a new one next week.

All in all, another relatively average evening at their home.

That was until the front door's bell rang.

"I'll open," Chachamaru spoke with a docile tone, quickly heading for the door before anyone else could, although only Negi even attempted it; Chamo and Satomi had not even noticed, and Chisame was too busy finishing her session in a hurry and closing the chat window before anyone else found her secret out.

Negi had expected for it to be Misora, who was pretty much the only one who ever visited them, but much to his surprise, three other girls stood there.

"Ah! Kagurazaka-san! Konoe-san! Shiina-san!" he said, putting his pen down. "What a pleasant surprise!"

"Speak for yourself," Kagurazaka Asuna mumbled.

"Good evening, Negi-kun!" Shiina Sakurako giggled with a wink. "And you too, girls!"

"We brought you cookies, some bread and soda!" Konoe Konoka happily announced, holding a full bag up. That triggered Chisame's alarms up. They definitely wanted something.

Chachamaru bowed to the newcomers. "We are honored by your visit. Please accept the hospitality of our humble abode."

Chisame really wished the tin girl wouldn't take such decisions by herself.

Alerted by the sounds of young female voices, Chamo woke up immediately and jumped straight into the largest pair of unexplored breasts in sight. Asuna's.

"GAH!" the redhead shouted, not scared, but clearly annoyed. "Take this dirty thing off me! Rats aren't allowed here!"

"Oh, Asuna!" Sakurako laughed, grabbing the ermine and tenderly petting his head, making him to drool. "Don't be so rude! This isn't a rat, it's obviously a baby skunk! It won't start smelling until he's an adult and gains his black fur!"

"Actually, he's a Welsh ermine" Negi pointed out, with a large drop of sweat on his forehead.

"Is he your pet, Negi-kun?" Konoka lovingly scratched the delighted animal's throat. "Awww, he's so cute and fluffy! He feels so good!"

"Yeah, he certainly felt me up good" Asuna muttered, shaking the white fur off her blue T-shirt.

"There isn't any problem with keeping him here, is it?" the child asked with some concern.

"Nah, it's alright," Sakurako waved a hand. "Small animals are okay. I have three cats myself!"

Chisame approached her. "What are you doing without your cheering friends? You three go out together all Saturday nights, don't you?" she asked.

"Oh, tonight's a special case" the cheerleader replied. "I told Madoka-chan and Misa-chan to go without me. I had more important things to do."

"Such as?" the hacker pressed on.

Konoka placed her gifts on the table with Negi's help, then laughed with slight embarrassment. "Well, heh heh, I guess you could say we're going to ask for a favor from you..."

Chisame didn't seem surprised at all. "Oh."

"I will do everything in my power to be of any assistance," Chachamaru offered with a slight inclination of her head.

"Sit down and tell us" Negi invited them. "I'll be glad to help."

"You're too kind, Negi-kun," Konoka smiled warmly as she sat down, Sakurako quickly following her example. Chisame and Asuna followed suit shortly afterwards, sharing a wary glare.

Hakase finally pulled her dirty, oily and sticky blackened face out of the television set. "Oh? Do we have visits?"

"What do you think?" her bespectacled female roommate shot her a glare.

"... I think we do," the scientist replied, grabbing a piece of cloth and beginning to wipe her hands. "Just wait two more hours and you'll be able to experience a new era of three dimensional cheap entertainment with us!"

"I know we'll regret if for years, but no, sorry," Asuna deadpaned. "We only came to make a quick question."

"It's about Iinchou," Konoka nodded.

"Is there something wrong with her?" Negi asked.

"You mean aside from the usual?" Asuna snickered dryly.

"Quiet, Asuna," Sakurako playfully elbowed her in an arm. "Negi-kun, you know Iinchou and me have been at this Academy for longer than anyone else, don't you?"

Negi nodded again, not being willing to counter with arguments about Sayo and Eva at all.

"Well, Asuna joined in roughly one year after us, and then Konoka the year after her. So in a way, we are, um... linked by that. Do you get me?" the cheerleader asked.

The boy smiled. "Of course."

"That's why we know Iinchou better than anyone at the class," Konoka added.

"Much to our regret," Asuna snarked.

"Tomorrow, Iinchou will be spending all day long at her Manor, right out of the Mahora limits," Sakurako informed. "You'll see, it's going to be a special day for her."

"A special day?" Hakase repeated. "But why?"

Asuna looked aside. "I'm not going to explain it," she said in a low voice, clearly uncomfortable with the topic.

Konoka made her best to keep her smile. "Well..." the black haired girl began, "It's an important anniversary of sorts for her. And usually, she prefers to spend it alone, but... this time, we really would like to ask you to be there with her."

"And why's that?" Chisame distrusted, crossing her arms.

Konoka looked down, a small sigh escaping her lips. "It's because... she needs to get over it," she spoke softly, almost reluctantly. "Or else it'll end up eating her alive..."

Negi looked at her with wide shocked eyes. Chisame and Satomi looked mildly puzzled as well. Chachamaru's face betrayed no change.

Asuna still thought that was a bad idea.

**Act Two:**

"Okay, class!" the young teacher had clapped her hands vigorously. "I want you all to meet our new student and friend, Kagurazaka Asuna!" she kindly had announced. "She just transferred here from overseas, so please, make her to feel welcome!".

And then the diminutive redhead with spindly legs and golden bells in her hair had stepped into sight, appearing for the first time in Ayaka's life, with a completely emotionless face. Even then, Ayaka had not liked her. Her face was that of a sulking troublemaker, and her mismatched eyes were simply creepy.

Everyone had greeted the new girl effusively, but she had not even bothered to reply to any of them. Through the whole day, she had remained distant and silent, ignoring anyone's attempts to establish any kind of communication.

And so, after the day's classes were over, and the newcomer was getting ready to leave, the little cute blonde had marched into her way, fists balled up at her own narrow hips. The rest of the class had eagerly gathered around them, watching on with intense curiosity, unsure about the result of the epic facedown sure to ensue.

"Kagurazaka Asuna!" Ayaka had said. "Yes, you! As the Class Representative, I must ask you to explain the motives behind your bad attitude! Do you think you're too good for us?"

A really impressive speech for a child of that tender age. But the rude foreigner had not talked then either. She only had given the local authority figure a blank stare up and down, not even beginning to move her mouth or forming any kind of sound.

It had been only when Ayaka had angrily opened her lips to urge her again that Kagurazaka let out an unintelligible mumble.

"What?" the blonde asked.

"Stpdshrmp," Asuna had muttered under her breath.

Ayaka had leaned her ear near Asuna's mouth. "Louder, please?"

"STUPID SHRIMP!" Asuna had yelled as loud as she could.

"Ahhh!" the Class Rep, scared, had stumbled back before her afce flushed as red as blood. "Why, you, how do you dare!". She had immediately pounced onto her. "My ears are delicate!"

"They can't be!" the redhead had quickly grabbed her by the hair. "If you have to listen to your own grating voice all the time—!"

"You hooligan!" Ayaka had pinched her cheeks as hard as she could. "You'll regret saying that!"

"I only regret meeting you!" Asuna had started to try and headbutt her several times.

"A fight! They started to fight!" another girl laughed.

"I bet sixteen yen on Iincho!" Sakurako had jumped on the chance.

"Eighteen yen on the new girl!"

"Oh no, Sensei's coming back! Someone distract her 'til it's over!"

It was with that final memory of her beloved and so disciplined former classmates (and Sakurako) cheering on her misery that Yukihiro Ayaka woke up that bright Sunday morning.

"AHHH! I WON'T FORGIVE YOU!" she screamed, sitting up as if an electric bolt had just zapped her.

Then she noticed she was 14. And she was alone at her bedroom, with golden hair all over face. Brushing it aside, she groaned and looked at the clock. Seven and fifteen minutes.

"Ugh," she licked the morning's bad taste out of her mouth. "That again."

She hated when she had that dream. It was usually nothing but an omen of unpleasant things to come.

A few minutes after, however, she was fresh like a newly bloomed rose and sporting her most charming smile as she walked across the halls of her manor, radiant in a white dress, greeting the domestic service along her way. "Good morning, girls! Good morning, Fubuki-san, Siesta-san, Minazuki-san, Cisneros-san, Iglesias-san!"

"Good morning, honorable Ojou-sama!" all the maids bowed to her, although one of them overdid it too clumsily and fell down flat on her face, making all the others to quietly groan to themselves.

"Oh, Minazuki-san!" Ayaka laughed as she helped the brown haired, bespectacled and big chested older girl back to her feet. "Remember, a good posture is the basis for a good balance!"

"I-I'll remember it next time, Ojou-sama!" the young woman tearfully nodded, making tiny embarrassed sobs.

The heiress went to take her seat at the main table, calling on her lead butler with a soft tapping of her silver spoon on her plate. "Sebastian!"

The old, white haired man appeared at her right side immediately. "Ojou-sama?"

"I will drink my tea before deciding on a breakfast" she haughtily commanded. "Get on it right now, please."

"As you wish. But before it, perhaps, you would like to hear about a phone call we received half a hour ago," the gentleman respectfully said, keeping his head low.

"If it's anything related to businesses, it can wait until tomorrow," she strictly said. "I wish for no interruptions of any sort today."

"Understood" Sebastian nodded. "In that case, I shall call Springfield-sama right now and—"

"Springfield?" Ayaka sprang up in alarm. "Negi Springfield?"

"Why, yes, he said such was his name," the butler confirmed. "He claimed being your homeroom teacher, although at first I believed it was a woman calling."

"He hasn't hit puberty yet..." she explained, with her eyes wide. "What did he say? Does he need my help with anything?"

"Oh, no, actually, he simply asked for permission to visit this estate today..."

"OF COURSE HE CAN!" she jumped up from her chair, her tone fully changed to a frantic euphoria. "Call him immediately and tell him he's welcome here at any hour of any day! I-I'd call him myself, but I need to change to something decent first!" she stuttered, embarrassed all of a sudden like a traditional newlywed, before quickly running away back to her bedroom.

The maids all stood there in silent stupor.

"So the rumors were true," the one with short black hair whispered.

"Ours is not to question her interests... but to honor her kindness," the one with long silvery hair sighed.

The tallest one scowled ever so slightly behind her thick glasses, but said absolutely nothing.

Nearly two hours later, it was an even better dressed Ayaka, looking like a fairy tale charmed princess, who ran to the front door after hearing the announcement of her teacher's entrance to her grounds.

"I wish for Sensei to be treated with nothing but the utmost respect!" she instructed her servants. "Anyone who fails at that shall be severely punished! Do I look good enough? What do you think?"

"As fascinating and gorgeous as ever, Ojou-sama," the one with silver hair complimented her.

"Sebastian-sama is bringing him over as we speak," the youngest of the lot, a girl with a heavy foreign accent, her black hair made up in a single small bun, bowed as she opened the front door for her.

"Excellent, simply excellent!" Ayaka giggled happily while walking out, then friendly waving a hand up under the heavy rays of the sun. "Good morning, dear Negi-sensei! Welcome! Please feel right at home!"

And then she screeched to a halt.

"Ah... Good morning!" Negi-sensei, wearing his usual formal suit ensemble, and always carrying his bandaged staff around, bashfully greeted her, standing at Sebastian's right. Behind them, Hasegawa Chisame, in a plain white shirt and blue pants, merely nodded her head once in the rich girl's direction. Hakase Satomi stood nearby, not looking at the hostess at all, clad in shorts and a black shirt, taking some samples of wood from a tree and carefully placing them inside of a small metallic container.

"Good morning, Iinchou-chan!" Shiina Sakurako, in a very short and tight skirt and sleeveless orange top, smiled at her, a red cap perched on the top of her head.

"Hello! You look very good today!" Konoe Konoka chirped, happy as a free bird, at Sakurako's left and wearing a pretty summer dress with sandals.

"A bit too fancy for a simple short visit, though..." Finally, the bane of Ayaka's existence, Kagurazaka Asuna, completed the group, crossing her arms and looking rather nonchalant, in a simple but elegant ensemble of a light red blouse and a matching skirt.

No wonder Ayaka hated when she had that dream. It was usually nothing but an omen of unpleasant things to come.

**Act Three.**

"Wha-What are you all doing here?" a livid Ayaka aimed an accusing finger at her five classmates.

"He's still new here. He doesn't know the local bus routes yet," Chisame dryly answered.

"And besides, I heard it's dangerous to allow children to wander alone here," Asuna made the vaguest hint of a smirk.

"No, but it's dangerous to allow Kagurazaka Asunas to stalk around these premises!" Ayaka said with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"Come on, calm down, calm down," Konoka easily asked. "We're all friends here, aren't we?"

"Most of us, yes!" Ayaka kept her angry glare fixed on her rival.

"No discussion there" Asuna nodded. "Let's see, one, two, three, four, five and six," she counted herself, Konoka, Sakurako, Negi, Chisame and Satomi. "Yep, a clear majority."

Hakase finally looked at Ayaka when the sounds of heavy fighting had started. "Oh, hello, Iinchou-san! You do have some rather scarce species around here. I even collected some samples of the nearly extinct hunchbacked rhinoceros beetle of striped wings. Iinchou-san? Why are you fighting Asuna-san?"

"IF YOU AREN'T MY FRIEND, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" the heiress said as she attempted her best to land a kick on Asuna.

"BELIEVE ME, NEITHER DO I!" Asuna kept on dodging her, similarly failing at landing a punch on her face.

"Stop it, you two, please!" Negi flailed his arms around, trying to keep them apart from each other.

"Asuna! Asuna! Remember your promise!" Konoka also tried to interfere.

"I have the feeling this is going to end up becoming a live action game of Clue" Chisame moaned.

"Colonel Mustard, with the knife, at the library!" Sakurako giggled. "I bet you forty on that!"

"Should I bring the crowbar to pry them apart?" the tallest maid asked, in an extremely dry tone.

"Cisneros-san, you know that's the absolute last resource!" Fubuki-san scolded her.

"Now this is better," Negi pleasantly smiled minutes after, as Ayaka led him and the girls along the manor's grounds. "Wow, this is the largest garden I've ever seen at my life, Iinchou-san" he marveled, looking all around.

"It's only the front yard," Ayaka smiled back, with a very gentle expression. "I'm glad you like it."

"It's your first time here, Chisame-chan?" Konoka asked Hasegawa, seeing how she was looking with badly camouflaged wonder at the gigantic trees and fountains all around them.

"Of course it is," the hacker had to nod. Oh, if only Chiu could make a webshow from there! She could tell her fans it was her house, and they would swoon ever harder than ever! Alas, that was impossible, but she still could do the next best thing.

She started taking photos of the whole place with her cellphone, taking advantage of the hostess' infatuation with Sensei. What her fans couldn't know wouldn't hurt them.

Asuna marched at the back of the group, looking actually somewhat embarrassed and uneasy. Hakase walked next to her, taking notes of the structures she found on her way, occassionally writing a few comments on how to improve on the designs, mostly by attaching some sort of mechanical device to them.

"So, Negi-sensei," Ayaka smiled even more, grabbing him lovingly by a hand, "To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

"Well, um..." very briefly, he gave the other girls a questioning look. Asuna made a few 'No-No' signs with a hand, almost frantically, and Chisame, Sakurako and Konoka all seemed to agree. Hakase was too busy to even notice it. "Well, yes, I just figured... since you are our Class Rep, and you have shown so much interest on..." he blushed charmingly, "... your performance both as a student and a leader, I figured I should come to get to know you better and express my encouragement..."

"Ah...!" the beautiful blonde swooned. "That... That is so wonderful! A-As a matter of fact..." she lightly leaned towards him, "I feel so good I almost could faint! I haven't been this happy in such a long time..."

She quickly recomposed, grabbing his other hand as well, and stopping her walking and his. "If you would like, you could relocate to this residence. It is the most fitting place for a prodigy with needs such as yours at this whole area. You would lead the most comfortable and relaxing life you ever could imagine..."

"Ah...?" he cluelessly blinked.

"No thanks," Chisame grabbed him by an arm and pulled him back to herself. "I fear he would relax TOO MUCH if left here..."

"And she would relax EVEN MORE..." Asuna caustically observed.

"That reminds me!" Ayaka said. "Would you like to see my bedroom? Of course you would!"

"Whoah! Iincho doesn't waste time!" Sakurako whistled as the millionaire quickly pulled the boy away with herself.

"We'd better catch up or something horrible will happen," Asuna rushed after them, with Chisame hot on her heels. Sakurako happily skipped after them in turn, and Konoka grabbed the still absent Hakase and pulled her along with them.

"These are my private chambers," the blonde proudly stated as she opened her room's door. Negi made an awed sound; it put even Evangeline's bedroom to shame. It was decorated with excellent taste, and yet it had something of almost anything you could ask for in a personal room.

Chisame and Satomi, however, were disappointed at not seeing any computers there.

"You have made a few additions lately!" Sakurako giggled again, grabbing the large framed picture of Negi from Ayaka's nightstand.

"Hmph. Or course I would. Is there anything wrong with having a valuable memento of your mentor and guiding figure?" the house's owner asked.

"It's huge, and so warm, so full of a loving feeling..." Negi innocently gazed all around, his smile growing wider at each moment.

"I'm moved by your words," Ayaka blushed, grabbing his hands again and making him to sit down at her large and soft bed's edge with her. "Yes, love is all I'm about when it comes to you..."

"Okay, now this is getting creepy" Chisame commented.

"In any moment now she'll fully forget we're here and go for the lips," Asuna grimaced.

"K-Keep your dirty thoughts away! I'm talking about pure and honest love and admiration!" Ayaka flushed furiously. "Really! You still have a lot to teach them, Sensei. Switching over to a more pleasant matter, do you happen to like tea?"

"Oh, yes! A lot!" he answered.

"Good!" She rang the bell hanging over her bed. "I thought you would! A perfect English gentleman like you couldn't be any other way. My servants will bring you a humble selection of our best".

Immediately, Sebastian and Iglesias ran in pushing a huge rolling cart full with lines and lines of full glasses.

"From left to right, we do have Rose Hip, Lemon Verbena, Dandelion, German Chamomile, Sweet Fennel, Elder Flower, St. John's Wort, Linden and Sage. Further variations are available upon your request, young sir" the old gentleman bowed.

"Ahhhh," Negi barely could babble.

"Actually, seeing all that made me thirsty for a Coke," Asuna snorted.

Ayaka snapped her fingers. "Fubuki-san!"

The lead Maid rushed in pushing a long wheeled tray filled with all kinds of sweets and candy.

"We have all sorts of cake and biscuits to go along with your tea," the woman announced. "They come from 53 different countries, including Switzerland, Latveria and Poland."

"Oh! Chocolate!" the cheerleader licked her lips, picking an especially tempting large chunk of cake.

"I would like mine sugar-low" Hakase examined them carefully.

"There is no thing such as overkill, I used to believe..." Kagurazaka sighed.

Negi had picked a cup of tea and drank from it with excellent manners, then to smile at Miss Yukihiro. "It's simply delicious, Iincho-san. It reminds me of the parfaits my Sister always makes."

"Oh!" Ayaka paused. "You... You do have a sister?"

"Well... She's my cousin, actually, but we were raised as siblings," he admitted. Chisame's face betrayed some quiet surprise at that detail, but before she and the Class Rep could finish digesting it, Sakurako had jumped up happily.

"Let's use the pool!" the cheerful girl suggested. "The day's hot, and I feel like swimming!"

"Oh?" Negi looked at her. "You just ate; you should wait at least half a hour first..."

"It's okay, Iincho will pay the medical bills if needed" Asuna grabbed him by a hand and pulled him along with them. "If I remember it correctly, the pool is this way..."

"Hey! We hadn't finished here!" Ayaka protested, nearly racing to catch up to them. "How rude of you!"

Sebastian sighed as he and the two maids were left behind. "I never had seen Ojou-sama to feel this strongly for anyone..."

Iglesias smiled before picking a biscuit and pushing it into her mouth. "If you ask me... she needed it".

**Act Four:**

"YAHOO!" Asuna laughed as she threw her blouse, the final piece left remaining of her outer clothes, aside and gave a very high jump up to fall into the mansion's gigantic pool with a splash, now reduced to a bright pink one piece.

"Here we go!" Konoka followed suit seconds afterward, now clad in nothing but a dark blue school swimsuit.

"It's party time!" Sakurako joined in, wearing a rather skimpy orange bikini with polka dot dark red spots.

The three girls began to swim around and playfully splash each other as Chisame calmly removed her pants down and stood in a simple dark purple one piece, shaking her head. "Honestly, you guys... The nerve of you..."

"Oh, come on, Chisame-chan!" Sakurako splashed in her direction. "As if you're any better! You brought a swimsuit, too!"

"You all but forced us to!" the hacker snapped back.

Satomi was now in a light blue two piece made of short shorts and a brief sleeveless top which showed her navel area. She sat down next to the pool, barely dipping her feet in. Slowly, the genius sighed, feeling terribly bored already. After the discoveries at the front yard, the rest of the manor offered no excitement to her. She started to envy Chachamaru, who had gotten to stay at home under the pretenses of cleaning the apartment and then looking after the cats.

Then the scientist felt someone's gaze sharply fixed on her. She looked up to see Sakurako floating right before her, eyeing her like a mischievously crocodile stalking a prey.

"Is-Is there something wrong?" Hakase couldn't help but feeling slightly wary for some reason.

"Of course there is!" the cheerleader protested. "You aren't in here with us, silly!"

"I'm... not a good swimmer," Satomi averted her glare. "You know I have to struggle with it at classes".

"All the more reason for you to practice now, then!" Konoka pointed out.

"Yeah, Prof," Asun nodded. "Loose down just for once. It'll do you good!".

"I'm not sure..."

"Oh, for the love of—!" Sakurako grabbed her by an ankle and pulled her into the water with herself, gaining a brief shriek from Hakase. "You gotta stop overthinking everything!".

"Kya! No!" Hakase waved her hands around, struggling to break free and return to dry land, but the (even if only marginally) stronger cheerleader wouldn't have anything of it.

"No, no, no! I won't let you go until your promise to start enjoying yourself!" the perky girl cutely shook her head, tightening a bear hug around Satomi's midsection, pressing her against herself. Hakase found herself squirming against the unusual, hard to describe physical closeness. She was somewhat used to bathing with Chisame, but somehow, this felt different. Sakurako holding her so tightly, so personally, enough to almost rub her chest against hers, no, scratch the 'almost', was quite unnerving, mostly because it felt so alien, and yet, good and comforting in a way that simply scared her.

Hakase had always taken pride on being unafraid to learn about everything and anything, but suddenly, she felt a sharp terror about continuing exploring her own reactions to that hideously teasing sensation. So she relented with a hasty nod of her head, hoping Sakurako couldn't notice the blush on her cheeks, behind her soaked up and foggy glasses.

She breathed easier when that made Shiina to release her. "Good girl!" the eternally happy schoolgirl laughed good naturedly. Right before rubbing the tip of her tiny nose against Satomi's, making her to blush even more.

"Gah, gah, gah!" Hakase struggled to get any sounds out. Sakurako just blinked and looked at her eyes.

"Eh? What's wrong now, Prof?"

"No... Nothing," she adjusted her glasses back, regaining her objective composure. Ridiculous. If Chao could see her now, she'd never hear the end of it.

It was bad enough the way Chisame and Asuna were now looking at both of them, perplexed. Konoka, on the other hand, just laughed as if she had just heard the best joke in the world.

"W-well" Hasegawa rasped uneasily, attempting to leave the rather disturbing implications of what she had just seen (Hakase! Showing! Emotion!) behind. "Wh-where's Sensei? That little pig's just too afraid of water..."

"And he isn't the only one!" Konoka lunged an arm ahead and grabbed Chisame by a hand, also pulling her into the water with them. Fortunately for the secret Net idol, Asuna's roommate did not attempt as close an approach as Sakurako had done with Hakase, contented by just laughing at her while Hasegawa spat water and coughed up.

"Konoe! Cough, cough! I'm going to—"

Asuna patted her in the head. "I feel your pain. But years of living with Kono-chan have dulled me from feeling too much," she cautioned.

Konoka just splashed her some more, and by extension, splashed Chisame as well. "Oh, Asuna, _you_!"

Negi walked out of the dressing room for men, in sandals and boxers, shirtless, and smiled warmly at seeing his students playing amongst themselves. However, he still remained as quiet as he could before any of them thought about dragging him into the... water...

Then he felt the door of the other dressing room behind him being opened, and he looked back with a gentle grin. "Ah, Iincho-san! Thank you very much for... for..."

Wearing an elegant but pretty revealing white biniki, her pale feet bare, her gold hair waving loose behind her at each step, the Class Rep looked down at the suddenly silent boy. "Yes, Sensei?" she sweetly asked.

"No, nothing!" he hurried to complete the sentence, wondering what had just happened to himself. "Just wanted to give you our thanks for your hospitality!"

"Oh, it's my pleasure!" the vision of beauty laughed it off. "It's the least I can do for you!"

"Hey, Iinchou!" Asuna called out from the water. "Wanna go for a race?"

"No, thanks!" the heiress huffed. "There's no way I ever could beat a kappa monster at its element!"

Asuna seemed offended for a moment, but she let it to slide.

"Leave the children to their games, Sensei," Ayaka said as she lured him away until they both took chairs around a large beach table with a colorful umbrella on top. "Truly, they are so immature for their age... while you are so mature for yours," she lovingly sighed.

"Oh, no, not at all," he denied.

"And so modest, as well!" she cooed. "Do you want more cookies?" she grabbed a bowl of them that was at the other side of the table and offered it to him. "I made them myself!"

At the mansion's kitchen, meanwhile, Siesta sneezed loudly all of a sudden.

The black haired maid rubbed her nose with a tissue. "Ojou-sama must be taking credit for the cookies again..." she guessed.

**Act Five:**

"There," Sakurako's smile took a warmer, softer and less hyper appearance as she finished tugging the little bands keeping Hakase's braids tied off, allowing her black hair to cascade down her shoulders. "You look much cuter with your hair long! Maybe in a ponytail, too..." the cheerleader commented, running her right hand's fingers thoughtfully through the shorter girl's ebony wet hair.

Satomi only managed to blurt an insincere "I'll think about it," out.

From where she quietly swam a few feet away, Chisame had to silently disagree. Hakase did look cuter with her hair made the usual way...

Wait, had she really just thought that? Ugh. Way too much sun, no doubt. Way too much sun.

Meanwhile, Negi was finishing his cookies while Ayaka watched him, oblivious to everything else, with a dreamy smile on her face.

"They were very good, Iincho-san" he made a cute satisfied sound after it was over. "You really should have eaten a few, too".

"Negi-sensei..." Ayaka softly said.

"Yes?" he asked.

She handed him a small lotion bottle and turned around, then, with a blush, began unhooking her bikini top down. "Could you please rub some sunblocker on me? I can't reach all the way..."

Negi's eyes became huge totally white circles. "Wh-Wh-What? Iincho-san! I possibly couldn't—!"

"Oh?" mercifully for him, she hooked her top back in before it was fully undone, then turned around again. "Ah, I understand. You don't know how is it done, do you? You come from a region with no beaches, after all. Don't worry! I'll do my best to teach you!" she beamed.

"The-There's no need for it, I—" the boy began to shake his head, but the blonde gently, yet firmly, laid him down facefirst into a nearby long beach chair, then knelt down over him, a leg at each side of his body.

"Just relax and enjoy..." she purred melodically. "I'll be your dear big sister while you're here..."

"Uh, well, I don't know—" he shivered as her hands began to rub the lotion all up and down his back, massaging all the way from his shoulderblades to his ribs, and then along the spine. "Somehow, I don't think this is—this is—" he doubted.

"Oh ho ho ho!" Ayaka laughed. "Leave everything to me, Sensei. This is **your** day. If I'm going too rough, please do tell me..."

Her touch became softer, but also more teasing and playful, her soft hands roaming his back and massaging all the right points, plus a few ones he thought might be not so right at all. He had to admit it felt good, and yet... and yet...

Then he had a mild shock when her hands went perhaps a bit too low...

"NOT TOO ROUGH, BUT TOO FAR!" Asuna had suddenly jumped up from the pool to land with a kick straight on Ayaka's face, sending her stumbling a few feet away from their teacher.

Indignant, the heiress rubbed her now bright red left cheek. "KAGURAZAKA! WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS, YOU— YOU STUPID APE!"

"OJOU-SAMA!" Cisneros suddenly fell down from a tree's top, her eyes glinting madly behind her glasses, her teeth clenched, and with a black umbrella in a hand. "ARE YOU OKAY? JUST TELL ME THE WORD AND I'LL—"

"Stay out of this, Roberta-san!" angry enough to spare her the more formal last name treatment, Ayaka proudly humphed, standing straighter. "It's nothing I can't solve by myself!"

"I can't believe you!" Asuna yelled in her face. "We can't leave you alone for five minutes without you forcing yourself on the brat!"

"What are you talking about?" Ayaka yelled back. "I was doing nothing of the sort!".

"You were about to touch his butt!"

"No, I wasn't! I just was rubbing his lower back!"

"Not only you're a pedo, but a liar, too!"

Chisame warily looked at them, then even more warily to the towering maid with the web of bulging veins now on her forehead. For some reason, that woman gave a metric ton of terrifying vibes. Even her Mary Poppins umbrella looked **highly suspicious**.

"At least I'm not a lover of old men!" Ayaka furiously snapped.

"Takahata-sensei is not an old man! And what do you mean with 'lover', anyway?" the redhead growled.

"If you get offended, it's because there's something else to it than what I intended!" Ayaka fumed on her face.

"Okay, that's it!" Asuna threw the first punch. And it only went downhill from there.

A few moments later, both girls panted and huffed after reaching another stalemate; Negi stood at a side completely ignored and defeated once more, and Roberta was barely being held back by Minazuki, Siesta, Sebastian, Fubuki and Iglesias from behind. Chisame sighed and shook her head.

"Out of my house! Out of my sight! Out of my life!" Ayaka pointed away as she remarked every word to her nemesis.

"Okay! I don't need to be told twice!" Asuna spun on her heels, grabbed her clothes, and began stomping away.

Konoka breathed out, then made an apologetic smile at Ayaka. "Sorry about that, Iinchou. I guess you'll prefer being left alone..."

Ayaka's expression softened only a bit. "You don't need to go..."

"Forgive me" Konoka gave her a hug, then bowed. "Asuna-chan needs me, too. See you tomorrow, okay?".

She began walking after her friend, just as Sakurako walked over to Ayaka and gave her a tighter, stronger hug as well. "We all love you, Iinchou-chan" the shorter girl confided, before patting her shoulders down and following her other two oldest friends.

"I guess..." Satomi awkwardly pulled herself out of the water, "I guess we should leave as well.." She gave Ayaka a hopeful look up. "Can I keep the samples, please?"

The millionaire exhaled a sigh. "Yes, Hakase-san, you can."

"Thank you," she bowed clumsily, then took after Sakurako.

"Sensei," Chisame got closer to Negi, patting his head down slightly. "I'll go on ahead. You stay with Iincho a while longer, will you? I'll be waiting for you at the gates."

"Yes," he obediently nodded.

"Iinchou," finally, Asuna made a brief stop and looked back at the blonde, now with a more subdued, nearly regretful, expression. "I'm sorry. Fine, maybe I overreacted. I'll grant today's victory to you, okay?"

The rich girl just blinked. "Asuna-san?"

"Bye," Asuna lowered her head and walked out of sight.

Before Ayaka could react, Chisame formally bowed to her as well. "Sorry for all the inconveniences. For what it's worth... I had a pleasant time here. You have a beautiful home" she had to admit.

"Hasegawa-san?" Ayaka said.

For the first time in her life, Chisame smiled at her, or something like that. It was tiny, uncomfortable and embarrassed, but at least it looked vaguely like a smile. "They are crazy, aren't they? I guess we have to learn how to cope with them...". She pushed her glasses up. "... Don't take it too badly on Kagurazaka. Actually, she... only wanted to make you feel better." She bit her tongue. "Ah, what the hell. Forget I said anything. Goodbye."

She walked away, giving Negi a brief look before disappearing from sight.

Ayaka stood wordlessly there, alone with Negi and the servants.

"Hasegawa-san's right," the boy softly said. "It was Kagurazaka-san's idea originally. She didn't think too much of it herself, but Konoe-san clung on it and got the ball rolling."

"Huh?" his student looked down at him.

"They... only wanted to distract you up. They said I could cheer you up. Sorry... It seems I have failed miserably..." he sulked.

"Don't say that," she knelt down to pass a hand over his left cheek. "You have made this the happiest anniversary I've ever had..."

"Iinchou-san, I..." his voice trailed off.

"They told you about the anniversary, didn't they?" she seriously asked.

He had to nod, reluctantly.

"Ever since that day..." she quietly mused, "I have had something inside of me that couldn't ever be replaced. That stupid Asuna. Thinking you could fill that void."

He was heartstruck at that unexpected statement, until, one second later, she gently kissed his forehead.

"... when, in truth, you are something completely different to me," she continued. "Just as important, if not more, but different all the same. Negi-sensei, you'll never be able to replace my brother, but you still mean the world to me."

Siesta wiped a tear off her right eye's corner.

Roberta only stared with a neutral face on.

"But they only have known each other for what? Three weeks?" Iglesias mumbled under her breath.

Minazuki was bawling her eyes off.

Fubuki grabbed Minazuki by an ear and began pulling her away. "Ojou-sama will want some privacy!"

"I concur" Sebastian directed the other maids away as well. "I believe we all have better things to do elsewhere, ladies".

Roberta nodded mechanically before following him. Her mind, however, was elsewhere. And at another time.

Back when she still was a newcomer to Japan, and the Yukihiros' second child was on the way.

**Act Six:**

The first time Roberta had ever seen that little redhead girl was roughly a month after _el Señor Yukihiro_ had officially hired her as domestic service. The child had been brought by Ayaka herself, in a move the Señorita would come to regret later, many times, to varying degrees of sincerity.

"This is my brother's room!" Ayaka had gleefully boasted as she guided her stonefaced friend into the reserved bedroom. She showed her every toy, the cradle and everything else with far greater fervor than she had used at describing her own room, and that was definitely saying something. "Dad says he's going to be a businessman just like him, but Mom says that doesn't mean he'll be away as much as Dad. I bet he's going to be a very handsome man, too!".

"Yeah," was all Asuna had to offer back.

For months, the young lady had been nothing but a constant whitewater of happiness given human form. She had strived even more at her studies and her Class Representative job. Blissfully ignorant of the first complications in the pregnancy, she continued having the happiest days of her young life. Roberta, however, knew, and that knowledge had been enough to push her back into her faith, a faith lost after so many years at the jungle, at the nonstop war. She had prayed for months, with a devotion even the worldly Yukihiros lacked. She had prayed and prayed for the hopes of the man who had given her a final chance when everyone else just aimed for her death.

God, as He most often did, had denied her requests. Perhaps, she believed, He still was paying her back over all those victims on her conscience.

But why had the young lady been forced to suffer as well? Far more than her, as a matter of fact?

"What... What do you mean I can't see him?" With huge watery blue eyes, she had looked up at her father that night at the clinic, gripping on the skirt of her gorgeous white dress, handpicked for the occasion. Her tiny hands trembled nervously, clawing at the cloth time after time.

Her father, for once, had given her the emotional support she needed. "I'm sorry, Ayaka," he crouched down to envelope her into a hug. Roberta watched from afar, feeling sensibility to the fact of death for the first time in long, long years. The Señorita's cries hurted her ears, but mostly her soul, despite all she had believed she had been used to it.

After that, the Señorita had retreated into the empty room for days, curled up and crying to no end. Sebastian's best attempts to reach to her had no effect. Neither Sakurako and the Konoe girl's. At first, Roberta was convinced the Kagurazaka ruffian wouldn't place any better.

But then she had just kicked the Señorita in the head. "CHEER UP!" she had commanded, as brash and crass as ever. " **YOU** NEED TO LIVE!"

"ASUNA-SANNNN!" the Señorita had growled up, tears of rage replacing those of sadness. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

And the chase had been on, much to Roberta's shocked dismay.

"Wait until I get my hands on you, monkey!"

"You'll never catch this monkey, you snail!" the redhead dryly mocked her, and damn she was fast. Roberta was about to take after her to give her a few spankings, but Sebastian had managed to stop her.

"No, no" he had quietly said. "Leave them be. It's better this way".

Even now, however, she had problems following that advice. She never had been a forgetful or forgiving person, and the Kagurazaka girl still unnerved her almost as much as she did to her mistress.

Roberta sat next to a window, with the jaded look of a stalking coyote, silently watching at her Ojou-sama (it had taken her more than two years to get used to replace 'Señorita' with that local term) talking with the strange, stupidly naive boy. Roberta fumed inside. She was grateful life hadn't put her in charge of a brat like him.

"For years, she and I have clashed over everything..." Ayaka reminisced, with lingering tears in her eyes, looking at the distance. "We have completely different interests, likings and opinions. We compete at everything but academic matters, and you know what? She drives me crazy. She makes me to lose control of myself, to become as much of a violent maniac as her. I'm sorry... I can't control myself when she stings me, even before you. And today, you had to see such an ugly side of my personality".

"It's all okay," he reinsured her.

"No, it isn't" Ayaka rubbed her eyes. "I don't know what's about her... but she gets me every time. I'm half convinced she does it on purpose... or maybe she feels the same thing about me. I only know... she's the only person that can touch me that way."

She sighed with a vacant smile. "I guess that says a lot about me, as well."

He grabbed her right hand, holding it up with a comforting smile. "It means you are closer than you both would be willing to admit."

She laughed shakily. "Oh, Negi-sensei! What a silly idea!"

Half a hour later, he came out of the estate to meet Chisame, Satomi, Asuna, Konoka and Sakurako, all fully clothed now and waiting for them outside, as promised.

"So, how's Iincho now?" Asuna was the first one to speak.

He smiled. "She's fine now."

She smiled back. And Negi couldn't help but noticing it was the first time she ever had smiled at him. "Good job, then. Thank you! I owe you one."

"I told you you had a good idea there," Konoka teased her.

"Ehhhh!" Asuna waved her hands. "It was just a stroke of luck! Maybe some of Sakurako's is rubbing on me."

Hasegawa exhaled and looked at her wristwatch. "Alright, can we go back home now? It's getting kinda late."

"What if we all go shopping next week?" Sakurako quickly suggested. "I could bring Madoka-chan and Misa-chan, too!"

"Sounds good enough to me," Asuna agreed with a nod.

"I think it's an excellent idea!" Konoka clapped.

"Count with me, too!" Negi joined his voice in.

"I... I'll think about it," Chisame muttered warily. Were they trying to give her a social life of all things now? That was even more terrifying than Evangeline.

Hakase scratched the back of her neck in an awkward way. "I... Well, I think I could use the chance to buy some new parts I'm in need of..." she whispered barely loud enough to be heard.

Now that made Chisame to take silent notice.

Again, however, she had chosen not to ask her roommate about it, not even when they split from the other girls and reached their apartment.

"I see Chachamaru has not returned from her pet duty yet," Hasegawa observed as they walked into the completely still and quiet dorm room.

"I still think we should have brought her with us," Negi said, and then looked around. "Weird, where's Chamo? Maybe he went with her?"

"Oh, no," Chisame shook her head. "Why do you think the little perv didn't go with us? I had to..." she reached into her desk and pulled a tied up and gagged Chamo out, "...take desperate measures before he made a mess at Iinchou's house."

"Erk! Chamo!" Negi rushed to untie his furry friend. "Hasegawa-san, you're mean!"

"I just did what I had to do," Chisame excused herself, rather dryly.

"You're not mean, you're evil, Chiucchi!" Chamo cried as soon as his mouth was free. "I'll bet you had tons of fun while I was trapped here!"

"Yeah, I guess," Chisame looked aside. "We even put on swimsuits and had a long swim".

"SWIMSUITS!" Chamo exclaimed.

"Sakurako and Iincho chose very tiny bikinis, too" Chisame droned. "Good thing no pervert was around to ogle at them."

"BIKINIS! TINY ONES!" the ermine began to cry, slamming his paws onto his own face. "WHY, CHIUCCHI? WHY?"

Then Satomi's cellphone rang. With a sudden hurry, Hakase picked it up and checked on the text message she had just gotten. Her eyes grew instantly wide in shock.

"Hakase-san?" Negi asked.

"Something wrong?" Chisame somewhat scowled.

"It... It can't be..." the scientist's voice finally came out in a weak whisper.

"Now what?" Hasegawa fumed, looking over her shoulder, then to gasp at the unexpected content of the laconic text message.

 _Hakase-san, Negi-sensei, Hasegawa-san_.

 _Thanks for everything. But I must go back to the Master_.

 _Sorry_.

 _I left dinner ready for you at the kitchen_.

 **Next:** A Night at the Woods!


	15. Lesson 12: A Night in the Woods

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Don't sue this poor slob, please.

_Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Yet again, a lot of thanks to all my reviewers and contributors here and at the message boards I frequent. You guys and gals just rule. And I mean it. For real. No joke. Yep.

To answer a question I got at the reviews, the 'Cyberdine' mentioned back in Chapter One was not the one from _Terminator_ , but the one from the _Hand Maid May_ anime series.

Also, I'm still willing to accept anyone's help with the whole TV Tropes page thing. Just sayin'. Yeah.

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**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON TWELVE.**

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**Act One.**

**Yesterday**.

Chachamaru knew the Master was there before she heard her soft, even steps coming from behind. She knew when the cats she had been feeding started retreating, hissing and meowing, slinking back into the ruins of the empty yard.

The gynoid slowly got up from her crouching position and turned around to face the small blonde. "Hello, Master."

"Good afternoon, Chachamaru," Evangeline calmly replied.

"I assume you wish to ask me something?" the green haired girl humbly asked, keeping her hands crossed over her own lap.

"Hm" Eva chuckled. "I knew I would find you here, with the cats. You are still the same, no matter what poison Hakase tries to put in your head. That gives me some degree of hope, actually. Yes, Chachamaru. I have come to ask you something."

"Hakase-san has ordered me to stop helping you," the robot monotoned. "The protocols are clear. I am sorry."

The vampiress huffed while pulling the small disc out. "Do you recognize this?"

Chachamaru's eyes zoomed on it. After some moments, she nodded. "Affirmative. Software Number Three Hundred Two, codenamed Prometheus. Chao-san's secret project. But I was unaware it had been finished."

"Well, it is now," the Master smirked. "Has Hakase instructed you against accepting it?"

"Negative."

She held the disc a few centimeters higher. "Would you accept it?"

Again, the visual scanners checked the shiny surface and the inner programming for a few seconds before the calmed voice of the machine sounded again.

"Yes."

Her right hand reached over, carefully grabbing the small object and lifting it up from the Master's hand. A soft click came from the back of her head, where a small tray had just popped out, Hakase and Chao used it often to insert updates, but never one of that kind.

Still, Chachamaru did not hesitate.

Softly, she reached back to put the disc in place, waiting as the tray closed back and the new program ran through her mind, rewriting and erasing old directives, shutting old barriers down, allowing new behavior possibilities. She marveled (yes, now she could marvel to some degree) about the new venues of thinking that allowed, and it took her a few minutes to adapt to it, as she assimilated the new concepts dropped into her personality.

Free choice.

What a strange thing to go along with her barely nascent feelings.

Crossed feelings, to make the situation worse.

Finally, Evangeline could not wait any longer. "Do you get it now?" she asked.

"Yes. I believe I do," Chachamaru's voice was still subdued, and yet it had subtly changed.

The small immortal tilted her head aside, feigning the usual indifference. Chachamaru could feel her quickened heart rate, and Evangeline knew it, but it still was an unspoken agreement between them to just gloss over that.

It already felt like one week ago again. To some level.

"So... What will you do now?" Eva finally asked, pretending not to care.

"Do you wish for me to return with you? After all that happened?" her former servant asked back.

"I know it wasn't your fault," the child-looking temptress mused. "I was angry when I accused you, but I dwelled on it and realized you had no choice. It was wrong for Hakase to use you that way."

"She had her reasons."

"Not good enough for me," the blonde pouted like a spoiled child. After that, however, maturity returned to her face, as she spoke quietly. "I swear on my honor I won't take any revenge on you if you refuse my offer. I just want you to... choose your own path."

"My path is yours, Master," she said. "Negi-sensei has Hakase-san and Hasegawa-san, and even Kasuga-san, but you only have me."

"Yes, yes, well, not like I actually need any help—"

"I care about your suffering, Master" Chachamaru quietly put a hand on her head. "I want to help you to reach your freedom, just like you have just done for me."

"Wh-who says I'm suffering?" Eva jerked back. "You got it all wrong, you idiot!"

"Excuse me."

"Okay," she agreed, way too quickly. "Never mind. You are forgiven."

"I only wish to ask for one thing in exchange for my continued services, please," the robot answered.

"What is it?"

"Never attack any of our classmates again, please. I will help you to drink enough of Negi-sensei's blood to break your curse, but please, don't hurt him either."

The undead mage smirked confidently. "You know I never kill women or children. Very well. I will humor you. I swear I won't attack any classmates of ours unless they attack us first. Does that satisfy you?"

"Affirmative. Thanks," Chachamaru bowed.

"It's all settled, then," Satisfied, Eva turned around and began walking away. "Let's head back home".

"Wait, Master," the robot softly pleaded.

She looked back at her. "And now what?"

Chachamaru pulled her spare rewind key from a pocket of her skirt and held it towards her. "Please?"

Eva smirked widely. "Oh. A quick screwing to celebrate our reconciliation? Lovely. I like it. Turn around," she asked, her voice silky and smooth.

With a placid expression, Karakuri obeyed, sitting down on the ground. Eva stood behind her and inserted the key in, deep and hard.

"OH!" the gynoid moaned. "MASTER! It's too rough!"

Eva giggled perversely. "You know I like it rough..." She gave it the first twist in.

"Oh, oh!" Chachamaru gasped. "You're... You swore you wouldn't get revenge on me..."

"Ah, ah, ah..." the Master sing-sang. "I swore I wouldn't get even if you rejected me... I never promised being nice to you if you accepted me..." she purred, before continuing winding her up with renewed vigor, a small sadistic spark in her eyes.

"Oh, Master!" the gynoid shuddered, her metallic joints squeaking and protesting as much as her as she shook up and down. "OH! OH! MASTER!"

Afterwards, there was a long tense silence, eventually only broken by Eva asking herself a most puzzling question.

"Why do I wish for a cigarette all of a sudden?"

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

**Today.**

"Sensei" she poked him with a hand in the back of the head again.

He only squirmed and mumbled incoherently, pulling the sheets tighter around his head.

"Sensei" Chisame insisted, poking him harder.

"I feel ill," he said without looking back at them.

"You are perfectly healthy," Hakase stepped in between them, her tone fully different from her habitual absent minded self. She was focused now, focused and angry. Angry enough to grab him by an arm and tug him out of the futon, startling even Hasegawa. "Where's that spirit you had when you first battled them?" she asked him. "We're going to reclaim MY creation, and I'm not going to take any more setbacks on it!"

Chisame actually gulped as she saw the normally soft spoken, gentle and distant scientist furiously stomping away to the table, to quickly stuff her mouth up with the breakfast as Negi moaned and waddled reluctantly for the bathroom.

None of them had slept well last night; it had taken everything Chisame had in herself to rein Satomi in from just going into Evangeline's cabin demanding for the return of her invention. Between that and attempting to control Sensei's now raging nerves, Hasegawa felt, now more than ever, the huge burden of being the glue holding what little sanity there was at her home together.

Sensei finally returned mildly well bathed and, as always, flawlessly dressed, now more in control of himself, but still morose and anxious. He barely ate anything at all despite Chisame's insistence, but that was okay with Hakase, who simply wanted to go out and look for Chachamaru at once.

"Come on, Sensei!" the black haired girl firmly grabbed him by a hand and pulled him out, dragging him behind herself. "There's no point on delaying this!"

"We can't face them like this..." he was protesting. "Hasegawa-san, you tell her...!"

"He's right, you know, Sis," Chamo told her from his underwear drawer as Negi was taken away, and Chisame stayed behind just long enough to, for once, listen at him. "Even if she's powered down, from what I researched on her, the Dark Evangel is an enemy the Bro can't take on by himself! And from what you told me about that night, even you, Mad Scientist-Sis and Nun-Sis aren't of much help as you are now."

"Then what do you suggest?" Chisame sighed. "Do we ask for help from the other teachers?"

"NEVER!" the ermine cried. "If they learn you know about the Bro's status as a mage, he'll fall in disgrace for the rest of his life!"

"Well, what's the alternative?" the girl ran a hand through her hair, almost pulling it up.

"Make a Pactio with him!" Chamo commanded.

"Wh-What?" she recoiled. "Me? In one of those weird kissing things? With HIM?"

"You, Hakacchi and Misocchi!" the animal nodded. "To take such a pair of monsters down, the Bro will need all the firepower you three can supply him with!"

"Four versus two?" Chisame scowled. "Hardly fair terms..."

The ermine rolled a paw around. "As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure it will suffice with three of you."

"You got that right, at least," Chisame pointed out. "Neither of us are fighters. How do you expect us to get into a brawl with a vampire and a robot and survive? Why not to call in Chao? Or Ku Fei? Or Sakurazaki?"

Chamo brooded a bit. "They are the fighters of the class, right? I need to get more... intimate... I mean, familiar with the whole lot of you. I guess you make sense, but... here between us, the Bro doesn't want to get anyone else involved into this. I tried to convince him last night, but he can be that damn stubborn!"

He looked beggingly at her. "Please, Sis, think about it. Do you care about my Bro?"

She hesitated for a moment, her cheeks flaring in the faintest shade of pink, before being able to nod mechanically. "Yes. I... I do. In a simply humanitarian, basically pitying, manner!" the girl quickly added.

He smirked knowingly. "Yeah. Good. Anyway, then keep it in mind, will you? For his own good. Right now, we four are the only ones he can count on."

Chisame felt she had to nod before walking out and closing the door, but actually, she didn't like the chances Sensei had with only the four of them as help at hand.

She had to rush a lot to catch up to Hakase and Sensei at midway to the school. It was then when, as luck would have it, Misora had also raced out of nowhere to join them at a relatively lonely and private area of the road to the main Academy building.

"I got your text message," the sprinter looked at Chisame with haunted eyes and a pale face. "Is it true? They are together again?"

"Afraid so," Hasegawa grumbled.

Kasuga's spirits sank down even further. "We're dead. We're so dead."

"I'm sorry about dragging you into this..." Negi lamented, even forgetting to formally greet Misora.

"Nonsense!" Satomi humphed, her mood still spoiled. "Evangeline-san will have a piece of my mind about this theft! It's simply outrageous and indecent!"

"You know," Chisame started, "I'm actually starting to see a problem you've had with this since it all began."

"What problem?" Hakase asked.

"For you, it's always 'a theft of my property', 'my invention', 'my robot,'" the brown haired schoolgirl said. "I know I sound like an idiot saying this, but don't you think maybe you should start thinking of her a little more like an actual person?"

Satomi simply gave her a blank stare.

"Forget it," Chisame snarled. "I don't know what was I thinking."

"No, actually, it's a very good point," Negi seemed to have come a bit out of his funk after hearing that.

"... But she **is** a robot!" Misora protested.

Before the discussion could take a philosophical and existentialist twist Chisame had as much interest into as she was into swallowing razors, they all reached the Academy itself. They made their way towards the 2-A classroom with Satomi firmly taking the lead for once. Negi had grabbed Chisame's hand for support right behind her, and a completely nervous Misora was in the back of the quartet, sweating cannonballs.

Hakase, fully unafraid, flung the door open and saw...

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

Much to Hakase's disappointment, Evangeline and Chachamaru were not there at all.

"Good morning, Sensei!" the other girls all greeted Negi, standing up and saluting at Ayaka's signal.

"Good... Good morning, everyone," he weakly greeted back. At his side, Chisame breathed easier, and behind them, Misora seemed to have regained her color, not to mention her will to live.

Satomi, on the other hand, just puffed angrily, nearly stampeding her way to her desk.

"Hey, Prof," Misa asked her as she passed by next to her, "Why didn't you come with Chacham—"

"She went back to Evangeline!" Hakase fumed while her eyes narrowed viciously. And although she looked at no one in special, Misa was intimidated enough to refrain herself from further questions, and even Kazumi had just closed her mouth just when she looked like she was ready to ask something else.

Sakurako's large and round, curious, eyes met Satomi's for a second. Remembering the prior day's events, the scientist forgot her anger for an instant, but still lowered her head and averted her gaze clumsily while taking her chair.

Then some sort of dreading inspiration seemed to hit the genius, and she slowly turned her glare towards Chao. The Chinese girl smiled at her, but Hakase, for once, didn't smile back at all. She only kept a cold, accusing stare fixed on her for a few moments before looking back at the front of the class, and at Negi.

If anyone had bothered to actually look at Chao at that exact moment when her friend turned away from her, they could have seen the briefest flash of intense pain running across her features.

"Okay," Negi sighed. "Let's start on the text I assigned you this Friday. Mmmm..." It was clear his heart and mind were somewhere else, and his usual teaching enthusiasm just was not there. "Murakami-san? Could you please read the first four paragraphs?"

"Y-Yes," the brown haired freckled girl stood up with a gulp, before starting reading from her book in a stilted, wooden tone. Negi was not paying any attention to her lines anyway. His gaze kept on hovering over the classroom, vague and distant, looking almost sickly.

_What if Chamo is right?_ he wondered. _What if I really need to adquire a Partner? But it would be egoist from me, just to force anyone to fight for me... I wonder if any of them could be up for it..._.

"Sensei's a bit weird today, ain't he?" Fuuka whispered conspiratingly.

"Yeah, he looks sick again," Yuuna said in the same tone.

"I'll bet they don't feed him well at that dorm," Madoka joined in.

"Hush, you!" Ayaka silenced them.

After she was done with her reading, Natsumi waited for her evaluation, but Negi still said nothing. After a few moments of silence, she just felt she had to say, "Sensei? I already finished..."

"Oh! Oh, yes. Of course" he blinked. "A very good job, Murakami-san." He paused. "Errrr... F-Forgive me if this sounds weird to you, but... Do you have any experience on being a partner to anyone else?"

The class all went into sudden WTF Mode.

"Wha-What? Sensei!" the shy brunette gasped. "Well, I, um, I, er, no, well, I mean, no, never, but, um, ah, if you would, oh, mm, never mind, no..." Her mouth moved without making any sound for a few moments before she could say with a heavy blush, "No, I have never had any boyfriend!"

Negi jerked back, blushing as well. "N-NO! THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!"

Kazumi chuckled. "Sensei, there's no need to be so shy! If you think you need someone else to live with, just say so! I have no roommate, for instance..." she giggled.

"N-No!" he quickly refused. "Um, I mean no offense, it's just I'm already happy where I am!"

"Then why have you just asked that?" Haruna pressed on.

"It was a social experiment," he lied. Chisame put a hand over her face.

"I'd accept being your partner at anything, whenever you want!" Ayaka jumped up at the chance. Her choice of the 'partner' word was a coincidence, but it still struck a chord with him. Maybe she was the right choice? After all, she was responsible, earnest, and she sure knew how to fight...

He reprimanded himself mentally. No, it was just wrong! Chamo had to be wrong, too! He couldn't keep on thinking about THAT...

"I... I think I need some fresh air," he excused himself, getting up. "Sorry, really. We'll continue later, okay? I'll call on Itoshiki-sensei so you can have your Literature lessons now..."

The boy rushed for the door, stumbled facefirst into its frame, and only then managed to walk out at a still unsteady and nervous pace.

"Sensei" Chisame rose up from her seat, going after him.

"Wait a moment, Hasegawa-san!" Ayaka stopped her at the door. "Do you know what is happening to him?"

"Well, it's just he... He has something very important to do and needs someone to help him with it," the hacker invented a reply on the fly. "Excuse me, please," she slipped out of Ayaka's grip to continue going after their teacher.

The Class Rep fumed in disbelief. "That doesn't explain anything at all!"

"Fu, fu, fu..." Kaede chuckled. "The counselor needs our counseling, de-gozaru..."

Makie turned to look at Hakase. "Prof, can you explain... to... us...?"

The rest of the class looked in dread at the huge black cloud looming over the sulking Satomi's head.

"Maybe we'd better leave it at this for now," Akira suggested.

Misora sank down into her seat, thankful of being forgotten.

* * *

 

**Act Four:**

Negi leaned forward with his hands firmly gripping the metal rail at the edge of the lonely rooftop. With his staff lying at a side and his head low, his hair fell over his face, obscuring it from sight for a long, long while, even when Chisame, Satomi and Misora finally found him there after classes.

"Oh, here you are," the tallest of the three girls began to chastise him. "What was the great idea, disappearing like that? Did you think that was going to fix anything? I spent so much time looking for you, I missed two classes!"

"I'm sorry," he blandly said, without looking up.

"Hrmmm," Chisame grumbled, noticing he barely was paying any attention to her. She walked to his side, closely followed by the two other students, and offered him a sandwich. "You haven't even eaten yet, have you?"

"I'm not hungry," he said.

"Eat before we forcefeed it to you," Hakase humorlessly ordered. "If you want to work as an adult, then start acting as one. Moping like a scared child won't help anyone."

Kasuga made a disagreeing sound. "Moping like a scared child isn't that bad when there are motives for it!"

"I'm not scared!" Negi looked back at them.

"Yeah, right," Hasegawa snarked. "Look, I'm not going to nail you to a cross over it. I'm rather afraid of what's gonna happen myself. But maybe, if we stop cowering and think of something, we might—" she reluctantly started.

"Ah, ha ha ha ha!" a voice came from behind them. "You? What good could ever come from joining your pathetic forces together?"

They all looked around to see Evangeline and Chachamaru, clad in full school regalia, striding ahead to meet them. Misora backpedalled frantically, while Negi picked his staff up and assumed a fighting stance, shielding Chisame's body with an arm. Hakase, however, eluded the protection to charge ahead towards Chachamaru.

"You! I hope you realize you have several explanations to supply me with! And you!" she looked at Eva. "I expected better from you! I devoted months and months of effort and investments on Chachamaru! If you think I'm going to allow anyone to—"

"Step aside, insect," the blonde snarled icily at her. "God, I don't know how I could stand you for so long. Can't you see it? Chachamaru is with me because she wants to."

"That is correct, Hakase-san," the robot bowed as politely as ever. "I am highly sorry. But I cannot leave the Master alone."

"Don't say such nonsense," Satomi argued. "What has happened to your programming? Did she find some way to rewrite your personality?"

"My personality is still the same as before, Hakase-san" the gynoid softly replied. "The only actual change I went through was gaining full control over my own decisions."

"What? Overriding my directives?" Satomi blinked. "Don't be absurd. You are not qualified to reach that level of self development yet."

"Chao-san finished the Prometheus upgrade," the living mecha calmly answered.

Hakase's eyes grew wider. "It can't be. We had reached a dead end..."

"No, you thought you had," Chachamaru disagreed. "You never placed any hopes on it from the start. So Chao-san continued working on it by herself."

The scientist clenched her teeth. "Chao..."

"She did the right thing," Evangeline smiled. "Hah! For all your talk, you are nothing but a ragtag bunch of hypocrites. You never cared at all about Chachamaru's actual feelings, about her own decisions. All you wanted was someone at your side to keep me away from you..."

"That isn't true!" Negi energically protested.

Eva gave him a sardonic look. "Oh, you're such a bore. Luckily, I'm going to skip all your classes from now on. Yes, I can say this semester is going to be much easier with you as my teacher!"

Negi cringed back, as if his face had just been slapped.

"Dammit, Evangeline," Chisame groaned. "Now that was low. You didn't have to rub that on the brat's face..."

"As if I cared about your opinions," the vampiress turned her back on them. "I should smash you here and now, but I have no hurry. Your doom will befall you when you least expect it. Until then, suffer and despair over your failure! And if you ever try to tell Takahata or the old man about this, I'll feast on all the other bimbos before you can even blink! Keep that in mind, Boyo, and jut get ready for your undoing!"

It was an empty threat due to her recent promise to Chachamaru, and both she and her assistant knew it. But she still loved to deliver such a menacing remark, so convincing, so harsh, so... evil! It reminded her so much of the old times it made her dead heart to feel a bit warm again.

Laughing that old evil, blood curling laugh (even if a bit rusty at this point), the Nosferatu walked down the stairs and out of sight, with Chachamaru devoting the others a brief final bow and a polite 'Farewell' before following her down.

When they were alone again, Chisame's heart finally slowed down enough for its beats to allow her to listen to Misora's clattering teeth. Hakase had just become a salt statue, and Negi was not faring better at all, with his face buried between his hands.

"Negi-kun!" the runner finally wailed in panic, grabbing him by a sleeve. "This is it! We must make a Pactio or we're dead meat! You just heard her! She won't stop until we're done!"

"As much as I hate to admit it... you could be right" Chisame numbly conceded. "Although I wonder if, even with powerups, we're up to the task."

"You're right!" Misora nodded quickly. "What if we convince Asuna to help? She's in great shape, and she's almost as fast as me..."

"I dunno," Chisame doubted. "We need someone smart as well, and Kagurazaka doesn't exactly fit the bill at all..."

"Don't tell me you are thinking of Bookstore-chan," Kasuga moaned. "She faints whenever a breeze hits her from a wrong angle!"

"Well, duh, but what about Iincho? She's almost as strong as Kagurazaka, much smarter, and she can keep a secret. And she's so ga-ga over Sensei, she—"

"Chacha... maru..." Hakase babbled weakly then.

Finally, Negi let out a huge sob and shook his head. "No. No, I won't endanger anyone else ever again!"

"Sensei?" Chisame looked at him.

"Forgive me, please!" he begged, his eyes tearing up as he jumped into his broom and quickly flew up and away before anyone could stop him.

"Ah, wait! Haven't you been listening to what—!" Chisame slammed a foot down. "Damn crybaby! How can we help someone who's like that!"

"Sensei..." Satomi looked up at the graying sky, snapping out of her own distressed funk. "That was a great risk to take. What if someone sees him flying around the grounds?"

"That's the least of our concerns now!" Chisame pointed in the direction he had taken. "Over there, all there is are woods and hills, and that brat gets lost even at the bathroom! We must find him before nightfall!"

Misora ran a hand through her own hair. "God, give us strength..."

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

As he flew high over the borders of the woods, getting further away from the Academy, Negi began wondering if he hadn't just made another mistake. The looks on the girls' faces when he fled tugged on his heartstrings. But it was for their own good, wasn't it?

As long as he was with them, all of them would be a target for Evangeline's revenge. For fifteen years, she had not attacked her classmates, until he came along. And he already had further endangered Hasegawa-san, Hakase-san and Kasuga-san more than enough. No one else would have to suffer because of him.

It was starting to rain, the tiny cold droplets hitting his face and melding with some tears.

_In any case, I can't keep on running away forever..._ he thought. _Maybe I should return to Wales; that way she'll forget me for good. I'm not that good a teacher anyway..._

His sister's face seemed to flash into his mind then. He remembered her words of encouragement, her kind support, her high hopes for him. And then there was Anya, promising to do her best at London, making him to swear to not stay behind. To never fear.

He shuddered as the cold became a thick blanket of water hammering down on him. Was the correct thing now to fear, or not to fear? Should he bet on a showdown when his students' safety was in risk? Who was he to decide that?

The wind grew stronger, throwing his flight slightly off balance. Still, he wouldn't stop brooding, barely keeping his mind into his flying.

_No, wait,_ the boy reminded himself. _Remember what Chachamaru said. Once Evangeline-san sets her mind on revenge, she never lets it go... and she swore revenge on the girls, too! If I'm not there, who will protect them? I'm a fool... I must get back there!_

He turned the staff around with a sudden twist of his hands, but the abrupt U-Turn, coupled with the sheer force of the latest burst of wind, made him to lose balance and to crash against the top of a pine. With a yelp, his vision obscured, he fell from his staff and plummeted down to the ground, vainly trying to grasp for something to break his fall.

"HELP!" he yelled, right before falling into the raging waters of a river below. The currents shook him around like a doll, before he finally could swim his way to shore, coughing up and wet from head to toes.

He struggled back to his feet, leaning against a tree's trunk, hugging his own body and trembling. "Whu-Where am I?". He looked around, "Oh no! And my staff! Where's my staff?"

He began looking for it, stumbling under the rain, his feet waddling in the mud. The staff was nowhere to be seen, not between the bushes, not under or besides any rocks, not caught into any branches at sight.

"Mea Virga!" he called out. "Mea Virga!"

With no results. Had he even lost his magic? He remembered the Magus' teachings, to control his mind before casting a spell, but the stress was simply too much for him to allow him a clear thinking. He just continued panicking, feeling around for his treasure, calling for it until his voice went hoarse.

And then there were howls in the distance. Wolves? Were there wolves in that area? It only added to his fear, spurring him to aimlessly wander around deeper into the forest.

"Help!" he cried. "Sister! Chamo! Hasegawa-san! Father!"

He knew it was useless, but he was just too scared to care. He only wanted to be found and saved, to be rescued and protected, to be—

"FATHER-!"

He slipped and fell on his face into the clay-like ground, whimpering to himself. He didn't even have the strenght or the will to stand up. He only stayed there for a few moments, cursing his luck, until he heard steps near him. Maybe they were the wolves. Or Evangeline. Maybe it was his fate. If so, he would accept it.

"Look, Shiho." He heard an even, stern voice. "I told you I had heard screams."

That made him to lift his face up, his eyes gaining a sudden revived spark of hope.

Before him, tall and imposing despite being just as soaked as him, Tatsumiya Mana stood carrying a large backpack on her, and a rifle in a hand. Right behind her there was a short redhead girl carrying an even larger backpack, stiffled under its weight, sneezing and groaning to herself. Her hair had been arranged into four tentacle-like pigtails which now hung down half-undone over her shoulders.

"T-T-Tatsumiya-san!" he sprang back to his feet and enveloped his pupil's waist in a desperate tight embrace, burying his tearful face against her stomach. "Thank God...!"

"Sensei," she simply said, emotionlessly.

The younger girl gave him a dismissive look. "So this is the famous child teacher, huh? I must say I was thinking about something better..."

* * *

 

**Act Six:**

"Over here" Mana instructed while guiding the two younger minors through the rainstorm and up the hill, leading them into a small dark cavern. "I have used this cave before. We should be safe here."

Negi and Shiho shuddered as they walked in, leaving a wide trail of water behind themselves. The small redhead finished undoing her messed pigtails up, allowing her hair to cascade around freely. "I-I'm so cold..." she whined.

"Yes, me too... Munakata-san, wasn't it?" the boy nodded, crouching down to hug himself tightly. "i think we need a bonfire... I'll go out for some wood and—"

"Like I said, I sometimes use this cave while I'm scouting this area" Mana calmly strode towards the deep end of the dark place, kneeling next to a huge box stashed there and pulling out several pieces of wood from it. "It always pays to have some safety measures stashed for a patrol gone wrong, Sensei."

"Oh! That's good. Very... well thought," he helped her to gather the wood around and light the bonfire up with his pocket lighter. He held his hands up over it, smiling at the newfound warmth. "Ahhh. I feel so much better now..." Then he sneezed. It was only a small sneeze; barely enough to waver the girl's clothes around, but it still put the fire out. "Gah! Sorry!"

"What a freak weather we're having," Shiho looked out the cave. Mana sighed and restarted the fire with her own lighter before feeling Negi's shirt up.

"Get undressed," she told them both.

Both youngsters reacted with a startled jump back. "WHAT?" they chorused.

"I'm not kidding," Tatsumiya deadpanned, deadly serious, while starting to pull her soaked white hakama shirt over her head. "Sensei, you have just recently come out of a cold, haven't you? Your body defenses must be still low, and you'll suffer a worst one if you don't get dry soon. As for you, Shiho, you start coughing for three weeks after taking a cold shower for too long. You know it's true."

"I-I'll be okay, really!" Negi began to wave a hand around. He looked aside, since Mana's chest was barely being covered by a few thick bandages barely holding her large round breasts, and she was undoing those very same bandages now without any care in the world.

"Oneesama, he's a boy!" Shiho made a suffering face, pointing with both hands at him. "You can't really expect me to strip in front of him!"

Mana gave her a blank stare. "Like you said, he's only a child. He won't even mind."

"I do!" Negi spouted off, quickly turning around with a heavy blush as Mana tossed the bandages aside. "I mean, I do care about not betraying anyone's right to intimacy! I'll sleep outside under a tree if you really need to—"

"Oh, stop playing around" Merely annoyed, Mana forcefully grabbed him and began to tug his shirt and tie off. "This is not a matter of prim prudishness! It's about practicality at the battlefield! Do you want to fall ill and cause Hasegawa and Hakase more problems?"

"Ahhhh! Ehhh! No, no, stop that!" he squirmed. "I'll promise I'll do it myself, but please let me go!"

"You just gave your word on it," Mana let him go, only to pounce on her kouhai immediately afterwards. "You too, Shiho! This isn't the first time you've done this with me!"

"Aiiieee!" the petite girl shrieked. "No, Oneesama, no! I'll do it too, but don't—!" she protested as the tall girl overpowered her, stripping her down at a very fast rate. "And your phrasing of that last sentence could have been better!"

Negi's face was as red as a tomato as he finally sat down reduced to his boxers, still not looking at them. But Tatsumiya grabbed him again and yanked the wet underwear off as well. "These must go out, too."

"Ahh, no!" he was fast to press his hands over his crotch. "Have some mercy, please!"

From where she sat fully naked with her back equally turned to them, looking at the exact opposite direction, Munakata pouted and flushed scarlet. "Oneesama has never been known for her mercy!"

"Honestly, what pair of babies," Mana dryly disapproved, pulling her own pants down, then opening the girls' backpacks and looking into them for blankets. However, too much water had leaked into most of them, rendering them useless for the time being. Finally, she found the largest and thickest one of the bunch still was dry enough, making her to nod. "This will have to suffice."

She forced Shiho to turn around, sitting her down, and then pushing Negi into a sitting position on the redhead's lap, so he couldn't look at her but she could look down at him. Then the tanned female carefully wrapped the blanket over them. "I'll join you in a minute," she said.

Negi's mind had just been too broken to think of a proper reply, but Shiho still could yell defiantly. "WH-WHAT THE HELL, ONEESAMA! DO YOU WANT TO RENDER ME USELESS FOR MARRIAGE?"

"We'll need to share body heat for the night," Mana clinically analyzed while walking around to gather the discarded wet clothes and hang them on rocks around the fire. "So hold him tight. That's an order".

Shiho fumed madly. "You mistake me for a... for some sort of perverted nanny!"

"Just do it," her sempai shot her enough of a murderous glare to instantly subdue Shiho into pressing Negi's back against her front. "Better."

Negi was already feeling hot-faced enough for the next three years. He nearly was blowing steam out of his ears. By walking around in all directions, Tatsumiya was giving her more viewing of naked female flesh than he ever had seen before, even including his brief glimpses of Chisame after a sneeze. Then he remembered he could just close his eyes, and he did it as tightly as he could, but he was sure the mental images of what he had just seen would never go away.

Mana then sat right behind Shiho, pulling part of the blanket over herself as well, and hugging both youngsters against her body. Shiho blushed at the feeling of those large globes pressed against her back, but at the same time, it calmed her down to some degree. That and the soothing sensation of her sempai's long legs enveloping her, framing her thin figure up.

The three sat in silence next to the fire for a few moments, experiencing how the warmth slowly returned to them. Until Negi finally could speak again, and he chose to ask a question to distract his confused mind.

"Um, Tatsumiya-san... Why were you here after classes, anyway?"

"We were called for a hunt," Mana replied without missing a beat. "We received reports an 'Orphan' had just breached through the Mahora district's barriers, and we came to destroy it before it reached any populated area".

"An orphan?" the teacher asked.

"They call him 'Orphans' because they have no known origin," the tall student answered. "No one knows what are they, or why are they here, but some believe the World Tree attracts them. They are savage creatures who attack anyone on their path; however, only a few of us can see and hear them. It's our duty as Mikos and protectors of Mahora to eliminate them before they harm our peers. We were on the hunt for it when the rainstorm started".

"So that thing... is still out there?" Negi asked.

"Yes. But it's useless to look for it under these conditions," the 2-A student nodded stoically. "We'll have to restart the search at dawn".

"So you will skip classes tomorrow?" the teacher frowned.

"I'm afraid so. Sorry," she didn't sound apologetic.

He sighed. "I guess I might have to skip them as well..."

"And what were YOU doing here?" Shiho questioned him.

"I—" Negi's voice trailed off.

"Did you fight with your roommates?" Mana asked.

"No! It wasn't that. I was just... afraid of something, and ran out. I'm an idiot," his head sank down. "They must be dead worried about me, and I can't even call on them... to tell them I'm okay. I think I lost my cellphone when I fell from my— when I arrived here."

Shiho looked like she wanted to ask more, but Mana stopped her placing a finger over her lips, softly.

"Sensei," the tall girl said. "It's okay to be afraid at your age. I was afraid when I was an apprentice, too. And Shiho STILL is afraid all the time..."

"ONEESAMA!"

Mana chuckled, then ran her fingers softly over Negi's cheeks, making him to shiver. "Sensei, to overcome your fears, you must start by believing yourself, and those who stand next to you. Open yourself to those who care about you instead of trying to do everything by yourself. You're still young, so you will need a lot of help for now... and even so, we all need help to some level or another for most of our lives. Even I need Shiho's help."

"That's nice for you to admit for once, Oneesama," the redhaired one scoffed haughtily.

The tall beautiful girl rocked them back and forth in her embrace. "Sleep well," she whispered. "You'll need the rest."

"O... Okay. Thank you very much," Negi attempted to relax enough to catch some sleep. Much to his surprise, it was easier than he thought. The day's events had left him so tired, even his embarrassment was not enough to keep him awake as soon as he attempted to lie back onto the naked Mikos. He was soundly asleep before he even knew it had stopped to rain.

He woke up briefly, what he roughly guessed was two hours or so later. The sounds of rain had stopped, but the night breeze coming from outside still felt chilly. However, he continued feeling warm and comfortable, surrounded by Mana's arms. The lead Miko was still awake, with a neutral face on, absently looking out into the night.

However, Shiho made diminutive snoring sounds, with her chin resting on Negi's left shoulder, and her mouth lightly drooling until it dripped into his chest. She mumbled in her dreams, seemingly very content and giggling at random intervals.

"Mmmmm... Tate-Oniichan... Oneesama... Mmmmmmm... No, you mustn't... Mmmmmmm... Mmm, Shiho's a luck grrrl..."

Negi began to sweat cold again. Instinctively, he decided to just run away for home if she started glomping around.

He also wondered exactly WHAT were those two hard tiny things poking at his back now.

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

"Tatsumiya-san," he finally spoke again, rather stiffly.

"Hm?" his student hummed keeping her eyes half-closed.

"I think I need... to go to the restroom, if I may use the expression," he timidly said.

"There's a whole forest out there. Just don't wander too far," Mana spoke with apparent indifference.

He couldn't help blushing again. "Okay..." he gulped before drawing courage in, covering his lower parts with his hands again, and standing up carefully in a way that would not wake Shiho up, and running out of the cave in a rather comical fashion. Mana almost felt tempted to chuckle. Truly, he was still only a child.

The girl in her arms squirmed. "Oneesama..." she sleepily muttered.

The older Miko calmed her down back into a deeper sleep by softly caressing her unbound hair.

Negi stopped a few feet out of the cave and positioned himself standing behind a tree. He exhaled a long sigh as he relieved himself. For a few moments he felt at peace with the universe, briefly unconcerned about his nudity in the chilly wilderness alone with two girls, until he heard a faint grumble at his feet.

He looked down, startled. A large glowing red circle had just appeared at the small patch of now wet grass before him, and something was poking a huge grotesque head out of it. Negi backed away, clenching his teeth.

The head was gray and insectoid, with two short and stubby hornlike antennae. It was armed with pincer-like jaws, and it also had two shiny oval scarlet eyes. The animal continued pulling itself out of the circular portal, dragging more than four feet of thick and bulbous centipedesque body up, waggling several pairs of short and robust legs around.

It looked straight at the boy, as if measuring him up and down for a few seconds. Then it roared.

"Tatsumiya-san!" Negi jumped up and made a frantic beeline straight into the cave. "We have to get out of here!"

"Huh?" Shiho blinked, lifting her head up, then flushing like crazy and covering her eyes at the sight of the boy bursting in. "Kyaa! Cover yourself, you little perv!"

"Ah, ah, sorry!" Negi quickly remembered his nudity and pressed his hands back over his privacy.

Mana, however, did not care. She was too busy already reaching into her backpack and pulling two handguns out, taking one in each hand. "Shiho!" she sternly instructed. "Forget that! The 'Orphan' is here!"

"The 'Orphan'?" the apprentice peeked in between her fingers, only to gasp at the vision of the gigantic critter at the entrance of the cavern, attempting to force its way in, chomping at the air while trying to squeeze itself inside. "Gahhh!"

Tatsumiya, fully unconcerned about her disrobed state, opened fire on the antennaed head. However, other than making the thing to howl, the bullets seemed to have little effect, not even drawing blood out.

"Shiho! The flute!" Mana yelled again.

"O-On it, Oneesama!" the redhead wrapped the blanket around herself as best as she could, then raced towards her own backpack. Negi had made a desperate run for his own clothes, looking for his magical wand, but Shiho pushed him aside before he could grab it. "Out of my way, you brat!"

She put her hands on a flute and started to play it. It was a hauntingly sad tune, not unpleasant for Negi, but very unsettling all the same. However, it did make the 'Orphan' to recoil in apparent agonic pain, shaking and scratching the ground with its feet. Mana made a bullseye on one of its eyes, blowing it off in a shower of gore. Expertly, she kept on shooting as the music continued, causing more and more damage to the beast.

Negi was amazed. Then his awe turned to fear when he saw the monster spitting a thick glop of green at Shiho, forcing him to tackle her out of its path. "Look out!"

"Kya!" she lost her balance and fell on her back, with him falling on top of her. Quickly, she pushed him off herself, blushing heavily, not really noticing the acidic, burning spot the liquid had left at the spot where she had been seconds before. "No! You... Look out!" she pushed him aside in turn, both of them barely dodging the next spit of acid. "Geez, that was a close one!"

"Tha.. Thank you!" he stammered, grabbing onto her for support.

"Shiho! Keep it going!" Mana quickly reloaded, then kept on shooting. "We almost have it now!"

"Yes, Oneesama!" her kouhai put her lips back on her flute and kept on playing, making the monstrosity to crouch down in abject pain. Mana stepped closer; putting a few more bullets between its eyes, before it finally slumped down with a thud. The beast shook wildly in a few final stertors, then stopped moving at all.

Tatsumiya waited for a few more moments, and only after she was reasonably sure it had died, she poked it with a bare foot. No reply.

Wearily, she looked back at the two youngsters behind her. "Are you two okay?"

Shiho only nodded wordlessly.

"Y-Yes" Negi stuttered. "We... We are..." Then he remembered that was Tatsumiya-san's bare (and very shapely) behind he was looking at, and quickly averted his gaze again. "S-Sorry!"

Mana turned back to face him, still not showing shame (but showing everything else). "Sensei, you really need to stop being so prudish" she dryly opined.

Shiho passed a hand over her own face. "For the love of the Kami, Oneesama, just cover yourself up." She then looked at Negi. "By the way, how could you see the 'Orphan'? Do you have some kind of gift of your own?"

"Ah, ah, uh, no, not that I know of," he lied.

Mana patted his head down. "Well, you know you have one now," she chuckled. "That was an 'Orphan' in action. I'll bet you never saw anything like it before, huh? Not anyone can see them, much less to kill them. Even I couldn't do it without Shiho's powers to aid me."

The apprentice grinned proudly.

"That almost makes up for how much of a weight she is at everything else," Mana finished.

"ONEESAMA!" the smaller girl shrieked, her temper soured.

Negi looked up at Mana's eyes with newfound respect. She was so strong, so brave, so determined. "Tatsumiya-san..." he breathed.

"Yes, Sensei?"

His lips trembled. "W-Would you like to be my... my...?"

"Heeeeeyyyyy!" Shiho caught his neck in a painful grip. "Watch where are you going, brat! You aren't in any age to ask THAT from Oneesama!"

Mana nearly laughed. "I don't think that's what he meant, Shiho!"

She put a hand over his right cheek. "Sensei, you have people around you that can be of more help to you than me. Look closer around yourself, and you'll find what you look for. Trust your friends. Because I have devoted myself to another path in life."

"Uh? Oh... Yes. Of course," he dumbly nodded.

"And besides, my services aren't cheap. I doubt a teacher's salary could pay my continued employment as a bodyguard," the tall mercenary pointed out.

"She's right," Munakata nodded her agreement.

"Still, because you are my teacher, I will give you some free advice," Mana cautioned him. "To succeed, you must find your inner focus. Control yourself before you can control your abilities. To work properly, your mind must be at peace with itself. Master your own emotions and you can master anything else as well."

He kept on looking at her eyes. Mainly to avoid looking further down. "I... I'll remember that!"

"Good" Mana seemed satisfied. "However, who knows? Maybe someday, you'll be able to... guarantee my reward for my services..."

Shiho sniffed. "Why does that 'Orphan' smell of urine?"

Negi sweatdropped. "Ahhh, I guess that's another unexplained mystery...?"

**Act Eight:**

He reopened his eyes as the very first rays of light filtered into the cave, signaling the arrival of the dawn. Negi sat up and moaned rubbing his eyes, then looked back at the girls. Mana seemed to sleep with Shiho definitely well asleep, supporting her head onto the taller's girl bosom.

Blushing again, he scrambled to look elsewhere, fumbling around until he found his now dry clothes. He put them back on and sighed, pulling a pen and a piece of paper out.

_Thank you for Everything. I'll be okay_ , he wrote before leaving the note at their right.

Then he walked outside, breathing very deeply. He closed his eyes and remembered Mana's advice. To find his own balance. To channel his own power. To master his own magic. Calm. Serenity. Concentration.

He lifted his right hand up and called again, with an even and soft voice. "Mea Virga".

And he could feel it, poking like a gentle needle at the back of his mind. He sensed the power of his inherited treasure, calling out for him just as he called out for it. He commanded for it to come. And it did.

In a whoosh of swift air, almost booming, the staff came flying from the woods and into his waiting hand. He caught it easily and smiled at it before mounting it. As they started to float up, he gave a final fond glimpse at the cave. In a way, they vaguely reminded him of his sister and Anya.

"Thank you, girls," he whispered before taking up.

Munakata Shiho squirmed and groaned, opening her eyes lazily as she felt the lack of contact with Negi's body. Absently, her gaze looked around for him until she gasped, seeing him with his back turned to them and flying away riding a wooden staff. She was about to shriek, but then found Mana's right hand firmly covering her mouth from behind.

"Silence," her Sempai icily commanded.

Shiho nervously nodded as the boy vanished from sight, and only then her mouth was released. She anxiously looked back at her Oneesama, her eyes demanding for an answer.

"You won't tell about this to anyone. Not even to Tate Yuuichi," Mana strictly instructed.

"But—"

"No buts."

"O-Of course not, Oneesama! But— But—"

"Yes" the older girl nodded. "He is a mage."

Shiho looked up at the sky, amazed. "Oh...! I knew mages existed, of course, but I never had seen one!"

"You have met several, several times," Tatsumiya shrugged. "They don't flaunt it around."

Shiho scowled. "I suppose you won't tell me who are they?"

"You suppose well."

"Itoshiki-sensei is one of them, right? No way that huge dark aura belongs to a normal human..."

"Think whatever you want," Mana dismissed callously.

Shiho pouted and looked down, but then her Sempai ran a hand through her red hair.

"Shiho, you are special as well, in your own way," she softly told her. Her hand briefly moved a lock of thick hair up, allowing her to see the small mark on Shiho's upper forehead again. "You just aren't ready yet to get the full picture, and neither is he. Continue your training, and perhaps, sooner than you think, I will share my secrets with you."

The smaller girl hugged her. "Thank you, Oneesama."

"Hmm. You're welcome." She relaxed back, petting her head and closing her eyes.

Getting dressed and going for breakfast could wait for a while.

Meanwhile, Negi flew back towards the Academy, speeding as much as he could, hoping to reach his dormitory in time for a shower, a breakfast, and some much needed apologies he had to offer. However, he stopped upon seeing three human figures stalking through the forest below. With a gasp, he zoomed down to meet them.

"Hasegawa-san! Hakase-san! Kasuga-san!" he called. "Are you okay?"

Chisame looked up with wide eyes. "Sensei!"

All three of them were carrying large backpacks and clad in exploring fatigues, he noticed while landing before them, bowing profusely. "I'm very sorry! I shouldn't have done that! I regret causing you so many concerns!"

Chisame punched him in the head. "You should, you stupid brat!" she fumed madly, sniffing as if she had been sneezing or crying, or both. "We were wandering around for hours, fearing for the worst! Why must you be so problematic?" She checked his face and neck. "You okay, idiot? Didn't you run into them?"

Misora gave him a hug. "Ha, ha, I knew you'd be okay, you little fool!"

Hakase sighed. "Weren't you the one crying the most about how we would find his corpse after a week?"

Misora shot her a killer glare. "Just because you have no emotions, it doesn't give you the right to exaggerate mine!"

Negi stared at all of them, deeply moved. "Girls... You ventured into the wild all alone, with Evangeline-san on the loose... just to protect me...?"

"Yeah, we... aren't too bright either" Chisame reluctantly growled. "And Iincho would fry us alive if anything happened to you."

"Sensei" Satomi spoke clearly. "We have reached a decision, too. To help you to deal with the current situation, we will... errr... engage into... no, that is not quite the right term... we will... we, we will..."

Misora chuckled nervously. "Well, you know! It's the best thing for everyone, yeah... Assuming you want to do it..."

"You mean..." he blinked.

Chisame put her hands on his shoulders and blushed as she growled in frustration. "Yes, yes, you moron! What else could we mean? We're going to do that retarded 'Pactio' thing with you, okay?"

Slowly, he smiled with an expression of renewed confidence, and then nodded only once.

"Okay!" he said.

* * *

 

**NEXT:** Wild Cards!


	16. Lesson 13: Wild Cards

* * *

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Black Lagoon_ and all its characters belong to Hiroe Rei .

 _Zero no Tsukaima_ and all its characters belong to Yamaguchi Noboru and Usatsuka Eiji .

 _The Slayers_ belong to Kanzaka Hajime and Arazumi Rui.

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. Don't sue. Please.

A huge, huge thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for helping to correct this chapter, as well as adding a few lines and jokes. You'll recognize them because they are the good ones.

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-CHAPTER THIRTEEN.**

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act One:**

**Seven Years Ago… In America!**

Funny. He was wet all over now.

His skin tingled all over now, too.

The most annoying part, however, was the feeling he was having now. It was almost like the feeling you have when you are being told a joke you have heard far too many times by now, and you just want to shut the guy who's telling it up, but for some reason you can't.

Wait, now that was stupid. He could shut anyone he wanted up! Except maybe for the flying rat. But he was working on it. No hurry, really. As long as he continued being any fun...

But he was digressing. Or at least his mind was, which was no novelty, really, only adding to the odd sensation of _deja vu_.

Lazily, he opened his eyes up. And he found himself staring through a thick red haze. It smelled funny, too, and his head felt kinda tight at the sides.

Almost... as if he was wearing some sort of...

Hood.

What. The. Hell.

And then the liquid all around himself had seen fit to bubble up and swerve like an angry, capricious mistress, and shake him around and spit him up to the surface. Vomited up into the river's shore as the waters sounded like they laughed at him in all their poluted, filthy proud glory.

_I know I have been here before._

He laid there, motionless, for a moment, absently pondering what to do. Maybe just taking a nap. He felt tired after all. It wasn't like anyone would dare to mug him and rape him or something. But finally, he decided that was too boring and maybe he should humor the circumstances and play along for now. Having made up his mind at that, the man clawed his way across the wet coast until he was fully out of the river, then sat up and tugged the hood covering his head up, freeing his face.

It burned, in contact with the fresh air of the night. It itched too, especially around the mouth and the eyes.

He moaned while looking at his hands. Gloves, as it was to be expected. However, the skin of the wrists just above the gloves was quite concerning in its own way. It still was white, but it was almost as if it was gaining color. No, wait, it was the other way around. It was bleaching down to white, and rather quickly too! Why was it getting white? It already had been white. That made no freaking sense whatsoever, no sir.

And for once, that seemed wrong. How bothersome.

His eyes were leaking something out. Tears? He had never cried before. Why would he start now? Always the curious, he looked into the river's murky surface, and managed to see enough of his reflection to confirm they were, indeed, tears. Of blood. Oh well, that was better.

His eyes burned like hell, gone from their older pre-bath green to a sharp, inhuman greenish yellow, as stark as a knife through the heart. He had heard that joke once. It had been funny then. Helluva funny. But frankly, was there a need for a reprise now?

He stood up, feeling years younger in body, and yet years older in mind. Axis Chemical Factory was visible in the distance, towering up like a majestic, decadent castle smelling of sulphur and acid and a million different chemical ways to die.

He had not been there in years!

His mind roared through a collection of memories of all assorted kinds, like an egghead kid rummaging through his noggin right before the big test. He thoughtfully rubbed his still aching (and itchy) long pointy chin, green eyebrows going up and down in feverish thoughts, his mouth humming softly like an overgrown mosquito.

Gotham City, Commissioner Gordon, Laughing Fish, Mad Love, Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Poison Ivy and Bane, the Penguin, Metropolis, Iran and the United Nations, Sarajevo, Crowbar, Dead Robin (Dead Robin!), Red Hood. Harley Quinn, Utility Belt, a few shiny Jokermobiles. Someone named the Red Skull? And Carnage and Spider-Man too. Hyenas and arsenic, magical tricks, Zatanna and Superman and Lex Luthor. Dead Robin! Pudding and red roses, a No Man's Land. Why so Serious, Dancing with the Devil under the Pale Moonlight. Dead Robin! Pie-in-the-face, handbuzzers and Killer Croc and the Ventriloquist. Green Lantern? Hadn't Green Lantern arrested him once? Honestly, who hadn't.

The clown sat on the riverbank crossing his arms. That covered everything, didn't it? And then some.

Oh yes. There was also that Batman guy.

Satisfied he wasn't going insane, but he already was there, happy because he had been saved the work of getting there all the way down again, The Joker, Ace of Knaves, stood up with the grace of a man more than a decade younger. He looked back towards the dark city, so full of promising shadows and target practices, of conveniently abandoned circus themed hideouts and museums for every branch of human culture to rob.

Hnh. It looked different too. Maybe it was just the angle.

In any case, he felt like killing someone to blow some steam off. At a brisk pace, he started walking back towards the city.

He still felt like he was missing something.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Two:**

**Now… In America!**

The pale thin man finished putting the last card into place, then pulled back into his chair to give his just made castle a satisfied gaze. Seven whole floors of aces and jacks, of queens and hearts, of kings and spades. The pale man smiled at it like a normal man would smile to a son.

Then, without missing a beat, he batted a hand through it, sending cards flying all over the tiny room. He laughed.

Destroying always made the whole effort of building worth it. Still, he sighed as he slumped his shoulders down, a castle of cards was hardly a substitute for the real thing.

He was growing bored. It had been the fifth castle in the last two hours, ever since they brought him to the tiny room, chained both of his legs to a wall, and told him to wait before leaving. No one had come since then.

"I am hungry!" he lifted his head, looking at the ceiling camera.

He remained still looking at the camera, but nothing happened at all for the next five minutes. Until the camera turned itself off.

That made him to blink. The lights were still on, so no blackout. And, even after a full two minutes, the camera had not been turned back on, so clearly they had turned it off on purpose, or else a few orderlies would have walked in already.

"I was just stating I was hungry," he hummed, allowing his chin to rest on his hands. "I hadn't even asked for food, so you didn't have to take it that badly. You're all so mean to me. But I could forgive you if brought me a cheeseburger. Or if you let me go for a night at town. I promise I'll be back tomorrow early."

The door was opened from the outside right as he was about to shout for attention. A man walked in. He seemed young, tall and thin as well, but not as tall and not as thin as the pale one. His hair was dark, so black it had purplish tones all over, perhaps longer than average; and he smiled in a pleasant, slightly spaced out manner. He wore a formal black suit, with a priest's white collar, and he carried a long cane in a hand, with a large ruby red mesmerizing jewel embedded on the handle.

"Hello!" the visitor cheerfully greeted.

Suddenly taking a solemn attitude, the pale man put a hand over his chest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned…"

The priest laughed good naturedly. "Oh, no, no! Rest assured, I haven't come to enact any confessions!"

"Good thing, because I wasn't aware I was even in death row, much less with an execution scheduled for today," the pale man wiggled a finger into his right ear to scratch it thoroughly. "I can't perform properly when faced with such demanding deadlines. I would need at least ninety years more before being sure I can pull of a noteworthy death scene."

Then he cheered up visibly. "So, what can I do for you, Padre? "Can I do something for you? Milk? Cookies? Sleep with you? Kill you while you sleep?"

The unknown laughed softly as he sat down at the other side of the glass. "Sorry, but no on all accounts! Forgive me for the delay, please; it was difficult to... fill all the required demands... for this meeting"

"Hmmmmm," the pale man shuffled, gathering his cards back and shuffling them around. "Do you have any idea of how deadly boring is to be sitting there for hours without anything to entertain you but playcards? They won't even let me keep a pencil. Or string. Apparently, they are afraid I could try to strangle someone." A pause. "Again."

The other man sounded sympathetic, "I figure it must be tough on you"

"Oh, I'm used to tough. Tough things don't bother me. Boring things, however, do." He focused his suddenly angry, nearly demonic, shiny green eyes upon the visitor. "And, forgive my bluntness, you look very boring to me. No scaly green skin? No body made of mud? No empathy with all vegetal life?" He held a hand up. "You must be this high on the scale of weirdness to fit at this place, Mister!"

"My apologies," the other man said with a somewhat mocking bow.

The pale fellow sighed. "Then, what's your motive to be here? Greedy reporter hungry for an interview? Lawyer offering his expensive services? Disgruntled father looking for revenge? Last time I was allowed to be here, many, many months ago, a distressed mother managed to sneak a gun in and tried to add some unwanted lead to my diet. I had to disarm her and shoot her down instead. Poor thing. It was all over the news. At least she and her precious got to be together again."

"All is well when it ends well," the visitor nodded.

The prisoner chuckled. "True, true! Then, do you have a name? Or did you come for one? You look like an Eustace. Or a Dexter..."

"My real name doesn't matter much," the young looking man casually replied. "But you can call me Mister X!"

And you could call me Mistah J, but only one person can do that!" the pale man ran his fingers over the glass separating them, his greenish fingernails scratching it making a shrilling annoying sound. "Then, who sent you? Friend or Foe? No, scratch that off. Casual Foe or Deadly Foe?"

Almost sheepishly, the visitor scratched his chin with a single finger. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's a secret!" he said in a feigned bashful intonation.

The pale man huffed indignantly. "So! No real name, no given employer, and worst of all, no entertainment to offer! Talk about wasting my time." He looked away. "GUARDS!" he called out. "I need to use the men's room! To flush this turd down the toilet!"

"Oh! I never said I couldn't offer you any entertainment," the visitor quietly said, then slipped a thin booklet under the glass and into the prisoner's hands. "This is... a long term project we need some help with. I'm sure you could find it to be interesting, to some degree or another..."

The extremely pale man snorted while flipping through the pages. "I don't do children's shows."

"These are not average children, though," his visitor said with a playful smile. "Why, one of them is even the responsible of all of this."

"All of what? The results of the last elections? The newest batch of reality shows? The cleaning lady not bothering with toilet duty at weekends anymore? What? What? Inquiring minds want to know! "

The visitor's smile became borderline devilish then, abruptly, his half closed violet eyes going fully open with a demonic spark in them. "ALL of THIS. All the times you have had to pass through ALL of THIS. Every loop, every repeat, every failure, every humiliation. Every past life going against your nemesis time and time again," he inhumanly hissed.

The pale man, for once, looked aghast, just staring at him with eyes as wide as plates.

"Yes, we know you know" the visitor whispered. "You remember. That's what makes you so special. That's why I'm here, and not anywhere else with anyone else who could pull this off. You know what I'm talking about. And you hate it. Given a chance to stop it... wouldn't you do ANYTHING for it?"

Slowly, creepily, the prisoner grinned in a wide conspirative way. "You truly are no ordinary priest, Lazy Eyes."

The other man laughed with a hand behind her head. "I can swear I'm nothing but a humble servant of my order! It's just I have been… a long, long time doing this, and well, I know all the secrets of my holy trade by now."

"I'll bet you do," the inmate nodded confidently. "But no, not anything, no," he shook a bony finger around. "You know, many of the events of these last few dozens of loops, assuming they weren't just delusions of my cracked mind, just like you, were actually a lot of fun! The idea of keeping myself bedeviling my dear opposite number for a few lives more is rather appealing! Sure, I'll have to take the good along with the bad, but that's life!"

"There won't be any more life if these loops keep happening" the other's tone grew serious. " **She** doesn't suspect it yet, but the time continuum has been gradually damaged by her trips and their after effects. Soon, maybe in the very next iteration, it all will crumble down. Otherwise, why do you think we'd be desperate enough to resort to you?"

"Ouch. That hurts!" He bit himself in a pinky finger.

"Well, you have to admit, you are... difficult to control."

"That'd be because I don't want to be controlled!"

"And you won't be," he offered. "All we ask from you is to go there in a few months and be yourself. Be a spanner in the works. Foil the plans of both sides of that bothersome equation, and we'll handle the rest."

The pale man hummed thoughtfully. "Ho-hum! Ho-hum! The way you phrase it, I'm not sure if you want me to be the savior of everything or its destroyer. Naturally, you'd have to be crazy to trust me as the savior of anything, but then again, you have just walked into an asylum."

"Both, actually" was the reply. "We'd do it ourselves, but we have been forbidden from direct intervention. However, rest assured, we are sworn to make sure no one but us destroy all of existence."

"Fellows gotta have their hobbies, I guess" the pale man indifferently looked at the booklet's pictures again. "Which one of these is the responsible?"

The visitor pointed at one of the photo. "This one."

"She's cute" the green eyed man smirked. "All of them are very cute. Even the boy. Like puppies, I mean! Yeah, that's it. Don't get me wrong, the only boys I like that other way are Batboys. Yeah. Honest. For real! And I'm not being suspiciously specific in my denial! At all! Unless I'm doing it to screw around with your mind. Not your body. Because I wouldn't throw ambiguous comments about your body unless I did it to screw around with your mi—" He interrupted himself, "I'm going in circles now, right?"

"Right!"

"Heee hee hee. Anyway, these are more cute like in the 'I'm such a cute puppy you just know you want to kick me' sense. And then you feel soooooo bad for kicking the puppy, but you also feel that won-der-ful guilty pleasure over it, just like that time when you indulged into eating a whole chocolate cake yourself. You still following me, son?"

"I think so, yes…"

"You should. Being able to follow conversations involving creepy underage innuendo and the end of the world is must in your line of job". He hammered with his fingers on the table for a few moments before nodding. "Okay, it sounds amusing enough. And I never had been a savior/destroyer before. I'll do it!"

"Thank you."

"But I'll need men. Many men," he warned.

"You'll have the best help we can supply you with. Much better than men."

 "Trained chimps?" he hopefully asked.

A chuckle. "Well, I won't disappoint you; maybe not THAT good!"

"And money. Tons of money."

"Material resources are no problem for us," he was reassured.

"Nice" the pale man nodded. "Can I get at least one honest and straight answer on something?"

"On what exactly?"

He looked at his eyes. "Why do I remember?"

The purple haired man shrugged his shoulders slowly, with an apologetic smile. "Even we don't fully know for sure. You're an... anomaly. Even for a human being. That's what makes you so interesting for us."

"You have just insulted me," he scoffed. "Calling me a human being. But you also called me an anomaly, so that balances it out!"

He shuffled the cards around again.

"It's time to bring the real castle down now".

And then he ominously hummed, "Dum dum, dum..."

"What was that for?" the visitor asked.

"Mood setting. Foreshadowing," the prisoner dryly explained.

"Foreshadowing for what?"

The white skinned man gave a quick jaded glare aside, as if looking at someone else, shrugged his shoulders, then looked back at the other man in a condescending way. "Forget it. You just wouldn't understand".

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Three:**

Cocone watched quietly, sitting at her bed's edge, her bare feet hanging down. After coming back from classes, Misora had started prettying herself, which was quite unlike her. It was noticeable in the way she clumsily powdered her face off, overdoing it.

Finally, the little girl walked off the bed and extended a hand towards her friend, without saying a word. She didn't need to. Understanding immediately, Kasuga sheepishly handed her the makeup kit and held her own face still before her roommate. "Thanks," she whispered.

Cocone said nothing, but started carefully applying the makeup on her friend's face, correcting her mistakes. Misora wondered where she had learned that; she was only a child, and she never had used makeup herself. But she still was as competent at it as she was at almost everything else. She was over soon; it had been a light job, proper for a sister in training's face. Not spectacular or particularly eye catching, but Misora herself preferred it that way, nodding as she looked at her image in the bedroom's mirror.

"Thanks again," she repeated, fondly petting the smaller girl's black hair.

Cocone spoke then. Almost impossible to hear, as always.

"Where are you going?"

A brief sigh. "I told you before, Cocone-chan. Out with some friends from 2-A."

The younger sister lowered her head, and then, even more unusually, she spoke anew, this time to ask for a favor. An uncanny rarity on itself.

"Can I go with you?"

Misora hesitated visibly, nearly biting her tongue before it betrayed her in any way.

Cocone just looked at her with those inexpressive, yet deep and alluring eyes of her, for a few tense moments before looking away, heading back towards the bed. "It's okay."

"W-Wait, Cocone-chan," Misora gasped. "It's not like I don't want to bring you. It's just, well, um, it's a thing between... older girls. You, ahhhh... would get bored."

Cocone simply nodded in a sparse fashion as she sat back on the bed.

Misora ran a hand over her own face. "Look, I know I have spent far too long apart from you lately. I'm sorry. I'll make up for it later, I promise. It's just... I've had other things to do lately."

The little girl nodded understandingly. "Since he arrived," she flatly whispered.

The sprinter's eyes sprang wider.

Then, slowly, defeated, she lowered her head back. "Drat, why can't I ever hide anything from you?" she lamented.

Cocone balled a tiny fist up and softly gave her a vacant knock on the head.

"Enjoy your date," she adviced.

"IT ISN'T A DATE!"

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Four:**

Chisame sighed for the fifteenth time that afternoon as she finished adjusting Negi's tie.

The boy already was losing his confidence from the prior day as the fateful hour approached. Truth be told, she couldn't blame him that much. She also had those annoying butterflies wrecking havoc in her stomach; she only hoped they were the butterflies of fear over doing something stupid, immoral, illegal and completely wrong, and not butterflies of... anxiety about... the imminent act of close physical contact itself.

Even the normally unflappable Hakase seemed uncomfortable and tense while attempting to tie her pigtails back after her shower. Wearing a blue bathrobe and slippers, she sat before the bedroom's mirror with a distinctly troubled expression on her face.

A girl's first time must be important, Misora had said. A Pactio, even a probationary one, can't be done so lightly, Misora had said. Idiotic Misora, what could she know about kisses? Now she had forced it all to blow out of proportion. It could have been short and to the point, a brief bitter step solved in a matter of minutes, but no, now they had to stage it as if it were a gorramn romantic date. With a snot nosed brat.

The freaking ermine was the only one who looked happy, gleefully hopping around picking several chunks of chalk up. "Hurry up, Chiu-chi! The sooner this is done, the better, don't you agree?" he giggled evilly like a schoolgirl on helium. Or Haruna in an average day. It was pretty much the same thing.

"SHUT UP OR I SWEAR I WON'T DO IT!" Chisame threatened.

Negi seemed to jump on the chance. "W-We don't have to do it if you don't want so!"

Hasegawa shook her head. "You moron, didn't we talk about that long and hard yesterday?" She started combing his hair carefully. "It's not like we have an alternative, right? We have to do what we must to survive"

"Th-There must be another way..." his voice cracked. "There's always another way..."

"And I doubt Evangeline is going to stand still while you find it," Chisame reminded him. "We have no idea on when will she strike, remember?"

"Actually," Satomi piped in "the reports of all previous attacks show they happened on full moon nights. It would seem her metahuman abilities are somehow linked to the lunar cycles. We still are a full week away from the next full moon, so we should be safe until then... but then again, I find no comfort on fully relying on that theory," she admitted.

Chisame nodded as she finished taming Negi's hair. "It's better this way, I suppose."

Then she turned her attention towards Satomi. "Hakase, I'm done with Sensei here. Now let me help you with your makeup."

Satomi looked at her with hugely wide eyes. "Makeup?"

Hasegawa scowled, sitting down before her and grabbing a pink lipstick up. "We'll look like idiots before that nun if she shows up looking better than us, won't we? Good Lord, a nun..."

"I believed you never cared about others' opinion regarding your appearance in real life…" Satomi weakly protested, trying to worm herself out as Chisame grabbed her by a cheek, keeping her still in place, then starting to softly run the pink shade over her lips.

"Hush," her roommate silenced her "I'll be over soon. It won't take more than one minute. I have experience. And... there's nothing wrong about a girl prettying herself every once in a while..."

Chisame paused for a moment, silently musing to herself, before uncomfortably adding in an attempt to calm the scientist down, "And... you are very pretty, you know. If you only dressed better and took care of your looks..."

"Don't mock me, please," Satomi tried to avert her eyes. "I know I'm not esthetically appealing."

"At least you don't have zits," Chisame muttered, stopping her task, mildly satisfied with the results.

"At least you aren't flat," the black haired girl patted herself over the breasts.

Chisame made a pause. "... Point," she conceded.

"Not like I care at all about it, of course," Hakase went on, "Such things only get in the way of my personal interests."

"You two are very pretty," Chamo chuckled on.

"Shut up," Chisame told him.

"It's true!" He turned to Negi. "Come on, Bro, you tell 'em!"

"Eh? What? Me?" His hands instinctively moved into a shielding position before his body. "No! It, It would be improper!"

The animal made a small annoyed sound. "Bro, it's only an innocent way to show you care! The only improper thing in a situation like this is not complimenting the ladies on their looks. A gentleman is always ready to make them feel at ease about themselves! It's rude not to do otherwise!"

"Oh dear!" Negi gasped aloud. "Sorry! It's true!" He bowed before his students. "I didn't mean to offend! You two are very pretty!"

"And sexy," Chamo helpfully whispered to him.

"Yes, and se-" Negi stopped himself in the last second. "Chamo!"

Both girls looked at them in dumbstruck silence for a few moments, with a very pale shade of pink running over their features. Then Chisame slammed a foot down on the ermine, and pushed him and the boy out of the room. "You'd better wait outside while we finish here!"

After she slammed the door on their backs, Negi sighed slumping down into a couch. "Nothing good will come out of this..."

"You only need to learn how to treat women, that's all" Chamo was confident. "They like men who aren't afraid to grab the horse by the reins and tell them what they think."

The kid fidgeted around. "Well, I think maybe we shouldn't be doing this after all..."

"You think wrong!" the furry thing protested. "You told me even that Mana girl has told you to trust yourself and your partners more! Do you think your Dad got that far in life by brooding and doubting?"

Negi perked up at that. "But- But that's different!"

"Different, nothing!" Chamo puffed on a cigarette. "It's all about taking the chances life gives you, and not complaining when those chances involve kissing pretty girls!"

"Uguuuu..." Negi groaned. "It's just I think we aren't ready yet..."

"Was Washington ready to take on Spartacus when he crossed the Rubicon? No! And he still won the Battle of Lepanto!" Chamo vehemently pointed out. "If Bolivar had waited to be ready a few more years, he and his 300 Spartans would have never defeated Gengis Khan at Waterloo!"

Negi's mouth hung open. "You... You need to work a lot on your history of this world."

"Give me a break; most books are too heavy for me!" Chamo waved his paws around. "The key thing is you get the idea!"

"What's with all this racket?" an annoyed Chisame stepped out of the bedroom, wearing a simple but beautiful light green casual dress. Satomi slumped behind her, mortified at having to be in a white dress of her own.

"This doesn't suit me at all..." she mumbled. "Everyday clothings would have sufficed just fine..."

Chamo clapped eagerly. "Good, good, very good! Truly, you are two lovelies! The Bro's such a lucky man, aren't you, Bro?"

"Y-Yes, I... I am," Negi timidly nodded. "Thank you, girls..."

"Hmmm," Chisame briefly looked at him before discharging her frustrations upon the ermine. "You dirty vermin. The way you're talking, anyone would think it's you who's going to kiss us."

Chamo chuckled. "Well, I'm open to-," he quickly closed his mouth back when he noticed Hasegawa's newest killer glare.

"Chamo-san," Hakase calmly intervened, "Do you know what I usually do upon meeting strange and unknown creatures, especially taking ones, after analyzing them and checking their reactions to the existing environment?"

"Uh, no," he took his head back. "What?"

"I vivisect them. In your case, I have made an exception as a favor to Negi-sensei, but I could be—"

"I'll shut up," Chamo promised.

Satomi sighed, taking a look at her wristwatch. "Let's just head to the rendezvous location, okay? It's almost time."

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Five:**

Misora was starting to leave at a rather brisk pace, breathing easier to some degree, when she heard Chisame's voice calling from behind her.

"Kasuga! Where do you think you're going?"

The sprinter bit her tongue while she froze in place and her eyes briefly changed to fully black circles. After a few seconds of being a statue, she slowly turned around to face the incoming Negi, Hasegawa and Hakase.

"Ah, ah, hello, guys," she chuckled nervously, rushing the words one after another. "Sorry, it's just it was getting kinda late, and I thought you wouldn't be coming..."

"Seriously?" Satomi checked her watch, "But we're actually four minutes fifty seconds early!"

"You weren't thinking of weaseling away from this, were you?" Chisame leveled an accusing glare at the sister, who was wearing an actually rather charming ensemble of short skirt and cotton top, with several colorful bands around her right wrist, and a crucifix hanging from her neck. "After you were insisting about doing this no matter what?"

Misora's face unconsciously wandered aside. "Of course not! Don't be silly"

Negi walked to her, formally bowing and attempting to remember Chamo's advices on lady-handling. "Good afternoon, Kasuga-san. You look, um, err, charming today."

Misora laughed unevenly. "Sensei, don't act as if we didn't see each other at classes this morning!"

"That's completely different, Miso-chi," Chamo, perched on the boy's right shoulder, wiggled his thin black eyebrows up and down. "Great look, by the way. It moves me so much, seeing you're putting so much of your hearts to help the Bro!" he swooned.

"... Yeah," Misora gave the ermine a dismissive glare before fishing a key out of her left pocket. They all were at the gates of the Track and Field Clubhouse, which Misora had said would be empty for that day, giving them the perfect place to try establishing their Pactios. Moreover, she had added, the vacant track fields would give them enough open space to test their 'Artifacts'.

Idly, Chisame wondered what her 'Artifact' would be like. Chamo had said they usually had a connection to the Ministra's personalities, but that wasn't exactly precise or even comforting. None of them were fighters, so what chance did they have to get anything useful in armed combat?

At her right, Negi was gulping, squeezing her hand for support, and at her left, Satomi tried to keep a neutral face, mostly succeeding at it.

"Get in quick, before anyone sees us," Misora whispered, guiding them inside, and then locking the door behind them. "Over here," she said, further leading them through a corridor and into a large room with lots of empty space, and no furniture but a large table and some folding chairs around it, at a corner.

"What is this?" Negi asked, looking all around after Misora turned the lights on.

"The team's meeting room," Kasuga told them. "We also use it for victory parties and the like. I figured... um... well... it was the best private place I could think of for... this..."

Chamo hummed thoughtfully. "It's not exactly the most romantic site, but it'll do."

"It-It-It doesn't have to be romantic at all!" Chisame protested.

"Oh, Chiu-chi," the perverted critter said while jumping down, grabbing his chalk and starting to carefully trace the magic circle on the floor, going by memory with uncanny precision. "Some day, you'll think back of this day and remember it as one of the most important days of your life, believe me. Of course it should be special for all of you!"

The four youngsters cringed a bit, their spirits further shaken by those words. However, Chamo didn't even notice their reactions, being too busy drawing the circle with the utmost care and devotion.

It was a beautiful, intricate drawing, Chisame had to admit it. And to her and Satomi's shock, it even started to glow in a faint bluish tone as soon as it was finished. Chamo stepped aside, and then chuckled evilly.

"Well, Bro, get over here and stand inside of it, at that side!" he pointed a paw down.

"Y-Yes!" a stunned Negi nodded, obeying quickly. As soon as he set foot on the circle, he looked as if a sudden jolt of electricity had hit him, although not to an excessive degree. He stood there with hugely open eyes, just waiting in silence as Chamo looked at the three schoolgirls.

"Well?" the ermine urged."You go first, don't you, Miso-chi? After all, you set the place up, and you have the most experience with magic"

"M-Me?" Misora gasped. "Hm... Uh... Well, yeah, I guess I could, but... I don't want to step on anyone's shoes, so if Chiu or the Prof wanna go first, fine with me! Really!"

"No, you can do it first," Satomi conceded, "Please show us how it's done."

"Ehhhh! It's not I have kissed anyone ever before!" Misora exclaimed. "Chiu, why don't you go first? You're his roommate!"

"She's his roommate too!" Chisame pointed at Hakase. "And don't call me 'Chiu'!"

"But you're their leader!" Misora argued. "That makes you the one to lead the way!"

The hacker backed a step away. "Since when am I the leader of anything?"

Misora shrugged. "Aren't you always bossing them around?"

"Ehhhh, girls," Chamo lifted a paw up, "The Bro's waiting, and the Magic Circle won't last forever..."

They paid him no attention.

"Let's decide it with a game of Janken!" Misora suggested.

"Allow Sensei to decide it," Hakase replied, sure he wouldn't pick her up. "It's a bigger step for him than for us, isn't it? So it's just fair he-"

"M-M-ME?-!-?" Negi squeaked out, breathing harder.

"You just want to avoid the responsibility of choosing!" Hasegawa told her. "If anything, we should decide it by popular voting! Democracy!"

Then, Misora and Satomi looked at her both at once. Chisame had a bad feeling which only grew up as both of them pointed their right hands at her and chorused in perfect synchrony, "OKAY! THEN WE CHOOSE YOU!"

"WHAT?" The hacker freaked out. "You can't be serious!"

Chamo smiled. "Democracy! You said it yourself!"

"I demand for a voting recap!" Chisame yelled.

"WE CHOOSE YOU!" the two other girls repeated, poking their fingers into her direction categorically. This time, however, the ermine pointed at her as well. And after a few seconds of nervous, trembling panic, and giving her a supplicant silent look, Negi also aimed a timid finger at her.

Chisame blushed bright red before tugging on her hair. "Arrrghhh! It's a conspiracy!"

However, she calmed down and stepped ahead, as Misora and the mad professor made way for her. Breathing in and out, she stepped into the circle as well, stopping right before the overwhelmed Welsh boy. She could feel the strange sensation of what she guessed... and hoped... was the magical power flowing from the circle and into her, giving her goosebumps and making her heat to beat faster.

What the Heck. If she was going to do it sooner or later, then it made no difference being the first one, right? Right. Yeah. Still, for some reason, that just wasn't enough to calm her down. At all.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, focusing those huge Bambi eyes on her face. Making it even harder. Dammit, why had he to be so cute? Cute? Had she thought the word 'cute'?

Yes, looking closely at him, he was kinda cute. The Bambi comparison was a good one, with those eyes so similar to those of a baby deer caught at mid-road. She couldn't do it. Not with those eyes looking at her. Confusing her. Was she becoming an Iincho Mark II? That couldn't be. No. No, no, no no no no no no no no nononononono…!

And yet... He was... so unbearably cute...

"Hasegawa-san..." his voice managed to come out weakly.

"Shut up," she said, her voice coming out huskier than she expected. Then she quickly covered those obstructing, confusing eyes with a hand, blocking them and allowing her to finally lean in for the kiss, stamping her lips over his.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Six:**

She could hear nothing now. Hakase and Kasuga seemed to have fallen into the starkest of silences, and even the infernal ermine had closed his trap down.

 _'Oh... They are so soft...'_ Chisame silently marveled. They felt oddly good, tender and warm, too. His lips. Caressing and gentle against hers, rather unlike the coldness she had expected from the contact.

She had closed her eyes, unable to look at his face as she kissed him. She waited, perfectly still, while the boy stood paralyzed before her. For a few moments, nothing seemed to change, until the whole circle glowed up with a nearly blinding white light, startling Satomi and Misora up.

"PACTIO-OOOOOOOO!" Chamo jumped up, waving his paws around in ecstasy.

Then, to the further amazement of the other two teenagers, a card appeared out of nowhere floating over Negi and Chisame's heads, until it softly flew down to the expecting arms of the ermine. He looked down at it with shiny beady eyes, nearly drooling with giddiness.

Hasegawa still wasn't letting her teacher to go.

 _'How many seconds do I have to do this for?'_ she wondered, opening her eyes a bit. _'If I keep this up, something strange will-'_.

"Ho, ho ho!" Chamo chuckled. "It's good now, Chiu-chi!".

"Ohh, is that so?" she quickly pulled her head back, her cheeks flaring red again. She breathed deeply, gasping for the air she so sorely needed now.

"M-My first kiss-" Just as embarrassed, Negi kept his hands near his mouth, too shocked to really notice he was savoring the warm flavor left on his lips.

"S-Sorry," Chisame stuttered, turning her head around to avoid looking at him. "Maybe I went too far with it."

"Eh..." Negi doubted. "No, that isn't- I mean-"

"Shut up! Be quiet!" she sputtered. "We did what we had to do, okay? Don't think there's anything else to it. This isn't a moment to be feeling unsure or-"

She interrupted herself when she noticed the other girls swarming over Chamo, checking on the card he was holding up and completely ignoring her.

"It's very, very pretty," Misora breathed in reverently.

"How can matter generate itself from a vacuum?" the scientist wondered. "Furthermore, who wrote and drew on that card, Chamo-san? Is there supposed to be any intelligent designer behind this fabrication?"

"Let me see! It's MY card!" Chisame unceremoniously pushed them aside and grabbed the magical object, checking it up closely. It featured a fully detailed, lifelike image of herself, wearing a beautiful summer dress with matching hat, striking a dynamic pose and smiling brightly; holding her glasses in a hand and a pink sceptre in the other. Under the image, she could read in Western letters what seemed to be a Latinization of her name and a title apparently assigned to her.

_'Hasegawa Tisame'_

_'Idolum Virtuale'_

"Virtual Idol" Hakase read aloud, peeking around her right arm. "Extremely easy to translate."

"And accurate, too." Misora stiffled a chuckle.

Chisame half-smirked, feeling a strange sensation of accomplishment about the thing she was holding now. At least it seemed to have worked; she had been dreading nothing would happen for a while. Briefly, she looked back at Negi, who shared an eager, awkward wider smile with her.

"Chiu-chi..." Chamo poked at one of her feet. "Hand the Bro your card. He needs to create a duplicate for you."

"A duplicate?" she asked while handing the card to the teacher.

The ermine nodded before addressing his friend. "Use the spell I taught you, Bro!"

"Okay!" Negi gulped before holding the card firmly between both hands and muttering a few short lines in Latin. Then, much to the awe of all three schoolgirls, a second, identical card appeared next to the first one. Negi handed Chisame the second card and told her, "This is your copy. We can use both cards to communicate with each other telepathically. All we need is to hold them to our foreheads like this," he touched his own forehead with the original card, "And then we'll be able to share thoughts just as clearly as if we were talking to each other."

A small bead of sweat appeared next to Hasegawa's head. "Don't we already have cellphones for that?"

"The card also has many other uses!" Negi informed. "You can use a special invocation upon it to invoke your Artifact, and besides, it allows us teleporting and major boosts of our physical stats."

"Now that you mention it, I **do** feel stronger now. Not that much, but yeah, it's like my body has more energy now," Chisame mused, flexing her left arm up and down.

Chamo hummed happily while drawing another circle on the floor. "Well, we can discuss all of that later! For now, it's time for the second lucky girl to step up!" he cackled. "So, who's next? Sato-chi or Miso-chi?"

"Me! Me!" Misora offered herself excitedly. The sight of the card had eased her fears back down. She wanted a card of her own, and she wanted it now.

"I have no problems with that," Hakase looked aside discretely.

"That's the spirit!" Chamo cooed, gesturing for Negi to take his spot at the new circle. "You already know what to do, Bro! Just pucker up and-"

"Please," Satomi stopped him. "Whatever you were about to say, don't say it. Or else. Vivisection," She held a rather large surgical knife pulled out of nowhere up.

"Um, as I was saying, Bro, just stand there and let Miso-chi to take care," the animal sweated profusely.

"All right..." Negi gulped down while Misora approached him, some of her recent wariness returning as the big moment of truth came closer.

"Okay," she said, "You ready, Negi-kun?"

"I... I think so..."

He briefly looked back at Chisame, who gave him a short encouraging nod after a moment of hesitation of her own. He exhaled, looked at Misora again, and confirmed his agreement with a movement of his head.

"Fine," She gently grabbed his cheeks and held his face still. "Here I go, then..."

She bit her lower lip down, then ran her tongue over her mouth. Carefully, she came closer to his face, looking straight at his wide and nervous eyes. Inch by inch, until she could feel his warm and softly agitated breathing blowing on her cheeks and nose.

"Forgive me, my Lord," she whispered, and then she quickly pushed her lips against his, engulfing his mouth into her own.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Seven:**

Chisame and Hakase watched expectantly how Misora kissed Negi, who somehow seemed (very) slightly less panicked and more numbed down as he received the full blunt of her lips on his. The sprinter's card appeared soon enough floating over in the same way Chisame's had; Chamo tried to catch it on its way down, but Hasegawa took advantage of her height and reach edge to grab it before he could.

It was only then that Misora broke the kiss, breathing quickly and looking at how the boy was gasping for air.

"So, ummm..." she wondered, nervously passing her tongue over her lower lip, "Was it... I dunno... good?"

He blinked, unsure of what to answer. His instincts told him to go for the least offensive possible reply.

"Hum, y-yes, it was... very good!" he managed to blurt out.

Although red cheeked, Misora managed to laugh out loud, slapping him on the back. "Oh, you little rogue! You have no shame, telling that to a sister!"

"Spoken by the 'sister' who initiated the kiss," Chisame snarked. "Then again, it's not like Catholic clergy kissing children is anything new..."

"To be fair, she isn't an officially declared sister yet..." Satomi pointed out.

"After this, I hope she never becomes one," Chisame further commented.

Misora scowled at her. "Oh, as if you hadn't kissed him first."

Hasegawa scowled back. "Excuse me, but who voted for me to do that?"

"Whatever, whatever!" Misora reached for her card. "Let me see my baby! Umm, what do we have here...?"

The new card showed Misora wearing a shortskirted variation of her religious habit, with running sneakers and posing before a huge cross, holding a smaller cross in each hand. Just like Chisame's, it had a Latinization on her name and a title.

_'Casuga Misora'_

_'Joculatrix Monachans'_

Misora showed the card to Hakase. "Prof-chan? What does this mean?"

Satomi reread the title, then bluntly said, "'Prankster Nun', I suppose."

Chisame almost guffawed. "Well, you were right after all, Kasuga! These titles are very accurate!"

Kasuga pouted. "Like I'm offended. I'm proud on both accounts." Then she smiled and handed her card to the stunned Negi. "Here, Negi-kun! Make a copy for me, too!"

"Yes..." he mechanically nodded before repeating the duplication spell and making Misora's copy. The short haired girl received it with a wide grin.

"I'll treasure it dearly!" she promised.

Satomi, meanwhile, stood in perfect stillness and an uncomfortable silence as Chamo whistled drawing the third Pactio circle.

"Oh, Miso-chiiiiiiii...!" he sign-sang. "Guess who's the only one left to take the plun-geeeeee!"

The teen scientist gulped. "Couldn't you put the situation in a somewhat less distasteful statement?"

"Sorry," the ermine apologized half-heartedly. "Anyway, you already know what to do. You too, Bro. Take your place, we're almost done here."

"Fine..." Negi sighed, stepping into the third circle. He had come to just accept having basically no vote on it. Kissing girls was not that bad, actually, once you put the hideously wrong fact they were supposed to be your students aside. He had expected for it to be more of a ground shaking, world ending deal, physically speaking, from what the older students at Merdiana used to say.

Hakase had walked into the circle as well, her skin covered by small goosebumps.

 _I'm doing this for the sake of learning, of discovery...,_ she repeated to herself in her mind, time and time again. _I'm doing this for the sake of learning, of discovery... I'm doing this for the sake of learning, of discovery..._

"I'm doing this for the sake of learning, of discovery" she droned her mantra to Negi while cupping his face between her now colder and sweaty hands.

"Uh, okay," he couldn't do anything but nodding quickly.

"I'm glad you understand," she sighed in relief before pushing her face ahead, closing her eyes as she clumsily pressed her mouth over Negi's.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Eight:**

By now, it was completely evident Hakase had no actual idea of how to kiss someone.

It was not like Chisame and Misora had any more previous experience, but they still had read enough manga and watched enough movies to basically follow a pre-conceived course of action while claiming the boy's lips. Satomi, on the other hand, was a total neophyte on the matter of close physical contact, and it showed.

It was more like she was mashing her mouth against Negi's, rubbing it at left and right and back again, than anything else. Apparently it was uncomfortable and rough for him, since the other girls could see him straining himself to his best to avoid pulling back and away.

But before Chisame could separate them, the magic seemed to decide THAT had counted as a kiss, producing yet another card that quickly floated down just like the others. This time, it was Misora who caught it in midflight, with Chisame peeking over her shoulders to look at it.

"PACTIO, PACTIO, PACTIO!" Chamo cackled. Then he noticed both of the kissers' faces starting to gain a distinctive purple shade. "Um, guys...? You can stop it now. The card's out and ready."

"Oh! Oh!" Satomi gasped, swallowing for air and separating her mouth from Negi's. The ermine chuckled, seeing a thin bridge of saliva still connecting their lips. "That is... good news... Chamo-san," she spoke stiffly, blinking several times.

"That was... intense," Negi wheezed, holding himself upon shaky knees.

Misora gave him a brief, somewhat concerned, look. "... More intense than mine?"

"It's always the quiet ones," Chamo smirked knowingly.

It surely was only a coincidence the fact Satomi absently walked over him the very next moment, approaching her classmates to ask for her card. "May I have it?" she asked, sounding strangely subdued.

"Oh, sure," Chisame nodded, handing it over to her. "But what does it say under your name? Something about machines, right?"

The black haired teen examined her Pactio card. It featured a perfect image of her, dressed in shorts and a white coat, using black gloves, smiling and with her arms crossed, carrying some sort of elaborate carapace-exoskeleton-backpack from which four metallic arms sprouted. The upper two arms were thin and almost tentacle-like, but the lower two were huge and bulky, armed with gigantic and thick fingers. Again, there was a Latinized name and an assigned title.

_'Hacase Satomi'_

_'Macinatrix Insana'_

Negi's eyes grew rounder as he also read the description. "Ah... Uh... That is..."

The scientist spoke in a fully flat and dry tone. "Mad Inventor."

Misora couldn't help but blowing into a guffaw immediately.

"Mad... MAD...? MAD? Hee, hee, so-sorry, Prof! Tee hee, sorry! But... But you gotta admit these cards sure know how to get it right!"

The ermine was chuckling, too. Even Chisame seemed to be holding back a few giggles. Freaking Hasegawa Chisame.

Hakase didn't say anything, but her face had grown seriously soured, moving Negi to step in. "Girls, girls, please! And you too, Chamo! Shame on you!"

Hakase placed a hand on his right shoulder. "It's okay. I'm used to it," she softly said, then handed him the card. "Copy, please."

"Oh, sure thing!" he grabbed the card and created a copy of it just as he had done with the others, gently giving it to his third Pactio partner. "Here, Hakase-san," he smiled. "I know you'll make a good use of it."

"Thanks for your trust, Sensei," she smiled back. It was so preciously rare seeing anything trusting her. Especially after the incident at the Science Fair. And the problem with Madoka at Chemistry classes. And the time when they ended up having to rescue Fumika from the Floor Polisher 8000. "By the way... For what it's worth... I'm glad my first time was with you."

He blushed for the umpteenth time that day. "Thanks... Thank you!"

The other girls stared long, hard and silently at them, but Chamo broke the strange tension by prancing around towards the door. "La-la-la! What are you waiting for, sleepyheads? Let's go outside to try those Artifacts! Show us the way, Miso-chin!"

"Oh, sure," Kasuga snapped back to reality, motioning for the others to follow her. "This way, please."

She brought them to an old practice field, wide and lonely, through which a cold breeze whistled.

"Why do we have to test our 'Artifacts' here, Chamo-san?" Hakase questioned.

"An Artifact can be as large as a car, or more, depending on the Ministra," the ermine informed. "It'd be a disaster if you summoned it for the first time inside of a closed room, only to learn the Artifact is just too big and crushes you against a wall. Of course, that's rare, and most often the Artifact is what we see the Ministra holding in the card, but that isn't always true. For the same reason, I'll ask you to stand away from the others the first time you invoke your Artifacts. You first, Chiu-chi. After all, you were the first one to kiss the Bro!"

"Don't remind me!" she snapped, stalking a few feet away before stopping. "Like this?"

"Yeah, that's good," Chamo approved.

"Great," she grumbled. "Now what?"

"Hold your card up and say _''Adeat'_ '. It's that easy," Negi smiled supportingly at her.

Chisame nodded slowly, lifting the card up. Getting mentally ready for anything (or so she hoped), she held the card firmly, took a deep breath in, and shouted,

_"ADEAT!"_

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Nine:**

Even much, much later, long after being used to the effects of using the Pactio, she would always remember that time as the most intense one. It blinded her for a moment, actually scaring her as she felt the nearly burning magical power bursting out of the card, transforming it into a long, cold, solid and hopefully not Freudian at all pink scepter right between her hands.

At the same time, for the briefest fraction of time, it was as if her clothes unknitted, vanishing into thin air, only to be immediately remade around herself, becoming a perfect copy of the long skirted dress seen in the Card itself, complete with matching shoes and hat.

It had been like something out of one of those stupid Mahou Shoujo shows, like Magical Milk or Sailor V or Biblion. At least she hadn't been forced to spin around in the air like freakin' Linda Carter caught in a hurricane.

Then she noticed the eyes of the other four fixed on her, and she froze solid, fearing they had just seen something they definitely shouldn't have seen.

"Don't tell me..." she babbled, her glasses fogging up so much they hid her eyes from sight.

"It... It was only a moment...!" Misora chuckled nervously.

"Yes. A, how do they say it coloquially, 'Blink and You'll Miss It' event," Satomi said with a nod.

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BLINKED, DAMMIT!" Chisame growled.

Negi was averting his gaze almost desperately. "I swear I didn't see anything, I swear it, I swear it..."

Chisame leveled a chilling glare on him. "What color were they?"

Without thinking, he replied quickly, "Huh? Ah, white. Pure white."

Then he slammed his hands over his mouth as she jumped on him, scepter held high. "YOU SAW! I'm gonna save Eva the work-!"

The other two girls had to hold her from behind.

"Chisame, please-!" Hakase whined while struggling against an elbow pushing for freedom against her face. "Get a hold of yourself!"

"He's still a child! He deserves a longer life span!" Misora argued before catching a scepter to the head.

Finally breaking free, Hasegawa huffed and puffed, redfaced but more calmed down. "Okay. Okay. I'm fine. Really. But I swear, when it's your turn to transform, I'm going to keep his eyes well open so I'm not the only disgraced one!"

Negi went pale as a white sheet. "I couldn't possibly-!"

Hakase made a face, but after a second of indignation (and rubbing the aching spot on her own head), Kasuga simply laughed and patted herself on the thin hips, prancing around mockfully. "He can see if he wants! Maybe I'm not an Internet supermodel, but at least I feel sure enough about my body to not needing any Photoshop!"

Negi's eyes sprouted up and his legs shook like jelly.

A vein bulged on Chisame's forehead. "Keep pushing me around and I'll give you a free ticket to meet Saint Peter himself!" she told Misora.

Chamo clapped his paws aloofly. "Girls, girls, save the killer instinct for the vampire, okay? Chiu-chi, activate your scepter!"

"And how do I do that?" she asked.

"Here, let me," Negi grabbed the scepter along with her, redirecting her hands to point the object into another direction. He kept it grabbed along with her, his small hands on hers, making her to feel somewhat uneasy again. "Listen to the voice of your own magic inside of yourself. To use your power, you have to feel it inside of your mind and soul, then to channel it through your Artifact. It takes some practice, but after a while, it becomes as natural as breathing. Look, while we're starting, I'll practice it along with you. Magister and Ministra can have an easier time using magic when they do it together. Trust me."

"Okay..." she conceded, breathing deeply while looking down at him. Her Magister. He was her Magister. As stupid as that sounded, it still changed everything between them now. More or less.

It felt nicer now, as if the power was warming her up comfortably, whispering something inside of her head. It almost sounded like... mousey chirpings.

She smiled at the silly idea before closing her eyes and relaxing against him, forgetting about Misora and Hakase. It was as if her soul was resonating against Negi's, and it actually felt good. Pleasant.

Then a squeaky tiny voice saluted her, "We are at your command, Chiu-sama!"

Chisame opened her eyes, expecting to see Misora right before her, playing a prank on her. Instead, she found herself staring straight into the shiny black eyes of a floating pink mouse. She never had been afraid of rodents, but there always was a fisrt time for everything.

"KYAAA!" she shrieked, frantically rushing back.

There were seven of those mice around her now, hanging in midair. Negi, Chamo, Kasuga and Satomi watched on with fascination, but Chisame was less than thrilled. "Wh-What the hell are these things?-!-?"

"We are the seven electronic spirits born from the communion of your power with Master Negi's!" the first mouse spoke up. "From now on, we'll obey your every command, Chiu-sama! But first, please enter a 4-letter name for each one of us!"

"Electronic spirits?" Chisame stared in disbelief. "Hey, wait a minute. If you are electronic, why, in this day and age, you need to restrict your names to only four letters?"

"It's because we believe our data needs to be as compact and streamlined as possible for maximum speed and efficiency," another mouse explained.

"Huh. Whatever. Anything's fine for me," she huffed. "You can name yourselves AAAA, BBBB and so on if you want."

"Don't be so cruel, Chiu-sama!" they whined. "We need names born from love and care to designate ourselves!"

"Yeah, don't be like that, 'Chiu-chan'," Misora snickered. "It's like picking on newborns."

"Then you can name them yourself," the hacker groaned.

"Okay!" Kasuga began to look at the sprite-thingies. "You are the darkest one, so you remind me of Cocone-chan. I'll name you Coco. You two are identical, so you must be twins. I'll name you Boku and Pico."

"Boku and Pico?" Negi asked.

"Names from an anime I once watched," Misora calmly explained.

"Wait, they once trolled me about that anime!" Chisame exclaimed. "What kind of nun watches things like THAT?"

Ignoring her, the runner just continued naming the remaining mice. "Let's see... You, with the bright smile, look like a real Latin lover, so I'll name you Paco. And you seem to be a girl, so I'll name you Chiu, just like your Mom. And you will be Negi, like your Dad."

Both 'parents' tensed up in crimson-skinned alarm near her. "WHAT?" they yelled.

Misora gave them a nonchalant look. "Think about it. They were born out of your union, weren't they? They obviously are your children!"

"Oh my God, it's true!" Negi gasped aloud, his hands grasping for air, his eyes going blank.

"NO, IT ISN'T!" Hasegawa protested.

"It makes biological sense when you think about it..." Satomi mused quietly. "If they were a result of the combined activity of your vital energies, assuming we can even use that term in this case, then they are, for all intents and purposes, your progeny..."

"I am... I am not prepared to be a father yet...!" Negi whimpered.

The mice all looked to each other, silently pondering what to do about such a stunning revelation. Finally, four of them flew to hug Chisame, and the other three flew to tackle Negi's chest up.

"MOTHER-!"

"FATHER-!"

"CUT IT OUT, YOU LITTLE FREAKS!" Chisame yelled.

Misora chuckled, patting her on a shoulder. "Don't worry. Our church provides all single underage mothers with an extensive program of orientation and reinsertion into society!"

"I HOPE YOU HAVE A HYENA WITH HIM! JUST LIKE ITS MOTHER!" the hacker angrily shouted at her.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Ten:**

"Tutorial Program for our dear Mother, Starting!" one of the mice started.

"Lesson One on the Use of Magical Electronic Idol Powers- Basical Guidelines!" another mouse chirped. "Data Loading Up, Please Wait!"

The seven sprites floated before the annoyed Chisame, who stood at the middle of the track while Negi, Misora, Satomi and Chamo had sat down behind her to watch. Hakase, as usual, took extensive notes, while Misora had pulled a bag of crackers out and was now munching happily.

"I told you to stop calling me Mother," Hasegawa spoke again. "You little creeps are making me to feel old."

A translucent floating holographic screen had just generated itself between the mice. Much to her own horror, Chisame found herself unable to feel that much awe about it anymore.

"Function One," Coco started. "The Scepter you hold is called the Sceptrum Virtuale. It allows you to control us, and also to interact with basically any electric system to a degree of reach and control depending on your current level of magic skill. Besides that, with a special incantation you can access to through Databank A, File Beta, you can download you awareness in a pseudo-physical form through the Internet, leaving your physical body behind until you decide to return to it."

"Why would I ever want to do such a stupid thing?" Chisame asked. "So I can die buried under porn pop-ups?"

Negi blinked. "What's a por–"

"Well, I suppose that electric mumbo-jumbo can be very useful against Chachamaru!" Misora said a bit too loud. "What's your take on it, Prof?"

"I believe it could neutralize some of her attack and defense functions, but be warned Chao and me installed major contingencies against any sort of hostile takeover or shut-down into her," Hakase rubbed her chin with her pen. "Give me some time to inspect on your 'Artifact', and maybe I could come up with some upgrades to make it more useful against Chachamaru's defenses... but only as long as you promise not to harm her. She's my masterpiece! My claim to glory! My biggest source of pride! Also, she helps me over at the restaurant."

Misora gave her an annoyed glare. "You still intend to keep going there after Chao sank that knife in your back?"

"I'm sure she'd have her reasons," Negi tried to intervene. "You should at least listen to what she has to say before taking any decisions, Hakase-san."

"Hmmmm," the scientist hugged her knees. "Perhaps..."

Paco cleared its throat before continuing. "As we were saying, we also offer wide scale of secondary functions. Through manipulation of our hard data programs made solid magi-matter, you, Mother, can create several different kinds of outfits for yourself. You can charge magical energy on the scepter to shoot electric blasts of varying degrees of intensity. To test that function of the Artifact, please set aim on a suitable target, put your mind onto drawing energy from the environment's electronic components, and then release it upon the chosen target."

"Alright," Chisame said, as she immediately pointed the scepter at Chamo.

"W-WATCH OUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SIS!" the ermine screamed. "OR I'LL CALL PETA!"

"Eh. Fair enough," Chisame droned before aiming at Misora instead.

"DAMMIT, DON'T JOKE WITH SOMETHING THAT COULD BLOW MY HEAD OFF, CHIU!" the sprinter panicked as well.

"Hasegawa-san, please!" Negi requested.

"Not much of a sense of humor now, huh, Kasuga?" Chisame deadpanned before shifting the scepter's aim to a discarded water bottle left at a side of the track. She drew a deep breath in, attempted to recreate the summoning of power feeling she had before bringing the mice out, and then relaxed it through the scepter.

Instantly, a small blast of sparking energy shot itself from the staff, shattering the bottle up and also leaving a large scorched hole on the ground all around it.

"Bravo!" Negi clapped happily. "Excellent first try, Hasegawa-san!"

"That's my Sis!" Chamo cheered.

After recoiling a bit, shaken by the kick of the shot, Chisame gasped, looking down at her Artifact. "Well, just look at that! I truly could have blown your head off with this, Kasuga!"

"I told you so!" Misora snapped, standing up. "That's why magic isn't something to play around with! Now let me test my powers before you destroy more of our property." She held her own card up, then said, "Sensei..."

"I-I'M NOT LOOKING!" Negi quickly turned around and covered his eyes with both hands.

"You too, Chamo-san," Misora commanded coldly.

"Me?" Chamo sheepishly pointed a paw at his own furry chest. "But I'm only an innocent animal!"

"More like a perverted beast," Chisame picked him up, firmly obstructing his sight with her hands. "Do it now, Kasuga. Before I change my mind back."

"Aww, you're such a sweetheart after all," Misora smirked sarcastically. Then she made a more serious face and waved the Pactio Card around, _"ADEAT!"_

Again, there was a brief explosion of light, and Misora's clothes vanished only to re-knit themselves a split second later as a variation of her usual habit, but with the very short and risky skirt seen in the Card itself.

"Oh nuts, it's even shorter in reality," Kasuga lamented, trying to tug it down a bit. "Can I even move around in this without giving pantyshots to everyone?"

"I call it 'Spreading a bit of Heaven to everyone'," Chamo philosophized.

"Chisame, step on him for me," Misora asked.

"With pleasure," Hasegawa obeyed.

"And what's my Artifact?" Misora looked at her own hands. "I'm not carrying anything. Not even those crosses seen in the card. What am I supposed to do? To pray until a bolt from above falls on Evangeline?"

"Calm down," Negi suggested. "Try to feel your magic, to pinpoint from where it is flowing into you. Become one with the power. Feel it like you feel your heartbeats, Kasuga-san."

"Hmmmm. Okay, Negi-kun," she nodded. His soothing voice began to quieten her nerves down. She closed her eyes briefly, searching deeply into herself, until she felt the source of her newfound sense of upgraded power.

She looked down.

"My feet."

"How so?" Satomi inquired.

Misora pointed down. "My sneakers."

"Of course," Chamo pulled himself back from under Chisame's right foot. "You are a runner, Miso-chi! That's where you heart lies! Draw your power from there! Show us your magic! Do you what you do best, girl!" he grandly laughed.

The girl smiled brightly. "Okay!"

And with that, she raced ahead, taking the track with fervor. As soon as she put her feet into motion, she lifted a huge cloud of smoke, making the others to cough up. She took away into the path like a speeding bullet, the air booming around herself just as if a rocket had blasted off.

"Wow. We _can_ see her underwear…" Chamo said.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Eleven:**

Negi, Chisame and Chamo watched, their mouths hanging open, as Misora kept on racing lap after lap across the track, raising a huge amount of dust that floated all around them. The sprinter was nearly nothing but a blur by now, invisible as anything but a black and white clad streak passing by next to them so fast it was almost as if she never left their side at all.

"This is the greatest gift I've ever received!" She never stopped laughing, either. "I feel so alive! So free! So magnificent!"

Hakase had a timer in hand now, and she was attempting to measure Kasuga's reaction and motion times with it, but she eventually had to put it down with a sound of exasperation. "She moves faster than I can set this up," she lamented, "But from what I've been able to gather, I feel safe stating she's at least six times faster than the current Olympic record."

"That's amazing!" Negi was in awe.

"NO WAY!" Chisame gasped.

"I'm afraid so," the scientist nodded, her pigtails floating up in the continuous whirlwind around the track due to the exaggerated speeds displayed by Kasuga. "And beyond that, she seems to be growing faster and faster by each lap... Wait..." she paused, taking another look at the timer, "No. Her rhythm apparently is decreasing slightly now. Kasuga-saaaaaan!" she called out. "Are you feeling somewhat worn down now?"

"I'm fine! Just let me to run a few dozens more laps, Coach!" Misora's voice was heard again, now sounding more ragged and nearly panting. "I swear I'll make you and the girls proud!"

"I think," Chisame plainly stated, "She may be starting to hallucinate we're her club partners."

"Kasuga-san, please don't strain yourself!" Negi begged. "It's been more than enough for now! Until your body grows adapted to your new powers and the magical influence it's receiving, there's no point on pushing your limits so much! Can you hear me? Kasuga-san!"

For a few more moments, there was no reply. But then, Misora's shape started to become fully visible amidst the dust clouds. She still ran five or six more laps at a more sedate pace before stopping right before Negi, sweating profusely and panting madly. Yet, the smile on her face was huge, even as she had to support the weight of her body onto her hands perched on her knees.

"Are you okay, Kasuga-san?" the boy passed a hand over her forehead, concerned. "You shouldn't have pushed yourself so hard. Let's take this step by step..."

"Never felt better, Negi-kun!" she fondly patted his head while regaining her breath. "Man, this power is great! With it, I'll escape so fast Eva-chin will never be able to lay a hand on me again!"

"Eeehhhh, we didn't get in this just to keep escaping for the rest of our lives!" Chisame reminded her. "Running away is fine when you can't do anything else, but try and think of some way to use that speed for attacking, too!"

Satomi approached the sister in training. "Could you see your surroundings in full detail while you were running at such high speeds?"

"Perfectly!" she confirmed with a grin.

"Good," the scientist said, now with a scary gleam over her glasses. "That should mean your other parts and functions of your anatomy can adapt and adjust to the velocity your lower extremities were displaying, perhaps even matching it. Could you try to move another part of your body at super-speed instead of your legs?"

"For instance?"

"Why don't you try with your arms?" Chisame warily suggested.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea, right now. Let's leave her to rest..." Negi pleaded.

"No, it's all right! I'll do it!" Misora carelessly commented before starting to spin her arms around in circles as fast as she could. Immediately, even more strong bursts of wind began to blow all around her, lifting the dust back up and sending everything under a certain size flying across in all directions. Including Chamo, who collided face-first against a concrete wall.

"... Ouch."

"Ah! I'm sorry, Chamo-san!" Misora immediately stopped herself. "I swear I didn't mean it this time!"

"Actually, I think I'm getting used to this," the ermine commented, wiping the blood off his face. "Wait! I got another idea! Why don't you try to talk really, really fast?"

Chisame, who had just been busy fixing her skirt back into shape (thankfully for her, it was too long to show anything off when the wind lifted it around), snapped angrily at him. "What kind of stupid idea is that? How could that ever be useful to us?"

Misora cleared her throat before starting, "Actually, IthinkChiu-chan'srightthistimeChamo-san. Honestly,. . IbetIcouldbecomearealhit atparties. Wowmythroatisntevensoreyet!"

"... Showoff," Chisame dryly snorted.

"So you can apply your augmented speed to your upper extremities and your vocal chords and tongue, as well! Highly intriguing!" The gleam on Satomi's glasses became nearly blinding.

"A pretty girl with a high-velocity tongue and fingers certainly has a lot of interesting possibilities..." Chamo began to ponder, a lecherous look on his face, but fortunately for him, nobody paid him any attention.

"As a matter of fact," Hakase seriously stated, "I believe your new abilities might have allowed you to access a link to the postulated extradimensional 'Speed Force' field accidentally discovered by Doctor Barry Allen ten years ago. It has been theorized said field could even possibly empower all degrees of motion in our universe to some capacity, and-"

"That's the most ridiculous technobabble I've ever heard from you!" Misora groaned. "It's just magic, deal with it! You don't need to make fancy scientific excuses just to try and deny the supernatural when it's right before you!"

"Whatever the case is, if you can move your arms at superspeed too, you could punch Evangeline in the face like two hundred times before she can even react, couldn't you?" Chisame went straight to the point that interested her the most.

"I don't think it'd be so easy," Negi cautioned. "Even with the upgrade magic gave her, her arms shouldn't be strong enough to support such an effort in such a short time. Basically, Kasuga-san could break her arm down if she attempted to hit anything that much in the span of a few moments."

"Ugh," Misora grimaced. "Too much for that idea, thank you."

Chamo hummed. "Well, we'll look into that later. For now, it's your turn, Science Sis! Let's see what can you do with your Pactio!"

"Okay, everything for the sake of discovery..." Satomi clumsily stepped ahead. She snapped her fingers. "Sensei?"

"Immediately," the teacher chivalrously grabbed Chamo and forced him to turn around and away with himself.

"BETRAYAL!" the ermine wailed, flailing around helplessly. "ET TU, NEGIUS! MY MOST DEAREST BROTHER!"

"Thank you," the genius bowed her head before holding her Card up. "By the Power of...! ...Wait, what was the activation word again?"

"ADEAT!" Chisame and Misora yelled at her.

"Oh, yes. That," Satomi blinked before repeating in a loud voice, _"ADEAT!"_

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Twelve:**

Satomi's clothes seemed to absorb themselves into nothingness for a moment, right before reappearing back with a vengeance, remaking themselves into a variation of her usual shorts and open lab coat ensemble. A form-fitting black T-shirt with a portrait of Albert Einstein sticking his tongue out appeared over her chest, which Chisame actually thought had been the second weirdest thing in the whole day so far, after the mice.

Then the backpack-carapace built itself from nothingness into her back, firmly attaching itself to her, and displaying the same four arms seen in the Card.

"It's... far lighter than I thought," Satomi mused quietly, tentatively flexing her human hands in and out, finding out the metallic hands were vaguely following the same motions. "I must analyze and isolate this material! You wouldn't believe how long did it take me to find an alloy that wouldn't make Chachamaru to weigh more than a ton.."

Chisame covered her own face with a hand. "What have we just unleashed upon this world?"

In a more orderly universe, this would have been accompanied by an ominous clap of thunder. As it was, she got nothing.

"Then, what does that thing do?" Misora asked.

"Looks like some sort of grappling armor," Chamo studied it closely. "Which would complement you two nicely. A speedster, a long ranged blast-based attacker, and now a close combat combatant. I like it a lot!"

Chisame looked down at him. "Hakase? A grappler? Oh, please."

The ermine scoffed. "Well, she may not have the training, but those huge secondary arms sure look like they are designed to pummel and pounce, don't they? That style of fighting doesn't demand much in the way of training or skill, and it's not like Sato-chi needs more intelligence. It makes sense the Artifact would reinforce her weaker points instead, that is, her physical capabilities."

"Okay, Hakase-san, now let's try your Artifact's power," Negi kindly suggested. "Don't put too much effort into it. Just do what you feel your Artifact is the most suited to do."

"Understood," Hakase nodded, then tightened her right fist, the massive right fist of the Artifact doing the same thing. She threw a punching motion downwards, and the Artifact followed suit... making the whole track to shake and tremble, and the other youngsters to fall down on their butts.

"I can die happy with this...!" Chamo squealed in delight as Chisame fell sitting right on top of him. The girl shrieked at feeling his furry body poking at her buttocks, sprang back to her feet, and tossed him up into the air, making him to become a tiny spark in the sky.

When Negi's head finally stopped spinning, and his ears regained hearing after the deafening kaboom that followed the punch, he looked over to see a huge deep crater now occupied the exact same site where Hakase had punched, and then some.

"GAH!" Misora shouted. "How am I ever going to explain this to the Coach and the girls?"

"Why would you explain it? You were never here today, remember?" Satomi was unfazed. Then she grinned madly, tightening the large fist up. "I could grow well accustomed to this...! I never cared about having any physical power of my own, but this... this is a gate to a whole new world of possibilities! I could perform extensive studies on the application of brute force to different objects! I could write a whole thesis on this! Why, I even could get back at those girls who called me 'Brainy Egghead' at Elementary School!"

"Wow," Chisame said. "You're human after all…"

"Pactios aren't intended to be used for personal ends, only for the betterment of mankind," Negi had to remind her.

"Regardless, what are the two smaller arms for?" Hasegawa pointed at the tiny subset of arms above the large ones.

"Support tasks, no doubt," Satomi theorized, using one of them to scratch her own head thoughtfully. "For instance, I might hold weapons and use them while the primary limbs strike at the enemy."

"That's actually quite good!" Misora grinned widely. "I'm starting to think we have a chance here!"

"Yes!" Hakase nodded. "Combining our abilities with Negi-Sensei's, we should be able to overcome Evangeline-san and Chachamaru!"

Even Chisame was half-smiling by now. "Well, it's not like we have alternatives, so the only thing we can do is to forge ahead all the way, right? We might as well do it with enthusiasm."

"Hasegawa-san..." Negi was moved to the border of tears. "Hakase-san... Kasuga-san... You're so nice to me... I couldn't ask for better students...!"

"Negi-kun," Misora placed a hand on his right shoulder. "Don't call us like that anymore, will you? From now on, call us 'Misora', 'Chisame' and 'Satomi'. We are your Pactio partners, after all. Our relationship can't be the same it was before."

"Hey, hey, what are you implying there?" Chisame was somewhat taken aback.

But Negi only nodded and smiled firmly. "Okay, Misora-san!"

The sister-to-be just shrugged casually. "I figure we can keep the '-san' suffix for now..."

Then Chamo landed back with a thud between them.

"Chamo?" Negi blinked. "What were you doing up there, and why do you have blood on your face... again?"

The ermine twitched. "Would you... believe me... if I told you... I crashed against a plane moments ago?"

Meanwhile,at the Mahora City International Airport, a majestic caped figure clad in blue and red was carefully holding a large jet, helping it to land down to safety amidst the cheers of the crowd below.

He had seen many strange and unusual things all through his life, but somehow, that one had just struck him as particularly odd.

Had that been… a flying rat?

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Thirteen:**

**At the same time:**

Cocone had finished making tea when the doorbell rang.

Her expression remained neutral as she walked for the dorm's door, opening her up, knowing well who would she find standing there.

Indeed, it was her. The busty and pretty fair skinned girl with short black hair in a maid outfit, carrying a bag full with groceries in a hand. She bowed her head politely to the little girl. "Good afternoon, Cocone-chan."

"Good afternoon, Supervising Officer," Cocone whispered, inviting her to walk in with a subtle movement of her head.

"I have told you, please, just call me 'Siesta'," the older girl uncomfortably laughed while taking her shoes off and sitting down at a couch. "I'll be brief. Where is your roommate, by the way?"

"She is... out with some friends," Cocone kept her gaze down, offering her a cup. "Tea?"

"Thank you very much," the maid smiled warmly while accepting the drink. "It's better if she doesn't hear this yet. It's something serious. About the latest report from Ariadne," she quietly confided.

**Siesta, Commoner from the Tarbes slumps. (A last name was thus never given to her.) Imperial Immigration Initiative Experimental Subject #17.**

Cocone said nothing.

**Cocone Fatima Rosa. Further Data Currently Secret. Imperial Immigration Initiative Experimental Subject #18.**

"The specialists, including Headmaster Osmond, have detected a sudden spike on the degradation of Mundus Magicus," Siesta spoke sadly. "They are afraid the final collapse could come up in two to three years. Needless to say, the other tests subjects have panicked. So much the Headmaster told me to keep this a secret from anyone but you."

"I see," Cocone nodded passively.

"Don't worry," the maid caressed her head comfortingly. "They'll find a solution. And even if they can't, your family must be one of the top priorities to move here with us. It's your right as an Experimental Subject."

It was a lie and they both knew it. When the boat started sinking, only the higher-ups would be allowed salvation. Every Test Subject knew that by then. But they still found some solace on clutching to the official declarations, to the statements issued to convince them to join the program. All of them did, but Cocone.

But Cocone still said nothing.

Siesta looked over through a window, at the placid Mahora landscape. "To be honest, I wish to stay here. Back at the Academy, I was nothing but a peasant, a foreigner's granddaughter, a servant to be used and abused of. But here, with Ojou-sama and Roberta, and Fabiola and Fubuki-san and Taeko... I'm actually happy. Don't you feel happy here too, Cocone-chan?"

The child's calm gaze briefly wandered to her portrait with Misora on the table. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"That's good to hear," Siesta sighed. She stood up. "I think I should be going. Your roommate could arrive soon, and I gave the excuse I was out buying ingredients for dinner. They'll start worrying about me soon."

She walked for the door, putting her shoes back on before looking at the child again. "Cocone-chan?"

"Yes?"

"After Mundus Magicus is saved, we'll ask for full-time stays here, won't we?"

She nodded sparsely. "Yes."

"It's a promise," Ayaka's young maid winked an eye to her before leaving. "Have a good evening!"

"You too," the little girl whispered.

Then she lowered her head again.

"You too," she repeated.

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Act Fourteen:**

Siesta calmly walked down the boulevard and heading back towards the bus stop that would take her back to the Yukihiro Manor.

Yet her heart was filled with dread and despair.

She couldn't even tell Cocone half of it. She also felt it had no point, no chance of succeeding at all. She only could fear for her uncle and her cousin Jessica back at home, fully knowing the authorities would just ignore their promises and leave them at their own highly limited devises when the collapse would come.

Maybe she should just tell Ayaka-sama the truth.

But that only filled her with even more fear. Wouldn't she consider that a betrayal of her trust, an ongoing lie, a facade made to fool her? That was assuming she even believed her, and regardless, even the Yukihiro influences could do nothing for her family.

All she could do was to silently keep on praying for a solution.

Then she heard the raspy chuckles coming from behind her.

"Hey, Little Lady..."

She started walking faster.

"Don't ignore us, Lady..."

They stepped out from behind the trees to stand in her way, grinning mockingly at her sudden paleness and her fearful reaction. Forcing her to halt.

"Haven't you heard, Onee-chan?" one of the young punks asked, with his hands in his pockets. They both wore black school uniforms, being a few years older than her, and yet they also towered over her, menacingly. "They say there's a vampire on the loose around here. A cute thing like you shouldn't be walking around all alone..."

"Yeah..." the other boy nodded. "You should have one guy or two around to protect you. They say bad things happen to girls who walk all alone after dusk..."

"Sun hasn't set down yet," she said, struggling to seem firm, trying to take a page from Roberta's attitude and failing miserably. "And I can look after myself. Let me pass, please."

"Sun isn't out yet? Great, it's early enough then," one of them snorted. "Let's hit a karaoke bar, okay? Forget your patrons. Those fat cats won't need to eat for a while..."

"Let me go," she asked, attempting to stand her ground. "I am expected to be back at home shortly."

"Shit, Onee-chan, just stop shakin' around like a scared puppy," the larger boy laughed. "Let you go? We ain't even grabbed you yet..."

"Yeah, don't be so pushy," one of them reached over to grab her by a hand. "We just wanna be friendly, that's all. Relax. You'll have more fun and live longer that way..."

She was about to yell for help when another male voice called out strongly.

"You heard her! Let her go!"

Lazily, the delinquents looked around to look at a boy of 16 or 17 years of age, short and rather thin, wearing jeans and a blue and white sweater, standing near and looking angrily at them. He had short black messy hair and large black eyes, and his fists shook in place nervously.

One of the punks stalked towards him. "And why should we, ya little turd? Who says you can just show up and boss us around? Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Hey, I know him," the other delinquent spoke. "He's the little shitface who works at the grocery store. The only who raises a fuss whenever I try to swipe a magazine away."

"It's him? Huh," the other punk snorted. "He's so bland I had forgotten him. Well, White Knight-sama, there's something I always do to bland do-gooders who try tellin' me what to do..." He cracked his fists before punching the boy in the stomach.

"Oooofff!" the boy recoiled back.

"Wait! Don't-!" Siesta advanced, but the delinquent near her kept her firmly grabbed by a wrist.

"Where do you think your goin', Onee-chan? It's dangerous to get in a fight between two men!"

"I told you to let me go!" she struggled. "That isn't a fight! It's just cruel bullying!"

The short boy continued receiving the full blunt of his attacker's rage, as he was punched time and time again without getting a chance to defend himself. Siesta watched on with horror for a few moments, but when she was about to yell again, she saw another figure quietly approaching down the boulevard.

She was wearing the same maid outfit as her.

Her black hair made up into a bun.

"Fabiola-san!" Siesta gasped hopefully.

The punks both gave the newcomer an annoyed glare.

"Who's this other chick?"

"Look, she's another Maid Cafe Cosplayer. We're in luck! Now there's one for each one."

"Now you're talking. But I call dibs on the first one."

"Gotcha."

Unconcerned, the second maid stopping before her, looking at the coughing battered boy on his knees, then at Siesta. "Are you okay, Siesta-san?"

"Ah... ah, yes, I am. But he... He..."

"Ojou-sama was growing concerned about your lateness, so Fubuki-san sent me to look for you," the maid with the slight but strange foreign accent formally announced. "Sorry I took so long."

The bullies loomed over her.

"Hey, don't try to ignore us, Onee-chan!"

"Yeah, you're hurting our feelings! At least tell us your name!"

The foreigner bowed while grabbing her white apron up with both hands. "Allow me to introduce myself then. I am currently under employment of the Yukihiro Zaibatsu. My work is to handle miscellaneous chores around the local Yukihiro properties, and my name is Fabiola Iglesias. Pleased to meet you."

They chuckled. "Oh, I can say you're going to be pleased."

"You seem new at town, Honey. What if we give you a good tour of Mahora City at night?"

The pummeled boy tried to stand up to stop them, but Siesta crouched down next to him, gently holding him back. "No, please," she whispered. "Fabiola-san knows what she's doing. Trust her."

"Siesta-san and me have no time to waste with the likes of you. Please begone," Fabiola spoke matter-of-factly. "Otherwise, I will be forced to take you off the way myself."

They growled, rushing on her like hawks zeroing on a bunny. "You little bitch! Gaijins should show more respect while here!"

With a sigh of resignation, Miss Iglesias moved quickly, dodging the first boy, then quickly grabbing him by a forearm and lifting him up, slamming him down onto his friend.

"You damn wacko!" the larger one got up, pulling a switchblade out. "I'm gonna mark that pretty face and then some!"

"Don't make me laugh," Instead of pulling back, she simply jumped ahead, avoiding the blade, head-butting him in the stomach, and grabbing him by the wrist and twisting, until a loud snap of bones was heard along with a yowl, and the switchblade fell down from limp fingers.

The weapon was quickly picked up by the second young thug, but Fabiola just gave him an annoyed glare while slamming his larger friend against a tree's trunk. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

The smaller punk trembled in place for a moment before shaking his head and dropping the switchblade down.

"Wise decision," Fabiola droned before tossing his friend on him as if she had just tossed a doll. "Now listen well, please," she calmly asked while placing a foot on the first thug's crotch and pressing down painfully. "I refuse to be amicable with hooligans like you, but I still have held myself back because Ojou-sama dislikes messes. Please stop bothering my colleague and the boy with her, or I will be less considerate next time." To prove her point, she pressed her foot down more, causing a loud agonic yell from her victim. "And just in case you think of ganging up with any more friends of yours, please keep in mind my superiors would take that as a grave offense against our household, and they're much more skilled than me. Do we have an understanding on the matter?"

Both delinquents nodded desperately.

"Excellent," she released them. "Now please just disappear from our sight."

They ran away screaming the very next moment.

"Hmmm..." she shook her head.

"Fabiola-san!" Siesta raced to hug her. "Thank you so very much!"

"I only followed orders from Fubuki-san and Roberta-san..." she began to speak dryly, but then she smiled and caressed Siesta's hair, "But I would have come even if I hadn't received them. Honestly, what will we do with you and Taeko? Hopefully Ojou-sama will never have to rely on you for protection..."

Then she looked at the recovering boy.

"Are you sure he wasn't troubling you as well?"

"Oh, of course he wasn't!" Siesta made clear. "As a matter of fact, he was defending me before you arrived!"

Fabiola bowed to the boy. "Thank you for helping our worthless colleague, Mister..."

"Saito! Hiraga Saito!" the boy bowed back. "It was my pleasure! I'd do it again without a second thought!"

Fabiola nodded. "It's always good to meet a true gentleman. But I'm afraid we must leave. Can you find your way back to your home alone?"

He laughed it off. "Yeah, I'm not that banged up! And I always take this way after my part-time job. Don't you worry."

"You have my infinite thanks," Siesta blushed charmingly, bowing to him as well. "My name's Siesta. If you ever have businesses with the Yukihiro Zaibatsu, I'll attend you as best as I can."

The boy's face flushed red, steam nearly coming out of his ears. "O-Okay! Nice to meet you, too! G-Goodbye!" He quickly took off.

Fabiola smirked softly. "Ojou-sama will get angry if she learns you were wasting time on a date, without telling anyone..."

"It-It wasn't that! I just met him!" Siesta nervously gathered her groceries together, all the while taking a mental note of finding out where did he work and start buying there from now on.

"Okay, I'll believe that," Fabiola let it to slide. "And I won't tell them, either."

"Again, I must thank you. You are a real lifesaver."

"Don't mention it," Miss Iglesias began to walk away. "But what did take you so long, then?"

Siesta lowered her gaze ruefully. "I was... giving a friend news from home."

* * *

 

**Wild Cards, Epilogue:**

**Evangeline's Cottage:**

The night was starting to fall quietly all over the woods, faint moonlight filtering itself through the windows. Inside of a darkened room, Chachamaru sat before a computer. Evangeline waited lazily sitting on the lower frame of a large window; computer researching was a boring mystery for her. Videogame playing was okay, of course, but beyond that, she stuck to the strictly old fashioned. If she had to read on something by herself, she'd just pull a dusty old tome from the library.

"How is it going?" she finally asked, letting a kittenish yawn out.

"I believe we can proceed with it," Chachamaru quietly said. "It seems like my theory was correct after all. Besides the curse of the Thousand Master, there's actually another factor inhibiting your powers, Master. The electrically powered barrier circling the campus is playing a restraining role between your magic reserves and your biochemistry, dampening your magic output. However, that barrier demands for a huge amount of energy to work."

"To the point, Chachamaru," Eva said. "Can we do it, or not?"

"Yes. This weekend's programmed blackout, while brief, should allow you to regain use of your vampiric powers as long as you boost them up with your Western magic. And they shouldn't be expecting a counterattack from you before the next full moon. However, it still won't allow you to leave campus, and the effect will be as short lived as the blackout itself."

"More than enough time to crush the Boyo," Evangeline tightened a fist. "It's worth the effort."

Chachamaru lowered her eyes as if her spirits had sunk down.

"Why do you care so much about him?" the blonde disdainfully asked, having noticed it. She always noticed everything.

"He is... like a kitty," the gynoid mused.

"What?"

"So easy to pet. So soft. So warm," she looked at her own cold hands.

Eva arched an eyebrow.

"So... warm," Chachamaru whispered, almost longingly.

Evangeline took out her key. "Right. Obviously, you need to get laid…"

* * *

 

 **NEXT:** Konoka's Omiai!


	17. Lesson 14: Hakase and Sakurako

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Sailor Moon_ and all its characters belong to Takeuchi Naoko.

 _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ and all its characters belong to Studio GAINAX .

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

Doctor Strange and all related characters and elements belong to Marvel Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. Don't sue. Please.

A huge, huge new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for helping to correct this chapter, as well as adding more lines and jokes. Again, you'll recognize them because they are the good ones.

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON FOURTEEN.**

* * *

 

**Act One:**

177A Bleecker Street, Greenwich Village.

Stephen Strange stood calmly perusing through the ancient tomes of his library. Book after book, for the last few hours, without ever saying a single word.

Wong's figure stood at the doorway then, with his arms crossed behind his back.

"Master," the Tibetan man announced, "As much as I hate to interrupt your stimulating research binges, I must bring you news of a visit."

"Tell the Guardian to come in, Wong," Strange absently nodded, closing a thick manuscript down. "I knew it would come to this eventually."

"Very well, Sir," the manservant respectfully bowed before leaving. "Ring the bell if you need tea, snacks, your lawyer's number, or... private protection."

The taller man sighed. Had Wong ever been that... special... in past iterations? The way he waggled his eyebrows was truly disturbing.

Regardless, there was no time for such trivial considerations. Not when the woman carrying the long, thin Key of Time itself calmly strode into the room, with the aplomb and subtle majesty befitting her role.

She had short blond hair and a black mole under her left eye. Cold green eyes, and a svelte, appealing body, still youthful and healthy, showcased by her short skirted outfit, with tall and shiny black boots, a large bow over her chest, and a golden tiara on her forehead.

He coldly focused his eyes on hers. "Doctor Akagi."

"Stephen," she greeted back. "It's been a while."

"If you say so," With a polite gesture, he invited her to sit down, a chair moving itself near her. She accepted it gracefully, never letting her staff aside, always keeping it firmly gripped.

"Thank you," the woman said. "No doubt, you already know why am I here."

"Mahora," Strange spoke.

"Mahora," she confirmed. "I'm going to keep a close eye this time."

"I can't say I approve," he dryly said, pulling a chair of his own and sitting down as well. "You, more than anyone else, should be aware of the need of not interfering."

"I know the world of mages is strictly under your supervision, but this situation in particular has spilled over well into our domain by now," the woman countered. "This can't keep itself for long, and you know it. I'm sorry."

He slowly shook his head, his chin vaguely resting on the back of a hand. His eyes were quiet but deeply cynical, like those of someone who has seen too much. "No, you aren't. And you probably shouldn't be. Maybe, after all, I'm the one who is in the wrong here."

He breathed deeply. "I won't attempt to stop you. You have your ways, different from those of Meioh Setsuna. It doesn't mean I agree with them, but I can respect them. And place a vote of trust upon you."

"I wouldn't have accepted this role if I hadn't fully believed I could live up to her legacy. That's' exactly why do I have do this. Rest assured, the Gate of Time will be safe during my absence."

He nodded. "I know. That isn't what concerns me."

"Then exactly what?"

"The same thing that concerns you. This time, we cannot predict the outcome. This time, the outline is all but impossible to follow."

"I'll follow it personally, then," she promised. "And I'll stop them if I need to."

Stephen Strange hummed thoughtfully. "Just pray your protector planet that doesn't just open the door... for something much worse, Sailor Pluto. Killing off those sparkly vampires once was more than enough…"

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

**Next Saturday Night:**

As much as Chamo had insisted on the need of training in the use of Artifacts, especially together, it had been truly difficult, borderlining the nearly impossible, to pull that off. They simply had nowhere to do that. Misora's club had meeting every other day, and finding a large empty lot away from curious eyes at an overpopulated campus had proved to be a task beyond any of the team members' capacities.

The team, Chisame thought as she lazily tapped on her keyboard. It was so weird to think of them as that. Maybe 'Desperate Temporal Alliance to Survive' would be more accurate, although Sensei and the other idiots seemed to be almost warming up to the notion of becoming a group now. Although they all had agreed on drawing a line at wearing uniforms, much to Chamo's disappointment. He had placed such high hopes on his miniskirted designs…

Regardless, she, at the very least, had found a good use for her own Artifact. With the mice's help, she had boosted her webpage's popularity to astonishing levels; from getting links all across the Web to improve her layout and image quality to degrees she never had thought possible. Kotokon's page had been left behind in the dust.

Chamo, of course, had been angry about her wasting time on that instead of using her Artifact for offense and defense practices, but she had silenced him out with a few fine cosplay pics.

Satomi had tested her Artifact with the Robotics Club a few times, passing it off as a design of her own creation. The results, she had said, were nothing short of amazing; she could benchpress nearly a ton or something like that, not to mention punching holes through walls, blah, blah, blah. That was the scary part. The scarier part was she was talking about improving upon it herself. The scariest part was Chisame was sure she could do it.

Misora had a harder time with hers, since it was a pain to find a place where to run faster than the Road Runner without bumping into something or, worse, someone. Unless she ran on the lake, but that had its own problems. But at least, she had said, it had secretly made finishing her chores at the church a lot faster and easier. Much more time to waste around doing nothing with Cocone afterward. Whoever 'Cocone' was. Sensei had said something about her being a friend of Misora.

Still, they should have a few more days left to find a practice place until the next full moon. With any luck, Eva wouldn't attack her even during that first full moon. Maybe she only was boasting, even! Yeah, fat chance.

Chisame sighed while she turned her computer off. The fruits of the Internet victory were highly sweet to munch onto, but after enjoying them, she actually felt somewhat empty. It had been too easy. It robbed her from a lot of the thrill, of the challenge.

Her gaze wandered over to Hakase, sleeping on the lower bed without any care in the world, drooling out of a corner of her mouth. As usual, the brat had sleepwalked over to lie at her side, right where he slept now clutching Satomi's blue pajama-clad body like a koala hugging its tree.

Hasegawa breathed out, undoing her ponytail so her long hair flowed down. For a moment she only stood there, relatively fresh off the shower, wearing only her panties and a very long white shirt, the top two buttons off revealing some developing cleavage, which covered past down her crotch and until the middle of her thighs. If the brat could see her then, she would have freaked out, almost as much as him, but as it was now, she actually could bear it.

The ermine slept heavily in his pilfered underwear drawer. Good thing, too. That at least kept him out of hers.

Chisame paused before going up to her bunk, watching at both of her placidly sleeping human roommates.

Sensei had not slept with her in days. Was it a result of Hakase's bed simply being more at hand, or did he, for some reason, just prefer her nightly company?

Eh. As if Chisame cared.

Still, she didn't move yet.

She hugged her upper body. The night was cold.

For a moment, she wondered how would it feel... to...

The teenager debated what to do with herself for a few moments, and in a full state of good mind, her rational part would have won fair and square. But she was sleepy and feeling cold, and for some stupid reason, snuggling over with them looked like a good idea. Only for a few brief moments, yeah. No more.

Just to know how would it feel like. For that only time, and nothing more.

Quietly, in a perfect silence, she wobbled ahead working herself into the bed. Awkwardly, she maneuvered her body behind Sensei's, lying down touching his back with her chest, very slightly. He squirmed a bit, made an incoherent sound, but never opened his eyes. Half-satisfied with the result, she passed an arm over him, then to lazily envelope it over Hakase's petite frame as well.

And it felt good.

Really good.

It was so freaking wrong.

She was holding them both close to her, and it was disgusting and stupid and bothersome, but at the same time, it just felt too warm and comforting to describe it with words.

She closed her eyes, muttering to herself. She only would enjoy a hour or two of that, then go back to her own bunk and forget all that ever happened. Yes, now that was a good plan! A really great one, yessir.

She slowly fell asleep with her chin coming to rest upon Negi's right shoulder.

In his dreams, Chamo shuddered, and he wondered why he could want to wake up from a dream of being declared Overlord of Panties…

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

Sunday Morning.

Negi woke up spurred the soft chuckles coming from near the bed. He lifted his eyelids vaguely thinking they seemed to weigh a ton now.

Then he found himself sandwiched between a sleeping Hakase before him, and a sleeping Chisame from behind. His first reaction was to panic, but his survival instincts told him to ease down immediately.

 _How do I get in these situations?,_ he despaired to a level that would have made Itoshiki-sensei proud. _Since I arrived to Mahora, it's been a succession of events like this. Things of this caliber never happened at Merdiana.._

No, wait, it happened there too, he told himself, remembering the incident with Anya, the dishwasher and the garden hose. Not to mention the infamous event involving him, Anya, Nekane, that toaster and a huge jar of butter. It had taken them one week to explain it to everyone, and three more to get Chamo stop laughing.

Chamo. Chamo was chuckling at them right now, too, with a paw over his mouth, watching from his bed at the drawer. Why wasn't Chamo helping him? Why did he choose just to chuckle? And why did he, Negi himself, remotely feel like killing him now?

So busy he was dwelling on it, he failed at first to notice Chisame was beginning to stir up. When he did notice, it only paralyzed him with further fear, so he could do nothing but look at her with gigantic round eyes and a face frozen in a rictus forced grin when she lazily opened her eyes up.

"G-G-Good m-morning..." he stammered.

The girl yelped as she recoiled away from him, but after that, against his expectations, she did not punch him or cover his face with a pillow. She only looked back at him with an equally terrified expression before attempting to assume a calmed and indifferent stance.

"G-Good morning," she dryly nodded, sitting up. Then she realized the upper two buttons of her shirt were undone, and she buttoned them back quickly, turning her back on him. For a moment she only remained still, sitting at the bed's edge with her bare feet hanging down.

She couldn't show any sort of lack of self-control now, or he could take it the wrong away. Better to act as if nothing had happened at all. Yes, she decided, that was the best course of action. Even explaining herself would be mostly pointless.

"I'll fix breakfast up," she tried to sound normal, standing up and stiffly heading for the kitchen. "R-Remember, we have promised to meet up with Kagurazaka, Konoe and Shiina in a few hours."

She was so stunned she even failed to notice Chamo's presence, leering at her as she passed by.

"Ah... Yes. Thanks," her teacher said in the same tone, counting himself lucky she couldn't look at his face now. He had been given a brief glimpse of her panties as she stood up.

 _Again, what have I done to get myself in these situations?,_ he ruefully wondered.

Right then, however, his silent musings were interrupted as Hakase put a hand on his left shoulder and pulled him towards herself.

"Kazuya-semmmpai..." she muttered in dreams. "I'm so mmmglad you're mbmack... There's smmmthing I culdnt tll ou bak thennn..."

He couldn't help but shrieking at that new twist of things.

* * *

 

**Act Four:**

At the very least, it was a pretty sunny day, Chisame thought as they stepped out into the open.

Granted, she disliked having the sun casted so strongly upon her. Perhaps she indeed was a bit of a hikkikomori after all. But still, it was... pretty, yeah. Negi sure seemed to think so, as he inhaled deeply, with a large smile on his face and Chamo perched on his right shoulder.

"Ahhhh!" the boy said. "Now this is enough to lift anyone's spirits up... Are you all sure we shouldn't call Misora-san and ask her to come with us?"

"She said she needed to spend more time with her friend, remember?" Chisame threw her hands up. "And frankly, I think we deserve a break from her. It's bad enough we'll have to endure the cheerleaders all day long."

"That's no way to talk about a teammate, Chiu-chi," Chamo told her, wagging his tail around. "I'm going to tell Miso-chi!"

"My world crumbles," Hasegawa grunted.

"Perhaps we should reconsider our attendance there, as well," Hakase pondered as she walked on, with her head hanging a bit down. She had to wear a dress again, and she hated it. And even sandals, too. Ugh. Why had Chisame picked that for her? It wasn't like it would make her any prettier after all, not like it mattered either.

Of course, she could have picked her clothes herself, but years of depending upon others for it had left her a total failure on the matter. And any attempt to just pick her own style for the event, if you could call it so, was met with a vehement 'You won't embarrass us in public!' from Chisame.

In contrast, Chisame was wearing jeans and a plain white T-shirt. Why the double standards?, Hakase wondered vaguely. Then it hit her that, unlike herself, Chisame did look good even when wearing that.

How (almost, if she had cared) depressing.

"You don't want to go? Why?" Negi sounded disappointed.

"I'd have preferred to perform investigations and updates upon my Artifact," Satomi replied matter-of-factly. "I see no actual point on wasting our time in such frivolous enterprises."

"You're just afraid to meet Shiina up close and personal again," Chisame snarked.

"That... That isn't true!" the junior scientist claimed.

"Ah?" Negi blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Ignoring him, Chisame poked Hakase's large forehead with a finger. "I've seen you avoiding her at classes."

"And... And you avoid everyone at classes, but that doesn't mean anything either!" the other girl protested.

Negi looked back and forth at them, utterly confused. "Did... Shiina-san do anything bad to you, Satomi-san?" he asked.

"No!" the black haired girl said.

Chamo chuckled cagily, then, knowingly, decided to change the matter back. "Sato-chi, if we start cancelling all social compromises, people could start suspecting the Bro hides a secret! And besides, spending all time training and no time at all enjoying ourselves dulls our senses out and tires us down, making us easy preys!"

"You only want to meet more girls," Hakase mumbled under her breath.

"Now that's something we can agree on," Chisame nodded.

The three of them marched on, with Negi now more puzzled than ever. Soon they reached the bus stop, and in a matter of mere minutes they were at the meeting point in the Mahora Comercial District.

They found Kagurazaka Asuna, clad in a black skirt with gray T-shirt and matching shoes, waiting for them alone at a corner, keeping her arms crossed.

"Kagurazaka-san!" Negi ran up to her. "Good morning! You look good today!" He looked around. "Huh? But where's Konoe-san...?"

"Oh. Good morning, brat," she said, snapping out of her thoughtful silence. "Hello to you too, Prof and Chisame."

"Hi," Chisame neutrally replied.

"Has something happened to Konoka-san?" Hakase asked the redhead.

Asuna denied with her head. "Nah, nothing serious. She only had... a few last minute things she had to do. She asked me to tell you she's sorry."

"That's a pity," the boy sadly commented.

"And where are the Three Stooges?" Chisame questioned the taller girl.

"They always are late, everywhere," Asuna put the fingers of her right hand on her own forehead. "It takes them hours to stop powdering their noses before going anywhere." Then she scowled, seeing Chamo happily wagging his tail in circles while looking at her. "Ugh, why did you bring that rat? They won't let us walk into any decent restaurant carrying that!"

"That's what I was telling Sensei," Chisame sighed, defeated. "But he can be so stubborn at times..."

Negi gave her a wounded look. "I promise he won't be a bother. Last time, he felt so alone at home..."

Asuna, meanwhile, pointed a finger at the staff hanging from Negi's back. "Hey, brat. By the way, do you ALWAYS carry that stick around?"

"Yes, he does," Hasegawa replied for him once more.

"It's a precious family heirloom, Kagurazaka-san," the child answered very politely.

"I see..." Asuna said with some vague and lingering melancholy suddenly sweeping into her voice.

"Something wrong?" Chisame asked.

"No, no, nothing!" the Baka Red laughed it off, slapping herself on the back of the neck two times. "Never mind."

Hakase, meanwhile, seemed to be breathing easier. Honestly, she had been dreading the perspectives of close contact with Shiina ever since the confusing small incident at Iincho's pool. She couldn't tell exactly why, and certainly didn't want to at all, but still, the feeling was there. Now that was an area it was better left unexplored and undiscovered.

So naturally, the universe made itself sure to bring Shiina in roughly two seconds afterward.

"HELLOOOOO, EVERYONEEEEEEE!"

Satomi stiffened at the three chorusing voices coming from behind her. Chisame only groaned, while Asuna waved a hand at the newcomers, and Negi smiled at them with a hearty greeting. Chamo was doing his best to keep on acting as a simple normal pet, but his joy at meeting the cheering trio was still evident.

"Prof-chan! You came, after all!" Sakurako hugged her before anyone else, giggling and apparently not noticing her subtle discomfort at all.

"Urk," Hakase only could make a tiny awkward sound. Thankfully, Shiina let her go immediately to go hug Chisame and finally Negi. "Oh, and you too, Chisame-chan! And Negi-kun! Oh, I'm so happy!"

"You... You are welcome..." Negi eeped as Sakurako pressed her chest against his throat before dropping him down.

"Hey, Asuna!" Madoka gave the redhead five. "Where's Konoka?"

"Family matters," Asuna surmised with a shrug of her shoulders. "Nothing she could do about it. Sorry."

"Well, there's always a next week," Misa commented before patting Negi on the head. "Why, hello there, Negi-kun! Ready to have the day of your life at the city?"

"Yes!" he nodded firmly.

"Well, then, where do you want to go first?" the purple haired cheerleader... leader... asked him. "Shopping?"

"Karaoke?" Sakurako asked with a hopeful tone.

"The fair?" Madoka added in.

"I don't know..." he blinked. He had not planned that far; he had just assumed the girls would lead there. The boy turned his gaze towards Chisame for help, but she only waved her hands in front of herself and said,

"Anything's fine with me! Really!"

"Yeah, same thing here..." Satomi nodded softly.

Misa sighed and shook her head while closing her eyes. "What we have here is a serious case of people who doesn't know how to have fun."

"What do you suggest, Doctor Kakizaki?" Madoka asked her with a chuckle.

Misa grinned, lifting an index finger up. "Glad you asked, Nurse Kugimiya. My diagnose is a full day therapy of rest and relaxation! Starting with an overdose of window shopping, and buying this poor kid something decent to wear beyond those horribly boring formal suits!"

"There... there is no need for that!" Negi nervously chuckled.

"Oh, but we insist!" Misa cooed. "It's the least we can do for our dear teacher!"

Chisame could say from that point Misa only wanted an excuse to undress and dress him up.

Less than ten minutes later, Chisame had been proved to be right on her suspicions.

"Uwaa! No, Kakizaki-san, no! I can do that by myself!" his voice yelled from behind the curtains of the dressing stand at the store.

"Don't be so shy, Negi-kun!" Misa's voice musically laughed in a crystalline way from behind the same curtains. "Men always need help to dress up properly; otherwise you just make a mess out of yourselves. Now unfasten that buckle! The pants are next!"

The graying saleswoman waiting outside next to the other girls chuckled with a hand over her mouth. "He's a very respectful boy. That's strange to see in these times. Which one of you is his sister?"

"None of us," Satomi plainly said. "He's our homeroom teacher."

The woman was left speechless. "... Oh."

Negi re-emerged into sight wearing more casual pants and a solid black T-shirt with the stylized design of a white wing on his chest. "I think... I think I'll pick this one," he said.

"I told him to choose another thing," Misa bemoaned, "But he can be very stubborn. I can't believe he wants to wear that ugly black thing when he can wear something much cuter and more modern like... this!"

She held another T-shirt, this one displaying a colorful and extravagant rainbow design, up, for the others to see.

Chisame, Satomi, Asuna and Madoka all made disgusted faces.

"Actually, I can't blame him!" Asuna admitted.

"Seriously?" Sakurako pointed at the piece of clothing Misa favored. "I think this one's much better, too."

"They have no taste, Sakurako-chan. Let them be," Kakizaki feigned an offended humph.

"I'm sorry...!" Negi laughed weakly. "But for some reason, I really like this one," he looked down at the wing drawing. "It's... cool looking."

"Yeah," Asuna smiled. "Yeah, it is."

Then there was the briefest silence until Misa turned to the saleswoman. "So, how much is it?"

"Kakizaki-san, no!" Negi started. "I insist on paying for it!"

"Hush, hush," the violet haired girl silenced him. "I said it'd be on me, and I'll be offended if you contradict me."

Now that had managed to close his mouth down. "...Okay, sorry."

Chisame sighed to herself again. Honestly, he was just too easy to manipulate.

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

"YAHOOO! What a great weather!" Sakurako stretched her arms up as they all walked out into the street.

"You're so right!" Misa beamed, keeping Negi grabbed by an arm as he carried the bag with the folded suit he had taken off in his other hand. "Okay, let's buy some clothes for us now!"

"Ehhhh?" Sakurako blinked. "I thought we'd go to the karaoke after that!"

"That sounds good too," Misa agreed. "Fine, let's do it!"

"That can wait!" Madoka pointed at the other side of the avenue. "Look, the matinee session is about to start!"

They all looked to the movie theater heavily featured in the mall the black haired cheerleader pointed at. The large posters on its walls showed image after image of a tall, tough looking guy with huge sideburns and an even bigger brown Afro, holding a large gun in each hand.

"NABESHIN: THE MOVIE?" Negi said.

"I love American-style action movies!" Madoka gushed. "And remember, we have a blackout tonight, so we can't catch the evening show! We always can do the karaoke after we finish here!"

"Alright, it doesn't look that bad..." Asuna nodded thoughtfully. "I kinda liked the TV show, so the movie shouldn't be that bad..."

"The TV show was the best!" Madoka slammed her right fist against the open palm of her left hand. "It was amazing! I have all the DVDs!"

"Ahhh... Seriously?" Negi brightened up. "Sounds great...! We never had that show at Wales, but I'd like to see it!"

"Then let's go!" Misa began to pull him towards the mall. "You too, sleepyheads! Or we'll lose the best seats!"

"Come on, Prof-chan!" Predictably, Sakurako grabbed Hakase and similarly pulled her away with herself. Madoka simply strode right behind them, humming happily.

Chisame and Asuna dragged behind.

"I think it's a stupid show," Hasegawa confided in a low voice.

Asuna shrugged. "Not bad to kill some time off. If it makes them happy..."

Misa pampered on Negi again, buying him the tallest order of soda, popcorn and candy available. The teacher had thanked her with truly childlike enthusiasm, and silently, Chisame decided to let Kakizaki have her way with him for now. After all, he finally was behaving his age. That had to be a good thing. She firmly pushed aside the little voice in her head reminding her that was how child-molesters acted toward their marks…

They sat in the closest row to the screen they could find, although the theater was mostly full by then. Madoka first, then Asuna next to hers, then Chisame, with Hakase at her side. Sakurako and Satomi's other side, and Negi between her and Misa. Chamo chose to cuddle down into Misa's lap, rubbing himself too closely against her crotch for her comfort, although she still allowed him to stay there.

The 'NABESHIN' logo appeared on the giant screen as the classic music from the TV show started to play. Madoka swooned.

"His name is Watanabe Shinichi!" the narrator's voice began to boom through the theater. "A man with no past, a living legend traveling the world in a never ending journey for revenge... and justice!"

Two loud gunshots were heard, making Negi jump in place.

"It's all part of the classic opening!" Misa eased him down with a laugh. "Nothing else, Negi-kun!"

"Eh, heh heh, yes, sorry..." he quickly nodded.

"Along with his loyal allies, Antonio, Tetsuko the Mysterious Lady, and the Space Butler, Nabeshin fights the evil forces of the sinister Syndicate while looking for his wife and daughter!" the narrator continued.

"I heard he finally finds them in this movie," Madoka whispered to Asuna.

"Then the story ends here?" Asuna whispered back, disbelieving. "No way!"

"It doesn't," Chisame mumbled, annoyed, just to get them to shut up. "And if you don't keep quiet, I'll tell you all the spoilers I learned from the Internet."

"I thought you didn't like the show enough to-" Asuna started.

"Space Butler dies at mid-movie!" Chisame shot back without giving her any time to finish.

"AHH! STOP TALKING, YOU SPOILING FIEND! I'LL SHUT UP!" Madoka covered her ears with her hands just as the public behind her angrily hushed her.

"... Space Butler?" Negi babbled.

"It's... that kind of show..." Misa laughed weakly.

* * *

 

**Act Six Point One:**

The group watched how the Hero's car spun around in the air, then crashed back against the ground, giving several turns before stopping, with the cars of the bad guys gathering around it. As the Hero crawled out and began shooting his enemies dead, Asuna commented, "You know, I've always wondered why no one in those cars breaks his neck when that happens."

"That's very morbid, Asuna, " Madoka replied.

"But the car spins around, crashing against the ground several times, hard enough to end up a mess! I mean, I haven't ever been in one of those myself, but I figure there's a good chance of snapping your neck there."

"I figure there's a good chance of the audience snapping our necks if you don't keep it quiet, " Chisame hushed them.

Several murmurs of approval could be heard from the back rows.

Madoka whistled sinking into her seat. "I always wished to live dangerously."

"I see why you enrolled into Mahora, then," Chisame answered.

**Act Six Point Two:**

Negi really wanted to move his right arm.

The only problem being Misa wasn't letting it go.

"Kakizaki-san..." he whispered.

"Just call me Misa. What is it?"

"My arm is kind of numb..."

"Oh, dear! Never worry, I'll massage it so it feels better!"

"No, no! I only need—" He shuddered while her soft petite hands started to rub up and down his arm. "I-I only need—"

"Does it feel good, Negi-kun?" she playfully purred.

The responsible citizen part of Chisame that heard this pointed out Misa seemed to be trying to follow the plot of a hentai doujin. She told it to sit down and shut up.

"... Yes. That's exactly the problem," he squirmed.

"You need to relax. Let me work on that," she started massaging his shoulders now.

Yup, definitely the plot of a hentai doujin.

He gasped. "I-I-I think I need to use the restroom!"

"Oh! I can help you with—"

"NO, PLEASE!"

"— I only wanted to show you the way..."

At that point, Asuna felt compelled to ask, "Why would you know the way to the men's toilets?"

Someone must have finally gotten sick with the noise, because at that exact same moment, a discarded Pepsi can bounced on her head from behind.

**Act Six Point Three:**

With a sigh, Negi finally returned from the bathroom just in time to see his students watching at the screen with huge and paralyzed eyes.

"Girls? What's wro—" Then he looked at the screen again and understood. His jaw hung open at the sight of the current scene.

"Kumi-Kumi-san..." Nabeshin was lustily panting.

"Oh, Nabeshin..." the woman under him sighed.

Chisame rushed over to Negi and blocked his eyes with her hands. "Wh-Who the Hell decided this movie was PG?"

"Well..." Sakurako blinked, scratching her right cheek. "The shadows make a good job of hiding the worst parts, I think..."

Misa looked down at her own lap with disgust. "Negi-kun! Your ermine has—he has—!"

"Huh. That'll leave a stain," Hakase took a good look at it. "You should see how many of Chisame's panties he has—"

Chisame just grabbed the Pepsi can Asuna had crushed down and tossed it into Satomi's head before she could finish the sentence.

**Act Six Point Four:**

Misa returned wiping her hands clean and helplessly looking down at her skirt. "I'll need to buy a new one after we're out."

"I'm so deeply sorry, Kakizaki-san, " Negi apologized again, keeping Chamo now firmly seated on his knees.

Misa just gave him a casual hug. "Don't be. It's not your fault. So, what did I miss?"

"They have just revealed Tetsuko was really a man, and they tossed another two cans on Asuna's head, " Madoka whispered.

The redhead was rubbing her aching head. "Why do I have to be the target when you guys make noise?"

"The bells make you the most visible target in the dark?" Satomi postulated.

"Hush, hush!" Madoka said. "Look! Space Butler is about to—!"

" _Adios... Amigos..._ " the man with the colorful hair had just pressed a button and blown himself to pieces along with his enemies.

"SPACE BUTLERRRRRR!" Nabeshin cried out. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I still don't understand who was that man supposed to be, " Negi confessed softly.

"I'll lend you my DVD collection, " Madoka promised.

Negi still was puzzled. "Shouldn't they have made the movie more accessible for those who didn't watch the series?" he wondered.

"Yeah, like we did with the Ala Alba OVA?" Hakase dryly asked.

Everyone else just gave her a blunt and sudden 'Don't touch that topic' stare.

"... Sorry," she quickly fell back in character.

**Act Six Point Five:**

The climax was a really intense and frightening one, with all the aliens and ghosts and the hook-handed murderer and everything else. Intense enough to make Negi cling to Misa for emotional support, being harshfully reminded of a traumatic event in his past as soon as the snow began to fall around the combatants and the demons started to join the melee. Misa just smiled and cradled him against herself, under her arm.

Sakurako was doing the same thing with Hakase, much to the latter's awkward annoyance.

"Sakurako-san..." she whispered.

"Wh-What, Prof-chan...?"

"You don't need to grab me so strongly..."

"Sorry..." the cheerleader looked at her with huge pleading puppy eyes. "It's just this part is really, really scary..."

Satomi softened down a bit. "Very well, then... I guess..."

Then a guy was abruptly cut by half, and both Negi and Sakurako yelped, hugging their respective supporters even more tightly.

Misa and Satomi all but melted down.

"Man, this is lame," Asuna grunted. "The series was much better. It's as if they're throwing everything and the kitchen sink in, and it just isn't working at all. Don't you think the same, Chisame?"

No reply.

Asuna looked aside to see Hasegawa was just too busy drawing on a small notebook to notice her. The redhead saw she was scrawling sketches of the heroine's dress up.

"... Why are you doing that?"

"I DON'T DO COSPLAY!" Chisame shouted without looking at her.

"... Ah."

Another can landed on Asuna's head. She only sighed by this point.

**Act Six Point Six:**

"DIRECTOR-SAAAAAAAN!" the little girl wailed as she ran into her father's waiting arms.

"POEMI-CHANNNN!" Nabeshin caught her into a strong loving hug.

"Why does she call him 'Director'?" Negi asked in the lowest possible tone.

"I'll explain you later," Misa promised, with a finger over her lips.

Madoka sobbed, running a tissue over her wet eyes. "... Beautiful. The moment we waited for through six full seasons...!"

Then a gunshot was heard from nowhere, and the little girl fell down against her father's body.

"POEMI-CHANNNNNN!" Nabeshin cried. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The series' end theme began to sound as the words 'TO BE CONTINUED...' appeared in giant letters over the screen.

"...!" Madoka had her mouth fully open.

"So, the spoilers were right," Chisame huffed.

Yet another can landed on Asuna's head. The Baka Red had enough now; she sprang to her feet and tried to find her attacker in the darkness. "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH! WHO'S THE WISEGUY! WHO?"

A young couple carrying their four years old son was already scurrying through the back door.

"Honestly, Shin-chan!" the young mother was sweating cold. "We can't bring you anywhere!"

"Gimme a break, Misae!" the child giggled despite the large fresh bump on his head. "I couldn't resist the sound of those bells!"

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

"'Explosions fix everything'", Misa laughed as they walked out of the theater, mimicking Nabeshin's voice, "Indeed! Well, that was fun! Now let's hit the shops again!"

"I dunno," Madoka looked at her wristwatch. "It's getting kinda late, and the blackout will start in a few hours. You sure we'll have enough time to do everything?"

"Yeah, I still want to hit the karaoke," Sakurako pouted.

"But I need to buy myself a new skirt now," Misa pointed down at the stain on her lap. "I'm not walking all the way back home with this!"

"It's just a simple stain..." Satomi said. "I get much worse ones on my clothes all the time, and yet I don't just throw them away..."

Misa gave her a brief condescending look. "No offense, Prof, but... some of us do have a social life to keep."

Hakase merely shrugged it off. "To each one with their priorities."

"Right," Misa said in the same tone.

Madoka rasped to break the sudden ice. "I have an idea...! Since we're so short in time, why don't we split in groups and have fun our own separate ways before going back home? We always can spend more time all together next week!"

"We can?" Chisame scowled.

"Ah, ha ha ha, of course we can..." Negi laughed stiffly to try and soften the blow of her bluntness. "Since we're on a short schedule, it's the best thing we can do..."

"Cool!" Misa grabbed him by an arm again. "Then you and me will go shopping for the rest of the afternoon!"

"N-Naturally, Kakizaki-san..." he agreed, still feeling guilty about Chamo's _faux pas_.

"Well, well!" Madoka said perhaps a bit too loud. "Then what if you come to the fair with me, Asuna-chan, Chisame-chan?"

"Us?" Chisame blinked.

"Why exactly us?" Asuna asked.

Kugimiya forced a wide grin as she wrapped an arm around each one's shoulders, nearly tugging them along with herself. "Because why not, dummies?" she chuckled. "C'mon, c'mon, don't tell me you're afraid of rollercoasters!"

Asuna brightened up. "I love rollercoasters! Have they added one to the local fair?"

"Last month, " the black haired cheerleader nodded.

"Then let's go!" Kagurazaka enthused.

"I don't like fairs that much..." Chisame began to protest.

"All the more reason for us to change your mind," Madoka insisted, now giving her a discreet 'Just play along, you idiot!' glare. "Come on, you won't regret it!"

"But... But where does that leave us?" Hakase doubted.

"You can go with Sakurako to the karaoke if you want," Misa proposed.

"But I've never been at a karaoke bar," Satomi lamely offered.

"There always must be a first time for everything," Misa pressed on.

Sakurako had her eyes very open, and a small trickle of sweat ran down her forehead. "R-Really, if Prof-chan doesn't want to go—"

Satomi paused at that, looking at the normally bubbly girl and feeling a tingle of something strange and unusual inside of herself. To determine exactly what it was, she attempted to compare it to other feelings she had gone through in the past, finally settling with a comparison with what she felt the time she blew the laboratory's roof off with an experimental rocket launcher.

Ah. Guilt.

"It's... It's not like I don't want to go with you..." she fumbled to find the right words. "It's just I... don't feel comfortable singing and doing such things..."

"D-Don't be silly!" Sakurako tried to laugh. "You have a very cute voice! It sounds like Kadowaki Mai's!"

"Who is that?" Hakase asked.

Misa chuckled while pulling Negi and Chamo along. "Well, it's better if we don't waste more time! We'll meet back at the Academy! And don't worry, Chisame-chan, I'll deliver Negi-kun right back at your door!"

"You'd better," Chisame mumbled under her breath.

"See you later, girls!" Negi waved a hand at them. "Please, return home early, okay?"

"The earlier we go, the earlier we'll finish, right?" Madoka chuckled, nearly dragging Asuna and Chisame along with herself in the opposite direction before pausing to give Hakase a wink. "Take good care of our Sakurako-chan, Prof!"

Satomi pointed at herself with a finger, incredulously. "Me?"

Next to her, Sakurako had fallen into a rather unusual for her silence, crossing her arms behind her back. As Madoka pulled the other two teens down the street despite Chisame's protests, she warily tilted her eyes towards Hakase. "So, um... You really sure you want to do this?"

Satomi sighed and wiped her glasses with a tissue. "Apparently I don't have an option, do I?"

Sakurako lowered her head a bit. "We can do anything else you want..."

Hakase pondered the offer, but then she caught glimpse of Shiina's oddly subdued expression, and for some reason, she felt buying spare parts was not that monumentally important for the time being. "I... I want to go to the karaoke, " she forced herself to say.

Apparently Sakurako bought it, judging from the return of her standard huge smile. "You do? Oh, that's just wonderful!"

Happily, she grabbed her by a hand and guided her down another boulevard. "The best karaoke bar I know is this way! I'm sure you'll love it!"

"Ah-hah," the teen genius said with resignation.

Vaguely, she wondered if the cheerleaders knew any way of leading people around that didn't involve dragging them off.

* * *

 

**Act Eight:**

"I feel ill," Chisame lamented as she stepped down and away from the rollercoaster, rubbing over her stomach with a hand.

"Tsk, you have no guts!" Asuna, fresh like a rose, shook her head disapprovingly.

"No, I think I lost them at that highest turn up there," the girl with glasses sat down to rest on a bench. The annoying music blaring all around them bothered her, not knowing where Misa would drag Sensei bothered her, but above it all, her revolting stomach bothered her. All that junk food she had devoured at the theater was taking its revanche.

Madoka sat down next to her, fanning her with a magazine she had bought before entering the fair. "Geez, Chisame, it wasn't that bad. Since when hadn't you rode a rollercoaster?"

The bespectacled girl sighed. Not since that time with Sora, when they were children...

"It's been a while," she simply said.

"I can say," Asuna sat down at her other side, extending her legs ahead in a careless way. She looked up at the sky, her hair bells softly tingling in the breeze. After a brief silence, she said, "How long before the blackout?"

Madoka looked at her wristwatch. "Lemme see. It starts at eight, right? Three hours from now on."

"Then maybe we should get back already," Asuna mused.

"I agree," Chisame nodded, feeling somewhat better now, at least physically. "I've had enough 'fun' for a day; I only want to tuck myself in bed and sleep for hours."

"Ditto here," Asuna added. "I have newspaper duty early tomorrow."

"Newspaper duty?" her brown haired classmate asked.

"Hadn't I ever told you? I have a job as a papergirl. It helps me to pay my studies," the redhead answered.

Chisame now remembered Asuna was an orphan, or at least she thought she was. Where had she heard it? Well, that didn't matter; what mattered was, should she say something now? Asuna was smiling in a distant, nearly nostalgic and resignated way, looking past the park's crowd and into the distance.

"Someday, I'll repay the Dean all he's done for me," she said. "I don't even know why has he bothered to help me, but he has given me pretty much everything. From paying my tuitions to letting me live with Konoka. So I'm saving as much as I can to make up for it."

The other two girls just watched her without finding the right words, until Asuna finally sighed.

"Sorry. I didn't want to bother you with my life story!"

"It's no bother, Asuna-chan!" Madoka tried to laugh, patting her on a shoulder. She tood up right afterwards. "Then let's get back home! Everyone else will find their own way back!"

"I wouldn't be so sure in Sensei and Hakase's cases," Chisame exhaled while following the two more outgoing teenagers. "She gets lost anywhere but at a lab, and he's as scatterbrained as they come."

"C'mon, c'mon!" Kugimiya chided her. "Don'tcha trust Misa and Sakurako?"

Chisame gave her a glare. "You live with them. Honestly, do you?"

Madoka blinked before laughing again. "You got me there! But really, inane as they are, they still are good and reliable people."

"Hmmmm," Chisame looked aside.

They kept on walking, now in silence, since Madoka's mood seemed to have sunk down a little after that. Until she finally said quietly, "I guess you deserve to know."

"To know what?" Asuna asked.

"No, not you, her," the cheerleader pointed to Hasegawa. "Look, Chisame, you do care about Hakase, right?"

Chisame grimaced. "What do you mean with that?"

"I mean, you live together; you are always helping her with her clothes. No doubt you must cook for her too, seeing how bad she's at Home Economics. It's like taking care of a child, right?" Madoka questioned.

"Now that you mention it, yes, my life's like a daycare center lately," Hasegawa had to admit. "Your point?"

"Well, not anyone would put up with that. Hell, I wouldn't do it, and I have no shortage of headaches looking after Sakurako and Misa, either," she conceded. "So I know you really must care about her. Other people may say you're stuck-up and arrogant, but I can respect you for what you are..."

Chisame narrowed her eyes. "WHO does say that?"

Madoka chuckled nervously. "W-Well, that's not to be discussed either now or here...!" she said, while behind Chisame, Asuna rolled her mismatched eyes around. The cheerleader grew serious. "What matters is, from one long suffering babysitter to another, I can understand your feelings. And I don't think you deserve being left in the dark about this."

"About what?" Hasegawa pressed on.

Madoka sighed. "Isn't it obvious? You must have seen how Sakurako was about going to the karaoke with Hakase. And you must have seen how she has been looking at her at classes, too! Chisame, Sakurako is a simple person, but she can be very hard to understand at times. I have no idea why does she feels that way, but-"

"Wait a moment," Chisame interrupted her.

Even Asuna was catching on. "You don't mean-!"

Madoka nodded reluctantly. "Yeah. That's why Misa and me set her up to go with her. We are pretty sure she likes Hakase."

* * *

 

**Act Nine:**

Negi patiently waited standing next to the dressing room, without making a single sound. He just kept his eyes fixed in a straight line ahead, without looking at anything in particular as he kept on waiting for Misa to finish trying the large amount of clothes she had picked up.

He was not really used to women who took so long with their dressing. Nekane had always been quick at everything she did, and Anya favored the fast and functional over the flashy and elaborate. Chisame never took long to dress up unless she was in her Internet hobby (which rarely happened when he was around), and Satomi... well, Satomi was happy putting on the closest thing at hand and calling it a done job.

Misa, he noticed, was very different, taking a long time, the rustling of cloth coming from inside again and again as she sweetly hummed a happy tune to herself. He remembered she was supposed to be at the school choir, and she truly had a beautiful voice.

A voice that now had just called on, "Negi-kun? Can you come in just a moment? Don't worry, I'm not naked," she lowered her tone a bit at that last part, although not enough to Negi's comfort.

"Oh, okay!" he walked in just to recoil with his face going crimson. Kakizaki had set her shoes aside, but also her skirt and blouse, standing with her back to him in nothing but stockings, bra and panties. All of them black, a far cry from her roommates' preference for white. He turned around just as quickly. "K-Kuh-Kakizaki-san! You said-!"

"I'm not naked," she calmly replied, cutting him off. "It's not worse than being in a bikini, really. And I need help with a zipper. I tried to put this on," she slipped into a red dress, which had its back fully unzipped, "But I can't reach all the way back. Normally, I'd ask Sakurako or Madoka for help, but..." She looked over her shoulder. "NEGI-KUN! You can look now!"

"Uh, s-sorry!" he tilted back... to face her back. Well, it at least was partially covered now. That was a start. "So..." he carefully grabbed the zipper up, "... Up all the way, right?"

"Right. But not too fast or hard, please. You might break it. It's very delicate. Take it slowly… yes, ease it like that… hmm, yesss…"

A woman who was passing by next to the dressing room blinked at hearing that coming from the inside, then sped away shaking her head to herself.

He zipped the dress up as best as he could. "It's ready, I think."

She turned aside to look at herself in the full body mirror, twisting around so she could see her own back, and then smiled widely. "It's perfect."

And she hugged Negi against herself without giving him a chance to escape, laughing melodically as she did so. "Thank you very much! You're a real sweetie!"

"Kuh-Kuhzzaki-samm, pleez!" his voice came muffled from where his face was buried between her modest, but decent sized and well rounded breasts. "Thss ss mmproper! Lemme go!"

She slapped his right shoulder playfully while allowing him to go and regain his erratic breath. "Oh, Negi-kun, everything's improper to you! But that's okay; it only makes you so much cuter!"

He sulked, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I'm your teacher; I'm not supposed to be cute..."

"Too bad you are," she grinned before walking out. "I'll take this one. As a reminder of the first time you saw me in my-"

"KAKIZAKI-SAN!"

"Just kidding, just kidding!"

From the corner of the dressing room he had been at, Chamo still was drooling all over the floor. He had seen such wonderful things for the last half hour... Being a small innocent looking animal was a true blessing sometimes.

Misa still was wearing the new red dress as the three walked back into the street, Negi now carrying two bags full with her latest buying. "Kakizaki-san, it's getting late..." he looked at the now reddish sky. "If we're late at the campus, the blackout will catch us outside..."

"Well, I'm counting on you to protect me," she winked an eye at him. Then the girl noticed he seemed truly worried and decided to humor him. "Oh, fine, you win. We'll go back home now. Happy?"

"Thank you. Sorry if I sound like a spoilsport," he apologized.

"You said it yourself, you're a teacher. You have to be a spoilsport," she joked. "But it's alright. Next Sunday, you can stop being a teacher for the day and just be my shopping spree pal again, can you?" the cheerleader asked.

He nodded. "Count on it!"

Chamo rejoiced as he followed them down the street.

Soon, however, Misa stopped abruptly. "Sensei! Look, over there!" she pointed at the other end of the avenue, with a repressed urgence in her voice. Negi followed her cue only to gasp at what his eyes wandered into.

Konoe Konoka, in a lovely fashionable yet sober and elegant white and red dress, sat at a restaurant, next to a large window, eating and cheerfully chatting with a young man seemingly in his early college years. He was very tall and handsome, with short black hair, and he wore a black suit with a white bowtie.

"Konoe-san...!" the child whispered.

* * *

 

**Act Ten:**

"What are they doing there?" Misa wondered as she took a strategic position behind a lamppost.

"Huh? Isn't it obvious?" Negi blinked. "They are eating and talking..."

The girl groaned. "I don't mean that, Negi-kun. I mean, why are they doing it? I never pegged Konoka as the type who would date older men behind her grandpa's back. Asuna, definitely, but not Konoka…"

"How do you know it's behind the Headmas-" he began, only to be silenced by a gesture of Misa.

"Because no grandpa would ever approve of that! Heck, mine spat fire when I started dating a boy my age..." she explained.

"Maybe he's only a relative..." the boy hazarded a guess.

"Only one way to know," Misa scowled, pulling her cellphone out. "I'm gonna call Asuna."

Negi sweated as the girl quickly pressed the phone's keys, then eagerly asked, "Hello? Asuna?"

Kagurazaka Asuna had already split from Chisame and Madoka, reaching the gates of the campus when she received the call. "Yeah, it's me. Misa? You still with the brat? You'd better return soon; Chisame may deny it, but I think she's very possessive about him..."

"Forget that!" Misa told her. "Do you know if Konoka has an older brother? Cousin? Tall, a hunk, black hair, perfect smile?"

"Huh...?" the redhead paused. "No, she's an only child, with no cousins I know of... Wait, why are you asking that?"

"Hold there a moment!" the cheerleader begged before taking a photo of the couple and sending it to Asuna through picture mail. Kagurazaka made a face when she saw her roommate's happy expression while Misa needled her on, "It's terrible! Her grandpa's going to disinherit her, I'm sure! What are we gonna do?"

Asuna's annoyed groan was loud enough for Negi to hear it. "Ah, **that**. Look, Misa, just don't get involved into it, okay? I'll explain it tomorrow. Just bring the twerp already and don't worry about Konoka, will you?"

"But, Asuna!" Misa all but yelled. "They might expel her from school! She might get pregnant, then forced into a loveless marriage! Or they could make her to abort, and she could die in the process, and-!""

"STOP JUMPING TO SUCH STUPID CONCLUSIONS AND JUST COME HERE WITH THE BRAT!" Asuna barked, then abruptly cut the call off. "Geez, those idiots!"

"Asuna?" Back at the shopping district, Misa blinked. "ASUNA! I can't believe it!" she madly fumed. "She dared to hang on me! The nerve of that idiot! She's Konoka's procuress, no doubt!"

"What's a procuress?" Negi questioned.

"Never mind that now," Misa moaned. "We have to get to the bottom of this! I can't believe that innocent looking girlie would get herself such a man before I did! Compared to that guy, my ex-boyfriend is a joke..."

Negi, with far less selfish purposes in mind, gave the unsuspecting couple a concerned look. "Then, do you think we should step in? If that man is taking advantage of Konoe-san, it's my duty to-"

Misa held him back grabbing him by an arm. "No, no!" She quickly waved for him to keep a low voice. "I want- I mean, we must learn more first. We won't get anything from confronting them. We should follow them around instead, to see who's leading who."

"That's indecent stalking and eavesdropping!" Negi was scandalized.

"We call it 'strategic compilation of key information' at Japan," Misa stated. "Now hide behind me, they're coming out..."

Indeed, the couple was leaving the restaurant now, happily walking down the street.

"Shouldn't you be going back home now, Konoka-chan?" he was asking her.

"I still have time, Mamo-chan!" she laughed. "You promised to help me with the suit first!"

"Suit?" Misa mumbled under her breath.

"Your guess is as good as mine..." Negi shrugged. He awkwardly followed Misa's lead down the street, with Chamo sticking to his heels.

Then he stopped briefly, looking back. Misa noticed, stopping as well to grab him again.

"Why are you doing that? If we aren't fast, we'll lose them!" she reminded him.

"Oh? Sorry! I just had a hunch someone was watching us..."

"You're just paranoid about Chisame's tyranny. C'mon! Hurry up!" she dragged him back to the chase.

Luckily, Konoka and the stranger had stopped as well, looking at the window shops of a large store of men's clothing. She was happily pointing at a formal tuxedo. "I love that one! Don't you think it's lovely, too?"

The young man laughed uneasily. "I guess I do! But I've never been big on tuxedos out of... special occasions! And even then, I prefer full evening wear..".

Konoka grabbed him by a hand and pulled him inside of the store. "Let's ask how much does it cost, Mamo-chan!"

"Sure, sure!" he easily agreed as they disappeared into the business.

From her hiding place behind what surely was the last mailbox at the 21th century's Mahora City, Misa's left eyebrow twitched insanely. "They're going... to marry!"

"SAY WHAT?" Negi's heart jumped up.

"It happens all the time! A rich young heiress is embezzled by a smarmy suitor who drains all her bank acounts and founds dead!" the cheerleader lectured. "Then she dies alone and forgotten, pregnant and barefoot at a seedy apartment, leaving two underfed children behind..."

Negi had started to sob. "Poor, poor Konoe-san...!"

A beat.

"Wait," the teacher sobered up. "Are you really sure that's a tuxedo for their wedding?"

Right then, Konoka walked out of the store humming happily while her companion carried a large package up. She turned to him smiling brightly. "Well, that's done! Now all I've left to do is to tell Grandpa! In the meanwhile, please keep the suit well hidden, will you, Mamo-chan? I don't want to spoil the surprise!"

"Oh, it's going to be a surprise, all right..." Misa whispered bitterly while Negi went pale. Chamo only chuckled perversely.

"Whatever you say, Konoka-chan," the tall man was saying. "Are you sure you don't want me to-"

"No, you don't need to, silly!" she laughed. "The girls will get ideas if they see you with me. I'll be okay, really. I know my way back perfectly."

He caved in. "As you wish. Take care."

"You too, Mamo-chan," She rose up to give him a chaste kiss on a cheek. "Goodbye."

Now that blew Misa and Negi's minds up.

They still were stunned when they noticed Konoka starting to walk away alone, heading back to the Academy, as happy as she ever could be.

"A-After her!" Misa urged.

"Y-Yessir!" Mr. Springfield followed her as quickly as he could. Still, they had to keep a distance, and some traffic lights on their way made them to lose track of Konoka for a few moments. When they finally caught back to her after turning a corner, they learned they all had taken a wrong turn leading to a very narrow street where two tall and punkish looking boys were harassing Konoka. One of them had a bandaged hand, as if it had been broken recently.

"-all we sayin' is you shouldn't be walking all alone, Imouto-chan..." the taller one lasciviously crooned.

"Yeah, what if we protect you all the way to your home..." the other one offered.

"No, thanks," Konoka cutely pouted, standing her ground unafraid. "I can take care of myself. Please let me go."

"Don't be sto stuffy, Imouto-chan..." the taller one chuckled. "We ain't goin' to hurt you..."

"Konoe-san!" Without thinking about it, and paying no attention to Misa's attempt to hold him back, Negi stepped ahead in Konoka's defense...

... only to find out someone had just beaten him to it.

"I'm sure you won't," a calm, yet icy and stern female voice had just spoken, as a small, thin figure stepped in a flash, seemingly out of nowhere, between Konoka and the thugs.

Negi gasped in recognition. Student Number Fifteen of 2-A.

The Konoe girl inhaled deeply. "Setchan...!"

**Interlude:**

Chiba Mamoru sighed to himself while walking back towards his apartment building. Spending a day with Konoka-chan was enough to drain anyone's energy off. Worse than any 'Orphan', in a way.

He smiled with absent fondness. The girl, despite being too much for him to cope with, was still someone you couldn't help but being fond about. Even if only as a little sister of sorts.

He still was lost in those thoughts when he found two other girls standing on his way, before a large videogame shop. One of them had long, very long, golden blond hair, blue eyes and a red bow on the top of her head. Her companion was a bit shorter and thinner, with very short hair that was black in a nearly blueish tone, and while the blonde had a hyper, nervous expression on her face, this one had a very subdued and graceful semblance to her. Both wore casual clothes fitting girls of their age, and a small white cat sat next to the blond one's feet.

The girl with the bow angrily sipped on a can of Pepsi through a straw, while keeping her eyes fixed on the publicities displayed at the store. Walking closer, Mamoru could see they were announcements for the upcoming Sailor V videogame.

"I can't believe it..." the blonde muttered to herself, unaware of his proximity. "It's not fair... I'll never see a dime of royalties..."

Her friend laughed shakily. "Why would you see royalties out of it, Minako-chan...? For that matter, how would they know where to send it?"

The taller girl snorted in a highly unladylike fashion. "It's the principle of the thing!"

She sighed and finished her can, then carelessly threw it behind, over her shoulder. "I'm busted now, Ami-chan. Let's just head back home before the Old Man turns the lights off."

Unfortunately, the can had flown to crash against the face of a now rather annoyed young man who tapped on her shoulder from behind. Instinctively, the girl jerked back and away from him, assuming an oddly experienced fighting stance. "Hey you, pal! What's the big idea? Keep those hands off us!"

"Keep YOUR cans out of my face then, Missy!" he angrily replied, pushing the Pepsi down into her hands. Then he looked at both girls' awkwardly blushing faces and realized he hadn't chosen exactly the best words. "I, I mean, just look where do you toss things, will you? Careless kid... that's littering, that's what it is…"

"Well, forgive my hideous crime, will you?" the blond teen fumed. "I didn't mean to hit your supermodel face, but I'll still pay for the operations!"

He huffed, passing by along. "Save them for yourself!"

She tightened her fists and stuck her tongue out to him. "Idiot!"

But then she paused for a second, as she looked at his profile just as it turned away from him. "Hey, wait there a moment. Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

He never stopped walking. "I'm sure I'd remember such an ugly and rude girl if I ever met you before."

"RUDE?" she exploded, making a myriad of obscene gestures at him. "You prissy nancy-boy, to find a rude person, just look into a mirror! Slimeball!"

"Minako-chan, please..." her calmer friend objected softly. "There's no need for scenes..."

"You're right!" she grumbled, spinning around to walk in the exact opposite direction to his, and towards the Academy. "Let's go, Ami-chan, Artemis! There's no point on wasting saliva on him!"

The shorter girl and the cat sighed in powerless frustration while following her away.

That made Mamoru to stop for only a second, mildly intrigued, before keeping on walking his way as well.

Funny. He never had heard a cat sigh before.

* * *

 

**Act Eleven:**

For some ubiquitously obvious, yet also impossible to precise reason that fully befuddled Hakase, she was feeling even worse and more at unease than she had expected.

She sat in perfect silence staring at the completely happy looking and peppy Sakurako, who had taken over the small stage with her usual energy, the words musically flowing out of her in an almost supernatural way.

And Hakase didn't have the slightest idea about if she should feel impressed, embarrassed, or simply bored. Whatever the case was, she was idly regretting not taking on the offer to do something else and going to buy the spare parts now.

She didn't want to be there, no matter how beautiful and energetic Shiina's voice was.

_"Ponpon futte futte furimakutte saigo mo kihon mune no mae de kurosu! L · O · V · E raburii honjitsu mo owari ne ponpon areba nani mo nozomanai wa!"_

_"Dakedo tama ni namida ga dechau no yo onna no ko desu mono!"_

As the final chords of the music died down, the cheerleader, breathing heavier and with a wonderful smile, turned around to face the nearly expresionless scientist again. "Did you like it, Prof-chan?" she eagerly asked.

"Um, why, yes, it was... harmonically well constructed, and fitting all the esthetic properties of popularly accepted musical parameters I am familiar with..." Satomi nodded with slowness, more or less sure of having chosen the right words.

Sakurako blinked cluelessly before melodically giggling once more. "Oh, Prof-chan! The good thing about your flattery is knowing how much effort you put into wording it!"

Hakase nodded firmly and held her chin high. "I've always been a big believer of the need to express your ideas precisely through a rich vocabulary."

"Good!" Sakurako nodded back like a puppy on sugar, handing her the microphone. "Then put that vocabulary to good musical use! Sing a song for me, please?"

Satomi's hands fidgeted clumsily around the mike. "I don't know..."

"Only one song!" Sakurako asked, putting her hands together. "Then we'll go back home! But I really, really want to hear you singing! It's not fair I got to sing three times and you never did it!"

"But music isn't my field of expertise at all..." she attempted to protest.

"Well, you gotta start at some point, don't you? Don't worry, I'll pick the right song for you..." the cheerleader hummed spinning back and beginning to search through the selection of available themes. "Hmm, there's gotta be something here that suits you..."

Hakase cutely groaned to herself, closing her eyes. Even looking at Sakurako was awkward now, as the bubbly girl waved her hips and backside almost as if in purpose, in a way that was proving to be disturbingly stirring for the black haired teen. Strange, non-scientific and purely hormonal thoughts nibbled treacherously at the edges of her mind…

Slowly, Satomi half-opened her eyes back. Yes, Sakurako was, sure enough, still moving her perky posterior around to left and right, and if the innocent look on the cheerleader's face had not been combined with the inventor's utter ignorance on the matters of feminine seduction, the latter would have started suspecting of a deliberate ploy to entice her. Or not. It was, after all, still Hakase we're talking about.

Still, as it was, it was enough to make her close her eyes again, with a pale shade of pink appearing over her upper cheeks and the bridge of her nose.

* * *

 

**Act Twelve:**

Negi stood paralyzed by uncertainty as Sakurazaki Setsuna calmly finished stepping in between Konoka and her two harassers.

Konoka had just seen him, too, staring at him with wide, shocked eyes. "Negi-kun...? What are you doing here? And you too, Misa-chan?"

Before he could reply, the large bully with the bandaged hand angrily stepped forward until he almost was grabbing the unfazed Setsuna. "Hey, you her sister?" he asked. "I don't like the way you're looking at us. We only were being nice to her, that's all. If anything, you should be thankful..."

"She asked you to let her go her way," Sakurazaki countered coldly. "If you had truly tried to be helpful to her, you'd have honored her wishes."

"You little stuck up witch..." the large boy growled into her face. "Don't try telling us what to do..."

"Leave that girl alone!" Negi was now firmly advancing towards the older boys, holding his staff between his hands, despite Misa's panicked stare and Konoka's attempt to hold him by a sleeve.

The bigger ruffian scoffed at him. "Dammit, is everyone a white knight now? Stay outta this, brat, or I'll push that stick out your-

Then his friend nervously tugged on his shirt several times, pointing at something over Setsuna's shoulder . "D-Dude! Look at that! The chick's carrying a s-sword!"

The lead bully looked as well, only then noticing the long sheath the petite girl was carrying around. That stunned him for a moment, but as he saw the others' eyes fixed on him, he decided to gather his courage up. "S-So what? No scrawny chick with a training sword's going to scare me! I've been in many actual fights, and that beats that stupid staged Dojo crap!"

"Buh-buh-but!" His pal had gone ghastly pale, "Remember the maid chick the other night! She was tiny and skinny, too!"

"Lightning never hits the same spot twice!" Enraged, the huge boy grabbed a long and rusty discarded steel pipe from a nearby trash can and held a fighting stance against Setsuna. "If you wanna problems, kiddo, I'm your man! Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a skirt!"

"Okay, that's enough!" Negi stomped ahead. "I'm going to discipline you severely, then to denounce you to the Headmaster!"

However, Setsuna stopped him on his tracks with a gesture of a hand, her left arm blocking his way. "Negi-sensei. Please leave this to me."

"You don't know who are you messin' with, Imouto-chan!" the thug mocked, ignoring the screaming pain in his messed up hand as it gripped the pipe. "Just give it up now while you still have that pretty face!"

Setsuna merely looked up and down at him as if measuring him up before deadpanning, "I don't need to offend my sword by using it against you."

"WHAT?" he shouted. "Miserable moron, you-"

Then all of a sudden he had a small but steely fist smashed up against his chin. He felt his jaw cracking, and a piercing pain to make its way very quickly up to his brain, and then his limbs fell like jelly. The pipe fell from his fingers as his eyes went blank, and right after it, his body plummeted down on his back, unconscious.

Misa and Negi stared with widely open mouths.

"One punch..." Konoka whispered with awe, "... ONE PUNCH! WAIIIII! SET-CHAN, YOU'RE SOOO COOL!"

With an uncomfortable red shade very briefly covering her features, the swordsgirl got over it by shooting the remaining delinquent a blunt glare. "Will you let us pass now?"

"Y-Y-You're welcome!" the smaller thug bowed very fast, stepping aside so much his back nearly drilled through a wall.

"Thank you," Setsuna politely bowed back before grabbing the delighted Konoka by a hand and walking away with her. Misa followed them very quickly, making sure to walk a few steps over the fallen delinquent's body, then shooting the other one a mocking gaze, a hand perched on a hip.

Finally, Negi gave the KOed guy a concerned, analytical look before deciding he should be okay. The child looked at the terrified thinner punk and asked him, "Please start being gentlemen to girls, okay?"

"O-O-Okay with me!"

"Good!" he smiled, not really noticing Chamo was peeing on the sleeping boy's face before skipping after him.

Once the hapless ruffian was left alone with his buddy, he looked down at him and muttered, "I really gotta stop hangin' around with you... maybe I should start spending this time with my little sister… "

And thus he would go to walk into one of _those_ kinds of manga.

* * *

 

**Act Thirteen:**

_"Tarinai mono wa tetsubun?_ _Mineraru? Ikura tottemo ohada ga arechau._ _Koi no menseki, yuuki kakeru yume, purasu shokuyoku kakeru san ten ichi yon..."_

With the lyrics displayed in front of her finished, Hakase allowed herself to breathe again at last, slumping her shoulders down and closing her eyes. She felt so stupid, standing there in a dress (a dress!) with a microphone in hand, Shiina Sakurako clapping and clapping at the fruits of her public embarrassment. She only counted herself fortunate Chisame was not there to see her.

"You did very well, Prof-chan!" Sakurako remarked, pointing at her electronic scoreboard. "Look! You got a 68%!"

"Sixty Eight?" Satomi looked at it in panic. "It can't be! I'm not used to get anything below 98% in tests! It must be broken! I shall repair it!" She feverishly pulled a few tools out of her dress and marched towards the scoreboard.

"No, Prof-chan, no!" Shiina had to step in between them before Hakase could rebuild the karaoke bar's pride into some sort of deadly engine of mass destruction. Or maybe a toaster. Or a toaster of mass destruction. "It's not a standard test system! It just measures your singing!"

That only made her to blink. "... Is my voice THAT unpleasant?"

"No, no!" Sakurako shook her head vigorously. "It's just they have very high standards, and you still lack experience! I told you, your voice is very cute!"

"Oh..." the mad scientist paused uncomfortably. "Oh. I understand. Yes, I have never devoted too much time to my vocalization, I'm afraid, other than my attempts at improving my intonation for the University lectures. Yes. Well, leaving that aside, can we depart now?" She looked up at the wall's clock. "I, um, have important matters to attend to..."

For a moment, the cheerleader's eternally cheerful attitude dropped down as her cutesy face betrayed a quick pang of disappointment. But she lifted her spirits back up just as soon. "Sure! Negi-kun and the others must be waiting for us, after all!"

As they left the place and walked down the boulevard, Sakurako, against her customs, kept her gaze low and humble. "Prof-chan...?" she asked at last.

"Yes?"

"Did you have fun today?"

"Huh?" She doubted. "Oh, yes, I suppose I did. It was interesting to analyze all the displays of special effects in the movie. I could see some seriously advanced displays of computer imagery there, although I am of the opinion more could be done by developing the fields of animatronics, currently mostly displaced by the usage of CGI. We are attempting some interesting applications of mechanics in the making of filmography at the Club at this very moment. Suzumiya-san from High School Class 1-E is interested on hiring our services for some sci-fi motion picture she intends to create..."

"Ah," Sakurako crossed her arms behind her back, kicking a random pebble. "And... what about the time we two spent... alone? At the karaoke?"

Satomi chuckled bashfully. "Like I said, I'm not a good singer. I'm sorry to have punished your sense of hearing with my voice..."

Shiina gave her a half-hearted punch in an arm. "And I told you your voice is way cute! Don't be so harsh on yourself!"

"No. **Your** voice is pleasing. Mine never could possibly match it," the genius declared.

Sakurako blushed a bit. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For telling me you like my voice. Also, for spending some time with me. To be honest, I was... afraid you wouldn't want to."

"Well, it's true we have very different interests..."

"I guess we do," Shiina softly said. "Still, Pro-Satomi-chan, do you think two people... with very different interests... can be, errr, really, really good friends...?"

"Gee, I... I dunno," Hakase cluelessly scratched her chin. "Maybe you shouldn't be asking me. I have very few friends. The best one wa- is Chao, and we do have many common hobbies and preferences..."

"But you have Chisame-chan too," the other girl argued.

"Well, Chisame's case is... special. We are roommates, so of course we must spend a lot of time together."

"But she's still a very close friend to you, isn't she?"

Hakase paused, deeply reviewing her thoughts concerning Chisame at the best of her rather stiff and slightly dusty emotional capacities. How did she feel about Chisame, anyway? She was not a friend in the sense Chao was. With Chao, she could sit down and chat on the things they both were passionate about. With Chisame, however, it was more of an unspoken relationship between them. They clicked to some level, true, but it always was more due to a wordless agreement of sorts; Chisame led, Satomi followed. It was the most comfortable arrangement for both of them.

"I suppose it's like it must feel to have an older sister," she guessed aloud. Still, some remote part of her asked herself if there wasn't something else to it. Some other reason why she had always followed Chisame's cues. Some other explanation for the vague but warm fondness she, all things considered, felt towards her.

"You don't have siblings of your own, Satomi-chan?" Shiina asked.

"No. Father and Mother never saw the need for it."

"Mom couldn't ever get pregnant again after I was born," Sakurako mused, then giggled, "She always tells me that's why they spoiled me. I'm their eternal baby."

Hakase actually smiled at that. "But you got two sisters of your own here."

"Yeah!" Sakurako smiled back. "Misa and Madoka are like the sisters I never had. I'd be lost without them. Lost in... everything..."

She stopped abruptly, placing a hand over her own chest.

"Shiina-san?" Satomi also stopped, looking at her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No... I don't think so..."

Hakase grabbed her cheeks, checking her temperature. "Your body heat seems to be somewhat above the average, and your skin presents a sudden spike in pigmentation. Perhaps you have suffered sunstroke? Weird, since the sun's almost gone down now. Wait a second, I'm nearly sure I brought a rectal thermometer just in case. I must have it somewhere in this stupid dress..."

Sakurako stopped her, grabbing her hands urgently. "No. It isn't that. It's... Please, listen to me. Please. I don't know why do I... why do I feel this, but I have to tell you. Yes, we have nothing in common. Yes, maybe this is stupid... and maybe I'm destroying any chance we have to build a true friendship, but I can't take it anymore! Misa and Madoka told me I had to be honest with my feelings, and now I see they're right!"

Hakase arched her eyebrows. "Shiina-san, are you sure you aren't experiencing signs of mental distress? Slight hallucinations, perhaps? Intense aches in your skull and distancing with reality?"

"I beg you, listen to me!" Sakurako grabbed her by the shoulders. "Saying this is already too hard... the hardest thing I've ever done... Don't make it any harder, please..."

Hakase cringed, somewhat unnerved at that point. "What is it?"

"I- I-"

"What is it?"

"I- I-!"

"What?"

"I can't say it, I just-!"

"What do you mean with 'I can't say it'? What could possibly be complicated enough between us for you to be unable to convey it with words? What?" Hakase had grown frankly impatient now, only wanting to return to Negi and Chisame's side.

For a moment, Sakurako shrunk under her stare with watery eyes, a far image from her habitual happy go lucky self. She shivered fearfully, but when Satomi grew annoyed and began to turn around to leave, a newfound resolve seemed to suddenly grip the cheerleader. She breathed very deeply and sprang forward, with the expression of someone who has nothing to lose left.

And caught Satomi's lips with her own in a mouth to mouth kiss.

* * *

 

**Act Fourteen:**

"Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!" Misa laughed loudly as she walked next to Konoka. "Setsuna, now that was something to see! You were awesome! How could you do that? I mean, a single punch! Don't tell me you lift weights, because you sure don't have a bodybuilder's arms!"

Sakurazaki looked aside uncomfortably. She marched ahead of the group, with Negi walking right behind her, looking up at her in awe.

"It... was nothing," the pale skinned girl finally spoke reluctantly. "The practice of the sword demands for your body to be as finely honed as possible. As sharp as your blade is."

"Setchan has been very into swordplay since she was little," Konoka helpfully explained.

Misa blinked. "Oh? Have you two known each other since then?"

"Yeah!" the Konoe heiress nodded very happily.

"Only for a short time," Setsuna managed to say between clenched teeth before changing the subject. Negi idly wondered why had her cheeks flushed so red for a moment. "In any instance, why were the two of you wandering across this area, Negi-sensei, Kakizaki-san?"

"We were on a date!" Misa beamed without hesitation.

Negi choked on his own saliva. "K-KAKIZAKI-SAN!"

"Bwa ha ha ha! I was just joking!" she said. "No, actually, we were hanging out with Madoka-chan, Sakurako-chan, Asuna, Chisame and the Prof, but we had to split so we all could finish our own things in time. That's all. We were just passing by. Yeah. Not like we were following you at all because we were concerned you might be making a mistake and potentially ruining your future, Konoka-chan. We'd never do that, no."

"Yes, I'm sorry I couldn't go with you!" Konoka nodded. "Grandpa had forgotten to tell me I had to go out in an _omiai_."

"What's an _omiai_?" Negi asked.

"It's basically an arranged date with a candidate for future marriage..." Konoka began to explain, but then Negi gasped aloud for air.

"ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY?"

"Well, no, not yet!" the rich girl laughed easily. "Grandpa sets me up in those all the time. Sometimes I think it's some kind of hobby for him," she joked.

Setsuna mumbled, her head hanging down. "Please don't say that. Konoemon-sama only has your best interests and your family's in mind."

"Ha ha, I know, Setchan," she waved her concern away. "It's just he can get very insistent about it at times. Would you believe he used to have four security guards going with us at first? Luckily, he dropped that out for the most recent omiais. God knows it was embarrassing..."

The secret reason why Konoemon had stopped using his guards to follow his granddaughter around rasped uneasily.

"You mean he sets you up in dates with rich hot guys all the time?" Misa's eyes had grown impossibly wide. "I'd kill for a grandpa like that!"

"Well, not all of them are that cute," Konoka pouted. "And most of them are very boring. And besides..." she briefly closed her eyes and smiled, "My tastes lean in another direction."

" ... Okay," Misa said. "How about you, 'Set-chan'? What were you doing around here?"

The swordgirl's left eyebrow twitched very briefly. "Please don't call me like that. And I was, um, only passing by. Just like you. Yes, only that."

"My, my!" Konoka giggled. "It's a small world, after all!"

It hadn't been that small, however, since it had taken them all the time used in that conversation to reach the bus stop to Mahora. As they stood there to wait for the vehicle, Misa turned again towards the heiress to ask, "By the way, who were you forced to date today?"

"Oh, the son of some old friends of our family. Chiba Mamoru-kun, currently a junior Medicine student at college. He lost his parents at a very early age, so he grew up mostly alone," her voice became slightly sad. "He always puts a content facade, but you can tell he's missing a lot in his life."

Then she sighed. "We've known each other a long time. I worry about him. He doesn't seem to get out a lot, doesn't really have any hobbies, no home-life to speak of… all he has is his school work and an empty house"

Setsuna briefly looked aside again, and Negi lowered his head thoughtfully.

Misa looked at them all with some puzzlement, even ignoring the way Chamo had placed himself under her skirt to look up it, but before she could ask them what there was in their minds now, the bus arrived to the station.

* * *

 

**Act Fifteen:**

**Meanwhile, At The Hall of Justice… Err, I mean, at the other side of the Shopping District:**

It certainly was very, very different from kissing Negi.

Sensei's lips were like sweetened butter, very soft and tender, passive and malleable against her mouth. In contrast, Sakurako's lips were spicier, with a slight added tingle of cinnamon. Not coarse or hard at all, but nowhere as soft as Negi's. And much more active.

Hakase kept her eyes wide open in shock as the other girl kept hers very firmly closed. Sakurako's face was bright crimson, and her heartbeat was loud and strong enough to be noticeable through their clothing as their chests came closer together, both girls clumsily struggling to keep their footing for a few moments, until Sakurako finally pulled her face back, breathing in a ragged, desperate fashion.

"Shi-Shiina-san..." Satomi stammered, not really remembering they were at a public place and a few bystanders had briefly stopped to gape at them (and of course take pictures) in astounded silence.

"I'm so sorry!" Sakurako made a few tiny sobs, lowering her head as much as she could. "I know you'll hate me now! I shouldn't have done that, and I know I'm an idiot..."

"Why, Shiina-san?" Even now, Satomi's curiosity was everpresent. "Why have you done this?"

"I don't know..." the cheerleader lamented, pinching the bridge of her nose in defeat. "It... It started very slowly. I would see you day after day at classes, always working on something. It took me a whole year to notice I liked you. And I still can't say why. I just... do. I thought you were so smart, so capable, so cool..."

"Me? 'Cool'?" Satomi wrinkled her nose. "Excuse me, I don't quite believe that term and me belong to the same sentence, unless its meaning has changed since the last time I heard it. Which might be true, since I last heard it when I was..." she tried to remember, "Ah. Nine."

Sakurako almost chuckled, shakily. "See, I like that about you, too! You're just so honest, so true to yourself. You don't care about the opinions of others, you just make your own way. I think that's the coolest thing ever."

"Stop it, please," Satomi asked, holding her hands up.

"Sorry," the more popular girl sniffed. "I didn't mean to embarrass you in public like this. Many times, I tried to leave a secret love letter at your locker, but it always had all those defense mechanisms..."

"Naturally. I keep important diagrams and schematics there. I cannot allow them to fall into rival hands..." Hakase paused. "Wait, so that's why I always found burnt envelopes around it! I believed someone was sending me anthrax..."

"The lasers always were very hard to escape from," Shiina nodded, biting her lower lip. "And the metallic arms. And the mini-cannons were even scarier. And the metal tentacles..."

"I'm amazed you managed to avoid them," the genius commented. "Perhaps this 'Power of Love' merits a closer examination as a source of energy..."

Sakurako dared to give her a hopeful look. "You mean...?"

For once, Satomi got the cue and blushed, madly waving her hands away. "Ah, ah, ah, sorry! I'm-I'm not sure I can return your feelings!"

Now that seemed to crush the other girl down, although she attempted to rebound back quickly. "... Oh. I see. I knew it. Yeah, it was obvious. I won't hold anything against you if you decide to hate me..."

Satomi grimaced, unsure of what to reply. Her lips moved, but she made no sound, too distracted by the sudden renewed flavor of Sakurako's mouth in her own as the saliva started to moisten it up again. It all would have been easier if her heart just stopped beating so fast. As it was, she couldn't even begin to think of a decent answer that didn't involve a 'Let's Never Talk About This Again' or a 'Let's Go to my Lab, I'd like to Run a Few Medical Tests on You' (though a part of her found the latter option very appealing…). Fortunately or not, Sakurako chose to simply ask her another question instead of waiting for her comeback until the next Ice Age.

"S-Satomi-chan, you... D-Do you like someone else?"

"I like... science," she lamely blabbered.

"I don't mean that. I mean, don't you **love** anyone?"

"I love... science," she lamely repeated.

"I'm talking about living human beings," Sakurako sighed.

For a moment, Satomi's brain froze once again, her whole brilliant mind suddenly displaying nothing but a portrait of Negi and Chisame standing together.

She quickly shook her head to dispel the mundane, yet utterly disturbing (maybe because, for some enigmatic reason, they both were in their underwear) image out of her brain. Shuddering a bit, she only could hum a vague, "Well... Actually..."

"You like Negi-kun, don't you?" Sakurako asked.

Hakase munched on her lower lip (which, damn it, still tasted so good! And why was the back of her mind starting to wonder how Sensei's lips mixed with Sakurako's taste like? Wait, and Chisame's too? What had happened to her? Food poisoning?) trying to make sense out of the whole situation. If only Shiina could stop talking for two years or so to give her time to regain her bearings and wits...

"N-Negi... kun...?" she repeated, her voice as stiff as a board.

Sakurako nodded, understanding. "It's okay. Everyone likes Negi-kun."

"I don't-" she started to protest, then closed her mouth and ran a hand over her face. "I don't feel too healthy. Please, let's just get back to the Academy."

Swiftly, she spun around on her heels and began marching away at a brisk place, pushing her way absently through the small crowd of gathered onlookers, a few of which were taking sketches muttering something about Yuri manga fodder. After a few moments of flushed hesitation, Sakurako raced after her.

Maybe someday. She trusted her luck.

* * *

 

**Act Sixteen:**

"This is Mahora Academy's Student Council President Fujino Shizuru, reminding all our students the scheduled blackout is about to begin, and it will last until midnight," a young woman's pleasant, sedated voice, with a thick yet easygoing Kyoto accent, sounded all across the campus carried out by nearly every public speaker at the grounds. "Starting now, all electric lights at Mahora will go out for the next four hours. New students are advised not to panic, since this is a perfectly normal occurrence. All students are ordered by Headmaster Konoe and the Student Council to stay at their residences under curfew until the blackout is over, for your own safety. Any abnormal incident should be immediately reported to our offices. Please be careful everyone, as we do not want a repeat of the Mass Spin The Bottle Incident of '99. Thank you all, and have a very good night."

Just as she finished relaying her message, the lights began to die all over the campus, from north to south, from east to west. Darkness blanketed the whole school and its surroundings, accompanied by a chilly wailing breeze from the hills.

The church's big clock rang eight times, its bells tolling in a nearly haunting fashion.

Nagase Kaede looked out her room's window with a smirk. "Well, well, it has started-de gozaru. We have to be careful now, girls. They say the specters of Mahora choose these moments to roam around looking for brides-de gozaru..."

Narutaki Fumika trembled, hiding under her bedsheets with only her face peeking out. "Aiiieee! Don't say that, Kaede-neechan!"

"Yeah, you'll invoke the ghosts if you mention them now," Fumika's twin sister nodded from where she sat next to the bed. "Dragging their chains along, with their long fangs dripping blood..."

"Oneechan!" Fumika whined, tossing a pillow at her head. "You're only making it worse!"

Kaede chuckled as the twins started a pillow fight in the room's darkness. The tall girl relaxed back and enjoyed a sniff of the cold air blowing from the mountains.

At High School Classroom 2-F, a vintage old school Mahora spirit was shivering fear of her own, cuddling for dear non-life against the pale, covered-by-thick-blankets, thin body of the classroom's shut-in. "Kiri-chan, I'm scared...!" the ghost whimpered, tightening her eyes closed. "I've heard too many horrible things about these blackouts! What if there are scary ghosts...?-!"

"Nothing will happen as long as we stay inside, Sayo-chan," Komori Kiri quietly, confidently stated, sipping from a small cup of green tea. "Here we are safe. Only the outside world can ever hurt you." She paused. "And why exactly are you scared of ghosts?"

"They're creepy!" Sayo said. "I once saw this movie about a ring and a well…!"

"But Sayo-chan, you're a ghost," Kiri said, pulling out a mirror so Sayo could see herself. Somehow. Despite being a ghost. We're as puzzled as you.

" _ **AH!**_ " Sayo wailed. " _ **A GHOST! A SCARY GHOST! DANNY PHANTOM, HELP ME!**_ "

Meanwhile, at yet another private room wrapped in shadows, three girls sat around a small table under the faint light of candles, all of them staring at the delicious looking cake placed between them.

Finally, the short haired Hitou Nami broke the tense silence with a nervous giggle. "It almost looks like we're about to celebrate someone's birthday here! Although the mood's not exactly the happiest one..."

"I'm sorry my presence has cast such a dark shadow upon all of you," the shy girl sitting at her right averted her glare, tightening her small fists on her own knees. "It's always like this, wherever I go... Maybe you should be better if I walked out to stay at the hall? Or is that still too close?"

"Nonsense, Kaga-san," the teenager with the long black hair scoffed matter-of-factly, her voice prim and proper to nearly parodical extremes. "You need to start valuing yourself more, or else you'll become a self-brought shame to our class."

"Sorry! I'm well aware of that!" Kaga Ai eeped helplessly. "It's just I can't help being that lowly, sorry! If I could, I'd leave the class so you could be better off, but I don't want to impose my presence upon anyone else! N-Not like I'm saying you deserve me more than any-"

"We get the idea, Ai-chan," Nami interuppted.

"... I'm sorry. Look, you don't have to share that delicious cake with me, okay? Kitsu-san's parents sent it to her as a gift over her good grades, it'd be unfitting for a mediocre student like me to enjoy it as well..."

"I couldn't be the first of the class without a lot of worse students for me to stand over, so I owe you that much," Kitsu Chiri reasoned (more or less) as she crossed her arms and softly tapped a foot on the floor. "Now, what is taking Kafuka-san so long? Honestly, I hope she doesn't mess it up and brings us a chainsaw instead, again..."

"Say what?" Nami blinked.

"Oh?" Chiri perked up. "Harumi-san and Abiru-san never told you about it? Last time they were here, I sent that dumb girl for a knife, just like now..."

Then Nami and Ai gasped as they saw a figure looming over Chiri, stalking her from behind with bright red evil eyes. A huge butcher's knife glinted in the newcomer's right hand, just as her apparent mark went on, unconcerned,

"... and she brought a very messy chainsaw, claiming she hadn't found any good knives but we could slice the cake with it. Can you believe it? Everyone knows such tasks demand for the elegant precision of a good knife. Ah, the small pleasures of delicately sinking the blade into the creamy outside, then slicing cleanly in a single precise swipe of your hand..."

Too scared to warn their friend, Ai and Nami only could hug each other and shriek in terror as the red eyed monster brought the knife down...

... Only to carefully place it, handle-first, upon the palm of Chiri's right hand.

"Here, Chiri-chan!" Fuura Kafuka, her eyes suddenly back to normal, innocently chirped, beaming a very pretty smile at her best friend. "It's the best one I could find with everything being so dark!"

"Ah, Theodore!" Chiri gave the knife an approving stare and a nod. "Good choice, Kafuka-san. Now sit down so we can start eating."

"You guys give names to your knives?" Nami exclaimed.

Chiri blinked, confused. "Doesn't everyone?"

Ai covered her own mouth with a hand. "Oh! I never knew that! I'm sorry, I have committed a grave mistake on home etiquette! From now on, I'll name all my sharp utensils, too!"

"You'd better," Chiri nodded, then pulled a ruler and a compass out and began to measure the cake's area very carefully. "Okay, now let's see. To better divide the cake into four exactly equal sections, we should start by-"

"Y-You really don't need to give me any cake, seriously!" Ai stammered. "I'm only intruding, after all! It's better if there's more for you all, don't you think? Cake would only be wasted on a person like me..."

"No!" Chiri growled. "If you don't accept your share, then you'll break the balance! And that's unforgivable! Look, there's four strawberries on the cake, so it needs to be split between four people! You can't share four strawberries between only three friends!"

"It's no big deal, Chiri-chan..." Nami complained. "It's only a simple splitting of cake!"

"No, no! It must be done perfectly!" the long haired girl shook her head stubbornly with a mad glint in her eyes. Since she had started to finger the knife so feverishly, Nami, very wisely, decided to humor her.

"You always can count on Chiri-chan to split anything very evenly!" Kafuka laughed merrily as her closest friend sliced the treat into four perfectly even big slices. "But wait, shouldn't we save a slice for Jun-chan? She loves cake a lot..."

"Yeah, fine with me, but in that case..." Nami doubted, giving the suddenly very still Chiri a wary look.

"Four strawberries... five people..." the extremely orderly girl shivered. "To divide them into perfectly equal rations... I should take the strawberries away..."

"Oh, oh! This isn't good..." Kafuka blinked cutely. "Chiri-chan's losing control again!"

"That much of a need for precision only can lead to disaster..." Nami dared to mumble.

But then the OCD-afflicted young woman calmed down abruptly, and with a few fast slashes, cut all the strawberries into thin slices.

"I see!" Kafuka looked at the end result. "Cutting all the strawberries into five slices, you can just give four slices to everyone! Oh! But wouldn't Meru-chan want some cake, too?"

At that very moment, Chiri's cellphone rang. The dominant girl picked it up only to see at the light of the tiny screen how someone had just sent her a brief text message.

_You'd better not forget to bring me cake tomorrow, bitches._

"... Yes, she will want it," Chiri sighed rather deeply before madly running calculations through her head again. "Four strawberries... Six people... Cutting the cake in six parts..."

"She's getting worse!" Nami backed away against a wall.

Both she and Ai yelled in panic as Chiri raised the huge knife up with an unnatural sound coming from her throat... and further sliced the strawberries into even thinner figments.

"Y-You cut them into three pieces each..." Ai guessed, straining her eyes to look at the slashed fruits in the darkness.

"Yes," Chiri nodded, satisfied now. "Having sixty slices in total, I'll give ten of them to each one of us. Problem solved!"

"Hee hee hee!" Kafuka giggled. "They look like sliced carrots now! Ah, but aren't we forgetting Itoshiki-sensei?"

Chiri jerked up stiffly once more. "Itoshiki-sensei! Why, you're right! He deserves a much bigger share, too!"

"Wow, you really like Itoshiki-sensei, don't you, Chiri-chan?" Fuura playfully teased.

"O-Of course not!" the one with the blade denied. "It's just, as our homeroom teacher and guide figure, he needs our utmost respect! Now let me see... Four strawberries... between seven people... to divide the cake into six equal parts and a larger one... Each slice should have an arc of... 51.488571428..."

Then a loud crash of broken glass came from the back of the apartment.

Nami grew even tenser. "It sounded like the back window!"

The four of them quickly made their way there to notice a tall, busty blond female with a sultry smile standing at the kitchen, wearing black and surrounded by shards of shattered glass.

"Kaere-chan...?" Nami attempted to give her a better look. "Why are you here at this-"

"I'm not Kimura Kaere," the stranger hissed with an evil, needy voice, and then lunged ahead.

A few minutes later, Evangeline stepped out back into the night licking her blood stained fingers. "They'll recover in a few minutes," she instructed Chachamaru, who was standing next to the window's outer frame in her maid outfit. "When they do, dress them up and bring them to the arranged place. Speed is of the essence."

"Master," the gynoid stoically said. "Far from me to question your acts, but-"

"I promised you I'd stop attacking our classmates," Eva cut her off. "I never said anything at all about students from other classes."

"You haven't been the same ever since you drank from that lawyer, Master..."

* * *

 

**Act Seventeen:**

Chisame sat alone in the blackness of the room on her bed, hunchbacked over her laptop. Its screen gave the only faint light at the whole place.

Her fingers, somehow, weren't as fast as typing as they usually were, and it wasn't just because of the poor light conditions. Her mind just couldn't keep itself focused on her task. She ran a hand through her hair, making an angry throaty noise. Then she rocked back and forth on her butt, trying to calm her nerves down.

She jumped up a bit when she heard the room's door creaking open. Her eyes adjusted over to barely see Satomi's shape silently stumbling in, the scientist's small mouth apparently moving without forming any sounds, but looking as if it was pretending to mutter.

"Ah, Hakase," Hasegawa breathed out. "It's just you. Didn't hear you coming through the front door."

"Sorry," the mad professor said in a rather distant, almost subdued, tone, as she turned her back on her and began to undress clumsily. "Where's Sensei?"

"He... hasn't come yet," Chisame admitted reluctantly. "Honestly, what is taking him so long? I just can't understand it..."

"Well, the traffic has been very problematic. It took us nearly a hour to get here; we heard rumors about 'something' making another bus ahead of ours to crash..." Satomi said while stepping out of her dress.

Chisame tensed up against her own will. "A bus accident...?"

"Relax, please; it seemingly was a tourism bus from another city, so I highly doubt Sensei was there," Satomi was starting to put on her pajama pants now.

Chisame actually breathed easier. "Good."

"Yes. Good," Hakase said quietly as she pulled her pajama shirt on herself (not noticing it was backwards) and began to struggle with the buttons, wondering why she was having so many problems with them now. "I can't see anything," she complained. "Couldn't you have pulled some of my special lamps out for this occasion?"

"I couldn't find them in your mess," Chisame groaned.

"Doesn't matter," Satomi quit her futile fight with the heinous chore of dressing herself and plopped down on her face into her bed. "This was a truly atrocious day."

Chisame felt tempted to ask, "Was Sakurako more annoying than usual?"

"She kissed me," Satomi curtly stated.

The hacker jerked back, shocked. "O-Oh...!"

"She told me she finds me attractive," Hakase muttered, her fingers drawing her pillow under her chin. "I still am not sure if it is all an elaborate attempt to mock me or if she really means it, but... she kissed me. Why? I'm not the kind of person meant to be kissed. For fourteen years, it worked fine. And this week, first I kiss a ten year-old infant, and now another female. What has gone wrong? I want a simple rational life without any distractions! I only want to keep on working for the rest of my life, winning a few dozens of awards, building a few history making weapons of mass destruction, ushering on the new age of cybernetics, then to die being remembered as the Marie Curie of robotics! But single! Single! Is that asking for too much?"

"Ahhhh..." Chisame dumbly said. "Wasn't Marie Curie married and make most of her discoveries with her husband?"

Satomi's head slumped slightly at this reminder, then she looked up at the hacker. "Shouldn't you be starting one of your tirades on how weird and troubling our classmates are now? Because I feel inclined to agree at this point in time..."

Hasegawa scratched the back of her own neck. "I... I'll be honest to you. It didn't come as that much of a surprise to me. Kugimiya already had told me about Shiina's crush."

Hakase gasped aloud. "You knew...?"

"Hey, hey, relax! I only learned about it today! After we split up! And I never dreamed Shiina would have the courage to plant one on you!" She tried to ignore the weird stirring she felt at the sudden image of the two girls kissing…

"Well... she did it," Satomi sighed, pulling a small set of pieces from under her pillow and beginning to assemble them. "I still don't understand it. What could she see in someone like me?"

"Ummm... They _do_ say opposites attract," Hasegawa attempted to offer, just to say something.

"I'm not attracted to her," Hakase reassured herself more than to Chisame.

"You told her that?"

"As best as I could, I imagine," Satomi shrugged, wondering why assembling small machinery seemed somewhat less exciting now.

"Shiina is rather dense. If you didn't make it very clear, she'll hold on to hope..." Chisame warned.

"Next time I see her, I'll sic Chachamaru on her, then-" she stopped herself in mid sentence. "Oh, wait. Can't do that anymore..."

"We are surrounded from all sides," Hasegawa mused.

There was a long silence after that.

"Chisame..."

"Mmmmm?"

"Do you consider me your friend?"

"Eh? Why do you ask that?"

"I think I have lost the only other person I could actually call a friend..." Satomi absently exhaled.

"Chachamaru?"

"I mean Chao."

"Again with that?" she sounded annoyed anew. "Haven't we agreed you'd at least talk it over with her before making that decision?"

"I'm not good at personal conversations."

"It shows."

"See? Even you notice it."

"What do you mean with 'even you'? I know I'm no social butterfly either, but-!"

Satomi had just climbed up the ladder to Chisame's upper bunk, to look straight into her eyes. "Do you believe yourself my friend, yes or not?"

"Wh-Why the sudden urge to ask that now? You never cared before! What, I'm nothing but a second place prize after Chao turns her back on you?"

Hakase paused, stunned. "I- I never meant that..."

Chisame reopened her mouth to berate her, but then she saw how huge and crystalline Satomi's bright confused eyes were, even in the middle of the shadows, and she felt herself unable to do so. Awkwardly, ignoring her Chisame-senses yelling at her about how would she regret encouraging this sort of thing later, she awkwardly wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's body and pulled her towards herself in an attempt of sisterly hug. She definitely did _not_ wonder if a kiss would help…

"You can call me your friend if you want," Hasegawa whispered.

"Thanks," Hakase said in a tiny voice, and then eased herself against her chest. Feeling her warmth, truly sniffing her soft sweaty scent for the first time. No wonder Sensei liked it so much. Sensei... "I'm worried about Sensei..." she whispered back.

Chisame nodded. "Yeah. Me too."

Somewhere, Chamo jerked up. "I sense a disturbance in the Force," he lowly murmured to himself. "As if something _really_ hot just happened and I wasn't there to see it…"

At some other room, Shiina Sakurako slept while Madoka lay sleepless on the bunk above hers.

It had taken her a long while to comfort Sakurako after her arrival, even longer to get her to sleep. Lucky at everything else, but unlucky at love, it seemed. Of course, it had been a safe bet it wouldn't work anyway. But looking at it from Madoka's perspective, it was better that way. Better to cut the crush off as soon as possible so her friend could get herself someone more suited to her.

Yeah, that was it.

And now, Misa was so late. Madoka's attempts to call her had only been met with brief, token 'On my way' text messages. Oh, Misa. What was she trying to pull off now? Oh, Kami, how did Madoka hope it wasn't something that would get Misa arrested and get Madoka herself accused of being an accessory to, say child-molestation…

The black haired girl groaned to herself. Being the only sane person in the apartment sucked so much.

* * *

 

**Act Eighteen:**

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow!" Konoka laughed as the five of them reached the gates of the campus, waving a hand up and heading towards her dorm building in the distance.

"W-Wait!" Setsuna said. Tentatively, she reached up with a hand, gesturing for her to stop. "The lights already went out. It might be dangerous, to wander alone in the darkness."

"I'll be okay, really!" the heiress smiled at her. "I know my way like the palm of my hand, Set-chan."

"Still..." the swordsgirl doubted, "I should... I mean, someone should..."

Misa smirked knowingly. "Why don't you go with her, 'Setchan'?"

"M-Me?-!" the pale young woman seemed flustered for once. "I couldn't- I mean, it'd be improper for me-"

Negi blinked. "Why should it be improper?"

"Yeah, why?" the cheerleader chuckled, eyeing Setsuna with a mischievous glint. "It's only a classmate escorting a friend to her room. Nothing wrong at all about that, right?"

"Of course not," Setsuna scowled, "But-"

Konoka's eyes lit up. "You wanna go with me, Set-chan? Oh, yes! You even can stay with Asuna and me tonight! After all, you shouldn't be walking out alone after curfew, either!"

"I couldn't impose myself upon you!" Sakurazaki quickly replied.

"I'm sure Asuna won't mind. And you aren't rooming with anyone right now, are you? It's not like you'll be better all alone in the dark..." Konoka pointed out.

Setsuna looked at Misa and Negi. "But... what will the two of you do?"

Misa giggled roguishly, hugging one of Negi's arms. "I don't have anything to fear as long as I'm with a brave man!"

"Well... yes..." Negi's head nodded erratically. "I'll escort Kakizaki-san all the way to her home, so you girls don't have to worry..."

"Are you sure?" Setsuna hesitated.

"Yeah!" the boy teacher answered confidently. "I have come to know my way around here!"

Setsuna was not as confident, but she still relented. "Okay. Please be very careful," she asked before turning back to Konoka. "When... Whenever you want!"

Konoka smiled again, offering her a hand. "With you? Anytime, Setchan."

Setsuna looked at the hand warily. "It isn't needed, to-"

Konoka simply grabbed her right hand regardless. "Don't be silly! It's better this way when it's so dark. Huh? Set-chan, why is your hand so cold and sweaty?"

The fighter's left eyebrow twitched. "W-what do you mean by that…?."

"Maybe you just need a hot bath!" Konoka started to pull her away merrily. "We have a nice furo at home! I'll show it to you! Yes, a long, hot, soapy bath…"

"F-F-Furo?-!-?" Setsuna all but shrieked, her eyes bugging out, as she was helplessly dragged away.

"Have a good night...!" Negi waved his goodbye.

Misa chuckled, with a finger on her forehead and her eyes closed. "I'm sure Konoka will, at least!"

Negi looked cluelessly at her. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she said, then pulled him after her as well, with the ermine hopping behind them. "We should get going, too. Hey, what if you spend the night with us, too? It's too late and dark for you to head back to Chisame's all alone."

"Oh, no, I couldn't," the boy protested. "Chisame-san and Satomi-san must be sick worried about me. I've been abusing too much of their patience as it is..."

"What a little cute henpecked husband you are, Negi-kun!" Misa teased him.

"D-Don't say that!" he flushed again. "Such things shouldn't even be joked about!"

"You're far too repressed," she admonished while they kept on walking, and Chamo nodded at that. "That may be cute for now, but you'll have to grow out of it. A man must learn how to be strong and driven, brave and charming, and charm involves sophistication and suaveness."

Negi stared blankly. "Suaveness?"

"Yeah! You have to be daring! Bold! Striking! In a single word, you have to be... sharp!"

Just as she said that, Negi tensed up, jumping to push her out of the way of an incoming flying blur. "KAKIZAKI-SAN! BEWARE!"

"Wha-?-!" she clung to him instinctively to keep her footing, and then she saw the knife flying right before her nose and above his head, missing them by inches, only to sink itself at the trunk of a nearby cherry tree. "NEGI-KUN! WHAT IN THE WORLD...?"

A soft deranged giggle came from the darkness. "Negi Springfield-kun..." a small voice sang.

Misa and Negi looked up in stunned silence to see a thin, waif-like girl a couple of years older than the cheerleader skipping out of the shadows, smiling widely (and very cutely) and holding several knives skillfully in each hand. Her hair was short and black, and she wore a French maid outfit very similar to Chachamaru's.

"Hey, I think I know you!" Misa exclaimed. "You're one of the nuts of 2-F! What's your big idea? You could've killed us!"

"Fuura Kafuka-san!" Negi gasped. "Why are you-"

"Negi Springfield-kun..." Kafuka chanted through a half-open mouth, her eyes wide and vacant. "Did you think the Master had forgotten her challenge? She demands to face you tonight..."

Negi froze as Misa frowned. "The what of who now?" she asked.

Like a disjointed marionette, Kafuka tilted her head aside, her smile becoming a wide open grin.

"Master Evangeline will drink your blood tonight, Negi-kun. We all would be thankful if you didn't make her to wait. Would you do that for us?"

Her now long and sharp set of white fangs glinted like gems at the pale moonlight.

* * *

 

 **NEXT** : Goddamn Bats!


	18. Lesson 15: Goddamn Bats

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Also, the latest manga chapter was… intense, to say the least. I only hope nothing too bad comes out of this…

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Any similarity between the characters and events of this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. Don't sue. Please.

A huge, huge, and I mean huge, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for helping to correct this chapter too, as well as adding more lines and jokes. And once again, you'll recognize them because they are the good ones.

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON FIFTEEN.**

* * *

 

**Act One:**

**At the Eastern American Coastline, it almost was dawn:**

The Elizabeth Arkham Home for the Criminally Insane.

Better known as 'Arkham Asylum'.

The building was designed in 1920, with several architects heavily inspired by the European styles at charge of the task. One of them had been one Suzushiro Janten, a promising young Japanese man who had been handpicked by Doctor Amadeus Arkham after witnessing his work at the rebuilding of the fire damaged Mahora Academy four years ago. Unfortunately, the experience at the Arkham grounds left pretty much all involved members severely shaken by years afterwards, and Suzushiro was no exception.

Harassed by unexplained nightmares, stirred by unspoken experiences he refused to share with his family, and driven by obsessions with perfection and darkness after months of working at America, Suzushiro, a very traditional and uptight Japanese visionary, was eventually found dead at his room, clumsily gutted out with an heirloom katana. The police determined a suicide. He left behind a small fortune for his wife and children, but the Suzushiro clan, eventually upstaged by the stronger Yukihiro and Tenjouin clans, never managed a full recovery.

The same thing could be said of most current Arkham inmates. Never fully recovering from the demons driving them. It didn't help that most of them didn't _want_ to…

The great-grandson of Amadeus Arkham and current director of the institution walked quickly through the narrow corridors of the building as the alarms blared all around them. Hands in his white coat's pockets, eyes sharpl and bitterly shining behind his thick glasses, his teeth clenched at the deafening alarms and the screams of the prisoners everywhere he went.

"Mr. Cash," he dryly said. "Sedate the most unruly ones. Especially Croc and Clayface. No news on him yet?"

"JOKER! JOKER! JOKER! JOKER! JOKER!" the mad howling voices chorused, nonstop.

"The men are still looking for them, Sir," the large, burly, dark skinned uniformed man marching behind Jeremiah Arkham informed him. His most striking physical feature was his lack of a left hand, completely replaced by a steel hook. "Yes, them. Jonathan Crane has also vanished from his cell. We aren't sure they are together yet, but they've worked together in the past..."

"Just what we needed," Arkham muttered, rubbing his temples.

"Puddin'...!" a beautiful, young blond woman with her hair made into twintails bawled as she pressed her face against the bulletproof glass of her cell's door. "Puddin', don't forget me! Take me with youuuuu!"

"Riddle me this, Doctor," a thin balding prisoner with shifty eyes asked the Director as he passed by. "When is a Jack-in-a-Box not a..."

"Later, Mr. Nygma," the doctor ignored him, stomping past quickly.

"JOKER! OPEN THE DOORS FOR US!" these screams came from inside a huge reinforced steel box inside of a steel cage labeled 'Zsasz, Victor'. "LET US BE FREE, TOO! AND BRING ME A KNIFE! A KNIFE!"

"Mr. Zsasz has made clear the imminent danger in his usual particular way, Mr. Cash," Jeremiah growled, growing impatient. "Joker is the de facto leader of the inmate community in most mass break attempts. We need to recapture him and Crane before they get out, or worse, they get anyone else out."

"We're on it, Doctor," Aaron Cash promised. "The boys are covering every inch of the Asylum as we speak. But I still insist you should return to your office. It's impossible to predict what-"

"I will rest when Joker and Crane are found, and only then, Mr. Cash. In the meanwhile, just concentrate on-"

"Wait a moment, sir," the bigger man asked as he answered a beeping call he had just gotten. "Yes? Good. You know what to do. I'll be there right now. Sir," he said while hanging up. "They've found them. They're at the back kitchen, near the escape door."

_Meanwhile:_

"It's always a delight, what you can find at a well staffed kitchen. Or even here!" the comedian snipped while pressing the large butcher's knife tighter against the throat of the skinnier, scrawnier man with glasses struggling against his grasp, almost drawing blood out. "Has any of you fine gentlemen ever tasted a finely roasted and seasoned scarecrow? No? It's bony-finger lickin' good, I guarantee."

"Just drop the knife already, Joker," the lead guard at the scene commanded, all five of them training their guns on them. "You have nowhere to go. Don't be a fool."

"I can't help being The Fool. I'm the unmarked card," the clown rapidly giggled, pressing his back against the door behind. His right sleeve was rolled up, his right forearm sliced up and bleeding profusely. The blood had pooled up at his feet, and if the guards had cared to look at it instead of looking at the man himself, they could have noticed someone had drawn a red circle on the floor with it. Joker and his hostage stood at the middle of the circle.

"Let's just perforate 'em both," another guard suggested. "As if anyone will miss 'em."

"Oh, Hopkins!" the white faced man made a wounded face. "I thought I was your favorite. And here I was, even willing to teach you a few magic tricks..."

"No tricks, clown. Just toss the knife down. At our feet, not at us, unless you want us to shoot you where you stand," the lead guard barked.

"Fine, fine, Mendoza, have it your way," Joker rolled his sharp and insanely bubbly eyes around. "But first, are you fellas sure you don't want to hear your lesson? I promise it'll be the first and last one. It's about circles. Circles are like life; an unending, eternal cycle expressed in a lineal, closed form. Circles are the basics of magic. The egg the first Mother Goddess, the Goddess of Chaos, laid to give birth to her first child? It was a circle! Or sphere, if you want to get pedantic about it. Same thing. They say mages do kiss each other over circles to grant themselves powers. It's almost enough to make me want to kiss Johnny here..." he puckered his lips towards a cheek of the cringing Crane, stopping himself at the last moment, "But I'm already engaged to a better partner. However, I could grant you a kiss with Death herself, if you want..."

"Toss the knife down now or we shoot!" Mendoza urged. "At the count of three! One!"

"You sure? She's _really_ hot, and not picky at all! Ah, well, your loss," Joker said, tossing the bladed tool at the man's feet. "As if I were going to take on you with a knife. While you have guns. I'm crazy, not stupid. Have I ever told you about the time I was going to pay taxes…?"

"Good boy," a third guard nodded. "Hold your hands up high. You, Crane, move over here. Quick."

"Yes, sir," the scarecrow of a man nodded shakily, before his lips curved up in a sinister grin. "Right now, sir."

With a single sudden motion of his hands, he emptied his pockets all over the circle drawn in blood. Fine, misty pulverized red rock fell in a shower of dust all across Joker's spilled blood.

"The priest gave me the prayer and the stone!" the Clown Prince cackled, lifting his hands up as if he wanted to touch the ceiling. "I only needed to draw the circle, chant the spell and perform the sacrifice! Now let's put our hands together, brother, and start praying..."

"Great. Religious delusions now," the fourth gunman said as they closed into him. "Maybe we should do you a favor and put you of your misery after all..."

"Yes, come closer, my brothers," the buffoon chuckled raspily, while Crane carefully cowered behind him, pressing himself between the clown and the door, covering his own nose with a ragged handkerchief just in case. "Our voices will reach the Heavens, the Hell, and even Walla-Walla Washington. Mmit, Mmit, Inid, Inid. Imakarum, Imakarum, Ttenrub, Ttenrub. Onamor, Onamor, Kered, Kered, Kram, Kram, Llimah, Llimah!" he shouted.

"What the Hell is that shi-" Mendoza began, right before something huge and hideous shone up from below, sprouted up from the Joker's blood, and jumped up at them.

Their last coherent thought was, _We really should have just shot the bastard…_

And then there was a beautiful pale girl in black holding out her hand. The Joker was right after all…

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

"Evangeline...?" Misa asked with a highly incredulous tone. "You mean Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell? That little quiet bore of a girl? What got into you?" she asked the older student.

"The Master doesn't like when people talks badly about her!" Kafuka pouted while juggling her knives expertly. "But I promise to give you one of these knives if you stop insulting her! Or I put one of these knives through your head to stop you from insulting her! Which do you prefer?" Kafuka asked, actually sounding curious instead of maliciously threatening.

Misa grimaced and started trying to drag Negi away with her. "Let's go, Negi-kun. This weirdo's giving me all kinds of bad vibes."

But Negi seemed rooted to the floor. "No, you go, Kakizaki-san. I can't. Kafuka-san!" he called out. "What did Evangeline-san did to you?" He knew it well, but he had to learn if she remembered it. "Did it happen to anyone else, too?"

"You'll learn all that and more if you come to the public bath in five minutes!" Kafuka cheerfully offered. "Otherwise, Master will consider we failed her, snap our necks, and get herself other slaves! So don't fail us, Negi-kun! I mean, we don't care, but we're sure you do!"

"This is a prank, right?" Misa scowled in disgust. "How much did Misora pay you?"

"Kafuka-san, wait!" Negi stomped ahead. "Try to fight the influence!"

But then the eerie girl stopped playing with the knives, instead aiming one at Misa's head. "Can you grab me before I toss this at her, Negi-kun?" she casually asked.

"What...?-!-?" he stopped immediately, just as the cheerleader jerked up violently in place.

"I advise you to let me go back to the Master. We'll meet again very soon, anyway," Fuura giggled, then jumped a few feet back with inhuman agility. "Remember! The bath house! In five minutes! Sayonara!" she waved a hand, and after that, she rushed back into the darkness before anyone could stop her.

The sound of someone stumbling and falling into the shadows was heard.

"Ouchie!" Kafuka's voice said. "I need to get better at this!"

There was the sound of someone getting up, and then…

"Ah! My shoes! I wonder who didn't clean up after their dog?-!"

There was some more running, and then the sound of trashcans falling over.

"Ahh, I think I just broke a toe!"

Negi and Misa sweatdropped at the sound of running and gagging. And then silence.

Misa finally tuned her eyes back to her teacher. "Let's get home ASAP!" she pleaded.

"Sorry, I can't!" Negi grabbed his staff and put on a resolute face. "I need to get to the bathhouse immediately!"

He marched a few steps forward before stopping abruptly and looking back at Misa, with no clue at all. "Where is the bathhouse, by the way?"

Misa facefaulted. "DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN A BATH SINCE YOU ARRIVED HERE!"

"Ehhhh, Chisame-san bathes me every morning at our room's shower!" the pint sized teacher protested against that insult to his hygiene (although it would have been true if he had it his way).

Misa gave him a stunned look. "She... bathes you...?"

"Yes."

"Washing all... over your body...?"

"Umm, yeah..." Negi started to feel uncomfortable once more for some reason.

Misa nearly drooled now. "Rubbing soap all over you...? All over those parts we never have seen...?"

"Pretty much, yes..." Negi lowered his face, blushing.

"While she's... naked herself...?" Misa was overheating now.

"No, she usually wears a swimsuit."

"USUALLY!"

"She also does it in her underwear at times," Negi explained.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT MUCH BETTER! UNDERWEAR GETS SEETHROUGH WHEN WET, YOU KNOW!"

"I always close my eyes when water starts pouring in," Negi claimed. "Otherwise, shampoo gets in my eyes..."

Misa sighed, drooping. "Life is so unfair…Okay. Fine. Anyway, I'll show you the way to the baths."

"No, just tell me where they are! But I won't allow you to go!" Negi was much firmer than usual.

Chamo tugged on his pants with his mouth. "Call them, Bro," the ermine whispered.

Misa blinked. "What was that voice?"

"N-Nothing!" Negi quickly did a full face sweating.

"Call the Sisters. You'll need them," the whisper in the dark insisted.

"No, that was definitely someone's voice," the teenager said, looking around. "A man's? Sounded like a gay man hitting on you from somewhere..." she put her hands on his shoulders protectively.

"WHAT?-!" Chamo shouted. "I'M NOT GAY!"

The shout was so loud Misa couldn't help but identifying its source this time, looking down at the small animal with huge perplexed eyes. "Your weasel... talks, Negi-kun...?"

"Ooooops," Chamo weakly said, covering his mouth with his paws.

Tears began to run down Negi's cheeks.

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

Misa grabbed the ermine and picked him up, looking at his face carefully. "Oh, I get it. This is a ventriloquism trick, isn't it?"

"Y-Yes, it is! You found me out!" Chamo stiffly lifted a paw up, speaking in a falsetto that badly mimicked Negi's voice. "I'm Negi Springfield, your sexy young teacher! I'm just speaking through this even sexier ermine! Very cute, huh? I can lend him to you if you want! I even taught him how to rub your back while you're bathing; you should try it, it feels so wonderful..."

Misa narrowed her eyes. "... Right. I'd rather believe the ermine talks than believing Negi-kun would ever say that. WAIT A MINUTE!" she started yelling, shaking Chamo around. "THEN, WHEN YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME AT THE DRESSING ROOM-!"

"ANIMAL ABUSEEE!" Chamo abandoned all pretenses of normalcy, clutched by panic now. "PETA! Al Gore! Animal Man, help me!"

"K-Kakizaki-san, please, let him go!" Negi begged. "We don't have time to waste with this! Just point me over to the baths and I'll explain everything tomorrow!"

"Like heck!" the cheerleader pulled her cellphone out. "I'm going to call someone to report all this lunacy! Hmmm, wait, I don't know the numbers of any teachers... Maybe Konoka can link me with her Grandpa. And that stalker Asuna must have Takahata's..."

"NO! NOT THEM!" Negi and Chamo said at once.

She looked back at them, still creeped out by the fact a vermin was talking to her. "Why not?"

"It'd be my downfall! I'd be made into an ermine myself! No one must know I'm a mage!"

Misa gawked. "A what?"

"Drat! No good! I keep digging my own grave deeper...!" Negi turned around and began to softly sob. "I'm a failure at everything I do...!"

Misa gave them a quizzical look, as the small critter patted Negi's right leg soothingly. Dammit, this joke was well staged and bizarre as Hell. Misora had outdone herself, no doubt. For a moment even she had been fooled.

"Negi-kun," she finally said.

"What?" he sniffed.

"All you need is for me to show you the way to the baths, right? If I do that, you promise you'll explain everything to me tomorrow?"

"I do," he solemnly declared.

"Swear it on your English gentleman's honor?"

"Of course!"

She smiled. "Then I'll do it!"

She paused, eyeing Negi in concern as she realized something. "Um, you're _not_ an 'English' gentleman, are you? I mean, you're not into hardwood instead of carpet, right…?"

Negi blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

Chamo whispered something to him and he reddened. "NO, OF COURSE I'M NOT!... Not that there's anything wrong with that…"

Misa smiled in relief. "Good to know… well, like I said, I'll help you!"

He finally smiled back, wiping tears off the corners of his eyes. "G-Good! Thanks! But you, in turn, have to promise you'll only lead me to the door! Then you'll turn around and leave for the safety of your dorm!"

"I swear by my grades," she swore, placing her right palm on her chest. Naturally, Negi failed to notice her other hand was behind her back, fingers crossed. And he really should have remembered her grades weren't so hot in any case…

"Just call on the Sisters already, Bro!" Chamo complained. "You'll have no chance against Loli Dracula without 'em!"

"They aren't ready yet!" Negi scowled. "They still need a lot more of practice! If I make them to fight now, I'll only get them hurt!"

"You are the one who isn't ready yet!" the ermine scolded him. "You blockhead! Those girls are going to suck you dry... and not in the good way!"

"I'll think of something. I'll make it work," Negi seriously promised, then put his staff between his legs, mounting it while grabbing the confused girl by a hand and pulling her right behind him. "Hold on tight, Kakizaki-san, please. You may feel some liftoff vertigo at first..."

"Liftoff?" she wondered while Chamo hopped onto her right shoulder, and her arms instinctively wrapped around Negi's waist. "What do you- WHOAAH!" she yelled as she felt the staff lifting the three of them up and abruptly into the air. "WHA-WHA-HOW-?-!-?-!"

Definitely a perfectly staged practical joke. It couldn't be only Misora behind it; that Suzumiya wacko from 1-E also had to be involved. Misa just knew it.

* * *

 

**Act Four:**

It had been a very short flight, thankfully for Misa's heart; the awe of being (somehow) actually flying was still not enough to overcome her sheer terror over the strangeness of it all. Her teeth were still clattering like crazy by the time, less than two and a half minutes afterward, the staff safely landed in front of the bathhouse.

"Ahhh, so this is it?" Negi sounded like an amazed actual kid again, as he looked up and down at it. "It's so huge...! I can't believe I always missed it before. This campus has many places I still need to know."

Then his face straightened again. "You can go now, Kakizaki-san. Thanks. I'll handle everything from here."

She carefully dismounted the staff and crossed her arms, giving him a puzzled glare. "You sure you are going to do that?"

"Yes," he firmly nodded.

"Are you going to be in any risk?" she sounded concerned now.

"Maybe," he admitted.

"Yes, you sure will!" Chamo barked angrily. "And you'll have no one to blame but yourself!"

Misa sighed in defeat. "Whatever this is all about, I guess nothing I say to try and convince you will matter, right?"

Negi blinked. "Kakizaki-san, I-"

The girl only grabbed his face and gave him a kiss on a cheek. "For the good luck," she said.

He stammered with his biggest blush of the day. Which was saying something. "Th-Th-Thanks..."

She patted his head, then turned around, exhaled and began to walk away. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then. Remember, it'd better be a good explanation!"

"Yes!" the boy said. "Be careful on your way home, please!" Then he inhaled deeply and reached for the front door. "Let's go, Chamo!"

The ermine mumbled miserably. "So many things left to do... Raising my children... Amassing my fortune... Stealing Shizuna-sensei's undies... All unfulfilled, all of them...!"

Negi was only half-surprised at seeing the door had been previously unlocked. Before stepping into the quiet darkness of the building, he summoned a tiny flame over his right hand, using it to lighten their way inside. He and his tiny friend walked with extreme caution at each step, keeping their senses in continued alert, expecting an attack at any moment. For the next few minutes, however, all they could see were unending empty corridors and locked doors at each turn.

Outside, Misa had waited until a prudent amount of time had passed before gulping loudly, then heading back over her steps and into the building, her heart thumping violently. She didn't know exactly why. She only wanted to know. To be sure of something, anything, again.

Mainly about him being okay after all.

Oblivious to her return, far ahead of her, Negi finally reached another open door. He walked in with his guard up and his staff ready, Chamo trembling and embracing his heels.

"Evangeline-san!" Negi called out. "I'm here as you wanted! Where are you? Let Kafuka-san go!"

"Over here, Boyo," a seductive, slow and sultry female voice came from the other end of the main bath he had walked into. Negi looked up at the top of a small summer hut next to the pool-like giant communal bath tub. Six female figures stood on its roof; one of them was Chachamaru, and four others were Kafuka and her classmates Kitsu Chiri, Hitou Nami and Kaga Ai. All of them wore identical French maid outfits, very similar to those of Ayaka's servants, but with much, much shorter skirts barely going past their crotches. Chachamaru was bare handed, but the human girls had different tools in their hands. Kafuka still had her knives. Chiri held a broom. Nami carried a large ax that seemed almost too big for her thin frame. Ai had a mop in a hand and a full bucket in the other.

Sitting lazily in the middle of them, a tall and buxom blond woman with sharp green eyes, wearing a barely there black dress that looked like a mix between leather underwear, S&M bondage, and flimsy silky negligee. She chuckled throatily, with an aloof amused expression on her face.

"Haven't you brought your friends along? Hu, hu, you have a lot of courage, coming here all alone..." she mocked him.

"All... alone...?" Chamo whined under his breath, crushed under the burden of his lack of weight in the plot yet again.

The young teacher, meanwhile, looked up at the scantily clad temptress in fascinated awe. "Ah! You! You are-!"

The blond woman smirked. "Yes...?"

"You are breaking the school's dressing and decency codes!" Negi pointed an accusing finger at her. "And who are you? Identify yourself!"

The woman fell on her face, suddenly losing all of her prior grace. She jumped back to her feet and made a cloud to smoke to go up in a puff all over herself. When the smoke cleared out, the diminutive Evangeline, wearing the exact same outfit, which now covered a lot more skin (although not enough for her to stop looking rather risqué for someone of that apparent age) stood there angrily pointing at herself.

"IT'S ME, YOU CRETIN! ME!"

"Aaaah, sorry!" Negi said, with his eyes much wider. "Now I remember! That's how you looked in your memories!"

"Good evening, Negi-sensei," Chachamaru bowed respectfully to the newcomers.

"Good evening to you too, Chachamaru-san," Negi bowed back.

"G-Good evening, Negi-sensei," Kaga Ai clumsily repeated Chachamaru's action. "I'm sorry to break the curfew, but I promise we'll head right back home as soon as you're a bloodless dried husk!"

"How is Hakase-san doing, Sensei?" the robot asked.

He replied quickly. "Well... I think she still misses you a lot. I think you should get together and talk your differences out; she cares deeply about you, even if she won't admit it..."

"I see," the robot nodded before tossing him a small bag. He caught it up easily. "Could you please deliver those cookies to her after the Master has drained all your blood? They are her favorites. They also come with an apology note."

"Sure," he nodded. "I'll be glad to."

Chiri's eyebrows quivered dangerously despite the easygoing peace of mind the vampiric trance usually implied. "Isn't that... an impossible feat to perform... after he's been fully drained of his vital fluids...?"

"AHEM!" Eva coughed. "WE SHOULD BE ABOUT TO START A BATTLE TO DEATH HERE, EVERYONE!"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!" Ai bowed profusely at her new Master. "It's all my fault! I'll understand if I must be punished cruelly! As a matter of fact, I'll do it myself so you don't have to waste your efforts on a person as miserable as me! I-"

"JUST GO BACK TO YOUR PLACE AND WAIT FOR THE SIGNAL!" Evangeline barked at her.

"... Yes, Master. Sorry," the girl whimpered pitifully. "Sorry!"

Evangeline sighed. "I knew I should have gone for the stalker instead. Or the bandaged girl. Even the mute midget with the cellphone mania... or hell, another class all together. I hear 2-C is relatively sane…"

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

"I regret not being able to wait until the full moon," Evangeline regained her playful, cruel smirk. "But there's really no point on extending your agony period that much. We'd better solve our little issues right now. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I understand..." Negi said while standing his ground. "It's logical you'd prefer to strike while you still have an edge. But I won't allow it. For your own good, I'll stop this insanity tonight, and set you back on the right track!"

"Ah, ha ha ha!" Eva laughed out loud. "You truly don't know anything about life! Do you really think your childish bravado will impress me? Far better men have tried to stop me and failed miserably. As it is, I don't even have to handle you personally. My slaves!" she snapped her fingers. "Get him!"

"Yes, Master!" Chiri jumped down with amazing elasticity.

"For Great Justiceeeee!" Kafuka giggled while jumping after her.

"Sorry about this! I'll try my humble best!" Kaga nervously promised as she joined the attack.

Nami tried to think of a fitting battle cry for a moment, failed, then only jumped down with a sigh. "I just want to be abnormal…?-!" she tried, too late for it to be suitably dramatic.

Only Chachamaru remained still and waiting next to her mistress as the other girls landed with a splash at the middle of the bath, with the water up to barely above her feet. The four of them quickly converged in a semicircle around the boy.

"You're messy. Your shirt is asymmetrical. Your hair's too long both for a child and a teacher. Your right shoe's untied. Your fly is open. You need to be punished," Chiri rapidly droned while swinging her broom around. The young mage ducked in time under it, only to have to step aside immediately when the girl brought the broomstick down in another attempt to hit him. "Unruly. Improper. Undisciplined!"

"E-Eva-san, you're a coward!" he stammered while rolling away against a wall. "Manipulating innocents into doing your dirty work...!"

"Would you expect honor from an evil sorceress?" Evangeline taunted him from above. "Then you're even dumber than I thought! I expected you to notice I'm above such petty concerns by now!"

"Below them, you mean..." the child ran for a better position as he avoided Nami's ax strikes; he noticed the short haired slave seemed to be holding just short back of actually aiming for killing blows, and Chachamaru's quiet but stern watching from above seemed to confirm that; but still, it was too close for comfort. "Hitou-san, please drop that thing! You could hurt yourself! A normal girl like you shouldn't-"

"DON'T SAY 'NORMAL'!" Nami cried out. "I'm sick of being normal! For years, since kindergarten, I never was special! Only run-of-the-mill! Mediocre! Simple and boring!" she growled, years of pented-up frustration finally erupting out as she madly chopped around. "I'm tired of that! I'd even prefer being a vampire!"

"Show him no mercy, my servants!" Eva commanded. "Strip that little chicken bare!"

The four girls paused for a moment.

"S-strip him bare?" Ai asked.

"Isn't that indecent?" Chiri's insane properness core still fought against the vampiric conditioning. "We are no pedophile perverts like 2-A!"

"No offense intended," Ai quickly added.

Eva ran a hand over her own face. "This is what comes from not biting competent help…"

Kafuka, in the meanwhile, had sneaked up behind Negi and caught him up in a tight bear embrace, giggling as she tried to get his shirt off. "Strip the little birdie, let's see the birdie..." she sang while he attempted to escape kicking and screaming.

"NO! NO! NOT THAT! PLEASE, NO! LET ME GO...!" He frantically looked into his pockets; for the last few days, he had saved a few tricks in the event of a surprise ambush, but now he was so nervous he barely remembered them. Finally he found what he was looking for, fishing it out and tossing it up into the air.

Kafuka paused, briefly looking at the tiny bottle rolling in midair before her face. "Flans Exarmatio!" Negi yelled, and the bottle exploded into her nose, the blast tossing her a few steps back and also blowing most of the clothes off her torso. Otherwise she was unhurt, only coughing and slightly dizzy.

"*Cough, cough*! Ahhhh, Negi-kun...!" she lamented while looking down at herself, but making no attempt to cover herself. "I wasn't supposed to be the naked one!"

Negi ignored her, basically choosing to run away, taking a quick mental note on finding a way to avoid having to look at so many of his students in so many states of undressing. Chamo, on the other hand, just stood frozen in place and staring with wide shiny eyes.

"That's unacceptable!" a scandalized Chiri made a beeline for Negi, broom firmly in hand, taking a few more swings at him, most of them dodged until a lucky shot hit him squarely in the face and sent him barreling against a wall. "Enemy of all women! I, Kitsu Chiri, will put a stop to your sinful ways!"

"Sorry to be so useless in battle!" Ai sniffed, clumsily approaching while attempting not to spill her bucket down. "It's my fault this is taking so long!"

Nami also zeroed in, the three girls surrounding Negi while Kafuka stayed behind laughing dumbly. The young teacher gulped helplessly, furiously running escape plans at full speed in his head. But every situation he could think of ended with either some of the girls or himself hurt...

Then, a voice.

It chanted what he recognized as a magic activation release, from the sudden spike of magical energy in the air. He also could feel a, by now familiar, dark aura faintly washing all over the place. It smelt of rancid, decaying despair, and an unending, quiet sadness without equal.

 _"Bure, bure bure bure bure bure..."_ the male voice said, and an abrupt spiral of an invisible force sprang up pushing the students away from the Welsh teacher.

"AIIIIEEEE!" Nami shrieked.

"Oh no!" Ai hugged the bucket to prevent it from spilling out. "I can't make a mess on the floor! I'll be scolded! And fairly! It all will be my fault!"

"Who dares-!" Faithful to the old traditions to the end, Chiri spat the old cliche out.

But Eva just stared calmly, arms crossed, at the tall and lanky figure who had just showed up at the bath's back door. Dressed in his eternal hakama and wooden sandals, with a very old and musty wooden ruler in a hand, dark magic flowing out of it in spirals of blackness. "Ah. Despair," she snorted.

"Itoshiki-sensei..." Negi breathed out.

The older teacher took his head back and sighed melodramatically. "This will end in tears," he loudly lamented. "Mine!"

* * *

 

**Act Six:**

Silently sneaking into the communal bath with the stealth earned from years of spying on others for fresh gossip, Kakizaki Misa witnessed, open mouthed, a chain of events she never would have believed possible ever before.

First, just as soon as she had slid in behind everyone's backs, cowering behind a huge marble pillar, she had managed to see the tall sexy blonde at the top of the summer hut changing into Evangeline. Then the 2-F idiots had jumped on Negi-kun, seemingly trying their darn best to kill him. At that point Misa did try to call for help, but for some reason her cellphone had just died on her, as if something had cut its signal down. Then Itoshiki-sensei had shown up to save Negi-kun, displaying a weird magic of sorts against his own students.

It all was enough to make Misa to believe her sanity was slipping, big time. She quietly prayed someone had just slipped her some illegal thing into her drink at the movie theater, and she'd be alright by morning. But she wouldn't bet on it.

It all made a turn for the even worse when she realized Chachamaru had spotted her. Evangeline seemed too busy looking at Negi and Nozomu to care about anything else, but Chachamaru was only creepily staring straight into the purple haired girl's direction, not saying a single word, but obviously keeping her even, cold gaze on her. Misa shuddered, feeling herself caught with no way out. Should she try to run away? Would Chachamaru allow that? Even if she did, wouldn't the others realize her presence if she moved now?

Itoshiki's sandals calmly clacked against the floor as the man walked ahead, his head hanging low, the aura around himself shifting and swirling like a living beast. "There is a single good thing about being a pessimist," he began. "You're always right. The Dean and Takahata said there was no point on hunting for you. No doubt they believed your raids had stopped. But I knew better, Evangeline-san! A monster will always be a monster. And now, all these sleepless nights of prowling around waiting for your move have paid off! All those scratches from stray cats, bites from stray dogs, and sexual harassing from stray invading bums, were worth it just to see I was right!"

Evangeline yawned. "You finished now?"

Nozomu paused thoughtfully and nodded, panting just a bit after his tirade.

"Are you sure?" the undead mage insisted. "I know how much you like to rant..."

"As do you. Your turn," Itoshiki offered chivalrously.

"Thanks," Eva said in a flat tone before rasping and entering Evil Ham territory again. "MWA HA HA HA! Hopeless simpleton! Pathetic insect! Do you underestimate me enough to compare your meager powers with mine, or are you that willing to beg for your final release? Never mind; I shall not be your adversary."

She pointed a hand at him. "My minions! I know how you lust for this sorry excuse for a man, so release your most secret passions upon him!"

Chamo was banging his head against a wall. "And they call him unlucky!"

Itoshiki stared blankly. "... Lust?"

"... Lust?" Negi echoed, just as lost as him, though in a different way. "What's 'lust'? Itoshiki-sensei, what does 'lust' mean?"

Itoshiki froze. "Ask Takamichi!"

From her hiding place, Misa was similarly perplexed. Even after the flight on a stick, the taking ferret, the vampire witch and someone trying to cut Negi with an ax, the fact someone could have the hots for Despair-sensei was the oddest thing that day had to offer.

However, the four girls seemed all for it. With a fascinated, morbid interest they hadn't shown for Negi (confirming, in Misa's opinion, that they obviously had bad taste), they dashed from their separate directions to encircle Itoshiki, their eyes shining in red hues.

"Itoshiki-sensei..." Chiri huskily crooned.

"Let's play doctor, Sensei..." Kafuka cooed. "Or let's play house. Or Doctor House...!"

"K-Kafuka-san, please cover yourself!" the man averted his gaze, blushing bright crimson. "Being a bloodthirsty soulless fiend is no excuse for exhibitionism!"

"S-S-Sorry, but we can't let you go..." Ai meekly stammered.

"If I rip your heart off and keep it as a memento of love on my nightdesk, I won't be normal anymore, will I?" Nami asked with patent hope in her voice.

"For your class' standards?" Nozomu cringed. "Maybe."

"Itoshiki-sensei, hold on! I'll help you!" Negi raced after them, only to be stopped by the sound of Evangeline's boastful laughter.

"Ho ho ho ho! No, Boyo, you'll be playing a different kind of game!" As she spoke, a huge flock of black bats flew all around her, converging upon her shoulders to melt all together forming a huge black cape for her. "Are you ready? Chachamaru!" she commanded.

"Yes, Master," the robot whispered before flying down in a swift swoop, cannon-balling towards the boy. He jumped back just in time to avoid her right fist, which cracked a hole on the piece of floor where he had stood a second before. "I apologize, Negi-sensei. Perhaps after this I can make it up to you. Would you like to learn martial arts? Tantric positioning, perhaps? Wait, forget that last part. It must have been a bug in my programming."

Still standing above, Eva stretched her arms open and shouted, "Li La Lalac Li Lilac! Septendecium Spiritus Glaciales Coeuntes Inimicum Concidant!"

Immediately, and just as Chachamaru charged ahead again, seventeen bolts of flying ice arched up from Eva and targeted Negi, flying at a dizzying speed looking for his body. Misa gasped and even stood back as she saw her teacher barely dodging a few that froze the floor and the walls they hit, batting a few others away with his staff and jumping over others, all the while escaping Chachamaru's insistent pursuit.

Nozomu was too busy barely surviving Kafuka's tosses of knives still safely stocked in her pantyhose, Nami's ax and Chiri's broomstick, which swatted and swatted, every hit coming closer to its mark. And Evangeline only smirked maliciously like a delighted ringmaster from hell. Finally, the blonde reached out with an outstretched hand and shouted, "Sagitta Magica, Series Glacialis!"

An array of floating ice arrows appeared over her hand, shooting themselves at Negi, flying around Chachamaru without touching her. Most of them missed their target, but one of them hit Negi's right shoulder, leaving a slight cold wound and pushing him back against a large window. Another one hit him in a leg with similar results, pushing him further back, so violently his body broke through the window and he fell out and down into the darkness of the night, with a scream.

"NEGI-KUN!" Forgetting everything else, Misa ran into the open, terrified and aghast.

"Negi-Sensei!" Itoshiki struggled to hold Chiri's broomstick at bay. "No! You can't die before ME, like everyone else! There's no fairness in this world!"

Maybe as some sort of divine karma, Chiri made a bullseye on his head with her next strike. "... Ouch!"

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

For a moment, Negi lost all awareness and briefly plummeted into a black state of total mental disconnection as he plummeted down to certain doom. However, right when Chachamaru was about to jump out the window for a save, he opened his eyes back and grasped his staff, willing it to fly up right before reaching the ground.

Holding onto it, he ascended, managing to climb on top of it, to mount it ignoring the intense pain in his wounded leg. Standing at the window's edge, Evangeline smirked while seeing him flying away. "Hm. Not that bad. More endurance than I thought," she mused. "Most grown men can't even move after being hit by a single arrow. Still, he'll be an easy prey after this. Chachamaru! After him!" she said as she jumped out as well amidst a hundred shrieks of black bats, quickly gaining height in her aerial pursuit.

Chachamaru gave the stunned, pale Misa a brief gaze, mostly to see if she was okay, before her feet activated its rockets impulsing her into the air after her tiny mistress. "Yes, Master."

"Wait, you two! Wait!" Kakizaki tried to run after her, stopping at the window, her long purple hair flowing in the icy breeze. "What the hell are you trying to do to Negi-kun!"

Chamo came to her side, shaking his head. "It's terrible, Sis! Terrible! Evangeline there is a vampire, and she won't stop until she has drunk the Bro's blood! I don't know what to do! Looks like nothing can stop her!"

"D-Don't shit me!" she cursed, shuddering past anything she ever thought possible. "This is too much for me to buy it! Who's voicing you? Why do you keep saying 'Bro'? Are you Neil Patrick Harris? How did you get enough budget for this crazy stunt? And why to waste it on pranking me?-!"

"Get real, Sis!" the ermine shouted angrily. "Don't you think this is all too large scoped to be only a joke? Get with the program if you want to help me save the Bro!"

"Saving Negi-kun?" the girl's face twitched uncontrollably. "B-But how?-! I have no special talents, nothing that could help him now-"

"That can be fixed!" Chamo waved a paw up and down. "I'll explain everything on our way there! You with me, yes or not?"

Misa gave Itoshiki-sensei a very brief doubtful glare. "Despair-sensei, what about you?"

"I'll be..." Itoshiki said while pinballing between walls after another precise strike of Chiri's broom, "... okay! Really, just..." he continued as Ai intercepted him with a mop to the head, "... do your best for him! I'll hold..." he gurgled after Kafuka kicked him in the head, "... my students here for you in the meanwhile!"

"Umm, alright," the 2-A student hummed while trotting for the door. "Yeah. Some advice; do try to fight back, will you? Girls tend to prefer men with a spine..."

"I'll take it in account..." the teacher blandly promised right before being sent bouncing against a wall. "Owww. Too much for that spine. I do believe now I have four of them..."

Misa was just glad the psycho maids were too focused on their sensei to even attempting to stop her from leaving. "Well, and how do you suggest we find Negi-kun?" she asked Chamo, as they both ran out of the building. "For that matter, how can we reach him before he's street pizza?"

"Leave that to me!" the ermine replied. "I can feel both the smell and the magical presence of the Bro no matter where he is! That way!" he sprinted ahead, towards the East. "If we're lucky, we'll reach him either before he's a dry corpse, or after the devil duo has left!"

"... You aren't exactly the best pet a boy could hope for, did you know that?" Misa clenched her teeth while following him. If that was a showing of what Chisame and the Prof had to deal with in a routine basis, she had a new-found admiration for them.

Meanwhile, several streets of distance ahead, the witch and the robot closed in at breakneck speed, Negi's staff barely keeping a safe distance by now. His head felt like it was boiling from the inside, even as the wounds on his shoulder and leg felt so chilly they threatened to numb his limbs down. He had believed it'd be better for Itoshiki-sensei if he lured the attention away from him, but did he have the right idea? He couldn't even think straight anymore. He felt feverish and nauseous, the world a blur around him, and not only because of his flight speed. Had he heard Kakizaki-san's voice back there as he was falling? He couldn't be sure. Only one half-rational thought filled his mind now.

_The bridge. Gotta reach the bridge._

He still could notice Evangeline sending more Ice Arrows after him, and he forced his right arm to react. Pulling an old, rusty artifact out of his pants, he took aim, remembered Mana's words on concentration to use his skills, and shot the Arrows zooming at him. Much to his relief, the blasts of pure magic hit all their targets, making them to harmlessly explode in midair.

"My, my. A magical gun?" Eva mused. "You don't see many of those lately. It must have costed him a small fortune..."

"From my time cohabiting with Negi-sensei, I gathered data on his hobby of collecting magical oddities," Chachamaru dutifully informed. "All projectiles destroyed. Will you try again?"

"Never with the same trick twice," her mistress smiled, then brought her hands up. "Nivis Casus!" she shouted, summoning a small storm of snow all over the child.

"Arrrgh!" Negi screamed as he lost balance, then zoomed down making a bad landing amidst some barely cushioning bushes. Even then, he recovered quickly, limping stubbornly toward the nearby suspension bridge. The shadows of the ground below offered him some cover as he scurried away like a wounded animal.

"Ah ha ha ha!" Evangeline laughed. "It's like hunting a little rabbit!"

"Master," Chachamaru was not exactly amused, "We'd better not extend this anymore. We aren't left with that much time to finish it..."

"All right, all right," the immortal bloodsucker sighed. "I'll be merciful and give him a quick coup-de-grace." Her sharp eyes scanned the ground below. "Just let me see where's he now..."

Running with no pause, panting softly and sticking as close to the buildings and walls as he could, trying to find cover at each turn, Negi knew he had to take a different approach. He couldn't take an unbound Evangeline on even terms. He needed another edge. But what...? What...?

Mana's words rang in his head again.

_"Sensei, you have people around you that can be of more help to you than me. Look closer around yourself, and you'll find what you look for. Trust your friends"._

"Girls..." he hoarsely whispered. "Please forgive me..."

With a trembling hand, he reached into his shirt for the closer card to his heart. He felt its warmth as his fingers grasped it, as if its power was calling out for him. It was almost as warm as the sleeping embrace of Chisame herself.

He pulled it out in a single swift motion. It seemed to faintly glow between his fingers as the silver moonlight hit upon it.

_'Idolum Virtuale'_

He pressed the card's edge against his forehead and closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to flow into the Pactio instrument.

_Chisame-san? Chisame-san, please... I... I think I may need help..._

* * *

 

**Act Eight:**

There was not much for them to do, alone at the darkness, than sitting there waiting for him.

I mean, yeah, Hakase was itching to put her hands on some machinery and start tinkering with it as usual, but even she couldn't do that in the middle of a complete blackness (at least not in around seventy percent of the attempts. She had taken self studies on it. Only three out of ten times did she end up with any level of success. Every other time she ended making a shapeless mess, a toy monkey playing drums, a tubular thing that was only good for turning screws with sonic waves, or some strange two-ended buzzing thing she always dumped onto Haruna's doorstep. Haruna never seemed to complain). And she could have looked for a lamp or lantern around to help her with the task, but after stumbling and falling thrice in her search, Chisame had convinced her to stop it and just sit down with her on the top bunk. To wait.

"We really need to buy him a cellphone," Hasegawa quietly mused, her legs dangling off the bed's edge.

"If you're so concerned, why not to call him using the Pactio cards?" Satomi proposed. "Chamo-san said they could be used with communication purposes."

"Yeah, because Misa won't suspect anything magical in nature when she notices his card's bleeping or whatever it does when we call him," Chisame pointed out in turn. "She may be a cheerleader, but she isn't THAT dumb."

"Point," Hakase sulked.

"I wonder what they are doing," Chisame muttered bitterly.

"What do you mean?" the scientist innocently asked.

"Well, you know!" her roommate waved a hand around. "I've never trusted Kakizaki. She knows no shame, and you know it."

"Do I?" Satomi blinked without a clue.

Chisame sighed. "Forgive me. I forgot I was talking with **you**."

"If you were so convinced of Kakizaki-san's dubious moral condition, why would you allow her to walk away alone with Negi-sensei?" Hakase questioned.

"What did you expect me to do? To slap her around and put a restriction order on her?" the hacker snarked before pausing, somewhat allured by the idea. "It may sound very, very good in theory, but-"

"I could inject mind altering nanobots in her bloodstream," the genius offered.

Chisame looked half horrified, half tempted by the notion. "Could you actually do that?"

Hakase shrugged. "I have the schematics. I haven't tested it on lab animals yet, but now that we have Chamo-san..."

Hasegawa nodded vaguely. "Sounds like a plan. A monstrous, best left untouched one, but... Tell you what; we'll consider it if she doesn't bring him back before midnight."

"Deal."

Chisame ruffled her hair almost fondly. "That's my friend."

Then, however, both of them tensed, feeling something radiating from under Chisame's pillow. It was a strange sensation, like that of a living, pulsing warm heart sending a signal for them, especially Chisame. It felt a lot like the Pactio kiss, as well. Confused, biting her lower lip, the brown haired teen reached under the pillow and pulled her Card out. The sensation was even stronger now, almost burning in touch with her hand.

"I believe it's a message," Hakase reverently whispered.

"H-How do I answer?" Chisame cringed, fearing the worst now.

"Chamo-san told me how it works. You have to touch it with your forehead. My theory is, after that, the influx of what I call, for a lack of a better term, Magitrons, that is, particles of so-called 'magical' energy in a sub-molecular level, have an easier access into your central nervous system, passing through the skin and skull and directly into the brain cells, where they display-"

"Why didn't he tell **me** about it?-!" Chisame angrily cut the expo-speak out while placing her card on her own forehead.

"He did," Satomi said. "You were too busy updating your page."

"Oh," Hasegawa blinked right before Negi's voice faintly reached her mind, not her ears. "Sensei? Is that really you?"

Hakase curiously observed how her roommate's eyes widened in shock. "Evangeline?-!" Chisame gasped.

"Is Chachamaru with them?" Satomi eagerly asked.

Chisame gestured for her to be quiet. "Are you okay? No, tell me the truth! I know that tone of yours! It's the one you always use when you try feigning innocence, you little creep! What? Two times! Oh my God! You need a doctor! To hell with your secret, you could lose your life!"

"What is he saying? What is he saying?" Hakase bugged her until Hasegawa just pressed a hand over her mouth.

"The suspension bridge? Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah! Okay, we won't tell anyone! On our way!"

Chisame lowered the card with a haunted expression hanging on her face. "We also can call each other with these things, can't we?"

"Yes, we can. Why?"

"We need to reach Kasuga. And you'd better bring that speedster gizmo of yours again." She looked noticeably freen at the thought.

* * *

 

**Act Nine:**

Misora slept lying on her stomach, mouth wide open and tongue half hanging out, two slight blobs of saliva making puddles over it. Cocone quietly slept in the lower bunk, cuddled against her pillow, hugging it tightly.

That was until the strange faint glow and the unmistakable magical pulse began to radiate from Misora's night desk. Cocone immediately opened her eyes, her pupils going straight to the source of the sudden disturbance. Her friend above stirred a bit, but otherwise only shifted around in the covers and buried her face into her Liddo-kun pillow.

Cocone exhaled the briefest hint of a sigh before sitting up, then standing up, fixing her long thick nightshirt, her bare little feet softly tapping against the carpet as she walked. She easily located the exact origin of the pulse, opening a drawer and pulling the Card from between the pages of Misora's _Neo Horizon_ English book. Fitting, actually. Without missing a beat, the small girl walked back to the bunks, climbing up to Misora's bed, poking her friend's ribs with a finger.

"Nnnh. Too early," Misora grunted, her voice slurring, pulling apart from the poking finger. "Lemme sleep."

"Your Magister calls," Cocone softly whispered. Now that was enough to wake the older apprentice in the spot.

"S-Say what?-!" Misora sprang up in shock, tightening the pillow against her chest. "Muh-Muh-Magister?-! That's some dream you were having! I don't have... any..."

Unfazed, Cocone just held the card right before her face.

Misora just stared at it with a blush and a frozen face before helplessly offering, "I'm sure that's another Kasuga Misora."

"It's your duty," the smaller girl said, in a still very low, but somewhat more strict and stern, tone. "Honor it."

"C-Cocone-chan..." Misora fidgeted shamefully while accepting the card, "Sorry, I... I wanted to tell you, but... the right moment hadn't-"

"Just answer," the child calmly urged her.

"Y-Yeah..." Being wiser to the ways of magic than Chisame and Hakase, she immediately placed the card's edge against her forehead. Hasegawa's voice then screamed into her mind.

_FINALLY! What the Hell took you so long?-!_

"Some of us do sleep, Miss Internet Zombie!" Misora yelled back, as Cocone quietly sat down next to her, her telepathy sense easily picking on the whole conversation. "What happened?"

_Evangeline is chasing Sensei around! He just called me. We're getting ready to go help him, and you'd better drag your butt here with us before it's too late!_

"Wait, what?-!" the nun in training blinked. "How did you guys allow that to happen? You're supposed to be his guardians! What were you doing, too busy dressing up and playing Virtual Idol to care?-!"

_No one was expecting an attack so soon! Certainly not you, either! Look, we'll argue later, but right now, he needs us! He told me he'd be at the suspension bridge, so let's head straight there. Now!_

"Wait, there must be something-!" Misora began to protest, but then the communication was cut out. The young apprentice hunched over ahead, with wide round eyes, cold sweat all over her, and a panicked face. "I'm not ready for that! I'm gonna get killed! It was a short, unfulfilling life..." she whined. "I DON'T WANNA DIE A VIRGIN!"

"I'll help you," Cocone said.

"What?" Misora snapped out of her funk a bit. "Oh, no, absolutely not! I like you and all, Cocone-chan, and I think you're great, but I-I uh, I don't really swing... that is, your too young! It would be illegal for us to-"

"Help you deal with Evangeline," Cocone said, an unspoken 'baka' hanging in the air.

"Oh, no, no. no way! If you die too, Sister Shakti will just deny me burial on sacred ground and throw my ashes into the sea! Then she'll find some way to bring me back just so she can kill me herself, and use my skull as some kind of paperweight!"

Cocone put one of her small hands on hers. "Please."

The older girl made a confused, embarrassed face. "But... after I kept this secret from you..."

"I already suspected."

"What?-!" Misora jerked back. "But how...?"

"You were spending too long away... with classmates you never before were close to..."

Misora's guilt feeling grew larger. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to..."

Cocone just climbed down with ease and began to put her veil on. "We're in a hurry."

"You really sure you want to go...?"

A brief nod. "That's what friends do."

The other girl nodded, silently impressed by her resolve. Her hands still were trembling in fear, but just a little less now. She would need to protect her Cocone-chan. And Negi-kun.

She held the card high, drew in a very deep breath, and said in a clearer voice,

_"Adeat."_

**The Bathhouse:**

"I've just had an idea!" Kafuka piped in while throwing another panty-showing kick in Nozomu's direction, one he barely managed to dodge with a clumsy move that was more of a fall back than anything else. "If we split Sensei in four parts, we all will get to keep him!"

"Four equal pieces?" Chiri's eyes glinted in approval. "Brilliant thinking, Kafuka-san! Now all we need is a measuring tape and a lawyer to properly redact our terms of division of estate..."

"Kaere-chan knows an excellent legal firm!" Kafuka further cheered up.

"What? What?" Nozomu helplessly babbled while rolling back, Nami's ax almost chopping his hair off. "Am I nothing but a communal property now? Will this degrade my already laughable market value?"

"Don't be so picky about your situation, please, Sensei. You offend us," Chiri scoffed while whacking him across the face and against a corner. "You should count yourself lucky to have our attentions, you know. If you insist on despising and mocking our sincere affections, we might be forced to truly go harsh on you!"

"Your 'affections' are nothing but murder attempts!" the man yelled out.

"That's a very cruel thing to say," Chiri briefly looked aside, with a hurt expression. "We're in an age where our blooming passions are very painful and difficult to express naturally. A truly loving man would just think of a way to accept our efforts without crushing all our hopes for the future... Besides, shouldn't you of all people find that hot?"

"I'm not a loving man, I'm a teacher! Years of underpaid labor serving the needs of the young and the unruly have killed my heart off!"

The long haired girl fumed. "If not because of your heart, then because of your sense of duty! It's improper to damage a loving maiden's feelings like that! Don't you fancy yourself a gentleman?"

"Alas, sadly, no!" Itoshiki slumped down like a battered ragdoll. "Since my birth, I have failed the expectations everyone has ever placed upon me! I failed to become the heir my family needed! I failed to become popular among my peers ever since kindergarten! Then I was rejected by the cool team of hot blooded adventures I had admired since my childhood after reaching my teen years! Time after time, I met nothing but failure at taking my own life, despite everyone's wishes, especially mine! And then, not only did I end up taking the most despair inducing job in existence, but I was assigned to teach your class instead of a decent one!"

Chiri had looked almost actually moved through most of that rant, until the last sentence mad her eyes to glow in red again. "You know..." she hissed. "When we claim your body, we'll definitely need to take the tongue off..."

She failed to notice the small but compact swirling field of black energy gathering itself in a spiral around Itoshiki's right fist, powering it up, until it suddenly raised itself up, knocking her up across the chin and sending her flying a few steps back with her eyes fully white, knocking her down and out in a single punch.

"GAH!" Itoshiki looked at his treacherous fist. "This is unforgivable! Once more, my cowardly body betrays me! What have I done? I've just struck an innocent, nubile student whose only sin was attempting to help me get rid of my worthless life! I'm a shame to myself and all of mankind! I'M IN DESPAIR!" he screamed. "MY SELF-PRESERVATION PRIMAL INSTINCTS HAVE LEFT ME IN OUT OF CHARACTERNESS *AND* DESPAIR!"

The three other girls simply stared at each other in puzzled silence for a few moments, until Ai shyly asked, "Umm... Sorry about my selfishness, but with Kitsu-san out, does this mean we'll only have to split Sensei between the three of us now?"

Nami smirked, her grip on the ax's handle tightening with eagerness. "You can't argue with Math..."

"Errrr, I'm a Classic Lit teacher, remember...?" Itoshiki gave a few steps aside, vainly looking for the exit. "For Math, you'll be better looking for Ririko Kagome-san..."

"We'll cope with what we have at hand..." Nami licked her lips before jumping on him.

A girlish scream filled the night. Itoshiki's.

* * *

 

**Act Ten:**

Wiping some last remnants of snow and ice from his cheeks, Negi spurred himself to run a few blocks more, hoping to reach the river in time. Unfortunately, just as he was seeing the bridge almost at his reach, he also could hear the chilling female laughter from above.

"Ha ha ha ha! Is running away all you're good for, Boyo? Can't you toss even throw a single sad spell at me?"

He had been spotted! Never stopping, he watched over his shoulder, to look up at the pair of aerial figures hovering above, almost catching up to him. Evangeline had an outstretched hand up, charging power on it for another strike.

 _"Veniant Spiritus Glaciales, Extendatur Aeri..."_ she chanted ominously. _"Tundram et Glaciem Loci Noctis Albae!"_

Another ice-related conjuration, he noticed ever before feeling how all the already scarce heat of their surroundings seemed to be sucked up and out of the air itself, leaving only a freezing and uncomfortable sensation of extreme coldness washing over the ground. And then, she projected her hand down, screaming,

_"CRYSTALLIZATIO TELLUSTRIS!"_

Then gigantic pikes of thick ice fell from above, nailing themselves down into the ground, cracking it open and causing a small tremor all around, enough to shake Negi off his feet and make him to fall flat on his right side, hurting himself in the arm holding the staff.

"Ah!" he gasped, trying to roll around to minimize the impact. It didn't work much, but he at least avoided hitting his head, and he could quickly stand back, panting and wheezing, backing away until his feet reached the suspension bridge. He continued walking back, slowly, warily, while the vampiress and her servant softly landed on their feet at the end of the bridge.

"A basic, yet decent strategy for a coward," Eva dryly mocked. "Attempting to escape beyond the limits of the Academy, where I'm unable to wander out. Don't you think it's a very pathetic plan, Sensei...?"

He hardened his glare as much as he could. "Not much worse than hiding behind slaves."

"HAH! Finally, you show some galls. But too little, too late," the small blonde said. "This game has been moderately fun, but not anymore. You can't escape Chachamaru, and if you attempt to run away, she'll simply catch you and deliver you to me. So I offer you a last mercy. Come here willingly, and prove you are a man after all. Surrender to your destiny with some dignity. Then, and only then, I'll make your defeat a quick and painless one."

He didn't move. "No."

Evangeline smiled, noticing he was assuming a clumsy fighting stance. "You do have some strange notions of courage. Choosing to run and choosing to fight, both at the absolute worst moments. Oh, well," she sighed and snapped her fingers. "Chachamaru, please..."

"Yes... Master," the gynoid gave a step ahead.

"S-Stay back!" Negi stammered. "I'm not a believer on corporal punishment on students, but-!"

"Try us," Evangeline challenged.

 _"Aer Derma, Sacicienda Eson Blem!"_ the boy waved his staff, creating a huge wall of hot air that blew part of the ice spikes all across both students, just as he rushed ahead aiming for the spot between them.

 _"Umbrale Nautica!"_ he added, no summoning a large invisible bubble of compacted, hurricaned air that hrew them both off balance, allowing him to pass by running between them, attempting to rush back between the buildings of the campus. However, the unliving mage recovered very quickly, projecting another spell upon him, her hands glowing in a ghostly whiteish hue.

_"Lukurakura Dakurakura Sofi Negi Spiritus!"_

Immediately, he felt himself faltering, falling on his stomach and gasping for air. His wounds ached even more now, as well as his right arm, making nearly impossible for him to move. He still attempted to worm away, muttering between clenched teeth, "That's a... forbidden spell of personal damage, isn't it?"

Mc Dowell nodded. "It strikes the whole body through the spirit residing it. It consumes a lot of magical energy, but luckily, I'm overflowing with it tonight. Leave it to me, Chachamaru," she asked, giving a step towards him and away from the bridge. "Now he's headed this way, he wasted his only slight chance to elude me." She opened her mouth, fangs glinting dangerously. She floated up and threw herself at him. "You're all mine, son of the Thousand Master!"

However, Chachamaru tensed immediately, attempting to reach and grab her cape with a hand at the last moment, barely missing it. "Master, no! Beware!"

Eva had not even heard her, but she did notice the cause of her alarm. Someone had just jumped out of the nearby shadows to quickly stand before the fallen boy with her arms extended around, shielding him and forcing the Mistress of Puppets to make a sudden, violent last second change of direction, nearly crashing against a tree. She landed in the grass, jerking her head up to look at the newcomer with rage filled eyes. "You...?"

Negi looked up at his unlikely savior with a mix of fear and agitation. "Ku-Kakizaki-san..?"

Ironically firm on shaky legs, the girl with the purple hair gulped loudly without leaving her current pose. "You okay, Negi-kun?"

* * *

 

**Act Eleven:**

"Kakizaki Misa..." Evangeline dragged the words in a hiss, standing upright to shoot her an acerbic stare. "Why are you here? Is there anyone with you?"

Misa said nothing, keeping herself still even if nervous under the shorter girl's glare.

"Kakizaki-san, please..." Negi struggled to get up, attempting to push himself up with his hands. "Get away..."

Eva tilted her head aside like a curious owl. In other circumstances, it'd have been cute. "What? You always were so talkative, Kakizaki... What happened to you? Bat got your tongue?" Her tone grew harsher, impatient. "How much do you know? Chachamaru, scan the area. Tell me if she's alone or not."

The robot's eyes briefly shone in apple green. "Chamo-san is cowering behind the third lamp post at our right, but otherwise, no sapient creatures other than us are in the immediate proximities, Master."

"Then the little weasel was desperate enough to bring you, huh?" the immortal smirked. "I guess Hakase and her ragtag bunch were too cowardly to follow on their word after all."

"Evangeline," Misa finally spoke up, "I don't understand what got into you, but... Don't you think there are better ways to get into a boy's pants?"

The bloodsucker blinked. "What."

"I mean, I get he's too cute for words, but taking him by force is not the way to go! At least try being a bit more subtle!" the cheerleader said. "Boys today aren't that much into pushy girls... because they're, ahhh... more sensible than... before..."

Eva tapped a foot down. "Are you idiotic enough to actually believe that's what I'm trying here, or are you just trying to confuse me?"

"Don't play coy with me!" Misa declared nervously. "I've been listening to you all night! Practically every third thing you said has been a sexual innuendo!"

"Child," the vampiress flashed her fangs back, making Misa to shudder, "I don't like being mocked. If you already know what I am, then you know it's very unwise to cross me. And if you don't yet, then this should be enough to clue even your empty brain in. Now step aside. Go back to your shallow life before I end it up for you."

"E-Evangeline-san...!" Negi stiffly groaned, getting a few more inches up.

Misa just closed her eyes, whispering a half-forgotten prayer under her breath. Then she pulled two sticks from behind her back, obviously picked up off the ground, holding one vertical and the other horizontal in a cross shape. "Begone, evil one!" she declared. "The power compells you!"

Evangeline let a sigh out. "Why does people keep on thinking I'm the devil? Only because I like draining the precious vital fluids of young victims?"

"There, see!" Misa said triumphantly. "That was another one!"

Evangeline gave another step ahead. "Away from me, child."

Misa shook her head stubbornly, standing still even as she trembled and tightened her closed eyelids. Eva made a signal with her head to Chachamaru, and dutifully, the robot grabbed Misa with the utmost care and lifted her up like you would lift a newborn kitty, safely placing her aside and patting her head with a placid, slightly bashful smile. "Sorry about this," the servant said. "I promise you won't get hurt no matter what."

"Yeah, fine," her mistress grumbled. "Now you, on the other hand..." she turned a sadistic smirk to Negi. Seeing he was attempting to stand back on his staff, she grabbed it forcefully, tugged it away making him to fall back on his face, and tossed it back and off the bridge, into the river below. "I always hated this stupid stick of his..."

"Master, now that was cruel..." Chachamaru observed.

"My staff!" Negi cried out, his eyes growing huge and welling up with tears. "Eva-san, you're too mean! Why?-! That... That was my most beloved possession! You're a horrible person! I'll never... never forget-!"

Evangeline stopped him with an angry bark. "Silence! Spineless maggot! You dare to bawl like a baby after invoking my wrath!-?"

"To be fair, he wasn't the one starting it all..." Chachamaru quietly pointed out.

"That makes no difference!" Eva claimed. "In matters of life and death, it doesn't matter 'who started it', but how do you cope with it all! Even that Thousand Master fool knew that! If you ever want to be a man like him, you brat, I advise you to remember that! Complaining about the unfairness of life never got anyone anywhere!"

"Seriously?" Misa asked. "It always gets me a raise out of Daddy..."

Ignoring her, Evangeline knelt down next to Negi. Her hands suddenly caressed his cheeks, almost soothingly. "But I guess you're brave enough for your age. Most children of these times have no courage or honor. Spoiled little rotten parasytes. You could hope to be something different..."

He gasped helplessly, staring into her deep, mesmerizing green eyes. "Ah...?"

"You were a fool, coming after me alone. But I'll still grant you a sweet release after your efforts. Just close your eyes. I promise it won't hurt..."

"Innuendo! Innuendo!" Misa declared.

"Master..." Chachamaru sounded almost concerned, even as she quickly grabbed Misa's right arm, stopping her from interfering.

But Negi didn't close his eyes. He only could stare in horror as Evangeline's warm mouth, breathing in and out in eager gasps, closed in to his neck, until the points of the fangs broke through the soft skin, making him to yelp. It was not very painful, being more like dual tiny injections piercing him, but it all simply terrified him beyond words.

Evangeline smirked triumphally to herself and began to suck avidly, savoring the first droplets of sweet blood hitting her tongue.

* * *

 **NEXT:** The Fourth Pactio!


	19. Lesson 16: The Fourth Pactio

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Also, I'm dreading the next manga chapter. DREADING it. Dammit, I hope my fears aren't proved true…

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A huge, huge, huge, huge, and I mean huge, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for helping to correct this chapter too, as well as adding more lines and jokes. And once again, yep, you'll recognize them because they are the good ones. Just remember, Misa was only half the perv she's now before the revisions!

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. I mean it. Would I ever lie to you?

Remember to review, Pretty Please! Writing a few lines won't kill ya!

Also, in even more shameless self-promoting matters, this fanfic already has its own TV Tropes page! Feel free to contribute whenever you want!

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON SIXTEEN.**

* * *

 

**Act One:**

**Arkham. Nearly Dawn:**

The man with the gray hair and the bushy moustache sighed deeply, lighting his pipe up and giving it a first nervous smoke. He had pretty much left the vice. He only smoked at Joker crime scenes by now.

Because then, he needed it.

The obese, unkempt man in a GCPD brown coat similar to his own approached him, munching on his smoking cigar, hands in pockets. "They're bringin' Jeremiah over for questioning, Commish. You sure you wanna handle this one?"

"I'm fine, Bullock," the older man replied roughly, in a tone so very unlike his usual fatherly self when dealing with his closest officers. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Yeah," Harvey Bullock vaguely nodded between puffs of his cigar. "Anyway, the boys still are pickin' chunks of the guards off the walls. Very messy even for the Joker."

"What did the cameras pick up?"

"Nothing. Not after the point where Joker chanted that kooky spell. The surveillance tape Jeremiah showed us blurs out."

A deep, imposing male voice came out of the nearby shadows. "'I'll need a copy of those tapes."

Bullock cringed in disgust as the all too familiar towering cowled figure fully clad in black stepped into sight, scowling deeply. Tall and well muscled, with a square jaw and intense haunting eyes. A yellow and shiny bat shaped emblem at the middle of his broad chest.

"Isn't it late for you to still be out?" the lower ranked Detective growled. "Don't you become a pumpkin if you're still out after dawn, I mean?"

"Still plenty of time," the masked vigilante strode over to one of the blood stains at a wall, pulling out a kit of sampling from his belt's compartments and picking a tiny sample off.

Bullock scowled. "Oh, sure. Take our forensics evidence without even asking for it, as usual. You know you're always welcome!"

"Thanks," the unfazed Bat replied without missing a beat. "Jim, any word on the Joker or Crane receiving any visits in the previous weeks?"

Commissioner James Gordon nodded while polishing his glasses up. "Yeah. Jeremiah Arkham says he's just found out a secret visit part of his staff had 'forgotten' to tell him about. I'm itching to hear about it, myself."

"You won't have to wait for long, Commissioner," the thin and humorless doctor walked into the room, followed by Aaron Cash and two well armed Gotham City Police Department agents. "As you know well, I have nothing to hide. I'll tell you everything I've learned of."

Minutes later, the men had moved into an Arkham inquiry room, usually reserved for questioning of newly arrived inmates. The Director himself, for once, sat at the chair normally occupied by his patients as Gordon sat down at the other end of the table, Bullock standing behind him smoking his third cigar of the night despite the sign against it on the wall at his right.

The dark vigilante waited silently at a corner, but his attention never wavered away. His creepy eyes nailed straight on Doctor Arkham.

But the doctor never faltered under the glare. He only fixed his tie up before starting, "Apparently, it was Doctor Quincy Sharp's idea. The guards' reports are still incomplete- it doesn't help many of them are still in shock over their colleagues' senseless deaths- but it seems Doctor Sharp told them it'd be useful for Joker's therapy. The visitor was identified as a priest of European origin, one X. Metallium, but no further data of him has been found. We managed the guards to describe him, however. Young looking, charming and easygoing. Slightly nasal voice, dark purplish hair, lazy eyes. Thin and tall, not exactly imposing, but very charismatic, and seemingly cultured."

"Recorded images of his visit?" Gordon demanded.

"Doctor Sharp asked for the cameras to be turned off while Mr. Metallium spoke with Joker" Jeremiah grumbled. "Heads will roll for this, believe me. It was bad enough when Jervis Tetch escaped four months ago, but now this..."

"Where is Doctor Sharp?" the Batman slammed his hands down on the table.

"Right now? Try chillin' at the morgue with Mortimer Gunt, our mortician," Bullock scoffed with grim causticity. "He didn't show up for the job today, so as soon as this crap hit the fan, we got an order to hit his home. We found 'im with his throat sliced. Gunt says he was killed nearly two hours before Joker and Scarey did their break."

"It makes no sense," Gordon thoughtfully pondered. "Who has anything to gain from setting either of them free? Both of them are wildcards... impossible to control, uneasy allies at best, and never for long. And then, we don't even have any idea of what happened to the guards. It's as if they were ripped to shreds in a matter of seconds. Why would anyone who could do that need the help of either one?"

Bullock snorted, pointing a thumb behind his broad back. "If you're waitin' for a reply from him, Commish, bad news. He already left, too."

And indeed, the Batman had vanished from the room at that point.

"It always disturbs me when he does that," Doctor Arkham snarled before analyzing, "No doubt it shows a deeply rooted inability to sustain long term relationships of mutual trust without continually reasserting his own superiority."

"You eventually get used to it," Gordon replied with a vague shrug of his shoulders.

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

**Mahora Academy. The Main Bathhouse:**

Itoshiki Nozomu ran all across the baths for not-so-dear life, with his clothes in disarray and his face covered by pink lipstick marks, with Nami, Kafuka and Ai hot on his trail, although the girl with the mop dragged somewhat behind the others, never ceasing to apologize because of it.

"It's unheard of! Scandalous!" he cried out. "The seed of evil has born fruit at the sacred gardens of this Academy!"

"We only want a different kind of seed, Itoshiki-sensei!" Nami claimed.

"And the only garden we'll take you to is Eden!" Kafuka promised.

He stubbornly covered his ears with both hands. "Stop tempting me with your vile sweet offerings of soft, nubile, underaged flesh, you harpies!"

"... We ARE getting to him!" Nami cheered at that.

"YAY! Sensei's Tsundere over us!" Kafuka jumped up, making her bare chest bounce. "That's the key to TRUE LOVEEE!"

"S-Stupid Students!" Nozomu babbled, suddenly sounding like Kugimiya Rie. "I-It's not like I like you or anything! Urusai! Urusai! Urusai!"

Then he suddenly found himself running face-first into a wall, falling down on his butt with blood flowing freely out of his nose.

"Waiii!" Fuura all but melted. "He's even nosebleeding for us now!"

"Iff iffn't dat, fffou ifffiot!" Itoshiki desperately tried to hold the blood back stuffing his nose up with a tissue. "I haff jufft bwoken my noffe by hafff!"

"End of the road, Sensei," Nami stopped before him, hands on her hips, even the one holding the ax. "It's time to live happily ever after!"

"There are two words wrong with that sentence, and they're 'live' and 'happily'!" he protested, so exasperated his voice could even overcome the fact his nose was broken.

Nami shrugged. "I heard you can get used to a perfectly happy life as a mutilated mess as long as you're loved."

"I DON'T THINK THAT'S ANY SORT OF CONCLUSION BACKED UP BY SCIENCE!"

Their stimulating, heartwarming, heartfelt, and no doubt soon-to-be heart ripping discussion, however, was interrupted by a sudden scream of "I'M SORRYYYY!" Then a loud clank of a metal handle crashing against skull, as Ai whacked both of her classmates across the head with her mop, instantly knocking them down at Itoshiki's feet.

"Kaga-san!" the sitting teacher stared up at his nerve-wrecked student with wide eyes. "You've done it! You've struggled free from the grip of darkness! Congratulations! Out of all of your peers, I never thought your weak willed spirit could perform such prowesses, but I'm glad, for once, to be proven wrong again in my pathetic suppositi-"

He was cut short by Ai emptying the contents of her bucket all over him. Itoshiki shuddered, seeing himself covered by blood from head to toes. "Wha-What in the name of Poe and King is this?-! Is this actual human blood?-!"

Ai nodded gravelly. "Sorry to break it to you, but yes... The Master said it was taken from many of her innocent victims! Sorry to involve you into this, the original plan was to spill it on Negi-sensei, but I'm so incompetent, and I allowed him to escape, because I'm so useless, such a failure in life..."

"Human blood!" Itoshiki stared at his crimson-stained hands. "What kind of monster is Evangeline Mc Dowell? That inhuman murderess! That fiendish black soul! I shudder to imagine the means she used to amass this amount of the precious element of life! AND WHY DIDN'T SHE TAKE IT FROM _ME_ DARN IT! I COULD HAVE DIED!"

Last Night, at the Mahora Municipal Cattle Slaughterhouse:

Sneaking out the back door protecting her tiny mistress, Chachamaru attempted not to show her doubts about this step of the plan.

"Are you sure Negi-sensei will believe that is actual human blood, Master?"

"Feh, a dolt like him couldn't tell the difference. I'd bet he'll simply faint once he's blanketed by this..." she dipped a finger into the bucketful of red liquid she carried around, then licked it up avidly, "... inferior quality, yet moderately palatable blood..."

"Master, if you drink all of it, our trip here will be in vain..."

"Only a bit more," Eva lapped more of the blood, panting raggedly under her breath like a lustful beast. "Oooohhh, O Positive... Or the adequate bovine equivalent..."

"Master, you have just stained your dress, and blood is rather difficult to wash off..."

"Drat. Maybe I should have brought the overalls instead."

Back to the Present:

"So, all in all, I haven't struck my own friends in an attempt to save you, sorry," Ai bashfully confessed. "Rather, it's simply to have you all for myself. Yes, I know it's horrible selfishness on my part! And betrayal on two different levels! I'm that much of a wayward no-good person! Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

"Now, don't be that hard on yourself," Nozomu began, half moved by her sadness. "Out of all my students, you're one of the few who-"

"SORRY!" she sobbed, whacking his head down with the mop.

"OW! Wait, that's just no way to show you care ab-"

"SORRY!" she repeated, hitting him again.

"OH! My piano lessons!" Despair complained as he felt another part of his brain dying.

"SORRY!" Ai all but wailed, bringing the mop down once more.

"Ahhhh! My memories of 'Gigli'! Wait, could you hit a bit lower next time? I've been wanting to get rid of that awful night watching 'Battlefield Earth' for a while..."

Ai hit him a bit higher instead. "S-sorry! My hand slipped!"

Itoshiki fell on his stomach, barely keeping himself conscious. "It's okay. I didn't need those lessons on hockey anyway..."

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Kaga never stopped apologizing at the top of her lungs while brutally pummeling him, time and time again, until she finally froze in place, her eyes overflowing with tears. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do anything right, I... I..."

She let the mop fall from her trembling hands and fell down to her knees, burying her face in her hands and crying madly. "I'm sorry, Master, but I can't do it...!"

Itoshiki lifted his swollen face up groggily and blurted, "What...?"

"I'm sorry I failed you! I'm sorry I couldn't do this! I'm a horrible slave, can't get anything right at al..."

"What if I had died?-!" Itoshiki angrily rubbed his multiple aching spots up while standing up again, then softened after looking at the pitiful, never wrecked teen. "... Impressive. Your guilt complex is so strong and rampant, it even can override vampire conditioning? It may be insanity, but still, in its own way, a commendable one... plus, you just helped rid me of my memories of Twilight, the Collected Works of Dan Brown, and that time I accidentally walked in on my parents…"

He softly placed his fingers over the bite wounds on her neck, reciting a healing spell with a soft, warm voice. As he did it, Ai felt her mind becoming a bit clearer and better focused... on continuing blaming herself, naturally. But she couldn't voice it at the moment. It simply felt so good, the touch of his tender bony fingers against her skin, the essence of his magic flowing into her. Her heart beat faster, and her soul felt like soaring.

"Ah... Sensei..." she moaned.

"... There," he dryly said after a few minutes of the treatment. "That should get rid of it. Evangeline-sama didn't suck that much of your blood; you won't become either a vampire or a 'ghoul'. Now listen, Kaga-san. The laws of magic say I should erase your memory right here and now, but I won't, because I need you to do me a favor after I heal your classmates as well."

She looked up at him with huge adoring eyes. "What can I do for you, Sensei...?"

"Carry your friends back home, will you? I have more pressing matters to attend to in the meanwhile."

He breathed deeply, trying for once to feel hope, hope for Negi to hold on until he could go help him again.

Of course, he failed at it. He wasn't that kind of hopeful guy at all.

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

**The Bridge:**

Eva felt the stimulating kick of the magical power entering her body as she sucked on with growing thirst, her body starting to react to the influx of energy hitting it in a nearly electrifying way. Her almost always practically dead heart pumped strongly inside of her chest, as her cheeks grew redder, and a tingling itch ran down her belly. That was the taste of success. The thrill of being back on top of everything.

Under her, Negi whimpered rolling his eyes back, languishing with a hot sensation racing over his neck area. It was something he never had felt before, something that made him to feel both weaker and stronger, almost as if suctioning his energies away only to replace them with... something else. Something that made him to pant softly, arching his back, shuddering in Evangeline's arms.

Misa stared in fascinated horror. "... Okay, now that's just wrong. D-Does she do that all the time?"

"Only to victims she really likes," Chachamaru replied with the slightest hint of awkwardness.

"... Whore," Misa muttered. "Damn her for getting it on with Sensei before me!"

"Yes…" Chachamaru murmured quietly.

Then, however, a small blur passed right before their eyes. Fast like a bullet, so fast it hit Evangeline right under an eye, almost tearing it out, before the vampiress knew it was coming or her servant could stop it.

"Ye-ow!" Evangeline let Negi's neck go, blood generously dripping off her mouth. She rubbed the aching fresh mark on her face. "What is the meaning-!"

Then, before she could even finish the sentence, much less lift a barrier up, another blur hit her between the eyes, passing through Chacahamaru's defenses. It was something hard and painful, although not strong enough to make her bleed. Looking down at her feet, Eva saw it was...

"A pebble? How could a pebble hurt me?"

Then another pebble came from nowhere and hit her jawline. And another one, taking her by surprise. And another one. And another. Each one targeting her before she even could start the hand motions to lift a shield.

"Ow! Ow! Dammit! Chachamaru!"

"I'm on it, Master!" The gynoid had already dropped Misa and was actually blocking a veritable furious storm of rocks thrown their way, bombarding them with no pause. She was blocking most of them, but an actual barrage of rapid projectiles was still getting past her, too quick to be stopped, hitting Evangeline, a few of them also colliding against Negi's body. "My sensors indicate these are only normal pebbles, but the kinetic force generated by their unusually high velocity makes them much more harmful than usual!"

"SAVE ME THE ANALYSIS AND JUST GET ME WHOEVER'S DOING THIS!"

Then a larger, black and white blur ran past the robot, zooming with a small boom of the air, leaving something firmly stuck between the joints of her right elbow and snatching a shrieking Misa in mid-run. Evangeline had a momentary respite from the rain of projectiles, but just as she was regaining her full bearings, the blur zoomed past her, grabbing Negi as well and then speeding away at breathtaking speed.

"What the-?-!-? CHACHAMARU!"

"Master, I think I have been..." the robot warily looked at the cross-shaped object stuck into her arm, scanning it with her enhanced sight, until it suddenly exploded, sending her arm flying a few feet away. "Oh. Explosive magical energies just detected in the artifact. Minimal damage," She walked over to her arm and picked it up, reattaching it up. "Full recovery expected in Six Point Seven Minutes. Process starts now."

"YOU DON'T NEED THE ARM TO RUN OR FLY!" Eva growled, running around in search of her attacker. "A cross! Kasuga, no doubt! She must have made a Provisional Alliance with the idiot!"

"Tracking process starting in four, three, two, one seconds. Process starting now," Chachamaru droned. "The biosignatures detected in the area do indeed coincide with those of Kasuga Misora." Her jet feet flared up again. "This way," she guided her Mistress around.

Several streets away, Negi recovered enough of his senses to see himself at an alley with Misa, Chamo and a masked Misora in her Pactio outfit. "Kasuga-san...!" he breathed out. "You came, after all... I'm so happy..."

Misa looked at the other girl in disbelief. "Misora-chan? You were that thing that took me away in a blink?"

"Misora?" Misora looked aside nervously, badly altering her voice. "You must be mistaken, fair citizen! I'm not Kasuga Misora, although I hear she's awesome! You can call me THE MYSTERIOUS SISTER, brave defender of the weak and defenseless!"

"... No, you ARE Misora. No one but Misora could be that hammy," Misa said flatly.

"What?-?-!" Misora angrily turned on her. "You little witch, that's how you thank me over saving your life?-!"

"Oh, please, Kasuga, that's enough!" Chisame complained, walking into the alley wearing a silly but very pretty summer dress with a hat, a heart shaped wand in hand. "Sensei, are you all right?"

"Chisame? Is that really you?" Misa gasped. "Why are you dressed like that? What kind of sick fetishist party is everyone having? And why wasn't I invited?"

Chisame glared. "On the other hand, maybe we SHOULD have left you in Eva's hands."

"Oh, yes! The world's gone mad, so naturally I must pay for it for some reason, ain't that right?" Misa angrily barked back. She paused. "And do you know where I can get that in my size? Perhaps in rubber?"

* * *

 

**Act Four:**

Misa watched on as another, smaller and darker skinned young girl in a nun's habit walked in as well, never making a single sound. The little girl looked up and down at her, then whispered, "Now, or later?" at Misora.

"Now or later, what?" the cheerleader frowned.

"Having your memory erased. It's the standard procedure for anyone who learns about magic," Misora said.

"WHAT?-!" Misa yelled, waving her arms protectively over her head. "You're going to tie me down and violate me then take my memories of it away?-!"

"Keep your voice low, you idiot!" Chisame hushed her, kneeling down at Negi's side, checking his neck. "They said nothing of the sort! Kasuga, do something about this!"

"Let me see," the prankster sister knelt down next to her, looking at the bleeding, deep twin marks on her teacher's skin. "Ugh, ugly ones. Worse than mine. It's a miracle you haven't fainted yet, Negi-kun."

Hakase parked her small speedster vehicle at the alley's entrance then, hopping off it without making too much noise. As she walked closer, Misa couldn't help but notice the gigantic metal backpack with long steel limbs she was carrying around, dwarfing her under its bulk. "Good evening, Kakizaki-san," she casually greeted. "Ah, Sensei! It's comforting to verify you are indeed alive and healt-uh-alive. Kasuga-san, did you insert your explosive EXACTLY where I said? Not a single inch lower or higher?"

"Your stupid machine won't lose her arm for good, okay? Rest easy!" Misora mumbled as she crushed a holy wafer between her fingers, spreading it all over the bite marks. "I hope this works. I've never done it before..."

"I'll help," Cocone quietly said, sitting down at the other side of Negi and placing her hands over his neck, Misora doing the same as both of them prayed together in Latin, much to Misa's ever growing puzzlement.

"Uh, why are they-"

"The contamination from the vampire's saliva and its unidentified pathogen agents in contact with Sensei's blood might cause unfortunate secondary effects on his young physical frame," Satomi lectured. "Kasuga-san called it becoming a 'ghoul', since apparently, the full transformation into an actual vampire demands more-"

"Slower! Slower!" Misa demanded. "You mean Evangeline is a vampire for real? I've been sharing a classroom and a public bath with a Twilight refugee? I still was holding on to the hope she was just one of those Goths who like to drink red wine and pretend its blood and stuff like that, like that guy who once asked me on a-"

"Your exciting tales of flirting with half town will have to wait!" Chisame hushed her again. "Once Sensei's able to move, we'll have to escape as fast as we can, and Kasuga can't carry all of us with her. Neither can Hakase's mini-car. Eva must be looking for us as we speak."

"You could move faster without that stupid dress on," Misa suggested.

"Was that a come on?" Chamo chuckled. "As much as I'd like it, this isn't the time to get nau-"

Both Misa and Chisame slammed a foot down on him at the same time.

"I didn't choose to wear this thing!" Chisame managed to scream and whisper at the same time. "I got it from my Pactio with Sensei!"

"What's a Pactio?" Misa asked.

"Basically, it's a transfer of energies that, for lack of a better word, may be labeled as 'magical' through a direct-" Satomi started.

"In few words!" Misa interrupted.

"... You kiss him, you gain magical powers," Hakase said.

"I saw Paris, I saw France, I saw both their underpants…" Chamo sang in daze.

"Sweet," the cheerleader blinked a few times. "Where do I sign?"

"Really, I don't think it'd be such a good-" Satomi doubted.

"I think we're done here," Misora said as she and Cocone helped Negi to stand up. "The bite healing part, at least. He still seems to be under the effect of a weakening spell, and it'll take him a while more to snap out of it."

"Thanks..." He managed to rasp with a slightly stronger voice. "Just a minute more, please... I'm almost there..."

"M-Maybe doing the Pactio with Misa-Sis here won't be a bad idea, after all," Chamo nervously offered. "It won't take any vital energy out of the Bro, and we may need the backup to make a good escape..."

"You sure he isn't still too weak for that?" Chisame scoffed.

"She can do a Pactio with me, too," Cocone piped in passively. "I'm a mage myself, after all."

Misa gave her a perplexed look. "... Thanks, but no thanks. Who are you, by the way?"

"Her name's Cocone," Misora intervened. "But whatever we're going to do, let's do it quick! I just wanna be far away and under lock and key!"

Hakase looked at their teacher. "Sensei?"

He sighed. "I don't know..."

Chisame sighed. "You feel in shape for that?"

"If it helps us to solve this situation, then I can do it," he stood straighter, with a new resolve.

Chisame nodded. "Fine, then."

Chamo started looking in his fur. "GAH! My chalk! I forgot it at home! How could it happen? I never leave home without a chance to wrap my Bro in compromising situations with young women!"

The hacker growled, then reluctantly looked into her cleavage, pulling a long piece of chalk out and tossing it at Chamo. "I managed to find it near your drawer. I figured, if we'd have Kakizaki around, any help could be good against Eva..."

Chamo joyfully sniffed the chalk. "Ahhhhhh! The sweet scent of the valley of the gods!"

Hasegawa's cheeks grew red. "Just get to work, furry clown!"

"Ipso Facto!" Chamo cackled, quickly drawing the circle on the alley's ground. Misa watched in awe how the drawing glowed in the darkness, even as Cocone and Misora guided her into it, with Negi waiting there, standing stiffly.

"Um... I'm so sorry about this..." his face was flushed.

Misa smiled at him, caressing his hair with a hand. "Don't be."

Then she grabbed his face between her hands and quickly pulled his lips into hers.

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

Misa's kiss was very different to those of the other girls.

Negi had heard from her she once had a boyfriend, and while naive, he wasn't stupid; he knew well boyfriends and girlfriends often kissed in the mouth. He'd seen 'Back to the Future' with his cousin, after all. Misa's much more active approach in that area made him almost sure that was the result of her experience. He assumed that was the right way to kiss someone.

Negi had never imagined a kiss done right would involve sneaking your tongue into the other person's mouth. But Kakizaki-san surely knew a lot more on the matter than him. And her warm tongue exploring the insides of his mouth, massaging his gums and wrestling his own tongue down, felt oddly good, in a way the other girls hadn't been able to provide. Clumsily, he started to follow her example, tentatively pushing his tongue ahead to brush against hers. Misa's eyes widened as she felt his tongue pushing hers back, a small moan escaping from the corners of her mouth, her legs vaguely rubbing against each other. Then lack of air finally kicked it, and she had to pull her head back to breathe loudly.

Damn, right when it was getting good...

It was then when she realized two things. One, Chisame, Hakase and Misora were watching them with perplexed expressions and reddish cheeks, and Misora was even covering Cocone's eyes with her hands. Two, the ermine was now holding a card between his paws.

"Heee Heeee... I mean, here's your card, Bro," he handed it over to the boy, who quickly produced a duplicate for Misa. She received it without saying a word, looking at the image of herself portrayed on it. She was wearing an old fashioned, very long skirted navy blue school uniform, smiling while holding a set of glowing long needles between her fingers. Under her picture, there were a couple of lines in Latin.

_Cacizaci Misa_

_Res Severa Est Berum Gaudium_

"Okay, and what do I do with this?" she asked.

Negi opened his mouth to answer, but then he tensed and pulled a small wooden wand out of his right pocket, aiming it at the alley's entrance. "Everyone, beware!" he shouted. As if on cue, Evangeline and Chachamaru walked out of the shadows and into the narrow passage, cutting their way out.

"Heh, heh, heh," the undead mage chuckled. "Brilliant choice for a hiding place; you have just trapped yourselves like rats, Boya. What? Only four of your followers? I'd have liked to face at least ten of them, to have some kind of challenge. God knows I'd love to put Yukihiro in her proper place beneath my stockinged feet..."

"Huh, wouldn't have figured you liked Iincho that way," Misa said.

"I'm here, too," Cocone flatly said, raising a hand up, but Evangeline chose to ignore her altogether.

Chisame stepped in between the new arrivals and Negi, quickly followed by Satomi. "Not a step more, okay?" the hacker said, all the while chastising herself inwardly for her own idiocy.

"Girls, don't-" Negi began.

"The Ministra's work is to protect the Magister, not the other way around," Misora cut him off. "For that purpose, they need to remain before you, acting as your shield! That's our duty as your Partners, Negi-kun!"

Misa pointed a finger at her. "Then why are you BEHIND him?"

The young sister nervously chuckled from her place. "Th-The back needs protection as well!"

Cocone just kicked her to the frontline.

"They are acting hostile towards me, Chachamaru," Eva grinned widely. "According to our agreement, I'm justified in defending myself, don't you think?"

"Well, in truth, I'm not too su-" Chachamaru began.

"Thanks for your support. I knew you wouldn't disappoint me," the blonde nodded, fast. She opened her arms, bats flying and shrieking all around her. "Come forth, childish pawns! Face the wrath of the Queen of the Night, bringer of the Dark Forbidden Knowledge, taker of sweet life's fluid!"

"Mother-!" Misora whimpered.

"Seriously not helping change my mind about your innuendoes, Evangeline-san!" Misa cried.

"KAKIZAKI!" Chisame called out. "You're supposed to be in this, too! Activate the damn Pactio already!"

"How? How? How?" Misa trembled in fear. "Does it work like a Yu-Gi-Oh card? Do I toss it around? Put it in something? Do I need to hit it with a wand and with the power of the Card Mistress? What do I do?"

"Just hold it up and yell 'Adeat'!" Negi said.

"Adeat?" Misa asked. "What in the world is 'Adeat'?"

And then, it happened.

The world seemed to flash all around Misa, and then she felt suddenly chilly. She noticed that would be because all the clothes had just been ripped off her body by an invisible force, but before her shriek of embarrassment (an emotion she had all but forgotten about) could finish, she found herself wearing an exact copy of the uniform she was wearing in the Pactio card.

Complete with what seemed to be long sharp needles made of solidified light between her fingers. "What in the—"

"If you ever get used to it, give me tips," Chisame grunted, standing her ground before shouting, "Pico! Boku! Coco! At my left! Negi, Chiu, Paco, at my right! Nene, above me!"

Her seven electronic mice materialized around her, obeying quickly, surrounding her with the smallest one hovering above her head.

"How cute. Do you intend to repel me with an overdose of pink? Chachamaru!" Eva barked.

"Deploy Barrier! Protecting Mother is our Top Priority!" Nene shouted, as the mice all deployed a barrier made of electric discharges between themselves, just in time to shock Chachamaru and sending her rolling on her feet a few steps back before she could reach Chisame.

"Master, I seem to have been infected by a malicious program generated by that discharge," the robot quietly warned. "I can feel a hacking dummy program attempting to reach into my awareness. Initiating debugging measures."

Chisame gulped, tightening her grip on her scepter. "Guys...?"

"We have a link to her now, but it's tenuous," Boku reported. "The target has started a debugging program. Too fast to keep up with it!"

"Naturally. I make nothing but the best—" Satomi began to nod.

"STOP PATTING YOURSELF IN THE BACK AND HELP ME HERE! THE REST OF YOU, TOO!" Chisame roared.

"... They called you 'Mother'?" Misa still was blinking.

"You named one of them after me?" Cocone asked.

"Satomi-san, you're the brawler! Clear a way out, please!" Negi asked, lifting Hakase's card up. "Sis Mea Pars Per Nonaginta Secundas! Ministra Negii Hakase Satomi!"

"Eh? Huh? What? Me?" Hakase babbled, then feeling a new and abrupt outburst of power flowing through her, making her to feel even more powerful than after activating the Pactio. "Simply fascinating...!"

"LIC LAC LA!" Eva yelled in turn, charging Chachamaru up with magic, making her to finish snapping out of the mice's influence. With renewed energy, the gynoid rushed ahead again, racing past and through the sprites' shield, forcing Chisame to jump aside at the last moment. Before she could reach Negi, however, she found a large metal arm blocking her path, catching her right arm in a grip hold.

The robot stared at Satomi as if it was the first time she ever saw her. "Hakase-san...?"

Satomi clenched her teeth, sweating under her creation's perplexed glare. Perplexed? Had Chachamaru actually found her physical defense of Negi surprising after everything that had happened?

Well, Chachamaru DID know her well, after all. She couldn't blame her for being shocked.

She barely could believe it herself.

* * *

 

**Act Six:**

"Why, Hakase-san?" Chachamaru finally asked, softly, but with a slightly pressing, urgent, tingle in her even voice. "Why do you do this? You must know, even with your added abilities, you cannot compare to the stats you gifted me with." She pressed her arm down, making Satomi to back away a bit, causing her to clench her teeth even as she stubbornly remained still. "You never were one for futile attempts or doomed efforts. You always have believed on following the most logical course of action, so why this sudden change in your behavioral patterns?"

"Since... when do you ask the questions?" Hakase struggled to push her back, inch by inch. "I'm the one in charge of your evaluations, not the other way around!"

"I apologize," Chachamaru humbly said.

"She can't do it alone!" Misa gasped. "Negi-kun, can't you do something?"

"Most attack spells are dangerous in such a tight space," Negi kept his voice low while carefully observing the quiet, aloofly watching Evangeline. "If either of us starts using them here, we might hurt all of you. Your Artifact is still untested, so it could be dangerous as well. Chisame-san, isn't there anything else you can do now?"

Chisame held her scepter up, trying to run a scan of the area with it. "With this blackout, there isn't any active electric appliances around, other than Hakase's Artifact and Chachamaru herself. Nothing I can hack onto and manipulate."

"I see," he nodded. "Misora-san?"

"Not a lot of space to run around in this alley, Negi-kun," the Mysterious Sister gulped. "I might try the 'spin fast to create a hurricane' trick, but that'd hurt the Prof, too."

Cocone twirled a few tiny crosses between her fingers. "If she steps aside for only a moment, I could try this..."

"Hakase-san," the robot finally spoke again in the middle of their standstill. "Please forgive me."

"For what?" the girl with braids asked.

"This," the gynoid sighed before her free hand shot its fist out... literally, like a trick Jack-in-the-Box jumping out of its package... and against Hakase's chin, knocking her back and stunning her. As she did, however, the scientist jerked a huge arm up and mashed it against Chachamaru's face, pushing her back in turn.

"Now or never!" Chisame grabbed Negi by a hand and ran ahead with him, past a momentarily confused Chachamaru. "COCONE-SAN, NOW!"

"Yes," the tiny sister tossed her crosses up in a perfect, accurate arc over the heads of the robot and her creator, aiming straight as Eva. Acting on reflex, the vampire raised a shield around herself to block the exploding charms' impact, keeping her busy long enough for Chisame and Negi to race past her. In a blink of an eye, Cocone jumped on Misora's back, clutching on like a koala, while the older girl sped by, grabbing Misa and the groggy Satomi and zooming past as well, almost immediately catching up to her friends.

"You had this planned?" Misa asked as she held back her urge to barf. She felt like a rag doll being dragged away by a typhoon.

"We've lived fearing this for weeks! Of course we planned what to do in a case like this!" Chisame grunted. "Well, not including the little girl, but…"

"The speedster..." Hakase blinked sleepily. "We might..."

"No time to grab it and turn it on!" Chisame yelled, struggling to keep up with Misora's pace despite the fact the runner had slowed down a lot to not leave them in the dust. "Sensei, your staff?"

"Eva-san tossed it into the river!" Negi explained. "I could call it back, but I'd need time to concentrate on it!"

Evangeline had turned her shield back down and was preparing another spell. "Running away so soon, cowards? Sagitta Magica, Series Glacialis!"

Several arrow-shaped chunks of ice materialized in midair around her, then zoomed up in pursuit of Negi.

"Wow!" the boy waved his wand around. "S-Sagitta Magica, Series Fulguralis!" An identical group of arrow projectiles, but made of electrical energy, appeared on Negi's command, blocking the frozen ones and destroying them.

"Crap, Kakizaki, you do something, too!" Misora complained. "Either you pay your fare or you get off my bus!"

"What am I supposed to do?" Misa replied. "The only things I have are these goofy-ass glowing needles!"

"Well, knit Eva a sweater, then!" Hasegawa growled. "TOSS 'EM AT HER, YOU BIMBO!"

"HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BIMBO!-? I GET BETTER GRADES THAN NUN-FETISHIST HERE! BESIDES, WHAT IF I KILL EVANGELINE?"

Then she saw Eva flying after them, closely followed by Chachamaru, and gasped aloud. "On the other hand, I don't think she'll die that easily!"

"Aim for the shoulders!" Negi instructed.

"I'll try..." Kakizaki swallowed before trying to aim, then tossing the needles at Evangeline. With a dry laugh, the tiny blonde projected another barrier before her while flying, but for some reason, the needles just filtered themselves through the magical forcefield, three of them hitting their target into a shocked Eva's right shoulder.

"Master!" Chachamaru closed on her. "Are you okay?"

"What?-!" the vampiress blinked, biting her lower lip in pain. "Impossible! Nothing can get past that defense! How? How did her piercing needles enter my flesh?"

"She just doesn't stop with the innuendoes, does she?" Misa marveled.

"We can see..." Hakase shook her head to clear it out, "... through the barrier, so that means light can pass through it... Mommy, not this early... Just a bit more of sleep, please..." she still babbled. "Negi-kun, touch me there…uh, not in front of my mom, Sakurako…"

As the furious chase continued, a lonely figure left behind at the alley sobbed to itself.

"They all just forgot about me..." Chamo lamented.

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

"Where to now? Where to now?-!" Misora demanded to know, as they basically ran along the deserted campus streets, without her having the slightest idea of exactly where was Negi leading them to.

"We should get back home! Then we barricade ourselves in... wait for dawn..." Chisame's teeth clattered.

"But that always gets people killed in horror movies!" Misa warned.

"They'd catch us before we get there. To the bridge! It's closer, and its other end is out of Eva-san's reach,"Negi asked. "Plus, I can call on my staff from there..."

"I suppose we always can jump out and drown too, in the worst case scenario..." Hasegawa sighed.

Misa gave her a funny look. "You know, it's only just occurred to me, but… Hasegawa, are you and Itoshiki-sensei related?"

"HELL NO!"

Trailing behind them, the cause of their woes shivered after pulling the needles out of her flesh, never stopping her flight.

Chachamaru looked at her with concern. "Master, do you still desire to continue this? You should get that healed... We always can try again next full moon..."

The blonde shook her head stubbornly. "No... Hee... No, no! Hee. Hee hee! I'm, I'm going to end this tonight. No more waiting. No more compromises. Hee hee!"

The robot noticed the cause of her shaky laughter while scanning her with her even gaze. "Master, I believe Kakizaki-san's Artifact has contaminated you with some kind of radiation..."

"Something... hee hee... serious?"

"Positive energy."

"Crap. Heh heh. Always hah-hated light magic."

The Negi Party was reaching the bridge again when their way was blocked by a huge wall of thick ice rising from the ground before them. "I knew it was a bad idea, coming back here!" Misa panicked.

"I'm sorry I brought you here, Cocone-chan!" Misora cried, hugging her friend tearfully. "Before we die... I have something I must tell you! I... I was the one who ate your cake last week!"

"... I know. We live alone, after all," the little girl deadpanned. "I'm the one who's been reading your dirty magazines, by the way."

"What?-! That was you? How could I not realize?"

"Beats me. We live alone, remember."

"Running out of... heh heh... ideas, Boyo?" Evangeline landed behind them, with Chachamaru following suit gracefully. "Hee hee.. Hah.. Ha ha! Trapped between a rock and a hard place! See, it's funny... because there's no rock... Heh heh... but... Oh, funk. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU CRETINS DO TO ME!" she exploded.

Chisame looked at Misa. "What in the world did you have in those needles?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," the cheerleader sighed. "At least she's not making innuendoes anymore…"

"Well, the sentence in your card can be translated as 'True Joy is a Serious Thing'," Negi lectured. "Maybe your Artifact is not only related to light as an element, but also—"

"Is light technically an element at all?" Chisame doubted. "What's your opinion, Hakase?"

Eva stomped a foot down, managing to wrestle her giggling fits down. "ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISHNESS! I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU! I'm going to—"

Then a few thick black tendrils of concentrated dark matter jumped up from the ground, latching onto her and Chachamaru, tightly squeezing their arms and bodies. "Hey! Wait a moment... This inferior construction... this substandard craftsmanship…This low quality feeling of dread and misery emanating from it... Oh, not you again, Despair."

"Indeed, me!" a theatrical male voice yelled loudly from above. Negi and the girls looked up to see Itoshiki Nozomu standing at a thick branch of a nearby sakura, extending a hand ahead, thin swirls of the same black matter rotating between his fingers. "I'm amazed I actually arrived in time to help you, Negi-sensei! My one chance to be successful this lifetime, and I waste it on a timely rescue and not a suicide attempt! I hate my life!"

"Despair-sensei?" Chisame blinked a few times.

"Sensei, you're okay!" Negi breathed in relief.

"I'm never 'okay',"the man sighed languidly."But if you mean I'm not dead yet, yes, sadly, that is absolutely true."

"Ah, yes,"Misa casually pointed at him. "That guy's a mage too."

"I'm your teacher, too!" Nozomu screamed. "Show me some respect! Don't call me 'that guy'!"

Then the branch he was standing on snapped. With a short yelp, the man fell down face-first, twisting his neck upon hitting the ground. There was a sickening snap of broken bones, and all color left the faces of Negi and his allies, even Cocone's. Only Eva and Chachamaru remained stonefaced, but silence still reigned for a few awkward moments, until Itoshiki sprang back to his feet as if nothing had happened.

"... Sorry about that," he blushed, looking aside. "As Negi-sensei should remember, I'm effectively impossible to kill, much to my unending grief. We met when I was attempting to hang myself for the umpteenth time..."

Chisame was pulling her hair out of its roots, or at least making a spirited attempt. "You'll love Mahora, Mom said! Mahora is the best school Japanese money can pay, she said! Why, Mother? Why did you lie so badly?-! Why didn't you send me to Ohtori Academy like Utena-san next door suggested? Ohtori couldn't possibly be as messed up as this place!"

* * *

 

**Act Eight:**

"Anyway..." Itoshiki sighed, giving a few tired steps towards Evangeline, "The Dean will definitely hear about this, Evangeline-san. I'll personally vote for strict measures to be taken against you over this. You have gone too far this time! This means loss of Satellite TV privileges!"

The small blonde chuckled. "Upset over your pea-brained students, or about the boy, Despair?"

"About the rules. Personal sympathies mean nothing to me," he declared. "Such emotional links are nothing but mirages, pale delusions that ultimately amount to nothing. The only constant is despair, death and taxes! And I don't even get death!"

She smirked with an evil glint in her eyes. "Finally something we can agree on."

Next to her, Chachamaru stiffened. "Master, the program of Magi-Dissolution is ready, downloading. Completion expected in seven point nine seconds. My apologies, Negi-sensei."

"What?" the boy asked.

"What do you mean, patchwork aberration-san?" Nozomu scowled.

"Hey!" Hakase protested. "Chachamaru is a piece of state of the art, cutting edge, master piece of perfect genius! How dare you call her 'patchwork'!"

"Hakase, SO NOT THE TIME!" Chisame said.

Several small metallic protuberances sprouted from Chachamaru's long 'ears', producing small discharges that ran through her and all over the living darkness summoned by Itoshiki, quickly shocking it enough to dissolve it into a slimy puddle drooping down at her and Eva's feet.

"Ahhhhh, Program 2, 698..." Hakase sheepishly scratched her chin. "I'd forgotten about that...!"

"I'll have your scientific license revoked!" the older teacher threatened her.

"Hopeless fools!" Evangeline laughed. "Did you think I wouldn't come prepared for such a basic trap? You disappoint me! Your weak, flaccid magic is no match for my maturity and experience!"

"Damn, you it was too good to last," Misa grumbled.

"If I disappoint you, it's your own fault for putting your hopes on me!" Itoshiki countered.

"It won't happen again, believe me," the immortal bloodsucker promised before waving a hand around and sending him flying several feet back amidst a storm of ice fragments.

"Itoshiki-sensei!" Negi exclaimed.

"This isn't his fight, but yours," Eva gave a step ahead. "Your stubborn endurance almost impresses me, Boya, but you'll have to prove you're more than that. Forget I'm your student and give me your best!" she challenged. "I want you to push yourself to your limits, Negi Springfield!"

"I... I'll do it!" he firmly promised.

Chisame stood at his side. "We'll do it."

The petite vampire shrugged. "As you wish. Your numbers will make no difference. Chachamaru, handle the others! This is the final act of this overdrawn melodrama!"

"Wait, I can't fight anymore!" Misa protested. "I have no more needles left!"

"Just wish for more," Negi calmly told her.

"Just wish for more? Yeah, like that will—" Misa stopped herself when she saw more needles had appeared between her fingers just by thinking about it. "Huh. Magic is so weird."

"I know her weak points," Hakase reluctantly whispered while stepping next to her. "Just aim at exactly any points I tell you. Understood?"

"Y-Yeah, sure," the cheerleader agreed.

"Ganging up on a classmate?" Misora chuckled shakily. "Nah, I don't think that's fair! So why don't we leave it for another—"

Before she could react, Chachamaru's rocket punch shot itself again and socked her across the face, sending her down.

"... Sorry, Kasuga-san," the gynoid softly said.

"Superspeed isn't worth anything if you do nothing with it but goofing off,"Cocone summed up, looking down at her fallen friend.

"... I think I'll stay unconscious for a few minutes, if you don't mind,"Misora weakly gurgled.

"I always wanted to do that," Chisame said unrepentantly.

"Hakase-san," Chachamaru said, still in place. "I have no desire to fight you."

"Neither do I," her creator replied.

"Then, just stay there until Master has finished, please," the robot lowered her head. "That's the only request I have for you. I'll understand if you wish to terminate our relationship afterwards, but please, just allow the Master to be happy."

"What about Negi-kun's right to be happy?" Misa countered. "Isn't that worth anything to you?"

"It's worth a lot," Chachamaru didn't hesitate. "However, Master Evangeline has suffered for fifteen torturous years of unwarranted captivity. I wouldn't be helping her if I didn't believe she truly deserves her freedom."

"Yeah, well, you're dead wrong!" Kakizaki snapped. "How can you think that witch is more deserving happiness than Negi-kun? And what captivity are you talking about?"

"To her, Mahora is like a jail," the robot explained. "She once roamed the whole world; now she is confined to this small space. Not only is she trapped in a body unfitting her actual age, but she's also a prisoner beyond the time her jailer promised her to suffer through. She has been cheated by life ever since she can remember."

"That's no excuse for taking it out on Negi-sensei," Hakase pointed out.

"I'm sorry Sensei has to suffer," the gynoid lamented. "It embarrasses me to take a part on his pain, but given the only other option is to allow Master's continued suffering, I have no alternative."

Satomi pouted. "Interesting. I never expected you'd be able to take your own serious, transcendental decisions so early in your vital process. I'm very interested in such a prodigious development. However, I also have taken my own life altering decision lately..." she assumed a clumsy fighting stance she once had seen Chao pulling, "And I chose to help Negi-sensei no matter what!"

Misa looked at her with wide eyes. "Prof!"

"What?" Satomi said.

"You like Negi-kun, too!"

The scientist's cheeks flared bright red. "What? What? Don't misinterpret my statements, Kakizaki-san! My interest on his wellbeing is a purely friendly one! And I have had no disturbingly vivid dreams involving him and whipped cream, ever!"

"Sure..." Misa said.

Chachamaru smiled shyly. "I'm glad to see... You might finally have found what you were lacking, Hakase-san." Her gaze hardened back. "However, my own resolve still stands, as well."

She dashed ahead preparing a punch, one Hakase barely could stop in time with one of her giant arms. Again, they stood in a standstill, pushing back against each other.

"Hakase-san..." Karakuri almost begged, "Please, don't force me to do this..."

"No one can force you... to do anything you don't want, Chachamaru. Remember?" Her creator gritted her teeth in visible effort.

"I used to think so. However, I've learned otherwise. The human world is complex. Many forces compel us to do things we'd prefer not to."

"Prof, Prof!" Misa ran around them looking for a good place to strike at. "Where do I nail her? I mean, where do I poke her? No, that sounded wrong, too... damn, Eva's innuendo is rubbing off on me..."

Hakase sweated under Chachamaru's soft, yet also steel hardened gaze, cold sweat running down her face. She didn't want her to be hurt. She was her treasure. Her most valued creation. Her crowning achievement. She couldn't say the words.

Her daughter.

"Prof!" Misa almost wailed.

"I'd do anything to protect my most dear person, Hakase-san," Chachamaru whispered. "Would you?"

Misa blinked, then gasped. "Of course! Why didn't I see it! Chachamaru and Evangeline are in a romantic relationship!"

"I don't think they're listening," Cocone said as she knelt by Misora's head.

Hakase thought of Negi-sensei. With a deep breath, she pushed Chachamaru back and down with all of her strength, pinning her down against the ground. "The optical sensors!" she screamed while trying to keep her still as best as she could.

"What?" Misa asked.

"THE EYES!" Satomi yelled.

Chachamaru tried to head-butt the girl over her to push her off herself, but she found a small paper charm with Latin written all over it suddenly slapped against her forehead, keeping her head down. Cocone had just approached, more paper wards between her fingers. "Now," the small girl instructed.

Misa nodded with panic, drew in as much air as she could, and then swung several needles down into Chachamaru's eyesockets.

* * *

 

**Act Nine:**

Evangeline floated a few feet over the ground, hovering above Negi with an indolent expression. "I might just fly beyond your reach and finish you from there, Boya, but I promised you a fight, and that's what I'll give you. Although I doubt you can keep my pace anyway."

He frowned, slowly moving his wand in circles, walking around so his body shielded Chisame's as best as it could. "Don't treat me like that, please. I'm not going to lose, but I don't want it to be because of your pity."

"Then," Eva smirked, "You won't have any of it. LIC LALA LAC! UNDETRIGINTA SPIRITUS OBSCURI!"

Twenty nine ghostly shapes made of icy darkness sprouted from her fingers, swirling around before flying ahead towards Negi. Muttering a curse about her own idiocy, Chisame aimed at them with her scepter and blasted a few, straining herself to feel the power coming out of her. "Sensei, I'll give you cover fire, but you'll have to do most of it! I'm not used to this yet..." She lowered her voice a lot, "...Sorry..."

He nodded as he shouted, "Rastel Mascir Magister... Undetriginta Spiritus Lucis!" Instantly, he produced twenty nine similar luminous figures which took care of the remaining darkness constructs, but were easily dispelled by Evangeline flying higher and casting a rainstorm of dark arrows on them.

"SAGITTA MAGICA, SERIES OBSCURI!"

"SAGITTA MAGICA, SERIES LUCIS!" Negi countered with his own similar light spell.

"This is insane!" Chisame exclaimed, dashing after Negi just keep up with his pace. "At this rate, you'll destroy the damn bridge soon! We'll be sued out of all we have!"

"Don't steal my students' catchphrases!" Itoshiki had pulled himself back into the fray... more or less, limping after Hasegawa while cradling a wounded arm. "Forget that! Negi-sensei may look like he's keeping pace with Evangeline-san, but if you look at it, she's controlling the whole fight, forcing him to react without ever striking first. It's hopeless!"

"What?" the girl gawked, looking back at the situation.

It was true; from above, the undead witch clearly called the shots, dodging everything Negi tossed up at her much easier than he managed to avoid her spells. Negi moved slower and more stiffly, as well; the wound on his leg still hadn't fully healed. By now, Chisame already had seen her own blasts were far more limited in range than Negi's spellwork, but surely, even so, there had to be something she could do.

"No. It can't be hopeless," she told herself. "If only we could know how Eva regained her powers without a full moon... Huh? That's it! Guys, check into Chachamaru's mind again! Learn what Eva did to repower herself and how can we stop it!"

"On it, Mother!" Nene chirped, its eyes glowing.

"The target seems to have dropped her defenses!" Coco confirmed.

"Accessing her memory banks!" Boku said. "Searching for the requested information! Likely data found!"

"The subject Mc Dowell is being empowered by a mass glitch on her power limit seals caused by the current blackout!" Pico informed.

"Most likely, a return of the electrical power would reduce her magic power access back to zero!" Paco concluded.

"Do you mean we gotta wait for the blackout to end? But she'll kill Sensei before that!" Chisame said.

"Unless,"Nozomu cautioned, "you could find an alternate power source for Mahora before that."

"Don't be ridiculous!" she told him. "Where could we find something that stored that much—" Then it dawned on her. "Naturally!"

She started to run away from the scene. "Hasegawa-san!" Itoshiki screamed. "Where are you going?-!"

"I need to help Sensei my own way!" she claimed. "You just hold the fort for me in the meanwhile!"

She hurried ahead, heading straight back to Chachamaru and the others. Their only hope, she was sure of it, was for her crazy plan to actually work.

* * *

 

**Act Ten:**

"We've killed her," Misa babbled while looking down at the inert body with needles poking out of its eyes. "Oh my God, we've killed her! We killed Kenny– er, Chachamaru! I didn't mean to! Wait, you can fix her, can't you? Can't you?"

Kneeling down next to Chachamaru's motionless frame, Hakase's blank face was obscured by several strands of loosened hair falling over it, brushing past down her huge forehead. She said nothing.

"You can't!" Kakizaki whined. "Oh crap, so I killed her after all!"

"This is only a temporary shutdown," Satomi finally explained, in a flat and mechanic tone. "You can't even call it a reset. You've only paralyzed her nervous system. I'd never have allowed a killing blow."

Misa breathed easier. "What a relief!"

Cocone bopped a small fist on her hips. "You're as bad as Misora."

Misa smiled, patting her head. "Thanks for the assist, kid. Hey, I think I've seen you while singing at the choir..." Then she noticed something else. "Prof, are you crying?"

Silently, Satomi rubbed her eyes with the back of a hand. "Just an inadequate emotional response, no doubt moved by the heat of the moment. I'll be fine."

Misa hesitated, eventually moving ahead to place a hand on her right shoulder, her voice shaking a bit. "Look, I know we've never been close buddies or anything, but—"

"Hakase! Hakase!" Chisame came back running, stopping abruptly. "Wait, you killed Chachamaru? And Kasuga's dead, too?"

"NO ONE HAS KILLED ANYONE!" Misa shouted. "And why are you here?-! You should be helping Sensei with THAT!" she pointed at the flying Eva, laughing madly between spells.

Chisame glared at her. "Shouldn't you be too, now you've beaten her?"

"I was about to go there! I just had to catch my breath after almost killing a classmate!"

"Yeah. Whatever,"Chisame shook the horrible newfound concept of having conversations about killing classmates out of her head. "Hakase, can you somehow hook Chachamaru's body up to the Mahora electric system?"

"Why for?" Satomi distrusted instinctively.

"I've learned we can strip Eva of her powers if we end the blackout at once. But to do that, we need a large source of power, and your robot's the only one that could be large enough for it. Didn't you once tell me she worked with like two craptons or something?"

"Enough energy to power a small city up for a whole hour, yes," Hakase nodded. "We're working on ways to reduce her charge needs, but we've done huge advances since her first nuclear energy prototype..."

"Save us the classes!" her roommate said. "Can you actually do it without killing her?"

"Yes, I think I can. Her battery reserves should act as a backup to prevent a complete shutdown. But..." her voice trailed.

"But?" all three other conscious girls chorused.

"I'm... not... inactive yet…" Chachamaru's cracked voice came from below.

The girls froze in shock right before the robot's weakened but still very, very solid right fist projected itself up, hitting Chisame in the mouth and sending her stumbling a few steps back with bleeding gums. Misa and Cocone backed away quickly, as Satomi just stared in a fascinated stupor. "How could you... This is beyond your programmed performance parameters..."

"Protect Master. Help Master. Aid Master," the robot repeated, jerking up to her shaky feet, ripping the needles off her eyes. "Can't fail Master. Won't fail Master. All obstacles to Master's plan must be..."

She stopped, with her voice absently spazzing out before finishing,

"—neutralized."

* * *

 

**Act Eleven:**

Itoshiki Nozomu had never been a fighter. Too physically weak (other than his inhuman damage soak) to begin with, too negative to put a continued effort on training, too unwilling to cause harm upon others. While gifted with the talent of his clan and very well read on magic, he always lacked the motivation to practice extensively. For a while, he had studied hard on support battle spells to become a member of the famed Ala Rubra, but after being turned down he developed a flat out despise for them. Now, as he was doing little more than dodging Evangeline's collateral damage and running wildly around Negi shouting advice play by play, he was starting to (amongst many, many other things) truly regret not continuing that venue of study.

"That's it," he panted. "First chance I get, I'm buying a gun. And NOT just to use on myself!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" the small blonde laughed from above. "How funny! Even working together, you barely can keep up with me!"

Negi panted, his face flushed with the effort. Evangeline-san, was, after all, extraordinarily strong. And yet, his father had defeated her so easily... Was he that far from him? Could he ever hope to reach his level?

"Negi-sensei, don't daydream!" Itoshiki scolded him. "I think she's preparing a final strike!"

No. He wouldn't give up. Even as he saw Eva lifting her hands up to summon her biggest spell of the night yet, he lifted his wand up and planted his feet firmly down.

"Rastel Maskir Magister! Veniant Spiritus Aeriales Fulgurantes!" he shot a barrage of lightning bolt discharges up at her.

"Lic Lac La Lilac!" she countered. "Veniant Spiritus Glaciales Obscurantes!" Creating her own constructs of dark ice, she easily stopped all of Negi's projectiles.

The boy gasped aloud, seeing what he believed his trump card being so quickly denied.

Evangeline actually giggled gleefully, her cheek gaining a brief pinkish hue.

"Cum Fulgurationi Flet Tempestas Austrina!" Never giving up, Negi invoked a stream of wind and lightning at her.

"Cum Obscurationi Flet Tempestas Nivalis!" the witch blasted the incoming spell with a large black swirling snowy hole that swallowed it whole. "Is that your best, Boya? I demand more! I need more! Otherwise I won't be satisfied! NIVIS TEMPESTAS OBSCURANS!"

Negi bravely stood in the middle of the furious snowstorm hammering on him. "JOVIS TEMPESTAS FULGURIENS!" He actually managed to zap her around with his next few large bolts, although apparently with little results.

Itoshiki gave it up and just sat down to write on a small notebook as the whole bridge shook beneath them. "I see I'm utterly useless here. Better start taking ideas on how to improve our local security. How isn't everyone here already, I don't know. Perhaps I should suggest all teacher carry emergency flare guns during blackouts..."

As both of the other mages continued struggling against each other, Negi began to falter again. His thin legs quaked, and his chest rose up and down raggedly. With a ferocious chuckle, Eva redoubled her pressure, sending more snow and ice falling upon him.

Negi felt his face numbing, his lungs being filled by chilly air. It all had been in vain. He and the girls were lost...

The girls...

No! Not yet!

With a final stubborn yell of "I won't run anymore!" he went for broke and poured a much of his power as he could through the wand. Then he felt the icy air tickling his nose madly, so fast and hard he just had to sneeze.

"AT-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What the—?-!-?" Evangeline shouted as she saw a sudden combined gigantic blast of magical raw energy ascending at breakneck speed to engulf her...

Then a huge single light filled all of the nocturnal sky.

When Negi came back to his senses seconds after, he found himself supported onto Nozomu's arms. "E-Eva-san...?" he gurgled. "Is she... Is she...?"

"No way to know yet,"Itoshiki looked up at the giant clouds now covering the sky. "The dramatic and illogical smoke hasn't dissipated yet. It might... You might have..." Then his jaw fell down. And so did Negi's, as his gaze followed that of the adult. "Oh my God!"

As the smoke cleared out, Evangeline still floated over them, singed and bruised, but overall looking not too hurt. However, her clothes... all of them... had not been as lucky to survive the experience.

"I haven't seen anything!" Itoshiki lied, blushing deeply as he looked aside.

"E-E-E-Eva-san!" Negi babbled. "So, um, I, sorry, um, I, didn't mean to, err, forgive me, can I, I mean, I won, right?"

The fully naked Loli vampire made a clenched, horribly forced grin. "Congratulations, Boya. You truly are your father's son..."

"Ummm, thanks, really..."

She abruptly zoomed down for him shrieking madly, "BUT I STILL FIGHT ON!"

"EEEEEKKKK!"

* * *

 

**Act Twelve:**

The girls barely noticed the flashes and the smoke on the sky, all above their heads. What would have been the most eye-catching event of their lives in any other night was now eclipsed by the sight of the twitching, stiffly shaking robot girl rising before them.

"Hakase!" Chisame shouted after wiping the blood off her mouth. "What's wrong with her now? Enemy or not, she never looked this psycho!"

"I think she has suffered minor damage to her information processing core after being hit through her optic sensors and reaching into her nervous synapses," the genius theorized.

"Translation?" Misa asked.

"She only can think at the basest levels of her pre-set urges," Satomi said. "Basically, she can't see any morals beyond those of her most primal desires."

"Shit," Misa cursed.

Hakase nodded. "Pretty much my thoughts, yes..."

"Is she going to try and fuck Negi?" Misa asked.

They all looked at her.

"What? In this class, it's a natural question."

"Master. Kittens. Plan. Enemy. Stop," Chachamaru summed up while rushing ahead, arms outstretched to strike. Only the fact her agility had been hampered by the nerve damage she had sustained kept her from blitzing the humans, allowing them to scatter around before they could be hit.

"Chachamaru, get a hold of yourself!" Hakase grabbed her by an arm, firmly holding her down in an attempt to subdue her. "You never were one for excessive brutality! I'm sure your most basic directives must be of the non-violent variety!"

Using her still free hand, the robot tried to punch her in the head, only to be stopped at the last moment by several of Misa's needles piercing through her fist.

"Listen to her, dammit!" the cheerleader yelled. "Are you so far gone you'd even kill your own creator?"

"Kill? No kill. Asimov's Rules still in databanks. Zero Law excluded. Only stop," her voice briefly cracked. "Stop. No stop Master. You. Kittens."

Chisame held her scepter up, willing for her mice to orbit around Chachamaru's head. "Can you guys help her regain her senses?"

"We certainly can try for you, Mother," Pico replied. "Starting preliminary rapport with target's neural systems. Access granted, all defenses shut down. Downloading info now."

Chachamaru shook her head back. "Ah. No. No. Get. Out," she weakly pleaded. "Kittens."

"Chachamaru, we're trying to help you!" Satomi argued. "Relax and let Chisame fix your mind up, please!"

"Hakase-san, I—" the robot's voice tensed, sounding a bit more focused now. "Please. Don't ask me to. Step Down. I need to. Help Master. With this." She shook again, to continue, now talking faster, "Don't ask me to betray her again. I... I must fight for her to my last. Please understand. I can't let her down. I must help her achieve her happiness."

"Yup, she definitely has a thing for Eva," Misa said, nodding sagely.

Chachamaru attempted to struggle free, but Hakase simply exerted more pressure, clenching her teeth in visible effort. "A happiness built on someone else' misfortune... is one not worth achieving!"

"I have told you, I truly regret Negi-sensei's status as an innocent victim. But there's no other way..." Chachamaru's voice softened.

"Don't say that! Trust me!" Hakase screamed loudly. "I gave you life! I can do anything! I can free Evangeline for you, one way or another, but please, leave Sensei alone!"

The gynoid's eyes made an erratic shock blink. "Hakase-san?"

"If Sensei suffers, I'll suffer too! And Chisame, as well! And Kasuga and Kakizaki, and everyone else!" the scientist vehemently protested, tightening her eyes shut. "So it's not only Sensei's personal pain, because all our hearts are with him! Including yours, Chachamaru!" Her eyes began to water, tears escaping from between her firmly closed eyelids. "I'm right, isn't that true? Forgive me, Chachamaru! I was so stupid, so blinded by my jealousy of Evangeline taking you away from me, I failed to realize how much of a wonderful thing your feelings were! I only wanted a machine, but I got so much more... and I didn't want it! Forgive me, please... but also... don't let me lose Sensei like... I lost you..."

She collapsed, exhausted by the effort, against Chachamaru's chest, burying her face into her chest and crying into it.

"H-Hakase-san..." the robot doubted, pausing for several moments before simply smiling and running a hand through her ebony hair. "It's okay... I should apologize too..."

Slowly, she turned her gaze towards the other, stunned girls. "Hasegawa-san?"

"Y-Yes?" Chisame stammered.

"I overheard your explanation on how could I help Negi-sensei survive this experience," the machine explained. "I believe I have a workable idea on how to do it."

"Really?" the hacker gulped. "You sure you'll want to help us with that?"

"As a favor to her," Chachamaru nodded, still caressing a sobbing Hakase's head. "I owe her everything, after all."

"Okay..." the brown haired girl agreed. "What should I—"

Chachamaru softly put her creator aside, walked to one of the bridge's massive suspending lines, ramming a fist straight into the thick cables that usually kept the bridge lit up at night. She gripped the cables hard, then told Chisame, "Focus your magic up, trying to feel the whole Mahora area in your mind. The Master and Chao-san say that's the key to performing large scale magic. Feel every power line, think of every electric artifact and instrument. Then blast me up with your scepter, without any hesitations. A single blast, as large as you can make it."

"But what if that does—!" Hasegawa started.

"I should be fine. Only a momentary shutdown of my functions. I'll hold on," she promised. "Quickly. The Master is about to finish Sensei off."

Chisame gulped, then nodded grimly. "Okay. Get ready."

Chachamaru closed her eyes, allowing her inner power flux to relax. "Ready to let it go. Your turn."

Chisame took in a lot of breath, obeying Karakuri's instructions. Seeing all of the Mahora she knew in the eye of her mind, wishing for all of its electric systems, for all its terminals and outlets, to be one, and to be one with her, their hidden, blocked power reviving and charging her up, making her feel almost burning inside. She felt the affinity, the connection to each one of them. Even the word itself for it came clearly to her mind. Technopath.

"Forgive me, Chachamaru," she whispered.

And then she allowed all of that power to flow out of the scepter and into the robot girl.

"Let there be light," Cocone's voice quietly commented.

And there was.

* * *

 

**Act Thirteen:**

Negi had never imagined he'd die rammed head first by a nude tiny vampire blonde.

Itoshiki had imagined it at times, but quickly kicked the idea out of his head. He fancied himself a gentleman, after all.

As the enraged Evangeline zoomed down for them at an amazing speed, they stood in awed fear, the usual shtick of images of their lives flashing before their eyes.

Negi saw Anya's smiling face. His sister taking him by the hand. Himself and Chamo being chased by angry villagers with pitchforks asking for their panties. Anya's angry face. A village ravaged between the snow. His father standing tall and proud before him. His kiss with Chisame. The Merdiana Magus warning them Harry Potter spells didn't work in real life. His kiss with Misora. That time he fell into an icy lake and nearly died. His kiss with Satomi. His shock at learning Santa Claus wasn't real. His first meeting with Takamichi. His kiss with Misa. The time he nearly died learning that anti-demon spell.

Nozomu saw himself falling face-first in the mud. His first self-hanging attempt, at kindergarten. His first girlfriend leaving him for his older brother. Kafuka calling him 'Pink Supervisor'. His brief stint selling makeup kits. His time as a captive of Somali pirates. His second girlfriend leaving him for his other older brother. His first encounter with Mesousa-san. His rescue from certain death at Ala Rubra's hands. Jack Rakan giving him a wedgie. His third girlfriend leaving him for his little sister. His daring escape from mad scientists at the Polynesian Islands. The time a train hit him in the face. His sister's birth. His fourth girlfriend leaving him for a lesbian queen.

"It was a good life..." Negi whispered.

"Why did I bother?" Itoshiki wondered.

However, before she could reach them, Evangeline stopped in midair, suddenly shaken by a jolt of large amounts of power leaving her body, manifesting itself as huge crackling streams of ice and darkness flowing out of her and dissipating in the cold air of the night.

She threw her head back and screamed, overtaken by unbearable pain, convulsing madly for a few moments before losing awareness and plummeting down like a rock.

"Mas... ter...!" Chachamaru still twitched weakly from where she was, attempting to reach for her. "Not... good. Too... high... Help..."

Then her eyes went white and she slumped down in place.

"Evangeline-san!" Negi screamed as he ran for her, forgetting even the wound in his leg. He jumped up and out to catch her even as she passed down quickly, heading straight towards the waters below.

"Negi-sensei!" Nozomu still attempted to catch him before he could do it, but he wasn't fast enough.

"SENSEI!" Chisame shrieked, running for him as well. But she knew she couldn't be there in time. She had failed, after all. Failed him. "SENSEI!"

As she fell, Evangeline felt herself softly caressed by the air whooshing around her. It was soothing, actually. Maybe it was better that way after all. She was weak and powerless again, diminutive, pathetic. A little child. Life had cheated her again, so why continue? At least no one but the brats and Despair would know she had died in such a sad way. To everyone else, she'd leave nothing but a legacy of terror, a dark legend to be feared and respected.

A vampire couldn't hope for anything else, after all.

Then she barely saw the boy coming down after her. Had she struck the boy down with herself? She honestly couldn't remember. Her head felt empty and foggy at once. No, the boy was reaching down for her, trying to save her. The idiot. She had been refused salvation long before he was born.

And now he'd waste his life in vain, just for her. What an idiot.

Hadn't she known someone just as idiotic once...?

_"Hey, you okay, kiddo?"_

The man had grabbed her right hand them, right before she could fall into the abyss.

_"You nearly had a nasty fall there!"_

His voice was deep and manly, but his manners were so childish and immature. The exact opposite of the boy.

_"Keep looking for her! She must be somewhere around here!"_

The townsfolk still howled in the distance, asking for her blood. Encouraged by their grief after one loss too many, they had managed to drive her on a run for her life when she was in a weakened state. She had tripped, and if not for the man, she'd have met a final, true death.

_"Who are you? Why have you saved me?"_

_"Are you dumb? You're a child! Why should have I let you die? C'mon, eat this! It's very yummy!"_

She grumpily accepted his sweet potatoes and the fish over the campfire, munching on them with barely disguised hunger. She was sure he only was trying to trick her, to catch her and claim the bounty. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened to her.

But he never tried to deliver her. He even tried to leave her behind after a few weeks.

_"Shouldn't you go back to your Mommy and Daddy? I can't be taking care of any brats!"_

_"You know I have no family. I'm just following my own way. It simply happens to coincide with yours."_

The weeks became months, and he still showed no interest on her. Tempting him with every forbidden allure hadn't worked, something she was unused to. Finally, her despair after exhausting all other options had driven her to stoop herself to show her true feelings.

_"The Master wants you to marry her! Do it, or I'll slice your throat off, bitch!"_

In retrospect, maybe allowing Chachazero to declare her love for her hadn't been her brightest idea.

_"Whoa, I thought you'd have understood by now, Kiddo. I don't like you that way, see? I'm not into flat girlies, sorry. You should try someone else. Preferably far away from me."_

_"Never,"_ she had promised herself. _"Even if I must follow you to the world's end, I'll force you to accept me. We're meant to be together. Sooner or later, you'll realize that."_

But then he had cursed her. Binding her to a mockery of a prison.

_"Bwa ha ha ha! Oh, Kiddo, you look really well in a school uniform! Just too cute for words! Ah ha ha ha!"_

_"Oh my, my! Is she really the Dark Evangel, the fiend with six millions on her head? Certainly hard to believe..."_ Konoe Konoemon rubbed his long white beard thoughtfully. _"But you truly have presented me with a problem, Nagi-san. She's too old for Elementary School, but looks too young for High School. I suppose there's no alternative but leaving her at Middle School and hope the students believe she's a precocious one..."_

 _"I'll kill you both... Drink your whole blood, break your bones, pierce your skulls, rip your useless genitals off..."_ she viciously hissed.

But Nagi only smiled at her.

_"Don't be angry at me, Kiddo. You brought it on yourself. But if you're a good kid and you learn your lessons here, I swear I'll come back and undo your curse, okay?"_

She only pouted. _"Promise?"_

_"On my honor."_

But he never returned.

It hurt even now, as she felt to yet another death, closing her eyes. Her only relief was the pain would end soon.

But for some reason, it was almost a pity the boy would have to die as well. He'd been… nice…

"MEA VIRGA!" she heard, rising above the concerned shouts of her classmates.

And she felt herself grabbed by a wrist and pulled up, quickly gaining height as she opened her eyes again. She looked into the boy's bright eyes, and felt her heart skipping a bit. "What...?"

"Evangeline-san!" he said. "Are you okay?"

Her mouth moved angrily. "Wh-Why have you saved me? I could have killed you! What kind of imbecile are you?" She tightened her hands against her bare chest.

"You're my student, Evangeline-san," he warmly said, pulling the still wet magical staff further down towards the bridge. "I don't need any other reason."

She bit her lower lip, turning her head aside. "What a cretin."

As they landed, he softly put her down, while Itoshiki offered her his hakama shirt to cover herself up. She accepted it with a grunt, hastily pulling it around her torso. Chisame ran to Negi's side, eyes welled up in tears, hitting his head with a fist. "You stupid idiot!" Then she hugged him, pressing him against herself. "What if you had died?-! We'd have been in despair! Your death would have left us in despair!"

"And those are my catchphrases," Nozomu humbly said, being as ignored as usual.

"We did it...?" Misora was groggily saying, coming back to her feet aided by Cocone and approaching them. "Wait. We really are alive? We did it for real? Hell, yeah! We beat the Dark Evangel! We're The Man! We're The Man!"

"Baka," Cocone whispered.

Chachamaru was coming back online as Hakase finished pulling pieces of needles out of her eyes. "Master... Sorry. I..." her voice faltered. "Failed you again..."

"Hush. Hush, please," Satomi told her maternally. "Nothing of this is your fault..."

"You did great, Negi-kun," Misa rubbed his hair and winked an eye at him.

"Indeed," Itoshiki pushed his glasses up his nose before pulling his wooden ruler out again. "Highly courageous. However," he aimed the ruler at the girls, "You have broken one of magic's main taboos! I'm sorry, but I'll have to erase your memories before we all are sentenced to an eternity of erminedom!"

Despite her blurred vision and her current damaged mobility, Chachamaru still managed to be before him in a flash, to grab his thin wrist very strongly. "Don't you dare."

"Sensei!" a tiny voice came from the other side of the bridge, panting and wheezing. "If you want to punish someone, punish me, please! It's all my fault, after all!"

They all looked at the newcomer; Kaga Ai stood with her hands on her knees, hunched over and with her tongue almost hanging out. "Sorry I failed both you, Sensei, and you, Eva-sama! I deserve anything you can do to me!"

"What the blazes?" Evangeline said. "You managed to break through my spell, and keeping your memories of it? How?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't say!" Ai wailed. "I-I just know I couldn't keep doing any harm to Sensei, so I broke down like the useless thing I am! Then I saw the lights at the distance, and I guessed you'd be here, so I came to apologize!"

"Where are your classmates, Kaga-san?" Itoshiki asked her.

"Ummm... Like you said, I left them at a safe place... One where no one will think of looking for them to hurt them..."

Cocone approached her, touched her, and blinked. "You left them at a trash dump."

Ai cried again. "They were too heavy for me to drag them all the way up! It's the dump right outside our dorm!"

Nozomu sighed. "It's good you're here, in any case. So I can erase your memory too..."

Negi stepped between him and the girls, extending his arms and shielding them all. "You'll have to erase my memory first!"

"Negi-kun...!" Misa breathed.

Itoshiki glared at him. "Is this a conscious challenge to the Academy's regulations, Negi-sensei? This could have quite serious consequences for you..."

Without saying a single word, the boy still stood against him, glaring back with intensity.

Feeling not only his eyes, but those of all the girls, from Evangeline's sharp and cold ones to Kaga's confused and fearful ones, so squarely fixed on him, the older teacher finally sighed and pocketed his ruler back. "I know I'll regret this."

"I can sympathize," Chisame honestly offered.

"Thank you for your undeserved vote of confidence!" Ai fell to her knees before them all. "I swear on my life I won't ever reveal your dark, horrible secret to the unaware masses you no doubt are preparing to sacrifice to the foul beasts of the pit in a naked orgy of lewd and immoral acts!"

Misa perked up. "Lewd and immoral acts, huh? Do we really do those things at this business?"

"What's the deal with her?" Chisame asked.

"Long story. I'll tell you later," the cheerleader promised.

"Hm, hm, hm. Dolts, all of you," Evangeline said, finally regaining her habitual aloofness. "Chachamaru! As for you, to make up for your unforgivable new failure, you'll have to repay me with decades, no, _centuries_ of the most abject servitude!"

"So no change then?" Nozomu asked.

Chachamaru looked hopeful. "Does that mean you aren't going to dismiss me, Master?"

"Dismiss you? HAH! That'd be too merciful to you! Your ass is mine, Chachamaru!" The undead mage closed a fist up. "And I'm going to make sure you work the hell out of it! Your ass is going to be so sore you'll never be able to sit down again!"

"Can't you pronounce two sentences without saying anything that won't be grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit?" Misa wondered.

"Thank you so very much, Master," the robot softly smiled.

Negi, meanwhile, was chuckling softly, pulling his roster-book out and writing 'WE BEAT HER!' under Eva's picture. "Anyway, Evangeline-san, now you'll stop attacking people at night, won't you? And you won't skip any more classes, either... You'll study hard so you can graduate along with everyone else!"

Evangeline's dangerous smirk returned. "We'll see about that. But remember this, and remember it well, Boya. Watch your back. Because I'm far from being the only powerful enemy your father made, and they'll be gunning for you right like I was. You might not be so lucky next time." She turned to his Ministra. "As for the lot of you, I'd suggest pondering your future choices while you still have them. Tonight, you put on a pathetic, sad showing of poor, uncoordinated skills. If you really want to be Ministra Magi, you'll have to try better than that. If not, just quit right now. You've been warned. That's something the Mistress of Darkness does for almost no one." Her fierce green eyes sparkled threateningly.

Chisame looked stunned for a few moments at such grim words, until she noticed Negi staring up at her. "Talking about that, Chisame-san, whatever happened to your mouth?" He worriedly reached up, putting a hand on a cheek of his first Ministra. "Does it hurt?"

"Oh, this? It's nothing, really!" Chisame said while crouching down to give him a better view of her gums. "Chachamaru only grazed me with a fist. It doesn't even hurt anymore!"

"Are you sure about that, Hasegawa Chisame?" Evangeline chuckled callously, then grabbed Negi and Chisame's heads and pushed them against each other, making their lips to crash in a rough kiss. "Let's see about that!"

Negi's eyes widened just as Chisame's ones watered up with sudden tears of sharp pain.

At that moment, Chamo finally arrived the scene, bathed in sweat and dragging himself on. "Path too long... Legs too short..." Then he brightened. "Oh, Bro! I see you all decided to skip the pointless fight and just start a wild party! Way to go! I'll get the video camera, whipped cream and lubricant"

"KYAAAAA!" Chisame jerked her head back. "THAT HURT!"

As Misora and Misa began to tease her mercilessly, Negi seemed vacant and mesmerized for a moment, while absently swallowing the few drops of the blood from Chisame's gums, rolling them into his tongue, finding its taste so wonderfully sweet. If he had been more aware of himself, he'd have noticed, at the same time, a brief tingle at the spot of his neck where Eva had bitten him. But the strange sensation went as quick as it had come, and he paid it no actual attention.

Standing at the rooftop of a nearly building, a long haired young woman in a tight black leather suit lowered her binoculars and pulled a cellphone out. "Chao? It's Kuga. It's all over now. Like you predicted, they managed to beat Evangeline without needing my intervention. However, looks like Kakizaki Misa and Kaga Ai from 2-F have learned about the kid's secret, too."

There was a soft, subdued giggle at the other end of the line. "Hee hee. Is that so? Very, very interesting. This game's shaping up to be very intriguing, neh...?"

Meanwhile, at the dorm she shared with Konoka, Kagurazaka Asuna was staring through her window, at the distant bridge now covered by lights once more.

"Kagurazaka-san?" Setsuna, their guest for the night, lifted her head from the futon on the floor she had insisted on sleeping on despite Konoka's protests. "Why are you still awake?"

"The lights returned sooner than scheduled," Asuna quietly mused. "Weird, huh? And I could swear I saw some strange flashes all over the bridge. I know it's a dumb thing to say, but..." her voice briefly sounded tinted by heartfelt nostalgia, "Somehow, for some reason, I felt I should have been there..."

Very early the next morning, it was a pummeled and bruised Itoshiki who stood at the front of Class 2-F, getting ready to start his Classic Literature lessons of the day.

"Good morning, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof, class," he started. "Don't ask about the bandages; I only had an accident with a can opener and a pit bull. Today, we'll be studying the works of Ishihara Sentarou before he went, for lack of a better term, batshit crazy..."

As usual, most of the class wasn't paying much attention. Harumi had started to draw hardcore Yaoi again, Abiru was contemplating the teacher's bandages and comparing them to her own, and Meru happily munched on the piece of cake Kafuka had brought her. Chiri, meanwhile, angrily muttered from her seat, rubbing her still aching head. "I still have no idea why did we wake up at a trash dump, dressed like French maids, and with Kafuka-san's bare breasts on my face..."

"I'm sure it must have been a wonderful night...!" Kafuka dreamily sighed. Her classmates raised their eyebrows, looking between her and Chiri.

Nami glared at Kaga again. "You still sure you don't know what happened, Ai-chan?"

But for once, Kaga was too busy lovingly looking at the front of the class to notice, or even apologize.

Meanwhile, at 2-A, Ayaka was scandalized. And that's an understatement. And saying that was an understatement was an understatement, too.

"N-N-Negi-sensei?-!-? Why in the world are you limping, Hasegawa-san has a swollen mouth, Kasuga-san has a black eye, and Hakase-san has been repairing Karakuri-san all morning long?"

"Well..." he awkwardly began, "You'll see, while we were all walking together in the dark, we happened to fall down some stairs..."

Nodoka blinked. "Stairs, Sensei?"

"Very tall stairs," he nodded.

In what was becoming a recurring tic for her, Chisame buried her face between her hands.

Madoka gave Misa a level glare. The other cheerleader smiled brightly and tried not to squirm. "So these _aren't_ defensive wounds caused by you trying to force yourself on Negi-sensei during your date yesterday?" Madoka said.

Itoshiki's class and tangent into a strange topic that included a list containing: a red marble; Superman's dressing habits; Ayanagi Ran's artwork; the overuse of seafood sexual metaphors in Nasu-verse works; whether Geoff Johns was better than Grant Morison; the upcoming Harry Potter Movie; and whether Supergirl and Batgirl were lesbians, was interrupted by all the windows breaking at Ayaka's super-powered shriek of " _ **WHAT?-! MISA WENT ON A DATE WITH NEGI-SENSEI AND ENDED UP NOT GOING TO HER ROOM THAT NIGHT?-!**_ "

"He really should have just let me erase their memories," Nozomu sighed.

Back at 2-A, Chisame blinked. "Wait… Iincho knows Chachamaru is a robot?"

* * *

 

 **NEXT:** Sayo's Soul Society.


	20. Lesson 17: Sayo's Soul Society

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. On a related note, is anyone else just plain angry at the recent pointless turns the manga plot has taken just so we can have the angst and angst of the team being stomped until either they lose because True Art Is Angsty or a plot device miracle saves them? Because I am.

 _S_ _ayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

 _Bleach_ and all its characters belong to Kubo Tite.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A huge, huge, huge, huge, and I mean huge, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for helping to correct this chapter too, as well as adding more lines and jokes. And once again, yep, you'll recognize them because they are the good ones. For instance, before the revisions, I didn't have any single Twilight gag!

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. I mean it. Would I ever lie to you?

Remember to review, Pretty Please! I mean, I only had a single review (thanks, Hellsender!) last time, after three weeks and more than 15,000 words of hard work… That stings, for Pete's sake.

Also, before we go: Originally I also had intended to include a Kazumi-centered segment here, but that will have to wait for a few chapters more due to a story logistics and planning issue.

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON SEVENTEEN.**

 

 

* * *

 

**Prelude:**

_The hills of Wales._

“… And that’s how it all happened,” Negi helpfully finished with the same kind of gentle smile he always had on. He had skipped over a few things, like his Pactios and how he’d had his cover blown several times, and meeting that cute ghost who lived (for lack of a better word) in the classroom, but overall, he had told his cousin basically the whole story of his stay in Mahora Academy so far.  “So Chamo is now living with us, and I’ve made a new good friend in Itoshiki-sensei! I love being here, and Chisame-san and Hakase-san are both very nice to me! I hope you can get to meet them soon, Nekane! Say hi to Anya for me, please!”

Sitting under the old oak tree wearing her long black dress, the gorgeous young blonde smiled to herself. Ah, her Negi was all but a man now. With a job of his own, and respected and beloved by his colleagues and pupils.  She folded the letter, making the red haired boy’s magical hologram disappear, and looked up at the clear blue sky.

She missed him so very much, but as long as she knew he was okay and happy, she’d bear his absence for the time being. After all, everything that truly mattered was his happiness.

The only thing that bothered her was how he was keeping secrets from her now, something he’d never do before. She didn’t doubt his word when he said he’d defeated the Dark Evangel, since he was never one to boast, but there was no way he could have done that alone. Or even with Itoshiki’s help. She remembered Uncle Nagi’s stories about him, after all.

She’d have to write a letter to Chamo asking him exactly how many Pactio Partners had he set up for Negi…

* * *

 

 **Sayo's Soul Society, Act One** :

 **Prologue** :

Late that night, a lonely, tall figure stood at the top of a lamppost at the middle of Mahora City. A large sheathed sword, enough to make Setsuna's look small, hung from his back. This, unlike Setsuna's, was probably _not_ a highly symbolic Freudian statement. Probably.

His long black sleeves flowed in the chill breeze, as his eyes scanned the urban landscape. Eventually, his gaze settled on the area around the faraway giant tree towering over the Academy grounds.

"Shit..." he whispered to himself. "So she's really in there, after all. Those barriers will weaken me just passing through them..."

He sighed, ruffling a hand through his orange wild hair as the black butterflies fluttered around him.

"I guess there's no point on avoiding it, or I'll never hear the end of it from the old man..."

He skillfully jumped out into the night. He'd need something to pass through the barriers and get her. He'd probably need to grovel before the stupid shopkeeper…

Just what he needed to start the week...

A few calm, unremarkable days followed after that.

They would continue being that way for a blissful short while longer for Negi and his roommates– except for the usual morning incidents of provocatively positioned roommates who weren't on your bed the night before– but for now, let's focus on someone else.

The big, fancy, white-painted house was only a few blocks away from the main entrance to Mahora campus, meaning our guest co-star for this chapter had no need for living in the Academy itself. She didn't even need to take the bus. Only walking a few minutes, then making her way to the main building from the gates. All in all, still a relatively long walk considering the huge size of Mahora, but the girl didn't complain. She considered herself fortunate with her lot in life.

"Onii-sama, I'm going!" She hopped on a foot while squeezing the other one into its shoe, hopping her way to the house's front door. That was part of why she disliked shoes. Her feet had always been so small, it had always been hard to find shoes her size. Leading her to have to settle for shoes for much younger girls, which often were too small even for her, ironically.

"Behave properly and responsibly, Rukia," her older brother's calm, stoic voice came from behind his newspaper, in the same dry and manly monotone he used for every other occasion. He didn't even look at her; only his long, well coifed black hair neatly tied into a yuppie ponytail peeked from behind the pages he had all but buried himself into.

"And you finish your breakfast before it gets cold!" she chided him. "I didn't take the effort to cook it for nothing!"

He only reached out with an elegant hand to quietly grab a cookie shaped like a hideous, deformed cartoon bunny and politely wetted it into his coffee before taking it to his mouth, charmingly but sadistically biting its head off. It silent death screams went unnoticed by all except the dark-robbed Death-Of-Hideous-Deformed-Cartoon-Rabbit-Cookies…

Satisfied with that, the short and thin girl with large dark eyes and short black hair smiled. "Have a good day, Onii-sama!"

"You too, Rukia," he answered, as dry as before, to the point no one but his sister could hope to detect the underlying small degree of fondness in his words.

"Sure thing!" she said before trotting outside at a sedate pace, closing the door behind her.

_My name's Kuchiki Rukia, 16 years old. I study at High School Class 1-C of Mahora Academy. Since my parents died, I've lived under the tutelage of my older brother Byakuya. All in all, I consider myself an average person of my age. Except for a single detail._

_I can see spirits. I would say 'I see dead people', but honestly, I'm afraid of getting sued._

_I'm pretty sure Onii-sama can, too, although he never will admit it, not even to me. But I can see his eyes casually following a ghost whenever it wanders across our way. As if expecting for it to attack at any moment. That's Onii-san's way; he keeps both the living and the dead at arms' length at all times._

_Anyway, I tend to see ghosts at all hours and all places. The mall, the theater, the streets, the restaurants, restrooms… I stopped peeing in public toilets a long time ago. It's pretty unnerving until you get used to it and pretend to ignore them. More often than not they are only vague passing shadows with vague features, floating around repeating the same gestures they made in life, as if trying to latch onto what they once were. Kinda like a hippie uncle who is always trying to get his band back together. Ignore them, and they'll ignore you too. Sadly, this tactic doesn't work on my uncle._

_But in all my time studying at Mahora, I've never, ever had seen a ghost inside of the Academy. At all._

_Until very recently._

_Then I met the girl with the red eyes._

 

* * *

 

It had started with the briefest glimpse while passing by next to 2-A's door on the way to speak with one of the teacher's whose office was in the building about some club thing. There she had caught a passing glimpse of a pale figure going through a wall. If it had happened anywhere but at Mahora, Rukia wouldn't even have blinked. But in all her years of studying there, it was the first time she had seen a ghost on the school grounds. And somehow, it just felt wrong.

Still, he continued walking to her own classroom, trying to push the event out of her mind, only hoping she wouldn't see more spirits at the only place where she was free of them. But after classes, while walking back home, she had seen the girl again, this time sneaking into Classroom 2-F. The same thing happened pretty much every day afterward.

Part of Rukia just wanted to leave the matter alone, but something else told her she maybe should try to contact the ghost and ask her why had she shown up all of a sudden at the school. Decisions, decisions...

She still was lost in such thoughts when she saw the large crowd gathered around a corner barely two blocks away from the Mahora gates. There was a police line, and lots of nervous chatter and muttering. Rukia wouldn't have minded it much (such events, after all, had become rather usual at the city lately, a fact that should probably have made her more nervous, but would only have become obvious after many years, apocalyptic events and hindsight) if not for the fact that corner used to be the manifestation place for a ghost girl who had died there a few years back, hit by a truck. She often greeted Rukia when she passed by, and Rukia would greet back out of pure politeness. Now, however, from what she could peek at between the people, her small, humble memorial had been crushed and destroyed; the walls around it seemed to have been burned and cracked down beyond repair.

"Some kind of hate crime, no doubt..." someone said.

"Too big. Heard some chemical load was spilled here..."

"I heard the government's trying to cover it up, and that this was caused by their secret espers battling the forces of evil!"

"Don't be silly Haruhi, it's probably nothing of the sort. Right, Koizumi-san?"

"Of course, Kyon-kun. It was probably children's card-game playing bikers…."

Rukia cringed, feeling a horrible piercing sensation in her guts. The whole site reeked of evil and death now, in a way she never had experienced before. It unnerved her, as if some sort of sentient shadow had stood before her, chilling her to her bones. Kinda like the times she passed the display of Stephanie Meyer books in the store.

It was then when she noticed a rather petite and thin schoolgirl with a middle school Mahora uniform also looking at the scene with calmed, cold black eyes. She was carrying a large, tubular cloth case on her back, and her skin was pale, her face beautiful but sharp and humorless.

The sight of a fellow student moved Rukia to head back to the school, rushing before she was late. She had a horrible feeling about the ghost girl's safety, something she never had felt for any spirit before, but there was nothing she could do it about it.

Her moody thoughts were suddenly interrupted when, right after stepping into the Campus, she was assaulted by a red haired blur pouncing on her from behind.

"RUKIII-CHAAAAAN!" a high pitched yell shook her ears, as that someone did her best to squeeze the air out of her in a hug that pushed her small breasts up and made some ribs to sound like they were cracking.

"Can't... breathe, you idiot!" She threw an elbow back, hitting her attacker and sending her stumbling back as she gasped for air. "Dammit, Chizuru!"

The bespectacled, short haired redhead currently rubbing her aching butt while sprawled on the ground whined melodramatically. "Owww, that was so mean, Ruki-chan... A simple 'Softer, please' would have sufficed..."

"I don't want it 'softer' either!" Kuchiki snapped as she dusted herself off, as if trying to get all particles of the other girl off herself. "One of these days, I'm going to have enough, and when that happens...!"

The slightly taller girl pouted, looking wounded as a few subtitles reading 'HONSHO CHIZURU-NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH 2-A'S NABA CHIZURU' appeared, floating in midair under her. "You never can have enough of the sweet, feminine love I offer!" she lectured, lifting an index finger up. "Once you go on the Chizuru track, you never can go back!"

Rukia shot her a burning glare. "I'd like to send you back. Back to the zoo."

A much taller, definitely much bustier schoolgirl with long and flowing orange hair tried to laugh as she stepped between them, waving Chizuru's subtitles away while her own appeared reading 'ORIHIME INOUE' atop her head. "C'mon, c'mon, don't start fighting so early! How are you today, Rukia-chan?" she greeted the newcomer with a wide, innocent smile.

"I was fine. Now, I'll tell you when my sides stop hurting," Kuchiki sighed. "Anyway, good morning to you too, Orihime."

The girl with the sword then passed by next to them, walking quickly, never looking at them. Rukia gave her a brief curious look before whispering to her classmates, "I'd like to know something. Who's that girl?"

Chizuru's eyes sparkled devilishly. "I * _knew_ * you'd start seeing things my way, Ruki-chan! Not a bad choice at all, if I may say so! Class 2-A has a lot of cute kouhais to offer, and _just_ messed up in the head enough to go along with anything to boot!"

"Wait, I don't mean-" Rukia started, before Chizuru pulled a thick notebook stuffed with all sorts of clipped extra annotations and photos, flipping through it before settling at a page. "Sakurazaki Setsuna, a prodigy of the Kendo Club! Elegant, dignified, not too academically bright, but gifted with a certain Yamato Nadeshiko charm! And the rumors say she might be playing in the same ballpark as us!" she squealed.

"I don't play the same sports, much less in the same park as you!" Rukia snapped.

Chizuru closed the book solemnly. "Denial is the first step on the often rocky, but always stimulating, road to accepting our true condition."

Rukia hissed, an icy aura floating over her. "I'll show you 'Rocky'... Until you're KOed..."

Inoue made a long suffering face. "Girls, please... We'll be late...!"

"If I'm late, I only ask to be buried with Ruki-chan..." Chizuru teased, purring as she leaned towards the object of her affection.

"Keep doing that, and you'll have to settle with being buried _by_ Ruki-chan," the black haired student growled, veins softly popping on her head.

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

As mentioned several chapters ago, if you excuse this new blatant abuse of the Fourth Wall, Mahora Academy was still a mostly feminine study house. The new needs of the new times had started bringing in male students a few years back, but those still were a notable minority. They were treated by male students from other schools with a mixture of contempt over 'being studying to become girlies' and envy over being surrounded by young women. The former was most likely born from the latter.

1-C, for instance, only had two male pupils on it, much to Chizuru's never-ending relief. The redhead only avoided looking at them as she, Rukia and Orihime left the classroom after the end of classes bell rang, although, much to her annoyance, her friends, just like always, saw fit to stop by to tell them their goodbyes.

"See you tomorrow, Chad-kun," Rukia simply told the gigantic, lumbering dark skinned boy quietly reading a book at the back of the class. He lifted his head up to give her a short respectful nod.

"Have a good evening," his voice was slow and thick, yet serene and kind. His eyes were sleepy and deep, half hidden by his unruly dark hair swooping down over the upper half of his face.

"Good evening to you too, Ishida-kun!" Orihime happily waved at a much smaller, thinner and distant boy sitting at a corner on the opposite side of the classroom. He merely lifted his eyes up from the sewing he was doing for the short, shy looking brown haired girl right before him, barely acknowledging Inoue's existence with a brief nod before going back to sewing on the beaten, ripped teddy bear in his hands. His eyes once again became fully unreadable behind his glasses.

"Oafs," Chizuru muttered while the three of them left the classroom behind.

"Well, I'll admit Ishida's almost impossible to talk to, but Chad-kun's a good boy. Just the extremely silent type," Rukia shrugged casually.

"Neanderthal," Honsho insisted with a little pout.

"Ishida-kun can be scary at times, but he's good person, too," Orihime commented. "He made me the loveliest dress for the Christmas party..."

"I'll admit he has a good eye for the fashions," Chizuru relented, "But then again, you'll look good in anything, Hime... or nothing at all…"

"He's also a great help with homework," Orihime added.

"Not like you really need it, anyway," Rukia told her.

"Ehhhh! I'm not Chao Lingshen!" Inoue said. "I often need help, too! Last term, I had this huge problem with advanced logarithms, and I only passed the final test because he helped me with it..."

"Really? I only did what any good boxer would," Chizuru said.

"What do you mean?" Kuchiki asked her.

"I lost the match, but trained hard to beat the rematch," Honsho replied.

"Wasn't that the test where you cheated with a-" Rukia began.

"Hush! Secrets of the trade! These walls have ears!" Chizuru hastily silenced her. Then they reached the building's front door. "Hey, Ruki-chan, what if you call your brother and tell him you'll be spending the night with us?"

Rukia grimaced, expecting the usual routine to ensue. "No, thanks. To be frank, I have other things to do."

"But we can rent movies and have intense friendly, not physical at all, close bonding all night long!" Chizuru promised.

"No," Rukia still said.

"I promise I won't get naked this time!" the redhead added.

"That's what you promise every time!"

Orihime laughed bashfully. "Never mind, Rukia-chan. Just have fun doing whatever you're going to do..."

"Oh, it isn't a 'fun' thing to do. Just... helping someone dealing with some unfinished business. That's all," she informed, beginning to walk away. "See you tomorrow, guys."

"Bye Bye!" Inoue said in perfect Engrish.

Chizuru made a defeated face. "I really wasn't going to strip this time..." Then her eyes glinted, and she grabbed her tall friend by an arm. "You, on the other hand, will always be with me, won't you, Hime?"

"Ummm, I course I will, Chizuru-chan..."

"Great! So you'll come to my room tonight so we can, um, chat and stuff?"

"We do live together, after all, Chizuru-chan..." the taller girl laughed while sweating.

"And thank God for that! Shall we get going?" she started to drag her away. "Say, I haven't shown you my newest camisoles yet, have I?"

As she prudently waited behind a tree for her friends to retreat, Rukia *still* couldn't help but feel guilty about leaving Orihime with Chizuru. What Inoue needed was a bodyguard. Maybe a karateka one. But honestly, that was silly. Who in that school had a bodyguard?

_Some ways away, Konoka, Negi and Evangeline sneezed._

Still, unfortunate as that was, she really had other things to do.

 

* * *

 

Sneaking back into the Middle School building, Kuchiki headed straight for Classroom 2-A. There was no one there; the boy teacher she'd heard about and all his students had already left.

That only really left her with one option, other than leaving altogether, so Rukia sighed and directed her steps towards Classroom 2-F, the other most wretched and vile hive of scum and villainy at all of Mahora. Besides 2-C. And that weird SOS club. And the World Domination Club. And the Allies of Justice Club. And…

Warily, the girl walked down the now lonely, badly lit corridor at the end of the east wing, in complete silence, carefully measuring each step. It was so unusual for her to actually try to sneak up on a ghost; normally, she'd all but walk right through them. What was so different about this one, she wondered.

She could hear soft, low girlish chattering and giggling from the dreaded classroom of the (other) insane. The one everyone did their best to avoid unless completely necessary. Even Chizuru tried her best to ignore its girls ("Although Fujiyoshi-sempai does have her appeal..." she once had admitted).

And just her luck, the door was even half-open, too. Wait. Those were two voices. That meant there was another ghost, as well. Two girl ghosts showing up at the school all of a sudden? What were the odds? What could they be doing though?

A Chizuru-tainted part of her mind surprise-attacked her with some rather soft-core visions of what two girl ghosts from an all-girls school stuck with each other for all foreseeable eternity might get up to that…

Rukia firmly resolved to kick the real Chizuru next time she saw her as she banished the sudden and disturbingly arousing vision out of her mind.

Her curiosity piqued even more now, she slowly craned her neck ahead towards the door, straining her eyes to look into the shadowy classroom. The only light from the inside came from a small lantern at the floor of the other end of the room. Her ghost was floating near the lantern, amiably talking with what at first seemed to be another, sitting ghost, but on second glance was clearly a still living, even if very pale and skinny, young woman. Even so, her extremely long black hair and her deep, cadaverous, although perky and happy, dark eyes also added to her impression of being a living corpse, half wrapped in blankets, with only her large, bare white feet peeking from underneath them.

"More tea, Sayo-chan?" she was offering the ghost.

"Yes, please!" the dead girl said, very politely.

With a smile, the blanketed girl poured from a teapot into the cup the spirit was holding. Rukia's shock only grew when the ghost downed the drink, and it passed right through her making a small lake at the floor.

"Ahhhh! Delicious as always, Kiri-chan!"

The girl at the door instantly made a facefault sending her inside of the classroom.

Half an hour later, she was sharing the tea, wiggling her bare toes against the floor, her shoes and socks discarded aside. Ah, now that was the life. And Onii-sama wouldn't be at home for at least one hour more.

"So you can see ghosts too, huh?" she asked the other living girl.

"Only Sayo-chan," she cautioned. "Other than her, I've never seen one, although I must admit I've never been at the places where you'd be expected to find them. You could say I'm a bit... reclusive."

Sayo still seemed wary, hovering at Kiri's side, clutching her right shoulder.

"You don't need to be afraid," Rukia tried to comfort her, with a smile. "I swear I won't tell anyone about you. I only want to know, how long have you been here?"

"Well, I came here after classes finished, around one hour ago-"

"I mean at this school..." Kuchiki said.

"I don't remember." Sayo scowled cutely. Why everyone always wanted to know that? I was so rude, asking a girl about her age! Another girl, of all people, should realize that... "Around sixty years, I guess."

"Sixty years!" Rukia blinked. "It's... It's weird I never noticed you before."

"No one could, actually, until Negi-sen-" Sayo instantly covered her mouth and exhaled a brief panicked hiccup, realizing she had just said too much.

"Negi Springfield-sensei?" Kuchiki wondered. "What did he do?"

"I think he and Itoshiki-sensei are some sort of mediums," Kiri calmly explained while gathering the cups and dishes, apparently not minding much about the subject she explained. "Since they visited me a few weeks ago, I've been able to see and listen to Sayo-chan."

"But please don't tell anyone!" the ghost desperately begged. "Especially not them!"

"I won't! Who would believe me, anyway? Trust me, I know what's hiding such a secret like," the short haired student appeased her.

"Talking about secrets..." Kiri said, and much to her horror, Rukia noticed she was looking through her school bag and into her notebooks. "What's this, Kuchiki-san?" she giggled mischievously, holding a few pages full of doodles up.

"Ahhhh!" Sayo floated before them, eyeing them up and down. She honestly thought they were grotesque, but... "They're so cute! You have a very talented little brother or sister, Kuchiki-sempai!"

"Actually, I did those," Rukia dryly confessed.

"Oh, it's still very cute! It's heartwarming, to see you hold these memories of your childhood so close to you..." Sayo went on.

"I drew those today, between classes," Kuchiki's head hung down.

Sayo's smile froze on her face. "Oh, poot."

"Ah," Kiri uneasily blinked while examining the sheets. "They are very... avant-garde, as Itoshiki-sensei would say. Yes. Very... naif. A... unique and original style. You draw very cute bugs."

"They're bunnies! Chappy the Bunny and his good friends!" Rukia mashed the palms of her hands against her own face.

"Oh, yes, sorry. My bad," Kiri hastily apologized. "What does this 'Original Character! Do not steal!' mean, may I ask?"

"It's a..." Rukia sighed and snatched her sheets away. "Forget it. Come to think about it, I should be going back home."

"Oh! So soon?" Sayo's face saddened.

"My Onii-sama doesn't like when I get back home late," she explained. "I'd be dishonoring the legacy of the Kuchiki family."

"In other words, he's afraid you could be continuing the Kuchiki bloodline too early," Kiri surmised.

"Basically."

"But-But you'll come back tomorrow, won't you?" Sayo fluttered, lowering her head bashfully. "I'm sorry if I offended you..."

Rukia forced herself to smile. "Of course you didn't! Look, I'll try to come back whenever I have the time, okay?"

The ghost nodded eagerly. "I'll look forward to it!"

"Me too," Kiri added.

Rukia responded with a brief token good will goodbye and promptly left, hugging her school bag against her chest, her shoes firmly grasped in a hand. Truly, she was so embarrassed, she even had forgotten about the socks. There was a good reason why she kept those sketches hidden even from Orihime. Why, that nosy, rude, insane hikkikomori...

Then she stopped when she heard a window near her being opened from the outside. She stopped in mid-hall, consulting her wristwatch. It was late, much later than she had believed. She felt suddenly uneasy and hurried her steps down the hall, before hearing solid steps from behind her, heading in the exact opposite direction from her, towards Classroom 2-F.

Rukia gulped. Was it her imagination? No, those were definitely steps. Heavy and fast, no doubt a man's. Slowly, she turned her head back to see a tall orange haired young man in a black hakama shirt and loose dark gray pants, his feet clad in sandals, with his back turned to her, quickly backing towards where Sayo and Kiri were.

"Hey, you! Wait!" Kuchiki instinctively cried, no doubt more moved by the Kuchiki Honor and defense of the needed than by any rational reason. "Who are you, and where do you think you're going?"

He fully ignored her and continued advancing.

"Hey! Are you listening to me?-!"

He still ignored her words, never stopping.

A second later, one of Rukia's shoes bounced against his head.

That did it. He turned around fast, looking in all directions, unsheathing a sword large enough to make Rukia gasp aloud. And he looked in all directions, as if not even noticing she was there.

"Okay, who did that?-! Where are you?-!" the boy yelled.

"I-I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-!" she nervously began.

He finally noticed her, looking straight at her face with vivid curiosity. "You can see me?"

"Of course I can!" she held her hands before herself to keep him at bay. "How couldn't I? And don't get any closer! My brother has influences! You won't get away with this!"

He scratched his head cluelessly. "With what?"

"Whaddya mean 'with what'?-! Don't play innocent now!"

"That's my line!" he snapped. "How can you see me in the first place?"

"Well, for starters, your punkish bleached hair stands out like a swollen thumb..."

"Why does people always say that?-!" he growled, pointing at his head with a finger. "My hair is all natural, dammit! This! Is! Not! Bleach!"

* * *

 

 **Act Three** :

Finally, after a tense mutual staredown, he just threw his hands up and began walking away again. "Forget it. I have no time to waste talking to weird kids."

"Weird kid? Me? You're around my age, and you're the one waving that huge thing around, so you have no right to say any part of that sentence!" Rukia protested, stomping after him despite her own reservations. "And you'd better leave right now or I'll call the police!"

"Your security agencies can't even see me," he mumbled, quickening his pace, visibly even more annoyed now. "And I'm not going to do anything bad anyway."

"Yeah, that explains why you broke into a school at night carrying a sword bigger than yourself!"

"I'm going to slay a Hollow. Could hardly do that with my naked hands, now could I?" the strange boy mumbled.

"What are you, some kind of crazy Otaku playing war games? God, the new legislation was right after all! No, wait, I take that back!" Rukia cried as she felt the murderous stares being directed at her from beyond the Fourth Wall. She shadowed him. "What's a 'Hollow' supposed to be? It's like one of those paintball targets?"

He stopped and gave her an exasperated look. "I don't understand half of what you're saying!"

"The feeling is definitely mutual, then!"

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Listen, kid. I'm a Shinigami, a god of death. A Soul Reaper."

Kuchiki blinked, stunned. "You... reap souls? So someone in this building is about to die?"

"I don't reap the souls from the living. Most of you can find your way into the light by yourselves after talking to Death-sama, although you seem clueless enough to need a map."

"HEY!"

"Yeah. Anyway, we claim those spirits who wander around even after they're supposed to ascend or descend. You could call us the police of the spirit world," he declared.

"I've seen many ghosts before, but never one of you," Rukia suspected. "You seem... too solid to be a ghost. You don't look different from any human. Hell, you're _definitely_ no Reikai Tantei!"

"I'll take that as a complement," he dryly delivered. "But honestly, I don't give a crap if you believe me or not."

"You sure use rather crass contemporary language for a spirit hunter from another realm," she pointed out.

"We spend all our working hours at this world walking amongst you people! Of course we pick bad manners from you!" he defended himself.

"Okay. Let's suppose I believe you. What's a 'Hollow'?" she asked.

"Well, the spirits basically come in two different kinds," he half-heartedly explained. "The most common by far are the 'Pluses', who are the ones you most likely see, if I understood your crazy diatribe well. They are harmless, generally stupid and annoying until you show them the right way, but otherwise okay. And then we have the 'Hollows'. Those are basically corrupted souls who gain power from devouring Pluses. Our job at this world is making sure the Pluses are sent to Soul Society and the Hollows are blasted down to Hell. Get it now, brat?"

"No. What's a 'Soul Society'?"

"The afterlife. The Heaven, I guess you could call it that. At least a part of a version of it; those things are complex and have many sub-departments. I wouldn't know, politics isn't my thing. The process to send a Plus there is called a 'Soul Burial'. You just tap the Plus on the noggin with this," he poked at the sword's handle, "And it's quickly sent to where it belongs. As simple as that."

"And what about the Hollows?"

He grinned, holding the sword up. "Well, they get the other end of this..."

"Figures," she whistled. "I guess I'm lucky I never saw one of those Hollow things."

"That's because we keep slaying them down. Otherwise you'd be swimming in them. You saw that whole mess near this school's door? The one that happened last night? That was a Hollow's work."

She tensed. "But then, the ghost girl who was there-!"

"Swallowed. I came too late to save her," he shook his head. "All because this place has barriers all around it preventing the likes of us to get close. It should have stopped the Hollow too, of course, but it's been eating Pluses all through town for the last few days, getting stronger so it could break in here. Tough bastard, and fast, too; it keeps eluding me. With each victim, it can come a bit closer, and I think it's already strong enough to get here. So I decided to get here first and wait for it so we can finish things once and for all."

"I thought you had said you couldn't get in either. So how did you-"

He shifted uneasily. "I got a charm of sorts from... someone. Even so, I'm not operating at 100% here. I only hope it's enough to stop the Hollow."

She started to get nervous. "Wait, there's only one ghost to devour here. And it's that of a small, cute, innocent and helpless girl. Why to take so much effort to eat it? This city's full of other ghosts! Why to obsess over this one?-!"

He gave her a level glare. "You don't know it, do you?"

"Know what?"

"This place. Mahora. It's chockfull of magical energies of all sorts. It's what we call a 'critical point'," the boy said. "If we're being impolite, we call it a Hellmouth. Full of special people, as well. But I've already said too much, and I've work to do. Bye," he turned around and walked.

"Wait! I'll help you!" she ran after him.

"Are you nuts? You'd only be a hindrance!" he shooed her away with a hand. "Go home to watch the weird talking box like you all do all day long!"

"You mean the TV."

"No, I mean your computers with loud speakers," he dryly snarked, never looking back.

"But there must be something I can help you with!" Rukia insisted. "I mean, I can't possibly just leave that girl to her fate like that-"

"Who are you, some sort of super martyr heroine of love?" he asked. "I'm already on the case! But wait, there's something you can do."

"What is it?"

He immediately poked her forehead with a finger, and she felt her limbs becoming stiff, her body falling down to the floor like a plank.

"Wha- What's this?" she struggled to even move her tongue. "What have you... done to me..."

"My old man's taught me a thing or two on medicine, including secret pressure points. Your bodies are far weaker than ours, so our techniques work with double of efficiency on them. Well, gotta go. You'd be able to move again in a few hours. Meanwhile, be a good girl and don't make too much noise. Sorry, but you're safer this way." He walked out of sight.

Rukia desperately struggled to move her body, straining herself madly. Dammit, that bleached guy was going to be even more of a dead man when she could get her hands on him...!

* * *

 

 **Act Four** :

As the boy drew closer to the door, he could feel the unmistakable presence of a Plus. Weak, soft, gentle and harmless. It shouldn't take more than a minute. Maybe he'd get back home in time to watch 'Carnivore World'...

For almost any human observer, it'd have looked as if the door just opened itself, slowly creaking as it moved inside.

But Komori Kiri actually saw a weird tall boy carrying a huge blade sneaking into her classroom-living room, just as she was taking her shorts off, her butt slightly pointing up as she lowered them down her legs.

She froze solid.

For a moment, he didn't seem to notice, just looking around the room until his eyes fell onto Sayo, who was very quiet at a corner, no doubt hoping to stay undetected just like every other time anyone but Negi, Misora, Itoshiki or Rukia had ever entered in. But much to her horror, the strange young man noticed her and made a wolfish wide grin.

"Ah hah! There you are!"

With decision, he stepped quickly into the classroom, walking straight into Kiri's body, as if expecting to pass through her like thin air.

He was as shocked and scared as them when he was stopped by the slight mass of her curves, her breasts mashing against his body. His face blared red, and his hair stood up in point… among other things.

"D..." Kiri gasped, her face twitching. "Don't..." She quickly turned around, pushing her shorts back up. " _Don't look!_ " she lamely finished.

"Ah, oh, err, sorry, I, um, err, that is, I saw nothing!" he stammered, quaking wildly. "I'm not even here! Yeah! I'm only a hallucination! Ghosts don't exist, and neither do I! N-Now, if you excuse me, I'll just take your ghost away and-!"

"Leave," Kiri asked, breathing deeply, tightening her blankets against her chest.

"Huh? Ah, sorry, just a sec," his hands trembled as he grabbed his sword and began approaching Sayo again, making the spirit to shrill like a banshee. "T-This won't take long! I'm just going to send you to Heaven! There, you'll know nothing but eternal pleasure!"

"HENTAI!" the ghost swung a desperate fist into his face as she bawled her eyes off. She actually packed a mean spirit punch for someone as waiflike.

"Okay, sorry, I picked the wrong words, but-!"

Before he could finish the sentence, Kiri grabbed a bottle and smashed it down on his head. "OW! That hurt! What the hell... You shouldn't even be able to touch me!"

"But you'll touch me, won't you?" Kiri panted madly, broken bottle in hand, gesturing with its sharp shattered edges like a mad drunk at a bar. "Creep! Pervert! Degenerate! Fan of eroge! Twilight fanfiction writer! I don't know why can you see Sayo-chan, but you won't ever lay a finger on her or me!"

The boy gestured with his hands in a sign of peace. "Whoa, whoa, take it easy! I really mean to send her to Heaven! It isn't right for her to wander across this world! It's time for her to pass on!"

Kiri blinked. "Passing on? You mean...?"

He nodded, still shaking bloody sharps of bottle out of his hair. "Yeah, taking the big step. I'm a Shinigami, god of death, Soul Reaper, and- Ahhh, forget it. I don't explain these things twice a night. I'll just do what I came here to do."

Before either of them could stop him, he swung the back of his sword's handle against Sayo's forehead, making a loud 'POP!' sound. He smirked, waiting for the ensuing choir of celestial music and rays of light to guide the Plus to the afterlife, sometimes, if he was unlucky, accompanied by Panty, Stocking and their creepy green dog. However, that time... NOTHING HAPPENED.

Except because the Plus took her hands to her forehead and whined. "Ouchie! Kiri-chan, the big bully's hitting me now!"

"Wait, that should've..." the boy blinked oddly before Kiri swung the broken bottle against his butt. "YEE-OWWW!"

"I warned you!" Komori growled with unusual ferocity.

"Dammit, is everyone at this damn school crazy?-!" the young man yelled.

While updating her webpage a few blocks away, Chisame tensed up. "I feel... like a soul has suddenly resonated with mine..." she mused.

Even more blocks away, a tall brown haired boy stopped his daily update of the infamous SOS Homepage and tensed as well. "This sensation! It's as if I'm not alone in the world!"

Back at Classroom 2-F, the Shinigami paced around waving his hands in the air. "I see… This is one of _those_ decades! Mom warned me there _would_ be decades like this! Yeah, decades where you can't even send a weak-ass Plus to Soul Society! Oh, when Tatsuki and Renji learn about this, I'll never hear the end of it..." he sulked. "And the old man will start nagging, too..."

"Chie-sensei's psychological consultations begin at 8:30 A.M.," Kiri helpfully said, now a bit scared herself.

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" the Soul Reaper claimed.

"That'll be fixed by the time you get to her office," Kiri said.

"It's this damn place that is full with insanity!"

Then, he fell into an abrupt wide-eyed silence, stopping all motion. That feeling… How could have he missed it before? Had his senses numbed down so much?

"Get down!" he yelled, quickly grabbing Sayo and Kiri and pushing them down to the floor with himself.

Both girls screamed as they were unceremoniously grabbed, and even more when the classroom's door suddenly exploded into a million pieces blowing inside, flying over their heads. Sayo's huge eyes made their fast way to the spot where the door had been seconds before, and saw the most hideous thing she ever had witnessed, other than Kimura-sensei and that time that furry had snuck into her classroom to change.

Towering, over three meters tall, so tall its head scratched the ceiling roughly, leaving marks on it. Solid black with a tiny white head and long, clawed white limbs. A mouth armed with a thousand sharp teeth. Dead eyes devoid of any emotion but malice and hunger.

"W-W-W-What is that?-!" Sayo asked.

"AH!" Kiri cried. "It's the Third Angel!"

"It's a Hollow," the boy grumbled while standing back up, getting his sword ready. "Stay put there. I'll handle this."

* * *

 

 **Interlude** :

Rukia had struggled harder to move when she saw the huge black shadow moving down the next hall, briefly passing her while ignoring her. She only managed to wiggle around like a dying trout.

She continued struggling even when the thing was gone from her sight, since she was sure about where would it head to now. The explosion's sound only confirmed her absolute suspects.

Sayo-san.

Kiri-san.

"A Kuchiki is always there for a person in true need, Rukia," her brother had once told her, calmly drying her tears after the funeral. "Like I'll always be there for you when you need me."

His face was the same as always, and yet, she could notice something different in him even between her tears.

She barely knew the stupid hikkikomori and the airheaded ghost.

But they needed her.

She heard the first yells.

Clenching her teeth, straining herself to her limits, she managed to move a leg.

Pushing herself beyond those limits to a point that hurt like hell, she moved her other leg.

Feeling like her whole spine was breaking, leaking copious tears of pain, she propelled herself up on stiff legs.

 _I won't fail you, Onii-sama._ _Or you, girls,_ she promised herself.

* * *

 

 **Act Five** :

The orange haired boy groaned in pain as he was slammed against a wall. He immediately rotated his left shoulder to check it still was in fighting shape, and retook a fighting stance on his feet. The Hollow towered over him, reaching with an arm to the door so the girls wouldn't escape through it.

Sayo, instead, dragged Kiri towards one of the windows. "Over here, Kiri-chan, quick!" she urged.

The pale shut-in stopped breathing for a moment while watching the ghastly huge, dizzingly wide, world beyond the wall. "I-I-I can't go out there! It... It isn't safe..." she whimpered, backing away.

"Kiri-chan, it's even more dangerous here!" Sayo grabbed her hand and floated out, trying to pull her with herself.

"No! I won't! Inside... I need to be inside..." she babbled. "I can't be outside. It's dangerous, it's stunning, it's horrible and awful..." she whined, cowering back into a corner.

"But Kiri-chan...!" Sayo pleaded.

"And besides, we're in a third floor and there are no escape stairs there," the human girl added.

The ghost scratched her head in a sheepish way. "Ahhhh, sorry, I forgot you couldn't fly..."

Kiri pushed her back with a hand. "You must escape, however!"

"No, not without you!" Sayo insisted, tackling her in a hug.

Meanwhile, the swordsman swung again, cutting the Hollow in a flank, pushing it a few feet back. However, coming so close gave the thing an opening to grab him by the head and bash him down against the floor.

 _What a huge power!_ the boy inwardly cursed. _How couldn't I feel this bastard getting close before? I-_

Then Sayo's newest scream distracted him for a moment just as he was standing back up.

"KUCHIKI-SAN!"

"What...?" he muttered.

After the Hollow had been pushed back and its arm had left the door, the scrawny black haired girl had appeared at its frame, panting heavily.

"What the hell are you doing here, stupid girl?-!" he growled, but before anything else could be said or done, the Hollow swung a titanic claw aside and trapped Sayo in it, firmly squeezing her, making her to scream.

"SAYO-CHAN, NO!" Kiri yelled, jumping back to her feet.

"Stop, stop, please!" the female spirit cried, squirming in its steel grasp. "You're hurting me! It hurts a lot!"

"Aisaka-san!" Rukia breathed out.

"Take the other idiot and get outta here!" the swordsman commanded, rushing ahead and taking advantage of the Hollow's momentary distraction to get under its body, chopping its right leg off in a single, precise motion. The beast howled madly, but didn't let its prey go, stumbling ahead and managing to keep its balance on one foot, kicking the boy up with its stump, black blood spraying everywhere.

Her legs still feeling as if they were made of wood, Rukia hopped her way to Kiri, forcefully grabbed her by an arm, and began pulling her back towards the door.

"But Sayo-chan...!" the hikkikomori pointed out.

Rukia hesitated. It was true, after all. The big monster had pinned the freaky boy to the floor with its remaining foot as it hung the helpless Sayo over its huge open mouth, slowly lowering her towards its fangs despite her shrill screams of panic.

Stopping in place, the short haired girl grabbed an eraser and tossed it up with amazing accuracy at the Hollow's head. "Hey, you! Let that poor girl go, or else...!"

It stopped what it was doing, making a muffled sound and looking at Rukia with mild annoyance. Then it seemed to study her, briefly sniffing the air, briefly, seemingly forgetting about Sayo. Although never stopping holding her, it lunged ahead for Rukia instead of outright devouring the ghost.

With a loud gasp and a mental-slap for her rash action that would have done Chisame proud, Rukia couldn't do anything but stand in place, pushing Kiri aside to relative safety. And then, in a flash of black, white and orange, before the Hollow could reach her, she saw the Shinigami hopping up to put himself between them, the Hollow's mouth sharply biting into his right shoulder, causing an explosion of blood to splatter in all directions.

"SHINIGAMI-KUN!" Kuchiki yelled.

Then she saw he also had thrust his sword deep into the Hollow's stomach, making it to yowl in agony and to release Sayo, who quickly floated down to Komori's side. As the beast recoiled, holding itself up, emitting a sinister symphony of gurgling hoarse sounds, the wounded boy crawled back against a wall, bathed in his own blood, panting and gasping.

"Idiot..." he told Rukia.

Rukia knelt down next to him, holding his left hand. "Hold on there! Don't die... if you can die again, that is... I mean, we gotta get you out of here! Komori, help me to lift him up, quick!"

"No time for that. The SOB will just catch us before we can get to the end of the hall..." He looked at the still pained and howling, but quickly recovering, creature. "Woman, tell me! Do you really want to save this people?"

"What? Do you mean me?" Rukia quickly said. "O-Of course I want, but-"

"How long have you known them?" he curtly asked, coughing loudly.

"I just met them tonight, but-" she was interrupted by him again.

"You sure you want to do it, then?"

"Yes, I do! You don't need to be close friends with someone to want preventing them suffering!" she claimed. "If I can do something, just tell me already!"

He held his sword shakily up at her. "I can't... fight on now. You have lots of spiritual power, and you're less of a moron than the pale exhibitionist with the cute-"

"Hey...!" Kiri protested. "You _did_ see, you pervert!"

"—HAIR!" he indignantly finished.

"Yeah, sure," Kiri pouted.

Ignoring her, the Shinigami told Rukia, icily, "Sink this sword into your heart, and I'll transfer my powers into you."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?-!" Sayo and Kiri said at once.

But Rukia only looked thoughtful. "Can it really work?"

"I don't know," he confessed. "I've never tried it before. The legends say it can be done, but it's kind of a taboo even trying..."

"Don't do it, Kuchiki-san!" Sayo pleaded.

"It's suicidal! And you aren't Itoshiki-sensei!" Kiri added. "Besides, that 'sticking a sword into you for power'-thing sounds like some kind of macho-sexist symbolism for sex and being dominated by the male phallus to realize your own innate feminine potential as a willing subordinate of the patriarchal system!"

They all stared at her.

"What? I _do_ pay a little attention to Itoshiki-sensei's classes. And that Yue-chan from Negi-sensei's class leaves me some books to read… hmm, Yue-chan…"

Then the Hollow roared, standing straight and strong again, and gave a stomping hop ahead, then another, heading their way. Rukia's eyes grew narrower. She put a hand on the sword's hilt.

"Please let me try, Shinigami-san," she humbly asked.

He smirked. "My name's Ichigo. Kurosaki Ichigo."

She half-smiled back. "Kuchiki Rukia."

And she pushed the blade inside of her own chest.

"See? Totally phallic!" Kiri said.

Sayo attempted to fly to her, to stop her before she could waste her life, but she was too late. By the time she got there, it was done, and an intense yellow light filled the whole classroom. Along with it, a powerful invisible force sent her and Kiri crashing back against their corner. When they regained her eyesight moments after that, they saw the Soul Reaper now wearing a very simple ensemble of thin white shirt and pants, his feet bare, his wound largely healed but still very visible.

And Rukia stood between him and the Hollow, now wearing an exact copy of the Shinigami's outfit, complete to the sandals. The sword in her hands had changed to a much smaller one, surrounded by a thin but noticeable icy blueish aura.

Rukia briefly gulped before facing the monster with an even glare. "I'll be your enemy now, Hollow-san. Unless you want to escape now. I won't stop you if you try to do-"

The Hollow just charged ahead again like a mad animal.

Rukia sighed, running ahead as well, silently praying for the best. The evil spirit clawed for her, but her small size saved her. Ducking under the claw, she made a desperate jump for its remaining knee, swinging the sword into it. Much to her own shock, it cut like a knife through butter, slicing the leg cleanly off. The Hollow fell down on its back, still clawing madly above, until Rukia drew in a lot of breath and simply sank the sword into its chest, stabbing it using both hands before ripping through it, literally splitting it by half.

With a final deafening scream, the Hollow exploded into a million black sparks that soon dissipated into nothingness, just as the souls it had devoured, dozens and dozens of pale, translucid ghosts, were freed and vanished away floating up and through the roof, much to Sayo and Kiri's open-mouthed awe.

"At least, the creepy sisters didn't show up this time..." Ichigo sighed, standing up with a lot of effort, his eyes falling into the panting, exhausted Kuchiki. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes," she erratically nodded.

"You are a real bother," he facepalmed. "I only intended to give you half of my power, but you took almost all of it! Man, I'm going to be chewed out about this."

"Sorry," she humbly offered him the sword back. "You can take it back now..."

"I'd like to, but I can't," he rejected it. "I must wait until my powers return on their own."

"Kuchiki-san...!" Sayo tackled the heroic girl in a tight hug, kissing her right cheek loudly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was so scared! You saved my life! I mean, my death! I mean, my post-life!"

"After-life," Ichigo corrected helpfully.

"Thanks, indeed," Kiri bowed. "I'm sorry to have caused you so many problems. To you too, Kurosaki-san."

"Forget it..." he mumbled. "You're welcome..."

Rukia blinked and shook the still kissing Sayo off. "Welcome? Oh no! My Onii-sama! He must have gotten home by now! What time is it? What time is it? It's late! And I'm late, too!"

Around one hour later, she stood at her house's doorstep, timidly facing the tall and stern figure of her brother, who looked down at her with an expressionless face scarier than any Hollow's.

"Rukia," Byakuya slowly began, "I do hope you have a good explanation for this..."

"Ehhhh..." she lifted a finger up before drooping down. "... No. Actually, I don't."

The next morning, Komori was similarly wordless as the rest of her class and Itoshiki-sensei stood before her, looking at the wrecked classroom with wide eyes and mute mouths.

"I was... cooking my dinner, and I had a little accident with the stove..." the shut-in shyly held a broken teapot up.

Nozomu looked at her, then at the embarrassed Sayo cowering at a corner from his eyes. He sighed and patted Kiri on a shoulder. "I'll have to tell your parents about this..."

Meanwhile, at High School Class 1-C, Rukia groaned, slamming her face down against her desk.

"And your brother punished you just for that?" Chizuru asked, suggestively leaning on the seat next to hers. "Poor thing. All girls should have a right to have fun at night. Let me comfort you with a tender, soft, loving-"

Without even looking at her, her face still buried in her desk, Rukia simply planted a fist on her face.

"Girls, play nice..." Orihime softly asked from the seat behind Rukia's, just as Jinroku-sensei entered the classroom.

"Ahem!" the old balding man adjusted his glasses. "Good morning, class. Sorry about the lateness, but I was talking with Konoemon-sensei. Starting today, we'll have a new, transfer student at our class. Please welcome Kurosaki Ichigo-kun."

Rukia tensed up in terror at the mention of the name, springing up to look at the newcomer grumpily showing up right behind the teacher. Chizuru had just made a disgusted face at the sight of a new boy, and Orihime had started staring at him with an impressed, nearly star-struck face. Ichida had simply scowled as if seeing a devil in their midst, and Chad's non-expression was the same as always.

"Hello," the new boy grumbled, holding a few sheets full with ugly doodles up. "Um, I found this before getting here, and... someone told me they belonged to one of you. I kinda doubt it, since my little sisters draw better than this, but I still wanted to ask..."

Rukia bit her tongue before it could betray her in an explosion of curses.

* * *

 

 **Next:** Silent Night.

* * *

 

 **Bonus Segment:** Class 2-A's Sleeping Arrangements.

I have noticed a few questions and doubts regarding who rooms with whom in this Negima continuity, so here's the related data until this in-story date.

AISAKA SAYO used to sleep at her empty 2-A desk, now sleeps with KOMORI KIRI at Classroom 2-F. Someone should tell her ghosts aren't supposed to sleep.

AKASHI YUUNA has a room of her own. Having a teacher father has its benefits.

AYASE YUE rooms with MIYAZAKI NODOKA.

KASUGA MISORA rooms with COCONE FATIMA ROSA.

KAGURAZAKA ASUNA rooms with KONOE KONOKA.

TATSUMIYA MANA rooms with MUNAKATA SHIHO.

KAKIZAKI MISA rooms with SHIINA SAKURAKO and KUGIMIYA MADOKA.

KARAKURI CHACHAMARU lives at a cottage at the woods with EVANGELINE A.K. MC DOWELL and CHACHAZERO.

SAKAKI MAKIE rooms with YUKIHIRO AYAKA, although Ayaka spends her weekends at her nearby manor.

NAGASE KAEDE rooms with NARUTAKI FUMIKA and NARUTAKI FUUKA.

SAOTOME HARUNA rooms with KU FEI.

SAKURAZAKI SETSUNA lives alone.

ASAKURA KAZUMI lives alone as well.

CHAO LINGSHEN rooms with YOTSUBA SATSUKI.

OOKUCHI AKIRA rooms with IZUMI AKO.

HASEGAWA CHISAME rooms with HAKASE SATOMI, NEGI SPRINGFIELD and CHAMO.

NABA CHIZURU rooms with MURAKAMI NATSUMI.

ZAZIE RAINYDAY lives alone with her pets.

That's everything for now! Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and until next chapter!

 


	21. Lesson 18: An Unequal Christmas Special

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

 _Black Lagoon_ belongs to series creator Hiroe Rei.

 _Bleach_ and all its characters belong to Kubo Tite.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, and I mean huge, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this chapter as well, and even adding the entirety of the Chachamaru and Evangeline interludes. Thumbs up, man!

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. I mean it. Would I ever lie to you? Huh?

Remember to review, Pretty Please! I have spent since late November writing this chapter, and no reviews make OM a sad overworker! I wanted to have it ready in time for Christmas, but it just took me too long. And I even had to cut two long sections out, one starring Mana and Shiho and another one with Akira and Ako, or else I'd have been wrapped in this chapter until February.

For all those concerned about the crossover elements, while they'll never fully go away, all of them will have a strong relationship to the Negima elements. And this always will be a Negi and Chisame story at its core; everything else is expanding on the universe. Every crossover will serve a purpose for the development of the Negima characters, like the Bleach subplot will do for Sayo. Next chapter will be strong on the x-over elements, I'm afraid, but the incoming Library Island saga should be nothing but Negima characters all the way except at the very start and end.

Oh, and why a Christmas chapter at this point of the story? Think of it as an artistic license (just like the change to the size of Asuna and Konoka's apartment, which is quite larger here). Don't strain yourselves too much looking for a tight timeline here and just enjoy the ride. It's the so-called 'comic book time' to some degree, and I was in the mood to write an X-Mas chapter at the time. Anyway, it can be skipped or declared out of continuity if you wish it so. But I hope you like it all the same.

So, here we go again…

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON EIGHTEEN.**

* * *

 

**The Christmas Special, Act 1.**

As usual, Chisame was the first one to wake up. This time, Negi had snuck into her bed instead of Hakase's, to which she only replied with a resigned sigh. Much to her own jaded horror about her lack of active horror, she just didn't care anymore. The night had been very cold anyway, and she guessed he had helped her to get warmer, as well.

And besides, it'd have been plain nasty to kick a child to the floor on Christmas morning, anyway.

As she sat up rubbing her eyes and yawned, he stirred up and half opened his eyes. "Good morning..."

She made a small smile at him. "Good morning. And Merry Christmas."

The boy seemed to instinctively pout for a moment. "Oh, um, Merry Christmas," he half-heartedly replied, tilting his head on the pillow. He tightened the sheets against himself.

Chisame gave him a curious look. "What's wrong with you? You haven't been the same ever since this season started. I thought you were just nervous about this day, but now it's come—"

"I... I'm okay, really," he muttered, somewhat embarrassed.

After a brief moment of doubt about what she was about to do, she ran a hand through his hair. "I hate being lied to. So confess up before I just force the truth out of you," she threatened gently.

"Why should I be different today?" he said, still pretended everything was the same. "It's a day like any other, after all..."

"Don't say that!" Chisame said. "What kind of kid doesn't get happy at Christmas? I could buy it from a Japanese one, but you're a foreigner, and Christmas' huge over there! Aren't you antsy to see what will Santa Claus bring you?"

Negi's lower lip trembled. "Everyone knows Santa Claus doesn't exist."

Chisame's mouth hung open.

From the lower bunk, however, Satomi whistled in appreciation. "Sensei, that's admirable! It's good to see someone of your age being wise to those banal and baseless mass market fantasies."

"When did you wake up? Shouldn't you stay asleep until 10:00 A.M. at free days?" Chisame told her. "And why are you breaking a child's right to have a normal Christmas? Don't you know you could give him a trauma?"

Hakase looked cluelessly at her. "I thought you were against that kind of celebrations. You never cared about Christmas before..."

"That was before we had a kid here!" Chisame clenched her teeth.

"What's the problem with it? My parents never attempted to fool me with that Santa Claus fabrication, and I grew up fine..." the mad genius countered, sitting up on the bed, her bare feet brushing against all the spare parts littering the floor around her.

"I'm not going to point out all the flaws in that statement," Chisame deadpanned. "What matters is, Christmas is supposed to be for kids to enjoy themselves!" She turned her eyes back to Negi. "And no matter how much you try to deny it, you're still a brat, so you'd better drop the pretenses and start enjoying yourself! I didn't take the effort to decorate the whole dorm for nothing!"

"Sorry, Chisame-san," he sheepishly lowered his head. "But I— I, um, we'll continue talking about this later. I have to, err, go take a shower."

He quickly dropped down to the floor and all but dashed for the shower stall, closing its door behind himself.

Chisame and Satomi stared on his direction with shocked expressions and huge eyes.

"He went to take a bath!" Hakase said.

"All by himself!" Hasegawa said.

"Without being told to!" Hakase completed.

They looked out the window, but the sky was still its normal color for it's time of day. Well, it wasn't the end of the world, at least.

Chisame rushed down to floor level, stomped over to the drawers, and violently jerked Chamo's one open. She rummaged through the stashed underwear, her hand looking for Chamo, finally catching him despite his attempts to squirm away. "Okay, wise-guy!" she told him. "No way this is normal behavior for him, so you'd better tell us why he of all people is a vulgar cheap Scrooge, or else you're going to become the Ghost of Christmas Past!"

"Jacob Marley," Hakase corrected. Chisame stared at her and the genius shrugged. "I listen to the non-science class discussions too."

"Th-Th-The Bro doesn't like it when I talk about this...!" the ermine weakly pleaded.

"And _I_ don't like it when you don't talk about this!" she shook him around two times. "Decide, which one of us do you fear more?"

"Well, since you put it that way..." Chamo gulped. "Fine, fine, there isn't any need to get so pushy. I'll tell you." He lowered his voice, gesturing for them to get away from the shower's door. Silently, both girls obeyed. "You know the real reason why the Bro likes to sleep with you girls, don't you?"

"Incoming hormonal change and the onset of his primal reproductive urges?" Satomi guessed. Chisame gave her a knock in the head. "... What? Hadn't you always assumed the same thing?"

Chamo sighed. "Doesn't he often make strange whimpering sounds while sleeping?"

"I don't know. I'm too much of a heavy sleeper," Hakase admitted.

"He does. All the time," Hasegawa understood far better. "Does he suffer from nightmares? I suspected it for a while, but he's always so cheerful, I ended up forgetting about it..."

"The Bro always puts a happy face no matter what, but..." Chamo drooped down sadly, "He has a good reason to dislike this date. He and his Sister didn't always live at Merdiana. They used to live at another, smaller town at the mountains... until a Christmas night a few years ago..."

Interlude- Chachazero's Christmas **.**

Locked up alone in the huge, rusty, smelly and discarded metal locker at the back of the Master's cottage.

Surrounded by nothing by darkness, the iron maiden, the nine tails whip, six knives, some rats and a guillotine, the soundtrack of the Saw movies playing in the background.

Chachazero sniffed. She had just woken up there; the last thing she remembered was being smashed against a wall by the Master, no reason given. Oh, the Master. She had such a glorious and loving black heart...

"She remembered..." the doll warmly mused, moving her arms around to confirm the concentration of magic in the locker was just high enough. Then, a low throaty chuckle as her hand reached for the first knife.

She hadn't killed anything in such a long time...

Maybe the Master would give her a human toy as well next year, if she was good.

* * *

 

**Act 2:**

By the time Negi got out of the shower, with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair a still soapy mess falling over his face, he found Chisame and Hakase uneasily standing there, each one with a gift package between their hands. "Huh?" He blinked several times. "Oh, girls... don't tell me..."

"Well, we were going to tell you Santa had left them for you, but I guess there's no point on saying that now, right?" Hasegawa rolled her eyes, placing her package in his hands. "Here, never say I don't do anything for you..."

"I'd never say that..." he softly said before starting to unwrap it, his towel slipping ever so slightly. He pulled a pair of ice skates out of it. "Skates? I'd never have guessed it..."

"Well..." the girl rasped, "I noticed you didn't seem to have any, and we still have a lot of the winter season ahead, so I thought, maybe you'd like to try that. You always are trying to get into new things..." she uneasily said.

He smiled, very cutely. "Thank you. I never had given any serious thought, but I'd love to learn."

"Gee. That's nice. I guess..." she briefly nodded.

"Mine," Hakase handed him her package.

"Let's see..." the boy opened it up just as quickly, his towel slipping even more. He pulled a huge, thick and heavy hardcover book out, straining himself to lift it up. "Mechanics of Aerodynamics and Jet Propulsion for Dummies?"

Satomi nodded proudly. "Indeed! I have noticed we don't have a lot of common fields of interests. Well, now I have started dabbling into magic thanks to you, I figured it'd only be fair if I gave you a hand with my own expertise. I have just self-edited this tome through the University's in-school publishing house; the copy you're holding is the first one out of the presses. Do you like it?"

"Very..." he nodded while flipping through the first few pages. Truth be told, he barely could understand anything from the prologue alone. "Very... illuminating. I'll treasure it."

"Thanks," Satomi said with a small, awkward but honest, smile.

"Oh! I had forgotten. I have some gifts for you, too," Negi ran to his futon– and that was when he towel finally fell off. Chisame and Hakase stared, blushing.

He yelped as he finally noticed, and turned his run for the futon into a roll to grab it and wrap it around him. He fumbled for his bags next to his sleeping mat one-handed as he kept his blankets closed around him and pulled a few packages from the bags next to it. He held one out to each girl. "It isn't too much, but I hope it makes you happy..."

Chisame stared at the sheet. The _white_ sheet, which was slowly being made transparent by dripping water. She grabbed some of his clothes and threw it at him. "Get dressed first, you idiot!"

"Fascinating…" Hakase said, slightly dazed. "Cold water seems to have no effect…"

When Negi was finally dressed properly, he handed them the gifts. Chisame unwrapped hers first. It was a mouse and pad set fully painted in pink and decorated with Chiu motifs. "How did you get this...?"

He blushed, looking away. "W-Well... I had no idea of what to get you, so I went to your webpage for ideas… of… what could you like... I figured you didn't have anything on the outside of your computer to match its inside, so I asked Chamo's help to select a few images of you and print them to decorate the set..." His voice became smaller and more shy. "You aren't angry, are you?"

For a few dreadful moments, she remained expressionless and grimly silent, until finally, a smile curved itself, very slowly, on her lips. "No. I'm not angry. Thank you."

He smiled back, filled with relief. "M-My pleasure!"

Hakase looked doubtfully at her gift. "A book on magic...?"

"Well..." Negi sheepishly said, holding his own book up. "Looks like we had the same idea... I couldn't think of anything related to science I could give you that you wouldn't already have, so I chose to give you something to expand your knowledge of another venue..."

Hakase laughed bashfully while flipping through her book's prologue, not getting a single word of the mystic mumbo-jumbo. "It's... very... colorful. Thanks a lot. Looks like we aren't so different after all..."

"Yes, all in all we do have things in common, don't we...?" Negi laughed in the same tone.

Chisame didn't keep herself from frowning a bit, looking back and forth between them, until Negi perked up again. "Oh! I forgot! Chamo, I have a gift for you, too!"

"For me?-!" the ermine jumped. "Ooohhh, thanks, Bro! You're an angel! What is it? What is it?"

"Um," Negi began, "To be frank, I don't know."

Chamo stopped jumping. "You don't?"

"Sorry," the child said. "I didn't know what to get you, so I asked Takamichi for advice. He told me he'd get you something you'd like, but that I shouldn't see it." He handed Chamo a package that seemingly had a thick bunch of magazines inside. "Here. He told me to tell you to open it out of my sight..."

Chamo's eyes sparkled. "Oh, I will!" With strength that belied his stature as a small animal, he ran to the bathroom carrying the package himself. The door slammed closed behind him, and moments later, a scream of "THANK YOU, TAKAMICHI!" filled the room.

Chisame grimaced. "... Well. That aside, it's good to see you aren't as insensitive to Christmas as we thought, Sensei."

He blushed. "Oh, it's just I find the exact date a bit... uncomfortable. I... have my reasons. Sorry if I overreacted about it. But I always can get behind the idea of showing your loved ones you do care about them."

At the mention of the 'loved ones' words, both girls immediately froze in place.

"What?" Negi blinked a few times. "Have I... Have I said something bad?"

"No... Not at all..." Chisame nervously took her glasses off and began to wipe them in circles. "Never mind..."

One of these days, she would have to see a therapist about these stupid heart beat increases she was having lately. Or perhaps a cardiologist. She surely was ill or something…

* * *

 

**Interlude** **– Zazie's Christmas.**

Sitting alone at her room.

Surrounded only by pet birds.

Juggling colorful balls just plucked from the Christmas tree.

She couldn't be any happier.

* * *

 

**Act 3:**

"So, um, where's Negi-kun right now?" Misora asked as Chisame and Hakase sat down next to Cocone and her at the church's front steps. The early Christmas ceremonies had been over one hour ago, before the boy's roommates arrived, and now they had the whole place to themselves.

"He went to send a letter to his sister," Hasegawa replied. "Better that way. I'd prefer to discuss this without him, actually."

"Shouldn't we wait for Kakizaki-san to arrive before we start?" Satomi questioned.

"Forget it!" Misora waved a hand around. "That girl always is late, everywhere. It takes her a full hour to put enough makeup on, before going to the dentist. I should know; she sings at the choir, and Sister Shakti always has to scold her over it."

"Right. I'd like to talk about her, actually, " Chisame nodded. "Do you think she's really ready?"

"For what?" Kasuga asked.

"Remember what Eva said at the bridge?-!" Chisame reminded her. "About how Sensei would always have enemies striking at everyone around him. I don't think she was joking. I'm not sure if _we_ can handle it, much less Kakizaki."

"Oh, that?" Misora shrugged casually. "I doubt any enemy Negi-kun may have can be worse than Eva-chin, or they'd have killed him already!"

"They came close once, actually. Chamo told us early today that, well..." Chisame lowered her voice confidentially, "He doesn't know the full details either, but several years ago, on Christmas Night, a horde of demons attacked his old hometown and slaughtered several villagers. Even Negi's sister barely survived. Based on Eva's comments, I think they may have been after him."

"I still don't think we should apply such a term as 'demons', " Hakase muttered, crossing her arms. "For all we know, they only were entities of an alien origin. The short hand resource of applying Judeo-Christian terminology to them is plain lazy..."

Misora's face had gone as white as paper. "... Demons?-!"

"Haven't you ever seen a demon in your life?" Chisame asked her.

"Never! And I don't want to!" Kasuga stated categorically.

"Sister Sanada once brought a baby demon she exterminated, preserved in an alcohol bottle," Cocone reminisced. "Even dead, it was... scary."

"I refused to see it," Misora shuddered.

"Anyway, what will we ever do if we have to fight something like that?" Chisame wondered.

Misora groaned reluctantly. "I dunno... I guess we can't back away now, can we?"

"I don't want to," Hakase answered.

"Me neither," Cocone simply said.

"Well, talking is easy, but what will we do if faced with such a thing?" Chisame insisted. "At the end, even Evangeline held herself back, but a creature like a demon..."

Misora grimaced. "I vote for us to stop talking about demons until Christmas is over."

Cocone only nodded.

"I concur as well, and I don't even like Christmas," Hakase agreed.

"Fine," Chisame sighed, her shoulders drooping. "You win." But in truth, deep inside, she just was glad to get confirmation she wouldn't have to do it alone.

To change the subject, Misora chuckled and elbowed the youngest of the group in the ribs. "By the way, Cocone-chan, now we all have a Pactio with Negi-kun but you! Why don't you try it too?"

"I want to be a Magistra, not a Ministra," the little girl answered, very seriously.

"What the hell, Kasuga?" Chisame reprimanded her. "Why do you try to rope children into kissing each other? What kind of Christian morals are those? Wait, are you even actually a Catholic? I've heard how nuns aren't the same thing as mikos…"

"I was just joking!" the sprinter rolled her eyes. "You don't have to get jealous..."

"Who said I'm jealous, and why should I be?-!" Chisame was all but in her face now.

"Not even because of Kakizaki?" Kasuga asked. "I mean, she's far prettier than all of us put together..."

"Wh-What does that have to do with anything?" the hacker jerked back.

"Well, we do have to admit she's naturally elegant and sophisticated..." Satomi mused.

"And unlike us, very popular..." Misora drooped.

"Outgoing and extroverted..." Hakase added.

"Horny, you mean," Chisame said.

"Pretty eyes," Cocone opined.

"Worldly and bold..." Kasuga groaned.

Chisame's mood had expressed itself on the shape of twin black swirls around her. It was true. Kakizaki was pretty much all Chiu ever played to be, but without any need for lies and Photoshop...

"Assuming we ever competed for the same boy, we just couldn't compare..." Misora lamented.

"Y-Yes. If such were ever the case..." Hakase hesitated.

"..." Chisame said.

"..." Cocone said.

The skinny apprentice, the geeky inventor, the pimply-faced hacker and the kid remained still for a few moments in deep self contemplation until a musical, happy voice rang aloud. "Yoo-hooooo! Girls! I'm here!"

The four of them coldly stared at the newcomer. "...Hello, Kakizaki," they said.

"Why so gloomy? Today's Christmas! Geez, don't tell me you made me to come here only to depress me with those long faces," Misa stopped right before them, fixing her colorful scarf up a bit. "Coco-chan! What did Santa bring you?"

"Socks," the child flatly said.

Misa's faced betrayed disappointment. "Socks?"

"W-Well, you sure need them!" Misora awkwardkly rasped. "You're always running around barefoot everywhere when we aren't in the habit, and that's just unladylike!"

"Since when do you give any lessons on femininity?" Chisame noted.

"I have noticed Santa's a lot cheaper since I moved in with Misora," Cocone quietly observed.

"Actually, there's a good explanation for that—" Hakase began.

But her three classmates all bopped her in the head before she could even actually finish the sentence.

* * *

 

**Asuna & Konoka's Christmas, Part 1:**

"Man, Christmas sure came all of a sudden this year," Asuna observed in a grumpy tone, while lazily brooming the floors of the dorm she shared with Konoe Konoka. "How did it happen? I'd swear it was February a few weeks ago..."

From the kitchen, where she was cooking a large pot of steaming soup and happily chopping vegetables with expert movements, wearing pink slippers and a 'Piyo Piyo' apron, Konoka giggled. "They say time flies by when you're happy and at home!"

"Yeah, but I can say this evening will be awfully slow," her redheaded friend complained. "I did my best to forget, so can you remind me again how many of them you invited?"

"Well," Konoka began, "Negi-kun, of course, and Chisame-chan and Prof-chan. Then there's Set-chan, and the librarians, and the cheerleaders. Iincho and Itoshiki-sensei, and Kaede and the twins. Misora seems very close to Negi-kun lately, so I invited her, too. Everyone else seemed to have prior commitments."

"Too many as it is!" Asuna cried. "We'll be overcrowded!"

"Do you think Iincho will come?" Konoka asked, somewhat concerned.

"If the brat's here, she'll come, no matter what she thinks of me," Asuna grumbled. "And why did you have to invite Despair-sensei over? He's a drag! He'll ruin the whole mood! Why not invite Takahata-sensei instead?"

"Grandpa sent Takahata-sensei out on an urgent errand tonight, remember?" Konoka innocently offered. "And Itoshiki-sensei is always so alone and sad, I figured he'd need some company to cheer him up".

Asuna pouted, leaning ahead on the top of her broomstick, arms crossed under her chin. "It's too unfair! I'm in despair! Takahata-sensei not being here has left me in despair!"

Konoka giggled again. "But Itoshiki-sensei is an older man, too! I thought you liked those!"

"I like elegant and mature men with rugged sex appeal and that aged Sean Connery look!" her longtime friend scowled. "Despair-sensei has none of the above!"

Konoka just smiled fondly at her. "You're always so funny when you get steamed up, Asuna!"

"Yeah, I'm a barrel of Ho-Ho-Hos," she snorted. Right before smiling back anyway.

* * *

 

**Act 4:**

"So, what did you guys want to talk about?" Misa sat down next to them, casually stretching her legs.

"About everything Eva said at the bridge," Chisame repeated. "About how Negi would have many enemies looking for him, and we should either quit now or get ready to keep protecting him. Have you thought about it?"

The cheerleader scratched her head. "Nah, not really."

"What a surprise," Chisame deadpanned.

"I think she was just bluffing," Kakizaki explained. "Trying to scare us. But yeah, even if worst comes to push, I think I'll keep on fighting for Negi-kun."

"You sound awfully sure about that," Misora distrusted. "You sure you know exactly what are you really saying?"

Misa scoffed. "What do you think I am, a baby? No offense, Cocone-chan."

"None taken." The child's expression kept remained blank.

"And why are you so protective of someone you barely know?" Chisame questioned.

Misa smiled again. "Because I want to get to know him better, of course. I like him."

The three other 2-A members recoiled at such a casual confession. Cocone didn't even blink.

"You... 'like' him?" Chisame questioned.

"Yes, I do," Misa mused happily. "At first I just thought he was cute, but now I think he's totally wonderful. He's brave, smart, honest and loyal. Polite and charming, generous and understanding. He can take orders, he doesn't speak out of line. In other words, the perfect man!"

"Perfect brat, you mean!" Chisame snarled. "And I thought Iincho was bad, but you're even more shameless!"

Misa shook a finger. " _Wroooong_! Unlike Iincho, I don't like him because he's a kid! I like him despite him being a kid, because he has the virtues that will make a wonderful man! Do you think he'll be a Chibi forever? In only a few years, he'll grow up to be a young man, tall like all foreigners, with a good salary already secured! All I have to do is to get him to like me back from now, and he'll be fixated on me for all his adult life, too! It's the principle of imprinting! I saw it once on National Geographic!"

"You compare a growing boy with a chick coming out of the egg? Seriously?" Chisame grimaced.

"I'm pretty sure that's called child grooming and highly illegal," Hakase said.

"We're all animals deep inside!" Misa declared.

"Well, _you_ are, obviously," Chisame said.

"And there's no one better to tame that little bird than me!" Misa continued as if she hadn't said anything. "Yeah, in a few years, I'll have the best boyfriend you can get in this town! Oh, the wonderful fruits of patient work!" She stood up, perched her hands on her hips and laughed.

"My God, she's the reincarnation of Genji Hikaru!" Misora made a disgusted face.

"Not only does she have the edge over you three... but unlike you, she's actually willing to do it, too..." Cocone flatly whispered.

Misora pinched her in a shoulder, making her to whimper and sob in tiny breaths. "Keep saying that nonsense and I'll fill your socks with coal, then force you walk with them on!"

* * *

 

**Interlude- Xelloss' Christmas:**

Gotham City at midnight.

For a being who fed on negative emotions, Gotham certainly was an exquisite buffet of the all you can eat variety. Even more delicious than the triple banana split the priest was savoring at the Mega Gotham Mall's largest ice cream parlor, though not by much. His physical form had always loved ice cream.

He knew the police would already be on a manhunt for him after his little push at Arkham, but he was as worried as a man who had just been told he was being hunted by tadpoles. They'd never even find him if he didn't want for them to. Not even the resident vigilante could.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Probably.

Honestly, it was such a shame the man hadn't been born a Mazoku.

Now, you could have sworn a time like Christmas would put a damper on a negative emotions-eater. But in fact, it only made it all the sweeter. The priest just rejoiced as his body picked the frustrations floating all around him. The anger of those who couldn't buy themselves new cars. The hopelessness of the homeless begging right outside, at the snowy streets. The terror of those now reading the headlines.

_'Joker & Scarecrow Escape Arkham.'_

And just a bit lower:

_'Stephenie Meyer to be awarded Newberry Medal'_

He savored the banana mouthful carefully, feeling it slowly melting on his tongue.

The pretty redheaded and freckled waitress approached him with a forced, plastic smile. The inner rage she felt over having to work at Christmas Eve was overwhelming to his senses. Delightful.

"Something else, Father?" she asked, her polite voice almost masquerading her inner turmoil successfully.

He smiled back, but his smile was, for once, honest.

"The bill, if you please. I think I've eaten enough for a night."

And then, because even _he_ wasn't a total ass, he left her a nice tip. It was _very_ good ice-cream…

* * *

 

**Act 5:**

The five girls remained silent for a few moments, sitting together watching the horizon. After the uncomfortable topic of Negi as a possible future pairing had been brought up, pretty much everyone but Misa had seemed to have hit a sudden communication block, and Misa herself just seemed to be waiting for someone to break the silence, for once. Until she apparently got sick of it and simply asked,

"So, in this time of hopes for the future and stuff... Mind if I ask you what do you wanna do in your futures?"

Hakase perked up, her glasses glinting. "Naturally, I aim to occupy a spot in the eternal halls of scientific glory," she exposed. "Ah, for the golden day my accomplishments are put next to those of Bolivar Trask! Lorelei Geitlin! Earl Lloyd Asplund! Thomas Oscar Morrow!"

"Victor Von Frankenstein!" Chisame intervened.

Her roommate gave her an annoyed glare. "I'm being serious, Chisame."

The other girl shrugged. "So am I."

Misa laughed. "Oh, I never thought I'd say this, but you two are a riot! How about you, Misora?"

"Me?" the young sister blinked. "Ahhh, I dunno. I haven't stopped to plan it all through yet. Why to hurry? Still, for now, I'd like nothing better than getting a lot of recognition at the Order. To be respected, you know? So Sister Shakti and Sister Sanada and even Father Garterbelt have to clap their hands at me when I graduate, AND LIKE IT! Now that'll shut my folks up! Honestly, the way they keep telling me I'd better not disappoint them after all the time and effort they have invested on me EACH FREAKING TIME they call-!"

"... Father Garterbelt?" Misa and Chisame said at the same time.

"He's huge, scary and loud, so we tend to avoid making public comments on his name," Kasuga offered.

Cocone nodded stoically.

"And if you ever meet him, never ask him about his hair," Misora warned.

"God, no," Cocone whispered.

"Anyway, after that's done..." Misora carelessly crossed her legs, "I want to retire with a name made for myself, hang the habit, marry and have kids."

Chisame huffed. "Should've known you wouldn't have the devotion needed for the nun job."

"Give me a break!" Misora protested. "It's a very hard life! I was allured by fake promises! I thought it'd be easier than a normal magical academy! But they lied! Not only do they make me to study magic, but to take normal classes, too, and clean the church to boot! Aaarrghhh, when I find the pig who always sticks obscene messages for me with gum behind the head of St. Paul, I'll send him straight to the Sixth Circle of Hell! No, worse! I'll seal his soul into a toilet!"

"Misora is popular with our congregation's younger members," Cocone calmly explained. "Sometimes, they even follow her to the track to watch her in those short shorts, sweating and-"

Chisame stopped her, gently placing a finger on her mouth. "Please. On a day like this, I'd like to keep some last vestige of faith in the innocence of childhood."

"And you, Coco-chan?" Misa put a hand on her right shoulder. "What are your dreams for the future?"

"I want..." the child breathed reverently, lifting her even, quiet gaze up to the sky, slowly, "I want to be a Magistra Magi to make my family proud."

"That sounds very commendable," Misa admitted.

"Thank you," the little girl nodded a bit.

"And you, Chisame-chan?" the cheerleader grinned perversely.

"That's no business of yours!" the hacker snapped.

"Ooo, touchy! I'd bet it's a very big, very scandalous dream, then!" Misa teased. "What, you want to become a supermodel?"

"It's nothing of the sort!" Hasegawa defended herself.

"Hey, Prof, what is it?" Misa asked Satomi. "You must know, right?"

"Don't tell her anything!" Chisame all but screamed.

Hakase blinked. "Tell her about what? You've never told me about your dreams, either..."

"For real?" Misa turned disapproving eyes to Chisame. "What a bad roommate you are, Chisame-chan... You shouldn't have secrets with those you share a room with..."

"That's my business," Hasegawa looked aside.

Kakizaki smiled again. "You haven't decided on anything yet, have you?"

"Wh-What if I haven't?" Chisame sputtered.

Misa reached over and pushed a stray lock of brown hair off her face. "A girl as pretty as you could have any future she strived for..." she whispered. "You only need to trust yourself more..."

Chisame backed away in alarm. "D-Don't joke with me like that!"

Misa poked the tip of her tongue out. "Ohh, partypooper! But really, I'm not joking! Just do something about those zits and that horrible wardrobe of yours, and you'll be able to knock anyone's socks off!"

Hakase nodded. "As a matter of fact, when she-"

The murderous glare Chisame shot her immediately reminded her Misa wasn't in on the secret of Chiu yet.

The cheerleader paused for a moment waiting for Hakase to finish the sentence. When it didn't happen, she briefly gave Chisame a questioning glare, but it only was met with another pretension of ignorance. Misa sighed and realized she wouldn't get anything that way.

Kakizaki, instead, stretched her arms up. "As for me, I wish to become a superstar. Singer, actress, model, the whole package."

"That doesn't come as a surprise," Chisame said, recovering part of her usual snarkiness.

Misa's smile widened. "But above it all, as of now, I wish for Negi-kun."

"Again with that," Chisame muttered.

Misa opened her arms, willing to raise the stakes now. Loudly, she announced, "That's why tonight, at Konoka's party, I'm going to take him under the mistletoe and kiss him before everyone! That way, I'm going to make clear I have absolute dibs on him!"

Misora, Chisame and Hakase all looked at her with complete and utter terror. Even Cocone's expression had, finally, changed, to one of slight curiosity.

Kakizaki smirked and blinked an eye at them. "Unless, of course, anyone wants to get there first..."

* * *

 

**Interlude- The Scarecrow's Christmas:**

"Ah. Here you are."

The voice came as soft and hushed, fond and kind, as the tall, lanky man clad in rags walked inside of the old dilapidated house, shaking the snow off himself. As the huge old crow flew to greet him, cawing loudly, he extended a hand ahead, allowing it to perch itself on his arm.

"Craw, my old friend, my only friend. It's been so long, I was afraid you might be gone. I looked through all the old hideouts, dodging all the police search parties, but it was worth it," a bony hand caressed the feathered black head, the other one holding a big brown bag slightly stained by dark red.

The crow cawed again, flapping its wings around.

"We'll be traveling shortly, Craw, my dear," the man whispered. "I'm going to be teaching again, and hopefully, we won't see that despicable Bat in a long time. It'll be a long trip, but we don't have anything to fear as long as we're together. Isn't that right?"

"KRAWW! KRAWW!"

"I know, I know. Merry Christmas to you, my good Craw. I brought your favorite gifts."

He pulled the first eyeball out of the bag and carefully put it in the bird's beak. The crow gulped it down quickly, and the man's lips curved up in a warm smile.

"At the very least, the derelicts and rejects of society do have a use," he mused. "No one misses them after they're missing. Have a good Christmas dinner, my friend. I brought you more than enough."

* * *

 

**Act 6:**

Sakurazaki Setsuna paused uncomfortably before the apartment's door, pondering her choices.

She very well could simply turn and leave. She could call afterwards and excuse herself. Saying she caught a cold. Yes, that could work. It was a cold day, after all.

Then again, perhaps Ojou-sama would need closer vigilance this evening, she told herself. Violent groups and the mentally unbalanced often chose such festivities to strike, and Mahora offered no shortage of the latter, at the very least.

The young swordswoman hummed softly to herself, scowling and tapping a foot on the floor. Choices, choices. Both being too far and being too close were definite no-nos. Perhaps she could hide between the branches of a nearby tree and watch through the window. But what about when Ojou-sama walked into the kitchen? Ah! She needed to wire that apartment! She could ask Hakase for help... one of those secret video surveillance systems... with infrared capability so she could see whn the lights were off… and recording equipment… and she should probably wire the bathroom too, so that she'd be able to watch Ojou-sama there… you know, in case someone kidnapped her while she was in the shower…

Then she found herself face to face with a sharp, bright green eye and a blue one. The door had just been opened from the inside, and Asuna had just stepped out to unwittingly shatter Setsuna's Watergate dreams.

"Ah! G-Good afternoon!" Sakurazaki composed herself quickly, bowing formally. "I... I hope I'm not showing too early..."

"Only by two hours," Asuna dryly stated. "But never mind, get inside. Konoka'll be happy to see you actually made it..." Then she frowned. "Sakurazaki-san, your nose is bleeding."

"Is it?" Setsuna said, hastily wiping the blood away. "It must be the cold."

"Set-chan?" a happy, cheerful, wonderful voice rang from deep within the apartment, growing closer fast as Konoka ran to greet her childhood friend with a hug. "Oh, Set-chan, you really came! And before anyone else, too!"

"G-Good afternoon, Oj-Konoe-san," she awkwardly stammered, fighting herself to remain her usual aloof self with those arms squeezing her so tightly against that beautifully warm, soft body, with its full, succulent breasts… "I hope I'm not intruding! I brought you a gift on the occasion of this special date!"

Konoka quickly released her, blinking in surprise. "A gift for me? Set-chan, you shouldn't have!"

The girl with the ponytail rasped softly before holding a small wrapped box for her. "It isn't much, but please accept this small token of my appreciation." Setsuna immediately berated herself. No, no! That had been too intimate, too personal! It wouldn't do at all!

Konoka curiously held her gift up. "Can I open it now?"

"If you wish to..." Setsuna attempted to sound distant again.

"Shouldn't you wait until everyone's here so we can open our gifts at once as we had planned?" Asuna reminded her roommate.

"Ah, it's true!" Konoka giggled, lightly knocking a fist on her own head. "I forgot! I have a gift for you too, Set-chan! But you'll wait until the party's climax, won't you?" she asked.

"For me?" the kendoka was honestly surprised. After so long, did Ojou-sama still care enough about her for that? "Of... Of course I'll wait as long as it takes..."

"Excellent! Come in, then!" Konoka grabbed her hand and began to lead her in, but then Asuna stood on their way.

"Yeah, yeah, just leave the sword aside first, okay?" the redhead pointed at the long wrapped blade Setsuna was carrying on her back. "We're going to have kids here, and I don't want anyone poking an eye out with that."

"What do you mean? Yuunagi will never leave my reach!" Setsuna became almost indignant. "I'd never allow anyone to touch it! It is a valuable masterpiece!"

Asuna blinked. "It's an artwork?"

"No, 'masterpiece', as in something an apprentice makes to show that he is a master of his chosen craft," Setsuna said. "Really, you should listen to Negi-sensei's lessons more, Kagurazaka-san."

"Still, no one in their right mind carries a thing like that during a Christmas party! Sheesh, I'll bet you even go to the toilet with that thing..." Asuna complained, shaking her head.

"Of course I don't!" Setsuna lied quite convincingly.

"Come on, Set-chan, just for a few hours..." Konoka pleaded. "I promise we'll take the best care of it..."

Sakurazaki looked hesitant, but finally relented and silently handed Yuunagi over to Asuna. The taller girl was surprised at noticing the blade's weight, even for a strong girl like her. "Setsuna, this weighs a frickin' ton! What kind of vitamins do you take?"

The swordsgirl lifted her chin up just a bit. "It's simply the result of long and devoted training."

Asuna gave Setsuna's very thin arms a dubious look. "Ah, yeah. Sure."

Then someone knocked at the door. "I'm coming!" Konoka skipped over to open, finding a haggard, slumped over Itoshiki Nozomu at their doorstep, his head covered by snow. "Itoshiki-sensei?"

The man's voice spazzed unevenly. "Am I too early?"

"You're never late," Asuna commented. "In either sense."

"Sensei, why is your head all but buried in snow?" Setsuna asked warily.

"Sakurazaki-san, my family, arrogant as it may sound, is one gifted with many resources," he blandly said. "Never underestimate an Itoshiki's capacity for attempting suicide by suffocating within the icy white heart of this season, even under an unusually bright sun."

Asuna gave him a closer look. "Isn't that yellow snow in your mouth?"

He quickly spat it out and straightened up. "I knew there was something hauntingly wrong with the flavor! Quickly! I need to wash my lips and tongue off!"

Konoka helpfully pointed inside. "The washroom's at the end of that hall..."

"Thank you." Before rushing inside, he stopped at Asuna's side, looking at the sword still in her hands. "Is this a gift for me? Interesting. I never had contemplated self-beheading before..."

Asuna just kicked him down the hall. "Try not to drown into the toilet, will you?"

* * *

 

**Interlude: Natsuki's Christmas.**

Under a clear yet cold sky, the long haired pretty girl crouched down before the grave with a small, sad smile on her face.

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

She carefully placed the bouquet of red roses before the gravestone, shivering as the icy breeze blew over her. Even with her sweater on, she felt a deadly chill running through her body. But ironically, mostly coming from inside.

"I'm going to find that person soon," she promised. "Still working on it."

Tentatively, she reached over with a hand and ran her fingers impotently over the gravestone, a few tears coming to her eyes in silence.

"I swear I won't fail you," she whispered. "Your death won't be in vain."

She felt stupid and empty. She didn't believe in the afterlife. She knew she was just wasting her breath. Her mother would never feel anything again, would never know what she was doing for her sake. And yet, until revenge could be had, that was the only thing, the only shallow pretense, that could mildly satisfy the unending hole burning through her heart, ironically freezing her inside.

"I'm working with someone I think could help me," she voiced, feeling the need to elaborate.

She buried her face between her hands and cried.

"It's the only thing I have now."

* * *

 

**Act 7:**

There were two solid, fast knocks at the door.

Not Konoka's door, by the way. Nodoka and Yue's. We have just changed scenes again. I just couldn't bring myself to put a 'Meanwhile, at Nodoka and Yue's Room...!' without hearing the narrator of Super Friends saying it, so I didn't.

So, as I was saying, meanwhile, at Nodoka and Yue's room, there were two solid, fast knocks at the door… oh, darn!

"Coming," Yue said calmly, buttoning her collar up with one hand while the other held the onion juice box she was finishing sucking dry. As she rolled the last few drops onto her tongue, she opened to see Saotome Haruna standing there with a gigantic grin, loaded with gift boxes and wearing a micro mini-skirted red Santa suit, complete with hat and tall boots. Yue spat onion freshness all over her own feet. "H-Haruna! Don't tell me you're going to Konoka's part dressed like that!"

The tall busty girl looked down at herself. "What's wrong with it? Ku-chan liked it!"

"We're talking about a girl who thinks Jackie Chan is sexy, Haruna," Yue exhaled in exasperation. "You're going to flash your panties at Negi-sensei if you don't stand perfectly straight and still at all times..."

"Oh. Do you think I'd better take them off before going, then?" she said evilly, her thick eyebrows quivering with sheer perversity.

"Only if you put them on your face instead," Yue deadpanned. "Hopefully, they'll finally get the clue and have you committed."

"Oh, Nodoka!" Haruna called out. "Yue's being mean to me again!"

Nodoka's head peeked out from the bathroom, her bangs briefly swinging aside to reveal a pair of huge beautiful bright eyes. "Oh, Haruna, good afternoon! I'll be there in a minute!" The head retreated back quickly.

"So, who are all those gifts for?" Yue asked as Haruna walked inside and plopped herself down on the couch, crossing her legs. This actually mad ethe outfit _worse_ , somehow, despite managing to conceal her underwear.

"Well, I have one for you, one for Nodoka, and one for Sensei, naturally," the mangaka smiled insolently. "And one for Kono-chan, since she's been such a good club member, and it's her party, and it's always good to have her buttered up." For some reason, Haruna briefly licked her lips after saying that, and Yue knew she had just had another of her Freudian slips. "In the flattered sense, I mean."

"Of course," Yue played along.

"And I also bought gifts for Chisame-chan, and Misa, and Madoka and Sakurako, and Kaede, and-"

"That's a lot of money," Yue was reasonably impressed. "I thought your father's Dojo didn't have that much business."

Haruna shrugged. "Mom always finds her ways to make as much as we need..."

"Okay," Yue wisely chose not to go there. "But why to bother? I doubt Chisame and the others will give you anything in trade."

Haruna's eyes glinted for a moment. "It's for the flags!"

Ayase's eyes became pinpoints for a second. "The whats?"

"It's very simple, actually. It's like playing a videogame. Ever played 'Love Puni'? To get the maximum score and the perfect ending, you must get all the 'flags' or goals to be met with each character," the taller girl explained with evident joy.

"You mean beating them down in less than twenty seconds, or some such nonsense?" Yue asked her.

Haruna slammed a hand on her own face. "That's a beat'em up, Yue! I mean a different kind of videogame!"

The tiny girl paused before making a distressed face. "You don't mean-!"

Haruna looked away innocently. "Oops. I may have said too much."

"You know no boundaries," Yue observed.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing."

"Be serious for once," the shorter student's expression grew harsher. "Are Nodoka and me 'flags' in that game of yours, too?"

Haruna lost her smile for a moment before it returned, but in a more sedate, pleasant and gentle way. She fondly ran a hand over Yue's head. "You know I'd never treat our friendship as a plaything."

"That's good to know."

"And besides, I already made enough progress on you two, saved the game, and only need to achieve the last few events..."

"HARUNA!"

"What? You were my first ever selected routes! You should be honored!" she cackled.

Nodoka walked out of the room finishing fixing her skirt up. "What are you two talking about now?"

"Haruna's being a disgusting pervert again," Yue scowled.

"Yue just can't take a joke," Saotome casually feigned innocence. "But that's part of her natural cuteness."

Nodoka gave her a knowing glare. "Haruna..."

"What?"

"That skirt is too short. Your panties are showing."

"How nice of you to notice! And so quickly, too!"

Nodoka blushed immediately. "I-I-I just happened to notice it accidentally!"

"Accidentally?" Yue scoffed. "You'd have to be blind to not notice it. That's it; next meeting, I'm proposing the club to start setting higher clothing requirements for all members named Saotome..."

* * *

 

**Interlude- Ritsuko's Christmas:**

The shapely blond woman stood quietly until the black haired young woman was gone, and only then did she stepped out of her discreet hiding place behind the cemetery's largest trees. She knew their paths would cross later, but that would have to wait at least a few months. In the meanwhile, she had bigger things to do, to make sure her gambit would work without destroying what was left of the timeline.

She walked past Kuga Saeko's grave, heading towards a smaller, more humble final resting place surrounded by two larger graves. She stopped there, lowering her head and tightening her brown coat further against her body. She hadn't come to talk, but after witnessing Natsuki's emotional display, she felt moved enough to actually voice her own feelings, useless as it was. At least, she reasoned, it would provide her with some much needed emotional release.

"I'm sorry to tell you I haven't found your replacement yet," she whispered.

Akagi Ritsuko felt, once again, like slapping herself. That had been a very stupid, callous thing to say, even to a dead person. What annoyed her about it, actually, was how it reflected her own personality. It still was the same kind of statement she was far too used to making, and old habits died really hard.

She still tended to think of people only in terms of their roles.

The woman knelt down, hoping to pay a better tribute that way.

"I never got to meet you." Her voice was the only sound in the whole graveyard. "And this time, you never got to meet those who would be your comrades, either. I think it's unfair you were denied that chance while I got another opportunity to make up for my mistakes. But at the very least, you're with your parents now."

The airplane accident had claimed the girl's life as well in the current iteration. A relatively trivial tragedy for the world at large, but a major disgrace for the big scheme of things. Ritsuko inwardly cursed herself. She was thinking only in terms of the big picture again.

But it was, after all, a dead young woman, much like the Children Dr. Akagi had once used herself, lifetimes ago. Not only a Senshi, but an innocent life full of hopes cut short.

"Please forgive us all," the blonde whispered anew. "I only can promise I'll try to protect this world in your behalf."

She stood up slowly. Another missing piece of the puzzle. Another life changed beyond repair. Another chink on the armor of time.

And somewhere out there, the culprit ignored the true ramifications of her actions. Much like Ritsuko herself once had.

The Senshi of Time sighed fornlornly, walking away. Christmas always made her to feel miserable.

Behind her, the gravestone stood as silently and still as it always would.

_Kino Makoto. Beloved Daughter and Friend._

* * *

 

**Act 8:**

As the Library Trio walked outside under the cold yet mostly sunny late December sky, Haruna flung the bag full of gifts over her shoulder like a real Santa Claus.

"You really are going to get have a problem over that ridiculous getup," Yue warned, tightening her scarf over her own short neck. "Iincho will chew you up, for starters."

"Nothing bad will happen. I trust Christmas miracles," Saotome offered cheerfully.

"It'll be a miracle if you don't get arrested for indecent exposure," Ayase countered. "Hell, it'll a miracle you don't get hypothermia!"

Nodoka laughed good naturedly. "I think it's a pretty costume, it's just the skirt needs to be longer."

"It favors the bust rather nicely too, doesn't it?" the artist pushed her breasts up a bit. "It's all about the right approach to visual appeal tactics. Primary colors like red and white, coupled with a well known pop culture icon, are universally accepted signs that call over to people of all walks of life. Plus, breasts."

Yue grumbled, giving a brief look at her own flat figure. Haruna quickly bit her own tongue and went into another rapid tangent.

"W-Well, what matters is, this is both cute and sexy! With it, I'm gonna get my best ever Christmas present, I'm sure!"

"What is that?" Nodoka curiously asked.

Haruna giggled cagily. "A little tasty English treat under the mistletoe."

"P-Paru!" Nodoka blushed crimson, gasping loudly. "You wouldn't!"

"Why not?" the tall girl arched an eyebrow. "Oh, sorry, hadn't thought of it. You wanna go first?"

Nodoka's blush intensified to a point it went past into a nearly black face. "G-G-Going first with who?-!"

"Well, if it's with me, I'm flattered," Haruna batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly. "I hadn't given it too much of a serious thought, but if it's okay with you... Now, if you're talking about Sensei, well, I had hoped to get in there first, but I can allow you to-"

Yue blandly kicked her in a shin. "Nodoka isn't a sex fiend like you!"

"O-Of course I'm not!" the shy girl protested, pressing her arms down against her front and lowering her gaze, trying not to think of the copies of _Lolita_ and _The Complete Works of the Marquis de Sade_ she had hidden in her closet.

Haruna actually looked disappointed. "You actually sure, Nodoka? All jokes aside, if you're ever going to get rid of that phobia of men you have, you should start aiming low... if you know what I mean..."

Yue scoffed, lifting her tiny nose up. "Negi-sensei is aiming too high for you, Haruna."

"Oh, I know he's a great catch, despite his... size and age problems," Haruna was undeterred. "I just mean, well, our Nodoka should start with a man who isn't fully a man yet... you know, to get used to it step by step..."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Yue grunted.

Fortunately for her, they already had reached Konoka's dorm. Yue got to the door first, ringing the doorbell and being greeted by her fellow Baka Red. "Good afternoon, Asuna," she said.

"Ah, Yue, Honya-chan!" Asuna greeted back. "Welcome! Glad to have you here!" Then she shot Haruna a glare. "Hey, what's up with that suit? We're going to have kids here! Don't you have any shame?"

"Don't you have any Christmas spirit?" Saotome feigned being pained as she walked after her two closest friends. "You're so rough! And after I brought you a gift, too!"

"You did?" Asuna blinked. "Well, thanks, but-"

"Don't mention it! I forgive you!" Haruna sat down before the TV, turning it on and beginning flipping through channels. "Do you get American channels in this thing?"

"I could get you a longer skirt..." Asuna offered, being utterly ignored by the red clad girl. "I wouldn't mind lending it to you..."

"Forgive us for bringing her, please," Yue apologized, bowing. "Where's Konoka?"

"Oh, she's at the kitchen, getting the turkey ready," Asuna replied. "Setsuna's with her, and Itoshiki-sensei is using the bathroom..."

"KAGURAZAKA-KUN!" a man's voice bellowed from further inside. "Exactly what is this thing behind the toilet seat?"

Asuna's pigtails stood up.

"And why's this photo of Takahata-sensei right next to it?" Nozomu's voice continued.

Asuna's face changed into several different shades of red, purple and green at random intervals.

"Furthermore, why is this-" he went on.

"EXCUSE ME!" Asuna told her guests before zooming down the hall, disappearing from sight seconds before the heavy sounds of mauling and violence came from the bathroom in force, Itoshiki's questions being replaced by his deafening yowls of agony.

Nodoka simply stood in place, turned into a veritable salt statue.

Haruna, on the other hand, just gave Yue a knowing wink and a nod. "See? Deep inside, we're all the same anyway!"

Yue sighed deeply. "I'll need a stronger drink than the usual…"

* * *

 

**Interlude: Chao's Christmas.**

She had been having the same troubling dreams again. In her dreams, Kaede fell down pierced by spears of light. Ku Fei suffocated inside of a block of ice. Haruna was surrounded by fire, and Nodoka was struck down by lightning. Konoka, Chisame, Ako and Akira were drowning. Chachamaru was mercilessly ripped apart. And that was only the beginning. Everything got worse after it.

She had never been there herself, but the historical reports had been enough to burn the whole picture into her head. Always a failure to some degree. Was she partially responsible for it, after all? Should she have done more about it instead of only focusing on her own project?

The details varied from time to time, but the core problem was always the same. And always, every single time, she couldn't do a single thing to change the general outcome. Disaster after disaster. It was enough to make anyone but her the quitting type.

How do you beat destiny itself? Could it be done after all? What was the code, the course of action she hadn't cracked? Was there one to begin with?

No, there had to be a way out. Otherwise, her whole life would lack any purpose.

(But what if it DID lack it?)

She tried to shake the annoying tiny defeatist voice in the back of her mind. No, she was Chao Lingshen. Supergenius supreme. All she had to do was to succeed at the festival just once, once and for all, and the disaster could be avoided. There was no point on trying to fix it after a defeat at the Festival. She had to succeed at her only intended goal; fantasizing about going with them beyond that was pointless.

But to succeed at the Festival, she needed her right hand back. Satomi.

She tried to ignore the little voice in her head that treacherously reminded her that the clinical definition of insanity was to repeatedly perform an action hoping for a different result…

"What's wrong with you lately, Chao?"

The question took her by surprise, although it shouldn't have. She was actually slipping, after all.

The black haired (allegedly) Chinese girl lifted her eyes from the pork buns she was cooking and turned them towards the door frame, where Satomi stood with Satsuki at her left and Ku at her right.

"Satomi-chan!"

"Merry Christmas," Hakase said passively. "May I come in?"

"You know you always can," Lingshen welcomed her. "What's kept you away for so long?"

Hakase was not amused. "Please, don't take me for a fool. We both know what happened with Evangeline and Chachamaru."

Chao sighed, keeping one eye on the buns. "I apologize over that, but mostly over not explaining it sooner. I thought you'd need more time to cool down about it, since you were avoiding me..."

"I have been... very busy lately," Satomi reluctantly admitted.

"I see," Chao thoughtfully nodded. "Satomi, to be honest, I... gave Chachamaru her free will because I thought it was the right thing to do. I know I should've consulted you it with first, but I was in a situation where I couldn't-"

"I understand," Hakase replied. "I was in the wrong about her. Her new emotional and behavioral venues definitely are a more interesting field than her old set of pre-programmed reactions... but mostly, it's better for her this way. She deserves being able to decide her own life."

Chao smiled very cutely. "I'm glad you agree with me there-yo!"

Hakase smiled back, awkward and slow. "I'd like to re-start our prior status of relationships."

Lingshen clapped happily. "Whenever you want!"

"But I must warn you, I won't have as much free time to spend with you as before."

Chao smirked knowingly. "Spending much more time with Negi-bouzou now, aren't you?"

Hakase blushed and laughed goofily. "Is it that evident?"

Ku broke her unusual silence pounding on her from behind, and rubbing a fist playfully on her head. "Ahh, naughty Satomi-chan! You kept it well hidden-aru...!"

"It's... It's nothing like that!" Hakase weakly protested.

"Now, why were you asking me what's wrong with me-ne?" Chao said, seriously.

Satomi cringed a bit, embarrassed. "Um, nothing, forget it! I just was pointlessly shooting my mouth off!"

"Hmmmm," the Chinese genius quickly smiled again. "So, will you be attending our Christmas dinner tonight? You can bring Negi-bouzou and Chisame, too!"

"Oh, thanks, but... we got an invitation to Konoka-san's party first. Sorry," the girl with glasses apologized.

"Oh, I see. It's okay. Give everyone there our regards then-yo!"

"I'll give you some snacks to bring there," Satsuki offered Satomi. "I made a few especially for Negi-sensei."

"Thanks a million," Hakase made a slight bow.

Chao patted her on a shoulder. How interesting. She was more socially conscious than ever before. A highly wonderful, even if scary, development.

Perhaps it could be played to the plan's advantage, even.

* * *

 

**Act 8,5:**

Chisame and Negi were waiting for her, dressed for the occasion, by the time Hakase finally made it back to the apartment.

"Did it go smoothly?" Hasegawa asked her.

"I believe so, yes," Satomi nodded a few times. "I managed to get my point across to Chao without offending her, I think." Then she handed the bag with Satsuki's snacks over to Negi. "Yotsuba-san sent this for you, by the way, Sensei."

"Ah!" Negi peeked inside of it. "They look delicious, Satomi-san!" At first, he had insisted on going with her to the Chao Bao Zi to give his Christmas greetings to Chao's bunch, but Chisame had managed to convince him it'd be best for Lingshen and Hakase to solve their differences alone and personally.

"Yeah, yeah, that's just dandy," Hasegawa nodded quickly. "Can we go to the party now? The sooner it begins, the sooner it ends, I figure..."

"Now who's the one who doesn't have any Christmas spirit?" Chamo asked.

"There's a big difference between the spirit of Christmas and the spirit of masochism. Sharing a quiet evening with those you live with is the former, going to inane parties is the latter," Chisame explained.

"What kind of reasoning is that?-!" the ermine yelped.

"One that works for me," Chisame all but pushed the other three to the door. "Now, now, let's not waste any time. Hopefully we'll at least get there before Kasuga hogs all the tastier dishes."

"Again, I don't think that's in accordance with the spirit of the holidays!" Chamo protested.

* * *

 

**Interlude- Ichigo's Christmas:**

"So, um, where are you living now, Ichigo?" Rukia had finally asked as they walked back from killing the latest Hollow to show up in the area.

The tall boy marching next to her with his hands in his pockets shot her a brief jaded glare. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing," she replied in the same tone. "Just asking."

He hummed before shrugging his shoulders. "Over there. I got myself a small apartment right out of Mahora. I'll have to stay there until my powers come back and I'm allowed back into Soul Society."

"I see," she vaguely nodded. "Well, can I have your exact address, then? Just to locate you more easily if I have anything to ask you about the Hollows, or anything like that."

"Ah, sure," he grunted, stopping only long enough to pull a small piece of paper and a pen out, writing quickly before handing the note over to the human girl. "Here."

"Thanks," she said, and neither of them said anything else about the matter.

But that evening, Ichigo found a small packaged cake on his doorstep. He figured out it had to be because of that 'Christmas' thing the humans were celebrating. The cake was obviously, even for him, bought from a store, and it didn't seem too expensive.

But the horrible rabbits hand drawn on the package along the 'MERRY X-MAS' message only could come from a single pair of hands.

Kami, those rabbits were the most hideous thing he ever had seen.

And yet he didn't have the heart to toss them into the trash.

* * *

 

**Act 9:**

Konoka had guessed it was Ayaka at the door by her way of ringing.

She knew it sounded stupid, and that was why she never told anyone about it, but she could guess a few people's identities just by the way they rang. With Iincho, it was pretty much like her voice; clear and imperative, yet also elegant and sincere. It sounded loudly, yet never repeating itself unless a lot of time passed, in which case it sounded harder and harsher, but never desperate. Like Iincho herself giving a command, expecting to be obeyed in the spot.

Konoka, of course, happily obeyed.

"Good aftenoon, Iincho!" the words left her mouth just as she was opening the front door for the blonde.

"Good afternoon to you too, Konoka-san, and Merry Christmas," Ayaka bowed formally in turn. She was wearing an elaborate, nearly angelic looking white dress, and one of her maids, the tallest one with the sharp icy eyes behind huge round glasses, stood behind her carrying a huge and heavy looking box in her arms.

"Huh?" Asuna approached as well, with Setsuna following. "Oh, it's you, Iincho. What's cookin'."

Ayaka made a slight sneering. "Merry Christmas, Asuna-san, Sakurazaki-san."

"The same to you, Iincho-san," Setsuna bowed respectfully.

Ayaka looked up and down at her. "Sakurazaki-san, whatever happened to your training sword?"

"We have it stored until the party ends, but if you want to commit Seppuku..." Asuna smirked caustically.

Ayaka smirked back. "Oh, no! As my gracious hostess, I insist on you going first, Asuna-san!"

"Ah, ha ha, you two..." Konoka made her way to the maid and bowed. "Glad to see you too, Roberta-san. Wish to spend the party with us?"

"Oh, no, I couldn't," the woman quickly replied. "I only came to bring this for Ojou-sama, and I'll simply pick her up later tonight. In the meantime, I won't intrude."

"It's not intruding!" Konoka laughed. "The more, the merrier! Don'tcha think, Asuna?"

Her roommate shrugged. "If that's okay with you..."

"I simply couldn't-" Roberta insisted before Ayaka hushed her with a brief hand gestured.

"I'm fine with it as well, Roberta-san. You've more than earned it."

"Thank you so very much for your kindness, Ojou-sama," Roberta replied.

"Well, then leave that box under the tree and relax yourself!" the Konoe heiress chirped. "I'll go bring some drinks!" She retreated back to the kitchen.

As Roberta did as told, Setsuna couldn't help noticing the dry solid thud the box made upon hitting the floor. "I hope I'm not being rude, but what do you have in there?" she warily asked.

Ayaka chuckled. "My Christmas gift for Negi-sensei, naturally. I couldn't be satisfied with just anything. It had to reflect the depths of my appreciation for him!"

"Had any problems finding sex shops open this season?" Asuna dryly asked her.

"Why?" Ayaka stared daggers at her. "Interested in the subject?"

Asuna waved a hand. "Sorry, that wasn't funny. Look, neither of us wants to ruin Konoka's party, so let's bury the hatchet just for tonight. Because it's Christmas, and all that junk."

Ayaka paused for a moment before nodding. "I agree."

Asuna smiled and extended a hand. "Deal, then?"

The Class Rep shook the offered hand. "Deal!"

A few seconds later, they let each other go after squeezing their hands as hard as they could. Their hands had even been left red as raw meat.

Setsuna and Roberta quietly sighed.

"So, where's the mistletoe?" Ayaka asked, looking around.

"The what?" Asuna questioned.

"The mistletoe, of course!" Ayaka said. "What kind of ignorant are you? It's a Christmas tradition! You need to have at least one mistletoe spot at any Christmas celebration! Fortunately, I had the foresight to predict such a misstep on your part! Roberta-san!" She snapped her fingers.

The maid quickly pulled a few branches of mistletoe from a large pocket of her apron. "It's right here, Ojou-sama!"

"Over that door!" Ayaka pointed to a random nearby door.

"That's the way to the bathroom!" Asuna said. "What bad taste!"

"Oh, sorry!" the Iincho excuse herself. "Over that other, then!" She pointed at the door leading to the small dinning room, and Roberta quickly hung it there with somewhat clumsy hands.

"What's that for?" Asuna asked with vivid curiosity.

"You really don't know?" Ayaka incredulously asked.

"Nope!"

"Me neither," Setsuna admitted.

Ayaka exhaled a sigh. How to explain that to a Baka Ranger and a girl who understood of nothing but swords, without revealing her own plans in the process...

Then the doorbell rang again. "You'll explain later," Asuna said as she went to open it. "Hey, brat, Chisame and the Prof!" she greeted, and Ayaka's heart jumped up in joy. "Ew, you brought that weasel again?-!"

Ayaka was quickly retouching her makeup before her rival would lead the newcomers in. "D-Do I look fashionable enough, Roberta-san?"

"Like a film star, Ojou-sama?"

"Innocent yet seductive?"

"No doubt about it, Ojou-sama."

"How about my lipstick? Does it invite for a chaste but passionate kiss?"

"I... I wouldn't be the best person to ask about that, Ojou-sama..."

Setsuna idly wondered if she ever sounded that bad when talking to Konoka.

* * *

 

**Interlude- The Joker's Christmas:**

The tall, lanky, pale man quietly advanced through the private airport's corridors, surrounded by green gas coming out of every air duct. Three burly men wearing black and with gas masks on walked after him. One had a black bowl cut, one was bald,and the third one had red hair. Their boss had dressed himself in a black drummer outfit with shiny golden buttons, and he played a drum as he sang, in a low and melancholic tone:

_"Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum_ _A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum_ _Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum_ _To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,_ _rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum."_

Along his way, he occasionally walked over a few dead grinning bodies, their mouths stretched grotesquely. Secretaries. Security guards. Flight controllers. All of them caught in mid run by the quick poisoning, the deadly gaseous poison spreading into their lungs.

Smile-X. Just the thing to give a loved one for Christmas.

_"So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,_ _When we come."_

Calmly he strode, step by step, never losing his composure, as if acting before a most honored Queen. He had made sure to cut all alarms and communication connections before spreading the gas around. There was no hurry.

_"Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum_ _I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum_ _I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum_ _That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,_ _rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum."_

The only thing that saddened him was he couldn't spend Christmas with his Darling this year around. But he would more than make up for it next one, wouldn't he? Surely he would. That was why he was doing this, after all.

He only hoped Bats could wait for it. He always was so eager.

_"Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,_ _On my drum?"_

He walked out into the landing field, never stopping playing, firmly, steadily walking towards the only plane in sight. The three stooges followed him at a respectful distance.

A twitching human figure was making its way towards it, crawling weakly, moaning loudly, while also laughing madly at random intervals.

_"Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum_ _The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum_ _I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum_ _I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,_ _rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum."_

The Joker prided himself on being a man of many talents. Music, pilot, super villain, shooter, gang leader, serial killer, driver, negotiator, film director, scriptwriter, ringmaster, certified public accountant, hyena breeder, chemical expert, voice actor, pencil vanisher, cowboy. Artist. Comedian. How could he not share his talents with a poor, gray, sad world in need of happiness? The Gospel of Laughter needed to reach to all confines of Earth.

Even overseas. So smile, darn you, SMILE! Why so serious? So why can't you see the joke? Why aren't you **laughing**?

He stopped next to the dying pilot, smiling softly at his final jerky motions. His face had gone white and rigid, and their eyes met in a brief sharing of the same only universal truth. Joker's smile softened even more, and he sweetly cooed the last words of the song as the man breathed his final gasps of air interrupted by agony chuckles.

_"Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum._ _Me and my drum."_

He knelt down next to the dead man and gently kissed his forehead. "Thank you, and Merry Christmas. Oh, silly me."

"Forgot the mistletoe."

* * *

 

**Act 10:**

"Good afternoon, Iincho-san," her precious little angel greeted her, and Ayaka's heart felt like it was shooting itself up to the stars.

"G-Good afternoon, and Merry Christmas, Negi-sensei," the heiress brightly smiled. "You too, Hasegawa-san, Hakase-san."

"Nice dress, Iincho," Chisame sparsely complimented.

"Oh, this? Glad you like it. A gift from my father," she gracefully spun around to show it off. "Sadly, he's currently busy in America, but he promised he'd be here by New Year's..."

Standing behind her, Roberta barely repressed the urge to exhale a defeatist dry sigh. It was the same promise every year. And every year, it was broken.

"I present my best wishes for your holidays as well, Negi-sensei, young ladies," the maid mechanically said, doing an awkward curtsy that somehow looked rather unfitting a woman of her size.

Hakase blinked a few times. "... Who are you?"

Chisame elbowed her in an arm. "Stupid, don't you remember her? She's one of Iincho's servants!"

"Roberta-san is one of my most trusted aides," Ayaka said. "Please do treat her just like you would treat me."

"Why? I don't dislike her," Asuna chuckled.

Ayaka rolled her blue eyes. "Is that Santa Claus I hear on the ceiling? No, it sounds more like a dumb ape dragging her knuckles around..."

Before another discussion could break out, however, Nodoka walked in from the kitchen, closely followed by Yue. "Ah! Good afternoon, everyone! Negi-sensei!" she formally bowed to her teacher, him flawlessly doing the same thing almost immediately. "Merry Christmas!" they said at the same time.

Chamo hopped to Nodoka's feet, rubbing his head against them. With a smile, Miyazaki picked him up and cradled him around. "So, this is your pet, Sensei? Misa-san told me about him... He's very cute! What's his name?"

"Albert Chamomille," Satomi said before anyone else could.

"He has a last name?" Yue arched her right eyebrow.

"He's... a pedigreed pure-breed," Negi made up an explanation on the fly.

"Regrettably, that means the inbreeding in his highly pure bloodline gave him severe mental problems," Chisame deadpanned, much to Chamo's unspoken annoyance. "So, if he starts trying to worm into your cleavage, feel free to slam him against a wall. That usually eases his behavioral irregularities down."

"A fact proven by science," Satomi nodded, and Chamo felt himself betrayed from all sides. Even Negi's, since despite his sudden silent awkwardness, he certainly wasn't talking against the suggestion.

"I wouldn't ever-" Nodoka doubtfully started, but then stopped herself. "I mean, I'm sure I won't have any problems with him!"

"Sensei, we bought you this," Yue handed him what obviously was a gift-wrapped book. "It isn't much, but consider it a Christmas present from Nodoka and me. Please only open it at the party's end."

"Girls, thank you so very much..." he breathed. "I'm sorry, I couldn't buy you anything..."

"He spends most of his money paying his sister's studies," Chisame sighed.

"Sis' dream is expensive to achieve..." Negi lowered his head. "She's always telling me not to worry, but she always has to struggle to make ends meet."

Nodoka made a sound of sympathy. "That's such a big responsibility for someone your age..."

"Sensei, if there's anything I can help you in that regard, please do tell me!" Ayaka grabbed his hands, truly moved. "All the resources of the Yukihiro Financial Group are at your disposal!"

He sweatdropped. "Iincho, thanks, but I couldn't possibly-"

"Don't even mention it!" She let his hands go and put her own over her chest. "All that is mine is yours as well!"

"Did you NEED to put your hands over your bazoongas while saying that?" Asuna critically questioned.

Ignoring her, Ayaka continued, marching across the room, "What is money good for if it can't buy you happiness? Or buy happiness for your loved ones?" Without even noticing it, she stood under the mistletoe at the room separating the living room from the dinning room. "No investment can be of larger importance than your wellbeing! For it, I'd do anything, tolerate anything, go to any lengths! And if I'm lying, may Heaven punish me!"

At that moment, Haruna walked out of the dinning room munching on a few cookies. "Hey, how are you, Sensei? And Chisame and the Prof, too! Wanna some sweets? They're fresh off Konoka's oven, and-"

Then she noticed she was under the mistletoe with Ayaka, although the heiress herself hadn't noticed yet. "Ohh!" she mischievously chuckled.

"What?" Ayaka asked, eyeing her with wariness.

Haruna grinned, pointing up. "That."

Ayaka paled as her eyes drifted up. "Oh, no. Really, Saotome-san, you don't have to-"

Haruna, however, had already grabbed her face between both hands, then planted a big loud smooch on each one of her cheeks.

Ayaka's immediate shriek was heard all across Mahora.

Asuna looked at Yue. "Is Haruna vaccinated against most animal diseases?"

Yue looked back. "Funny. I was about to ask you the same about Iinchou. Cookie?"

"Don't mind if I do."

* * *

 

**Interlude- Harley's Christmas:**

Arkham Asylum **:**

Each cell, a personal hell. Each resident of those cells, a devil to themselves and others. Yet even devils were once angels, and even those fallen from grace can look back at the humanity they once had. Usually with a space telescope.

A name on each door, an identification of the devils jailed inside. Yet those were their birth names. Except for the great absent, the Joker, he of the unknown 'real' name, all of them had to sport their chosen dark rebirth names in the inside.

 _Roger Hayden._ The Psycho Pirate. Thief of minds. Twister of emotions. Delusional reminder of eras that never were. Or were they?

"Worlds died, words lived, worlds merged, nothing was the same ever again!" Gift wrapped by his straightjacket, the barefooted redheaded man repeated his personal mantra. "And now, it all will begin again! A Crisis is coming! Can't you feel it? A Crisis is coming! Beware the cracks on the wall!"

 _Maximilian Zeus._ 'Maxie' Zeus. Eccentric millionaire. Crime boss obsessed with his own 'divinity'. Trapped by delusions of unlimited power in an all too mortal body.

"Tonight, the Savior is reborn!" the tall, bulky bearded man shouted. "Heed, Pagans! Tonight, Zeus Omnipotent shall rise from the darkness to be reborn as a child! Pay me tribute! Gold and incense, all for your Lord! Tribute! Tribute!"

 _Drury Walker, aka Cameron van Cleer_. 'The Killer Moth'. Two-bit loser mutated into a monster by an unidentified power. Some said it was an accident at a lab break-in. Some said he sold his soul to the Devil for power, and the devil got a laugh at him. Very few laughed at him now.

"FOOD! I WANT FOOD!" it shook its pincer-like arms around, its mouth drooling wildly, the wing-like protuberances on its back buzzing furiously. "CHRIIZZTZZMAZZZZ DINNER! GUTZZZ! HEADZZ! MEAT! LOTZZ 'N LOTZZZ OF MEAT!"

 _John Dee. '_ Doctor Destiny'. Once the wielder of a 'magic' ruby that allowed him to blur the lines between dreams and reality. This is not the power of gods. It is older than they, and is their cause. The ruby was gone. The lust for power and the nightmares remained.

"The dreams are mine! The dreams are mine!" the burned out husk of a man– literally, in this instance– cried, his straggly hair and ghoulish face bluring wildly as he thrashed. "Damn the master! Damn the mage!"

Only two inmates in all of Arkham were allowed to share a cell. The studies had proved they actually were much least likely to attempt escapes if allowed to stay together. Each one a strange pacifying influence on the other. Plus, you know, girl on girl was _hot_.

_Pamela Lilian Isley._ _Harleen Quinzel._

"* _Sniff!*"_ Harley Quinn blew her nose, then used the same tissue to wipe the tears off her baby blue eyes. "The Spongebob Christmas Special gets me every time! WAHHH!"

"I hate Christmas specials," the taller redhead sitting at the other end of the room mumbled, burying her nose in her book. "That much TV will rot your brain, Harl."

"But Pam..." the blonde whined, turning her gaze apart from the small black and white television set and towards her best friend. "What else can I do? Everything else reminds me of him. These books? Their pages are as white as his face! The chess board? He always kicked my ass me at it! Going to sleep? I dream about him! Well, him and being chased by a duck with floppy hat who likes to get dangerous, and little girl with a magic ring and a thing about putting chainsaws on everything. And we don't have anything else to spend time here!"

Pamela 'Poison Ivy' Isley put the book down and shot her a fierce stare. "When will you stop groveling for that sorry excuse for a man?"

"You don't know him like I do, Red! Deep inside, he's a wonderful person... charismatic and smart, commanding and energetic, driven and so full of life..."

"I always had assumed he was full of death," Ivy rested her chin on a hand. "Not to mention full of shi-"

"Well, it's true he's not the most compassionate person about the suffering and feelings of others, but then again, none of us has the moral high ground there, right?" Harley argued. "Well, _I_ did, but then I went nuts again, so it probably doesn't count."

"Point," Ivy conceded, stretching lazily. "But I think I know something that can take your mind away off him."

"Nothing can!" the blonde pouted sadly. "Oh, Red, why did he have to leave without me? He could be bothered to take Prof. Crane away with him, but not me? Why?"

Isley twirled a hand around while using the other to draw her closer. "Well, you know, boys will be boys... And girls will be girls..." She pointed up at the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, right over the bunk. "Oh dear, talking about that, have you seen that?"

Harley blinked. "How did you get that in here? I thought that was the only plant they let you keep!" She pointed at the small red rose in a pot next to the bed.

Ivy smiled seductively. "I just had to ask nicely. The guards had no problems with it, actually..."

"But-" Harley began, but then Ivy pulled her even closer, brushing her ruby lips against hers.

"Traditions must be respected, Harley," she whispered, before kissing her as deeply as she could.

Quinn decided to forget the Joker just for that night.

At the main surveillance room, one of the men in charge quickly called on his friends, pointing at one of the video screens. "Guys, guys, look! Harley and Ivy are at it again!"

The other guards quickly gathered around him. "Boy, now this is a Christmas treat!"

"I want a recording. I'll pay you the usual rate!"

"Heh, remember it was my idea to let her have the mistletoe..."

"Shouldn't you be watching Two-Face's cell?"

"Come on, as if he noticed the difference. He won't be going anywhere!"

Two hours later, a tall, manly figure stepped out of the asylum's grounds unnoticed, melting into the cold darkness of the December night. Playing with a silver dollar, a crooked grin fixed on the horribly scarred left half of his face.

"I guess Christmas really does bring miracles," Two-Face thoughtfully mused.

* * *

 

**Act 11:**

Misora stopped before the door to clear her throat and give Cocone a last reminder that the little girl didn't really need, even if Misora herself did.

"Now, Cocone-chan, if Misa seems to be leading Negi under any kind of hanging branch, what are we supposed to do?"

The child sighed. "To lead him away from her."

"In any way possible," Kasuga solemnly completed.

"But without revealing you're just doing it out of jealousy," Cocone finished.

"I'm not jealous! I'm just an angel of mercy saving a young soul from the pits of depravity!" Misora argued.

"Got it," Cocone calmly said.

"But if I casually happen to coincidentally be under the same branch as him, what are you supposed to do?"

"I let nature to take its course."

"Bingo."

"May I ask why it's okay for you but not for her?"

"I'll explain it to you when you're older," Misora promised. "For now, be content with knowing life is complex."

"Right."

The older girl patted her head. "That's my pal!" Then she rang. "Hey, Konoka! It's us!"

The door opened, but much to her shock, Misora found herself face to face, not with Asuna or Konoka, but with a placidly smiling, eyes always closed, Nagase Kaede. The relaxed buxom girl was so tall she had to lower her upper half quite a bit just to be at eye level with Kasuga.

"Welcome to our humble gathering, de gozaru," Kaede said.

Oddly, everyone inside but Kaede and her perennial twin companions was even more shocked than Misora.

"W-When did you get in here, Nagase-san?-!" Ayaka gasped.

"We never opened the door for you!" Asuna added.

"You weren't here one scene ago!" Haruna tried to make sense out of it.

Kaede shook a finger around. "It's not a ninja trick."

"No one had said anything about ninjas," Negi blinked.

"That's because I'm not a ninja," Kaede quietly replied.

"Of course you aren't," Setsuna sighed, leading both sisters in training inside.

"So, this is the roommate you've told us so much about, Misora!" Haruna crouched down to pet the stone faced Cocone's head. "Waiii, but she's a cutie! Almost as cute as Sensei!"

"Saotome-san, please!" Negi asked.

Haruna pushed them both together. "Toy Ship!" she squealed.

"What?" Ayaka asked.

"I don't get it," Misora admitted.

"Me neither..." Fumika spoke.

"... But somehow, I feel left out all the same," Fuuka completed.

Being the only other person at the room geeky enough to get the reference, Chisame clenched her teeth and repressed her urges to hit Haruna over the head. It wouldn't do to go around assaulting people who annoyed her. And on a pragmatic note, Saotome might actually kick her ass.

Misora quickly lost interest on the toy subject and started looking around for mistletoe. When she finally found it, she decided to go for broke before Misa arrived. "Sensei, I'm hungry! Wanna go for some snacks with me? I don't know this apartment, and need someone to guide me!" Pretending to not see the branch, yet making a beeline for it before Iincho could catch her, she grabbed Negi's right hand and pulled him with her straight for the door as only a sprinter could.

But right as she was making it under the branch, and before Negi could be pulled under it along with her, Itoshiki-sensei came out of the dining room, looking at Asuna.

"Kagurazaka-kun, may I ask why have you locked your sharp kitchen utensils? I happen to have a need of them for-"

Then he noticed a petrified, distressed looking Misora standing right in front of him. "Hmm? Kasuga-kun, isn't it? Is there something wrong?"

Chisame half-smirked, pointing a finger above their heads. "Something very wrong, yes..."

The adult teacher paled ghastly as he saw the mistletoe, then waved his arms around. "No! No! Forget it! Absolutely not! For starters, I'm not a believer on Western traditions!"

"As of this day on, neither am I!" Misora nodded very fast.

"But you must be! You're a Catholic!" Chisame actually almost guffawed.

"Weren't you expressing doubt about that earlier?" Hakase said, confused.

Negi looked at both of them without a clue in the world until Ayaka gently moved him back and away from Nozomu and Kasuga. "Negi-sensei, maybe it would be for the best if you don't stand in their way..."

"Whose way?" he asked.

"Them," Yue pointed at Haruna and the Narutakis.

Haruna's eyes glowed in an ominous red light as her grin grew as large as lecherous, her fingers twirling madly around as her ahoge twitched wildly. "The mistletoe has spoken! Its will must be obeyed!"

"Kiss, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss!" Fuuka and Fumika chanted.

"When Haruna puts that face on, there's no escape..." Nodoka fearfully commented.

"Kaede, hold your midgets back!" Misora pleaded nervously, backing away from the twins and looking around for the busty girl. "Kaede? Where did you go?"

"Right here, Kasuga-dono," Kaede calmly answered from where she was now grabbing Itoshiki's thin, weakly kicking frame from behind, holding him relatively quiet in place. "Sorry, but a Shinobi's path is a honorless one. Not that I'm one, mind, but..."

"C-C-Cocone-chan...! HEEELPPPP!" Misora pleaded as Haruna and the Narutakis surrounded her mercilessly.

Cocone had gone to sit at a corner watching the Spongebob Christmas Special on TV. "Let nature take its course..."

As Misora was overpowered and dragged around towards those other definitely not welcoming either lips, she vaguely wondered if she shouldn't have bought Cocone something else than socks. Or maybe she was still pissed off about the cake…?

* * *

 

 **Interlude- Chachamaru's Christmas** :

Chachamaru looked at the reference book she'd managed to find in her Master's library, then down at the array of objects before her. She didn't nod in satisfaction, but if she were the kind to do so, she would have at this point. Good. She had gathered all her materials. Quickly, she flipped to a section about three-quarters of the way through the book, and began to scan the pages of information she needed, committing it to memory.

Nodding in satisfaction, she reached for some scissors and began to cut. She hoped the Master liked her gift…

* * *

 

**Act 12:**

"I still don't know," Sakurako said sheepishly while looking at the gift box between her hands.

"Come on, you'll never get anywhere with that attitude!" Misa playfully chided her. "That isn't the Sakurako I know! At this rate, you'll lose her without a fight!"

The three cheerleaders were midway to Konoka's dorm, each one carrying a gift with her. Sakurako walked in the middle, with Misa at her right and Madoka at her left.

"Misa's right, you know," Madoka nodded. "You can't plop a kiss on a girl, then act as if nothing had happened for weeks. She's gonna think it was nothing but a whim. Or that you're a slut."

"It wasn't!" Shiina argued. "I'm not! But I don't know how to bring up the subject! What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, Hakase, remember that time I violated your personal space and stuck my tongue down your throat without permission?' I mean, if she hasn't looked for me again, maybe she just isn't interested..."

Misa patted her on the shoulder. "Silly girl. Hakase's spent most of her life locked up in labs. You can't expect for her to make the first move! She barely knows how to talk to people. If you want her, you'll have to grab the bull by the horns yourself!"

"We'll be with you each step of the way!" Madoka promised.

"Thank you, girls..." Sakurako smiled again. "You're the best friends I ever could have..."

"You're just lucky like that!" Misa smirked.

"By the way, Misa-chan, how are things going on your side?" Shiina asked her.

"With Negi-kun, you mean?" the purple haired girl laughed. "He's all but mine now! I'm thiiiiiiiis close to my ultimate goal!"

Madoka made a face. "Still intending to go with that? Misa, just let it go. He's our teacher, and he's too young for us. It'll never work."

"HEY!" Misa protested. "Why is Sakurako's dream all okay, but mine isn't?"

"It's a wholly different thing!" Kugimiya lectured. "Hakase's a girl our own age, able to make her own decisions! Sensei, while cute and very mature for his age, still isn't ready for romance. If you insist on going that route with him, you'll hurt him and yourself. Plus, what you're planning is illegal for the next three years!"

"I'm sure we'll make it through," Misa confidently stated. "In four years or so, we'll even look more or less the same age. And besides, you don't know Negi-kun like I do. Trust me, he's more than up to the task."

"You have spent a lot of time with him lately," Sakurako observed.

"I can use it to get you some leverage with Hakase, if you want," Kakizaki offered. "Despite my initial dislike of her, I've learned she actually can be kinda cool. Funny, in any case. Ditto for Chisame."

Madoka blinked. "I can't believe you of all people just said that!"

"What? It's true. They'll never be the life of the party, right, but it's still a cool enough bunch to hang with and just... talk about stuff. But never better than you guys," Misa quickly added.

Madoka smiled knowingly. "You wouldn't even try to talk with them if Sensei weren't there."

"But he is. And the girls aren't bad people either. Weird and awkward, but you learn to get along with them."

"How far have you gotten with Negi-kun, Misa-chan?" Sakurako eagerly asked.

The trio's unofficial leader winked an eye at her. "Let's just say you aren't the only one who has landed a smooch on the object of your affection..."

"Oooooo!" Shiina squealed. "Way to go!"

"You aren't being serious!" Madoka gasped.

"Wait and see. After this night's over, you'll see an encore," Misa promised as the three stopped at Konoka's doorstep and rang the bell.

Konoka herself greeted them. "Ah, welcome, girls! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Kono-chan!" Misa gave her a quick friendly peck on a cheek. Setsuna twitched from where she was standing keeping an eye on Konoka, fingers twitching for Yuunagi…

"This is for you and Asuna," Madoka smiled warmly, handing her the gift box she was carrying.

"Oh, thanks... I have one for you three, too! You'll get to see it at the party's end!" Konoka promised.

"Is Negi-kun here?" Misa craned her neck inside.

"Yes, he and Chisame-san are with the librarians, Kaede and the twins at the next room, trying to revive Itohiki-sensei."

"What happened to him?" Madoka asked.

"Oh, he just fainted after kissing Misora..."

The cheerleaders automatically synchronized a loud scream of "KISSING WHO?-!"

Misora herself was sitting at a corner of the living area, still wiping her mouth off over and over while sporting a traumatized look. "It was... like kissing sandpaper! I have been tainted! I'm in despair! Despair has left me in despair!"

"Well, they happened to meet under the mistletoe, so Haruna and the twins thought-" Konoka helpfully began an explanation Misa ignored to basically stomp inside.

"So you DO have mistletoe in here! I knew it! Where is it? Where is it?" She walked around until she located it, standing right under it. "Ah hah! A very good place, if I may say so! Now all I have to do is to look for the right person to share this with..."

At that exact moment, Roberta strode out of the dining room wiping a few silver spoons clean with a cloth. "Konoe-sama, the utensils are already prepared. I hope my work is to your-" She suddenly stopped, looking at the paralyzed girl right in front of her. "Oh. Are you one of Yukihiro Ojou-sama's classmates?"

"Hi, Roberta-san!" Sakurako cheerfully waved. "That is Misa-chan, my best friend!"

Madoka smiled evilly. "She's a big enthusiast of the mistletoe custom."

Roberta looked up over their heads. "Oh. I understand. Well, that being the case..."

"Actually, I'm not such a big ent-!" Misa attempted to explain before the towering, kinda Lurch-ish bespectacled maid grabbed her face between her strong hands, then mechanically planted a kiss on her.

While waiting for the ensuing scream to come as soon as Misa's lips were released, Ayaka sighed from where she sat next to Cocone and Asuna. "That plant surely comes from the devil's own seeds..."

"It must," Asuna said. "You were the one who brought it, after all."

* * *

 

 **Interlude–** **Evangeline's Christmas** :

The church was quiet at noon. Even clergy had to eat, after all. The air was still, the pews empty and shining, the sound equipment turned off.

An empty bottle of sake crashed into the altar and shattered the tranquility.

Evangeline glared up at the carved figure behind it, teeth bared as she carried another bottle in her hand. "DAMN YOU!" she cried, pointing at it. "DAMN YOU! WHY?-! WHAT DID I EVER DO! I WAS _TEN_! I'D DONE _NOTHING_ _ **, NOTHING**_ _TO DESERVE THIS!_ _ **ANY OF THIS!**_ " She gestured at herself, at her slightly stained and rumpled dress, her slightly mussed and tangling hair.

"You and your hacks kept saying if we believed in you, if we paid up with the church, if we sucked up to you, you'd protect us! That was the deal, right? If we joined your little protection racket, then you'd let the crops grow, protect us from demons, and we'd have a cushy place to go when we croaked! You said we'd be happy!" Evangeline raged. " _THAT WAS THE FUCKING DEAL!_ "

She took a swig from her bottle, then threw it after the other, its shards tickling as it shattered as well. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN _THIS_ HAPPENED TO ME?" she cried. "WHERE WERE YOU FOR MY CLAN WHEN THE BLOOD OVERCAME ME? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I BEGGED FOR YOUR HELP TO CHANGE ME BACK? WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME FROM KILLING ALL THOSE PEOPLE? WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE TO PROTECT _THEM,_ YOU BASTARD! WHERE'S _THEIR_ HAPPINESS? WHERE'S _**MY**_ HAPPINESS?–!"

She screamed a child's scream of betrayal, of anger, wishing she had her power, wishing she could raze this place, bury its lies in her ice. Tears streamed down her face as she roared and asked the questions mankind has been asking, of itself, of other gods, of the universe, since time before memory.

"Master?"

The voice was quiet, innocent and concerned. Desperately, Evangeline hurried to wipe her face as Chachamaru slowly approached, her steps incongruously quiet for a girl who weighed as much as a motorcycle. She reached where Evangeline stood, the vampire's back to her, head slightly bowed and fists tight as she tried to maintain her dignity before her servant, never mind said servant must have heard her from a block away.

"What is it, Chachamaru?" Evangeline snapped, a slight hitch still in her voice, her vampiric state still unable to overcome the baser cause and effect of its baseline physiology.

"I wished to give you your gift, but we did not have a tree at home," Chachamaru said, sounding slightly hesitant.

Despite herself, Evangeline turned in curiosity.

Chachamaru was holding two plush dolls, rather crudely made. Clearly, their creator had tried to create a work of art, but hadn't had the experience to do it right. One was a slightly bulgy doll in an ill-fitting green suit, with a wild shock of red yarn on its head that looked like it had been stolen from a Raggedy Anne doll. A finely sandpapered branch had been secured to one hand with lots of yarn.

The other was a doll wearing a black dress, its bosom uneven and pointing in different directions, the lime-green yarn on its head crudely cut. What looked like the remains of two fork tines stuck up from where its ears should be.

Evangeline stared at the two dolls, then finally actually looked at Chachamaru. Scraps of cloth, string, yard, buttons and part of a fork had gotten into her hair, and there was a spot of what looked tree sap on her face. Her rubberized fingers were covered with all sorts of long gashes, and a length of string seemed stuck in one of her finger joints.

"I recall your disgust at the religious connotations of this season," Chachamaru continued, still holding them out, "And so have chosen to merely wish you a pleasant winter season."

Wordlessly, Evangeline raised a trembling hand, and took the two dolls. They were actually a decent likeness, if you knew what to look for. She looked up at her servant in amazement, wondering when Hakase had programmed her with this, and why.

Chachamaru knelt and awkwardly wrapped her arms around the little vampire. "A pleasant winter season to you, master," she said.

* * *

 

**Act 13:**

"And then I saw Baby Jesus, floating in all His diapered golden glory, with a halo around His oversized charming head," Itoshiki Nozomu solemnly reminisced, as the dumbfounded teens, children, ermine and maid sitting around him just stared blankly. "He told me He was angry because we had turned His nativity into a cheap excuse for pointless commercial stunts..." He stood up, lifting an index finger up, "And despite being a non-believer, I had to agree with Him! Look around us! What is Christmas? Look into your hearts and answer me! Tonight, we sit here surrounded by expensive gifts, but can you say we know each other like true friends would? No! Despite our shallow claims of companionship, we human beings are islands floating in an eternal sea of loneliness!"

Madoka hummed. "So that was what you saw after Misora kissed you, right?"

"We didn't kiss! Our lips were forced together!" Misora protested.

"No need to be so modest," Haruna teased her. "You must be one hell of a kisser, if you were good enough to make a grown man faint and have mystic hallucinations..."

Negi briefly opened his mouth to voice his first-hand opinion on the matter, but he quickly remembered how much of a horrible idea that was. Nodding to herself as she saw him quickly closing his mouth again, Chisame didn't have to pinch him.

"It's hopeless! You aren't even listening to me!" Itoshiki-sensei complained. "Oh, how can I show you the deviances of our current society when you freely frolic in them? Or am I the one in the wrong here? Or both? Truly, it's wrong to expect any meaning from a festivity born out of Pagan rites adapted by the early Church, but it's also wrong to simply discard any deeper meaning to this date, supposed to symbolize friendship and love! So we all are in the wrong, putting our vile miseries together!"

He threw his hands up. "DESPAIR! CHRISTMAS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"So, um, you aren't a religious person then, Sensei?" Konoka asked.

"I'm not a believer on the existence of any benevolent deity, no," Nozomu sighed. "I'm convinced, if any supreme beings do exist, they are simply gratuitously cruel to this world."

Elsewhere far above them, a black haired girl sneezed while she was on cosmic monitoring duty.

"No doubts those stupid humans again..." Skuld muttered and rubbed her tiny nose. "What do they expect from us?"

In a much higher plane of existence, a master and a mage sneezed.

Back with our stars, Madoka tried to steer the conversation back to some semblance of normality. "There's no need to be so pessimistic, Itoshiki-sensei. The pain is all in your own mind. If you just relax and let it go, you'll feel a lot better. Don't you agree, Roberta-san?"

Ayaka's maid nodded sparsely. "Having faith is a must to go on with your life. We're nothing without that to guide our steps." She vaguely gripped the small silver cross hanging from her neck.

"Back at your home, you celebrate Christmas with a piñata full of candy and toys, don't you?" Fuuka asked, looking up at her with bright eyes.

"No, that's in Mexico. I'm from Colombia," the maid replied uneasily.

"And what did you do there at Christmas?" Fumika took her unspoken turn to ask.

"Actually... I grew up at the slums, so I never had any Christmas to speak of," Roberta's discomfort was even more blatant now. "Most often, we'd just get some fireworks somehow and throw them around. It was a good Christmas if no one lost any fingers," she said wistfully.

She stopped there. The others waited for a moment to here if there was more to it, but no, that was all.

"Gee..." Asuna muttered. "I'm really sorry to hear that. I, um, used to think I had it bad while growing up, but..."

"I have no regrets about that part of my life," Roberta stiffly said. "What matters is I'm happy with my life now."

Everyone silently agreed on changing the subject yet again. "And how about you, Negi-kun?" Konoka managed to chirp. "How do you and you sister celebrate Christmas?"

At the mention of his 'sister' and that date, the boy cringed for half a second, much to Chisame's concern, but he still managed to keep his smile. "Oh, we don't do much, usually. It's just the two of us, so we simply spend the night drinking hot chocolate and chatting. When we studied together, Anya also joined us..."

"Who's Anya?" Misa asked with some sudden concern.

"My best friend at school," he said. "We graduated together, and then she moved to London. Sister promised to get me her address so I could write to her, too..."

"Is she... pretty?" Ayaka tried to sound casual. Asuna, Chamo, Haruna, Yue, Itoshiki, Misora, Madoka, Misa and Chisame, at least, weren't fooled.

"Pretty?" Negi blinked. "Hmmm... Never thought of her that way, actually..." Everyone but him noticed Ayaka, Misa and Misora's sudden sigh of relief, "... But yes, I can say she's pretty. Here, I have a picture of her," he pulled it out of his breast pocket, showing it up to everyone.

"Oh, she's really cute!" Konoka said.

"A lot, yeah!" Haruna nodded.

"Yes... quite, actually..." Ayaka looked at the very pretty image with worried eyes.

Asuna snickered. "Definitely a cute young thing, much better than any old lady!"

Ayaka growled. "Said by the chaser of old men!"

Hakase frowned. "Why was he carrying her picture in such a convenient place?"

"Now, now, be nice, you two," Konoka calmly said while standing up. "Negi-kun, since you like hot chocolate so much, I'll go prepare some for you, okay? Anyone else is interested?"

"You know I always am," Asuna said.

"Us too, if it isn't a bother," Yue pointed at Nodoka, then at herself.

"With cookies for us!" Fuuka pumped a fist up.

"No, thanks," Setsuna refused.

"I'm very thankful for your hospitality, Konoe-san," Negi accepted the offer with another bow.

"I've told you, Negi-kun, just call me Konoka. I won't take long," she said before going into the kitchen.

"Thanks goodness for Konoe-san," Ayaka observed. "If not for her, this home... just wouldn't be a fitting place for anyone."

"Yeah, that's just the- HEY!" Asuna shouted. "Whaddya mean by that?-!"

"Oh ho ho ho! Well, even you agree with me there!"

Fumika, in the meanwhile, seemed to notice something out there and stuck her hands to the window's glass, looking intently outside. "Ahhhh! Look, look, everyone! It's snowing!"

"Snowing?" Nodoka approached her. "Ahh, it's true. So beautiful... It hasn't snowed here for years..."

Negi stiffened up nervously. "S-Snow?"

"Let's get out and play in the snow!" Fuuka suggested. "Snow angels! I can't remember the last time I made some!"

"Sounds fun, yes..." Kaede nodded.

"It's really snowing a lot," Madoka observed, looking up at the sky. "And so suddenly, too."

Chisame, remembering Chamo's earlier tale, was the first one to look back at Negi, finding him backing away against a corner and sitting back down. "I... I don't feel too well now..." His voice grew sadder. "I don't think I'd be able to go out there..."

"Eh? Why not?" Haruna sounded disappointed.

Asuna placed a hand on his forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever, and you haven't sneezed or coughed up. What is it, then? Headache? Stomach ache?"

"Nothing too serious, it's just... I don't want to go out. Really," he confessed. "I... I just don't feel like it..."

"Sensei..." Hakase breathed, now remembering Chamo's story as well.

Chisame sighed and crouched down at his side. "Sensei, do you trust me?"

"Eh?" He looked at her eyes. "What kind of question is that? Of course I-"

"Good. Then trust me here." She firmly held his right hand and stood up, quickly pulling him up with her towards the door.

"Chisame, wait!" Misora tried to protest.

Ayaka also attempted to demand an explanation, but Chisame already had reached the door, all but dragging Negi out with herself in a single pull. Asuna stared, confused, at them as they walked out together, the boy making small whimpering pleading sounds.

Under the softly falling snow.

"Chisame-san, please... I don't want to be here..."

Then she abruptly stopped, and then held him quiet, hugging him against herself firmly. "Sensei, I'm here. All of us are. You don't have to be afraid," she whispered. "Trust us. Trust me. Maybe you have bad memories of the past, and I won't ask you to forget them... but try to build good memories of the present. We'll be here to help you with those. Okay?"

He whispered back. "Chamo told you-"

"Don't hold it against him," she kept her voice low. "I forced him to."

For a moment, he simply stood motionless, feeling ashamed and scared as everyone looked at him and the snow continued falling on top of them. But then, weakly, he hugged her midsection back, resting his forehead against her body.

"Thank you so very much, Chisame-san."

She rubbed her knuckles against his scalp.

"Silly baby."

* * *

 

**Act 14:**

As they stood there, the rest of the girls remained quiet and silent behind them, just watching and waiting. Even Konoka had come out with a cup of steaming cocoa between her hands, and Asuna briefly informed her on the situation, whispering into her ear.

When Negi and Chisame finally broke the embrace, Ayaka took her turn to hug him, warm and softly. "I'm sorry," she said. "I won't ask about it, but if there's anything I can do..."

"It's okay. I'm... just overreacting, that's all," he replied. "Sorry to inconvenience you all when we should be having fun..."

"Nonsense," Yue told him. "If you want to express grief or anything like that, you should do it. Keeping it bottled up inside of you can't be good for you."

"Yue learned it the hard way," Haruna agreed.

"Indeed," Ayase confessed. "It took Nodoka and Haruna's help for me to realize that."

"You're... among friends here," the third librarian shyly offered. "No one will think badly of you if you just want to..."

When Ayaka finally let him go, Madoka gave him a hug as well. "C'mon, if you wanna cry, simply give a good cry and get that outta your system! After that, you'll feel much better." Misa couldn't help but noticing her friend seemed to be rather affectionate to him now, despite her earlier claims on directing feelings towards him.

"No, no, I'm okay, really," he shook his head. "I... don't feel like crying anymore. Thanks, everyone. I'll do my best to have my best Christmas memories with you!"

"Awwww, now that's the spirit!" Haruna cooed, happily glomping him away from Madoka, with a hug that pretty much sank his face between her breasts. "Our Sensei's a big boy now...!"

"Saotome-san, allow him to breathe!" Ayaka harshly commanded.

As soon as he was let go and allowed to gasp for air, however, Fuuka tackled him in a giggling strike that sent them both rolling into the snow.

"Sensei, Sensei, now you're feeling better, let's make snow angels!"

"Onee-chan!" the more restrained twin told her. "Don't go so fast! He's just getting used to this!"

Ayaka turned to Kaede. "Nagase-san, you need to discipline them better!"

"Hey, I'm not their mother!" the definitely-not-a-ninja claimed.

Itoshiki sighed. "At least no one has started a sno-"

He was cut short by a snowball hitting his head.

"-wball fight yet," he finished with a sigh, the snow rolling down the back of his head.

"Asuna!" Konoka chided her closest friend.

With a mischievous glint in her green eye, Asuna smirked perversely. "What? This was getting too sappy. Don't worry, I'll only attack the deserving targets!" she laughed, tossing the second snowball in her hands at Ayaka...

... only for it to be effortlessly intercepted in midair by Roberta's right forearm before it could reach her beloved princess.

The maid focused her chilling sharp eyes on Asuna. "Ka-gu-ra-za-ka-sannnnn..."

Asuna couldn't help gulping. "... What?"

Ripping a whole chunk of snowy ground from before her feet and holding it up, Roberta screamed, "I'LL PROTECT OJOU-SAMA WITH MY LIFE... OR YOUR DEATH!"

"YAAAHHHH!" Asuna screamed. "She's gone nuts!"

Ayaka was already amassing snowballs in her own hands. "Roberta-san, step aside! This is only between the gorilla and me!"

"Who are you calling a gorilla, you prissy weirdo!" Asuna shouted back.

"Continue insulting Ojou-sama, and I'll make you swallow those bells... along with the hair they're attached to!" Roberta threatened.

"Roberta-san, I've told you I can handle this myself!" the blond heiress protested.

Everyone else had just stopped to watch them with long suffering expressions.

"I'm starting to think you were right, Itoshiki-sensei," Misora observed. "This isn't a time for friendship and love after all."

"Well... They are the best friends in their own way..." Konoka lamely said.

"Wanna take bets on the winner?" Sakurako smiled.

"Against you? We'd need a Christmas miracle," Madoka answered.

But Negi only smiled.

For the first time in many years, he felt like having a Merry Christmas.

* * *

 

**Act 15:**

"Ahhh! Now that was a fun time!" Fuuka exhaled in a wide satisfied fashion, her pink tongue hanging out as she plopped down sitting on the living room's floor.

Ayaka grumbled as Roberta helped her to wipe the snow out of her hair. "You do have a very strange concept of 'fun', Narutaki-san."

"You only said that because I won," Asuna said.

"You didn't!" Ayaka shot back. "I landed five more hits than you!"

"All of those were illegal!" Asuna countered. "It doesn't count when you get help!"

"Since when? I understood it was an activity to be played in groups!"

"No, in our case, it was a personal duel! You didn't see Konoka helping me, did you?"

Hakase sat down on the couch, hugging herself, her teeth chattering. "I thought I was going to go under hypothermia out there..."

"Weren't you the one boasting about being used to cold labs just days before?" Chisame observed.

Satomi groaned, tilting her head aside. "The cold parts of labs don't get inside of your clothes like this," she shook her right sleeve, snow falling out of it in generous amounts.

"Maybe what we all need is a long hot bath to feel better..." Haruna suggested with a large smile. "Konoka, exactly how many can fit into your shower at once?"

"Like four at most, but since Negi-kun, Cocone-san and the twins are so small, any single of them could fit in with four others, I think... Five if we squeeze in tightly..." Konoka pondered slowly. The fact she seemed to be giving serious thought to the images no doubt in her head now freaked Chisame out.

Setsuna hoped no one was looking at her and noticing her own blush.

"Motion denied," Asuna categorically said.

"But-" Haruna began.

"No way," Yue added.

"It doesn't have to be-" Misa tried to point out.

"I think I'd prefer go dying in the snow," Itoshiki cut her short.

"You prefer dying, period," Chisame pointed out.

"Well, there's another thing we all can do together to warm each other up. It's very entertaining, very thrilling, it'll bring us all together in a way we haven't experienced before, and all good parties have it," Haruna tried another approach.

Everyone, even Misa, gave her a look of one degree of shock or another.

Haruna scowled. "I mean dancing!"

Everyone else sighed in relief.

"Well, I think that's a great idea!" Konoka laughed. "I'll go put on some music, okay?"

"I'll dance with you, Sensei!" Misa and Ayaka said at once, each one grabbing one of Negi's arms.

"But I don't know how..." he protested.

"I'll teach you!" they both said at the same time again, then shared a hostile look.

Then a soft voice calmly said, "Can I?"

Ayaka and Misa turned around to see Cocone of all people standing before them, looking up at them with those huge and serene eyes. Somehow, they just couldn't shoot her petition down without feeling bad about it.

"Do you know how to dance?" the cheerleader dubiously asked.

"Yes, I do," Cocone nodded.

"I think it's a good idea," Kaede butted in. "They both are the same size, so it'll be easier for him than having to do it with someone much taller-de gozaru."

"That may be true, but still..." Ayaka still was hesitating.

Cocone held a hand for Negi as the music started. "Please?"

He gulped, worming his right arm out of Misa's grip and taking Cocone's hand. "Okay. Thanks."

At the same time, Haruna grabbed Chisame by surprise. "You don't know either, do you, Chisame-chan?"

"No, and I don't want to learn now!" Hasegawa all but yelled.

"Nonsense! Never leave for tomorrow what you can do tonight! Just relax, and I'll lead each step of the way!" she promised as she began to dance around with her, cackling with glee.

"Sakurako is an expert dancer!" Madoka announced out of the blue, then randomly pushed the third cheerleader towards Satomi. "Come on, Sakurako, show the Prof how it's done!"

"M-Me?" Shiina squeaked.

Hakase took a brief look at Negi with Cocone, then at Chisame with Haruna, and finally sighed softly. "I... I would not be adverse to the notion, actually..." she said, shyly grabbing Sakurako's hands.

Shiina took in a deep breath, blushing as a nervous smile grew on her face. "I'm-I'm going to do my best!"

Ayaka looked at Itoshiki. "Sensei, are you versed in dancing?"

"Of course I am!" he said. "My family's social status forced me to take many lessons on that art! I learned ballet, the foxtrot, the tango, bellydancing–"

They all blinked. "Belly dancing?" Negi said

"I don't want to talk about it," Itoshiki said.

The blonde roughly pushed Asuna into his arms. "Great! Now please see if you can pull a miracle and heal this girl's two left feet!"

"What? No!" Asuna gasped. "I really don't want to-!"

Ayaka smirked. "Are you going to tell no to a cultured, refined and wealthy older man?"

Asuna looked up at Nozomu's expressionless bishounen face and gulped, her face flushing just a bit before regaining her usual apathy. "Like I'd have any problem with it either way. Lead the way, Teach," she commanded harshly, beginning to clumsily move her feet around. Itoshiki sighed and started to show her how was it done.

Setsuna was looking in disbelief at it all when she felt a soft pair of arms turned her around and grabbed her, all but forcing her into a dance position. "Oj- K-Konoe-san?"

Konoka smiled sweetly at her. "May I have this dabce, Setchan?"

The swordsgirl fumbled with the sounds before managing to actually speak. "I-I have no idea how to-"

"That's why I'm here, silly. I'll take care of everything," Konoka promised before beginning to gracefully move around with the thinner girl in her arms.

Misora grumbled, then looked at Ayaka and offered a hand to her. "I'm not going to stay sitting here watching like a fool. What about her?"

Ayaka blinked. "Do you want... to actually dance with me?"

"It's not like I'm asking for your hand in marriage!"

Ayaka thought it over before relenting. As long as she was on the dance floor, she'd have a chance to get Negi-sensei after he was done with the creepy brat. She began dancing with Misora, asking her, "By the way, how comes your little friend knows how to dance so well?"

"Beats me. There's a lot about her even I don't know."

"Hmmm." A pause. "You don't do it too badly, either."

"Well, I don't plan being a nun for the rest of my life..." she confessed.

Ayaka smiled. "That's actually good to hear. It'd be a waste otherwise."

Misora looked at her in stupor. "Huh?-!"

"I mean, it's a waste for ANY girl to spend her life like that!" Ayaka corrected herself, then hastily added, "Not that I don't have a lot of respect for the profession, they do very good charitable work."

Misora sighed in relief. "Oh, that!"

Yue was shaking her head to herself when she was caught by Fuuka, and Nodoka by Fumika. "So, you two don't know how to dance, do you?" the mischievous twin asked.

"Errr, hummm, actually..." Nodoka fidgeted.

"I knew it!" Fuuka triumphantly said. "I told ya so, Fumika-chan! What are we waiting for?"

Fumika lowered her head to Nodoka. "I hope you don't mind if I-"

Nodoka shyly smiled at her. "Not at all."

Maybe she could dance with Negi-sensei before the night was over.

Madoka looked at Kaede, Misa and Roberta. "Well, I guess that only leaves the four of us!"

"You three enjoy yourselves," the maid said. "I actually prefer staying here."

"Don't say that! This must be done in pairs! Do you know how to dance?" Kugimiya asked.

"No," the servant dryly answered.

"Me neither," Nagase confessed.

"Well, then you take Roberta-san and I'll teach Kaede, Misa," Madoka suggested.

Misa grumbled as she walked up to the maid and reluctantly took her around. Why had she been stuck with the female Frankenstein?

"Please be patient with me, Madoka-dono," Kaede smiled. "I'm no good with these things..."

"There's only one way to improve at them," Kugimiya said as they, too, began.

Silently, Chamo stared with rapt fascination at all the girls dancing with each other.

It almost was enough to make him forget his inner pain at the refusal of Haruna's earlier ideas.

* * *

 

**Act 16:**

It turned out that Satomi quickly got tired after a short time dancing, or so she claimed. Sakurako could believe it, from the way she had moved all through the dance; she simply wasn't used to it at all. The scientist excused herself to go to the kitchen for a glass of water, but right before going out the door, Sakurako noticed her giving her a slight signal with her head to follow her.

At least that was the impression Shiina got, hoping her mind (and wishes) weren't playing tricks on her. Discreetly, she followed her; everyone else was otherwise busy at that moment.

Satomi stood now with her back turned to her, drinking a glass of water. Sakurako patiently waited as Hakase put the glass down and remained still and silent for some time. Finally, the black haired girl said, "Shiina-san?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"Now that I think about it, we never talked again about what happened the other day, did we?"

"Well, I..." Sakurako looked away, "You said you weren't ready for any relationship of that kind, so I chose never to touch that topic again... at least not until you said otherwise..."

"Yes, but we never talked about anything else, either..."

Sakurako chuckled shakily. "Well, we never used to talk at all before that, remember?"

"I know..." Hakase sighed. "I apologize. It's my fault..."

"No, of course it isn't! It was me who forced such a thing on you. I disrupted your life's normal routine!"

"Many things had disrupted it before that..." Satomi mused.

"Huh?"

"Shiina-san..." Hakase began, "I have been put through a lot of unusual developments lately."

"You mean since Negi-kun moved in with you?"

"Yes. It all has forced me to re-evaluate a lot of my prior beliefs. And do you know what? That scares me. I have lost my former personal balance. I have had to confront a lot of parts of me I ignored I had, or I thought I had overcome. Do you know I once had a strong emotional attachment to a Robotics Club sempai?"

"You did?"

"Yes. His name was Saotome Kazuya. No relationship to Haruna-san. I have checked. _Extensively._ He helped us to develop our earlier artificial intelligence prototypes, through a model codenamed the Ikariya, physically patterned upon the cephalopods of the vulgarly known as 'squids' genre. The Ikariya featured basic levels of self awareness and needs, and even could articulate elemental degrees of verbal communication-"

Seven minutes of techno babble later...

"-and that was why it couldn't have waste removal mechanisms. But sorry, it seems I have digressed. As I was saying, I had a rather strong emotional craving for Kazuya-sempai's company, although I never had the courage to inform him about it. On the day of his graduation, however, I gathered enough bravery to tell him. I went to his private workshop, where he and his classmates were celebrating, and he seemed very happy to see me. He told me he had something very important to announce to me. Foolishly, for a moment I believed he would return my feelings. Then he introduced his very young landlady to me. He had just asked for her hand in marriage."

"Satomi-chan..."

"He seemed so happy..." Satomi sniffed.

"Satomi-chan, I..."

"Naturally, I couldn't tell them about my unrequited affections. After that, I focused exclusively on my research again. I began working on Chachamaru shortly afterwards. At first, we had thought of giving her a less human-like, smaller and more compact body. But after my emotional breakdown, I decided to infuse her with all the traits I lacked. I made her feminine and elegant, beautiful and graceful, charming and sociable, with large brea– um, I made her perfect. More human than I ever could be."

"Wait, so Chachamaru-chan really is a robot?" Sakurako asked, stunned.

"... You didn't know?"

"I had heard the rumors, but I always thought they were exaggerations! Like what everyone says about Suzumiya-sempai, that she's some weird cultist intent on sacrificing this world to alien gods..."

"That's ridiculous. Suzumiya-sempai is clearly nothing but an unbalanced individual with a morbid fascination with impossibilities! Regardless, while I was working on her, I met Chisame. At first I didn't think much of her, but later on, I came to depend on her for practically everything in my daily life, beyond the laboratory. Chisame became, actually, the most important person in my life."

"Yeah, like your sister..." Shiina nodded slowly. "You told me... that day."

"Actually..." Satomi whispered reluctantly. "Maybe it's not as clear as that."

"How so?"

"Back there, seeing Chisame and Sensei hugging each other, I... I realized how they both were much closer to each other than either one is to me. Don't ask me how, but they just... click better than I could with either of them. Can I blame them? After all, she's so much... prettier than me..." She pressed her hands down against the kitchen table. "So... pretty..."

Sakurako put a hand on her left shoulder. "You're jealous?"

"No. It's just I... I don't know anymore. That's what bothers me the most. I used to have all the answers about everything, but now, I have been left an ignorant about myself. I want to be with Sensei and Chisame. I always want to be with them. I feel... like I felt with Kazuya-sempai, you see? But now, I'm even more afraid to tell them than I was with Kazuya-sempai, and that in turn scares me even more, because I'll lose them if I tell them, but I'll also lose them if I don't, like I did with him. I suppose it's unavoidable, and for everyone's best, since they would be happier with each other, assuming they ever are ready for it, but... I still can't help for it to hurt... to hurt me so much..."

"You're very confused."

"Yes, a lot. And even more since you kissed me. I admired you because unlike me, you had the courage to declare your feelings. I think you're very appealing and attractive, too, but... that only makes my feelings even more complicated. Because, yes, I'm starting to like you too, but it'd be even worse to bring someone else into this, and... sorry, I'm just so much of a twisted person..."

She was sure Sakurako would be angry by then. How could she not? But much to her shock, when she finally dared to look at her face, she only saw a smile there. "Of course you are. All mad scientists are," she reminded her.

Satomi sniffed once more. "I'm sorry. I don't know if I ever could love you as much as-"

Sakurako simply hushed her quietly, then softly placed a kiss on her lips. A small, tender one this time, brief and fast. After the kiss, she still was smiling. "What if we give ourselves a chance to see if we can change that?"

Hakase only lowered her head, timidly savoring the sweet flavor now in her mouth. "You mean..."

Sakurako grabbed her hands. "I'm not angry at you. Let's just see if we can work this out. One step at a time. Okay?"

Hakase blinked several times, nervous and scared out of her wits, before finally making a decision and giving a brief, hesitating peck of her own upon Sakurako's lips. "Thank you. You're a wonderful person."

The cheerleader giggled. "Oh my! That's a very unscientific thing to say!"

Hakase weakly smiled back. "You're right. You are a highly sentimentally developed individual, gifted with enough of an undecipherable charming presence to impose a brisk, radical alteration of my personal paradigms."

"I didn't understand a single thing of what you've just said, so yeah, that sounds more like the you I know and love."

They hugged. "One step at a time," Hakase reminded her.

Sakurako rested her chin on her shoulder. "Hopefully they all will be like this one."

"Amen."

* * *

 

**Act 17:**

Chisame thought she was starting to get the basic gist of this dancing stuff.

At the very least, Haruna kept her huge mouth shut for once while doing it, and Chisame was thankful for that. True, the smug and kind of provocative strange way she looked at her while dancing unnerved her, but that was Saotome, a tease to the end in any situation, no matter how inappropriate it was.

Out the corner of her eye, Chisame saw Itoshiki had handed Asuna over to Ayaka of all people, both girls angrily trying their best to step on each other's feet and avoid being stepped on. Yet, somehow, they seemed to be dancing well, more or less. They simply had that kind of dynamics when forced to act together at something.

Meanwhile, Nozomu himself had switched over to Roberta, which made him look somewhat more relaxed, less distressed. Perhaps because their sizes were more even, but most likely because the age taboo was gone. The maid still clumsily stepped on his feet with each movement, but he apparently thought it was a small price to pay for shaking the awkward Lolicon imagery off himself. Plus he probably enjoyed it, on some level.

Misa had, in turn, taken Misora, and both of them stared tensely at each other, as if guessing their respective ultimate intentions for the night, but neither willing to admit knowledge of that.

Fuuka and Fumika had traded partners, and Nodoka was having serious problems now keeping the pace of the extroverted twin, while Yue felt more at ease following Fumika's cue.

Konoka still wasn't letting Setsuna go. Hakase and Shiina had just disappeared. Where were they? Madoka and Kaede had sat down for some drinks, and were chatting amiably.

Chisame's feet were getting tired, but it could be worth it if she could think of a way to incorporate dancing into her web routine. The only problem being most fanboys she knew wouldn't be interested on solo dances unless they were of a kind she definitely wasn't willing to show.

Maybe she could compromise and put on a small dance number with Hakase, assuming she would be willing to go with it? Somehow, the idea of dancing with her sounded almost... entertaining. She pictured Hakase dolled up in a cute pink outfit, maybe with her hair made up in twin buns or two higher pigtails, and couldn't avoid chuckling to herself. Haruna smirked at that, but thankfully she didn't ask or comment on it.

Then, a loud gasp from Ayaka seemed to paralyze everyone on the spot.

Following the blonde's shocked glare, they all saw Negi and Cocone had accidentally (at least that was the general consensus, but even years after the matter, Cocone still wouldn't give clear confirmation one way or another) ended up together under the mistletoe.

Chisame's sudden grimace would have made Jim Carrey envious.

Nodoka had gone as pale as a snowman.

Fuuka and Fumika cooed, then shared a malicious giggle.

Asuna let a sarcastic whistle out.

Roberta's face betrayed absolutely no change at all.

Itoshiki, on the other hand, ran his hands through his hair, then began to pluck it out. "Underaged debauchery wherever I look... and I've become an accomplice of it..."

Haruna pumped a fist up. "Way to go, Nunny-chan! You beat us all to it!"

"Well, well..." Kaede smiled. "And now what will you do, Negi-bouzou?"

"W-Well, of course I... I can't...!" his tongue tripped on itself, and he simply stood baffled and quiet for a moment, but then Cocone grabbed his chin, held his face a bit higher, and landed a short, stable but noisy, kiss on his lips.

"C-C-COCONE-SAN!" Negi quickly backed away, his face resembling a tomato.

"DAMMIT, COCONE, I'M TELLING SISTER SHAKTI!" Misora yelled.

"It was just nature following its course," the smaller girl indifferently said.

"What kind of excuse is that?-!" Ayaka exclaimed.

"I think it's a logical one," Asuna mused. "Nature is just killing the dinosaurs with this Ice Age."

"Shut up, Asuna-san!" Yukihiro snapped. "Not only is your statement offensive, but biologically incorrect!"

"Ahhh, bite me, Jurassic Park refugee!"

Chisame sighed, mortified. She definitively wasn't looking forward to the New Year's Party.

Cocone lowered her head humbly, looked aside showing total apathy, and for the briefest instant she was sure no one was paying her any attention by being too busy recovering from shock or bickering with each other, made a very diminutive smile for herself.

* * *

 

**Epilogue 1:**

Somewhere else, worlds away:

Air. Water. Earth. And Fire. Long ago, the four elements live in harmony. And then the Fire Nation– WHOOPS, wrong world! Let's try this again…

Air. Water. Earth. And Fire. The four classical elements most magic is based on. Other than the forbidden Black Magic, which drew its open from demons, and the hard to master White Magic, usually reserved for priestesses and monks, the vast majority of magic users at Mundus Magicus used the four basic elements for their conjurations. Only a precious few could master more than one element in their lifetimes; it was generally expected for you to settle for a single one of them and excel at it. And different nations tended to specialize on different elements as their general source of power.

Mages from Vespertatia most often were related to the air element.

The Temple of Wind was located at the top of the country's tallest mountain, overlooking the wrecked ruins of the old Ostian capital. A black haired, pale skinned young woman clad in light blue, with a short cape hanging from her shoulders, was currently standing at the edge of the temple's entrance, silently staring down at the ruins. Behind her, several younger women in lesser versions of her outfit waited reverently. All of them had thoughtful, concerned expressions etched on their faces.

Only the impeccably dressed tall and handsome man with glasses standing near the women smiled with confidence, his sandy blondish hair blowing in the intense, cold mountain breeze.

"What, may I ask, is troubling you now, High Priestess?" he rhetorically asked, with an elegant and cultured voice that hid just the slightest hint of jovial mockery.

"Is there any need to ask, Governor?" the black haired female humorlessly said. "I was only a child when that tragedy befell us. I have no concrete memories of those times, only the consequences that shook us for years afterwards. And now, when Vespertatia starts standing back up, all of this world might perish with it."

"And yet, surrendering to despair has never been the solution for such a big scope matter," the man calmly said. "Keep your famed wits and cool head on your shoulders, Your Holyness. After all, it wouldn't be proper to give a bad impression to our allies from Mundus Vetus."

He lifted his gaze up to look at the gigantic whale shaped aircraft approaching through the skies, finding its cautious path between the mountains. "Ah. Here they are."

The young women stood straighter behind their leader, bowing as a single woman as the ship hovered over the temple, and a small round platform floated down from it, being softly lowered down to the temple's level by a steady downward stream of wind magic. Two women and a man stood on the platform.

The man wore black, and his hair was also black, with a small stubble beard. Dark red tinted glasses covered his eyes, and thick white gloves covered his hands. At his right, a thin, frail looking, yet busty and well shaped woman with short brown hair and a warm, confident smile. At his left, a taller, paler woman with long golden hair and narrow blue eyes. Both of them wearing practical black uniforms with long white coats over them.

"Welcome to the Holy Republic of Vespertatia, Commander Ikari Gendo, Doctor Ikari Yui, Doctor Inez Fressange. In the name of all our citizens, I, Governor General Kurt Godel, welcome you to the Temple of Wind of the Old Ostia Imperial Capital. Allow me to introduce you to the current High Priestess at charge of the Temple, Lady Afura Mann." The black haired lady forced a stiff reverence.

"Charmed to be here," the bearded man said with a brief bowing of his own while they stepped off the platform. He shook the other man's hand. "It's been a long while, Governor."

"Indeed," Godel gave him a nod. "How is your son now, Commander?"

"As usual," the man from another world said coldly, quickly changing the subject. "We'd certainly love to spend more time sharing formalities with you, Sir, Madame, but as we all know, the time we have is limited, and we should get going straight to the source."

Afura nodded. "My thoughts exactly. Follow me. I will take you with her."

As the younger priestesses opened a path for them and Afura led the way inside the ancient building, the only remaining functional piece from the Old Ostia, Godel chuckled slightly at Ikari. "As much of a man of action as always, Ikari."

"You always were the hands-on man, Godel," the one named Gendo dryly delivered. "I simply believe on using the time we have as efficiently as possibly."

The brown haired woman spoke with a gentle, kind voice. "What is the current situation of the subject? Communications between our worlds are slower than we all would like, and we need to know if there have been any changes on her condition."

"She keeps worsening," Mann said without looking back, her steps echoing through the halls. "Her physical degradation is reaching a degree where it grows quicker by the day. All our prayers and healing spells are for naught. We are losing her."

"That's something we cannot allow," the Commander stated. "She's the only thing currently keeping her superiors from sending their Messengers to eradicate both worlds."

"They wouldn't even need it, in Mundus Magicus' case," Godel mused, his tone shifting from casual to grim. "The collapse is imminent; right now, draining her energy out is all that is keeping us stable. And yet, her power is exhausting itself down much faster than you had predicted."

"Are you sure you haven't been abusing the extraction rates we had agreed on?" the blonde coldly accused.

"Doctor Fressange, we aren't suicidal," the Governor replied. He paused, then amended, "In this regard, anyway."

"This temple was built to honor the goddess. We never would abuse her beyond the strictly necessary for our survival," Afura interjected. "As it is, several of us already have serious doubts about the wisdom of this project."

"Your opinions on this project have been well known even since your arrival to this position, Your Holiness," Ikari Yui nodded. "We have read your reports."

"You brought the light from Heaven, and man cannot do such a thing without expecting to pay a price," the priestess began leading them down a long, long, dark set of stairs downwards. "Yes, I believe we have brought this upon ourselves. And yet, at this point, we can do nothing but continuing forging ahead."

"We didn't make the first strike, Your Holiness," Gendo icily snapped.

The holy woman made an incredulous sound. "The goddess is a messenger of peace and good will, not an emissary of war. We don't believe her arrival was supposed to herald doom. Until you chained her down and tossed her at our doorstep."

"Man shouldn't align himself with gods against his fellow men, Your Holiness," Gendo patiently observed.

Afura Mann scowled, although they couldn't see her face, marching behind her as they were. "Man shouldn't look for divinity over his fellow men, either."

They stopped before a huge, titanic, imposing thick red door that dwarfed them all. It was surrounded by several troops of heavily armed guards. Afura muttered an arcane prayer, running a hand over the door, and it slowly opened itself, allowing them access to the humongous dark chamber beyond it.

"Get your instruments and readings ready," the Commander told the two women who came with him. "I have the certainty we will be here for a very long time."

Afura sadly looked up at the impossibly tall red cross at the other end of the chamber.

"As it should be," she commented. "Healing the divine, repairing the foolishly broken, putting what is above our understanding back together after our own ignorance destroyed it, should never be an easy task."

The naked pale woman with long light brown hair was nailed to the cross by her ankles and wrists, head hanging down, eyes closed. She was impossibly, perfectly beautiful, but her beauty was nearly cadaverous now. Silent and barely breathing, she was little else than a rag doll with light blue facial markings, a delicate flesh and blood agonizing relic. Because, as Afura Mann was so effectively summing it up,

"Lady Belldandy is dying."

* * *

 

**Epilogue 2:**

The three young people still was sitting in dumbfounded silence around Ayaka's Christmas gift. Ever since they unwrapped it the night before, they still couldn't decide what to do with it.

Finally, Negi said, "I just don't have the heart to toss it into the trash..."

"I don't have the strong arms to toss it into the trash!" Chisame mouthed.

"But it's taking space that could be used for my experiments!" Hakase complained.

Chisame turned to her. "Time to Pactio up, genius. Robot arms time!"

Chamo skipped over to the huge bust made of finely sculpted stone at the corner and knocked on it with a paw. He chuckled. "Looks like that Class Rep likes nothing better than a rock-hard Bro!"

Negi blinked in confusion. "I don't get it. Was that a joke?" the teacher asked.

"Maybe we just should tie you to it and dump it into the river," Hasegawa told Chamo. "We'd kill two birds with one stone that way. Literally. Or an ermine with a stone. Good enough for me in either case."

"I'll go get the rope," Satomi announced, pulling out her Pactio card. She picked up the bust.

Negi gave his friend a sympathetic look. "In case you don't get to see the next Christmas, Chamo, I just want to tell you-"

The weasel held a paw up. "Bro. Before we continue this conversation, I think there's a new concept I must teach you. Have you ever heard about 'Bros before Hos'...?"

A huge stone bust dropped on the ermine's head.

"Oopsy," Hakase said blandly, her backpack's arms empty hands flailing. "Butterfingers."

* * *

 

 **Next:** Dodgeball Battle against Class 2-F!


	22. Lesson 19: Child's Play

* * *

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, and I mean huge, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this chapter excellently and adding the Omakes at the very end. I love you, man! In the Internet brotherly way, of course.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. No joke.

Attention, readers! This is intended to be the most over the top chapter yet, before we temporarily move to (somewhat) more serious waters. With everything that involves.

 **Ogro:** Thanks for the very insightful review. This chapter was already mostly done before I could take your points in consideration, but rest assured this probably will be the single most crossover heavy chapter up until Mahorafest. I thought it was needed to add to the larger scope feeling of Expanded Mahora, and also, frankly, I hate the 'Two Teachers School' trope. Concerning the Kyoto Arc, trust me, I madly want to get there, too. Just give me a few more chapters of world set building first, please. As for the Yuri teasing… well, it'll never go away, but you'll also see more hetero teasing soon as well. (And maybe some Ho Yay as well, for those who are into it. Maybe. I'm listening to everyone's opinions on the matter).

Everyone else who has reviewed, and those who vote in the poll: Thank you from the bottom of my soul.

If anyone manages to identify all, or the majority of, the cameos and Easter Eggs in this chapter, they'll get a honor mention next time.

* * *

 

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL-LESSON NINETEEN.

* * *

 

**Prologue:**

A few days after, the weather had cleared up again, at least enough to allow most of the students to freely play outside.

Class 2-C was having one of its usual innocent paintball shootouts near the lake. Like always, it all was fun and games until Tsukamoto Tenma almost lost an eye.

Class 2-E was having a baseball game between Suzumiya's small faction and basically everyone else at the classroom, and against all odds, or perhaps not knowing her reputation, Suzumiya was winning the game almost single handedly.

High School Class 1-C was supposed to be on a picnic, although Chad had just wandered away to feed stray kitties with Chachamaru and Sasaki-san from Yukari-sensei's class. Ishida hadn't even shown up to begin with. Chizuru had scared half of her female classmates away already, and Rukia and Ichigo had just left with a lame excuse involving an inexistent shared cousin falling into a cement mixer.

Again, Class 2-A's activities were one of the relatively scarce spots of normality around. And that was something horribly scary in and of itself.

The four girls known as the Sports Quartet were happily playing volleyball apart from any bothersome interlopers.

"In the air!" Akashi Yuuna said as she sent the ball flying up again.

"Got it!" the shorthaired Izumi Ako intercepted it, sending it in the direction of a pink haired classmate. "All yours, Makie!"

"Yeah!" Sasaki Makie hit the ball towards the tallest one of the four. "Say, guys... Now the term's ending, do you think Negi-kun will teach us again next year?"

"Who knows?" Akira calmly said, sending the ball back to Yuuna. "I wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, things have been much more entertaining since he's here." The chocolate haired girl served over to Ako.

The assistant nurse stopped for a moment to catch her breath back, holding the ball between her hands. "He's... He's truly doing his best at it," she said with clear admiration. "Sometimes I feel bad when we just do whatever we want. What if we get him into trouble?"

Yuuna winked an eye at her. "Don't be such a worrywart! This school's a piece of cake, actually. Even a chicken could teach here. Oh, good morning, Boo-sensei!" she greeted as she suddenly noticed a teacher passing by next to them.

"Bu-kawwk!" the teacher saluted back with his strange foreign accent before walking away into the distance.

"Yeah, but Negi-sensei's still only ten years old," Makie giggled nervously. "Smart as he is, do you really think he can help me pass the final test?"

"Yep, and unlike Takahata-sensei, we can't ask him adult questions," Yuuna chuckled. "We might as well just have to teach him about that stuff!"

"Iincho and Misa seem intent to, anyway," Akira observed.

"You guys are terrible," Ako sent the ball for Makie.

"I'd like to be his big sis!" the pink haired gymnast sighed dreamingly. "And I'd hug him to sleep, and tell him stories, and— Oops!" the ball flew past her in her distraction. "Sorry!"

"Keep your head on your shoulders, 'Sis'!" Yuuna teased her.

"Geez, don't be so mean!" Makie complained while running after the ball. "I might be very good at it, you know. I mean, if it's simple enough for Hakase to do…"

Then someone else picked the ball up for her. Makie stopped before that person. "Ahhh, thanks for picking it up!"

But that person didn't give the ball back. She and those behind her only looked at the quartet, before the newcomers' lead simply barked a brief and serious, "Sisters? Don't make us laugh. We can clearly guess your true improper, deviant intentions!"

Makie gasped, backing away. "W-Wait, now I remember you! You are—!"

"Oh crapola," Yuuna clenched her teeth.

Ako felt like fainting again.

* * *

 

**Act One:**

Headmaster Konoe stood up while all the gathered teachers waited in expectant, respectful silence. All but Kuroi-sensei, who was too busy with her PSP, Hanyuu-sensei, who was flipping through an issue of Teen Heartbreak Magazine, and Yukari-sensei, who sat with her head hanging down and tiny Zs escaping her mouth.

"For the last point of our meeting," the old man said, after a brief fit of dry coughing, "I wish to remind everyone that, until our final tests for this term are finished, all extracurricular and club activities will be suspended, to grant our students more time to prepare themselves. I suggest you all to encourage them to devote as much of their time as they can to it, and not waste time on silly things like writing fanfiction about that boy wizard. That being said, I'm glad to announce the overall academic performance of our students has greatly improved during this term. I congratulate you all on your achievements."

He seemed to pause to regain his breath, then continued just as solemnly, "Now I shall grant you the deserved reward for your continuous efforts." All teachers, even the normally calm and collected Takamichi, perked up with sudden glint in their eyes, "Your term-end bonuses!"

Now that suddenly snapped Yukari-sensei out of her hibernation. "DEBT COVERAGE!"

Konoemon sighed and decided to start with her. "Tanizaki Yukari-sensei, Spanish," he held an envelope up.

The pretty brown haired snatched it away with a radiant expression. "My life is SAVED!"

"Are the loan sharks closing in again?" Itoshiki-sensei asked.

Yukari nodded. "They've started leaving threatening notes at the door. Even saying they'll kidnap Nyamo..."

The young athletic teacher sitting next to her rubbed her temples. "Why did I have to be your best and only friend?"

"Kurosawa Minamo-sensei, Swimming Coach" the principal handed her envelope to her. The cute woman's eyes shone until she saw the amount of her payment. "... Why did I get less than Yukari?"

Yukari looked aside, seeming offended. "The nerve of you! Don't tell me you already forgot what you did to the pool!"

"No, wait, that was your fault!" Kurosawa-sensei protested.

"You can't prove anything!" Yukari squirmed around nervously.

"Fujisawa Masamichi-sensei, Track and Field Coach," Konoemon did their best to ignore them, turning to a lanky, badly shaved man with unruly black hair and a long, unremarkable face.

"Try not to blow it all in booze, Fuji!" Yukari mocked him.

"I'd never do such a thing!" Fujisawa claimed.

"What a horrible liar! You're already smelling of liquor, and it's only nine o'clock!" Tanizaki insisted.

"I-It's just my cologne!" the man lied rather badly.

"You should stop drinking your cologne then. It's supposed to be used on your skin," Midori-sensei remarked, triggering several different degrees of laughter from the other teachers, from Takamichi's held back chuckles to Yukari's crass guffaws. Even Konoemon chuckled under his breath. Only Negi sat in confused silence, Itoshiki was too jaded to feel anything, and Fujisawa simply muttered in embarrassment.

"Oh, what will we do with you... Sugiura Midori-sensei, World History," the dean gave her the envelope. The busty young redhead smiled while the tiny green parakeet on her right shoulder flapped its wings around. "I know you'll give it a good use."

"You still saving for that trip to America?" Yukari asked her.

"What is it to you?" Midori scoffed at her.

"Hanyuu Mimi-sensei, Biology," Konoemon walked over to the wavy haired blonde with thick round glasses. She still was submerged into her reading. "Ahem. Hanyuu Mimi-sensei, Biology."

"Yeah?" Hanyuu-sensei mechanically asked.

"Your term-end bonus," Konoe patiently explained.

"Um, yeah," she extended a hand. "Thanks. You're a dearie. Yeah."

"That's no way to— Oh, forget it!" another woman with glasses, this one a few years older, taller and bustier, with short dark brown hair, began to scold her only to hold herself back. "Ohh, forget it! There's no point on talking to you!"

"Ririko Kagome-sensei, Math," Konoemon offered her an envelope next. She expressed her thanks with a deep bowing of her head.

"Nekonome Shizuka-sensei, Social Studies," a third pretty woman with glasses, this one also with golden hair hat fell to her shoulders, received the bonus with a contented catlike smile.

The rather long list went on.

"Takahata Takamichi-sensei, Art..."

"Thank you, Konoe-sensei."

"Itoshiki Nozomu-sensei, Classic Literature..."

"Money? Money doesn't make happiness! I should know! I grew up surrounded by luxury, and yet my life has been nothing but a long string of—"

Koenoemon reached to take the check back. "Well, if you don't want it..."

"... On second thought, I'll take it."

"Kuroi Nanako-sensei, Japanese History."

"... I take it my petition to get paid in points for the Animate stores was rejected?"

"Yes," Konoemon simply said before moving on, "Aoki Daisuke, Elementary 3-A Homeroom Teacher..."

"Konoemon-sensei," the young man helplessly pleaded, "About my petition to be moved to a class with older, less creepily forward students...?"

If he heard him, Konoe gave no signs of acknowledging it. "Shirai Sae-sensei, Elementary 3-B Homeroom Teacher..."

The stern looking black haired woman with glasses thanked in a way similar to Ririko Kagome's.

"Mido Miko, Sex Education…"

"Ah, could you, ah please put it on the table…?" the purple-haired teacher said, eyes half-lidded, hands nowhere to be seen.

"Boo Welker-sensei, Ornithology..."

"BU-KAWWK! BU-KAWWK!"

Shirai-sensei leaned into Aoki and whispered in a conspirative way into his ear, "I still think he's a chicken... A giant chicken..."

Aoki-sensei blinked, nodded stiffly, and then warily, slowly, backed apart from her.

After going past Nitta-sensei, Kimura-sensei, Jinroku-sensei, Fujimura Taiga-sensei and a few others I won't be as cruel as to list here one by one, Konoemon finally walked to Negi's side.

"Negi Springfield-sensei."

"Yes, sir?"

The old man gave him two pats on a shoulder. "As the youngest member of our facility, you have proven yourself as someone with skills and determination far beyond their age. I believe you have, in the short amount of time you've been with us, more than earned a heartfelt congratulation from all of us."

The other teachers stood up and clapped their hands for him, even Yukari, Nitta and Itoshiki. While it lasted, Negi's eyes watered up. "Everyone... Thank you so very much..."

"However..." Konoemon cautioned.

"... What?" Negi blinked.

"There is something I'm afraid I must request from you to allow you full time membership as a permanent part of this facility for the next term," the old man seriously cautioned.

"Eh?" Negi helplessly babbled, feeling an ill omen about it.

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

The Dean's words still weighed heavily on Negi's mind as he walked out of the meeting room with Itoshiki.

"If a single one of them fails at the test, I won't be allowed to stay..." he mumbled, shambling ahead like a broken shell of a boy. Itoshiki had never thought he'd see the day when himself would look relatively calm and contented while walking at the child's side. It didn't feel right at all. It was like someone had stuck the 110 volt universe into the 220volt socket. He looked around nervously, afraid he'd suddenly start sexually attracting geriatrics.

"A certainly unexpected turn of events, but I'm sure the Headmaster does have his reasons," the adult exposed. "So far, all your activities here, other than the fight against the immortal sorceress who nearly took your life and damned your soul to an eternity of service to darkness, posed no challenge at all, and a mage's life is filled with maddening responsibilities beyond the ken of any normal man. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll succeed at this task."

"Thank you, Itoshiki-sensei," Negi honestly said.

"Otherwise, you won't be charged with even worse burdens later on," Nozomu completed.

"You have quite a strange notion of optimism," the boy teacher observed.

"The reward for work well done is more work," the older man quoted, proving he was, in fact, actually a literature teacher.

As they walked out into the open, Negi was pretty much tackled by a bawling Makie. "Negi-senseiiiii! We're being attacked! Save us, pleaseeee!" She held a hand up. "Look, they even hurt me! I got a boo-boo!"

Nozomu sighed. "Acting younger than him won't make him look any better, Sasaki-kun!"

Makie sniffed, then pointed an accusing finger at him. "You shouldn't talk! This is all YOUR fault, Despair-sensei!"

"MINE?-!" the man gasped. "I have an iron-clad alibi! And women are always the ones hitting on me! You can't prove anything! I know a good lawyer! Well, point in fact, I know Kimura, and _she_ knows the lawyers, but still…"

Negi gulped, examining the nearly-microscopic wound on Makie's hand. "Who did this to you, Sasaki-san?"

"A horrible heartless monster!" she cried. "A brutal beast! A cruel machine of destruction who ran all over us! We never had a chance!"

"Ah. You mean Kitsu-san," Nozomu coolly understood.

Makie sobbed, then nodded just once.

Near there, Kitsu Chiri sneezed and rubbed her nose. "Maybe the weather's still too cold?"

"You think so?" Kafuka blinked, standing at her side and currently holding the ball. "I feel just wonderful! Surely the goosebumps prickling across my skin as my teeth want to chatter is merely my body's way of celebrating the seasons!"

"Give that ball back! It's ours, and so is this place!" Yuuna complained while the much taller, much blonder Kimura Kaere easily held her back with only a hand put over the area between her chest and her neck.

"I don't remember you ever claiming exclusive rights over this sector of campus, Akashi-san!" Chiri sternly lectured. "Furthermore, we used this area long before you even graduated from elementary school! It's just natural for us to have priority right to it!"

"Please, don't fight..." Ako weakly pleaded. "I, for one, am willing to leave if I must..."

"AKO!" another voice called out. "Don't even think of giving them the pleasure!"

The girls loooked back to see Asuna arriving the scene, closely followed by Ayaka, Konoka, Haruna, Yue, Nodoka and Kazumi.

"I'll handle this, Asuna-san," the blond heiress stepped forward. "Kitsu-san! From one Class Rep to another, I demand an explanation on this!"

"But Chiri-chan isn't our Class Rep..." Hitou Nami pointed from the back of the 2-F group, although no one paid her any attention, much less Chiri herself.

"Your friends have been hogging our old playground, and we have need of it!" Kitsu shouted back. "The only proper thing for you all to do is stepping back for your Sempais!"

"Says who?" Asuna barked. "They were here before, weren't they? First come, first serve!"

"We served ourselves three years before you!" Kaere exclaimed. "We could sue you over you disrespect of our seniority privileges!"

Ayaka put a hand next to her mouth and laughed. "OH, HO HO HO! Of course, I had forgotten! Silly us! We shouldn't abuse fragile, senile senior citizens like you!"

Two perfectly symmetrical veins popped up on Chiri's wide forehead. "What have you just said, you decadent arrogant aristocrat?"

Asuna looked over at the librarians. "What did she just mean by that?"

"Stuck up rich bitch," Haruna translated.

Baka Red blinked a few times. "Oh. Not like I don't agree with that, but still—"

"ASUNA-SAN!" Ayaka yelled. "WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?"

"Can I make up a side without you in it?"

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

By the time Makie led Negi and Nozomu there, things had escalated into a full-on war in progress, with pretty much all of the school watching at the sidelines.

"Catfight! Catfight! Rip your clothes off! There's some mud over there! Kitsu-sempai, dunk them in there!" Honsho Chizuru whistled madly. Next to her, Orihime exhaled deeply, wishing for Rukia and her pacifier punch to be there.

"Excuse us, please!" Negi pushed his way past a group of boys taking pictures. "And put those cameras down, please! I mean it!" He eventually made it to where Munakata Shiho stood up fuming angrily. "Munakata-san, what's the situation?"

"Ah, Sensei! Those awful high school girls are pushing your students around! Even Mana Onee-sama has been involved!" the redheaded short girl noticed him. "I wanted to help, but she told me to stay back!"

The tall boy with blondish hair and thick brown sideburns standing next to her snorted, with his hands in his pockets. "She can defend herself, Shiho. You'd only be in her way..."

"That's a cruel thing to say, Tate Onii-chan!" the girl cried, her four pigtails flailing around like the (supposed) snakes on Medusa's head. "Negi-sensei, save your students!"

"Of course!" he strode ahead without waiting any further, despite Makie and Itoshiki's unheard warnings.

Tate Yuuichi looked down at Shiho and mumbled. "Man, why did you push him into doing that? He's just a kid! They'll eat him alive!"

Shiho huffed, looking aside. "It's his duty, like it or not!"

Makie pushed Nozomu ahead. "It's your duty, too! So honor it, okay?"

He still tried to resist. "But I believe on allowing youth to express itself no matter what! Plus, I'm sure our insurance will cover all injuries!"

Meanwhile, Negi was already separating Chiri and Ayaka from pulling each other's hair off, much to the disappointment of a large sector of the public. "Enough! E-Enough, I say!" he tried to sound firm. "This is no way for young ladies to behave themselves! You're going to stop right now!"

"Negi-sensei!" Ayaka blushed, immediately stopping. "I... I'm sorry about this, but these vandals were offending and threatening our classmates! And they simply do not understand reason!"

"You were the ones who stole our rights to use these grounds, relegating us to those near the kindergarten!" Chiri accused, pointing a finger at 2-A. "Do you have any idea of how annoying it is, to practice SERIOUS SPORTS next to a classroom of pre schoolers?-! The creepy one with bells in her hair and the blonde one were competing to see whose swimsuit could seduce their teacher!"

"Hey, we aren't kindergarteners!" a small child with stupidly long blond hair shrieked from the crowd. "We're in third grade! And we don't enjoy playing next to you, either!"

The even tinier pale girl with long black hair at her left nodded while suggestively sucking her lollipop, creeping out all males in sight. "You tell 'em, Rin-chan..."

"It's... It's all my fault!" Kaga Ai wailed.

"No, it isn't!" Nami told her. "Chiri's right, 2-A abuses its connections!"

Asuna narrowed her eyes. "What are you implying with that?"

"Well, Konoe-san's grandpa is the Dean, and Akashi-san's dad is a teacher," Tsunetsuki Matoi calmly took a brief moment off from stalking her latest crush. "We're only saying what no one else dares to; you guys seem to take a lot of breaks too often..."

"You even are the protagonists of this story!" Kafuka pointed out.

A sudden blunt silence fell all over the school.

Two crows passed by flying and cawing way above Kafuka's head, and only when they were gone, everyone began to move again.

"... But you guys have taken a lot of protagonism away from us too... Hell, I once was the absolute protagonist, now I'm lucky when I get a cameo..." Asuna mumbled under her breath before exploding, "Anyway, you can't throw those accusations around so lightly!"

"Yeah, take it back, you buncha freaks!" Yuuna said.

"Akashi-san! Language!" Negi replied.

"Sorry sensei. Take it back, you group of genetically mutated nocturnal cannibalistic cave-dwelling sociopaths!"

"No, we demand satisfaction!" Chiri stood her ground. "Only four of you were using this place, and all of us needed it!" She gestured around towards the whole rest of her class, all of whom nodded in agreement, even Ai. "The needs of the collective must impose themselves upon the needs of a few!"

"Actually, I do believe they have a point there, Negi-sensei," Itoshiki intervened.

"You should! You're their organ grinder, after all!" Yuuna growled.

"... Have you just called us monkeys?" the soft spoken Okusa Manami asked, perplexed.

"¡Implicaciones Desafortunadas!" a short, healthy and energetic black haired girl with deeply dark skin and no shoes jumped up.

"Maria-chan's right!" Kaere nodded. "We'll sue!"

"Oh, for the love of—!" Chao slapped a hand on her own face.

"No one will sue anyone!" Negi insisted. "Desist and forget this nonsense, everyone, or we'll be forced to enact some serious authority measures!"

"In other words... we'll call on Takahata-sensei!" Itoshiki explained.

Then a loud female laugh startled everyone. "OH, HO HO HO HO!"

Asuna shot Ayaka a glare. "This isn't a moment to laugh, dumbass!"

Her rival growled back. "It wasn't me, you dolt!"

"I know that voice..." Kazumi blinked.

"HO HO HO HO! How pitiful of two so-called teachers!" Like the Red Sea splitting to allow the Hebrews to pass, so the crowd split fearfully to allow a tall, very busty blonde with way long gold hair and sharp blue eyes to wander in, closely followed by a mousy looking short younger girl with glasses, short brown hair and no curves, holding a pen and notebook in her hands.

"It's Suzushiro Haruka-sempai, the Vice President of the Student Council, and her assistant Yukino-sempai!" Kazumi helpfully expositioned to Negi.

"Just what we needed..." Ayaka muttered between clenched teeth.

Negi noticed her discomfort quickly. "Why doesn't Iinchou-san like her?" he asked Asakura.

The red-haired reporter winked an eye at him. "Sensei, you ever heard about being so much like someone else you can't help but hating that person?"

"... No," he admitted. Harry Potter didn't count. He wasn't a real person.

Kazumi shrugged. "Well, you're about to see it now, then..."

* * *

 

**Act Four:**

The big breasted blonde stopped before both arguing parties, fists balled up at her wide hips.

"In the name of the Mahora Student Council, I, Suzushiro Haruka, have come to stop this felly!" she loudly proclaimed.

"The right term is 'folly', Haruka-chan, " the girl behind her told her, in a very low and submissive voice eerily reminiscing of Nodoka's.

Not paying her any attention, the Vice President went on, "What shame upon the good name of this Academy! I expected better even from 2-A and 2-F! Tell me, who started this?"

"THEY DID!" Chiri and Ayaka pointed at once at each other.

Meanwhile, Chisame was just arriving with Hakase, approaching Negi slowly. "Sensei? What's the problem this time?"

"You wanted to steal our old dodgeball training spot away," the tall and heavily bandaged Kobushi Abiru told her.

"What?" Chisame's mouth twitched. "I don't even play dodgeball!"

"That's the perfect excuse, though, isn't it?" Abiru countered.

"And I wasn't even here!"

"That only makes it even more conveniently perfect..."

Haruka perked an ear up. "Dodgeball?"

"Actually, we were playing volleyball," Akira said.

"But we wanted to play dodgeball!" Chiri exclaimed.

"So this is all because of a game of ball?" Haruka rubbed her chin. "How frivolous, but I figure we also can put your misguided sports spirit to good use..."

"I don't like that sudden spark in your eyes. It always speaks of doom and incoming misery for all those involved," Ayaka snorted.

"Maybe we still can escape," Yue opined.

Oblivious to everyone else, Haruka raised an index finger up. "We shall solve these long standing differences between classes with a healthy match of the sport in question!"

"We're going to play volleyball against them?" Asuna blinked.

Haruka scratched herself on a cheek, thinking it over. "Mmmmmm... Nah, perhaps dodgeball would be better. It'd help you to vent your primal, base frustrations out a lot better!" She snapped her fingers. "Yukino!"

"Yes, Haruka-chan?" her secretary rushed to her side.

"Book me this area for tomorrow at this same hour! Also, call Jinnai-san and tell him to secure enough budget for an impromptu event!" She tightened a fist and held it up. "This has potential! Through an encounter between classes destined to be bitter rivals, but joined up by the power of sportmanshionip, we'll inspire all the student body to excel at their respective fields, lifting their spirits like never before!"

"I believe the word you were looking for is 'sportsmanship', Haruka-chan, " Yukino meekly pointed out.

"Girls playing dodgeball!" a nearby boy shouted.

"In short shorts!" another one added.

"My spirit's already up, and it's not alone!" a third one completed.

"... Pigs," Itoshiki muttered, then told Haruka, "Suzushiro-kun, wouldn't it be better if we just arrange a usage schedule between both classes?"

"Sensei, you weren't able to settle this down before, why should we expect for you to do it now?" the student authority figure told him rather curtly.

Nozomu's jaw hung down, then he quickly moved away to crouch down into a Corner of Woe. "You... You're right. I have utterly failed at my educative goal..."

"I'm all for it!" Chiri nodded with vigor. "It's time we taught you juniors to respect your upperclassmen!"

"Says you!" Asuna shouted back. "But yeah, we'll take it! You're going to fall hard, grannies!"

"YAY, GAME!" Kafuka and Konoka cheered at once with their nearly identical voices.

"Asuna, no!" Makie gasped. "I know how does this go! It's like in TV comedies! Now they'll try to get us into a bet, and they'll say they'll pull Negi-kun apart from us to teach them if we lose! And we'll have to suffer through a lot of comical hijinks to win!"

All of 2-F, minus the always baffled Ai, looked harshly at her.

"... Why would we do such a stupid thing? TEACHING ARRANGEMENTS DON'T WORK THAT WAY!" Kaere yelled, not noticing how the breeze randomly blew past her, toying with her short skirt and giving the nearby boys and Honsho Chizuru a brief peek of her strawberry imprinted panties.

"And besides, he already teaches us two English classes a week, " Nami coldly reminded 2-A.

"And we aren't disgusting pedophiles like the whole lot of you, " Chiri made a sickened face.

"HEY, HEY!" Asuna yelled.

"... I am very sorry," Chiri quickly amended. "We aren't disgusting pedophiles like the whole lot of you but the old man chaser." She soon became conscious of an evil look being pointed at her, but couldn't pinpoint from where. Setsuna continue to glare daggers at her.

"That's it!" Asuna had to be restrained by Kaede and Ku from behind, as she kicked and trashed. "As if you're one to talk! We all know you like Despair-sensei! Hypocrite! Flat-chested old maid!"

Now it was Chiri who had to be restrained by Kaere and Abiru. "Who are you calling flat chested?-! If I didn't know you're clinically insane, I'd give you the ultimate punishment!"

"WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME INSANE, YOU FANATIC NUT?-!"

"NO ONE IN HER RIGHT MIND WEARS BELLS IN HER HAIR!"

From the sidelines, Haruka fumed in anger. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STOP THIS AT ONCE!"

Negi sat down next to her, along Chisame, both their heads slumping down.

"Welcome to my world, Suzushiro-san..." he sighed.

"I was going to ask for more details about what's happened here, but on second thought, forget it," Hasegawa mumbled.

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

As the girls around them bickered and shouted to each other, Yue and Nodoka noticed Haruna was oddly quiet and yet nervous. She squirmed uneasily in place, trying to avoid eye contact with 2-F. Even the two hair antennae on the top of her head were hanging unusually down.

"Haruna, are you feeling ill or something?" Yue asked her.

"Eh?" the mangaka looked at her. "Why should I be?"

"You haven't made a single sarcastic comment since this started," Nodoka pointed out.

"Yeah, and you haven't sexually harassed any of the sempais," the other librarian added.

Haruna chuckled rather falsely. "C'mon, girls! Surely you can't have such a low opinion of me...!"

"Yes, we do," Yue and Nodoka chorused.

"There's nothing wrong with me, really!" the black haired beauty protested. "It's just I don't think this match is such a hot idea!"

Even the rest of 2-A paused and took notice.

"Are you passing on a chance to have a pointless, childish match against someone else?" Mana asked her.

"And to see girls in sport shorts?" Chizuru questioned.

"And to get references for your sports manga?" Kazumi completed.

The artist looked, for once, just begging for everyone to draw attention away from her. "W-Well, now you put it that way, never mind... It's just..."

"Are you afraid of taking on a challenge, Paru-chan?" a confident voice called from the ranks of 2-F.

Haruna shuddered as the curvy, smiling figure of another girl with black hair and glasses strode ahead. Her hair was shorter than hers, and her eyes were sharper and less rounded, with an unique controlled foxiness to them compared to Haruna's habitual rampant exuberance.

The girl smirked knowingly. "That's very unlike you, Paru-chan. Disappointing, too. What happened to that old Saotome spirit you always boast about so much? Your Dad would be disappointed, don't you think?"

Haruna sweated bucket-loads now, biting her lower lip. "Like Hell I'm worried, Fujiyoshi-sempai, but..."

"Fujiyoshi?" Ako jolted up in place. "Like in 'Fujiyoshi Harumi'?"

"The Ace of All Sports?" Natsumi grew concerned. "The girl who rejected memberships from all sports clubs... _just because they bored her_?"

"She once swam laps with our club, and none of us could catch up to her," Akira's voice mildly cracked.

"Coach Fujisawa tried to recruit her for our track team. She's a freakin' beast!" Misora bit her fingernails. "I don't want to ever be at the opposite side of a court versus that woman!"

"She scares **Haruna**!" Fumika hugged Fuuka.

"She can't be human!" Fuuka hugged her twin back, both small girls weeping and looking for support on each other.

"Is she really that good?" Negi asked Kazumi.

The reporter nodded solemnly. "Pretty much all of 2-F is rather good at sports. And Fujiyoshi-sempai is the best of them all by far. Not only that, but she's the Vice President of the Mahora Manga Club. She says that's her true vocation..."

Harumi snickered. "Yeah, it was me who induced Paru-chan into our fascinating subculture. Before meeting me, she couldn't even tell the uke from the seme..."

"What does that mean?" Negi asked.

Chisame covered his ears. "YOU'RE MUCH BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING!"

Haruna's head hung low in shame. "My image... My precious public image cruelly shattered..."

Another tall and shapely older student, with long black hair and surrounded by her own girl posse, warned 2-A in a low, jaded tone, "You're insane if you think you have any chance against those hideous beasts in a game. We used to be the champions of the Mahora dodgeball circuit until we faced them." Then she sobbed in a loud, theatrical way, "Since that bitter day, the Black Lilies of St. Ursula have never been the same!"

"Calm down, please, Eiko-chan!" one of her friends consoled her.

"Please, someone get her pills!" another one of her classmates called out.

Negi gulped, and most of his students quickly followed suit.

Only Asuna was fully unimpressed, crossing her arms and chuckling. "Do you think that scares us?"

"Yes!" Misora said.

"A lot!" Fumika cried.

"I'm too young to die!" Natsumi pleaded.

"I haven't even kissed a boy yet!" Ako confessed.

"Silence!" Asuna hushed them. "With which face will we, umm, face the rest of the school if we back away from these weirdoes' challenge!-? Are we women, or mice? The first one to say 'mice' gets this in the face!" she held a fist up.

Nodoka, Natsumi, the twins, Misora and Ako quickly closed their mouths shut.

"For once, Asuna-san is right!" Ayaka regained her fighting spirit. "Girls, if we stand together, we won't fall to such uncouth opponents! Trust your Iincho! I shall guide you to victory in the name of Negi-sensei!"

Tsunetsuki Matoi giggled. "Love for such a small fry won't lead you anywhere! **My** first boyfriend was a professional dodgeball player! Twice a national champion! He taught me all he knows on the sport!"

"Matoi-chan has picked up a lot of great talents from all her boyfriends!" Kafuka piped in cheerfully. "Origami mastery! Whack-A-Mole playing! Expert gardening! Crosswords solving! Rhinoceros taming! Dub acting! Kabuki acting! Cat Dog trivia! Motorcycle repairing! Crack Fic writing!"

Matoi nodded proudly. "The power of my Deep Love has left me a mistress of a thousand disciplines!"

"She dated a fanfic writer?" Even Satsuki was repressing a face of disgust at that.

"Some people just have no standards!" Ayaka was feeling ill.

"It was Shadow Crystal Mage!" Matoi said proudly, as if this was a declaration of pedigree.

There was silence.

"I'm trying to figure out who did more damage to who…" Chisame said.

* * *

 

**Act Six:**

That night, for the first time since Christmas, Negi sleepwalked into Chisame's bed. And that time, she had been awake to see him actually doing it, stumbling around until he fell on his face right next to her.

She didn't have the will to kick actually him out. Yep, she'd better save her energy for the massacre she would have to suffer through the day after. Why had she allowed Asuna to sign her in for that game? She'd even enlisted Hakase... now that had to be desperation at work. Hakase hadn't seemed to actually mind... but then again, she was Hakase Satomi. Odds were she didn't even understand the full gravity of the situation.

Then Chisame felt someone else snuggling her from behind.

"Oh, so now you have nightmares, too," she grumbled, although still keeping her voice low, as the sleeping Satomi rested her chin on her back, her scrawny arms embracing her midsection while Negi made himself comfortable against Chisame's front. "It's a huge conspiracy..."

She noticed Chamo looking at them with beady shiny eyes from his underwear drawer, and then she threatened him with a few very unladylike hand gestures. Quickly getting the clue, the ermine slammed the drawer closed, locking himself up in his own silky paradise.

The hacker sighed loudly.

At the very least, she thought while managing to fall asleep, it wasn't such a bad way to spend her final night.

"Sakurako-chan… not yet… I'm not ready…" Hakase muttered in her sleep. "Eh? You too Negi-sensei? And Chisame as well? Well, if you all really want…"

Chisame tried to smother her with the pillow.

The next day, as soon as the exits bell rang, almost all of Mahora poured itself down around the chosen court. Chisame had never seen, out of graduations and start of term ceremonies, so many students and even teachers gathered at a single place, even though it was partially because she never had been one to assist reunions.

"Sausages-in-a-bun! Get 'em while they're hot!" someone cried.

Satsuki picked up her phone. Hello, Mana…?

"Now I know how did Louis the XVI felt when they were bringing him to the guillotine," Chisame bitterly mused as she walked along Negi, Hakase, Asuna, Konoka and Ayaka to join the rest of the 2-A team.

"Oh, stop being so damn negative!" Asuna chided her. "We'll do most of the job. All you really must do is avoiding being hit; we'll take care of everything else."

"Why is Sensei on the team as well?" Hakase asked.

Konoka shrugged. "Kafuka-sempai insisted on allowing us to have 22 players against their 11, even when her whole class opposed her. She said it was to give us something to counter their experience edge. Somehow, she ended up imposing her will even upon Kitsu-sempai's..."

"Heh, that girl is an idiot," Asuna snickered. "There's no way we can lose with that much of an advantage in numbers. We have this in the bag!"

"Anyway, to complete the 22, we needed to include Negi-kun, since several of the girls didn't want to play..." Konoka finished.

Sitting at the nearby sidelines, Kaede looked at Setsuna, as the Narutaki twins ate cotton candy at her other side. "Don't you think maybe we should have helped them...?"

The swordsgirl sagely shook her head. "Our special talents must not be wasted on such frivolities. And it'd be a dishonor to the weaker students if we abused them," she coolly looked at the 2-F roster.

"And besides," Mana observed, "From here, you can get a much better view of Konoka's ass..."

Setsuna's right eyebrow twitched just a bit. "That is not... relevant to the topic at hand."

Shiho clutched on to Mana's sleeve, looking up at her with adoring eyes. "Onee-sama, are you sure you don't wish to help your classmates at all...?"

"Iincho refused to meet my price," Tatsumiya coldly replied.

Sitting at the other side of Shiho, Tate Yuuichi choked on his can of Pepsi. " **Yukihiro Ayaka** couldn't meet your price?-!"

Mana looked at him dismissively. "How much do you think it would take for ME to stand THERE, exposing myself to everyone LIKE THAT?"

The older boy cringed, getting the idea. "... Not even Lex Luthor could pay that."

"No. No, he couldn't," Mana agreed.

Sitting on a very tall arbiter's chair overlooking the whole court, all clad in white with an eyeshade visor on, Suzushiro Haruka fanned herself. The loyal Yukino sat on a much lower chair at her left, receiving and sending messages via cellphone and laptop without pause.

"Jinnai-sempai says he's sold twice as many expected tickets, Haruka-chan," she informed. "He sounds rather excited about it, actually..."

That horrible laughter of his was still ringing in her ears.

"We all should be!" Haruka smiled proudly. "This is one of my best ideas ever! With this, we'll be able to fund so many initiatives for the wellbeing of the student body, I'll be elected President of the Student Council for the next term, no doubt! That'll teach that irresponsible, _Bubuzuke_ Shizuru she shouldn't slack so much and leave all the weight of her duties on me!"

"You'll be carrying even more weight then, Haruka-chan," Yukino stated at that.

"I don't care!" the blonde said. "I love my job! I love responsibilities! It's just it unnerves me how _Bubuzuke_ takes advantage of that to bask on her glory without doing anything herself!" She fumed, then casually asked, "By the way, Yukino, remind me... what does _Bubuzuke_ mean, again?"

"Rice served with tea. You had really forgotten it...?"

"HO HO HO HO!" Haruka laughed. "That term is perfect for that poor hedonist woman!"

Meanwhile, three 13 year-old female students had taken their places at the commentary box. One of them, an impossibly cute blonde with huge bubbly blue eyes, her hair made up in twin tails, adjusted her microphone before greeting the public with her best cheerful voice, "Good afternoon, Mahora! Welcome to this very special exhibition dodgeball match between two of the most... uhhh... popular classes at our Academy! I'm Goutokuji Miyako, and I'll be one of your three guest commentators today!"

A rain of cheers and applauses fell all over her, and Miyako giggled cutely before the girl sitting at her side, an athletic tomboy with green eyes and short black hair, passed a hand over her own face and reluctantly talked into her microphone, "Yeah, well, I'm, um, Matsubara Kaoru, and I guess I'll be narrating today too, although I feel so horribly outta place here. But I like sports and I lost a bet, so here I am, and what can I do about it now?"

"WE LOVE YOU, KAORU-SAMA!" a whole club of her fangirls yelled from a disturbingly huge chunk of the audience.

"Wow, Kaoru-san, you really are popu-" Miyako began.

The tomboy silenced her with a gesture. "You'd better stop right there, Sis."

The final member of the trio, a redhead with long hair and a big red bow on top of it, took her chance to announce with gigantic enthusiasm, "And I'm Akatsutsumi Momoko! I'll tell you all, play by play, everything there's to be known about this match between Class 2-A, guided by the all too cute for words Negi-sensei, and Class 2-F, led by the coldly handsome and ohhh-so-bishie Itoshiki-sensei! Isn't that just _wonderful_?"

She stopped there, hoping to get as much applause as her partners, but only a deadly indifferent silence met her words.

Momoko froze as she clearly could hear two crickets and a bull frog on the background.

Finally, she buried her face between her hands. "Why can't I be popular like you guys...?"

"You're a dork," Kaoru curtly summed up.

"I'm sure you'll get your moment, Momoko-san..." Miyako sympathetically patted her back. She held up a small plastic hoop on a stick and a bottle of liquid. "Wanna play with my bubbles?"

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

Itoshiki sat at a summer table (never mind the fact it was still technically winter, even if a rather benign and warm one) under a large umbrella along with the President of the (Absurdly Powerful, of course) Student Council, holding a half empty (it never was half full with him) lemonade glass in a hand.

"Fujino-san?" he distantly asked.

"Yes, Sensei?" the student asked, with her good natured thick Kyoto accent and one of her perpetual relaxed smiles.

"My head is aching. Would you mind if I pulled some of my pills out?"

"Sensei, you aren't going to attempt poisoning again, are you?" she asked him.

"What gave you that idea?"

Fujino Shizuru calmed poured herself a cup of tea. "Well, other than the fact it's... you, people normally doesn't ask for others' permission before taking a pill against headache. And your pill case has a big skull and crossbones on it."

He slumped his head down. "I'd have been rude, to drop dead before you without getting some kind of permission beforehand."

"Denied," the girl flatly said.

Nozomu sighed and leaned back on his chair. "If they win, they'll be boasting for weeks. If they lose, they'll be angry for weeks... There are no happy alternative!"

"How about a draw?" Shizuru asked.

"Half the class will be boasting, the other half will be angry, and they all will fight for weeks. It's the worst thing that could happen to me, so naturally, it will happen," he hid his face between his bony hands.

Kuga Natsuki pushed her way past Mana, Shiho and Tate on her straight (or not) path to Shizuru's side. "Let me pass, Slave-kun," she coldly asked the boy, all but stepping over him.

"Go bite a raw cable, Kuga," the boy muttered, although still giving her free way. "You can't call me that just because I'm an assistant for the Student Council..."

"You're not even their glorified slave," the fair skinned, black haired young woman walked past them, not looking back.

Shiho stuck her tongue out to her. "Frigid bitch!"

"I heard that," Natsuki said, her right hand tightening just a bit into a fist, but still not looking back.

"I hoped so," the small redhead huffed.

Sighing in exasperation, Natsuki sat down next to Fujino. The president offered her a cup of tea. "Been busy lately?"

"Like always," the younger student quietly accepted the cup. "Despair-sensei? Shouldn't you be closer to your students?"

"I assume you attempt to jest," Itoshiki crossed his arms.

"Me? Perish the thought," Natsuki began sipping her tea.

Back to the 2-A benches, Satsuki had installed a mini-food stand, and naturally, hungry students swarmed all around her, although always keeping a respectful distance. Chachamaru stood near, launching a few fireworks from her back and high up into the sky. Sitting at her right, Evangeline covered her sensible ears, muttering, "There must be one million better ways to spend an afternoon... like going to the dentist… Wait, I really _do_ need to go to the dentist! Damn! Chachamaru! Remind me!"

"Yes, master."

Even Ayaka's maids had come to witness the game, setting a mini-picnic near the court. They all looked relaxed enough, except for Roberta, who remained silent and mostly motionless, but kept on polishing a knife over and over in a rather disturbing and slightly masturbatory fashion while her cold dead eyes were fixed on the 2-F roster.

Finally, both sides took their positions at their respective ends of the court. Yukino shyly stepped between Team Captain Kagurazaka and Team Captain Kistu, holding the ball between her hands. "Now, before we start, I must ask you... Are you perfectly aware of, and content with, Haruka-chan, I mean, Vice President Suzushiro, being the arbiter for this game, and obeying all her rulings on its outcome?"

Asuna gave Haruka a worried look. "Her? Does that eccentric know the first thing about dodgeball?"

"How rude!" Haruka shouted. "I'll let you know I memorized the entire manual on the sport at age seven!"

"Have you re-read it ever since?" Chiri doubted.

"HO HO HO HO!" Haruka half-covered her mouth with a hand. "What need do I have for it? I have a perfect photographic memory! Now stop questioning our honesty and kickstart that ball, Kunemitsu-san!"

"M-My name is Kitsu!" Chiri yelled at her.

Negi's spirits sunk down again. It was going to be a very long afternoon.

* * *

 

**Act Eight:**

Komori Kiri and Aisaka Sayo sat before the large windows of High School Classroom 2-F, a large plate with cookies and a thermos full with juice between them. Kiri normally disliked even looking outside, but the occasion was special enough to move her to actually try it, even if the sun hurt her eyes, forcing her to hold a hand over them to make it somewhat more bearable.

"Why can't our classmates be friendlier to each other?" Sayo exhaled sadly.

"Yes," the shut-in quietly nodded. "You're right, they seem to have an unnecessary competitive streak against each other. Thank God we know better, Sayo-chan."

"Yeah!" the ghost smiled brightly. "Maybe this game will bring them closer, though!"

"I hope so," Kiri commented. "I have the feeling many of them will be forced to co exist for a few weeks at the hospital after this is over."

"You're scary at times, Kiri-chan," Sayo giggled, then sighed dreamily. "Ahhh! Negi-sensei looks so dashing in those sport shorts!"

"Negi-sensei is boyishly cute, but he can't compare to Itoshiki-sensei, though," Komori's gaze wandered over to the lanky adult sitting with Shizuru and Natsuki. "Ah, he is so mature when he isn't throwing a childish tantrum over the unfairness of life... So tall and delicate, yet driven and manly... And that voice..."

Sayo pouted. "Negi-sensei still is much more handsome."

Kiri pouted back. "He can't even shave yet."

"Shaving? Shaving is icky. And overrated."

"No, it's masculine. And sexy."

"Are... are you saying Negi-sensei isn't masculine?"

"Well, he still has a girl's voice..."

They both suddenly stared daggers at each other, before turning around in their separate directions with twin indignant huffs.

Down below, as the game was about to start, the silver haired leader of Ayaka's maids was instructing three young girls in cheerleading outfits as they took their places next to the court.

"Very well now, girls," the tall busty woman clapped her hands softly, smiling sweetly at them. "In the forced absence of 2-A's cheerleading squad, Ojou-sama has seen fit to trust your experience to guide their spirits to victory. Don't strain yourselves beyond your limits; we understand you are still very young, and it's a very hot day. However, please keep in mind, your payment will ultimately depend on the result your cheers will have on the final score 2-A gets."

The little girl with short light brown hair at the middle of the trio blinked at her. "We're going to get paid, Fubuki-san?"

The girl with darker brown hair and glasses next to her looked at the third cheerleader. "Chiharu-chan, you never mentioned we'd get paid!"

The questioned girl laughed uncomfortably. "Ah, ha ha ha! Sorry, Naoko! I wanted it to be a surprise to you!"

Naoko narrowed her eyes. "When were you going to tell us about it?"

Chiharu opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it.

"You're trying to think of a good enough excuse, aren't you?" the first cheerleader asked her.

Chiharu laughed again. "Only the best excuses for my best friends...!"

Meanwhile, a girl with long silky black hair and very pale doll-like skin filmed every angle of the cheerleader with light brown hair with a hideously expensive portable camera, sighing lovingly as she did so. "You look so cute in that outfit, Sakura-chan...! But it needs a few more ribbons, and maybe a shorter skirt... and the cleavage should be a few couple inches lower... and..."

Roberta looked over at Taeko, Siesta and Fabiola. "I still think we should have acted as their cheerleading squad..."

"Absolutely not!" Fubuki-san called out sternly. "Remember what happened at the sled race last year!-? Our lawyers still are sorting it out!"

* * *

 

**Act Nine:**

As a single woman, all 22 2-A students on the court took their positions right before Haruka blew on the starting whistle. Negi took his assigned place as well, swallowing and focusing his mind and soul, clearing all doubts away. Having fear would never solve anything. He had to walk away from his past, to embrace a brighter future where his father, no doubt, would be waiting for him, standing tall and proud of him.

Just as he was proud of his students. They all were there, supporting each other to some degree or another. Like sisters, together despite their vast differences, making his heart to beat so fast, filling him with an odd wonderful joy he never had felt before...

Yeah, it was just pride. For real. The contentment of a good teacher over his pupils' courage. The fact they were all beautiful girls in tight shorts had nothing to do with it.

 _Honest_. It's _Negi_ we're talking about here. He has less libido than Takamachi Nanoha, for crying out loud!

Still, they were his girls. No matter what, he would stand by them. He would pass the Principal's challenge and continue teaching them. He'd do anything for them, and he was pretty sure they all, in turn, even Evangeline, would do anything for him if needed. That had to be the strong emotional link between master and disciple the Merdiana Dean always told him about. And it felt simply excellent.

Ahhhhh, it made him so happy...

Then Chiri shouted, "First one to go!" and the ball hit him straight in the face, knocking his glasses out and bouncing away, only to be quickly intercepted in mid-air by Asuna.

"I got it!" the redhead shouted, then angrily barked at him, "Don't daydream, Onion-head! You're still in, but I won't save your butt a second time!"

"Guuuuuu..." his voice gurgled, as he wobbled in place with his eyes made into spirals.

"Hey, you okay?" Chisame asked him.

"I still can fight, General..." he muttered, his head jerking aside for no good reason. "Just give me a horse and a new blade! For King Arthur and Camelot!"

"How many fingers am I holding here?" Yuuna held four fingers before his face.

"Six!" he said.

Yuuna gave him a thumbs up. "Close enough! You're still good to go!"

Chisame wondered what had she done in a past life to deserve being there. She ignored the visions of a Xebec anime flashing before her eyes.

Asuna huffed. Insane as she was, Kitsu really knew what she was doing! Merciless and to the point, hitting at the weakest link of the chain first. Well, she knew how to play that game, too!

She hit the ball hard, sending it zooming through the air towards the smallest member of Class 2-F. The petite girl with her black hair made into two big thick pigtails. Otonashi Meru readied herself bravely to stop the strike, her dark eyes sparkling with determination...

Until the cellphone hanging from her waist rang. Without even wasting a single second, she picked it up in the spot... and instantly got a ball on the face for her trouble.

"Alright!" Sakurako cried gleefully as the ball dropped down to the court's floor. "I had bet on one of them being the first to fall!"

Negi recovered part of his senses. "Betting on sports is illegal at this Academy!"

Chiri walked over to Meru, who, even on her hands and knees, had her mind only on her cellphone, desperately looking at it. "Otonashi-san..." the taller girl growled threateningly, but then Meru simply looked up at her with adorable tearful eyes, showing her the phone. "You got a wrong number? YOU GOT YOURSELF ELIMINATED BECAUSE OF A SIMPLE DAMNED WRONG NUMBER?-!"

At her food stand, Satsuki closed her own cellphone with a perfectly innocent, just slightly distressed, expression on her soft rounded features.

"Oops," she slowly said. "I only intended to call for more bowls. How did I end up dialing Otonashi-sempai's number?" she wondered.

Fuuka and Fumika stared at her.

"Satsuki-chan, since everyone at this Academy is your client, you got almost all our numbers, don't you?" Fuuka asked.

"What were the odds of dialing exactly her number right now?" Fumika added. "By accident?"

Satsuki merely looked innocent. "I must have been a freak million to one chance."

They both grinned at her and chorused, "You're awesome, Satsuki-chan!"

"My, my, I have no idea what do you mean by that..." the chef politely denied. But in truth, you couldn't be Chao Lingshen's roommate for so long without picking a few tricks up along the way.

* * *

 

**Act Ten:**

"Well done, Asuna!" Yuuna high-fived Baka Red. "I knew we could count on you!"

"Ha ha, well, we aren't out of the woods yet..." Kagurazaka reminded her, although still basking on her glory.

"Just remember, don't lose your nerve!" Ayaka instructed. "These brutes are all pure mouth and reputation! Keep your wits on and we'll win for sure!"

"Ahhh, it's so moving to see such a confident and well-knit team!" Kafuka openly smiled, skipping a few steps ahead playfully, with the ball in her hands. She sounded honestly happy about it too, with no hints of malice or irony in her voice. Then she slightly stumbled and the ball went shot high up and ahead, out of her hands. "Ooops!"

The ball made a perfect arcing trajectory way above the heads of the 2-A students, then fell down zooming towards the back, where most of the weakest, less athletic players were.

"Ahhhh, it's gonna hit me!" Natsumi cried.

"Asuna, catch it for me!" Madoka tried to backpedal, only to tumble into Chizuru's buxom body. The ball hit her squarely on the head, then bounced into Naba's breasts, and from them it sprang straight into Natsumi's face.

"What a play!" Momoko called out. "Kafuka-sempai has put three rivals out of commission with a single serve, and she wasn't even trying!"

"Always knew there was a lot of bad things involved with being a cow..." Kaoru snorted while leaning ahead in boredom, resting her face on her hands. "They'd only have lost two players if not for those ridiculous airbags..."

"Why didn't you guys **DOOOOODGE**?-!" Ayaka angrily screamed at the three casualties. "Or, you know, try to HIT THE BALL BACK?-!"

"It went too fast for me to catch! It might have broken my hands!" Natsumi protested.

"I tried to dodge, but Chizuru was on the way!" Madoka claimed.

"I couldn't move anywhere! Chisame-san was in my way!" Chizuru said.

"I tried to give you room to move, but Asakura blocked my way!" Hasegawa said in turn.

"We're too crowded here! None of us can move freely anywhere!" Kazumi realized.

Evangeline crossed her legs and lazily glanced at Kafuka, who was laughing dumbly as her classmates congratulated her. "That girl... she was the one to suggest 2-A should play with the double of players than usual, wasn't she?"

"Indeed, she was," Chachamaru replied. "Why?"

Eva chuckled evilly. "Those fools were so tempted with an apparent free edge they forgot to look below the surface. That girl knew perfectly what she was doing, and tricked them easily. Innocent as she may seem, I can feel she has the darkest heart of all of Despair's students."

"Her, Master?"

"You still have much to learn, Chachamaru," the immortal spoke calmly.

A few steps away, Tate grumbled, "I already have counted like three major irregularities in this game, and we're only five minutes into it."

"Yeah, I though hitting on the face wasn't allowed, for starters, " Shiho nodded, now clinging to him while looking at the court with disapproval.

Mana leaned back indifferently. "It'll help them all to forge character."

"You're awfully aloof about your classmates' luck," Tate told her. "Not playing is one thing, but you could at least try to cheer for them."

The mercenary closed her eyes. "I wasn't paid enough for that either."

"A pity," Shiho sighed, "The cheerleading outfit would've looked so nice on you..."

There was a brief silence, then she clung harder to Tate. "Onii-chan! Time to reaffirm my heterosexuality!"

He groaned and shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, I know that's pretty much my whole role in this life..."

* * *

 

**Act Eleven:**

The ball had just returned to 2-F's side, after a failed attempt by Yuuna to hit Chiri. The order maniac, in turn, had just handed it over to Harumi, who briefly grinned while setting her sights on a very specific target.

"Paru-chan!" she called out.

Haruna instinctively assumed a defense position. "... What?"

"Show me that old spark you used to have," the older Yaoi fangirl asked. "The one you had when we met, before you grew lazy and comfortable. That spirit you had when you were a novice fresh off your old man's dojo!"

Haruna grimaced. "Fujiyoshi-sempai, I don't want to be that person anymore."

The older girl exhaled. "Paru-chan. I appreciate you as a friend and follower. I really do. However! The fire, the passion of creation has died along with your old fighting spirit! You slack off on your deadlines! You bask on the basest feelings of your heart, and have forgotten both the true path of the mangaka and that of the athlete! Today, I intend for you to remember that, one way or another!"

"Haruna? An athlete?" Ku Fei asked.

"You've gotta be kidding," Makie pouted. "The most athlete she has on her would be athlete's foot…"

Yue and Nodoka just flinched uncomfortably while turning their eyes towards the third librarian, waiting for her reaction. Haruna just stood in place with an annoyed, antsy expression, and was totally wordless for once.

Yukino looked up at Haruka. "Haruka-chan, hasn't Fujiyoshi-san been holding that ball for far too long now...?"

But Haruka was just ignoring her, sniffing proud manly (for a female) tears of hot blooded enthusiasm. "It's beautiful...! A friend trying to rekindle her old comrade's battle soul, pitted in tense combat against each other! Just like an old school sports anime!"

Yukino sighed very sadly and sank her head down. "Okay, so we'll let it slip..."

Harumi slowly lifted the ball high. "It would seem you need..."

She carefully, with the grace of a majestic warrior of the ball court, allowed her calm and focused eyes to wander towards Nodoka. The shy girl instantly jerked back and let out a short shriek, as Yue gasped, and her targeter completed her sentence in an almost casual way,

"... something to spur your old self back into being."

And then the sphere flew straight for the smaller girl, whose feet suddenly seemed rooted to the ground, scared out of her wits.

"Asuna!" Ako screamed. "Save her!"

Asuna bolted for her, trying her best to get to her in time, but she knew she wouldn't make it to the other side of their court in such few instants. However, before the ball cut impact on Nodoka, there was a shout coming from her left, and an arm jerked aside to block the incoming projectile.

"SAOTOME SHIELDING TECHNIQUE!"

Yue swallowed and Nodoka breathed in and out deeply as Haruna panted, keeping the ball firmly between her hands. "Damn, but I'm rusty... Nodo-chan, you okay?"

"Ahh... Ah-hah..." Nodoka nodded erratically.

"Alright," Haruna took aim. "I'm getting serious, Fujiyoshi-sempai! You want to mess with my friends? Then I don't mind if I pay you in the same coin! And don't forget this all is the fault of..."

She abruptly pointed at another one of the adversaries, "... You! Kaga Ai!"

"M-Me?-!" the guilt complex student sweated profusely. "Oh dear! You're right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! So sorry! I knew I should have avoided this!" she started to bow in apology, her mania taking over. "I haven't done anything for my team, either! I have—"

Then Haruna just tossed the ball at her. "SAOTOME GUILT EXPLOITING SUCKER SPIKE!"

It hit Ai in the chest, knocking the wind out of her.

"She's out!" Miyako declared. "In a new shocking development, Saotome-sempai has just found a hidden strange strength inside of herself!"

Harumi smirked knowingly. "Yes, yes, that's it. Much better!" she challenged. "Now that's the Paru-chan I want to see!"

Ai rolled on the floor, whimpering. "I'm sorry... I should've known this would happen..."

Chiri icily looked down at her. "If you were going to be dead weight anyway, getting yourself eliminated is the best thing you could do."

Haruna huffed, assuming a new, more determined stance. "Nodoka, Yue, behind me! I'll protect you to the end!"

"Are you sure, Haruna?" Yue dubiously asked. "There's a good reason why you—"

Paru nodded. "I'll be okay. When haven't I? C'mon, just trust me for this once!"

"Now and always, Haruna..." Nodoka proudly answered.

Misora glanced at Ku Fei. "Hey, you room with her. You got any idea what she's doing now?"

Baka Yellow turned her face to the sister in training, showing her eyes had become solid black circles. "... Aru?" Then she blinked back to normal. "To be honest, I think I recognize that stance, but... It couldn't be... No, there's no way she could have learned it..."

Kaoru tapped on her microphone with restless fingers. "What's with all this talking and exposition in the middle of a freakin' game? What's coming next, they'll power up and have a five minutes long transformation sequence for each?"

"Kaoru-san!" Miyako squealed.

"That'd be SO AWESOME!" Momoko completed.

The tomboyish commentator ran her short fingernails all over the mike. "God, give me strength..."

* * *

 

**Act Twelve:**

_Five Years Ago_

Haruna had sat down at the small river's edge after stomping away from her new room, huffing and puffing to herself. She took her shoes off and cooled her feet in the slow running water, mumbling under her breath and crossing her arms over her knees.

She always had been a happy child, until recently.

She pushed the large thick glasses up her nose bridge, finding them bothersome and too heavy for her liking.

The thick eye-browed girl looked into the distance for a long while, unusually quiet and contemplative, until she saw another girl, around two years older than her, sitting several feet away from her, silently sketching on a large drawing pad, her fingers skillfully tracing line after line with nervous, yet elegant vivacity.

That other girl was very pretty, and Haruna thought, unlike her, she looked good with her glasses on, but then again, they were much smaller glasses.

Even then, Haruna was never one to respect anyone's personal space, so she quickly walked over to her, peeking over her shoulders. "Hey, hey. Whatcha doing there?"

Unlike everyone else she ever bothered, the older girl didn't react by trying to hide what she was doing or shooing Haruna away. She only continued what she was doing, answering with an even, indifferent tone, "I'm drawing Yaoi."

"What's Yaoi?" Haruna asked the words that would change her life forever. "Those two boys are really cute..."

"Thank you," the taller girl calmly said.

"... but why are they kissing?"

The strange artist girl stopped her work and smiled up at her. "Doesn't this disgust you?"

"Why? They're very pretty."

"Yeah," the artist tapped with her pen on her sheet thoughtfully. "But everyone tells me I'm too young for this."

"You draw very well. I like drawing, too, but Mom and Dad say it's a waste of my time..."

"Drawing is never a waste of time!" the 11-years old huffed indignantly. "Someday, I'll be a very famous mangaka, and I'll be rich and everyone will admire me!"

"Can I be your assistant?" Haruna's eyes sparkled.

The older girl huffed in her face. "No. I don't even know you."

"My name's Haruna!" she introduced herself, then remembered what her dad always told her and posed dramatically. "Saotome Haruna!"

The stranger made an unappreciative face, but the enthusiasm painted on the little girl's expression finally won her over. "I'm Fujiyoshi Harumi."

"Glad to meet you, Harumi-chan!" she smiled very widely. Then she sat down at her side. "So, can I help you?"

Harumi grumbled in mild annoyance before ripping a page out and handing it over to her along with another pencil. "First, show me what can you do."

"Okay!" she put hands to work, and in less than two minutes flat, she was showing the results to her newfound friend. "So, how's this?"

Harumi scowled. "You need to improve a lot."

Then, looking at the disappointed visage of the smaller child, she hastily added, "It'll take me a lot of time to teach you."

Haruna's eyes lit up again. "You'll really teach me?"

"Ehh, you recognized my genius, so you must have some talent of your own..."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" she hugged her. "You're the coolest!"

"You hardly know me!" she pushed her aside. "So, you really sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah. Mom only wants me to grow up to marry a rich man, and Dad only wants me to grow up to marry a strong fighter to inherit the Dojo..."

A fine eyebrow, so unlike her big ones, was arched up. "Your Dad owns a Dojo? That's interesting. Maybe we could use it for reference."

"Reference for what?"

"Silly, don't you see it? Martial arts manga are all the rage nowadays, and Dojos are always full with muscled handsome boys!"

"Dad's Dojo is almost always empty. That's why Mom wants me to marry into money."

"Aren't you too young for that?"

She shrugged. "They say they were engaged when they only were children."

"That's barbaric," Harumi grimaced. "Wait, if they're so down on their luck, how could they send you here?"

Haruna smirked again, deviously. "Mom has a lot of ways to get her will done."

"Huh."

Haruna had started to lazily sketch as well. "I don't know if I ever will marry."

"Why?" Harumi joked. "Don't like boys?"

"Boys...?" the other child paused, pondering it with a small goofy grin. "Yes, I think I do. But I also like girls."

"What?" Harumi blinked several quick times.

The younger girl giggled. "Daddy doesn't like that! But he's kinda dumb, so he thought they could cure me at an all girls school!"

Harumi stared in confusion for a few moments, but then laughed it out. "He's not very smart, is he! That's like making someone hate chocolate by giving them as much chocolate as they want! You're really a case, Haruna-chan!"

They said some wicked genius was needed to become a successful mangaka.

And she was starting to think that kid had at least the wicked part all done up.

* * *

 

**Act Thirteen:**

_Back in the present…_

A perfect throw from Kimura Kaere had just sent Misa out of the game.

"Wow! A perfect throw from Kimura Kaere-sempai has just left Kakizaki Misa-sempai out of the game!" Momoko expositioned into her microphone, growing fonder and fonder of her new role. "2-F starts to apply some major pressure on 2-A! Looks like the gloves are finally coming off!"

Ayaka caught the ball and tossed it back to the enemy field. "It'll take more than this to defeat us!"

However, her toss was easily intercepted by a sempai with very short black hair and deeply disturbing, evil looking dark eyes.

"Mitama Mayo-sempai has taken hold of the ball!" Miyako cried out. "The enigmatic Mayo-sempai rarely speaks with anyone! Some say there's an evil presence about her! Others say no one who looks THAT mean can be really mean! Either way, there's no way to know what she could do next!"

"Amateur," Zazie quietly muttered from where she sat feeding the birds. _Everything is going according to plan…_

Itoshiki scratched his head uncomfortably. "The fact my class is comprised of monsters doesn't give them the right to label them as such!"

Mayo elegantly volleyed the ball up, then made a direct bulls-eye for Kazumi as the other girl attempted to avoid it; as the reporter did so, she stumbled into Yuuna, making the ball to hit her as well.

"Are we players or domino pieces now?" Asuna complained. "Damn it, guys!"

"We're still too overcrowded!" Makie whined.

"Yeah, well, at this rate, we won't be very soon," Chisame grumbled. "Any new bright ideas, Team Captain?"

"I'm thinking!-!-!" Asuna and Ayaka said at the same time, then stared at each other.

"I'm the Captain!" Ayaka stated.

"Says who?-!" Asuna objected. "I'm far better at sports than you!"

"Leadership requires far more than brute strength! We need a thinker and planner, someone who can keep a keen eye on the game!"

"The only things you have kept your eyes on are the brat's legs!"

"LEAVE NEGI-SENSEI'S SEXY LEGS OUT OF THIS!"

In the meanTIME, Ku Fei simply grabbed the ball and rather crassly spiked it into the figure of one Oora Kanako.

"Kanako-chan!" Nami cried, in a perfectly normal reaction.

"Ahhh, it's okay, I don't mind..." the always contented girl with an orange bow on her hair spoke calmly, in a slightly spaced out, satisfied voice. "What matters is I had fun while it lasted..."

"She's insane," Chiri gruffed.

"Most definitely," Matoi nodded in agreement.

Somewhere above, crows flew by crying "Aho! Aho!"

The always energetic Maria picked the ball up and ran across the court with it like a frantic little monkey, her always bare sweaty feet slapping noisily against the ground, until she jumped up high and threw aiming for Negi. "¡La Clavada de la Muerte de Maria!"

Negi took it straight in the noggin again, making him to stumble around just as Akira picked the ball right in time to avoid him getting disqualified.

"Damn, Sensei, not again!" Chisame complained. "You're going to get lasting brain damage!"

"Anya, sorry, I didn't know you were showering..." he gurgled. "I swear I barely saw anything... No, that doesn't mean you have nothing of a figure at all... No, Anya, put that candlestick down now, please... Ooh, pretty colors…"

* * *

 

**Act Fourteen:**

_Four Years Ago_

"What do you mean by that? Are you going to leave us?" Harumi's always pleasant and self-confident voice was betrayed by a sudden pinch of uneasiness.

Haruna was quick to wave her hands around, shaking her head. "Oh, no, no! Of course I won't! The fact I'm going to join the Library Exploration Club doesn't mean I'll abandon our Nakama! I'll only have to take a few hours off each week..."

"You're already behind on your deadlines as it is," Harumi lectured her. "You're a very fast learner, but that's worth nothing if you don't put enough effort into what you're doing!"

"Ah ha ha, yeah, sorry..." Haruna laughed goofily, scratching the back of her neck. "Say, I haven't introduced you to my new friends yet, have I?" She called out for the two tiny girls waiting at the room's door, each one seemingly trying to hide behind the other. "Hey, Yuecchi! Nodo-chan! This is Harumi-chan, the Club's Vice-president!"

"H-H-H-Hello!" Nodoka stammered very nervously.

Yue simply bowed her head a few millimeters, never stopping sipping from her pomegranate juice box.

Harumi shot an annoyed gaze towards them, as the other two younger girls behind *her* perked up in curiosity. "Yeah, yeah, pleased to meet you too. Paru, we need you here giving us your best! We just recruited Hiyori-chan and Patty-chan here, and I can't teach them all the ropes while handling everything else I've been up to as well!"

"Relax, Sempai!" Haruna had flashed that annoying, yet oh so beautiful smile she always used when she wanted a rise out of her. "The Club President said it'd be okay! I can multi-task! I promise I'll put more effort into it to compensate! I'll help with the newbies, too!"

"You already consulted with Amano-sempai?" Harumi groaned, deflating a bit. "Why didn't you ask me first? I'm your immediate superior! You can't jump over ranks just like that!"

"Sorry..." Saotome dragged a foot along. "It's just I really wanted to do that, too. I also love books without pictures, you know..."

Harumi breathed out and turned around on her chair. "If the Club President has given you her blessing, nothing I can do about it, right? Go and enjoy yourself."

"You don't have to get angry over it..." Haruna said.

"I'm not angry."

"You sound like it."

"Why should I be?"

"You really sure about it?"

"Totally."

"Okay, then."

"Yeah, okay."

Haruna began walking towards the door. "Let's go then, Yuecchi, Nodo-chan! Konoka will be glad to hear this! And good afternoon for you all, guys!"

"Bye bye!" the brown haired, bespectacled Hiyori waved away at them.

"Have very good after-noon!" the blond, tall and short haired Patricia added in her still very broken Japanese.

Harumi huffed and turned back to her drawing board after the door was closed from the outside. "Slacker."

Hiyori giggled.

"What's so funny?" Fujiyoshi coldly asked her.

"Lover spats always very cute!" Patty joined the giggling.

Harumi reached over for a ruler and hit the foreigner over the head with it. "That's it, smartass. Just for that, I'll charge you with three more pages for this Wednesday."

"What? That no fair!" Patricia protested.

"One more protest, and I'll task you with drawing the adaptation of that Shadow Crystal Mage fanfic!" her sempai threatened.

"... I'll shut up and get to work!" Patty offered with a terrified gulp.

Hiyori coughed. "Um, which one?"

Glare.

"Just asking… sheesh…"

* * *

 

**Act Fifteen:**

Chao Lingshen actually felt like yawning.

She had been here, played this stupid game dozens of times now.

The opposing team changed sometimes, although it usually was the Black Lillies. But it had ranged from Ohtori Academy's dodgeball club to Class 2-E to everything in between. Hell, they once had played against a visiting team of Xavier Academy's best. Now that had been a hard game. Almost as bad as the time they had a match wit the H.I.V.E. Academy.

Now, however, she felt mostly bored. It was like going through the motions of a joke played several times, over and over. Not even a particularly funny joke. The only thing keeping her from cutting loose and owning the whole other team by herself was her need to hide her true abilities, but it was tempting, to just finish the farce then and there.

She half-heartedly blocked a throw sent her way, then absently tossed it back at 2-F's side, managing to hit Hitou Nami despite her lack of trying. Naturally, it was normal for someone with that much skill to succeed that easily.

Boring, boring, boring.

Matoi picked the ball next and apparently had revenge in her mind, since she immediately aimed and tossed at Chao's weakest point.

Hakase.

As the ball zoomed through the air towards her with a soft whooshing sound, Satomi couldn't help but briefly marvel at the aerodynamic properties and high speed achieved by such a vulgar, seemingly obtuse object. Maybe she should try making a ball shaped robot next, if she managed to survive the impact. Her mind quickly began to run through calculations of the damage to her cranial structure the projectile would cause, based on its current trajectory and apparent speed. She was so absorbed by such fascinating calculations she couldn't notice her classmates and teacher's warning cries, much less ponder something as trivial as just moving out of the way.

"SATOMI-SAN!" Negi shouted.

"DAMN IT, PROF, WAKE UP!" Makie cried.

"HAKASE!" Chao perked up from her lethargy, only to realize it was too late even for her to get there in time.

Asuna and Ayaka still were too tangled up howling at each other.

However, before the ball could hit the absent minded professor, a petite blur got in the way, taking the full brunt of the impact for her. Hakase snapped out of her daze to look, in horror, at Sakurako plummeting down at her feet, almost in dramatic slow motion.

"SAKURAKO-CHAN!"

From the benches where the killed... I mean, the eliminated sat, Misa looked at Madoka. "They're in a '-chan' basis now?"

"Sakurako always gets what she wants," Madoka said back. "If she had wanted us in her bed, I'd bet you we already would be there."

Misa flinched a bit. "No, I wouldn't!"

"You would. Sakurako's just unstoppable," the other cheerleader replied.

"I think she's been stopped just fine," Kazumi looked at the court.

"I like Sakurako a lot as a friend, but I'd never—" Misa started. "I mean, all those times you may have seen me looking at her at the baths, that had nothing to do with—"

Madoka's face betrayed some concern. "Misa, I just was joking."

Misa forced a sudden grin. "Of course I knew! Heh heh heh. And I was joking back! What gave you the impression I wasn't?"

Natsumi and Chizuru discreetly slid away from her.

"Sakurako-chan..." Hakase crouched down, cradling the fallen Shiina's upper body in her lap, tenderly pulling a stray lock of hair from her forehead as violin music began to play. "You... Y-You have just sacrificed yourself for me!"

"Don't... fell bad for me, Satomi-chan..." She coughed as flower petals began to swirl around them. "I had bet... I wouldn't last the whole... game..." Her voice faltered down.

"SAKURAKO-CHAN!" Hakase bawled out, hugging her.

The violin music began to melodramatically blare all over the area, rising to a tragic cresendo.

Then a pretty, blond girl from Class 2-C shot a stare to the expressionless boy playing the violin next to her. "Karasuma-kun, could you PLEASE stop that?"

Chiri grumbled, running a hand over her face. "Shiina-san, will you just stand up and allow the game to continue?"

Sakurako sighed and jumped back to her feet. "Spoilsport." She smiled at Hakase before leaving the court. "Do your best, Satomi-chan!"

"I will!" Hakase promised with renewed energy, then grabbed the ball, holding it tightly while her voice thundered with unusual potency and determination. "CLASS 2-F! HEED MY WORDS! YOU HAVE PLANTED THE SEEDS OF YOUR OWN DESTRUCTION! BEHOLD!" She pulled out a disturbingly large device out of her tight short bloomers, making many a soul to wonder exactly where she had been keeping it. NSFW thoughts followed. "I SHALL UTILIZE THIS ELECTRIC-MOTOR DRIVEN PHALLIC SEXUAL RECREATIONAL DEVICE TO FORCEFULLY VIOLATE IN A MANNER AKIN TO SODOMY YOUR CRANIAL SKELETAL BRAIN RECEPTACLE VIA ONE OF THE VISUAL ORGAN OPENINGS!"

Chisame was having a hard time covering Negi's eyes and ears at once. "DAMN IT, HAKASE, STOP EMBARRASSING US ALL!"

Haruna chuckled at her. "Now I see why you two never leave that room...!"

Chisame would have flipped her the bird if both of her hands hadn't been busy.

"I didn't understand a word of it, but it sounded really sexy..." Sakurako dreamily sighed. "My hero…!"

"What did she just say?" a confused Miyako asked her colleagues.

"Beats me, " Momoko shrugged.

"She said, 'I'm gonna skullf#$%^*ck you'," Kaoru stoically translated.

Her two classmates looked at her in horror.

"What?" she protested. "My Dad's a wrestler, we hear that crap from drunk fans trying to grapple with him all the time!"

"Wh-Why were you carrying that thing around, Hakase?" Misora shakily asked from her hiding place behind Akira.

"Huh?" Hakase looked back at her. "Ah, it was a commission job. I brought it here because the person who asked for it to be made wanted it delivered right after the game's over. It was Suzu—"

Suzushiro Haruka quickly blew on her whistle. "P-POSSESSION OF THE BALL EXTENDED OVER THE LEGAL TIME! PLAYER HAKASE SATOMI FROM 2-A HAS JUST BEEN DISQUALIFIED!" she quickly waved a red card around.

"EHHHHH?-!" Satomi whined. "But I was—"

"OUT!" Haruka yelled.

"But, you will see, I—"

"OUT!"

"You'll want it for later, though, won't—"

"OUT! OUT OUT OUT! OUT!" Haruka furiously repeated.

Satomi sighed and marched out of the court. "Okay. I'll keep it for myself then. I mean, to redesign it into something definitely not sexual. Because I have no interest on such things. Seriously. Just ask Chisame. She won't lie to you."

"I don't even know you," Chisame hissed glacially.

As Hakase left the field however, she paused, then went over to the other team's side of the court. Ignoring the looks she was getting, she went right up to Matoi and stared at her. Then she said something soft that made the girl blanch and try to attack Hakase is apoplectic fury, barely held back by a smiling Kafuka.

"What did you say to her?" Misa asked as Hakase went to join the rest of the eliminated.

Hakase managed to look faintly smug. "That those shorts…" she said, "Made her look fat."

Jaws dropped at this near-unpardonable sin.

Sakurako swooned. "Definitely my hero…"

* * *

 

**Act Sixteen:**

The game grew more rabid and even as both sides were slowly stripped down to their overall best players. Not stripped down in any other way, sorry. Believe me, I'd be the first one to mention it and rejoice.

Asuna and Ayaka were still mostly fighting each other, competing to see who could catch the volleys first, running almost elbow to elbow. Furiously, they kept 2-F at bay almost by themselves for long, strained minutes of sweating, panting and modest bouncing (excuse us, we need to to get some cold water… okay, back now), until finally, right when they were almost pushing each other out of the way for the next service, Fujiyoshi found a suitable opening, sending a ball straight into Ayaka.

Asuna's eyes widened in horror as her hated rival hit the dust.

"IINCHOOOOOU!" Makie cried out.

"Crap, now we're really screwed!" Misora swore.

"They got the team captain!" Ku noted.

"I am the team's captain!" Asuna protested.

"Iinchou-san, are you all right?" Negi rushed to her side.

At the seats of Ayaka's maids, Fubuki immediately sprang up in alarm. "Everyone subdue Roberta before it's too late!"

Taeko and Siesta had already hugged one of Roberta's legs each and clung to them for dear life, and Fabiola had just held her in a chokehold from behind, but Fubuki still had to join the restraining efforts with all her strength just to be able to barely hold the now red-eyed, madly howling Colombian back.

"¡MALDITA HIJA DE PUTA!" she foamed out the mouth like a rabid dog, kicking and struggling all around as she attempted to reach and eviscerate Harumi. "¡TE VOY A MATAR, CUATRO OJOS! ¡TE ARRANCARE LAS TRIPAS! ¡COMO TE ATREVES A HACERLE ESO A LA SEÑORITA!"

Negi's face went fully white. It was not often he regretted being a multi-lingual expert, but that was one of those rare times.

Kaere looked at Harumi. "... You should sue her."

Manami asked Maria, "Maria-chan, what is she saying?"

The brown skinned petite girl rasped, then said in her best Roberta impression, "YOU GODDAMN WHORE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, FOUR-EYES! I'LL RIP YOUR GUTS OUT! HOW YOU DARE DO THAT TO OJOU-SAMA?"

Kaere looked at Harumi again. "... I know some excellent lawyers."

Oblivious to it all, Ayaka just swooned in Negi's arms, her voice coming out weakly. "Ohhhh... I'm sorry I failed you, my dear Negi-sensei..."

"Don't say that! You played wonderfully, Iinchou-san!" the boy told her. A chorus of humming voices rose as a light shone on them. More flower petals blew by.

She gripped his right hand. "Please do tell me you'll never forget me, Sensei..."

He shook his head, crying profusely as the angelic choir rose to a climax."Never in my life, Iincho-san!"

"I'd just wish... for a goodbye kiss before... before..."

"For the love of God, it's just a whack with a ball!" Asuna punted her back up. "Enough with this circus!"

Ayaka hissed while facing her again. "You really will kill me one of these days, Asuna-san!"

"Promises, only promises!" the redhead shot back. She pointed. "Will the choir stop practicing? It's throwing us off!"

Miffed, the choir stomped off.

* * *

 

**Act Seventeen:**

Things looked bad now. Out of all the 22 players, 2-A had lost Sakurako, Hakase, Misa, Chizuru, Kasumi, Madoka, Natsumi, Yuuna, and Ayaka. And most of the still active girls couldn't be counted as much of a support. Asuna frowned, pondering her options while Ku Fei and Harumi exchanged a furious, actually very even back and forth of volleys, each one trying to get the other out of the game.

It was then when Fuura Kafuka casually exclaimed, "Ahhhh! A fight just broke out!"

"Huh?-!" Ku's attention was instantly shot into the direction Fuura was looking at, anxiously. "Where?-!"

Then the ball hit her in the back of the head. "GAME OVER, ARUUUU!"

"Now you're just cheating!" Asuna accused. "No one's fighting anywhere!"

Kafuka just pointed at where two cats were fighting over a fence, and said in an extremely innocent, drawn out voice, "Kitties are people too..."

"Word," Chachamaru very quietly said, with a brief nod. "Amen, sister. Testify."

"Chachamaru, you are hereby forbidden from watching anymore ethnic sitcoms from the 80's until you stop talking like that," Evangeline said.

"You... You guys...!" Asuna sputtered, picking the ball with anger and tossing it to Kafuka. Without missing a beat, the eternal optimist jumped up high to intercept it; as she did, she went so high her figure contrasted up against the sun in a majestic, awe inspiring manner, enough to make everyone in the public to gasp aloud. Many a fan was born that day. Even Itoshiki had taken notice, his cheeks reddening briefly as he saw his student rising up like a golden angel to meet the sphere, hitting it with a hand and sending it back zooming towards Asuna.

The redhead tried to look at it, to be able to stop it, but the intense light of the sun above hurt her eyes long enough to confuse her.

"The sun is a powerful enemy!" Kiri observed from her watching spot at her window.

And then the ball hit Asuna.

"DAMMIT!" she yelled.

"Asuna-san!" Negi shouted.

"We lost our powerhouse!" Ako shuddered.

"Everything's lost!" Misora despaired. "I'm in despair! Losing Asuna has left me in despair!"

"Will people stop using my catchphrase!" Itoshiki cried. "You're wearing it out!"

"Asuna, you okay?" Konoka helped her roommate back to her feet.

"Of course I'm not okay!" Kagurazaka all but spat fire. "Grrrrr, those cheaters tick me off! Haruna!" she promptly called out.

"Yeah?" the mangaka asked.

"Can you still pull off more crazy unexpected moves like those you did a while ago?" Asuna questioned.

Paru fidgeted. "Well, um, yeah, but—"

"Then you're the next team captain!" Asuna commanded. "And Chao's your lieutenant! We're counting on you two to lead this team to victory!"

"What? Me?" Haruna put both hands on her own substantial chest. "I'm not ready for that responsibility! Any kind of responsibility! Ask anyone! Heck, I hadn't even played this game in more than two years!"

Harumi smirked at her. "Why, that doesn't sound at all like the daughter of Saotome Ra—"

Haruna immediately stopped her with a sharp angry stare. "Asuna. Hand me the ball."

Asuna smiled and tossed it into her hands. "Have a blast."

Haruna forced a grin and slowly fell into a new fighting stance. "Let's Get Dangerous..." she crooned.

Elsewhere, far, far away, in the depths of the Throne of Heroes, someone sneezed. "My... catchphrase..."

At some point of the crowd watching the game, a green eyed girl with her dark hair made in twin tails, wearing a highly tight red sweater and a black skirt, stiffened for some reason.

The busty girl at her side looked at her. "Something wrong, Onee-chan?"

She shook her head at her sister and groaned. "Nothing, Sakura. Nothing. I have just felt a strange minor disturbance in the Source..."

* * *

 

**Act Eighteen:**

Fujiyoshi Harumi breathed in and out, keeping her wits about her while planning a game outcome in the back of her mind. Paru's kids were better than expected. They already had gotten Ai, Meru, Kanako, and Nami. That left only herself, Kaere, Chiri, Kafuka, Mayo, Maria and Matoi still in the game. They still had a disadvantage in numbers, although...

Oh, wait. Mayo had just clonked Hasegawa in the head. Someone less to worry about.

Negi-sensei had rushed to Hasegawa's side in concern, helping her to walk out of the court, taking her by a hand nervously while she never stopped groggily muttering things like "No fair, I'm supposed to be the protagonist..." and "Ku ku ku... Negi, bring me my lipstick and the green dress... I feel like being the Forest Fairy..." and "Digi-modify!"

That spurred 2-F into a new offensive bout that Lingshen and Saotome could barely hold back, with some minor assistance from Ookuchi. The rest of them were nothing, and they all knew it. Harumi smirked to herself. It was great seeing Paru-chan actually trying at something again.

Harumi hadn't felt actually excited about playing a game in years...

Then the Dean's granddaughter fell to a well-placed volley from Chiri-chan. Maybe Chiri-chan went too far with the throw's potency, to be fair, but that was her nature, after all. Still, it certainly wouldn't make them popular with the public at all; Konoka had a lot of admirers. Harumi tried to block out the boos and hisses from the crowd, and Itoshiki's groans as some enraged onlookers tossed Coke cans at his head. None of that mattered. They had always been outcast freaks, after all. At least they weren't likely to get sunk as low as that Suzumiya weirdo…

Sakurazaki's intervention still took her by surprise, though. The thin short girl stood up violently as Asuna helped her roommate back to her feet, and her eyes burned with a new choleric fire. She jerked her head aside and shouted, "REFEREE!"

"... Yes?" Suzushiro-sempai lazily lifted her head from the budget for the next school term she had been checking for the last few minutes.

"As a member of Class 2-A, I demand to be allowed to replace a fellow team member who is clearly unable to continue playing!" Setsuna shouted.

"Pleaseletitbeme, pleaseplease..." Misora prayed, her teeth clattering.

"Who?" Haruka snorted.

Much to Misora's panic, Setsuna pointed at Ako instead. "I mean her! She's obviously feeling ill and can't go on like that!"

"What?" Ako poked a finger at her own chest. "Me? Um, no, actually, I'm feeling just—"

Setsuna stared into her eyes, almost drilling into them. "No. You actually feel _very_ ill, don't you...?" she said, with a polite but extremely tense tone.

"Well, err, it's not like I'm such a... a..." Izumi stammered helplessly.

" _Don't you_...?" Setsuna's stare grew harder.

The other girl gulped meekly. "I do now...!"

Haruka sighed and nodded. "Okay, fine. The change is authorized. Player Sakurazaki officially replaces Player Izumi for the reminder of the game!"

"Remainder, Haruka-chan," Yukino, well, reminded her.

"You can do it, Setchan!" Konoka wildly cheered, jumping up and down.

Setsuna had to take a moment to rip her eyes from the bouncy goodness.

Setsuna calmly took the place left by Ako, then gave another stare to Nodoka, who was now in possession of the ball. "Miyazaki-san."

"Y-Yes!" Nodoka nervously handed the ball over at her.

At another point of the crowd, a freckled girl with dark brown short pigtails looked at the blue eyed redhead sitting next to her. "Asuka-chan, isn't that against the rules? To pass the ball like that?"

"Who cares?" she grumbled. "This isn't Dodgeball, it's Calvinball!"

As soon as she had the ball, Setsuna took impeccable aim, then shot the ball straight into Chiri's mouth.

"THAT'S A FOUL!" Harumi called out as Chiri plummeted down flatly on her back.

Haruka looked back and forth at the girls before finally pulling a red card, nodding and blowing on her whistle. "Both Player Kitsu from 2-F and Player Sakurazaki from 2-A are out!"

Setsuna turned around and walked away indifferently. Her only objective in the game was done.

Chiri, meanwhile, got back to her feet, wiping the blood off her mouth before feeling something small and hard rolling her tongue. She spat it out, only to see it was... a bloody tooth.

The ensuing scream shook all of Mahora. "THE PERFECT SYMMETRY OF MY MOUTH! RUINED FOREVER! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

It took Kaere, Harumi, Nami, and the benchwarmers Kotokon, Manami and Abiru all piling up on her to subdue her.

* * *

 

**Act Nineteen:**

As the timer came inexorably closer to the game's end, Class 2-F redoubled their efforts to put 2-A out of commission, with notably good results. Akira, being a tall and rather big target, eventually was tagged by Matoi. Without her favored hiding place on the field anymore, Misora lasted a little longer by just running away like hell whenever the ball was headed her way, but Harumi tricked her into running straight into her sights. Haruna landed a ball on Maria shortly after, but just as soon, Makie was hit by a casual shot from Kafuka. "Ooops! I'm sorry!" Fuura said, actually sounding regretful, even if in a whimsical way.

The crowd watched in mesmerized amazement at the intense, rabid match, awed at the athletic prowess of the remaining players (at least, those not named Nodoka or Yue). Well, many of them were mesmerized by that, although there were exceptions...

Sitting in the middle of the main group of teachers, a tall, slack jawed black haired man with glasses sighed deeply while gazing over and over at the girls' lower sections. "Ahhhh... Short shorts, long happiness..."

Fujisawa gave him a really creeped out stare. "Isn't one of them your niece, Kimura?"

"I never let mere bonds of genetic connection interfere with the proper aesthetic appreciation of the female form!"

Chao was actually starting to feel tired. Was she growing rusty and unfocused after so many times playing basically the same game, or was 2-F really that good? Maybe she should try to recruit a few of them up for Mahorafest, although they were loose cannons and probably more trouble than they were worth.

She was still struggling with the matter when she noticed the ball passing zooming by next to her, colliding squarely against Negi of all people.

Ooops. Yes, maybe she was growing careless with time. She'd need to look into that.

"SENSEI!" Makie cried.

"BRAT!" Asuna shouted.

"NEGI-BOUZOU!" Ku Fei gasped.

"NEGI-SENSEI!" Ayaka screamed.

Chisame still lay with her head on Hakase's lap, the teen genius and Sakurako fanning her over with a _Thermonuclear Physics Swimsuit Illustrated_ magazine, Dr. Stein on the cover. "Sensei? You fighting Evangeline again? Tch tch. Wait for me, I'll blast her over with my magical pink scepter of sugary cute doom..."

"What is she talking about?" Shiina asked.

Satomi laughed unconvincingly. "She plays a lot of online videogames..."

"I'm... I'm okay!" Negi stood up wearily, shaking his head. "I'm not hurt at all, Nekane! I mean, girls! I feel all right! Go on, girls! I trust the ten of you to win!"

"Sensei, there's only four of us left," Haruna pointed at herself, Yue, Nodoka and Chao.

"We're so screwed," Yue philosophized.

"It doesn't matter if there are four, ten, or forty of you left, Iinchou-san!" Negi groggily declared with a drunk's energetic resolution. "As long as one of you stands, you haven't lost yet! And even then, I'll never lose my faith in you! No matter what, always keep up looking ahead, never giving up! To Infinity and beyond! Falling only means you can get up again! And just as long as you keep getting up, you'll always be winners... and my heroines, " he passionately finished before pausing and adding, "Also, I'd like some Pringles!"

"Sensei...!" Nodoka was moved to tears.

"... Sensei, I'm not Iinchou," Haruna told him. "My breasts aren't that small!"

" _ **HEY!**_ " Ayaka and Roberta both cried in indignation.

Haruka looked at Yukino and clapped twice. "Get that poor boy a bag of ice for his head, and some Pringles as well!"

"Right now, Haruka-chan..." the submissive student rushed for it.

Over at the 2-F side, Kafuka only stared on blankly, randomly distracted by the flight of a nearby butterfly. Mayo simply stood quiet with her eternal neutral yet DEEPLY EVIL expression. Kaere huffed in disgust. Harumi analyzed the scene carefully, never letting her guard down, and Matoi... well, she had just fallen in deep love all over again.

"He's... so wise..." the recurring stalker marveled, her breath now coming out in quicker, shorter pants. It was exactly as creepy as it sounded. "So smart, and cute as a button, too... how could I never notice it before?" she mused. "His words have such a real fire and courage to them, unheard of even in adults. He's a dreamer, and yet he has achieved more than far too many realists at such a short age. Oh! Negi-sensei! I was a fool, ignoring you for so long! But as of now, Tsunetsuki Matoi pleads her undying devotion to you! Indeed, before all of this school I declare my—!"

The very next second, she was catching a ball in the face.

Harumi smiled anew as she saw Haruna standing before them, fuming while Negi was taken away. Both bespectacled mangakas tensely faced each other. Chao, Nodoka and Yue waited behind Saotome. Kaere, Kafuka and Mayo did the same behind Fujiyoshi.

"Okay, Sempai, now we're even," Haruna smirked challengingly. It was a smirk truly worthy of her father. "Time for the final dance. One shall stand and one shall fall! Let the battle be joined! 2-A, _transform and roll out!_ "

* * *

 

**Act Twenty:**

With the clock just a couple of minutes away from the endgame and both teams tied up in numbers, the crowd watched expectantly as the girls went all out. Chao managed to land a hit on Kafuka fairly soon, although as expected, Fuura didn't seem to mind at all. Much to her shock, however, a rather smart combination attack from Fujiyoshi and Kimura managed to brush her shortly afterwards.

Perhaps it was just a stroke of luck for them. At least that was what she told herself.

And to be fair, they both were competent, skilled players.

But she had been trying.

And yet, for some reason, it happened.

It was wrong.

What was happening to her?

She sighed, plopping down on the bench next to Ku. Her dark skinned friend patted her on the back with as little subtlety and as much enthusiasm as she always displayed. "A really great game, huh? Ahhhh, finding worthy rivals is always so good-aru!"

"Yeah. I guess winning isn't always everything, ne?" Chao tried to make one of her habitual carefree smiles. But for some reason, it wasn't working the same way anymore.

She almost could hear the ominous clock ticking back to zero in her head.

What was she missing?

Now it was all pretty much only up to Haruna to hold the fort, and no one in her camp, except her two closest friends, had any actual hopes of her pulling it off. But much to their surprise, the nerd could actually move like a pro, despite her usual laziness at anything that didn't involve flipping through books, sketching smut, or suggestive teasing. Relentlessly, she kept on protecting Nodoka and Yue all by herself, playing practically alone against her three Sempais, puffing heavily but never relenting, until finally...

"SAOTOME SUPER-AWESOME DRILL SHOT!"

Mayo was out now as well, and although her expression didn't change at all, her eyes spoke of horrible traumatizing revenge. But Nodoka and Yue were still far too contented to actually notice it.

"You're great, Haruna!" Nodoka all but swooned.

"Just keep it for a few minutes more and we'll win, three-to-two," Yue said. "Do you think you can do it?"

"Pffft, " Paru clenched a grin, her large breasts moving up and down with her now tumultuous breathing. Many people stared. "Piece of cake. Just watch me..."

Harumi whispered to the tense, scowling Kaere. "All we have to do is elude her guard to hit the shorties. She's tired, it shouldn't be hard. If we play this right, we'll manage to hit them both with a single bouncing shot. Roger?"

"Roger. Your play," the busty blonde nodded.

Harumi made a feint for Haruna herself, but it was just a decoy; as soon as Saotome hit it back, Kaere jumped up to intercept it, then rocketed it back past Paru's left shoulder, taking advantage of her weakest angle and landing a solid hit on Yue's small frame.

"Crap!" Asuna bit her tongue.

"Yuecchi!" Haruna gasped.

The tiny girl sighed, one knee on the ground. "Should've known. Sorry, Haruna. I'm just not made for this..."

Haruna sighed back and rubbed one of her shoulders. For once, not teasingly at all, just with friendly fondness. "Nonsense. You did great. You kept on dodging like a professional. Go, I'll take care of everything else."

Yue nodded, looking up at her and meeting her eyes. "I know you will."

For a moment, the two were lost in their own little world, faces gradually inching closer and closer until…

"Uh, right," Haruna said, looking away. "Well, I have ass to go kick!"

Nodoka gulped as her tall friend regained her position while Yue blinked in confusion, realizing what had just happened. Everyone who knew Haruna was thinking the same thing. _Did she just…_ _ **let a perfect opportunity GO?-!**_

Harumi smiled. _She's actually prioritizing this over her lewdness…_

Only a few scarce minutes of game remained.

Both brunette mangakas stared at each other.

"We're down to a single partner each, but at least mine can play, eh, Paru-chan?" Harumi evenly said. "Just give it up. You did very well. There's no shame on losing now."

"What, are you trying to weasel out? This isn't over until your mom sings!"

"Ooohhh, now you've done it! At least my mother isn't a blackmailer, and my father doesn't wear feminine underwear!"

"SHUT UP! GUYS WHO TURN INTO WOMEN ARE HOT AND YOU KNOW IT! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!"

All of the rest of 2-A but Evangeline and the still out of her mind Chisame cringed.

"Wha-What was that all about?" Natsumi asked.

"I always knew she had no limits, but this... this...!" Ayaka grimaced.

Yuuna at first was as repulsed as everyone else, but then... "Ummm, a father complex...?" she rubbed her chin. "Can kinda see it, actually..."

"I'll pretend I never heard that," Akira said.

* * *

 

**Act Twenty One:**

_Why did you all but leave us, Paru?_

Look at them; weak, pitifully frail, clueless and lacking all we have. The passion to pursue a dream, the fire of creativity, content to dig through old creations and not make new ones. Do they make you feel better because you're clearly their superior? Do you find that rewarding, to rule over your bookstore anthill? Languishing between dusty books while we actually strive to create something?

They had reached a truly frantic crescendo now, Haruna protecting Nodoka while fighting, yes, for all intents and purposes fighting, the two older girls at once, even though it was clear she couldn't last for much longer.

_Now look at yourself. You've become too complacent. Missing your deadlines, forgetting everything your old man ever taught you. You're a shadow of the girl I once met. But if this match can make you see that, then I'll be happy._

At the seats of the Manga Club, Hiyori and Patty looked on with baffled concern. The foreigner's mouth hung slightly open, as the bespectacled brown haired girl doodled on her notebook with increasing detachment, too absorbed with the final motions of the contestants, but also with their frustrated, sweaty faces, showing their strain, their stubborn refusal to lose.

As both mangakas got more into it, however, both of their partners struggled to find their own places at the court. For Nodoka, it was actually easier; she only had to roughly keep herself behind Haruna, trying to avoid being an obstacle. But for Kaere, full of pride and exuberant energy, finding herself suddenly ignored by a teammate just so she could focus on her personal affair was aggravating. The blonde started to actually push around for more chances at the ball, trying to finish the game by herself, ruining the team dynamics at the very last few moments, Harumi actually fighting back in her own refusal to renounce personal victory.

That gave Haruna an opening. With a final effort, she struck the ball, her move more a punch than a throw, fist slamming into the poor, abused piece of sports equipment with a cry of " _SAOTOME DIVINE BUSTER!_ ". In the blink of an eye, the ball swooshed right before Harumi's eyes, barely missing her to land on Kimura instead. The blonde was thrown back hard, actually bouncing twice before stopping. As expected, the blonde quickly recovered with an onslaught of indignant lawsuit threats, but ittook a while, and no one was paying her any more attention. 2-A had just gained a 2 to 1 advantage at the very edge of the game. Nodoka smiled with relief, and Haruna paused for only a moment in renewed smug confidence, thinking of things to come, Negi's praises and Ayaka's speeches in her honor.

But Harumi didn't miss a beat.

Indifferent to her classmate's downfall, the only thing in her mind now was she had just found an opening of her own.

_Are they so important for you, Paru?_

_Fine._

Haruna barely reacted in time to see the ball flying towards Nodoka, even before Honya herself noticed it. She then saw the horror face of her friend, her eyes growing huge behind the thick bangs, and her instincts kicked in.

A dash ahead.

A brief stumble at the worst possible moment.

Not big enough to make her fall, big enough to foil any counter. Nothing to do but receiving the ball for Nodo-chan.

She gritted her teeth and knew what she had to do.

" _SAOTOME SELF-SACRIFICE TECHNIQUE!_ "

Make it look like she'd planned to do that.

Hiyori and Patty stared, aghast.

Yue fought the completely alien urge to curse.

Asuna and Ayaka's jaws fell, rolling on the floor like discarded baseballs.

Even Itoshiki was impressed.

When Nodoka returned to reality moments afterwards, she trembled, looking at Haruna's sighing, downcast frame. "H-H-Haruna... You... You..."

Slowly, the taller girl put a hand on Nodoka's right shoulder. "It's okay, Nodo-chan. It's just a game."

"But... But you could've have won if you... had just left me to..."

"Like I said, a game. Nothing worth you getting hurt."

"But... now she'll hit me anyw—"

"No, she won't. Not now, if she knows what's good for her," Saotome softly hushed her. "And mostly, no, because you won't allow her to hit you. Right?"

The petite teen gasped, then finally nodded with reborn resolution. "No. I mean, yes. Yes, I won't."

A sly smirk, and Haruna squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Atta a girl."

Haruna walked out, winking an eye at her final teammate, then shooting Harumi a cold warning glare.

Only one minute of game left.

A complete, chilling silence had fallen all over the court and the crowd. Even Momoko, Miyako and Kaoru at the commentators' box had fallen silent.

Harumi held the ball in her hands. She had won. All she had to do was to volley over at Miyazaki before the time ran out. They all knew she couldn't hit a ball back to save her life. It was so simple.

But she couldn't do anything but looking at Miyazaki's determined, brave beyond all reason, huge, soulful eyes, half camouflaged under those bangs.

_Why have you put your faith on her, Paru? Why are you so foolish?_

Why do you like them so much?

Why are you happy with them?

Harumi felt everyone's eyes on her. Especially 2-F's. Chiri's. Kaere's. Despair-sensei's. Ai's. Abiru's. Even those of that balding boy who sat the back of the class... what was his name again?

She gulped, then prepared a new, final throw...

And flinched.

She let the ball roll out of her fingers and to the ground, much to Nodoka's, and everyone else's, puzzlement. Then she crouched down making a pained, straining face, grabbing her own right wrist, making a few urgent, whimpering noises.

"Harumi-chan?-!" Nami asked.

"I... I think I overdid that last shot! Argh! Damn, that hurts! Been forcing myself too much through the game... My wrist… my precious drawing wrist! No… no, I can't risk it! "

Haruka-sempai blinked, then blew on the whistle. "TIME OUT! PLAYER FUJIYOSHI FROM 2-F FORFEITS DUE TO INJURY! CLASS 2-A IS DECLARED THE VICTOR!"

All of the (not groggy) 2-A students watched in utter disbelief for a moment, then exploded into an avalanche of cheers and laughs.

Chiri, on the other hand, walked over to a tree and began bashing her head against it. "So close...! So infuriatingly close...! What has happened to the scales of justice?-!"

Itoshiki sighed. "I knew they were having too much of a good luck streak..."

Manami looked at Kafuka and shrugged. "What does it matter, we made a good showing, doesn't it?"

"We didn't actually lose! It's impossible for something right out of _Mighty Casey At Bat_ to happen in real life! We just had a draw that was ruined by the match lasting one minute too long!" Kafuka laughed without any concern in the world.

"Man, what an anticlimax," Kaoru murmured, resting her chin in her hand palms.

At her side, Momoko and Miyako hugged sharing a squeeing declaration. "IT'S A MIRACLE!"

"Kaere-chaaaaaaan!" Kimura-sensei jumped down to greet Kaere with open arms. "You'll always be a winner for m—"

She just punched him in the face. "Back off, uncle! Remember, I still have a restraining order against you!"

"HONYA-CHAN! HONYA-CHAN! OUR HEROINE!" 2-A chanted as they surrounded the shy librarian.

"Ehhhh?" Miyazaki gasped. "N-No, no, I didn't do anything at all! I don't deserve any—!"

"LET'S TOSS HER UP!" Haruna pumped a fist up.

"Wait, no—!" Nodoka uselessly protested before the girls grabbed her and started tossing her up between cheers and hoorays. "Yueeee! Help!"

Her best friend made a small smile and shook her head. "No, you have earned it. Enjoy it, Nodoka. I'm so proud of you."

"Ah! Whose hand is that on my–"

"Making up for lost time, Honya-chan!" Haruna cried.

Yue sighed, partly in disappointment, partly in relief. "She's back…"

Nami looked at Harumi's wrist with concern. "I can't find what's wrong with it, but... Abiru-chan, you know the way to the nurse's office better than anyone. Can you get her there while I look for Marikawa-sensei?"

"Yes," the tall and heavily bandaged girl with pigtails nodded while helping Harumi back to her feet, then walked her along out of the court. The mangaka took a brief casual glimpse at the celebrating 2-A, out of a corner of her eye. She found Evangeline looking at no one but her, with a knowing small glint on her green eyes. She hadn't been fooled. But mostly, Harumi saw Haruna's happy face, and that alone told her it had been worth it.

_Oh, Paru. The things we have to do for you._

* * *

 

**Act Twenty Two:**

As the cheering of the crowd began dying down, and everyone started retreating back to their dorms under the quietly falling dusk, Takamichi shook his head slowly, passing a hand through his hair. "Oh, Negi, Negi... You still have so much to learn..."

Standing at his right, Shizuna-sensei laughed easily. "Ara ara, but he at least can bond with them in a way we never could manage, can't he?"

"It's more like he's their little brother, rather than their teacher..." the man amusedly commented before focusing his attention on Asuna, who was patting a still wobbly and dizzy Nodoka's head. "Although sometimes... a relative is all what is truly needed..."

The contusions had finally lulled Chisame and Negi down into a blissful sleep, and Sakurako softly pushed them together and covered them up to their necks with a blanket. "Awww, don't you think they look really cute like this, Satomi-chan?"

"Yes, I think so until I remember I'll be the one to carry them back home..." the scientist exhaled, inwardly debating on if she should risk using her Artifact and passing it up as one of her inventions. "But on second thought... Chachamaru!" she called out.

The gynoid approached quickly. "Yes, Hakase-san?"

"Could you please take a firm hold of Negi-sensei and carry him straight to bed?" her creator asked.

A brief pause. "... Yes. O-Of course I wouldn't mind."

"Good, good! And could you do the same thing with Chisame while you're at it?"

A longer pause. "I... I guess, if you wish me to do so... But..."

Hakase cast a curious glare on her face. "When did I install a blush function into you?"

"Five months and six days ago. You said it'd be a helpful visual tactic for the next evaluation committee," Chachamaru dutifully reported.

"Ah, yes," Satomi remembered. "By the way, haven't I installed 'those other appliances' I told you about yet?"

A new blush. "No, not really."

The genius took a notepad and pen out. "This Wednesday after classes, at the usual lab."

"Can I watch?" Sakurako asked, despite not having any idea what did they meant at all.

Meanwhile, the mood of Team 2-F was definitely a miserable one.

"It can't be...!" Chiri was on her hands and knees, shaking violently. "This couldn't possibly have happened! We were robbed by random chance! None of this makes any sense!"

"Of course it doesn't!" Itoshiki walked closer, grabbing their attentions with a commanding exclamation. "Destiny is man's biggest enemy! There is no dishonor in falling prey to it! It's everyone's ultimate destination! What matters is you made a brave, commendable and tragically beautiful effort! Is there anything as romantic as a doomed charge? No! Any loser can win and slide away into the horizon with banal ease, but it takes a real winner to lose as majestically as you have!"

"Sensei!" Nami said.

"All the best books and films do feature sad endings! Who would remember Romeo and Juliet if they had lived happily ever after? What merit would the Illiad hold if Achilles and Patroclus had married and achieved perfect domestic happiness? What would Peanuts be if Charlie Brown kicked the football or managed to fly a kite? And real life imitates art!" Nozomu lectured. "Without defeats, our lives are nothing but gray long patches of dull contentment! The mere idea drives me to frightful tears! So rejoice, my students! Today, you have reaffirmed my faith on the inherent unfairness of the universe! And for that, I salute you! I feel at home, surrounded by so many wonderful failures! Otherwise, I never could catch up to you!"

He threw his hands up. "DESPAIR! LACK OF DESPAIR WOULD DRIVE ME TO DESPAIR!"

They all looked tearfully at him. "Sensei...!" Manami sobbed.

"You DO care...!" Kafuka rejoiced.

"Loonies, the whole lot of them," Evangeline commented.

Then they all jumped on him. Except for Matoi, who still was unconscious and left aside on the now cold hard ground.

"HELP!" he cried out. "NEGI-SENSEI...!"

* * *

 

**Act Twenty Three:**

Ako had left the celebrations early after being called over by Marikawa-sensei to the infirmary. She figured Fujiyoshi-sempai's injury had to be worse than she had thought at first, but much to her surprise, it was the polar opposite. When she examined it at Marikawa-sensei's urging, she could find nothing at all wrong with it.

"Sempai," she gazed at her with disbelief. "You're perfectly fine!"

"Why, thank you..." the mangaka mockingly purred. She WAS Haruna's mentor, after all.

"I-I don't mean that!" Ako stammered. "You feigned your injury! Why? If your classmates ever learn it, they'll—!"

Harumi calmly held a hand up to forestall her. "Probably have me drawn and quartered, all evenly divided with mathematical precision courtesy of Chiri, yes I know." The ridiculously huge busted blond school nurse and her soft spoken, flat blue haired assistant listened. "2-F are my day-to-day partners. But Paru-chan is, even after all this time, my best friend." There was a sigh. "Don't get me wrong. Up until the absolute last minute, I was perfectly willing, even eager, to take you all out of the game. You had overstepped your limits. And Paru really needed a lesson in keeping her priorities straight, or so I thought."

"Why?" Ako asked.

The older girl shrugged. "Maybe it was just jealousy. Ever since she joined the Library Exploration Club, she spends most of her time there. We are mostly an afterthought, after we were the first ones here to extend a friendly hand to her. Before today, I never could understand why."

She inhaled, looking out a window. "I still don't really understand it, of course. But when I saw that girl, Nodoka, trying so hard to live up to Paru's hopes despite clearly having no chance... I wondered what would have I achieved if I had taken her down. I wouldn't bring Paru back. And I wouldn't make her happy at all, either. I realized I had been petty over the whole thing, while that girl... actually acted as a friend. I was expending needless energy on a homoerotic subtext while trying to bring by friend over to my level, whether she wanted to or not, whether it was good for her or not. Maybe they deserve Paru more than us."

The busty woman pulled a tissue out and began to make soft puppy-like sobs, drying her eyes out. "That's... that's just so cute...!"

"Sempai..." Ako breathed.

"As a Club Vice-president, my duty is to guarantee the comfort and contentment of all our members, " Harumi continued. "If Paru needs her own space away from us, so be it. We'll just have to cope without her... ahhh... drawing power, and—"

"You're just being silly!" Ako abruptly said.

The mangaka looked at the normally shy nurse assistant, who was blushing with shame about speaking so loudly, but also holding herself enough to continue. Come to think of it, her expression was pretty reminiscent of Miyazaki's at the game now. Harumi wondered what was the actual deal with that class's girls.

"If Haruna means so much for you, why don't you just tell her yourself?" Ako managed to say. "What's so hard about talking it up with her? Can't you just spit it out?"

Fujiyoshi lowered her head. "I guess I didn't want to come as if I was pressuring her. Through this game, I was hoping for her at least to realize she has been wasting her potential, without being obvious about it. Instead I just bonded her further to her other club."

"Well, DUH! Your approach was taunting her, threatening her friends and making her wonder why she was ever friends with you in the first place!" Ako threw up her hands in exasperation. "Talk it over. A relationship built on hidden truths isn't one. It's just obsessive stalking. Considering your classmates, you should know how that goes. A relationship means you two _relate_."

"I'll think about it," Harumi blandly promised. "Thanks. You have a true nurse's soul."

Marikawa-sensei rested a hand on Ako's right shoulder. "Yes, Youko and I are very proud of her devotion to our job!"

"N-No, it's nothing, actually..." the short girl regained her usual shy, fumbling attitude.

Still waiting right outside the door, standing at the lonely hall, the silently listening Kobushi Abiru finished carefully detailing the conversation before walking away before anyone noticed she still was there. The bandaged girl smiled softly to herself as she headed back towards her dorm.

Ah, Harumi. What would they do with her?

…

Blackmail at some point in the future seemed in order. Abiru _was_ still 2-F after all…

* * *

 

**Act Twenty Four:**

The voice kept on singing over the eerie silence of the nocturnal desert.

_"Istanbul was Constantinople, now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople. Been a long time, Constantinople. Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks!"_

He rode an old large camel with strange grace and aplomb, marching across the ruined wastelands followed by three big burly men also traveling on camels. All of them heavily wrapped in heavy tunics that obscured their faces.

But there was no way to hide the playful insanity in the leading man's voice.

_"So take me back to Constantinople. No, you can't go back to Constantinople. Been a long time, Constantinople. Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks!"_

"Istanbul, Istanbul..."

the three men going behind crooned on cue.

"HYA HA HA HAA!" the lead man laughed. "Once more, boys!"

Then, however, he noticed the camp site in the distance. Actually, it was more like a few large camp sites around a bigger digging site, heavily surrounded by dozens and dozens of strongly armed men. You know, stolen straight from the set of the first Indiana Jones movie sort of thing. They spurred the camels on, only to find themselves encircled around by a literal army of said guards, all of them aiming their weapons at them.

"And a good evening to you too, Gents!" the first man cheerfully said. "Do you speak English? Parlez vous Francais? ¿Hablan castellano? Naiintindihan ba ninyo ako? Spreche sie Deutsche? May the Force be with you?" Then he made a few gestures in hand language, waited, and upon seeing or hearing no reply, resorted to the universal symbol of flipping them the bird.

A curvy, tall and slow walking brunette wearing desert fatigues, several guns hanging from her hourglass hips, walked out of the main campsite to meet them, escorted over by an elite corps of guards and a gigantic bald brute armed with a scimitar.

"Princess Jasmine!" the man with the crazy voiced bowed comically, his red lips peeking a huge grin under the confines of his cloth hood. "Glad to meet you, but sad to see you dropped the harem outfit!"

She smiled at him, in a confident, barely condescending way. "Greetings, Mr. Joker. I am Talia al Ghul, and this is Mister Ubu. My father shall not be able to be with us tonight, but he asked me to make you and your associates comfortable here."

"Oh my dear. How generous of him," he pulled his hood back, his yellowed teeth sparkling under the faint moonlight, his green hair cascading free in the dry breeze. "So, more comfortable, hmmmmmm? Do we get Baldy thrown in the deal, or will it be just the two of us?"

The gigantic bodyguard was about to yell an insult into his face, but the woman stopped him with a simple hand gesture. "Ubu. No. Mr. Joker," she said as the four visitors dismounted, "I assume you were well informed about the gravity of this situation. The enemies we shall be facing are many, and powerful. Enemies that make even our common... nemesis, the Dark Knight Detective, look like—"

"No one's better than Bats, Toots, except, naturally, Yours Truly," the clown waved a hand, then asked, "Then you're on his black list too, huh? Oh, that man makes just too many enemies. I keep telling him he'd be a lot happier if he'd just lighten up, but do you think he ever listens...? Anyway, I actually wasn't told that much. That wacky priest thought it'd be fun to send me on a scavenger hunt across the world knowing jack shit. Good for him I'm in a good mood this fic. End of the world stuff, huh? End of days, the Book of Darkness has been filled, Raven turns sixteen, sexy Lexy makes a deal with Brainiac to set up an MMORPG sort of thing? You know, if it's that bad, shouldn't this be an Enemy Mine, call in the tights and capes thing?"

"Follow us. We'll talk in further length in privacy," she invited, turning around and walking toward the excavation site.

"Hoo hoo, saucy! I don't know how to react. I'm still a virgin! Oh, and by the way..."

He swiftly pulled a gun out, and before any of the assembled men could react, turned around and shot his camel three times in the head. Then he had everyone's, even Talia's, guns firmly zeroed in on his head.

Joker clenched a diabolic grin. "Why so serious? Man, I've been saying that lot lately! Heath Ledger, you must die! Oh, wait, you're already dead. My bad!"

"What is the meaning of this?" Ubu asked, his heavily accented voice growling.

Joker just grinned at him and calmly blew on his gun's barrel before letting it just spin around on his finger, horrifying anyone who knew even a little bit about gun safety. "Joe there had been looking funny at me all the way. I think he was unhealthily attracted to me. Creepy! Say, Tata, mind if you have your cooks fix us a good juicy camel for dinner? It's not against their religion, right? I heard you guys out here are weird. That's what happens when you go around not looking at porn!"

"My father is their god," the woman said, aloofly walking away once more. "They shall obey any command I give them."

"Worship Banjo, the hand-puppetgod, and his prophet Elan!" the clown cried, then crossed his arms behind his back and followed, his three henchmen shadowing him. "By the way, these are Moe, Larry and Curly. Any similarity with famous Golden Age comedy stars favored by this humble buffoon is likely more than just a coincidence. Say hello to the pretty lady, boys."

"Hello..." the one with the black bowl cut sang.

"Hello..." the one with red hair continued.

"Hello!" the fully bald one finished.

She ignored them, instead explaining as they walked deeper into the site, "Ten years ago, this whole area was ravaged by a combat between our enemies and a third party known as the Ala Rubra. Our enemies are known as the Cosmo Entelekheia society; ruthless pursuers of world subjugation, in a mad attempt at an impossible utopia. They would drive all mankind into a forced existence in a world redone to their narrow minded designs."

"Gasp! No! Such heathens!" the clown cried. "Call Keanu Reeves! We need… THE ONE! Good thing you guys are all up for freedom, Joe Quesada and the well-being of all living things."

"Actually, no," Talia coldly narrated. "Our dream is eradicating a 90% of this world's excess population, and only then institute a utopia based on the wellbeing of all living beings."

Joker hummed. "I must admit, so far, I like your plan better than theirs."

"Cosmo Entelecheia's plans and ours are incompatible," Talia said, leading the way into an old, ruined down fortress. "Ten years ago, at this very place, their senseless fantasies were stopped abruptly. Many have believed them dead ever since, but we know better. They have regained their strength, and wait for the moment to strike again. A moment that is dangerously close."

"Oh my, the suspense!" Joker swooned. "Quick! Some get us a comics artist! This must be immortalized!"

They stopped at the middle of a huge underground tomb, where several scientists and specialists worked all around a huge cylinder filled with a strange reddish liquid, and a naked, slender young boy with long silver hair floating inside of it. An inscription at the cylinder's feet only said in Roman numerals, **"IV"**

"They left this behind," Talia informed. "No doubt they believed him dead in the attack. He nearly was. An artificial humanoid of sorts. Our technicians are attempting to reprogram him, for a lack of a better term, for our cause."

Joker clucked his tongue, intrigued.

The boy slowly opened his eyes, which wandered lazily across the room until meeting the clown's sharp ones.

"He does that at times," Talia explained. "But never moves, otherwise. Stay behind, in any case. He has been catalogued as a metahuman of an unknown, yet highly dangerous, level."

The Clown Prince chuckled. "Tata! That's rude! You shouldn't say such things about a man's in-laws."

Talia raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

His grin grew crazier as he stared into the boy's eyes. They stared back.

He opened his arms wide as if for a hug. "KINDRED!"

* * *

 

**Epilogue:**

The next day, Itoshiki sighed as he vaguely caressed his bruised, aching right arm, and silently cursed Maria's excessive affection. He began taking the roll calling for the morning's class.

"Kobushi Abiru?"

"Here."

"Komori Kiri?"

"Here!"

"Oora Kanako?"

"Here..."

"Tsunetsuki Matoi?"

No answer.

Itoshiki sounded very slightly concerned. "Hasn't Tsunetsuki-san recovered from yesterday's contusion yet?"

"She woke up shortly after your defeat speech," Nami said. "She seemed fine, or at least as fine as she ever is."

"I know it's somehow my fault," Ai lamented.

"Wait, remember her reaction after Negi-sensei's motivational speech," Manami asked. "Don't tell me she's..."

Everyone cringed at the reminder of what the resident stalker could do.

"I feel so deeply sorry for him," Nozomu sighed, his head slumping down.

"Him? _She's_ the one who has to compete with a class full of experienced pedos!" Chiri said. The rest of the class nodded. "A moment of silence for Tsunetsuki-san! We knew her… well, a little." They all bowed their heads.

"It's not pedophilia, it's an early May-December romance!" Kafuka chirped.

At 2-A, Ayaka gave a highly annoyed glare at the girl refusing to leave the normally empty first seat of the classroom, the one reserved for one Aisaka Sayo. "And I tell you, this isn't your class! You can't be here! Now leave before I'm forced to resort to violence! Hey, are you listening at all?-!"

Negi trembled as he felt the perfectly still and silent Matoi's eyes fixed on him. The girl even had arrived wearing a perfect copy of his suit, shoes and tie. And she simply looked at him, in a deeply loving way, one so intense you almost could swear it made a long pitched sound, as if it was cutting through the air.

_Jiiiiii..._

Sayo peeked her head out the window and called out, "Kiri-chan! Come here and drag your classmate out of MY seat...!"

Haruna only smiled and looked down at the note Matoi had brought her right before starting her stalking. It came from Harumi.

_Hey there. Great game yesterday._

Got an idea out of all this. You interested on a dodgeball manga for next term?

The artist closed her eyes happily.

So, she didn't hate her, after all.

* * *

 

**Epilogue Secundus:**

Negi suddenly jerked up straight. "Hey!" he said. "Why didn't _I_ get an end-of-term bonus?"

Chisame clobbered him with a pillow. "It's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep…" she murmured.

* * *

 

**Omake- From the Files of Chao Lingshen:**

_Dodgeball Iteration 9: Duel Academy_

"Activate Magic Card! Millennium Shield!" a Ra-Yellow cried, a moment before he was smashed in the face by a ball. "NO! HOW COULD MY DECK FAIL ME?-!"

"This isn't a Duel, moron!" Chao cried. Honestly, Yue and Nodoka alone together was kicking their asses! "There are other games beyond children's card games!"

"Impossible!" an Obelisk Blue cried. "There is only Duel–! … ow… my groin…"

_Dodgeball Iteration 14: Xavier Institute_

"Sensei!" Makie cried, pointing at Jean Gray. "She's cheating!"

"Jean Gray is disqualified for not using her hands!" Itoshiki cried.

"Fools! I am fire made flesh! I am power incarnate! I! Am! The Phoe–!"

Evangeline punched her. "STAY DEAD! YOU MORTALS ARE SUPPOSED TO DIE IF YOU ARE KILLED!"

Magneto and Godel glared at each other. "Now, we see who is truly meant to survive!" the councilor cried. "Homo Superior or Homo Magi!"

"Bring it, creepy shotacon," Magneto said.

Xavier facepalmed. "Can't we all just get along?"

"NO!"

_Dodgeball Iteration 21: Hogwarts_

"ALL RIGHT!" Itoshiki shouted. "FOR THE LAST TIME! LET'S BE CLEAR! WE ARE PLAYING **DODGEBALL!** _ **NOT**_ **QUIDDITCH,** _ **DODGEBALL!**_ "

Negi and Harry glared at each other. "You're going down," Harry said.

"You wish," Negi growled back

"I have my friends by my side!" Harry said.

"So do I," Negi retorted. "My 31 to your 2."

"Well…"

"And my wand is bigger than yours!"

"THAT'S IT BITCH! WE THROW DOWN!"

_Dodgeball Iteration 26: Ariadne_

"Why are they always blonde?" Chisame grumbled as Emily and Ayaka glared at each other.

Off in the corner, Chao was crying as the time-space continuum went 'what the hell' and streaked around naked while on ten tons of crack.

"Then it's settled!" Ayaka declared. "If we win, you have to teach us all magic!"

"Done!" Emily cried. "And if we win…"

People instinctively moved in front of Negi.

"…we get Yue!" Emily finished.

"We'll never surrender Negi-sen…sei?" Ayaka blinked.

"Good, because we want Yue," Emily said, nodding in satisfaction.

Baka Black pointed at herself. "Me?"

Emily looked at her, then pointedly sniffed, looking away. "Not that we want you around or anything. It's not like we think you're hot or anything like that…"

A pair of arms fell on Yu'e shoulders.

"LIKE HELL I'M GIVING UP MY SEXY, SEXY YUE!" Haruna cried.

Nodoka was more direct. " _ **MINE!**_ " she hissed.

_Dodgeball Iteration 35: North High_

Kyon sighed. He turned to Koizumi. "Dodgeball no? Really? It was bad enough during the baseball match."

The esper shrugged. "What can I say. Haruhi gets worked up over the strangest things."

Haruhi, self-declared captain of the team stood proudly before 3-A, the ball in hand. Behind her were lined Kyon, the esper, Yuki, Tsuruya, a returned-yet- _again_ Ryoko (she'd been fully checked for knives this time, and Yuki was keeping an eye on her), Taniguchi, Kunikida, two members of ENOZ and Mikuru, who was uncharacteristically glaring at someone. "Heh! Remember this day, 2-A! I shall be victoriosu and per the terms or our bet, your cute-shotacon mysterious teacher shall be ours! Now-!"

She made to throw the ball, but at the last second, Mikuru stole it from her hands. Everyone stared at the normally soft-spoken girl in shock.

"What?" Haruhi demanded. "Mikuru, what do you think you're-!"

"Shut the fuck up, Suzumiya, you bitch," Mikuru snapped, not looking, not even when Haruhi fell silent in shock. Mikurur just kept glaring. "Chao..." she growled.

"Asahina..." Chao growled back.

"You are under arrest, criminal!" The ball was spiked so fast Kyon thought Yuki had launched it. Come to think of it, even the alien looked in shock.

"You can try, sex-toy!"

"BITCH!"

"SKANK!"

"STICK!"

"BOOB MONSTER!"

"MISER!"

"PEASANT!"

"YOUR FOOD SUCKS!"

"YOUR ORGANIZATION COULDN'T FIGURE ITS WAY OUT OF A GRANDFATHER PARADOX!"

The teams watched as the two girls hurled abuse and the ball at each other, seemingly oblivious to everyone else, who just stood around.

"Kyon..." Haruhi said.

Kyon braced himself for an explosion..

"Get me a video camera, a hose and some jello..."

_Dodgeball Iteration 41: St. Hilde Academy_

"W-what is this feeling…" Vivio said, putting hand to his chest. "When I look at him, I feel… warm! And tingly! Like… like I want to touch him and pet him and hold hands and eat ice-cream together! Like I want to hit him in the face with Starlight Breaker and show him my true feelings! Ah! I'm so confused!"

"It's called being straight," Chisame said., sighing. "You'll get used to it…"

Einhart grabbed the ball. "Negi-san! Let me show you my true feelings!" She got ready to throw.

Rio tackled her, trying to take the ball. "NO! you already have a love interest! Negi-san let _me_ show you my true feelings!"

"NO!" Corona said, attacking from behind and grabbing the ball. "ME!"

"My feelings are truer than yours!" Lutecia cried, kicking the ball away from them and grabbing it.

2-A stared as the St. Hilde group began to fight among themselves, all screaming about being the one to show their true feelings.

"Does this mean we win?" Hakase asked.

_Dodgeball Iteration 57:Ohtori Academy_

"If Mahora wins," Itoshiki announced. "We get the Rose Bride."

2-A stared at the dark-skinned girl in the honest-to-goodness purple ball gown.

"Does this mean we'll be married?" Makie asked.

"Unacceptable!" Ayaka protested.

"HELL YEAH!" Haruna cried. "Group wife!"

"And if Ohtori wins…" Itoshiki continued. "They get the Mars Prince!"

An absolutely crimson Negi stepped forward… also wearing a purple ball gown. A sudden wind caused him to cry out in shock and try to keep his skirt down, but not before revealing he was wearing the appropriate underwear. With garters.

They all stared. There was 33 plus simultaneous nosebleeds.

"Sexuality… conflicted!" Utena said, gripping her phallic obje– er, sword for reassurance. "Must… be… prince… MUST! BE! PRINCE!"

"DARN IT!" Evangeline cried. "Knock it off! You're wasting good blood! There are young vampires starving in Sunnydale, you know!"

_Dodgeball Iteration 66: Sunnydale_

"DAMN IT, GIRL, STOP TRYING TO STAKE ME!" Evangeline cried as Buffy tried to sneak in stakes between ball throws. "I'M ALREADY TRAPPED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR ALL ETERNITY! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?"

* * *

 

 **Next:** Oh my Sister!


	23. Lesson 20: Sister Knows Best

* * *

 

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

_Ah my Goddess!_ and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

_Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, have I mentioned huge? and I mean huge, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this chapter excellently and even adding the Konoka segments, plus… all of the Fuuka-Fumika Les Yay cracks. Sorry to everyone who might find that scandalous or offensive, but frankly, I found them too hilarious to cut them out.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence. No joke.

**PROMISED HONOR MENTION TO RYUUS 2** , who managed to find pretty much ALL the references at the prior chapter. However, not to step on your dare, but you missed the ongoing _Ranma ½_ reference dealing with Haruna's origins, plus the two _Dragon Ball Abridged_ gags ("DOOOOOODGE!" and "I'M GONNA SKULLFUCK YOU!"). Great job all the same, man! Special thumbs up for recognizing the Sailor Moon character and the Kodomo no Jikan cast!

Everyone else who has reviewed, and those who vote in the poll: Thank you from the bottom of my soul. Hey, one of you voters gets your wish in this chapter!

* * *

 

**Act 1:**

"Satomi-san..."

She stirred and grumbled while pulling the sheets closer to her face, shrinking away from him. He still kept on poking her upper back with a finger, however, and the Freudian implications of such a thing were finally enough to move her to wake up, lazily sitting up at her bed, her pajama shirt's right shoulder slipping down only a bit as she rubbed the cobwebs off her eyes and spitting hair out of her mouth.

"What do you want, Sensei...?" she said, trying to block out visions of…well, Haruna and Chamo-approved imagery.

The boy sitting at her side gestured for her to keep her voice low. "Chisame-san's sleeping..."

"Yeah, and so was I..." she mumbled, her eyelids struggling to stay up. "As a matter of fact, in two minutes I will be deeply immersed in sleeping inactivity again unless you manage to supply me with a good reason to remain awake…" More imagery was dully blocked out. Damn her being made aware of the activities usually related to these hormonal imbalances! Think about Sakurako, Sakurako… _damn,_ that just made it worse…

"Well, it's not often I can talk to you privately..." he said, moving his face closer to her's. "We're always at classes, or with Chisame-san, or you're at your lab... and I've had something to tell you for days... something I can't tell you in front of Chisame-san..."

She recoiled, gaining a distinctive shade of red over her cheeks. She slid back on her butt uncomfortably, her loose pajamas sliding down slightly, edging away from him until she was about to fall off the bed.

"Sensei! I'm, um, honored, but we should not... I mean, I already am... it's not anything serious yet, but... although, I'm in no commitment yet, and if I were ever to... what I mean is, better to end it while it's still early and won't cause any serious harm to her, but still... am I dreaming? I guess so, and I suppose that in case it'll be all right to say yes, so... yes, I accept." She smiled goofily, eyes half-lidded with sleep. "Yes, it must be that dream again..."

He stared at her in complete, absolute puzzlement. "Pardon me?"

Hakase paused, saw he wasn't tackling her and slowly taking off her clothes as she futilely protested before she switched to begging him and agreeing loudly with whatever he was doing to her as usually happened in that hideous, uncomfortable, disturbingly mesmerizing recurring dream, then replied in a helpless cracked voice, "You are not a dream, are you...?"

He only nodded very slowly, his expression filled with concern.

She groaned, running a hand down her face. "I am such an idiot..." The girl shot him a glare. "Forget I ever told you this, and not a single word to anyone, most especially not Chisame and Sakurako!"

"... Satomi-san, are you feeling okay?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," she breathed firmly. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Chisame-san's birthday is in one week, isn't it?"

The young female paused again. "... I can't remember. I'm very bad with non-historical dates. I don't even remember my father's birthday."

Then she bit her tongue. "Ooops, just remembered. Last Friday! I'll have to call him tomorrow..."

"You mean you—" he started, but then decided to stay on his intended subject, ruthlessly quashing his urge to yell at her at the unpardonable sin. "Never mind. I assume you haven't anything ready for that date yet?"

"You know Chisame. She's never been one for parties..."

"But she seemed to enjoy herself a lot at the Christmas one..." he argued.

A brief anguished moan came from the bunk above. "No... Haruna... Keep your goddamn hands off my waist... I'm not into that kind of dance..." Chisame's voice gurgled. "Eh, not you too, Hak…" Her voice faded out.

"Define 'enjoy' in that context, please," Satomi asked Negi.

He instinctively cringed. "I... I think I'd prefer not to..."

* * *

 

**Act 2:**

"What did you do last year for Chisame-san's birthday, Satomi-san?" Negi asked again.

The scientist put a hand on her chin, trying to make memory. "Nothing that I can remember, actually."

"Nothing at all? Not even a small birthday party?"

"No. Her relatives called to congratulate her, and that was all," Hakase reminisced.

"They didn't even visit?" the child's eyes grew rounder.

"She told me she preferred it that way," Hakase lay back on her pillow. She realized her butt was hanging out of her pants and pulled them up. "It seems she doesn't get along with her parents."

"Why?"

"I have no idea. She's never told me, and I value my physical condition far too much to ask."

The teacher sighed, but still didn't fully relent. "Haven't you ever met them?"

"Not at all," Satomi shook her head. "Chisame doesn't even keep any photograph that I know of."

"And her sister?" he insisted. "She has an older sister, doesn't she?"

Satomi paused to ponder, sitting back up. "Yes, she does. I met her once. She came to fill some paperwork for the Dean last year, and attended the parents' reunion."

"What's she like?" Negi asked.

At that point, out of nowhere, Chamo appeared and climbed up onto his right shoulder, nodding eagerly, barely holding his voice down. "Yeah, tell us, Sato-chi! I bet she's really tall and sexy... I mean, pretty, isn't she? Isn't she?"

"Actually, she's very short and flat, freckled and introverted," the teenager answered. "If you ever meet her, you'll probably think she looks more like she is Murakami-san's sister."

"But she's still cute, right?" Chamo asked.

Hakase scratched her nose. "I suppose you could say so. I wouldn't really know. I'm not much of a judge of the aesthetic qualities of my fellow females." She firmly kicked down the Haruna-sounding part of her that she suspected was her embryonic libido telling her Sakurako was hot.

"Is there any way to call her?" Negi sounded hopeful again. "Some phone number? An e-mail address?"

"Are you thinking of reuniting them for Chisame's birthday?" Satomi guessed. "I'm not sure that would be such a wise idea. If they choose to stay apart from each other, I'm sure they have their reasons—"

"Please, Satomi-san!" Negi pleaded, grabbing her hands and starring at her with his best puppy-dog stare. The genius gasped aloud, trapped by the spell of those huge brown eyes. Finally, she nodded in a stiff fashion and jumped off the bed, waddling her way towards Chisame's desk.

Chamo chuckled and elbowed Negi in the ribs. "You've got a real gift, Bro!"

"Gift?" the boy questioned. "Where? And why me? It's not going to be my birthday!"

The ermine puffed. "One of these days we need to have a really long, enlightening conversation on quite a few things."

Negi blinked with confusion before seeing Hakase was grabbing Chisame's laptop. "Ehhhh, Satomi-san, are you sure you should be—"

She held a hand up to silence him as she navigated her way through the computer's databanks, expertly. "Be quiet. You'll wake her up, and if she sees me with my hands on this, not even Chachamaru and Chao will be able to save me." Her lips briefly curved up into a grin. "Eureka."

Negi smiled in a much lighter, naive fashion.

Chamo rubbed his paws together with manic glee. "Hey, are there any cheesecake photos in there?"

Negi blinked. "Why would Chisame take pictures of cake?"

"Really Bro, a long, enlightening talk like Uncle Barney recommends…"

Chisame rolled over in her bed, snorted a few times, and drooled a few drops on her pillow. For some reason, her dreams had managed to get just a wee bit more disturbing.

* * *

 

**Act 3:**

"Sora!" The huge, deeply tanned, muscle-bound young man walked into the workshop, wiping his oily hands roughly clean with an old piece of smelly cloth. "Yuh have a call! I think it's some weird soundin' lady sayin' sumthin' about your sister!"

Instantly, the young brown haired woman pulled her head out from under the car she was fixing, adjusting her murky glasses clumsily and gasping. "H-Has something happened to Chisame?-!" she asked frantically.

"Dunno," the hulking guy shrugged his wide, rocky, hard shoulders. "Ootaki's talkin' wit' her right now. I don't think she—"

"Thank you, Tamiya-sempai!" she said, nervously bouncing back to her feet, almost stumbling and falling down, only to be caught in the nick of time by the short, black-haired fellow student who had been helping her with the repairs. Blushing, she stood straighter, thanking him with a fast nod of her head. "Th-Thank you, Keiichi-sempai! Um, you won't mind if I—"

Keiichi-sempai just gave her one of his usual sincere but melancholic, tired smiles. "Not at all. Just go. Family always comes first."

"Thanks," she repeated before bolting past Tamiya and into the club's living room. There, their other sempai, a boy almost as tall as Tamiya, but much thinner and with a blond bleached mohawk hairstyle, wearing black biker leather, held the phone while his mouth hung open. "You—You're a GUY?-!-! Umm, err, sorry, dude! I didn't mean all that, then... No, I mean, your voice is nice, but not sexy, for real! Ah, here's Sora-kun. I'll leave you with her. Bye!"

He handed her the phone. "It's some young dude teacher of your sister's. Unless it's really a babe playin' a prank on me. Didn't sound like a guy at all, I think..."

She accepted the phone with a nod, not really understanding his point, and not caring much for once. "Hello? H-Hasegawa Sora here. How's Chisame-chan? Who are you? Is she okay? How much do I have to pay? She's not going to have to transfer to Ohtori, is she?"

"Sora-san?" a small voice with a soft foreign accent said from the other end of the line. "Pleased to meet you! I'm Negi Springfield, your sister's new homeroom teacher..."

She arched her eyebrows. "Did they change Takahata-sensei's post? I hadn't been told... I, um, I mean, pleased to meet you too, Sensei..." Funny, he almost sounded like a child... "To what do I owe this honor?"

She didn't really notice Tamiya and Ootaki hanging around right behind her, shamelessly eavesdropping on her conversation.

"Her birthday? Why, yes, I know it's due in a week..."

"No, I must say I didn't have plans to visit her... Chisame-chan never was the kind of child who cared about birthdays..."

"Me? A-Are you sure, Sensei? Well, it'd be a pleasure... If you're sure she won't protest..."

"Yes... I think I can take two days off from my studies... Yes, for Chisame-chan, I'd do it... I guess it's the least I can do..."

"Same here. W-well, yes, you can count on it. Sure. Please give my regards to Hakase-san as well. Yes. Naturally. A good day to you too."

She hung down with a sigh, her shoulders drooping down.

At that point, even Keiichi was there as well, reaching over to pat her on a shoulder. "Little sisters, huh? I know what's it like."

"Yes, you do... Far much better than me," she miserably sulked. "You've been a much better brother for Megumi-san than I could ever hope to be a sister for Chisame. We haven't even talked in months, and I don't even know where to start..."

"Yuh could start by bein' there," Tamiya gruffed.

She looked way up at him. "Sempai, are you sure you won't mind if I'm absent next week? The finals are almost here, after all..."

The towering man dwarfing her laughed deafeningly. "HAW HAW HAW! We're MEN AMONGST MEN here, Hasegawa! We'll cope just fine! Right, Den-kun? Morisato?"

"No prob!" Ootaki gave a thumbs up.

Morisato weakly imitated his gesture with another bland but honest smile. "Do what you must do, Sora."

She smiled back, then wiped a tiny tear off the corner of her right eye. "Thank you, everyone... You're right; at least this time, I won't fail her again..."

"But bring us cake," Tamiya sternly commanded.

"And photos of that teacher, if she's really a cute babe," Ootaki added. "I still believe she was just kiddin' around wit' me..."

Elsewhere, Negi still stared at his phone with a frazzled expression. "But what does 'sweet-buns' mean?"

* * *

 

**Act 4:**

The morning of February the Second, the first thing Chisame saw upon waking was a plate of half burnt sandwiches, a smaller plate of misshapen pretzels, and a large glass of orange juice being all but thrust in her face.

"Happy birthday!" Negi, Chamo and Hakase said at the same time, as the metal arms on Satomi's Artifact backpack tossed a rain of confetti all over the bed.

Chisame blinked stupidly, spat some confetti out, and then breathed out, tapping with her fingers on her own face. "So you remembered, huh?"

"Actually, I didn't," Hakase confessed, pointing at their teacher. "He has everyone's birthdays memorized, so I foresee we'll be doing this a lot through the year."

"Well, not to this degree..." he cautioned. "You two would be a special case..."

"That's bad form," Chisame warned dryly, picking a loaf of bread up and examining it carefully, noticing how the edges crumbled into ashes. Clearly Hakase did absolutely no cooking at the Chao Bao Zi. Huh, after all this time, she realized she had absolutely no idea how or why Hakase had a job there. "A teacher shouldn't have favorites."

His eyes grew wider, and he stiffened in place, shaken by such words. "I-I'm not playing any favorites! It's just we live together, so it's only natural for me to—"

"I was kidding, darn it!" Chisame quieted him down with a gesture, then began to reluctantly munch on the sandwich. It tasted horrible, but she forced herself to keep eating. "And besides... I wouldn't mind being a favorite anyway," she quietly mused.

Satomi was puzzled. "Did YOU just say THAT?"

"K-Kidding again," Hasegawa ate a bit faster.

"It's just we've never been anyone's favorites at anything," Satomi laughed, without sounding actually bothered about it. "Even I've always played second place to Chao..."

"Everyone plays second place to Chao at everything. Hell, she'd probably be able to put Evangeline into second place in the big villain department," Chisame huffed, then glared at them. "I don't care about those things, really. By the way, you haven't organized a big noisy party for me with everyone meddling in, have you? I hate those reunions."

"We know, we know," Negi eased her. "We won't do it. We haven't even reminded anyone else about it."

"Not even Kasuga and Kakizaki?" Chisame warily asked.

"Nope," Chamo replied. "I think it's a shame, since Misa-chi getting hot and hammered is probably going to be really fun, but if that's the way you want it..."

"But... you wouldn't be adverse to a small celebration here tonight, would you?" Negi asked shyly.

"Only between us?" the hacker wanted to know.

"Basically, yes..." Satomi said, remembering to keep the surprise unspoiled for now.

Much to her surprise, Chisame actually smiled at that. It wasn't a big smile by any stretch, but it still was warm and kind in its own way.

"Then yes, I'm fine with it. Thank you."

Her three roommates brightened so visibly at that, it stunned her for a short moment. Did it really mean so much for them? Even for Hakase?

Chisame finished with the sandwiches as best as she cold, then reached over for the pretzels. They were hard as rocks, so she resorted to drenching them in the juice. Much to her horror, the liquid corroded them very quickly.

"We cooked breakfast by ourselves, all for you!" Hakase proudly stated.

"I can see," Chisame barely held her urge to cringe back. "How's that waitress job, Hakase?"

Hakase smiled. "Great! Chao's letting me put the salt in the pot now."

"We were about to quit and just buy you something else, but we managed to fix the kitchen in time..." Negi bashfully said.

"The spots at the ceiling will probably take some more work to remove, though..." Chamo added, then laughed, "But it's okay, Sis! No one ever looks at the ceilings, right?"

Chisame gulped the juice down in a single hasty gulp and made her best attempt to still sound civil. "I certainly won't, from now on."

* * *

 

**Act 5:**

That afternoon, Hasegawa Sora found herself lost at Mahora Academy. Again. She really shold stop forgetting to bring a map.

Nekomi Tech had much smaller grounds, comparatively. Not that Nekomi was actually little at all, but Mahora was a true giant, and despite Negi-sensei giving her instructions on how to reach their dorm over the phone, and the fact she had been there last year, she still was lost as hell, wandering around the campus and growing terribly frustrated.

At one point, she had stopped to ask a still young man in a yellow shirt and black pants, with a bandana around his head and carrying a large backpack with an umbrella tied to it, for directions, but the man hadn't even noticed he actually was at Mahora until she told him so. Then he had brightened up, said something about visiting 'a niece', thanked her and left, heading straight towards the woods.

Sora was not a woman who used to getting angry at all, but that situation really was starting to test her patience. She almost wanted to say something bad, like 'poot'.

Most of the students seemed to have left classes, but they weren't at their usual outdoor and club activities. She reasoned it was due to the incoming tests, but even so, she was annoyed at having no one around to ask, until she almost stumbled into two little nearly identical pink haired girls who seemed to be slacking around. They seemed vaguely familiar.

"Hey! Hey, you!" she called out. "Sorry to disturb you, but you study with Hasegawa Chisame, don't you? Aren't you the Fuyutsuki twins?"

The twins paused in their games to look at her. For a few moments they only gave her a weird stare, until the one with pigtails said, "Ahhh! You're Chisame-chan's sister, aren't 'cha? Yeah, we're the Narutaki sisters! Remember us? I'm Fuuka, and this is Fumika!"

"Hello," the other sister bowed very politely, and Sora bowed in turn. "Um, has something happened to Chisame-chan? It's odd for her to be visited..."

"Oh, no, it's nothing serious..." the young woman replied. "Actually, I, um, only came to bring her something for her birthday..."

Fuuka nearly jumped up in place. "Her birthday! Today? Waiiii, she's so bad! Why didn't she tell any of us?"

"Well, you know how she is, Onee-chan," Fumika piped in. "She isn't too close to anyone..."

Fuuka fumed and crossed her arms. "Unforgivable!" she declared. Then she looked back at Sora. "But it isn't your fault, of course. You want to get to her dorm, don't you?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I kind of got lost..." the young adult admitted.

"You got the right women, then!" Fuuka grinned, poking at her own chest with a thumb. "We're members of the Mahora Grounds Exploration Club, also doubling as the Walking Club, and we're familiar with every inch of this campus! We can get you there in a blink!"

"You would do that for me? Thank you very much!" Sora said.

"Yeah, but not yet. At this hour, Negi-sensei still must be teaching the Baka Rangers their review classes, and Chisame-chan usually hangs around playing with her laptop until he's done. In the meantime, why don't we give you a free tour of Mahora? That way, you won't get lost ever again!" the more adventurous girl offered.

"Won't it take long?" the Hasegawa firstborn said doubtfully.

"Not at all!" Fumika grabbed her by a hand. "Come with us! You'll have a lot of fun! What's the worst thing that could happen?"

In blatant violation of universal laws, there was no ominous rubble of thunder at the blatant tempting of fate.

"Okay, okay, you win..." she relented, following after them at a much more sedate pace. "Lead the way, please..."

Idly, she wondered if Chisame truly had to go through that every day.

* * *

 

**Act 6:**

Chisame sat at a corner of the classroom in perfect silence, searching through the Web in her laptop while Negi reviewed the so-called Baka Rangers' latest set of tests. She silently hoped they would get it right this time so they could go back home already. A small part of her mind yelled at her because she technically didn't have to stay with Negi, but she figured she shouldn't leave the brat alone with the likes of Haruna and Makie.

Saotome and Miyazaki, like always, were right behind Yue's seat; every once in a while, Haruna would attempt to whisper some answers to Ayase, but Nodoka's discreet yet efficient elbow and Chisame's vigilant deadly glares always managed to stop her in time.

Eventually, however, Negi just smiled at her latest test and nodded. "You got a 73 this time, Ayase-san! Good job! You can leave now!"

Yue actually breathed a sigh of relief as her two friends congratulated her. "See? I told you, if you only studied a bit, you'd ace all those tests!" Haruna told her.

"Hardly worth the effort," the shorter girl commented indifferently, while Nodoka thanked Negi with a lot of eager bows.

Once the librarians were gone, Ku Fei finally dared to ask, "So... How did we do it, Negi-bozu?"

Negi's expression suddenly changed to one of baffled, barely repressed disappointment, and he sheepishly held other four examination sheets up.

Nagase Kaede: 47.

"Ahhh... I came so close..." the ninja sighed.

Ku Fei: 43.

Ku slammed her forehead against her desk. "Bahhh, I'm so tired of this-aru...!"

Sasaki Makie: 36.

"So low!" Makie blushed, tears welling up on her eyes. "I don't get it! I thought I had done better this time!"

Kagurazaka Asuna: 25.

"... Crap!" Asuna screamed. "This can't be right! Brat, you're robbing me! You're doing this on purpose!"

"Yeah, because spending time with you here is so much fun, he wants to keep you here until the cows come home," Chisame droned from the back of the classroom. The ermine lying at her feet, Asuna could swear, almost seemed to chuckle at that.

"Who asked you?" Asuna nearly spat the words out.

"Now, now, let's take this easy..." Negi sighed patiently. "Let's try again, okay? I'm sure you'll do much better now..."

"Why?" Asuna snarked. "You'll stop cheating with the questions?"

"Maybe he'll make all questions '2 plus 2 equals...?'" Chisame deadpanned.

"Har har," the redhead shot back. "What, did a radioactive Iincho bite you this morning?"

"Let it go, Asuna," Ku Fei said before grinning at Negi. "Let's go, Negi-bozu! I won't surrender until I'm the winner-aru!"

"Now that's the spirit!" Negi smiled before handing her another test sheet. "Show us what you can do, Ku-san!"

"Yeah!" the Chinese girl cheerfully said, then took a good look at the sheet... and her face sunk down again. "On second thought...Good thing we aren't on curfew today..."

* * *

 

**Act 7:**

"So, you're in a Walking Club, huh?" Sora tried to make small talk, something she wasn't any good at, while following the twins across the campus. "That's... It sounds cute, I suppose..."

"Cute? Oh no, it's never 'cute'!" Fuuka protested. "It's a very taxing activity! I take you aren't familiar with the intense world of hardcore walking! Yeah, I can say it by just looking at your legs!"

"Wh-What's wrong with my legs...?" the older girl all but squealed.

"Strolling is a much stricter activity than it looks like, onee-chan, " Fumika said, jumping over her question. "Every year, strollers from around the world have serious, long competitions that leave many of them wrecked and broken shells for life..."

"The Sahara Strolling Tour leaves at least five dead contestants per year," Fuuka nodded grimly.

"The Gotham City After Dark Survival Stroll leaves at least three people clinically insane, twice as many criminally insane, inflicts several with strange phobias, turns most of the participants into plant haters and usually makes a tenth of the survivors irrationally comforted by the sight of dark spandex," Fumika said.

"The Metropolis Man of Steel Sky-Watch leaves several bed-ridden with neck cramps and being hit by cars from not looking when they cross the street!"

"The Manila Exploration Tour racks at least 14 stolen kidneys!"

Sora's cheeks grew purple. "My God! That's... hideous! What kind of school lets you practice such a grueling, dangerous activity?"

They both looked at her.

"Wow, you really bought it, Oneechan?-!" Fumika blinked.

Fuuka giggled. "So far, only Negi-sensei had ever believed the Sahara part!"

Sora blushed deeply and shook her head to herself. "You girls are... are... Forget it, " she ended up sighing. "So, where are we going now?"

"That's the swimming pool," Fumika pointed ahead. "Looks like there's still someone in there."

"Oh! Maybe it's Akira-chan!" Fuuka cooed.

"Sure thing! Let's go talk with her!" Fumika eagerly said, pulling Sora away with herself again.

"GIRLS! I CAN WALK BY MYSELF, REALLY!"

"The way your legs look seems to say otherwise!"

"Honestly, what's so wrong with my legs?-!"

Sora marveled at the size of the gigantic swimming pool she was led towards, looking in all directions as the Narutakis skipped ahead lightly.

"Akira-chan...! Ako-chan...!" Fumika waved. "Hey, you still playing here? You know the club activities are over...!"

Ako lifted her gaze up from the book she was reading. "Um? Oh, hey there, Fuuka-chan, Fumika-chan. Actually, we're studying here. It's just Akira chose this place because it's quiet and relaxing..."

Fuuka's slanty eyes shifted around, as if pointing at the fact Ako was the only one not in a swimsuit and covered by glistening water droplets.

"... What?" Akira asked with some slight nervousness. "A short swim is always good for relaxation and preparation before tackling a study session. Right, Ami-san?"

The nearby girl with short dark hair laughed uncomfortably. "Well, I only agreed to it because Nyamo-sensei approved it!"

The young teacher heading the study session jerked in place. "M-Mizuno-kun, don't say it as if it's my fault!"

"Is there any fault to be placed on anyone, to begin with?" a tall, pale, shapely older girl with long and wavy greenish hair asked very calmly. "It's not like we were doing anything bad..."

Fuuka chuckled cagily. "Still, it's not something the other teachers would approve..."

Nyamo clenched a grin while rubbing a hand JUST A WEE BIT TOO HARD on Fuuka's hair, her voice straining her now-feigned sweetness. "Good thing they won't know, don't you agree, Narutaki-san...?"

"O-Of course..." Fuuka stammered.

"Ahem, " Fumika attempted a save for her sister, "Do... Do you happen to know Sora-san here? She's Chisame-san's sister..."

"Who's Chisame?" the green-haired girl asked. "One of your classmates?"

"Yeah, she's the one who..." Fuuka began, then stopped upon finding she had nothing flattering to say about her. "Um, she's the one with... glasses, and she has... umm... a laptop, I think, and... and..."

Then she turned around to Sora and smiled brightly, "By the way, Sora-Oneechan, this is the core Mahora Swimming Club with coach Nyamo-sensei, plus Akira's best friend Ako-chan, Manager for the Soccer Club!"

"Pleased to meet you, Ako-san," Sora bowed to Akira.

"Actually, I'm Akira."

"Oh, sorry!" Sora bowed to the other tall girl instead. "Excuse me then, Ako-san!"

"She's the Club President, Ichinose Tamao-sempai," Ako sighed. "I'm Ako."

Sora stood in befuddled shame. "... Sorry again!"

"Not your fault, this fic has too many characters," Fuuka glossed over it before pointing at another slender girl with long orange hair and green eyes. "And this is Fenette-sempai, a student in exchange from London's prestigious Ashford Academy!"

"I'm very glad to be with you all here at Area Eleven!" Shirley Fenette cheerfully said before correcting herself, "I mean, Japan!"

A brief awkward silence reigned over the surroundings until Fuuka just moved on. "And finally, that's Mizuno Ami-san, a genius student! She can help even seniors with their graduation tests!"

Ami waved a hand softly. "Come on, I just nudge them a bit in the right direction..."

"Nyamo-sensei," Sora asked the teacher, "How is Chisame doing at swimming classes?"

"Huh? Well, she's reasonably competent," the woman replied. "She could put a bit more effort into it, but she usually gets good performances at the pool."

"Thank God," the college student sighed. "When she was little, she was a dead weight in the water. It took Dad months to teach her how to swim, and it got so bad she even cried whenever she was in contact with the water. Then again, I was much worse. I still barely can swim beyond the doggie paddle..."

Fuuka smirked and got herself ready to discreetly kick her into the pool, but Fumika kicked **her** in the shin before she could do it.

* * *

 

**Act 8:**

"Ehhh?" Ako said, wide-eyed, as she enjoyed a bowl of ramen at the Chao Bao Zi along with Akira, Fumika, Fuuka and Sora, the other girls already having departed their own ways. "Chisame's birthday? No joke?"

Sora sighed, absently poking her chopsticks into her bowl's contents. "Yes. I brought her a gift, " she patted her purse with her other hand, "But I'm not even sure she'll like it. Truth be told, I've been a horrible sister. I couldn't blame Chisame if she never wanted to see me again."

"Don't ever say that," the young, petite and pale waitress with her black hair in cute buns served them their drinks. "Nothing, ever, is as important as family. You never should quit on them-yo."

"That's funny coming from you, Chao!" Fuuka grinned with playful insolence. "We've never seen your family! Not even at the parents' meetings!"

Miss Lingshen laughed it off. "Believe me, they would come if they could, but they are... far too busy elsewhere. It's okay. The Dean understands."

"Chao, could you help us with a last minute party for Chisame-chan?" Fumika asked.

"Are you sure that's what she'd like?" Chao asked back. "You know how much she values her privacy and tranquility."

Fuuka pouted. "It's still mean, not telling anyone..."

"Sora-san, I've heard you belong to a Motor Club, don't you?" Chao sat at the other side of the table, leaving the other tables to be attended by Satsuki. She could use some update on the Nekomi side of things. "I'm an aficionado of motors myself-yo!"

"Well, it's not a very big club," Sora laughed bashfully. "It's just the five of us now."

"Five?" Chao asked, with her curiosity piqued.

"Yes. Me, Tamiya-sempai, Ootaki-sempai, Morisato-sempai and Fujimi-sempai," the young woman answered. "Fujimi-sempai is the club's president, but she's almost always out in serious competitions. We still aren't up to that level. In her absence, Tamiya-sempai acts as our leader. He looks like a very scary man at first, but he's actually... uhhh..." her voice trailed off before unconvincingly ending, "... Nice."

"I see," Chao nodded with some concern. Fujimi Chihiro, but no Belldandy. At that point of the timeline, it was wrong. Very wrong.

Once the meal was finished, Akira stood up and thanked Sora with a formal bowing. "Thanks a lot for your company. We understand Chisame's desire for privacy, but would we be a bother if the two of us dropped down tonight to congratulate her?"

"I don't think she'd mind..." Sora bowed back. "Thanks. I'm relieved to see Chisame has such good friends."

Once she and Ako were gone, Fuuka patted her stomach. "Ahhhh, that was some good food! Now, it's time for the next stop!"

"Are you sure we can't go see Chisame yet?" Sora asked again.

"Nope! Knowing Asuna, Negi-sensei must STILL be stuck with her!" the mischievous twin giggled. "C'mon, I promise this will be the last stop of the afternoon! We'll go visit another true Mahora landmark, the Tatsumiya shrine!"

"It's always good to ask the gods for your loved ones' wellbeing in their birthdays!" Fumika added.

Sora thought it over. "I suppose it's a nice thing to do, yes..."

"Then let's go! We know a good shortcut!" Fuuka almost dragged her away once more.

Chao waved them goodbye, dropping her bright wide smile down as soon as they were gone.

She walked to a corner behind the counter and secretly pulled her cellphone out. "Natsuki-chan? It's me. I have good reasons to think something may be about to happen near the shrine. Drop what you're doing and go that way, ne? Yes, I'll give you some coordinates. It should be happening around that point, although I hope I'm getting it wrong..."

* * *

 

**Act 9** :

It already was very late, late, when Asuna finally managed to squeeze a 60 in and pass one of Negi's tests. Chisame had the impression Negi had only gone easy on her, however.

All the other Baka Rangers, even Makie, had managed to leave long ago. Asuna visibly felt so miserable and frustrated she didn't even object when Negi offered to escort her to her dorm. She only muttered as she dragged her feet following her classmate and teacher around; Chisame had never thought she'd see the day when Asuna actually walked slower and grumpier than her. For some reason, it did feel kinda good.

Negi seemed to want to strike a conversation with Asuna, but also looked wary as to how to start it, and Chisame naturally wanted no part on it. The three of them walked along in an uneasy silence, with Chamo being the only one going at a steady, playfully skipping pace. However, before long, they crossed paths with Akira and Ako.

"Oh, hello, girls!" the boy greeted.

"Good afternoon, Sensei!" Ako greeted back, with Akira bowing her head in concordance. "For you too, Asuna-chan, Chisame-chan."

"Hey," Asuna lazily lifted a hand up.

"Yeah," Chisame said, sounding even more apathetic.

"Happy birthday, Chisame," Akira softly said, with another bowing, this one directly devoted only to the hacker. Those three words were enough to make Chisame's face go pale, and for her to snap at her teacher.

"Sensei! You promised!"

"Today is your birthday, for real?" Asuna curiously asked, her attention revived.

"O-Of course not!" Chisame barked.

"It's okay, please take your hands off Sensei's neck..." Ako asked. "It was your sister who told us..."

Now that made Chisame to drop both her hands and her jaw down. "M-My sister?-! Is Sora here?-!"

"We just ate with her," Akira replied. "We left her with the Narutakis at Chao's place."

Chisame groaned, allowing her shoulders to droop down. "Great, just my luck. The twins. I'll be amazed if all the school doesn't know it yet."

"What's so bad about everyone knowing about your birthday?" Asuna rolled her eyes. "Man, you're weird."

"Nothing of your business," Chisame hissed as she set up course for the Chao Bao Zi. "I'm going to see Sora before she manages to embarrass me in front of everyone."

Negi gulped, then followed her closely, managing to wave goodbye to the sport girls before dashing after his roommate. After a brief moment of hesitation, Asuna went after them as well. "Hey, wait for me! I want to meet that sister of yours!"

After they were gone, Ako turned to Akira with a soft giggle. "Chisame is very different from her sister, isn't she?"

"Yes. Her sister is actually likable," Akira said dryly.

"Come on, Akira-chan, that's plain mean..."

Elsewhere, at the closed doors of the Tatsumiya shrine, Fuuka knocked again, this time even harder.

"MANA-CHAAAAN!" she called out. "SHIHO-CHAAAAN! It's us!"

"Forget it, Oneechan..." Fumika pitifully pleaded. "They aren't here, that much is obvious..."

"Bah!" Fuuka turned around crossing her arms. "Do you mean coming all the way up here was nothing but a waste of time? Ohhhh, that makes me mad! I'm going to give Mana a good piece of my mind tomorrow!"

Sora looked at her wristwatch. "Ummm, girls, it's been a really fun afternoon, but it's getting late, and I really want to meet Chisame again..."

"I suppose it is getting dark, yeah," Fuuka sighed in resignation before going back down the temple's front steps. "Let's get going! Negi-sensei is bound to be back at home by now! Ooh, look Fumika! They still haven't closed off the spot where we were fu–"

"Onee-chan!" Fumika cried, blushing as she cast sideways looks at Sora.

The college student sighed with relief as she followed the two small girls into the narrow path through the forest and leading back into the campus. It felt like those girlies had actually drained her (scarce to begin with) energy.

Fumika must have been reading her expression with notable accuracy, because she casually whispered to her, "Don't feel bad. It's always tough to keep up with Oneechan."

Sora gave her an awkward smile. "Sorry if I haven't been too enthusiastic. I've never been too much of a 'fun' person."

"Nah, never mind," Fumika consoled her. "You're fun in your own way. Much like Chisame-chan."

Sora patted her head fondly. "Thanks. That's something I don't hear often."

Then they heard another rather unusual thing.

Fuuka had just screamed in panic way ahead of them.

"Oneechan!" Fumika immediately raced ahead, Sora clumsily stumbling behind her to try and stop her just in case. But the small student was too fast for her, at least until she stopped, frozen on her tracks, looking up in absolute terror. Sora's gaze followed hers, and then she gasped aloud in shock as well.

At the middle of the lonely road, a huge black shadow swirled and twisted around a tiny obscured figure surrounded by several dozens of thick, beefy vines and roots, all of them snaking around and lashing out, several of them holding a now unconscious Fuuka up like a ragdoll. It held her spread-eagled, limbs twined by the appendages…

The diminutive inhuman thing focused its red, sharp and hungry eyes into Fumika and Sora, the latter instinctively pulling the paralyzed girl towards herself, trying to shield her with her arms.

Then a green whip shot itself towards them.

* * *

 

**Act 10:**

"What's so hideous about that sister of yours anyway?" Asuna asked while walking behind Negi and Chisame, arms crossed behind her neck, her school briefcase hanging from a hand.

Hasegawa growled while leading the way through the narrow forest path. Yotsuba and Chao, of course, had told them the way Sora and the twins took after leaving. She only hoped they could catch up to them before too much damage could be done to her reputation. "You wouldn't understand."

"Why? Because I don't have a family?" Asuna narrowed her eyes.

Chisame flinched a bit, remembering Kagurazaka's words during that day at the fair. "I don't mean to offend, but... yeah, that's why. Sora's one of those people who mean well, but are so bland and useless they always make things worse than they were. Back when we were children, everyone used to think she should have been the younger sister instead of me. Growing up, she was of absolutely no help for me, ever."

"That's ridiculous!" Asuna snapped. "I'd have killed for a family of any sorts, even a 'bland' one. I thought she was an abusive witch or something, the way you reacted."

"She always embarrasses me. Always," Chisame shuddered. "She tells people all my secrets without even batting an eye. What kind of underwear do I prefer, the stupid things I did when I was a toddler, the whole nine yards."

Asuna took a mental note of questioning that girl in depth later before casually saying, "Meh. You always get all dramatic about of everything. Sometimes you're as bad as Itoshiki-sensei!"

_Somewhere, Itoshiki sneezed. Tears welled up in his eyes. "I'm in despair! The fact this is my only appearance in this chapter leaves me in despair!"_

"Me?" the other teenager asked. "Excuse me, but who's the one always getting into over the top fights with the Class Rep?"

"That's always Iincho's fault!" Asuna reacted.

Then she briefly stopped and looked back, as if trying to spot something between the trees.

"Kagurazaka-san?" Negi asked her. "What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. Nothing," Asuna started walking again. "For a second, I had a hunch we were being watched, but it's most likely just my imagination."

Again, universal law was broken at the distinct lack of ominous wind blowing suddenly at the announcement.

"Ah, okay," Negi said. "Chisame-san, I understand relatives can be somewhat trying at times, but it sounds like your sister truly loves you. You two should try to get closer..."

"If she truly loved me, she wouldn't have left for another city and come to visit only once a year," Chisame replied. "I'll bet it's just her hypocritical sense of self-worth kicking in again. Honestly, she's so spineless; she can't even admit she doesn't actually give a crap about me. That's why she won't think twice about embarrassing me. But no, as she does it, she'll have to rant and whine on how pitiful a sister she is, and how she should do more... but guess what? She never does! I bet she has just dumped one of her sob stories on being unable to do it on the Narutakis!"

"Maybe she's just unable to do it," Asuna scowled.

"And why would that be?" the other girl retorted.

"Have you ever been an older sister? Do you know how taxing can it be?" Asuna spoke defiantly. "Hell, even though Konoka's so self sufficient, acting as her de facto older sister is still tough. You must be strong but not distant, supporting but not spoiling, and it's a hella hard balance to get right! I can't blame anyone who can't keep that up, and you certainly are old enough to not need a babysitter anymore!"

Chisame paused, giving the slightly intimidated Negi a brief look. "I... know what's an older sister's job like, actually. Wanna talk about babysitters?" she told Asuna. "I'm Hakase's, and that was even before Sensei arrived. So don't even try to tell me I have no idea how does it feel, because I have to do it even for people who aren't my fam—"

She stopped abruptly, noticing the sudden pale shade of Negi's face, and bit her tongue. "Sorry. I went overboard there," she admitted. "Sensei, for what it's worth, you and Hakase..." she struggled to get the words out, "... are practically my family here."

Negi slowly smiled back. "Thank you. The feeling's mutual."

Asuna looked back and forth between them and sighed. "Sorry. I guess I talked too much, too. You're right, it can't be easy to take care of the Prof."

"You have no idea," Chisame sighed. "She leaves her underwear everywhere, has no sense of privacy, used to walk around in nothing but her panties until Sensei came on..." No one noticed Chamo's nose had just exploded into a shower of blood. "She never cleans up, and her experiments... God, don't get me started on her experiments..."

"You're doing it," Asuna observed.

"Doing what?" Chisame asked.

"Acting like an older sister. You're spilling all the beans on Hakase, much like you accuse your sister of doing to you, " Kagurazaka said, not missing a beat.

Chisame's face paled in horrified realization. "I-It's different! Everyone already knows Hakase is like that!"

"Maybe you sister's assuming we know that much about you, too, " Asuna pointed out.

Chisame fell silent. Hell briefly experienced a snow storm.

Asuna smiled. "Truth be told, however, I've already learned a whole lot about you without even actually needing her."

Chisame gave her a wary look. "Are you intending to flatter or to insult?"

"Both," Asuna laughed. Negi couldn't help but stifle a chuckle of his own. Chisame felt like she should be angry at them, but for some reason she couldn't quite muster that emotion. The snowstorm turned into a hailstorm.

Then, however, Negi tensed all of a sudden, grabbing his staff tightly as some steps were heard coming from between the bushes. Asuna looked into that direction as well. "Oh, it's just you, Fuuka, Fumika. You two weren't doing inappropriate again, were you? Is that your sister, Chisame?" she pointed at the short young adult with them, before noticing something was very, very wrong about them.

"Sora!" Chisame gasped, nervously reaching over for the Pactio card in her breast pocket out of instinct. Some time later, she'd curl up into a fetal position up realizing the implications of having such an instinct in the first place.

Sora and the twins were covered all over by green spots darkening their skin, giving them a sickly, deranged appearance matching their absent, yet hungry and primal eyes. Their clothes were in disarray, and their shoulders hung down as they walked in a stiff, jerky fashion, stalking towards Negi's small group.

"Chisame..." Sora finally spoke with a throaty, inhuman intonation, licking her dry lips. "Happy Birthday... Come and give your Oneechan a big hug..."

She leaped ahead.

* * *

 

**Act 11:**

Negi sprang aside to save the momentarily stunned Chisame, to push her out of her deranged sister's path, but before he could cover the short distance from her, he saw Asuna jumping and pulling his roommate out of harm's way instead.

Sora growled, stopping abruptly and jerking her head aside to look at the two younger girls, now with bloodshot eyes.

"No wonder you didn't want to see her!" Asuna exclaimed. "She's a total wacko!"

"She... She isn't normally like that!" Chisame claimed, then pulled Asuna further back with herself as the twins lunged for her.

The Narutakis grumbled at their failure, then assumed identical ninja-like fighting stands.

"Why are they standing on one leg and waving their arms around?" Negi asked, confused.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kagurazaka asked them. "Are you spending too long with Kaede?"

"We'll take Kaede-neechan later..." Fuuka started. She licked her lips, leering. "Slowly… repeatedly… from all directions…"

"She'll be a great asset for the Master!" Fumika finished. "Her endurance… her body…"

"Kagurazaka-san, be careful!" Negi shouted, slowly aiming his staff at the attackers. "They're possessed, and I doubt they'll listen to reason!"

"Possessed?" Asuna asked. "No, c'mon! Is this some kind of prank? Because I'm not finding it funny at all!"

Sora roared as threateningly as a small and (normally) weak young woman with frail vocal cords could, and other than her cracking at mid-roar, it was actually effective. She charged ahead again, making Chisame yelp, only to run into Asuna's left hook.

"Look, I don't care if you're Chisame's sister, but you aren't getting your drunk college hands on me! Possessed, my foot! I bet you've just taken one beer too many and you got the twins drunk too! Do you realize you'll get you sister in a trouble over this?"

"DAMMIT, SIS, THE BRO'S BEING SERIOUS!" Chamo shouted. "Don't provoke them like that, or you'll get yourself killed!"

The forest fell into a sudden sudden silence then. Asuna's pigtails stood up like something out of a surreal SHAFT anime. Chisame groaned and slapped a hand on her face. Negi whimpered a little, his eyes becoming an 'X' shape on his face. Even the infected girls looked in an odd way at the ermine.

"... Whoops!" Chamo gulped, covering his mouth with his paws. "Never mind me! I haven't said anything at all, because I can't speak! Er, squeek! Squeak squeak squeak!"

Asuna tilted her head back to him, her eyes growing to legendary proportions. "So it WAS you after all!"

Chisame slid to his side and slammed a foot down on him. "Dammit, weasel! She wasn't looking at you! She didn't know for sure yet!"

"I'M DEEPLY SORRYYYYY!" he squealed with an agonized tone.

"My God, I've walked into the Forest of Hell!" Asuna backpedaled away from everyone, balling her fists. "Stay away from me, all of you! First one to come closer loses all their teeth!"

Ignoring the defiant posture, Sora, Fuuka and Fumika rushed at her at once. Chisame vainly tried to grab her sister and pull her back, failing and falling on her face. Asuna stood her ground, lifting her fists up to strike, but they were so fast, they almost were on her before she could fully react...

Then she heard the twerp's voice again.

"RASTEL MASKIL MAGISTER!"

* * *

 

**Act 12:**

Then Asuna noticed all three of her incoming attackers screeching to a halt, looking back at Negi, who shouted a few words in a weird language... Greek? Latin? Asuna guessed... and then shot a huge burst of wind out his staff... or so it looked, it was hard to if any of it say was even actually happening or not...

The compressed air threw Fuuka, Fumika and Sora several feet away, also blowing Asuna's skirt up in the process. She yelped, then quickly pushed it back down. But not fast enough to avoid Chamo from pointing up at her and yelling, "BEAR PANTIEEEES!"

She blushed scarlet, then swung a kick that slammed him against a tree. "Keep your mouth and eyes shut, freak of nature!"

Chisame sighed, half thankful for the brat not resorting to the stripping spell for once, half deciding to just go for broke. As if there was any point on keeping fooling Kagurazaka anymore. " _Adeat_!" she said while whipping her Pactio card out.

Asuna stared, dumbfounded, at the typical Mahou Shoujo transformation unfolding before her eyes. She successfully kept herself from snickering upon seeing Chisame in her post-transformation dress, and asked, "Do you... Do you know you give a full on peep show when you do that?"

Chisame's face reddened. "YES! YES, I DO!"

Negi was just looking aside uncomfortably. The fact he managed to keep an eye on the grunting, badly recovering twins and college student while doing so helped.

"So, what's the deal here?" Asuna demanded. "I know, you're mutants, aren't you? That Magneto guy in the news sent you to infiltrate the Academy, and then—"

"Try again," Chisame grunted.

"Invading aliens," Asuna said. "Crap, that weird Suzumiya chick was actually right!"

"Again," Chisame asked.

"Robots? That's it; Hakase built you to take over the world, and that's why you live with her, and—"

"Like Hell!"

"Superheroes! Your superheroes who still don't have that Edna Mode's number!"

" _DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SPANDEX!-?-!-?_ "

"... We are living in a computer simulation, and next you'll tell me I must pick the red pill or the blue one? Wait, It's all a dream! I need to check my bells–!"

"You watch far too many movies!"

"Oh, crap! You're actually my daughter from the future, aren't you? _THAT'S_ why we look so similar–!"

"Okay, now you're just being stupid!" Hasegawa snapped.

The twins groaned and fell into a sighting stance again, while Sora still rubbed her aching head. That was Chisame's cue to leave Asuna behind and stand next to Negi, aiming her scepter at the pink haired girls. "Don't even think about it!"

Asuna curiously peeked over Chisame and Negi's shoulders. "Let me see if I'm getting this right now. This is an exorcism sort of thing? They're possessed by the Devil or something?"

"The Devil? Don't be—" Chisame stopped in mid sentence, then asked Negi with some concern, "It's not the Devil, is it?"

"Not unless we're _really_ unlucky," he said, breathing in and out, keeping his staff zeroed on their adversaries. "Chisame-san, call in Misora-san. I don't know how to purge evil influences out yet, but she does."

"Wait, Misora's in on this too?" Asuna agitatedly asked. "So it's an exorcism after all! Wait, is there anyone else in on this? Iincho? She's crazy enough for it to—"

"It's only Chiu-chi, Sato-chi, Miso-chi and Misa-chi," Chamo said, pulling himself back to the scene.

"What? Misa too? How does she fit into that? Everyone else's weird enough, but Misa?" the redhead asked. She paused. "Oh, wait, never mind."

"Remind me to hurt you later," Chisame grumbled, placing her Card on her forehead and trying a telepathic call. But she felt nothing. "Sensei, I don't think it's working..."

Chamo sniffled the air. "I can feel a strong magical presence near us," he warned. "Maybe it hasput a barrier around the area. If that's the case, we won't be able to communicate with telepathy."

"Great!" Chisame shook her head. "What do you think, Sensei? Do we knock them out and get the hell out of here?"

"Chisame-san! Sora-san is your sister!" Negi gasped.

"Which means I have violent fantasies against her I've wanted to enact since I learned I wasn't supposed to hit people as a kid…I mean, we take them with us!" Hasegawa pointed out. Then they heard a yelp, and saw a long, thick vine sprouting up from the ground, wrapping itself around Asuna's right ankle and lifting her up high into the air.

"Yeah, they really ARE bear panties!" Chamo observed as her skirt flipped down.

"Stop gawking at my damn panties and get me down!" Asuna roared, wildly kicking around. "Brat! Be useful for once!"

Then another, smaller vine sneaked up wrapping itself around her face, and it exploded into a rain of green spores showering her all over. Asuna coughed while Negi and Chisame gasped below, their attention distracted long enough to allow the Narutakis and Sora to retreat back to relative safety.

Asuna angrily spat some bitter spores out of her mouth and madly kicked at the vine holding her. "Let me go, you stupid thing! Now! NOW!" she growled, finally kicking hard enough to snap it by half. "No—OWWWW!" she fell hard on her butt. "Dammit, why me?-!"

"Sora!" Chisame tried to run after her sister. "Sora, don't—" she was abruptly grabbed by Negi and pulled back, right before three more vines jumped up at the spot where she had been moments before. More and more vines followed suit, soon surrounding them and Asuna from all sides. "Damn it..." Chisame gulped, grabbing her scepter tighter. "At a forest, not much I can do... nothing electronic around to manipulate... Sensei?"

He nodded firmly. "Leave it to me, Chisame-san."

* * *

 

**Act 13:**

Negi grunted as he kept on blasting his way ahead, both girls and Chamo running close after him, Chisame also firing from her scepter at any random approaching vines or roots, but not making that much of a dent on the whole. The whole forest seemed to have turned against them, plants sprouting out of almost everywhere to lash at them as far as they could reach over to.

"We've offended the forest spirits, haven't we?" Asuna cried. "Crap, next it's going to be car-sized giant wolves, isn't it?-!"

Under other circumstances, Negi would have grabbed Chisame and flown away with her and Chamo, but they couldn't leave Asuna behind, and his staff couldn't support the weight of all of them put together. That disastrous experiment at trying to fly with both Chisame and Hakase a few weeks back had made him sure of that. And even if he dared, he wasn't about to risk his students on a flight of doubtful maneuverability through a forest with things trying to kill them on the way.

Oddly enough, in any case, the ermine observed as he ran, Asuna seemed to be doing much better at dispatching their vegetable enemies than either one of them. Her wild punches and kicks ripped the pieces of forest life apart as soon as they connected, and unlike those hit by Chisame and Negi, they didn't regenerate afterwards.

Even in the panic of flight, his eyes sparkled greedily. "Bro!" he called out. "These things seem to be very vulnerable to Asuna-neechan for some reason! What if you make a Pactio with her? Then I'm sure we'd clear this out in a blink!"

"What are you talking about?-!" Asuna yelled while slapping a branch swinging its thorns at her aside. "I understand less and less with each frickin' moment!"

"Chamo, this isn't a time to think about that!" Negi panted, starting to get tired after casting so many spells in such quick succesion. "We can't stop for anything!"

Then, abruptly, a large tree plummeted down right before them, blocking their way. Just as soon, several nearby bushes shook around, producing even longer vine tendrils that grabbed them by the wrists and ankles immediately, forcing them to stay in place despite their struggling.

"... Well, maybe we can stop for this," Negi admitted.

"Lemme go, lemme go, lemme go!" Asuna clenched her teeth, pulling her hands so hard she broke the tendrils holding her. "No way I'm dying like a victim of a dirty Z-list movie!" Stubbornly, she took hold of the vines holding Chisame's hands and pulled on them hard. When they didn't bulge, she bit them instead; chomping so hard the tendrils pulled back bleeding thick, blobby green. Asuna spat the disgusting flavor in her mouth. "My God, this is awful!"

Chamo noticed the bite wounds weren't healing, either. "Bro, really, she can help us outta this jam! Just take us somewhere with no plants around and let me draw a circle!"

"We're at the middle of a Bill Gates-damned forest!" Chisame yelled. "Where do you expect to find someplace like that?-!"

Then two shots rang out, their bullets shooting a duo of moving roots approaching them. Negi looked in the direction of the gunshots, hoping to find Mana and Shiho, but instead, he, Chamo and the girls found a svelte young woman in a tight, black leather biker's outfit, her head fully covered by a driving helmet, a strange looking revolver in each hand, standing on a large rock, dominating the area around them.

"I know a place," the stranger said curtly. "Follow me."

"Wha? How? Who in the world are you?" Asuna asked. "Are you behind this? Why should we—?"

"All I care about is she's human and she hasn't shot us yet!" Chisame grabbed Negi by a hand and ran after the newcomer, pulling him free from the tendrils.

"And watta curves!" Chamo drooled, racing after them in turn. "Whoa, MOMMA!"

Asuna sighed, stomped down on another root, and rejoined the escape. "I wonder if Konoka's dinner is getting cold..."

* * *

 

**Interlude: Konoka**

"I wonder where Asuna-chan is?" Konoka wondered. "Her dinner is going to get cold."

Setsuna kept glancing at the clock, trying not to eat too quickly. If she finished her food… before Asuna got there… It would be too much like having had dinner with Konoka! It'd be like… _**A DATE!**_ Motoko-sempai had warned her about this! Like how she'd had dinner with her landlord and his wife and they'd ended up breaking their marriage vows…

"Eh? Setsuna-san, why aren't you eating?" Konoka asked, looking at Setsuna's plate. She looked distressed. "Isn't it… isn't it any good?"

"N-no!" Setsuna exclaimed frantically. "It's delicious! Absolutely delicious! I just… I just don't want to finish all the food before Asuna-san gets here!"

"But… you hardly touched it…" Konoka said, looking depressed now. Itoshiki-approved levels of depression. "There's too much salt, isn't there? That's it…"

"N-no!" Setsuna said, taking a big serving and sticking it in her mouth, chewing exaggeratedly and making loud appreciative noises. "It's great Konoka-san!"

At Konoka's wide, happy smile, Setsuna, her defenses already penetrated by Konoka's armor-piercing effect, took another bite…

* * *

 

**Act 14:**

Questions started to fly as the teacher, his students and his ermine ran following the lead of the gun-toting biker, the mysterious girl shooting her way through the crazed forest, Negi and Chisame helping with backup fire.

"Who exactly are you?" Negi began, blasting a wild bush apart with a gust of wind magic.

No reply.

"Why are you doing this?" Asuna asked next.

Still nothing, and the gunslinger only kept on firing as if they weren't even there.

"What happened to my sister?-!" Chisame demanded then. Now that actually made their rescuer talk again.

"She's been contaminated by the spores of that 'Orphan'," she explained dryly.

"Orphan?" Asuna blinked, then snapped, "Hey, why are you blaming me for that?-! I never had even seen that girl before!"

"Kagurazaka-san, 'Orphan' is a term for a monster of unknown source," Negi patiently elaborated. "Since they have no known origins, our community saw fit to label them that way. I don't approve, of course, but—"

"And how do you know all that?" Asuna snorted. "Read about it in your nursery rhyme books?"

"Isn't it obvious, you idiot?" the biker told her. "He's a mage," she added bitterly, with distaste creeping into her voice.

"What? This twerp? No way!" the redhead replied.

Chisame held back her urge to slam the scepter on her head. "Weren't you watching him casting spells at left and right now, Baka? Do you need any more proof?"

"Then you're a mage too?" Asuna was even more incredulous now. "Crap, Konoka WAS right!"

"What? Why, When, How—!" Chisame started, then hissed, "No, I'm NOT a mage!"

"You're using magic," Asuna pointed out as she jumped over a log.

"I'm not a mage!" Hasegawa protested, even louder. "Anyway, what can we do to save her, then?"

The biker shrugged callously. "Beats me. I'm not a mage either".

Asuna still puzzled over it all. "So, if you're using magic, but you're not a mage… Oh my gosh! The clothes! The wand! The nudity! It all makes sense!"

Chisame realized were this might be going ,and tried to head her off. "No, I'm not a Magical Gir–"

"You're a sex ninja!"

Chisame nearly tripped, fell and broke her neck (which would have been a wonderful release). " **HELL NO! DO I LOOK LIKE… like… um… like… DO I LOOK LIKE MIDO-SENSEI?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-! OR ARAI-SENSEI?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-! OR** _ **KAEDE!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!**_ "

Negi blinked. "Huh?"

"Nothing!" Chisame cried. "Focus! About to die, running! Stick with that!" She ignored the sounds Chamo was making. How, exactly, could creepy giggling _leer_?

"Like I said, Misora-san could heal her if we bring Sora-san to her," Negi panted. "But first, we have to find and destroy the source of this event, the 'Orphan' itself."

Finally, they reached the wide rocky shores of a secluded lagoon. Negi saw the rider's point; the barren area was large enough to set a barrier and then a Pactio circle without being interrupted. However, before they actually step in there, more vines sprouted up from below, blocking their way. The first ones lashed ahead, a few of them managing to break through the stranger's helmet, spraying more of the spores into her face as the rest of them were binding and squeezing her arms and wrists, forcing her to drop her handguns. They were, of course, also crisscrossing her chest, emphasizing the pointiness of her breasts and making Chisame and Asuna very conscious of their weight and figure.

"FLANS SALTATIO PULVEREA!" Negi shouted, pulverizing the vines up with his incantation and jumping ahead to catch the now suddenly groggy, falling girl in his arms. "Hey! Are you okay... Kuga-san?" he blinked.

Chisame looked down at her after finishing blasting the remaining vines down. "Hey, yeah. She's Kuga Natsuki, that sempai we saw at the Chao Bao Zi when you were starting your term here..."

The girl jerked her own face aside, coughing violently, green spots quickly spreading across her fair skinned cheeks. "D-Drop me down, you fools... Kaff!... I've been infected... Soon I'll be as crazy as the others...!"

"Are you sure? Because I doubt you'll never top Itoshiki-sensei's class," Asuna said, passing a hand over her own face. "I was sprayed by those things too, and I'm fine..." She paused, concerned. "Because I _am_ fine, right?"

"See, that's what I'm talking about!" the ermine said. "I don't know how, Sis, but somehow, you seem to be immune to those things! That's why you have to make a Pactio with the Bro before we're all dead meat!"

"A Pactio?" Asuna was intrigued now, as she and Negi carried a still protesting Kuga-sempai into the relative safety of the rocky area, Chisame walking closely behind them. "Wait, I think I'm getting it. That's what gave you those spiffy magical powers, right, Chisame? And now I can get powers like those, too?"

"Basically, yes," Hasegawa nodded in a jaded way. Kyon would have been proud.

Asuna grinned. "Awesome! Then let's do it!"

"That's it!" Chamo cheered up, but Negi only blushed and Chisame made an awkward face.

Natsuki coughed again, then said, "You really don't know anything, you imbecile. To establish a Pactio, you need to kiss a mage."

Asuna's grin froze on her face, just as her features became stark white. "A... kiss...?-!"

Chamo waved a paw. "What's a tiny kiss or two between good, close friends, anyway...?"

Asuna's right foot met his stomach again. "I DON'T REMEMBER EVER BEING GOOD CLOSE FRIENDS WITH ANY OF YOU!-! OH MY GOSH, YOU _ARE_ SOME KIND OF SEX NINJA! THIS IS JUST THE START!"

"Huh?" Negi asked, confused

Chisame actually looked distressed then. "Then... Then you won't do it?" she asked with a suddenly strangled tone.

Asuna crossed her arms, closed her eyes and humphed, turning around. "Why should I? Do you think I'm some sort of perverted cradle-robber? I'm not Iincho or that Matoi girl!"

"It's not about that!" Chisame claimed, giving a step toward her. "I'm not asking you to marry him and settle down with three kids! But this is a life or death matter, and we can't do it alone! Much less now, with Kuga-sempai down!"

Natsuki coughed from the rock she had laid onto, her hands clawing around madly. "I can feel it already! Whatever you're going to do, do it soon! In a few minutes I'll be jumping for your throats!"

"Will you be doing it with new tentacles you're going to be growing?" Chamo asked eagerly.

Asuna doubted, grimacing deeply. "You can't ask such a thing from me, all of a sudden! It's all completely absurd! One minute we're walking down the forest, the next it's 'Hey, kiss a child and become a Magical Girl or you die'? Why do I have to stand under that pressure? It's unfair!"

" _Screw your unfairness!_ " Chisame yelled at her, at her wits' ends, despite Negi's gestures for her to calm down. "My sister's out there possessed by that thing! I'm not going to lose her just because you don't care enough about your own life! If you need to do a Pactio, you'll do it even if I have to rub your mouth against his!"

Asuna stood defiantly against her. "I'd like seeing you try! And besides, what's with the loving sister act after you badmouthed her so much?"

"I... I..." her classmate suffered of a loss for words for a few seconds before stammering, "N-No one would be callous enough to family to let that happen to them, no matter what! You said you'd do anything for a family! You must imagine how does it feel, to risk of losing a relative! I'm not on the best of terms with her, but still—! Still—!"

"Please, Kagurazaka-san..." Negi pleaded. "Think of the twins and Kuga-san, too..."

Asuna's brow quivered a few times. "Aren't you a bit too eager about it...?"

"N-N-Not at all!" he gasped.

She stared down at him. "Oh, so I'm that disgusting to kiss? What, I don't have enough zits for your tastes?"

"LEAVE MY SKIN CONDITIONS OUT OF THIS!" Chisame roared.

"God, I want to kill you even more now...!" Natsuki was banging her fists down on the rock.

Negi fought to find the right words. "It isn't that! You're a very appealing person, Kagurazaka-san! But I'd never dare kissing a student unless it's absolutely necessary! But right now, it is! We need any edge we can find to get out of here!"

"Buttering me up won't get you anywhere!" Asuna threatened. "I won't do it! You hear me? I won't! Your milk-smelling flappy white mouth sickens me! If there's anything I hate, that's whimpering smartass brats like you!"

Then she felt someone tugging on her right sleeve, and looked aside to see Chisame looking at her, biting her lower lip. "Please, Asuna... I'll do anything you want... But help me save my sister..."

Asuna paused, momentarily moved by her classmate's emotion, moving her mouth to start another objection but not finding the heart to actually do it as she noticed Chisame's glare grew more humbled and begging by the second. Then, finally, as if to break and ruin the dramatic mood, the ermine spoke again.

"Sis, are you that reluctant 'cause you've never kissed anyone before?"

Asuna blushed, then reacted violently, "Wh-What in the freaking world are you saying, you stinky vermin?-! Of course this wouldn't be my first kiss! I've kissed lots of people before!" she rather badly lied. "Lots and lots of handsome older men who actually smell and act as such! Pffft! As if a kiss with a shrimp like this would even faze me!"

"In other words, you're a slu—" Natsuki tensely began, the manic blood thirst boiling inside of her already.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Asuna protested, then fumbled, "Fine, fine, I get it! We're all but dead if I don't do it, right? What the hell. Let's get it over with then!" she sighed.

"Hooray!" Chamo cheered, quickly pulling his chalk out of his fur and drawing a circle on the rocky ground around Asuna and Negi in a blink. Baka Red scowled deeply as she followed the ermine's motions, standing right before her teacher, who was as flushed and nervous as her. Watching from the sidelines, Chisame breathed in and out, wondering what was that strange feeling in her chest now. She wanted for them to kiss, and yet, she couldn't help feeling badly about it. Why did she always have to watch how the brat kissed with other girls? Misora, Hakase, Misa, and now Asuna.

_I'm not jealous, I can't be possibly jealous. Not over him…_ she repeated in her mind to calm down her nerves.

Asuna cringed in disgust, then lowered her head, directing her pink lips towards Negi's forehead. "O-Okay, here I go..."

"IT HAS TO BE ON THE MOUTH!" Chamo yelled at her.

"What?-! On THE MOUTH!-? NEVER!-!" Asuna roared. "No way! I prefer dying! No! I refuse! You'll never see me doing that!-!"

Natsuki jumped back on her feet, now drooling wildly. "I'll kill you all for the Master! Glory to the will of The Green!"

Now that was enough to finally convince Kagurazaka. After a very brief yelp, she grabbed Negi by his suit's lapels, and then roughly pulled him to herself, harshly stamping her lips over his.

* * *

 

**Act 15:**

Even through the overwhelming force of Asuna brushing her mouth against his and the panic about the quickly approaching Kuga-san, Negi vaguely noticed it wasn't actually working this time.

He wasn't feeling the same jolt of magical energy she had felt with Chisame, Misora, Satomi and Misa yet, and it had been nearly immediate all those other times. Chamo seemed to think so as well, his eyebrows quivering in nervous doubt even as Natsuki lurched slowly for them, struggling against her own urges to strike.

Chisame just aimed the scepter at her, gesturing for her to stay back. "Get a hold of yourself, Sempai! Weasel, how long is this going to take? The cards appeared just as they kissed all other times!"

"I honestly don't know!" Chamo complained. "Asuna-neechan, you sure you aren't faking the kiss?-!"

Asuna fumed mad even as he stubbornly kept on kissing, waiting for the promised payoff. This was her first kiss, and it was going to be wasted on that twerp, all for nothing? She refused to believe it! If Chisame had done it, she could do it, too!

"Maybe four is the top limit number of Ministrae he can have?" Hasegawa theorized. "He's only a kid, after all..."

"No, no, no!" Chamo insisted. "Dammit, we can't be cheated out of this...!"

_Ah,_ Negi remembered, _maybe what was lacking was that thing with the tongue Misa had done..._ Asuna's eyes widened as she felt something worming inside of her mouth, teasing her tongue up and down, but before she could push him back in indignation, she felt as if her body was being shaken, and then everything seemed to explode in light around her.

"It's succeeding!" Chamo cheered, and even Chisame breathed easier now. Kuga stepped back, shielding her eyes from the light glowing all around the circle at random, almost sputtering intervals. "PACTIOOOOO!" the ermine cried.

The card materialized itself and floated down to his eager paws then, just as Asuna pulled her mouth way, rubbing the, indeed somewhat milky, flavor out of it. "Wh-Who taught you how to do THAT?-!"

"Misa-san," he candidly answered.

"Figures!" Asuna huffed. Right then, however, she was distracted by Natsuki pulling her guns back out and huffing, pointing them at her, breathing tumultuously.

"This host's will... was strong, but ultimately doomed..." she said. "Now The Green will claim you as well. The Green cannot be denied or stopped. Your world is about to end. Only we can save it."

Chisame gulped and got ready to fire her scepter at Kuga's head before she could shoot at them instead. She hadn't ever shot an actual human being before, but it was do or die, right? Better her than them, in any case. She was sure the courts would understand... Except for the whole magic part, maybe...

But before she even knew it, in a single swift motion, Negi had ducked under Natsuki's aim, no doubt aided by his small size, and took advantage of his staff's length (insert dirty joke here) to hit her squarely in the stomach, blowing the air out of her and knocking her unconscious.

Asuna blinked. Okay, now that had been pretty badass...

An impression quickly ruined when he made his best Kaga Ai impression and began to bow to the knocked out girl, time and time again, frantically apologizing, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to—! Well, I meant to, but I didn't want to—! It's just...! My students' safety—!"

"Sensei, it's okay," Chisame sighed, rubbing his left shoulder. "Thank you. I'm sure not even Kuga-sempai will hold this against you."

"Here, Sis! Your card!" Chamo offered the proof of the Pactio to Asuna, who received it with a curious blink. Chisame and Negi looked at it as well, noticing it showed Asuna in her school uniform, with a band aid on a cheek, smiling and half turned around, holding a huge sword up.

_Cagurazaca Asuna._

Bellatrix Sauciata.

"Huh, so this really works..." Kagurazaka marveled at the existence itself of the card. "And I get a cool sword like this, too? With no stupid dress like Chisame's?" she guessed.

"Yeah, basically, once you activate the Card," Chamo nodded.

"EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING A RIDICULOUS DRESS! IT WASN'T AS IF I PICKED IT PERSONALLY!" Chisame growled.

"Fine, fine. Whatever," she looked up and down at the Card. "And how do I activate it?"

Negi already had grabbed a protesting Chamo and turned around with him, looking away. "Just... just hold it and say _Adeat_ "

She doubted, but Chisame made an urging gesture at her, and she decided, since she had gone that far, there was no point on not following on it.

Asuna held the card higher and shouted, "By the Power of Greyskull!"

Chisame glared knives at her.

A dumb giggle. "Sorry. Always wanted to do that." She repeated the procedure, now much more seriously. _"Adeat!"_

* * *

 

**Act 16:**

And then, after the obligatory flash of light and the disappearance and reappearance of her clothes (Chisame wondered why it had happened that time as well, since it was exactly the same school uniform Kagurazaka had worn before), Asuna found herself feeling much stronger than ever before... and with a giant folded paper fan between her hands.

After a few moments of stupefied silence, Asuna glared at Chamo. "Eh, weasel..."

"Ah?" the animal sweated a single huge drop.

"What the heck does this mean?-!" the redhead yelled. "I was promised a sword! Instead, I get this stupid looking _harisen_? What am I supposed to do, engage in a comedy routine with the monster when we find it?-!"

"I-I have no idea what went wrong!" Chamo said. "Maybe you didn't kiss the right way! Why don't you do it again?"

"No way!" Asuna huffed, piping mad. "Forget it! I'll take my chances with this. It's still kinda a weapon, isn't it?"

"Okay," Negi sighed. "Then let's make a beeline for the campus before nightfall, only fighting the 'Orphan' if we find it along the way. It's getting dark, but I'd still give us at least half an hour before the sun fully sets. Any of you have an idea if we can reach the campus on foot before that?"

Both girls shook their heads.

"We got too deep into the forest while fleeing those things," Asuna groaned. "I admit I'm lost as hell."

"I've never been around here before. I doubt anyone but Kaede, the twins and Mana knows the exact way from here to Mahora," Chisame completed.

"Tsk!" Chamo grinned, waving a furry finger. "Leave it to me! My keen animal senses will take care of that!"

He stood up on his hindquarters, smelt on the breeze carefully, then pointed southwards. "THE CLOSEST PAIR OF PANTIES IS THAT WAY!"

All three humans fell flat on their faces.

"I... I guess it's the results that count..." Chisame worked back to her feet.

"What will we do with Kuga-san?" Negi doubted. "We can't leave her here! She saved our lives back there!"

"Sensei, I can't carry her all the way, you can't either, never mind Chamo, and Asuna will need both hands free to fight our way through," Chisame told him. "We can't bring her with us yet. I don't like leaving her behind either, but what else can we do?"

"But— But—!" he protested.

She patted his right shoulder. "She'll be okay. No one ever comes this way, and even if they did, she can defend herself when she wakes up. Plus, what if we carry her and she wakes up and attacks us?"

"She's right, you know," Asuna nodded. "Let's go, Negi. There's no time to waste."

"Well…" he said, still not sounding convinced. They all ran back into the woods, which immediately came alive again, reassuming the attack on them from all sides. However, Asuna's fan proved to be much more efficient than it looked. With each swing, she pulverized the obstacles into tiny shreds even faster and more decisively than before, and with the added bonus of extra reach. Combined with Negi's spells and Chisame's blasts, they were having a much easier time now, even without Kuga's help.

"We're really doing it!" Asuna grinned while running after Chamo's sniffing lead. "Yeah, I think I could get used to this!"

But then the ermine stopped right on his tracks, the youngsters all screeching to a halt behind him.

"Oh, no," Negi said.

"Sora," Chisame panted, her mouth curving down again. "Sora, listen to me! Try to fight whatever is controlling you! I'm your sister! Neither of us should harm the other!"

The three girls blocking their way just grinned devilishly.

"The master is here," Fumika crooned.

"You're ours," Fuuka continued.

"The Green is alive. The Green shall claim this world," Sora chanted.

Rising up from behind them, floating up into the sights of Negi and his students, the small 'Orphan' looked down at them with its sharp dead eyes, making absolutely no sound at all. Then its short, stubby arms extended themselves into impossibly long thorny green whips, and they lashed ahead at them.

* * *

 

**Act 17:**

As the tendrils lashed down at them, Chamo was, perhaps not surprisingly, the first casualty. The humans barely managed to scramble out of the way in time, but the small animal was left behind long enough to fall prey to a vine tentacle that lifted him high up into the air, squeezing him tightly.

"Chamo!" Negi cried out, already preparing a spell but unsure of where to aim, since the tendril was swinging around wildly, making it hard to aim at a single particular spot.

"Bro, help meee!" the ermine pleaded as he was held into an extremely suggestive arching position. "Ooohhhh, wait... this is actually..." he moaned as he was twisted in a rather unlikely fashion, "... kinda kinky..." He gasped while the vines further tied him into a S&M-reminiscing manner, "Ah, I might get to like this..."

Asuna and Chisame's eyebrows quivered.

"Hasn't that thing ever attempted to molest you at night?" Asuna asked.

"He's still alive, isn't he?" Chisame asked back. "Look out!"

The twins jumped at them with a combined kick attack, but Asuna managed to block it with her fan, batting them aside while trying to hold herself back from actually hurting them. The hostile creature controlling them hovered closer, and Chisame attempted to blast it with her scepter, only for it to elude with relative ease, then catching her in a suddenly lashing tangle of vines that held her firmly in place. "Sensei!" she called out, a vine twisting her right wrist and attempting to make her drop her weapon.

"Hold on, Chisame-san!" Negi rushed to the rescue, only for Sora to take advantage of his distraction and tackle him from behind, a web of tendrils quickly wrapping itself around both of them, spraying spores all over him.

"Negi!" Asuna dashed for him, but she immediately had her way blocked by more plants. She whacked her way through with mad determination, but for each one she struck down, two more seemed to sprout from the ground. Stubbornly, she kept on hitting left and right, doing her best to keep them at bay. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Chisame was being bathed by spores as well, coughing and shaking as the green spots began to cover her skin. "Damn it! Guys, I need your help! I can't do this alone!"

Negi coughed as well, gripping his staff tightly, feeling dizzy and nauseous, the vine around his neck almost choking him while pushing his head back, Sora clutching to his back, further weighing him down with a devilish smile.

The back of his neck itched. It nearly burned, sending shivers of fire pumping through his veins. Something buzzed in the back of his head. He relaxed his body for a moment, going numb, almost surrendering down to the crushing weight coming both from his inside and his outsides. And then he heard Chisame's tiny, choked, suffocated voice, "Sen... sei..."

"Don't give up, Chisame!" Asuna stomped and pummeled ahead, whacking a path for herself with renewed vitality. "I'm almost there! I'll save you!"

Negi clenched his teeth, opening his eyes again, pulling his arms up, yanking on the vines with newfound energy, huffing and puffing loudly. "You won't... YOU WON'T HURT MY STUDENTS!"

Sora blinked as the vines actually snapped, and then the boy under her pulled himself out of her grasp, violently, even, making her to fall on her face into the grass as she lost the support of his body. "JOVIS... TEMPESTAS... FULGURIENS!" he roared, swinging his staff ahead and striking at the 'Orphan' with a full on lightning bolt on its rounded face. The creature made an aching, shrill sound, loosening its vines enough to allow Chisame drop down into an expecting Negi's arms below.

She coughed again, then weakly smiled, looking up at his face, reaching with a hand to softly stroke her fingers against his now greenish skin. "Sensei... Not you, too..."

He shakily smiled back. "I'm sorry... I couldn't do more..." His voice was slightly broken, even as it recovered from its short outburst of anger, sounding somewhat spaced out and unstable now.

The 'Orphan' swooped back down for them, baring a few sharp unevenly shaped teeth from the corners of its small mouth, but was stopped in midair when Chisame jerked an arm up and shot it with the scepter. "Asuna... *kaff*... now!"

"Okay!" a glint appeared in Kagurazaka's green eye, as she took impulse, then ran ahead and jumped as high as she could, swinging the harinsen around and hitting the 'Orphan' directly at the middle of its body, barely giving it any time to make a few jerky motions before exploding in a shower of emerald sparks. Asuna then perfectly landed on her feet behind Chisame and Negi, breathing hard. "10 POINTS!" she congratulated herself. "CRITICAL HIT! IT'S SUPER-EFFECTIVE!"

The vines holding Chamo suddenly dissolved into a mass of dark green puddle, roughly dropping him down into a mudhole. "Ahhhhh! And I was so close, too!" he cried.

Asuna stared at him. "Close to WHAT?"

"Ewww…" Chisame 'ewww'ed.

He sighed, shaking his head. "If I have to explain it to you, you wouldn't get it anyway..."

* * *

 

**Act 18:**

A few moments of regaining their breath and composing themselves quietly followed, before Chisame remembered she actually still was in a kneeing, panting and sweaty Negi's arms, and that was only when he gently lowered her down to the ground, almost collapsing on top of her due to the physical strain. She blinked, and then only ran a hand through his hair, calmly petting him. "Rest easy. I'm... proud of you, Sensei. I really am..."

Asuna snorted, despite being smiling at them. "Oh, this is rich. And here I thought Iincho had it bad, but who'd have thought you of all people would be the one to—"

Chisame glared at her. "Look, not that I'm not thankful, but I don't mock you, so I don't want you to—"

"Kidding! Just kidding!" Asuna interrupted her with a laugh. After that, she brushed her fingers over one of Hasegawa's cheeks. "Hey, look, the spots are vanishing. Looks like the deal is off once that thing is dead. Weirdly convenient, but I'm not complaining!"

Chisame carefully examined the dozed Negi's face, seeing he also was going back to normal. "You're right, thank God. Maybe now Sora... SORA!" she gasped, looking around for her sister. "How is she? Where is she?"

She finally found her lying in a mess of slimy green, covered by a puddle of melting and withering vines, weakly coughing while crawling ahead. Her head bobbed up to both sides as her voice still croaked with a few final vestiges of the will of the being controlling her.

"It's coming. It's coming..." she muttered over and over.

"Sora, relax. Breath deeper. We're going to heal you," Chisame promised, carefully setting Negi aside and approaching her. Sora just groaned and slapped away the hand she was offering her.

"What's coming?" Asuna humorlessly asked.

"The end," the voice speaking through Sora's throat threatened. "The worlds will die. The Green suffers. Soon you too," she gurgled before dropping down on her face. "Soon you too," she finished before it died at last, and she fell into blissful unconsciousness.

"... Yeah, right. Crazy thing," Asuna dismissed it.

"Sora!" Chisame tried to pick her up, shaking her up in panic. "Sora, don't die on me like this!"

"She'll be okay..." Negi promised, blinking groggily and getting back to his feet, placing a hand on his roommate's right shoulder. "Asuna-san, how are the twins?"

Asuna was kneeling down next to the Narutakis, who had also fallen asleep after the 'Orphan's' demise. She touched their foreheads and checked their breathing. "I think they aren't in any danger. Hey, do you think they'll remember any of this when they wake up?"

"If they do, they'll simply get their memories erased, won't they?" a voice cynically asked from between the now quiet trees. They all looked there to see Kuga Natsuki, seemingly back to normal, with barely any spots left on her. She spoke with gruff annoyance bordering utter loathing. "That's what mages do. Erasing their traces like cowards."

Asuna stayed perfectly still for a moment before asking Negi, "You erase memories?"

He cringed uncomfortably. "I'm supposed to do that if I'm ever found out, but..."

"You won't erase my memory, you damned brat!" Asuna shielded her head with her hands. "Like I don't have enough gaps in it as it is!"

"You do?" Chisame asked with genuine curiosity.

"None of your biz!" Asuna growled.

"Relax, he won't be erasing anything as long as you don't tell anyone," her classmate told her. "Right, Sensei?"

"Um, right," he turned back to Natsuki and bowed. "My most sincere thanks, Kuga-san. Without you, we'd have been subdued for sure back there..."

Chamo jumped up. "Hey, hey, Biker-sis! Wouldn't you like having a Pactio with my Bro too? I can tell you're a real scrapper! The Bro could use someone with your skills at his side, and surely you could use his help as well!"

She sneered, angrily. "I'll never partner up with a mage. I hate mages more than anything else in the world."

She curtly turned around and began to stomp away.

Negi, his students and his pet all stood frozen in confusion for a moment, before Chamo protested, "B-B-But why?-!"

She stopped, abruptly looking back at them. "You really want to know? Fine. Eight years ago... my mother was murdered by a mage."

Negi jerked back in horrified shock, his face going blank white. Chisame gulped aloud, instinctively tightening Sora's body against herself. Asuna only looked stupefied, and Chamo's jaw hit the grass.

"My mother conducted research into unexplained phenomena all over the world, the handiwork of your people, " Kuga icily told Negi. "They found her and erased her memories more than once, but she was smarter than you. She would always keep copies and backups of her labors, stashed away with people she could trust... or so she thought. Time after time she would restart, because she truly believed we all had a right to know. She was a brave and selfless woman, who never harmed a soul. Until that day..." she growled, "When a stranger broke into our home..."

She looked away, her right hand trembling as it gripped one of her guns much tighter. "I have my reasons to believe my mother's murderer may be on these grounds. I don't know who it could be, but when I meet that person... I'll avenge her, no matter who it is," she promised, with the intensity of someone who has nothing left to lose.

"D-Don't say such nonsense!" Asuna sputtered. "As if the Dean would ever hide a murderer in here!"

Natsuki briefly rubbed her eyes before looking at her again, in a sharp, nearly hateful, way. "Why? Because he's been so nice to you? Because of the infinite goodness of his heart? Do you think he's taken care of you just because he's that good a person?"

Asuna frowned very deeply. "As if he ever could have any other motive. There's nothing special about me at all. I'm nothing but an orphan with nothing to offer to someone like him!"

Kuga shrugged callously and started to walk away once more. "Maybe you're right."

"Kuh—- KUGA-SAN!" Negi could finally call out.

"Yeah?"

"You're wrong! There must be some mistake! We never would have done such a thing! Mages are here to help mankind, not to hurt anyone!" he protested.

Again, she gave him a low key, mildly threatening glare. "My beef isn't with you. You were little more than a baby when... that happened. But if you ever get in my way, I won't give it a second thought before pushing you aside..."

He still shouted, "Mages aren't enemies of mankind! No matter what you may think, I know you must be in a mistake! Reconsider it! Don't ruin your life following a road of revenge!"

She humphed and took her glare away. "You shouldn't talk, brat. You're as obsessed with your father as I'm with my mother."

He paled anew. "H-How do you—"

Chisamed asked her, "If you hate mages so much, why to help a mage right now?"

"It was nothing but a favor to a common friend," she droned, quickly disappearing between the trees. "But for your own sake, forget this all ever happened. We all will be better off that way."

They all remained in baffled silence for long tense moments after her depart, a silence only broken by Asuna finally shaking a fist and barking, "You loon! Konoka's grandpa would never do such a thing!"

"That…" Chisame considered. "That was probably the most racist thing I've heard. Seriously, that's like hating all… oh, Jews or Americans because one of them hurt you. Seriously, what sort of damaged person would harbor such irrational hatred for a group of people just because of the actions of one of them?"

_Somewhere, Batman, Magneto, thousands of villains with lousy attempts at sympathetic revenged-based backstories and a pair of Uchihas all sneezed._

As Negi continued silent and unmoving, perplexed, Chisame sighed and put her card on her forehead. "I suppose I can call Misora up for a lift now..."

Chamo looked around, seeming suddenly tense and worried again. "Better hurry up, Sis. I have this odd sensation we're still are being watched..."

Deeper into the woods, Tsunetsuki Matoi leaned against a tree trunk and inhaled deeply, cold sweat running down her forehead.

The stalker had suffered through long hours of aimlessly wandering across the hills looking for her beloved little Negi, until finally stumbling into the odd chance of seeing him and those really weird girls from afar, fighting a tiny monster for their very lives. And using what obviously was magic.

What was happening there? Was she going insane? Were the counselors right after all? Was this a computer simulation, and next she'd be asked to pick the red pill or the blue one?

She dropped down to her knees, trembling violently for a few minutes, unable to move away or act, overwhelmed by the revelation. Long minutes passed.

Slowly, she smiled to herself.

Ooohhhhh, that only made him **even more** attractive... !

She was sure he'd tell her when the right moment came.

* * *

 

**Act 19:**

Sora could have sworn she heard someone whispering random things about magic and secrets as she woke up. Even so, her ears still rang too much, and her head still felt too heavy and aching, for her to trust anything her numbed senses were picking up as she struggled to get up, sitting on the bed and allowing the covers to drop off her torso and onto her lap. She rubbed her scalp with a hand, wondering why exactly it still ached so much.

Then she realized she was not alone when Chisame almost jumped onto her, wrapping her in a hug the likes of which they had not shared since they were little children. "Sora...!"

"Uh? Hm?" she fumbled around for her glasses, sneaking an arm out of her younger sister's tight grasp, feeling around until she found them over a nearby night stand. With a clumsy motion, she put them on and was able to see all the young faces gathered around her.

"Hakase-san, " she recognized Chisame's roommate, whom she had met last year. "Is this your—" she looked around and noticed all the spare parts, computer equipment, and what looked suspiciously like a canister with radiation hazards symbols on it filling up the place. "Yes, still the same, I see..." she said, slowly blinking.

Negi smiled, looking at the good natured and awkward demeanor of the older Hasegawa. Now that was much more like the girl he had spoken with over the phone. A warm, well-intentioned person who just happened to fall short of her younger sister's expectations. He was pretty sure the influence was over right then.

"Sora-san," he greeted with a polite bow. "It's nice to meet you in person. I'm Negi Springfield, Chisame-san's homeroom teacher."

The young woman looked at him in awe. "My God, you're even younger than I expected..." she mouthed before stuttering, "I-I mean no offense! It's great for someone of your age to have achieved that much!"

The one of the twins lying at her side got up groggily almost at the exact same time, rubbing her head. "Waiii, what happened to us...?" Fumika whined.

Next to her, Fuuka frowned and snuggled closer, trying to pull her down back into the bed. "Fumika, not yet.." she murmured. "Nee-chan needs her snuggles…"

"NEE-CHAN!" Fumika practically shrieked. "WAKE UP!"

Fuuka winced, but was persuaded to open her eyes. "Ow, my head… what did Kaede-neechan give us and what and how many times did we do it as a result…? The last thing I remember is walking through the forest, and stumbling on a root..."

"The three of you inhaled a mildly toxic spore from a very rare variety of local wild plant," Hakase explained, technically telling them the truth. "We have managed to purge said toxins out of your system, in a way I'd be highly interested in explaining but I've been told you most likely won't have the next eight hours available for. In short, I would suggest not venturing out into the wilderness alone and without a guide again. Oh, and also, I advice a good long night of rest and one daily dose of these suppositories for the next week..." she held up a small box.

Sora, Fuuka and Fumika all paled in horror.

"Ahem," Misa coughed, trying to change the subject. "Anyway, it's good to see you're all okay. Do you remember me, Sora-neechan? I'm Kakizaki Misa, captain of the cheerleading team! We gave a really cool show for the assembled parents and relatives last time you were here! You remember it, don't you?"

Sora looked at her for a few minutes before mutely shrugging in admission of her ignorance. Misa briefly looked perplexed, then drooped her shoulders down with a weary sigh. "We poured all our hearts into that routine..."

"I'm very sorry," Sora sincerely lamented.

"Misa-chan, where are Sakurako-chan and Madoka-chan?" Fuuka asked.

"At practice," Misa quickly lied.

"And why aren't you too?" Fumika questioned.

"Because I'm that damn good."

"Who found us in the forest?" Fuuka wanted to know. "Mana-chan?"

"A sempai who happened to be walking around there," Misora said from where she sat lounging with Cocone on Negi's rarely-used-anymore futon. "Kaga, wasn't it?"

"Kuga," Asuna corrected, standing near the bed with her arms crossed.

"The biker girl?" Fuuka blinked.

"She's a bit scary," Fumika added, "But now I guess she's a good person after all..."

"Oh my God!" Sora gasped in visible terror. "NOW I REMEMBER!"

"WHAT?-!" Negi, Chisame, Asuna, Hakase, Misora, Misa, and even Cocone all cried out at once.

"I... I.." she hugged her little sister back, even more tightly, and bawled, "I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY'S TODAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHIU-CHAN!"

Misora's eyebrows twitched. "... Chiu-chan?"

Sora sniffed loudly. "Y-Yeah, that was the nickname we gave her when she was little. She couldn't pronounce 'Chisame' until she was—"

"THERE YOU ARE AGAIN, REVEALING SAYING TOO MUCH!" Chisame quickly pulled back. "PLEASE, SORA...!"

"S-S-Sorry..." her sister sniffed. "I suppose I got carried away again..."

"Chiu? Like the famous, glamorous, totally hot Internet idol?" Misa put a finger on her chin. "What a coincidence. Come to think about it, you even look a bit alike..."

Chisame choked in her saliva.

"You are a Chiu fan, Misa-san?" Negi asked her.

"Totally. You too, Negi-kun?" the cheerleader grinned. "The girls and I take all sorts of neat ideas for dresses and stuff out of her webpage. Her beauty tips are very useful, too..."

Misora chuckled in a devilish way. "Yeah, I agree. You could take a few, Chisame. I'm sure they'd help you with those skin problems of yours..."

"Man, that's one girl I'd be lesbian for," Misa continued to reminisce. "She's totally a CILF."

"CILF?" Misora prompted, grin growing wider.

"Yeah. Chick I'd Like to Fu–"

"WE HAVE MINORS IN THE ROOM! "Chisame cried, doing her best to hold her fists at her sides, forcing herself to keep the veins on her head down.

Sora looked at the sprinter and her small companion. "Forgive my bad memory, but who are you, again?"

"I'm Kasuga Misora, track and field star, and this is my little buddy Cocone-chan," she proudly patted the dark skinned child's head as she waved a hand quietly.

"My pleasure," Sora bowed and turned her attentions to Asuna. "And, you—?"

"Kagurazaka Asuna!" the redhead vivaciously replied, before smiling widely and fondly saying, "One of Chisame's friends."

"I see," the college student nodded. "Chisame-chan?"

"Yes?" she grumbled.

"I'm so happy for you. In the last year, you've made so many good friends. More than me, I must admit," she reached up with a hand, softly caressing Chisame's right temple. "I'm sorry I've been such a weak, useless older sister. I know you deserved better. I even stayed away because I knew I was weak, and I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me ever again. I never should have done that," she lowered her face ruefully. "I was negligent and stupid, a true failure as a sister. I bet I even lost that cake I was bringing over for you when I fainted..."

Asuna nodded, holding Sora's handbag up and pulling out a crumpled down, ruined white box with a cake sign painted on it.

Sora sulked down even more. "I just knew it...!"

"Now, now, don't be so sad," Negi tried to cheer her up. "We already had some cake ready here..."

Fuuka pouted. "Sensei, you're so bad! And you too, Chiu-chan! You were going to have a birthday party complete with cake without inviting us!"

"Don't call me 'Chiu-chan'!" Chisame protested. _Oh god, it's going to spread…!_

"It was going to be a simple private celebration. Chisame usually prefers it that way..." Satomi spoke up again.

"But that's boring!" Fumika said. "Let's bring on Kaede-neechan and Konoka-chan, and Iincho and everyone else!"

"Yeah!" Fuuka cried. "Let's get _wild_! And if certain things end up developing…"

"We have neither the space nor the cake for that many people!" Chisame stated.

Then someone knocked at the front door. "I'll get it," Negi said, going to open it and finding Ako and Akira at the doorstep, the tall swimmer holding another, middle-sized cake between her hands.

"Good evening," the assistant nurse shyly said, keeping her arms crossed behind her back. "We hope we aren't intruding, Sensei, but after learning Chisame-san's birthday was tonight, we decided to bring her something for her. It isn't much, but it's the best we could do in such a short notice..."

Fuuka peeked over at them, making a gigantic mischievous grin. "Now there's enough cake for everyone! Let's call on all the class! Class 2-A, ASSEM-BLE!"

"Absolutely not!" Chisame shouted.

"Come on!" Fumika pleaded. "We promise you'll have lots of fun!"

"Yeah!" Fuuka agreed, clamping on to her sister from behind and grinning up at Chisame. " _Lots_ of fun…"

"Your ideas of fun and mine are incompatible!" the youngest Hasegawa barked.

"You won't know for sure until you've tried it, Chiu-chan!" Fuuka teased, winking as she held her blushing sister tighter. "Who knows? You and Sora-neechan might end up really bonding!-!-!"

"I told you to stop using that name with me!" _It's going to spread, and keep spreading… I should have thrown the brat out the window the first chance I got…_

All the while, Sora simply smiled happily.

Chisame hadn't been that lively in nearly a decade.

* * *

 

**Act 20:**

After the small (thanks to Chisame's continued efforts on keeping it that way) celebration had finished, and Ako, Akira, Fuuka and Fumika had left, Sora had excused herself to take a shower, Chisame had taken the opportunity to gather everyone away from her sister and continue debating the points they had been touching on as Sora and the twins slept.

"Then, what are we going to do about this? I don't want to sound like a broken record, but Kuga sounded awfully serious about her beliefs," she whispered. "I don't think we can discard the fact of another evil mage being on the loose at these grounds, especially after the incident with Eva."

"What if Eva herself was the one who killed Kuga-sempai's mother?" Misa asked, also keeping her voice low.

"I dunno, she said she didn't kill women or children, and the stories about her tend to agree on that part," Misora muttered. "Plus Kuga said it happened eight years go. Evangeline says she's been stuck here for longer. Besides, what motive could she have? She's the kind who'd _want_ someone like a paranormal investigator to know about her so she can strike terror into people's hearts."

"What? What?" Asuna blinked without a clue. "Evangeline's a wizard too?"

"A centuries old vampire witch," Cocone nodded.

Asuna grimaced. "No, really, what the hell? What's next? Chizuru is a Nazi? Zazie is a demon? Madoka is one of the mole people? Chao is an alien? Nodoka is a boy in disguise? Chachamaru is a robot?"

Satomi scowled. "Chachamaru IS a robotic life-form."

"She IS?-!" Kagurazaka's jaw fell.

Satomi scowled even more for a second before suddenly brightening up with a huge smile. "So! She IS convincing enough to pass for a human!"

"No, everyone in our class is just too self-absorbed to pay attention to the fact she has metal where her ears should be," Chisame said.

"Enough nonsense!" Misora waved a hand. "Look, Chisame, I'm with Asuna on one thing; no way the Dean would allow a murderer to stay at campus under his protection. No two ways about it."

"Exactly!" the redhead nodded.

"But what if he doesn't know that person is a killer?" Misa asked them.

"As if," Kasuga snorted. "He may look goofy and absent minded, but in reality, he has freaking eyes on his back. Nothing escapes him."

"He did a whole lot of nothing when Evangeline attacked us," Chisame pointed out. "Honestly, he's not Dumbledore! I doubt he knows _everything_ that's happening on campus and has some kind of elaborate plan to wipe out the forces of evil by gathering the Hocruxes!-!"

"Then..." Negi finally spoke up again, hesitant and sounding troubled once more, "Who do you think killed Kuga-san's mother?"

"We can't know with so little info on it," Misora shrugged. "How does she even know it was a mage anyway? Did she even get to see that person at all?"

"She didn't say, but I guess she either got a bad look or nothing at all. Otherwise, that's not the kind of face you'd easily forget," Chisame replied. "Unless someone just _told_ her. If it happened eight years ago, then she'd be young and impressionable and do something really stupid like swear vengeance for the rest of her life."

Batman, an Uchiha, several hundred angsty avenger types and Negi all sneezed. (Un)fortunately, Misora had been quick enough to smother his face with a pillow, and no one lost their clothes.

"Trust me, you don't want to see him _really_ sneeze," Chisame told a staring Asuna.

"Well, we can't do anything about it without knowing more than that," Misora said, throwing down the pillow.

"You're right!" Negi stood up with determination. "Then, let's find the truth about it!"

"Th-That's not what I wanted to mean!" Kasuga gasped. "Why don't we let it pass? It's none of our business! Maybe she'll just get over it by herself!"

"Now I really can agree with you," the birthday girl nodded, resting her back against a wall. "Trying to look for someone whose already killed once screams Darwin Award levels of stupidity."

"Besides, angsty-avenger types like that tend to get real annoyed when they think you're interfering or, heaven forbid, trying to get them the psychiatric help they need!" Asuna said. Everyone looked at her. "What? Konoka's library club, Haruna sometimes comes over, some things rubbed off…"

"But as a mage, my duty is to help those with grave problems, and she's my student too... at least when she attends classes..." Negi pouted.

"Hooo boy, there we go. When he puts his mind on something, there's no stopping him," Misa chuckled before giving Asuna a sidelong glance. "Welcome to the team in any case, Asuna-chan."

The taller girl grimaced. "Team? Whoa, whoa, aren't you going too fast here?"

"We're Sensei's helpers!" Misa smiled, patting Negi's head with a hand.

"Harem," Cocone whispered under her breath.

Misora looked at her. "Did you just say something?"

"Nothing."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Asuna-san, but since you already know about the world of magic, maybe you would like to learn more about it, " Negi offered. "These things are best either untouched or explored all the way, as long as it's done in a safe manner," he cautioned. "But if an incident like today's ever happens again, it pays off to be well prepared and knowing what to do."

"Wow…" Misa said, drooling slightly. "That kinda reminds me about that lecture with the banana and cond–"

Chisame threw the pillow at her.

"So, it's actual magic, huh..." Asuna looked mildly interested now. "Can I use magic to win Takahata-sensei's love?"

"Using magic for such ends is never a good idea..." Negi said. "I mean, Shakespeare wrote a play about it and everything, we're actually taking it up in class soon…"

"But it can be done, right?" Asuna pressed on.

"Yes, it can!" Chamo devilishly sweetened the deal.

"Then I'm in!" Kagurazaka smirked.

"You're 'in' what?" Sora peeked her head out of the bathroom while toweling her wet hair off.

"N-Nothing!" Chisame stammered as everyone else bit their tongues. "Just planning our, uh, club activities for the weekend!"

"I thought you didn't belong to a club, Chisame..." her sister blinked.

"It's a club we've just formed!" Misa piped in. "The, hmm, Society for— for—"

"We are the British Culture Research Club," Cocone calmly stated. "As a native of that country, Negi-sensei acts as our current sponsor and leader figure."

"Oh," the college student paused before smiling, "That sounds very, uh, cool! It's great you have those interests! Very formative!" she approved before pulling herself back into the bath.

The group breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"You really have to work on your cover stories more," Cocone suggested.

* * *

 

**Interlude Zwei: Konoka Again**

"Where IS Asuna?-!" Konoka fretted. "Her dinner's stone cold!"

Setsuna decided that Asuna would have hell to pay for making Konoka sad…

* * *

 

**Act 21:**

Sora found the bed to be too small for her liking.

She lay with her eyes open and fixed on the ceiling above, with Chisame lying at her left, facing away from her and toward the wall, occasionally making small mouth motions, as if trying to chew or kiss something. She still slept the same way as when she was a child. Quiet and silent, but still restless in her own subdued way.

Then the college student felt something worming into the upper bunk, startling her. Chisame stirred and half opened her eyes, quickly finding the small figure crawling between them amidst the darkness. "Ah. Never mind. Just Sensei," she yawned indifferently. "Does that all the time. Used to sleep with his sister."

"Sis," Negi exhaled contently as he rolled towards Chisame, who mechanically opened her arms to welcome him against her body. Sora stared, in slight shock, as the child relaxed onto her sister's frame, the teenager cradling him in a loose embrace. Chisame had always rejected physical contact of any kind.

Yet, the older girl said nothing as they both fell fully asleep again. She only kept on looking, and thinking and thinking, until finally, with a relenting sigh, she cuddled closer and wrapped a protecting arm around them, resting her chin on the top of Chisame's head. Slowly, she allowed herself to fall into a deep sleep as well…

Then started as another body suddenly caused the bunk to shift, and Hakase came in on Chisame's other side. The scientist cuddled behind the other girl, instantly falling asleep, muttering indistinct words. What was that about cherry blossoms?

Sora just _had_ to wonder what exactly would have gone on if she hadn't been there…

_Elsewhere, at the same time:_

Shiho sighed as she and Mana continued scanning the forest area from their hiding spot, her tall Sempai still waiting and watching, scanning the area with her night vision binoculars while always keeping her sniper rifle ready and in position.

"Oneesama..." the small girl finally let a whine out.

"What?" Tatsumiya whispered.

"Are you sure this is really the last place where the 'Orphan' was sighted?"

"Yes."

Shiho paused, rubbed her sleepy eyes, and added, "Well, I don't know about you, but I have a hunch it must have gone somewhere else in the woods..."

"Those random explosions could have been anything… probably that Daidouji girl and her friend setting off fireworks and making videos again…"

* * *

 

**Act 22:**

Next day, after classes, Misa excused herself to the other cheerleaders again before going to rejoin Negi and the other Pactio partners at the train station. Asuna clearly looked as if she had no idea what was she doing there, but still chose to stay as Hasegawa Sora said her goodbyes to everyone.

"Goodbye, Hakase-san. Please keep on looking after Chisame," she told the genius, squeezing her hands with concern.

"I will," Satomi nodded with a perfectly serious expression on her face.

"It's the other way around!" Chisame snorted.

"Negi-sensei, promise me no matter what, you'll stay at Chisame's side, guiding her in my absence," the amateur mechanic asked the boy next, now squeezing his shoulders tightly.

"Of course!" he firmly said. "Um, that is unless I get fired or something…"

Then Sora addressed the others. "Kasuga-san, Cocone-chan, Kagurazaka-san, Kakizaki-san... Please tell the twins goodbye for me. I had a real lot of fun with them, and they shouldn't beat themselves up over what happened."

"I'm sure they aren't going to," Chisame huffed.

Her older sister sadly smiled at her. "Chisame..."

"Yeah, what?"

Sora grabbed her in a surprise bear hug, sniffing loudly. "Continue being such a lovely lady, I beg you. You have some wonderful friends, so don't ever let them down. Please, succeed where I failed. Keep the love of all those around you."

Chisame's face twitched for a few moments, then she pushed Sora back. "P-Please! You're embarrassing me!"

Then she looked at the wetness on her sister's eyes, despite her clumsy attempts to wipe it off before she realized it, and she regretted her words, lowering her head. "I mean... you aren't a failure. So... stop treating yourself like one."

She hesitated, then lunged ahead to hug Sora back. "You aren't a failure. Your friends are weird too, but I'm sure they love you for what you are. Stop berating yourself over everything. In truth... I don't hold anything against you."

"Chisame..." she gasped, the wetness returning in full force.

"The train's about to depart," Cocone quietly observed.

"That's your cue," Chisame briefly pecked her sister's forehead, then all but pushed her away. "C'mon, it's not like we'll never meet again. I'll need your signed authorization for the class trip, so let yourself drop by again in a few weeks, okay?"

"Huh? Why not to ask Mom and—"

"I'm not **that** desperate," Chisame icily commented. "Take care, Sora."

"Yeah. You too, Chisame-chan."

As the train disappeared in the distance, not even Misora, Misa and Chamo dared to say anything about the wetness on Chisame's face as she continued waving goodbye.

"I love you," she whispered, believing she was far enough for no one to listen.

"I love you, Imouto-chan," Sora whispered while sinking down into her seat, rubbing her eyes for a few minutes before perking up in alert. "Oh, no! I forgot Tamiya-sempai's cake!"

* * *

 

**Epilogue**

That night. Elsewhere at Mahora.

"Oneesama, for the last time, please, before you do anything you'll regret! Are you sure about this?"

"The new Grail War is all upon us. The end times are coming, Sakura," the pigtailed young woman in the short black skirt and the tight red sweater spoke sternly, her green eyes shining sharply. "The omens are clear! Twilight had a movie run! Simon Cowell really left American Idol! They finally released that movie based on the 4th Light Novel in that series by Tanigawa Nagaru! There is no escape. When the World of Magic comes crashing down, it'll drag its mortal sibling with itself. The only thing any of us can do is to stand and fight. And for that, I'll need a strong Servant, the best of them all. Only through our victory and mastery over the Holy Grail, will we manage to turn the tides in time."

The younger, bustier girl behind her sighed with resignation. "Whatever you say, Onee-sama. Though…"

"What now?"

"Do we have to do this in the living room? We might break the TV!"

"Oh, for pity's sake…!"

The next several minutes were spent constructively moving the TV a safe distance away. Their dormitory consisted of a single small building only for the two of them. Such were the advantages of coming from such a prestigious, powerful family. No one would disturb the ritual. Tohsaka Rin took her place in the center of the large circle drawn on the floor and closed her eyes, extending a fist up and holding an open book at her other hand, despite the fact she recited the lines from memory.

_"Let thy body rest under my dominion, let my Fate rest in thy blade. If thou submittest to the call of the Holy Grail and if thou wilt obey this mind, this reason, then thou shalt respond.""_

Sakura stared, aghast and yet prey to a morbid, wide-eyed fascination, at how the marks appeared on the back of her older sister's closed right fist. Rin's skirt fluttered up as the air around them grew heavier, smelling slightly of gas, and the circle beneath her began to faintly glow in scarlet. She actually was doing it!

" _I make my oath here. I am that person who is to become the virtue of all Heavens. I am that person who is covered with the evil of all Hades. Thou seven heavens, clad in a trinity of words, come past thy restraining rings, and be thou the hands that protect the balance-!"_

The red haze grew almost blinding as Rin tightened the fist up and squeezing the sharp gem in her palm, a single drop of blood falling from her hand, touching the circle and making it burn to life, its blinding light engulfing Rin for a second, forcing Sakura to step back.

And then their roof exploded with an earth shaking boom.

A few blocks away, Negi woke up, blinked groggily, and looked through the nearest window. "Izzat a sudden magic outburst...?" he mumbled.

Chisame grumbled and pulled him back into the bed. "Shaddap an' sleep. We've a long day ahead tomorrow..."

As Sakura regained her sight, she saw her sister sitting flat on her butt, her hair a mess, a few steps away, staring at the column of dark purple smoke right under the hole at their roof, and the small figure standing on the middle of said smoke.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night..." a voice called from there.

"A Vigilante class!" Rin guessed with a panicked, yes, panicked gulp the likes of which Sakura had never heard from her. "A Vigilante class! But... But I wanted a Saber!"

"I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares!" the voice continued, a long purple cape flapping around dissipating the smoke away.

"Vigilantes are good for search, capture and sabotage assignments, but they aren't exactly the best fighters! Not like StrikerS!" Rin lectured as if Sakura didn't know any of that already, although it didn't sound like she was exactly talking to her either. If anything, it sounded more like desperate sheer venting out. "And this one's too small!"

"… It's a duck," Sakura incredulously stated.

"I am... The Vigilante!" the small caped and hatted figure proudly announced, his blue eyes sparkling with arrogance, and he stroke a dynamic heroic pose with his fists perched at his hips. "So, which one of you is my Master?"

The sisters remained perfectly still and silent for a few minutes, until Sakura slowly pointed at Rin, then warily asked her, "By the way, Oneesan... When it's time to recharge his Mana...?"

Rin paled a few shades down, then fainted on place like a choked Victorian damsel.

The mysterious masked figure looked down at her. "... Are you sure she's up to the task?"

Sakura inhaled as deeply as she could and forced herself to remember things could be worse.

She could have been sent to live with the Matous, after all. Or heaven forbid, the Itoshikis!

And at least they moved the TV…

* * *

 

**Next:** Love Potion Number 69!

**In Two Chapters** : Library Island!

 


	24. Lesson 21: Love Hurts

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

_Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, have I mentioned huge? and I mean huge, like HUUUGE, new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this with his usual stylish grace.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Please review! And vote in the poll! And add to the TV Tropes Page! And bring me a sandwich while you're at it!

* * *

 

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY ONE.

* * *

 

**Act 1:**

Kugimiya Madoka (not to be confused with that OTHER Madoka currently making waves because, seriously, just to be perfectly clear, our idea of 'heartwarming' is NOT to rip someone's heart out from their chest via their rectum and set it on fire) stirred in her bed and moaned (we'll leave you to guess in what manner), then tried to cover her head with a pillow to block her roommates' incessant chattering, the dream of being a magical girl lich already fading. It didn't work at all, so she finally pushed herself up on her hands and shot an angry glare at them.

"Keep it down, will you? I'm still trying to catch a few more Zs. And why are you two up so early? It's a Sunday, for Kami-sama's sake..."

"Correction," Misa smiled while powdering her face before the mirror. "It's a Sunday the 13th of February! Valentine's Day Eve!"

"'Eve' is the _night_ before," Madoka pointed out. "Honestly, you should listen in class more. "

"And we're going shopping!" Sakurako grinned from where she was putting her lipstick on.

"Ah. Going for chocolate for Sensei and Hakase, huh?" Madoka rolled back on her bed, facing the wall and closing her eyes. "Well, just this once, count me out. Studying for that test has left me dry."

"Actually, we'll be making our own chocolate," Sakurako said. "It'll feel more sincere that way."

Madoka lifted her head up again. "Then what are you going to buy?"

"Sakurako knows this weird store where they sell all sorts of charms and tools to get all kinds of things, including true love..." Misa explained.

"I thought you didn't believe in such things," the black haired girl doubted.

Misa only smiled. "I have... reconsidered my position on the subject lately," she replied.

Kugimiya sat up rubbing her eyes. "Wasn't that the store where they sold you those cats, Sakurako?"

"Uh-huh," her other friend nodded.

"The one run by the weirdo in the funny hat and the wooden sandals?"

"Bingo."

Madoka sighed. "That guy gives me the creeps. You sure you want to trust his opinion on matters of love?"

Misa shrugged. "What's the worst thing—"

"Don't say it!" Kugimiya warned.

"—that could happen?" Kakizaki carelessly finished.

"You said it!" Madoka growled. "Well, forget it. No way I'm going to be dragged along into that. Not this time." She hmphed and rolled back into the bed.

"We're going right after breakfast, so don't take too long there, okay?" Misa told her.

"I said I'm not going with you!" Madoka insisted.

"Come on, Madoka-chan...!" Shiina whined, giving her the puppy-dog eyes.

Madoka grunted, tightening the pillow against her head to block the deadly Sakurako vibrations out.

"Pleaseeeee!" Shiina didn't let her get away.

Madoka clenched her teeth. She was going to regret that, she was so bloody sure of it.

* * *

 

**Act 2:**

Later that morning, as the three cheerleaders approached the old, run down store, they saw a tall, orange haired boy leaving in a hurry, holding a large package under an arm. He passed by next to them giving them the briefest gruff glare, then quickly disappeared down the street.

"Man, that guy is scary," Madoka shuddered.

"Yeah, looks like a thug, but I think I've seen him somewhere before..." Misa observed. "Look at his hair! It's probably bleached…"

" _This is not Bleach!" Ichigo cried out, then wondered what compelled him to do that spontaneously as people edged away from him._

"Oh, that's just Kurosaki-sempai. He studies at Mahora, too!" Sakurako said, back with our heroines, still in the best of moods. "He often comes, buys a few things very secretly, then leaves as soon as he came. I don't get why so much secrecy, but not even Urahara-san will tell me about it..."

"Bah, who cares. It's probably just porn," Misa waved a hand dismissively, striding towards the entrance. "Hey, Shopkeeper-sama! You have three lovely clients here!"

"I'm not going to buy anything!" Kugimiya warned.

The door creaked open, and a hulking, balding and fearsome tower of muscles with terrifying shiny glasses, wearing blue overalls and holding a broomstick in a hand, came out to meet them, startling Misa and Madoka. "Yes...?"

"Good morning, Tessai-sama!" Sakurako happily sing-sang, skipping ahead while her friends recoiled. "Is Urahara-sama in?"

"Yes, he is." He bowed formally to her. "Enchanted to see you again, Shiina-dono. As beautiful as ever."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she giggled before gesturing towards her friends. "You know my friends Misa and Madoka, right?"

"I believe you brought them once or twice before, yes," he thoughtfully replied. The two girls smiled nervously at him. He only turned around and walked back inside. "I'll bring you to Urahara-dono. I'm sure he'll have plenty of time to see you."

As they followed the huge man into the store, Misa looked in awe at all the strange artifacts and assorted objects for display at the walls and shelves. She never had noticed it before meeting Negi, but those cards they had for sale bore a striking resemblance to Pactio cards. Many other items were very similar to the magical stuff Negi used to collect. There were piles of books randomly stacked, from simple notebook-like ones with handwritten titles like "The Word of Kemmler" to cheesy cardboard ones titled "Necronomiron Pop-Up Edition". She felt a shiver run down her spine.

Sakurako and Madoka were oblivious to it, Shiina merrily waving at a red-headed angry-looking boy and a black-haired skinny little girl with deep sad eyes mopping the halls. "Good morning, Jinta-kun, Ururu-chan!"

The sickly looking girl bowed at them as well. "Good morning, Shiina-sama..."

The boy just groaned leaning on his mop lazily. "Great, the chatty hen brought two more hens..."

Madoka shot him an angry glare, and the kid quickly feigned innocence and got back to work.

"Urahara-dono," Tessai announced, knocking on a door at the main hall's end. "Shiina-dono and her two best friends have come to see the newest merchandise."

An amused voice came from the inside. "Ohh, good, good! Bring them in, will you?"

The giant nodded, then opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for the girls to walk in. "Good luck with your acquisitions," he wished them.

"Thank you!" the three of them chorused with varying degrees of comfort, and quickly walked in.

…..

He was roguishly handsome, Misa guessed, although he really needed a good change of clothes. He sat carelessly at the other end of the room, smoking from a long wooden pipe and refreshing himself with a folding fan. His striped hat obscured most of his face, his shirt was half open, and the wooden sandals half-hung lazily from his pale feet. She wondered if he shopped at the same place Itoshiki-sensei did. All in all, not a very trustworthy-looking guy. He looked like some walking Deus Ex Machina for getting people in trouble.

Then he opened his mouth and made it all worse.

"Ha ha ha ha!" he folded the fan and tapped with it on the tatami, beckoning for the girls to come closer. Sakurako did it happily, her friends following with some reluctance. "Welcome, Sakurako-chan! I had started to believe you'd forgotten us! Taking good care of the kittens, I hope!"

"Yeah! Yoruichi-chan, Blair-chan and Felicia-chan are the best pets I've ever had! And they're so smart, too! It's almost as if they were human!"

Misa looked at her. "You mean you bought those cats here? Is this a pet shop, too?"

"Yep. And they were very cheap, too!" her lucky friend declared. "Almost a gift; Urahara-sama's only condition was I couldn't change their names."

"Oh, think nothing of it. I got them for practically nothing from a contact. Count D, great guy. This is a shop for everything special, unusual and incredible!" the man boasted. "Kakizaki Misa-chan, right?"

"Errr, yes," she nodded quickly. "And this is Kugimiya Madoka."

"Hello," Madoka weakly waved.

Urahara raised an interested eyebrow. "Interesting name… tell me girl, do you like cake?"

"We came for something for Valentine's!" Sakurako chirped. "Something for good luck at love!"

"Really? Why would three adorable young ladies like you need a boost in love? Especially you, Sakurako-chan! No sane man would ever reject you!"

Misa chuckled and ran a hand over Shiina's head. "Well, the issue is, it isn't either a man or sane."

"Misa...!" Shiina whined.

"Oh-hum! I see. That kind of 'maidenly love', huh?" the shopkeeper said, pondering. "How about you?"

"Me?" Misa asked back. "Well, I'm after a... a..."

"A younger man," Madoka huffed. "A much younger one."

"Don't say it as if it's a crime!" Kakizaki protested.

"But it is!" Madoka insisted.

"Curiouser and curiouser..." Urahara pondered. "That leaves you, Kugimiya-san..."

"I'm in no hurry yet," Madoka waved a hand dismissively.

"The spring of life should be enjoyed while it's still there. If you don't take advantage of the SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH! it'll be gone before you know it," Urahara observed, then moved on, pulling a large box out into the open. "You're in luck today, in any case! This is our special offer of rare unique items reserved only for our best clients hour! Come closer and feast your eyes on this! You're guaranteed to win over your loved ones' heart with this spectacular selection of wonders!"

Misa looked in, then made a disgusted grimace, pointing at one of the items. "What the Hell is THIS?"

Urahara chuckled, reaching over for the mounted, stuffed salmon with the white face and the distorted, forced into a red rictus grin, mouth. "Joker Fish! A great conversation piece for those private nights under the candlelight!"

"What kind of sicko would find that romantic?-!" Misa protested.

"I have it on good authority it's psychiatrist recommended." The salesman shrugged. "How 'bout this? An authentic Shikon Jewel!" he showed them a blatantly fake huge pearl hanging from a necklace. "Sure to help you at every turn of life! Augments your spiritual powers, brings prosperity to your home, and it will make you the envy of all your neighborhood!"

"Spiritual powers?" Misa was tempted before brushing it away. "Sorry. We're looking for something more short term."

"Oh, you sound really desperate. Now why could such a gorgeous girl be that frantic about securing her love?" the man wondered. "I know! You must have very serious, powerful rivals!"

Misa reluctantly nodded, and Sakurako and Madoka agreed with nods of their own.

Urahara smirked devilishly, and held a black notebook up. "Then... this is what you need," he ominously whispered. "A Death Note. Write your enemies' names here, and they'll be out of your way... permanently."

All three girls shuddered, backing away in horror.

"Th-THAT'S HIDEOUS!" Misa screamed. "I'd never do such a thing, no matter what!"

"BWA HA HA HA!" the man laughed again, pushing the notebook back into the box. "Just kidding! Kidding! Honestly, a Death Note... who would ever believe such a thing? It was just a test of character. Here, I only wanted to know if you could be trusted with… this!"

He reached in again and handed a large bottle full of honey-colored thick liquid over at them.

"What is this?" Misa took the bottle in her hands, quizzically eyeing it. "Felix Felicis?"

"Ah, how cute. A Love Potion, naturally. Some say its recipe was written by Urd, the Goddess of Love herself, back when this world was still young," Urahara narrated. "Other sources claim it was, uh, _made_ by shikima for the use of certain ninja clans. Make the objects of your affections drink this down, or mix it with their food, and their feelings for you will be unleashed to such a degree they will be yours in body and soul! Er, figuratively, of course."

"Come on, that's just—!" Madoka bit her tongue before saying, "Unethical! Perverted! Underhanded and questionable! If you think we'll ever fall so low, you've got another thing coming! Besides, I doubt that's FDA approved!"

She stopped, noticing Misa and Sakurako were both eyeing the bottle with giant adoring eyes. "... Crap."

"We... We'll buy it!" Shiina sighed aloud.

"We'll pay anything!" Misa added.

Urahara made a 'Tch Tch' sound and fanned himself again. "Like I've said before, you're a friend of this house, Sakurako-chan. You can have it cheap. The potion is so potent, it should suffice for all three of you to use."

"I said I'm not interested!" Madoka claimed.

"How much?" Sakurako asked.

"Cheap, very cheap," Uruhara said, smiling brightly. "I'll take… YOUR SOUL!"

"I have 100 yen!" Sakurako said.

"Sold!"

Shortly afterwards, however, each one of them was leaving the store with a bottle in a hand. Urahara watched them from a window as they walked away down the street, chattering and joking. His expression was serious now, taking brief smokes from his pipe, his obscured eyes mirroring his deep thinking.

A voice came from behind him. "Are you sure that was a wise idea?"

"Ehhh, to learn what true love is, they must take missteps first," he said. "And if we want to stop the cycle this time, once and for all, we'll need all of them to finally learn that most important lesson. Every last one of the thirty one."

"Well, if you place so much trust on them for the future..." the voice dangerously crooned in his right ear, "Why not to give them the Note, huh?"

Urahara grunted, pulled an apple out of one of his pockets, and roughly stuffed it into the dark hovering spirit's mouth. "Shut up, Ryuk."

A few minutes later, the door opened again, and Urahara raised an eyebrow at the customer. "What can I do for you, miss?"

Chao smiled. "I'd like an all purpose vaccine-antidote for the most powerful love potion known to man…"

* * *

 

**Act 3:**

The thirteenth night of February. Valentines Day Eve. A dark and cold one, with howling winds blowing all over Mahora. The small figure wrapped in a long white overcoat shuddered under the onslaught of the sudden icy wave, before knocking at the door of a particular dorm room in a very secretive manner.

The visitor's eyes shone eagerly behind thick round glasses, as the door creaked open and Yotsuba Satsuki's round calm face peeked out.

"Are... Are they ready?" the visitor asked, struggling to keep her voice above a whisper.

"Yes," the master chef whispered back. She didn't see the actual point of such secrecy, but if it made her friend happy... "Here," she handed her a heart shaped box wrapped in hot bright pink. "Don't worry about the payment. I can wait until this month's end."

"Oh, thank you, thank you so very much..." thin pale fingers nervously tapped on the box, a large unstable grin creeping up on her face.

Satsuki nodded slowly. "By the way..."

"Yes?"

"What do you think she'll say?"

The visitor fidgeted around. "Well... From what I've read up on it, the date is only to offer chocolate gifts to boys... I'm sure she'll understand... It's-It's not like this is anything but a token of friendly affection for him..."

"Right," Satsuki nodded again.

Chao's sleepy voice came from inside the room. "Mmmm? Hakase, izzat you...?"

"Oh noes! I must go!" the mysterious visitor gasped, then turned around, slipped, got up with a groan, and quickly sprinted into the night. It'd have made Misora jealous.

Satsuki sighed and shook her head. "Chao, when is the World Domination Club going to finish testing their weather machine?"

_Elsewhere..._

The five maids waited in perfect silence at both sides of the kitchen's door, stiffening up with each new manic giggle they heard coming from inside, along with the deadly wafts of perplexing smells coming out from under the door.

"Poor, poor Ojou-sama..." Roberta bit into her handkerchief over and over again, ripping it apart piece by piece like a rabid dog. "She's never been the same since she met that accursed boy..."

"I still don't get it. Why doesn't she allow us to make the chocolates for her?" Taeko asked.

Siesta waved a finger. "A young lady's efforts of love should never be interrupted by anyone! Such things are all a maiden's amusement…"

Then there was a crash, and Ayaka's cries of triumph filled the night. "It's alive! IT'S ALIVE! THE FRUIT OF OUR LOVE!-!-!-!-! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!-!-!-!-!-!"

Siesta gasped. "On second thought, let's just bring that door down and act right now!"

"I'll go bring the shotguns," Fubuki declared, very seriously. She shook her head. "Multiple exclamation points… the sure sign of a disturbed mind…"

_Elsewhere again..._

Madoka mumbled as she heard her roommates giggling and whispering to each other, mixing the contents of their bottles into the chocolate they were making. She looked down at her own chocolate batch, then at the untouched bottle at her left. No, she wouldn't do it after all. She'd take the risk; even if she was rejected, she'd at least save herself the humiliation of relying on a cheap superstition.

Yeah. It was much better that way. Even if it worked, what was the point on getting love that way?

She felt the sharp stares of Sakurako's pets fixed on her, all three of them sitting on the floor around her. "What do you want? I thought cats don't like sweet things."

The white cat with the blueish streak on her head purred and rubbed her head against her right leg.

"Felicia...!" Sakurako briefly stopped her chat to look at her. "What's with you? You haven't paid me any attention tonight!"

Madoka smiled. "Animals can feel dirty intentions. I'm sure they don't like cheaters."

"In love, there's nothing like a cheat or a dirty trick!" Misa defended. "All is fair in love and war! For love is blind, and lovers do not see the petty follies that they themselves commit!"

Madoka huffed. "If you can call that love..."

"What do you mean with that?" Kakizaki scowled.

"Nothing," Madoka decided to just stop it before they ended up fighting. Hardly worth it, after all.

"Ne, Madoka, " Sakurako called out, "Who's the chocolate for, anyway?"

She casually shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe I'm just making it to eat it myself," she lied. "Or maybe I'll just give it to someone who actually needs it."

"Yeahhhh, riiiight!" Misa leered.

Her words were met by indifference. "Think whatever you want."

Sakurako smiled and patted Madoka on a shoulder. "Good luck with that," she said. "Just tell us when you're ready."

"Dammit, stop assuming things!" Kugimiya complained.

* * *

 

**Act 4:**

"Good morning," was the first thing Negi heard when he woke up that morning. He rubbed his eyes with the back of a small hand and looked at Chisame, sitting on the bed next to him, her eyes half closed, but not sleepily; rather, it was as if she had been looking down at him in a critical, dubious way for a while now.

"Good morning, Chisame-san..." he sat up with a little yawn before asking, "Something wrong?"

"No... No, nothing," she replied, shifting around with uneasiness. "It's just I... I..."

She sighed, then yanked one arm aside to reach under her pillow and reluctantly pulled a small square box wrapped in hearts-stamped pink paper. Damn, she had told that stupid store clerk to pick something else for the wrapping...

Chisame nearly pushed it into his hands, blushing as little as she could. "Chocolate," she said.

"Ah?" he blinked.

"D-Don't tell me you're that clueless!" she blurted out. "You have to know the meaning of February the 14th!"

"Ah, yes, that!" he remembered. "Nekane always made me chocolate that day too, and then Anya would bring some as well and slam them down on my head..." he fondly said, eyeing the box with nostalgia (this would later provide much material for his therapist, when he finally got around to getting one). "It's the day of Saint Valentine, patron of chocolates, right?"

"Patron of... chocolates?" Chisame paled a bit, realizing she was resisting an urge to giggle. Did he really have no idea of the true meaning behind that date? "Well, actually, it's more like a... day to celebrate... friendship! Yes, friends hand each other chocolates. That's all. Nothing romantic, no matter what everyone else will tell you today just to tease you. Got it?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, I forgot, and didn't buy you any chocolate..."

"Not needed!" she quickly answered. "Really! Thank you, the sentiment is what truly counts!"

The boy paused, wondering about why she was acting so strange today, before nodding again and looking in all directions. "By the way, where's Satomi-san?"

She scratched her head. "I dunno. Just woke up myself, and she was already gone. But..." she perked up paying closer attention to her surroundings, looking towards the kitchen's door. "It sounds like she's there..." They both tensed up in alert. "Oh no! She's cooking!"

"Let's use Excuse # 39 this time!" Negi jumped off the bed, Chisame quickly following.

"Roger!" she said. Anything to pry her away from the kitchen, even if it involved making that kind of stupid shit up. Luckily, Hakase bought it every time.

The duo rushed to the kitchen, nearly slamming the door open in their nerves, both of them saying at once, "HAKASE/SATOMI-SAN! WE FORGOT TO TELL YOU WE CAN'T EAT—"

Then they jerked a few steps back in shock, all blood draining from their faces right before returning twice as intense as before.

Hakase looked back at them, taking her eyes apart from the oddly smelling, oddly bubbling mustard and whipped cream stained sandwiches she was making.

"Hm? Oh, you're already up! Good morning and happy Valentines!" she brightly said.

She was wearing nothing but her glasses and a white apron.

"Wh-What the Hell are you doing?-!" Chisame pointed a trembling hand at her, resisting the nearly magnetic urge to stare at Hakase's surprisingly pert and tight ass. "I thought I had warned you about keeping your damn clothes on while Negi lived with us!"

Negi had just buried his face into a corner of the kitchen, breathing in and out heavily, not even noticing he had stepped all over Chamo, who in turn had been too busy laying there dreamily muttering "Paradise... Paradise..." to care at all either.

Hakase blinked with that stupidly convenient in-and-out innocence of hers. "Ah? Oh, this. I thought it'd be okay for a special occasion like this, since someone told me it's the correct way to greet your closest ones at Saint Valentine's morning..."

"Haruna!" Chisame seethed immediately. Her psyche picked up its hammer, boards, nails, and cement truck and rapidly began to seal away the door through which the imagery of a young Haruna doing just that to her parents and whichever poor boy or girl she'd been with on Valentine's past was trying to get through…

_A few doors away, Yue was frantically yelling at Haruna to put her clothes on as she kept a fainted Nodoka from falling and hurting herself._

Satomi nodded slowly. "Yes, I was told she knew a lot on the subject, and you know I always consult none but the best sources of expertise. But have no fear! I didn't tell her who I wanted to impress this morning!"

Chisame buried her face in her hands. "Anyone could see it was us!" A pause. "Wait, are you telling us you kinda are... are... with us... and you... and...?"

It was Satomi's turn to look uneasy now, despite her previous lack of awkwardness regarding her own nudity. "W-Well... It's a day of friendship, right...? Yes, you two are... hmmm, two of my closest confidantes, so I thought it would be proper to... I mean, it's not like I harbor actual romantic designs for either of you... Pretty and lovely as you are, mind, I don't mean to offend... I mean... Oh my, I believe my terminology in this field is rather lacking... Anyway! You're my friends, and that's why I'm giving you this!" She pushed her own chocolate box into Chisame's hands, now breathing heavily as well. Chisame kept her eyes firmly focus on the box, and not the interesting contours Hakase was giving the front of the apron…

"Okay..." Chisame's eyebrows twitched, but she opted for not questioning her any further on the subject. Except maybe for... "You mean you'd do this... for all your closest friends?"

Hakase nodded.

"... Chao?" Hasegawa asked.

"I was going to sneak into her kitchen right after you ate the breakfast I made for you. Why?"

_Somewhere, a much reiterated Chao was locking down every entrance to the kitchen and, under the mostly amused gaze of Satsuki, trying to hide all the aprons, mustard and whipped cream. One recognizes a pattern after the 3_ _rd_ _time this happened and the 1_ _st_ _time Hakase lost her virginity…_

Chisame cringed. "... Shiina?"

"Ah, Haruna advised me a different approach with her. Something about wrapping myself in nothing but ribbons and jumping into her bed tonight, although why for, I have no clue. Haruna told me Sakurako would understand and take it from there..."

Hasegawa slammed a fist against a wall. "There will be no February the 15th for Saotome Haruna!" she promised. "SAOTOME HARUNA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

_Somewhere in the world, someone_ _**very** _ _lost sneezed…_

* * *

 

**Act 5:**

_Jiiiiiiiii_

The strange, faint staring sound continued as Matoi shadowed Negi, Chisame and Hakase down the hall, never taking her nearly unblinking adoring eyes off him. Negi just kept up a long suffering face; Tsunetsuki-san had been there at their dorm's door as soon as they walked out, and didn't stop following him ever since. He was actually getting used to the creepy girl, which probably boded ill. Chisame had said nothing, but it was clear she was unhappy with the whole situation; Hakase, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind at all, if she even noticed.

Negi only could wonder how a stare, even such a long and deep one, could make any sort of sound. Even his research into his magic tomes had yielded no results on the subject.

They found someone else waiting at 2-A's door, holding a chocolate box of her own. It was one of the young commentators for the dodgeball game two weeks and a half (and two chapters) ago, the redhead with the red bow on her head. "Ah! Good morning... Akatsutsumi-san, right?" Negi asked.

"Yeah!" the 13 year-old nodded cheerfully. "Akatsutsumi Momoko, Negi-sensei!" She laughed uneasily, handing him the box. "Umm, I just was passing by, and decided to give you this. I hope you'll like it..."

"Oh, thanks!" Then he noticed the box had been unsealed, and some chocolates were missing. "Ahhhhh..."

Momoko blushed and licked the last stray chocolate spot off her upper lip. "Oh, sorry, you kinda got here late... Have a nice day! Bye!" She speeded away in cooing embarrassment.

"I-It was nothing, really! Good day to you too!" Negi waved.

Chisame groaned, and then got ready for the onslaught to come as Negi pushed the door open and walked in. As expected, a veritable pack of anxious girls pounced down on him.

"Good morning, Sensei! I brought you this!" Yuuna said.

"Try mine first!" Kazumi chuckled.

"Ours! Ours!" Fuuka pushed hers and Fumika's box ahead. "We made it special with sisterly love!"

"Waaaaa! Order! Order!" Negi called out, struggling to cope.

Ayaka clapped twice, angrily. "You have heard Negi-sensei! One by one!" she barked.

"Here, mine!" Haruna dumped her gift into his hands. "Nodoka, Yue, your turn!"

"Ahhh, y-yes, " Nodoka had to be all but pushed ahead by Yue, to stand before Negi blushing cutely, handing him their present. "T-This isn't much, but we do hope you find it of your liking..."

"I do," he gently smiled at her. "Thank you, Miyazaki-san."

For a moment, Nodoka found herself imagining Negi saying that "I do" at a church, standing before her in a charming black suit, and she all but stumbled back into Yue's arms, barely holding herself together.

Someone tapped Haruna on the shoulder. Smiling widely, she turned. "What is it, Chisame-chan?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows.

An oddly smelling, oddly bubbling mustard and whipped cream-stained sandwich was mashed into her face, followed by an apron smacking her in said-face with all the force a near-hikkikomori hacker could muster, which was still pretty damned respectable. "You owe us a new apron," Chisame said coldly, stomping off as people stared.

Haruna nonchalantly took off the apron and speared a finger through the mess on her face, putting it in her mouth. "Hm… kinda reminds me of Auntie Akane's cooking," she said, before turning around and running for the wastebasket to hurl.

Asuna huffed indifferently from her seat before taking a look at the box hidden under it. Why to waste effort on such a tadpole when a much bigger prize waited ahead? Oh, Takahata-sensei... She'd confess her true feelings today, no matter what...

"And here's mine!" Misora put her gift on Negi's right hand, then pulled Cocone towards the other hand, the dark skinned child hesitating for a single second before handing him a box of her own as well.

"Mine, too," she whispered.

"Thanks a lot, Cocone-san. But please, don't be late for your classes," Negi said to her.

"I won't," she bowed, then left even as the 2-A students and Matoi gazed at her intently. A rival around his own age was something to worry about. What if they could, _gasp_ , actually relate to each other?-!

"Your turn. Be confident," Chizuru whispered to Natsumi as she gently pushed her forward from the back of the classroom.

"Y-Yes, of course..." Natsumi walked stiffly to hand her present over. "Umm, my mother's recipe... I'm not that good at it yet, but..."

"Oh, thanks, Murakami-san."

Evangeline dozed off indolently as Chachamaru took the next turn, then Ku Fei and Kaede. Chisame sat down and shook her head, incidentally noticing Misa, Sakurako and Madoka were making no moves. "How about you three?" she asked.

"I'll be waiting for the end of the class. Much better that way, " Misa confidently stated, giving Chisame pause for concern. Now what was she up to?

"Yeah, me too," Sakurako agreed.

"I don't think it'd be right for me to overload Sensei with even more chocolate," Madoka chuckled. "He's going to eat so much, he'll end up hating it."

Chisame couldn't help but nod. "Pretty much. Oh no, Iincho's next. By the way Sakurako, before Hakase gets to your dorm, hide your aprons, and any mustard and whipped cream you might have…"

Ayaka was laughing charmingly and blushing as a red rose as she placed her chocolate box on the top of the box hill Negi was carrying. "Sensei, I made them especially for you with nothing but the best ingredients! I know you will be able to literally taste the love put into them!"

It was a lie, since Siesta had finally convinced her to let her make the chocolates herself, but in Ayaka's mind, a good servant was practically an extension of her master anyway.

She only hoped the tips she had given Siesta in turn would work.

* * *

 

**Act 6:**

After class, the usual bunch had stayed for the review sessions; Asuna, Ku Fei, Kaede, Yue and Makie, with Negi teaching, Chisame staying at her corner surfing in her laptop, and Nodoka and Haruna waiting for Yue. Hakase was finishing gathering her notes and other belongings to head back home, looking disappointed by her current lack of lab activities, so Sakurako decided to hurry up and give her the chocolate before she was gone. For some reason, she was never allowed into the laboratory by Hakase's club-mates (something about radioactive safety measures, not allowing the talking lab mice to escape and take over the world, and million to one random accidents involving chemicals and lightning strikes or something like that), so she had to take her chances while she had them.

"Um, um, Satomi-chan!" she approached her nervously, ignoring how everyone else's eyes were fixed on her. She decided she didn't care, and just handed the package to a blinking Hakase. "H-Here! I made it myself! I'm not the best cook, but—! But—!"

She paused, briefly looking back at Misa and Madoka for support. Both cheerleaders smiled reassuringly, and Sakurako felt like continuing, "Anyway, I'm sure it's alright! I paid attention to every last detail while making it!"

Asuna just stared on with curiosity. Kaede smiled in a placid way. Ku Fei and Makie giggled, sharing a brief knowing look. Chisame stopped her chat for a moment, paying close attention. Negi smiled in a good-natured way, fascinated at the friendly ways of Chocolate Day and how it brought people together. Yue simply drank from her potato-and-herb-with-tomato-and-gravy juice with a complete lack of expression. Nodoka blushed as Haruna stared and stared with huge, bright, expectant eyes.

Finally, Satomi simply smiled at Shiina and nodded. "I'm very thankful. Sorry I didn't bring any for you, but... eh..." She looked at Haruna, then at Chisame, trying to read their respective expressions and guessing what to do next from them, "I'll give you something else later! Shall we share a few, then? Chisame, Sensei, do you want some too?"

"We already have too much chocolate in our hands," Chisame reached over to pat the huge pile of boxes left for Negi. "You two enjoy those yourselves."

"Yeah, I agree!" Misa enthused.

"Definitely," Madoka added.

"You... Are you sure?" Satomi looked first at Chisame, then at Negi, dubiously looking for something she wasn't even too sure about herself before saying, "Very well, if you're fully okay with it..."

"You also had something to ask her about the latest Math lessons, didn't you, Sakurako?" Misa asked. "I think you should do it... ahh... somewhere else, where you can... ask in private, and not get anything confused with the classes Sensei's giving."

"O-Okay!" Shiina smirked, hoping her nerves weren't too evident. Only Negi hadn't noticed them, however. She grabbed Satomi by a hand. "Um, your dorm, or mine?"

"Not ours!" Chisame shouted suddenly, before considering Sakurako was less likely to overstep the boundaries of decency at someone else's room. Or so she hoped. "Um, I mean, sorry! Actually, I'd suggest our dorm! I forgot we had cleaned up yesterday! Hakase has more study material there, so it'd be for the best..." she trailed off.

"Naturally," Satomi gave a nod. "Well then, let's be on our way, Sakurako-san."

"Y-Yeah!" the cheerleader waved to her friends. "I'll see you tonight!"

"Bye!" Madoka waved back.

"Take your time!" Misa chuckled, right before Madoka elbowed her stomach.

The rest of the students also said goodbye as Chisame watched them departing with some concern. She actually hoped Hakase would know where to draw the line.

She didn't place put much faith on it, however.

"Well, I should be going, too," Madoka picked her things up and quickly hopped for the door. "Good luck with, uh, that thing, Misa."

"Good luck with your 'thing' too, Madoka," Misa chuckled as Kugimiya left. Chisame was mildly surprised the third cheerleader hadn't made any moves on anyone. Good to see someone else still kept an ounce of common sense.

Misa, on the other hand...

"Aaaaand here's my chocolate, Sensei!" Kakizaki grinned while placing her package on Negi's hands. "The best is always left for last!" She pried the box open and held up a piece of chocolate, moving to put it into the boy's mouth while he was still looking only at her. The very next moment, she was sure, it was going to be her big victory in front of Chisame, Haruna, Nodoka and the Baka Rangers! It didn't get any better than that! "Open wide and say 'Ahhhhhhh'!"

But then a hand swooped by between them and snatched the chocolate away. Misa stared in paralyzed terror as Chisame scooped up the chocolate and put it into her own mouth, quickly swallowing it almost whole.

The hacker smiled at her in a condescending, dryly mocking way. "Oh, sorry. But Sensei's already eaten too much chocolate for a day. That's what you get from waiting so long to make your big scene!"

Misa back-pedalled in terror. Chisame had just eaten the damn thing! And she was looking at her! She would fall in love with her for sure! Oh, no. Oh, no no no no...

And then, suddenly, she found herself asking herself if that was such a hideous thing, really.

She drank in the cute, even if pimply, features of Hasegawa's fair skinned face, her deep, beautiful light brown eyes, her clean brown hair, the faint scent of the cologne on her body. The way her round shiny glasses complemented her face so well, giving her such a mature appearance. Her slender and modest, but perfectly proportioned figure. Her cute, perky little ass, her nice, firm breasts…

Misa's heart started beating faster.

Asuna noticed there was something wrong with the cheerleader's sudden silence, and then saw Misa was not the only one. Haruna was breathing faster and faster, slightly leaning ahead to take a better look at Chisame, looking like she was on the edge of an orgasm. Nodoka was blushing so crimson it almost became black, taking short, flustered pants. Yue's straw had fallen off her mouth, as her eyes grew wide, zeroing onto Chisame's backside. Makie was making small cooing sounds. Kaede had actually opened her eyes. Ku looked like a tiger about to pounce on its prey.

"Guys...?" Asuna asked with some irked concern. "Something wrong...?"

"No..." Nodoka's reply came in a husky new pant.

"There is nothing wrong with Chisame at all..." Haruna spoke in a spaced out tone, unconsciously fidgeting to start unbuttoning her own blouse.

"All of you is so... wonderful, Chisame..." Makie was swooning in delight. "I really was an idiot, never noticing before..."

"What? What?" Chisame blinked several times, taking a step back towards Negi as all the other girls but the perplexed Asuna began surrounding her. "Hey, this isn't funny! Sensei! Tell them to stop!"

"Stop..." Negi's voice warned, with a slight hint of an edge to it.

"Oh, thank you, I'm sure that'll be very..." Chisame gasped aloud as she felt small arms encircling her from behind, possessively squeezing her against him.

**"CHISAME IS MINE! ALL MINE!"**

Then Asuna knew IT HAD TO be that damn magic at work again.

_Urahara's Shop:_

"Urahara-dono..." Tessai said while finishing the inventory of new items.

"Yes?" his boss was lazily fanning himself at a corner.

"It would seem you gave Sakurako-dono and her friends the wrong potion by mistake. It wasn't the one who makes the swallower to fall in love with the first person they see. It's the one who makes everyone to fall in love with the swallower upon first sight."

Urahara fell into a long, ominous silence before breaking into careless laughter.

"AHH, HA HA HA HA! Well, never mind! The girls will learn their lesson anyway, one way or another!"

Tessai shook his head. "Sometimes, I do wonder if I shouldn't have taken Yuuko-dono's offer to work at her shop instead. I heard Enma Ai needed a new webmaster…"

* * *

 

**Act 7:**

Madoka warily approached the closed door, then stuck her right ear to it, attempting to learn if there was someone inside. She couldn't hear any shouting or loud scolding, so she was fairly sure that club's president, at the very least, wasn't there.

The 2-A student drew in a deep breath and rapped her knuckles against the door.

"Come in," his dry, manly voice came from the inside. Madoka's heart skipped just a bit. She pushed the door open and peeked inside.

He was sitting behind a computer with a neutral expression on, typing on it while barely looking at her. The girl with glasses and short gray hair sat a nearby corner, carefully reading through a book that Nodoka herself would have deemed too thick. Well, probably not. She slowly tilted her cold, tranquil eyes onto Madoka's direction, and although they bore no malice or ill will at all, something in them still made Kugimiya want to shiver.

"H-Hello, Nagato-sempai," she said.

"Hello," the other girl replied, then went back to reading.

"Good afternoon," the tall brown haired boy calmly lifted his gaze from his computer screen. "Can we do something for you? If Suzumiya sent you, I have good excuses ready for you, but please leave before she comes. For your own good, mind you. If she ever settles you here, you'll never have a way out..."

"N-No, she didn't sent me!" Madoka vigorously shook her head. "I came of my own will!"

The boy looked at her in mild stupor for a moment before asking, "Are you new around here? No, you're from 2-A, aren't you? Shouldn't you know better? No one in their right mind comes here of their own will! Again, no offense." He calmed down a bit, wondering both if he had just stuck his foot into his mouth and if a 2-A student could have common sense anyway. Everyone said they weren't as bad as Suzumiya, but still…

"I'm just passing by," Kugimiya kept her face low. "Um, I, I know you don't know me well, Kyon-sempai, but—"

"Oh, my name isn't Kyon," he attempted to explain. "Actually, I'm named—"

"It doesn't matter!" she quickly waved it off, blushing as she pulled her chocolate box out and pushed it towards him. "I... I simply wanted to give you this! Please don't take it the wrong way! I don't want to force you into anything, I just wanted to tell you I'm fond of... of... your responsibility and maturity!" she blurted out.

Kyon blinked, going a few notches of pale, his mouth slightly hanging open for once. From her corner, Nagato-sempai lifted her eyes back the book, quietly pushed up her glasses, and continued reading.

"I... I am..." he hesitated, "... Honored. Thanks. Hmmm..." He decided sending her out right then would be rude. "Would you like to sit down and chat for a while? Haruhi's still at the baths with Asahina-san, and for some reason they really take a lot of time when they're there. And Itsuki's running some kind of errand right now..."

Madoka doubted as well, but ended up smiling and nodding. "Thank you." She looked at the other girl. "Nagato-sempai? Do you want some chocolate as well?"

The bespectacled girl paused in her reading. A few eternal silent seconds passed before she nodded and dragged her chair next to Kyon's and the one Madoka had just sat down at.

As Madoka started distributing the chocolates around, she couldn't help but thinking she had made the right decision on rejecting the potion.

She only wondered how were Sakurako and Misa faring...

* * *

 

**Act 8:**

Tsunetsuki Matoi fumed angrily as she stormed her way down the hall heading back towards 2-A. Stupid Itoshiki-sensei, forcing her to go back to take his stupid boring angsty classes, away from her beloved Negi-sensei. Ah, Negi-sensei! She barely could wait to see him again, to enjoy his warm kind smile, to drink on the sight of his petite, thin frame, to listen to his melodical voice...

She hurried up even more. The classroom's door was in sight now. And there were loud sounds coming from the inside. Ah! Were those harpies forcing themselves upon her beloved prince of magic? That was her big chance to impress him, saving him from their filthy kouhai clutches!

"Wait for me, Sensei! I'll help you!"

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Hasegawa Chisame stormed out of the classroom, her clothes in disarray, her glasses almost falling off her face, shaking Kaede off herself with surprising strength born of desperation before running like hell for dear life down the hall...

... and soon stumbling straight into Matoi, sending them both falling to the floor with a heavy thud.

Tsunetsuki-sempai quickly pushed her off herself, growling in annoyance. "HEY! Why are you attacking me now? Stupid pimply freak, just because you room with Negi-sensei, you can't—"

"S-Sorry," Hasegawa gasped, getting up fast. "But I can't stop to explain. I'm being pursued by—!" Then she saw Matoi's eyes had just widened to an impossibly gigantic size. "Oh, no. Not you too!"

Matoi's stare began to make that unnerving unexplainable sound.

_Jiiiiiiiii..._

"Get away from me!" Chisame took two very fast steps back.

"I... I... I'm so sorry!" Matoi broke out, in a fascinated, feverish eager tone. "I'm such a real bitch at times! I must make up for treating such you so harshly, Chisame-sama! It's not your fault you're living with Negi-sensei. It was destiny that brought you two together! You make such a beautiful couple! Oh, Chisameeeee-samaaaaaaaa!" she exclaimed, throwing herself at Hasegawa's feet and hugging her legs, causing her to yipe. "Let me be the eternal guardian of our, I mean, your love! I'll stand over your honeymoon bed all the way to your death! Unless you graciously decide to let me in too, and in that case, I'll be even more—"

"HANDS OFF HER, YOU OLD HAG!" Makie made an impressive Dynamic Entry, jumping in with a flying kick straight into her face, sending her rolling several feet away from her prey. "Chisame-chan only belongs to Negi-kun and me! Like an out of shape, blocky-bodied, gray, boyish Yandere like you would have a chance against a cutie like me!" she proudly patted herself on the hips, thrusting her butt out.

Kaede appeared out of nowhere behind her and gave her a not-so-playful-kinda-rough slap on the back of the head. "Sorry, Makie-dono, but no. You still lack the most basic thing a woman needs to earn love-de gozaru..."

Makie sniffed a few pained tears back, rubbing the bump being born on her head. "... Money?"

"Breasts," Kaede smiled sultrily, scooping Chisame up with an arm and pulling her between her large mounds before she could break free, keeping her firmly grabbed in place. "Ahhhhh, Chisame-dono... Allow me to be your lowly, faithful retainer...!"

"Can't... breathe, you idiot...!" Chisame began kicking against her.

Haruna grabbed her by another arm and tugged her toward herself and the other librarians. "Back off, Nagase! We're her next door neighbors, and we've got the advantage in numbers!"

"Love is being stupid together," Yue quoted Paul Valery, "And no one's more stupid than Baka Black!"

"Baka Pink is even more stupid!" Makie shrieked.

"Boys are dumber than women, so I'm the most stupid one here," Negi gracefully yanked Chisame away from Haruna's grip, hugging her against himself with a natural lover's attitude and posing such that Hasegawa blushed and sweated bullets. "I'll never renounce to her warm loving body in my bed... or vice-versa!"

At these words, Nodoka urgently pressed a handkerchief against her nose for some reason. Matoi fainted down with a delirious coo. Haruna's jaw hung open wide, drool leaking out of one of its corners. Yue's face became several shades of red. Makie pressed her fists against her chest as if preventing her heart from bursting out free and flying to the Moon. Kaede chuckled lecherously. Misa panted, her fingers tapping over the pocket where she kept her Pactio card.

Ku Fei, on the other hand, was more practical. She quickly tore her shirt off, revealing her simple white bra, and breathed heavily, her emerald eyes shining like supernovas.

"First come, first served-aru!" she announced, and then leaped ahead.

"A dinner of two dishes!" Haruna raced for Negi and Chisame as well.

"Chisame, Sensei!" Yue joined the charge. "As Iris Murdoch said, we only can learn to love by loving!"

"For the Miroku ninja clan!" Kaede cried, tugging at her own clothes.

"What! What? What. What. What?" Chisame repeated, with her mind pretty much broken, as the girls zoomed toward her and her whole life began to flash before her eyes... right before Asuna passed by, running, and pulled her along by a hand and off Negi's arms, running past everyone else, stampeding over Makie and Matoi and elbowing the surprised Kaede out her way to get her out of the path.

"GAH!" Ku Fei was startled. "Asuna doesn't want to share!"

"AFTER THEM!" Negi aimed with his staff.

"Yes, Sensei!" his students chorused, and the chase was on.

Chisame began to regain her mind and senses as Asuna dragged her along with herself. "Kuh-Kagurazaka! You aren't planning to take me to some private place where you can overpower me and make me yours, are you?"

Asuna growled. "You're a pathetic, no-life, ungrateful geek, and I'm only saving you because of pity!"

Chisame sighed with relief. "Thank God! You're SANE!"

"And you'll never have another chance to get laid in your life after this!" Asuna added.

"... Okay, I believe you. You aren't in sudden love with me. You don't need to—"

"And you look like a dork with those giant-ass glasses! And you're rude, and standoffish, and—"

"Okay, Asuna, I told you I got it!"

"And boring, and selfish, and stubborn, and—!"

"LESS TALKING MORE RUNNING, ASUNA!"

* * *

 

**Act 9:**

Chisame wasn't wishing for their pursuers to catch up to them, God forbid it, but she still couldn't help but wondering how could Asuna have left them all behind, especially Kaede and Ku, so long behind and so easily while dragging her (the much slower her) around.

Maybe Kagurazaka was just that fast. Chisame knew she was almost as good a runner as Misora.

Maybe their chasers were simply too busy stumbling onto each other in their drunken lustftul stupor, or maybe they had started fighting each other over first dibs on her panties.

Whatever the case was, Chisame wasn't going to complain, though she _would_ much later.

She briefly asked herself if some deity was finally smiling down at her from above, but she quickly discarded the silly idea.

High, high in the Yggdrasil command centre, Skuld scowled, taking a good look at her screens and the readers of brain activity showcasing the scene.

"Sheesh, humans..." she muttered. "Try to be nice with them, and that's how they repay you..."

The young goddess turned Chisame's good luck dial down. She briefly eyed the d100, debating whether to roll something from the random encounter table, but decided that was too much.

Asuna still was running with the same energy, but Chisame was getting mighty tired from just having to move her feet behind her. "Can't... Can't we stop and hide somewhere to rest a bit?" she panted. "I... I think I can get home from there by myself, thanks..."

"Are you really thinking of going back home after this? That's the fist place they'll look!" Asuna told her. "No, we gotta keep you out of there until we figure what's going on. Until then, let's see, let's see..." she rummaged through her bonafide Baka Ranger brain for a good answer. Since this was a Baka Ranger brain, it started to overheat very quickly, chupacabras flashing error messages..

She had to screech to a halt as a fresh off-the-bath Chachamaru walked out of the communal baths, carrying a few neatly folded towels and washing items between her hands. "Chachamaru!" Asuna gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"I was helping the Master wash her hair and back, but it's time to feed the kittens, so she allowed me to go. Why, Kagurazaka-san?" she calmly asked back.

Asuna pushed the terrified Chisame ahead. "Are you in love with her?"

Chachamaru paused, checked her audio sensors for any irregularities, checked on her recent memory data banks to verify the question again, and only then finally asked in turn, her tone betraying the slightest puzzlement, "Pardon me?"

"Do you find her attractive?" the red haired girl inquired.

"She meets the basic standard social requirements of feminine appeal, even surpassing them comfortably in several areas," the gynoid analyzed, as if reporting the weather. "Although her facial skin condition is lacking, and her average public presentation in regard to clothes is severely deficient, not to mention her lack of a breast size, her overall figure is aesthetically pleasing, with a particular emphasis on her callipygian."

"Meaning?" Asuna blinked.

"She has a nice ass," Chachamaru stoically translated. Chisame choked on her own saliva.

"But you aren't in love with her, are you?" Asuna insisted.

"Negative. Kagurazaka-san, in case you two are in an established relationship, let me assure you I pose no danger to it. As for Hakase-san, while they do sleep together, often bathe together and share a common interest in a third party, I feel I can vouch for her—"

"Spoken like the Prof's daughter, yeah," Asuna waved a hand. "Thanks, Chachamaru. You can go now."

"Naturally," the green haired girl bowed very politely and left. Since she was a nice person, she didn't need to resist the urge to conceive the 0th law of robotics since she didn't get it in the first place, but it was a close thing.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?-!" a red faced Chisame yelled, forgetting the need to remain quiet.

"Just checkin', checkin'!" Asuna gestured for her to calm down. "Chachamaru isn't affected by that, and neither was I, so I think it's safe to say whatever magic made the girls and the brat fall in love with you lost its effect. With that in mind, I say we should hide at the baths. You never go in there, so they'll never think of looking for you there, will they? Plus, you always can hide among the crowd!"

"But Chachamaru is a robot! Of course she'd be immune! I think..."

"Geez, do you think _I'm_ a robot, too?-!"

"Obviously not, but—"

Then they heard lively steps coming down the hall, and a few voices calling for her.

"Chisameeeeeeee!" Makie sing-sang.

"My love, where are you...!" Yue invited.

"Chisame, I need to give you a few anatomy lessons...!" Negi sounded far, far less innocent than usual.

Chisame's teeth clattered. "Drat! Ayase sounds scary as hell when she's CHEERFUL! Okay!" She grabbed Asuna by an arm and ducked into the bath with her. "You win!"

* * *

 

**Act 10:**

Chisame, feeling justifiably paranoid by that time, had at first wondered again if Asuna really had no perverted designs of her own while they started to undress for the baths, but as she looked at her out of the corner of an eye, she saw, much to her relief, Kagurazaka was paying no attention to her or attempting to steal furtive lusty glances. The fact Asuna also had a damn fine ass of her own, with firm, round and jutting cheeks that sprang into Chisame's view as the redhead pulled her panties down, also registered in her mind, but she quickly decided to push that thought aside.

"Come on," Asuna finally smiled at her once they were naked, offering a hand to her. "I'm sure it'll be alright. I tell you, that effect must be over by now."

Chisame grumbled, wrapped a towel around herself, and walked by past her, ignoring the hand. "If it isn't, you'll pay for this," she promised.

Asuna shrugged and followed her, not bothering to cover herself, slinging her tower over a shoulder and walking out carelessly.

Chisame could feel... feel!... the curious gazes falling all over as she stiffly walked over to the water, reluctantly undoing her towel and sitting down next to Ayaka. She wasn't a small cute boy, so she figured she should have a better chance there than anywhere else.

"Hasegawa-san!" Ayaka blinked, truly amazed of seeing her there. "Now this is an unusual sight. Is your dorm's shower broken?"

"Yes, it is," Chisame nodded mechanically. She caught a glimpse of Zazie, sitting at Ayaka's other side, peering over Iincho's shoulders to look at her, and a shudder ran down her spine.

"Ah," Ayaka lamely said. "Um, does that... mean Negi-sensei will be using the public baths too? Because..." her voice had difficulties now, as if she couldn't quite focus on her former train of thought. Ah, that was good. Standard Ayaka reaction to thoughts of Negi naked. "You could have brought him here... he's not old enough yet to be a ... Although, well... Seeing you here for once is... fine as well..."

Chisame cringed. They were all directly looking at her now. Yuuna had stopped rubbing soap on herself– well, stopped soaping her leg anyway. Her soapy hand was still moving and where she was rubbing was getting a lot of attention. Akira had stopped swimming around (something she always did despite Iincho's warnings against it) and now had her head out of the water, staring intently at her. Chisame was somehow reminded of a crocodile. Misora and Cocone nearly pushed each other out of the way to get a better view of her.

Ayaka had just stopped talking, and now had that dreamy, starry-eyed gaze she usually only used at Negi's cutest moments of daily helplessness. Then, without a warning, she grabbed Chisame's hands and pulled them to herself, forcing them to cup her breasts.

Asuna bit her tongue. Crap, she had been wrong after all. Whoops.

"Chisame-san..." Ayaka huskily purred. "I never noticed it before, but your beauty almost eclipses Negi-sensei's..."

Chisame yelped, frantically pulling her hands back. "S-S-Sorry! The water's way too hot! I feel bad, gotta go!"

Then she had to fall back on her butt, forced to sit by a giggling naked Konoka jumping onto her back, hugging her midsection with amazing strength for someone her size. "Silly Chi-chan! If the water's too hot, the solution is agitating it so it'll cool down! Come on, everyone, let's refresh Chi-chan down! You too, Setchan!"

"M-Me?-!" Setsuna weakly squeaked from the corner she was at. "But I... I possibly couldn't..."

Then she actually looked at the gorgeous scene unfolding before her eyes and lost all will to resist. She was at their side in a second. "Could I softly blow all over your, I mean, her skin? That might help her feel cooler..."

"That's a great idea, Setchan!" Konoka giggled, beginning to gently blow all over Chisame's body, from her neck to her lower back, making her to squirm and tremble.

"ASUNA! HELP!"

* * *

 

**Act 11:**

**Interlude: The Joker's Valentine**

_Some secret digging campsite near Istanbul (not Constantinople!). Still:_

Talia al'Ghul smiled as she finished drying her hair off, wondering what would her Beloved be thinking of her Valentine gift right now, continents away from her. She missed him so much. Hopefully she'd get to see him again before Father got his wish and the oceans of the world ran red with the purifying blood of the masses sacrificed for the ultimate good. Maybe he'd even understand, if she could convince Father to spare his precious dark city. Honestly, what he saw in it, she'd never know, but...

Then she heard the terrified screams again.

With a sigh, the woman got up, finishing buttoning her shirt up before walking out of her tent. They came from the underground chamber. She knew it was a bad idea to bring the buffoon there. If only Father's allies weren't so insistent on it...

"What is going on?" she icily groaned, standing on the chamber's doorstep with Ubu swiftly stepping right behind her.

"— and then she teased, 'Take a stab at it', so I stabbed her with—" the pale man noticed her arrival and happily waved at her. "Oh, hello there, Tata! I was just sharing tender sentimental tales of old girlfriends with Quarty and the boys here! True, they say a true gentleman never kiss and tells, but I rarely kiss. It tends to ruin my lipstick, and you know that's always such a drag. Care to sit down and share your stories, too? I'd bet you have had some juicy things to say about Black Adam or whatever other capes you get around here."

"... Black Adam doesn't wear a cape," Ubu felt like pointing out.

Joker rolled his eyes at the utter lack of getting the point.

The guards and researchers of the chamber were desperately trying to worm away from him, drilling themselves into the walls while yelling in Arabic.

_"He's the devil himself!"_

"Praised Ra's, why have you forsaken us?"

"I feel like my mind is about to explode!"

 One of them smirked, amused. _"I think he's rather funny!"_

One of his colleagues hissed at him. _"You're a sick, sick dog, Hashid!"_

The boy floating inside of the cylinder, however, now had a rather placid smile plastered across his immobile face.

* * *

 

**Act 12:**

All the other classes gathered at the communal baths began to quickly surround 2-A's area, lured in by the sudden screams. Loud shouting was nothing new coming from 2-A, but the urgency and despair conveyed that time was still out of the usual, even for them.

The crowd of girls stopped like a single woman, fascinated by the angelic vision in their midst. The most gorgeous girl ever was the target of 2-A's affections, with Konoka nearly piggybacking on her, nuzzling herself against her neck, while Sakurazaki softly blew all over her right arm, and Yukihiro Ayaka kissed up and down her left arm. Zazie Rainyday tried to kiss her right foot, despite the dreamy girl's repeated kicks to her head, and Murakami Natsumi had hugged her left leg and wasn't letting it go, rubbing her cheek against the knee. The rest of the class worshipped in a semi circle around them, struggling against each other to gain better access and views.

Asuna was trying to protest and yank the centre of attention away and to safety, but Mana easily kept her at arm's length while barely trying.

"Who is that... huh... appalling beauty in their midst, Yukino?" the Vice-President of the Student Council herself, Suzushiro Haruka, asked while attempting to hold on to something of her usual air of dignity.

"The correct word is 'appealing', Haruka-chan..." Yukino breathed huskily, barely able to focus enough on correcting her Sempai's habitual malaphorisms. "Oh, and so very appealing... so frail and defenseless in the face of perversity..."

"I concur..." Haruka nodded and rasped. "You there! Unhand that poor girl right now!"

Ayaka shot her a highly annoyed stare. "Suzushiro-sempai, your authority doesn't allow you to step into our class's private activities. As Class Rep for 2-A, I feel obliged to gently but firmly ask you to leave us to our own devices."

"In terms even you can understand, piss off," Yuuna snarled, possessively clutching herself to Chisame's front, making her to yipe as their breasts mashed together.

"What?-! H-How dare you!" Haruka was now highly offended. "My duty is to protect all students, and that includes victims of lecherous ruffians like you!" she quickly stepped ahead and violently yanked the stunned Chisame away from her classmates, stepping back with her. She gently caressed her right cheek, "There, there, everything will be okay now. What was your name again...?"

"Hasegawa Chisame, Seat Number 25," Yukino helpfully supplied, discreetly slipping right behind Chisame, who cringed while feeling a soft small hand running uncomfortably down her back.

"What a gorgeous name," Haruka mused, vaguely thanking her private living encyclopedia with a nod.

"Hey, hands off our classmate, you jerks!" Kazumi growled.

"Yeah, who gave you the right to just waltz in and kidnap her away?" Yuuna fumed, her developing chest going up and down angrily.

"Help," Chisame weakly voiced, to no one in particular.

"See? She's asking for our help..." Satsuki pointed out.

"Not yours!" Chisame quickly regained her voice.

From another class, a tall and very pretty girl with long dark brown hair shouted, "How vulgar of you all, 2-A! Two demerits for each one of you! First you all but forget and ignore poor Hasegawa-sama, I mean, -san, for so long, and now you seek to ravish her when her beauty blooms in full force! Ecchi! Hentai! Followers of Over Master and Shadow Crystal Mage!" she remarked each insult with growing vigor, just as she stepped closer to Chisame, finally actually pushing Haruka out of the way and hugged Hasegawa against herself. "But rest assured I, Hall Monitor Kotegawa Yui, will never allow you to get away with it!"

"You're as bad as them!" Chisame struggled free, panting madly.

Mana grinned insanely, grabbing a nearby mop and twirling it around expertly, like a weapon. "Looks like we'll have to solve this by force... Shiho!" she called out.

"Right behind you, Oneesama!" her apprentice lined up, several wards of charged paper between her fingers.

"All fine with me!" Haruka would have rolled her sleeves up had she been wearing anything at all. As it was, Chisame tried to take advantage of their momentary distraction, but had her attempted escape cut very short when a tiny, thin and flat girl with her light brown hair made into pigtails appeared out of nowhere blocking her path. It was almost as if she had just teleported...

"Hasegawa-samaaaaaaaa!" the girl cried out with her very odd sounding voice, hugging her and burying her face against her navel, creepily licking it up and down. "Join Mikoto-Oneesama and me at the unending fields of womanly pleasures...!"

Angrily, another, almost as flat girl with very short and messy brown hair snatched Chisame away from her and towards herself. "Get lost, Kuroko! You know I have no interest in you, never have, never will!" She protectively hugged Chisame. "Calm down, Sempai. I'll protect you no matter what..."

"B-B-But Onee-sama...!" the one named Kuroko whined.

"Who the hell are you?-!-?" Chisame demanded to know, elbowing them aside and backing into the only available empty place... a corner. "S-S-S-Stay back, everyone! I warn you! Or I, I'll do something so hideous you'll talk about it for years!"

"Like what?" Naba Chizuru calmly asked.

"Yeah, like what, Chisame?" Kazumi inquired.

"Well, ah, I, umm, uhhhh—" she thought frantically. "I'll start giving dramatic readings of Stephenie Meyer books!"

Everyone stared at her in horror, and for a moment, Chisame thought she'd actually managed to disgust them enough to leave her alone.

Then she felt two pairs of arms firmly grabbing her from behind, and four small pointy and hard things poking against her back. Again, she shuddered, almost fainting when she felt the simultaneous breaths and whispers in each ear of hers.

"Don't struggle, Hasegawa Chisame..." Evangeline darkly, yet lovingly, cooed from her right side. "I'll be your Edward…"

"Or better yet, do it. It'll make the final reward that much sweeter," Suzumiya Haruhi-sempai asked with a malicious chuckle from her other side, Asahina Mikuru-sempai nervously breathing and out behind her, almost making a continued soft 'Boing, Boing' sound.

Chisame frantically tried to think for an exit, or at least a silver lining in the stark darkness of her situation.

The best she could come up was, at the very least, Class 2-F wasn't there now.

* * *

 

**Interlude: Itoshiki-sensei's Valentine, Part 1**

_Classroom 2-F:_

He looked at the empty chocolate box, then calmly stared at the happy looking brown skinned girl standing before him, who was licking the final few chocolatey spots off her lips. "Maria-san..." he started.

"¿Si, Señor?"

He fatherly ran a hand through her black hair. "Thank you. I was in dire needs for an empty box of this size and shape." He actually tried his damn best to sound sincere.

She smiled rather cutely. "Glad to be of help...!"

He hesitated. "So... Did you eat anything else for dinner?"

A shake of head. "No, Señor. Los chocolates son very expensive."

A sigh. "Sit over there. I'll buy you some takeout as soon as I finish with everyone else..."

* * *

 

**Act 13:**

Sakurako's heart beat frantically as Hakase led her into her dorm. Satomi didn't seem to mind much, expertly walking among the pieces, half-done machines and oil spots littering the floor. "Forgive the place's current status, please. Chisame hasn't had too much time to clean lately. I've been thinking of bringing Chachamaru over to help with the chores, but Evangeline won't even hear about it..."

"Ah-hah, sure," Sakurako barely paid any attention, being too busy staring nervously at her package of chocolates.

"Chamo-san! Chamo-san!" Hakase was calling, looking into the underwear drawers first, then everywhere else. "Huh, looks like he's gone for the whole afternoon again..."

"Negi-kun's pet?" the cheerleader asked.

"Yes. I figure he must be out... playing as usual."

Not too far, Chamo chuckled while pilfering Shizuna-sensei's newest set of undies. He was having the time of his life! All he had to do was avoiding getting carried away and staying out until nightfall. The nights weren't safe anymore. All sort of vigilante freaks were on the loose now...

Satomi sat down at the edge of her bed and patted the mattress next to her, inviting Sakurako to sit down as well, with a tranquil smile. After a moment of hesitation, the other girl silently obeyed. It was clear from Hakase's expression she was seeing nothing compromising or steamy about of the situation. She only wanted to sit down and talk, obviously. Well, and to eat chocolate.

"So, can we eat now?" she asked, extending a hand. "Chisame usually cooks something upon arriving, but there's no reason we can't have a snack beforehand."

"D-Do you mean the chocolates?" Sakurako asked.

"What else?" Satomi asked in turn. "Oh, you want to leave them for after the dinner? Shall I call Chao and order some buns instead, then?"

"No! No!" Sakurako waved a hand, struggling to let out a chuckle out. Madoka's recriminations had started to blare hard in her head. "The chocolates... will be okay."

She extended the package over to her with slightly trembling hands. As Hakase innocently accepted it and began to open it up, the feelings of doubt crept in much harder through the other girl. Madoka was right. That wasn't true love at all. It was manipulation, and a betrayal of Satomi's trust. Ahhhhh! But she looked so cute, taking the first piece in her small pale hands! And then slowly, oh so very slowly, taking it up towards her mouth! That little mouth, with its soft pink lips, which were almost engulfing the chocolate now! She possibly couldn't... possibly couldn't...

"NO!" Sakurako grabbed the chocolate at the last second, jerking it away from Hakase's mouth.

"Shii— Sakurako-chan?" the scientist was confused.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do it!" the cheerleader threw the package to the floor. "I should have listened to Madoka! Satomi, I did a horrible thing!"

"Come on, it couldn't be worse than my chocolate...!" Hakase laughed it off. "It came out so bad, I had to ask Satsuki for a batch for—"

"No, it's not that! I did something abominable! I-I put a potion a guy sold me into them! I-I-I was told that'd made you to fall into eternal love with me!"

"Seriously?" Satomi seemed much more curious than angry. "Intriguing. Is it some sort of aphrodisiac agent? I normally place little interest on chemistry, but recent events have—"

"You aren't furious at me?" Sakurako was in utter disbelief.

"Ah? Why?"

She couldn't be that dense, could she? And yet, that made her so much even _cuter_...

"I was about to drug you!" Shiina cried. "I was this close to taking advantage of you!"

"Oh. Yes. When you put it that way, it IS morally blameworthy, but they told me the same thing when I created that microscopic nanomachine civilization in a test box and then brought fiery—"

Sakurako's eyes swirled. "D-Don't you even care?-!"

Hakase only patted her head. "I do. Don't ever do it again," she asked.

Shiina sniffed. "Is... Is that all you'll say?"

"You felt unsure about my feelings? It's okay. I'm used to people thinking I have no feelings. Once, I was even proud of it. Mind, from now on, I don't want you to think that ever again. But I guess it's also my fault, since I'm not as emotionally open as you'd probably hoped from our relationship."

Sakurako sweated hard. "Oh, no! It's all my fault! I was an idiot by wanting to go that fast! I took a terrible misstep, and I'm so lucky you're such an understanding—" She paused. "Satomi-chan... What are you doing?"

The other student had just picked the box up and pulled another chocolate out. "What I always do. Experimenting."

Sakurako yelped as she saw her swallowing the chocolate in a single gulp.

Hakase looked at her again and smiled. "Sakurako, it's okay. I'm sure this 'potion' is only a fake." Even after her adventures with Negi, old rational habits DID die hard. "But... even if it isn't, I wouldn't... ummmm... mind... falling in... love with you, " she awkwardly confessed, looking down in shame. "And... And I really don't feel any different about it now, so I guess... if this concoction does really have an effect, then I was already in love with y—"

"Satomi," Sakurako's voice came as needy and husky now.

"Y-Yes?" the teen genius shyly looked up.

Sakurako's eyes were very different now. Full of a sudden revitalized zeal.

"Be mine, please!" she begged, and then tackled her into the bed.

* * *

 

**Interlude: Anya's Valentine**

_London:_

Jason Blood gave a dry, mildly curious look at his current protégé as he walked into the library, seeing her hunched over her laptop. Children of that age and their silly playthings.

"Contacting young Mr. Springfield, I assume?" he asked, blowing on his cup of black coffee and taking the first sip from it.

"Ah-hah," she grumbled, scowling, without looking back at him. "Kind of."

"Is it because—"

"IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT'S VALENTINE'S TODAY! LIKE I COULD EVER FEEL THAT KIND OF LOVE FOR THAT MORON! AND BESIDES, LIKE HE'D EVEN NOTICE ANYWAY!" she immediately exploded.

Even for a man who kept a former overlord of Hell secretly chained down inside of himself, she was scary at times. "... Well. I suppose that answers my question."

There was an angry sniff. "Every year the same thing..." she muttered. "Never understanding the idea behind the date. It made me so furious I had to bash them down on his head... What, did he expect for me to spell it out for him? He'd only get the wrong idea in any case! I only gave him the chocolates out of pity!"

"Obviously," Blood kept his namesake cold. "Then, did you finally convince him to get himself a 'Facebook' page?"

"Fat chance. But his useless ermine friend's got one. Just checking it out of boredom and seeing if I can get news on the big baby." She huffed. "Huh. The ermine's just given me a link. Says it's the page of one of Negi's roommates..."

Blood soon noticed his protege's choked gasps and looked over her shoulder, casually eyeing the images now filling her screen. "A lovely young lady, certainly..." he said in a completely detached voice. He was old and immortal, not _dead_.

"Negi's living with an Internet pornstar!" Anya despaired, her face wildly shifting back and forth between pure red and livid white.

"I wouldn't call it 'pornography'," Blood shrugged casually. "Not that you should be uttering such words anyway. But she's still fully dressed... well, not so much in this particular image, but... Huh, I can see some cause for your concerns, but still... Oh, Japanese laws in this regard must be laxer than I remembered. Last time I was at that country, I saw... Never mind, they have always been THAT bad... there was the one about the octopus…"

Anya's fingers clawed at the keyboard. "Negi's been sent to a country of moral debauchery under the wing of a succubus queen!"

"It could be worse, " the demonologist helpfully offered. "I once tutored a boy who had been assigned to Thailand. Helping people at the slums. I swear, I had to hand him over to Constantine, he had been left that bad..."

"You aren't helping a whole lot, Mr. Blood."

* * *

 

**Act 14:**

Satomi was in shock for a few moments as Sakurako crawled all over her, firmly wrapping herself around her body in a tight hug, kissing her face all over as her hands unbuttoned Hakase's shirt as quick as they could. For a moment she actually considered surrendering and experimenting with the no doubt curious and noteworthy results of that physical exploration. She could learn a few new things, first hand, on the subjects of physical sensation, and maybe even outfit Chachamaru with properly parallel responses as well. The worrying question of why would she do such a thing in the first place flew by past her, and even if she had stopped to think about them, she'd just have replied "For Science!"

But as Shiina caressed her tummy with a hand and tugged her own shirt off with the other, Hakase remembered something. "W-Wait. Stop, " she pleaded, gesturing up with a hand. "N-No. Not right now. Not like this. W-We aren't ready yet..."

"I am!" Sakurako panted, her face flushed. Then she asked with major disappointment, "Aren't you?"

"S-Sakurako! There's still so much you don't know about me! I have things I need to confess to before we take this relationship any further!"

The cheerleader went back to trying to strip her. "Good! Tell me all while I do this for you! It'll make it all so much kinkier!"

"Sakurako, that doesn't sound like you talking! You sound like... uhhh... Suzumiya-sempai! Or Haruna! Or Chamo-san!"

A brief confused pause at that last sentence. "The ermine?"

"Uh, n-never mind. What I mean is, you're scaring me, and I don't even get scared when the protoplasm is getting out of the test tube and starts making murderous faces at me!" she backed away, pulling her shirt back on. "And like I said, I still have many secrets I need to share with you before we can dream of considering ourselves a couple!"

"Then tell me!" she urged. "I'm willing to hear anything!"

"It's not that easy! They're private, very delicate secrets that also involve other people... I don't know if I should tell you without consulting them first..."

Sakurako recoiled with a sudden sense of dread, the genuine emotion actually managing to cut through the artificial haze. "Do... Do you mean... you already sleep with someone else?"

Hakase, being only actually familiar with the traditional, literal sense of 'sleeping with someone', gave her a puzzled look. "Yes... Yes, I do. But what does that have to do with—"

"Oh my God!" Sakurako gasped. "D-Do you sleep with Negi-kun?-!"

"Yes... well, yes, I do. Lately, I've been sleeping with Chisame, too. I suppose Sensei's habits are rubbing off on me, because I end up sneaking into her bunk and then we—"

"The three of you?-!" Shiina gawked.

"Yes."

"Every night?-!"

A dumb smile. "It feels very good, actually. Warm and comfortable, like—"

Sakurako interrupted her again, hugging her once more. "I'LL COPE!"

"... What?"

"Negi-kun is very cute, after all! And if she prettied herself up, Chisame almost could look like Chiu-sama! Anything that makes you happy! All I'm asking for is to allow me move in here and do it with you! It's almost like asking nothing!" she rubbed herself up and down Hakase's front.

The scientist blinked without any clue. "Do you happen to suffer from nocturnal disturbances as well? I guess it can be done... All three of us slept with Chisame's older sister once, after all..."

Even in her drugged stupor, Shiina was shocked. "Chisame? With her sister?"

"Yes. Why?"

Sakurako thought long and hard about it before only shrugging her shoulders. "Kinky." A new hug. "Can we bring Misa too? She's dying for a shot at Negi-kun..."

"I don't think the bunk is quite big enough for five people... Plus, Chamo-san might die due to massive loss of blood through his nasal cavities..."

Then, a knock at the door. Sakurako didn't bother to cover her half-nudity as she ran for it. "Oh, it must be them! This is gonna be great!"

As she opened, however, she was disappointed to see one of Urahara-sama's employees standing there instead. Although the girl **was** cute in her own way... "Ururu-chan? What are you doing here?"

"Good afternoon," the black haired visitor with the huge, black, sad eyes bowed. "Who... which one of you ate the chocolate?"

"Um, I did," Hakase raised a hand. "Why?"

Ururu walked past Sakurako, holding a small bottle full with a green liquid up. "Antidote," she simply said.

Then she grabbed Hakase by the neck and forced the liquid down her throat without missing a beat.

* * *

 

**Interlude: Sakura's Valentine**

As Sakura stepped back into the dorm, holding her hands firmly over her chest, Rin looked up from her thick arcane book, pushing her reading glasses up her nose. "Well?" the older sister evenly asked. "Did you get to do it?"

Sakura only nodded with an embarrassed, small smile. "Yes. Yes, I did."

From his corner, Vigilante stopped cutting up the newspaper and looked up at her. "Well, congratulations! And what did he say?"

"Well, he thanked me, of course. Emiya-sempai's kind like that..."

Rin arched an eyebrow. "And?"

Her younger sister blinked. "What do you mean with 'and'?"

"What did you do later?" the Servant pressed on, sounding maybe a bit too interested.

"We went our separate ways, of course. Why?" she innocently asked.

Rin and Vigilante facepalmed themselves in unison.

"Ah, that's good!" Sakura clapped. "A Master's soul should always resonate exactly with their Servant's!"

Rin and Vigilante were all but practically on her right then.

"Sakura, you'll never get anywhere with that attitude! You know Emiya's far too dense to get anything but the most direct approach!"

"What about all we told you about finding your inner courage?" the feathered being asked. "About fighting on and giving your all?"

"Y-You only told me to find my courage to punch him in the face if he stepped out of line!" the confused Sakura stammered.

Vigilante sighed, going back to his corner and his scissors. "One thing doesn't exclude the other!" He held the just cut off article for her to see. "By the way, do you think this will look better on the fridge, or at my room's door?"

Sakura carefully eyed the article. "Maybe you should cut the title off. 'WINGED FREAK TERRORIZES CITY' seems kinda harsh and inaccurate. You don't even have wings..."

The duck nodded in agreement, putting the scissors back to work. "True, true."

Rin huffed, reaching for the cookie war and taking a bite out of a chocolate sprinkled delight. "I wish you'd stop doing that. We should be getting ready for the Grail War, and we can't do that if you spend all your nights going out and punching cheap punks in the face instead."

"It's what I do! I'm a Vigilante!"

"I don't care! You're only wasting your Mana on frivolous tasks, and I don't look forward to recharging it that soon!" Rin exposed.

Sakura blushed crimson. "O-Oneesama! I thought you weren't going to—!"

"I-I-I won't! Not THAT way!" Rin blushed back. "I told you, a true, magically expert Master doesn't need to resort to... THAT to recharge a Servant!"

"Thank God," Vigilante muttered.

"Shut up!" Rin barked. "Still, it'd be a bother, having to recharge you just because you overstepped your boundaries!"

"Hah!" he feigned a mocking laugh. "The Cause of Justice knows no boundaries!"

Sakura sat down next to him with vivid interest. "Vigilante-san, during your nightly raids, have you ever met Sailor V?"

"No. Never have," he admitted.

"Oh," she seemed somewhat disappointed. "But, if you ever do—"

"I'd bring her down for sure! The night belongs only to The Vigilante! I don't tolerate untrustworthy rogue watchmen in MY city!"

A world of distance away, the Batman felt like someone was somehow stepping into his turf. What? Did you think he'd sneeze? He hasn't even been mentioned by name in this chapter, for Pete's sake.

"Could you get me an autograph from her first?" Sakura hopefully asked.

"Oh, that? Of course," the Servant nodded.

"You just arrived less than two weeks ago," Rin angrily returned to her reading. "Don't act as if you own the whole city already!"

* * *

 

**Act 15:**

Chisame shuddered as she felt Eva and Haruhi's hands slowly running down her breasts, going lower and lower until they caressed her flat tummy and navel, and then finally going even lower, almost reaching for...

"S-STOP!" she struggled free since they were too distracted by their lust to continue holding her as tightly. "THIS CAN'T GO ON!"

"Now what?" an annoyed Evangeline groaned.

"I-I ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE!" Chisame raced for the closest excuse at mind. "Sorry, everyone, b-but I can't betray that person!"

Mana looked at Shiho. "I told you she was involved that way with Negi-sensei. Pay up."

Her apprentice mumbled. "I don't have money on me right now. Or clothes, for that matter."

"It's not him!" Chisame blushed harder than ever.

"Then who is it?" Kazumi distrusted.

"I... I can't say it! It's a secret!" Chisame claimed.

"It sounds like a lie," Haruka opined.

"Yes, you can read it on her face..." Yukino nodded.

"It's me," a voice said from the back. Everyone turned around with varying degrees of shock to see the still naked Asuna there, crossing her arms before her breasts, looking down bashfully.

"No way," Konoka gasped. "Asuna! No wonder you had started to spend so long with her!"

"Yeah," Asuna grimly nodded, walking up to the stunned, pale Chisame and then whispering into her right ear what to the outsiders seemed to be a few sweet nothings. In truth, it was an angry "Play along, you idiot! I'm your only hope of getting out of here with your virginity intact!"

Hasegawa doubted, but hesitantly nodded. "Yes. Yes, it's true. Asuna and me have been... an item for some time now."

A mind-numbed collective silence fell all over the baths.

Yuuna's eyes were gigantic saucers for a second, but then she grinned and gave Asuna a giant thumbs up. "Congrats, Asuna! Whatta catch!"

"B-B-But Hasegawa-sama isn't an old man! It doesn't compute!" Ayaka sputtered. "Although she does act like a cranky old man at times... Is that enough?"

Evangeline's eyes narrowed viciously. "I'm still not believing it."

"Yeah," Haruhi scoffed. "I want to see an actual proof of it, myself."

"A kiss!" Fuuka said.

"Yes, yes! Kiss! Kiss!" Fumika bounced up and down in place.

Asuna and Chisame's faces twitched at random intervals. "K-K-Kiss...?-!-?" they chorused.

"A kiss between girlfriends isn't anything too extraordinary," Haruka scoffed.

"Yeah. Until we see it, I ain't buying it," Kuroko scowled deeply, hands on her narrow bare hips.

Asuna's left eyebrow quivered before she mechanically nodded and pulled the paralyzed anew Chisame into her arms, lowering her down a bit in a typical Latin Lover pose. Both girls stared at each other's eyes for a moment, as if asking themselves how to escape that. Then Asuna felt Chisame's soft, nearly intoxicating breath into her face, and only then the realization of being fully naked and holding another fully naked girl in her arms, about to kiss her, sank into her.

Perhaps it was the residual effect of the potion floating on Chisame's breath finally getting to Kagurazaka, but right then, she thought she never had seen anything that beautiful before.

Delicately, she placed her lips on Chisame's.

The whole crowd of bathing students gawked hard.

Chisame's eyes filled themselves with bitter tears of indignation, but as her breath flowed back into her through Asuna's kiss, which grew more passionate by the moment, the potion's effect hit her back a little, making her feel weak in the knees. She let herself go, kissing back in a way she hadn't tried with Negi before. She almost felt disappointed when Asuna broke the kiss, licking their mixed saliva off her lips, and only after did the guilt and shame over the event washed over her like icy water.

"So..." Asuna chuckled awkwardly for the whole crowd, "S-See? Told ya so. Well, we gotta girly pairing things to do elsewhere, like, umm, shopping and sex and stuff, so if you'll excuse us..." she quickly pulled a towel around her own body, another one around the frozen Chisame's, gathered their things up, and headed back for the door, pushing Hasegawa ahead of herself. "Sorry about breaking your hearts, but I'm sure you'll find your own special others! Bye!" She hurriedly closed the door behind them.

The girls left behind stared at the door with huge blank eyes.

"I'll... I'll never love again...!" Mikuru whined.

"Fumika! Consolation!" Fuuka bawled, throwing herself into her sister's arms.

"O-Oneechan, not here!" Fumika said, blushing furiously as she kept her depressed sister's mouth away from anyplace incriminating.

"Asuna-san, why must you take away all my sources of happiness!" Ayaka began to bite into her towel.

Then, however, the loud scream of a recovered Chisame came from the outside. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!-!-?-? WE'LL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN!"

"Lovers spat!" Misora's eyes sparkled.

"Our big chance," Cocone reverently breathed.

"Every woman for herself!" Haruhi madly dashed for the door.

Not wasting any time to bother about trivial mundane things like clothes in the pursuit for true love, everyone followed her without wasting a second.

In the now-empty baths, Chao whistled pleasantly to herself as she continued her bathing as if nothing was going on. After the time _she'd_ been the one dosed with potion, she'd learned to just stay the hell out of the way…

* * *

 

**Interlude: Roberta's Valentine**

"Where's Siesta? She should be here, too," Fabiola Iglesias nervously whispered to Roberta as she and Taeko sat expectantly, waiting for Fubuki-san's announcement.

"Ojou-sama gave her the afternoon and evening free," the tall Colombian maid droned, sitting perfectly straight with her hands on her lap. Then her gaze briefly shifted to Taeko, betraying some annoyance as her busty bespectacled fellow maid giggled softly, her large eyes fixed on her newspaper. "Taeko-san, composure! What is so funny? Those bogus headlines about the vigilante winged freak? You know things like that only happens in the US!"

"Ah, ah, sorry. I only was reading through the funny strips. Ah! Roberta-san, look at the horoscope! It says there's a good chance you may meet your true love today!" Taeko almost jumped in place with her usual childish glee.

"Ridiculous," the tallest maid scowled. "Have you been listening to Konoe-san's fervent rants on magic again?"

Seriously, Konoe-san was one of Ojou-sama's more tolerable classmates, but even so...

"What... what does it say about Ojou-sama's sign, in any case?" Roberta finally added, after a short moment of dry hesitation.

"Hmmmm," Taeko eyed the newspaper again, scowling a bit. "High probabilities of falling in unchecked lust with fellow of the same gender leading to nude Skinship Grope."

"Nonsense," Roberta and Fabiola agreed.

Fubuki-san walked in at last, clapping her hands to catch her attention. "Pay attention, please! I'll be brief, since this is a short snippet and we're taking too much time away from the main plot as it is."

"What?" Taeko blinked.

"No time for such explanations," the lead maid sternly insisted. "Anyway, I have gathered all of you here because we'll have a new assistant at the Manor for a while. Yukihiro-sama has appointed a financial consultant for Ojou-sama until she learns to control her investment impulses."

"You mean a guy who will control her so she won't buy any more jet airplanes, then paint them all over with Negi-sensei's face and stashing them away until it's time to give them as his birthday gifts?" Taeko asked.

Fubuki nodded. "In layman terms, yes. So, I'd like you all to give a warm welcome to Okajima Rokuro-sama"

That was the cue for a young looking, black haired, well dressed and shyly smiling Japanese office man to walk in, politely bowing to the maid team. "Good afternoon. I look forward to a healthy working relationship with you all while we perform our duties here..."

Roberta's face remained expressionless for a moment. Then it remained expressionless, but her eyebrows twitched a bit. It was still expressionless when she pulled a Glock out of her skirt and trained it on the newcomer's forehead. "You won't be my true love," she flatly declared.

"Gah! Gah, Gah, GAH?-!" the Yukihiro Zaibatsu employee stammered in paralyzed terror.

Fubuki sighed. "Really, Roberta-san, you need to stop greeting our co-workers this way!"

* * *

 

**Interlude: Itoshiki-sensei's Valentine, Part 2**

Another sigh escaped Despair-sensei's lips as he accepted Kafuka's chocolates, then watching her happily skipping back to her seat. "I don't know how you can do this every year..."

"We don't. Last year we were taught by Jinroku-sensei, remember?" Manami asked. "And no offense to him, but he's... ahhhh..."

"An ugly old fart," Mayo whispered.

"Basically, yes," Manami nodded.

"I don't mean that," Itoshiki replied. "Don't you think it'd be for the best to celebrate this date once each four years?"

"Once each FOUR years?" Nami incredulously echoed.

"If it was that way, everyone would put more effort into it," the teacher mused. "It'd make the passion grow, just like with the Olympic Games or the Soccer World Cup!"

"That might be true, but..." Chiri doubted. "In four years, we wouldn't be studying under you anymore."

"I'll endure it," Nozomu deadpanned. "And not only that. Christmas should be once each four years as well!"

"Still haven't gotten over that incident with Kasuga-san at that party?" Kaere questioned. Upon being reminded of the rumored incident, Chiri briefly popped a vein up on her forehead, her eyes becoming deadly for half a second.

"Here, Sensei," Nami calmly offered him her package. "I know it's a bother, but accept it, please." As he opened the box, she blushed. "I know it's a bit badly done, but..."

"Don't worry. It's normal for a girl your age to be unskilled at this," he tried to sooth her down, only getting the opposite effect.

"DON'T CALL ME 'NORMAL'!" she cried.

Chiri looked over her shoulder at the gift. "What? Seriously, couldn't you do something better than that?"

Nami pouted. "I suppose you used a perfectly exact mold for yours..."

"Of course," Chiri proudly stated. "Accuracy and precision are key when you want to show you care about doing something." She placed her package on Nozomu's desk. "Here it is, Sensei. I made it all by myself!"

Itoshiki opened it, only to sweat and gulp at its content. A perfect, 1/1 scaled copy of an adult human heart sculpted in chocolate was there, displayed in disturbingly detailed fashion. You almost could hear it thumping.

"W-What is this?" the teacher babbled.

"You need to ask?" Chiri blinked. "That is... a heart. Didn't you know? I know it's not your specialty, but you should know the basics on human anatomy..."

"That's not the point!" Itoshiki protested.

"A real chocolate heart? It's far too exact!" Nami was aghast.

Harumi held a notebook up, showing him one of its pages. "She also draws hearts at letters and notes like this, too," the mangaka pointed at a little and also highly detailed pink heart at the end of a paragraph written with excellent, meticulous calligraphy. Nozomu gasped. Then the artist chuckled. "Do you want to see how she draws skulls? It's not for weak stomachs!"

"No, I'll trust your word on it, thanks," he politely declined.

* * *

 

**Act 16:**

"This is all your fault, you know!" Asuna yelled while running as fast as she could, Misora almost catching up to her, and that was only because the other pursuers kept on getting on her way and her mind was too clouded by passion for thinking of using her Pactio.

"Mine?-!" Chisame shrieked as she was being pulled around by Asuna, barely being able to keep the pace up despite moving her feet like never before. "If you had just thought of anything else but smooching me, I wouldn't have had that natural, perfectly understandable reaction!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, if you hadn't eaten that damn chocolate in the first place, we wouldn't even be here!" Asuna shouted at her.

"Then Negi-sensei would have eaten it!" Chisame pointed out. "And he'd be the one chased around by lustful hordes! And he'd be in therapy for decades after! So I have no regrets!" A beat. "Except for kissing you."

"Right."

"And being fondled by Suzumiya and Eva," Hasegawa added.

"Right."

"And being forced to fondle Iinchou..."

"It sucks being you!" Asuna confirmed.

The crowd was gaining ground on them through the by now deserted halls of that wing of Mahora.

"Quick, Kasuga is almost grabbing her—!"

"She'll beat us all to it!"

"How can she go that fast? Dammit, I should have listened to Mom and joined an athletic club!"

"Yukino! What is your hand doing in my—"

"S-So sorry, Haruka-chan! I needed something to tide me over in the meantime!"

A few halls away, two high school boys lazily dragged their feet heading belatedly back to home after a few hours of detention.

"Takashi, this school sucks," the chubby short one with glasses groaned. "All those women around, I tell you, man, it's like being outnumbered 100 to 1 in a shootout. Fujimura-sensei puts you in detention only by mispronouncing her name, Takagi-san and her posse will not stop henpecking us..."

"Yeah," his tall, handsome friend nodded. "That's life, Hirano. Truth be told, at times I almost wish I had been to that military school Dad kept threatening me with..."

Then they saw two drop dead gorgeous girls passing running by, wearing only bath towels. The boys had not even finished swallowing hard when a huge group of girls in all different states of nudity and half-nudity, very few of them even bothering to fling clothes and towels over themselves as they ran, trampled all over them like antelopes stampeding over mice.

After they were gone as soon as they had appeared, and when the dust finally settled down, Hirano Kouta weakly lifted his head up from the floor. "Scratch that. I fucking love this school..."

Takashi nodded. "It has its moments, yeah..."

The crowd lost sight of their targets right after they doubled a corner.

"Huh?" Misora's gaze darted in all directions. "Where did they go?"

"That way, you idiots!" Evangeline pointed to a nearby window. "They escaped outside!"

"Oh my God!" Mikoto gasped. "They made a suicidal pact!"

"Itoshiki-sensei will be angry! That is his private spot!" Mikuru cried.

Just when they were about to rush for the window, however, a man came out of the nearest detention room, adjusting his glasses and then gasping in horror. The girls stared back, going pale with shock. The man's expression turned horribly angry to the point even Evangeline decided to stealthily slide away. Just to avoid annoying questions. Right.

"G-Good afternoon... Nitta-sensei..." Yuuna managed to squeak out.

The man's voice exploded like a volcano. "AKASHI! YOUR FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!"

"AIIIEEEE!" she shrilled. "No, don't tell Dad!"

Every last girl turned around and ran for life, spurred by the only primal emotion more powerful than lust. Panic.

"Even you, Kotegawa-kun! Suzushiro-kun! Yukihiro-san!" Niita waved a notebook around. "This will go into your records!"

"Crap, they have evidence on me!" Haruka bolted. "My promising political career!"

"You'll never catch us alive, old creep!" Haruhi tucked Mikuru under an arm and ran like the wind.

As the screams slowly died down inside, Asuna warily peeked up from between the branches of the tree they had just jumped into, trying to look through the window. "Looks like Nitta got rid of them. Good..." she whispered.

"Good? GOOD? Nothing about this is good!" Chisame pointed down at their towels and bundles of clothes, which had fallen to the ground way under them. A sudden chilly breeze hit her in the bare behind, and she shuddered. "Take us down there right now, before anyone sees us!"

"Which one of you is Hasegawa Chisame?" a shy, mousy female voice called from a branch below. Chisame nearly jumped, looking down to see a little girl in a white dress, with black hair and huge, pitiful eyes, sitting on that branch, looking up straight at her... With a yelp, Chisame covered her unmentionables with a hand.

"Who... Who are you?" Asuna warily asked.

A bow. "My name's Ururu. I was sent by Urahara-sama, who sold Kakizaki-sama her love potion," she meekly explained. "It seems she took the wrong concoction..."

Asuna's face twitched. "Love potion. Misa. Of course...!"

"H-How did you know I took the potion? And how did you know where I was?" Chisame wanted to know.

Ururu dropped her head. "Trade secret. Sorry." She held a small bottle full with a green liquid up. "Here's an antidote. Do you wa—"

Sending all caution to the darkest and hottest hell, Chisame forcefully yanked the bottle away and drank it all in almost a single gulp.

Asuna looked at Ururu hopefully. "Then, no one will remember anything of what happened after this, right?"

The little girl blinked. "What… What do you mean? This is an antidote, not a memory eraser..."

Both Chisame and Asuna froze in horror.

"The affected subjects will probably be confused about what they did, and most likely will try to act as if nothing had happened, knowing human nature, but they should retain most memories of the time they were under the influence..."

Asuna and Chisame had started bashing their heads against the trunk.

"Ummm... aren't you cold?" Ururu asked. "I could go fetch your clothes for you, if you want..."

**Act 17:**

**The Next Morning:**

Satomi's words barely registered in Chisame's troubled mind as they walked towards the school.

"— and that's why I think we should tell Sakurako about our usage of magic," the scientist was saying. "I mean, she has just been given proof of the existence of magical potions, her best friend already is on our secret, and I know we can trust her..."

"I'm still not too sure..." Negi sulked, trying to leave his memories of his improper behavior the day before behind. "This is something not to be taken lightly, Satomi-san. Getting inducted into the world of magic is a huge step for anyone..."

Chisame groaned while opening her locker, and cringed at the avalanche of love letters pouring out of it. Hakase adjusted her glasses to give it a better look. "Oh my. Looks like the old adage proves being true. Where there was fire, there's smoke..."

"Shut up!" Chisame clenched her teeth.

As they walked into the classroom, she could feel everyone but Madoka, Chao and Chachamaru's gazes falling awkwardly on her. Even Iinchou hesitated for a moment before greeting Negi in her usual cheerful way. It was as if everyone tried to pretend nothing at all had happened, not even daring to look into the reasons of their prior acts, but badly.

"What's the problem with everyone today?" Madoka asked to no one in particular and yet for anyone who wanted to answer. No one did.

Chisame sat down looking more miserable than ever, then shuddered as she felt THOSE EYES nailed on her back. From the seat right behind her, Tsunetsuki Matoi stared.

_Jiiiiiii..._

"SENSEI!" Chisame roared. "TAKE THIS GIRL BACK TO HER OWN CLASSROOM!"

Asuna noticed Misa's seat was empty. "So, why isn't she here today?"

"She asked for a free day," Sakurako told her. "She said she had urgent matters to attend to."

Asuna slammed her right fist on her left palm. "Pity. I had things I wanted to discuss with her, too. And her chocolate?"

"Someone took it away after you guys left, it seems," Shiina replied. "I only hope it doesn't cause more problems..."

Elsewhere, Nitta-sensei scowled, carrying the chocolate box he had found at Classroom 2-A after the incident with the students was solved. Solved for now, that was. He would get to the bottom of it, even if the Dean told him to overlook it. He also was annoyed students left their trash around like that. If they didn't want the chocolate, they always could give it to someone else.

Before entering the Dean's office, he looked down at the package.

He hadn't received Valentine chocolates in years.

His stomach grumbled. He hadn't taken a proper breakfast that morning, busy as he was with the incident's paperwork.

He figured it wouldn't hurt to eat a few of those chocolates.

Moments later, he entered the office. "Good morning, Headmaster-sensei! Regarding the events of yesterday's shameful student escapade, I have my report on it ready!" he barked like a well disciplined soldier.

The old man lifted his tired gaze from what he was writing. "Oh? Oh, hum, sure. Come closer and let me examine it, mind, Nitta-kun? I..." Then he paused, giving the younger man a better look.

"Something wrong, Headmaster-sensei?"

A brief cough. "... No. Nothing wrong. Take a seat, please."

Nitta obeyed as the old man casually walked to the door and locked it down.

The teacher squirmed in his chair for some reason. "Headmaster-sensei...? I don't intend to sound rude, but... why are you..." His face suddenly changed to utter panic mode. "... Taking your shirt off?-!"

Two seconds later, there was a Nitta-shaped hole in the door.

He would later run into Shizuna-sensei… and Taiga-sensei… and Yukari-sensei… and Mido-sensei… and–

* * *

 

**Epilogue**

Urahara was fanning himself and reading through an old travel guide to Soul Society when he heard the store's backdoor being kicked open. He carelessly looked up to see the purple haired girl standing at the doorstep, panting furiously, a set of glowing needles between each finger.

"Ah, good morning, Kakizaki-chan! Fancy seeing you back here so soon!" the fan nervously flapped over his face. "And that's quite a pretty dress you have there! A bit old fashioned for you, but still lovely. But shouldn't you be at school today?"

"SCHOOL'S OUT!" she roared while charging ahead.

Sitting right out of the door eating ice-cream, Jinta, Ururu and Tessai remained motionless as the screams began pouring out from the inside.

"Maybe we should help him?" Ururu shyly posed the question.

"You already did more than enough yesterday," Tessai sagely told her. "Let Urahara-dono to fight his own battles."

"This is why I'll never fall in love," the red haired boy nodded and took another mouthful of ice-cream.

* * *

 

**Epilogue 2: Whatever Happened to the Other Maid?**

Siesta's date with Hiraga Saito went wonderfully, by the way.

**End of Lesson**

* * *

 

NEXT STOP: LIBRARY ISLAND!

**Author's Notes:**

Nitta-sensei's fate was much harsher in the first draft. But Shadow Crystal Mage had pity on him, once again proving he's a much better man than me.

The events of _Death Note_ already happened years before in this universe, so don't ever expect to see Light or L. Maybe if I ever get to do that Ranma-centered prequel about how Haruna came to be burning at the back of my mind, they could guest star there, however.

Thanks to Japanese Teeth for suggesting the term "callipygian" to talk about Chisame's ass.

The chapter's first reference should be the most obscure one, so I'll just say it's a _Madoka Magica_ one.

See you next time!


	25. Lesson 22: By the Book, Negi! By the Book!

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite.

 _Soul Eater_ belongs to Okubo Atsushi.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A gigantically humongous new thank you to **Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this with his usual stylish grace.

Any non-parody, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Please review! And vote in the poll! And add to the TV Tropes Page!

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY TWO.**

* * *

 

**Act One:**

"Attention, everyone!" Negi called out as another day of classes started. "As you all know, the finals are just around the corner, so today we'll be having a big study session!"

Several groans and expressions of annoyance came from all corners of 2-A until Ayaka shut them all down with a few rounds of murderous glares (most Iinchou's have this as part of their basic power set. It is tangentially related to how cool their hair is. If you have suck hair, you lack this power).

"As a matter of fact, I've been told if you don't all pass the final test, we will be facing dire consequences," Negi stressed, since basically all his other attempts to get the class get serious about studying had failed miserably. He really should have known better, but they, he was an eternal optimist.

"What kind of dire consequences, Negi-sensei?" Kazumi asked.

"Uh..." he squirmed. "I'm not authorized to reveal that yet..."

Chisame arched an eyebrow. She recognized that attitude of his. It was the one he always put on while trying to hide something horribly awful.

"Anyway, regardless of the reason, let's all do our best at studying and ace that test!" the pint sized teacher energetically instructed. "After all, it will have a great impact on your future!" The class didn't look impressed. Negi tried frantically for a reason, and against all odds found one that would work. "After all, if you fail, 2-F will mock you relentlessly!"

This caused an instant reaction and uproar, not to mention a few more glares at Matoi, who ignored it.

"Said with all the presence of a true leader, Sensei!" Ayaka clapped.

From the seat right behind Chisame's, Tsunetsuki Matoi shrugged. "I'm sure I'll pass your test with flying colors..."

"You should!" the current target of her stalking grumbled. "You're supposed to be two courses above us!"

"Hey, hey!" Sakurako lifted a hand up. "I have a suggestion! We can play the game we always use to spur ourselves to study!"

Ayaka, Natsumi, Asuna and a few others tensed up in red alert.

"And that would be, Shiina-san...?" he asked.

"We call it 'Baseball Janken'!" Haruna interrupted cheerfully. "They used to play it at Mom and Dad's school, too. It's a simple game where you're punished by failing questions, so you'd better try your best to answer correctly."

"It sounds fun and educational," the boy approved with a smile and a nod. "Go for it!"

"Wait! No! There's something you must know about—!" Ayaka began, but her voice was drowned down by the party exclamations coming from almost everyone else.

Asuna had begun to dash for the door, but Misora caught her and dragged her back with Chizuru's help. "And where do you think you're going?" Kasuga asked. "You're the star player, remember?"

"Judas! Backstabber! Traitor! I'll give you baseball!" Asuna threatened, thrashing so angrily Kaede had to join the restraining efforts. "Gimme a bat and I'll go Barry Bonds on your flat butt! And you, Kaede?-! You know you'll suffer, too!"

Negi smiled at his students' antics while checking their chart of recent academic performance. Almost everyone should have been able to pass the test, although it was hard to say with Zazie, Evangeline and Setsuna. Still, there still were those five students who had not shown the needed level to pass the test yet. The so-called 'Baka Rangers'.

He gulped. If that situation kept itself up, he'd fail his own test for sure, as well. A single one of them flunking would mean he had failed at his mission. And he still couldn't find a way to get the likes of Makie and Asuna to show interest on the studies...

He was so absorbed by his worries he didn't notice anything else until a white brassiere flew down and landed on his head.

Negi blinked, checked if the silky thing currently slipping down on his face was indeed a bra, then yelped, jerking his head back to his students. What he saw there made him yelp once more.

A few of the girls were missing some articles of clothing, but most of them were still decent enough to be seen in public. However, Yue, Makie, Kaede and Ku Fei were in the middle of the group, stripped down to their bras and panties. The mortified Asuna had it worse than anyone, however, wearing only her bear panties and pressing an arm against her torso to hide her breasts.

"What the heck are you doing?-!" Negi cried in a strangled voice.

"I told you, Baseball Janken," Sakurako explained. "It's like strip poker; you lose a piece of clothing for each answer you get wrong." She sighed. "A pity Hakase-chan has such good grades…"

"Your girlfriend's in trouble, Chisame," Madoka snorted, having lost only her shoes and socks. "And being exposed in public humiliation, too. Won't you step in and do something?"

"Public humiliation is Asuna's natural habitat. She'll be fine," Chisame, with her hair loose after losing her hair band, and missing both shoes but not the socks, snorted back. "And for the last time, she isn't my girlfriend! That was all a misunderstanding!"

"The two of you made out naked after publicly confessing your relationship," Ayaka said, her face a strange mix of snide and jealousy. "How is _that_ a misunderstanding?"

Negi stood in utter helplessness as Kaede, Ku and Makie posed on with little to no shame, making standard Power Rangers poses. Even Yue joined in, although in a more restrained and stiff fashion.

"Baka Blue!"

"Baka Yellow!"

"Baka Pink!"

"Baka Black..."

"And our leader, Baka Red!"

"Cut that out!" Asuna shouted. Near her, Ayaka looked horribly distressed for someone still fully clothed.

"You're a truly weird class," Matoi quietly opined.

"Hey, at least we're not as bad as that Suzumiya weirdo," Misa chirped happily.

Matoi nodded. "I'll grant you that… but then again, so are mental institute patients."

Negi's face went completely white, his eyes becoming ink points. He was dead meat now, he was convinced of it...

"Asuna, you failed another answer!" Haruna was shouting now. "Off with the bottoms, too!"

Sakurako smiled at Negi. "Sensei, don'tcha wanna play, too?"

For once, he simply blew his top off. "Everyone get dressed right now!"

...

After classes, and as a depressed Negi settled down to give the Baka Rangers their review lessons, Chisame had excused herself saying she had urgent things to do. She told Negi she'd be waiting at home and headed off, Matoi quickly following her like a shadow. For once, Chisame didn't care.

She was going to see her teacher, after all.

They found Itoshiki-sensei departing 2-F, silently stalking him for a few minutes, until he finally tensed up and stopped, turning his head back to look at them.

"Ah! He gasped! You were after me all this time?" he asked.

"Yes," Matoi said. "Always."

"Sensei," Chisame humorlessly said. "We have something to ask you."

He nodded. "Naturally. I'm open to any question my students can pose to me, except why do Stephenie Meyers books still sell, what do I know about the Anti-Life Equation, and what are the phone numbers of my older brothers. Or mine, for that matter."

"What, exactly, will happen to Negi-sensei if even one of us fails the end of term test?" Hasegawa demanded to know.

Nozomu's face lost all color for a few moments, and then he quickly started to walk away. "Sorry. I, um, don't know what are you talking about. And I just remembered I need to go feed my pet bunny..."

The two girls quickly rushed ahead of him to cut him off, and then stared at him. Chisame had picked up that stare from Matoi. It wasn't the DEEP LOVE stare, but rather that angry, deadly icy one Tsunetsuki had given her when she had told her the stalker couldn't sleep with them, move into their room or install cameras in it.

_Jiiiiii..._

Jiiiiii...

The man backed away, gasping in terror. "Stop! Stop looking at me with those inhuman eyes!"

_Jiiiiii..._

Jiiiiii...

He slumped down, already a broken shell of a man. Granted, it never took much to reduce him to that state. "Very well! I surrender! I'll tell you everything!"

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

As Negi left the Academy's main building to head back home, he pondered his choices. On the one hand, Wales was pretty at that time of the year, and he indeed missed Nekane. On the other hand, he positively didn't want to leave, he didn't want to return covered in shame, he didn't want the girls to fail, and although he wouldn't admit it to anyone, sleeping with Chisame and Satomi felt even better than sleeping with Nekane. It was all nice and warm for one thing, although having some parts of him stiff in the morning was a bit inconvenient.

Not _that_ part, in case anyone's wondering. But he couldn't move his limbs around freely being sandwiched between two bodies.

Briefly, he considered if he shouldn't use the Gray Cell Spell. It'd turn even the Baka Rangers into uber geniuses for a span of 72 hours. On the downside, they'd be left as dumb as rocks for the next month after that, but a tiny voice at the back of his brain kept telling him at least Makie wouldn't notice a difference.

He was kicking those tempting but evil thoughts out of his head when he crossed paths with Dean Konoemon, who seemed to be in out for a stroll through the grounds.

"Oh! Headmaster-sensei!" Negi quickly bowed. "Good afternoon!"

"Ah, good afternoon to you too, Negi-sensei!" the old man brightened. "Just the man I wanted to see!"

"Me, Sir?"

"Why, yes, yes," the Dean nodded. "How are things going with your students? Do you think they'll be up for the challenge?"

"Yes, Sir!" he didn't hesitate. Outwardly, at least. "I'm sure they'll ace the test! And we still have three days left to improve on it!"

"I'm pleased to hear that! By the way, could I see your right wrist a moment?"

"Of course..." he extended it to his superior, wondering exactly why had he asked. The Headmaster grabbed it firmly, running a finger over it and muttering,

_"Tria Fila Nigra Promissiva, Negi Limitationem, per tres dies!"_

Negi recognized the spell even as he felt the magical energies flowing out of him, making him to feel weaker and a bit numbed down. It was a temporal restriction spell, one that normally only could be self-inflicted. No one but mages of the highest levels could ever cast it successfully on others.

"Sensei... This is... This is...!" he gulped.

"I apologize, Negi-sensei," the old man said ruefully. "But it's standard procedure for these kinds of tests. Using magic in this sort of challenge would be a cheat, and while I'm sure you're above those temptations, it wouldn't be fair to spare you the treatment all other aspirants have overcame."

"I... I understand..." the boy gazed in awe at the three marks now etched into his wrist. "Rest assured, I won't need any magic for this anyway..."

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

The public baths.

The place Chisame had come to detest the most ever since the love potion incident, and yet the only one large enough to host the reunion she had called for, since the classrooms had been closed after school hours. And since everyone else had already left for their homes, they'd get enough privacy for what she wanted to announce.

Matoi sat in perfect silence behind her as the Baka Rangers came in one after another, Konoka coming with Asuna, and Nodoka and Haruna with Yue. She tried not to think about how the girl was likely staring at her ass. Hakase came last, muttering something about unfinished experiments and how she hoped 'it' wouldn't 'blow up to pieces in the meantime'.

"Why did you call us here, Chisame?" Asuna frowned, crossing her arms. She wasn't exactly fond of the place either since that Valentine's Day.

"Is it another show?" Haruna asked hopefully. "We missed the last one..."

"It's not anything like that!" Hasegawa barked and drew in a deep breath. "Listen. Did you happen to actually hear what Sensei said today? About being in a tight spot if all of us didn't pass the test?"

"He'll probably be scolded," Kaede seriously pondered.

"We're working on it," Ku half-heartedly promised.

"Wrong on both counts!" Chisame accused. "Not only are you slacking as much as before, but the situation is much graver than that! If a single one of you blockheads flunks the test, Sensei will be fired and sent back to Wales!"

The students all made a shocked wild take.

"It can't be!" Ku cried.

"Are you really sure?" Yue asked.

"I heard it from a good source," Chisame assured.

"It's terrible! Horrible! Awful! Distressing!" Nodoka began to hyperventilate. "If Sensei goes away forever, I—! I—!"

"Unforgivable!" Haruna cried, clenching a fist. "We must protect our piece of hot shota ass!"

"So," Yue told Chisame,"Why do you care? I thought you hated sharing your dorm with him. That you hated having your normal life disrupted by his presence."

Hasegawa blinked a few times. "Do you think I'm that much of a spiteful person?"

Everyone not named Nodoka, Konoka or Hakase nodded.

"Bunch of ungrateful jerks!" Chisame shouted. "This is what I get out of fairly warning you?"

"It's okay, it's okay, Chi-chan!" Konoka appeased to her. "Girls, that was mean. I'm sure Chi-chan loves Negi-kun a lot..."

A fair blush spread over Chisame's cheeks. "Now, now, don't take it all the other way around, either...!"

"We can discuss that later," Yue said. "The important thing now is figuring out how to pass that test in the time we're left with."

"That's easy for you, Yue," Makie lamented. "You're actually smart. All you need to do is to study for real..."

Ayase grimaced. "Not an appealing prospect... but if there's really no other choice..."

"Thank you, Yue-Yue," Nodoka said.

"I suppose we all _could_ make an honest effort of studying, doing nothing else for the next three days?" Asuna proposed.

The Baka Rangers all looked at each other and everyone burst out laughing.

"Ah, that's Baka Red, always making with the jokes," Makie said, wheezing.

"I almost could keep a straight face!" Asuna said, slapping her thigh.

"Yeah, but seriously, what about the rest of us?" Ku asked when the hilarity died down. "I barely have finished mastering Japanese-aru! I can't become that smart in that short a time!"

"None of us can," Kaede observed. "It'd have to be a miracle..."

"A miracle..." Yue blinked in epiphany,"... Of science?"

Everyone looked at Hakase, who blinked cluelessly before finally realizing what they meant. "Oh, do you wish to know if there are any procedures that can stimulate your cerebral capacities to peak human levels? Well, we have researched machinery that develops brain activity through micro waves, but have only experimented on mice. 50% of our test subjects reach incredible levels of genius knowledge, but the other 50% is left unable to have any coherent thought processes, instead being moved to repeat verbal tics like 'Narf!' and 'Zort!'" She sniffed as if in remembrance. "Poor Algernon… "

"I think I understood that one," Haruna said. "Basically, it hasn't been tested on people yet, but it'd leave half of the Baka Rangers even dumber even if it doesn't fry all of their brains, right?"

"You are correct," Satomi nodded.

"I'll pass!" Makie cried.

"Then we have no way out..." Kaede sighed.

"Oh ho ho! Of course we have!" Haruna laughed. "When all the miracles of science fail, it's time to resort to the miracles... OF MAGIC!"

Chisame, Hakase, Asuna and Matoi tensed up. Did Haruna know about magic? How?

"Haruna..." Yue slowly began. "You can't possibly mean..."

"Are you thinking about that book?" Nodoka added her question.

Paru nodded a couple of times, so firmly her breasts bounced. "Exactly that one, Nodo-chan!"

"What are you talking about?" Chisame frowned.

"Deep into the bowels of Library Island, there is supposed to be an old magical book that grants incredible intelligence to anyone who reads through it. Legends say Da Vinci owned it for a while," the Baka Black reverently said, opening a carton of Greek radish and Polish carrot juice and poking a straw into it, then slurping away. "If we could get our hands on it, no test on this world would pose a problem for us."

"That's absurd," Makie said. "How can any book do that? The more complex they are, the dumber they make you feel..."

"Hey, don't knock it so easily!" Haruna shot back. "Magic really exists! I have seen living proof of it!"

"Wh-Where?" Chisame dreaded to ask.

"Let's just say..." Paru wondered how to say it, "Dad and my Grandpa went through a few... things back when they were training at China, and they... brought kinda permanent signs of it..."

Ku's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Jusenkyo?"

"Jusenkyo," Haruna confirmed.

"What springs?" the martial artist asked.

"Drowned girl for Dad, Drowned Panda for Grandpa," the mangaka replied.

Ku whistled. "It must be hard for them!"

"Oh, Grandpa doesn't really mind much, but Dad still has a hard time dealing with it..."

"I've heard a lot about those springs, but never got to visit the area-aru. Chao told me she had reports on a lot of cases, but—"

Chisame clapped. "Ahem! As fascinating as I'm sure your little private conversation is, we want to help Sensei here, remember?"

"What was all of that about?" Asuna asked Yue.

The much shorter girl shrugged. "Trust me, you really prefer staying ignorant about it."

"Ranma-san is..." Nodoka sighed. "A somewhat troubled person with issues..."

Yue snorted. "He doesn't have issues, he has whole subscriptions and card bound copies of all previous publications!"

"I heard that, you two!" Haruna accused. "It's completely right, but still not nice to say!"

"S-S-Sorry, Paru!"

Chisame, Hakase and Asuna shared a glare. They had seen much stranger things. After vampires, plant monsters and a love potion, why not to believe in a magic book?

"I... I say we should go for it," Hasegawa concluded reluctantly, kicking the part of her mind telling her it was a horribly, stupidly bad idea.

"Yeah!" Asuna smiled. "I think it's worth a shot!"

"If Asuna puts faith in it, so do I!" Konoka nodded.

"That's not a very good endorsement," Chisame pointed out gloomily.

"Anything to help Negi-sensei!" Nodoka lent her support.

"Yeah, that's it!" Haruna pumped a fist up. "We're gonna find that sucker and shoot ourselves up to the top! But first, to seal our collective alliance, it's time for the naked mass snuggles!"

"HARUNA!" Everyone else shouted.

* * *

 

**Act Four:**

**Interlude:**

As night fell once again over Mahora City, the majority of citizens retreated back to their homes after long working shifts. Only those with too much free to waste and those with far too little other choices remained outside. The former, strolling along the well lit commercial boulevards, shopping at the gigantic malls. The latter, making their way through the badly lit alleys of the slums, the parts everyone preferred to forget existed.

One of such unfortunate inhabitants stumbled along that lonely narrow street, her white high heels clacking at random intervals. She was still young, even if dilapidated and spent by years of excesses. She barely would fit into her tight green miniskirted dress anymore.

It was too late by the time she heard the rustling coming from behind her, and she saw the shadow looming over her. She couldn't make any shape out of it, but she had no time to wonder about it, either, as its long sharp claws pierced through her, splattering the walls with crimson.

The soul came out immediately, and the figure lurching over her devoured its core eagerly, before anyone else could claim it. Death before its time. The key, like always, was striking before the agents would get there.

The figure was rather human-like, even if grotesquely misshapen, similar to a shirtless, bald, big bellied man in showing black leathers, with a face painted stark white and a sharp conical nose. The 'Joker' look was big amongst the Hollows. One of the few human beings most of them actually admired.

Then it heard the shrill female scream coming from the other side of the street.

She was young and petite, around 16 years old, with large dark eyes and short black hair. She stared at him in terror. How could she even see him? For the Hollow's primitive mind, it barely mattered. All it knew was it still was hungry.

"... Give me more power..."

He ran after her on all fours, like an animal. The girl shrieked, turning around and running down the street.

"More..." it insisted, his voice echoing ominously.

"HELP ME!" the young female screamed.

"More... Power!" the clown like beast roared, extending the large claws at the ends of its fingers and jumping at her... only to be stopped in midair by a black, white and flesh-colored blur, sinking a sword through its right flank and wounding it grievously.

"Sayo! Over here!" a tall orange haired boy shouted, coming out of a nearby alley. The scared girl immediately ran to his arms, bawling into his chest.

"Kurosaki-sempai...! I-I'm sorry! I couldn't get there in time! He... He'd already found a girl... and... and..."

"There, there, not your fault," he consoled her, softly passing a hand through her hair, or rather, the hair of the body she was using, like he used to do to his youngest sister when she was scared at night. "You did it great. Now it's all up to Rukia..."

The Hollow growled, coming back to its feet as the second, identical looking if not for her Shinigami robes, girl firmly held her sword between her hands, measuring the monster up with her stern glare. "Ichigo..." she said. "Is this a full—"

"Yeah," the orange haired boy snorted. "No doubt. There's nothing human left in it anymore. 100 percent Hollow. Blast it down to Hell, Rukia."

"Ripper," she readied herself to strike. "Even for a Hollow, attacking the still living is falling too low. You've violated all rules of Death-sama, and for that..." she charged around, lashing with her blade for its midsection, "You are sentenced to damnation!"

She thought she was starting to get the appeal of those stupid cliche badass pre-fight little speeches. After a hard day at school, they were good for venting stress, that was for sure.

It stopped the initial attack with its claws, pushing her a few steps back. It was fast, she thought, faster than any other Hollow she ever had fought before. Maybe faster than her as well, she considered as she barely avoided its retaliatory slash, with a skill she couldn't have had a few months ago. Since she took the Replacement Shinigami job, she had made sure to ask Byakuya-Oniisama for lessons in kendo. Although intrigued about her reasons, he had welcomed her newborn interest in finally using the family's old dojo for something. As Ichigo had told her, and she had painfully learned early in the job, raw spiritual power wasn't enough to make it there. You also had to have skill.

And even at times, power and skill alone didn't cut it either...

The Hollow and Rukia clashed time and time again all across the street, metal blade clanging against metal claws, back and forth, in a seemingly even lethal dance. From their relatively safe hideout, a concerned Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body and a scowling Ichigo watched on, quiet and silent.

Until abruptly, someone jumped down from a rooftop, falling squarely on her feet between them. Rukia stopped her sword in mid swing, while the Ripper paused back as well, puzzled and intrigued by the new arrival to the scene.

She looked very young, as young as 2-A's students, even shorter than Rukia herself, with a short red skirt that showed quite a long of her very long and rather skinny but still fit legs. Her black jacket with tie added to the impression of her wearing a classic uniform for another private school. Her hair was blond and long, made into two long tails. But the most striking thing about her was the huge scythe, easily bigger than herself, she expertly held in her hands.

Her expression was a firm, serious one, eyeing everything around herself with tense caution.

Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body made a spit-take. Quite a feat, considering she wasn't drinking anyhting. "W-W-Who's that?-!"

Ichigo groaned, slapping a hand on his face. "Aw, nuts. Foreign soul hunters. I shoulda known that bozo would bring his own pursuers from across the seas."

Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body looked at him. "E-Excuse me?"

Ichigo huffed. "You don't think all of us dress up like classic Japanese warriors, do you?"

Sayo-in-Rukia's-Human-Body gasped. "The afterlife has its own set of nationalities, too?-!"

"Yeah, it may sound stupid, but each nation has its own sections of Heaven and Hell," the boy deadpanned. "Well, all of them but Canada. Canadians are too nice, so they all go to Heaven. So there's no Canadian Hell."

The normally unable of doing so Sayo (in-Rukia's-Human-Body) stared accusingly at Ichigo. "You're making fun of me."

His voice didn't change. "I don't know where you get those ideas..."

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

"This water's too cold!" Makie complained as they all waddled through the small inner river separating the huge, majestic Library Island's main entrance from the small, hidden secret gate Yue and Haruna pointed towards. All of them but Kaede and Ku, who easily jumped from rock to rock, despite their being too distant from each other for anyone else to do that.

"It can't be helped," Paru was saying. "Our Club uses this back door very rarely, and we aren't even supposed to do it in the first place, so it's not like we could build a proper road."

"Be careful," Nodoka warned. "The publicly accessible sectors of the Island are perfectly safe, but this area's off limits. We barely venture through the first few rooms. Beyond those... there are supposed to be traps."

"Why would they put traps at a school library?" Asuna asked.

"See, this is why I say ignorance is bliss!" Makie pouted.

"Then you must be super-happy," Chisame deadpanned.

"Okay, can I know now why we are here...?" Negi mumbled sleepily, dragging his steps along at the back of the group, with Chisame taking him by a hand.

She gestured at him to keep his voice low, looked back at the always following Matoi, and whispered into his ear so she wouldn't hear, "We're looking for some... uhh... special study material that will make the Baka Rangers to pass the test. It only should take us a few hours. But, in case anything bad happens... You can use your magic without anyone noticing to get us outta here, right?"

He blinked to zap the sleep away from his eyes. "Ah? Ah? Sorry, I can't do it..." He lifted his wrist up, showing her the marks on it. "The Dean just sealed my magical powers for three days..."

Chisame bit her tongue and fought the sudden urge to have an attack.

Yue turned her flashlight on as she fished her set of keys out, opening the door and leading the group into the first narrow and dark corridor of the secret passage. The other girls turned their own lights as well. Haruna and Konoka marched right behind her, then Kaede and Fei. Asuna and Hakase went next, with Makie, Chisame, Negi and Matoi at the back.

"Library Island," Ayase began, now walking down some old, decrepit, dusty rocky stairs, "was built in the middle of the Meiji period. The Academy was built by Europeans around the same time. It's one of the largest library buildings in the world, second only to the British Royal Librarian in terms of volumes stored within. It was damaged by fire, along with the rest of Mahora, early in the 20th century, but rebuilt by famed architect Suzushiro Janten."

"Suzushiro? Like Suzushiro Haruka-san?" Negi asked.

Yue gave him a nod. "Yeah. He was her great-grandfather. I guess that's part of why she feels so attached to this school. Fortunately, it escaped the bombings during World War II. During that time, precious documents, and even a few paintings, were brought from the bombed parts of Europe to be stored here by the Axis. A few of them remain here even today..."

Upon reaching yet another door at the end of the stairs, Yue pointed at the large picture hanging at one side of it.

"This is _The Twelve Knights Led by Brunhilda_. Legend says it was one of Hitler's favorite paintings. Haruna wanted to paint over it so all the guys were left naked, but I keep telling her it still has some cultural value..."

"But it's a Nazi piece!" Haruna whined. "Nazis are always acceptable targets!"

"Regardless," Ayase sighed, grabbing the keys again. "Over time, they added several additional wings, most of them underground ones. Those are the ones we're about to access. We believe there are many chambers that don't even appear in our maps, so you'd better get ready for anything."

"This place keeps getting creepier and creepier..." Makie sobbed.

"You've nothing to fear with us around, Makie-dono, " Kaede petted her head.

"Hu, hu, hu, that's right!" Ku Fei chuckled.

"Ladies, gentleman," Yue pushed the doors open. "At this point, Hakase, Konoka, Tsunetsuki-sempai and Nodoka will stay here monitoring our advances and watching over the entrance. The rest of us..." she said as everyone else gasped in awe of the sights being revealed to them, "will be going down there, to find and retrieve the book of knowledge!"

* * *

 

**Act Six:**

"What do you mean when saying I'll stay here?-!" Matoi finally exclaimed, possessively clutching to a groaning Chisame's back as she started to follow the rest of the exploration team into the huge library. Gigantic shelves full with books of all shapes and sizes stood everywhere, rising higher than any of them could reach up to. "I refuse! I'll never allow Chisame-sama to walk into the unknown alone!"

"Geez, alone? What are we, chopped meat?" Asuna snarled.

Tsunetsuki threw her an indignant glare. "Silence, Jezebel! You only want to drag her into the darkness to steal her purity away!"

"What?-!" Asuna stomped towards her. "Say that again, obsessive freak!"

"At least I'm not an exhibitionist date rapist!"

"What gives you the right to call me that?-!"

"I heard all about it! You stripped her down, stripped yourself down, and then, before everyone—!"

Negi's eyes popped up. "Say... what...?"

Chisame grabbed Matoi and pushed her against a shelf, fuming mad. "Tsunetsuki!"

"Yes, Chisame-sama?"

"Stay here!"

"Will not!"

"This doesn't involve you! You aren't even a part of 2-A!"

"We'd only get in the way," Konoka explained patiently, patting Matoi's back. "The Baka Rangers need to read the book, Chi-chan will transmit their coordinates to the Prof through her laptop, Haruna's the most athletic guide our Club can offer, and Negi-kun..." she paused, "Asuna, exactly why does Negi-kun need to go?"

"He can recognize the book at first sight," the redhead said.

"Can I?" the teacher asked in surprise.

"It's a MAGICAL book..." Chisame whispered in one of his ears.

"Okay!" Konoka nodded. "But everyone else would be dead weight there, Matoi-sempai!"

"I'm not going to allow it!" the older girl rasped stubbornly.

Kaede sighed, pinched a spot on the back of Matoi's neck, and calmly scooped the suddenly unconscious girl in her arms, gently laying her down next to Hakase.

"Thank you," Chisame sighed.

"It was my pleasure, Chisame-dono."

"Wasn't it a bit too extreme?" Negi frowned.

"No," all the girls but Konoka, yes, even including Nodoka, replied at once.

"Well, no time to waste!" Haruna began to take the lead, merrily strolling ahead. "I know the exact way for at least the next six chambers, so as long as you follow my steps exactly, you won't be stepping on any highly lethal traps!"

Makie immediately jumped on her back like a baby koala. "I-I hope you don't mind..."

Haruna smiled at the feeling of a petite warm body firmly pressed against hers."Not at all... By the way, for a better grasp, can you wrap your arms right under my breasts? Yeahhh, like that... A bit tighter, I won't mind..."

Everyone else stared. Haruna didn't care, just going her way with her precious load.

Chisame breathed, fastened her backpack, and followed. "Don't stray, Sensei."

"I... I won't!" he skipped after her, only stopping briefly to look at one of the books. "Wah! A first edition of Stephen Strange's earliest treaty on cosmology!" He eagerly reached over for it, only to jump back when he saw an arrow jumping out of the shelf, zooming toward his head... only to be grabbed in midair by Kaede at the last second.

"Remember, we need to be cautious here, Negi-bouzou..." the tall girl calmly said, never losing her foxy relaxed smile.

"No way!" the boy panicked, waving his arms around.

"You've dragged us into our tomb!" Chisame gasped.

"Looks like the traps are still active, after all," Yue philosophized. "Watch your steps to the max, then. Upstairs it's perfectly safe, but down here, anything can happen."

Ku Fei jumped happily. "Yeah, this will make for a great training!"

 _At least I won't die without having been kissed..._ Chisame was thinking as she walked along, all color leaving her face. _Not like a kid and Asuna would have been my choices, but... I wonder who'll inherit my belongings? I don't think Sora will make a good use of Computer-chan and Other Computer-chan... And my page! Oh, God, that Kotokon slut will have no competition now! She'll steal all my fans away! There's no justice in this world!_

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

**Interlude, Conclusion-**

Sayo (in-Rukia's-Human-Body) watched on in mild terror as the clown-like beast seemed to be the first one to take action, jumping over to the newcomer, its claws going for the immediate kill. In a split second, however, the blond girl ducked under the attack and swung the scythe up into the Hollow's chest, cutting deeply enough to make it howl, but not enough to kill it. Instead, it jumped back, clinging to a wall several feet over them.

Rukia briefly eyed the seemingly younger girl. "And you would be...?"

"Maka Albarn, Scythe Meister. Been following Ripper all the way from England," she quickly said, without even looking at her, instead dashing after the Hollow when it began to move along the walls down the street. "If he makes it to the roofs, we'll lose him! Move it!"

"What?" Rukia began running after her. "How can we reach it? We can't..." she gasped as she saw the stranger began a vertical dash up the nearest brick wall, "... run up walls...?" She shot her Shinigami 'trainer' a glare. "ICHIGO! Are Shinigami supposed to do that?"

He sighed. "Even the crappiest ones, yeah..."

"Watch out, Kuchiki-san!" Sayo cried as the Hollow jumped down to avoid the foreigner's slash, forcing Rukia to back away in a flash, the beast falling right where she'd been a moment before. It struck ahead with the claws again, and she barely managed to block them with the sword in time. With another swing of the blade, she forced it back, and when the blonde jumped back down a second after that, they began to strike together, putting it on the ropes, making it to step back and back down the narrow street until it stumbled and fell down a flight of steps at the end of the way.

That was the cue for the Maka girl to jump down as well, violently swinging the scythe down into the Hollow's midsection, her olive eyes gaining a sharp, vicious spark for a moment as she did so. Then she released the weapon, and much to Rukia and Sayo's shock, it glowed in an intense yellow light, quickly changing into a short, white haired boy around the same age as Maka. He was wearing a yellow and black jacket, red pants, sneakers, and a sweatband around his forehead.

The strange boy plunged a fist down into the dying, howling Hollow's chest, grinning and showing a mouth full of sharp teeth as the prisoner souls inside the creature flew around in all directions, free to reach their ultimate fates. Finally, it ripped a glowing, spherical spiritual core out of the beast and hungrily put it into his mouth, swallowing it down in a single gulp.

Sayo cringed in utter, sheer disgust. "EWWWWW!"

The boy licked his lips lazily, as the Hollow below him disappeared in a few sputters of dark sparkles. "... What? You never saw a Demon Weapon at work before?"

Sayo shook her (and Rukia's, by default) head very quickly. "N-N-No! Thankfully, not!"

He gave her a quirky, curious new look, jumped up the steps in a couple of skips with his hands in his pockets, and then gave her a very close, examining glare, making her to shudder. "Hey, Maka," he called out. "This doesn't match. This soul doesn't belong to this body."

His companion nodded. "Yeah, I noticed, too. I think it's her body," she gestured with her head to Rukia.

The substitute Shinigami nodded, still unsure of what to do. "Yes. Yes, it's my body. Sayo-san uses it to help us while I am—"

Both the Meister and the weapon were staring at her in disbelief now. "Something wrong?"

"You mean," the boy tapped on Sayo-in-Rukia's head, "You have a Plus driving your body around?"

"Why would a Shinigami keep a human body around, much less allow a Plus to use it?" the blond girl asked, genuinely puzzled.

"She's only a temporary replacement Shinigami. A human," Ichigo snorted, stepping in, also with his hands in his pockets. The other boy frowned at him, and he frowned back. Not exactly love at first sight. "She's taking over for me while I recover from an... incident."

The young man with the jacket laughed. "Oh, that's rich! A Shinigami who lost his post, the human covering for him, and their Plus pet! Who'd ever heard of anything like that?"

"I'm not a pet!" Sayo protested.

"There are many procedural irregularities about this," Maka warned warily. "You guys might get severely punished because of it..."

"Punished?" Rukia grew worried now. "Ichigo, you never told me—!"

"It's all okay! I'll cover all the paperwork!" Kurosaki barked. His arm twinged in anticipated pain.

Sayo poked the other boy's head curiously, as if trying to find the sharp point of a scythe between his wild hair. "I can't believe it! You were that scythe just moments ago, weren't you? How can you do that?"

"He's Soul Eater Evans, a Demon Weapon. Don't be scared about the 'Demon' part. It's a simple denomination more than anything else. You can call him a living weapon," the foreign girl explained politely. "It's not unusual for mystical weapons to have their own lives and personalities, actually. Even a Shinigami's Zanpakutou can develop their own."

"Zanpakutou?" Rukia doubted.

"Your sword," Maka then shot Ichigo an annoyed stare. "Honestly, you haven't told her even that? What kind of mentor are you? Men..."

"She isn't going to be doing this for long," Ichigo mumbled, looking aside. "The less she gets to know, the better..."

"That's very rude to say, Kurosaki-kun!" Sayo chided.

"Why haven't you sent this Plus to the afterlife?" Maka asked again.

"She just won't go away," Ichigo snapped.

"Let me try, please," Maka walked to a suddenly fearful again Sayo's head, tapped a few times on the skull of the body she was using, pouted, and shook her head. "You're right. I can feel a weird, strong link to this world. You still have baggage to need to solve. Until you do that, you won't be able to leave for your reward."

"What kind of baggage?" Sayo pleaded to know.

"That I can't know, sorry," Maka sighed. "You should try to look into your past, into what you did in life. The key must be there."

"But I can't remember anything of that...!"

"Maka, it's getting late," the Soul Eater grumbled, crossing his arms behind his neck. "Let this people fix their own messes. We already helped them enough for one night... or lifetime."

"Wait!" Rukia said. "I have two questions! Why did you eat that Hollow's core?"

"I need to eat 99 of those to become a full Death Scythe," he replied indolently. "Weapons grow more powerful the more enemies we slay and consume in battle."

Rukia looked at her sword with some apprehension. "Is the same true about my Zanpakutou?"

"In its own way, yeah. Was that your second question?"

"No! My second question, was, ummm... It may sound dumb, but... is my Zanpakutou a... boy or a girl?" She held the sword for him to examine.

A drop of sweat appeared on everyone else's heads.

Finally, however, Soul rasped and passed a hand up and down the blade. "A... female, no doubt," he said. He grinned lecherously. "And what a female..."

BA-DONKKK!

Maka's right fist had just gone down on his head. "Dirty pig! Stop molesting that poor sword!"

"Someone as cool as me could never be a molester! I was just satisfying that lady's request!"

"You spent far too long caressing it!"

"I had to! I wanted to be sure! It's always hard to get it right when they all are long, pointy, phallic weapons!"

Sayo turned supplicant eyes up to Ichigo. "Kurosaki-san..."

"Yeah?"

"Can I go back home now?"

She was thankful she could venture far out of the Academy now she could use Rukia's body at times. But everything had a limit.

About fifteen seconds after they left the scene, a cloud of purple smoke suddenly burst into being.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night!" the figure in it cried dramatically. "I am the creepy priest in the exorcist movie of life! I am… late? Darn it! Not again! This is _my_ city, darn it! MINE!"

Having just landed on a nearby roof, Sailor V paused, wisely decided she did _not_ need this right then, turned around, and headed back home.

* * *

 

**Act Eight:**

"Even assuming we don't die here..." Chisame mused, pulling an arrow out of her ponytail. Behind her, Asuna was trying to dislodge another arrow out of her hair bells, and Ku still held the one she had caught at the last second between her teeth. "How are you sure we'll return in time for tomorrow's classes?"

Yue made a humming sound, carefully marching at the lead of the group, with Haruna at her side throwing her light in all directions. "Hmmmm. According with this map, which has proven to be exact so far, we're at the third underground level now. We've only made it to the sixth one in the past, and the lowest one we know exists is the 11th. If there's a magical book, it must be all the way down there. At our current rate of movement, it should take us three hours more to get there, and another three or four to return. Since it's only around eight o'clock now, and counting the time it'll take us to leave the island and heading back home, we should be back in bed around 4:00 A.M. That still leaves us with two hours of sleep before going back to school. Stressful, but worth it."

"I won't get to do my paper route, though..." Asuna lamented. "But what the heck, one day isn't going to hurt!"

"But that involves a lot of 'if's," Chisame pointed out. "What if the other chambers are even bigger and more dangerous than these? And what if some of them are sealed up?"

"Then there's nothing we can do but go back and thinking of something else, right?" Yue asked with extreme tranquility.

"Don't be so darn negative, Chi-chan," Haruna playfully scolded. "Honestly, you're starting to sound like Itoshiki-sensei! As long as we work together, nothing can go wrong! By the ways, heads down, everyone," she casually said, ducking as a large swinging blade came from the ceiling, passing right above the heads of Yue and Negi, and forcing everyone else to throw themselves down with a scream. "Good reflexes, gang!" the mangaka whistled.

"Mom...! Dad...! Please have another child and forget me!" Makie bawled.

"Ha ha ha, it reminds me of Grandpa's training camp..." Kaede reminisced.

_Level Four:_

"Negi-kun? I think that book with the weird face over there is calling to me..." Makie gulped aloud.

"Oh, that's just Necronomicron-kun," Haruna said. "Sometimes it sounds like it's talking, but we're pretty sure it's just the human skin covers hiding some noisy insects underneath."

"Never touch it, in any case," Yue warned.

_Level Five:_

"This water's too icy!" Negi shuddered while waddling as best as he could, the liquid reaching up to his waist.

"My panties are soaked!" Makie complained.

"I think an eel's sneaked into my skirt!" Asuna yelled, madly patting her bum up and down.

"That fish swimming over there has three eyes..." Chisame bit her lower lip. "This doesn't bode well..."

_Level Six:_

"Too... hot..." Chisame panted.

"No wonder you never got past this point, Haruna-san..." Negi wheezed. "Haruna-san... would you mind please putting your shirt back on?"

"Hey, Asuna's doing it too..."

"I can smell my breasts cooking themselves up inside my chest..." Kagurazaka groaned.

_Level Seven:_

To spare our readers with a weak mental constitution permanent psychological damage, we will skip over this level in our narration. Let's just say they found evidence of the Bible Black Ritual and Kaede's skills were useful and leave it at that. Also, everyone swore never to eat Squid or Octopus ever again…

_Level Eight:_

Asuna's eyebrows quivered as she sat down on the dusty floor, with Makie clutching to her right side whimpering. "I vote... I vote for all of us never talking about what happened there ever again..."

"I concur," Haruna nodded, serving herself a sip of coffee for her thermos, her hands shaking.

"We are Dantes without a Virgil, traveling deep into the abyss of Hell..." Yue hugged her legs and trembled.

A visibly shaken Chisame was communicating with Hakase through her laptop. "Ground control? Hasegawa here. No, we haven't lost anyone yet. Yes, we finally reached a level with no traps. We're taking a short break while we still can. But I want to tell you two things. If I don't come back, you can keep my computers. And if there's a next time, I'LL BE GROUND CONTROL THEN! YOU GET ME?-!"

Near her, Negi just stared into nothingness. "Croatoa, Croatoa, Croatoa..." he repeated.

"WAH!" Ku cried. "That was fun! Let's do it again!"

Kaede shrugged. "Two out of ten for effort…"

_Level Nine:_

"What are those giant lizards doing so below ground level?" Makie asked, fearfully hugging her teacher's right arm for protection.

"Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact..." Yue was suggesting. "Ku! Stop kicking the giant lizards around!"

"We're just playing-aru! Ah ha ha ha, they are so cute! Look, this one wants to bite me! HYAAAHHH!"

That was the last day on Earth for the species of the _Mahoraticus Varanus Rex_.

_Level Ten:_

"Out of all the levels... this has to be the most unsettling one..." Chisame's teeth chattered.

"The Collected Works of Over Master..." Negi looked at the eerie quietness around them. "Unequally Rational and Emotional!"

"The Sonichu Bible...!" Yue clenched her eyes shut. "The Annotated Shadow Crystal Mage!"

"Uwe Boll's Manual to Cinematography!" Asuna whimpered. "My Immortal!"

"Dave Sim's Guide to Women!" Haruna ran her hands through her hair. "Ah! How to Win Friends and Influence People!"

"Let's reach the exit as soon as we can!" Kaede commanded.

"There's even Stephenie Meyer in here!" Chisame gasped. "And that-vampire-author-who-basically-disowned-her-vampire-books-but-whose-series-and-other-works-we're-still-not-allowed-to-post-on-this-site!"

Makie frowned, looking up from the copy of _New Moon_ she was reading through. "Honestly, am I the only one who doesn't find them that bad?"

"Drop that!" Haruna told her. "Your fingers will wither and fall off!"

And then, finally, after so many travails, they reached it.

_The Eleventh Level._

* * *

 

**Act Nine:**

Negi, Chisame, Haruna, Asuna, Yue, Kaede, Makie and Ku Fei stared, wide eyed (well, all but Kaede) at the titanic thing of amazement that was the eleventh chamber. It had no shelves with books anywhere in sight; instead, it was some sort of ancient tomb with its floors and walls covered by gigantic slabs of rock. Two monumental armored statues, one carrying an oversized war hammer, the other bearing a huge stone sword, surrounded a small altar bearing a tiny stand holding a big, thick, closed and fairly old looking tome at the end of a stone bridge.

"It's amazing! Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie!" Makie marveled.

"Or like the final boss' stage in a video game..." Chisame licked her lips with concern.

"I knew it was real!" Haruna cooed, tightening a fist up. "That book over there must be right what we're looking for!"

Asuna looked at Negi for a confirmation. "Yo, Negi? Do you recognize that old thing?"

The boy scrunched his eyes for a moment, staring at the volume several feet away, and then gulped briskly. "It is! I can't believe it! It matches the descriptions of the legendary Book of Melusedek perfectly!"

"You sure of that, Negi-bouzou?" Kaede inquired.

"Yes! I... umm... have researched a lot on ancient tomes with... supposed paranormal properties..." he explained. "But the last reports about this book placed it at France, more than ninety years ago. How did it end up underground at Asia?"

"That doesn't matter-aru! It's the answer to our prayers!" Ku ran ahead for it.

"We're going to pass that test!" Kaede raced after her.

"Takahata-sensei will be so impressed!" Asuna joined them.

"Hold it!" Negi called out. "Don't go any further! Such a book must have even worse traps protecting it than the ones we've found so far!"

Sure enough, the bridge under the three girls' feet split itself by half then, dropping them down into a thick rock platform right under it.

"A-Are you okay?-!" Negi rushed to the edge of the platform.

Asuna rubbed her aching butt and grumbled. "Nothing hurt but my pride..."

"Oh, is _that_ what you call it?" Chisame sniped, rubbing her own 'pride'.

Ku laughed, scratching the back of her head. "Guess we were just lucky it wasn't anything worse-aru..."

Kaede already was back on her feet, crossing her arms. "Well, it'll take more than this to stop me, de gozaru."

"Don't tempt fate!" Chisame warned, right before a loud rumbling sound came from behind them all, and to their collective terror, one of the statues came into life moving like a giant robot of sorts, slamming its war hammer against the floor, making the chamber to tremble. Makie yelped, jumping back into the platform and hiding behind Kaede. Negi instinctively shielded Chisame, Yue and Haruna with his own body.

"ALL OF YOU, SEARCHERS FOR KNOWLEDGE..." the armor spoke in a strong, thundering, amplified and echoing voice, "... MUST ANSWER THE GUARDIAN'S QUESTIONS WITH NO FEAR!"

"A moving stone statue? Th-That's absurd!" Asuna yelled.

"Aiyaaaa!" Ku Fei said.

"It must be some sort of ancient automaton," Yue tried to make sense of it. "Maybe stories like the Turkish doll that played chess and the mechanical duck from 1739 had more truth about them than we thought..."

"IT'S GOING TO KILL US!" Makie freaked out.

Negi gasped as well, although for some reason he couldn't help thinking the golem's voice, distorted and altered as it was, was one he had heard somewhere else before...

_Back at the Library's Entrance:_

"How strange," Hakase took another look at her laptop. "We haven't gotten any updates from Sensei and the others in nearly an hour. Do you suppose they are okay?"

"Maybe the signal doesn't travel that well through the earth," Konoka said, beginning to distribute the sandwiches around. "Do you prefer cocoa, tea or coffee?" she pointed at the three thermoses she had brought along.

"Cocoa for me, please," Nodoka asked gently.

"Same here," Satomi nodded.

Near them, Matoi stirred in her sleep, snorted and rolled on her side. "Mmmm, Deep Love... Deep into the burning bowels of Earth... Too hot for you? Don't worry, you can take that off, I won't mind..."

The other three girls twitched.

"I pray they come back before she wakes up," Nodoka shared.

"Well," Hakase philosophized, "If she does, we may not have Kaede's nerve pinch, but an alternative always can be found..." She casually held her now empty sandwiches tray up.

Konoka and Nodoka looked at her with some uneasiness.

"... Something wrong?" she asked curiously.

* * *

 

**Act Ten:**

"Very well!" Negi gave a step ahead, looking up at the towering golem armor. "Ask us your questions! Just remember to respect your word and give us the book after we're done answering them!"

"Technically, he hasn't gone into that much detail about what he'll allow us to do..." Makie pointed out, but no one paid her attention.

"YOU CANNOT ANSWER WITH SPOKEN WORDS!" the suit of armor pointed at the platform beneath them with its mace. "YOU SHALL USE THE SYSTEM YOU STAND UPON!"

"Ah?" Asuna looked down, examining the complex schematics of dozens of circles with syllabes, symbols and assorted kanji written on them laid all over the platform. "What is this?"

"It's a giant Twister board!" Haruna understood, moving next to her. "I get it! All we gotta do is touch the circles that will form the answers we must give. It's easy!"

"Easy for you, maybe!" Asuna reprimanded.

"Negi-kun, can you handle this for us, please?" Makie asked.

"His arms and legs are far too short for that," Kaede said. "I say we should give it a try ourselves. We haven't come this far for nothing, de gozaru?"

"No, you're right," Yue sighed. "So, Monster-san, what's the first question?"

"HEED MY WORDS!" the statue said. "WHAT IS THE JAPANESE TRANSLATION FOR 'DIFFICULT'?"

"Dee-fee-coolth?" Asuna babbled. "Or is it "Deh-feeh-kulth? May we hear the question again?"

"Geez, it's very difficult," Ku Fei rubbed her chin.

"That's it!" Negi tried to help them.

"We know it already! No need to hammer it down!" Asuna snapped.

"No! He's trying to tell you it's 'difficult'!" Chisame said. "That is, 'Mu', 'Zu', 'I'!" she placed a hand, and then a foot, on each corresponding circle.

"CORRECT ANSWER," the golem approved.

"Yay!" Ku cheered.

"Well done, Chi-chan!" Makie patted her in the back.

She clenched a smug smile. "Fu fu fu... It's nothing at all..."

"NEXT," the guardian said, "SPELL 'CUT' IN JAPANESE."

"Okay," Chisame began, "I think that is..."

"YOU SHALL BE DISQUALIFIED IF YOU LET GO OF THE BUTTONS!" the statue roared.

"Someone else! Someone else!" Haruna urged them. Then she made scissoring motions with her fingers. "Look! Like this!"

"Ah!" Makie brightened up. "It's 'Kiru Kiru', right?" KI!" she touched one of the circles, then... "RU!" she had to reach for another, which was so apart she had to touch it with the point of a foot, spreading herself to the point her white panties were showing. Again, that moved Negi to spin around blushing and sputtering apologies.

"APPROVED!" the golem shouted. "NOW, THE WORD TO TRANSLATE IS 'REMEMBER'!"

"I know this one," Yue got on all fours. "O-MOI-DA-SU!" That, however, left her in a rather uncomfortable position. "Guys, get on with it quick...! I don't know if I'll be able to keep this pose for long!"

"WELL DONE. THE NEXT WORD IS 'BASEBALL'."

"Now I can handle this," Kaede said. "Ya-Kyu-U!"

The position she was forced to take left her arching rather closely over Yue, her breasts nearly smothering the smaller girl's face.

"Kaede... I need air..."

"Just hang on there, Yue-dono..." she had to say.

Ku and Haruna took the next two questions with similar success. The armor almost sounded satisfied by now, towering over Negi, Asuna, and the straining, panting tangle of schoolgirls spread in uncomfortable and rather compromising ways over another.

"LAST QUESTION," it announced.

"About... damn time...!" Yue raggily breathed.

"I dunno, I think I could get used to this..." Haruna purred, her face mere inches away from Ku Fei's toned and firm backside.

"DISH," the golem simply said. "WHAT IS THE MOST USUAL TRANSLATION CONVENTION FOR SAID WORD?"

"Dish?" Asuna blinked. "Ah, dish, dish, dish... Oh! I got it!" she slammed a hand down. "O!"

"That's it, Asuna-san!" Negi cheered.

"SA!" Kagurazaka slammed her other hand down as well.

"Yes! Yes!" he put his hands together. "We're almost there!"

"RU!" Asuna finished, reaching with her forehead and knocking on the final circle with it.

Everyone else stared at her with slack jawed horror.

"What?" she asked. "'Dish' is 'Monkey' in English, isn't it?"

"IT DOESN'T EVEN COME CLOSE!" an angry chorus replied.

"OH, HO HO HO HO!" the armor laughed in a grim, thundering fashion. "YOU HAVE FAILED!"

And then it swung its humongous mace down.

* * *

 

**Act Eleven:**

The mace hit the platform, shattering it into a million pieces of rock with that single strike. In a split second, Negi and his students found themselves standing on thin air, with a pitch black abyss under them.

"Oi!" Chisame squealed.

And then they all fell down.

"ASUNA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ku Fei cried.

"Iincho was right! You're really a dumb ape!" Yue exclaimed, plummeting down into the darkness as well.

"I'm sorry! It was just a typo!" Asuna waved her arms around, trying to grab for the walls.

"Typo my round tight ass!" Haruna shook a fist. "Now I'll die a virgin! I'll never forgive you for this!"

"A-HOP!" Makie pulled one of her practice ribbons out of a pocket, tossing it up and managing to have it caught between two slabs of rock, stopping her fall. "WAI! I DID IT!"

"Good job, Makie-dono!" the passing-by Kaede hugged her legs, stopping her own fall as well, then grabbed Yue's right hand in midair, all three girls hanging over the seemingly bottomless pit. Everyone else had fallen too far for them to be catch, however. "Goodbye, Negi-bouzou, everyone..." the ninja grimly said. "We'll never forget your brave sacrifice, de gozaru..."

"Kaede!" Makie gasped.

"What?" she defended herself. "A Shinobi learns to respect the realities of life and death..."

"I don't mean that!" the gymnast squealed. "Your weight's too much for—!"

Then the ribbon snapped by half, proving her point as they fell again.

"Well, as I was saying, now we'll be reunited forever, Negi-bouzou..." Kaede sighed.

"Nodoka, I always loved you...!" Yue angstily confessed while falling to certain death.

_Way, way, upstairs, Nodoka, you guessed it right, sneezed._

"Catching a cold?" Konoka asked with concern.

"Maybe," the librarian conceded. "What time is it by now? I'd dare to guess dawn is approaching..."

Down below in the darkness, Asuna turned her head to Negi. "Brat! To hell with secrecy! Use your magic and save us all!"

"I can't do such a thing!" he claimed.

"Magic?" Ku Fei questioned.

"You really are bad in the head, Asuna!" Makie told her.

"I failed everyone... I'm useless to the end..." Negi sobbed while turning his head away from the others. "Because of me, and my incompetence, you all got yourself wrapped into this, and now..." He clutched at his head, wailing. "I'M IN DESPAIR! MY USELESSNESS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

_Itoshiki opened his eyes. "I sense a disturbance in the Force…" he said. "As if I'm suddenly no longer alone." He shivered. "Horrible thought." He turned and went right back to sleep._

Then Negi felt a pair of arms encircling him from behind, turning him around to face the just-as-upside-down-as-himself Chisame. Through his own watery eyes, he could see she was leaking a few silent tears out. "Chisame-san..."

"I'm glad I met you. Despite everything," she whispered, with a slightly jaded but moved tone matching her expression. Then she closed her eyes and pulled him to her, deeply kissing his lips.

Then they all seemed to pass through a widening tunnel mouth, and a bright light glowing underneath met them, right before they fell zooming into what seemed to be a huge mass of clear cold water.

Then everything turned black for Negi.

When he finally regained consciousness, he guessed a few hours had passed, since everything around him looked like it was bathed by a bright morning light. Chisame was kneeling over him, breathing out in deep relief. "Thank God, you're okay... Aren't you?"

"Y-Yes..." he weakly sat up, noticing he still was wet all over his lower body, although his torso and head had been dried down. His chest was bare, and his shirt hung from a nearby tree's branches, drying off.

Wait. A tree?

There were trees all around, actually, along with shelves and shelves of books reaching into the horizon line in all directions. And water, lots of water, forming lagoons and small rivers between the tiny islands where the shelves and trees stood. They, and the rest of the group, were at one of said islands, most of the girls wringing their wet clothes off and examining the status of their backpacks.

"Hey, Sensei!" Haruna waved with a wide smirk. "Didn't you break anything? No? Good! How about you, Chi-chan?"

"I broke the most important part of myself!" Chisame growled, then held her shattered laptop up for everyone to see. "Now how are we supposed to call Hakase up for help? Even our cellphones won't reach from down here! Oh, my poor baby!" she lamented. "So young, so expensive, so full of promise for the future! You didn't deserve this!"

"Well, what matters is we're all physically fine..." Negi looked down at himself, noticing one of the marks at his wrist had vanished already. Had a full whole day passed by, for real?

"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!" Chisame cried. "ARGH, THE AGONY! WHY NOT ME? _WHY NOT ME?_ "

Everyone sweat dropped as Chisame continued into hysterics worthy of Shatner.

"Um, yeah, but exactly where are we?" Makie asked, looking in all directions. "Still under the library, or did we fall through an exit?"

"It must be outside," Asuna guessed. "There's sunlight, and trees growing. No way we can be underground."

Chisame had crouched down sobbing, burying her laptop in a small, makeshift grave in the sand, then kneeling over it to mutter a prayer. "May Pentium watch over you, may Mac help you find peace…"

Haruna, meanwhile, had wrapped an arm around Yue's shoulders, giggling and poking a finger into her cheek. "So, what was that angsty confession of love I heard back there...?"

A soft blush. "I love Nodoka... like a most dear sister."

"Yeah, sure..." Paru ran her fingers through Yue's hair. "The way Fuuka loves Fumika like a 'most dear sister', right?"

Kaede looked up at the giant tunnel they had fallen through. "We can't go back that way-de gozaru. We should split into search parties to look for another way out..."

"But what if there's another of those giant things hunting around here?" Makie asked.

"Sasaki-san's right," Negi nodded. "We must stay together until we're out of here. Hoping to go back for the book is suicidal, as well. Our top priority must be finding a safe way back to the Academy. But rest assured, Satomi-san and the others must be doing their best to rescue us!"

_At the surface..._

"It's... already dawning..." Nodoka said.

"Yeah, and still... no signs, Prof?" Konoka looked at Hakase.

The scientist hummed, staring at her screen. "The signal from Chisame's laptop... has just gone dead..."

"..." Nodoka said.

"..." Konoka said.

Very, very slowly, Hakase nodded at them. "Authorization to enter Raving Panic Mode- Granted."

And so, they freaked out.

* * *

 

**Act Twelve:**

_Classroom 2-A, early that morning:_

The class was highly disappointed when they saw the blond and bespectacled Biology teacher waltzing in instead of Negi. She had arrived pushing a cart on wheels, covered by a large white blanket.

"Good morning, students!" she greeted with a youthful, bubbly smile, clacking her heels together. It was quite offensive, really. Someone that old shouldn't be that perky.

"G-Good morning, Hanyuu-sensei," Ayaka stiffly bowed, the rest of the pupils following suit somewhat warily. "But... may we ask why are you here today?"

"Oh, that," Hanyuu Mimi's smile turned a bit more smug, rather annoying. Ayaka resisted the urge to smack her. "Looks like poor Negi-sensei won't be able to come today. I guess it's to be expected of a child. Several of your classmates are absent today as well, I see..."

Ayaka's brow curved itself angrily. "And what are the reasons for Negi-sensei's absence?"

"I wasn't told that, and honestly, it's no business of mine," the teacher shrugged, pulling the blanket off to reveal a large tank full with slimy, squirming snails, much to most girls' disgust. "Now, pay attention! Before I take attendance, I'd like to introduce you to our impromptu study session's subject! To get you prepared for the Biology parts of your tests, we'll be running an in-depth dissection and research into the vital systems of these Gastropoda molluscans! We'll divide them organ by organ, then answer to a questionnaire on the functions of each organ and its relation with our own biological systems!"

"That's just plain gross..." Yuuna's face fell down.

"Nonsense," Hanyuu-sensei chided. "Snails are fascinating creatures, true survivors who will most likely endure past mankind's time at this planet. There's so much we can learn from them! Why, I even owe getting this job to snails!"

"How so, Sensei?" Natsumi asked.

She wiggled a finger. "That's a golden secret of mine. Regardless, before we start, let's see how many of them will we have to use. Akashi Yuuna-san?"

"Here," Yuuna groaned.

"Asakura Kazumi-san?"

"Here, Sensei!" the reporter said, already thinking of looking into Negi's disappearance after classes.

"Ayase Yu—"

Right then, Hakase, Nodoka and Konoka bursted into the room. Setsuna seemed to breathe a bit easier at the sight of the Konoe heiress. It had absolutely _nothing_ to do with the fact her sweaty blouse was clinging _quite_ interestingly to her heaving chest. Nope, absolutely nothing at all…

"Hakase-san! Miyazaki-san! Konoe-san!" the teacher admonished. "A demerit for each one of you! You're all late!"

"S-Sorry, Hanyuu-sensei!" Nodoka bowed to her. "B-But it's an emergency!"

Satomi, meanwhile, paid the adult no attention and headed straight to her creation's side. "Chachamaru!"

"Yes, Hakase-san?" the gynoid asked calmly.

"We have need for your services," the teen genius told her, pointing dramatically. "It's an important search and rescue mission."

Ayaka blinked in alarm. "R-RESCUE?-!-?"

Sakurako swooned. "WAH! Hakase-chan looks so cool!"

_Negi, Chisame and Satomi's Dorm:_

Chamo rolled around in his drawer bed of panties, hiccupped a bit and scratched himself on a flank.

Ahhh, life was good.

He wondered only very vaguely what was taking everyone else so long...

* * *

 

 **NEXT:** Escape from Library Island!

* * *

 

**Author's Notes:**

Well, this chapter came out relatively short. But I get a feeling the next one could be extra-sized, even for Unequally standards. We'll see.

I'm interested to see if someone got the references on the painting at the library and Mimi-sensei's method to get her job. If someone points them out in the reviews or via PM, I'll give that person an honor mention at the next chapter. In-Story, even!

Until next time, be good!


	26. Lesson 23: Escape from LI

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite.

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

 _Black Lagoon_ belongs to series creator Hiroe Rei.

Darkwing Duck belongs to The Walt Disney Company.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A gigantically humongous and awesome new thank you to **the fantabulous Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this with his usual stylish grace. And even adding a few interludes. Thank you, SCM! And best of lucks with that thing!

Any non-parody, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Please review! And if the bugs don't let you review, send me a PM! And vote in the poll! And add to the TV Tropes Page! And watch _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ while you're at it!

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY THREE.**

* * *

 

**Act One:**

After half a day of wandering around for an exit, the group had basically realized they couldn't keep on walking into the woods without getting completely lost, and Mahora was nowhere at sight. At one point, they had reached a huge, insurmountable wall of rock the size of a mountain covered all over with roots, which reached up until it touched what seemed to be the rocky ceiling of a natural chamber above them. That lent new life to the theory of them still being underground, although Asuna's point about sunlight still stood.

Regardless, once it was obvious they'd only get lost if they looked around further, Negi decided to order a return to the area below the tunnel's mouth. They were most likely to be found there in case any search and rescue parties arrived, after all.

In the meanwhile, he had organized a nice small classroom with several different objects just happening to lie around. They had plenty of books, of course, plus a few notebooks, large boxes to be used as desks, pencils, and even a functional chalkboard. In less than a single hour, he had the new 2-A set up, and since the girls had been left tired of marching around, they posed no resistance to sitting down and listening. Plus, with the book lost, they knew they had no options left but actually studying.

They spent the rest of the day like that, going over as many subjects as they could, the studies actually managing to take their minds away from their worries, getting them to calm down.

"Okay, who knows the answer...?" Negi asked while tapping on the blackboard with a branch, looking at his students eagerly.

"I do! I do!" Makie waved a hand up.

"Yes, Sasaki-san?"

"It's 35!" she chirped.

"That's right!" the boy clapped, and Makie giggled as her classmates, even Chisame to some degree, followed his example.

By the end of the day, he actually thought they had made some progress. They set up a camp of sorts on the main island, near the classroom, and also relatively near a conveniently placed public toilet stall.

"This place is so weird..." a barefoot Asuna mused, opening a can of tuna and spreading it on her bread. Fortunately, Yue, Haruna and Chisame had possessed the foresighted to bring some food in the event of an accident. "It's completely abandoned, yet there are many commodities, as if they expected a visitor at any moment."

"Yeah, and the books are all in perfect condition, not damaged by humidity or insects," Yue added, reaching for her carton of Latverian Cherry Root Juice. "Even the ones that are underwater. Almost too good to be true."

"Hey, Chisame, why aren't _you_ pointing all this out?" Asuna said. "Is that your schnicht in this fic?"

Chisame glared at her angrily, busy tying a black armband on her bicep. "I'm in mourning here for my dear Laptop-kun! I have no time for lanshade hanging!"

Yue kept on talking, ignoring the two. "Here, I feel at peace... Warm and surrounded by so many exotic, beautiful books..." A sigh. "I almost wish I could stay here forever!"

"You might get your wish-de gozaru..." Kaede looked up. "It's as if we all fell into another world. There are no signs of any recent visits, and I have a hard time seeing how could anyone ever find us."

"W-What are you trying to say?-!" Makie choked on her cold dinner.

"We looked in all directions, and it's clear there's no way to reach Mahora from here," Kaede calmly reminded them. "I'd say the only way out is the same we used to get here, and even then, if the monster covered that entrance with the debris of its attack, we may have been left with no way out at all-de gozaru."

"Don't even joke about that!" Chisame shouted. "We can't spend the rest of our lives marooned here! Hell, we can't even survive for more than a few days here! Our meals won't last that long!"

Yue snorted. "Oh, don't panic. A little excavation and rappelling like that is old hat for Library Club member. Who do you think they finally _really_ called to get out those Chilean miners? We just have to wait. It's not like we'll run out of food."

"Is true!" Ku Fei pointed up at the birds nestling between the branches. "We have enough to eat for a lifetime-aru! Good sport! Birds! Eggs! Roots and wild fruits! Fish!"

"I think I saw a few bunnies hopping between the grass too..." Kaede added.

Yue pointed. "Actually, I was talking about that vending machine full of food and soda next to the toilets."

Haruna seemed to grow interested about the idea. "That sounds so hot! A full life of nothing but screwi— reading and drawing, surrounded by hotti— good friends, in eternal peace and tranquility! Oh, that's very appealing, in a forbidden, exciting, social taboo, garden of virgins way!"

"No I will not let you desecrate Laptop-kun's grave!-!-!" Chisame snapped at her.

"And we even have the most important thing- A MAN!" Haruna squealed, suddenly hugging Negi against herself as she ignored Chisame.

"Ah? Me? Why?" the teacher blinked a lot. "No, seriously, I'm sure they'll come for us any minute now..."

Kaede yawned and stretched her arms up. "In any case, if they come right now, they'll find us asleep. It's too dark already, and we've done a lot for today-de gozaru. Regardless, we need to leave someone at watch at all times. Ku, can you take the first turn?"

The Chinese girl nodded firmly. "Okay! I'm not feeling sleepy yet-aru!"

Negi sighed, pulled the blanket out of his backpack and headed with it behind a large bookshelf. "See you tomorrow, then..."

"Hey, Sensei!" Haruna patted the ground next to her. "You don't need to wander alone into potentially dangerous ground! You can sleep here with us!"

"Not with you," Yue shot her a glare. "I can tell what you're thinking! It's written all over your face! And wipe that drool off your mouth!"

"Oh?" Paru smirked down at her. "Offering to sleep with him instead, Yue-Yue?"

Yue jerked back with a fierce blush, then looked back at the anxious Baka Ranger faces behind her. Out of everyone there, the only ones she trusted Negi's virginity to were Asuna, Chisame and herself. "Yes," she nodded with grim determination. "Yes, I do."

"Waiiii, that's my Yue!" Haruna cooed.

"I could never possibly—" Negi began.

Chisame groaned, laying her own blanket down. "Aw, cut the usual theatrics short, okay? You know you'll sleepwalk here anyway, so let's just save us the headache. Bring your butt back here and go sleep already," she mumbled, lying down and patting the space next to her, much to everyone's shock.

He nodded miserably, obeying like a well-trained puppy. "Y-Yes, Chisame-san..." He lay behind her and closed his eyes very tightly.

The other girls stood aghast for a few moments, until Yue drew in a breath and lay down at Negi's other side. Haruna immediately plopped herself down behind her, happily wrapping an arm around Yue, and then Negi, pressing them against herself in a way an outsider might have called actually maternal.

Yue sighed. One way or another, Haruna always had it her way. She was very Burger King like that. "Haruna, stop trying to fondle my nipples."

Haruna grinned unrepentantly. "Sorry," she said, though she _did_ take her hand away.

Kaede softly urged Asuna forward, and with a grumble of discomfort, the redhead took the blanket at Chisame's other side. Makie lay down behind her, and Kaede was the last one to take her place.

Chisame opened her eyes again to give Ku a warning look. "If you see someone touching anyone else at any inappropriate spot, wake us all up, got that?"

"Got it!" the dark skinned girl gave a thumbs-up, sitting on one of the boxes in a vigilant lotus position. Mildly comforted, Chisame closed her eyes back and relaxed into sleep, Negi already dozing while hugging her midsection.

And all the meanwhile, what was of the rescue efforts? Glad you asked, long suffering reader...

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

"Flashlights?" Satomi dryly said, standing before her creation at the gates of the Library.

Chachamaru turned her lights on and off. "Working perfectly."

"Infrared vision?" the scientist asked.

"100% functional."

"Hidden weaponry?"

"All of it working at full capacity."

"Self-destruct device?"

"I really hope it isn't needed..."

"So do I," Hakase sighed. "In any case, I suppose you are ready to go down now."

"Please bring Chisame-sama safe and sound!" Matoi threw herself at Chachamaru's feet, bawling her eyes out. "Oh, and I guess Negi-sensei too. Everyone else, ehhh, whatever..." she said before breaking into tears again. "But please, whatever you do, bring my beloved princess back from that filthy pit, safe from the claws of the Kagurazaka harpy!"

"I'll do everything in my power," Chachamaru nodded, then reached for a large backpack full with clothes. "Is everything in here, Hakase-san?"

"Yes, it is. But, are you sure they all will need changes of clothes?" her creator asked.

"Through my observations and recollections of your recent exploits, you seem to have a high tendency to lose all articles of clothing during situations of danger. Especially Hasegawa-san," the robot droned. "As they say, 'Better safe than sorry'".

Matoi paused before saying, "You can bring her naked. I won't mind lovingly dressing her up personally..."

Chachamaru looked into her databanks for a good way of telling Tsunetsuki Chisame wouldn't like that without offending her. Since her databanks were written by Chao and Hakase, however, she couldn't find that much in the way of subtlety. "I... I will act accordingly given the situation at hand..." she promised before bowing to Hakase, then turning around to walk into the library, following the missing explorers' steps.

Matoi sat at a corner to cry. "I don't know what I will do if I lose her...!"

Satomi crouched down next to her, patting her on a shoulder. "I'm sure Chachamaru will accomplish her mission successfully before the scheduled time..."

The older girl sobbed, rubbed her reddened eyes and nodded. Ah, Hakase-san's small hand felt so warm and comforting on her shoulder...

Back at 2-A, Sakurako shuddered abruptly. "Jealousy Sense... Tingling!"

Madoka looked at her. "Huh? What are you saying now?"

Shiina grumbled cutely. "A girl knows when those things happen. Trust me. You'll feel it eventually too..."

Madoka dismissed it off on both fronts. "That's silly. No one has that kind of sixth sense, and even if you did, who else could be interested on Hakase, and be with her right now? Tsunetsuki? Everyone knows she's ga-ga over Chisame..."

Then, all of a sudden, she had an ill feeling of her own. She tried to ignore it, even as, at the other side of the school, Kyon was having a tender post-rescue moment with one Nagato Yuki.

_"I like girls without glasses better..."_

Ayaka, meanwhile, addressed the rest of the class like a drill sergeant from hell.

"Listen, and listen well! As we all know now, but our readers might need reminding, if a single one of us fails that test, Negi-sensei's young, promising life will be RUINED FOREVER worse than Stephenie Meyer's credibility, and we'll never see him again! So, while praying for him and the Baka Rangers and Chisame-sam... I mean, Hasegawa-san and the four eyed pervert to be rescued in time, we're going to need you all to do your part as well! That means we'll be studying extra-hard for the next two days! Even the slackers! And I mean you too, Tatsumiya-san! And you, Evangeline-san!"

Mana finished counting her money and nodded. "For this kind of payment, I'd have the entrance exam for the MIT mastered by Monday."

"Hey, I want to get paid too!" Yuuna said.

Ayaka tossed her that glare. "Akashi-san... Don't you consider your continued healthy existence to be enough payment from life as it is?"

Yuuna got the clue and gulped. "Like I was saying, I think I'll just need some help with Math..."

Evangeline groaned, lazily flipping through a book. "I guess I have nothing better to do this weekend…"

Ayaka nodded energetically. "Good! That's what I want to hear!" She quickly pulled her cellphone out and accessed a number on speed dial. "Hakase-san? How is it going? Good. Keep me informed of every development. Roger." She changed the call to another line. "Fubuki-san? You got all your contacts ready? If Chachamaru-san doesn't make it in time, I want you to bring them over immediately. No, I don't care if Okajima-san thinks they're too expensive. We always can write them off as a public service. Yes, that includes your old friend Kogarashi-san. I don't care! All I care about is he gets results! Yes, and Deadpool-san too! No, I don't care if he's busy with another job right now! That's crap! I _know_ him having a contract with SCM to star in a fic is crap, SCM doesn't use Marvel people! Tell him to abort! Not in those exact terms, of course; he's gone enough to try and interpret it literally... He'd find a way, trust me..."

The other students looked at each other nervously.

"Chizu-nee?" Natsumi asked weakly. "You know her better than anyone else. What is she...?"

"There are things I'm as wary to learn about as you are, Natsumi-chan. And let's leave it at that," her roommate whispered back.

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

The first bad thing about sleeping with Yue, and Haruna knew it well, was she always was an ace at defending herself in her sleep. The second bad thing, and Haruna knew that even better, was she needed to wake up to use the bathroom at least twice a night. Not like Negi even noticed it. The little guy was a heavy sleeper, definitely, although the way he muttered in dreams so much clearly spoke of a troubled mind for some reason. Haruna's dad was like that too.

Vaguely, while waiting for Yue to come back from the toilet, the mangaka wondered what kind of troubling past someone as cute and innocent as Negi could have. Silently, she reached over with a hand to gently stroke his cheek. For once, it was not lustful or lecherous, only tender and kind.

_Up in Yggdrassil, Skuld was temporarily overwhelmed as she directed junior trainees to redirect all the snow away from hell, and for Pete's sake, could someone please give Mini-Garm a dog biscuit before he tried to eat the sun? AGAIN?_

He reacted in the same way, slowly moving into her, cuddling against her front with a tiny cooing sound. The artist blinked, actually feeling a curious stirring in her heart, something she hadn't ever felt in the longest of times, since the first time she met Nodoka and Yue, actually. It wasn't the usual urge to playfully touch, squeeze and then enjoy the ensuing indignant reactions. It was something else, a strange desire to simply and peacefully enjoy someone else's warmth in a chaste, sincere way, for the mere sake of it.

Haruna wondered briefly if she hadn't hit her head a bit too strongly in the fall.

Still, and just like always, she acted according to her wishes and embraced Negi against herself, gleefully hearing him making small satisfied yawns while resting his head on her bosom. "Sis... You bought new pillows..."

As his arm rose up to rest on one of her shoulders, she saw the two marks on his wrist. One of them was vanishing slowly as dawn approached. Haruna frowned, intrigued. Her eyes travelld over to where Kaede sat guard, and she realized the Shinobi had noticed the same thing. Both girls shared a shrug of shoulders, but also seemed still quite puzzled about it.

Then Yue sleepily waddled in between Haruna and Negi, shielding the former against the latter with her own body, grumbling while setting herself. "Watch your hands..." She also registered the odd fact about his self erasing wrist marks vaguely, even if she was too sleepy to give it solid thought right then.

Haruna sighed. "I wasn't doing anything like that. Just ask Kaede."

Yue still huffed, then cringed as Negi's hands fell on her instead. They were very cold. With a blush and an uncomfortable gurgle, the half-asleep girl pulled his blankets higher up, then eased him back against Chisame's back. Then she sighed as well, pulling his hands off Chisame's butt and forcing them to rest higher.

Haruna giggled. "His man instincts are starting to show."

"We're all just too close, that's all," Yue tightened her eyes and went back to sleep.

The next morning was pretty much a repeat of the morning before, with Negi pressing the Baka Rangers into studying even more, making steady progresses with each passing hour. But both narrating and reading that for a long span is boring as HELL when you probably have it wonderfully rendered in manga, so in the meantime, let's move back to monitoring Chachamaru's advance...

* * *

 

**Act Four: Chachamaru's Travel Guide to Library Island**

_Level Four:_

"Young lady..." the forbidden book's evil voice called out clearly to Chachamaru. "Come here. Take me and read me. Through me, you shall be able to dominate all your enemies, burying them under the unending ashes of a dying world! Yes, that is it. Walk closer. Closer. Are you tempted? I can tell you are..."

The gynoid picked the book up calmly, scanning it up and down. She had no files on it, but its covers were obviously made out of actual human skin, and its presence was not too unlike that of the Master. "Excuse me, Book-san, but I'm short on time. Please do be brief."

"Brief? BRIEF?-!-?" it shouted. "Foolish mortal, I am the Necronomicon! Evil itself given form! I am the harbinger of all doom and ruin for mankind! I shall be as long winded as I want! For mine is the power over all dead, my Army of Darkness!"

It really was like the Master in more ways than one.

She put it back on the shelf politely. "I'm sorry, but I really cannot stay to chat. However, once I'm done with my assignment, I promise I'll come back for you. I'll even take you to Master Evangeline. I'm sure you will like her..."

The cover's bloodshot eyes shot themselves open to their max, prey to a sudden horror. "Evangeline?-! Evangeline A.K. McDowell?-!"

Chachamaru nodded. "Do you know her?"

"Are... Are you her servant?-!"

She nodded again.

The book stammered nervously. "D-D-Does she still keep that creepy doll around...?"

"Chachazero? Why, yes. She is my older sister..."

The book whimpered pitifully, actually attempting to push itself deeper into the shelf. "F-Forget you ever met me, please. And don't ever tell them you found me, will you? I... I beg you..."

"Okay," Chachamaru simply said, then turned around and walked away without a second thought. "Have a nice day, Necronomicon-san."

The accursed tome sobbed to itself. "This kind of crap never happens to the Book of Darkness..."

Another book farther down said, "Ooh, Necry's been cockblocked!"

"Shut up, Octavo…"

_Level Five:_

Chachamaru simply flew all the way over the deep, black, icy waters.

A three-eyed fished stared as she passed, then began to swim away. _That doesn't bode well… maybe I'll visit cousin George over at Springfield…_

_Level Six:_

"Critical temperature level has been reached. Activating self-cooling protocols."

She started fanning herself with a hand. Not the most spectacular and complex of her functions, but it still took her unharmed to the exit.

Sometimes, just sometimes, Chao did think simple plans were the best.

_Level Seven:_

The evil and highly depraved things in the darkness allowed her a free pass through the chambers as soon as they noticed she was wearing the same school uniform as the ninja.

_Level Eight:_

"Hakase-san? I have just reached the eight level. Everything has been going well so far. No, I have taken no damage at all. Yes, I have been taking good care of myself. No, I won't allow myself to rust... I'm immune to rusting, remember? Yes, yes, I'll watch my temperature levels too... No, I haven't sneezed even a single time..."

Mothers. Honestly…

_Level Nine:_

She took only a few brief moments to kneel down and pray for the poor huge reptiles' transit to an unlikely better afterlife. She knew both Hakase and the Master would be angry at her for having such expressions of groundless faith, but she couldn't help it. She felt bad for the poor once living things. And as Death-chan had told her when she was activated, life was what made dying a big deal. A good thing she had a good memory.

She'd have to hold a serious talk with Ku Fei on the matter. Her footprints were all over them.

_Level Ten:_

Now this was a tough one for her, until she briefly switched to Illiteracy Mode to survive it until the exit. Even so, she'd have electric nightmares about those illustrations on the Jack Chick Kamasutras and GUST doujin lying open around so carelessly for years.

And then, finally, she reached the eleventh level as well.

* * *

 

**Act Five:**

As she advanced inside of the cavernous, gigantic chamber, the gynoid adjusted her eyes, giving herself a much better view of the darkness. She scanned all over the footprints on the floor, confirming her teacher and all of her missing classmates had, indeed, made it to that point at the very least. However, their tracks disappeared at the edge of a huge square hole at the middle of the room, seemingly leading down a very deep pit.

Her situation processor began sending cautionary messages. On one hand, she had no knowledge of Negi-sensei being able to fly without his staff, and he had left that at home that night. As a matter of fact, she was carrying it on her back right then, since Hakase had sent her to give it back to him.

On the other hand, she had just noticed the giant armored statue standing behind her had moved, slowly lumbering in her direction.

Her jet feet flared up, quickly taking her up, as she assumed a fighting stance in midair. The robot hovered over the abyss, her cold face barely showing any emotion. Well, less emotion than usual.

"HALT!" the statue spoke. Chachamaru noticed there was another platform next to the one it had stood on moments before, leading her to believe there was another such being somewhere around. "HAVE YOU COME FOR THE BOOK OF WISDOM? ALL THOSE WHO SEARCH FOR IT MUST ANSWER MY QUERIES FIRST!"

"I have come for Negi Springfield and his exploration team," Chachamaru said. "What do you know about their whereabouts?"

The giant seemed to hesitate before answering, "THEY HAVE FAILED OUR TESTS! IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM, YOU SHALL HAVE TO CORRECTLY ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!"

"I have a question of my own," she asked politely, "Did you send them to the place you send all those who fail your tests?"

"YES!"

"Then shouldn't I fail your test as well?"

"NO!"

"But if I succeed, why should I be sent with those who failed?"

"WELL, YOUR GOAL IS—"

"My primary goal is finding them and bringing them back to Mahora Academy safely. My secondary goal is retrieving the book as well. But to do the former, I must fail, shouldn't I? And to achieve the latter, I'd have to succeed..."

"THE IDEA IS NOT TO FAIL!"

"Then, if I succeed, will I be sent with those who failed it? It fails to be logical. I assume you must be lying from the very start."

"I AM THE HONORABLE GUARDIAN OF THE SACRED BOOK! I DO NOT LIE!"

With remarkable ease and calm, she flew over to the book, picked it up, dodged a few huge boulders dropping down at the activated trap, and looked back at the Golem. "I have cheated. Have I failed?"

"YES! YES, YOU HAVE!"

"But I do have the book. In that sense, cannot it be said I have succeeded, as well?"

"OF COURSE NOT!"

"... Are you sure you aren't lying?"

"I TOLD YOU, I NEVER COULD LIE!"

"Then send me with them."

"I SHALL NOT!"

"You told me you sent them to the place you send all those who fail. I have failed, ergo I must be sent there as well. Or else, you have lied in your initial statement. Otherwise, I have succeeded, and in that case, you have lied, as well. Additionally, if I succeeded, I should be allowed to keep the book, and also to be reunited with them, since you promised I'd be reunited with them if I could—"

"NO! NO! YOU HAVE FAILED! YOU CANNOT BE SENT WITH THOSE WHO FAILED!"

"But you said—"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAID!"

"Then you know you said you'd send all those who failed to that place, and that you'd send me to that place if I succeeded. That means I must be brought with them, no matter if I failed or not. Unless you are—"

"I AM NOT LYING!"

"There is no need to be so loud, Golem-san."

The titan buried its face between its oversized hands.

"Never mind, then," she bowed. "I can find my own way to them. Down there, am I right?" she began to fly down the pit.

"NO!" It reached down with a hand to pull her back. "AND GIVE THAT BOOK BACK!"

She never lost her composure. "'NO' as in 'NO, THEY AREN'T THERE', or as in 'NO, YOU CAN'T GO THERE'".

"..."

"You cannot lie, Golem-san," she reminded it.

"... AS IN 'YOU CANNOT GO THERE'" it gave up.

"I see."

She tucked the book into her backpack and raised her small fists. "Would you feel better if we solved this with some primal, uncivilized brutality?"

It nodded, preparing its large fists as well. "THANK YOU."

"I am against violence, but if you actually prefer it this way, I'll honor your wishes, as our host and elder."

"ELDER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY— I MEAN, I APPRECIATE IT," it said sincerely after a brief bout of confusion, and then it threw the first punch. Chachamaru easily blocked it with her arms.

And so, it began.

* * *

 

**Act Six:**

The whole room quaked and rumbled as the two of them traded blows, the comparatively tiny and more human-like machine flying around the lumbering, but also deceptively fast at the worst possible times, titan. Like a wasp, she struck at precise intervals and at precise points, barely denting it with each hit, but also augmenting the amount of damage bit by bit with each new connecting surgical strike.

The giant, on the other hand, landed hits more rarely, but when it did, they invariably slammed Chachamaru into a wall, or the floor, sending large cracks and fissures through them, splitting them more and more each time.

They clashed time and time again, neither willing to submit, highly mismatched in size but never in power. However, the ancient room they were in couldn't hold on as much as they could. And so, before long, they had to look up when they heard the roof collapsing down on them, its supporting pillars coming crashing down like broken twigs.

Chachamaru dodged the first few chunks of debris with amazing agility and speed, but as they kept coming down larger and heavier, they started hitting her; not causing any serious damage yet, but still making her to look for an exit. She attempted to duck for the pit, but a major piece of ceiling fell on it, covering the whole hole up before she could reach it. Given enough time, she could move it away with ease, but time was something she didn't have as the whole world seemed to collapse on top of her...

Then, to her dawning awe, she saw the large Golem reaching up to hold the ceiling up for her, shielding her up with its own mass, even as it became clear even he couldn't stop it anymore. As everything fell upon them, and even as Chachamaru's visual sensors went off-line, it still wouldn't stop trying to protect the very same enemy it had been fighting moments before.

_..._ _Chachamaru Programs Back Online. Switching to reserve batteries. Starting command, Waking Up._

She opened her green eyes, interrupting her internal screen-saver consisting of pictures of kittens, Negi and her master scowling cutely. She scanned the area, then herself, finding herself buried under tons of debris, but not actually damaged enough to be considered unable to continue her mission. Looking up, she saw the hulking living suit of armor still arched over her, protecting her from the brunt of the disaster with its own body.

Looking into her internal timer, she noticed at least seven hours had passed by, probably more if her time measuring devices had been affected in some way. Yet the giant still was in the exact same position it had been when she was shut down. Of course, it had been pinned down by rocks as well, but she believed it could have freed itself, even if it meant allowing her to be crushed instead.

"Golem-san..." she said, crawling out from under it, standing up, and offered a tiny hand to it, a sign of help.

It shook its head. "NO."

"Why not?"

"YOU HAVE PASSED THE TEST. YOU CAN REJOIN YOUR COMRADES NOW."

"I won't leave without the certainty you're okay."

"I WILL BE OKAY. I HAVE NO NEED OF YOUR HELP. NOW GO."

"But—"

"I HAVE TOLD YOU, I CANNOT LIE. I AM IN NO DANGER. LEAVE ME. YOUR FRIENDS HAVE NEED FOR YOU."

She hesitated before bowing. "Thank you very much, Golem-san."

She walked over to the boulders now covering the pit's mouth, pushing them away one by one. Once her task was done, she looked back at the half-fallen, precarious but determined colossus.

"I'll be back to help you as soon as I can, Golem-san. I promise."

The gynoid jumped down, her jet feet turned on again, and she flew down into the eerily quiet darkness with no fear at all.

The golem sighed, its voice briefly changing to that of a dry-sounding, tired old man.

"Such a good girl..."

* * *

 

**Act Seven:**

After a long, hard, sweaty... day of studying, Negi had finally given the students his approval and permission to go relax. They had made surprising advances in such a short span, reinforcing his theory of them all, even Asuna and Makie, actually being good learners that usually just didn't put any effort into it. The most triumphant example of that theory, Yue, had gone to lie down under a palm tree, sighing as she enjoyed a good read through one of her favorite Oberon Sexton books.

"Hey, Yue!" Ku Fei called out. "Still reading? We already had enough of that for one day-aru!"

"This isn't just reading, it's feeding the soul," Ayase reverently said, her eyes fixed on the pages and her bare feet clenching their toes up and down without her being aware of it, in her reading ecstasy.

Makie, meanwhile, was standing slightly to one side, carefully sniffing under one of her armpits, then making a short dash for one of the lagoons.

"Hey there, Makie-dono!" Kaede easily caught up to her, with Ku and Asuna following at a slower pace. "Where are you going?"

"Huh? Oh, well, I was just thinking... I was feeling kinda grungy after all this time, so...!" the pink haired girl giggled with some embarrassment.

"Not a bad idea at all," Kaede nodded placidly. "Mind if I join you? Truth be told, I'm reeking a bit, too..."

Yue looked up from her book as they disappeared, then nervously pulled out another book she'd hidden in the stack next to her. It read; _The Illustrated Kamasutra for Loli Pettankos Who Want to Seduce Their Best Friend…_

Several feet and trees away, Negi examined the only mark left at his wrist by now. Only one more day, and his magic would return in full force. Then again, it'd be worth nothing if it returned after the test was over. Their only hope now was to be rescued before that time came.

To distract his mind from concerns he couldn't fix, he started examining the books on the shelves again. It didn't stop to amaze him how pristine and well kept they were, despite being at the open in a tropical, humid climate with no caretakers in sight. And underwater ins some areas, of course. He made a mental note to investigate the reasons later, if he could keep on teaching at Mahora.

Grabbing a book on mythical beasts, and comparing its contents to what he had learned in cryptozoology class at Merdiana, he read on as he walked, so absorbed in it he didn't even actually notice the soft splashes of water and feminine laughs right ahead of him until he stumbled into the small, crystalline lagoon where Ku, Asuna, Makie and Kaede all bathed together, standing in their full naked glory and splashing each other, with the water reaching up to their knees.

"WHA—?-!" he yelped as he backed away quickly, as if a scorpion had just stung him.

"Wha... HEY!" Asuna rushed to cover her naughty bits with her hands. "Damn perverted brat! Couldn't you hear we were here?-!"

"I'm s-so sorry!" he stammered, putting his hands over his eyes. "I didn't realize you were here, seriously!"

The other three Baka Rangers, however, just laughed it off good-naturedly. Makie did cover herself by wrapping her clothes around her slender body, but Kaede and Ku still weren't bothering.

"Take it easy, Asuna-dono," the statuesque Shinobi said without a care in the world. "Negi-bouzou's just passing through a delicate stage in life-de gozaru..."

"Yeah, when boys at our tribe start getting those urges, we understand it's important not to scold them or shame them -aru. It's just natural," the Chinese girl lectured calmly. "So we take them to one of the local... ah... 'happy women' of the village. Or a sister who also needs to learn these things too. Or a cute cousin. Or a cool aunt. Or find someone like Haruna-chan. Or…"

"Good thing we have Haruna-dono around, then," Kaede whispered with a conspirational wink, and the other girls laughed.

"WHAT KIND OF VILLAGE DID YOU GROW UP, KU?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!" Asuna cried, absolutely crimson.

"I-I-I don't know what are you talking about, but I can feel it's... improper, so stop doing it!" the boy protested, turning around shaking, asking himself why he couldn't take those brief wonderful images out of his mind, and why he was kinda feeling a sudden rush of blood down to his lower body. "Look... I know it's my fault, right? Sorry! I-I-I didn't get to see anything, anyway!"

Kaede huffed. "Not even the beauty mark over my right butt cheek?"

Negi paused. "... Wasn't it the left one?"

"BRAT! YOU SAW!" Asuna roared.

"Ha ha! I knew it!" Nagase laughed.

"YAAAHHHH! I APOLOGIZEEEE!" he blushed from head to toe and ran away almost faster than Misora.

As he disappeared in a small cloud of dust between the trees, Asuna fumed, allowing her hands to hang at her sides again, but the other students just kept on guffawing.

"Oh, he's so adorable when he's like that! You saw his face?" Makie rubbed her eyes.

"Yeah, but just give him a couple of years and he'll be singing a different tune..." Ku patted herself on a thigh, still chuckling cagily.

"Maybe not even that much," Kaede observed. "He just went the way Haruna-dono took a while ago, so..."

"You guys are horrible," Asuna mumbled, before looking in that direction again, asking with some concern, "So, is Haruna really over there?"

"Unless she fell into some deadly trap of nature, yes," Kaede nodded.

Asuna's eyebrows trembled. "... Maybe we should go save him."

"What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger," Kaede waved a finger.

Meanwhile, Negi's sprint slowed down as he panted, more out of nervousness than any physical exhaustion. How shameful! What kind of teacher was he? How could he look his students in the face ever again? Would he even want to? As a matter of fact, could he ever stare at any part of Kaede but her breasts ever aga— No, he was getting even worse! Somehow, he knew it was all Chamo's fault. What should he do next? Should he apologize to them that night? Or go back right no— No, that sounded bad too! Would Asuna ever forgive him? What should he do to make up for her? And why did she have even less hair down there than Mak— No, bad thought again, bad thought again!

Well, he was sure of one thing. From then on, he'd be much more careful! He'd never foolishly run into an uncomfortable, indecent scene like that again!

A second later, he heard strange splashing sounds coming from another nearby lake and quickly peeked over a nearby huge boulder, trying to see if it was some sign of danger.

What he saw there made him gasp aloud.

…

In shock and surprise, not for any other reason.

…

_**REALLY!** _

* * *

 

**Interlude the First**

Albireo Imma was having a completely average day. Get up, prepare breakfast, spy on people, feed his pet dragon, troll some losers around the internet forums, write some highly inflammatory articles in Encyclopedia Dramatica, see some naked schoolgirls bathing in the waters not far from his house…

Albireo froze, hurriedly backtracking to make sure he'd seen that right. Yup, there they were: lots of naked teenaged schoolgirls, horsing around in the water, molesting one another…

The member of Ala Rubra clapped his hands together, looking soulfully upwards. "On behalf of Ala Rubra, I would like to formally apologize to the heavens for that time we let Jack drags us up there to steal goddess panties. You have my most sincere thanks for your forgiveness and blessing."

With that, he went to gather some biographical recording gear, binoculars, and video equipment. My, Asuna-chan had filled out rather nicely. Not that he was looking at her specifically, but STILL! He was a long-haired, robe-wearing, textually sexually-ambivalent who looked like he filed the camp-gay quota, not _**DEAD!**_ And Asuna _had_ filled out nicely…

* * *

 

**Interlude the Second**

Skuld stared at the trainee in front of her. "One of Ala Rubra finally apologized?" she said, disbelieving.

The trainee– Flonne, her nametag said– nodded.

Skuld facepalmed. "He picked now of all times… more snow in hell?"

Flonne nodded again.

Skuld sighed. "Come on… let's get back to work…"

Flonne sighed as she fllowed her supervisor. "I wonder if my penpal Etna has days like this…"

* * *

 

**Interlude the Third**

"Finally, a snow day!" Etna cried, holding her snowboard. "Vacation!"

"Vacation!" everyone else chorused.

And there was much rejoicing…

* * *

 

**Act Eight:**

Negi gasped, literally paralyzed, as he saw Chisame gracefully swimming through the pristine waters of the lake, the graceful curves of her back and butt clearly visible under the bright sunlight. Her long hair floated around her in a mesmerizing way. The idea abruptly came to Negi's mind, telling him it was the most beautiful scene he had ever seen...

And then the backlash washed over him like icy water, moving him to turn around, with a hand on his chest, admonishing himself again. Why was he turning into a Peeping Tom? Nekane would've been so disappointed if she ever learned that! He had to run away to some private and lonely place, far away from water, until everyone had finished bathing. Yeah, that was it. He wouldn't look again, no matter what would he hear...

Then he heard Chisame's shrill shriek, and immediately looked over the rock again, jolted up by his alarmed nerves.

He gasped once more.

Negi sucks at keeping promises, doesn't he? Must be a Springfield thing…

Haruna had just broken through the surface right behind his roommate, as naked as she was, and had clung onto her back like a mischievous bear pounding on an unfortunate prey. The mangaka giggled crazily as she pressed her breasts on the other girl's back, enjoying seeing her squirm and thrash around in a vain attempt to shake the stronger, slightly bigger girl off herself.

"DAMMIT, SAOTOME!" Chisame yelled. "LEMME GO! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

"Really?" Haruna cooed into her ear. "Then tell me... Why are you laughing?-!" she teased, her fingers quickly coming to Chisame's sides and skillfully tickling the area over her ribs, so masterfully Hasegawa began to guffaw against her will almost on the spot.

"No... No!" she protested, trying to hold her laughter back and sound indignant at the same time. "Hee hee... Haruna, no! I'm going to kick your ass so hard..."

"Then I won't be able to let you go..." Haruna kept on teasing mercilessly, rubbing herself only once over Chisame's back, but that was more than enough to cover the other girl's skin with goosebumps. The fingers tickled again, eliciting more reluctant laughter. "Although, if you promise you'll kick my bare ass with your bare foot, I might be tempted to concede. Are they as soft as the rest of you...?"

Chisame tried to head-butt her in the chin. "I told you to stop, you psycho! Hentai!"

"Oh, but I'm hardly alone there..." Haruna lowered her voice playfully, giving Chisame's right earlobe a very brief lick. "I saw what you did with Negi-kun back there," she accused, making Chisame blush and gasp. Negi also blushed and gasped even more, remembering the events of the fall with clarity now. "Naughty girl, and after committing yourself to Asuna, too..."

"Only... only you would be crazy enough to spy on others while falling to your doom..." Chisame panted, as the tickling briefly stopped allowing her to catch her breath. The grasp on her, however, still was iron-hard. "Look, the Asuna thing... We had to do it, otherwise, everyone would have piled up on me..."

"Kazumi told me you put far too much enthusiasm into it for all of it to be faked," Haruna said, her hands now cupping Chisame's breasts firmly. For some reason, the hacker was unable to fight back. "Don't sweat. I won't judge you. All I ask is for you not to judge me in turn, when we really are the same..."

"I'm not... like you!" she protested. "I'm not a... a dirty...!"

"A dirty what? A dirty girl who likes boys and girls?"

Chisame clenched her teeth. "I don't like girls... or little boys..."

"Oh. I guess that explains why you French them," Haruna piously posed.

"I'm not... I don't like..." she panted, wondering why was Haruna's touch exciting her so much, and why hadn't she killed her yet. "I'm not like you at all..." she repeated.

"Silly Chi-chan," Haruna blew on her face. "If you don't want to cheat on them, you should admit you're into both sides of the fence, starting with yourself. Be honest about it. Say that..." her hands moved down to a relatively safer position over her ribs, "... and I'll let you go."

"You bitch," she grunted. "I'm not like you. I'm not... ahhh.." she jerked as she was pinched in the butt. "Viagra-powered rabbit, hitting on anything that crosses your path..."

"It's all in the name of harmless fun, Chi-chan," Haruna purred again. "And everyone knows what to expect from me. Now, leading two people around while no one suspects it? That's truly bad. Really _awful_.You can't half-do things. Either be like me, or be an actual straight and narrow girl. Or hell, not-straight but narrow girl. No one will bash you for it. Certainly not me..."

Chisame shook her head stubbornly. "I'm not an abnormal..."

"Bad word!" Haruna's fingers tickled her again, making her double in hilarious agony. "I told you, I won't let you go until you've admitted it to yourself! I only want to help you!"

"Screw... your help..."

Haruna never became angry, instead softly kissing the back of her neck. At that point, it was like watching a train wreck for Negi. It was so bizarre and... horrible...?... and yet, he couldn't stop staring, his rational mind in the freezer.

"Afterwards, we can do that," Haruna said. "Did you like kissing Asuna?"

"No..." Chisame lied.

"And Negi-kun?"

She was about to deny it again, but somehow couldn't form the words. She shuddered in Haruna's embrace, blushing and furiously pulling her own head down. "Y-Y-Yes..." she mumbled in defeat, low enough for Negi to be unable to hear her, not like he could have processed the information anyway.

Haruna looked down at her, feeling some pity for her current state. Maybe she had gone too far, she told herself in what had to be a first time.

_"More biscuits for Garm!" Skuld cried. "Get all that snow out of hell already! What? A new snowfall? DARN IT!"_

Reluctantly, Haruna allowed the soft, wet body in her arms to go. "Well... That's a start..."

In that very moment, Chisame swung a fist into her stomach. "You slut!" she cried tearfully.

Haruna gasped for air, stumbling back and falling on her butt. "I guess... I guess I deserved that..." she wheezed while Chisame stood over her fuming with fury, fists balled up.

Negi fell down to his knees, still unnoticed. He was sweating bullets, the old Evangeline wound at the back of his neck ached like heck, and there was something very wrong with his crotch. He pushed it down with his fists, somehow realizing instinctively it was supposed to be a bad thing, and in truth, the pain of hitting it so hard caused it to go back to normal. He sighed in relief, until he heard the feminine screams coming from down the place.

He stayed sitting there, closing his eyes. Okay, this time he WAS going to stick to his guns. No looking at all, no sir.

"NEGI-KUN! CHI-CHAN, PARU-CHAN!" Makie was screaming. "THAT ROCK STATUE GUY'S HERE!"

He re-opened his eyes and sighed, jumping back to his feet in a flash.

* * *

 

**Act Nine:**

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" a helpless Makie cried, kicking and waving her arms while caught in the massive closed hand of the fearsome living statue standing at the middle of the lagoon. "NEGI-KUN! ASUNA! KAEDE!"

The other girls and Negi quickly gathered around them, all of them so shaken by shock, the nudity of all the girls but Yue was not even registering as a factor anymore. Yue was frantically trying to stick a book deep inside her bag.

"Makie-chan!" Asuna screamed.

"HO HO HO HO!" the statue's deep voice boomed so loudly it shook the foliage of all nearby trees. "YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME! NOT EVEN HERE! SO GIVE YOURSELVES UP NOW, BAD, LAZY STUDENTS!"

Haruna lifted an eyebrow up. "Give ourselves up to you? Why, Mr. Rock... We've just met..."

The golem seemed actually taken aback by those words for a moment. "THAT— THAT IS NOT WHAT I—"

"Liar!" Haruna accused, pointing at him. "You're firmly grabbing Makie-chan's tempting, wet and virginal naked body!"

"His fingers are at my boobies!" Makie yelled.

It almost made a gasping sound as its fingers quickly moved away from her chest area and to a safer place, then continued, "YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE BOOK! GET OUT OF THIS ISLAND IMMEDIATELY!"

"LET MAKIE-SAN GO!" Negi roared with sudden ferocity, so angry he forgot everything about both his lack of magic and the fact it needed to be secret, whipping his training wand out of a pocket and aiming it up at the titan. "YOU EVIL, INDECENT CREATURE!"

"Haruna's soul-mate!" Chisame spat with disgust.

Haruna's face twitched. "You know you loved it..."

Ku blinked. "Negi-bouzou, are you going to hit IT with that stick?"

"HO?" the golem looked down intently at it. "WHY SHOULD I ACCEPT YOUR TERMS, CHILD?"

"LET MY STUDENT GO, OR ELSE...!" he cried, then began chanting, much to Asuna and Chisame's horror, "Rastel Maskil Magister... SAGITTA MAGICA!" He aimed at the monster's chest.

To quote the immortal words of Roronoa Zoro. _Nothing... Nothing happened._

"Ahhhhh..." the boy babbled, eyes swirling.

"Negi-kun..." Haruna began, "... No matter how crazy you act, you aren't going to scare him away."

Ku, Kaede, Yue and even Makie nodded slowly.

The golem rasped and added, "I KNOW ABOUT YOUR TEST. AND YOUR DECEPTIVE PLANS FOR IT. GIVE UP! EVEN IF YOU DEPARTED NOW... YOU WOULD NOT GET THERE IN TIME!"

"Shaddap!" Asuna stood her ground. "What is it to you, anyway? Just let Makie go, or else...!"

"OR ELSE, WHAT?"

Ku Fei and Nagase assumed fighting stances. "We'll be your opponents!" the Chinese girl growled.

"For the sake of a comrade, I won't back off from anyone or anything-de gozaru!"

"Girls, no!" Negi gulped. "Stand back! You only could fight that thing with magic!"

Asuna covered his mouth with both hands. "D-Don't be stupid! M-Magic doesn't exist at all! Isn't that right, Chisame-chan?"

"Y-Yeah. Not at all..." Hasegawa agreed.

Haruna pointed at the golem. "Then... How do you explain it's walking and talking?"

"Animatronics," Chisame said.

"Mass hallucination," Asuna disagreed.

"The hallucination is grabbing my ass now!" Makie shrilled.

"SORRY," it moved its fingers off Makie's buttocks. "I DID NOT MEAN TO."

"Yeah. Right," Haruna snorted. "Anyone would be tempted. Have you _seen_ her ass?"

The golem made quite a good impression of trying not to turn its head to look.

Then, without any warning, a green haired blur zoomed down from far above, landing with a loud thud on the golem's head, nearly drilling it down into the lagoon and making it to drop Makie.

"Aiiiieee!" the gymnast shrieked, but before Negi could even scream her name, Kaede had jumped up to safely catch her in her arms. "Ka-Kaede-chan!"

"It's all okay, Makie-dono. I'm here," the tall kunoichi said warmly as she landed on her feet a few meters away, then looked at the figure now standing on the golem's head, a neutral expression on her face.

Kaede smiled at her.

"And so is Chachamaru-dono."

* * *

 

**Act Ten:**

The golem rose back to its feet as Chachamaru flew down next to her eager classmates and teacher.

"I have the book," she informed them, making their faces to light up. "Now we simply need to reach the surface in time for the test. Is everyone okay, Negi-sensei?"

"We are now!" Haruna grinned. "Way to go, Chacha-chan! We shoulda brought you from the start!"

"GIVE THAT BOOK BACK!" the giant commanded. "HOW COULD YOU STEAL IT FROM MY FELLOW GUARDIAN'S HANDS?"

"It technically was not a steal. He allowed me to keep it," the robot replied with unwavering calm. "Don't worry about your brother, Golem-san. He's in relatively good condition, although he'll likely need maintenance..."

"Wow, Chachamaru!" Ku gushed. "You managed to take the other rock giant down, all by yourself?"

She lowered her head. "I was... fortunate."

The golem still lumbered towards them. "I DEMAND FOR A REPEAT OF THE TEST! THIS PROCEDURE HAS BEEN HIGHLY IRREGULAR!"

"Anyone else thinks he sounds like Itoshiki-sensei, the way he complains?" Haruna said.

"We need a way out, quick!" Yue said. "We can't stay here wasting time and risking our lives against that thing!"

Chachamaru nodded while her eyes scanned the whole area. "I detect a hidden doorway behind those waterfalls. Ayase-san, please hold on to my back."

"S-Sure!" Yue gasped, jumping up to hug Chachamaru's back, right as the gynoid tucked the yelping Negi and Chisame under an arm each. Then she lifted off towards the waterfalls, as Kaede kept on carrying Makie, and Asuna, Haruna and Ku ran after them, forgetting everything else behind.

"Sensei, your staff is in my backpack," Chachamaru told Negi in mid-flight. "You should use it right now. Under these dangerous circumstances, you should prioritize your personal safety..."

"Chachamaru-san, even if I wanted to, I couldn't!" he protested.

"What are you talking about?-!" Yue asked. "Why do you keep talking such nonsense?-!"

"MASS HALLUCINATIONS!" Chisame yelled again.

"COME BACK HERE!" the golem shouted, in hot pursuit. "ACCEPT YOUR DESTINY! PROVE YOUR INTELLIGENCE, IF YOU CAN!"

Ku Fei growled, twisting a leg around to kick a gigantic boulder on her way, punting it straight into the golem's chest and sending it flying a few feet back. "Smart thing to do NOT staying back with you-aru!"

"Bravo, Ku-chan!" Haruna cheered. "That's some real leg power!"

"He he heh, thanks..." the Chinese blonde chuckled.

"Yeah... Long, powerful, well-toned, dark-skinned, nice, lean legs..."

At that point, the golem, who had rejoined the chase, slipped on some of Haruna's drool and fell flat on its face, allowing them some more time to put some distance between them.

"Glad to see you're doing your part too, Paru-dono!" Kaede approved.

"Oh, you know me!" she replied proudly. "Always doing my best in whatever I do!" She looked at the kunoichi's chest. "Very nice bounce, by the way!"

"Thanks. Yours is not bad either."

Chisame grimaced. "Next year, I'm _so_ asking for a class change."

Yue closed her eyes. "Yeah. I'll try to talk Nodoka into it, as well..."

"You'll pardon me if I try not to be in the same school as you."

"I was actually about to ask the same thing."

* * *

 

**Act Eleven:**

Negi felt the icy flow of the waterfall washing over him as Chachamaru flew through it, gently setting him, Chisame and Yue down, facing the tall rock wall before them. The boy gasped in awe. Even with his magic being nullified, he could feel a faint pattern of magical energy dancing over the rock, drawing the contours of a door before them.

Yue watched intently how he ran his fingers over the stony surface, his eyes wide and mesmerized, moments before part of the rocks moved aside to reveal a large gate leading into a tall and dark flight of upwards stairs.

"Well, who would have thought it...?" he laughed lamely. "What a stroke of luck...!"

"Right," Yue scowled with a disbelieving expression.

Right then, Ku, Kaede, Makie, Haruna and Asuna arrived at their side, the latter two panting frantically.

"Whooo!" Saotome wheezed. "How can such a huge thing run so fast...?-!"

"You need refresher of whatever training you had before-de gozaru," Kaede told her. "You have a good basic conditioning, but you've let yourself go..."

"Leave the fitness advice for later!" Makie pointed up at the door. "Look! Chachamaru-chan unlocked a hidden way out!"

"Actually, it was—" Chachamaru stated, but Chisame hushed her with a finger on her lips. After a split second, Yue discreetly copied Hasegawa's action, and the robot nodded accordingly. "Never mind. I'll lead the way up in case there are any traps."

Without waiting for a reply, she dutifully headed up the steps. Behind them, the golem's walking thundered menacingly.

"Boy, talk about being between a rock and a hard place..." Asuna sweated. "But there's no time to think this over! Come on, everyone! We'll take our chances up there!"

She quickly ran up as well, making Negi to blush crimson as he got a full view of her behind.

"Oh, for the love of—!" Chisame pulled him up with her. "Stop gawking like an idiot! It's not as if it's the first time you've seen a naked woman!"

"HUH?-!-?" Makie, Haruna, Ku and Yue said at once. Kaede only chuckled.

"I-I-I WASN'T THAT WOMAN!" Chisame yelled while putting more speed into her feet, never looking back. No one was fooled.

"... bet she's had dozens of wild trios with him and Asuna already..." Haruna was muttering. "Hell, wouldn't shock me if they roped the Prof in too..."

"God helps me, I'm starting to agree with you on that..." Yue mumbled.

"And to think Dad wanted to put me at Tomobiki," Kaede commented amusedly. "I'm glad aunt Miko talked him out of it so she could continue my training…"

As Chachamaru ran up, she activated her communication links to the surface as well. _Hakase-san? It's me_.

 _CHACHAMARU!_ the voice rang in her head, almost bawling. Was that really Hakase-san? The voice was a 99, 99998% match for hers, but she hadn't ever heard her bawling... well, not outside of the battle at the bridge. The memory confirmed it was, indeed, Hakase's voice when she sounded anguished. _Are you okay? How much of you is still operational? Have you found Negi-sensei? And Chisame? And—_ A pause. _Who else was lost, again?_

Chachamaru repressed an unusual new urge to express the far too human sound known as a sigh. _We all are in perfect physical condition so far, Hakase-san. Please tell Iincho-san she doesn't need to call on her mercenary operatives. I'll get everyone back before the scheduled hour._ _Roger! Good to hear you so confident, Chachamaru-chan!_ _Hakase-san, may I ask you a question?_ _Anything! What is it?_ _Have you been crying?_ _Uh..._ _Because your voice does sound strangely sniffling and tired..._ _I have no idea... what are you talking about..._

Another voice burst through the link. _WHERE'S MY CHISAME-SAMA?-! I'M GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWAL WITHOUT HER!_

Chachamaru nearly felt like sighing again. _We'll be there right now, Tsunetsuki-sempai._

Then they all reached another, closed door blocking their narrow way up. "Crap!" Asuna cursed. "Chachamaru, punch this door down!"

The gynoid's eyes glowed green. "No. There seems to be some sort of security device hooked into it. Any violent attempt to force it open will make it explode."

"There's a problem written on it," Yue read. "It says, 'What is the past participle of the English verb 'Read'?"

"Another riddle?" Makie complained. "Was the guy who built this library born in Gotham City?"

"Well, that _would_ explain a lot about this loony bin…" Chisame muttered.

The giant's voice still came from below, as the behemoth stampeded beneath them, making its own way up. "FOOLS! WAIT! YOU WILL GET YOURSELVES KILLED!"

"Chachamaru!" Asuna barked. "You said you had the book, didn't you? Give it to me!"

"Huh?" Karakuri asked. "But, why—"

"Isn't it obvious? We're going to see if it works!"

"But, I can—"

"Your grades are barely better than ours! Now hand me the book!" Asuna pressed on.

"Yeah, about that…" Chisame muttered. "Just how lazy a programmer _is_ Hakase?"

Chachamaru obeyed, and Asuna held the tome, closing her eyes and placing her other hand's fingers upon the door. Her expression grew solemn and focused as she said, "The answer is 'READ'!"

"Yes, that's it!" Negi cheered.

The door immediately opened itself with a whirring sound.

"Whoa, Asuna, it really works!" Haruna marveled. "From ignorant but sexy hick, you just went to Hot Genius worth the Saotome Seal of Approval!"

"You're now equal to the likes of Hellsender and Jorlem!" Yue name-dropped as promised out loud.

Asuna smirked, holding two fingers against her forehead in the standard 'insufferable genius being insufferable' pose. "Naturally. Haruna, through simple deduction, I have figured out the reasons behind your attention-grabbing attempts at depravity. Yue, I have deciphered the motives behind your morbid fascination with unhealthy and disgusting drinks. Chachamaru, I've just thought of a few modifications that could help your aerodynamic performance in flights above the mark of 100 feet of height. Negi, I can now tell, from the subtle clues in your behavior and attitude, you are starting to undergo through—"

"RETURN THAT BOOK! NOW!" the golem howled.

"— But mostly, I do believe it's for the best if we continue our escape immediately," Asuna began to run up again.

"Now that's the mark of a true genius," Yue exhaled, following her steps.

* * *

 

**Act Twelve:**

The group couldn't make it for more than another story's worth of height before running into another door with an inscription on it.

"It's a Math Problem," Yue read. "In the graph below, can you determine the value of X?"

"I want to be smart too!" Ku Feo quickly snatched the book from Asuna's hands, blinking as her mind was suddenly filled with knowledge. "Wow... it works! It's so... wonderful! Everything's so clear now! I can understand why Chao acts so strangely sometimes! I can see the mechanics of the universe! I— I can even pronounce the true name of God! It's Ken Aka—"

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, KU!" everyone yelled at her. Even Negi.

She sighed and half-slammed a fist on the door. "46 degrees."

The door opened immediately.

"That's our Ku-arune," Kaede patted her on the head.

They continued running up, with the golem still giving chase, never too far behind. Door after door they went, taking turns holding the book and opening the doors appearing on their way with annoying frequency.

"Because he was blind!" Makie said.

"Kamatari Nakatomino," Kaede said next.

"The Hebrew Angel of Death, Azrael," Haruna answered the next one.

"Aglets!" Chisame said, taking her turn. And wondered why she'd just realized her sister's friend should be living with a goddess.

"I don't think I need the book to answer this..." Negi proceeded to read the inscription on the door, and sweatdropped. "Haruna-san?" he held a hand out over to her. Haruna dutifully handed him the book despite Chisame's attempt to stop her. Negi held it, blinked, looked at the question again, blushed, and shyly replied, "... Through sexual contact."

"You should have answered that one!" Chisame told Haruna. "It's your specialty!"

Paru shrugged. "Think of it this way. This trip has been a full, long eye-opening experience for him!"

The seemingly unending race continued for what seemed at least one hour more, and at that point, Yue, Chisame and Negi had grown so tired the first one had to piggyback on Kaede's back, and the later two had to be carried by Chachamaru. Chisame couldn't help but feel bad upon seeing Negi's cute, exhausted face, sweaty and strained, making small whimpering sounds. Without his magic, he was just like any normal child of his age.

She had pulled a few clothes out of Chachamaru's backpack and covered herself with them, tossing the rest to her classmates, who managed to get dressed during the brief breaks any random one of them used to open the ensuing door. By the time they reached the final level, they all were fully clothed again. They knew it was the final one because Chachamaru said that humongous door was not booby trapped, and it had no inscription on it.

The gynoid walked up to it and pushed it open with visible effort, revealing a seemingly normal hallway full of bookshelves beyond it.

"We did it!" Yue said. "I know this place! It's safe!"

"Not so safe anymore!" Asuna looked down. "Not with him still after us!"

The golem still kept on coming after them, escalating the stairs with notable tenacity. "STOP! STOP, LITTLE FOOLS!"

Negi, despite his exhaustion, managed to jump down from Chachamaru's back, standing ready stubbornly, holding his staff. "Girls, run as fast as you can! I'll keep it distracted!"

"Like hell you will!" Chisame screeched, pulling him back by an ear. "Chachamaru! Take us all flying out of here!"

The robot paused. "I do not think I'll be able to carry all of you. Your combined weight is not a problem, but I would be difficult to maneuver..."

Chisame sighed, then saluted at Haruna. "We'll miss you. Kinda."

Much to Chiu's surprise, Paru only nodded with seriousness. "Go. All of you are too cute-sexy to sacrifice. Yue, be happy with Nodoka, and tell her I loved her, too."

"Ehhh...?" Ayase blinked. "Wh-What are you—"

"Ku, you were an excellent roommate. Sorry I never showed much of an active interest in you, but I always thought you made a much better mate for Chao..." Saotome continued. "Also, girls from your village are kinda scary."

"A-ru?" Ku tilted her head aside.

"Negi-kun, Asuna, Chisame, please continue having that wonderful three-way steamy romance you no doubt have, and enjoy it to its fullest," Haruna went on.

"The hell of what now?-!" Asuna yelled.

"No. Just… No," Chisame's face quaked.

"Ro... man... ce...?" Negi's mind faltered. Steam began to gush out of his head.

Haruna sniffed theatrically, turning around to face the incoming juggernaut with a martial arts pose. "Please tell Mom I'm sorry I never got to marry a rich guy, and tell Dad I loved him... yes, in THAT way!"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION, HARUNA!" Yue, Asuna and Chisame yelled.

_On her way to the classroom, Yuuna jerked up, frowning. "I feel someone trying to take my schnicht…"_

Right then, Ku Fei and Kaede simply jumped up over Paru's head to land simultaneous mighty kicks on the Golem's chest, knocking it off the stairway and down into the deep abyss below.

"We told you..." Ku began.

"... we'd be your opponents-de gozaru!" Nagase finished proudly. She thrust out her arm forward, her hand clenched in a fist, thumb upraised, and smiled wide. Her teeth went 'ting!'. " _Believe it, dattebayo!_ "

"GIRLS!" Negi screamed, trying to reach for them even as a gasping Chisame held him closer and back.

He didn't need to worry, however; before they could fall any long, Chachamaru flew down in a flash and grabbed both Ku and Kaede in midair, safely bringing them back with the rest of them.

"YOU HAVE PASSED THE TEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSTTT...!" the rock titan shouted as it plummeted down into the darkness, finally out of sight and hearing. They waited for a moment, and there was a distant crash. "…owie…"

"Girls!" Negi ran tearfully to hug both martial artists. "You... YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT! WHAT IF YOU HAD DIED?-!-?"

Elsewhere, Itoshiki lifted an eyebrow, looking up from his spartan breakfast of ill-prepared blowfish, diet pills, weapon's-grade sugar. "I feel like someone's stealing a catchphrase of mine again..."

Back at the Library, Makie whistled. "Maybe that was a bit too much. What if you just killed poor Evil Golem-san?"

"They are very resistant creatures," Chachamaru observed. "I'm sure he'll live."

Meanwhile, Minamoto Shizuna-sensei was entering the Dean's office, carrying several notebooks in her hands. "Sensei? It's almost time for the— Are you feeling okay, Sensei?"

He held his head up, which now was sporting several bulbous lumps on it for some reason. "Yes... why, yes, I am. Nothing to worry about! Just... just get me an aspirin, will you, Shizuna-kun?"

* * *

 

**Act Thirteen:**

Matoi clung to Chisame's body like a rabid tree hugger to a trunk during an environmental protest. "CHISAME-SAMA!"

"Wha— LET ME GO, TSUNETSUKI! Sheesh!" Her arms were pinned to her sides by Matoi's deceivingly strong hug, but somehow Chisame managed to shake her off herself by beating her down with her chin. "That's it! I'm going to have you arrested, psycho freak!"

"We got the book! We got the book!" Asuna pranced into the room next, just as a bright eyed Hakase ran to meet them, even if she mostly only cared about Negi, Chachamaru, Chisame, and the tome Kagurazaka was holding up.

"Oh, good! All of you are all in perfect physical condition! Looks like Sakurako-chan won her bet, too!" the scientist said.

The weary explorers stared at her. "Who bet against our survival?" Asuna asked.

"... Actually, Sakurako-chan was the only one who bet on all of you making it out alive," Satomi admitted. "She's going to make a fortune out of it..."

Matoi pointed at Makie and confessed casually, "Well... I had bet she wouldn't make it."

The gymnast's eyes became huge white circles. "I'm the chain's weakest link?-!"

Matoi nodded. "Yes. Always."

"Now, now, there's no time to waste at all," Negi urged, stiffling a tired yawn. "We'd better get moving for the Academy right now..."

But Hakase was too busy looking up at Asuna with pleading eyes. "Can I hold it for a moment, please? Through all of my life, I've been searching for the ultimate knowledge! And while this is cheating, unsatisfactory way of reaching it, I still can't let it go!"

"Um, sure," Asuna shrugged nonchalantly and handed it to her. "You don't even need to flip through it. It works by simply holding it..."

But Satomi was sporting a simple disappointed expression as she looked down at it. "I don't feel that different... The true name of God, meh... Ahh, so that is what Sakurako meant that time when she told me that... Hm. Not that much that I didn't know already..." She passed the book back to Asuna. "Thanks, but you can keep it. You need it far more than me..."

"I already knew that! That's why I was here in the first place!" Asuna barked.

They all ran out of the huge building, now joyous and victorious... but as soon as they set foot out of the front steps, the book in Asuna's hands exploded into a shower of white sparkles, and then into nothingness.

"AH!" Negi cried.

"WHAT?-!" Chisame choked.

"ARU?-!" Ku Fei babbled.

"WE FAIL AT LIFE?-!" Makie said.

"What... What has just happened?-!" Kaede sputtered.

"I can't remember anything of that super genius stuff I learned!" Haruna blinked. "Asuna, this is your fault!"

"Mine?-! Why?-!" Kagurazaka asked.

"You were the one holding the book!" Makie pointed out.

"Give me a break! It'd have happened if you had been holding it, too!" Asuna looked at Negi. "Isn't that right, Negi-bouzou?"

He just stared helplessly, streams of tears raining down his cheeks. "Ah... ah... ah... Ahh, yes, I guess... That looked like it was a... sealing spell used to guarantee the book couldn't be taken out of the Library..." his voice wandered randomly.

The muggle girls seemed confused.

"And how did you know that?" Kaede asked.

"Oh, well, you see..." he eeped, "I... have researched a bit on myths, legends and traditions, and... and..."

"You all forgot to fill out a library card," Yue, who'd fallen back a little, said, tucking something into her bag. "Don't you know anything? If you want take out a book, you need to go to the desk and have your library card filled in."

"Wait, you mean we lost the book because we _**DIDN'T CHECK IT OUT?**_ " the rest of the girls said as Asuna and Hakase sighed with relief, as well as Matoi. Haruna was smacking herself on the forehead, screaming about how she should have remembered that.

"Yes," Yue said simply, very much aware of the book she'd checked out in her bag…

Then the whole meaning of the situation sank in for Chisame, and she pulled on her hair screaming at the sky. "AAARRRRGHHH! WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE! YOU MEAN, AFTER ALL OF THIS, AFTER LOSING POOR LAPTOP-KUN, AFTER BEING MOLESTED BY HARUNA, AFTER SUFFERING SO MUCH DOWN THERE, ALL OUR EFFORTS WERE IN VAIN JUST BECAUSE _**WE DIDN'T FOLLOW LIBRARY PROCEDURE?**_ "

"We bring it up every year during library orientation," Yue pointed out.

"ARGH!" Haruna fumed. "Crap! How's the world going to screw us next? Three pretty-pretty villains with elemental powers come outta nowhere, rip Chachamaru in half and beat the rest of us down to bloody pulp?-!"

"... Ripped in half?" Chachamaru asked.

Hakase's eyes were impossibly wide now. "Did Haruna molest you?-!"

"... Do you really find it surprising?" Asuna asked in turn.

Matoi was trying to savagely claw Paru's face off, only being held back by Kaede's sudden chokehold on her. "You bitch! Pervert! Babylon Whore! Chisame-sama's ripe young body is only for me to take!"

"W-We'll worry about it later!" Negi stammered, trying to regain his leadership wits. "It's almost time for the test! If we aren't there in less than fifteen minutes...!"

"That'll be no problem," Hakase said. "Iincho-san hired the world's allegedly best driver to take us back to the Academy. As a matter of fact, he should be here..."

Right at that moment, a speeding red Jeep Cherokee 2.1 TD Limited zoomed by, running out of the nearby road and screeching to a halt right before a terrified Makie. An unkempt, blond man wearing a green shirt and smoking a suspicious looking cigarette peeked out of it, waving a hand around in a dazed sort of way.

"Heyyyyy, kiddies! Here's Daddy Leigharch, here to take you for a ride!" he said, in a thick, zoned out, yet loud and annoying, Irish accent, sounding like a crappy American dub from the eighties. "Hang on to your asses and hop into the car!"

The girls and Negi stared at him in stupefied horror.

The man grunted. "Well, whaddya want? Just because you're Magical Girls wearing your pink sailor fukus, you were waiting for the Batmobile? Batman is an urban legend! My pal Superman told me so when he was carrying me over to Belle Reve prison!"

Yue gave Hakase a concerned stare. "I'm no expert in these matters, but... isn't this man drugged?"

Satomi nodded in a stupor. "I believe so, yes..."

"I'm not on the stuff anymore, officer!" the driver said. "And I'm still the top dog at the road! You wanna getaway? Then I'm your man! So, let's split before the other pigs get there, with their Uzis and Panzers and bazookas!"

Chachamaru quietly picked Negi under an arm, Chisame under the other, and began gaining height with them. "I will take them there, Hakase-san. There's no point on everyone dying, after all. I suggest you to take your speedster..."

"I will do so, yes," Satomi nodded, pulling her own mini speedster out of the nearby bushes and gesturing for Matoi to hop on behind her. "Well, good luck, everyone!"

"We'll meet again at the Academy!" Negi, always the optimist, waved at his students.

"Oh thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks..." Chisame was hugging Chachamaru's body, almost sobbing against it. "I didn't want to die yet..."

Haruna grinned and walked over to the driver. "Hey there, Leigharch-san! Remember me? I'm Haruna! How's Auntie Shenhua doing?"

The man blinked, pulled his dark glasses up, and rubbed his reddish eyes. "You? You're Haruna? Shampoo's niece? MAN! I WAS THINKING YOU WERE SAILOR V! You've grown up! Last time I saw you, thirty years ago, you only came up to my knees! Wasn't that the time I helped you and your Dad escape a nine-headed giant dragon?"

Paru laughed. "Don't be silly! It wasn't like that at all! The dragon only had eight heads! And I'm only fourteen years old!"

Yue grimaced in horror. "Don't tell me you really know this man..."

Saotome shrugged. "You know Dad and Mom. They had a lot of... adventures... when they were younger." Then she happily jumped into the seat next to the driver's, fastening her belt. "Well, let's get going! Don't be chickens! His reputation is well-founded! We'll be there in a blink! Hell, I bet you we'll be there before Chachamaru and the Prof!"

Asuna sighed as she followed Kaede, who was pushing a terror-paralyzed Makie and Yue into the vehicle. "At least I'm an orphan... No family will lament me..."

Ku jumped in after them, pumping a fist up. "Go, go, go! Speed Racer...!"

"That wimp? I taught him everything he knows!" Leigharch chuckled raspily, sinking a foot into the accelerator. "Even how to French mutant giant gorillas! Now sit tight, and don't touch that white dust over there! IT'S ALL MINE! I forgot! We have to go to Liverpool! Jimi Hendrix is calling for me! To defeat the Klingons-ASAP! Oh Captain Picard here I come!"

As the car speeded by, Yue's last thought was they at least weren't in Yukari-sensei's car...

* * *

 

**Act Fourteen:**

Ayaka bit her fingernails as she wrote through her test. The classroom was in a tense, despairing silence as the girls waited and filled their sheets as best as they could. The teacher in charge stood sternly at the front of the class, imposing the utmost respect with his mere presence.

Then, however, Sakurako heard noise outside and smiled, looking out a window. "Ah! Iincho, look! Your driver's here with the Baka Rangers!"

"Where? Where?-!" Ayaka jumped for the window, half of the girls following, grouping right behind them and struggling to get a good view of the arrivals. "Where's Negi-sensei?-! I can't see him there!"

Misora sneakily took the opportunity to peak at some people's papers while everyone including the teacher was distracted.

Leigharch's jeep had stopped right before the Academy, and a visibly shaken Yue, Makie, Kaede, Ku and Asuna were stumbling out of it.

"I... I need new panties...!" the gymnast sobbed.

Ku Fei only mumbled in Chinese, deeply disturbed, her usual cheerfulness fully gone.

Kaede had some kunai in a hand, first considering sinking them on the goofily grinning Leigharch, then in herself, then pocketing them back with a weary sigh.

Asuna was trying to strangle herself with her own ponytails. Staring from a window, Itoshiki-sensei nodded approvingly of her technique.

Yue rubbed her large forehead and exhaled. "... Still not as bad as Yukari-sensei's driving..."

Haruna gave a wet peck on Leigharch's right cheek. "Still as great as I remembered it! Thanks!"

"Damn you! You can't be a human being!" Asuna yelled at her.

The junkie driver chuckled. "Thanks, Sailor V! Could you ladies take me to the beach next? Could it be? Could it? The legendary nude beach?" His face spasmed as he said so.

"Maybe in another life," Asuna was too tired to argue with violence anymore.

Chachamaru arrived next, bringing Negi and Chisame along. She seemed slightly surprised to see the car had, indeed, arrived before she did. Looking at the man at the driver's wheel with newborn respect, she bowed to him. "My congratulations, Leigharch-san. You truly are an expert in your field."

The man was too busy slamming his head against his jeep's horn to notice her. "I like it when it does this noise...!"

Ayaka stood proudly. "Once again, the Yukihiro Zaibatsu proves it hires nothing but the best..."

Yuuna made a disgusted face while looking down. "I think... he has just puked all over his shoes..."

"Ahhh!" Sakurako cooed. "Here comes Satomi-chan, as well! Oh, and Tsunetsuki-sempai."

"BWARK!" the teacher at charge of the test yelled loudly, and all the students rushed back to their seats, terrified of him. "BWAK! BWAK, BUCKAWWW, BUCKAWWW!"

"S-Sorry, Boo-sensei!" Ako apologized. "It won't happen again!"

"Oh, no, it already started!" Negi gasped while running up the stairs, the girls trailing shortly behind. "But it can't be too late! We—"

Nitta-sensei swiftly stepped in between them and the door of 2-A, sighing. "The Baka Rangers. I should have expected this. You can't disturb the other students, so I'll take your tests at another classroom. You too, Tsunetsuki."

"Can I take the same test as Chisame-sama?" Matoi asked.

"Of course not!" Nitta replied.

"Uh... Excuse me..." Negi said shyly. "Girls... All of you... Please do your best, but don't strain yourselves. You... You have been the best students I could have ever had, and I was so happy I could teach you..."

The girls paused, looking at him with shocked, then moved expressions, even on Tsunetsuki's face. Finally, Kaede smiled and broke the silence. "Don't worry about us. We can take it from here."

"Leave everything to us!" Makie smirked.

"We'll get by without the book!" Ku made a V sign.

"Thanks for the study sessions, Negi-sensei. I'm sure they'll be enough for this," Yue told him.

The young mage sniffled, until Chisame placed her hands on his shoulders. "You dumbass. Don't you trust us? And yourself? Look, I know normally I'd have been the first one to doubt there, but... You have given me cause to... have hope," she added reluctantly. "Smile, you idiot. I don't want to see you like this. We'll feel better... if we go in there seeing you trust us."

He stood there with his mouth open for a moment, before slowly making an apologetic smile. "I do."

Chisame gave him back a small smile of her own. "Good to know."

"Ahem!" Nitta coughed, herding them into the classroom. "Touching as all that was ladies, we're on a schedule here. Negi-sensei, please wait outside, will you?"

"Yes... Of course," he waved weakly at them, and then walked out into the open. He sat down on the grass hugging his knees, drooping his head down. A few moments later, he felt the final mark on his wrist finally vanishing, checking it out for confirmation. "Well. Looks like it's all back to normal," he mused.

Then he stood up, picking a small flower from the grass. He walked near the window of the latecomers' classroom, and quietly cast a spell with the flower. _"I call on you, fragance of the wild flower. Please fill my friends with your pure power. Refectio."_

A soft, tender smell flowed into the classroom, making the girls to feel better somehow. Makie lifted her tired head, which didn't feel as heavy now. Asuna felt the sleep fluttering away from her eyes. All across the room, every last one of them felt better, more optimistic, more focused.

Yue took a brief look at the window, as if suspecting something, and indeed, for the briefest fraction of a second, she saw him standing there before moving aside like a surprised bunny. For once, her normally austere face allowed itself a small smile.

She knew it.

* * *

 

**Act Fifteen:**

As Nitta-sensei finally left the classroom, sighing heavily and carrying the finished tests out, he was shocked to see the Dean himself approaching him down the hall. As always ever since that Valentine's day, Nitta's first reaction was to stick his back against a wall, pressing his derriere against it for dear life.

"H-Headmaster-sensei!" he said stiffly, trying to sound normal. "What a surprise to see you here! Hmm... Are you hurt? What are those bandages on your head?"

"Oh, these? Nothing, nothing!" the old man shook his head. "Just had a little spill, that's all. Are those the tests of Class 2-A?"

"The latecomers', yes. They have just turned them in. Why?"

"Could I grade them personally?" he extended his wrinkled hands ahead. "I promise I'll have them ready before this afternoon..."

Later that afternoon, and after the quick job of the evaluation teams, the students and some teachers had crowded into the expansive main hall, chattering and muttering amongst themselves while waiting for the grades to be announced. Some heavy betting took place in relative secrecy, with even some of the teachers joining in.

"You'll lose your whole salary for the month again..." Nyamo-sensei whispered to Yukari-sensei.

Yukari shook her head stubbornly. "I know my dummies better than anyone!" she hissed. "If I say Tomo and Kagura will flunk, then they'll flunk for sure!"

The deeply tanned girl a few feet away scowled. "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Teach!"

The flatter, paler girl at her side shrugged. "Hey, she knows what she's saying there. If they'd take my bets on it, I'd have bet on our flunking, too!"

Kagura shot her an annoyed glare. "Bite a raw cable, Tomo."

"Silence!" Hall Monitor Kotegawa Yui clapped her hands. "It's starting now!"

They all held their breaths as the numbers began appearing on the large plasma screen hanging over them. Class after class appeared in no particular order, other than that of those who were finished with the tests first. The charts with the students grades burned their glowing images on the screens.

HIGH SCHOOL CLASS 1-C.

_Ishida Uryuu: 97_

Ishida only took the news with a total absence of expression, although somehow, the sudden glint in his glasses seemed to convey a smug satisfaction of sorts.

"Very good job, Ishida-kun!" Orihime clapped happily.

 _Orihime Inoue: 93_.

"THAT'S MY HIME!" Honsho Chizuru sobbed, diving for another body squeezing hug on the busty redhead. "As wise as Athena, but as beautiful as Aphrodite!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes, then looked at the next name in the electronic list.

_Yasutora Sado: 85._

"Well done, Chad!" Rukia patted him friendly in a huge thick arm.

"It was... nothing," the dark skinned gentle giant lowered his head humbly. "I could have studied a lot more. I was lucky..."

_Kurosaki Ichigo: 83._

"You too, Ichigo!" Rukia spoke again. "Impressive, for someone with so little time... here!"

He 'hmphed', tucking his hands into his pockets. "I don't see the big deal about it. I had nothing better to do, so I spent my time studying..."

"And he says it just like that!" Chizuru cringed. "We were outdone by three... _men_ , Ruki-chan! What went wrong? We don't have intelligence stunting male hormones, so what happened to us?-!"

"... You always fell asleep at our study sessions, Chizuru-chan," Orihime gently reminded her.

The other redhead grimaced. "We should have studied with Baseball Janken, just like 2-A. That way we'd be geniuses like Chao Lingshen."

Rukia huffed. "Orihime's smart. You'd never catch her naked with that stupid trick."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about her..." Chizuru purred, resting her chin on Rukia's right shoulder. "You, on the other hand, I'm sure we'd have you stripped in less than—"

The rest of the students stepped aside, letting her to fly by freely as Rukia punched her across the room.

"Wow, Rukia..." Orihime was in awe. "Have you been exercising lately?"

HIGH SCHOOL CLASS 2-F.

_Kitsu Chiri: 90._

"Wow, the first in the class again, Chiri-chan!" Kafuka said. "I'm very proud of your wonderful ability to leave us in the dust like fools!" she added, somehow sounding completely innocent and sincere.

But Chiri looked angry, a perfectly symmetrical vein popping in the middle of her forehead. "I have failed!"

"Huh? Were you aiming even higher?" Nami asked.

"No!" she replied. "I wanted an 88!"

"Ehhhhhh?" Nami blinked.

Chiri ran her hands over her head. "The perfect number! Eight times eleven! So gorgeous in its symmetry! Not too high, not too low! But what do I get? A nine and a zero! How ugly and uneven!" She looked around. "And where's Itoshiki-sensei? He should be here with us at this key moment of our lives!"

_Fujiyoshi Harumi: 88_

The shapely mangaka whistled. "Whoooo, not bad! Mom and Dad will be proud!"

But Chiri simply shot her a killer glare. "You... You stole my 88! And I thought you were my friend!"

A few steps away, Haruna shook her head. "Those girls are just plain crazy. Even Fujiyoshi-sempai… but everyone knows crazy girls will elt you do hot stuff to them… ah, such a conundrum!"

"It takes one to know one," Chisame observed bitterly. "What's taking our grades so long, anyway?"

"Well, we were the last ones to arrive," Satomi reminded her. "Give them time..."

They waited and waited as all the classes received their grades, until they were the last ones left. Most of the other students and their teachers had still stuck around, however, curious about seeing how would the Academy's second weirdest classroom perform that year.

Negi sweated and gasped, his heart thumping furiously, as the long dreaded words appeared on the screen.

MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASS 2-A.

* * *

 

**Act Sixteen:**

_Chao Lingshen- 100_

"Well, not exactly a shock," Yuuna commented.

Satsuki gently patted her best friend's back. "Congratulations, Chao."

"Ah, thanks a lot...!" Chao laughed goofily, scratching the back of her neck. "I guess I couldn't let my reputation down, neh?"

"That's what I like best about you. No false modesty," Kazumi weighed in.

_Hakase Satomi- 100._

"Again, no big surprise," Misa said.

"That's the way to go, Satomi-chan!" Sakurako gushed.

Hakase scratched her head. "Gee, thanks. Hmmm, since I'm not used to being congratulated in public over my academic performances, what should I say to sound grateful but not boastful, Chisame?"

"Hush, please," Hasegawa urged her. "We aren't out of the woods until everyone is confirmed."

The names began to run quickly after those, from the upper echelons of Ayaka and Nodoka to the somewhat lower ranks of the Narutakis and Misora. A rather surprising rise in grading came when Tatsumiya Mana's name came.

"83?-!" Asakura stared in disbelief at the mercenary. "How the heck?-! You never ranked above the lower 70s!"

Mana shrugged while counting the cash Ayaka was handing her. "No task is too low for a professional. Not even studying."

Shiho sweatdropped. "Oneesama, I think your inspiration is coming the wrong way this time..."

When Chachamaru's name was announced with a meager 67, Satomi casted a highly disappointed gaze into her direction. The gynoid simply lowered her head in a shameful silence, making Chisame wonder exactly what the deal was about it, but she didn't have the time to dwell on it. The lowest of the low were coming.

_Evangeline Mc Dowell- 63._ _Sakurazaki Setsuna- 60._ _Zazie Rainyday- 58._

"Oh my God. We're almost there. Even Zazie-san made it. It's all up to the Baka Rangers now," Ayaka's nerves fretted.

Natsumi tried to comfort her. "I'm sure they'll have improved with Negi-sensei's guidance, at least a bit..."

_Ayase Yue- 48._ _Ku Fei- 42._ _Nagase Kaede- 40._ _Sasaki Makie- 36._ _Kagurazaka Asuna- 32._

A deadly stunned silence fell all over 2-A.

For a long, long time, everything seemed to have frozen around them.

They all, even Evangeline, stood there with blank stares.

"It's... We're done for!" Makie finally whimpered.

"My... my ticket out of here!" was all Eva could whisper.

Shiho frowned at the Baka Rangers. "So you five idiots will have to take another test to make up for this in two weeks. It's not the end of the world!"

"You... You don't understand!" Ako pinched the bridge of her nose, looking about to cry. "Because of this... now we're going to... going to lose..."

Ayaka's eyes brimmed up with tears, and then she lunged for her rival's throat. "ASUNAAAAA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Iincho! Not now of all times!" Haruna tried to stop her.

"Haruna's right! We can't do this to Negi-sensei right now!" Natsumi argued.

"Something wrong with your teacher?" Nami asked them.

Chisame was so depressed she didn't jump on that as an opportunity to explain at length that, yes, there _was_ something wrong with having a little kid for a teacher, even if they'd gotten used to him.

"Well," Kazumi sighed. "You'll see, the problem is..."

As the rest of the classes began to gather around to listen, Chisame noticed someone was not at her side anymore.

"Negi-sensei?" she looked around, her nerves even more agitated now. "Negi-sensei? Stupid brat, where are you?-!"

He was nowhere in sight. Gone in a flash while everyone had been too distracted to react. She wanted to kick herself. Take your eyes off him for a moment, and...

"Sensei!" she ran around the back of the hall, growing restless for some reason. "Sensei!"

Then she felt someone small and warm bumping against her back clumsily and she breathed in relief, until she saw it was just Hakase, who had followed her while everyone was too busy. "Oh, it's you. Do you have any idea where Sensei went?"

Satomi shook her head. "I was following you because I thought you'd have a better chance of finding him. He always listens more to you than me, so if he's going to listen to anyone's calls, that'd be yours..."

Chisame, exasperated, rubbed her temples. "Oh, that kid's going to be the death of me. Running away when things get rough, like always. Like that time at the woods... or when he learned my..."

The day he learned her secret, and she had ran him out so harshly. And then she learned his secret in turn. It seemed so long ago now...

Sometimes, the memories made it all much more painful now. The memories of all those weeks spent together, both in the good and the ill, made her mad about how much he had messed her life up, but also spurred her to find him before he did another stupid thing.

"We need to find him. We have to. In this state, there's no way of knowing what idiocy he could be up to," she said, not realizing how nerve wracked she was sounding; Satomi did, but she only nodded in understanding. "Damn him, why does he do this to us? Doesn't he care enough to even say 'I'm off to brood, don't expect me for dinner...'?-!"

"You're looking for your teacher?" a calmed, spaced out young male voice asked them. Chisame and Hakase turned their heads to look at a pale older student, with a black bowl cut and an inexpressive face, standing there eating from a small bowl of curry.

"Yes!" Chisame said. "I mean... yes, we are," she tried to sound less excited. "Have you seen him, ahh...?"

"Karasuma Oji," he said, very calmly. Way too calmly, as a matter of fact. "I was hungry after checking my grades, so I went out to buy something outside. Then I saw him. He went running that way. Oh, and he was crying..."

Hakase looked in the direction he was pointing at. "The dorms are that way."

"And then the train station," Chisame added. "Hakase! Quick! Bring your speedster gizmo here, and before Tsunetsuki finds me!"

Back at the crowd, which was growing more and more agitated at each new detail of Asakura's story, Matoi tried to push her way out, calling for the love of her last few weeks. "Chisame-sama! Chisame-sama! Where art thou, Chisame-sama!-?-!"

"Wow. Sensei's mentioning Romeo and Juliet was good for you, wasn't it, Matoi-san?" Kafuka said cheerfully.

As Karasuma saw Hasegawa and Hakase zooming into the distance in the latter's tiny vehicle, he gave the tiniest sigh, shook his head, and walked back into the hall finishing his bowl of curry, and rejoining the others.

Damn, it was some fine as heck curry. Now, if he could just keep away from his energetic cousin Rock Lee…

* * *

 

**Act Seventeen:**

"You're being stupid, Bro! Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Chamo shouted angrily as he poked his head out of Negi's backpack, only to be pushed back inside. "Shutting me up won't change it! You can't just give up and run away like this! What would your father say?"

"Father would be ashamed of me anyway," the young mage sulked, sniffing more tears. "There's nothing I can do about it. I failed. And there are no ways around it."

He finally had arrived at the Mahora Train Station, clutching the backpack tighter around his shoulders. He remembered his arrival there, so full of hopes and dreams which now were shattered beyond repair. His chest ached, and he felt feverish. He couldn't help but keep on crying in silence, keeping his face low and hidden from the crowd's eyes. Eventually making his way to a ticket stand, he rubbed his eyes dry before looking up at the attendant.

"Excuse me," he asked. "I want a ticket to the Tokyo International Airport".

The lanky, pimple faced, foreign looking young man, barely more than a teen, at the counter looked down at him dismissively over his _Loli-looking Teen Idols in slightly Transparent White Bikinis_ magazine. He spoke in an American accent, his eyes half closed in disinterest.

"Yeah, sure. Where are your parents, kid?"

He showed him his documents. "I have a permission to travel alone."

The older boy didn't even look at them. "Whatever. It'll be five fifty."

As Negi sat down at a nearby bench to wait for the train, he heard a calm male voice coming from his left. "I take it you failed your test, then?"

Negi blinked in surprise to look at Itoshiki Nozomu, sitting right next to him. For some reason, his being there seemed fitting for such a depressing moment, but even so...

"Itoshiki-sensei! Wha-What are you doing here?"

The man shrugged. "I just had a feeling this could happen, so I came to share your pain and toss myself at the train in my despair over being unable to help you."

For a moment, they both sat in silence.

"Do you want to borrow my catchphrase?" Nozomu offered. "Don't tell anyone, but I find it helps."

Negi didn't smile. "No thank you, I don't think so."

Silence again. Chamo got bored of the mood and wandered off to have a smoke.

"I truly wish I could have helped you," Nozomu said, sounding sincere.

"There's nothing you could have done," Negi replied, just as depressed. "It was all my fault. You were right in placing so little faith on me."

Nozomu seemed taken aback to some degree. "No... It's not like that. I was almost sure you wouldn't fail, actually. It's just I like having all possibilities covered. And besides, even if you hadn't failed, I still have many reasons to jump in front of that train..."

"Don't say that! At least you will continue teaching here in Mahora..."

"PRECISELY!"

Negi frowned. "Don't even joke about that. Your students love you very much. They were sad because you weren't there with them."

An eyebrow rose. "They were?"

Negi nodded. "Yes. I envy you. You will get another chance to continue here. I... I wouldn't want to leave, really. I'll miss Chisame-san, Hakase-san, Iincho-san, and everyone else. Even Eva-san. I'll miss you too..."

Itoshiki paused, seeming genuinely moved, watching the tears slowly dripping down his face. "I'm going to miss you as well," he gently placed a hand on his back.

"But I can't... I can't ever look at the girls' faces again. Not after I failed them, and everyone else..."

"Negi-kun," Nozomu stated with sternly. "Get used to this. Through your life, like all adults, you'll suffer through many traumatic losses. You'll be dealt setbacks galore. It happens to every last one of us. But listen, and look at me when I'm telling you this..."

"Y-yes, sir!" he looked up apologetically.

"No matter what happens, no matter whatever you do, you'll never be as much of a loser as I am."

Negi's expression twitched the slightest bit. "That's... Well, I'm sure you mean your best trying to reassure me with that, but... You're much more of a success than I. You have your own home. Your own place in life. You have found a role in the magical community. And... you'll keep on seeing your students..."

"You really do care about yours, don't you?"

"You should care about yours too. You never know what you have until you lose it."

A pause. "I... It's not like I hate them. I guess, to some degree, I keep them at arm's length to avoid hurting them with my failures. That being said..." he lightly knocked his knuckles on Negi's head, " _ **I**_ would never go as far as to Pactio with them!"

Elsewhere up, up above, Skuld smiled knowingly. Being the goddess of the future had its perks when appreciating the ironic humor of life down below.

The irony of _this_ statement would later come back to not just kick her in the ass but push her over, pull her hair, and laugh at her.

Negi had to laugh weakly. "Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have done that..."

Nozomu shrugged again. "Forget it. I know the circumstances as well as you do."

"Sensei..."

"Yes?"

"Please don't kill yourself. I want you looking after my students after I'm gone. I know it's a selfish wish, and you have your own students, but... please..."

Again, Itoshiki seemed impressed, patting Negi's head when he started sobbing anew. "Very well. I hope you appreciate the effort it takes me to do this. But as long as they're here, I'll look after them too. Except Evangeline-san! I'm not going to delay my release for all eternity!"

"Thanks. I really mean it," he blew his nose up. "But please never tell them you found me here... crying like a useless child..."

"Negi-sensei," the bony hands rested on his shoulders once more. "I know what you're thinking. You're comparing yourself to your father's legacy. Thinking you can't live up to it. But for what it matters, in my opinion, you already have surpassed him on a level."

Negi jerked, shocked. "You... You knew my father?-!"

"Yes. I'm sorry I never told you. I thought it was better that way. We don't have the time to talk about it now, but I'll write to you about it later. Suffice to say for now, I... I..." he struggled with the words, "... admired him. I wanted to follow in his footsteps. To be one of his comrades. But it could never be. Your father was a man of many talents, but he never really learned to recognize the pains of life, to let others cry. In that way, he was more of a child than you. He always thought you could shake everything off and keep on ahead as if nothing had happened. He lacked the empathy needed to know when others just needed a shoulder to lean on and cry."

Then he offered Negi an arm, gesturing for him to rest against him.

"And I can say you need one now."

Negi looked up at him with huge tearful eyes and sank his face against his body, breaking into tears while Itoshiki sighed stoically. He cried and cried until he couldn't do it anymore, and only then lifted his head back up, rubbing his nose. "Thanks... I really needed that..."

Then he noticed something. "Itoshiki-sensei? Why are your cheeks red?"

Nozomu only sputtered, looking aside with discomfort. "Confound it, in that regard, you are just like him! In your own ways, you both have this strange effect on everyone!"

"Huh?" he hadn't understood a single word, but then another sound distracted his attention.

"NEGI-SENSEI!" two young voices called for him, as Hakase's speedster screeched to an abrupt halt at the other end of the station.

Negi gulped aloud, disarmed and paralyzed.

Chisame and Satomi had just jumped off the vehicle, running towards him.

* * *

 

**Act Eighteen:**

"That's... That's terrible..." Suzushiro Haruka spoke slowly after Asakura was done with her story. "What kind of forceful, incriminatory evaluation method is that? And for a child, no less! Why, if they applied that to all classes who had their idiots failing, Yukari-sensei wouldn't only be fired, but deported out of the country as well!"

"HEY!" Kagura, Tomo and Yukari yelled all at once.

"The correct word is 'discriminatory', Haruka-chan..." her faithful Yukino commented.

"Where IS Negi-sensei now, by the way?" Kaede asked as she finally managed to dislodge Ayaka's hands from a coughing Asuna's throat.

"That's right!" Yuuna blinked. "I haven't seen him since they announced the grades! Have you seen him, Akira?"

"No."

"And you, Ako?"

"Me neither!"

"Natsumi-chan?"

"Not me!"

"Chizuru?"

"Why should I keep an eye on a boy, much less an underdeveloped one?"

"Not you! OUR Chizuru!"

"Ara ara, I'm afraid not..."

"Kitsu-sempai?"

"Why should I know?-!" Chiri protested. "He isn't MY teacher!"

"Satomi-chan isn't around either!" Sakurako searched for her maybe-kinda-sorta-girlfriend.

"Neither is Chisame-sama!" Matoi had started to breathe in and out of a brown paper bag. "Help me! I'm feeling faint! Looking at her photo won't help anymore!"

The expressionless boy at the back of the crowd spoke quietly, "Oh, them? Negi-sensei went out crying a while ago. Then your two classmates went after him. They said something about the train station..."

"W-WHAT?-!-?" Ayaka's face went white enough to scare a ghost. Literally. The invisible to nearly everyone nearby Sayo shrieked, until Misora calmed her down with a discreet gesture.

"Crap, he's fast!" Haruna bit her lower lip. "We gotta stop him right! Before he does anything he... or we... will regret!"

"His poor heart must be broken!" Ako said.

"Maybe he just went to cry himself to sleep under a tree..." Shiho mumbled.

"I concur with Saotome. We must find him immediately," Mana said grimly.

"As I was saying, we'd better go for him before he's out of the country," Shiho hastily added.

Ayaka already was running out of the building, followed by several classmates, pocketing her cellphone. "Luckily, I had the foresight to tell Leigharch-san to stay close in case we needed him again!" she said as the jeep came almost crashing into the scene, nearly running over two whole classes, a passing by cat and Boo-sensei, who scattered away with an almost chicken-like scream.

While the cat hopped into Chachamaru's open arms, Leigharch peeked out of the car, once more high as a kite. "Heyyyy, Lady Boss! I got your call! Something about a Martian Prince on the run?"

"Actually, it's our teacher," Ayaka told him.

"Aren't there enough teachers in this Hogwarts place?" he pushed a finger into an ear and scratched. "Meh, whatever. As long as I get paid... So, how's your Colombian maid doin'? Still refusing to give me her contacts?"

Ayaka huffed as she hopped into the seat next to him and fastened her safety belt. "Not all Colombians are drug dealers, Leigharch-san! And Roberta-san would NEVER deal with such people!" Then she looked at her classmates. "Well, what are you waiting for? Come in right now!"

The Baka Rangers, still terrified of him, backed away as a single woman.

"I'm not getting into that death trap on wheels ever again!" Asuna protested.

"I'd prefer to fight Orochimaru while blind, stabbed and poisoned!" Kaede claimed.

Makie had crouched down sucking her thumb. "He's the devil...! The devil in his chariot of hell!"

"Whooo, playmates!" the driver leered at them. "There are exactly one hundred playmates! Starting from the nineties! It's the attack of the Playmate Army!"

"Alright!" Haruna hopped in, dragging the yelping Nodoka and Yue along with her. "Another ride! You're gonna have a blast, Nodo-chan! Isn't that true, Yue?"

Baka Black whimpered softly. "Grandpa... Soon we'll be reunited..."

"Don't worry," Zazie whispered while slinking next to her. "You won't die yet."

"CRAP, you're talking! That's a sure omen of doom!" Baka Black grieved.

Finally (Naba) Chizuru squeezed herself and Natsumi in as well. "We're ready to go, Ayaka."

Natsumi noticed Yue's frantic praying and the other Baka Rangers waving goodbye tissues at them tearfully and whimpered helplessly.

"ROCK 'N ROLL!" Leigharch cackled madly, Haruna following his cue as the car speeded away like a bat out of Hell. "OH SWEET MARTIAN PRINCE, HERE WE COME! Suck it, A-Team!"

"HE ISN'T A MARTIAN!" Ayaka yelled, apparently indifferent to the fact the world around her zoomed faster than was legally safe in any country of the world up to and including Germany and Antractica.

Nyamo-sensei stared at the quickly racing vehicle. "I'm pretty sure we should've done something about that."

Left behind, Matoi trembled violently. "A CAR! A CAR! MY KINGDOM FOR A CAR! ! MUST REACH CHISAME-SAMA!"

Yukari-sensei sighed, pulling her car keys out. "Why am I such a nice person? Okay, everyone willing to come with me just say so!"

"I'M THERE!" Matoi latched on her.

"Me too!" Sakurako joined in.

"And me!" Misa cried.

"Me! Me!" Misora agreed.

Yukari's students weighed in. "You're gonna regret it!" Tomo said.

"If you survive," Kagura added.

"Which is unlikely," Yomi piped in. "Although I guess Shiina-san has a chance..."

Yukari grumbled, taking the wheel as the brave girls stuffed themselves in the beaten up 'Yukarimobile'. "Next year will be hell for you traitors, I swear." Then she grinned madly, pushing a foot into the accelerator. "ATOMIC BATTERIES TO POWER! TUUUURBINES TO SPEED!"

Fire exploded out of her exhaust pipe as Misa, Sakurako, Misora and Matoi all shrieked, the car nearly blasting off down the road.

A motorcycle stopped next to Chao, its driver gesturing for her to jump behind her. "Are you gonna go there or not?"

Lingshen smiled, hopping behind the older girl with the biker helmet and hugging her midsection. "Why not? Thanks for the ride, Natsuki-chan!"

Kuga Natsuki grumbled as they sped away as well. "Just doing my job."

Nyamo-sensei kept on watching as everyone seemed to join the chase. Kimura-sensei had been too eager to offer his car for any girls willing to go, but ended up having to share it with Hirano Kouta, Tate Yuuichi, Fujisawa-sensei and Aoki-sensei.

Even that violent punk loner from Class 1-C, Harima Kenji, had gone in his bike as well, and was racing Kimura Kaede's own motorcycle as they tried to surpass each other and their rival Natsuki. All over the place, her own oh-so-responsible fellow teachers were joining the madcap chase, as their students only seemed to need a minimum of pleading to convince them to let them use their cars, not to mention their services as drivers. She had the feeling she was watching the start of a Wacky Races episode as they went one by one.

Then there was Evangeline-san...

"Chachamaru!" the tiny blonde clapped haughtily.

"Of course, Master," the green haired girl picked her up in her arms. Then her feet made like rockets, propelling them up into the air, and in a few moments they were surpassing all cars but Leigharch's tenaciously quick machine.

Nyamo wondered if they still needed teachers at Ohtori Academy. Hell, even Gotham or Raccoon City would be nice…

A peace of sorts returned to the place as the dust settled down and Nyamo was left alone with the only other relatively sane teacher on the staff. She tilted her head aside to look at him. "So... see you tomorrow then, Boo-sensei."

"BUKAWWWK! BUKAWK, BWAAAK, BWAAAK!"

"Yes, you took the words right out of my mouth…"

* * *

 

**Act Nineteen:**

"Chisame-san...! Satomi-san...!" Negi stood aghast, in shame and nervousness, trying to turn around and run away just as Chisame all just jumped on him, hugging him tightly. "No...! Don't look at me! I can't— I shouldn't—!"

Ignoring his pleas, Chisame simply squeezed him tight against herself, keeping him firmly against her for a moment, burying her face in his hair.

Then she let him go and slapped his face. Hard.

"Ch-Chisame-san!" he was stunned, rubbing his aching cheek with a hand. He paused, seeing the angry tears running down her reddened cheeks.

"You moron! Idiot!-!" she spat. "How could you?-! After everything we've gone through, all we'd done for you, you just run away, trying to leave the damn country?-!"

Attracted by the shouting, several curious onlookers had started to gather around. Itoshiki sweatdropped, trying to shoo them away. "Heh heh... Family matter! They get ugly all the time! Nothing to see here, though..."

"I have no choice. I'll have to leave for Wales in any case," Negi pouted. "I wanted to save you the pain of seeing me in shame, disgraced before my colleagues and pupils..."

"But there must be an alternative," Hakase argued. "Something can be worked out..."

"The will of my superiors is final," the boy argued. "Sorry. I'm so sorry. I... I'd never want to leave your side. These past months have been the happiest of my life, seriously. I had a place to belong to... a duty I was happy with... and above it all, your... friendship. But it couldn't be. I'm just not cut for it."

"Don't say that!" Chisame shook him. "Didn't you want to be treated as a man instead of a child? Then be a man! Go back there, tell the Dean you want to stay, and argue your case! We'll be right behind you!"

"Even if all in the school opposed it, it can't be discussed..." he insisted.

"What kind of barbaric system is that?" Hakase fumed. "It's unfair! Your success rate can't be qualified like that! Those conditions are extremely unfair! Let's file a complaint!"

Negi was horrified. "That can't be done!"

"Why not?" Chisame said.

Negi scowled, pulled Chamo out of the backpack, dug frantically for a moment until he saw the ermine hopping over, still trailing some cigarette smoke, pointed to him, then at himself. Chamo waved a paw up to the girls before Negi put him back in the backpack.

The onlookers were getting more curious. "Are you their father?" one of them asked Nozomu.

The older teacher sighed. "No. That's the only misfortune I don't have."

"Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye," Negi was apologizing. "But I left you a note in the living ro-"

Chisame slapped him again. "A NOTE WRITTEN IN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES WILL NEVER SUFFICE AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER! HOW INSENSITIVE CAN YOU GET?-!"

A man looked at Itoshiki. "Are you sure they're siblings?"

"She sounds more like a scorned girlfriend," a girl said while chewing bubblegum.

Nozomu popped a few pills into his mouth. "Just enough to fight the headache... Promised not to suicide... Promised not to suicide...!"

"And what did you expect me to do?-!" Negi argued. "To stand there while everyone felt sorry about me and waved goodbye forever? To see the tears I caused on Iincho-san's face? On—"

"You already made me cry!" She broke into furious sobs, pulling his head up forcefully. "Look at me! I'd have been crying even more if you had left before I could reach you, you... idiot! But you wouldn't care, would you? All you cared about was about not seeing our pain! Not about our pain itself!"

He babbled in wide eyed terror. "It's... It's not like that! But it'll be much worse if I stay here and say goodbye!"

"No, it won't!" she hugged him again. "Because at least we'll know you care! Think of our children! What would I have told them when they asked me about you?"

A loud terrified gulp ran through the crowd.

"It's... their mice!" Itoshiki said. "That's all those 'children' are!"

"If they're siblings, no wonder they came out looking like mice!" a woman said, scandalized.

"Their Pacti—I mean, pet mice!" Itoshiki yelled. "You know how kids can get!"

Negi then felt Hakase hugging him from the other side, pressing herself against his back. "Please don't leave," she whispered into his ear, and he felt tears dropping down on his neck's skin. "I... I don't want you to leave. You and Chisame are the only ones who... understand."

"I can't," he sobbed as well. "Don't you see it? I'd like nothing better than to stay by your side, but... I must leave. They'll force me if I don't."

"Then..." Chisame breathed deeply. She knew she shouldn't be saying that. She knew it all too well. And yet, she had to. She couldn't help but do it. The words were already forming themselves in her mouth, rolling off her tongue. And she didn't want to resist them. "Let me go with you."

The crowd all became ice statues for a moment.

Itoshiki's eyes became deep black twin abysses, then popped out like confetti spirals, then forcefully pushed themselves back into his skull.

Negi lifted his head back up. "W... What?"

"You damn idiot!" she feverishly kissed his forehead, time and time again. "Just look at what you're making me say... in public, no less...!" She breathed in and out, feeling dizzy, out of her mind. It all had finally caught up to her. "And yet... I don't want to live the way I used to. I don't want to lose you, damn it! Satisfied? There! I said it! Yeah, I'm an idiot, and I must be crazy, too, because I don't want to go back to living without your presence bothering me all the time! I'm stupid like that! Just... just..." she buried her face into his shoulder and cried, "Please, take me wherever you go..."

Chamo had peeked out of the backpack, crying manly streams that overflowed around him. Itoshiki was downing more pills.

"But..." Negi began, "That's... That's abs— Impossible. You... You have y-your own life here. Family..."

"My parents have never cared," she bitterly said. "They'll let me go anywhere as long as I don't bother them. And Sora... she'll understand..."

"I-I..." Hakase's lower lip trembled, "I want to go too!"

"Eep?" Negi eeped out.

"Ah?" Chisame repeated.

Itoshiki took another mental note of never getting that close to his own students, at all. He had given up on his crowd control activity, just letting their chatter behind him to become static white noise in his ears.

Hakase closed her eyes and rubbed them off clumsily. "C-Chachamaru will be in good hands with Chao and Eva-san! She doesn't need me anymore! And my parents don't care either! They never have!"

"But..." Hasegawa said, stunned, "What about Shiina?"

She lowered her head, sniffling. "I'll miss her. A lot. She was the first one to ever express a desire for…me. But... even if y— I mean, even if those I really love the most haven't told me so that way, I can tell yo— they return my feelings. To some degree. Chisame, Sensei, before I met you, I never thought of anyone but myself, and what I wanted to get. Through my research, through everything. Wait, no, there wasn't anything but the research. And the glory to be had out of it. Even when I crushed on Kazuya-sempai, I never felt this way. Like I do... with you too..."

"They must be filming something. No way this can be for real," a man commented.

"Oh yeah!" another in the crowd said. "That's what this is. Explains why they have the ugly Chiu-sama impersonator…."

"I hope they're getting my good side," the man's wife worried.

"You..." Negi began.

"... mean..." Chisame continued, shaken by icy uncertainty.

Satomi's small frame only hugged them even tighter. "I love you two."

It was one of those typical moments where time stood frozen for a moment.

Literally, since Skuld had just paused and gone to the fridge for another gallon of ice cream. The show was just getting too good, like one of Peorth's trashy romance novels she stole whenever she had a chance...

Once the goddess went back to her seat, everything started again.

"Satomi-san...!" Negi wheezed.

"Hakase...!" Chisame echoed weakly.

"I'm sorry. But this is the way I feel," she looked miserable. "I know I'll be hurting Sakurako, but I can't deny it to myself, and I shouldn't deceive her about it either. I love her a lot, but... there's no one I love more than you."

Itoshiki scratched his chin. "Again, you've known each other for how long exactly?"

He remained unheard as the three of them, simply too shaken to continue protesting against each other's claims, nearly collapsed on each other instead, supporting themselves with their tired, now silently crying bodies, sharing a despair-filled, nervous three way hug.

Then, a loud screeching of tires, as there was a commotion at the other side of the station.

A jeep had just arrived, nearly running over several tourists, and a blond man smoking a cigarette poked his head out of it, grinning like a loon. The loud yell with an Irish accent filled the air.

"YO! WE MADE IT TO SHANGRI-LA!"

* * *

 

**Act Twenty:**

"NEGI-SENSEI!" Ayaka pushed Leigharch aside and jumped off the vehicle in a way that would have made Asuna envious, sprinting towards them with open arms. As she did, she registered the strange closeness between the three of them, but her main concern right now was him leaving her forever. "NEGI-SENSEI! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US!"

The driver snorted groggily. "Hold on, I have a call from the President..." he pulled his cellphone out despite the fact it was not even working, and held it to his hear listening to an imaginary call. "What? My application for the Black Panthers was denied _again_?-!-?"

Like a deer caught in the headlights, Negi reacted on pure primal instinct, not thinking of what he did. Panicking, he turned around, grabbed Chisame by a hand, Hakase by the other, and ran away while dragging the shocked girls behind him. As they zoomed past Itoshiki, closely followed by a happily skipping Chamo, the man blinked in complete disbelief, then mused in a defenseless tone, "... When did I become the normal one?"

"Sensei!" the normally proud, mighty Yukihiro Ayaka threw herself through the air, tackling Negi's back and grabbing onto him for dear life, making him to lose his balance and fall flat on his face, dragging the girls down with himself. Chamo couldn't or didn't want to stop in time, rushing ahead and stumbling with his nose poking into Ayaka's butt. An annoyed Itoshiki quickly grabbed him by the tail and tossed him a few feet back into the air. "Sensei, please stay! Don't be so cruel to us!" the heiress cried, latching on him and pinning him down under her weight.

Haruna was getting out of the jeep, laughing in relief. "Wow, we made it on time after all! What did I tell you, Nodo-chan? This man is an ace of the road!"

"Dah. Dah, dah, dah. Dah," Nodoka's face twitched at random intervals, as her back rested against a pale and shaken but still apparently functional Yue.

Natsumi stumbled out next, grabbing her stomach. "I shouldn't have breathed his cigarette smoke... I'm feeling ill... and I'm seeing strange things all around us..."

"Ponies! Ponies everywhere!" Chizuru pranced around, with a starry-eyed vacant spark in her eyes.

Zazie walked out in perfect calm, juggling a few balls. _All according to plan..._

"Really, I know well I'm not the best person to talk..." Itoshiki said as he helped Negi, Chisame, Hakase, and the sobbing Ayaka to stand up, "... But I think you all should learn to restrain your emotions! _**A lot**_ more!"

Chachamaru landed a few steps away, placing Evangeline safely on the ground. The tiny blonde stormed over to Negi and began shaking himroughly. "BOYA! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA, DENYING ME MY RELEASE?-!"

"... Your 'release'?" Ayaka blinked.

"Long story," was all Chachamaru said.

"This will be a really weird movie," another observer commented.

"Man," a hipster nodded. "It's all so David Lynch!"

Yukari-sensei's ruin on wheels came next, barely avoiding a fiery deadly crash, and Misora, Misa and Matoi poured out breathing wildly, trembling in pure undiluted fear.

"I looked Death-chan in the eyes... she was almost cute enough to make me fall for her..." Tsunetsuki babbled right before grabbing onto Chisame. "But now I feel alive again!"

Chisame just landed a jab on her face.

_Death shook her head, smiling happily. "Kids…"_

Sakurako, not looking really any worse for wear, made her way to Hakase, giving her a big hug. "Congrats, Satomi-chan! You made it in time!" She hugged Negi as well, pulling him from Eva's terrifying extremes cheek pulling. "Bad Negi-kun! You had us sick worried for a moment!"

"Sakurako... We need to talk..." Satomi began, her voice trailing off as Shiina hugged her again. Why was it so hard to rebuke her when those breasts were pressed against her?

The train station was starting to get crowded with new arrivals, most of them very young, spilling out from car after car, and a few bikes as well. Most of them quickly gravitating around the boy with glasses and his weird girl companions, much to everyone else's puzzlement. "Hey, y'all gonna buy tickets for the next train, or what...?" the pimple faced attendant was asking, but no one paid him an iota of attention.

2-A, naturally, was taking the lead on, mobbing Negi from all sides.

"We're so sorry! It's all our fault!" Makie lamented.

"I'll tell Grandpa to give you another chance!" Konoka offered.

"Sue them!" Kimura Kaere peeked over their heads. "I can get you the best lawyers in all Japan!"

"I doubt any of that will work..." the young teacher said, shrinking back from them.

"I see," Ayaka's expression grew grim. "Then there's nothing else to do!" She gestured towards four other female students. "Daidouji-san! Tenjouin-san! Fujino-san! Sawachika-san! As the five wealthiest students at this Academy, it's our duty to use our resources to help those in dire need of justice! So I propose... FOR US TO JOIN FORCES IN AN INVESTMENT TO BUY MAHORA ACADEMY OUT!"

The golden haired, golden eyed Sawachika Eri twitched. "... Say what?"

The brown haired School Council President Fujino Shizuru put a hand on her right cheek. "Oh dear, that's quite a sudden proposal." She looked at her best friend. "What do you suggest, Natsuki-chan?"

Kuga grimaced a few times. "Shizuru, I don't know the first thing about finances!"

The small, dark haired Daidouji Tomoyo smiled placidly. "I'm willing to hear more about this...!" Lovely images of her Sakura-chan in a specially redesigned Mahora uniform began dancing in her head...

"What am I doing here to begin with?" the blond, princess-curled Tenjouin Saki wondered in jaded disbelief.

"I'm sorry," another voice spoke. "But Mahora Academy is not for sale."

Everyone turned in shock at the source of the words. The frail looking old man walked _veeeery_ slowly towards them, imposing an abrupt silence with his mere presence.

But as he passed by next to him, the pimple faced American asked, "Hey, Gramps, you buying a ticket?"

Konoemon gently bopped his baton on his head and continued walking without missing a beat, stopping before a paralyzed Negi, Chisame, Satomi and Ayaka. "Ho-hum. First of all, I must say I'm sorry. It seems I didn't turn the tests I was grading on time, and so, they ran the results of last term's test by mistake. Here I have the actual grades of today's 2-A latecomers."

"What the heck?" Asuna blurted.

"There still hope-aru?" Ku Fei asked.

The Dean shrugged. "It might be... Hakase Satomi, you still have a 100 score. No surprises there. Saotome Haruna, 83. Well done, child. Your parents will be proud."

He then looked at Chachamaru. "Karakuri Chachamaru, you have undergone a surprise recovery in your scores. 93."

Everyone else did a shocked double-take as Chachamaru bowed at him, whispering thanks, and Chao and Hakase smiled smugly. "H-How did you...?" Evangeline started.

"We upgraded her cultural and literary data banks two weeks ago, naturally!" Chao grinned. "Well, we allocated more space to it."

Chisame scowled. "Doesn't that count as cheating?"

"There was nothing in the rulebook against it..." Satomi feigned innocence.

"Ayase Yue, 65 points," Konoemon continued. "You only need to show more diligence in your studies, Ayase-kun."

Yue looked aside. "... I'll think about it."

"Sasaki Makie, 66 points," the Headmaster went on.

"NO WAY!" the gymnast gasped, her face lit up suddenly. "66? I did better than Yue-chan?-!"

"It's only one point..." Yue muttered.

"Next, Ku Fei with 67 points, and Nagase Kaede with 63. You obviously have tried much harder this time, even if there's still room to improve..."

"I'll do for sure next term-aru!" Ku promised sincerely.

"Well, life's an eternal trip of self improvement..." Nagase philosophized with a shrug.

"Life isn't eternal, fool," Evangeline grumbled. "Well, not most often," she admitted under her breath.

"By the way, your aunt says you will be doing… 'sparring' tonight," Konoemon said, face completely impassive as to what he thought. "To celebrate your passing."

Kaede brightened. "Oh! Dear auntie. It's been a while…"

Asuna was wide eyed and intimidated as Konoemon looked at her next. She felt Konoka's small warm hand resting on her shoulder comfortingly, but she still felt an ill omen in her heart. "And... me...?"

"Oh. Asuna-chan," the old man shook his head. "I must admit you have disappointed me..."

Everyone went as white as a sheet.

But he only chuckled, holding her test up. "You definitely could have done better than a 70!"

"Oh, Grandpa!" Konoka breathed in relief, hitting his oddly shaped head with a miniature mallet. "You're TERRIBLE!"

"Seventy!" Asuna squealed in glee. "No way! A seventy!"

"Congratulations, Asuna-chan!" Konoka giggled. "I knew you could do it!"

A tall figure approached her, smiling warmly and clapping with tenderness. "Indeed. I'm very proud of you, Asuna-chan."

"Takahata-sensei..." she felt herself melting under his gaze, and then lifted a fist up. "All right! This is the best day of my life!"

Konoemon rasped loudly for attention, imposing silence again over the wild cheers. "Ahem! So, keeping those changes in mind, I feel it's also noteworthy to point out... Middle School Class 2-A has become the top ranking class of the whole Academy for this term!"

"We...?" Natsumi blinked and blinked.

"We did it!" Ako gushed.

"PONY PARTY!" (Naba) Chizuru twirled around, still flying on Leigharch's fumes.

"I won my bet!" Sakurako's eyes shone gleefully.

"Congrats, Sensei!" Madoka patted Negi's right shoulder. "It was all thanks to you!"

"Me?" he asked. "Oh, no! The effort was all yours!"

"You gave us the motivation. And no little effort of yours either," Satsuki told him.

"My most honest thanks, Sensei," Yue shook his hand. "I couldn't have done it without you." Then, casually, she pulled his sleeve a bit up, looking at his wrist. "By the way, I'm also glad to see you already lost those tattoos."

He laughed awkwardly. "Yes, um... I just rubbed them with a lot of water..."

"Hmmmm..." she nodded thoughtfully and walked away back to Nodoka's side; Miyazaki was breathing better now, saluting Negi with a stiff nod and a shy smile. Negi smiled back before tugging on the Dean's sleeve.

"Konoemon-sensei..."

"Yes?"

"You have forgotten someone," he told him. "Chisame-san."

Hasegawa blinked. "Oh. That's right. But it's okay. I couldn't possibly have..."

"I'm sorry to neglect you, Hasegawa-kun," the old man apologized. "My memory isn't what it used to be. Regardless, you have my congratulations as well." He showed her an 84. "I could feel the effort and love you put into it."

"Lo... ve...?" she blushed, her glasses fogging up. "That... That is..."

She jolted up sensing someone touching her right arm. It was Negi, smiling up at her in that cozy, dumb way of his.

"Thank you, Chisame-san. For everything. I swear I won't let you down again."

"You..." she babbled. "You haven't..."

But then she only smiled and ruffled his hair. "You'd better keep that in mind, all right brat?-!"

"I will!" he promised.

"CELEBRATION! LET'S TOSS NEGI-KUN UP!" Haruna shouted.

"What?" he gasped. "No, it's not necessary! You don't have to— WAHHH!" he cried as far too many pairs of hands lifted him up and tossed him up in the air.

"GET HIM DOWN RIGHT NOW!" Ayaka and Chisame yelled at once.

"LET'S TOSS IINCHO AND CHI-CHAN AS WELL!" Harumi piped in.

Moments later, three bodies were being flung up and down over and over.

"THIS IS A MUTINY! AS YOUR CLASS REP, I DEMAND FOR THIS TO STOP! AH! MY SKIRT!"

"HARUNA! IF YOU TOUCH ME THERE AGAIN, I SWEAR I'LL—!"

"WHOOPSIE! MY HAND SLIPPED AGAIN!"

"I... I THINK I NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM!"

Chiri watched on, then furtively wiped a single tear from the corner of an eye. "The little animals are so cute when they play..."

Kafuka teased her poking a finger on her cheek. "Oh, Chiri-chan! It's okay to say we're moved by such wonderful displays of May December love!"

"Wh-What?-! What are you implying, Kafuka-san?-!"

Honsho Chizuru stared in wide-eyed happiness, her digital camera quickly filling. "Cute kohai panties!" she cried.

Rukia sighed. "At least it's not me."

Next to her, Sayo was tearing up. "Wah! I wasn't able to help the class pass the exam! I'm so useless!"

Rukia was left having to deal with a disconsolate ghost.

Matoi was also burning through her film, a long line of drool trickling from her mouth. "Chisame-sama's panties…!-!-!"

Standing further away, Fujisawa-sensei hummed while smoking a cigarette. "All those faces... The loving bright way they look up at him..." he said.

Next to him, Tate Yuuichi nodded, hands lazily in his pockets. "That boy's got something that... worries me."

Fujisawa puffed a few times. "The way they all are entranced by him..."

"Yeah, it's kinda creepy. Even Hirano's giggling like a girl."

"I need a beer."

"I wish I were of age for one."

And at the absolute end of the crowd, a tall blond girl sighed. "So that's the little fool we'll have to train... Where's the justice in this world?"

The smaller girl at her side patted her in an arm. "It can't be that bad, Takane-oneesama..."

Up at the bowels of Yggdrasil, Skuld smirked with petty, childish glee.

How little did they all know!

* * *

 

**Epilogue One- Batman.**

Gotham City, USA.

Deep under Stately Wayne Manor lay a huge cavern. A deep, dark, secret lair. The old gentleman in a formal suit walked down the stairs and into it, each step dignified, serene. You can just tell you don't want to mess with him.

Master Dick used to call it the Batcave. A childish name, fitting for a child forced to grow up before his time. Master Bruce only called it 'the cave'. Alfred called it Master Bruce's personal hell, but never to his face.

"Sir?" he called out. "Your breakfast is ready. I understand your recent need to enjoy yourself after Mr. Dent's recent capture, but a celebration is always best spent with a full stomach."

The tall man sitting at the other end of the cave said nothing. Fully clad in his black combat suit, only his mask and cape rested at his side. His sharp blue eyes were fixed on the giant screens before him.

The older man sighed. "Forgive me. I had forgotten you were in company of friends."

Bruce Wayne's fingers tapped over the rest arm of his chair, his eyes still nailed on the two profiles displayed before him. "It never stops, Alfred. Two-Face may be back at Arkham… again... _but they aren't_."

"Cannot live with them, cannot live without knowing where are they," the butler mused.

"It's not like them at all. They haven't been seen or heard from ever since the attacks on derelicts on Christmas Eve, in Crane's side, and since the massacre at the Aparo Private Airport, in Joker's. It doesn't add up. They can't have vanished for so long. Their manias just won't let them do that."

"Well, maybe your buffoonish nemesis finally made a parody he couldn't escape during mid-flight. An Amelia Earthart," Alfred Pennyworth offered dryly. "And Doctor Crane _has_ been known to disappear sometimes. May I remind you of the time he infiltrated a university campus and disappeared for several months under the guise of a chemistry professor before he kidnapped that football player to exact his version of justice for his mistreatement of that young lady?"

"I couldn't be that fortunate," his master replied, voice brimming with bitterness and trying not to think about that instance when the Scarecrow had acted like a decent human being, in his own twisted way. "Believe me, I wish it happened... But if I know him right, the only thing that could be holding Joker back for so long is he's preparing a punchline. A really nasty one. It's always that way. The longer he's gone, the bigger his comeback joke has to be. But I have no clue where to look for him. All my searches have led to dead ends. The only thing I can say for sure right now is, dead or alive..."

He stood up and turned around, walking back for the stairs without ever looking back.

"... The Joker is in the company of **demons**."

* * *

 

**Epilogue Two- Joker and Quartum.**

Istanbul. Not Constantinople.

The armies of the League of Assassins stood firm and ready, even when knowing they would stand no chance if the boy's reprogramming had failed. Still, they blindly trusted their lord and master, and would sacrifice their lives for him without a second thought. Without even a first, for that matter. Say what you will about the League, they grew the sort of mindlessly obedient thugs evil overlords could only _dream_ of ruling.

Ra's al'Ghul, the majestic leader of the League, strode ahead fearlessly, with slow, dignified aplomb, as his specialists opened the containment unit and the pale, thin, nude figure stumbled out of it, falling on his hands and knees, clear liquid running down all over him, spilling itself around him. For a moment the both of them, everyone at the chamber, stood completely motionless and silent.

Even Joker stopped sucking on his lollipop, mildly intrigued.

Then the immortal warlord extended a hand full of golden rings to the boy. After a brief moment of hesitation, the being extended a hand of his own, took Ra's, and humbly placed a devoted kiss on it.

Talia, Ubu, the Joker's three stooges, and pretty much every man at Ra's personal guard breathed far easier then.

But Joker only chuckled.

"Heh heh."

The allegedly immortal mastermind cast an inquiring, contemptuous gaze towards him. But the clown simply kept on laughing, louder and louder.

"Hee hee! Hee! Snort! Haw! Ha, ha, ha ha... Hah!"

The boy's face curved itself up very slowly in a similar, disturbed grin. "Hee hee heeeh..."

"Hyah!" Joker kept his crescendo despite Talia's warning glares. "Hya ha ha! AHH HA HA HAA- AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!"

"AHHH, HA HA HA HA HA HAH HAH!" The being joined him in full force, throwing his head back, their conjoined laughter echoing over the sands.

Talia had never heard anything more hideous.

* * *

 

**Epilogue Three- Rin and Vigilante.**

The three of them stood watching the distant horizon, on the rooftop of the Tohsakas' private campus residence. The long purple cape of the Servant flapped in the cold night breeze as his Master kept her arms crossed, and her younger sister humbly waited behind them, turning her eyes at them with muted concern.

"Your city..." Vigilante finally mused, narrowing his icy blue eyes.

"It's huge, isn't it?" Rin asked with a proud half smile.

"Actually, it's very small and dingy compared to mine..." he said.

His Master's right fist buried itself on the top of his head. Again. "This city is the stage for the coming battle for the fate of the world. Better get used to that idea!"

"Onee-sama, it's been a while since you summoned Vigilante-san, and yet no one else has shown up with any other Servants," Sakura mused. "Don't you think, maybe, this War won't happen this time?"

"We shouldn't be thinking that, Sakura," her sister humphed. "It's only fooling yourself, in any case. It doesn't work that way. Even if no one summons them, the Servants will still come, drawn to people with the power to be masters who are similar to themselves. You can be sure, at this very same moment, some fiend out there is plotting our doom by getting the Grail for themselves. Wishful thinking won't change that. The only thing we can do is prepare ourselves for their immanent challenge."

"Is standing here in the cold at midnight talking ominously part of those preparations?" Sakura asked in a perfectly innocent tone.

"Of course it is. It's called psychological pre-conditioning!" Vigilante puffed his chest proudly.

"Yes," Rin nodded sagely. "It... puts our spirits in perfect communion with each other, and gets us into the perfect mental state for battle." She sneezed, although, for once, no one anywhere was saying anything about her.

"It also makes you catch cold," Sakura sighed. "Shall I bring you a blanket?"

"Please," Rin nodded.

"Could I have a hot chocolate?" Vigilante asked, having quickly learned which sister it was best to suck up to.

Sakura nodded and walked back into the house, pausing briefly, only long enough to look at both of them standing together looking into the horizon.

"Oneesama..." she whispered, knowing she'd be unheard. "You really need to get laid..."

* * *

 

**Epilogue Four- Shinji and Rider.**

_Father..._ _Mother..._

The dark room at the back of Kotomine Kirei's house had only one occupant at that moment. The thin, black haired boy's heart skipped quickly as he finished chanting the ritual, book firmly in a hand, his other hand dropping blood into the circle drawn under him. The knife rested at his feet, its blade faintly tinted with a scarlet hue.

He thought he had it all figured out by now. And even if it failed and his summoning killed him, then rampaged through the whole world burning it down to nothingness, well, not much would be lost, would it?

No. He couldn't think that way.

He wasn't a bad person, he told himself. He had his reasons for doing that. He wasn't even asking for that much. Just a somewhat better world where he could be with Father and Mother at last. And maybe giant robots. Giant robots were cool. He appreciated Kotomine-san's mentorship and care, but he still yearned for more. A home, a place to call his own. A family to belong to. He deserved it, didn't he?

Didn't he?

Then the circle started glowing. And the panic just made him forget everything in a hearbeat. Oh no, it had worked! It hadn't just flopped! Something _was_ happening. And no doubt a gigantic faceless beast would be emerging to rip him apart with its long sharp claws...

He had always thought he wanted to die, but that moment definitely convinced him otherwise. Maybe making that pact with Itoshiki-sensei had been a bit premature…

"Mustn't run away! Mustn't run away! Mustn't run away!" he repeated, although he really couldn't even move his legs paralyzed as they were. It was more to convince himself he had some bravery left than anything else. _Father, Mother, sorry I couldn't honor your wishes and go study at MahoraAcademy next term as you wanted. Also, I'm sorry about unleashing this monstrous creature upon this unsuspecting world. And I'm sorry I was born, too. Love, Shinji._

_Somewhere, Ai looked up. "Is someone… stealing my schnicht?"_

Then he fell down on his butt as the floor below him cracked and trembled, and a tall, imposing, drop dead gorgeous figure stood before him, silencing him and making him to forget his fears, replaced by a morbid fascination. She was extremely beautiful and shapely, with an hourglass figure nicely shown off by her leathery, skimpy purplish clothing. Her hair was purple as well, long and silky, and her eyes were covered tightly by a blindfold. The air around her smelled of blood.

"Young man..." she spoke with a calm, soft voice that did not lack a dangerous edge,. "Tell me. Are you my Master?"

Then he knew perhaps God didn't hate him. That maybe all his years of loneliness and pain had been worth it just for that glorious moment. His heart felt like it was flying. All the secret studying he had made at his tutor's library had, somehow, paid off against all expectations. For the first time in years, he made an honest smile.

"Yes... Yes, I am. My name's Shinji."

He bowed politely, even if he thought she couldn't see it.

"Ikari Shinji."

* * *

 

**Epilogue Five- Yue.**

"Good night, Yue-Yue," Nodoka yawned cutely, turning their room's lights off. The day had been exhausting from start to finish, from the morning's test to Haruna's nocturnal celebration party. The overwhelming exhaustion was evident in Miyazaki's voice.

"Good night, Nodoka. Have nice dreams," Yue whispered from her own bunk.

"You too," she muttered sleepily, and then she was making the cutest small dreaming sounds almost on the spot. But Yue couldn't sleep. She only could look up, but not really staring at anything at all.

It all made a strange, absurd sort of sense now.

He had tried to cast some sort of spell on the attacking golem. Those arm markings. The same markings that had vanished right before her eyes last night. It hadn't worked then. At first she had thought, like everyone else, it was just a childish whim, but now it all came to her.

Asuna had urged him to use 'magic' while they fell.

Chachamaru had given him his old, arcane looking staff and urged him to 'use it'. But he couldn't. While he had those marks.

And that morning, she had caught him standing near when that strange, unnatural pleasant feeling washed over the classroom. And then he didn't have the marks anymore.

Not to mention all the weird events that had happened since his arrival. The rash of vampire attacks. The curious case of Chisame's unexplainable attraction. The fact that Itoshiki-sensei was actually beginning to resemble a human being!

It defeated all the logical thinking Yue was so fond of. And even so she had fallen on philosophical thinking, which was a lot more elastic. Nothing else made any kind of sense.

"Negi-sensei..." she whispered, deeply pondering what to do or not to do. "You... are some sort of wizard, aren't you?"

…

Then she pulled the book she'd checked out that morning, which she'd hidden under her mattress, and began to read, her face slowly but surely turning red…

* * *

 

**Epilogue Six- Negi, Chisame and Hakase.**

The room was perfectly still and quiet at last as Hakase tumbled out of the bathroom buttoning up her pajama top, missing a few buttons as usual. She kept her gaze low, and she said nothing while settling down on her bunk.

After her early rush of misguided adrenaline, she couldn't look at her roommates' eyes anymore. How could she have been so foolish, blurting all of that out? Truly, emotions were a terrifying thing when they got out of control. They scared her more than anything else now.

As she dwelled into that, uneasily wrapping her blankets around herself, she heard someone calling softly from above. "Hakase. Could you come here a moment?"

She gasped, momentarily feeling an irrational urge to answer "God? Is that you?" before realization set in. Nodding in a stiff fashion and climbing up to the upper bed, she shyly looked at Chisame, who lay on a side with Negi already sleeping at her other side like a log.

Chisame didn't seem angry, but it was difficult to say with her at times.

"Yes, Chisame?" she asked shyly, still not looking at her.

Chisame looked intently at the pilfered underwear drawer, hesitating for a moment before the soft snores coming from inside it eased suspicions her. "You know we need to talk about everything that happened today," she whispered.

"Yes. I guess we do..."

"Right. First of all, I want to know, why? Why me?"

The smaller girl sat on the bed's edge with her back turned on her, feet dangling down rocking back and forth nervously. "Why? That... That is an answer I couldn't give properly even if I still had that book. I just... felt like I had to say that. Because..."

Chisame grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to turn around, their faces almost touching. "Look at me when you're talking to me," she demanded, with a bit of an angry edge to her voice. Her barely controlled breath puffed softly on Satomi's face. "I swear I won't get furious, so don't hold yourself back. I simply want to know."

Her eyes widened, a few hints of wetness coming out. "You... Since I met you... You always have been there for me. Day to day. Helping me with those routine chores 'normal' people can do without any help. Never complaining..."

"What do you mean? I complain all the time!"

"Yes, but... you don't really mean it. Even _I_ can tell. You keep on going, and now it's the same with Sensei. And yet, despite having to look after him as well, you have never forgotten me either. But... but that isn't all. It's not mere gratitude. It's... seeing you care so much, it has made me... to feel..."

She couldn't take it anymore, looking aside again. "Sorry. I know you couldn't, and shouldn't, feel the same way. I-I should ask for a relocation before this ruins our friendship..."

Much to her shock, Chisame grabbed her face between both hands and turned her gaze back again, locking their eyes against each other anew. "No," she said firmly.

"Chisame...?"

She sighed. "I'd never thought Haruna could ever give good advice, but..."

"Huh?"

Chisame seemed reluctant to explain. "She told me... I should be more honest to myself. And she might have been right for once."

Gently, she reached up with a hand and brushed a stray black lock off Hakase's large forehead. She gazed into her huge, black, nearly child-like eyes. Eyes full of practical innocence fighting against the nervous eagerness of her waking womanhood.

"I want to stay with you, too," Hasegawa confessed in a barely audible voice. "I guess I have grown used to you. Tell anyone and I'll kill you, but I... I'm fond of you too. Kinda. Maybe not the same way you are, but..."

She laughed shakily, blushing in a charming way. "Oh, it's okay. Thanks... I'm relieved you don't hate me over this. Truth be told, I said many stupid things in the rush of that moment. M-Maybe I don't really love you _**that**_ way... I mean, more like... a dear sister figure of sorts... like I told you before..."

"Yeah, th-that's gotta be it..."

"Yeah..."

"Because, otherwise, keeping that kind of love while having an innocent child living with us...!" Chisame chuckled shakily. "That'd send us to burn together in Hell!"

Hakase smiled sweetly at her. "It never could be Hell if you were there."

Chisame looked at her again, mouth half open, cheeks pink once more.

Hakase blushed back, unable to take her eyes away from her. "S-Sorry..."

"D-Don't mind. It's the kindest thing anyone's ever told me..."

"Chisame... Do you regret saying all those things at the train station?"

"Wha-What kind of question is that?"

"Because I don't. I know I should, and yet... and yet..."

She leaned ahead, unable to resist herself. Chisame didn't move, although she trembled in place like a terrified bunny. They both sweated profusely, not even realizing they were coming closer and closer, until their lips briefly brushed against each other. It was very soft and extremely short, but it still packed such a punch they both recoiled immediately.

"S-S-S-Sorry!" Hakase bit her tongue. "Oh dear, I really should move away! What kind of person am I turning into? If Sensei or Chamo-san had seen this..."

"N-No, it's... it's okay," Chisame stammered, trying to regain control over her breathing, looking aside as well, asking herself where had her life gone wrong and if she would be kissing Zazie as well before next term's end, the way things were going. She shuddered. "It won't happen again, after all, right?"

"Right. It was only... an accident."

"Oh. Yeah. I thought so."

"Accidents do happen, after all."

"Naturally. You stumbled ahead on the bed, and you came so quick, I couldn't move away in time."

"Exactly!"

"I knew it!"

"..."

"..."

Sometimes, lying to each other isn't as bad when both of you know you're onto each other.

It was just something they had to do to cope.

"Well," Hakase sighed. "I'll go back down now..."

"Yeah, good night, then..."

Negi stirred, reached over with a hand, grabbed on Hakase's pajamas and pulled her back towards himself and Chisame. "Hrrrnhh, Sis, don't leave..." he pleaded, barely coherent.

Satomi hesitated, looked at Chisame, and relented when she saw her shrugging with a jaded, resigned expression. "What the hell."

With a shameful smile, Hakase settled down, saying confidently, "No more accidents, I promise."

"Uh-huh," Chisame grumbled, turning her back to her and making a mental note of finding serious professional help for herself soon. "Good night."

"Good night. Oh, and by the way, while we were waiting for you... Tsunetsuki-sempai confessed she saw you, Sensei and Asuna performing magic in the woods."

She cringed her teeth almost making them to catch on fire. "Good! Remind me to kill her tomorrow..."

"She hasn't told anyone else, or so she said..."

"Great. Still, we _are_ killing her tomorrow."

"Naturally. After I talk things over with Sakurako. I'm sure we'll be able to work things out."

"Glad to hear. Just sleep already, okay?"

"You know, she once told me she wouldn't mind shar—"

"She was high on love potion then, Hakase!"

"Oh yes. I forgot. Still, she _does_ room with Misa. Maybe something rubbed o–"

"Don't push it!"

From within his drawer, Chamo chuckled perversely, taking good care to remain unheard. The things an ermine could hear with only some patience and feigning sleep. Oh, humans were always so quick to underestimate the sharpness of his senses...!

"By the way, Hakase..."

"Yes, Chisame?"

"We need to decide what to do with that lower bunk."

* * *

 

**Epilogue Seven – Nodoka**

The librarian stared, blushing at the book she'd found wedged under Yue's bed. Its title was _The Illustrated Kamasutra for Loli Pettankos Who Want to Seduce Their Best Friend…_

 _I really shouldn't read this…_ Nodoka thought, even as she cracked open its pages and began to read…

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL SEASON ONE- END.

* * *

 

** Next in Unequally Rational and Emotional: **

The Joker and Quartum arrive to Japan!

Madoka is made an offer she can't refuse!

A major, sure to be controversial turn in Ayaka's life!

Akira learns about magic! (Even if perhaps not in the way you'd expect).

Join us in a story we call…The Road to Kyoto! Starting the second season of this fanfiction series!


	27. Lesson 23 Point 5: The Omake Strikes Back

 

 _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ belongs to Gainax.

 _The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi_ belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

Darkwing Duck belongs to The Walt Disney Company.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A gigantically humongous and awesome new thank you to **the fantabulous Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this with his usual stylish grace. Thank you, SCM! Also, a thanks to Darkenning, Ryuus2, Sereg, Shanejayell, Prince Omen, Japanese Teeth, King Eli, Rubber Lotus, The Flying Frog, Hellsender, and everyone else who has been supporting this project!

Any non-parody, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Please review! And if the bugs don't let you review, send me a PM! And vote in the poll! And add to the TV Tropes Page! And watch _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ and _Batman: The Brave and the Bold_ while you're at it!

I know you must be waiting for the next actual chapter of story, but it's taking longer than I expected, so in the meanwhile, I thought I'd offer you a compilation of the recent _Unequally_ snippets and Omakes I've been writing for the TV Tropes Negima Fanfiction Thread. I promise I'll try to have the next fully plot integral chapter ready as soon as I can! In the meanwhile, here's an expanded look into the _Unequally_ verse and the background of some of its characters. Plus, our first look at a very important character! You'll know who she is when you see her!

* * *

 

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY THREE POINT FIVE-OMAKE FILLER STRIKES BACK.

* * *

 

**Prologue: All Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent. And Cover Our Butts.**

_"Hello, this is A*a*a**u K*n. Sorry about not being here to answer your call or draw your manga, but we're on a five weeks long research, data gathering, and moviemaking break. Please call again later, and don't read Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei in the meantime!"_

The man with the huge afro 'hmphed' as he hung the phone. A deep scowl ran down his rugged, manly features, and he cracked his hairy fists together. "Looks like we'll have to do this the hard way..."

Two days later, at his private hideout at the Pararakelse Islands, A*a*a**u K*n hung down from the ceiling, tied around the ankles and wrists, as he stared at the unforgiving eyes of the man with the afro. "It had to be you. Nabeshin!"

"Nothing personal, A*a*a**u -san. Just doing my job."

"You'll never get away with this!"

"I have an afro. I can get away with anything."

"You haven't directed a single relevant anime in nearly a decade!"

"What the—?-! _The Wallflower_ does count!"

"Too obscure! And it still was like seven years ago!"

"At least I used to deliver my work in time! And didn't need more than 100 chapters to tell a single arc!"

"It's several arcs one after another!"

"No, it isn't! They're still at Mundus Magicus! They still haven't beaten Fate! You need closure before ending an arc!"

"You can't teach me how to tell a story! You could only stitch bizarre jokes one after another! Even Shadow Crystal Mage and OverMaster are better than that!"

"You mangaka!"

"You animator!"

"Shameless break-taker!"

"Shameless self-promoter!"

"Who are you calling a self-promoter?"

"Well, you don't see ME wasting time at anime cons flaunting my ridiculous hairdo!" A*a*a**u shouted.

A middle aged woman with glasses hanging near them said, "Ano... May I come down now? I already signed my agreement..."

"Please, T*k*h*sh*-sama, not now!" both men said at once.

Several nearby prisoners muttered amongst themselves.

"— almost enough to make **me** look normal..." K*m*t* K**j* said.

"I can suggest you some damn good medications," A**o H*d**k* replied. "They did wonders for me…"

"What am I doing here?-!" Fr*nk M*ll*r shouted. "I've never created a single manga or anime in my life! You sons of WHORES WHORES WHORES!"

Nabeshin snorted at him. "You re-created the image of Batman for the Modern Age Of Comics, and Batman is in this story! You do the math!"

"Curse my highly lucrative corporate past!" M*ll*r yelled.

"What do you want this time, Nabeshin?" A*a*a**u snarled, as threateningly as an Urashima Keitarou look-alike could.

Nabeshin held the contract up for him.

"You must be joking..." the mangaka blinked in disbelief.

"If you don't sign it, I could subject you to the most abject and vilest of tortures..." the afro man said eerily.

"You mean—"

"Yes. I'll bring Governor Ishihara here, then make you re-enact the _Saw_ movies!"

"No, please! I don't mind _Saw_ , but I don't want to **look** at those shifty evil eyes ever in my life! Good God, man, how wicked can you be? How could you fall that low?-!"

"... Ten years without a major hit can do that to a man..." Nabeshin admitted. Then he placed the pen on A0a0a00u's mouth, holding the contract close to his lips. With the expertise at every field of human knowledge granted by years of DOING THE RESEARCH, he skillfully signed the dreaded document.

 _I_ , _A*a*a**u K*n, hereby authorize this to be the new Omake Recopilation Chapter of the Mahou Sensei Negima! 'Unequally Rational and Emotional' saga._

**STAMP!-!-!**

* * *

 

 **Arrival**.

 _Two and a Half Years Ago_.

Even the dynamics themselves of time travel changed with each loop.

Sometimes, cracking through the time-stream was a piece of cake, something that could be done after a few weeks of tampering with the Cassiopeia. Some other times, apparently someone at the Gates of Time wasn't collaborating, and she had to go an extra mile or two.

A few times she would have to break into the Machines' stronghold (if the Machines were controlling that particular iteration of the future), avoid a lot of Sentinels, and steal a time portal after shooting Schwarzeneggers in the face. Sometimes she'd have to swallow her pride and ask for Vandal Savage's help. Some others, she'd convince Bulma-san to let her use her time machine before she failed to resist the urge to kill herself, if Cassiopeia wasn't enough for such a big jump. In the most desperate cases, she'd just have to sweet talk Booster-san into it.

Luckily he was such a stupid horndog.

Unfortunately, every once in a while, the jump wouldn't go exactly as planned.

That time was one of those. As the crackling bubble of blue energy faded out of existence around her, Chao found herself standing at the middle of the Mahora campus at night, Cassiopeia in hand, and naked as a jaybird. Not even her white hair buns had made it, her long and silky black mane running down past her shoulders.

Chao groaned, much more annoyed than embarrassed. Starting from ground zero was always, in layman terms, such a bitch.

She began walking down the lonely campus, schematics already running at full speed in her mind. Out of other options, she reverted to the standard of falling back on Satsuki. She'd show up at her place, introduce herself, give a few excuses about her nudity, then ask for a warm food and some spare clothes.

During her many adventures, reality had shown her a million faces. In some loops, Anya would teach them instead of Negi-sensei. A few times, Negi-sensei was a girl himself. Other times, Mahora was a nudist colony (ironically, she always showed up at the middle of a crowd, and fully dressed, then. Couldn't get away with nuthin'). Or a kindergarten. Or a brothel. Or a prison. Or a psychiatric hospital, and Arkham would be an all-girls school instead, and the Joker would lead a team of Mahou Shoujo.

But the only thing that never changed was she always could count on Satsuki's hospitality.

Chao's bare feet made soft slapping sounds as she walked through the campus, hugging her chilly upper body.

Then, at mid-walk, she noticed someone was staring at her.

Oh, just great. Out of everyone, it had to be **her**.

She had been sketching the nocturnal sights of Mahora, no doubt, sitting right out of her room, sketchpad in hand, mouth half open at the sight of the unexpected nubile Chinese nude flesh.

Chao decided she'd have to tell her hello sooner or later, anyway, so she might as well do it now.

" _Nihao!_ " she said, fixing her best practiced grin, holding up a hand. "My name's Chao Lingshen. I'll be studying with you starting this term!"

Then she turned back around and began walking away once more.

Haruna watched, perplexed, at her calmly retreating backside, her eyes nailed on her firm, well muscled buttocks. Then, finally, the bespectacled girl fell down to her knees, raising her arms for the Heavens.

As Chao heard her shout of "THANK YOU, GOD!", she clenched her teeth harder than a Rob Liefeld character.

The way her luck was playing, no doubt that Mikuru bitch had made it into that timeline as well.

* * *

 

**Arrival, Addendum**

Asahina Mikuru appeared, with a shrill shriek, in the middle of a piano recital at the Mahora Auditorium, given by the famous child star Miyuki Mayu. Falling on top of Miyuki-san's piano without a stitch of clothing on, she made the violet-haired girl to yell in panic as well, demanding for her bodyguard, "M-MIYABI-SAN!"

Lots of cameras had been shot. Lots of explanations had been demanded. Her superiors had been this close to feed her to the buzzards. Literally.

Even now, however, it was an event no one, not even Haruhi herself, dared to bring up to her face.

No, not even Haruhi herself. Not after what happened that single time she tried it.

It had been **that** bad.

* * *

 

**Unevenly Logical and Sentimental.**

_Now._

Natsumi groaned long and low while struggling out of bed, unruly curly hair falling all over her forehead.

Chizu-nee already was at the bath, brushing her teeth. "Good morning, Natsumi-chan. Had that dream again?"

"Yeah," the shorter, freckled girl nodded, rubbing the sleep and cobwebs out of her eyes. "Haven't stopped having it since he arrived..." she whispered to herself, deadly afraid Chizu-nee would hear, but also feeling she couldn't help but saying it.

In the dream, it always happened the same way.

"Naba-kun, Murakami-kun, since we're so short on living quarters currently, Negi-sensei will be rooming with you two for the time being..." the Headmaster would say, and Chizu-nee, always one for caring after children, would be delighted at the idea. At first, Natsumi wouldn't even know what to think.

Then Negi-sensei turned out to be some sort of wizard like Harry Potter, and he'd need their help to beat Eva-chan, who also was a monster or vampire of sorts. And then, and this was the embarrassing part, then they... would kiss...

Natsumi patted herself on the face, trying to keep the ecchi thoughts at bay. He was a kid, it was just wrong to have those romantic fantasies about him!

And yet, the dream would never fade away for good. The details used to vary, but she also remembered another boy, with a roguish smile and bright black eyes. She dreamed of insane fantastic adventures with him, with Sensei and Chizu-nee, and it all was so over the top, like a manga. And it felt good, even if it was so scary and had lots of week-long breaks. It made her feel truly alive.

Natsumi sighed, depressed, running a hand over her sweaty freckles. The dream was so vivid it was almost as if she had lived through it, somewhere, somehow.

But it was just a fantasy, after all. If life had taught her anything, that was fantasies only became real, and briefly, on stage.

"Natsumi-chan?" Chizuru peeked in, smiling at her. "I hope you don't mind, but I gave those leftover tickets to Negi-sensei, Chisame-chan and Hakase-chan. They promised they'd be there at your play tonight..."

At first, Natsumi blinked in discomfort, but then she only smiled back, slowly. "Thank you, Chizu-nee," she warmly said.

* * *

 

**Fifteen Years Ago:**

_Kyoto. Now_.

The black-haired, mature man sighed as he held the old, already fading group portrait. Had it been really that long already? It seemed like it had happened yesterday, and yet, in a way, it also seemed to have happened lifetimes ago.

He still remembered the icy winds of Antarctica blowing on his face as Ala Rubra and their allies stood on the boat's deck, staring at the huge column of light slowly disappearing in the distance…

_"We... We actually did it?" the young tagalong asked, tightening his coat around himself, his glasses fogged up to the point of making his vision difficult._

_"We're still alive, aren't we?" Jack said, forcing himself to grin. His open jacket fluttered open in the maelstrom, and even after all those adventures together, it still shocked Eishun to see he could stand AT THE SOUTH POLE without at least a buttoned shirt on._

_The young tagalong's brow trembled with uncertainty. "Not all of us! Duck-san... Duck-san was left there! No way could he have survived that!"_

_"Bwa ha ha!" Nagi laughed._ _"You had to say it, didn't you, Nozomu-kun? Any moment now, that clumsy moron will swim out and plop on the deck with a charred face and looking for his hat!"_

_The beautiful girl with the dark grayish blue hair looked fixedly into the direction of the impact site, then shook her head once. "No. I cannot access any data on his vital signs anymore. All signals of his continued existence have simply... ceased to be."_

_"Pffft, Ryoko-chan! You can't categorize a guy's will to live by your crazy living computer data! I tell you, Ala Rubra, even honorary Ala Rubra, just can't die that easily!"_

_"That easily?-!" Nozomu cried. "He was just struck down by something that might have blown the whole planet up!"_

_"I have to agree with Nozomu-kun," Takamichi said. "The possibility of his survival were, to put it mildly, extremely remote at best..."_

_Nagi groaned stubbornly. "You too? Geez, what are you, wanting to see him dead that much? I grant you he's annoying and could never shut up, but..."_

_The tall, robust, always young-looking blond man in a scaly orange shirt standing next to Rakan shook his head and placed a hand on Springfield's shoulder. "Nagi, chum, they're right. He's gone. Even all oceanic life in this area has died. My telepathy... can't read any of them anymore." His other fist clenched. "Such senseless death…_ _**OUTRAGEOUS** _ _!"_

_"His sacrifice has not been futile," Asakura Ryoko stated, already compiling all the information in her head to compose an extensive report to her superiors. "He bought enough time for us. As of now, the damage inflicted upon this planet by the goddess' downfall is calculated to be only between 10% and 19, 6% of the amount it would have caused if Imma-san's plan had not worked."_

_"I told you, he isn't dead!" Nagi was starting to sound frustrated._

_The tall red haired woman with short hair growled and slapped him across the head. "Snap out of it, fool! All the denial in the world won't change it!"_

_"Luna-san, please..." Gateau coughed, his hair blanketed by frost. "Let us all mourn in our own way..."_

_"There's no one to mourn!" Nagi insisted._

_Albireo sighed. "We should be leaving now. The UN forces will be arriving in any moment, and we aren't in any position to give explanations..."_

_Luna Inverse scowled. "We should retrieve the goddess before they do."_

_Ryoko closed her eyes. "Too late. I can say she already has been secured by... the third party at play here. I also suggest a strategic retreat before our secrecy is compromised."_

_"We won't be leaving without him!" Nagi barked._

_"Kid," Jack forcefully pressed a hand down on his head. "No. Don't make all he died for useless. Let's just go home."_

Back then, everything always seemed possible. Spanning between worlds, defeating the undefeatable. Eishun had bought their own reputation for a long while. And yet, moments like those also reminded him they, too, were fallible, even in triumph.

And despite that, there always was a ray of light after the darkness. When he arrived back home, still covered by fresh scars, his mind heavy, all it took to make him feel born anew was a hug from his wife and a few happy words from her lips.

_"Darling... we're going to have a baby!"_

The memories made him feel old. Proud, but sad. They were sweet and bitter at once, making him both fear and feel hope for the upcoming memories of her own his child, no doubt, would eventually collect.

Now, at the present day, he put the portrait down and took a sip of his tea.

"Happy anniversary, Mallard-san."

At Mahora, Takamichi and Itoshiki softly bumped cups before drinking as well.

"For the memories of that day."

"May they never leave us, warts and all."

For once, they could agree on something again.

At the Tohsaka dorm, Sakura put a tray with snacks down before the unusually silent, sulking servant, who sat hunchbacked, wrapped on his purple cape, looking out the window. "Vigilante-san? Eat something, please. You've been too quiet today..."

"Huh? Thank you," he absently took a first mouthful. "I was just... thinking of things that would be best left forgotten. Sorry."

* * *

 

 **Childhood**.

Haruna didn't truly remember too much about her grandfather Happi.

She knew for sure Dad and Mom and the aunts, and pretty much everyone else, disliked him, even Aunt Kasumi, a little. They said he was horrible, mean and nasty, selfish and uncaring, obnoxious and monstrous. A severe annoyance at best, a serious menace at worst.

But all the fuzzy memories Haruna had of him were those of a benevolent, silly old man who always was kind and generous to her, never getting angry at her, almost like any other child to play with.

Whenever she brought that up, Dad and Mom and Aunt Akane would begrudgingly admit he always seemed to have sort of a soft spot for children, although if asked about it, Uncle Taro would... answer very differently.

What she remembered clearly was the night before he died. Coughing, the old, tiny man had gestured for her to approach. Haruna walked closer, innocently, and he just smiled and patted her forehead. "Oh, Haruna-chan... I'm sure you'll grow up into a gorgeous woman..."

"Hey, now, now..." Ranma began, his paternal instincts putting him at the defensive.

Auntie Shampoo gently pushed him back and hushed him with a finger over her lips.

"Please promise me you'll honor this old man's memory," his withered, spent voice crackled like dry leaves at a dying bonfire. "Promise me you'll always follow your heart, no matter what."

"Yeah! I promise!" she beamed, not getting why he sounded so funny now.

"Sweet, little Haruna..."

He spoke with fondness, sincere fondness, making everyone else at the room pause with respect for once. Cologne stood thoughtfully on top of her cane. Akane had started to softly sob into her tissue. Genma cried melodramatic streams of tears that would have looked manly if he wasn't in panda form. Even Nabiki had finally stopped thinking about how to get the cheapest funeral she could.

"Tell me... when we're both at Heaven, will you marry me?"

"Okay!" she smiled again.

Everyone else fell flat on their faces. A second later, it took Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Akane and Nabiki all holding him to prevent Ranma from sending the old man to an even closer death.

The next day, no one had cried. No one but Haruna, after Mom explained her she'd never see Grandpa Happi again. Then she had cried enough for all of them put together.

Haruna had never cried again after that day.

But she remembered the promise. She'd always follow her heart, no matter what.

Mom would point out the desires of the heart and those of the flesh didn't need to coincide, and they're better not to, but as she grew up, Haruna would roll her eyes more and more at that. Hard to take that kind of speech seriously when the person issuing it is sharing her husband with a sister and two of her arch rivals. At least Auntie Ukyo had moved on beyond that. Though she sometimes dropped in to, ah, 'remember old times'.

The first time Haruna took Nodoka and Yue on a visit home, she'd made sure to show them her two special places before anything else. First, Auntie Ukyo's place, since, despite being an old frustrated maid, she still had managed to earn Haruna's respect, and honestly, she was the only cook she knew that could rival Satsuki.

And then, the graves. Grandpa Soun, of whom Haruna had even less memories. Grandma Nodoka, of which Haruna remembered absolutely nothing, even if Dad obviously loved her so much, as proved by his reaction upon learning his daughter's best friend also had that name. And then Grandpa Happi's.

"Ah!" Nodoka had screamed.

"What's wrong, Nodoka-chan?"

"S-Something has just lifted my skirt up! And there's no wind!"

Yue's eyebrows twitched. "Something has just rubbed my butt, too..."

And Haruna smiled. Not even death could keep one of them down.

* * *

 

**Legend**

Nygma puffed and panted, wiping the sweat off his brow. Like always, questions blurted out of his mouth. "Why must I do this? Shouldn't this be Ivy's work? She'd do it in seconds, too..."

The guard prodded him with his club, making him to continue. "You want her turning the whole garden against us, Riddler? Put those scissors back to work, now!"

"Ohhh, I'd love to show you how I could use some scissors..." Riddler mumbled, but quickly got back to work on chopping the bushes down. "Say, O'Malley..."

"What?"

"Do you know the legend about that giant tree trunk over there?"

He was pointing at a humongous, ancient chopped tree trunk at the other end of the gardens.

"That old thing? The one Wesker uses to make his puppets?"

"They say it's cursed, don't they? And yet, we're rational men. Not an emotional cowardly and superstitious lot, right?" Riddler chuckled. "But the legend says that tree died long before Arkham was built, and its dead roots have contaminated those grounds with darkness and insanity. What once was pure becomes an agent of doom after its death. Why, some say its influence has slowly driven the whole city crazy..."

"Lovely story," the guard snorted. "I'm sure your Mom told you all about it every night after abusing you and before sending you to bed."

"Pffft, don't remind me of that intellectual pygmy!" Riddler hissed. "'I'm convinced the only actual reason why she didn't hit me was because the action of lifting her arm up and then bringing it down on me was too hard for her to figure it out," his tone grew calmer, almost indifferent now, as he shrugged.

The guard prodded him again. "Less talk, more work, Eddie."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Riddle me this, when is a pig like a dog..."

The guard gave the dry, long dead and yet somehow still useful for wood thing a brief look. He always had taken it for granted, but come to think about it, it had to be a really huge tree back then. Briefly, he wondered if there was another one like that anywhere else at the world.

Then he forgot about it and went back to hurrying Nygma along.

* * *

 

**Made of Wood**

_Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane._

Arnold Wesker didn't think of himself as an insane man, even if he had to concede he DID indulge in criminal activities more often than he should. Not when he was hearing the voices in his head while growing up a friendless child, not while slugging through the gray dull life of his youth years, not after falling into the habit of the bottle, not when that night at a barroom brawl he finally exploded and killed that man, and not when he was sent to Arkham for the first time ever.

Certainly, most of all, not when he, on a whim, took the first chunk of wood from the ancient tree-stump at the gardens and made himself his first Mr. Scarface after one too many gangster movies.

If anything, Mr. Scarface only made him feel saner, stabler. Maybe because anyone would look rational next to him. But he also made the feeble old man feel safe, even when addressing a gang of hardened veteran criminals, issuing orders to kill a rival or rob a bank. He was not only his best friend, but also his good luck charm, his shield against an insane world that just wouldn't let him be.

And so, whenever Mr. Batman, who could be quite a bully at times, caught him and sent him back to Arkham, he'd sneak over to the gardens, chop another block of wood, and make himself another body for his only friend. He owed him at least that much.

The doctors would shake their heads and try to take Mr. Scarface away, but after the first three suicide attempts, they had given up on it.

Sometimes Miss Harley would ask him why he had to use that old rotten tree's wood. There was plenty of other wood things around he could use. Arnold would just shrug and say he felt it had to be that way. Mr. Scarface had to be made from that wood. Otherwise, his voice wouldn't come out so clearly. It just wouldn't feel right.

From his wheelchair, the dry, burned out Dr. Destiny would listen and nod knowingly.

* * *

 

**Boys will be Boys**

There are, I must admit, some good things about studying at a mostly all girls school.

Sometimes it feels like one of those cliche settings for bishoujo games and harem anime, you know? Not like I play or watch any of those, but sometimes there's nothing else on TV, or at the game rental. Anyway, the way I'm always surrounded by pretty girls and geeky losers keeps giving me these intense, scary eroge vibes.

Take that afternoon, for instance. We were done with P.E., so of course, my oh so predictable fellow male classmates had gathered around the fence to stare at Class 2-A, very soon to become 3-A, sweating under the sun at their own practice. Very soon, more boys from other classes had joined us.

What was I doing there? I wish I could tell you. I'm not a pervert. I have nothing beyond the standard, perfectly average and normal attraction of a boy my age should feel for supple, fit kouhai bodies. I suppose I partially did it because if I refused, those rumors about Koizumi and me would start spreading again. I'm not gay either, dammit! Why is it so hard to be normal nowadays?

In any case, I was there, watching along with the others as 2-A ran laps around the track. As always, that part-time nun girl had an easy lead, with the redhead with bells on her head coming close. The boy teacher sat at a bench cheering for them all while Fujisawa-sensei timed their performances.

"So, which one is your favorite?" Taniguchi eventually posed the dreaded, yet unavoidable, question. He fancies himself a plaboy, although I've never seen him successfully dating anyone. "Mine's the Iincho. She's got real presence, class and beauty. A true A++ Ranking!"

You are at least six years too old for her tastes, you idiot!

His best friend, the boyish and small Kunikida, thought it over. "I don't know. Naba-san, maybe? I like that warm feeling she irradiates. It's comforting, soothing..."

"Really? And here I thought 'twas 'cuz of dose knockers!" Suzuhara Touji chuckled crassly, making the universal gesture for huge melons over his chest. His thick Osaka accent exploded with each word. Does that guy do it on purpose, or what? No one talks in such thick Kansai accent anymore; and I should know, because I was born and raised at Kansai! "Anyway, I like Nagase even better."

"The ninja?" Taniguchi asked him. I don't get why everyone calls her a ninja. Ninjas are supposed to be stealthy, and I doubt that tower of a woman, with breasts the size of basketballs, could be stealthy if her life depended on it.

"Yeah," Suzuhara nodded smugly. "I'd do her in a heartbeat. Huge tits too, but a better ass than Naba's. Not like hers is bad either, mind..."

The scrawny nerd standing next to him sighed while videotaping the girls with his always present camcorder. Why no one had ever broken that thing down on his head, I don't know. "Asuna-chan..."

Suzuhara snickered. "Kensuke likes dat kinda woman. He's even got da hots f'r dat Soryu bitch."

Aida Kensuke protested very solemnly. "She's not a bitch! She only has... a fiery determination!"

"Bitch," Suzuhara insisted. "Well, whaddya guys say? Hirano-sempai?"

The fat upperclassman pushed up his glasses. "Oh, that's an easy one. It's gotta be Yuuna-chan."

"Akashi's girl?" Taniguchi asked. "Well, she's cute. And she has… 'talent'... How about you, Takashi?"

Hirano-sempai's lean and manly (and I'm only describing him this way for the sake of objective narration! No way I could subjectively find another guy attractive, no sir!) classmate shrugged. "Dunno. Truth be told, I prefer girls around my own age."

"Still carrying a torch over Miyamoto?" Hirano asked him.

"Mind your own damn business!"

Suzuhara apparently was finding this angle boring and began needling another one of us. "Your take on it, Tate-sempai?"

Tate Yuuichi snarled. "What is it to you?"

"Well, the rumors say you like Tatsumiya Mana..."

Tate did a spit take into his Gatorade. "What the hell?-!"

"W-Well, " Suzuhara had obviously remembered Tate used to be a member of the Kendo club until his accident, and backed away quickly, "It's just you often hang around her..."

"I have to! She's Shiho's mentor!"

"Come to think about it, not like you have to hang around her either. Not like she's your real sister..." Hirano observed.

Tate grumbled, crossing his arms. "Same difference! I was raised alongside her either way..."

"I don't think she looks at you as a real brother, though," Takashi mused.

"Well, I think it's a sweet deal," Suzuhara felt adventurous again. "You get both the flat Loli and the busty babe, and—"

Tate threatened him with a fist. "Wanna close that trap before I shut it for you?"

"I'd like to see you try...!"

"Keep it down! You'll get us shooed away!" Aida protested. "And you, Sagara-sempai? Which one's your favorite?"

"I must share Tate-san's respect for Tatsumiya Mana's remarkable skills and physical condition," Sagara Sousuke shared emotionlessly. "From what I have observed of that group, none of them can match her level of ability with firearms and warfare experience."

For a moment after that, crickets could be heard chirping behind us.

"Um, yeah, right," Suzuhara moved on. "Kurosaki-sempai?"

"Ichigo already left," Chad pointed at the spot he had been at moments before. "Kuchiki-san just came for him."

Aida whistled. "Boy, those two can't have enough of each other!"

"I'd bet they've done it in all positions..." Suzuhara chuckled lecherously. "And what do you have to say on it, Chad-sempai?"

The mountain of tanned muscle made a long, awkward silence, the hair falling on his face making his expression even harder to read. "... Chachamaru-san is cute," he finally said.

Now that had been unexpected.

Taniguchi badly held down a guffaw.

Sagara looked absolutely clueless. "... 'Cute'?"

I had no doubts he simply didn't know the meaning of the word.

"She likes kittens, she's kind and polite..." Chad let a half-sigh out.

Aida made an uncomfortable face. I had to agree with him. The idea of that coupling ever coming to be was disturbing for some reason. "Ahhhh... Rito-sempai?"

The redheaded, wimpy looking Yuuki Rito woke up from another long, long spell of lovingly staring at Saotome Haruna's bouncing assets. "Uh? Huh? What?"

"Forget it," Taniguchi mumbled.

"No, no, really! What were you asking?"

"It doesn't matter! We know yer answer already!" Suzuhara waved a hand at him. "Well, dere's only one of us left to talk his piece..." He looked at me. I sternly looked back, challenging his mocking expression, but then realized I had to say something or they'd start with the damn stupid Koizumi teasing again. "Well? Kyon-sempai?"

I blandly said the first thing that came to my mind. "Kugimiya Madoka is... pretty, I suppose."

Taniguchi seemed surprised I had replied so quickly. "Her? Well... She's cute, yes, but the other two cheerleaders are still better..."

"She's got dis husky voice. I don't like chicks with men's voices," Suzuhara grinned like a loon. I didn't like what he was implying. God, I wanted to punch his face so much. Here's hoping you get trapped into a giant machine of destruction or something someday and lose a leg and an arm, dumbass.

Aida sighed fornlorly, looking at Negi-sensei congratulating two girls with glasses after it all was over. You know, the computer nerd and the mad scientist. I'm starting to think this little creep has some sort of weird premature fetish for meganekko, the way he gushes in praise after them, despite their mediocre athletic ranking. And the most worrying thing is they seem to like him back, too. The computer nerd was even smiling at him, and she never smiles for anyone.

"Dis lil' bastard's got some luck..." Suzuhara spoke like a twisted, misshapen reflection of my own thoughts. More girls were gathering around the kid, struggling for his attentions. The nun and the purple haired cheerleader, the blond Iincho and the pink haired gymnast, Saotome and the midget twins.

We shared a collective sigh. All but Sagara, that is. He just remained there, as stone-faced as ever.

Then we felt the large shadow looming over us. Kimura-sensei was standing right behind us, hands worryingly buried deep into his pockets as he looked at the girls. "Ahhhh... The spring of life, always in the bloom of sport bloomers..."

I couldn't help but feel a tingle of concern.

Please, God, don't let us end up like him.

* * *

 

**Date**

"Going with you?"

It had fully taken her by surprise. A welcome, pleasant surprise that filled her with a sudden warmth, a relief over verifying she was considered, indeed, as a valued and useful member of the organization. But still, an unexpected and puzzling invitation, as well.

"Yes," the soft, polite, yet dry and distant reply came to her ears, as the white haired figured standing before the window looked into the horizon, arms crossed behind her back. "That person has anticipated the high possibility of major opposition waiting for us at Mundus Vetus, so authorization has been given for your transit."

"I... I am honored!" she fell down on one knee before her. "I will give my best effort!"

"I am sure you will," the pale figure said, her tone still placid and droning. "Your companions' talents are best used here for the moment. Remember, however, you are to be strictly emergency backup support. Under no circumstances you will be allowed to act unless authorized first, or unless the situation absolutely demands it."

"Yes," she nodded, holding her nervousness and excitement down. "I won't forget it."

The standing figure quietly gestured for her to approach. She did so, and was rewarded by a hand briefly resting on the top of her head. It was a small, simple gesture, but with her mistress, everything was subtle, yet no less touching. The mere feeling of her slender, soft fingers resting against her scalp was enough to make her heart soar anyway.

"You can go now, Homura."

"Yes!"

Next to her, any trip would feel like a vacation.

* * *

 

**Tasks**

"It's so good to see you again, Ritsuko!" Katsuragi Misato exclaimed cheerfully as she led the other woman along the halls of the Mahora Research and Development Institute.

"Same here, " the older woman nodded passively, looking all around, at the young men and women passing, more often than not carrying big stacks of paper and boxes loaded with machinery pieces. "I assume you're cleaning house before going on vacation?"

"Yeah, most students will be going on their class trips, and this place's going to be rather lonely in the meantime," the woman with long dark hair confirmed. "By the way..." her voice grew somber, "... I heard about your mother. My condolences."

Akagi sighed. "At least she isn't suffering anymore. But I really prefer not touching that topic anymore. So, are you happy with your post here?"

"Yeah, almost everyone's a hoot to work with," Misato smiled again. "You'll like the place, I'm sure."

Ritsuko simply nodded vacantly. The woman walking before her was identical to the Misato she knew... not the one she had met at college ten years ago, but the one she had met at her prior life, before assuming the Sailor Pluto role. And yet, the context made it all so different.

A large part of the Institute's income came from the government agencies Misato was a liaison for here. A lot of the discoveries made at Mahora found their way to Japan's political rulers in trade, something the current Ritsuko, burned from her dealings with those in power in her previous existence, found highly worrying.

She had remembered all those events. It had been extremely hard for her to cope with during her childhood, making her psychoanalysis meat several times over the years, until she learned to lie through her teeth and say she didn't have the strange thoughts anymore.

Yet, she never stopped having those memories. Everything from the giant machines to her affair with the Commander. All the guilt. All the horrors. And she also remembered the sacrifice of the woman in the fuku, reaching for her in her last moments, before the world exploded in flames and primal liquid around them. She remembered her last words.

_"The power will be yours now. Stop this. Stop her now... but never hurt her. It... isn't her fault..."_

_"It gets worse every time. You won't have another chance after this."_

It all had almost ended forever that time. This time, they wouldn't have Meioh Setsuna to do it again.

But they would have her.

It was partially her own fault as well, after all.

But she didn't understand the full extent of it until she hit college. There she met Misato for the first time again, and that told her that, indeed, all those individuals she remembered were real. She also met the black talking cat showing up at her apartment that night. And her worst fears were confirmed. She was not crazy. Reality was.

"Ritsuko? We're here. Ritsuko?" Misato asked, snapping her fingers.

The blond woman snapped out of her distraction. "Oh? Oh, I'm sorry. I barely slept last night..."

"Pre-debut nerves, huh?" Katsuragi smirked.

"Just unpacking everything at the new apartment, actually," Ritsuko smiled casually. "Well, then, let's meet that duo of geniuses of yours."

Misato nodded and led her inside. Ritsuko's stomach twisted itself into a knot as she finally saw _her_ face to face. She was fixing a naked girl who sat with a large door open in her back, her green hair bundled up out of the way. Next to them, a shorter girl with glasses and black hair made in two braids took frantic notes at a E-pad.

The other black haired teen, the one with the rosy cheeks, looked up from the cables she was wiring and at Ritsuko's face, smirking slightly. In her expression, Akagi could read a fair but firm hint of acknowledgment. "Yo!"

"Rit-chan, I want you to know Chao Lingshen-chan and Hakase Satomi-chan, our two prize premier promises..." Misato giggled girlishly, as if proud of her alliteration, "And Karakuri Chachamaru-chan, their crowning achievement so far! Girls, meet Doctor Akagi Ritsuko, our new coordinator and director for the MAGI Project!"

The robot lifted her head up, very slowly, seeming dazed and spacing for some reason. "Good... afternoon, Akagi-sensei. Glad to meet... you. Sorry. Not functioning... at 100% now..."

"It's only a routine upgrade!" Chao explained.

"Huh?" Hakase finally noticed the arrivals. "Oh, hello, Katsuragi-san. Hello you too. Who would you happen to be...?"

Ritsuko opened her mouth to reply, after taking a deep breath and calming down her tense nerves. But her perfectly calculated reply was left stillborn by a red-haired head peeking through the door. "Misato? Oh, there you are. I was looking for you! Mom wants to know if you'll take much longer. Also, remember it's your turn to cook tonight..."

"Asuka-chan, not now!" Misato hushed her, then said, "Heh heh, sorry. Doctor Akagi, this is the daughter of my... roommate, Doctor Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin, Asuka. Asuka-chan, this is Doctor Akagi, and she'll be working with your mother starting tomorrow..."

Ritsuko struggled to keep her calm demeanor. The Second Child. One of the many lives Project EVA had once ruined, now given a new, better life... one that was still posed on the brink of ultimate destruction. Again. "Oh... Nice to meet you, Asuka-san. You too, Chao-san, Hakase-san... and Chachamaru-san. I'm sure I'll have a lot to learn from all of you..."

"Yeah, well, nice to meet you too. But I'm just here to pick Misato up," the redhead said, casting a dismissive glare in the other teens' direction. The eggheads rubbed her the wrong way, and the **doll** was just plain creepy. "You gonna take much longer here?"

"Not any longer than we have to," Ritsuko calmly promised.

"Yep! Not any longer than that, Asuka-chan!" Chao nodded with vigor.

For a moment, their eyes met again, saying all the things neither of them would dare to say in words.

Neither of them would yield in their respective tasks.

* * *

 

**Author's Notes:**

Yes, _Unequally_ Ala Rubra PREVENTED SECOND IMPACT. ALONG WITH A TIME DISPLACED DATA ENTITY, LINA INVERSE'S OLDER SISTER, _BRAVE AND THE BOLD_ AQUAMAN AND A TALKING DUCK. You know it can be that kind of fanfic at times.

The gag at the start is an _Excel Saga_ one, for those not familiar with that series.

Also, yes, Gotham City had a World of Tree of its own long, long ago. This might just have some major importance later on, so keep it in mind!

* * *

 

 **NEXT:** The Road to Kyoto!


	28. Lesson 24: The Proof of a Contract

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Takeuchi Naoko _._

 _To Love Ru_ belongs to Yabuki Kentaro and Saki Hasemi.

 _Rosario to Vampire_ belongs to Akihisa Ikeda.

 _The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi_ belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

A gigantically humongous and awesome new thank you to **the fantabulous Shadow Crystal Mage,** for polishing this with his usual stylish grace. Thank you, SCM! Also, a thanks to Darkenning, Ryuus2, Sereg, No Limit, Shanejayell, Prince Charon, Japanese Teeth, King Eli, Rubber Lotus, The Flying Frog, Hellsender, and everyone else who has been supporting this project!

Any non-parody, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events featured or mentioned in this story and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Please review! And if the bugs don't let you review, send me a PM! And vote in the poll! And add to the _Unequally_ TV Tropes Page!

* * *

 

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL- LESSON TWENTY FOUR.

* * *

 

**Prologue 1: Quartum.**

_Two Days After._

"White Pawn takes Dark Knight," the clown's voice sizzled like burning meat. "Oooh! I like how that sounds!"

Sitting at the sidelines of the epic conflict, Quartum watched with a blank, bored expression. Now fully clad in red and black, in a simple, functional style favored by Ra's, he had his chin lazily resting on his fists, his eyes half closed and looking like dying flames.

"Your flight's scheduled in seven hours. Don't you believe you should take a short rest to prepare for it?" the elegantly robed master of the League asked, taking a sip from his goblet of red wine, then moving another piece.

The clown waved a hand dismissively, walking around the chess table. "A performer is always at his best! Besides, haven't you heard that 72hours with no sleep means you're insane? How else do you think I keep my edge! What can I say? Part of me still gets goose bumps before getting a show on the road. Leftovers from my pre... enlightening days, perhaps!" He sat back down. "You moved already? About time!" He took a quick glare at the board and moved his remaining Bishop. "Now say goodbye to your rook!" he declared, pointing dramatically to make Kamina proud.

Ra's made a gesture telling the servants the Joker was only allowed decaf now.

"Hmmm," Ra's made an appreciative sound while Joker began pacing around again…backwards. While doing the Moonwalk He never could stay quiet for long. "Do you have a contingency plan for dealing with the Detective, should he appear on your trail?"

"Do you mean, other than siccing Quarty here on him? Oh, Bat Pest Control is what I do best. He's still alive, of course, but normally I let him win. Honest. How could I be evil enough to shatter the justice dreams of a grown-up man child in bat clothes? Anyway, yes, I got plans for him. I _always_ have plans for him..."

Ra's found the way the Joker's pelvis was moving as he said this _highly_ disturbing.

"Good. Just make sure they don't cloud your view of your current goal's. Our agents at Japan will make sure the local authorities won't interfere," Ra's said, thinking his next move before tentatively moving a pawn. "Soon, mankind's pestilence shall be washed from the face of Earth."

"That's going to take some _badass_ facial wash," the Joker said.

At that, Quartum finally cracked a silent but interested smirk.

Joker stopped before the globe at a corner of the room, licking his lips while spinning it, chuckling at seeing the countries all melding when they went that fast. "Oh, I'm sure it'll be a showstopper to stop all shows," he chuckled. "Standing room only! Reviews from Rotten Tomatoes and Linkara and everything! We do things with style and panache, don't we? Nothing but the best for Homo Sapiens' closing act! Maybe we could even advertise ourselves on TV! Hey, Kids! Be the first on your block to become the last on your block! You never had Daddy buying you one of those kits at your old home, did you, Quarty?"

The Averruncus made an annoyed sound.

"I thought so. Poor thing. Luckily you're surrounded by love now," He sat back down, analyzing the board's current situation. "Hnnnnghhh..."

"It seems I have you in check," Ra's commented, allowing himself a slight smile. Watching from her guard post at the door, Talia smiled as well. Quartum only yawned. For the love of the Lifemaker, that game was so damn boring...

The Joker's thoughtful frown became a grin, and he moved his white Bishop again. "All it takes is a little faith! And now you're in check, Al. And mated, I do believe! Not that I like you that way. Maybe ask Tata there. Got any decadent habits to speak of?"

Ra's stared down in numbed disbelief. The board that had been his a moment ago now had become an inescapable death trap for his black King.

The clown simply cackled throatily, standing around and pacing aimlessly again. "Don't take it too badly, Al. When you do as much time in the slammer as me, you have to get good at all sorts of board games. I won Arkham's Yathzee tournament five years straight! Now, where do you have your john, may I ask? That dinner I had was too spicy, and it won't do to go on a flight like that..."

Quartum sighed, got up, and walked into the opposite direction. "I'm going to take a nap."

Joker shot him a look. "Anyone else getting Uchiha Sasuke vibes from that kid?"

* * *

 

**Prologue 2: Ayaka.**

_Today._

Yukihiro Ayaka woke up earlier than needed that morning.

As she looked up and through her room's large window, she saw the sky was still dark, but she didn't mind. She couldn't sleep, anyway. Better to just try and get ready for the day's ceremony.

She couldn't let Negi-sensei and the class down, after all.

"Good morning, Ojou-sama," Fubuki was somehow awake by the time she made it out of her room, bowing to her. "Shall I get your bath ready?"

"No need. I'll just take a shower," Ayaka said passively, turning towards her room's private bathroom.

As she stood naked under the hot water, resting her hands against the tiled, perfectly white wall, her mind couldn't stop brimming with thoughts about Negi-sensei's recent escape attempt. She saw him hugging Hasegawa and Hakase in her mind's eye, crying about the idea of leaving them, and then trying to run away with them.

The concept was simply too absurd to even consider. And yet, she had seen it. Her rational mind told her it was just natural, for a young boy to get attached to his guardians. He couldn't have meant anything bad when he took that action at that stressful, shameful moment. And surely, her classmates meant nothing ill either.

Her emotional mind only kept telling her he was running away from her. With them.

She bumped her fists against the wall. Clearly, her rational and emotional minds were coming to conclusions unequally.

In the kitchen, the maids whispered to one another with concern while getting breakfast ready.

"Why is Ojou-sama in such a foul mood lately?" Taeko asked. "She passed her test with flying colors, and her class ranked number one. I'd have thought she'd be happy..."

"I ignore it," Roberta said, scowling while trying not to ruin the eggs. Her strengths had always been at the protection front, never at the kitchen.

"As a teenager, she's passing through a delicate stage of her life," Fubuki sighed. "We need to be patient with her..."

"Can't we just get her a vibrator instead?" Taeko asked bluntly.

Roberta's glare showed what she thought of that idea.

The family's young accountant peeked into the kitchen hesitantly, rubbing the cobwebs from his eyes. "Excuse me... CouldI have a cup of coffee, please?"

"Siesta-san," Fubuki told the young short haired maid. "Please serve Okajima-sama accordingly."

"Thank you very much," Okajima Rokuro said, bowingpolitely as Siesta poured him a cup of steamy black coffee. "Why are you all up so early?"

"We are awake whenever Ojou-sama is," Siesta firmly replied. "To attend to her every need at all waking hours… within reason and the bounds of propriety, of course. We're not _that_ kind of maid." Roberta's muttering on the subject was ignored."And you?"

"I just finished the budget for the next two months," he sigh, taking his first sip of the drink. "I'm beat. All I want is to have a few hours of sleep after this..."

"Hrrrrm..." Roberta made an unamused sound.

As Siesta returned to her previous chores, she promised herself to do something to cheer Ojou-sama up tonight. Maybe the shipment she had waiting from Lady Sevensheep at Ariadne would help. She still missed serving at the Academy, even if the Manor had become her second most dear home.

Yes. She would make sure Ojou-sama would have a night that would make her forget all her worries…

…

NOT _**THAT**_ WAY! She wasn't that kind of maid, darn it!

* * *

 

**Act 1: Nanoha.**

Takamachi Nanoha was having a perfectly average day.

Get up.

Get a quick shower.

Get dressed.

Innocently greet herolder sister Miyuki while she was coming out of their brother's room, hastily adjusting her glasses and combing her hair.

Admire how saccharinely close her family was at the breakfast table.

Then rush out of the house for the school as her current favorite song, _Happy Material (Rock Version, sung by Itou Shizuka, Kanda Akemi, Bandou Ai, Watanabe Akeno, and Deguchi Mami)_ , played on her iPod.

This, we'd like to point out, were the ONLY voices she was hearing in her head.

_Hikaru kaze wo oikoshitara, kimi ni kitto aeru ne, atarashii kagayaki HAPPY READY GO!_

She waved at her next door neighbor and Sempai as she also walked out of her own big, fancy house, waving back and then chiding her Byakuya-Oniisama about letting his breakfast go cold. Then she raced down the street, heading straight for the huge front gates of the thankfully-nearby Mahora Academy.

_Mezameta bakari no, tokimeki hajikesou. Mune POCKET ni tsumete, sora wo miageta. Maegami no yukue wo, kagami to niramekko. ORIGINAL egao de, kakenuketai yo..._

She ran past a new teacher for the University area, a thin, lanky foreign fellow with bottle-bottom glasses, a pet crow perched on a shoulder. For only a moment, he looked up from the newspaper he was reading through (Headlines: 'THREE FOUND DEAD GRINNING AT TOKYO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT'), gave the foolishly cheerful youngster a disdainful look, and shook his head to himself, muttering about not having a repeat of that university incident with the football player. He seemed nice.

_Ichibyou goto dokidoki, irodzuku kono hibi ga. Miraichizu ni naru, takanaru kodou..._

Nanoha heard a loud zoom passing over her head, and looked up to see Chachamaru-sempai flying for the main Academy building, carrying her friend (what was she named again? Evelyn-san?) in her arms. She knew Chachamaru-san, of course, as everyone who ate at the Chao Bao Zi with some frequency did; she was very popular, and there were even rumors about her having her own fanclub. And she, like everyone else, liked her, but still, Nanoha couldn't shake off the feeling there was something TOO WEIRD about Chachamaru-sempai.

Perhaps the fact she FLEW had something to do with it. Nah, it couldn't be. After all, Superman-sama and that Magneto-person on TV with Oprah flew…

_Hikaru kaze wo oikoshitara. Nani ga matteiru no kana. Amefuri demo heiki, niji ni naru yo._ _COLOURFUL HAPPY MATERIAL GO! Kimi ni kitto aeru ne. Chisana yuuki wo, sakase you._

Racing right behind Chachamaru-sempai, lifting clouds of dust at its wake, that odd Genius-sempai's speedster vehicle raced past Nanoha so fast it briefly lifted her skirt up, making her to yelp and push it back down. Genius-sempai (who also worked at the Chao Bao Zi at times, although not as often. Perhaps she just had too many genius things to do at her lab, or something) didn't seem to notice, but her pimply-faced taller friend holding to her waist for safety had started to yell at her aboutit, all the while Negi-sensei, who in turn was grabbing onto that girl's waist, cried a heartfelt apology to Nanoha. She also could have sworn the ermine perched on his shoulder made a sound oddly similar to 'PINK!'. But maybe she was reading too much into it. After all, she had her earphones on. Must be the soundtrack.

Everyone had come to know Negi-sensei through the last term as well, even those he never had taught. He had amassed quite a following; Alisa and Suzuka belonged to his fanclub, or rather one of his fanclubs, if Nanoha remembered correctly, although she was reasonably sure he had no idea he had such clubs devoted to him.

Nanoha honestly couldn't see what was the big deal about him, although she had to admit he seemed a nice person.

_Hayari mo Study mo, youten CHECK OK. Hyouteki wo kakunin, SPEED shoubu. Nodo goshi sawayakana tokubetsu no yokan ga. Kono mune afureteku, kasoku shiteku yo..._

Then a motorcycle also overtook her, with two more motorcycles close by in hot pursuit. Kuga Natsuki-sempai, Kimura Kaere-sempai and Harima Kenji-sempai, two of them the biggest delinquents at the school and one of the biggest weirdoes, never missed a chance to race each other... whenever they actually bothered to show up for classes.

Whenever Nanoha's brother talked about buying a motorcycle, Dad would always say, "Just make sure you don't end up like Harima Kenji." But Nanoha didn't think badly of him. She never had seen him getting into a fight someone else hadn't started first.

And besides, she had always thought you had to convince some people the hard way before befriending them. Not that she could imagine herself ever getting into serious fights because of it...!

_Namida kakushita egao, kimi wa kidzuiteru ne. Koi shiyo! Yume miyo! Watashi rashiku._

Konoka-sempai, the Dean's own granddaughter, passed by next, easily speeding on her roller skates, with her red-haired friend running at her side, somehow managing to keep up with her while complaining about being late. Nanoha remembered hearing some of the girls at her class whispering a few things about her being a 'thespian' along with Genius-sempai and Negi-sensei's roommate. Something about 'a scene' at the public baths... Why so much secrecy about someone else being an actress of sorts, she'd never know, but her classmates were weird like that at times.

_Negai no saki e Jump shitara. Uketomete kureru kana? Nayamu mae ni dekiru koto wo shiyou! COLORFUL HAPPY MATERIAL GO! Osoroi no kirameki kimi ni todoketai HAPPY READY GO!_

Another teenaged red-haired sempai ran past her, with a loaf of toasted bread in her mouth, muttering angrily something about a stupid Misato not waking her up early. A freckled girl with brown hair followed her, trying to calm her down and actually taking a moment to wave at Nanoha and telling her "Good morning!"

"Good morning!" Nanoha waved back. That sempai was always very kind to everyone. If only she could remember her name...

_Kimi ni todoketai HAPPY READY GO!_

Nanoha finally reached her classmates as they were getting ready to enter the main hall where the end of term ceremony would take place. "Ah! Ah!" she panted. "I almost got here late! Good morning, Alisa-chan, Suzuka-chan!"

"Good morning, Nanoha-chan!"

"Good morning, Sakura-chan, Tomoyo-chan, Naoko-chan, Chiharu-chan, Rika-chan!"

"Good morning, Nanoha-chan!"

"Good morning, Poemi-chan, Futaba-chan!"

"My name's Kobayashi, Kobayashi, KOBAYASHI!"

"Poemi-chan is so cool!"

"Good morning, Cocone-chan!"

"Good morning, Takamachi-san."

"... Cocone-chan..."

"Yes?"

"We really need to work on opening you up a lot more..."

"Thank you for your concern. But I have heard things about your concept of 'Befriending'…"

"ALISA-CHAN!"

Their blond classmate looked aside. "What? I only told her the truth of how we became friends..."

"It was just a push!"

"And some fisticuffs."

"True, but you started those..."

"And then the hair pulling..."

"Ah, yes. I had forgotten that part..."

"And then I pulled the—"

Kinomoto Sakura sweatdropped and waved a hand to stop that happy train of memories. "Hoeee...? Minna-san?The ceremony's about to begin..."

"I WANNA TO BE A VOICE ACTRESS!" Poemi yelled.

* * *

 

**Act 2: Haruna.**

The auditorium was filled to maximum capacity, and the teachers in charge weren't allowing anyone else in. But all of Class 2... excuse us, Class 3-A had made it in time, spurred by Ayaka to take most of the front rows.

The Narutakis yawned almost non-stop, complaining about being waken up too early, with Fuuka occasionally taking brief naps resting her chin on Fumika's shoulder. Such a decadent habit! Evangeline had a completely terrifying flat expression, as if daring anyone to try and talk to her and regret it. Next to her, Chachamaru simply sat in perfect silence and stillness, as only a non-breathing robot could do, her "Kittens and Negi-sensei" screensaver playing inside..

Yuuna sat a bit apart from the others, next to her father, whispering a few things to him as he nodded and sighed patiently. Satsuki, Chao and Hakase all chatted amiably, with Chisame sitting next to the latter, looking awkward and expectant. Asuna and Konoka chattered amongst themselves as well.

Other classes were more sparsely represented. The formerly High School 1-E, now 2-E's infamous S.O.S. Brigade was in full attendance, along with their more or less frequent partner in crime Tsuruya-san, the Academy's sixth wealthiest student, munching on a chunk of smoked cheese. Class 2-F, now 3-F, was almost fully there as well, except, naturally, for poor Komori Kiri, although she certainly preferred it that way.

But the 16 year-old boy with the spikey orange hair sitting at the back of the hall had no eyes for any of them. He only could look in thoughtful, distracted silence at a single person, drinking on her beauty, sunk into a depressed silence for far too long before exhaling softly, allowing his frustration to come out.

"Sigh..."

The short, 12 years old brown haired girl sitting at his left elbowed him. "Rito."

"Huh?" he said, blinking out of his dreamy stupor. "Hm? What's up, Mikan?"

"The Dean already started," his little sister whispered. "At least pretend you're listening to him."

The 15 years old red-head with short hair sitting at Rito's other side grunted while still keeping her eyes locked on her cellphone. "Why? As if he's saying anything of any interest. Besides, he can't see us all the way back here."

"How could you know, Nao?" Mikan hissed, her voice still very low but tense. "I'll bet you haven't heard a single word of it..."

"Yadda yadda yadda, kid genius this, kid genius that." Yuuki Nao waved a hand at her cousins without even looking at them. "Whatever!"

As a matter of fact, Konoemon was, indeed, talking about Negi-sensei as the young teacher blushed and kept his head low at the center of the stage.

"—And so, we wish to congratulate Negi Springfield-sensei, who, as of this coming academic year, will be working as a full-time English teacher, and also as the homeroom guide for Middle School Class 3-A..."

Negi fidgeted bashfully, showing his age clearly, as the attendants stood up and clapped. He saw the pride in his students' faces, from Ayaka's nearly tearful one to Chisame's reluctantly but evidently warm contentment; from Makie's unbound glee to Yue's restrained, stoic approval. Never before, not even at his own graduation, he had felt more accomplished. Even Itoshiki looked at him with some sort of almost paternal respect.

"I heard the Dean's so happy with the results he's gonna bring another kiddy teacher this year," Yukari whispered to Nyamo. "Some brat just graduated from the M.I.T., Miyamoto Rebecca or something..."

"Where did you hear that nonsense?" Nyamo asked, scowling.

The girl Rito had been looking at clapped louder than anyone else, always trying to be the most vocal with her almost unending bouts of energetic joy. Again, he stared at her, hypnotized by her beauty.

_Saotome Haruna._

Always so gorgeous, every time I look at her.

Her sweet laughter...

Haruna's rampant rambunctious laughter echoed through the auditorium, despite her two closest friends' attempts to tone it down a bit.

_Her long, silky black hair. Her gentle, feminine manners..._

Haruna had taken Yue and Nodoka under an arm each, still laughing like a hyperactive hyena, now pressing them against herself until Ayaka finally managed to hush her and make her sit down.

_She's simply the best..._

"Rito..." his sister was whispering at him again.

_I've decided it. I won't wait any longer. Who knows if she could get herself someone else at her class trip? She seems to like her teacher. I... I can't just keep on looking at her..._

"Rito, pay attention to the speech..." Mikan insisted.

_I'll do it today! I'm going to confess my love to her!_

"Ri-to!" Mikan pinched him in an arm. And then Nao as well for good measure. "And you too!"

They yelped in pain, only to promptly be hushed by the nearby attendants. The little girl shook her head in shame. "Why does my own family do this to me?"

"Excuse me, who was the one who pinched whom?" Nao asked angrily, rubbing her arm.

Rito had forgotten the ache already. He was too busy running the schematics of a love letter in his head.

This couldn't end well, poor sucker.

* * *

 

**Act 3: Negi.**

After the ceremony, the Dean had summoned Negi to his office, then politely told Shizuna to wait outside.

"Negi-sensei," he began once the two of them were alone, "Are you fully satisfied with your personal rapport with your class?"

"Naturally, Konoemon-sensei!"

"With every last one of them? Even Evangeline-chan? We both know she can be... rather difficult to deal with... at times."

He laughed. "She only needs her own space and some discipline..."

"Ho-hum!" the old man sounded amused. "You seem pretty sure of yourself now. Are you sure you are up to the task of taking them to their class trip, on grounds unknown for you?"

"Yes, sir!"

"That's good to hear, truly it is. Well, I suppose I should ask next; have you settled for a destination place yet?"

"No. Since we had been so busy with the... preparations for the test, well..." the sentence trailed off. "I was thinking maybe Hawaii. I heard that was a nice place…"

The Dean nodded. "Hmm… Very well, I think you should know Konoka's father has offered to finance the trip. What would you say about visiting Kyoto?"

"Kyoto?" he repeated, remembering Konoka herself had suggested a trip to Kyoto a few days ago. Busy as everyone had been back then, no one had given it much thought, but the idea seemed sound enough.

"Yes, yes. Itoshiki-sensei's class already claimed Okinawa, and Fujisawa-sensei's will be visiting the Shinonome ruins. For a long while, our respective magic associations, the Kansai and Kanto ones, were at odds, if not in outright conflict, but those times are thankfully all but forgotten now. We have discussed it for a long time, and we have decided your visit would be another step, even if a small one, towards the strengthening of our ties, as proof of trust and good will. And besides, Konoka-chan hasn't seen her father in almost a year now, and his duties don't allow him to leave Kyoto. I know the last one is a rather selfish reason, but..."

"No, no, I don't mind!" Negi said. "I'd be honored to act as your ambassador there! And it's not selfish at all! A child SHOULD be able to spend time with their father!" He said it with such ferocity Konoemon mentally resolved to bring up the subject of fathers as little as possible around Negi. In his own way, he was as creepy as Yuuna when it came to that…

"That's what I thought. As a European mage, a neutral party, you would be a better diplomatic spearhead than any native mages. But consult your class about it first. Let them decide where do they want to go, with no pressure, no influence of matters _they ultimately are better off not knowing..."_  
  
The soft but knowing tone in those last few words almost made Negi fear Konoemon might be in on a few of his shameful Pactio-ing secrets, but then the old man just shook his hand and kindly sent him away.

As he walked down the campus heading back home, the boy saw Evangeline and Chachamaru sharing a tea at a small stand, and decided he could start by asking them their opinions. Granted, Evangeline was forcefully tied to the Academy, but maybe she would authorize Chachamaru to go. She'd likely need to be near Hakase and Chao for maintenance, and as for her winding needs, he always could give her a quick screwing a day, the way Hakase had shown him when Chachamaru had been living with them a lot of chapters ago.

And with that last bit of double-edged innuendo, we fulfill our obligatory quota of at least one dirty joke per act. Now we can switch over to the next scene...

* * *

 

**Act 4: Akira.**

"Akira-chan!"

Akira smiled gently as she walked into the indoor pool area, being greeted by the shorter dark-haired girl. "Good afternoon, Mizuno-san."

The blond, long haired girl with the red bow on her head standing behind Mizuno Ami waited as both teammates took each other's hands and shook them briefly. Then the girl with short hair introduced her. "Akira-chan, I'd like you to meet my roommate, Aino Minako. Minako, this is Ookuchi Akira, the junior star of our team."

"It's a pleasure," Akira said, bowing.

"The pleasure is all mine!" the Minako girl grinned. The white cat roaming around her feet had paused, giving Akira an intense, intrigued look. "I've seen you during Ami-chan's competitions. You swim faster than a dolphin! How do you do it?"

The 3-A student-to-be looked somewhat embarrassed. "Oh, no, it's nothing. I've just trained hard, that's all. I'd never have managed it without Mizuno-san's help, and everyone else's. Besides, I'm still far below Ichinose-sempai's level."

"You mean the girl you're saying goodbye to now?"

"Yes. Ichinose-sempai led us to victory in four straight regional championships," Akira answered. "However, she has just graduated, and she'll be leaving for Toudai."

"Man, you were so lucky to have an ace like her..." Aino mused, rolling her blue eyes around. "I wish we had someone like that in the volleyball team..."

"I'm sure you'll do better next term," Ami told her. "This year, you just had bad luck, going against the Fujimi Academy team..."

"Yeah, I guess so..."

Then Akira felt something small and furry rubbing against her ankles. She looked down to see that it was the white cat that had been prowling around Minako moments before. Inwardly, she was relieved it wasn't Negi-sensei's pet ermine again. That animal had something about it that made her feel uneasy.

"Oh, that's Artemis-kun, my pet. You'll have to excuse him, he's... a bit of a troublemaker," Minako said. "He can't see a pretty girl without going right after her..."

"It's okay. I understand." Akira smiled kindly, picking up the small feline. She was no Chachamaru, but she was still never one to waste the chance to pet a kitten. "He's a very cute kitty..."

The cat looked exactly at her eyes, with almost human precision, as if measuring the sincerity of her words and feelings. It made her nervous for a moment, but she told herself it was a silly thing to feel as she put him back down.

She also vaguely wondered what the deal was with that crescent moon thing on his forehead. Some owners just marked their poor animals with the dumbest looking things...

* * *

 

**Act 5: Rito.**

Rito Yuuki attempted to draw in a confident breath as he sneaked his way towards the junior high girls' lockers, hoping this time he wouldn't be found out, accused of being a stalking pervert, and beaten up. For that purpose, he applied his best stealth skills, achieved after grueling hours and hours of playing _Metal Gear Solid_.He'd have bought his cardboard bow to make his disguise absolute, but his sister had gotten to it and thrown it away. Ah, well. As long as he stayed in the shadows…

So far, it had worked like a charm. Miraculously, he had made it to the soon-to-be 3-A lockers without being spotted; most students were at their farewell parties, or planning their class trips, or actually having the courage to declare their love for others face to face.

Rito sighed as he stood before Saotome's locker, his head drooping down in shame. He hadn't even dared to sign the damn letter. How could he be so pathetic? He'd never hear the end of it if his friend Saruyama ever learned about it.

No, that wasn't the way he should be thinking, he told himself. It was better to start a single step a time, right? Coming out at her out of the blue to tell her he loved her wouldn't do. Especially if she liked well-behaved guys like Negi-sensei, and Rito * _did_ * want to think he was a well-behaved guy himself.

Maybe he'd scare her if he was too straightforward. After all, she was his kouhai, a younger, virginal, untouched maiden...

Yes, her locker was painted all over with strikingly erotic imagery of shirtless men, but that meant nothing! Right? It was... a perfectly normal thing for girls of that age to like. Nao even had a stash of such magazines under her bed; as he had learned that day while helping Mikan with the cleaning chores. Though he was a bit confused as to why some of his own magazines he'd thought had gone missing had been there as well…

His heart thumped loudly as his trembling hands began pushing the sealed letter ahead, aiming for the lower slit of the closed door. He almost was there. True, his anxious nerves were killing him, but really, all he had to do was to push that thing into the slit and be done with it. It wasn't like it'd hurt, right? She surely was used to it...

To receive love letters, that is...

Someone so gorgeous and... sophisticated... just had to...

Her very presence was so cheerful and warm, it made him feel embraced by a strange tingling aura that sent his soul soaring. Ahhhh, even remembering it made him to feel it all over again...

"Whatcha doing there?" she asked curiously into his ear.

"YAHHHH!" he jumped up, shouting like a strangled animal just caught in a trap. Rito slid back until he found himself with his back pressed hard against a corner. He whimpered, his eyes bulging out like baseballs, "Wh-Wh-Wh-Where did you come from? Why are you here?-!"

"... This is my locker," she said, pointing at it. "I just finished my Manga Club meeting, and I came for a few things. What are * _you_ * doing here? Arent'cha a bit far from your classroom, Sempai...?"

"R-Rito! Y-Y-Yuuko Ritu! No, I mean, Yuuki Rito!" the boy blurted, guessing she was subtly asking for his name. "And I was, uh, lost! No particular good reason why I was here!"

Haruna blinked, then looked at the envelope he was clumsily trying to hide behind his back. She could sniff the faint scent of perfume wafting from it, and something else. The bitter taste of candied almonds. Her ahoge twitched wildly, scanning back and forth to confirm. Yes, there was no doubt about it was strong in this one. The Love smirked, looking at the neatly kept locker right beneath hers. "Oh, really...? Sempai, you shouldn't say such lies! I know exactly why you are here!"

"Y-Y-You do?" His whole body went white, and even his hair lost all color.

"You are here... to deposit that love letter!" She pointed an accusing finger at him, although her expression was amused and not angry at all.

"...!" he gasped.

"At Nodoka-chan's locker!" The finger now aimed at the other librarian's private place.

Now that made Rito's face to lose even more color, becoming transparent. It was quite interesting to see, the underlying network of veins and capillaries, the way his muscles all stitched together, the way you could see his bones…

He recovered quickly, however, waving his hands around. "No! No! Definitely not!"

"Why not?" she grinned. "There's no shame on liking Nodo-chan! She's cute, polite, a good cook, smart and sensible! Plus she's small, slim and flat enough to be a loli, and that's _always_ hot. She'll always call you 'onii-chan' and her voice is always so _sexy_ when she does…" She trailed off, drool dripping from a corner of her mouth. Rito found it infinitely fascinating.

"I-I know!" he stuttered. "I mean, vaguely, but I know! But I don't feel that way about her! And this thing I'm holding is not a love letter! I got it from my... from my Mom!"

"Your Mom sends you love letters?" Haruna lifted a thick eyebrow up. A bit more drool began to drip.

"O-Of course not!"

She seemed almost disappointed. "You sure?" she asked, finally wiping the side of her mouth.

"Of course I am!"

"A pity. You have the right kind of face for a protagonist of a doujin like that..." she hummed, framing his face between her hands from a distance, expertly. "No. Wait. You got much more of a Sis-con face. No wonder you like Nodoka. You have a little sister at home?"

Rito's face betrayed shock. "We're allowed to live together here since I act as her guardian... How did you know?-!"

"HO! HO, HO HO!" Haruna laughed, very unladylike. Or quite ladylike, since she was imitating how her gymnast aunt laughed. "I'm an expert at pinning down such things! And you have all the standard traits of that kind of boy!"

Rito was even more impressed by her now. On top of it all, she was so smart...

At the Yuuki dorm, Mikan shuddered as she brushed her teeth. "I feel as if the devil had just mentioned my name..."

From the couch were she lay lazily reading ero-manga, Nao snorted. "Must be Kimura-sensei drooling over you again."

Back at the main Academy building, Haruna chuckled, grabbing the paralyzed Rito by the shoulders. Her proximity had all but broken his mind now. Never before had they been so close. And the way her large breasts all but pressed against his chest now made it all even bett— worse. "Want some tips?" she teased. "Normally, I'd 'ship' Nodo-chan with either Sensei or Yuecchi, but I've got a gut feeling you're a swell guy. However, to be sure of it... I need to read that letter!"

"N-No! No!" he protested. "It's... It's a private letter! And it doesn't have anything to do with Miyazaki-san!"

"Liar! What are you so afraid of? If it's a normal love letter, it won't hurt if I read it! And if it's a lewd, dirty, filthy, sexy, depraved letter full of carnality, indecency and decadent, lustful habits…" she paused a moment to wipe her mouth yet again, " well, it's my duty as Nodo-chan's friend to protect her from you! And I need plotters for my manga, and you could do!"

"Wh-What in the world are you saying?" He tried to escape, but she grabbed him by an arm. "Ahhhh! Lemme go!"

"Lemme see that letter first!" she countered. "Or I'll tell everyone you came here to ambush me and take advantage of me while holding that letter for your originally intended victim!"

He was horrified. "You couldn't!"

She showed her teeth in a perfectly evil sultry smile. "Wanna try me...?"

Oh, even when she was being despicable, she still was so beautiful, he told himself.

Still, he had the strength of mind to resist. "N-No..."

"Oh, for the love of—!" With an annoyed sigh, she snatched the letter away from his hand before he even realized it. Wow, she was fast, too!

"No! No! Please don't read it!" he begged, falling down to his knees, feeling like shame would kill him right then and there. "It isn't mine! It's from my Mom, really! I mean, not like she likes you, but she thought I liked you, and so she thought she should—!"

But she already had ripped the envelope to shreds and was reading through the letter at Yomiko Readman-like speeds, the smile now frozen on her face.

Rito mashed his forehead against the floor and cried a few rivers.

But then he heard her giggle, and an icy shiver ran up his spine.

"Why, Yuuki-sempai..." she crooned slowly, mischievously dragging the words on. "I'm _honored_... Never before had _I_ received a love letter..."

He turned his fearful eyes up at him. "Y-you hadn't...? Seriously...?"

Then he realized his current angle was showing him quite a nice view of her racy black panties, and so he yowled and jumped back again in shame and terror.

Haruna chuckled to herself. Oh, now this had a lot of potential...

* * *

 

**Act 6: Madoka.**

Madoka entered the store carefully, looking around. "Urahara-san?" she asked. "Urahara-san, are you here?"

The shop was eerily quiet and silent, though. Madoka started to regret coming alone. It was as if the portraits at the walls were actually staring at her, and the strange animals mounted at the walls and displayed at cages all around the place were even more unnerving. The strange white and red one that looked like a cross between a cat and a beagle with what look like golden rings at the ends of it ears, stuffed and mounted, seemed strangely intent at her, despite the fact its face was completely blank. For some reason, what looked like a stick of dynamite was stuck up its ass. Surely that was some sort of taxidermist's joke?

Still, moved by her desire to get rid of the thing she was carrying, she walked further inside. "Urahara-san...?"

"They're all gone," a voice told her. "They won't be coming 'til tonight."

She jumped in alarm, but relaxed upon seeing the small redheaded boy sitting at a chair playing with a PSP. He wasn't even looking at her. "Oh! Oh, it's you... Jinta-kun, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he snorted. "What do you want?"

Madoka placed the package she was bringing on the table before the boy, next to a very similar looking package of the same size. We're not even going to _pretend_ this isn't going to lead to some sort of hilarious mix-up."I came to return this. It's still untouched. It's the bottle of love potion I bought for Valentine's Day..."

"We don't do refunds," the boy mumbled angrily, his eyes still fixed on his _Batman Incorporated Project: Unlosing Baka Rangers vs Lord Deathman_ game. "Against store policy. Best you might get is store credit."

"I don't want the money back," Kugimiya said, scowling at his rudeness. "I just... want to get rid of this thing. Their bottles caused enough problems for Misa and Sakurako, but I know they haven't learned their lesson yet. Sooner or later, they'll take this bottle and try again. And I don't want that on my conscience."

"Good. Then just leave it there. You want something else?"

Madoka looked around again and pointed at a small cage and the horribly cute hairy bipedal creature inside. "That's very kawaii! How much does it cost?"

Jinta gave the cage a glare and cringed. "Ugh, no! That's a Mogwai! It isn't for sale. It's too dangerous."

"What is it? Some sort of monkey?" Madoka found hard to believe such an adorable thing could be dangerous. Maybe it carried diseases?

"Yeah. You could say so," he sounded indifferent, too absorbed in his game.

"Ah. Well, have a good day, then." She headed for the door.

"Yeah, you too..." he mumbled.

Half a hour and a saved game later, a young woman with short black hair, wearing a Maid outfit and carrying several bags in a hand, walked in after ringing the bell. "Good morning, Jinta-kun!"

"Hey, Siesta-san," he droned, losing another life to the Level 6 boss.

"Where are Urahara-sama and the others?"

"Out of town. Won't be coming back for hours."

"Oh... But... I assume my package already arrived?"

"Yeah. That's it on table." He gestured lazily towards one of the packages placed before him, not looking up as he shuffled his equipment around. Stupid boss.

Siesta's eyes shone. "Oh, good! Ojou-sama will be so happy tonight!" She picked up the package and pulled out a big fat wad of cash from her pocket, placing it on Jinta's now extended left hand, the right one till holding his console. "Tell Urahara-sama I'm very thankful!"

"Yeah, fine," he waved her goodbye and kept on playing.

Two hours later, he threw his arms up in victory. "Yeah! I did it! I'm so wonderful!"

Then he looked down at the table, at the package still there. "Uh oh…Meh, what do I care?" He sat back down and booted up _Parasite Evangeline: 3_ _rd_ _Birthday Party._ One way or another, he _would_ unlock that pole-dancing mini game!

_In the meantime..._

As Madoka walked down the street, satisfied on having done the right thing which couldn't possibly ever bring down bad things upon anyone, she ran into the last person she expected to meet that day after doubling a corner.

_Make a contract with me, and I will grant you–_

Whoops, wrong Madoka, and completely wrong fic. Let's try again…

As Madoka walked down the street, satisfied on having done the right thing which couldn't possibly ever bring down bad things upon anyone, she ran into the last person she expected to meet that day after doubling a corner.

"Oh, hey, Kugimiya-chan!" the brown haired girl smiled at her, holding up a hand. "What a happy coincidence to find you here!"

Madoka took a pause, more than slightly concerned. Something told her, very strongly, that meeting had not been a coincidence at all. The face of the girl didn't display any surprise at all. It had "ALL AS PLANNED" written all over it. Well, point in fact, she had "ALL AS PLANNED" written large all over her t-shirt, which also bore a wanted poster for that mysterious mass murderer several years ago, Kira. That did not seem like a good omen.

"Oh... Good morning, Suzumiya-sempai!" she said, nodding her head in a vague bow. "Fancy meeting you here, yeah... Wait. I wasn't aware you knew my name..." Or even that she existed, for that matter.

Suzumiya Haruhi shrugged casually, a smug smile dancing on her lips. "What can I say? I make it my business to know the names of those who regularly walk into my club..."

Madoka paled visibly. "I... I've only visited it once or twice. I didn't mean to intrude..."

The older girl leaned forward, almost sticking her face in Madoka's, much to the latter's discomfort. "Intruding? Oh, are you thinking I'm offended or something? Well, I * _do_ * like to be informed when someone wants to walk into * _my_ * club to hang out with my subordinates, taking their attention away from their duties... But no, I'm not offended or angry!-!-!-!-!"She laughed out loud, and that laugh chilled Kugimiya to the bones. Plus the five exclamation marks, always a sure sign of a disturbed mind. Then Suzumiya made that sly wide grin, showing off her perfect white teeth. It was a terrifying grin as well. The Joker would have taken notes. "Then, did you like what you saw?"

"Oh... Yeah, sure, you have a pretty nice club room..."

"Yeah. I'm sure Kyon had a good time showing it to you, too."

Madoka squirmed in place. She remembered the rumors Misa had helped to spread, aboutSuzumiya-sempai liking her clubmate Kyon. And her clubmate Mikuru. And her clubmate Itsuki. And her clubmate Yuki. And the Chiu-sama-worshiping computer club president president next door. And farm animals. And actors from old B-movies. And former convicts. And costumed supervillains. And even– her mind reeled at the sheer unnatural evil of it all–Bella, Edward and Jacob.

Okay, so most of those rumors PROBABLY were baseless, but still…

A Twilight Furry fangirl? No one made such claims without _some_ proof.

Like the Team Edward and Team Jacob buttons on her sleeves.

"Look, I didn't want to—" Madoka began, resolving not to touch her in case it was catching, but then Haruhi began fanning herself.

"Whooo, it's a hot day! Wanna go for something cold to drink?"

"Huh? Well, I don't have too much time, but—"

"It's a free day! The term's over already! Don't be a stick in the mud!" She took her by a hand and began dragging her down the street. Just like the rumors had said, she had no concepts of things like personal space. "And besides, it won't take long! I just want to drink something while I tell you everything about our offer!"

Madoka was really freaked out now. SHE WAS TOUCHING A TWILIGHT FURRY FAN!-!-!-!-! SHE'S GOING TO DRINK MY BLOOD!-!-!-!-!. "What offer?-!"

"Relax! You won't be obliged to wear the Playboy bunny suit yet!" Suzumiya-sempai said, as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

Madoka wanted to run, but that hand's grip was just damn strong. She was doomed.

She repressed the urge to whimper as horrifying visions of being part of the sparkly-vamp slave-cult flashed before her eyes…

* * *

 

**Act 7: Evangeline.**

"Kyoto, you say?" Evangeline looked mildly intrigued now.

Negi smiled way too cutely. Eva suspected he might be doing it on purpose to some degree. Then he nodded. "Yes! I talked about it with the Dean, and it looks like it'd be the best choice for our class trip!"

"Like I care," the blonde growled, falling back into a cynical mood, relaxing on her chair. "I'd never go with all those cretins on any sort of trip, and even if I wanted, I couldn't go... because of your damn father's fault!"

Negi was about to apologize on the Thousand Master's behalf, but before he could do so, Mc Dowell smirked. "Isn't that a bloody fat coincidence, though? Or not. That old goat never does anything without a double purpose. Did you know your old man used to have a house in Kyoto?"

"Eeeeehhh?-!" his voice rose up to a high, almost girlish, pitch. "I never knew that!"

"It was supposed to be a secret, you dolt," she told him, keeping her voice very low. "I told you already, he had plenty of powerful enemies. Negaduck, Vandal Savage, Dead Apostles of all sorts he'd pissed off, Joey Tribbiani, Barney Stinson, the IRS…That house was one of his many hideouts; we were there a few times while we traveled together."

"Was it a romantic place?" Chachamaru asked.

"Very. But the damn idiot would never get the hint no matter how much—" Then she turned around and bonked her now empty glass on the top of the robot's head. "Mind your own business, useless doll!"

"I apologize," she droned, not actually sounding too apologetic.

Eva gruffly looked back at Negi, who simply sat there with a stupefied expression. "Ugh, that's what I'm talking about! That's the same goofy face he put on all the time back then! You disgust me!"

"Sorry..." he babbled.

"While you're there, ask Konoka's father about him," Evangeline mumbled. "They were really close back in the day. They probably shared far more secrets than what he told me while we were together."

"Father had a lot of comrades, didn't he?" the boy asked. "Itoshiki-sensei recently told me they were friends, as well."

"He only hung around your father's band of fools hoping they'd notice him," the daywalker vampire snarled. "Or so I've heard. That was before I met him."

He paused, pondering what could that mean. "Back when my mother was still alive?"

Evangeline blinked. Now that she thought about it, if Nagi'd had a kid, that meant… She tried to cover up the sudden whirlwind of emotions this raised in her, using her centuries of experience of putting up a front to look uninterested. "Duh. Obviously…" Someone had gotten to him. It was the chain of causality she'd unknowingly been keeping from herself. SOMEONE HAD GOTTEN TO HIM FIRST… made love to him… and borne him a child.

For the first time in centuries, she felt as dead as inside as the corpse she was.

Negi breathed in, making Chachamaru feel sorry for him. Both were oblivious to Evangeline's turmoil. "I never got to meet my mother. I don't even know exactly how she died. Nekane doesn't know either. I guess I should look into that, too… It's funny, really. I spend so much time focusing on my father, often I forget he's not the only parent I'm missing…"

"Are you sure your old man's still alive, for that matter?" McDowell asked him. Control…control…"No one's seen him in years, and he never was the kind to lay low. Besides, you'd think he'd have tried to contact you, at least once a year or so..." Or me…he'd _promised…_

"I _know_ he's alive," he declared firmly. "I can feel it in my heart. Although everyone says he died before I was born, I met him face to face five years ago... and then he gave me this staff. He promised he'd come back to me someday... but I'm not going to wait for him. I'll find him myself, so he can see the kind of mage I have become..."

_He sucked at keeping those kinds of promises… I'm still here, aren't I?_

Evangeline allowed herself to look as impressed as Chachamaru for a second, but then she chuckled. Why was she bothering to keep the bitterness from her voice? What point was there to playing this show for this, this… sign that she'd lost him to someone else, a long time ago? "Well, at least **you** 've learned more than six spells. If you really want to try it, go for it!"

"Thank you," he said. "Chachamaru-san, will you be joining the class trip?"

"I'm sorry, but I need to stay looking after the Master," she said, denying the offer respectfully.

"I don't need babysitters at this point of my life," Eva growled, crossing her arms. "If you want to go, I won't stop you."

"Thank you very much, but... I really prefer staying by your side, Master."

"Whatever," Evangeline gestured for Negi. "By the way, Boya, let me have one of your hands."

"Huh? Sure," he extended a hand over to her. "Why?"

He had his answer when she grabbed one of his fingers and blew on it, sending goose bumps over his flesh. "I deserve to be paid over my information."

Negi gulped as Eva's sharp teeth pierced his finger's skin, and she started suckling the trickling blood, taking the finger into her mouth in a way suspiciously passionate and heated, sucking it up and down with indecent looking glee. "Mmmm... Somehow, your blood tastes different now... thicker, deeper... much tastier..." she purred between avid suckles.

Negi whimpered as he saw some passerby were giving them odd looks despite Chachamaru's attempts to block their line of sight with her own body.

The worst part of it all was how scarily pleasing it was regardless of the pain. Or maybe even because of it.

* * *

 

**Act 8: Haruhi**

Suzumiya Haruhi took a long, deep sip from her iced tea and made a loud sound of satisfaction. At the other end of the restaurant table, Madoka sat in an uneasy silence, her glass still untouched.

"Can I call you Kugimin? 'Madoka-chan' just sounds too cutesy-Faustian somehow, and 'Kugimiya-san' is just plain lame," Suzumiya-sempai said insolently, in that eternally careless way of hers.

"I'd prefer you didn't..." the cheerleader began.

"Don't be shy, Kugimin! It's a very pretty nickname, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it!" Haruhi laughed. The longer it took, the more Madoka grew convinced she was trying to butter her up, but failing since she wasn't used to it. "Anyway, what are you willing to do for our club, assuming we accept your request to join?"

"What the—? I never asked to join you!" the younger student exclaimed.

"Then why would you be visiting our club, hmmm?"

"Well, I... uh, I was just feeling some... curiosity..."

"That's great! Curiosity is what our club's all about!" She was unfazed. "Tell me, Kugimin, haven't you ever wondered about the great secrets of the universe?"

"You mean like the meaning of life? If you want a philosopher, you should be asking Yue..."

"Not like that!" Haruhi groaned in annoyance. "I mean the great mysteries of the unknown! Think about it! We live surrounded by marvels, yet we can't ever reach them! Our grandparents never had so many wonders they could see and read about! And yet, even in this age, you could spend your whole life without looking at anything supernatural to the face! This is why our S.O.S. Brigade has come into existence! To contact the beings mankind only dreams about, or only can look at from a long distance!" She stood up, tightening a fist. "And that's where you come in, Kugimin! You, and your first hand connections with the unusual!"

"I have connections with the unusual? Since when?" Kugimiya gasped. "Sure, Misa's a bit loose regarding morals, and Sakurako has more luck than anyone should have, but—"

"It's not only them! Your classroom's full of people out of the norm! Take that Chachamaru girl, for instance!"

"Chachamaru? What about her?"

"She's a robot!"

"Nonsense! Robotics aren't that advanced yet!"

"She freakin' FLIES!"

"So? She spends a lot of time around Hakase and Chao. And they invent all sorts of weird jetpacks and rocket boots and stuff..."

"She has LONG METAL EARS!"

"I think they are devices to help her hear better."

"And green hair!"

"So does your friend Tsuruya-san!"

"Well... I have my theories about her too... Regardless, your class is full of weirdoes, and that's why we might consider your humble petition to join our selected cadre!"

"Wait, are you asking me to join, or am I supposed to ask you to join? Also, shouldn't you be asking those weirdoes to join instead of me?"

Haruhi grinned slyly. "Oh, playing hardball in the negotiations, aren't we? I like that in a woman, but you still won't get more than the average package for new members!"

"If you stopped to listen to me, you'd know I'm not—!"Madoka began, but then a giggle coming from another table made her stop in mid sentence. She turned her head around, with Haruhi quickly following her gaze, and saw Haruna sitting at a table at the other end of the restaurant, happily chatting and eating a banana split with a shy looking older boy.

Now that had been an unexpected random twist. She'd have expected her to be under the table eating something else…

* * *

 

**Act 9: Minako**

_**At the Indoor Pool** _

Akira watched with quiet but noticeable curiosity how that Minako girl interacted with the rest of the swimming team as they arrived one after another. Well, she certainly was a lively one. She reminded her a bit of a slightly saner, but rather bubblier Yuuna.

"So you come from England, then? I lived in England for two years!" she reminisced, patting the slender orange haired Sempai on a shoulder. "I even met Artemis there..."

Shirley-sempai nodded while petting the purring Artemis' head, keeping him on her lap. "I used to have a kitty back at home, too!" she said in cheerful but somewhat slow and clumsy Japanese. "His name's Arthur. But I had to leave it with my friend Milly before coming here."

"Where did you study?" Minako asked her.

"Ashford Academy."

"Ashford!" the blonde gasped. "No way! That school's for royalty!"

Shirley laughed it off. "There's not enough royalty left in all Europe to fill a school! It wasn't that different from Mahora, actually. Dad... has a position inside the British government, but that's all. Now Milly, she's an actual, blue blooded noble. Her family founded the Academy, and she's been engaged to a person of the highest ranks at—"

"A Prince?-!" Minako squealed, almost rushing on Shirley like a child high on sugar. "Oh, that's so AWESOME! I'd love if we could have a handsome, noble prince here at Mahora!"  
 _  
Not excessively far away, Negi looked up from the book he was reading through._

"Something wrong?" Chisame asked him as she set her cameras up, ready for another session of Chiu being gorgeous.

"Nothing... For some reason, I just had a feeling someone was calling for me..."

_Somewhere else on campus, Chiba Mamoru frowned. "Suddenly, I get the feeling this is going to be a work day…"_

Back at the pool, the two girls continued chatting while Ami laughed awkwardly, looking at Akira. "Minako-chan has always had no problem making new friends."

"I see," Akira nodded, pondering.

"How's your roommate doing?"

"Ako's health has improved a lot lately. For some reason, she's seemed livelier and more active during the last few months."

"Hmmmm. Glad to hear it," Ami nodded thoughtfully. Her mother had checked on the Izumi girl's state personally a few times, as a favor to Akira. They had found no signs of the actual illness that had claimed Ako's aunt Kanata all those years ago, but still, the girl's health had always been erratic at best. Moreso since her accident...

Then another female voice came from the gates. "Sorry we're late!"

Nyamo-sensei was coming in with an apologetic smile, followed by a tall, beautiful girl on the brink of adulthood, whom Minako thought had to be the so-beloved Ichinose-sempai. Aino was truly taken aback by her mature, sophisticated attractiveness for a few moments, so much she failed to notice how Artemis had tensed up in Shirley's lap, narrowing his eyes nearly to slits, his small nose twitching.

* * *

 

**Act 10: Hakase.**

"Satomi-chan?" Sakurako asked with a bit of apprehension as she arrived to the rendezvous place. "I came as soon as I got your message. Sorry if I'm late..."

Hakase sighed as she shook her head, looking aside with discomfort. "No, I just got here myself. Thanks for coming. This... is not something we could talk about over the phone."

The cheerleader felt a sting of danger at the back of her head, while noticing the shame on Hakase's face, and her reluctance to look straight at her. "I see... Any reason in particular why you chose this place...? It's not very..." she cut herself in mid-sentence before finishing with the 'romantic' word. She felt it wouldn't do just then.

"Well, the swim team have finished practicing for the term, as I understand it, and without them here, the... curious boys and Honsho-sempai won't be around either," the scientist said, fully ignorant of the meeting taking place inside of the building. They were behind it, with absolutely no one else in sight anywhere. We are _also_ not going to make any effort to hide _this_ will somehow end badly.

Shiina sighed sadly, for once not wanting to spend time on chatter or attempts at small talk. "You want to tell me we're over, don't you?"

Hakase cringed, feeling the guilt biting cruelly all over her. "You... You knew it from the start! I told you back then, at the Christmas party. You're special for me, but..."

"Yes. I know."

Satomi bit her lower lip. Oh, if only there could be formulas and equations to solve this kind of problem...

_Somewhere, on a distant, dark planet, Darkseid nearly sneezed as he did his daily brood-ups, pondering the Anti-Life Equation…_

"I'm sorry," she said. "But it should be for the best to interrupt this before it gets more serious."

"I want to know..." Sakurako's voice trembled, "Why now? What happened that made you decide this? It was because of the Valentines thing, right? I knew I never should have done something so stupid...!"

"No! No! I already told you, that didn't bother me! It was just... well..."

She paused, unable to continue, but then she looked at Sakurako's sad, expectant–but not demanding– face.

"Sorry. You deserve knowing the truth," Satomi relented. "Chisame and I kissed."

The cheerleader blinked. "You did?"

"Yes. And it was... so brief, but so wonderful. Like solving an equation that has been bugging you for five years, or that moment when your creation comes to life, making you all but a god! A GOD!-!-!-!-!...Ahem. S-Sorry. Got carried away for a moment... Your kisses, your warmth, were great as well, but while I kissed her... I realized I never wanted to leave her side. And Negi-sensei's as well. I know that's hideous, and it makes me a horrible person of decadent habits who does not belong in society, but... but..."

"Don't beat yourself up over it..." Sakurako sighed, sitting down on the grass, wiping a furtive tear from the corner of an eye. "I like Negi-kun, too. Then again, who doesn't..."

"Asuna doesn't."

"That's different. Asuna-chan has... her own brand of tastes."

"Neither does Madoka."

"She does. I've seen the photos under her pillow. She's just in denial." She felt tempted to say Madoka also had photos of someone else in there, to make Satomi feel better about her supposed uniqueness, but then decided she already had betrayed enough of her secrets as it were.

"Or Zazie-san..."

"You sure? With her, it's impossible to say..."

"Right. Well, what about Satsuki-san..."

"Sat-chan loves everyone," Sakurako mused with deep sadness. "If this were a manga, people would be spreading memes about how 'Sat-chan is love'…"

Hakase sat down next to her, caressing her left shoulder. "I'm terribly sorry. But I'm not sure my feelings for them are simple 'liking'..."

"How about their feelings for you? Do they return them?"

"..." she looked down at her feet.

"Satomi-chan, you can't keep on pursuing a relationship with someone who doesn't love you that way..." Shiina said, the irony of her statement blissfully flying over her head.

"Of course I can! I've devoted my whole life to Science, who can't love me back! It doesn't make her any less beautiful, either!" she protested.

Sakurako ran a hand over her own face. "Satomi-chan, will you please stop anthropomorphizing your fields of study? It's a bit, how do you call it…? Demeaning for us real human beings."

"Forgive me," she said sheepishly.

"Never mind. What did Chisame say about the kiss?"

"She didn't get angry, but she told me it shouldn't happen again."

"And what does Negi-kun think of it?"

"He doesn't know it yet."

"Then, don't you think you'd better move on with someone who could actually love you back that way?"

She scratched the back of her neck. "That makes solid theoretical sense, I suppose, but somehow, I cannot feel myself compelled to attempt it..."

Sakurako leaned ahead and placed a peck on her shiny forehead. "Please. Don't give up on us yet."

Tentatively, after a moment of hesitation sweetened by the scent of temptation (or maybe it was just Sakurako's perfume), Satomi leaned ahead as well and briefly kissed her right cheek. "I feel so... conflicted. Like I'm betraying my heart, and my loved ones, no matter what..."

"I'm sure we can think of a solution. After all, you're a genius," Sakurako grew adventurous, now landing a mischievous kiss on her lips. It tasted spicy.

"Ah-hah..." Satomi rasped, too overcome by the sensations of the moment to think too clearly. "I believe Ihave heard of a term that might hold a solution for our current troubles..."

At the same time, at Library Island, Yue and Nodoka had taken a breather from the physically exhausting task of categorizing encyclopedias and had started playing trivia games.

Yue looked at the question card she had just pulled out. "Oh, Haruna would know this for sure. I wonder what's taking her so long? 'What's the term for the marital arrangement where two consorts agree on taking on at least one third person as a lover to one or both of them?'"

Nodoka's face went bright red, but she still said, without losing a single moment, "Sai-shou-dou-kin!-?"

Yue looked coolly at her face. "You didn't waste time on coming up with it, did you?"

"I-I-I was just reading a book on old Japanese traditions yesterday..."

"Hmmmm," Yue nodded, shuffling the question cards again. _Oh God, she sounded so hot when she said that..._

Nodoka tried to regain her embarrassed breath. _Oh my God, she sounded so... hot... while asking that..._

* * *

 

**Act 11: Haruna again.**

Rito watched, with red cheeks and huge blank eyes, how Haruna ate her banana split. He was quite sure that wasn't the right way to do it, and he had the growing-by-the-moment ill feeling she was doing it to tease him, and his conscience kept yelling at him that was B-A-D, but even so, he couldn't take his eyes off from her.

The other customers also had started noticing her... peculiar style of eating, staring with varying degrees of discretion and bewilderment. Ignoring them, or maybe, just maybe, pretending to ignore them while basking in their scandalized faces, Haruna paused, sensually licking the thin moustache of ice cream off her upper lip, and smiled at the boy. Her face, still covered with a few milky ice-cream stains, looked for all the world like she just– no, BAD LINE OF THOUGHT, BAD LINE OF THOUGHT!"What's the problem, Rito-kun? You've barely touched yours. It's going to melt soon..."

"S-S-Sorry!" he eeped, digging into it with a trembling hand and spoon. "S-So, um... It's all right for us to be here right now? D-Don't you have a club meeting right now?"

Saotome shrugged, waving her spoon around for emphasis. "Yuecchi and Nodoka can handle it themselves. I can't be babysitting them all the time."

"All right," Rito said hesitantly..

Haruna took another calculated mouthful of banana. People all across the room gulped. "So, you want to be my boyfriend, don't you, Rito-kun?"

"I-I-I haven't said that!" he gasped.

Haruna's gaze went just a wee bit jaded. "Oh, Rito-kun, please. Don't insult my intelligence."

"I... I didn't pretend that, either!" He grew even more scared.

"Geez, you're a real sack of nerves! You reallyneed a good woman to straighten you out!" she told him. "Relax! The absolute worst thing that could happen is I'd reject you! It wouldn't be the end of the world!"

"I-I-I knew it! You're going to reject me!" he lamented.

"I HAVEN'T SAID THAT YET!" Haruna shouted, losing her cool for once. For crying out loud, was he related to Itoshiki-sensei or something?

_Somewhere, Itoshiki Nozomu looked up. "I sense yet another joke at my expense…I'M IN DESPAIR! MY LACK OF PLOT RELEVANCE THIS CHAPTER HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"_

From their new hiding and watching place behind a column, Madoka snorted, keeping her voice as low as she could. "No, the worst thing that could happen to him would be her acceptance..."

Haruhi-sempai bit her lower lip, entranced by the sight of Haruna's eating. Madoka noticed Suzumiya's hands were hovering dangerously close to her crotch, and it seemed it was taking her a lot of effort to restrain herself from beginning an intense self-touching session. It creeped Kugimiya out to no end. "I like that girl already... She's the mangaka, isn't she? We could use her for a SOS Brigade manga..."

Madoka cringed inwardly, dreading the kind of product such an unholy union might spawn. "M-Maybe we should just leave..."

A tall, spindly girl with long reddish hair, wearing a waitress uniform, approached them. "Girls? Excuse me, but are you going to order something else? Not to be rude, but my bosses have a new 'No eating, no stalking' policy...'"

She sheepishly pointed at a nearby sign with those exact same words on it, and also displaying a photo of Tsunetsuki Matoi with 'NOT ALLOWED HERE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES' written under it. A smaller picture showing the grim-faced, rather handsome in a generic way features of Sagara Sousuke was underneath that, with his own letters reading 'NOT ALLOWED WITHIN TEN YARDS OF PREMISES DUE TO RESTRAINING ORDER. PERSON TO KICK HIS ASS IF THIS IS VIOLATED WILL RECEIVE A WEEK'S FREE FOOD. MANAGEMENT IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY INJURIES SUSTAINED IN PURSUIT OF THIS'.

Haruhi hushed her, pushing a few coins into her hands and whispering angrily, "Not now, Unazuki-chan! Bring us some candy bars and don't be a bother, okay?"

Furuhata Unazuki sighed while walking away for the Snickers bars. Her brother Motoki had the right idea when he moved away to study at Juuban. She'd have to see if she could get herself a spot there next year.

Idly, she also wondered why all those weirdoes couldn't just stay at the Chao Bao Zi.

* * *

 

**Interlude: Madoka again.**

Madoka mumbled as she followed Haruhi-sempai down the street. "This is stupid. Shouldn't be talking about that membership you offered me?"

"Very eager to join, aren't you?" the older girl chuckled creepily, never looking back as she rubbed her hands. "Later, later! Right now, I'm more interested on knowing what your friend's up to!"

"I'm not eager to join, and she isn't my friend!" Madoka hissed. "Only my classmate! Anyway, what's so interesting for you about that? It's... only a date! I thought you weren't interested on anything not related to the supernatural, super heroes or Sci Fi!"

"Who's to say they don't have anything to do with that either?" Suzumiya asked cryptically. "My intuition's telling me that guy has all the signs of an alien contactee. Ever heard the rumors about the Tomobiki incidents sixteen years ago? It happens all the time; wimpy looking losers like that get involved with local girls, then they get engaged to alien princesses, dragging their whole circles of acquaintances into madcap intergalactic adventures..."

_Somewhere, Negi and Asuna both sneezed…_

"That's plainly absurd..." Kugimiya grumbled. Luckily, Haruna and her companion seemed completely unaware of them, walking far ahead. Haruna seemed intent on making cheerful small talk with him, while he only replied with star-struck monosyllables and dumb nods.

Madoka hated to admit it, but she felt fairly sure even Haruna deserved a better man than that.

* * *

 

**Act 12: Akira again.**

Minako watched on with star-struck fascination as Ichinose Tamao-sempai chattered with her teacher and club mates, after greeting her in the most charming fashion imaginable. Damn it, why had she never thought of joining the swimming team? Now the chance of being friends with such a wonderful, sociable and commanding person would be lost forever...

Artemis, on the other hand, just sat on her lap with as much of a gloomy expression as a cat could make. She didn't pay him any attention, but he seemed to be uneasy and on the edge about something.

Really, not even going to pretend.

The small farewell party was simply lovely. Minako had always believed all kinds of parties should be as big and loud as possible, but this one had its charm, too. She even could almost forgive the fact there were no boys. Almost.

However, she eventually noticed that Akira girl wasn't putting too much of her heart into it.

"Something troubling you?" Minako discreetly asked her.

"Huh? Oh, no, not actually. It's just..." she lowered her voice, "I don't know, it's something about Ichinose-senpai. It's almost as if there's something... _off_ about her." She rubbed her forehead and shook her head. "No, forget it. I'm just saying nonsense now."

See five paragraphs up. Not even.

The blonde patted her on a shoulder. "It's her last day with you! No doubt she's feeling down, but she's trying to keep a happy face for your sakes. That must be why she feels different to you."

Akira nodded with an apologetic smile. "Yes. You're right. I should be trying to feel happy for her..."

"Oh, yeah, definitely! Toudai's so full of rich, handsome guys, or so I've heard...!" Minako swooned. "If so many rumors say so, it can't be untrue!"

Akira couldn't help giggling at the antics of Ami's quirky friend.

"Girls. Sensei..." Ichinose-sempai finally mused with a placid, yet melancholic smile, walking apart from the group and standing at the pool's edge, with her back turned towards them. She looked down at the quiet waters, crossing her arms. "I'll never forget the time we spent together. Please, come closer. There's something very important I must tell you..."

"What is it, Dear?" the teacher asked as she approached, the rest of the Swimming Team trailing shortly after. Minako and Artemis hung back down respectfully.

"For so long..." Ichinose's teeth clenched, her face suddenly straining as she extended an arm ahead. "For so long, I've been with you..."

Then Minako felt it too. Like a punch in the stomach, burning all the way up to her brain, telling her something was horribly wrong.

"Day after day, week after week, until the weeks became months, and the months were years..." Her voice was now literally sizzling, as her face became even more strained to a suddenly disturbing degree, making Akira to take an instinctive step back, and Shirley to cringe. " **Enduring** you, your inanities, your disgusting dry smells, your awful body warmth..."

"Sempai...?" Ami's own instincts, sharpened over the dozens of kidnappings and life threatening situations that somehow naturally come with being a Sailor Senshi's best friend, honed over several filler episode before this that we won't bother showing you because it's not important and anyway you can already guess that's on them, finally kicked in. "What are you saying...?"

"Mammals," the taller girl spat out with disgust. There was something in her extended hand. She was crushing it between her fingers, reducing it to fine orange powder that fell into the pool. "Slow, clumsy, hideous land dwelling **monsters**..."

"LOOK OUT!" Aino cried out, just as her cat bit on her left ankle, trying to force her way back. "SHE'S GOT TANG!"

And then the water boiled up and bubbled, making strange, spasmic noises as it rose up as a seemingly gelatinous, vaguely Tang-like being before splitting into several misshaped things.

Ichinose-sempai grinned, her mouth flashing several sudden rows of sharp, long fangs reminiscing of a shark's teeth. "But now, it's all worth it. I know for sure one of you has the Star Seed!"

"Oh my God!" Ami stepped back as well, far too many unpleasant flashbacks of said filler episodes not told in this fanfic coming back to haunt her. Behind her, Shirley had let out a long shriek. Nyamo-sensei just stared flabbergasted, wondering if Yukari had slipped something into her drink again. Akira stood back in silent, terrified awe.

"Minako!" the cat whispered a single urgent word to his owner.

She looked down, determination coming back to her after the initial stupor, and nodded only once, quoting another blonde girl fighting a lonely war against the forces of evil using shape-changing powers given to her by a four-legged furry thing.

_"Let's do it!"_

* * *

 

**Act 13: Madoka and Haruhi.**

"I love fish," Haruna smiled as she looked at the giant tank before them, drinking in the sight of the colorful schools swimming in it. "They are so beautiful, like artistic masterpieces of nature... they're like the breasts of the sea!"

_Mahora Municipal Aquarium._

Rito watched on, silently enjoying the pleased expression on her face. Now that was why he liked her. She was always so full of wonder and excitement over everything, never looking down or miserable. So unlike himself...

"So, um, do you have a fish tank at home...?" he asked awkwardly.

"Oh, of course not! They're pretty, but also a bother to look after," she said. "How about you?"

"I... I'm better at looking after plants, actually..." he confessed.

"Oh, that's cool too. And your class is...?"

"H-High School Class 1-A, Ma'am!" he stiffly said, as if saluting a superior demanding for an explanation. "Moving up to 2-A this year!"

Haruna chuckled in amusement. "There you go again, jumping up like a scared cat! Rito-kun, I told you, I'm not going to bite you... Unless you want me to..."

The boy grew red again, backing away in panic. Haruna actually 'hmphed' at that. "You sure you don't want me only to convince yourself you aren't gay?"

"O-OF COURSE I'M NOT!"

"Not like there's anything wrong with that! Many of my best friends are gay. Well, most of them aren't actually my friends, just my models for Yaoi manga, but still, that counts, right? There's this modeling group called the Straw Hats…"

"I'm not gay!" he waved his hands around, then shrunk down after noticing a few passersby were giving him odd looks.

"Okay, you aren't. Sorry," Haruna said. "Do you think there's something wrong with being gay?"

"Ah? Eh? No, of course not!" Rito gasped.

"And bisexual?"

"Bi... se—?-?" Rito couldn't finish the word, sweating cold.

"Because I am," she casually said. "Well, I consider myself one anyway. I haven't sealed the deal with anyone yet, but... Hey, you feeling okay? Need some fresh air? All of a sudden, you look like you're dying there..."

Rito let out several incoherent whimpers.

Several halls away, Suzumiya Haruhi stared in fascination at the gigantic tank holding several large American trout. Their heads were stark white, and their mouths were grotesquely stretched into something that resembled a mockery of a human grin.

"I had read a lot about this!" she gushed with perverse fascination. "Ever heard about the 'Laughing Fish' incident at Gotham three years ago? Even now, all fish born in those waters have faces like these... Wicked cool, huh?"

"I think it's sickening," Madoka, instead, looked at another tank, labeled _Hydrochelonius Pararakelsins_. Several turtles swam across it, and whenever they surfaced up, she could hear their long, high pitched meowing sounds. She didn't know turtles could ever meow. "Not that I'm complaining, but why aren't we following Haruna anymore? We chased them all the way here, after all. She can't be far; we only lost sight of them for a few—"

Haruhi interrupted her, waving a hand as they passed a tank labeled _Spongius Bobus Crapins_. "This investigation must be performed in stages! We were getting too close; they'd have found us out soon enough. And this is even more interesting..." her eyes grew bright while staring and staring at the grinning fishes. The glamorous world of American supervillainy had always mesmerized her. "But if you really want to stay on that topic, don't you think maybe it's more likely they are fish people instead of aliens? They came here, after all, and who the Hell goes to an aquarium of their own will?"

"What's wrong about it?" Kugimiya was truly exasperated. "It's a perfectly normal dating place! And fish people? That's even more absurd than the aliens!"

"Superman is an alien," Haruhi pointed out.

"Bull. Everyone knows he's really the result of an American super solder pro—" Madoka stopped herself in mid sentence, shuddering. She was starting to sound like **her**!

"Alien!" Haruhi insisted. "As for the fish people, there are precedents! DuringWorld War Two, there were several confirmed sightings of a violent oceanic humanoid calling himself Prince Namor of Atlantis!"

"Atlantis. Yeah, sure, and I'm the princess of the Greek Amazons," Madoka muttered.

_Somewhere, Diana, the Greek Princess of the Amazons, sneezed. The ritual orgy in the name of Aphrodite was paused to get her a tissue, and then continued…_

"Sheesh, you're so dense," Haruhi began walking to the exit. "Just for that, you'll start at the very bottom at the S.O.S. Brigade! Until we teach you how to improve that negative attitude!"

"Hey, I haven't said I'll join!" the younger girl dashed after her.

"See? You're being negative again! You're even worse than Kyon!"

Madoka groaned, thinking Misa didn't seem so crazy now.

She also wondered exactly why she hadn't violently parted ways with the insane Sempai yet.

And yet, she kept on following her until they returned to the Academy.

* * *

 

**Interlude: Ichinose Tamao.**

"The hardest part about locating a true Senshi Star Seed is," Ichinose began, calmly and business-like now, as the water monsters began sprouting out of the pool, quickly snagging the girls' bodies and making them to scream, "their power is so intense, their light is so bright, it's very difficult to locate them. You can pinpoint the general area they are at easily enough, but it's such a long range power, it could be inside into any of you, just blanketing the whole area most of you frequent."

"Sempai...!" Shirley Fenette struggled, the water blobs tightening around her body, holding her up higher. The water began to get hotter, much hotter, even corrosive, beginning to burn through her clothes. "P-Please don't do this! I don't know why are you saying all that, but—"

"Of course you don't," Ichinose sneered, as her lower body began to shift and change, her legs melding fast into a long and thick monstrous tail reminiscing that of a fish. Her mouth expanded, morphing into jaws armed with huge fangs. "You, pathetic, sad creature, unwitting ape, couldn't ever understand the pain your race has inflicted upon mine. We are all but extinct now, we, who once were the masters of all oceans. All due to you! But once we're done with our task, you'll never be able to stake a claim on this planet again!"

"I don't get it..." Nyamo-sensei squirmed, trying to pull her arms down to cover her now almost fully exposed chest, but failing to resist the blob monster's shockingly solid (for a liquid creature) grip. "Are you a mutant? An alien? A—"

"Mermaid..." the upperclasswoman hissed, her tongue snaking out, running over her teeth. "You should know many 'myths' are indeed true, Sensei, even if not the way your fairy tales have told you. Once, we, those you would call 'monsters', ruled over a better, pure Earth. Until the age of man eliminated us, one by one, just because we were different. You preyed on us, so it's just fair now we prey on you. Lord Jadeite was right. It just feels... right. But enough talking. Let's see if you're the one who—"

Then she made a pause, looking at the snared girls and noticing one of them was missing. "Where's your bimbo blond friend?"

No one said nothing, but a few grunts of pain and a few muttered curses.

The mermaid slithered over to Ami and yanked on her hair. "She's your friend! Tell me, where did she go?-!"

"Don't touch her!" Akira yelled at her, her usually placid face replaced by a furious grimace. "You may pretend we're the monsters, but you're the one behaving like one!"

Ichinose snarled, reaching over to squeeze her cheeks, hard. "Silence. Silence, if you aren't going to say anything useful!" She gestured for one of the monsters that were not holding any girl at the moment. "My dear Orphan, scan the area and strike that idiot down before she alerts anyone! Now!"

With an unintelligible sound, the thing slithered away, out of the building, as if following a trail.

Ichinose smiled. "Interesting. It seems it found a nearby large source of magical power. Maybe I underestimated your stupid friend, Ami-chan. And if she really has magical powers, or even a Senshi Star Seed..."

She made her way back to Mizuno even as Akira defiantly yelled at her to stop, to strike at her instead if she wanted to.

"... It stands to reason you're the best candidate for the girl I'm looking for!"

Then she pushed an arm ahead, slamming her hand against Ami's chest.

* * *

 

**Act 14: Haruna and Rito.**

Haruna and Rito were now sitting on the swings of a small, solitary children's playground, silently watching the sun setting down.

The boy sulked moodily, while she had on a mostly neutral expression. Finally, she said, "Feeling better now?"

"Y-Yeah!" he replied. "Thanks..."

"Look, I'm sorry if I disappointed you," she said. "But you had the right to know right off the bat. Like I told you, it's not like I'm ashamed of it! But you seem to be a... traditional boy, so... I don't think it'd really work between us," she whispered.

"I understand.."

"Sorry about teasing you before. I shouldn't have given you those hopes. I wasn't really thinking about it."

"No, never mind. Just... forget it."

She grabbed his hand before he could stand up. "Rito-kun. It's not you. Believe me, if you could be happy with... someone like me, I'd have accepted being your girlfriend in a heartbeat."

"For real?"

"Yeah! You're cute, and you truly seem to care. You know what I don't like? That kind of guys who go bragging about how macho and tough they are, and they only stare at your breasts while you are talking to them. True, you looked at my breasts all the time too, but you weren't that shameless about it, and really, who can blame you?"

"I... I didn't—!-!-!"

She glared at him. "I don't like being lied to either, Rito-kun."

"S-Sorry!"

She regained her good mood just as quick. "Don't mind. Like I said, I understand! I can appreciate a good pair of boobs, too!"

Rito had to laugh, even if weakly. "Y-You say the most daring things...!"

She shrugged. "I think everyone should always say what's on their minds. I don't like secrets or lies." She swung around twice. "Maybe I'm a wee bit too frank, but I'd prefer people to like me for what I truly am."

Bashfully, he lowered his head and nodded, feeling he had to say something. "F-For the record, I still... lo-like you."

She stopped, and smiled at him. It was sweet in a way. "No joke? Even after what I said?"

"Yeah! Th-That doesn't change the kind of person you are, right? Just... the kind of people you like."

"I suppose that's one way of putting it, yeah."

"Saotome-san..."

"Call me Haruna-chan. What is it?"

"Is there... someone else in particular you like? I mean, beyond th-the basic boundaries of 'girls and boys'?"

"Yes. Yes, there is. I think I may be falling in love with Negi-sensei. I also love Yuecchi and Nodo-chan. And ever since Valentine's Day, I can't help but thinking Chisame-chan is hella sexy..."

The boy made an involuntary grimace of shock. "And... and... which one would you choose if you had to?"

"I'd prefer not having to choose."

"H-Haruna-san!"

"It's Haruna-chan to you! And I know, everyone think it's dirty, but why do we always have to choose a single person to spend our lives with? When you have siblings, aren't you expected to love all of them equally, and aren't you expected to love both your parents all the same? A teacher is required not to have any favorites, and a prime minister not have any favorite regions! And yet, when you have romantic feelings for two people at once, everyone demands you to pick one and forget all about the other one! That's not what love is! Love is not about forgetting your loved ones just because there's someone else!"

"W-Well, I only have one sister, so I wouldn't know about favorite siblings..." he babbled, his brain trying to cope by attending to a side detail. "No, but wait, you can love several people at once. It's just you should love only one **that** way..."

She glared at him. "Rito-kun."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Why is that?"

"Because it's that way! Otherwise, you're just leading two people around! That's cheating!"

"Is it cheating if everyone knows what are they getting into?"

"I... I suppose technically it isn't, but..."

"But no one is ever willing to put up with that. Heck, enforced monogamy is really just a derived byproduct of state-recognized unions because they don't want people to abuse the tax exceptions granted to a married individual! Hell, even the term 'cheating' has to do with taxes!" She sighed, looking down. For once, she stopped smiling. "I know that maybe I'll die an old maid because no one will take me up on my offers. But if it's so... so be it!" Again, she sighed, lifting her head back up and forcing herself to smile. "But at least, I'll be honest with my feelings. Dad always says you should play for everything or nothing. I don't want to half-live my life."

"I'm sure you'll find someone who is willing to have you and two or three other pretty girls at once, someday..." he tried to laugh to make her feel better, despite the knife he felt sinking red hot into his heart.

"Thank you. That's very kind. I hope you find the actually good, sensible girl you need, too..."

"Don't say that! You're good and sensible, too! It's just you're... different..."

She blinked. "You're the first person ever to say that." A beat. "You're a horrible judge of character!"

"Am not!"

She was about to protest, but then groaned and shook her head. "Please go. Before I really, really like you, too."

"Haruna-san...?"

"And before I start having these thoughts about you with Sensei and Yuecchi and Nodoka and me, and... AHHH, IT'S STARTING! Ooooh, that's a damn good mental image...! I could use it for a doujin!"

Rito's face twitched. "Haruna, you're scaring me!"

Slowly, Haruna grinned, a small glint in her eyes. "Rito-kun..."

"Yes?"

"You still haven't gone, have you?"

"Ummm, no... Should I...?"

"Why haven't you gone? Maybe you like hearing me talking about how bi I am, and about my hot friends?"

"Of course not! I was just trying to make you feel better about it!"

She didn't relent. "But you still like me, don't you? You told me so!"

"What does that gotta with...? You were the one saying it wouldn't work!"

"I know! I'm just frustrated it can't work!"

Rito cringed. Women could be so damn scary at times...

"I'd like you to be my boyfriend..." she said.

Rito went stark white from head to toes.

"But I know you can't accept my kinks, and I shouldn't force them on you. You're too nice a guy for that," she said. "So please go. Before you make me like you any more."

"But—"

"DAMMIT, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH RESTRAINT IS THIS TAKING FROM ME? Just so I don't hurt your feelings? I don't _**DO**_ restraint! I totally suck at it!"

But he didn't move away. "Haruna..."

"I'm warning you," she hissed. "If you don't go away in five seconds, I'll take it as a sign you're just bullshitting me with that 'I'm a monogamous traditional guy who can't have a girlfriend willing to have sex with lots of other girls with me' attitude, and you wouldn't mind sharing me over losing me..."

"Y-YOU CAN'T MAKE THOSE KINDS OF DEMANDS ON PEOPLE!"

"Five..."

He found, to his horror, that his feet still wouldn't move. "THINK OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

"Three..."

"WH-WHAT HAPPENED TO FOUR?-!"

"That's an unlucky number. Two..."

"I'M NOT READY YET TO MAKE THAT KIND OF DECISION!"

"One..."

"SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"Zero." She flashed a winning, perverse grin, and then jumped up to wrap him in a tight embrace, pulling him against her body, and landing a fierce, needful, demanding kiss on his lips.

* * *

 

**Act 15: Hakase and Sakurako.**

Sakurako smiled as brightly as a Spring morning as she walked hand in hand with Hakase, strolling through the deserted campus at sunset. She was feeling really good... lucky, even... again. As for the other girl, while she still had her doubts, she also tried to tell herself that it was for the best.

Chisame would understand. She would even prefer it that way. Sakurako was right, it made no sense to pursue a relationship that could not be fully reciprocated was just an overly-romantic, lousy idea.

After all, she didn't _do_ romantic!

And yet...

"Satomi-chan..."

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking... If we're really going to be serious about this... Maybe we should try learning more about each other's interests a bit more. I mean, liking the taste of each other's lips is great, but we can't build a relationship based only on that..."

"I suppose you are right. Actually, I'd like to try karaoke again. I think I'd feel more at ease with it now," Hakase mused vaguely.

Sakurako's eyes shone. "Oh, yes! That'd be great! And I can start getting into that astrophysics thing, too!"

"Actually, my interests lean more towards aerodynamics and robotics," Satomi confessed.

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Hm, no."

"Oops! Dumb me!" Sakurako bumped a fist on her own head, giggling. "Guess I'll have to start from scratch, huh?"

"You don't need to force yourself into a particular field of studies," Hakase pondered. "Although you once told me you like cats, didn't you? Perhaps you could be interested on Zoology..."

"Is that the study of animals? Oh, yes! I like animals of all kinds! Except the icky, slimy ones, that is. Never could stand those..."

Then something made a strange whooshing sound as it passed through the nearby bushes.

"What was that?" Shiina stopped abruptly.

"What what?" Hakase, always the clueless one, blinked several times.

Sakurako hugged her right arm, focusing her now dubious eyes on the concealing plants. "I think I saw something moving there... Something big and—"

Then it jumped out, tackling her and violently pushing her down and away from Hakase. "SAKURAKO!" the other girl cried.

"Aiiiieeee!" the cheerleader screamed as the... amorphous watery thing pushed her against a tree trunk, immobilizing her in a second and starting to burn through her clothes, feeling like scalding water all over her skin. "Satomi-chan!"

The first thought that passed through Hakase's mind was the Biology team really had to be more careful with their experiments.

Then she remembered that no, that creature didn't match any of their test subjects. Instead, it perhaps was one of those 'Orphan' beings Negi-sensei and Chisame had warned her about. Apparently, they randomly attacked students at solitary and distant areas. How could she have forgotten it? Well, she had to admit it herself, she had quite a bad memory. Regardless, maybe she could capture that creature alive and study on it? It seemed mineral, but it acted like a rabid animal. If she could learn its secrets, that'd teach those Biology upperclassmen one thing or two!

A smile slowly made its way up her lips...

"SATOMI-CHAN!"

Wait, there was no time for basking in projects and future glories. Sakurako was in danger! And her bra was showing... disappearing now…Why, she had quite perky breasts... Maybe it'd pay to visit the domrmitory baths more often, to see if...

"SATOMI-CHAN!"

"Hold on, Sakurako! I'll save you!" Heroically, Hakase pushed a hand into her omnipresent open lab coat and looked for... "Wait, where's the ray gun? Oh, yeah, I remember. Shizuna-sensei—"

_One Week Before:_

_"And so, until you get a license for it, we're taking this away, young lady! I'm sorry, but it's necessary at this point!"_

_"But no one even lost any limbs or vital organs!"_

Hakase pouted. "Maaaaa, some people just doesn't understand the needs of advanced in-site research..."

"SAAAATOMI-CHAAAAAAN!"

Poor Shiina was down to her shoes, socks and panties, and while Hakase might have appreciated the sight under other circumstances, the distress– not quite fear yet– in her sorta-quasi-semi-girlfriend's face was not only a complete libido-killer (okay, not a _complete_ libido killer, because it was certainly very hot and sexy and had one of the least rational parts of her crying in joy as some of her night-time dream scenarios, the ones that seemed Haruna and Chamo approved. Were being fulfilled right in front of her, now if they could just get rid of the slime monster so they could re-enact the rest of those dreams…), but also something that finally could spur her into action.

Not even Chachamaru could arrive in time, and all her usual personal arms had been confiscated. Oh, if only she had magical powers and an Artifact like Chisame or Negi-sen—

Oh. Wait.

Hakase drew in a deep breath, pulling out the Pactio card.

 _I'm sorry, Negi-sensei... and Chisame-chan_ , she solemnly thought. _But historical and literary precedent says that rescuing a maiden from a monster dramatically increases the probability of vigorous, possibility erotic, thanks. And I'm realizing I'm only human. I_ _ **WILL**_ _get lucky! And no one is luckier than Sakurako-chan!_

Holding it up, she spoke loud and clear, with renewed determination.

_**"Adeat!"** _

* * *

 

**Act 16: Ayaka and Siesta.**

_The main kitchen of the Yukihiro Manor:_

Siesta stared in utter horror at the bottle she had just unwrapped. She read the label again just to be sure, and then gasped aloud, her face pale. Though the intense blush on her cheeks provided an interesting contrast. It had to be a mistake. That wasn't the "Be Lucky for a Day" potion, it was the "Make Everyone Fall in Lust with you for a Day" one.

Okay, so looking at it from a certain angle, it was _**also**_ a "Be Lucky for a Day" potion. But definitely not the one she had been hoping for.

Her eyes became swirls as she tried to make sense of it. Was Lady Sevensheep trying to tell her the mistress needed to get laid? No, Lady Sevensheep would never imply such a rude thing, even if Siesta, at times, believed it was completely true. Surely there had been a mix-up at the delivery, or at Urahara-sama's shop. Yes, that had to be it.

All she had to do was hide the bottle, then return it the next day...

Or maybe drink it, then find a way to be alone with Saito-kun all day long...

Then she felt someone standing right behind her. "Siesta-san?"

"KYAH!" the maid shrieked, almost dropping the bottle. She spun around to find herself face to face with Ayaka. "O-O-Ojou-sama! Whu-What can I do for you?"

"I only came to see if dinner was ready," Ayaka said, seemingly still in a bad mood. "Where's everyone else?"

"Uh, Fubuki-san, Roberta and Fabiola said they had detected movements near the Northern side and just went out to check it out. They should be back shortly. Taeko-chan is still at her college classes..." she fidgeted, her fingers absently tapping on the bottle. "I-I'll have your dinner ready right now, Ojou-sama."

"Oh, very well," the millionaire approved. "Siesta-san, what does that bottle hold?"

"Ah? This?" she meeped helplessly.

"Yes, obviously," the rich young girl eyed the label, then frowned when Siesta turned it around. "Siesta-san, why won't you allow me read it?"

"M-M-Me? I... I'd never dream of prohibiting you anything, Ojou-sama!"

"Good. Then let me see that label," she said evenly.

"But... But it's in my homeland's language. You won't understand..."

Ayaka looked at her now sweating face, feeling a hint of distrust for her for the first time ever. "It doesn't matter. I still would like to see it."

Siesta repressed her urges to whimper as she held up the bottle. Ayaka took it into her own hands and read the label. She was a well read and learned person, and she was no stranger to foreign languages. The writing on that bottle seemed to be a heavily bastardized Latin, with overly stylistic font.

"'Love... Paradise...'?" she guessed. "Get... You... True Love... or... Rational?... no, no, 'Reasonable'... Facsimile?"

She shot Siesta an annoyed glare. "What manner of joke is this?"

"I-It's no joke, Ojou-sama! It's just... something an... old friend of mine sent me from home! B-B-But I was expecting something else!"

Ayaka eyed the bottle again, scowling. "Some sort of supposed love potion? Siesta-san, I know you come from a humble rural background, but you shouldn't believe in superstitions like this! Trying to gain Hiraga-san's heart through this underhanded way isn't something a lady should do!"

The maid grew terrified. "TH-THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION!"

Ayaka huffed, handing her the bottle back. "The only thing you could get from this is a stomach ache. Tell whoever sent it to stop sending this junk to my house."

"Y-Yes, of course, Ojou-sama!"

The blonde huffed, then thought of something. "On second thought, give it to me. I will dispose of it properly."

"N-NO! I mean, I promise I'll throw it away!" the maid quickly uncorked it, then began to spill the liquid down the drain. "See? I'm already doing it!"

"S-Stop!" Ayaka gasped, pulling the bottle back before its whole contents were wasted. Then she blushed and rasped, attempting to look dignified again. "What I mean is, uh, you should save it and send it back to that person. It'd be rude to... ahh... just dispose of it like that. Keep it in your room, then mail it back tomorrow, okay?"

"O-Okay..."

"Good!" Ayaka smiled.

Siesta smiled back. "But if you want it to win Negi-sensei's heart, you can keep it! Just let me advice you on its use..."

"D-DON'T SAY SUCH NONSENSE! I'D NEVER DO SUCH A THING!"

"Extremely sorry here, Ojou-sama! Extremely sorry!-!"

Ayaka calmed back down. "By the way, Siesta-san..."

"Yes...?"

"Come to think about it, you've never told me your exact place of birth, have you? I know Father hired you at Europe, but they don't talk in Latin anywhere anymore, much less such a broken, sorry Latin..."

"Th-That wasn't my language, actually! Just... Just pretentious writing they put on the bottle, no doubt! You know how bootlegs can get..."

"I've never used anything bootleg in my life, so no, I don't."

"Ah, right. Forgive me. Anyway, I come from... France!"

"Funny, Siesta isn't a French name..."

"M-My mother was Spanish!"

"Your mother named you Siesta, then? Did you know 'Siesta' means 'Nap' in Spanish?"

"M-Mo-Mom had a weird sense of humor!"

"And you don't have any hint of a French accent. Or a Spanish one."

"I have... I have studied Japanese hard to erase any hints of my accent!"

Finally, Ayaka seemed to buy that excuse. "I understand. Well, then, do you think you could have my dinner ready before the others return?"

"Naturally, Ojou-sama!"

"Very good. I'll be waiting," she walked out of the kitchen.

Siesta exhaled a sigh of relief.

Ayaka, on the other hand, frowned to herself as she kept on walking. She was going to discover what was being hidden from her, no doubts about that!

* * *

 

**Act 17: Haruna and Rito again.**

Haruna smiled as she finally pulled her mouth away from Rito's, a thin line of drool linking them until it fell and broke.

"H-H-H-H-H-HARUNA-CHAN!" the boy sputtered, frozen in place.

"That's the way I want to hear my name from now on. Well, except for all the stammering," she poked him in the nose. "Got it?"

"But this is... too sudden!" he squeaked like a mouse in a trap. "Too fast!"

"Ahhh, I like living fast..." she purred, shamelessly leaning against his chest. Strong thick clouds of smoke blew up from Rito's ears.

"W-W-What will your family say?-!-?"

"Dad will say 'Is he strong'? And I'll answer 'No'. Mom will ask, 'Is he rich?' and I'll answer, 'Hell, no!' Then they'll complain about how I never fulfill their expectations, and that'll be all," she simply said.

Rito sighed. "Everything seems to be so easy for you..."

Haruna held upa finger and lectured, "Life is easy as long as you know how to adapt to each outcome. Rito-kun, if you really feel something for me, why not to give it a shot, at least? Do you want to keep wondering forever 'What if I had tried dating the hot bi girl willing to give me a chance'?"

"W-well.. When you put it that way... But..."

Haruna scowled at him. "Rito."

"Y-Yes?"

"Man up!"

"Y-Yes, Ma'am!"

"Good!" She dusted his shoulders off grandly. "You gotta stop worrying about everything so much and take chances at life! Although you're safe betting on me..."

He had to smile at her blustering, yet actually caring, attitude. "S-Sorry if I looked like I was doubting you..."

"Can't you say two sentences without stuttering at the start?"

"Of course I can!"

She smiled again. "Great! See? That's the drive! Just leave everything to me. When I met Nodoka and Yue, they could barely string two straight words to anyone else, and now... well, they still have a way to go, but... Nodoka doesn't faint in front of men anymore, and Yue can actually talk about topics beyond philosophy and foreign juices."She paused. "That's not what it sounds, despite everything I've tried."

"You can help me stop fainting in front of women?" he asked with wonder.

Haruna looked a bit concerned now. "Wait, you do that?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Well, there are two girls at my class who are... kind of hard to keep up with..."

"Teasers?"

"With... With everyone, actually! Not just with me!"

Her glasses shone. "If you want, I can... _talk_ to them. To see if... I can have them ease up on you, and vice versa..."

He wondered briefly if this relationship thing was actually such a good idea after all, but his doubts, along with most of his mind, melted when she wrapped an arm around his left one, pulling him along. "Well? If we're going to date, you should take me back home like all lovers do!"

"Lovers!" he eeped.

Haruna giggled. He was so cute when he was extremely flustered like that. Kinda reminded her of Negi-sensei and Nodoka, in all fairness.

She began to lead him back to the dorms, thinking this had good potential, after all.

For both of them.

* * *

 

**Interlude: Sailor V**

From the angle she was being held at, Akira couldn't see a lot of what was happening to Ami-san, but her sudden shrill cry of pain told her everything she needed to know. "Let her go, you... you monster! Maniac!" she screamed, pulling her arms with strength she didn't know she had, almost breaking her watery bonds. Almost.

The mermaid looked at the glowing, small silvery thing now between her clawed hands, her face betraying disappointment. "... No. And I was almost sure it was her, too." She tossed the beautiful, pristine light into the air, and it made its way back into a slumped, unconscious Ami's chest much to everyone's shock, passing through it and into her without leaving any marks. "I'll feed you to my Orphans later, but first, the true Senshi must be found."

She slithered over to Shirley's side, the British girl attempting to bite through the semi-liquid substance covering her mouth, despite the tears in her eyes telling of her panic. "Perhaps you? Your heart is foolishly noble, even if your wits are scarce. I'd say that's the sign of a true hero. Let us see."

"Don't do it!" Akira tried to command, but it came out as a desperate begging, almost a loud whimper.

If the person she once knew as Ichinose Tamao heard her, she gave no sign of it. She only pressed her hand forcefully over Fenette's chest, squeezing it tightly, beginning to literally rip out the inner core of her self...

And then, a beam of light pierced through the hand, making her yowl and yank it away from her victim. Shirley moaned with a long pained tone and her head drooped down, closing her eyes and surrendering to unconsciousness.

Akira looked up at the direction the beam had just come from, and gasped.

The stories were true. The tabloids were right after all.

It had to be her. Sailor V.

* * *

 

**Act 18: Ku Fei.**

"Yuuki Saibai? Your father is THE Yuuki Saibai?-!" Haruna squealed excitedly as they finally came to a stop in front of her dorm. "The author of 'Magical Kyouko'?-!"

"Well, yeah..." Rito blushed again, rubbing the back of his neck. They had started talking about their parents on their way there, and while Rito had never thought his parents were normal at all, what little he had heard about Haruna's told him he had absolutely nothing to worry about in that regard. "He's no Akamatsu Ken, but I guess he has his fanbase..."

"You kidding?-! I'm a diehard fan! His art style is so bold and dynamic! His characters are so sexy, jumping right off the page!" Haruna gushed. "And he only takes weekly breaks like once a month!"

"Yeah, it happens everywhere nowadays, doesn't it? Shonen Weekly Blast Magazine is kinda starting to think of reconsidering its name..." he admitted.

"It is? Oooooh! Inside scoop!" The girl's eyes sparkled. "And your mom! Your mom is THE Yuuki Ringo, the fashion designer! Man, you must be swimming in dough! My mom will flip out!"

"Ehhhh! Actually, Dad doesn't make that much money, and Mom... well... she isn't big on spending, you know," he said, rather uneasily. "So we never had exactly a millionaire's lifestyle."

"What a coincidence! My mom is a huge miser too!" She slapped his shoulders in a way more fitting an old pal than a new girlfriend. "We actually have far more in common than I thought! I feel more and more confident about this now!"

He only wished he could share her optimism. But looking at that huge smile, it was impossible to argue...

Then the dorm's front door flew open, and out peeked a dark- skinned blonde girl with eyes like emeralds. "Haruna? Oh, you came right on time-aru! I was about to go to Chao's for dinner!"

Then she noticed the now stiff and gulping boy's presence, and looked back and forth between him and Haruna. "Is he bothering you, or are you bothering him?" she asked, cracking her fists just in case. _Either_ case. Rito let out a girlish yelp.

"Ah, Ku-chan!" Saotome laughed. "You're wrong on both counts! Let me introduce you to Yuuki Rito-kun!" she proudly announced, "My **first** boyfriend!"

Ku stared stupidly. "Your 'first' one?"

"You know I follow the teachings of Yamada-sensei!" Haruna reminded her.

Rito tried to remember where he had heard that name. "... Wait. Wasn't that the woman who wrote a book on how she got one hundred... you know..."

Again, Haruna laughed it off. "Yeah, I'll lend you the book later! Rito-kun, this is my roommate, Ku Fei!"

The blonde girl hopped easily, landing right in front of Rito with all the grace of an acrobat, startling him. She gave him a catlike smile. "Nihao! I'm glad Haruna finally got what she needed! Maybe she'll now finally stop feeling me up in sleep!"

"Ehhhhh..." Rito babbled.

The bespectacled girl feigned innocence. "I don't remember ever doing such a thing..."

"Maybe because I hit your head after it," Ku said. She smiled again at Rito, and shook his hand with maybe a wee bit too much of a huge crapton of strength. "I hope both of you get to be very happy! If you need help, tell me. You keep Haruna out of my boobs in return, okay?"

"AIE!" Rito could only squeal as his hand made loud crunching sounds from the inside.

"Ku-chan, you're squeezing him too hard..." Haruna told her.

The foreign girl blinked before letting his now flaccid hand go. "Oops. Sorry. Sometimes I forget controlling that." She whispered to Haruna, "Won't your Dad not like him? You know he not approve of weaklings..."

"I'll handle Daddy..." Haruna whispered back, before smirking once more at Yuuki. "Ne, ne, Rito-kun, what if we eat at Chao's together?"

"Huh?" he briefly stopped trying to massage his hand's bones back into shape. "Well, my sister must be preparing dinner, but I suppose I can call her and tell her I'll eat outside tonight..."

A few minutes later at the small Yuuki household, Mikan tightened her hands around the phone, a small twitching running all over her body.

Nao lazily looked up from her Nintendo DS and her _Negima!: Chou Mahora Taisen Kattoiin, Keiyaku Shikkou Dechai masuu_ game. "Why so gloomy? Got a call from Rito?"

"He... is with a girl..."

"Ah. Has she landed him in the hospital yet?"

"They... are on a date..."

Nao for once lost her careless attitude, replaced by an expression of pure disbelief. "No way! Look out the window! The skies must be red! Damn, that stupid Yukariko nun was right! The end of times are here! Crap, I'm going to die a virgin"

Mikan clenched her small white teeth. "The woman is... Saotome Haruna..."

Nao was silenced for a moment followed by a loud whistling. "Whooooo, they weren't joking about her! She'd REALLY go out with **anyone**!"

Mikan made a sound very unfitting a girl of her tender age. "Shouldn't you be dating one of your creepy old men right now?"

* * *

 

**Act 19: Hakase and Sakurako again.**

Sakurako blinked several times in rapid succession fashion, then kept her eyes perfectly and fully open, as much as she could. The blob monster pinning her against the tree was half-blocking her line of sight, so, with a grunt of annoyance, she pushed its head down to get a better view.

Ah, and what a view! Satomi-chan was spinning in midair with a grace she had never possessed before, her clothes vanishing right off her skin, leaving her in the buff for only a glorious picosecond before rearranging themselves in a not too glamorous but oddly sexy ensemble of tight shorts, chest hugging black top, long white coat, and, well, a quartet of metal arms attached to a backpack of sorts.

"Satomi-chaaaaaan!" the cheerleader squeed. Is 'squeed' any sort of proper verbal form? Is 'Squee' even acceptable as a verb? Eh, who cares. I've just given you free nudity, I can ignore the grammar rules of common men!

Regardless, Hakase stood proudly, aiming a finger and a metal arm at the monster. "Hideous, biologically incorrect and scientifically impossible creature! Unhand the object of my affections immediately, then surrender yourself to the **Power of Science**!"

"Satomi-chan, you're a real Mahou Shoujo!" Sakurako looked extremely radiant for someone naked under the grip of a viscous monstrosity.

The genius pushed her glasses up. "I prefer the term 'Practical Researcher of Unknown Power Sources', but Mahou Shoujo will suffice as well."

The 'Orphan' made a confused sound, twisting its amorphous head aside. It seemed to be looking at Hakase now, although it was hard to say for sure, with it lacking eyes and such. Rather quickly, in any case, it dropped Sakurako, sludging towards this strange new source of magical power. With a confident smirk, the black haired girl assumed a clumsy defensive position.

"Ouchie..." Sakurako rubbed her bare butt, still aching over the rough dropping, then sprang up to her feet, covering her privates with her hands. "Satomi-chan, look out!"

"Trust me, Sakurako-chan! I've seen Ku and Chao sparring! More than twice, even! And I watched a martial arts movie with Chisame and Negi-sensei the other day, too!"

Sakurako pouted. "You never watch movies with me..."

"Why don't you come with us tomorrow night? Haruna told me she'd give me a movie all four of us should watch together. Something called 'My First Sax Teacher', or something like that..."

Right then, however, the monster finally attacked, lunging forward. Hakase rushed at it as well, swinging a Megaton Punch at it, splattering it all over the place, only to grimace a moment later when she saw it quickly reforming itself, apparently none the worse for wear. "Oh. Well. I suppose I should have expected this..."

The 'Orphan' jumped at her again, but Hakase jumped aside in the nick of time. Quickly, her genius intellect began to analyze options to defeat an enemy who couldn't be beaten through mere brute force.

_Scream like a schoolgirl and run._

Well, she WAS a schoolgirl, but while possibly a reasonable way to reach safety, it wouldn't put her any closer to dispatch and capture the being. Plus, she'd 'lose face' before Sakurako.

_Laser gun to the—_

No, wait. That intellectually challenged Shizuna-sensei...

_Installing a complex trap taking advantage of its aquous nature to channel a high-voltage electric charge through it, rendering it inert but hopefully still useful for study._

That was a great idea, certainly worthy of her, but she doubted Monster-san would be willing to wait still for its implementation.

Maybe she needed to combine aspects of the former plans into a single, viable new approach.

_Grab Sakurako, scream like a schoolgirl, run, then call on someone who could channel a high-voltage electric charge through it, rendering it inert but hopefully still useful for study._

Eureka! But she didn't know anyone who could channel such a high-voltage charge. She knew she should have convinced Chao to let her install that function in Chachamaru...

Oh, no, wait, scratch that. Chisame and her scepter!

After barely dodging more of the monster's strikes, Satomi dashed for Sakurako and picked her up in her huge metallic arms. Shiina blushed as she was pressed against Hakase's nearly flat chest. "Satomi-chan...!"

"Scream like a schoolgirl, Sakurako-chan!" Hakase asked.

"Ehhh? Why...? I feel so safe with you here..."

"Just do it! It's all part of the plan!"

"Well, if you insist... EEEEEEK!" she tossed her arms up.

"EEEEEK!" the other girl screamed as well, beginning a mad run out of the place, with the 'Orphan' hot on their trail.

"You know, this is kinda fun!" Sakurako wheezed. "Exciting!"

"Isn't it?" Hakase had to agree. "Maybe I could take a few of the Biology Research Club's experiments on loan for our next date..."

* * *

 

**Act 20: Haruhi**

"Well then!" Suzumiya Haruhi said with a wide smile as she left Madoka at her dorm's doorstep. "Starting the first day of the next term, you'll be the SOS Brigade's newest intern! Spreading the word in the meanwhile is strongly suggested! You may even call it the Gospel if you want," she said, nonstop, pulling a pamphlet out and pushing it into Kugimiya's hands, "We don't believe in false modesty..."

"Um, well, I'm honored, but—"Madoka began.

Haruhi's smirk was very foxlike now. "I'm sure Kyon will love having you there."

"Ah, ha ha," she stifled. "No way..."

"He often talks about you, you know."

"R-Really? I mean, really?"

"Yeah!" Actually, it had been only twice or thrice, but by Kyon's standards, that was a freaking lot of often with a cherry on top. She nudged Madoka's ribs with an elbow, cagily. "C'mon, girl, learn to recognize chances when life hands them to you..."

"But... But I thought... Kyon-sempai... ah..."

"That he liked Mikuru-chan?"

"Ahhhhh..."

"Because Mikuru-chan is mine."

Madoka's eyes became blank squares, her mouth half hanging. "Ah. Ah, I see..."

"Ah ha ha ha!" Haruhi-sempai laughed again. "Well, it's been a blast, but I gotta go now, Kugimin! We're making... preparations. My class already settled on a trip destination; I convinced everyone to visit Tomobiki. I'll make sure to bring you an alien souvenir or two. What about you guys?"

"Well, I... I think we'll be visiting Kyoto..."

"Kyoto! Not too interesting, but you might run into some ghosts there. Keep me informed on it! And on any signs you see of the aliens and the fish people! Bye!" She waved before running away without any care in the freaking world.

Madoka stared helplessly before shaking her head and walking in. What had she just walked into, or rather, been pushed into?

On the other hand, she could spend more time with Kyon-sempai now. And Haruhi-sempai apparently didn't have any interest in him after all! Looked like she even supported them. Maybe she wasn't such a bad person after all. Kazumi's reports used to be greatly exaggerated, in any case.

And it wasn't like her cheering club friends were spending that much time with her lately...

"Hey!" Misa said from the couch she lay on, flipping through a fashion magazine. Yuuki Ringo's new designs were just fascinating. "You're late! Where had you been?"

"Window shopping," Madoka lied. She'd tell her later.

"Oh, you should have called me. I've still got some allowance money left. There's Teriyaki at the kitchen, by the way."

"Thank you. Where's Sakurako?"

"I think she's on a date with the Prof, or something. I wanted to go cheer her on, but she told me it was really important it be just the two of them..." Misa giggled. "Oh, Sakurako-chan, you're _thiiiiiis_ close to sealing the deal!"

"Good for her, yeah," Madoka walked into the kitchen, wondering why, even so, she felt like something was horribly wrong.

As Haruhi was reaching the doorstep of her own dorm, she stopped and smiled again. "I can tell you're there, Itsuki-kun. Come out!"

The tall, handsome boy stepped out from behind a nearby streetlamp, casually, not giving any impression he had actually been hiding. Any casual observer would have believed he was only passing by. "My, my, you're far too sharp, Haruhi-chan! So, how did your day go?"

"I got Kugimin, if that's what you mean," she shrugged. "Piece of cake. She may act no-nonsense, but in the end, everyone in that class only needs the slightest push!"

"That's good!" He sounded very pleasant and kind, but then his tone gained the barest hint of remote uneasiness. "Unless it isn't, of course!"

"Trust me! You got me because there's no one better at keep Kyon amused, didn't you? And I can tell he wants this. Kugimin will be a good influence on him."

"And God knows he needs one of those around..." Itsuki Koizumi gently ribbed.

"What can I say? Every act demands for a boring straight man. That's a prime rule of show business, Itsuki-kun! It can't be all thrills all the time. Kyon also can get bored if it's all excitement, all the time. Every rollercoaster needs its ups and downs. Besides, god apparently _doesn't_ know he needs one around, or else I wouldn't need to arrange one for him."

He nodded. "Yes, that's our director, all right. Always thinking of everything! _Unless you only did so because he unconsciously willed it so, and that we actually have no free will, and are merely all manifestations of his unconscious urges…"  
_  
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, can the philosophy. I don't believe he's actually god, or else he wouldn't buy that bullshit story we fed him about _me_ being god. Probably just an amnesiac genie scientist from a highly advance genie civilization or perhaps a dimensionally displaced being from the 5thdimension and his real name is 'Kynn'. I tell you, if we ever get him to say 'Nnyk', he'll be sent back there… so DON'T! Life would be boring otherwise." She turned around back for the door. "By the way, Itsuki-kun..."

"Yes?"

She reached up with a hand, softly lowering a bit of the shoulder of her shirt down, baring a fair-skinned area of skin, and teasing him with a tantalizing glimpse of white bra. "I'm rather bored today, myself. Won't you walk in and entertain me a few hours, too?" she teased, her voice low.

Koizumi blinked, his almost always unfazable eyes briefly betraying a diminutive sparkle of conflicting feelings.

Everyone would always comment how he always seemed to be all over Kyon, yet he invariably was far too fast to please every last one of Haruhi's whims.

This time, it wouldn't be different.

Regaining his smile, he walked in after her, closing the door behind him.

* * *

 

**Act 21: Hakase again.**

"Satomi-chan..." Sakurako said as she was carried in her semi-girlfriend's extra arms, Hakase's lab coat now wrapped around her nude body to preserve her modesty.

"Yes, Sakurako?" Hakase asked, never slowing in her running. Apparently they had left the 'Orphan' quite behind, but from Negi-sensei's stories, she had learned those beasts could strike from the most unexpected places and at the most unexpected times.

"You know, for someone with bad P.E. grades carrying a giant metal backpack and me, you are running fast as heck...!"

"Oh, that," the other girl said. "The Pactio boosts my physical stats to nearly superhuman levels. I'm still testing their limits, but it's difficult to get a precise gauge on them..."

"What's a Pactio?" Sakurako asked.

"Well, you'll see..." she answered while ducking behind a statue with her, pulling the card back out. "This is the proof of my Pactio, a Provisional Alliance with Negi-sensei..."

"Negi-sensei!" the cheerleader marveled.

"Um... Yes. He..." Hakase sighed and decided there was no point in keeping it hidden from her anymore. And she just couldn't lie to that oh so cute face, and those extremely shiny large eyes... not to mention the large swathes of naked flesh showing from under the lab coat. "Negi-sensei is a user of unknown powers I haven't been able to categorize yet, okay?" she whispered.

"... A what?"

"... A mage," Satomi admitted defeat.

"A mage!" Sakurako cooed aloud. "No way, no way, no way! Oh, that's so—!"

"Shhhh, please!" Hakase gestured for her to calm down, then shuddered at the new and alien feeling of being the voice of reason. Was this how Chisame felt all the time? No one she was always stressed!"The creature might hear you. And besides, Sensei's condition is supposed to be a secret. If someone learns about it, he'll be transformed into a lowly, probably perverted and undergarment stealing, Welsh ermine."

"Oh, no. That'd be bad."

"Most definitely, yes," Hakase said, fully realizing that supreme intelligence was not one of the reasons why she liked Shiina.

"But luckily, only you, and now me, know it, right?"

Hakase opened her mouth to express a 'Well, no, but...' followed by an eloquent, convincing rebuttal. But she ended up just hanging her head down and saying, "Me, Chisame, Kasuga-san, Asuna-san and Misa-san all know."

A drop of sweat hovered over Sakurako's head. "Maybe it's me, but that doesn't exactly sound like a secret anymore. Wait. Misa-chan? Both you and Misa-chan were keeping this from me? Satomi-chan, how could you?"

"I'm sorry! I had promised to keep it hidden from everyone, and so did Misa-san! We tried to convince the others to let you in too, but... we hadn't reached a consensus yet..."

Sakurako pouted, but like always, her bad mood was quick to subside. "Okay. A good friend must know how to keep secrets and promises, so I'll forgive you." She examined the card carefully. "Ahhh, it's so cute...! How did you get it?"

"I told you already, through my Pactio."

"And how was that 'Pactio' done?"

"Negi-sensei and I established direct physical contact through our mouths."

"You kissed?-!"

"Keep your voice down, I beg you! We did it before I even knew you had feelings for me..."

"... You 'did it'?"

Hakase, for once, suspected of some sort of double meaning behind the appalled question. "I mean, we did kiss," she explained.

"Oh!" Sakurako sighed with relief. "Then, all the other girls..."

"Yes, they kissed him as well."

Shiina scowled. "Then I'm not sure why Misa-chan always complains she hasn't gone far enough with him... Wait, it's Misa-chan. Silly me. Obviously she wants to go all the way.."

"Ah?"

"Never , what will we do about this monster?"

Hakase breathed in and pressed the card against her own forehead. "I'll call Chisame. She'll know what to do."

"Are you going to call her with... that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Shouldn't you buy yourselves cellphones instead? Or, knowing you, some kind of James Bond communicator/taser/Viagra dispenser?"

"What can I say? Sensei actually favors this type of communication. He's far too much of a traditionalist..."

* * *

 

**Act 22: Mikan**

The sun had already set by the time Yuuki Rito made it to his dorm, with a satisfied, dreamy smile on his face.

"Good evening!" Nao waved carelessly from where she sat, now watching _Jackie Chan and The Son of El Santo vs. the Mutant Biker Mice from Martian Hell_ on TV and eating nachos. "So, how did that date go?"

For a few moments, Rito said nothing, and Nao thought he had been rejected yet again. But then he made a slow, wide and goofy, definitely shit-eating, grin. "She agreed!"

"Oh, so you already had sex?" Nao asked casually.

Rito fell on his face, then sprang up completely crimson, sprouting stupid looking sharp teeth, like a visual gag in a comic. "O-O-OF COURSE NOT! She only agreed to be m-my girlfriend!"

"Oh, poo!" his cousin made a disappointed pout. "When are those nephews coming? I'm growing old waiting!" she mocked.

"Welcome back, Rito," Mikan sighed, stepping out of the kitchen. "I know you already ate, but I left some riceballs in case you're still hungry..."

"Ah, thanks, Mikan-chan, but I'm full," he smiled at his sister, rubbing his stomach with a hand. Then he held up a bag of takeout. "As a matter of fact, I brought you some food that we couldn't eat. What do you say if we have it together tomorrow?"

Nao was already digging into the bag, pulling a nikkuman and munching on it. "Oh, still warm! I'm still hungry, you know. Man, this is good stuff..."

"Yeah..." Mikan nodded, her heart not really into it. "Satsuki-sempai is an excellent cook. The best one in the Academy..."

She sadly looked down at her hands, still holding a large spoon, and her Piyo-Piyo apron.

Rito gave her a concerned look. "Mikan-chan? You feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Why shouldn't I?" The girl turned around and began walking away. "I'll be in my room. If you need something, just knock."

Rito stood there staring on complete helplessness. "Nao..."

"Yeah?" she asked between mouthfuls.

"Did I... Did I do something wrong?"

"Nah," she waved a hand. "She's just going through the growing pains."

"What do you mean? "

She sighed, exasperated at the way men were such clueless idiots. "Look, just forget it and pass me one of those riceballs, will you?"

He did. "She's going through menstrual cramps already?"

Nao fell off the couch. So close and yet still so wrong…

* * *

 

**Act 23: Nagi**

_Yukihiro Manor:_

Ayaka reassured herself in her mind. Sneaking into Siesta-san's bedroom right after sending her out to buy groceries and asking the other maids to go clean the pool was not, in any way, shape or form, an undue action unfitting her position.

She was the mistress of the house, wasn't she? Yes, she was, no doubts about it. And as such, and as the sole heiress of the Yukihiro Zaibatsu, it was her duty to verify everything was okay concerning her employees.

She was sure Siesta-san was hiding something from her. Something highly important and shameful. At her own residence. Today's earlier incident with the bottle had confirmed it. Ayaka just had to know; not only was it her prerogative, but her duty as well!

Siesta-san's origins, now that she thought about it, were a mystery to everyone but Ayaka's father and Siesta herself. Why was that? What did they have to hide? All sorts of hideous theories buzzed through Ayaka's mind. Perhaps she had been Father's lover? Or a secret daughter? No, Father would never do such a thing.

Would he?

She **had** to know!

She had extra keys for all rooms in the Manor, naturally. It posed no problem for her to enter Siesta-san's humble room, locking the door behind herself. The bottle of the so-called 'love potion' rested on the nightstand, but Ayaka paid it no attention. Instead, her eyes fell on the cabinet set under it. It was locked. Far too heavily for something holding the belongings of a simple maid. And she had no keys for it.

She tried to think where would a simple person like Siesta-san keep those keys. She doubted she carried them with herself. It had to be an unimaginative, far too obvious place...

Ayaka looked under the lamp. No results. Under the carpets. Nothing there either. Behind the portrait of Hiragata Saito, Siesta-san's crush (excellent brushwork. Ayaka would need to get the name of the artist). Again, she was left empty handed.

Finally, she looked under the pillow.

Bingo.

Ayaka still doubted, now she had the keys in her hands. What she was about to do still struck her as dishonorable and underhanded. But she was sure Siesta-san wouldn't tell her if she just asked her about it. There was no going back.

Inhaling deeply, the heiress mentally begged for her maid's forgiveness, then opened the locks one after another.

What she saw in there made her gasp. There was a large picture of a tall, extremely handsome man with a charming, roguish smile. It seemed to be only a copy, but it still bore a few clearly visible words written at the bottom.

**Nagi Springfield, while visiting Ariadne Academy. Year—**

Almost fifteen years ago. Siesta-san had to be a child when that picture was taken.

**Nagi.**

**Springfield.**

Come to think of it, he looked an awful lot like an older Negi-sensei would. What the hell, in Asuna's simian terminology, was happening here?

There were a few other things, as well. Half a dozen of books in the same awful Latin, which seemed to be trashy romance novels, going by the print quality and the style of the pictures on the cover, even if the heroes and heroines sometimes had horns, weird ears or were some kind of furry. And letters. A veritable stash of letters. Many of them branded with official looking seals. A few unopened envelopes, even.

With trembling fingers, Ayaka reached for one of the letters and unfolded it. She yelped when, a second later, a hologram-like image of a young shapely girl with very dark brown skin, long blond hair and strange animal-looking ears, flashed up from the paper, talking to her very clearly.

"Siesta!" it said. "I hope you're doing well there, Siesta! I'd hate to learn you've been disappointing the trust all of us have put in you!"

Ayaka barely held down her urge to yell in confused panic.

* * *

 

**Act 24: Chisame**

Negi was brushing his teeth and Chisame had finally finished her page update when she felt the strange sensation of a Pactio card call. Groaning, she picked up her card and held it against her forehead. "Yeah? Is that you, Misora?"

 _Chisame!_ Hakase's voice ran in her head. _I'm afraid we're in dire need for your assistance!_

"We?" Hasegawa asked. "Oh, crap. Tell me, who are you with, and what happened?"

Negi walked quickly to her side. "Chisame-san? Something wrong?"

"It's Hakase," Chisame murmured. "Looks like she got herself into a jam."

_Jam? No, it looks more like a creature composed of semi-solidified water. Still transparent and with unmistakable H2O properties. Certainly not a food product of any sorts..._

Negi pulled out his copy of Satomi's card to join the telepathic conversation. "Satomi-san, are you okay?"

_Yes, I am unhurt. Sakurako-chan is with me. I'm afraid she has learned about my condition as a magic user..._

Chisame groaned, briefly biting her tongue. "I knew it! It was just a freakin' matter of time!"

Chamo approached with curiosity. "Is Sato-chi alright?"

Negi nodded, then asked, "Satomi-san, where are you?"

 _Mid-way between the dorms and the indoor pools. Hiding right behind the Himeno Fuji statue_.

Chisame hummed. "Since when are you so knowledgeable about campus geography? You barely knew anything beyond this dorm, the main building, and your labs."

_I had to memorize the whole campus to create the 3D map we use in the laboratory now. Could you come for us quickly, please? This creature is completely immune to the sort of physical attacks I can dispense with my Artifact..._

"If she's in any danger, you can bring her here with the Card, Bro!" Chamo jumped up. "You can summon your Pactio partners right to your side at any moment as long as they aren't in a distance of more than—"

The boy looked at him. "Can I bring her along with someone else? Because right now, she's with Shiina-san..."

"Good Luck-chan? Hmmmm, no, it can't be done..." the ermine shook his head. "Teleportation only can function with your partner, and no one else."

"Then we'll have to go for them, right?" Chisame sighed. "Hang on there, Hakase! We'll be there immediately!"

 _Thank you, Chisame, Sensei!_ Hakase's voice sounded truly moved. _I knew I could count on you!_

At the place of the events itself, Sakurako couldn't help noticing Satomi's eyes had gone rather larger, and shining with sparkle and star effects in them. She began to think maybe she would have a harder time competing with them than she had believed at first...

* * *

 

**Act 25: Akira yet again**

She stood atthe ledge of one of the large windows, a white mask on the upper half of her face. She was nearly identical to the images seen in the merchandise; blonde and leggy, with very long golden hair, and a red ribbon on her head. Akira had never been really interested in superheroes or vigilantes, but she would have had to admit seeing one in the flesh for the first time ever was leaving a strong impression on her.

"Deceptive evil creature from the depths of depravity!" she spoke, in a loud, firm tone. "Hiding behind a false face, tricking those who would look up to you! Hellish minion of the dark powers, because of those unforgivable sins, Sailor V will punish you, in the name of—!"

The mermaid, after some initial shock, got understandably tired of waiting for the speech's conclusion. "GET HER!" she shouted, pointing up at the newcomer.

"Look out!" Nyamo-sensei shouted, rather unnecessarily, as the water 'Orphans' sprang up from the pool aiming for the mini-skirted agent of love and justice. She jumped easily over them, doing a pirouette in mid-air and landing feet first on Ichinose's face, sending her flying into the pool.

"HAH!" the heroine said, landing on her feet at the pool's edge. "Numbers mean nothing when they aren't backed by quality, fish face! These—"she twirled around, swinging a kick that split one of the monsters by half, "— brainless things—" she tossed something small and compact, which Akira guessed was some sort of... well, small compact mirror, by the looks of it... at another monster, reducing it to dust, "—are the kind of enemies I was beating by the dozen when I started this!" The compact returned to her hand like a boomerang, and she quickly used it to destroy another one of those beings.

Nyamo-sensei looked on with incredulity. "This is getting far too weird... Hey, girl!" she trashed around. "Can you free us, please?-!"

"I'm kinda busy here, you know!" the sailor suited soldier gritted her teeth while pulverizing the monster she had kicked first, by aiming a finger at it in a finger gun-like fashion, then shooting a single stream of burning light through it. "VENUS CRESCENT BEAM!"

As the monsters fell one by one, however, the pool's waters bubbled and boiled, and then the monstrous mermaid emerged from it, quickly reaching with her arms for Sailor V, grabbing her by surprise and dragging her down into the water with herself, before she could do anything but voice a yelp.

"SAILOR V-SAN!" Akira shouted, right before noticing Aino-san's white cat was nibbling at the watery goo covering her right ankle. The watery monster that goo was a part of reacted and pushed the cat away, but the animal already had managed to free Akira's leg, somehow. The swimmer kicked back at it, but only managed to get her foot stuck back into it. "It's useless! Try as I might, I just can't—"

"Yell 'Mercury Power, Make Up!'" a male voice told her.

She blinked. "What?"

"Who said that?" Nyamo looked all around.

"I'll bet it's one of those perverts who hide around to watch us changing and swimming..." Akira attempted to locate the source of the voice. "Those boys are the worst... and Honsho-san isn't much better…"

The monster holding her made a nodding motion and a gobbling sound of agreement. The fact it was clutching onto a pretty teenager it had just burned the clothes off didn't mean it was a pervert itself; it just was doing its job!

"Down here," the voice murmured dryly.

"Down where?" Akira asked.

"Down here, where the cat is!" the cat yelled at her.

The teacher and Akira stared blankly at the cat.

"The cat is talking," Ookuchi finally said, unable to think of something better.

"No, no it isn't," Nyamo shook her head stubbornly. "I'm just dreaming you just said that about a talking cat I'm dreaming about too. I've had this kind of dreams before; it's the typical one where you show up for classes naked, and then the viscous aliens with tentacles attack you, and—"

Akira made a disgusted face, even though she normally wasn't the type to do so. So, Yukari-sensei was right for once, after all. Nyamo-sensei was **really** in dire need of a man.

"Just say 'Mercury Power, Make Up!' already!" the cat, dream or not, insisted, hitting on his own head with his small paws.

Sailor V re-emerged, coughing water up as she struggled in the mermaid's grasp. "For the love of all that's holy, just listen to him! Or my ghost will haunt you forever! Blurgh!"

"Now they talk about ghosts, don't they..." Nyamo muttered. "As if something like a ghost could ever exist..."

_Obligatory Random Break to Whatever Sayo is doing at the Moment:_

The ghost shrieked and pressed a towel against her bare front. "DON'T LOOK!"

Kiri, who was bathing with her, nodded in approval. "Yes, you're getting the hang of it now... "

"AH! Kiri-chan! What are you…?AH! I'm feeling all tingly… down there…"

* * *

 

**Act 26: Ayaka again**

Siesta breathed deeply as she walked into her darkened room, beginning by loosening the tight neck of her maid outfit. Maybe she had spent far too long outside, as Fubuki-san had remarked, but it had been worth it since it had meant spending some more time with Saito-kun.

She reached over for the light switch, turned it on, and then her heart almost stopped.

Yukihiro Ayaka was sitting on the edge of her bed, sporting an unamused expression, and holding a large stack of books, envelopes and letters on her lap.

"O-O-Ojou-sama!" the servant stammered, considering herself dead. "What— Why are you—"

Ayaka only scowled, holding up the picture of Nagi-sama. "Who is this man, Siesta-san, and what is his relation to Negi-sensei? Is he his father? An uncle? And older brother?"

"Ojou-sama, please! I have no idea what you're—!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME, SIESTA!" the heiress raised her voice angrily. The maid squeaked and shrunk down like a frightened mouse, tears already coming to the corners of her eyes, and Ayaka lowered her voice again, trying to control herself. "Please, don't take me for an idiotjust because I'm blonde. This was among your belongings. You obviously know who this man is, or was. And you have met Negi-sensei as well. There's no way you couldn't have at least suspected a connection."

Siesta, defeated from the start, slumped her head down. "That man, Nagi Springfield-sama, was the father of Negi-sensei."

"Was?"

"No one has seen him in more than a decade," she answered. "That photo is from the last time he visited Ariadne Academy, the place my mother used to work at, and where I came to work at as well after her passing. I was only a child back then, and that was the only time I ever met him, from afar. Someone took the picture and handed it over to my mother as a memento. As for the date, we normally don't use your system of years, but since my family originally came from—"

Then she covered her mouth with her hands, realizing she had just said too much.

Ayaka frowned. "What is that? How come you use a different system of years?"

"N-Nothing. Forget it, I beg—"

"Does it have something to do with this?" she held one of the letters up. "Several girls have sent you missives like this. Missives with speaking messages, with lifelike images that literally spring from the page. Why? What kind of bizarre secrets have you been keeping from me?"

"I-I can't tell you!" Siesta panicked, sticking her back against a wall, too paralyzed to turn around and run like she wanted to. "They'll punish me, and my family too!"

"Who? The girls who sent these letters?" Ayaka pressured her. "I can help you, but not if you aren't honest with me, Siesta!"

"NO! N-Not them, I mean... They'd never do such a thing... and they don't have the authority to do it. They're my friends... Students at the Academy, who always treated me well. B-But my s-s-superiors..."

"What about your superiors?" Ayaka asked again. Now they were getting somewhere.

"I can't tell you about them, sorry. I might even endanger you as well. Yukihiro-sama himself prohibited it."

"Father? What does Father know about—"

"Your father is a highly knowledgeable man," Siesta dared to interrupt her. "Someone with so much power and so many connections just has to be. But I beg you, never tell him I told you this. The punishment for mages who betray the oath of secrecy is being turned into ermines, but civilians who do so... more so lowly servants like me... might even face a death penalty!"

She was all but crying in full force now, puzzling Ayaka even more. "Mages...?"

Siesta knew she had just dug her own grave, and the only thing left to do was to keep digging deeper. "I-I... I come from Mundus Magicus, a world apart from your own. A world on the edge of collapse, where several races other than humans coexist, many of them well versed in the arts of magic. Most Mundus Magicus inhabitants can't live at this world without undergoing a process of adaptation first, but since several of my ancestors hail from Earth, I was a prime candidate for the process."

"Why were you sent here?" the blonde questioned. "And why did my father consent to it?"

She was finding it all hard to believe, even after reading through the documents (or watching them as the case may be), but even if this was part of an elaborate hoax, she wanted to know all the details.

"I told you... my world is about to break down," she sobbed. "My superiors are attempting to fix the damage, but even so, they decided to send several of us... here, as part of a selected Immigration Program. If we're able to adapt, they might send more of us. If the only way we can survive is by moving here..."

"You would be moving here?-!" Ayaka gasped. "How many of you are there at that world?-!"

"Around five hundred million, according to the last estimates..."

"FIVE HUNDRED MILLION!" the heiress paled.

"... Counting humans only. That's not counting the beast-men, elves, dwarves, demons, trolls, goblins, talking animals, Twilight Fans, Bleach readers, Narutards—"

"SIESTA!" Ayaka stood up violently, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her. "There's no possible way you could bring that many people here! Much less those with animal ears and tails! Mankind would sink into war and confusion! Why, if only 198,000 confirmed mutants around the world have raised so much unrest and violent behavior—"

"I know!" Siesta cried. "That's why, night after night, I pray for another solution! But I still have to do this! My family... all my friends... are counting on me! Try to look at it from my perspective, Ayaka Ojou-sama! I'm so scared! I have no option except doing this!"

Ayaka sat back down, rubbing her temples. "This is too much for me. I think I feel like fainting..."

"I could bring you a glass of water, if you—!"

"NO! Dammit, what kind of insane fantasies..."

"It isn't a fantasy, Ojou-sama," Siesta replied with newfound hints of firmness. "I have not lied to you."

"Yes, just like you didn't lie to me, before?-!"

The maid looked down in shame. "Like I told you, I had to..."

Ayaka sighed. "Siesta."

"Yes?"

"This man, Nagi Springfield, was a 'mage', wasn't he?"

"Yes."

She looked at the staff the man was holding in the picture. It was identical to the one Sensei always carried around. "Is Negi-sensei a mage as well?"

"I couldn't say for sure. Details on the Thousand Master's exploits after his return to Earth are scarce. The only thing I know for sure is that boy is his son."

Ayaka gave her another look. "Thousand Master?"

"They gave that name to Nagi Springfield, since they said he had mastered a thousand spells of all kinds," Siesta reported. "He was the greatest mage of his time, beyond even common mages like the Bandit Spooker, the Humanoid Typhoon and the Boy-Who-No-One-Wished-Had-Lived. Even to this day, the students at Aridane idolize him."

"Such an illustrious father..." Ayaka mused quietly, eyeing the picture carefully. "You mentioned something about mages being turned into ermines if they are exposed?"

"Yes!" Siesta nodded. "Sometimes, if the offense is particularly serious, they are transformed into other kinds of beasts, like chupacabras, calamari, sea monkeys, Twilight fans, horse apples or axolotls."

Ayaka's face became grim. "I see..."

"Y-You wouldn't reveal my secret, would you, Ojou-sama?"

Ayaka breathed in and out. "For starters, I'm still not sure you haven't just lied to me. Your story is far too outrageous. I mean, talking animals...? Please!"

_Obligatory Random Break to whatever Vigilante is doing at that Exact Moment:_

"DON'T LOOK!" the duck yelped while pressing a towel against his wet lower body.

Standing at the shower stall's entrance clad in a robe, Tohsaka Rin frowned at him. "What's your problem? You always walk around pantsless, anyway..."

She closed the stall and walked away, almost stomping. "A-Anyway, hurry up there! I thought it was Sakura in there. I'm in a rush, and I need to be cleaned up for an appointment quickly..." Darn it… she'd been wanting to indulge in that particular decadent habit…

_Back at the Yukihiro Manor..._

"And besides, your downfall might involve Negi-sensei's as well," Ayaka pondered angrily. "So I'll keep your insane secret for now, okay?"

"Thank you so very much, Ojou-sama...!" the girl sighed in infinite relief.

"I'm sure he'll tell me whenever he's ready..." Ayaka muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing! Never mind! Now go back to your room!"

"Errr, Ojou-sama, you are the one who's in my room right now..."

Ayaka blinked. "Oh. Oh, yes. Of course. Well, see you tomorrow then, Siesta-san." Visibly shaken, she walked out, closing the door behind herself.

As soon as she was alone, Siesta dropped down into her bed and began slamming both fists on her own head. "Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!"

* * *

 

**Act 27: Negi and Chisame.**

"They'll be here soon," Hakase sighed as she pocketed the card. "We only have to stay here perfectly quiet, and I'm sure the creature won't find us in the meanwhile."

Sakurako nodded. "Ne, Satomi-chan..."

"Yes...?"

"Do you think I can get one of those Pactios as well?"

Hakase looked at her with huge round eyes.

"I-I mean, not like I'm interested in kissing people other than you, but—! Having powers like yours would be so cool—! Can't I get a Pactio if I kiss you?"

"I don't think so, but you'd have to ask Chamo-san for the details..." Hakase pondered it deeply.

"Negi-kun's pet?"

"Indeed."

"Can he... Can he talk?"

"He talks far too much, as a matter of fact..."

The cheerleader was about to ask something else, but then she tensed up with a concerned face. "Wait. Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Something like... rustling grass, and then—"

And then, it jumped up over the statue, tackling Sakurako back against a wall. "Sakurako-chan!" Hakase grabbed the creature from behind and forcefully pulled it away from the gasping, scared cheerleader, even as it oozed free from her grasp to clutch at her instead, starting to burn through her shirt. With a grunt, Satomi grabbed it and tugged it off herself, slamming it down on the floor, then ripping up a huge chunk of terrain and slamming the being with it, trying to bury it as deep as she could. "Sakurako-chan, get away from here as fast as you—!"

Interrupting her, the thing filtered itself through the dirt, stubbornly grabbing her again, now burning round holes through her shorts. "Satomi-chan, hold on!" This time, it was Sakurako who grabbed him and pulled her back to relative safety, but the 'Orphan' just made a strangled sound and attacked again.

Swinging a massive fist, then another one, Hakase kept it at bay, but she knew she was achieving nothing but buying time and delaying the inevitable. After each punch, the monstrosity reformed itself just as quickly. Definitely, brute force and mere physical impact wouldn't suffice; they'd need another kind of element...

 _"Flans Carcer Venti Vertentis!"_ a familiar voice sounded.

Sakurako was stunned at seeing a huge burst of wind, pretty much a miniature tornado, forming itself around the water monster, making it to spin in midair helplessly, holding it apart from Hakase and herself. Then she noticed Satomi was looking in another direction with those same huge starry eyes, and followed her gaze to the point where Negi-kun stood valiantly, holding his staff in hand. Chisame stood at his right, wearing a fancy dress and extending a very pretty scepter with a heart shaped end ahead. They both looked very heroic and epic like that, as if posing for a major entrance. Standing there under the waning light of sunset, Sakurako felt her heart patter just a bit faster. She never had doubted of Negi-kun's appeal, but until then, she hadn't understood the big deal about Chisame. However, seeing her there, with that completely serious and stern expression, standing tall and proud to the rescue... It was so... cool...

"Chisame-san, now!" Negi-kun shouted.

Chisame shook the scepter. As she did so, Sakurako saw the lampposts all along the boulevard turning themselves off, as their electric energy seemed to flow out of them and gather itself around the scepter, charging it with a terrifying amount of power, before Chisame shook it again, sending it all in a concentrated blast towards the monster. "QUEEN'S SCEPTER!"

The monster made a horrible sound as it was shocked and shaken violently, the electricity crackling through it until it made it explode in several directions, the water droplets it had been reduced to evaporating as they flew. And so, it was done.

Sakurako stood open mouthed, not even noticing when Negi made it to her side. "Shiina-san! Are you okay?"

"Ah? Y-Yes!" she nodded, tightening Satomi's lab coat around herself. "Thanks... Thank you, Negi-kun! You... You are...!"

Then she just threw herself into his arms and pressed her lips to his deeply, even sneaking her tongue into his mouth clumsily.

Negi's eyes shot themselves out of their sockets.

Chisame had a similar reaction, her mouth twitching in a wide variety of interesting forms.

Hakase stared wildly amazed. "Sakurako-chan!" _So hot… such a turn on…!_

The cheerleader pulled her mouth apart from a stunned Negi's, blinking in mild disappointment. "Ah...? That was all? Where's my card?"

Chamo arrived then, panting madly, shaking a piece of chalk in a paw. "Dammit, Good Luck-chan! You had to wait for me! Now you'll have to do it again!"

Chisame slammed a foot on him. "You won't do anything like that!-!"

Satomi stared at her in utter disbelief. "... Queen's Scepter? Since when did you give names to your attacks?"

"Give me a break!" Chisame growled, her cosplayer spirit offended. "If I'm going to make a fool of myself like a Magical Girl, I'm at least doing it with all the requirements of the genre!"

* * *

 

**Act 28: Sailor Mercury**

With no other alternatives actually at hand, Akira grunted, pulling an arm free and lifting it up before shouting, "Mercury Power, Make-Up!"

And then it happened, jolting her up and almost blinding her in a flash for a moment. The shreds of her clothes that had not been melted by the monster were pulled off by an invisible force and reduced to fine dust, just as a tight white bodysuit, not too unlike a one piece bathing suit or a gymnast's leotard, formed itself around her body, then followed by a short blue skirt fluttering around her waist. A golden tiara flashed out of thin air, securing itself on her forehead. Right under it, thick goggles encased her eyes, and long white gloves were knit out of nowhere reaching up around her elbows. A big white bow over her chest. Tall, shiny blue boots on her feet.

"It's you!" the mermaid growled, pulling her head out of the water, distracted long enough for Sailor V to elbow her in the jaw, pushing her back and allowing her to pull herself out of the pool. Nyamo-sensei coughed as a thick fog began to surround Akira, blanketing the entire place quickly. She could hear Ichinose coughing as well, right before jumping out of the water in extreme anger, lunging ahead with her clawed hands. "I'll kill you!-! And then eat that Star Seed right out of your carcass!"

"Venus Love-Me Chain!-!" V's voice shouted again, and a long, thin string of golden light shot itself from between the fog, wrapping itself around the mermaid's arm and slamming her against a wall. Sailor V stepped closer, pulling on the chain to tighten its grip on Ichinose. "Well? Stand down and command your 'Orphans' back, or else—!"

She clenched her fangs. "Or else what? I'll lose my arm?"

The mermaid defiantly pulled the arm back as strongly as she could, so violently she left most of it still attached to the chain, the stump still connected to her bleeding green all over the floor. The Sailor Senshi gasped.

"It'll grow back!" She charged ahead roaring like a lion. "AND IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR YOUR HEAD!"

V prepared herself for a counter attack, but before she could pull it off, something zoomed down from high above, hitting the mermaid on the back of the head and bringing her down with a loud thud.

The Senshi looked down and it, and noticed it was a single red rose, stuck into the mermaid's thick skin, its thorns perforating its upper layer.

Her heart beat much faster. "You...!"

Akira, meanwhile, was stepping out of the fog, coughing as well. With some shock, she saw the monster that had been holding her had been transformed into an ice statue. She blinked and followed V's stare up, to see a tall young man in full evening wear standing at the ledge of one of the largest windows, with another red rose in his hands, face hidden by a mask and a top hat on his head. Her first thought was _What kind of clown is this?_

"Cruel spawn of the depths, deceptive and shameless in your treacherous ways!" he proclaimed grandly. "For long, I have suspected you, and this is the day my sispicions are confirmed! But no longer will you prey on the innocent!"

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama...!" Sailor V swooned.

"Tuxedo?" Akira asked weakly. "He... He isn't exactly wearing a tuxedo. On the subject of clothes, why I am—"

The mermaid struggled back up, swinging her tail in Sailor V's direction, managing to knock her off her feet. "Kill you all... Kill you all, or Master will not forgive me..." she droned grimly, like an animal out of control.

Ami seemed to snap out of her forced sleep for a moment, lifting her head to say with an absent, tired voice, "Akira-chan... Say... Say... 'Shine Aqua Illusion'!"

"What?" Akira understood even less now.

"Just say it!" Artemis and Tuxedo Kamen said at once.

"Oh... Okay!" She slammed her hands ahead, aiming them at the monster looming over Sailor V, mostly by instinct, and then repeated the words. "Shine Aqua Illusion!"

"What? No!" was all Ichinose could say before a large blast of concentrated coldblanketed her and her remaining monsters, encasing them in ice.

Akira stood aghast, seeing what she had just done. "Did I... Was I..." she turned to Ami. "Mizuno-san, what..."

But Ami had just fallen back into unconsciousness now, as out of it as Shirley.

"What is the meaning of all this?" Nyamo-sensei was asking, scared out of her wits. "None of this makes any sense! Have you just killed her? I'll grant you she was about to kill us, but—!"

"It'll take more than that to kill a Dark Agency member," Artemis said before turning his attention back to the blond Senshi. "Venus!"

Sailor V was just looking at the now empty window, sobbing softly. "He's gone...! Always the same! Comes and goes without even saying goodbye! Why is that man so afraid of commitment?-!"

"VENUS!" Artemis yelled.

The blonde snapped back to reality. "Huh? Oh, sorry, Artemis. You okay?"

"I'm fine," the cat mumbled, pointing at the still paralyzed and flabbergasted Akira. "It's your new teammate who needs your attention now."

The orange themed Magical Girl skipped over to Akira, patting her shoulders. "Hey there! Great job, Akira-chan! Welcome to the fold!"

"W-Welcome to... what...?" Ookuchi babbled.

Artemis face-pawed. "With some more sensibility, Venus!"

"What do you want me to tell her?" Sailor V protested. "You were just as blunt with me! Okay, sorry, Akira-chan. Looks like you have the ancient power of Sailor Mercury, one of the Moon Princess' honor guards in a past life. As such, now you are a beautiful warrior in a sailor suit,charged with the task of helping me find the current incarnation of the Princess and battling the forces of evil out to destroy us!" She looked back at Artemis and hissed, "Better _now_...?"

Steam was blowing out of Akira's ears.

Artemis pouted and cringed. "The jury's still out on that..."

Nyamo-sensei, now free and kneeling down, covering her privates with her hands, just yelled, "That's all very interesting, but could you please get me something to wear now?-!"

* * *

 

**Act 29: Mana and Setsuna**

"So, what are we going to do with her?" Akira asked, walking over to Ichinose's frozen body, as Nyamo-sensei covered herself with a curtain, grumbling, and Sailor V safely settled the unconscious Shirley and Ami aside.

The cat sat next to her, making a thoughtful humming sound and then talking again, which still creeped Akira out to no end. "I think we should try to get her out of here, restrain her and question her. We haven't had any chances of getting information directly from the Dark Agency's followers yet."

"What is this Dark Agency you talk about?" the teacher asked, rubbing her running nose. The air around her felt way too chilly.

"The bad guys," Sailor V said.

"Don't tell me," Nyamo deadpanned. "And what is what they do, exactly? I mean, yes, I got everything about taking over the world from us apes, okay, but how do they expect to achieve that by getting girls naked and then ripping the souls out of us?"

"Not our souls. Our Star Seeds," Sailor V explained. "Think of them as... sparkles, relics from other times, when this universe was young and the cosmos was being created. Then, Star Seeds sprouted from the Godwave of Creation and entered all living beings. Star Seeds are a manifestation of the inner powers all of us have, latent in one way or another. But only a few, those of us who are the destined guardians of the planets, have the Star Seeds the Dark Agency are looking for. They want to eliminate us from the start so we can't interfere with their plans of global control. You own one of those perfect Star Seeds, Akira-chan. And so, you're Sailor Mercury, warrior of the first planet in the Solar System—" She paused. "Artemis, Mercury IS the first planet of the Solar System, right?"

"Right," the cat sighed.

Akira and Nyamo only stared at her in awkward, incredulous silence.

The blonde huffed, pointing down at the cat. "You wanna know more? Ask him! I'm still getting used to this, myself!"

"Cat-san..." Sailor Mercury addressed him, trying to forget how ridiculous she felt talking to a cat. How did Chachamaru manage it so easily?

"My name's Artemis. What?"

"If you haven't had the chance to question these enemies so far, how can you be so sure about their goals?"

"Did you hear all of that rant the mermaid gave when she had you prisoner?" the cat asked rightback.

"Yes. Why?"

"They do that all the time," Artemis said. "It's like the villains in James Bond movies. You end up putting pieces of their master plan together every time one of them rants and rants and rants..."

"But we still don't know enough," Sailor V piped in.

"Right," Artemis nodded. "Next question?"

"... You watch James Bond movies?" Nyamo-sensei asked.

"Next RELEVANT question?" Artemis asked again.

"Will you step away from that woman right now?" a dry, humorless female voice asked from the door. Akira gasped, seeing her own classmates Tatsumiya Mana and Sakurazaki Setsuna standing right there, as if they had arrived right out of nowhere. The former was clad in her priestess robes, gun in hand, her identically clothed apprentice Shiho standing right behind her holding several paper charms in her hands. The latter had her sword unsheathed, standing in a merciless battle ready pose. Akira panicked, knowing she'd be recognized for sure...

"Ah, it's you guys again," Sailor V crossed her arms. "Too busy brushing your teeth to arrive here on time?"

"Oh, excuse me?" Mana asked. "Who was the one who arrived late the last three times we slew an 'Orphan'?"

Setsuna walked to them challengingly with a harsh, stern expression Akira had never suspected her quiet, unassuming classmate could feature. "We have told you, we don't need unauthorized, unapproved vigilantes on these grounds..." she tensely told Sailor V before looking up and down at Akira. "And now you have an accomplice! Who are you?"

"M-Me?" Akira babbled, baffled about why Setsuna hadn't recognized her. Surely the goggles on her face couldn't hide her face so much... "I... I am... My name is... Sailor Mercury," she finished, trying to sound firm.

"I mean your real name," Setsuna added.

"That's all you need to know about her," Sailor V told her.

Mana, meanwhile, walked to Nyamo's side. "Sensei? Are you feeling well?"

The teacher nodded. "Yes. Yes, I am. It was nothing but a scare, really..."

"That's good to hear," Mana said. "Please forgive me."

"For what?"

"This." Tatsumiya pressed a paper charm against her forehead, and immediately, the woman fainted on her arms, as flaccid as a ragdoll.

"Sensei!" Akira gasped, trying to reach for her, but Sailor V blocked her way with an arm.

"Don't fear for her," Mana said, and Akira could notice an eerie faint glow in her left eye as she looked at her, as if scanning her body. A small, knowing smirk briefly graced the mercenary's lips. "It's just a routine procedure. She'll get her memory of this event erased, as well as Fenette-sempai and Mizuno-san. We'll also take this irregular under custody," she tapped on the block of ice holding Ichinose with the barrel of her gun. "Your services are appreciated, but no longer needed here."

"Are we going to let them walk away?" Setsuna disagreed. "Tatsumiya! Now there are two of them! We cannot turn a blind eye to this anymore! Konoemon-sensei will need to—"

"I agree with Sakurazaki-sempai, Onee-sama!" Shiho nodded. "It's our duty to make sure no events escape the Academy's control!"

"Shiho," Mana told her, icily. "If not for them, these girls would have died before we arrived. They've earned this much. We always can bring them in another day... if we're paid enough."

Akira really hoped that last sentence was Mana's idea of a joke. Probably not.

Sailor V grabbed her by an arm and began to walk out with her, walking past the other girls along Artemis. "Come on, Mercury-chan. Don't discuss it. Just let's go. As she said, our job here is done."

"Wait!" Setsuna said. "A classmate of mine, Ookuchi Akira, also belongs to this swimming club. Where is she?"

Akira was still for a moment, paralyzed by fear, until Mana answered for her, quietly. "Oh, yes, her. I met her earlier today. She looked rather ill after the ceremony. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she felt sick, and she couldn't attend this reunion today."

"Really? I don't remember that!" Shiho said dubiously, not really noticing the intent, analytical way Artemis was staring at her.

"It was while you were having lunch with Tate-sempai." Mana never lost her poker face.

Setsuna seemed to believe that. "I see. That's a relief." And she actually sounded softly relieved. "Now walk away, all three of you!" she told both Senshi and the cat. "Before someone else is arrives here!"

Akira shuddered once she finally felt they were out of sight, following Sailor V to the dorms' area. "That was... scary. Mana-san... Mana-san knows who I am! She must!"

"It wouldn't shock me. She's weird like that," V commented dryly.

Akira looked up and down her. "And you... You are Aino Minako-san, aren't you?"

"That's right."

"It's odd. I barely can recognize you, and not because of the mask. Somehow, you look... all the same, yet so different..."

"It's part of the transformation magic. You'll get used to it," Artemis told her.

"What about Mizuno-san? She's your roommate. Aren't you going to—"

Minako tossed her hands up. "This happens to Ami-chan all the time! Looks like it comes with being a Sailor Senshi's best friend. They'll only erase her memory of this particular incident, anyway."

Akira frowned. "I don't know how can you be so casual about this..."

"Like I said, you get used to this," Artemis added.

"But how did she know what kind of magic I had to use?" Ookuchi insisted.

"I have no idea," Aino admitted, looking troubled about it herself. "There are far too many things we don't know yet. Things we'd better discover soon. And for that... I'm going to need your help."

_Elsewhere:_

Jadeite, Dark General of the Dark Kingdom and current leader of the Dark Agency, clad in dark clothes befitting his rather dark rank, and such definitely someone not to talk lightly about, uttered a curse, closing his right hand into a tight fist and turning away from the projection mirror. "Idiotic mermaid. Now there are **two** of them for us to fight..."

A demon lurking in the shadows behind him spoke with a hideous voice. "On the other hand, she's pretty hot too..."

"Yes, I believe we could get some rather interesting developments out of this..." another demon agreed.

"Maybe we should allow them all to gather, and then, ahhh... finish them off in a single... strike..." yet another demon offered.

"I could bring a cousin of mine who's an expert at this magical schoolgirl stuff..." a fourth demon suggested. "He has tentacles and everything..."

Jadeite covered his own face with a hand. "Damn, why do they stick all the misfits Nephrite won't take with me?"

* * *

 

**Act 30: Sakurako**

_That night:_

"A toast to welcome Sakurako-chan into the fold!" Misa raised her glass of juice as high as she could. "It's as if Lady Luck herself had moved in with us!"

"Yay! Thanks, I'm so flattered!" Shiina giggled as her glass tapped against Misa's. Hakase followed suit rather clumsily, then Misora and Negi, Cocone, and finally, a reluctant Asuna and Chisame.

"So, Sakurako-chan, when are you getting your own Pactio?" Misa tickled her nose with a finger in a playful way. Normally, she'd have been against the mere idea of anyone else kissing her Negi-kun, but she could make an exception for Sakurako or Madoka.

"Don't toss the idea around so lightly!" Chisame snapped. When had her room become Weirdo Central? "Negi-sensei can't be throwing Pactios as if they were candy!"

Misa pouted. "Awww, what's your problem, Chi-chan? Sakurako-chan already knows, what's the matter if she gets a Pactio?"

Shiina laughed a bit awkwardly. "It's okay! I don't want to force Negi-kun into anything..."

"Mm-hmm," Chisame said incredulously. "That's why you planted that kiss on him back there..."

"She did?-!" Misora gasped.

"I... I would say you should do it," Hakase suggested.

"For real, Satomi-chan?" Sakurako blinked.

Negi was shocked as well. "Why would you say that...?"

"Well, uh... like Kakizaki-san said, at this point it makes no difference!" the genius blurted out. "If anything, it's better for Sensei. If somehow the word about our knowing his secret gets out, he at least will have an excuse for not erasing our memories if we're his partners. And besides, what if she gets attacked again when she's alone?"

"And you think it'd be hot seeing them kissing again..." Chamo whispered to her, as devilish as he could be. Hakase blushed, scowled, and pressed him against a wall with a foot without even looking at him or standing up.

"We're talking about Sakurako!" Asuna snipped. "She can't be unlucky enough to be attacked by monsters twice, ever!"

"Well..." Sakurako fidgeted, her cheeks glowing pink. "Actually, if Satomi-chan and Negi-kun don't mind... neither do I..."

"Why don't we submit it to voting?" Cocone asked.

"Pro!" Misa lifted a hand.

"Pro!" Hakase added her vote.

"Against!" Misora protested.

"Pro!" Chamo raised a paw.

"Against," Chisame mumbled. "Really, you're treating this as a joke!"

"Yeah, it only should be a last resource. Against," Asuna agreed.

"I abstain," Cocone monotoned.

"Pro," Tsunetsuki Matoi said from behind Chisame.

Chisame turned in shock. "Ack! You were there the whole time?"

"Of course," Matoi said.

"... Pro?" Sakurako asked hopefully.

"Your vote doesn't count!" Asuna told her.

"Why not?" Misa asked her. "You can vote for yourself in any serious competition, from Student Council President to Prime Minister!"

"Negi-kun!" Misora turned to him. "YOU cast the deciding vote!"

"She could be my Ministra, if he doesn't want to—" Cocone said, but sadly went unheard.

"Ah? What? Me?" he babbled. "But... but I... I need more time to thinkabout it...!"

Chisame breathed deeply. "We... We'll respect any decision you make."

Misora opened her mouth to protest, but upon seeing the confused, almost terrified expression on Negi's face, relented grumpily. "Yeah. Sure. We will."

Asuna blinked, then shrugged and looked aside. "Whatever. Not really my business anyway!" Her voice sounded somewhat sour while saying that, but even Chamo had the good sense to avoid pointing that out.

Negi remained perfectly still and silent for a few, okay, a lot of long tense moments before speaking shyly. "Very well... If no one's got a problem with it..."

"Bravo!" Misa tossed her hands up.

"That's my Bro...!" Chamo sniffed loudly, his chest puffing up with pride, already grabbing a piece of chalk apparently from nowhere. "Six already! Only twenty four left to go!"

"Chamo-san!" Hakase chided him.

"Twenty five, actually," Misora droned.

"Huh?" Asuna asked her.

"I'll tell you one of these days," the sister-in-training groaned.

Chisame had a neutral expression on as they all made room for Chamo to draw the circle. She was kinda getting used to this type of decadent incident by now. It was practically a habit. And at least Hakase seemed to be happy... maybe too eager, as a matter of fact, even if she was trying to keep her enthusiasm secret... but the way she already had a notepad in her hands and had even set up a camera told everything. Documentation for scientific purposes, her foot! Hopefully such compromising material would never fall into the wrong hands, like Asakura's...

_Asakura straightened from where she was lying in the bushes spying on Fuuka and Fumika acting strangely. "I smell a mysterious scoop…"_

The girls sat around the circle in expectant silence as Sakurako walked into it with a small nervous smile, and then Negi followed suit, apparently having serious second thoughts. But there was no turning back now.

"Ready, Negi-kun?" the cheerleader asked sweetly.

"N-N..." He saw the eagerness on her face and felt he couldn't let her down now. "... Yes..."

"Good. Then here we go," she breathed very deeply, pulled his face slightly up between her hands, and lowered her head a bit, softly placing a delicate kiss on his lips.

* * *

 

**Act 31: Negi and Sakurako**

This kiss was much gentler than Sakurako's previous one, and softer than any of the kisses the girls had ever given him, from Asuna's rough one to Hakase's awkward kissing. The effect was still the same in any case, and the jolt of magical energy was followed by the card'sappearanceas soon as their lips separated.

Negi caught the card in midair, in a manner that suggested he was actually finding this procedure almost routine by now, and cast the brief spell to produce the copy he handed over to Sakurako, pocketing the original. The girls gathered right behind her to check out the new card. It featured Sakurako in a perfect copy of her cheerleading outfit, smiling widely and lifting a leg up in a way that showed a glimpse of panty, holding a pom-pom high and another one against her hip.

_Siina Sacuraco._

_Hilaratrix Fortunans_

.

"... My name is badly written!" Sakurako lamented.

"Silly, that's your name in Greek!" Misa laughed.

"Latin!" Chisame and Hakase corrected her.

"What kind of lame power can this card give?" Misora scratched her head. "It's just a cheerleading outfit."

"Well, there's only one way to know..." Chamo tightened a fist, steam blowing off his nose. "Lucky-chan, transform!"

"Okay, but how do I—"

Hakase patiently lifted her card-holding hand up, keeping her arm steady and high. "It is extremely easy. All you need to do is to hold the card like this and pronounce the word 'Adeat'. Do it. It's perfectly safe to do indoors."

"Hakase..." Chisame spoke.

"Yes?"

"You don't need to be THAT close to her for her nude transformation sequence," the hacker said.

"Just let them be," Misa patted her on a shoulder. "You don't have a problem with it, do you, Sakurako-chan?"

Shiina was too busy already anticipating it in nervous ecstasy to even notice the question.

Negi coughed, picked Chamo up from the floor, and began walking out with him. "W-Well, I think that's our cue to leave for the moment..."

"NOOOOOO!" the ermine howled madly, trying to claw free and jump back into the room. "Bro, don't be so thoroughly evil! Don't betray our gender! I implore you...! REMEMBER THE BRO CODE!"

Chisame closed the door behind them and exhaled. "Little creep. Okay, Shiina, you're safe to go now."

Chamo sobbed while looking at the flash of light coming from under the room's door. "Life is simply so cruel... I'M IN DESPAIR! THIS CRUEL LIFE HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

_Somewhere, Itoshiki Nozomu looked up from filling his bathtub. "Again, I feel like my only appearance in this chapter is a cue gag and getting my catchphrase stolen," he mused. Then he slipped into bathtub, clothes and all, and checked to make sure the fuse was broken, before pulling the stringtide around a length of wood holding up a shelf, casuing a hair dryer, a toaster, an electric fan and a lava lamp to fall into the water…_

"It's the only thing a gentleman can do," Negi replied very seriously, keeping his arms crossed behind his back.

"I'm no man, much less a gentle one!" Chamo bashed his head against the floor.

Chisame opened the door a few moments afterwards. "It's done. Come in."

"Thanks," the boy walked back inside, seeing Sakurako standing at the middle of the room in her new cheerleading Pactio outfit, surrounded by the other Ministra and Cocone.

"You look positively radiant!" Hakase couldn't help but praise.

"Simply gorgeous!" Misa agreed.

"Thank you, girls..." Sakurako twirled around, posing for Negi. "What do think, Negi-kun? Does it look cute?"

"Errr... Errr, yes... very..." he nodded, a pink shade running down his nose and covering his cheeks. That angle she was standing at definitely showed a lot of leg.

"It's the same thing she always wears..." Misora groaned again.

"Yeah, yeah, it's very pretty, what does it do?" Asuna waved a hand against the other. "Those pom-poms are the Artifact, right? Then use them. Wave 'em around, do a little cheer, and let's see what happens..."

Sakurako looked doubful. "But what if I hurt someone? If they shoot death rays or acid spraying bullets?"

"They're pom-poms! How could they possibly be used as death weapons?-!" Asuna said.

Chisame had a nervous expression now. "I dunno, she might have a point. You never know with these weird magical things..."

Tentatively, Sakurako held a pom-pom up and weakly waved it in Chamo's direction. "WHY ME?-!" the ermine screamed.

"Chamo-san, Chamo-san, rah, rah, rah," the girl spoke with some fearful reluctance.

The ermine stiffened up suddenly.

"You okay?" Chisame asked him with some caution.

A thin line of blood trickled down his nose, his eyes fixed on them.

"Oh my God, you've killed him," Misora gasped. "No huge loss, true, but still—!"

"Chamo-kun!" Negi was aghast. "Tell me something! Anything!"

"I'm..." he babbled, "I am... the luckiest ermine in the world..."

"Eh?" Asuna's face curved down into a scowl.

Chamo laughed dumbly, his gaze going back and forth between the girls. "I can see right through...! Right through...!"

Veins popped up on the heads of Chisame, Asuna, Misa and Misora as they instinctively realized what he meant.

A moment later, he was savagely mobbed.

"SO WORTH IT...!"

Two hours later, Satomi sat on her bed comparing her notes. "Well, after using the Artifact on all of us, I believe I can safely conclude it works by emitting some sort of energy granting the target an 'impossible good fortune' aura that allows some of our wildest and unlikeliest longings to become true, even if only for spans of five minutes. Only that would explain why Chamo-san received X-Ray vision that only affected female's clothes, I gained ultimate scientific knowledge... again... briefly, Negi-sensei had that peculiar vision about his father, Chisame's computers became those... strongly interesting machines..., and when Sakurako-chan used it on herself, well... I had to be restrained by all of you..."

Shiina sighed, fixing her hair and her still disarrayed clothes. "All you had to do was to give us some private time..."

"As soon as you can afford a hotel room!" Chisame barked.

"What a weird Artifact," Misora pondered. "It's like some random super-power lottery of what we may want at any given time, no guarantees of what we'll get out of all our desires. Like low level reality warping? Still very powerful, but too unpredictable, and lasting only a short time..."

"Short?" Asuna blinked and looked at her wristwatch. "Crap, now I remember! I promised Kono-chan I'd be here only a short time! And now it's almost midnight! She must be horribly worried!"

"Yeah, same thing for Madoka," Misa said. "She isn't the type to keep on calling after us, but she must be feeling all home alone..."

_Konoka snuggled to her Setsuna Love Pillow, purring happily_ _**,** _ _her hips thrusting as she humped the pillow to... satisfaction. "Oh, Setchan... I only can pull you out of the closet when Asuna-chan isn't here... If only I could convince her to join us..."_

_Meanwhile, Madoka rolled on her bed uneasily. "I almost feel like I'm lacking something..." she mused. "Nah, couldn't have been important if I'd forgotten." She reached for a "Hakase Special Electric-Motor Driven Phallic Sexual Recreational Device", her thoughts turning to a certain boy…_

* * *

 

**Epilogue 1: Ayaka yet again**

The class had reunited once again, even though the actual term was just over, to finally decide on a destination for their upcoming trip. But once Negi suggested taking Konoka's idea and choosing Kyoto, the voting in Kyoto's favor became overwhelming.

"So, it's decided, then!" he exclaimed after finishing the vote tally. "Next week, Class 3-A will be going on a trip to Kyoto and Nara!"

The classroom exploded into wild cheering.

Ayaka clapped her hands softly, with a lingering expression on her face. Their teacher looked so happy now, she couldn't help but wonder about the reason. Was he so eager to please Konoka, or had he another motive? True, he was pretty enthusiastic about almost everything, but he had seemed all but outright dismissive when the other choices had been brought , what ten year-old would dismiss Disneyland? Makie had almost cried when it lost. She couldn't help but wonderi if it had any connection to everything Siesta had told her about his background...

Yue had a similar expression as she kept on looking at him. The longer she thought about it, the more baseless her own theories on Negi's supposed magical condition looked to her. And yet...

On the seat next to hers, Chisame thoughtfully tapped a pencil on her desk again and again. After everything Negi had told her about his conversation with Evangeline on the Kyoto subject, his drive didn't shock her, but it still was kind of baffling to see how he was so devoted to a man he only had met once in his life.

"Wheee! A school trip! I can't wait!" Fumika cheered.

"I want next week to come right now!" Fuuka exclaimed.

Konoka smiled warmly. "Thank you, everyone... This means so much to me...!"

At the rear seats, Setsuna twitched uncomfortably, unnoticed by everyone.

Kyoto again, after so long...

She didn't notice Akira eyeing her nervously. Mana, however, did. She found it all amusing…

**Urahara's Shop**

_That very same morning, at the same time._

Tessai towered over Jinta's small cowering frame, holding the bottle of Good Fortune Paradise in a gigantic hand. "And you gave that young maid... the bottle of the lust potion...?"

"I-I-I didn't give her anything!" the boy stammered. "She took the wrong bottle while I... was, uhh... too busy... with something extremely important..."

Ururu suddenly remembered she had a lot of work to do at the kitchen, cooking... anything, really... and slipped away in complete silence.

Tessai's battle aura swirled around him as he loomed over Jinta even more. "How many times do we have to tell you videogames are forbidden during work hours...?"

Urahara whistled, finishing with his luggage and heading for the front door. "Well, I leave everything in your able hands! I just remembered I have _even more urgent business_ out of town right now!"

"Urahara-dono!" Tessai gasped. "Are you abandoning us to our own luck?"

"Of course not!" the shopkeeper said. "I left you the number of a good lawyer on the table! I'm sure not even the Yukihiro Zaibatsu will be able to hire someone better..."

"... You haven't been the same ever since Kakizaki-dono did that to you, Urahara-dono," the massive man pointed out.

"Girls from that class are really terrifying opponents. Make sure to remember that," his boss told him.

Jinta groaned. "Eh, for all we know, nothing happened. That maid knows how to read the label. And no one else would be stupid enough to drink it without knowing what it was..."

Meanwhile, at the Yukihiro Manor, Roberta looked quizzically at the bottle she had just found on Siesta's night stand while looking for her younger fellow maid. She eyed the label, written in that strange language, with some apprehension. But it looked like Colombian whisky, smelt like Colombian whisky, and she hadn't taken a sip of her homeland's liquor in so, so, so horribly long...

Normally, she would have been too wary to drink anything at all like that, but she had come to feel safe at the Manor, the only place on Earth where she felt like lowering her guard a bit. She trusted her mistress, and by extension, her fellow servants, as long as Ojou-sama trusted them as well.

Siesta-san wouldn't notice if she took only a tiny drink from the bottle...

Roberta quickly served herself a small cup, swallowed it down in a single gulp, corked the bottle again, and stepped out of the room hastily, blushing just a bit. Dammit, it had tasted even better than she remembered it. Like a one night stand in a bottle…

She found Siesta at the servants' dining room, eating breakfast with Fabiola, Fubuki-san, Taeko-san and Okajima-san, the accountant guy. Okay, financial advisor, technically, but Roberta had never been one to know the exact terminology of finances. Due to one of those appreciated coincidences that often happen in these kindsof fanfics, Sebastian-sama, the old butler, was out for the next few days visiting a sick relative.

"Oh, here you are," Roberta addressed Siesta, dry as ever. "I have a need to know if you have—"

Then she stopped in mid sentence, noticing the strange way all the other employees were looking at her now.

"—Is there something wrong with my appearance?"

"Absolutely nothing wrong at all..." Taeko sighed dreamily.

Okajima-san's hand dropped his fork. "Never seen anything better, actually..."

Roberta's brow twitched. "What?"

Fubuki slipped past behind her and locked the door.

The ensuing scene was too much to escape from, even for a veteran of the Colombian guerrilla. To her credit, Roberta gave one of her best fights ever. For like five minutes or so.

Then, on top of the charred wreckage of the room, that long repressed truly wild side was reborn...

Jinta arrived a few hours later, with two major bumps on his head and the antidote ready. The scene he stumbled into scarred him for life.

By the time Ayaka came back, all her questions on what had happened to the servants' quarters and why they all had hickeys all over their bodies were only met with evasions and mutterings about a gas leak.

Funny enough, Ayaka thought, Roberta SEEMED somewhat more chipper than usual when serving her dinner that night...

* * *

 

**Epilogue 2: Emily**

**Lovely Ariadne Academy Theater, Part 1**

As much as the mage societies of Mundus Vetus, the Old World located on Earth, struggled to keep all their secrets… well, _secret_ , some things occasionally filtered to public knowledge. Naturally, the mages were quick to turn those details into popular, harmless cultural trivia that passed as nothing but parts of childish legends, light entertainment or conspiracy insanity.

So, mages did indeed receive lessons on Defense Against The Dark Arts. But contrary to popular belief, Defense teachers most often lasted for several years at their posts. After all, they would never get those assignments without being the absolute best in their fields.

And so, we cast our gazes towards the old and venerable Ariadne Academy at Mundus Magicus. For almost thirteen years now, ever since recovering from her beloved's demise, the tall, shapely and black haired figure in red standing before Class 3-C had been the most respected Defense teacher for all aspirants to the title of Magic Knight. At the Old World her mere appearance might have inspired great confusion and even fear, but at the helm of a class combining humans, beast girls and the occasional demoness trying to be their species' weird idea of what a delinquent was, no one ever minded the fact she had a beak and feathers.

She clapped her hands only once, and that was the signal for the very pretty blonde who had showed up in the first magic letter Ayaka had ever seen to step forward with a bouquet of red roses between her hands.

The young woman breathed deeply and spoke with a clear, firm voice. "Welcome," she told the four legged figure standing next to Miss Macawber. "In my humble position as Class Representative, it is both my duty and my pleasure to accept you as one of us. May this strengthen the ties between this city state and the fair queendom of Equestria even more." She put a knee down, bowing her head respectfully and extending the flowers to her new classmate. "My name is Emily Sevensheep. Charmed to greet you." She ignore Raspberyl's intense stare directed at her. The girl was still quite annoyed at her for beating her for the Class rep position…

The small quadrupedal creature with the single horn on her forehead made a brief but noticeable awkward show of restraint, overcoming her primal urge, spurred by her nerves, to munch on the flowers, gracefully accepting the bouquet in her mouth instead, delicately placing it at her hooved... feet, for a lack of a better term. "Likewise, it is a sincere pleasure to be here. Good afternoon to all of you. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I extend my deepest thanks to you, in the name of our beloved Princess Celestia."

"I'm Spike," the tiny purple scaly thing on her back waved a paw.

At the back of the class, a petite girl with long pink hair groaned in a very low voice. "What are we coming to? This is supposed to be a classroom, not a stable..."

"Shut up, Louise," the tall buxom redhead sitting at her right hushed her. The duck next to them gave them a slightly annoyed look, before she went back to muttering about how all problems could be solved with lasers…

Emily stood back up, satisfied with the way her welcome had been presented. The hours of practice had paid off.

Twilight (not to be confused with any franchise of books and movies that... wait, we already covered our ratio of Twilight jokes for this chapter. Sorry) allowed herself a small confident smile, satisfied with the way her response had been declared. The hours of practice had paid off.

"I am sure this will be the beginning of a wonderful collaboration," Miss Macawber nodded, pleased as well. "And so, Miss Sevensheep, as befitting your role of representative for this class, Headmistress Seras has asked me to tell you... You have been selected to guide Miss Sparkle and her companion during their first year of studies at this Academy. Starting next week, you will be sharing your living quarters with them."

Emily's face instantly froze in an uneasy rictus. Sitting a few desks behind her, her short haired best friend sighed somewhat sadly.

A world away, at Mahora, Ayase Yue suddenly had the strangest sensation.

"Yue-Yue?" Nodoka asked. "Are you feeling okay?"

"It's... nothing, Nodoka. Just had a weird feeling. As if someone kind of stole something that was supposed to be mine..."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"... To be honest, I have no idea either."

* * *

 

**Epilogue 3: Confessions of a Lolicon**

Father Garterbelt was a very scary person. An enormous mountain of a man, pure dark-skinned muscle under priest robes, always with an intensity more fitting a weathered soldier or an action hero than a man of the cloth. Even Sister Shakti was wary of him. That imposing, larger than life presence was the main thing preventing children, especially those named Kasuga, from making fun of his name. In his hearing range, at least. He knew they made jokes about it when (they thought) he couldn't hear, but he considered it part of his penance for everything he'd done before embracing the Lord's cause. Though he thought having to put up with Kotomine Kirei's lectures was a bit too much. Evil bastard.

Misora was simply terrified of him, but luckily for her mental health, he spent most of his time away from Mahora, often along with Sister Yukariko and Sister Eda. Something about "missions of preaching and conversion..."

_Eda lovingy caressed the demon's face as Father Garterbelt shot it from behind..._

He was staying over for a few days now, however, and since he was the only one authorized to run the confessional, those of a Christian bent, or those who wanted to share gossip but were under serious threats to keep things secret (who were a freaking lot of people, since we're talking about Mahora), had swarmed over to his confession booth all day long.

"F-F-Father, I am in love with Negi-kun..."

"We all freakin' know, Misora! Now go and let someone else use this!"

"Father, I believe I have been mind wiped again..."

"It's just your imagination, Mizuno-kun. And besides, this isn't the right place for saying that..."

"Father, I think you're hot in a rugged macho kind of way..."

"For the last time, Saotome-kun, I've taken vows of celibacy!"

Truth be told, he often indulged himself here and there... and over there and somewhat further there... But that Saotome girl was simply too scary. Even for him.

"BWAK! BWAAAK, BUCK-KAW, BUCKAWWWK!"

"... Pray five Hail Marys a night for the next two weeks, Boo-sensei."

"Father, I have long recurring fantasies of TAKING OVER THE WORLD! I don't consider that a sin since I'm clearly the only one qualified to take mankind to a new age of prosperity and glory under my iron clad dictatorship, but still, I consider my continuing failures at succeeding at my goal an unforgivable sin. Also, I'd like to know if there are some prayers I could say to help my endeavors to reach fruit. Not like a rational mind like mine believes on such superstitions, of course, but—"

Garterbelt sighed and reached for his cellphone. "Hakase-kun? YOUR LAB RATS HAVE ESCAPED THEIR CAGE AGAIN! Oh, pray to Saint Jude, Brain-sensei."Hey, the rat had doctorates, he was entitled to a _little_ respect and recognition.

"Father, I have no worries at all. Isn't that a bad thing? Aren't we supposed to reach salvation through suffering or something?"

"... Just go away, Sakaki-kun."

"Father, I feel funny when I look at Negi-sensei..."

"Hirano-kun, for God's sake, he's ten!"

"Father, I'll never admit it to anyone else, but I'm starting to think Negi-sensei is hot... What should I do? How am I supposed to clean my mind from those horrible nasty feelings for a man?"

"... Weren't you supposed to be a hardcore lesbian, Honsho-kun?"

"Father, I know Uncle Souichi will be angry if he learns I'm here, but I must confess something I haven't ever told anyone... Whenever I look at Class 3-A's child teacher from afar, my heart beats so much faster..."

"... Shouldn't this segment be titled 'Confessions of a Million Shotacon'?" the man wondered. "Regardless, Tomoe-san, pray for God to sooth your impure thoughts. Why don't you get a hobby or something. Tea maybe, or collecting antique muskets. And if God sends you an expressionless talking animal, just kick it of your house before he suggests you make any deals, okay?"

The last person to visit him that afternoon had, however, another kind of interest.

"Father, I need to know, can I be called a Lolicon if I like ten year-old girls, despite being a ten year-old girl myself?"

"... Who is this girl you speak of, child?"

"Why, Sakura-chan, of course! She's so simply cute and beautiful, her charms are impossible to resist! She looks dashing in everything, and she's so athletic and healthy, and so cheerful, a good cook, friendly to everyone, loyal to a fault, and—"

"You aren't a Lolicon, Daidouji-kun. Just a raging out-of-control dyke. I advice you to control your urges to ravish that poor girl, at least until you're both 13 and legal. And for the name of all that's holy, try not to fall in love with Negi-sensei as well. Oh yes, and pray five Hail Marys a night for the rest of your life."

"Thank you, Father Garterbelt! You're so understanding!"

Tomoyo skipped out of the church happily, petting the head of Garterbelt's dog as she went out. "Good afternoon, Chuck-kun!"

"BARK! BARK!"

The Father sighed as he closed the confession booth, ready for a good hot bath, a shot of rum, a few hours at his room with his secret stash of gay porn, and a long, long, night of sleep. Some called him too liberal in his methods, but what the hell. After all, they never called him like that on his face. And at least he wasn't a total bastard like Kotomine. If they weren't on the same side…

Cocone quickly hid the picture of Misora she had been kissing behind her back as she saw him passing by.

"Make sure Shakti doesn't catch you doing that, " the man told her humorlessly, not even looking at her.

The girl only nodded, her skin tone mostly hiding her adorable blush.

* * *

 

**Author's Notes:**

Whoo. That WAS much longer than I had intended at first…

Some of you might be taking the twist with Ayaka is not so "Controversial" as the prior chapter's preview promised. Truth be told, my original intent for this chapter was to involve her… in a much more direct way… with the Love Potion, but then I thought better about it. Ayaka isn't ready for THAT yet. Yet.

The game Jinta was playing is two highly obscure references rolled into one. The first part of its name is inspired by the PSP game _Unlosing Ranger vs. Darkdeath Evilman,_ replacing 'Unlosing' with Negima's Baka Rangers, of course. But then we have Lord Deathman replacing Darkdeath Evilman, Deathman was a villain debuting in the insanely obscure Batman manga from the sixties. He recently resurfaced in the _Batman: The Brave and the Bold_ animated series and the _Batman Inc._ comic series. How he avoided Blackest Night is a mystery. _Batman Incorporated_ , no joke, is the latest Batman series. Batman is now an international franchise!

The 'other blonde girl fighting a lonely war against the forces of evil using shape-changing powers given to her by a four-legged furry thing' is a reference to Rachel of _**Animorphs**_.

* * *

 

_**Next Time on "Unequally Rational and Emotional":** _

_Sliders finally appear AND the start of the Kyoto arc! With the Kyoto trip just around the corner, Mahora finds itself visited by… Negi Springfield and Ala Alba? Huh? What's going on here? Don't miss it! Leave lots of reviews, please! It powers our imagination engine!_


	29. Lesson 25: Ala Alba

Shadow Crystal Mages's A/N: The unholy has happened. If you're reading this, you're about to find out what. PREPARE FOR THE DESCENT TO MADNESS!

This is a time-skip of sorts for the 2814 universe, with the events taking place after the current arc of 2814. Bit of a teaser, but for all you know, everyone died and these are their clones…

By the way, 2814 now has a Wiki. Check out "2814universe dot wikia dot com". And also, how about going over and checking the original story and leaving some really long reviews…

OverMaster's A/N: Hello, OM here. Don't worry about the whole clones thing, it's just a joke… I think. Anyway, this chapter begins both the Kyoto arc and a crossover with the Negima section of _Takamachi Nanoha of 2814_. Thanks to SCM for co-writing this chapter, and to Darkening for his own proof reading.

SCM again: You're very welcome. Sorry, always wanted to do that. It's on the same list as where I say "FIRE MAIN CANNON!" and "I can feel this body _dying_ around me!"

...

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL**

LESSON 25: "AUDACIA PAULA! WHITE WINGS TAKE FLIGHT! "

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. (Bummer).

_Ah my Goddess!_ and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

_The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi_ belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru.

_Black Lagoon_ belongs to series creator Hiroe Rei.

_Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

_Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

_Sailor Moon_ belongs to Takeuchi Naoko.

_Captain Barbell_ created by Mars Ravelo. Yes, such a character exists. (OM's Note: Don't ask me, I'm just as shocked as you guys…)

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

**SCM's Warning:** this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, and slight amounts of cake. If you dislike excessive amounts of the aforementioned… then how the heck did you get this far reading this? Are you simply masochistic? Or are you so intent on telling us what's wrong with this fic and why you hate it so much and how we're canon rapists that you'll actually keep reading just so you're well-researched? In that case, you are in serious need of mental help, dood…

**OM's Warning:** Ummmm… Well, yeah, basically that. Please enjoy this; we poured all our hearts and effort into it.

...

**Prologue 1: Roberta's Love.**

_Six Years Ago:_

"Chaka." The voice came outas harsh and haunting as the bark of a dog from hell. But the creature standing over Chaka's fallen, bloodied body was not a three headed giant Cerberus with huge drooling jaws full of fangs.

It was something scarier.

"You went too far, Chaka," the woman hissed inhumanly, aiming the shotgun built into her umbrella at his head (a genuine Cobblebot-endorsed item, not like those cheap rip-offs you find these days) like Mary Poppins after a _**REALLY**_ bad day. "What the hell were you thinking? Thought we'd cave into your demands? That we'd get our hands dirty to help you gain control over the Washimine family? Get this into your head before I blow it off; the Yukihiro Zaibatsu never will get involved with people like you!"

The bleached young gangster still smiled cockily at her, even though his teeth were all dangling like the keys of a broken piano, about to fall off at any moment. "Yeah. Yeah, sure, I get it. That's why you're working for them, isn't it... Bloodhound of Florencia?"

The woman growled, pressing a foot down on his crotch until it bled. To his credit, he barely screamed. To his lack of credit, there wasn't much to press down on.

The man huffed and puffed, still attempting to stand back on broken legs even though he had, metaphorically, already had his house blown down. "You hypocrite bitch... After all you've done, you got the galls to try and call me on my business?-!"

"Shut up," she said, pushing the shotgun's barrel against his mouth ("Rust proof tip, perfect for intimidation, acid flowers, and Bat gadgets!"). "I don't care what you or anyone else may think about it. But you dared kidnap the _Señorita_. That very moment, you signed your death sentence."

The man snarled, defiant to the end, even though his voice cracked with some hints of fear. "Then just do it, bloodhound bitch. You might love your precious kid, but let's see if that prissy little cunt keeps on loving you once she finds out the kind of person you really are..."

"That's none of your business, Chaka," she said. "And you never should offend a young lady like that."

She pulled the trigger, and a grotesque collage of red splattered in all directions (Joker's Note- "Perfect for the hanging on your refrigerator! Or all over the kitchen! Ha ha ha hahahahahaha!").

The woman sighed and put her round thick glasses back on. She turned her back on him and slowly walked all over the bullet riddled corpses that had been behind her, soon reaching the door. She walked into the room, quickly closing the door behind herself so the horrors right outside would remain unseen by her young mistress.

"Roberta!" Ayaka chirped from the chair she was tied to, finally relieved at seeing a familiar face, smiling brightly despite the redness of her tearful eyes and the red slap mark on her right cheek.

"Ojou-sama." With a kind smile, the maid bowed to her, then began undoing her ropes. "Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"I am... fine, Roberta," the small blonde replied, rather firmly all things considered. The maid sighed, relieved those monsters apparently had not done anything too traumatizing to her. And her young mistress was brave and strong, even more than many men Roberta had met through her years in the seedy worlds of violence. Ayaka-chan turned to the terrified girl with long dark hair and glasses tied to the chair next to her. "It's all right, Yukio-chan! She's Roberta! My serv— My friend!" she corrected herself, trying to comfort the older child.

"Washimine Yukio-sama? Daughter of Washimine Ryuzo-sama?" Roberta asked while untying the second child.

"Y-Yes..." she replied, still afraid. The woman smelled of gunpowder and blood all over, much like her father's men.

The maid nodded. "I'll take you back with your father as well."

She took a child by each hand and began guiding them to the back door.

"Why don't we go the way you came from, Roberta?" Ayaka asked.

"That way is... dirty, Ojou-sama."

"And what were all those horrible noises?" her precious Señorita asked again.

"I'll tell you later, Ojou-sama."

Six years after, she still hadn't told her. She was sure Ayaka knew by now, naturally. But she had the good grace of never bringing the issue up again.

At the night of the anniversary, every year, Yukio Ojou-sama, always escorted by her bodyguard Ginji, and Ayaka Ojou-sama, would get together, just to have pastries and dine together, quietly, never talking about that day.

At most, Ayaka would ask, "So... how is your father's business doing?"

And Yukio Ojou-sama would shyly answer, "Well... Yashida-san is giving us some problems, but... nothing we cannot handle..."

Ayaka would nod politely and offer her more biscuits. "Is it true Daidouji-chan is trying to move in…?"

**Prologue 2: Miscalculation.**

_Today:_

Evangeline hummed to herself as she flipped through the thick dusty tome, with several dozens of similarly big books stashed at her side, their treatment sure to appall any member of the Library Club and drive them to apoplectic fury. She had been reading for hours now, even going as far as to actually put on reading glasses that would have made almost anyone go all "Awww" over her if they saw her. Assuming they could look past the fact that, other than those, she was wearing nothing but black panties.

…

Um, where were we? Oh yeah, black panties…

…

Oh! Right, the story…

Her private library was otherwise completely silent; only Chachamaru stood at the door with her hands crossed over her lap, and even she was in standby mode.

"Interesting," Eva finally said. "So, it's just as I suspected. I * _did_ * go overboard when biting the Boya that night. Not my intention at all, but..."

Now that made Chachamaru to tense in wariness– metaphorically speaking, of course. She was a robot, she didn't need o tense. "Master?"

"I knew his blood tasted too different last time I drank it," she said, rubbing her small chin, remembering her encounter with him a few days ago. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped now..."

"What do you mean, Master?" the gynoid asked with noticeable concern.

"Nothing." Evangeline put the book down. "Relax. It won't kill him. If anything, it's the opposite."

The robot barely looked any calmer now. "I see..."

Eva smiled somewhat smugly. "You want to know the details, don't you?"

Chachamaru looked down. "It is not my place to press you on your research, Master... However, if you saw fit to inform me, I... I'd be greatly honored..."

The blonde chuckled and gestured for her to get closer. "I'll tell you. But not a single word to anyone or you'll regret it dearly. I'll tell the Boya myself when he's ready for it..."

**Act 1:**

_Another Universe, Another Earth:_

It was a perfectly average day in Mahora. It had all started the same way for nearly everyone on campus, from the humblest super-Shinso vampire to the most badass librarian. Get up, get dressed, run frantically to catch the train, meet friends at the station, run frantically to class, go to school, head to your next port of call, hear mysterious voice calling your name…

KIDDING! The last one didn't happen.

Satsuki of High School class 1-A hummed a soundless tune as she ran her restaurant car, dealing with the afternoon crowd. The TV that hung in the car above the bar was set on a news program rather than, say a sporting event or people stupidly competing in what was essentially a season-long gameshow, but none of her patrons were complaining. In fact, you'd actually doubt what they were watching was a news program if you went by their reactions alone, a complicated series of cries, cheers and wolf-whistles as they crowded around all free space to watch. Satsuki briefly debated getting a bigger TV.

"– _aster was averted in the Philippines thanks to the heroic efforts of the international Science Action Team, the Justice League,"_ the newscaster of Metro News Ichi said, to rabid applause. " _While the idea of teams of superheroes is not new, an idea pioneered by the premiere Magical Girl team known as the Sailor Senshi, this international endeavor promises to do so on a scope beyond anything previously organized, second only to the alliance known as the United Magical Girl Association._ " There was more cheering, and Satsuki allowed herself a brief smile, glancing at the second train car behind this one. " _From its beginnings completely thwarting the attempted invasion of extra-terrestrial shape-shifting vampires, the Justice League has quickly begun to make put its mark upon the world, acting as an international emergency quick response team in cases of natural disasters, as well as dealing with rogue metahumans and other beings that local forces and heroes are ill-equipped to handle. Although skeptics predicted a backlash from local 'heroes' at the outside interference, the opposite has happened, with heroes from all nations welcoming the group with open arms._ "

A dark-skinned, dark clad man with a rather nice hat was being interviewed onscreen, with the subtitle identifying him as 'Anansi', from Africa. " _While I admit I usually prefer to work alone,_ " he said in dubbed Japanese, " _I would never refuse aid selflessly given, especially not from so noble a personage as Superman! In this field, help is always welcome. It is so often not there when one needs it._ "

It shifted to another interview, of a fur-covered beast-man who spoke with an accent before the dub covered it over. " _Hey, no complaints from me. We sometimes get some of those giant ocean monsters stomping through here, lost, and let me tell you, it's a pain in the neck to get 'em to leave with just these little things._ " He raised his hand, showing a nasty set of claws. The subtitle read 'Tasmanian Devil'. " _But that little Green Lantern girl and her ferret friend have always been nice about popping over when I give them a ring. Got them on my speed dial for stuff like that. If this League means next time I call she's got big blue, the Flash, and those other guys with her, then more power to 'em!_ " A pause. " _No, I'm_ not _going to give you her number._ "

The screen cut to another interview, showing a muscular man in tight-fitting yellow spandex-like material that had become common after being popularized by Superman, a red cape over his shoulders. For some reason, he was holding an enormous barbell, idly twirling it as easily as one would a straw. " _Superman is my idol!_ " the hero, identified as 'Captain Barbell' from the Philippines, said. " _He's the reason I do what I do to help people! Why would I be mad? Hell, I'd be okay with the Justice League coming to help more often! Frankly, we're swamped here, and things have gotten a little short-handed since Wapak-man ran for Senator, especially since he still does the professional boxing on the side. Did you see him beat out Mosley the Saturday before Mother's Day? Mabuhay ang Katarungan! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!_ "

The program shifted back to the studio. " _In other news, Akihabara is abuzz with the new 'armored knight' and 'combat meido' look, started by Mahora's very own courageous Leader Red– oh, excuse me, she's calling herself 'Twilight Red' now–and the elegant AngelGARd…_ "

As the news report droned on, Satsuki wondered what the 'courageous Twilight Red and elegant AngelGARd' were doing…

...

" _WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO CHACHAMARU?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!_ "Hakase Satomi cried as she entered the robotics lab from a side-door, the exclamation being absorbed by the constant, roaring din echoing through her lab.

Asuna sighed as she helped the gynoid onto the workbench, cleaning away some of the usual clutter. "Will you unclench, Hakase? Chachamaru's arm just got a little banged up, okay?" She turned to the gynoid. "I _told_ you trying to save all those kittens from that falling tree in one go was a stupid idea!"

"The objective was achieved," Chachamaru said. "There are no regrets."

Negi frowned, wrapping one of Hakase's labcoats around himself. Unlike the girls, his combat outfit didn't disappear when he deactivated his Artifact, since he didn't have an Artifact to deactivate. The long-tailed battle-outfit he wore–which Chisame sometimes sarcastically called an 'asscape'– was a variation of the clothes he wore while training, modified to be quite distinctive. "Still, Chachamaru-chan, you should be careful," he said, mouth puckering slightly in what would almost be a pout, as it usually did when he was trying to look serious to convey the gravity of a situation to his students. Consensus agreed it just made him cuter. "If anything happened to you, we'd be devastated."

Hakase sighed and took her stethoscope off Chachamaru's back, knowing the gynoid's internal pump would be too busy over-clocking for her to get a decent sample after a comment like that. She checked just to make sure. Yup, Chachamaru was definitely blushing. As a mother, she should probably be concerned about that…

The door to her lab burst open, and Evangeline stomped in, a not-actually-stressed-enough-to-be-called-worried Konoka and a sighing Setsuna walking in after the little vampire. " _WHAT HAPPENED TO CHACHAMARU!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!_ "she demanded, ignoring the fact that Chachamaru was there and apparently perfectly fine.

An irate Chisame followed in after her, only two of her usual six robot maids trailing after her, a Shamal-type and a Vita-type. Mint and Chitose, Hakase thought they were. "Look, I told you, she's fine!" the hacker said, still not changed from her preferred Biblion-Roulan-Rouge-slash-Calculator battle outfit, her Artifact still in her hands. "It was just a little servo trouble! Her self-repair systems will probably get it fixed by itself in an hour. Honestly, you've both been such worrywarts lately. By the way, Hakase, could you take a look at my maids for me? Ranpha, Forte, Milfeulle, and Vanilla are kinda beat."

" _YOU GOT MY SERVANT CUT IN HALF!_ " Evangeline cried as Hakase angrily jerked her head in agreement.

"Please don't be so loud, Eva-sama," Yue said, entering the room sipping on some Salted-Milk soda with Nodoka and Haruna in tow, the latter still messing with her Artifact even though she'd had the good sense to change her clothes. "The walls are thick, but they're not completely soundproof. And it only happened once. Besides, Chachamaru isn't angry at us over it."

"Beside the point!" Evangeline snapped. "My servant didn't used to get beat up like this!"

"She didn't used to be a Magical Girl," Chamo pointed out as he clambered up to Negi's shoulder. "Come on, Eva-chin, lighten up!"

Evangeline jabbed a finger in Chamo's direction. The ermine cried out and nearly fell off in panic. "Watch it, worthless rodent! It's full moon tonight! Don't try my patience!"

There was a change in pitch to the roaring echoing through the lab.

"Hey, Hakase!" a voice cried from the room Hakase had come from. "Is it supposed to be wobbling like that?"

Chisame blinked. "What's Kuro doing here?"

"She's helping me with an experiment," Hakase said. "I'm trying to see if I can use Multi-Dimensional Refraction Phenomenon with a contained energy chronal-spatial singularity to create a stable cross-spatial distortion."

Asuna blinked in confusion. "Huh?" she said, turning to Chisame.

Chisame shrugged, looking annoyed. "Hey, don't look at me. I'm a hacker, not a thesaurus."

Yue frowned. "Wait, you left an experiment running unsupervised?

"It's not unsupervised!"" Hakase huffed. "Einzbern-san is keeping an eye on it!"

"Hakase, the sword is starting to vibrate!" Kuro's voice cried. "Something smells like it's burning…Oh, crap!"

A moment later, the dark-skinned Fate Knight was running into the room, a bright-yellow safety helmet on her head. "RUN AWAY!" she cried.

There was an electric sizzle from the next room, and the lights flickered. Hakase frowned. "Did the containment field go dow–?"

It was shear dumb luck that the blast threw Hakase out of the lab. The others, experienced as they were with sudden explosions, ducked for cover. This would later turn out to be a bad idea.

Asuna quickly got to her feet as the doors out of the lab swung wildly, a vaguely Hakase-shaped indent on the thick foam padding it had on this side. "Everyone all ri–?"

This was not a day for completing sentences. In fact, it was a very bad day fo–

The doors to the inner lab were ripped off their hinges, and Asuna was knocked down as, with a sudden roar, the air was suddenly moving at gale-force towards the experiment chamber. There was the creak of stressed masonry as the air pressure in the chamber dropped to zero and went into the negatives in less than a heartbeat, Asuna actually getting lifted up and sent flying towards the room.

Chachamaru reacted swiftly, one hand clamping down so hard to the workbench bolted to the floor she left handprints, the other shooting out towards Asuna, trailing behind a length of high-strength cord. The rocket punch managed to catch Asuna, the hand at the end of it coming down to clamp on her arm like a manacle. The line went taut as Asuna dangled from it, gravity overcome by the powerful suction, hanging like some kind of strange kite.

There were twin cries as the lightweight Yue and Nodoka were knocked off their feet in the gale, and Chachamaru reacted as best as she could, swinging Asuna to intercept their trajectory. Thankfully, the princess managed to catch them, tucking them under her free arm like they were oversized rolls of laundry. The servos in Chachamaru's arm kicked into gear, pulling the three back over to Chachamaru. The retrieval was slow due to their added weight, and the fight against the enormous suction wasn't helping.

Negi and Evangeline had managed to get a hold of the workbench, the vampire cursing in what sounded like Romanian. Negi's clothes flapped wildly in the wind as he reached out to grab Chisame, Setsuna and Konoka, who were sliding across the floor, even weighed down as they were by the maids. He managed to pull them towards the bench, their added weight giving the mounting stability. Chamo had run into one of Negi's sleeves. Too late, Chachamaru's internal language database finally raised a card as they translated what Hakase had been saying.

" _A contained energy chrono-spatial singularity to create a stable cross-spatial distortion"…:"A black hole to create a stable wormhole."_

Had Chachamaru been less of a nice person, or had she been named after, say, some sort of firearm, she'd have been very inclined to call her mother an idiot.

A piece of glassware bounced off the side of Chachamaru's head. Other things in the room were also flying, being drawn up by the incredibly powerful suction. There was a crack as the door handle Haruna had been holding on to broke. A red-clad arm shot out, managing to grab the mangaka's ankle. Kuro had thrust several swords into the floor, using them as braces and handholds to steady herself, but even with the leverage, the homunculus looked like she was struggling with the mangaka's weight.

"Nice thong!" she managed to call out.

"Thanks!" Haruna answered back, managing to keep hold of her hat and Artifact. "Want it?"

"Maybe later!"

"WOULD YOU TWO PERVERTS FOCUS!" Asuna cried, deafening poor Nodoka and Yue…

Chachamaru's eyes narrowed. Nodoka's eyes were half-lidded, and she looked like she was falling unconscious. Yue looked about the same, feebly raising a hang to rub her eyes. What…?

_The air…_ Chachamau realized. _The air is getting difficult for them to breath. In a few minutes, everyone but the master and myself will lose consciousness._

The roaring rose higher.

With a cry, Kuro lost the battle against leverage, and she and Haruna went tumbling past, looking like someone had turned the entire building 90 degrees as they 'fell' back towards the experiment chamber.

The workbench groaned. Then, with a crack of badly welded metal tearing, the whole workbench was ripped out of the ground. Frantically, Chachamaru twisted, letting go of the bench and managing to wrap her legs around Evangeline, Negi and Chisame, her free arm rising as she aimed for the open doors out of the lab, aiming for the doorframe, and launched her rocket punch.

There was a click, and error messages appeared on her diagnostics as the arm jammed. Horrified, Chachamaru could only turn to stare at their destination.

In the now completely stripped experiment chamber, drawing them in as if they were falling, an enormous, rainbow colored sphere stood surrounded by what looked like an energy projection array, several arms outlining an imaginary circle. One of the arms had a slightly charred look to it. It wasn't a perfect sphere, fluctuating and bulging like something inside a lava lamp in the area of the charred arm…

And then the rainbow was all around them, and Chachamaru could _feel_ the stresses all around her, on more than just her body's skin sensors. It was as if some unregistered, unlogged internal sensor was also being subjected to stress, and she could feel the effects on that sensor more acutely and urgently than on anything else she was equipped with. She couldn't help it. Chachamaru cried out…

The last thing she heard properly was Asuna, Kuro and Chisame's cry of " _ **HAKASE, YOU IDIIIIIOOOOOTT!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!**_ "

...

In Juuban, Tsukino Usagi suddenly cried out, clutching at her head. She collapsed in the midst of the picnic they were having, her sight growing dark as she saw Mamoru, rushing to her side, Jadeite dropping the plate Minako had just handed him…

Her last thought was that it was a waste of perfectly good cake.

...

The time-space renegade Chao Lingshen snapped out of a blissful doze and winced, her neck aching as alerts from her computer screamed at her. She'd fallen asleep at her desk again, but she didn't even look at the slightly drool-soaked notes in Interlac she'd fallen on as she rushed to the displays, cursing as she stubbed her toe. Her stomach turned cold as she saw the display.

_GL Code: 849,822._

Her heart sank further as she saw the location of the occurrence. Frantically, she accessed the surveillance bugs she'd left at Hakase's lab, trying to watch dispassionately as the events unfolded before her eyes. She switched to a temporal feed on her bootleg connection to the Time Gates, noting Sailor Moon's reaction at about the same time. Her stomach twisted. "Oh, crap…"

She punched in Kaleidoscope calculation protocols with one hand, the other reaching into the drawer under the console and rummaging around for her Key, slapping it into the access port and booting up the communications link. " _Please don't blow me off, please don't blow me off…_ " she prayed, hoping her contact didn't suffer one of her rare bouts of unprofessionalism.

" _What?_ " came the terse, slightly annoyed reply as the call through time, space and probability connected. It wasn't the proper response, or even a polite one, but Chao was just thankful she'd answered

Quickly, she rattled off her time/space/timeline identifiers, not stopping punching in the calculations. "It's me! Something's happened to Arcueid…!"

...

Hakase winced as the Robotics Lab power grid finally overloaded, plunging the hallways in darkness. Her lab abruptly went silent as power ceased to be fed to her Singularity Array, the ground shuddering as Kaleidoscopic energy expended itself. Why did she always forget to install the fail-safe cutoffs? And there went her 'not-overloading-the-power-grid' streak. It was a good 23 day run while it lasted. Granted, no major experiments had actually been hurt, since everyone had run their _really_ important stuff on independent power sources long before she regularly shorted out the grid, but she wasn't looking forward to the lecture she was going to get for this.

She pushed herself off from where she'd fallen behind the doors leading to her lab. Thankfully she'd had a wall to brace herself against, or else she'd have been drawn right back into the room. She entered warily, annoyed to find that the hazmat suits she usually left near the door for such emergencies were gone. As were most of the small items in her lab. And some of the medium items. She'd need new furniture. And a new workbench. And considering how she dealt with her laundry, likely a new wardrobe as well. Well, at least her girlfriend would be happy. Sakurako was always up for taking her shopping. She checked the experiment chamber, half hoping they were somehow there, half-afraid of a raging Chisame or Eva out for her blood, figuratively and literally. Bupkiss.

She sighed as the first of the concerned other scientists could be heard out in the halls. She didn't have much time. Fortunately, all the 'special' gear she kept for Cassandra and Chao were someplace else. She turned and headed for of the lab, passing other lab-coated teenagers and a few older folk who asked her what the hell was going on, heading for com-lab that S.T.A.R. labs had donated and which she had been banned from unless there was an actual emergency, and everyone else in the facility was either dead or infected by zombifying nanobots.

Really, it wasn't like she'd been trying to catch signals for Tamaranean porn on _purpose!_

The room was mostly empty, with only Jiro-kun watching a monitor which he frantically shut off, blushing. "Hakase-san? You're not allowed back in here anymore, remember?"

"It's an emergency," Hakase said, heading for a terminal.

Jiro, aghast and horrified, rushed for one of several emergency cabinets next to the door, grabbing the hammer hanging next to it. "Crap! It's happened, hasn't it? It told Gosunkugi it was a bad idea! How many have been infected? What do you need to create an electromagnetic pulse to wipe out the nanobots? I think we still have some transmitter coils and capacitors at the back–"

Hakase caught his arm before he managed to break the glass. "Gosunkugi was thrown out for giving his Real Doll inappropriate upgrades, remember? Relax! What is it with you and that Shotgun? Anyway, it's still an emergency! Help me hook up to the main transmitter. There's been an accident at my lab?"

"What kind?" Jiro asked. "Because I had a bet on a runaway DNA computer–"

"Jiro-kun! Focus!Go outside and activate the emergency generator! I need to place this call!"

Jiro frowned. "What kind of call do you need to place that you'll need the–" He cut off, his eyes widening.

Hakase nodded grimly. "Go," she said.

Face pale, he turned and ran as Hakase booted the system, typing in the long string of connection protocol from memory, and typing up the even longer string of the program that would wipe the protocol from the memory when she was done. When she heard the power coming on to the main transmitter, she activated the connection, waiting.

The screen flickered, and resolved into the image of a relatively fit man in a tight red suit, a lightning-bolt symbol on his chest, eating a donut. " _'Eroh?_ " he said, still not finished chewing.

Hakase smiled, switching to English so as not to waste time with universal translators and such. "Hi. My name is Satomi Hakase, from the Mahora Academy Robotics lab? Green Lantern-chan said to call here in case of a _really_ big emergency?"

Behind he heard the door opening as Jiro panted in, looking dumbfounded at who he saw on the screen. "Holy Chao…" he swore.

The man on the screen frowned, swallowing. "Greenie told you? What's this about?"

Hakase shuffled in embarrassment. "There was a lab accident…"

The man in red sighed. "Oh… one of _those_. Runaway robot, accident that led to some guy getting super powers and now he's going on a rampage, out of control world-ending experiment, or supervillain theft and interference?"

Hakase thought. "Um, a little of 3? Tell Green Lantern-chan I think I made an 849822…"

"I'll get her," he said. "Sit tight!"

There was a flash of red as he suddenly disappeared.

Jiro was still staring. "You have the Justice League's number?" he said in awe.

Hakase shrugged. "Green Lantern gave it to me. I'm her go-to robot girl. Apparently Ala Alba recommended me to her. Besides, after what happened last month with the vending machine, she said if anything happened I was to let her know right away."

"How the heck did you manage to turn the vending machine into a killer robot, anyway?"

"A genius never reveals her secrets until they give her the necessary Nobel Prize."

"Do you think…?"

"No, I won't give you their number."

"Darn it… you know, you shouldn't even be here!"

"Go back to your Tamaranean porn, Jiro-kun…"

...

**Act 2:**

_Back at a certain Unequally Rational and Emotional Universe…_

"Pleased to meet you, Tomoe-sensei, Testarossa-sensei." Konoka bowed with the studied and practiced perfection refined through dozens of official galas, omiais and visits to Father's domains.

"Charmed, Konoka-chan," the tall thin man with round glasses and grayish hair said, giving her a kind smile and a bow of his own. "Maybe you don't remember me, but I first saw you years ago. I'd say back then you were..."

"Six years old," his wife completed for him. "Konoemon-sensei brought her to our wedding, remember?"

"Oh, yes, I do now." Professor Tomoe rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, apologetically. "Well, make yourself at home, Konoka-chan. Kaori-san will take you with Hotaru-chan and Fate-chan while we discuss our long boring matters. Feel free to ask for anything you want."

Konoemon reached a hand to pat Konoka's hair fondly. "We won't take long, Konoka-chan. In the meanwhile, get along with your new friends, will you?"

"Okay, Grandpa!" the teen said, smiling brightly before being led out by the tall red haired woman in the tight red dress. That woman, much like Testarossa-sensei, had a mostly cold and distant expression on her face, very different from Tomoe-sensei's easy-going attitude, and she was silent all the way to the girls' room. Respectfully, Konoka didn't say anything as she followed her, either. She knew servants could often be bitter about their tasks and duties, and in many cases, she understood why. Many of Grandpa and Dad's friends, if you could call them that, were utterly ungrateful towards their employees, although Konoka doubted that was Tomoe-sensei's case. His wife's, on the other hand...

"It's here, Konoe Ojou-sama," Miss Kaori said, opening the room's door for her and gesturing for her to walk in. "Fate-Ojousama knows how to contact me in case you need it."

"Thank you!" Konoka nodded, walking inside while Kaori closed the door behind her.

There were, as expected, two girls in the room. One of them was lying on her back in the humongous bed, covered up to her chest by hideously expensive and fine white sheets. She was pale and very thin, apparently only one or two years younger than Konoka herself. Her hair was black and short, and she seemed to be breathing with some difficulty.

Another girl, this one of ten or eleven years, sat next to the bed, holding the other child's right hand tightly. She had long golden hair, currently loose cascading down her back; beautiful clear sad eyes, and pale, yet healthier looking, skin. She wore a simple black dress, and her feet were bare. At said feet was the biggest dog Konoka had ever seen in her life; it almost looked like a lion. Its fur was thick and reddish, and its face somehow conveyed an air of tension and aggressiveness, as if it was about to pounce on her at any moment.

That actually made Konoka to pause, but the blond girl looked at her and simply said, in a voice barely above a whisper, "Come closer. Arf won't attack you. I assume you are Konoe Konoka?"

"Yes," Konoka said, walking to the chair at the other side of the bed, since Fate was pointing at it. She sat down just as the lying girl tried to sit back up.

"Pleased to meet you... Konoe-san..." she coughed weakly, covering her mouth with a tissue. "Please excuse me, but I don't think I'll be able to stand up for you..."

"Don't strain yourself, Onee-sama," Fate asked her. "Father said you couldn't exert yourself for at least another week..."

"It's my pleasure, Hotaru-san," Konoka bowed again. The daughter of the Mahora College Area director smiled at her as best as she could.

"Do you want something to eat?" she said. "We could call for—"

"Thank you, but I already ate at the reception," Konoka replied. "There's no need to disturb Kaori-san."

The dog growled at the mere mention of the servant's name. Funnily, it even sounded more like a lion than a dog.

"Arf is a very, very big doggy," Konoka observed, trying to find a starting conversation topic. "What race is he?"

"She," Fate corrected. "She's the only one in her race. You could say... she's a unique cross-breed."

"Ahhhh," Konoka said. "I suppose she's a very good guardian, isn't she?"

"The best," Fate ran her free hand through the dog's fur, eliciting a satisfied sound from her.

Konoka smiled. Both girls seemed to be very withdrawn and introverted, but they seemed to be good people after all. Many children of influential people were nothing but spoiled and pushy brats, but the two of them seemed... different. Something in Fate reminded her of Setchan, particularly. She wondered if she should introduce them to Mamoru-kun…

"How long have you had her?" the Konoe heiress asked.

"Since we moved here," Hotaru spoke the first time.

"Do you two go to school? Because I've never seen you at the campus..." Konoka continued.

"We're home schooled," Fate answered, droning the words out. "Onee-sama is too sickly, and I must stay here to look after her."

"I see. Now that's a shame..." Konoka offered.

"I'm sorry, Fate-chan," Hotaru breathed. "If not for me, you— You—"

"I don't mind," Fate patted her hand softly. "I'll never complain about staying at your side."

Konoka was moved, seeing the devotion they seemed to have for each other despite not being blood sisters. Definitely reminded her of herself and Setchan...

Or at least, how she used to be with Setchan...

Suddenly, she felt like aching inside.

_Setchan... Why did you drift apart so much..? You'll barely talk to me anymore..._

...

**Act 3:**

Negi sat behind his desk, waiting patiently for the next parent who would give their authorization for the Kyoto trip. So far, he had talked with Professor Akashi, who naturally posed no obstacles for Yuuna's attendance, and Ako's uncle and tutor, writer Izumi Soujirou, a rather unkempt but affable and agreeable man. He looked at his schedule; next on list was Haruna's mother, and then Zazie's. Frankly, he was curious about what kind of women they would be.

Someone knocked at the door, and he fixed his tie for the umpteenth time. "C-come in, please!" he said.

The orange-haired head of a teenage boy peeked in. "Excuse me... N-Negi-sensei, right? I'm Yuuki Rito from High School Class... uhh, well, actually, I don't know what class they'll assign me to now, but—"

Negi blinked. "Oh, pleased to meet you, Yuuki-san. However, not to be rude, but I happen to have a meeting right now with—"

"S-Saotome Haruna-san's mother?" the boy meeped.

"Yes. How did you—" Negi started.

"Actually, Haruna-san... told me to come here," the boy fidgeted while blushing deeply.

"Why?" the teacher asked.

"Ah... You see, I... I don't know for sure," he admitted. "But I think it's because she wants me to meet her mother, too..."

"And why would that be?" Negi wondered innocently.

"B-B-Because we... we kinda are..."

"RIIIIIITO-KUUUUUN!" Haruna sprang in from the outside, latching onto the teen's back with a loud, manic giggle. "Oh, so you came after all! I'm so happy!"

"Gah-Gah-Good morning, Haruna-chan!" Rito puked the words out, too overcome by the feeling of her large breasts rubbing up and down his back.

Negi stared on blankly. "Saotome-san?"

"Hey, Negi-kun!" she lifted a hand up. "Sorry to keep you waiting! Mom wouldn't find a cab cheap enough for her, so it took her a while to get here!"

"Taxis around here are far too expensive," a shapely attractive woman in her mid to late thirties huffed softly, walking into sight with perfect elegance and aplomb, wearing a business suit with tie and knee-length skirt. Her hair was short and dark brown, cut in a pageboy style. She looked at the boy sitting before of a pile of books behind the desk and bowed to him formally. "So very pleased to meet you, Springfield-sensei. I'm Saotome Tendo Nabiki. Haruna's mother."

"Mom!" Haruna grabbed Rito by the shoulders, almost pushing him into her mother. "This is Yuuki Rito-kun, my **first** boyfriend!"

"B-Boyfriend?-!" Negi's eyes widened behind his glasses.

"Huh-Huh-Hello!" Rito held up a stiff hand, barely registering anything but the fact Haruna seemed to have inherited her bust size from her mother. "Ch-Cha-Charmed to meet you, Ma'am!"

The woman looked up and down at him, coldly, then told her daughter, "He seems normal."

_Somewhere Hito Nami cried "Don't call me normal!" then blinked when she realized no one was to say she was normal. "ARGH! I do something_ _**really** _ _abnormal for once and no one is around to notice! I'm in despair! My normalcy has left me in despair!"_

"Of course he is!" Haruna protested.

"You're too young to—" Negi began, but his voice trailed off when he remembered maybe he was not in the best position to talk.

Mrs. Saotome apparently paid him no attention, choosing to ask the older boy instead a simple but blunt, "How much do you know about my daughter?"

"Well, we've just started... dating, but—"

"Has she told you about her 'Yamada-san' plan?" the woman asked.

"Y-Yes!"

"About her... bilateral inclinations?"

"First thing she told me about," he gulped.

"Typical of her," the mother sighed. "Her plans for world conquest?"

"She... She has appointed me 'Future Regent of the Netherlands, Emperor of New Zealand, First Consort Prince of the Crown, and Secretary of Global Gardening'!" the young man blurted out.

Nabiki hummed, then shot her daughter an icy glare. "I was promised the Netherlands!"

"I'll give you Belgium and Belarus instead!" Haruna offered.

"Not enough!"

"Fine! You win, I'll give you both Koreas too! I know you've always wanted them!"

Nabiki-san smirked smugly before returning to a somewhat less surrealist venue of conversation. "Regardless, what is your CURRENT financial status? I expect for my daughter's suitors to be able to satisfy her monetary needs… among other things"

Rito opened his mouth.

Haruna beat him to the punch. "His father is a superstar mangaka, and his mother is a top fashion designer!"

Nabiki blinked in mild awe at that revelation. Briefly, the faint sound of a cash register at work was heard coming out of her head. And then she smiled slowly, rubbing Rito's shoulders in a not-too-motherly way. "Good boy. Tell me, are your interests only aimed at girls slightly under your own age?"

"MOM!" Haruna protested.

"What? I only was joking!"

"Yeah, sure. I know you..." her daughter scoffed.

"Well, he IS kinda cute..." Nabiki shrugged, and Rito's face took the shape of a distressed abstract portrait. Negi just sat there, once again lost as hell. You'd have thought he was part-Hibiki.

Haruna crossed her arms. "If you want to go there... you know you'll have to go all the way..."

Nabiki shook her head. "I've told you... Not interested in that, sorry."

"I'd throw... let's say Italy into your share, too."

"I'm your mother."

"And Auntie Akane's your sister. Your point?"

At that point, Rito had just melted down and tried to ooze for the door. Negi's instincts had told him to block everything out for the sake of his own sanity, and started to check the schedule of the next few parents' arrivals instead.

A few more unheard negotiations later, Mrs. Saotome sat down in front of him with a small smile. "So sorry for keeping you waiting!"

"Huh? Oh, don't worry," he said, putting the papers aside. "So very pleased to meet you, ma'm."

"Likewise. Please forgive my foolish husband's absence. My younger sister was kidnapped by a foreign prince week and a half ago, and he and some... friends... are tracking them down to an island in the South Pacific."

"Good to know she hasn't lost her touch yet," Haruna mused from where she sat fanning Rito back to consciousness.

"I... understand..." Negi forced himself to nod.

"You do?" Mrs. Saotome questioned.

"No. Not really," he had to admit with shame.

"Don't worry. No one ever does," the woman kindly petted his head. "You know, you're even cuter. Haruna-chan, is he in your... ah... range of admired people as well?"

"OF COURSE!" Haruna did her best M. Bison impression.

Negi smiled again. "Well, I'm honored to know you admire me, Haruna-san. All teachers should strive to be admired by their students, but... Ahhhh, Saotome-san, you... can stop stroking my hair now..."

Nabiki half-purred happily. "So, where should I sign to go on that trip with you, too?"

"MOM!" Haruna repeated.

"What? Like you always said, we should spend more... time together! And it IS a free trip, after all!"

No doubt they were related. Yup, no doubt at all…

**Act 4:**

After that… rather rocky and shaky start, the talk with Mrs. Saotome turned out fairly smooth. Her main concern seemed to be the Academy covering all the expenses of Haruna's trip, and once that was guaranteed, she had no problems with signing the documents. Then she and her daughter gave him their goodbyes, Haruna surprising him by pecking his forehead before walking out with her mother and a still mostly-paralyzed Rito.

Negi sat alone and flushed, pondering if wiping his forehead off would be decent or rude. He looked into the pocket mirror Nekane had given him after saying a gentleman should always mind his appearance, She had left no lipstick marks there, so he figured there was no actual point in wiping it off. It was nothing but an innocent token of affection, after all, he told himself.

Then someone knocked at the door, and he remembered Rainyday-san's mother was next. He pocketed the mirror and straightened his tie yet again. "C-Come in, if you please!"

A tall, buxom blond woman with narrow, bitter eyes and long wavy hair walked in, saluting him with a mere nod of her head. Negi blinked in confusion. Not exactly the mental image he had about Rainyday-san's mother. For starters, she was dressed all in black, in a way that reminded him of a chauffeur or elite bodyguard. Then there were those strange red facial markings she had...

He opened his mouth to speak, but before the first word could be uttered, the woman opened the door even more, bowing as she made way for someone else to enter. "Hild-sama, Zazie Ojou-sama, it is safe."

"Thank you, Marller-chan," a purring, deeply sexy female voice spoke, its slow and alluring cadence almost inebriating, somehow making Negi to feel uneasy all of a sudden. Very briefly, the back of his neck itched. A lot.

"Good morning, Sensei," Zazie said, walking in quietly, followed by a much taller, much, much more voluptuous woman in a slinky red dress, more befitting a scandalous cocktail party than an Academy for teenagers. Her long hair was white as snow, with bewitching silvery tones. Her skin was as dark as Zazie's, and she had a few facial markings as well, oddly star shaped, but not big enough to be distracting. Probably the fact her chest was so big and her cleavage was so wide was distracting enough by itself to ensure most people didn't even notice the markings for their first several encounters.

Negi fought a blush as he tried to keep looking at the woman's eyes. For some reason, it was hard. Very hard. No dirty pun intended. Well, maybe just a little. "H-How do you do... I mean..."

The impossibly sexy woman smirked sultrily at him.

And then she was right before him, glomping him in a suffocating hug against her round chest, cooing as Zazie sat down with no expression and Marller made a silent, long suffering face. "Ohhhh, so you're Negi-kun! You're so horribly cute...!"

Negi's arms and legs flailed around wildly.

"Mother," Zazie said.

"Aren't you the loveliest little thing ever?" her mother seemed oblivious to her. "No wonder Zazie **talks so much** about you! How old are you, cutie? Nine? Ten? Eleven?"

"Mother, I think he's having problems breathing," Zazie remarked, and Negi nodded as best as he could with his head trapped between those two huge mounds.

"Oh. Sorry." She assumed a dignified stance while putting Negi back down on his seat. The boy panted for air, his eyes almost dropping out of their sockets. "It's a real pleasure to meet you, Sensei. I am Hildegarde Rainyday, but you can call me... Hild. And this is my faithful assistant, Marller-chan."

The blond woman only bowed to Negi, as stiffly as possible.

"Mother is in the business of... engineered social beneficence," Zazie explained calmly.

"Ah?" Negi asked, not very eloquently, but it was understandable considering the fact he had never heard Zazie saying more than three words in a row before.

"Basically, you could say... I make people's wishes and desires into realities," Hild smiled in a rather placid, and yet unnerving, fashion. "For a reasonable price, of course. I'd give you our phone number, but you're still too young for our services. Once you are the legal age, however, rest assured I'll make sure Zazie-chan gets to contact you about it..."

"Th-Thanks..." Negi muttered, not finding anything else to say.

**Act 5:**

During Negi's brief but rather informative conversation with Mrs. Rainyday, Zazie did not say a single word, as usual, making him wonder if her three lines had been a hallucination bought on by oxygen deprivation. But her mother talked more than enough for both of them; it amazed Negi to see how such a talkative person could be so closely related to someone as secretive as Zazie.

And yet, as he'd only notice after she was gone, for all Hild-san talked and talked, all the information she gave him was very superficial. She'd talk about things like how much Zazie loved circuses, or the time when she took her first steps, but not a single thing about her father, or about the reasons behind her silence. Had they been alone, Negi would have asked on the latter, but he knew it was in bad taste to ask it before his student herself, and in a meeting scheduled for other reasons. He made a mental note to ask Hild-san about it sometime later. All in all, he would enjoy another chat with her. Her company felt oddly... nice.

She once mentioned Zazie having sisters when talking about their first visit to a circus, but the mere mention of the word "sisters" made Zazie wince for the only time in the whole talk, so her mother simply skipped past it very quickly.

Marller-san stood at the door similarly still and silent the whole time, although the frustrated expression on her face told of very different causes for her silence.

Finally, Hild signed the papers, making a passing joke about how people usually signed contracts _with_ her. Negi didn't understand it very well, but laughed along anyway.

As the three of them walked out, they happened to coincide with Chisame's sister Sora, who was coming in with Takahata and a short, black-haired young man Negi had never seen before. The young man stopped for a moment as soon as he saw Zazie's mother, his attention caught by something other than her physical attributes. Well, by her physical attributes AND something else, in any case.

She smiled at him in a vaguely mysterious, _**almost**_ knowing fashion. "Good morning, young sir. Can I do something for you?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry!" he excused himself quickly. "It's just I felt a weird sense of déjà vu... Forgive me for asking this, but have we met somewhere else before?"

The tall woman put a finger on her lips, thought, then asked with a wry smile, "Would you happen to live in the Nekomi area? Near the Tariki-hoganji temple?"

"Oh, do you mean... that old temple near the hills? Yes! Exactly around there!" He brightened up. "Then we HAVE met!"

Hild laughed good naturedly, even as Marller scowled sourly in the background. "Yes, I remember seeing you... twice or thrice! My eldest daughter used to... live there as well. A long, long time ago..." she reminisced. A very short sigh escaped her lips, and she turned around to walk away. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm afraid I'm in a tight schedule. Maybe another time, Dear. Zazie-chan, before I go, why don't you show us that fantastic restaurant you mention so often...?"

The young man watched her go in stupefied silence, and only Sora's brief rasping brought him back to reality. "Ahem."

"Oh? Oh, sorry, everyone. I was trying to remember anything about that daughter of hers. Maybe she was someone I studied with..."

"Sure, Sempai," Sora said with only the slightest hint of jealousy before smiling at Negi. "Hello again, Negi-sensei. It's wonderful to see you again. This is one of my sempais at the Motor Club, Morisato Keiichi-san..."

"Charmed," Negi saluted, the older boy half-bowing, half-nodding back, rather clumsily. "Takamichi?" Negi turned to his colleague. "Shouldn't you be with—"

"Shizuna is handling my interviews for now," Takahata replied with a vague smile. "But I was asked by the Dean to show them their way here. The Parents' Association asked to have a representative in the trip, and since Hasegawa-san is an expert driver, the Dean thought of having her and one of her colleagues as the drivers for the trip's duration..."

"Could you do that, Hasegawa-san?" Negi asked her. "If you're busy with your own studies..."

"It's okay! We finished our final tests for this semester last week," she told him. "And really, anything for Chisame-chan. Like I promised last time I was here, I'm going to be a much better sister from now on!"

Negi's smile widened wonderfully. "That's wonderful! I'm sure she'll be so pleased when she learns about this...!"

_Elsewhere, while updating her page yet again, Chisame felt an icy shiver running up her spine. Odd; the dress she was wearing wasn't THAT revealing, and there were no open windows in the room…_

" _Tsunetsuki, are you behind me?" she said._

" _Of course," came the reply._

_Chisame was getting good at kicking people out of the room. A pity she hadn't learned the skill sooner…_

**Act 6:**

"I hope you find these palatable," Satsuki smiled kindly after setting the plate with nikkumen before Haruna's mother. The woman smiled back, highly pleased by the cheap prices of the food even before taking the first bite.

"Thank you... Satchan, wasn't it? Itadaikamasu!" she said, then began to dig in. Over the years, her husband's manners HAD rubbed off on her.

Rito watched in mild befuddlement as mother and daughter ate in pretty much the same way. Next to him, Nodoka and Yue ate with much better manners. Ayase paused between bites to ask, "By the way, Satsuki, when will we get to meet your parents?"

"They are out of the state right now," the chef explained calmly while serving her another glass of asparagus and carrot juice. "But it's okay. Cousin Sumiyoshi will come this afternoon to talk with Negi-sensei... How about you?"

"I'm kinda in the same boat as you," Yue admitted. "My cousin Asagi will handle it for me..."

Nodoka glanced in Rito's direction with some puzzlement. She'd never thought Haruna's first boyfriend would be someone like that. He even looked **normal** , other than his extreme nervousness! Actually, said nervousness only made him more tolerable to Nodoka. Older men had always scared her, but seeing this easily frazzled, somewhat slightly effeminate-acting, non-threatening boy almost made her to forget her usual panic when dealing with males above Negi-sensei's age.

"And your family, Chao-chan?" Haruna asked the owner as she walked out of the kitchen with several trays to hand over to Ku and Chachamaru. "Come to think about it, we've never met them. Will this year be the charm?"

Chao chuckled. "Fu, fu, fu! You may have met some of my relatives already! Let's just say they aren't complete strangers to this school. But seriously, no, my parents... won't be able to come this year either. But it's okay; the Dean already gave me the permission to go with you."

"You say the weirdest things," Haruna made a disapproving sound with her tongue. Then she noticed someone else was walking into the Chao Bao Zi. "Say! But if it isn't Zazie-chan! Is that her Mom? They look very similar... barring the whole breasts issue, that is..."

Chao had a very brief uneasy expression as soon as she laid her eyes on Zazie's mother. "I... I'll take their orders!" She handed the last remaining tray over to Satsuki. "Satchan, this one's for Kyouko-chan over there. Be a dearie and don't make her wait, ne?" she said, regaining her habitual bubbly attitude, or at least a good semblance of it. Good enough to fool everyone but Nabiki, who could see through her facade despite her lack of familiarity with the girl. The shrewish woman wondered what had just gone through the Chinese girl's mind.

Satsuki, always obedient, walked over to the side of a girl with reddish hair and a black bow on her head. "Here you go, Sakura-san..."

"Thanks," Sakura Kyouko said without a trace of good humor, starting to stuff her mouth quickly with the hot, delicious food.

"For crying out loud Kyouko, it's a mouth, not a hole!" her friend Sayaka said. "Chew, why don't you!"

Next to them, their mutual friend Tomoe Mami just laughed. _Ah, young love,_ she thought, reaching for her own food. OM NOM NOM NOM!

Chao, meanwhile, walked to Zazie's table, where she was greeted by her classmate's mother with a placid and wide, yet unnerving, smile. "Why, hello, Chao-chan! You haven't changed at all since last time we met..."

"Yes. It's been... a while, ne?" She fixed an artificial but highly convincing smile on her face, handing her, Zazie and Marller a set of three menus. "You can pick anything you want; we're having a special offer today, to welcome our parents..."

"Yes, thank you. It's a shame **yours** won't be able to come, isn't it?" Hild mused deviously.

If the words left any sort of impression on Chao, she didn't show it. "Well, you know what they say. There's always a tomorrow..."

"And then another tomorrow after that..." Hild nodded. "And another one, and so on..."

"Ha ha ha, yes, but we girls should take those things one step at a time..." Chao laughed, despite the stings she was feeling in her heart.

Marller looked through her menu. "A hot meat pot for me, please."

**Act 7:**

In a quiet little part of the woods surrounding Mahora, a teenage boy and a _very_ busty girl suddenly appeared out of thin air, having just embarked on a Light Novel-spanning misadventure involving time-travel, multiple versions of himself who'd jumped to where he'd jumped, multiple versions of the girl to help with said jumping, a talking cat, and a copy of a girl's love manga that had to be prevented from falling in the wrong hands, or it would have led to… look, stuff happened, it's not important.

These two now walking away in their own little brand of sexual tension are completely unimportant to the things that are to come, except for one little thing that they helpfully provide, which is a decent transition point. Seriously, those things are worth _gold_.

Were this a more visual medium, we'd have a montage of the sun and moon chasing each other across the sky as clouds moved like steam and the trees shuddered like jackhammers, or maybe pages falling off a calendar to indicate the passage of time. As it is, the best we can say is that time passed.

At the point where the boy and the girl had emerged several days and a few lines ago, rainbow light began to sparkle.

Suddenly, the rainbow effect burst outwards, creating a bright, shimmering sphere of energy, and there was a sudden explosive rush of air as a crapton of sucked-in gas was violently released outward. A couple of nearby threes actually cracked and were thrown back at the sudden blast, while countless others bent and swayed away, some having their positions permanently shifted as branches broke, their snapping like an impromptu fireworks display. Tons of random papers, loose screws, at least three chairs and several stools, much of Hakase's wardrobe, a table, the dismantled pieces of a refrigerator, and other assorted knickknacks came flying out through the gale before a screaming knight and a mangaka where flung from the portal.

Kuro reacted quickly, eyes snapping wide as reflexes kicked in. She had reference points now, and she flipped over, feet forward and grabbing Haruna to keep her from becoming a smear. The artist clamped onto her, long practice of getting thrown off buildings and such and needing to be caught having taught her the finer points of grabbing someone in midair so they can break the fall with something other than a lethal impact. Kuro focused prana through her body, Reinforcing her legs. Her feet dug furrows into the ground as she held Haruna tight with one hand, the other tracing an enormous sword with a hooked end, stabbing it into the earth to anchor her in place.

Haruna's eyes went wide. "Down!" she cried.

Kuro had begun moving as soon as she'd seen the other girl's eyes widen, diving forward and twisting to place herself between the ground and Haruna, hand letting go of her sword and Tracing Rho Aias to shield them. A huge workbench slammed into the flower-shaped Conceptual Weapon, deflecting the projectile off it easily. It was followed by an Ostian Princess, two librarians, a loli vampire, an Ostian Prince, three robot maids, a bodyguard holding an Oujo, a hacker, a weasel and several bits of glassware. It is unsure whether partridges or pear trees followed.

There was a final pulse of air that had Kuro sliding back, the sphere of energy seemed to implode _and_ explode at the same time, and then the air was dead and still, leaving nothing to indicate the sphere had ever been there except for the spots dancing in Kuro's eyes, all sorts of Hakase's crap lying around everywhere, the copious amount of collateral damage to the area, and several people who hadn't been there before.

For a moment, everyone lay still, the only movement some papers still settling. Finally, Negi's very muffled voice said, "Whose hand is that?"

" _Sorry!_ " several people said, and there was a great removing of hands.

As the adrenaline began to fade, Kuro realized she was still carrying Haruna, who had yet to put her feet on the ground. "Hey, Paru, you mind?" she said.

Haruna blinked, her startled expression incongruous against her grip on Kuro, which was as hard as steel. Librarian training, the Knight supposed. "Oh, sorry, Kuro-chan," she said, finally getting on her feet. The wide Saotome grin spread across her face. "Man, that was a good save! I owe you one."

"Can I feel you up?" Kuro said, returning the expression.

Haruna's eyes flickered sideways, and her expression got wider. "Now, Kuro-chan? I thought you were into your brother and sister?"

"I'm still human!" Kuro protested, eyes also flickering towards the other members of Ala Alba. "Later. Keep it on my tab."

"WILL YOU TWO STOP BEING DISGUSTING AND HELP US UP!" Chisame and Asuna chorused.

The two shared a glance, keeping their faces set in lecherous expressions, before strolling over to where everyone had gotten tangled up. "You're not actually going to…" Haruna hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

"Human, remember?" Kuro hissed right back. "Well, technically homunculus, but you know. Got a problem?"

"No, just making sure."

"Relax, I have good technique."

"How do you figure?"

"It's been taking longer for Illya-chan to snap and punch me off, and I'm pretty sure I got her to moan once."

They helped the others to their feet. Negi had somehow managed to land at the bottom, which explained why everyone had somehow managed to land a hand on his ass. They weren't sure how Yue ended up with her nose up Nodoka's skirt, though.

"Everyone all right?" Asuna asked as she untangled herself from Chachamaru's arm cable.

"Who needs healing?" Konoka chirped, a slightly rabid light in her eyes, wand in hand

"I think everyone is unharmed, Konoka-chan," Setsuna said, sweatdropping slightly.

Chamo moaned in pain.

"Ignore him. He's a joke character, a little thing like this can't really kill him, especially considering who're writing this fic," Asuna said dismissively, then blinked.

Chisame frowned. "What did you say?"

"I said he's not really hurt, so there's no reason to waste time on him," Asuna said. She frowned. "Didn't I?"

Haruna reached over and knocked on the 4thwall. It tickled slightly. "Looks like the wall's broken down. By a hammer, it looks like."

"Crap," Chisame said. "It'll be chapter 8 of the Nanoha fic all over again!"

...

Natsume Megumi, or Nutmeg as she was usually called by her friends, liked bridge bunny duty. It was a far sight better than those assigned to nun duty up top, as Misora liked to complain about, and unlike patrol duty, as Takane and Mei usually got saddled with, it was a sweet indoor job with no heavy lifting, no chance of meeting Orphans and, and this was the _very_ important part, absolutely no chance of meeting up with 3-A, 3-F or that Suzumiya weirdo. Just sitting around in front of a keyboard and monitor watching as a lot of nothing usually happened.

Such an extensive description of the tranquility of the job, of course, means that poor little Nutmeg-chan was about to have a _very_ bad day…

...

"Man, how the heck did we get all the way out here?" Asuna asked, looking around the woods. Chachamaru, Chitose and Mint, true to their maid-ly programming, were already hard at work gathering all Hakase's stuff and putting it into a neat, orderly pile. She peered out through the trees. "Well, at least we're still in Mahora. That's the World Tree over there."

Chisame, Kuro, and Yue snorted.

Asuna frowned at them. "What?"

The three looked at each other. "Who wants to go first?" Kuro asked dryly.

"I'll go," Yue said. She looked at Asuna. "That portal was a self-contained black hole. There is _no way in hell_ we're still in Mahora."

"The device Hakase was using used Callandor," Kuro continued. "It's the hell-spawned lovechild of Excalibur and the Jeweled Sword of Zelretch, and uses the Second Magic as its power source, meaning it's an item that taps into the power of _other universes_ to create a Wave Motion Blast. Do the math."

"When has anyone who ever fell in a portal like that ever come out anywhere _near_ where they started from?" Chisame said.

Asuna raised a finger… and paused, eyes going unfocused. "Oh, crap," she said after a while.

Haruna brightened. "Hey, maybe we're in Vivio-chan's world! Do you think they'll let us drive giant robots?"

"God, I hope not," Chisame groaned. "A world insane enough to need giant robots to protect it is not one I want to visit, much less live in."

Negi blinked. "Didn't we use a giant robot in Fuyuki?"

" _Exactly!_ "

Yue sighed. "Everyone, please focus. We're in another world–"

"Again!" Chisame said. "Everyone remember the _last_ time this happened to us?"

Asuna frowned. "It wasn't so bad."

"You think that because you were passed out wearing weird loli goth stuff most of the time," Chisame snapped. "For someone with Magic-Cancel, you sure get Sleeping Beautied a lot."

"Oh, shut up," Asuna snapped.

Then one of the most disturbing sounds in all creation reached their ears, and they froze.

Evangeline was laughing.

It wasn't a particularly loud laugh. It was a low, quiet one, subdued, subtle, unobtrusive… and the kind that had Setsuna's wings wanting to fly off her back and leave her behind, with her skin following after it, as she looked around in panic for where Tsukuyomi was hiding. There was a cackling quality to it, like her tongue was acting like a valve. Ala Alba sometime heard it in their nightmares. _Green Lantern_ – **both of them** –sometimes heard it in their nightmares.

Evangeline was laughing, eyes wide, pupils contracted, staring down at her hands. Her fingers were twitching, her shoulders shaking. Chisame and Kuro, wearing the least, shivered from more than the laughing as a cold–actually, a _freezing_ –wind began to blow.

Chachamaru didn't need to blink. After all, blinking was an organic thing. Nevertheless, the look in her eyes changed without moving one iota. "Oh, no…"

Chisame managed to tear her eyes away from Evangeline, who was still laughing, and slowly but surely managing to bore a hole even into Negi's usual shell of cluelessness. "What?" she said, and she was surprised to realize her voice was shaking slightly.

"We are no longer in our Mahora," Chachamaru said. "The Master is no longer within the range of the Thousand Master's curse, or the school's power interdiction field."

Yue and Chisame stared at her in horror. Chamo was only a heartbeat behind, and Setsuna and the others were soon to follow.

Evangeline threw back her head and snapped her laughter into high gear, her voice snapping into full villainous register as her hair began to flail in the rising, icy breeze. " _ **AT LAST! AT LAST!**_ " she cried, her hair streaming like a banner above her. Mist began to congeal from their breaths. The grass beneath her feet began to crackle. " _ **THE POWER OF DARKNESS IS MINE AGAIN! I HOLD WINTER'S HEART IN THE PALM OF MY HAND ONCE MORE! COWER, BRIEF MORTALS! COWER BEFORE THE QUEEN OF AIR AND DARKNESS! COWER BEFORE THE UNDYING, INVINCIBLE DARK MAGI! COWER BEFORE ME, DARK EVANGEL, THE TIDINGS OF DESTRUCTION, ANNIHILATION IN THE FORM OF A CHILD!**_ _ **FINALLY**_ _ **, AFTER 16 FUCKING YEARS, I! AM! FREEEEEEEEEE!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!**_ "Another wave of supervillainous laughter echoed through the trees, which were already featuring a not-insignificant coating of frost.

"O-oh, f-fuck," Chisame said. To her credit, not all the chatter was from gut-wrenching, life-flashing-before-her-eyes, pure, unadulterated, blazing gold terror. She could feel her limbs starting to convulse, and wondered how long before she got hypothermia.

Evangeline stopped laughing, but the sound of her glee still echoed through the howling, arctic chill of the woods. Her eyes shone, gold on black, giving poor Setsuna even _more_ Tsukuyomi flashbacks. Her fingernails were long now, claw-like, her high school uniform's skirt blowing upwards and exposing her thong. She turned her gaze towards Negi, a wide slasher-smile setting her face in a disturbing rictus. It was quite a disturbing image.

Some luckless therapist someday would also find it quite disturbing that Negi didn't find it disturbing and felt the best way to describe it was, "I'm glad the Master was happy. She has a nice smile she should use more often."

She turned, flinging her arm out dramatically, her hair flailing and fluttering above her. " _ **KNEEL BEFORE ME! IT'S TIME TO LAY WASTE TO ALL THAT HAST LIFE!**_ "

Chachamaru smiled. It was nice to see the Master happy…

...

Meanwhile, back with Nutmeg-chan, her nice quiet day had just gone down the crapper.

"Unknown magical outburst still rising!" her fellow bridge bunny Yoriko said.

"Temperature dropping rapidly!" her other fellow bridge bunny Nene said

"Magical signature identified!" Nutmeg cried as the complicated spell-grams and electron-spirits finished processing through the memory banks. "We have a match! Nearly perfect corroboration with–" She looked at the name and choked, her eyes bulging.

"Megumi-kun?" Seruhiko, their superior that day, said. "What is it?"

Nutmeg continued to choke, her eyes bulging as the older man began to walk towards her.

"We have visual!" Nene announced. "Bringing it up now!"

She punched it in, and a holographic display dominated the room, an aerial view of a section of woods. The source of the energy was immediately obvious. Many of the trees in shot were all bending away from a central source, where a powerful wind blew. Ice was already covering many trees, and occasional great bursts of black energy suddenly leapt from the center of the maelstrom. Nene adjusted the image, and the display leapt forward, zooming in. Several people were visible in a small clearing, next to a small pile of random things, not far from the exact epicenter of whatever the trees had bent from. In their midst was a small, child-like form, its long blond hair fluttering like a banner in a tornado.

Nene touched the screen one last time, zooming in on the figure, and there were several gasps. Though the others around her were unidentifiable due to the angle of the shot and the fact the wind tugging at their hair and the frost and random darkness kept obscuring their features, the figures at the center of the shot were unmistakable. Even though Mahora had its share of tall girls with long green hair who chose to wear strange ear ornaments (there were actually quite a few; Chachamaru was something of an idol for a certain kind of girl who liked to be nice to people and thought cats were adorable), not many of them were paired up with a little blonde loli with absurdly long hair (only five such pairs exist in the campus, in fact).

Wordlessly, Nutmeg overlaid her own display over the telescopic shot.

_Magical Signature match for subject: Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell._

_If encountered, please kiss ass good-bye._

They stared at the file. They stared at the remote image of the madly laughing blonde, who was quite clearly using magic.

"Oh, shit," Seruhiko said.

**Act 8:**

_The Yukihiro Manor:_

"Kyoto, Ojou-sama?" Fubuki's voice betrayed only a quick pang of concern.

"Indeed," the heiress nodded while walking down the main hall, closely followed by Roberta, who was carrying a mountain of her luggage on her shoulders with no apparent effort. "That was the destination reached by popular consensus, and I agree with it. I've never been to Kyoto before... It could prove being roman— Interesting enough! In the meanwhile, I leave the house under your care for the whole week, Fubuki-san, Okajima-san."

Okajima Rokuro gulped nervously, nodding in a stiff fashion as Siesta looked down with nothing but shame and self-doubt, hanging in the back of the group. Fabiola, on the other hand, gave Okajima a brief but telling smile and a come-hither look. Oh, that'd be an **interesting** week at the Manor...

Taeko was having conflicted feelings; on one hand, she'd grown to... appreciate Rokuro-san a lot, and she had to admit the whole incident of **that** day had been... pleasurable, but what would Tina-sempai say if she ever learned about it? No, she'd most likely just cheer up. Tina-sempai was like that. But Hanabishi-sempai? Hanabishi-sempai would be scandalized! Shocked! Outraged! The busty maid's teeth began to chatter as Ayaka reached the manor's gates, entering the limousine's back seat.

Roberta stuffed the entire set of luggage into the trunk as best as she could before addressing her mistress, rather awkwardly, "Ojou-sama? I realize this may sound very abrupt and rude of me, but I have a favor to ask of you..."

Ayaka lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, sure. Anything you want, Roberta-san. What is it?"

She lowered her head humbly. "Might I take one week of vacation while you are away? I realize it's selfish of me, to abandon this house just as you leave it in our hands, but I happen to have... urgent personal matters to attend elsewhere..."

"Is that all?" Ayaka asked. "Sure, why not. You haven't taken any vacations since I was a child! You have more than earned a break. I trust you have no objections either, Fubuki-san?"

"None at all, Ojou-sama!" the lead maid replied.

Ayaka smiled at all of them. "Well, in that case, I'll see you then. Remember, the train will depart this weekend; In the meantime, I'll be making the final preparations with Sakaki-san. You all know our number."

Taeko opened her mouth to reply, but then seemed to remember something. She pulled a piece of paper out of her massive cleavage, checked it out, smiled with satisfaction, and pushed it back into her 'secret compartment'.

The small drop of sweat on everyone's head vanished just as quickly, and Ayaka laughed uneasily. "W-Well, goodbye, everyone!"

"Goodbye, Ojou-sama!" the servants all chorused as Sebastian-sama sighed and began driving away. As soon as the limousine was out of sight, Rokuro exhaled a weary, sad sigh. "We're the worst..."

Fabiola clung to his right arm, flashing a way-too-cute, yet edgy, smile. "There's no harm done to Ojou-sama, and that's the only thing that must concern us, _Rock_..."

Fubuki gasped, even as she discreetly loosened her collar. "W-Well... If Roberta-san is really going away too, I figure we should... stage a humble farewell celebration for her..."

Roberta's face twitched. "No, it really isn't needed..."

A few long tense moments of utter silence ensued.

"I'll go fill the pool," Taeko finally said.

"I'll call Sebastian-sama and tell him... to go check the summer home or something for the whole day..." Fubuki said reluctantly.

"I'll bring the whipped cream!" Fabiola smiled.

Siesta sobbed. "Saito-kun, please forgive me..."

A few hours later, lying on her stomach next to the pool, with her butt sore, naked and slurring, she **still** was sobbing. "Please forgive me, 'cause I'm a slut unworthy your love... SAIIITO-KUUUUUUN!"

Prancing around just as naked, drunk as a fish, and without a trace of her habitual propriety, Fubuki swung a bottle of champagne around and laughed. "Awsh, quit yer mopin', kid! Just bring 'im over tomorrow and show 'im what he's missin'! The week's still young!"

Taeko, who had quite a freaking lot of tolerance for alcohol, seemed mostly sober as she spoke, "Ano... But we can't keep on doing this all week! What will Sebastian-sama say?"

"Don't worry 'bout that old crab!" Fubuki snorted. "Hell, if needed, we'll do the sacrifice an' drag 'im in, too! They says older men have experience on their side, after all..." She smiled dumbly. "FABIOLA! GO OUT AND BUY US SOME OF THEM VIAGRA!" She burped loudly and fell on her back laughing like crazy.

Fabiola snorted back, snuggling to one side of Rock, who was still far out of himself and broken, with Roberta expressionlessly lying on his other side."Go an' buy it yerself. Bitch." Her right hand passed over Rock's bare scrawny chest and reached over to play with Roberta's loose black hair. "By the way, Roberta-sempai, where you going to go on your vacation...?"

"Kyoto," the much taller maid droned.

"Ah," they all said. For some reason, none of them seemed surprised.

Finally, Siesta began to bawl again. "Saito-kuuuuuun, you don't deserve this betrayaaaaaal! You're so kind and honest and pure and sincere and—!"

Fubuki threw herself on her. "You can call me 'Saito' if it makes ya feel better."

The younger woman blinked in hesitation. "Really?"

"Really..."

"Oh, oh, oh, **Saito**!"

**Interlude: Chao and Natsuki.**

Kuga Natsuki was waiting for Chao, standing behind the restaurant, her arms insolently crossed, her back leaning against the wall.

"I got your call," the older girl said impassively. "What do you want now?"

"Are you going on your class' trip?" Chao asked, her whisper devoid of any of her usual playfulness.

"I never go on those," the biker grunted, not bothering to keep her voice low. "Why? Do you have something for me?"

"I'd like you to back me up in Kyoto."

Kuga frowned, then lowered her voice as well. "Are you planning to make your first move there?"

"No. But I'm sure others will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Let's just say I've just had an ill omen. Maybe I'll need all the help I can get. You in?"

Natsuki arched an eyebrow. "What's with that style of talking? It's very unlike you."

"Will you do it, yes or no?"

"I have no interest in Kyoto," the biker spat. "All my clues point to this particular area."

"I'll triple your pay."

"It's not about money, and you know it. I can't waste my time babysitting your classmates there while there's so much ground to be researched here."

Chao sighed, tapping with two fingers on her own forehead. "Your research isn't taking you anywhere, Nat-chan. You're only running in circles. Trust me. I can take you to a faster conclusion if you only listen to me..."

"Look, Lingshen. I'll take your petty jobs. I'll look after your boy every once in a while. But that doesn't mean I'm your obedient lapdog. You're still a magic user, and that means I won't trust you as far as I can thr—"

Chao's next words cut through like a knife. "I'll take you to the Kyoto branch of the First District. They might know something."

Natsuki stopped talking, stunned.

"I mean it," Chao declared very seriously.

"Why didn't you tell me about that before?" Kuga could finally snarl.

A simple, new and smug smirk. "You said it yourself. I'm a magic user-ne? I can't be trusted to lay everything down for you, as long as I can have any leverage on you I can use for my own profit-yo!"

"You witch..."

"But at least, I'm an honest one. And think of it this way; Fujino-sempai was born at Kyoto, too. You'll get a good view of her hometown; that'll help you a lot when you finally decide to date her!"

"You're talking like yourself again. Sort of," Natsuki pondered with an icy scoff. "Very well. This weekend, right?"

"Try not to be seen. Take the same train, but the car that's furthest from ours".

"If it means not seeing your face during the whole trip, I'll do it."

She giggled. "Oh, Nat-chan, always such a meanie...!"

...

**Act 9:**

Itoshiki Nozomu was, for once, enjoying the peace and quiet of a day at home far, _far_ from his students. With the term over, and until it was time for the class trip, he still had time to indulge in his favorite hobbies.

The small white furred rabbit sitting at one corner of his kitchen looked up at him helplessly as the tall lanky man climbed up on a chair, then tested the strength of his newest hangman's noose with his hands. Only then did he give the bunny a calm, absolutely normal glare. "Ready now, Mesousa-san?"

"Ahhh, yes, Master..." The small hapless Familiar dragged himself to the chair's legs, looking up at his long-time owner. "So, while you are hanging, I jump up and grab your legs, then pull down as strongly as I can, is that the plan?" he asked, wanting to be sure.

"Indeed," the mage nodded. "I trust you're up to the task. You don't need to worry about your future; I've left specific instructions for your living arrangements with my nephew Majiru."

The bunny shook his head, letting out a languid lament. "Oh, my misfortune...! I've never been fond of children! They tug on my ears, pull on my tail, and pinch me while asking for Easter eggs!"

"Mesousa-san!" the teacher protested. "Children of the Itoshiki family are much better than that! When did I submit you to that kind of lowly humiliations?"

The bunny gave him a jaded, yet infinitely sad, look. "You mean you don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

He lifted a paw up, showing a few old scars under an armpit. "You did this the time you wanted to kill yourself while pulling me with you into a giant paper shredder on your class trip to the newspaper factory!"

"I did?-!"

"And this mark at my left butt-cheek? From when we wanted to kill ourselves by throwing ourselves to the mutts at the local dog pound!"

"I thought I was alone that time..."

"I don't blame you, since I'm so easily forgettable," the just-as-depressed-as-him Familiar whined. "But if you're really going to do it this time, couldn't you at least show me the love you had for me back then, and take me with you?"

"That's impossible, I'm sorry. Both of our necks won't fit into the same noose," the man explained.

"Are you sure? I'm a very small creature, after all..."

"Even if you could fit in, who will act as a weight on our legs to drag us down?"

"Would I serve much of a purpose there? Like I said, I'm very small, and also lightweight..."

Itoshiki sighed. "You're right. We need a bigger animal for that."

Mesousa held up a newspaper. "There's an offer on pet ostriches at Count D's shop. I figure one or two of those could do the trick..."

They sat down together to examine the offers, but just when they were about to start, their phone rang.

"Hello?" Itoshiki answered. "Oh. Good morning, Gandolfini-sensei. No, I'm not trying to kill myself again. Yes, I'm taking my medication. Yes, Mesousa-san's okay, thanks for asking. Evangeline-san, huh? No, it's fine. I'll be there right now. Can you place me on the front lines this time? I'd be thankful. Yes. No. Yes, I'll waste no time."

He cut the call short and stood up with a sigh.

"Seems like Evangeline-san has broken her curse and stands to bring a new dark age of misery and death to the world again," he informed his Familiar. "The faculty wants me there to reinforce the no-doubt doomed ranks of those damned to fall under her thrall or lose their lives. Dear God, I hope for the latter."

"Can... Can I go?" Mesousa hopefully bounced in place.

"Uhhh... Sure. I haven't introduced you to Negi-sensei yet, have I?"

"You hadn't even told me about anyone with that name..."

"Oh, well, I suppose I can explain it on our way there..."

...

The phone's ringing sounded through the small apartment, again and again, until it finally managed to make the young red haired woman with the long loose mane to step out of the shower, carelessly wrapping a towel around her buxom body.

"Coming, coming!" she said, as a green parakeet flew from a perch in the living room and landing on her right shoulder. She picked the phone up. "Hello, hello? Sugiura Midori, seventeen years old, here."

The voice at the other end of the line sighed, no doubt wondering why she kept on bothering with the 'seventeen years old' crap after all this time. "Sugiura-sensei, it's me, Shakti. We have a Code 102078."

"What's that one?" she asked. "Ah, Eva cutting loose, right? What a bother. You sure it's not a mistake? That was supposed to be impossible..."

"We have full confirmation. They're sending a first-strike team to deal with it, and they want you there," the voice told her.

"Roger," the redhead nodded, reaching into a nearby drawer and pulling out a Pactio Card with her image on it. "Ah, if only the Professor could be here..." she sighed lovingly before adding, "Well, on my way! You got the coordinates? Huh-huh. Alright. I'll be there in a sec. Bye." She put the phone down.

Calmly, she dropped the towel and began to walk towards the front door, lifting the card up slowly.

And she sang in a low, unfazed tone.

_"At the sea where no one else is, I wanted to make certain of your love. I slipped in your arms, running through the radiant waters, until we could no longer breathe. Hurry and embrace me tightly. My beloved one."_

She grabbed the door's handle and finally held the card up before her face, casually saying, _"Adeat"._

...

The Headmaster looked up gratefully from his losing game of Go to pick up the phone. "Moshi-moshi?" he said, taking the excuse to give himself some time to think. He listened. He blinked. "I… see. Well…"

He covered the receiver, turning towards his opponent. "It's Seruhiko. He's saying you managed to break the curse and are gathering power at the woods."

Evangeline raised an eyebrow. "That's news to me."

...

**Act 10:**

"Negi-sensei?" Professor Hanyuu Mimi peeked her head into the office. "You're needed elsewhere. Fujimura-sensei will continue handling your interviews."

"Ah? Is it really—" he began.

"Orders from the Dean himself," the blond woman said, sternly.

The boy teacher gulped. "I'll be there right now." He stood up, bowing to Sora and Keiichi. "My most sincere apologies. We'll have to continue this conversation later."

Sora nodded, seeming mildly impressed, mildly concerned. "Ahhhh, sure we will. Please tell Chisame I'll try to visit you tomorrow..."

"I will. Take care of yourselves, please," the child bowed again while following Mimi-sensei outside. "Good afternoon, Tiger-sen— FUJIMURA-SENSEI!" he quickly corrected himself when the short-haired woman with the striped dress walking in to replace him shot him the most ferocious of all glares.

Taiga-sensei grumbled while sitting behind Negi's desk. "That little airhead. Good thing for him he's so pitifully cute, because otherwise..." she muttered, tightening a fist before giving the two college students a blank stare. "Now then, who are you supposed to be?"

"What's the situation?" Negi whispered while following Mimi-sensei down a corridor leading to the magic-savvy teachers' meeting room.

"Well, Tiger will probably try to kill you next time she sees you, and—"

"I mean the situation they called me for," Negi said.

"Ah, the lesser danger for you," Hanyuu snarked. "It's your troublesome student, Evangeline-chan. We just got reports she's been sighted displaying her full, unbound power, despite it being technically impossible. Naturally, everyone's pants are wet now. You've been chosen to join an advance team to try and negotiate with her. After all, she hasn't killed you yet, so she might have a soft spot of sorts for you."

Negi made a childish scowl. "Evangeline-san isn't as bad a person as everyone thinks..."

The older teacher rolled her eyes. "Darling, you still have so much to learn..."

"I mean it! She has many good points, like, ahh—"

"... Yes...?"

"She's got... errrr... a good sense of... and a noble... She's generally polite!" he finished.

"She barely talks to anyone."

"She knows the true worth of words, and doesn't waste them," Negi postulated.

"When she talks, she talks down to everyone!"

"She's only a bit... defensive. I'm sure it's just a stage..."

"A stage? She's over seven hundred years old!" she hissed.

Negi fell silent for a few moments before shyly offering, "She has good taste in tea?"

Mimi facepalmed. "At moments like this, I'm SO glad I'm not a field agent..."

"Huh?"

"... Because frankly, the very idea of relying on you to watch my back terrifies me..."

He shrunk down. "Sorry..."

It was such a cute depressed pose it immediately made her feel bad about it. "Ah, forget it," the bespectacled blonde sighed. "You can watch my back whenever you want."

"Thanks."

"If you survive this, as a matter of fact, I... I could invite you over to the public pool this weekend, right before the trip," she rasped uneasily. "You could watch my back... even there..."

"Ah?"

She tapped her fingers together, looking aside with awkwardness. "... Never mind. F-Forget I mentioned anything about my new thong..."

"What's that?"

"Drat, I * _hadn't_ * said yet, had I?-! W-Well, like I * _did_ * say, just forget it!"

"But I don't even underst—"

"GOOD! THEN FORGET IT EVEN MORE!"

He nodded, very intimidated, and kept on walking after her, as her high heels clacked and clacked on the shiny floor.

"... You know, this is a really long corridor..." he lampshaded innocently.

"Tell me about it. How do you think I stay in shape? I have to walk all across it every day. EVERY FREAKING DAY!"

**Act 11:**

Chisame was making lunch while Hakase sat typing madly at her computer, no doubt running some sort of impossibly complex program to design yet another new abomination against nature. Or maybe just e-mailing Sakurako. Some of the more conservative groups of people (read: bigots) probably considered it the same thing. Chisame tried to tell herself she didn't care either way.

Hasegawa's cellphone rang, prompting her to pick it up. "Yes, hello? Ah, it's you, Sora."

"Hello, Chisame," her sister spoke warmly. "Are you okay? We've just arrived from Nekomi, and we talked with Negi-sensei..."

"We?" Chisame asked as she pulled the meal out of the microwave.

"Ahhh... Y-Yes. Morisato-sempai and me. You'll see, he... offered to come with me, since..." her voice stuttered nervously, "W-we have... things to attend to here together..."

At that moment, Chisame's Pactio card sent a slight buzzing into her brain, making her groan. "Excuse me a moment, okay, Sora? I've got... a call on another line." She pulled the Card out and pressed it against her forehead. "Yeah, who's there?"

_Chisame-san,_ Negi's voice told her. _I'm afraid I'll be late for lunch. I'll be... busy with the rest of the staff._

Chisame scowled. "That tone in your voice again. What's the horrible problem this time?"

_It's... It's nothing, really! But... I'd advise you and Satomi-san to stay indoors until I call you back, okay?_

"What are you— Wait. I have Sora on the phone, too." She resumed the conversation with her sister. "Yeah, you were saying?"

"Um, well, forgive me, because I won't be able to visit you today," Sora apologized sheepishly. "This lady, Fujimura-sensi, told me a big storm curfew was going to be declared, so student dorms are off-limits until tomorrow. But I'll try to make up for it then. I brought you and your roommates some cake I made. I'm improving, you know..."

Chisame's danger sense blared. Sora's cooking was even worse than Hakase's.

"W-Well, that's... very nice of you... One second, please." She touched the Pactio Card again. "Well, brat? You were saying...?"

_It's... It's nothing, I told you! Evangeline-san is only... blowing off some steam, so to speak... But I'll be okay! I'm with Takamichi and Misora-san, and Cocone-chan, and Sister Shakti, and Itoshiki-sensei, and Sugiura-sensei, and—_

Chisame grumbled. "Okay, I got it. Just make sure, if things go south, use Despair-sensei as a human shield and get the hell outta there, okay? Call us, and we'll be ready to help you. I'll tell Kagurazaka, Kakizaki and Shiina to be on the lookout."

_Thanks a lot, Chisame-san..._

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Hold on, I'm still with Sora." She changed back to the cellphone. "Uh-huh, Sora, had something else to say?"

"Chisame, you were saying something about a human shield?" the college student worried.

"Never mind. It's only... current fad lingo all of us use nowadays. Really. Then, where will you be staying?"

"Oh, Morisato-sempai and me already reserved a hotel room— mean, two hotel rooms! Separate! P-Plural! Not like we're in a relationship or anything! No matter how much Chihiro-sempai, Tamiya-sempai and Ootaki-sempai try to bring us together!"

Chisame's mouth went aside in an awkward grimace. "Okaaaay..."

"A-And if we were, I'd tell you the moment I considered you were ready for it!"

"Really, I don't mind one way or another..."

"Y-You don't?" Sora seemed to make a few soft sobbing noises. "Well, I know you don't have to care about a sister as bad as me, but—"

"That's not what I mean! What I mean is I'm okay with anything that makes you happy!" Chisame almost yelled.

"... You would? Thank you, Chiu-chan... I'm so moved...!"

"Don't call me Chiu-chan, dammit! And remember to use protection!"

_Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Belldandy shuddered on the cross she was nailed to._

"I-I-I'M NOT— WE AREN'T DOING THAT YET!" Sora's voice sounded as strangled as it could while remaining intelligible.

"I believe you. Just making sure," Chisame replied. "Yeah, yeah, love you too. See you tomorrow. Bye." She resumed her conversation with Negi. "Please take good care of yourself, okay?"

_I will!_ he promised vigorously.

_By the way, did I hear correctly?_ Misora's voice joined the talk. _Your sister's staying at a hotel with a man?_

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Chisame roared at her. "DO SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE AND PAINT A TARGET ON YOUR NECK FOR EVA, WILL YOU?"

Negi tried to laugh it off. _'I'll be back as soon as I can, Chisame-san..._

That promise seemed to smooth her back. "Don't play the big damn hero, please. Let the adults do their thing, and don't take any risks, you hear me? Or I'll get very angry at you."

_I swear it._

"Good luck there, then." Chisame sighed while putting the card down. Why did her heart ache so much now? He was surrounded by able people, much more useful in a fight that she would be, and by now she was reasonably sure Eva wouldn't actually kill him. Then why couldn't she stop wishing she could be there, at his side?

She was such an idiot.

Hakase was standing right behind her now. "Forgive this unpleasant and indiscreet question, but I couldn't help overhearing... Why would your sister need 'protection'?"

Chisame's teeth screeched. "Could you go back to being oblivious to matters of real life, please?"

**Act 12:**

Negi clutched as his staff, gulping and trying to look confident and competent as he stood with the other teachers. Given how he was standing next to Itoshiki, this was kinda problematic. Despite how depressive and suicidal the other man was, he was actually quite capable of giving the impression he had it all together, as long as one didn't listen to what he was saying.

"And remember, everyone is free to use me as a human shield," Nozomu said as he practiced 'carelessly dropping' his ruler. "Don't worry, my will excuses anyone from who helps me die from any criminal charges."

"Itoshiki, please don't traumatize Springfield-san like that," Sister Shakti said, checking her crosses.

Negi blinked. "He's not traumatizing me, Sister Shakti," he said, thereby making said sister wonder exactly what was going on in the boy's head. "But, Itoshiki-san, why do you have a rabbit on your head?"

"Ah, Negi-kun, I would like to introduce you to my familiar," Itoshiki said. "This is Mesousa-san."

The rabbit waved a paw. "Good afternoon. I'm not carrying any Easter eggs."

"Ah… I see. Pleased to meet you too…" Negi nodded and turned to Misora, who was huddled in a corner. "Misora-san, are you all right?"

"Idon'twanttodie, Idon'twanttodie, Idon'twanttodie…!" Misora kept on burbling, clutching Cocone like a lifeline. "THIS IS EVANGELINE! SHE'LL KILL US ALL!"

Negi knelt next to her, whispering to try and keep that not-all-that-disapproving Sister Shakti from hearing. "Misora, it's all right!" he hissed. "We've beaten her before, and we can do it again! And now we have the teachers with us, so it won't be as hard as last time."

Misora turned wide, terror-filled eyes towards him. "But, but, but, but… I won't be able to use my Pactio! Sister Shakti doesn't know about it yet!"

"Then you and Cocone-chan stay close to me," Negi said, smiling reassuringly even though his stomach felt full of lead. "I'll protect you."

Slowly, Misora's face morphed into a watery smile. "Promise?"

He nodded. "Promise."

Cocone turned to Misora. "Misora, can you stop grinding against me now?" Not that she minded, but still, Sister Shakti was watching, and her ass was starting to hurt…

Negi and Misora both jerked in surprise as Sister Shakti's hand came down on the young boy's shoulder. "Negi-kun, Misora-kun, Cocone-kun," she said, in the gentlest voice Misora had ever heard the older woman direct at her. "It's time."

Gulping, the three moved to follow her.

The group stood outside the woods, not far from where the maelstrom of air was still happening. Even from there, the air was chill, and they could hear glass-like crackling; frozen leaves breaking in the wind.

There were a few teachers there that Negi didn't really know, though they'd talked and met at the faculty office. Seruhiko-sensei stood there, looking worried, clutching his own slender metal wand. A blonde woman holding a sword had been introduced to him as Kuzunoha Touko, in charge of the operations division. A portly man named Nijuuin Mitsuru, who was looking a bit nervous and kind of reminded Negi of Satsuki. A dark-skinned man introduced simply as 'Gandolfini'. He was disappointed that Takamichi wasn't there, but apparently the other man had been sent out soon after he arrived on some business and other, and wasn't likely to arrive back until later that afternoon, perhaps even that evening. There was also a red-haired woman who Negi didn't know, but had been introduced as Sugiura Midori.

"All right," Seruhiko said. "Most of you have read the file on Evangeline. She's tough, intelligent, deadly, and at her most powerful for the first time in years. As the first line, our objective is to attempt to reason with her and, if that doesn't work out, attempt to draw her away from the campus and civilians. We'll need to buy time for the others to initiate some kind of slow evacuation and either reapply the curse or find some other approach."

_Nuclear strike,_ Gandolfini thought darkly.

_Getting that Superman fellow to drop a meteor on her,_ Mitsuru thought.

_If I'm lucky, Evangeline will spear me through laterally, taking out my head, heart_ _ **and**_ _spine at the same time, this properly killing me,_ Nozomu thought.

_I'll probably have to give Evangeline detention for this,_ Negi thought.

Seruhiko continued speaking. "Negi-kun, Misora-kun, Cocone-kun, you three stay back and act as fire support. We'll try to keep her from you while you unload every spell you have. Standard staff and shield attack configuration, simple and effective, the way mages have been doing it for centuries. Touko, you're on point. I'll back you up with direct support spells. Gandolfini, Shakti, stay back and try to take down Chachamaru. Sugiura, your Child is the best countermeasure we have for Karakuri's weaponry, so you should try to use it to block her fire, assisting Gandolfini and Shakti. Mitsuru, you are to provide containment and deal with others that were detected close to Evangeline. Most likely enthralled students she somehow used to break the curse. They'll be under her control, but you should be able to deal with them. Itoshiki…" he paused to consider. "Assist him, and try not to die too untimely."

"I make no promises," Nozomu said.

"Any questions?" Seruhiko asked.

"We're all going to die, aren't we?" Misora said.

"That's the spirit," Nozomu said encouragingly.

The two cringed back as Shakti glared at them.

"Let's move," Touko said, and they all began to move into the woods…

...

Yue had armored up. The black-painted Ariadne Valkyrie armor was protecting her from the aura of cold Evangeline was giving out. The Vampire didn't seem aware of it, too caught up in the glee of actually being at full power again. Behind her, Nodoka and Haruna had also transformed to give themselves an additional layer of clothes, and the mangaka had drawn them some fur coats to keep them warm. Everyone else had also transformed. Even Negi had put his mask back on, if only to cut the cold against his face. Kuro was the only exception, since her combat outfit was even more revealing than the miniskirt and sweater she was currently wearing.

"Master, maybe you should calm down?" Chachamaru said as Mint and Chitose did their best to protect Chisame from the cold. "We are drawing attention."

" _ **LET THEM COME!**_ " Evangeline cried, on a roll. Her cape of bats formed on her back, flapping dramatically. " _ **I AM DARKNESS MADE FLESH! I AM POWER INCARNATE! I AM THE DARK EVANGEL! THERE IS NO ONE I CANNOT DESTROY!**_ "

"Stealing people's catchphrases now?" Chisame said.

"How'd you get cursed again?" Asuna snapped.

Her eyes went wide as a huge ball of ice was flung at her, and she swung Ensis Exorcizans, which she'd been using as a crutch, cleaving the ball in two. They didn't dissolve as was usual for such matter attacks: Evangeline always went the extra mile in her attacks, forming them out of actual ice congealed out of the air instead of keeping them fully magic constructs like Fate did. It was a subtle mark of her power, to actually _form_ substance rather than just summoning it. "Hey! that was uncalled for, Eva-chan!"

" _ **Know your place, girl!**_ " Evangeline cried.

Asuna snorted. "I'm a princess with Magical Cancel.I damn well know what my place is."

Setsuna's head suddenly jerked up. "We have company."

A blonde blur leapt from the trees, sword out and swinging for Eva's head. There was a muffled cry of "What happened to talking?" that was quickly lost as the woman was suddenly intercepted by a masked meido with her own ridiculously long sword.

And just like that, they were in a fight.

Several forms leapt forward behind the swordswoman AngelGARd was clashing with, recognizable as Mahora faculty. The one closest behind the woman– Touko-sensei, Yue could see now– was Seruhiko, already casting a boosting spell to enhance the older swordswoman. Gandolfini was circling around, his guns out and seeking Chachamaru, sister Shakti circling the other way. They fired, both enchanted bullets streaking at supersonic speed towards the gynoid. Two other mages, the fat Mutsuru-sensei and a tall, thin man they didn't recognize wielding a ruler lagged behind, obviously setting up some kind of spell. Behind _them_ came a cry of Saggita Magica, and several arrow spells streaked overhead, aiming for Evangeline.

Kuro moved, managing to move herself in front of Chachamaru, one hand rising to Trace Rho Aias again to intercept the enspelled bullets as light flashed around her, her clothes changing to her red and black combat gear. Both detonated, one turning into a complicated capture and bind spell, the other letting lose a huge burst of electrical energy. There were four more such shots before Gandoflini changed tactics, one hand darting into his coat to exchange it for a knife. Kuro grinned. "Trace, ON!" she cried, meeting him blade for blade. The man stared in surprise, and Kuro managed to grab his lapel, throwing him at Sister Shakti, who barely managed to catch him. Blades in hand, she pursued.

Asuna dashed at Seruhiko, her enormous sword sweeping upward and ruthlessly canceling his next wave of spells, the man darted back, wand spinning as he used his own boosting spells on himself. Arrow spells leaping at Asuna, who negated them with negligent ease. _Crap, they're more than enthralled_! he telepathically transmitted. _Mitsuru! Itoshiki! Can you bind them all?_

The depressive teacher was about to respond, but whatever he was going to say came out _gnrogognoagbiwbfiwbf!-!-!_ as the one in the apron and fur coat sent a giant octopus at him. "NO!" he cried. "Not tentacles!"

His rabbit blinked from where it was sitting on his head. "Wow. That's new."

"Foolish infidels!" the lunatic cried, a quill in one hand, a book in the other. "Submit! You're too weak to beat me!"

Nozomu was normally quite willing to submit, but those were under usual circumstances. This was not usual, and after all that business with the Bible Black incident a few years ago… "Never, foul demon!" he cried. "You shall not drive your beasts' phallic appendages into the place of eternal darkness! Have at thee! _Burebureburebure…_ "

DarkMagic leapt from his ruler, tearing the thing's tentacles. The summoner stumbled back.

Mitsuru sweatdropped. "Wow… I thought you volunteered to experience fatal bodily harm, Nozomu-kun?"

"Bodily harm, yes," the depressive said. "My ass, however, is off-limits."

He brandished his ruler dramatically, ignoring all the Hilarity Ensuing around him. It would have been more impressive if he didn't have a rabbit on his head and one hand over his ass. "Beware, young summoner of the demonic, that you face a master of Dark Magic! I warn you, Evangeline herself couldn't kill me!"

The unholy woman grinned, and touched quill to book. Immediately, the enormous octopus thing's tentacles grew spikes, bulges, became thicker and stony, thinner and needle-like. There were ones topped with chainsaws, buzz saws and what appeared to be a jackhammer with a dildo attachment. "Well, Eva-chan is nice," she cooed. " _I'm not._ "

"YOU SHALL NOT TAKE MY VIRTUE!" Itoshiki cried as Dark Magic clashed with a monstrosity right out of a really sick Saotome Haruna manga.

Evangeline casually blocked the arrow spells being sent her way, looking amused that someone would actually try to use such a basic spell on her. Honestly, it made her so nostalgic, remembering that time she'd gotten bored and decided to mess with Boya. In fact…

A cry of " _Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens_ " resounded, and the spiraling blast of the spell slammed into her next half-hearted shield, stopping it cold. Her eyes narrowed, and she focused her gaze into the shrouded woods, looking for the source of the attacks…

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, well…" she said in amusement as a second such spell struck her shield. "All things old are new again…"

"Master?" Chachamaru said, looking between all the fighting going on, but not moving from her spot, Evangeline's restraining hand on her shoulder keeping her in place.

"Don't interfere, Chachamaru," Evangeline said languidly. "This looks to be getting interesting. Pour me some tea…"

As Chachamaru tranquilly pulled out a thermos and started heating its contents with her laser eyes, Chisame and Konoka stood behind her robot maids, keeping out of the fight. The latter was gasping and chewing her fingernails (metaphorically speaking) over Setsuna, who was furiously matching blades with the blonde woman. Chisame was grumbling, looking between the various groups and pointing at various people, as if trying to make sense of where they lay in an internal diagram.

Right then, Chachamaru's sensors sent a buzzing alarm through her nervous system. She barely moved aside in time as a giant bladed weapon cut through thin air where she had been moments before, missing her right arm by inches.

The gigantic bladed weapon, a colossal labrys, curved in midair, then returned to the hands of the red-haired woman who had thrown it. She had started to sing aloud without any fear at all, in a clear and strong voice.

_"Who are those little girls in pain. Just trapped in a castle of the dark side of moon. Twelve of them shining bright in vain. Like flowers that blossom just once in the year."_

Chachamaru flew a few feet back, re-assuming a battle stance. Out of all the opponents at the battlefield, she lacked files on that woman and the pale scrawny man currently fighting Haruna.

Still, the readings she was getting from the woman's weapon pointed at it being an Artifact of sorts. If she was a Ministra Magi, and she was limited to that kind of apparently attack-only Artifact, then she should be just as vulnerable as any human being once the weapon itself was dealt with. Nothing in her stance seemed to indicate any sort of martial arts training, either. Still, the confident way she stood while facing her gave Chachamaru pause, recent experience making her consider other possibilities. She even kept on singing while lunging ahead, and the labrys' strike proved being powerful enough for Chachamaru to have serious problems blocking it. Metahuman? Gatekeeper? Ayakashi? Puella Magi? Nasurian?

_"They're dancing in the shadows like whispers of love. Just dreaming a place where they are free as a dove. They've never been allowed to love in this cursed cage. It's only the fairy tale they believe."_

The woman smirked in a somewhat unnerving way, her white teeth sparkling at the sunlight (TING!). Chachamaru only pushed the labrys down, pinning it against the ground, although the woman still refused to let its handle go. "Please cease and desist. I have no desire to hurt you."

Again, she only sang. A relative of Tomoyo's or Tsukuyomi's, perhaps? A Gotham resident?

_"They're dancing in the shadows like whispers of love. Just dreaming a place where they are free as a dove. They've never been allowed to love in this cursed cage."_

And then she lifted her head up, and called out in a single confident word, "GAKUTENOU!"

The ground right under Chachamaru quaked and rumbled, and in a single moment, before she even could jump aside or fly up, it exploded below her feet, sending her flying against a tree's trunk. The gynoid looked up to stare at the towering, monstrous creature erupting from the ground's depths, attempting to locate her files on a similar sort of beast, and failing. A small subroutine quietly inserted the tag 'combat summoner' to the file.

The red-haired woman smiled again. "This is my Child. And you'd better give up right now, honey."

At which point, Chachamaru thought, _Screw it_ (except in a much nicer way, since she was Chachamaru), converted her arm to plasma cannon mode and made like the Green Devil. "Maximum Power," she said calmly. "Fire."

It was no Divine Buster, much less Starlight breaker, but from point-blank range, you really couldn't tell the difference. The creature was sent flying.

"Target, befriended," Chachmaru said as she rose to continue the battle.

Negi had dashed at Mitsuru-sensei, hoping to take him down quickly, but the portly man was surprisingly agile. On any other opponent, he'd have unleashed force by now, but here he hesitated. He found himself strangely reluctant to hit the other man with what he'd have used with, say, Fate or Rakan, mainly because despite working at the same school, he didn't really know that man all that well, and that included his magical capabilities. He was hesitant to deploy his usual spells without knowing the extent of the other man's defensive spells. Recent training with Hayate and her fire control had drilled the lesson into him that it was best to never overestimate whether someone could survive a spell. A near miss with a Hraesvlgr had nearly caused the Wolkenritter and Ala Alba to come to blows.

Besides, the man had a kid. No way was Negi risking his life.

He'd attacked with physical blows, which were still not inconsiderable, meeting the other man's passive protection aura. He'd extrapolated the force he'd need, but wasn't too surprised to find it had managed to absorb his blow. The next three tentative punches were stronger, at which point he was forcibly reminded that just because the people working in Mahora weren't world famous or part of a popular group didn't mean they were pushovers when one of the fastest-incanted spells he'd ever _seen_ slammed into his chest a point-blank range. He grunted, flung back, but not really hurt, and that was when at least three levels of binding spells slapped into him.

He slammed into the ground in surprise. These binds weren't the bland, low-level restrains the Ariadne knights shot from their blades, but highly complicated, intricately knotted arrays. It was like comparing your shoelaces to the Gordian knot. His respect for Mitsuru-sensei rose, and he made a note to talk to the man if when they got back home and sorted this out. He'd have been more impressed if he wasn't currently inside them. He quickly concentrated, and could feel the heat on the backs of his hands as the markings of Magia Erebea manifested themselves. He formed a basic bind-neutralizer, overpowered it, and slammed it into the first bind. It stretched but held, until he slammed it with a second one. The first bind broke, but he was barely started on the second when several Magic Archer's slammed into him. He was sent tumbling back even as he managed to break the second bind, which freed his legs. He awkwardly kicked off, avoiding another set of binds as he worked on the last…

The wind was knocked out of him as the hidden cluster of Magic Archer spells on the third bind burst like an air bomb, throwing him aside. It didn't hurt, in the way that would have sent his HP plummeting, but it was a nasty surprise, and disoriented him. More Arrows pummeled him, combinations of Light and Air, but configured far differently than any he'd ever seen. The light arrows blinded him more than hurt, but the air arrows caused air-pressure differentials and sudden explosions of sound that played hell with his eardrums.

Yue and Nodoka charged at the group sending out covering fire, the dark-armored girl using her Souken to block or sometimes even shoot down the spells flying at them. After they'd realized it wasn't really affecting Evangeline, they'd split their targets, sending spells at the fighting members of Ala Alba. Asuna had nearly been tagged, and Setsuna had been distracted at a near-fatal moment that she'd only escaped by a feat of gymnastic athleticism that had Konoka's eyes going wide and Chisame handing her something to wipe the drool from her mouth.

They burst through a basic illusion– more a bending of light to reduce visibility than actual falsehood– and suddenly there they were. Both Yue and Nodoka stumbled to a halt, staring at a frightened but determined looking younger version of Negi-sensei, clutching his staff in slightly trembling hands and standing between them and a terrified looking Misora in her nun clothes and a slightly-concerned Cocone. The two groups hesitated, staring at each other. Unconsciously, Yue extended a hand.

Unfortunately, it was the one she was using to hold a weapon.

The look in the younger Negi's eyes changed. "I won't let you hurt my students!" he cried, lightning gathering at the end of his staff. " _Unus fulgor concidens noctem, in mea manu ens inimicum edat. Fulguratio Abicans!_ "

Nodoka spun before the words were out of her mouth, kicking Yue in her armored side to push her away as she used the kick to throw herself to the side. The lightning spell flew harmlessly through the space they'd been standing, and Yue struggled not to fall over. Light as her armor was, it was still a bitch to try and stand up in.

Psycho Purple landed lightly, rolling with the fall as they'd been taught in librarian training and further hammered in during their self-defense sessions at the resort. She was on her feet in an instant, one hand clutching a rock, head tilted in that way that said she was listening to her Auris Recitans. The stone flew with unerring accuracy, slamming into and prematurely detonating the objects Cocone threw at her.

Misora stared in wide-eyed panic, one hand clutching a Pactio Card. "Screw this," she said. " _Adeat!_ "

Her clothes changed, dissolving and leaving behind her nude body, only to reform once more. The only appreciable difference seemed to be the shoes she was wearing. She blurred in a sudden burst of inhuman speed that Nodoka had never seen their worlds Misora perform, one hand out to grab her.

Words spoke in her ears, and Nodoka performed a circular blocking gesture with her right hand, deflecting the surprised Misora's grab. She clutched the nun's wrist, pushing her shoulder down and catching the still speeding girl. There was a pained exhalation of breath, and suddenly Misora was flipping up and over Nodoka, slamming into the ground as all her speed was turned against her.

"S-sorry!" Nodoka cried. Then her eyes widened, and without turning around, she leapt to the side, in time to avoid Cocone's follow up attack. The dark-skinned girl's eyes widened slightly in surprise, and she ducked as Nodoka swung a half-hearted but form-perfect kick at her, the height difference aiding the evasion. The little girl attacked again, and again Nodoka evaded, then sidestepped sideways and held out a foot. Misora tripped on the out-thrusting appendage and with a cry slammed head first into Cocone, the two rolling comically on the ground until they struck a tree.

"Mommy…"Misora burbled. "I wanna go home…"

"S-sorry!"

**Act 13:**

"Weird. I don't get why they told us to stay inside all of a sudden," Yuuna grumbled, leaning against the window's frame with a frustrated, bored expression. "The way Shizuna-sensei looked, it was as if hell itself was riding its way here."

"Don't say things like that!" Ako complained. The four of them were in Ako and Akira's room, sharing a package of cookies and Ako's tea, after having their latest impromptu volleyball game interrupted by an abrupt curfew order. "I'm sure it's just an incoming storm. You felt that icy wind coming from the north, too..."

Yuuna frowned as she failed to make a call. Again. "Dad's number's still busy. He could tell us what's going on, but..."

Makie shrugged, her munching mouth still full before washing the mouthful down with a long gulp of tea. "Well, nothing we can do about it anyway, right? Let's just relax and try to have fun as best as we can..."

Even so, Yuuna still groaned. "I'm not an indoors person..."

"I... I agree with Makie," Akira's voice betrayed some uneasy stiffness even as she attempted to sit back and chill. "Do you want to watch some TV?"

"Not in the mood," Yuuna sulked grumpily.

Makie fell on her back into the lower bunk, trying to make snow angels on the bedsheets. "Yuuna-chan, can you call Iincho and tell her I'll have to stay over for the night?" she asked. "She gets very worried when I'm out past bedtime..."

"On it." The Akashi girl dialed Ayaka's number while Ako brought more snacks and drink. "Hello, Iincho? Yuuna here. Yep, I'm with Makie-chan. Yeah, it happened to you too, huh? We're okay, sure. Uh-huh. Well, we'll meet tomorrow, then." She put the phone down and told Makie, "She says you forgot to put the toilet seat down."

The lithe gymnast bit her tongue. "Oopsie!"

Ako stared at Makie, head tilting sideways, staring at the gymnasts' crotch.

Makie blinked. "What?"

Ako shook her head. Nah… "Nothing…"

Then a flash of light washed all over the room, startling Makie. "Soon the thunder will start..." Yuuna mused.

Akira shifted around in her seat. "Somehow, I don't like how it's feeling..."

Ever since getting her Senshi powers, actually, she felt on the edge and nervous a lot more often. She seemed to catch bad vibes almost everywhere, especially near Mimi-sensei and Evangeline. Even Zazie seemed to make her feel uneasy now, despite the fact Akira had never minded her ways before. And then there was that strange shadow she had begun to glimpse so often around the empty seat next to Kazumi's. She'd have to tell Minako and Artemis about it.

On the other hand, for some reason, being near Negi-sensei soothed her even more now...

"Yeah, me neither," Makie agreed with a small shudder. "Maybe we should go sleep early..."

"Poo, fraidy cat!" Yuuna mocked her. "What's the matter? A few flashes of light and loud rumbling sounds can't kill anyone!"

And then something... peculiar ran all across the room, like an _in-situ_ major bolt of static electricity and burst of compressed air hitting them all very suddenly. Akira tensed up with the Senshi activation phrase on the tip of her tongue, while Makie cowered even more into the sheets. "Wh-what was that?"

"Yeah, it was freaky as heck," Yuuna tried to rub her goosebumps away. "You think Hakase's weird experiments are going **out of control** again?"

"You never know with those weird artifacts she designs..." Ako worried.

"Yeah, she's always one for **artifact abuse** ," Makie nodded.

Akira felt a strange buzzing at the back of her head, and an icy jolt running up her neck and drilling into her brain. "P-Perhaps we should go out of hereto, I don't know, Yue and Nodoka's room, or to Negi-sensei's..."

Yuuna grinned a bit. "Why, Akira-chan...! It's always the quiet ones...! Out of all of us, you're the first one to come with an excuse to sneak in there...?"

"It's... It's not that!" the swimmer protested. "But—!"

She couldn't even finish the sentence. Out of nowhere, a new, much more powerful, blast of the same unknown energy hit the whole room, and Akira felt the same sensation growing much stronger, piercing through her mind like a knife and knocking her into quick unconsciousness, a rainbow of colors burned into her eyes before darkness descended…

...

**Act 14:**

Negi faced the dark-armored knight. Though he looked to be Negi's age, the thick armor and _especially_ the large sword-like weapon made him seem more impressive. As an educated boy, Negi knew the source of the stories of black nights: poor knights painted their armor in tar to keep it from rusting, so they could save on upkeep. It was pure symbolism that had the 'black knight' being assigned to the role of a force for evil.

Faced with such a dark night wielding blade at least _twice_ as long as he was tall, Negi couldn't find much comfort in the thought.

Letting out a loud cry– _purely_ as a way to distract and surprise the knight, honest!– he flung out his hand, swiftly incanting Sagitta Magicas to strike. The knight countered, sending his own ice arrows to counter his own. Negi stared, stunned. While in a basic duel such as this the practice was to shoot arrows and catch the enemy's with your shield, his opponent had just blocked him by using his arrows to strike Negi's own, neutralizing them. He'd only ever seen Evangeline do that, and that had been with large spells that were easy to get into a direct battle of attrition against, not with something as small as arrows. Whoever this was, his fine control was clearly good.

The knight level his sword at Negi, and Negi's eyes went wide as a spell shot from the tip. He barely managed to avoid it, and upon seeing the containment bubble the spell produced on impact, his suspicions were confirmed. The sword was a modern version of one of his antiques, a war-pike that send out pre-loaded spells. This one didn't seem to have a limited magazine like the one he had, and the make looked recent. That was bad.

Sending another series of light arrows at the Dark Knight, the two clashed.

...

Chisame was rapidly coming to a conclusion.

Mahora, in any world, was populated by idiots. It didn't matter who they were, be they student, princesses, vampires, body guards, or someone who supposedly had a degree in teaching, they were all idiots.

"Superman warned us about days like this," she grumbled from where she was standing behind her maids.

"What's that, Chisame-chan?" Konoka asked, not looking away from where her partner was fighting, to many aerial flips that lifted the meido's ultra-short skirt and showed off her cute little white cotton granny panties.

"Everyone is an idiot," Chisame said. She raised her voice. "Hey, stop it you guys! Come on, listen to me! No fighting! No fighting!"

_A universe and some distance away, Emiya Shiro sneezed._

"It appears they cannot hear you, mistress," Chitose commented.

Chisame rolled her eyes. "Obviously," she said. Grumbling, she took out her Pactio Card, summoning her Artifact. "Switch to relay mode. I'm going in."

"Eh? What are you going to do, Chisame-chan?"Konoka asked.

"Playing to my strengths," Chisame said, sitting down cross-legged and closing her eyes…

...

It always puzzled her why the dataspace was represented as a sea. It wasn't anything big, just one of those idle thoughts like 'why is the sky blue instead of purple?', or 'why is Negi so clueless?' or 'what sadistic freak wants to make me suffer by giving me this life?'. Little things like that. She let the thought slip away as she stood at the virtual representation of a control center. Quickly, she started tracing through the links, using her maids as transmitters. She'd had Hakase refit them for exactly that, to allow them to access any network from any distance. She found the web of network that represented Mahora instantly, and began filtering out the civilian networks, the in-laboratory ones, the library, trying to isolate the system the mages used. She was the familiar with the system in her world, and soon was able to worm her way in. Quickly, she searched through, seeking out where the most traffic was passing through.

Her virtual-self smiled grimly. "Bingo…" she said.

The thing about mage systems was that they weren't limited by hardware. They used magical displays and magical keyboards, and used electronic spirits to interface with electricity to create their computer networks. It worked like a regular computer network and regular computer interfaces, and that was the point. But it wasn't _limited_ to that.

For example, the mages used a video-phone-like system regularly. This didn't rely on cameras, microphones or speakers, but rather the magical interface on one end connecting with the magical interface on the other end, even if the signal was passing through regular old mundane wires and internet in between. Both ends used magic. And the same system used to, say, show displays was also used for said video conferences.

Chisame allowed herself a very satisfied smile as she watched the mage's control center though their own displays. No cameras need apply. Then she attacked.

The bridge bunnies cried out first as they were locked out of the system. She didn't give them time to realize what was going on, systematically rendering their controls useless. She watched as they stared in confusion, all their displays shifting into Chisame's– or rather, Calculator's–personal emblem, the heart at the end of her Sceptrum Virtuale, complete with ribbons, on a pink field. Beneath were the words, "You're Computer-fu is weak. Neener neener."

Petty, but strangely satisfying.

That done, she hijacked the telepathic message system and carefully zeroed in on the part of the comms the people they were fighting were using, and dexterously included Ala Alba into the network. Out in her body, she was vaguely aware of a sudden break in the tempo in the fights, mostly from Ala Alba, as they heard the telepathic messages, and the panic from their opponents as they realized their communications were compromised. That done, Chisame boosted the 'sound' output to the max.

And then hacked the system to let her take it beyond that.

Finally, she spoke, letting her words be carried to the control room as well.

" _ **WILL YOU STUPID IDIOTS STOP FIGHTING?-!-?-!-?-! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS ON THEIR FIRST CROSSOVER TEAM UP!-!-!-!**_ "

She slightly disengaged from the Sceptrum's interface as she heard everyone crying out, stumbling and falling to their knees, hands to their ears, even though that wouldn't do any good. She'd gotten better at this, using the data manipulation abilities while conscious and mobile. Chisame stood up, but it was the Calculator who glared at all of them and had her voice screaming in their minds. " _ **HONESTLY, STOP IT! NOW!**_ "

Asuna staggered to her feet, glaring at Chisame, but the hacker cut her off. " _ **NO, RED! WE'RE STOPPING THIS. NOW! AS AN ALA ALBA EXECUTIVE AND U.M.G.A. CENTRAL CONTROL OFFICER, I'M ORDERING YOU ALL TO STAND DOWN! NODOKA, STOP EMBARRASSING THOSE POOR GIRLS! YOU'LL GIVE THEM LIFE-LONG ISSUES!**_ "

Everyone staggered once more at this assault, and Chisame nodded in satisfaction. She lowered the volume slightly. " _ **Now, can we all act like sensible, educated people and TALK?-!-?-!-?-!-?**_ "

Kuro, despite having a splitting headache, managed a snort. "Spoilsport."

**Epilogue: Madoka.**

Madoka softly rapped her knuckles on the Brigade's door.

"Suzumiya-sempai?" she asked tentatively.

No one said anything.

"Kyon-sempai?" she asked again.

There was a low, softly buzzing sound coming from the inside now, but nothing resembling a human voice.

"What was that? Asahina-sempai? Nagato-sempai?"

The door flew open almost hitting her face. Madoka barely sidestepped in time, hesitating for a moment before peeking in. "Hello? Someone in here?"

No one. A shame, too; earlier that morning, she had run into Nodoka, who had mentioned in passing a new book had arrived at the library, one that Nagato-sempai had pre-ordered days before. Nodoka would be too busy for the rest of the day, but since Madoka was often around the Brigade's quarters, the librarian had asked her if she could deliver the book for her...

Always one to jump at a chance to see Kyon-sempai again, Madoka had quickly latched onto the offer, saying she'd be glad to help. And now here she was. It had been a waste of time, and she was fairly sure no one else would be coming for the rest of the day. As a matter of fact, she'd better rush back home before Suzushiro-sempai or Kotegawa-sempai found her breaking the curfew.

She quickly wrote a note for Nagato-sempai and left it on the table next to the book. As soon as she did that, however, she saw a huge flash of light bathing the whole window, and blinding her for a moment. Kugimiya groaned in annoyance, rubbing her eyes and blinking until she stopped seeing rainbow-colored spots dancing before her eyes.

She turned around and walked out the door, catching a glimpse of a portrait of an insolently grinning boy very similar to Haruhi-sempai hanging from a wall on her way out. Maybe he was her brother or cousin; the family resemblance was uncanny.

But she didn't mind it much as she closed the door behind her as best as she could and began walking down the lonely corridor. For some reason, in any case, everything around her looked exactly the same, and yet oddly different.

At the exact same time, Nagato Yuki was entering the room Madoka had walked into... not the one she had just walked out of. The short-haired petite girl stopped only for a moment, her eternally emotionless face showing a very small hint of frustration for only a picosecond.

"I've arrived late," she whispered to no one in particular.

Oh well, at least Kugimiya had delivered her book. She could always give it a read before going to rescue her.

Nagato pulled a chair out very calmly, sat down, and began to read, paying the utmost attention to each word.

...

Skuld stared in horror at the unholy mess of readings that had just appeared on her displays. "WHAT IN FUJISHIMA'S NAME JUST HAPPENED?

The universe had just gone off the rails…

...

**\- To be continued...**

...

SCM's A/N:I didn't want 2814 Negi to just win instantly, but I also didn't want to nerf him and make him lose his power, so I settled for keeping him unbalanced with surprise and bind tactics, which he himself had abandoned early in the series and which he wouldn't expect, since few had tried to use it against him effectively. I peg the Mahora teachers as 'weak but skilled' in the same way Takamichi is: not Ala Rubra level, but are hell on wheels with what they can do.

Please review, C&C are welcome. Visit our TvTropes pages of our stories too! And leave BIG reviews! We write better and faster when people do that!

Until next time, this is Shadow and OverMaster, signing off.

* * *

 

**Next in Unequally Rational and Emotional:**

Ako gets in touch with her motherly side!

Makie meets the teacher she never had!

Akira has her talents as a Magical Girl sorely tested!

And Yuuna learns a few shocking things about her own life that will send her in a down path of no return as her decadent habits reveal themselves!

As the Unequally and 2814 worlds meet, the Sport Girls and Madoka take the spotlight for a chapter that will go way beyond the borders of this world… or the other one! Be there!


	30. Lesson 26: One Million Worlds

* * *

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. (Bummer).

 _The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi_ belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Takeuchi Naoko.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Decadent Habits created by Darkenning.

Nerima! Magister Nelly Magi created by Japanese Teeth.

Mahou Sensei Anya created by Sereg.

Negima Ito Bun (Mahora Little Girls) kindergarten manga created by YUI.

Thanks to everyone in the Anime Addventure for the inspiration for a world paid homage to near the end of this chapter.

 **Warning:** This chapter contains generous helpings of Darkenning induced imagery, Batman pantyshots, Yuuna and Sailor Venus dropping the F-Bomb, and not a single appearance of the main Unequally-verse's Negi, Chisame and Hakase, who are, as you know, **the three protagonists of this whole story.** Remember to leave your sanity at the door; we'll look after it for a simple $ 5,00 added fee.

Let the insanity roll…

* * *

 

**UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL**

LESSON 26.

* * *

 

**Prologue: Makie has Two Mommies.**

Akemi Homura grew up remembering that beautiful, cheerfully innocent girl with pink hair. She never met her in her whole childhood or youth, but she was sure they'd met somewhere before, in some sort of other life. She clearly remembered fighting alongside her, fighting for her, time and time again. She remembered the girl dying for her, and herself almost dying for her in turn.

Until the girl made that wish, sacrificing herself for her sake, or so it seemed. All in all, Homura couldn't remember that last part that well. But she'd never forget her.

Going through her teen years, Akemi Homura never cared about boyfriends or girlfriends. She went through the motions of life, studying hard and becoming the top graduate at Mitakihara Middle School, then at Toudai. She quickly became a highly successful, excellently paid career woman, with a huge apartment and a proud family... except for the fact she had no family of her own. Akemi Homura didn't care.

Until that day when she met that pink haired short woman at the train station.

"Homura-chan!"

"It's... you," was all she could say.

She had only moved into the city that week, and she was just as shocked to meet her. She remembered less than Homura did, as she had shamefully confessed over lunch, and while doing so, she knocked a fist on her on head like a silly child would. But yes, she still remembered Homura clearly, even if she frequently thought she was nothing but a dream.

"No, of course I'm not offended," the taller woman said. "Too often, I thought the same thing."

"You're wearing glasses again, Homura-chan."

"Yes. My eyesight... isn't what it used to be."

"Hmmmm."

Then the bomb was dropped.

"I married six years ago. And I became Sakaki Madoka."

Homura's world shattered again. Had she still been… what she remembered she'd been, there would have been trouble.

"But then," she sighed, "I divorced two years ago, and went back to being plain old Kaname Madoka!"

Homura's world regained some semblance of light and hope.

"He's a good man, but... it just didn't work. Oh, yeah, and I have a baby girl. I'll pick her up at school after hours. Wanna come with me, Homura-chan? She's the whole world to me..."

The little girl had the same bright pink hair, the same bright happy eyes, the same bright innocent smile.

"Makie-chan, this is Auntie Homura!"

It took three years for their relationship to grow to the point Homura felt comfortable moving in with them. At that point, Makie-chan had already started calling her Homura-Mama. Homura got her a scholarship at the prestigious Mahora Academy despite her bad grades, and hired the best Gymnastics teachers for her once she told her that was her passion. She even called a few favors the Kuno family owed hers and got Kodachi-san to teach her a few things. It was around that point Kodachi had seen fit to help her own 'niece' Haruna into Mahora as well.

Then one morning, after bringing Makie there following a vacation, they saw three familiar faces in the crowd of returning students.

"S-Sayaka-chan!" Madoka ran to hug her.

"Hey, whoa there! Hands off, Mrs. Freak!" the redhead next to Sayaka pushed her away protectively. "Who are you, some sort of Loli-Stalker creep? We don't know you!" She looked at Sayaka. "Don't we?"

Sayaka slowly shook her head. "Can't say I do..."

Madoka's eyes watered. "You too, Kyouko-chan... And even Mami-san..."

Homura put a hand on her shoulder and slowly shook her head.

Madoka sobbed back a few tears and understood.

Yuuna often would say that, lovable weirdo as Makie-chan was, she still was normal compared to her mother.

* * *

 

**Act One:**

The trees shifted as if in a breeze, and sudden rainbow light suddenly flashed between their forms. There was no rush of violent wind, no howl, no sudden random bursts of Kaleidoscope energy across the campus. One moment the clearing between the trees were empty, the next, a girl stood between them.

She looked about her and frowned. "Hey! Where'd you…? Aw, darn it!"

Grumbling to herself, she raised the pocket watch she was holding, which was attached to her belt by a mid-sized golden chain. Several deft taps along its edges activated a holographic display above its face, and she began scanning the readouts, before pulling out something that looked like an iPad– but wasn't– and consulting with something on that.

Something cold and metallic pressed against the back of her head. "Don't move," a cold, feminine voice said.

Chao Lingshen froze, fingers ceasing their work. Then, after a moment, she said, "What are the chances that's just a wind-up duck you're pressing to my head?"

There was the disturbingly familiar click of a firing mechanism being cocked and loaded.

"Ah. Absolute zero then," Chao said. "Well, I had to hope."

"Turn around very slowly," the voice said. After a beat, it said, as if it couldn't help itself anymore, "A wind-up duck?"

Chao slowly turned, arms raised, fingers still. "I know a girl who knows a guy who tried it," she said, turningto face her captor. She peered into the darkness, the only light the backlight from her devices. "Do I… know you? The outfit looks kinda familiar…Tenou-san? No, too dark… Meio-san? Are you trying something new with your hair? And your… skin?"

The shadowed woman shifted slightly, and now that she knew what to look for, Chao noted the distinctive uniform of the Senshi of Time, though not on the distinctive body of the wearer she was familiar with. The woman she regularly dodged in her jaunts through time was taller, darker, slightly slimmer, and had a better poker face. The fact this woman was pale and blonde helped. Her eyes narrowed.

"Again," she spat. "You dared jump back AGAIN! And so short, this time. Do you truly have no idea what it is you do?"

Chao blinked. "Do you have me confused with someone else?"

"Don't play innocent with me, _Chao Lingshen_ , if that is indeed your real name," the woman in Sailor Pluto Cosplay said. "You mentioned Meio Setsuna. Don't try to deny it."

"Not trying in the least," Chao said, smiling as brightly and professionally as she knew how. "In fact, I'll be novel and surrender to you completely and absolutely, just so you won't shoot me with that thing." A pause. "Is that a _solid gold Luger?"_

A faint twitch of a smile. "I like video games."

"Ah," Chao said in vague agreement of nothing. "About time you got here."

The woman's eyes widened, but before she could turn, the air seemed to thicken, and she began to feel light headed. She spun, confused, but a chuckle escaped her lips, then a giggle, and then she was laughing, and then…

Akagi Ritsuko collapsed to the ground, gun and Time Key Staff falling from her hands.

Chao waved her hands, holding her breath and stepping back after a quick, cautious sniff. "Huh. Nitrous oxide. Do oxygen and nitrogen just spontaneously bond in nature?"

"The odds are nanoscopically slim," her rescuer said, a slight tinge of self-satisfaction in her voice. "But that's all I need. Why? Surprised?"

"Kinda," Chao said, tucking her gear away and circling the fallen. "I'm amazed you know enough chemistry to be able to Firestorm that off."

"HEY! I'm NOT as big a dunce as my mom!"

Chao shushed her. "Keep your voice down! We need to get a move on. I've got a lock on their badges, so we just need to find a place to stay…"

"I am NOT sharing a hotel room with you!"

"Oh, come on! Do you think I'm made of money?"

"Yes."

"Hey! It's not like I can just put this down as a business expense!"

A sniff. "What do we do with her?"

Chao looked down, frowning. "I think it's safe to leave her. Nitrous Oxide doesn't last long, and we'll be gone and cloaked by then. I think she found us through the disturbance we made Kaleidoscoping in."

A frown. "She looks like… Sailor Pluto."

"Here," Chao said softly. "I think she is…"

* * *

 

**Act Two:**

Somewhere in outer space, orbiting around Mars under the protection of cloaking devices beyond the ken of anything at Earth or the red planet (well, except for Chao's tech. And Doctor Doom's. And Hakubi Washu's. And Dexter's. But as long as they didn't do anything, none of them would bother with them either) a gigantic white and blue ship had been sent out of interdimensional subspace. It kept on monitoring the Mahora area from afar, scanning the recent troubling developments happening across the Academy.

"Inter-dimensional ruptures confirmed," a young woman with short brown hair wearing a military uniform said from where she sat overlooking a gigantic mapping screen. "The source… appears to originate from outside the known limits of the multiverse! Fortunately, it seems to be one-way, and no matter, living or not, has been displaced out of this universe. The bad news is, several magic users seem to have emerged from the rupture and have been displaced to the local Mahora Academy, and they even have met several residents. Additionally, the imbalance has randomly opened similar vortexes to what seem to be several other Earths. We're working to stabilize and close the anomalies as we speak."

The young and short dark haired boy in black standing behind her hummed, viewing a monitor of his own showing him the readings they had detected. There were vague images of people in outlandish clothes. "Are these the intruder's you're talking about?"

"Affirmative."

"Alternate Earths? We don't have much information on those, do we?" the green haired busty woman at the room's tallest command chair said, putting yet another cube of sugar into her green tea. The enamel on the cup was already starting to dissolve.

"Well, normally, it is extremely difficult to find points of contact between them," the boy offered, even as he looked for images of a particular girl in the other worlds, to try and find a good starting point to compare and contrasting between the dimensions.

The green haired woman hummed briefly, pointing to one of the newfound worlds in display. "Have you identified this one already?"

"Affirmative, Captain Harlaown," the young woman nodded. "It is..." she blushed briefly, looking away from the boy, "... a Class H world."

"Class H?" the boy asked.

"One of those terminologies you aren't allowed to know yet," the green haired woman said with soft but categorical emphasis, taking a sip from her tea. She didn't find it sweet enough, so she resorted to another cubeful of sugary goodness. "I'll look into it later, Amy. For now, focus on our Earth and gather more data on the current activities of the displaced beings."

The boy hummed to himself. "Isn't the local Miss Takamachi, the subject we've chosen as a shared observation starting point, studying at this world's Mahora Academy?"

The girl made a somewhat sour expression for the briefest of moments. "Yes, she is."

"And the version of this other Earth? The Class H one?"

"There seems to be no Takamachi Nanoha at that Earth " Amy said.

"And this other Earth over here?"

"She hasn't been born there yet."

"I see..."

There was a long silence.

Finally, the older woman spoke again. "Chrono, be honest with your commanding officer *and* your mother. You have developed a personal interest of sorts regarding Takamachi-san, haven't you?"

"O-of course not! She's four years younger than me! I'm not a lolicon! It's just she seems to be... a recurring focus of extra-normal activity in every universe she exists in," Chrono argued. "I find her simply to be... an interesting subject of cause and effect consequences."

No one at the command center was fooled.

Amy chomped on thin air twice, hoping no one noticed.

"You don't spend that much time researching on this other Earth's version, however," the Captain observed. "The one who happens to be a boy."

"... Would you really like for me to start studying him more?" the boy asked.

"Not really, no," the woman shook her head. "I was simply checking."

Amy bit on her tongue, cruelly running her teeth all over it.

"Something wrong, Amy?" Chrono asked her.

"No... Absolutely **nothing** , of course..."

* * *

 

**Act Three:**

Sitting alone in the darkness of the secret room, with only her screens providing her with light, Chao Lingshen pouted. Given her ancestry, she was very good at it, generating much more moe than should be possible for someone in her age group that wasn't Sakaki Makie.

Thiswould have been a lot simpler and faster with Hakase still around.

However, she still refused to call her in. Satomi had become a liability to have around since her recent elopement to Negi's causes. The worst part of it all was she was nearly impossible to replace (well, impossible to replace with someone who might agree with Chao's view or she could stand), leaving Chao to pull almost twice as much scientific weight in her plans now. She'd definitely need to do something about that, but for now, the most important thing was the safety of her classmates.

She had located several disruption points in the fabric of reality itself, one of them right in Ookuchi and Izumi's room, and the other one near Kugimiya's latest known location, at the S.O.S. Brigade's quarters. Stupid Mikuru wouldn't take her calls, either.

She had run a position checkup on all her classmates, but Kugimiya and the Sports quartet were all missing from the campus area. Then there was that strange incident with Evangeline in the woods, but the faculty seemed to have it under control. She'd check on it later, as soon as she found the girls. Again, had Hakase been there, she could have monitored the secondary incident for her.

Then a message appeared in her computers.

_Looking for someone?_

Chao recoiled, taken by surprise for once. Someone had just accessed her private channel, the one only Hakase and herself had access to. But even from that single line, she could tell that was not Hakase Satomi. The smiley face and hearts might have had something to do with it.

Her question was elementary and obvious, but also necessary.

_Who are you?_

_:D, ; ) I'm not from here,_ was the reply. Yup, definitely not Hakase. She doubted the girl even _knew_ of the existence of smileys, let alone how to use them.

Chao hummed as she set barriers around the rest of her systems, improvising complex protection codes on the spot. She only replied once she was fully sure her files and data banks were uncompromised and untouched.

_I see. What can I do for you?_

_What can I do for you?_ the person asked back.

_For me, nothing._

_And for someone else?_

Chao frowned. _Tell me what you know._

_Five disappeared 3-A students. I can help you locate them._

_What would you gain from it?_

_The same thing you would,_ the message replied.

 _I figured that,_ Chao smiled knowingly. _I assume there's no need for us to meet... face to face-ne?_ she absently ran a finger over a rosy cheek.

_Not for now. I'll send you all the data I've observed so far. One-way link only. Your secrets are safe from me. It's not like I need them, anyway._

_I know. Send them in, then._

As Chao began to analyze the readings steadily flowing into her systems, she reached for a spare Cassiopeia and quickly started working on it, never stopping reading the influx of new, fascinating data.

Sometimes, all that was needed was a new perspective.

_Good luck. Audacia Paula!_

* * *

 

 

**Yuuna, Act 1:**

She sat up and rubbed her spinning head with a hand.

"What the hell was that?" she asked to no one in particular. Good thing too, because there was no one in particular anywhere around. "Where did everyone go?"

Yuuna stood up, dusted herself off, and called out again, "Ako...! Makie-chan...! Akira...!"

No one answered but the breeze blowing around some stray leaves. The girl scratched her head. Nothing of what was running through her head right now made any sense, except maybe the idea of her falling asleep, and then the girls eventually deciding to go away and leave her sleeping. That theory was supported by the fact a few hours seemed to have passed by. But the fact Ako, Akira and Makie were not, well, bitches, played against it.

Maybe they had been abducted by aliens? That could explain that freaky light right before she lost awareness. Crap in a stick, what if Suzumiya was right? At that very moment, Akira, Ako and Makie might be at the mercy of little blue men in red nightshirts exploring their most private cavities with cold, hard probes...

Yuuna was silently thankful over being left out, if that was the case. She didn't like short men. Other than Negi-sensei, of course. Part of her found the possibility of being considered unfitting the tastes of superior beings from outer space actually offensive, though.

In any case, she had people to find. She really hoped to locate her closest friends, but if she couldn't, she had to go to Asakura's and sell her the exclusive. So she began to head back to the dorms, quickly leaving the field behind. There was an energetic, nervous sprint on her steps as she walked.

"Akira...! Makie...! Ako...!"

Somehow, she the air around her felt... strange. There was an impossible to define weird sensation about everything surrounding her; some faint decadent feeling she had in her gut, unnerving her to some degree. For the first time since she had arrived to Mahora, she felt like she didn't belong there.

She passed by next to the old abandoned stall where they once had sold Mahora merchandise to tourists at last year's Mahorafest, now reduced to little else than a barricaded nesting place for crows. She wouldn't have paid it any attention if she hadn't suddenly heard a low, throaty moan coming from its inside.

Funny. That didn't sound like a crow.

Yuuna, always the curious one, stuck her ear against a wall. Faint pants and mumblings of encouragement were humming from the smelly, mostly closed old place. Mostly being the key word; it looked like someone had just pulled a door open, then hastily pushed it back in place from the inside.

The sounds, she could make them out better now, were an awful lot like a man's hoarse pants and Konoka's giggling voice. "Yes, yes, more, Daddy, more..."

A huge exclamation mark appeared over the basketball player's head. Forget the aliens, now this was a much better exclusive to sell Asakura... Wait, no. Konoka-chan, if that was her, was her friend, and a good person who would bear no ill will or malice toward anyone. Even if she was engaging in pre-marital sexual activity with a man, she couldn't possibly—

"Oh, yes, Daddy! YES! YES! Ahhhhh!" the voice gasped. "Now do Set-chan! Do Set-chan!"

Yuuna's brow quaked. Setsuna? Setsuna. Okay. Now this was going too far. And she needed that new Blu Ray player Daddy just wouldn't buy her...

She pulled out her cellphone camera and warily inched towards the door, placing herself in a convenient enough angle, then stuck two fingers in, silently forcing the door open just the tiniest bit, just enough to get a glimpse without being spotted...

Then the old musty door fell off its hinges and to her feet, revealing the sight of a mature yet still handsome man with black hair and glasses, with his pants down over a blushing and very naked Setsuna, not still inside but close, with an also naked Konoka sitting at one side on a small bunch of discarded clothes, her hands in a very interesting position.

Yuuna grimaced in dumbfounded horror just as her fingers slipped and took a picture of the scene without even noticing.

Konoka only smiled at her, as brightly as ever. "Oh, it's just you, Cousin Yuna-chan! What a relief! Want to join us?"

Yuuna stiffly put the phone back into her pocket, turned around mechanically, tossed her arms up, and ran away fast enough to make Misora envious, screaming her head off. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Setsuna frowned. "What's wrong with her **now**?"

Konoka shrugged. "Maybe she finds the place unappealing? I think it only adds to the forbidden charm... Anyway, Daddy, don't just stay there! Make Set-chan happy again!"

"But the door's down! Someone could see—!" the man protested.

"That adds to the charm too," Konoka grinned. "Do it now, Daddy."

"But—!"

"Now. Please…"her huge brown eyes shone.

He sighed and obeyed.

Setsuna moaned. "F-Father..."

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 1:**

Akira shook her head and coughed.

Her recent experiences with the supernatural (and a lifetime of magical girl shows, fantasy anime and the occasional visit to TV Tropes) told her she had been transported somewhere else by some sort of magical power as soon as she found herself lying at that vacant lot. She found the fact she hadn't panicked over the idea vaguely panicking in and of itself, but there would be time to panic on her lack of panic and the weirdness implications later. For now, the most important thing was to find Makie, Ako and Yuuna and make sure they were okay.

She didn't have her cellphone with her, but she had that communicator watch Minako had given her to stay in contact in case "any weird emergencies, Godzilla attacks, hentai tentacles, Tuxedo Kamen-sama sightings, challenging aliens with blond spiky hair, 50 percent off sales, or people approaching you claiming to be the Moon Princess happen", in Aino's own words.

With a sigh of resignation, Akira turned the watch's secret functions on. "Minako-san...? It's me. You won't believe this, but—"

" _You are currently out of range_ ," the voice recorded in the watch said mechanically. " _Please get in range and try again."_

Akira blinked. "Range? What range?"

"This _watch's range is on a planetary scale. Please get back on your proper planet and try again_ ," the watch replied.

Akira's eyes became tiny black points. "... I'm not on Earth anymore?"

 _"Running analysis: The atmosphere is a 99, 99999999999998% exact match for Earth's, as is its gravity. However, no signs of Sailor Venus' bio-signatures are found anywhere on the planet's surface,"_ the watch said.

"Wha-What is that supposed to mean?"

" _This watch cannot supply a full answer to that question. This watch is not a Green Lantern ring, after all. However, there might be a chance you have been transported into an alternate-dimension Earth. The standard suggested protocols for this situation involve locating the local incarnation of the Moon Princess and asking for her help. In the meantime, do you want to play Tetris?"_

Akira groaned despite her better nature. "How am I supposed to do that? Minako hasn't been able to find her Princess, and she's been looking for her for months! And I need to get back home before the class trip! And what's a Green Lantern, anyway?"

She was about to ask more, but then a girl in a green mini-skirt and belly showing green top without sleeves passed by, flying over her head, crashing against a nearby wall and slumping down to the ground. "Oh my God!"

 _"The magical energies emanating for this girl match those of a Sailor Senshi by 12.689%,"_ Magical Game and Watch-kun said. "Attempting contact with her is strongly—"

Akira rushed to the girl's side. She seemed about two years younger than her, and had short and curly reddish hair. Caucasian, with tall, thick emerald boots, a domino mask hiding her face. A large question mark was emblazoned on her top's front, and she clutched a long baton topped with another question mark in a gloved hand. She coughed some blood and rasped, "Ruh-Riddle me this..."

"Huh?" Akira babbled.

The girl clenched her teeth, lifting her head up angrily. "Riddle me this, what happens to a Killer Moth when it's squashed? Wait, don't tell me! I'm going to learn it myself!"

With that, she quickly flew back the way she had come from, puzzling Akira to no end.

" _Attempting contact with her is strongly—"_ Watch-kun repeated.

"I know, I know!" Akira sighed. "Mercury Power, MAKE UP!"

A new sexy transformation sequence later, she ran in the direction the girl had taken, wondering if Minako could teach her how to fly as well. Could Sailor Senshi fly? Now that was the kind of things she needed to look into...

The nearby noises of heavy fighting disgusted her. Akira had always hated fights. Still, some of those voices she heard now were those of girls, and one was too thick and gruff to belong to anyone but a monster, or maybe Keith David. They led her into a narrow alley where she stopped right in her tracks, startled by the sight of the question mark girl and another five females of her age flying all around a huge, grotesque mutated insect of sorts, hitting it with several magical looking attacks and bizarre artifacts from all directions.

"Watch-kun?" she gasped. "Are those Sailor Senshi as well?"

_"Negative. Please stay on the watch for any possible 'Incubator' presence."_

"What in the world is an 'Incubator'?"

_"Databanks on the subject incomplete. This device is only a portable communication artifact with limited memory. For further information please refer to the Moon Princess or download the iUseful App for 0.99 Moon Kingdom Mooneys..."_

Akira sighed. Again. "That's it. I'm asking Chisame to recommend a good laptop..."

* * *

 

**Ako, Act 1:**

Ako woke up in some sort of beautiful garden full of flowers, feeling dizzy and disoriented but not really bad at all. "Girls?"

She stood up, looking in all directions. "Girls, where are you?"

How long had she been unconscious? There was a bright and clear morning sky over her, and her body felt very well rested (and, truth be told, a bit sweaty as well), so she figured it had to be a few hours at least.

"Makie! Akira-chan! Yuuna!"

She didn't have to walk for long. Rather quickly, she ran into a playground where several little girls, none of them above six years old, were gathered around a child extremely similar to Asuna and another one identical to a much younger Nodoka. As a matter of fact, all of them looked like miniature versions of Ako's classmates; she could see a Mini Konoka, an even tinier Yue, a Haruna, an Asakura, a runny-nosed Ku Fei, a Yuuna, a kid Makie and a silently sitting, stone-faced Zazie-chan.

Chibi-Asuna pointed a finger dramatically to Chibi-Honya. "Mahora Kindergarten Middle Year, Miyazaki Nodoka!" her voice squeaked like a mouse on helium. "I challenge you!"

"Wh-Wha-What…?"the child Nodoka babbled, growing pale and jerking back in terror. "M-M-Me…?-!"

Ako's mouth hung open. Had Not-Asuna just called Not-Nodoka 'Nodoka'?

"We will compete to see who is more adult-like... for the love of Negi-sensei!" Chibi-Asuna completed, her eyes narrowing.

Now that earned a choked gasp from Ako.

And that, in turn, made the children to notice her presence at last.

"Look, look!" Chibi-Yuuna said. "That lady looks just like Ako-chan!"

"She's Ako-chan's Mom!" Chibi-Haruna clapped. "Wow, she's very... _pretty_!" she said in a way JUST SLIGHTLY UNFITTING a five-year old.

"M-Mom?-!"Ako swallowed hard.

Chibi-Yue rolled her impassive eyes. "Haruna, it's very obvious she's only Ako's older sister..."

"Hey, Ako!" Chibi-Asakura called. "Your mom's here!"

"I-I don't have any daughters!" Ako stammered. "I don't know what are you girls playing, but I'm Ak—"

Then the words died in her mouth as she saw a tall and incredibly handsome young man with reddish-brown hair approaching them, with a gentle yet masculine smile and a confident, but never arrogant, stride in his steps.

"Negi-sensei...!" Chibi-Asuna swooned.

"Ne... gi... Sen...sei?-!" Ako's voice came as a strangled whimper.

"Oh, good morning," he greeted her, extending a friendly hand in her direction. "I'm Negi Springfield, the teacher for this class. May I help you with anything?"

After a moment of star-struck fascination, she accepted his hand clumsily. "Oh, oh, ni-nice to meet you, Nuh-Negi-sensei!" She hoped her face wasn't as red as it felt. The giggles of Chibi-Asakura and Chibi-Haruna told her otherwise. "My name is... is... Izumi... Mako!" she finished, somehow feeling she'd better play along with the girls for now. Her mind was too broken to go into the deeper implications and dilemmas of what was happening to her.

"She's Ako-chan's very cute, very hot, very young mom!" Chibi-Haruna sing-sang mischievously.

"Sister," Chibi-Yue insisted.

"May... Maybe a cousin?" Chibi-Nodoka wondered.

Chibi-Asuna, meanwhile, looked up and down at Ako jealously. A colorful series of screens out of a fittingly childish videogame had just flashed into her adorable Chibi-Baka Ranger mind.

**A new challenger has arrived!**

**Round One... FIGHT!**

_**FINISH HER!** _

_**FATALITY!** _

_**BLOOD EVERYWHERE!-!-!-!-!** _

Okay, maybe not such an all ages videogame, after all...

* * *

 

**Makie, Act 1:**

"... Makie-chan?" She felt someone gently tapping her on a shoulder. "Makie-chan, wake up."

"Uh? Uh? Wazzup?" she sat up, rubbing her heavy eyes and wiping the thin line of drool coming from her mouth. "Oh, sorry, Ako-chan. I fell asleep all of a sudden... Guess I should have slept more last night, right? Say, where are Akira-chan and Yuuna-chan?"

The assistant nurse looked at her, somewhat feeling like something was slightly off about her roommate today. "At this time, I suppose they're at their room... Why?"

Makie blinked. "You mean their **rooms**. And Akira lives here, silly!"

Ako seemed a bit taken aback. "Eh?"

Her attention never staying still for long, Makie jumped to her feet and stretched her arms. "Ahhhh! I feel much better rested now! Thanks for everything, Ako!" Looking through the window, she smiled at the bright sun outside. "The storm's over, so the curfew must be over as well!"

"Storm? Curfew?" Ako repeated.

Makie was already grabbing her shoes at the door. "Guess I'll head home, then! Iincho must be worried about me! Ooh, I better call my mamas too! Let them know I'm all right!"

"Makie, you're at home!"

"Thanks, Ako! Always so generous!" the gymnast chirped peppily. "Bye bye!"

"Makie, you still aren't fully awake, are you?" Ako guessed. "I'd bet you fell asleep before going to your practices. You're going to be late..."

"I don't have practices today!" Ako hummed while waving her goodbyes, merrily skipping her way towards Ayaka's living quarters. The short haired nurse looked at her with complete disbelief for a few moments before sighing and heading back, closing the door behind herself. Honestly, she could be such a ditz sometimes. Surely she'd return in a few minutes after realizing her sleepy mistake, giggling and apologizing.

Izumi Ako sat down and began to knit the cute apron she had left unfinished the day before, waiting for Makie to return.

* * *

 

**Madoka, Act 1:**

It was darker than Madoka had expected when she walked out of the building, although the sky seemed clear enough. No threat of a storm after all, huh? Teachers loved to overreact. Funny how night had fallen so quick, too. She looked at her wristwatch. Maybe it was malfunctioning?

She walked along the boulevard heading for the dorm area, noticing the strangely numerous boys walking across the place, chating and joining with each other. Many of them looked at her with those leering gazes she detested so much, as if they hadn't seen a woman for weeks. Madoka cringed in disgust and quickened her pace.

Fortunately, or not, seen from the long run, the entrance to her building was empty, and she made it to her living quarters without running into anyone else. She didn't feel in a real mood for casual conversations.

"Misa? Sakurako? I'm home!" she announced.

But the place was apparently empty. Well, empty of actual human presence, but someone had left a real mess all over the floor. Potato chip bags were scattered all along, and even a few smelly socks were there and here, next to empty soda cans and assorted magazines. Yes, even **that** kind of magazines. A pile of doujin by some trio called OverMistress, Zephyria and the Ansem Woman lay piled in one corner next to a guitar.

"Misa should just come out of the closet already and admit she swings both ways..." Madoka scowled, grabbing one of the skin mags and pushing it into a shelf before anyone else could find it. She looked all around. Damn, Misa had even allowed one of her dime a dozen boyfriends to redecorate behind her back AGAIN. So much for that promise of going steady with Negi-kun.

She felt so tired she decided to just have a hot shower and drop into bed for the whole night. So, without even bothering to check the bedroom, she headed for the thankfully mostly unchanged bathroom, undressed and began showering.

At that moment, three boys wearing matching band outfits marched into the apartment, with exhausted but satisfied smiles. "Boy, we really aced that one!" the one with violet hair said.

"Yeah!" the shortest of the three nodded. "I think it was our best performance yet!"

Violet-Hair hummed with a placid smile. "The only thing that could make this day any better would be having a hot babe waiting for me at home..."

His black haired, stubble-faced friend shook his head and spoke with his unusually deep and resounding voice, "Time to hit the cold showers, Masa. Or to find yourself a new girlfriend, because they sure as heck won't come to you."

"Masa's problem is he looks for them **too much**!" their common friend laughed. "His rep as a horndog only scares them away!"

"Shaddap!" Masa huffed. "Some of us actually have to work for our dates, you know! Not everyone is as darn lucky as you, Sakuraji!"

The third boy jabbed at his chest with a thumb, making a cocky grin. "It's half luck, half natural charm!"

The deep voiced boy hushed them with a few gestures.

"What's up, Mamoru?" Masa asked.

"Did you leave the shower running?" 'Mamoru' whispered, trying to keep his imposing tone as low as he could.

Sakuraji paid attention. "I'm sure I didn't. Wait, we have an intruder in the room?"

"A thief, maybe?" Masa frowned.

"What kind of thief walks into a house and goes to take a bath?" Sakuraji asked back. "A maniac, perhaps? Maybe that Suzumiya weirdo?"

Kugimiya Mamoru growled. "I'm sure it's that Saotome moocher again. Every time his bath breaks down, he finds a way to abuse others' homes! But this time I'm going to teach him one thing or two!"

Sakuraji tried to stop him as he stomped for the bath. "Mamoru-kun, no! What if it's an armed guy?"

Mamoru brushed him off. "Don't be silly! This isn't one of your crime dramas!" Then he bluntly pulled the door open. "OKAY, SAOTOME, PREPARE TO D—!"

His eyes grew huge and round. So did those of the boys behind him.

The naked girl in their shower gasped aloud, pressing a towel against her wet front.

Then the yell shook all of the Academy ground.

"RAPIIIIIIISTS!-!-!-!-!"

Masa, Mamoru and Sakuraji ran like Hell out of the apartment as a barrage of thrown bath utensils, small furniture pieces, and other assorted blunt and heavy objects, rained all over their unfortunate heads.

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Act 2:**

Yuuna slowed down only a bit as exhaustion finally caught up with her, and that was only after running through half of the campus.

Damn! What had Konoka been thinking? She once had shown her, Akira, Ako and Makie a picture of her father, and Yuuna was fairly sure that was the same man she had just seen about to drill into Setsuna.

Sure, Yuuna would often, very often, okay, extremely often, gush and praise her own father's virtues, and she could stare at him all day long, and she had even pleased herself twice or thrice thinking about him, even if she felt guilty about it afterwards... But actually jumping on him and doing... _that_ with him was a wholly different matter! Part of what she liked about her father was how proper and gentlemanly he was, after all. He certainly was not the sort of creep who would nail his own daughter and her best friend.

_At the same time, at Amsterdam, Akashi-sensei sneezed loudly. "Maybe we've spent too long naked. I may have caught a cold..._

_Yuna purred, rubbing herself against him. "Then let's make some more heat..."_

_And they did._

Yuuna, meanwhile, pouted while walking still very quickly, with her arms crossed behind her back. She really was in a good mood to tell Asakura and cash in on the fortune the scandal would bring (she even had a photo!), but then again, maybe the Dean would retaliate. And Dad loved his job. And Setsuna had quite a big sword...

She was pondering calling Kimura Kaere-sempai and consulting her expert opinion on lawyers and cases before making any move when she passed by next to Mana, who was walking with a very tall, muscled man with deeply tanned skin and long blond hair. "Hey, Mana-chan, " she called out, not really thinking much about her.

"Hey there, Gunslinger Girl!" the man greeted him, with a wide foolish grin and a thundering jovial voice.

Yuuna just waved at him as she kept on walking, not paying any actual attention to him. Why was everyone calling weird names at her today? First Konoka called her 'Cousin' and mispronounced her name, and now that...

The puzzled girl passed near Asuna's dorm, seeing her with Negi and a very beautiful tall blond woman, all three of them walking together in the exact opposite direction, not even noticing she was there. Normally, that would have made her curious, especially because they all seemed to be sharing sweet loving whispers, but she was so rattled the only thing that came to her mind was she shouldn't be shocked. After all, that was kinda expected from Asuna after that Valentine's Day at the baths with Chisame.

"When did I become the only one who isn't a slut?" Yuuna wondered aloud.

She went on, now passing near a bush where Fuuka and Fumika were vigorously humping each other. But that wasn't a strange sight to her, so she ignored it outright. "Little freaks..." she muttered.

As she reached her dorm's doorstep, she saw Akira rushing out of it, much more dolled up than usual, and in a rather more risqué way than was her habit as well. "Akira-chan? What are you doing here? And why did you leave—"

"W-What? This is my home too!" Akira interrupted her, nervous all of a sudden. "What are YOU doing here? You were supposed to be in Amsterdam with your dad!"

"Amsterdam?" Yuuna blinked. "Where did you get that—"

Akira looked at her wristwatch and gasped. "L-Look, we'll talk later, okay, Yuna-chan? I'm in a hurry, sorry!"

And she almost ran away, muttering something about Ako to herself. Yuuna watched her depart with an utterly confused expression. Akira-chan too? What the hell was going on there? She even had mispronounced her name.

She walked in and closed behind herself, noticing her dorm looked very different today. It seemed Akira had brought all of her belongings in while she wasn't looking. The nerve of some people. She'd chew her out when she came back. Who had given her approval to move in with her?

Yuuna took a short hot bath to clear her mind, then pulled a robe around herself and sat on the edge of her bed, pulling her key out of her hanging shorts and unlocking the cabinet of her night stand. She pulled out her private diary; while she wasn't the type to write everything she did, being too wild and careless for that, she liked to write the most important and notable things that happened to her, and very few days in her life had been as weird and confusing as this one.

Even the diary looked different today. For some reason, it looked like she had taken a freaking lot more annotations than she remembered. And even beyond that day, as well. The entries until that day were more or less the same, but after it... If she hadn't been seeing her own handwriting on it, she'd have suspected Akira had found the guts to play a prank on her. Maybe this was Misora's fault; she didn't put past her to pull such an elaborate prank.

The 'entries' even covered the upcoming Kyoto trip. Something about a fun-sounding Kissing Negi game, but other than that, nothing too weird. And then a few things about the Mahora Festival that would take place in a few months. Oh, that shooting game seemed interesting. It all was too bizarre, but still, it wasn't enough to unsettle her.

Then she reached the entries about going on a trip following some sort of club Negi had formed. And she winced in sheer disbelief.

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 2:**

"Freeze!" the Magical Girl in the purple, mini-skirted costume, her face covered by white makeup, flew over the giant moth's head, shooting at it with the strange and colorful pop gun, its projectiles exploding on contact. She had a scepter oddly shaped like a crowbar in the other hand. "We almost got 'im! Shoot his wings before he flies away!"

"Yes," a taller girl, this one wearing an armored, shiny chest plate and shoulder pads over her own skimpy costume, said in a cold monotone. She had a strange futuristic looking gun with a thick barrel in one hand, and it shot a zig-zagging ray of ice, encasing the monster's wings in a few frozen layers.

 **"You damned kids!"** the giant insect roared, swinging a claw around and slamming the pretty redhead in the green and purple outfit against a wall. **"I'm sick of you all! Always spoiling my meals! Not anymore! This time, you'll be the dinner!"**

"Mockingbird!" the 'Riddler' girl gasped.

Then the much, much taller girl with short brown hair jumped up, her body changing shape in mid-flight, as if it was made of pure mud. Akira gulped aloud, seeing her becoming a honest-to-God anvil and slamming down on the bug's head as the clownish looking girl approached her fallen teammate.

"Hey, Lex, you okay?"

The redhead stood up with an aloof puff. "Of course I am! This is nothing but a caress to the Mockingird!"

"Amateurs..." the girl in the Batman costume (which for some reason also included a very short, panty showing skirt) grumbled, expertly tossing a Bat-shaped boomerang with a rope around the bug's legs, tying them together and making it to fall down.

Wow, they were good at it. Maybe, Akira thought, she wouldn't need to barge in and engage in gratuitous, badly choreographed violence...

And then the Moth snapped the ropes, shook its wings against the ground shattering the ice, slapped the... batgirl?... and the clown girl away, and began slamming its pincers on the luckily covered by a helmet head of the Freeze child. **"Frozen dinner! Frozen dinner!"**

Well, so much for that idea.

Before the clown girl could swear up a full storm and declare bloody war on the insect, Akira stepped into the alley, trying to remember the instructions Monako-san had given her.

"Halt!" she said, forcing her voice louder.

 **"Huh?"** Killer Mouth growled.

"Now what?" an annoyed Mockingird complained.

Akira inhaled. "Foul beast who preys on the innocents, surrender or face the... um... or fall before the Soldier of Mercury! I am Sailor Mercury, and I will punish you... in the name of Mercury!" she posed as Minako had taught her to.

God, she felt ridiculous. She wouldn't be doing that again.

"What's with Captain Redundant here?" Riddler-chan asked Joker-chan, pointing a finger at Akira. "Is she friend or enemy?"

"I dunno, but I feel like capping her already all the same," Joker-chan mumbled.

"Hnh," Batgirl said.

Killer Moth stared at the awkwardly posing Mercury for a moment, then tossed the Freeze girl straight into her stomach.

Okay, that decided it. She **definitely** wouldn't be pulling that kind of flashy entrance-speech-pose stunt again.

* * *

 

**Ako, Act 2:**

"So, Ako-chan's cousin, huh?" the adult Negi asked affably as she strolled around the grounds alongside him, shadowed by half a dozen of the students, led by a pouting Chibi-Asuna. The child Nodoka, Haruna, Yue, Asakura and Konoka tagged along as well. Asakura was taking notes on a small notebook, although, since she didn't know how to write yet, most of it were just doodles of Negi and Ako together.

"Y-Yes. Sort of..." Ako nodded shyly. She didn't understand what was going on, but she felt it was better to keep up that farce until she could figure it out. "But I think I've lost my way. I'm not supposed to be here..."

"Oh, we don't mind!" he reassured her. "And the train station's very close. Once you're there, you can literally get anywhere."

She lowered her head. "I wish I could be sure..."

He blinked, puzzled by her words. "Do you have to leave right now? I could call you a taxi..."

"No, no, it's okay," Ako said. "I truly can't go anywhere. I... I'd like to stay here until I regain my bearings..."

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked, ever so gently.

"Yes. Only a bit... disoriented."

Behind them, Asuna huffed up and down, her cheeks swelling up comically. Haruna and Konoka shared giggles.

"Do you want to sit down?" he gestured to a nearby bench.

"Y-Yes, thanks," she answered, blushing anew as they sat down, and the girl tried to keep her distance. Asuna sat between them quickly without saying one word, but her expression told everything. "I feel so stupid," Ako shared. "I can't even explain what's happening to me. You'd probably think I'm crazy..."

"Why? No!" Negi said. "Look, no matter how difficult our problems may seem, there's always a way out as long as we talk them over. That's what father always says."

"Your father?" Ako asked.

Negi smiled and looked up. "Yes. He's the most accomplished teacher this city has ever had, so I'm trying to follow on his steps. Sorry, you must think this is a silly goal, but—"

"No! No!" she said. "It's a very commendable dream, really! As a matter of fact... I know someone who has a dream just like that..."

"Your teacher?" he asked her.

"Yeah."

"Have you told him about this thing troubling you?"

"No, I haven't been able to. This is... very recent, but maybe I'll tell him as soon as I see him again," she said.

"Why don't you go back to him right now?" Chibi-Asuna asked her, grumpily.

"Asuna-chan!" her teacher told her. "That's a rude thing to say!"

"I'd go if I could..." Ako mused sadly. Asuna's glare softened a bit, as shame over her actions sank in.

"Why can't you?" she asked.

"I don't know where is he, for starters..."

"Oh, but Negi-sensei can be your teacher in the meanwhile!" Konoka chirped. "We can share!"

"No way! She's too old for him!" Asuna went back to protesting mode.

"And you're too young for him!" Kazumi pointed at her and giggled.

" **She** is too young for him as well..." Yue mused, sipping from her juice noisily.

The child Yuuna, Akira and Makie were dragged a very tiny and reluctant Ako in then, urging her to hurry. "Come on, Ako-chan, you have to meet her!" Yuuna said. "She's your cousin! Your older cousin!"

"B-But I don't have any cousins!" Chibi-Ako protested before the group stopped right in front of the teenager. Both of them looked at each other's eyes with quiet, stunned awe.

"Oh dear..." the older Ako whispered.

"Oh..." the child Ako echoed, and then asked, "Who are you?"

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 3:**

"DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE! And then DIE SOME MORE!" Magical Girl Joker-chan said as she jumped onto Killer Moth's head, slamming her crowbar– er, _scepter–_ down on it until blood flew, and the injured moth man tossed her against a wall.

Akira stood in aghast horror. How brutal! Were most actual Magical Girl fights like that? She'd have to hold a serious talk with Minako and Artemis on the subject.

"Brilliant strategy, Joker!" the girl codenamed Mockingbird snorted at her colleague as she got back up, rubbing her butt.

"Hey, I made him bleed! More than what **you** got, Lex!" the clown girl snapped.

Riddler-chan waved her own staff, confusing the rampaging Moth with a whirlwind of bizarre mirage visions clouding his sight. "Could you two leave the quarrel for later?" she whined, even as Clayface-chan turned her fists into jackhammers and began pounding Moth's stomach with them while Batgirl bombarded his back with tiny explosive boomerangs. "I'm getting tired! We'll be out of power soon! If we don't finish him right now—"

Miss Freeze pouted sadly as her ray gun fizzled, only a small cloud of cold vapor shooting out of it. "Yes. I suggest a strategic retreat."

"Like Hell!" Joker-chan stomped a foot down stubbornly. "This time you aren't escaping, Moth!" She pointed a finger at him. "It's the same fricking crap all the time! Every damn time I'm having a date with Harvey, or cooling down or doing whatever I want with my freaking life, you **have to** begin another rampage and spoil my day by eating people! I've had enough of your crap!"

Her teammates sweatdropped.

"Is she... more worried about her daily routines being disrupted than about the people that monster devours?" Akira asked Riddler-chan.

"Joker is that way..." Riddler-chan stated with a weary sigh.

 **"Don't make me laugh, Toots!"** Moth charged ahead, Joker-chan rolling out of his way just in time. **"After today, you'll never have to worry about boyfriends or movies again! You're food! Food! FOOD! OM NOM NOM NOM!"**

"Oh no, he's gone berserk again," Mockingbird grumbled, materializing some huge power gauntlets around her fists and pummeling Moth's face with them, forcing him back. "You, the newcomer! Brainiac sent you, right? Well then, be of some help, you mouth-breathing idiot!"

"Me? But..." Akira fidgeted. "All I've learned to do yet is how to freeze enemies, and... it didn't work against him when she did it..." she pointed at the stoical Miss Freeze.

"Great, another useless icemaker," Mockingbird huffed, never stopping pounding on Moth's visage even though she felt her own power dwindling. "What's your name?"

"S-Sailor Mercury!" Akira answered quickly.

"Your blue colored outfit and the fact you can manipulate ice points to your being able to control water," Joker-chan lectured suddenly, sounding like Haruna when she explained the plot of some insane manga. "Why don't you try another kind of water based magic?"

"What? But how do I—"

Joker-chan frowned and aimed the staff at her. "Do it. Or else."

"What kind of Magical Girl team-up is this?" Riddler-chan asked.

"Shut up, Evy," Joker-chan told her.

Akira sighed. "Okay, I suppose I * _should_ * try..." She stepped ahead, brought her hands ahead, and shouted, "FLOOD!"

Nothing happened.

"MERCURY WAVE!"

Nothing.

"HEAVY RAIN! VERY BIG STORM! FORM OF A WATER BUCKET!" Akira was getting really desperate. "TSUNAMI! HYDRO-PUMP! DROWN, YOU EVIL THING! Ummm... BUBBLES!" She finally said, and a few small bubbles flew out of her hands, crashing harmlessly against Moth's head.

"Proper diction and spelling of the, well, spells are important to pull them off correctly," Miss Freeze informed.

"So just 'Bubbles' won't do?" Akira gasped, even as Moth tossed Mockingbird aside and stomped towards her. She panicked, saying whatever came to her mind. "DEADLY BUBBLES! ROLLING BUBBLES! MERCURY BUBBLES!"

That last sentence was finally enough to make a veritable onslaught of explosive bubbles to fly out, bursting into Moth's jaws, bloodying them up and making him stumble back.

"That's better!" Joker-chan cheered. "Mattie, while he's stunned! Hold him down for the great finale!"

"Roger!" Clayface-chan turned her hands into thick, tentacle-like ropes of mud, tying the monster into place as Joker-chan jumped up, floating for a few moments while charging power in her staff. "Joke's on you, Moth! Taste my new, super awesome final attack!" She grinned madly, her eyes sparkling. "STAR! LIGHT! **PRANKSTER**!-!-!-!-!"

"What kind of lame name is that?" Riddler-chan twitched.

Lame or not, however, the attack was powerful enough to fill the whole alley with light, blinding Sailor Mercury and also deafening her with its loud boom. She stumbled around, disoriented, until she regained her bearings and saw a hideous splatter of red all over the place, some chunks of hairy bug even on her. She shook them off in disgust, even as Joker-chan stood on top of the Moth's mangled body, laughing insanely with her hands on her hips. "AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Mercury grimaced. "You're mad! You've just killed that... that animal! This isn't what a Magical Girl should be like!"

The five other girls stared at her. "In how many other magical battles had you been before this?" Mockingbird questioned.

Akira opened her mouth, blushed, and managed to blurt, "One..."

"Then you don't know shit," Clayface-chan mumbled. "Honestly, what was Brainiac thinking..."

"I DON'T KNOW ANY 'BRAINIAC'!" Akira all but shouted, her legendary patience broken.

* * *

 

**Madoka, Act 2:**

Madoka's sour face remained stern and strict as she warily looked at the three boys sitting before her.

"So, you guys say this actually is **your** room," she finally spoke again.

"Yeah, the girls' dorms are at the other, very, very far end of the campus," the one who reminded her of a male Misa nodded. "You new around here or something?"

"I've studied at Mahora for more than five years!" Madoka protested. "Who in the world are you three, anyway?"

"Kakizaki Masa!" the purple haired hunk smiled, in a way even more reminiscent of Misa.

"Shiina Sakuraji!" the one who looked like a male Sakurako grinned goofily.

The third one sighed. He was actually kinda pretty, Madoka thought. And his voice was so deep and sexy... "Kugimiya Mamoru..."

Madoka's right eyebrow twitched a few times. It was becoming habitual to her lately. "This is a joke, right?"

"What?" they chorused.

"Misora sure outdid herself this time," the cheerleader hummed. "You three could pass as our twin brothers, yeah. I'm curious, when and where did she hire you?"

"Hire us?" Masa asked. "We haven't been hired to play anywhere in months. Actually, we've been too busy preparing for our exams..."

"Really? Coulda fooled me," Mamoru gave him a cynical sideways look. Madoka shuddered. They even acted around each other just like they did themselves. Now that was method acting. Maybe Natsumi had been roped in to help too?

"Oh, and what's your act for hire? Party clowns? Chippendale dancers?" Madoka tried to snark.

"Well, I've been said I have the body for the latter," Masa chuckled, eliciting a groan from Mamoru, "But no, actually, we're a band. We're still debating on a name for it, though. It has to be something catchy and cool, like... like..."

"Decopin Rocket?" Madoka asked.

The three looked at each other and winced. "TOO GIRLY!" they agreed.

"Okay, I got it, you guys are a barrel of laughs, ha ha," Madoka droned. "Thank you, but please leave now before I call the cops. And tell Misora I'm not amused."

"No, no, for real," Masa thumped his fingers on the table, a wee bit annoyed now. "I tell you, you're in the wrong place, babe. I don't care if you're Mamoru's cousin, but you can't just—"

"I don't even know her!" Mamoru protested.

"How did you call me?" Madoka rose up, slamming her hands on the table. "Why you, cheap playboy...!"

"You don't have anything to fear from me!" Masa shouted back. "I don't like tomboys!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, I hate effeminate pretty boys with dreams of greatness like you!" Madoka was undeterred.

Sakuraji tried to intercede. "Now, now! I'm sure we can reach a—"

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" both of them growled at him.

"Yes, Sir, Ma'am!" Sakuraji shrunk back.

Then someone knocked at the door. "I'll get it!" Sakuraji ran for it, glad to have a chance to slip away from them.

Madoka gasped when she saw the newcomer at the doorstep. It was a really, really tall and cool looking guy, with short grayish hair and glasses. "Hello. My name is Nagato Yuuki," he monotoned. As Sakuraji nodded mutely, cowed by his size, the newcomer looked over at Madoka calmly. "Are you Kugimiya Madoka?"

"Ah... y-yes!" she stammered nervously. "Why...?"

"I have been told by my–" an extremely short pause "–sister Nagato Yuki about you. She wishes to talk with you. I'll bring you to her."

Madoka breathed easier now. Nagato-sempai! Finally, someone who might tell her what was going on! She rushed to his side, nodding eagerly. "Of course, Nagato-sempai! Thank you very much!" She turned to give the other three boys a venomous glare. "As for you three, I don't want to see you here when I get back! And you'd better fix your mess before leaving, too!"

She all but slammed the door on their faces as she walked out with the towering sempai.

The three band members shared puzzled gazes.

Finally, Sakuraji elbowed Masa. "Be honest with us! You been dating crazy chicks again?"

"I wish…"

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Act 3:**

Yuuna's eyes wandered all over her own writing in a mix of bewilderment, morbid fascination and simple, plain, rattling shock.

_Flash of light fell all over us..._

_I found myself flying through the air, tossed like a doll…_

_Found Makie near..._

That was simply too weird for her liking, but what followed disturbed her even more.

— _learned Negi-kun was okay, so I was so happy I decided to drink a little with Rommie-kun..._

— _we kissed—_

— _before I knew it, he was inside of me—_

— _all night long until dawn—_

— _never doggy style, funnily enough—_

She put the journal down, breathing heavily. Okay. Now this wasn't funny **at all.** Not even Misora would ever go that far. What kind of creep had written that?

Her hands trembled, but she breathed deeply and forced herself to continue. She wasn't going to lose her cool. She'd just read through the whole thing, see if it gave her a clue on the joker's identity, and then hideously murder him or her with extreme prejudice. But she'd never lose her cool. Nope.

— _and then Takane-san told me—_

Her eyes bugged out, and she tossed the book down angrily, stomping twice on it. What kind of imbecile—?-! Who the hell could find it funny, to mock her mother's memory like that?-! Making an insane adventure novel of sorts about her death, not only saying she had been some sort of... magical heroine out of a two-bit manga, but also implying Dad had lied to her... all through her life...

She sat back on the bed's edge, crying with rage for a few moments, throwing a punch at the wall so hard her hand ached madly. Her breath puffed in and out as she calmed down very slowly.

She had just remembered... those fuzzy days back then, when she was very little... and she played with that funny looking wand...

"This is stupid," Yuuna grumbled, picking the diary back up and flipping through it again, quickly finding the page where she had left in outrage.

_Then I pressed my lips against Negi-kun's—_

— _these really cool guns, which—_

— _I told him I'd never regret going with him—_

_-The last thing I felt was all of my arm going numb and very heavy, and then I lost all consciousness—_

— _Ako-chan told me we had won—_

_-Donet-san approached me with a regretful face—_

_-"Look, we need to talk about your mother. The truth is, I loved her very much, but whatever you might have been told, your father didn't 'steal' her from me. You can't steal people, no matter what some might think, and she was an adult who made her own choices, always. I loved her, and I miss her, but I'm glad that a part of the person I loved survives in you. And I wouldn't have it any other way."-_

Wait, what the fuck?

— _I couldn't help asking her how it worked—_

— _"You're so much like your mother it's scary..."-_

_-It was so wonderful...-_

Yuuna closed the book again, sweating bucketfuls of ice. No. No. That was just wrong in every way she could think of. Her mother hadn't been a... a... And she wasn't one either. What kind of horrible person could write something like that about them? A stalker? A dangerous pervert? OverMaster? Darkenning?

Then she saw the photo clipped to the next page. That was a very beautiful woman, she had to admit it. But she wasn't feeling wet between the legs just by looking at her while re-reading through the former passage. She wasn't imagining how it could have been. No. Definitely not!

A change of pace. She needed a change of page.

Yuuna kept on reading, until her gaze met the few final pages.

— _found Asuna wandering under the rain like a stray doggy—_

— _brought her home, then went for clothes—_

— _saw Dad there with his pants down, doing a naked Asuna—_

What.

_"Time to make amends, daddy," I said, pushing myself up off of Asuna and the table and into his arms. That shifted him off balance, pushing him back away from the table and carrying me down with him._

What?

_And then I felt happier than ever before—_

What?-!

_"OH! DADDY!"_

Yuuna couldn't take it anymore, slamming the diary shut and repressing her urge to puke. She trembled like an ill woman, her senses overwhelmed, her mind spazzing out. And she cried, burying her face in her hands, wondering what the hell had just happened to the world. Had she just died and gone to Hell? Was that why the light had engulfed her, and now she was reading how she had sex with anything on two legs, including her father, after seeing Konoka being reduced to the same kind of horrible person? What had she done in life, in her real life, to deserve such a punishment? Had she… dear god, had there been some sort of clerical mix-up and she was in _HARUNA'S_ afterlife _?_

She was scared now. Had she written those fantasies herself? She remembered watching a few movies were people developed dual personalities like that. Had she gone crazy? That actually scared her even more.

What should she do?

What should she do?

She plopped down on bed, covering herself up to her neck in blankets, shivering and feeling as defenseless as the day her mother had died. She spent the next few hours there, unable to sleep or move, just thinking and thinking, asking herself what had happened, afraid of even walking out to find some new horror waiting for her.

It was very late by the time Akira walked into the room, looking tired but satisfied, her hair in slight disarray. "Yuna?" she asked, softly. "Forgive my earlier outburst, please. I was... feeling troubled, but I'm... better now. I'm sorry. I'll listen to anything you want to ask or say right now..."

"Don't come any closer," Yuuna growled.

"Yuna?"

"Not a single step more! And my name's pronounced 'Yuuna', damn it!"

* * *

 

**Makie, Act 2:**

Makie hummed a happy tune to herself while strolling through the grounds of sunny Mahora.

_"Negai nose kimi ni todoku yo Lucky Tune..."_

She ignored the makeshift outdoors boxing ring as she passed by next to it, as well as the black haired busty freckled girl with glasses (a veritable walking collection of fetishes) standing on it, next to a scowling Amazonian beauty with short hair (not as big a collection, but a special collector's piece nonetheless). "Remember, we're still accepting challengers! There's a big prize waiting for anyone who can last past 7 minutes in the squared circle with Barahime Mimi-chan!" she yelled into a microphone.

"DON'T CALL ME MIMI-CHAN!" the taller teen roared.

Makie closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the breeze on her face, and then noticed Chisame and Hakase walking along relatively close, along a very cute red-haired little girl around Negi-kun's age.

"Oh, hey, Chisame-chan! Prof-chan!" she greeted. "Fancy meeting you here! Who's that pretty girl?"

"Huh?" the child stopped, looking at Makie. "Good morning, Sakaki. Why are you just wandering around? Shouldn't you be studying for tomorrow's test?" she asked, crossing her arms and keeping her eyes narrowed.

"Ah? What? We have a test tomorrow? But-But we've finished the term! And you are...?" the gymnast asked.

"She's late for her teachers' meeting, that's what," Chisame stepped in to offer. Had Makie been more perceptive, she'd have suspected it was only an excuse. "Sorry we can't spend any longer with you, Sakaki–" and here even Makie noticed she was lying, "–But we also have... urgent matters to attend to."

"Right," Hakase nodded, with her nose still buried into the book she was reading. "Very important, pressing matters, related directly to... uh, science."

"Remember, Sakaki! Study hard for tomorrow!" the child commanded as she was all but pulled along by Makie's (sort of) classmates.

The pink haired athlete waved her off, her eyes turned into black dots. "Ah, uh, sure, you... you..."

"Hurry up, Anya-sensei!" Chisame was walking faster now.

Makie, once left alone, scratched her head. Okay, so she forgot exams often. But she was fairly sure she didn't forget cute child teachers often.

Then again, the only one she remembered ever having was Negi-kun, so maybe she was forgetting others.

She reassumed her walking while taking a mental note of studying for that supposed exam... later, after a nap. Of course, she already had forgotten it by the time she made it to the doorstep of what she fully assumed was her dormitory. She rang on the bell, and Ayaka peeked out to glance at her. "Sakaki-san! What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Iincho!" Makie chirped. "I'm sorry I took so long, but I'm already here!"

"Yes, I can see that," Ayaka said, her expression souring a bit. "But why, may I ask?"

"Ah ha ha, Iincho, you can be such a kidder at times!" She walked in past her. "Sorry, it was my turn to cook today, wasn't it? I'll start working on it right now!"

Chizuru's head poked out of the kitchen as Makie walked closer to it. "Oh? Ara ara, but if it isn't Makie-chan! Will you be staying for dinner?"

"Eh? Well, of course I will, but... Did you come here to cook for us, Chizuru-san? Oh, that's so sweet from you! Thank you very much!"

Behind her, Ayaka sighed and held back a not so nice comment unfitting of a class rep. _Natsumi-san must have invited her over. I'll have to talk with her about inviting freeloaders without our consent when she comes back from her stage practice…_

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Act 4:**

"Yuna, what's gotten into you?" Akira gestured, trying to calm her down. "Look, whatever it is, I'm sure we can talk it out..."

Yuuna's face curved down into an uncomfortable scowl, as her eyes went up and down Akira's figure, trying to read her facial and body language. She acted like the Akira she new. At least enough to comfort her a bit. That made her to lower her guard, exhaling a frustrated sigh. "I'm not so sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore. Akira, what do you know about me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Who's my father?"

"Yuna, what kind of question is—"

"Please tell me, Akira, who's my father?" Yuuna repeated, somewhat sourly.

Akira sat down on the bed, putting a hand on her forehead. "Are you ill? Suffering from amnesia, maybe? Just like Yue—"

Yuuna arched her eyebrows. "Yue has amnesia?"

"A partial case, yes. Did you forget that as well?"

"I don't know," Yuuna ran a trembling hand over her own face. "I guess that'd explain a few things. I suppose I could have done my best to forget _all that_..."

Akira frowned, looking at Yuuna's face carefully. Somehow, something about her, other than her behavior, seemed off.

The basketball player held her journal up. "I don't remember writing half the entries in this journal. But it's my own handwriting; I should know better than anyone. And it's pure insanity. It says a lot of garbage about magic, and Negi, and my mother, and... and..." she couldn't keep it going. "I don't know! It's all so damn confusing!"

Akira tried to make sense out of it all, and decided she should start by the beginning. "Calm down. Let's take this step by step. What do you remember?"

"What do you mean? Well, I can tell you, as far as I remember, I've always had a normal life. No freaky stuff with magic or deviant sex or anything like that... We've just graduated from the second junior high year, and we're about to go on a Kyoto trip with Negi-kun," she sobbed. "The thing is, according to this diary, that trip already happened months ago. Is that true?"

Akira had to nod.

Yuuna's face twitched. "No way. And, even all that wacky stuff about the Mahora Festival...?"

"You mean the shootout, and the stripping robots? Yes, that happened as well," Akira answered.

"And... and... and all the Magical World crap...?" she stuttered.

"If you mean everything since we were caught in the Gaterport incident until the assault on the Ostian ruins, yes, that happened as well."

"Goddmanit!" Yuuna slapped herself on the face. "Then... then everything else must be true as well! Oh, gross! With a wolf man! And a woman! And Dad!"

"Ehhh?" Akira asked.

"I'm a dirty slut, and I hadn't even realized it!" Yuuna cringed, clawing at her own arms. "I need a straight jacket, too!"

Akira wasn't feeling too inclined to debate the latter part, but still, Yuna was her friend, and she wouldn't leave her alone in that time of distress. She wrapped her in a warm hug. "It's all okay, Yuna. I'll help you sort this out. No matter how terrible things may seem, I'll be there for you."

Yuuna rested her chin on her friend's shoulder and whimpered. "Thank you, Akira-chan..."

Then Akira paused in her comforting, noticing something odd as Yuuna's chest casually brushed against her body, the small mounds easy to feel under the bath robe she was wearing, the nipples easy to feel under the thin cloth and the lack of a bra. "Yuna?"

"Yeah, Akira-chan?"

"What... Whatever happened to your breasts?"

"Huh?"

Akira pulled back. "You used to have bigger breasts! You went through a big growth spurt a few months ago, but now it's as if you had—"She shook her head. "Look, forgive me for asking such a thing now of all times, but could you show me your breasts?"

Yuuna, still sore to all sexual implications after her recent reading, backed away in disgust. "Akira, not you too!"

"It's nothing sexual, I promise! Trust me!" the swimmer asked. Yuuna looked into her eyes and apparently believed what she saw there, since she nodded and undid the top of her robe after a brief hesitation.

Akira analyzed her bust-line with concerned eyes. "Yes. They're definitely smaller now. Yuna, have you been tinkering with any of Chao's artifacts?"

"The what of what now?" Yuuna protested. "Since when I have an interest on Chao's gizmos? You saying they shrunk down my breasts?"

"Negi-sensei told us Chao had time traveling devices," Akira said very seriously. "This would sound insane to me too if I hadn't seen so much through our adventures together, Yuna, but I believe you've been transported through time."

Yuuna made **that** kind of face. "No, really!"

"Really!" Akira insisted. "That's why your experiences and ours don't match! Or maybe you're from another world. After all, we traveled to a parallel Mars. Sort of. Who's to say there aren't any parallel Earths too..."

"Akira!" Yuuna said. "Now who's the insane-sounding one? You're talking like a character from those weird manga Haruna reads! The non-H variety, mind, but—"

"Then how do you explain all the differences you found between your life and the Yuna I know?" Akira asked.

"... I'm going crazy? Everyone is, after all. Even Konoka is screwing her dad."

"Konoka is—?-!" Akira gasped, then decided to file it away for now, troubling as the idea was. "No, no, never mind, but—"

"For real! I saw them on my way here! He had just finished her off, and was about to do it with Setsuna!"

It was the swimmer's turn to grimace. Then again, she had just heard Yuna herself fornicating with her father days ago. Konoka doing it as well didn't seem such a huge stretch anymore. "Oh... Okay. We... We'll discuss that later, okay? So, are you sure you didn't see or feel anything strange between the last time you felt the world was normal and... now...?"

"Come to think about it, yes," she nodded. "I was in your room, with you, Ako and Makie. The faculty had us all under curfew because of some freak storm shit. Then we saw a flash of lightning going through the room, I saw rainbows and then I fell asleep. I woke up at the outskirts of Mahora, and made my way here. Along the way I saw Konoka and Setsuna doing... that, and I also saw Mana dating a much older man..."

"A man?"

"Yeah. Big as a tower, long blond hair, dark skin, goofy-ass grin..."

"Full of muscles?"

"Oh yeah."

"Loud voice?"

"You know him?"

"It sounds like Rakan-san, but I wasn't aware he was here," Akira mused. She had barely met him for any real length of time, but she was reasonably sure no one else would fit that description. "Never mind. What matters is this all adds more weight to my theory. You aren't the Yuna I know; like I told you; she's in Amsterdam with her father."

"Most likely fucking the brains out of each other," Yuuna made a rude sound with her mouth, belatedly realizing she still hadn't covered her breasts. Hastily, she did so. Then the implications of everything washed over her. "Wait, that **sounds** like a crazy sci-fi scenario. Crazy as it is, it matches! Sort of. Then... Then it was your Yuna who wrote all of this, not me!"

"I suppose so," Akira nodded.

Yuuna sighed with relief, choosing to latch onto the crazy explanation over the sensible one of simply being batshit crazy. "Then I haven't fucked Dad, and my friend Konoka hasn't fucked hers! At least not as far as I know..."

_Somewhere at the URAE Mahora, Konoka stopped her cooking for only a moment. 'Strange...why have I just thought of Daddy, Setchan and myself THAT way...?' she thought._

_'... Again...?'_

* * *

 

**Madoka, Act 3:**

Madoka looked around uncomfortably as she sat opposite Nagato Yuuki. The Chao Bao Zi looked exactly the same, and yet, there was something strikingly different about it. Most of all the chubby, portly and amiable young man currently serving her meal.

"Thank you, um, um—" she began to stutter awkwardly.

"Yotsuba Satoru," he softly said, with a kind and pleasant smile. "Sorry, but haven't we met somewhere else before?"

"I... I don't think so," Madoka said after some hesitation. Then he bowed and left, and she gave the Nagato boy an exasperated stare. "Okay, now this is creeping me out! What's going on?"

"Where were you last time you felt at ease with your surroundings?" he asked calmly.

That was easy to answer. "I was in the S.O.S. Brigade's quarters, delivering a book for... your sister," she said.

"Did you happen to see anything you deemed strange while there?"

"Nothing. Oh, only a brief flash of lightning on the window, but nothing else."

"I see," was all Nagato said before sipping his green tea calmly.

Madoka eyed him out the corner of her eye. He was oddly hot, as well. Kinda reminded him of Kyon-sempai's attitude, even if he was much more similar to his sister in behavior. "So, um, do you like reading as much as Yuki-sempai does?"

"I would think so. However, I'm still lacking data on her reading habits," he admitted.

"You aren't very close siblings, are you?" she said. "And yet, you're very similar."

"I would expect so," Nagato-sempai droned, and that was it.

"Hm," Madoka said. Not a great conversationalist by any stretch. Like his sister even in that.

And speak of the devil…

Nagato Yuki-sempai quietly walked walked towards them weaving around the other tables set outside the train car, making her way to them. "Hello."

"Hello," her 'brother' replied in the exact same monotone.

"Uhhhh... Hello?" Madoka held up a hand.

"As you can see, I have isolated the singularity," the male Nagato said flatly.

"Indeed. The singularity has been identified as the Kugimiya Madoka missing from our environment. The Data Overmaster sends its messages of satisfaction with the outcome," the female Nagato told him.

Madoka looked back and forth between them. "... Are you two role-playing?"

They looked at her at the same time, then at each other.

"It would seem it is inconvenient to continue with the current conversation, and possible ensuing explanations, at this public place," the male Nagato said.

"I agree," Female Nagato nodded. "I ask for a relocation to your living quarters to continue with this exchange, then perform the jump."

"What? What?" Madoka cringed. "You two are going to **his** room? And you want me to go with you, right?"

"That is correct," Male Nagato said emotionlessly.

Female Nagato read the discomfort in Kugimiya's expression. "Please relax. Rest assured we have no intentions of using your physical self for any acts of self-gratification or unauthorized intercourse." There was a beat. "Besides which, we are... siblings," she said, just as emotionless. "Such habits, as I understand it, are regarded as decadent and socially unacceptable, despite the example of the Narutaki twins."

Male Nagato blinked, and tilted his head. "The Narutaki twins engage in such activities within your paradigm?"

"Yes,"

Male Nagato paused. "Are we allowed to initiate the 'Brain Bleach' protocol?"

"For what purpose?"

"The removal of the hypothetical image of male Narutaki twins of this paradigm engaging in such."

Female Yuki paused. "I fail to see why you would wish for the removal of such hypothetical imagery."

Male Nagato paused now. "Ah. This is the yaoi fangirl effect, the antithesis of the yuri fanboy phenomenon Saotome Haru espouses?"

"I believe so."

Male Nagato considered. "I believe I still wish to apply Brain Bleach."

"I-I-I didn't mean anything like that!" Madoka jumped back into the conversation, latching on to the last thing she understood, and unknowing of how lucky she was she didn't understand the rest, blushing crimson. _Although in these times, you never know...!_

"Then please follow me," Yuuki stood up, paid the bill and walked away.

"Yes," Yuki followed him immediately.

"All-Alright!" Madoka stammered, dashing behind them, breathing heavily. _Nothing bad will happen, nothing bad will happen..._

Also, she definitely **wasn't** having treacherously dirty thoughts of rolling in bed naked with Nagato-sempai and her twin brother. No, she definitely wasn't.

She hoped they had protection at hand in the worst case scenario, anyway.

God, living with Misa was twisting her!

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 5:**

Akira had a bad feeling about following those crazy Magical Girls to their supposed leader's headquarters. She could feel something disturbing and deeply wrong about them all, except maybe the Batgirl. And yet, as she followed them, seeing them happily chatting about boys and food (again, except for the Batgirl, who sulked while marching slightly apart from the group), they didn't look that different from Yuuna, Makie and the others. And besides, what other choice did she have?

Finally, they reached the back door of a small and old electronics shop. Joker-chan looked around, making certain there was no one else in sight, before knocking on the door and asking, "Brainiac? Hey there, Brainiac! It's us!"

The door opened from the inside with an ominous creak, and Joker-chan carelessly walked in, the Batgirl creeping silently right behind her. Then Mockingbird, Clayface-chan, and Riddler-chan. Seeing Akira figuratively frozen in place, Miss Freeze took her by a hand and pulled her in with herself, closing behind them.

The place was much bigger inside than it had seemed while she had stood out. It clearly was only the back of the store, but still, it looked more like a storage area for some sort of government research institute or laboratory. Akira was fairly sure Hakase would have loved it. There were huge computers on display everywhere, along with video screens showing images from all over the city. She recognized a police station, several banks, and many schools. Mainly schools.

"Brainiac...!" Joker-chan called out as she continued walking in. "Where are you now? We found this other Magical Girl, and she says she's from another world! We thought you'd be interested!"

Akira also saw several strange animals in cages and tanks as she followed the others. Many of them didn't even seem to be from Earth, and had bizarre nametags under them.

 _Larval Thanagarian Snare Beast_.

_Quantum Weather Butterfly._

A blue furred, buck toothed monkey foamed off the mouth. _Exorian Spitting Primate. Handle with caution._

A small white furred creature with red eyes, similar to a ferret, slept in another container. _Incubator. Approach under no circumstances_. Next to it was a display case containing a red, blue, and white bracelet. In another, seven rings in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet stood, with a blank space for an eighth. A shimmering cube stood at another pedestal, helpfully labeled _Cosmic Cube of Sector 2814._ A vial of some dark liquid hovered in mid-air in some kind of force field. There were warning labels all around it, and a card saying _Pure, undiluted shadow CRACK. Extremely hazardous._

The chills hit Akira even fiercer now.

Another small monkey, this one an albino with a very long tail, ran to greet Joker-chan, jumping into her open arms. "Koko!" she laughed.

"Ah. Joker," a very tall woman with a bony body and coldly aloof, pale face framed by short blond hair walked into sight, wearing a long dress in solid black. Her skin had an unnatural sickly tone about it, almost greenish. Her voice was rich and cultured, tinted with a heavy accent Akira didn't even begin to recognize. "I receiced intelligence on the results of today's altercation. Well done," she congratulated dryly. "Drury Walker was beyond healing at this point." She regarded Akira coolly. "Welcome. Please ignore Joker's outrageous claims and call me Mildred Fine. In turn, I ask- How should I address you?"

"G-Good afternoon," Akira bowed. "You... can call me Sailor Mercury. Please forgive my intrusion, but... Joker-san and the others told me you could help me..."

The woman studied her analytically. "Japanese, no doubt. Fourteen years old, with a swimmer's physique. Your lack of confidence and your uneasiness makes clear you are new to this... venture. You are scared, no doubt after witnessing one of Joker's habitual displays of wanton brutality in battle. And now, from the subtle shifts on your facial reactions, I can tell my intonation and my analysis further push you into uncertainty. Relax. You are amongst... allies."

"S-S-Sorry," was all Mercury managed to stutter.

"Please sit down. I shall bring tea." She turned around and marched back out of sight.

Riddler-chan put a hand on Akira's shoulder and smiled at her. "Don't let her get under your skin. She's that... _intense_ with everyone. Almost as bad as Bryce."

"Hrmph," the Batgirl grunted, looking aside as she grabbed a chair for herself.

Joker-chan chuckled cagily. "No one, not even Brainiac, is as bad as Bats..."

"Shut up," Batgirl snorted.

"Why so serious, Batsy?" Joker-chan pranced around her. "Something wrong about me today? You usually aren't that... _distant_..."

"No. Nothing wrong," Batgirl's eyes narrowed angrily then. "As a matter of fact... There's nothing wrong about you that I can't fix... with my hands..."

"Oooohhh, I'd **love** to have those fixing hands all over meeeee!" Joker-chan cooed.

Mockingbird looked at Akira and nodded, answering her unspoken question. "Yes, they are pretty much always like that with each other."

"I see..." Mercury nodded wearily. And she thought Asuna and Ayaka had it going bad...

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Act 5:**

Now the two of them were just sitting on the bed together, talking and sharing impressions, more relaxed with each other's company.

"Really? So Negi-kun lives with Asuna and Konoka?" Yuuna asked. "Hoo boy, I only hope Konoka's bad habits don't rub offon him. Wait, today I saw Negi and Asuna with a tall blond woman. Who was that?"

"It must have been Arika-sama, Sensei's long-lost mother," Akira answered. "We found her after defeating Cosmo Entelecheia. She's staying with them for now."

"Oh, that's a relief," Yuuna sighed. "If his mother's around, then no way she'll allow Konoka to do that anywhere near her son. I guess that explains why they were doing it at that dirty place..."

_Somewhere the universe was laughing at Yuuna…_

"I think so," Akira nodded, thoughtfully offering her another small cup of tea. "Who does your Negi-sensei room with, then?"

"Chisame and Hakase. There are some rumors saying Hakase and Sakurako are an item, and Asuna and Chisame seem to be girlfriends, but there's nothing wrong with that, right? As long as it isn't with a much older woman..." she reminisced over the lines about Donet.

Akira nodded in a stiff manner, the mention of Sakurako's name bringing her awfully vivid memories of their foursome with Madoka and Ako earlier that night. "Right... I mean, well, if Yuna had... contact with that woman, I'm sure they'd both have their reasons for it. They must have thought it was... the right thing to do right then."

"Yeah, right, because sleeping with my mother's lover is always such a healthy thing," Yuuna huffed.

"We all have lapses in judgment..." Akira offered.

Yuuna sighed, crossing her arms behind her neck. "Sorry. I guess I'm being antsy about it because I don't know if the same past could be true about **my** Mom, though."

"Even if it was, that doesn't change the kind of person your mother was, does it?" Akira asked. "You said it, Donet-san and Yuna's mom stopped meeting once Yuna's mom and dad married. Her mother was a faithful and devoted woman, and in the end that's everything that matters."

She felt like slapping herself inside. The girl who had just slept with three other classmates at once, praising the virtues of faithfulness. She realized she was being a hypocrite, but it was for Yuuna's sake.

"Her father, on the other hand..." Yuuna grumbled.

The swimmer sighed. "I'm afraid I can't justify that one. But you can find some solace in learning from her mistakes. That's something you can't say a lot of people can do."

"Yeah, it's not always you can say you took a look at your future and saw what you did wrong. Or will do wrong. Whatever," Yuuna agreed. "But it isn't of much use if I can't go back home to start with."

Akira put a hand on hers and smiled gently. "I'm sure Negi-sensei and Hakase will figure a way out for you. In the meanwhile, you know you can stay with us if you want."

"Thanks, Akira," she said sincerely. "Good to see at least someone is still the same good old person I knew."

The taller girl looked down. "No, actually, I'm not an innocent myself."

"Huh?"

"I'm not a virgin either..." she confessed. "That's why I really can't stake any claims of being in a position to judge anyone."

Yuuna blinked. "Akira! But... I'm sure any guy you would go with would have to be—"

"I've never been with a man!" Akira offered very quickly. "I mean, yes, I consider myself mostly heterosexual, but... I've never met a man I'd feel comfortable with. Other than Negi-sensei, but he is... you know..."

"Far too young?"

"And spoken for."

"Who—?"

"Asuna," Akira said. "It's not official, of course, but it's very obvious. It has hurt Ako a lot..."

Yuuna hummed. "Well, the Asuna I know wouldn't ever give him the time of the day..." then she noticed Akira's sudden depressed turn and patted her on the back. "Come on, Akira-chan. As long as that girl and you love each other, there's no shame in it. My other me is much worse, and she has no shame about it, right?"

"It... it's not a single girl..." Akira said in a very small voice.

"What?" Yuuna asked.

"It was one at first, but tonight... right after you saw me leaving, I met that girl again... and she was on a date with someone else... and then that other girl was in a relationship with another one. One thing led to another, and, well... we ended up... together..." She hid her face in shame.

"... All three of them?"

"Yes," she admitted.

"... At once?"

"At once."

Yuuna's eyebrows went up and down. "Okay. I see..."

"Sorry. I can't blame you if you don't want to stay with us, all things considered..."

"No, no, I can cope. Yeah. Maybe I'll have to punch my Dad, I mean, that girl's Dad in the face as soon as I see him, and then yank her hair off and slam her face against a wall for doing that to Mom's memory, but after that, I'll be okay. Really. And I don't think there's anything, um, really wrong in what you four were doing, as long as you all agreed on it..."

There was a very, very, very long moment of silence.

"Haruna, Misa, and Asakura, right?" Yuuna finally dared to ask.

"No, Haruna is mostly all mouth, Asakura... we're pretty sure she's mostly monogamous, and Misa... wasn't there with—"

"Sakurako and Madoka!" the basketball player gasped.

Akira bit her tongue. "... You caught me."

"Well, our Sakurako swings that way too, but Madoka always seemed very into guys," the girl from another world pondered. She debated asking who the fourth girl was, but she was reconsidering her curiosity after seeing how embarrassed Akira looked. "Sorry, Akira-chan. Shouldn't have asked..."

"No. It's okay. You're far from your home, and you feel you need to know as much as you can about this place. I understand. And frankly, I don't think I should be ashamed at all about my relationship with the other girl. Because she's the one I truly love. She's Ako."

Yuuna nodded, impressed, wondering if her Akira and her Ako also had something going on behind closed doors.

( _For the record, between you and me, they didn't. At least not yet._ )

Seeing how sulky Akira was, Yuuna hugged her from behind. "Cheer up! I'm happy for you. You're a much beloved girl, Akira-chan!"

She sobbed. "I don't know how we'll able to hold this up..."

"Huh?"

"After tonight, nothing will be the same ever again. If Ako's my girlfriend now, what does this make Madoka and Sakurako to us? We were so caught on the passion of it all, we didn't even bother to talk it out afterwards. We just agreed we'd discuss it later. But Yuuna, I'm worried about that 'later'. Will it bring us closer, or split all of us apart? I don't know what to do, or what should I—"

"You love Ako?"

"Yes. Yes, of course I do. But I also love Sensei..."

"And Sakurako and Madoka?"

"I like them, and I don't want to make either suffer, and being with them was wonderful, but... I don't _love_ them. But Madoka loves Ako, and Sakurako loves Madoka, and there's no way this can end well..."

"I'm sorry, Akira-chan," Yuuna couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Don't be. Nothing of this is your fault."

"Don't feel bad, please. I'm a much worse person than you. I... While I was reading through all those horrible things, I... I felt myself excited despite knowing it all was so wrong. And... and it isn't even the first time," she confessed reluctantly. "I have... thought of _him_ a few times while I touch myself..."

"Yun–Yuuna!"

"Yes, I'm just as bad as her, I just haven't begun practicing yet," the other girl lamented. "And I don't ever want to, really! But I can't stop fantasizing about it. It makes me nauseous, but if he walked right now through that door and said he wanted to make me his, I... I don't know if I could resist..."

"Don't say that!" Akira told her firmly. "You resolved to succeed where she failed, remember? Find your own path in life, please!"

"I will," Yuuna promised. "But I'm still a dirty slut deep inside..."

"No, unlike me, you haven't actually **done** anything!" Akira protested. "If anyone's a... slut here, that's me!"

They stared at each other's eyes, both breathing deeply and on the verge of crying, their mouths softly puffing on each other's faces. It felt warm. Nice.

"This is all so surreal..." Yuuna said. "It feels like a dream... or a doujin… or some kind of eroge scenario… or a bad fanfic…"

"Yes..." Akira agreed.

"If it's a dream..." she whispered, "Then there's no harm in this..."

She craned her neck ahead, softly brushing her lips against Akira's. It was her first mouth to mouth kiss. It felt wonderful.

"Yuna—-I mean, Yuuna!" the taller girl gasped.

"Like I told you, I'm a horrible person, Akira-chan..." Yuuna sniffled. "Dad isn't the only one I've thought of while doing that..."

"Yuuna, we can't—!"

"You're always so serene and beautiful, so elegant and yet friendly..." she panted, leaning in to lick her lips like a hungry kitten. "And right now, I can't think of anything but how you were with Madoka and Ako and Sakurako, and wonder—- and wonder—"

Akira breathed deeply, her recently excited instincts flaring again by the sight of the beautiful face over hers, and the feeling of those lips on hers. She clutched on Yuuna's arms and began kissing back, intensely, pushing her on her back against the bed. Yuuna's hands began fumbling with her top, pulling it off in a single yank. Her own hands, in turn, undid Akashi's robe, opening it and pulling it aside, then cupping the developing bare breasts in her hands and allowing herself to go.

_Please forgive me, Ako-chan... Again..._

Ahhh... and on that happy note, we cut back to another Akira, at another world, doing her own best attempts to cope...

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 6:**

"My real, birth name is Vril Dox. I am the sole survivor from the glorious planet Colu, the most scientifically advanced civilization in my galaxy," Mildred Fine began once all the girls had sat in a semi circle around her. Joker-chan yawned, having heard that story several times by now. "That prosperous world was ravaged by Uxar of Apokolips, tyrannic queen of a race of conquering warlords. The last few of us managed to slay Uxar, destroying her latest physical form. However, she managed to encapsulate her very living essence into hundreds of small biological units known as the Dark Seeds. Those Seeds were sent hurtling towards Earth, most of them landing across this area, amidst the cities of Gotham and Bludhaven."

"Gotham," Akira breathed out. So she wasn't in Japan anymore. Then, why did it seem like everyone was talking in Japanese? True, no one seemed to use honorifics, but other than that, it was a flawless pronunciation and everything .

Then she glanced at a map of the world hanging from one of the walls, and more or less understood. Japan was where the United States of America should have been, and vice-versa.

Her head ached already.

"Sadly, all my remaining partners died from wounds sustained in battle, and I am a scientist, not a warrior," the woman continued narrating, not sounding honestly all that sad. "So, I had to resort to asking for help from biologically compatible young women who could help me collect or destroy the Dark Seeds. Once a Dark Seed contacts a human being, it transforms them into monstrous abomination, much like the man you fought today."

"So that creature used to be a man?-!" Akira gasped aloud.

"One Drury Walker, petty crook, yes," Fine nodded calmly. "The Seed transformed him into a cannibalistic insectoid. Regretfully," she said without any real regret in her voice, "due to Joker's continued failures to stop him before, the Seed fully bonded with his organism, making his healing impossible. Under those conditions, there was no alternative but destroying the host body."

"So you killed a man!" Akira gave the other girls a horrified look.

"Never a pleasant thing to do..." Batgirl mumbled grimly.

Joker-chan shrugged. "What else could we do? He wasn't a man anymore."

"It doesn't work like in the cartoons," Mockingird say. "Sometimes you have to resort to lethal force. If you can't understand that, you're in for a rude awakening."

Akira's face froze into a disgusted expression, but she didn't keep on pursuing the topic.

Fine continued her explanation. "Out of all the human beings, those who are still young and of the female gender respond the best to my... augmentations, so I have assembled a team of young ladies to act on my behalf. To carry their activities without government interference, they have agreed to take on codenames and secret identities. Jacqueline Napier, the Joker. Alexandra Luthor, the Mockingbird. Victoria Fries, Miss Freeze. Evelyn Nygma, the Riddler. Mathilda Hagen, Clayface. And Br—"

A miniature bat-shaped boomerang swooshed through the air, nailing itself into the wall next to Brainiac. The Batgirl stared at her with scary intensity. "Just Batgirl."

"Bryce Wayne, the Goddamn Batgirl!" Joker-chan obnoxiously corrected. "Originally she worked for Brainiac's rival, some crazy old bat named Metron who looked to revive that Uxar hag by gathering all the Seeds! However, after realizing she'd been tricked LIKE A FOOOOOOOL–!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, "— she joined us, much to our disgrace!"

"In other words, she's our Sixth Ranger," Clayface-chan summed up.

Batgirl turned her back on them. "Cretins."

"Never mind her, she's always that friendly," Riddler-chan said. "But now it's **our** turn to question you! Riddle me this, riddle me that, who are you? Exactly where do you come from? Do you work alone? Do you have a boyfriend? If so, is he handsome? And does he have brothers?"

She sighed. "My name is Sailor Mercury, born Ookuchi Akira. I just was inducted last week into becoming a Sailor Senshi. I'm 14 years old and study at Japan's Mahora Academy—"

* * *

 

**Interlude: Batman.**

**Back in a good ol' Unequally Rational and Emotional World**

_The penthouse of the Washimine Tower, Tokyo._

"Ginji-san?" Washimine Yukio asked as she walked into the room, turning the lights on. "What was that? I thought I had heard—"

The young woman gasped aloud then, seeing the large figure of her bodyguard lying face down on the carpet, still and silent, with several fresh bruises all over his body, and a few darts sticking out of the back of his neck. "GINJI-SAN!" Forgetting caution, she rushed to his side, checking his pulse. Luckily steady. "Ginji-san! Please wak—!"

Then something sprang out of her closet and grabbed her forcefully, pushing her against a wall, lifting her up until her large dark eyes met those cold, blank eyes under the black mask. She didn't scream like the panicking schoolgirl she had used to be. She only made a stifled gasp.

The man holding her was even bigger than Ginji, and had several bruises and cuts all over him as well. Only now did Yukio notice the complete disarray the room was in, but her more pressing for now was the tall mystery man growling into her face, in perfect Japanese.

**"Where's the Joker?"**

She was only a young girl. Recently forced out of school to assume the dirty duties of her ill father. Only heiress. Victim of her own circumstances. So young. Trapped into a role she never asked for.

Yakuza Princess.

Ally of the Joker.

She didn't talk.

The Batman pressed stronger.

"Every lead pointed me here. No other gang at this city has dealt with him. It has to be you."

"We're nothing but humble traders on electronics—" she began reciting her lines like a young Golden Globe winner.

"The Joker's actions will bring dishonor to your family. Where is he?" his voice was as relentless as his grip.

"—I don't know what are you talking about. We will call the police," she gulped for air. "The guards. How did you pass through the guards...?"

His eyes grew narrow, unforgiving. "One by one."

"We are law abiding citizens. My father is an elderly ill man. Please respect our—"

"Innocent people will die," he cut her words short.

The girl fell silent, finally cracking under the pressure. "Father told me to—"

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. We were instructed not to learn much. Father said it was too ugly for me to know. We don't kill for nothing like you Americans do. We try to actually—"

"What did you give him?"

"A dozen of our men. We know we'll never see them again, but Father still insisted he got the best. Weaponry. Two trucks. That's all he asked for," Yukio said.

"And?"

"He left. Very soon. Thank the Kami. He was... even more unpleasant than you."

_Even worse than Chaka, as a matter of fact._

"He said... promised... he'd be out of the city..." she still managed to voice. "Let me go… You're hurting me..."

A child with a battered, broken childhood behind her, just like him.

A child who had just handed a monster the resources to kill at least dozens.

He still let her go.

"If blood is spilled because of you, I'll come back for you," he promised.

She coughed, crawling back to Ginji's side. "Then hurry up. You know nothing about real life, or how it works. You can't change the world hiding behind a mask and bullying others to—"

"Yakuza are all about bullying and intimidation," the Batman told her.

Yukio buried her face into Ginji's body, denying the American the sight of her tears. "I know. But I'll never pretend to change the world. I've learned that's impossible. If I could—"

Then she noticed he already was gone.

The young woman sniffled. Perhaps he was even more unpleasant than the Joker. The latter, at least, had said goodbye...

Granted, he'd made her want to take a bath afterwards, but still…

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 7:**

"You can leave now," 'Brainiac' coldly said as she finished running the scan on Akira's bio-signatures, or at least that was what she had said she was doing. Since it had involved making her to sit naked on a cold metal chair as she ran a small yellow lantern all over her body, Akira had her serious doubts about the woman's intentions, but she had said getting full information on her biological systems and body structure was necessary to find a way to send her back home, so she had complied.

To be honest, Mildred Fine never displayed any emotion at all while examining her, and the other girls paid her no attention either, instead choosing to wander off to watch _Demonic Cannon Girl Musical Something-or-Other_ on TV. All of them but Joker-chan, who simply sat near watching and watching at Akira with morbidly fascinated eyes. Seriously, what there wasn't wrong with that girl?

Oh, right. A Joker, after all. Akira read the newspapers. That tickled something in her head, something about Batgirl and Gotham, and…? She was missing something…

"The tests I will run onthese results should be finished by tomorrow, around this same time," Brainiac calculated. "In the meantime, Ookuchi Akira, you will better stay with one of my recruits. I have no facilities fit for human rest in these premises."

Riddler-chan finally looked away from the TV. "Lex, why don't you take her in? You have the biggest house out of us all."

"You know Father never allows me to bring... strangers into the mansion!" the haughty redhead huffed. "Not after the latest attempt on his life! Why don't you ask Wayne? She doesn't have parents who could object!"

The Batgirl brooded while taking notes on the ridiculously cute and lovely dresses and critters of the show. "I refuse to have my Batcave's security compromised. Besides, I need to investigate these reports about a 'Catgirl'. And Alice gets angry when I bring unapproved guests. …"

"Her maid," Clayface-chan explained. "She's one truly scary dame."

"Oh," Akira said while pulling her pants up. She had returned to her civilian clothes after deactivating her Sailor Senshi powers.

"She can stay with me!" Joker-chan offered quite readily.

The rest of the girls stared at her. "You sure, Jackie?" Riddler-chan asked.

"Yeah!" the Genki nutty girl nodded very quickly. "It'll be okay! Dad and Mom never suspect anything!"

Alexandra Luthor made a worried face. "Never? Exactly how often do you bring strangers to your room? No, forget it! I don't want an answer!"

Joker-chan giggled. "Oh, Lex, you aren't one to talk. We all know what you did that time with those two upperclasswomen, Mercy and Hope..."

"THOSE ARE ONLY UNFOUNDED RUMORS!" Alexandra roared.

Evelyn Nygma whispered to Akira. "What has ten probes and never stays still? Joker's hands, that's what. If you're sleeping with her, try to stay away as much as you can, and keep your back against the wall at all times. We nearly didn't survive our first pajama party."

Being close enough to listen, Miss Freeze shuddered despite her flat expression. Horrible memories were flowing back into her.

_Jackie gently caressed Victoria's face as she took her from behind..._

Akira nodded bravely. "I understand. Rest assured, I have had similar experiences. Once, I had to fight a similarly minded classmate off..."

Elsewhere at the Unequally Rational and Temporarily Out of Focus Mahora, Haruna groaned while rubbing her ribs. "Ooooh, the old spot where Akira-chan kicked me that time is acting up again...!"

* * *

 

**Madoka, Act 4:**

"Don't you have any roommates?" Madoka looked around from her spot next to Yuki at the kotatsu.

"No," Yuuki's voice replied from the kitchen. Overall, Madoka liked what she was seeing. Maybe a bit too drab and Spartan for her tastes, but the dorm room was so neatly ordered it was hard to believe it belonged to a man. Many, many shelves full with perfectly categorized books, as well. Yuki was reading through one of them at that moment. Some sort of science fiction novel by one Rebecca Asimov. A pile of ash stood next to the window, the cover barely intact. Some novel by someone name Stephen Meyer.

"Okay, then. What did you want to tell me?" the cheerleader asked when Yuuki came back with three steaming cups of tea.

"Drink," the tall boy offered her one of the cups.

Madoka sighed and grabbed it, thanking with a nod and sincerely praying inside for the drink to lack any kind of added drugs. "Don't stall anymore, okay? Why have you brought me here?"

"Requesting access to the Data Banks on Inter-dimensional Protocols 8421," the boy monotoned, not talking to Madoka or his 'sister'. "Access allowed for Data Entities Nagato Yuki and Nagato Yuuki. Downloading the Data on Transgression for the Reversability Limits of the Dimensional Planes."

"Download Complete," Yuki talked back. "The explanation can begin now."

Madoka looked back and forth between both. "No offense, but you two really should be kept apart, did you know that?"

"It all begins with Kyon-san," Yuki said. "It is difficult to explain it with the limited vocabulary your language has, which after all was developed as a means for monkey to yell at other monkeys in the next tree. Several key pieces of information might be lost through the explanation. However... neither Kyon-san nor we are normal human beings. Most likely, neither are you. Out of all the members of our Brigade, only Suzumiya Haruhi fits the established parameters of human normalcy."

"Yeah, that's a good joke. Never took you for the kidding type, sempai," Kugimiya grumbled.

"That is not what I mean," Yuki said. "I'm not talking about the character traits expected from the average human being. My dimensional counterpart and I are life forms with a humanoid appearance designed to be able to interact with your species."

Madoka spat her tea all over the table. Without missing a beat, Yuuki began to wipe it clean with a cloth.

"Y-You are **robots**?-!" Madoka gulped. Well, that would explain a few things about their behavior. "Hakase has a lot of explaining to do!"

"Not exactly," said Yuuki. "We were created by the Data Overmaster entity responsible for the maintenance and supervision of this galactic system. The procedures involved in our creation go beyond what you would consider robotics."

Madoka rubbed her temples. "Chisame's right, there are far too many crazies in this school!"

"Using a more vulgar terminology, you might call us aliens," Yuki continued. "You are, according to our latest estimations, a latent 'slider'. That would explain your apparently random movement to this alternate dimensional plane."

"Aliens? Slider?" Madoka repeated, her face white as a sheet.

"A slider is a being gifted with the capacity to travel, or 'slide' between different dimensions," Yuuki took over the explanation again. "However, your raw capabilities need training and mastery, otherwise they only will cause you uncertainty and confusion."

"Wait, this never happened to me before!" Madoka protested. "How can I be one of those sliders?"

"My theory is your powers only woke up after your recent string of close contacts with Kyon-san, and were accelerated by your exposure to the current series of dimensional-altering events sweeping through the Mahora Academy we hail from," Yuki took her turn.

"Yeah, about that!" Madoka was this close to pulling her hair off. "Screw that dimensional alien crap, just tell me how I can get back there, if we're really in another mad world where we're all boys and all boys are girls!"

"Gladly," Yuuki nodded. "Machines, accidents upon contact with dimensional holes, and willing activation of Slider powers are not the only ways there exist to travel through different dimensions." She stood back up. "We only need a transfer of your organic data, shifting back to their original location."

Yuki followed him, and after a few moments of stupor, so did Madoka. The cheerleader blushed deeply when she saw they were in his bedroom now. He was pulling a spare futon out of his closet and spreading it on the floor next to his.

"Come on!" she jerked back. "Are we supposed to sleep here? That is... Your sister and me?-!"

"Yes," said Yuuki. "Sleep."

"You _will_ be taking the couch, won't you?-!"

"I have no need for sleeping. I must remain awake while the process of sliding takes place. I will attempt to tap onto your inner powers and channel them to cause your body and Nagato Yuki's to shift back into your homeworld."

"Can that really be done?" asked Madoka.

"Yes. I got here by merely channeling on the leftover energies you left at the SOS Brigade's headquarters," Yuki informed.

"It's only sleeping," Yuuki calmly promised.

"I-I haven't said anything! Well..." Kugimiya frowned, "If there's really no alternative..."

She followed Yuki's example and shifted under the covers of the futon next to hers, before shooting Yuuki a murderous glare. "If you try and touch us, I'll kill you, alien or not!"

"Physical contact won't be needed for—"

"Don't you try to pull an End of Biblion on us either!" she barked, remembering that creepy scene in that anime movie Haruna had shown them once.

"I will not," he promised after a brief peek into his databanks to understand what she meant.

"Hmph. You'd better," she mumbled while he turned the lights off, sitting down in complete silence.

"But if it works..." Madoka finally said, sounding softer now, "... Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said.

Falling asleep was actually easier than she had expected.

As she dozed, her final waking thoughts were that tea better had not been doped after all.

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 8:**

"Mom, Dad, this is Ookuchi Akira, and she'll be studying with us this next term. She's an exchange student from Japan's Mokona Academy—"

"Mahora," Akira humbly corrected.

"Whatever," Jackie corrected carelessly, her now-black to black hair made into twin braids. "In any case, she's staying here for the night, okay?"

Mrs. Napier adjusted her glasses and smiled at Akira. "Oh, dear. You seem to be a nice girl, Akira. Glad to meet you; I'm Leslie, Jackie's mother. This is my husband Jack."

"'Evening," the man reading the newspaper greeted her with a short nod. He gave Akira's curves a brief look of appreciative look before sinking back into his reading.

"I'm so very honored to meet y—" the swimmer began, bowing very respectfully.

"Well, that settles it then!" the American girl laughed, grabbing Akira by a hand and pulling her along up the stairs with herself. "We already ate out with Victoria and the girls, but you can bring us cookies too if you want, Ma! Just remember knocking before entering!"

"We **are** walking in if we hear any weird noises," the man dryly warned while his eyes discreetly followed the shifting of Akira's butt with each step up. "I still haven't forgotten how you almost got us in trouble with **Lionel Luthor** himself once, Missy."

"Lex was a willing participant!" his daughter called from above.

"The claw marks on your door say otherwise!" the man shook his head. "This is why we shoulda have had a boy." There was a beat. "No, what have I just said? Scratch that off."

His wife nodded sagely.

...

"And this is Harvey Quinzeel, the boy I like!" Jackie almost pushed the portrait into Akira's face. "Isn't he the biggest hunk ever? He's a star gymnast, and has won several medals and stuff. You familiar with gymnastics, Kira?"

The Japanese girl nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact, one of my closest friends is a gymnast herself..." She sat down on the bed's edge, looking as her energetic hostess moved around, never still for a second.

"Are your friends Magical Girls too?"

"No, actually, I only know one Magical Girl, Venus-san, and I just met her last week. Like I told you, I'm only starting in this," she shared. "Truth be told, I don't know if I will continue with it..."

"Don't say that! Being a magical superheroine is the coolest thing ever! I mean, yeah, you take a lot of horrible beatings, and you're left with little time to socialize, but what the hell, I already scared people away before this. Dunno why; people always overreacts about me. Even my folks. So relax, I'm not molesting you while you sleep or anything."

"I-I never thought that!" Akira protested. "If I did, I wouldn't have come here in the first place!"

"That's good," Jackie grinned, sitting next to her. "You need to loosen up, but other than that, you seem to be a cool gal. Promise me you won't forget us when Brainiac sends you back home?"

Akira smiled despite herself. Joker-chan's smile seemed genuine enough. Maybe she was a talkative loon with no sense of personal space, who went Ax Crazy in combat and had a dubious sense of priorities and ethics, but still, she felt that girl was not bad at all where it mattered. "I promise I'll remember you," she declared.

"Thank you," the crazy girl squeezed her hand a bit.

It felt warm, actually.

That night, Akira was starting to think her hostess just had a bad reputation when it came to her molester status. Despite sharing the bed, the clown girl had just fallen soundly asleep right after hitting the pillow, with her back turned on her. Those other girls seemed prone to exaggeration, in any case. Especially Alexandra, who reminded her to some degree of Iincho's dramatic ways. Still, they were all likable enough people, despite being counterparts to a group of murderous maniacs (and a shady businessman and urban legend sinister vigilante. Gah, there was that nagging feeling she was missing something about Batgirl again!).

But Akira still hoped she wouldn't have to stay with them.

She was worried about her own friends. What kind of worlds would they have landed into? Especially Ako, who always was so frail, and the naive Makie. But even Yuuna...

Yuuna...

As Akira fell asleep, her dreams all went to Yuuna for some reason. It was as if she had Yuuna right next to her, hugging her... whispering sweet words to her... and then...

"No, Yuuna, we mustn't..." she muttered, trying to push Jackie off the bed.

The other girl blinked sleepily, regaining enough self-awareness to roll around, looking at Akira's shapely form in the darkness.

"Yuuna..." she was whispering again.

Jacqueline felt an odd slight pang in her heart. "Akira."

She drank in the mesmerizing sight for a moment, fully noticing how beautiful she was. Her heart patted faster. Akira was so close, she could feel her breath tickling her tiny pointy nose.

On an impulse, Jacqueline pouted her lips, craned her neck, and planted a brief, soft kiss on Akira's mouth. "Just between you and me," she whispered. "Okay, better if it's just between me and me. You wouldn't understand."

The taller girl groaned, trying to spit the flavor off her mouth. "Nnnhhh. No, Yuuna. No."

Jackie sighed. "I don't know if to envy or pity this Yuuna..."

Then she rolled back and went back to sleep.

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Act 6:**

Yuuna and Akira lay on the bed together, holding hands, breathing in and out, deeply, their eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"That was... amazing," Yuuna could finally say. "Reading about it is one thing, but... it doesn't convey the real thing's feeling at all."

"I guess not, although I never got to read much on the subject," Akira quietly mused. "Though I get the weird feeling we should have cigarettes…"

"Really? Coulda fooled me..." Yuuna mused back, reaching up to kiss her lips again. "Don't tell me Ako of all people taught you all that..."

"Well, mostly, we learned together," the swimmer admitted reluctantly. "It all was very... trial and error. But I think we got the gist of it by now."

"I'll bet you do," Yuuna hummed happily, arms squeezing around Akira's bare midsection happily. "If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up."

Akira ran a hand through her hair. "It'll be difficult to explain this to everyone, though..."

"After all the weird crap you guys have been through? I doubt it. And as for my other me, if she's so damn close to her father, she can move in with him and let me stay here," she mumbled with sudden bitterness.

"I don't mean that..." Akira sighed, sadly.

"What? You mean your relationship to Ako? You're sharing bed with Madoka and Sakurako already; five girls instead of four won't make much of a difference..."

"Yuuna!" Akira gasped. "Don't say that! This isn't a trashy romance novel or a dirty soap opera..."

"Really? Because from what I've seen of this world, yeah, everything _is_ like a hentai movie," the basketball player snorted.

"I suppose you're right," Akira conceded. "But we weren't always like this..."

Yuuna raised an eyebrow with concern. "Do you think the same things can happen in my world?"

"I have no idea," Akira said. "But at the very least, it won't happen with you, will it?"

"Definitely not," Yuuna shook her head, clutching to her as if hoping to exorcize her own fears. "Akira..."

"Yes?"

"You won't just discard me after this, will you?"

"Yuuna, I... Look, I'm still very confused about a lot of things. I still love Ako, and—"

The basketball player grabbed her by the wrists and shot her a stern glare. "Akira! You can't just toss me out after we've done this! You took my virginity, now you take the responsibility for it!"

Akira paled visibly. "I— I never meant to—!"

"You never meant what?" Yuuna pressed.

Akira looked aside, sweating profusely, the weight of her actions sinking in. "Oh my God, you're right! What have I done? I took advantage of your lost, afraid, confused state! I'm becoming a horrible person! Practically a rapist!"

Yuuna sweatdropped, letting her wrists go. "Now, now, don't be so harsh on yourself, either! I'm sorry, I overreacted. I was the one who started it, anyway..."

"But I should have known better!" the taller girl despaired. "Not only I've betrayed Ako again, but I betrayed your trust, and even Yuna's presence! I'm turning into a sex addict! A sexual predator!" She threw back her head. "I'M IN DESPAIR! MY IMMORAL WAYS HAVE LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

_Somewhere, Itoshiki Nozomu looked up. "And this is going to be my only appearance this chapter…"_

Yuuna blinked. "Wow…I feel so at home all of a sudden…"

The mere sight of Akira-chan ranting about becoming a rapist and deviant was just too bizarre for Yuuna's liking, even if she was another world's Akira. So she moved in tocomfort her, hugging her and leaning to kiss her collarbone. "I'm so sorry. Don't mind me. It's my fault, really. It's just... After all I read through, I guess I don't want to ever get involved in relationships that are one night stands. But I shouldn't pressure you. I only want you to know... What we did was wonderful, and you've shown me a side I knew you could have, Akira-chan. But let's not hurry it up. We'll talk it over with Ako and the other Yuna and see what can we work out, right?"

"Right," Akira sniffled. "But your home... your father..."

"My father..." Yuuna sighed, stopping her kisses. "I know it isn't **his** fault, what his... how do they call it... counterpart here has done, but still..."

"I'm sure he needs you back," Akira said sadly. "And so do your own friends."

"Yeah, I know, but what can I do? Not like anyone's ever going to find the exact point where I vanished, know exactly where I am now, and know how to bring me back to boot. I guess I'm stuck here forever, but as long as I'm with y—"

Then the room's door slammed open, and Chao Lingshen herself took a strong step inside, pointing an accusing finger at Yuuna. "YE WOMAN OF LITTLE FAITH...! COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!"

"KYAAAA!" Yuuna reacted by instinct, covering her nudity with the bed sheets and grabbing the nearest object at hand. A second later, a clock missed Chao's head by inches. "WHAT THE— CHAO?-! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?-!"

"Chao...!" Akira breathed out, shocked. "When-When did you come back?"

"Come back? I've never been here before to begin with-ne!" the Chinese genius waved a finger. "I'm not the Chao Lingshen you knew!"

"But then, that means—!" Yuuna deduced.

"Yep!" Chao made a kittenish smile. "I'm the Chao Lingshen from **your** world! And I've come to take you back home!"

_DUN DUN DUN!_

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Act 7:**

Chao Lingshen sat on the bed's edge, absently flipping through a few of Yuna's magazines for a moment before being sure the girls in the shower were not paying her any attention.

After she had entered with the proper style, and announced her intentions of taking Yuuna back home, the flushed, embarrassed Akashi had asked for some moments to get cleaned and dressed first. Then she had not so discreetly dragged the local Akira in with her, claiming she had a few things to ask her in private, and saying it'd only take a few minutes. Chao, always an easygoing girl, had nodded and only said "Of course."

Chao had very good hearing, honed after years and years of MacGyver-esque training and self-improvement. Even without trying hard, she could overhear the girls' whispers in the shower stall, as Yuuna asked for Akira's advice and Akira tried her best to answer despite her own confusion. Then Yuuna's words had become needy begging, ringing of fear and reluctance to leave. And then the soft, comforting kisses had begun.

Chao had never been one to find too much interest on other's sexual escapades, or even her own. A few times in past loops, she had fooled around with Hakase, but those were the exceptions to the rule (well, except for that timeline where Mahora was one big training camp for the Miroku ninja clan. Man, had THAT been a fun two years…). Okay, so she had entertained fantasies about Negi himself a few times, but who hadn't? And sometimes, rejecting that offer of his at the end of the Festival was so difficult, even knowing it would be impossible, but still, the mission was everything. She didn't have the time or energy to devote to personal romantic interests.

On the other hand, judging from the muffled sounds now coming from the bath, Yuuna did.

Chao looked at the journal the girls had set aside during the past night's lovemaking. Humming to herself, she flipped through it, taking pictures of the most interesting pages, in terms of the temporal divergences, with her miniature camera. Any tiny detail could prove vital later on. Well, maybe not the ones describing a man-wolf's manhood. Yuck. She skipped past those.

She put the book back aside after she disappointingly found no descriptions of Negi's manhood, before Akira and Yuuna exited the shower stall, in their underwear and toweling their hair dry. "Um, hey, Chao," Yuuna said with obvious reluctance. "We've been, um, talking, and while I have many things to ask you about how you found me and why the hell can you travel between worlds anyway, before anything else, we'd like to know if—"

"We can't come back here once we've gone," Chao cut through everything, now with a serious, business-like but still sympathetic tone.

Yuuna gasped. "Wh-What?-! Hey! But how come—! I mean, you obviously can go back and forth at will, so why can't—"

"I can't do it!" she shook a finger. "Yuuna, dimension hopping isn't like taking a plane trip! I could only locate you with the help of... external sources, and taking advantage of extremely temporary dimensional anomalies, not to mention an _extremely_ exotic power source I'm not even sure how I'm using! I'm sorry, but once we're gone, the 'convergence' point I used to make it here will most likely be erased or displaced forever."

"You aren't serious," the basketball player muttered.

"Never been more serious," Chao's tone matched her words.

"Yuuna..." Akira whispered.

"DAMMIT, CHAO!" Akashi growled. "You're a super genius! Find a way! I can't— I can't just leave like this forever, after what I have—we have—"

"But you must," Chao spoke sternly. "You don't belong here, and your presence here, and your absence in our world, might create a dangerous ripple effect on the fabric of reality. Sorry, but the sooner we're away, the better."

"You can't just ask me to leave that way! Listen, I've just learned far too much, and far too quick, and hell, I even lost my virginity, and while I don't regret it, I can't leave on my merry way pretending nothing has happened!"

Chao shrugged. "Never worry. I'll erase your memory after we're back at home. That way, you won't be haunted by the memories you'll leave behind-ne..."

"Don't you dare!" Yuuna spat fire. "Horrible as some of those things I learned may be, I don't want to forget them! If that's really the kind of people my father and mother were, I have the right to know it! And... and most of all, I don't want to forget... this night..." she confessed.

"Yuuna!" Akira breathed.

Chao rolled her eyes. "There's just no pleasing you, is there?" Chao pondered such energetic words for a few moments, grimly silent, before saying, "You know what are my goals now, don't you?"

"Yes," Yuuna said.

"Then you know, if you aren't with me, you're against me," she warned. "I can't let you keep those memories if they hurt my cause in any way."

Yuuna nodded and gasped, tightening her fists. "I'll help you. So I swear."

"Yuuna, no!" Akira said, but Akashi only held up a hand.

"It's my decision, Akira-chan. Please respect it. I don't... I don't want a single child more to be lied to by their parents. To live a lie all through their existence. To be betrayed."

"Yuuna, I'm sure they never—" Akira began before drooping. "I'm sorry. You're right. It's your decision. I can't force you to follow Yuna's way."

"Please understand, Akira-chan..." she begged, holding tears back.

"I do," she placed her hands on her shoulders. "And maybe yours, after all, is the right path. I hope it is, for your sake. Rest assured, no matter what, I will always love you."

"Akira-chan, I—!"

She was silenced by Akira's lips on her own, and staggered back after the kiss was over. Then Akira addressed the inventor with grim determination. "Chao-san?"

"Yep?"

"Please erase **my** memories of this incident."

"AKIRA!" Yuuna exclaimed.

"You must do it, Yuuna," the swimmer explained with stoicism, despite her eyes betraying a world of inner sadness. "If you could stay, or at least visit, it could be different. But your place is there, and mine is here. It was wonderful, but it shouldn't have happened. Please, forgive me. However, it's for the best if we continue as if we never had met."

"I won't," Yuuna said stubbornly, biting her lower lip.

"I agree with her," Chao told her, taking a step towards Akira. "Her life is with the other Yuna. If you truly feel something for her, you'll let her go."

"No, dammit!" Yuuna insisted. "You can't do this to us! There must be a way! I don't want this to become a simple one night stand like... like..."

"Like those things you read about?" Akira asked her.

Yuuna huffed tearfully. "I don't want to be like her. I don't want to be her..."

The tall young woman hugged her, loving and warm. "I care about you, Yuuna. And I care about Yuna, too. Maybe she's not the person you want to become, but she's the person that she is ... and despite everything, I think she's a good person. So I want to wait for her to tell me about what she's doing, rather than finding out like this."

Yuuna sobbed against her.

"If she's going to tell me about it... all of it... then it has to be her choice to do so," Akira continued.

"But... But..." Yuuna's voice trailed. "Okay. But I'll always remember you. No matter what. And let me tell you... I'm sure my first time was much better than _hers_ was."

Akira managed to smile. "Thanks. In any case, you always can try getting closer to the Akira of your world..."

Yuuna shook her head. "No. It wouldn't be the same thing. And besides, she isn't... that kind of person."

"I thought I wasn't either until Ako surprised me. Maybe you'll be her surprise, too."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I'm n—"

"Yuuna," Chao gently pressed, "This won't hold out for much longer. Let me do it already. The more time we take here, the harder it might be to find Makie, Akira and Ako later on."

The daughter of Akashi-sensei sniffed, nodded and kissed Akira again before stepping aside.

"I'm sure you also will have a day, not so far ahead, when a lot of people will depend on your strength and courage, Yuuna. I know you won't let them down," Akira reassured her before facing Chao. "I'm ready."

The Chinese genius nodded. "So I am." And she started the spell, grimacing as the pattern on her skinn began forcing the magic out of her. _"Rast Teil My Magic Scir Magister..."_

Minutes afterwards, Yuuna finished dressing as Chao carefully set Akira against a wall and hid the journal back. "She might remember a few moments, but she'll pass them off as figments of her imagination," Lingshen said. "Probably nothing but a dream. Well, wet dream."

"Good," Yuuna flatly said, sighing softly. "No, not good. I mean, maybe. I have no freaking idea if this makes it all better or worse."

"I've told you. It's for the best. If you want to follow me, you'll have to trust me. Preferably blindly-ne?"

Yuuna rubbed her eyes off. "Yes. But not blindly because of my tears, right? Our path holds no tears."

Chao hummed, thinking for a moment of her own origins, of a thousand witnessed tragedies, a hundred lost chances. She thought of Negi. "No. We can't have tears."

Yuuna hugged her, struggling to keep herself under control. "Then, while I can master them, please hold me. I'm... scared."

Chao remained completely still and mute for a moment, the unexpected contact paralyzing her on the spot. Until she hugged back, pecking Yuuna's forehead lightly. Too often, she forgot she did it all for their sakes. "I'll be with you every step of the road," she promised.

"Thank you," she pulled back and breathed in deeply. "Fine. Feeling better now. As Kirk-taichou said, 'Let's get the hell out of here'."

As Yuuna gave the angelically sleeping Akira one final melancholic glare, Chao nodded and pulled the watch-like machine out.

* * *

 

**Akira, Act 9:**

"Well, I gotta hand it to you, Brainiac," Joker-chan snorted. "You sure got this gizmo working in a record time."

Vril Dox ignored the hated, dismissive nickname as she guided Akira onto the small metallic circle on the workshop's floor, commanding her to stand on top of it. "I was fortunate," the woman droned. "Through Miss Ookuchi's recent exposure to tachyons in the space between dimensions, as well as some unusual residual radiation I have so far been unable to identify or replicate, I was able to track down her origin dimension, and could establish a working portal linking to the exact place she came from. However, since it is based on particles and energies attached to her physiognomy, it will not work on anyone else."

"Bummer," Riddler-chan said from where she stood resting her back on a wall. "I was curious to see what a Japanese school would be like."

"Is it true you guys are raped by tentacle beasts every day?" Joker-chan asked.

"What? NO!" Akira gasped loudly.

"Told ya so," Clayface-chan said in turn.

"Bummer, "Joker-chan shrugged. "Okay. So it's safe to visit when we can. Boring, but safe." She smiled at Akira. "Well, see ya around then, Akira. I'm going to pester Brainy until she builds a gizmo that actually can get us there for a visit!"

"Believe me, Jacqueline Napier, I shall indeed be pursuing... that venue of dimensional exploration," Brainiac dryly promised. "The last few hours of research have yielded highly interesting results. There is **so much** to explore and learn..."

"Okay, now you're going creepy again," Clayface-chan's face soured. Akira had to silently agree. "It's always the same when you find something new that catches your curiosity."

"Hey, nothing bad with wanting to learn more, Little Miss Dumb Actress!" Riddler-chan pointed out.

"I wasn't talking to you, Nygma!"

Alexandra Luthor sighed and handed Akira a basket full of fruits. "Here. As a... show of my good will and gratitude. Never let be said a Luthor doesn't repay a favor properly."

"Oh, I didn't do much..." Akira blushed a bit.

"No, but I'm just that generous and magnanimous," Alexandra conceded. "And humble. "

"Take good care of yourself," Bryce Wayne bowed, like her Japanese martial arts and Eastern etiquette teachers had taught her.

"Thanks. You too, Batgirl-san." Darn it, she _still_ couldn't get that nagging feeling out of her head! Something about Batgirl's name…

"I have something else for you," Vril Dox carefully put a hair pin on the top of Akira's head."Through your exploits, you no doubt will need to talk with human beings from several different countries and cultures. And even beings from other planets, many of them highly different from those of your race. This is a universal translator of my own design. It contains complete language data on more than 52, 000 cultures from across the galaxy. It will automatically translate anything you may hear, and make it fully understandable for you. Consider it a token of my gratitude for your brief services."

"Oh... thank you so very much, Bra— Dox-sama. Goodbye, everyone," she said as the machine activated, and a yellow glow began to envelope her. "It was short, but... fun. I hope we get to meet again."

"Akira," Joker-chan breathed in, and then quickly lunged ahead and claimed her lips in another kiss.

The visitor jerked back in shock. "Jacqueline-san!"

"For good luck!" she snickered, and then a final flash abruptly took Akira away.

Only then did Jackie sigh deep and almost sadly.

She eventually noticed her sort-of-friends staring at her.

"What?"

"Nothing!" Clayface-chan turned around and waved her hands.

"Exactly what did you two do last night?" Riddler-chan questioned.

"Oh, things you could only dream about!" Joker-chan lied quite convincingly.

No one noticed Miss Freeze's jealously tightening fists at her sides.

"As expected from a scoundrel like you," Lex huffed.

"Ngh," Bryce eloquently said before turning around for the door. "Well, I'm going now. I'm just glad this nonsense is over. Don't call me unless you completely need to. I have a new lead on that 'Catgirl' case involving kittens…"

"As if we'd ever call you otherwise!" Joker-chan stuck her tongue out at her back.

Brainiac watched them leave one by one, never saying a word. And only when they all were gone, and her albino monkey perched itself on her right shoulder making small hungry sounds, did her face twist into a wide, malicious smile.

Earthlings. Always fools, no matter where.

* * *

 

**Chao and Yuuna.**

When the flash of rainbow light was gone, Yuuna found herself still with Chao, standing... somewhere outside. It seemed to be the middle of some ruins, and an unbearable stench hung all across the air, making her pinch her nose. "Oh, gross! What the hell is that smell, and where are we?"

Chao took a quizzed look at her Cassiopeia Mark XV. "Hmmmm, strange-ne. It would seem we haven't quite landed in the right universe. It must be another side effect of the dimensional anomaly influx."

Yuuna gasped, looking all around with a ghastly, suddenly pale face. "Chao! This is Mahora! What the (bleep) has happened to Mahora?"

The pavement was cracked and charred, and dry bones lay across the landscape. The buildings were shattered and about to fall, all their windows cracked and their doors either fallen or hanging off their hinges. The trees were snapped in half.

Chao sighed. "Sadly, Mahora ends up in ruins rather often," she said. "See, that's what usually happens when you put that much people with that much power in the same site, and most of them are underaged troublemakers. But relax, we'll be out of here before you know it. Just give me a sec." She sat down on a large boulder and began tinkering with her invention.

Yuuna grumbled, wishing she had stayed enjoying the sweet, sweet, loving company of Alternate Akira-chan. She wondered if her own Akira-chan would be willing to give her a chance. She didn't have anyone like that in her life, after all...

Then she noticed the huge mass lying next to the World Tree, and her breath came out in a strangled gasp.

"C-C-CHAO!" she tugged on a sleeve of the genius.

"Please don-t distract me. This is a delicate operation," Chao said while twisting the thingamabob inside the Cassiopeia's whatzit.

Yuuna grabbed her head between both hands and forced her to look in the Tree's direction. "DOESN'T THAT LOOK URGENT ENOUGH FOR YOU ?-!-?-!"

Now Chao could see a zombified, slowly rotting, flies-covered Negi, Asuna, Setsuna, Kaede, Ku Fei, Mana, Kotaro, Takahata and Evangeline feasting on the lifeless body of a gigantic human-like being clad in cracked purple and blue armor, chomping on its entrails.

"... Oh. That," Chao said. "It would seem we have been transported to a world ravaged by some sort of highly infectious zombie plague, and our most powerful classmates are feeding on the defeated carcass of Galactus, the Devourer of Worlds. But it must be a rather weak version of Galactus if they could-"

At that point, Zombie Negi seemed to hear the noises, lifting his head up to look at them with lifeless bloodshot eyes. "Get them!" the leader of Zombie Ala Alba commanded.

"Chao!" Yuuna cowered behind her classmate as the undead fiends began a mad dash for them. "GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NOW! "

"Calm down, calm down," the Chinese girl asked, frowning while continuing fixing the watch's coordinates, never losing her composed attitude. "I'm almost there-ne..."

"RIGHT NOW!-!-!-!-!" Yuuna panicked, just as Setsuna deployed huge feathered wings from her back and lunged at them...

But by the time, mere split seconds later, she had reached the point where they stood, they already had disappeared in another flash of rainbow light.

Zombie Ala Alba looked in all directions, their stomachs rumbling ravenously, a fact made all the more painful by their utter failure to find their next meal anywhere.

Finally, Asuna scratched her dangling chin. "You know, I could have sworn we had already eaten Yuna."

Her chin then fell off into the mud. Negi picked it up, cleaned it as best as he could, and handed it back to Asuna, who fixed it back into place.

"Thank you, Negi," she said as warmly as a flesh devouring abomination could.

* * *

 

**Ako, Act 4:**

Chibi-Ako looked up at her older counterpart. "I don't know you. Who are you?" she seemed distrustful.

"Ah?" Ako blinked, honestly appalled at facing a miniature younger version of herself. Even after talking to all those other children, this came off as particularly striking. "W-Well, I'm... ah... a distant cousin of yours!" she lied.

"Mom and Dad never told me about you," Chibi-Ako shifted uneasily behind Chibi-Yuuna.

Ako gasped at the mention of her parents. "Do you... live with your Mom and Dad?"

Chibi-Ako nodded reluctantly. "Don't you?"

"No..." her voice trailed off. "Not... anymore."

Negi-sensei seemed to understand, moving closer to her just in case she needed it. But Ako only smiled down at the tiny blue haired girl. "Well then, be a very good child for your Mommy and Daddy, will you, Ako-chan? I know they love you a lot, and they only want the best for you."

Chibi-Ako nodded wordlessly, and Ako turned around, beginning to walk away slowly.

"Mako-san, I—" Negi began.

"I'm sorry, Negi-sensei. I think I have to go now," she said, trying not to look back. "You're right, I should be getting back home... somehow... right now. Sorry for distracting you from your duties, and best of luck."

"Are you sure you don't want to wait for your Uncle and Aunt? They should be here to pick Ako-chan up in two—"

"NO!" she almost cried. "I-I mean... no, sorry. I'd love to. But I just can't. But please give them my regards. Tell them... I love them."

She quickened her pace, trying her best not to cry. She could hear the other children calling for her, even Asuna. But she wouldn't walk back. It was so horribly tempting, and every fiber of her being ached and burned, begging for that reunion. But she knew it'd only hurt her more.

Ako walked out into the street, leaving the kindergarten behind. Only then she started to sob. Two blocks away, she was crying in full force, not caring about the curious passersby.

Mother...

Father...

Uncle Soujirou and Cousin Kona-chan had always been nice to her since that day, but even so...

It was as if the scar in her back hurt her, ripping her apart, as she sat on a bench at the train station, her head hanging down. Ako rubbed her reddened eyes. She didn't know where to go, or how. She didn't particularly care for now, either.

The only place she really would have wanted to go then either didn't exist anymore, or was not hers anymore.

And she was alone. So completely alone.

"Ako-chan!" the voice called from the station's other end.

She lifted her head, barely being able to see Yuuna... fourteen years old, budding breasts, still wet hair Yuuna... running towards her between her tears. "Yuuna-chan...?" she babbled, idly registering Chao was there as well, following the basketball ace at a sedate pace. And then Yuuna was hugging her strongly, rocking her back and forth in her embrace.

"Thank God you're okay...!"

"Yuuna-chan, I—! I—!" Ako finally hugged back, resting her chin on the taller girl's shoulder. "I'm so glad to see you, too..."

Chao hung back, watching over their reunion with an impossible to read face.

"I was so confused..." Ako said, pulling back and fretting. "It's the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. You'll think I'm crazy..."

"Try me," Yuuna tried to smile. "I'll bet it wasn't half as wild as everything I've just seen and done."

"I doubt it," Ako looked down. "Call me insane, but I swear I've just ran into a kindergarten class where everyone was us, but... children. Except Negi-sensei, who was an adult. I think I must have hallucinated it, but—"

"That is all?" Yuuna actually seemed relieved. "Thank Heaven you didn't get to see the things I found on my side, Ako-chan. Your head would have exploded." She helped her back to her feet. "Feeling better now? We're getting back home, but we gotta find Makie and Akira-chan first. Yo, Chao, you found them by now?"

Chao hummed, taking a good long look at her strange watch. "Hrrrrm! Yep! I think I just did! Makie, at least. Follow me. We gotta do this away from curious eyes..."

"Good. Come with us, Ako-chan. We'll explain it later," Akashi said, grabbing her by a hand and dragging her along with them.

Ako didn't pose any resistance, of course. She simply was happy something was finally making some vague sense again.

Or a reasonable facsimile, at least.

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Chao and Ako.**

"So, are we at the right Mahora now?" Yuuna asked curtly, looking at Chao in quite an exasperated way.

"The right Mahora?" Ako repeated.

"Yeah, before finding you, we were skipping around alternate Mahoras for a while. Hentai Mahora, Pirate Mahora, Zombie Mahora, Prehistoric Mahora, Soviet Russia Mahora, Bowling Ball Mahora..." the basketball player informed sourly.

"You're kidding!" Ako gasped.."

"I wish," Yuuna muttered.

Akopaused. "Bowling Ball Mahora?"

"Everyone was a sentient, animate bowling ball," Chao explained.

Ako blinked. "I have no idea how that could possibly work

"Chao? We're at home, or wherever Makie is, yes or no?" Yuuna demanded.

The genius rubbed her chin. "My highly keen senses and perception, coupled with my highly accurate readings of the surroundings, make me 99, 99963% sure we aren't at the Mahora Academy you two hail from. Also, that," she pointed at the nearby suspension bridge under the starry nocturnal sky.

Negi-sensei stood there, magic wand in hand, throwing several spells up to a laughing, floating Natsumi who was wearing a tight black thong and skimpy black semi-transparent negligee.

Ako's eyes went black. "... Natsumi-chan?"

"Ah, ha ha ha!" Natsumi laughed, gathering icy magic in her outstretched hands, bombarding Negi from above with freezing spells. "What's the problem, _Darling_? Hah! You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with your tiny toy wand! I wonder if your other toy wand is just as useless!"

Ako gawked while watching from afar. "That can't be Natsumi-chan."

Chao hummed. A lot. "Well, no matter the universe, she's a good actress. I wouldn't put past this world's version to hide behind a meek frail facade..."

Yuuna only stared on. "I didn't know Natsumi-chan could ever look so... sexy..."

Ako gave her a worried look. Chao patted the assistant nurse's shoulder sympathetically. "Be easy on her. Spending time in a H-category universe like she just did tends to do that to people."

"Okay..." Ako doubted.

"I'm not a pervert, dammit!" Yuuna told them. Fortunately, the sounds of the battle were loud enough to prevent her from being heard by both fighters. "I've just had a few eye-opening revelations!"

"Her eyes weren't the only parts of her opened tonight," Chao whispered deviously on Ako's ear.

"I heard that!" Yuuna shouted.

"To me, my Ministra Magi!" Negi was yelling. "Narutaki Fuuka, Narutaki Fumika!"

"Yes, Negi-kun...!" both tiny pink haired ninjas appeared at his side, ready to do battle.

"Chizuru!" Natsumi called out.

"Yes, Master!" the busty girl in the maid outfit ran ahead to engage the twins in fierce combat.

"No, definitely it isn't our Mahora," Chao mused, turning the Cassiopeia XV on again.

"Tell me about it," Ako blandly said. "There's no way our Negi-sensei can be some kind of wizard..."

She looked at the other two's uneasy faces as they vanished from sight again. "I mean, he can't be... Right...?"

The three of them blinked out, but the faint question still lingered in the cold night air.

"... Right?"

* * *

 

**Makie, Act 4:**

"Ah! Eating with good friends is always the best!" Makie proclaimed cheerful as she dug with her spoon into her meal, then swallowing a huge mouthful down. Sitting around her, Ayaka and Natsumi watched her with slightly puzzled expressions, while Chizuru just smiled and poured her a large glass of juice.

"Good to see you so energetic today, Makie-chan!" the busty girl commented.

"Yeah!" Makie said after a particularly long munching. "This class trip's got me all pumped up! I can't wait, I can't wait...!"

"That's good to hear," Chizuru sat down as well. "You certainly have shown more interest in activities beyond gymnastics ever since that trip with Sensei to Library Island."

"I guess so!" Makie chirped. "Sensei's such a cutie, it's hard not to feel moved to act for him!"

"Him?" Natsumi asked.

Ayaka rasped. "Surely just a slip of the tongue, Natsumi-san. It happens to everyone."

"Huh?" Makie looked at her with wide innocent eyes.

"In any case, Makie-san, don't you think Ako-san must be concerned about you by now?" the Class Rep asked her.

"Eeeh? Why would she? I talked with her minutes ago, told her goodbye, and then came here."

"Yes, but it **is** getting late," Ayaka tried not to sound too pressuring. "Remember, that supposed nocturnal attacker hasn't acted in weeks, but he was never officially caught..."

"That isn't a problem, since I won't be going out tonight," Makie shrugged.

"Oh? You will be staying over for the night?" Natsumi said.

"Yeah. Why shouldn't I? You too?"

"Um, well, yes. We live here, after all..." the actress pointed out.

Makie stared at her with tiny black eyes, then opened her mouth and began, "You do—?"

But then the front door slammed open, and in walked Chao, Yuuna and Ako.

"Chao-san! And you two, as well!" Ayaka exclaimed. "What are you doing here so—"

"Good evening, Iincho, sorry, Iincho, Makie's a bit disoriented today, Iincho!" Chao quickly spat the words out, grabbing Sakaki and all but pushing her to the door ahead of them before she could say something that would kick-start a chain of undesired revelations. "Please forgive anything strange she may have said or done-ne? Thanks for everything, we'll take good care of her, I promise she'll be the same Makie you know and love next time you see her-yo! Good night, everyone!"

Yuuna only groaned.

"G-Good night!" Ako waved weakly with an embarrassed blush, before the door was closed again.

"..." Ayaka said.

"..." Natsumi said.

"..." Chizuru echoed, before smiling and pulling a long thick spring onion leek out of nowhere. "I see! So that's why Makie-chan was acting so funny! I'm sure she'll be okay now, though. But I tell you, Chao's Chinese medicine still can't compare to a good old home remedy..."

Ayaka and Natsumi's faces paled somewhat at the unwanted sight.

Then Chizuru smiled even more. "Maybe we should give ourselves prevention applications? Makie-chan's case might be contagious."

Ayaka and Natsumi scrambled for the door.

* * *

 

**Yuuna, Chao, Ako and Makie.**

"Another detour, Chao?" Yuuna sighed wearily, wondering when they would find Akira for good.

"Afraid so," the genius muttered, shaking her Cassiopeia around only a bit. "The inter-dimensional blips are getting harder to intercept. I think the contact points between realities are closing themselves as the Multiverse heals from the bleeding effect. If we don't find Akira quickly, she might remain out of reach in a sealed universe, neh?"

Makie blinked. "Is that a bad thing? I didn't understand it..."

"A bad thing? It's awful!" Yuuna yelled. "It means Akira might get lost forever, trapped worlds away from us!" She looked at Chao. "Um, that **is** what you meant, right? I went with a wild guess, since you just sounded like a corny Sci Fi movie..."

Chao only nodded, her eyes closed.

"That's horrible!" Ako gasped, paling. "What if she is in a Magical World where they have taken her as a slave? Or a world ruled by apes? Or sexless pirates? Or a world where Evangeline is a blood thirsty vampire, Negi-sensei is a dark wizard, Itoshiki-sensei is an even darker wizard, Chachamaru is a soulless machine..."

Chao and Yuuna stared at her.

"... What?" Ako squeaked about.

"Chachamaru is **NOT** soulless," Chao snarled scarily for a moment before going back to tinkering with the machine, beginning to walk through the campus towards the labs. "Just give me a few minutes-ne? I think I can solve this myself, but if not, I have some instruments and helping hands at the laboratory that should suffice."

"Or you could just ask for the local Chao's help," Yuuna snorted cynically.

Chao shrugged. "Two geniuses are always better than one..."

It was then when they noticed Ayaka, Chizuru and Natsumi walking by past them. Which wouldn't have been strange at all if all of them had been wearing not even a single stitch of clothing.

"Iincho?-!"Makie stopped immediately. "Wh-Why are you all—?-!"

Ako stopped as well, and her eyes became blank circles. "What in the world?-!"

Yuuna groaned, covering her own eyes with her hands. "Not another hentai world, please, not another hentai world..." _I am not turned on by naked Iincho, Chizuru and Natsumi, I am not turned on by naked Iincho, Chizuru and Natsumi, I am not turned on by naked Iincho, Chizuru and Natsumi…!_

Ayaka regarded them with a raised eyebrow. "What are you four doing with those strange things on you? Honestly, Chao-san, you make the weirdest inventions. Would you please take all that off? People will think you're insane."

"Ah, sorry, Iincho," Chao's eyes shifted uneasily, falling back on Cassiopeia XV. "We have to keep them on for now... Top secret project, so top secret we'll never admit knowing anything about it or even remembering this next time we meet..."

"Ara ara!" Chizuru said, putting a hand on her right cheek. The movement made a few other parts of her buxom body to move as well. _Boing, boing!_ "You're always trying such new and bizarre things, Chao-san. By the way, is my special ***** **** for ***** with Natsumi-chan and ****** with Ayaka ready yet?"

All color left the faces of Makie, Ako and Yuuna.

"I'll have it ready this Friday," Chao promised blandly.

"Oh, that's great to hear!" Naba put her hands together with a very wide and pleasant smile. Behind her, Natsumi blushed cutely.

"I'm sure it is," Chao quickened the pace as Ayaka looked at her disapprovingly, and the sport girls rushed after her, their minds shattered by now.

"They **don't** do that kind of things in our world, do they?-!" Yuuna posed the strangled sounding question as soon as she thought they were out of the trio's hearing range.

"Not yet," Chao kept her own blood cold. "But my calculations say we are at this universe's temporal frame mirroring our own universe five months into the future, so who knows about later..."

Yuuna stopped and began banging her head against a nearby tree.

Makie, meanwhile, looked into another direction and shrieked. "GAH! OVER THERE! IT'S KONOEMON-SENSEI! I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND!"

Chao looked in that thankfully distant direction as well. Ako was averting her gaze hard as she tried to comfort a frantic, sobbing Makie. "Hmmmm," the Chinese genius said. "It **is** bigger than I would have imagined..."

"CHAO!" the other girls yelled at once.

"Never mind. I just got a special message from my... recent benefactor and guide," she said, looking at a mini-screen built into the artifact. "She says she has just managed to gather some likely data on this universe. Apparently, in this world, due to a wish to the goddess Urd, mankind never discovered or developed the concept itself of clothing, and instead, the human race evolved stronger against the elements... including gravity, seemingly... well, that would explain why Naba-san's mammaries weren't touching her knees... and developed an otherwise perfectly identical society to our own. Only naked."

"That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Ako learned she could deadpan.

"Brave Nude World," Yuuna scoffed.

Chao smiled. "It says she has found Akira, too."

The Sport Girls gasped hard. "What? Where?-!" they chorused.

Chao looked back at them. "She has just returned to our home dimension."

* * *

 

**Interlude: The (real) Joker.**

**A Certain Unequally Rational and Emotional World**

At the midpoint between Tokyo and Kyoto.

The night was chillingly cold, and the breeze could have made a dead man shudder. Quartum didn't really like it either, since he had always been fond of high temperatures, but his body was hardened far above human endurance levels, so he stood there comfortably, even as the Joker tightened a colorful scarf around his own neck, his breath puffing small clouds in the air.

They stood with Joker's Three Stooges and a group of Yakuza lent by the Washimine clan at the end of a bridge. Before them, there was a large truck, and a tall man with unkempt black hair was coming out of it, smoking a cigarette. His features were mostly Eastern, although he was tall enough to pass for a European or American easily. He had a badly maintained stubble, and a lazy, reptilian smirk on his thick lips. He wore black, and his voice was thick and deep as he raised a hand in a seemingly cheerful greeting. "Good evening!"

The Clown Prince saluted. "All hail Sauron, Dark Lord of Middle Earth!"

"Wrong name," the man chuckled, grisly amused.

"Oh, so sorry," Joker apologized and repeated the salutation. "All hail Sauron, Dark Lord of the Savage Land!"

Now the man scowled only a bit. "The name's Gauron."

"Oh. I thought you didn't look like a giant flaming eye or a pterodactyl," Joker put a hand on his chin. "I'm the Joker, Ace of Knaves, Sultan of Psychosis, America's Most Wanted, the Man who puts the Laughter in Slaughter, the best thing to happen to Mark Hamill since Luke Skywalker! I'm single, too, but looking!"

"Keep on looking," Gauron shook his head once.

"Believe me, I will. A cold night, huh?" Joker rubbed his arms with a cooing chuckle. "Then, what do you have for me, China Man? An Arabian birdy told me you had someth... someone I needed. Mind, I'm good with a computer, but I really need more 'oomph' for what I have planned."

"You're in luck, then. We just got the best this world can offer in that field. We had to kill our way in and out of Mithril for her."

"Mithril?" Joker smiled.

"A world-wide ranging counter-terrorist organization with no particular ties to any single government," Gauron expositione-dumped with smug superiority. "Not as big as SHIELD, but more efficient because their hands aren't tied by so much damn bureaucracy. They've grown a lot the last two decades. The bastards have hands in everything, and have recruited a lot of the best specialists in every area you can imagine. Tootie there in the truck is a result of all that brainstorming. If you ask me, they have too much of a White Knight complex, but—"

"Ah, yes," Joker mused aloud. "They were the ones who **really** overthrew Qurac's government last year, weren't they? Popular revolution, my cute white butt. That was some precision work. Not the result of hungry yapping dogs running through the streets to be gunned down by the military."

"You seem well informed, after all," Gauron commented.

Joker shrugged. "Well, it comes with being a criminal genius. Uncle Sam was itching to take Qurac down ever since they were sold that stolen nuke two years ago," and his grin grew even bigger. "And who do you think stole that nuke in the first place?"

"You? Tch. Bravo. Wouldn't have suspected it. I understood you tended to leave your signature on everything," the other man whistled.

"Oh, I did. But the Big Brother erased it all before the media could see it. Imagine their embarrassment if everyone knew a hometown madman made fools out of them. Better to blame the Big Bad Eastern Terror, right? Sometimes my own country pisses me off so much! Denying their locals' hard work to pin the credit on dirty foreigners! No offense intended, Gaury."

Gauron lit another cigarette. "I don't think I like you after all," he commented calmly.

"I'm glad to say the feeling is mutual," Joker smiled goofily.

"Well, let's just talk about business again, then. I have your world's Best Hacker right here. A highly advanced computer terminal implanted into each fingertip. A brain programmed since birth to be the best at her field. A genius no matter how you look at her, even if not exactly the best conversationalist ever. Hey, Girl. Come down here."

There were a few sounds of shackles being removed, and men whispering orders inside the truck. And then she came out. Petite and slim, around eleven years old, with pale hair and huge, sad golden eyes. Albino, her hands cuffed to each other. No expression on her flawless face.

She bowed for the Joker. "Pleased to meet you. Hoshino Ruri, at your service."

The Clown Prince sniffed theatrically. "She is... perfect!"

Grabbing the young girl by the shoulders, he pulled her around in Quartum's direction, making them to face each other. "Quarty! I want you to meet... your new little sister!"

They looked at each other. Quartum looked at Joker. "Is this what you call Toy Ship Tease?"

* * *

 

**The Sport Girls.**

Akira lost her eyesight for a few agonizing moments, as everything seemed to burn red hot around her, disorienting her and almost making her stumble and drop the basket. It felt much worse than the feeling she had when she jumped into that other world.

And yet, when she found herself standing at the middle of her bedroom again, everything was worth it. She felt at home. Instinctively, she knew she was in the right place. She felt like crying with happiness...

Then she remembered her friends, and fear sank back into her.

Brainiac-sama had mentioned being unable to look for them, and if she couldn't, then who could? She only hoped they hadn't been transported away with her. Come to think about it, what were the odds of it happening to everyone at the same time? Yes, they probably only had noticed her sudden disappearance, then gone to report it to the authorities. Yes, that had to be it. It had to.

Akira munched frantically on her lower lip as her fingers fumbled on her Senshi wristwatch, trying to remember how to make it to contact Minako. Just when she was about to get it right, however, the room's door flung itself open, and in tumbled down Yuuna, Ako, Makie and...

"... Chao?" the quiet swimmer asked, blinking as the Chinese prodigy stood up, dusting herself off. "What... what are you doing here?"

"AKIRA!" Yuuna rushed ahead to hug her, sighing with infinite loud relief. "Oh dear God, you're OKAY!"

"Um, oh, oh, yes," Akira struggled to sound normal and inconspicuous. "Wh-Why shouldn't I?"

Makie stared at her. "You mean you haven't—"

Chao laughed stiffly, forcing an arm around Makie's neck and pulling her back before she could speak. "Ah, ha ha ha! Of course she hasn't, Makie-chan! I mean, she hasn't lost awareness for more than a few moments, and hasn't received any lasting damage from her fainting spell!"

"My fainting spell?" Akira said.

"Yeah, you fainted with that last lightning bolt, and the girls were worried, and since I'm aspecialist in Chinese medicine, they called me over. It's okay, you only had a brief moment of weakness. You've pushed yourself too far lately. Nice hair pin, by the way!"

"Oh! Oh, thanks," Akira nodded uncomfortably. "Thanks for your, um, medical help, too."

All parties involved made a very long, tortured, forced silence, although in Makie's case, it was only because Chao was discreetly crushing her larynx with her forearm. Never stopping smiling.

"Well, um, since the storm's kinda over, we'd better get back home..." Yuuna scratched the back of her neck.

"Y-Yeah, that sounds... okay..." Ako shuddered under Chao's affable yet unmistakable _Not a single word!_ stare. "I'll walk you there..?"

"Don't bother, we can find our way there! We've taken harder paths, haven't we?" Chao snickered. "Come on, come on Makie-chan, Yuuna-chan! I'll treat you to a few meat buns along the way!" she laughed, making her way to the living room.

"Can't... breathe..." Makie gasped for air even as her right hand waved goodbye to Akira. "Seeing… woman with top hat…"

"S-See you tomorrow, girls..." Yuuna tried to sound the same as ever before closing the door after themselves. "Feel much better, will you, Akira-chan?"

"I'll do, Yuuna. Good night," Akira waved back, unsure of why she felt like Yuuna was much more uneasy around her now.

Once they were alone, Ako shuffled around rigidly, looking back at her bunk. "Ummm... well, Akira-chan, I feel... kind of sleepy and tired right now. Do you mind if I go bed early?"

"No, not at all. To be honest, I want to hit the sack myself. I am... exhausted, for... some reason."

"Hm," Ako lowered her head as she began to put on her pajamas. "Akira..."

"Yes?"

"Are you sure you didn't see anything... weird today?"

A very, very, very long pause ensued. "No, I didn't. You?"

Ako sighed. "No. Nothing on my side, either."

"Oh. Good."

"Yes, very good."

Ako tried to giggle as she slid into the lower bunk. "Well, have a good night then... and tell me if you feel, ah, weak again..."

"Yes..." Akira nodded while climbing up into the upper bunk. She pulled the blankets up her chest. "Sweet dreams, Ako. Sleep like a baby..."

"Please, don't say 'baby'."

Outside, Yuuna trudged unhappily behind Chao and Makie, who was rubbing her throat and wondering if she'd been hallucinating the beautiful woman in the top hat. "Oh, come on! It's obvious she's hiding something big!"

"And so are we," Chao said evenly.

"And aren't we even going to ask her?" Yuuna demanded.

"No, because then we'd have to give explanations as well," Chao replied.

"May **I** get some explanations?" Makie asked. "I'm still lost..."

Ignoring her, Yuuna yelled, "It's not like her, to hide things from us!"

"Everyone has things they would go to any lengths to hide. Everyone," Chao mused darkly.

"Not me!" Makie whined.

"Sorry. Everyone but Makie," Chao conceded.

"Even my parents. Right?" Yuuna asked, her voice becoming chilling.

"Your father, at least, yes. I honestly have no idea if your mother... did the things that got you so worried," her rescuer offered.

Yuuna's eyes went wide. "You read the diary!"

"Of course I did. Any edge I can get must be taken. If you're going to join me, you must accept that."

"Joining you? At what? At what?" Makie prodded. "Is it something fun?"

Yuuna and Chao shared a long suffering glare.

"You sure we shouldn't just wipe her memory?" Chao asked.

"Let's try to explain her," Yuuna put her hands together. "How hard can it be?"

They had to stay up until dawn.

* * *

 

**Madoka, Conclusion.**

"Eh?" Madoka woke up with a start, bolting up and staring in all directions.

"Oh. You're up already," Nagato Yuki-sempai said, walking into the room as if on cue, bringing a small tray with breakfast. "Just as calculated."

"We're back at home?" Madoka asked, noticing her clothes, which she had been wearing for hours now, were a bit smelly. "H-How long have I been...?"

"IT'S 9:14 A.M. BY NOW...!" A tiny thing with long metallic blue hair jumped on Madoka, tackling her down with impressive strength for something so small. "Nagato-san, I told you to wake her up earlier!" it spoke in an extremely high pitched and cutesy voice that seemed to be on helium. "You never listen to me! Of course, then again, **you** were lazing around until I kicked you out of the futon, as well!"

Now Madoka could see it was a diminutive girl with a large round head and huge blue eyes. She was wearing a pink shirt and blue skirt that had obviously belonged to a doll before. They even had the brand name on them.

"... Nagato-sempai? Why do you have a fairy as a pet?"

"A fairy? Me? How rude!" the Smurf-sized girl shrilled. "I'm Asakura Ryoko, former Class Representative of High School class 1-E! Elite Data Entity Agent! Honorary Ala Rubra member! Spokeswoman for Daidouji Brand Knives after Kotonoha-san's breakdown! Winner of the Rozen Maiden War!"

"Ah yes, I remember those commercials now..." Madoka said, then blinked several times. "Wait, yes, you were one of the most popular girls in school! Until you just disappeared shortly before the end of the term! Wh-What happened to you?-!"

"She attempted to murder Kyon-san," Nagato flatly put the tray down next to Madoka. "I destroyed her physical form before she could carry her plans out, but she happened to have a backup body available," she explained, just like you would explain a bump on your head. "Unfortunately, it is equipped with high-level moe anti-destruction countermeasures that I have been unable to overcome, so I have not been able to fully delete her yet."

Asakura sobbed, tightening a miniature fist. "Sooner or later, I will regain my full powers... sooner or later... Then I won't have to sit on a baby chair, or need help with the potty, or fear cats anymore... And then I will... I will kill Kyon-san... for everyone's best... and then I'll be able to be with Nozomu-sama… ahh, Nozomu-sama…sexy, sexy Nozomu-sama…"

Nagato just pushed a spoon with baby formula into her mouth. "You need to have breakfast, too."

"Oooh! Apple flavored!"

Madoka, too aghast to even bother to ask anymore, just started eating as well.

A quick shower and change of borrowed clothes later (Nagato-sempai's clothes were a bit too small on her, but they still fit. Probably showed more belly button than she'd have liked, but that was the least of her concerns now), Madoka was ready to leave.

"You know I'll need a full explanation later," she told Nagato.

The older girl nodded. "You will have it. Wouldn't you like it immediately?"

"No! No, it's been too much for now," Madoka waved a hand. "I... I just wanna get back home and sort what I've heard so far out. I'll call you when I'm ready for the rest."

"I understand."

And so Madoka hurried back home. Seeing Misa and Sakurako there instead of three boys actually filled her with relief. She'd never thought she could be so happy to see the two airheads. Even so, she still was too tired to celebrate.

"Whoa there, Madoka!" Misa told her. "We were sick worried about you! You weren't answering our calls, and no one knew where you were! We even alerted the authorities!"

"You did? Oh. Thanks," Madoka blushed, ashamed. "Sorry about all that. The curfew caught me too far from here, so I had to spend the whole night over at Nagato-sempai's, and my cellphone died on me," she lied. "Sorry again. To compensate, I'll be making dinner for you tonight." Then she noticed both of them were getting dressed for a day out. "And where are you going, anyway?"

"Oh, we're going to buy clothes with Negi-kun and Satomi-chan!" Sakurako giggled. "Now we know you're okay, we can leave without worrying. Wanna come with us, Madoka-chan?"

She dropped down on the couch. "Maybe next time. I'm dead tired right now."

Misa smiled maliciously.

"No, I wasn't doing anyting like **that** with Nagato-sempai!" Madoka tossed a cushion into Misa's face.

"... I didn't say anything!" Misa feigned innocence.

* * *

 

**Epilogue 1: Chrono and Lindy.**

Lindy Harlaown just sat there, silently watching the end of the visual report and scanning of the newly discovered world that Akashi Yuuna had stumbled into. Even Amy had gone to rest after the long day's puzzling events, now that everything seemed to have regained some semblance of normalcy. Only a few low level bridge bunnies remained there, mostly monitoring the situation in their own universe, making sure all the dimensional anomalies had closed.

Captain Lindy, however, only kept on silently absorbing all the striking, shocking information in that strange parallel world. She remained wordless for a long, long while, submerged in deep, no doubt vital thoughts, before simply standing up, congratulating everyone on a well done job, and leaving.

"But we didn't even do anything," Bridge Bunny Hyuga Makoto whispered.

Bridge Bunny Aoba Shigeru shrugged. "You know how she is..."

Chrono Harlaown was sitting on the edge of his bed, in his sparsely decorated room, comparing all the images he had gotten about that strangely intriguing Takamachi girl. It seemed she was rather important at every universe where she existed. That... merited some investigation. Yes, it did. Some DEEP investigation, just in case. Nothing personal, he only would be doing his duty. That wonderfully charming smile had nothing to do with it. Nope, nothing at all.

His door opened, and his commanding officer stood at the doorstep.

"C-Captain!" he quickly stashed the pictures away, springing back to his feet. "Is-Is there something else I can help you with?"

The woman smiled very sweetly, closing the door behind her. "To be honest, Chrono-kun... It's more like I want to help **you**. You... are starting to notice girls, aren't you?"

He blushed. "C-Captain!"

"Don't call me that after hours..." she said, taking a step towards him. "And don't be that formal with me when we're alone. After all, we share a much deeper bond..."

His eyebrows quaked. "Ma-Ma'am?"

She placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him down onto the bed. "I have just learned a few things from a great woman of the Martian world. Relax, Chrono-kun. I've been a bad Mommy, never teaching you about the truly important matters of life, but... that's going to change..." she promised.

Bridge Bunny Hyuga perked up. "Didn't you just hear something like a Big No?"

"In Vice-Captain Harlaown's voice?" Bridge Bunny Aoba asked back. "You know he loves to overreact."

"I guess you're right," Hyuga said. "Hey, is that a world where everyone's naked?"

"Turn the recorder on!" Aoba urged. "Learning about it can, um, be important for the multiverse's survival some day!"

* * *

 

**Epilogue 2: Learning how to Cope, with a Smile.**

Another world, another Academy.

Gotham City's Arkham Academy for the Intellectually Gifted.

Jacqueline sighed, resting her chin on her hands.

"You miss her already, don't you?" Evelyn Nygma whispered from the seat next to hers, with a smug smile.

"Of course I don't. Why should I? I only knew her for a day."

"But you fall in love very quickly," Evelyn whispered insistently.

"Don't be so stupid. I only have eyes for Harvey."

"Really? And all that underlying sexual tension with Bryce?"

"Bryce's a different case. Everyone's les for her. But I don't think I'll ever meet anyone else with that kind of sex appeal."

From the front of the classroom, Principal Cobblepot interrupted his speech and rasped rather loudly. "A-HEMMM!"

"Sorry, Mr. Cobblepot!" Jackie apologized right before muttering under her breath, "Dumb fat Penguin."

"—so, since Professor Crane will be moving to teach at the high school levels, you'll be having a new homeroom teacher starting this term," the Principal continued. "Ladies, I want you to meet Negi Springfield, from Wales' Merdiana Academy."

As he walked in, everyone, from Class Rep Darcey Dent to Evelyn herself, fell into a stunned silence. Peyton Wesker stopped her incessant toying with her Scarface doll for once. Even Victorique Zsasz stopped cutting herself.

"Hello," the young, adorable boy said, with a confident smile. "I'm Negi Springfield, and I'll be your Literature and Homeroom Teacher."

And Jackie's heart soared again. Like a good joke, a good romantic start always depended on timing, after all.

* * *

 

**Omake: Sailor V Says.**

"Hello! I'm Sailor Venus, beautiful sailor suited defender of the weak!"

"And I'm, um, Sailor Mercury, actually named Ookuchi Ak—"

"Akira–I mean, Mercury-chan, no! Remember Rule 1 of Magical Girl Club!"

"... You don't talk about Magical Girl Club?"

"Okay, sheesh! The second one! The secret identity is a secret! You can't even tell your mother, and certainly not a full audience, either!"

"But they already know, don't they? They've just read through the whole chapter. They have... They have..."

"What's wrong?"

"They... have... seen me... naked!"

"I thought a Negima character would be used to that?"

"And they saw me kissing with a female version of the Joker!"

"Just be thankful they censored your sex scene with Yuuna."

"Th-That wasn't me! It was my Decadent Alternate Universe counterpart!"

"Really?"

"I swear it."

"Won't it get us in problems with the Syndicate?"

"We received full authorization from Darkenning-sama."

"Right. Well, dear readers, the moral of this story is, all those Decadent incest jokes seen in this fanfic are okay to toy around with in fiction (as long as you're old enough), but if you really try something like that in real life, you're a sick fuck and I'll punish you in the name of Venus!"

"C-Can you use that kind of language here?"

"Sure we can. It's a M-rated fic for a reason!"

"But—"

"Mercury-chan, we've just had a nude scene of yours, a 12 year old blowing a moth-man into a shower of gore, and Chrono-kun implied to be comically molested by his mom. I think a 'fuck' is the least of our fucking moral concerns at this point."

"Point taken. So, when do we go to punish alternate Konoka-san's father?"

"Sorry, but there are no Sailor Senshi in the Decadent universe. That's out of our jurisdiction. Thank Kami-sama, too, because I'd end up sexing up my off screen parents if I ever set foot there..."

"Maybe we need to set a local delegation."

"That's not to be discussed either here or now. Time's up. But now, friends, you know! And Knowing Is Half the Battle! 'till next time, bye bye!"

"Bye..."

"You really need to muster more enthusiasm, Mercury-chan."

"What I need is an aspirin and a bed. Preferably one with no Jokers or Yuunas."

**Extra Omake: The (real) Joker again.**

The Joker looked up. "Oh _**no**_..." he growled. "OverMaster, you did NOT just set a me up with the kid! WE HAD AN AGREEMENT, YOU BASTARD!"

Quartum looked at him. "Who are you talking to?"

Joker patted him on the head. "Breaking the fourth wall, Sonny Jim. I'll teach you how to do it later..."

"Idiots," Ruri whispered.

"I'm not going to be your love interest!"

Joker looked at the audience. He winked.

* * *

**Useless Trivia Time:**

The Thanagarian Snare Beast in Brainiac's lab is taken from the scrapped script from Kevin Smith's _Superman Lives_ movie.

The Exxorian blue monkey is Gleek from _SuperFriends_.

Alexandra Luthor's secret identity is named Mockingbird, just like Luthor's secret identity in the _Villains United_ miniseries.

Also, Alexandra's dad is named Lionel, just like Lex Luthor's father in the _Smallville_ TV show.

The two girls making a cameo in Makie's scene when she walks across the campus are Original Characters Hanagata Miyuki and Barahime Mimi, both from fics born at discussions on the TV Tropes boards.

Of course, the scene with the Mahora Zombies was inspired by the _Marvel Zombies_ miniseries. By the way, this is the first time Kotaro appears in this fanfic… and he's an undead monster. Ho-hum. Poor guy.

Asakura Ryoko's current sorry status will be familiar for those who have watched the _Melancholy of Haruhi-chan_ Super Deformed anime series.

* * *

 

**Next, in Unequally Rational and Emotional Lesson 27:**

Hey, remember that little guy named Negi who used to star in this fanfic? Yes, so do we. Really! Well, next chapter has _two_ of that little guy! As the 2814 Ala Alba tries to explain their origins to the local magical community, something sinister is going on in the hills near Kyoto, and the Unequally verse will feel the consequences for a very long time!

Thrills! Chills! Setsuna vs. Setsuna! Intense talking duck vs. cannibalistic ghost action! Negi in a skirt! And this is just the tip of the iceberg! Don't miss it, or we'll hunt you down!


	31. Lesson 27: One Million Wonders

SCM's A/N: hope you enjoyed the insanity a couple of chapters ago. Here's more of it.

OverMaster's A/N: This chapter ended up being so long we had to split it by half. You'll have your Negi in a skirt and Setsuna vs. Setsuna in the next regular chapter, after an Omake lesson. Sorry about the wait.

Also, thanks to **The Sage of Toads** for allowing me to use his 'Sailor Says' idea for the closing segments. Go and check _Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon_ and _The Key to a Successful Interview_ right now!

* * *

 

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

Lesson 27: "ONE MILLION WONDERS" or "SCREW THE RULES, WE'RE PROTAGONISTS!"

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Woe is us.

 _Gun X Sword_ (one of the best anime series you probably haven't watched) was created and owned by AIC.

 _Bleach_ belongs to Kubo Tite.

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ and all its characters belong to Kumeta Koji.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

Darkwing Duck belongs to The Walt Disney Company.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, and slight amounts of cake. Also, the debut of Unequally Tsukuyomi, and… you know how she rolls. Side-effects include uncontrollable laughter, drink snorting, chips up the sinuses, the possibility of people giving you weird looks, baldness, extended erections, facial rictus, sores, bald patches and, in extreme cases, death. No approved therapeutic claims.

* * *

 

_**Unequally Dramatis Personae** _

**Negi Springfield** : The son of the legendary Thousand Master, and an English teacher in Mahora Academy. Younger and more inexpert than his visiting counterpart, he has been having slight occasional strange sensations ever since he was bitten by Evangeline during their recent major battle.

 **Hasegawa Chisame** : The only self-proclaimed 'normal' person left in a world gone mad. Also, Negi's first Pactio partner. However, the stress of rooming with Negi and Hakase already is pushing her further into oddity than her older, visiting counterpart. Despite everything, she actually worries deeply about her roommates and constantly looks after them.

 **Kasuga Misora, aka The Mysterious Sister** : Negi's second Pactio partner, and a magical nun in training, although her heart isn't really in it. A coward at her core, although she can risk her life rather bravely when motivated. In love with Negi, even if she doesn't know how to pose it to him.

 **CoconeFatima Rosa:** Misora's roommate and constant companion. Has shown signs of subdued but intense devotion both to Negi and Misora. Could it be…an attraction of some sort…?

 **Hakase Satomi** : An eccentric young scientist, and Negi's third Pactio partner. A pretty emotionless and distant person unless in a manic ' _ **FOR SCIENCE**_ ' fit until meeting Chisame and Negi, her recent opening to romantic emotions has left her quite a confused and torn person.

 **Kakizaki Misa** : Negi's fourth Pactio partner. A cheerful, liberal young woman with a gift for gossip and partying. Violently in love with Negi, and regards the other Pactio partners, except Sakurako, as her rivals. Has expressed bisexual inclinations towards certain girls, mostly Chisame's 'Chiu' Internet persona, and occasionally Sakurako herself.

 **Kagurazaka Asuna** : Negi's fifth Pactio partner. An orphan with a mysterious past. A brutally honest person with a deep liking for older men. Stubborn and hot tempered, but sincere and loyal to her friends to a fault.

 **Shiina Sakurako** : Negi's sixth Pactio partner. A bubbly and enthusiastic girl with powers over randomness and luck. Holds a huge crush for Hakase, who has started to more or less reciprocate.

 **Itoshiki Nozomu** : A Literature teacher at Mahora, formerly a groupie and tagalong child for the fabled band of Ala Rubra. Nowadays, he is a highly depressed man cursed with immortality, which is no obstacle for his trying numerous and disturbing suicide attempts. Is something of a role-model for Negi in matters Magical Teacherly, which can't end well.

 **Tsunetsuki Matoi** : One of Itoshiki's pupils, with a mania moving her to stalk people she considers her romantic interests. After a brief bout of fixation on Negi, she seems to have settled on stalking Chisame, much to the latter's chagrin. Her stalking has surprisingly allowed her to amass an unspecified number of unspecified Noodle Implement Skills. Used to stalk Shadow Crystal Mage, but that's over. (SCM: MATOI-CHAN! WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH ME?-!-?-!-?-!-? )

 **Kaga Ai** : A shy, pathologically introverted and nervous classmate of Matoi with a crippling guilt complex. Learned about Negi and Itoshiki's secret during their fight with Evangeline. Holds an unspoken attraction for Nozomu.

 **Albert 'Chamo' Chamomille** : A perverted ermine of a magical nature. No one has yet asked if he might be an escaped convict…

* * *

 

_**2814 Dramatis Personae** _

**Negi Springfield, aka Magus Erebus** : The 'head' of Ala Alba, Prince of Ostia, savior of two worlds, and an English Teacher in Mahora Academy. He likes tea and hates coffee.

 **Kagurazaka Asuna, aka, Asuna Vesperina Theotanasia Entheofushia, aka Twilight Red:** Ala Alba's actual battlefield-leader figure, formerly the Twilight Imperial Princess. Has a thing for older, mature men due to Freudian issues regarding having Ala Rubra as her only company while growing up. Is very protective of Negi. A linear thinker, she solves problems by bashing through anything in between her and the solution. This isn't as bad as it sounds.

 **Konoe Konoka, aka Magus Albus:** Ala Alba's secretary and primary medic. Very, _very_ creepy when it comes to healing. Is more badass than she lets on…

 **Sakurazaki Setsuna, aka AngelGARd:** Konoka's bodyguard and Ministra Magi. Will defend Konoka with her life, and then some, and cares for her dearly. Is _very_ embarrassed by the name of her most powerful technique, the "In Celebration Of My First Kiss With Konoka-Oujo-sama Strike".

 **Evangeline Athanasia Katerina McDowell, aka Dark Evangel, aka The Tidings of Destruction, aka Death In The Form of a Child, aka 'Kitty':** Negi Springfield's Master and teacher in the ways of magic. Is currently suffering through midlife crisis, despite her denials.

 **Karakuri Chachamaru** : Evangeline's robot maid with a soul. Likes kittens. Is very nice. Beware the nice ones. One of the few beings in existence who remembers her conversation with Death-sama just before she was 'born'.

 **Ayase Yue, aka Valkyrie Black:** a relatively magically weak (for the company she keeps) but highly skilled magic knight. Is as formidable on the debating floor as on the battle field. Vigorously denies she has a harem in Ariadne Academy. No one believes her, not even Nodoka.

 **Miyazaki Nodoka, aka Psycho Purple:** a combat telepath. Is next in line to take possession a Green Lantern Power Ring of Sector 2814 should one of the current Green Lanterns fall. Was not initially chosen because Uminari was closer than Mahora to Abin Sur's crash site. Her mind is a surprisingly dirty place…

 **Saotome Haruna, aka Kira Deathnote Paru-sama:** combat summoner, and the primary organizer of the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association of Earth. Is not as silly as she appears. Is not qualified to use a Green Lantern ring, to the relief of everyone who knows her. Doesn't stop her from trying to use her Artifact like one.

 **Kuro von Einzbern-Emiya, aka Black Archer:** see attached profile at the chapter's end.

 **Hasegawa Chisame, aka Calculator** : the only self-proclaimed 'normal' person left in a world gone mad. Something of straight man. Down to earth, and sensible, she is one of Negi's most trusted advisors and a highly regarded and respected authority in the UMG(&B) A due to her possession of great quantities of a surprisingly rare attribute: common sense.

 **Alberto "Chamo" Chamomile:** a perverted ermine of a magical nature. No one has yet asked if he might be an escaped , where have I heard this before...?

* * *

 

**Act One: Sorting Out.**

The Dean's large office had been made into an improvised interview room, as the group who claimed they were from another universe arrayed before the staff sat expectantly for the Faculty's responses to their testimony. One might be surprised at how quickly the two groups went from intense, violent combat to peaceful dialogue, but for the faculty, there's nothing like a teenaged girl yelling at you for being a violent idiot when you were supposed to be a sensible role model to get you to settle down. As for Ala Alba, well, after the Incident with the Defense Program, there'd been those who been perfectly willing to have a victory party with the Wolkenritter. It helped that Green Lantern had been _very_ strict about keeping the peace in her sector.

The greatest difficulty had been getting Evangeline to consent to join them. She'd finally put a lid on random expressions of her power, which meant they hadn't needed to dress for an arctic winter anymore, but after being sealed for so long, she wasn't willing to just meekly go with them to the local version of the Dean's office to be interrogated. It looked like another fight was in the offing, despite Chachamaru and Negi pleading with her and Chisame and Asuna yelling at her– which surprised the _hell_ out of the Faculty, their minds boggling at the thought that someone would actually dare to _yell_ at a fully unleashed Evangeline– when the dark-skinned girl in red with the skimpy armor had leaned forward and quietly whispered something into the Shinso's ear. One eyebrow had gone up, then both, and then her eyes had widened.

"Boya!" she'd cried, pointing at the masked boy who, upon removal of said mask, had turned out to be a slightly older version of Negi. "Lead the way to the Dean's office, now! You too, other boya!"

Both Negis had jerked, and ended up following the order, the younger from surprise and terror, the older from… well, slightly more of the same. Evangeline had followed close behind, to the annoyance of those who realized she was hogging the view of their ass. All in all, it was a strange procession that had finally reached the Dean's office.

The story they'd told once unmasked and changed back to their street clothes– exempting Negi, who Haruna had drawn a concealing duster for, to wide-eyed terror from the local version of Misora upon seeing her with such a terrifying Artifact– had been… well, something out of a weird manga for the teachers. All the group would say were that they'd been at Hakase's lab when an experiment had gone wrong, sending them to this world. It was the literal truth, after all.

The rest had been wheedled out of them, however.

"'Superheroes'?" Shakti repeated, not sure if she'd heard it right. "You're 'superheroes'?"

"Hell no!" Haruna repeated, standing dramatically, book in hand as Misora gave a yelp and dove for cover, making the teachers look at her strangely. For some reason, the travelers hadn't seemed to think this reaction was weird at all. "We're not _just_ superheroes, we're Magical Girls! We are Mahora Academy's Idol Protectors, the first line of defense against supervillains, aliens, time-travelers, espers, Witches, Stephenie Meyer and the forces of evil! United by turmoil, banding together for Justice, fighting for Truth and Love, we are the Sword and the Wings of Negi Springfield! We are the invincible Ala Alba, without peer or equal!"

Kuro raised an eyebrow. " _Ex-cuse_ me? What are the Knights, chopped liver?"

"For crying out loud, Deathnote, sit down and behave!" Chisame and Asuna cried.

The younger Negi blinked in confusion, some of the terms meaning nothing to him. The Faculty and the local Evangeline's eyes, however, slowly widened.

"Ala…"Itoshiki began, remembering the group he'd tried to join in his youth.

"Alba?" Seruhiko said.

The younger Negi frowned. "Why did you two call Haruna-san 'Deathnote'?"

"It's part of her code-name," Setsuna explained, still looking slightly embarrassed. Touko had looked amused when she'd seen who the meido-clad girl she'd been fighting had been, and apparently Setsuna still hadn't gotten over it. "Kira Deathnote Paru-sama."

"Not much of a code name," Misora commented, standing behind Cocone like the smaller girl was a shield. "I mean, her name is right _there!_ "

" _You_ try convincing Haruna something is idiotic," Yue said, sipping from the box of Radish and Chocolate Juice she'd bought from a vending machine on the way in. "If yours is anything like ours, you'd have better luck trying to make sense of a SHAFT anime. The insane kind that tries to be a show about nothing!"

"You _all_ have code names?" Gandolfini asked, bemused.

"M-most of us," Nodoka said, nodding.

"Well, except for Chachamaru," Kuro said. "We still can't think of anything that suits her. I wanted to call her Gundam Girl, but…"

"We already _have_ someone to whom that is a better descriptor," Yue said.

"Oh, come on! It's not like the little Green Devil actually _uses_ it!" Kuro complained.

"What's _your_ code name?" the younger Negi asked his other self.

"Magus Erebus," the Magical Boy said.

The younger one blinked. "The 'Mage of Hell'?"

"Not…exactly…" Erebus said. "It has to do with something I trained in."

Before the younger Negi could ask for clarification, Konoemon coughed. Everyone waited for the Dean to speak. The old man, however, remained perfectly still and silent for long, seemingly eternal moments, seriously trying the patience of both Evangelines. When it seemed the visiting vampire was about to talk again, the Headmaster asked quietly,

"Then, Konoka-chan..."

"Yes, sir?" Konoka perked up, vaguely wondering if that, indeed, was the right term to use with a parallel version of her grandfather, or if she should have used the more endearing term 'Grandpa'.

"Haven't you found a good man to marry yet?" he casually asked.

Setsuna's face lost all features but a huge open mouth, and a few red lines crisscrossed it. Most of the rest of Ala Alba held less intense degrees of the same thing, and the lined up Faculty betrayed several awkward expressions of their own. Only Kuro looked around in confusion, not getting it.

But Konoka only giggled, relieved at having the tension broken. "Oh, Grandpa! I'm _still_ too young to consider that...!" she said, bonking him with a mini-mallet.

"K-Konoemon-sensei!" Itoshiki sputtered.

"What's wrong?" Konoemon asked, now sporting a little bandage on his head. "A man who doesn't worry about family cannot worry about anything else. It's just natural for me to ask," he rasped. "Regardless, Negi-kun..."

"Yes?" the Negi sitting at his left blinked.

"Oh, sorry. I mean the other Negi-kun."

"Sir?" the somewhat older Negi sat straighter.

"Those gaudy uniforms you wore... Have they been approved by my... counterpart? Furthermore, does he, not to mention the rest of your Faculty, have knowledge about these 'secret identities' you have assumed? Because, if I may say so, and no offence to your choice of activities... I'm afraid we never could approve such a usage of magical power at our jurisdiction, if Negi-kun here ever decided to follow that path."

"I don't think you have anything to fear about that..." the local Negi offered, then told his older self, "I mean, it's a very, uh, appealing set of costumes, but..."

Erebus blushed. "Yes. Don't get me wrong, it's very comfortable to fight in, and quite dramatic, especially with a good wind coming in from the right direction, but…"

"Nonsense, Negi-kun!" Konoka cheered. "You look absolutely cool and _ADORABLE_ in them!"

The other Eva made a growling sound of approval. The Faculty and the local Eva eyed her. She grinned at them. Her teeth were pointy.

Setsuna coughed. "The Dean _did_ approve them, as a matter of fact, though it was too little too late. By that time, Ala Alba had become public figures, and our sudden disappearance would have aroused comment, especially after we were sighted speaking to Superman-sama after several high-profile incidents."

Negi stared. "You've met _Superman?-!_ "

Chisame twitched. "Unfortunately. Ugh, that outfit…" she shuddered, every fiber of her cosplayer being crying out in pain.

Yue continued the tale. "It was a complicated matter, politically. Unlike certain other groups who used magic in public–"

" _What?-!_ "the teachers gasped.

Yue went on. "– unlike other groups, we had affiliations to Mahora, who was part of an international agreement to preserve secrecy. Eventually, we were classified as Meta-Magi and, if we agreed to certain conditions, would be allowed to continue operating as we were."

"Same here," Kuro said. "We have to make it seem like our powers are unique to us, otherwise they'd send the Enforcers on us." She snorted. "Not like they'd really be able to do anything against Heroic Spirits. Anyhow, we can't seem like we're a part of a greater magical culture. If it looks like we just 'happen' to have magical powers, then the mundanes might still go looking for magic– that has always been inevitable– but they won't go looking for an _organized_ magical sub-culture living right under their noses." She snorted. "Though we're lucky because of all our political connections. Ever since the Rowling woman's book, people like the Clocktower Association and such have been very strict about secrecy. You sure it wasn't one of you people who put her up to it?"

"No Magister would do that!" older Negi said.

Kuro shrugged. "Well, it certainly wasn't a Magus. They wouldn't have enough imagination. And no one wants to admit to being the reason for the long time between books either…"

Yue coughed. "Regardless, we were asked to present ourselves as being singularly gifted and unique, like Dr. Fate, Zatanna, and various other personages who sometimes act publicly. If people thought magic produced random manifestations of unrelated powers, they would be less likely to think there was an underlying system to it, and less likely to think it can be _learned_."

"To be fair, the Wild Magic some westerners use _does_ work like that," Kuro pointed out.

"I…see. Naturally, you all are welcome to stay at our Academy until a way back for you can be found," Konoemon nodded and added evenly, "As long as you are respectful of our students' safety. So, while we respect your decisions to assume those identities at your Mahora, I'd still like to ask you to abandon them while you are here. Such sightings could alter the often delicate balance of peace we have here."

Haruna slumped, though Chisame looked relieved. Kuro merely tried to look innocent.

Everyone else seemed to be too intimidated by the unbound Evangeline sitting before them to ask anything else. As for the local Evangeline, she only kept on staring at her counterpart with half-closed eyes and a neutral face that seemed to be made of stone.

"Um, e-excuse me," Nodoka said, raising a hand like she was in class. "Um, not t-to be rude, but can I ask w-who these p-people are? I thought I knew all the t-teachers in Mahora, e-even if o-only in p-passing." Misora and Cocone still couldn't _believe_ this was the girl who'd been so effectively kicking their ass. _Without_ magic!

"Oh? Well, they are Itoshiki Nozomu-sensei, Teacher of Classic Literature, and Sugiura Midori-sensei, Teacher of World History. Itoshiki-sensei, as you may have noticed during the skirmish, is an accomplished dark mage, and Sugiura-sensei is the Ministra Magi to a trusted friend of mine currently living at the United States."

"Forgive my untimely question," Itoshiki lifted a hand up. "However, I feel I need to ask. If I'm absent from your lives in that world you hail from, then who covers my classes for me?"

"Um, actually, it's just Nitta-sensei covering Classic Lit in addition to his other classes," Haruna replied. "And Negi-sensei, of course."

Itoshiki's face went slack for a second, then he turned around sulking. "I'm so redundant I can be replaced without making any difference in the world...!" he sulked. "I'M IN DESPAIR! MY LACK OF SIGNIFICANCE IN THE GREATER SCHEME OF THINGS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"Excuse him," Midori-sensei sighed. "He's... difficult to deal with."

"Negi-sensei," Sister Shakti asked the newly arrived Negi, this time not even giving the local one a chance to mistakenly speak before he realized his error, shooting him a quick silencing glare, "We understand the cause of the accident that brought you here, after your initial declaration. Still, that doesn't explain why have you banded together with such a large group of students aware of your secret in the first place. I trust you, just like our own Negi-sensei, were instructed to keep your powers well hidden from your class." She could hear Misora gasping right behind her, but kept on ignoring her for the moment. "If it's not too touchy a subject, I'd like to know what moved you to break that vow of secrecy, and why have you taken more than one Pactio partner at such a young age."

All the Ala Alba girls looked at each other. Then, as one Ministra, they all pointed at Chamo, who was standing next to his double. " _ **IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!**_ "

"He was the one who said I should make a Pactio with him when Evangeline was trying to kill Negi!" Asuna cried.

Evangeline smiled nostalgically as she reclined on her seat, taking another cup of tea from Chachamaru. "Ah, good times…"

"H-he and Kazumi-chan s-set up a k-kissing game d-during a school f-fieldtrip!" Nodoka said. "I-I didn't know it w-was a P-pactio!"

"It was an emergency!" Setsuna cried. "There were so many demons around us, and it looked like we'd be overwhelmed…! Surely there's nothing wrong with it during a life and death situation? We needed to save ojou-sama!"

"It was my first kiss with a boy!" Konoka chirped happily.

The younger Negi paled in horror as he felt the teacher's gazes turn to him. He tried not to look at the Dean…

"It was all Paru's idea!" Yue said.

"I HAVE NO REGRETS!" Haruna cried.

"It was either that or the end of the world as we knew it," Chisame grumbled, not looking at anyone. "I wouldn't have done it if there'd been any other choice!"

"It was wonderful…" Chachamaru breathed, sounding wistful.

The local Evangeline turned her gaze on the gynoid, stare intent. Chachamaru seemed to blush, and went back to pouring tea.

Negi squirmed. "Things… sort of happened…"

"Vampires. Demon Gods. Demon Counts. Robot armies. Secret societies. Space police. Space wizards. Space wizard knights. Eldritch abominations. Shape-shifting, mind-sucking space vampires from Mars," Yue listed. "There were always extenuating circumstances."

"Negi didn't want to get us involved!" Asuna said. "Hell, you wouldn't _believe_ the number of times this bonehead went running off into danger and tried to ditch us!" She scowled, turning at the older Negi. "Honestly, even your _DAD_ took his friends when he did stupid things like jumping into canyons where magic doesn't work filled with giant monsters to rescue certain princesses!" Suddenly she whirled, pointing an accusing finger at the younger Negi, who shrank back at the fierce expression on Asuna's face. "YOU! Don't you _dare_ turn out like this idiot, understand! When you're going to do something dangerous, ALWAYS BRING BACKUP!"

"Y-yes ma'm!" the younger Negi cried, saluting. "I promise! I swear! But…" he paused. "But I don't plan on doing anything dangerous…"

All the girls, even Evangeline and Chachamaru, gave him a _look_. "You're a Springfield," Evangeline snorted. "You do stupid, dangerous things as a matter of course. Saying no to your betters–"

"– learning dangerous spells far above your level–" Chachamaru said with her usual bluntness, but smiling to take the sting out.

"– getting into gladiatorial tournaments with crazy broken game characters who's a damned guy you can stab with swords all you like and it won't do a thing, dammit–" Chisame said.

" _ **LEARNING SUPER-DANGEROUS FORBIDDEN DARK MAGIC!**_!" Asuna finished, pointing. "Darn it, you shouldn't be allowed out without a leash!"

Negi's eyes bugged. "S-super-dangerous forbidden dark magic?" he said. "I wouldn't do that!"

Magus Erebus coughed guiltily.

Negi's eyes bugged out further. "EH!-?"

"It wasn't like it was that hard…" Erebus muttered. "And it didn't kill me…"

"No, you were doing a good job of that yourself, always overexerting yourself and never resting!" Asuna raged.

Even Konoka nodded in agreement, whacking Negi with her grandpa mallet. "Bad Negi-kun! You made us all worry a lot. You _still_ do!"

Kuro shook her head. "I don't see what you all see in him. His dick isn't even that big. Not like onii-chan's…" She sighed. "Oh, onii-chan…!"

The Faculty shared an uncomfortable, blunt silence, until the Dean asked, slowly but also not sounding actually disturbed at all, "Child, could you tell us your brother's name…?"

Kuro gave him a penetrating look, but then shrugged. "Eh, why not. It's not like it could get to any enemies we might have. My beloved onii-chan is Emiya Shirou! Isn't that a simply gorgeous name?" Kuro asked with a dreamy sigh.

"Emiya-kun. I see…" Konoemon pondered. Emiya's adopted son. He always had known that boy was fated for… things in the future. Apparently the same thing also held true in other universes. It was why he'd spent a goodly part of his time trying to make sure he and Konoka were absolutely ignorant of each other's existence.

It would later dawn on him that perhaps he should have gone the same lengths with Negi.

"That still leaves us with the biggest question at hand," Midori put her hands together matter-of-factly trying to leave the conversation about penises behind. "Now what?"

Gandolfini nodded, allowing his chin to rest on the back of his joined hands thoughtfully. "Indeed. It's not like we can just sweep you all under the rug, but neither can we allow you to interact with unsuspecting students. Far too many questions would arise."

"Yes. Age deceiving pills can make convincing disguises for some of you, but if all of you are seen together, even changed, people will put two and two together," Midori added, running a hand through her red hair. "Particularly near 2-A."

"That shouldn't be much trouble," Haruna said. "Be bought a batch of Identity Obfuscation glasses when we were… on our last trip. Between those, age-change pills, hair dye and a few changes of clothes, we'd be completely disguised!"

"The good part is the students are about to go on their class trips," Mitsuru smiled, always the jovial one. "We only need to hide you for a short while. Then you can pretty much wander around freely until they return."

"You talk as if those are going to be extremely long vacations," Sister Shakti said.

Itoshiki lifted a hand. "Konoemon-sensei!"

"Yes, Itoshiki-kun?" the Dean's head leaned slightly towards him.

"I'd like to be assigned to the handling of this situation!" the younger man asked seriously.

Sugiura gave him a critical look. "You, Nozomu?"

He nodded firmly. "Indeed! While I understand you may lack confidence on my abilities, I still would like to ask you for a chance to prove myself!"

"I'd argue this is an assignment that cannot be delegated to any single one of us, no matter who it is," Seruhiko stated humorlessly.

"Then I'd like to offer myself to help!" the young Negi offered himself eagerly.

"Negi-sensei, you are far too personally involved, in every sense of the word," Sister Shakti told him. "I don't think it'd be for the best..."

"I'd say personal contact is exactly what is needed here!" Itoshiki countered, with a passion rare in him about anything not involving his own demise. "We can't allow ourselves to be so blinded by our procedures we lose sight of the personal drama these youngsters are suffering through! These people have lost everything they once had, and now more than ever, they need some familiar faces around them to lend some semblance of comfort!"

"I feel perfectly fine, actually," the unbound Evangeline snarled. "What I _need_ is to get out of this university so I can find a certain annoying mage who FORGOT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME BACK FOR ME AND KICK HIS ASS!"

All the teacher's except the Dean suddenly jerked at this exclamation but Ala Alba only sighed or rolled their eyes.

The Dean allowed himself a true grandfatherly smile, nodding fondly. "Well said, Itoshiki-sensei...! I'm glad your recent interactions with Negi-sensei have opened you a bit to the better aspects of life. I'll tell you what; you and Negi-sensei, in my opinion, should be allowed at least two days of trial situation management. You would report to us periodically, on... ahhh... any and all needs our guests need to have satisfied," he chuckled, apparently ignoring the visiting Evangeline's highly annoyed glare. "And if everyone's content with the results after that time, I'd see no reason to discontinue your supervision. In the meanwhile, I do believe the rest of our talents would be better used in figuring out a way for our new friends to get back home."

Itoshiki almost smiled as he saw the rest of the Faculty quickly falling into a more or less general agreement. They always could be counted on something; dumping all unwanted messes on him when chips were down. That was how he had been assigned Class 2-F, after all.

Gandolfini addressed the Dean next. "Sir, in that case, may I send my two liaison assistants tomorrow to help Itoshiki-sensei and Negi-sensei with their charges?"

The Dean hummed. "Well, we were going to assign them to Negi-sensei's training soon anyway, so why not? Just make sure to properly prepare them for it beforehand."

"Naturally," the dark skinned man bowed gratefully.

Misora sighed to herself as her Negi looked on with mild intrigue, and the Ala Alba shared glares between them, already guessing who did they mean. She was sure of it, too. Those two girls...

"Well, this is gonna be interesting," Haruna whispered.

"Any bets on how long it takes **her** to get stripped here?" Asuna whispered back.

Magus Erebus silenced them with a few quick and awkward glances. He coughed. "Um, headmaster, if, um, ah, Springfield-san here is going to be undergoing additional training soon, then I would like to volunteer to assist. It's the least I can do to pay back your generosity."

"You?" the Dean said, looking slightly amused at this idea.

Erebus smiled slightly, as if sharing the dean's thought. "Well, I _am_ an accredited teacher who trained at an _excellent_ school, a mage, have proven myself in handling a very, ah, _challenging_ class–"

"Loony bin full of vampires, weirdoes, freaks, nuts, assorted idiots and sexual deviants, you mean," Chisame muttered.

"– and I believe I can confidently say that I am quite familiar with the needs and abilities of the, ah, subject," Erebus finished.

Asuna poked him in the cheek. "You're not going to teach him forbidden dark magic, are you?" she said, glaring.

The older Negi blushed. "N-no, of course not! That would be irresponsible!"

"When's that ever stopped you?" Chisame said.

 

* * *

 

**Act Two: Meeting.**

 

_Meanwhile, at the dorm rooms shared by the local Negi, Chisame and Hakase:_

Chisame had never been used to playing hostess. And it showed.

Her annoyance at having so much company was evident as she placed the tray of snacks on the table, despite her attempts to look neutral and indifferent. Even so, no one seemed to mind that much, if at all; Misa and Sakurako had all but jumped on the snacks as soon as they were there, with Asuna helping herself shortly thereafter.

"You too, Satomi-chan! Say 'Ahhhh'!" Sakurako cooed while directing a mouthful towards Hakase's face. The genius relented and opened wide, allowing the cheerleader to feed her. Misa giggled, but Asuna and Chisame just shared a rolling of eyes. Then Hasegawa absently punched Matoi back as she tried beginning to feed her as well.

The threat momentarily averted, Chisame looked at the only girl at the room who wasn't eating. "Kaga-sempai? Aren't you hungry?" she asked, out of mere basic politeness.

"Oh! S-Sorry! I didn't mean to offend your cooking!" Ai nervously picked a snack up and bit on it with chattering teeth. "I just thought I shouldn't be helping myself without a direct invitation! Sorry about that!"

"Gee, Sempai, you really need to loosen up," Asuna snarked. "That attitude can get on the nerves of anyone! Try to chill, will you!"

"I-I-I apologize over causing you so much stress! I can leave now if you want!" she looked on the verge of crying.

Asuna sighed in utter defeat. "Forget it. You'll never change no matter what."

"Why do you think Negi-kun called us all here?" Sakurako asked.

"Maybe he's decided to give Tsunetsuki-sempai or Kaga-sempai a Pactio?" Misa wondered.

"Why'd he do that?" Chisame huffed. "A Pactio is an extremely serious thing! It's not a step that should be taken 'just because'!"

Misa looked at her with a lopsided amused grin. "Like marriage?"

"Keep saying that and I'll make Sensei your widower," Chisame threatened.

"I'll bet he made a Pactio with someone else," Asuna observed.

Misa, Chisame and Hakase quickly came alert.

"And now he'll come apologizing over it, and saying he had no choice in the matter..." Asuna continued between bites, moving her bare feet around. "I'll bet it's Kazumi, that snooping bloodhound..."

"Maybe Haruna," Misa said, scrunching her face in disgust.

"Kaede-san. Always distrust the ninja," Matoi opined, peeking from behind Chisame.

Hasegawa clenched her teeth. "Yes, I can see it now... Just like something that little moron would do... He's gonna show up with a girl at that door right now, laughing dumbly and saying 'Sorry, we just had to kiss because...'"

Sakurako gave Misa a concerned gaze and whispered, "Is she always this jealous?"

Misa nodded and whispered back. "Why do you think I haven't been able to land another kiss on him?"

Then someone rang the door.

"It's him!" Misa perked up, but before she could cover the distance to the door, Chisame beat her to it, so fast, Kakizaki wondered if she had stolen Misora's powers or something.

"Brat!" Chisame said while flinging the door open. "What kind of mess have you bro—"

Then she saw a grinning Haruna standing in front of her, and her worst suspicions seemed confirmed. "Oh, no. Not **her**!"

"Hello, Chiu-chan!" Haruna greeted happily. "I'm happy to see you, too! Although maybe I'm not the girl you were waiting for..."

"You can say that again," Chisame deadpanned.

"No, I mean it," Haruna said, pulling Nodoka and Yue along with her into sight. The girls inside gasped, as Nodoka waved shyly and Yue bowed respectfully. "You'll see, the funniest thing happened to us on our way here... or more exactly, to send us here..."

"What have you done?" Chisame accused Negi.

"It's... It's not my fault!" he protested as he entered the room behind the girls. "To be fair, I don't think you can call it anyone's fault..."

"Well, I think we're going to start putting the blame on this kind of thing!" Chisame told him. "Because I swear, at this rate, you'll have the whole class tangled up in this in less than—"

"Relax!" Haruna told her in turn. "Your classmate Saotome Haruna doesn't know anything about your involvement with magic!"

"Har har, Haruna," Misa groaned while walking closer. "Just tell us, you got yourself a Pactio or not?"

Haruna grinned, holding up her card. "Of course I did... but not with Negi-kun here!"

Chisame blinked, then looked at the approaching Misora and Cocone. "You, Kasuga?"

"Not me!" the sprintster jerked back in disgust.

Chisame and Misa directed dubious looks at Cocone then.

Cocone shook her head. "I'd understand the risks of granting powers to someone like _that_..."

A vein bulged on Paru's head. "Cute... Cute kid..."

"Then who...?" Misa asked.

"That... That'd be me..." a second male voice explained with hesitation. The girls looked around to see another newcomer; a boy wrapped in a long coat, with a hood obscuring most of his face. He pulled the hood back, revealing the face of... another Negi, although with a small scar across his left cheek.

"Sen... sei...?" Chisame let out an odd strangled sound. "You never mentioned you had an... older brother..."

Misa bit her lower lip in appreciation. Dammit, this brother was hot too. Not as Shota-cute as her Negi, but with the youthful beginnings of bishounen hotness...

The other girls at the room had gathered at the door now as well, looking with curiosity at the newcomers. "He can't be more than two years older than Negi-sensei..." Satomi calculated.

"No matter what happens, he isn't going to stay with us!" Asuna warned.

"We aren't brothers, actually..." both Negis said at once, in the same embarrassed tone.

"Oh, yeah? Coulda fooled me," Asuna snorted again. "When two people are that identical, they only can be relatives!"

"That's where you're wrong!" a voice identical to her own answered.

"What?" Asuna babbled, and made a shocked wild take as she saw a girl who was similar in everything to her approaching at a confident pace. "AUUUGHHH! Wh-What kind of miserable joke is this?-!"

Chisame stared on and adjusted her glasses to get a better view. "W-Well, you said you grew up without... knowing your family, didn't you? Maybe you... were separated from this twin sister of yours at birth..."

"How cute! It's like a soap opera!" Sakurako gushed.

"I don't know," Hakase doubted. "I think this can't be Kagurazaka-san's twin; if anything, I'd say she's a couple of years older than her as well..."

Asuna looked at her own trembling hands. "It can't be... after all this time... believing I was an orphan... now I have a... a..." Suddenly, she had a change of expression, looking up at her double. "Hey, hey, we're rich, aren't we? That's why someone kidnapped me when I was little, and then—"

The other Asuna narrowed her eyes. "Negi, Nodoka, Yue, please tell me I never sounded **this** selfish. Lie to me if necessary."

The older Negi opened his mouth and lifted a finger to say something, but Yue and Nodoka shook their heads slowly and, softly grabbing his hand, pulled it down.

Chisame sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "In any case, Asuna, it's rude to meet your long lost sister with a reaction like—"

Then she noticed a girl identical to herself coming along with two Evangeline and two Chachamarus.

"Huh...?" Hakase's eyes grew wide as saucers. "When did Chao—?-!"

Misa yelped, backing away quickly. "Oh, no! Don't tell me we're going to fight again over that whole blood sucking thing! And now with clones?-!"

A too shocked to think clearly Chisame walked past them, unceremoniously grabbed the other Chisame's cheeks, and tugged on them.

"Hey!" the other girl yelped. "What the hell are you—?-!-!"

"Takethat stupid, if perfectly made, rubber mask off, Fake Chiu!" Chisame clenched her teeth. "No matter what, no one's going to steal MY place at MY domains! No one!"

"C-C-Chiu...?" Misa's brow twitched.

Both Negis slumped down in quiet self-commiseration.

Asuna looked at the odd scene with large round eyes, then turned back to the other Kagurazaka. "But you haven't answered my question. Exactly how rich we are?"

The other Asuna growled. "Before meeting you? I can say my life was much richer then!"

"... Did you say... Chiu...?" Misa began to repeat dubiously, but Haruna interrupted her with a boisterous and careless laugh.

"Ah, ha ha ha! Don't worry, everyone! There's a perfectly logical explanation for all of this!"

"Oh, yes? And what would that be?" the native Chisame asked with an aggressive hiss.

"We come from a parallel universe, two years into the future, naturally!" Paru declared. "Really, isn't that obvious?"

A chilling icy breeze passed through the hallway all of a sudden.

"What?" the young Asuna was the one to finally break the silence.

"I realize it must sound highly unbelievable," Yue started, "But..."

"Understatement of the century, Ayase!" Chisame spat fire. "Really, Kasuga, I don't know how the hell you staged this and how you roped everyone into it, but it's not funny at all!"

"Why does it always have to be my fault?-!" Misora protested.

"I could think of a few reasons..." Cocone whispered.

"Historical precedent _does_ support such a theory," one of the Chachamarus said mildly. On closer inspection, the two weren't that identical at all. They had different ear antenna, for example. One didn't have her joints showing, and had a noticeably larger bust. Some of the girls instantly felt inadequate

Sakurako and Hakase looked in perfect synchronicity at the Asunas, then at the Chisames, comparing them to each other, before sharing a perplexed stare.

"Nearly impossible according to all paradigms of reality and logic, and yet the proof itself is right before our eyes..." Satomi spoke slowly.

Shiina nodded only once. "Yeah. Cool."

Misa smiled as she looked at both Negis standing together, seeing actual definite possibilities there. Briefly, a highly interesting idea crossed her mind.

_Negi and Negi lovingly caressed Misa's face as they took her from behind and the front..._

"Say... you didn't bring another Kakizaki Misa as well, did you?" she asked, her voice almost a purr.

_Negi and Negi lovingly caressed Misa's face as they took her from behind and the front and the other Misa licked all over her chest..._

"The universe hasn't ended yet, has it?" the other Chisame sneered.

"Thank god," the dark-skinned girl with silvery hair who'd come just entered at the very rear of the group said. "I don't feel like preventing the end of the universe today. It's usually more a Wednesday night thing."

Misa frowned at her. "Who the hell are you?"

Itoshiki-sensei came from the back of the hall, wet from head to toe. "My apologies for being late... and not **late** ," he offered. "Good afternoon, everyone. I see you have just met yourselves..."

"Sensei?" Sakurako asked him. "What were you doing?"

"Oh, this. I was just trying to drown in the public pool, but they fished me out. The pressure of this unusual event is really getting to me. I think I'll have an aneurysm. Not that I'd complain, but still. Good afternoon, Shiina-san, you look lovely today. So, I assumed the universe hasn't exploded yet due to a continuity paradox?"

"What do you think, Sherlock?" the Evangelines chorused an icy snort. They glared at each other.

The other Chisame looked behind the first Chisame and grimaced. "Hey, you..."

"What?" Chisame grumbled, never stopping massaging her temples. All these name repetitions were giving her a headache.

"Don't look now, but... you have a girl clinging to your back. And I really don't like the way she's looking at me."

_Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!_

"Ah yeah, her," Young Chisame snorted. "She's Tsunetsuki Matoi, my stalker. Don't tell me you don't have one!"

"OF COURSE NOT!"

Young Chisame nearly sobbed. "I was born in the wrong universe...!"

The other Chisame gave her a look. "If the brat and a stalker are all you need to contend with, I'll trade lives in a heartbeat."

"Wow," Asuna still was blinking. "Like a really bad Sci Fi flick, huh?"

"More like a really bad Magic-Sci Fi-Comedy-Action-Adventure-Humor-Drama movie, but at least we have a really high budget. That's what our lives have been since meeting Negi, yep," the older Asuna confirmed, patting her on the shoulder. "So, you already fought Evangeline along Negi, right?"

"Huh? No, Chisame, Hakase, Misora and Misa did that," the local Asuna said. "I was pulled in long after that."

"Ah, so you lost First Girl Winsstatus...!" Haruna shook her head sadly.

"Win at what?" the native Baka Red wondered.

 _"_ Don't try to understand her," Yue almost pleaded. "Please don't. For your own sanity's sake..."

* * *

 

**Act Three: Comparing Notes**

"Why does it have to be in **our** room?" the local Chisame complained as everyone seemed to have problems fitting into the small dorm, the strangers brushing the assorted pieces of Hakase's machinery aside while taking their spots across the room. It was pretty crowded, with Calculator's maids–Chisame couldn't think what had gone through the other her's head, using that handle!– needing to stay in the bathroom. Everyone was shoulder to shoulder, save the Evangelines, who had their own clear spaces by virtue of their Chachamarus and the fact they were both scary as all hell.

"Yeah," the other Chisame agreed, wondering what that weird stalker girl's problem was, staring at both her and the other her. "Couldn't we have used the old school buildings or something? "

They all stared with different levels of impatience at Itoshiki-sensei, who sat at the end of the room with a visibly uncomfortable local universe-Negi at his side.

"This place is practically Negi-sensei Central at these grounds, Hasegawa-san," the man coldly pushed his glasses up his nose. "And since the Negi-senseis seems to be the focus points of our respective groups in both universes, I believe it's for the best if we start comparing notes and misfortunes at the epicenter of everything."

Magus Erebus blinked. "Did he just call us misfortunes?" he asked his other self.

The younger Negi sighed. "It's just his way. He means nothing by it."

"Yeah, well, you need to go straight to the point, Despair-sensei!" the resident Chamo took center stage instead, puffing on his cigarette a couple of times as he paced on top of the center table before saying, "Now listen, everyone! If I have understood this all right..." he waved the cigarette in the direction of the Ala Alba girls, "You gals are all Alternate Bro's Pactio partners, aren't you? Well, except you, Eva-sama..."

The stranded Asuna, Konoka, Setsuna, Nodoka, Yue, Chisame, Haruna and Chachamaru all nodded. Home Team-Chamo let out a whistle. "Even Chachamaru-chan, huh...?"

The local Chachamaru's eyes widened only a bit at the revelation, scanning the more advanced model carefully.

"What about them?" Misa pointed at Mint and Chitose.

"They're my... robot maids," the alternate universe Chisame admitted grumpily.

The other Chisame made a face. "Your Hakase gave you your own robots?" She would have pointed out all the flaws and dangers of something like that if the robots themselves, Chachamaru and their own Hakase had not been there.

"Oh, HELL no!" Calculator said vehemently. "They're spoils of war from the time space wizard knights attacked the school to steal people's magic."

Chisame's jaw dropped, eyes bulging. "W-what?-!-?-!" she demanded shrilly.

Calculator twitched. "Oh, you heard me right the first time. I'd transfer if I thought I could afford to go somewhere less insane. I'm seriously considering moving to Gotham City. The crime rate is absurd, but at least all you get there are _normal_ human lunatics, not vampires, robots, time-travelers, aliens and space wizards."

"You _know_ Batman-sama wouldn't let you do that, Chisame-chan," the other Yue pointed out.

Calculator sniffed. "I refuse to be bossed around by a grown man in Kevlar tights!"

"No, you'd rather be bossed around by your twelve year old English teacher who happens to be your first kiss," Kuro said, smirking at Chisame.

Calculator glared at her. "Oh, you did _not_ just go there…"

"I rather think I did," Kuro chirped.

"Well, who is she?" Itoshiki pointed at the dark-skinned girl. "Even in Mahora, none are so filled with lewdness at such a young age!"

"Well…"Misa began.

"I'm not a member of Ala Alba, bishie-wannabe," Kuro said, leaning back, crossing her arms, and standing in a way that somehow accentuated her legs. "I'm a Fuyuki Fate Knight. The only reason I was in Mahora in the first place was because Hakase asked for my help with an experiment."

"We've warned you about that, but will you listen?" Yue said.

Kuro shrugged. "Occupational hazard in our line of work."

"Wait, you're an actual honest to goodness knight?" Misora said.

Kuro sighed. "Unfortunately not. Apparently, Diana-hime can't grant knighthoods, _no one_ wants to be one of Gilgamesh's knights, and anyway since he's sworn his fealty to Endymion he's not doing that anyway, and Saber doesn't want to. What's the point of letting King Arthur sleep with your older brother– _WHEN I TOTALLY HAD DIBS!_ –if she's not even going to grant you a knighthood so you can impress chicks?"

"I thought the only women you wanted to bang were your sister and Miyu-chan?" Haruna asked.

Asuna, Negi, Itoshiki, Chisame, Misora and Hakase's eyes bulged as a lecherous smile began to spread on Misa's lips. "Your _SISTER_?"

Itoshiki blinked. "Wait, _KING ARTHUR?-!_ "

" _SHE?_ " Negi said, latching on to the other thing.

"They're the only ones who I want to make love to, which just happens to involve intimate, meaningful, decadently habitual, mind-blowing loli-on-loli sex," Kuro corrected, one finger raised in a lecturing pose. "However, I have _no_ problems with cheap one-night stands or random, meaningless, mind-blowing sex."

" _Re-ealllyy?_ " Misa drawled.

"Don't make me have one of my robot maids kick your ass," Calculator glared. "They're not as top of the line as Chachamaru, but they're more than good enough."

"So, that's the way it is..." Negi, the one living there, nodded in understanding, even though he hadn't really understood what all that was about. "Well, so far, I have made Provisional Pactios with Chisame-san, Misora-san, Satomi-san, Misa-san, Asuna-san, and Sakurako-san, in that order."

Calculator paled as the other Ala Alba girls turned to look at her.

"Wow, you broke first here, Chisame-chan?" Haruna said, grinning widely in way that translated between universes very well. "You must not be as normal as you thought!"

"Shut up!" Calculator snapped. "I'm _NORMAL_ , darn it! It's you weirdoes who keep dragging me into things!"

"And those two girls?" Kuro asked, pointing at Ai and Matoi.

"Oh, they are two of my students, Kaga Ai and Tsunetsuki Matoi," Itoshiki explained. "Through their own different sets of circumstances, they both discovered Negi-sensei's secret, and mine by extension."

"Actually, I didn't even suspect **you** were a mage too until I was called for this discussion," Matoi told him. Nozomu's face paled visibly.

"Y-You didn't?-!"

She shook her head.

"Catastrophe!" he lamented. "My carelessness puts me further closer to the brink of an abyss and a sad existence as an ermine! I'm in despair! My carelessness has let me in despair!"

"Never understood what's intended to be so bad about that," Chamo told the other Chamo.

"Yeah, me neither," the other Chamo shrugged.

"Neither of you think having a penis only big enough to satisfy a pen cap while surrounded by hormonal teenage girls is punishment?" Kuro said.

Both Negi's blushed as the ermines stared at her. One could almost hear a glass-like shattering in the air.

"My entire self-image, destroyed!" one Chamo cried.

"I have no more reason to live!" the other Chamo wailed in agreement.

The groups stared.

"Unbelievable," the younger Chisame said. "She managed to break Chamo…"

"I'm sorry for being a puzzling, unwanted piece in this whole complex situation!" Kaga bowed several times, nervously. "Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know I'm an eyesore here, but I couldn't be as rude as to reject Sensei's invitation!"

"Ai-chan has a massive guilt complex," Matoi explained evenly. "She tends to blame herself over everything. And I mean **everything**."

"Since you don't seem to recognize me or them, may I truly assume we have no counterparts at your version of Mahora Academy?" Itoshiki wondered.

"I'd remember people like you if I ever had met you before," the alternate Evangeline said rather bluntly. A very short pause. "Although I'd do my best to forget. Didn't we establish this already?"

"A world without me..." the man ignored that question and pondered, gaining a starry eyed stare fixed in the distance for a moment. "Clearly, you do come from a much better world..."

"Hey, we're excluded from that world too," Matoi protested. "So what's that supposed to mean?"

"That it clearly _is_ a better world?" Chisame said scathingly.

"Ah!" Ai said, bowing repeatedly again. "I'm sorry my very presence makes the world a worse place! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"By the way," Sakurako ripped a bag of chips open and pushed the first one into her mouth, "Have you thought where you will be staying while you're here?"

"Well, this is Chisame and Negi's room, so the other two of them should stay here as well," Home-Team Asuna opined. "Ditto for Evangeline and Chachamaru."

"It seems the most logical course of action, yes," Itoshiki nodded.

"Whoa, wait a minute there...!" the Chisames began to protest, but someone else beat them to the punch.

"Hey, now!" the local Evangeline barked. "Since when can you dictate what I'll do with my home?"

"It's my home too," the other Evangeline snorted. "Why couldn't I stay there if I wanted to?"

"Your home's far away from here!" the first Eva stated. "If you can't go back there, it isn't my problem!"

"Maybe you should consider your problem the fact I've regained my full power, while you haven't!" the other Eva threatened.

"Do you dare impose conditions upon me...?-!" the local vampiress growled.

"Please, Master, don't fight..." both Chachamarus asked at the same time.

"Catfight!" Kuro cried. "Tear your clothes off! Wild hot loli on loli action!"

The two Evangelines turned to glared at her. "You dare–!" the local one said.

The other didn't bandy with words and just snapped her wrist, a concentrated blast of darkness and ice lashing across the intervening space at the girl. People cried, leaping out of the way even though there really wasn't any way to go.

"Trace, ON!"

The spell struck… and was immediately negated. Kuro stood there, pose unchanged, a gigantic sword, Ensis Exorcizans standing between her and Eva. She pouted. "That was a bit uncalled for," she said as the sword disappeared.

The empowered Evangeline glared at the girl. "One of these days, you're not going to be able to call one of those things fast enough…"

Kuro merely reached into her cleavage– prompting both Negis and Itoshiki to hastily turn away and the others to wonder just how she'd put anything there– and withdrew a small square of photo cardstock, handing it face-down to the Evangeline who'd attacked her. The vampire took it, flipped it over, and stared. The other Evangeline, also looking over her shoulder, stared as well. Kuro just smirked.

"You may live," Evangeline said, hastily tucking it into _her_ own cleavage, to covetous looks from her counterpart.

"Do we want to know?" Setsuna said.

Kuro made a show of thinking about it. "No, you probably don't."

The locals all exchanged looks. "Does this happen a lot?" a slightly nervous Misa asked.

"P-pretty m-much," Nodoka said apologetically. "S-sorry."

The older Asuna rolled her eyes and sighed, looking at her younger counterpart. "I guess that means I'll stay with you, right?" he said, resuming the subject as if nothing had happened.

"Sorry, but our Konoka doesn't know anything about magic yet. Your presence there would bring too many unwanted questions," the other redhead waved her hands before herself. "And the same goes for the local librarians."

"Well, a few of you can stay with Cocone and me in the meanwhile," Misora offered, with Cocone nodding quietly. "I have a lot of things to ask you about my other self."

"Maybe it's for the best not to ask too many things about our future," 'her' Negi cautioned. "Not only did things clearly not happen the exact same way in both universes– or perhaps won't– but even if they do, it's always best not to play with time and destiny..."

At these words, Ala Alba all burst into laughter, confusing the hell out of their guests even more. Elsewhere, Chao felt like someone had shot the very reason for her existence.

* * *

 

**Act Four: Living Together**

Matoi sighed as she grudgingly opened her dorm. "Here," she said. "I suppose you can make yourselves at home..."

Setsuna frowned as Konoka looked about in interest. "What about your roommate?"

"She's not a problem," Matoi said, waving a dismissive hand. "She lives in our classroom."

"Huh?" Konoka asked in confusion.

"She's a Hikkikomori," Matoi said. "It's the only way she can attend class."

"That... makes sense..." Setsuna said slowly, taking in the room. "Um, Tsunetsuki-san, I hesitate to ask, but is there any particular reason you have so many pictures of Chisame-san posted in your room...?"

Matoi glared at her. "Will you mock my DEEP LOVE too?"

"Deep Love?" Konoka asked, confused, realizing there _were_ an inordinate amount of pictures of Chisame. Many looked like they were taken without her knowledge, and the angle of one implied it had been taken through the bathroom window while Chisame was using the loo. She'd seen things like this in some of the creepier movies she'd insisted she watch with Setsuna so she'd have an excuse to hold tight to her bodyguard. It was a stalker shrine.

Setsuna, however, seemed to take it all in stride. "Not really." She pointed to one shot of Chisame just walking, looking slightly pissed as she glared down at Negi. There was a hint of panty beneath the lifting skirt. "This is an _excellent_ shot. What kind of lens did you use?"

Matoi didn't miss a beat. "A LuthorCam XJ-9."

"Huh. Good choice. I like how you managed to deal with the polarization problem."

"Yes, that's why I don't use it much. Still, for certain panty-shots, I prefer it to the SCM Z8-I4 or the WayneLens V-6. It provides such high definition. Notice you can see every frill on her panties?"

"I prefer the SCM Z8-I4 myself," Setsuna commented casually as Konoka stared at the two of them. "It allows for better contrast shots, such as wet shirts."

"Oh, portraiture! Come over here, I have some nice examples..."

"Hmm, very sharp images there. Chisame-san's bloomers look cut by a knife. I take it you use film?"

"Of course. But digital has its purposes too. It's better for multi-shot captures. Still, I am glad to see you're a person of good taste, Setsuna-san."

"Oh, you know. Kazumi is better at it than me, but I like to think I'm no slouch in the art of the exposure camera..."

The two chatted away, Matoi pointing at various pictures as Setsuna looked on appreciatively, even pulling a small stack of pictures from a storage sigil Konoka didn't know her partner had. The two sat, comparing technique and talking photography as Konoka, for perhaps the first time ever, felt a _slight_ urge to lean away from Setsuna.

"Um, well, I'll go make dinner," she volunteered, wondering if she should worry about those pictures Setsuna had. The two waved absently, engrossed in their conversation.

"...a pity my night-vision lens is broken," Matoi sighed.

"Oh, would you like me to look at it for you?" Setsuna volunteered. "After the fifth time mine broke, I enrolled for the technician's certificate for it. If it's a recent model, I should be able to fix it."

"Would you? It's a WayneLens BTI."

"Oh, one of those. A bit old, but an excellent model. A pity they discontinued it..."

* * *

 

Chachazero's reaction at having two Evangelines arrive at the cottage, one overflowing with power, was sad and kinda predictable.

"Hey! Can I hook up with you?" she asked.

Her creator punted her into a corner of the room, bouncing several times before falling into a pile of dolls.

As Chachamaru rushed to make sure her predecessor was all right, her alternate, Karakuri, closed the door behind her master. She moved to stand beside her master, who was looking intently all over the place, frowning slightly. "Master?" the en-souled gynoid asked.

"Chachamaru," the Shinso said, "when we get home, we're going to do some cleaning. I haven't realized how much crap boya and his friends have left all over my house."

Evangeline turned to frown at her. "You let Springfield hang around your _house_?"

"I don't _let_ them," McDowell snapped. "They just _do!_ They're like insects that way."

"You're telling me you can't stomp a few insects?" Evangeline sneered. "Pathetic. I can't believe you've fallen so low."

"Need I remind you which of us is at full power, brat?" McDowell said, a fang bared.

Evangeline's eyes narrowed, her strings palmed and ready.

Chachamaru seemed slightly worried by the situation, eyes flicking between the two. Karakuri turned to her over their masters' heads. "There's no need to worry," she reassured her other self. "This is a perfectly normal aspect of the master's mid-life crisis."

Both vampires' heads snapped to look at her, McDowell's slightly redder than Evangeline's. " _ **Mid-life crisis?-!**_ "they chorused.

Karakuri blinked innocently. McDowell was slowly coming to realize there were times this might mean her servant was being guilty as sin. "Why, yes. Isn't that what it is? You have recently commissioned a mechanical aid– myself– to help you in your attempts to pursue romantic interests, you have garnered and are keeping the attentions of a younger member of your sexually preferred gender who is easily impressed by your age, maturity, prowess and experience–"

Anything else she said was cut off as a crimson blonde vampire pounced on her, grabbing the corners of her mouth and tugging. " _ **I am NOT having a mid-life crisis, you crazy robot! I don't have a mid-life to have a crisis about!**_ "

"As you say, master," Karakuri said, voice slightly warped by the fact her cheeks were being pulled.

Evangeline and Chachamaru stared at the byplay, the robot holding one hand to her cheek.

"I wonder when I may acquire such realistic skin coverings?" she said.

"I need to get out of here soon," Evangeline muttered. Those mid-life crisis comments had hit too close to home…

* * *

 

"You have a very pretty place here," Nodoka complimented as she, Yue and Haruna settled down, rummaging through the clothes the Faculty had lent them for the duration of their stay. Yue scowled a bit at the underwear she had been given, not finding it her type at all, but still said nothing.

"Thanks. I guess your Misora doesn't have half a cool room as this, right?" Kasuga boasted, plopping down on her couch with a smug smile as Cocone went over to the small kitchen to prepare dinner.

Haruna looked at the smaller sister in training, then smirked, saying, "No, but then again, she doesn't seem to have the presence of mind to let Cocone-chan do the decorating. It's pretty much _all_ the housekeeping our Misora does…"

"Hey, I pull my weight around here, too!" Misora claimed. "Right, Cocone-chan?"

"Sometimes," the soft voice came from the kitchen.

"Give me a break!" her partner complained. "I come home tired from hard days at the church *and* the track team!" She shook her head, addressing the librarians again. "Great kid, but doesn't appreciate everything I do for her..."

"Uh-huh," Haruna nodded, still smirking. Misora had an uneasy feeling she was the butt of some sort of private joke.

"Kasuga-san..." Nodoka shyly voiced.

"Yeah, Miyazaki-chan?"

"Hm, then, is it true you were the second girl ever to kiss Negi-sensei here…?"she asked nervously, twiddling her fingers together.

"First one, actually, kinda," Misora reminisced. "Before Chisame got to make her Pactio with him, I kissed him on the forehead once..."

"That doesn't count!" Haruna said.

"A kiss is a kiss!" Misora countered.

Then the tallest librarian chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Kasuga asked her.

"Well, our Misora was **never** so interested in Negi-kun!" Paru gave her a definitely evil look.

Misora blushed and backed away just a bit. "I'm not... I mean, really? Then how did she get her Pactio?"

Yue and Haruna simply pointed to the kitchen. After a split second, Nodoka half-heartedly copied their action.

Misora's right eyebrow jumped up and down a few times. "... With Cocone-chan?"

The three of them nodded.

"Your Artifact, while similar to hers, seems to grant you quite a bit more speed," Nodoka pondered. "I suppose it must be because Negi-sensei has more magical power to draw from..."

"What is your Artifact, Nodoka-chan?" Misora asked, to take her mind away from the rather awkward notion of kissing Cocone.

"Oh, I haven't shown it to you yet, have I? In the heat of battle, I guess there wasn't enough time for you to notice it..." she whispered _Adeat_ and brought her Diarium Ejus into existence. Misora noticed how her power activation, unlike theirs, didn't involve a complete full-frontal nudity transformation sequence.

"Cool. How does it work?" Kasuga pressed on.

"Well, you see, it's..." Nodoka flipped it open and casually looked at a page, Misora's thoughts appearing on it before Miyazaki could even think on how to explain it.

_Crap, this Honya-chan seems to have gotten far with Negi-kun! Maybe our Honya-chan can be a threat, too!_

"Ahh..." Nodoka suddenly lost her voice, staring straight at the book, her cheeks flushing pink.

_Playing the cute and harmless part in public, but she can obviously totally kick ass! She can be a dangerous rival for love! And my counterpart left her with a free path to do anything she wants? I'm going to have to be better than that!_

Yue and Haruna looked over her shoulders, reading Misora's thoughts as well. Paru whistled.

_What are they reading there? Is it an oracular book? That must be! They're reading my future, and they're speechless because they know I'm the one who gets Negi-kun!_

Yue looked sternly at her and said, "It's not an oracular book."

Misora blinked, then went completely white in an instant. She angrily shielded her head with her hands. "S-Stay out of my mind, you…privacy rapists!"

"S-S-Sorry! I didn't mean to!" Nodoka quickly closed the book shut.

Haruna chuckled, patting Misora's right shoulder. "Don't worry too much! You still have a good edge over our counterparts! All you need to do is to make good use of it!"

Yue stared at her. "Haruna, don't you cause enough damage messing with _our_ personal lives? Must you do it to people from other universes, too?"

A shrug. "Hey, my supporting crusade only involves you two! If the Nodoka and Yue of this world get left behind, that's their own fault, I say! Serves them right for not having as good and useful a Haruna as you have!"

"Then you will... you would... help me?" Misora helplessly squealed. "Really? Against your own kind?"

"Variety is the spice of life," Haruna lectured. "And the less your Nodoka's chances are, the bigger our Nodoka's chances will be. That's the cosmic balance at work!"

"Oh, that's just crap!" an annoyed Yue groaned.

"I feel like I'm stabbing myself in the heart..." Nodoka said, drooping.

But, if Haruna really did have a point about the whole universes balancing each other thing... Plus, Misora was giving them her hospitality, and they should do something for her... Plus, that whole balancing thing...!

"Well, awesome!" Misora said, brightening as she slapped Haruna on the back. "Thank goodness you're working _with_ me. Hah! With your help and future experience of Negi-kuns vulnerabilities, I'm a cinch to end up with him!"

"This feels so wrong…" Nodoka repeated.

"I'd mention this is child-grooming and illegal as hell," Yue said. "But we stopped caring about that a _long_ time ago…"

Cocone returned, bearing a small tray laden with some snacks, proving she was a better host than Misora. "Here," she said quietly.

"Thank you, Cocone-chan!" the others chorused, each grabbing a small mouthful.

Cocone knelt, her usual bland expression turning to Yue. "You said that your Misora isn't interested in Negi-kun. Why not? If she's anything like this Misora…"

The three librarians exchanged looks. Haruna's grin widened. "Well, it's a funny story…"

"No, Paru," Yue said sternly.

"You need to let them decide their path on their own!" Nodoka said.

"You see, the reason Misora isn't interested in Negi-kun is because she's in love with someone else!" Haruna declared. "Someone she's described as the love of her life! They've been dating exclusively and doing naughty things to each other for some time now!"

Yue leaned towards Nodoka. "I'll use a disarming spell on her, you drop another stack of books on her head."

"Don't you dare!" Misora cried. "This is juicy! Besides, it doesn't hurt to have a back-up plan! Who is it? "

"Oh, it was absolutely romantic!" Haruna cried, grinning. That should have warned Misora. Saotome Haruna _never_ used the word 'romantic' for anything good. "They were thrown together by circumstance and had to depend on each other through life's little difficulties. Eventually, they ended up in bed together–"

"Liking this," Misora grinned. Heck, it was practically a leer.

"– and spent night after night is each other's passionate embrace!" Haruna continued, really getting into it. "Then, one night, as they lay in bed, Misora's lover popped the question, and asked her to be their Ministra Magi!"

Misora blinked in confusion as Cocone slowly turned to stare at Haruna. "Wait… I thought your Misora's Pactio was with Cocone?"

Haruna just kept grinning at her.

For the second time that night, Misora paled.

"In their defense, they make a cute couple," Nodoka said into the sudden hush.

"And Misora actually did the responsible thing and promised they wouldn't do anything until Cocone was 13 and legal," Yue said. "Then all bets are off."

Misora twitched.

Haruna passed a hand before Misora's eyes. The runner didn't react. "Hah! Broke another one! That never gets old."

Cocone frowned slightly, turning to Nodoka. "Was any of that true?"

Nodoka squirmed. "Well, allowing for Haruna's exaggerations… every word."

Cocone blinked slowly. Then, just as slowly, she turned to regard Misora. Within her heart, blue light flickered.

"You're going to burn for this," Yue told Haruna. "You know that, right?"

"I'm on a mission for love!" Haruna cried. "AS they say, love conquers all!"

_A universe away, Daidouji Tomoyo frowned, and wondered why she felt like she should sneeze…_

* * *

 

The red-headed boy stared out of his window again, somewhat nervously.

"Something wrong, Shirou-kun?" his roommate said calmly from where he sat studying diligently for the next term's tests.

He shook his head with some reluctance. "Nothing, Issei... I think. Just had a weird feeling, like someone was watching me..."

Issei lifted his head up and stared in the same direction, then shrugged casually, returning to his reading. "You've just been paranoid lately."

"I can't help it," Shirou groaned, resting his face on his right palm. "I've simply been feeling like there's something bad coming up."

A block of distance away, Kuro sat back on the branch of the tree she was at and breathed deeply, relaxing her eyes from long-range targeting mode, letting the Reinforcement wane. "Oh, Oniichan... You really need a good woman in your life. A dear little sister to save you from... that guy's softly, slowly penetrating aura of he-wifeness..."

* * *

 

At the McDowell house, things were getting… interesting.

Chachamaru felt a prickle of apprehension as she looked between her master and her master's doppelganger, who were both glaring at each other. Evangeline had– reluctantly– allowed the other shinso to borrow one of her night clothes, one of the sheer, filmy, transparent ones that made stockings seem opaque. The other had worn it, but only after glaring at _her_ Chachamaru and quite loudly proclaiming that she'd always worn things like this to sleep, and this was in no way indicative of any such delusions of a mid-life crisis the gynoid saw. Now, however, they'd reached a serious problem.

The cabin only had one bed.

"This is _**MY**_ house!" Evangeline roared.

"You want me to crush your powerless little ass?" McDowell snapped back, power crackling around her hands.

"Hey, there are _rules_ to this sort of thing! You respect your host!"

"Screw the rules, _**I'M A FRICKIN' CHEAT CODE!**_ "

"You'd stoop to using cheat codes?" Evangeline said, aghast. " _ **I DON'T KNOW YOU!**_ "

"Game. Genie!" McDowell enunciated.

"I-I was lured by false advertising! And that has nothing to do with this! Get the hell out of my room!"

"Yeah, right! You and whose army?-!"

"Chachamaru! To me!"

"Chachamaru! Lock Al-Iskandariya onto this location! Maximum power!"

Chachamaru opened her mouth, but suddenly a bluetooth message came on over her comm net. She changed what she was about to say. "I'm sorry but unable to comply."

"Master identification protocols compromised," Karakuri said smoothly on top of her. "Both present subjects are 99.9 percent matches for master. Identification confusion fail safes have cut in. Unable to participate in combat."

"Damn Chao's crappy programming!" Evangeline cried. McDowell, however looked in the mirror– where she was quite stubbornly _not_ invisible– to give her servant a level "Oh, that's BULLSHIT!" look. Innocent looks ensued.

Evangeline's eyes glinted, and she charged, taking advantage of the momentary opening. McDowell gave a yelp of surprise as one wrist was wrapped by ultra-fine wires and she was flung as if thrown. A knife hidden behind a bookcase snapped to Evangeline's hand, propelled by another wire, but McDowell had broken free and she wheeled, catching the blade in her palm, the knife piercing through the pale skin holding it in place as blood flowed from the wound.

With a growl, McDowell spun, pushing off. She body-slammed Evangeline into a wall, stunning the weakened vampire. Gravity took hold, and they slammed onto the bed, the springs creaking as she ripped the knife out of Evangeline's hand, tossing it carelessly to one side. She licked the blood on her hand, beginning to smile, only to grunt as a fist slammed into her stomach. Growling, fangs at extension, McDowell leaned forward, and Evangeline gave a cry as teeth pierced her neck. She flailed, clutching at her attacker's shoulders as McDowell, with practiced movements of long experience, clamped her legs around her victim's to keep her from kicking.

Both paused fractionally as they felt the smooth, smooth skin under their hands.

Blood trickled down Evangeline's neck.

A moment later, the frenzy renewed itself, hands and feet flailing.

Karakuri turned and began to walk out of the room. A second later, her double followed, drawing the curtains as she passed. They shut the door behind them. Two fragile and torn pieces of cloth fluttered to the floor.

A moment later, the moaning and swearing started…

* * *

 

The younger Chisame emerged from behind her dresser, giving the other Negi, who had been sitting with his counterpart reading through the latter's books, hoping to find a clue on how to get back the stranded Ala Alba to their world, a look. "Hey, you. They _have_ cured you of your sleepwalking habits, haven't they?"

Magus Erebus squirmed in place, forcing an awkward smile and looking aside. "Well, as a matter of fact... I mostly got over it at... the latest trip we had..."

"Then fell squarely back into the habit as soon as we returned," Asuna said bluntly.

"Figures," the native Chisame snorted.

Hakase peeked down from the upper bunk. "Do you reside with Asuna-san, Springfield-sensei?" she asked, already getting used to addressing the alternate teacher through his family name to avoid confusion with her roommate.

"Yes, and with Konoka-san," the more experienced Negi said. He reached for the other Negi's notes, flipping through them again. "It's interesting, how some details are the same, but others are so different. At our world, both of you have separate rooms of your own, Chisame-san, Hakase-san."

"You have a whole room to call your own?" Chisame gave her other self a wide-eyed look. "No joke?"

"Well, it's not exactly that private anymore..." the other Chisame conceded reluctantly. "It seems there's always someone– like a certain green-haired ensouled robot who can't take 'leave me alone!' for an answer– nosing in at any given moment and dragging me off to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what." She pointed at her Negi. "You realize that's doing absolutely no good, right? Heck, not even… where we had our last trip… has anything on alternate universes beyond fictional stories and maybe hearsay from the Nasurians. What exactly are you hoping to find?"

"My heart's with you," her younger counterpart sympathized.

Erebus blushed. "I don't know. Just displacement activity, I guess. This is all my–"

"So help me, if you _dare_ try to say this was your fault, I'm going to have Chitose come out of the bathroom and shoot you repeatedly," the older Chisame snapped. Her counterpart raised an eyebrow at that. It didn't sound like an idle threat. "Besides, if anything, this was Hakase's fault. _She's_ the idiot that decided to leave an active time-space warping experiment involving a frickin' _BLACK HOLE_ unsupervised."

There was a brief silence. Hakase mentally promised to remind herself to be more careful in the laboratory, then promptly forgot about it, her mind turning to something that had been gnawing at her.

"My counterpart must be a very solitary person," Hakase mused.

"Huh?" both Negis chorused.

She shrugged casually. "Well, I only have to think back of the days before Chisame, and then Negi-sensei, moved in. Back then, I had nothing in my life but my research, and some marginal interaction at the Chao Bao Zi. Thinking of following that path for years... I suppose it has made her a highly isolated woman, hasn't it?"

"Well, she ain't THAT bad..." Asuna scratched the back of her head. "I mean, she's pretty popular on open-mic night at the Chao Bao Zi…And she'd had a lot of admirers since she posed for those swimsuit pictures for the University Laboratory Newsletter a couple of months ago… And she's been dating Sakurako of all people for a year now. Absurd, huh? I'm sure you'd never even thought it was possible...!" she laughed.

But the resident Chisame, Satomi and Chamo only stared mutely at her. For once, Asuna understood quickly. "So you guys too, huh..."

" _Really_ swimsuit pictures?" the younger Chisame said, mind boggling at the concept.

"I think she lost a bet with Chachamaru," Asuna said.

"Chachamaru?-!" Hakase exclaimed, surprised.

"She has a very subtle way of getting revenge on people," Asuna said. Hakase made another note, and this one was slightly longer-lasting.

"We are only starting to see if... we have enough things in common for a..." Hakase looked nervously at 'her' Negi,"... a, let's say, highly close relationship on a level reaching beyond mere friendship, to develop..."

Calculator Chisame looked incredulously at Hakase's flushed face and then at her own younger alternate self. The other Chisame shrugged and nodded a single time. Calculator-Chisame allowed her eyebrows to quiver a bit. This world was actually crazier than her own. Not a reassuring thought at all.

Made all much worse when the other Chisame yawned, stretched up her arms, and climbed into the upper bunk, helping 'their' Negi to ease down between herself and a too-welcoming Hakase. Then the young Hasegawa looked down at the others. "You can have the lower bunk. We'll have preparations to make for the class trip tomorrow, so please try to go to sleep soon, okay?"

Calculator-Chisame scowled. One side of her face twitched. "You don't even bother with putting him in the futon, at least?"

The other Chisame grunted in resignation, wrapping her covers around herself even as the smaller Negi shyly eased himself against her back. "What's the point? If we do that, he just wakes me up at midnight anyway, so I prefer to let him have his way from the start and just enjoy a good night's sleep."

Asuna nodded sagely. "Pretty much. I'm impressed; it took me almost a year to figure it out myself."

The older Chisame's grimace grew. The twitching got worse.

"Good night," her identical stranger reached for the remote control of the lights and plunged the room into darkness, then plopped down closing her eyes.

The Ala Alba Negi coughed uneasily. "I... I can always try to stay on the futon..."

Asuna sighed and began dragging him to the bed. "Forget it. When in Rome..."

Calculator stared at them getting comfortable in the lower bunk. She looked at the discarded futons. "Oh, screw this," she growled, piling the futons on top of each other. She angrily threw herself on the bedding, wrapping her blanket around herself. "You're all nuts, you know that!"

"Oh, pipe down, Chisame," Asuna said.

"Yes, we are trying to rest. There are preparations to be made tomorrow," Hakase agreed.

"I'm just saying, you're not doing those two any favors, making them think it's that easy to get into a girl's bed," Calculator said, turning around to a more comfortable position.

"It's nothing like that!" the younger Chisame snapped. For crying out loud, this girl was annoying. Didn't she ever stop? "Honestly, must you read so much into it?"

"What do you mean, 'get into a girls bed'?" the younger Negi asked, sounding confused. "It's no harder to get into than any other bed. I mean, compared the bed I used to sleep in, it's even easier. That one had railings all around it so I wouldn't fall off when I was younger."

"Ask your mother!" Asuna snapped out of reflex.

There was a moment of silence.

Calculator sighed. "No Asuna, that's what we say to _Green Lantern_ when she asks us awkward questions. For Negi, we used to just say, 'Don't think about it'."

"Don't think about it," Chisame snapped to Negi.

"But…"

"Don't think about it!" Chisame repeated, louder.

"Who's Green Lantern?" Hakase questioned, already slumping down into slumber.

"I'm sure you'll meet her soon enough," was all Asuna said.

Silence. Calculator shifted in her futon.

"Chisame-chan," Asuna said. "Are you using your Artifact in bed?"

"I'm glad Haruna's not here," Calculator said. "She'd have fun with _that_ one. Yes, as a matter of fact. I can't sleep, so I'm surfing the net."

"With your Artifact?" the younger Negi said, sounding surprised.

"Well, duh. That's what it's for. What, you think I use it to bonk people on the heads?"

"Chisame uses hers to shoot electromagnetic blasts," Hakase offered.

There was a pause. "There is no fucking justice in the world, Justice League or not."

"Oh, go to sleep, Chisame!" Asuna snapped.

At their now-forcefully shared drawer bed, the Chamos sorted through the underwear, the visiting one appreciating the quality of the undergarments.

"Like this one?" the local ermine asked. "I can tell you do! It's from Kuga Natsuki-chan. She has lovely taste in panties…"

"And this one?"

"From Kotegawa Yui, the Hall Monitor. She acts all uptight and conservative all the time, but you just look through her stash, and it'll tell you another tale…"

Albert whistled. "Boy, this place is a gold mine! Is it me, or are girls here much more daring than those at my Mahora?"

"I don't know, you tell me," Chamo chuckled, then whispered into his ear, "Have your Chisame-chan and your Satomi-chan ever…?"

"K-K-KISSED?-!-?-!"Albert yelled a moment after that, steam blowing out his ears. "Wait, I can top that! Has your Negi ever gone on a panty raid?"

" _ **WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!**_ "

And another moment after that, Chisame tossed a desk lamp at both of them.

"What happened?" Calculator sleepily asked from below.

"N-Nothing!" Chisame said while rolling back down, even as the arms of the sleeping Hakase wrapped themselves instinctively around her waist. She tried to pretend she hadn't heard that last.

Panty raid?

* * *

 

Evangeline lay back, a small, lazy smile on her face, basking in the afterglow of _**really**_ good sex. It had been a LONG time since she'd been satisfied. That Bible Black Ritual a few years ago, the occasional Shikima after Mido-sensei, and that time she'd grudgingly been 'conscripted' to participate in a honey trap to catch a sex offender for the dean had been pale in comparison to this.

Idly, she reached up to her neck, only to find the wounds had closed, the blood had dried. She sighed. Ah, well.

Strangely, the other her had been the first to fall asleep, laying cuddled against her side, clutching her torso. Evangeline tried to remember her sleeping habits. It was a bit hard, since it had been a while since she'd needed to, but she was fairly certain she'd never crushed any of her lovers to death after sex unless she'd intended to.

Looking down, she saw her other's lips were moving. Curiosity prickled at her, and she leaned down slightly to hear…

" _Pa-a-ale moon, pa-aa-ale moon,_ " McDowell seemed to sing quietly in her sleep. " _Clean-ses the si-nful and makes them a-new… Shi-ning brightly, in-the-night-sky, wai-ting for_ their _souls…_ "

Evangeline blinked. Even as she listened, the other Shinso's voice began to grow louder, still soft, but now audible.

" _Who will be born a-gain, to-ni-i-ight?"_ the other her sang, in a quite pleasant tone for a sleeping person. _"Will they be born a-gain, to-ni-i-ight?... Pa-a-ale moon, pa-aa-ale moon…"_

Evangeline listened, feeling her eyelids grow heavy as the words seemed to wash over her like a lullaby. Holding the other her close, she closed her eyes and slept, dreaming of red-haired mages…

* * *

 

**Act Five: Bring on the Bad Guys**

_The Outskirts of Kyoto_ :

Midnight.

The tall young man with the short orange hair could only think of his little sister as he advanced silently towards the door of the person he'd just been assigned to bring.

His dear sister, left back in another world, in a town ravaged by war. His reason for everything. The engine who kept him going, along with his faith in the Comrade and Lady Chigusa.

He had to think of her to spur himself to actually knock at the door.

The soft, slightly ragged and panting voice came from the inside. "Cum... Come in..."

Panting. Never a good sign with _her_ or _them_.

He pushed the door open warily, not too shocked at finding it unlocked. His fingers reached for the light switch, but it didn't work. Looking up, he noticed they had taken the light bulb out of the socket.

Again, not surprising in hindsight. They thrived in darkness, after all.

"Tsukuyomi-sama?" he called out, taking another step inside. Then he cringed, noticing the red thick liquid pooled all over the floor. The smell of spilled blood filled his nose as he made out the shapes of dead cats, gutted and open like books, all across the room, leading in a straight trail over to the bedroom. That door was half-open, giving the man, barely more than a teenager, a partial, non-detailed glimpse of the horrors within.

"Over here..." her voice hissed in short, puffing gasps. "Michael-kun..."

The thin boy clad in dark blue shuddered and thought of his sister again to encourage himself to advance. He could see the small and very pale young girl in an old fashioned black European dress, her long silvery hair falling all over her as she sat at a corner, covered in cat blood, watching with morbid fascination at a scene taking place at the other end of the room, out of Michael's current line of sight. Her BAR M1918A2machine-gun rested at her right, partially poking out of its wrapping.

"Have no fear, Michael-kun..." the panting voice of the still-unseen girl purred invitingly. "Come closer..."

He stopped right besides the door, turning his back to them, covering his nose with a hand to block the unbearable coppery smell coming from the inside, multiplied tenfold compared to that of the living room. "Lady Chigusa called," he said, his voice tingled with a soft, definitely non-Japanese accent. "We've located a major source of unknown power in the hills nearby, and she wants us to send in a search party."

"Oh," she wheezed. "Good. Good. Give us... a second here, will you, Michael-kun?" she grunted. "Rougher, Hansel-kun. Rougher," her voice came out needy, harsher. "Faster."

Michael Garret felt a thick knot in the pit of his stomach, hearing the Western-style bed creaking madly a few steps away from him. _Er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee…_

"Yes. Yes. Like that. Yes." She didn't scream, but she let it out like a triumphant muffled cry. "Ahhh. Just a second more, Michael-kun. I'll be with you right there."

"I'll be... waiting outside," he gulped and quickly stepped back toward the front door, only to slip on the blood in the darkness, falling on his face with a pained grunt. As he got up, he noticed the fully clothed creepy girl offering him a hand to stand up. Next to her, as if out of nowhere, he could see the shapes wrapped in shadows, of her nude twin, scarred all over his body in a plethora of disgusting ways, other than his face, hands and lower legs. And then there was Tsukuyomi-san, lazily covered by a thin bed sheet that didn't manage to hide any actual naughty bits, instead wrapped around her shoulders like a cape as if to frame and emphasize, her glasses messily resting on her face, somewhat skewed. All three of them were bathed in crimson.

"I'm okay!" Michael eeped, blushing as he lumbered for the door, almost jumping out like a scared animal. "Thanks! Please don't take long!"

He could hear them giggling while slamming the door behind himself, breathing heavily and thankful of escaping the chamber of horrors. Then he yelped as he felt someone else approaching him from the side, but breathed easier when he could identify the newcomer. "Oh... Oh, it's you, Inugami-san. Good evening."

"Yeah. Good evening to you, too," the younger boy greeted casually, hands in his pockets, his wool cap covering the whole top of his head, the unruly black hair peeking from under it. "The old lady already told me. You broke the news to her, I take?" he gestured with his head to the door.

Michael nodded. "Yes."

"Hnh. Shoulda let me handle it, Michael," he told him, in a rough yet kind tone. "They know better than to mess with me, but they'll eat you alive if you aren't careful."

"I'm okay. I've seen worse," he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Otherwise, I wouldn't even be here at all."

Inugami nodded, choosing not to say anything else until Tsukuyomi-san walked out to greet them, fresh from the shower, fully dressed in her habitual elegant and gorgeous dress, the hat decorating her head in a splendidly ladylike way, her soft small hands sheathing her sword. "Oh, good evening, Kotaro-kun!" she cheerfully said. "Looking very good tonight!"

"Yo," he droned, making a low key glare at the twins in black standing behind the swordsgirl. "You won't need to bring your friends. The old lady wants this to be a small, secretive operation."

"That's a shame," Tsukuyomi pouted cutely, briefly turning to peck the twins' lips. "Have a good rest, Hansel-kun, Gretel-chan. Tomorrow's going to be a big day."

They bowed at her. "Good hunting, Big Sister," the boy said, his strong Romanian accent evident.

"Bring us a souvenir if you can," his sister asked, in a softer, gentler variation of the same voice.

She ran a hand over her cheeks. "If I can, I promise I'll do it."

Michael shivered as he led the way out, his fingers adjusting the pockets of his jacket's neck as the icy night breeze greeted them all.

Fasalina-san was at the steering wheel of her large truck, a vehicle inconspicuous enough not to raise any suspicions in a casual observer. His heart beat faster when he saw her again, and her large, languid, always melancholic dark eyes met his.

Kinda beating the secrecy and discretion intended, however, Lady Chigusa stood proudly on the truck's roof, surrounded by squeaking, prancing monkeys.

"Ladies. Gentlemen," the tall busty black haired bespectacled woman in the kimono nodded once, "Glad to see you all here on time. Now let's get on the move quickly. The Gods may have just sent us a gift... and we'd better claim it while we can."

* * *

 

**Interlude:The Search, Part 1**

**Somewhere under the Nevada Desert:**

"Still no information on the whereabouts of Project Hoshino?" Lieutenant Commander Andrei Sergeivich Kalinin asked as he walked with his arms crossed behind his back.

"Negative, Sir " Commander Richard Mardukas answered quickly. "The trail we followed to Budapest ended when we discovered all our informants dead. Just in case, we have alerted all our allies to reinforce and change their security systems."

"As if that could stop Hoshino," the Russian old man shook his head a couple times. "She could find a new way in just as quickly. We need to develop a counter, fast. How is the backup project coming?"

"Well, she is... still unstable," Mardukas confessed. "She seems to have the potential to be just a brilliant as Hoshino, but... Sir, it might be for the best for you to see it yourself."

He guided him into a heavily guarded room full with both researchers taking notes and soldiers with enough weaponry to take over a small Third World country. After the loss of Hoshino, they were taking no chances.

Sitting at the end of the room, surrounded by scientists monitoring her carefully behind a thick glass wall, a thin and lanky 13 year old red-haired girl with tanned skin, barefoot and madly grinning, tapped madly on a laptop.

She sing-sang loudly and off-key.

_"Ed, the World's Best Hacker now! Ed, she'll make you go 'Wow'! Ed is so bright, and even cuter than Ruri-Ruri too! Ed, that's my name, I think! Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!"_

Kalinin's expression betrayed a short flash of concerned disgust.

"Amanda Waller has contacted us, asked to join the search for Project Hoshino, Sir," Mardukas offered helpfully.

"... Tell her we accept."

* * *

 

**Act Six: Marvel Team-Up**

_Back to Mahora Again…_

Kuro stood upon the bell tower that rose above the city, form outlined against the night sky. There were no skyscrapers in Mahora Academy. The tallest structures were the World Tree and the University Laboratories building in the outskirts. Most of Mahora was relatively low, built in a pseudo-old world European style, with most streets outside of main thoroughfares designed for walking rather than vehicles. It was kind of nice, actually, and Kuro always felt she was in some kind of theme park despite the fact the whole place was obviously being used and lived in.

Still, for all its charm, the place was populated by people. And where people gathered, there were those of dark intent… and worse, those who preyed on them, regardless of intent.

The Fate Knight allowed herself a smile. As a Hero of Justice, she couldn't let that happen, after all. And _she_ hadn't made any promises to anyone. She of all people knew what dangers nights and places like this held. Herself, for one.

She moved, leaping from building to building in a basic search pattern. While Fuyuki was her town, she'd developed an eye for reading urban sprawl. They all had, to a degree. Brightly lit, public areas wouldn't likely need her help, so she could avoid patrolling those until much later. The back alleys branching off from the most direct paths between where most of the bars were and where public transportation could be located needed to be passed through though, since drunken fights, muggings, murders, rapes, and monsters preying on the inebriated were likely to happen there. Work from the most neglected areas to the most populated and back again.

It was a calming, relaxing activity, a little bit of familiarity to occupy her body while she thought. She, unlike the others, had her own problems here. Prana for one. While she could draw power from any of them– or, worse come to worse, could start kissing people right off the street– and wasn't very worried, the reminder of the limitation quickly led her back to thoughts of her family. Back home, Illya, and occasionally Miyu, provided the bulk of her prana. Without them, she'd either have to conserve her energy or find alternate sources.

She stopped at a roof and looked down at the literal hundreds of beautiful, nubile, at-that-experimenting-stage girls all walking below her, and did the math, comparing the known maximum of the mage population and counting the probability any of those girls below was one, or at least had the capacity to be one.

Alternate sources it was, then!

As she ran, a small, indistinct noise reached her ears, and her head snapped up. The noise wasn't all that loud, and unlike her eyesight, she really hadn't bothered to Reinforce her ears: hearing was no use to an Archer, most of the time. Still, she turned and headed where she thought it was coming from, knowing it wasn't an ordinary night-time sound.

Then a second sound reached her ears, and she perked up. _This_ sound haunted her dreams more than Illya, Miyu and Shiro's orgasmic moans.

It was the sound of a sword being used in battle.

* * *

 

It had been a perfectly normal day for Rukia. Get up, get dress brush her teeth, snipe at her brother, run for school, hit Chizuru a couple of times for trying to molest her, attend class, join Kiri and Sayo for lunch, get molested by Chizuru a bit more, be serendipitously saved by Sagara Sousuke running away from Chidori Kaname wielding a paper fan and screaming something about explosives on bread, attend afternoon class, have it disrupted by Itoshiki-sensei having his class randomly pointing at people and declaring that they 'are just filler characters', finally get out of class, ditch Chizuru and Orihime, hook up with Sayo and Ichigo to go off to make already dead things even deader…

Yup, a perfectly normal day.

"AH! Rukia-chan watch out!" Sayo cried in Rukia's body, sounding so damsel-in-distress-y it made Rukia cringe slightly, the possessing ghost's fists balled in front of her face, eyes wide and hopping from foot to foot next to Ichigo.

Rukia dodged the Hollow's attack, feeling cramped in the closed confines of the alleyway. The thing was tall, thin, vaguely feminine, and its mask looked kinda like a cartoon character of some kind. Oh, and it had moving serrated blades for arms.

This was, it was turning out, to be a slightly harder fight than normal. The alley made it hard for her to swing her sword properly, and the Hollow's serrations kept catching her sword, threatening to rip it out of her hands. They were too close to inhabited areas to risk moving the fight, since it was _very_ likely the Hollow might suddenly divert its attention from her and attack someone else.

"Darn it!" Rukia growled, evading the Hollow's slashes and clumsily trying to force it away from Sayo and Ichigo "Where's that girl with the perverted sword when you need them?"

"Hey!" Ichigo said. "None of that! Just get your ass in gear and take that thing down!"

"It's harder than it looks!" Rukia cried, wincing as the thing tore at the walls in its attempt to slash her, ducking down instead of blocking. After the third time this thing had nearly ripped her sword from her, she'd learned not to let them touch. "You sure there's no flashy insta-kill wave motion sword blast you can teach me?"

"You watch too much TV!" Ichigo cried. "And eyes forward!"

"Thank you, captain obvious!" Rukia snapped back, avoiding the surprisingly intricate routine the Hollow had just executed.

"Hey, I'm no captain! I work for a living, you know!"

Suddenly, there was a blur, and something slammed into the Hollow. To Rukia, it looked vaguely like a purple tennis ball, before it exploded into a large cloud of purple gas. Immediately, the Hollow began to cough, which surprised the heck out of Rukia. She didn't know those things _did_ cough. "What the–?"

" _I am the terror that flaps in the night…_ "

The voice seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere, echoing in an eerie way and made Rukia think of stories she'd heard of some bat monster in America.

" _I am the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment that comes out of nowhere…_ "

Rukia blinked. "Wait, what?"

A figure seemed to resolve itself out of the purple gas. " _I am… THE VIGILANTE!_ "

Both Shinigami and Hollow stared.

"It's a duck," Rukia said, voice flat.

The Hollow made an indistinct growling that was likely roughly translatable to "No shit, Sherlock".

"Heh," the duck in the wide-brimmed purple Fedora, double-breasted jacket and no pants said, staring up at the Hollow, a strange gun suddenly in his hand. "I'll take care of this thing, little missy. Why don't you go home and play with your Barbie dolls, or something?"

The Hollow and Rukia seemed to exchange a look. Perhaps there were things that went past being (im)mortal enemies in the food pyramid of the after-life. Perhaps some sort of estrogen solidarity that crossed spiritual boundaries was in effect. Both could almost telepathically hear the words, "While I want to destroy you and everything you stand for, I will credit you, at least, with not being this idiot."

Vigilante pointed his gun. "Surrender!"

The Hollow kicked him across the alley, sending him whistling over Ichigo and Sayo's heads and slamming him against a wall, where he stuck.

"Right," he said. "We'll have to do this the hard way…"

Sayo in Rukia's body stared. "Is that a _duck_?"

Ichigo, for his part, was staring. "Oh, crap!" he swore. "Not one of _ **YOU**_. I hate this city!"

Vigilante glared at him. "Do I know you, kid?"

Ichigo ignored him, repeatedly slamming his head against a wall as Sayo frantically tried to stop him. "Damn. It! Damn. IT!"

"Hmm…"Vigilante said, peeling himself off the wall. "Clearly, an inferior intellect! You, innocent bystander girl!"

"M-me?" Sayo said, pointing to herself.

"Can you get yourselves out of here?" Vigilante said. "Things are about to get _dangerous_ …"

With a loud undulating cry, he charged, brandishing his fists, cape flowing dramatically behind him.

Sayo stared. There was a 'fwish!' and a 'kapow!' and a 'zing!' and an 'eeeeppppaaaa!' and finally a 'WAAAAAA-HOOOOO-HOOOOO-HOOOOO-HOOOOO- _ **SLAM!**_ '

Vigilante peeled himself from the wall again. "Hmm. A minor setback. Have at thee!"

Rukia _really_ needed someone to exchange glances with. It just didn't seem right to do it with the person you were fighting.

The situation had gotten more complicated. This 'Vigilante' was a dangerous fighter, mainly because he didn't seem to give a damn about anyone else in the battlefield. It had been all she could do to keep from being trapped in a dangerous position by his antics. The fact he'd managed to directly attack the Hollow with his fists had been overshadowed by the thought that 'kami, this thing is an idiot!'. "Hey, careful!" she called out to him as he approached, fists– and how the heck could a duck _HAVE_ fists, anyway?– clenched once more. "We need to work together here! We–"

"We'll do no such thing, girly!" Vigilante said. "This is MY city! Stay out of my way!"

_And across the world, something FINALLY made Batman sneeze…_

With that, he charged again, while Rukia hung back, wincing slightly in semi-sympathy. To her amazement, however, _this_ time Vigilante managed to avoid the slashes at him, having seemingly taken the Hollow's measure earlier. He was better at evading how, jumping and ducking under and around the slashes in a seemingly exaggerated manner, grabbing his hat out of the air whenever it got left behind. He wasn't doing any damage to the Hollow, but neither was he getting fwished, kapowed, zinged, eeee-ppppaaaaed and WAAAAAA-HOOOOO-HOOOOO-HOOOOO-HOOOOO- _ **SLAM**_ -ed around anymore.

Rukia tried to step in, aiming above the Hollow's elbows, intending to try and remove one of the blade arms, only for Vigilante to suddenly stray into her path. He'd been too low to properly register in her peripheral vision, her foot snagging on his cape. With a loud crash and a tangle of limbs that was better represented by a sudden dust cloud, the two fell in a heap in front of the Hollow. Sayo screamed, while Ichigo swore loudly, holding out his hands, trying to get his spiritual power to manifest so he could attack as the Hollow raised both arms to strike–

Rukia's life flashed before her eyes as she caught a glimpse of a pale-skinned, beautiful woman in a black kimono and, strangely, a top-hat out of the corner of her eye. A small, almost nonexistent part of her muttered the thought, _Maybe I should have gone along with Chizuru just once… after all, that way I wouldn't be dying a virgin…_

_Honsho Chizuru looked up from her copy of 'The Playbook, by Barney Stinson'. "Why do I get the feeling I could have gotten lucky…?"_

Vigilante's eyes were wide. "Oh, fooey," he said, being Disney and thus unable to swear properly.

" _ **SAILOR V KICK!**_ "

 _Something_ slammed into the back of the Hollow's head, jerking its upraised arms backward as its head and part of its upper body was slammed forward. It whirled in anger, forgetting the suddenly infinitely relieved Vigilante and Rukia (whose mind them went to capture and viciously execute the treacherous thought it had just had), who proceeded to try and extricate themselves from each other while their savior daintily landed and did a pirouette.

"Spirit of evil!" the newcomer announced, her blonde hair flaring like a curtain behind her. "Dark shadow who stalks the night, preying on the shining lives of those who dwell in this city! In the name of Truth, Love and Justice, I, the Moon Princess, who is blatantly running around in public, will punish you, in the name of Sailor V!"

Ichigo stared. The Hollow stared. Vigilante and Rukia stared.

Sayo was frowning. "Um, it's been a while, so I can't be sure about habits anymore, but… aren't people supposed to be asleep at night? Why are there so many people out?"

Ichigo, however was staring. "L-legs…"

As the Hollow shifted around for a straight battle ready stance, Sailor V also assumed a prepared stance, then coughed out of a corner of her mouth, "Ahem. Mercury?"

A reluctant voice came from the shadows. "Can't I simply strike from here?"

The Hollow jerked its head into that direction, trying to make out the shape of the person standing in the darkness.

"That won't do! I can barely see it from here! Your aim would be off!" the blonde hissed, even as Rukia, Vigilante, Ichigo and Sayo looked on with curious expectation. "Just come here and do your thing!"

There was a depressed sigh. "Very well..."

A second Sailor suited girl stepped out and into sight then, wearing a blue and white variation of Sailor V's clothes, but with tall and shiny blue boots. Her hair was long and black, and her face had a mortified, suffering expression.

As soon as she saw her, Sayo-in-Rukia's-Body had the impression she had met her somewhere else before.

The Hollow crouched down for a jump, intent on taking the unknown new factors out before tackling those it knew were no match for it. But before it could strike, the newcomer sighed, extended her outstretched hands ahead, and said, "Mercury Aqua Mist."

Then a huge burst of concentrated, compact icy mist (or would it have been more correct to say misty ice?) exploded from her hands and engulfed the Hollow whole, swallowing it into a thick cape of blurry coldness for a few moments. When it dissipated in midair, the Hollow was visible again, now paralyzed and covered by several thick layers of ice.

Vigilante's beak hit the ground.

"Waiiiiii!" Sayo squealed. "So cool...!"

Ichigo gave her a displeased side glare. "Please tell me that wasn't an attempt at a pun. No, stupid me, if it comes from you, no way could you have intended it to be a pun..."

"Mercury!" Sailor V gasped.

Sailor Mercury looked at her with some discomfort. "W-What? Did I do it wrong?"

"Of course you did! You forgot the speech!" the other Mahou Shoujo protested.

"I didn't forget it. I just... didn't want to say it," Mercury replied uneasily.

"We agreed we'd make the speech together! Mercury, the speech is a necessary part of every battle!"

"But it sounds so... lame..." Sailor Mercury squirmed.

Sayo was approaching her despite Ichigo's muttered warnings against it, eyeing her with childlike curiosity. She was sure she was someone she should be familiar with...

But Mercury was too busy withstanding V's chiding to even notice her.

"The speech isn't lame! I worked on it for days!" the blonde waved a finger at her. "And we're supposed to be emissaries of peace and love! We can't just burst in killing the monsters! We need to announce our purity of intentions, and only THEN go for the kill!"

Vigilante nodded sagely, crossing his arms as he and Rukia finally managed to untangle themselves. "She's right, you know. You can't be a proper Champion of Justice without a good introduction speech. How long have you been in this business?"

"She started last week," Sailor V spoke for her. "I'm still teaching her the ropes."

"Oh, it's always so hard, to deal with newbies," the Servant sympathized, shaking his head. "How is she handling the secret identity?"

"Rather well so far, but then again, it's easy for her since she's the few words type..."

"Oh, that explains the reluctance to do speeches. Have you tried giving her public speaking lessons?"

"Hadn't thought of it, but it's a good idea... And she didn't even yell her attack!"

Sailor Mercury sighed and called for Sayo-in-Rukia's-Body. "Excuse me..."

"Y-Yes?"

"Could you tell me what time it is, please?" she asked softly.

Sayo looked at Rukia's wristwatch. "10:00 P.M."

The tall, shapely girl made a brief despaired sound. Ako would be sick worried by now, especially considering the… _incident_ …from earlier today. She'd better think of a really good new excuse…

"Imbeciles," Ichigo groaned, then pointed at the frozen Hollow. "Hey, girl! Destroy it while it's immobile!"

"Yes!" She stepped before it, readied her sword... and then stopped in mid-swing. "Wait! What if I only break the ice and set it free?"

Ichigo huffed, trying to hold on to the last vestiges of his patience. "Then what do you suggest? Putting it into an icebox, burying it under ten feet of concrete and forgetting about it?"

Rukia stared at him with huge round eyes.

"Oh my God," he snapped. "Don't tell me you **really** thought about it!"

"It was only a passing idea..." she apologized lamely.

But then, without any sounds or motions of warning, the ice shattered from the inside, exploding in all directions, and the Hollow broke free with a roar of fury.

"We should have brought that icebox while we still could!" Rukia backed away, readying her blade again.

"Bring two," Ichigo deadpanned. "I want to get buried in the second one. Even if we win."

The Hollow's mask quivered slightly, as if its face was twitching uncontrollably underneath it. Then with a sudden enraged howl as if a _really_ bad day had just come to a head, it attacked Sailor Mercury, arms slashing wildly and indiscriminately, tearing at the walls.

The girl gave a surprised yelp but jumped back with a grace and coordination that made Rukia envious. She dodged the Hollow's attacks, though she seemed to be having difficulty doing so. Several times she only managed to dodge at the absolute last nanosecond, despite the fact it was hard to miss seeing a giant monster more than ten feet tall. Unless…

 _She can't see it properly,_ Rukia remembering what Sailor V had said. _Could it be her spiritual power isn't strong enough to let her make it out?_

The realization gave her a frantic edge, and she clutched her sword as she dashed at the Hollow's exposed back, leaping at it with blade held high.

The blade dug deep into the Hollow's back, eliciting a roar of pain and scoring Rukia her first decisive attack of the battle. The Hollow whirled with surprising speed, an arm blade leading. Rukia, her blade still in the Hollow's back, felt it stuck fast even as it began to be wretched from her hands, leaving her no way to block.

There was a snap like a gunshot, and suddenly _something_ wrapped tight around her forearms, instantly growing taut as she was tugged back with inhuman force, ripping her and her sword out of the way of the Hollow's counter attack. Rukia flew back to Vigilante's feet, the Servant, Ichigo and Sayo dropping the line they'd used to pull her out of the way as Sailor V closed in again, aiming for the Hollow's legs while Sailor Mercury tried to blast it with another Aqua Mist. It was prepared now, however, managing to dodge the freezing cloud. It cried out as Vigilante landed on its back, hammering at its head and wound, using the butt of his Gas Gun as a cudgel. The Hollow lunged backwards, trying to slam the duck into a wall, but the caped figure nimbly ran up the wall and out of the way, making the Hollow hurt itself as it slammed its own wound against the wall.

"Hah!" Vigilante cried as he landed on a thankfully-closed dumpster, turning and posing, somehow getting his cape to flare majestically behind him despite the lack of wind. "Clearly, this dumb brute is no match for the cunning and wit of Da–!"

The Hollow slashed violently, making Vigilante scream like a girl and duck (no pun intended), the blade passing between his head and his hat and digging into the wall of the much-abused alley.

"I think she's pissed at you," Sailor V commented. "We girls don't like it when you talk about us like we're boys."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "How do you know it's a girl Hollow?"

"It's a girl," Sailors V and Mercury, Rukia and Sayo all chorused.

"It certainly wants to kill me like an ex-girlfriend," Vigilante confirmed, hiding behind a trashcan.

The Shinigami looked at it. "Sorry, I don't see it."

"I've known boys like that," Sailor V muttered. Sayo, Sailor Mercury, Rukia and the Hollow and nodded in commiseration.

Then they went back to trying to kill each other.

The Hollow made another spirited (again, no pun intended) lunge at Sailor V, once more exposing its back to Rukia. Sailor V, still unable to see the Hollow properly, never the less realized this, and tried to keep the Hollow occupied while making sure it's attention was away from Mercury, hoping the other Senshi would be able to repeat her immobilizing shot as she set Rukia up for another back attack. Rukia charged in, trying to be as quiet as possible, launching herself off a hapless Vigilante's head as the latter stepped out from behind his trashcan and tried to draw a bead on the Hollow with his Gas Gun.

The Hollow whirled while Rukia was in midair, catching her sword in both its blades, twisting like a triple-jointed contortionist as it moved one of its feet over its head to kick her into the ground, again on top of Vigilante.

"I'm sensing a pattern here…" he muttered from beneath her. "Do I look like Daffy Duck to you?"

The Hollow stabbed through the dumpster with one of its arms, awkwardly twisting its body around and sending the heavy bulk flying…catapulting it straight at a frozen and helpless Sailor Mercury.

" _ **NO!**_ " Sailor V cried, even as Ichigo futilely tried to gather his power again as Sayo screamed…

The sound of metal ringing on metal filled the alley.

Sailor Mercury stared at the literal wall of enormous swords that had blocked and in some cases sliced and perforated the dumpster that had been flying at her, leaving it suspended in midair, slowly slipping off the blades mere feet from her face. Dimly, she found herself thinking how grateful she was that she hadn't ended up losing control of her bladder.

"W-what?" Sailor V said.

"How–?" Rukia said, pushing herself off the ground.

Vigilante found himself looking up, up towards the roofline, barely scowling now at what he found. "Oh, joy. Another little girl amateur in my city…"

At the edge of the roof stood a small, shadowed outline, its slimness and size proclaiming it a girl. She stood, posed, her divided cape flapping dramatically behind her with the wind, holding what looked like a shining, glistening flower in her hands.

"Creature of darkness born of evil," she said, her voice high-pitched and definitely that of a child, "you stand before the moonlight naked of your protections! Be judge by my righteous swords, and know either salvation or damnation! My body is under the dominion of righteousness, by fate lies upon the edge of my blade! I am a warrior for the virtues of all Heavens! I am the guard against the evils of all hells! Through the seven heavens, by the three shining virtues, mine are the hands that protect the balance!"

Suddenly, she cast out her hand, the flower she'd been holding flying straight and true, slamming into the concrete ground of the alley and sticking. Up close, they could see it was a detailed rose, it's petals, leaves, stem and thorns made of dozens on miniscule swords. "In the name of Truth, Love and Justice, I am Magical Girl Black Archer, survivor of Heaven's Feel and Fated Knight of Fuyuki! By the will of Akasha, I am you doom!"

Silence.

Sayo stared wide-eyed as Ichigo felt his jaw nearly hit the floor at the speech. "S-SUGOI!" the girl gushed.

Sailor V and Vigilante frantically scribbled on stiff white cards they'd both suddenly acquired, both raising the finished boards. Both bore a perfect ten.

"Excellent voice control and usage of contrasting words for maximum effect!" Sailor V said.

"Brilliant introduction and timing, dramatic follow through, good use of props, and bonus points for the dramatic rescue," Vigilante nodded in approval.

The Hollow twitched, looking like her headache just got worse.

And that was when Vigilante managed to shoot another gas pellet right into its head.

The Hollow turned in surprise, but before it could attack, in convulsed, choking and coughing in utter defiance of, for one thing, its lack of the necessary anatomy to be affected. With a cry, Sailor V, Black Archer and Rukia all charged, having the presence of mind to hold their breaths as they entered the purple cloud. Rukia slashed low, dismembering one of the Hollow's legs while Sailor V kicked the other out from under it. The Hollow fell with a howl as Black Archer landed lightly before it, arms out to either side, hands open. With a cry of " _Trace, ON!_ ", swords suddenly appeared in her hands, beautiful, glowing things that were as much artwork as weapons of war. They blurred in the girl's hands, and the Hollow screamed as its last remaining leg was impaled into the ground, one of its arms following suit, pierced through the upper arm. The girl held her arms out again, and another pair of swords appeared, then blurred as they too were thrown with impossible speed and force, on slamming into the thing above the Hollow's missing foot, the other pinning its other arm.

"Loud, isn't it?" Black Archer said nonchalantly, another sword appearing in her hands. "Anything I need to worry about killing these things? They don't explode, do they? Turn to acid? Rise up from the grave all sparkly?"

Everyone shuddered at the last suggestion.

"You can't kill it!" Ichigo said, struggling forward. "At least, not that way. _She_ has to do it!" He pointed at Rukia.

Black Archer raised an eyebrow behind her, they suddenly noticed, black domino mask, but made a courtly-looking bow and gestured to Rukia gallantly, as if generously deferring some sort of honor of her. Gripping her sword, her forearms still burning slightly from the ropes that had been tied around them to pull her out of the way, Rukia bought down her sword.

And that was that.

"Well, that was kinda anti-climactic," Black Archer said, the sword in her hands disappearing. "Or was I just too late?" Up close, it was even more apparent how small and young she was, making her casual handling of the weapons she'd wielded chilling, at least to Rukia. "What was that, anyway? It didn't look like an Invader. Wrong body type, and too big to be a single unit."

"A Hollow," Rukia answered instinctively, dropping slightly now that the rush of battle was over. "They're… evil spirits, essentially. What happens when a human soul stays on Earth too long and gets corrupted."

"Oh, one of _those_ kind of deals," Black Archer said, nodding knowingly. "That's personally never made much sense to me. I mean, I know at least one ghost who's perfectly nice and doesn't go around going all Sadako on people, and I've heard of another one up in the Himalayas. Nanpa-something or other."

"Nanda Parbat," Ichigo corrected. Rukia and Soya looked at him. "What?"

"Yes!" Sailor V cried, posing, fingers spread in a V. "Once more, the forces of evil are defeated by the beautiful warriors of Love and Justice!"

Vigilante snorted. "Ex- _cuse_ me, but some of us prefer the word 'handsome'. Or 'dashing'. 'Sexy as hell' is also acceptable." Black Archer nodded in agreement.

"To what, a furry fanatic?" Ichigo muttered under his breath.

"I heard that!" Vigilante cried, whirling dramatically, cape slapping into Rukia's face. "I have the ears of a Bird Of Prey! Except, you know, none of the cool Gail Simone-esque lesbian sexual-subtext."

"I wasn't aware ducks were considered a bird of prey," Ichigo said, folding his arms and glaring at Vigilante.

"I take it you guys don't know each other," Black Archer said. "First meeting?"

"Kind of," Rukia said, scowling at Vigilante and rubbing her face where the surprisingly painful cape had hit.

Black Archer nodded. "Well, does this mean we all get into some kind of fight because of a misunderstanding before flying off to tackle the big bad?"

"Huh?" Rukia and the Senshi said, staring at her.

"Hey, it's the way people like us work," Black Archer said, already stepping back and spreading her hands. "We meet, a fight starts at the drop of a hat, we beat on each other while expounding on our personal philosophies and why the other person's sucks, we grudgingly set aside our differences to try and solve the immediate problem, and at the end we go our separate ways saying we never want to have to see the other again, all rendered to crappy Rob Liefeld Art."

Vigilante was nodding. "Yup, that's usually how it goes. Um, or so I've heard. I'm not a crossovery person."

Black Archer turned to him, mouth opening to reply… and froze, looking at him up and down, suddenly growing tense. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me," she said, stepping back, a sword suddenly appearing in either hand. They were identical, except one was black, the other white. "What kind of second-rate, botched-summoning Servant are _you_ supposed to be? The Vigilante? That's not even a proper Class!"

Vigilante was instantly alert, Gas gun in hand and pointing at her as the others hastily shied back. "Who are you calling a second-rate botched summoning Servant?-! Wait a minute… my cunning detective brain has finally pierced the clues. The only way you could know that is… BY DISNEY! That must mean you're… ARCHER!"

"Um, didn't she say so when she introduced herself?" Sayo tried to helpfully point out.

"Hah! I see your plan now!" Vigilant continued, undaunted. "You hoped to gain my trust, then ambush me when my guard was down, thus easily removing me from the War! Well, it won't work!"

Black Archer's eyes widened. "'War'?" she said. "As in 'Holy Grail', that kind of War?"

Vigilante looked smug. "Now who's botched? What kind of two-bit summoner called _you_ , when you came not even knowing that?

"Um…"Sailor Mercury said. "I don't want to interrupt, but…"

The two turned towards her. "WHAT?-!" they demanded.

She jerked, but kept her resolve. "It's just that my wristwatch thingy is saying its sensors are picking up people on their way…"

Rukia swore. "Crap! I can't get caught! Onii-chan will flay me alive! Then he'll _stop_ being nice! Retreat!" She sheathed her sword and grabbed Sayo-in-her-body, picking up the startled girl and slinging her over her shoulder in preparation for making a run for it.

"Hey!" Black Archer called out.

Rukia paused momentarily, turning instinctively to see what it was about, only to have a small piece of cloth slam into her face. She clumsily caught it in one hand, nearly dropping Sayo, who yelped. Sighing, Ichigo took the ghost playing doppelganger and slung her over _his_ shoulder. Rukia looked at the thing in her hand. It was actually three pieces of cloth, each a slightly oval piece of stiff material, with two eyeholes. Domino masks.

"Not a good idea to be running around with your faces uncovered if you plan on being a magical girl without any kind of identity concealing magic," Black Archer said, sounding almost mentorly. "Some gum will help that stick to your face. Ask the theater club, they'll know where to buy."

"Don't scrimp, the cheap stuff just falls off your face in an hour," Vigilante agreed. Rukia was surreally amused to note they were still fully prepared to attack each other. "Though I suggest a mask that ties around your head. Less likely to fall off, and you can stick lockpicks and spare change under it."

"And learn to show leg, girl," Sailor V said, adding her own two cents. "Keeps people too distracted to really get a good look at your face. Slit the sides of those things, maybe open your top up a little. Flaunt your gifts! Take advantage of what god gave you! Bounce!"

Rukia flushed, but pocketed the masks and she, Sayo and Ichigo made their escape.

Vigilante and Black Archer locked eyes again, and the latter leapt up to the roof from a standing start, blurring with speed as she disappeared into the night.

The three left behind eyed each other warily.

"This is MY city," Vigilante said warningly. "Stay out of trouble."

Sailor V posed. "As beautiful Sailor-suited Warriors of Love and Justice, we can't do that."

Vigilante tugged down on the brim of his hat dramatically, finally lowering his Gas Gun. "Then I'll be watching you…" he said, disappearing as he shifted to pure spirit form…

…only to reappear a moment later, pulling out the same white card with the 10 on it. "Um, can you sign this? I sort of promised my, uh, niece…"

Some distance away, Kuro suddenly laughed. "Whatta you know," she said to herself, chuckling. "We ended up fighting at the drop of a hat after all…"

A few second later, a rose struck the ground. "Vile monster!" Tuxedo Kamen declared. "Victimizing the innocents of this…–?-!-?-!-?-! What the heck? Am I… _**Did I actually miss everything?-!-?-!-?-!-?**_ **"**

* * *

 

**Act Seven: The Tainted Moon**

**The mountains near Kyoto**

The wolf boy sniffed the air carefully. His furry ears twitched twice. "This way."

"We know, Inugami-san," Michael Garrett said patiently as the device he held between his hands beeped louder and louder. Honestly, people with magical or metahuman powers tended to think so highly of themselves. As if only they could ever do anything at all.

"Is anyone else having this won-der-ful feeling we're walking right into a deadly trap?" Tsukuyomi-san asked cheerfully, her fingers tapping a happy rhythm on her sword's sheath. "Oh, I hope it's something grisly and very big, so it can bleed all over the place. This cave's so black and sad, it could use some merry colors!"

The cavern, indeed, seemed even deeper and darker than the last time Kotaro had been there, on scouting duty to make sure there were no obstacles near their camp. The wolf boy's nose twitched again, now catching a faint smell of red hot scorched ground, just as he felt the rocks under their feet becoming warmer and warmer. "What the hell's going on here?" he grumbled.

Michael checked his instruments again. "The deeper we walk, the stronger this residual energy becomes. I can't identify exactly what kind of energy it is, but it seems to bear a faint similarity to the kind of magical emanations found around active Gateports. Very faint."

"Do you mean someone has managed to open a Gateport here?" Lady Chigusa asked, paper charms twirling with controlled nervousness between her slim fingers. "You should have told us earlier! Tsukuyomi may be right; the only ones with a motive to transport themselves here, other than us, are those who would try to stop us."

"I couldn't identify it before we reached this point," the young man apologized. "And besides, I'm still not sure it is any residual trace from a jump. Unless it was a malfunction, which is always a possibility, mind, there's no point, other than maybe secrecy, in attempting to jump deep inside a cavern. It'd make the jump far more unstable and potentially dangerous, since extremely closed spaces tend to interfere with dimensional displacement. That's why Gateports are usually built in relatively open areas."

"Yeah. The smell grows stronger the further we go," Kotaro mumbled, hoping they could get at least a good fight out of this boring stroll. His animal senses made the darkness much more bearable for him than it was for his partners, but the mere boredom of the past few weeks was driving him insane. "And the ground gets hotter, too. This part of the cave... wasn't here before. Something just blew it far deeper into the hill."

"That seems a fitting diagnosis," Michael nodded. "Whatever it was, it had a gigantic power. It's a wonder we didn't notice it sooner!"

Chigusa's eyes sparkled with interest behind her glasses. "A gigantic power, eh...?"

"It had to be. Wimps don't drill big ass caves like this into tons of solid rock, Obaa-san," the wolf boy grinned insolently.

"Watch your language, child," the woman spat venomously.

"Sorry, Obaa-san!" he chuckled. "I won't say this cave is as big ass as your big flabby butt ever again!"

"It's not flabby!" Tsukuyomi quickly said before Chigusa could shout a storm of abuse at Kotaro. "I've... casually... watched her bathing, and it's nothing short of glor—"

"Could you remember we're supposed to be on a serious mission here?" Michael grew annoyed. Thankfully, Fasalina-san had stayed at the entrance, he told himself. He could never be at ease whenever she was around those... monsters.

Then Kotaro tensed. "Right over there!"

Before anyone else could react, he jumped ahead like a striking wild animal, hopping all over the place in a zig-zagging dash, reminding Michael of a beast hunting for a prey while attempting to avoid any possible counterattack. Then Kotaro stopped dead on his tracks, jerking his head aside and pouting like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, only to find it filled with brocolli. As Michael focused his flashlight on him, he could see a faint flush on his cheeks. "I think this is... her?"

"Her?" Tsukuyomi licked her lips eagerly, rushing ahead and tossing all caution to the wind. She stopped right next to Kotaro, looking down with a fascinated morbid grin. "Oooohhhh, nice..."

Lady Chigusa and Michael approached warily and looked down as well, finally seeing the pale, comatose woman with long blond hair lying on the hot, almost burning shattered stone, her fully naked body glistening under the light Michael was projecting over her. A silvery crescent moon shone on her forehead, prongs upward.

Chigusa's smile became almost as big and worrying as Tsukuyomi's. "I think I like this."

"You should! Her ass is almost as good as yo—"

"Shut up, Tsukuyomi!"

Michael ignored them, noticing something that made him shiver inside. Her mouth was partly open, and he could be sure, but he thought he could make out… _fangs._

* * *

 

**Epilogue: It's a Beautiful Life if we're Together**

_The next morning…_

Kaguraka Asuna, once-Twilight Imperial Princess before Stephenie Meyer sent the first word straight to hell, now Ministra Magi, stretched lazily on her bed and froze, not feeling the usual familiar weight at her side. Her eyes shot open, and she sat up. The strange surroundings briefly disoriented her, and she wondered if everything before had just been a dream, and she was really still in Kosmo Entelekhia's hands…

Memories of yesterday returned to her, and she relaxed, her heart thumping hard at her overreaction. Cautiously, she looked over the side. Chisame, their Chisame, was passed out on the floor, little holographic screens floating in front of her face, her little electron sprite rats floating around her and making little zzzzzs–literally– as they lay in sleep mode, waiting for her next command. Her Artifact was clutched in her hand. She'd obviously fallen asleep surfing the web… again. In the little kitchenette, one of Calculator's maids– the one who originally kinda looked like Shamal. Chitose, was it?– was making breakfast, probably according to some pre-established order from her. The other, the Vita-looking one– Mint? Really, where did Chisame get the names for these things– knelt by her head in a gesture of patient subservience.

It saw her looking and bowed slightly in response. "Good morning, Kagurazaka-san," it said softly.

"'Mornin'," Asuna said right back around a yawn, just as softly. "Do you know where Negi is?"

The robot pointed upwards. Asuna blinked, twisting her head to look at the upper bunk. With the nimbleness of a shounen action character of Apocalypse Maiden-level power, she scrambled up to look and had to bite her tongue to keep from squealing.

Locking herself in position with her feet, she let her hands slowly creep down to cover the other Chisame and Hakase's mouth and gently shook them awake. The other Chisame awoke quickly, and Asuna quickly put a finger to her lips and pointed. The hacker followed where she was pointing and blinked. Her face became _very_ interesting, like she didn't know whether to scowl or smile.

Asuna woke Hakase up in the same way. The scientist was much harder to rouse, and didn't seem all that coherent, but one look at what Asuna and Chisame were so interested about not only woke her up, it also had her eyebrows making a run for her hairline.

In the middle of the bed, somehow sandwiched between the two– and how that happened without someone falling off the edge of the upper deck–were both Negis.

"What the hell–?" Chisame said, though she kept it to a low hiss. "How'd he get up here without us knowing?"

"He has his ways," Asuna said, just as low, "but that's not the real question. Well, actually, questions, plural."

"And those are?" Hakase asked, fumbling around for her glasses, putting them on, and fumbling right back again when she realized she had Chisame's.

"How likely do you think they're going to kiss, and do you have a camera handy for when it happens?"

One of the Negis– Asuna couldn't tell which was which, since they looked so similar lying down like that– muttered something in his sleep, hands pulling the other one closer to him. "Big sis…" he murmured.

The other one responded, but his face seemed less peaceful, as if pained. His hold was tighter. "Father…" he said, and it sounded like a plea.

"Yours?" Hakase said, pointing to the second one.

Asuna shook her head. "They both have issues. Hell, they have every copy since the magazine started and lifetime subscriptions besides, plus every commemorative coffe table book. You know, they're kinda hard to tell apart if you don't know how tall– wait, this one's mine, see the scar on his cheek?"

"Yours?" Chisame said, somehow managing to give her repetition of the word a twist.

Asuna flushed, but didn't rise to the bait, managing to say, "Well, he _IS_ my partner, so yes, mine."

The one with the scar placed his hands on either side of the other one's head. "Big sis…" he said, sleep moving closer…

The three girls held their breaths.

" _ **ANIKI!-!-!-!-!N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!-!-!-!-!**_ "both Chamos cried as they dove in between the two Negis, pushing them apart. Chisame gave a yelp as she was pushed to the edge of the bed, nearly going over the rail.

" _THIS IS A TRAVESTY TO ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE!_ " one of the ermine declared as the Negis blinkingly swam to consciousness. They realized the position they were in and both gave a yelp, jerking apart. One slammed into Hakase, who gave a start of surprise. The other slammed against Chisame, tripped and flipped over her, and went over the edge. Asuna was able to keep the hacker from falling off.

From below, there was a thud, a feminine cry of surprised indignation, a knee-jerk cry of " _ **PERVERT!**_ ", and a slap.

Asuna looked nonchalantly over the edge. "Huh. Lucky it was _our_ Negi that fell off, or that would have been painful."

"CRAP, I THINK I BROKE MY HAND!"

"Mornin', Chisame-chan!" Asuna greeted.

"Shut up and get Konoka down here, my hand hurts like hell! Gah, my precious typing hand! It hurts so much!"

And thus, a perfectly normal day dawned over Mahora…

* * *

 

Kuro woke up in a tree. Yawning, she stretched and went to see if she could score some hookers for breakfast…

* * *

 

**-To be continued...**

* * *

 

_**From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade:** _

**Full Name:** Kuro von Einbern-Emiya

 **Known Aliases** : Kuro, Kuro Illya, Black Archer, The Kissing Demon, Oh-Crap-It's-That-Crazy-Loli!

 **Alignment:** Chaotic Perverted, Incestous Good

 **ECL:** 9000+

 **Religion:** TheMysteries of Aphrodite and Eros

 **Sexuality:** Incestous, Depraved (but loyal) Bisexual

 **Family:** Irisviel Von Einzbern-Emiya (Mother), Emiya Kiritsugu (Father), Illyasviel von Einzbern-Emiya (Sister), Emiya Shiro (Adopted Brother)

 **Affiliations:** is a founding member of the Fuyuki City Fate Knights, and the United Magical Girl Association, and is a special consultant to the Justice League via the recommendation of Green Lantern (2814.1). An initial investor in Dresden and Prince Investigations. They still haven't paid up.

 **Background:** originally an internalized split personality caused by sealing the memories and supernaturally-accelerated development of the homunculus Illyasviel von Einzbern-Emiya several months after her birth, Kuro was temporarily unleashed when Illya, at ten years of age and wielding the Kaleidoscope-powered Mystic Code Kaleido Ruby as Magical Girl Prisma Illya Kaleido Ruby (yes, there is a lot of redundancy), combined it's power with the 'Archer' Class Card, imbuing herself with the powers of a still-unknown Heroic Spirit qualified to be of the Archer Class. This manifested as a trance-like, out of body experience for Illya as Kuro defeated the Class Card manifestation of a Saber-class Heroic Spirit.

She first materialized a full, independent corporeal body after Kaleido Ruby (Illyasviel von Einzbern-Emiya), Kaleido Sapphire (Edelfelt Miyu), Jewel Red (then just Tohsaka Rin), Blue Blaz (then just Luviagelita Edelfelt) conducted a ritual to stabilize the Earth-pulse in the vicinity of Fuyuki City and the after-effects caused a cave-in. Illya internalized the powers of the Archer Class Card, and a random interaction of disparate forces allowed Kuro to manifest for the first time as a distinct entity. She immediately tried to kill Illya, but was repulsed, and later captured. A magic seal was placed on her, cursing her to be physically affected by everything Illya experienced to prevent her from trying to kill her originator.

Thus sealed, she proceeded on her secondary, and possibly _**TRUE**_ objective: resolving all Illya's underlying sexual tension with her brother, Miyu, her classmates, and anyone else Illya may have had the hots for with a full textual upgrade. Her first action was an attempted seduction of Tracer (then only Emiya Shiro), that was interrupted when Illya self-administered pain to disrupt Kuro's actions. She later somehow enrolled in Illya's school where she proceeded to seduce and steal the first kisses of Illya's immediate circle of friends, as well as seduce her homeroom teacher, Fujimura Taiga. When the deception was uncovered by the appearance of the _real_ Illya, Kuro passed herself off as Illya's cousin.

After a violent episode triggered by Illya's momentary angst-ridden statement that she just wanted to be normal, Kuro challenged Miyu to a duel over their personal philosophies regarding Illya. This battle was interrupted by Illya, and, surprisingly, Illya's mother, Irisviel. The truth of Kuro's nature as Illyas suppressed memories that developed into their own personality is revealed, and Illya was able to use her nature as a conduit for the power of the Holy Grail to wish Kuro her own permanent independent existence.

She, along with several Magical Girls who would later become founding members of the Fuyuki Fate Knights, responded to Green Lantern (2814.1)'s plea for aid when she was attacked by the group calling themselves the Wolkenritter, and was actually the one approached by Green Lantern (2814.1) about officially organizing the group that would later become the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association.

Kuro participated in the defense of Uminari City during the so-called Power Ranger Incident, when the appearance of the dimensionally displaced Power Rangers Vivio Hart Testarossa Oliver, Chrono Harlaown, Yuuno Scrya and Carter Grayson– or more precisely, when the interaction of the so-called 'Morphing Grid' energy they carried and the local universe– caused the manifestation of monsters and the re-emergence of an entity they called 'Lord Zedd' to manifest on the moon. Kuro was part of a strike team beamed to the moon to deal with the entity, and was ultimately responsible for his defeat and capture.

Negotiating with her to let him go and not use him as her own personal font of energy was significantly more difficult.

She participated in 5thand Last Holy Grail War of Fuyuki City, Heaven's Feel, and was instrumental in the defeat of the Invader-converted Kotomine Kirei and the foiling of his plans to use the power of the Holy Grail to manifest ultimate evil upon the world. During this time, she developed an affinity with the Archer of the 5thHoly Grail War (who to this day has remained unidentified), _after_ his apparent death when his Linker Core was removed, despite initial hostilities.

She was also took part in the ending segment of the TSAB case known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case.

She seems to have a mysterious connection to the Temporal Renegade Chao Lingshen, the nature and extent of which is not yet fully known.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Kuro possesses the abilities of a Heroic Spirit qualified for manifesting as an Archer-class Servant. The identity of this Heroic Spirit is unknown, as its powers do not correspond to any known legend, and seems to possess no identifiable Noble Phantasm, although it appears to be the same Heroic Spirit who appeared in the capacity of the Servant Archer during the 5thHoly Grail War. This Servant was never identified, however, due to his being summoned incorrectly, leading him to develop partial amnesia with regards to his existence as a mortal, most especially in the areas concerning anything that might be able to pinpoint his identity. His most identifying ability, a Reality Marble called Unlimited Blade Works, has spawned several imitators, and is of no use in any attempt at identification.

Kuro possesses a form of Gradation Air dubbed 'Tracing' that allows her to perfectly replicate any sword, mundane or Noble Phantasm, she encounters and has at least seen and observed, touched, or whose internal structure and composition she is familiar with. She can also use it replicate spears to a limited degree, and even a few shield Noble Phantasms. She uses these swords as arrows, essentially allowing her an unlimited supply of High-Energy Noble Phantasm explosive projectiles, often with unique abilities. Kuro is capable of using each weapon as skillfully as any who have possessed and mastered it, including utilizing any special techniques they knew or have used with the weapon she has Traced.

She is also able to generate the Reality Marble "Unlimited Blade Works" despite it not being the manifestation of her soul, as an extension of her possession of the unknown Heroic Spirit's abilities, though this has been hotly debated– though interestingly, never by her.

Kuro is capable of draining energy from anyone she kisses and converting it into prana to maintain her existence or supplement her magical energy. As a Nasurian magecraft-user, she is above average when it comes to physical abilities, when compared to normal non-superpowered people. She can jump off a house and land without injury and fight against foes many times her size or strength, using Reinforcement Magecraft on herself. For a short period of time, she was in possession of a White Power Ring and made good use of it. In addition, the ring also provided a fragmented but detailed accounts of future events, some of which she still remembers after the ring left her posession, though the extent and continued validity of which is unknown.

* * *

 

_**From the files of Akagi Ritsuko, Sailor Pluto, Senshi of Time, Second Guardian of the Gates of Time:** _

**Full Name** :Yuuki Rito

 **Known Aliases** : Yuusaki Riko (when affected by alien Gender Bender ray machinery in a prior temporal iteration- This alias is currently invalid yet).

 **Alignment** : Neutral Good, Extremely Repressed Lawful Pervert.

 **Religion** : Shintoist, Secretly More Devoted to the Magical Kyouko Anime Than Any Boy His Age Should Be.

 **Sexuality** : Heterosexual, but all that panicking around the opposite gender might hint of latent homosexual tendencies.

 **Family** : Yuuki Ringo (Mother), Yuuki Saibai (Father), Yuuki Mikan (Sister), Yuuki Nao (Cousin)

 **Affiliations** : In the current iteration, none to this point. Used to live and study with three alien princesses of the planet Deviluke and a loose amount of eccentric aliens and one ghost in prior loops. Currently dating Saotome Haruna, and has been dabbling in terms of good friendship with her fellow Library Exploration Club members Miyazaki Nodoka, Ayase Yue and Konoe Konoka. As such, might be drawn into Negi Springfield's circle of allies somewhere in the future.

 **Background** : Born the son of a manga artist and writer and a popular female fashion designer, the subject is a normal human being gifted with no special powers, skills or abilities, although he seems to possess high amounts of physical stamina and endurance despite his poor physical condition. He can endure large amounts of physical pain and injuries without losing awareness or substaining long term damage (see also- subject Urashima Keitaro). Additionally, he seems to suffer from a bizarre condition that makes him impossibly prone to get involved in compromising, sexually suggestive situations with young attractive females (once again, refer to subject Urashima Keitaro), much to the delight of Saotome Haruna.

In past repeatings of the current timeline, Rito was romantically attracted to a girl his age named Sairenji Haruna (current status in this timeline- Idol singer just messily divorced from baseball player Motemitsu Taizou, both years older than Rito now, and never have met him). However, his normal life was disturbed by the arrival of alien princess Lala Satalin Deviluke, who insisted on taking him as her fiance (see also- Tomobiki incident, list of Men In Black related events). So far, Princess Lala has not shown up at Mahora Academy and has not met the subject of this study either. It is suggested to keep them apart from each other to prevent a worsening of the current situation.

Yuuki Rito has shown no signs of posing a danger to the current timeline's stability so far, being a seemingly average high school student in love with a junior student. He is shy and withdrawn, and through his childhood, preferred to care after plants than socializing. This has made him an expert gardener, and he is a decent soccer player, but other than that, has shown no particular talents. His recent romantic involvement with a girl who is his polar opposite in personality and goals may change his attitude to some degree, assuming the relationship lasts long enough for it. Saotome Haruna seems to label him her first companion in her unbalanced and laughable goals to gather a harem of sorts for herself (Note to self- Check future logs-Make sure this statement does not come back to bite my ass later).

Interestingly, in this iteration, Rito has blood ties to former HIME Yuuki Nao, who acts as a worldly older sister figure of sorts for him and his biological sister Mikan, despite actually being younger than Rito himself. While the HIME system seems to be inactive in this iteration, she must be watched along with the rest of the former HIME.

* * *

 

**Omake: Sailor V Says…**

"Hello again! Once more, Sailor Venus, pretty warrior in a sailor suit, is here to share some Sailor Wisdom with you!"

"... Venus-san, that was rampant abuse of the word 'Sailor'—"

"Just say your piece, Mercury-chan."

"Ahhhh, well, I'm Oookuchi Ak—"

"A-HEM!-!"

"...I'm Sailor Mercury. Can I go now?"

"No. Dear public, today, all four of you and we learned a valuable lesson from the visit of 2814 Mahora!"

"... That two Negi-senseis are even cuter than one?"

"Silly Mercury-chan, we all knew that already."

"That the 2814 universe is better streamlined and more coherent than ours?"

"Ditto."

"That no matter how different we all may seem, in the end we're all basically the same, and should be proud of being equals, despite our personality-marking wonderfully unique traits?"

"... Who told you?"

"I... I guessed it?"

"No, they told you, didn't they?"

"No, no one told me!"

"I was supposed to say it! The segment is called 'Sailor V Says' for a reason!"

"S-S-Sorry, Venus-sa—"

"You'll call me 'Venus-sempai' from now on."

"... Very well. Sorry, Venus-sempai."

"... Aw, it was just a joke. C'me here, Mercury-chan! Of course I'm not angry at you! Just give me a good Sailor Hug, you right-guessing smart girl, you!"

"Oh, thank you, Ven— Venus-san?"

"Yes?"

"Wh-Why are your hands resting back there when you hug me?"

"Trust me, the public loves it."

"That may be true, but—"

"Just ask Haruka-chan and Michiru-chan."

"I can't! They aren't in this fanfic yet!"

"I know, but there was some talking we could take over their popularity levels if we only—"

"I-I-I WANT MY AGENT!"

"Come on, Mercury-chan...! For our public...!"

* * *

 

Please review, C&C welcome. No, really, PLEASE review. We worked really hard on this and we think it's a small thing for you, our readers, all for of you, to tell us what you liked about it so we can provide more of the same.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OverMaster, signing off.


	32. Lesson 28: More Extra Content

**OM's Notes: I wrote all of this here and there during the main storyline's creation, and it'd be a shame to let it go waste, so think of it as another added bonus between chapters.**

Also, Zap, don't worry, all the _Decadent Habits_ stuff in this chapter is only intended to be jokes.

Or _ARE they…?_

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

Lesson 27 and a Half: Sticks and Stones will Break our Bones, but Filler isn't a Momentum Killer.

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Do we look like we have hot cosplayer wives, or what?_

_Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi._

Darkwing Duck belongs to The Walt Disney Company.

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ belongs to Hasbro.

 _The Slayers_ were created by and belong to Kanzaka Hajime and Arazumi Rui.

Deadpool belongs to Marvel Comics.

 _Queen's Blade_ belongs to Hobby Japan.

 _Code Geass_ belongs to Sunrise.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Thanks to all the fanfic writers who wrote the pieces parodied or homaged in this chapter.

* * *

**Omake- Tales from Mundus Magicus, Part 2**

"Now, for your first lesson, Rana," the dark skinned, horned petite woman cleared her throat, sitting sagely on top of a large boulder. The tiny black haired boy sitting on the grass in front of her nodded expectantly, an open notebook in his hands. "We'll be covering a most important subject in the fields of human biology and aesthetics. "

"What is it, Master Paio?" Rana asked.

She smiled and pointed to her flat chest. "Breasts. "

"Breasts, Ma'am?"

"Indeed!" she laughed. "Most of you men don't know how to appreciate them, but luckily for you, your auntie Chichigami's here to teach you how to become a proper gentleman who will make all women in your life very happy!"

The small one-eyed fox man stirring the pot of soup next to the campfire made a humming sound. "Please remember, Boss, Lady Cattleya has warned you—"

The short woman hushed him. "Silence, Jillas! Don't stand in the way of fine education, or I'll hurt you!"

"Yes, Ma'am," he cowed down humbly.

"Now, dear Rana," the girl smiled rather proudly, "You are fortunate to have a mother who excels to such a degree in the size department, but even so, the first thing you must learn is female breasts are beautiful, not based on size alone, but also in shape. This shape can be round, conical or even flat, but all three kinds are equally admirable as long as they keep a consistent balance. Certainly, a lack of sagging is desired, but even sagging can be attractive under the right circumstances... "

"I thought you were going to teach me how to swing a sword... " Rana observed.

"Your mother can teach you that!" the young-looking woman snapped. "Now, while you're still too young for the practice, it's never too early for the theory," she lectured, in a highly controversial statement the author of this piece doesn't necessarily agree with. "You still are of the age to bathe with us without Naga and Ymir freaking out, so you should watch carefully and learn from firsthand experience while you can. "

"What can I learn from looking at your chests?" he asked cluelessly. "You can't use chests in battle. "

"Not all battles are fought at the battlegrounds, Rana," she smirked mischievously, making Jillas to cough aloud. "But I'll teach you that when you're 13 and legal. Right now, I want you to compare and contrast all breasts you look at. Memorize them, and once you're able to recognize a woman by her breasts, without looking at her face, I'll consider the first stage of your training done. It's a highly valuable tool for reconnaissance and social interaction. "

"Wh-What kind of social skills are those?-!" the fox gasped.

Paio frowned. "Didn't I tell you to shut up? Just hurry up with that soup, I'm hungry. And for the gods' sake, don't confuse the pepper with your stupid gunpowder again. Now, for the first step of your illumination, you will need an up close and personal inspection of the three basic size kinds. Now, while we'll cover the conical and large round varieties later, we fortunately have a perfect specimen of the flat and cute type at hand, right here... "

She began to unbuckle her top.

"B-B-Boss!" the fox-man gurgled. "You can't possibly—!"

"There's nothing a good mentor and teacher won't do for the son of a good friend!" the Chichigami stated with pride. "But you don't look! Not like I care, you're just a stupid animal... but you can't take your eye from the soup while it's still cooking!"

"Ahem," a dry, brief cough came from behind her. Three shadows, two huge, one diminutive, loomed over her.

The Chichigami looked back to see the forcefully smiling, fists clenched, popping-vein-on-forehead voluminous and voluptuous figure of the towering Cattleya, gigantic sword in hand. Next to her, the more slender, yet just as tall and nearly as busty black leather bikini clad Naga the White Serpent stood aloofly looking down, her arms crossed. At her other side there was the Loli looking, huge ax-carrying, blonde and pale Ymir, warrior princess of the dwarves, not looking happy at all either.

"Mama!" Rana got up to hug one of Cattleya's legs. "Lady Paio was teaching me—"

"I know," his mother deadpanned. "Rana dear, be a good boy and go pick up more wood for the fire, will you?"

"But she was about to teach me—"

"Now, Rana," she gently said.

"— Yes, Mama!"

Paio Zi backed away as Cattleya and Ymir closed on her. "Now, now! I'm the leader of this band! Surely you should at least stop and listen to my reasons before—!"

Cattleya held up the sword with a still clenched, saintly smile. "Oh, you'll have a lot of time to explain later... my dear leader and 'good friend'... "

"Nothing personal, mind," Ymir smiled, lifting her ax as well. "Although I really didn't like all that groping at the bath yesterday... "

Jillas gulped and added more pepper to the soup while trying to remain unnoticed. Naga sat down before him and put a hand next to her mouth, laughing hideously as the sounds of carnage started. "OHHH, HO HO HO HO HO! These silly minions of mine! Is dinner ready by now, pup?"

"It's almost done, Lady Naga... "

While picking it loose branches in the woods, Rana heard the explosion, and looked in the direction of the camp, seeing the thick black clouds rising up. He sighed. The dinner would be delayed again...

"We've told you to keep that gunpowder in your tent!" Naga's voice was yelling.

* * *

**Otaku**

Once, I met this fortune teller who told me I would soon meet a man who would change my life for the better. Of course, since I was nine at the time, my mother then sued him out of town.

Naturally, I didn't pay him a lot of attention, even though he had scared me. Everything scared me back then. But even so, I went on with my life almost forgetting the whole incident. If the terrorist attack hadn't happened mere days later, I'd have forgotten the prediction completely.

That day, I felt more fear than I ever had felt before, or would ever feel afterwards.

I was sure we'd die. Because of Father's position, and his dangerous tendencies, we were some of the few hostages they never intended to release. To be honest, we'd be dead today if it hadn't been for him.

One of the guests for that night's gala. A gentleman from Japan, since no matter how much Father and Mother despised the Japanese, there were still appearances to keep.

He did nothing through the whole situation, playing the cooperating, level headed, affable role of the peacemaker and negotiator in our midst, until one of the armed men put a gun on my throat after Father's words offended him. Then that man grabbed a display sword so fast none of us could even see him doing it.

Moments after, I was safe in his arms, and all the armed men were disarmed and splayed across the floor, unable to move beyond twitching.

I was very impressionable then. Had my only memory of Japanese men from that night been that of our captors, I'm sure I'd have grown to hate and fear them even more than Father and Mother.

But that man changed everything.

When I asked his name, he only said, "It's not important," and walked away after leaving me in my father's arms. Like a honorable samurai walking into the sunset.

Later, I would find out he was one Konoe Eishun from Kyoto, a bit of a globetrotter. I never met him again.

But even today, I treasure that moment as the one that changed my life forever.

The fortune teller was right. Sometimes, the right man in the right place is enough to make for a wholly changed lifetime.

Since that day, and through my learning on that culture and that people, I have grown to love Japan as much as if I lived there. So I hope I get to visit you one day, Satomi-chan.

...

Hakase rubbed her chin after closing the laptop. "Konoe Eishun...? Say, isn't that—"

Hasegawa lazily looked up from the bed, Negi giving cute tiny snores against her. "Still awake? Sheesh, normally I'm the one who pulls all nighters. What's with that new e-friend you got yourself?"

"Well, she is a brilliant mind, you know," Hakase yawned and stretched. "I wonder if I could get the Laboratory to bring her over as a part of our preparations for Mahorafest... "

...

Half a world away, another black haired girl with glasses dozed over her own Hello Kitty decorated laptop.

Her tall, buxom blond classmate passed by, sighed, and covered her up with a blanket.

"Sleep tight, Nina. "

* * *

**The Last Day.**

Lina the Pink.

That was the despicable name they had assigned her at the Academy, mere months ago, when she had started her studies. She was fairly sure Master Childman had chosen it as a cruel joke on her, despite his claims of it being picked by the wishes of the oracles. He had said the name of Lina the Pink was fated for big things, for great exploits and untold sagas of wonder and awe.

It still hadn't saved her from being laughed at by all children at the class, even Orphen-kun. She couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if Father could have sent her to study at Ariadne instead. Or maybe Tar Valon. Or the Tower of High Sorcery in Palanthas. Even Kredik Shaw, despite how insane The Lord Ruler was. Hell, even Equestria would have done! At least the horsies wouldn't have been malicious about it.

Now Lina the Pink had a baby in her arms, even as that boy's mother turned around slowly, almost staggering, sword in hand.

"Leave," the tall blond woman asked in a stoic, even and strong voice, despite the blood trickling down the corner of her mouth. "Now. "

Lina the Pink shook with fear, clutching the crying baby closer to her chest, turning pleading eyes up at the woman. "Not without you! Please, Princess! I mean, Queen, I mean, Your Majesty! What would I do without you? What could he do without you? Those demons will kill you! Come with us! Please!"

"They will kill us all, if someone does not hold them at bay here," the woman replied, steel still in her voice. "We cannot outrun them without a distraction. I cannot run anymore, in any event." She coughed. "Go, Lina. Your sister is on her way. Find her, and deliver my son to her. That is an order. "

The damned horde's howls and bestial screams were much closer each moment. Lina the Pink's fear grew, but she still didn't wish to leave the woman behind. "Of course you can run with us! Why do you think I'd be faster than you? I'm only a child, skinny and with short legs! I'm a bad mage, a good for nothing goof! I'm my family's shame! There's no way your son will be better with me than with you!"

The woman pushed her down the rocky and narrow mountain road. "I told you to **go!"**

Lina the Pink sobbed and ran down the road, panicking as never before. The last thing she saw of the blond woman was her back as she stood blocking the path, facing the incoming packs of demons closing in.

The baby boy wailed against her, as if yearning for his mother's familiar touch. Lina the Pink held back as many tears as she could while hearing the horrible sounds of battle behind. Her skinny short legs ran like never before, for the boy's sake, and his mother's. But as she had feared, it was not enough.

Soon the demons were closing on her as well. She tried to remember a few attack spells, but couldn't remember anything at all. She couldn't do anything but fall to her knees and hug the baby tighter, shielding him with her body until the end...

"FIREBALL!"

And then the nearest demon's head exploded in a burst of flames.

Lina the Pink opened her eyes again, looking through the tears at the incoming tall and valiant figure, walking up the road to meet them. She only had a kitchen knife in hand. But for her, that had always been enough.

"Sister!"

Luna Inverse turned her usual cold and grim stare down at her. "Get into that cave," she pointed aside aloofly. "It has been... secured. "

Now Lina the Pink could see she was bleeding all over, as well, but she was too afraid of her to ask. She only nodded and obeyed like a good girl, ducking into the cave's darkness with her precious charge.

She cuddled with him at the cave's back, rocking him back and forth, whispering a lullaby as the sounds of battle outside raged for what seemed hours, even though they probably weren't, never letting him go.

It all had been eerily quiet for long minutes when her sister finally appeared at the cave's entrance, carrying a motionless figure wrapped in a crimson cloth in her arms. Luna Inverse was bathed in blood now, and her eyes were unlike those she always had. Lina the Pink watched without making a sound, how she carefully set the body down, and then moved around to kneel before her, hugging her tightly. Luna spoke to her like she never had before, her tone soothing and warm.

"Good girl, Lina. Good girl. You have made me proud today. "

Lina the Pink only could bury her face into her large bustline and cry.

They managed to deliver the baby to his father's family months afterwards. And Lina the Pink had never seen or heard of him again since then. Even now, she sometimes wondered if he still was alive somewhere. She doubted it. Both his father and his mother had too many enemies.

Lina the Pink studied harder than ever after returning to school. She was a changed person now, ferocious and driven, enough to make everyone (everyone but Orphen, that is) drop the Pink part of her name when talking to, or even about, her. Even Master Childman.

They'd come to call her many other things. The Bandit Killer. Enemy of All Living Things. The Death on Two Legs. The Dragon Spooker. Master Childman's prophecy was, as such, only half-right.

But the part no one ever knew or mentioned was Lina Inverse owed all that to a dead woman's example. And she kept it that way, because she was sure the Princess, that was, the Queen, would have preferred it that way. Her name was already tarnished enough as it was.

...

"And that was the last time I saw Queen Arika Anarchia Enteofushia of Ostia," she finished her story for the tall blond swordsman sitting at the other side of the campfire, under that starry sky somewhere in the Xanth peninsula. For him, for some reason, she could make an exception.

The tall man scratched his chin cluelessly. "... Wait. I thought that woman had been executed thirty years before?"

"Eighteen, you jellyfish-for-brains! Eighteen!" Lina Inverse snapped angrily. "But no, she didn't die right then, although death would never stop stalking her after that. I'll tell you the story of how she survived that one. I hadn't been born yet, but my sister told me all about it... "

Her self-professed protector nodded and listened as carefully as his short attention span allowed him to.

* * *

**One of Those Days.**

Asuna blinked in mild surprise when she saw Negi standing at her room's doorstep. "Brat? What are you doing here?"

"Um, good afternoon," he bowed shyly. "I hope I'm not intruding, but could I spend a few hours here? I promise I'll go when it's time to sleep, but right now it's... kind of difficult to be at home today. "

She stepped aside, allowing him to walk in. "Why?"

"Well, I'm not too sure myself, but it's one of those times each month where Chisame-san and Satomi-san are... somehow angrier than usual. They get easily offended, and I have to choose my words every time I talk... "

"Even Hakase?" the redhead blinked.

"Yes, even her. And when I try to ask them what's wrong, they'll just blush and brush me off. Rather harshly. "

Asuna rubbed her chin in realization. "Oh. It must be **that."**

Negi looked at her hopefully. "Do you mean you know it? Can you tell me about it? Can I do something to stop it?"

The girl sighed, rubbing her forehead with two fingers. "I know what it is, yeah. But I won't tell you. And technically, I guess you could do something to put a... temporary stop... to it, but let's not ever go there. At least until you're like twenty. "

"Huh?"

"Never mind! Sheesh, didn't Chamo tell you anything about it?"

"He told me something about these being their 'red days', but then Chisame-san started to stomp on him, and then Satomi-san threatened him with the lab tests... "

"Naturally," Asuna crossed her arms. "Well, it's a natural thing all of us go through, Negi. Don't mind it too much. You'll get used to it. Eventually. But in the meanwhile, I'd suggest you to stay elsewhere... "

The boy made a wounded face. "Asuna-san...!"

"Not because of me, really! But, ah... "

Konoka peeked her head out of the bathroom. "Asunaaaa! I forgot to buy tampons! Go to the drugstore and buy me some!" Then she noticed Negi, and for the first time in her life, she didn't smile upon seeing him. "Oh, it's you... "

Although this statement was fairly neutral, Negi more or less got the hint. Hey, statistical probability says he'd get one eventually. "I... I was just leaving, actually... "

"I understand the twins haven't entered that stage yet. And Kaede just had hers last week," Asuna offered helpfully.

"Got it! Thank you, Asuna-san!" He quickly turned around, dashing towards Nagase's dorm.

"... What's wrong with him today?" Konoka wondered, just a wee tiny microscopic bit sourly.

"Who knows?" Asuna began to put her shoes on. "I'm going to buy cookies while I'm on it. Want some?"

* * *

**Decadent (Reading) Habits.**

_Set before Yuuna's trip to the Decadent Habits World:_

Konoka walked into the manga club's quarters with a large smile and an even larger book tucked under an arm. "Paru-chan! You left this at the Exploration Club's meeting!"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, thanks," the mangaka nodded from where she was drawing frantically. "Leave it over there, will you, Kono-chan? Too busy right now. Gotta have this design for the basketball club's new logo ready before Yuuna's curfew... "

The basketball player rummaging through the nearby pile of doujinshi to alleviate her boredom while waiting snorted. "Again with the ribbings, Paru? I'm under no curfews from anyone anymore! Ooh, an OverMaster doujin! _Unevenly Logical and Temperamental? What series is this…?"_

Haruna peeked the tip of her tongue mischievously. "Once a Daddy's girl, always a Daddy's girl. "

Yuuna grunted even as Konoka giggled and greeted the two youngest members of the manga club, Hiyori and Patty, who were putting the finishing touches on some sort of _Gekigangar 3 Yaoi book. Then the basketball player casually found a book that caught her attention. "Say, now what is THIS...?"_

Haruna's eyes bugged out. "Don't touch that one! It's not for sale or public viewing! It's... private!"

Yuuna's interest burned quickly. "Oooo! Something that embarrasses YOU? I gotta see this!" she chuckled, burying her nose into the pages before Haruna could tackle her...

Hiyori and Patty shared worried looks as her Sempai froze in place, then Yuuna.

"She found it," Hiyori whispered nervously.

Patty bit her fingernails. "There's no way to predict the outcome!"

"What are you girls talking about?" Konoka asked.

Yuuna gave Paru a blank stare. "This guy here... doesn't he look a lot like your Dad? I remember him from last year's parent-teacher conference... "

"Ahhhh... " Haruna started.

"And this girl with him is obviously you... " Akashi continued.

"Well, you'll see... "

Yuuna grinned perversely. "Who's a Daddy's girl now...?"

"There's a perfectly good explanation... "

Yuuna calmly pulled a photo of her own father out of a pocket and handed it over to Haruna. "How much do you charge for private manga commissions?"

As Yuuna walked out of the room with her logo under one arm and the promise of a tome in two weeks, Haruna counted her first advance payment greedily. She was her mother's daughter, after all. "I... I love my job... "

Konoka rasped, blushed a bit, and handed her a photo of her own father as well, whispering into her ear, "I'll triple what she's paying you, but get one ready for me before you do hers. Please? And it'd be nice if you could include Set-chan as well... "

Haruna's eyes became Yen signs. "GIRLS! WE HAVE A NEW TOP PRIORITY PROJECT!"

Patty mumbled, "Never could understand THAT fetish. Then again, my Dad is overweight, bald, and always smells of rancid pizza... "

Hiyori patted her gaijin friend's shoulder. "Just wait and see. The way this fic's going, you'll be doing him in twenty chapters or so. We'll also be fighting Darkseid along Yoda and Kenshiro by then... "

_Several chapters later, it was the first thing Yuuna destroyed when she got back home…_

* * *

 

**The Key To A Successful Interview**

"— and that's why I ended up marrying your mother and not Aunt Akane," Ranma finished his tale.

Haruna rubbed her chin, still puzzled. "But I still don't understand how Donny Osmond and that Scott Pilgrim guy fit in. And since when does Auntie Shampoo know how to pilot a combat jet?"

"I'll teach you one of these days," Shampoo's voice promised from the kitchen.

"Hell no!" Akane's voice shouted. "Remember what happened when Azusa taught her figure skating?"

* * *

**Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon**

"— and that was how Princess Serenity defeated the dark forces of evil and banished Queen Metallia to the depths of the Netherworld!" Artemis finished proudly.

"So let me see if I understood it correctly. She killed herself and blew up the whole Moon Kingdom," Akira felt her face twitching just a bit.

"Basically, yeah," Minako nodded.

Artemis sniffed. "That's a depressingly 'White Devil Of The Moon' way of looking at it."

"And we're looking for her reincarnation for... why, exactly?" Akira feared to ask.

"Well, we hope she won't blow the world up this time," Minako said. "I mean, what are the odds of it ever happening again, right? I'm sure she's a more... responsible person this time around. "

Somewhere at Juuban, one Tsukino Usagi took a deep drag from her cigarette and exhaled. "Shingo... "

"Yeah...?" the sleepy voice came from her side.

"We really need stop doing this... "

He slapped her bare butt. "Yeah, sure. Good one, Sis!"

* * *

**Forcibly United**

"— And that was how Ryouga and me ended up helping Balalaika-san to become the Prime Minister of Russia!" Ranma finished his other lengthy tale.

"Ah, so that's why we get a full box of vodka bottles each Christmas!" Haruna slammed her right fist on her open left palm.

"Exactly!"

Nodoka blinked behind her thick bangs. "And that's why we got all those donations for the Library! But are you sure it's legal...?" she said doubtfully.

Haruna's mother waved a hand. "I'm sure the Moscow Library won't miss those old musty books... "

"But no one in Mahora knows how to read Russian," Yue pointed out with a small frown. "And all those books only seem to deal with guns, anyway... "

Elsewhere, at the Library Island, Mana struggled with a thick manual in one hand and an even thicker Japanese/Russian dictionary in the other. "I'm sure I can translate all of this myself… damned Russians and their crappy customer service numbers… "

* * *

**Agony in Pink**

_Between the recordings for new chapters of Unequally Rational and Emotional:_

Yue covered her ears and let out what was almost a whimper. "My God, it's horrible! Make it stop! My god, it's almost as bad as the Twilight Audiobooks!"

"I feel ill," Yuuna grabbed her stomach. She directed a wounded look to their torturer. "How can you do this to us? We always trusted you!"

"I haven't ever encountered anything more atrocious than this!" Evangeline cringed, drilling her fingers deep into her ears. "Chachamaru! Break that hideous instrument of torture at once!"

"But Master, it would be rude to—"

"NOW, CHACHAMARU!" everyone else chorused.

"... Yes, Master," Chachamaru yanked the violin out of Makie's hands and slammed it against a wall.

"KYA!" Baka Pink shrilled. "WHY?-! You're all so mean! Even after I invited you to my first recital!"

Negi placed his hands on her shoulders, paternally, despite the blood trickling out of his ears. "Trust us, Sasaki-san. Please stick to gymnastics. "

"No!" she shook her head, swelling her cheeks up like a spoiled child. "Not even if you ask me, Negi-kun! I've found my true calling and vocation in music! Just stay there and listen! Now I'll play the piano!"

Natsumi grabbed Chizuru by an arm, Kotaro by the other, and began dragging them for the door. "S-Sorry, but it's time for Chizu-nee to give us our daily dose of home remedies... "

Kotaro would have protested if his delicate hearing hadn't pushed him into a coma minutes before.

"This feels very unmotherly," Madoka said as they stuffed their ears with wax.

Homura patted her hand "Trust me dear. I love Makie too, but even mothely love has limits…"

* * *

**Thirty Hs**

_Time Loop # 666666:_

Negi breathed in deeply, trying to focus as he remembered his sister's wise advice.

_Negi. You must rock the fuck out._

He straightened out, bravely brandishing his groinsaw staff for the admiring class to see, and spoke in a clear, powerful, commanding voice, "Hello. I'm Negi Springfield, and I'm going to be your god-damn English teacher, bitches. "

Pretty much all the class swooned.

"I want to have your children!" Sayo squealed.

"Is that alien astronaut blood you're covered by?" Kazumi asked, jumping up and down. "It's so EXCITING!"

"Make me your sex slave!" Makie pleaded.

"I don't know, he's trying too hard if you ask me... " Asuna mumbled, then looked around at all her captivated, spellbound classmates. Even Sayo, who was visible for no good reason. "Eh? Why are all of you suddenly perverted airheads with absolutely no explana—" Then Asuna blinked a few time before her eyes shifted angrily for the camera.

"Oh, I get it. Thirty Ecchis. Thirty Hs. Funny. Very funny. Har-har," she mumbled. "Can we go move on to the next snippet already?"

* * *

**Nobody Dies**

_Time Loop # 5555:_

"The title... The title lied... " Negi said with a haunted voice, standing over the piles and piles of dead friends and enemies.

Ayanami scratched her head almost apologetically. "Uh, yeah, I guess so. WHAT A TWEEEEEST, huh? Then, can you fix this, Science Magic Girl?" she asked Chao. "Just make sure I'm not a boring drone in the next iteration, okay?"

Chao sighed while pulling out the Cassiopeia. "After all of this, I'm making no promises!"

"Cool," the clone said. "You do that, I'll Reip Negi-kun here…"

* * *

**Cupcakes**

_Ariadne Academy_

"Here," Twilight Sparkle said as she placed the box on the table. It still amazed Emily how many things her new roommate could do without opposable thumbs, or any other fingers for that matter. "My friend Pinkie Pie just sent them from Equestria. They're considered by everypony to be the best cupcakes in all the queendom."

Emily grabbed one, gave it a quick pondering glare, and then bit on it, finding she liked the flavor very much. "Oh, it's excellent!" she praised. "What a magnificent flavor! What are the ingredients? It doesn't taste exactly like any cupcakes we have around here... " Though she HAD to wonder how ponies ate this without fingers… or made them for that matter…

The unicorn pony exchange student had to shrug, admitting ignorance for once. "She says they have a 'secret ingredient' that gives them that special taste. All great chefs have their secrets, I suppose... "

"Yes, I guess you're right," Emily didn't mind too much and continued eating merrily.

**OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!**

Somewhere else, in a beautiful and colorful queendom populated by noble beasts, a pink furred cute pony paused for a moment in her current cupcake making activities and smiled in a highly Sasaki Makie-like way for the fanfic's audience.

"We leave it open for your own interpretation!" she said. "Though I'll say the only reason I didn't get the snippet three slots above is because Makie's music is more painful…"

* * *

**Thinking in Little Green Boxes**

"Well, even I can see we aren't starting on the best footing!"

His voice was very strange and difficult to describe. It kind of sounded like Ryan Reynolds, but with a distinctively gravy and deep, yet spaced out and still frantic quality to it. It randomly went from thick and manly to briefly effeminate when it almost sounded like Demi Moore on heavy drugs.

He was aiming a ridiculously large handgun at her head while she aimed a wand between his eyes, in an uncomfortable standoff. It literally had BFG written on the side.

Given the circumstances, Nekane Springfield just asked the best question she could think of at the moment.

"What are you doing in my house, looking through my brother's belongings?"

The strange man masked in red hummed behind the thick cloth covering his mouth, and finally seemed to smile under it. "I'm Santa Claus! Notice my jolly enjoyable attitude and my bright red attire! Your brother was such a nice boy, I came early to bring him the guns he asked for Christmas!"

Nekane stared blankly. "... "

"I don't look like the Easter Bunny, do I?" he asked. "Please say I don't. I'm very self conscious about my ears. "

And then a demon with huge black bat wings burst through the window. They hadn't had a demon attack for some time, not since that Christmas. Fortunately, it was a single beast this time. Unfortunately, it still was too much for Nekane to handle alone.

Fortunately again, it also wanted her strange visitor dead, so she didn't have to fight alone.

By the time they were done, a whole wall of the small cottage in the hills was blown off, and most of the other walls were reminiscent of a holey Napoleon cheese. The floors would also take weeks to be fixed again. The monster was in agony, its body pierced by several spells, riddled with bullets, and stabbed by a few katanas and, for some reason, a giant lollipop for good measure. Still, even in its death throes, it spoke gruffly, with a hell-bent, unrepentant voice.

**"We'll find him! We'll find him and kill him! We—"**

The masked man just shot it in the head one final time as it tried to claw for the girl with its final shreds of strength.

"Ahhhhh, just shaddap. You're giving me a headache. No, wait, that's the large bleeding wound on my head. My bad. Ooooo, I'm feeling so bad— I can't even see the little green boxes around my head when I think— No, no, wait again, that's because this is a prose medium! Boy, my face is red!"

The masked man was mortally wounded as well, or so Nekane thought. She had tried to get him over to Merdiana for treatment, but he had refused stubbornly, and he was still able to fend her off. Yet, Nekane soon saw he was recovering, far faster and better than any human should be able to. Missing fingers re-grew. Deep wounds closed. Dangling internal organs healed after he pushed them back in as best as he could. All through the course of a single night. Nekane couldn't believe it even as she nursed him. Not even the strongest mages she ever had met, not even Uncle Nagi, could ever do that. Not that she knew of, at least. Surely those stories about Jack Rakan weren't…

Nekane had never met a 'mystery man', 'vigilante', 'superhero' or 'supervillain' before. She knew they were supposed to have amazing abilities rivaling those of the mages, but that was all. When she warily asked him in which category of those listed before he fell into, he only shrugged and replied carelessly. "Mercenary. With a Mouth. "

And quite a mouth that was, since he never would shut up. Nekane couldn't even understand half of what he was saying at any given moment. In any case, she only wanted to hear one single thing from him. And he finally satisfied her request.

"One of your brother's students hired me to **Do The Research** on him!" he peppily said.

Nekane went pale. "Wh-what? Has he... Has he been found out?"

"Hey, relax. From what I've been able to gather, it wasn't his fault, so I don't think they'll turn him into a Hippo or a furry fan or a Senator. And the secret's safe with Blondie. She just wanted to learn more about him, that's all. "

"Who is she? Who?-!" Nekane demanded, with an angry drive she didn't know she had.

"Oh, no, I won't tell you her name... " he said before looking at how she leaned toward him furiously, his eyes shiftily wandering over her modest cleavage. "Ah, no, uh, I won't tell you the name of the blonde and cute young heiress of the Yukihiro Financial Group who hired me to come here and investigate on her little precious crush. I definitely won't tell you anything about the Class Rep of your brother-cousin-whatever's students, she of the blue eyes, charming smile and pleasant voice. I won't disappoint that little boy-loving, kind but stubborn, admired and respect young woman, with her infinite goodness and her infinitely deep pockets that have paid me many Acapulco holidays."

And he smiled, satisfied about not revealing his employer's name as per her requests.

"Oh my God!" Nekane whispered, livid.

Then another demon burst into the house.

Mr. Deadpool rubbed his chin. "Huh. Maaaaaaybe my investigations haven't been as unnoticed as I had hoped... "

Four days and seven dead demons later, they had developed the kind of quick adrenaline filled Rescue Romance usually reserved for Hollywood action movies.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen," she truthfully replied. "Why?"

"Just wanted to be sure before I made a mistake... "

She frowned, looking down at him. "Mister Wilson, we have **already** done it three times. You should have asked before!"

He fumbled sheepishly. "Willing for a fourth?"

She nodded.

Granted, his face under the mask was... hard to get used to, and the rest of his skin didn't fare much better, but Nekane had never been one to focus on the surface of people. So what if he was cursed to look like Tom Cruz?

"Will you still deliver that info to your employer?" she pleaded.

"I have to. It's my next three months' of meals, you know. And bullets. And porn. And porn bullets."

"Porn bullets?"

"You don't want to know."

"But—"

"I told you, she's trustworthy. She always tells me to avoid killing anyone, well, I hope demons don't count. She isn't a bad person, really! Other than the whole lusting over little boys, I mean. But it's okay, that'll make a real man out of your bro—"

She sighed and half-heartedly tossed a pillow into his face.

"I could erase your memory. "

"That wouldn't do anything. She'd just send someone else, that someone else would ruffle more feathers, and the demons would come again. "

They had stopped coming for the whole last week. The last one had hinted they'd stop bothering with her and go straight to the source after that. Naturally, she knew he was surrounded by able, powerful protectors at Mahora, and yet...

"When will you leave, then?" she asked him that night, while lounging together watching a _Golden Girls rerun._

"In two weeks. Blondie's going to go on a class trip to... I dunno where this week, and she told me she'd meet me after that. "

"Ah," she sighed sadly. "I suppose there's no way to change your mind, then... "

"Nope. Sorry. But hey, no force on Earth will be able to pluck me apart from you either for the next—"

His cellphone rang to the X-Men animated series theme.

"Yeah?"

Raspy, loud growls from the other side of the line.

"Hey! Sabes! It's been a while! Where you been? You never called... or returned my calls... or my e-mails with—"

The growls grew fiercer and louder.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Bro. What? Another job? Where? Dunno, Sabes, I'm in the middle of a case right now... One I'm going very deep into... "

He whistled. "That much? Who else's on it? Seriously? Red and Deathstrike? No way! Like a Weapon X reunion! We're only missing Logan and the party hats! Can I bring the party hats? And the balloons? And—"

Nekane's gaze grew even sadder.

"Um, I mean, maybe I won't be able to—" he started again after a dubious pause.

"No. Go," she said bitterly, looking aside.

"But—"

"Go. That's your life. And I have mine. "

"Aw, Neks, that's just plain—"

"Go," she repeated, never looking at him. "Before you make this any harder. "

That night, after he was gone, she cried like she hadn't cried ever since that Christmas night.

The first demon's words came back to her mind.

**"We'll find him!"**

Nekane walked over to the closet and pulled out a white suit of her father, still in perfect conditions after so long.

She had just had an idea.

The Merdiana Dean had forbidden her from interfering with Negi's test. But masked men, she had just learned, knew of no rules, respected no bounds.

Angrily, Nekane worked on the suit all night long. Then the top hat. Then she added a mask. The mask was vital.

She remembered hearing about a masked man fighting crime at Japan using similar attire. Carrying a red rose...

She stripped down and suited up before the mirror, hiding her face behind the mask, tying back her long golden hair bishounen fashion. She stared at her reflection, and saw no woman. Before her stood an androgynous tall young gentleman (thank God for chest binds, even if they ached so much) with long hair, a perfect dandy with seductive blue eyes.

Maybe she had gone crazy after hanging out with him. Maybe. Looking at it now, as long as she made sure Negi was safe, she wouldn't care.

She practiced her best attempt of a roguish smile. It worked. Uncle Nagi would be proud.

She pinned a black rose on her jacket, and the transformation was complete.

Sometimes, you only had to think out of the little green boxes.

* * *

**Lovely Ariadne Theater, Part II: Daughter of her Father**

"Welcome back," the dark skinned blond beast girl said, not looking up from the thick tome she was reading. "Found any vile miscreants to pointlessly fight for the world's safety tonight?"

"Drop it, Collette. It ain't your style," the white feathered short girl mumbled, dropping down from the window and setting her bow and quiver aside, before letting herself fall into the bed's lower bunk, exhaling deeply. "Why are inactive nights always the tiresome ones?"

The blonde sighed and pushed her glasses up her nose. "I'm sorry, Gosalyn. It's just this whole campaign of yours... doesn't sit too well with me. Professor Macawber can't cover up for you forever, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually like doing so anyway. Face it; we live in the safest city state in this world. You aren't getting anything by going out night after night prowling rooftops with a bow and arrow. "

The duck girl hummed, resting her head on her pillow. "Yes, yes I do. It's... hard to explain. You'd have had to know _him_ to understand. " She paused briefly before asking, "By the way, you found anything new?"

"No. "

"Not even on necromancy?"

"I've told you, that material is off limits. "

"Time manipulation?"

"Nothing but an old comic where a character travels through time with a magical watch."

"Lasers?"

"I don't even know what those are."

"Come on! Nothing else?"

"Come to think about it, yes. I found a spell that makes you feel more relaxed and willing to abandon obsessive, dangerous ideas and just forge ahead with your own life. But I suppose you aren't interested... "

"Naaaaahhhh... "

Collet closed the book with a sigh. She hadn't been kidding about that last (somewhere, a _lot_ of people who knew angsty avengers they were trying to help out felt depressed, and didn't know why). "Gosalyn?"

"Yeah?"

"Is bringing your Dad back the only real reason why you joined this Academy? I mean, you sleepwalk through anything not related to it. You should at least be interested on the big, flashy, loud attack magic; that should be your thing, shouldn't it?"

The feathered redhead shrugged. "Maybe. But he didn't do things that way, so why should I?"

"... "

"I'm just sorry I never got to tell him that, you know?"

"Gosalyn?"

"Now what?"

"During all that time you were in suspended animation, when you tried to manipulate magic with that... thing... to bring him back... didn't you feel anything?"

"Not a single thing, nope. "

"Huh. I wonder if that's what being dead would feel like... "

"That's a very morbid thought, Collet," the duck girl pointed out. Then something on the small table caught her eye. "Are those cupcakes?"

"Oh, yes, I forgot. The Class Rep brought some earlier tonight. I told her you were off bathing. Apparently they were made by a friend of Twilight Sparkle's. And they're very good!"

"Nice. Can I have some?"

"Sure, help yourself. "

**OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!**

Elsewhere, Pinkie Pie paused in her baking duties again and looked back at the audience. "Oh, is this joke still on? Well, I'm busy, please buzz off. Apple Bloom! Are those cheese heads ready yet…?"

_Somewhere, Mami shuddered, clutching at her neck…_

* * *

**Baaaaaaka Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangers! Episode # 759:**

_We may be out of continuity,_

_But we won't show fragility._

_We may be nothing but a joke segment._

_But our butt kicking is simply excellent._

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! Struggling hard with homework!_

_Don't ever blame us, the writer is a dork!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! Chiu and the Prof took over the plot!_

_But who cares? We got a giant robot!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! No matter who loses or wins_

_At least we're not the Narutaki twins!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! PUTTING ALL EVILDOERS TO REST!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! SAVING THE WORLD, BUT FAILING THE TEST!_

…

"Asuna the Eagle!" the former Baka Red struck a brave pose.

"Kaede the Condor!" the former Baka Blue followed her example.

"Ku the Swan!" the former Baka Yellow pirouetted around.

"Yue the Owl!" the former Baka Black added her part.

"Makie the Swallow!" the former Baka Pink landed on her feet after an acrobatic jump, completing the team. "Yay! I wasn't interrupted this time!"

They stood proudly for a few minutes before Asuna deflated. "I still don't know...! It just isn't the same! And we might be sued, you know!"

"Anything is an improvement over being called **Baka** Rangers," Yue opined.

"These fake feathers itch a lot...!" Makie scratched herself. "And for some reason, Setsuna's starting to give me those weird glares she usually only gives Konoka!"

….

Sitting in the Golden Imperial Throne of Holy Chiu-ness, cute and evil Galactic Empress Chiu-chan fumed furiously, clutching her pink heart shaped scepter in her hands.

"Curses! Just when the Baka Rangers disappear, those blasted Baka Birds appear in their place! Who are they? Why do they oppose me? I need to capture them and learn all that! HAKASE!"

The evil mad scientist on Empress Chiu's service flashed in out of nowhere, bowing to her. "Mistress?"

"I need you to send yet another highly inefficient evil monster to terrorize Mahora City and capture the Baka Birds! I won't rest until I learn who they are!"

Hakase blinked. "Mistress, I'm pretty sure Asuna the Eagle, Kaede the Condor, Ku the Swan, Yue the Owl and Makie the Sparrow are Kagurazaka Asuna, Nagase Kaede, Ku Fei, Ayase Yue and Sasaki Makie, respectively. "

"Nonsense! Whatever gave you that idea? As if our stupid, incompetent and generally bland classmates might ever be the Baka Birds! Just deploy your monster already!"

"Yes, Mistress!" Hakase bowed away before retreating back.

"Ah, ha ha ha ha!" Empress Chiu laughed. "Chief of Tortures Saotome, prepare the special chamber! Soon, we'll have the Baka Birds as special guests here!"

The also evil, busty bespectacled goddess of torture grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "Roger, Ma'am! I can't wait to pluck those little cute birds! Especially Yue the Owl... I don't know why, but she reminds me of someone I crave _so very much... Ahhhhh... "_

"... Yeah. Okay," Empress Chiu then looked at the Evil Overlord Negi sitting on the throne next to hers, playing with a Nintendo 3DS. "Well, Husband? Aren't you going to say anything fittingly evil to close the scene, as well?"

Evil Overlord Negi shook his head. "I don't think we should be mean when we're being evil, Chisame-wife-san. The Baka Birds are good people; maybe we should just invite them over and discuss this with them peacefully. I'm sure they won't object with our dark domain over the planet once we explain things over... "

She sighed. "You're still too damn naive... We still have to work on that! Saotome! Prepare our private chamber!" she ordered.

"Immediately, Ma'am!" she grinned wickedly. "Can I finally join this time?"

"For the last time, NO!"

"Awwwwwww!"

…..

After a long hard session of newspaper-spreading badassery, fighting off the worst things the suburban Japanese neighborhoods have to offer, from extremely slow going cars to children beating up black cats with moon shaped bald spots on their foreheads, Kagurazaka Asuna got an urgent call from her wristwatch communicator!

"Baka Birds! It's me, Professor Akamatsu! The Chiu Empire has just unleashed a new monster in the middle of Mahora Public Library, during the Over Master press conference announcing his new book! Fortunately, there was no one there, but still, you must stop it immediately!"

"Dammit, Professor! I thought the whole point of changing costumes was so people would stop calling us 'Baka'!" Asuna protested. "Didn't you do the research this time? Shame on you! Just because you have a hot wife is no reason to shirk!"

"... No, that was done to sell more figurines and cosplay sets. See, I DID do the research! Now go there and stop the freaking monster," the Professor said.

Once at the Library, Yue the Owl was overcome with ghastly horror at the sight of a hideous beast destroying the most valuable treasures of culture!

"Gah! That despicable thing is destroying all the copies of _Decadent Habits!_ And the _To Love-Ru_ omnibuses! And the _Spaceship Agga Ruter_ novelizations! _The Complete Works of OverMaster! The Annotated Shadow Crystal Mage!_ And… GASP! It's putting copies of _Twilight_ in their place! Such **EVIL!"**

"Actually, no, that's just Governor Ish*h*ra doing his re-election book burning campaign," Kaede the Condor pointed in another direction. "There's the monster we're supposed to fight-de gozaru. "

A large, imposing figure stood challegingly at the other end of the Library. "BU-KAWWWK!"

"It's... It's Boo-sensei!" Makie the Swallow gasped. "Empress Chiu has turned Boo-sensei into a monster!"

"We can't just destroy him!" Asuna said. "He's an innocent human being, after all!"

"He's a giant chicken," Yue said.

"Again with that?" Ku shot her a disapproving glare. "Really Yue, what weird juices have you been drinking this time?"

"Hey, Nodoka doesn't mind when I drink from _there!"_

"BWAAAK, BUKAK, BUCK-KAWWK!"

Asuna scratched her head. "You sure we wouldn't be better fighting the other guy instead?"

Boo-sensei pecked around, picking a few bugs off the floor and eating them.

"... Maybe," Yue admitted.

"All those in favor?" Ku asked.

Asuna, Yue, Kaede and Boo-sensei-monster raised their hands. Or rather, wings. After another moment, Makie did so as well.

The following moments were filled with intense and bloody public figure bashing (in the literal sense) we can't show in this all publics, politically impartial site, so if we were an audiovisual medium, we'd just replace them with a montage of sequences of Chachamaru petting kitties. As it is, we will settle for a merely textual invitation to think of Chachamaru petting kitties.

... Damn, that's cute, isn't it?

...

Elsewhere, in the hidden chambers of Empress Chiu's castle, the Empress lay on her back smoking a cigarette lazily. "I wonder if that giant chicken already got them by now... "

Evil Overlord Negi cuddled at her side. "I tell you, he isn't a giant chicken... "

She smiled. "Mmmmm. Whatever. I'm more interested on getting reacquainted with another kind of cock... "

This segment's closing scenes, once again, have to be replaced with images of Chachamaru and kitties. We hope you don't mind.

Oh, and one week later, the Baka Birds were forced to become Baka Rangers again by, let's say Moe.

* * *

**Sailor V Says:**

"Akira-chan?" Yuuna finally looked up from the specially commissioned doujinshi she was reading. "Didn't you have another meeting with Minako-san for your new Whatever Club this afternoon?"

Akira shook her head from where she rested on the couch. "Today's just a filler chapter. We don't cover those. "

"Huh?" Makie asked.

"Never mind. Nothing important," Akira waved a hand.

Ako looked over Yuuna's shoulder. "Yuuna-chan? Uh, not to intrude, but… doesn't this man look a lot like your Dad, and doesn't this girl-?"

* * *

**Next: Negi in a Skirt. For real this time.**

Until then, be good! And leave reviews!

 


	33. The Real Lesson 28: The Long Road

_Unequally Rational and Emotional_

by OverMaster

**Lesson 28: The Long Road- or "Songs, Swords, Skirts and Suiting Up! "**

* * *

 

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Batman_ and all related characters are the property of DC Comics.

 _Madoka Magica_ and all its characters belong to SHAFT Studios.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing and slight amounts of cake. If you dislike excessive amounts of the aforementioned, I recommend this nice little story about a boy whose dog dies. It's a very important book. You know because it has a medal on it.

….

**Omake Prologue: I was a Protagonist once, you Know.**

The red-haired young boy pulled the letter out of the envelope and read through it. "Onee-san!" he called out. "Our scholarships have just been approved—!"

His busty, orange haired older sister busted into the room excitedly. "FOR MAHORA?-!-?"

"Tokiha Mai and Tokiha Takumi, you have been accepted to study at the prestigious Ohtori Academy…" he read verbatim.

Mai pulled on her short hair, screaming her rage to the heavens. "ARRRRGHHH! AND AFTER WAITING FOR MORE THAN THIRTY CHAPTERS, TOO—!"

….

 **Omake Prologue 2:** **Always Someone Better**

**_Very early that morning, before anyone else got up:_ **

"Hey…" Albert briefly tapped the other Chamo's shoulder as the resident ermine checked on the quality of their latest set of stolen panties.

"What?" the other Chamo said, barely paying him any attention.

"Who's that girl over there stealing _**those**_ panties from that clothesline?"

"Oh, that's Honsho-san. She sometimes does that when girls aren't putting up with her at all, and she can't get her daily dose of groping," Chamo explained.

"Wow! She's got excellent technique! She already took off with them all!" the other Chamo gasped.

"Yeah, she's pretty much a natural. I've thought of hooking her up with the Bro, but she's far too much of a… you know…"

"Shame on you! That's no obstacle for Aniki's charm, and you know it!"

"Hey, that girl isn't like Konoka-chan or Setsuna-nee! She's a hardcore case! She starts getting ill when she's five minutes alone with a man! And it's the 'about to puke' kind of ill, not the Honya-chan's 'Blushing so hard I think I'll die' kind of ill!" A beat. "She's also beaten me to my targets more than once. She's a really fast one…"

Albert looked down. Where Chamo had the panties moments before, there was absolutely nothing now. "I'll say…!"

….

**Act One: Those Three Girls.**

CLICK.

Konoka awoke from a rather nice dream of Setsuna giving her a massage soapland-style as she heard the sharp, mechanical sound. She came to herself slowly. The bed-linens felt unfamiliar, the mattress strange.

CLICK.

Blearily, she opened her eyes, and found herself staring at the business end of a camera. "Bwhah?" she said intelligently as a line of drool trickled down the corner of her mouth.

An unfamiliar face moved into view. "Good morning, Konoe-san. Did you sleep well?"

Konoka blinked in confusion, before the CPU finally got into gear. "Tsunetsuki-san?" she finally managed to recall.

"Ah, sorry, Ojou-sama," Setsuna said, finally lowering the camera she'd been holding. The swordsgirl seemed unusually perky, never mind the camera. "Did I wake you? Matoi-chan had a lens I wanted to try out, and the light around you was just too perfect to pass up."

The mage-girl felt she was using up her confusion quota for the day as she pushed herself up on her elbows, looking around. The curtains were open, bathing the room in morning light. It reflected off the floor, filling her bunk with a soft, muted glow. She didn't really see what was so special about it. "I…see?"

Matoi clapped her hands. "Come on, let's develop the film and see how it turned out, Set-chan!"

The two headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind them as Konoka blinked at their retreating backs. She pinched herself, and was assured she was awake. She was getting _really_ worried about Setsuna…

 ** _SHE_** was supposed to be the mysterious, chessmastery, unflappable, quirky one in this relationship, darn it!

Sighing, she stretched and got ready to make breakfast, hoping the two didn't monopolize the bathroom for too long…

….

**Act Two: You know that Thing that Happened Three Lessons Ago?**

Misa rolled around in bed, grumbling as the beeping of her cellphone finally reached her ears and interrupting a very nice dream where Negi and Negi took her from the front and the back as a girl who looked exactly like her worked on her breasts.

"Nnnghhh. Sakurako…"

There was a soft grunt coming from the bunk above hers. "Get it yourself. It's your phone, Misa-chan…"

Kakizaki muttered a few illogical things as she wormed out of bed rubbing her eyes and grabbed the phone. "Moshi-Moshi?"

There was a distinctive melodramatic male voice at the other end of the line.

"Ah, it's you, Itoshiki-sensei," she yawned. "What do you want so early? Ehh? A date? Well, I'm honored, but I'm trying to stay focused on Neg— Oh, not a date? Sorry, sorry! Please don't shoot yourself! So it's only a meeting, okay? Yeah, I'll bring Sakurako over, sure. Uh-huh. Yeah, I got it. Don't worry, Madoka—" She looked at the empty bunk at the other side of the room. "Well, we'll have to find out where's Madoka first, but we'll cope."

Sakurako lifted up her sleepy head, looking down at her. "Oh? Madoka hasn't arrived yet?"

"Nope," Misa shook her head, eyeing the empty bed with concern as she cut the call. "I'm starting to get worried. It isn't like her, to do this! _I'm_ supposed to be the one staying out late and not coming back to the dorm, darn it!"

"Well, we already called Kikukawa-sempai last night and told her to be on the lookout. Not much more we can do," Sakurako opined. "Maybe we should get her a Pactio with Negi-kun! That way, we could contact her through the cards, too!"

Misa's brow twitched. "I… I think Negi-kun already has enough kissing partners, Sakurako-chan. By the way, Despair-sensei called. He wants us to meet him and those two girls he told us about yesterday in a couple hours. If Madoka comes before that, we'll tell her we need to go buy clothes for Negi-kun. In a way, it isn't even a lie…"

Right after they had finished with breakfast were dressing up for the meeting, a tired looking Madoka stumbled in through  
the door. Even so, Kugimiya seemed actually happy to see them again, although she didn't express it with any words.

"Whoa there, Madoka!" Misa told her. "We were sick worried about you! You weren't answering our calls, and no one knew where you were! We even alerted the authorities!"

"You did? Oh. Thanks," Madoka blushed, ashamed. "Sorry about all that. The curfew caught me too far from here, so I had to spend the whole night over at Nagato-sempai's, and my cellphone died on me," she said. "Sorry again. To compensate, I'll be making dinner for you tonight." Then she noticed both of them were getting dressed for a day out. "And where are you going, anyway?"

"Oh, we're going to buy clothes with Negi-kun and Satomi-chan!" Sakurako giggled. "Now we know you're okay, we can leave without worrying. Wanna come with us, Madoka-chan?" She dearly hoped Madoka would say no, but she couldn't just deny her the chance without looking suspicious…

Luckily, her good luck kept itself active, and Madoka dropped down on the couch. "Maybe next time. I'm dead tired right now."

Misa smiled maliciously.

"No, I wasn't doing anything like **that** with Nagato-sempai!" Madoka tossed a cushion into Misa's face.

"… I didn't say anything!" Misa feigned innocence.

….

**Act Three: Early Visitations.**

That morning, while washing the breakfast dishes, a cheerfully whistling Twilight Red was startled when a man's face hit the glass of the nearest window. In a flash, she was in a defensive stance, magic and chi swirling inside in her _kanka_ , fist drawn back to strike. It was then she registered two things. One, the guy was hanging upside down. Two, he was…

"Despair… I mean, Itoshiki-sensei, right?" she asked, blinking as the Chisames, the Chamos, Hakase and both Negis entered the kitchen behind her, attracted by the commotion. "What are you doing here, and what's the big idea trying to scare me like that?-! I could have blown your head off!"

The adult teacher sighed melancholically. "They say every woman is a temptress in some way."

Asuna frowned very deeply. "What?"

"Good morning, Itoshiki-sensei!" Young Negi greeted him rather cheerfully, much to his counterpart's disbelieving confusion.

"Nice of you to drop by," Chamo snickered, fishing for a cigarette. "What brings you here, though? I mean, other than tempting Alternate Sis here to use your head as a punching bag?"

"Good morning, everyone," Nozomu said respectfully. "Very early today, I was contacted by Gandolfini's two star disciples, the ones he mentioned yesterday in the teachers' meeting. They say they want to meet us at the main Academy auditorium right now, since the situation is so highly unusual and urgent."

"So early?" Hakase complained. "I wanted to make up for all the lost time in my latest project…"

The local Negi offered the man a buttered toast. "Have you had breakfast already, Sensei?"

"… I knew I was forgetting something. Thank you very much," he accepted the bread and began to elegantly bite on it. "Regardless, I already have contacted Kasuga-san, Kakizaki-san and Kaga-san. They will be joining us shortly."

"Okay… sure," Erebus looked up at him, noticing he was hanging from the roof, tied around an ankle. "Wouldn't it have been easier to use the front door?"

"Oh, this unfortunate position? I was attempting to hang myself in a stress-caused anxiety attack over telling you this," Itoshiki explained calmly. "Unluckily, I was so nervous I messed the roping up and slipped."

"You don't look very nervous," Asuna remarked.

"No, actually, the blood going down to my head has numbed my mind enough to fix my anxiety attack, although I'm feeling a notable difficulty to express myself with coherent words right now…"

Erebus sighed. "I'll go look for a stairway and get you down from there…"

"Take your time," Itoshiki said as he slowly turned. "The view up here is actually pretty nice… I should bring a camera next time…"

….

**Act Four: How I Met Your Stripper.**

The Academy's main auditorium was chilly, and not only because the air conditioners were at maximum. Chisame's teeth also chattered because of her nervousness. What had Itoshiki-sensei been thinking, bringing them along with their doubles for that reunion with Gandolfini's protegees? Was he so desperate to drag them down in his own downfall?

Next to her, Hakase simply looked bored, looking in all directions and eyeing Karakuri and the two robot maids Calculator had insisted on bringing along. Sakurako sat right next to the teen genius, happily hugging her right arm. Misa seemed to be stifling yawns, sending trivial text messages to Madoka. Misora was even more nervous than Chisame, but Cocone retained her cool, detached attitude. Ai whimpered and sobbed, trying to stay hidden behind Itoshiki and Negi, while Matoi simply sat behind Chisame, keeping that unnerving gaze of hers on her. Asuna was simply taking a few Pepsi cans out of the nearest dispensing machine.

As for their visitors, both McDowell and Karakuri stood apart from the group with their respective counterparts. For some reason, the Evangelines **did** seem to be getting along somewhat better today. Saotome, or Deathnote, flipped through a Yaoi doujinshi without any care in the world, simply muttering, "Meh, I could do far better…" Ayase and Miyazaki were rather stiff, almost ready to dash out for an escape at any given moment. Magus Erebus was similarly alert but more at ease, with Calculator and Kagurazaka at each side. Konoe and Sakurazaki stayed nearby, the latter watching over the confident looking former, naturally.

Then Itoshiki lifted his depressed head up, looking at the two figures who had just appeared at the door. Everyone else also tensed up to some degree or another.

"Sensei," the taller figure spoke, stepping in and revealing herself to be an older student, physically very similar to Ayaka, but taller and even curvier, wearing a long black dress and a white hat. Her sharp grey eyes moved straight to Nozomu, unflinching. "I was told everything by Gandolfini-sensei. Is it all true? Even coming from him, I find it difficult to believe!"

Chisame scowled. She never liked a person who ignored greeting a large group of people upon meeting them.

"Good morning, Takane-kun," Itoshiki replied evenly. Everyone was kind of puzzled about the '-kun' treatment, something they had never seen him using while addressing girls. Much less referring to them by their first name. "See and judge it for yourself. Oh, and good morning to you too, Mei-san."

"G-Good morning, Sensei!" the shorter girl following the tall blonde nodded. She was very pretty, although only around 13 years old, and had shorter cinnamon colored hair. Thin and petite, with large nervous eyes. Apparently she was much more polite than her companion, quickly bowing for everyone. "Pleased to meet you! I'm Sakura Mei, and this is my Oneesama, Takane D. Goodman-sama!"

"G-Good morning…" Negi, the native one, gulped.

"Good morning!" Ai bowed back. "Sorry to take time from your no doubt busy agenda to bother you with our presence! I mean, my presence! Sorry!" she turned to the others. "I didn't mean **your** presence was bothersome at all!"

"I can introduce myself, Mei-chan," the other girl huffed, glaring at the now giggling Haruna. "What's so funny, may I ask?"

"Nothing," Deathnote said, shaking her head. Her grin wasn't helping.

"Hnh," Takane walked to her, hands on her hips. "So, you really come from another world, don't you? Tell me, what are your intentions for this world, then?"

Haruna grinned, then stood up gesturing grandly. "I plan to… TAKE OVER THIS UNIVERSE!" she cackled.

A moment later, both Asunas' giant paper fans had slammed themselves down on her head.

Ayase sighed, shaking her head. "Excuse her. That's her idea of humor."

Takane, however, was too busy staring blankly at the nearly identical Asunas to listen to her. Then she turned back to Itoshiki, yelling, "YOU HAVE INVOLVED LOCAL STUDENTS IN THIS!"

"Well, as matter of fact, they involved themselves, sort of…" he began.

Takane twirled around again and pointed at Ai, Matoi, Chisame, Misa, Hakase, Sakurako and Asuna. "YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! And YOU! Do you realize what have you walked into?-! And above it all, YOU!" she screamed at Negi. "Most of these are your students, aren't they? And YOURS!" she told Springfield. "Oh my God, this is worse than I thought! YOU are exposing magic to everyone in your world, and now YOU want to do the same thing to ours! I'll see you all turned into ermines for this!"

"Takane-kun," Itoshiki began.

"Yes, even you, Sensei!" she accused, aiming a finger at his face.

His eyes narrowed. "If I remember it correctly, you still owe me a favor," he said.

Takane and Mei paled instantly.

"A… favor?" Misa asked.

Nozomu nodded, pushing his glasses up. "Indeed. Takane-kun, I still haven't forgotten that shameful incident you involved yourselves in while I was instructing you. It still pains me, the memory of that sad day when I found you naked in the boys' bathroom…"

"… What?" Misa asked, her interest piqued.

"Ah?" the Negis said at once, blushing deeply.

McDowell rolled her eyes. "Typical of Goodman."

Haruna grinned evilly. "Oh, this is gonna be good…"

"S-S-S-Sensei!" the blonde gasped. "I've explained it time and time again! It was an accident! We were chasing that monster before anyone could see it, it hid in there, we couldn't let it go, and then—!"

Itoshiki hummed absently. "I wonder if Gandolfini-sensei will be as inclined to believe that story, and to forgive you, as I was…"

"You wouldn't!" the two girls were terrified.

"Perhaps not. If you, in turn, are kind enough to calm down and share this secret of ours…" he looked aside and scratched his chin innocently.

Takane's eyes became solid black circles.

"Onee-sama…" Mei clung to one of her wrists. "There's no one more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose…"

Misa looked at Matoi. "Wow, your Sensei's got more guts than I thought…"

Matoi shrugged. "I guess. Not everyone can stand up to Chiri on a daily basis and survive…"

Ayase suddenly frowned. "Has anyone seen Kuro?"

Hasegawa jerked, wide-eyed. "Crap! We forgot all about her! By now she's probably molested half the grade-school!"

Erebus frowned at that. "She's not as bad as that, Chisame-chan. I think Kuro really only kisses people she _really_ likes. Her reputation's a bit over-inflated in that regard."

The door suddenly opened, and Kuro waltzed in, a silly grin on her face. "Sorry I'm late. I was hanging around the grade school. Did you know the local versions of some of my classmates live here?" There was a multi-layered handprint-shaped mark on her face.

"You were saying?" Asuna said dryly.

"Were you talking about me?" Kuro said, skipping down towards them as Takane, Mei, Chisame, Ai and Negi stared at her highly revealing red and black outfit in mute horror. The breastplate and a few square inches of black leather seemed to be the only things keeping her modesty intact. She crossed the space very quickly, each skip taking up meters. "Say, Red, can you do me a favor?"

Kagurazaka frowned at her. "What?"

Kuro grinned, landed next to her and…

Kagurazaka's eyes went wide as she was grabbed, and before she could react…

**_KISS! WITH TONGUE! PRACTICALLY MOUTH-RAPE! DEFINITELY PACTIO QUALITY!_ **

Kuro eventually disengaged, a line of drool trailing between their mouths obscenely as Mei started to hyperventilate. Deathnote had pulled out a pen and sketchpad and was frantically making sketches at goddess of mangaka-speeds, grinning widely the whole time. Chisame had covered Negi's eyes, blushing furiously. Curiously, Cocone only had her head tilted to one side in frowning consideration.

Ala Alba training and womanly instincts finally kicked in, and Twilight Red, the Twilight Imperial Princess and battle-field leader of the Ministra Magi of Ala Alba suddenly glared in crimson probably-fury. " ** _KURO NO HENTAI!_** "

Kuro easily back-flipped from the sudden slash of the harisen, landing lightly a little ways away. "Yes! Kuro-chan at maximum power! Thanks for the treat!" she said, blowing a kiss at Asuna.

Chamo and Albert stared at Kuro, mouths open and drooling. "I wish we had someone like her," Chamo said. "Think of the Pactios…!"

"Don't you think I've tried?" Albert said, sighing wistfully. "She's so frustrating… Kuro-chan, are you _sure_ you won't consider hooking up with Aniki here?"

Kuro smiled familiarly at the ermine. "Sorry, Chamo-kun! Negi-chan is cute and girly, but he has too much dick for my tastes. Besides, you _know_ the only man I want to be shoved roughly to the ground by as he rips of my clothes and forcefully violates my untouched loli pussy is my Onii-chan. Ah, Shiro-niichan!" she cried, putting a hand to her cheek and looking off in a starry-eyed fashion that reminded the girls _way_ too much of Ayaka.

"I'm a boy!" Erebus snapped, before blinking. "Oh, right, Green Lantern-chan's not here…"

Negi looked at him curiously. "What was that about?"

"You don't want to know," Negi said, sighing sadly.

Chamo was crying. " _SO_ much win, that girl…!"

"Why can't you girls be more like her?" Albert cried.

" _Me Armet,_ " Yue said, Souken appearing in her hands. She leveled it at his throat, the point lightly pricking his skin. " _Confirmatio Glacias._ You have some kind of objection to how I've built myself, Chamo-kun?"

Albert gulped. "N-no, Yuecchi, just, ah, bemoaning, that's all."

"How nice," Yue said, pulling a cool smile she'd copied from Signum. Effortlessly twirling the enormous weapon, she tucked it away again.

Everyone turned the shocked looks at her. "W-where did you learn THAT?-!" Takane demanded.

"Ariadne Mage Knight Academy," Yue said lightly. "I was one of their Valkyries."

"Impossible," Cocone breathed. "The Valkyries only take the best. Most students have to settle for being members of lesser war-maiden units."

Yue's smile got a trifle more smug. "Your point is?"

Misa and Asuna were staring just as widely. "Holy crap!" Misa cried. "Their Yue's a badass!"

Yue shrugged again. "Well, I was only there for a month. You can't expect me to become Jack Rakan in that time. 'Badass' was as much as I could reach before we had to deal with that organization that tried to destroy the world."

Itoshiki paused, processing this and paling slightly. "Jack… Jack Rakan…" Itoshiki shuddered in place. "Does he… still give 'wedgies'?"

"… 'Wedgies'?" Magus Erebus asked.

"You know, that gag where you pull up the downtrodden and easily mockable's underwear, causing a painful effect and tons of humiliation," the man explained. "Did he ever do that to you? He used to tell me it was part of the initiation into Ala Rubra…"

"He must have gotten softer in his old age, because he never did anything like that to Negi-sensei," Calculator said, right before looking at Springfield with a stare that could have cracked stone. "Because he never did, right?"

"O-Of course he didn't!"

Nozomu hummed thoughtfully. "I see…"

A beat.

"So, he liked to push his hand into your underwear and pull it up? He was coming on you!" Deathnote said, one eyebrow raised, smirking slightly. "Dumbass, you should have taken him up on it!"

Itoshiki cringed. "Looking back at it, maybe it's for the best I wasn't accepted into that team!"

Matoi gave him a look. "Didn't you once sleep with a man?"

"THAT MANGA CHAPTER IS NOT IN CONTINUITY WITH THIS FIC!" Itoshiki cried.

"W-well, regardless," Takane said, turning to regard the newcomers with a frown. "What do I call you? Given how some of you are versions of other people here, it could become confusing in conversation."

"W-well, we've been differentiating each other by la–" Nodoke began, only to be cut off by Haruna.

"Heh he he…" the mangaka said, head bowed. "How rude of us Takane-san, not formally introducing ourselves. Chachamaru, MUSIC!"

Chachamaru tilted her head and, looking at Evangeline for permission– who gave it by not saying anything to the contrary– and acquiesced, her ear antenna unfolding, extending several pairs of narrow rods from each one, which then unfolded out slightly. They began to vibrate, and shockingly, music began to fill the air.

_Kawashita yakasuko wasurenai yo…_

"Haruna!" Yue, Erebus and Nodoka protested.

"Oh, hush you three!" she said as she reached into her into her pocket for her Artifact. "You need to get used to this! After all, how are people supposed to tell Magical Girls– and Boys– apart from boring superheroes if we don't _tell_ them! _Adeat!_ "

_Me wo toji tashikameru…_

Haruna leapt into the air in a graceful leap, going farther than Chisame would have thought. There was a flash of light and a sort of warping in the air as if an entire transformation sequence were compressed into a nanosecond. When Haruna touched down again, she wore a big, kinda poofy hat, a ridiculously overdone mask with crests and CLAMP wings and jeweled shapes and should probably weighed two pounds, and a rather stylized apron with long, wide, stiff ties behind. Beneath the apron was a black minidress. Long black gloves covered her arms nearly to her shoulders, and long black stockings and extremely heavy, almost military boots were on her feet.

_Oshiyoseta yami furiharatte susumuyo…_

She plucked a book hovering before her, its pages opening as she drew a feather quill from a bottle attached to it and made several quick gestures, drawing on the book. Instantly, a stage appeared beneath her, cherry blossoms beginning to swirl. "Protectors of the books of Mahora! Explorers by day, lovers by night, Magical Girls by our own courage! We are Magical Girls Biblion, the Elite Library Island Explorers Club Division, Ala Alba!" She took another pose, twirling the book and quill like a gunslinger in a spaghetti western. "Fearless artist and future ruler of the Worlds! Mangaka without peer or equal, and Organizer of the United Magical Girls' Association of Earth, I am Kira Deathnote Paru-sama!" She slashed her arm outward, pointing with her quill like a sword.

_Itsu ni nattara nakushita mirai wo…_

The music rose to a crescendo, the lyrics beginning to rush in. Impulsively, Misa and Sakurako began to clap and cheer. Chisame, Negi, Takane and Nozomu stared, jaws slacked.

"I'm having strange Ala Rubra flashbacks…" the older man muttered.

_Watashi koko de mata miru koto dekiru no?_

Konoka skipped forward, dragging a blushing Setsuna. It was clear that the swordsgirl was reluctant to do this, and equally clear she was even more reluctant not to do as Konoka asked. " _Adeat!_ " the longer-haired girl cried, also doing a practiced jump and twirl. There was no doubt about it now: she _was_ jumping hire than she should.

Konoka landed wearing a white, long-sleeved outfit, little reddish triangles on the border forming a distinctive pattern. She held a folding fan in each hand, and posed quite cutely with them, her thigh-length leather boots giving her sure footing. She too wore a domino mask beneath her white, pointy wizard's hat. "Healing the pains of the fallen, relieving the suffering of the hurt, protecting our cute prince Negi-kun from harm, Magical Girl Magus Albus is here!" she chirped.

Asuna tilted her head, one side of her face beginning to pull back in a smile. "O-kay, I can see Konoka-chan doing that…"

_Afuredashita fuan no kage wo nando demo saite…_

Setsuna, blushing, pulled out her Pactio Card, took one last embarrassed look at her audience, and thrust the Card over her head, her arm straight. " _Adeat!_ "

The light came and went, revealing…

Jaws dropped. After all, Nozomu, Negi, Misora and Cocone hadn't really gotten a good look during the fight, and things had been too distracted afterwards for them to see more then brief glances before Setsuna had gotten changed. But now…

Chamo was wide-eyed, huffing in a nearly obscene manner. "Is she a…?-!"

"Cat-eared meido," Albert confirmed, feeling possessively proud of Setsuna. He winked at his double. "With a _mask._ "

Chamo's huffing got worse.

_Kono sekai ayun de kou…_

Now holding Yuunagi and the shorter, less mundane unsheathed blade of Takemikazuchi, Setsuna tried to look tall and proud. "T-taking wing from on high, protecting the innocent, defending the weak, my blades serve the cause of j-justice! Magical Girl Meido AngelGARd!" Then as if to try and match the others, she twirled Takemikazuchi and made a show of licking the blade that would have made Tsukuyomi proud. It was… Freudian.

The combined kinkiness sent Chamo into overdrive, and he seemed to faint.

"Holy crap, Setsuna-san!" Misa cried out. "I didn't know you were so bold!"

"Her skirt's so short I think I can see her pan–" Sakurako began, only to cut off and look at Hakase in embarrassment. "N-not that I was looking at her skirt specifically or anything."

 _Tomedonaku kizamareta toki ha ima hajimari tsuge…_ Yue, surprisingly– or perhaps not, given what she'd just done– took a deep breath and stepped forward, drawing a Pactio Card of her own. For a moment, she looked at the younger Negi, and seemed to smirk for a moment, winking. Then she raised the card above her head. " _Adeat!_ " she cried, as she time there was a distinct sound. Metal on metal, thick and heavy. When Yue landed, she was dressed head to toe in black armor, with what looked like decorative wings on the back, a helmet sturdy-looking enough to host its own siege, and the long Souken which was significantly longer than the Yue was tall. Her visor was raised, a black domino mask on her own face underneath. _Kawaranai omoi wo nose…_

Yue held the Souken professionally, looking as solid as a rock. Negi, who'd fought her, knew this was an illusion. "I am the daughter of philosophers," Yue announced. "The world of wisdom and knowledge is mine. I am a student of Ariadne. We are the Maidens of War. I am a Magical Girl. We are they who fight for Truth, Love, and Justice. I am Ala Alba. We have saved the world. I am a Ministra Magi of the son of the Thousand Master, savior of worlds! We are the reason why!" Yue slashed at the air, cold emanating from her weapon. "Magical Girl Magistra Magi Valkyrie Black, ready for action!" She leveled the Souken dramatically. "Fall before my blade."

"Inconceivable!" Takane cried. "That is the armor of a Valkyrie of Ariadne! With the special knots denoting honorable service! And that golden pentagram is awarded only to veterans of the final action of the great war years ago!"

Yue shrugged. "As I said, I only had a few months. I never even managed to graduate."

"How has Collete-san been doing, by the way?" Nodoka asked.

Chisame frowned. "Who's Collete?"

"One of Yue's harem in Ariadne," Albert said.

Chamo choked. "W-what!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?"

"I-IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Yeah, right," Haruna said.

_Tozasareta tobira akeyou…_

Then Kagurazaka snorted, pulling out her own Card. " _Adeat!_ " she cried as she spun and leapt. Like Yue's transformation, there was the sound of metal. Asuna landed heavily, a sword only slightly smaller than Yue's in hand, the sword from her Pactio Card. She wore lighter armor than Yue's, if still seemingly as encompassing. Gauzy cloth and some kind of heavy fabric made a kind of skirt over her armored legs, with stylish belts and buckles in some places. Her head was bare though, black silk ribbons tying back her hair, a black silk domino mask in place. A cape that fell down to her calves hung from her back, buckled onto her sturdy, hole-free breastplate. Heavy shoulder guards on her arms could have doubled as castle towers.

"Daughter of the Crimson Wings, princess of the lonely tower, I am the first warrior of the Prince of Battles!" Kagurazaka cried dramatically. Say what you will, she could dramatically declare with the best of them. Eva's lessons were _very_ thorough. "By the will of the Last True Queen, I guard the crown jewel of the kingdom of the skies! Let the fools who oppose me fall to the power I alone possess! Magical Girl Ministra Magi Twilight Red, Audacia Paula!"

_Mezameta kokoro ha hashiridashita mirai wo egaku tame…_

A tentacle thing drawn by Haruna poked at Nodoka, pushing her forward slightly. She eeped, staring at their audience, and seemed to melt. Then she firmed, like melting had been wax-washing away from an iron core, and she drew her own card. " _ADEAT!_ "

Her outfit was simple, so to speak, white, with pants that tucked into her boots, a functional breastplate, and a bunny backpack. A long, elaborate piece of jewelry covered her right forefinger, and she wore some kind of earpiece "Tomb Raider, Treasure Hunter, and proud member of Ala Alba! Psycho Purple!" she declared, voice suddenly _very_ un-Nodoka-like, proud, strong, determined. Suddenly, Misora could _easily_ believe this girl could kick her ass…

_Muzukashii michi de tachidomatte mo…_

Negi paused, looking very embarrassed, but suddenly straightened. Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out a mask, putting it on his face. His hands began weaving in a complex pattern, and suddenly his skin seemed to darken, even as swirling, spiraling sigils began to glow on the backs of his 's eyes bulged, jaw dropping, her finger snapping up to point.

"Th-that's–!"McDowell hummed as she reached over and smoothly shut Evangeline's mouth, finger momentarily caressing skin. Both shuddered.

"Hush," the unleashed vampire whispered. "Let the boya show off…"

Negi completed his gestures, fists at hips, elbows thrust back. His face became shadowed, suddenly looking imposing. " _Actus Noctis Erebea!_ Defender of Truth and Justice, protector of the weak, Magister Magi Magus Erebus, ready for action!"

"Magus Erebus…" Evangeline breathed, eyes widening. "Of COURSE…!"

"Wait 'til you see what he's done with it," Mcdowell whispered back, and Evangeline arched an eyebrow. Had that been _possessive pride_ in the other vampire's voice?

_Sora ha kirei na aosa de itsumo mattete kureru…_

Haruna beckoned, and after a hesitant glance at her Master– who once more allowed it by saying nothing–Karakuri stepped forward, drawing a Pactio Card from a pocket of her black dress. Hakase and Chachamaru both tensed, staring at the card as Karakuri took center stage. She raised it. " _Adeat,_ " she said, and unlike the others, who'd spoken with either pride or determination, her voice was filled with… joy.

The light wrapped around her, leaving her in a formfitting bodysuit. Her antenna had changed, looking like a pair of cat ears now, and a long, flexible tube sprouted from her lower, _lower_ back. Above that seemed to be a set of small, jet-like wings. She held what looked like a water-pistol in the shape of a black kitten with one eye folded her arms before her and bowed politely. "I am Karakuri Chachamaru, a Ministra Magi of Ala Alba, in the service of Negi Springfield and Evangeline A.K. McDowell. A pleasure to meet you, Takane-san." She tilted her head and smiled, brightly, radiantly, exuding a nearly Satsuki-level aura of peace, kindness and contentment.

Itoshiki fell to his knees at the sheer power of it, his head filling with odd thoughts, like the innate beauty of the world, how tomorrow could become a better day, and how his students all had some inner core of goodness within them. "Such… power!" he gasped. "My mind…! Can't… comprehend…!"

_Dakara kowakunai…_

"Wow…!" Sakurako said wonderingly, eyes sparkling. "They really are real Magical Girls!"

"I want to be like that…" Misa agreed. "Teach me to be like that!"

Chisame's face was unreadable, her eyes flat as she looked over the arrayed Ala Alba before her. Her fingers twitched, and she resisted the urge to give voice to what she wanted to say…

And then Calculator stepped forward, her own Card in her hands. The various local Ministra blinked, surprised by the sudden turn of events. Calculator's lips moved, and though there was no sound, Chisame could clearly make out the muttered word.

" _Amateurs._ "

Calculator strode to center stage, her steps firm and sure. Then, with an easy grace, she flicked the card into the air and…

Jaws dropped.

She whirled, she pirouetted, her hair flying about like it had a beautiful life of its own. Her hands traced complex, sinuous patterns in the air as, eyes closed, her feet tapped through the steps of an elaborate, twirling dance. Every part of her _moved_ , every part drawing attention and focus. She spun, her hands spinning to trace a circle in the air as, with a final movement to put goddesses to shame, she finally plucked the Card out of the air. " _Adeat!_ "

The light flared, and her clothes reformed into the black sailor-styled skirt and top of Biblion Rouland Rouge, complete with a long black tail and little horns on her head. A heart-topped staff with trailing ribbons nearly identical to Chisame's own appeared in the air, and Calculator snapped it up with a smooth, practiced gesture, eyes still closed, carelessly twirling it between her fingers quickly enough to give Makie a run for her money. She never stopped moving, every gesture part of a seamless, nearly divine dance. It made one want to reach for clichés like 'poetry in motion', then toss them angrily away for still not managing to convey the ethereal, ephemeral beauty of the moment as one made do with Purple Prose. Chamo, Albert and Matoi all erupted in nosebleeds as every swing and thrust of her hips sent her skirt flying, shamelessly and with no regard whatsoever revealing her black, lacy panties and the accompanying garters that supported her stockings.

"Guiding the Magical Girls of the world, I am the voice that directs their power!" Calculator said, her voice ringing with pride, strength, flirtatiousness, nearly lethal levels of moe, command, and self-assurance. "The Sword of Promised Victory is my blade to wield, the knights of Regina Diabolica march at my command, the princesses of the stars dance to my song, the stars that gather break my enemies with their emerald light!" She finally opened her eyes, her lips curving in a saucy, flirtatious smile, eyes half-lidded for maximum devastation. Matoi found her panties suddenly becoming quite moist, and she wasn't the only one. Itoshiki discretely tried to rearrange his pants. "I! AM! YOUR! NEW! GODDESS! I see all! I know all! I _AM_ ALL! Magical Girl Net Goddess Calculator-chan, ne?" She suddenly smiled wide before winking, the simple gesture conveying such pure eroticism Matoi's knees collapsed out from under her. She was muttering Chisame's name over and over again, interspersed with how she couldn't choose, she needed to have both.

" _Worship me…_ " Calculator breathed, her voice carrying.

"Okay…" a dazed Misa found herself saying. Matoi fainted, a happy grin on her face, both nostrils bleeding.

_Mou nani ga atte mo kujikenai…_

Itoshiki Nozomu stared blankly at Kagurazaka's valiant, noble pose, feeling long forgotten memories flowing back into him as the music faded. Not memories of happier times (he always had been just that sad), but those of days when life teased him with alternatives more often.

Misora of all people noticed the brief shade of red running over his pale cheeks, right before his dryly cynical, tired usual attitude resurfaced again. "That… That was too over the top," he said. "And the spaces between sets of lyrics were strangely long…"

The local Asuna was having a very different reaction. "You got the cool sword! YOU GOT THE COOL SWORD!" She stomped her way over to her counterpart, all but pushing Takane aside, crying cartoony streams of tears as she yanked the Pactio card out off Kagurazaka's hand and stared at it, trying to find any detail that could set it apart from hers. "But it's perfectly identical! So how come you get the really cool sword, with nice shiny armor to boot, and I only get a stupid-ass giant paper fan?-!"

Sakurako thought it over, placing a finger on her own lips, before guessing, "… Maybe you need a deeper relationship with Negi-kun to achieve the complete form of the Artifact?"

Asuna's eyes became a green circle and a blue one, both lacking pupils. "A **deeper** relationship?-!"

Chamo chuckled, rubbing his furry chin. "I'd say it's worth a try, Nee-san…"

Once she finally was done stomping on him, Asuna gave into Negi's pleas to let him go, choosing to focus back on the older Kagurazaka. "Tell me you didn't get it that way! It was training, right? Right? Please tell me I can get that too without needing to do icky things with the brat!"

"Please tell me I can get weapons like those DOING icky things with—!" Misa began.

"DAMMIT, KAKIZAKI!" Asuna yelled at her.

Negi's face had curved into a disturbed grimace. "Okay, now even _I_ can tell they're thinking of things that should never cross their minds…"

Itoshiki nodded. "Maybe you should wait outside. And you as well…" he told Erebus. "Perhaps even me…"

"Oh, you men are such hypocrites!" Deathnote rolled her eyes.

Twilight Red rolled her eyes and made to whack at Haruna. Halfway there, her sword turned into a paper fan, safely smacking the mangaka on the noggin before changing back into a deadly weapon as she rested it point-first next to her. "Don't worry, it was _just_ training. What do you think this is, some kind of crappy lemon fanfic with sucky grammar, bad formatting and no plot? You'll get the hang of it eventually. I'm pretty sure if you were ever _really_ in trouble or in a situation that made you _really_ angry you'll get the sword too."

"Promise?" Asuna asked, pouting with almost child-like cuteness. Twilight nodded.

Chisame abruptly stepped forward, staring at her counterpart. She hadn't _stopped_ staring at her counterpart. Neither had the others, for that matter, though sense was coming back to some of them. "Um," Hakase said, clearing her throat, trying to push the blush out of her face. "Well… that was quite… surprising of you, Hasegawa-san?"

"Surprising…?" Calculator purred, somehow managing to look moe while doing it. "Is that all you can say, Hakase-san?" She said the name like an intimate caress, and everyone shuddered. "If you knew anything about mou hitori no boku, then you'd know… _a Cosplayer has no shame…_ "

Chisame nodded vigorously, never taking her eyes off her counterpart. "Spoken like a true follower of the way of the Cosplayer!" she cried with a sudden vigorous enthusiasm that proved she belonged in 3-A.

Itoshiki blinked. Okay, now even the Chisames were getting weird on him. He resisted the urge to run to the nearest window and see if the skies were red.

Matoi slowly returned to consciousness as Konoka– Magus Albus– finished working her healing magic on her. "Uh…" the stalker moaned. "I had such a strange dream… I dreamed Chisame-sama had a sexy twin…" Her eyes fell upon the two Chisames and she blinked. She gave a happy cry that startled everyone all around her as she rose to her knees, arms raised in the air. "KAMI-SAMA! OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!-!-!-!-!"

_In heaven, Skuld took the notice of a small, isolated snowfall in hell dropping from above in the shape of a perfect snowman without so much as a blink. She was still too busy trying to figure out what the hell had gone wrong with the world, which now had a HUGE hole in the fabric of fate and destiny. And she'd thought those reiterations had been bad…_

Chisame growled, looking about to resort to some kind of violence, but Calculator calmly put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. "No, no, no," Calculator whispered to her other self. "A Cosplayer thrives on the worship of others, remember? Every fanboy asking for a picture, every girl who wishes you were dead because you make them look bad, every magazine that shows them prominently in its pages… to a Cosplayer, attention is _life_. This is just another form of it. Has living with the brat really destroyed your Cosplayer Self? Have you lost your spirit of Cosplay?"

"No…" Chisame answered quietly.

Calculator made a show of putting a hand to her ear. "I can't hear you…"

"NO!" Chisame roared, surprising everyone around her. Had this been a different kind of work, like say a manga about, oh, baking bread, over-customizable tops, stag beetles of children's card games, she'd have been covered in a burning aura of… shouneness? Eh, let's go with it. This wasn't that kind of story, however, so there was no aura around her, just a fiery determination in her eyes and fists clenched so tight the veins had popped out. "You're right! That brat made me forget who I am! I might be a loner, a hacker, and a plaything of the universe… but I am also Chiu-sama, net idol supreme! Envy of women, desire of men! Cosplayer beyond mortal understanding!"

Calculator nodded approvingly… then whacked Chisame upside the head. "Keep your voice down, fool," she said. "Unless you want to tell everyone you're Chiu right here, right now? A Cosplayer _chooses_ their time of ascension. They do not have it chosen for them."

Chisame actually managed to retain enough presence of self to blush. "Yes, yes…" she murmured. "Chiu-sama must pick Chiu-sama's moment…"

Takane and Mei stood stock still, staring at the assembled Ala Alba. "That…" the blonde said, sounding strangled. "Don't tell me you _always_ introduce yourselves like that!"

"We have to!" Deathnote declared proudly. "How else are we Magical Girls supposed to differentiate ourselves from boring old superheroes like Superman or the Flash?"

Takane frowned. "But still, drawing attention to yourselves like this… people will wonder!"

Yue raised up her visor. "Why should they? All other Magical Girls do it."

Takane, Mei and Itoshiki froze. "'All _other_ Magical Girls'?" the teacher said. "Ayase-kun, just how many so-called Magical Girls exist in your world?"

They all looked at each other. "Um, we've kinda lost track," Kuro said. "I mean, last year there were only a few of us–"

"The Sailor Senshi," Valkyrie Black listed chronologically. "And then Green Lantern-chan. And then Reaper-chan."

"Kaleido Ruby, Sapphire and me," Kuro continued.

"A-And then Ala Alba," Psycho Purple said, ticking off from her fingers. "Us, Makie-chan, Ku-chan, Kaede-san, Yuuna-chan, Natsumi-chan, Sayo-chan, Kotarou-kun, Asakura, Ako-chan, Akira-chan–"

" ** _WHAT?_** " the local representatives of 3-A cried.

"Then Blue Blaz and Jewel Red, Saber, Rider, Broken," Kuro went on. "And then Regina Diabolica and her Wolkenritter…"

"Blue Angel, after she got her ring and changed her name," Konoka mentioned.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama, Ferret Lantern-kun, Tempus-kun, Armored Rider Gold, General-san, Lancer-san, Assassin-sensei, Tracer-san," Erebus dutifully listed the other boys.

"Onii-sama!" Kuro gushed at the last name.

"There was Black Alyss and Girl Eternity," Setsuna said, frowning. "And then Spoiler-san… although I guess she's more a vigilante than a Magical Girl…"

"Don't mention the 'V' word around me right now," Kuro grumbled, mood souring slightly. "Anyway, I thought we agreed the term now is 'Freelance Law-Enforcement Agent'?"

"And then there's Supergirl-chan," Haruna listed, writing on her book. With every name mentioned, pictures had appeared, apparently the names in question, hanging in the air. There was already a substantial number of them. "Starfire-chan, though only by virtue of her being an alien princess. Raven-chan. Diana-hime." She sighed. "Those were the days. We all knew everyone, met everyone, exchanged disposable email addresses. But now there are more Magical Girls…"

"Star Reverie, Musket-Tiro, the Red Spear, Pleides…" Yue shook her head. "Honestly, I can't keep track of them all anymore. It doesn't help that few of them seem to want to join the Association. And what's with this business of calling themselves Puella Magi?"

Takane's jaw had dropped during the recitation. "T-That many?" she stuttered, pointing at the pictures.

"Those are only official members of the United Magical Girl Association of Earth," Deathnote said. She looked irritated, for some reason. "That's the name of the group we formed to help Magical Girls stay in contact and help each other. Now, however, we just seem like some kind of elitist group. I mean, there are thirty Puella Magi in the Mahora area alone, and an estimated 750 across Japan. World-wide estimates range from twenty to thirty thousand." She sighed. "I miss the days when we were special and badass."

"We still have seniority," Erebus said, trying to comfort her.

"Argh! That just makes me feel old!" Deathnote said. "Between them and those new 'Witch' things, we're starting to become irrelevant! Gah, the days when evil dark kingdoms had their lackeys introduce themselves and the only evil-species we had to deal with were Invaders… I'M IN DESPAIR! OUR INCREASING DROP IN RELEVANCE HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"Oh great, now _they're_ stealing my catchphrase…" Itoshiki grumbled.

"Some people think Witches are just another form of the Invaders, perhaps a new evolution of them," Yue said.

"Last time that happened, they nearly wiped out A.E.G.I.S. completely," Calculator pointed out.

"Excuse us," Itoshiki said. "But what are you all talking about?"

Ala Alba jerked, turning to him in embarrassment, Negi most of all. He bowed. "Sorry, Itoshiki-sensei. We were caught up in shop talk."

"Apparently," the older man said. "Your world sounds more complicated than we thought."

"Yes, yes, very interesting," Takane said, finally beginning to regain some of her usual spirit. "But this is apparently neither here nor there. Negi-sensei, we are here because the Dean has asked us to help you continue your training. Apparently, your other self has volunteered to assist in this."

Erebus nodded. "I know what he's best capable of, after all."

"Don't expect any help from me, boya," McDowell said. "You're on your own for this one."

Erebus hung his head. "Yes, master," he said.

Takane blinked, looking back and forth between them.

"It's a long story," Yue said.

"He was on crack," Asuna added.

Takane's eyebrow twitched. " _O-kay…._ "

"Isn't it kinda masturbatory for him to teach himself magic?" Kuro said.

"KURO!" Asuna, Asuna, Chisame, Hakase, Itoshiki and Yue cried. Calculator was too deeply in character to react as she normally would, so she just whacked Kuro on the head with her scepter.

Both Negis blinked. "What does 'masturbatory' mean?" the younger asked.

Everyone froze as one of the questions they hoped Negi would never have answered was finally uttered. Misa, Haruna, Misora and Kuro all grinned wildly as Itoshiki, Chisame and Calculator (whose shock was finally great enough to get her to break character) all stiffened.

A harisen slapped on top of Misora and Misa's heads as an extra-large blade suddenly pressed itself against Haruna's neck. "Not. One. Word," both Asunas growled.

"Oh, I know this one!" Erebus said.

They all froze again as the younger Negi turned to the other one eagerly.

"It has to do with how we use our staffs," Erebus said. "Or, I guess how you'll use yours, anyway. I left mine at our world. Green Lantern-chan told me about it. She said that Reaper-chan told her it has to do with vigorously shaking your staff as you cast your spells so that you knock a little bit more magic out of it."

"Oh, is that what it means?" Negi said, looking at his staff as both Evangeline's faces suddenly became **_WAY_** too smooth. "But why did Kuro-san say you teaching me magic would be masturbatory?"

"Well, I guess it's because there's only one staff, so we'll have to take turns shaking it when we're doing magic," Erebus said. Nodoka began to sound like she was choking, her face turned away from them. Yue's visor had dropped down again to cover her face. "Or I suppose we could shake it at the same time."

Konoka began giggling uncontrollably as Setsuna slowly began massaging the bridge of her nose, her face painful from the effort of not smiling.

Chamo looked at Albert. "They're being serious, aren't they?"

Albert nodded, sighing in exasperation. "Welcome to a forecast of the next two years…."

Chamo looked like he wanted to use Nozomu's catchphrase.

Kuro face-palmed, but she was grinning as she did it. "How in the WORLD is this brat qualified to teach higher English?"

"I ask myself that every day," Chisame muttered.

"A-HEM!" Takane said. "Now, Negi-san, as to your training…"

"Yes, we should reach an early agreement on your training regiment, mou hitori no boku," the visiting Negi gave the local Negi an earnest look.

"But I don't really want to fight!" Negicried. "I mean, maybe I'll have to fight someday to reach my father, but as long as I'm only researching it, and charged with my students, I shouldn't be distracted by such things…"

Ala Alba, even Erebus himself, gave him a _look_. He blushed, sweating "Wh-What? Did I say something wrong?"

"Look, suffice to say, you **will** need to get stronger. Trust us on this," Twilight Red told him.

"Exactly how strong?" Chisame asked with some concern.

"Very strong," Calculator replied.

"Over Nine thousand," Haruna chirped.

Takane rolled her eyes. "That's not a very quantitative assessment. At least give us a definite benchmark if you say it's so important!"

"Fair enough," Calculator said, her smile a dark, amused little thing. "How's this as a benchmark: if you ever meet a man named Jack Rakan, you need to be able to fight him to a draw before summer vacation ends."

Itoshiki suddenly laughed. "Ah, good one, Hasegawa-san! For a minute there I was worried!"

"What makes you think I'm joking?" Calculator said sweetly.

"Are you honestly saying Sprinfield-san here has fought _Jack Rakan_ to a draw?" Itoshiki said, still chuckling.

Kuro reached into her cleavage– again looks were averted by the Negis– and pulled out a picture, showing it to Itoshiki. The man took it and his laughter died in his mouth, eyes going wide. "My god. _What kind of human being are you?-!-?-!_ "

"I'm not going to even ASK why you'd actually have _that_ kind of photo on you," Setsuna muttered.

Misora sobbed pitifully. "Be honest with us. How many of us are dead around your time?"

"No one!" Twilight quickly growled, then admitted, "Not that there weren't a lot of close calls…"

" _YOU GOT MY SERVANT_ ** _CUT IN HALF!-!-!-!-!_** " McDowell cried.

" _ **WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?**_ " Hakase shrieked.

"Are you still on that?" Haruna said.

Misa paled. "You're joking."

"Not at all," Yue said. "You'd better prepare yourselves, as well. It isn't going to be exactly a walk in the park…"

"Unless Eva-chan is in the park snacking on the students," Haruna chirped.

"NOT HELPING!" Yue snapped.

Nozomu put a hand on Negi's shoulder. "Don't worry, Negi-sensei. As long as you're surrounded by deadly danger, I will always be there!"

"Thank you, Itoshiki-sensei!" a moved Negi replied.

"Indeed, I will be your first line of defense! Your human shield! The one who will take any and all lethal attacks for you!" the older teacher promised.

Haruna chuckled.

Yue cast an icy stare at her. "Stop reading Yaoi subtext in everything."

"But they're making it _so easy_ …!" Paru cooed right before both Chisames punched her in the head.

"Will you be lending your resort for such training, Evangeline-sama?" Karakuri asked the resident Eva, not daring to use the term 'Master' on her to avoid offending her actual mistress.

"Me?-!" Evangeline snorted. "Why should I? What do I have to do with that?"

"The Master did it…" Karakuri observed.

"That's her problem!" Eva spat the words out, finding the idea disgusting. "I'd never be so permissive to a ragtag bunch of fools like you!"

McDowell reached behind and under her and Evangeline jerked, her mouth opening in an 'ah!'. "Hey now, that sounded like a personal attack… I'll have to _punish_ you later…"

Sakurako blinked. "Do you really have a resort of your own, Eva-san?"

"Don't call me Eva-san!"

"Where would it be?" Hakase asked. "I thought you were confined to the Academy grounds, and there isn't such a place anywhere around here…"

"I'll show you the way in," McDowell promised dryly.

"You can't do that! It's MY house, damn you!" Evangeline roared. Or tried to, anyway. McDowell still had her hand up… somewhere.

McDowell fixed a level look at her. "You don't understand. He really **needs** to get _much_ stronger," and she whispered under her breath, only for the other vampire, "For _all_ your sakes."

Evangeline scowled. "You can't be serious?"

McDowell only kept looking into her eyes. " _They weren't kidding about Jack Rakan…_ " she said almost silently.

Finally, Eva turned around, muttering. "Come to my cabin tomorrow around this time. We'll see what we can do."

All of the local students and their Negi stood in confusion for a moment, instinctively dreading the worst.

But Itoshiki only stifled happy tears. "It surely will be bad enough to have me killed…!"

"Not likely. _I'm_ still alive after all this, after all," Calculator said.

"I only ask to be buried wearing something pretty, not my habit. Please," Misora whimpered.

"Speaking of clothes Negi-kun," Konoka said, addressing Erebus, "we're going to need to buy you some. Little Negi-kun's clothes are a bit too short for you, especially since you had that growth spurt in the middle of last year."

It was true. The clothes the elder of the two boys was wearing was noticeably a bit too small for him.

"Well, he can't go out like that," Chisame said. "I mean, wouldn't it be kind of noticeable if there were two Negi's suddenly walking around?"

"Oh, come on," Haruna said. "One of them just has to stay out of sight. What could go wrong?"

"Isn't this how all mistaken-identity comedies start out?" Asuna said.

"She has a point," Kuro agreed.

"That's no problem," the older Negi said. "I'll just take an age-change pill and–"

"NO!" Calculator, Twilight Red, Valkyrie Black and Psycho Purple cried.

"Every time you do that, you get some poor new girl mixed up in all this!" Calculator cried. "No! Hell no! The last thing we need is an _older_ you walking around!" There were various fierce nods.

Misa raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Kuro reached into her Victoria's Secret Compartment, prompting another panicked about-face from the men, and drew out a picture. "Here's what he looks like," she said.

The locals crowded around. Jaws dropped. Drool began to pool on the floor.

"My god…" Asuna whispered. "He's GORGEOUS!"

"EW!-!-!-!-!" the older her cried, clawing at her head. "Ew, ew, ew! I did _not_ just hear me being turned on by _NEGI!_ "

"Come to Misa…" Misa drooled.

Chisame took one look, twitched, turned around, and tried to burn the image out of her mind. _I am not turned on by the brat, I am not turned on by the brat, I am not turned on by the brat…_

Matoi, for the first time in her life, felt an urge to stalk someone she'd already stalked.

Cocone craned her head. "I'd tap that," she said quietly.

The others looked at her.

"What?" she said, not sounding self-conscious at all. "I'm only human."

Ala Alba, meanwhile, were staring at Kuro.

"Kuro-chan, I really have to ask you now: why do you have a picture of older!Negi on you?" Setsuna asked.

"In case I ever need to make a quick buck," Kuro said promptly.

"That's… actually believable," Calculator said.

Itoshiki raised an eyebrow. "It is?" he said, sounding slightly incredulous.

"How much money do you think those girls would be willing to pay for that picture?" Yue said, pointing.

"Ah. I see your point," Itoshiki said.

"Okay, so no age pills!" Haruna relented. "How are we supposed to disguise him, then? Dress him up as a girl?"

There was a sudden, thoughtful silence.

The Negis squirmed, and the skin on the backs of their necks seemed to want to crawl off their body. "Why is everyone looking at us like that?" Negi said.

Haruna, Misa, Misora and both Evangelines began to grin.

"Master? Why are you smiling?" Erebus said nervously.

"I think it's time for a wardrobe change…" McDowell said. Her smiled widened. "Girla."

His eyes widened. He wasn't able to help himself.

He screamed.

Tall, dark, slasher-smiling forms surrounded him as darkness overcame him…

….

"Wow, Negi-kun," Haruna cooed as the predators stepped back to admire their work. "Suddenly, I'm feeling _very_ lesbian for you…"

_A multiverse and some distance away, Tenou Haruka, Kaio Michiru, Fate Testarossa, Tohsaka Rin, Saber Pendragon, Tohsaka Sakura, Medusa 'Rider', Luviagelita Edelfelt, Takamachi Miyuki, Alisa Bannings, Tsukimura Suzuka, Vita, Signum, Shamal, Yagami Hayate, Reinforce, Hakase Satomi, Shiina Sakurako, Aoyama 'The Joker's Daughter' Tsukuomi, Paio Zi 'The Chichigami', Emily Sevensheep, Collette Farandole, Beatrix Monroe, Takane Goodman, Sakura Mei, Kasuga Misora, and Cocone Fatima Rosa all sneezed._

"Achoo!" Setsuna, Konoka, Sakurako, Hakase, Matoi, Cocone, Nodoka, Yue, Takane and Mei all suddenly sneezed. "Ah! Excuse us!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I must be contagious and contaminated you all! I'm sorry!" Ai bowed.

Itoshiki placed a jaded look on her. "No, to be honest, I'd say you're one of the few here **not** contagied by that…"

"Bless you," Negi said by rote, eyes too locked onto the horrors he had just seen, the images burned into his mind. Kuro, for her part, was on the floor laughing her ass off, banging on the stage and pointing. The ermines were with here, laughing their tails off.

His older self tugged at his– and Negi was trying _very_ hard to remember it was 'his'– clothes, looking down and obviously resisting the urge to tug them off. One hand reached up and tried to push back the long curtain of red hair that fell over his face, only for the waist-length hair to fall down again. Erebus let out a loud breath that also involved spitting out a mouthful of hair. "Is the hair really necessary?" he cried in a Rina Sato-sounding, feminine voice.

"Glad I kept that magic shampoo Ako gave me. Great voice-spell, Eva-sama," Haruna said. "He sounds exactly like a girl! Kinda like Rina Sato, really."

McDowell blew on her finger. "Heh. Glad to see I haven't forgotten that one," she said, humming to herself contentedly.

They looked at the older Negi, who was shuffling uncomfortably in cute black flats, a dark skirt, green blouse, ruffles, and a broach, all drawn complements of Haruna's Artifact. A White Wing badge was holding his hair back over one ear. He was blushing and looked absolutely adorable.

"Suddenly I realize the appeal of those imouto-chan games Kirino keeps going on about," Chisame murmured. Then she blinked. "Did I just say that out loud?"

Calculator patted her on the shoulder. "Hang around these idiots long enough, and it'll happen."

Chisame slumped. Her worse fears had been realized. The brat WAS contagious!

"She'll need a name…" Misa mused, still grinning widely. "A proper, girly name."

"I don't want a proper girly name!" the Prince of Ostia and Savior of the Magical World protested.

"How about…" Matoi mused, "Wano Nanoko?"

"Nah, too Kumeta," Misora said.

"Bridgette?" Haruna suggested.

"Too obvious," Misa vetoed.

"How about… Nelly?" Kuro suggested, finally getting her laughter under control and wiping tears from her eyes.

Everyone thought about it.

"It's a… pretty name?" Negi said helplessly.

"Mo hitori no boku, _please_ don't give them ideas!" the other Negi wailed.

"Ah! Sorry!"

"Nelly…" Haruna mused. Algorithms of evil flashed behind the eyes of the dark-haired **Japanese. Teeth** showed as she suddenly grinned. "I love it! Nelly Springfield, Negi's younger, virginal, maidenly cousin–"

"Are the adjectives really necessary?" Yue asked, even as she was glad she was still wearing her armor. It would be embarrassing if her panties suddenly slipped off due to wetness…

"Cum to Japan to visit her dear, dear Negi-kun, who she promised to marry when she was younger…" Haruna continued unabashed.

"SAY WHAT NOW?-!" both Negi's cried.

"You've been talking to Meilin, haven't you?" Setsuna said.

"Why is 'come' so disturbingly misspelled?" Nozomu asked.

"I don't want to marry him!" both Negi's wailed, pointing at each other.

Chisame sighed. The way this was heading, it was going to turn into one of those stories her world's Haruna liked to tell about her childhood growing up in **_Nerima_** …

"Heh he heh…" Albert laughed, wiping his eyes. "Nice legs, aniki!"

"Very sexy, Bro!" Chamo laughed, clutching his teeny little gut.

"Hey, Kuro-neechan, you think he's hot yet?" Albert asked.

Kuro raised an eyebrow, but tilted her head, staring at Negi critically. Erebus suddenly felt he was under a microscope (metaphorically, of course: that shrinking incident with Sakura and The Little Card hadn't made them _that_ small) as Kuro began to circle him, eyes sweeping up and down. He could feel her stare on his legs, very conscious of the fact they were bare and _sticking out from under a skirt_. She flicked his hair back, peered intently at his face, and he let out a shriek as she suddenly flipped up his skirt.

"Wow," Chisame said. "He actually sounds girlier than _we_ do." Then she swatted aside Misa's hand as it crept forward to do the same.

"Hmm…" Kuro said as she stopped in front of Erebus. She shrugged. "Meh. Still don't see what the fuss is about. Though it's not a total loss. Now, I just have to find an excuse to get Miyu and my sister into boxers…"

Karakuri reached into her pocket and offered a handkerchief to Kuro, who wiped the drool and nasal blood from her face.

Everyone stared at Kuro. "Is she for real?" Misa said.

"Such resistance…!" Itoshiki said.

Mei and Takane looked at each other. "What are they babbling about?" Takane asked.

Calculator and Chisame exchanged glances. "Trust me, if you're going to be teaching him–" Chisame began.

"– you'd better start getting used to this," Calculator finished.

….

**Act Five: Suddenly, Setsuna!**

Sakurazaki Setsuna sat quietly next to the riverbank, beneath a large tree's shadow. Her expression was completely blank, her sheathed sword in hand, its point sunk lightly into the ground below.

She had made no sound or movement for nearly an hour now. She just kept her gaze fixed at the distance, lost in no doubt, complex, brooding thoughts.

In other words, Ojou-sama.

Still, as soon as her increasingly worried silent watcher approached enough to be at her reach, the girl swiftly pulled out the sword, and in that single motion, she swept her feet and the blade at the same time in her direction, aiming for her midsection.

The other girl dashed back with graceful ease, no movement wasted, and blocked her Yuunagi with her own, sparks jumping from the clashing blades. The younger Setsuna's eyes narrowed in anger as she eyed her doppelganger. "Shapeshifter!" she said.

"What?" the second Setsuna asked, although she should have expected that reaction. "No, I'm—"

"Who has sent you?-!" the first Setsuna demanded to know, swinging her Yunagi in an arc that managed to avoid the other blade, then to swoop down searching for her double's right shoulder, looking for a quick incapacitation. Her target just rolled out of the way regardless, blocking her next strike as well, and the one after that, and the next one, frustrating Setsuna. The shapeshifter had matched her move for move and then some; she was clearly her superior, and it only took her a few moments to realize it.

However, the older girl was only stopping her attacks, not attempting to retaliate. "Calm down and listen! I mean you no harm! We only came to see if you were okay!"

"We…?" Setsuna scoffed, pausing for only a half second as the other girl held her sword down with her own firmly. "Where are your accomplices?"

"Set-chan," an all too familiar voice spoke, startling her. "Listen to Set-chan, please! You shouldn't be fighting each other!"

"O-Ojou-sama…?" the 14 years old gulped, looking at the girl who was walking into sight now, wearing a simple white dress with matching sandals. Looking so beautiful, like a radiant but concerned angel. "G-Get out of here! This isn't a place for…" Then she noticed the two or three years this newcomer had on her princess, and her anger returned. "You… You filthy deceiver! What kind of mockery is this?-!"

Then she got the shock of her life when the other Sakurazaki disarmed her in a blink with an impossibly quick turn of her wrists, her Yuunagi sending hers flying several feet away. She threw herself for it, but the other Setsuna stopped her, blocking her way with an arm. "I told you, please listen! This really is Konoka Ojou-sama! We aren't trying to trick you!"

"Please, Setchan!" Konoka begged, approaching with open arms. "You have nothing to fear from us!" She held her Pactio card up. "See? It's got my name and figure on it. If I were a double, I couldn't have done this Pactio…"

Setsuna tensed up in horror. "Y-Y-You have taken Ojou-sama and established a Pactio with her! Wait, when did she make a Pactio?-! I should have noticed—!"

The other Sakurazaki sighed, firmly holding her down by the shoulders. Setsuna noticed her grip was far stronger than hers, as well. "For the last time, listen. It's a long story, and not easy to believe at all, but you must hear what we have to say…"

Another hour later, as the three of them sat together under the tree, the young Setsuna still had problems wrapping her mind around it all. "So, what you mean is… Y-Y-You've made a Pactio?-! With each other?-! And each one of you has a Pactio with Negi-sensei, as well?-!"

The older one (let's call her 'Sakurazaki' for short) sighed, wondering if it had really been a good idea telling her all that. Or telling her anything, for that matter. Damn her lack of impulse control when Konoka made a request! "Yes. Yes, we have. A lot of… things happened. Negi-sensei has already made Pactios with several of us."

Setsuna wore a dubious expression. "S-Same thing with… our… Negi-sensei. I know, naturally. Very little of what happens at our class escapes me. But I assume you were polite enough to avoid telling him I know about his secret?"

Konoka nodded reassuringly. "Don't worry! We even made Haruna-chan swear secrecy on it, too! Although I don't see why shouldn't you just share it with them… You'd save yourself a lot of problems that way!"

"Ojou-sama, no," Sakurazaki differed respectfully. "Remember Negi-sensei's wise advice. We must interfere with this world's history as little as we can." She gave Konoka a sidelong look. "Which kinda makes me wonder what we're doing here. Shouldn't we be helping them shop for clothes for Negi and Kuro?"

Setsuna noted the lack of an honorific and raised an eyebrow.

"But Set-chan, it only can work for the best!" Konoka said. "The sooner they all are together, the better, don't you think? We… They're all friends, what could be wrong with it?"

"I'm up to 9 items and counting," Sakurazaki said under her breath.

Setsuna frowned, crossing her arms. "I see. So this is the top secret incident that had the Faculty so scared yesterday."

"It's all okay now!" Konoka replied. "Itoshiki-sensei sorted it all out. We are staying over at Tsunetsuki-san's. Asuna-chan, Chisame-chan and Negi-kun are staying with your Negi-kun, Chisame-chan and Hakase-chan. And the rest of the Library Exploration Club is with Misora-chan and Cocone-chan."

Setsuna hummed thoughtfully. It all was still so difficult to believe… "Itoshiki-sensei? It's strange for him to be trusted with something so important, much less for him to actually accept it." She paused. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course. What is it?" Konoka inquired.

Setsuna breathed. "The incoming class trip to Kyoto. Since you already must have passed through it, I assume you ran into no dangers while you were there? The Dean says the feud between the Kanto and Kansai magic associations has died down enough for us to be safe there, but… groundless as they may be, I have my doubts. I have had… a few ill omens about it lately. I know it's stupid and superstitious, to trust that over the word of my betters, but…"

Konoka and Sakurazaki shared a worried glance. Then Konoe did her best to smile. "Setchan. I won't lie to you. Back when we were at Kyoto, we had to overcome many problems and trials. But at our world, the magic associations got along much worse than here. Since I was told you'd be going to Kyoto, I've researched on your situation, and I think it's perfectly safe for you to go."

There _should_ have been a rumbled of ominous thunder at this pronouncement, but Thor was currently off rubbing it in Zeus's face that his movie portrayal was way better than the Greek's, and thus was not around to cause ominous rumbling as was required.

Setsuna still didn't seem convinced, although she tried to not show any distrust in Konoka's words. "Of course, I don't doubt your expertise on researching such matters, and it matches what I know about it, but… are you fully sure it's safe to assume things will vary so much between both worlds?"

Konoka shrugged. "Why not? At our world, Misa-chan, Misora-chan and Hakase-chan haven't made alliances with Negi-kun this early. We don't have an Itoshiki-sensei, or a Sugiura-sensi. As a matter of fact, most of the non-magic teachers you have aren't present at our Mahora, either. Both worlds seem to be very, very different over their superficial similarities."

Then she brightened up, an idea bulb showing up over her head. Unfortunately, it was a very low watt bulb, and was already flickering slightly. "In any case… Set-chan, what if we go to Kyoto with them to make sure they'll be okay?"

"Eh…? What…?" her guardian hesitated.

Konoka nodded brightly. "Oh, it'll be like reviving such a memorable time of our lives! And they'll have nothing to fear with us around!"

"I don't know…" Sakurazaki sweated. "M-maybe we should allow them to fight their own battles, even if the worst came to pass… I mean, we cannot hamper their development, doing everything for them…"

"I'm perfectly able to protect my Ojou-sama myself," Setsuna stated seriously.

Sakurazaki gave her a _look._ "Do you _really_ want _me_ , Sakurazaki Setsuna of technically at least a year from now, to comment on that?"

Setsuna opened her mouth… then looked thoughtful as she closed it. Sakurazaki nodded in grim satisfaction.

"We wouldn't interfere unless absolutely needed!" Konoka insisted. "We can go with them, disguised with the Age Deceiving Pills… and Chisame-chan knows so much about makeup and disguises, not even my other me would suspect I'm related to her. You don't even have to alter your appearance beyond your age; no one else in the class knows about Set-chan's background, so we can pass you as her sister…"

"B-B-But what would your… that is, her father say?-!" Sakurazaki squealed.

"Dad will understand!" Konoe laughed. "What better surprise gift for him than finding two loving daughters at his doorstep?"

_Somewhere, in a decadent universe filled with such habits, two such 'loving daughters' sneezed._

Setsuna grimaced despite herself. "That… that sounds very nice, and yet…"

"I'll call Grandpa!" Konoka was pulling her cell phone out. "I'm sure he'll LOVE the idea!"

Sakurazaki and Setsuna shared defeated glares.

"Now I'm convinced. She IS Konoka Ojou-sama," Setsuna whispered.

Sakurazaki nodded. "Once she sets her mind on something, there's no stopping her…"

Setsuna looked awkward again. "By the way…" She kept her voice very low.

"Yes?" Sakurazaki asked.

Setsuna fidgeted. "That Pactio with her… Was it…? Was it…?"

Sakurazaki smiled despite her own blush. "Yes. It was wonderful."

"And Negi-sensei's…?"

"… Surprisingly good as well."

Setsuna licked her lips absently, then quickly noticed what she was doing. Bright red, she covered her mouth with a hand.

But Sakurazaki only smiled, understanding.

"DARN IT!" Konoka cried. "Apparently, my cellphone doesn't have coverage for this world! Well, maybe it's a sign. Kyoto probably won't be as fun if we have to go in disguise…"

….

**Act Six: Sisterhood.**

Misora swallowed as she stood before Sister Shakti's desk. Her superior had a perfectly neutral expression on her face, and her hands were crossed over the desk. Misora wondered if teachers got lessons on how to do that. _Hello, welcome to desk intimidation 101. First lesson, proper hand placement…_

"Ma'am?" the young girl finally asked, hoping her nervousness wasn't too obvious.

"Sit down, please," Shakti calmly told her. As she obeyed, the woman asked, "Itoshiki-sensei informed me he had assigned the… visiting Saotome-san, Miyazaki-san and Ayase-san to stay with you until a better solution could be found. Is that true?"

"Y-Yes, it is!"

"Have you prepared a report on their current situation?"

"Ahhhhh…" Misora forced a blank, vacant smile.

Shakti tapped with her ruler on the desk. "How many times do I have to tell you? When you are handed a special assignment, you always must write a complete report on your progress!"

"I'll have it ready by this afternoon, I promise!"

"And don't leave it to Cocone, either!"

"Ehhhh! How am I supposed to babysit the newcomers and write all that at once?" Misora protested.

The nun shot her an even stare. "Are you sure Cocone isn't babysitting you and them?"

"Well, she's alone with them right now, but what could I do? I was called here! Not like I can be at both places at the same time!" Kasuga said.

Shakti gestured for her to calm down. "Misora. It's okay. Turn in your report this afternoon or tonight. Truth be told, I'm sure the visitors don't mean any ill will, at least not those three. Actually, I'm more interested on hearing a few explanations on why you have a Pactio with Negi-sensei."

The student made an anguished face. "So… you saw, huh?"

"If you mean how you transformed in mid battle and then used a super speed artifact to engage Miyazaki-san… still failing badly at it, mind… yes, I did," Shakti said, nodding. "It's important to maintain an awareness of the full battlefield at all times. At first I thought you had pactioed with Cocone, despite my warnings about neither of you being ready yet. But I asked Itoshiki-sense if he knew something on the matter, and after some… pressure… he told me your Master was Negi-sensei."

A vein discreetly bulged on a side of Misora's forehead. She was going to kill that man. No, killing him would be too good for him. She'd think of something better later. Perhaps tying him to a chair and forcing him to marathon Barney and Twilight…

"Well, I… Negi-kun and I… we were involved in a dangerous situation recently," she confessed meekly. "We had no choice, really! I hadn't told you because I was… afraid you'd get angry and you wouldn't believe me…"

"What dangerous situation was that?" Shakti pressed on.

Misora looked down, too scared to talk.

"The vampire strikes?" her superior guessed.

Kasuga nodded reluctantly.

Sister Shakti sighed. "I know those days were troubling for you. After you were attacked, it must have been very taxing for you to confront that… creature again. That is… good, I must admit. Shows you can get over your fear after all."

Misora perked up quickly, spurred by the rare praise. "We kicked her butt!" she blurted out. "She never had a chance!"

Shakti smirked somewhat evilly. "Evangeline-san?"

Misora went pale. "H-How did you know…?"

Shakti sighed again. "All of the Order's higher ups know. From the day she was brought here. I'm sorry, Misora. We couldn't do anything to stop her before you were harmed, or even after it, and it pains me. You'll learn our hands are tied in more ways than one. That's the price to pay for order. Protocols must be followed. Orders must be accepted, even if we disagree with them. We couldn't just barge in and attack Evangeline-san head on."

"You just did yesterday."

"And you saw how well that turned out, didn't you?"

"Point taken."

Shakti paused before talking again. "What's done is done. I only hope you realize the duty of a Ministra Magi will demand a lot from you. You'll have to be at his side whenever he needs it, to give your life for his if needed. A Pactio is not something you do for power, but because of commitment, and even love. And in turn, you must make him realize he'll have to be there for you as well, each one complementing the other."

Misora's face blushed pink, and Shakti realized her nebulously romantic phrasing had allowed her to confirm her doubts. Slowly, she reached over and patted Misora's head. "What will we do with you? I'm just glad you at least have someone responsible as him to look after you…"

Misora's eyes widened, and she fought to hold her smile back. "Th-Then… you approve…?"

Again, her seriousness returned bluntly. "What I don't approve of is your keeping it a secret from me! So I'll have to punish you seriously!"

Misora's spirits fell.

"… But that'll have to wait until your class trip is over," Sister Shakti finished. "You'll need to be at his side there, too."

Misora's face shone up again. "Thank you, Sister…!"

"Now go! I want that report before 8:00 P.M. at the latest!"

"Yes, Ma'am! Right now!"

As Shakti saw her leaving, she fondly remembered her own loves of youth. For a moment, she had almost felt that flame inside flickering back to life.

She always had known Misora wasn't cut out for the clerical life. Well, pseudo-clerical, she wasn't Catholic, after all. If her destiny was tied to Negi-sensei's, Shakti wasn't going to complain. The boy promised to be everything his father had been, and many things he never could be as well. A Magical School graduate, for one thing.

Shakti's heart beat slowly but surely faster as she remembered that man. Nagi Springfield. Back when she was a student herself, he'd sometimes come to Mahora to talk things over with the Dean. Always so charming and dashing, yet so unreachable.

_Misora… I really hope you have better luck than I did._

And besides, maybe Negi-sensei could just plain take Misora far away from her. She actually liked the girl, but that didn't mean she had the patience to deal with her for much longer!

….

**Interlude- At Evangeline's Rockin' Bachlorette Pad…**

The two Evas lay naked on the bed, both smoking cigarettes as McDowell hummed pleasantly to herself.

"You know," Evangeline commented around her smoke, "not that this isn't fun, but we should probably stagger this, or else it'll get stale. After a 15-year drought, the last thing we want is sex to get boring fast." She paused. "Besides, I'll need a few hours to recover from the blood loss."

"Pansy," McDowell said, though not unfondly. "Well, in that case, I can think of something…"

Evangeline raised her eyebrow. McDowell reached behind her, and a glowing and highly convenient storage sigil appeared in the air. She pulled out a plastic case, and handed it to Evangeline. The other blonde took it, her eyes rising as she saw the title.

_Ultimate Battle! Disgaea Versus Final Fantasy Versus Naruto Versus One Piece Versus Gundam Versus Macross Versus Tenchi Muyo Versus…_

5 minutes later…

_…Versus Spawn Versus Empowered Versus Axis Powers Hetalia Versus Mortal Kombat…_

10 minutes later…

_…Versus Yugioh Versus Animorphs Versus Dresden Files Versus Codex Alera._

"Wow…" Evangeline said, dazed as she finally got to the last page of the fold-out cover. "That's a _really_ long title…"

"– _Clean-ses the sinful–_ huh? Oh, yeah, it is," McDowell said, coming back to the present after drifting off while Evangeline read. "It's a total otaku gamer's orgasmic fantasy! They say the sequel will have even MORE series in it!"

Evangeline's eyes bugged. "Seriously?-!"

McDowell nodded. She grinned, and took out the disk, gesturing towards Evangeline's game system. "Wanna try your luck?"

Evangeline grinned back, her gamer instincts unable to resist the challenge. "You're on!"

They booted up the disk, eagerly grabbing controllers. Evangeline tried a few characters in the training mode to get used to the basic controls, and they quickly moved to the versus mode and selected their first fighters.

" _Danny Phantom versus Rand al'Thor… FIGHT!_ "

And so the battle began…

….

**Act Seven: Girls Gone Wild!**

"Yahoo!" Sakurako said. "What a nice day!"

"Yeah," Misa agreed, "it is."

"Let's go to karaoke right now!" Sakurako cried.

"All right!" Misa cried with her. "Let's sing 'til we're hoarse!"

"Hello?" Chisame said, eyebrow twitching. "We're supposed to buy clothes for these two, remember?" She gestured at the older, cross-dressed Negi and Kuro.

Hakase raised a hand. "I'm okay with Karaoke…"

"Karaoke!" Chibi-Haruna concurred, her newly dyed bright-pink hair shining in the sun. .

'Nelly' blinked at the scene. "I'm feeling a strange sense of déjà vu…" he murmured.

"Hmm," Calculator said noncommittally. She'd borrowed one of Cocone's habits and popped an age-change pill to fit into them. She, of course, looked very illegally good in them. She looked around. "Can we get a move on? These pills don't last, and since clothing accidents rise to insane heights around Negi, I'd rather not risk anything. Chiuko-chan is on the clock."

"Hey! Ix-nay on the Iu-chay!" Chisame hissed.

Both Asunas sighed. "Isn't Chisame supposed to be the sane person in this group?" Asuna said.

"Hey, don't ask me," Chibi-Asuna said, shrunk to proper loli age and her hair dyed blonde. "We left 'normal' in the dust a _long_ time ago, went around the world once, passed the poor thing, and just kept on running."

"Hey, can we buy lingerie first?" Kuro asked, pointing at a _really_ questionable storefront.

Chibi-Haruna narrowed her eyes. "Well, I guess we've found where Eva-chan buys her underwear…"

Sakurako and Misa stared, wide-eyed. "I didn't know they made those in leather," Misa said.

"HEY!" the Asunas and Chisames cried as they covered the Negis eyes. "THERE ARE KIDS PRESENT HERE!"

Sakurako rubbed her hands together. "Well, seriously, where should we start?"

"Really slutty miniskirts," Kuro said, deciding to make the best of it.

"PERFECT!" Haruna said.

"Wait, what about me?" 'Nelly' said.

"Oh, don't worry Nelly-chan," Misa chirped, and 'Nelly' wilted a little. "We'll get you some too."

'Nelly' drooped more. "This is almost as bad as the time they stole all my clothes…"

The Chisames exchanged glances, sighed, and started following.

After a few steps, Chisame turned and glared at Matoi, who was loyally following _right_ behind her. "Look," she said. "If you're going to come along, at least do it like a normal person," she snapped. "People are staring."

Matoi blinked. This was… new. Usually, this was when she got yelled at to go away.

Chisame let out a disgusted sigh and took Matoi's arm, pulling her forward. "Walk _next_ to us, for crying out loud! There's no point in hiding behind me, I know you're there."

"Um, okay…" Matoi said, blinking in confusion.

"So, sempai, are you looking forward to Okinawa?" Sakurako asked.

It took the stalker a few minutes to realize they were talking to her. "Oh, you mean me… uh, not really…"

"Why not?" Misa asked.

"Chisame's going to Kyoto," she answered matter-of-factly, on slightly familiar ground. "My DEEP LOVE can't bear to be away from her." She looked sideways at Chisame.

_Jiiiiiiiiii…_

Chisame sighed and smacked her, though rather half-heartedly.

Haruna jerked. "W-what?" she said, turning with a wide smile and an evil light in her eyes. "Heh he… wow… You Hasegawas really _aren't_ normal, are you?"

" _DON'T CALL US NOT NORMAL!_ " both cried.

_Somewhere, Hito Nami paused. "Huh…" she said. "I felt very weird just now…"_

….

**Interlude- Meanwhile, at Evangeline's Smokin' Lovenest…**

Mcdowell, 65! Evangeline, 15…

"Heh he…" McDowell chuckled. "Feel free to give up any time, noob…"

"Hah! You wish," Evangeline shot back, taking a long swig from her bottle of TANTRUM! and slamming down the empty can as her pupils dilated. "I was just getting a feel for the characters! It's time to show you my true power!"

"Yeah, whatever," McDowell said, popping a spoon of Ovaltine into her mouth. "Pick one already!"

Evangeline did.

" _Shadow Crystal Mage versus Aizen… FIGHT!_ "

5 seconds later…

" _Aizen is defeated! Shadow Crystal Mage wins!_ "

McDowell stared.

Evangeline smirked, buffing her nails. "You were saying?"

"Next round!" McDowell snapped.

" _Mina Tepes versus Susan Sto'Helit… FIGHT!"_

Downstairs, the Chachamaru's were taking a brief moment to talk as they sorted through the kitchen.

"It's so nice to see the mistress having fun," Chachamaru said as she made more tea.

"Yes, the master was so annoyed when she couldn't find anyone who could challenge her in that game," Karakuri agreed as she unloaded the latest batch of otaku gamer food she'd bought from the store. She figured it wound last the two maybe 25 more rounds before she had to go again.

"CHACHAMARU! MORE OVALTINE!"

"CHACHAMARU! DID YOU BUY THE FIDDLE FADDLE?"

"Coming mistress!" they chorused.

" _Immi versus Cloverfield…FIGHT!_ "

….

**Act Eight: Girls Lose Their Heads Over Negi!**

The red haired girl held the human shaped cookie to her open mouth, showing her small, cute fangs, then bit its head off in a single chomp. OM NOM NOM NOM!

The blond, busty teen sitting at the other end of the table shuddered briefly. "Kyoko-san, don't… don't eat like that, please. It's… disturbing…"

"Hm?" Sakura Kyoko asked lazily as her mouth munched on the rest of the cookie. "What's wrong, Sempai? My table manners disturb you? Tough."

"Kyoko!" the blue haired girl sitting next to the blonde scoffed. "Your table manners disturb **everyone**! Can't you put at least a little effort into restraining yourself?"

"No-pe," the redhead shook her head with a raspy chuckle, before her eye caught something through the restaurant's window. "Hey, Mami. Isn't that your widdle crush?"

"Huh?" the tallest of the three rose up a bit, craning her neck over Kyoko's shoulder. Her collected voice cracked for the briefest of moments. "N-Negi-sensei…"

Kyoko smirked evilly, ignoring her other friend's icy warning glares. "And there he goes, surrounded by lots of sexy sempais again! Whoo, this time it's a whole class' worth! And some Lolis, too! None of them seems too busty; I guess he favors the flat type…"

The blue haired one kicked her shins angrily under the table, but she ignored it even as Mami sat back down, with a somewhat sadder expression on her face. "It's okay…" the taller student said. "Not like it'd ever work anyway…"

"Don't say that!" the blue haired girl cheered for her. "Love is impossible only when you decide to give up on it!"

"I know someone who should give up on it already…" Kyoko rested her chin in a hand, reaching for more snacks.

Blue Hair shot her another murderous glare. "If you aren't going to help, don't say anything!"

"Showing you the cruelty of reality **is** helping you!" the redhead said between mouthfuls. She grabbed a bottle of spray cheese and sprayed it on a snack, then offered it to Mami. "Cheese? I've found it always help when I'm in a funk…"

The blonde pondered it for a moment. "No, thanks…"

"Eh. More for me," Kyoko swallowed it as well. "But if you really want to get that guy, you're gonna have fight for him!" She tightened a fist. "C'mon! Where's your womanly pride? Aim for the top! Don't lose your head despairing over it! Do something instead! Walk up to him and tell him 'Hey, I think you have a cute ass!'"

"Kyoko!" the blue haired girl said.

"See? Sayaka agrees with me! And even a wimp like her's got the guts to… um, at least get close to the guy she likes!"

Sayaka blushed and looked down. "I'm… I'm just being helpful to him while he's—"

"Oh, I bet you'll continue visiting his bed once he's out of the hospital…" Kyoko chuckled with more evil.

Sayaka dropped her propriety for a moment. "You **_witch_** ," she snorted.

"You know it's true!" The redhead crossed her legs. "Listen to me, Sempai! You got a chance! Everyone knows those two girls he lives with are lesb—"

"Kyoko…" Sayaka held a finger over her own lips.

"Don't listen to her. Just aim for it! And shoot ahead!" Kyoko pumped a fist forward, stopping inches away from Mami's face. "If there's anything I've learned from Boo-sensei, it's being a chicken doesn't pay!"

For once, Sayaka nodded in agreement. "Yes, that speech he gave on the virtues of courage was very inspiring…"

"But when—" Mami doubted.

"Right now!" Kyoko urged. "You snooze, you lose! Get your fat ass outta that chair and go after him right now!"

"What's the rush?" Sayaka asked. "Even if she's going to do it, it'd be better in private. Besides, they must be blocks away by now…"

Kyoko just pointed through the window. Negi and his group still were looking at the clothes in exhibition at the other side of the street.

"— Well, I stand corrected," Sayaka admitted. A beat. "Are they looking at lingerie?"

….

**Interlude- At The Same Time, In Eva-Sama's House Of Pain…**

McDowell, 295! Evangeline, 301!

" _Hellboy wins!_ "

"HAH!" Evangeline cried, jumping off the bed and doing a quick bouncy victory dance on the carpet. "Suck on that, bitch!"

McDowell's eyebrow twitched on the controller. It cracked and shattered, turning into so much plastic and acid-etched card in her hands. "Damn you Thursday Next!" she cried at the onscreen character currently a bundle of pulp on the floor. She held out a hand. Karakuri wordlessly handed her a new controller straight out of the packaging as Chachamaru connected it to the system. The wastebasket filled with plastic bits and the sizable pile of freshly bought controllers said this wasn't the first time. The robot maids were quite used to their mistresses' gamer habits. "Next round!" the unbound shinso said fiercely.

Evangeline bounced back onto the bed, her mouth filled with victory Rocky as she picked up her controller again. "You know, this game is kinda fun!" Evangeline chirped.

"Just pick a character, slut!"

" _Barak Obama Versus George Bush… FIGHT!_ "

….

**Act Nine: Lookin' Good there, Negi-kun.**

Negi Springfield, Prince of Ostia, Savior of the Magical World, Savior of the Old World, one of the winners of the 19th Nagi Springfield Gladiatorial Cup, Disciple of the Dark Evangel, Master (on a probationary basis since Eva was pissed at him for getting better than her at the technique she herself invented) of Magia Erebea, proud member of the United Magical Girls (And Boys) Association of Earth, and least senior teacher of the Mahora faculty, wanted to cry.

This was, by itself, nothing to write home about. A good soup by Satsuki (and since Satsuki was a good cook, that meant ALL her soups) could make him dissolve into tears. The sappy ending of a magical girl anime where one girl sacrifices her very existence to make sure an abominable magical system could at least be curtailed had him crying all night, making him run through all the dorm's tissues.

This wasn't any of that.

"I don't think this really suits me," he said, looking down at himself, at the pink shirt with the illustration of a blue pony with rainbow hair on it. "Can't I get something more… gender neutral?"

"But it looks _so CUTE_ on you, Nelly-chan!" Misa gushed, holding up a sundress. "Try this one next!"

Negi turned yet another beseeching look at his other self. " _Help me…_ " he pleaded.

The younger Negi squirmed in discomfort. "Girls, this is very undignified…"

"Oh, Negi-kun, why don't we pick up some clothes for you too?" Sakurako said, grabbing a nearby shirt. "Isn't this adorable?"

The younger Negi stared at the rainbow-colored ruffled frilly thing with little bow ribbons and turned to the elder one. "Sorry, you're on your own."

Negi drooped. "Well, if we're going to be doing it this way…" he said. "Can I get a decent blouse at least? Something with pleated sleeves, maybe with ruffles on the cuffs?"

Misa, Sakurako, Negi, the local Chisame and Asuna all stared at him.

"A _blouse_?" the younger Chisame exclaimed. "What kind of messed up universe are you from?-!"

"It's a long story," Negi sighed. "You see, there was this time a friend of ours thought I was a girl and things kinda of got out of hand…"

"Green Lantern still thinks he's a girl too," Kuro said, trying on a skirt and turning and swinging her hips from side to side, before shaking her head. "This won't do. It doesn't flip up high enough! How am I supposed to fill up my loli panty-shot quota?"

_Somewhere, Kaede Kimura frowned. "I sense… a panty resonance…"_

_Fate Testarossa frowned. "That's odd… I ass feels warm for some reason…"_

_Daidouji Tomoyo frowned. "Someone is trying to steal something that rightfully belongs to my Sakura-chan–!-!-!"_

"To be fair, you _did_ manage to pull off the blouse," Calculator mused.

"Too well," Twilight Asuna said. "It was freaky disturbing. Like that time you wore kitsune girl drag during the festival…"

Misa perked up. "Kitsune girl drag?"

Calculator glared at Twilight. "Don't give her any more ideas!"

Twilight actually managed to look chagrined. "Sorry…"

….

**Interlude- Back at Eva's Bordello and Karaoke Bar**

McDowell, 548! Evangeline, 527!

" _Parktown Prawn Versus Snoopy… FIGHT!_ "

The giant frying pan-wielding cricket and the beagle knocked each other one, resulting in a draw.

" _Escaflowne Versus Gurren Lagan… FIGHT_ "

The magical mecha curbstomped the Spiral-powered hulk.

"I think we're going to get a lot of complaints about that…" Evangeline commented.

"Meh," McDowell said dismissively. "More complaints, more reviews."

" _Fay D Fluorite versus Lightsong the Brave… FIGHT!_ "

The Returned god bitch-slapped the mage with a giant painting.

" _Ultraman Tiga Versus Adrian Monk… FIGHT!_ "

"Who programmed this thing?" Evangeline asked as the she watched the obsessive-compulsive detective throw wipes at the giant silver warrior until it ran out of life, too weirded out by the combination to use her controller. "Seriously, _Monk_ in a fighting game?"

"I know," McDowell said tearfully as the perfect victory declaration came onscreen. "Isn't the world just _awesome_?"

" _Biblion Rouland Rouge Versus Akazukin Chacha… FIGHT!_ "

….

**Act Ten: The Fine Arts of Stalk—DEEP LOVE.**

The day was darkening as they walked, burdened with bags. Misa, Sakurako and the other girls were all talking half-heartedly about buying more outfits, but without much true enthusiasm, as the topic was turning more toward karaoke and dinner than clothes. Both Negi's walked in the rear, burdened by most of the bags of clothes. Erebus had to admit that the clothes were rather nice, and very soft, and highly comfortable, and not bad to look at… but as a proper gentleman, he firmly drew the line against wearing them voluntarily. Even the blouses, no matter how comfortable they felt…

"Cheer up," the younger Negi said, trying to bolster his spirits. "It's not like anyone you know will see you wearing this. And it's for a good cause…"

"I guess…" Negi sighed, shuffling some bags around to give himself a better grip. "I just–"

Something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, and he paused, head turning. What he saw stopped him in his tracks, and he stared. "Is that… what I think it is?"

The other Negi turned to follow his gaze. Realization filled the younger one, and he nodded.

"I'm getting one," Erebus said, suddenly determined. Whirling, he began to march towards the storefront.

Negi scrambled after him, and the girls soon realized their pack mules weren't following behind.

"Huh?" Misa said, as the turned to look at what had gotten the boy's attention.

Calculator rolled her eyes when she saw. "Oh, for crying out loud…" she muttered.

Twilight sighed, shaking her head in amusement. "Where do you think he got a taste for them? Even when he age-changes, they're the first thing he wants to wear."

Opening the door, Erebus looked around frantically, finally spotting the man he was looking for. Pushing all the bags he was carrying at the other him, he quickly marched over to the one who looked like the most senior person in the store and said, "I want a suit."

The man looked Negi up and down, taking in his apparently feminine appearance, voice, hair and clothes and raised an imperious eyebrow.

Not allowing himself to be cowed, Negi said, with deliberate determination, "Suit me up."

The man paused again, seemed to deliberate over it, and raised a fist challengingly.

Negi knew the response however. Raising his own fist, he tapped it against the other man's.

**FIST BUMP!**

The man nodded. "This way sir," he said, gesturing towards a platform where Negi could be measured…

….

The girls waited outside the storefront. They'd been reluctant to enter the obviously testosterone-laden establishment, which was so manly they could practically feel themselves growing facial hair just standing outside it. Negi was out of sight in the back, so they had no idea how long before he got out.

As they waited for Erebus to come back, Matoi seemed to tense up for a moment, her eyebrows taking a strange curved shape.

"Something wrong, Sempai?" Sakurako questioned.

"With her? Everything is always wrong, no matter what," Misa snickered. Asuna jabbed her in the ribs, giving her a warning look.

The older girl gazed in all directions, as if trying to pinpoint something that was bothering her. "My Stalker-Sense… is tingling!" she said.

"Eh?" Chisame snorted.

Matoi's nose twitched several times. "This odd electric feeling in the air… This soft, yet pungent texture of loving nervousness drilling into us… This unmistakable sensation, not unlike that a bunny has when hunted by a hawk! I can't be wrong!"

"Now what's got into you?" Calculator pressed.

"I must find the truth behind this! I might have competition!" the older student clenched a fist with grim determination. "Wait right here, all of you! I'll come back shortly!"

And she ran away as fast as her feet allowed her to.

"Tsunetsuki-san!" Negi tried to stop her. But alas, she already had disappeared down the street.

"Chisame, she ran away from your side!" Hakase realized with borderline terror. "There must be something horribly wrong with her!"

"I repeat, old news!" Misa tossed up her hands.

"Maybe she found someone new to stalk," Haruna shrugged. "You guys said she never sticks with anyone for long, didn't you?"

"That's what Itoshiki-sensei told us, in any case," Shiina scratched her chin. "Well, if she did, all the better for you, isn't it, Chisame-chan?"

"I couldn't be so lucky. And don't call me 'Chisame-chan'," the hacker mumbled.

Misa laughed, patting her in the back. "I thought you'd look happier after being dumped! What happened? Have you grown fond of her after all?"

Chisame shook her off. "Like hell! And this isn't funny, damn it! I'd like to see what **you** would do in my place! To see what would you do if you found that face leering through your window every morning right after waking up! And then you found microphones set under your toilet seat! And then having her following you all day long until you just have to kick her butt away to earn a few hours of relief at most!"

Misa became a stick figure.

"I thought so," Chisame replied dryly.

"Under the toilet seat? Really?" Asuna grimaced.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Twilight Red complained.

"… I don't think I quite get it…" Negi confessed.

"And people call me twisted…" Haruna rubbed two fingers on her forehead in a circular fashion. "Though… that kinda sounds like something Tomoyo-chan would do…"

Kuro thought about it, and shook her head. "Nah, she'd actually be in the room with Sakura while she did those things if she wanted to. But then again, Tomoyo's raised the art of stalking to an art form…"

"Complete with professional editing, red-carpet presentation, a full orchestra, and its own theme music," Twilight agreed.

_Not so far away, Daidouji Tomoyo sneezed._

_Sakura looked down in concern from where she was trying on the clothes Tomoyo had made for her. "Are you all right, Tomoyo-chan?"_

_"Fine, Sakura-chan, just a sneeze. Here, try this garter belt… and these stockings… and these hand-made panties…"_

Up the street, in the exact opposite direction Matoi had taken, Mami, Kyoko and Sayaka peeked again over the unfolded newspapers they were reading while standing at a corner.

"Well, looks like at least one of the possible competitors has left," Kyoko whispered before taking a bite out of her chocolate bar.

"Why do I have to do this, too?" Sayaka groaned.

"I have an ill feeling about this…" Mami worried. "Like we're about to get divine punishment over it…"

Then all three of them felt a sinister shadow looming over them. And the faint sound of a cutting stare unnerved them, piercing down their spines like a blade of ice.

_Jiiiiiiiii…_

"GAH!" Kyoko was the first one to react, jerking back violently. "What the Hell?-! Why are you **here**?-! We clearly saw you running **that** way!"

"Misdirection. First thing you must do to battle an enemy," Matoi hissed angrily. "Now tell me… Which one of you is trying to steal my DEEP LOVE away…?"

"What," Sayaka said flatly.

"CHISAME-SAMA!" Matoi roared.

"Oh, the Pimply Geek?" Kyoko said insolently, ignoring Matoi's even more notable bubbling anger at that remark. "Like we'd care about her. Sayaka favors the hospital bed-ridden type…"

"I'll hurt you, Kyoko-san," Sayaka promised.

"… And Mami likes Cute Widdle Negi-sensei!" the redhead said, undaunted.

Matoi blinked, and gave the blonde a curious, wide eyed look. "Is that true?"

Mami blushed and looked down, fidgeting, before nodding briefly. _I'm so going to jail for this…_

Tsunetsuki mulled over it. "Well… Not a bad choice, really. I was in DEEP LOVE with him for a while, as well. Even now, since he always is near Chisame, you could say I continue sta— following him, too. But… But if you're really interested in him, I'll understand. Now that I know that, you start reminding me of myself when I was your age…"

The three juniors made several different degrees of disgusted faces.

"Mami-san!" Sayaka turned to the blonde. "There's still in time! Change these ways before it's too late!"

But Matoi had already placed her hands on Mami's shoulders, with a serene and placid smile. "I'll help you!"

Sayaka's head hung down. "— We've lost her."

"Eh, it might be interesting," Kyoko swallowed more chocolate. "Maybe she'll stuff some romantic determination into her head."

….

Yue whistled pleasantly to herself as she lovingly maintained her armor, running the cleaning cloth diligently over each piece as she performed some post-combat maintenance. There hadn't really been time yesterday, and she hadn't wanted to intrude on Misora any more then she'd already been doing. Still, with her out on some pseudo-nun magical business or other, she was free to spread her armor on the floor of the dorm. She'd have gone with the others to help pick out clothes for Negi (and Kuro, of course), but discipline had made her stay. As the member of Ala Alba most reliant on non-Artifact combat gear (except for Nodoka, but her Comptina Daemonia and Auris Recitans weren't as high-maintenance as Yue's armor and weapons), she had to keep her gear in shape, or risk it failing at a crucial moment.

So she'd nobly skipped out on what was sure to have been a couple of highly enjoyable hours watching Negi-sensei get stuffed into very cute girl's clothing to do the responsible thing and maintain her armor. She felt she should get a medal for that. Nodoka had sympathetically stayed behind to keep her company, despite having no pressing reason to stay, and Yue wasn't quite sure whether to bop the girl one for letting such a chance to get closer to Negi go, or be thankful for her company and that her love rival wouldn't be getting yet another advantage over her.

Still being living, breathing, hormonal teenaged, girls, however, they'd asked Misa for pictures.

"Thanks for letting me do this, Cocone-san," she said to the younger girl, who sat at the kotatsu filling out some paperwork related to yesterday's fight with the air of one doing an unpleasant but needful chore. Green Lantern-chan was the only one Yue had ever met who actually _liked_ filling out paperwork, and the reminder this was not the norm was reassuring.

Cocone nodded in acknowledgement, frowning thoughtfully at her papers, her pen poised. Yue realized she hadn't really written anything in a while, the pen just hovering at the end of a line. Still, she made no comment as she checked on the spells that manifested her helmet's heads-up displays, before taking a brush and scrubbing at the cloth parts of the armor and scrubbing them as best as she could.

Nodoka stuck her head in from the dorm's tiny kitchenette. She'd volunteered to cook. "Cocone-san, where do you keep the extra pepper?"

"Back of the right shelf," the younger girl said, "behind the tissues."

Nodoka thanked her and ducked back in. For a while, the dorm was silent except for the sound of the electric fan, food sizzling as Nodoka cooked, and a slight squeaking as Yue touched up the black paint on her armor.

When she finally finished with the left boot, the last piece, and set it aside to dry as she began putting her cleaning kit back together for storage, Cocone finally put down her pen and pushed back from the kotatsu, moving to sit in front of Yue. Yue blinked, looking inquiringly at the smaller girl.

"Yue-san," Cocone said, not looked at Yue as she found something very interesting on the floor. "If you please…"

Yue said nothing. There was something she recognized in the other girl's tone.

"Tell me…" Cocone faltered, but steadied herself. "Tell me about the other me… and Misora…"

Yue sighed. "I'm going to hurt Haruna," she muttered to herself. Then she took a deep breath. "Well, as I understand it…"

….

"So, why won't you be coming with us to the class trip, Nanoha-chan?" a disappointed Suzuka asked as she walked down the street with her two closest friends.

"Oh, Dad's suffering from his old injuries again, so we'll need to pitch in with help for the cafe," Nanoha humbly explained, smiling a small apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry about that! Promise me you'll bring me a few good pictures from Tokyo Tower, okay?"

"Hrm," Alissa made a vaguely annoyed sound. "Fine. But just because it's because of your family. Don't you have employees for that, anyway?"

"Alissa-chan, Nanoha-chan's family is not that wealthy…" Shizuka reminded her in a whisper. Sometimes, it was next to impossible for Alissa to remember not everyone lived the way she did herself.

Alissa was about to answer when she noticed something further down the street. "Hey, isn't that Negi-sensei with all those girls?"

"It's him!" Shizuka confirmed. "They must be getting clothes for their trip."

"Why don't we go talk with him?" Alissa suggested with an eager smile and a faint blush on her cheeks.

Nanoha looked at her wristwatch. "That'd be nice, but I'm afraid I can't take too long." She held her bag with groceries a bit higher. "They're counting on this at home for dinner…"

"It'll only be a second," Alissa promised before walking up to go greet the group, only to suddenly run into a taller girl with black hair, staring down at her in a highly unnerving fashion.

_Jiiiiiiii…_

"Ah, oh, hey, hello… Tsukiyuki-sempai, right?" Alissa gave a step back.

_Jiiiiiii…_

Suzuka felt cold fear grip her as the gaze drilled into them. That stare usually meant some unwanted DEEP LOVE coming up, as everyone in Mahora knew (except, apparently, Nanoha), and everyone (except, naturally, Nanoha) had come to fear it, after all.

However, she noticed, the stare seemed angry instead of loving this time.

"Good morning!" Nanoha made one of her best smiles. "Nice seeing you here, Sempai! A beautiful day for a stroll, isn't it?"

_Jiiiiiiiii…_

Alissa tugged on Takamachi's sleeve. "N-Nanoha-chan, maybe we should leave…"

"Ah?" the redhead blinked. "But we haven't even met Negi-sensei yet!"

_JIIIIIIIIIIIII…!_

"I-I-I just remembered I have urgent things to do elsewhere! And you're expected at home soon, aren't you? We must hurry!" the heiress began to drag the clueless Nanoha along herself and a silently terrified Suzuka, going in the opposite direction from Negi. "J-Just say goodbye to the nice Sempai and we'll talk with him later!"

**JIIIIIIIIIIIII…!**

"I-In a completely non-threatening way!" Alissa promised before almost running like Hell, pulling Nanoha along.

"See you later, Sempai…!" Nanoha waved happily before becoming a part of the crowd, then vanishing.

Only then did Mami, Kyoko and Sayaka pop out from behind the large billboard they had been standing behind.

" _Why_ do we have to hide as if we were criminals?" Sayaka complained.

"It was quite rude, to push them away like that…" Mami opined.

"I must say I don't really get the point of hiding from anyone, either," Kyoko huffed.

Matoi began to count with her fingers. "Lesson one: stealth is key in the pursuit of love. Lesson two: no enemy is ever small, no enemy deserves mercy. Lesson three: don't show yourself before having complete security of your superiority over the enemy. Lesson four: don't ever question Matoi-sempai's advice."

"But there's no way we can call those girls 'our enemies'…" Mami pointed out.

"Lesson five: everyone can be an enemy in a war! Everyone! Also, I remind you of lesson four!" Matoi lectured.

Kyoko looked aside and muttered. "On second thought, we'd have been better hitting the arcade… I heard the latest _Princesses in Amber_ fighting game had come out…"

….

**Act Eleven: Lingshen's Gamble.**

Chao cleared her throat. "Well. As you know, though Makie might need some reminding, hence this exposition and no other reason, we're just about to embark on a trip to beautiful Kyoto. However, I have reason to believe dangers might be waiting for us at our destination, so—"

"W-What kind of dangers?" Ako stammered. "Should we cancel—"

"No, no!" Chao gestured down with a hand. "It is **extremely important** we get to go there. Trust me on this."

"Why?" Yuuna asked. She, Chao, Ako and Makie were all sitting at the bar of the Chao Bao Zi, with Satsuki serving them generous amounts of mouth-watering food, even though only Makie was wolfing it down merrily.

"It'll make a much better, much stronger man out of Negi-bozu," Chao explained.

"Yes, well, about that," Ako intervened. "From what you've told us, Negi is some sort of mage, just like you, right?"

"In more than one way like me, yeah," the Chinese inventor nodded.

"But mages, you told us, are turned into ermines if they're found out, right?" the nurse assistant continued.

"That's correct."

"Then, if your plan to expose magic works, HOW ARE WE GONNA DEAL WITH NEGI-KUN AND MY DAD BEING TURNED INTO ERMINES?-!" Yuuna demanded to know. "For that matter, won't they turn you into an ermine, too?-!"

Chao crossed her legs. "Take it easy, Yuuna-chan. I have… studied all the possibilities before, time and time again. Once I'm done, my presence here… won't be an issue anymore."

"Oh?" Makie gulped a steaming mouthful of meat bun down. "Are you going to go away once your plan's done, Chao-chan?"

"Yep," she nodded, smiling and closing her eyes beatifically. "I'll be… going back home."

"Wait, you're just going to cut and run, leaving us to deal with the fallout?" Yuuna cried, pointing accusingly.

Ako felt some thinly veiled sadness behind those words. "Aren't you going to stay until graduation?"

"No," Chao replied. "I'm here for a purpose, and once that purpose is done, my presence would only bring you problems. But rest assured, Yuuna-chan, your father won't suffer because of this. If we play our hand just right, no one will even know you ever were involved into this."

"What about Negi-kun?" Makie asked with a childish scowl.

"Believe me, it **is** in my best interests to prevent Negi-bozu from being permanently turned into an animal," Chao promised.

"I see," Yuuna smirked. "I get it. So that's why you want to leave! You want to expose Negi, so he doesn't have any option but taking refuge with you. Then you'll take him with yourself to China, and you hope he'll be so thankful, he'll marry you due to all those Amazon laws Haruna keeps babbling about when talking about her Chinese aunt. Chao, you devil!"

The genius stared widely at her. "That… That isn't what I intend to do, at all!"

Makie and Ako turned incredulous glares at her.

"For real!" Chao promised. She noticed Satsuki softly giggling at her discomfort. "Et tu, Sat-chan? Shouldn't you know me better than that?"

Yuuna smirked. "You know, it's weirdly satisfying, seeing you like this. I don't think I ever had seen you blushing before."

"Nonsense. I'm not blushing," Chao protested. "Well, not any more than usual. I have naturally ruddy cheeks, darn it!"

"Yes, you are," Ako dared to differ. Satsuki and Makie only confirmed it with silent nods.

Chao blinked, mildly confused for once. Had she actually blushed at something as trivial and pointless like the concept of a relationship with Negi? That was simply ridiculous. The girls had to be playing a prank on her, so she shrugged it off. "Let's just make clear I'm not aiming for a relationship with him. But I still… appreciate him, and I couldn't live with the idea of harming him, much less the repercussions. You have heard my points…"

"The few ones you told us about, that is," Yuuna pointed out.

"You'll learn more when you prove being able to assimilate it," Chao stated. "Regardless, you know I want to reveal the existence of magic to the world to make for a better future for everyone. Are all of you actually willing to help with that? Do you truly believe in this cause?"

"I do," Yuuna nodded without hesitation.

"I think it'll be a much better, funnier world, yeah!" Makie smiled brightly. "Let's do it!"

"I… I still don't know," Ako looked aside uncomfortably. "I need more time to consider it. Chao-san, I'm very thankful for everything, but this is too much, too fast, for me. If anything, I think I'd prefer to remain neutral on the whole subject. I won't tell anyone about your projects, but for that, I think it's for the best if I don't learn anything beyond this. The scope of it all… is too much for me. Sorry."

"No one's forcing you to do anything, Ako-chan," Yuuna patted her back. "We understand."

Chao nodded solemnly. "Why, of course. However, like I was telling you, the Kyoto trip might hold unpleasant surprises for us all, and you must be ready for anything. On the other hand, we'll have some extra help in case we need it. For starters, I've recruited Kuga Natsuki-sempai to stay close to us in the event of any dangerous situation."

"Who's that?" Yuuna asked.

Ako frowned. "I know her well. She often comes to us with mysterious scrapes and wounds. She usually says she fell from her bike, but Shizuka-sensei says it's because she gets in a lot of fights."

"She has to," Chao said. "She's a field agent and scout. I often help her with some… information she needs on her personal investigations, so she pays me with occasional odd jobs like this one."

"That sounds very shady," Yuuna grew worried.

"No, we fight those who **_are_** shady," Chao wiggled a finger. "Think of her as our bodyguard for the trip's duration."

Makie raised a hand.

"Yes, Sasaki-san?" Chao asked.

"When will you teach us how to use magic?" Makie put her hands together.

"When you are ready for it," the genius answered simply.

"And when will that be?" Makie pressed.

"When you stop making silly questions like that. To be a good magic user, you need to think clearly, with your brain, not only your heart-ne?"

"Will you give us Pactios then?" Yuuna asked.

Chao mulled on it for maybe five seconds, maybe one full minute. "Yes, I might!" she conceded at last.

"What's a Pactio?" Makie asked Yuuna.

"I'll tell you when you're older!" her friend waved the issue away.

A few tables away, supposedly too far to hear anything, a little girl with 'naturally ruddy cheeks' and long, dyed blonde hair, smiled as her listening device picked up the conversation in its entirety. "Ah, memories," she murmured as she bit into her meat bun. "Whatever happened to the good old days when all I had to worry about was getting the world to recognize and accept the existence of magic?"

"As I understand it," her companion said, similarly loli-ed. "You got your ass kicked and nearly fell off your blimp."

"Oh, yeah," the 'blonde' said wistfully. "Good times. Still, it sounds like everything is going according to plan for her… I almost pity her the enormous screw up to come…"

….

**Act Twelve: Every Woman for Herself!**

"This _**has**_ to be the worst spent afternoon of my life," Sayaka muttered as she marched behind her friends and Tsunetsuki-sempai.

"Shhh!" Kyoko hushed her. "Keep that whiny voice low, will you!"

"You're almost screaming yourself!" Sayaka hissed.

Mami alternated her gaze between stealing loving glimpses of Negi-sensei and staring up with concern at Matoi. The older girl creeped her out, but at the same time, she felt thankful to her for her helpful efforts, misguided as they could be, so she couldn't just brush her off. "Sempai?" she whispered.

"Yes?" Matoi whispered back, not looking at her. Always looking at Chisame.

"Sorry about asking this, but… Why Hasegawa-san?"

"Why Negi-sensei?" Tsunetsuki asked back, not missing a beat.

Mami's face flushed. "I don't know. I mean, yes, people may think it's stupid; he surely doesn't even know I exist…"

"Then tell him, duh!" Kyoko said before Sayaka clamped her hands over her mouth.

"I guess I just want to know more about him. And to learn as much as I can before asking him out. Just to be sure if we're really compatible, if it's worth the effort…" the blonde mused.

Matoi hummed. "Not a bad idea. In the battlefield of love, it always pays to have as much information as you can…"

Sayaka rolled her eyes. "I'll bet you haven't ever had a real, genuine boyfriend…"

"What was that?" Matoi asked.

"Nothing," Sayaka said.

"Anyway, you must trust yourself," Matoi told Mami, while trying to crane her neck in an angle that allowed her a glimpse of Chisame's panties as a treacherous breeze blew by. "If you go into it with doubts, you'll have lost from the start."

"Now that's some advice," Kyoko said, tossing salty peanuts into her mouth. "Taking notes, Sayaka?"

The blue haired girl only grunted noncommittally. _If you go into it with doubts, you'll have lost from the start…_ she took note.

"You're cute, with a nice body, gentle and polite," Matoi reassured Mami. "Negi-sensei would have to be crazy to reject you. Look at me; I'm forgettable, flat-chested, boyish looking and ordinary, and yet I'm confident I'll win Chisame-sama's heart."

Mami patted her on an arm. "Don't be so harsh on yourself. You're very cute, you kn–"

"Please don't do that," Matoi asked flatly.

"Huh? Why?"

"I don't want to fall in Deep Love with you. I intend to remain loyal to Chisame-sama forever."

Kyoko nearly choked on her peanuts. "What the hell?-! Can't anyone tell you you're cute without you falling in love with them?"

"I'm very sensible," the stalker argued. "My heart is very tender and prone to love. And I know my own limitations and flaws."

"If you ever fall in love with two people at once, and those people live away from each other, what would you do?" Kyoko asked. "You spend half the day with each one, alternate days between them, or what?"

Matoi bit her fingernails. "Shut up! I don't want to even think about things like that!"

"I need a new circle of friends," Sayaka mused. "Maybe Hitomi can introduce me to hers inner circle…? Sure, they're the track team, but I can deal. The nice, normal, boring track team…"

_Somewhere, Kanzaki Hitomi felt a bad premonition…_

….

Sleeve length. Shoulders. Legs. Hips. Negi patiently bore the measurements, doing his best to ignore the fact he was wearing a skirt and an Entrail Animals t-shirt (seriously, what kind of merchandising psychos did this world have?). The tailor, who of course spoke only Ukrainian (the international language of all suit makers), seemed to ignore this as well, although it made measuring his legs kinda awkward. Still, he'd given the proper countersigns, and so a suit was now under hasty– but quality– construction for him. An assistant had run off to get a shirt in his size.

He smiled. Soon. Soon…

….

The door opened to the storefront opened.

"Finally!" Chisame snapped, turning to face the older Negi as he walked out…

Negi walked out…

_Negi walked **out…!**_

They all just stood, staring, as the mage, wearing a dark green suit, casually walked out of the store, his waist-length hair tied back in a way similar to how he usually wore it, but because the length and the bangs framing his face still made him look like a girl. At least, it _seemed_ casual. He looked like he'd just walked out of a transgendered deodorant commercial, as if his every movement was in slow motion.

Everything seemed to stop. It was as if some imaginary soundtrack going "dun, den, dun, den," had started.

Shining black shoes, practically glowing with the sheen of new leather…

They all turned to stare. The younger Asuna's mouth dropped to the floor, her eyes bugging out.

Slim, perfectly creased legs…

Misa, Hakase, and Sakurako began to fan themselves as heat began to rise. When had it gotten so hot in here?

Hands casually pulling on one cuff, then another…

The Chisames felt their libido, usually firmly quashed, slowly making itself known as a rising wave of magma about to erupt in an earth-shaking event. "Oh my g–" the older one breathed, before cutting off as she realized what she was saying. Calculator began frantically shaking her head to clear it.

One hand reaching up to adjust the tie, only underlining how perfect it already was…

Haruna felt a chill run through her as, her libido screamed pure, simple, direct attraction, no kinks or overly complicated concepts to get in the way of primal animal sensation. "Grrr…" she growled.

A quiet, confident, 'devil-may-care' smile that only _hinted_ at what other things it can do…

Kuro yawned and wondered what all the fuss and the damned huffing was about. The other Negi just blinked in confusion.

Glasses glinted sexily in the light…

Several bag handles creaked as several pairs of hands suddenly tightened. "Gah, not this again," Twilight panted.

"Sorry I took so long, everyone," Erebus said. He smiled. His teeth practically went "TING!". "They didn't have any pre-made suits in my size."

Across Mahora, a chill passed through EVERYONE.

"Suddenly I'm very glad Tsunetsuki left," Chisame said dazedly. "He'd have been DEEP LOVED for sure…"

….

The four of them followed with wide eyes and dry mouths, watching with captive fascination as the two Negis marched further down the street, accompanied by their respective, for lack of a better term, harems. The leader of the secretive impromptu stalking team was particularly affected, her mouth all but hanging down as random words escaped it like water leaking from a broken dam.

"Remember Chisame-sama… Remember Chisame-sama… Or even better, since they both always hang together, keep him and Chisame-sama… and the other him and the other Chisame-sama… yes… That's it… Must just get rid of all the competition…"

"Think of Kyosuke-kun, think of Kyosuke-kun…" Sayaka was muttering under her breath, which panted in and out quickly.

"Think of Sayaka, think of Sayaka…" Kyoko repeated at the same time.

"What was that?" Sayaka asked all of a sudden.

"Nothing!" the redhead feigned ignorance immediately.

Mami, oddly, was not that affected by the sight of the androgynous-looking 'female' version of Negi, deciding the male one was cuter and more to her liking. That made her retain enough self-restraint to be able to raise a coherent question. "Excuse me, Sempai, but exactly who is that girl with them?"

The stalker droned feverishly. "Negi-sensei's younger cousin. From Wales. Who is mine. Mine, mine, all mine," she said, and somewhere in the universe, a being named Larfleeze cringed, feeling as if someone had just stolen a most dear shtick of his. Matoi stopped abruptly and faced her juniors. "Our deal's off! I've reconsidered this. My boundless love is too huge to be restrained to a single target."

"… The hell?" Kyoko snapped. "That isn't what we had agreed on! Make up your damn mind, Sempai!"

"I claimed rights to Negi-sensei long before you showed up in this plot!" Matoi stood her ground, crossing her arms. "Plus, I have seniority over you all!"

"That's just a fancy way of saying you're an old egotistical hag!" Kyoko glared daggers at her. Behind her, Mami's face crunched uncomfortably, and Sayaka stared at her wristwatch.

"Hospital visit hours are almost over. I think I'll, um, just leave, then. See you tomorrow, Mami-san, Kyoko…"

"I… I think I'll go with you…" a defeated Mami sighed, following her away.

"Where are you two going?-!" Kyoko yelped. "Come back here, you spineless cowards! Fight for what is rightfully ours, I mean, Mami's! Are you women, or mice?-!" she yelled, and then, when she saw they were pretty much gone, turned back to face Matoi with a sharp killer glare. "This isn't over, old witch! If they don't want to fight for it, fine! More for me!"

"Shut up and crawl back into your cradle!"

"At least I'm closer to my cradle than to my grave, unlike **some other people**!"

"Okay, now those are fighting wo—"

Then the local Chisame down the street finally overheard her now-screaming voice. "Hey! Tsunetsuki!" she called out. "There you are! Hurry up back here and stop making an idiot of yourself in public, or I'll never talk to you again!"

Matoi beamed a wide, shit-eating grin. "She talked to me! Calling me to her side! I'm going right now, Chisame-sama!" She turned around and bolted back into the group, leaving a fuming, angry Kyoko behind.

The red haired girl stomped a foot down. "Ignore me, will you, freak show? I'll show you a few things!" she promised. "You still haven't heard the end of this!"

And then she pushed a Pocky into her mouth and began chewing on it. War had been declared, and going into it with an empty stomach just wouldn't do, after all.

….

Both Chisame's eyebrows twitched as they stared up at their destination. "Really? We're going to do this?"

"Hey, nothing tops off a perfect day of shopping like a round of karaoke! Take it from the pros!" Sakurako cried, grabbing Hakase's arm, who started. "Come on Satomi-chan! Show them you mad singing skillz!"

Twilight hummed. "Actually, I'd like to see that. We're usually too busy to come to open mic night, so it's been a while since we've heard the prof sing."

"Remember that time she turned down that talent agent?" Haruna said in exasperated remembrance. "I thought the poor guy was going to have an aneurysm! He couldn't understand someone turning down the chance to be an idol singer."

"And then he turned out to be the Music Meister in disguise, trying to steal some satellite plans…" Calculator said, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, don't they have enough labs that do this sort of thing in the US? Did he HAVE to go all the way to Mahora for that?"

"The ways of us supervillains are mysterious and unknowable," Haruna said.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "'Us' supervillains?"

Haruna grinned widely at her. "Hey, don't worry, I'm on your side!"

"Which just means we can't arrest you for being evil…" Calculator grumbled.

….

The karaoke room was practically booming with the ear shattering, powerful tones of the way too loud _A-ly-ya_. The Negis, the Asunas, Misa, the Chisames, Kuro, Matoi and Paru-sama sat watching how Sakurako and Hakase shared the spotlight, singing a duet with an enthusiasm Chisame never remembered having seen in Satomi unless there was a robot involved.

"Everybody! Hi! Hi!" Sakurako punctuated each word with an impossibly large smile.

"Everybody! Yeah! Yeah!" Satomi followed her cue in the same exact tone.

Chisame, the local one, that is, stared at her roommate in a somewhat distant, absent way, wondering exactly why it seemed right and wrong at once, to see her so happy, singing along Shiina of all people, sharing glinting gazes and twin smiles. For a very brief instant, the treacherous memory of their kiss right after the Library Island fiasco bothered her before she filed it away.

Then Haruna was speaking to her, pulling her right back into reality.

"She's good! Not as good as our Prof yet, but she's getting there. Guess she's just lacking more practice," and she pointed to the score board near them, showing an 88% and rising. "You been helping her?"

"Ah, sort of," she shrugged, not really looking at the fake child. "Since she started… going out for real with Shiina, she's been practicing at home every night, between dinner and building highly unstable weaponry for purposes I prefer to ignore."

_"So, you'll lend me the microphone?" Hakase asked hopefully._

_"Eh, why not? Just don't damage it, okay?" Hasegawa sighed, handing her over the mike of her Chiu acting set. She often used it for live chat sessions and speeches to her fandom, but she rarely sang with. She still was very unsure about her own voice, despite the fans' (and Negi's) words of encouragement about it._

_Hakase, on the other hand, had been a natural. Seeing her singing, Chisame often pondered pulling her into her Chiu act, maybe as some sort of secondary attraction. She still lacked a lot of grace in her motions, but that could be fixed with training. And then again, many fans considered clumsiness to be a strong moe selling point. On the other hand, Chisame feared she might take more of the spotlight away than she'd have liked. It was bad enough to see how Negi stared at her while she sang, with wide round eyes… Did he look the same way when he was watching her in her Chiu persona? Not that she cared, naturally! But…_

And now, both Negis even looked the same way as they watched and listened to the duo. Ugh.

The Asunas apparently found the notion of the boys being in awe of the Professor's mad singing skillzz to be a funny one, particularly Twilight, who knew how much more distant 'her' Negi and 'their' Satomi were. Misa, however, was beginning to scowl as she nailed narrow eyes on the oblivious younger Negi's face.

"A-LY-YA! Iza yuke ya! A-LY-YA! Shoujo-tachi yo… A-LY-YA! Iza yukeba! A-LY-YA! Hi Hi!" Sakurako sang.

"A-LY-YA! Iza yuke ya! A-LY-YA! Shounen-tachi yo. A-LY-YA! Iza yukeba. Eeeeeveeeeerything OK!" Hakase seemed about to laugh, her cheeks flushed.

"Awwww, ain't they sweet?" Haruna giggled with mischievous manic glee. "Why, they've already left Setsuna and Konoka in the dust, and they haven't even hit Kyoto yet!"

Asuna, Chisame, Negi and Misa blinked and looked at her.

"What?" Asuna said.

"Konoka and Setsuna are a couple in your world?" Misa asked.

"They barely talk to each other!" Negi added.

"Well, not for lack of effort on Kono-chan's part," Asuna admitted. "But Setsuna's very cold and distant with her. I think she hates her for some reason. Maybe it's from when they were both kids at Kyoto…"

Twilight, Calculator, Deathnote, Kuro and even Erebus shared a knowing smile.

Asuna frowned. "What's so funny about that?"

Calculator, for once, chuckled, even if dryly. "Trust us, that's going to change soon."

Kagurazaka stiffled a laugh. "Yeah, there's no hate there, no sir!"

"Well, I hope so, at least," Erebus, always the worrywart, pondered, although not concerned enough to stop smiling. "But this world would have to be very different for them to stop being such close friends."

Then Twilight looked down at him, wondering if he really was still that thick about it all, or if he truly had a clear idea of the true nature of Konoka and Setsuna's relationship by now. Probably better not to dwell on that, particularly in public, though.

"Really, Asuna, you should know Konoka better!" Paru teased the local Kagurazaka mercilessly. "Can't you feel the DEEP LOVE latent in the air between them?"

Baka Red stared into space stupidly. "Kono-chan and… Setsuna…?"

"I can," Tsunetsuki nodded, and tightened a fist while crying manly tears, her voice brimming with respect. "Sakurazaki-san's DEEP LOVE is… almost enough to rival with mine. Very rarely had I beheld such a devotion, such a passion, such a vehement and frantic love, without staring deeply into my own soul…"

"Okaaaaaayyy…" both Chisames cringed. Calculator just felt a whole lot luckier now. Her poor counterpart truly had it bad from all sides. Still…

As the two Chisame's sat back, waiting for the number to end, the younger Chisame became aware of a penetrating stare. Being familiar with Matoi's particular brand of penetrating stare, and ascertaining this felt nothing at all like that, she turned and found herself looking at Haruna. The chibified mangaka's ahoge were twitching like crazy. "What?" she asked irritably.

Haruna took a deep, satisfied breath, letting it out slowly, her lips curving into a Cheshire cat smile. "Ah… The bitter, bittersweet scent of rotting candy almonds… the unripe-orangeish scent of rabid jealousy… even between worlds, the signs are clear…. Chisame-san… I'd never have expected _you_ , of all people, to develop the love-reek…" Haruna whispered.

Chisame suddenly flushed, wondering what was it about her that made Harunas throw around wild, highly inflammatory, slanderous, insane and stupid accusations like that. She dutifully kicked in the balls, gut-punched, head-slammed against an anvil, body-slammed, stuffed in a bag, dropped a refrigerator on, and threw into the lake weighed down by previously mentioned anvil the little voice in her head that suggested maybe they had a point. "I am not 'reeking'!" she hissed, trying not to draw attention to herself as she glared at Haruna. "Mind your own business, you creepy mangaka!"

Haruna's eyes shot up. "Wow," she said, voice just as low and even more amused. "Haven't been called _that_ in a while. Seriously, what do people find so disturbing about two men being intimate together? And you're definitely reeking. It is quite obvious to me, Chisame-chan that you…"

Chisame's hands darted forward to either cover Haruna's mouth or strangle her, whichever place her hands happened to end up.

"…are in love with Sakurako!"

Chisame suddenly froze, blinking and staring at Haruna. "What," she said flatly. She could feel Matoi watching them, but then again, she always did, so Chisame gave it no mind.

"It's obvious," Haruna said with a worldly air. "You've been giving her the 'I want to grab her, throw her onto the table and have my mouth to do obscene things to her mouth, and then it'll start moving south' look all night! Jealous of the prof, are we?"

Chisame just stared at her. Her shoulders began to shake.

"Heh…" she choked out. "Heh… ha hah… hah ha hah… BWAHAHAHAHAHA!-!-!-!-!"

The song ended, and everyone blinked and turned to look at Chisame curiously, except for Matoi, who was glaring at Haruna with a suspicious look.

"Chisame-san?" the younger Negi said.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Chisame kept on laughing, somewhere between mild hysteria and genuine amusement, though it was rapidly leaving the former as the absurdity of it set in. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, thanks Saotome! I needed that! Bwahahahahaha!"

Calculator looked around Asuna to glare at Haruna. "What did you _do_?-!" she demanded.

Haruna shrugged. "I think the poor girl's snapped," she said. "She couldn't handle the truth."

"HARUNA!" Calculator cried, trying to lunge at the mangaka, who backed away, still grinning. " _WHAT DID YOU **DO?-!-?-!-?-!**_ "

Chisame waved to her other self. "No, no, it's all right!" she panted, getting the laughter under control. "She just said something _really_ stupid that was actually funny. I'm good, I'm good."

Haruna raised an eyebrow. "What's funny about–?"

Still smiling and chuckling, Chisame grabbed her in a headlock. "It was really funny, Paru-chan," she said, expression not changing at all. "But maybe you shouldn't repeat it so much. You might wear out the joke, heh?"

Haruna, whose face was turning slightly blue, nodded frantically, and Chisame released her, still chuckling to herself and wiping her eyes.

Both Asunas and Calculator gave her a jealous look. "I've always wanted to do that," Twilight said, pouting.

"Asuna!" both Negis exclaimed. "You shouldn't want to hurt your classmates/teammates!" they chorused, practically in stereo.

"Hand the mic here, Misa!" Chisame said, feeling uncharacteristically cheerful and lighthearted. Really, she should give in to the urge to strangle the idiots around her more often if it felt this good! "I feel like taking a crack at it! Whatta you got?"

_Somewhere, Negimaru!Chisame starred at the knife in her hands…_

"Well, I _was_ going to sing '1000% Sparkling'–" Misa said.

"Great! I'll take that!" Chisame said, getting to her feet and grinning wildly as the on-screen countdown began.

"My god," Calculator said in horror. "She's snapped! Haruna actually managed to break her mind!" She scooted away from her teammate, eyeing her suspiciously and putting both Asunas and Hakase between them

As Haruna panted and rubbed at her throat, she bowed her head to hide her satisfied smile. Across the room, Kuro caught her eye, flicked a look at Hakase, and raised an eyebrow. Haruna winked and nodded, once.

Ah, it was hard work steering one's classmates love lives, especially when they were all so prone to denial, catatonia, Tsun-tsun-ness, and procrastinating. Still, it looked like it was working. She'd probably get this Chisame to admit she was hot for Hakase in a week…

Really, being dismissed as a creepy, annoying, loud, love-crazy pervert had a _lot_ of uses…

…

_Somewhere, Negimaru!Chisame killed him, then somehow ended up in another universe with a second chance to repeat things…_

…

**Act Thirteen: People Are The Same Everywhere.**

Setsuna opened the door only to find herself face to face with herself. Again.

"… Sakurazaki-san?" she said, after discarding all other options in her mind for address an alternative universe counterpart of her own person. "What are you doing here?"

"I apologize in advance for my actions," the older Setsuna bowed formally. She was wearing a heavy, identity-hiding ensemble of a trench-coat, scarf, glasses and hat, which, if anything, made her much more suspicious than if she had just walked around normally, though she managed to pull it off. The younger Setsuna wondered what kind of idiot could have picked that for her. Much to her distress, she could think of **many** possibilities in her class alone. She wondered how it would look on her…"I know Ojou-sama and I promised to keep our interference to a minimum, but… developments have arisen forcing us to ask for your hospitality for one of our companions."

"One of you? Which one?" the local Setsuna asked numbly.

Kuro strode in carelessly. "Hey, Set-chan! Nice place you have here, but it's a bit bare. Where are all the lovely piccies of Konoka-chan?"

"What?-!" Setsuna gasped. "Who are you? A-And why would I keep pictures of Konoe-san around?"

Kuro gave her a shocked look. "You mean you _aren't_ hot for Konoka-chan?"

Setsuna made a ghastly face, even as Sakurazaki blushed and groaned behind her.

"C-Confound you, you little interloper!" Setsuna's fingers twitched, just _this_ close of grabbing Yuunagi and going to town. "Why in the world are you in my home, mocking me with such… absurd questions?-!"

The little girl breathed easier. "Oh, typical denial reaction. So you **are** hot for her, after all. Thank God. I was afraid one of the constants of the universe had been broken, dragging us all to Armageddon… again. Though we _ARE_ due for this month…"

"Her name is Kuro von Einzbern-Emiya," Sakurazaki explained. "We have been left with no place for her to stay until the Kyoto trip…"

"No one wanted to take her in their home, you mean!" Setsuna protested.

"I could have just made my own replacements the way I did last night…" Kuro said.

" _ **HELL NO**_!" Sakurazaki said, surprising Setsuna with her vehemence. "Over my cold, dead, cremated corpse! Who knows how many people you traumatized last night!"

"What mean onee-chans," Kuro lay down on the couch, quickly growing bored with the Spartan decoration of Setsuna's quarters. "You need something to liven things up. Why don't you try decorating all of this with huge sexy posters of Konoka-chan? It did wonders for AngelGARd-chan's mood!"

Setsuna looked at her counterpart with horror. "You didn't do such a thing! Did you?"

Sakurazaki looked aside guiltily. "It was just… a few portraits to celebrate our friendship at first. But… I don't know how it escalated, honestly…"

"Wall to wall!" Kuro spread her hands ahead, as if blanketing the walls with posters.

"How immoral!" Setsuna gasped.

"Many of them life-sized!" Kuro continued.

"How scandalous!" Setsuna was horrified.

"Even a bikini one on the ceiling over her bunk!" Kuro licked her lips. "Laminated and waterproofed!"

Setsuna felt like fainting for the first time in almost ten years. "A complete perversion of our sacred duties!"

Sakurazaki hid her face. "I should never have let you into my dorm room, Kuro!"

Kuro pulled a photo out of her cleavage and handed it over to Setsuna. "Here. A copy of the bikini pic. Consider it my payment for staying here."

Setsuna blushed and snatched the picture away. "I'll take it! I mean… just to keep it out of the hands of perverts like you!"

Kuro shrugged and nodded. She had copies stored at home, anyway…

Then a hideously cute Loli Konoka skipped in, wearing a hideously cute frilly pink dress and summer hat, a basket withof flowers hanging from an arm, her hair dyed light brown. "Set-chan, Set-chan…! Sorry I took so long! I was picking these flowers for you, as a token of our appreciation, Set-chan…!"

She extended the basket up at a paralyzed, overdosed with moe, young Setsuna. The young swordswoman could only twitch and nod mechanically, a rictus smile etched onto her face. _I am not a pervert, I am not a pervert, I am not a pervert…_ she chanted in her head.

Kuro was rummaging through Setsuna's belongings. "Ah-hah! So you **do** have pictures of her, after all!"

….

**Act Fourteen: Family Matters.**

"Okay, now. This will be our trial by fire," Chisame said as she walked up and down the room, hands crossed behind her back. "Our big encounter against an enemy who can recognize us on the spot. She knows all my weaknesses. She has always been able to see through my disguises. She may look weak, clueless and absent minded, but she's actually a formidable source of problems and mustn't be overlooked. The whole success of our operation relies on fooling her successfully!"

"I think you're taking this too far," Calculator said, still in her Loli form, sitting on the couch dangling her legs down. "Did we HAVE to make my maids stay with the librarians?"

"You think that…" Chisame pointed a finger at her, "… because you don't have _an older sister_!"

Chibi-Asuna looked at Hakase. "Is she always that melodramatic when it comes to her sister?"

"You know how it is when it comes to people's family…" the scientist shrugged, then seemed to remember. "Or not. My apologies."

Chibi-Asuna waved it off. "Eh, no worries. I kinda understand… Arika-neechan can be pretty intense too, in her own way…"

Hakase blinked. "Who?"

Calculator groaned, adjusting the collar of her dress once again. "Relax. Even if she notices the resemblance, she'll think it's nothing but a coincidence. How could she even start to suspect the truth?"

Chisame hummed. "If the last few months have taught me anything, that's things go wrong whenever they can go wrong, no matter how farfetched it may seem. Then tell me again, who are you?"

"I'm Hakase Satomi, your roommate."

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, HAKASE!"

"I'm Nelly Springfield, Negi's older cousin from Wales!" Magus Erebus replied in a long-suffering voice. "I'm your teacher, darn it! Can't I get a little respect?-!"

"A-hem!" Chisame and the others rasped.

Erebus sighed. "I'm Nelly Springfield, Negi's older cousin * _and_ * fiancee from Wales!" Magus Erebus replied in a long-suffering **feminine** voice. "Can't we just have the Master renew the voice spell?"

"Better," Chisame approved. The younger Negi made a mental note to never visit a parallel universe himself. "Asuna?"

"Huh?" the dyed Princess blinked.

"No, no!" Chisame stomped a foot down. "You're Kanda Akemi, and you're Negi's other, but Japanese and younger, cousin!"

"Not his fiancee too?" Hakase asked.

"No!" Asuna snapped. "No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no! It's been two years people, will you all let that go!"

"Wow," Albert said. "Really? Sixteen 'no'-s?"

"I have to agree there," Negi, the one with pants on, nodded a few times.

Calculator sighed and recited her lines with a perfectly ease. It was just another kind of cosplay, after all. "I'm Shimura Yumi, President of the Young Chiu Fangirls Club! I love my idol so much, I learned her secret identity and did my best to look as similar to her as I could! She recognized my devotion, and so I'm spending the next few days with her until her trip to Kyoto!"

Even Hakase looked dubious. "… Are you sure that could be considered a good cover story?"

"Best thing we could come up with on such a short notice!" the Chisames yelled in unison.

Then the door rang. Chisame nearly panicked. "Oh crap, it's _her_!"

Calculator perked up in attention. Deep down, she wondered what kind of person that sister was, and how her own life would have been like if she had one herself.

However, her counterpart seemed to have frozen on the spot, so Asuna sighed and went for the door herself, beating both Negis to it, and now standing face to face with a clumsy looking short girl with messy brown hair, bottle bottom glasses, and a face full of freckles. There was also a short, unremarkable looking young man with black hair standing behind her.

All in all, Calculator had been expecting something else.

"Good afternoon, I…" the young woman at the door blinked, adjusting her glasses to look past Chisame and towards Calculator. "… I am Hasegawa Sora… Pleased to… to meet you…"

Somehow, Calculator felt an icy snap galloping up her spine. Those huge naive eyes were the kind of eyes you'd normally just ignore under any normal circumstances, but the sudden way they were focused on her was somewhat unnerving. It was a completely innocent glare, and yet, the shocked feeling they conveyed was enough to make her feel uneasy.

"Ah, ah, good afternoon, Sora-san," Negi stepped in, managing to convey a decent sense of normalcy. Lying so often to protect his secret was starting to make him good at it, apparently. "And to you as well, Morisato-san."

"G-Good afternoon, everyone," the visiting young man bowed quickly. Chisame already had met him twice when visiting Sora at Nekomi Tech.

"Morisato-san? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Well, we have been officially hired by the Dean to act as your drivers for the trip's duration…" he told her.

"Didn't Negi-sensei tell you?" Sora asked, blinking.

Chisame's face twitched. "N-No…"

Negi put a hand behind his head. "Well, with everything that happened after that, I guess I just forgot it…"

"You forgot," Chisame blunted bluntly.

"Yes, sorry."

"You sure are," the younger Hasegawa sister snapped icily, before turning back to Sora and sighing. "Sister, I want you to meet Shimura Yomi-chan, daughter of a teacher here, and a girl I'm looking after while her father is, um, in America. She's a major fan of You-Know-Who, so don't be too shocked if she acts and looks just like me."

"Oh. Yes, she does look a lot like you when you were her age!" Sora marveled, getting closer to Calculator and examining her face with great awe. Calculator faked a childish giggle. "Impressive. So cute…"

Then, to everyone's shock, she hugged Calculator and began bawling her eyes out. "I'm reminded of all those happy days that will never come back…!"

"We had happy days? Since when?" Chisame wondered.

To bail out the gasping Calculator, Negi stifled a false laugh and dragged Erebus by a hand, pulling him closer. "Um, this is my cousin Nelly, just arrived from Wales. H– uh, _she_ will be staying with us for a while."

"Hello, everyone," Erebus lowered his head, blushing so cutely everyone, even Negi and Keiichi, had a brief saccharine-induced pause. His voice sounded very soft and shy as he spoke. "I, errr, am still very new to Japan, but I'm so glad to see Negi-kun has so many good friends here…"

"Really? You speak flawless Japanese," Sora's grip on Calculator loosened just a bit.

"Oh, Negi taught me!" he lied. "He's such an excellent teacher, always trying his best for his students…"

"She's also his fiancée," Hakase spoke for the first time since the door was opened.

Sora and Keiichi blanked out. "… Fiancée?" they chorused.

Hakase shrugged. "It seems to be an arranged marriage agreement of sorts. Some old fashioned clans still resort to such barbaric customs. It wouldn't shock me if they allowed polygamy as well. Oh, but where are our manners. I shall go bring tea." Without batting an eyelash, she walked for the kitchen. Chisame managed to repress her urges to strangle her as she passed by next to her. Why oh why did she always have to listen to Haruna's ideas?

"Ah, well, I'm Kanda Akemi, Yumi-chan's classmate and best friend," Asuna offered lamely.

"Best friend?-!" Calculator spat.

"Why else would I be living here with you?-!" Asuna hissed at her.

Sora thought she understood. "Ah. 'Fire-forged' friends."

"What?" Calculator and Twilight said at once.

"Well, you know, the kind of friends who love each other very much despite how often they look like they can't stand each other, because of the ties that join them born out of harsh situations they went through together," Erebus explained with a very small smile. "Like Asuna-san and Ayaka-san…"

Asuna gave him a ferocious glare. Calculator chuckled.

"Or Chisame-san and Chachamaru-san…" Erebus continued.

Calculator now bit her tongue before a treacherous protest could escape her mouth.

….

**Interlude: Bring on the Bad Guys Again.**

_Near Kyoto. Exactly where, we can't tell you or we'd have to kill you._

"She has started drinking the tea," he softly said, his bucktoothed mouth almost pouting up cooingly as he reached a hand up to pat at the comatose female's cheeks. Partially comatose, at least. "It still puzzles me, you know, Your Majesty," the short man with the huge hat confessed humbly. "She is, for all conscious intents and purposes, catatonic, and yet she drinks whenever we place the cup near her lips. That is true tenacity if I have ever seen one, indeed. Such a love and longing for a life, even if her mind is virtually nothing!" he said, fascinated.

Amagasaki Chigusa frowned thoughtfully, crossing her slim arms under her breasts. "There are many things your science can't explain, Tetch-sama."

The little man looked up at her, half offended, half intimidated. "My Queen, while I respect your authority and even more your executioner's beheading axe, I would prefer if you didn't call me such a name."

She sighed in mild frustration. "My apologies, Hatter-sama," she grumbled. She felt inclined to add she wouldn't behead him either, but the way he was irritating her lately, she wasn't sure she could hold on to that promise. "So, to sum it up, while she has shown no signs of recovery beyond that point, she at least can take sips of your tea."

"My most special tea, indeed, Your Majesty," the man with the American accent nodded quietly, adjusting his bowtie for a moment. "All good girls should drink it," he smiled, in a manner Chigusa found rather unnerving. Gotham City freaks. Everyone had always warned her about them. Now she understood why. "Of course, if you are really that worried about getting fast results, we always could try operating. Inserting a chip near her nervous—"

"No, no," she waved a hand in disapproval, making the small man to gasp. "There's no way of knowing how would she react. Far too risky. Continue the… current treatment for now, until our own investigations yield concrete results. And no matter what, **never allow her to wake up**."

"My Queen," he bowed grandly for her, as two of his costumed henchmen, a woman with white makeup and fake bunny ears and a large bald man with an absent, vacant stare, escorted her out of the room. "Then, with your permission, I shall begin installing the external neural emitters. They won't be as effective as an implant, but will make her more pliable. I just have to find her a nice hat…"

Chigusa waved her approval, eager to be away from him.

Tsukuyomi sat outside, swinging her feet back and forth, smiling pleasantly. "So, how did it go?"

Chigusa half-shrugged. "Tetch is, for all his faults, an expert at his field. The woman is under complete control all the time. Wasn't Inugami with you?"

The girl pouted cutely. "I don't think he likes me very much. He takes any excuse to drift away. I wonder why…"

"Yes, I wonder," Chigusa repeated, not bothering to hide her dry sarcasm. But the sword expert gave no sign of noticing.

"Hatter-sama is a dearie, though. He calls me his Alice, and gives me gifts all the time. Little things, but it's the thought what matters, isn't it?"

"He calls all girls 'Alice'," the woman sneered. Pet monkeys began to gather around her as she marched with the younger female, scurrying out of everywhere to join her. "And you know what he expects in trade. I assume you haven't given it to him?"

"Not my type, actually," Tsukuyomi shook her head, smiling sweetly. "I like… _physical_ people. Not thinkers. Only those who can spill blood with their own hands."

"Oh, he has spilled a lot of blood, make no mistake," Chigusa droned.

"Yes, but it isn't the same thing. I like…" she put a finger on her mouth, "… Warriors. Those who can sweat and bleed on you. Not someone who just pulls out a gun or makes people do their bidding. That… simply won't do. Guns are ugly and noisy, not at all like a good quiet blade, chopping with precision and elegance, and puppets are boring…"

_Somewhere, Chachazero twitched, feeling very offended for some reason…_

"I see…" Chigusa deadpanned. No wonder Inugami ditched her every chance he got. She felt sorely tempted to kick her out herself. If not for the direct instructions to keep her around…

"Kotaro-han doesn't like keeping the pretty lady here, either," Tsukuyomi spoke once again. "He's too much of a gentleman, even if he tries to deny it…"

"I have noticed," Chigusa nodded. "He should work on it. Excessive scruples are just as bad… as a total lack of them."

"Was that last part directed at me?" Tsukuyomi giggled cutely.

"Of course not. You haven't given the Hatter a chance, have you?" the woman smirked.

Tsukuyomi giggled again, placing a hand on a cheek. "Aaahh, I'm a nicer girl than I thought, after all…! Maybe I should fix that…"

….

**Act Fifteen: Pale Moon.**

_Mahora, at the Deep Woods Vampire Retirement Home…_

Evangeline could get used to being pleasantly sexually exhausted every night. She'd rarely gotten laid with a regular partner who knew what she liked on a regular basis in her centuries, and those times she _had_ were usually too aggravating to last. Clow Reed had an annoying tendency to work on ideas he'd had _during_ sex immediately afterwards, not even bother to get clothed… and taking the blanket, damn him. It was part of the reason she stayed away from Kinomoto when the girl did magic. Some of the Cards _still_ called her "Evangeline-mama", damn their cute loli hides. Erzsebet Bathory, she had left when the woman become more obsessed with immortality than sex, though Eva sometimes wondered whatever happened to Bathory's little maid. What was her name… Jeanette?. A pity she had needed to leave the young girl behind. She had been delectable…

She lay against her other self, the game system still running animations and playing short demo fights as she dreamed randomly.

_Evangeline strolled through Mahora on the arm of a red-haired man, though she couldn't see his face. The scene flickered, and they were strolling through Kyoto towards a mostly vine-hidden house, with one domed roof like an observatory sticking out. Singing played in the background…_

She smacked her lips in the waking world, clutching her other self tighter.

_She lay back on her chair, nose stuffed and dripping from hay-fever, one eyebrow twitching as she stared at the little red-haired annoyance and the taller red-haired annoyance he'd brought with him. "What?-! ARE YOU ON CRACK?-!" She couldn't possibly have heard him right._

_Chachamaru just smiled and poured her tea. "Pale moon, pale moon…" she sang. "Cleanses the sinful and makes them anew…"_

_Asuna scowled at her as she held out her foot for the boya to lick. "Shining brightly, in the night sky… waiting for_ their _souls…"_

Someone shook her. She pushed them off, snuggling under the covers.

_The tea tasted strange. She tried to reach for it to throw it away, but her limbs wouldn't move. She scowled, looking around to chastise Chachamaru for buying some sort of gutter-leaving convenience store tea– for SURELY the gynoid was better at brewing tea than THAT!– but her head just lolled numbly, unable to move._

_"She has started drinking the tea."_

_A short, buck-toothed, shadowed form patted her cheek in an overly familiar manner that would have had Eva breaking his hand had she been able. "It still puzzles me, you know, Your Majesty. She is, for all conscious intents and purposes, catatonic, and yet she drinks whenever we place the cup near her lips. That is true tenacity if I have ever seen one, indeed. Such a love and longing for a life, even if her mind is virtually nothing!"_

_A vaguely familiar woman came partially into view…_

Eva's brow furrowed…

_She floated in the air, staring down at a great complex in the middle of a lake, surrounded my mountains and woods. An enormous, four-armed, glowing humanoid figure roared, straining at the cold and spell that bound it. She laughed in pure joy and delight of power unleashed. "Keh heh heh! You chose your opponent poorly, woman!" Power wove between her hands. "For LO! I am the Vampire Evangeline! The Dark Evangel! Look upon my magicks, ye mighty, and DESPAIR!"_

_She threw back her head and laughed and laughed and laughed…_

_The demon god roared as ice covered it. "Who will be born again to-night? Will_ they _be born again to-night…?"_

Someone shook her, harder. She pushed them back, and there was a thump as someone tumbled out of the bed.

_Evangeline ran, not daring to look behind her at her pursuer. The pair of giant boots thumped after her, its giant jaws intent on eating her…_

_She passed a scarecrow with a mop and a pumpkin for a head, who blew out a stream of cigarette smoke. "Obligatory Discworld reference included with the Gaiman stuff," he muttered in disgust. "Well, at least it's not the whole turtle and elephants…"_

_A giant cane came out of nowhere and pulled him out of the scene._

_She was falling through a tunnel of rainbow light, and there was great heat-cold-pressure-vacuum-noise-silence-strange-normal. She felt herself being ripped from her home, and suddenly she was far away, in a place of darkness and heat and cold, and she could feel herself changing into a small, delicate thing, and she could no longer feel herself, her true self, in her ears Gaia screamed for vengeance and death, **death** , **DEATH** to humans, death to them all, they hurt her, they hurt her so bad, and so she retreated into herself to get away from Gaia to rest, yes rest, this will all make sense in the night, but now she couldn't come out, couldn't wake, no matter how much she tried and tried and tried, and she couldn't take this, it hurt, being broken hurt, of Serenity where are you Serenity, my little host why are you gone my host my host my host my home my chosen my Shinso, so young so young so lonely so lonely like me, come for me come for me save me save me save me I need you my host my host save me bring be home home home I need you home home home have to stop the earth stop the earth stop her stop Gaia stop Gaia stop Type-Earth stop stop stop stop the Incubators are among you stop them stop them stop them live live live but first _ **_SAVE ME_ ** _!_

Someone struck Evangeline and her eyes snapped open. She blinked blearily, staring up at her own angry visage, one fist raised. Her mouth opened to say something relevant, perhaps something confused or angry. Instead, she felt her mouth singing. " _Pa-a-ale moon, pa-aa-ale moon. Clean-ses the si-nful and makes them a-new… Shi-ning brightly, in-the-night-sky, wai-ting for_ their _souls…_ _Who will be born a-gain, to-ni-i-ight? Will_ they _be born a-gain, to-ni-i-ight?…_ _Pa-a-ale moon, pa-aa-ale moon. Clean-ses the si-nful and makes them a-new… "_

"Stop singing already!" the other her cried, raising a fist again. There was a blur of movement, and it was stopped cold by an implacable robotic fist around its wrist. Then other blur, and another fist clamped onto _that_ wrist.

Evangeline just blinked. Her mouth moved up and down, and but it did so without her volition, the song pouring out as if from a damn.

The Chachamaru clutching the other Evangeline's hand let go, reaching into a pocket and puling out a Pactio Card. " _Telepathia,_ " she said clearly as she placed it against her forehead. "Negi-sensei? I'm sorry to disturb you so late, but I am afraid it is urgent. Please rouse Konoka-san and have her bring her Artifact. The master… I do not know what is wrong with her. She just keeps on singing…"

Evangeline screwed up her will, focusing it as she had first learned when she'd first learned magic. "KYOT–!" she managed to gasp out, interrupting the song mid-line, only for it to resume. She tried again. "KYOTO!"

She could feel it within her, from neither her heart, her mind nor anything else. She felt it in her blood, her power, her primal connection to the moon itself. It pulled at her, insidious, inexorable.

She tried one last time. "KYOTO!"

….

**Epilogue: Call to Arms.**

_Tokyo_

She kept her hands together before the fire as she muttered the words with feverish urgency, her eyes well closed. She was completely alone in the penthouse, standing in the middle of her small private shrine, the place where she practiced the arts her grandfather had secretly taught her, and more. Father would never understand or approve, but she felt it was something she had to do.

The wound in her forearm still ached, even as the thin lines of her spilled blood slowly flowed into the fire, offering the last thing needed for the ritual's completion. The young woman finished the invocation, and then the whole room exploded into a maelstrom of light, blowing all the fire off in a second, even as the astrological sign of Mars briefly appeared in the middle of the dying flames.

The girl's heart jumped. She had done it. Her excitement only grew as she saw the tall, majestic figure materializing right before her, where the fire had been moments before. She paid no attention to the smoking hole in her roof; all of her attention was fixed on that imposing, impossibly beautiful woman, standing proudly under the pale moonlight that shone through the roof's hole. She had long golden hair reaching past down her waist, an hourglass but powerful figure, and mismatched eyes, one blue, the other green. She wore a simple but elegant white dress, cut around the slender legs enough to allow her free mobility, and there was a large and obviously heavy sword in her right hand.

Her voice was even and cold as she finally spoke. "I am called The Shield. Tell me, you, the only one who stands before me; are you aware you are my Master?"

"Yes," the shorter female smiled, her own large violet eyes beaming with satisfaction. "I have purposefully summoned you in this dark hour, to help me accomplish my goals and hold the Holy Grail in my hands. I'm Hino Rei. What is your true name?"

"My true name is of little importance anymore," the woman answered. "It has been cursed and reviled so long, I would prefer to forget it forever. I am the Shield, from now on and to the end of times."

"You don't carry a shield," Hino dubiously replied, before kicking herself inside. It obviously had to be her Noble Phantasm summon…

"I have no shields. **I** am the Shield," the blond woman explained, looking around for signs of anyone else. "Tell me, Master, is your lack of company a temporary event, or should I expect company shortly?"

"I live alone here. Mother died long ago, and Father spends most of his time overseas," Rei began to explain. "He has much influence, so I have a permission for that. However, shortly, we will be moving to Mahora, where the War will take place in this cycle according to all signs."

"Mahora," the woman said in a short breath, as if recognizing the name.

"Do you know it?"

"Only by name. I was… told about it long, long ago, by… someone whose name does not need being brought here."

"Oh," Rei said, unsure of what to do next. The books weren't exactly clear on what to do between the summoning and the battles. "So, um, I took the liberty of preparing a bedroom for you. You must be tired, after all that effort to manifest yourself in this world…"

"I am not tired."

"Right. Well, hungry, then? I'm not a great cook, but I have some leftovers from dinner…"

"…"

"…"

"I could use some dinner. Thanks for your hospitality, Master," the blonde finally bowed her head. From her manners, it was clear she was not that used to bowing to others. Maybe it always had been the other way around, Rei thought.

"Oh, it's nothing…" the teenager said. "W-Well, do you prefer fish, or chicken….?"

**\- To be continued…**

….

**Omake: Sailor V Says…**

"Hello again, everyone! I'm Sailor Venus!"

"And I'm Sailor Mercury, definitely not Ookuchi Akira!"

"You can't say that either, Akira."

"… Sorry."

"Never mind. In any case, it's time to learn the moral of this chapter! However, we couldn't reach an agreement on it, because this was a transition chapter with no major moral dilemmas, so to help us sort it out, we have brought the awesome, fantastic WHEEL OF MORALITY!"

"— We are ripping off _Animaniacs_ now?-!"

"Please, Mercury-chan! It's called H-O-M-A-G-E! Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn!"

"… I can't believe we're actually doing this…"

"And here it comes! Today's lesson is… is… 'Possums have pouches like kangaroos'!"

"It's even the same absurd moral they had in an episode I watched once! And it has no relation to anything that happened in this chapter!"

"Hey, don't knock the marsupial knowledge. In the Magical Girl business, you never know when you'll have to face a giant marsupial of doom intent on stealing your Star Seed."

"Does that happen to you often?"

"Twice last month."

"… What have I gotten into?-!"

"Just be thankful you aren't the one who's going to get Kampfered. Or Puella Magi-ed. Well, that's all for today's chapter, kids! Send you letters and Mercury-chan and me will be glad to answer all your questions!"

"If it means we stop giving morals, then yes, please, send all questions you may have. Any and all…"

"Peace out!"

* * *

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade:_ **

**Full Name:** Saotome Haruna

 **Known Aliases** : Paru, Kira Deathote Paru-sama, The Creepy Mangaka Supreme

 **Alignment:** Extreme Chaotic, Romantic Neutral

 **ECL:** Rank B+ threat

 **Religion:** Awesomerism

 **Sexuality:** Lovable Sex Maniac

 **Family:** she doesn't talk about it. The rumors she is somehow related to Tomoyo Daidouji and Raven of the Teen Titans on her father's side, however, is widely rampant, though unsubstantiated.

 **Affiliations:** Mahora Academy, Ala Alba, the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association, Daidouji Toys Merchandising Division and Design Advisor for the Ala Alba line of Action Figures.

 **Background:** Once a normal student of Mhora Academy, (that is to say, slightly nuts), her life unknowingly took a turn for the magical when Negi Springfield became her class's homeroom teacher. (it was already strange). at first, her interaction with him was strictly limited to encouraging Nodoka to admit her feelings for him. However, she managed to divine the existence of magic during the Mahorafest Budokai, and the world was doomed.

During the Mahorafest Incident, she primarily played a support role, creating rudimentary constructs for their needs, blocking time bullets and helping Ku Fei block 3 Chachamaru mass production units to buy Negi time to reach his objective (Personal Note: still eternally grateful on behalf of the multiverse al she got was the sketchbook and not something more creative).

After Mahorafest, she developed her skills with her Artifact, creating more magically powerful and sophisticated constructs capable of flight, thought response, and even energy beam attacks. It is significant to note that, upon being separated from Ala Alba during the Gateport incident, she actually managed to prosper alone, having earned enough money to both buy a used airship and outfit it with black market weapons.

In the end, she, like the rest of Ala Alba, was instrumental in the defeat of Kosmo Entelekhia. Things, however, did not settle down. She, like the rest of Ala Alba, was drawn into the incident known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case. It was during this that she first floated the idea for the United Magical Girls Association. After the attack of Lee Syaoran, Green Lantern (2814.1) approached her about the idea and with the assistance of Sailor Mercury, Chisame, and Kuro and Ilya von Einzbern-Emiya, they managed to begin the organization. It had its initial run during the so-called 'Power Rangers' Incident and was considered a success.

She, Nodoka, Yue, and the cute mute classmate Cassandra (see note: Agent: "Spoiler") faced off against the knight Vita during the Wolkenritter's attack on Mahora, and prevented her from taking Evangeline's Linker Core. She was also one of those who responded during the Invader mass-activation incident at the end of the 5th Holy Grail War in Fuyuki city.

She gleefully considers the Justice League to be juniors to 'her' organization.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Haruna is a trained librarian, and thus skilled in rappelling, unarmed combat, small arms combat, whips, the Dewey Decimal System, library and wilderness survival, spelunking, book repair, finding the smutty books intentionally misplaced in the shelves by students trying to keep them all to themselves, locking, and trap identification and disbarment, among other skills. She also has an understanding of the magical black market, and knows how to acquire things from it.

Her Artifact, the Imperium Graphices, allows her to create anything she can draw. These can range from simple golem caricatures doodles to highly advanced human-sized mobile suits with flight, energy beam, and rocket punch capability. Coupled with her devious imagination, it is both a highly versatile tool and a dangerously effective weapon. She is an asset to Ala Alba, however, for her organizational skills, information processing, tactical planning and motivational abilities. While not exactly a leader, she can bring together any sort of group that is needed for any situation, though she lacks the ability to lead it effectively.

* * *

**From the files of Akagi Ritsuko, Sailor Pluto, Senshi of Time, Second Guardian of the Gates of Time:**

**Full Name:** Saotome Haruna.

 **Known Aliases:** Paru, aka Pal, aka Paru-sama, aka The Woman who made that horrible Crimson Chin/Superman Yaoi doujinshi.

 **Alignment:** Chaotic Good when sex and/or world domination dreams aren't involved. Chaotic Evil the other 85% of the time.

 **Religion:** Sold her soul to Yaoi.

 **Sexuality:** Rampaging bisexual, although she's still a virgin.

 **(Biological) Family:** Saotome Nabiki (Mother), Saotome Ranma (Father), Saotome Genma (Paternal Grandfather), Saotome Nodoka (Paternal Grandmother, deceased), Tendo Soun (Maternal Grandfather, deceased), Tendo Kimiko (Maternal Grandmother, deceased), Tendo Kasumi (Maternal Aunt), Tendo Akane (Maternal Aunt).

 **Affiliations:** Konoe Konoka, Miyazaki Nodoka and Ayase Yue (fellows in the Mahora Library Exploration Club), Amano Hikaru, Fujiyoshi Harumi, Tamura Hiyori and Patricia 'Patty' Martin (fellows in the Mahora Manga Club), Yuuki Rito (first boyfriend).

 **Background:** Sixteen years ago, young martial artist Saotome Ranma was engaged in marriage to one Tendo Nabiki, daughter and unwilling heiress to a family of martial arts experts united by strong links of friendship to the Saotome lineage. (Interestingly, the first marriage choice was the Tendos' youngest daughter Akane, but a strange incident involving one Hibiki Ryouga, the Yakuza, the Hotel Moscow Russian Mafia organization, Donny Osmond, the Tendos' young disciple Bruce Wayne, and the Men In Black-see also: list of MIB related incidents and the Tomobiki area changed all that). After earning many enemies, rivals and allies, Ranma and the cold, selfish Nabiki grew closer slowly, their relationship becoming consummated during a major incident near the Pararakelse Islands and involving Prince Touma of Touma Island and the mysterious modern-age pirate known only as Madame Lao.

One hurried nearly disastrous wedding and nine months later, Saotome Haruna was born. Initially disappointed since he had expected for a male heir, Ranma set up to train Haruna at martial arts since a very young age. However, Nabiki insisted on her daughter following a much more formal and academic education instead. As a result, Haruna received incomplete but still efficient training at Kempo and other styles of fighting, although her lazy, inconsistent nature has made her to lag behind in her practice of the arts. As she stands now, she is better at it than Yukihiro Ayaka is at her own fighting style, but still far below the likes of Ku Fei and Nagase Kaede. Haruna dislikes having her martial prowesses known, and keeps them a secret from everyone save Nodoka, Yue and Harumi.

After getting a scholarship at Mahora Academy from her 'aunt' Kuno Kodachi, Haruna met Fujiyoshi Harumi, who took her under her wing as her kouhai in the Mahora Manga Club. Haruna quickly learned of her natural inclinaton for graphic arts, and began developing a strong affinity for erotic drawing. At the same time, stimulated by her mother, she became an avid reader as well. After meeting the young Miyazaki Nodoka and Ayase Yue, she became their mentor/guide figure, swearing to help them as Fujiyoshi had previously done with her. Results have been mixed, although both introverted girls seem to have made meaningful social progress since then.

Currently, Haruna is a student at Class 3-A under Negi Springfield's tutelage. Her eccentric goals include earning herself a harem of sorts, including her club mates, Negi himself, and her sempai and first boyfriend, Yuuki Rito (profile already covered). With the incoming class trip of Kyoto right around the corner and everything that implies, she needs to be watched over carefully…

SCM's A/N: Star Reverie was created by AngryDesu and used with permission. According to google translate "Wano Nanoko" is a pun on "Not really a girl".

2814!Asuna's relationship to Arika? Well…

OM's A/N: Madame Lao is a wink homage to the Ranma ½ works of Jim Bader. Hey, they were some of the first fanfics I ever read!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OM, signing off.

 **Next Chapter:** Negi and the girls visit the Resort domains of Evangeline and start undergoing her Training from Hell just as the other Evangeline's situation worsens! Plus, two new Sailor Senshi are revealed, and Itoshiki gets a Pactio Partner! And yes, the trip to Kyoto is finally upon us, as well! Don't miss it!

 


	34. Lesson 29: Training with Eva

SCM's A/N: So long… so much writing… so much to edit…

And then there was chapter 334's SURPRISE TWEEST! This is going to be hell for 2814…

OverMaster's A/N: Wow. This chapter really took a lot longer to finish than expected. And we still had to split it in two. I promise we'll actually be getting to Kyoto soon…

Also, SURPRISE TWEEST fits very well into my plans for Unequally! WHOO-HOOOO! Um, I mean, sorry about your inconveniences, Shadow…

….

Unequally Rational and Emotional

by OverMaster

Lesson 29: "Training with Eva-chan" or "We REALLY Wish This Was In Manga Form"

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Ah my Goddess!_ and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing, massive amounts of the sneezing joke, and slight amounts of cake.

….

_Dan da da dandan da dan!_

**_Previously, on Unequally Rational and Emotional:_ **

Kuro: And so ends the madcap fun that was the Negis double marriage!

Negi and Negi: W-WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!

Kuro: but things are not what they seem! One of their blushing brides has been replaced by an impostor! Now, it's a race against time to find out who is the fake bride before the plane for their honeymoon leaves!

Meanwhile, Itoshiki-sensei is also on the trail of the impostor, who he learns is a spy for a certain northern country! This information came at great personal risk, and required that someone examine his butthole, which not even his parents have seen, though his sister did stick her finger in it once when they were kids. So when they told him, "Sure, just show us your butthole," he was thinking of his hot Zetsurin sister the whole time!

Itoshiki: I was not! This isn't Decadent Habits!

OM: _Yet…_

Itoshiki: That sounds ominous…

Kuro: meanwhile, Chisame and Calculator, heartbroken about not being the bride, go drinking! They drink too much, and nearly get _their_ butthole examined by extras imported from Negimaru!

Chisame & Calculator: Say what now?

Kuro: Suddenly, from out of the night, heroic Magical Girl Stalker Matoi-chan appears! With her trusty bat Excalibolg and her deadly Matoi beam, she's sure to pluck the apples she needs! Rescuing Chisame and Calculator, she gallantly takes them to a love hotel to get cleaned up, but suddenly things develop and she finds herself pressed between two flowers!

Matoi: Ah! Chisame-sama and other Chisame-sama!

Chisame: okay, now this is just bullshit.

Kuro: find out what happens next on… UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL!

Calculator: KILL HER!

….

** Act Zero Point Five: **

_Very early that morning, in Negi, Chisame and Hakase's Room:_

"So, how long are we going to stay at this 'resort' you speak of?" Chisame asked.

"Looks like the Evas have agreed on three hours," Twilight replied while pulling a shirt on, fresh from the shower. "Long enough to test your Negi and you, but not long enough so anyone will get suspicious about your absence."

"Here's a list of things you'll need to bring over," Haruna began reading from a long, long roll of paper. "Bandages, a first aids kit just in case Konoka is busy elsewhere with someone else, sun blocker, swimsuits, mosquito repellent, rope, thick boots, your laptop, as much lunch as you can pack in, a portable TV, blankets, at least three futons– "

"What?-!" Chisame cried. "Give me a break! Are we going to spend three hours or three days there?-!"

Twilight and Deathnote looked at each other and shared a knowing smile.

Chisame scowled. "What are you up to?"

Calculator put a hand on her right shoulder. "For once, just do what they're telling you to, okay…?"

….

** Act One: **

"Ehhh? McDowell-san is ill?" Negi gasped aloud as he walked behind the disguised Twilight Red and Calculator, closely followed in turn by Chisame, Hakase, Asuna, Misa, Sakurako and Matoi. There was a Chamo perched on each one of his shoulders.

"Yeah, with her powers unsealed, she shouldn't be able to get sick, unlike our Eva, right?" Chisame asked with a frown.

"I don't know!" the Ala Alba field leader tossed up her hands. "Maybe her curse's kicking back in, or something. Negi and Konoka are watching over her, but your Eva said that didn't matter, and she'd personally oversee your training."

Everyone had a sudden feeling of hideous dread.

Kagurazaka pointed at some bushes near the narrow forest path they had taken. "By the way, is that Fuuka and Fumika over there?"

Misa looked over intently. "Ah. Yes, they are."

Kagurazaka scowled. "I thought so. Are they doing what I _think_ they're…?"

"Are they fighting?" Negi blinked, trying to look as well. "Sisters shouldn't fight each other, much less like that! They're even ripping their clothes off! I'll go stop them!"

"TH-THEY CAN SORT THAT OUT THEMSELVES!" Chisame grabbed him by an arm, keeping him on the road.

Albert's tiny nose twitched. "Sorry, I just remembered I gotta go do what ermines usually do in the woods…" he jumped off Negi's shoulder and quickly hopped in the twins' direction.

"And I just remembered we ermines are always traveling in packs, so—" Chamo began, but Asuna grabbed him by the tail before he could go join his counterpart.

"Hell, no! You're in this with us, like it or not!" she spat fire.

Twilight was twitching. "I thought Kuro was the only one into that… CRAP, I'm never going to get that out of my head…"

Chamo sobbed loudly and pitifully before realizing being at the resort actually allowed him for chances to spy at actually developed girls bathing and changing believing themselves apart from prying eyes, which calmed him back down.

And he wouldn't even have to share the sights with that nosy doppelganger!

"I wonder what kind of place is that resort…?" Sakurako asked innocently.

"Not to mention how can it fit as a small place as that toy cabin," Misa grumbled. "I'll bet it's just a few rooms in the back…"

"Yeah, and why did we have to bring so many things for only three hours there?" Asuna complained, even though her natural brute strength allowed her to carry her huge backpack rather easily.

"You'll see," Kagurazaka's lips curved into a mischievous smirk. Asuna didn't like that smirk at all. She knew, better than anyone, it was the kind of smirk she did when she was about to see others in enjoyable (to witness) tight spots.

"Be honest. What's the trick?" she asked her older self.

Twilight Red waved a finger. "It's one of those things that have to be experienced," she teased mercilessly. "For now, use your imaginations."

A giant thought balloon appeared over Chisame's head, holding a fire and brimstone hell, with two cackling Evangelines holding tridents on top of it. She cringed.

Misa's thought balloon held an S&M torture chamber with two Evas clad in skimpy black leather and holding whips waiting for them. She began to lick her lower lip…

Asuna's thought balloon only had a 'WORK IN PROGRESS' sign hanging on it. "Damn slow Baka mind…" she muttered.

Soon, they reached the cottage's entrance. Misora, Cocone, the local Chachamaru, Takane, Mei, Itoshiki and Ai were waiting for them there.

"Wow, the gang's all here," Chisame said dryly.

"Kuro is in the resort with Negi-sensei," Karakuri informed them. "She is lending her assistance tending to the master."

Asuna raised an eyebrow. "You sure she's not molesting her?"

The gynoid seemed to take the question at face value. "Quite sure. Despite her appearance and tendencies towards molestation, as well as other rather decadent habits, Kuro-san is quite trustworthy and a tremendous asset. She is a living repository of magical information, and is quite possibly the best expert on vampires Ala Alba knows outside of the master herself."

Everyone blinked. "Kuro-san? THAT Kuro-san?" Sakurako exclaimed. "The one who seems to be able to outdo Misa in lewdness?"

Misa wasn't sure what to feel about that statement. Outdo _her?_

Karakuri nodded. "Kuro-san, for all her eccentricities, is very a capable individual. I'm sure she can do much to help the master."

….

"I can't help you," Kuro said, frowning as she looked down at Evangeline, who lay bundled on the bed in the resort, mouth apparently singing on its own. "Damn it, Negi, I'm an Archer, not a mortician!"

Evangeline glared at her. For all the fact her mouth did its own thing without her consent, she could still make it do what she wanted. "– _akes them an–_ Watch it, brat," she said warningly. There was nothing physically wrong with her, but Konoka had ordered her to stay in bed until they'd worked this out. The closest thing they'd ever come to spontaneous singing like this was with the Music Meister, and Eva had been sufficiently concerned for her dignity she agreed to stay in bed, lest she also have to deal with spontaneous dancing. "I'm not quite dead yet! _–ew! Shining brightly in the night sky…_ "

"Classically, vampires are, by definition, dead," Kuro snapped. "Or damn well near enough as makes no difference. It would save me a LOT of trouble if you'll just tell me what kind of vampire you really are!"

"– _aiting for_ their _souls–_ I told you, I'm a Shinso!" Evangeline snapped. " _Who will be born–?_ "

"And _I'm_ telling _you_ , that's BLEEP-in' impossible!" Kuro retorted, so aggravated she'd lapsed into her Uzumaki Harry store of curse words. "TRUE Shinso are born, not made! At best, you might be some kind of Dead Apostle, and you're too young and sane for that. I suppose you COULD be some kind of air spirit Ayakashi…"

" _Pale moon, pale moon…–_ You are dangerously trying my patience, girl," Evangeline snapped. "Why is it so hard to believe? I started out as a normal vampire, but grew older and became a Shinso in my late two hundreds. _Cleanses the sin–_ "

"Empty Night," Kuro muttered, rubbing her eyes in aggravation. " _IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!_ Even by your story, you'd at best be a Noble-Class Dead Apostle, like old man Zelretch and that big spider thing in South America. Shinso are a kind of elemental nature spirit. Now, if you were an air-spirit, I'd understand, but you obviously aren't. For one thing, you don't stretch. For another, you used to be human, by your own admission. You being a Shinso is IMPOSSIBLE!"

"… _In the night sky–_ My dream called me a Shinso," Evangeline said sullenly. " _Waiting for_ their _souls…_ "

Kuro rolled her eyes. "Oh, your _dream_ did, did it? The same one that's driving you nuts and making act like an extra from 'Once More, with Feeling'?"

Evangeline growled at her, the effort musical due to her singing.

Kuro sighed, and turned to Yue, who was studiously trying to be unobtrusive while researching through her Artifact. "Anything?" the homunculus asked.

Yue frowned. "Not much," she said. "My book wasn't loaded with a lot of relevant information on vampires. What little I have right now is from when Syaoran asked for help clearing that vampire nest a few months ago, and those were the wrong kind of vampire. Those were Outsider-strained zoomorphs, and Eva-sama is obviously not one of those."

"Why don't you update it?" Konoka asked, helping Setsuna set up a game system for Evangeline.

Yue shook her head. "It updates from the Mahonet. If it updated, all the information would be from _this_ world, which wouldn't be of much use."

Kuro sighed. "Stupid useless magister crap," she muttered "What about you, Miyazaki?"

Nodoka just sat stiffly, face completely red, a thin stream of blood trickling down from both nostrils, eyes glazed. "Um… ah… that is…"

Kuro frowned, walking towards her, but Nodoka "eeped", slamming the diary shut. "Miyazaki?" Kuro asked.

Nodoka held the book shut with both hands, as if afraid it would fly open if she didn't. "N-nothing!" she cried. "Eva-sama has n-no subconscious knowledge of what's going on! B-besides her own thoughts–" here the blush intensified. Evangeline chuckled evilly, giving the verse of song she was singing a disturbing halting quality. "– all I'm picking up is the song and fragments of 'Kyoto'."

Setsuna frowned. "What _is_ that song, anyway?"

Evangeline raised an eyebrow, and shrugged. "Well, don't suppose you'd know anything about it," she said. "It's a vampire thing. We don't have a lot to do with each other– predators don't like sharing– but some things _do_ have a way of getting around. We call it 'The Moon Song'. When a vampire is first turned or, depending on the species, truly becomes a vampire, they hear the song. For some, it is when they first come to consciousness within their grave, the opening aria of their new existence; for others, it is with the first taste of blood, their first kill, irrevocably changing them into a creature of the night. Not all hear it, though. Outsider-strained don't, and neither those changed by certain mage-craft, specifically those which base their shift on 'vampire' bats and mosquitoes. Space vampires don't hear it too, though they're rare."

Kuro blinked. "Space vampires?" she repeated, incredulously. That was a new one on her. "You mean the 'White Martian' Imperium, right?"

"Nope," Evangeline said, accepting a cup of tea from Chachamaru. Surprisingly, her singing stopped completely as she sipped. " _Real_ space vampires. Apparently, they hang around in inter-stellar space, the dark sides of moons, in asteroid fields, those sorts of places. Can survive in hard vacuum, re-entry heat if they're hitching rides with ships or falling objects, vulnerable to intense levels of solar radiation, decapitation, and incineration, which makes one wonder how they survive re-entry. Takamachi told me about them. Apparently, there's a Green Lantern who specializes in hunting them down. I've heard stories that sound like one or two falling to earth, but I've never met one myself."

"But what does the song mean?" Yue asked, ever the philosopher.

Evangeline's shrug showed how little she cared. "Who knows? Some think it means the moon made vampires, and all the stuff about cleansing the sinful and making them anew is about the change. Honestly, I don't care. I just want it to stop coming out of my mouth."

"Well, I guess we can reasonably suppose _you're_ not a space vampire," Kuro said dryly. She rubbed her temples. "All right, I've used up all of my hardliner quota for the day. We're obviously dealing with some kind of magical loophole exploitation, the same kind that lets Onii-chan Trace and Sakura to use different schools of magic. _If_ you're a Shinso now, and you weren't before, then we need to identify the reason for the shift. And to do that, I need to pin down what sort of vampire you _used_ to be. It's a place to start, at least. I still think you might just be a Noble-Class Dead Apostle. The powers are reasonably similar."

She picked up a notebook and pen, moving to sit on a chair next to Evangeline's bed. "So," she said, settling down. "Talk to me."

Evangeline frowned, she turned to Ala Alba, making a dismissive gesture. The group began to leave the room, Negi reluctantly, until Konoka reminded him of his promise to help train the other Negi. When they'd gone, Evangeline leveled a glare at Kuro. "Nothing leaves this room," she growled ominously, her eyes turning gold, nails lengthening threateningly.

"Yes, yes, standard Eva threat," Kuro said. "I hang out with Gilgamesh, I know the drill. Talk."

Evangeline glared harder, but reluctantly began to speak…

….

**Interlude: Takahata.**

Morisato Keiichi stood stiffly as he greeted the much taller man before him. "G-Good morning, Takahata-sensei! I'm Morisato Keiichi, the co-driver for the trip! Sorry for disturbing you so early, but I have a few questions about the itinerary."

"Ah, good morning, Morisato-kun!" the gentleman with glasses smiled in a sincere but somewhat empty fashion. "It isn't a bother; we're here to help each other, after all. Come in, I was preparing breakfast. I always eat alone, but I tend to cook more than I can eat, so it should be okay…"

Keiichi thanked and nodded, following him into the apartment. For a young man who had been living in a college frat dorm for the last few years, it was a shock to walk into an _ordered, clean and neat_ male habitat. No clutter everywhere. No nudie mags anywhere… in sight, anyway. No smelly socks hanging on the furiture, or half-eaten pizza on the table. For a moment, he considered making a 'Would you marry me?' joke, but maybe it was better not to ask that to someone Sora had told him was nicknamed 'Death Specs'.

Still, for someone with such a nickname, he seemed to be very agreeable and polite without being stuffy or distant. Even so, some slight melancholy could be felt under his affability. Keiichi recognized it because he had been living with the same thing for years, as well.

"My own special ramen recipe," Takamichi said as he served him a steaming bowl. "You haven't eaten yet, have you, Morisato-kun?"

"No, sir. Thank you. Itadaikimattsu!" He began to eat, only to pause immediately, his face red. His mouth flew fully open, and a small flame escaped it.

"Well, just look at that!" Takahata blinked. "Sorry, Morisato-kun. I like spicy foods, so I think I go overboard when I cook for myself. I didn't think it was _that_ bad…"

Keiichi fanned his scorched tongue with a hand. "N… Nah, it's fine. I'm used to eat three days old leftovers from my sempais. The spice… just took me by surprise, that's all."

The teacher nodded, sipping his own ramen without making any slurping sound. "Glad to see you've become stronger."

"Huh?" the boy blinked.

"Don't remember me from back then? Your father taught me how to drive, when you were a child and your sister was just born. How's your family doing?"

"Oh, my parents will never change, and Megumi has just started college…" Keiichi still regarded him with mild shock. "Dad taught you how to drive? Really? He's… brilliant behind the wheel, but… generally not well liked as a driving teacher. The only reason why I didn't escape his coaching was because I'd have had to escape home as well…"

"Oh, a good teacher must be challenging!" Takahata laughed a bit goofily, his attitude apologetic. Keiichi wondered if he wasn't just messing with him. "His ways were slightly eccentric at times, but believe me, I've seen much worse. And he's, bar none, the best automobile driver I've ever met."

Well, other than Leigharch-san, but that was best left unmentioned.

"So that's why you decided to hire me?" Morisato began to understand.

"Well, I won't deny I tossed your name around in the meetings. Your father would have been too much for our young students, but from what I've heard of you, you're well suited for this kind of job. Hasegawa-san recommended you, as well."

"Sora?" he asked, rather unnecessarily.

Takamichi nodded, rather unnecessarily as well. A 'Well, it sure as hell wasn't Chisame' was probably well deserved, but Takahata was a better man than you and me.

"Do you want more ramen, Morisato-kun?"

Then again, maybe not.

….

** Auntie Eva's Cabin. **

"Why a basement in a log cabin?" Asuna asked as Chachamaru led them down the stairs. "Also, why bring us here at all? I thought we were going to a resort."

"Patience, patience," Kagurazaka asked. "You'll learn soon enough."

As they walked into the badly lit basement, they all saw the walls were literally covered with hanging dolls and puppets of all kinds, giving the place a downright eerie look. Misora made a sour face, clutching to Negi's arm, as Sakurako put a finger on her mouth, looking up at a scarred redhaired 'Good Boy' doll hanging next to a blonde female doll in a white dress.

"Most of them are cute, but these ones are very ugly," the cheerleader said. "Why'd Eva keep them around?"

"Please don't touch them," Chachamaru requested. "They are… under magical containment right now."

"Ah?" Negi asked. "Are they placed under some sort of seal?"

"Yes," the gynoid nodded only once. "Same for these." She pointed at a set consisting of a sinister looking six armed toy gunman, a Jester, a really hideous little man with a drill head, and a pale faced, hook-handed tiny man clad in black.

Mei shuddered, and Chisame, Takane and Misa put on faces of disgust as they followed the robot along the others. Ai breathed in and out quickly, sticking to an apathetic-looking Nozomu's side. "I'm sorry if I'm too close for comfort…" she whispered. "Sorry for being such a coward…"

"I don't mind," he said, making nothing out of it for once.

Sitting on a shelf, a cowboy, a cowgirl, a spaceman, a green T-Rex and two Potato Head dolls were playing poker, waving at Chachamaru as she passed by. "Good morning, Chachamaru!" they all said at once.

"Good morning," she nodded politely in their collective direction, but never stopped walking.

The group accompanying her, even Hakase and Kagurazaka, stared at the toys with wide eyed shock for only a moment before hurrying back behind the gynoid.

"I didn't see anything," Chisame told herself.

"I didn't hear anything," Misa added.

"Could I borrow a few ones to experiment on?" Hakase asked hopefully.

"Sorry, but no," Chachamaru denied it. "They are good."

Finally, she guided them into another, much smaller room, empty save for a stand at the middle of it. There was a large transparent sphere placed on top of it, which seemed to hold a miniature summer resort.

"What a cute playset, but why did you bring us here to see it?" Misa grumped.

"Yeah, we didn't come here to see any maquettes." Asuna's patience was wearing thin.

"It's like a ship in a bottle…" Sakurako tapped with a finger on the glass. "Look, it even has a corked mouth and everything…!"

"And it even has a miniature Negi standing in there!" Misora pointed down. "It looks so lifelike…!"

"Misora, it's waving up at us…" Cocone observed.

"It is!" Kasuga yelped in realization. "The devil's handwork!"

"Oh, for the love of—!" Calculator sighed, moving to stand on a rune covered circle drawn on the floor in front of the stand. "Just watch this, you fools! Monkey see, monkey do, okay? Sheesh, I'm supposed to be the normal one around here…!"

She stomped a foot down twice, and suddenly a bright light flashed from the circle, engulfing her before she vanished from sight.

"Oh, I think I get it!" Negi said in realization.

"You do? Then explain it!" Misa cringed.

"No way," Chisame adjusted her glasses, leaning down to look into the sphere. There was a nearly microscopic Chisame standing next to the miniature Negi inside. "Don't tell me this thing shrinks people?-!"

"Very well. I won't," Chachamaru crossed her hands over her lap.

"Fascinating," Hakase breathed out. "May I ask if this is somehow related to Doctor Henry Pym's recent investigations with miniaturizing particles?"

"… Doctor who?" Sakurako asked.

Chisame opened her mouth to comment on that, then closed it and shook her head. "No. Too easy a punchline…"

"This is a transport circle," Kagurazaka pointed a hand at the rune covered circle on the floor. "Step into it, and you'll be instantly transported inside the resort."

Misora stared at it with blunt concern. "You sure it doesn't have any secondary ill effects?"

"How does that even work?" Satomi asked. "It would mean your physical matter is significantly compressed down, but shouldn't it make your body a lot denser and thus impossibly difficult to move around?"

Kagurazaka rolled her eyes. "Oh, why do you have to make a big deal about everything. It's magic, plain and simple. Here, see?" She stepped into it and disappeared.

Hakase hmphed, pushing up her glasses. "That won't do! It's just an excuse, but it doesn't actually explain the reasons behind the phenomenon!"

"I'll go first," Itoshiki stepped in, silently praying for an accident to disperse all his atoms apart in mid-transport, or make him appear inside solid rock. As expected, he disappeared on the spot.

"Oh, it looks cool!" Sakurako pulled Satomi in along herself.

Mei gulped aloud. Seeing her discomfort, Takane grabbed her hand. "Don't be afraid," she said softly. "I'll be there with you." And with that, she calmly guided her into the circle with herself, vanishing together.

Asuna waved the pastel bubbles left behind by them, floating all around. "Is it me, or they have something going on?"

"Well, they are Pactio partners, from what I've heard," Misora said. "Wh-Who's next?"

Negi breathed in, giving a step ahead. "If it's for everyone's sake, I'll do it!"

Then he paused, noticing the reluctance on Misa and Chisame's face, and he smiled, extending his hands for them. "Let's trust Eva-san, okay?"

"The same Eva who tried to suck your blood out, you mean?" Chisame asked, nonetheless grabbing his right hand. Misa did the same with his left one.

Negi laughed and stepped into the light with them. Matoi immediately rushed in after them.

Asuna sighed. "Well, since everyone's doing it…" she shrugged, and got herself into the circle as well. Then Chachamaru gestured for Ai, Cocone and Misora to go in too. "If you please…"

"O-Oh! Does that mean I'm welcome there after all? S-Sorry for making you wait, then!" Ai's teeth chattered, and she all but jumped into the circle. "I only hope I'm not dirtying your pretty circle with my dirty feet, since I'm so—" she disappeared in mid sentence.

Misora still seemed nailed to the floor, however.

"Please, Misora," Cocone requested softly, tugging on her right hand with her small one.

Kasuga looked down at her, trying to argue, but she finally relented with a nod. "Okay, okay, you win…"

They walked in together, Misora giving a short yelp and hugging Cocone as the light swallowed them. Chachamaru could have sworn she saw a brief tiny smile on the child's face as that happened.

Then the robot closed the small room's door behind herself, and entered the resort as well.

….

When Misora finally dared open her eyes again, she found herself standing with Cocone in the center of a gigantic circular platform with a much larger pentagram design on it. Across a long, thin bridge made of solid stone, there was another, even bigger platform, which held the tower-like, luxurious, majestic summer resort and all its surroundings. A clear blue sky stretched above them, and a dry, hot breeze blew all through the place.

"… Well, if we died, at least we got a pretty afterlife," she conceded.

Cocone only nodded, relaxing fondly into her embrace. Moments after, Misora realized she still was hugging her, and let her go with a blush. Cocone seemed sad about it for only a split second…

"Yoooo, Misora-chaaaaaan…!" Sakurako's distant voice called from the larger platform, the form of the cheerleader tiny in the distance, waving at them. "Come hereeeeee, it's greaaaaaat!"

Misora's forehead pumped veins up. "You've gotta be kidding me…"

Cocone grabbed her right hand and began guiding her for the bridge. "If they could make it there, so can we…"

"What? Hey, no! This bridge doesn't have any handrails, and it's a huge way down there!" Kasuga protested, looking down at the seemingly bottomless abyss below. "If we fall, we're dead meat for sure! I don't want to go!"

"Misora, please, you're making a scene…" Cocone pleaded softly. "Do it for Negi-sensei… and me…"

The older sister in training grimaced for a few moments before reaching up for her Pactio card. "You're going to get me killed one of these days, you know that? _Adeat_."

Once she was in full Pactio regalia, she scooped Cocone up in her arms, bridal style. The small girl almost blushed as she was held firmly against her sempai's warm body. "I have to do this before I change my mind, and that'll be very soon, so…" Misora drew in a deep breath and then raced the whole bridge's distance in a blink.

The next thing Cocone knew, she was softly placed down at Negi's feet. Misora wheezed in and out as she supported herself on an annoyed Chisame. "Man, I thought I'd die there…!"

Itoshiki stood at the platform's edge, looking down calmly. "All it'd take is a little jump…" But he cringed and backed away. "N-No, not this way!"

Matoi stared at him. "You know, I'm growing convinced you don't _really_ want to die. You never do anything that would get yourself actually killed, so I wouldn't be shocked if you did all that just for some attention…"

He glared back at her. "N-Nonsense! Of course I want to die! But I wish for a proper burial, and that couldn't happen if my body is lost at the bottom of a miniature abyss!"

"Whatever you say," she shrugged indifferently.

Haruna was swimming laps across a huge, nearby pool, clad in nothing but a skimpy white bikini. "Hey, took you guys long enough!" she said, swimming to the pool's edge and climbing up in glorious slow motion, waving her wet hair aside and making her large breasts bounce, glistening with water droplets. Itoshiki quickly looked aside, and Negi seemed uncomfortable. "Everyone's inside; Yue's looking through her book for something that can help, and Nodoka must be checking if there are any hidden clues in Eva's mind even she isn't aware of."

"Exactly what's wrong with McDowell-san?" the young Negi asked, deeply concerned.

"Beats me," Haruna said. "Apparently she hasn't stopped singing nonsense since last night, and can't help herself. We haven't run into any supervillains recently, so it can't be the Music Meister."

"Could that be contagious?" Chisame asked. "At the very least, if it's some sort of vampire disease, our Evangeline could catch it as well, right?"

"I assure you I am perfectly fine!" Evangeline barked, walking out of the small domed building before them, wearing only a white one-piece swimsuit. "I know, unbound powers or not, I'm far more resistant and adaptable than her," she boasted with a smug smile.

"You seemed worried about her well-being earlier today, though…" Chachamaru whispered as respectfully as she could.

"LIKE HELL! WHATEVER EVER GAVE YOU THAT IMPRESSION?-!"

"You were sitting at her side holding her hand until Springfield-sensei and Konoe-san arrived…" the gynoid remembered.

"I didn't want a dead look-alike on my premises, that's all! It would be highly inconvenient and annoying!" Evangeline growled. Then she hmphed, swinging up her nose. "It's not l-like I like her or anything! I didn't do it for her! Never mind about that. Your training is everything that should concern you. Chachamaru will show you your rooms. Leave your belongings there and come back here. I will instruct you on what to do next," she mumbled reluctantly.

"Will there be enough time for all that?" Takane asked. "We are only going to stay here for three hours!"

Evangeline shook a finger. "Three hours here… are three days' worth of time in the outside world."

The faces of everyone in the young Negi's party fell down.

"And now you know why we brought so much stuff," Kagurazaka chirped happily.

….

** Ayaka, Part One: **

As Ayaka entered Asakura Kazumi's dorm room for the first time in a long, long while, she noticed several things had changed since her last visit, admittedly years ago. The most striking thing was there were framed newspaper articles covering pretty much all the walls, ranging from old, yellow important world news to much, much newer headlines Kazumi had managed to snatch for the school newspaper. Either way, most of them were of the sensationalist, bombastic style.

Ayaka ran her fingers almost reverently over one of the oldest, and certainly the best framed, one out of them all. "Wow. A _Daily Planet_ original of _that_ day…"

_Mysterious Superman saves Experimental Space Shuttle- by Lois Lane._

_Strange Happenings in Antarctica- Huge Losses of Sea Life- Nearly Global Disaster Barely Averted, Scientists Say_

_Richards Space Mission yields Fantastic Results_

_Bat-Garbed Vigilante Seriously Injures Disfigured Maniac_

_Spider-Man: Hero or Menace?_

_Magneto Attacks US President in the White House Lawn_

_Great Seto Bridge Destroyed- Aliens Responsible?_

_World-Renown Writer Chizuto Masuto Recieves Nobel Prize_

_Omega-Level Mutant Senou Kaede Disappears, DEO Baffled_

Ayaka had always scoffed at those big, flashy news stories involving the mutants and the super powered criminals, the global conspiracies and the glory-hound Americans in tights. She didn't doubt the overall existence of all those awe-inspiring events, of course, but like many Japanese of a more or less traditional bent, she also was convinced they were over-hyped.

Honestly, a planet devouring alien god showing over Manhattan? Really? Don't they know those things happened in _Tokyo_?

But now she (thought she) knew about Negi-sensei's true nature, suddenly, nothing seemed too outrageous or impossible anymore.

"Dad called in some a few to get it for me. Cool, huh?" Asakura smirked, no doubt still fresh from the shower, in slippers, an apple green tube top, and very short jean shorts. Her bright red hair was unbound now, hanging loose and wet all over her shoulders. Ayaka honestly thought she looked better that way. "That guy who always hangs around Superman-sama, Jimmy Whatever, owes Dad a few favors," she boasted, grinning widely. She pulled the fridge open and tossed a Coke can at Ayaka. "Thirsty, Iincho?"

"Thanks, Asakura-san," the Class Rep caught the can in mid flight, not even blinking. "I see you are trying to relax after a hard day of work, so I'll be brief. What did you gather?"

Kazumi pulled a chair, sitting before her and producing a manila folder, pulling several photos out of it. "Well, Negi-sensei's been very busy lately. Hanging with Chi-chan and the Prof as usual, and Sakurako since the Prof's involved, and Misa since Sakurako's involved. The weird thing is Madoka never joins them. Seems the poor girl's fallen under Suzumiya-sempai's influence…"

"Hmmmm," Ayaka pondered. Suzumiya. The one always looking for strange things like aliens and mages. Maybe she suspected something, and was trying to get closer to Negi through the cheerleaders? Dubious. Subtlety was never Suzumiya's style.

Kazumi held another picture up. "Kuga Natsuki-sempai. Sometimes follows Sensei from a distance, too. She's creepy enough to be a stalker, but her expression is never that of a woman in love. Trust me, I know those things. If anything, I think she's _watching_ him… but for what, I don't know. I got curious about her, too, so I did some research on her. Seems her mother was killed when she was a child; no wonder she's so troubled. Other than that, not much. It's damn hard to get data on her. All I know is the Student Council President has a strong interest in her. I pressured Tate-sempai, you know, the Council's errand boy, enough until he told me he believed President Fujino is in love with her, but that's all I got from him."

Ayaka nodded. She was on good terms with Fujino. The girl was blatantly in unrequited love with that violent biker outcast. What did such a nice girl see in a woman barely better than Asuna, she couldn't guess…

"Anyway, this happened yesterday," Kazumi showed her even more photos. " Sensei was seen around the shopping area, accompanied by several girls not from here."

Ayaka raised an eyebrow. "Who told you that?"

"He has fans everywhere, and you know it," Asakura chuckled. "I have many of them on my payroll. They give me tips on him in exchange for little favors… you know, one of my tests with his grading handwriting on it, stray locks of hair…"

The Class Rep scowled. "That's digusting!"

_Over at Yukihiro Manor, Siesta finished dusting off the Negi Shrine very carefully. Ojou-sama would kill her if a single one of Negi's hair locks was missing by her return…_

Kazumi pretended to buy Ayaka's token disgust. "Yeah. Anyway, these are the girls. Most of them as young as him or more. Doesn't this pink haired one kinda look like Haruna? And this blonde reminds me of Asuna when we were kids…"

Ayaka rubbed her chin thoughtfully. There _was_ a strong resemblance…

Kazumi scowled, pointing at a photo of a dark-skinned girl. "This one's worrying, although she seems to have no interest in Negi. But I swear I often felt like she knew they were being watched. She's very intense, almost like Mana…"

"What else?"

"Well, Tomoe Mami, you know, Professor Tomoe's niece, and her two friends stalked him for a while along Tsunetsuki, but that's pair for the course with Tsunetsuki."

Ayaka was familiar with the Tomoes as well. Or rather, her family was. She thought Mami-san was a very likable and responsible person, and they liked having tea together. A shame about her parents' accident. Her uncle was very kind as well, although he had drifted apart from the Yukihiros after marrying that awful Testarossa woman. And Mami-san's cousin… well, she always had been very sickly. You couldn't blame her for her lack of socialization.

"Iincho," Asakura spoke again.

"What?"

"You know I can smell a really big scoop under all of this, don't you? Why won't you tell me what **you** know?"

Ayaka frowned. "If I knew more than you, I would have no need for your services, Asakura-san. And don't imply your insane conspiracy theories into this. Honestly, you're almost as bad as that girl from 1-A…"

Asakura frowned back. "Don't take me for a fool, please. Since he arrived, everything has changed for the weirder. Much weirder than usual here, and that's saying a lot. The monster from Sakura Lane. The love incident at the baths. Classroom 3-F being trashed. Heck, I even can see the ghost much more clearly now…"

"The ghost?"

"Remember it! I've told you about it before. That shadow I'm always seeing around my seat, moving around. I swear I can make more out of it now. I think it has the shape of a girl…"

She noticed Ayaka's curious stare.

"Right, sorry," the reporter waved her hands. "You're thinking I'm crazy again…"

Ayaka shook her head slowly. "No, no. Actually, I'm interested on it. Tell me more."

For once, it was Kazumi's turn to be sceptical, but finally, she relented. "Well, Dad always said my grandparents were very sensitive and knowledgeable about spirits," the redhead began. "I think they'd be regulars in the Don Kanonji show if they still were alive, because from what I remember, Grandpa was just that cool and laid back, and Grandma… well, maybe not Grandma. Anyway, since Negi-sensei began teaching us, I've started to notice—"

….

** Cohabitation. **

"Chisame-san, Hakase-san, Sakurako-san, Misa-san, this will be your room for the next three days," Chachamaru said, showing them a bedroom with two huge beds in it.

Chisame's brow began to twitch yet again. "No, wait. This doesn't quite add up…"

"We have two rooms with four beds each, but since we have guests of honor, they will be taking precedence. One of such rooms will be for Kagurazaka-san, Hasegawa-san, Sakurazaki-san and Konoe-san. The other one will be for Saotome-san, Miyazaki-san, Ayase-san and Kuro-san," the robot maid explained.

"Why do they have precedence over us?-!" Chisame demanded to know.

"They come from another dimension," said Chachamaru. "They are lost and alone, cut off from their families and friends, probably without a way back for the rest of—"

"Okay, I got it! Spare us the violins!" Chisame held up her hands.

Sakurako began to grin widely, and a bit creepily.

Misa looked at her out the corners of her eyes. "Oh, no. Like heck! I'm not sleeping with Chisame! I might get her acne problem!"

Chisame feigned a dry, mocking laugh. "Have I just heard you refusing to sleep with someone? The world must be about to end!"

"According to the logic of Ala Alba, it would be about due," Hakase commented.

Misa narrowed her eyes venomously. "Oh, don't worry about me! I'd have to be drunk to the eyeballs to even touch you while we're in bed!"

Chachamaru pointed at Chisame. "You'll sleep with Sakurako-san," and then at Misa," And you'll sleep with Hakase-san. Instructions directly from the Master."

"Ehhh?-!-?" the four girls chorused. "Why?-!-?"

"The Master said it was the best way to prevent any unwanted acts of debauchery in her bedrooms," the gynoid reported. "Something about you two having far too much 'unsolved tension'," she told the scientist and the fortunate cheerleader," And you two having 'far too much Foe Yay factor'," she told the hacker and the other cheerleader.

"What. The. Hell," Chisame sputtered.

"Since when is Eva interested in stopping debauchery anyway?" Misa questioned.

"Since she won't be able to sleep here," the maid informed truthfully.

"Ah," the others said, nodding in understanding.

"And… why can't we sleep the same way we always do, then?" Satomi asked. "Chisame with me, and Misa-san with Sakurako-san?"

"The Master said she didn't have any proof of 'nothing like that' happening with you behind closed doors in your daily routine, so she preferred to not take any risks…"

"I'M NOT GAY, DAMMIT!" Chisame roared.

_A universe away, Magical Girl Reaper-chan Fate Testarossa sneezed…_

Down the hall, Negi blinked as Ala Alba Karakuri was showing him, Erebus and Itoshiki their own bedroom. "Wasn't that Chisame-san's voice?"

Haruna, who had sneaked in with them, was too busy biting her lower lip and sucking on it noisily to pay him any attention. "Oooohhhh, and you've only two beds here…!"

Itoshiki grimaced. "… I'm going to sleep on the floor. Perhaps the hard surface will put my back out of alignment, twist my spine fatally and kill me…"

….

"… We aren't even getting the Chachamaru tour," Misora deadpanned as they followed one of Eva's doll maids into the room they had been assigned. "Instead, they stick us with the generic mindless puppets. Agh! It's like being secondary characters in a story!"

"You're overreacting," Cocone simply said, while the maid pointed at the two beds.

"Fatima Rosa-san and Kasuga-san, there," she gestured towards the first bed. "Kaga-san and Tsunetsuki-san, there," she signaled at the other bed.

"Thanks for your generous hospitality!" Ai bowed to the servant. "Are you sure I'm not much of an annoyance? I always could sleep outside! In all honesty, I won't even need blankets! Someone as lowly as me doesn't deserve them!"

"Drop it, Sempai!" Misora plopped down on bed, trying to block out her ears with a pillow on her head. Then her eyes shifted over to Matoi, who was placing an ear against a wall. "And what are **you** doing, anyway?"

Matoi smiled slightly, not paying her attention. "I'm in luck. Hers is the next room."

"Huh?" Misora gawked.

Whistling the _Rumba Rumba Rumba Rumba_ SZS opening theme, Matoi opened her handbag and pulled a small power drill out of it. She placed its end against the wall and, with surprising efficiency and practiced skill, quickly drilled a tiny peephole through it. Then she dragged a chair next to the hole, sat on it, and smiled as she placed an eye right on the diminutive opening. "Oh yes, she's undressing right now…"

Misora's face grew somewhat green. "Oh dear God, you'll be there all night long, won't you?"

_Jiiiiiii.._

Kasuga buried her face into the mattress. "And to think Asuna's got a room all of her own!"

"Technically, she's sharing it with Hasegawa-san's own maids…" Cocone intervened.

"But those two just sit at a corner and stay still!" Misora complained. "That's much better than this!"

"I think that Takane girl and her girlfriend will also stay there," Matoi commented from her peephole.

"I'm sorry if my presence bothers you that much, Kasuga-san!" Ai apologized.

Misora clenched her teeth. "It wouldn't if you just grew a spine!"

**_Asuna's Room_ **

The redhead sat staring at the expressionless Vita-type and Shamal-type.

There was a long silence.

"So, um…" Asuna finally started," What do you guys do all night long?"

"We remain in standby mode waiting for Hasegawa-sama's next command," Mint answered.

"Ah," Asuna said. "Well, uh… what you do when you get bored?"

"We technically cannot—"

"Okay! What do you do when your master gets bored, then?-!" Asuna snapped.

"The master never gets bored as long as she has her computer at her reach," the tall blonde replied flatly.

Asuna face-palmed. "Do you know poker, at the very least?"

"Affirmative. We have been programmed with several programs including data on—"

Asuna grinned, pulling a set of cards out of her luggage and shuffling it around quickly. "Then let's have a quick warm up game while everyone's unloading! Konoka-chan plucks me every time we play, and I could use the practice!"

Surely, she wouldn't have any problems with two stupid, unimaginative dolls…

A few minutes later, Misa opened the door from the outside. "Asuna, we're ready! We're going to meet with Eva for—" Her jaw fell open. "AHHH—?-!"

A naked Asuna sat before a fully dressed Mint and Chitose, tears flowing down her eyes as her hands held a few cards that were falling down one by one. All her clothes were in a bundle at the robots' feet. "Never… Never challenge these things to a strip poker match, you hear me?-!"

….

McDowell had barely finished telling her story to Kuro when Evangeline strode into the room, not bothering to knock.

"Well, I'm going to oversee the little pests' training," the sealed vampire snorted, fists on her hips. "You'd better be right about it being worth my time. By the way," she smirked, holding up a cellphone," You owe me another one. I contacted a few old acquaintances and asked them to look into your…" she chuckled," _unfortunate_ musical problem."

McDowell opened her mouth to snark back, but only a short passage of _—cleansing the—_ escaped her lips. She quickly closed the mouth back.

"What kind of acquaintances?" Kuro asked.

"Well, from what little she told me about your world," Evangeline pointed dismissively at her counterpart," our vampire clans and dynasties are much better organized than yours. They have to be, with organizations like the Hellsing Order on our collective cases."

Kuro hummed. "Actually, that's not true. It's got more to doe with the fact most of our vampires become self-destructive and psychotic after they get converted, so they tend to wipe themselves out if left unsupervised. There are vampire clans and dynasties in our world tend to be either small but ridiculously powerful or big, weak and more of a way to keep vamps from being noticeable in public. In our world, such organizations are more of a way to be put in the 'don't kil right away' lists of mages and hunters than an organizational structure."

The two stared at her.

"What? Repository of magic knowledge, remember?" Kuro said.

Evangeline sniffed. "In any instance, I just called one little bitch named Mina Tepes, who has a fair amount of power over the vampires of this region," Evangeline said. "She owes me a lot, as well. She's told me there were a few recent incidents with a shady group code-named Incognito, trying to control and create vampires through artificial means. Are you sure you haven't been contacted by anyone else since you arrived to this world?"

"Of course not, you idiot!" McDowell managed to yell. "You should know!"

"You have cellphone coverage in this sealed resort?" Kuro asked. She looked at her, for lack of a better term, patient. "Evangeline, why don't WE get cell reception in your resort?"

Eva shrugged, ignoring her counterpart's outburst, finding it more amusing than offensive. "My place, my magic, my rules, in every sense. And I try to keep control over the connections I used to have outside, even when holed up in this prison. I never was exactly beloved amongst the other vampires, but then again, we never like each other much anyway, do we? What matters is I'm feared and respected, even now. And Tepes knows how to honor her word. I told her to research more on possible incidents like this, just in case…"

McDowell hmphed.

"My pleasure," Eva stretched sensually, turning back for the door.

" _Pale—_ … I haven't said 'thanks'!" McDowell yelled again.

"It's nothing," Eva taunted, waving a hand while walking out, never looking back.

McDowell clenched her fangs, her eyes black and gold now.

Kuro allowed herself a smirk. "She must be a really good lay for you to put up with all that."

"You have no idea…" McDowell murmured, before blinking staring at Kuro. "Wait, how'd you know?"

Kuro rolled her eyes. "It's _me_ ," she said. "My incest-senses were tingling. Now, if only my own sister would be as accommodating…"

_Somewhere in another universe, Illya sneezed. "Kuro's still alive!" she immediately announced…_

….

** Interlude: Uranus and Neptune, Part One. **

_Gotham._

_Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane._

"Miss Isley."

But she was far too sedated to answer properly. They always sedated her heavily before any first therapy session with a new doctor, to prevent any incidents of violence, seduction, or both. Because of her unique biochemistry, it was extremely difficult to drug her, so they always had to dope her up to the gills.

"Pamela," the feminine voice repeated softly.

The red haired woman, sultry even in her gray prison clothes and lacking makeup, forced herself to lift her head up, trying to smile, even if only a half crooked smirk came out. "That's not my name," she managed to say.

The young woman smiled at her. Her hair was pink, and it was made up in quite a ridiculous style. "Very well, then. Ivy?"

"Better," Poison Ivy breathed in and out, raggedly. She could see green spots dancing before her eyes. "You're very young for a doctor."

"I started early, that's all," she said. "I'm Doctor Ceres. Botanist. I'm here to help Doctor Arkham study your... unique physical traits, trying to assimilate the results of my studies to his therapy."

"Ceres? Ceres," she tried to place the name. It should have been easy, but she was too drugged to think clearly. "Ceres Ceres, Ceres Ceres..."

The young doctor caressed her cheeks tenderly, always under the guards' watchful eyes. "I'm here to help you too, Pamela. Ivy. Trust me, you'll come out of here a much better woman..."

Down below in the basements of Arkham, sitting on a pile of beaten down unconscious guards, another young and bubbly woman, this one with blue hair and wearing a janitor's uniform, mumbled and pouted while struggling with the main fuse box, looking up and down at the complex system controlling the asylum's lights.

"Why does Palla Palla have to be the janitor?" she whined to no one in particular. "That's demeaning to Palla Palla! Everyone's sooooo mean to Palla Palla! And Palla Palla doesn't even know what to do with this..."

Fed up with it, she just slammed a glowing ball into the cables. There was a childish manic spark in her eyes now. "Let's make some pretty lights instead... and then all lights go out...!"

"What is your favorite planet?" Doctor Celes was whispering to Ivy. "Mars? Neptune? Saturn?"

The prisoner's mouth moved stiffly. "Wh-What does that have to—"

"Just asking. Ah, we never imagined you'd be here, so near Joker. Truly, the world is a very small place. Then again, as the old woman says, nothing happens by coincidence."

"What?" Poison Ivy managed to blink.

"Doctor Ceres?" one of the guards moved closer.

Ignoring him, the doctor giggled. "I'm just glad we managed to pinpoint you before _they_ did. Please, get ready. My little sister should be done right about—"

"Hey, what are you trying to—?" the guard huffed, grabbing her by a wrist...

... and then everything was plunged into darkness.

"Hey, what gives—!"

Doctor Ceres' voice gently hummed a circus melody.

And then something long and hard she pulled literally out of nowhere stabbed all the way through him. Vaguely, Ivy thought she could make it out a pool stick in the pitch black room.

The other guards were pulling their guns out now.

But with an impossibly fast single motion, someone threw a few glowing balls at their heads. They exploded before any bullet could be fired.

Doctor Ceres never stopped humming the happy circus tune.

Ivy blinked in a drunken stupor. "Doctor Ceres? Ceres? Ceres Ceres..." she repeated mechanically, trying to pin the name down again. It was so hard to think. Something about Greek mythology...?

"Close enough," the feminine voice whispered, only for her. "I prefer being called Cere Cere, if you please," she politely said.

Then a small but steely and cold hand tightened its fingers around Isley's throat, pushing her against a wall. "And it's time for you to wake up."

….

** Whatever you Say, Eva. **

Both groups stood in silent expectation as the local Evangeline paced before them back and forth, still wearing the same swimsuit. Her steps were measured and calculated, strangely sensual even if not blatantly so. Out the corners of her eyes, she spied the males' reactions. The ermine was gulping aloud as expected. Her boya was beginning to shift around in place discreetly, perhaps only due to natural childhood impatience, although she preferred to think otherwise. The older boya, on the other hand, seemed very collected and not really fazed at all, which made her scowl. Despair seemed too flushed to even look straight at her, which pleased her. Good to see the melodramatic hack could feel her touch too, despite his habitual claims of being unfeeling to everything.

She smirked, shifting her slim hips just a bit as she stopped right before him, addressing the small crowd as a whole. "Okay, everyone. Listen, and listen well. These decisions are already final. I won't hear disagreements about them. I won't entertain notions of changing them. If you are going to tell me you have better options in mind, I will laugh at you, cancel your training since you already obviously surpassed me, and won't allow you to ever return here, since you clearly wouldn't need my help anyway. And yes, I was born before modern democracy, in case you were wondering. Any final questions before I start listing your arrangements?"

They all shook their heads with varying degrees of reluctance, ranging from annoyance to intimidation.

"Boya," Evangeline told Negi. "You will undergoing basic testing with Despair, your other self, and this woman," she dismissively pointed at Takane, ignoring the young female's angry glare. "They all are more or less versed in the use of dark and shadow magic, which seems to be the type best suited for you." Negi himself, Chisame, Misa, Sakurako, Misora and Asuna made concerned faces at those words, but didn't dare to argue for the moment.

"Kakizaki," Eva told Misa. "Your Artifact demands good aim and coordination skills, which you obviously lack to shameful degrees. This girl will teach you the basics of precision aiming and shooting." She gestured towards a gulping Mei. "Shiina, your Artifact is a support one, but support tools are of little use if your adversary can strike you down before you get to help your Magister. Thus, I leave you in the hands of experienced supporting Ministra." She beckoned to Nodoka, Yue and Haruna. "Try and teach this airhead something about her place in a battlefield. How to move across the sidelines while still being of use to her Master."

Next, Eva snapped her fingers in Twilight Red's direction. "Kagurazaka, you'll be charged exclusively with teaching this girl the ropes on the use of her Artifact, and her own natural abilities," she said, pointing at Asuna with a thumb. "Be as harsh as you can. Don't mince your strength. From what my other self told me, she'll need to steel herself as much as humanly possible."

Asuna blinked, repeating the words that had left the strongest impression on her. "My own… natural abilities…?"

"Sakurazaki," Eva told Setsuna. "Take this sorry excuse for a nun…" she sneered in direction of a half-pouting, half-snarling Misora, "– and attempt to teach her how to use her feet properly. So far, all her speed has been good for is for running her straight into traps. Other than Boya himself, you're the fastest member of his team, so I trust I can leave this to you. You shouldn't have any problems with it, I assume?"

Setsuna only nodded once stoically. "I will do my best."

"That's reassuring," Eva deadpanned. "As for you, Hasegawa, Hakase, come with me. I have a special kind of training for you two."

"Excuse me?" Calculator of all people dared to speak. "Shouldn't… Shouldn't I be charged with her?" she poked a finger towards Chisame. "Much like in Asuna's case?"

The vampiress huffed. "Are you deaf? Didn't you listen when I said I didn't want any discussions on this? I want you to look through the local Maginet, to search for any clues on my stupid other self's ridiculous problem. It's embarrassing, to see myself like that. Unlike Kagurazaka's case, your Artifact only looks the same as Hasegawa's, but has a highly different use. You would know as much about using it as you'd know how to pilot an airplane. Besides, unlike you, she _is_ a Primary Partner. As such, she should be much more battle active than you are."

Chisame couldn't help gasping.

"Yeah, like _I_ don't know anything about being battle-active…" Calculator muttered. "Damned Poyo…"

"S-S-Sorry…" Ai stammered timidly," B-But what about us…?"

"Oh, right, you're here as well," Eva grumbled, looking at her, Matoi and Cocone. "I have no use for you. You can go anywhere you want to as long as it isn't marked off limits. Preferably to some highly lethal place where you can dispose of yourselves."

"There are such places here?" Nozomu asked with new hope.

Eva threw an icy glare at him. "Concentrate on helping the Boya, half-a-man!"

Matoi stood right before Chisame. "I'll stay behind Chisame-sama all the way, offering her my undying moral support and willing carnal devotion!"

Eva shrugged. "As you wish. You?" she asked Ai.

The shy 3-F student shrunk under that sharp, humorless stare, her words not coming out, until Itoshiki sighed. "Please do come with us, Kaga-san. We could use someone taking notes on our activities, so we can compare and contrast results later."

The girl nodded very nervously. "I-I-I'd be glad to help, Sensei! I only hope I can do it with some success!"

Cocone had, of course, grabbed one of Misora's hands, squeezing it warmly. The older girl smiled down at her, thankfully.

Evangeline clapped. "Well, that's all I have to say on the matter. We'll meet back here in exactly five hours, when I'll tell you the next step of your training."

"F-F-Five hours…!" Misa eeped.

Eva glared at her. "Isn't it enough for you? Fine, five and a half, then."

Misa bit her tongue before it could betray into her saying anything else.

As they were about to disperse to their assignments, Konoka called out," Eva-chan!"

Evangeline frowned at the overly familiar address, but a sound behind her made her turn. Kuro and the other her had come up the stairs, the latter wearing the short black dress Evangeline had lent her and one of the white surgical masks Evangeline kept for when she had hay fever.

"Master!" Erebus cried in concern, instantly hurrying to the blonde's side and causing several pangs of jealousy in those watching. Why couldn't Negi rush to _them_ like that? "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

The (alleged) Shinso rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, _girla_ ," she said, making Erebus wince, very aware of his still-long hair. "It was getting boring in that bed, so I figured I'd risk spontaneous dancing to come up and see you all make fools of yourselves. There was nothing to do down there anyway. Sakurazaki and Konoe forgot to leave any games."

Konoka snapped her fingers. "I _knew_ I forgot something! Sorry Eva-chan!"

Erebus frowned. "Wasn't Kuro-san there with you?"

"She apparently didn't feel like doing me," Kuro said with a straight face as everyone else not named Springfield choked on their tongues. The comment, of course, went completely over the Negis heads. "The singing is benign and kinda under control, but her mouth keeps moving, hence the mask. There shouldn't be any harm in her moving around. I'd advice against karaoke and poetry readings, though."

Evangeline frowned. "Fine. If you're free, that means you can help Kakizaki with her aim. You're supposed to be some kind of archer, right?"

Kuro frowned. "Hey, I never agreed to that! I'm not even Ala Alba!"

"Still, you are the best here when it comes to long-range projectile combat, Kuro-san," Karakuri said. "Wouldn't you please consider?"

Kuro huffed. "Fine. But only because I like you, Chachamaru."

"Thank you."

"Though if you could hook me up with a few maid uniforms like you wear in child sizes for Illya, Miyu and me…"

"I shall arrange it."

Misa frowned. Her? An archer? "She doesn't look like much."

"Negi doesn't look like much either," Kuro said. "Ever seen him level a city block?"

The locals paled, Negi most of all. "Are you serious?-!" Chisame said.

"Well, he's never actually stopped at just a block…" Kuro said.

"It was one time!" Erebus cried. "Besides, Sakura-san, Yuuno-kun, Saber-san, and everyone else was doing it too! And we were in a barrier, so it doesn't count!"

"I remember a certain handshake…" Calculator murmured. "Looking back on it, I thinkt that was history's first official Befriending… and with a Fate too to boot!"

"Handshake?" Negi said, confused.

"Hasn't happened yet, don't worry your little head about it," Twilight said, somewhat annoyed. Why was she always knocked out for the interesting stuff…?

Misa had been eyeing Kuro. "I don't know… if she's an archer, how can she help me? My weapons are needles, and it's not like I really need to aim to hit anything. It goes where I will."

"Oh, how little you know," Kuro said. "Girl, there's aiming to hit something, and there's actually hitting it. I suppose we'll see if I can teach you the latter…"

….

** When Two Asunas (Fraternally) Love Each Other A Lot… **

Through another, smaller magical circle transporter, Chachamaru took Asuna and Asuna to a dry, sunny, seemingly boundless extension under a cloudless blue sky, setting a few thermos and changes of clothes near them.

"I will come back for you as soon as your scheduled time is over," she promised. "I wish you good luck in your training."

"Thanks, Chachamaru!" Kagurazaka smiled, full of confidence.

"Yeah, thanks," Asuna nodded. After Chachamaru bowed and left, the younger redhead asked her other worldly self, while looking way up," What's with this place anyway? There's a sun despite our being underground? I remember something like this under Library Island…"

"It's an artificial sun made by the magic that sustains this place. Don't think too much about it," Kagurazaka shrugged, summoning her harisen. "Though I guess this Eva made her resort kinda differently, since we didn't have different environments until after the Mahorafest. You ready? Don't worry, I won't be as cruel as Eva wants."

Asuna frowned. "No need to treat me with kid gloves! There's no point in half doing this, is it? Let's both give all we got!"

With that, she activated her own Pactio, then swirled her paper fan around before standing ready to do battle. "Let's go wild!"

"For starters, you're standing wrong," Twilight Red instructed, assuming a more coordinated stance of her own. "Do it like this. You're giving yourself five different openings as you are now, and your stance has no power. One hard shove will make you fall over."

"Ah? Ah, well, okay," Asuna copied Twilight's pose as best as she could. "Done. Now I'm ready!"

"You really sure you want me going all out?" Kagurazaka smirked. "The gap between us is big…"

Asuna huffed. "It can't be that big! We're the same person, after all!"

"Your funeral," Twilight blinked, and then, in the blink of an eye, she flashed over to her, swinging the fan up before Asuna could even react and hitting her across the chest and chin, sending her flying a few steps back.

"Owww!" Asuna complained, falling on her back and springing back to her feet on the double. "Wh-What? I didn't even see you moving!"

"You're wrong. We aren't the same person," Twilight Red said, raising a finger in an instructing pose she'd seen Eva take up a lot and which she'd been DYING to do herself. "Eva's training, and our battle experiences, have totally changed us all from what we used to be. This is your wake-up call, girl. Stop assuming you're good when you haven't even started the path! You're just a level 5 start-up character, barely past your combat tutorial fight, and not even at the first dungeon yet. While _I'm_ a level-grinded level 999 character in a Nippon Ichi game who's already gone through the regular game and digging through all the secret boss fights, readying the save file for the even-harder sequel."

Damn, it felt good, bossing a novice around! No wonder Eva did it so much!

Asuna's brow curved itself down, as she retook her prior battle stance, gripping the fan harder. "Fine. I'm warned now. I won't be taken so easil—"

Kagurazaka slapped her down to the floor again. "You were saying?"

"Arrrghhh!" Asuna jumped back upright. "That's cheating! Give me a fighting chance, unless you want to train me to be a punching bag!"

"Enemies aren't going to—"

"I know, but enemies aren't supposed to be training me!" the younger Asuna interrupted her. "I already know you're faster than me, no need to show it off! I'll build more speed up as I progress, but in the meantime—!"

"I hold back for you?" the Ostian Princess smirked somewhat smugly.

Asuna pouted, then finally nodded with reluctance. "Yeah, fine."

The other Asuna's smile softened. "Okay! I'll tell you what; attack me. As much as you want. I'll only defend and block, and tell you what are you doing wrong, and how can you improve. Deal?"

"Deal!" Asuna charged ahead, and Twilight blocked her first strike easily with her own harisen. Then the next one, and the one after that. And the following one, and so on.

"Think in terms of neutralizing me, not of just hitting me!" Kagurazaka shouted over the sounds of clashing fans. "Let your personal feelings guide your fighting passion, but not your fighting strategy. Keep both things separate in your mind. Use your fighting fury, but don't let it use you."

 _When did I become Yoda?_ both Asunas wondered then, even as their fans collided once more.

….

** Misora vs. Setsuna, Round One. **

Karakuri left Misora, Cocone, Setsuna and Konoka in a section of the resort that resembled a valley between distant hills, which surprised the hell out of Kasuga. "Wow…! It's like you got a full world inside of this place…!"

"You could say so, in a way," the gynoid left enough food, drink and assorted implements for them to one side. "If you need anything, contact us through your Pactio cards, please. I will be tending to the Master now, but if you want something else…"

"We'll be fine, Chachamaru-chan!" Konoka reassured her. "Right, Set-chan?"

"Yes," the swordsgirl nodded briefly, and once Chachamaru was gone, she addressed Misora, while Cocone sat next to Konoka. "Kasuga-san, summon your Pactio."

"Sure thing!" Misora pulled the card up and transformed once more, fixing her short skit a bit before grinning at the Shinmeiryuu expert. "Well, we're going to develop my speed, aren't we? I suppose we'll start with a race, right?"

Setsuna shook her head. "No. In a straight race, you'd win every time. Easily. I can't help you there. The purpose of my help is to hone your usage of super speed in battle situations."

"Battle?" Misora made a frown. "I'm a sister of mercy! I abhor violence!"

Setsuna stared at her. "Your order kills monsters and has more in common with magic-armed peacekeepers than peaceful servants of the Vatican. I work with our Misora, remember? I respect our Misora's wishes to stay out of the front lines, but you have different duties than hers. You're one of the few Ministra your Negi-sensei has, so you'll need to step up, and that will put you in direct danger. Danger that often can't be just outraced. Do you understand the weight of this responsibility?"

Misora gulped and nodded.

Setsuna nodded approvingly. "That's good to hear. I don't think anyone's going to ask you to be a frontline fighter, but the last time we were in a major battle with no outside allies, we paid the price for not having enough striking power. Maybe you can escape such a fate if you diversify our attack options, and your team could use a good speedster. At the very least, you should be prepared to become a good surprise striker. After all, our Misora moves fast enough that even I don't see her if I'm not paying attention. I hear you're even faster. You could go in, attack, and be out without the enemy having time to react, ending the fight before it begins. You must have potential, otherwise Evangeline-san wouldn't have assigned me to you. So, the first thing we'll do is a test. Before I can gauge how fit you are to attack, I'll need to check your defense. So, I'll strike, and you'll dodge. But without getting out of visual range. If you run into the distance, escaping this battlefield, I'll consider you to have failed the test."

"All right," Misora droned, bored with the speech.

Setsuna smiled softly, and pulled out Yuunagi.

Misora's eyebrows trembled. "Wait. W-Wait, wait, wait! You're going to use that big sharp thing on me…?-!"

"Not if you dodge," Setsuna said calmly, and strode ahead with amazing swiftness. Yelping, Misora sidestepped in a flash, avoiding the attack immediately.

"Not funny, Setsuna!"

"You don't see me laughing, do you?-!" the sword expert said, lunging ahead again, only to be foiled once more. "Think you're going for your survival here!" She charged again. "Still too slow! I can see your after images!"

"You can-You can what?-!" Misora yelled while she was kept on her toes, dodging her relentless sparring partner at every turn. "How can you do that? You said I was faster than your Misora and you couldn't see her when she moved!"

"I said I couldn't see her if _I'm not paying attention_. Does it look like I'm not paying attention?" Setsuna said, feigning left, then flickering right as she stepped into Misora's path, surprising the nun. "I'm one of Negi-sensei's regular sparring partners and he moves _way_ faster than you."

" _What?_ " Misora cried, surprised as she hastily stumbled back, throwing up dust.

"If you get better, we might have to ask Negi-sensei to supervise you," Setsuna said as she went through a basic sequence aiming at Misora's legs.

"Hey! Are you trying to amputate me?-!"

"No, but your enemies will be. It's the most effective way to deal with a speedster. That, and…" There was a crack as Yuunagi slashed at the ground, sending up a cloud of dust. "Blinding them. The others are even less friendly."

Konoka hummed to herself, watching the interesting effect of Setsuna's skirt flaring with her movements, showing off her tight, tight, black biking shorts. Absently, she reached for a thermos, serving herself and Cocone twin glasses of cold juice. "Thirsty, Cocone-chan?"

"Thanks," the dark skinned girl accepted it, keeping her eyes on Misora's treacherously short habit and the resulting pantyshots as well.

Quietly, they bore witness for the next half an hour, as Misora kept on eluding Setsuna's swipes, very easily at first. The speed gap was big, despite Setsuna's own agility and velocity, so much Misora had even started to taunt her after the first few missed swipes.

However, as time went on, the battle of attrition, for a lack of a better term, began favoring Sakurazaki. The black haired girl looked like she could keep it up for a long while more, her faintly smiling expression unchanged, barely sweating. Misora, on the other hand, had started breathing hard, her smile forced now. Konoka and Cocone observed how each sword strike came closer, and closer, until finally, with a single swift swing of the blade… Setsuna created a huge blast of compressed air, hitting Misora's face with it and sending her down into the dirt on her butt. Her skirt had, of course, been raised in the blast, giving viewers an eyeful.

"Yay, Set-chan!" Konoe jumped.

Misora panted as Setsuna stood over her analytically, offering her a hand. "Y-You… You could've chopped my head off!"

"Of course not. I'd never hit a friend with the sharp edge. I never aimed to actually hit you, but you'd react better if you thought otherwise," Setsuna helped her back to her feet. "To be honest, I half-expected you to refuse to take part in the exercise, so you did better than I thought, in that sense."

Misora blinked, then smiled slowly. "Whoa, thank you."

"However," Setsuna cautioned," You move in patterns without even realizing it, and keep to straight lines. That's what clued me in on where to strike. Once a fast or intelligent enough enemy can focus on where you will be, not where you are right now, that person can strike at that exact point to take you out. That's exactly what Nodoka-san did in your fight. To overcome that, you'll need better muscular coordination, and to gain a better sense of fighting strategy and improvising. Think as fast as your feet move. Right now, you hesitate before acting, and your adversaries can tag you taking advantage of it. You need to be able to move instinctively so you can think of what you'll do, but not actually think of doing them."

Misora nodded, now honestly trying to take good mental notes.

Konoka approached, wiping the sweat off Misora's forehead with a tissue. "But first, drink something to regain strength and breath, okay? You too, Set-chan! You aren't made of iron either, you know…"

"Yes, Ojou-sama…"

Misora sighed while sitting down on the scarce grass, next to Cocone. Setsuna wasn't as loud and threatening a trainer as Sister Shakti, but her unwavering ruthlessness in battle was, in its own way, just as intimidating.

….

** Interlude: Uranus and Neptune, Part Two: **

_"Oooohh, they fly through the air, with the greatest of ease, those daring young women on the flying trapeze..."_ the shapely young redhead sang while strolling through the halls of Arkham Asylum, swinging a whip in a hand, her steps lively and her tone mirthful. _"Their actions are graceful, all boys they do please, and my love they have purloined away...!"_

She walked over another twitching guard who had his face covered by a lemur. There were lemurs on the guards' faces everywhere, naturally, and it was getting bothersome, to walk over them. Perhaps they should have gone with another way to deal with those guys.

Still, this one twitched in an especially interesting way, so the redhead made a brief pause to crouch down next to him. She tilted her head aside, poking at the black hideous thing with no particular traits suffocating him. "What kind of nightmare are you having, I wonder? Trapped in a cell with that Clay-guy? Eternal diarrhea? _Twilight_ marathon? One night with the in-laws?"

She sighed, getting back to her feet and continuing her way, arms crossed behind her back. "There are so many things we'll never know! If I had it my way, I'd like to look into every dream ever made into a nightmare. I suppose that's what librarians think when they wish they could read every book ever published..."

_Somewhere in Mahora, Nodoka sneezed..._

The scantily clad girl stopped before a cell's door and knocked grandly on it. "Knock, Knock! Avon Calling!"

There was no answer, so the girl with the flame hair looked inside of the dark, small place, and the woman huddled into a corner, who was in turn staring up at her with round, bright, cowardly but greedy eyes.

"Shiny things..." she hissed, almost panting. "Will you give me your shiny things? I haven't had any shiny things in so long..."

"What? Oh, this?" the visitor pointed at her huge golden earrings and hair implements. "Sorry, but they're all mine. You want yours, buy or steal y—" She stopped in mid sentence. "Wait. This doesn't feel right."

She looked aside and read the inscription next to the door.

_Patient JB-8719. Margaret Pye._

The redhead slapped herself on the forehead. "Oh, the Magpie. The freaking Magpie. If Jun Jun learns about this, she'll never let it go..."

Ignoring the despaired pleas of the prisoner for her shiny things, she stepped over to the cell next door and knocked again. "Knock Knock! Avon Calling...!"

A female face smashed itself against the door's unbreakable glass frame from the inside. "Hey! Not fair repeating jokes!"

The visitor, just to be sure, read this door's inscription. Yep, it was the one. She grinned. "Harley Quinn!"

The woman grinned back. "Complete Stranger!"

"I have a question for you!"

"Oh, I have several! Aren't you cold in that skimpy outfit? Who fixes your hair, a blind man, or your worst enemy? Why are all those alarms blaring? The whip is just for show, or are you **really** happy to see me?"

The visitor chuckled, spinning around on her heels. "Hee hee! Oh, you're almost as funny as a broken foot! What is your favorite planet?"

The prisoner gave her a good long look. "I like Uranus."

"Thanks. I hear that all the time. By the way, if I were you, I'd step back from that door. If my useless sister down there has done her job, it'll explode in three, two..."

The door exploded, shattering into a million shards just as Quinn jumped back acrobatically, barely avoiding a nasty cut or five dozen.

Then she breathed in and out heavily, pointing an accusing finger at the redhead. "That could have killed meeeeee! What, you another jealous Puddin fan? Or Red's fan? I tell ya, I got what I deserve! Look for your own selfish psychos to latch onto! I heard Cornelius Stirk's available and looking!"

The visitor smiled and offered her a hand. "Let's get outta here, Wisecracker. My name's Ves Ves. And you've got a date with Destiny."

"Doc D?" Quinn cringed. "Ugh, no thanks. Not my type, reall— YOW!" she yelled as the girl grabbed her by the gray shirt and pulled her out with amazing strenght for someone so skinny. "Forceful! I like that in a gal! But remember, no tongue kisses on the first date! Unless it's downtown, in which case go nuts!"

….

** Ai's Dream. **

Ai sat on a large smooth rock, placing her hands neatly on her lap, as she watched Itoshiki, Negi, Negi and Takane taking their positions across the training field. It was a beautiful, grassy place next to a small river, and there were a few trees near them, birds clearly audible chirping between the branches, although at no point were they ever seen flying around. The Class 3-F student had placed a basket with sandwiches at her left, humbly and silently.

The three older mages assumed a semicircle positioning around the young Negi, as if on a previous agreement. The four of them chanted their activation keywords, the Negis forming a strangely musical harmony, and Ai gulped, feeling the air all around them growing thicker with some sort of presence she couldn't put her finger around. Chamo, who was slinking his way next to her, snickered. "Impressed, Nee-chan?"

"Ah? Ah, sorry, I didn't notice you were here! I'm so careless!" the girl fidgeted, blushing a few shades of pink. In all honesty, she still found the idea of talking with an ermine too strange for her liking, but she'd never admit that to his face. "W-Well, to be honest, yes, I'm very impressed…" she exhaled. "This whole world of magic still makes me afraid, sorry. I suppose I need to get over this fear…"

"The only way to get over it is by conquering magic yourself, Nee-chan!" Chamo replied, lighting a cigarette and smirking. "What would you say to a Pactio with my Bro? You could get awesome powers like Asuna-nee or—"

She shook her head quickly. "I'm so very sorry, but no! I couldn't impose myself upon him! And besides…" she looked at her feet," It's wrong to kiss someone you don't feel anything for."

"Ah?" the ermine eeped. He wasn't very used to girls no-selling Negi's charm. He'd studiously blocked out Kuro's statements of the day before.

Ai sighed, lifting her gaze to the fake sky. "Negi-sensei is a good boy, but I can't feel anything for him the way Chisame-san and the others do. Sorry. I guess it's the best for him, since a useless girl like me could never be a good partner…"

"Kaga-san!" Itoshiki called out. "We're about to begin! You promised you'd take notes of our actions!"

"Ah! S-S-Sorry, Sensei!" she fumbled around, grabbing a notebook and pen she had dropped by near before sitting, and beginning to write with shaky hands.

_A Study on the Training of Negi Springfield-sensei, under Negi Springfield-sensei, Takane D. Goodman-san, and Itoshiki Nozomu-sensei, by Kaga Ai. Day One._

Chamo smiled, climbing on her shoulder and looking at her elegant, yet nervous handwriting. "Don't be so harsh on yourself, Nee-chan. You're methodic and organized, and you care a lot about others. I know you'd be a good Pactio partner for the Bro!"

She still shook her head, with a small stubborn pout. "S-Sorry, but I said no. I don't like entertaining romantic notions about children. It's improper. N-Not to offend Negi-sensei's partners, of course…"

Chamo sighed, rubbing his furry forehead with a paw. Class 3-F was the only class in the whole academy to consistently overlook his Aniki's appeal, except for Matoi. Then again, maybe it was for the best. They were freaking weird.

Then he noticed the sad, longing way Ai looked at Nozomu while he, Erebus and Takane debated what to do first, and Negi sweated before them. A low chuckle escaped the small creature. "I see…"

"Wh-What do you see, Chamo-san?" Ai stammered.

"Nee-chan, you'd prefer having a Pactio with Despair-sensei, wouldn't you?" he teased.

"EEEEHHH?-!-?" Ai almost dropped her writing utensils. "NO! I mean, I couldn't, I mean I shouldn't! He's my teacher!"

She looked at the others with blatant angst, only mildly relieved when she saw they were paying her no attention.

"Be honest with your feelings," Chamo prodded. "Why else would you reject my Bro?"

"I-I-I-I told you, I don't like children! I mean, kissing children! Not like I've ever done it, but I'm sure I wouldn't like it! Also, I don't want to shame my family even more, landing myself in jail…!"

The ermine lowered his voice. "Still, you **do** like Despair-sensei, don't you?"

Her face became so crimson it was almost black.

"He doesn't have any Pactio partners yet," the ermine told her. "You should try it! I'm sure you'd make him happier, brightening his life up! And besides, the Primary Partner is usually the one with the strongest bond to the Magister! If you snooze and let anyone else get there before you, you'll have a harder time later!"

"Any… one… else…?"

"Matoi-nee told me several girls in your class liked him. Isn't that right?"

Ai pouted again. "W-Well, Kiri-chan does, and we're pretty sure Chiri-san does too. Kafuka-san seems even happier than usual when she's near him, and Meru-chan is always sending him… _steamy_ … text messages. But I don't know…"

"Just think about it, Nee-chan…" Chamo's slinky body snaked around her shoulders. He even half-hissed temptingly. An apple wouldn't have looked out of place in the picture. "Most Magister Magi end up marrying their partners, especially the primary ones, when they happen to have several…"

"Muh-Muh-Marrying!" Ai gasped.

"Someday, the legend of Dark Mage Itoshiki and his loyal wife and partner Ai will be told along those of Negi Springfield, his harem and his brave, handsome and humble ermine familiar!" his voice rang in her ear as he spoke into it. Ai breathed in and out heavily. "You know you want it, Nee-chan! Admit it! I can help you with that!"

A few puffs of steam began blowing out of her ears. "W-W-W-Wife…"

Chamo smirked to himself. The work was already half-done! Oh, if only the 3-A girls were as easy to rope in…

Then again, maybe he wouldn't see a cent out of that particular contract, but what the heck, he was just that nice. It couldn't all be for the mere sake of money; matchmaking was also an artform…

….

**Asuna vs. Asuna.**

Asuna's arms felt like they were going to fall off her shoulders. All of her body was aching already, from her pressured legs, forced to withstand the impact of each harisen slam, to her torso, which had taken several hits over the last couple of hours, but the arms were suffering the most. She felt so hot her body was bathed in sweat, she smelt like hell, and her skin began to itch. Surely she would be covered by the worst red rash of her life by the next day.

Her shirt had suffered so many slashes and hits it had been reduced to a few dangling rags, until Kagurazaka had allowed her to take it off before continuing sparring. Now she also was fairly sure the only reason why she wasn't fully topless yet was because her older self was taking it relatively easy on her. She barely had landed any solid hits on Twilight Red, and those had not damaged her or her clothing a lot. The other redhead only smiled, keeping her on her toes.

"You're getting better fast!" she complimented, making Asuna groan.

"No way. I still suck at this!" she managed to block another strike right on the nick of time. "How long it took you to get this damn good?"

"Months, maybe like a year or more in terms of this resort," Kagurazaka casually shrugged between swings. Asuna made an appreciative sound. Well, that kinda explained why she had such a better body than hers. Not only she had trained like some sort of Amazon, but she also had to be at least sixteen and a half, taking the amount of time spent at the Resort in mind. "And that's not counting all the actual combat I've had over the last two years."

"Doesn't it bother you?" she asked. "If you keep it, you'll become an adult woman while most of your classmates are still young girls."

Kagurazaka hummed, getting _this_ close to hitting her again. "That's sort of the least of my problems."

"No, really!" Asuna said, dashing back to avoid being whacked once more. "I know we don't have any parents or relatives who will mind, but… are you doing it to catch up on Takahata-sensei's age?"

Kagurazaka blinked for a moment. "What? No! Look, you don't know the half of it yet!"

"Then tell me. Oh, sorry," Asuna dashed aside, escaping yet another swing. "Now you'll tell we're fighting and not talking, so I should shut up, right?"

"Nah," Kagurazaka landed a glancing hit on her left arm, but Asuna didn't drop her weapon. That pleased Twilight Red. "Bad guys love trash talking and boasting mid-fight, and you should get used to that. You even can use it to throw them off their game. Besides, it'll help you gain endurance, and focus on two things at once."

"Okay," Asuna nodded. "Then, why do you do it?"

"For Negi, duh," the Princess snorted. "The kid would be a mess without me."

"For him? Come on!" the more inexperienced girl groaned, getting herself involved into another quick parrying exchange where, again, she had the losing part. "Don't tell me you fell in love with the twerp, too!"

"It's more complicated than that!"

"It'd better be a good explanation!" Asuna hissed. "Doesn't he have more than enough other Ministra to help him? Why must you sacrifice your youth, your life, for him, like this?"

Kagurazaka held her harisen down with her own, nailing her mismatched eyes with hers. "Why are **you** doing this?"

"Eh?"

"Why are you here, if you don't care about Negi?"

"Hey, hey! I'm not an insensitive monster, you know! If I can help the little guy, I'll do it… but not to the extreme of spending months holed up here, getting old while the world spins around at its normal pace!"

Kagurazaka's eyes narrowed, though she chuckled in amusement. "How little you know."

"Ah? What's with that tone now?"

Kagurazaka lowered the fan, gesturing for the fight to stop. "Asuna. Please consider these words carefully… You're being a major idiot."

"Geez, thanks. I've heard that from a lot of people, but never from _myself_! Nice to hear an official confirmation!"

The older girl grabbed her by the shoulders. "It's true we do this for love. Otherwise, there's just no point to it. But not all love is the romantic kind, and not all sacrifices must be done for someone you want to marry. For crying out loud, between the two of us, we average about fifteen… kinda. Isn't it kinda early for you to try justifying doing things for love? Step back from all that 'power of love', 'doing this for my loved one' junk they're filling TV with these days. Negi and I have been roommates for over two years, and I've been in on his secret for all of that time. We're friends… Setsuna… Konoka… even Kuro, though we don't hang around a lot, the little pervert. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't there for them if they needs me? It's not all about Negi. The little brat just dragged me into the mess, but he's not all the reason I'm staying."

"Right. So you love the kid like a baby brother. You sure you haven't spent too long with your Iincho? Besides, you distinctly said 'for Negi' a couple of lines ago."

Kagurazaka scowled fearsomely enough to intimidate the other girl. "What if I do?"

"If you do what? Loving him like a brother, or spe—"

"The former."

"Ah. Ah, well, I suppose that's okay. It's easy to feel pity for the little—"

"Not pity!" Kagurazaka snapped. "He doesn't deserve our pity, just like we don't deserve his. I've watched him start out from a naïve little kid to one of the most powerful people on two planets. We respect Negi, and he respects us. That's why we're partners. We complement each other. That's what you'll need if you want to become a Ministra Magi!"

And she paused.

"Because you do want that, don't you?"

Asuna looked down. "I guess so… I mean, yeah, okay, I can respect the twerp's little guts. And yeah, I don't dislike being with him and the others. But… sheesh, it's a lot to ask from me, after such a short time, don'tcha think?"

Kagurazaka sat down on the ground and patted the spot next to her. Asuna hesitated before sitting down as well, and Twilight ran an arm around her shoulders in a friendly way. "Asuna, I've been there. I've felt your doubts, so I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh. I just ask you to have some patience. You'll understand soon enough."

Asuna breathed out with resignation. "Okay."

"Cheer up! It's a hard road at times, but well worth it. I promise. Nice people, interesting places, never a dull moment…"

Asuna half smiled. "Nice to hear."

"And in a few months, you'll be able to walk all over Iincho without even trying!"

Asuna blinked, and a wide pleased smile creeped up her face. "Asuna! You should have started saying _that_!"

"If I did, you might have tried doing it for the wrong reasons," Kagurazaka said loftily. "Minstra Magi are supposed to help people, not go around beating up the ones they don't like!"

Asuna wilted slightly. "Sorry."

"That's just a fun bonus!"

Asuna started, and then laughed.

For a moment, they sat, letting the heat evaporate their sweat.

"So…" Asuna said. "You love him like a little brother, huh?"

Kagurazaka grimaced. "I make sure he takes his baths, doesn't overdo it in either the teacher thing, the mage thing or the superhero thing, wake him up most mornings, I'm _probably_ going to have to be the one to ever seriously give him _The Talk_ when finally does start noticing girls that way– heaven help us!– since Nag– er, _certain_ _people_ are useless at it, and the others will try to use the opportunity to make a move on him. I can't live with him, can't live without him, can't sell him on the black market for organs despite all the deals I'm sure I could get, and would rip apart anyone who wants to hurt him, and I know he'd do the same for me…" She clenched a fist, smiling slightly. "A lot of people tell me that's what family is like… It's a headache… and I'll literally kill anyone who tries to take it away from me. Maybe that's love. It's certainly not what I felt for Takamichi…"

"Family…" Asuna mused, looking down at her scraped, red and slightly bruised knees. "Huh…"

Kagurazaka patted her on the shoulder. "Hey, family's not about who you're related to. I know how hard it… was…" There was a marked pause on the word. "To grow up not knowing. To be alone, apart. When you saw me…"

"It was like a dream…" Asuna admitted. "Some family had finally sought me out… I guess the crazy explanation pushed it out of my mind. But yeah. I kinda hoped…"

Kagurazaka handed her the ragged shirt she'd taken off. Asuna wiped her eyes.

"It'll end," Kagurazaka promised her. "And it'll have nothing to do with finding someone from your past. You'll just wake up and realize all these annoying people who keep dragging you along and hanging out with you even though you have practically nothing in common are more important to you than _air_ and anyone who messes with them is in for as much hell as you can dish out. And take it from me. Keep this up, and in a year you'll be dishing out a LOT of hell. Which is about when you'll recognize these people have grown on you, so it works out."

"Promise?" Asuna said, wiping the last off her face.

"Promise," Kaguraka assured her. "Take it from big sister Asuna!"

Asuna raised an eyebrow. "Big sister Asuna?"

Kagurazaka grinned. "Well, if you wanna get technical, I'm probably the closest thing you have to a blood relative on the entire planet. You in the market for a big sister?"

Asuna couldn't help it. She laughed. Kagurazaka joined in, and for a moment the desert echoed with their childishness.

"Well, break time's over," Kagurazaka said, leveraging herself up to her feet. "We goof off any more, and Evangeline's gonna yell at us."

"Aw! Onee-chan!" Asuna complained jokingly, but got to her feet as well, hefting her Artifact.

"Hey, big sister knows best," Kagurazak said, getting into a ready stance.

Letting out a sigh, Asuna attacked, her pseudo-blade arcing for Kagurazaka's left. The older one of course parried with an easy, almost lazy movement, riposting almost instantly to cut at Asuna's legs. The fronts of her calves suddenly burned in a line, but that didn't faze the slightly goofy smile on her face, an expression her other shared.

 _Sisters_ … They liked the sound of that.

Because despite what they said, finding blood of some kind _does_ mean something…

….

** Cheer Up, Misa. **

Kuro, Mei and Misa stood in the middle of a rocky moorland under a grayish sky. The 3-A student looked around in all directions, while Kuro whistled to herself nonchalantly and Mei placed a few packages full with clothes aside. This fact finally caught Kakizaki's attention.

"Hey, what are all those clothes for? We'll only be here for five hours."

"You'll see soon enough," the smaller student replied with a weary sigh, before pulling out a Pactio card. Misa could see it pictured Mei smiling and sitting on top of a flying broom, but she couldn't make the title or astrological sign out from there. The first instructor held it high and said " _Adeat_!"

Now that made Kuro perk up in attention. She paid the utmost attention as Mei's clothes ripped themselves off her petite body, leaving her in the buff for a blink before reformatting themselves into a near perfect copy of her Mahora uniform. Bummer. Kuro had expected maybe this alternate version would wear something sexier. Still, she wasn't complaining. These Pactio transformations were more akin, looks-wise, to Sailor Senshi power ups, Barrier Jacket transformation, or Miyu and her sister's Kaleidostick Contract activations than anything else; very brief, though much slower than the Senshi since it could be perceived by the naked eye, and almost invisible to the untrained eye, but… hers weren't untrained eyes. At all.

Now Mei held a broom between her hands, holding it tightly as she addressed Misa with the strongest voice she could muster. "Kakizaki-san! You as well!"

Misa pointed at Kuro, dubiously. "In front of her?"

"Hey, we're all girls here," Kuro chirped.

"To be honest, I'd feel safer with several boys I know than with you," Misa replied.

Kuro rolled her eyes. "Oh, so you're prim and proper now? Give me a break!"

"Um, don't mind it too much, Kakizaki-san…" Mei pleaded. "A good mage must be used to the shame and humiliation of being seen naked in public…"

Misa stared at her. "Since when?"

"Yeah, not all mages are you and your Onee-sama," Kuro chuckled.

Mei's brow actually furrowed at her then. "What could you know about us?"

"Alternate counterparts, remember?" Kuro wiggled a finger. "If you're anything like her, and half the stories Haruna has told me about you are true…"

"Oh, I'm sure they are," Misa giggled maliciously. "Itoshiki-sensei told us a few things himself yesterday, after the meeting. Once, those two ended up naked right in the middle of a—"

"A-HEM!" Mei rasped, rather loudly, and from the fire in her eyes Misa remembered she was, after all, a trained combat mage. Holding a broomstick she looked about to stick up the cheerleader's butt.

"O-Okay, I'll do it," Kakizaki agreed, though she still looked at Kuro skeptically, but drew her Pactio Card. "Adeat!" she cried, and she was lifted into the air, twirling in light as her clothes disappeared. This time, Kuro was able to pull a cellphone in time and snapped a photo of the glacially slow- by Magical Girl standards- gratuitously nude transformation scene before it was over. She pocketed the phone, smiling.

Misa landed lightly as her dress finished forming around her, her needles of light appearing between her fingers. "Ta da! What do you think?"

"I think I could have killed you by now if I wanted to," Kuro said. "Unless you're in a battlefield filled with hormonal, girl-starved idiots, don't do that anywhere outside a safe place unless you want to die."

Misa scowled. "Oh, don't be such a Chisame."

_Somewhere nearby, two hackers sneezed._

Kuro rolled her eyes. "Hey, focus, or I'm leaving," she said. She tilted her head in Mei's direction. "Well, you go first, girl. I'll check your… ahh, talents… before I make my own move. Gotta see what a little mage can do with her before deeming her prime for the big leagues training, after all," she smirked ironically.

Mei hmphed a bit, then ignored her, beginning to whisper an enchantment, moving her left hand's fingers up and down as over a dozen of small, round-shaped shadow figures appeared floating around her, making Misa's eyes widen. "What are those things?"

"Well, Onee-sama and Itoshiki-sensei taught me, after all. I'm no stranger to using shadow magic myself, although I favor the fire element," Mei explained. "These creatures are constructs similar to those Onee-sama uses in combat, although smaller and less powerful. But they will work fine for your training purposes. Your first test is to destroy them with your projectiles before they finish their goal."

"Um, alright," Misa swallowed, already fingering her light needles, showing some apprehension. "And what is their goal, exactly?"

Then Mei smirked in a rather vindictive way. Misa was suddenly reminded of a saying… how did it go? Ah, yes, Beware the Nice Ones…

"They eat clothes," the young mage said. And then the shadow critters zoomed for a yelping Misa.

Kuro almost cooed. She could learn to love this new world!

….

** Test. **

Evangeline led Chisame and Hakase into a dark, sinister and narrow passage between hills, under a silvery half moon. Wolves could be heard howling in the distance, and although the repetitive frequencies and lack of actual visible animals, even insects, seemed to indicate those were fake howls, they were still unnerving.

"Then… what are we going to do here?" the hacker asked, sure she wouldn't like the answer.

"Survival training," Eva smirked maliciously.

"Oh, joy," Chisame deadpanned.

"I decided simple face to face fighting was too soft for you," the vampiress grinned, crossing her arms. "After all, you two are the closest partners to Boya, the ones he'll rely the most often on. You deserve a… _special_ treatment."

"You shouldn't have bothered," Chisame sounded humorless.

Then Evangeline dropped the mockery as well. "Okay, Hasegawa Chisame. Let's cut to the chase, then. Your mission here is simple enough. I'll leave you two here. Alone. And you have five and a half hours to make it to the far East end of this area," she pointed far into the distance, into some thick and dangerous looking woods. "You can't call for anyone's help but mine, but doing so means you're quitting, not only this training session, but any and all future ones as well. And you won't be allowed onto my premises ever again."

"Isn't that somewhat… extreme?" Hakase doubted.

"Extreme pression must be placed under those who are fated for extreme paths," Eva snorted," And that's what you'll have to face in your futures if you truly wish to stand next to Boya. You're still in time to give it up. Tell me you don't want to do it, and I'll allow you crawl back into your gray, pathetic everyday lives without a single objection. Reject that offer, and I'll have no mercy or pity on you."

Chisame scowled, fixing her eyes on hers. "Everything has to be all or nothing with you, doesn't it?"

The tiny blonde shrugged. "It's the only way life deserves to be lived."

"Well, I won't choose 'nothing'," Chisame put a foot down stubbornly. Like hell she was going to show her fear!

"Neither will I," Satomi nodded quickly.

"We will see," Eva chuckled with faint amusement. "Remember, five hours and a half. You'll recognize the end of your path when you see it… if you get that far! He, he, he, he!"

Then, suddenly, she disappeared in a burst of black bats.

Hakase gasped, backing away against Chisame's body. Although trying to hide her own shock, Chisame seemed scared as well, before laughing it off shakily. "W-Well, not like it's the first time we see her doing this kind of things! We aren't going to drop dead in fear over a walk through the darkness, right? It isn't even that dark… the moon is very shiny, and if we stay together, I'm sure we can make it…"

"D-Do you think so?"

"… You want the honest answer, or the comforting one?"

"The comforting one."

"Yes! Of course we can!" Chisame forced herself to laugh out loud. "It's only our first session, she can't be THAT bad with us yet!"

Hakase squeezed her hand tightly. "Should we use the Pactio cards right now?"

Hasegawa shook her head. "Not yet. I'm sure Eva has planned this so we have to save them for the right moment. To beat her, we must think like her. She wants us to panic, to go all out from the start and run straight into any traps she may have set. Instead, we'll thread carefully. We won't lose our wits, no matter what—"

Then she felt someone's breath on her neck, and a voice spooked her out. "That's why I love you."

"GAHHH!" Chisame turned around and punched that person in the face, only to see it was… "T-T-Ts-Tsunetsuki? You were here all this time?"

"Yes. Always," the older girl weeped silently, holding her now swollen and red right cheek. "You were so distracted with Mc Dowell-san you didn't even notice me. Not even the narration did, for that matter. Ohhhh, Chisame-sama, the whip of your love is so painful…!"

Chisame exhaled a sigh. "Fine. The more of us, the better our chances for survival, I suppose. Just don't wander around…"

Matoi glared at her.

"Right. You don't do that. Sorry," Chisame said. "And don't touch anything you may see, okay? No matter how tempting it may look. Especially not my butt."

Matoi looked wounded. "Would I do that?"

"In the darkness? You always do!" Hasegawa reminded her.

Matoi looked away innocently. "I don't see how can you say for sure those were my hands in that movie theater you were at last week. Unless, of course, you have learned to identify them by contact alone. In that case, I feel _so honored and beloved_ …!" she cooed.

Hakase began to look jealous. Well, she _knew_ which weak link would be the first one to go, if push came to shove…

….

** Interlude: Madoka (No, Not That One, The Negima One!) **

Madoka lay in bed frowning, trying to keep her attention on the fashion magazine she was supposed to be reading. Instead, she kept on looking at the clock. Misa and Sakurako had announced they'd be out for most of the day again.

They almost never spent any time together now. Madoka guessed they were being serious about their respective relationships now, and while it pleased her to see they could have a sense of commitment after all, she still was worried. Not about Sakurako, but about Misa. There was no way Negi-sensei could be ready for her. Kugimiya was fairly sure it'd end in tears. But telling that to Misa was guaranteed to yield no results. At least not any positive ones.

 _It's not my problem,_ she tried to tell herself. _Could be worse. Misa could be doing enjo kosai…_

_In a distant, decadent universe, Misa sneezed as she paid up her on of her bet with Sakurako by having a threesome with her and Madoka…_

Madoka rolled on her stomach, antsy and uneasy. Her bare feet patted randomly, softly, on the bedsheets.

Then the phone rang. Madoka picked it up faster than she'd have expected moments before, had the idea crossed her mind then. "Moshi Moshi? Kugimiya here."

"Hello. It's me," a barely there voice said.

"Oh. Nagato-sempai. Good evening," Madoka exhaled. "What can I do for you?"

"I am monitoring your progress. You haven't experienced any new displacement incidents today?"

Madoka's face soured at _those_ memories. "Oh. **That.** No, thank God, no, and I hope it never happens again. How's your brother doing, by the way?"

"We are forbidden from contacting each other unless there is a direct need for it. Our continued interaction might threaten the continuum's stability."

"Ah," Madoka blandly said. "Yeah, that's the excuse my folks gave me for not coming here this Christmas, too."

"You do have my phone number, don't you?" Yuki asked.

"Yep. Haruhi-sempai gave it to me. Along with those of everyone else in the Brigade. Even Tsuruya-sempai's. Why?"

"Contact me if you witness any unusual events during your trip to Kyoto, especially if you find yourself in any situation of danger. I will be there to help you."

"Ah? How would you— forget it. Silly question," the cheerleader sighed. If Nagato-sempai could travel between dimensions, after all, getting to Kyoto in a blink would be no problem for her. She wondered who could get to Kyoto faster, Nagato-sempai or Superman-sama. Much to her dawning terror, she found no easy answer.

"Goodbye," Yuki said and cut off the call.

"Ah! Oh, good—" Madoka bit her tongue. Crap, that weird girl was so difficult to understand and deal with.

Still easier to handle than Misa and Sakurako, though.

Madoka wondered what they would be doing at that time. Hopefully nothing dirty with the Prof and Sensei…

….

** Misa vs. Kuro. **

About an hour later, Misa was panting hard. It was quite nice, really since it placed heavy emphasis on how her chest rose and fell and…

…

Ahem.

Anyway, after the first pass of the shadow dolls had shredded a large part of the skirt of Misa's Pactio outfit, she'd gotten the idea, and had spent most of the time in a barely controlled mad dash in an attempt to stay ahead of the dolls, all while sending her needles at them. They weren't very tough, but they needed about four to six of her needles to put down, and they had an annoying tendency to dodge. At then end of the hour, though, she'd managed to take down the last of the dolls, at the cost of several more inches of skirt, which bared one side of her legs nearly all the way to her panties– indeed, a hint of purple fabric was visible near the top– and most of a sleeve and shoulder, showing the matching strap of a bra.

Misa laughed, though her breaths were short, and had obviously had a lot taken out of her. "Too easy," she said, preening. "Well? Impressive, huh?"

"That was quite good," Mei said, nodding.

Kuro snorted. Over the course of the hour, her face had been getting progressive blander. Now it was almost stony. "Your rate of fire is slow, your aiming skills are juvenile, and honestly, you throw like a girl. A paraplegic girl. A _blind_ paraplegic girl. With no ears."

That did it. "Hey, who are _you_ to be so judgmental and arrogant?-!" Misa demanded angrily.

Kuro's arm suddenly blurred, making Misa and Mei yelp in surprise. There was a 'thunk', and six long, slim blades suddenly appeared in a precise line on the ground, three to either side of Misa's left foot. There was maybe only a hair of space either way. It had all taken a blink of an eye. The two older girls stared.

"I'm the girl who can do _that_ ," Kuro said. She smiled. "Do _you_ want to learn how to do that?"

Misa's mouth flopped. "I thought you were an archer!" she managed to say.

"I am," Kuro said, smiling smugly. "You should see how good I am _with_ a bow. I could shoot down a plane. A fighter plane. Traveling at supersonic speed."

Even Misa could tell she wasn't kidding. A nagging thought that sounded suspiciously like Negi was telling her maybe she should take this girl seriously.

"Well, I suppose you can teach me…" Misa said reluctantly.

"If I wanted to," Kuro said. "So far, I don't see much reason to bother."

"Hey!" Misa cried. "Evangeline-san ordered you to teach me!"

"I don't take orders from Evangeline," Kuro said, inspecting her nails in an obviously dismissive gesture. "Why should I waste my time teaching you? You're obviously not taking being a Ministra seriously, and are just using it as an excuse to get into Springfield's pants. Good luck with that, by the way. Should happen some time after the sun turns to ice."

Well, that part about Negi was true, but no way was Misa going to stand being being lectured like that. She gestured with a needle. "Now, listen here– !"

A dark hand clamped onto her wrist like a vise, and suddenly the world was spinning around her before Misa found herself eating sand, her arm curled painfully behind her back, with someone using her rump as a footrest. Her arm was twisted and she gasped in discomfort, her grip loosening, dropping the needle it had held.

" _Don't disrespect your weapon,"_ Kuro hissed. "You can disrespect me, you can disrespect your Magister, you can disrespect yourself, but don't you _dare_ disrespect your weapon. Disrespect your weapon, and your weapon will kill you. _Understood?_ "

"G-got it," Misa stammered.

Kuro nodded and released the cheerleader, who winced and massaged her wrist and arm, glaring up at the loli. She was getting really annoyed at being pushed around by girls smaller than her.

"Not respecting your weapon wasn't your only mistake," Kuro said easily as if nothing had happened. "It's just what pisses me off the most. You're limber and flexible for a civilian, but you obviously don't know how to move evasively, and have no situational awareness to speak of. This is _obviously_ the first time you've tried to train with those things since you got them, and while you have _some_ affinity for them– why else would they be your Artifact?– you're barely a gifted amateur. Anyone off the street could have done what you just did with those shadow dolls. Which begs the question: why are you here? Why are you even a Ministra?"

"For Negi, of course!" Misa said it as a self-evident fact, like how people die if they are killed.

Kuro rolled her eyes. "I'm never going to get what people see in him. Still, so what? Are you willing to die for him?"

"What's that got to do with– " Misa began.

"Because that's what a Ministra will ultimately have to be willing to do," Kuro interrupted. "Beyond all the fluff the Chamos like to bait you girls with about how Ministra often end up marrying their partner, I've never seen it happen. I only know of one Ministra who married their Magister, and she's dead. Everyone else I've met or heard of were co-workers, friends, or are just doing it out of convenience."

She conveniently didn't mention Misora and Cocone, amdgave Mei a warning glance not to say anything. The girl seemed startled at the prompt, blushing. "The romance story of a Ministra and Magister marrying and living happily ever after is a soap opera fantasy. The harsh truth of the matter is that a Ministra is a protector, a body guard. They are a Magister's sword and shield. If someone tries to stab your Magister, you take it for him. if someone sends a spell at him, you endure it in his stead. All the pain meant for him, you must bear as your own. How much pain are you willing to endure for Negi Springfield, girl? Is his blood worth more than yours?"

Misa was silent, her face pale.

Kuro sighed. "Think about it, _Ministra._ In the meantime, I guess I could spare some pointers to help you live long enough to decide. You kinda got shafted by you Artifact, in a way. There's a reason no one besides doctors, the Joker, and _really_ crazy awesome ninja use needles as a weapon. There's only one way to hurt someone with them: hit them with the pointy end really deep somewhere vital. The fact it's a mentally directed Artifact makes it easier, but Setsuna can tell you it's hard to use them effectively. One of her Artifacts is something similar, and she's never found much use for it… well, much use for it that didn't end up being useless."

Misa and Mei blinked. " _One_ of her Artifacts?" Misa repeated.

Kuro smiled. "Didn't you notice during her intro? She has two. Focus. Mei-san, a doll please?"

Mei hastened to comply, and a shadow doll materialized. Kuro gestured. "In _real_ people, the only way to stop someone is hit them at a vital point. With needles like yours, that means the head or the neck if you have good aim. Pros can shrug off a hit in the limbs unless it completely severs a muscle or in your case, if you're lucky, pins a muscle to the bone and immobilizes it– at least until they tear their muscles apart trying to flex it. Torso is more painful, but there's more mass to penetrate for a critical hit, so those can be shrugged off too. Take notes, there will be a quiz."

Misa blinked. "Huh?"

Kuro smiled beatifically at her, and Misa felt a chill run through her spine. Kuro's eyes glowed a warning golden amber. " _Trace, ON! AVALON!_ "

There was a flash of light, and in between Kuro's hands, _something_ appeared. Misa didn't get a good look at it, only that it was golden, glowing with an unearthly light. Then there was a sense of dissolution, and it seemed to rush into Kuro's chest, and then it was gone.

Kuro took a breath, let it out. She opened her eyes and smiled at Misa. The chills grew worse. "Mei-san, stay well back please, and probably behind a barrier. Remember. Head and neck. Anywhere else can be shrugged off. Stand up. Take out those needles. Face me."

Misa scrambled to comply, confused. "W-what–?"

"I," Kuro enunciated clearly and slowly, as if to a slow child," am going to attack you. I am going to run up to you and beat you repeatedly until you hurt. You need to stop me by any means necessary. Remember. Head. Neck. At the count of 3. 1…"

"Hey, wait…" Misa said.

"2…"

"I'm not ready!"

"3."

Misa half-expected some kind of streaking blur like Misa, or some bullet-like rush like Chachamaru. Instead, Kuro moved no faster than a normal girl, but that was still fast. Hastily, half-heartedly, Misa threw her needles, trying to scare her off, but Kuro merely sidestepped, and the needles buried themselves uselessly into the ground.

The next moment, Misa was having her feet swept out from under her as she landed on her back on the rocky ground.

"There are four ranges someone like you need to be aware of," Kuro said conversationally, looming over Misa with a smile. One foot kicked into Misa's side and she gasped, more in pain in surprise, though there was now a dull throb. "That was a preview. I'll be serious next run. Get up. The first is long range. That's from thirty to fifty feet from you. It's a good range. You have plenty of time to line up you shot and are relatively out of range from some small arms fire, with the rest being less effective. The downside is it gives people like me– and don't delude yourself into thinking you'll be fighting anything less than people like me– plenty of time to dodge, and we'll see you coming a mile away. So, not really the best range to attack."

As Misa pushed herself up to her feet and scrambled away from Kuro, both hands full of needles ready to fly, Kuro continued talking, strolling nonchalantly away from Misa, back to her. "The next range is mid-range. That's between ten and thirty feet. It's a lot more immediate and gives your target less chance to dodge, but also gives you less time to line up your shot, and you're within range of guns and anything else they might have. Guns kill Ministra too, remember that. You should have shot me in the back."

Kuro spun and _now_ shealmost blurred, rushing at Misa, fists clenched. Misa threw her needles in a panic, but again Kuro dodged, circling. "This is called circling, by the way. After mid-range is point-blank range. That's between ten and five feet. You can't possibly miss there unless you're blind, and even then, you still have a 3 in 4 chance of hitting. _They_ can't miss either, and now you're in range of any weapons they have, or just their feet if they're tall. I notice I'm at point-blank range and you still haven't so much as tagged me. How does it feel knowing you're doing worse than a blind person? And finally we have–"

Misa felt nauseas all of a sudden, and looked down in confusion. Pain exploded in her belly just as she saw Kuro looking up at her from practically between her breasts, one small fist slammed into Misa's gut.

"–extreme close range," Kuro whispered. "You let anyone get this close, and you are dead. They're inside your defense. Weapons are useless, because they'll get you before you get them. And the last thing you'll know, if you're lucky, is how utterly you just failed to protect Negi Springfield."

And then Misa was on her knees, retching out the last thing she'd eaten as her stomach revolted on her.

Kuro turned away with a disgusted snort, walking towards the rock where she'd been sitting during Mei's test. Mei was looking concerned, rushing to Misa's side. "Course, it's not like you knowing any of this will do you any good, because it has absolutely nothing to do with sex and getting into Negi's pants–"

A rock slammed into the back of her head and she stumbled, whirling in surprise.

Misa glared at her, bile still staining one corner of her mouth, another rock in hand. It was perforated with needles. Kuro raised one hand to her head, and plucked out a light needle that had gotten tangled in her hair. There was just a hint of blood on the tip.

Kuro grinned savagely. " _Now_ we're talking," she said, tossing the needle aside.

Mei watched in horrified fascination as Misa and Kuro closed in…

….

** Interlude: Scarecrow. **

The tall, lanky man exhaled several times after nearly stumbling into his apartment, taking his glasses off and slumping on his favorite sofa. He remained still there for a few moments, with his face buried in his palm, until his pet crow flew from its perch to land on his right shoulder, crawing loudly.

"Oh, Craw, my dear Craw," the man said, petting its feathered head fondly. "These last few months have been some of the worst, most trying in my whole life. Even _Arkham_ was better than this place. Everyone around here is _insane_ enough to make even the Joker look _normal_. Honestly, if I only could pull a scythe out and slash a few of their empty heads away… But alas! The time is not ripe yet, Craw. And knowing this place, the idiots would just think I was shooting a movie and not react with the fear I rightly deserve. My only consolation is Library Island. Such a beautiful, calm and comprehensive intellectual retreat from the stupidity of my students. And that young girl with the blinding bangs is certainly kind and lovely…" he mused.

The dark bird crawed once again, and its owner bolted back to his feet. "Oh! My apologies. You haven't had dinner yet, have you? I shall rectify that."

Humming a sinister tune to himself, something rather Tim Burton-ish with a dash of Kalafina, the spindly foreign man headed for the kitchenette, returning with a plate full of food he offered the crow. "Here. Enjoy your dinner, my friend."

As the bird ate, flapping its wings around, the phone rang. With an annoyed snarl, the man covered the distance to it. "Moshi moshi?" he asked, out of recent habit. Dear God, his students' idiotic ways were even rubbing off on him!

"HEEEEELLLLLOOOOO, SCAREY!—!-!-!" a voice shouted into his ear, deafening.

He shouldn't have said his name, he realized now. The devil, after all, often appears when his name's mentioned.

The startled man choked on his own saliva. "Y-You?-! What are **you** doing calling **here**? How did you get this number? Are you insa— I mean, stupid?-!"

"Relax, Scarey!" the male voice at the other end of the line chuckled, almost juicily. "I just DID THE RESEARCH! Let's see, recent American teachers admitted into the Mahora College Area to teach your specialty… Not a very wide range of those, you know? Okay, so I * _did_ * have to discard a few other chumps, but gimme a break, that school's too big and… weird. And don't worry about the line! It's fully safe. I have someone here making sure of it."

Over at Kyoto, the Joker patted Ruri on the head, who sat at his side hacking the Mahora Telephone System keeping the line fully isolated just in case. She pouted. It was hard. There were some strange elements in those systems she quite didn't recognize. She'd have to research them later on. Luckily for her, the magical society didn't bother to keep tight tabs on their muggle teachers unless they acted too close to the main focal points of magic.

"Even then, _why_ are you calling?" the teacher hissed. "You aren't supposed to come here for several months!"

"I know! But I missed you, ol' pal! I never forgot you, even if apparently the plot did, and most likely most readers as well! Heard any news from the gang back home? Especially Old Pointy Ears?" he asked, voice brimming with hope.

"You are addicted," the Professor droned.

"Well, he _is_ a strong drug," the clownish voice admitted.

"I'm hanging up," the Scarecrow warned in a deadpan.

"But I told you, we're safe! We can have intense hot phone sex, and free! The chance of your lifetime!" he joked. At least, the Professor hoped he was joking. He cut the call in any case, after a brief "We'll meet again when the time's right."

In Kyoto, Joker bit his ruby red lower lip. "He wounds me. He shouldn't wound me. When I get wounded, I get the munchies to wound others, too."

Ruri backed away silently, just in case.

Joker hummed. "Ruri-Ruri, can you get me a safe, oh so completely untrackable line with the Japanese Prime Minister?"

The genius hacker child nodded. "Sure thing. Why?"

"Oh, I'm going to teach you a few old classic phone pranks. Bart Simpson's got nothing on me…"

….

** What's the Appeal? **

"Seriously, what's the appeal?" Chiri repeated, as the girls from the other classes stared bluntly at her. "Not only is he awfully underage and illegal, not only does he allegedly dislike bathing, not only he will have to return his homeland once he stops teaching here (most likely), not only does he have a girl's voice, not only does he haves no idea what romance and forming a family is, but there are many much better men out there!"

Sawachika Eri from High School Class 2-C stared pointedly at her. "Like Itoshiki-sensei?"

"Well, yes!" Chiri huffed. "At least he's a grown up, and has an idea of what love and commitment are!"

"The only love he has is for death," Eri's classmate Sou Mikoto grunted. "And he's even scrawnier than that creepy new college teacher from America. Negi-kun at least is cute."

Harumi rolled her eyes from the sketches she was doing. "I'll favor sexy over cute anyday. Despair-sensei could use some more meat on those bones, right, but you can't deny he has the classic bishounen charm going on. Negi-sensei? Eh, I've never been the Shotacon type."

Classes 2-C and 3-F were both going to Okinawa, so they were putting together the final preparations for their trip. Soon, however, and just as usual, the topic had drifted to boys. Pretty much the only girl still working on her actual intended tasks was 2-C's Takano Akira, who had nothing in common with 3-A's Ookuchi Akira but her silent, trustworthy and hard working attitude.

"Bah! You all like old farts!" Tsukamoto Tenma pointed a swirly-pointed finger at 3-F. "One of you is even married to one of them!"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of!" Okusa Manami defended herself.

"Actually, it is," Hitou Nami sighed.

"How rude of you, implying we're wrong because we don't share your illegal and hideous tastes!" Kimura Kaere crossed her arms. "I'll sue you to the Child Defense Commitee!"

"Try it, psychotic freak!" Otsuka Mai challenged.

Mai's cellphone rang then. She picked it up, seeing she had just received a text message…

_Hey, lozer. Dont blm us if u end in jail 4 goin after dat baby, lol._

Mai shot murderous gazes at Meru, who was hiding behind the defiantly standing Chiri, holding her own cellphone. "Poison Text-Girl…!"

"Can't we all just get along…?" Ichijou Karen tried to plead.

"As soon as you all begin to think in proper terms!" Chiri barked.

"Shut up, you abnormals!" Mikoto growled. "Freak gallery! Circus menagerie! School outcasts!"

Chiri placed a hand over her own flat chest. "3-F stands proud of being the only class untouched by the pedophilia poison! We are all precise and fair in our dealings with the opposite gender, not resorting to stealing from their cradles!" Then her eyes shone psychotically as she pulled a spade out of nowhere, brandishing it as a weapon, ready to do battle. "And we punish those who are improper and wicked!"

Class 2-C backed away, now truly intimidated. There were only three things all students in Mahora feared alike. Nitta, Yotsuba Satsuki in Not Smiling Mode, and Chiri with a spade. Oh, and Takahata-sensei is Death-specs mode. And Saotome Haruna in full Yaoi-fangirl mode. And that Nanoha girl when she wanted to 'make friends' with someone. And Yukari-sensei's driving. And…

Only Akira kept on doing what she had been busy with, not even flinching. "…I wonder if Sister's doing better at Furinkan…"

Nami looked all around. "By the way, does anyone know why Ai-chan didn't come today? I know Matoi's probably stalking poor Hasegawa-san again, but…"

….

** Sakurako vs. Haruna. **

This particular ground was very mucky, almost like a rice field. Yue and Nodoka waddled around to higher ground uneasily, while Haruna took it upon herself to start the first part of the session. Grinning wickedly, the mangaka summoned her Artifact, humming as she tapped with the quill on a random page. "Hrrrrmmmmm… What to do first, what to do first…?"

"She'll start with tentacles," Yue whispered to her best friend.

Nodoka nodded and whispered back," In her own way, Paru's growing predictable with age…"

Yue shrugged. "Well, it makes tactical logic. It combines offense and containment with its own innate psychological terror. I just wish she didn't seem to enjoy it so much. "

"I see," Sakurako looked down after activating her own Pactio, staring at her half-submerged feet. "On this ground, my mobility is going to be handicapped, forcing me to push myself harder, and that's the whole point of the exercise taking place in this location, right?"

The three librarians blinked. "Oi?" Haruna spoke for them. "That was… very eloquent and insightful, Saku-chan."

The cheerleader laughed, scratching the back of her head with a pom-pom. "I've been expanding my vocabulary to understand what Satomi-chan says at any given moment!"

"Righto," Haruna nodded, smiling again. Her fingers moved quickly, and thin black tendrils began to sprout up from her sketchbook. Nodoka and Yue shared a sigh and a shaking of heads. "What?" Haruna asked them. "For an opening, you can't go wrong with a classic! I'll introduce her to the hardcore stuff later!"

"This is… the easiest part?" Sakurako eyed the tendrils with growing apprehension. "What do I have to do?"

"Well, my test will be all about mere survival against ranged attacks. Then Yuecchi will test your Artifact's limits, and finally, No-chan will give you the surprise finisher. So, basically…" Haruna's mouth pouted up, and she blew the words out mischievously," … try to escape me."

Then the tentacles extended themselves in a wide area arc all around Sakurako, zooming down at her seconds later. With a yowl, Shiina dashed back, almost stumbling in the still waters, but managing to keep enough footing to keep on evading as fast as she could, the dark living lines looking for her almost hungrily. "P-P-Paru-chan! What will they do if they catch me?"

The mangaka's grin grew impossibly diabolical. "We're outside of any Earthly legal jurisdiction…" She said ambiguously. _And thank Green Lantern for telling me about those…_

"Oh, no. No no no no no…" Sakurako began running for dear life.

"Hee hee heee heeee! Give it up, I promise I'll be gentle!" Deathnote cackled insanely, giving chase herself. She didn't have to do it, being able to just send the tendrils all the way off themselves, but predatory instincts were clearly getting the best of her.

Yue made one of her patented small frowns. "This has horrible rape undertones all over it. And the worst part is the worst undertones don't come from the tentacles, but _from Haruna herself_ …"

"Take it easy, Yue," Nodoka was using her Diarium Ejus to read Haruna's warped mind. "She only wants to scare Sakurako-san. Those are simply tickling tentacles…"

"Like I just said, the tentacles are the least worrying part of it…" Ayase insisted.

Sakurako pointed the pom-poms at her own feet and shrilled," Make me lucky, make me lucky, make me lucky!"

Immediately, her feet began to go faster, not quite in Misora's level, but fast enough to put a decent distance between herself and her pursuers.

"An interesting artifact," Yue pondered. "Very hard to predict."

"Just like Paru's, when she actually puts her mind to it…" Nodoka pointed out, gesturing towards their fellow librarian. Haruna had just drawn herself a small speed boat, using it to fasten her pursuit of Sakurako, closing on the distance again along with the tentacles.

Shiina panicked again, pointing the pom-poms at Haruna and yelling," Leave me alone! Good luck, help me!"

Right then, the speed boat sputtered loudly, shaking violently as if something had just exploded inside of it. Haruna blinked in confusion, and then shrieked as the water vehicle took an abrupt side turn and rammed against a nearby shore line, making her to stumble ahead and fall flat on her face. "Ow! Dammit, Saku-chan!"

Yue made a thoughtful sound before starting looking into her volume. "Certainly intriguing. So, when used on an ally, the Artifact increases their own luck as well, but damages those the user perceives as a threat. I believe it channels Sakurako's own luck factor, projecting it out into borderline minor reality warping. It could be very useful, if she finds a way to predict and control its exact results…"

"GIRLS! THESE LONG BLACK THINGS ARE **STILL** COMING AFTER ME!-!"

"Hang on there, Sakurako-san…"

….

** Negi vs. Itoshiki, Round One. **

Itoshiki stepped forward while sadly looking down at his extended right hand. "Curse you, Paper! Again, your frailty fails against the power of the Scissors!"

Erebus couldn't help looking sideways in Takane's direction. "Is there _any_ time when he's happy about _anything_?"

The high school student shrugged. "He seemed mildly happy last year, when that fire truck hit him. At least until the hospital said he'd live the next day. As a matter of fact, they told him he could leave already. I believe he had a crush on his nurse, so he was devastated and tried to throw himself in front of another fire truck. Since then, he hasn't been allowed within 100 meters of any fire station in the city."

"Ah. I see," Erebus said, blinking slowly. Perhaps Chisame-san had a few good points, after all.

Nozomu leveled his ruler towards the younger Negi. "Sensei, I shall be your first opponent. Try not to be injured, since I don't want a young child killed or injured because of me, except maybe those little jerks who keep harassing the Trix rabbit. But that's not to be discussed here or now."

Negi made a small smile. He was reasonably sure Itoshiki-sensei couldn't hurt him seriously even if he tried to…

Then the older mage began to chant in English, assuming his typical despair pose," _Dark Circus of Shadows, Crying Souls in the Carrousel of Tears, Spin, Spin, Spin…"_

Negi's eyebrows quivered as he saw the ground around Nozomu, already rich in magical energies, sprouting several ghostly shapes, faceless sub-humans in black rags, with long, skeletal hands hanging at their sides. "Huh?"

"Too slow to cast," Erebus analyzed. "For it to be effective in an actual battle, he'd need a good partner to cover for him."

"Yes. Mei and me have fulfilled that role a few times we've been on Orphan hunting duty," Goodman nodded.

Chamo chuckled, poking at Ai's ribs playfully. The shy girl gulped and tried to look aside before remembering she was supposed to be taking notes.

"Okay, I understand. _Sagitta Magica!_ " Negi quickly shot at the spirits as they flew for him, but much to his shock, the arrows just flew through them harmlessly, forcing him dodge them personally instead. "Wha–? They're purely immaterial!"

"Indeed! Spirit Magic, only vulnerable to spiritual counters, like the La-Tilt technique!" Itoshiki explained as they kept on throwing themselves at Negi, forcing him to the defensive. "They feed off the caster's inner darkness and misery to sustain themselves. A person pleased with themselves will only produce spiritual extensions lasting a few seconds. But mine? Mine could keep on going for hours!" he boasted.

"It just means you're a miserable, hopeless person! It's nothing to be proud about!" said Takane.

Magus Erebus thought of his namesake technique, his affinity for it, and resisted the urge to whistle as he said nothing.

Negi rolled aside, pulling a few charms out of his pockets. Part of the antiques he collected. They were supposed to absorb and contain negative spiritual emanations and curse spells. Waving them around, he quickly neutralized all of Itoshiki's soul living projectiles but one, which passed right through his head, making him to feel a huge, soul crunching, mind blowing and crippling despair filling him.

He fell to his knees. "It can't be! I-I've been defeated in a single strike! No matter if I get up now, I won't be able to go over my current, paltry level! I'll never be like Father, never will be able to find him, and if I did, he'd only laugh at me! I can't be as reliable as Erebus-san! I'M IN DESPAIR! BEING SO USELESS AND HOPELESS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"This is bringing back memories of my own training…" Erebus said, remembering his own training in "1000 Bad-Face punches".

Itoshiki sighed, walked to him, and dope-slapped him upside the head. Instantly, Negi blinked, seeming to regain his senses. "Now you know what I feel all the time. That was part of me entering you…"

Ai and Takane blushed uncomfortably, and Chamo made a face of disgust. "… Sorry!" Itoshiki blushed as well. "Seems like I have chosen the wrong words to express myself!"

Both Negis blinked rather cluelessly. "We need to expand our collloquial Japanese vocabulary," the smaller one said.

"Yes, we still do," Erebus agreed sagely.

"No, you don't!" Takane barked.

"Anyway!" Itoshiki hastily changed the subject. "Negi-sensei, your first mistake was not attacking me while I was chanting the spell!"

"But if you didn't get to cast it, I wouldn't have learned anything!" Negi argued.

"Wrong! I'd have told you about the spell as a reward for stopping it in time! From now on, I want you to give me no quarter!" the man commanded. "Attack me whenever you can, without ever giving me a—!"

He couldn't finish the sentence, since at that very moment, Negi had rushed to him and slammed his staff into his stomach, blowing the air out of him. "… I-I'm sorry. Is it okay, if I do it like this?"

Itoshiki nodded stiffly. "Vuh-Very…"

"Sensei!" Ai swallowed hard.

Takane smiled. "Nice. Very nice."

"Not exactly magic, but there are times direct physical attacks work best…" Erebus said, nodding approvingly.

"Thanks," Negi smiled as he patted a violently coughing, wheezing and gasping Itoshiki's back. "Nekane nee-san told me Father was an expert melee fighter as well, so I used to go to the woods and whack my staff at trees to practice. We didn't exactly have martial arts trainers at Merdiana, so I had to improvise…"

Then a bony fist magically charged with black spirals slammed him in a chin and sent him stumbling back. "It works both ways, too," Itoshiki stood straighter. "Looks like, if we aren't hesitating, we have more or less comparable speeds, Negi-Sensei. So, let us take this much more seriously from now on. No talking, no questions or anwers until one of us is down. Would you agree to such terms?"

"Yes!" Negi nodded resolutely.

"Good, because then we— OH, BEHOLD! OVER THERE! ISN'T THAT ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS IN DEADLY DANGER?-!"

Negi looked at the direction Nozomu had just pointed at, staff raised. "Where?-!"

Itoshiki began blasting him with dark bolts. "A tender heart equals an easy target! That's part of the Itoshiki family's teachings for this harsh, dog-eats-dog world!"

_Elsewhere, Saotome Ranma snapped out of his meditation. "I feel… someone's copying the Saotome teachings again!"_

Takane groaned and crossed her arms. "Were you ever _this_ naive…?"

"Looking back at it, I can barely believe it myself…" Erebus had to admit. "Though to be fair, my students _do_ get into trouble a lot, so it's usually true 50 percent of the time…"

….

** Tell it with Touching. **

"Keep your card in hand, just in case," Chisame whispered, walking at the head of the trio, her own card firmly in a hand, close to her chest. "Now, we're vulnerable while transforming, so we shouldn't transform at the same time if we're attacked. I'll do it first, then cover you while you transform too, Hakase."

"Why not transforming at once?" Matoi asked, clearly hoping for a glimpse of brief Chisame nudity.

Hasegawa lowered her voice even more. "No. Negi-sensei has told me many magical creatures can feel magic when it flows in the air. If we use the cards, we'll be putting a target on ourselves. And shut up. They might find us by our sounds, as well."

Tsunetsuki scowled, then reached over with a hand to tap on Hakase's left arm. The scientist blinked. Morse Code?

_I want to ask you something._

Stepping next to Matoi, Satomi tapped on her forearm in turn. _How do you know Morse code?_

_I once dated a survivalist. Crazy Prepared, indeed. In all senses of the word…_

…

_Regardless, I want a Pactio, too._

_What?_

_I want to useful for Chisame-sama. I'll make a Pactio with her._

_I'm not sure. I think you need a Mage to be your Magister…_

_Then I'll do it with Negi-sensei._

Hakase's face soured at the idea. _You can't make those decisions all by yourself._

 _You let Shiina in immediately. Why not me?_ Matoi's face seemed to be growing angry.

While Chisame was pleased to notice they had obeyed her and closed their mouths, she felt oddly puzzled about why had they relented so quickly. She looked back for answers, and saw Matoi and Tsunetsuki tapping on each other's arms. Almost as if feeling each other up.

She raised an eyebrow. The two other girls let each other go, breaking their heated non-verbal dispute and gaining a distinctive blush. Chisame looked at them with shocked concern, threw up her hands, and continued marching along. Matoi and Satomi followed her, looking down in shame.

 _Honestly_ , Chisame thought. Sakurako, herself, now **Matoi**? Hakase really had to make up her darn mind.

The tiny, annoying, Haruna-like voice in the back of her mind asked if she was jealous because of Matoi, of Satomi, or both. Hasegawa just slapped it around.

Hard. It sounded like Haruna, afer all.

….

** Interlude: The Sailor Senshi. **

"Well?" Akira finally spoke again after a long, long silence.

Artemis put the hairpin down at last. "It's safe," he declared. "No hidden transmisors, no implanted time bombs, nothing. It's a fully functional universal translator, yes, but beyond that… is normal. Hitou Nami-san normal."

_Elsewhere, Hitou Nami felt compelled to cry," Dont call me normal!"_

Akira hummed. Right. As 'otherwise normal' as a talking cat who could analyze machiney just by looking at its insides, then to somehow fix it back with those tiny paws without opposable thumbs, could be. She was fairly sure Chisame or Yue could have done a fitting comentary on it…

They were in Minako and Ami's dorm room now, Aino sighing as she relaxed back on her couch. "Ahhhh, I'd have liked to go there! Sounds like it was a truly great adventure!"

"I was kissed by another girl, my life was threatened by a giant insect, and I had to sit two hours naked in a cold metal chair," Akira reminded her.

"Oh, you're so the half-empty glass type. There are places in Tokyo where you have to _pay_ to get that kind of treatment. Not that's I'd know anything about those," the blondesaid hastily. "So, did you say the Batgirl you met there was named Bryce Wayne?"

Akira nodded. "Why?"

Ami and Minako shared a glare, which was concerned in Mizuno's case, jaded in Aino's. "Akira-chan," Minako said.

"Yes?"

"Doesn't **_that_** name ring a few bells to you?"

"Not much, although I've been having the weird feeling it should…"

"IT'S BECAUSE IT SHOULD!" Minako slammed her hands on the table, tossing a meowing Artemis down the floor. She produced a _High Society and the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous_ magazine and pushed it on her face. "Read this!"

Akira looked at the pages and frowned. "Daidouji Tomoyo wins controversial award for avant garde child wardrobe designs? Doesn't that girl study her—"

"No! The other one!"

"Tony Stark porn video most downloaded–"

"Not that one!"

"Kaiba Seto loses duel to goth–"

"Next to that!"

"Paris Hilton seen with Magneto–"

"Not her!" Minako pointed at another spot on the page. "Look! Millionaire Bruce Wayne! Predilect son of Gotham City, all around hunk and international playboy! What does this amazing coincidence tell you?"

"Bruce Wayne is Batman?-!-?-!-?" Akira, Ami and Artemis chorused.

Minako did a spit take. "What? No, of course not! We all know multi-millionaires and heads of international companies are evil, power hungry miscreants! No way he could be a good guy! Instead, he _must_ have an illegitimate child fighting against his empire of crime and corruption, aiding the fabled Batman of Gotham as our world's Batgirl!"

Ami, Akira and Artemis all felt into a blunt, grimacing silence.

"Ah ha ha ha ha!" Minako laughed, hands jarred on her hips. "I'm so smart! I made that amazing deduction with so little to go on! Truly a Bat Deduction worthy of the man himself!"

Ami decided to ignore her and looked at Akira again. "Then, Ookuchi-san, do you still have no idea how you were transported there in the first place? We should research it…"

"It's the Dark Agency's fault, I'm sure!" Minako waved a finger around. "Which means they might be on to your secret identity, Akira-chan! Tsk, tsk! Not even one week in this job, and you already blew your cover!"

"I-I didn't!" Akira gasped.

"You told those girls your secret identity…" Artemis said.

"Yes, but they live in another dimension! And they'll never come here! And even if they did, I know their secrets, as well!" Akira struggled to defend herself.

Minako smirked. "You do? That's great! We could blackmail them into joining our group, to fight along us for justice and good!"

"You can't fight for good while blackmailing people into helping you! That's mutually contradicting!" Artemis became the first cat ever to bark.

….

** Negi vs. Itoshiki, Round Two. **

It was quite obvious now that, while Itoshiki had naturally fast feet and nervous agility, he was not used to intensive and prolonged physical effort, so his earlier claims of having the same speed as Negi, while accurate at first, were proved wrong at that point. Still, the esoteric nature of his spells, ranging from areas no sane teacher in Merdiana would ever teach their students, or even keep in books available for the youngsters, combined with his deceptively long range capacities, were making up for it.

While Negi stuck to his eight basic combat spells usable on human beings, Itoshiki had a wider pool to access to, many of them tricky and confusing, dealing with misdirection before suckering the adversary into a straight strike. Erebus himself was not familiar with those, and he assumed they had to be born from some of the different magical specialities that world had compared to his own, or were possibly from some obscure school of thought. So he attentively watched and learned, paying the utmost attention.

Takane stood next to him with her arms crossed and a haughty scowl on her face. Ai's teeth chattered as she took notes frantically, and Chamo sat on his hind legs, shouting encouragement at Negi, but being mostly unheard over the rumbles of the Sagitta Magica and the shadow bombs.

Once again, the older man shouted in perfect English," _Tigers and panthers, jumping out of my heart!"_ And with that, four large shadowy figures sprang into existence around him, vaguely identifiable as four legged beasts of some sort, lunging for Negi.

 _"Evocatio Valcyriarum!"_ the child shouted back, neutralizing the shadow beings with his own Valkyrie summonings, barely managing to overcome them. He could feel the grim power brimming around Nozomu's constructions. If they truly came from his disturbed heart, then no wonder he felt so distressed all the time…

Then he felt something small and thin, but tight and hard as a steel cable, wrapping itself around one of his ankles, pulling him down to the ground with a single mighty yank. Then Itoshiki clapped his hands, saying," _Nevermore!"_ , and a huge flock of demonic looking crows materialized itself over Negi, swarming him from all directions.

Takane lifted a hand high. "It's over! Itoshiki-sensei wins this combat!"

The pale and scrawny man gasped and panted loudly, dispersing the crows into nothingness with another clap. Negi sat up coughing, rubbing feathers off his mouth, as said feathers became black dust in the air. "Sen… Sensei! If you could do all that, why didn't you do it in the fight against Evangeline-san?"

"I used a stronger variation of the shadow tendril that snared you to bind her, remember?" Despair told him, fixing his hakama. "And you saw how well it turned. Employing dark magic against Evangeline-san is like trying to drown an ocean. Besides, I was scared out of my wits against her," he admitted, not making much out of it.

"Five minutes of rest," Takane told Negi. "Then, I'll be your next opponent."

Negi looked up at her before nodding, trying to regain his shaken resolve after the defeat.

Erebus came to his side, patting his back. "Don't worry. He has years of experience over you. You did fairly well, all things considered."

"Thanks," the younger Springfield nodded, helping himself a glass of cold water from a thermos to feel better. Ai had nervously raced at Itoshiki's side, complimenting him clumsily and offering him a hand towel to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

"Are… Are you okay, Sensei? Sorry about intruding in your personal matters, but—"

He breathed in and out, nodding erratically. "Yes, I'm okay, Kaga-san, thanks for asking. That's what makes me feel so strange. I hadn't been allowed a moment of superiority over anyone in years! That almost alien by now feeling confuses and even infuriates me! How can it be? How can someone as lowly as myself be allowed this after so much suffering and pointless distress? Why?"

Takane slapped him across the head. "You're only making him feel worse!"

Erebus blinked. "… Is he sad because he won?"

Negi shrugged. "I think he hasn't quite grasped the concept of a victory yet, for some reason…"

….

** Triangle. **

They had reached a narrow and weak looking rope bridge hanging over a gigantic abyss. There was no other apparent way to reach the other side, and the three girls could only see a tiny river of running rapidly along the bottom of the abyss, surrounded by shadows and thorny bushes.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Chisame swallowed, looking down as she uttered the traditional warning of all explorer geeks everywhere.

Satomi pulled a small round device out of one of her pockets, pointing it in all directions. "The nearest point of contact between both sides of this breach seems to be at two hours distant. I don't quite believe we will be able to meet the scheduled deadline if we don't cross this particular bridge."

"You gotta be joking," Chisame cringed. "No, I forgot who I was talking to. Fine. Test of courage, right? Gotta be that. I can do it. Yeah." Trembling, she put her hands on the ropes, taking an experimental step onto it. "Piece of cake. I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I'm not— YOW!" she yelped as she felt Matoi nearly clinging to her back. "T-Tsunetsuki! You don't have to come! You aren't supposed to be put through this test…"

The stalker shook her head stubbornly. "I'll follow you anywhere without ever hesitating, Chisame-sama."

Hasegawa gritted her teeth. "But your weight could be too much for this thing…"

Hakase made an analytical hum while softly tugging on the ropes twice. "I'm rather sure it'll withstand our combined weight. According to my calculations—"

"Spare me your calculations," Chisame scoffed, giving another stiff step ahead. And another one. "Why oh why do we have to do this for the brat?"

"Because we love him?" Matoi asked candidly.

Satomi and Chisame looked at her with stupefied gazes.

"What? My heart is wide," she shrugged, not making much of it as she followed Chisame's cue without a second thought. "Listen, we can stay here wasting time debating with different levels of denial, or we can actually try for him and move before we run out of time. I'll be fine with whatever Chisame-sama chooses, but—"

Chisame fumed, face red, as she all but stomped ahead. "You're impossible!"

Matoi made a tiny smile as she walked behind her. "That's what I like best about you."

"What? How I blow you out?"

There was a blunt, stunned pause before Chisame finally realized," Okay, maybe I chose the wrong words there…"

"Tease," Matoi whispered before shaking her head. "No, what I love the best about you is what you hide behind that."

"Nonsense! I don't hide anything!"

Hakase felt compelled to cough, walking at the back of the group.

"What was that about?" Chisame snarled.

"Nothing, Chiu," Satomi looked aside innocently. Chisame noted with annoyance that this was infinitely more subtlety and sarcasm than the mad scientist would once have been capable of.

"… Chiu?" Matoi blinked, shifting dangerous eyes over to Hakase. "Is that an AFFECTIONATE, ENDEARING PERSONAL TERM…?"

It was Hakase's turn to shrug. "Chisame and I have been roommates for a long time now. There is nothing we don't know about each other…"

Matoi began to seethe. "So, you share everything, huh…?"

Satomi made a small smile and nodded.

Tsunetsuki saw red, turning her face back to an unusually quiet Chisame. "CHISAME-SAMA! TELL US, WHO DO YOU FAVOR AS YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE?-! THIS AIRHEAD-DATING TWO TIMING JEZEBEL, OR ME?-!"

Chisame gasped. "Asakura!"

Both the other girls jolted back in shock. "EHHHH?-! ASAKURA RYOKO-SAN?-!"

"A-Asakura Kazumi!" Chisame stuttered.

The eyes of Matoi and Hakase became almost microscopic black dots.

"I mean- I mean, she's right there, you idiots!" Chisame angrily pointed to the bridge's other end.

And sure enough, there stood Asakura Kazumi, smiling a bit mechanically, in a French maid outfit and holding a large knife in her hand, pressing it against the ropes, as if about to actually cut them…

….

** Misora vs. Setsuna, Round Two. **

"Very well," Setsuna held up a hand, gesturing for Misora to stop. "This will be enough in that regard for now. Now we will be testing you in another area of your potential and capabilities."

"Sure thing," the sister in trained nodded. "But what, exactly?"

Setsuna approached her, grabbing her by a wrist and flexing that arm up and down analytically. "I suppose you are already aware you cannot throw punches at superspeed without risking massive damage to your arms' bone structure without knowing what you're doing. If you tried to do that, you would snap your arm in half long before doing any damage to your enemy."

"Yeah, I know that," Kasuga answered. "Don't worry, I won't ever be stupid enough as to try it!"

"That's not the fighting spirit you should have!" Setsuna all but shouted suddenly, her voice stern. "If you know you can't do something, you shouldn't tell yourself 'I'll never do it', but 'I'll find a way to do it'!"

"But— But you just said…!"

"I said you can't do it yet, not that it's impossible to do!" the older student said. "Back in our world, there are several beings with superhuman speed who use that gift in unarmed combat! And I'm rather sure you could eventually do it, as well!"

Kasuga frowned. "Does your Misora do it, too?"

"No, but I've never trained her!" Sakurazaki replied. "Listen, I respect our Misora's decisions to slump in her training and take short cuts at each possible turn, but this is about you, not her! You have been placed under my responsibility, and you have agreed on it, so forget everything about your other self! This is about you, and about what you want for yourself!"

Then a brief treacherous thought caressed the back of Misora's mind, teasingly.

_Negi-kun._

"Alright," the pseudo-nun nodded, showing more resolve now. "But how can you teach me that? You are a sword master, not a boxer. Maybe I should ask that Barahime girl from Class 1-A…"

"While unarmed combat is not my strongest area, all Shinmeiryuu trainees receive hand to hand training during our appenticeship," Setsuna replied. "Since you are a beginner, I'll suffice. I will teach you the basics of properly throwing a punch. As I understand it, there is a special technique to throwing punches at superspeed. Negi-sensei would know more, as he is the one who regularly fights at those speeds."

Misora still wasn't buying it. "I don't know, your arms are almost as skinny as mine…"

"Not all the means to strengthen your body lie with muscle augmentation," Sakurazaki argued. "Although keeping a good baseline physical condition is still a must in any case. Touch here," she rolled a sleeve up, offering her right biceps to Misora. The short haired student blinked, feeling it up and noticing it was as if she had thin but steely fibers of surprising tightness under that soft, pale skin. She was so fascinated by the sensation, she didn't notice she had spent far too long touching Setsuna until, from the sidelines, Konoka and Cocone made discreet rasping sounds. She let the arm go, blushing.

Apparently, however, Setsuna hadn't noticed their discomfort at all. "Well? Are you convinced now?"

Misora still looked for excuses, scratching the back of her head. "Well, I don't deny you're in great shape, but—"

"Observe," Setsuna sighed, turning around towards a huge boulder sprouting from the ground. She drew an extremely long breath, closed her eyes channeling her chi into a single point in her right hand, and slammed her fist into the rock, breaking it apart with a single strike.

Misora's eyes bounced off her head.

"Waiiii, Set-chan!" Konoka clapped. "Not as impressive as Ku-chan's bare handed hits, but still so cool…!"

Setsuna smiled and blushed charmingly, twirling around back to Misora before regaining a dead serious face. "How about now?"

Misora nodded sheepishly. "Just don't punch me."

Sakurazaki shook her head. "Not yet. First, I want *you* to punch me."

"What?-!" Kasuga gasped. "No!"

"Only once. In the face," Setsuna held her chin up. "I won't retaliate or block. I want to see your best, so don't hold back. Try as hard as you can."

"But… But I might…"

Setsuna gave her _that_ stare. "Kasuga-san, I'm sure you have *nothing* that can cause me any serious harm." She wasn't boasting, just stating a cold hard fact. "Don't be afraid. Do it."

Misora blinked, looked at Konoka and Cocone, and twitched when she saw them both give her a thumbs-up. Her face twitched some more before she inwardly shrugged, trying to imagine Evangeline's head on Setsuna's neck. Or maybe Misa's face. Or both at once. Yeah, that was better.

So she drew her right fist back, put as much force behind it as she could, and swung.

WHACK!

" ** _ARGH!-! I think you broke my hand!_** " The speedster pulled back her fist, rubbing her knuckles frantically. "That… It was like punching a wall of steel! What kind of person are you?-!"

"Wow…" Konoka said. "That's the first time I've ever really seen someone break their hand on someone's face…"

Setsuna seemed to barely register the hit. "Oh, don't overreact so much," she said. "As expected, it wasn't much, but we'll work on it. I want you to buy yourself a sand bag and practice every night, at least half an hour, until I deem you fit for the next step into your bare hand combat training." A pause. "Which would be the first actual step, actually."

Misora's face distorted. "That's all?"

Setsuna lifted her fists up. "Well, if you want, we can follow up with a practice fistfight instead…"

"No! No! I'm alright with the idea of getting stronger first!" Kasuga waved her hands, then blinked. "Hey, but if you are sent back home soon, who will keep on training me? Eva herself? No, thanks!"

"Just ask the local Set-chan to help you!" Konoka suggested. "I'm sure she won't mind!"

"Our Setsuna doesn't know about magic," Misora replied.

Konoka and Setsuna looked at each other and smiled.

"Ah?" Misora said.

"Nothing," Sakurazaki rasped, going back into stern mode. "Then, now we'll have to try new venues you could adapt your speed to. Perhaps sabotage suits you better. But you'd be better asking Mana on regard to that field—"

"Set-chan," Konoka said.

"Yes, Ojou-sama?"

Her precious princess smiled saintly, picking two branches from the ground and holding them like scrima sticks, handling them clumsily like she once had watched in an American action movie on TV. "How about this?"

Setsuna smiled back, widely. "Ah, Ojou-sama, you are as inshgtful as ever…!"

"Silly Setchan, just call me Kono-chan! We're friends, after all!"

Misora looked back and forth between the sticks and Konoka. She wasn't sure what disturbed her more, the idea of hitting dangerous people with those things, or seeing Setsuna, the third biggest Ice Queen in all the class after Eva and Mana, being so sweetly devoted to another girl…

….

** The Cheerleader and the Valkyrie. **

Sakurako waited in mute puzzlement and controlled eagerness as Yue moved before her, almost like a snall owl setting down on a branch. Then Ayase's cold, impassive eyes looked up at her, and Shiina had to gulp down a bit.

"Relax," Yue asked. "I'm not going to sexually harass you, traumatize you, hit you or mock your worth. I'm not that kind of person, and you should know it. I want to help you. So we'll start with something easy. Let's check your Artifact's limits and possibilities in depth…" she summoned her book, reading through it and making a typical tiny Yue scowl. "Hm. No good. My book's data depends on our world's magical system, and while it is mostly identical to yours, it doesn't recognize your Artifact. There is a brief segment on cheerleading artifacts, but it doesn't quite match your Artifact's description…"

Nodoka made a small concerned sound as Yue rubbed her chin, finally speaking again with a suggestion for Sakurako. "Shiina-san, please use your Artifact upon me, and try to concentrate on the book and yourself while you do so."

"Ah… Okay!" Sakurako nodded and made a small cheering routine for Yue, waving the pom-poms in her direction. "Yue, Yue, give her her due! Or she'll turn you black and blue!"

Haruna groaned. "I hope you usually have Madoka write your cheers for you…"

Ayase's eyes glinted, and she made a diminutive smile, running a finger over a page. "Eureka. Stroke of luck. My book has randomly connected your Magi system, and here it is… Shiina-san, your Artifacts are, indeed, baseline small scale reality warpers powered by random hexes of probability altering your environment. Your magic takes a mental pattern you have at any moment of how to help your ally or inconvenience your adversary according to what you think it's for the best in each case. Then it duplicates it in reality, but the effect is short lived, lasting only five minutes in each case. If you increased your magical capacities, either through training or, perhaps, through a Permanent Pactio, the time limit would increase according to your augmented magical output."

Sakurako nodded, thinking she more or less understood it. Thank God she had been trying to increase her vocabulary lately for Satomi-chan's sake. All those nights up reading dictionaries while Madoka gave her weird looks were finally paying off.

"The principle seems to be basically similar, not in causes but in effects, to that of Zatanna Zatara's magic, only with a shorter duration time," Yue continued. "Now, don't start thinking it could do anything you wanted to. Here it says, since it is an artifact born out of positive energy, it can't be used to deal potentially fatal damage. Since it works based on your mind, if your mind, even subconsciously, recognizes it is *wrong* to do something, it will automatically block the magic's flow. I assume that is a safety measure placed on the Artifact to prevent its misuse."

Haruna rolled her eyes. "Nothing wrong with a bit of innocent _Artifact Abuse_ now and then…"

Yue ignored her and closed the book. "Okay. This actually plays nicely with what I had planned to do with you."

"Ah!" Sakurako cooed. "Will you teach me how to be a brave Valkyrie warrior like you, Yue-chan?-!"

And Yue shook her head. "That's impossible to do in only three days. You'd have to enroll Ariadne and try to pass the entrance tests. We will be trying a test of a different variety…"

She dug into her bag and dumped a huge pile of papers on Sakurako's hands. "Pop theory quiz time. You have one hour to answer all the questions posed in those sheets, dealing with personal ethics, civility and responsibility, your general cultural level, what would you do in any situation of danger, and other areas you will need to master on its due time. After you're done with that, and if I deem you competent enough from your results, we will pass to practice."

Sakurako nodded dumbly.

"And to prevent your luck from helping you too much," Yue cautioned," there are no multiple choice or Yes-Or-No questions. You'll have to justify and explain all your answers. Now start working."

Sakurako wilted. "Yue-chan, you're evil," she moaned, sat down and pulled out a pen, beginning to check the questions…

Haruna hummed. "You know, for someone who hates quizzes so much, you sure did an extensive job preparing that one…"

"Actually, I took an elementary school test from Ariadne," Yue admitted in a whisper. "Collette aced it when she was only seven, and—"

Sakurako already was tugging on her hair. "Wahh! What is this supposed to mean?-!"

Yue rubbed her huge forehead with two fingers. "Haruna, could you please draw me an aspirin."

Haruna raised an eyebrow but began to scribble. "You realize this is going to be just a placebo with absolutely no chemical value whatsoever, right?" she said as she finished scribbling the pill into existence.

"I don't care," Yue said. "My body needs to think I'm doing something for it."

Haruna chuckled lewdly. "Well, if you really want that…"

"HARUNA!"

….

** Why, Hello there, Kazumi. **

After a span of initial shock and terror, Chisame managed to muster enough courage to talk again.

"You… You aren't Asakura Kazumi, aren't you?"

Asakura tilted her head aside. "Don't I look like Asakura Kazumi?"

"Your motions are subtly yet distinctively mechanical, and you present no signs of breathing," Hakase intervened, adjusting her glasses. "That rules out the possibility of your being a mind controlled slave."

"And besides, no way Eva would bring the real you here, hypnotized or not. Too risky for the terms of her agreement with the Dean," Chisame added, daring to give another step ahead.

Kazumi smirked. "What make you think you know Evangeline-sama that well?"

Chisame breathed deeply. "I know she's smart. That's enough for me to know she wouldn't risk bringing a snoop like you here."

Kazumi toyed with the knife. "She would trust her awesome powers of control over weak minds, don't you think?"

Hakase shrugged. "Well, if Kaga-sempai broke free from it…"

Kazumi's face suddenly twitched in an angry gesture.

"I knew it!" Chisame said. "That's you talking through that doll, right, Eva?"

"You haven't earned the right to address Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell under those terms, Hasegawa Chisame," the redhead warned tensely. "Think about it; at any moment now, I could cut this bridge down before you could reach me."

"You don't kill women or children, Evangeline," Chisame gulped. Another small step ahead.

Kazumi's smirk returned. "Who is saying Evangeline would kill you? It's just me, your dear classmate Kazumi-chan… Now go back immediately, if you value your life."

Hasegawa sweated bucketfuls of ice. "This is all part of the test too, isn't it? You can to scare us back, but if we do that, we'll never complete this test in time. You don't want to present us with a fully impossible challenge so soon. No, you'll want to keep on torturing us with this kind of choices until the very end…" She kept on walking.

Kazumi laughed heartlessly, her laughter mechanical but clearly evil. "So! You would bet your life on that, just for the Boya's sake! But tell me, Hasegawa Chisame…" she hissed. "Would you be willing to risk your friends' lives as well…?"

The hacker blinked and took a pause, only broken when she said, reluctantly. "Hakase… go back and wait there. I'm reasonably sure it's okay if only one of us completes this trial. You too, Tsunetsuki, since you aren't even—"

Then she noticed someone's absence and gawked. "Wh-Where's Tsunetsuki?-!"

There was no one between herself and Satomi now.

Hakase pointed sheepishly at the other end of the abyss. "She clung down to the underpart of the bridge and… made her own way there, I assume…"

"WHAT?-!" Chisame yelled, her eyes bulging out as she saw Tsunetsuki standing behind Asakura now, pressing a knife of her own against her throat. "TSUNETSUKI! SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL!-!-!"

Matoi smiled sweetly. "It's okay, Chisame-sama! I dated a ninja for a while. I'm no Nagase-san, but I still can get the job done…"

Chisame sputtered a few times. "And-And why were you carrying that huge knife around?-!"

Matoi's eyes went fully Yandere for a moment. "Oh, a knife is always useful when pursuing True Love… Plus, it pays to be armed if you run into dangerous perverts while following your loved ones through the cold, dark nights…"

"You're the most dangerous pervert I know!" Chisame screamed. "At least Haruna doesn't carry butcher knives on her!"

"That we know of," Hakase pointed out.

Chisame thought about it and decided to stay away from Haruna for a while.

"All is fair in love and war," Tsunetsuki giggled madly, pressing the knife against Kazumi's synthetic flesh. "Now, you witch, drop that inferior knife and step aside…"

"Heh," Without missing a beat, Kazumi back punched Matoi off herself and into the mud. "Impressive, madwoman. Crude, stupid and arrogant, but at the very least, you do have guts…"

Chisame all but stomped ahead now. "Get your hands off the wacko, you… you doll!"

"Ah-ah!" Kazumi gestured with the knife again. "Are you as gone off the deep end as her? Aren't you afraid?"

Chisame gulped, making a momentary stop. "Of course I'm scared out of my wits, you abusive doll! But if I get back now, I'll lose Tsunetsuki here forever, and… and no one will ever forgive me that! And like I said, I still don't think you're going to kill me!" She forced herself to continue.

"Chisame-sama…" Matoi whispered from the ground, her mouth bleeding a single thin line of red.

Asakura laughed again, played with the knife, made a gesture of striking with it, and sank it down… into the dirt at her feet. Crossing her arms, she waited until Chisame had crossed the bridge, with Satomi following seconds after.

"Oh, Chisame-sama, you really love me!" Matoi threw herself into the meganekko's arms.

Chisame grunted. "You're asking for another punch, aren't you?"

Asakura huffed and turned around, walking away while gesturing for the others to follow. "This way. Your training is far from over, cretins."

….

** Negi vs. Takane. **

Negi breathed in and out as he stepped back into the designated fighting area, holding his staff tightly as Takane also walked in with a confident smile.

"I remind you both of the terms for the fight," Itoshiki said. "There is no time limit, and victory will be reached through temporary incapacitation to at least a count of ten, forcing a surrender, or a decision of this most pathetic yet fair arbiter. I trust you will not go overboard with this, Takane-kun?"

The blonde huffed. "Please, Sensei! You know you can trust my better judgment!"

"…. Of course," Itoshiki said after an abnormally long and dubious pause. "Well then, whenever you're ready! Which should be just right now! GO!" He swung a hand down.

Negi dashed aside for cover, preparing an opening salvo as he ran. _"Sagitta Magica, Una Lucis!"_

Racing in the opposite direction even faster, and dodging the light attack with a surprising twist of feet, Takane raised her hands up, smirking while her blue eyes glinted dangerously. "Your poor little boy! Opening with such a weak attack could cost you your life in battle! You need to open strong, finishing your enemy as soon as you can! _Nocturna Nigredinis!_ "

Ai could have sworn she felt the air humming and growing thicker and heavier, almost unbreathable, as very quickly, a giant mass of deep shadows took form above and around Takane, coming together to create the fearsome figure of a gigantic humanoid wrapped in black, a hood obscuring a face masked in ghostly stark white. The 3-F student felt literal horror then, seeing that being with impossibly long arms and twisting thin tendrils coming out of everywhere coming into existence around the blonde, shielding her with its oversized hands.

"M-My God! I've seen things like that in Harumi-chan's manga!" she gasped.

"I've seen better," Chamo indifferently puffed his cigarette.

Erebus sighed, homesick all of a sudden, reminded of Hayate and Sakura's own _Nocturna Nigredinis_ …

"Always a believer on starting strong, no, Takane-kun?" asked Itoshiki.

"Ho ho! Whoever starts strong, finishes strong!" Goodman extended a hand forward, and as if following her cue, the creature shot its tendrils towards Negi, forcing him to jump back quickly, almost stumbling.

As soon as he had barely regained footing, Takane jumped after him, the shadow golem mimicking her motions, throwing a punch along with her. Negi avoided that one right in time, but then the girl swung her other fist, and so did the being, hitting Negi in the stomach and sending him a few feet back, making him gasp for air and to hold his lunch down. Erebus frowned thoughtfully, being strongly reminded of a similar scene in his own life…

Itoshiki rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "Too powerful a technique to use against a beginner, but Takane-kun rarely minces efforts when she believes she should punish someone or show her own value. She is scarily like Kitsu-san in that regard…"

Chamo gasped time and time again while the shadow golem walloped Negi across the battlefield.

"Oh, no!" he shrilled. "Stop this brutality! This Nee-chan plays dirty! She's going to break my Bro! Don't dare shatter his family jewels, cruel but sexy harpy! Hmmm, then again, such a powerful Sis would make a great Pactio partner…"

Ai gave him a brief dubious look. "Sorry for even asking, but d-do you ever think of anything but people kissing each other…?"

"Yes, but I'll tell you about the rest when you're legal."

Ai accidentally moved her shoulder so Chamo fell to the ground.

Accidentally. Really!

"S-So-Sorry, Chamo-san!"

"It's okay, Ai-Nee, I didn't even— AGGHH!"

"Oh my! And now my foot accidentally slammed itself on you! Sorry, so sorry, please forgive me!"

Meanwhile, Negi had resorted to blocking with his staff as the hits kept coming his way, gaining a better defense as he began to read the patterns in Takane's motions. The golem did everything she did first, so it actually paid better not to be distracted by the awe inspiring dark giant and keep his eyes on her instead. Not like doing that was unpleasant either way, for some vague reason he couldn't put his finger on…

The back of his neck itched again.

Erebus hummed with some concern. At the point he had first fought the Takane he knew himself, he already had learned martial arts from Ku Fei, and he had a very hard time dealing with her at first. Surely, his other self, who didn't have the luxury of such a previous training, would be much harder pressed for a victory chance. He was strictly defensive now; all his long range spells were easily countered by the shadow extensions, and he lacked the honed speed needed to get in range and strike directly. Not that it would help him either; the Shadow Armor would just cancel any hit he could connect. Unless he could figure out the same thing Erebus had before she brought him down, she had the match won.

"Ho ho ho! The Apostle of Justice demands punishment for those who break our rules! You're just as careless in the battle field as you were with your secret, Sensei! Maybe you should just head back home and settle with fortune telling!" the blonde taunted, launching a rapid parry of punches Negi had to stop with a few well placed _Deflexios_.

Negi clenched his teeth, his sore spot touched. "I'll never…!" He launched himself ahead, jumping over one tendril reaching for him and striking with his staff, "… stop fighting for—!" Then he had the air knocked out of him as a gigantic fist punched him in the stomach, sending him flying back.

"Fighting for what, little boy?" Takane snorted, pausing for only a moment, her breath puffing. The effort seemed to be finally getting to her as well now. Why wouldn't that annoying pup just stay down?

"Not for what… For who!" Negi wheezed, working back to his feet, his annoyance bubbling now. "As long as I know that person waits for me at the end of the road, I'll never stray from it!"

Takane smiled. "Ah. I see. Your father, naturally. Who else could it be?"

Negi shot a grim determined stare at her.

Goodman shifted around, focusing her power as the shadow golem seemed to grow around her. "Show me you're really that fabled man's son. Show me you really can go the distance, and I'll help you achieve that dream like Sensei wants me to. But somehow, I don't think you're deserving that much."

"If I'm not yet, I will be," he promised, almost with a growl, and charged ahead again.

He'd just had an idea.

"What a foolish child," Takane sneered, gesturing with her arms so her shadow puppet swung a thick tentacle of darkness towards Negi's mid-section. The boy maneuvered around it somehow, then pulled a few tiny bottles of explosive formulas out of a sleeve and tossed them at the golem's head. Takane swatted them aside easily, but that distracted her long enough for Negi to throw his staff in an arc behind the monster's head, missing it by a figurative mile. "Hah!" the high school student laughed. "What a disgrace! Don't tell me those paltry skills actually helped you against the Mistress of Puppets!"

"Mea Virga," Negi said flatly, recalling the staff in a straight line back to his hand. Right when it was flying exactly behind the golem's head. Instead of flying directly through the summon's skull as intended, however, the staff bounced off it, spiralling down to the ground much to his shock.

"Oh?" Goodman actually blinked before her lips curved up in a malicious smile. "Ho, ho! Congratulations, Sensei! That was actually quite an unexpected and gutsy move! However, you haven't quite understood the way this summon spell works. It blocks and deflects all kinds of attacks, both magical and physical ones, protecting the user as an impregnable barrier! To break through it, you'd need power far beyond your wildest imaginations!"

"I see," Negi nodded, frowning, grabbing his staff back. Already, the cogs inside his head worked frantically, remembering what he had heard on Shadow Magic before, figuring a solution out. Unfortunately, Takane did not stay still and quickly followed with an overwhelming volley of shadow projectiles from all sides, shaking him back and forth, making him yell.

"N-Negi-sensei!" Ai gulped.

"Bro…!" Chamo cried.

Itoshiki polished his glasses. "Such stock, cliched reactions… Honestly, this author's lack of imagination drives me into despair."

"I don't want to actually hurt you!" Takane said during a brief pause. "Admit defeat and I'll let you go!"

Negi grunted, forcing himself back to his feet. "No."

Erebus scowled a little, feeling something odd in him now. Itoshiki also seemed somewhat troubled… honestly troubled and puzzled, not drama-king acting… at that moment.

The child panted and hissed, his fingers tapping on the staff. "Remember your promise," he mumbled, and for that single moment, his voice seemed eerily ominous.

Takane's brow furrowed. "Ah?"

"HELP ME FIND HIM!" he screamed, dashing ahead again, making Itoshiki and Chamo to facepalm. Erebus, however, looked more thoughtful than disappointed. His younger self, while obviously ensnared by his emotions… or something else… somehow gave him the impression of acting with a plan in mind.

"Oh, for the love of God!" Takane snorted, slamming her hands together, and as the golem mimicked it, it created a huge burst of air that almost knocked the boy back. "Are you honestly this stupid? Haven't you learned anything from what just happened? I'm appalled! I don't understand how you could last two seconds against Evangeline!"

Forcing himself forward, shooting several incoming tendrils with Sagitta Magicas, Negi took a very deep breath before just jumping ahead straight for Takane. The older girl sneered, crossing the construct's mighty arms before herself as a shield, waiting for the foolish kid's inevitable bounce away and fall. But instead, his outreaching arm passed through the barrier.

Wait, what?

And he said, in a whisper, _"Aer Aer Amplificet Mammas."_

Takane's eyes became huge circles. "… Ah?"

Itoshiki's jaw hung. "No. Way!"

Erebus hummed. Strange but interesting choice…

Chamo bit his furry lower lip. "Bro…! You're starting to **realize** …!"

Ai seemed lost. "Realize what?"

Then she saw Takane's chest giving a sudden, abrupt jerking from inside. "Oh, no," the blonde eeped.

Negi fell to his feet before her, giving a step back.

"Oh, little vermin, I'm going to…" Takane began as her breasts suddenly swelled up in a single burst, making Ai gasp, "… hurt you, and _bad_ …" she promised, shuddering as the Shadow Armor fabric around her chest tightened painfully, gaining a small rip in the front.

"Is that what I think—" Nozomu trailed off.

Erebus nodded. "The Shadow protection is virtually invulnerable to all attacks from the outside, but it has two major flaws. It doesn't stop anything that isn't technically an attack, and it wasn't designed to release pressure from the inside of the armor. He exploited both weaknesses at once."

Itoshiki put a hand on his mouth. "… Fiendish."

"Dammit, dammit, no, just no!" Takane threw her head back and yelled, tightening her fists as her breasts shot themselves up to a ridiculous size, the rip across the front becoming larger and larger…

Giving an opening.

Negi sighed, gaining more control over himself before turning around, covering his eyes before waving a hand in Takane's direction. "Flans Exarmatio."

Takane could only yelp as the spell made its way through the rip in her Shadow Armor, then exploded and pulverized it from the inside, along with her shadow summon, in the blink of an eye, reducing them to tiny petals of darkness dispersing themselves in the air.

Itoshiki and Erebus had already covered their eyes, backing away very quickly. Ai looked on with a stunned face, too weirded out to even find a way to somehow blame herself over it as usual. Chamo only drooled.

Negi, fully back to normal now, only fidgeted in place nervously, his back turned on Takane, his face bright red. "Um, sorry about that, Goodman-san. I, I just was looking for a way to win, and I couldn't think of anything else, and I guess I lost my head, and… Ehhh… Are your… Is your body back to normal now?"

"… Yes," he could hear Takane's voice hissing icily.

Negi breathed easier. "Oh, that's such a relief to—!"

Then he felt the girl's hands going around to his neck to start strangling him.

….

** Interlude: Uranus and Neptune, Part Three. **

"Hey, this is actually a lot like my dates with Mistah Jay," the talkative blonde loon laughed, as she was dragged along the halls of Arkham by the redhead in the dark bikini with microskirt. She had her hands restrained by a pair of gigantic, toy-looking, but horribly strong cuffs. Better than anything the GCPD ever carried around, that was for sure. "And hey, whaddya do to the guards?" She kicked at the head of one of them as they passed next to him, giggling as the downed man made a few incoherent sounds. "And can you get me some?"

"They are dreaming their worst nightmares right now, through the lemurs attached to their faces," Ves Ves explained calmly.

Harley winced. "On second thought, I'll pass. I had enough of that jazz that time I agreed to help Prof Crane with his experiments. Hey, I didn't agree to it, now that I remember! That man owes me! Get me a lawyer! Get me Dent! And a bubble bath! But not all at once. Puddin' would suspect!" She kicked around.

Ves Ves sighed. "I'll never complain about Palla Palla again."

A few doors later, Cere Cere joined her, also dragging a still drugged, confused Poison Ivy down. "Any problems on your side?" Harley's kidnapper asked.

"Everything went like silk until I tried to make her react," Cere Cere exhaled sadly. "The physicians here have, in crude terms, drugged her to the eyeballs."

"A better life through chemistry…!" Harley cheered, then bonked her head against Ivy's, as they were dragged together now. "Knock knock, Red! Knock knock! Hey, you're supposed to ask who's there!"

"Is she drugged too?" Cere Cere pouted.

"No, she's like this all the time, apparently," Ves Ves replied.

"For the love of Queen Neherenia!" the pink haired girl gasped. "I'll never complain about Palla Palla again!"

Harley looked up at them, with curious baby blue eyes. "Hey, you sisters?"

"Yes," Cere Cere nodded.

"The Decadent Habits type?" the blonde asked again.

"None of your business," Ves Ves grumbled.

"Oh, so you are!" Harley assumed.

"No, we aren't!" Cere Cere shouted indignantly.

Ves Ves coughed, frowning a bit.

"That time doesn't count!" Cere Cere now snapped at her. "I stayed mostly out of it!"

"I remember it differently!" Ves Ves shot back.

"No wonder! Your mind must play tricks on you just to convince you you ever had a worthy lover!"

"You? Hah! Jun Jun was a better lay than you!"

"Hah hah! Well, Palla Palla is much better than you at giving hea—"

"Now I'm sorry I asked…" Harley mused.

Ivy stared widely into the nothingness. "The Green calls to me… I can smell its spores, singing to me… They want me to help _her_ …"

"Red, I hate breakin' the news ta ya, but I don't think we're in much of a shape to help even ourselves," Quinn said before asking the bickering sisters, "Hey, Juliet and Juliet, this is an elaborate escape attempt, righto?"

"If you can survive it!" they barked at her at the same time, angry to have their discussion interrupted.

"Sheesh, just sayin', since ya know, not to rain on our parade, but even if you disabled all the guards and docs in the building, the automatic security system will send an alarm signal to the cops and we'll have the nuthouse swarming with coppers and the Bat in minutes. Trust me! I used to be part of the staff!"

"We know!" Cere Cere huffed. "Don't worry about that. Our sister Palla Palla sabotaged those systems as well."

Harley chuckled. "How? Did she give them head?"

"Don't push your luck," Ves Ves warned.

And then, both inmates were brought to the front doors of the building and pushed out into the garden. Ivy stumbled ahead and fell facefirst into the grass, actually smiling as her skin touched the fresh ground.

Harley looked up. "So, where's the chopper?"

"There will be no helicopters," Cere Cere explained.

Harley blinked. "Flying saucer, then? Boom Tube? Slow moving flying headquarters of the Legion of Doom? A magic carpet?"

Ves Ves lifted an eyebrow. "Magic carpet?"

"Hey, asked by the woman who looks like an _I Dream of Jeannie_ reject!" Harley protested.

"Heh. Cute, very cute," Ves Ves smiled, shaking her head before pushing Harley back. "To be honest, you'll be escaping through your own means. Well, that, or dying."

"I think I'll take Door Number One, thanks," the blonde snapped.

"Good selection, but first let's see if you've got the key!" the redhead laughed, cracking her whip down on her own shadow. A tall, monstruous looking woman with strongly frog-like features emerged from the shadow then, looming ominously over Quinn and the still spaced out Isley. She kinda looked like Dolores Umbridge.

"Okay, this is the fourth strangest thing I've ever seen in my life," Harley gulped.

Ves Ves' smile grew crueler. "Manifest yourselves, Sailor Senshi, and defeat my loyal Lemur Kerokero… or you'll die here, alone and unmourned! But don't think it's like I'm pressuring you or anything, of course…"

….

** Sakurako vs. Yue, Part One: **

Finally, Sakurako dared to speak the question plaguing her inside.

"Well, how did I do?"

Yue made a tiny, troubled and thoughtful sound for a few long moments, before her cold eyes rose up to meet Sakurako's shiny round ones.

"Technically, I can't say there is anything wrong with most of your answers," she said, folding the test and setting it down. "They are acceptable for the most part, even if the presentation could be much better. You have a good, solid ethical base, other than your underlying tendency to go with the least needed effort. But still, when you really feel like it, you can have a commendable working mindset."

Shiina sounded completely serious as she said, "Cheerleading demands a lot of continued effort, you know. Our trainer told us that all the time. It may look silly, but if you don't put your heart into it, you'll never succeed at it!"

Yue half-smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. However, despite everything, I can't help having this feeling... You still basically guessed your way through the questions, didn't you?"

Sakurako looked guilty for a moment before saying, "I basically asked myself 'What would Yue-san answer?'. Then I tried to write that down."

Yue looked honestly dumbfounded for a second.

Haruna chuckled. "Always the role model, Yuecchi!"

Coughing uncomfortably, Ayase shook her head. "Flattery won't help you here."

"I'm not flattery!" Sakurako said with blunt honesty.

"In a way, that's still reasoning and application of logic, Yue," Nodoka intervened. "Knowing you are a remarkable example in your field, she analyzed you, and tried to emulate you. While it's best for her to find her own style, it's still praiseworthy to see her adapting according to the perceived needs of the situation at hand."

"Um, yeah, what she said," the lacross player nodded, although she had not understood more than half of it.

Yue exhaled cutely. "I'm still not convinced. Regardless, we'll continue working on that tomorrow. For now, you've earned the right to perform a practical test against me," she said, securing her helmet onto her face.

Sakurako gulped. "Sure. So we'll fight, huh? P-Please go easy on me. It's my first time, and you've so much experience..."

"We aren't going to actually fight face to face, unless you actually fail in your goal," Yue began, calmly. "Once again, I remind you of your support position. It's pointless to orient you on how to be a frontline fighter. Instead, we'll be training you in protecting and aiding your Magister from afar. Haruna?"

"Aye Aye, Cap'n!" Paru chuckled, her magical fingers quickly working on her Artifact, and a moment later, a perfect copy of Negi came into being before them. Nodoka's eyes shone brightly.

"Waiiii!" Sakurako gushed. "How cool...!"

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield!" the Negi golem greeted happily.

"Shiina-san," Yue coughed. "Your mission will be escorting this duplicate to the other end of this field. He's got the most basical skills of Negi-sensei, but logically, he's still going to need help surviving against an experienced, sapient adversary. I'll try to strike him down all along the way, and you'll have to help him stay 'alive' until the end."

Sakurako blinked, horrified. "You're going to try and **kill** him?-!"

"He isn't alive at all to begin with..." Yue said before shooting Haruna a glare. "However, I'd have liked it better if you had given the golem another appearance, Haruna."

Paru laughed. "We needed something to make you hold back through the test, Yue! Otherwise, you'd own the poor girl too soon!"

"Nonsense," Ayase disagreed. "This won't alter my performance at all. Still, I'd prefer having someone else's visage as a target..."

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield!" the fake Negi repeated. It was clear Haruna hadn't bothered with giving this one much in the way of brains.

"If you feel you can't do it, I can—" Haruna began.

"NO!" Nodoka and Yue said at once. Since neither of them was too fond of the image of Negi being anally raped by tentacled monstrosities, to say the least.

Yue sighed, assuming a starting position. "We'll be giving you two a five minute head start. Move fast, because as soon as tiem is up, I'll go after you aiming to incapacitate the golem. Shiina-san, when that happens, I want you to try everything you can to keep the construct safe to the end of your path. Understood?"

"Yeah!" the cheerleader nodded firmly.

"Well, then!" Haruna clapped. "It's starting now! On your marks, ready, GO!"

"Good luck, Shiina-san!" Nodoka wished her, sincerely.

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield! Let's go, Shiina-san!" the copy Negi began running ahead.

"Y-Yeah, of course!" Sakurako blushed, rushing after him.

Yue breathed deeply, activating her magic as she waited for her turn to act. _"Vor so kratika socratica..."_

….

** Scandalous! **

Takane still fumed and puffed angrily, while Ai clumsily held a blanket before her, allowing the young mage to cast a new shadow spell over herself, covering her with new black clothes. The shy 3-F student hesitated before looking over the blanket as the process took place, and then asked in a reluctant whine, "E-Excuse me for my nosy rudeness, but aren't you forgetting your underwear?"

Takane silenced her with an angry gesture. "Keep it low, dumb girl!" Then she calmed down a bit. "Listen, Shadow Armor forms a single piece around your body. It acts as both an upper and lower layer of protection, both against attacks and the elements. In that context, dividing it into normal clothes and underwear is a pointless distinction. Think of it as a single entity covering your body perfectly."

"… But you're going commando!" Ai eeped weakly and blushed.

Takane hissed. "Such a mundane, low concept doesn't apply here!"

"All the time!" Ai was still scandalized.

Goodman held her urges to strangle her as well before bluntly stating. "So what? It makes you feel fresh and free."

"… Sorry for asking," Kaga apologized. She took a firm mental note; if she ever learned magic, she was going to stay away from all shadow variations.

At the other end of the training grounds, Itoshiki checked Negi's neck with all the expertise on the human body years of self-termination attempts and having a magical medic for an older brother had given him. "You are, if such a thing truly exists, fortunate, Negi-sensei," he said. "Takane-kun's savage attempts left no lasting damage on you. Such strong hands, however… Perhaps I should ask her to help me with my strangulation…"

The idea of having a nubile, young, gorgeous blonde strangling him interested him more than he knew it should have, so he quickly shoved it aside. "R-Regardless, I feel I must ask… Why does a ten year old know a spell to amplify mammaries? That isn't a part of the normal magical training!"

"Well," Negi reminisced, "It was actually Anya's idea. She once asked me help her to 'enhance her figure', after the first time she took a bath with Nekane-nee. I asked her what she meant, and she blushed and told me she just wanted to look more adult. I didn't understand why, but I told her I'd help. We researched through the library for hours, until we found that spell. She made me memorize it, and then use it on her…"

Then he winced, as if remembering a particularly painful event.

"Didn't it work?" Itoshiki asked.

"It worked far too well," Chamo spoke. "Anya-Sis floated all the way to the highest tower in the village. They had to deflate her breasts with a dart and catch her below with a net."

"… She didn't talk to me for three weeks after that…" Negi sulked.

"I see…" Nozomu blinked, before slowly turning to look at Erebus. "Did the same thing happen to you?"

It was the older Negi's turn to cringe. "No, my case was actually _much_ worse…!"

….

** Sakurako vs. Yue, Part Two. **

Sakurako was shocked, shocked, I tell you, at how fast Copy Negi could run. She hadn't believed the real Negi could run that fast, and she supposed a copy wouldn't be as fast as him either, so it was a surprise for her to see him being able to run at that speed, forcing her to put all her effort into it to keep up with him. And she still was running rather behind him.

She had the nagging suspicion Alternate Haruna-chan might have made the golem faster than the original to screw over with her training, but she quickly discarded the idea. Haruna-chan wasn't that evil...

Was she?

Actually, Sakurako was lucky Haruna had, indeed, made the copy far slower than the original. So was Yue, by the way.

And speaking about Yue, she was coming after them now, riding a broom, wand in hand. Sakurako gasped aloud. "Beware, Negi-kun! The Wicked Witch of the West!"

A vein briefly popped on Yue's large forehead.

Seeing Ayase was getting closer at an alarmingly quick rate, the cheerleader pointed both pom-poms down at her own feet. "Think lucky! Think lucky! Make me quick like you did before!"

Sure enough, it worked, the incantation somehow channeling most of her magical energy into her feet, allowing her to reach Negi.

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield!" he said.

"I know, Negi-kun!"

Yue sighed and half heartedly threw six Ice Sagitta Magica, aiming all of them at the fake Negi. If Sakurako really had her mind and heart into this, she'd try to protecter her Magister instead of defending herself. If not, well, the test would be over quickly enough.

Shiina, to her credit, had the presence of mind to feel the projectiles zeroing in time. She aimed the pom-poms up at them and yelled, "Get back! Get back!"

Yue blinked as the arrows suddenly turned around back to her. It was as if she had miscast the spell, or the arrows had recognized the signal of a return spell. Deploying a Deflectio, she blocked the arrows, then looked down again, preparing her next strike. But right then, Sakurako was aiming at her once more...

"S-Suffer a non-severe, non-lethal accident, please!" she all but begged.

The broom suddenly seemed to lose magical energy, as Yue felt as if her inner power flickered down for a moment. She fell down like a rock, crashing against the foliage of a nearby false tree. She rose back into the air seconds after, spitting small leaves out, twice as determined as before.

Negi and Shiina were running through a narrow passage between hills now. That made them easier targets, although Yue also had to be more careful while flying through such a close space. No problem for her.

Once she was close enough again, she extended a hand in Negi's direction. _"Jaculatio Grandinis!"_

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield! Be careful, Shiina-san!" Copy Negi, acting on his basic programming, jumped out of harm's way right in time. Yue scowled, even if deep inside she also felt somewhat happy the spell hadn't hit him.

Still, she was sure she wouldn't miss this time. She had them not-really-dead to rights...

"Please, have a small accident again!" Sakurako waved her Artifacts at her.

Yue instinctively gripped the broom tighter, but this time she didn't feel her magic waning for absolutely no good reason. Pleased with it, she prepared her counter before anything else could happen...

Then she felt a small rock falling from a hill's top and on her head. Ouch. Wait, how hadn't she felt it coming...?

With her eyes spiraling dizziliy, and feeling horribly happy Emily wasn't there to bear witness of such a ridiculous display of skill being owned by randomness, Yue spiraled down in her broom, crashlanding forcefully.

Forgetting everything else, Sakurako ran to her side. "Yue-chan! I'm so sorry! Are you right?-! Please say I didn't kill you!"

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield!" Negi ran after her.

Yue staggered back to her feet, grumbling as she shook her groggy head. "N-No, I'm okay. It'll take more than this to put an Ariadne cadet down..." Then she casually said "Me Armet," summoning her sword and hitting Copy Negi in a shoulder.

Damn, it felt as horrible in her heart as she had dreaded.

"Kya!" Sakurako yelped.

"Goodbye, I was Negi Springfield!" the golem said one last time before being undone.

Yue made a horribly cute sad face. "I killed him... Damn you, Haruna..."

"Bwa ha ha!" Haruna, of course, was approaching them now, closely followed by Nodoka. "Don't think too much about it, Yue! It was just a test dummy!"

"I failed horribly, didn't I?" Shiina sulked.

Nodoka smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. "No. You went against a trained Ariadne graduate... of sorts, anyway, and a student of Evangeline-san, and you still held your own against her for half of the course. You landed two hits on her, and that's in your first try. You did very well."

"It was all luck," Yue puffed.

"Yeah, well, that's the whole point!" Haruna was starting to draw another Negi copy. "Now, let's try again! This time, with a Negi sure to be more of your liking! Ero-Negi!"

The New Negi came into being between Yue and Sakurako, pulling each one of them close to him, smiling roguishly at them. "Why, hello there, lovely ladies," he crooned. "I look forward to engaging into physical exercises with you..."

"H-H-HARUNA! UNDO IT!-!-!" Yue screamed, her face crimson, her body trembling. Nodoka was staring with wide blank eyes between her bangs.

"I'm... really lucky..." Sakurako blinked, unable to say anything else for the moment. Or move away, for that matter.

….

Chisame, Tsunetsuki and Hakase followed the Asakura puppet through the narrow, difficult and dark forest path, their feet splashing in the mud with each step. A soft, silent rain had started falling on them, making Satomi sneeze loudly. For once in this fanfic, no one had been talking about her.

"I have a question for you," the fake Kazumi said all of a sudden, her voice calm.

"Ask," Chisame requested.

"Where do you see yourselves in ten years?" the doll asked.

"Head of Technological Research in Lex Corp, with a Nobel Prize on my desk, a Chachamaru unit placed in each household across the world," Hakase was the first one to answer, without any sort of hesitation.

"I dunno," Chisame groaned. "Aren't we still too young to think about that? I guess I'd like being a programmer. I'll think of it when it's time to hit college."

"I want to be a devoted wife, with two lovely children by my beloved!" Matoi smiled warmly.

Chisame started. "I can't give you any children!"

Matoi just cooed. "Ooooh, I got you to admit you _are_ my beloved…!"

Hasegawa pushed her aside. "Idiot."

_Somewhere in Kyoto, Ruri sneezed in the shower._

" _Cover your nose when you do that," Quartum snapped, washing her hair._

_In the next room, The Joker looked up from a passable Austin Powers marathon. "That wasn't my idea, I swear!"_

"In any case, True Love can pull off any miracle!" Matoi sounded highly convinced.

_Somewhere, Akemi Homura sneezed._

Kazumi snorted, now sounding very much like Eva. "Not even magic can pull that off, dolt. And what makes you so sure you feel any true love? Hah! The only reason why you fell in lust with Hasegawa in the first place was because of a love potion."

"That may be true," Matoi admitted, "But my love has grown beyond that. Day after day, through seeing what kind of person she is, and all she does for those close to her, I've gotten to know her better than anyone else I ever loved. Ask Arai-sensei if I've ever stuck with anyone else this long. Listen, I know I'm weird and annoying, and I fall in love just as soon as I change my interests. But this time, now more than ever before, I want to keep this love. I don't care how it started, or why. All I care about is knowing I'm on the right path, and never straying from it."

Hakase's eyes were wide, as if a bolt had just hit her, for some reason. Chisame scowled and fretted, trying to pretend she hadn't even heard anything.

The doll made as much of a chuckling sound as it could. "At least you mention a personal interest in your future, misguided as it is, Tsunetsuki. The two of you, on the other hand, don't even think about your Magister when planning ahead… if you even do that to begin with," she glanced in Chisame's direction. "I don't think you really wish to be Ministra Magi."

"Of course we do!" Hakase protested. "But a woman's future shouldn't be framed only by her dedication to a man!"

"You are the last person you need to tell that!" Now it was quite blatant it was Evangeline roaring through the doll. "But you still don't get the true meaning behind a Pactio! The Pactio isn't intended for the Minister to become an appendix of the Magister! It isn't something to make the Minister to drag behind the Magister, but for both of them to grow together! Also, it's not like a man is always the Magister. Very often, a woman plays the Magistra position to a male Minister."

"Then why you never got yourself a Minister?" Chisame asked.

"Fu, fu. I did, remember? I have Chachamaru, and before that, Chachazero. True, we have a Doll Contract, which is unlike the Pactio system you know, but then again, it's not like I need anything beyond that. I am practically a goddess made flesh! I am far above the paltry needs of weak mortals!" the force guiding the puppet boasted.

"I'm sorry I asked," Chisame droned. "Who is 'Chachazero', by the way?"

"I'll tell you about that later…" Hakase promised.

"You cannot allow your roles as Ministra define your whole lives, but you cannot conceive your existences without them, either, if you truly are serious about it," the vampire instructed. "It must be an important part of who you are, in a way, even more important than a marriage. A marriage won't demand half as much from you as this!" she nearly cackled, despite the doll's shortcomings in displaying full emotion. "No marriage will ever bring you as much pressure and danger as the duties of a battle Ministra!"

"Not even if we married Charlie Sheen?" Matoi asked.

"…" the fake Kazumi paused. "Point. But still, remember my words, foolish children! Because I'm going to make damn sure I crush you under my merciless heel until you either quit or learn that! I'll drill the lesson into your thick, empty skulls and pour it in like a boiling, burning acid to corrode your rampant, vacant idiocy! I'll make you into real women, or broken egg shells! Personally, I'm 99, 99% sure of the latter, because I can see you have no guts! No ambitions that don't involve stroking your egos and looking for pleasures for yourselves!"

"Hey, now—!" Chisame angrily began.

Asakura stopped and turned around, laughing mechanically. "Ha-ha-ha! Of course I'm right! You were so distracted by the conversation you dropped your guards! I'll bet you haven't even realized I led you into a trap, have you? You didn't hear the rustling steps along the road? The brief, small sounds between the trees? You have failed this part of the test! To make up for it, you'll have to answer another question!"

From between the trees, more lifelike puppets stepped out, each one wearing a maid outfit as well. Chisame gasped, counting a Naba, a Murakami, an Iincho, a Konoka and a Zazie. All of them quickly formed a circle around them, never saying a single word.

Hakase pulled her Pactio card out. "Chisame. I'll take on Naba-san, Murakami-san and Rainyday-san. Can I trust the other two to you?"

Chisame gulped and nodded, breathing strongly to keep her wits on. "Sure. Tsunetsuki, behind me, no matter what."

Matoi nodded with concern.

 _"Adeat!"_ both Ministra chorused, as the dolls jumped in for them…

….

** Teaching Yourself for Dummies. **

Erebus coughed mildly. "I believe it's my turn with… Negi-san." A beat. "Wow, it feels really weird saying that."

The other Negi nodded in agreement.

"First, we will discuss your incanting speed and the efficiency of your spells," Erebus said.

Negi frowned. "Aren't you going to test my abilities?"

The other Negi shook his head. "There's not really much point in that right now. I'll do more good teaching you how to plug up your general weaknesses."

Blink. "My weaknesses?"

Nod. "They say hindsight is 20/20, and now you have an almost unique opportunity to take advantage of experience perfectly tailored to your needs. Almost no one else you meet will ever have the chance to be told by their future self exactly what they need to work on."

Takane raised an eyebrow. "Almost?" she said.

"Well, there's a girl in my universe who received advice from her future self who was summoned as a warrior spirit in a magical ritual war ten years ago, before she was born," Negi said, to amazed looks. "It really doesn't happen that often! I mean, yes, the Sailor Senshi have a time traveler in their ranks… and one of my descendants who traveled back in time to change her present seems to have left a lot of advisory emails that arrive at opportune moments… and Blue Angel-chan gets prophetic dreams under stress… and some people who are exposed to the blue light of her ring sometimes see glimpses of the future… but really, beyond that, it really doesn't happen that often!"

Erebus smiled.

"You have a strange notion of 'not happening often'," Itoshiki commented.

"Yes, Chisame-san keeps telling us."

"Well, what do you advise me to do?" Negi asked.

Erebus raised a finger in a way that reminded Negi of himself lecturing in class. It felt strange to be on this side of the gesture. "In this instance, I advise you to work on your casting speed and your spell efficiency."

Negi frowned. "I thought you were going to teach me because you knew dark magic?"

Erebus looked nervous. "I really only know one bit of dark magic, and teaching it to you would be a horrible mistake."

"But _you_ learned it!"

"And it was a horrible mistake," Erebus said. "The circumstances in which I learned it left me no choice but to do so. You, however, are not in that position, and thus have no reason to learn. Though I advise you to earn a million drachma as soon as possible, just in case."

"A MILLION DRACHMA?-!-?-!-?-!-?" they all exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"What would a million drachma have to do with you learning dark magic?" Itoshiki asked.

"Let's not get into that," Erebus said, looking shifty.

Negi sighed. "Well, why those two things in particular? Why not better, more powerful combat spells?"

"Firstly, the spells you have are perfectly suited for your needs," Erebus said. "No need to complicate things. And secondly, such powerful spells require long incantations, and are tactically useless if you have to pronounce them at a slow speed, even with a Ministra to buy you time. Having a faster casting speed means your partner will need to buy you less time. And it's ten times more important if you're fighting without the support of a Ministra. And if you're anything like me, you will be taking any opportunity you can get to leave your Ministra behind and forge on alone so they don't get hurt, which is a very stupid thing to do." He paused. "Though I'll deny it if you tell Asuna I said that. Regardless, a faster casting speed means long-casting, powerful spells are tactically viable and shorter, simple spells can be cast almost instantly. We will be focusing on the latter."

Negi shuffled guiltily at the comment about Ministra.

"Why simple spells in particular?" Takane asked. She sounded genuinely intrigued.

"Simple spells have relatively short casting times and are easy to scale up," Erebus said. "The casting time for Sagitta Magica is the same whether you call one arrow, thirteen or a thousand and one. If you increase the scale of it enough, it is more than equal in destructive capability to more complicated, powerful spells. All things considered, you will be able to cast more of it in the time it takes to cast _Fulgario Albicans_ or _Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens,_ meaning both greater damage and the chance to attack someone casting such a spell, interrupting their casting. In a decisive moment, being able to finish casting first can mean the difference between victory and defeat, and keeping someone from finishing a spell is better than having to block it."

Itoshiki was nodding in agreement. "Sound tactical sense. It sounds like something you learned through experience."

Erebus nodded, eyes looking distant and regretful. "She was… she could have been… a friend. I wish I could have known her better."

Itoshiki looked grim. "Death is always to be regretted— particularly when it keeps happening to other people and never to me! Why do you mock me so, Death-sama?-!"

"Oh, she didn't die," Erebus corrected, regaining his good humor. "She used her time machine to return to her own time."

There was a group blink.

"I… see…" Itoshiki said slowly.

Takane shook her head. "What a strange world you live in, Springfield-sensei. Thank goodness we don't have any of that weirdness. Honestly, time travel—? I'm sorry, are you all right? That's a nasty cough."

_Somewhere, Chao Lingshen, Asahina Mikuru, Akagi Ritsuko, Akemi Homura-dono, Michael Carter, and two temporal renegades sneezed._

"Some saliva just went down the wrong way," Erebus choked out, thumping his chest. "I'm fine now."

Negi was deep in thought as he considered this revelation. "I see. Um, well, I understand why I should work to increase my casting speed, but what do you mean about my spell efficiency?"

Again the raised finger. "As I'm sure Takane-san and Itoshiki-sensei would agree, the more we use certain spells, the more we become familiar with them, and the less power we need to expend for the same result."

The two elder mages were nodding. "It's true," Takane confirmed. "When I first began, it took a lot of effort for me to manifest a shadow puppet, never mind _Nocturna Nigredenis_. Now I barely notice the first and the second causes me no difficulties."

Negi frowned. "But, isn't that just a result of growing stronger?"

"Yes and no," Erebus said. "Mages are all born with a set magical potential, but we're not able to access all of it right away. Think of our potential as a well filled with sand, with our magic the water. We can only take a small amount of water at the start. But each time we scrape the bottom, we dredge out a little sand. Over time, there's less and less sand and more and more water. So in a sense, that's true. Or at least that's how it is in my world. But we don't always use the water efficiently at first. We waste large buckets on things that only need little cups. Over time, we learn to make better use of the water, so we need less and less."

Negi blinked at him uncertainly. "So… the water is… um…"

"He's saying that the amount of magic you hold has no relation to how efficiently you cast your spells," Itoshiki said, able to follow the allegory. He and his class discuss more messed-up concepts regularly, after all.

"Oh," Negi said. "I see…"

Erebus recognized that slightly glassy look from when Asuna didn't understand something in class and decided to just power on through. "Anyway, experience is not the only way to be more efficient in spell use. There are methods you can employ to cast the spell more efficiently. The Master's catalysts are an example, but there are other, less material-intensive ways."

"I think I understand," Negi said. "And it sounds good, but… why?"

Takane rolled her eyes. "Ugh, I can't believe… he's helping you build a solid foundation. Improved casting speed means you throw out more spells, meaning you use up more power, which means you tire faster. With efficient spellcraft, you will use up less energy, allowing _for_ such a high rate of fire. With such a foundation to build on, emphasizing speed and conservation, it doesn't matter what kind of magic you learn, whether offensive, defensive, or supportive!"

Erebus nodded. "Indeed. Just because we're similar doesn't mean we might not diverge into different people, or might have already done so. A lot of what I am now is a result of having Asuna and Konoka as my roommates. I'm sure being close to Chisame-san and Hakase-san have influenced you similarly. I can't assume you'll be suited to my combat style despite our similarities. I've already noticed you favor using expendable items more than I did at this age. I thought it best not to restrict your development by making you too much like me."

As Ai wrote furiously, Negi nodded slowly. "I understand. Yes, what you're saying makes sense…"

There was a tone of disappointment in his voice, though.

"What is it?" Erebus urged.

"I was kinda hoping for some good new spells!" Negi cried childishly, finally sounding his age.

Erebus laughed. "Tell you what," he said, walking over next to Ai where a folder stuffed with papers was weighed down by the mangled remains of what had been a game controller (the Chachamarus had seen no point in throwing it away to be recycled if it could be used more quickly). "At the end of today's training I'll teach you a new spell, and we'll spend tomorrow working on it."

Negi brightened. "Thank you!" he chirped.

Erebus handed him the folder. "This is a copy of my notes from when I was being tutored by Headmistress Seras on a lightning spell I was having trouble with. Study it for the next half-hour and practice with it for the half-hour after that. Then we'll run through some drills to help improve your incanting speed, and after that…" He smiled. "After that we'll have our own spar."

Negi eagerly took the folder, sitting on the ground to study it right there.

"Headmistress Seras?" Takane said. "The name sounds slightly familiar… I believe I have a cousin of that name…"

_Somewhere, Seras Victoria sneezed. Which confused the heck out of her, because she hadn't even been breathing._

"Seras is the name of the headmistress of the Academy City of Ariadne," Itoshiki said.

Takane's jaws dropped. After a moment, she looked heavenward at the false sky. She imagined she could faintly see the rafters of the cabin basement. "I really should stop being surprised. How many famous people _do_ you know, Springfield-sensei?"

Erebus frowned and started counting on his fingers, muttering names softly under his breath.

Takane raised her hand to forestall him as he reached twenty and was muttering "Queen Iono". "Forget I asked."

….

** What Measure is a Robot Classmate? **

Generally, in the few fictional action stories she had ever bothered to check, when two or more people attacked a hero, they seemed to take turns at doing so. Hakase understood it was most likely a necessary result of the storytelling formats' need to avoid showing two attacks at once in a way that could be confusing and alientaing for the weak-minded target audiences, but still, as the Naba and Murakami duplicates threw punches at her head at the exact same time, she had to remind herself pre-conceived notions born out of late TV watching were only that.

Thankfully for her, the disparities in her attackers' sizes made Chizuru miss the punch completely, while Natsumi's only grazed her, and with her Pactio-augmented stats, it didn't even hurt that much. Years of being caught in lab explosions and accidentally burned with acids leave you used to physical discomfort, so Satomi swallowed it and countered. Searching for the easiest target from the start, she swung a massive fist up...

... at Chizuru's breasts. For some vague reason her rational mind couldn't quite understand, she felt like she always had wanted to punch those humongous things flat.

_"Ah," Misa would sagely tell her after training. "That's called 'breast envy'."_

_And Satomi blinked cluelessly. "Is it?"_

Right then, however, all she could think about was about how the mass of Chizuru's chest, soft and bouncy, seemed to absorb the punch's kinetic energy and the impact itself better than she had expected. "Ah. Intriguing," Satomi said, even as Natsumi caught her in a lock from behind, forcing Hakase to repel her back with the two smaller arms of the backpack. Rolling around for another counter, desperately trying to remember those few times when Ku Fei had to beat down harassers in the Chao Bao Zi, Hakase balled up a huge fist and threw it into Murakami's midsection. Much to her own awe, it worked.

Natsumi doubled in herself so vividly you could have sworn she was the real deal, grabbing her stomach and muttering something about her always getting the worst roles, or something else. Since she never was one to waste a good chance to experience something new, Satomi decided to try her hand at this curious feeling now bubbling inside of herself, that told her to punch Natsumi a little more. She brought both fists down on Murakami's head, sending her down for good, spazzing wildly.

"Uwaaaa!" the scientist marveled. "This is—" then she spun around and hit a quickly approaching Chizuru in mid-speech, proving she wasn't so Genre Blind about talking in mid-fight after all, "Interesting!" She blocked Chizuru's followup punch with her metal arms, while ducking under Zazie's fist. "Raw brutality is considerably more gratifying than I'd have imagined!"

Rainyday seemed to have chosen to stay out of the fight at first, but now Natsumi was downed, she had taken her place, perhaps feeling freer to move around now. And she could move rather well, better than both the other enemies. With acrobatic skill worthy of the real Zazie, she started tossing fast kicks around, hitting Hakase several times, often quicker than the metal arms could block. Satomi finally began to groan in pain, even as she, in a desperate move, pulled Chizuru around by an arm and swung her into Zazie's direction, managing to get her kicked instead.

"That wasn't polite at all!" Chizuru said, slapping Satomi across the face. Ouch! It stung really bad! Hakase briefly wondered if the real Naba-san could hit that strongly.

Then she simply punched the head off Naba-san's shoulders, since, well, it wasn't the real Naba-san after all, and if it gave her an excuse to ask Evangeline-san for a chance to make up for her mistreatment of her property by fixing it and studying it, learning all its intriguing secrets, then well...

That, and as she had just mentioned, that mindless manifestation of violent impulses felt oddly liberating. She was starting to understand the behavior of the likes of Harima Kenji, Barahime Mimi, and Asuna and Iincho...

….

** Gratuitous Violence. **

Chisame waved her scepter, summoning her electronic sprites. "Boku! Pico! Hack into the Konoka one! Paco! Coco!" she added, running out of the way as the Ayaka doll tossed a furious punch in her direction. "Hack into this Iincho! Negi, Nene, Chiu, deploy a protective barrier!"

The first four mice froze in mid-air rather quickly. "Mother, we cannot!" Pico squeaked. "They have no systems we can infiltrate!"

"What?" Chisame babbled, just as the electromagnetic shield she had just activated around herself blocked a fist of the blonde, which otherwise would have socked her in the face. "How come?-! They're automatons too, aren't they?-!"

"We find no neural nets we can get into!" Boku informed.

'Kazumi' stood there, arms crossed behind her back. "Stupid girl. Unlike Chachamaru, we work on pure magic. You cannot manipulate us with your technology-based powers. You're going to have to get your precious soft hands dirty."

"Great," Chisame grumbled, shooting a few weak blasts at the Konoka puppet, who staggered back. Apparently, she was of as much use in a real fight as the real Konoka was. Still, blasting her down just felt wrong. The wounded look on those huge black eyes when she was rattled back by the impacts was... disturbing.

Then Chisame saw Hakase brutally putting the Chizuru unit down, and cringed, even while hearing Matoi, closely behind her, making an appreciative sound.

"Your dear friend is getting the idea faster than you," Kazumi crooned evilly, sounding nearly identical to Eva now. "She's detached enough from stupid social concerns to be able to hurt others."

"She only does it because she knows they're puppets!" Chisame growled, whacking the Ayaka across the face as the fake Iincho's punches began to shatter the barrier. "And don't call her my 'dear friend'!"

"But she is. Isn't she?" Matoi's voice sounded tiny and a tad bitter behind her back.

Chisame grumbled again, cheeks unwillingly warming. "Just stay quiet there."

Taking a long gulp, she aimed the scepter at Konoka and shot her through the head just as the false Konoe tried to sneak behind her to hit Tsunetsuki. The stalker cooed softly as her amazed eyes followed the upright travel of Konoka's upper skull, her pupils betraying their 3-F nature while showing her morbid fascination with the display of fierce protectiveness. "You really care about me..."

"It's only pity," Hasegawa huffed, trying to ignore the horrible feeling in her gut as she waved the scepter back on Ayaka's general direction, only to notice again she was a much harder target than Konoka. She moved fast and athletically, with the real Ayaka's energy, and many of her fighting moves as well. Chisame had only ever seen Iincho fighting Asuna, but the rumors she overhead from the likes of Haruna and Misa in the classroom said she was an accomplished martial artist herself. She would be a difficult opponent, and Chisame's shield grew weaker by the moment.

"You need to work on keeping a steady, strong defense," Evangeline coached through Kazumi. "You get tired too soon, and that's because you have no physical condition. Simply pathetic, but to be expected from someone who does nothing but sitting before a computer!"

"I'm still good to go!" Chisame shouted, really annoyed. And missing another blast. Crap, it wasn't getting her anywhere. The doll would keep on attacking after she grew tired, and then...

No. There was something else to try.

"Nene, Paco, Coco!" she called. "Forget trying to hack her! Overload the air with electricity around her instead!"

"Immediately, Mother!" the three obeyed.

Asakura lifted an eyebrow as they flew in fast circles in a wide trajectory around the Ayaka puppet, the air between them cracking with power flowing in arcs and streams from mouse to mouse, until the sparks began appearing in the blond doll's joints, making her to stiffen. Then it looked like she was overheating from the inside. The artificial Ayaka shook several times, spazzing and falling to her knees, one blue eye popping out of its socket. She still waved her fists in Chisame's direction ineffectually, but rather soon, she just stopped moving altogether.

Chisame panted wearily as Kazumi rubbed her chin. "Interesting!" the redhead commented. "How did you do it?"

"Their bodies are made of a material that doesn't absorb electricity well, but it looks like the thin cables running through them connecting their parts together are a different matter," Hasegawa wheezed. "The sprites share a connection with me... I just noticed it, if I concentrate enough, I can faintly feel what they are feeling, and learn what they have learned. They saw your dolls' insides when they tried to take over them. The cables transmit your magical power through them, and while they won't transmit electrical pulses, that's a fatal flaw on itself, because they still absorb it. When I downloaded electricity around and into her, it wouldn't be displaced, so her body just grew overcharged, and couldn't take it."

"Bravo, Chisame-sama! You're so intelligent!" Matoi clapped and cried.

"No. Maybe not so much," Chisame snorted, before jumping to Hakase's side to help her deal with the Zazie doll, who was putting Satomi against the ropes with her superior skill and speed.

Tsunetsuki briefly made a saddened face. The Asakura puppet noticed it and put on a sly smile.

The headless Konoka doll rose behind Matoi, hands groping. Without turning, Matoi grabbed its wrist, casually snapped its joints the wrong way and threw it up into a tree.

DEEP LOVED a ninja, after all.

….

** Ayaka, Part Two: **

As Kazumi finished telling her story, Ayaka made a brief, half stunned pause before regaining her bearings and laughing it off. "Oh, Asakura-san! That's simply impossible! There's no way such a thing could ever exist, much less in our classroom!"

"I figured you'd say that," Asakura said. "Think whatever you want, but I'm sure I've felt that, and I know it isn't something that can be explained through natural means."

"Everything can be explained through natural, logical means," Ayaka stated.

"Superman-sama?" Kazumi asked.

"Super soldier created by the US government. Everyone knows that alien story is only a fabrication."

"The Batman?"

"Urban legend."

"Twilight?"

"The ultimate manifestation of literary evil."

"That biker guy with the flaming skull head sighted in New York?"

Ayaka glared. "You really don't believe _that_ stuff, do you?"

Kazumi hummed. "Nah, I think that's too much even for me. But still, I don't think you should discard it all so easily."

"Be that as it may be, we'll need to discuss it later," the Class Rep looked at her wristwatch. "It's getting late, and I don't trust Makie-san with the dinner."

Kazumi smirked. "Oh, so you do the cooking, Iincho?"

"What is it so strange about it? I'm not pampered just because I'm rich. Father taught me a Yukihiro woman should be self-sufficient, and while the servants cook for me when I'm home, I'll do it at the dorm. Chizuru-san taught me when we roomed together last year."

"That's something I've always wondered about. Why did you move away from her? You get along just great..." Asakura asked casually as they walked for the door.

Since it was a question with a clear, innocent answer, Ayaka replied honestly. "It was just too crowded, nothing else. Between us and Murakami-san, it was just too much, despite our lack of personal issues with each other. Believe me, it's never wise to have more than a single roommate at any given time. Well, thanks for everything, Asakura-san. We'll remain in contact."

"Have a good day, Iincho," Kazumi nodded, arms crossed. Her smile was half-crooked now, as if she suspected something, Ayaka thought, although that probably was only an impression born out of her own recent paranoia. Ayaka told herself she was justified on feeling that way. After all those recent revelations…

Once alone, she strolled through the mostly empty campus for a while, avoiding a straight route back home. It was fairly quiet today. Sagara-san ran past, a furious Chidori after him with a rolled-up newspaper. Suzumiya-san and her 'SOS Brigade' walked past as she loudly exclaimed about 'Empty spirit monsters'. Testrossa-san waved to her as she strode by, walking her dog, and Ayaka waved back. Zazie stood on the lip of a fountain, surrounded by birds, a few perched on her fingers, eating from the palm of her other hand. The acrobat nodded at Ayaka.

Once she was fairly sure Kazumi was not following her around from any sort of distance, she headed into the middle-school building, not really sneaking since it didn't fit her status, honestly, but still discreetly making her way to the 3-A classroom. With the spare key she always kept around in her condition of class president, she opened it, then locked it behind herself.

She walked through the long lines of empty seats, stopping before the first one of them all. The one that had remained unoccupied for years.

She felt ridiculous, and she was fairly sure she only was wasting her time. And yet, she already was there, so why not to just go along with it?

Ayaka cleared her throat, frowned, and finally asked, "Aisaka-san?"

Silence.

"Aisaka-san, are you here?" Ayaka raised her voice a bit.

Nothing but more silence.

The blonde tried to keep her voice official and serious, not showing the frustrated embarassment she was feeling. "Aisaka-san, if you can hear me, please give me a sign."

Again, nothing.

Ayaka sighed and walked back for the door. "I knew it...!"

Then a soft, hesitant knocking on Seat Number One stopped her on her tracks.

Ayaka turned her head around. The knocking repeated itself, a bit louder now.

"If that's really you, Aisaka-san, please knock twice. Only twice."

_Knock. Knock._

Ayaka fully turned back, smiling with actual satisfaction. So the supernatural was not a lie after all? Maybe Siesta had, indeed, been telling her the truth about herself and Negi-sensei.

"Greetings, Aisaka-san," Ayaka said, with a bow. "I don't quite believe we have been formally introduced. My name is Yukihiro Ayaka, and I'm your Class Representative. I am sorry to have spent this long without ever noticing your presence."

Sayo wanted to say it was okay, and she didn't mind, because she understood, but her words couldn't reach out to Ayaka. Frustrated, she tried to pat the living girl on a shoulder, but the touch only made Ayaka back away, startled by a sudden icy feeling on her body.

That made Sayo panic, afraid she'd scared her away, but Ayaka seemed to understand, somehow, much like she could understand Zazie's silences. "It's okay. You wanted to pat my shoulder, didn't you? Knock twice again if I'm right."

_Knock. Knock._

Yukihiro rubbed her chin. "We're going to need a better means of communication. This is far too limited." Looking around, she saw a piece of chalk left on Asuna's desk. She picked it up and offered it on the first seat's direction. "Can you write?"

It was an extreme longshot, and Ayaka knew it.

Sayo doubted. Kurosaki-sempai had given her some recent coaching on how to interact with the physical world better, but she was a slow learner, and she still had big problems moving objects around. Still, she made her best attempt to hold the chalk, then lifting it, feeling as if she was carrying a huge building between her hands. Even so, she forced herself to bring it to the chalkboard, applying it against its surface, attempting to remember how it was, to actually write something. It had been so long...

Ayaka made a truly fascinated expression as she saw the chalk levitating, then rubbing itself against the chalkboard, words beginning to appear slowly on the hard surface.

_Pleased._

Oh, God.

_To._

It was real.

_Meet._

It was amazing.

_You._

It was magical.

_Iincho-sama._

The world was, after all, a magical place.

There _should_ have been a crack of ominous thunder. There _really_ should have…

….

** Pow! Whack! Biff! **

Satomi made an incoherent sound as Zazie easily elbowed her across the chin.

As she swung a giant fist around, missing her target again, she began to realize a few things. First, maybe she wasn't as used to physical pain as she had previously believed. Second, if the actual Rainyday-san moved that way, perhaps it would pay to hire her services to upload her movements and incorporate them into Chachamaru's future battle files. Third, she was definitely too slow to counter Rainyday-san properly.

Even with the speed burst the Pactio gave her, she found all her movements were too late to match the dark skinned girl's. The acrobat had already hit her by the time she had figured out what she was going to do, or even before it. And those small fists impacted with a lot of strenght, even worse than Naba-san's slap. Hakase began hearing an undistinct ringing in her ears, and she shook her head, trying to keep consciousness in the face of the onslaught. If only she could land a single good solid hit…

"Hakase!" Chisame said while leaping in to join the fray, brandishing her scepter and attempting a repeat of what she had done to the Ayaka unit. As soon as Hasegawa was in Rainyday's range, however, the acrobat kicked her in the face before she could even put her mice in place around her.

"Chisame!" Hakase gasped, rushing ahead to aid her.

Matoi, standing at the sidelines, fumbled angrily. Calling each other's names in battle... the first sure-fire sign of mutual affection in all action movies and TV shows...

Just as easily, Zazie leaped up doing a split kick, hitting each Ministra with a different foot at once. Even Matoi was impressed. She hadn't seen such skill since that boy she dated for a while... Genpou Saji-kun, wasn't it? She wondered how he was doing now...

Still, her awe turned into nail biting fear quickly, as the dark skinned stupid doll kept kicking Chisame-sama and Forehead Harlot around easily, tossing them around like ragdolls before they could even react. "STOP IT!" she cried.

As oblivious as the real Zazie, the puppet just bicycle kicked Chisame into the air, while using her arms to pin Hakase down into the mud. Okay, badass, but Matoi had no appreciation for that right now. Her beloved was yelling in pain, damn it!

"Stop this!" Tsunetsuki turned angrily to the fake Asakura.

The doll smiled vacantly. "Why should I? It's very amusing."

Seething mad, Matoi picked a rock from the ground and tossed it at Zazie's head while she held each Ministra by the collars of their shirts. "LET THEM GO!"

The rock fell down bouncing off her head, but Zazie gave no sign of even noticing the hit. That did it. As the doll prepared to mash both her opponents' heads against each other for the coup de grace, the short haired girl, with a crazy yell perfectly copied from Chiri in Extreme Frustration Mode, tossed herself on her back, throwing her off balance. It was for only a second or so, but it was enough to allow Hakase land a large metal fist on Rainyday's skull, immediately followed by an electric blast of Chisame into the open wound, overloading the head from the inside until it exploded in a shower of sparkles.

The puppet and the girls fell in a heap then, with the humans panting and wheezing heavily. For a moment, no one could say anything, until Chisame looked and Matoi and said, hoarsely, "Thanks. You okay there?"

She only nodded, struggling back to her feet. "Y-Yes. You?"

"Could be much better, but I still can walk, at least," Chisame helped Hakase to stand back up, carefully. Matoi frowned, since she hadn't received the same treatment. "How about you, Hakase?"

The scientist dusted herself off grandly, although it just came out as cutely clumsy. "I have substained no lasting, serious physical damage to any degree."

Chisame smiled. Matoi scowled, although a part of herself actually felt glad Forehead Two-Timer was not hurt too badly. It must have been because otherwise Chisame-sama would be sad. Yes, it must have been that. _Only_ that.

Hasegawa looked evenly at 'Asakura'. "What kind of woman keeps killer dolls based on her classmates around?"

"The kind of woman you'll never get to be," the redhead sneered.

"Fortunately," Chisame muttered under her breath before asking, "You **don't** have a copy of me stashed around too, do you?"

'Asakura' scoffed. "What kind of use could I ever have for such an individual as you?"

''— as you?" Evangeline asked into her magical projection ball several rooms apart, sitting cross legged on a couch made of velvety black pillows, with a Chisame maid doll kneeling at her feet, carefully painting her toenails.

A Shizuna-sensei puppet appeared right behind her. "Would you wish for a shoulder massage, Mistress?"

"Not now, Shizuna!" Eva barked, gesturing for her to be quiet.

….

** Boys. **

"Negi-kun…"

"Just a little longer, Anya," Negi said, reading the notes in front of him distractedly, scribbling on some sheets already loaded with personal notes.

"Negi-san…"

"Just a little longer, Anya…"

"Bro…"

"Just a little longer, Anya…"

"…"

"Just a little longer, Anya…"

"I am going to take this knife and cut off Chisame-san's hair."

Negi suddenly stood in a heroic smiting pose, staff leveled dangerously. "Don't you dare harm my student!"

Erebus stared down the metaphorical barrel of the staff. "Wow. I don't really overreact that badly, do I?"

"You probably do," Itoshiki said.

Negi blinked. "Has it already been that long?"

Erebus nodded. "It's my turn to be your opponent," he said, pulling back his hair and letting his magic hairband tie it in place. He'd changed into the clothes he'd been wearing when he'd first arrived, and seemed much more natural and comfortable in them. "Are you ready?"

Negi frowned. "Won't you need a wand?"

Erebus shook his head, raising his hand to show the ring on one finger. "The Master gave me this some time back as a gift. The ring acts like a wand, allowing me to remain barehanded. It's also harder to lose than a wand. The downside is I can't fly with it." He frowned. "I should really ask the Master about teaching me how to fly again…"

Itoshiki raised an eyebrow. "She gave you a ring like that? Just like that, no strings attached? She didn't try to convince you it made you engaged to her or anything?"

Erebus blinked. "Why would she?"

"Never mind," Itoshiki said. "Form up, you two." The two Negis faced off, Itoshiki between them. "We've already done this twice, so no need to repeat myself, I hope?"

The Negis nodded. Erebus coughed. "Now, for my test. Often, you will end up facing enemies that significantly overpower you. In that instance, the goal changes from winning to simply surviving."

Negi paled. "I will?-! It is?-!"

Erebus continued. "Itoshiki-sensei. Please keep time. Mou hitori no boku, for this test, you must still be standing at the end of fifteen minutes. I'll be pulling my spells, but I will trust you to be the one to declare if… Negi-kun— that sounds so weird— was or would likely have been hit by a lethal spell."

"L-lethal spell?" Negi stammered.

"Don't worry, Negi-kun!" Itoshiki declared. "I shall throw myself as a shield before you if I judge such a spell would strike you!"

"Oh. Thank you… I guess…"

Erebus blinked at Itoshiki, then looked at Takane. "Would you…?"

She nodded, readying her shadows. "I'll be ready too."

"Well, let's begin then," Itoshiki said almost happily, apparent buoyed by the prospect of lethal spells. "Prepare yourselves…"

Negi raised his staff, his brain buzzing with the things he'd been reading and practicing for the past hour. Erebus fell into a martial arts stance, arms raised before him.

"BEGIN!"

" _Septendecim spiritus lucis! Sagitta Magica! Series lucis!"_ Negi cried, light gathering together quickly. They came together markedly faster than in his previous fights, 23 arrows ready to fly.

Erebus was faster, however. " _Sagitta Magica, Convergentia Fulguralis!_ " he cried. The air crackled with electricity, and Itoshiki and Takane both stepped back involuntarily as the air around Erebus became brilliant with lightning. Negi stumbled in his casting, face paling.

With a gesture, a thousand and nine lightning arrows _leapt_ at Negi like a flight of avenging angels.

….

McDowell's tea shuddered as an explosion rocked the entire tower of the resort.

Evangeline started, looking up from her crystal ball as the Chisame doll spilled some nail polish. "The heck—? What was THAT?-!"

McDowell was unfazed, putting down her tea and getting back to plotting out her next game session. A Dungeon Master had responsibilities, after all. "Oh, just my Boya letting loose. You can _just_ smell the ozone from the lightning. Turn on a fan, will you Chachamaru?"

Evangeline blinked, then made a few gestures over her crystal, changing its focus as Karakuri moved to comply. She blanched. "Is he nuts?"

"No, he's _my_ disciple," McDowell said, pride in her voice. "And he learned his lessons well."

Evangeline kept on staring. "Trade you?"

"Heck no."

"Damn… er, not that I really want to be this one's teacher or anything!"

McDowell looked sideways at Karakuri. "Do I really sound _that_ tsundere?"

"Yes, mistress."

"HEY! I'M NOT BEING TSUNDERE, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO!" Evangeline cried.

"You're a little tsundere, mistress," Chachamaru opined. Damned free will program.

"Was that a crack about our height?" McDowell said.

As her alternate tried to answer this, Karakuri, taking the better part of valor, just served tea.

….

** Girls. **

As they walked under the now pouring rain, feet splashing softly in the mud, Chisame addressed the Kazumi doll again. "Evangeline-san."

"While you're here, call me 'Asakura'. Otherwise, you offend my craftmanship," the redahead warned. "What is it?"

"Since you have made puppets out of us... I assume all the other puppets I didn't recognize are modeled after former classmates of yours, right?"

Kazumi shrugged. "Perhaps. What is it to you, if they are?"

"Just asking," Chisame grunted.

"You have some strange hobbies," Matoi noted.

"Oh, shut up, Tsunetsuki," Chisame told her. "You collect hair from your former boyfriends, and have a self-made collection of plush dolls in their image. Komori told me so."

Matoi blinked at the mention of her ex-roommate. "When did you talk with Kiri?"

"I wanted to see if there was some way to get rid of you, so I looked for her advice last week..." Hasegawa admitted with brutal honesty.

Matoi's eyes watered. "That's so mean, Chisame-sama...! Besides, not al my hobbies are lik that! I also do photography! I've been in the top three of the school's photography contest five years in a row."

While they walked across an extremely narrow mountain pass, keeping their backs to the rocky wall, moving carefully so as not to fall into the abyss below, Matoi continued, "I mean, what is it with you and your inability to accept people's feelings? I understand it must have been hard to grow apart from your father, and with a callous, self-absorted mother, but—"

Chisame looked at her, lividly. "How do you know that?-!"

"I hacked into the personal files the Academy keeps on you, including Arai-sensei's evaluations, Chisame-sama," the stalker was honest. "Ever since I fell in love with you, I have been studying hacking and other computer sciences..."

"You're goddamn sick!" Chisame yelled. A small chunk of rock fell from above on her head. "Ow!"

"Maybe you should keep your voice down, Chisame," Hakase warned. "This terrain is highly unstable, and you could even cause an avalanche..."

"Sorry," Hasegawa mumbled, shaking her head down. Matoi scowled again.

"You shouldn't allow her to keep you wrapped around her pinky finger, Chisame-sama," the stalker advised.

"What do you mean? She only made a sound suggestion, and I admitted she was right!" Chisame raised her voice again. A few more peebles fell on her. "Ouch! Look at what you made me do!"

"You don't need to be so angry at me," Matoi sulked. "I saved you back there..."

"I already thanked you," Chisame said, not looking at her, only ahead.

Tsunetsuki sighed sadly. "If someone rescued me like that, I'd be eternally grat—" Then she gasped, as her right foot slipped on the wet rocks, and she stumbled ahead, heading straight down into the abyss.

"Matoi!" Chisame yelled, lunging ahead without thinking about it...

Only to stop in mid-motion, seeing Hakase already had grabbed the older student by a hand, with one of her metal hands. Matoi blinked, surprised, as Satomi pulled her back up, asking, "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yes," Tsunetsuki nodded, dumbfounded, just as Hakase placed her on safer ground, blushing briefly before rasping, "Ah, thanks a lot! But don't think this—"

"I think you were about to say you'd be grateful forever to anyone who saved you," Chisame pointed out.

Matoi coughed a few times, a fist on her own mouth. "O-Of course I'll feel eternal gratitude for saving my life... but that doesn't mean I have to like you!" she directed the last few words at Satomi.

"Okay," the scientist said, sounding completely indifferent.

"Because I still think you're a two-timing evil shrew, leading Chisame-sama and that girl around," Matoi continued.

"Maybe you're right," Satomi sighed.

"Of course I am! And I don't get why they like you, since you're flat, short, geeky and nerdy!" Matoi went on, feeling inspired.

"Hey, I don't like her that way!" Chisame protested. "And you're flat as a table, too! At least Hakase still has more years left to fill in than you!"

Matoi cringed as if she had just been knifed, but she insisted, "Y-You aren't even cute! Despite those cute glasses, and those cute braids, and those huge cute eyes, and that weird but cute shine you get on your forehead when the sun hits you the right angle!"

Satomi reminisced, "Grandmother's forehead shone the same way, too... I miss her. She was the one to give me my first chemistry set... and the one who paid for all the damage later on..."

"Shut up, all of you, or I'll toss you all down right now," the fake Asakura warned them.

….

** Interlude: Natsumi and Chizuru. **

Chizuru smiled placidly, setting her soft hands on Natsumi's shoulders. "Well then, have you already decided on it?"

The smaller girl looked down, ashamed. "I don't know, Chizu-nee. The more I think about it, the more it seems like a bad idea. Not only is Negi-sensei still too young, but... but he's, well, our sensei! I'll get ourselves in trouble if anyone ever finds out, and—"

"There is no gain without risk, Natsumi-chan," the well-endowed girl noted calmly. Both of them sat together in their living room after dinner. Everything was quiet outside.

"What point is there on risking so much for something I'll never be able to get anyway?" Murakami mused sadly. "I'm not sexy like you or Mana, rich and elegant like Iincho, cute and adorable like Honya, or smart and athletic like Chao. Not like I ever could get Negi-sensei's attention with all of them around."

Chizuru made a very small frown. "Natsumi-chan, when you told me what you felt for him, did you do it only to vent, or because you really wanted help with it?"

"The former," she replied immediately.

"Well, then you're doing it wrong," Naba told her, soft but serious. "You shouldn't only mope about it. You'll end up hurting yourself. If you really dislike the idea of loving him, then either try and forget him, or do something to get his attention."

"I can't just forget him, we see him every day!" Natsumi groaned.

"Well, that's a plus for your relationship! Distance only pulls hearts apart, after all!" Chizuru joined her hands happily.

"Chizu-nee!"

"Natsumi," the busty one grew serious again. "I'm behind you in this. Trust me. If I see you about to do something that will hurt yourself or him, I'll tell you to stop then. But there's nothing wrong with just letting him know you're fond of him. He's so mature for his age, I'm sure he'll understand. You're a nice girl, and won't force the issue with him as much as some of our classmates do. That actually gives you and edge. Men like women who don't make them feel threatened."

"Seriously, Chizu-nee?"

She nodded with solemnity. "Absolutely."

Natsumi blinked, astonished about Chizuru's confidence on the subject. Through all the time they had spent together, she never had seen her roommate spending time with any boys, but then again, she was so pretty she was sure to have had suitors at some point.

"And I still think that, during the Kyoto trip, you need to take advantage of such a romantic place to confess your feelings," continued Chizuru. "Do it in a way that doesn't scare him, but that makes clear you're serious about waiting for him. Otherwise, you'll be left behind, and I know you will regret it."

Natsumi gulped and squeaked a weak "Okay!"

Chizuru ran a hand fondly through her short hair. "I'll teach you how to bake something he'll like, and tomorrow we'll buy you something especially pretty to wear for the occasion. Right?"

"Right!" her roommate repeated, excitedly. "But still, what if he— If he thinks I'm not as—"

"No, no!" she waved a finger. "Stop comparing yourself to others! Forget all the others, even me! You are you! You are unique, and wonderful by virtue of just being who you are! You're responsible, cute, well spoken and polite! You aren't an awful student, a liar or a bad friend! So stop berating yourself and trust yourself. Much like you do when you're onstage."

"But that's just acting, and this... this is real..." she fidgeted.

"The principle is still the same," Chizuru insisted.

"N-No, it isn't!"

Chizuru lifted Natsumi's chin a bit up. "You are Murakami Natsumi. That's more than enough for you to feel proud."

Natsumi sobbed a couple times and hugged her. "Thank you, Chizu-nee."

"I trust you too, Natsumi-chan," she lulled her back and forth in her embrace, patting her head with a hand.

 _And I really want to do this. Both for you and for him,_ she thought.

….

** Negi vs. Negi. **

Negi felt he should look at the upside of this. For one thing, it looked like he was going to be able to become very powerful some day.

He considered it.

No, it wasn't much of an upside right now.

"So many memories…" Itoshiki said nostalgically. He managed to keep his balance as the ground beneath him jumped violently. "It seems like only yesterday I was in some battle, watching from over a rock and trying not to lose control of my bladder while Nagi played god."

Takane and Ai had long since sat on the ground, ready to lie flat while Takane's enormous puppet hovered over them protectively. "This should not be possible…" the blonde was panting, looking out from behind two more of her puppets.

"I'm sorry…" Ai said by rote, though not with any sincerity. She too was too busy watching.

" _Incendium Gehennae!_ " Erebus finished casting.

Negi was forced to cut off his spell as the enormous fire spell exploded, pouring all the power he'd readied to boost him out of the blast range. The shockwave took him from behind, sending him tumbling into the ground. From the pain on his shin, he'd gotten yet another bruise. He didn't let that slow him, however, scrambling to his feet as he silently recalled his staff to himself. He'd learned that at about the 6 minute mark. It was amazing how terror let him learn so quickly. So was what came next.

He barely rolled out of the way as 51 wind arrows converged on where he'd landed, each exploding into a capture spell. His own reply was ready, but he held it back, waiting…

" _Sagitta Magica, Series Lucis!_ " he cried, hoping he'd timed it right this time.

Erebus seemed to flicker, using what he'd called _shundo_ to dash off at speed he'd previously only seen Misora reach. It has taken him by surprise the first few times, which had cost him precious seconds and put him at ground zero of a _Jaculatio Fulgoris_ spell he'd barely shot down, had nearly gotten his head cleaved by a _Halebarda Fulgoris_ , and had introduced him to a spell he'd never heard of that incanted in what sounded like Greek that Itoshiki had frantically yelled at him to run from. But he was ready for it now, spraying the sequential spray of arrows to bear along the line he knew Erebus would need to travel. He'd worked out the older boy apparently couldn't change direction in mid-dash and had to travel in a straight line.

The light arrows flew, streaking through empty air.

Negi registered the lack of target in time to feel a finger jabbing him in the back.

"Sagitta Magica," a voice whispered in his ear.

"W-wha—?" Negi exclaimed turning to face Erebus. "H-how—?"

"You can terminate a _shundo_ by initiating another shundo," Erebus said. "Itoshiki-sensei, what's the time?"

The older man checked. "12 minutes, 37 seconds," he said. "Quite an accomplishment. Congratulations, Negi-kun. "

Negi frowned, still keyed up with adrenaline. "But I lost! I didn't last fifteen minutes and I never beat Erebus-kun!"

"The point was never about you beating me," Erebus explained, accepting a towel from Ai, who apologized for it not being fluffy enough. "The point was for you to survive. Twelve and a half minutes, in a real battle, is a very long time— sometimes it's felt like weeks and weeks!— and a lot can happen. Reinforcements can arrive, or you could use the time to think up a plan."

"I was a bit too busy to think," Negi said, accepting his own towel.

"That's what training is for," Erebus said sagely. "To make fighting instinctive so you can make use of the time you buy to think. I've done some of my best thinking during fights. Now, it's time for my promise."

Negi perked up. "A new spell?"

Erebus nodded. "Takane-san, could I have a target please? One sturdy enough to take maybe two arrows?"

Takane complied, making a one of her low-level puppets as Erebus took on his lecturely pose. " _Dios Tukos_ ," he said, prounoncing it with a Grecian accent, "is a fast casting, High-Ancient Magic from the high end of the mid-level spells. In raw power, it is slight less than _Jovis Tempestas Fulgurien_ , but it comes together very quickly and has a more focused strike, the ionized air in front of it forming a cutting edge when it hits, adding to its power and making it effective for single targets at close- to mid-range." He paused. "It is also one of father's favored spells."

Had Negi been Matoi, Itoshiki would have expected an ear-splitting " ** _!"_** to rend the air, so intense was his sudden focus.

_Somewhere in her own training, Matoi sneezed. "Ah! Chisame-sama is thinking of me!"_

_"I'm right here, Tsunetsuki…"_

"It's usually employed in a combo with an unincanted Sagitta Magica, disorienting the target and leaving it vulnerable for the main attack," Erebus said. "Like so."

He turned to the shadow puppet Takane had made and assumed a martial arts stance. There was a moment of stillness. Then he lunged. It wasn't _shundo_ , just an extremely quick lunge, his fist slamming into the puppet in tandem with his cry of " _SAGITTA MAGICA!_ " The angle of his punch, combined with the spell, launched the puppet up and backward at an angle.

" _Kenotetos astrapsato de temeto!_ " he incanted. " _DIOS TUKOS!_ "

Lightning seemed to leap up from his outstretched hand, only to arc downwards elegantly, striking the puppet from above. The puppet was cleaved in two to the sound of thunder.

For a heartbeat, Negi was back in the bloody, burning snow, watching a hooded Mage strike down a demon the size of a building like the wrath of god…

He blinked, and saw Erebus looking at him, understanding in his eyes. "Yes," the other boy said quietly. "That's what he used that night."

Negis face firmed. "Teach me."

As Erebus left Negi to study and practice the spell, Itoshiki mused thoughtfully, "You said 'is'."

"I beg your pardon?" Erebus said.

"When you spoke of Nagi-san, you said it 'is' one of his favored spells," Itoshiki said quietly, too low for Takane, who was helping Ai annotate her notes and looked like she might do something violent at all the girl's apologizing for getting it wrong, to hear. "Not 'was'…"

"Yes," Erebus said simply, and said nothing more.

Itoshiki stared at him intently, trying furiously to extinguish the small, fluttering blue flame of hope in his heart that response kindled. It stubbornly refused to die.

Stupid hope.

….

** Ku vs. Dan. **

After having dinner at the Chao Bao Zi and helping with some tables since Chachamaru and Hakase had taken a day off, Ku Fei was heading back home. Haruna had told her she'd be sleeping over at Nodoka and Yue's tonight, so she had no particular hurry to get back to an empty room. She strolled at a calm, lazy pace, arms crossed behind her neck, not ready for anything but a quick shower and hitting the pillow right after getting back there.

Certainly not ready for a loud male shout interrupting her simple, average thoughts at the middle of her way.

"Hey there! Your name's Ku Fei, isn't it?-!"

Since her name actually was Ku Fei, she stopped right on her tracks and looked back curiously. She saw a strange, goofy looking man in a pink karate gi, with a black belt on, his feet bare. Something about him gave the strong and odd impression of a cartoon Steven Seagal. His thin black hair was long, tied into a fine ponytail.

She nodded, her green eyes wide open. "Yep, that's me! Who are you?"

The man smirked smugly, tilting his head aside and closing his eyes. "You don't recognize me? Maybe you aren't as well learned about the Art of Fighting as I had been told! Still, I made my way here to meet you, so I won't be coming back just yet! Not until I have tested you, girl! I am..." he posed, lifting his fists up and flashing a pearly white grin, "Hibiki Dan! Best known as The King of Fighters! The pink torpedo of the Saikyo Groove! The undefeated champion of the all new Mahora City Saikyo School!"

"When did you open that school?" Ku Fei asked with innocent curiosity and a finger on her mouth.

"Yesterday. But that isn't the issue!" the man said, as curious onlookers began gathering around them. "To prove my worth in this area, I challenge you to an epic battle, you, scourge of all local fighters! Heartless beast who yells bloody dominion through your steel fists! Near murderous amazon! You— You—" He made a pause, brimming inside before asking, "Say, you sure you are Ku Fei? I pictured you as being taller..."

The Chinese girl scowled. "Yes. Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm Ku Fei!"

"Just checking. Anyway, I challenge you to a fight!" he laughed.

Ku turned around and began walking away. "I don't fight weaklings-aru."

"WHAT?-!" he screamed. "W-What?-!" he screamed some more, running after her and stepping into her way. This annoyed the dark skinned blonde even more. "You can't brush me off as weakling just like that! How can you say I'm a weakling without even giving me the chance to show my incredible power!-?"

"You have terrible posture," Ku began lecturing him. "You assume a ready pose, but it leaves you with so many openings my baby cousin could rush in and slap you. You're out of shape with a bigger gut than you should have, and from your introduction, I can say you're cocky and overconfident. I doubt you have a true fighting spirit in you, much less the skill to carry on it."

"What? What? What?" the man repeated, fuming in place, nearly hopping up and down. "You little disrespectful girl! You're only afraid and looking for an excuse out! Assuming you're even Ku Fei! If you aren't, just say so! But if you are, then you're nothing like those local stories paint you!"

Ku growled, cracking her knuckles. "Fine, then. I see you need a good lesson-arune..."

The man called Dan laughed hysterically, taunting her with gestures of his hands. "Oh, by the time we're done, it's you who'll be taking lessons in my Dojo, sweetie! Come here, I promise I'll be kind!"

"I gave you a chance!" Ku reminded him, right before running into him and slamming a fist into his stomach. Dan's eyes bulged out of their sockets as the crowd that had gathered around them went wild.

Maybe, he considered while the next punch collided against his jaw faster than he could avoid it, he should have started looking for that 'Death Glasses' guy. After all, how tough could a man with glasses be?

….

** Adventure Time with Chisame, Hakase and Matoi. **

"Time's running," Asakura reminded Chisame, Hakase and Matoi as they escaped from a gigantic loose boulder while running through a narrow cave passage.

...

"And if you don't get to the path's end in time, you'll have failed the test," the redhead continued, while all four of them waddled through a pit full of fetid, rancid, mudlike substance that slowed them down, Satomi barely stopping for a few moments to take a few samples for later study. Moving through it was difficult and weighed them down, especially since they were up to their chests in it.

...

"Won't that be a real pity?" Kazumi chuckled, while the group swam through a rapid river holding to each other for dear life, Hakase's extra arms serving as added weight to fight against the currents. "All this effort for nothing, just because you couldn't make it in time! Won't that be a laugh? I bet Boya will be soooo sad!"

"Shut up," Chisame growled, wiping wet hair off her face, as she crawled back into dry land, coughing. At least they washed all that disgusting mudlike stuff off themselves. On the other hand, the water was icy cold, and that, coupled with the way her shirt clung to her chest now, made her to get really bad vibes from the hypnotized way Matoi stared at her. "Look elsewhere, pervert!"

"What has been seen, can't be unseen," Tsunetsuki obeyed, but smiled pleasantly as she did so.

Chisame already was dashing farther into the woods, trying to forget how tired and sored all over she felt. "We still can do it! There can't be that much path left ahead! I won't lose after suffering this much!"

"Y-Yes, neither will I..." Hakase agreed, with a weaker voice.

Matoi looked around while retaking her position behind Chisame, distracted by something enough to forget for a moment how Chisame's soaked skirt also clung to her buttocks. "By the way, where did Doll-san go to?"

Hakase looked around as well. "My, you're correct. What is the meaning of this? She was supposed to be our guide. Without her, how will we know which way to take?"

Chisame told her, "We can't take any way, period. The path ends here." She knocked on the impossibly tall wall of solid rock rising before them. "There were barriers like these under Library Island, too. They go as high up as we can see. I think they're the limits for this closed simulated space."

"Then we've won?" Matoi put her hands together. "And everything's thanks to your brilliant leadership, Chisame-sama!"

"No, you haven't passed just yet. There is still one final test. One last trial by combat," Evangeline's voice said, coming out of nowhere, yet from everywhere.

"Against who?" Chisame scowled. "You?"

"No," the voice spoke with dark amusement, before coldly saying, "Each other."

….

… **And a Cast of Thousands. With ELEPHANTS! And FANSERVICE!**

As they wheeled the beaten down man in a pink karate gi into the hospital, he still wouldn't stop twitching in the stretcher, giggling hysterically at random intervals. "Ha! Hee hee! I let you win! So the joke's on you! But I really like your spirit, girly! I'll have you as my student ye— OWW! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! PAINKILLERS! PAINKILLERS!-!-!"

As they passed next to a small recovery room, one of the girls sitting near the beds frowned, looking at the strange noisy man. "Looks like someone else ran into that Ku Fei chick again..."

Ignoring Kyoko's no doubt baseless guessing, Miki Sayaka smiled at the boy lying on the bed next her chair. "Well, I'm afraid I must go now, Kyosuke-kun. I'd have liked to stay longer, but... you know, visiting hours are almost over..."

"I understand," the clear haired, taller boy nodded sparsely, not really looking at her.

"Well, in any case, we'll leave with your new friend, so you won't be alone anymore!" Sayaka tried to laugh, although it just didn't come out. "Okay?"

"Okay," Kyosuke said, absently nursing his heavily bandaged hand.

Next to the other bed in the room, a very pretty young blonde with huge baby blue eyes was also saying her goodbyes to an older blond boy who coughed a few times. "We also gotta go, Takaaki-kun, but I promise I'll be back tomorrow. Do you want me to bring you something in particular?"

"No. Not at all," the second boy said, just as flatly as the first one.

"Well, let's go, then!" a short haired tomboy in a green shirt and shorts stood up from her chair behind the blond beauty's. "It was about time," she muttered to herself before grabbing the redhead sitting at her right by an arm. "Earth calling to Momoko, we're about to take off..."

The redhead blinked, munching with her mouth full, looking up from her bag filled with bombons. "Uh?" she said after swallowing. "We're going already, Kaoru? Okay!" She walked to both boys and placed a bombon on each one's chest. "Take good care, both of you, okay?"

Kyoko sighed heavily, following Matsubara Kaoru to the door. "I need some fresh air..." she mused, ignoring Sayaka's newest hostile glare. A silent Mami followed them, hands crossed over her lap.

The six girls stepped outside, into the dying afternoon.

"Well, now that was depressing," Kyoko opined.

"Yeah, pretty much," Kaoru agreed.

"No one forced you to come!" Sayaka growled.

"I think they're coming along nicely," Mami said. "I'm sure they'll be out and back to their feet in a couple months at most! Don't you agree, Daikotouji-san?"

The smaller, younger blonde nodded. "I hope so, Tomoe-sempai..."

For the last few days they had been coinciding in visit hours after Kyosuke and Takaaki had been moved in together. Mami had ended up seeing a lot of herself in the younger girl- both grew up without parents, raised by relatives to be well behaved proper friends, in luxury but still lacking that something the likes of the carefree Momoko and the girl-next-door Sayaka had in their lives.

"Me too, since these visits are a real bore," Kyoko spoke again.

"Like I told you, no one's even asking you to tag along," Sayaka mumbled.

"Don't say that, Sempai! You're always so edgy and distant..." Akatsutsumi Momoko pouted. "We should bond more and cut this horrible mood we have going on! Ah, I know! Why don't we all go for an ice cream? I know an excellent place near here!"

"I have no interest on doing anything with y—" Kyoko began, but stopped in mid sentence. "Did you say ice cream?"

Around half an hour later, Sayaka stared in appalled disgust as Kyoko and Momoko kept on competing fiercely, digging into their eight cups of ice cream at a stomach churning speed. "... You... You should stop doing that! It just can't be healthy!"

Kaoru grimaced, her face going slightly green. "Momoko, you have 'diabetes' written all over your future..."

"I'm okay! My metabolism processes sugar very quick! The doctor said so!" the girl with a red bow on her head said between mouthfuls. "Oh, I ran out of it again! Saku-chan!" she called out. "Bring me a chocolate and pistachio special, will you?-!"

Just as quickly, Kyoko downed the last of her vainilla jumbo down. "Yeah, well, a strawberry surprise for me!"

"Coming up!" a young woman with her golden hair made in braids, wearing glasses and a blue kimono, said from the kitchen. As they waited, Momoko patted herself in the stomach and laughed. "Ah, I feel like I can keep doing this for hours! Ready to give up, Sempai?"

"Never," Kyoko snorted. "I'll win this bet even if I have to blow up from the inside for it!"

Kaoru chuckled, relaxing back on her seat. "Better watch out, Momoko. If you get fat, Negi-sensei won't like you..."

Mami blinked, widening her eyes a bit. "Negi-sensei?"

"Yeah!" Kaoru chuckled again, poking a thumb on her gluttonous friend's direction. "Momo here likes him. Then again, she likes all boys who aren't taken, and even like half of those who are..."

Momoko pouted. "That's a mean thing to say, Kaoru-chan. I only happen to like Aoki-sensei, Sagara-sempai, Takashi-sempai, and Negi-sensei..."

"You said you liked Takahata-sensei too..." Miyako reminded her.

"Shhhh!" Momoko hushed her. "Last time you said that in public, Kagurazaka-sempai overheard!"

"And Itoshiki-sensei," Kaoru replied.

"I only said he has elegance and refination..."

"Didn't you say you liked that Harima Kenji thug, too?" Kaoru scratched her own nose.

"Well, he is intense and athletic, yes, but..."

"And Takamachi-san's older brother?" Miyako remembered.

"Well, yes, but..."

"And that Chizuno Masuto guy in college?" Kaoru pointed out.

"HE WAS HOT!"

"What about that Senou Kaede guy?"

"Ah, the bish…"

"And even that effeminate guy in Suzumiya-sempai's bunch of weirdos?" Matsubara finished.

"Okay, yes, but Negi-sensei's still my favorite!" Momoko protested vigorously.

Mami paled visibly. Miyako, smart even if somewhat ditzy at times girl she was, noticed it quick. "Are you feeling okay, Tomoe-sempai?"

"Ah, ah yes, why, it's nothing, it's just..."

"She likes Negi-sensei too," Kyoko slurped her Coke noisily through a straw, wondering what was taking her order so long.

Sayaka and Mami became both salt statues.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow.

Miyako just put a hand over her own mouth. "Oh dear."

But Momoko, after a moment of shock, only stood up and laughed, hands on her slim hips. "Ah ha ha! That's okay! I just love a good challenge! Glad to have you as my rival in love, Tomoe-sempai!"

"Your... rival...?" Mami blurted out. "Oh, I don't think we quite should—"

Momoko shook a finger. "No need to be shy about it! These things are best done in the open! Fairly competing head to head! It brings thrills to my heart, to think of this intense race for true love!"

Kaoru leaned on Mami and whispered, "I wouldn't worry. She's never had a boyfriend, and even that Kotokon girl from 3-F could steal a guy away from her. Besides," she looked up and down at Mami's generous chest, "I think you have two major advantages over her. Isn't that right, Saku-chan?" she asked the approaching owner of the small business.

The young woman blinked. "Excuse me? I'm afraid I wasn't quite following your conversation. Here you go, Momoko-chan, Kyoko-san..."

"Oh, thanks a lot!" Momoko grabbed her spoon again, but right before she could dig in, a soft cough stopped her and Kyoko.

They turned around to see a short, pale girl with long black hair standing close, dressed in Goth Loli style. A similarly sized blonde with blue eyes, in a skanky red dress with an extremely short skirt and high heels stood right besides her, with a mortified expression on.

"Excuse me," the Goth Loli said. "But I understand you are having an 'all you can eat' competition?"

Kyoko and Momoko nodded at once.

The Goth Loli sat down between them with a placid smile. "How many have you eaten so far?"

"Eight," the two of them chorused.

"Only eight? Tsk," the pale girl snapped her fingers. "Nee-chan, bring me eight All Star specials so I can catch up to them, then we'll restart the competition, okay? Let's make it a three way, got it? I'll give you the time while I'm eating to rest since you're still young, and then I'll show you what's eating sweets all about..."

"Stocking..." her companion said, "We really have no time for this. We have an appointment with the Father, and then I'm going for a date..."

"This won't take long," the one oddly named 'Stocking' promised, even as Mami, Kaoru and Sayaka stared on in disbelief.

Kyoko and Momoko gained dangerous glints in their eyes.

"Oh, so you think you can come out of nowhere and challenge us like that, do you?" Kyoko said.

"Yeah, well, we'll show you a few things about that!" the other redhead promised.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Sayaka told Mami.

"Actually, me too... I think this may turn me off sweets forever..." Mami nodded, taking her hand to her neck for some reason...

Kyoko suddenly semed to remember something and looked at her wristwatch. "Oh, just look at the time! I think I gotta go now. I have… some important things to do, someone to talk with…"

….

** Friends. **

"Each..." Chisame began, not really noticing how her mouth had hung a bit open.

"... other?" Hakase finished dubiously. "What objective would that serve?"

"I only will be accepting one of you as a disciple here," Evangeline's voice warned. "And that will have to be the one who's the most useful to Boya. To determine that, I want to see you fighting each other to the finish. Then, and only then, I will consider the winner worth her stay here." A beat. "Plus it'll probably be funny as hell!"

"You can't impose that on us, just like that!" Chisame protested.

"Of course I can! It's my home, and you are under my rules!" Eva said. "The nerve of you, pretending to dictate terms to _me_ , in _my_ own domain! Only for that insolence, I should award Hakase the victory immediately!"

"Hey, now!" Matoi stepped ahead and looked up. "Just because you're powerful as Hell and—"

"Silence, worm!" the shout was so loud Tsunetsuki felt herself shrinking back. "You're even less than either of them! You're an anchor! Dead weight! An unwanted annoyance that has to follow others against their will because they'll never be with you otherwise! Someone like you has no opinions worth listening to!"

Matoi wanted to be furious at that so desperately, but somehow, it hit so close to her heart she only could whimper. She tried to yell, but only a weak "That isn't true..." came out. She turned her eyes back to her goddess. "Right, Chisame-sama...?"

"Ahhh..." Chisame mouthed.

"Right?" Tsunetsuki pressed.

"Of course not," Satomi huffed, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Do not allow her to undermine your confidence, Sempai. She is quite clearly attempting the subterfuge of psychological warfare to achieve her goals of demoralizing us. A tried and true strategy in the history of human conflicts."

"Ah, yes, always the logical, Hakase Satomi," Evangeline mocked her lightly. "Always so sure of being right, aren't you?"

"Of course not," Hakase said, unfazed. "True learning cannot be achieved without being wrong several times along the way. Experimentation relies as much on error as it does on success, after all. I realize there are no conclusive, definite statements that are ever one hundred percent correct, but still, I'd say my statement about your approach is likely enough to make a solid guess on it."

"In other words," Chisame said for Matoi's benefit, "She wouldn't bet her life on it, but she believes Eva's bluffing."

"Ah," Matoi said.

"However, in the event you are serious about such an unfair decision, I would forfeit that hypothetical fight to Chisame," Satomi lowered her head. Hasegawa blinked in abrupt stupor. "I know Negi-sensei needs her more than he does me."

"Hey, hey!" the hacker gasped. "I think I don't like what I think you're thinking you're implying with that!"

Somehow, Eva's next words conveyed the feeling she was rubbing her chin and licking her lips. "Interesting. Giving up so fast after struggling past so much, Hakase Satomi? That's rather... illogical. Stupid, even. Are you, after all, so scarcely interested on your career as a Ministra? Has the harsh truth of this duty scared you back into your favorite venues of science?"

"I can multitask," Hakase countered. "And even if I can't train here, I'll find a way of my own. I'd prefer to leave this edge to Chisame."

"Why?" Evangeline sounded amused. "Because you know she's better than you? Because you feel pity for her? Because you think she's so much worse than you, she needs me much more? I want to know."

"Chisame is better than me at many areas, I'm much better in others," Satomi admitted, still unwavering. "For what is worth, I decided on this mainly because I think she makes a better partner for Sensei."

Chisame looked as if a scorpion had just stung her between the eyes. Matoi looked as if she honestly had no idea of what to do about Hakase's statement.

"So you do admit you're her inferior in what we are supposed to do here," you almost could see Eva's smirk becoming sadistic, as if she expected to find a critical breaking point any moment now.

"She and Sensei complement each other better, yes," Hakase nodded. "I know social interaction isn't my forte, and to be a really good partner, you seem to need a strong personal link to your Magister..."

She almost sounded sad now.

Evangeline was silent for a long while. "Then, you would renounce your chance for growth in that area just because both of their sakes?"

"Not the only chance," Hakase argued. "Like I said, I'm sure I can grow and develop as a Ministra even without practicing here. It's only I believe Chisame and Negi would be granted a better development if allowed to stay here together."

"In other words, you're sacrificing yourself for what you think is their best interest, stupid girl," the vampire muttered. "Just be honest about it!"

"I suppose that is one way you could interpret it," Satomi conceded.

The voice addressed Chisame now. "Would you accept such an agreement, Hasegawa Chisame?"

"I... I..." the girl drew in a deep breath and said, "I'd prefer if all of us could stay together."

Matoi made an annoyed sound with her mouth.

"But if I accepted it, what would you do? Quit in solidarity to her?" Eva went on. "Or stay here, even knowing I'd place both the weight of her tasks and yours on your shoulders? Knowing you'd have to endure through tests even harder than this one, all alone?"

"She'd never be alone!" Tsunetsuki claimed.

"Silence, Pactio-less girl!" Evangeline commanded.

"No!" Matoi cried. "I'm not dead weight, darn it! My opinions matter! I'll have you know I'm a damned good photographer!"

They all looked at her.

"I'm just saying my opinions regarding photography would have weight," Matoi sniffed.

"I'd... remain," Chisame found herself saying. "Because otherwise, I'd have rendered Hakase's sacrifice useless, and now Sensei would have to rely even more on me."

Evangeline broke into laughter.

"Y-Yeah, I realize how utterly idiotic that sounded!" Chisame roared.

After a few more guffaws, Eva could finally control herself enough to say, "You have passed. Both of you. At least for today."

"Okay, then," Chisame breathed easier now, but still kept on a grouchy facade. "Not that I'm complaining, but... why?"

"Well," Evangeline started, "While someone as truly powerful as me has no need for such inanities, puny weaklings like you will need to rely selflessly on each other. You must think in terms of the unity of the whole, rather than your own personal benefit. For that, you must think of your collective Magister as the glue keeping all of you together. If any of you pulls him apart from the others, the whole thing will fall apart. Thus, when you fight for him, you need to consider who will be the greatest asset for him, _**and**_ for the rest of you, at any given time."

"In other words, we need start thinking like team players," Chisame droned.

"Pretty much. I must say it's mildly surprising you two, loners without any social experience, misfits with barely any semblance of a family life, even, to realize that before the others," Eva admitted.

Chisame's eyes grew narrow. "What do you know about _our_ family lives?"

"More than you do about _mine_ ," the vampire shot back in the same tone. "Regardless, I still will ask you to fight each other."

"And why's that?" Hakase asked.

"You two are, mostly due to your coexistence, the two Ministra who are the closest to Boya," the voice said. "In battle, he'll instinctively tend to look after you first, and look for your help first. Hence, it'd be for the best if we start priming one of you for the role of field leader."

"Field leader?" Matoi echoed, dumbfounded.

"That's what I said, yes," Evangeline scoffed. "In a group of several fighting partners, one of you will have to take a lieutenant position for your master. It's a matter of basic organization. Without a second in command, your team will fold like a castle of cards in the wind as soon as your master's not available to guide you around. In the other Boya's team, Kagurazaka assumed that role, but I don't quite believe our own Kagurazaka has the devotion needed for that task just yet. And the other three are just too unreliable. Pathetic as you are, you two still are the best options for that Boya's got."

Chisame had grown slightly pale. "Wait a darn second. Are you telling us we gotta fight each other to see who gets the job of being Sensei's second at command?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn't something like this be decided through other means, not a mere display of physical power?" Hakase doubted.

"If I wanted just to choose the one who would win a fight between all of you, I'd just have brought all six of you here," Evangeline said, "And then it'd be either Kasuga or Shiina at charge. The former, laughable as she is, still can take all of you down if she actually puts her mind into it. Unlike the other Boya's Ministra, you are still untrained and completely unfocused, while she at least has previous magical training, and the speed to take you all down before you even realize it. And the later... well, she still could win, somehow. Think about it. Do you **really** want to see either of them leading over you?"

"Hell no!" Hasegawa cringed.

Hakase hesitated. "Well, as much as I value Sakurako-chan, I don't believe she's ready for such a responsibility yet, and I would like to think that, in our relationship, I am the... how would you call it..."

"The seme?" Matoi offered.

"I think that is the adequate term, yes..." Satomi nodded absently.

Chisame made a disturbed face, then sighed. "Okay. Fine. I got it. You chose us for this because we're the only ones in this team with working brains..."

"No. With what passes for them," Eva corrected her. "Plus it would be frickin' hilarious!"

"Right, because if we had actual brains, we wouldn't even be here!" Chisame snapped, only to puff, pulling the sceptre back out. "Still, a leader's gotta be strong, right? So you want us to test our mettle in combat, as well..."

The voice made an appreciative sound. "To impose your will over the other partners, you'll need to grow imperative enough to be respected. For that, in turn, you need being able to put your weight behind your words. From your current stance, I see you accept this condition, Hasegawa Chisame, but what about you, Hakase?"

Satomi frowned, preparing her extra arms. "If Chisame's okay with it, so am I, but I don't believe it'll be too much of a fair fight. Her Artifact is designed to control machinery, so it's pretty much tailor made to counter mine, and then some."

"True. That's why, for the sake of testing what really matters here, you are forbidden from using your Artifact to take over Hakase's, Hasegawa. You only will engage in direct physical conflict. Are you still okay with that?"

"Yes, I am," Chisame gained more of a driven expression. Tsunetsuki swooned.

"Good. Because otherwise, I'd have declared Hakase the winner," the vampire snarked. "Very well, then. You will duel until one of you surrenders or is unable to keep on fighting. The winner will be given field authority over the other one, although I advice not trying to stress that upon the others just yet. I doubt they'd... take it well."

"You can bet on that," Chisame said, Hakase and her eyeing each other carefully.

"Begin then."

There was a single sound of clapping, and then, while Matoi shouted encouragement to her beloved from the sidelines, both girls with glasses charged against each other with nearly identical battle cries.

Said cries, by the way, sounded so incredibly nerdy Eva began regretting not picking Asuna for the job. At least she yelled like a real hot blooded woman, not a geek angry over having a pocket protector stolen.

….

** Sakurako vs. Nodoka. **

Sakurako sighed as Nodoka stepped forward. Getting such a harrowing test from Yue had been unexpected enough, but surely Nodoka-chan wouldn't put her through anything too bad. After all, it was Nodoka-chan! Sweet, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly Nodoka-chan. Even if she was from another world, Nodoka wouldn't be capable of doing anything evil to her, would she?

_In a far-off, decadent universe, Miyazaki Nodoka sneezed…_

Nodoka coughed nervously. "W-well, Shiina-san, Haruna has tested you e-evasion skills, and Yue-chan has tested your basic tactical and ethical patterns. Now, I'll be testing your combat and survival skills. As a s-support person, you won't be f-facing the enemy directly— except, um, you know, when you have no choice— "

Yue and Haruna both snorted _very_ loudly, the latter smirking in amusement, the former giving Nodoka a _very_ bland look. Nodoka blushed.

"Ahem. W-well, shall we get started? T-the first test shall be simple," Nodoka said. "You must attempt to disarm and s-subdue me by any means necessary. We will both be equipped with only our Artifacts. This is to test your aggressiveness and imagination. If you're anything like Sakurako was at this age, all your training in self-defense consists of Takahata-sensei's safety lectures, so I will try not to hurt you."

"Eh? I thought you said support people don't face the enemy directly!" Sakurako said.

"Well, if the enemy somehow manages to slip through—" Nodoka began.

"Or, say, someone decides to teleport _directly next to the enemy_ to use their Artifact on them," Haruna inserted, smirking.

Nodoka blushed. "Um, yes," she said while Yue coughed, giving jer a bland look. "Well, something might happen that will require you to defend yourself directly. Best to be prepared." Nodoka drew out her card and murmured " _Adeat_ ". Sakurako was still a bit surprised at how passive and low-key the activation was. All that happened other than the Artifact appearing was a brief, mild wind rising that barely raised Nodoka's skirt. The book floated in front of Nodoka, who took a moment to adjust the wing-like earpiece she wore. "Let us begin, Shiina-san. R-remember, it's not enough to fend me off. You need to disarm and s-subdue me. Ready?"

Hastily, Sakurako spread her feet the way Haruna had taught her during her segment of training, the better to dodge and evade with. She raised her pompoms. "Ready!"

"Then we begin," Nodoka said and, book still hovering next to her, she charged.

Sakurako didn't run now. She really didn't think it was fair to have the most soft-spoken of the librarians train her in this. This must be very difficult for Nodoka. Still, it seemed too easy. She imagined some way she could hamper Nodoka's attack. Yue said her Artifact used her luck to somehow change things to either help her friends or harm her enemies, based on her unconscious thoughts, though when it granted powers it based it on what would be most beneficial to the receiver. But maybe if she made a conscious effort…

 _Tripping_ , she thought. She'd make Nodoka trip. She concentrated and, reacting to some kind of instinct, waved the left pompom at Nodoka, and just shook the right one. "Winds of destiny, change!"

_Somewhere, Wanda Maximoff sneezed inside her room at the Bayville Brotherhood house. This threw off her brother's rhythm, but they got back to what they were doing…_

Before she finished the movement, however, Nodoka was already dodging sideways, actually diving into a roll before charging at Sakurako again. A rock where Nodoka would have run through suddenly rolled exactly where Nodoka would have put her next step if she hadn't gotten out of the way, and likely would have tripped her.

Sakurako thought all this as a suddenly close Nodoka grabbed her still-extended left arm, spun, and suddenly Sakurako was flying over the little librarian's shoulder, wondering why the world was upside down, before slamming hard onto the ground on her back with a rather unlady-like " _Oof!_ ".

"Ah! Shiina-san, are you all right?"

Sakurako blinked rapidly as she struggled to make sense of things. "What the hell just happened?"

Haruna smirked, pointing. "You've just been Nodokaed.

Sakurako pouted. "That doesn't explain anything," she said.

"Nodoka just judo-flipped you," Yue said, rolling her eyes at Haruna. "Don't mess with the poor girl!"

Sakurako frowned in determination. "Let me try that again…"

They reset.

This time Sakurako didn't delay, waving the left pompom at Nodoka the moment she started running. "Winds of destiny, change!"

Nodoka dodged again, but Sakurako was ready now, her pompom re-aimed…

Nodoka took a dive, and Haruna suddenly helped as the curse flew to her instead, her foot getting stuck as it suddenly collapsed through a hole in the ground. This time Nodoka swept Sakurako's feet out from under her, before twisting the cheerleader's left hand behind her back and making her drop the pompom.

"The heck?-!-?-!-?" Sakurako cried. "Can we try that again?"

As they reset for another attempt, Haruna leaned to Yue. "How long before we tell her about the mind-reading book?"

Yue hummed thoughtfully. "Not yet. After all, deciphering your opponent's abilities is an important part of battle…"

They settled down to watch Nodoka embarrassedly kick ass

"Yue, are you staring at Nodoka's ass?"

" _I WASN'T STARING!_ "

_A universe away, Magical Girl Reaper-chan Fate Testarossa sneezed…_

….

** Chisame vs. Hakase. **

Matoi's heart was beating much faster now, as she saw her beloved princess and Forehead going at it.

In the 'Going at it' sense she didn't mind seeing, that is.

It was clear as pure water they both were greatly holding back, but it still was a sight to behold. True, they still lacked the grace and agility the experienced Ala Alba fighters had, and at times, it seemed like they had just given two physically clumsy schoolgirls powers and let them run wild with them... never mind, that was exactly what was happening... but even so, it also was obvious they were trying their best.

Chisame seemed to have an edge based on superior range, and better speed since she didn't have to carry such a heavy backpack, but still, even the few glancing hits from those metal hands that grazed Chisame were enough to make Matoi gasp in horror. Her beloved clenched her teeth and winced with every impact, just as Satomi did whenever an electric bolt of her roommate landed on her.

Briefly, they stood still apart from each other, huffing and gasping for air.

"You know, beating the stuffing out of you is kinda fun, after all..." Chisame admitted wheezily.

Hakase coughed. "I was under the impression you were on the losing side. You may have scored more direct hits, but each one of mine has caused more damage on you. Surrender, Chisame. I really don't want to leave any lasting damage on you."

"Nahh. That Konoka will take care of it, remember?" the hacker forced herself to stand straighter. "Not to offend, but I really don't want to be taking orders from you."

Hakase paused, seeming to consider those words for a moment. "On the other hand, I wouldn't mind taking orders from you. That's what I already do in a daily basis, isn't it? Telling me when to bathe..." she began, charging ahead with a punch.

"You forget it otherwise," Chisame dodged, then countered with a scepter blast to the backpack itself.

"Telling me I can't bring mass destruction weapons home..." Hakase continued, joining both hands and slamming them down together, with Chisame barely lifting a barrier in time.

"Naturally! Sensei could stumble into them while walking to the toilet in the middle of the night!" Chisame just whacked her across the head with the staff herself.

"Boooo-ooooooring..." Evangeline's voice monotoned.

"That's another thing that annoys me," Satomi confided, grabbing Chisame by an arm and tossing her around. "You always decide who'll sleep in which side of Negi-sensei, and I always get the back!"

"That's because it's **my** bunk you two sneak into!" Chisame screeched to a halt, sinking her feet in the ground in mid-toss. "And the only reason why I get the front is because I'm the one who comforts him when he starts sobbing in dreams! I'm only saving you that hassle!"

"I wouldn't consider it a hassle!" Hakase tried to grab her by an ankle, failed, and got a kick to the head. "Ow! That was rougher than necessary!"

"Sorry," Chisame apologized before kicking her down again, softer this time. "Better?"

"Yes, indeed," Satomi nodded. Truth be told, she was starting to get some strange sort of thrill out of being hit by Chisame. Was this how Tsunetsuki-sempai felt?

Tsunetsuki herself stared in disbelief as both younger girls continued trading attacks, releasing nearly two years' worth of hidden, pent-up frustrations over living together.

"You're still a baby I have to lead around!"

"I'm growing into being my own person!"

"You lack determination when dealing with others! Kakizaki and Kasuga would chew you out alive!"

"I can subdue them! I even could make them Guinea pigs if I wanted to!"

"You have no idea how the real world works!"

"You aren't much better!"

And yet, by the time they both were barely on their feet anymore, spent and black eyed, they were smiling goofily at each other.

"You're so damn stubborn," Chisame had a coughing fit, her broken glasses hanging loose from her face.

"You are such an enigma..." Hakase gurgled, her black hair loose around, messily falling all over her face and shoulders. "Why do you, of all people, make me feel angry and yet safe at once?"

"You mean... like a mother...?"

"I guess... that's one way to put it..." the genius nodded erratically.

"Then, if I'm like your Mom..." Chisame aimed the scepter at her again, and it shook like crazy in her trembling hand, "... be a good daughter and accept me as your leader."

"Okay," with a stiff nodded, Hakase stumbled ahead. "But first... tell me a good biography before bedtime, okay...?" she muttered, her eyes going vacant before collapsing in Chisame's arms.

"Hakase!" the taller 3-A student gasped.

Matoi approached them and checked on Hakase's status with the skill she had adquired from months stalking Shizuka-sensei, the school nurse. "She's okay, she's only too tired to go on. A few hours of sleep and a whole lot of bandages Abiru-chan's style should do the trick, even if Konoe-san doesn't heal her. Congratulations, Chisame-sama!" she patted her adored one on a shoulder. "I knew you would emerge victorious in the end!"

Chisame smiled again, in a wide, spaced out way. "Thank you... for that faith... Matoi."

And then she, as well, collapsed upon Hakase, both girls falling together in a heap to the ground.

"GAH! CHISAME-SAMA!" Tsunetsuki panicked. "PLEASE, EVA-SAMA! HELP! PARAMEDICS! BLACK JACK! I'LL DONATE ALL MY BLOOD AND ORGANS FOR CHISAME-SAMA IF IT'S NEEDED!"

Evangeline's voice sighed whimsically. "As long as it isn't your brain, because then even Sasaki would end up a loser with the trade..."

….

** Stupid Sexy Negi-kun. **

They were the first ones back to the court on the top of the tower.

"I guess the others aren't done yet," Erebus said, sitting down on a stone bench. He stretched. "How do you feel?"

"Ugh…" Negi groaned, all his bumps and bruises finally catching up with him.

Erebus scratched his head in embarrassment. "Ah. Sorry. Don't worry, Konoka-san will be able to patch you up."

"You know, I haven't spoken to you about that," Chamo said as he leapt onto a stone bench. "Why Konoka-san? I can understand Asuna-san… and Setsuna-san is a kendoka, so that makes sense too…

"And I've fought Yue-san—" Negi said.

"And Haruna-san," Itoshiki added, shuddering in horror.

"But I don't understand how Honya-chan and Konoka-san could get involved in this!" Chamo exclaimed. "Konoka-san can't have become involved because of Asu-nee, because she's involved here but Konoka-san isn't, so how? Why? And Miyazaki-san—!"

At that moment, a teleport sigil opened, and out appeared Haruna, Yue, Nodoka and—

"SHIINA-SAN!" Negi gasped, injuries forgotten as he rushed to his student, Erebus right behind him out of habit. "What happened?-!" Negi looked at Yue.

Itoshiki looked at Haruna darkly. She smiled disarmingly.

"I'm sorry, Negi-san!" Nodoka said, trying to bow apologetically and support Sakurako at the same time. For some reason, Ai sneezed. "But Sakurako-chan insisted on pressing on, so…"

"Ugh…" the cheerleader groaned. Her clothes were smeared with dust and mud, as were her face and limbs, and her hair was a mess. "Pain… so much pain… ugh…"

"We told her Nodoka would mess her up," Haruna chirped, "but she wouldn't listen!"

"Again…" Sakurako moaned. "Give me another shot…!"

"Maybe tomorrow, Sakurako-san," Yue said gently. "After a bath… and actual hand-to-hand training."

"I'm very sorry!" Nodoka repeated. Ai sneezed again.

Another sigil burst open, and Mei stepped out followed by Kuro and—

"KAKIZAKI-SAN!" Negi exclaimed again, rushing to his other student's side.

Kuro looked at Sakurako, then at Misa, being carried between her an Mei, and quirked an eyebrow. "Wow… it's a bad day to be a cheerleader."

Misa looked to be in an even worse state than Sakurako. Her bruises were nasty, her nose was bleeding, her fingers were raw, her knuckles skinned, and she looked like she'd been in a landslide. Or a volcano. She looked a little out of it, too.

"Minor concussion, maybe," Kuro said cheerfully. "But nothing our little Maga Alba can't fix. Needles here actually did pretty well."

"She won?" Chamo said.

"Oh no, I totally kicked her ass," Kuro said. "But she's got guts all right, kept getting back and tried to take me on. Played dirty too. Rocks, faking a broken leg, blinding me with dust, you name it!" She sounded impressed. "I can work with her."

Misa whimpered.

"Leave it to me Springfield!" Kuro said perkily. "I'll help teach her the fine art of not dying when people try to kill her!"

_Somewhere, Emiya Shiro and Jack Rakan sneezed._

"Um, thank you, Kuro-san?" Negi said.

"Oh, please, just Kuro," she said. "I'm German, after all. No need for keigo. We Europeans have to stick together!"

"Uh, okay…" Negi said hesitantly.

There was another teleport sigil. Negi turned to it frantically, wondering which of his students had gotten themselves injured.

The first thing out of it was laughter as two figures roughly the same height stepped out, arms around each others shoulders. The companionable pose did nothing to hide the fact that one was obviously leaning her weight against the other.

"Asuna-san?" Negi said, not sure if he should be as concerned.

"Asuna!" Erebus cried, aghast. "What— ?"

The nearly completely uninjured one rolled her eyes. "Oh, relax Negi. This is perfectly normal while training, remember? Sheesh, just because it doesn't happen while you're watching and you act like I've been kidnapped and stuck in the center of an end-of-the-world ritual. Again."

Itoshiki twitched.

"What was that, onee-chan?" the other Asuna asked, to raised eyebrows. Onee-chan?

"Nothing imouto, just a running gag," Twilight said dismissively, helping Asuna sit down. "Konoka here yet?"

"No," Yue said, frowning and fingering her collapsable wand. "I might have to be the one to do the healing…"

On cue, another sigil opened up, dumping out Hakase, Chisame and Matoi, the stalker in the middle of the two supporting them. Judging from her expression, the joy of getting to carry Chisme was marred by having to carry Hakase. They too looked far from their best.

"Chisame! Hakase!" Negi cried, rushing over to them. "Matoi-san! Are you all right?-!"

Matoi laughed easily. "Why of course, Negi-sensei! My DEEP LOVE for Chisame-sama gives me infinite strength and fortitude!"

"My feet ache," Hakase said dully. "My legs ache. I long for my scooter."

"Stupid mountains," Chisame growled. "Stupid walking. Stupid, _stupid_ murder puppets!"

"They're fine," Haruna said. "If Chisame can complain about something, it means she's totally healthy."

"WHAT KIND OF INSANE TROLL LOGIC IS THAT?-!-?-!-?-!" Chisame cried.

"See?" Haruna said. "No one with lungs that healthy could possibly be too sick."

Matoi unceremoniously dumped Hakase on a stone bench next to Sakurako, making the mad scientist moan. The cheerleader was immediately all over her, and the small smile that flickered across Matoi's face said this was exactly as planned.

_All over the universe, too many people to list sneezed. This was, of course, exactly as planned._

"Here, you rest up, Chisame-sama," Matoi said, helping her sit down on another stone bench away from Hakase, supporting her admittedly tottery form.

"Thanks," Chisame said with gruff sincerity. The way Matoi's face brightened into a smile like a sunrise was almost depressing.

"Ah! Chisame-sama thanked me!" Matoi gushed, swooning, hands on her cheeks. Then she blinked. "Uh oh…"

Her eyes rolling back with a pained groan, Matoi collapsed to the ground, limbs twitching and inarticulate sounds of agony gurgling from her throat. "Chisame-sama…" she rasped.

Everyone stared at her for a moment.

"She was being _literal?"_ Kuro said.

With a sigh, Itoshiki picked up his student and set her on the bench next to Chisame. "Tsunetsuki-san's devotion can be quite powerful," he said blandly.

Negi looked at his assembled students in various states of exhaustion, pain and injury, eyes quivering. "Everyone…" he quavered weakly, hands clenching into fists. "Sakurako-san… Misa-san… Asuna-san… Matoi-san… Satomi-san… Chisame-san…"

Twilight Red sighed and nudged Asuna, getting her attention, then with some difficulty caught Chisame's eye. "Take notes," she said quietly, mouthing the words exaggeratedly for Chisame's benefit, and got up, hefting her harisen.

"This is all my—" Negi was saying, fists shaking. Twilight took a moment to adjust her move.

Negi was interrupted by an Anti-Magic harisen dope-slapping him upside the back of the head.

"Ow!" he cried, staring up at Twilight in surprise.

"Don't. Don't you _dare_ get started on the 'this is all my fault' train like the other genius idiot over there," Twilight said levelly. "You didn't put a gun to any of these girls heads. You didn't force them into a Pactio. They _all_ made the choice to train freely, and of their own will. Don't you DARE try to take responsibility for something THEY chose to do. They're your STUDENTS, Springfield, not your puppets. You teach them English and run homeroom. Beyond that, anything they do is on them. GOT THAT?-!"

Negi nodded mutely, eyes wide with terror. Erebus was unsuccessfully trying to hide behind an almost-amused Itoshiki, trying not to draw attention.

Twilight nodded in satisfaction and gave Asuna and Chisame a look. "Rinse and repeat as needed, okay?" she chirped.

A slow clap rose from the interior of the tower, and the two Evangelines stepped out, their respective Chachamarus behind them. "Well said, Kagurazaka Asuna," the one without a dust-mask said.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Your approval fills me with shame," she said sarcastically.

"You suck, Evangeline," Chisame growled.

"Yes, she does," McDowell said sultrily, a purr rising from her throat. Itoshiki suddenly sat down and crossed his legs as some of the girls coughed. The Negis just blinked.

"Okay, too much information," Asuna said.

"What— ?" Chamo began. Takane, a quick learner, stomped on him to shut him up.

A final teleport sigil opened, depositing Setsuna, Misora, Konoka and Cocone back into the resort.

"Oh, crap I hurt!" Misora cried piteously massaging her fist. "Setsuna's face is like rock! You guys have _no_ idea how much this hurts!"

Chisame, Hakase, Matoi, Misa, Asuna and even Sakurako gave the pseudo-nun a flat, unamused look.

Misora wilted. "Um, nevermind."

Konoka's eyes gained a fevered light, and her arm snapped up, her wand in it snapping out to full extension. _**"I'll heal you…!"**_ she said eerily. She reminded of Itoshiki of a bizarre, evil cross between Kafuka and Chiri.

Everyone leaned back slightly as Konoka began to stalk towards Sakurako like the Ala Alba girl was going to eat her. Sakurako cringed, clutching at Hakase's sleeve.

What followed was the creepiest, most disturbing magical healing that didn't involve Necromancy, metal tables to be lifted into lightning storms, and body-entering creepy-crawlies.

"I feel violated," Misa said. "And not in a good way."

"I think she had skulls in her eyes," Chisame said in rare agreement as they watched her working in Matoi. The girl apparently had bruises on her knuckles and a slightly dislocated wrist.

Erebus smiled reassuringly at them. "Konoka-san means well. It's just that she likes to heal people and she hasn't had anyone to treat in a while."

"That has a bunch of very disturbing implications," Asuna said, groaning in relief at no longer having all her bruises.

"Well, training's done at least!" Twilight said, rotating her shoulder. "Now we can eat, use the big hotspring baths, get massages from Chachamaru's sisters…"

"Oh, _no,_ Kagurazaka Asuna…" McDowell said, and an ominous feeling began to creep up Twilight's spine. " _They're_ training is done… now it's your turn."

"But we've been training all day!" Twilight cried.

McDowell snorted. "Oh please. This is training for you like Tic-Tac-Toe is an epic game with a sweeping romantic story, infinite customization, bosses worth the name, marred only by a stupid story choice."

"You're never going to let go of Aerith dying, are you?" Yue said.

"SHE UNDERSTOOD CLOUD FAR BETTER THAN TIFA DID!"

"Now, now master," Karakuri soothed.

McDowell huffed. "Girla! It's time for your training!"

Erebus jerked at attention, twitching only slightly at the address. "Y-yes Master!"

"You're to spar with Kagurazaka at full power for the next two hours," McDowell said. "Hold nothing back except your namesake. You've been slipping since we got here, but that ends now!"

Asuna paled. "T-two hours—!" she exclaimed.

Twilight patted her on the shoulder. "Relax," she told the younger girl. "She means me."

"Oh," Asuna said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Now, don't forget my student dress code, Kagurazaka," McDowell said. "You as well Ayase, Girla."

The two girls sighed resignedly, but lifted their Pactio Cards. A quick invocation later, and Yue was wearing a maid outfit that quite frankly was not suited to her breasts but did a lovely job showcasing her legs, while Asuna was clad in a bare-shouldered black dress with a black leather corset, a short dark skirt with a longer transparent showgirl skirt beneath that, arm-length gloves and thigh-high stockings, with raised heels and strategically placed red ribbons.

Chisame suddenly sat at attention, looking at Twilight's clothes covetously, fingers twitching for a notebook and pen to sketch with.

"Wh-what is _that!-?"_ Asuna demanded pointing.

"Her uniform, of course," McDowell said. "As my student, she's required to wear Elegant Gothic Lolita clothes at training."

Evangeline suddenly looked very thoughtful, eyeing Chisame and Hakase.

Negi frowned. "Wait, Yue-san is your student as well?

"My elemental affinity is ice, and Eva-san was willing to teach me," Yue said. "Eventually."

"Yeah, yeah, interesting exposition, let's get this over with," Twilight said, moving away from those resting. Erebus moved to meet her. "Hold it," McDowell said, and the two paused. The maybe-might-not-be Shinso was giving Negi an evil look not at all obscured by her mask. "You haven't changed into your clothes yet, Girla…"

Erebus blinked, a dark suspicion frantically trying to get his attention. "Master?"

McDowell snapped her fingers and Karakuri drew out…

A dress. It was black. It was frilly. It had enough ribbons to make a second dress. And it was Erebus's size.

He couldn't help it. He screamed.

….

As Erebus was getting dressed, exuding an aura of depression that Itoshiki professionally rated a 7 out of 10, Konoka finished the last of the healing.

"There! All done!" she chirped.

"Good," McDowell said. "Now get your ass over here!"

Setsuna twitched at the mention of that.

Konoka joined the rest of Ala Alba gathered around the vampire, while the locals caught their breaths on the benches.

"All right!" McDowell said imperiously. "Just because you're not at home is no reason to slack off! For all we know, when the Association gets around to getting us back, we return to the end of the world." A pause. "Again."

Everyone nodded seriously.

"They're not joking, are they?" Misora said to Chisame.

"According to the other me, no," Chisame said back.

"Ayase, you'll be training with Saotome," McDowell said. She gave the mangaka an assessing look. "You've come a long way in a year, but your endurance needs work. Your Artifact sends 1 percent of its damage when it's destroyed back to you, so the more you can take, the better. Especially if you're going to be making large numbers of golems or really big ones."

Haruna sighed dramatically, but made no complaint beyond that. They knew how well that worked on Evangeline.

"Ayase…" McDowell paused, considering. "You may only use spells to attack, though you can bring your gear. Try to avoid ice magic. After all this time, you need to learn new elements. And… yes. _Indulge_ yourself."

Yue's eyes widened fractionally, and a small smile curved her lips. Haruna gulped.

"Sakurazaki!" McDowell said. "Since Kagurazaka will be training with Girla…" A snicker. "You'll be training with Einzbern. She's the only other sword-user we have, and her combat style will keep you on your toes."

"Hey!" Kuro protested from the benches. "While I'm okay with helping Setsuna train, I don't have my usual prana sources here!"

Evangeline rolled her eyes. "Feed on Kasuga there. It's not like she's going to be doing anything useful with it."

Misora looked panicky. "Wait, what? No, count me out!"

"She's not my type," Kuro said. "Too stacked. Now, her friend, though…"

Cocone's eyes widened in surprise as Misora put her arm around her, pulling her back from the other dark-skinned loli. "Hey! Don't you dare touch Cocone, you pervert! Fine! You can use my magic— GAHBLGH!"

She was cut off in mid-sentence as Kuro pounced on, their lips meeting with a predatory impact more akin to a raptor diving on a rabbit than any sort of overture of affection. Cocone twitched, staring at Kuro's neck. All she had to do was reach and snap…

_In a distant decadent universe, Arika sneezed…_

As Misora wilted, drained, Kuro wipes her lips, seemingly ignoring the dark look Cocone was directing at her. "Meh. Nothing to write home about. Bland, uninspired, flat… oh, and her kissing needs work too." As she pulled back, she whispered out of the corner of her mouth at Cocone, "There, she's weak and softened up. Your move girl."

As Cocone blinked at her retreating back, Kuro walked casually over to Setsuna, who nodded to her in acknowledgment.

"Konoe, you'll be training with Nodoka," McDowell continued. "You need to know more than healing magic and ultra-basics, and Miyazaki needs more training to dodge magical attacks at pointblank range if she keeps on insisting on going right up to the enemy boss and asking for his name."

"I only did that _once…!"_ Nodoka murmured.

"And yet we will never let you forget it," Haruna laughed, clapping Nodoka on the shoulder.

From the inside of the tower, there was a sudden peal of uproarious laughter.

"Huh," Twilight said. "So _that's_ where Chisame's been…"

Calculator staggered up the stairs, clutching at her stomach and supported on both sides by her robot maids because she was laughing so hard. Behind her, an embarrassed 'Nelly' came up the stairs, blushing furiously.

Itoshiki twitched, and started slamming his head on the bench, muttering, "I KNOW I'm not gay, I KNOW I'm not gay, I KNOW I'm not gay…!"

"Mustn't masturbate in public, mustn't masturbate in public, mustn't masturbate in public…!" Misa muttered under her breath, fingers twitching.

Even Negi was having trouble controlling himself. "Mustn't laugh in his face, mustn't laugh in his face, mustn't laugh in his face…!" he choked.

Yue was staring. "It's probably a bad sign I'm turned on by that…" she muttered.

McDowell whistled loudly. "Hey! Train now, get off on Girla later!"

….

Nodoka and Konoka faced off against each other in the courtyard away from the pool.

"P-please be careful, Konoka-chan!" Nodoka said, pulling her hood down on her face.

Konoka rolled her eyes. "Nodoka, I know what librarian training involves, and I can tell you're wearing your _Auris Recitans_ under your hood. You're not going to psyche me out by making me underestimate you and your mind-reading book."

Sakurako blinked. "Wait, she has a _WHAT?_ "

"Mind-reading book," Misora said. "Evil, _evil,_ thing!"

"THAT'S why she kept kicking my ass!" Sakurako exclaimed.

Nodoka took a basic stance, ready to dodge. Konoka drew her wand.

A beat.

Nodoka dashed forward.

Konoka jumped back, waving her wand. " _Set-chan Alba Curaga Set-chan Amora Justica!"_ she incanted. " _Sagitta Magica—!"_

….

Yue gripped her Souken, her instincts yelling at her to close her legs and not stand with them so wide lest she give one of Haruna's tentacles— it's ALWAYS tentacles— an opening.

Haruna stood opposite her, book floating before her, looking confident.

"The poor girl doesn't stand a chance," Itoshiki said, standing against a wall with both hands covering his ass, his words a bit off because he was keeping his teeth clenched tight.

Negi nodded, practicing his Ancient Greek pronunciation. "Yes, she is. It's very unbalanced, really."

"Indeed. Saotome-san would violate her."

Negi frowned. "I don't see how. Ayase-san clearly outmatched her."

The two stared at each other.

"I will wager you," Itoshiki said.

Negi nodded. "Loser has to check the other's English test-papers for a month after the fieldtrips."

Itoshiki held out his hand. "Chamo-san, a witness!"

Chamo scrambled up to the two as Negi took his fellow teacher's hand and lay his little paws on them. "A gentleman's agreement!"

"Huzzah!" the two declared.

Yue charged, lance held before her.

Haruna's pen blurred, drawing a throned whip from the book's pages. She snapped it forward, raising sparks as Yue raised her Souken to block…

Okay, maybe it wasn't ALWAYS tentacles…

….

"You know, this fight might be good for you," Kuro said. "I heard you have problems fighting Lolis. This should put you in practice."

Setsuna frowned. "I don't where you heard that, but I don't have problems fighting young girls."

Kuro raised an eyebrow and undid her hairbun, letting the pale hair fall down her shoulders. "Are you sure about that… _Setsuna-sempai!"_

Setsuna made a full-body twitch. Had this been a manga, the previous speech bubble would have had a jarringly out of place heart. "Where did you find out about that?"

Kuro tilted her head in remembrance…

_"Really?" Kuro said, sharing a cup of tea with Tomoyo as the others held down an Erebea-mode Negi while Sakura tried to heal him with her ring's light in the background. "Sakurazaki has a stalker?"_

_Tomoyo nodded absently as she recorded the purification. "Yes. Tsukuyomi-sempai talks of nothing else. Well, nothing that doesn't involve killing, anyway."_

_"Huh," Kuro said, taking one of Shiro's cookies. "Who'd have thought…"_

"I have my ways," Kuro said loftily. " _Trace, on! Yoh Katana Hinata!"_

Setsuna twitched again as the cursed blade appeared in Kuro's hands. It had no possessing spirit within, but that did little to weaken its power.

"Cum, Setsuna-sempai…!" Kuro breathed creepily, the dark power of the blade staining the whites of her eyes black, her already-golden eyes beginning to glow with an unearthly light. "Satisfy me…!"

The third full body shudder wracked Setsuna as she drew Yuunagi to block the blade…

" _So_ much like porn," Misa breathed, fingers still twitching.

"Beat the bitch to pulp, kendo-sempai," Cocone said.

….

"This is so embarrassing," 'Nelly' said, resisting the urge to pull down her dress.

"Suck it up, prince," Twilight smirked, raising her blade.

He sighed and took a stance.

Asuna looked over at Chisame, bewildered at her drawing speed. "Wow, that's fast! I thought only Haruna could draw like that!"

"It's a special skill of our kind," Calculator said. "You know, I've got a bunch of designs you can have."

"Oh, does the Magical Girl thing not leave you a lot of time anymore?" Chisame asked.

"No, I've already used them," Calculator said. "They should last you few months."

Twilight blurred forward, blade sweeping.

" _Sagitta Magica!"_ Erebus cried, Arrows wrapping around his fist. " _Raikahouken!"_

A few minutes later, the literally earthshaking attacks started.

Chisame, Hakase and Asuna starred. "The hell—?-!" the hacker breathed.

"Kami-sama—!" Asuna gasped. "I'm going to be such a _BADASS!"_

"I need to get back to work on my lightning generator," Hakase murmured. "I just remembered…"

Calculator sighed, trying to keep her balance at the shaking. She looked around her at all the couples training. "Ugh. Why is it so wrong to be normal…?"

Karakuri smiled. "Well, at least everyone is having fun. Can you help me with dinner?"

Calculator sighed. "Oh, might as well…"

….

** We Warned you this Thing would have M Rated Parts at some Point… **

"You sure Iincho won't be comeing back yet?" Yuuna asked, sitting cross legged on the couch, watching a NBA game in the TV.

Makie shook her head, looking through the fridge for something to offer her friends. Since they were so close to the class trip, Ayaka hadn't seen fit to bother to fully stash on provisions for the couple days until then, so the gymnast, much to her distress, found they had ran out of soda.

"No, she told me she'd be out for a few hours. I think she's visiting Kazumi-chan," the pink haired girl closed the fridge's door and sighed. "Sorry, girls, but we don't have any drinks right now..."

"It's okay," Ako said. "I'm not really that thirsty..."

"By the way, Ako-chan," Yuuna asked. "Where's Akira now? Again with that volleyball girl?"

Ako nodded. "Yeah. They have become close very quickly; it seems it's almost everyday that Akira excuses herself to go out with her now."

Then the assistant nurse noticed Yuuna and Makie were looking at each other and smiling cagily. "What's wrong?"

Makie giggled. "Nothing! Nothing wrong! I'll be the last person ever to say that's wrong!"

Ako frowned a bit. "Oh, it always has to be like that with you guys."

"Well, does she ever invite you to come along with them?" Yuuna questioned.

"No," Ako admitted.

"Does she come back tired and unwilling to talk about what they did?" Makie added.

"Yes, always!" Ako nodded, with a soft gasp.

"Then it's obvious; Akira-chan just found herself a girlfriend," Yuuna hummed, crossing her arms. So their Akira-chan also swung that way, after all. Another worrying parallel with the hentai world she had been stranded into days ago.

And worst of it all, she already had been taken by someone else. Bummer. Well, maybe it was for the best that way. After all, she didn't want their Akira to be a... how did Haruna call that kind of situation... a Replacement Goldfish for the Akira she'd had to leave behind.

Ako paled. "Akira-chan and that girl..."

"What else can it be?" Makie shrugged.

_The Mahora Osa-P jewelry store. Standing on a pile of unconscious, drained women wearing cursed jewels, the hideous female looking monster took her head back and cackled. "Foolish humans! Surrender your energy, and your Star Seeds, to Morgan, first and most loyal servant to the Dark Agency!-!"_

_Sailor Mercury sighed aloud. "Monday, a rampaging ghost. Tuesday, a flock of demon crows. Today, this... Tell me, Venus, do these crises happen *every day* to you...?"_

_"Nahhhh, it's just an unusually busy week..." Minako said as she rolled out of the way of one of Morgan's attacks, preparing a Venus Love-Me Chain. "Habitually, I only fight twice a week..."_

_Mercury's eyebrows trembled. "Twice a week...?"_

_"Hey, don't worry your pretty little head! I'll stay here during your trip, so I'll hold the fort while you're away! Enjoy your trip! VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!"_

_"Have the decency to stop chattering while we're figh—!" Morgan shouted, right before the chain wrapped itself around her throat._

_Lying on the ground pretending to be unconscious, Tohsaka Rin mused that she_ **_really_ ** _needed to find a new place to buy her gems. This was the_ **_fifth_ ** _time this had happened to her…!_

"I'm kinda shocked, though, Makie," Yuuna pointed out. "I thought you were a lot more naive about that kind of things."

A dumb laugh. "Well, it's hard not to pick the signs when you live with two Mamas! When I was little, I often wondered why they went out alone so often, forgetting to bring me along, and leaving me with my Grandparents and my uncle..."

"Surely there's another explanation..." Ako still refused to believe it.

"Not like there's anything wrong with that," Yuuna repeated. "Hey, Makie, where you going?"

"Iincho has some foreign sweets hidden over here!" Makie was now rummaging through Ayaka's belongings. "Every often in a while, I take some without her noticing. I know it's bad, but I just can't help myself. They're so yummy..."

"Izzat so? I want a few, too!" Akashi licked her lips.

"Yuuna, it'd be rude..." Ako began.

"Iincho also brought a lot of other things from her manor, to share during the trip," Makie said, moving a few bags that didn't interest her aside. "I'm sure she wants to give most of them to Negi-kun. But I don't think she'll notice if we only—"

Noticing she had fallen silent, Yuuna glanced intently in her direction. "What is it, Makie?"

The gymnast held a half-empty bottle for both of them to see. "Do you guys have any idea what is this? I can't read the label. I think it's Russian, or something..."

….

The three girls sat around the bottle on the small table, looking straight at it.

None of them dared say anything until Ako of all people broke the maddening silence.

"It's Latin, not Russian."

"How do you know?" Makie asked.

"Many medicines have names with Latin roots, so I had to take a few lessons on the language," the assistant nurse explained.

"This doesn't look like medicine to me!" Yuuna pointed at the battle.

"No, it doesn't," Izumi agreed.

"Then, what does it say?" Sasaki prodded.

Ako held the bottle closer, scowling. "I don't remember that much of my lessons, but it says here it's 'Non-Toxic', so I'm sure it's no poison. It's very hard Latin. Let's see, here it says it helps you find Happiness... or Joy... but other than that, I don't understand a thing."

Yuuna sniffed the bottle. "It smells like the fine liquor Dad keeps for the special visits. Maybe Iincho likes to down a few between classes?"

"Iincho? The well behaved, strict, law abiding Iincho?" Ako sounded incredulous.

"Well, you know how it goes! The more uptight people is outdoors, the worse they are indoors! Rich people and aristocrats have all sorts of decadent habits!" Yuuna argued.

"I've never seen Iincho drunk, and I've roomed with her for more than a year..." Makie hesitated.

"Maybe she's a controlled drinker," the daughter of Professor Akashi shrugged.

"That's just plain silly," said Ako.

Another long, uncomfortable silence ensued.

"I'm curious! I'll pour myself a bit!" Makie decided suddenly, pulling a small glass in.

"Are you crazy?" asked Yuuna. "What if it's laxant?"

"What if it's something magical?" Ako wondered.

That made both of the other Sports Girls to look at her, intrigued.

"Why would it be magical? I'm pretty sure Iincho doesn't know anything about magic!" Yuuna said.

"I don't know. I admit it's unlikely, but you don't see many drinks labeled in Latin in this time and age, do you?" the pale haired girl sounded nearly exasperated.

"Maybe it's a rich people thing?" Makie asked. "Iincho has many things with labels in weird foreign languages around. Like those strange vibrating things with Negi-kun's face painted on them I found in her underwear drawer last weekend..."

Ako and Yuuna stared blankly at her.

"Have I spoken out of turn?" the gymnast said meekly.

"Well, it's more like you have just pointed at an elephant in the room, but we'd have liked to keep on pretending the elephant didn't exist," Yuuna sighed. "Never mind, it's not your fault."

"Ah?" Makie tilted her head aside.

"Never mind, it's not your fault!" Yuuna repeated herself.

"Anyway, I'm taking the plunge!" Makie huffed. "The bottle is half-empty, so it's obvious Iincho must have drunk from it! I'll bet it's the thing keeping her skin so beautiful, or her hair so blond, or something like that!" she poured herself half a glass.

"Makie, no!" Ako gasped.

Yuuna made a humming sound. "Maybe Makie has a point. If it's really magical, and it 'brings joy', it'd explain why she has everything in life. It might be a family secret explaining their success."

"Oh, now you're grasping for straws!" Ako pouted. "You only want to drink it because it's liquor, and you've never done it before!"

"Yeah, you could be right, too," Yuuna groaned, serving herself half a glass as well. "You know, ever since I was in that horrible place, I find myself asking myself 'So what?' more and more often. Between Chao's insane plan I'm still intending to follow to the letter and everything else, I'm learning the world doesn't make one iota of sense, and you gotta take it as it comes. So I'll do just that. Cheers!"

And with that, she gulped the drink down quickly, making a long, satisfied sound at the end.

Makie, who still had her untouched glass between her hands, blinked adorably. "Wow... I didn't think you'd really do it!"

"It tastes great!" Yuuna licked her lips. "Strongest flavor I've ever had, but wonderful! You try it too, Makie!"

"Okay!" the pink haired girl nodded and gulped happily.

Ako, a bit paler now, watched her drink before warily pouring herself a tiny cup as well. "I... I just hope this is little enough for Iincho not to notice the difference..."

And she was the third one to drink.

All three girls remained there with the glasses in their hands, perfectly still and silent, for the next few moments, none of them going for a refill.

They stared down at the empty glasses down, looking guilty now the early euphoria of the drink had died down. For some reason, they looked ashamed, and instinctively afraid of looking at each other.

Finally, Yuuna stammered, "M-Maybe we made a mistake..."

"N-N-Now you say it...!" Ako half-hissed.

"I'm feeling funny," Makie giggled faintly. "I'm happy to be with you girls, even if Iincho will kill us soon..."

A chuckle escaped Yuuna. "Thanks, Makie-chan. I love you too."

"Ah. That's sweet," the gymnast smiled bashfully.

Ako rubbed the bridge of her nose up and down. "I feel hot."

"You are," Yuuna blurted out.

"I'm serious!" Ako moaned.

"So am I!" Yuuna moaned back, fanning herself with a hand. "I mean, what am I saying?"

Ako gave her a peculiarly wounded look. "Then, I'm not hot?"

"No! I mean, you are cute! Very cute!" Yuuna sounded troubled. "Okay, and hot too, I guess. No, you definitely are. In a good way."

_Brief random cut-out to a fat green frog with spindly legs tilting his head to the camera._

"You're very pretty, Ako-chan!" Makie giggled again, running an arm over Izumi's shoulders. Then, impulsively, she kissed her on a cheek.

"Yeah, you are," Yuuna nodded in solid agreement.

"Thanks," the nurse blushed in a lovely way. "You two are extremely pretty as well. Much more than me, in any case."

"We're all equally pretty!" Makie declared firmly, with a gigantic grin on. To emphasize her point, she stood up and put a hand over her own heart.

"That's right!" Yuuna nodded, standing up as well to high-five her.

Ako was rubbing her eyes now. There was some wetness in them. "Oh, that's the best thing anyone has ever told me...!"

"And the best part is it's true!" Yuuna grinned, ignoring the ringing voice in the back of her brain telling her something was wrong.

"Fully true!" Makie cooed, leaning on Yuuna's body, her hands casually coming to rest on Akashi's hips.

Looking at them, Ako breathed deeper. "I feel even hotter now."

"Yeah, me too," Yuuna conceded. "I hope... I hope we aren't drunk or anything."

"What does it matter?" Sasaki made a clucking sound with her tongue. "We aren't going to drive!"

Ako had to laugh. "You always have the weirdest ways to justify yourself!" Then, sounding softer, she added fondly, "That's what I like best about you."

Sporting a bright smile of her own, Makie laughed as well, then, on a whim, threw herself ahead, planting a kiss on Ako's mouth. Never letting Yuuna's hips go, so she dragged her along with hesrelf. The taller girl yelped as they all stumbled, Ako falling on her back on the floor, with her friends landing on top of her, Yuuna taking the upper position.

"Oi...!" Ako groaned, breathing harder under all the weight toppling her down.

But Makie only hummed, rubbing herself up and down between both bodies sandwiching her. "Nice..."

Yuuna sweated profusely, as the last vestiges of her rational mind put two and two together. Magic. This had to be magic, too. Something in that drink. She had been an idiot. But wait, what were the chances of two extremely unlikely absurd magical events happening to her twice in less than one week, moving her to have sex with her classmates? How was she supposed to expect something like _this_ , happening so soon after _that_?

_Up in Yggdrasil, Skuld shot Peorth a humorless glare. "Yep, she's right. What ARE the chances of THAT, anyway?"_

_"Nothing happens by random chance. Everything is a part of a larger cosmic scheme," Peorth said sagely. "This is that girl's fate, just like—"_

_Skuld whacked a mallet on the older goddess' face, who made that goofy pose with the two fingers sticking out Ranma characters do when they're comically hit. For some reason. "Okay, okay, I understood it! Just don't come with comparisons I'm sure I'll regret hearing!"_

Down in Earth, down in Mahora, Yuuna felt Makie's butt slowly, but also growing quicker, rubbing up and down against her crotch, and something inside of her snapped. Surrendering to the strong sensations running through her, she felt her way up Makie's body, pleased upon hearing the gymnast's moaning, until her hands caressed her small chest, fiddling with the shirt and then yanking it up, over Makie's head. Under both of them, Ako stared on with wide eyes and a sweaty face, absently licking her own lips...

**_At this point, the screen goes blank, then is covered by a SFW screensaver of Chachamaru petting kittens. For any further details on this scene, please refer to the version, thanks!_ **

….

Kaname Madoka suddenly sat up straight. "My mother senses are tingling! Makie-chan is doing something she shouldn't!"

Watching TV next to her (you thought they were having sex, didn't you?), Honura stiffened, then dashed for the secret panel under the stairs. It slid open, and she pulled out a Dessert Eagle and a shotgun. "INCUBATOR, GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER AND PREPARE TO DIE!"

Madoka sweatdropped. "I don't think that's it… she might just be having sex…"

Homura froze again. Then she exchanged the handgun for a katana. "It's castrating time…" she growled.

….

Kyubey suddenly looked up. "Strange," he mused. "What is this spontaneous muscular contraction along my spine…"

"What?" the girl he was speaking to said.

"Ah, sorry Kyoko-san," he said. "What was your wish again?"

….

** Just Imagine, If This Were A Graphic Work, You'd Have Some Excelent Fanservice Right Now: **

The bath house inside the resort was surprisingly big and comfortable, offering the girls a very pleasant rest after the day's activities. Not nearly as big as Mahora's baths, but still more than enough for their needs.

"Whew! I'm busted!" Misa sank into the water up to her chin, letting her long purplish hair float around her. "All my body aches all over, and my stomach still keeps trying to push itself off my mouth…"

Hakase nodded numbly. "My feet are covered by blisters, and my skin itches literally everywhere…"

"Welcome to our world!" Deathnote chirped happily.

As Sakurako discreetly slid behind Hakase and began massaging her stiff shoulders, Asuna shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, no pain, no gain! Right, Nee-chan?" she smiled in Kagurazaka's direction, stifling a chuckle.

"Truer words were never spoken!" Kagurazaka nodded emphatically.

Misa huffed. "Easy to say when it's you training yourself. I'll bet you weren't a sadist with yourself…" She didn't notice Kuro sneaking behind her until she felt a small slap on the back of her head. "Hey!"

"Stop the waahmbulance before you go off the road!" Kuro lectured, with an index finger up. "We already talked about this, remember?"

Misa rolled her eyes back and forth. "There's nothing wrong with some small talk after a day's worth of work, Jesus…"

Matoi seemed to be falling asleep already, her chin looking to rest on Chisame's shoulder, only to be stopped by periodic, token elbow jabs to keep her back. Sitting at Chisame's other side, Calculator eyed the bizarre scene with concerned curiosity.

"How's your Evangeline doing, by the way?" Misora asked finally, with Cocone primly sitting on her lap.

"Still the same, apparently," Kuro shrugged. "I'm willing to believe it's just something harmless, like a really long case of the hiccups."

"Can't hiccuping be dangerous too if it lasts too long?" Misa asked.

"Not when it's happening to, you know, an immortal vampire," Misora observed, crossing her arms behind her head.

"I suppose you're right, and yet, I can't help thinking there must be something else behind this…" Yue pondered.

"Yeah, beware the Vampire Karaoke of Doom, scourge of all living things!" Kasuga snickered. Yue wasn't amused.

At the other side of the fence, sitting near a struggling, tied and gagged with tendrils of magical darkness Chamo, Itoshiki hummed a few deeply pondering sad nothings. "They sound like they're having fun in there…"

A few tears escaped Chamo's eyes…

"Isn't this a bit cruel?" Negi looked at his bound friend, considering helping him to break loose when no one was looking.

"Trust us, it's for his own good," Erebus sighed. "He'll get himself into trouble if we let him go free now…"

Then he blinked. "Hey, has anyone seen _our_ Chamo?"

….

That particular Chamo lay faint against a tree, watching the Narutaki twins still going at it. "I _love_ this universe!"

….

Kaga watched quietly from her corner how the other girls chattered, most of them laughing and teasing each other. She had her thin hands placed on her lap, her fingers tapping on her legs without her even noticing it. Her whole posture and attitude spoke of feeling uncomfortable there.

Finally, Haruna noticed her silence, waddling through the water to her side. "Hey there, Sempai! Why the long face? Come here and join us! You're part of the bunch, too!" she grabbed her by a hand, trying to pull her along.

"M-Me?-! Oh, no! I-I don't even know why was I called here… It surely was just Itoshiki-sensei being too generous to me…" the older girl stammered, refusing to move along, with surprising strenght for someone so small and frail looking. "Really, I wouldn't bring anything to your conversation, since I have nothing interesting to say…"

"Tch! Saotome Paru can wring a good conversation topic out of anyone, girl!" Haruna took a hold of the pink towel wrapped around Ai's slim body and tugged it off, making the Sempai yowl pitifully. "And take that thing off, will you? Do you think we're in a heavily censored anime? It's unhygienic to wear those things in a real bath! We're all girls here, so what's the problem?"

Ai shuddered, sinking down in the water. The other girls were coming closer, which only mortified her even more. "D-Don't mock me, please. Not that I'm implying you're a rude, inconsiderate person with no respect for others' personal space, of course…"

"Actually, I'd say that's an accurate description," Valkyrie Black opined.

"Come on, Sempai!" Haruna insisted. "We only want to be friends with you! We won't bite unless you ask to!" Realizing Ai's panic at that last sentence, she chuckled, dragging her even closer to herself. "Kami, you're a real ball of nerves! Loosen up! Tell us something about yourself!"

Ai practically petrified in place, breathing hard. "A-About me?-! No! I mean, my life's too boring, and I'm a bland, non entity kind of person, as well! I don't have any great talents like you, or have lived great adventures either… I'm a bothersome, useless girl who has no business hanging with you…"

Haruna whistled. "Wow, someone really needs a good kick in the pants here! C'mon, girl! You broke from Eva's mind control all by yourself, which is something no one else has been reported to ever do! Of course there's something special about you, too!"

"Th-That was nothing but undeserved good luck…" Ai looked aside. "N-Not like I'm saying all good luck is underserved or wasted on the likes of you, Shiina-san!"

Matoi had stirred, still hanging on behind Chisame. "Fu, fu," she chuckled. "Well, if you aren't going to say anything about yourself, I'll do it."

"Please don't!" Ai whimpered.

Ignoring her, Tsunetsuki began," Everyone knows Ai-chan likes Itoshiki-sensei. That drives Chiri-chan crazy… crazier than usual, that is. Kino-kun from the Literature Club likes her, but she doesn't love him back, being too fixated on Itoshiki-sensei. Honestly, Ai-chan, that kind of unrequited crushes is just unhealthy…" she teased, pretending not hearing Chisame's long drawn grunt. "I don't know what you can see in such a whiny, pitiful, depressing man, but to each their own, I suppose…"

Then a loud splash surprised them all, as Ai rose from the water, tears in her eyes, recovering her towel and turning around for the door very quickly. "I'm sorry!" she excused herself. "I can see I don't fit in here! I-I just don't belong! Sorry for disrupting the course of your conversation!" And she ran out.

"Tsunetsuki-sempai, you went too far…" Mei observed.

Even Misa agreed. "Yeah, it was cruel, even if the poor thing has really bad tastes in men…"

"Yeah… Bad tastes…" Misora nodded, somewhat absently.

Matoi tried to laugh it off. "It's nothing! Ai-chan reacts that way to _everything._ She'll never change. And really, anyone pining for that old crane has it coming. Not even I would ever fall in Deep Love with him. I'd have to be crazy…!"

Right then, Chisame huffed, standing up and putting on her own towel. "Let's go, Hakase." She grabbed her roommate by the hand and began pulling her away with her, not looking back.

Matoi blinked. "… Chisame-sama? H-Have I said anything wrong? CHISAME-SAMA!" she pursued them. "Please forgive me!"

The three librarians stared in the direction the guilt complex girl had taken.

"I feel sorry for her," Yue commented.

"I'll go talk with her and cheer her up!" Haruna offered herself.

"Not you!" everyone else said. Even Takane and Kuro.

"I'll do it," Nodoka resolved, coming back to her feet while toweling herself off.

"Are you sure about that, Nodoka?" Ayase doubted.

Her best friend smiled at her. "Yes. Don't worry, Yue-Yue. I've been there, after all. I'm sure I can be of some help…"

Nodoka went off to go after Ai.

Misa blinked. "Wait… ' _she's been there'_? Does that mean what I _think_ it means?-!-?-!-?"

Yue panicked, not knowing that to say.

Surprisingly, it was Kuro who came to her rescue… sort of.

"Meh, I wouldn't bother thinking about it," Kuro said, undoing the bun on her hair and wincing as her fingers caught on tangles. "The relationships in Ala Alba are so tangled up I'd need some kind of TvTropes relationship chart to get it straight, and then barely. And that's just the ones I've seen first-hand. Between Asuna's underlying sexual tension for Ayaka–"

"HEY! THAT'S SLANDER!" both Asunas chorused.

"– the freaky question of Chachamaru's parentage and ancestry and the possibility she might be royalty–"

Misora blinked. "Chachamaru's _what?_ "

"– Yue's harem in Ariadne–"

" ** _FOR THE LAST, TIME, I DO NOT HAVE A HAREM!_** Emily, Collette, Beatrix and I are j-just friends, darn it! There was nothing going on there are all! **_REALLY!-!-!-!-!_** "

Haruna looked sideways at her. "All the pictures I've seen of your room there show only one bed, and you have Collette as your roommate. And you and Emily kinda acted like Asuna and Ayaka do…"

"S-so?" Yue sputtered. "The class rep and I just didn't get along that well! And Nodoka and I share the bed sometimes when it's cold. It doesn't mean anything!

Ala Alba and Kuro gave her a flat look. Haruna smirked. "Yeah, about that…"

" ** _IT DOESN'T!_** "

"Hmm…" Kuro said noncommittally. "Let's not even get started on the issue between Negi and Rei over who's… you-know-what of you-know-where."

"Actually, I think they've settled on 'we don't really care' on that," Calculator said.

"And of course," Kuro finished. "There's that thing where Negi 'allegedly' makes every girl he meets hot for him. _Allegedly._ "

"It's true!" Haruna protested.

"I don't think he's hot," Kuro pointed out.

"You have bad taste and decadent habits!" Haruna shot back.

"Tomoyo-san doesn't think he's hot," Kuro countered.

"Tomoyo-san is, by her own admission, too insanely in love with Sakura-san to notice if the world ended in a zombie apocalypse unless it somehow inconvenienced Sakura-san!"

"Sakura-san doesn't like him that way," Kuro responded.

"Sakura-san is so oblivious to love it literally has to be pointed out to her!"

"Nanoha-chan then!"

"The girl is inhuman! Seriously, _Chachamaru_ has more romantic emotion and femininity than the Green Devil! The girl wouldn't know romance if it tried to dismember her with an energy scythe and hit her with a high-energy lightning spell! Which, according to Arf, she did!"

_In another universe, Magical Girl Reaper-chan Fate Testarossa sneezed again._

As the bickering continued on, Yue found herself breathing a small sigh of relief at the diversion from Nodoka's having 'been there'…

….

** Interlude: Shizuna. **

"Thanks for coming here to help," Mahora's main psychological advisor, Arai Chie, said as she and Minamoto Shizuna went through all the things to be packed for the trip, and all those to be left under lock and key during its duration.

"Oh, it's nothing," the even bustier, but slightly shorter, woman with long blond hair replied. "We rarely get to spend any time together, and it's good to have some time to chat at last."

"Hm," Chie-sensei made a brief approving sound, followed by a short nod. Truth be told, she didn't socialize a lot, unless it was with men. "That's true. We don't get to talk often, do we?"

"Certainly not," the soft-voiced woman said. "You always have a very busy agenda; it mustn't be easy, to cope with everyone's problems like that…"

"No, it isn't easy at all," Chie conceded. "Then again, your job shouldn't be a piece of cake either."

"Oh, it's demanding but satisfying."

 _Then I envy you,_ Chie thought.

She held a skimpy red and yellow bikini up, pondering if it was wise to wear it in Okinawa or not. Shrugging it off, she packed it in anyway. Shizuna seemed to notice it, not really daring to comment on it, but giving the scandalous swimwear a look Chie could glimpse at over her shoulder. "Do you think it's too risky?" Arai asked, flatly.

"Oh, no! Not really," Shizuna hastened the words. "I'm sure it fits you just great."

"Thank you."

"What do you say about going having dinner out after this? I invite."

"No, I'll pay for my part. But it's okay, I accept."

Three hours later, Chie had to almost drag her to her own room, wearing a stoical face of resignation, while Shizuna hiccuped and let out a throaty giggle. Chie set her down on the couch and took her shoes off before walking for the bath. "I'll fix you a hot shower. Seriously, Minamoto-sensei, why? This is the first time I see you drinking like this. If the Dean gets wind of this…"

Shizuna groaned, placing a forearm over her eyes. "I dunno. Guess it just came naturally, see?" She belched, rather unladylike. It almost awed Chie, the fact the always so perfect Minamoto Shizuna could belch. "Sorry! Not been feeling right on the stomach either, lately…"

"You should get yourself an examination on that, then," Chie said, patiently checking her temperature after coming back from the bath. "It won't do, to go a school trip in bad health. Haven't you been taking good care of yourself lately?"

"Just the usual," Shizuna shrugged. "Why should I go an extra mile? Not like I have a husband or family who count on me…" she muttered.

Chie sighed. Oh, so it was all about _that._

"Doesn't it bother you, Sensei?" Shizuna asked. "We're the same age, after all…"

"I'm not a children person, actually."

"Then why to pick a career on school counseling?"

"Believe me, I've been wondering myself for the last few years…"

Shizuna nearly chuckled. "Things often don't go the way we hoped, huh?"

"You can say that again."

"Things often don't go the way we hoped, huh?" Minamoto repeated, attempting a joke. "Why don't you give Itoshiki-sensei a chance?"

"What? Why him?"

"Well, he always seems to take any chance he has to visit you…"

"That's only because he has so many problems with his outlook in life. And really, he's like the biggest child of them all. I could ask the same thing about you and Takamichi, anyway."

"Eh? And why's that?"

Chie shrugged. "Everyone says you and him would make a great couple. Don't tell me you didn't know even the Dean is rooting for you two!"

"He does?" Shizuna made a small scowl. No wonder he had given them so many assignments together. She shook her head. "No. I mean… no, it'd have been nice, yes…" her voice trailed of. "But you can say Takamichi's heart has always been somewhere else, in a place that just won't let him go. No matter what is that, it's something I never could compete with…"

"I see. Well, your bath is ready. You sure you can take it by yourself?"

"Yes! Why shouldn't I?" Shizuna stood up, waddled for the bathroom, and stumbled on her way there. "Ooops. Sorry 'bout that…"

Chie sighed again. "Let me help you. I don't want to read headlines on your untimely death by slipping tomorrow…"

With the infinite patience dozens of therapy sessions with Itoshiki granted her (not that any of those ever included stripping), Arai helped Shizuna strip down, then waited outside as Minamoto finished by herself. Shizuna barely looked any better by the time she came out, and needed some help dressing back up as well. Chie even helped her back to her bed.

"Sorry, I'm so, so tired…" the bustier woman complained softly, as her head hit the pillow. "I have a spare key under that lamp, could you please close the door on your way out, Chie-chan? You can keep the key, too… You're always welcomed here, thanks…" she smacked her lips sleepily, as her eyes dozed off.

Arai nodded mechanically. Dear God, she had no idea Shizuna had such a low tolerance to alcohol. She could drink like a fish herself, but had she known, she'd never have accepted Shizuna's suggestion to drink sake after their dinner.

Had she actually called her _Chie-chan_?

As soon as the other woman was giving tiny snores, Chie stood up and grabbed the key, preparing to leave.

Before turning the bedroom's lighs off, however, she paused at the door. She stood perfectly still for a few moments, before walking back in silence. She crouched down next to Shizuna and placed a brief peck on one of her pale cheeks.

Then she quickly walked out, rasping to herself.

 _Chie-chan_ had a nice ring to it when it wasn't being said by her parents…

….

** Bonding. **

Nodoka stopped dubiously next to Ai's door, frozen in place at the last moment. She really wanted to walk in there and make the older girl feel better about herself, but at the same time, she knew it often wasn't just that easy, and frequently, attempts to cheer others up only made them feel even more miserable. Kaga-san seemed to be a difficult person to deal with, since she was so convinced of her own lack of worth. Overcoming that wasn't an easy thing; Nodoka herself had spent months and months working on it, and that was with a much lesser degree of the same problems.

She could hear Ai's faint sobs from the inside, and her heart shattered. She just couldn't ignore her, but how to begin, in a way that wouldn't scare or traumatize her even more? Asking Tsunetsuki for advice seemed hopeless, and Itoshiki-sensei probably wouldn't fare any better.

There was only one thing left to do. Sighing with embarrassment, Miyazaki invoked her Diarius Ejus. _Please forgive this intrusion, Sempai, but it's for your own good…_

Reluctantly, Psycho Purple began reading the troubled girl's thoughts. They came in a rapid, unending succession, making them difficult to read for anyone not trained as an expert librarian *and* adventurer used to extreme situations. Fortunately for her, Nodoka fit both niches.

Haruna would have used the rather blunt term 'mental diarrhea.'

… _So sorry, so ashamed and I looked like such a fool before them… But why did they have to press me like that? No, it's my fault, they only wanted to be friends, and I pushed away them because I'm such a horrible person, and I deserve to die alone, but still, Haruna-san is so scary, and Eva-san too, and Chisame-san never smiles… No, but I don't have a right to criticize them, I'm the worst… I hate them, and that's bad, no, I don't hate them, but why can't they leave me alone? They scare me, and make me feel so ashamed, because they're all pretty and sexy, and good thing they don't like Sensei, but still, I can't compare. I'm sure I'm doing things my family won't approve just by being here, and I wish someone would tell me what to do, but that'd be too inconveniencing for others, and—_

Nodoka slammed the book closed, her eyes spiraling. Well, that hadn't been of much help! Kaga-sempai seemed to have serious issues, perhaps brought up by a difficult home life. There wasn't that much Nodoka could do, she pondered, but still, the worst efforts always were those not undertaken.

So, after pulling the tome back in, she knocked weakly on the door. "K-Kaga-sempai? It's me, Miyazaki Nodoka… M-may I talk with you for a few minutes, please? I wish to apologize on Haruna's behalf…"

"M-Miyazaki-san?" Ai gasped as she sprang back to her feet, wiping her eyes before bolting for the door. She was even more mortified at finding it half-open, but said nothing on the matter. "S-Sure, get in! Sorry, I hadn't noticed you were here…"

"It's okay, I just arrived," Nodoka smiled, lying just a little, and walking into the room at a sedate place, seeing Ai was making sure of closing it for real this time. "W-Well, like I said, please forgive Haruna. If she hadn't brought that topic in the first place, nothing of that would have happened. She's a good girl, but often doesn't think things through before saying them…"

Ai sat down on her bed, looking miserable. "No; it's my own fault for being so childish and impulsive. I allow everyone's words to get to me, although I'm afraid I'll look aloof and arrogant if I don't. Matoi-chan is right when she says I shouldn't be looking at Itoshiki-sensei _that_ way, even if not for the reasons she gave… Not that I'm saying she's a horrible judge of character, a hypocrite, and/or someone I will never forgive for speaking ill about him, of course…!"

Nodoka actually had to gesture for her to calm down.

"… Sorry," Kaga offered sheepishly.

Miyazaki breathed in. "Kaga-sempai, I know we barely know each other, and I shouldn't be meddling into your personal affairs, but I can say you're a good person. You don't need to blame yourself over everything that happens."

Ai gave her a token nod. "I know, please forgive my overreacting."

Nodoka sighed inwardly. It couldn't be that easy, could it? Ai had surely been through that very same conversation dozens if not hundreds of times before, with everyone from relatives to classmates to teachers. Just hitting the old chords of the problem wouldn't work.

So she asked frankly, "Would you like being Itoshiki-sensei's companion?"

"Ah…" Ai glanced down with a tied tongue.

"You spent some time with Chamo-san as Negi-sensei trained," Pyscho Purple said. "Now, I know Chamo-san well, so I feel confident guessing he gave you that idea. He did, didn't he?"

Ai nodded docilly.

Nodoka exhaled. "Kaga-sempai, much like Haruna, Chamo-san is a good… person, but he often talks more than he should. If that's your dream, I won't discourage you on it, but keep in mind, Itoshiki-sensei might not be ready for that kind of relationships yet…"

Then Ai's voice came very weakly, but still somewhat sourly, as if some of her inner resentment cracked through a tiny narrow hole in the grotesquely thick layers of her self doubt. "… And Negi-sensei is?"

Nodoka made a stunned pause before lowering her head as well. "Maybe not. Circumstances just… forced it all upon us. I won't deny we all, but mostly him, have been forced to mature before our time. Maybe that's for the best, maybe not. Perhaps the same things will happen to you, and that's also something none of us can say if it'll turn out for the better or worse. But, you know, Sempai, I don't regret anything of what I've done."

Ai nodded slowly.

"I suggest you to find your own time, when both of you are eady for it, but in the meanwhile, never ever lose your faith, and trust yourself. Even if it doesn't work out, you are a pretty, charming girl, and you always can make a path for yourself through life."

"Mmm-hmmmm," Kaga made another token nod, clearly not fully believing her, but not wanting to adverse her.

Nodoka decided to leave it there for now. Rome, after all, wasn't built in a single day. That would take a lot of time and effort…

She knew it from personal experience.

"Feeling better now?" Miyazaki asked gently.

"Y-yes, I do."

"Good. Remember, I'm available whenever you want to talk about anything, okay?"

"Sure. Thank you for taking your time to try and help me, I'm such a source of problems for every—"

"Kaga-sempai…"

"Sorry. I'll work on it, I promise."

Once Nodoka was gone, Ai sat alone, perfectly still and in complete silence, staring at a wall.

Then there was a crafty chuckle coming from her window. She recognized the voice by now, not needing to look back at him. "Chamo-san?"

The ermine hopped onto one of her shoulders. "Nee-chan, you've been thinking about my proposal, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Have you made any decision about it yet? Not like I'm hurrying you or anything, but–"

"I'll be graduating this year," Ai mused softly.

"Ah? Ah, yes, of course," the ermine nodded jerkily. "But what does that—"

"After I graduate, I won't have any reason to keep on seeing him," said the high school student. "I'll lose him forever. Miyazaki-san's right; too often, we just can't do the right thing."

"Oh, a Pactio is always a good—"

"Sorry for disagreeing, but no, not always. Even I can tell. But I have to do it anyway, right? Just like she did. And hopefully, someday, I'll be able to say what she just said, 'I don't regret anything'…"

Chamo's eyes shone at the last part, basically ignoring everything else. "So, you mean—!"

She nodded, finally looking at him. "Y-Yes. I want to be Sensei's partner."

"YES!" Chamo exclaimed. "And hey, if you're graduating this year, that means it won't be an illicit student-teacher relationship!"

Ai's eyes widened as she realized that, and fell over in a dead faint, blood trickling from her nose.

….

** Ayaka, Part Three: **

Sayo had moved things around, even big things, before. For instance, when Misora and Negi first contacted her. However, she always had been under stress or psychological pressure, which somehow made it much easier. Moving Kuchiki-san's body when she was in it was easy as well, but Kurosaki-sempai had explained it by saying Rukia's body was naturally compatible with ectoplasmatic energies.

In contrast, moving that simple piece of chalk was much harder and required more focus, but it still was easier the more she kept on trying it.

_I am sorry. For writing so slow. It's hard._

"Oh, no need to excuse yourself!" Ayaka said hastily. "You don't have to feel pressured to reply. We can stop now if you—"

_No! I mean, I want to talk. With you._

Ayaka smiled warmly. "Well, thanks. What would you like to talk about? Ask anything you want."

_Can I be your friend?_

The heiress laughed good naturedly. "Of course you can!"

_Thank you._

"I'm sure I can get you more friends, too," the Class Rep added. "I'll think of a way. Maybe if I talk some of the girls, like Naba-san and Murakami-san, to prepare them before you show them this..."

_I'm afraid I'll scare them away._

"Okay, just give us time, then. When they are ready for it, I'll let them know. Are you okay with that?"

_Thanks! That would be wonderful!_

"I'm glad to hear you like the idea. We also could look for a way to make communication with you easier. Maybe Hakase-san could invent-"

Then she stopped in mid-sentence, hearing a key click in the door behind her. She turned around, startled, to see the beautiful face and the long black hair of Hall Monitor Kotegawa Yui peeking in, the newcomer sporting a concerned expression.

"K-Kotegawa-sempai!" the blonde swallowed.

Yui's face showed relief. "Oh, it's you, Yukihiro-san. I heard sounds while patrolling the halls, and since it's past hours and we're in a free day, I thought we had intruders. Or Tsunetsuki-sempai bugging Hasegawa-san's seat again. What are you doing here?"

"Um, just cleaning, since I had nothing else to do!" Ayaka said, grabbing an eraser and quickly erasing all the words from the chalkboard. "Looks like, um, someone decided to have an extra study session here, but left a mess written all over here..."

"Really? I never noticed. I'll pay more attention from now on, I promise," the brunette stated very seriously. "Please forgive me."

"Oh ho ho ho, it's nothing! We're all humans, after all!" Ayaka forced a laugh before grabbing her handbag back from where she had left it. "Well, I need to leave now! Have a good afternoon, Kotegawa-sempai!"

"Likewise," the older girl bowed. Before walking out, Ayaka made a brief smile and wink in the blackboard's direction. Sayo smiled back and waved happily, even though she knew Ayaka couldn't see her.

Then she jumped up in place as the clueless Yui closed the door from the outside. Ooooohhhh, she **had to** tell Kiri-chan and Kuchiki-san about this!

Meanwhile, Ayaka walked back home, feeling very satisfied about herself. Not only she had confirmed the supernatural did indeed exist while straying Asakura away from it, but she had made a new, seemingly honest friend along the way. She had to feel sorry for Aisaka-san. Her listing in the class sheet said '1940', and no matter if that was her date of birth or death, she had to spend several decades in isolation as a ghost, surely. That had to be such a horrible thing it made Ayaka shudder.

Yes, she would give her best effort to help that unfortunate (literal) soul. Now, if she had an actual idea of where to start... Maybe she'd consult Siesta, seeing if she knew someone who was knowing on the subject.

Regardless, life was looking up. And she had a feeling in her heart it was about to get even better...

"Sasaki-san, I'm home!" she announced, while opening the front door and walked in...

Then she gasped in shock.

The first thing Ayaka saw was the bottle. The accursed bottle she got from Siesta, out in the open, on the table. Uncorked, and with three glasses around it.

Disaster.

Then she saw the long trail of clothes all through the floor, leading to the bedroom. Including feminine underwear. Some of it, Makie's. She could tell because it had the purple embroidery on it Makie's mother… well, one of them, anyway– had sewn on that said, " _If you can read this, know that I will find you and kill you_ ".

Disaster confirmed!

"Oh, God! Oh dear God, not!" Her face paled, and before thinking about the consequences, she ran for the bedroom's half-closed door, stopping abruptly before it and taking a fearful glimpse in...

She barely could make out three bare female shapes in the shadows, along with soft, long-drawn moans and puffs.

That was enough to make her want to join in the spot. The potion was just as strong as she had feared.

Still, she kept enough willpower on to resist, slamming the door shut, resting her back against it, panting furiously.

_Think of Negi-sensei, think of Negi-sensei, think of Negi-sensei..._

The familiar affection helped her to fight the sudden urge for female flesh down, and Ayaka was relieved. She slumped down, sitting on the floor, and fanned herself with a hand. Why did she feel so hot all of a sudden? Well, actually, she suspected the reason strongly enough.

The heiress breathed in and out, regaining more of her self control. Okay, one of those girls had to be Makie-san. The other two were most likely her closest friends. Ookuchi-san was too tall to be either of them, so that left her with Izumi-san and Akashi-san.

To use a rude and vulgar term unfitting even Asuna, _Oh shit_! Akashi-sensei would **not** be pleased. She'd better contact Murdock-sama and Walters-sama right now. Foreign lawyers were always the best...

Moments later, Ako lifted her head up from its current nesting position between Yuuna's legs. "What was that sound?"

Makie gurgled from her stradling position on Yuuna's face. "Sorry, I just had a— How do they call it—"

"Not that!" Ako made hushing motions with her hands. "I think there's someone at the door! Pushing something big against it!"

Yuuna perked her ears up, sitting up and throwing a yelping Makie off herself. The petite gymnast fell on her butt on the floor, rubbing her aching buttocks with a hand. "Ouchie! Yuuna-chan, you're mean...!"

"Sorry, dear, but this is important," Yuuna fought the still powerful desire to apologize by kissing her and making it all feel better, sticking her ear to the door. It indeed sounded like something heavy was being pressed against the door from the outside. Frowning, and without enough clarity of mind to remember they all were naked, she tried to open the door, only to fail at it. "Hey, what the heck?-! They have locked us up!"

"Akashi-san!" a strong voice called from the outside.

"Iincho!" Ako and Makie chorused, fearfully throwing themselves into each other's arms.

"Crap," Yuuna bit her tongue.

"Why did you three have to drink from that bottle?-!" Ayaka screamed. "What if I had been stashing poison!-? Honestly, even Asuna-san would know better than that!"

"Oh, yeah?-! Well, why were you keeping a bottle like that?-!" Yuuna shot back.

"I was keeping it hidden from those who would misuse it!" the blonde protested.

"Yeah, right! I'll bet you wanted to bring it to Kyoto to drug Negi-kun with it!" Yuuna shouted. Behind her, Ako and Makie kept on hugging and trembling, but the drink's influence still made their hands wander all over each other.

"Don't be absurd!" Ayaka countered. "You know Minamoto-sensei checks our entire luggage before we leave! I couldn't carry that bottle to Kyoto even if I were desperate and immoral enough for it!"

Yuuna blinked. "Then... why to keep it here?"

"I told you, to keep it off my servants' hands! I'm suspecting they may be using it for unsavory purposes!"

_Over at Yukihiro Manor, Fabiola sneezed as she gently caressed the also sneezing Taeko's face while taking her from behind..._

"Oh... Oh, well, sorry then," Akashi offered lamely.

A beat.

"So, how long are you keeping us trapped here, then?" Yuuna asked.

"Siesta-san has told me the drink's effects last one whole day," Ayaka grumbled, sitting on top of the chair on top of the couch on top of the luggage on top of everything else but the kitchen sink barricading the door.

"Who's Siesta-san?" Ako asked while absently groping Makie's small butt.

"One of Iincho's maids," Makie replied while also groping Ako's slightly bigger butt.

"Give me a break!" Yuuna slammed a hand on her own face. "So you'll be keeping us here for a whole day?-!"

"Yes!" Ayaka barked.

Ako smiled as innocent and sweetly as someone who has just spent the last hour in carnal pleasures with her two best friends could. "On the other hand, it's not as bad, spending a full day together..."

Yuuna blinked, then slowly smiled back. "No... I guess not," she licked her lips.

Makie raised a hand. "I wanna use the potty!"

Yuuna and Ako's eyes bulged out. Then they began to pounce on the door. "IINCHO! PLEASE LET US OUT FOR A MOMENT!-!-!"

….

** Together. **

"I ache all over," Misa complained as she allowed her fall into bed, on her back, in a long blue sleeping robe.

"Me too," Sakurako plopped on the other bed. "When I started doing training for the cheers, I though the coach was harsh and asked for too much too fast, but this… this is even worse…"

"I doubt you had it worse than me," Misa groaned. "I hate that little pervert's guts, and for once I don't mean Chamo. She's some sort of magical being with powers all her own, isn't she? I'll bet she never had to train for anything herself…"

"If you're really that tired, just sleep already," Chisame mumbled, lying down as well, with her back turned on Shiina. "When I'm busted, I don't feel like complaining."

"You aren't busted too often, are you?" Kakizaki snarked.

"If I felt like I could move my arms, I'd hit you," Chisame said.

Then she felt Sakurako poking her in the back. "Now what?"

The cheerleader whispered in her ear, "Ne, Chi-chan, what if you sleep with Misa and let me spend the night with Satomi-chan? I've never slept with her, and… well, it'd be nice…"

"Eva forbade it, remember?" Hasegawa sighed.

"Eva wouldn't know…" Sakurako's whisper became a plea. "Pretty please…?"

"No. Eva has told us she has eyes everywhere, and I believe it," Chisame snorted. "Moreso in her own house. You can bet she's hearing and watching us right now, hoping to find anything to exploit against us tomorrow."

"I wouldn't put it past the two of them, yeah," Misa rolled around in the bed, looking at Hakase, who stumbled out of the bathroom pulling her pajama pants back up, yawning and blinking sleepily. "How you feeling, Prof?"

"Spent. Sore. Weakened. Unable to think of more related terminology, which must mean I'm truly in a sorry physical condition," she chewed the words, falling on her face next to Misa. "Good evening, Chisame, Sakurako-chan, Kakizaki-san."

And then, just like that, she was giving the tiniest snores ever.

Chisame sighed. "Good evening," she said, reaching for the lights and turning them off.

"Same here," Misa said, sounding somewhat downcast now. "Say, Chisame…"

"Oh, what's the problem now?" the hacker asked.

"That brat told me partners almost never marry their Magistra. Who do you think is right, she or Chamo?"

"Neither," Chisame snapped.

"But…" Misa doubted.

"I wouldn't trust either of them on anything," Hasegawa humphed, tightening the blankets around herself. "What does it matter, anyway?"

"… You know I'm serious about my plans for him," Kakizaki whispered, sounding strangely vulnerable all of a sudden.

Sakurako blinked. "For Chamo-kun?" she said, sounding bewildered and a little freaked out.

"For Negi!" Misa snapped.

"Oh." Her best friend seemed relieved.

Chisame made a face. "You're crazy. And you never could be serious about anything, much less something demanding long term commitment."

"I am serious!" Misa declared strongly. "I don't care what you and Kuro may think, I'm not going to quit on that goal, no matter what!"

"Good for you, I guess," Chisame muttered. "Can we just sleep already?"

Misa huffed. "Sure, if that's all you care about!"

"Right now? Hell yeah!" Chisame shot back.

Misa was about to retort when she felt something encircling her waist. "Chisame!"

"What?-!"

"Hakase is hugging me!"

"That's a bad habit she picked from Negi," Hasegawa shrugged. "Just let her be. She won't try to kiss you in her dreams or anything. She only wants body warmth. I suppose her parents didn't hug her enough."

Misa clenched her teeth. "I must have done something really horrible in a prior life…"

Sakurako turned around to look at them in the darkness, with longing. "No, it must be more like your karma and mine were accidentally switched…!"

….

** Sora and the Librarians, Part One: **

_The Dorms:_

After hearing a few knocks down the hall, Nodoka (the local variety of her, that is) peeked out her door, seeing Chisame's sister Sora standing there in the hall, a basket with goodies in a hand, rapping on the door of Negi-sensei's quarters dubiously.

"Oh!" the librarian said. "Excuse me… Hasegawa-san, right?"

The young woman with glasses looked in her direction. "Hm? Oh, yes. I'm sorry, are you one of Chisame's classmates?"

"Y-Yes. Miyazaki Nodoka," the still not so Badass Librarian nodded quickly. "I'm afraid Chisame-san, Negi-sensei and Hakase-san aren't there right now. I saw them leaving a about an hour ago."

"Really? What could they be doing out at this hour?" Sora wondered, taking her cellphone out and trying to call her sister. "It seems she has turned it off. What a pity; I wanted to give them a surprise…"

"W-Would you like to wait for them here with us?" Nodoka invited. "I mean, if you aren't doing anything else, we don't mind having you here…"

The older girl pondered it for a moment before smiling. "Thank you very much. I'll accept. Did you know I'll be one of your two assigned drivers for the duration of your trip?"

"Who is that, Nodoka?" Haruna's voice asked from the inside.

"It's Chisame-san's sister, Harun-" Nodoka hadn't finished the sentence before Haruna had rushed out to her side, looking at Sora up and down.

"Um, hello…" the college student said.

And Haruna grinned. "Yes, hello! It's my pleasure! I'm Saotome Haruna! Do you remember me? I was there when you visited the parents' reunion last year! I was the girl who drew the promotional material for the Mahorafest!"

"Ah, yes, I still have the fliers," Sora nodded. "I'm sorry I never got to attend then, but I was wrangled in a few competitions…"

"Oh, yes! You're a race car driver, aren't you?" Paru asked eagerly.

"Only an amateur, really…"

"Have you ever met a man named Leigharch?" the girl with the twin ahoge asked again.

Sora felt herself grow a bit pale. Nodoka had started to twitch at the mention of that name.

"The infamous mad driver of the Asian underworld?" Sora felt the words leaving her.

Haruna's grin grew. "Yep! He's a good friend of one of my aunts! He even gave us a ride a few weeks ago, right, Nodoka?"

Nodoka only nodded stiffly, her face green now.

Paru noticed. "You okay, Nodo-chan?"

"Yes. Yes, nothing bad at all…" she reassured them, flashing back to memories of being trapped in that car while a dark-haired, dark-clad woman in a top hat held her hand and promised everthing would be all right. "Only a brief bout of… nothing…"

"Well, then let's have a chat!" Haruna all but pulled Sora in. "We were about to have dinner! Yue, we have a visit! Set another plate, okay? Hey, Hasegawa-nee, ever been a fan of manga?"

"Well, I used to read a few series when I was younger… Why?"

Nodoka followed them in, still too dazed by those horrible memories to warn Sora-san about the dangers waiting inside…

….

** Shadows of the Past: **

That night, even with all the exhaustion running through him, Negi just couldn't sleep.

It was a feeling he would grow very familiar with later on, but as of now, it still was relatively alien to him. To feel so tired, and yet so reluctant to roll over and sleep.

Then again, he felt the bed was too big, too cold, too lonely. Maybe Calculator-san was right, and Chisame and Satomi had spoiled him. Anyway, it didn't feel right at all. He turned and shifted around, trying to find a good angle to rest, never quite succeeding. Erebus watched him from his own bed, curiously, eyes wide open.

Finally, Negi looked down at the man lying on the futon, with his back turned to both boys. "Itoshiki-sensei?" he asked.

"What is the problem?" the man asked back.

"Well, weeks ago… you promised me you'd tell me more about my father…"

Itoshiki wrapped his blanket tighter around himself. Almost as if attempting self-strangling. "Tomorrow," he promised. "It's late now."

"Eva-san said we'd work even more tomorrow," Negi said. "We'll have even less time to talk then…"

Finally, Nozomu sat up with an angry face. "What do you expect from me?-!" Then he saw Negi's saddened face half shrouded in shadows, and he felt like a true heel. "I mean… sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I suppose I'm just cranky from all this unusual physical activity. Ask away, then. What do you wish to know?"

Negi sat on the bed, crossing his hands. Erebus was also shifting towards his bed's edge, listening carefully, but moving slower. "Well…" the younger Springfield said," I guess we should start from the beginning. May I know how you met my father?"

Itoshiki rubbed his chin, pondering how to phrase it. "By then, your father already was on his way to becoming a living legend. He already had rescued your mother from a most abject destiny a couple years before, and she was in hiding while he looked for… supporters through Mundus Vetus. During those days, he—"

"Why was my mother hiding?" Negi blinked.

Itoshiki hesitated before simply saying," She was unfairly accused of a crime."

"Ehhhh?-! Which crime?-!" the little boy gasped.

"Th-That doesn't matter here!" Nozomu waved a hand. "It's a long, complex story, and I want to sleep soon. Another day, another day! Regardless, your father happened to stop by our home for a few days. Since we first met, I could notice he was a strange man. He always was laughing and joking, which made him stand up in the grim, cold atmosphere of our household. I can say my father soon regretted giving him his hospitality, but he owed favors to your father, and for all his faults, he always was a man of honor."

"And then you decided to join him," Erebus intervened.

The man nodded sparsely. "I was young and foolish then, barely older than you two. I still had hopes and dreams of romantic adventures and amazing escapades. "

"And surely your family opposed them…"

"Quite the opposite. My father encouraged me to follow Nagi-san's cue," Itoshiki answered, much to their shared surprise. "He told me it'd finally make a man out of me. Nagi-san balked at first, saying he had just dropped an unwanted problem child at Mahora and didn't want another one following him, but Father had his ways to convince others. In the end, I'm convinced Nagi-san mostly took me out of pity, though."

"What did you do then?" Negi questioned.

"Well, for a couple of months, we just visited several important mages all through Japan and then England. I only have clear memories of a man named Emiya, who'd later adopt the young man Kuro-san is so smitten with, and a certainly peculiar gentleman named Jason Blood, living in London. Then your father brought me to Mundus Magicus, and I met the rest of his comrades. That included Takamichi, who wasn't much older than me, and another young man, one named Godel. I wonder what became of him. I also met your mother, and—"

"— and?" Negi asked, noticing Itoshiki had cut himself short in mid sentence, looking clearly troubled.

"Someone else. A… relative of your mother, someone long… dead now. Regardless of that," he hastened his story," I was a weak, inept excuse for a mage even then, and I'm sorry to say I didn't improve much. Out of all of Ala Rubra's young companions, I was the only one never considered part of the team by those who knew us. I was a tagalong, a pet at most. I can't blame them, naturally. It was then I noticed how foolish I had been, trying to follow a childhood hero…"

Erebus huffed. "Of course not!"

"You say that because you are talented and gifted," Itoshiki told him. "You can't understand the pain of lesser beings, much like your father never could."

"Don't say that…" Negi began.

"For your father and his friends, everything was so easy," Itoshiki lamented. "They only walked ahead and did what they wanted to do. They could allow themselves to. They knew of no fears, no doubts, no weaknesses."

Both boys hummed, crossing their arms over their knees and resting their chins on them. Even Erebus was thinking of how different a single person could seem when told about by different people.

Then Negi asked shyly," How was my mother like?"

Itoshiki stopped his brooding for a moment, long forgotten and buried lights flickering back into his soul. Then he started, dubiously. "Your mother was… the most beautiful, most wonderful woman I ever met."

Both Negis intensified their gazes, having their interests highly piqued.

"Your father could inspire anyone to walk behind him, with only a short speech and a smile. Your mother could inspire anyone to walk ahead of her, to give their lives for her, with only a sentence and a glare. Your father made us feel protected and safe, but your mother… comamnded," Itoshiki reminisced, and for the first time since Negi had met him, he actually sounded fond, not only sad or nostalgic, about a memory. "We all loved her… n-n-not that way…!" he stuttered rather unconvincingly," But she never had eyes for anyone but your father. They were made for each other. I have met many couples, most of them miserable, but none of them was ever as perfect as the two of them."

 _So naturally, it couldn't last…_ he thought bitterly.

Both Negis had starry eyes and vacantly open mouths now, but the younger one was actually the first one to break through the charmed haze. "And… what about that other person?"

"Who?" Itoshiki blinked, sounding honestly confused.

"My mother's relative."

"Oh. Her," Itoshiki looked aside, and for a moment Negi could swear seeing him blushing in the darkness, like a teenager. "She was… a very good woman, as well. Good and brave…"

He plummeted down back into the futon. "It's getting too late. Go sleep now or you won't be ready for tomorrow's tests."

Erebus spoke now. "How… How did you split from Ala Rubra?"

"It happened two years later or so," Itoshiki grumbled. "In Mundus Magicus terms, anyway. We returned to Earth to deal with a crisis that spiralled out of control, and we lost a comrade. Nagi-san realized the stakes had become too high for my good, and I was sent back with my parents. They were disappointed, of course…" A soft, stiffled yawn. " _Extremely_ disappointed…"

Negi was about to ask something else, but Erebus quietly imposed him silence with a mild gesture. Relenting, the younger boy nodded and turned back on his bed.

He hugged the pillow and closed his eyes, wishing Chisame and Satomi were there.

….

** Sora and the Librarians, Part Two: **

These librarians were definitely an ecclectic group, Sora thought as the younger girls chattered amongst themselves around her, the outgoing Haruna taking the lead in almost any given moment. Compared to the twins, who were similarly energetic despite Fuuka-san's clear leadership, or Chisame's small circle of friends, who were similarly varied but less tightly knit as a whole, it was much harder to understand how could they mesh that well, and yet they did.

On a first glance, you could have guessed the dominant personality was Haruna-san, imposing her will upon the others by mere force of behavior, but looking at their interactions carefully, Ayase-san seemed to be as much of a domineering factor, if not more, in her own subdued, calm and even way. Ayase-san was Saotome-san's counter-weight, the yin to her yang, the unmovable object keeping the irresistible force at bay.

When Haruna brough her Hentai sketchbooks out, it was Yue who quietly, without betraying alarm, just pushed them back into her hands and forced her to take them back before Sora's innocent, virginal 20-something mind could be tainted beyond repair. The tiny girl was truly a force to be reckoned with, in her own non flashy way. And Miyazaki-san seemed to be much closer to her than she was to Saotome-san...

In the end, Haruna had settled with showing Sora a sketchbook of her classmates and other assorted students and teachers. All relatively clean pictures, since it was the notebook she always carried around in public and, as Paru herself had explained, once you're caught red-handed by Nitta with smut in your posession, you start leaving your smut at home, period with a capital P.

Still, there was a worrying abundance of bare shoulders bust images, and boys and girls alike in saucy poses.

"Ah, these drawings are all so lifelike, Saotome-san..." the college student said, with an almost childlike sense of wonder that made Haruna grin, pleased with herself. Nodoka smiled softly as well, feeling a warm, kind sensation from that young woman. It seemed difficult to believe she was related to the much more distant Chisame-san.

"Glad you like it, Sempai!" Haruna pointed at page after page. "Look, this is the Black Lilies dodgeball club. They're all very picture-friendly, don't you agree? And yes, this one's butt is just as big in real life. This is Patty-chan from our Manga Club; she's our resident cosplayer, and can pull a convincent model for pretty much anyone. She makes her own costumes, and she's real good at it! This is her as Sailor Venus! Oh, and this is our cute-sexy Negi-kun!"

Sora blinked, suddenly troubled for some reason when she saw the drawing of a tall man standing next to Negi. He was very, very handsome. Extremely handsome. Somehow, it had struck a chord inside of her. "Wh-Who is this man with him? His father?"

"Oh, no, it's just an imaginary depiction of how I think he'll look like when he's older," Paru explained. "Impressed, Sora-nee?"

"N-No! I mean, not to offend your very impressive artwork, but...!" the freckled girl recoiled.

Haruna laughed. "Don't sweat it! Everyone's shota for Negi. Misa-chan, Iincho, Matoi-chan, Chisame-chan, Prof-chan, Tomoe-san..."

Nodoka blinked behind the concealing bangs. "Th-Th-The daughter of the College Area Principal?"

"Nah, her cousin. Mami-chan, that hot blond voted the best boobs of the school this year," Haruna waved a finger.

Yue frowned. "Who would stage a voting for such a thing? And who'd be that pathetic as to toss their hat in?"

"I'll let you know we had votes from 76% of the male students, 45% of our females, and fifteen teachers! Including Kimura-sensei, of course," Haruna lectured.

Yue thought it over. "How high did Naba-san rank?"

Haruna gave her a thumbs up. "Second place!"

"Go go 3-A," Yue droned, although she felt a bit of pride herself. Sure, she'd always be flat, but it was good to see the class still could hold its own in that area despite her utter failure.

"Yeah, and Orihime-sempai came third," Haruna reassumed listing those involved in crushes with Negi. "But I digress. Let's see, where I was? People who has shown liking for Negi-kun... That'd include Hanyuu-sensei, possibly Kuga-sempai if the rumors about her stalking him are true... Misora-chan... Makie-chan, Ako-chan, Natsumi-chan, Chachamaru-chan..."

"Karakuri-san?" Nodoka sounded surprised.

Haruna pointed at her own nose. "This detector can't be fooled. As I was saying, then there's Sachawika-sempai, Hirano-sempai, that rich blond little girl and her purple haired friend..."

"Not her other friend, too?" Yue asked.

"That girl? The redhead whose parents run a cafeteria?" Haruna shook her head. "Honestly, I think that girl will reach her forties a virgin and not regretting it."

Elsewhere, Fate Testarossa felt uncomfortable for some reason or another.

** Dare to Dream a Little Dream: **

The first thing telling Itoshiki that he was in a dream was the fact he felt actually good, and everything around him felt good as well. That was, frankly speaking, utterly strange on itself, since even if it was a dream, all of his dreams were depressing and saddening, like the one where he, back when he was a child, befriended a cute lost redhaired girl, they adopted a puppy, and then the puppy was savagely killed by bullies. And the one where he showed up naked for classes… only to see Takamichi also was there, naked, and everyone laughed at him because Takamichi was that much better gifted. Or the one where he accidentally kickstarted World War III, and then the hordes of beast-men living in the ensuing ruins cursed his name for ages.

In this particular dream, on the other hand, he was wearing a very nice business suit, returning to his mansion after a day of satisfying work. The next door neighbor was watering his plants, greeting him with a friendly wave of an oddly shaped hand.

"Good afternoon, Nozomu!" the neighbor said, in a very Norio Wakamoto voice.

"Oh, good afternoon, Chiyo-Dad-san!" Itoshiki heard himself greeting back. "How's your daughter today?"

"As you can see, she's enjoying herself, like always!" the catlike creature pointed up, at a tiny girl who flew high above their heads using her pigtails as rotors.

"I see," Nozomu smiled. Then he walked into the huge house that belonged to him, the army of maids at his service bowing for him.

"Itoshiki-sama," the lead maid, Arai-san, said.

"Did you have a good day at your job?" Kitsu-san asked.

"Your dinner is ready, but first…" Kimura-san began.

"The Mistress said she wanted to take a bath with you before that," Hitou-san completed.

"Th-The Mistress?" the tall pale man stuttered, floored by the revelation. A wife? Now this dream was getting completely ridiculous. He never had been one to long for romantic links of any sort! His eternally gray, miserable existence shouldn't have to be shared by anyone else! Who could he deem worth of such a weight, as having him as her life companion?

And then she strode out, stepping slow and elegantly, with a soft, lingering smile on her perfect lips. Her long blond hair cascaded behind her curvaceous, firm body, and her mismatched eyes shone with the same unreachable energy he had fallen in love with when he was only a boy.

"Nozomu-kun," she said, and then he was, again, a confused, frazzled child before her majesty. "Welcome back home. Negi has been asking for you."

"Negi-sensei?" he gulped, just as he ran out as well, jumping into his arms.

"Dad! What took you so long?"

"Ah…?" the man's eyes widened impossibly, so much he didn't even notice Kafuka-san was there as well until he heard her signature easygoing laugh.

"Now, now, Negi-kun!" Kafuka said, wearing a simple but beautiful dark blue dress with shiny black shoes. "You know your father is a very busy man, tasked with extremely high and important responsibilities! But don't you worry, Itoshiki-sama! As long as I'm his nanny, you can trust me to take care of all of Negi-kun's needs!"

The way Kafuka wiped a corner of her mouth and discreetly fixed her skirt then was just disturbing enough in its implications to force Itoshiki to wake up.

He sat up in the darkness of the room, shuddering and rubbing his forehead. "Truly despairing," he mused to himself, looking around at the sleeping Negis. Chamo snored in a corner, uneasily, obviously showing symptoms of panty withdrawal. The man closed his eyes and forced himself back down. He shouldn't have said anything about those times of his youth. They always made his mind work in ways that were too strange for his liking.

Still, it _would_ have been nice…

As Dream claimed him once more, he started having visions of WWIII. Well, at least, that was more of a familiar ground…

….

** Matoi-chan's Conflicted Heart: **

"Hey, Tsunetsuki-sempai, are you going to stay there all night?" Misora called out to the older girl sitting in front of her Chisame-peeping hole as Cocone made herself comfortable under the covers of the queen-sized bed they would share.

_Jiiiiiiiiiiii…_

"Suit yourself," Misora said, getting on the bed herself and squeezing under the covers. "Ya crazy ancient weirdo," she muttered to herself.

"Ah!" Ai exclaimed from where she huddled under her own covers. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't deserve to have my own bed when everyone else is sharing! I'm sorry!"

"Oh, go to sleep sempai!" Misora cried, turning off the lights. There was an immediate snap and hum of activation as Matoi turned on the night-vision lens Setsuna had fixed for her.

Cocone snuggled next to the pseudo-nun, a small smile on her face, thinking of what Yue had told her of how the other her and Misora had gotten together. Maybe she should try crying?

Eventually, quiet descended over the room. Misora was lying sprawled, arms and legs jutting every which way, open mouth dribbling drool. Cocone lay clamped to her side, a small, victorious smile on her face, occasionally dream-humping Misora's leg. Ai slept mostly soundly, letting out soft snores of "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" at regular intervals. This and a steady hum of " _jiiiiiiiiiiiii_ " permeating the air was all that broke the silence. Matoi's eyes had adjusted to the dark a while back, so she'd put aside the lens. She didn't want to break it again, after all.

With tireless fascination, she watched Chisame sleep through the hole. Pale, artificial moonlight filled the room beyond the peephole, giving her a clear view. She was kinda annoyed at Sakurako for daring to share Chisame-sama's bed, but she was not an unreasonable woman. Matoi knew given a choice the cheerleader would rather bunk with the big-forehead nerdy strumpet, so she only wished Sakurako would trip down a flight of stairs and skin her knee rather than desire she disappear from the face of the earth into a bottomless chasm leading straight to the deepest abyss of hell, there to be doomed to watch nothing but the Twilight movies, eat nothing but vegetarian cuisine, and wear nothing but Lady Gaga outfits in the company of Paulie Shore, Carrot Top, Weird Al, that guy who played Kramer and people who wrote Mary Sues, as she usually would. Still, she was annoyed. Chisame-sama's bed was reserved for Chisame-sama, Negi-sensei, Hakase, and Matoi herself should Chisame deign to allow her that orgasmic honor.

…

Wait… _Hakase?_ What was the forehead harlot doing on that list!-?-!-?-!

A small, nagging voice told her she knew why, but in true 3-F fashion she ripped a telephone pole out of the ground and used it to beat the voice into a bloody pulp. Satisfied the voice was firmly quashed, her mental Chiri came to dispose of the evidence 'properly' as Matoi went back to staring into her peep hole.

_Jiiiiiiiiiiii…_

In the other room, Chisame stirred restlessly, fingers clenching and unclenching as she lay with her back to Sakurako, who lay with _her_ back to Chisame, having fallen asleep pouting forlornly in the direction of the other bed at Haka— _billboard forehead whore!_ She was going to have to watch that. She couldn't let herself see the mad scientist as anything but a rival, _despite_ her relationship with Sakurako.

Matoi frowned. Chisame continued grasping at air restlessly. That was strange. She was usually such a peaceful sleeper. Why, she didn't even rouse when Negi-sensei or— here Matoi thought slowly and deliberately, else she make another mistake— _science bitch_ (Matoi nodded in satisfaction) slipped in to sleep with her.

That made her pause to consider. Since she had known her, had she _ever_ seen Chisame-sama sleep apart from those two? Wrack her brain as she might, in the process dislodging some memories (ah! So THAT'S what had happened at the dodgeball game! Good thing her subconscious had remembered even though she'd been passed out), she couldn't recall a single instance.

A soft, mewling sound came from the other room, and Matoi started. That was coming from Chisame-sama! As she watched the younger girl make mewling sounds, empty hands groping for something that wasn't there, Matoi felt a suspicion creep inside her.

Was Chisame… lonely?

Her first instinct was to abandon her post, run to the other room, throw Sakurako off the bed and cuddle with Chisame until the sun rose. And if things developed beyond that…

Matoi wiped the trail of drool that stemmed at that train of thought as a voice in her head that sounded disturbingly like Chisame-sama at her most displeased pointed out this would likely just lead to her getting throw out the window, especially after the stress of the day's training.

Then a soft whimper drifted through the hole. _"Negi…"_ Chisame whispered.

And of course. She must have gotten so used to Negi's presence her sleep was disturbed without him. As much as 3-F prided not being pedophile perverts— sorry, pedophile perverts and one old man chaser— as one who had once been in DEEP LOVE with Negi and wasn't adverse to him being in her fantasies about Chisame, she could understand the appeal. Especially after yesterday's shopping trip…

Wiping her drool again, Matoi's resolution firmed. If Chisame needed Negi-sensei cuddles, than with Kumeta as her witness, SHE WOULD GET NEGI-SENSEI CUDDLES!

….

** You're Gonna Carry That Weight, Ayaka-chan. **

By the time Ayaka finally moved enough objects off the door and opened it to allow Makie make a mad dash for the restroom, she had a dark scarf firmly wrapped over her eyes.

"Iincho, why do you—" Ako began peeking her head out the bedroom to look at her.

"This potion works based on the sense of sight," Ayaka interrupted her curtly. "If I looked at you now you drank it, I'd instantly fall in lust with you three."

Yuuna made a face. "Can I help you tie it tighter then? Just in case."

"No! No touchie! I'm taking no chances!" Ayaka barked.

"I'm serious," Yuuna offered.

"So am I!" the blode replied.

Makie walked back in, sighing happily and waving her just washed hands off. "Ahhhh! I feel much better now!"

"Good! Now walk back in there!" Ayaka tried to point at the bedroom, but since she was blindfolded, she pointed at the TV instead. With a sigh, Yuuna moved her hand so she was pointing at the right spot, guiding Ayaka's arm by her wristwatch.

"Can't we three go out for a romantic stroll together, if you don't want to have us here, Iincho?" Makie whined.

"God, no!" Ayaka gasped. "And having all the students and the faculty gang-banging you like some kind of…. Of Haruna manga? Not even you deserve such a fate!"

Yuuna grew suspicious. "You seem to know a lot about this drink's properties, Iincho. Why?"

"I... It was created by our Zaibatsu's chemical developments company!" Ayaka lied. Since she wasn't used to it, it was fairly unconvincent sounding. At least for Ako and Yuuna. "It was accidentally delivered to my home!"

"Right," Akashi hummed.

"I've told you I wouldn't ever use such a thing for my own benefit!" Ayaka argued.

"Right!" Akashi repeated. "Because it's for Negi's benefit, isn't it? You'll just do the noble sacrifice and become his bride to save him from the rest of us..."

"D-Don't be ridiculous!" the Class Rep stammered.

"Please, Yuuna-chan, don't make this harder for her," Ako pleaded, grabbing Yuuna by an arm and the gymnast by the other. "We already abused her hospitality, betrayed her trust, and caused her many problems, so let's just do what she says and spend a whole quiet, warm, _beautiful_... day in here. Together," there was a slight hint of purring in that last word.

Makie smiled slowly, drool pooling in a corner of her mouth. "That... sounds fun..."

"Very..." Yuuna agreed finally, with a very spaced out nod.

Sick of it all, Ayaka just guessed where they stood, and then pushed them back into the room, roughly, slamming the door behind them and barricading it once more as fast as she could.

Once it was done, she plopped down on the couch, running a hand over her sweaty face.

Those were going to be a very long twenty three or so hours, she thought, as the moans started flowing out from under the bedroom's door.

….

"Makie," Ako said suddenly. "Did you remember to soap down there afterwards?"

….

** To Make Solid Snake and Cupid Proud… **

Matoi crept through the halls of the tower, assured in the knowledge that she was completely invisible. It was a trick she'd picked up when she had been in DEEP LOVE with that ninja… What was their name again? Oh, right, Haruno Sakura…

She passed by two of Evangeline's puppets patrolling, and the pair ignored her completely.

As she moved away, the first puppet, Biggsette, turned to her companion. "Wedgette… was that a cardboard box just now?"

Wedgette nodded. "I guess the Mistress is in one of her Snake moods…"

The door to the boys' room was locked. Cue her lockpicking skills she'd picked up… well, who's ever heard of a stalker who couldn't pick locks?

The knob clicked satisfactorally as tumblers aligned, allowing her to turn the cylinder and gently open the door. The men's sleeping chamber was about the same size as the one she shared with Ai and the fake nuns. Each Negi had a bed, and for done reason her homerooom teacher was sleeping on the floor, thrashing a bit and muttering about World War III and how apes were conquering the world.

She crept silently into the room, taking her cardboard box with her and setting it aside, revealing she was wearing a copy of the lace-edged, frilly ninja maid outfit Chisame had copied some chapters ago from the Nabeshin movie. Padding quietly between the two beds, she frowned between the two sleeping Negis before nodding in satisfaction and turning towards the one without ridiculously long hair or wearing girlie clothes. Gently, she picked him up, and he instinctively seemed to snuggle against her as she held him in her arms.

He felt warm, and smelled of the soap Chisame-sama has used on him earlier while he'd screamed he could wash himself. His cheeks looked quite pinchable, and looking at him, Matoi found herself thinking that her classmates were definitely wrong, and that maybe…

The beginnings of DEEP LOVE re-stirred.

And then something happened to Matoi that she'd never experienced before.

She stopped herself.

She remembered Chisame; the cute way she scowled when she saw Matoi; the way she diligently worked on her website; the way her punch felt…

Shaking her head and getting back on track, she set up her box again and laid him on top of it. Then she got back underneath and started back the way she came.

Biggsette and Wedgette watched as the box went by them again, a sleeping Negi on top of it. "Someone is going to get some," Wedgette commented.

"Midnight booty call," Biggsette agreed.

Behind Matoi, the door hung open…

….

The lock to Chisame-sama's room was no problem at all, clicking open under her deft fingers as easily as if she'd had a key. And people wondered how she managed to plant microphones and take pictures of Chisame-sama sleeping. Opening the door silently, she drifted in carrying Negi, stalking in like a mist.

Chisame-sama was frowning more since Matoi had last seen her. Matoi took a moment to lever Sakurako back a little farther from Chisame, leaving the cheerleader poised at the edge of the bed. She was confident the girl wouldn't fall; she was too lucky for that. Satisfied that she'd dealt with the problem, Matoi gently placed Negi next to Chisame.

The effect was immediate. Negi's nose twitched, and his hands seemed to flail about slightly. They reached for Chisame almost desperately. Chisame, for her part, pulled him against herself, letting out a somehow satisfied (NOT _THAT_ WAY) sigh. The two came together, the smaller nested against the other, who clutched at him protectively.

Matoi waited for the tide of jealousy that gave her the strength to pull telephone poles out of the ground and use them as improvised weapons to rise at the sight of Chisame having someone else in her arms…

And it didn't come. There was just a mild satisfaction of having done a good night's work, a feminine desire to coo softly at the utter cuteness of the sight, and a small, warm feeling in her chest she wasn't sure she'd ever felt before. She just stood over them, surprised to find herself smiling at the two of them. She wasn't quite sure when she knelt down with her chin resting on her hands atop the bed's surface to get a better view of Chisame's face over Negi's, but that was the last thing she saw before the blackness of sleep finally took her…

….

Back down the way she'd come, the door hung open.

A small, lean form, its hair mussed and hanging down to make Sadako proud shuffled through, eyes firmly shut, bare feet padding softly on the cold stone floors as a mild breeze ruffled the pink, thankfully opaque nightgown, complete with lacy edges, it wore. Slowly, it began shuffling down the hall like a cannon fodder zombie in a Capcom game…

….

Pseudo-day came to the resort. One naked Evangeline woke up to sound of the other singing softly in place of soft snores. It was, she had to admit, not really a bad way to wake. The other her had a pleasant voice. Now, if only she could sing something else.

Cocone woke up to find the erotic dream she'd had of Misora proposing marriage to her had been a bit too much for her to handle, and barely managed to dry the huge hump-stain on Misora's leg with her magic before the runner woke up.

The sounds set Ai off, and she bolted up straight, crying, "I-I would like to apologize to the Academy for needing to give me this Oscar for being in 'Goodbye, Mr. Despair'! I would like to apologize to everyone who had to watch my performance—!" before she woke up and realized she wasn't at an awards show. "Ah! I'm sorry if my disjointed dream ramblings woke you up!"

"Ah, the first apology of the day," Misora muttered, rubbing her eyes. She paused, frowning. "What's that smell…?"

"What smell?" Cocone said innocently, waving her wand and discreetly trying to air out the room.

Chisame woke up to the familiar feeling of Negi sleeping next to her. She made a few habitual, thoughtless complaints and settled down before she remembered she wasn't sleeping in their dorm and he wasn't supposed to be there. That woke her up all the way.

She found Matoi kneeling next to her bed, sleeping with her head on her hands mere inches away, a trail of droll trickling from the corner of her mouth and a snot bubble shrinking and growing on one nostril. "What the heck…?" the hacker murmured.

Then a shrill cry echoed through the resort, waking up to full alertness everyone else who was still asleep.

" _DAMN IT, NEGI!_ " came Asuna's— or at least _an_ Asuna's— voice. " _YOU WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TOWER, BEHIND TWO LOCKED DOORS! HOW THE HECK DID YOU STILL MANAGE TO SOMEHOW END UP IN MY BED?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!_ " A beat. " _DID YOU COME IN THROUGH THE_ ** _WINDOW_** _IN YOUR SLEEP!-?-!-?-!-?-!"_

Kuro walked past the still open door of the room clad only in a towel and carrying a bathing bucket. " _It's a beautiful mornin'!_ " she sang as she passed. The knight waved at Misa. "Don't eat much, Missy! Wouldn't want you to puke during training. After breakfast, your ass is mine! _Morning's here, morning is here! Sunshine is clear. The dark of night has disappeared…_ " She skipped off.

Miss drooped. "Barely out of bed and I already feel like aching. I HATE that little pervert!"

Mei and Takane barely managed to get themselves in order as the Asuna they were rooming with sat up in the other bed. "Wow, onee-chan has a healthy pair of lungs" she murmured, rubbing her eyes. Then she frowned, her nose crinkling. "What's that smell?"

"What smell?" Mei and Takane chorused innocently as the blonde tried to use miniature shadow constructs to fan the air out of the room, and hoped Asuna didn't notice the state of the sheets under the blanket.

Itoshiki woke up and made his usual morning pronouncement when he did so. "I'M IN DESPAIR! THE FACT I DIDN'T DIE IN MY SLEEP HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

It was another day…

….

** Extra- Tales from Mundus Magicus, Part 3 **

Kurt Godel had one knee planted on the ground as he looked at the old man in the greenish suit.

The old man had his back turned on him for the whole meeting, as was his custom. Arms crossed behind himself, his dry, raspy voice perfectly clear at each word, and yet also managing to sound like a continuing murmur.

"Then, Commander Ikari and his wife have just left back for the Old World. And you tell me that, after so many months of research, they have achieved no results on keeping the goddess alive," he summed up.

"They say her body will collapse even before this world does," the younger man felt like he was repeating a perfectly researched and practiced, but maddeningly torturous and pointless, droned speech. He knew the old man already knew all that. The point of this whole meeting was only yet another odious display of his power over his own. They both knew the old man had already reached his decision.

Or not, perhaps. After all, the situation was extremely complex.

"How long?"

"Two years, three at most. Our world is, as you know, left with perhaps nine if the downward spiral keeps itself stable," Godel said, once again repeating lines of a farce.

"What is their opinion?"

"They suggested... taking on _that_ plan. You know Ikari. The man is obsessed."

"And you, of course, would oppose such course of action."

"Naturally. That is our enemies' plan. An insane scheme surely doomed to fail. Even if it succeeded, it would put a swift end to human civilization, to everything we have struggled for centuries to achieve. And we would be completely vulnerable to the goddess' companions and their retribution, should we take that path."

The old man put a hand on his chin. "You speak a few undeniable truths there, Godel. I have known Ikari for _a long, long time_. He is, certainly, brilliant in his own field. As is his wife. But they fail to see the larger picture, obsessed as they are on their own goal. I agree we would need to make sure our worlds are safe from supernatural intereference before deciding on any ultimate course of action. Yet, time plays against, while _they_ are eternal. We cannot completely discard what we managed to learn from the Cosmo Entelecheia yet."

The younger man scowled bitterly, and the other man seemed aware of it even without looking back at him.

"I will make sure to make it the only issue to be debated on our next session, Governor. Thanks for your report. You can leave now."

"Sir," he quickly stood up, bowed and turned around for the door. Perhaps somewhat too fast, as a matter of fact.

The old man pressed a button on a nearby console. "Mr. Schneider? It's me. We will be holding a Senate meeting in three hours. We will deal with the issue brought up by that woman. Your attendance, of course, will be absolutely necessary."

The visor headpiece he was forced to wear glinted for a moment under the waning sunlight filtering through the window, but surely that was not symbolic at all.

Godel was walking quickly across the palace's halls, hands tightened on fists at his sides.

As he reached the gates, he turned to one of the guards. "I will be coming back tomorrow. I forgot to tell Senator Lorentz about it, but I'm pretty sure he will be expecting me anyway."

….

**\- To be continued…**

….

** Sailor V Says: **

"Hello everyone! Sailor Venus here!"

"And Sailor Mercury, also known as Ookuchi Akira!"

"Mercury..."

"Just in case some reader doesn't remember my identity and thinks I'm Mizuno-san."

"Why would they think that?"

"How long has it been since the last update?"

"Okay. Fair enough. Then, what do you think is the moral we learned today?"

"That we should stop fooling around and just get to Kyoto already?"

"No, we still haven't learned that. The moral is, kids, never drink any mysterious bottles with labels written on foreign languages you find lying around your house!"

"Isn't that discriminatory against foreign languages, Venus-san?"

"Well, yeah, but you can say that because you have an universal translator."

"Yes. Maybe I should give one to Ako-chan, too..."

"Too late for her now."

"Well, at least it's not me this time."

"What— what did you just say?-!"

"Nothing!"

"Mercury!"

"Okay, I'm sorry! It's just I'm always the first one of the quartet to fall in this kind of situation! Haven't you ever read _Ura Jamma 15_?"

"The one with Jack Rakan?"

"No, that's 16. I think."

"Ah."

"Well, yes, you see, I'm sorry for Ako-chan, but..."

"How about the other two?"

"... Makie-chan never worries about anything, so I'm sure she won't worry about this either..."

"Okay..."

"And hopefully, this at least will steer Yuuna-chan away from her Dad..."

"Say what?"

"I have read that Doujin she once commissioned to Haruna. It was... worrying."

"No wonder all the Academy talks about 3-A."

"I know! It isn't easy studying there, believe me!"

"Relax, at least you aren't dead like Mako-chan. See? I can be OOC callous too when I want to."

"Venus-san, she's dead. That's too much, too far."

"I don't remember her in this timeline, that's my excuse, I'm sticking to it."

"You just remembered her!"

"That was a temporal freak time anomaly! LA-LA-LA! I DON'T REMEMBER HER NOW! LA-LA-LA!"

"... (Sigh) Okay, fade to black now, please, see you all next chapter..."

….

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade:_ **

**Full Name** : Ayase Yue

 **Known Aliases** : Yue-chi, Forehead Girl, The Philosopher Obscura Regina, Valkyrie Black, Dread Philosopher Yue-berts,

 **Alignment** : Lawful Good

 **ECL** : Rank A- threat

 **Religion** : Originally Shinto, but due to being on speaking terms with a reduced mortal goddess, a 2/3rds demigod, and an Amazon princess formed from clay and given life by a another goddess, she's decided to become a functional Agnostic.

 **Sexuality** : though claiming to be heterosexual in general (and Negi-sexual in particular), many have noticed the strange dynamics of Yue's interactions with some girls, notably her roommate, class representative, and the class rep's best friend during her stay in Ariadne. This is vehemently denied, which are completely disbelieved.

 **Family** : family unknown, though she, like many, wants to have one with Negi Springfield.

 **Affiliations** : Mahora Academy, the Library Island Explorers Club, Ala Alba, the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association, the Ariadne Academy War Maidens Valkyrie Division.

 **Background** : Once a normal if academically below average student of Mahora Academy, her life unknowingly took a turn for the magical when Negi Springfield became her class's homeroom teacher (it was already strange). At first, her interaction with him was strictly limited to encouraging Nodoka to admit her feelings for him. However, she managed to divine the existence of magic after the field trip to Kyoto, and her world was changed forever.

During the Mahorafest Incident, she primarily played an advisory role, using her Artifact to access information, as well as counseling Negi through his doubts and fears about fighting Chao Lingshen (Personal Note: I'd be pissed, if things hadn't turned out so good).

After Mahorafest she, along with Nodoka, began to learn the basics of Magisterial Wizardry, of which they apparently possessed the ability to learn.

The incident at the Megalomesembria City Gateport led to her appearance at the Academy City of Ariadne, whereupon she accidentally lost her memory. Confused and with no alternatives presenting themselves at the time, her intellectual curiosity moved her to enroll in the preparatory classes for the city's War Maiden brigades. At first as academically inept as she was in Mahora, her rise quickly became meteoric, culminating in her planning, executing and succeeding in a plan to deal with a rogue griffin-dragon that threatened her classmates. This incident gave rise to the first of what would soon be many Yue Farandole (as she was calling herself at the time) fan clubs (it is now considered a mark of status to be an early member of the fan club known as "Yue Maniacs". Curiously, Emily Sevensheep, Collette Farandole and Beatrix Monroe all possess membership cards with one-digit registration numbers).

In the end, she, like the rest of Ala Alba, was instrumental in the defeat of Kosmo Entelekhia. Things, however, did not settle down. She, also like the rest of Ala Alba, was drawn into the incident known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case. She, Haruna, Yue, and their cute mute classmate Cassandra (see note: Agent: "Spoiler") faced off against the knight Vita during the Wolkenritter's attack on Mahora, and prevented her from taking Evangeline's Linker Core. She was also one of those who responded during the Invader mass-activation incident at the end of the 5th Holy Grail War in Fuyuki city.

After the finishing middle school in Mahora, she spent the break until high school registration completing her studies at Ariadne before being admitted, along with the other veterans of her security team from Ostia, into the Valkyries, the most prestigious War Maiden Battalion. She was later assigned as military liaison to Mahora Academy, allowing her to continue her studies there.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Yue is a trained librarian, and thus skilled in rappelling, unarmed combat, small arms combat, knives, the Dewey Decimal System, library and wilderness survival, spelunking, book repair, finding the smutty books intentionally misplaced in the shelves by students trying to keep them all to themselves, locking, and trap identification and disarmament, among other skills. She is also a classically trained Mage, having learned in her few brief weeks at Ariadne Academy, as well as receiving weapons training, particularly in the use of the sword-lance weapon the Souken.

Her elemental specialty is ice magic, and has recently asked to become, and grudgingly been admitted as, Evangeline's newest direct apprentice. A calculating fighter, Yue is able to near-instantly assess situations and conceive multiple possible end scenarios, and plan accordingly. Like Negi, she is highly intellectual in her combat tactics, relying on pre-prepared counter protocols, strategic use of information, and a willingness to self-sacrifice to achieve her objectives. The latter is why she is always teamed up with Nodoka and/or Haruna, to make sure she doesn't do anything pragmatically sound but suicidally stupid.

She is also a fan of The Princess Bride and Monty Python, with all the quotes that implies.

….

_**Straight from The Black Jokebook!** _

**Full Name** : The Joker.

 **Full REAL Name, You Ask?** : I'll tell you what. Why don't you tell me yours first?

 **Known Aliases:** Joseph Kerr, John Dough, Jack White, Oberon Sexton, Ivar Loxias, Bianca Stepplechase (don't ask!)

 **Alignment:** Lawful Good. What? You don't believe me? Why would I lie to you? When have I ever lied to y— Wait, wait, wait, don't walk away! Fine! Chaotic Evil! Happy now?

 **Religion:** You all shall worship Groucho Marx someday, too!

 **Sexuality:** Batmansexual. But since I'm so nice, I'll ocassionally toss Harley a bone every once in a while. Heh. Bone.

 **Family:** No, thanks.

 **Affiliations:** Harley Quinn (henchgirl), Bob, Mo, Lar, Cur, Gaggy, Punch, Judy, Bruno, Abner (henchmen. I think those are the ones still alive, anyway), Bud and Lou (pets), Quartum (boy sidekick), Hoshino Ruri (hacker pet).

 **Background:** In this time loop, Yours Truly emerged from chemical waste at the Axis Chemical Factory in Gotham City, Dear Good Ol' USA, seven years ago. I may have been a failed comedian struggling to support a doomed pregnant wife before that. Or maybe I was just a cheap thug wearing a red hood. Or both things at once. Really, am I asking you about _your_ past? About if you've moved from Mom's basement yet?

Regardless, from there, I quickly pulled a gang together and began a mass extortion racket killing millionaires and threatening other fat cats to spill their goods to me or else. A pedestrian plan, but give me a break, I was only starting. In all truth, it was a decoy scheme to get me some money while achieving my true goal- poisoning the Gotham Water Reservoir. Unluckily, a certain flying rat stopped my beautiful dreams. In the ensuing struggle, I was left for dead, but you can't keep a good clown down for long.

I think my second criminal escapade involved stealing jewels and crossing Catwoman (God, I hate cats). Don't want to talk about it, actually.

For my third outing, I kidnapped a councilwoman to use as a bait for Batsy. The trap worked a bit too well, and I thought I had actually killed him. With my nemesis dead, I thought I had nothing left to top it, so I hung the clown shoes and decided to start a new life at the suburbs under a fake identity. I met a nice girl named... what was her name... Rebecca?... there, and thought of settling down, but well, a good bat doesn't stay dead either. Once the Batman returned the stage, I had to pull a comeback of my own.

Sometimes I wonder what became of what-was-her-name.

Anyway, that was the first and final time I flirted with retirement. I bedeviled Bats a few more times, including a team-up with Metropolis' _second_ (ha hah!) favorite son Lex Luthor, which made Bats and Supey team up as well for the first time ever. (They owe everything to us).

Around that time, Bats gained a disturbingly youthful boy helper in hot short pants named Robin. Even I couldn't out-creep that, so I settled for convincing a young psychiatrist promise at Arkham Asylum, one Dr. Harleen Quinzeel, to join my merry crusade as the bombastic Harley Quinn. Then she paid my kindness by flirting with that eco-slut Poison Ivy whenever I just threw her off a window or something. Honestly, other than big breasts, Angelina Jolie lips, and an unhealthy tolerance for the smell of fertilizer, what does _she_ have that I don't?

In any case, a few happy adventures after, I shot Robin a few times under the rain (my finger slipped on the trigger! For real!), leaving him a swiss cheese. The brat survived (THERE IS NO JUSTICE!), but Batman, fearing for his safety, 'fired' him (a bit too late, Bats...). Proving there's no limit to human idiocy, however, the Boy Blunder just left Gotham to found the group of super snot-nosed failures known as the Teen Titans.

More recently, I was involved in a theft of a nuclear bomb I sold the nation of Qurac. After that, I was freed from Arkham and convinced to help save the world for once. Yeah, eat that, Batman! For that noble task, I've been charged with tutelage over the remorseless fighting machine known as Quartum and the oh so cute for words super-duper hacker Hoshino Ruri. And so we head into Japan, as a happy family, and that's why the hell I'm in a Negima fanfiction now.

I can tell we're going to have some major fun.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Beyond having a wonderful sense of humor and irresistible sexual magnetism, I am a criminal genius, gifted at Chemistry and Mechanics. My favorite weapon is the hilarious Joker Toxin, aka Smilex, Joker Juice or Joker Poison, an invention that swiftly kills while leaving a grinning rictus on your face.

I am so insane I cross the whole field over to super-sanity, allowing me to remember prior repeats of this timeline, and know we're just living in a fanfic and we should just relax. (La-la-la!) How does that work? Beats me, what do I look like? A cosmologist?

Years of experimenting on myself have rendered me immune to most toxins and venoms, and even my blood is toxic, so sorry, Evangeline. You always could suck another part of me, though.

Although I'm no Ku Fei or anything, I'm a decent self taught street brawler, and can trade occasional punches with Bats.

Additionally, while I don't know much about spells, and I'm no Harry Potter knockoff with Goku genes tossed in, I can pull a _mean_ disappearance trick with a pencil...

….

 **Next:** Two new Sailor Senshi wake up, someone gets a Pactio, and 3-A finally gets on the train to Kyoto. Be there and leave reviews, please.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OM, signing off.

 


	35. Lesson 30: Kyoto or Bust

**_Your Alternate Universe Ala Alba Girls' Fake Names and You:_ **

2814 Asuna= Kanda Akemi

2814 Chisame= Shimura Yumi

2814 Haruna= Ishige Sawa

OverMaster's A/N: I kinda loaned the scientific genius aspect of Soryu Asuka Langley from the excellent fanfiction classic _Nobody Dies, but with one twist or two. Unequally Asuka is a heavily Composite Character of different incarnations of herself. She has the intelligence of the Nobody Dies version, the tsun side of her TV self, the dere side of her Rebuild self, the still living mother from the Shinji Ikari Raising Project manga, and the hand to hand fighting skills from the Sadamoto manga (although we won't see those yet)._

...

Unequally Rational and Emotional

by OverMaster

Lesson 30: "Kyoto or Bust" or **_"FINALLY!-!-"_**

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

 _Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt_ belongs to Gainax Studios.

 _Madoka Magica_ belongs to SHAFT Studios.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing, sneeze jokes, and slight amounts of cake. If you dislike excessive amounts of the aforementioned, I recommend this nice little story about a boy whose dog dies. it's a very important book. You know because it has a medal on it.

...

_Dan da da dandan da dan!_

**_Previously, on Unequally Rational and Emotional:_ **

Kuro: And so Ala Alba barely manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory!

Negi: Say what now?

Kuro: Oh, wait, I got that the other way around. Victory from the jaws of defeat, my mistake.

Sakurako: oh, that makes more sense.

Chisame: as much as things ever do here…

Kuro: Anyway, Ala Alba somehow manages to win out against the Order of the Blackened Denarius.

Itoshiki: What now?

Kuro: Despite this, Hakase is still thrown into prison for a crime she didn't commit!

Hakase: It was Chao's turn to destroy the evidence!

Chisame: What did you say?

Hakase: Nothing.

Calculator: I need to get another gig. I hear Sereg5 is actually writing in his own fics…

Kuro: In prison, Hakase meets Princess Asuna, who is also wrongfully imprisoned for the heinous crime of… JAYWALKING!

Asuna: I'm a princess?

Twilight: She means me. Jaywalking? Really? You're going with that?

Kuro: Princess Asuna, knowing her death is nigh, teaches Hakase everything she knows of culture, high society, swordfighting, Xanatos Gambits, revenge and the location of the lost treasury of Ostia!

Yue: Wait a minute… this is the plot of The Count of Monte Cristo!

Kuro: Er… Hakase escapes on the the famous racehorse Miracle, and finds herself at Castle Anthrax!

Haruna: And now she's mixing Monty Python and Mel Brooks…

Kuro: Oh for… while there, Hakase has lots of sex with the whole harem of girls of the castle, who all look like Sakurako!

Hakase:…

Erebus: Konoka! She looks like she needs healing!

Konoka: **I'll heal you…**

Setsuna: I haven't seen that much blood from a nose since the last Ala Alba beach trip…

Haruna: Ah, the 'Konoka losing her whole swimsuit incident'…

Setsuna:…

Nodoka: Setsuna-san?

Setsuna: I need healing…

Kuro: Anyway, find out what happens next on… UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL!

Misora: Hey! Don't I get an appearance?

...

**Prologue: You're a Naughty Man, Despair-sensei.**

"They told me they'll be sending you back home tomorrow. Is that true?" Asakura-nee said, smiling as she crouched down next to him.

Nozomu nodded ruefully. The part of her that kept on bringing statistics when observing any given fact pointed out, once more, that she had never seen him smiling. The closest he ever came to it was whenever he laid eyes on the First Princess.

Still, and while Ryoko was not that precise when it came to analyze the always subtle and troubling precise degrees of human emotional display, she feel like she could make a safe appreciation of never seeing him that sad ever before.

She ran a hand through his dark hair. "Nagi-san has lost some confidence after losing Darkwing-san, hasn't he?"

Itoshiki-kun huffed. "What? No, he hasn't. The Thousand Master never loses his confidence. Never."

"That is an incorrect observation. Although he attempts substaining a facade to that end, no doubt in no small part to keep himself going emotionally. You should realize that, in his own way, he is just like the rest of you. Only human despite all his achievements, " the beautiful girl told him.

Nozomu sulked. He looked different when he actually sulked, going beyond his habitual moody expressions. Ryoko wondered why she felt something strange inside of her when she saw him behaving that way. It was a peculiar compulsion to hold him in her arms. Since she most likely wouldn't ever get a chance to do it after that day, and it would not harm her mission or contradict her orders in any way, she did just that just this once.

Itoshiki-kun's eyes grew impossibly wide as he felt himself hugged, tightly embraced against her. She smelt so good.

But not better than Arika Hime-sama.

"Just like he can feel bad, you can feel good as well, Nozomu-kun," she whispered. "Don't ever forget that."

And she placed a light, gentle kiss on his forehead. Then she stood up, turned around and left, turning his room's lights off on her way.

Itoshiki-kun blushed brightly enough to light his face up in the darkness. It was the first time ever a girl had kissed him.

For a short while, he would forget Arika Hime-Sama.

He never saw Asakura Ryoko again until he was teaching in Mahora, and learned she was the Class Representative for Class 1-E. At first, he believed it was only someone with the same name, but then he actually met her again. She didn't look a single day older.

"You knew I don't belong to the human race, didn't you?" she asked him when they finally were alone behind the main Mahora building.

"I suspected that much, yes. But, seeing you here, after so long... It's a gigantic shock, shaking my already unstable grip on sanity! What are you doing here, after all this time?"

"I'm sorry. That's classified information."

After the short meeting, Kimidori Emiri caught up to her on her way back home. "I was informed you volunteered for this assignment."

"I knew I was the most qualified unit for it, and I desired for a chance to gather information on the phenomenon personally," Ryoko answered. "Why wouldn't I, under such circumstances, volunteer? It is the only logical course of action."

"Your choice of words betrays your intentions," the green haired girl observed. "We do not 'desire' for anything. Even Nagato Yuki understands that."

"It would seem I experienced a brief, inconsequential mistake on my selection of terms for this description of the situation at hand. My apologies."

It was easy to tell Kimidori was not convinced at all, although she chose not pursuing the subject for the time being.

As time passed by, Asakura grew convinced Kimidori and Nagato's means to approach the Kyon matter were inadequate. Enough of her superiors agreed with her to allow her a temporal authorization to act on her reports' results, although she knew a majority of the Data Overmind would override that decision soon. She calculated she had around one day in Earth terms.

So that night she showed up in Itoshiki-sensei's house.

She had her ways to get what she wanted.

That morning, as she was buttoning her bra back on, he shook his head sadly, still shirtless, bony ribs showing up. It was cute in a way. His despair, so vocal and loud moments ago, had washed away, replaced by an endless melancholy, a deep regret. "We can't do this ever again."

"We won't, " she observed objectively.

"Even if we don't, though, the shadow of this horrible mistake will pursue us forever. You are—"

"I'm far older than you, " she said, fixing her long hair back. "I was created long before your lineage came into being. Your moral concerns about our relationship have no actual basis."

"We don't have a relationship! I mean, we just had one, yes, and I don't intend to be callous, but... again, it was a sore mistake. We are teacher and student, and despite any ages differences or lack thereof, that's still—"

She turned back and caressed his cheek, smiling. "Thank you, Itoshiki-sensei. For allowing me to experience this for the first time. For someone like me, it is important to collect first hand information on all aspects of human behavior and knowledge, but even beyond that, I'm satisfied you could be my first in regard to this."

"S-Sex?" he stammered lamely.

"Love," she said, and leaned ahead to kiss his lips.

Then she turned around and left once more.

Right after that, she left that love letter in Kyon-kun's locker. When he got to the rendezvous place, she was waiting there for him, knife in hand. For the objective. And for Nozomu-kun.

Then Nagato Yuki happened.

Two days later, Emiri was the one who finally could tell Itoshiki-sensei what had happened to Asakura-san. "She was transferred. It was a very sudden decision taken by her family, from what I heard."

"I see, " he nodded, feeling even sadder than normally. He knew it was a lie, but the truth behind it was still the same. She wouldn't come back.

Just like Arika Hime-sama.

That was why he didn't fall in love.

_Now:_

"I'm home," Nagato Yuki's voice whispered, the short girl walking in.

The defeated, diminutive physical leftovers of Asakura in Super-Deformed form were hunched over her baby table, pouting cutely. "Welcome..." she slurred the word out.

"Are you feeling well?" Nagato asked, which was strange. It seemed she was acting more human lately, too. Asakura was convinced it was ironic karma, and that it'd harm her as well later on.

"Yes," Ryoko nodded. "I am physically well, as much as I can in this state."

"Hm," Nagato said, heading for the kitchen to prepare herself some tea. "On a first glance, it would seem you have been left in Despair."

In moments like those, Asakura was sure Nagato said such things fully on purpose.

She vented her annoyance by throwing the empty saki bottle into the other interface's forehead.

...

**And now, on Topic…**

At this point you, noble reader, are probably expecting some new lengthy narration of the intense fights and harsh training sessions seen through the second day in Evangeline's resort, but since for the most part such activities were a repeat of those seen in the first day, and we really want to get to Kyoto soon, we'll gracefully skip over them for the most part. Instead, we'll resort to the tried and true tradition of the Training Montage. Yeah, we're aiming for every trope in the book. Sue us.

_Evangeline sitting on a large rock, smiling and sipping a cup while watching Erebus beating the stuffing out of Negi. Always in the most gentlemanly way possible, naturally. Sitting at the sidelines, Ai wonders silently if this might count as some sort of masochism._

"Ah! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

_They were stealing her catchphrase, too._

_Misa and Kuro having another lopsided yet stubbornly long and brutal catfight, while Mei looks at her watch and wonders if she could ask for a relocation with Sakurako._

"Skank!"

"Useless weight!"

"Evil Loli!"

"Team Bella!"

" ** _DIE BITCH"_**

_Chamo drinking with Chachazero._

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

_Misora defending herself as best as she can with two small batons against Setsuna. For some reason or another, Konoka and Cocone seem to sip drool back every once in a while as they watch on._

"The panties… the panties…!"

_Chachamaru and Karakuri making lunch._

"And that's how you make a Chocolate Overkill Omnicide!"

_Asuna and Kagurazaka bashing each other in the head while laughing merrily. Lots of bell ringing was heard._

"Asuna Punch!"

"Asuna Kick!"

"Asuna Block!"

"Asuna Slash!"

 _Yue, Nodoka and Haruna trying to explain the concept of 'Befriending' in a combat context to Sakurako. She seems to understand, but she also asks who is this Green Lantern_ _who seems to be such an authority on the subject. Her questions on it are met with evasions._

"And remember: aim for the face!"

_Chisame, Matoi and Hakase marching miserably through a scorching desert._

"Ah! Chisame-sama's sweaty shirt is letting me see her _bra…!_ "

_Calculator calmly sitting back surfing the Internet._

" ** _BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Eat my algorithms, Sailor Mercury!_** "

_Rocky Balboa is seen— No, wait. But you're welcome to imagine 'Eye of the Tiger' sounding all through this montage anyway. Although you shouldn't. That's so cliche._

Now, with that out of the way, we move on to one of our 5, 872 subplots before going back to our heroes...

...

Finally, Akira managed to gurgle, "Venus."

"Yeah?" the other Sailor Senshi said, in the same choked tone.

"Now what?"

Minako seemed to think it over for several long, (literally) agonizing moments, before gasping, "We wait for Tuxedo Kamen-sama?"

The hands squeezing their throats squeezed even harder then.

While her eyes began to resemble bulbous tennis balls struggling to pop free, Akira wheezed, "I want a second opinion..."

Morgan laughed, holding each girl with a clawed hand, pressing them against a wall of the wrecked jewelry store. "HA HA HA HA! Poor stupid children! But never fear, your deaths won't be in vain! Through your demise, I'll be granted the greatest honors of them all by Lord Jadeite!"

"A promotion?" Minako said.

"A raise?" Akira ventured.

"TENTACLES! Finally, I can get to r–"

She stopped herself in mid word when Akira's cellphone rang.

"May... May I...?" the swimmer asked, coughing and gasping.

After a moment of hesitation, the monstress nodded. "Why not? But don't take long. I'm working overtime here already as it is."

"Thanks," Akira nodded with a dry strangled voice, pulling the phone out of her Sailor Fuku skirt. Where it was the whole time, she tried not to think about. She answered to it, noticing the Youma had softened her grip on her a bit. While tightening her hold on Minako, making her trash around struggling to free herself. "Moshi Moshi? Oh, hello, Ako-chan..."

"Akira-chan, um, I just-just wanted to tell you I won't be coming home tonight..." Izumi's voice came, slightly panting and throaty.

"Oh, maybe I won't, either..." Akira gasped for air.

"Really? Ahh... Good for you... I mean... Oohhhh... Take care, okay? I'm, I'm with Yuuna and Makie, playing... Twister, and..." There was a very strange sound then.

"Ako-chan?" Akira asked, now truly worried.

"It's, it's nothing, A-ki-ra-chan!" Ako huffed and puffed. "I just, err, fell down! Good-Good luck in your date!"

"Date?" Akira blinked, as the clicking in her ear told her the call was over. She looked helplessly at Minako. "Apparently, my roommate thinks we're a couple."

"What?-!" Venus gawked. "Hell no! I'm 100% into boys! Just ask Ami-chan! She'll tell you! The whole incident with her and Shizuna-sensei was only because of that other Youma's love spores! Honestly! I don't fantasize about it sometimes at all!"

"You aren't a couple?" Morgan looked confounded. "We all thought you were! Well, all but Thetis! Damn, now I'll have to pay her up on our bet! That makes me so angry I'll kill you both right n—"

Then a red rose embedded itself into her skull from above.

And then that cheesy music began again...

Akira turned her jaded eyes up at the skylight. "Oh, it's you. Thanks.."

Minako's eyes had just became huge pink hearts, even as Morgan, screaming, released her and Akira and they fell unceremoniously on their butts. It barely registered in Venus' mind. "TUXEDO KAMEN-SAMAAAA!-!-!"

Akira felt oddly compelled to, for once in her life, snort. There she was going again, falling all to pieces over the stuffy guy in the evening wear...

Honestly, he wasn't even Negi-sensei-cute!

"Do it now, Sailor Venus!" Tuxedo Kamen said, making Akira wonder exactly why he never bothered to finish the monsters himself.

"Of course, whatever you say, as you wish it, immediately, no doubt at all, Tuxedo Kamen-sa—!" Venus eagerly turned around preparing a Crescent Beam, only to find out Akira had already frozen Morgan to an ice statue. Her jaw fell down.

"... What?" Mercury asked. "Didn't I do it right?"

Venus facepalmed. "The Heroine is supposed to be the one who always finishes the monsters!"

Artemis finally peeked out from the display he had been hiding behind the whole time. "Actually, I'm starting to think we should reconsider who is The Heroine here..."

"NOT HELPING, ARTEMIS!" Minako roared, staring swords at him. "I'M THE EXPERIENCED ONE, IT'S OBVIOUS I MUST PROTECT HER, AND PROTECTING HER MEANS FINISHING THE MONSTERS FOR HER, AND FACING THE PAPARAZZI FOR HER, AND TACKLING THE POTENTIALLY DEANGEROUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH HANDSOME MISTERY GENTLEMEN FOR HER, AND—!"

"Goodbye, Tuxedo Kamen-san..." Akira, unfazed, waved up at the skylight. A distraught Minako followed her gaze now.

"What?-! He went out again without saying goodbye?-!"

Akira blinked. "Oh no, he told me goodbye. And he even gave me this rose," she held another red rose up, as Minako cried streams of cartoon tears. "Venus-san? Something... wrong...? Venus-san, why are you bashing your head against that display?"

Still in the floor feigning unconsciousness, Rin twitched her nose. She hoped they'd go away soon, since she was really feeling like going to the restroom now...

...

**Interlude: Skuld**

Peorth looked lazily over the much younger goddess' shoulder. "So, what is Keiichi doing now?"

"Why should I care?" Skuld snorted. "And why would I know?"

"You have him right in that screen, " the taller deity casually pointed to one of the holo screens showing the Mahora area, specifically the one displaying Morisato having lunch with Takahata Takamichi.

"If you can see him, why are you asking me?" Skuld dodged the first question.

Peorth grinned. "You know, you have been monitoring both him and Mahora a lot lately."

"Mahora must be observed closely ever since those transdimensional incidents happened, " Skuld pointed out. "And... that guy... well, my sister would have liked it. To have him watched. Just so he doesn't get into anything too bad," she offered sadly.

Peorth's expression softened into a gentle smile. She caressed Skuld's silky black mane with a hand. "You're a good girl, _cheri_."

"GAH! DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD! YOU KNOW I **HATE** THAT!"

"... Well, sorry!" Peorth huffed, turning aside and crossing her arms.

Skuld made a choked suffering sound. "Ever since 'that person' went away... You're the only one who still treats me like that."

Peorth lowered her head only a bit. "It's okay to say you miss Urd too, Skuld."

The smaller girl muttered angrily. "I miss when I didn't have to do her job on top of mine, that's all."

"Yes. Sure, " Peorth mused.

...

**Interlude: Sister Shakti**

She flipped through the thick stash of letters left at the church's doorsteps. "These perverts don't respect anything!"

Sitting cross legged smoking a cigarette, Sister Eda shrugged callously. "To be fair, it's not like we have any actual chastity votes..."

"But they don't know it!" Sister Shakti countered. She handed her a few of the letters. "These are yours, by the way."

"Hoo hoo!" Eda chuckled cagily. "Six! Twice as much last month! How many did the others get?"

"Three for Father Garterbelt, four for Sister Ortensia, four for Misora, and six for Cocone. Filthy pedophiles."

Eda grimaced. "She got as many as me?-!"

"Scary thought, isn't it?"

"And Yukariko?"

"Five. I wonder what's taking her so long, anyway?" Shakti frowned. "She promised she'd be here by now..."

_Elsewhere, Ishigami-sensei gently caressed Sister Yukariko's face as he took her from behind..._

And finally, Eda asked, "And how many did **you** get, Shakti?"

"..."

"C'mon, tell me! There's no shame on if if you only got one or two! It means you infuse respect, and that's right what you want, right?"

"... I got _eight_..." Shakti groaned.

Eda smirked. "Guide us to perfection, Memetic Sex Goddess!"

"Silence, or I'll send you to Heaven!"

"Ooohhhh, is that a come on?"

"... Right. I forgot Heaven wouldn't ever take you, unless they have some really low standards..."

Meanwhile, Peorth smiled, looking down at the pseudo-nuns. "You know, I like that Eda one. Dibs on her soul when she dies."

Skuld made a disgusted face. "Oh, for the days when Belldandy was in charge..."

...

**Not Exactly Keroppi.**

_The gardens of Arkham._

"Kero, kero," the frog-like monster woman made a croaking, guttural, gurgling sound while lurching towards Harley threateningly.

"Hm, yeah, I was about to say that," the blonde took a step back. "Love what you did to your hair. It's very... green. I dig that." Her eyes went slight unfocussed and horny. "Ah…! Green hair…!"

"Kero, kero kero kero!" the monster hopped forward, her pose growing more menacing. Harley backed away even more.

"Eee! What's the matter, Hon? I'm sure we can discuss this like civilized girls! Er, I mean, kero-kero kero kero kero, right?"

The frog woman's face grew redder, and she shouted an angry storm. "KERO KERO! KERO KERO KERO KERO!"

"What did I say?-! What did I say?-!" Harley whined.

"You just told her that her mother's a whore," Ves Ves growled.

"Oh, I see."

"Since I created her, I'm her mother," Ves Ves' growl grew fiercer.

"Well, if your tongue fits…" Cere Cere muttered under her breath

Harley laughed apologetically. "Oh, I'm sure we'll remember this in five years and laugh so much...!"

"KERO KERO!" The monster leaped at her, reaching for her neck with her webbed hands.

"Yipe!" Harley pirouetted back with the agility of a gymnast, barely dodging the attack. She saw a downed guard on the grass with a lemur attached to his face, and grabbed his gun as fast as she could. She wasted no time in aiming at the monster's chest and shooting. She shot several times. "Hah! Eat lead, you miserable alien invader from planet Keron!"

_Somewhere in Tokyo, Sargeant Keroro paused from his dutiful floor scrubbing. "Why do I feel like I've just had my first gratuitous cameo ever-kero?"_

_Hinata Natsumi just poked at his green butt with a foot. "Stop looking excuses to slack, you lazy frog!"_

Kero Kero staggered, making a sound of agony, before clutching at her chest in terrible pain. Harley pointed and laughed. "Serves you right, Froggy! You shoulda known I've been in both PETA's and the WWF's most wanted lists for four years now!"

Ves Ves blinked. "The wrestlers?"

"I think that's the WWE now..." Cere Cere was rubbing her forehead with a hand.

Then a second, green and slimy mouth opened itself in the monster's stomach, and it spat the bullets to the ground, where they rolled to Harley's feet. After that, Kero Kero stood straighter, her wounds closing quickly, and regaining a wicked smile.

Quinn pouted and lifted an eyebrow. "Okay. So maybe I spoke out of turn."

"KERO KERO...!" The monster grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up, starting to strangle her.

_Somewhere in his sealed sleep, a tall red haired man stirred. Was someone stealing one of his trademark poses...?_

"Gah..." Harley gasped for air, trying to kick free wildly. "Whole life... Flashing before eyes! Puddin'... Red... Mom and Dad... Bro... Bats... Oh, so that's where I left those keys... Gahhh... Everything going black... Damn, I didn't want to remember... that prom night..."

"Even dying, she won't shut up!" Cere Cere couldn't believe it.

With her face still in the dirt, Poison Ivy listened to the green, wet voices of the grass squirming into her mind.

_Gaia needs you._

_Revenge._

_Prisoner._

_The Green wants you._

_Others like you._

_Live._

_Free her for us._

_This power._

_Your power._

_Fight._

_For us._

_For her._

_For The Green._

_By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!_

Ivy blinked.

_What, the Green can't have a sense of humor?_

She finally found herself thinking, _What must I do now?_

Harley finally fell silent as she felt all stength leaving her. She couldn't breathe anymore. Or move. She was seeing something in the darkness, something like an astrologic symbol, but she couldn't quite make it out at full. She tried to say 'Puddin'', but failed.

Then she heard Ves Ves's voice saying, "Wait. I think it's actually working."

Poison Ivy was working back to her feet, breathing raggedly. Cere Cere smirked at her, a fist on her right hip. "Well! Nice to see my treatment has helped you after all, Pamela! Now, I think you have something really important to tell us?"

She looked at the pink haired woman with sharp green eyes full with hatred. "Yes."

And she lifted an arm up, outstretching her hand. Fighting past the drugs in her system, she listened to the wonderful mushy voices ringing in her brain. "Neptune Power. Make up."

...

Just as the Negis, Takane and Itoshiki were calling it a day and preparing to leave, Ai finally worked up the courage to speak again after a few vigorous nudges from Chamo.

"E-E-Excuse me, Sensei!" she gulped.

"Yes?" both Negis looked in her direction.

"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you!" she yelped. "And I don't mean to offend you now, either, but I really didn't need to speak with either of you! I-I-I'd like to talk with you, Itoshiki-sensei, if that isn't much of a bother!"

"Oh?" Despair tilted his head towards her. "Naturally, Kaga-san. I assume this is a question related to our incoming field trip?"

"Sorry to ruin your expectations, but... not exactly..." she denied shyly.

"The next term's first tests?" he asked again.

"N-No..."

"Are you going to assume responsibility over another one of Mitama-san's misdeeds?"

"Not today..." she admitted.

"Then what?" the teacher looked genuinely curious now.

"I... Forget it, it's noth—" Chamo bit her in the ankle, and she forced herself to keep going, "I mean, I know it's nothing, but I'd still like to ask you about it! B—B-B-Buh-But could it be in private, please?" she trembled. "N-Not like I have anything against you at all, despite how scary you may be, or how you go around without underwear!"

Takane scowled deeply. "Really pushing your luck here, Sempai..."

"S-Sorry! But, um... I... I know, you know, I mean, it's not like, well, yes it is, but still... What I'm trying to say in my clumsy and shameful style is..."

Itoshiki sighed with infinite resignation. "Please, Kaga-san. If it's really a matter that needs privacy, let's just go discuss it behind those boulders..."

"N-N-No!" Ai panicked, pointing in another direction. "Behind _those_!"

Itoshiki lifted a thin eyebrow. "Some special reason why it needs to happen behind _those_?"

"..." she said before lamely adding, "I like black boulders better than gray ones?"

Itoshiki actually smiled a small smile, making her heart soar. "Oh, so do I!" he said. "Well, let's go there, then! Springfield-sensei, Negi-sensei, Takane-kun, please wait for us only a moment, okay?"

"Sorry for bothering you like this!" Ai asked, even as she dragged her teacher with herself.

The three young people were so busy staring at them and blinking mutely, they didn't even notice Chamo skipping after the duo with a devilish glint in his eyes.

But as soon as they were out of sight behind the boulders, Takane moved strategically to spy on them.

"Goodman-san!" Negi whispered, coming closer to try and pull her back. "What are you doing? That's rude..."

"I'm just checking they don't do anything improper,"Takane whispered back. "I'm his student as well, and as such, it's my duty..."

Erebus, hanging further back, added his whispered opinions to the conversation. "Come on, Itoshiki-sensei can look after himself there. He's a grown man..."

"Other than in body, you mean?" Takane asked, humorless.

Erebus opened his mouth to argue, but closed it back when he vaguely realized she might have some kind of point.

...

**Intense Five Way Girl Action! Sort Of.**

Harley was waving a heartfelt goodbye to the nice pale lady with the ankh and the hat. She thought she vaguely heard the lady asking her to tell Puddin' stop making her work extra hours if she ever saw him again, but she wasn't too sure.

The next thing she knew, she was being dropped on the grass, just as she more or less saw Red between the spots clouding her sight. Oddly, Red was now wearing some sort of ridiculous (even for Gotham crime standards) outfit consisting of a green miniskirt over a white bodysuit, plus a big emerald bow on her chest and green high heeled shoes. It made a very good match with Red's pale greenish skin. But it still didn't make it any less ridiculous.

Weirdest of it all, the two half naked circus chicks were positively delighted by the change.

"We did it...!" Ves Ves cooed. "Oh, the Princess will be so pleased with us!"

"Assuming she survives it, yes," Cere Cere said. "Hey, but even if she doesn't, it's okay if we take the Star Seed to the Princess, right? I think she can then put it into any hostess of her choice, can't she?"

Ves Ves blinked. "I don't believe even she can do that."

"You sure?"

"Pretty sure. Maybe her Mom, but not her."

"I'm not dead yet, " Ivy said.

The two sisters gave her a cynical glare.

"You don't even know the basic attacks yet, do you?" Cere Cere asked.

"Can I kill her already-kero?" Kero Kero asked.

"Not yet!" Ves Ves hushed her with a finger over her mouth. "We want to learn about her first!"

"Then we kill her-kero?" Kero Kero insisted.

"Of course, sweetie."

Ivy breathed in, lifted her arms, and said, "Deep Submerge."

Immediately, a gigantic blast of water appeared in front of her, slamming against Kero Kero and sending her flying over Harley's head, a dozen feet back. "KERO!-!"

"Translation, 'SHIT!-!'" Cere Cere said, a single digit up in a lecturing pose.

Ves Ves clenched her teeth. "Always taking pleasure on my monsters' suffering, don't you?"

"Not my fault if you create them so weak..."

"The green voices in my head told me about it, " Isley droned, still a bit out of it. "I'm the warrior of water. Water, part of nature, feeding the Green. I'm Sailor Neptune. Also, my stomach... feels funny."

"Yer not the only one, Sis, " Harley muttered.

"You know, if I wasn't an otherwordly circus tamer working for a demon princess, I'd comment on how absurd that intro was," Ves Ves shook her head.

"Are you _sure_ we can't do it?" Cere Cere questioned. "We're villainesses, after all. Aren't we allowed a fair dose of Hypocritical Humor?"

Their amphibian monster hopped back to her feet furiously. "KERO! KERO!"

"Oh, you still are alive!" Ves Ves marveled. "See? I told you! When I make 'em, I make 'em to last!"

"KERO! KERO KERO KERO KERO! BLOOOOOOD!" the monster yelled madly, lunging for Ivy's throat...

"Deep Submerge!"

... she was sent flying back again.

"I told you girls I should have made the monster for this job," Cere Cere sighed.

"Kero can handle it!" Ves Ves clenched her teeth and clutched her whip. "Kero, third time's the charm!"

"KERO KERO! KERO KEROOOOO!" the humanoid frog dashed ahead again for a new frontal attack.

"Deep Submerge!"

Cere Cere facepalmed even as Kero Kero whooshed, hurtled back through the air. "Your stupid monster sucks! It only attacks in a straight line with no defense! We'd have been better sending The Rhino! Or Kuno Tatewaki!"

"Shut up!" her sister snarled. Then she gestured, aiming grandly with a hand towards Sailor Neptune. "It's time to employ strategy here, Kero Kero! Use your Poison Tongue on her!"

"Wait, is this _Pokemon_ now?" Harley asked.

Cere Cere shrugged. "Don't ask me, I prefer books to TV..."

Harley pouted at her. "And I thought you were _cool_ …"

...

**No Regrets.**

_This is... pointless._ Since he was a good, polite boy, that was all Erebus thought while waiting with his back turned on Takane, arms crossed over his chest. Next to him, Negi also waited in silence, going through his notes for the day.

Takane peeked over the rocks just enough to avoid being seen, with the skill years of training for magical infiltration (and the occasional curious peeks into the boys' baths. Hey, she was a Magistra to two female partners she was strongly attached to, but she still felt... curiosity every now and then) had given her. From there, she could glimpse Kaga standing before Itoshiki, with her gaze low and her hands crossed between her chest and chin. The man simply looked bored, his habitual angst replaced by outright apathy.

"Sensei..." Ai finally said.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever... forgive my meddling into your private matters, but... I'm sorry to ask, but... have you ever, you know, felt the need to... have what Negi-sensei has?"

"Western style suits?" Nozomu asked. "No, actually not. I dislike that style of clothing. Give me a Hakama any day of the week, and for my burial, I'd like—"

"Sorry for interrupting you, but that isn't what I meant!" she all but cried.

"Oh, then you mean... the Thousand Master's staff? Well, I'd have loved to hold such a valued relic, but being his son, he's much more entitled to it."

Ai whimpered. "I-I don't mean that either..."

"Chamo-san?" Itoshiki guessed. "I already have a Familiar of my own, actually. His name is Mesousa-san..."

Ai shook her head sadly.

"Red hair?" the adult scratched his chin with a finger.

"Partners," Ai said, in a very low and ashamed tone.

Nozomu tensed up. "Oh. Oh... that," he rasped uneasily. "Well, no."

"Are... Are you happy with it?"

"I'm not happy with anything, Kaga-san!"

"Then you'd be happy if that changed?" she asked.

"I just said I'm not happy with anything, Kaga-san."

"But would you be less unhappy then?"

"I doubt it."

Takane arched her golden eyebrows while listening in perfect silence.

"If you..." Ai forced herself to go on, "Sorry for asking, but if you ever really had to take a partner, what kind of woman would you take?"

A longing voice briefly rang in his head. _Arika hime-sama._

For some reason, the Negis twitched.

"It'd have to be... someone very special," he mused, quietly, looking aside.

"I see..." she said, her voice almost cracking with pain.

"Why do you ask, Kaga-san?" he questioned.

Takane slammed a hand on her own face. Why were men so freaking clueless?

Again, the Negis twitched and didn't know why.

Ai's fingers trembled, intertwining with each other until they became a true tangle. Her mouth was dry, her eyes were wet, and her heart pounced too hard. Her stomach was tied in a really nasty knot, and her head had started aching, as if hit by jackhammers from the start. She wanted to turn around after a full hour of apologizing, then locking herself in a bathroom to cry and never show her bothersome, no doubt ugly and stupid face in public ever again...

Then she remembered Nodoka-san's words.

Nodoka-san had no regrets.

Elsewhere, Nodoka paused from her latest session of handing Sakurako her ass on a platter. "Why-Why do I feel like someone's misinterpreting something I said with potentially catastrophic results?"

"I tell you, that much time using your Artifact's starting to give you latent long-range empathy," Haruna theorized.

"Come on, that's simply ridiculous," Yue objected. "We've checked!"

Meanwhile, Ai saw Chamo completing the circle right around their feet, the sigil glowing into life beneath them. Takane, who hadn't been looking down enough to notice the ermine, was startled. Negi and Erebus seemed to somehow notice the sudden increase of magic in the air and stiffened, scrambling up to look on in alert, each one on either side of the blonde.

Itoshiki himself, alarmed by the sprung trap, tried to recoil back in abject terror, but the fear of losing him, of losing the chance, made Ai act fast for once. She grabbed him by the shirt with shaking but forceful hands, impulsing herself up on the tips of her toes, and whispered a somber, yet somehow husky "I'm sorry."

And then she clamped her mouth against his.

The jaws of both Negis and Takane plummeted.

Seconds after, Itoshiki's girlish shriek of panic raced through the whole resort.

...

**Black and Blue and Green all Over.**

Harley watched with wide eyed amazement how Kero Kero used her extra long tongue to bat Ivy aside like a ragdoll. "Dude! Third wildest thing I've seen in my whole life!"

Arms crossed haughtily, Cere Cere hummed at her. "Doesn't it bother you that we're, you know, pummeling your friend around to an inch of her life?"

"Well, yeah, but... That's life, ya know?"

"We'll kill you right afterwards, " Ves Ves informed.

A gulp. "... Go, go, Red!"

Now the monster had finally used her agility and speed to close in, she had Isley in the defensive with mad whacks of her webbed limbs and her ultra long, slimy red tongue. It reminded Ivy of a member of Magneto's Brotherhood she had read about... he was called The Toad, or something like that. Although her own newfound powers seemed to make her much stronger and faster as well, she was having serious difficulties now. She couldn't prepare and use her long range attack with her enemy giving her no time at all, and the idiotic Harley was only standing at the sidelines gawking. Then again, perhaps those two bitches would kill her if she tried something.

Ivy tried to use her _old_ powers and concentrated as best as she could, trying to call for the garden's plant life to help, but before she could make a solid contact, Kero Kero kicked her back into the asylum, through a window. "Owie, " Harley cringed. " _That_ always hurts!"

"After them!" Ves Ves' eyes shone as she leaped behind her creation, who had gone in after Isley. Cere Cere followed in with a sigh, and after a moment of stupor, Harley joined the madcap chase.

"Hey, don't forget me until it's the killing me part!"

She looked in carefully, seeing the two Amazons skipping merrily down a hall full with downed staff, apparently following a trail of destruction left by the combatants of their wake. A sane, brilliant criminal would have turned around and escaped while the attention focus was not on her. Harley ran after the others. "Reeeeeed! You still aliveeeeee?"

She stopped right behind the sisters, who in turn had halted before the Maximum Security wing. Its doors had been blasted open, and Kero Kero and Sailor Neptune were fighting down it, trying to strangle each other, bashing their heads against the walls and the cells' doors, ignoring the cheering mad howls of the prisoners inside.

Quinn blinked. "This isn't how a Japan-style cutesy Magical Girl animation fight should go, " she noted, before smiling widely. "This is _so much_ better!"

"You'll hear no complaints from me, " Ves Ves, satisfied, summoned a large bag of popcorn between her hands. "Wanna some?" she offered both Cere and Harley.

"Oh, thank you, sister."

"Don't mind if I help myself, then..." the American greedily reached over.

"Stupid mindless thing! Just die already! Die!" Ivy had lost her usual calm and collected aloofness, resorting to brutally bash Kero Kero against a door so hard it quaked wildly.

"Kero Kero! No, you die-kero!" the humanoid thing yelled, wrapping her tongue around Pamela's neck.

"It's like Fellini directing Fight Club following an Ionesco script!" Harley sobbed. "Ahhh, so beautiful...!"

Finally, the door fell down, and out charged a gigantic, bald and shirtless behemoth in gray pants, waving his muscled arms around, his fists looking for anyone on his way. "Free! Amygdala is free! Amygdala kill you all! Amygdala want medicine!-!"

"Oh, just shut up, Amygdala!" with renewed, insane strenght, Ivy grabbed the hulking man dwarfing her and began using his body to hit Kero Kero against the corridor's end.

"OW! Amygdala was hit in softer parts!-!"

"Kero Kero! Yow! Watch those big hands, Kero!"

"Harley!" Ivy shouted. "Give me a hand here!"

"Oh, sure!" her friend said, "Just let me grab Egghead and I'll be right over there with ya! Or ya prefer me to hit her with Mr. Freeze?"

"Just say 'Uranus Power Make Up'!" Ivy snarled, just as Kero Kero took the huge man back and began using him to beat Ivy with in turn. "Argh!"

"AMYGDALA NEVER HIT ON GIRLS LIKE THIS BEFORE!"

"Don't I get to dispense death by gratuitous cameo? Aw," Harley deflated.

"You should listen to her, you know," suggested Cere Cere.

The blonde humphed. "Aren't you, I dunno, my enemy? The same one who threatened to kill me moments before?"

"That one was Ves Ves, but yes, I'm your enemy."

"And you still would be willing to stupidly give me a chance to gain a super powerful transformation of my own?"

"Actually, that's why we came here. We can't test you if you aren't reborn as Sailor Senshi, " Cere Cere replied.

"... You're a truly messed up in the head kinda girl, haven't they told ya that yet?"

"Pot, kettle..." Ves Ves muttered.

"HARLEY!" Ivy was screaming.

"Um, so 'Uranus Magical Powerup', righto?" Haley assumed a clumsy ready pose.

"Uranus Power Make Up!" both circus performers shouted.

"Maybe you two should be the Magical Girls, " the Ventriloquist opined from his cell.

"You stay outta this, Arnie!" Harley warned, then cleared her throat and peppily said, "Uranus Power! Make Up! Also, by the Power of Greyskull!"

Then a huge flash of white light erupted around her.

...

**The Power of Negative Kissing.**

It wasn't really surprising the first one to pop out of the transport circle was Haruna. "What happened? What happened?-!" she asked eagerly, antennae twitching, sketchbook in hand. "It's something juicy, isn't it?-!"

"I thought we were rushing here because we thought something dangerous might have happened!" Yue protested, almost stumbling right behind her.

"I'm sure nothing bad has happened," Sakurako was saying. "Despair-sensei acts like that all the time..."

"Negi-sensei!" Nodoka ran to her teacher's side, unerringly. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I'm perfectly okay, Nodoka-san. Thanks..."

Then the circle burst with energy again, and Chisame tumbled in as well, Hakase and Matoi following her closely, ignoring the aching spots all over them. "Sensei!" the young hacker ran to her teacher's side. "Tell me this madman hasn't dragged you into a suicide with h—!" Then she stopped herself, seeing the blinking Negi was, indeed, physically fine. "Um, I mean, Hakase was worried, but I told her there was no reason to..."

"You screamed all the way here, Chisame-sama,"Tsunetsuki deadpanned. She sighed dreamily. " _Ah!_ You have such a beautiful screaming voice…"

"I seem to remember I was the one telling you it was illogical to believe Sensei was injured when we only heard Itoshiki-sensei's yell..." Satomi pointed out.

"VILE LIES!" Chisame roared at them. Haruna made a sly chuckle. "AND WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, ANYWAY?"

"Nothing..."

"A... madman..." Itoshiki twitched from where he was on his hands and knees on the ground.

"Painful truths are painful," Takane snorted, a few steps away from him.

"Negi-kun!" Misa jumped in next, an annoyed Kuro scratching her head while dragging her feet after her.

"Negi-kun, tell me you're alright!" Misora was the next to appear in, nursing an aching arm even as Konoka rushed after her insisting on letting her heal her already. Cocone followed at a rather fast pace as well, with a sighing Setsuna closing the formation.

"I tell you, I'm as safe and sound as I can be, thank you..." the younger boy tried to impose peace.

"Liar!" Misora cried. "You have bruises and cuts all over you!"

He laughed it off, although his ribs ached a bit as he did so. "This is only from my sparring with Erebus-san! It's perfectly normal!"

"No, it isn't!" Chisame slammed a hand on her own face. "Dear God, I'm this close to calling Social Services!"

"It was my scream, and yet... everyone only worries about him..." Itoshiki sulked even more.

"Everyone knows you can't die anyway," Matoi told him callously, before giving the nearby, pale, trembling Ai a look. "Hey, Ai-chan. What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry... I'm s-so sorry..." she repeated time and time again.

Misora groaned, exasperated. "What are you so sorry about now? The ice caps melting? Famines at Africa? The extinction of the dodos? Or something else you also dream is your fault?"

For all answer, Ai shyly held up a shiny, brand new Pactio card in her right hand, while biting her lower lip.

Haruna's eyes shone. "No way...! I mean, WAY TO GO, girlie...!"

Nodoka paled. "Kaga-sempai, you didn't!"

"Obviously, she did," Yue said.

Matoi cringed. "With... him? Ewwwww..."

"Oh, it's only that?" Misa snorted. "As long as it wasn't with Negi..."

"I have to admit it, even doing it with the kid would've been better," Kuro opined.

Misora frowned, opened her mouth, and closed it back before saying anything, looking strangely bothered. Cocone gave her a brief puzzled look.

"Right the day after you talked with her, Nodoka!" Paru patted Miyazaki on a shoulder. "You're really better at giving advice than I'd credited you! Now if you only started taking your own advice..."

"I-I-I didn't tell her to kiss _him_!" Nodoka protested, before her eyes fell down on... "Chamo-san..."

The ermine looked innocent. "What did I do, Honya-chan?"

Then he noticed he still had a piece of chalk in a paw, and pushed it back into his fur. "Never mind this. I only was writing reminders for my appointments this weekend."

.

...

**Heroic (?) Sociopathy 101:**

It felt even better than drinking a big chocolate milkshake while shooting some guy in the head.

And Harley really liked drinking chocolate milkshakes while shooting guys in the head.

"Ah…!" she said as the world around her grew brighter than the sun, and she felt a sudden chill breeze all over her body, tickling her while her prison clothes vanished and a new suit formed itself on her. And she felt like new life pumped into her hard. And if that sentence reminds you of something else, you're probably right.

Then she stood here in the middle of the hall in an outfit similar to Ivy's, but with a blue mini skirt and short blue boots. She looked down at herself in awe, smiled widely... and then drooped. "I look like a moron."

A wolf whistle came from one of the nearby cells. "Wooot! Now that's some real hot stuff!"

She groaned and poked a finger through the door's surveillance slit and into the spying eye. "Shaddap, Firefly!"

"Shake your groove-thing, girl!"

"Stuff it, Shadow Crystal Mage!"

Ves Ves clapped a few times. "Bravo, Bravo, Bravissimo! We got a double pack, after all! Our Princess's going to be really pleased! Still, Sailor Senshi or not, you won't be worth anything if you can't fight. Kero Kero! Finish this second airhead, too!"

Kero Kero blinked, briefly stopping her current strangling of Neptune Ivy. Amygadala lay in a sweaty, battered heap at their feet. "... Kero? I was never told I'd fight two of them."

"Just do it!" her master snapped.

Sighing, the monster tossed Ivy aside into a wall and hopped for Harley. Grinning, the blonde just projected her hands ahead and copied Ivy's earlier action. "DEEP SUBMERGE!"

Nothing happened, other than her being slapped across the room.

The inmates all laughed thunderously in their cells.

"Fifteen gucks on da froggy gage!" Scarface shouted.

"Kill each other already!" Zsasz said.

"Gladiatrixes, die for your sovereign! Zeus, the Almighty Lord of Olympus, commands it so!" Maxie Zeus ordered.

"FOOOOOOD! I WANT FOOOOOD!-!-!" Killer Moth howled.

"Incest is best!" Kageyama Yamiko cried.

Harley got back to her feet, coughing. "Okay. Alrighty then. Maybe I need to follow the proper procedure for the awesome fancy magical powers to work? What do the chicks in the crappy Jap cartoons do when they first do this? Ah yes, the intro!" She rasped and posed. "Hey you, vile and hellish slimy creature! How dare you to interrupt the peace of this quiet and innocent resting place for us maniacs and murderers? I'll never forgive you! Anta Baka, Urusai Urusai Urusai Tenchi Muyo! Sailor Uranus will punish you... in the name of Uranus!"

Ves Ves, Cere Cere, Ivy and Kero Kero all cringed.

"... What?" Harley said. "Didja want me to say it all in Japanese, ya Weeaboos?"

Kero Kero whacked her around again, using her monstrous tongue.

"Oi!"

"Harley!" Ivy moved in to help, only to be kicked back in the stomach by the frog monster.

"Hey, get yer slimy webbed feet offa Red, Kermit!" Harley rose once more. "Deep Submerge!" she repeated stubbornly. Again, nothing.

"You know, it won't work if you do it..." Cere Cere scratched herself in the chin.

"Then what do I do?" Quinn asked innocently.

"Hello! Enemies here, remember?-!" Ves Ves yelled.

"Ah. Yes. Well, then, like Puddin' says, when you only have a hammer..."

She reached for one of the bars on the reinforced door of Killer Croc's cell and, with her new augmented strength, yanked it off in a single pull. She giggled insanely, holding it like a crowbar...

... and jumped on Kero Kero. "DEATH IN THE FAMILY!"

"Oh, come on!" Ves Ves snorted. "Like that ever would—!"

A moment later, an eyeball flew towards her, landing on her forehead.

There was a strangled scream. "KERO!"

Cere Cere grimaced. "... Oh. I don't quite believe _this_ is the way a Magical Girl should dispatch her enemies..."

_In a distant, genderbent, but definitely not decadent universe, Magical Girl Joker sneezed. "Hey everyone!" she waved. "It's me again!"_

_Riddler looked at Freeze. "Who's she talking to?"_

"M-My baby!" Ves Ves whimpered.

Even more blood jumped in all directions as Harley laughed hysterically, and the bone crunching sounds of blows echoed through Arkham, along with despairing croakings that grew weaker with each moment.

"Oh dear, the blood! All the blood!" the Ventriloquist averted his eyes.

" _Oh dear, the blood, all the blood!"_ the choir of Mr. Nice, Mastermind and the Professor sang along.

Even Ivy was a bit miffed. "Harl..."

"LATER, RED! LATER!"

Cere Cere took notes impassively. "Confirmed; Sailor Uranus **is** stronger than Sailor Neptune… definitely nuttier… what will she do for a Klondike bar?"

"I never got to tell her I loved her..." Ves Ves mused.

_Due to the intense graphic nature of this scene, we now cut to Fumika and Fuuka happily playing in a field of flowers. And then having intense graphic sex. Yes, the scene is_ **_so_ ** _bad, this is a less risky alternative._

Once it was done, Sailor Uranus stood hissing and panting, with a thoroughly creepy Slasher Smile on, over a collage of red and green.

Ivy approached with some mild caution. "Harley...?"

Slowly, very slowly, Harley turned her head towards Neptune, her right eye somehow glinting while the other one remained obscured. The rest of the inmates soiled their pants. _"Yeeeeeessssss?"_

Ivy pointed at the performers. "Let's get them."

Ves Ves laughed promptly. "Well, we'd love to, but our job here's done! You two reacted, hmm, exactly as planned! But make no mistake, we'll meet again! HAH!"

She cracked her whip against the floor, and just like that, she and Cere Cere vanished in thin air.

Isley sighed. "Some people always have to ruin the moment..."

Harley looked at the blood stained bar in her hands. "I did this?"

"Don't play the innocent now. You know you did," Isley snorted.

"Hey, keep it low. I've a reputation to keep with my fans, you know. I'm supposed to be a misunderstood, sympathetic poor victim of my misguided romance..."

"You date the Joker. You forfeited any sympathy any human being should have for you long ago."

"Weeeeeelllllll, excuse me. Mother Theresa...!"

...

**Water Way to Go!**

Negi hummed quietly while examining Ai's Pactio card. Around him, the girls grouped together, also looking down at it and trying to make the details out over each other's shoulders.

"What a disappointment! It looks just like ours," Misa whined.

"Why is that disappointing?" Hakase asked her.

"Our cards should look much cooler!" the long haired cheerleader argued. "Our cards are born out of love, while this one comes from despair!"

"Love?" Chisame scowled bitterly. "What do you think this is, some kind of point-based eroge?"

The Negis blinked. "What's a–"

" ** _DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!_** " the girls chorused.

This card showed Ai's image in an awkward standing position, dressed in a bright yellow raincoat and thick boots, holding an open yellow umbrella over her head.

_Caga Ai._

_Me non paenitet._

_"I have no regrets,"_ Negi mused, reading from its title.

Nodoka looked on the very verge of facepalming just for this once.

Misa, Misora and Chisame leveled glares on Kaga. "I know it's your picture here, but are you really sure this is _your_ card?" Misora asked.

Ai fidgeted again. "That... That is what I forced myself to think while I... I..."

Negi smiled, handing her the card back. "Well... congratulations, Kaga-san," he said, not really being able to think of anything else to add. "And you too, Itoshiki-sensei. I'm sure you'll both make a very competent... pair."

The only adult in the group stood up on shaky legs, keeping his head low, the black hair falling on his face, obscuring it. Then his hands shot themselves higher. His bony fingers grasped for air. The local students recognized the start of the Despair Pose. Any moment now, the scream would come out...

Nozomu opened his mouth widely, jerking his head back. The first words came out, loudly as ever. "I'M IN—"

Haruna flash stepped right behind him and whacked him across the head with a book. " ** _Don't even think it!_** "

Offended, the man turned around, rubbing the new lump on his head with a hand. "Saotome-san! That was a hard hit, in a delicate spot of my cranial structure. What if I had died?-!"

Haruna silenced him with an angry gesture. "You've gotta be the fourth most insensitive man I've ever met!" she hissed, pulling his head down and into a terrified Ai's direction. "And I know Nagi Springfield! That poor girl's more than you deserve, bonehead! She has trusted you to be her Master, her guiding light, her anchor, her mentor and protector! And if you DARE to say something about how that makes you unhappy, I'll do something that'll make those tentacles look tame!"

Itoshiki went ghastly pale, before blinking and actually giving Haruna a dry scowl. "What would you say if I had kissed her instead?"

"I'd call you a dirty old pervert," Haruna admitted with a shrug of shoulders, "But I'd also high-five you! Come on, getting it on with a hot sixteen year old girl? SCORE!"

"I'm in despair. The twisted double standards of this perverted society have left me in despair," the teacher mumbled, before sighing and walking towards the trembling Ai. "Kaga-san. Please hand your card over."

"I-I-I-I'm so sorry over my shameful, slutty ways..." the girl whimpered and obeyed.

"Girl doesn't know the meaning of the word," Kuro scoffed. "She _wishes_ she were slutty…"

"Kuro, _not_ the time," Yue said.

"You aren't going to undo the contract, are you, Sensei?" Konoka wondered.

Paying her no attention, which of course annoyed Setsuna a lot, Itoshiki held the card thoughtfully for a moment, then produced a duplicate of it. Chamo, Haruna and Sakurako made loud squeeing sounds. Ai blushed deeply as her teacher stuck one card into the folds of his hakama and handed her the other one.

"Kaga-san," he said. "I'm trusting you with this responsibility, expecting you will honor the duties of a Ministra Magi. I know I'm a pitiful man who can do nothing right, but please bear with my uselessness for the time being," he begged.

"Oh, s-sorry for contradicting your wisdom, but no!" she gulped. "* _I_ * am the one who is a pitiful woman who can do nothing right, but please bear with my uselessness for the time being!" she begged and bowed.

He bowed back. "No, I'm the bothersome, annoying and troublesome one here! Truly, you deserve someone far better than me as your Magister Magi!"

"No, please don't say that! I apologize over forcing you into this! I'm who is the load, the stupid and tiresome one in this relationship!"

"I'm sorry for being a complaining, unmanly excuse for a man!"

"I'm sorry for being a weak, frail woman so unlike Negi-sensei's powerful Ministra!"

"No, I'm sorry for being an awful, terrible professor for all of you!"

"No, I'm sorry for being a mediocre, pitiful crying student and un-sexy Ministra!"

"I think I'm gonna puke..." Misa grabbed her stomach while watching them bow to each other again and again.

"Stain my shoes with it and you die," Kuro promised stoically.

Haruna sniffled a tear. "MADE FOR EACH OTHER...! My hat's off to you, Chamo-san!"

Nodoka made a vague sound of disagreement.

"By the way, Haruna," Yue said.

"Yes?" Deathnote asked.

"I know Nagi's number one, but who _are_ the other two most insensitive men you've met?"

"Have I ever told you all about what I did to amass enough money for the Paru-sama?"

"Thankfully, no."

"Well, I met the second one back then."

"Ah. And the other one?"

"Obviously, you've never spied on a date between Kotaro-kun and Natsumi-chan..."

"No, I usually have other things to do, like make sure there aren't any Invaders or Witches on campus…" Yue said blandly.

"Well, now that's out of the way, Sempai," Haruna told Ai, "Let's see that Artifact of yours in action!"

"Y-Yes, of course!" Ai nodded nervously. "B-But, forgive me for asking such a dumb question, how do I do it?"

"You hold the Card up and say _Adeat_. That's enough to activate the Pactio," said Misora.

Chisame turned to the four males present. "Turn around," she grumbled. Itoshiki and Negi obeyed quickly, with Despair grabbing Chamo and covering his eyes with both hands.

"THERE'S NO HARM IN SEEING WHEN I'M ONLY A SMALL INNOCENT ANIMAL...!" the ermine kicked around.

Erebus only blinked. "Why do we need to look away?"

"These activations work differently from ours," Yue told him.

"Ah?"

"They show everything," Haruna explained.

"Everything of... what?" Erebus asked again.

"Everything of this," Haruna passed a hand up and down over Ai's body without actually touching it, while Ai whimpered a few apologies about not being buxom and attractive. "Got it?"

Erebus' eyes shot themselves to plate size. "G-Got it!"he gulped, then turned around just as quickly.

Haruna chuckled. "Someday, you'll change, Sensei... Someday..."

"Approximately one hour after heaven and hell get back together," Kuro said.

Haruna rolled her eyes and turned back to Ai. "Well, you can do it now! Let's see what you've got!"

Kuro nodded, smiling and pulling her small cellphone camera out discreetly. Not discreetly enough to avoid Chisame closing it for her angrily, though.

 _"Adeat_ ," Ai whispered, her clothes immediately washing off her body and into nothingness, only to reappear a second later as the ensemble she was wearing in the card. A yellow umbrella materialized itself on her right hand.

"How cute...!" Sakurako squealed, clapping her hands together.

"D-Do you really think so? You don't have to lie for my sake if you don't want to..." Ai posed uneasily. "N-Not like I'm saying you're a liar or anything..."

"But it IS cute!" Shiina argued. "Isn't it cute, Itoshiki-sensei?"

"..." the man said.

"You can turn back now, Sensei. You too, Negi-kun,"Misora grunted.

As they did so, Haruna grinned even more, and she needled the adult, "Well? Isn't SHE cute, Sensei?"

Nozomu shifted around on his feet, uncomfortably. He caught a glimpse of Kaga's concerned expression and forced himself to say, "Indeed. V-Very... cute..."

"AHHHH!-!-!" Sakurako and Haruna cooed, the latter in more of a mocking fashion. Cocone smiled only a little bit.

"Yes, yes, enough of that," Matoi seemed impatient. "Just show us what your Artifact can do, Ai-chan."

Her classmate blinked. "What is my Artifact?"

"It's obvious it's the umbrella!" Tsunetsuki huffed. "Just use it already so we can see what it does!"

"Maybe it shoots, like the Penguin's," Haruna opined. "Check for a flamethrower and Gatling gun options!"

"Maybe she can use it to fly?" Mei guessed.

"Sempai, wave it in that direction and see what happens," Takane instructed, pointing towards a few nearby rocks.

"Y-Yes!" Ai obeyed quickly. Upon doing it, a large stream of water suddenly came into existence from thin air and hit the rocks, sending them flying in all directions. "Oh dear! Did-Did I really do that? Sorry! They didn't hit anyone, did they?"

"No," Chisame said.

"No, don't worry," Negi and Negi eased her.

"Sadly, I was untouched," Itoshiki informed.

"Ojou-sama and me are okay," Setsuna added.

"So are we," Takane said, still holding Mei close.

Misora only nodded, doing the same to a placid looking Cocone.

"I guess we were lucky!" Sakurako giggled, standing between a nodding Hakase and the librarians.

"Talk... for yourself..." Chamo gurgled from the ground, crushed under a large slab of rock.

"You all realize I put up a shield, right?" Kuro said, lowering her hand and deactivating _Rho Aias._

While Konoka healed him back, Yue rubbed her small chin. "Kaga-san, do it again, but now with your umbrella open."

"As-As you wish!" the shy student obeyed, now making a large shield of water spinning in the air appear around herself. As soon as she closed the umbrella back, the liquid fell harmlessly all over the ground.

Yue examined her book, now updated with information of this world after Sakurako had used her Artifact on it the day before. " _Pluvialis Umbra_ ," she read. "The 'Umbrella of Rain', redundant as it may sound. It can be used to create large masses of hard water out of the air's humidity. If the umbrella is closed, it will shoot the water in form of projectiles, but if it's open, it will create barriers out of it instead."

"Not bad, I guess," Haruna scratched her head.

"I'm sure it'll be a blast in pool parties," Misora commented ironically.

...

**Uranus and Neptune, Reborn!**

Harley chuckled, standing over the... let's call them leftovers of her handwork. She jarred her hands on her hips and called out, "Hey, Red! I'd say this victim here..."

She made a motion of putting some imaginary sunglasses on, and said, "... has croaked."

Several inmates shouted at the same time, **_"YEEEEEEEEAAHHHHHHH!-!-!"_**

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Lovely, Harl. But leave your pop culture humdrum for later, okay? We need to leave before the cops hit this place."

"Ya got it, Red!" she skipped after her. "Oooohhh, with these new spiffy powers, we're going to RULE over this city! Think of all the robbed banks! The purloined purses! The burned libraries, with all their _Twilight_ copies going up in glorious flames! Hey, what if we steal forty cakes and that's terrible?"

"We're going to Japan," Ivy said.

Harley blinked a lot of times. "Japan? But Reeeeeeeed! I flunked Japanese, and they eat a lot of fish there (Ew!), and it's raw fish, even! They're all too short and wear those creepy funny masks looking at you as if you're going to spread some virus between them! Their comics don't have enough Funny Animals, and I heard they grope you in the subway, too!"

"The Green spoke to me. Its voices gave me a mission," Isley said, very seriously. "We will go to where Gaia itself lays prisoner, and free her to enact her revenge on those who have wronged her."

"Right. Right, Red, but if you only waited for those drugs to wear off—"

"I'm not drugged anymore, Harley!"

"Suuuuure you ain't! All I'm sayin' is, take a shower, think it over, try hitting some museums or jewelry stores first, then—"

Then Harley stopped abruptly. "Japan's where Puddin's trademarks smilin' dead fellows were last seen, right-a-roonie?"

"I don't know, and I don't care," Ivy snorted.

Harley tossed her arms up. "Japan! Japan or bust! It's never too late to interact with a new culture! Think of the romantic landscapes! The karaoke bars! The Bokke and Tsukiomi routines! The low number of armed populace! Like shootin' freakin' fish in a barrel!" she jumped up and down giddily.

"I'm not doing this for you, much less your boyfriend," Poison Ivy growled.

"You got a real heart of gold, Red...!" Harley hugged her.

Ivy pushed her aside. "Later. Right now, I'd like to recruit a helping claw."

"Claw?"

Ignoring her, Ivy stopped before Croc's door. She knocked on it. "Waylon?"

A low, beastlike voice murmured from the inside.

"Waylon, remember me?"

There were loud sounds of sniffing the air. "Yeah..." a deep voice said. "Always the same nice smell, wet mud, swamp plants, just like home. Ivy..."

Harley pouted. "Oh, don't tell me..."

Ivy put a finger in the state of the art locks. "He's also a son of the Green, Harleen. A misunderstood creature of the wild, trapped in the concrete jungle. This is his war, too."

She shot an impossibly huge burst of hard water from the finger, and chunks of the locks flew around in all directions, shattered. Then she pulled the door open, and a pair of yellow slitted eyes looked at her from the darkness inside.

Meanwhile, Harley looked at her own right pointer finger, put it in a random door's lock, and pumped it inside. Again, nothing happened. "Huh. Sorry, ahh..." she read the label on the door, "... Clayface. Maybe next time! How the hell did you do that, Red? That's not canon!"

"Curses!" a wet, thick male voice yelled.

Ivy was already straddling Croc's massive back like a capricious queen, pointing at another, less secured door. "Crack that one open for me, will you, Waylon? There's an item I want to retrieve there."

"Yeah, yeah… " the huge reptilian man said, grabbing the door and ripping it off its hinges. Inside, a frail old man cowered in a corner, but the wooden puppet in his right hand moved around defiantly.

"Please don't kill me, no, no, no..."

"What kinda lame escape plan is dis, Ivy?" Scarface roared, acting as if in true command of the whole situation. "An' what's wit' da funny getup? I garely can recognize ya! Dere's getter ge a good reason gehind dis! We goin' out wit' chopper, or what?"

"I'll only need this, thanks," Ivy reached over and yanked the puppet off the gasping Ventriloquist's hand. She held it over the old man's frantic reach, musing with a dark sultry smile. "Holy wood, if you can excuse the pun. The last vestige of a dead Life Tree. I can definitely use it..."

The tossed up voice still barked through the motionless puppet. "Lemme go, ya crazy groad! It's me who calls da shots here, capice? Or, well, at least a fifty-fifty partnership! It's me who has da gest connections in dis town!"

"Red, we takin' 'Face with us?" Harley asked. "If we do, can we take Mr. Wesker too? After all, he's the only thing keeping his bad side in check."

"Harley, without him around, there's **no** bad side! This thing's only a wooden doll!" she shook the puppet around.

"Dis after ya call my wood 'holy'?" Scarface asked.

"Please, Red...!" Harley made with the puppy eyes. Makie would have taken extensive notes. "Arnie's always fun to have around! Plus, he makes a good human shield, and can carry the luggage around!"

At the mention of that penultimate word, Croc shuddered uncomfortably.

"No," Ivy said.

"Pretty please...?" Harley turned the Bambi factor up to twelve.

"Please, please...?" Arnold Wesker joined in, rather pitifully.

Ivy sighed. "I'll regret this."

"Someone gring me a garf gag," Scarface requested.

Out in the nearby hills, Cere Cere and Ves Ves reappeared next to Palla Palla and a fourth, taller sister with green hair and wearing baggy pants in addition to her own skimpy top. "All according to plan?" Jun Jun asked.

_Somewhere, a girl with her hair dyed blonde sneezed._

The redhead nodded and gave a thumbs up. "Piece of cake! They're on their way! But how can we know they'll go where the Princess wants them to?"

"This is a Negimafanfic, where else would they go?" Cere Cere muttered to herself..

Jun Jun shrugged. "That part's not for us to worry. You didn't use lethal force, did you? The Princess will skin us alive if you killed anyone in there."

"Everyone will be okay," Cere Cere promised. "I ran a guard through with my pool cue, but you know it only hurts the soul briefly. And the lemurs will dissolve in a hour or so. Enough time for our charges to escape."

Palla Palla pouted. "I wanted to do the kinda-sorta-hurt people part..."

"Next time, next time!" Ves Ves promised before pulling out a cellular phone. "Hi? Your Majesty? It's done! The birds are on the fly now!"

On the other side of the world, sitting alone on top of a tall brick wall, a dark skinned figure sat feeding some birds. She nodded, keeping her cellphone caught between her left ear and shoulder. She listened to each word carefully, never saying anything.

Until she spoke at last, her voice soft and almost inaudible, but still clear and unmistakable. "Thank you very much, Amazon Quartet-poyo."

...

**Interlude: Urd**

She was used to that kind of work, actually. Well, not exactly. But more or less. The basic principle was the same, wasn't it? They called, she went in and did her job, there, all finished. True, back in the old days, the assignments were never that menial and humbling, but what the hell. It wasn't like she could get back now even if she wanted to. Better to get used to this new life and get over the past.

Heh, funny. She once **was** the Past.

Stupid Lingshen. Stupid Asahina. Stupid Carter. Stupid Ikari. Stupid Homura. Stupid Kyon kid.

Stupid Father.

The tall, buxom, dark skinned woman walked into the apartment building a couple blocks away from Mahora Academy's grounds. Humming a soft melody she remembered being titled "Open your Mind", she took the elevator to the story she had written in her reminder sheet. Once there, she made her way to Apartment 207. As she rang on the door, she saw a short, black haired boy running out of the apartment next door, waving for the still young, smiling woman with black hair who had just kissed him goodbye on his forehead.

"Goodbye, Mom!" he said.

"Spend a nice afternoon with Hitomi-chan, Makoto-kun!", said the woman, happily, before closing the door back, but not without giving Urd's body a quick appreciative look first.

Urd smiled to herself. Ah, Umeko-chan. She wondered if the woman still remembered that wish she once made when she was little, to get the boy she liked back then...

Most likely not. For the best, the tanned woman told herself.

She rang again, now frowning. No way. Had she made her way there all for nothing?

"Hey!" she banged a fist on the door's frame now. "Anyone there?-! That better wasn't a prank call, pals!"

Then a loud crashing sound came from the 207th apartment. It sounded like someone falling off bed and stumbling into everything but the kitchen sink on their way down. Urd groaned. Somehow, she was reminded of someone...

"DON'T KILL ME!" someone, a young man's voice, was screaming. "I'LL GIVE YOU THE MONE—" then it stopped abruptly, as if that person was coming back to his senses. "Um, I mean, sorry! I'll be there right now!"

Urd sighed.

A moment later, a plain looking Japanese young man with short, spiky black hair, wearing a simple white shirt and black pants, his feet bare, opened for her, rubbing cobwebs off his eyes. "S-Sorry about that. I fell asleep while... uh, waiting, and—"

Urd took the cigarette out of her mouth and spoke. "Good afternoon, kiddo. You the one who called?"

Then she saw his face going fully white, enough to make The Joker look like Laurence Fishburne.

"I guess not, huh?" the woman asked.

"N-No! I-I-I-I mean, yes!" the man stuttered, swallowing several fast times. "It's here, here, here, here!"

"You sure?" she scowled.

"Of c-course!" he smiled apologetically, leading her inside. "C-Cu... Come in, please. I know it's bit messy, but I just moved in..."

"Who was the last tenant? A collector of rotting pigs?" the beauty huffed, putting a hand over her nose. She took her shoes off and set her black handbag next to the door.

The man noticed it, and he asked, "What's in that bag...?"

"My equipment," Urd said.

"Your... equipment?" he sounded dubious.

"Yeah, that's what I said. Are you deaf, or you fell from the cradle one time too many?"

He laughed dumbly. "Wow... Take-charge. I like that..."

Dear Dad. Not only he was similar looking to Keiichi, but he was even goofier.

"Yeah, I'm sure you do. Now sit down there, boy. We'll start by—"

The boy made sniffling sounds of utter ecstasy, even crying a few virginal tears which spilled all over his red cheeks, while obeying and pouting his mouth up.

Then Urd pulled a strange looking metallic helmet out of her handbag, put it on his head, and attached it to his chin while securing a pair of special goggles into his eyes. "This, the Lex-3000 Virtual Relaxator, is the latest in Lex Corp's line of products for the improvement of your daily life!" she loudly said. "Soothes your nerves down to get you ready for the demands of modern life! Congratulations, you have made an excellent purchase! That'll be three hundred yen, Champ!"

He pulled the goggles off. "What?-!"

"To pay for the thing you ordered," she replied. "What else?"

"I didn't order for this! I called for— for a—"

Then he froze in place, before rushing back into his bedroom, looking around frantically, and coming back with a newspaper. His eyes resembled saucers as he stared at its pages. "... Shit. I dialed the wrong number!"

Urd facepalmed. "You too?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. I shoulda know this would happen. I'm definitely not who I used to be..."

"God is dead..." the boy sobbed helplessly.

"No, only on vacation," the woman took a cynical puff from her cigarette. "What's your name, kid?"

"Ichi... Ichi Satoru... Why?" he blew his nose off in a tissue.

She smiled, holding a hand for him and giving him her fake, human name. "Bizen Sayoko. You know, you really remind me a lot of someone I used to know. Maybe I can do a favor for you. Dad knows I could use something to lower my bad karma quotient..."

He looked up at her green eyes. "Excuse me?"

_Yggdrasil._

_"Oh, hey, look, Skuld!" Peorth chirped. "We finally found Urd again! She's near the Mahora area out of all places!"_

_Busy with another screen, Skuld deadpanned, "Not interested."_

_Peorth made a grimace while watching the ensuing events. "On second thought, yes, it is for the best if you don't look at this..."_

...

**Controversial Plot Twist!**

There were a few good things about being a chronically nightmare plagued light sleeper with compulsive obsessions pulling you around once you started thinking about something. One of them, Nozomu thought as he made his way out of the bathroom, briefly checking both Negis were still sleeping soundly, was you always woke up before everyone else, even those as obsessed about work themselves as the Negi-senseis. And he did need some time away from them. They were too painfully cheerful. It reminded him too much of…

No. No.

The depressed teacher made his way over to Evangeline's chambers after asking one of her servants about its location. The doll posed no objections to telling him, which made him suspect the resort's mistress was waiting for him. That didn't surprise him, either.

With all the aplomb and gravity of a true noble facing the guillotine, he knocked on the royal bedroom's door.

"Come in," one of the Evangelines said from the inside. Itoshiki obeyed, keeping his head low. He found Eva sitting besides the bed, with McDowell lying under the fine and expensive sheets, sipping a cup of tea elegantly. Karakuri stood beside the bed with a look of perfect, absolute impassivity.

"Good morning," the teacher bowed his head. "I apologize for such an early intrusion."

"If I considered it an intrusion, I wouldn't have allowed you here in the first place," Evangeline said icily. "Annoying and unwanted as you are, you barely are any bother for the likes of me."

"Thanks," he replied honestly, before looking at McDowell. "Ma'am? Feeling better today?"

The other vampire nodded, but said nothing. It was obvious she was consciously keeping her mouth closed before it betrayed her.

"Make your questions, and make them fast," Evangeline warned.

"As you wish," the teacher agreed. "Evangeline-san, yesterday and the day before, I couldn't help noticing a few strange events concerning Negi-sensei, the one we are familiar with. First, when assigning his training over to us, you said that was because Takane-kun and me had an affinity for the shadow element, and he had a natural leaning for it as well."

"That is correct," Eva nodded blandly.

"However," the man continued, "Never before had I sensed any signs of dark powers in Negi-sensei. Not even when he was fighting you at the bridge. And from Springfield-sensei's stories, he had no dark powers of his own until he took what I assumed had to be Magia Erebea training under who I assume had to be Jack Rakan of all people. Furthermore, in all the time I spent with Nagi-san—"

"Never say that name again in my house!" Eva warned. McDowell held herself from risking opening her mouth to say the same thing, but she still nodded in full agreement.

"—in all that time, I never beheld him using such kind of magical elements, either. And I know for sure Negi-sensei's mother was that kind of person as well. So, please tell me, why did you say that, and why could I feel definite traces of dark power running through him while training?"

McDowell frowned, intrigued, and Karakuri's face flashed a brief expression of concern, just as the true mistress of the resort only chuckled, crossing her arms and saying, "Well, well. I figured even a cretin like you would put two and two together after a while..."

"Would you tell me, please?" Itoshiki asked.

"What is it to you?" Evangeline snarled. "You care about nothing but your own destruction, do you?"

"That isn't true!" he protested. "I care about my students, insane and troubling as they are, and I also care about Negi-sensei! Otherwise, they wouldn't drive me to despair! If I didn't care about people, I would live happily!"

"Just like I do!" Evangeline laughed, triumphant. "Oh, foolish Boya. You're so helplessly pathetic; listening to you is like watching a mutilated baby crawling across a floor full with razors."

Chachazero popped up from under the bed's feet. "Oh, I love that metaphor!"

"I'll tell you what," Evangeline offered. "A helpful dump of information just deserves another one in turn. And although you know nothing that could ever interest me or I don't know already... I'm feeling magnanimous, so I'll tell you about Boya's condition in trade for everything you may know about his mother."

After a few long drawn moments of hesitation, the man nodded. "So be it. She had nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed for. There is nothing about her I could tell that would tarnish her true reputation to any degree."

_Elsewhere in another, highly Decadent world, a rather different Arika sneezed loudly..._

Evangeline relaxed back on her chair, sporting an aloof smile. "Despair," she began. "You know I bit the Boya during our encounter at the Bridge, before you showed up, do you?"

"Indeed," Itoshiki answered.

McDowell had to speak then, stunned enough to risk breaking into singing again. "You did?-!"

"Oh, it was only a sip, even if a really good one. Kasuga showed up and snatched him away at super speed before I could finish him off," Evangeline shot the other vampire a curious look. "Didn't you?"

Karakuri answered for her. "The Master didn't get to sink her fangs into him then."

McDowell mumbled angrily. "Hardly my fault! I was simply unlucky enough to have Kagurazaka involved, unlike this one."

"Excuses, excuses!" Evangeline chuckled. "Regardless, I got a long, juicy taste of his blood," she licked her lips, all to make the other Eva jealous. McDowell only snorted it off.

"Big deal. My Boya— _Pale Moo—, ahem, I mean, my Boya gives me his blood willingly whenever I ask him to."_

"Not very big doses, though, am I right?" the local Mistress of Darkness teased. "I drank a lot that night. I left him rather weakened for the rest of the battle, so much he needed help from Despair and his Pactio partners. I tainted his blood with my kiss, poluting it with my own brand of darkness."

"However, Kasuga-san and Fatima Rosa-san healed him right afterwards," Nozomu reminded her.

And Eva chuckled. "Despair, you of all people would place faith upon the work of two children? You should have finished the job just like you did with your own students."

Itoshiki's eyes widened. McDowell made an interested sound. Karakuri hadn't exactly stiffened up in place, but she gave the impression she had.

"The children only placed a mild curative on the contamination of his blood," Evangeline explained. "Certainly enough to prevent him from becoming a full vampire unless I decide to turn him all the way from there, but not quite enough to leave him a normal human either."

"Excuse me," Karakuri dared to speak, somewhat rattled. "I am under the impression you mean, had you continued drinking Sensei's blood, he would have become your vampire offspring?"

"Exactly," Evangeline nodded lazily. "Isn't that obvious?"

"But total exsanguinations or active magical infusion is needed for that to take place for one such as you. The bite alone can grant temporary vampiric traits, but..." Karakuri couldn't finish the setence, unsure on how to for once.

Eva gave her a strange look before realizing something and laughing it off. "Oh! Oh, I see. That's the way it works in your world, isn't it? No wonder vampires are so scarce there; that method is too troublesome for a quick multiplication of the adepts. Here in this world, the contagion is much easier and faster to spread. That's why we have whole sub-societies of vampires. Underground clans hailing from centuries ago. The problem became so bad for humans, they had to create vampire killing associations like the Hellsing Order and the Iscariot Vatican Guild. Not to mention independent loose cannons like Blade the Daywalker."

"Just like home," McDowell sneered. "Chachamaru means me specifically. Other strains of vampire multiply so fast they're like mosquitoes. Or Cockroaches. Many kinds tend to be highly self-destructive during the early phases of their transformation, though, resulting in whole populations being turned and wiped out by infighting in a single night. And while we don't have many groups dedicated exclusively to killing bloodlings, there are enough that active organization of the older survivors is needed to keep from being wiped out. Still, I gather most tend to be canon fodder, level 1 power grinding material for hunters."

"Most of them are, yes," Evangeline shrugged. "Only a few of us reach a perfected state where they are a match for a trained hunter. Many local lords are satisfied with only recruiting adepts, but those armies are cannon fodder even for that insane little girl in red making the rounds around Japan lately. Little better than attack beasts."

"Is Negi-sensei's fate... to eventually become such a beast?" Nozomu gasped.

"No," Evangeline said. "The children didn't cleanse all the infection from his blood, true, but they placed the contagion under check with their spells. He'll probably need to keep them around for the rest of his life so their auras continue keeping him mostly human, but he isn't going to feel the blood lust, at least. He won't become an immortal either unless I decide otherwise and initiate him, although he'll probably get a minor boost of his stats as the changes in him take hold. He should age normally, but probably, his most base instincts will wake up before expected."

"How soon?" Itoshiki asked.

Eva shrugged anew. "Let's just say, were I Hasegawa, perish the thought, I'd be buying myself a chastity belt in around two years."

McDowell pouted. "Lucky you."

"Not funny, Evangeline-san," the teacher said.

"Says you," the tiny blonde challenged. "In all fairness, he shouldn't become an out of control maniac, but he'll start coping with such urges relatively soon. It's also likely he'll become angrier and more prone to berserker behavior in fights, so I suggest you to work on his control over his dark side and his most negative emotions." She smiled. "Or not, and just hand him over to me."

Itoshiki actually began to take notes on a random piece of paper. "Understood."

"As you can see," Evangeline told McDowell, "It is quite a different proccess from Magia Erebea, although they have some similarities. Undergoing this state also might make easier and faster for Boya to adapt to Magia Erebea mastering than it was for your Boya, but it also would make him easier to lose himself into it. So, it's a true double edged sword."

"Isn't there a solution or cure?" Karakuri asked.

Evangeline shook her head. "No. When I realized what I had done to him, it was too late to undo it. For now, he is halfway into what we use to call a 'ghoul', an incomplete vampire. The clans in England often use ghouls, poor souls bitten and left without a proper transformation or any sort of cure, as their foot soldiers. When used that way, they become mindless savages, not very intelligent, but making up in numbers for their lack of strategy. Now, like I said, Boya's state won't be quite that grave. The light magic the children used in him has mixed inside of him with my influence, locking themselves in a standstill of sorts. Some authors I've read on the subject say you can keep such a state fully under control with a continued, strong influx of positive emotions, much like the lycanthropes who can find peace under 'True Love', but of course, those notions are laughable."

"Maybe not so much," Karakuri differed. "Finding emotional support from us also helped Negi-sensei to exert control over his Magia Erebea."

Evangeline waved a hand. "If you say so. Satisfied with your explanation now, Despair?"

"Are you sure you cannot do anything to change him back, Evangeline-san?" the man insisted.

"No, but through a Tantric sex ritual, I could channel his energies, both the light and dark ones, to change him into an Incubus," Eva commented casually. "Does that sound any better to you?"

"... No, not really!" he and Karakuri said at once.

McDowell glared harder at her alternate. "You lucky bitch!"

...

**Fanservice!**

Now, at this point you, noble reader, not only are most likely experiencing a strong feeling of _deja vu_ , but also probably expecting some new lengthy narration of the intense fights and harsh training sessions seen through the third day in Evangeline's resort, since we failed to deliver on that in the second day. But since for the most part such activities were once again yet another repeat of those seen in the first day, and we still really want to get to Kyoto soon, we'll jump all the way over them while cackling our crazy heads off. As a matter of fact, even the training montage would be mostly a repetition of the one we had for Day Two, so instead, we'll show you a totally gratuitous shameless fanservice montage of what's happening all across the Unequally verse right now.

_Karakuri winding Chachamaru. You know it's kinky, admit it._

"Ah! Yes! More! More! Firmer! **_Screw me!_** "

_Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Lina Inverse is taking a bath under a waterfall, blasting Gourry with a Fire Ball when he wanders in asking if she ate the last of the fish. She did, by the way._

"FIREBALL!"

_Takane gets stripped again while fighting._

"Gah! I need moisturizer, all these Examatio spells are drying my skin!"

 _Yet somewhere else in Mundus Magicus, Fetish Fuel_ _Catgirl Waitress, as seen in Chapter 215 of the manga, is serving tables_.

"One Nagi meal, coming up!"

 _Negi and Kotaro are kissing passionately. However, as the camera zooms out, we see it's only a page of the Doujinshi Deathnote is drawing while Nodoka pwns Sakurako again_.

"HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT-?"

"S-sorry!"

 _Sister Shakti slowly, carefully, elegantly, strips down piece by piece to take a bath, showing off her glorious, tall, curvaceous, deeply tanned, fit, succulent... 'scuse me, gotta go for paper tissues. For perfectly innocent means, I swear_.

"I'm too sexy for me skirt... too sexy for my skirt…!"

_Completely random Kimura Kaere Panty Shot as the wind lifts her skirt up._

"Ah…!"

 _Negi and Itoshiki are kissing passionately. However, as the camera zooms out, we see it's only a page of the Doujinshi Unequally Haruna is drawing while Yue facepalms and Nodoka nosebleeds_.

"T-tissues!"

_Calculator gets into Chisame's page, does some miniskirted nurse cosplay for her while elsewhere, her counterpart pants her way through a raging storm, with Hakase and Matoi clinging to her. Hey, girls clinging to other girls are fanservicey too._

"Ah! Now Chisame-sama is so sweaty I can see her **_panties…!_** "

 _Konoemon towels his back dry after taking a bath. You can't unsee it! You can't unsee it!_.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt… too sexy for my shirt… so sexy it hurts..!"

Now, with that over and done, we move on to another one of our 5, 872 subplots before going back to our heroes...

...

**Mother**

He wasn't the kind of child you could report as missing to the authorities.

Somewhere in a temple in the hills, mid-way between Mahora and Kyoto, a woman with long black hair sat before a portrait, not bothering to hide her sadness anymore.

"I worry about him," she spoke softly.

"Ever since you died, he never was the same, and I just can't control him. I don't think I could even if he had your necklace on. I'm scared I've lost him as well."

"I'm a horrible mother," she lamented, hiding her face between her hands. "It's just, he grew so fast, and he's so different from a normal boy, and I have no one who can help me with this... not anymore..."

She sniffled, looking at the latest envelope full with money he had sent her, which had arrived that morning. He had just written, with that awfully ugly handwriting of his, _Don't worry, Mum. I'm OK. See ya soon. Love, K.-_

"Kotaro-kun..." she whispered.

Looking out the window, past the old barred well and the huge tree, past the hills and into the horizon line, Inugami Kagome bit her lower lip, tears streaming down her face. Maybe they should have stayed in Tokyo, next to the old well…

Then she curled up ahead, and broke into actual chained sobs.

"Please come back, Kotaro-kun..."

...

**Return of the Son of the Passing Ghost of a Semblance of a Vaguely Normal Life:**

"Three. Damn. Longest. Hours of my life. EVER!" Misa sighed, taking a deep breath of fresh air while stepping out of Evangeline's cabin. "Real world, I love you!"

"But we'll come back right after the trip's over, won't we?" Negi asked eagerly.

Chisame gave Calculator a concerned glare. "That thing will turn him into an addict to it, won't it?"

"Yes. But you're all going to need it."

A snort. "Figures."

"It's getting very late," Itoshiki looked up at the darkening skies. "You all would better return to your homes before the murderous things that stalk in the night start roaming out for innocent blood."

"There aren't _that many_ of those around," Kuro shrugged. "I only found one the other night..."

"Where, exactly?" Itoshiki asked, his interest piqued.

Kuro rolled her eyes. "I'm not telling you so you'll go get yourself killed. I'm pretty sure that violates some kind of heroic bylaw about not assisting suicide unless existence was at stake"

"But nothing of value  
would be lost!" he argued.

Haruna sank an elbow into his stomach. "Baka! You'll leave your poor partner with a dead card?"

Said poor partner was bowing over and over to Nodoka, showering her with apologies and praises in equal parts. "Thank you so very, very much for putting up with my annoying presence, Most Glorious and Benevolent Miyazaki-san! I'm sorry I took part of your precious heroic time away with my banal consultations, but I'm also infinitely grateful your infinite wisdom in the arts of love helped me to have the best day, or three hours, of my whole life! Thank you!"

Nodoka sighed, full of resignation. "You're welcome, Sempai..."

Yue half-smiled. "That infinite wisdom in the arts of lovewould be very helpful indeed, if love was an art instead of a science..."

"Yue! Not you too!" Nodoka moaned.

"You've been spending too long around Haruna, haven't you?" Kagurazaka asked. "Be careful; you start with the playful teasing, and before long, you'll find yourself drawing smut and buying whale airships to take over the world..."

"Whale airships?" Asuna grimaced. "How can you go on, living such freaking weird lives?"

"One merry step at a time!" Haruna summed. "And hey, you're living much weirder lives than we did when we were your age! It took us several months from when we were at this point to meet anyone from another dimension! Following this escalation, you'll be leading much, much more bizarre lives than us when you reach our age!"

Chisame's eyes bulged out. "D-Don't even joke about that, you monster!"

"Who says I'm joking?" Paru scowled.

"For once, she isn't," Yue agreed.

"Pretty much," Kagurazaka confirmed.

"But everything will be a lot of fun!" Konoka intervened.

"Well, _almost_ everything," Nodoka was fidgeting now.

"We're so dead," Misora grunted.

"Pretty much," Misa was in agreement with her for once. "Well, all of us but Saku-chan."

"I think you still can avoid such a destiny if you just tie the kid up and toss him into a river right now," Kuro suggested.

Everyone stared at her.

"Don't tempt us," Chisame deadpanned.

"Yes, Kuro-san, please, don't..." Negi stopped. "What was that supposed to mean, Chisame-san?"

"Relax, Sensei, Chisame-sama is the last person who would ever do that," Matoi smiled and patted him on a shoulder. Chisame only grumbled and looked away. "After all, she has had motive, opportunity and more than enough time. If she hasn't done it yet, she'll never do it now. And even if she tried, I'd convince her to stop before she convinces me to help her dispose of your body..."

"Okay, that was enough of a creepy turn! This conversation stops now!" Chisame clapped furiously.

"Why do I have the hideous nagging feeling she _has_ helped previous crushes to do that kind of things before?" Misa wondered, her face moving uncomfortably.

Sakurako tightened her eyes close. "That's a venue of thought best left untouched, Misa-chan..."

Hakase blinked. "Wow, those intensive vocabulary lessons _are_ helping you noticeably, Sakurako-chan..."

...

Chamo settled himself down before his laptop in his Aniki's room and rubbed his paws greedily. "Time to see that happy money pouring in..."

Albert looked over his shoulder at the screen. "And you say you made a contract for someone who **wasn't** your 'Bro'? Shame on you! You should have used that chance to hook that girl up with Alter Aniki instead! Or heck, at least my own..."

"I'm not going to do your job for you!" the other ermine replied. "And believe me, the Bro is better off without that girl."

Albert glared. "I don't know you. No girl is too good or too crazy for our Negi."

"You don't know any Class 3-F," Chamo shot back. "Even I draw the line there! They're all insane to the membrane! A hindrance both in daily life and the battlefield! Ultra-creepy! Completely disturbing! Some even read _Twilight!_ "

Then he felt an icy glare on him, and he gulped, Matoi's shadow looming over him while Chisame took the chance to grab her newest costume and lock herself up with her computers.

_Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!_

"I mean, excluding present company, Matoi-nee..." the ermine apologized.

Albert frowned as the results of the transaction finally showed on-screen. "I still think being crazy only makes girls hotter— Hey, I think you were gypped. Here it says the fee of that contract went to someone else with a previous exclusivity claim on that mage."

"Say what?-!" Chamo rushed to his side, struggling free from Matoi's choking grip.

"Apparently, this familiar had established a life-long relationship as Despair-sensei's broker," Albert read carefully, "And as such, every Pactio made by Despair automatically goes to him, due to his condition as sole representative of his official interests."

Chamo sighed. "C'est la vie. I thought something like this would happen, but no harm done! At least I helped two hapless souls to share their miseries with each other!"

"It also says you're going to be fined with 500 ermine dollars over violating those conditions," Albert said.

Chamo froze in place, then tugged on his head's fur. "I'M GOING TO FIND THAT LITTLE BASTARD AND MAKE HIM GIVE MY MONEY BACK!-!"

Hakase groaned and tossed a clock on his head. "Attempting to reach REM phase of slumber here—!"

Elsewhere, in the Itoshiki household, a miserable looking rabbit stared dumbly at his own laptop.

After a very, very long silence, Mesousa voiced a whimpering, weak question. "Master...? I'm pretty sure this sign of apparent good luck must be nothing but a mistake of the system, one that will sourly disappoint me later, but just in case, did you happen to do something today that increased the amount in my personal account?"

Nozomu rolled on his futon, facing the wall stubbornly. "I don't want to talk about it!"

...

After returning home from the cabin, Chisame had barely settled down when she heard a soft rapping on her door. She went to it, only to see Miyazaki Nodoka standing there. She was about to ask her why wasn't she with Misora and Cocone when she noticed she looked far too meek and uneasy to be _that_ Nodoka. It had to be her world's.

"G-Good evening, Chisame-san," the librarian bowed. "Um, I just noticed you'd returned, and I wanted to give you this." She handed her a bag. "Y-your sister brought it for you earlier today. She waited for a few hours for your return, until it was too late..."

Chisame blinked, looking down at the copious amounts of gifts and candy packets inside of the bag. "Oh, I see. Thanks, Miyazaki."

Nodoka actually smiled. It was the first time ever Chisame had ever thanked her about anything. "You're welcome." There was a brief pause. "Um, it must be nice to... to have a sister," she offered clumsily.

Chisame only shrugged. "It has its ups and downs."

"She's a very nice person," Nodoka observed.

Maybe Chisame was just paranoid, but she could have sworn there was an 'Unlike you' missing at the end of that sentence, despite Nodoka's lack of malice. Was she projecting? Ridiculous.

"Well..." Nodoka sighed, "Tell N-Negi-sensei good evening for me, please? I-I really got to go now... Good night!" she quickly dashed back to her own room before even waiting for a reply.

As she rested her back against the door's frame, breathing heavily, Yue looked at her with a lifted eyebrow. "You didn't get to talk to him?"

"C-Chisame-san opened it."

"And you didn't ask to talk with him as well?"

"Wh-What for?"

Yue sighed. "Nodoka, if you really want to get anywhere with this—"

"G-Get anywhere with what?" the other librarian gulped, shifting her head around so even more of her hair obscured her face now. She was remarkably good at it. A notable defense mechanism she had developed over the years.

"You'll make me say it outright, won't you?" Yue pressed. "Negi-sensei. And you. You know you want it."

Nodoka shook her head stubbornly.

Yue sighed again. "Nodoka, I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself first."

Meanwhile, in Chisame's bedroom, she was dividing the candy between everyone with a blank expression and Albert gorged themselves happily, and even the Negis showed signs of their true age as they ate. Hakase looked at her share with critical hesitation, reading carefully the tiny print of the ingredient list, murmuring about the grievous lack of nutritive merits and the hazards to health involved, before just shrugging and starting to eat. Asuna cornered the chocolate share.

"You know..." Calculator mused absently as everyone else was too busy eating to notice.

"What?" Chisame asked her.

"I overheard Miyazaki, and I think I'm just a bit curious myself. What's having a sister like?" She kept her voice purposefully low and bland, trying to show she didn't really care.

"Oh, you already met her..." Chisame said in the same tone.

"Yeah, but it's not the same thing as living with her, right?"

"Thankfully for you, no."

"... Is she that bad?" a wee bit of interest leaked out.

"Like I said, it has its ups and downs."

"Ah."

Chisame almost smiled. "I can think of many overall worse things, though."

"I heard that!" Twilight Red said.

"Shut up!" both Chisames told her.

...

**Panty and Stocking with Unequally Rational and Emotional.**

As Misora and Cocone walked back into the church, they passed next to a short blonde in a red micro-dress and a pale Gothic Lolita with long black hair, hugging a plush cat. Father Garterbelt's really odd small dog, Chuck, yapped while running around them, wagging his tail.

"Um, excuse me?" Misora asked them, warily, but feeling curious enough to dare approaching them. "I think visit hours are over, please come back tomorrow..."

"It's okay, we're Father G's guests," the blonde waved a hand dismissively, giving her a brief but intense predatory look up and down before smirking. "How old are you, Sweetie?"

"Ehh?" Kasuga blinked before blurting out, "Fourteen... Why?"

The blonde hummed, pulled a small law book out of somewhere in her dress, flipped through it and grinned lecherously. "LEGAL!"

A vein bulged on Cocone's head.

The Goth Loli huffed, grabbing the skanky one by an ear and dragging her into the Father's office. "Forget it, sister. We're late to our meeting."

"We're late only because YOU got yourself into that stupid eating contest with that dumb but cute redhead!" the other stranger kicked around madly. "Why can you always indulge into your hobbies freely, but it's a sin when I do it?-!"

As the door slammed shut behind them, Cocone mused, "I thought the Father was into men."

Misora scratched her head. "Maybe they ARE men. You never know nowadays..." Then she blinked, looking down at her partner. "Aren't you way too young to know about such things?"

Cocone looked around innocently, evading to answer.

Really, Misora just couldn't get a clue...

...

"A Witch, obviously," Stocking nodded, staring at the pictures the towering, dark skinned, fearsome priest had handed them. "Wow, Orphans, Hollows, and now Witches. You truly have the Unholy Trinity here!"

"Our local forces can handle the Orphans just fine, and the Hollows are the Shinigami's problem," Father Garterbelt said, serious as ever. "Hollows very rarely attack humans, anyway. But Witches, here of all places, with so many impressionable and naive young women... I don't need to tell you how bad that is."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Panty snorted, staring at her red finger nails. "Where there's a Witch, there are Puella Magi, and where there's a Puella Magi, there's an Incubator. Shit just hit your proverbial fan. You'll have this whole nest of airheads swarming with Witches in no time."

"You're supposed to be here to prevent that!" the man roared, slamming a hand on his desk. "This Witch was sighted last night, in the North side of the city. That's far enough from the school for now, but we all know it's only a matter of time before we start having focal points right here, too. This academy is like a big buffet waiting for the Incubators. If they start spreading between the female student body, I shudder to think about our future. Though I suppose it could be worse. We could be dealing with Moderators and Kampfer…"

There _really_ should have been an ominous thunder crack…

Stocking hummed sweetly at the mention of food. "Buffet, hmmm? My, I'm feeling hungry again..."

Her sister crossed her legs. "Haven't you just eaten enough ice cream crap to feed a whole battalion? Seriously, not even Skuld-sama..."

Garterbelt, for once, half smiled. "Had another competition with a poor soul?"

"Two, actually," Stocking licked her lips while remembering those sweet flavors. Her sister did as well, but while reminiscing those sweet young legs instead. "I scared one of them away very early in, but the other one stayed, and we had a good duel. I ended up making her puke sugar, though. Literally..."

_Elsewhere at the dorm she shared with Kaoru and Miyako, Akatsutsumi Momoko shuddered and rolled around on her bed, clutching her stomach. "I feel so awful... So weak... That girl was a real demon...!"_

_Miyako blinked, looking at a small piece of paper in her hands. "Her sister gave me this. 'For a really good time, call this number—'? What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"It means you should never call that number," Kaoru summed up, slumped before the TV watching the latest NBA game._

At the Church, the blonde stood back up, fixing her mini skirt. "Right. The Witch. Well, I'll go do some research on her."

"You're going on another date," Stocking told her accusingly.

"With a respected authority figure of the area! He might give me some important clues!" the blonde excused herself, rather badly.

"What's his name?" the Father asked.

She scratched her head. "Dunno. Don't remember it right now. Natta, or something. We made a date online, right? He looked the intellectual, academic type, and I decided to give him a shot..."

"Try not to get arrested for public exposure this time," her sister told her.

"And don't come back here vomiting sperm again," Garterbelt commanded.

"And whatever you do, DON'T come back to our room bringing five drunk bikers with you again!" the Goth Loli warned angrily.

"Remember, if you die in any shameful, sinful, illegal positions out of the line of duty, the Church will deny any knowledge of your existence, and you won't be buried on blessed ground!" the huge man continued.

"Oh, screw you guys!" the blonde shouted.

Meanwhile, waiting at his table in an expensive restaurant, alone and miserable, Nitta-sensei sulked. "I wonder what I'll say if any of my colleagues happens to see me here..."

...

**Killing Joke**

_A secret place in Kyoto._

Ruri looked up from her laptop, taking her eyes from the Chiu-sama page for only a moment (hey, even genius hackers could have vapid, pretty idols. That was one of the few hobbies they allowed her in the bioengineering lab). The huge golden orbs fixed on the ghastly pale man snoring on the room's couch instead.

"What is he saying?" she whispered. She tried to read the red-painted lips carefully, like she had been taught by her old superiors. "Jee— A— Neee— Nee— I— E—?"

Like always, her other captor, the pale boy lounging eternally bored before the TV, just shrugged and snorted. His gaze was fixed on the violent scenes on the screen, watching how Rambo blew dozens of enemy soldiers apart, and his hands absently ripped a newspaper to shreds as he observed the splurts of blood with quiet fascination. "You humans are all like that. Even him."

Ruri sat straight next to the couch, hands primly on her lap. Her expression didn't change, but Quartum would have said she felt curious.

_The dream always changes. Sometimes, it's because of an evil, abusing father. Sometimes, I'm just rotten from birth, a manifestation of sheer evil upon this world. Sometimes, I'm just a simple, cowardly crook with small, petty intentions, before the Shadow of the Bat falls upon me. Sometimes, it's all at once._

_Sometimes, it's Jeannie._

_The old, dingy rented apartment. The sickly pregnant wife waiting next to the window._

Ruri wasn't sure why was she waiting there, just looking down at the funny looking ugly white face. The part of her that still somewhat resembled a little girl just wanted to poke that pointy nose and see what happened, just because. She was fairly sure Quartum wouldn't even care. But she was a smart girl, after all, so she didn't.

_"Only one job," the gang had promised, as they handed him the shiny red hood. "All we need is you to guide us inside. You used to work there, didn't you?"_

The Joker snorted and shifted around in the couch, making Ruri back away. Quartum gave her an amused look. "So you can feel fear too, can't you?"

A small frown. "Can't you?"

His answer was as casual as blunt. "No."

_Fear. Panic, as the giant shadow fell from above. Sending him stumbling back into the green liquid below._

_Criminals, after all, are a cowardly and superstitious lot._

Then his eyes snapped wide open.

Eerily silent, he looked at the two much younger figures, making Ruri gulp, before he grinned goofily and sat up in a single jolt. "Well, that was some nice dream! Where are the boys, Quarty?"

"You made them to stand guard outside, remember?" he droned. The movie was finishing. Maybe he'd watch _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ next. Or perhaps something truly terrifying and gory, like _Twilight._ He'd finally see it through to the end, darn it!

The pale man hummed and scratched his armpit. "Are you watching that junk again? Put the Golden Glories channel on. I think there's a Buster Keaton festival tonight. Thank God this pit gets American channels..."

Oddly, it felt the closest to what she understood a 'family' felt like that Ruri had ever experienced.

"Idiots," she still muttered.

...

**The Bare Facts.**

Evangeline woke to find the bed empty. For a moment, she was confused. Had it all been a dream? The chaos, the doubles, the awesome, _awesome_ sex?

But no. The game system was still running that fighting game the other her had brought. Currently, it was showing a Gundam fighting a little girl. The girl was winning.

She sat up, blinking as the blanket slid down her sticky, naked body. "Kitty?" she called out, half-expecting a sarcastic reply. There was no answer. She frowned, concentrating her ears. Even sealed, her senses were better than other people's. It was why she so particular about her tea. Her tongue was hypersensitive.

Nothing. No singing in the house, no rattle of teacups, no water in bathroom.

Slightly concerned now, she slid off the bed, her feet sleeping into her handmade fuzzy slippers. The guest slippers Mc Dowell had borrowed were still where she had thrown them during their foreplay, one on top of the TV, the other next to the closet. The clothes they'd discarded were still all over the place as well. The closet was undisturbed, as the unmoved slipper showed.

She told herself she really shouldn't worry. After all, why should she give a damn if the other her went anywhere? It wasn't l-like she cared o-or anything. It's just that she was really horny and this was great sex! That was the only explanation!

Eva nodded to herself, satisfied with her rationalization. Then she pulled on a thong and black minidress so she could start looking.

Both Chachamarus were downstairs, standing next to either side of the stairs in patient repose. One had her eyes closed. The other looked up at Evangeline's descent. "Master," this one said. Hers, obviously.

"Is the other me down in the resort?" Evangeline asked, frowning.

Chachamaru blinked. "She is gone, master?"

Evangeline swore. She moved to check the front door. It was unlocked.

Chachamaru had risen and come to her side, looking concerned. The other one had still not moved. "My apologies, master. I was in the kitchen preparing for breakfast earlier. She must have left then."

"Is she asleep or something?" Evangeline said, gesturing at the unmoving gynoid.

"She is undergoing defragmentation," Chachamaru explained. "So in a sense, she IS sleeping, undergoing the same mental refreshment as in REM sleep."

"I didn't ask for exposition," Evangeline muttered. She stomped over and shook the gynoid, grunting as she her hand met greater resistance than she had expected. She was denser than Chachamaru! Eva was surprised her floor wasn't cracking.

Karakuri took a while to 'wake', before suddenly snapping to consciousness, blinking. Evangeline had to wonder if that was required or an affectation. Mechanical blue eyes met Eva's own. "Mas—? Ah. How may I be of assistance, Lady McDowell?"

Evangeline felt slightly uncomfortable hearing that impersonal title from Chachamaru's face, lacking the— absurd as it sounded— warmth of her own servant, but stifled the feeling. "Your mistress is gone," she said. "Do you know where she is?"

Karakuri stared blankly at her, before tilting her head, her antennae opening up and extruding various sensors. "Scan initiated. Mistress found. Extrapolating from topographical data, and the mistress's velocity and altitude, the mistress is on foot, proceeding at a slow walking pace along Sakura Lane, towards the dormitories."

Evangeline had turned around and was power-walking out the door before the last word was finished.

"Master!" Chachamaru said, fussing. "Please wait! Let me get your coat. You'll catch a cold again!"

Karakuri moved past her double, stride as determined, only faster.

Chachamaru waffled for another 0.0039 seconds, before dashing upstairs to fetch her master a coat and raced after the two.

...

Munakata Shiho stifled a yawn. The recent increase in supernatural activity had made the dean commission Mana's— and therefore, her— services for night duty for the week, and they still had three or four days to go on their contract, depending on which side of midnight it was. So far, it had been blessedly, sinfully boring. There'd been a report of a monster attack of some kind in the commercial district, but it had been finished by the time they'd heard.

"Stay alert, Shiho," Mana said, as ready as she'd had at the beginning of their shift, hidden amongst the trees. "Evil never rests, so we must be ever ready. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

Shiho nodded mutely. Sempai had gotten weird again after she'd started re-reading her Harry Potter books.

Well, with any luck, tonight would be as boring and unexciting as the previous few nights. Just her, her onee-sama, and the underlying sexual tension…

An ominous feeling came over her, and she frowned, then rechecked the previous paragraphs. She paled at the blatant Fate Tempting.

_On her way to the bathroom and thinking of her classmate Nanoha, Fate Testarossa sneezed._

Mana suddenly tensed, leveling her rifle. A glow was coming through the trees, coming from the lane. "Shiho, cover me," Mana ordered, sighting along her scope. She growled, the light making it impossible to get an accurate shot. Lowering the weapon, she began to stalk forward, trying to get a clearer shot. Gulping, Shiho followed after.

They burst onto the path, rifle leveled, Ofuda held in shaking hands. "Freeze!" Mana ordered, then faltered.

A smiling, naked Evangeline stood before her, glowing with a pale light, a silvery crescent moon shining on her forehead.

"Oh, shit," Mana swore.

"Fine eve to thee, hunter-priestess," Evangeline said, nodding amiably, eyes half-lidded and slightly out of it. Mana smelled neither blood or alcohol, though that didn't rule out drugs. What she _could_ smell had her thinking certain thoughts of her Biathlon captain. "A beautiful moon, is it not? _Pa-le moon, pale moon… cleanses the sinful and makes them anew…_ "

Evangeline began to walk around them, singing softly, her steps swaying as if she didn't really know how to walk, giving her a sensual grace. Shiho gulped.

Mana kept back warily, gun ready but not pressing the matter. They both watched as Evangeline walked out of sight.

"Oneesama? Why didn't we stop her?"

"We're not being paid to stop naked students who glow in the dark," Mana said. "Let Nitta handle it."

A wind rose, and from out of the sky dropped Chachamaru, another Chachamaru, and another Evangeline. This one was clothed, if barely.

"Tatsumiya!" she barked. "Have you seen a naked girl come by here?"

Wordlessly, the two 'miko' pointed.

Evangeline nodded, and the three lifted off again.

For a moment, the two stood in silence.

"Shiho," Mana said slowly. "There wasn't anything 'extra' in those sandwiches, were there?"

"No."

"Pity. It would have been a nice explanation."

...

_Negi Springfield was dreaming. He dreamed he was at a picnic with all his friends. Nanoha, Sakura, Sailor Jupiter and Tracer were cutting up cakes, comparing recipes. Kaede and Diana-hime were sparring, the Amazon listening attentively as Shinobi Blue explained some point of their ninja arts. Hayate and Broken were similarly competing, the Wolkenritter and Rider watching off to the side. It was a peaceful, idyllic scene, in contrast to the battlefields they sometimes found themselves in._

_And yet he felt out of place. He called to people, but they ignored him. Chrono didn't look up from his conversation with Tomoyo no matter how hard Negi shook. Cakes passed him by. He stared, despairing, as everyone played and laughed on._

_Without him._

_"You do not belong here," a gentle voice said at his side._

_Negi turned to look at a tall, pale man, hair like silk, pale as light, with eyes as dark and infinite as the places between the stars, clad in loose white. He wasn't surprised. Of course this man was here. That was as it should be._

_"You are far from home, Little Magi of the Dark Within,"the man said._

_"Yes," Negi said, somehow knowing it was true. "We want to go home. I have things I need to do there."_

_"Duty," the man said, watching the picnic dividing into teams. "Its weight is heavy, yet heavier is it to shed the load. So young for such dedication. Will you be broken? Will you be reforged? Or will you be discarded and consumed?"_

_Negi tilted his head curiously. "Who are you? I think we've met before…"_

_"Perhaps," the man said. "In another place, another facet of the mirror. I am the Lord of this place. And you must leave soon."_

_"Leave?"_

_The man smiled. "Wake…"_

...

Negi Springfield, Magus Erebus, stirred in his bunk. Something held him down, a weight upon him. That wasn't all that unusual. Sometimes Asuna put her arm over him. This felt… heavier though. And… what was that sound? No, not just a sound, but…

Singing?

"Pa-ale moon, pale moon…"

His eyes snapped open. Leaning over him, her bare legs straddling his hips to either side, a naked, glowing Evangeline knelt, her head and shoulders swaying sensually to her own singing. She smiled dreamily at him.

This was, unfortunately, not the first time he'd seen a girl naked, or even the master naked, and certainly not the first time she'd straddled him like this. The singing was new, though. His eyes flicked sideways, and found the door of the dorm open. They flicked to the other side, where Asuna was mumbling about being chased by carrots. They flicked to the bunk above, but the local students didn't seem to have roused. Finally, they flicked down to meet Evangeline's eyes. Her smile widened slightly. "M-master? W-what are you doing here?"

"Blood of Mars," she breathed, the words not quite right, like she didn't know how to use her mouth, "child of Ma'aleca'andra, prince of the parallel world. I beseech thy aid…"

Negi gulped. "Um, okay?"

Next to him, Asuna stirred slightly.

Evangeline leaned down, their faces coming closer, her hair falling like a curtain around it. "Mine host hath been taken from me, and I be bound in chains of herbs and dreams, chains I know not how to unfetter."

Above them, the mattress shifted.

Evangeline's eyes filled Negi's vision, deep and dark, and somehow _infinitely_ more inhuman then it had ever been. Even in the Master's times of rage, there had been a spark of humanity, of a little girl in exuberant, if cruel, play. There was none of that now, just an ageless innocence that could not care for mere mortality.

Negi felt an irrational urge to give it a hug. Because he also knew that whoever this was in the Master's form, it was calling for help.

"Who are you?" he breathed. "Where are you?"

"In dreams I lie, lies and potions," it said through Evangeline. Her forehead was also glowing, he noticed, but he could break her gaze to look. "Come to the place where the young demon is chained, in the heart of the lake. Come to the place where the dark-souled blade once lay. Help me…" "Eva?" Chisame's voice from the upper bunk murmured, and there was the sound of glasses being taken from a ledge. "Evangeline, what the hell—?-!"

A bespectacled face peered upside down from the edge of the upper bunk, looking annoyed. The local Chisame's face blanched as she saw the naked vampire and her more than suggestive position over Negi. The way she smelled didn't help either. "WHAT THE HELL?-!"

Evangeline's head snapped up, fangs extending as she hissed in startled surprise, her eyes becoming black and crimson, nails extending.

And that's when all hell broke loose.

Negi called on Magia Erebea as Evangeline lunged for Chisame, kicking off her legs into the bed. He grabbed her wrist, but it was steely strong, and he had no leverage…

The door to Chisame's computer room burst open, and Matoi charged out, a large knife in one hand and a bulb of garlic in the other. " ** _I'LL SAVE YOU, CHISAME-SAMA!_** " she cried, leaping over a waking Calculator.

Asuna lunged in a burst of Kanka-boosted movement, tackling Evangeline. Unfortunately, this resulted in her, Eva and Negi rolling off the bed and onto the floor next to Calculator, where Matoi promptly tripped over them.

The dorm window shattered as three forms, two Chachamarus and the local Eva crashed through it, the latter crying, "THERE YOU ARE!" They promptly tripped on Calculator, resulting in their own tangle, the now-awake hacker crying she couldn't breath and would the heavy robots get off her?-!

Chisame had jerked her head back at the charged, straightening up so hard she cracked her head on the ceiling. She fell back onto the local Negi and Hakase.

"Milk…" Negi muttered, as he was jerked awake.

"Ah… Tsunetsuki-san, don't…!" Hakase murmured. "Your fingers…!"

Chisame, naturally, was losing it. " ** _WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE DOING IN OUR DORM!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?_** "

Immediately, there was a kick on the wall from the next room. "Shut up!" Fumika cried. "We're trying to sleep here!"

Erebus sighed philosophically. "There's probably a good explanation for this…"

The naked Eva blinked, cutting off a line of singing as she came awake. "Boya? Why are we— Boya, are you _finally_ at that age where—?"

"Eva, SHUT UP!" Asuna hissed.

The door opened, and Mana strode in guns ready, Shiho right behind her. The Puerto Rican raised an eyebrow, taking in the mess. Shiho gasped, face reddening as her nose started to bleed. "Well, _this_ ought to be interesting,"Mana said. "Who wants to go first?"

The ragtag bunch scattered across the room remained eerily silent for a few long, tense moments, none of them quite knowing what to say, not even the Evangelines. Finally, Shiho broke the silence after looking back and forth between the Chisames.

"Onee-sama, I thought you had said the only twins in your class were—"

"They are," Mana nodded only once. "Wait outside, Shiho."

The small redhead blinked. "Huh? But, Oneesama..."

"Wait outside, Shiho," she repeated, with less patience this time. With an audible gulp, the younger Miko backed away into the hall and closed the door after herself.

The girl with multiple pigtails sat down on the hall's floor, rubbing the bridge of her nose, and slumping her shoulders down. "One of these days, Oneesama..." she promised. "One of these days, you won't look at Shiho like a child any more… and then Shiho will get around to using personal pronouns more…"

The door of one of the rooms down the hall opened, and out peeked a face obscured by heavy bangs of short dark hair. "E-Excuse me..." the local Nodoka asked, "Is-Is everything okay in Negi-sensei's room? We heard yells, and—"

Shiho interrupted her curtly. "Everything is under control. Go back to sleep."

"C-Can we help with anything?" Nodoka asked again. Yue was now peeking behind her, rubbing her sleepy eyes with the back of a hand.

"You can help by going back to sleep!" the younger girl barked angrily.

"S-Sorry!" Nodoka shrunk back immediately.

Yue scowled a bit, annoyed at their kohai's rudeness, and gently pulled Nodoka back in, tugging on one of her sleeves. "Come in, Nodoka. I'm sure there's no reason to worry."

Once alone again, Shiho crossed her arms over her knees and pouted. She mumbled to herself. "I'll be as strong and sexy as you, onee-sama, and then you and onii-chan will notice me, and won't look down at me anymore, and then... and then..."

Then she realized there was a small animal with white fur and a long tail looking at her a few steps away. At first she thought it was only Negi-sensei's stupid pet ermine, but then she noticed it was another kind of animal.

A cat.

Elsewhere, resting on top of a fence, Kyubey almost had a vague feeling of a lost opportunity.

Shiho gave the cat a curious look, her anger subsiding momentarily. "Haven't I seen you somewhere near before?"

 _Stupid Shiho,_ she told herself. _Cats can't answer back._

She reached out to the cat, running a finger over the small crescent moon shaped bald spot on the animal's forehead. "What's this? A decoration?" she wondered.

The cat purred briefly, but just as soon, it turned around and ran away, disappearing down the hall.

Munakata briefly wondered what the hell that was all about. The whole events of that whole night seemed to be so absolutely random they were starting to give her a headache.

She rubbed the spot that ached the most, the one right under her hair, right above the forehead. The one where she had that weird birthmark of her own.

Meanwhile, inside...

...

As soon as Shiho was out, Mana sat down on the floor,her pistols still in her hands, keeping a level glare on everyone.

"Very well. Tell me what's happening here."

"She's my twin sister!" both Chisames pointed at each other.

"She's my cousin!" Negi pointed at the long haired Negi, who tried to look as demure and ladylike as possible, despite something inside of him crying angstily over it.

"I'm her prototype," Chachamaru pointed at Karakuri.

The Evangelines rolled their eyes.

"There's no point in keeping up this charade..." the clothed one muttered.

"Indeed," the naked one nodded. "Tell them, Tatsumiya."

"Very well," Mana nodded, then started pointing at each one of them. "You, Negi Springfield, are a magical graduate from Merdiana Academy. You, Hasegawa Chisame, Kagurazaka Asuna and Hakase Satomi, are his Ministra Magi. You can come out of that drawer already, Chamo-san. Yes, I know you are a magical ermine, a talking one at that, and you were the panty stealing critter I shot when you first arrived here. You, Evangeline-san, are the vampire from Sakura Lane, also known as the Mistress of Puppets, Dark Evangel, and Queen of the Night. You, Chachamaru-san, are a robot."

Matoi coughed.

"You, Tsunetsuki Matoi, are freaking weird," Mana droned.

Matoi made a sour face.

Chisame's face had gone as pale as a white sheet. "What. No. How. When."

Calculator only sighed. "Of course. I should've remembered you'd be in the know here, too."

Chamo trembled, barely poking his nose out of the underwear drawer. "I'm under arrest, aren't I...?"

Negi bit his lower lip. "Will I be turned into an ermine?"

"Yes, and will I be turned into— Never mind," Chamo said, then poked himself on the forehead with a paw. "I got carried away..."

"I knew who you were from the day you first set foot here, Sensei," Mana said indifferently. "I'm supposed to know."

"Then you're part of the local mage community, like Kasuga-san!" Negi gasped.

Tatsumiya grunted in annoyance. "That was supposed to be a secret, too..."

"Better get used to it. Most secrets shouldn't last long around here," Asuna advised.

"Well, if that's the case," Mana fixed a harsh glare at her, "Tell me what's the big secret with all these doubles. I'm still waiting..."

"We owe you no explanations!" Evangeline huffed aloofly.

Mana looked at her blankly. "Okay."

Eva's right eyebrow went up. "Okay?"

"If you don't want to tell me, I'll just walk away and give an incomplete report. They'll pay me the same anyway, so why to bother listening to you?"

"Are you implying you have no interest in what we have to say?" McDowell snarled.

"The nerve, Tatsumiya!" Evangeline tightened her fists. "OF COURSE YOU WILL LISTEN! TO EACH LAST WORD OF OUR STORY! AND YOU WILL PAY THE UTMOST ATTENTION, YOU HEAR ME?-!"

"I'll go prepare tea for everyone," Chachamaru walked for the door. "Hakase-san, do you still have the kitchenette in the same place?"

Satomi yawned and nodded. "Yes, just try not to touch the portable experimental generator I left next to the door. It's still highly unstable..."

...

Akira shifted under the blankets, opening her eyes slowly to look at the single red rose in a glass jar on her night desk.

He wasn't as cute as Negi. Really.

What did Minako-san see in him?

She should just throw that rose away. It had only made Minako-san angry at her.

Yet, she only kept on looking at it in the darkness.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but I noticed you were awake," a soft male voice came from her window. Akira blinked, shocked, but relaxed herself after seeing the white cat there.

"Oh, it's you, Artemis-san," she sighed. "Is there another emergency?"

"Oh, no, not really," he said. "Look, I don't want to be a bother, but could I stay here tonight?"

Akira blinked, straightening herself up on the bed. "Why? What happened?"

"Ah, Minako has been just too cranky all night long. She has those phases, and they pass quick, but it's better to stay away while they last. So... can I?" he asked docilely.

Akira nodded, gesturing for him to hop in. So he did. "Thanks, Akira-san. Where's your roommate?"

"She called again, saying she'd be with Makie and Yuuna until late tomorrow. I'm afraid she might be thinking I'm giving her the cold shoulder."

The cat hummed thoughtfully, even as he settled down in a corner Akira was pointing at. "I see. Sadly, being a Sailor Senshi seems to do that to girls. Minako doesn't have as much of a social life anymore, which is part of what makes her so angry. Oh, thank you," he said while Akira got up and placed a pillow under him.

"Milk?" she asked.

"Never this late, thanks," he waved a paw. "I'm sorry, Akira-san. You may think we've ruined your life. If only there was some other way..."

She smiled and petted his head. "Forget it. It's not your fault. I'll keep on doing it, to keep Ako-chan and everyone else safe."

He actually smiled. It was weird, to see a cat smiling at her. It was cute, but still weird.

"By the way," he added, "I think I may have found the third of you. Sailor Mars."

"Really? Who is it?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you until I'm fully sure. I've been wrong with my guesses, you know. For a long while, I was almost convinced your classmate Asuna was Sailor Mars..."

"Asuna? A Martian Princess?" Akira lay back on her bed, arching an eyebrow. "Sorry, but I just can't see it..."

A few rooms over, there were a pair of sneezes.

Then Akira's cellphone rang again. "Moshi-Moshi? Oh, Minako-san. Yes, he's here… No, I won't mind… Really! Well, yes, I'll be there right now! On the double!"

With a long suffering expression, she told Artemis, "There's another monster sighting near here…"

"The Never Ending Battle," Artemis mused.

_Elsewhere, Superman sneezed as he punched Metallo._

...

After everything was said, Mana just sat there with a neutral expression on her face.

"That is the most implausible, messed-up thing I have heard in my whole life," she finally said, with an unchanged tone. "Even more than my sisters' 'bed-time' stories about Jack Rakan."

"All true, however," Asuna snorted.

Calculator frowned. "By 'bed-time' stories, you mean…"

"Yes," Mana said. Calculator twitched. "It would seem futile to argue otherwise," the mercenary nodded calmly, not really looking at the fuming Evangelines. "It will be a headache to express it in a report, however."

"Skip over the details. Your Headmaster already knows them," McDowell scoffed.

"I thought so," Mana replied evenly. "Still, it isn't going to be easy."

It was Evangeline's turn to snort. "Tatsumiya Mana, dreading the prospect of a job? That's news to me."

"Fighting demons is nothing. Hunting spirits is barely noteworthy. Battling monsters is a breeze. Paperwork is hell," the miko philosophized in a dry tone.

The Chisames, Asuna, and even both Evangelines had to nod in a grave fashion.

The Negis, however, stared on blankly.

"Is it really **that** bad?"

"Yes, I mean, it can be difficult at times, but it's also rewarding..." Erebus said. "Green Lantern is always so enthusiastic–"

" _She's_ not normal!" Asuna said.

McDowell shot Erebus a jaded glare. "The fact you aren't human anymore doesn't have to mean you're **that** apart from humanity, Boya."

Negi blinked. "Wait, so will I become some kind of inhuman being?"

Asuna patted him on a shoulder. "Maybe yes, maybe no. It's not the time to worry about that, really..."

Mana stood up. "Regardless, we will remain in contact. And you should contact the Dean about this latest development immediately. Far from me to tell the Dark Evangel what to do, but I'd be hard pressed to think of a better—"

"I know! I know!" McDowell grunted, finally bothering to wrap a bedsheet around herself. "Just go mind your own business!"

"With pleasure," Mana said in a monotone, bowing briefly. "Good night, Sensei, everyone. See you tomorrow." Then, right before walking out the door, she looked back. "You didn't bring any doppelganger of me, _did you_?" Her eye glinted demonically.

"What? No!" Erebus said.

"Just making sure," Mana's flat tone returned. "That would be... bad for my business. Like I was saying, good night."

And she was gone.

The Negis looked at each other.

"I'll go talk with him," the younger one said.

"Oh, no, I'll go," Erebus gently refused. "It's my student, my responsibility..."

"But you must be tired after all the extra training Master gave you..."

"Hey, hey," McDowell intervened. "Who gave _you_ the right to call me Master yet?"

"It's _me_ who's been supervising your training, you little ingrate!" Evangeline growled.

"I'll go!" Asuna jumped back to her feet. "Anything for a few minutes of peace elsewhere!"

Meanwhile, Shiho walked right behind Mana, looking downcast. "So you won't tell me?" she asked shyly.

"You aren't ready for it," Mana said.

"Why not?" the redhead asked.

"You aren't ready for the reason either," she said, as both of them walked out of the building and headed back to the shrine.

Shiho pouted. "Fine! Then I won't tell you about what I just learned!"

Mana stopped, piercing her through with a stare bad enough to shatter stone. "What **did** you learn?"

Shiho yiped, immediately forgetting her brief rebellion bout. "Hasegawa Chisame is Sailor Venus!"

Mana's eyebrows took on a curious shape. "... What?"

"I just saw that cat! The white one with the moon on its forehead! The one we always see around Sailor Venus! Right out her door! She's too short to be Sailor Mercury, so she _must_ be Sailor Venus!" Shiho elaborated quickly. "She's always off alone as well, never spending time with any clubs or friends! That must be because she has a secret life!"

Mana held a rather OOC chortle back, keeping her poker face on. "Even assuming that cat wasn't wandering far off its home, what if it belongs to Hakase-san instead?"

"She's too short to be either Senshi!" Shiho shook her head.

"And so are the librarians who live next door, right?" Mana asked, faintly amused.

"Exactly!" Shiho nodded, with a proud grin.

"And what about the girls who live at the other side?"

"Those twins? They're even shorte—" the redhead gasped. "You mean Nagase-sempai?"

"Have I said that?" Mana mused.

"Yes! It fits!" Shiho's fingers twitched. "She's as tall and agile as Sailor Mercury! It must be her! Oh, Oneesama, you're so astute!"

"Indeed," Mana put on a small smile, continuing walking through the small forest.

"So, when do we barge in and force her to admit her vigilantism crimes?" Shiho asked, way too eagerly.

"When the time's right," Tatsumiya said, conveniently forgetting to mention the just as tall Akira lived only a few doors apart from Kaede. "When the time's right, Shiho."

Any time was right to mess a bit with Kaede's reputation, though.

...

It wasn't the first time Takahata has been woken in the middle of the night for some emergency or other. It had gotten to the point where he didn't get a good night's sleep if he wasn't woken in the middle of at least twice a month. So he was actually feeling quite refreshed and expectant when the call came in.

Still, there were conventions to meet for a middle of the night emergency call. So he arrived at the dean's office at around 2:30 am, wearing a bathrobe over his pajamas, old Darkwing Duck fuzzy slippers, and a stubble badly in need of a shave.

Nozomu, in utter defiance of convention, arrived in a perfectly creased hakama and a cloak for warmth. Even the noose around his neck was perfectly knotted. Savage heathen.

"Good morning, Nozomu-kun," Takamichi said. "Any idea what happened?"

Nozomu just stared dully at the curtains. "I'm in despair," he said, just as dull.

"About what this time?" Takamichi said, rolling his eyes.

"I've engaged in relations with a student," Nozomu said. "My engaging in relations with a student has left me in despair."

Takamichi stared at him. "I'm probably a bad person for saying this first before anything else, but only _you_ would be that depressed after having sex with a student."

Itoshiki twitched, staring at him in horror. "Sex with a— NO! No matter how low I have fallen, I would never do such a thing! Do I look like some kind of… of… " He paused to think. "Evil teacher with decadent habits?-!"

_In a distant, decadent universe, Takamichi sneezed in middle of an orgasm. Asuna was not amused._

Takamichi sighed. "Does this involve one of those strange concepts you're poisoning your class with, like the touch of the seven year laugh, that only you could possibly see as a moral offense?"

"This is no laughing matter, Takamichi!" Nozomu snapped. "What am I to do?-! I'll lose my job, have to beg Evangeline for a place to stay, pay her rental with sexual favors, and end up needing to run away, a fugitive to society!"

"So… no change from usual except you have more sex?"

"You are not as amusing as you think you are, Takahata."

The door opened, and the dean stuck his head out. He was wearing a mussed robe and a sleeping cap that made it look like a walrus was eating his head. "Ah, good. Please come in. I'm sorry for having to wake you at this time of night, but Tatsumiya-kun's report left me little choice."

The two men stepped into the room, Takamichi hesitating at the threshold for a heartbeat. Inside, a girl in pajamas was yawning as she sat on one of the chairs. There was a distinct lack of bell-ringing as she turned her head. "Hey Itoshi-sensei. Calmed down yet?"

"WHY AM I STILL ALIVE?-!"

"That's a no then. Hello Takahata-san. Nice to finally meet you."

He nodded, a bit shell-shocked. She had dyed her hair blonde, making her look like Nekane, but she was obviously Asuna. Her eyes were level, serious, with a bit of mischief. "A pleasure to finally meet you, Kagurazaka-san. It's the first time I've met someone from another universe."

"Lucky for you," she said. "It happens to _us_ about once a year. The last time it did, giant monsters attacked Uminari city and we had to fight them off with a combining giant robot." She grinned. "It was _awesome!"_

"I can see how it might be," Takamichi said noncommittally.

The dean sat behind his desk, and the three moved to stand in front of it. "Now, we can begin. A few minutes ago, I received a report from Tatsumiya-kun that she had encountered the other Evangeline sleepwalking naked towards the dorms. She was soon followed in turn by Evangeline and both Chachamarus."

Asuna nodded. It was eerily like having Arika-hime in the room. He could see Nozomu beginning to look more pained and uncomfortable with everything than usual. "That's right headmaster. You've already heard about how our Eva-chan was this morning?"

Konoemon nodded. "Something about unstoppable spontaneous singing and her becoming a vampire karaoke machine."

Asuna chuckled. "According to Chachamaru and your Evangeline, literally the first words out of Eva-chan's mouth that wasn't singing was 'Kyoto'."

The dean and Takahata frowned. "Kyoto?"

Asuna nodded. "We didn't think much of it at the time, since her nonstop singing was a more pressing concern. The only similar instance of it in our world had been a singing supervillain called the Music Meister, but Eva hadn't met with anyone that day, so we discounted it. Then tonight happened."

She frowned. "I was asleep for part of it, but Negi filled me in. He said something had been talking _through_ Evangeline, and it also mentioned Kyoto. It was asking for our help to get free."

Konoemon rubbed his chin. "Disturbing. That something, anything could just take control of Evangeline like that…"

"Negi said he didn't think it was malicious, and he's usually a good judge of this sort of thing," Asuna said. "But we're kinda worried it's our Eva getting this and not yours. Yours has no powers, so she should be the vulnerable one, but ours is the one getting jacked, and she's at full power, with all sorts of vampire mental defenses."

"That does sound ominous," the dean agreed.

"How do you know it meant Kyoto?" Takamichi asked.

"It mentioned Sukuna and the Yoh Katana Hinata," Asuna said, to surprised blinks. She smiled. "Those ARE in Kyoto, weren't they? At least, the sword used to be. But… " she frowned again. "It called Sukuna the demon chained at the heart of the lake. The _young_ demon. That's… kinda worrying. It makes it sound like this thing is old. That usually means major mojo back home."

Konoemon hummed thoughtfully. "This is disturbing news. I'm of a mind to cancel the class trips there. Signs of an ominous supernatural presence in Kyoto is exactly the sort of omen we should pay attention to."

"Except you can't, because it would piss off Konoka and you need to get a message to Eishun that you're sure isn't going to get intercepted," Asuna said cheerfully.

Konoemon coughed. "Yes, that. Tell me Asuna-kun, must you be so smug?"

"Hey, I finally know enough that not only can I tell what's really going on, but I can actually act all knowing and mysterious!" Asuna chirped. "I need this!"

"Well, okay, I get what that's like," Konoemon said, nodding.

...

**Season of the Witch.**

"I can't believe you managed to convince the dean to let you go to Kyoto," Itoshiki said, walking next to Asuna. "I have honestly never heard such erudite and convincing arguments."

"Yue can rub off on you," Asuna said. "There's really no need for you two to walk me to the dorms."

"Nonsense," Takamichi said. "It's not right to let a young woman walk alone at night. There are many dangers abroad at night."

Itoshiki stared at Takamichi incredulously. "There are?-! Why have you not told me of this before?-! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!-!-!"

"Oh, come on," Asuna said. "I learned Kanka before _you_ did! Plus I've got Magic Cancel. What can you protect me from that I can't beat up myself?"

They walked on in silence.

"You, uh, remember that?" Takamichi said.

"Istanbul was nice," Asuna said dreamily. "I really need to go back there some time it isn't being held hostage by terrorists or we're on the run from a government."

They walked through the darkened streets, listening to the night time sounds.

"Isn't that Kuro jumping from roof to roof?" Itoshiki said. "With a sword in either hand?"

Asuna facepalmed. "Can we not tell the dean about this right now? I REALLY don't want to have to go back right now…"

"Well, to be fair…" Takamichi said, pointing.

They sat at a bench and watched as Sailor Venus, Sailor Mercury, Rukia wearing a new mask, Tuxedo Mask following the first two, Takane and Mei, Sister Shafti, Nagase Kaede and her aunt Miko, Itsuki Koizumi, and a duck ran over the roofs.

"That duck looked sort of familiar…" Itoshiki said.

"I'd think that was weird, but I know a fire-breathing magic plushie back home," Asuna said. "Suddenly I feel right at home…"

"I should probably bring up this rampant vigilantism next time I talk to the dean," Takamichi said.

The dean jumped past wearing a kerchief bandana.

"Or not."

Itoshiki slumped. "What has this world come to? To think that the heroes break the law as readily as the villains,respecting no authority but their own power… I'M IN DESPAIR! THIS DARK AGE OF HEROES HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

_Somewhere, Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Rob Liefeld, Todd McFarlane, Brian Azzarello and their disciples all sneezed._

They continued their walk to the dorms.

"Hey, Takahata-sensei, there's something I've been wanting to ask you. Well, not _you_ specifically, but the other you back home," Asuna said.

Takamichi raised an eyebrow. "What's that, Kagurazaka-san?"

"When you turn me down after I confess to you, is it going to be because you're not into older women?"

Itoshiki choked on his tongue.

Takamichi turned to stare. Asuna wore an expectant, innocent look. "I'm not quite sure how to answer that…"

"Well, it's not because you're like Godel— that creepy weirdo Senator— and you have lingering unrequited feelings for Arika-neechan, is it?" Asuna asked.

Her back to him, Asuna didn't see how Itoshiki jumped guiltily, blushing to make any teenaged girl proud. Takamichi stifled a cough. "No, definitely not," he said. "To be honest, I had always found Arika-hime to be quite intimidating."

"Intimidating? Nee-chan?" Asuna laughed. "You need to see her trying to be motherly with Negi! Honestly, those two are so tense and uncomfortable half the time Nagi thinks they're being too pathetic to laugh at. Insensitive jerk," she said fondly.

Takamichi chose not to comment, and they continued walking in silence. Behind Asuna, the two men exchanged looks. Arika-hime… lived. In this Asuna's world, she had lived… and had gone on to see her son rise to become a Mage. Somehow, the knowledge made their truth even more tragic.

Suddenly, Itoshiki jerked, eyes looking about wildly. "This feeling of darkness and depression… the urge to die, a creeping call to nonexistence… I'M FALLING TO DESPAIR! LIFE IS DRIVING ME TO DESPAIR!"

"Oh, keep it down Itoshiki-sensei," Asuna chided.

Takamichi, however, frowned. "Nozomu-kun?"

"I can feel it in the very wind!" the depressive cried, falling to his knees. "THIS WORLD IS HOPELESS! What is there to live for? NOTHING! Best to die now, and forever be at peace…"

He reached to his noose and began to pull at it, a slow, steady tug that efficiently blocked his airway. His eyes began to bulge, his face turn blue…

"Nozomu!" Takamichi cried.

There was a thud as the stubbled teacher smacked Itoshiki with a right hook.

Asuna jumped. "Whoa, no need for that, Takahata-sensei! Sure, he can get annoying, but—"

"Please be quiet, Asuna-san," Takamichi interrupted, kneeling next to Nozomu, who was shaking his head dazedly, mumbling about apple plucking. Death Specs reached over and loosened the noose, revealing the skin beneath. At the literature teacher's neck was a small, bruise-colored cutesy mark.

Asuna hissed as Taksmichi frowned. Both said the word at the same time.

" _Witch…_ "

Takamichi looked at her, an eyebrow raised inquiringly.

"We have them on our world too," Asuna said grimly, pulling her Pactio card from a pocket. "They're evil. We try to keep them out of Mahora, but sometimes new ones come in from out of town."

Itoshiki opened his eyes groggily. "Oh, cra— er, excrement! I think we're right on top of—"

The air around them began to shimmer.

" _ADEAT!_ " Asuna cried, light bursting around her and clothing her in armor, her sword in hand. " _Telepathia! NEGI—!_ "

And then the world went INSANE as they entered the Witch's domain…

...

...

"These things always make me nauseous," Asuna said, looking at the shifting zone around them. "Seriously, this place looks like it was made by a kindergartener with cotton balls, magazine cuttings and old Monty Python cartoons."

"Monty Python?" Takamichi said. "Really?"

"Blame Yue," Asuna said, gripping her sword tightly. "I think she was trying to find out what Negi liked and got hooked. That and Princess Bride."

Movement. Asuna turned, blade low, while Takamichi looked in the opposite direction, watching their back.

A small, weird creature that looked like a cottonball on a stalk on top of a butterfly lay jerking there. It had a weird mustache on what was presumably its face, with slim stalks for arms.

"Schneiden die schlechten Blumen," it chittered strangely. "Schneiden! Schneiden! Schneiden für unser Königin!"

Asuna looked blankly at it. "These things speak Ancient Belkan?"

"I think it's German," Takamichi said, eyes scanning. He spotted more of the cottonball things, their mustaches wobbling. There were other things too, looking like ghosts made of ice-cream, with multiple differently-colored eyes and pastel butterfly wings. They fluttered everywhere, big and smaller, cream-colored versions turning to look at them.

"Really?" Asuna said. "Sounds Belkan to me. You know what they're saying?"

"Cut the ugly flowers," Itoshiki muttered groggily, rubbing his jaw. He shakily got up to his feet, rubbing his neck. "Cut. Cut. Cut for our queen."

"That doesn't sound good," Asuna said, sighing. "That doesn't sound good at all."

The ice-cream ghosts began to shiver, and the ringing of bells began to fill the air.

"Eindringlinge!" the little familiars cried. "Eindringlinge! Schneiden sie die Eindringlinge!"

"No," Itoshiki agreed. "Not good at all."

A clicking rose in the air. As they watched, the familiars drew out scissors and began opening and closing them ominously.

Asuna somehow managed to look over her shoulder at Takamichi without turning her head. It was a knack she'd picked up on the battlefield. "We need to get moving!"

Takamichi nodded. "Nozomu-kun, I'll buy you time. Make like a Mage and use it right."

The depressive grimaced but reached into his hakama and drew his ruler. " _Bure bure bure bure…_ "

"In one hand, the world…" Asuna whispered.

"In the other, myself…" Takamichi said, finishing the old mantra, feeling memories of Istanbul churning at the words.

" _KANKA!_ " Asuna cried, suddenly bursting with power.

At the cry, both she and Takamichi charged at the Witch's familiars.

Asuna slashed at the familiars, every swing of her enormous and definitely-not-Freudian sword taking down at least five of the things. They chittered creepily as they died, exploding into clouds of butterflies. At Itoshiki's other side, Takamichi had his hands in the pockets of his pajamas, blasting with Iaiken. Those scissors gleamed ominously, and he didn't want to get too close.

"Gah!" Asuna cried, raising a gauntleted arm to protect her face as a bunch of the familiars turned into thorny vines, wrapping around the armor. "Darn it! I hate these things! They always remind me of Haruna's manga!" She slashed at the threads, and they fell from her arm. "We need to get to the center to take down the Witch!"

"Which way is that?" Takamichi said. "I can't tell wall from floor around here, much less which way to go."

"There!" Itoshiki pointed at the clouds of butterfly debris. "They seem to be flowing that disturbing opening that more than faintly resembles an anu—!"

"TMI!" Asuna said. "They must be going back to their source!"

"Itoshiki!" Takamichi snapped. "Cover me!"

" _Bure bure bure bure!_ " Itoshiki cast. " _Ringo Mogire Beam!_ "

The blast of dark energy pushed back the familiars around Takamichi as he gathered his power. " _Super Iaiken!"_

The oversized attack blasted apart the dark opening. Thankfully, Asuna was turned away, else the image of the long, wide beam stretching forward to penetrate the round opening would have been… squicky. As it was Itoshiki twitched and instinctively covered his ass.

"Go, go, go!" Asuna cried, hauling Itoshiki by the back of his belt and dashing for the break as the teacher yelled in surprise.

Takamichi covered their charge as they penetrated deeper into the Witch's darkest places.

…

That didn't come out right.

...

Kuro frowned from where she knelt on the roof, taking her time to line up her shot. "Why do I feel like I need to be in another fight scene?"

"What are you talking about?-!" Rukia screamed as she parried off a random Orphan's creepy tentacles. "And why am I here by myself?"

"Hey, samurai are statistically less vulnerable to tentacle attack than Lolis and girls with skirts!" Sailor Venusshot back as she finished using her Venus Love Me Chain and a pair of trashcan lids to make an improvised chastity belt.

"I'm not a samurai!" Rukia cried. "And why isn't the duck here?"

"I'M NOT WEARING PANTS, WOMAN!" Vigilante cried.

...

Takahata, Asuna and Itoshiki now stood before a gigantic door surrounded everywhere by fragrant red roses which contrasted starkly with the utter lunacy and evil felt all around. A titanic, grotesque portrait of a deformed and twisted Napoleon Bonaparte hung from the door.

Minions began to swarm protecting the door, squirming out of all corners, and advancing quickly towards the humans.

"Nozomu-kun," Takamichi said.

"I know," the depressive sighed sadly, "I'll clear a path, you'll take it, I'll go behind you. Is that acceptable?"

"As good a plan as anything else," Asuna shrugged, her sword ready.

"Not really, but thanks anyway," Itoshiki said before casting again. _"Marionette Marionette Tiichazu Petto..."_

As he waved the ruler, thin, black strings sprouted all across the thick air of the place, falling down on the small hideous mustached things, attaching themselves to them quickly, and began to shake them around wildly, mainly against the walls and floor. "Now!" Nozomu said. "It isn't a long lasting spell!"

Plowing a stomping dash through the creatures, the girl and Death Glasses reached the door in no time, and they brought it down with a mighty combined Kanka-charged kick. Itoshiki rushed after them, yelping as he shook off a few winged beings head-butting him.

After running through a short and narrow hall with nightmare-inducing portraits hanging from its walls, however, they only reached another door. They took it down as well, only to be greeted by the sight of another door. This one, however, opened itself before they could move for it. So did the door after that one. And the next one. And the last one.

They were now standing at the entrance of a grand round hall, its colorful walls shiny and decorated with images of butterflies and roses. Those walls stretched all the way up to an impossibly high domed ceiling covered by large red roses.

Something sat at the middle of the hall. It was large and horrible, as tall as eight men put together, if not more. It shifted around changing sizes at each moment, but its shapeless body kept on looking the same. Its upper half was green, reminding Asuna of rancid vomit, and was blanketed all over by roses. Its lower body was colored in reddish and creme-hued tones, seemingly lacking any legs. It was on top of a dark throne of sorts, surrounded by scores and scores of both wingless and flying minions.

"The Witch," Itoshiki noted, rather unnecessarily.

"About damned time," Asuna muttered. She pointed with her sword dramatically. "Foul being of darkness!" she cried. "Roses are a token of love and comfort! To pervert them in this manner is un— HEY!"

The minions around the Witch exploded into long, thorny vines, all streaking for the trio as the weird chittering filled the air. Asuna slashed wildly, trying to keep them from latching on to her. "Darn it, I wasn't finished," she yelled. "This is against tradition, you pile of vomit potpourri! Have you been talking to Reaper-chan and Tempus?"

_A universe away, the Harlaown siblings sneezed._

"Ah, standards have fallen everywhere," Itoshiki said tragically. "Ah, I'm in despair! This drop in standards has left me in—"

The familiars and Witch all froze suddenly, their eyes— and in the Witch's case, roses— turning to focus on Itoshiki. Then they exploded in a sudden whirl of enthusiasm and violence, ignoring Asuna and Takamichi.

"Nozomu!" Takamichi cried. "Run!"

"They feed off negative emotions, like anger and fear!" Asuna cried. "You're luring them with your despair!"

"Ah! I'm not in despair, I'm not in despair!" Itoshiki yelled as he turned and started running around the room, familiars in hot pursuit. "I'm in happiness! I am ecstatically, deliriously in happiness!"

There was a loud chittering along the lines of, " _Lügner!"_

"DAMN MY HONEST FACE!"

The Super Iaiken took the familiars from behind, mowing through them like so many bowling pins. With an Amazonian cry, Asuna followed after it, tearing through them with simple, efficient violence. The Witch roared. They didn't communicate with humans— proven by attempt after attempt on Green Lantern-chan's part, and Asuna heard from Yuuno she _still_ tried sometimes— unlike Invaders, who were positively chatty, but rage seemed to be a basic feature built into them. It turned to Asuna, and there was as close to a murderous look in its roses as roses could get.

"ASUNA KICK!" Asuna cried, her foot hitting with Kanka-charged strength, snapping back the Witch's stalk-like neck. " _You interrupted my intro!"_

Her sword swung high, cutting a long, diagonal swathe down its face. " ** _NEVER!_** "

She used the upward force granted her by the slash to bounce off the relatively low ceiling, ricocheting off and coming back down, gouging out a parallel slash on the Witch's face. She landed heavily, the ground cratering slightly under her feet. " ** _INTERRUPT!_** "

She jukes back and forth from the Witch's attempts to squash her before suddenly rolling and lying flat on the ground. The Super Iaiken and a beam if dark magic flew over her head like she'd planned it. The Witch reeled back, screaming, rose eyes shriveling off, large chunks blown off its puke-face. Asuna kicked back to her feet, sword in both hands, blade drawn back as she'd learned to do from Saber.

" ** _AN…!_** " She leapt into the hair, twisting her hips as she slammed her Magic-Cancel through her blade and outward. The effect burst from the edge like the wavefront of a tsunami, its neutralizing power a deadly blade before it, even as it left an expanding, misty contrail behind. " ** _INTRO!_** "

The sword's edge, both of metal and Magic-Cancel, slammed into the Witch's neck. The Witch's colors seemed to pale and shift slightly as the wave hit.

Asuna had long ago learned that her Anti-magic couldn't take life. Hitting Chachamaru or the Wolkenritter with it could only scramble their power. It couldn't end their existence. _Life_ was a higher power than hers, apparently. Even bumped up to planet-erasing levels by Cosmo Entelekhia, it could only unmake bodies imperfectly. Souls and the _essence_ of life continued. Rakan and the old members of Cosmo Entelekhia themselves proved that.

She could, however, take every drop of magic reinforcing someone's skin and bring them down to normal.

Ensis Exorcizans cleaved through the unprotected neck like it was yogurt, the little stem snapping clean off. The green, puke-like face slid off, dropping to the ground with a disgusting splat. The world around them seemed to shudder.

As Asuna landed, the Witch's lair collapsed, everything whirling dizzyingly around them. There was a final shudder through existence, and suddenly they stood in the darkened streets of Mahora once more, the fading, glowing remnants of the Witch and Lair collapsing into a shape that collapsed to the ground, dark and dead.

In the wind, a final, chittery, almost feminine voice whispered, " _Leon…_ "

Takamichi let out a sigh. "Well. Glad that's over."

Asuna bent down to pick up the dropped object. It was like a spindle, one side of its round head imprinted with a shape like a butterfly. Ruthlessly, she dropped it again, lay her sword flat on it and crushed it. There was a soft sigh. "Evil thing," she muttered.

Itoshiki groaned. "Gah! Now we have to fill out a report! Curse you, paperwork! You're triplicate inscribing is the bane of my existence!"

Asuna frowned. "What's wrong with paperwork in triplicate?"

The teachers stared at her in horror.

Asuna raised a finger in a fashion she copied from Negi. "Paperwork is the basis for an ordered society. Without the proper reporting, filing and organization of such data, we would not be informed with what we need for— BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, I just can't say it with a straight face!"

The two teachers sighed. "Don't scare me like that," Takamichi said, giving her a reproachful look.

"Not even Kitsu-san is so obsessed with proper order that she fills out things in triplicate gracefully," Itoshiki said.

Asuna chuckled. "Sorry. It's just that I know a girl who… well, she has to be seen to be believed."

"I'll take your word for it," Takamichi said.

" _Abeat,"_ Asuna said, her armor dissolving, and she was back in her pjs again. The cold didn't seem to bother her, still glowing slightly with Kanka. "Gah! It's too early in the morning for this. Good thing I don't need to go to class tomorrow."

"Lucky you," Itoshiki said grouchily.

Takamichi smiled. "Come on," he said. "Let's get Asuna-san back to the dorm…"

...

Shortly after they left, Stocking arrived to the scene, with Chuck following her steps faithfully.

The Goth Loli frowned as she crouched down to pick the dusty remains of the Witch's Grief Seed, analyzing them carefully before sighing. "Too late! Arrrghh, and this thing would have earned me at least fifteen Heaven Coins, too! I should have followed Panty's cue and gone off to do my own thing!"

Elsewhere, a naked Panty laughed as she rode Nitta's bare lower body vigorously. "Whoo-hooo, you still gotta some life left in you, old man!"

"I think… I'm… going to have a cardiac arrest!"

...

Both Negis were still up when Asuna returned, and she noticed that despite lying down, Calculator and the local Chisame were both still awake."Huh?" she said.

"Asuna!" Erebus cried, leaping to his feet. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Asuna slapped a hand on her forehead. "Oh, right! I forgot I managed to call you. Sorry."

" _Sorry?_ " the other Negi said.

Asuna laughed, embarrassed. "Takahata-sensei, Itoshiki-sensei and I got caught by a Witch on our way back. We kicked its ass. It was nothing."

" _Nothing?"_ the Negis and Calculator cried.

"What's a Witch?" Chisame asked.

"Evil monster," Asuna said, sitting on the lower bunk. "No big deal."

"Asuna…" Erebus said, eyes wide and concerned.

Asuna rapped him on the head. "Oh, hush. Consider this payback for all those times you ditched me. Now get some sleep, all of you."

Calculator feigned indifference and went back to bed while Negi dazedly climbed up to join Chisame, who turned out the lights.

In the darkness, Asuna closed her eyes.

"Asuna?" Erebus whispered softly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're safe."

In the dark, Asuna blushed. "Oh, go to sleep, dummy!"

...

The wind blew mournfully through the trees as Kuro snuck back into Setsuna's room, yawning as she tugged on her mask.

The light flicked on, and Setsuna sat there, clutching her sword. "Where have you been?" she demanded.

"Fighting evil," Kuro said, yawning. "Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"Don't change the subject!"

"Oh, relax," Kuro said, shedding her red armor and changing back to her sleeping clothes. "A little harmless vigilantism never hurt anybody."

Setsuna twitched. "That's no excuse! I'm afraid I'll have to report you!"

"Oh, come on! Everyone else was doing it!"

Setsuna paused. "Everyone who?"

"Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus, some girl with a sword, a duck…"

Setsuna facepalmed. "THAT'S why we don't see them much during the day! Sneaky little—"

Her rant was interrupted by Kuro's snores on the couch. Setsuna's eyebrow twitched. She threw up her hands and went back to bed.

There was a large, bikini-clad picture of Konoka above her bed. That was new. As Setsuna felt her face flush, she caught sight of a Post-It over the picture's crotch. "You're welcome," it said, along with a small sketch of a smiling Kuro.

"Little interloper," she murmured. Her hand crept downward…

...

"Minion of evil!" Tuxedo Kamen cried. "Your tentacles are… huh? Oh, crap! Am I late again?"

He sighed. "I really need to get to these things sooner. Maybe I should work on my Stealth Hi Bye…"

...

**It had to Happen.**

"You know, this world is actually pretty nice," Asuna said, lying back on the bottom bunk of the local Chisame and Satomi's room and reading a manga she'd begged off the local Misora. "No being on call to fight the forces of evil at every moment, no having to listen to Ayaka bitch about who's in charge, no resting up for late-night patrols of the city looking for vampires, Invaders and Witches… heck, this world is practically a vacation spot!"

"I'd have to agree," Chisame said, sitting in front of the kotatsu and typing on the holographic keyboard in front of her, her scepter floating next to her. "I've been checking around the newsfeeds and official datalines the Association's hacked into. A lot of them don't exist, and those that _do_ show significantly lower activity. Heck, it looks like the _police_ would be able to handle these cases. And while they have Superman-sama, Batman is mostly considered a myth and they have no Green Lantern. No Justice League, either, though I've found some reference to a 'Justice Society' during World War 2 that Mel Brooks was a part of."

There was a moment of silence.

"This is all going to explode violently soon, isn't it?" Chisame said.

"Do people keep trying to stuff me into dresses?" Asuna said sarcastically.

"Don't get started on that, please?" Negi said grumpily, trying not to get his ridiculously long hair tangled up as he sat freshly scrubbed (courtesy of Asuna), wearing the plainest shirt they'd bought him— a bright pink number with frilly sleeves— denim shorts that looked like a skirt, and thigh-high stripped stockings. He has to keep himself from scratching his legs. "But yes, it is kind of nice not needing to hurry to class in the morning."

They all sighed happily.

"But I don't remember there being this much prep when _we_ went to Kyoto," Chisame said.

"Yeah, but you were still antisocial at the time," Asuna said.

"Still, it _does_ seem like they need to do more than we did," Negi said. "Oh!"

"What?" Chisame asked as she looked at the website for something called the SOS Brigade, frowning disapprovingly at the amateurish maid cosplay pics.

"The other me left some of his papers behind," Negi said, pulling some papers out from under the table's concealing covers. "I guess they accidentally got bumped out of sight. Oh! I think they'll be needing this!"

"Oh, leave it be," Asuna said. "Theyll just have to make do."

Negi looked at the clock. "There's still time. If I hurry, I can get these to the other me before class starts."

"In _that_?" Chisame said, gesturing at his outfit.

He flushed. "I'll be quick. Besides, it's not like anyone here knows me."

Grabbing the papers, he got to his feet and dropped out the window, his hair fluttering behind him.

Chisame just stared at the apparent suicide. "I cry for my sense of normalcy," she sighed, and went back to checking out the local sites.

...

It shouldn't have taken long for Erebus to get to the middle school building, roof-hopping. After all, he knew this place like the back of his hand. Still, a little difficulty was involved. He'd had to skirt several roofs with students on them. He recognized Kaede on one, and the twins on another, but many were a mystery to him. Still, best to avoid them. He had a vague suspicion they were ninja, if only from the way they jumped. Shinobi had a distinct way of leaping, he'd come to realize.

All in all, the detours meant he took longer to get to his destination, and by the time he did, the bell for homeroom had rung. That was unfortunate. Still, maybe he could sneak in to give the other him his papers. Or maybe he could magic them into the room. After all, his basic levitation spell was more than sufficient to the task.

The halls were clear as he snuck in through an upper-story hallway window, crouching low to avoid beings seen by the classrooms he passed. He didn't want teachers asking awkward questions.

3-A was at the end of the hall, next to the stairs. He crept cautiously towards the classroom's rear door, peaking in. What he saw made his heart twist in his chest.

The other him was looking in his briefcase, frowning. Erebus ignored that. It was the rest of the class he watched. Asuna-san and Ayaka-san glared at one another, while the rest of the class cheered them on. The twins were jumping rambunctiously, waving their arms. In the back, Evangeline-san looked sleepy and bored. Cassandra-san's absence next to her was jarring after a year of her steady, quiet presence. Just another typical day in 3-A.

He bit back tears, turning away to wipe frantically at his eyes. Mages never cried. At least, not where people could see them. It ruined the image. He'd see his class again. After all, Vivio-san and the other Power Rangers had returned home. So would they…

Wiping the last of the tears away, he adjusted his glasses and tried to gain the other him's attention through the window of the back door. Evangeline noticed him, of course, the vampire raising an eyebrow when she saw him and smirking. He tried to mime for her to get the other him's attention, but the smirk only widened, and she deliberately turned away, looking less bored now, and patently ignoring him.

He sighed. The master never made things easy, either. He crept around to the front classroom door, standing well back at the opposite side of the hallway from it as he did so, waving to get his other self's attention without attracting the rest of the class.

Negi still didn't notice him, but through the glass, Erebus saw the wispy, transparent form of Sayo did. She blinked her wide, innocent red eyes and raise her hand for attention, the ghostly appendage passing through Asakura next to her, who shivered, turning to look at the empty seat. Sayo paid this no mind, waving for Negi's attention and gesturing towards the door towards Erebus. Negi glanced at Sayo, as if not sure what he was seeing— Erebus remembered Sayo was hard to see unless you were used to the trick of how— and looked to tbe door. His eyes widened as he saw Erebus, who waved the papers in his hands.

Negi sprang for the door, opening it a crack and sticking his head out. "What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"Sorry," Erebus said. "It's just that I found these papers under the table and figured you'd need them." He handed them over.

Negi took them awkwardly in one hand. "Thanks. But now you need to g—"

The door slid open forcefully, revealing Ayaka in all her terrifying elegance. "Oh ho ho ho ho ho hou!" she ojou-laughed. "Why, who is this sensei? Aren't you going to introduce her to us?"

Both Negis froze. Train as he might to dodge magic and attacks on instinct, something about social confrontation still turned Erebus to rock, especially if one of his students— or in this case, a reasonable facsimile thereof, as Luna had once proved— was involved.

In the classroom, Erebus saw Asuna, Chisame, Misa, Matoi, Sakurako and Misora facepalm.

Erebus didn't say anything, feeling the tension of the scene. How was he supposed to answer that…?

And then Asakura turned away from Sayo's seat and focused on him as the rest of the class craned their heads to see better. "Hey!" the paparazzi said. "Aren't you the girl who was with Negi-sensei yesterday?"

Ayaka blinked, recognition seeming to fill her eyes. That surprised Erebus, on some level. Ayaka hadn't made use of her information sources until AFTER Mahorafest…

Other students were crowding around the door now, in true 3-A fashion.

"Ah!" Konoka gushed. "She's so cute!"

"Aru?" Ku Fei said.

"Who is she?" Fumika asked, peering over her sister's shoulder for a better look.

In the back, standing next to her desk, Chao frowned, a nagging worry tugging at her mind. For some reason, she was thinking of an iteration where the class had gone to China to see some springs for their fieldtrip instead of Kyoto…

And Hakase opened her big mouth. "She's Nelly Springfield, Negi's cousin from Wales," she spouted loyally as Chisame had drilled into her two nights before for meeting Sora. "She's also his fiancé."

Everyone froze. The Negis paled. Ayaka's face started to twitch. Konoka gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. Nodoka, Yue and Natsumi all felt their hearts breaking into a thousand pieces. Evangeline grinned a wide, shit-eating grin, and pulled a box of Fiddle-Faddle from her desk, popping the top and leaning back to eat as she watched the show. Chao's jaw dropped, eyes bugging out.

" **'SCOOP!-!-!-!-!** '" Haruna and Asakura both cried.

"Do you want me to throw the big-mouth out the window, Chisame-sama?" Matoi asked darkly.

"Ask me again in a few hours", Chisame groaned.

After that, time seemed to sort of freeze for a moment. You know that feeling. It's what happens when you see a priceless glass antique about to crash against the floor, or when you see a car about to hit you. Then time seems to hit the slow motion button, and although you can't do anything to react in time, you still can perceive every useless detail around yourself before reality kicks back in.

As the girls zeroed in noisily all around him, Erebus noticed the absence of one of the most vocal pupils in the whole class. Makie-san was missing from the scene, and now he thought about it, so were Ako and Yuuna. Akira shuffled tiredly at the back of the group, looking as if she hadn't slept at all last night. "What did you say...? Finances...?"

"Fiancée, Akira-chan! Fiancée!" Kazumi grinned, right before producing a microphone and pushing it towards Erebus' face. "Wow, you're a real cutie! Tell us, how long have you been engaged?"

"This-This must be some kind of sick prank!" Ayaka sputtered. "Kasuga-san!"

Misora gawked. "When did I become the collective scapegoat for anything unusual?-!"

"As early as Chapter One," Zazie whispered from the back of the classroom. No one heard her.

"W-We aren't engaged!" Negi shouted, sweating bucketfuls of ice.

"Y-Yes! I mean, I mean we oppose that decision!" Erebus babbled, trying to hold on to the cover story despite everything.

"We aren't in love!" Negi added.

"Definitely not! It... It was our parents' decision, but we aren't going with it!" his counterpart elaborated.

"WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MARRY EACH OTHER!" they chorused.

"Oh my God, they're SO tsundere about each other! It MUST be true love!" Haruna gushed.

Yue gave her a mildly exasperated look. "Stop thinking we're living in some sort of half-baked harem manga, Paru!"

Zazie gave a brief, impassive side glance at the audience.

"We've lost him!" Fuuka grieved.

Misa tried to laugh. "D-Don't jump to conclusions, girls! I know for sure Negi-kun means it when he says he won't marry this girl!"

Kazumi hummed roguishly. "And how are you so sure about that, Misa-chan?"

"Yeah," Madoka said. "It's weird to see you so trusting and calm, after this..."

"Ha-ha-hah!" Misa laughed, a hand on her chest. "Of course I knew about this from long before! And that's because..." You could have heard a drum roll then, and Misa ignored the panicked gazes from the other Pactio partners before saying, "... because **I** am Negi-kun's girlfriend!-!"

The other Pactio partners facefaulted.

Ayaka only scowled. "Your typical delusions won't help here, Kakizaki-san."

"Yeah, get real," Fuuka told her. "We're facing a serious issue here!"

Misa blinked. "What's so bogus about my story?-!"

"It's the same thing you try to tell us all the time,"Madoka observed.

"Gah!" Misa gasped aloud. "You Judas! Backstabber! _SOS Brigade member!_ "

Everyone gasped.

"Too far, Misa," Madoka said, lips quavering. She burst into tears.

"Just sit down and shut up, Kakizaki!" Chisame shouted.

Haruna laughed again. "Well, even if they're fiancés, it's not a big deal! At first, my grandparents had engaged Dad and Auntie Akane in marriage, but eventually, true love through blackmail and mutual loathing-turned-dark-passion succeeded, and Dad married Mom instead!"

Ayaka looked about to pop a vein off. "Didn't they all end up in shameful co-habitation under the same roof?"

"Shameful is such an ugly word," Haruna shrugged. "Please call it 'not so innocent cohabitation' in my presence, Iincho."

"... Can you teach us about those techniques of blackmail and mutual loathing-turned-dark-passion, Paru-chan?" Fuuka asked.

"Nee-chan!" Fumika's eyes ballooned up.

"What?" her twin replied. "No low is too low in war or love!"

"Ara ara," Chizuru put a hand on her right cheek. "Foreigners sure can have strange customs at time. It reminds me of what Kimura Kaere-sempai told me once about marriage customs in her homeland... I still can't figure out how do aardvarks and unicycles fit into a wedding night..."

"We're really not marrying. Seriously..." Negi still claimed, rather pitifully.

Ayaka seemed to recover herself. "Everyone!" she cried. "Cease this ruckus immediately! We are wasting valuable time. We should be planning our trip to Kyoto!"

"Ah, yes, I'd better be going back to the dorms," Erebus said, ducking his head. He bowed deeply. "I'm sorry for the bothersome interruption!"

_In another classroom, Ai, dreamily recalling her contract of the previous day, sneezed. "I'm sorry for spreading my unworthy germs!"_

"I'll see you later… Negi-kun," Erebus finished hesitantly, still unused to using the address himself.

"HAH!" Haruna gushed. "'Not like each other' my foot… Sorry, the act is good, but not good enough! My observant ears can hear the slight hesitation when you call him 'Negi-kun'! Clearly, you're trying to stop yourself from calling him some other, more intimate pet name!"

"WHAT KIND OF INSANE TROLL LOGIC IS THAT?-!-?-!-?" Chisame and Asuna cried.

_Somewhere in her own class, Minako sneezed._

"Still, you can't fault us for finding this interesting, Iinchou," Chao said lightly, her tone clashing with the intensity in her eyes. "After all, we know so little about sensei! To find he not only has a cousin who came all this way to visit him, but is his fiancé too, yo— !"

_Somewhere, Lee Syaoran and Meilin sneezed. Then they got back to what they were doing…_

Erebus turned to meet her gaze. Complicated feelings arose. Loss, regret, uncertainty… He knew her plot now, knew what stakes she played for. Should he…?

No. Not now.

He forced himself to smile mischievously. It was surprisingly easy. Must be from his father. "Maybe I'm not really Negi-kun's cousin," he said. "Maybe I'm actually a princess from a distant magical kingdom that Negi rescued and is helping hide? Or maybe I'm actually Negi's clone, here to take his place! Or I might even be his descendant from Mars, using my magic key to travel back in time!"

Chao froze.

Haruna laughed. "Cheeky kid. Don't try to play BS with me! I can top anything you can dish out!"

Erebus just smiled wider. "I would be so sure of that… see you at dinner, Negi-kun!"

They watched him leave.

"Well," Negi said, holding his missing papers. "Moving on…"

Chao sat down hard as she tried to figure out what in the hell just happened…

...

"Lunch is ready!" Konoka said.

"Here, let me help you, Oujo-sama," Setsuna said, helping Konoka with the dishes.

Chisame began to deactivate her programs as her robots Chitose and Mint began preparing the table. "So, you baited Chao," she said to Negi.

He nodded, looking embarrassed. "I really shouldn't have done that. It wasn't nice."

"Plus it probably tipped her off that something was going on," Asuna said dryly as she opened the door to let in the librarians and Kuro.

"All right!" Haruna cried. "Konoka cooking!"

Kuro took a deep breath. "Ooh! Nice! Smells almost as good as Onii-chan's cooking!"

Setsuna glared indignantly.

Konoka laughed easily. "I'd have to agree. Shiro-san does cook better than me." Her eyes twinkled. "He'll make someone a wonderful wife someday."

Kuro glared. "Hey! That's my joke!"

As everyone got seated, Asuna rang her bells. "All right! I call this meeting of Ala Alba to order!"

Kuro coughed. "Actually, my presence upgrades this into an Association meeting, so as ranking Association executive, Calculator is in charge."

"As ranking Association Exec, I'm having Asuna conduct this meeting, " Chisame said blandly, accepting a bowl of rice from Konoka. "Now let me eat."

Kuro shrugged. "Hey, as senior information officer, it's in my best interest to make people respect officers."

"Can we move on?" Asuna said, accepting her own bowl. "All right. We've been trying not to think about this since we realized where we were, but since it's official we're going to Kyoto, there's no ignoring it now."

"Kosmo Entelekhia," Nodoka said quietly. "And Fate-san."

"What's Reaper-chan got to do with this?" Kuro asked.

"No, the other Fate, Kuro-san," Yue said dryly.

"Oh, right, the one who works at your school," she said. "You know, it was a a good thing he was abroad when the Wolkenritter attacked Mahora. They might have gotten him, and from what I heard, that might have killed him."

"Regardless, " Negi said, trying to keep his hair from falling on his food. "When we encounter him at Kyoto, we need to decide on how we proceed."

"As the girl who uses weaponized Third Magic regularly, I have to ask why you think this world will turn out the same as our own," Kuro said. "After all, there are substantial changes. That Itoshiki guy is Ala Rubra, for crying out loud! Fate might be dead here."

Negi grimaced at that. "Well, you have a point there."

"Besides, why are we worrying?" Kuro said. "From what Konoka-san says, things are less tense with Kanto here. Maybe nothing bad will happen."

They all looked at each other and laughed.

"Okay, seriously, what's the plan?" Asuna said.

Haruna whipped out her Artifact. "Well, as it happens, I have this plan worked out…"

"NO!" Yue and Chisame cried.

"Oh, come on! It's a legitimate plan!"

"Are tentacles involved?"

"Of course!"

" ** _NO!-!-!-!-!_** " everyone reiterated.

Haruna huffed. "Twilight fans."

Everyone gasped.

"Too far, Haruna, " Chisame said. "Too far."

Haruna bowed her head. "Sorry."

"Negi-sensei, " Yue said. "I suggest we monitor the situation. If anything develops, we should be able to handle it."

"But should we?" Kuro said philosophically. "After all, this was a highly important stage of your development. It led you into becoming the people you are now. If we interfere, this might lead to them becoming weaker and unprepared for later problems."

Yue glared at her. "I'm the one who asks difficult, existential questions in this group."

"Sorry."

"Does this mean we shouldn't tell them about Chao either?" Negi said, frowning.

"We took her down!" Haruna reminded him.

"Barely, " Chisame said. "Maybe we can help them somehow, pay Tatsumiya _not_ to work for her?"

"Got a few million yen?" Setsuna said.

"Hey, this is pretty good, Konoka-san, "Kuro said.

"Thanks. I got the recipe from your brother."

...

**Consequences.**

"— Makie-san?" she knocked again. "Akashi-san? Izumi-san? I repeat: Are you okay?"

She got no answer, to her growing concern, so she took the plunge and turned the key in the lock. Hopefully, they were still locked up in the bedroom...

Ayaka warily peeked in, and recoiled back when she saw all three of them sitting around the table, now fully clothed, and looking actually kind of miserable. At least Yuuna and Ako; Makie only looked confused and pouting, like a puppy who has just been kicked aside without understanding the reason.

Much to the heiress' relief, she quickly noticed she wasn't feeling any different now. So she spoke, tentatively. "Oh. Good afternoon, everyone. Then, um, I suppose the drink's effects have subsided, haven't they?"

Yuuna nodded jerkily, voicing an unstable grumble. "Yeah. Pretty much."

"Oh, I see," Ayaka tried to smile. "That's good to hea—"

Ako stood up without looking at anyone, speaking in a stilted and shaky tone. "I-I really should be going. Akira must be worried about me. I... I'll see you all later..."

"Ako..." Makie tried to say something, but the words died in her throat as she saw the nurse quickly going out, with her face lowered and a hand on her own chest. Makie turned to Akashi almost despairingly. "Yuuna-chan..."

"I think I must go too, Makie, Iincho," the basketball player sighed, rising on still slightly wobbly legs. "W-we'll talk about this sometime, okay? Right now, I don't want to do anything but sleep for hours..."

"Akashi-san," Ayaka still tried to stop her, her voice much softer than usual. "I... I'm really sorry about this all. It's my fault, after all. I have failed you in my responsibilities to keep you all in the... right path. I mean, not in the 'same gender' sense, but in the 'still too young' sense!" she clarified, not really noticing she probably was only making Yuuna feel even worse. "If there's something, anything, I can do to make up for it, I'll gladly agree on it..."

"No. Of course there isn't anything you can do," Yuuna said bitterly before shaking her head. "No, I mean it. Not to insult you, Iincho. It was our own fault. Not like you had that thing on open display or pushed it down our throats. Don't worry about it! We won't tell anyone."

"That isn't what worries me!" Ayaka claimed. "It's your wellbeing that concerns me! As your Class Representative, and yes, even your friend, I just can't brush past this just because I wasn't the one hit with it! I really want to help you, because I know you must need help!"

"And I told you, there's nothing you can do to help us!" Yuuna shouted back. "Iincho, sometimes there are things even your money and power can't fix, okay?" She exhaled, her shoulders slumping down. "Sorry. I'm taking this out on you, although I know it's my own fault, like I said. But it's true, there's nothing that can fix this now. Makie, I'm really sorry."

"Y-You don't have to be!" the gymnast argued. "Look, I found the bottle, even though I shouldn't have been looking through Iincho's things!"

"I was the first one to drink, and told you two to follow me," Akashi sulked. "I'm an idiot, Makie-chan."

"No, I'm the idiot, remember?" Makie took a step towards her. "Don't feel bad, Yuuna-chan! I hold nothing against you!"

Yuuna took a step back, as if by instinct. Makie noticed, and stopped immediately, looking up at her with huge, wounded eyes.

The professor's daughter swallowed hard. "W-We'll discuss that later, Makie-chan," she repeated her earlier statement, turning around abruptly and stomping out. "H-Have a nice day, you two!"

Makie's eyes watered as she saw her walking out of sight. Behind her, Ayaka had sat down massaging her temples. "Asuna-san's right," she whispered. "I _am_ an idiot..."

"Why is everyone trying to take that spot from me?-!" Makie rubbed her eyes with a hand. "I was the screw-up one! Again. Now… Now Yuuna and Ako will hate me, I'm sure..."

"They won't hate you. They're your friends," Ayaka tried to comfort her. It didn't sound too convincing this time, even for Makie.

"I... I just don't know what to do. Are they going to be that scared of what... we did forever?" she asked.

"Most probably not," Ayaka attempted to offer.

"Are they that disgusted because they actually don't like me that much?" Makie wondered.

"I'm very sure they don't like you _that_ way, but they love you a lot all the same..." the blonde observed.

Makie's small fists tightened at her sides. "I liked doing that, Iincho. I wouldn't regret doing it… except that it made them so sad."

Ayaka lifted an eyebrow. "Hm. Well, that is—"

"Because I felt loved in a way I never felt before, Iincho," Makie said, almost in mouthfuls for air, her breath erratic, panting to keep the tears at bay. "And now, I don't know if they really felt any of that too, or it was only a lie. I hadn't ever thought of them that way, but as it happened, it was as if it always had been meant to be, you know? And now... and now I feel so bad inside, and I'm so afraid I lost them forever, even as friends, and— and—"

And then she felt Ayaka hugging her, motherly, rocking her back and forth in her arms, against herself. "Makie-san. I know you drive me crazy with your antics, and your lack of common sense, and your overt violations of logics, but you're one of the best people I've ever met. I'm honored of being your fr— roommate. I don't want to see you beating yourself up over this. Let's chalk it to a shared responsibility, but not to a guilt, okay? I'm sure Akashi-san and Izumi-san will eventually realize that, and you'll be as good friends as you were before," she said, despite doubting it herself. Sometimes, she began to realize, some lies were necessary.

Makie sobbed, leaning against the taller girl. "Promise?"

"A Yukihiro's word," she nodded firmly.

_Please forgive me, Father._

And Makie hugged back. "Thank you very much, Iincho."

A soft hand petted her pink hair. "You can call me Ayaka if you want."

She noticed Makie was tired, very tired, starting to doze off in her arms. She suppose she shouldn't be surprised. Judging from how ripe Makie was they'd gone the WHOLE 24 hours, on top of the time she'd already been awake. That was a long time. Ayaka carried her to her bed, helped her into her pajamas, and tucked her under the blankets. Then she went to the kitchenette and prepared herself some dinner. She ate without too much enthusiasm. She re-read _The Little Prince_ while waiting to feel sleepy herself.

It was late when Ayaka finally crawled into her own bed. In the bunk below, Makie still slept, much more troubled in her rest than usual.

Ayaka turned down the lights and wondered why things were both blessings and curses so often, before drifting down into slumber.

...

"Why did you want to see me?" Chao asked, still not looking back at her. She was too busy checking several different lists on her main computer, running complex data analyses and comparisons at a breakneck speed, despite which she never seemed to be about to finish.

Yuuna was blunt, closing the secret meeting room's door behind herself and sitting down, mumbling, "I think Iincho knows about magic."

Chao stopped briefly. "Does this have something to do with your absence from classes today?" she asked, taking a sip of her tea. It was a Springfield thing.

"I..." Akashi gathered as much breath as she could before admitting, "I was making love with Ako and Makie all day long."

Chao spat her green tea all over the keyboard. Then she finally looked at Yuuna. "You did what?-!"

"Blame Iincho!" the basketball player tugged on her hair. "She had this bottle hidden, and Makie stupidly grabbed it, and I stupidly drank from it, and Makie and Ako drank too!" She put her head in her hands and groaned. "Ugh! I was _SO_ ** _STUPID!_** "

"So you've said repeatedly." Chao's curiosity rose. "Love Potion?"

Yuuna nodded, sporting a haunted expression. "I think so. Iincho tried to say it was something her scientists invented, but I'm not buying that. That wasn't an experimental bottle like the ones you keep in your lab, it was more like something out of a fairy tale."

Lingshen crossed her legs and hummed. "You remember Valentine's Day, don't you?"

"As much as I tried to forget it, yeah. I knew it! It's the same thing that happened then!"

"I'm sorry," Chao sounded sincere, although not heartbroken at all. "It must be difficult for you, after..."

"Akira," Yuuna sighed, with her hands on her own temples. "Other-Akira."

"Yep. By the way, I think there's an incident that may be related to... that. Today, a girl around Sensei's age showed up during class, claiming to be his fiancé . Oh, and cousin too. Go figure."

Yuuna blinked, startled. "No way!"

"You're right. No way," Chao said, with a short nod. Yuuna realized only now she hadn't used a single 'ne' or 'yo' during this whole talk. She really _was_ serious now. "I have reliable files on Sensei's childhood and relatives..."

"Can I see them?"

"No. Anyway, there is no mention at all of any Nelly Springfield, cousin and fiancé to Sensei. She was lying. Additionally, the fact she was almost his exact doppelganger makes me even more suspicious. I'm afraid not all of the transdimensional anomalies have been corrected."

Yuuna cringed. Dear God, if _any_ of the people from _that_ universe she had visited was here...

"You say you think that girl's..."

"It's only a preliminary theory. I'll need to run more checks on it. In the meantime, I'll also look into Iincho's case." And she almost sighed. She missed Hakase's help so much, and she needed someone to fill that vacancy...

"You have any idea how she could know about magic?" Yuuna asked.

"Maybe she only happened to find that bottle. There are some unscrupulous stores that aren't above selling actual magical items to mundanes. If you ever run into a place run by a man named Urahara, avoid it if you value—"

"My honor? My decency? My virginity? My sense of self-worth? All those are gone now!" Yuuna groaned.

"Believe me, there are far worse things than what you've done," Chao said.

"As such?"

"You haven't slept with your father yet, have you?"

"Point. Thanks, I already feel better."

"Regardless, Iincho might be ignorant about the whole picture. Her family is fully mundane, although..."

"Although?"

"I'll look into her servants' backgrounds again. There might be an explanation there."

"Come on. Why would someone who knows magic stoop to serve mere mortals?"

"I serve tables for you 'mere mortals'."

"Okay, but that isn't the same thing..."

"And your father worked for simple, mundane schools for a while..."

"Yeah, but... Wait, exactly how much do you know about our families?"

"As much as I need to know. Relax, from what I've gathered recently, _your_ mother was never seen for long in company of that Donet-san, so I doubt _they_ were lovers in _this_ world..."

"Great, so I'm the only one in the family who sleeps around a lot. No, really, _that_ comforts me, which only shows how low I've fallen. At least I won't get pregnant, I guess. Then, what do I do from here?"

"I want you to keep a close eye on Iincho during the whole trip, just in case."

"Why don't you ask Makie? She's her roommate, they're a lot closer..."

"And you know how reliable Sasaki-san is, especially after **this** , don't you?"

"Fine, you got me! I'm not glad I'll have to stay so close to Makie, but what the heck... At least she won't look at me with those huge wounded, sad, regretful eyes Ako put on after we regained our wits..."

She stood up and walked back for the door. "By the way, Chao..."

"Yep?"

"You're, somehow, hella creepy sounding when you aren't all cheerful and spouting Nes and Yos."

"Yep, I've been told that before..."

...

Misora stepped out of the shower rubbing her hair dry with a towel, seeing Cocone filling out yet another report with a softly mortified expression. Additionally, Nodoka and Yue were going over their notes on 'their' Evangeline's state, plus the possible arrangements if they really need to go to Kyoto. "Hey," she noticed, "Where's Haruna?"

"She said she'd go take a stroll because she felt tired of being indoors all the time," Valkyrie Black said. "But it's most likely to escape doing any actual work here."

 _Crap,_ Misora thought. _She took my excuse._

"Are you sure she won't get into any messes wandering around?" she asked after that.

"Well, she knows the area..." Nodoka said.

"I'd be far more worried about her getting anyone else into a mess," Yue shared. "Though the last time she was out of our sight in a strange place, she ended up with an airship…"

Elsewhere, Chibi-Deathnote Paru-sama followed her local counterpart from a distance with a merry skip in her step. Haruna could tell there was a very cute child following her, thanks to years of training under a father weirdly plagued by constant stalkers, and an aunt who never had a shortage of demented suitors. But she paid her no mind. Frankly, if such a pretty little thing had a crush on her, she felt nothing but flattered. Of course, she didn't go for any kids but Negi-sensei, so she'd have to tell her to wait a few years more, but...

The taller Haruna stopped before a high school classroom, much to Deathnote's curiosity. She opened the door and stepped in with a loud "YOO-HOOOO! RITO-KUUUUN!-!-!" Feel free to add a heart to the end of said sentence.

One of the students gathered inside working on the schedule for the trip perked up. He was a thin boy with bright orange hair. "Haruna-chan! Wh-What are you doing here?"

"We ended our preparations early, so I came here to see if I could be of any help!" she chirped, bouncing up and down to his side, then jumping on him, hugging him around the neck and shoulders and planting a loud wet smack on his lips.

The rest of the classroom fell into a sudden shocked silence.

From her peeking place at the door, Deathnote's eyebrows rose.

The tall shapely girl with long black hair who had met Ayaka in the 3-A classroom the day before stood up, slamming both hands on her desk. Hall Monitor Kotegawa Yui. "RITO-SAN! What do you think you're doing, engaging in this behavior in school?-!"

Rito, turned into a crimson human popsicle, stammered incoherently as Haruna pulled her mouth back, swallowing a thick bridge of saliva linking their lips. All the boys gulped, and there was a mass seating and crossing of legs. "Ah! You must be Kotegawa-sempai!" she greeted the livid monitor. "Hello! Rito-kun has told me a lot about you!" She began to point at random faces across the classroom. "And you must be Saruyama-kun, and you you're Risa-chan and Mio-chan, and you're Mikado-sensei, and Ren-kun..."

The tall, busty teacher with short reddish hair smiled, a bit interested herself. "My, my. You're a 3-A student, aren't you?"

"Saotome Haruna, ma'am!" Haruna saluted with a huge grin. "Rito-kun's girlfriend!"

The boy with black spiky hair standing near Rito made a spit-take.

"Girlfriend?-!" Yui eeped.

A girl with short wavy sandy blond hair smiled rather creepily with a perverted glint in her eyes. Next to her, a shorter girl with dark brown hair made in pigtails had her glasses shining in a very scary way, sporting a disturbing grin of her own. "Why, Rito-kun...!" they chorused.

The tiny Haruna still unnoticed at the door blinked. A boyfriend? She had gotten herself a boyfriend here? That was... unexpected. She quite didn't know what to think of it right then.

So she kept on watching and listening silently, to learn all she could on such a curious situation...

A shame she couldn't spread rumors on herself.

Or could she?

...

**Genius by Day…**

"Oh, Hakase-san," Dr. Akagi said, watching her walk in, and stopped taking notes from her latest experiment for a moment. "Have you been okay? You didn't come yesterday, and that's highly unusual. We tried to call you, but it seems you had turned your phone off. Were you sick, or something like that?"

The girl with the braids blinked. "Didn't I leave a note telling you all about that?"

"No, you didn't," Misato-san said from where she sat sipping a cup of coffee, lazily writing her own report for her superiors.

Hakase frowned, deep in thought. "No, I'm rather sure I did..." Then, struck by inspiration, she rummaged through the pockets of her lab coat and pulled out a crumpled note, showing it to both women. "See? I knew it!"

"... You should've left it here, genius!" Misato-san's protégée Asuka snorted, sitting at the sidelines taking notes of her own for her next school project. Often, it was easy to forget the cynical, vitriolic and typically beautiful young foreigner was somewhere low in the Top 15 of the best students in the whole Academy, adding smarts to her looks. It was just she showed no interest on associating with Chao and Hakase, but at times, she showed a rather deep insight into their proceedings.

Hakase seemed to deflate. "Oh. You're right, of course, Shikinami-san. My apologies."

"My last name's Soryu!" Asuka barked. "For the last time, stop calling me 'Shikinami'! Where the heck did you get that name, anyway?"

"I have no idea," Hakase scratched the back of her head and shrugged. "Well, I only came here to retrieve a few of my notes to read through the trip, and, um, to say goodbye as well."

"Thanks, that's very kind of you," Misato smiled. "I remember last year, you forgot it before going to Hokkaido."

"I did?" Satomi looked absent. "Oh. Well, sorry if I did. I'll see you all in a week!" She turned and began walking back for the door.

"A-HEM!" Ritsuko gasped.

Satomi looked at her curiously. "Is there something wrong with your throat, Akagi-sensei?"

"Didn't you come for your notes?" Asuka snarled, pointing with a pen at the hideous, ill smelling mess of Hakase's desk at the room's other side.

"Oh! That's right. Thanks!" The smaller girl waddled over to it, looking through a few test tubes, several pounds of discarded machinery, a dozen of books, seven discarded Chachamaru limbs, two panties, a grappling hook, and nine laser guns before finding her notes and tucking them under an arm. "Now, have a nice week!" she laughed dumbly, running for the door. Sighing, Asuka picked a few sheets that fell off and handed them back to her. Satomi thanked her with a nod. "Just remember, feed the lab mice at least twice a day! Brain-sama likes manchego cheese and port wine, while Pinky-san favors cheddar and Kool-Aid! Oh, and Mojo-san actually prefers oranges to bananas!"

"We know, Hakase-san. Relax and enjoy yourself," the bottle blonde smiled.

"And never touch the red button on the atomic decompression machine!" Hakase warned.

"We won't!" Misato promised.

"And remember to call me if we get any contact signals from alien life!" Satomi demanded.

"Yes, we'll be sure of calling you if alien Angels invade us and we need you to build giant robots for us to pilot!" Asuka almost pushed her out the door. "Have a good time with your girlfriend and your kid boyfriend or whatever, okay?-!"

"H-he's not my boyfriend! I-it's not like I l-like him like that or anything!"

Then, once Hakase was on her way out still saying goodbyes to everyone she found on her way, the redhead plopped down back on her seat. "Sheesh! That geek always rubs me the wrong way! She looks like she just stepped out of a bad cartoon! And what's with being all tsundere like that?"

Misato laughed. "Oh, but she's improving! I think she's opening herself a lot more lately."

"Seriously?" Ritsuko asked.

"Yeah," her old friend replied. "Months ago, before that kid teacher moved in with her, she only talked to Chao, and she spent whole days locked up here. She could spend half a week without even remembering to bathe."

Asuka wrinkled her nose. "Don't remind me! What a pig!"

Katsuragi Misato kept on smiling fondly. "Now, however, Hakase-chan is acting more and more like a normal girl. She always shows up just bathed, actually goes back home for dinner, even smiles when she isn't finishing an experiment... I'm so glad for her."

Ritsuko nodded, seeming somewhat pleased as well. "I agree. All things are good in moderation, none in exaggeration."

"She's still a no-life nerd, if you ask me," Asuka sighed. "Now, if you could keep on working on that accelerator of molecular fusion? I was taking a few observations on its functioning when going past the 5, 000 mark..."

...

Negi and the Headmaster were alone in the latter's office after classes, the boy sitting with tense expectation before the old man's desk.

"I was told you were engaged, Negi-sensei!" Konoemon finally said, jovially. "Congratulations!

Negi let out a soft near-groan. "Please, Konoemon-sensei, don't..."

"Well, you must admit it, you'd hardly find someone who's as much of a match for you!" the Dean said. "They say a couple must act and think as if they were the same person, after all!"

"Believe me, there's such a thing as too much similarity in a couple," Negi began dabbling into deadpanning. A strong hint of Chisame's tone was noticeable in his words.

The old man chuckled. "It's good to see you're learning more about the world of mature relationships. But let's get serious." His voice shifted back to a more formal tone, and Negi was silently thankful. "I would like to ask you for a favor while you are in Kyoto."

"Anything, Sensei!"

"I'm not too sure if I already mentioned you this, actually..." the Dean rubbed his wrinkled forehead for a moment, "But there's a letter I'd like to have delivered to my son-in-law in Kyoto. Please, as soon as you meet him, could you give him this?" He handed Negi a heavily sealed envelope, full of official stamps and runes. "It concerns an extremely important matter that should be kept absolutely secret. As such, I beg you to make sure it remains completely closed and untouched until it reaches Eishun's hands. Could you do that for us?"

"Of course I will, Sir!" Negi didn't hesitate a single second.

"I thought so. But be very careful. While the magic associations aren't in conflict anymore, there always might be renegades trying to fan the old flames. Trust no one on your way there, boy."

"Sir, I'll defend this letter, and my students, with my own life!" Negi promised.

"Ho ho! That's what I like to hear from a teacher! Or a future husband. Are you really sure you won't marry that lovely cousin of yours?" the joking returned.

"... Absolutely not!"

"Well, in that case, are you free and available for Konoka-chan?"

"... Is that part of the joke as well, Sensei?"

"What do _you_ think, Negi-sensei?"

...

It was a rather pleasant sunny afternoon as Twilight Red and Calculator found themselves walking to Starbooks Coffee, hair dyed and age-pilled to unrecognizability.

Negi, and Itoshiki were already waiting there at a semi-private corner table. The taller man waved them over, mouth half-full of chocolate brownie and looking markedly less suicidal, depressed and angst than usual. Truly, the powers of chocolate were miraculous!

"Thank you for coming, girls," Negi said. "I'm sorry for making you come here, but Chisame-san and Satomi-san said they needed some space to pack."

"That explains why our Negi and Chachamaru are off beating the crap out of each other," Asuna said.

Itoshiki shook his head, though more gently than usual. "I still can't believe he can fight on an even field with your Karakuri-san."

"Not really," Chisame said. "He cheats his ass off with magic boosts."

"Ah," Itoshiki said. "Like a true Mage!"

"Should we really be talking about things here?" Negi said, looking around. "It's… sort of public, isn't it?"

"I've cast a spell that makes people here something else if they get close," Itoshiki said, taking another bite. His smile widened. "They'll hear us talking about your marital arrangements."

Negi blushed. "We're not getting married!"

"I sense a running gag coming along," Asuna said.

"Can we get back to business, please?" Negi said. He shuffled his papers. "Um, all right. The headmaster has approved you coming with us to Kyoto, but we need to finalize other arrangements. I believe we can have McDowell-san take Evangeline-san's place in class, but we need to decide how to bring the rest of you along. Each train car has been reserved for a class and staff, but the headmaster wants you close at hand in case of… things."

"Can't say, 'In case Eva-chan goes batshit nuts,' can you?" Asuna teased.

"Aren't there chaperones?" Chisame said. "Can't we just slip one of our people in disguise in with them? It will allow them a degree of freedom while giving them a reason to stay close."

"A good, if blindingly obvious, suggestion, Hasegawa-san," Itoshiki said. "Who though? I doubt you have sufficient disguise ability to make any member of Ala Alba unrecognizable as _anyone_ other than an older version of themselves."

Chisame smiled darkly. "Well, it's a good thing we have someone who's _not_ Ala Alba, isn't it?"

Negi snapped his fingers. "Kuro-san! She's not part of the class, so she should be unrecognizable. If these age-change pills work as well for her, she should be able to pass as an adult!"

"Well, physically, anyway," Calculator said.

Asuna frowned. "Where IS she, anyway?

...

"Go away! Leave us alone!" Alissa cried, pulling Suzuka along with her.

That new girl just skipped along, smiling like a cat. "Now girls, experimenting with other girls is perfectly acceptable! Come on, let's play 'Doctor'! Or 'House'! Or 'Doctor House'!"

_Somewhere, Fuura Kafuka (might not be her real name) sneezed. "Ah! Someone is using a Call Back about me!"_

"Leave us alone, you pervert!" Alissa shouted behind her as they passed Tomoyo and Sakura. "Run you two! It's that weird girl again!"

Sakura blinked in confusion as Tomoyo smiled her saintly, mysterious smile©, hands inside her back. As Kuro passed by them, she skidded to a halt. The sudden sound confused Alissa, who looked back to see what was happening and promptly tripped, falling in a heap with Suzuka. Panty-shots ensued.

"Good day, miss," Kuro said in as an inoffensive, nonprovocative voice as she could, smiling benignly.

"Oh, hello, stranger-san," Sakura said, confused but being a naturally nice.

"Good bye, miss," Kuro said, bowing and shuffling sideways from her, the Archer's gaze locked onto Tomoyo. Tomoyo made a permissive gesture and took her hands from her bag, zipping it shut over the butt of a derringer.

Kuro turned and ran again. Alissa and Suzuka, having untangled themselves, cried out and beat it.

A girl skipped past, crying, "Poemi wants to be a voice-actress writers-sama! Make Kobayashi a voice-actress! And give her a magical girl subplot! And—!"

Alissa and Suzuka slammed into her sending her flying. A moment later, Kuro skipped over her prone form.

"Director…" Poemi gasped and died.

_Do not fear, Poemi-chan. I, the Will of the Macrocosm…_

A girl stepped out of the building, blinking and looking around in confusion. "Alissa-chan? Suzuka-chan?"

"NANOHA! **_RUN!-!-!-!-!"_** her friends cried.

Kuro's eyes went wide, and she skidded to a stop as her prey ran behind Nanoha to hide behind her. She managed to regain her balance as Nanoha directed a glare at her, pointing. "Hey! You there! Why are you—?"

She never got to finish.

 ** _"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!-!-!-!-! Not the face!-!-!-!-!"_** Kuro screamed, pointing at her in terror. **_"G-G-GREEN DEVIL!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"_**

She turned and ran, still screaming.

Nanoha blinked in confusion. "What was _that_ about?"

Off to the side, Cocone rolled her eyes.

...

"As for the rest of Ala Alba," Itoshiki said, "since you won't be with the rest of the class, your disguises should be enough."

"Nodoka might be a problem, though," Asuna said. "Loli or older, Nodoka still looks like Nodoka."

"I think I can handle that," Chisame mused. "She just needs the right clothes…"

"This isn't going to be a gratuitous and fanservicey makeover sequence, is it?" Asuna asked.

"Depends on taste, I suppose," Chisame said.

_Somewhere, Nodoka felt an ominous shiver…_

"Well, that's it, I suppose," Itoshiki said. "You'll be staying at the same inn as 3-A so you can keep an eye on your Evangeline." He smiled mischievously, a look that made quite young and easygoing. "Negi and his fiancée will be allowed to stay in the same room."

"We're not really getting married, darn it!" Negi cried tearfully.

...

Evangeline glared at the other her across the crafts table they were making dolls on (ages old vampires needed non-sexual hobbies too, after all). "You're leaving me?-!"

McDowell swung her nose away. The air went 'TSUN'. "I-it's not l-like I want to or anything. But apparently whatever is making me sing is in Kyoto, and we have to find out what it is!"

"And you want to take my spot on the field trip to do it," Evangeline said blandly. "Do you realize how long it took me to establish my record of perfect absences?"

McDowell gave her an even blander look.

"Oh, right."

The Chachamarus were having their own talk.

"Please watch out for Negi-sensei for me," Karakuri said. "If you require screwing and the Master is unavailable, all members of Ala Alba are versed in the procedure." She took out her White Wing badge. "Should you need to track anyone, they all possess a beacon transmitting at this frequency."

Chachamaru noted the signal and nodded.

"And also, if you can avoid it, do not allow yourself to be bisected at the torso," Karakuri continued. "Mother, mother and the Master find that highly upsetting."

Chachamaru nodded. "Please bring extra milk when you feed the cats. One of them is pregnant and needs additional nutrition."

"I understand," Karakuri said. "Please maintain combat readiness at all times."

Chachamaru did her equivalent of an inquisitive frown. "What degree of combat readiness is advisable?"

Karakuri considered. "Negi-sensei might be killed by a High Ancient wide-area spell at any moment. Either that or stabbed through the chest by a supersonic projectile."

Chachamaru considered that. "Over my cold, devastated chassis."

Karakuri nodded approvingly.

...

Chibi Deathnote began to take notes as she watched her local counterpart laughing and chatting with all the girls in the class, answering their questions no matter how compromising or just plain dumb they were, much to the embarrassment of the boy standing next to her.

"— no, we haven't done it yet! We're giving ourselves our time, okay?"

"— no, I haven't done it with anyone else, either! What you heard must be an exaggeration!"

"— no, I won't do it with you, either!"

"— yes, I * _do_ * write and draw * _those_ * doujinshi! Glad to see you're a fan! I also do commissions, you know!"

Rito looked like he wanted to faint.

Yui gave their teacher a mortified look. "Mikado-sensei, shouldn't you stop this and get our activities back on track?"

The young teacher only smiled. "Ah, it's only a short break, Kotegawa-san! What harm is there in it?"

Right then, the girl with sandy wavy short hair clamped her hands onto Haruna's chest from behind. "Oh dear, Rito-kun...! You naughty man, you! Behind all our backs, you went and got yourself a middle school girlfriend, and she's STACKED!"

A pale, livid Yui turned back to Mikado-sensei. "H-How indecent! Sensei, aren't you going to—" She deflated upon seeing the adult woman polishing her nails without a care in the world. "— Forget it."

Yui was about to step in herself and separate both involved parties when Haruna turned around with a wide, intimidating grin. She looked at Rito, pointing a finger at the girl. "Is this one of the teases?"

Rito gulped before swallowing helplessly.

"I see," Haruna's voice was perfectly calm and placid. "Well... Risa-san, right? I must tell you something. Your technique is all wrong. That's not how you grope a girl..."

The sempai frowned. "Ah, no?"

"No. _This_ is how you grope a girl."

And she lunged at her.

What followed was enough to make Deathnote feel an intense pang of pride, for the whole class to shiver, and for Rito to collapse on the spot. Even Mikado-sensei stopped treating her nails and stared on with huge eyes. The other boys discreetly reached for notebooks and other things to cover the stains on their pants.

"Is— Is this legal?-!" Yui squeaked, too shocked to even move.

A couple minutes later, as everyone tried to hide their nosebleeds and Risa fixed her shirt back somewhat humbly, the girl glanced sideways at the smugly smiling Haruna and admitted, "The Force is strong in you."

Deathnote giggled perversely. Now she was sure she'd need to have a few words with herself...

...

**Conflicting Interests**

"Haruna, we're waiting for you to—" Yue stopped in mid sentence. "Oh, good afternoon, Fujiyoshi-sempai, Tamura-san, Martin-san."

Once again, _they_ were fighting when Yue and Nodoka walked into the Manga Club.

"You're insane! Everyone knows Napple/Pine is the way to go!" Haruna shouted.

"Blasphemer! It's Pine/Napple, it can't be anything else!" Harumi yelled back.

"You have crappy tastes, Sempai!" Haruna protested. "Napple/Pine beats Pine/Napple silly any day of the week!"

"Hah! That pairing sucks as much as your insipid Dojo-based comparisons, Paru-chan! All true fans know all the canonical evidence points to Pine/Napple!" the older girl boasted.

"Your so-called evidence has been debunked by Word Of God!" Haruna said.

"All the in-panel evidence contradicts that statement, so I'm calling on Death Of The Author!" Harumi argued.

Nodoka blinked. "W-What kind of series are they discussing?"

"More importantly, why are they fighting at all?" Yue asked. "Aren't they both supporting the same couple?"

"Of course not, Ayase-sempai!" Tamura Hiyori was scandalized. "They aren't the same thing at all! Haruna-sempai supports Napple being the seme, while Harumi-sempai says Pine is the seme!"

Yue's right eyebrow twitched. "Haruna, you've made us wait for a full hour just to debate _this_?"

Haruna nodded. "It's a matter of honor!"

"Of which you have none!" Harumi pointed out.

"Shut up, girl with Big Brother Complex!"

"No, you shut up, girl with Father and Mother Complex!"

"Old man chaser!"

"Little boy chaser!"

"Fan of Macademi Wasshoi!"

"You said you liked Cosprayers!"

"Is this... like... this... every day here?" Nodoka asked weakly.

Hiyori and Patricia Martin nodded stoically.

"Personally, I prefer Pine/Cone or Napple/Italy," Patricia shared in a very, very low voice.

But not low enough to prevent both sempai fromjumping on the common enemy. "Silence, Het Fan!"

...

**Of Kitties and Ghosts:**

Someone knocked on the door of the eerily quiet Classroom of 3-F.

That made Sayo and Kiri lift their heads from the portable TV set they had been watching.

"Who's there?" the hikikomori asked. "Rukia?"

"It's me! Shiina Sakurako from Class 3-A!" the voice came from the outside. "May I come in, please?"

Sayo beamed a huge bright smile, recognizing her classmate's voice, but Komori still didn't move at all from her spot. "What do you want?" the shut-in asked.

A very brief pause. "I came to ask you a favor…"

"Really?" the pale, long haired girl lifted an eyebrow. What could a 3-A student of all people, other than Sayo, want of her? The curiosity was actually big enough to make her stand up, walk to the door and gasp, horror of horrors, peek outside, narrowing her eyes against the bright unwanted light from the outdoors. "What is it?"

Shiina smiled apologetically, holding up her arms loaded with three cats.

"… Ah?" Komori babbled.

"Well," Sakurako lowered her gaze, looking slightly bashful," As you may know, I'm about to go on a class trip to Kyoto, but I can't take Yoruichi-chan, Blair-chan and Felicia-chan with me. I tried to find them a place with someone, but looks like everyone else is leaving too…" Actually, she could have left them with Chachamaru, but Evangeline had started to scare her since she had learned of her vampiric condition, and she preferred not bothering them asking for her help. "I-I know we barely know each other, but you're the only person I know more or less well who is going to stay, so…"

Kiri shot her a flat stare. "So you want to use me as your kitty-sitter."

The cheerleader tried to negotiate. "I'd pay you very well…!"

Much to her surprise, however, Komori didn't refuse her petition, after a brief backward glance inside. During that moment, she consulted silently with Sayo, who only nodded eagerly. "Very well," Komori said. "I'll do it. We could use the company."

"We?" Sakurako blinked.

"Kuchiki-san often comes to visit," Kiri explained, guiding her inside, quickly closing behind her.

"Oh," Sakurako said as she walked near the kotatsu. Vaguely, she could almost make out a vague shape floating in the air above it, but she dismissed it as a trick of the room's quiet darkness. "You've made a very, ah, cozy place for yourself here, Komori-sempai!"

"Thanks," the barefooted girl said, sitting back down and pouring two cups of tea. "I like it here. In the silence and warmth. I think cats are okay to have around here, but I'd have to reject you if you had brought dogs. Dogs are too noisy, and they like to run outside…" She shuddered.

"Y-Yeah, of course!" Sakurako played along as Sayo felt a shiver run up her ectoplasmatic spine as one of the cats, the black furred lean one with sharp eyes, looked up directly at her, into her own eyes. There was something… _odd_ … about her. Then again, a lot of folklore about cats said they were magical, and the Egyptians considered them guardians of the dead, or so she'd heard in class. Maybe there was something to those stories…

"You sure you don't want to go with your class to Okinawa, Sempai?" the cheerleader asking while receiving her tea.

"No!" the shut-in gulped. "That place is too hot and sunny! And so wide, I'd die out of vertigo alone! I'd never go there, not even in a million years. Although…" she sighed," … It'll be a shame, missing the chance to see Itoshiki-sensei without a shirt on… But it's okay!" she recovered her enthusiasm. "Harumi-chan has promised me to bring me pictures!"

"That's great!" Sakurako smiled, even as deep inside, she felt just a little disgust at the mental image of a shirtless Despair-sensei. All those bony ribs showing through…

….

**Ghost of a Chance:**

Ayaka returned to the classroom a couple hours after the reunion, sneaking in once again. But this time, she found one of 3-F's students waiting for her there. At first, Ayaka couldn't quite remember who she was, but the extremely pale skin tipped her off quickly. The blanket around her shoulders had to be the shut-in.

"Oh. Hello... Komori-san, wasn't it?"

"Yes," the older girl nodded once, keeping her eerily quiet dark eyes on Ayaka.

"Well. It is certainly... unusual having you here," the heiress began warily, trying to guess a good reason why she of all people was there now. She truly couldn't come up with anything to explain the conundrum. "May we help you with something?"

"Sayo-chan thought you'd be coming to say goodbye before the trip," Komori Kiri explained, slowly. Ayaka was left a bit startled. "Don't be shocked, please. I've known Sayo-chan for quite a time now. Since late last year, to be exact."

"You have? But... how...?" the millionaire blinked.

"I'm... not sure," the pale beauty dodged the question. "At first, I could only see and sense her as a shadow, but the better we got to know each other, the better I can see and hear her. She keeps me company when everyone else's gone, and that's why I'm grateful enough to her to come here. You know, stepping out of... my place... is very difficult for me," she admitted shyly.

Ayaka only nodded. "Is Aisaka-san here right now?"

"She's standing right next to me," the shut-in said.

Ayaka thanked her with a nod before addressing the ghost herself, "Aisaka-san, would you like to come with us to our Kyoto trip? You also are part of the class, after all."

"Other side, Yukihiro-san."

"Oh, sorry!" She turned and repeated herself.

Kiri was briefly silent, as if listening to words spoken into her ear, before answering, "She can't leave the Academy grounds, sorry. Still, she'd be thankful if you could bring her pictures of your time there."

"You'll have as many as she wants," Ayaka promised. "Both of you, as matter of fact. Aisaka-san, would you allow me to contact a specialist to help us establish a better contact with you? My father owns the local TV station; we could bring Don Kanonji-sama here..."

Kiri made a gesture of listening attentively again before shaking her head. "We've watched that TV show." Then she abruptly broke character to adopt the eccentric paranormal showman's trademark pose and laughing "OH-HO-HO-HOO!-!" scarily well, only to return to her normal tone seconds after. "Sayo-chan doesn't want to be exorcized."

Ayaka sweatdropped. "It wouldn't be an exorcism... I promise it wouldn't even be televised! I only want to see if there's a way we could get a better communication with you..."

Kiri calmly gestured for her to stop, then paid attention to the apparent silence again. It took her longer to answer this time. "Sayo-chan is sorry for jumping to conclusions, and thanks you for your intentions, but Don Kanonji-sama still scares her a bit. She says she'll think it over during your trip. Either way, we already have some friends working on it..."

Ayaka's expression, again, was one of surprise. "Which friends?"

Then the door behind her was opened, and much to her shock, Negi walked in, closely followed by Misora. "Hello... Iincho-san?" the boy finished the sentence, which had started casual, with some startlement of his own. "Why are you still here?"

"Oh! Oh, good afternoon, Negi-sensei, Kasuga-san!" Ayaka laughed it off. "I only came back for some notes I left forgotten here! That's all!" Then, after a moment of hesitation, her tone was a tad colder, addressed only at Misora. "You?"

The pseudo-nun laughed as well, even more falsely. "Ah, I left some things forgotten too, and Negi-kun said he'd help me look for them! You know how he is!"

"Ah, ha ha, yes!" Ayaka replied the same way. "Well, sorry, but just look at the time! I'm afraid I must go now! There are still personal preparations to be made, and I must make sure Makie-san isn't... _fooling around_... again, and well, we'll meet again tomorrow, Negi-sensei, Kasuga-san! Please take care! You too, Komori-san!" And she finished with a smile in Sayo's general direction before hurrying out.

Misora blinked. "Negi-kun, something's really wrong here. _She_ passed on a chance to spend more time with _you_!"

"Oh, please, don't say that, Misora-san..." he asked.

But Kasuga fixed a glare on Kiri. "What was she _actually_ doing here, sempai?"

After a few moments of doubt, Komori shrugged. "She only came for a few personal notes, yes." If she had her reasons to keep her knowledge of Sayo a secret, Kiri would respect them.

"See?" Negi asked Misora. The sprinter seemed unconvinced, but she still left the issue aside.

"Whatever. And then, what are **you** doing here as well, Sempai?"

"Sayo-chan thought you'd be coming to say goodbye before the trip..." the older student started again.

….

**Kyon: Big Damn Hero**

(With Honors and Thanks to Durandall for the Inspiration).

It was not often Misa saw Madoka daydreaming.

"Madoka?"

"Hmmm?"

"I told you, we're supposed to be packing the last few things for the trip. Even Saku-chan is helping!"

"Hmmm. Good to know. You guys are becoming more responsible lately... when you actually are around, that is..."

"Madoka."

"Yes...?"

"You still aren't helping us. What gives?"

_"God damn it Kyon-sempai, you're so cool when you do this!" Madoka gushed, clapping her hands together. "What is it?"_

_"I'm not sure," he said, as a cold, familiar chuckle echoed. One eyebrow twitched and he stowed his weapons, banishing the ring of light and flinging his phone at Madoka. "Speed dial two," he snapped. "Stay in the circle."_

"... Madoka."

"Yes, Kyon-sempai?"

"... Forget it. I think I already understand. Enjoy yourself."

"Thank you so very much, Kyon-sempai..."

….

**Dynamic Duo.**

After fixing a few last minute matters at the Manga Club with Harumi, Hikaru-sempai, Patty and Hiyori, Haruna came back with a huge grin on. "Honey...! I'm homeeee-eeee!"

Ku Fei's annoyed face popped out from the couch she was lying on. "I've told you, never call me that! You got a visit-aru!"

"Visitor?" Haruna blinked. "I just saw Rito-kun, Nodoka-chan, Yue-chan and the Manga Club, and no one else ever dares to come here, so who..."

"PARU-NEEEEE-CHAAAAAAN!-!-!" A tiny girl with glasses and long pink hair hopped into Haruna's view, jumping into her arms and squeezing her chest between her arms. She recognized her; she was the one who had followed her earlier that afternoon. "I know you don't know me, but I'm your greatest fan ever! I'm really, really sure I'll be just like you when I grow up! I've read all your Doujinshi!"

That was enough to make even Haruna flinch. "All of them? How old are you?"

"Eight!"

"That's bad! I didn't start reading that kind of material until I was ten!" Haruna lectured briefly. "But eh, what's already done is done. At least you've got good taste! What's your name, sweetie?"

"I'm Ishige Sawa!"

"What a cute sounding name! What can I do for you, Sawa-chan?"

"Well, my friends and I have just relocated to this school! As soon as I learned you were studying here, I _knew_ I had to meet you! Ah!" she gushed. "Fate must be bringing us together! We're even going to make a trip to Kyoto, just like you!"

"You are?" Paru blinked.

"Well, it's not official, but a few friends and me have gotten a special paid trip from our parents!" she lied skilfully. "Maybe you already know one of them! Her name's Nelly Springfield!"

Ku Fei bolted from apathetic lethargy to intense curiosity. "Say what? Er, aru?"

Haruna's ahoge moved around. "For real? Are you really a friend of Negi-kun's fiancee?"

Deathnote grinned and nodded. "A-yep! Oh, she and Negi-kun like each other a lot!" she giggled.

"I've noticed, yeah..." Haruna said with a pleased nod. Ku, on the other hand, was scowling angrily, yet said nothing.

"I'll go bring you some snacks!" Haruna bolted for the kitchenette, sing-sanging. "Meanwhile, get yourself comfortable, Sawa-chan! There are many things I want to talk about with you!"

"I'll love to, Paru-sempai...!" Deathnote cooed while settling herself next to a large pile of manga, grabbing one and flipping through it. She ignored Ku's near-hostile-by-now stare. "Ah! Now this is life!"

After that, two hours of amiable mangaka chatting ensued. But even though she never let it show, Haruna just knew there was some major BS going on with the child's story. It all was too far out, even for Mahora's standards. More or less, anyway.

Ku Fei only started wondering if she somehow could get that Nelly girl deported. She knew a few people in the Immigration Department

….

**Good Morning**

Amagasaki Chigusa elegantly sipped her first cup of tea for the day. "Tomorrow is the big day, Inugami-kun," she told the boy sitting at the other end of the table, munching on his breakfast indiferently. He really missed Kagome-mama's cooking. "However, you will stand back until we see if we really need your cooperation in the active duty."

"Eh?" he snorted. "That's boring. Why did you hire me if you weren't even sure you'd need me?"

"You will learn, Inugami-kun, the key to success in life is twofold; patience, and preparation. Be willing to wait for anything, and to be prepared for anything."

"But it's boring. Maddeningly boring!" Kotaro complained. "All I've been doing for the last few days is wasting my time standing around keeping guard while you and that American in the funny hat spend all your time locked up with that captive girl!"

"Yeah!" Tsukuyomi nodded, while primly buttering her bread up. Next to her, her loyal Hansel and Gretel fed each other lovingly. "Why can't we spend some time with her touching her up, as well?"

"I don't want to do that!" Kotaro barked.

"We don't touch her up!" Chigusa hissed. Damn, now she was really glad she never had any children.

"What a waste," Tsukuyomi sighed.

"I just want to fight someone for real already!" Kotaro lamented.

Tsukuyomi gave him a very bright and cute smile. "We can spar again, Kotaro-kun! I love it when you become that huge... bestial... dead sexy... brutal... rampaging... imposing... no doubt hung as a horse... hellish creature full of fur and muscles..."

"No way! Last time you tried to cut my pants down, you... you weird girl!" he backed away from her. "I doubt there's anyone here in this whole country who is as perverted as you!"

Then the door flew open, and in walked a young girl with fair skin, her long light brown hair made in two very long pigtails. Wearing nothing but a white apron that covered all of her front, but the back was another story.

Kotaro choked on his morning meal.

"Oh, good morning... Homura-han, right?" Tsukuyomi chirped. "Lovely apron you've got there!"

Chigusa addressed the newcomer coldly. "I know you just arrived to Mundus Vetus, but you're advised to stop walking around like that here. Especially with Hatter-sama around."

"Where's the coffe maker?" was all the girl said, emotionlessly.

"Over there, help yourself!" Tsukuyomi pointed in another direction, smiling very pleasantly. She and the twins stared on at the girl's ass as she walked there, and Kotaro just excused himself out in a hurry. Chigusa didn't give a damn.

Minutes later, Homura smiled while placing a steaming cup of red hot black coffee on the small table of her mistress' room. "Here, Lady Sextum! Please forgive my delay!"

"It's okay," she made nothing of it, picking the cup elegantly with a small pale hand. She took a first sip at the same time she checked the newspaper, analyzing this world's strange customs. Then she asked, "Homura?"

"Yes, Lady Sextum?"

"Have I ever asked you before why you always serve my morning coffee while dressed that way?"

"No, Lady Sextum."

"May I ask now?"

"It's-It's just a way I find to hopefully be the most esthetically pleasing for your senses, Lady Sextum. You don't like it?"

"... I don't mind it. I simply was asking."

The girl smiled again. "Ah. That's good to know!"

Someday, she'd notice.

_Someday..._

...….

**Christmas Cake**

"It isn't so bad," Chie-sensei tried to argue. "Toko-sensei hasn't yet married either."

"She has," Shizuna shared over the glasses of soft liquor they were drinking. It was the night right before the trip, and both women had agreed to enjoy some time out before splitting ways for the whole week. This time, Chie had decided not allowing Shizuna to drink as much as she had last time. "She divorced three years ago, and she never talks about it, but she has. And she's got a new boyfriend right now."

"She does? I didn't know that. Well, how about Nekomome-sensei?"

"I think she's dating that creepy bus driver."

"Ninomiya-sensei?"

"I think she's got something going with Seruhiko."

"Shirai-sensei?"

"Oyajima-sensei's got his eye on her."

Finally, Chie offered, tentatively, "... Well, if you're so worried about it, why don't you give Boo-sensei a chance?"

Shizuna blinked. "Boo-kun?"

"Well, yes. He isn't as depressive as Itoshiki, as distant as Takahata, or as... young as Negi-kun. His accent is very funny, but he isn't bad looking. He has a strong... _animal appeal."_

Shizuna chuckled over her glass. "Too late. Mido-sensei already got him."

"Oh, " Chie said. A pause. "You know, they make a rather odd couple..."

_Elsewhere..._

"BUCK-KAWW! BWAKK, BWAKK, BUKAWWK!"

"Oh yes, yes, yes, yes!" Mido Miko shouted. "Shirai may say you're a giant chicken, but really, you are a giant co—"

This segment has just been cancelled since the author urgently needed to go for some Brain Bleach.

….

"I can't sleep, I can't sleep, I can't sleep!" Negi rolled around in the bed excitedly. "It's tomorrow! Tomorrow is the big day!"

Chisame groaned, grabbed his head, and pushed it down against his pillow. "Get a hold of yourself! I know you're eager to go, but some of us want to sleep!"

At least, it wasn't a problem for Hakase, who kept on sleeping heavily at Chisame's other side.

In the lower bunk, Erebus pondered it all quietly, his mind clouded by concerns once again. "Relax," the blond-dyed Asuna whispered to him, lying on her side. "Even if those guys attack in this world too, they'll have us to help against them."

Calculator managed to overhear from her nearby futon, scowling. "The way this crazy world is, I'm not too sure about that…"

Asuna huffed. "At this point, Negi can mop the floor with any of the Kyoto Fate party. Fate's the only one who could pose a problem…"

"Again, this world's so freaking insane, I wouldn't be shocked if the local Chigusa had Bizarro, Livewire and _Tomoyo_ on her payload," Calculator whispered back.

"Don't even _joke_ about that last," Asuna hissed.

"What the hell are you guys mumbling?" Chisame asked, annoyed and just wanting to shut them up.

"N-Nothing!" Erebus gasped. "Just wondering what… kind of superheroes there are in this world…" he managed an excuse, despite Ala Alba's earlier discussion on the subject.

"Oh, yes. Your world's full of them, isn't it?" Negi asked, filled with curiosity.

"Yeah," Calculator grumbled. "Besides the Magical Girl Association and the Justice League, we have tons of wild cards running around hoping to get themselves killed. You?" she played along.

"We don't have that many, actually…" Chisame pondered. "I mean, there's Superman… Squirrel Girl-sama, of course, Steel… the War Machine…"

"Spider-Man?" Negi said.

"Isn't he a criminal?" Chisame asked. "That's what most of the web reports say, anyway. Then there's that Bat-monster from Gotham City… Green Arrow and Black Canary… the Teen Titans… Captain Marvel… Sailor V and that sidekick she has lately… that Question guy…"

"The X-Men?" Negi said again.

"No, those are mutant terrorists too…" Chisame shook her head grumpily.

"You're thinking of Magneto's Brotherhood," Negi told her.

"No, the X-Men are terrorists too, I'm sure," Chisame disagreed. "It's just they fight each other for mutant supremacy and all that. Let's see… there's this freaky vigilante bird guy we have at Mahora City lately… Aquaman… that Booster Whatever Fraud on TV… and I think that's all."

Asuna rose up on her elbows. "That's all? No Flash? Green Lantern-chan? Martian Manhunter? Wonder Woman? Team Science Action?"

"Who the heck are all those?" Chisame groaned.

"I could ask the same thing about half the people on your list!" Asuna dropped back on the bed. And there was a very long pause. "So, only two Magical Girls, huh?"

Chisame tried to hide under her sheets to escape the unwanted chat. Negi already was sleeping at her side. "Magical Girls are something only seen in TV at this world. No one's even sure what Sailor V really is. For all we know she just uses crazy gadgets, or is another mutant…"

"Ours is a Magical Girl, all right," Asuna nodded firmly. "Then tell us, what about all the supervillains?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST SLEEP ALREADY! WE HAVE A TRIP TOMORROW EARLY!"

….

**The Big Day:**

_Tomorrow Early:_

All around the dormitories, one by one, each 3-A girl was preparing herself to depart for the train station, each one in her own special way.

**Kaede and the Narutakis' room.**

For once, the tall Shinobi frowned ever so slightly. "Fuuka-dono, Fumika-dono, you'd better stop it now-de gozaru. We're going to be late…"

"Just… Just a few more minutes, Kaede-neechan…" Fumika panted.

"Yeah. W-We won't be able to do this for a whole week, while everyone's so close, after all…" Fuuka said from her.. rather interesting… position, pausing briefly so her mouth wouldn't be full anymore.

"Who are you trying to fool?" Kaede asked. "You know you'll find a way to sneak out to privacy as soon as no one's looking at you!"

"But that's good, isn't it?" Fuuka asked. "It means we've learned your ninja tricks very well!"

Kaede just grabbed her backpack. "I'll see you guys there."

**Mana and Shiho's Room.**

"Goodbye, Oneesama! Goodbye!" the red-haired apprentice bawled. "Please never forget me! I'll always keep you in my heart, as well! You're the only one for me!"

"Shiho, I'm only going to be gone for a week," Mana deadpanned.

The shorter girl sniffed. "P-Promise me you won't find yourself another Imouto-chan at Kyoto to replace Shiho-chan at your side?"

A very long sigh ensued. "I promise."

Shiho pouted and held a pinky finger. "Not like that!"

Mana sighed again and wrapped her own pinky around hers. "Pinky promise…"

Shiho smiled very cutely. "Now Shiho feels better! But now, if you excuse me, Shiho must tell goodbye to Tate-oniichan, too!"

_Minutes later…_

"Goodbye, Oniichan! Goodbye!" the red-haired childhood friend bawled. "Please never forget me! I'll always keep you in my heart, as well! You're the only one for me!"

The bleached boy stared down at her. "You already practiced this speech with Mana, didn't you?"

**Setsuna and Kuro's Room.**

"And this way, you won't have to worry about anyone breaking in to steal your Konoka pictures while you're away, see?" Kuro said as she finished setting the traps and seals around the room.

"I don't know," Setsuna doubted. "Isn't this a bit excessive?"

"Hey, none of them are lethal unless you happen to be an evil spirit, monster or demon!" Kuro protested. "Human intruders will only be left unconscious for a week, so we can explain everything as we come back!"

Setsuna still wasn't sure. "Maybe I should have bought a guard dog, like Saeko-sempai at the Kendo Club suggested…"

….

"Get up, Yukino!"

The brown haired, geeky looking Kikukawa Yukino rubbed her eyes as she got up from her bed, watching her energetic and active roommate and best friend, Suzushiro Haruka, Vice President of the Student Council, paced around the bedroom making sure everything was in place before leaving. For a moment, her eyes lingered on the big chested figure of her companion, from her shiny blue eyes to her long dark gold hair, before she propelled herself up from it. She looked at the clock. Only 4:00 A.M. Haruka-chan always liked to be there before anyone else…

"It's a duty of someone with my rank!" the blonde said, as if reading her thoughts. "I can't allow Yukihiro, Jinnai, Sawachika, and most specially Fujino, to beat me there! I never could live with myself if that stupid _bubuzuke_ woman happened to arrive there before I did!"

"Sorry, Haruka-chan," Yukino got up, still groggy with sleep. "I promise I won't delay you…"

One truly hurried shower and dress-up later, she was eating breakfast as fast as she could while Haruka, who already had finished, sat at the other end of the table, reading the newspaper.

"Don't eat so fast, Yukino. You'll choke," she warned before re-reading the headlines. "Hmmm. Lex Luthorexpresses interest in the United States' presidency… The mysterious duck-faced vigilante strikes again… (bogus!)… the Nankatsu Team wins the first game of the soccer national finals… Akamatsu Ken makes a new movie…"

Her gaze casually drifted over her horoscope. "According to this, I'm about to embark on a trip that'll change my whole life… Heh! If I believed these superimpositions, I'd bet on my work there granting me the President spot for this year!"

"The right word is 'superstitions', Haruka-chan…" Yukino corrected her humbly.

Haruka mostly ignored her. "Hmmm. Yours says you'll meet up with a blond arrogant girl and a redhead who will help you through a difficult ordeal. Honestly, who writes these things?"

Yukino shrugged, finishing with her coffee. "I'm sure there's not too much of an ordeal I can go through in a simple trip to Tokyo…"

Oh, if only her class could have gone with Haruka-chan's and those others to Kyoto…!

Elsewhere in Ohtori Academy, one Kiryuu Nanami smiled haughtily as she looked at herself in the mirror. "Well, now I'm all ready! Come on, Keiko, we're going to join the group right now!"

"But it's still 4:15 A.M., Nanami-sama…" her loyal supporter mumbled pitifully from her bed.

Yet elsewhere in the prestigious Clamp Academy, a petite girl with bright red hair beamed a smile as she finished fixing her clothes. "I can't wait to see Tokyo Tower! Can you, Umi-chan?"

The girl with long blue hair lying on the upper bunk just snored. "Shaddap, Hikaru-chan…"

….

Minamoto Shizuna rose up from bed, stretching her arms up. It was still very early, but she had to give a good example and be at the train station before Fujino-san, Suzushiro-san, Yukihiro-san, Jinnai-san and everyone else arrived there. It'd be a shame, to be beaten to it by the students…

Two girls ran past before her window then.

"Faster, Yukino! Go faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can, Haruka-chan…!"

Shizuna blinked.

A boy passed by seconds later, laughing his head off hideously. "OH HO HO HO HO HO! This time, Mizuhara Makoto, you won't leave me in second place!"

Shizuna got up, deciding she really would have to hurry…

As she walked past the window herself, she saw Takahata-sensei walking along as well, carrying his luggage and casually looking in her direction. "Oh, good morning, Minamoto-sensei…"

Shizuna just waved weakly, her right eyebrow twitching a bit.

Then Asuna passed along as well, tossing a newspaper into Shizuna's doorstep. "Ahhhhh! Takahata-sensei! What a happy **coincidence** seeing you here…!"

 _My timing has been perfect! EVERYTHING AS PLANNED!_ the young girl thought happily.

Shizuna groaned to herself. Next year… Next year…!

….

Negi blinked in confusion at the scream he heard as he passed Shizuna-sensei's apartment. It sounded very similar to one of Itoshiki's Despair Screams. "I wonder what that's about?"

"I'm sure I have no idea," Kuro said, grimacing slightly as she tried to fluff up the white sweater she was wearing. The garment hung depressingly flat on her aged-up chest. As an Archer, she supposed she should be glad she'd never have to worry about her cleavage getting in the way of her shots. As a woman, she was damned annoyed that she seemed destined to be a pettanko. "How did I let you people talk me into being a chaperone again?" Her long purple skirt swished, and she grimaced further. She really should have insisted on pants, but apparently women in jeans drew more attention than those in skirts, or something. Damned adult fashions.

The train station already had a small group of students waiting, several of the 'stick-up-their-ass' types that Kuro had always identified as Iinchou and other officers. Oh, and the SOS Brigade (like hell Suzumiya would let her group be beaten out by someone else). Their infamy was so pervasive even she, who'd only hung out at the grade school and monster-hunted at night, had heard of them. She hadn't believed it until now. They looked just like the anime from back home. She made a point not to draw the Suzumiya girl's attention and idly mused what effect screaming at her to buzz off would have if she'd been noticed…

She followed Negi to a group of teachers and other adults, Itoshiki and Takahata among them. "Negi-kun!" Takahata said. "Up and about already. As expected of 3-A's teacher. And this is?"

Kuro bowed. "Emiya Kuro," she said, feeling slightly weird at only using her father's name. "I'm one of the chaperones for 3-A."

….

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Erebus cried, nudging Asuna, the Chisames, and Hakase. "Wake up! Today's the day! We're going to Kyoto! We're going to Kyoto!"

At least three annoyed pillows slammed into his face.

"DON'T BE SO PERKY!" the Chisames snarled.

As the ermines hesitantly poked their head from the shared drawer, the schoolgirls began to rouse, rubbing their goopy eyes. Hakase clung tightly to her own pillow, muttering about algorithms in her sleep. Calculator debated yelling for her maids, decided that was too loud for this early, and dragged herself to the kitchen to maybe make something edible. Once there, however, she stopped dead, rubbing her eyes and trying to decide if she was still dreaming. Or if she had accidentally walked into Setsuna's Kosmo Entelekhia again (long story).

Matoi looked over her shoulder. "Good morning, other-Chisame-sama. Breakfast will be ready soon. It's your favorite."

All sorts of questions filled Calculator's mind. 'What the heck are you doing here?' was near the top, followed by 'How did you get in?', 'Why are you making breakfast?' and 'How do you know what my favorite is?'. Propriety, however, forced her to ask the obvious. "Why are you wearing nothing but an apron?"

Matoi smiled brightly. "Oh, you noticed! That means Chisame-sama will notice too!"

"Not answering the question, Tsunetsuki-san," Calculator said, forcing her eyes away from Matoi's lean but firm ass.

"This is the traditional way for a wife to cook for her beloved husband, is it not?" Matoi said cheerfully. "Food and the option of sex in one package."

Calculator stared blankly at her, gaze firmly on her face. She looked sideways at a pile of discarded clothes. "You have ten seconds to put your clothes back on."

Matoi glared. "Or what?"

Calculator called out over her shoulder. "Yo, Chiu! Matoi's in the kitchen going Hadaka Apron!"

" ** _WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!-?_** Chisame roared, the cry echoed in less volume but equal vehemence by a suddenly wide awake Hakase. The Magical Girl stepped back as the two roommates rushed in.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Chisame tried to roar and hiss at the sane time. "WE HAVE A LITTLE KID PRESENT!"

"This is my naked kitchen, that's my naked apron, and I'm the only one allowed to be naked in here!" Hakase said on top of her.

"STOP HELPING ME, HAKASE!"

Twilight sauntered over, having made sure Erebus wouldn't look. "Wanna see if Konoka's making breakfast in their room?"

"Let's go," Calculator said, popping an age-change pill.

Over in Matoi's room, Setsuna tried not to faint from utter cuteness overload as a pill-chibified Konoka enthusiastically made breakfast.

….

"Got everything?" Yue said, setting her bag on her shoulder and checking her reflection one more time to make sure the orange hair dye and multiple braids were in place. The bright, vivid colors certainly changed her appearance, and the subtle makeup made her natural dour-looking face less so.

"I think so," Haruna said, still packing her own bag. "Let's see, whips, training wands, knives— both throwing and fighting— med kits, catalyst potions for your big spells, rope, rappelling gear…"

Misora, in uniform rather than her habit, looked up from the breakfast Cocone and Nodoka had made. "Knives? Rappelling gear?"

"It's a librarian thing," Haruna said cheerfully.

Cocone said nothing, eating breakfast efficiently.

"Aww, come on Cocone-chan!" Misora said. "Don't be like that! It's only a week. It'll be over before you know it!"

Cocone gave her a bland, Bambi-eyed look.

"It's not like I can smuggle you in my bag," Misora said.

Cocone perked up, giving her a hopeful look.

"I'm not smuggling you in my bag, Cocone!" Misora said.

Cocone sighed. " _Now_ you're going to be responsible?"

"HEY! I'm always responsible!" Misora cried.

"Just not always caught," Yue said dryly.

Nodoka walked in, chibified and her hair lengthened and dyed a bluer shade. She was wearing a high-collared grey jacket. "Haruna, does this _really_ disguise me?" she asked.

"Yup!" Haruna said, ahoge twitching. "You sure don't look like Nodoka. You look like some kinda cosplay, but DEFINITELY not like Nodoka."

Nodoka began to twiddle her fingers, blushing as she poked them at each other. "W-well, okay…"

"And hey, great cosplay acting!"

"W-what cosplay acting?"

….

"All right!" Misa said, clenching her fist. "This is it, Sakurako! This is our chance. Kyoto! The history! The mystery! The romance! This trip is our chance to get to the next level with Hakase and Negi-kun!"

"It's Kyoto, Misa, not Rome out of some campy American romantic comedy," Madoka said.

….

"All right!" Ayaka said, clenching her fist. "This is it, Makie! This is my chance. Kyoto! The history! The mystery! The romance! This trip is my chance to get to the next level with Negi-sensei!"

"Not if I get there first, Iinchou!" Makie declared, eyes burning indetermination.

"In that case, may the better woman win, Makie-chan!" Iinchou said, thrusting out a hand. Makie took it, and they exchanged grips.

"…wait, I thought you were trying to get Yuuna and Ako back?" Ayaka said.

Makie shrugged. "Haruna makes a good point about some things."

Ayaka twitched, and wondered if she should warn Makie's mothers…

….

"Off we go!" Chao said as she walked to the train station, Yuuna in tow. "Into the wild blue yonder, flying high into the sun, yo!"

"You're perky," Yuuna muttered grouchily.

"And you're surprisingly depressed for a woman who's recently had a three-way that lasted 24 hours straight," Chao said, a spring in her step. "Come on, this trip won't be so bad. We won't even notice anything happens as long as we don't follow Negi-sensei around. Just relax. Maybe you'll get lucky-yo."

Yuuna snorted. "Yeah, just what I need. More sex."

"Don't scoff-yo," Chao said. "While I'm not really that interested in it, just think of the hundreds of people on the Internet who wish they could have a three way with Makie and Ako."

_On the other side of the fourth wall, Ala Iridia and every other Negima fan on the planet sneezed. GUST's heads exploded and they all died._

As mucus was wiped off the monitor, Yuuna gave Chao a look. "You're going to turn my sexual confusion into a running gag, aren't you?"

"If you want someone to vent at about it, that's the price you'll need to pay."

….

Ala Alba, Chibified, hairs dyed, disguised and looking like pedobear bait, made heir way to the train station via flying mantaray, Negi providing a basic Innocuousness spell so they wouldn't be noticed by those on the ground. They landed about a block away, and started walking. In no time at all, they reached the station, which was already filing with students.

"I miss being tall," Asuna grumbled.

Chisame, who'd spent the bulk of her time in Mundus Magicus chibified, shrugged. "You get used to it." She turned to Chitose, the taller of her two maid robots, and said, "Do you see Chachamaru?"

The Shamal-type, dressed in normal clothes instead of her maid finery, pointed. "The local Chachamaru is in that direction, Calculator-sama."

"Lead on," she ordered, and the two robots proceeded to act as a wedge to let them through the crowd.

They found Chachamaru and their Evangeline, the latter looking bored, standing not far from the slowly assembling members of 3-A.

"This feels weird," Yue said, watching the local version of her showing off her pillow. It had been a long time since she needed it close by to sleep. _Nowadays_ she couldn't sleep without her Pactio card and Wand. "Being on the outside looking in."

Evangeline snorted. "Whatever. It'll just be another boring train ride in a car full of annoying teenagers. What's to get worked up about?" The vampire's foot was tapping impatiently so fast it was like she was trying to send morse code.

They all looked at her. Already, she carried a bag of cheap train station souvenirs, as well as a bag of several junkfood, soda, and magazines, plus a few tourist maps.

"As you say, Master," Yue said blandly. The others hid their smiles.

"I'll see if I can find the other me," Negi said, moving into the crowd with Albert on his shoulder.

About five steps later, there was a sneeze and loud shrieks as a sudden wind lifted skirts.

"Been a while since that happened," Haruna noted.

….

As Chisame and Hakase walked into the already crowded station, looking all around for a sign of Negi, they saw a busty blonde with her hair in curls running past them, with a eager expression on her face and a big package in her hands.

"Ah," Chisame said. "Let's just follow her."

"Huh?" Satomi blinked a few times. "Why?"

"Just trust me," Chisame sighed wearily while following the bouncy girl's trail, dragging Hakase around and soon finding her making her way through a mob of girls surrounding Negi with gifts, much to a fuming Ayaka's dismay. "See?" Chisame snorted. "I just knew it…"

"N-Negi-sensei!" the blonde said nervously, while handling her package over to the boy. "I… I hope this is of your liking! I happened to hear you liked tea, and so do I, so, um… It's a tea set for you!" she finished.

"Oh, I'm very thankful…!" he tried to keep his cheerful smile while balancing everything he had in his arms. "I really appreciate it, um… Tomoe Mami-san, right?"

Mami blinked several times, a shade of pink running over her face before she could nod. "Oh, oh, yes! I'm honored to see you know my name! Um, I think they're calling for me… I'll see you after the trip!" she promised and left in a hurry.

"What do these girls have in their heads? Cheese?" Chisame mumbled as she approached Negi, now the mob had scattered away a bit. "Hey, Sensei. Let me help you with that," she said, taking a few of the gifts in her own arms, nodding in Ayaka's direction as Negi thanked her. "'Morning, Iincho."

"Good morning, Hasegawa-san, Hakase-san," the Class Rep greeted formally. "It's good to see someone had the willpower to get up early today…"

"Yeah," Chisame nodded. She didn't feel like pointing out how she barely had slept at all through the whole night due to Negi's nerves, or how she had to drag an asleep Hakase all the way to the station, while leaving Calculator and Twilight with the rest of Ala Alba…

Hakase looked around Ayaka. "Weren't you supposed to bring Sasaki-san here, Iincho-san?"

The heiress nodded. "I did, naturally. But her mother, and… ahhh… her mother came to tell her goodbye. They must be somewhere near here…"

"By the way," Chisame asked Negi. "How come youknow the name of _that_ girl?"

"Oh, Tomoe-san?" he replied. "W-Well, I've been trying to memorize the names of as many students as I can, even those I normally don't teach. It always could come handy in the case of an emergency." He started pointing in all directions, at random students in the crowds around the trains. "For instance, those are Lala Gonzalez-san and Takano Akira-san, Tamura Mina-san, Hirano Kouta-san and Takagi Saya-san, Hinomori Misato-san and Barahime Mimi-san, the Katsura triplets, Ichiki Hisako-san…"

"Okay, okay!" Chisame interrupted him. "We got it already! Sheesh! How did you manage to learn all those names between classes and… everything else? You aren't a normal human being at all, did you know that?"

Months later, she would be highly thankful for that particular gift of his for multitasking…

As Mami rejoined her group, she had a tight, wide smile on her face. "I did it! I really did it! And he even knows my name! I **exist**!"

Kyoko chuckled, giving her a thumbs up. "Cool! See? I told ya so!"

Sayaka smiled fondly. "I'm so glad for you, Mami-san…"

Right then, a pink haired woman glomped her in a hug from behind. "Oh, there you are, Sayaka-chan, Kyoko-chan, Mami-san! I hope you're all right in your trip…!"

"GAHHH! ITS YOU AGAIN!" Kyoko pointed at the adult. "The weird Loli-stalker!"

Trying to remain blissfully ignorant at the sidelines, Akemi Homura placed her hands on Makie's shoulders. "— So, are you sure you're ready to go now?"

"Yeah, I told you already, Mama!" she laughed. "You worry far too much!" There was a pause. "Mama…" she lowered her voice. "What would you say if… if I told you someone told me… magic is real…?"

The woman with thick glasses tensed, tightening her grip on the girl's shoulders. "You haven't met any strange, cute talking animal, have you?"

"O-Of course I haven't, Mama!"

"What have I told you to do if you ever find any kind of animal like that?" Homura asked her.

"I reject all his offers, no matter how attractive they are, and I definitely don't sign any contract with him!" Makie repeated from memory.

"Good," Homura nodded. "Then, who was telling you that, and why?"

Makie rolled her eyes around. "Ahhhh… No, it's nothing, forget it. Only Konoka-chan telling me about her fortune telling again…"

….

Erebus wondered whether he should have asked Chitose for help looking for the local Negi. After all, it wasn't like he had some kind of nonsensical "Magic Sense" he could use to hone in on people's auras or something silly like that.

He paused, thought about it, and resolved to ask someone if he actually _could_ learn something like that. It would be very useful.

Flicking hair out of his eyes, he was just about to resort to jumping up and down when a voice said, "Nelly-san?"

He turned and sighed with relief. "Ayaka-san!" he said, remembering just in time to do it in a girly voice. "Have you seen Negi? I can't find him in this crowd!"

"He's with the chaperones," Ayaka said, her expression slightly disgruntled, though he'd never really seen what a 'gruntled' expression might be. "Come on, I'll lead you to him." She held out her hand a bit reluctantly.

Erebus, oblivious, gratefully took the proffered hand. "Thank you," he said, not noticing the sudden jolt that seemed to run through Ayaka.

Ayaka, for her part, was feeling uncomfortable. She had no problems dealing with and even being friendly with her 'rivals' for Negi's affections (after all, she had Makie for a roommate), but even as she filed Nelly as an extra-dangerous obstacle, something in her heart went treacherously warm and mushy at the girl's smile, seriously confusing her sexuality. It was like one of Negi-sensei's smiles, if Negi-sensei was a meek, gentle, proper, long-haired girl.

"So, how long have you been engaged to Negi-sensei?" she asked, phishing for information as they passed 3-I, where Chimaka Itoshi was trying to convince Aiwa Kimyou to buy a lot of chocolate before watching some kind of Magical Girl anime. Every little bit helped in love and war.

Nelly blushed, fingers jerking in surprise at the sudden question. "A long time," she said, then waffled. "Well, maybe not that long, although it seems like it sometimes. When we were younger, I made him promise to marry me if he grew up and couldn't find a wife and I couldn't find a husband. My parents heard about this and decided to skip everything and make it an official engagement."

"I see," Ayaka said, momentarily torn at the thought of how cute that scene must have been. A childhood promise! This was a serious threat! Everyone knew how potent those were!

_Somewhere, Keitarou, Naru, Mutsumi, Kanako, Motoko, Su, Shinobu, and Mitsune all sneezed and went back to having sex._

"But you two don't intend to get married?" Ayaka pressed, partly eager, partly annoyed. Sure, she didn't want anyone else marrying sensei, but what kind of tasteless person wanted to get _out_ of an engagement with him? "You two seemed quite vocal about it, even though no one listened."

The happy, relieved look Nelly beamed at her made Ayaka all warm and fuzzy and confused about her sexuality all over again. "Yes!" Nelly said a bit vehemently. "It just won't work out. I mean, we both care about each other and like each other, but we're just too alike in some ways. Besides, we both still have our lives ahead of us. Letting something that happened when we were six dictate the rest of our lives isn't very smart."

There should have been a roll of thunder at this multiverse-shaking bit of hypocrisy. There should have but there wasn't, because Thor was off pretending to be a doctor and Zeus was sleeping in.

"That's… very mature of you," Ayaka said. Damn her sexual confusion!

"Oh, Nelly!" Negi said as they approached, still surrounded by his admirers. "There you are!"

Nearby, a slightly frazzled if still elegant Shizuna asked, "Who's this, Negi-sensei?"

And Hakase, true to her cue, said, "This is Nelly Springfield, Negi-sensei's cousin. And fiancé."

The whole train station froze, and there seemed to be a great cracking sound in the air, like a thousand hearts breaking.

Then, as one there was a roar as dozens and dozens of girls cried out " ** _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"_**

Somewhere in the crowd, Soryu Asuka Langley snorted. "Really, what the hell is the goddamn appeal...?"

Next to her, Horaki Hikari had fallen on her hands and knees. "The world is a dark and miserable place..."

Asuka looked down at her. "Never thought I'd say this, but I think you were better pining after Suzuhara, Hikari-chan."

3-A, as a near-collective body, glared at Nelly Springfield. She was wearing a dark green suit and tie for some reason, making her and Negi a matched set. "Sensei, why is your cousin here?" Makie whined— she had a good whine that let her get away with a lot, although it had never been good for getting her out of her Homura-mama's sharpshooting lessons— fists clenched cutely beneath her chin.

"Oh, she's coming with us to Kyoto," Negi said. "She came all the way here to visit me, after all, so I arranged things with the principal to let her come with us."

"Family time is important, after all," Nelly said.

Negi twitched slightly at the mention of family, even as Makie and a few others were slightly mollified.

"Nelly-chan!" a little girl's voice cried.

"Ah!" Nelly said, waving. "Those are my friends who I met here," she explained lamely like a very badly done info dump.

Haruna brightened at the voice as a pink-haired girl led a few other girls and two blank-faced teenagers towards 3-A. "Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"Haruna, stop that now before you're arrested for child molestation!" Yue cried, aghast.

"DARN IT SAWA, GET YOUR HEAD OUT FROM BETWEEN THOSE BREASTS!" a little girl in a sailor suit cried.

"Oh, hello Yumi-chan," Sora greeted.

The girl suddenly smiled twirled and bowed cutely, making many people go "Awww". "Hello, Hasegawa-san! How nice to see you again."

Fuuka and Fumika looked at all the new girls and twitched. " _Competition!_ " Fuuka hissed.

"This is our turf!" Fumika agreed. "No other Lolis allowed."

Evangeline turned and raised an eyebrow at them.

"Except for Evangeline-sama, who can do as she pleases," the twins amended.

"Good," Evangeline said, satisfied.

"Oh, my," Chizuru said vapidly. "More new girls!"

"They're with me," a dark-skinned chaperone said. "You're the ones being sent by your parents on a special paid trip to tag along with the official one, right?"

"That's the story," a little blond who looked a lot like a young Asuna said. She even had the same eyes!

"Well, you're coming with me," the woman said. "You won't be with 3-A on this trip."She eyed Negi visibly. "Parental concerns, you understand. Come on, no need to bother Springfield-san. He has many other people to do. OW!"

"Sorry," the blonde said sweetly. "My foot slipped.

The chaperone eyed her, but began leading them off to one side.

"Paru-neechan!" Sawa cried, reaching yearningly for Haruna.

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"All right, we get it already, you two like each other to a disturbingly Twilight-esque degree," an orange-haired girl drinking from a can of Bolivian Muppet Juice said, dragging Sawa away from the Say My Name session. "See you later, Nelly-chan."

"You too, Natsuko-san," Nelly said.

"Paru-neechan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-neechan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY!" Chisame and Yumi chorused.

"Oh my," Sora said. "You certainly have interesting friends, Nelly-chan."

Yue, Nodoka and Konoka watched the retreating kids. The orange-haired one and another in a grey jacket who looked kinda like that famous white-eyed ninja girl in love with the the orange loudmouth Marty Stu were chiding Sawa, while a ridiculously cheery girl with pale-blue hair was latched on to a girl who looked like a Chibi-Setsuna with her hair down and red-dyed hair.

"There's something strangely familiar about those girls," Yue commented.

"I wish Set-chan and I were like that," Konoka sighed longingly.

"Th-they seem like nice people, though," Nodoka said. She frowned slightly. "Yueyue?"

"Yes, Nodoka?"

"Do you know why Sakurako's been acting weird around me lately?"

"Weird? How so?"

"Well, when I told her to be more careful with those vocabulary exercises I've been lending her so she could understand Hakase better, she screamed, 'Please don't hurt me!' and ran away…"

Off to the side, a blonde-haired woman with ruddy cheeks and a pink-haired girl with her hair up in buns were getting into the train as Kuro headed back to the other chaperones.

"Hello, Kuro," the blonde said, not acknowledging her presence.

Kuro jumped, spinning, but the woman was already out of sight.

Her little girl wasn't.

"She's a pain to work with, isn't she?" the girl said.

Kuro's eyebrow was twitching. "Oh, _yeah…"_

….

"The JR Shinkasen 'ASAMA 506' will be departing shortly..." the voice through the speakers said again. "All passengers are to get on board in the next ten minutes..."

Shizuna-sensei, looking simply gorgeous in her elegant white suit, adjusted her glasses and spoke for the crowd gathered before her. "Very well, Classes 3-A, 3-D, 1-F and 2-B, please head towards your homeroom teachers for a quick final roll call and divison in groups..."

Negi smiled, calling his students around, waving a small 3-A flag and watching them one by one while they drew closer. "All right, leaders of Groups 1 to 6! Step forward!"

Setsuna was the first one to walk ahead, followed around by Zazie, Chachamaru and the visiting Evangeline from the parallel universe, who seemed sleepy and annoyed more than actually angry or frustrated about being there. "Leader for Group 1, Sakurazaki Setsuna, reporting herself, Sensei," she spoke with Spartan formality.

"Leader for Group 2, Kakizaki Misa, right here!" Misa declared from the head of a quintet composed of the cheerleaders and the twins.

"Leader for Group 3, Konoka Konoe!" Konoka raised a hand, with Asuna and the librarians tagging along her.

"Leader for Group 4, Chao Lingshen!" Chao said, plopping a nikuman into Negi's hands. "One for the trip, Sensei? This one's on us!"

"Ah, thank you very much!" he said, nodding before tucking it into his backpack for later. He took attendance of the girls with Chao (Yotsuba, Ku Fei, Kaede and Mana) before moving on.

"Sensei, Group 5 Leader, Yukihiro Ayaka, promises to do her whole best for you during this whole week and beyond!" Ayaka saluted, as behind her, Kazumi and Chizuru shared soft giggles, and Natsumi sighed while Makie pouted jealously.

"Okay, yeah, I guess that only leaves us, Group 6..." Chisame blandly offered, with Hakase, Akira, Ako and Yuuna following her steps, the latter two looking at Negi with unusual uncertainty and apprehension after their recent impossible experiences. "Honestly, how did I become group leader?" she mumbled under her breath. "It should have been Akashi..." Now why had Yuuna refused, she wondered? Crazy as Akashi was, she had inherited some sense of duty from her father, after all. It wasn't like her to ditch any leadership position.

…

As Negi led his students inside of the train car and the visiting Ala Alba did as well keeping a prudent distance, he could see Takamichi herding the rest of the classes around as well, although the busty blond student near him seemed to be the one truly calling the shots.

"Very well, everyone, step lively! Don't slack off! I want everyone on their seats, on the duplet!" she barked like a drill sergeant.

"On the double, Suzushiro-kun," Takamichi corrected her in the absence of her loyal Yukino.

"Who's that girl?" 'Nelly' approached and asked Negi.

"Oh, that's Suzushiro Haruka, Vice President of the Student Council, and student of High School Class 3-D. She's a very strict person, but also fair and mindful of order and peace. She was the one who coordinated our dodgeball game against Class 2-F…" the younger Springfield replied, a Chamo perched on each shoulder.

Another girl, this one with long black hair, very beautiful, tall and shapely, directed the classes inside of the car, sending them all their own ways, making sure of keeping all classes separated enough from each other. "That's Kotegawa Yui-san, Hall Monitor, and also a member of the Discipline Commitee," Negi whispered, the Chamos leering at Yui enough to make her notice their presence, making a face of disgust.

Dragging right behind them with an annoyed expression, Chibi Haruna muttered under her breath, "Surrounded by control freaks, then… Sheesh, as if we didn't have enough with Nitta…"

"Hey there, Sawa-chan!" the local Haruna was waving at her from her seat, right next to Yue's, patting on her lap. "Come and sit here with your Oneechan!"

With an exaggerated girlish coo, Deathnote ran over to jump on Paru's lap, hugging her and burying her face between her breasts. "Waiiiii, Oneechan…! You're so pretty, soft and warm! I wanna be just like you when I grow up!"

Walking at the back of the group, Calculator and Twilight Red traded jaded looks.

"This combines so many wrongness factors I don't even know where to begin, " Calculator mumbled.

"It's only selfcest pedophilia, what's not to love?" the Chibi Asuna murmured back ironically. "The scariest part isour Haruna is the one poking it up."

"No, it'd be far worse if 'their Haruna was the one actively looking for it," Calculator whispered at her.

"I think they both are just as interested," Chibi Yue joined in, " Making it even worse. I wonder if there is any world, anywhere, where Haruna might be relatively normal for a change."

"To balance the levels of perversion, everyone around her would have to be a pervert instead," Calculator theorized. "So if such a Haruna exists, my sympathies go to her…"

_The Decadent Habits world:_

_That Haruna perked up suddenly. "Weird. All out of the blue, I feel like I'm not alone in this…!"_

…

**One of Us, Matoi-chan! One of Us!**

As Chisame walked onboard, she was suddenly stopped by scarily familiar, thin arms wrapping around her waist from behind.

**"CHISAME-SAMAAAA! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!"**

Misa snickered. "Why, Chisame-chan! Playing hit and run with your love life, aren't you?"

"Close your mouth," Chisame told her, before addressing her teary eyed stalker. "Tsunetsuki, your train's over there! Stop making scenes in public!"

"But I don't want to go with them! I wish to accompany you, Chisame-sama!"

From the car Class 3-F was boarding, Kimura Kaere shouted even as the wind blew her skirt up again, revealing her Tom Cruise-print panties. "Ah! Hasegawa-san, sue her for harassment!"

Sora approached the girls carefully, adjusting her glasses to give Matoi a better look. "Chisame-chan? Who is this girl who treats you with such familiarity?"

Matoi only glared back at her. "And who are you, daring to ask such intimate questions about my relationship with Chisame-sama?"

"I'm Chisame-chan's older sister..."

Matoi's jaw dropped.

The stalker turned huge, watery eyes up at Chisame. "Y-You haven't told your family about me _yet...?"_

"Why should I?-!" Chisame growled.

Sora looked completely dumbfounded. "Should... Should I be worried about this?" she asked no one in particular.

"Yes," Ayaka opined.

"Yes," Yuuna seconded.

"Yes!" Ako thirded with a shudder.

"It's only girls' love," Makie said, shrugging like it was nothing.

"Who gives a crap?" Eva muttered.

"It should be Chisame's only chance to score ever, so let them be," Misa said.

"I agree with this," Misora nodded.

"I hate all you guys!" Chisame hissed.

At the other car, Chiri was pushing Itoshiki forward. "Sensei, do your duty and bring Tsunetsuki-san here! We need her to get an even number of 30 for our class trip!"

With a sigh that was half a whimper, Nozomu walked next to Matoi. "Tsunetsuki-san, please. Kitsu-san and Hasegawa-san are right. Your place is with us…"

She shook her head, stubborn as ever. "No! I must go where my heart tells me to, and my heart commands me to follow Chisame-sama while lashing me with the spiked whip of urgency!"

"It's nothing but a week's span!" the adult man argued. "In the big scheme of our lives' tragedies, seven days of happiness or sadness are nothing, destined only to be swept away by the cruel tides of time after we die!"

"Um, yes, it's no big deal, Tsunetsuki-san," Negi intervened. "I'm sure these days will fly by very quickly..."

"No, no! I'll die if I'm forced to stay far from Chisame-sama! She's the water to my roots! The sunlight to my leaves! The moviegoers to my film studio! The fuel to my tank! The food to my stomach! The Tom Cruise to my Scientology! The readers to my manga!" the stalker insisted.

"But you should have fun with your own classmates..." Satsuki pointed out softly.

Matoi looked back at 3-F. Harumi was drawing Superman/Bizarro porn, while Kotokon trying on a new wig. Meru was hunched over her cellphone sending Natsumi insulting prank messages. Chiri was arranging all the seats in the car, and Kanako just sat there with a blank, vapid expression. Mayo played with a knife, and Ai apologized over the train being late because of her. Abiru had stepped back out of the train and was tugging on the tail of a passing stray dog.

"... No, thanks," Matoi deadpanned.

Itoshiki put his cadaverous hands on her shoulders. "Tsunetsuki-san. Listen to me," he stated, growing firm and serious. It sounded so manly even 3-A took momentary note. "I know well we are all deeply flawed. I know we may not live up to your standards. But you're a part of us, and we are a part of you. We are a unity, for worse or far worse. We are birds of a feather flovkin together, partners united by whims of fate, but still united. So I want you to prove how strong you truly are by walking into that car with us and spending a hopefully remarkably mediocre at best week in Okinawa with your class!"

The stalker blinked. "Itoshiki-sensei?"

"I'm in despair! Seeing how little we mean to you drives me to despair!" he lamented. "Do you truly think so little of us? Haven't we always been nice and understanding to you? I haven't flunked you despite your constant absences! Kitsu-san helps you with your homework when you're too busy stalking your lovers! Okusa-san cooks your meals when you forget to eat being too busy admiring someone! Kafuka constantly encourages you! Mataro hooks you up with her underworld contacts! Fujiyoshi-san draws you free comics starring your current crushes!"

Chisame gasped. "That girl's made manga out of me?-!"

Harumi whistled innocently, hiding away her copy of _More than Fifty Four Negi and Chisame Threesomes._

"Otonashi-san doesn't send you poison e-mail anymore!" Itoshiki went on. "Kimura-san won't sue you now you stopped crushing after her foreign good looks! And do you know why, Tsunetsuki-san? It's because _we care about you!_ ** _I care! So please, don't abandon us! Not only will you disappoint our trust on you... but you'll also make us look bad!" he finished._**

Sora blinked. "Ah?"

"That's the way he and his class are," Madoka waved a hand. "Try to think as little of it as you can, Hasegawa-san."

Then a sound cut through the air. _Jiiiiiiiiiiiii!_

Chisame was the one who blinked now. "Ah?"

Matoi was looking up at Itoshiki with gigantic, loving eyes full of all the devotion in the world.

"Oh crap," he whispered.

"Sensei! Do you have any idea what you've just done?" Nami gasped.

Kafuka smiled. "Ah, how cute! Now Matoi-chan really _is one of us! Natural order has been restored!"_

"... Well, going by her prior history, we knew this would happen eventually," Shizuna sighed.

_Jiiiiiiiiiii..._

"Is she... She's..." Chisame babbled.

Misa chuckled. "What? Jealous now the that old bat got herself a new cave to hang around?"

Chisame forced herself to shake her head. "Don't make me laugh! If she goes away forever, all the better!" She turned around and stomped into the car, brushing past Negi and Hakase. Both of them shared perplexed looks.

She still could hear it even as she took her seat and looked away.

_Jiiiiiiiii..._

….

Later, after Itoshiki stopped trying to force open a window and throw himself through it (Chiri had sealed them all), he returned to his class' side, seeing most of them had dozed off as the train sped on. Only Meru and Harumi remained awake, the former sending even more poison text messages, and the latter drawing porn 4-koma. Both of them were literally in their own little worlds.

"Fujiyoshi-san," Itoshiki said.

"Mmmm?" the mangaka asked.

"What has happened to Tsunetsuki-san?" he asked.

"What?" Harumi looked at Matoi's seat lazily, finding it was now occupied only by a log with a note attached to it. She picked up the piece of paper and read, "Dear Itoshiki-sensei and Friends: Thanks for caring. I love you too. BUT I'LL ALWAYS LOVE CHISAME-SAMA MORE! Kisses, Matoi."

Itoshiki facepalmed with both hands.

Harumi laughed. "As expected from Matoi-chan! Not only did she date a ninja once, but an actor too! She even had _me_ fooled! I'll bet she's all over Chisame-san right now!"

"How could she?-!" Itoshiki yelled. "H-How could she jump from a moving train to another successfully, without us even noticing?-!"

Harumi shrugged. "Let me tell you about this other guy she once dated. His name was Nabeshin..."

….

At the same time, in another train...

"CHISAME-SAMAAAAAA! Please forgive my apparent defection, but I had to fool them to continue pursuing our unending love...!"

As the Sempai kept on hugging her from behind, Chisame exhaled a token exhausted, deeply bitter breath. "I should've known it was too easy..."

Satomi pouted jealously, making Sakurako pout jealously in turn. "Such profoundly illogical and unhealthy behavior," the scientist said

"Will someone please explain me if this girl is Chisame's girlfriend or not?" Sora asked.

"I'll tell you as soon as I figure it out myself..." Negi promised.

….

**Eva and Chacha.**

"Ha..." Evangeline sighed lazily, sitting on top of the main academy building's roof, eyes half closed, enjoying the breeze on her face. "This place sure feels better without all those annoying, noisy children around..."

Standing next to her, Karakuri stared into the distance longingly. "This is the first time in more than a year I've been away from them for so long..."

Eva groaned. "You don't need anyone but yourself to keep on living. Start putting that into your mind, because you'll most likely outlive them all."

If Karakuri was some way or another displeased by the reminder, she didn't show it. "Are you saying I actually don't need _anyone_ , Master?"

The vampire rolled her green eyes. "I know where you are trying to get, Chachamaru. And yes, _my_ Chachamaru needs _me_ , but I'm not so sure _you_ need _your_ Evangeline. You've grown very above my servant's level, in pretty much all things that do matter."

"I need her as much as my other self needs you, let me assure you, please," the gynoid disagreed respectfully. "I'm also sure Karakuri-san will soon catch up to me, and perhaps even surpass me, with the help of everyone around her."

The blonde snorted. "Nonsense. What good could anyone derive from being surrounded by annoying whelps?"

Chachamaru smiled calmly. "They're our family."

Evangeline now cringed in disgust. "If you're so nostalgic about them, you should've gone with them, sheesh! I don't want to hear you whining about their absence all week long!"

"I won't," she promised formally. "Additionally, I wouldn't leave you here completely alone, after my counterpart had to leave..."

"I'm perfectly okay without anyone looking after me!" Evangeline boasted. But after a brief pause, she added, "Regardless, if your master would decide, for some reason or another, keep my servant for herself, I **will** take you in compensation!"

"I'm sure the Master would not—"

"Just in case!" Evangeline interrupted her, smiling to herself at the prospect of gaining a much more powerful servant. "By the way, Chachamaru..."

"Yes?"

"Exactly _how_ did you gain a Pactio with Boya, and why?"

"I'm sorry, but the Master has forbidden me from sharing that information with anyone in this world. Even you."

"Come on! I'm your Master now! My word is your law! So speak, immediately!"

"I... I think I should go prepare dinner..."

"It isn't even 5:00 P.M. yet! Come back here! CHACHAMARU!-!"

...

**\- To be continued...**

**Omake: Lovely Ariadne Theater, Part 3**

The girls (and the tiny talking baby dragon) sat in a circle on the darkened room, holding hands, or hooves and claws in Twilight Sparkle and Spike's cases. It still was a bit unsettling for Emily to have an unicorn pony _not only sitting besides her_ , but also _putting a hoof on her hand while putting another hoof on a diminutive dragon claw at her other side_. Spike's other claw was being hald in Gosalyn's right hand as the _other_ duck girl sitting in the middle of the circle began to levitate, eyes closed, humming loudly, hands on her knees. "Hmmmmmmm... Hrrrrmmmmmm... Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmm hmmm hmmmm... Owattaloonyam... Owattaloonyam..."

The blond duck girl was wearing a long pink robe, and a big pink bow on the top of her head. She had just entered what seemed to be a mystic trance, her eyebrows twitching randomly as a huge blue aura swirled around her.

"Oh, this is just ridiculous..." Emily mumbled. "I shouldn't have let you rope me into this..."

"Maybe we could learn something..." Twilight Sparkle whispered, keeping an analytical look on the duck hovering over them.

"Hush!" Gosalyn, for once, was the one to impose silence. Consulting the other duck, after all, had been _her_ idea. "I wanna listen what does she have to say!"

The blond fowl girl stiffened, opening her beak and pointing a hand in Gosalyn's direction. "You will be, like, reunited with your father!"

"Keen!" the redhead's eyes shone.

"But it won't be, like, a joyous reunion! There is so much bad karma to be healed and junk!"

"Ah?" Gosalyn blinked.

Without explaining, the finger aimed at Emily. "You! Like, you'll fall in love soon! You'll meet your fated soulmate!"

The beast girl's eyes grew huge. "NAGI-SAMA!"

"And it'll be someone from the Old World!"

"NAGI-SAMA!" Emily gushed.

"Who will **not** be Nagi Springfield!" the oracular duck warned.

Emily's face fell. "Ah?"

The blond feathered girl was pointing at Beatrix now. "You'll soon, like, meet your greatest idol, and you'll talk with him and stuff!"

Beatrix's face betrayed no change, but her soul soared.

Emily pouted. "'And stuff'? What is THAT supposed to imply?-!"

Collet gasped aloud. "What does my future hold? What does my future hold?-!"

The fortune teller fell silent.

"... Well?" Collet asked, a bit worried now.

The levitating one came down, walked to her side still in the same trance, never opening her eyes, leaned against her ear, and whispered something into it. Collet's face grew crimson as the soothsayer floated back into place, reassuming her former position.

"Collet, what—" Gosalyn began.

The bespectacled girl hid her face between her hands. "Oh, it's so shameful...!" she cooed.

"You don't... sound too sorrowful about it..." Emily observed.

"It's still shameful...!" Collet squealed.

"I'm not that sure I want to know my—" Twilight Sparkle doubted.

The blond duck grew solemn. "A great hero will ride into glorious combat on you, someday, somewhere. You shall be the steed of a new age, the harbinger of a decisive battle for the sake of everything you have cared and shall care about. Like, it will be cool and all that junk."

Twilight cringed, putting a hoof on her chest. "Me...?"

Emily, Collet, Gosalyn and Beatrix all tried to imagine Nagi/Darkwing Duck/Jack Rakan riding into battle on top of Twilight Sparkle, then bursted into laughter. Yes, even Beatrix. To some proper degree.

Finally, the floating duck addressed Spike. "You will, like, grow up to be a gigantic, wise old dragon respected all across Mundus Magicus, much beloved and powerful, telling epics about this age's exploits. Unless this world happens to collapse on itself or such junk before that, of course."

He brightened up. "Ahhh, what are the chances of that?"

And then, the spell broken, she floated back down to the ground, opening her huge blue eyes. "Well?" she asked. "Like, what did I say during the trance?"

"Ohhhh, Shirley!" Collet had to giggle. "It was SO EMBARRASSING...!"

"What do you usually mean with 'and stuff' when talking about personal relationships?" Emily asked with a frown, crossing her arms.

...

**Tales from Mundus Magicus- Mini Extra**

He wasn't one for much social contact anymore, but even he had to ocassionally visit a town for groceries and assorted random stuff. And kicks. Some liquor, and a few rumbles to keep the old muscles active.

As luck would have it, during that one time, one of the largest Air Whale ships he had ever seen appeared over the town, releasing a horde of pillaging, rampaging, rather sexy female pirates all over the unsuspecting populace.

"It's the _Nirvana_!" one salesman cried. "Run for your lives!"

"What's the big problem?" the huge man scratched his head.

"They're heartless monsters!" the much smaller guy trembled violently. "They kill all men, seduce all women, and kidnap the little girls so they can raise them!"

"Hey, I haven't found anyone who can kill me yet! That's why I'm alive, after all!" the towering figure shrugged indifferently, starting to walk in the opposite direction the panicked masses were taking, and towards the landing airship. "I'll just have some words with them, maybe spank them a bit to teach them manners if they're too tough!"

The merchant stared, appalled, at such display of careless idiocy before continuing running away for dear life.

One hour afterward, Parfet adjusted her cracked, huge round glasses and looked up and down at the wounded, but still apparently recoverable, wreck of their massive whale-ship. "Hard to say only one man could cause such incredible damage..."

Jura Basil Elden rose from the dust, long golden hair flowing in the dry wind, stars in her blue eyes. "I want a child from that man...!"

Behind her, her shorter... partner Barnette fingered her guns angrily, inwardly vowing to find that man and kill him. Even if she had to take a number in a really, really, really, really long list for it.

The elder Captain Magno sat on top of the wreckage, humming sagely to herself. "So, this is the true power of that man, then... The legends weren't exaggerated at all for once. Very interesting. B.C., bring me something to drink while we wait for the repairs to be over, will you?"

Her dark skinned second in command nodded and obeyed dutifully, even while inwardly sulking about that man's audacity. How could he guess enough of _her secret_ to know exactly where to touch for a confirmation, she didn't know, but she still couldn't believe he had dared to do it...

...

**Sailor V Says**

_Anarchyyyy! Everyone wants to be me! Anarchyyy yeah! Get it up so I can see! Anarchyyyy! Let it flow wild and free! Anarchyyyy yeah! Y'all ready for the gig?_

"Hello, sweet chunks of meat out there! I'm Anarchy Panty, and this is my sister Stocking! We'll be handling today's closing segment!"

"Yeah, about that, I was wondering... How did you get Minako-san and Akira-san to let us handle this?"

"Heh, heh heh..."

"Oh nuts. I shouldn't have asked..."

_(Cutaway to a naked Minako and Akira on a bed, twitching at random intervals)_

_Akira: "This isn't going to be canon, is it?"_

_Minako: "Kami, I hope it is...!"_

"By the way, Panty, I thought you only were supposed to go after men. You never liked women before this fanfic."

"Yeah, well, what can I say? I had to cope. Since everyone and their dog in this fic is bi..."

"I'm not!"

"You'll be. Everyone's shota for Negi, and everyone's cyberfan for Chiu. That's this episode's moral, by the way."

"It... It can't be! I don't want to! I must find a way to never meet either of them through this storyline, then!"

"And how do you plan doing that? They're the protagonists, you know!"

(Draws her striped katanas out). "I'll go Negimaru on their asses before I fall for them vile charms! If it's kill or die, then I sure won't be the one who dies! BAN-ZAIIIII!-!-!-!-!" (Runs off-screen).

(Panty sits there, still and looking bored. She relaxes back, pulls a cellphone, makes a few calls, then plays some PSP, a yo-yo, flips through nudie mags, polishes her fingernails, and ends up checking the Chiu homepage in a laptop. Then, finally, Stocking comes back, panting, her clothes in disarray).

"How did it go, then?"

"Read... Just read the next _More than Fifty Four Negi and Chisame Threesomes_ if you want details, will you?"

"Heh heh, told ya so. You can't go against the episode's morals..."

"Shut up, just shut up. See you next chapter, everyone..."

...

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Time Traveller:_ **

**Full Name** : Princess Chachamaru Ataraxia Entheofushia McDowell Springfield-Chao of Ostia and Vespertatia

 **Known Aliases** : Karakuri Chachamaru, the Last Imperial Princess, the Steel Princess, the Princess of Heart, the Last Princess of Ostia, "My cute little Cha-chan"

 **Alignment** : Cat-loving Supremely Lawful Extremely Good

 **ECL** : Rank S-SS threat

 **Religion** : Tea, kittens, niceness and Evangeline

 **Sexuality** : As a non-biological non-reproducing being, she technically does not need one, but a confirmed Negi-sexual.

 **Family** : Chao Lingshen ('paternal' mother), Hakase Satomi ('maternal' mother), Evangeline A. K. McDowell (primary role model and caretaker), Negi Springfield (teacher, ancestor, Magister, friend and incestous(?) romantic interest) and Hasegawa Chisame (closest human friend, despite Chisame's denials).

 **Affiliations** : Mahora Academy, Evangeline A. K. McDowell, Ala Alba, the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association, the Mahora Academy Robotics Club, Chao Bao Zi.

 **Background** : Activated four years ago in time to join middle-school class 1-A, she was created ostensibly at the request of the Dark Evangel. Created using a then-heard mix on magic and science, Chachamaru was originally created to be a servant, companion, and weapon of mass destruction.

It is unknown when she started developing beyond the pre-established bounds of her programming, as well as the beginnings of what could only be called her 'soul'. Hakase believes it was two years after activation. I personally believe it was as little as four months, when she met her first cat. Perhaps it had to do with the AI algorithm Hakase derived from MIT. It certainly wasn't anything I contributed, as the timeline had not yet radically shifted, and I was yet unaware of Responsometer hardware, Device AIs, Motherbox Operating Systems, or Power Ring Conceptual Ids.

But we digress.

Chachamaru developed slowly and quietly for the next two years. All this changed, however, when Negi Springfield arrived in Mahora. Subsequent interactions in the next six months established more relevant social interaction for Chachamaru than had her previous 2 years, to my lasting shame and failure as a mother.

During Mahorafest, she assisted me in my plans by hacking the computer systems of the Academy and shutting down the defenses. She was countered by Hasegawa Chisame, who nearly succeeded in overcoming her in time. Her subsequent interactions with Chisame indicates either programming anomalies or that Defeat Means Friendship might be some kind of underlying universal law.

After Mahorafest she assisted with the training of Negi Springfield in physical combat and was a founding member of Ala Alba. Her physical body was updated by Hakase, who also provided her with several alternative bodies.

The incident at the Megalomesembria City Gateport led to her being teleported into the middle of a Mundus Magicus Rainforest with Negi-sensei. They later encountered Chisame and Inugami Kotaro before they exited the rainforest.

After Ala Alba managed to establish themselves in Mundus Magicus, she and Asakura Kazumi went on a trip around the world in an attempt to find their lost companions. They only managed to find Ku Fei. Chachamaru was also able to establish a Pactio with Negi Springfield, thereby proving the existence of her soul.

In the end, she, like the rest of Ala Alba, was instrumental in the defeat of Kosmo Entelekhia. Things, however, did not settle down. She, also like the rest of Ala Alba, was drawn into the incident known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case.

During the Wolkenritter's attack on Mahora, she was occupied fighting several of her sister units that I had activated to provide cover for the Wolkenritter. She was also one of those who responded during the Invader mass-activation incident at the end of the 5th Holy Grail War in Fuyuki city.

She has finished middle-school and graduated with her class into high school, where she is still an active member of Ala Alba.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Chachamaru was, at the time of her construction, the most advanced mechanical artificial human on the face of the Earth, and the only one with a soul (sadly, the production of the Red Tornado android since then has debunked the second and thrown doubt on the first). Powered by a magical spring, with a contained fusion power pack as a back-up power source (which since version 3 has been encased in a magic spear-proof case— DAMN IT, THAT AVERUNCCUS CUT MY DAUGHTER IN HALF!), she was originally armed with eye-lasers, retractable rocket punches, strategically located booster jets, concealable feet skates, and hover and limited flight thrusters. Super-strength and high durability are of course included. She was also loaded with a comprehensive electronic warfare and anti-magic package, as well as highly advanced combat combat programming loaded with every known martial art style on the planet. Her only failing at the time was a lack of realistic skin covering.

Strangely— or likely not, considering Mahora— no one noticed, and for some reason, everyone thought her antenna were 'orthopedic earmuffs'.

I didn't ask.

Her latest incarnation, after her second major upgrade, in addition to all previous features of her first and second incarnations, now boasts: long-range supersonic flight to be able to compete with the current crop of Metahumans, extraterrestrials and magic-users; extreme-speed actuator servoes; a three-day magic spring; Device-derived tachyon-particle combat processors for high-speed data calculation; head-retractable antennae to facilitate her integration; rune-Reinforced Titanium shell; head-mounted mini-vulcans and shotguns; improved magical-sensor package, now able to detect Nasurian, Mid-Childan/Belkan, and 'Wild' Magic; retractable rocket kick; extendable finger claws; arm-mounted shield generator; more energy options for her arm canon (sonic, freeze, heat, lightning, ice flechettes) as well as 'Nanoha Grade' energy output (though really closer to Lyrical Grade); new configurations for her arm-blades; new ninjutsu combat and infiltration package; a Mercury/Hasegawa magitech electronic warfare/countermeasure package; a built-in wand; and an updated magical database (not as extensive as Kuro, but we're getting there).

Overkill? Have you **_seen_** what's out there? I'm not letting my daughter walk around in anything less anymore!

Her soul has also provided her with abilities beyond her Pactio Artifact ( made by yours truly as recompense for three years of unacknowledged birthdays). Testing has revealed Chachamaru possesses the ability to use Magisterial Wizardry to a currently unknown degree, though the potential is still undeveloped and mostly subsidizes her power source. Her only known spells are currently _Lux_ , _Ardescat_ , and _Sagitta Magica_. Not surprisingly, her elemental affinity is lightning.

She also possesses the ability to make friends with any cat she meets.

...

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Time Traveler, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade:_ **

**Full Name:** Izumi Ako.

 **Known Aliases:** None.

 **Alignment:** Lawful Good.

 **Religion:** Shinto.

 **Sexuality:** Originally and primarily heterosexual, but extremely recent developments have confused and disoriented her on the subject.

 **Family:** Izumi Takeya (Father, deceased), Izumi Neneko (Mother, deceased), Izumi Soujiro (Uncle), Izumi Kanata (Aunt, deceased), Izumi Konata (Cousin), Narumi Yui (Cousin), Kobayakawa Yutaka (Cousin).

 **Affiliations:** Sagisawa Yohko and Marikawa Shizuka (nurses serving with her as her superiors in the Mahora Academy Health Department).

 **Background:** Born in a middle class family who struggled to enroll her at Mahora, Ako always was a sickly girl while growing up. That seems to be a trait of most females in her family, as her aunt Kanata (who married her cousin Soujiro, a famous writer) died young because of a tragical illness, and her cousin Yutaka is similarly frail and weak.

At the age seven, Ako was caught with her parents in a double car crash that claimed her parents' lives and left her with a large deep scar on her back. That scar has been a major psychological hangup for Ako, both as a reminder of her tragedy and as something she feels makes her 'ugly' and unfit for romance. The crash was officially deemed an accident caused by reckless driving on the part of the other car's driver, who also died along his wife, leaving an orphaned young daughter as well. The other child's name was Tomoe Mami.

In a strange parallelism, both children ended up being adopted by their respective uncles and attending the same Academy. To this day, Ako seems to hold some strong but unspoken dislike for the remaining Tomoe family members. Apparently, according to Yuuna, she knows it's unjustified on her part, but she can't help feeling it.

Hoping to cope with her personal feelings of loss, Ako briefly worked as the manager for a boys' soccer club, and dabbled into the sport herself. Right now, however, she prefers devoting her time to her side job as an assistant school nurse.

In the recent trans-dimensional incident, Ako was transported briefly to a parallel world where she met both a much younger version of herself and a much older version of Negi Springfield. The incident only strenghtened her already existing romantic leanings for Negi. When I rescued her from her displacement, she learned about the existence of magic, and she has agreed to keep my actions a secret, without involving herself with them.

Even more recently, Ako seems to have gotten herself involved in a love potion induced lust frenzy along Yuuna and Makie. After the potion's effects subsided, she was wrecked by shame and regret over her actions, and her emotional stability seems to have suffered a new blow. It is necessary to keep a close eye on her for the time being.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Right now, Ako is only a normal, slightly weaker than average, girl of her age with an unstable physical health. Despite that, she's a talented soccer player and can perform quite impressive feats of leg and kicking strenght. She's also a very skilled nurse, other than the fact she can't stand the sight of blood. Being in automobiles also seems to disturb her.

In previous iterations, upong establishing temporal alliances with Negi, Ako gained an Artifact based on a giant needle that granted major increases in power, speed and strenght after being applied... on the butt of any nearby ally. She should gain a similar Artifact under the same circumstances in this timeline.

Curiously, after being approached by the being codenamed Kyubey (see entries- Incubators, Entropy) in the car crash in Iterations 19, 28, 86, 350 and 792, Ako gained Puella Magi powers based on the use of scissors and knives. All those instances ended in tragedies, and as such, it is advised to try and keep her away from any possible Incubator-related events.

...

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OM, signing off.

* * *

**Next Time:**

**Frogs!**

**3-A finally seets foot on Kyoto!**

**The Joker gets a gift that will change his life!**

**Tosaka's pact with (sort of) the devil!**

**Chigusa makes her first move!**

**And Negi has a certainly interesting bath time encounter! That's why our next chapter will be titled 'The Naked Spy'! It'll grab you by the… lapels!**

 


	36. Lesson 31: The Naked Spy

_Again! 2814 Girls Fake Name Roll Call!_

Asuna= Kanda Akemi

Chisame= Shimura Yumi

Haruna= Ishige Sawa

Setsuna = Kobayashi Yu

SCM's A/N: Not much of me here, as I was rigorously trying to pass Ancient Belkan 13– long story.

OverMaster's A/N: Just to make a few things clear:

The Joker is Tsukuyomi's father in the 2814 continuity, but not the Unequally one.

SCM actually wrote a good chunk of this chapter.

There's actually a good explanation for Eishun, regarding this chapter's ending. Don't jump on conclusions on him yet.

...

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

by OverMaster

  
**Lesson 31: The Naked Spy** or **Nostalgia.**  


Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Ah my Goddess!_ and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: This fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing and slight amounts of Christmas Cake. Try it, it's very good cake. Very sexy cake. The cake just wants to beloved! The cake is not a lie!

...

_Na na na na na na- Unequally!_

**Previously, on Unequally Rational and Emotional...**

Joker: Last time we saw our heroes, Negi and Chisame had been rattled by the shocking revelation of their being half-siblings!

Negi & Chisame: Say what?-!

Joker: Meanwhile, with only two weeks left to live, Kuro looks for the Thousand Master, hoping to kill him before he can stage the dreaded return of David Hasselhoff to music!

Asuka: What's wrong with David Hasselhoff?

Joker: Kuro starts coughing blood and guts just as she's confronted by the first of the Thousand Master's elite minions, the feared Hibiki Dan!

Dan: SAIKYOO!-!

Kuro: Hey, I'm supposed to be the one giving the misleading recaps here!

Joker: Commissioner Gordon turns on the Bat-Signal, but the valiant Dark Knight is unable to answer! While he was tired and reeling from the combined attack of his worst enemies, including the handsome, sexy, polite, awesome and humble Joker, Bane broke into his house and his back!

Harley: How comes I didn't get that memo?

Joker: With Bruce W— sorry, Batman, down, young and plucky Tim Drake must fetch newbie hero Jean Paul Valley to assume the mantle of the Bat over other qualified and trusted candidates, while Dick Grayson sits aside eating nachos!

Haruna: Wait a minute, this is the plot for _Knightfall_!

Deathnote: Tim Drake isn't even Robin in this continuity!

Joker: Can a neophyte Batman claim Gotham back? Or will the forces of darkness prevail? Don't miss the answers in this pulse pounding chapter of _Unequally Rational and Emotional_!

Erebus: This is supposed to be a Negima fanfic!

Kuro: Damned Joker Immunity!

Calculator: Half siblings? Really?

...

**Prologue: Twilight of the Goddesses.**

_Fifteen years ago._

The black haired boy looked up in awe. The skies had grown as red as blood, and there was a glow in the extremely distant horizon, over the sea, in the south. He wasn't even registering how icy cold the windy air was, or even how his little sister bawled, clutching him and shaking. He could only think of how beautiful those lights were.

There were screams of terror far behind them as well, coming from the village, but again, he wasn't listening anymore.

"K-Keiichi-nii...!" His sister pounded her tiny fists against his chest. "Let's go home...!"

Absently, he put his hands on her shoulders. "Just two minutes more, Megumi-chan..."

Then there was that feminine voice, somehow familiar despite being completely unknown. An even, slow and controlled voice, yet laced with a somber air about it.

"Listen to your sister, boy."

They turned around and looked at the tall woman with dark skin, green eyes and long, wavy, silvery-white hair. She was clothed in deep blue and black, and glared down at them with an expression that was nearly impossible to describe, much less by two little children.

Big Brother instincts kicking in, Keiichi hugged his sister protectively. "Who are you? You aren't from this town."

"No," the woman mused, looking at the big light in the horizon. "I'm far away from home. I lost my way, and I'll never be able to return. But the same thing shouldn't happen to you kids."

"We're okay. We aren't that far off," Keiichi said. "We come here all the time to play..."

"This isn't a time like all the others, Keiichi," the woman told him. She extended a hand to them. "I'll take you back home. Everyone's worried about you."

Megumi seemed ready to follow her, nodding with a tearful smile, but Keiichi held her firmly in place. "How do you know my name? We aren't going with a stranger who's as suspicious as you."

The strange woman blinked, then smiled after a bout of silent outrage. "Good boy. Always the same no matter what. Of course you'll protect your sister. Okay then, I'll step back," she held her hands up. "But go back right now. Children shouldn't be out during times like these."

Morisato Keiichi frowned, but ended up nodding and rushing back for the small coastal village, almost dragging his sister with him. Mom had been exhilarated to no end as soon as she saw them back. Dad said nothing, only hugging them tighter than he ever had before.

Weeks later, Keiichi had heard it all had been because of some weird incident in the South Pole. He hadn't minded it much then, but he thought it was almost a shame he never would see such beautiful skies ever again.

He never saw the dark skinned woman again, either. Although, thinking about it, she _was_ fairly similar to the woman he had met days ago, at Negi-sensei's office. The mother of that Rainyday girl who was juggling several balls right now.

_Now._

Keiichi continued dozing off at his train seat, trying to ignore the chattering schoolgirls all around, even those who were whispering about him and Sora and giggling. He had the feeling it'd be for the best to try to ignore them for the trip's duration as long as he didn't have to actually look after their safety. Most of those girls looked like trouble. And those skirts were far too short. Last thing he needed was a misunderstanding damaging his reputation and legal profile forever.

Was that tiny girl _actually_ whispering to her blushing twin sister what he _thought_ he was hearing her whispering?

 _Definitely better to block it out_ , he decided.

...

**Prologue 2: The Big Summoning.**

Night fell over F City, in the Fukuoka Prefecture. It's a simple group of nine words, but it holds a lot of activity.

Yes, I'm sure you've heard something like that somewhere before.

"BWAAA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAH!" a hyperactive young blond woman clothed in light green marched through the dark streets, swinging a huge curved sword in one hand. "Obliterate! Eliminate! Lord Il Palazzo told me so! Genocide! Manga artist-cide! And an order of homicide to go!"

However, none of the activity featured in this chapter will have anything to do with Secret Organization ACROSS' attempt to assassinate any famous manga artist.

"What?-! NO!-!-!"

Instead, we move the focus of our attention to a huge, majestic, not particularly decadent manor in the city's outskirts, where a tall, attractive young blond woman looked down at her research.

You know, Japan has a lot of relatively tall young blondes for being, well, Japan. But we digress.

Luviagelita Edelfelt, magus, felt a large, disturbing smile creeping up her face, and she welcomed it. To think she'd be part of the Fifth Holy Grail war! Hah! She'd show that bitch Rin. A Servant, yes, she'd finally get a Servant, a real Servant and not just a maid, and as soon as she did, the first order of business would be to get it to kick the Japanese bitch's ass!

Second order of business would be kicking Kanzuki Karin's ass. And then Tenjouin Saki's. And Adilicia Len Masters'. Oh, and don't forget Jinguji Kuesu. Yes, it was going to be a busy month...

She felt an evil laugh bubbling up and didn't even try to suppress it as she threw back her head and made like Neil Patrick Harris in a Joss Whedon production. The shade of the lamp next to her shifted ominously…

The even younger Miyu Edelfelt, in her room, looked up in concern as the sound of her employer's laughter echoed through the mansion, sighed, and went back to cuddling her pillow. It felt like something was lacking there, though…

Meanwhile, in London, one Illyasviel von Einzbern shuddered. Had she just felt arms around her...?

...

**One Froggy Evening… I mean, Day.**

Natsuki kept on watching the tall woman in the maid outfit sitting in front of her.

Neither of them had made any move or sound for the last few minutes. Their breathing was barely perceptible as well.

With her hands on her knees, Natsuki fought the urge to twitch her itching nose. Somehow, it looked like the creepy gigantic maid would jump on her if she made the slightest sudden motion.

At the same time, Roberta waited for the train to stop with the patience of a sniper on the prowl. She could feel something odd about that girl and her overall stance and attitude, despite the fact she was doing nothing at all. Still, exactly what that was, Roberta couldn't put her finger on it.

She carefully put her umbrella on her lap just in case.

The excited chattering sounds from Class 3-A could be heard from the next car, supplying all the background noise there was. The passengers around the two quietly staring females were too intimidated, for some reason, to make any sounds of their own, except for the small bunch of little girls sitting off by themselves with a blank-faced teenager and being occasionally checked up on by a chaperone.

Natsuki cursed inwardly. The stupid Chao had _promised_ to put her in a car apart from them all...!

Roberta sighed inwardly with sweet relief, even though her face betrayed no change. Oh, her Señorita sounded like she was having so much fun...!

"GET OFF THE BRAT ALREADY, IINCHO!"

"I'M JUST TALKING TO HIM IN A PERFECTLY NORMAL MANNER, YOU DIRTY MINDED APE!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU RUBBING HIS HANDS THAT WAY, HUH?-!"

"HE JUST TOLD ME HE WAS COLD! I ONLY ATTEMPTED TO WARM HIS FINGERS, WHICH ARE A TEACHER'S LIFE!"

Yes, the Señorita seemed just as lively as ever...

Natsuki, meanwhile, looked at her wristwatch. Dear God, they still weren't halfway there...!

...

"Oh!" Negi said as he returned from the bathroom, finding a large number of the girls playing some sort of card game. "That looks fun! What kind of game is it?"

"It's _Overpowered_ ," Yue explained. "It uses thinly veiled, barely legal versions of real-life superheroes and supervillains in duels against each other."

Haruna grinned, holding a few of her cards up. "They've gone way up in price too since an angry Black Adam blew up the company that produced them! I was lucky to buy my full deck the week before!"

"Ah, I see," Negi sweatdropped.

"Ah-hah!" Sakurako told Madoka. "My Salomon Grande depletes all of your Tarantula-Man's hit points! I win!"

Madoka groaned. "I knew I shoulda brought my PSP."

 _Well, at least they aren't playing Baseball Jaken again,_ the young teacher told himself before moving on, giving a dozing Evangeline a brief concerned look. Sitting beside her, Chachamaru smiled at him. Relieved, Negi walked back to his seat next to 'Nelly' and tried to relax.

"Tea?" 'Nelly' offered from the thermos he had. "Your favorite."

"Oh, thank you," Negi said, accepting the little cup. Girls watching twitched in jealousy.

"My Sailor Planetoid kills your Asgardian Champion!" Yuuna slammed a card down before Haruna. "How's that, Fangirl?"

"Agh! My faith in the mighty Stormbringer hammer, shattered!" Paru cried. "But you just wait! I still can bring two extra heroes into play with all the points I've amassed! You'll see," she looked into her purse, "... because I have the most powerful card of them all right here—"

Nodoka blinked. "Aren't you suppose to play cards from your deck?"

Then a big, fat green frog jumped out of Haruna's purse, landing stomach-first on her face. "BLERGH! I **HATE** REPTILES AND AMPHIBIANS! GET THIS THING OFFA ME!"

Fuuka blinked before laughing out loud. "Bwa ha ha! Good one, Misora-chan!"

The pseudo-nun-in-training scowled. "... I'll never shake off this reputation, will I?"

Fumika scowled back, showing her own purse, which had a terrifying jack-in-the-box coming out of it.

Misora shrugged. "Yeah, well, I did _that_ one, but I don't use or manhandle animals! It goes against my principles! Plus, frogs give me warts."

"That's just a baseless superstition," Akira said. "And it's supposed to be toads that give warts, not frogs."

Yue shook her head, noisily sipping from a large glass of juice with small marshmallow pieces floating in it. "How childish. Haruna, really, that's no reason to overreact like—" She recoiled as a smaller, darker frog popped its head out of her drink, making her spit out what she had in her mouth immediately. "Gross!"

Asuna raised an eyebrow. "Another one?" Then she felt something crawling through her hair, ringing her bells softly. "Eh, I have one on me, too!"

Kazumi yelped, shooting up to her feet and patting her bum several times. "I-I think I've got one in my underwear!"

Eva opened one eye and mused, "Well, those animals like perpetually wet places."

Asakura frowned, still trying to get the unwelcome presence out. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Sensei, do something!" Fumika shrilled. "They're everywhere now!"

"They're in the bento box..." Satsuki observed calmly, looking down at one of the frogs. "On the plus side, I know a few good recipes for their legs, but then, they're so cute it'd be sad..."

"Cute? Like hell these things are 'cute'!" Misa shook a pair of obese frogs that had made their way on her left arm. "Ewww!"

Negi looked in all directions, trying to find a source for the intruders. "Okay, everyone, calm down! It's no big deal! I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason for it—"

"Magic," Erebus muttered under his breath, only audible to the mage, as he tried to clear frogs out of the overhead bin.

"Biblical Plague!" Natsumi's teeth chattered.

"Haruna, they're going to punish us for your sins!" Fuuka cried. "Next our firstborn will start dying!"

"Excuse me? I'm not the one fooling around with a sister! And you've got your order of Plagues all wrong!" the tall librarian protested.

Negi persevered, running from side to side as he and Erebus tried to gather as many frogs as they could. "— and if we just keep our heads cool and work together, we'll have them all caught in no time!"

Kaede huddled in a corner, breathing in and out of a paper bag, her usually calm voice cracking painfully. "All over me! All! Over! Me! Slimy! Cold! Mommy, help me! The long tongues! The huge vacant eyes!"

"... Nagase, is that really you?" Chisame asked.

"That's Kaede-nee's weak point," Fumika sighed. "That's why we haven't watch _The Muppet Show_ since we moved in with her..." A pause. "Gonzo hasn't married the hen yet, has he?"

"For the last time, Sis, that show ISN'T a soap opera!" Fuuka said.

...

Asuna, aka Twilight Red, napped serenely as frogs jumped all around them.

"This is actually pretty complicated," Yue said conversationally, ignoring the frog on her head. "Even for an Eastern spell. To summon so many Shikigami without giving them some kind of prepared physical vessel to inhabit, in such numbers and from within sealed places like drinks and bags is actually quite a feat. I have more respect for this Amagasaki woman's talents now inretrospect."

"They're pretty cute," Konoka giggled, holding a cute litte tree frog in her cupped hands. "Can you make something like this, Set-chan?"

"Too complicated for me, Oujo-sama," Setsuna said, carefully taking a few off her lap. "I only know the basics, as well as a few specific tactical measures. Though if taught, I might manage it."

Kuro stomped past, kicking frogs roughly out of her way, hands opening and closing like she wanted to e holding a blade. "Stupid oriental Onmydou," she muttered savagely as she tried to keep order. "Why do they have to fuck around with frogs? Give me a good fireball any day…"

"You can't _do_ fireballs, Kuro-chan," Asuna said, eyes still closed, ignoring the frogs around her. "You keep saying you're a swords girl."

"I'll learn," she growled.

Chisame sighed as she typed, her maids keeping her relatively frog-free. "I'll never understand supervillain logic. This goes right up there with the guys who use million dollar robots to rob banks and convenience stores."

...

"Leave the frog catching to us, Sensei," Keiichi-san asked, with a cringing Sora, a determined Ku Fei, a scowling Asuna and a serene Akira standing behind him. "You'd better attend the rest of your students. I think a few of them are... down."

"It's not only the students, either..." Chisame monotoned with an unconscious Shizuna's head on her lap.

"Chisame-sama, could you please drop that worryingly MILF head on someone else's lap?" Matoi asked her.

"I'll take care of her," 'Nelly' volunteered. "I know basic first aid. Chisame switched with him, to Matoi's relief, the stalker nodding gratefully at the mage.

Negi breathed in and took charge. "Okay, thanks, Morisato-san! Iincho-san, please go bring water for those who fainted! Asakura-san, call the train officers and tell them to send someone here to help! Health Rep-san, attend to—"

"The Health Rep's down too!" Nodoka said, fanning a spiral-eyed Ako.

"I'll sub for her!" Matoi offered, always eager to show off before Chisame. "I took nurse training while DEEP LOVING Itoshiki-sensei's doctor brother!"

"Okay, Tsunetsuki-san," Negi nodded. "I leave that in your hands then."

"You're trusting our health and safety to a 3-Fer?" Fuuka said doubtfully. "Isn't that like driving Jewish children to a Nazi daycare center?"

Chisame rolled her eyes. "It's only a bunch of frogs hopping around! Not like we're falling from Ebola!"

"Are you sure you don't mind doing this, Akira?" Asuna asked while she and the swimmer gathered as many of the slippery animals in bags as they could.

Akira nodded quietly. "I'm perfectly fine with this. I always liked frogs, and all animals who live near water. As a matter of fact, I had a few pet frogs while growing up."

"YOU AREN'T HUMAN!" Kaede cried frantically, dramatically pointing her finger at Akira

_In a distant, decadent universe, Akira sneezed._

"It doesn't mean you have to stop to pet them, though," Yuuna observed.

Akira blushed charmingly while stopping caressing a bull frog's head. Yuuna's face betrayed no change, but the basketball player swooned inside. "Sorry. I just got carried away," the tall girl apologized, getting back to work.

"I can sympathize," Chachamaru offered.

Chamo hopped in Akira's direction, making small croaking sounds and pouting his mouth up for kisses, but Misora slammed a foot on him before Ookuchi noticed him.

...

Roberta was actually rather used to have frogs on her head. Back when she served in the guerrilla, she often had to spend half a day or more submerged in swamps, waiting for a chance to strike, with tadpoles swimming between her legs and their parents croaking on top of her wet scalp. It never had been a big deal for her.

Still, she knew most young girls in this country were far more sensitive than she was at their age, so it was a bit surprising to see the girl sitting opposite her remaining so calm and expressionless even when there were amphibians crawling and croaking all over her.

"Don't they... annoy you?" the maid asked.

"I'm well used to slimy annoyances," Natsuki replied, keeping a stoic face.

Roberta nodded, understanding. She kept on listening carefully to the voices from the next car, especially her Ojou-sama's. She wouldn't reveal herself unless there was an actual need for it.

"Th-There's one inside of my skirt now!" Ayaka yelled.

Roberta's grip on her umbrella and the gun hidden inside of it tightened. Only a frog, only a frog, only a frog, only a frog. No need to blow my cover, no need to blow my cover, no need to blow my—

"Aiiieeee!" Ayaka shrilled. "Wh-Where are you putting your tongue?-!"

"Ah!" a Rina Sato-sounding voice cried out in warning. "Be careful Iinchou!"

Natsuki saw Roberta's face shifting to a few interesting shades of different colors. "Are they making feel you bad? We could try getting rid of them ourselves, instead of waiting for—"

"No," the tall woman clenched her teeth. "I'm okay."

Natsuki only nodded, although her eyes remained fixed on the way the maid's big, strong looking hands, oddly callous for a domestic servant, looking more like a veteran shooter's hands, gripped her umbrella as if about to snap it by half.

Foreigners...

...

"There are just too many of them," Yue panted softly, holding a basket full with squirming frogs, keeping its lid pressed closed to preven them from escaping. But far too many others hopped all over the car. "No matter how many we catch, more of them keep on appearing."

"Maybe it's some kind of black magic or voodoo curse," Natsumi dreaded. "Juliet-san from Class 1-A told me about this once..."

"Come on, that's ridiculous!" Asuna laughed stiffly. " _Everyone_ knows magic doesn't exist!"

At that, Ayaka lifted an eyebrow. She knew Asuna well enough to know when she was lying through her teeth. And badly, at that. And she _had_ been spending a lot of time around Sensei lately, for someone who claimed to hate children.

Yuuna exhaled in defeat. "This is a lost cause. Let's just ask for a relocation...!"

"Can't we just coexist with them until we've arrived?" Akira asked, fully covered by frogs and not minding a bit.

"HELL NO!" Kaede shouted. "Die, slimy demon spawn of no genitalia and disgusting chins!"

Fuuka gave her an odd look. Just what happened to you, Kaede-nee?

" _I don t want to talk about it!_ "

Then Kazumi stormed back in. "Sensei, guys, I brought a specialist from the train crew! I guarantee this fellow can take care of this in no matter at all!"

"Oh, really?" Evangeline said indifferently.

"A SAVIOR...!" Kaede screamed melodramatically.

"Oh, please," Madoka and Chisame said at the same time.

Without any warning, a tall and bald black man appeared behind Kazumi, wearing a black jacket and blue jeans, and holding a machete in a hand and a net in the other.

"Enough is enough!" he said, in a trashed American-accented Japanese. "I have HAD IT with these motherfuckin' frogs on this motherfuckin' train! Everybody strap in! I'm about to open some fuckin' windows."

3-A, Negi, Sora and Keiichi stared on in wide eyed silence.

"What, there were no big-lipped alligators available?" Chisame finally commented.

"ANIMAL ABUSE!" Akira stole Chamo's catchphrase unwittingly.

Keiichi closed his eyes and seemed to mutter something about reading some script beforehand next time, or something like that.

...

**Interlude: Sayo.**

_Mahora._

"There," Kurosaki Ichigo said once Sayo had managed to cram herself inside of the tiny big headed doll with the adorable face, the old fashioned school uniform replica, and the long white hair. It had taken her a lot of coaching. She had to stop thinking of herself as having a body mass, and truly accepting she was only a spirit who could fit into any space, no matter how small it was. "Now try to walk."

Rukia and Kiri watched on, wide-eyed, as the doll took its first tentative step, then another one. Then she fell on her face. "Oh!" she cried. Rukia helped her back to her feet, and Sayo continued trying stubbornly, making Kiri coo and Ichigo to smile vaguely under his stern countenance. It took her more than one hour of attempts, but by then, Sayo was walking all over Itoshiki's desk in Classroom 3-F, in an utterly adorable way.

Kiri and Rukia broke into applause.

"That's incredible, Sayo-chan!" the hikkikomori said.

"You've made a lot of progress very quickly!" Rukia nodded.

"Unlike some other people..." Ichigo muttered. Without missing a beat, Rukia kicked him on a shin.

"Eh heh heh," Sayo said, floating out of the doll with a hand behind her neck. "Thank you. But I couldn't have done it if Kurosaki-sempai hadn't bought me this doll! It's even made in my image! Where did you find it, Kurosaki-sempai?"

"Find it? I had it custom made!" the former shinigami made clear. "It cost me a fat buck with that Urahara creep!"

Sayo's eyes went blank. "Oh, oh dear! H-How much did it cost you? I-I'll pay in any way I can!"

Ichigo waved a hand. "Never mind. Consider it a payment for taking good care of this useless girl's body while she's hunting." He jabbed a thumb in Rukia's direction. The short haired girl snorted.

"Then, with this, she'll be able to wander out of campus without having to hijack Kuchiki-san's body?" Kiri asked, examining the puppet carefully.

"That's right," Ichigo said. "Urahara said he had it made with ultra rare materials brought from Mount Osorezan in Aomori. Given enough time, he also could make her a full-sized human body, like this one I'm using, but it'll cost a small fortune."

"How much?" Rukia and Kiri chorused, reaching for their wallets.

"Idiots!" the boy cried. "Don't you worry about that! Only I should have to deal with that man, you hear me?-!"

"As stubborn as always, Ichigo," a manly voice came from the floor. That made him jerk back in alarm, hands reaching for a sword he belatedly remembered he didn't have anymore.

"It's... you!" Kurosaki yelled.

A surprised Sayo, Rukia and Kiri looked down as well, to see one of the cats Sakurako had left for the trip's duration, the black and thin one, sitting there looking up at them.

"The cat... The cat talked?-!" Rukia gasped.

Sayo shrilled, hiding behind Kiri. "It came for me! It's an Egyptian Netherworld Guardian cat like those we learned about in class come to take my soul to the other side! Save me!"

"Oh, don't worry. I don't reap souls anymore," the cat spoke reassuringly, making Kiri and Rukia wince, and Sayo tremble wildly. "It's been a long time, Ichigo. How's your family doing?"

"That's no freaking business of yours!" Ichigo replied sharply.

Kiri looked at him in a frankly stupid way. "Do you know this cat?" she asked, also in a frankly stupid tone.

"I helped to train him to become a Soul Reaper. In retrospect, I should have done more," the cat informed.

"Shut up!" Ichigo barked. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?-!"

"I'm living here for the time being," said the cat, conversationally. "Only for a few days, until my Master returns..." Then she found herself grabbed by Kiri, who lifted her up high and looked straight between her hind legs. "Not that I really mind, but next time, please ask first before doing that, okay? Or at least ask me out first. I'm easy but not THAT easy…"

Kiri blinked. "You aren't a tom. So why are you talking with a male voice?"

"That's one of the many things about her you don't want to know!" Ichigo held his hands up warningly. "Just trust me on this, will you?-!"

"A cat trained you?" Rukia asked dryly. "One hundred percent for real?"

"I don't talk about it unless the world is in danger, I'm under official inquiry, or it's my sisters asking. And you are definitely no sister of mine," Ichigo answered curtly.

...

**Chao goes Bananas!**

With most of the frogs captured, Erebus now had a pretty good idea of what would happen next. He slid to Negi's side, pulling him aside from Asuna, who was tending the unconscious Ako, and asked him in a whisper, "Do you still have the letter?"

"Huh?" he asked, but it was clear his confusion was feigned.

'Nelly' shook 'her' head, wondering if he was that bad a liar. He probably was. "I'd know, wouldn't I?"

Negi laughed. "Yeah, of course. Sorry, I forgot it in the heat of the moment. But don't worry, I have it right here..." He pulled a corner of the envelope out into sight.

Erebus gestured for him to push it back down. "No!" he said. He knew what would happen next; a swallow would swoop in, snatch the letter and fly away, leading to a very _painful_ misunderstanding...

Then the luggage rack right over his head flew open, and a chimpanzee jumped out and landed on Erebus' head, squealing while reaching quickly to snatch the letter off Negi's hands. "Hey!" the younger teacher yelped.

Erebus blinked, seeing the chimp bounce down to the floor, briefly taking its tiny fezz off and saluting before hopping the hell away down the car, scaring several of the girls. He blinked, mildly stunned. That didn't look like one of Amagasaki Chigusa's pet monkeys. It was wearing a green vest, and had a strange black glove on its hand, connected to several tubes poking out of it and linking to the back of its neck. "What...?"

The other Negi already was running like wind after the animal. "Hey, you! Give that letter back, please!"

"The more the things change, the more they stay the same, no, Aniki?" Albert crawled up to Erebus' shoulders. "Aren't you going after them too?"

Erebus frowned, pondering, before shaking his head, and picking up the White Wing badge that had been dislodged when the monkey had landed on him. "No. I don't think I need to. I'm confused, though. Why an ape? It should be easier for a mage to catch than a fake bird. Something doesn't add up here..."

"Well, if I remember right, monkeys were her theme…" Albert said.

...

Negi chased the fleeing ape down the train, wondering just what was happening here, exactly. Out of all the ways he had thought any renegades could have tried to steal the letter, a trained simian was the last thing that could have ever come to mind.

He could have caught the animal easily with a minor magical boost of his own speed, but in a car surrounded by shrieking students, doing that wasn't an option. Still, he stubbornly closed the distance between them, not minding too much about the letter anymore, being more concerned with his students' safety. An adult chimpanzee is far stronger and faster than an average adult man. He didn't even want to think about one of them running wild into one of his pupils.

So, naturally, that was what happened right then.

"Chao-san! Watch out!"

"Huh?" Chao Lingshen looked up from where she stood with Satsuki, fanning an unconscious Shizuna. She tilted a thin eyebrow as she saw the fleeing primate running towards them. She had believed her classmates had still been shrieking about the frogs, but how hadn't she noticed the ape's sounds? Was she slipping again?

Also, a _chimpanzee_?-! No matter the iteration, it _always_ had been a bird, and it _always_ headed Setsuna's way!

Still, that hardly mattered now. A new top priority kicked into her head: Protecting Satsuki. She stood right in the ape's way, making it to screech to a scared, frantic, panting halt.

"Chao-san, be careful!" Negi stopped right behind it. "Step aside! That animal is dangerous!"

She held a hand up, calmly. "It's alright, Negi-bouzou! I have a special gift with animals-ne?"

Chisame peeked warily from where she had stopped behind Negi. "Dammit, Chao, this isn't exactly a puppy! It's King Kong's underfed cousin!"

The Chinese girl laughed. "Chisame-san, don't blow things out of proportion! This is only a poor beast out of its habitat-yo. He's more scared of us than we are of him."

"You've been watching too much Animal Planet!" Yuuna warned. "Just look at the teeth of that thing! It could rip you apart in seconds!"

"It stinks," Makie pinched her nose.

"Chao, don't be imprudent!" Hakase gasped. "You cannot possibly perish before we have finished Project X!"

"... Project X?" Misa asked.

"Yes," Satomi nodded. "It is an ultra-secretive assignment directly from our liaisons with the Japanese govenment, but I suppose I can share a few specifications on the subject with y—" she was about to go into Out Of Control expo-rant mode again, but Chao silenced her abruptly.

"Hush! Don't be so noisy, or you'll startle him into—"

Then the ape waved his hairy arms, and jumped for Chao, teeth bared and potential Ebola at the ready. "Oook oook oook!"

"— attack," Chao sighed, quickly falling into a fighting stance, swiftly sinking a palm into the animal's solar plexus, sending him back and against the floor.

"Chao-san!" Negi moved in to help, but Ku Fei held him back by an arm. "Ku-san, why are you?-!"

The dark skinned blode waved a finger. "No, don't do it, Negi-bouzou! Trust Chao's skills, yes? You'd only get in the way and be hurt!"

"B-But—!"

"I told you, I'll be okay!" Chao smiled, somewhat beginning to enjoy all the eyes placed on her as she wiped her nose with a thumb, moving back and forth in her stance, and the chimpanzee growled, working back to his feet. She hadn't indulged herself into showoffish grandiosity in a while. It felt as good as ever.

"B-But—!" Negi repeated.

"Ook! Oook Ook Ak!" the primate lunged for Chao's throat again.

Again, she avoided the strike easily, ducking under the jump, grabbing an arm and using a flawless technique to slam the animal down. The schoolgirl crowd went wild.

"Kaede-nee!" Fuuka said. "Why don't **you** ever fight rampaging monkeys?"

"Hey! I fought that bear who attacked our camp last month, remember?" Kaede told her.

Fuuka 'hmphed'. "Bears are so last year..."

The ape rose back immediately, now even more furious, slamming his fists up and down. Sakurako began to take bets. Misa, Kazumi, Haruna and Matoi began a crescendo chorus of "Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo!", while Misora flicked a lighter on and waved it high.

"Professional help... please...?" Negi called out.

The ape clenched his teeth, drooling madly, bulging eyes fixed on Chao. The girl, not even breathing hard, only made a clearly Bruce Lee 'come on' gesture.

Most of the girls swooned, and hard. Matoi turned and sternly reminded herself she was in DEEP LOVE with Chisame-sama.

Springfield charm, after all.

Once more, the chimpanzee attacked with a plethora of savage grunts and growls, his hands reaching over but managing to grab nothing. Chao jabbed him twice in the face, her only effort coming from trying not to hurt him too much. Then she slammed a palm into his chest and roughly pushed him back to the floor.

The animal lay there panting and coughing.

"Is it over already?" Fuuka sounded disappointed.

"It doesn't look like it's getting back up," Madoka said.

"Chao, you're incredibly efficient as always!" Hakase put her hands together.

Sakurako made a muffled jealous sound. "... Adequate." _Darn it, since when has Hakase been so popular!-? I swear I had no competition when I asked her out!_

"I want your children," Fuuka whispered under her breath.

"Nee-chan!" Fumika punched her in an arm. "Share!"

Then, however, with a twitchy motion, the ape punched a button on the glove he was wearing. And a strange greenish liquid began pumping out of the glove, through the tube attached to it, and into the back of the animal's neck.

"What the deuce?" Chisame babbled.

Instinctively, most of the class backed away. Evangeline only yawned and relaxed on her seat, closing her eyes. Chachamaru frown in concern. Negi got his staff ready. Ku Fei rubbed her chin. Chao's smirk widened. "How interesting..."

"OOK! OOOK OOOK AK-AK OOOOK!-!-!" the beast yelled insanely, as his muscles seemed to inflate and bulge impossibly, drool escaping his mouth in all directions. His eyes grew as red as blood. "OOOOK OOOKKK OOOOOK!-!-!"

"Okay, now I've seen everything," Kazumi actually was stunned enough to stop taking photos.

Sakurako took a deep breath before announcing, "The betting pool starts again...!"

...

"What's going on back there?" Valkyrie Black asked as she cautiously opened a can of Bloodberry-Lime-Cherry-Maple juice and checked it for frogs before taking a sip. Calculator felt her blood sugar rising just by looking at it.

'Nelly' flopped back onto an empty seat. "The other me is fighting a monkey."

Twilight blinked. "A _monkey?_ "

"It looked like some kind of cybernetically augmented supervillain monkey," 'Nelly' said. "Either Gotham or Metropolis, though there's a chance it's from Central City too."

"Ah," Twilight said. "No Onmyoudyou bird?"

"Nope," 'Nelly' said.

"Shouldn't you help him?" Twilight asked.

"Nah, Chao's got it handled," Deathnote said as she walked up to them, plopping on to another empty seat to. "Her badass is showing. Though it seems kinda unbalanced that she's beating up a monkey."

"Ah, the prodigal daughter returns," Yue said. "Tired of being disturbing with your soulmate?"

"She's not my soulmate, she has a boyfriend," Deathnote said.

"Wow," Chisame said dryly. "She beat you to it!"

Deathnote gave her an annoyed look. "I thought you weren't a comedian?"

Over at the peanut gallery, there was a series of loud 'OOOOK's whose pitch changed with every word.

"Ah, definitely a supervillain monkey," Deathnote commented.

...

"Be careful, Chao-chan!" Fuuka shouted.

"Chao-san, stop doing that! Allow the staff to subdue that beast!" Ayaka asked, genuinely concerned.

Lingshen calmed her down with a gesture. "Easy, Iincho. Easy. I know what I'm doing. I'll have him down before you know it-ne!"

The ape growled and snorted, advancing towards her again, lunging ahead for a bite. Chao kicked him in the mouth, but the animal barely flinched this time. He clawed at her leg, leaving a red mark on it, before the girl's other leg swung in an arc and hit him across the jaw.

"Chao-san!" Negi still tried to stop her. But it was too late; Chao gave a chop at the back of the ape's neck, finding it felt as thick and tough as bricks. Venom. The super steroid used by several underworld figures to enhance their strength and endurance. Highly addictive, and forcefed into an animal with already existing strength to spare. No wonder it had driven him mad.

She hooked an arm around the tube pumping the greenish liquid into the chimp and tugged it off, making him yowl and bite around savagely, almost getting her. She could see her classmates making disgusted faces as the beast trashed around, forcing her to hop two steps back.

"Hey, Chao, want a hand there?" Ku Fei asked.

She shook her head. "Maybe if it starts flinging feces."

Asuna and Chisame groaned at the horribly bad pun.

With his supply cut, the chimpanzee began to tire out quickly, although his last movements only made him more desperate and dangerous. He swung his arms for Chao's midsection, putting her on the defensive and making her strike back mostly with kicks, never straining herself too much. Negi was impressed; he knew Chao was a martial artist, but hee'd never seen her actually fighting before.

The hairy animal mostly burned himself out to exhaustion after that, rather quick. Before long, it had collapsed at Chao's feet, closing his eyes before whimpering and falling unconscious.

The whole class but an impassive Zazie, a yawning Eva, a nodding Chachamaru and a gawking Chisame broke into cheers.

"That... That was so wonderful, Chao-san!" Negi approached her with huge deer eyes. "But-But are you okay? Weren't you wounded or anything?"

"I only had a surface scratch, Negi-bouzou!" she laughed, patting the back of her own head with a hand. Then she picked up the letter the monkey had been carrying from his vest, much to Chamo's puzzlement. How had she known exactly what and where to look for? She offered it to Negi, "Is this yours?"

"Oh! Oh, yes, thanks!" he tried to grab it, but she snatched it back with a giggle.

"What is it?" Chao teased. "A love letter?"

Negi's eyes bulged out. "WHAT?-! O-Of course it isn't!"

"Who did send it to you? Or who are you giving it to?" Chao continued as if she hadn't heard him, smirking deviously and waving the envelope just out of his reach.

"It's... It's from my cousin in Wales!" he had to lie. "Please give it back!"

Ayaka blinked. His cousin in Wales. The girl she had sent Wilson-san to investigate on. Most likely a mage as well. If _that_ knowledge fell into anyone's hands, Negi-sensei would be ruined...

So the Class Rep stepped in and yanked the letter out of Chao's hands. "Honestly, Chao-san! Act your age! Can't you see you're psychologically hurting him, separating him from a family memento? Shame on you!"

The blonde turned to Negi, smiling very lovingly while giving him the letter back. "Here, Dear Sensei. Never mind my classmates' rudeness..."

"It's Iincho's love letter to Sensei!" Fuuka sing-sang.

"IT'S NOT!" Ayaka roared at her. "Oh, and Asuna-san..."

"Yes?" Kagurazaka asked.

"Next time, make sure your cousin here stays in his seat!" Ayaka pointed at the felled ape.

"Okay, now that does it!" Asuna growled and jumped for her despite Negi's warning to stay back.

The fight that ensued was, in all fairness, more impressive than the chimpanzee one.

...

**Interlude: Yoruichi.**

_Classroom 3-F:_

"But how were you able to teach Ichigo how to fight?" Rukia asked Yoruichi. "No offense, but... you're a small, four-legged animal. How could you go beyond the theory in teaching him how to move?"

"Are you implying I'm not a good teacher because I can't move like you humans do?" the black cat questioned.

"Well, you have to admit, it's hard to imagine someone your size being able to do much more than advise in a fight..." Kiri pointed out as politely as anyone could while using those words.

 _Over at Akagi Ritsuko's apartment, Luna sneezed. Artemis sneezed in Aino Minako's bedroom. At Sakura Kyoko's now empty bedroom, Kyubey didn't sneeze, but his nose itched_.

"Well, I wasn't his only teacher," Yoruichi recalled. "And I didn't always use _this_ form..."

For some reason, Ichigo's right eyebrow began to pulse like a seismograph. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Yoruichi asked innocently.

"Don't do what you're about to do!" the boy growled.

"Do what?" Rukia, Sayo and Kiri found themselves asking at once.

"I don't know. I guess he's afraid I'll show my true form. Do you girls want to see it?" the cat asked casually.

"Does it look like a giant tentacled beast with multiple eyes and fanged mouths spouting hellfire?" Rukia asked, making Sayo shriek. "Oh, sorry, Sayo-chan! I forgot you're sensitive..."

"I don't look like that at all," Yoruichi said.

"A-A-A being of pure darkness made of five dimensions, with a bowler hat on top of your head?" Sayo guessed next, gasping.

"Not at all!" Yoruichi snapped.

"Rosie O'Donnell?" Kiri asked.

An icy deadly silence fell over the classroom. Finally, Yoruichi could hiss, in a very strained tone, "I hadn't been that insulted in centuries..."

"Ah! Sorry, sorry, I'm very sorry!" Kiri bowed quickly, with manners perfectly copied from her classmate Ai-chan.

"No matter what, don't do it!" Ichigo angrily warned the cat.

Yoruichi seemed to shrug her shoulders. "Very well. I won't." And she only looked aside indifferently.

After a few moments of staring at the feline with distrust, Ichigo relaxed only a little.

Then Yoruichi's body suddenly glowed with a blue light, and vapor began to spread quickly around her, as her form stretched abruptly, a long mane of purplish hair sprouting from her head.

"DAMMIT, YOU LIAR!" Ichigo covered his eyes with his hands very quickly, although Rukia noticed he was still looking through his fingers. What…?

Like in an episode of _Manimal_ , Yoruichi's limbs grew longer, two of them becoming hairless, brown skinned arms, the other two turning into slender, succulent bare female legs. Her whiskers disappeared. Two of her paws changed into feminine, yet strong hands; the other two became bare feet. From her chest popped out two big breasts, and from her posterior, a very fine derriere. Rukia's Breast Envy sense began to tingle madly.

And then she was standing before them like a glorious goddess, keeping her green eyes down on them, smirking confidently, hands resting at her sides. Ichigo had been reduced to a sputtering mass of nerves.

"You're... a girl," Sayo noted stupidly.

"I'd have preffered the tentacle beast," Rukia muttered darkly, resisting the urge to do _ANYTHING_ even vaguely involving her breasts. Damned busty cat!

"A naked girl," Kiri snorted, not as impressed as the other three of them. After taking classes with Maria, she was too used to seeing dark skinned people running around with no underwear on. "Put on some clothes, you hippy!"

Yoruichi just laughed it off. "Oh, you know you love it, you dea—" A split second later, she had some of Kiri's shirts and shorts tossed straight into her face, forcefully closing her mouth.

Ichigo blinked, changing from an impressed and panicky tone to a merely impressed tone. "Wow!" he told Komori. "It's the first time I see _anyone_ tag her!"

Kiri shrugged, not making much of it. "I'm unbeatable in closed spaces, I guess..."

...

"Well, once you start stripping, that's my clue to get going," Ichigo hurried to turn around and walk for the door.

"I'm putting on the clothes right now," Yoruichi observed while pulling Kiri's shirt on her body. Kiri grew annoyed as she saw her shirt didn't quite fit the brown skinned woman's generous chest.

"Still going! Got things to do!" Ichigo waved a hand around. "Oh, and Sayo..."

"Yes?" the ghost asked.

"Sorry for not bringing that puppet before. I knew you'd have liked using it for your class trip. But that stupid Hat and Clogs-man couldn't have it ready before today," the boy grumbled.

"Kisuke is a good guy, really..." Yoruichi opined.

Sayo smiled sweetly. "It's okay, I don't mind! I'm very glad to spend my time here with all of you!"

Ichigo nodded slowly, before rasping and going out the door. "Well, sure, whatever. Have fun doing whatever you girls do for fun. Rukia, I'll call you if there's another Hollow attack."

"Sure thing. Bye," Kuchiki waved him off weakly.

Once the four of them were alone again, Yoruichi chuckled and pulled her shirt off again, chest bouncing up and down. "What are you doing now?" Kiri frowned.

"Isn't it obvious? I get more comfortable," the dark skinned beauty stood up, pushing her shorts down. "There aren't any boys around anymore, so why to bother with modesty?"

Rukia grimaced. It wasn't that the sight was bad at all... but somehow, that made it _worse_... "You aren't fond of clothes at all, aren't you?"

"No. That's why I prefer spending my time as a cat. At least people doesn't freak out when I'm pantsless then," Yoruichi sat bacck down, in a lotus position. "What if you try it too?"

"No thanks," Rukia's voice snapped.

Kiri seemed to ponder it. "What's so great about it?"

Yoruichi shrugged. "It's... liberating. Maybe you can't step out of this room, but you at least can feel free in some other way. I'd say you should take advantage of the school being deserted right now; you might not have a chance when classes start again..."

Rukia snorted. "As if we would—"

But then she saw Kiri starting to unbutton her white shirt. "Oh, for the love of God, Komori-san!"

The hikkikimori looked down sheepishly. "I don't get to do new things too often..."

Floating between them, Sayo looked at her school blouse curiously. She began tugging it off, growing marveled as it slipped off her, revealing her old style brassiere. "Wai! I can take my clothes off! I never had tried...!"

Rukia sighed and stomped for the door. "See you guys tomorrow!"

...

"Hello, what can Mc Ronald's do for you today?" Ichigo droned, standing behind the counter, wearing a stupid paper hat and a sour expression.

Stupid human need to pay the stupid bills. He was Soul Society nobility, damn it! He'd die of shame if anyone saw him working there!

But in the end, a very small part of him told him, it was worth it, after seeing Sayo's thankful smile.

He needed to look into it. It wouldn't do, to... feel so much sympathy for a dumb Plus. He was too kind, that's what he was. He needed starting to take Renji's advice and grow more callous.

Yeah. He'd do that.

Right after getting enough money to buy a human sized body for Sayo from Urahara, of course.

At least, no one from Soul Society would ever look for him there...

"A Big Rad hamburger for me, Kurosaki-kun," a softly smug male voice told him, snapping him out of his definitely-not-daydreaming-dammit. Ichigo stared at the vaguely smiling face with glasses before him now.

"Ishida."

Ishida Uryuu nodded at his classmate. "Good to see you've finally started remembering my name, Kurosaki. Do you think you can remember my order long enough for me to eat it?"

God, he _yearned_ to punch that face.

At least, no one _from Soul Society_ would ever come there...

He was reassuring himself that when the next customer came in. He had to look way down at her. It was a very short little girl. "Hey, kid. What can Mc Ronald's do for... you..."

The little girl lifted her **way** smugly smirking face up to meet his stunned gaze. She had blond hair made in twin girlish pigtails.

"Hiyori," Ichigo growled.

...

Later that night, Yoruichi, in cat form, returned to where Felicia and Blair, Sakurako's two other pet cats, rested about to sleep.

"I told them my secret today," Yoruichi cuddled down between them.

"Ah!" Felicia yawned cutely. "Not ours, right?"

"Not yet. They aren't ready yet. Step by step," Yoruichi replied.

Blair hummed and closed her eyes. "Flashed them silly, didn't you?"

"I think I may have converted Kiri-san," Yoruichi purred.

Felicia patted her back with a paw. "Good girl, good girl..."

...

**Destroyer Duck.**

The Edelfelt Manor, in F City

"OOHHH HO HO HO HO!"

The loud laughter almost made Miyu fall off her bed. It resounded all through the building, slightly cracking a few windows and making some beautifully kept, delicate potted plants wither and die. "I HAVE DONE IT! I HAVE SUMMONED HIM! I— HAVE—" her master's voice weakened abruptly, cracking in an almost painful to hear whimper, "—what?"

Then, only silence.

Miyu opened her eyes and pulled her head up from under her pillow. "Luvia-san?" she asked.

Of course, there was no answer. The question had only been rhetorical anyway.

The young girl got up and carefully tiptoed her way to her mistress' quarters. Broom firmly in hand, ready to whack at discretion, just in case. Oh, if only she had a talking magical instrument of power to help her fight, or something like that...

No.

That was simply ridiculous.

In another universe, Magical Girl Prisma Miyu Kaleido Sapphire sneezed.

She could hear the beginnings of something horrible gurgling from her mistress' throat. She didn't have to look in to know Luvia-san was clenching her fingers, gritting her teeth, tensing her whole body, ready for an explosion...

And then she heard a male voice asking Luvia, "Are you supposed to be my Master, little girl?"

Miyu finally looked in, and saw, standing before her employer, surrounded by dark smoke in the middle of a huge crater that had swallowed almost the whole room and had even made the ceiling cave down, a duck. A big duck in a black cape, a hat obscuring most of his face, a thick black mask, and bright yellow clothes that gave him a rather threatening aspect despite how silly they should have looked in practice. But still, a duck.

Luviagelita's whole face was twitching. "What... What kind of... creature are you?"

The duck (a duck!) chuckled evilly. "I am the most fiendish terror that flaps in the blackest night. I am the shadow that sticks to your back as soon as you turn the lights off. I am the Stephenie Meyer movie you can't unsee! I am..." he flapped his cape around dramatically, "THE DESTROYER!"

Luvia slammed both hands on her own face. "A Destroyer! The most destructive, unruly, undisciplined class this side of Berserkers! Why a Destroyer?-! THERE SHOULD BE NO DESTROYERS IN THE CLASS SYSTEM!"

The duck rolled his eyes around. "I can see this is gonna be a long, long War. And not the kind of long War I like. Which is an achievement in itself, girl, because I tend to like anything long and violent. Congrats," he snarked. Then he noticed the black haired girl spying at the door. "Hey, kid. You're the one who'll help me and this airhead siphon Mana from the townsfolk, right? I'll give you a list of what you need to gather. First, a good quality chainsaw—"

"We aren't going to do that!" a scandalized Luvia shouted.

The duck gave her a deadly icy glare. "I'm not sleeping with you for Mana, Toots."

Luvia growled and punched him between the eyes.

Why hadn't this crap happened to that Rin bitch?

_Somewhere, Rin sneezed. Like you didn't see that coming._

...

**Interlude: The Audience.**

It wasn't the first time Akagi Ritsuko stood naked before an inquiry of her superiors who were sitting hidden in the shadows, high above her. In her prior life, SEELE had used an identical tactic to demoralize and humble her while questioning her on the subject of Ikari Gendo's activities. When it came down to it, divine beings and humans weren't that different at all.

Well, Ritsuko hadn't broken down back then, and she wouldn't now.

"Sailor Pluto," said one of them. "The fact you have neglected to stabilize the current temporal instability has been brought to our attention."

"We don't need to remind you all of existence is under extreme risk of collapsing in on itself, or do we?" another High Being asked. "The continued activities of time travelers have resulted in a merging of realities and a change in paradigms we have barely been able to cope with. Yet, the possibility of travel through time still exists. Why have you not fully sealed the Gates of Time yet?"

"Sir," Ritsuko said, arms at her side, unfazed by her own nudity, speaking as evenly as if she had been giving an academic lecture in full garb. "The process is a long and complicated one, and I'm not as experienced as Meioh Setsuna was yet. Plus, I have to supervise other developments on Earth at the time. Two new Senshi have just woken up, for instance. And guiding them down the correct path is going to be extremely difficult..."

One of the voices seemed to hum. "You raise a valid point there."

"And then there's the upcoming Grail War…" Ritsuko continued. "And the possibility of a HIME Festival at Ohtori..."

"I have my money on Saber," one of the deities commented.

"Are you crazy?" another one argued. "Berserker is the one who will claim victory this time!"

"Berserkers always lose!"

"In case you have not noticed, all rules of reality changed this time around! Except the "Death and Taxes" clause and the Twilight Sucking corollary!"

"Ahem!" a commanding female voice coughed, imposing silence upon everyone. "Regardless, Lady Pluto, please do try to hasten your duties. Keep in mind this is an extremely important matter. Well, that's all for today," her tone grew considerably less solemn, chipper and brighter, as the lights went on, revealing the figures sitting above. The fair skinned, dark haired Peorth, the one who had dismissed the session, clapped her hands. "Any final questions for today, Lady Pluto?"

Ritsuko's right eyebrow shook violently. "Why... Why are you all naked as well?"

Peorth shrugged. "Well, it'd have been horribly unfair to have you there naked while we sat here as if we were any better than you, don't you think? The eternal rules may state all mortals have to stand testimony the same way you were when you arrived to the world, but we're gods, not monsters. Well, Azatoth, Khorne, Tzeentch, Slaanesh and Nurgle aside, of course." Five annoyed grunts came from the other side of the tribunal. "If you're going through it, the least we can do is show solidarity... er, so to speak"

"This wasn't my idea, I swear," the god– er, Overlord of all CRACK! said.

"Ah," Ritsuko said flatly. "Thank you so very much..."

The Spectre nodded sagely from under the confines of his dark green cloak and nothing else. "And millennia of wearing those tight underpants can get infernally uncomfortable eventually..."

"But of course," Ritsuko said, silently wishing for some Brain Bleach. "May I dress up and head back home now?"

"Sure you can, _chere_!" Peorth chirped. "But before you do, don't you want to play some Twister with us?"

A mortified Skuld pressed her hands over her own crotch. They _really_ needed Belldandy back...

Death lounged next to her, heedless of her nudity, her top hat still on her head. Nice as she was _, no one_ made her ditch the hat. "Has anyone seen Taxes lately?"

...

**The Threat of DEEP LOVE.**

Nitta-sensei fumed angrily, arms crossed, standing before the assembled students just out of the train in the Kyoto station. Behind him, Suzushiro Haruka, Discipline Officer for the combined classes of the trip, stood with her arms crossed behind her back.

"Well, Tsunetsuki-kun? What do you have to say in your defense?" he finally asked.

"I did it for love!" Matoi replied dramatically. "You cannot stand in the way of love! Love might be patient, love might be kind, love might not envy, boast, or be proud, it might not dishonor others, be self-seeking, easily angered, keep no record of wrongs, it might not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth, but it always protects! Always trusts! Always hopes! Always perseveres! Love never fails! When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure! _Faith! Hope! And_ ** _Love_** _! And the greatest of these is_ ** _Love_** _!"_

Her listeners swooned, and Chisame blushed in mortification, looking embarrassed and covering her face. Negi and Erebus s eyes sparkled, entranced. "That was beautiful…" they chorused. Both Harunas frantically took notes.

"Kill me…" Chisame muttered. "Kill me now…"

Misora frowned. "Give me back my Bible! I borrowed that from Cocone-chan!"

"That's the same thing you said when you bugged the clinic of Itoshiki-sensei's brother!" the stern man barked.

"The police never proved it was me! I wore gloves!" she challenged.

"You just admitted it..." Yue droned.

"Don't explain the joke, Yuecchi..." Haruna put a hand on her head.

"And then you hid yourself in Aoki-sensei's car!" Haruka added.

"I wasn't going to lose to a third-grader brat!" Matoi protested.

"Last year, you followed Suzumiya-sempai to Hawaii! While you were supposed to be in Hokkaido!" Nitta looked about to pop a vein off.

"Now that was a mistake," Tsunetsuki conceded sadly. "Haruhi-chan used me and then tossed me away so cruelly when it turned it we couldn't do sacrifices to the volcano anymore..."

Chisame twitched. "Used you...?"

"Never mind, Chisame-sama, I'm a new woman now, reborn through your love. That used woman is dead and buried now..." the stalker promised.

Nitta and Haruka gave Chisame a pointed glare, and to some lesser degree, so did Sora. Haruna and Kazumi snickered. Negi blinked, unsure of what to say, or if he should say anything at all.

"I didn't do anything to encourge her, I swear!" Chisame claimed.

"Just checking," Nitta huffed, tacitly admitting most of Tsunetsuki's crushes were fully unrequited. "Still, Tsunetsuki-kun, you need to be punished over this. Your parents will be called immediately, and you will be sent back with them..."

The he noticed Matoi had started looking up at him with huge doe eyes.

Nitta gulped. "T-Tsunetsuki-kun...?"

"Ahhh, you're soo-ooo right, Nitta-sensei...!" she cooed. "Thank you for showing me truth with your wise, commanding words! I'm so impressed with your unerring discipline, I regret all my misdeeds! Please, do call my parents right now! So I can tell them I've found the One True Love Of My Life!"

The capitals were plainly audible to all listening.

Haruka did a wild take. "W-What?-! What was all that talk about love just now?"

"I like my men with decision and determination!" Matoi declared grandly. "I like men who never back away on a decision! The second they change their minds, I lose interest on them! But as long as they stay on the right path, just like you'll always do, admired Nitta-sensei, I'll never stop having them treasured in my heart!"

Nitta cringed. "No, seriously, what are you—"

_Jiiiiiiiiiiiii..._

Nitta sweatdropped. "Tsunetsuki-kun, if you think you can—"

_Jiiiiiiiiiiiii..._

The teacher looked towards Takahata, Shizuna and Seruhiko for support, almost desperately. All of them just looked away piously. Judases. Darn it, why did she have to be irresistible to young, hot girls NOW, and not twenty years ago? Was be becoming one of those Memetic Sex Gods?

_Jiiiiiiiiiiiii..._

Finally, Nitta deflated with a weary sigh. "I see I have been far too strict with an obviously mentally unstable person. Please accept my apologies. You can stay for the trip's duration, as long as you don't get near scissors, knives, or anything else that can hurt others or yourself."

Matoi looked disappointed and looked away. "Oh. You're just like all men..."

But, as Negi led Class 3-A on their own way along Kuro, Sora and Keiichi, Matoi immediately clung to Chisame's arm again, gleefully. "The power of love triumphs again! True love and false love working together create wonders!"

"You realize he just called you insane to your face, don't you?" Chisame groaned.

"To be fair, everyone but him had realized it already," Misa observed.

Sakurako put a finger on her mouth. "So we finally found his weak point! To get something out of him, we must pretend to like him?"

"I'm not enough of an actress," Natsumi mumbled.

"There are things we never could do, no matter the reward," Kaede mused.

"No reward in the world is big enough to justify that..." Ku Fei crossed her arms behind her neck.

...

**Finally!**

"Kyoto! Kyoto! We're finally in Kyoto! It seems like it's been months since we were told we'd come here, and now we actually are here!" Makie pumped a fist up and down, prancing around like a child high on sugar with Fuuka and Fumika, who looked even more so. Ayaka sighed, thinking at least she mostly seemed to be over her depression by now. Ako and Yuuna, on the other hand...

"I think this is the Kiyo Mizu temple, right?" Misora unfolded a travel guide and read up and down it. "The place from where you're supposed to jump off to have good luck?"

"I wonder what would happen if Sakurako jumps off?" Fuuka asked herself aloud.

"Hey, Sempai," Haruna called in Matoi's direction. "I'd bet your Sensei would have loved to come here and take that jump, wouldn't he?"

The stalker shook her head. "The survival possibility is 85.4%. That's too high for his liking. He isn't happy with anything below Golden Gate Bridge levels of risk."

"Is there any way to survive THAT fall at all?" Akira asked.

"He did," Matoi replied with a shrug. "Twice. It's off his list."

"That's that famous bridge in Australia, right?" Ku Fei questioned.

Yue finished sipping her carton of Black Mercy Extract and pointed to their right. "This is the famous Kiyo Mizu stage. It's used for dancing and staging Noh plays in honor of Kannoun-sama, the Buddhist goddess. It's even been declared a national treasure. There were 234 recorded cases of people jumping from here during the Edo period, but now it's prohibited by law."

"Wow, you sure know a lot on the subject, Yue-dono," Kaede smiled.

"Yuecchi's an avid reader of anything related to Buddha statues and shrine paraphernalia," Haruna explained.

"The part after 'anything' wasn't really necessary," Misa observed, with a small chuckle.

"The view from here is amazing!" Negi marveled, standing between both designated drivers, Chamo perched on his right shoulder. "I think I can see the whole city!"

"Yeah, and the weather's just great, too!" Fuuka enjoyed the breeze on her face.

"Now, now, don't get too close to the edge, okay?" Keiichi-san asked. "These barriers don't look that strong..."

Fuuka looked at him, paused, and nodded before stepping back to her sister's side. "Chisame's brother-in-law is a real worrywart..." she whispered into Fumika's ear.

"Brother-in-law?" the other twin whispered back.

"They study together, they came here together, they're the same age!" Fuuka struggled to keep her devious tone low. "It's obvious they're a couple! I'll bet they'll take the first chance they get to slip aside to do naughty things! And that's _our_ chance to escape away and have fun, too!"

Fumika's face took on a worried expression. "I don't think you mean the usual 'Escape away to have fun' here, Oneechan..."

"Oh, that too, if you want. But I'd like to explore this city without chaperones breathing down my neck!"

"Ah, I just remembered something else," Ayase spoke again. "Going further from here, there's also a fortune telling place for your love lives. It's very popular with the tourists and local ladies."

Now that caught everyone's attentions. Everyone but Negi's, who still was enjoying the cool wind, with his eyes closed.

"Eh?-!" Makie's eyes widened.

"Love fortune telling, you say?" Ayaka asked.

"Tell us where!" Fuuka, Makie, Misa, Sakurako and Misora said all at the same time.

"And disaster comes galloping on the fastest horse in town..." Chisame muttered.

...

**Your Future is in Your Hands!**

Deathnote perked up at those words. "Ooh, love fortunes! We should totally have those done, girls!"

"Oh, is there someone you like, Sawa-chan?" Haruna asked.

Chibi-Nodoka and -Yue perked up a little, morbidly curious despite themselves. _Did_ their Haruna in fact like someone? After all, if she did, statistical probability said that person was most likely Negi… or Emiya-san… or Yuuno-kun… or Nanoha-chan… or Yue herself… or—

Actually, there were a LOT of choices…

Deathnote laughed. "Eh, I don't have time for something like that, Paru-sama! I have to work on my manga, world domination, and my sideline as a magical girl! Romance just complicates things. So doth it sayeth in the Most Holy Scriptures!"

She pulled out a vellum-inscribed copy of the Evil Overlord List, complete with the amendment articles for henchmen, mad scientists and evil queens.

The other two (out of four) Ala Alba librarians facepalmed.

Haruna nodded solemnly. "Ah! Truly you are verseth in the ways of ebil…"

Deathnote turned to the others. "Well?"

Yue took a breath to say they had no time for such silliness, that it was unofficial United Magical Girl Association Policy to not try to do any divination regarding anyone else in the group (spawned not by an incident involving Negi, but rather that time Hayate caught Sailor Pluto trying to time-scan Yuuno– and yes, Negi too…), that they should be planning on looking for whatever it was that had Evangeline singing like a bird… and deflated. "Eh, why not? It should be interesting to see how spot-on they are…"

Twilight and Calculator looked at each other and shrugged. "Eh, it's not like we can have a riot with so few people," Chibi-Asuna said.

"Let's go!" Maga Alba cried, dragging AngelGARd behind her.

"Have fun, Yu-chan!" Matoi called to Chibi-Setsuna. "May the DEEP LOVE be with you!"

The apparently-older-but-actually-younger Chisame blinked at her in surprise. "What, don't _you_ want to know what your fortune is?"

"I don't need to," Matoi said, and glomped her. "MY FORTUNE IS TO ALWAYS BE WITH CHISAME-SAMA!-!-!"

Hakase's eyebrow twitched. Sakurako's did so as well in response.

Evangeline sniffed. Her nose went 'TSUN'! "Idiots and children, all," she said derisively. There was a beat. "Wait for me!"

Erebus smiled. It was nice to see the master enjoying herself. She deserved it.

Now, if only Chachamaru were here…

...

_Back in Mahora…_

"Achoo," Karakuri said. "Excuse me."

The local Evangeline stared. "Did you just _sneeze?"_ she asked, blinking.

"In order to better simulate humans, I have made a program to randomly make me sneeze. It helps authenticity."

...

Negi, the drivers and 3-A had gathered at the supposed fortune teller's, which was actually a rather big stand, but seemed tiny with so many people crowded around it. The young teacher recognized several artifacts and magical implements (most of them of Celtic origin) that hung around the girl running the stand, which actually seemed to be a legit one. It briefly made him wonder how was Anya doing in London.

"Good afternoon, everyone!" the girl greeted her new clients cheerfully, speaking in a heavy Kansai accent with a hint of English that made Negi feel nostalgic. She was rather pretty, with relatively short brown hair, bright blue eyes, and glasses. Over her typical Japanese clothes, she wore a black cape and pointy mage hat, not unlike those used at Merdiana. Negi noticed a tiny pin on the girl's chest. It was the symbol of another magical Academy in England. "My name is Honami Takase Ambler, and for a ridiculously low fee, I'll tell you everything you need to know about your future love life! Step closer, don't be shy! I've trained under the best masters of both Eastern and Western fortune telling! Who will be the first one to—"

"Me! Me!" Makie made her way to the class, almost jumping on the young half-foreign mage. Misa, Misora, Ayaka and a few others groaned their protests; but it was too late now; laughing easily, Honami-san grabbed Makie's left hand and began examining the palm. Negi noticed she was very careful and exact while doing so, as much as Anya or Konoka when she practiced with her classmates. She surely knew what she was doing.

"Wow, what a spirit!" Miss Ambler said, smiling and keeping her eyes fixed on the lines of Makie's palm. "I can see you'll be quite an effusive lover without even—" Her voice trailed off uncomfortably, and she blinked. "— even looking at your— your—"

"Something wrong?" Makie asked, a bit concerned.

Honami forced a grin and shook her head. "N-No, it's nothing _wrong_ , it's just... just..." Her gaze wandered around the confused 3-A, finally settling on Yuuna. "You! Let me see your hand, please?"

"Eh? Me?" the basketball player asked. "But why? I'm not interested in—"

"Just let me, okay?" the fortune teller grabbed her left hand as well, and stared at it intently. Her face quickly went first white, then red, finally purple.

"... What?" Yuuna's hand squirmed free.

"No way," Honami-san gasped. "You, over there! Excuse me, please!" the girl actually stood up from her chair, made her way to Ako, and read her palm as well. "..." she said. "…!-!-!-!-!"

Then, without missing a beat, she went over to analyze Ayaka's palm. "Now, I demand to know what is your—!" the heiress protested.

But just as soon, the livid fortune teller dropped her hand, moving over to Keiichi's. Then, just as quickly, Yue's. And Nodoka's, where she did a spit take. After that one, Chisame's. Asuna's. Fuuka's. Fumika's. Kaedes. Chao's. Satsuki's.

When it was Chachamaru's turn, Honami-san only blinked at the featureless surface of her hand. "There's nothing to read here..."

"I'm an artificial mechanical life-form," Chachamaru informed her dutifully.

"Oh..." Too rattled to care, Honami read Sora's hand, followed by Mana's. At that point, she decided it was just better to cut through the middle men and go straight to the perceived root of the problem. She grabbed Negi's hand and read it more carefully than any other before.

Her jaw dislodged itself momentarily.

"What? What? What?-!" Ayaka demanded.

Honami-san returned to her seat and slammed her hands down on her desk. "What the hell's _wrong_ with you people?-! Get out of my business!"

"... What?-!" Ayaka yelled.

"Hey, what about _my_ hand!-?" Haruna held a palm up.

"I've read enough by now to know I'll have a stroke if I read yours!" the fortune teller said.

"... Mine?" Misora offered shyly.

"I won't tell you anything, you-invoker-of-threesomes-with-little-girls!" Honami shook a finger threateningly. "I hope the Vatican sends the Iscariot Order after you!"

Misora paled. "... Cocone-chan?"

_Elsewhere, blue light flickered again in Cocone's heart..._

"Out, out, out!" Honami began to push them out. "And I'll call the cops if I ever see you again, freaks of nature!"

Ayaka was about to shout an indignant retort in her face, when the stand's door was slammed almost on her nose. She stood, open mouthed, index finger raised, in the middle of the street.

"Let's sue her," Matoi suggested. "Kaere-chan knows some excellent lawyers."

Haruna chuckled. "Why would we? We got a free consult! I learned all I wanted to know!"

"But we didn't actually learn anything..." Madoka said.

"What was implied only makes it all better than if it had been spelled out for us!" Haruna laughed.

"She's surely only a charlatan," Natsumi shrugged.

"And a crazy one to boot," Fuuka nodded. "Hey, let's go for some ice cream and _kaiseki_!"

Inside her booth, Honami Takase Ambler huffed to herself, puffing up and down. What a bunch of creepy, sinister, terrifying and abnormal people...

Then a sudden hideous realization hit her.

She looked at the palm of her own left hand and grimaced horribly, cold sweat covering her face...

...

There was a knock on the door some time later. Cautiously, Honami opened the door, her left hand covered by a bandage so she'll never accidentally read it again. On the other side were several little girls, and a strangely blank-faced teenager. "Yes?"

"Um, excuse me, but how long will you be closed?" asked a cute one who kinda reminded her of that white-eyed ninja girl from that manga.

Honami looked around, and breathed a sigh of relief at not seeing those… those… _those…_ ugh, she couldn't think of anything bad enough to call them, and 'Twilight-fans' seemed overkill. "Ah, I suppose I can open back up now. Come in, come in…"

"Yay!" the little pink-haired one cried, dragging the Hinata-alike and an orange-haired girl inside. "Come on, let's get your fortunes!"

Calculator frowned. "Huh, deja vu… doesn't this girl kinda remind you of Hayate-chan?"

Twilight Red tilted her head. "A little… except, you know, without the obsessive Magic Knights and wheelchair…"

Evangeline _casually_ walked into the store behind them, trying not to be noticed.

"All right!" Honami said, "Who's first?"

Both Yue and Haruna pushed Nodoka forward. Honami blinked.

"She's shy," Yue explained.

Honami nodded in understanding and took the girl's trembling hand. After a moment, she pried it open. "Ah, let's see… you clearly already have someone you love in your life… oh, and you're so young too, that's unusual… but to be with him, you'll need to be able to control great fear… help him deal with long-standing anger issues… you'll need lots of patience and…" She blinked in confusion. "Protect the Earth from an army of Super-powered space zombies?

"Hah, that's funny, onee-chan!" Haruna said, dragging a blushing and slightly confused Nodoka back and shoving Yue forward. "Do her next!"

"You make it sound so sordid," Yue grumbled as she reluctantly proffered her hand.

Honami took it a bit shakily, deciding she might have misread that last. After all, 'protect Earth from super-powered space-zombies' was a lot like 'direct a summer blockbuster hit'. She focused on the next girl, deciding to be more vague and brightened. "Ah! Interesting… you will have many lovers…"

"I DON'T HAVE A HAREM!" Yue snapped out of reflex.

Honami blinked.

"Sorry, please continue," Yue said, blushing deeply.

"Ahem," Honami said, wondering if she'd made a mistake opening up again so soon. "Anyway… you shall live an interesting life, balancing love and career… your lovers shall be famous people all, international celebrities! Ooh, no messy celebrity divorces or big public breakups, that's good to know… your most devoted lover shall be so close to you they'll be able to read your mind like an open book… but your most ardent lover shall always love you unceasingly, even if they don't seem like it and are going all Tsundere on you… and your love life shall be known thousands of years into the future, spawning many books, movies and historical AU fanfics!"

"Th-that's hardly appropriate to tell a child," Yue said twitchily. Haruna had her evil cat-smile on, and was chuckling malevolently.

"Ooh, me next, me next!" Konoka cried, bounding forward and holding out her hand.

Honami smiled at the girl's enthusiasm, trying to shake off the weirdness of the last two predictions. "Okay, let's see… oh, you already have someone who likes you!"

Setsuna blushed.

"And you like them back!"

Setsuna blushed deeper.

"I see a wedding!"

Setsuna started twitching.

"But you'll have a rival!"

Setsuna grew still.

"This rival will be unrelenting, determined to take them away from you! And… oh my! They will succeed, and part you from your loved one with death, and you will not be able to stop them, for your rival shall have power over life and death, and cannot die, the black hand of entropy itself, with madness in their blood and the devil's own protection from consequence!"

Setsuna gasped.

Honami, perturbed herself, peered at the hand. "Or it could mean you'll live happily ever after. I always get that one confused."

"Happily ever after!" Setsuna gasped, pulling Konoka back from any more fortunes.

Konoka laughed. "Okay, your turn, Set-chan!" she said, taking Setsuna's hand and holding it out to Honami.

Grimacing at whatever fresh weirdness this will bring, she gingerly looked at hand. Someone likes you, likes you back, wedding, rival, parted by death by rival with devil's own protection… no, too similar! She needed something different, lest they think she was just repeating herself! She focused harder… "Ah! You shall find your true love before your despised nemesis does, and lie with them before they do, engaging in wild hot monkey se—" Honami barely stopped herself in time, realizing to her horror who she was telling this to.

Setsuna, meanwhile, was grinning. "YES!" she cried, punching the air. "SUCK ON THAT, YOU BIG-BREASTED NOIHARA CAT-SLUT! YEAH! CROWS RULE, CATS DROOL!"

Konoka blinked, staring as she usually did whenever she found new evidence Setsuna wasn't as all-together as she appeared.

As the still-maniacally laughing swordsgirl was dragged away by Mint and Chitose, Evangeline stepped forward, holding out her hand. Honami blinked, frowning at her.

"Same school, different section from those weirdoes, I swear," Evangeline said.

Honami shrugged, taking the hand, which felt cool to the touch. "Well, let's see… oh, you're going to live a long time…"

Eva smiled bitterly.

"And you're going to be a successful teacher, respected and well-loved by your students, and world-famous to boot! And… oh my!"

"What?-!" Evangeline demanded.

Honami was blushing hard. "It says you will engage in an affair with one of your students which will last the rest of your life!"

Evangeline raised an eyebrow.

"And it will be a very young student, but also your most talented!"

The other eyebrow went up as well.

"But… oh my! It looks like you will be betrayed, for he will also have an affair with your maid, his secretary, your best friend, your roommate and… a Karakuri doll? That doesn't sound right…"

Eva's face became very smooth. "I think that's enough. That was the most ridiculous drivel I've ever heard. You sure you're a fortune teller?"

"I'm starting to wonder myself," Honami said dazedly.

Asuna and Chisame were dragged forward by Haruna, who both resignedly held out their hands. Honami took Chisame's hand first.

"Okay, let's see…" She cast about for specifically love-related and as close to normal things as  
she could. "Ah… you shall meet someone soon… and they'll be just like your sibling's lover…"

"I'm an only-child," Chisame said.

Honami racked her brain and the hand. "Well, 'sibling' in this context can mean twin, or someone you're really similar to… ah, I see you have someone like that, excellent. Anyway, this person you meet will be very devoted, loyal, a little weird, very worldly, and will like you for who you are. Also, they'll be good at photography. And though it will be hard to open up at first, with some sitcom-esque misunderstandings and situations, you two will eventually grow very close, your union blessed by the creator and the universe itself!"

Chisame and Honami both blinked at this. "That's… really normal."

"I know," Honami said, wondering how this perfectly normal girl got mixed in with these weirdoes. She really didn't seem the type to be friends with them.

Surprisingly for both of them, Chisame gave her a hug. "Thank you!" The hacker cried.

"W-what for?" Honami asked.

"For telling me I'll grow up normal and this is all just a phase!" Chisame cheered, actual tears in her eyes.

Evangeline made a disgusted sound and pulled her away.

Confused but gratified, Honami took the last girl's hand and perked up, deciding to stray a little from strictly 'love' fortunes. "Ah! Oh, let's see… you will live a long life and travel to interesting places and meet interesting people… you will have many friends who care for you… oh! You already know of the man you're destined for!"

"Oh? Who? That sexy reporter Clark Kent? Bruce Wayne? Neil Patrick Harris?" Asuna asked eagerly.

"Asuna, he's gay, get over it," Yue said tiredly.

"NEVER!"

"Ah, there will be many obstacles to your union," Honami continued. "You will need to learn to control your fiery, bloody-minded temper, lest you get a heart attack—"

"Done that!" Asuna chirped.

"And learn to embrace and control your passions," Honami said, blushing slightly. "Of which you have a lot of… oh my… and, um, the two of you will grow to care for each other deeply, but you will need to make the first step."

Asuna nodded solemnly. "Any clue as to who it is?" she asked eagerly.

Honami peered closely, ignoring the signs that said 'protect Earth from super-powered space-zombies' which she still insisted meant 'direct a summer blockbuster hit' and which all the girls had. She couldn't be repetitive, after all. "Ah! It says here they will be your first kiss! Isn't that romantic?"

Asuna paled. If this were an anime, she'd have suffered Color Failure. She started to tremble.

"And that he will be the first person to sleep with you!"

Her legs started to shake.

"And… oh! He'll treat you like a princess. Isn't that nice? And… AH! He will always be there for you, will put your safety and happiness before his own, will never toy with your heart, is a perfect gentleman, will DEFINITELY never have sex with his mother, will be a highly respected teacher and internationally famous, and will genuinely care for you. Oh my! You lucky, lucky girl. What do you say?"

Asuna fell to her knees, throwing back her head and shaking her fists at the sky. **_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"_**

...

Itoshiki Nozomu looked up. "What was that scream?"

"It sounded like Asuna-san," A modest red bikini-clad Ai said. "But isn't she in Kyoto?"

...

As everyone cleared their eardrums and Honami stared at the girl's reaction, Mint and Chitose dragged the hysterically crying girl away.

"Me next!" Haruna cried.

Now deeply disturbed, Honami took her hand and peered at it. "You will be loved by your friends," she said in confusion.

Haruna waited eagerly.

"That's it," Honami said.

Haruna paled. "That's it? That's all there is?"

"All there is," Honami confirmed.

"No more?"

"No more," Honami nodded, not bothering to mention the palm-reading equivalent of a 'gone to lunch, will come back to this some other time' sign.

Haruna fell to her knees, throwing back her head and shaking her fists at the sky. **_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"_**

...

A skimpy green bikini-clad Harumi looked up. "What was that scream? It sounded like Haruna!"

"Yes, it does, doesn't it?" Itoshiki commented, digging a hole below the tide line. "There seems to be a lot of that going on today…"

...

As the sobbing Haruna was dragged away, the door opened, and a dark-skinned woman entered. "There you are. Come on, we're moving."

As the girls filed out with varying degrees of reluctance, Kuro glanced at Honami. "Love fortunes?"

The stressed-out fortune teller nodded.

Kuro held out her hand.

Hesitantly, Honami glanced at it and drew back in horror. "Have you no decency?-!" she shrieked. "Your sister… and your brother… and those twins! And… GET OUT OF MY STORE, YOU INCESTOUS, DECADENT DEGENERATE!"

Kuro grinned. "Thanks for the treat!" she chirped, blowing the girl a kiss.

Honami threw herself to the floor, dodging it with a whimper. Alcohol. She needed alcohol…

...

**Love is Blind!**

"Let's just hope this works out better than the fortune telling..." Misa grumbled while Madoka sighed and tightened a blindfold around her eyes.

"I don't guarantee anything," Yue warned. "But the locals say, if you can make it from this rock to that rock over there without opening your eyes, you'll surely find success in love."

"Ara ara, what a lovely custom," Chizuru laughed softly as she put a blindfold around Natsumi's eyes. "I'm sure you can do it, Natsumi-chan! You've got excellent coordination!"

"Do I?" Natsumi asked.

At the same time, Yue began doing the same to Nodoka. Ayase and Naba looked into each other's eyes while helping their respective friends, and very briefly, a small sparkle flew between their eyes, as the air around them grew tense. Mana noticed it with an amused half smirk, while Setsuna shook her head to herself.

"I'll go first!" Misora chuckled, pulling her blindfold tight before giving two tiny hops forward. "The trick is going fast enough in a straight line, so you don't stray away! And that's a piece of cake for me! Just watch and weep!"

Laughing, she dashed off, going straight for the second rock down the street... but running directly into a wall instead. "Ow!"

"Yeah, I do feel like weeping," Chisame snarked.

"I must admit that was a good one..." Fuuka conceded.

"It's only twenty meters! Even a baby could do it!" Ayaka blindfolded herself, keeping a confident smile. "I'll teach you how it's done!"

Quickly, she marched ahead, clearing her mind and focusing on the rock before her. She remembered her martial arts training, to feel her surroundings rather than seeing them. Yukihiro Ayaka's 'Mind's Eye of Love' Technique!

"Target acquired! I'm going for it!" she laughed, charging ahead. Not so subtly, Yue and Chizuru pushed Nodoka and Natsumi forward, making them gasp before following Ayaka as best as they could.

"It's like watching drugged hens chasing each other," Asuna commented.

"But Iincho's got a quite good course!" Sakurako said. "She's almost there now!"

"Iincho, you're cheating! You're looking, aren't you?-!" Makie whined.

"Ho ho ho ho! Don't be silly! How could I look with this around my eyes? This is only the result of my skill, and my love for that person who—"

Then, just as she was about to reach the rock, the ground under her feet collapsed, and she fell into a pit trap filled with hopping frogs. Stumbling right behind her, Natsumi yelped and fell on top of her, both their panties showing for everyone to see.

"W-What?-! What's the meaning of this outrage?-!" Ayaka screamed.

"Ah, more frogs!" Makie cringed from above. Kaede gulped and rocketed up the nearest tree. Mana smiled and took a photo. Now that would be a lovely memento...

"Not fair...!" Natsumi sobbed as a huge green frog made itself comfy on top of her head. "I was so close...!"

Meanwhile, Nodoka somehow made her way around the hole, reaching the rock and touching it with trembling hands. "I-I-I did it!"

Haruna and Yue clapped. "You're the man, Nodo-chan!" Haruna cooed.

Misa pulled her blindfold off and looked at the pit, while Chizuru, Negi and Satsuki helped Ayaka and Natsumi out. "And you owe it all to Team Rocket, apparently..."

"Are you all right?" Negi asked, concerned.

"Nothing hurt but our pride, Negi-sensei!" Natsumi laughed it off with a soft blush.

"Is it safe now?" Kaede poked her head out from the tree's foliage.

While Ayaka, Keiichi and Sora gathered the students back around and headed for the next site, Chamo urged Negi to stay behind, whispering into his ear. "Hey, Bro. Haven't you noticed someone was missing while everything happened?"

Negi nodded. "I don't see Chao-san anywhere around... I'll go look for her!"

"I don't like the way she sticks to the shadows!" Chamo said. "There's something very suspicious about her!"

Chao was in a nearby alley, whispering something into a cell phone. "— Yes, okay, tonight at our Inn. In the baths, at the agreed hour, neh? I'll be there. Yes, I have what you want..."

"Chao-san?" Negi looked into the alley, lured by her voice. "Oh, here you are! Why did you stray from—"

"Oh, Sensei!" she turned around with an apologetic giggle. "Sorry! I was sight seeing, and I lost my way!" She hid the phone behind her back. "Thank you for finding me, I was very scared! Come on, let's go back with the others!"

She grabbed him by an arm, laughing, and pulled him along back to the group.

"Hey, look!" Fuuka pointed. "Sensei and Chao just came from that conveniently darkened alley, arm in arm!"

And all hell broke loose…

Again.

...

"Wow," Chibi-Nodoka said, watching the local her reach the stone as the other unfortunate members of the race were pulled out of the pit trap. "It's hard to believe I was ever that silly."

" _Was_?" Evangeline sniped, leaning against a pillar. "You mean you think you actually grew out of it? Because I seem to recall—"

"Oh, let it go, Eva-chan," Asuna said, brushing her blonde-dyed hair out if her eyes. She blinked, eyeing Evangeline. Or more specifically, her souvenir bags. "Eva-chan, is it just me, or do you have even _more_ cheap crap with you now?"

Everyone looked at the half-dozen bags at Evangeline's feet, full of tourist knick-knacks ranging from little sculptures to t-shirts that read "I went to Kyoto and all I got was this lousy t-shirt".

Evangeline sniffed. Her nose went 'TSUN'! "What I do with my money is my business."

"Is this a love-charm?" Haruna asked, peering at one of the bags.

Evangeline snatched it away. "Stay out of my bags!"

As the hole was cordoned off, Nodoka casually said, "I wonder if I can still make it to the other end like I did before…"

The air seemed to thicken slightly, although there was apparently no change in mood.

"Aren't you guys above such silly things?" Chisame said.

Nodoka, Yue, and Evangeline looked thoughtful, while Haruna grinned like a cat. Setsuna blushed as Konoka giggled.

Asuna raised her eyebrow at the hacker, who sighed. "Never mind," Calculator said.

...

"All right!" Chibi-Konoka said, clapping her hands. "Everyone start with their hand on the starting stone. At Asuna's signal, we all head for the other one. First one there wins!"

"This is so air-headedly insipid," Evangeline drawled.

"Then why are you playing?" Calculator asked.

"Shut up, you!" Evangeline said, her hand on the stone.

"Ready…" Twilight began. Everyone got to ready positions. "Set…"

They closed their eyes.

"GO!"

...

"Move along," Kuro said, only half-alert, waving to members of 3-A that seemed too far away. "Move along. Stay together. Nothing to see here."

"We're on a field trip, Kuro-san, not crowd control."

Kuro turned find Erebus smiling at her, adjusting his White Wing pin in his hair. "Shouldn't you be with your fiancée being all lovey-dovey?"

Negi winced. "Can people stop joking about that?"

"Never," Kuro said immediately. "We'll keep hammering at it, the way we always poke at Setsuna for officially calling her Zanmaken Ni-no-Tachi 'In Celebration Of Her First Kiss With Konoka Strike', my brother for constantly restating the obvious, and Nanoha for shooting people in the face with Starlight Breaker. You wouldn't want to be left out, would you?"

Negi sighed. "Have you seen the others?"

"Last I saw them, they were over at the love stones," Kuro said, pointing…

… at a crowd.

They listened momentarily.

"Evangeline-san!" came Ayaka's scandalized cry. "Please, behave yourself! Just because this is your first field trip…!"

"GO SAWA-CHAN!" a Haruna cried. "Win one for the Kipper!"

"YOU CAN DO IT, YU-CHAN!" Matoi encouraged Chibi-Setsuna. "For photography and DEEP LOVE!"

Erebus and Kuro exchanged a look as Shizuna and some of the other students turned to look. Then they ran to see what the heck was going on.

They reached the backs of 3-A, and Kuro loudly called out, "Move it, chaperone coming through!"

Chizuru and Natsumi made way, the latter eyeing 'Nelly', who didn't notice. They got to the front and stared.

Evangeline was walking, eyes closed, to the other stone while Chibi-Haruna clung tight to her waist, trying to pull her back as Evangeline tried to push her off, swearing violently, and as a result moving in a wavering, circling path. Just as blind, Nodoka and Yue were both trying to push each other forward to a chorus of "You go first—", "No, you—", "No, really, you can—", "No, that's all right—", while Setsuna, blushing so furiously Erebus felt inclined to set up an appointment for her to get her blood pressure checked again, slowly maneuvered towards the opposite stone. This was complicated by the fact Konoka was being less methodical in her approach and was leaping around randomly, making Setsuna instinctively turn to follow her voice. To the side, Chibi Twilight Red, Chibi Calculator and her maids watched in bemusement.

"Times like this I'm inclined to think Vita and Chrono might be right about Earth-people being crazy," Kuro muttered.

"Ah!" 'Nelly' waffled. "Everyone! Please be careful! There's still a big hole there!"

"Yes, be careful!" Negi echoed. "Evangeline-san, don't be so forceful! You might hurt Sawa-chan!"

"There are still frogs in the hole," Mana commented.

Kaede yelped and ran back to her tree. Mana made a languorous, happy smile and took more pictures.

In the end, Konoka wandered off to a booth selling candy and led Setsuna astray, Nodoka and Yue wouldn't touch the rock, insisting the other go first, and Evangeline fell into the hole and had a traumatic flashback of when Nagi cursed her…

...

**Love is Drunk!**

"Hey, Negi, whatcha doing back there?" the local Asuna called out with an easy laugh, Konoka next to her. "We're about to hit the Otowa waterfall!"

"Oh... Oh, yes!" Negi nodded and followed them quickly, even as Chamo kept on whispering into his ear.

_"I tell you, Bro, something's definitely fishy about her!"_

"I'll ask Erebus-san about that later," the boy whispered a promised. "Okay?"

They reached the place where 3-A had gathered around three streams flowing from the Otowa temple and into a small pool. Erebus waved to Negi, who joined him. The girls were grabbing glasses and jars, taking places around the water eagerly.

"Having fun?" Negi asked.

Erebus nodded, trying to keep the wind from whipping his hair in his face. "Yes, definitely! Though I have a strange feeling I'm forgetting something…"

"Hey, hey, Yue!" Misa called over. "Which one is which here?"

Sighing, Ayase took her mouth off her carton of Wakandan strawberry juice and pointed up. "From right to left, they are for Health, Career and Studies, and Marriage."

Ako immediately placed a cup under the Health one, and Akira did the same for Studies, but the rest of the girls had other plans.

"The left one! The left one!" Fumika chanted, making it there first and taking the first big gulp.

"Ah, I want some too!" Makie ran to her side.

"Makie-san!" Ayaka stormed in next. "Hold on there! We should all form a line! We—" She was all but stepped on by Asuna, who took the third place in the strange sudden competition. "ASUNA-SAN!"

 _For Takahata-sensei!_ Asuna smiled to herself and drank avidly before deigning to answering the Class Rep. "What's your problem, Iincho? If we start taking numbers and debating who'll go first, we'll spend the whole day here! You only want to fix this so you drink before anyone else!"

"I-I-I have no interest in... In...!" Ayaka gasped, scandalized, before Asuna grinned deviously and offered her the cup she had just drunk from. After a brief moment of hesitation, Ayaka scoffed and drank from it as well.

"Indirect kiss," Matoi said quietly, between sips of her own cup.

"Shut up, Sempai!" both rivals barked at her in perfect unison.

"Mmm, it has a strange taste, but it's so delicious..." Sakurako licked her lips. "Try some, Satomi-chan!"

"Sure, why not..." the genius shrugged and drank.

Yuuna, who by now was very wary of drinking anything with an unusual taste, quickly pulled back her own cup and discreetly poured it until only about three drops of liquid remained before drinking anything.

"Hmmmm..." Madoka frowned a bit, finding the taste too overpowering. But if it helped her to get Kyon-sempai...

"You drink too, Sora-nee!" Fuuka held a full glass up for the older Hasegawa.

"M-Me?" the shy college student gasped. "Oh, no! I mean, I don't have anyone to—"

"Come on...!" Fuuka urged her, winking and lowering her voice deviously. "A woman your age must have her eyes on someone..."

Sora almost scowled. "W-What was that supposed to mean?"

Fuuka giggled, just a bit oddly. "Well, you know... Don't you have any boy you like? Like Morisato-sempai?"

Sora blushed bright red, her glasses almost falling off her face. "S-Sempai? Oh, no! No! W-What I mean is, there is... someone else at Nekomi... but..." She drooped moodily. "I'm nothing compared to him..."

Fumika's smile turned more benevolent, almost comforting, but she still kept on holding the water at Sora's direction. The young woman took a very deep breath. "Okay. You win, Narutaki-san," And she drank.

Nodoka, her cheeks red with embarrassment, doubted it would do any good, looking at the cup in her own small hands. But then she looked at Natsumi, who was drinking after gathering as much courage as she could, and she followed her example.

"It's so good...!" Misa made a satisfied sound. "I want more!"

"Yes..." Ayaka nodded twice, gaining a spaced out look in her blue eyes. "I already can feel something running through me... Is this the flavour of a miracle?"

"Maybe it'll be more effective the more we drink!" Ku Fei hiccuped.

Yuuna lifted an eyebrow. "Negi-sensei? I think something's wrong here..."

"No joke," Chisame grimaced, seeing how Asuna and Ayaka were leaning on each other while gathering more water to drink, their arms over each other's shoulders. "I don't think this is normal water at all."

"It's sake," Kaede explained calmly while sipping a tiny glass of her own.

"EHHHH?-!-?-!" Negi, Yuuna, Chisame and Keiichi gasped aloud.

Erebus paled and facepalmed. "Ah, now I remember…" he muttered.

Yue gave the ninja an inquiring look. "How can you be so sure?"

"Father and Auntie Miko have given me a few sips here and there to build resistance. A nin— I mean, a modern woman must be ready and prepared for anything-de gozaru. There's nothing wrong with an occasional glass with moderation..."

Mana looked dryly at their classmates. "Well, there's no moderation at all to be seen here..."

Kuro frowned, reached over with a finger at the questionable falls and licked the moisture on it. "Yup, alcohol all right. I've heard of water to wine, so rice wine isn't much of a stretch…"

"Ara, ara!" Chizuru put a hand on her right cheek, while helping a staggering Natsumi to remain on her feet. "But Natsumi, you only drank a cup!"

The actress babbled, shaking her head. "A cup? I feel like I just drank a barrel... I'm also feeling like I'm in that car with Leigharch-san again... My head is shooting itself off my shoulders..."

Fuuka giggled and slurred, grabbing Fumika by the lapels of her jacket. "Ne, Fumika-chan, why wait...? Let's just give Negi-kun a good show right here an' now..."

"Shounds good, Nee-chwan..."

"Think of what you're doing!" Chisame slapped them across their heads.

"You're an uncouth trash tawkin' monkey, but your not ugly, Ashuna-san..." Ayaka chuckled, her face uncomfortably close to that of her enemy. "Ya know, when you graduate, why don't you move in with Sensei and me, to be our maid...?"

Asuna burped on her face and shook her head. "No way I'm workin' for you and the brat, Iincho... I WANNA LIVE LIKE A PRINCESS AGAIN! JUST LIKE NEE-CHAN, WARRIOR PRINCESS!"

"Eh?" Yuuna's frown grew. "Since when has Asuna had a sister?"

Negi tried to laugh. "P-Please, Akashi-san! They're drunk, they obviously have no idea what are they're saying!" And he moved in to help. "Girls, girls, please! Straighten up and get a hold of yourselves! The other teachers will see us!"

Then Makie jumped onto his back, nearly toppling him over. "Negi-kuuun! Why don'tcha drink shome wit' us two? You're alwaysh so worried, sho mature, so bored... Live a lil! You'd be even cuter then..."

He tried to put her down as gently but firmly as he could, but she was surprisingly strong in her grip. "Makie-san, please, control yourself!"

"Be careful, Makie-san!" Erebus warned. "You might fall off the edge!"

"Negwi-kuuuun..." Makie whimpered, ignoring 'Nelly'. "Ya know, I'd bet you're even better kissin' than—"

"MAKIE!-!-!" Yuuna screamed. "LISTEN TO YOURSELF!"

Makie giggled dumbly, giving Yuuna a clumsy come hither look over her shoulder, making Chisame, Yue and Mana wonder. Keiichi shifted around in place, strangely uneasy, before moving on to help the near barfing Sora. Then the pink-haired girl stuck her tongue out. "Nyah! I don't wanna talk to you now, Yuuna-chan! I prefer to use my mouth f'r shmting ewse!"

"Makie-san, now, please..." Negi sighed, shaking his head, right before feeling something closing his mouth for him. His eyes grew gigantic.

Makie had just titled her head down, landing a big wet kiss on his lips.

Everyone stared in shock.

After a beat, 'Nelly' ventured, "Hey, get off my cousin?" That was how Meilin did it, wasn't it?

...

**Interlude: Uranus and Neptune.**

A private plane flew over the Pacific. Inside, a rather cute face was pressed against one of the windows, looking down at the ocean with huge, childish blue eyes.

"Oh, look, Red! I think that's a corpse floating down there!" Harley Quinn cooed.

_Pedro stared piteously up at the passing plane. "My sexy wife! Wait for me…!"_

"Fascinating, I'm sure," Poison Ivy yawned, stretching her arms and legs while a vacant-eyed flight assistant with a green hickey on her neck served her drinks. "No, really, I mean it. Don't you agree, Devlin?"

The forty-something blond man sitting next to her stuttered. J. Devlin Davenport, playboy millionaire. As a socialite, second only to Bruce Wayne. Since a few hours ago, a mindless puppet. "Whatever you say, Ivy," he said in a mechanical way.

"You sure I can't eat him?" the towering Killer Croc asked from the back of the airplane.

"You'll eat enough when we arrive, Waylon," Ivy chided. "And besides, Devlin might be our cheapest ticket back home when our business there is done. You'll continue helping us, won't you, Dev darling?"

"Whatever you say, Ivy," the illustrious prisoner repeated, his eyes nailed on nothing at all.

"Well, at least ya got us a decent set o' wings fer dis gig," the Scarface puppet grumbled, once again perched on the quiet Ventriloquist's right hand. Behind them, two hulking goons, a man and a woman, both black haired and remarkably similar to each other, sat silently. "How long 'til we finally get dere, anyways?"

"An hour at most, I assume," Ivy shrugged. But then she paused, frowning. "Waylon? What's that I'm hearing?"

"Nothin'," Croc's voice replied hastily.

"You aren't eating another flight attendant, are you?"

A very long pause. "... No."

Ivy looked over and groaned. "Waylon! We're running out of them already! Keep it up, and I'll make _you_ serve my martinis!"

...

**For the Sake of Everyone!**

You could have cut the silence in the extremely tense air with a knife as Makie finally pulled her lips apart from a stunned Negi's.

Then, as expected, all mayhem broke loose.

 _Again_.

"Makie-saaaaan!" Ayaka roared, her feet staggering clumsily for her, her hands grasping for air to strangle. "That hash been a complete violashion of our rulesh! I'll have to punish you...!"

"C-Calm down, everyone!" Negi asked, still reeling from the shock. "Don't fight! Makie-san, why did you d-do that?"

The gymnast giggled and fell sitting on the ground, supporting herself with her arms. "You taste so good, Negwi-kun! Even better than—"

At that moment, Ako 'accidentally' tripped and fell on her. "Woops, sworry!"

Makie giggled again, hugging her and making her groan. She had only wanted to silence her, not THIS! "Awwww, Ako-chwan, you're so sweet! You care after all!"

"Izumi, as your group leader, I order you to keep your wits!" Chisame forcefully helped her stand up with Akira's help. The swimmer was, all in all, completely sober despite having drunk a far larger share of sake herself. "Akashi, help me with this!"

"R-Right! On it!" Yuuna purposefully steered away from Makie and Ako and tried helping Ayaka instead. "Easy, easy, Iincho. Better just sit down and rest..."

"I'm perfectly okay, Akwashi-san!" Ayaka refused the help, shaking her off. "Gwo hewlp your girlfriendsh instead, okay?"

"D-Don't be ridiculous! Of course I don't have any girlfriends!" Yuuna stammered, horrified.

Ako and Makie snorted, but said nothing.

Asakura and Haruna, who had drunk nothing, shared a glinting, intrigued look.

Somewhere in the crowd, watching over Ayaka with binoculars, Roberta shivered impotently. Oh, someone was going to pay for that...

"I want a kiss two, Negwi-kun!" Fuuka said.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Fumika repeated.

Misa chuckled and slurred, wrapping her arms around Negi's neck from behind. "You're two late to the pawty, girlsh. Negwi-kun'sh lipsh are awready all mine, okay? Go screw each othew and weave men for those who can appreciate 'em..."

She then pouted her lips for another kiss, but Chisame pushed her away from him. "Away with you, Jezebel!"

"Yeah, what she shaid!" Matoi nodded, placing herself right behind Chisame, supporting herself on her. "Ahhhh, Chisame-sama... I love when you chow y'r authority off..."

Misa grunted and readied her fists. "Your gonna fight, Hashegawa? Fine wit' me! Your been askin' for thish f'r a long while! Let's settle it woman to woman! Without your leech lover wit' you!"

Matoi's eyes went narrow. "Leech...? Yer callin' me LEECH, lil' girl...?"

Sora stumbled in between them, despite Keiichi's best attempts to hold her back. The short woman was surprisingly strong her in her drunken stupor, which made her normally sedate mood to swing wildly. "AWRIGHT, YOU, PURPLE HAIR! YOU WANNA GET MAH SISTER, YA FIGHT ME FIWST, OKAY?-!"

"Sora, please...!" Keiichi urged. "We're the adults here, remember!"

The woman shook her head. "I'm a sishter firsht, an adult later, sempai! Evewyone says I look like a middle schooler anyway!" she sobbed loudly. "Might ash well act as one! Aoshima-sempai will newer notishe me anyway!"

"I feel yer pain, swister!" Natsumi nodded energetically, sobbing as well. "Bein' short, flat an' freckled ish suffering!"

Sora ran to hug her. "Finally! Someone who undewstands! Let's be fwiends, Sakuwako-chan!"

"I'm Natsumi...! I think," she hiccuped. "I'm Natsumi, right, Chizu-nee?"

"Right now, no," Chizuru had to drone.

Misora and Nodoka had leaned on each other, faces dangerously close.

"I never notished, but your weally cyute, Honya-chan."

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You a-a-a-awe vewy pwetty y-yourself, Misowa-san..."

They drew closer for a kiss, but just as soon as Negi noticed, yelped and tried to interfere, they both fell onto their respective backs, snoring. Actually, in Nodoka's case, she fell into an expectant Yue's arms.

Ayase sighed. "Thank God," she whispered.

"Ayase-san, why didn't you stop them sooner?" Negi asked.

"I really wanted to, Negi-sensei..."

"But...?"

She was about to say, "It was so cute...!", but ended up saying, "I guess I was just refusing to believe it was happening..."

...

**Interlude: Love Hina Again!**

_At the same time, in Okinawa._

"Blue sky! White clouds! Golden sands! And pretty girls in swimsuits!" Kafuka summed up happily, prancing around Itoshiki in her light pink bikini. "Ah! Isn't this enough to make you happy, Sensei?"

"The blue sky is far too sunny, the white clouds are being replaced by grey ones over the East, the golden sands are too hot, and the pretty girls in swimsuits are my underage students, so no, I'm not particularly happy," the tall thin man sipped his icy drink while fanning himself with a small paper folding fan. He was wearing blue trunks, a straw hat, and an open light jacket over his bare bony torso.

The shapely, gorgeous young woman with long light brown hair running the stand they were at scowled for a moment, her two hair ahoge twitching, before turning around to Sakura Mei and whispering, "I didn't believe it before now, but yes, he's just like you said, Mei-chan."

Mei, clad in a frilly orange bikini, sighed and nodded sadly. "You get used to him after a while, Naru nee-chan..." she whispered back.

Urashima Naru gave her a sympathetic look before calling over, "Hey, everyone! Stop fooling around with the clients and help me here, will you?-!"

Ignoring her altogether, a micro-red-bikini sporting Kimura Kaere still was burying Keitaro-san under a mountain of legal threats. "—And walking on me in the dresser! I'll sue you for sexual harassment, you satyr! I'm going to leave you in the street!"

"I knocked, a-and you didn't answer!" the young man with glasses excused himself nervously. "I had to clean up there, that's my duty!"

"Those are only excuses!" the loud blonde shouted. "I know your type far too well!"

Aoyama Motoko was sparring all across the coastline with Touko-sensei, chatting amiably about Setsuna's progress while their attacks raised considerable explosions of ki and sand in all directions.

Kaolla Su and Maria laughed as they soared through the sea in a giant turtle shaped motorbike, the illegal immigrant hugging the blonde's waist, young dark skinned sweaty flesh pressed against young dark skinned sweaty flesh.

Otohime Mutsumi and Abiru sat under a beach umbrella talking about the best ways to bandage critical wounds.

Konno Mitsune and Harumi were engaging in a watermelon smashing duel. Mitsune, maybe-annoyed (it was impossible to tell with her), had started thinking it had been a bad idea to bet against that insanely athletic high schooler.

Maehara Shinobu stared aghast at her cellphone, wondering who had started sending her threatening messages. Sitting a few feet away, Meru pressed key after key in her own phone, smiling a cute, tiny smile.

Itoshiki extended an empty plate over to Naru. "Urashima-san, would you happen to have some badly cooked fugu, please?"

Naru was starting to feel tempted to dust off the old Naru Punch now. "Sensei, I've told you nineteen times already, we don't offer suicide services here!"

...

**Oh, for Pete's Sake!**

As Keiichi, Chisame, Konoka, Chachamaru, Chao, Satsuki, Haruna, Yuuna, Akira and Yue attended to the drunken students, and Setsuna, Evangeline, Zazie, Mana and Kaede stood around really doing nothing but keeping the crowd intimidated and away with their mere presence, Negi climbed up to the temple's roof, finding a large barrel of liquor attached to the water suppliers.

"This... This is _sake_!" he gasped aloud. "Who could have done such a thing?-!"

"Indeed, it is!" Kazumi popped out right behind him, taking several pictures. "Whoo-hoo, this is gonna be a monster exclusive! I'll bet there are some very naughty monks here!" And then, she paused. "Wait a minute, Sensei. How do _you_ know this _is_ sake?"

"Well, other than what Kaede-san said, it's written right here," Negi pointed to the barrel's label.

"Oh. Of course," the reporter said. "Anyway, we must learn the truth about this! Who knows, maybe they are trying to get us drunk to take advantage of our firm young bodies!"

"Stop saying such crass things before a child!" Chisame shouted from below.

Negi and 'Nelly' blinked. "What does—?"

" ** _DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!-!-!-!-!-!_** " Chisame cried.

"Negi-sensei!" Keiichi called out. "We'd better report this to the local authorities! Whoever pulled this prank has to be found and caught!"

"I'll go!" Sora jumped back to her feet clumsily. "Yesh, I know mah way around copsh! Den I'll team up wit' 'em an' dere'll be a big big car chase! An' Bang-Bang, and Steven Seagal-sama will kick shome bad guysh in the face!"

"You go, Morisato-san," Chisame asked flatly, holding her sister down.

Keiichi nodded. "Definitely," he pointed to the rented tour bus, "Meanwhile, carry them over there, let them rest and give them some actual fresh water to recover. I'll come back and drive you to the hotel as soon as I finish."

"What will we do when the other teachers arrive and see them like that?" Yuuna asked, pointing at a hiccupping Ayaka, who was trying to make herself heard and obeyed over her own loud involuntary unladylike sounds. The fact a good half of what she was saying revolved around how pretty Asuna was wasn't helping her case. Asakura was taking _extensive_ pictures and grinning about Freud and UST.

"Yeah, we'll be suspended, and the trip will be cancelled," Yue was concerned.

"It's okay, I'll explain everything!" Negi said while helping Asakura down. "They drank without knowing it was liquor, so it was only an honest mistake. I'm sure no one will hold it against them."

"Are you sure _Nitta_ will buy that?" Kazumi questioned.

"Yeah! We need to think of a good excuse!" Haruna began to rub her chin...

Ten minutes later, Nitta-sensei arrived, followed by Seruhiko-sensei and an intensively scowling, note-taking Suzushiro Haruka. Nitta sniffed the air. "What's this? I could swear it smells of sake..."

"It's the frog repellent we started using after the train!" Haruna said.

"I wasn't aware frogs hated sake," Seruhiko said indifferently, looking at the bus. "Why are all those classmates of yours sleeping in mid-day?"

"Insomnia," Yue replied.

"Exhaustion," Mana added impassively.

"Bad food," Zazie whispered.

"They... They'll be okay after a little rest..." Negi promised.

Hakase burped in her sleep, then swung an arm around Nodoka and pulled her against herself. Absently, a snoring Sakurako half-punched her in the head.

Shizuna and Takahata approached as well. "And where's Morisato-san?" the woman asked.

"Ah... Well, you see..." Negi began.

_The local police station:_

Keiichi slammed a hand against his cell's bars. "For the last time, I * _wasn't_ * confessing I got those students drunk! I just said I thought someone else did it!"

"Do you think he's really saying the truth, Sergeant?"

"I'm still not sure. I tell you he has the typical generic face and stereotypical black spiky hair of a standard H-Game protagonist... Let's see if he cracks and confesses before we let him go."

...

"Maybe we should have warned them about the sake," Yue commented as she took a drink from the Career and Studies spring.

"Nah, they're big girls, they can take it," Haruna said, drinking of the same.

"Still, maybe we'd better help?" Nodoka suggested, before Yue passed her cup over. She took a drink.

"Nah, that'll be suspicious," Kuro said, swigging back the whole cup she was holding. "You're all supposedly too small to be able to help."

"Aren't you a chaperone?" Chisame said pointedly. "Shouldn't _you_ be helping?"

"And why are you drinking from Health?" Asuna asked. "What have _you_ got to worry about? You've got a magic healing sheath Noble Phantasm."

"Hey, so far I've had my heart ripped out, stabbed repeatedly, had my arms cut off and I'm pretty sure I've met Death of the Endless too many times to be healthy," Kuro said, refilling her cup. "I need all the Health I can get."

...

Theoretically, it should have been a quiet trip back to the inn. Thankfully, the theater and the waterfall had been the last thing on the agenda, which meant the class was free to sleep things off. Unfortunately, not everyone had passed out.

Matoi hadn't passed out like the others, something Chisame regarded as very unfortunate. She'd finished her 'happy' drunk phase, gone to 'clingy' as Chisame tried to get her into the bus, moved to 'lustful' when Chisame tried to get her to sit down, progressed to 'philosophical' as they'd waited for Keiichi, proceeded to 'overly friendly I-Love-Yous' as Negi went to explain things to the police and, now that they were on the move, had proceeded to 'weepy'.

"— and Tisame-tsama probabwy doesn't really wike me anybay," Matoi sobbed. "Avta ahl, she got Haka… Haga… big foreheag, sho where do _Ich_ fit in? Ib hush a flat-sheshted, skwany, weird, abboying loosher!"

"Now that's not true, Matoi-san," Chibi-Setsuna consoled her, patting the girl's hand. They had gotten surprisingly close over the past few days. Who knew she'd have so much in common with a stalker? "I'm sure she cares about you. Chisame's just not the type to show it, that's all. You know how tsundere she can be…"

"Hey!" Chisame and Calculator protested quietly, trying to be indignant and not wake anyone at the same time.

...

**Interlude: Joker.**

**_Somewhere else in Kyoto_ **

Cinema Town. A place where tourists and entertainers alike strolled around clothed in the most outlandish ways, regardless of age or gender. It was an unusual break from standard Japanese properness, almost an eternal Rio Carnival.

Finally, a place where The Joker could be himself in this forsaken country.

He sat there, sipping his iced tea, thanking the passing costumed bystanders who congratulated him on the perfection of his cosplay. He even agreed to take photos with a few of them. At one point, a guy in a homemade Batman costume approached him asking for a 'dynamic battle pose' that consisted of them both standing in front of each other, fists balled up, as if ready to fight. Moron. The only reason, other than that annoying need for secrecy, Joker didn't shoot him was because it was funnier to just slip him a delayed-effect Joker Venom-coated copy of the picture. Someone was going to have a very unpleasant final night in a few hours.

Finally, his contact arrived.

"Boss," she said in a perfect, if rough, English. She looked like a she, at least, even if a butch one with a manly thick voice. "You look good."

"Hi, Bruno," the pale man nodded, tapping his cane twice against the cafe's floor. "You too. Finally got yourself a boyfriend?"

"No."

"You been looking around here?" the clown chuckled, waving a gloved hand around. "Men here are the kind you like. Small, weak, submissive, easy to break... well, except the Yakuza. And the sumo wrestlers. And that Nabeshin fella in the movies... But let's stop talking about those closest to you, and talk about those closest to me! How are things shaking in Old Gotham?"

"The Bat ain't been seen in almost two weeks now," she lowered her voice as much as she could.

"Oh, he does that. I'll bet he's gallivanting around the world with Ra's little minx. Or maybe... he's come after me," his eyes sparkled devilishly. "Oh, how I _wish_ it's the latter."

"You're weird, Sir."

"Duly noted, Marcie. Ah- _duh!_ "

She lowered her gruff voice again. "Miss Harley just escaped the bin again, with Ivy."

He made a dismissive sound. "Like I care! That wacky chick's yesterday's news!" He pulled a thick manila folder sealed with a smiley face pin. " _This_ chick's the one to keep an eye on now."

"Hm?"

"I want you to deliver this to the girl in this note." He put a small piece of paper into one of her breast pockets. "You have her cellphone number written here. You'll tell her the message written in that note, and that's it."

"That's it?"

He grinned evilly. "For now, at least. After that, you'll report back to me and I'll tell you what to do next on this Decadent Habit-esque little side-plot! As if there weren't too many already…"

"Fair enough," the mannish big woman shrugged, not really understanding and tucking the folder into her black leather briefcase. "You been having fun here so far?"

"Not yet, Bruno, but it's always sweeter after a wait. Yes, always sweeter then..." he mused. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prank call Urobushi!"

...

**Interlude: White Rabbit.**

"I'm late. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late."

The young woman with long, cascading red hair muttered to herself while walking down the streets of Kyoto, heading for the train station. Since she muttered in English, no one she passed by knew exactly what she was saying, but she looked like a complete lunatic all the same. Everyone only chalked it up to loony gaijin tourists being loony gaijin tourists.

She wore baggy pants and a white shirt with a large bunny face on its front. An almost comically oversized purse hung from her right shoulder. Additionally, she held an old watch in a hand, which she checked constantly while talking to herself.

It was already late, indeed, when she finally reached the small police station she was looking for. Just like she had been told, it was a time right between changes of guarding. Timing was key. She looked at the watch again, smiled, and pocketed it.

"Good afternoon," she said casually in clumsy Japanese, as she walked into the tiny building. There was only one cop there, sitting behind a desk reading a magazine. God bless the Japanese and their ridiculously low crime rates. They made their cops like kittens waiting to be shot in a box. In Gotham, such a place would be swarmed with coppers at any given hour.

The big, young, black-haired policeman gasped as soon as he noticed her presence, hastily hiding the magazine. The woman with the white rabbit shirt thought she had glimpsed its title, though, in huge Western letters over the kanji. _Loli-looking Teen Idols in Slightly Transparent White Bikinis._ _Ishihara Approved, the Hypocritical Bastard!_

Sicko...

She wondered what he was doing later…

"G-Good afternoon, Ma'am!" he greeted her, trying to sound as professional and definitely not perverted as possible. She could read the 'Nakajima Ken' name tag on his shirt. "What can I do for you?"

She bowed. "Good afternoon. I have come for an animal that escaped me during a train trip from Mahora. I'm a certified animal trainer," she held up her perfectly doctored credentials, "and I'm willing to pay for any damages my prized chimpanzee may have caused."

Nakajima Ken looked at the credentials, scratching his chin. "Well... It's good you came just now, Ma'am. We had called the Kyoto Zoo, and they were going to send a representative for your pet early tomorrow. You'll understand you'll have to fill up a lot of forms, and possibly face a lawsuit from a prestigious Academy. It seems your monkey attacked some students; everyone was just lucky no one was wounded..."

She smiled. "Money isn't a problem. We'll be willing to compensate those children as generously as possible. May I see Koko now?"

"Sure, but until we get an official authorization, I'm afraid you can't take him away. Follow me, please," He guided her to a back room. "Here, as you can see, he's in perfect shape..."

He only had started to point at the small and tight cage where the ape shook and complained, barely able to move, when she put a dart gun on his back and fired.

One second later, he fell on his face, snoring loudly.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late..." she repeated, walking over him. "Be thankful you aren't. In Gotham, we wouldn't hold back so much."

Expertly, she forced the cage's lock open, with the skill of a seasoned criminal. She smiled as the ape jumped into her extended arms, making loud contented sounds.

"Glad to see you again! The Boss has missed you all day long." She patted his head. "You did well. Now it's time to go back to Wonderland."

...

**Shadow of the Bat.**

**_Somewhere Else In Kyoto Yet Again_ **

The big man with the square chin and the black hair finished filling his registration papers.

"Well, have a nice stay here, Mister Malone," the attendant told him, with a very brief and Japanese polite nod.

"Thank you very much," he replied in a flawless Japanese with only the slightest American accent. "You have a very nice inn. I'm sure I'll love being here."

Not that he would be there for long. He would find the Joker as fast as he could, and that would require him to spend as much time out as possible. Terrorizing the local members of the Washimine family had pointed him in that general area, but he knew Joker never stayed quiet in the same place for long.

As Bruce Wayne followed the young assistant to the stairs, he passed by next to a bunch of schoolgirls headed by a young boy with dark red hair, carrying a wooden staff. There was an obviously drunk girl with short black hair clinging to the back of a shorter girl with long light brown hair and glasses, slurring, "Tisame-tswama... We're goinw ta sweep in th' shame woom, ain't we...?"

Wayne nearly shook his head to himself. Children nowadays.

...

**Interlude: Birthday Gift**

_Deep within Professor Tomoe's Laboratories._

"The Professor says my treatment's going okay again," Hanyuu Mimi-sensei whispered, looking down at the small pink creature inside of the heavily sealed containment unit. "The usual stuff, it barely hurts anymore. I only have to relax, avoid stress, you know, all of that. I'm sure we'll find a breakthrough soon enough. You only need to be patient."

"Eudial and the others? Yeah, they're bitches, but I can endure that. Now that Testarossa woman, she's a real pain in the butt, but it isn't going to work without her. So what choice is there?"

"You know she has started calling us the Witches Five, right? It's infuriating, how she mocks us like that. If she didn't put so much effort into the actual work, I'd be sure she's just waiting for us to fall. But of course, we wouldn't be ant use to her in that state."

Although she knew they indeed would still be useful for testing if it ever came to that. The creature before her was living proof of that.

No, not a creature. She needed to remind herself that.

"You're my only friend ever. I promise I'll bring you back, one way or another. Even if it means sucking up to that bitch forever. Then everything will be like before."

No, another lie. It had been years since that. They'd never go shopping together again, or talk about boys the same way. They never would return to those days before her friend fell ill.

"Yes, I know what day is today. That's why I brought you this. The :Professor says it won't hurt, just this once." She slipped the small piece of cheese down the feeding conduit, smiling as she watched the small creature (that denomination again—) gorging on it.

"Happy birthday, Charlotte-chan," Mimete said.

...

**Clothes Make The… Man?**

"I've told you, it doesn't count as crossdressing," Vigilante argued.

"You're wearing my sweaters. A girl's sweaters!" Rin shot back.

"I like wearing sweaters. And yours fit me," he told her. "True, red isn't really my color, but these still are very unisex. There isn't anything wrong with that!"

"Maybe we should just see if we can fit you into some kind of disguise and take you out to buy your own sweaters..." Sakura suggested, not for the first time.

"Too risky, like I've told you!" Rin shot the idea down again. She put a finger on Vigilante's beak. "There's no way to hide this with any kind of mask! Not to mention the feathers all over his body!"

"Then don't complain about your sweaters. I can't be wearing my fighting clothes all day long," Vigilante replied. "It would ruin my style!"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind the sweaters that much if you started wearing pants with them," Rin admitted. "As it is, it's kinda creepy, seeing my clothes right over someone's bare lower body."

"It isn't bare!" he quacked.

"Feathers don't count as actual coverage in my book!" Rin claimed.

"But Oneesama, you don't mind when I—" Sakura began.

Vigilante held a hand up. "I thought we all had agreed you wouldn't _ever_ talk about _that_ in my presence!"

...

"Hey, Sensei," Chisame said as she finished tucking a soundly snoring Matoi under the covers of her futon. Ako and Hakase were similarly asleep by now, and Akira and Yuuna had gone to bathe before hitting the pillow. "Now we finally can discuss things over, what's the deal with everything that happened today? First all those crazy animals in the train, and now this..."

"Well, you know, the strangest accidents often happen during trips," Negi feigned innocence. "Often, even things that would seem completely impossible—"

 _Glare_.

Negi gulped. "— Happen, and weird as they may seem, it's only a string of amazing coincidences—"

 _Glare_.

"B-Because, well, as the old saying goes, truth is stranger than fiction, and— and—"

"Brat!" Chisame barked.

"Aie!" Negi covered his head with his hands. "I don't know anything! I'm not hiding anything! I'm not suspecting anyone!"

"It's all that darn Chao's fault!" Chamo clenched a paw into a fist.

Chisame stopped pinching Negi's cheeks to drag an answer from him, and Negi stopped sobbing in turn. "Eh?" they chorused.

The ermine fumed from his spot next to the door. "I'm sure that whole stunt with the monkey was staged, to lure you into a false sense of security, Bro! No way they have hoped that animal succeeding on getting away with the letter; not like he could fly outta the train, and he was too big and noisy to escape unnoticed. I'll bet that was arranged beforehand! No, no way the monkey just happened to casually run straight into her allowing her to make her big scene! And didn't you notice the way she looked at the letter? I'm convinced she knew about it!"

Chisame had finally snapped enough out of the wall of text to ask, appalled, "Which letter?-! The one she taunted you about being a lovey-dovey thing from Nel— er, Springfield-san?"

"Which else?" Chamo snorted.

Negi, helplessly, held up an envelope. "Yes, this one. The Dean gave it to me for delivery to the leader of the local magic association, and he asked me to keep it a secret, but—"

"I'm your partner! Don't you trust me?" she huffed.

"I-I-It isn't that!" Negi said. "It's just I didn't want to get you involved in this if there's no need for it! I know you value your normalcy so much..."

"Feh, it can't be worse than the Evangeline thing. Both of them." Belatedly, Chisame realized how foolishly she had tempted fate, but it was too late to go back on it. "Anyway, like my life can be normal at all with you two around. But going back to the problem here, why would Chao do such a thing?"

"How much do we know about her?" the ermine asked. "We have no idea who her relatives are, or how she got her money."

"I understand she's an exchange student from China, just like Fei," Chisame shrugged. "It's no wonder her parents can't come here."

Chamo waved a stubby finger. "I keep track of the backgrounds of all potential partners for Negi-Bro, and after a bit of deep research, I found, while Ku-chan's family is legit, Chao's relatives are all fake!"

Chisame was too startled by the startling revelation to mind too much about Chamo's blatant privacy violation. "No way! You DID THE RESEARCH? Unbelievable!"

"Are you sure, Chamo?" Negi swallowed hard.

"Yep!" the familiar nodded. "Don't you think it's strange? How has she amassed her small fortune? I bet she's in cahoots with those misfits from the Kansai association  
Gramps warned us about! When someone is _that_ smart, athletic and hot, she _must_ be hiding a dark and hideous secret!"

Negi's eyes had turned into spirals. "That... That can't be! There must be a logical explanation... Chao-san can't be an enemy agent!"

Chamo pointed at his own nose. "My intuition and magical smell never fail! I can feel something dark and sinister about that girl! She's destined to become your enemy, I'm very sure of it!"

"Since when did you have 'magical smell'?" Chisame crossed her arms and sighed. "If you're so worried about it, why don't you—"

"I'll ask Erebus-san! That's it!" Negi bolted up. "I'm sure he can tell me if Chao-san is trustworthy or not!"

He ran for the door, but stopped when Hasegawa grabbed him by a shoulder. "Chisame-san?"

She spoke very seriously. "If you're involved in a mess again, use the cards to call me to your side, okay? Most of us are too drunk, true, but I'm still able to help you, and if it's too big for us, we also can contact Chachamaru and 'those guys'."

Negi nodded, moved by her offer, eyes gigantic. "Thank you, Chisame-san..."

She released his shoulder. "Now go, and good luck."

"Yes!" With renewed vigor, he ran out, Chamo in tow, racing past a returning Yuuna and Akira. "Good night, girls!"

"Oh, good night, sensei," Akira waved at him.

"Where's he going to in such a hurry?" Akashi asked Hasegawa.

"The toilet," Chisame returned to her standard dry tone. "Now, let's settle some rules for sleeping here, okay?" the group leader instructed. "If any of you see Tsunetsuki sneaking into my futon while I'm asleep, you'll hit her in the head with this frying pan here." She held up a battered frying pan with several Matoi's-head-shaped dents on it. "If I'm called out for an emergency and am gone for several hours, don't worry, that's perfectly normal, and no, I can't explain it. If Hakase rolls into my futon, she may do so, it's just normal for her, and there's absolutely nothing gay about it at all..."

Hakase rolled around mumbling, reached up for Chisame's waist, and tried to pull her down to herself.

Chisame's eyebrows quivered. "Not gay in the least, I repeat..." she reassured both Sport Girls.

Akira and Yuuna shared a brief perplexed gaze.

...

"And…. done!" AngelGARd declared as she slapped the protective ofuda onto the door. "This won't keep out determined intruders, but it'll discourage random people and inn staff popping in to check on us."

"About time," Twilight Red said, stretching in her natural form, though her hair was still dyed blonde. "Using age-change pastilles for that long feels kinda weird."

"I didn't notice anything," Calculator said, for once not tapping away on some computer or other but enjoying a massage from one of her maids.

"That's because you were in loli form practically the whole trip through Mundus Magicus," Deathnote pointed out as she and the other librarians began to chow down on the staple foods of class trips: instant noodles, canned sausages and Chachamaru tea. "I swear you've developed a loli fetish."

"That's completely unfounded!" Chisame retorted.

"I've _seen_ the pictures on Chiu's hompage, Chisame," Haruna smirked. "You and loli-you? Self-cest much?"

"Don't think about it!" Asuna snapped.

Everyone stared at her.

"Oh, sorry. I thought Negi was in the room." She frowned. "Where _is_ he, anyway?"

"Rooming with his fiancée," Haruna drawled, chuckling evilly. " _Oh_ , the money I'll make off those scenes in a doujin… the sales from the Senshi alone…!"

Yue poked her with her chopsticks. "Only _you_ would want to sully our own reputations with those things. I'm surprised Superman-sama still talks to you after you did that one about him and Clark Kent."

"Hey, not _my_ fault if Supergirl can't hide her own yaoi manga," Haruna said primly.

...

**Interlude: Joker Again.**

After learning Urobushi had been put into a protection program because a lot of pissed off people wanted to kill him for a certain Magical Girl anime, he decided to see if— gasp!— he could find something fun to do without killing anyone, or at least not where it would be noticed. And maybe find some porn for Quarty and Ruri.

_Ruri sniffed. "Idiot. The internet is ninety percent porn."_

Then he was approached by a very pretty, tall and lively young girl, rather busty, with long, light brown hair and a nice, warm smile. "Excuse me!" the girl said.

The pale foreigner looked at her with some casual interest, pushing the hat obscuring his face up just a bit, enough for his sharp green eyes to focus on her, now fully visible. "Yes...?"

The girl held up a stuffed animal resembling a badly scorched lion with its guts hanging out. "Our company is promoting the new Zōmotsu Animal toyline with free samples for people who looks like they could appreciate the value of true entertainment! And you look like one of such unique people!"

He chuckled, amused at the strange sudden appearance. He liked something about the girl. Exactly what, he couldn't put his finger into it, but...

"Well, thanks for the kind words, cutie!" he chirped, yellowed teeth flashing a dangerous grin. He gave the doll a better look. "Very pretty thingy, as well! _Avant garde, tres chic_ , and the attention to detail is lovely". He tugged at the hanging guts with a single playful finger. "Just like a real gutted lion!"

"His name is Burnt Alive Lion!" the young woman said, still just as happily. "You'll give him a good home, won't you?"

"Oh, there's always a room for someone with his guts out at my home!" the man joked.

"Tee hee hee!" she giggled. "Oh, you Americans are so funny!"

"Is my accent that obvious?"

She put a finger over her dainty pink mouth and guessed, "Star City area, right?"

A chuckle. "Gotham, actually."

"Oh, Gotham! Silly me!" she knocked a fist down on her own head and poked the tip of her tongue out. "Oh, just look at the time! Gotta go! Bye-bye!" she ran away clumsily, the bag full of dolls she was carrying swinging from her right arm.

The man looked at her go and smiled almost fondly under the flesh colored makeup he had put on before leaving Cinema Town. Then he decided to call it night and headed back for their flophouse, tucking the doll into one of his pockets. He liked the little horrible thing.

He took a deep breath of the cold nocturnal Kyoto air. He was already growing fond of Japan.

...

**On the Issue of Chao Lingshen.**

Negi Springfield, currently masquerading, to his shame and mortification, as _Nelly_ Springfield, was wondering who thought it was a good idea for Nelly to room with her cousin Negi. After all, given how 3-A had chattered about it, even the other teachers and chaperones now knew they were supposedly fiancé and fiancée, and yet they still let them stay in the same room together. He was pretty sure you weren't supposed to do that. He was a bit sketchy as to how or _why_ , but he distinctly remembered Tracer-kun's teacher Taiga (quite a memorable woman, very loud) mentioning it when they'd been invited to Medea-san's wedding. Something about pre-marital something-something.

As he carefully put away his suit in preparation for sleep after slipping into the rather frilly pink pajamas he'd been saddled with, there was a knock on the door. Quickly, he looked himself over, satisfied and sorta depressed his disguise was in place. "Come in," he said, femininely.

The door slid open, and the younger him walked in, still in his suit. Negi breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, it's you," he said, closer to his usual voice. There wasn't much of a difference. "Are you hungry? Chachamaru-san sent over some tea and some sweets she said the master didn't want because they were taking up too much space in her bags."

"I'd love some," the other Negi said, and Erebus poured some for him.

"Candy!" Chamo cheered as he unwrapped one of the sweets.

As the two sipped companionably, the younger asked, "I need to ask you something, Negi-san."

Negi-san raised an eyebrow. "What about?" he asked cautiously.

The younger squirmed uncomfortably. "It's not that I'm suspicious of anyone or anything…"

Negi stared at himself from the outside, slightly morbidly fascinated. _Am I REALLY that bad a liar?_

"…It's just that, well, things have come up, and I'm worried for my students' safety…" the younger continued to hedge.

Negi sipped tea, nodding to keep the conversation moving.

"… I wouldn't ask you otherwise… I mean, you've all made it obvious that our worlds are different, not even considering that you technically come from the future…" the younger hedged.

Chamo facepalmed. "We need to know everything you know about Chao Lingshen!" the ermine cried.

Negi took a sip of tea and was _immensely_ proud of himself for not choking, twitching, sweating wildly, or randomly blurting out suspiciously specific denials. The past year of dealing with politicians on the terraforming project– which had been complicated by the sudden reawakening of the remnants of the long-dead Queen Beryl's experimental 'Imperium' infiltration troops and their assault on Earth– had apparently taught him more than he'd realized. "What exactly do you want to know?"

"Everything!" Chamo declared. "You can level with us, Erebus-Bro! Chao's actually some kind of supercriminal bent on conquering the world in your universe, isn't she? Like Lex Luthor, only with a hot ass!"

"Chamo!" the younger Negi said, scandalized at the accusation.

"It makes sense! How else could she be so filthy stinking rich!" Chamo said. "She must have all sorts of black market contacts! She's probably the head of all the Yakuza in Mahora! She's totally an enemy, right Erebus-Bro?"

"Nope," Negi said.

"Aha!" Chamo said. "I knew it! She's totally evil and we should… wait, what now?"

"Chao-san was a very complicated person," Negi said carefully. "And I really can't speak for what her motivations may have been, since we never really talked all that much, or what they might be in this world. But out of everyone in the class, she's the person least likely to wish you any sort of ill. I can say that much."

The younger Negi frowned. "'Was'?"

Negi nodded. "She is… no longer with us in my world," he said wistfully.

The younger Negi paled. "N-no longer…"

"She went back home," Negi assured him hastily. "Not… the other thing. I can't say for sure, since we've lost touch, but when we saw her off, she was healthy and happy."

The younger Negi sighed in relief.

Chamo frowned. "Still, how come she's so rich? I mean, Iinchou's rich too, and so is Chizuru-san–"

"She is?" the younger Negi asked in surprise. Negi nodded.

"– and Makie's mothers make decent money–"

The older Negi boggled at that. "Makie's _mothers?_ "

"– and I hear Haruna-nee's got some kind of rich aunt or something, and of course Konoka-san's grandpa is the Headmaster, but there's no explanation for why Chao is so loaded!" Chamo finished.

"That's no big secret, Chamo-kun," Negi said. "Chao-san is the primary investor for Chao Bao Zhi, even though Satsuki-san is the owner. You've seen how well they earn. Chao's also been shrewdly investing her money over the last two years, allowing her to make an even larger profit. It's all hard work on Chao-san's part."

"Well, what about her non-existent parents?" Chamo demanded, playing his trump card. "I've checked her records, Erebus-Bro. Her 'relatives' and home address are all fake!"

Negi was silent for a moment. "How much do you know about Mundus Magicus, Chamo-kun?"

The Ermine blinked. "What's that got to do with anything?"

The younger Negi's face brightened in comprehension. "Oh! She's from the Magical World, isn't she? _That's_ why she has partially falsified records! She was never born on Earth, so her birth certificate, legal records and such would be useless."

Negi nodded. "Indeed. You've hit it all exactly, mou hitori no boku. All of Chao' apparent inconsistencies can be explained away if you take into account that she's from Mundus Magicus. Everything about Chao, actually, revolves around that fact."

Chamo frowned, but couldn't fault the logic as the younger Negi sighed in relief. "Oh, I'm so relieved. I knew there was a good explanation for everything. Thank you, Negi-san. You've put my mind at ease."

Negi managed to keep the twinge of guilt off his face. "No problem," he said. "By the way, have you tried the baths around here yet?"

The younger Negi blinked at the abrupt change in subject. "The baths?" he said, slightly distastefully.

Negi leaned over conspiratorially. "They're all hot springs baths… and it's not like you actually _have_ to bring soap with you…"

The younger Negi brightened at the thought, and they shared the mischievous chuckle of boys doing something their mothers– or in their cases, mother figures who will someday lead to a _really_ complicated and rather Freudian complex that's going to take a lot of therapy to fix– would disapprove of.

"That sounds like a good idea, Negi-san." the younger Negi said, beginning to get changed and fetching a robe. "Wanna join me Chamo?"

"Huh? Oh, sure…" Chamo said, still a bit distracted and frowning.

As they left for the baths, Negi let out a sigh and sipped his tea contentedly. It was turning out to be a perfectly normal, peaceful night. The sight-seeing, the inn, the springs, the quiet… honestly, it was like being on vacation…

He froze as a Green Lantern-chan-sounding voice bubbled up from the depths of memory.

 _There is no such thing as a vacation for a superhero_ ** _OR_** _a magical girl,_ came Green Lantern's voice. _We're going to run into something here, and there'll be a fight, and there goes your vacation…_

And then there'd been the thing Superman had called the Vacation Law…

Wordlessly, Negi put on his wand-ring, tucked his Pactio Cards into his robes, kept his mask in his pocket, and determinedly returned to enjoying his tea…

Idly, he wondered what _his_ Chamo was doing…

...

Suzushiro Haruka blinked at the rodent in her bag, one of her panties in its mouth and screamed

As the other Chamo made a run for it, panties in tow, he reflected this would probably _not_ be good for the inn's star-rating…

...

**On the Issue of Konoe Konoka.**

Konoka whistled pleasantly to herself as she undressed for bed. Haruna had snuck out with Nodoka and Yue in reluctant tow to get some nighttime reference shots of Kyoto. Asuna had gone to check on the other Asuna— the two had become quite close in the process of wailing on each other for training— and Setsuna had gone to check on Tsunetsuki-san. Konoka supposed the girl was likeable enough when she wasn't proclaiming her love for this world's Chisame from the rooftops, but she wasn't sure she liked her influence on Setsuna. Konoka was the quirky one in this relationship!

…

On the other hand, the idea of Setsuna secretly taking pictures of her…

Shaking her head, Konoka continued getting changed. Yawning, she looked around for her bottle of water, but frowned in disappointment to find it empty. Darn. She supposed she'd have to get another one from the vending machine. Darn it, she should have asked Chisame to get her some when the hacker had left to go to the toilets.

She frowned. She really didn't feel like taking age-change pills again just to get some water. Rifling through her back, she drew a set of disguise glasses, flicking them open with a practiced motion as she slid the door open.

The woman on the other side of the door was just putting the giant monkey-head part of her costume on as Konoka opened the door, making the woman turn in surprise.

Konoe Konoka and Amagasaki Chigusa stared at each other, the glasses dangling halfway up from Konoka's hand. The older woman blinked in surprise. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Konoka felt her surprise showing on her face, just as Amagasaki's was, and saw the woman registering the surprised, the dark comprehension setting in…

Konoka slammed the door in her face, darting back as she reached into her sleeve, drawing out her wand. She cursed, having aimed for Setsuna's Card, be she didn't drop the wand, instead leveling it at the door. " _Set-chan Alba Curaga Set-chan Amora Justi–_ " she began casting.

The sliding door burst apart in a spray of paper and splinters, its crack sounding strangely echoey. A spell to contain the sound, Konoka realized as she threw up a hand to protect her eyes. " _LUX!_ " she cast back, pouring power into the spell.

A silent, brilliant burst of light erupted from the wand's tip, and Amagasaki let out a yelp as she was abruptly blinded. Konoka threw her wand in her face. None of the combat spells– either of them– would be of any use in such an enclosed space, especially in a wood and paper building. Still, that didn't mean she was helpless. She was, after all, a librarian, even if people tended to forget that. She dove for her blanket on the floor, finding the end and with several practiced flicks of her wrist twisting it into a rat tail. Flicking it like a whip, she snagged the older woman's leg and heaved.

Amagasaki yelled as she dropped to the floor on her ass, and Konoka spun as she had in practice, aiming a kick as Amagasaki's head. The huge monkey headpiece absorbed the blow however, and Konoka immediately changed tack, flicking the blanket still partly wrapped around one of the woman's legs looping it once around her neck. Amagasaki had time to look wide-eyed in shock before Konoka tugged, cutting off the woman's air with her makeshift strangling cord. Amagasaki gasped, trying to stand up on her one free leg, but Konoka was easily able to kick that out from under her. If she could keep this up, the woman would fall unconscious and then…

Konoka never saw the wave of monkeys that slammed into her from behind…

...

**Negi and Chao.**

"Ahhh..." for once, Negi was happy to be taking a bath. The warm water relaxed his tense body and washed his worries away. The fact no one was rubbing his scalp with shampoo which got in his eyes, or soaping his crotch, helped. It was only him, sitting in the springs, with Chamo on his right shoulder. "Paradise, paradise..."

"Huh?" the ermine said.

"I understand that's what you're supposed to say in these situations," Negi answered.

"Oh. I dunno, it isn't a paradise if there aren't bathing girls as well. Talking about girls, by the way, still unconvinced about the evil genius, Bro?" Chamo needled him.

"Let it go, Chamo," the boy requested. "We have absolutely no solid proof against her."

"But Erebus-Bro's words didn't exactly deny there wasn't anything wrong about her, right? If you ask me, he sounded like he was hiding something," the critter insisted.

"You're reading too much into it."

"No, I'm not! Satomi-nee told you once Chao could use magic, right?"

"She hinted at that, but I never thought it was wise to press the subject," Negi scratched his chin.

"You should have!" Chamo chided. "Now, we have no idea of how good a mage is she, but we saw she's as formidable in hand to hand combat as they come. She could beat you silly before you get to hit her or call on a partner."

"Hey!" Negi said indignantly. "Did you miss all the fast-casting training I've been having?"

"Oh, right. Sorry. Maybe _one_ shot…"

"HEY!"

"Sorry."

A beat.

"It certainly would be a problem if I had to fight her..." Negi pondered.

They spent a long while in contemplative silence under the starry sky, until they heard soft chattering from the women's side. Chamo's ears perked up, naturally. "Who could it be so late? Shizuna-sensei finished long ago, and all girls should be in bed by now..."

"Maybe it's only the staff doing some late cleaning," Negi opined. He stepped out of the water. "Come to think about it, we should be leaving too..."

"No, I think I recognize those voices!" Chamo hopped to the wall of rocks separating both halves.

"Chamo, come back here!" Negi urged with a hiss, rushing after him. "I've told you to stop doing that!"

But the ermine was already peeking over the rocks, his flesh noticeably pale even under the white fur. His small mouth hung open, and the shock was enough to make Negi forget he wasn't supposed to look either. He followed Chamo's gaze down at the female side, and he gasped upon seeing...

Kuga Natsuki, the biker girl who had helped Negi, Chisame and Asuna the day Asuna got her Pactio. Renegade truant and delinquent, wearing a black rider's fullbody suit and a jacket over it was standing on the edge of the women's bath. She was talking to Chao, who had her arms crossed on the pool's edge, lying on her stomach, her smooth bare back and perky, small, firm butt exposed for Negi and Chamo to see even under the clear, shallow water, lit by the silvery moonlight. Chamo's nose exploded in a fountain of blood.

Negi gawked, averting his gaze and sweating, heart beating faster as the old mark on his neck began aching again. He should get it examined one of these days.

"I'm staying in the inn across the street," Natsuki was saying in a low voice Negi had problems hearing. "I'm still supposed to look after your teacher, right?"

"Right," Chao said back, in the same tone. Even, professional, very unlike her routine self. "But always from afar. Never interfere unless absolutely needed, and with that, I mean his life, and everyone around him, is in dire danger."

"Bro, that's the girl who hates all mages!" Chamo whispered into his ear, forcing him to look back down. Negi tried to keep his gaze only on Kuga. Really. Come on, this is NEGI, remember! "So what's she doing talking with a mage? This must be a conspiracy from the inside! A betrayal in the system!"

Negi put a hand over the ermine's mouth and continued listening.

"In trade, here you are. All the data I gathered on the local branch of the First District." Chao gave Natsuki a small disc she took from her nearby discarded clothes. "But be very careful. The Kyoto First District has strong links to the Washimine family."

"The Washimine family?" Negi wondered. "Who are those?"

"Yakuza!" Chamo hissed from between his fingers. "I saw them in them news! This keeps on getting even worse!"

"The Japanese Mafia?" Negi gulped. "I can't believe one of my students is involved with that world..."

"Got it. I can look after myself." Natsuki pocketed the disc into her leather jacket. "Don't worry about the kid. I'll make sure he makes it out of here unharmed."

"Believe me, I know he will, but it always pays to have a little insurance on the side," Chao returned to a more playful tone, splashing the water next to her with a hand. "In the meanwhile, why don't you join me here, Natchan? The water's just delicious!"

"No, thanks," the young biker huffed, turning around for the door. "I have better things to do."

"Aw, that's a real pity. Good night!" She waved her off, giggling a little, but her giggles stopped as soon as Kuga had left. She stood up, giving Negi an even fuller sight of her body and making him gulp. She'd better leave immediately, she told herself. Negi's little incident with Setsuna would be happening any moment now...

Then, too shocked to have his full attention, a panicking Negi tried to go back down to his side, only to slip on the rocks, losing his balance and stumbling headlong into the water of the women's side. A yelping Chamo fell in right behind him, making a smaller splash.

Chao turned around, eyes wide, instinctively falling into a fighting stance. "Who's there?-!"

Then she saw two pairs of small bright eyes in the darkness, rising from the water.

Great, some of Amagasaki's monkeys had wandered off into her bath. She would have to shoo them...

Chao charged. "Aiiiiia!-!-!"

Negi and Chamo let out twin shrieks of terror. In Chao's defense, they _did_ sound a lot like scared monkeys.

Negi ducked into the water, holding his breath, as Chao ran practically over him, stifling a curse to herself while feeling the 'monkey' trying to escape between her legs. Normally, she would have allowed the animal to go, but after today's train incident, she knew Chigusa's pets were more dangerous in this iteration than ever before. No way she'd let it go to possibly run into any of her weaker classmates.

She raced after the small humanoid form, noticing, for a monkey, it was rather big in size. Probably another augmented chimpanzee! Who knows this one might be a cyborg monkey with laser eyes!

Negi, meanwhile, ran like hell, trying to stick to the shadows, hoping to find some way out and fast. It took him a few frantic seconds of that to notice Chamo was missing. Where had he gone to? Instinctively fearing for him, Negi paused his run very briefly, but enough for Chao to jump at him from the darkness, reaching over with a bare foot and connecting a solid kick against his face, which sent him flying to the other side of the women's bath. "ERK!"

Hm, Chao told herself. It sounded almost human, too. She tried to reach for a nearby torch to toss some light on the beast, but it ran away before she could do it. Clever little thing, as well; although obviously panicky, it was slippery and hid itself in the shadows well. Still, she could easily track it by the sounds of his splashing in the water.

Negi breathed hard, sweating copiously. Okay. He had tried to avoid a direct confrontation, but he saw no choice now. He had literally ran against a wall, and he couldn't run to either side without placing himself into Chao's direct line of sight, making him a perfect target. To have a fighting chance, he would need magic. He had left his wand in his pants at the other side, but he could call on his staff from here.

"MEA—!" he began, but the shout gave away his exact location, and he found a naked blur moving on top of him. A small, surprisingly strong hand grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall.

It was only then Chao realized that final word had been, well, an actual word. And now she found herself staring at two terrified, huge and wet brown eyes.

Ah.

Funny.

Normally, _this_ happened to Setsuna...

"Can't... breathe..." Negi choked.

"Sensei..." she said, loosening the offending hand before it caused a self-destroying temporal paradox. Well, at least she hadn't done what Setsuna always did and touched his...

"..."

Well, the less divergences to the timeline, the better, after all...

"Ah!" Negi gasped then with a full body shiver.

Chao quickly pulled the other hand back, looking back and feigning innocence. "Sorry! My hand slipped!"

Negi whimpered, his face bright crimson, covering his crotch with both hands as Chao looked away innocently. "You... You touched me down there..."

"I told you. Accident-ne?"

"B-B-But—!"

"Don't complain. I could have, I don't know, squeezed tightly thinking you were a pervert spying on me, or something like that," Chao said, playing along.

_Somewhere, Sakurazaki 'AngelGARd' Setsuna sneezed._

"I-I-I'd never—!"

"Oh, yes?" the eccentric genius said, all the while frantically wondering where was Setsuna now. "Then what were you doing here, Negi-bouzou?"

"I... I was taking a bath in our own side, and then...! And then...!" he heatedly wheezed, debating inwardly if he should tell her or not about...

Then Chamo popped out from behind a rock to say it himself, an accusing paw pointed straight at the girl. "WE SAW AND HEARD EVERYTHING! YOU WERE CONSPIRING WITH CRIMINALS TO DESTROY THE MAGES!"

Chao blinked a few times, doing her damn best to look bewildered. As a Springfield, it came naturally to her. "Negi-bouzou...! Your... your weasel is talking!"

"Hah! I know you're too smart to know I'm not a weasel!" Chamo laughed with no humor. "Stop playing the fool, Lingshen! We know you're a mage!"

Chao sighed, rubbing her forehead with two fingers. This timeline was a total dud. Maybe she should try a premature rest jump after all. "Fine. Okay, so maybe I know a few things about magic. That's no reason to accuse me of high treason!"

"What about that discussion with that Kuga girl?" Chamo pressed on.

"What about her? Can't I have friends from outside the class?" she retorted.

"You were conspiring together!" the ermine insisted.

"Was not!" Chao huffed, finally bothering to wrap a towel around herself. Negi had been too busy muttering to himself about what an awful failure of an English gentleman he was to notice it had taken her that long but he definitely noticed when Chao put another towel in his hands. "Here. Not that I mind the view, but you could catch a cold..."

He yelped and covered himself very fast.

Chao chuckled. "You truly are still only a child, Negi-bouzou..."

"Well, yeah, but I'm not as naive as him!" the ermine familiar continued. "If you weren't conspiring with that girl, what were you doing?"

"I'm an ally of Justice!" she said, a hand over her heart. "I'm only helping her to find those who wronged her so grievously!"

"Her... Her mother's killers?" Negi blinked.

Chao nodded solemnly.

Negi grew moved, despite Chamo's groan of incredulity. "Chao-san!Please forgive me for doubting you! I even spied on you! Tell me what can I do to help your noble cause!"

"Well, for starters, you could put on some pants..." Chao began.

But then a loud, anguished scream tore through the night.

"That's Konoka-san!" Negi cried, recognizing the source immediately. Chao cursed silently.

A flop of epic proportions, this timeline. The only one that she could remember being just as bad was the one where Eva bit everyone and made them sparkle in sunlight...

...

**Legends of the Dark Knight.**

The current inhabitant of Room 52 in the Inn was getting prepared for a night out in town.

He adjusted his belt, which made a loud metallic clicking sound while being secured in place.

He pulled a black cowl over his head.

He stood on his window's edge, pulling out his grappling gun and aiming it at a building at the other side of the street– forget that fact he was only on the second floor. This was how he did things, damn it! Tonight, he would find Joker for sure and drag his demented, sick, vile and sorely beaten near-carcass back to Gotham, to rot in Arkham forever, for good this time, never to escape ever again to hurt the innocent...

Yes. Despite everything, Bruce Wayne _was_ a hopeless optimist deep down.

Right when he was about to shoot, he heard a female shriek coming from a lower story. A local, judging from her intonation. Most likely around fourteen. Truly panicked. He seemed to recognize her voice from the group carrying the drunk girls earlier that day. The chatty one with black hair, most likely.

He exhaled a brief frustrated sigh. Joker would have to wait.

The dark caped figure swung down from the window, and tossed himself through a lower window of the Inn, feet first.

...

**Interlude: Natsuki.**

Natsuki fell on her back onto the bed of her room in the inn. It was amazing, how Chao's contacts had gotten her a room of her own without anyone asking any questions about her age or her lack of guardians. That troubled her, actually.

She knew almost nothing solid about the girl who had recruited her one random day a year ago, claiming to have an interest in being 'her benefactor'. At first, Natsuki had thought she was only another eccentric admirer and played along. Self-proclaimed geniuses were often weird like that.

But as time passed, Chao Lingshen grew to be more and more of an enigma, almost as big as the death of Natsuki's mother. Why was she apparently so interested in helping her? Was she playing her for a fool? Was her interest in the kid teacher only a crush, or was there something deeper about it?

Natsuki wasn't any closer to the answers yet. That angered her.

A lot.

Still, what could she do about it for now? Nothing, that's what. The little weirdo called the shots until further notice.

Natsuki covered her face with an arm and closed her eyes, trying to get some much needed sleep.

So naturally, after a few minutes of troubled dreams, involving Shizuru, that Chizuru girl, her freckled roommate, Orihime-san, her also named Chizuru classmate and a disturbing amount of onion leeks, her cellphone rang.

Despite her exhaustion, the girl was actually grateful to be awakened. That had been to disturbingly erotic. She picked up the phone. "Hello?"

A distorted voice, thick and gruff, answered. "I want to meet with you. We have some information you want."

Natsuki curved her thin eyebrows.

...

**You Shouldn't be Looking There, Negi-kun.**

"Mea Virga!" Negi summoned his staff to his hand quickly, before running in the scream's direction. "Konoka-san! Are you okay?-!"

Chao blinked as she saw him leaving, even forgetting to pick up Chamo. Or put on some clothes, for that matter. Briefly, she pondered just turning around and going back to her room, lest the sequence of events grow even messier. Surely Setsuna would show up at any moment now to help Negi. There was no need for Chao herself to follow him, after all.

Konoka would be okay! Nothing bad ever happened to her so early in the continuum!

Well, except for that one time in Loop 48...

... and Loop 187. Ugh, that one had been _messy_.

And Loop 300...

Oh, and that one with Fran Madaraki…

And that one with all those contracts with Kyubey…

Chao sighed and ran after Negi. "Sensei! Wait for me!"

Honestly, she told herself, she was way too soft-hearted for a mad scientist... Damned Springfield DNA…

She caught up to him very soon, as they both stormed into an inside hallway. They burst in together, shouting in perfect unison, "Konoka-san! Are you—?-!"

And then a blur slammed into them from behind, seemingly not even noticing their presence until it stumbled into them, also shouting at the top of its lungs. "KONOKA OJOU-SAMA!"

All three of them, quite naturally, collapsed into a mess of tangled limbs on the wooden floor. Two towels flew up before falling away with twin floppy sounds.

An angry Sakurazaki Setsuna recovered first. She lifted her seething red face, propelling herself up on her unsheathed sword. "You two! Get out of my wa—!" She broke with a strangled squeak.

The white bathrobe tied with a cloth belt she was wearing loosened a bit.

Chao blinked several times from her now-sitting position, looking at Setsuna's suddenly embarrassed face and wondering why—

Oh. Oh, no.

She looked down, to see how Negi's face was stuck between her legs, his eyes as wide as discs. "P-Pink..." he gurgled, staring straight into the sight he had just been forcefully offered. "S-so... Pink..."

In a distant, decadent place, a Negi Springfield sneezed. His mother didn't find it a mood-breaker…

"GAH!" Chao backed away as fast as he could, recovering her towel. She couldn't help turning to Setsuna and barking to her face. "Where were you?-!"

All the answers a recovered Setsuna would have given were pushed aside as the swordsgirl ran past her and Negi, going deeper into the darkened hall. Negi himself stood back as well, clumsily tying his towel back on. "S-S-Sorry!" he apologized to Chao before dashing after Setsuna. "Sakurazaki-san, wait!"

Chao grumbled to herself, rubbed her hair with a hand and began walking in the opposite direction. Well, Setsuna was there now, and surely Asuna would show up shortly as well. They could take it from then on. Not like they'd need her help. It was unlikely Chigusa herself would show up yet, much less with any reinforcements, and even so...

Then Konoka screamed again.

Chao breathed in and out, slammed a hand on her face, and spun back on her bare heels, following Negi and Setsuna's trail while cursing her genial soft heart.

Honestly, not befitting a mad scientist at all...! Damned Springfield 'Honor Before Reason' genes!-!-!-!-!

...

**Chigusa vs. Batman.**

The dark cowled figure moved swift and silently through the halls of the Inn, his long black cape flowing behind him.

Diminutive monkeys scurried away in all directions, making threatening sounds at him, yet keeping their distance. Occasionally, one of them would jump on him and try to bite through his suit, but a quick backhand would dispatch them easily enough.

Finally, he saw three cleaning ladies walking in the same direction as him, with their backs turned to him. There was something unnatural about their mostly normal steps, he decided. A vaguely stilted spring to their feet's motions. "Excuse me..." he spoke in Japanese.

"Go back to your room, please," one of them said, none of them looking back.

"I just heard a scream," he said. His right hand reached for a Batarang in his belt.

"Everything is under control," another woman said.

"We only had a little accident," the third one added.

"Go back to your room, please," the gray haired one repeated.

He could see it now as he walked closer. They all had small chips attached to their hair bands.

"Tetch," the Batman growled.

That made all three women turn around at once, with haunted, wide eyed expressions fixed on their faces. "The Jabberwocky!" they chorused, before lunging forward like feverish beasts, swinging their brooms at him.

Disarm with minimal contact. Knock out with minimal damage. What ensued was not a fight. It barely lasted a few moments. The man in the bat suit brought the women down in quick succession, knocking them out with precise strikes to key points, making sure they would only wake up after a few hours with minor bruises. They were puppets only meant to delay, and although they couldn't buy more than seconds, maybe that was all they needed.

The monkeys came next. After the women were down, they turned more aggressive, jumping on him from all directions. Almost swarming on him, coming everywhere, biting cruelly. He didn't hold himself back so much now. Especially after noticing his punches broke them in half, literally, turning them into shreds of paper floating down harmlessly. Interesting trick, certainly. Perhaps the work from that Abra Kadabra criminal from Central City...

Moments later, what was left of a sliding paper door fell off its track, monkeys sent flying back in all directions squealing and waving their limbs. The Batman stormed into the room the scream seemed to have come from, stopping with his fists ready before the tall figure standing next to the large window.

Small pieces of a kimono and female underwear ripped to rags as well as a few random knick-knacks littered the floor, a few monkeys chewing on them. On top of the mess, an imposing, even if horribly goofy looking, tall form in a giant brown monkey costume stood, with a naked and unconscious young woman with long black hair in its arms.

"Ah. The Batman from Gotham City," the person in the costume spoke, with a refined, cultured, sensual voice and a thick Kyoto accent. "A bit far from your usual stomping grounds, I'd have believed. Have you come here only for us? I must admit I feel mildly flattered. People do talk highly about you."

"Put the girl down…" he ordered.

The kidnapper's laugh was slow and measured, as she lifted her head up, allowing him a glimpse of the face peeking out of the giant monkey mouth. It was a beautiful, pale face with big round glasses.

"You are out of your element here, little man," she said. "Go back immediately and we'll forget this unfortunate encounter ever took place.

"Last warning," the Dark Knight said. "Let her go. No tricks."

"No tricks? I'm sorry, but that's what my whole life is about. Here, let me show you," she extended an arm forward, keeping the naked girl firmly embraced against herself with the other.

An _actual_ fight ensued.

...

**Generation Gap.**

"Stop following me," Setsuna growled.

"No, you go back to your room and leave this to me!" Negi insisted, trying to catch up with her and then leave her behind, to little success. "I'm the teacher here, and it's _my_ duty to protect you all!"

Chao sighed to herself while running after them. No matter what else changed, his Chronic Hero Syndrome never did. Even that time hecwas the consort of the evil queen Chiu of the evil empire! Why, God, why?

"It's _your_ duty to protect everyone else! Protecting Konoka Ojou-sama is _mine_!" Setsuna hissed.

Chao asked what would be expected from her role. "Whoo-hoo! What's with the 'Ojou-sama' treatment now-yo?" she teased.

"That's no business of yours!" Setsuna said. "Now just go—" she screeched to a halt, frowning as two big men stood in their way. Managers for the inn.

"Please go back to your rooms," one of them said.

"Running through the halls so late is forbidden. You're also breaking our dress code," the second one said. Chao scowled, looking at their heads. They had strange colored bands around them.

"S-Sorry," Negi replied. "But we heard one of our friends scream..."

"That has been taken care of," the first man said.

"Your friend slipped in the toilet. She has been carried back safely to her room," his partner added.

"We want to see her," Setsuna demanded.

"No."

"Go back to your rooms."

Setsuna breathed in, then ran between them, pushing them aside. The men roared and tried to reach for her, but Chao jumped on them from behind and nocked them out with twin strikes to the backs of their necks.

"Chao-san!" Negi gasped. "You'll get us in serious trouble with that!"

Chao sighed, taking one of the bands off its bearer's head and holding it up for Negi to see. "Sensei, this has a mind control chip attached here. We've done animal experimenting with this in the labs..."

Negi facepalmed. "I told Satomi-san not to bring her work here...!"

Chao sweatdropped. "I don't think this is Satomi-chan's handwork, Sensei. She'd have gone for something far more destructive..." she said, with a perfectly straight face.

"You're right," Negi nodded with the same kind of face. They actually looked related right then. "Well, you should take Sakurazaki-san's advice and leave! Whoever is behind this, I'll—"

"Why don't you call for help?" she asked him.

"NO! I can't endanger..."

Then his face sunk down, as he remembered Twilight Red's stern advice. "I can't put them at risk... but..."

Chao's head tilted aside. "Who?"

"Chao-san, I must admit something, now I know your secret as well. I have made Pactios with a few other students...!"

"Don't tell me...!" she feigned surprise.

"Yes. I'm the worst... I've dragged them into..."

Again, the memory of Twilight Red's lecture kicked his brain from the inside.

"What?" Chao asked.

"N-nothing," he said.

Chao smiled and held his face between her hands. "Want another Pactio partner? Can't do it with the ones you have?" she pouted her mouth playfully.

"N-NO!" he backed away. Just as expected, but somehow, Chao still felt a bit of pain at being turned down so quickly. What was wrong with her? It was like she was some kind of decadent, incestous pervert.

In a distant, decadent place, nearly everyone by Saotome Haruna, Tsunetsuki Matoi and those Ala Iridia Weirdoes sneezed…

Hiding it, she smiled again. "Well, why don't you call them now?"

"B-B-But..."

"I swear I'll keep your secret," she held up a hand. While crossing her other hand's fingers behind her back. "There's no bigger emergency than saving a classmate's life, is there? Don't hesitate! Each wasted moment could cost Konoka dearly!"

He gasped, terrified. "I-I'll do it immediately!" Then he noticed he had left his cards in his clothes, and gulped. "Or maybe not...!"

"Ahem," a voice coughed from his feet.

Negi saw Chamo had just arrived there, holding up Chisame, Asuna, Sakurako, Misa, Hakase and Misora's cards. Chao lifted an eyebrow as she saw the boy grabbing the Pactio cards, thanking the ermine profusely. "Thank you very much, Chamo! You think of everything!"

"It comes with the territory of a genre-savvy comedic animal sidekick Bro!"

Negi looked through the cards quickly. All of his girls but one surely weren't in any condition to fight yet. He was left with only one choice, other than dragging Ala Alba into it and risking a major incident.

I'm so sorry, Chisame-san.

He brought his first ever Pactio card to his forehead and whispered, _"Telepathia."_

...

**Two Chisames, One Destiny.**

Hasegawa Chisame, aka Chiu, aka, the Calculator, was pretty much resigned to her fate of being permanently unable to wash her hands of weirdness. Stupid robots who kept dragging her back in. Stupid Mage brats who didn't have enough common sense to fill a thimble. Stupid Magical Girls who had her number.

She'd learned to deal with it. Having nearly Chachamaru-grade robot maids to keep her from getting hurt certainly helped. And even though she wasn't privy to _everyone's_ secret identity the way the Tomoeda trio did, she certainly knew enough to feel relatively important in the grand scheme of things. Being able to order some of the most powerful Magical Girls on the planet certainly helped too. And unlike some people, she had a highly attuned survival instinct she actually bothered to listen to.

So when she saw the first sign of monkeys in the hallway, she ducked into the nearest darkened room. Inside, the twins— Chisame twitched at how indecently intimate they were intertwined, especially considering what she'd seen on the way to Evangeline's a few days ago— and the cheerleaders, all drunk, passed out and happy, lay on their futons. Good. She drew her Pactio card and pressed it to her forehead. " _Telepathia,_ " she murmured softly. _Sensei? You there?_

After a moment, the reply came. _Here, Chisame-san. What is it?_

_Do you know there are monkeys in the hallway?_

A beat. _So there are. I guess Amagasaki-san is making her move a night early._

Chisame put an ear to the door. _How do you want to play this?_

There was a thoughtful pause. _Perhaps it would be best to let them handle this. After all, we managed to handle this, didn't we?_

 _Sensei, the other you's most reliable backup is_ ** _me_** _,_ Chisame pointed out. _And she's hardly a powerhouse. Think back and try to figure out how many times you'd have died if it weren't for Asuna's convenient Magic Cancel._

_Oh come it, it wasn't that bad… well, maybe there were one or two times… okay, more than a few…. That time with the Master, certainly… uhm…_

An even more thoughtful silence.

 _How am I not dead?_ Negi said, bewildered.

 _Now,_ Chisame pointed out, _consider that all the other you's Ministra but the other me is drunk and can't wake up. Exactly how pivotal was Asuna's anti-magic to your first fight with Chigusa?_

A _very_ thoughtful silence.

 _I'll contact the others,_ Negi said. _Have them surround the building and keep an eye on anything that happens. Can you call Kuro-san?_

_Will do. I'll stay where I am now, see if I can get my maids to you if you need them. Should we tell Evangeline-san?_

They both paused and considered Evangeline's reaction to being bothered for such a 'trifling' matter. It involved ice spells and hell.

 _Let's let her sleep_ , they decided

...

Chisame woke up to the annoying feeling she had whenever her Pactio card was being used by Negi to call her. The buzzing at the back of her mind.

She opened her eyes, and looked under her pillow. She fished the card out and placed it against her forehead. _Hello?_ she thought. _This better be good_.

 _I'm sorry, but no, it's bad! Very bad!_ Negi's voice told her, flashing into her mind. _We've heard Konoka-san screaming, and the inn managers attacked us, and Chao-san... Uh, never mind that now, but—!_

 _Wait, you're with CHAO now—?-!_ Chisame screamed through the telepathic link.

_... Yes._

Facepalm. _She has learned you're a mage._

_... Yes._

Chisame's fingers squeezed her own face. _You really like the idea of being an ermine, don't you?_

_I DON'T! Things keep escaping my control! Please, Chisame-san, come to help us! I'll transport—_

_NO! NO! I mean, wait! I'm in the room with the girls! They're all sleeping, but someone could see! I'll go outside, transform, and then give you the okay. Understood?_

He sounded relieved. _Thank you, Chisame-san._

The girl tried to stand back up, only to notice there was an arm wrapped around her. She cringed, seeing Matoi had rolled into her futon and was now clinging to her in a tight hug, hips humping randomly. At Tsunetsuki's other side, Yuuna slept uneasily with the frying pan in hand. So much for help...

Chisame carefully worked out of Matoi's grasp, quickly putting her pillow and a bundle of her blankets in a hastily made sort of dummy she stuffed into the stalker's arms. Matoi twitched, but after sinking her cheek against the pillow, she smiled, pleased with the soft smell she was feeling, relaxing back with a coo.

Satisfied with her own ingenuity, Chisame slipped out the door.

Only then Akira fully opened her eyes.

By now, she could sort of feel magic in the air whenever she was close to it. Artemis had said she had more sensitivity for it than Minako did, much to Minako's chagrin.

And she had just felt a strong pulse of magical energy coming from Chisame.

Now that had been a surprise.

A Super-Deformed Minako appeared in a thought balloon over her head. "Remember, Akira-chan! Anyone in the Academy, even your class, could be a servant of the Dark Agency in disguise! If I were you, I'd be worried about that Satsuki girl. No one can ever be **that** nice in real life..."

Akira didn't like the idea of distrusting her classmates, but the last few weeks had made her very willing to accept almost anything no matter how ludicrous it seemed. Well, except that Twilight might be a nice read. She was just more convinced it was an evil plot by the Dark Agency to drive the Earth insane.

And Chisame had always given her a few antisocial, dangerous vibes. She often looked like the kind of shut in with no friends who would take a knife and go into a rampage at nights...

Akira, naturally, tended to discard those notions as soon as they entered her mind. But now, keeping her eyes half-closed as she saw Chisame pressing a strange card against her forehead, and then leaving in a hurry, she couldn't help but wonder...

The swimmer got up, walking silently past the blissfully asleep Ako, Satomi, Yuuna and Matoi, and approached the door. She opened it only a tiny bit, peeking out. Chisame stood at the other end of the hall with her back turned to her, lifting the card up in her hand. _"Adeat,"_ the hacker whispered, and the dark hall was briefly lit by an intense light emanating from her.

Akira's eyes grew wide.

Chisame's clothes vanished for a moment, showing her bare, smooth back and butt before a frilly, fancy pink dress appeared on her. A heart shaped staff popped into her right hand. Then she touched her forehead with the card, muttered something, and vanished from sight in the spot.

Akira bit her tongue before it could form a yelp.

Then she made her mind up. Agent of Evil, rival Magical Girl or possible ally, she would have to find Chisame and have a serious talk with her. She walked out, closed the door behind herself, and said, "Mercury Power, Make Up!"

Once transformed, she wondered what to do next. She had no way of knowing where had Chisame gone. She only could wander through the Inn and hope Chisame hadn't left the building...

Then she heard a faint cry in the distance. It sounded a bit like... Konoka?

Well, that was as good a clue as any other. And if Konoka-san needed her, she'd be there for her...

Akira began running in the cry's direction.

...

 **A Return to Those Days**.

Tsukuyomi was, despite her love for battle, a patient girl. She could bide her time and restrain herself as long as she had a clear reward at the end of the road. Otherwise, she'd never have made it far as an assassin. She'd gleefully jump into battle as soon as her objectives were reached, but she had enough self control to never botch a job before it was her time to strike.

This particular time, however, it was difficult for her to do so. Because it was personal.

_Somewhere, hundreds of 80s and 90s action stars sneezed…_

They got in earlier than initially planned, because of a tip 'from above'. Chigusa-han and Sextum-han often got those mysterious messages from 'upstairs'. Tsukuyomi had no idea exactly who sent them, but she never cared as long as she was paid and she got to have her fun. If anything, breaking in earlier only meant she'd get to see Hime-sama sooner than expected, so she had been delighted.

Regardless, Chigusa-han and Hatter-sama's contacts inside the Inn told them where to strike. And Chigusa-han had instructed Tsukuyomi to watch the perimeter while she got changed; coming all the way with the heavy costume on was a bother, after all. Tsukuyomi didn't understand the need for the costume at all, but we all have our quirks, don't we? Still, it was regrettable Chigusa-han was planning on wearing something so un-sexy…

But now she was taking too long. Tsukuyomi grew impatient. Always melding into the shadows with the skill of a silent killer for hire, remarkably well despite her outlandish choice of clothes, she started gravitating towards the room of Hime-sama's quarters more and more often, wondering when Chigusa-han would finally act.

 _Break in there yourself, make her yours, make her yours,_ her mind chanted. _You know you want to. Do it yourself, now, now..._

No. She was, despite everything, a woman of her word. She would wait as planned, and then the reward would be that much sweeter...

Then, during one of her rounds, she saw that precious angel leaving the toilet, yawning oh so cutely, rubbing her sleepy eyes with the back of a hand, in a light kimono that made her as adorable as ever. Tsukuyomi's heart raced. It was just like in the old days, when the three of them played together, and she wanted it so much, to go back there, to be with them, to grab those small hands in hers and never ever let them go...

 _To hell with Chigusa-han,_ she decided.

Konoka thought she heard a rustle of clothes as she slowly walked back to the bedroom she shared with the other librarians and Asuna. She wasn't even halfway back yet. "Who's there?" she yawned. Maybe a sleepwalking Negi-kun? Haruna had told her he sleepwalked into the girls' futons during that whole Library Island affair...

Someone walked into her sights. Definitely a girl, smiling brightly, dressed very elegantly. Glasses framing her shiny clear eyes. She looked oddly familiar.

Then she spoke, and the memories came back in full earnest.

"Good evening, Hime-sama!"

And Konoka smiled happily, her face lit up. "Ah! Ah, it's you...!"

"Please forgive me, Hime-sama. This won't hurt," the girl said, snapping her fingers.

Then tiny monkeys poured in on Konoka from all directions.

...

**Batman vs. Chigusa, Continuation.**

He threw a Batarang at the hand holding those paper charms she had just whipped out, making her drop two from her fingers, but still clutching the other two. The woman in the monkey costume hissed in pain, but the costume had absorbed most of the impact, and her hand was in perfect enough condition to toss the charms into the air, where they caught on fire, falling quickly at the Batman's feet, where they lifted a wall of fire at the woman's cry of "Charm-san, Charm-san! Shield me from my enemy!"

Dashing back quickly, the vigilante pulled a small sprayer out of his belt, putting the fire down with its contents.

"Oh, a concentrated formula," the woman observed, already with a foot on the window's frame. A rope wrapped around her wrist, pulling her back into the room, making her grunt. "A resourceful little man, indeed!" She dodged under the punch he tossed, countering with a hand shove to his chest. "Begone, insect!"

He reached for a few small metallic balls and tossed them at her eyes. Blinding flares. The woman cried when her vision was wiped off by a flash of intense light, and then she felt the man tugging at the naked girl's legs, quickly pulling her back with him. She growled while regaining enough of her eyesight to look back at him, now carrying Konoka in his arms. "Flying rat! Stay out of this!"

He backed away for the door, repelling her with a kick. But before he could reach the corridor, she pulled another charm out. "Charm-san, Charm-san! Hold my enemy for me!"

With that, the paper pieces formed a few invisible strings in the air, wrapping themselves at amazing speed around the ankles and wrists of the caped man, twisting around with Killer Croc-esque strength, forcing him to drop the girl onto the floor, where she stirred and blinked before falling asleep again. The Batman tugged on the strings with all his might, but despite how thin they seemed, he just couldn't snap them no matter what.

"Oh, ho ho ho!" the woman laughed, picking Konoka back up into her arms. "Then you are nothing but a human with fancy weapons, after all! What a disappointment! You're nothing to even the lowest of mages!" Then she reached up with a hand, tenderly stroking his square chin with her fingers while hugging Konoka against herself with the other arm. "Perhaps I should knock you out and carry you with me as well, though. You'd be a nice toy for Tsukuyomi, and some people would also pay generously for your head..."

He headbutted her, making her yowl and stagger back.

The magic user screeched. "Forget Tsukuyomi. **I** 'll tie you up in my basement and break you piece by piece!"

"I don't put out on the first date," Batman deadpanned.

Right then, however, a small figure in a towel appeared in the doorway, aiming an old wooden staff at her. "You, there! Let Konoka-san go immediately!" the little boy growled with ferocity unfit such a young man.

Two teenaged girls stopped behind him. One of them had brown hair and wore a pink dress similar to Tsukuyomi's. The other one had her black hair made into two white buns, and also only wore a bath towel around her body.

Chisame looked at Batman up and down, strangely. "... I really hope this is only Open Cosplay Night."

"Ah," the woman's eyes glinted. "You're this class' teacher, aren't you? The western mage..." her words dripped venom. "Negi Springfield! And anyone in the world of magic knows the Springfield name!"

She opened her arms, paper charms floating all around her. "I'll get to be the woman who defeated the son of the Thousand Master!"

Then she paused, picked up a robe on the floor, and threw it at him. "Put something on first! When I defeat you, I do NOT want there to be any misunderstandings in retelling as to how I did so because you're naked!"

Negi blinked as he caught the robe. "What does that have to do with–"

" ** _Don't think about it and put the damned robe on!_** " the girl in the frilly dress said.

"Do you have another one of those things?" the girl with the hair buns asked.

...

**Tsukuyomi vs. Sailor Mercury.**

Akira was starting to think she had lost her way through the labyrinthine corridors of the inn when she saw the disturbing trail of small shreds of clothes.

The Sailor Senshi raised an eyebrow. It was as if someone had been ripping their clothes off and tossing the pieces aside as they advanced down the hall. And then there was those soft repeated sounds coming from ahead, way into the darkness...

_Oook-ook-ook oook oook ook-ook..._

Breathing deeply, she marched ahead, telling herself it was what Minako-san would do. Or Joker-chan. Or...

Akira briefly took a mental note to start looking for saner role models, but kept on marching.

Then she began to see tiny monkeys prancing all around, chewing on the ripped clothes and playing together. They took notice of her very quickly, and jumped for her, trying to strip her as well. She shrieked and shook them off, but they jumped on her!

"Mercury Bubbles!"

Much to her own shock, the bubbles pulverized them very quickly into pieces of paper. They weren't real animals, just like the demon crows she and Venus had been eradicating around Mahora. Well, then she wouldn't have to hold back on them.

"Mercury Bubbles! Mercury Bubbles!"

Soon, she made her way to where a petite form carried another one in its arms. The standing figure wore a dress similar to Chisame's, but it was too short to be her. Maybe an ally of sorts? Was Chisame, after all, an enemy? The only thing clear now was this person was kidnapping someone.

That person was speaking. It had to be a young girl. Her voice was playful but with a deranged edge, soft and tender but with malice dripping from each word. And above it all, it had one of the heaviest Kyoto accents Akira had ever heard.

"Everything will be okay, Hime-sama..." she was whispering. "Like in the old days. We'll play together all day long, Hime-sama, but I'll also teach you this wonderful game I learned, with all the stabby-stabbity, and the beautiful red everywhere. I'll bet you'll look so pretty, caked in red. And Oneesama too..."

"Halt!" Akira cried.

The mysterious girl stopped. Slowly, warily, she craned her head back to look at Akira. It was a very cute face, like that of a doll, despite the eerie glow in the green eyes behind her glasses. The hat on her head didn't obscure enough of her features to make them unrecognizable, but enough to make them look very sinister despite her beauty.

"Oh, look, Hime-sama. Our first pretty toy to break together," the whispering voice cooed. Arika cringed when the new angle the kidnapper had taken allowed her a sight of her captive. It was a very naked and unconscious Konoka. "Who are you, my dear?"

Regaining her self control, the Senshi remembered Minako's lessons. She stood confidently, aiming a finger at the evildoer, posing like a true champion of Justice. "I'm a Sailor Senshi who fights for love and fairness! I'm a protector of the weak, savior of those in need! Warrior of Water, Sailor Mercury! And if you don't unhand that girl safely, I'll punish you... in the name of Mercury!"

 _Ugh, so cheesy!_ Akira told herself. _Thank God Mom and Dad can't see me now..._

"Punishment?" the creepy voice sounded delighted. The girl licked her own pink lips. "Oh. I love punishment. But right now, I'm on an errand. Well, both an errand and a mission of love... I fight for love, just like you! Why don't you come to my place? There, you can punish me as much as you want..."

"W-What?" Akira scowled. She had faced several monsters and villains by now, but none of them had ever suggested dirty things to her. Surely those stories Minako told her about touch-happy demons had been only exaggerations...

She couldn't feel anything supernatural about this girl, and yet, she was scarier than any monster she had ever encountered before.

"Or... I could punish _you_..." the girl giggled, a short sword popping out of her left sleeve and into her hand. Akira backed away, afraid the girl would try to cut Konoka if she tried something. Much to her relief, however, the mysterious meganekko put Konoka down on the floor with the utmost care. "Of even better, we could punish each other..."

Akira gestured for her to calm down. That sword was much smaller than Setsuna's, but still looked very lethal. "Just don't hurt Konoka-san. Yes, that's it, leave her right there, walk away from her like that... Yes, much better."

The girl smirked. "My name's Tsukuyomi," she said, actually stepping further from Konoka, finding herself a better strike angle. Another sword found its way into her other hand. "And indeed, this is much better..."

She lunged for Akira.

"There's nothing better!"

...

Ookuchi Akira had always hated fighting.

Her parents had taught her to be a peaceful, kind girl ever since they noticed how tall and strong she was bound to be. She had been raised to be polite and well behaved no matter what, and although she never became as feminine and demure as her family had hoped for, no one would ever mistake her for a violent tomboy.

Although she always would put her foot down to defend others, or her own honor, she never would resort to violence as anything but an absolute final resource. Even when fighting along Sailor Venus, she always would try to incapacitate her enemies as humanly as possible, instead of destroying them.

She never would aim a deadly attack at another _human being._

Unluckily for her, she was fairly sure all of her attacks would be lethal for any humans.

She barely had dodged the Tsukuyomi girl's first sword strike thanks to her augmented Senshi agility, but the blade had cut the air dangerously close to her stomach. She swung a kick, aiming for a quick knocking out blow to the head, but the much shorter and faster girl dodged easily, giggling maniacally as she did so.

"What do you want with Konoka-san?" the Magical Girl asked, trying to distract the swordsgirl out of focus.

"Words don't suffice for explaining that," was the only reply, other than an expert swing of the smaller sword, cutting up in a perfect curve, slicing the surface of Akira's left knee, making her wince as blood jumped out. Forcing herself to ignore it, she threw a fist at the girl's face, but it only grazed one of her cheeks. Akira was very strong, even more in that state, and while the hit obviously hurt the adversary, she still absorbed it remarkably well.

"You're very strong, but you have no skill," Tsukuyomi cooed, her blades looking again for Sailor Mercury's stomach. Akira had to move from one side to another to avoid being skewered. "Won't you be my friend? I can teach you how to actually fight..."

"I befriend no monsters," Akira backed away, cursing her lack of experience. This was the first time she ever fought alone, and against an actually trained enemy to boot. She had a strength advantage over the thin girl, it seemed, but her best trump cards were things Artemis had warned her would kill a normal human in a single strike. True, she was starting to seriously doubt that girl was a normal human at all, but why to take a risk?

Then she remembered a power Artemis had told her about recently. Yes, that could do it. Not like she had many options now...

Akira memorized the lying Konoka's position carefully, standing back and placing herself in a straight line for her. As Tsukuyomi charged for her, swords ready, she thrusted her hands ahead, almost pushing them against her face, and shouted, "MERCURY AQUA MIST!"

Immediately, a huge and very thick layer of mist covered the whole corridor, making Tsukyomi cough and stumble back. With the element of surprise on her side, and having memorized Konoka's position, Akira made a run for her, jumping over her fallen enemy and going for the barely visible form on the floor.

However, Tsukuyomi's confusion only lasted a moment. While she was blinded, it meant little to her. She only closed her eyes and remembered a few of her earliest teachings at the Dojo. Tsuruko-san would often blindfold her and her Oneesama before practicing. She'd say a true fighter would rely on all their senses, never on a single one.

Tsukuyomi gained focus, forgetting the frenzy of blood for a few moments. She only listened amidst the blinding mist, reading Akira's hasty steps like an open book. The girl had covered actually a lot of ground in such an impossibly short span; she was fast, Tsukuyomi had to admit it. A single moment more, and she'd reach Hime-sama and run away with her, out of reach...

Good. Tsukuyomi only needed to act faster.

She lunged back, reaching up with the hand that held the longer sword. The blade felt its way up to its target.

Akira felt a sharp pain in her stomach, and lost balance, falling on her side on the floor, a couple steps away from the still unconscious Konoka. She took a hand to the bleeding wound in her flesh, panting quickly, trying to quantify the damage. And then, between the quickly dissipating mist, she saw Tsukuyomi standing over her, with a sword poised to strike down.

"Bad girl, bad girl..." the accented voice cooed playfully. "Looks like I'll have to punish you after all..."

As the sword came down, Akira tried to kick up, to get the girl off herself before it was too late. But just as the leg was in mid-way to the girl's abdomen, something else stopped the blade before it found its target.

It was another sword.

Akira looked back at the direction of the figure holding the sword and saw...

"Yo," Kuro greeted. "Sailor Mercury. What a wacky contrived coincidence to find you here…"

...

Twilight Red looked down at the monkeys and sighed. "Ah, memories…" she said drawing out her card. _Hey, Negi…_

_Yes, I know about the monkeys._

_Ah. Good. So, what's the plan?_

...

**Tsukuyomi vs. Kuro.**

Kuro scowled at Tsukuyomi, her plain sweater and skirt clashing badly with the black sword in her hand. "Buzz off, girl," Kuro said. " _I'm_ the depraved bisexual loli swordsgirl around here!"

Akira stared at the tall, rather flat-chested woman who had come to the trip as a chaperone, a rather loopy part of her thinking that there was no way one could call the woman a loli. Tsukuyomi didn't let such philosophical matters derail her, slashing out with the blade in her other hand. Suddenly a white sword was in Kuro's hand, intercepting the blade. Weapons whirled, and suddenly the air above Akira was a blur of clashing blades, sparks flying to the sound of ringing metal. Akira held very, _very_ still as the weapons swing above her. Tsukuyomi was obviously still trying to kill her, and Kuro-san was just as obviously preventing that. She could tell that much, despite them fighting almost to fast for her to follow.

Something imperceptible changed in the battle, and abruptly Tsukuyomi drew back, out of sword range on Konoka's other side. A faint, barely perceptible cut was on the tip of her nose, barely outlined by minute droplets of blood. "Oh my…" she sighed. "Such a surprise! I wasn't expecting someone of this caliber here except for Setsuna-Oneesama."

Akira could **_HEAR_** the heart emoticon at the end of that sentence. She felt cold. After weeks of Tsunetsuki-sempai in their class, she knew a creepy stalker when she heard one. Something told her this girl didn't have the 3-F girl's redeeming qualities.

"The world throws us curve balls," Kuro said. "Deal with it."

There was a pop, and a brief puff of smoke, and suddenly a little dark-skinned girl was standing in the now-oversized sweater and purple skirt.

"Exhibit B," the now smaller, higher-pitched-voiced Kuro said, her deadpan voice just the slightest bit exasperated.

"Ahh…" Tsukuyomi said. " _Now_ the loli comment makes sense."

With a smooth movement, Kuro cut herself out of the sweater and let the skirt fall around her feet. Akira was disturbed to find she was naked underneath, even her underwear oversized and drooping around her hips, ready to fall off. Her chest was topless, but she seemed unconcerned about her nudity, seemingly more worried about being tangled up in her clothes. She stood completely at ease, as if the swords in her hands were all she needed as she cut off the drooping panties as well, now completely bare.

Akira realized she was staring at a girl who had just completely stripped herself naked and averted her eyes, blushing. Tsukuyomi merely raised an eyebrow. "Oh… no way to tell if you dye your hair yet, I see."

_Up in Skuld's station, alarms rang. "WARNING! FANSERVICE LIMIT REACHED, TOLERANCES AT MAX!"_

_Skuld sighed as she frantically worked controls. "This never happened when Belldandy was around…"_

"Step away from the girls," Kuro said, swords in a ready position.

Tsukuyomi smiled. "No."

Kuro scowled. "Hey! Defiant one-liners are supposed to be MY thing! You're supposed to say something about how ignorant I am and how I can't stop your plans! Do things properly, darn it!"

_Somewhere, Kitsu Chiri sneezed in the middle of sharpening her shovel, as was proper._

Tsukuyomi just smiled… and blurred as she suddenly attacked Akira again. Kuro countered in commando, and they clashed continuously in a cacophonous cadence of complex kata and competent coordination. The pain in Akira's side reminded her she was bleeding, and she struggled to get out of the way. There was no hope of reaching Konoka now, but drawing back was possible. As injuries go, blood loss was pretty serious, and while she had been hurt before, it had usually taken more than a mere sword. The naked Kuro danced around her, seemingly not affected by her crawling past leaving a trail of blood on the floor.

Tsukuyomi cried out something, and suddenly a curving ripple in the air flew at Akira, flying past Kuro. The dark-skinned girl— Akira found herself wondering if she was still a chaperone— cursed and suddenly blurred in front of Akira, performing some kind of counter before it struck the Senshi.

In a flash, Tsukuyomi had sliced a window off its hinges, suddenly snatching Konoka's still form and leaping into the night. Kuro swore, but didn't pursue. Instead she let her swords drop and knelt by Akira, still heedless of her nudity, and began to examine her wound. "Darn it. It's not deep, but unless it's treated soon, you're going to drain out." She reached for the remains of her sweater and quickly folded it up, pressing the impromptu bandage against the wound. "Hold it in place. Pity. It was a good sweater too."

Akira complied. "You're… a little girl."

"I prefer 'loli', thank you very much," Kuro said. "Keep applying pressure." She drew out a cell phone and dialled. "Calculator! I need a medic. I've got a blood loss injury here that Avalon's overkill for and too slow besides. No, it's not for me, it's for the local Sailor Mercury." Kuro drew the phone from her ear as a voice strangely familiar to Akira erupted from it. "No, it's not her. Apparently, there's a different Mercury here. They got away with Alba too. You better tell AngelGARd. Yeah, okay."

She put away the phone. "Help's on the way. Stay still." Kuro reached for the skirt and slipped it over her head. Twisting its waistband around her breasts, she managed to make a serviceable dress. Apparently, she wasn't as lacking in modesty as Akira thought. She studied Akira as she settled on her heels. "You're a 3-A girl," Kuro said after a moment.

Akira's blood ran cold.

"I think your magic is trying to make me not think about it…" Kuro said. "But I'm stubborn that way."

"You know about—" Akira cut herself off. "Oh, of course you do. Why should I be surprised? After all, Chisame is some kind of Dark Magical Girl. Why can't our chaperone be a magic loli exhibitionist?"

"Wannabe sex fiend," Kuro said as if correcting, holding up a lock of Akira's hair. "Black hair. That narrows it down. I've never heard of the Senshi transformation changing hair color. Gender maybe, but not hair color—"

Akira paled. "G-gender?"

"— except for that crappy Sentai show that the Senshi thought was hilarious and Pluto sued out of boredom," Kuro continued, "so that rules out you being Ayaka. You're not stacked enough to be Chizuru—"

"Gee, thanks," Akira said sarcastically.

Sweat had started beading on Kuro's brow. "— and anyway, she's a redhead and has a more terrifying 'Nice One's aura than you. Konoka's just been captured, you're too pale to be Tatsumiya, definitely not Setsuna, hair's too short to be Yuuna, too sane to be Haruna—"

"Gee, thanks," Akira said again, more sincerely.

"Hakase and Chao are out…" she trailed off, growling. "Stupid identity magic. Okay, not Sayo, not Asakura, not Asuna…" She began listing down all the members of 3-A's roll. "…not Ako, not Ak—" She paused. She stared intently at Sailor Mercury. "No…" she said slowly. Sweat was now flooding from her forehead, and she shook slightly. "No… _not_ not Akira… tall. Long dark hair, public speaking problems, modesty, suicidal self-sacrificing courage, so-so breasts—"

"HEY!" Akira said indignantly.

"Ookuchi Akira…" Kuro said slowly. The shaking vanished at the words. "Class 3-A. Swimmer. And now, Sailor Mercury."

Akira stared. "I-I don't know what y-you're talking about! I'm definitely not Ookuchi Akira! Though I hear that she's awesome."

Kuro rolled her eyes. "Is everyone in 3-A such a crappy liar?"

There were heavy footsteps, the shrieks of monkeys and plods that sounded like someone shooting off confetti. A moment later, three girls rounded the corner. One wore full-body black plate armor with wings on the back, holding a small wand. Another wore white with a bunny backpack, a knife in her hands, slashing at monkeys and turning them to paper. A third wore a black dress, a book floating in front of her, surrounded by her own metal, mechanical-looking monkeys. All three wore masks.

"Wow, no tentacles?" Kuro said dryly. "Someone call Lois Lane."

"Shut up, you," dark-dressed girl said easily. She glanced at Mercury. "Why is Mars wearing Mercury's stuff?"

"Long story," Kuro said, offhandedly backhanding a monkey that tried to sneak up on her. It exploded into paper. "Black!"

"Here," the armored girl said, waving her wand over Akira and muttering some nonsense words followed by what sounded like Latin. Immediately, Akira felt a tingling at her side, almost but not quite an itch, and then a lack of pain. She looked down at her side. Though blood stained the slash on her sei fuku, the wound had closed up, leaving a small, tender line of flesh where it had been.

The armored girl grunted. "There. Best I can do. Maga Alba's our healer."

"Speaking of whom, you just missed her," Kuro said, jerking a thumb at the open window. "Some girl in an Eva-esque dress and swords kidnapped her and jumped out the window."

The dark-armored girl swore. "Tsukuyomi!"

Kuro raised an eyebrow. " _That's_ who that was? I heard she was crazier."

"I'll update Erebus," the armored girl said. "AngelGARd can go after her." She gave Kuro a look. "Could you _please_ put some clothes on?"

As the armored girl put what looked like a card against her forehead, Kuro glanced at Akira and winked. Then she made a gesture with her hands. Light burst around her, crackling arcs of it weaving around her naked body as the over-sized skirt fell away. When it faded, red cloth, black leather and armor covered the girl's form, still barely covering the essentials and definitely accentuating what wasn't covered. Her pale hair was now pinned up in the back as she grinned at Akira, then bent over and pulled something out of the pocket of the fallen skirt, putting it on her face. When she straightened, she wore a black domino mask, and Akira could feel some subtle magic around her face.

The Senshi gasped. "I know you! A couple of nights ago… those monsters… Black Archer!"

Kuro winked at her again, and Akira HAD to wonder how the _hell_ she managed that while wearing a domino mask. "Magical Girl Black Archer, at your service, Mercury-chan. And these are my friends, Valkyrie Black–" the armored girl waved vaguely, still holding the card to her head, "– Psycho Purple–"

"H-hello!" the white-clad girl said as she executed a smooth circling slash with her knife, cutting several monkey out of the air and turning them back into paper.

"– and Kira Deathote Paru-sama," Kuro finished.

"Yo!" the one in the black dress said, directing her own monkeys.

Akira paled. "Killer Deathnote?" she repeated.

"Yeah, she's pretty evil, but thankfully, she's on our side," Kuro chirped, helping Akira back on her feet. "She's devoted to using her evil for the cause of good. And yeah, we don't get it either. But she's loyal to her friends, and that's what counts."

"Don't spread that around!" Deathnote admonished. "You'll ruin my rep!"

Akira stared at the three girls. "You're all… Magical Girls?"

"Yup!" Deathnote said.

Behind the crowd of monkeys, another girl appeared, clad in what could only be called a heavily plate-armored loli goth dress. "Go!" she cried. "I'll take care of the inn! Erebus will meet you outside!"

"Thanks Twilight Red!" Kuro said. She turned to Akira. "Come on. Let's get that girl back!"

...

**Setsuna and Tsukuyomi.**

Sakurazaki Setsuna had managed to shake off Negi and Chao from her trail even before Chisame joined them. After Ojou-sama's screams stopped, she had found it hard to locate their source. Especially since the screams seemed to have come from two different places. She correctly guessed it had to mean both her Ojou-sama and her counterpart had been attacked.

Still, she had a general idea both attacks had happened in that general area of the building. To make their escape, presumably with their prey since Ojou-sama was too important for anything but keeping her alive (at least, so Setsuna desperately hoped), they'd have to come out through that same side.

So, trying to keep her cool, and her mind as analytical and logical as possible despite the screams of 'PANIC PANIC PANIC!-!-!-!-!' in her head, she jumped out of the nearest window to the ground floor, quickly hid between some bushes, and kept a careful watch, ready for the first sign of an exit from any window, door, or even the rooftop, Yuunagi firmly in hand.

She had her reward moments later, when she saw a short girl in a long dress jumping out into the night, carrying a naked Ojou-sama in her arms. For a moment, Setsuna could make their figures out clearly under the direct light of the moon, and she gasped aloud.

"You!" she hissed, then began running down the street, after the surprisingly fast kidnapper. Fortunately, it was very late, and the area was deserted at the moment.

The girl she was chasing was as fast as ever. Still, Setsuna felt confident on still being her superior in every area. She would be catching up to her in a few...

Then Setsuna noticed a second Setsuna running next to her, almost leaving her behind. She had to be have been monstrously quick, since Setsuna hadn't even felt her coming. The second Setsuna wasn't in her Chibi form anymore, but her still-dyed hair and the costume complete with mask she was wearing made it hard to identify her, even for someone who was basically herself. It took Setsuna a few seconds to be sure she was, indeed...

"Sakurazaki-san!" she shouted. "What are you doing here?-!"

"What do you think?-! The same thing you're doing!"

"Back off! That's _my_ Ojou-sama, and it's _my_ duty to rescue her!"

AngelGARd blinked, looking more carefully at the fleeing forms. As a matter of fact, the Konoka being carried away looked too young to be the Ojou-sama she had devoted her own life to. Darn it! Apparently Kuro hadn't been able to get a good look at the Konoka that had been kidnapped…

AngelGARd began to slow down, torn between saving that oh so perfect looking lookalike and trusting her friends to handle the situation with _her_ Ojou-sama until she could rejoin them, and leaving the other Konoka to be saved by her younger counterpart. But then her mind froze when she heard the other Setsuna scream, "TSUKUYOMI!"

Wait. What? How? _She_ hadn't ever met Tsukuyomi until the day _her_ Konoka was first kidnapped...

Tsukuyomi stopped abruptly, Setsuna slowing down behind her. A confused Sakurazaki followed suit.

Without turning back, the kidnapper said, "Onee-sama."

"Onee-sama?" AngelGARd echoed, frazzled. Okay, the just sounded _so_ wrong on _so_ many levels…

The girl with the light long hair turned around, smiling innocently. "Forgive me for dropping by without visiting you, Onee-sama. But I was sure you'd eventually come after us anyway! I just didn't expect it'd be so soon. Ehhhh, my Oneesama outdoes my expectations, like always! You're so genial and great, Setsuna-Oneesama...!"

"You... You _know_ **her**?" Sakurazaki, distaste on her face.

Her younger alternate self nodded, keeping a deadly serious face.

"Oh, I see you brought a lovely friend, too! With good fashion sense, even!" the giggly girl cooed. "Are you aiming for a double date?" She bowed to Sakurazaki. "Pleased to meet you! I'm Aoyama Tsukuyomi, Setsuna Oneesama's half sister!"

Only the intense physical and emotional training she had undergone, not to mention the general weirdness of the past year and change prevented AngelGARd from fainting in horror and disgust right then and there.

...

**Natsuki and Konoka.**

The black-haired teen walked into the dark and smelly alley confidently, her hands hanging near her hips, separated enough from them to make clear she wasn't reaching for any hidden guns, but also close enough to guarantee she could reach for them if she had to.

Just in case.

"I got your call," she called out evenly. "Show yourself."

Strong steps in the alley's darkness. A deep, manly voice spoke, powerful Germanic accent pronouncing the words in perfect, if rough, English, with a slight Gotham tinge. Natsuki was a delinquent and a slacker, but she was a smart girl. She had studied long and hard on everything needed to carry her vendetta, and English was a must when researching the First District. "Are you Kuga Natsuki?"

"Yes."

"You came alone?"

"As agreed."

The voice chuckled gruffly. "A huge risk to take, isn't it?"

"You must know I wouldn't have come without taking precautions. And really, I'm not important enough to merit an ambush from anyone, am I?" she asked. "Show yourself. I'll be gone in three minutes."

"Hasty, hasty." The voice was amused, even as the tall figure stepped into sight. It was a very tall woman with a powerful muscular build and a large chest, her blond hair short and cut in a military style. Even the black clothes she wore were reminiscent of a combat uniform, giving her a strong Neo-nazi look. Still, her voice was clearly that of a man. She produced a thick manila folder, offering it to the young woman. "My name's Bruno. My employer wanted you to see this."

Natsuki still didn't accept it. "Why?"

The Aryan chuckled with no humor. "You'll only understand it when you read it."

"Where did you get it?"

"Let's just say the people I work with has had contact with the First District."

"And how did you know my number?"

A sinister smile. "I was told they got your insider. Relax, while he's leaving a widow, they actually got him because of other, much worse missteps…."

Natsuki paled visibly, but finally reached for it and took it, briefly congratulating herself on wearing thick biker gloves. The envelope had a small smiley face pinned on it. "I have no reason to believe anything that comes from... a mystery man?" she tersely said. "For all I know, this is nothing but fabricated junk."

"Ask Konoe Eishun about it later, if you want," 'Bruno' almost laughed. "See if he has the guts to deny it."

Natsuki scowled with a thoughtful air around her. Konoe Eishun? Oh, yes. Konoe Konoka's father. She had read on him while researching on the local mages and their associates. Was he involved in her mother's death? All the reports on him said he was squeaky clean, but then again, those often are the worst ones.

"What do you have to gain from this?" she asked again.

A disturbing smile crept up Bruno's face. "My employer likes... making people happy. And seems like he has taken a particular pity on you."

That made her snarl viciously. "I'm not a thing to be pitied."

"We're all things to be pitied," the large thug replied, with a half philosophical, half grimly-amused tone.

"Speak for yourself," Kuga huffed, keeping her eyes on her. Or him. Whatever. Gah, damned Americans!

The Aryan turned around with her hands in her pockets. Or his. "See you around, Honey."

"We'd better not," Natsuki said, seeing her (or him) disappearing down the alley.

She waited, perfectly still, for a long time.

Then she walked back to her motorcycle. The girl put the driving helmet on, and ripped the envelope open before turning the machine on. She should know better, but she couldn't help it. She had to know, immediately.

Her eyes grew wider.

The first copied paper she saw was an old photo of her mother, along with a young man with black hair and glasses. They stood together, smiling and holding hands as they posed for the camera.

Natsuki felt it like a punch to the stomach.

...

**Tales of Mundus Magicus, Part 4- Tosaka.**

He kept on walking, leaving the noises of the arena behind.

He breathed in and out slowly, feeling the ground under his feet becoming slightly colder as he approached his personal quarters.

The cold was nearly unbearable by the time he reached his door. Still, he knocked on the terribly icy door, ignoring the intense pain of near-freezing on his knuckles. He was well used to pain, after all.

To Pain and Panic.

The two diminutive, grotesque figures opened the door from the inside, scurrying away quickly while muttering hushed welcomes. He said nothing as he walked past them, ignoring the way they stared cowardly, murderous daggers at him when his back was turned on them. Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on the huge, broad shouldered figure in black sitting on his favorite chair, facing away from him. The air was hot as Hell itself now. And with good reason, though that had always intrigued him, this strange dichotomy of hot and cold.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked.

There was a chuckle, an amused one.

"I wouldn't waste my precious time being here otherwise, would I?"

"I guess not..." the man humbly admitted, lowering his face.

"Oh, Tosaka. Tosaka, Tosaka, Tosaka. Why so... gloomy?" the much taller, sinister figure rose from the chair, his shark-like grin showing up as he twirled his head around to look at him. Sharp yellow eyes. Bony hands armed with long sharp fingernails. An eternal green flame dancing actively on the top of his head. Pale, blueish skin. "You thought I'd say 'serious', didn't you? I bet you did. But you know, I'm more Woods than Ledger..."

Tosaka didn't understand that last part at all, but then again, much of what his visitor ever said was a mystery to him. "I haven't had a good day," he replied truthfully.

"I can say..."

"What can I do for you?"

The visitor rubbed his long chin thoughtfully. "Oh, I don't know. If you've been having such a bad day, perhaps I shouldn't bother you with my requests, my good Tosaka. Maybe I should look for _someone else_..."

"No!" the black haired man gasped, quickly trying to regain his composure. "I mean... you know I'm never too busy for you."

"As it should be, since I wasn't busy for you when you needed me," the visitor nodded, pleased. He ran a strong arm over Tosaka's shoulders, reminding him once more of the contrast between those skeletal hands and the rest of his body, besides just how scorching his skin felt on contact. He had made a nearly literal deal with the Devil. "Don't fret, my friend, I'm not going to ask anything huge from you. When have I ever abused our friendship, Tos?"

"Never," he said.

"That's the right answer!" Affably, the visitor patted his back a bit too hard. Tosaka was a hardened fighting veteran, and yet that casual pat was almost enough to topple him down to his face. The figure in black walked across the room, arms crossed behind his back. "I just need you to hold someone for me for a while. Someone who should be a nice attraction for this Arena of ours, so you'll even get a good profit out of it! Am I a good dealer, or what? Of course, should she happen to escape..." His eyes fell on Tosaka, burning bright red, "... I _wouldn't be pleased_."

"Why... Why don't you just hold her yourself the—"

And then he was towering over him, looking down at him, his shadow blanketing him. "I have my siblings' eyes on me every day, you silly flesh thing! I don't want them learning I have this person under my control! But here, in this world, this neutral ground, they won't be able to come for her even if they wanted to! And that's more of an explanation than you deserve!"

"... I understand..."

Again, he smiled benevolently. "Good. Sorry about that outburst. I've been having a bad day, too. Thanks for being so understanding."

His steps skipped lively as he led Tosaka further inside the quarters, Pain and Panic scurrying behind like worms.

"She's a lovely person. I'm sure she won't be any problem. The only thing I need from you is an agreement you won't let her go, and you won't let... _anything bad_... happen to her. So hold those two lustful friends of yours away from her, okay? She's a person of great importance, after all. A real hot commodity in the power struggles Down Below... Hah! I'll show Grim and that bitch Mandy…"

There was a young looking blond girl sitting on Tosaka's bed, sporting a blank expression. She had pointy ears and red eyes, and was wearing a tight black dress and high heels. Busty and shapely, with fair skin, several large guns hanging from her hips.

Tosaka blinked. "Lord Hades?"

Hades chuckled raspily. "Isn't she just adorable? You can call her Rozalin."

...

**\- To be continued...**

* * *

**Sailor V Says**

"Hello, ladies and germs! This is The Joker in a Sailor V outfit!"

"And I'm Hoshino Ruri in a Sailor Mercury outfit. If you happen to feel Squicked now, please remember, at least _you_ are not standing right next to him."

"You're just jealous my legs are nicer. Either way, since Minako and Akira are still recovering from last chapter's session with Panty, we'll be handling today's segment!"

"Yes. The moral of the chapter is 'Learn to trust your friends'."

"Right! Because if Negi had just trusted one of his prized students just a bit more, right now, he wouldn't have his boys crushed!"

"... His boys?"

"Ruri Ruri, you're just too innocent!"

"I thought they had crushed his testicles. I was unaware he had any children of his own. Isn't he still far too young for that?"

"... Oh, youngsters nowadays! When you think you can corrupt them, TV has already done it for you!"

"I assure you I watch as little television as possible. The internet is ninety percent porn, remember? Regardless of that, dear public, you should always trust those close to you, even if those loved ones later try to reveal magic to the world, leading you to be accused of treason, putting you in risk of being turned into an ermine, and then fighting you atop a dirigible."

"Heck, other than the whole magic and ermines part, that's the whole basis of my friendship with Batman!"

"My only friends were the doctors in the bioengineering lab. They put needles into me once every twelve hours and forced me to watch Tron."

"Enough with the sympathy ploys, Ruri Ruri!"

"Sorry."

"Other than Batman, my friends include Lex Luthor, that invisible goblin who takes _only one_ sock away when you aren't looking, my favorite whoopie cushion, the Devil, Torgo from "Manos: The Hands of Fate", and several writers for Venezuelan soap operas."

"Over Master would like to send a announcement this hasn't been a comment on the quality of the network programming he's often forced to watch, by the way."

"Of course not. Then, boys and girls, learn to love and trust your friends, and also always follow Haruna's advice and rope them into being friends with benefits!"

"Are we allowed to give _two_ morals per episode?"

"Screw the rules, I have a gun and the writers' pet puppy kidnapped somewhere."

"Ah." A pause, and then a whisper. "Idiot."

"I heard that!"

...

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Time Traveller:_ **

**Full Name:** Konoe Konoka

 **Known Aliases:** Maga Alba, "OJOU-SAMA!", That Crazy Healing Girl

 **Alignment:** Neutral Good

 **ECL:** Combat Rank, Librarian-Level threat; Healing Rank, "Anything short of your head squashed like a tomato".

 **Sexuality:** possibly bisexual, confirmed Negi-sexual (but who isn't?)

 **Family:** KonoeKonoemon (grandfather), Konoe Eishun (father), Aoyama Motoko (paternal second degree aunt), Aoyama Tsuruko (paternal second degree aunt), Aoyama "The Joker's Daughter **_OH SHIT!"_** Tsukuyomi (paternal third degree cousin), The Joker (via Tsukuyomi), Konoe Kaoru (maternal 6th degree aunt).

 **Affiliations:** Mahora Academy, Ala Alba, the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association (Medic Division), the Mahora Academy Library Explorers Club,

 **Background** : Konoe Konoka has been best friends with Kagurazaka Asuna since they met in school. When Negi Springfield became her roommate, she remained ignorant of his abilities and activities for an an unusually long time. She was also ignorant of her own latent magical abilities.

All these things came to light for her during the school trip to Kyoto, where she was kidnapped by dissident Amagasaki Chigusa for her power in an attempt to summon a demon god. She became one of Negi's Ministra and soon began learning healing magic.

During Mahorafest, she acted as a healing station for anyone hurt during the 'festivities'. After Mahorafest she assisted with the training of Negi Springfield in physical combat and was a founding member of Ala Alba. She also further developed her healing magic, and appears to have developed her disturbing healing fetish/obsession around this point, as well as her fondness for meido outfits— or more specifically, Setsuna IN a meido outfit.

The incident at the Megalomesembria City Gateport led to her being teleported to a distant part of Mundus Magicus with Nagase Kaede, where they survived by taking bounties. They later encountered Asuna and Setsuna before they traveled to Ostia.

In the end, she, like the rest of Ala Alba, was instrumental in the defeat of Kosmo Entelekhia. Things, however, did not settle down. She, also like the rest of Ala Alba, was drawn into the incident known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case.

During the Wolkenritter's attack on Mahora, she was occupied providing healing. She was also one of those who responded during the Invader mass-activation incident at the end of the 5th Holy Grail War in Fuyuki city.

Observers have detected a similarity to her personality and Daidouji Tomoyo. Handle with care.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Konoka is a trained librarian, and thus skilled in rappelling, unarmed combat, small arms combat, ropes, knives, the Dewey Decimal System, library and wilderness survival, spelunking, book repair, finding the smutty books intentionally misplaced in the shelves by students trying to keep them all to themselves, locking, and trap identification and disarmament, among other skills. She is also a classically trained Mage, having learned healing magic under the Dark Evangel.

Her elemental specialty is light and fire magic, but knows only two basic combat spells, having concentrated on healing. She has a habit of pouring too much power into her spells. While this is fine for healing, it does not bode well for fire spells. She has set so many buildings on fire, second only to Servant Assassin, that she is now forbidden from combat.

...

**_From the files of Akagi Ritsuko, Sailor Pluto, Senshi of Time, Second Guardian of the Gates of Time:_ **

**Full Name:** Jonathan Crane.

 **Known Aliases:** The Scarecrow, Irving Diedrich, Alan Rance.

 **Alignment:** Chaotic Evil.

 **Religion:** Raised a Baptist, but has scorned religion after reaching adulthood. Currently an Atheist.

 **Sexuality:** Heterosexual, although his sadistic, murderous leanings have rendered him mostly unfeeling for actual romantic desires. He seems to derive more pleasure from psychological torture than any sort of sexual activities.

 **Family:** Gerald Crane (Father, deceased), Karren Dove (Mother, deceased), Olivia Dove (Maternal Grandmother, deceased), Marion Keeny (Maternal Great-Grandmother, deceased).

 **Affiliations:** Crane prefers acting as a solitary criminal, but he sometimes acts with small gangs of three or four henchmen. He also has allied himself with The Joker and Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, alias 'The Penguin'. Currently employed under a false name by Professor Souichi Tomoe in the Mahora College Area.

 **Background:** Born in an impoverished family of Georgia farmers, Jonathan Crane was abandoned by his father at a very young age, and his mother neglected him after marrying another man. Crane was mostly raised by his fanatically strict, sadistic great-grandmother, growing to be a lonely boy who only found solace on books. During his formative years, he was scorned and abused by his classmates, who nicknamed him a 'scarecrow' because of his lanky, extremely thin physique.

After his great-grandmother's death, Crane was the victim of a public humiliation in high school, caused by the captain of the local football team Bo Griggs and his girlfriend Sherrie Squires, a young woman Crane himself had an interest on. Weeks later, after the graduation prom, the car Griggs and Squires were in crashed under strange circumstances, killing her and rendering him a paraplegic.

Crane moved to Gotham City, and his knowledge on psychology and chemistry granted him a brief internship working at Arkham Asylum before moving to teach Psychology in the Hamilton Hill University. While there, he quickly grew infamous amongst his colleagues for his unorthodox teaching methods, most of them revolving around practical applications of fear, which he believes the main motivator of human behavior. He was fired after an incident where he shot a gun in an auditorium to prove a point to his students.

Looking for revenge, Crane was inspired by the recent masked exploits of Gotham's vigilante, the Batman, and cat-burglar Catwoman, to make a costumed secret identity for himself. Donning a straw-packed tattered costume inspired by his childhood memories, he called himself the Scarecrow and murdered the senior faculty responsible for his dismissal. Afterwards, he contracted his services to Gotham's crime families as a killer for hire, particularly the Falcone family. This crime spree came to a halt when the Batman himself captured Crane and sent him to Arkham Asylum.

Crane has fought Batman and his sidekick Robin several times. Recently, however, he was sprung from Arkham by shady benefactors, who also arranged a new teaching job for him at Mahora University. I have a solid idea of how this will end. Sadly, despite my best intentions to make up for my past, my non-interference limitations prevent me from acting in situations not directly threatening to the timeline's stability.

Meioh Setsuna's post is a harsh one. I can't save everyone.

I mustn't.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Crane is a human being with no superhuman powers or usage of magic, although he recently has been informed about its existence. However, he has trained himself in the Crane Style of Kung Fu, using his limber and long limbs in a bizarre self-made fighting style he calls 'violent dancing'. He is skilled with the use of scythes as weapons as well, and is a good shooter.

Crane's most infamous weapon is his fear gas, a concoction of his invention that makes his victims hallucinate about their worst fears, rendering them docile and unable to fight back. Prolonged exposition to this gas will cause cardiac arrest and death. He also has learned hypnotism, and can use sonic ultrafrequences to induce panic fits when his fear gas is not available.

Years of experimenting with his chemicals have rendered Crane immune to them, and generally unable to feel fear. He claims Batman himself is the only thing that can scare him now.

In most prior temporal iterations, Crane has also been, at some point or another, the selected host for the Yellow Power Ring of the Sinestro Corps in Space Sector 2814.

* * *

 **Next Episode** : … Is actually a filler one, since we have a few loose pieces we will use to post all together between proper chapters to make your wait shorter. Take a glimpse into several alternate possible different aspects and outcomes of the Unequally in this 'All What-If' chapter! What If Unequally had been a Zombie Story? What if Asuna had been replaced by Shiori from the start? What if Ami was Sailor Mercury? And a lot more!

 **And the Episode after that:** … The story reassumes, and the Kyoto arc kicks high! Even if Negi survives his encounter with Chigusa and rescues Konoka, he'll still have to face the threat of Asakura Kazumi's research! And a double confession from Nodoka and Natsumi! Plus, Ichigo and Hiyori do some spiritual bonding the rough way! And the Joker meets a girl after _her_ heart… literally! It's everything from naked Shizuna-sensei to Kampfers to an even bigger secret family revelation in a chapter we call… The Scoop Chase! Be there, and be good!

* * *

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OM, signing off.

 

 


	37. Almost a Lesson 32: What if?

**OM's Notes: Once again, I wrote all of this here and there during the main storyline's creation, and it'd be a shame to let it go waste, so think of it as yet another added bonus between chapters.**

* * *

Warning! A lot of this was written or invented while I was co-writing _Decadent Habits,_ and you know what that means. This bonus chapter will have some of the most lemony brief segments seen in this fic so far, and if you really hate that kind of stuff, you're advised to skip it and wait for the next, In-Continuity chapter.

If not, well, no matter what happens, you can look back at this chapter later and tell yourself, "Well, the story could have been worse!"

Thanks to all those who collaborated with snippets for this piece.

Also, this October the 20th is my B-Day, so basically, this is kinda my birthday present to myself. Yeah…

* * *

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

**Lesson 31 and a Half: What If…?**

* * *

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Do we look like we have hot cosplayer wives, or what?_

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Takeuchi Naoko _._

 _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_ was created by and belongs to Kumeta Koji.

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ belongs to Hasbro.

 _What If…?,_ the Fantastic Four and Uatu the Watcher belong to Marvel Comics.

 _Fate Stay Night_ is owned by TYPE-MOON.

Batman, Superman, and all related elements belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Thanks to all the fanfic writers who wrote the pieces parodied or homaged in this chapter.

...

_Dan da da dandan da dan!_

**_Previously, on Unequally Rational and Emotional_** :

 **Kuro** : After a lot of hardships, hard training and assorted sexy hijinks, both Negi and his students and the Alternate Negi and his Ala Alba team– and moi!– travel to Kyoto, where they are ambushed by the mad swordswoman Tsukuyomi and the renegade leader Amagasaki Chigusa. Tsukuyomi is revealed to be Setsuna's younger half sister, and— WAIT! This is the _correct_ recap of the arc so far!

 **Chisame** : Isn't it supposed to work that way?

 **Kuro** : Of course not! I'm supposed to give a screwy, nonsensical fake recap as an attempt at a Running Gag! Who wrote this? They got it all right, which means it's all wrong!

 **Sayo** : Um, well, this is the special What If or Elseworlds chapter, so all the rules have changed. That's why I can talk to you, and you can listen to me...

 **Kuro** : Oh. Is that so? Don't be silly, I can always talk to ghosts. Word of Overlord says so. But seriously, who comes with this kind of crap ideas?

 **Chizuno Masuto** : Well, I had this bunch of snippets I gathered along the way, and I didn't have any other place where to post them all together...

 **Senou Kaede** : I have NOTHING to do with this. I just edit around here

 **Chisame** : Gah, Self-Inserts! Stay away! I know your kind! Now you'll use your powers over plot to have sex with me, you... you Authors!

 **Chizuno Masuto** : Don't be absurd! I'd never use my powers for evil, Wish Fulfillment, or Naruto writing!

 **Senou Kaede** : W _histles innocently_

 **Cocone** : Author-san, will I end up with Misora, with Negi, or both?

 **Tokiha Mai** : Author-san, will I regain at least some of the protagonism I lost?

 **Setsuna** : Thank you very much for not making me Ojou-sama's bait-and-switch sister. How can I repay you in some way not involving sex?

 **Kino Makoto** : You killed me, you bastard!

 **Chizuno Masuto** : For any questions, please contact my fictional set of lawyers...

 **Senou Kaede** : Well, I better get back to my own writing

 **Kuro:** Yeah, our own universe has stalled, you talentless, loli-worshipping, attention-starved hack!

 **Twilight Red** : So, um, then we're skipping this one, aren't we?

 **Valkyrie Black** : Just as well. I have a few _Tales of Yue's Harem_ segments to film this week.

 **Kira Deathnote Paru-sama:** Damn you for being his choice of Memetic Sex Goddess!

 **Yue** : Please, Ayase-san, teach me how to be you...

 **Valkyrie Black** : Patience, you'll eventually get there on your own...

 **Kinomoto Sakura** (walks in wearing a Green Lantern costume): Hey, Tomoyo-chan, are you sure Nanoha-chan won't mind about this...?

 **Daidouji Tomoyo** (wearing a Star Sapphire costume): Of course not! There are around five thousand of fellows out in space wearing the same basic motif! Although I'll bet none of them has such a lovely variant as yours, and no one fills it _that_ well...

 **Kinomoto Sakura** : Hoooeeee, I'm just not sure it should have this much cleavage...

 **Takamachi Nanoha of 2814** : Author-san! Back to work! You're in the middle of a fight scene!

 **Joker** : And that's where things get too crazy even for me. Nothing to see here anymore, fellas, move on and go enjoy the chapter before I shoot you...

* * *

**Prologue: What If OverMaster decided to Make a What If Special?**

High above Earth, hidden from all inhabitants of Mundus Vetus or Mundus Magicus, surrounded by impossibly advanced cloaking devices millions of years old, there is a fortress in the dark side of the Moon. Such majestically huge abode, with its crystalline towers, is the residence to a single, towering being (fun fact: it used to be a tool shed during the Silver Millennium). A humanoid of bright empty eyes and large bald head, clad in the kind of regal white robes that make you look imposing as long as you are in a comic book and not in real life.

Upon our arrival, he stands at the fortress' entrance, gesturing ahead with a hand, his voice resounding through the artificial atmosphere of his encapsulated domain.

"Greetings! I am Uatu the Watcher, a being who has chronicled the exploits, tragedies and triumphs of this universe since its fiery birth, and shall continue doing so until its final demise! Always sworn to watch and register, to observe and record, but never to interfere, no matter what! Even if they are about to release another _Twilight_ book or another _Negima_ live action series, I am to hold my hand from direct intervention on the mortals' affairs, no matter how tempting it is to push a satellite out of orbit and drop it on someone's head!"

"However, nothing stops me from sharing impressions of the multiple ways the sands of time could have shifted around with you. As a matter of fact, I used to do just that for years, in a highly lucrative side gig for Marvel Comics in the _What If_ comic book title until Wolverine stole the show. And now, I shall be doing just that again, to guide you through an universe of infinite impossibilities!"

"Through my recent years of watching over you Earthlings, the deeds of Negi Springfield and his associates have caught my eye. And not because of the young nubile females gravitating around him..."

"..."

"Well, it _is_ lonely up here, but—"

"Regardless! The events of Ala Alba's adventures might have happened a trillion different ways! Each change to the continuum would have brought awe-inspiring consequences! And so, I offer you all a glimpse into only a few of those possible alternate outcomes! Step with me, as I guide you through a trip beyond the boundaries of this particular reality! It is a trip ages shall call... **The Unequally Rational and Emotional What If Special!** "

"Just remember to keep your arms and head inside at all times, and do not feed the ermines or Incubators."

* * *

**What If Unequally Rational and Emotional became Negimaru?**

Chisame seethed nervously, pacing up and down her room, with a concerned Matoi looking up at her from her spot at the kotatsu, and Hakase absently tinkering with some machinery. Chamo was carelessly puffing on a cigarette in his drawer of pilfered panties.

"Chisame-sama, just let it go..." Matoi pleaded. "It's only a popularity ranking..."

"No, it's **my** popularity ranking!" Chisame barked. Good thing Negi was teaching the Baka Rangers their review classes, or he'd have been sent running for the hills in panic. "The one I worked hard for years to keep, ever since I first grew breasts! That Number One spot was mine, earned with blood, sweat and tears! And now who has it? Asuna! Freaking Asuna! What has she done to deserve it? NOTHING! She just walks around without a care in the world, gets her photos taken, and then she gets to be the Internet's dandy without any effort! Does she sew her own costumes? Does she mind her photography? Does she set up her own page with all the love and devotion a mother would give her child? Does she take Kimura-sempai's advice to talk to those lawyers to protect her rights? No!"

"I doubt she'd be too happy if she _knew_ someone's out there taking pictures of her..." Hakase coolly opined.

"Yeah. Why don't you tell her what's happening? I bet she'll find that creepy stalker photographer and kick his worthless ass herself then, Tsunetsuki said, in a blissfully ignorant abuse of hypocrisy.

"No! If I tell her I know that, I'll have to explain how I know it!" Chisame said. "Then she'll know I'm Chiu! And she'll tell Konoka! And Konoka will tell the librarians! And Haruna will tell the whole school!"

"Well, there's that, yes, Matoi pondered. "I want to keep your greatness to myself, after all".

"Why don't you try an Internet smear campaign on Asuna-nee, if you're so worried about that?" Chamo yawned. "Say she has bad breath or something. Or that she likes The Problem Solverz, writes self-inserts, or reads Twilight for fun. That always turns the Internet against you."

"I already tried to," Matoi said grimly. "I was called a Chiutard and banned out of thirty five forums."

"You know, Chisame, you're nearly physically identical to Kagurazaka-san, and you're a master of disguise, Hakase observed, never taking her eyes off her work. "Why don't you dress up as her, go out, commit a few rampant acts of public indecency in her name, and ruin her reputation so her fans will abandon her and flock back to you?"

Chisame, Chamo and Matoi stared at her in stupor.

"Satomi-nee, sometimes you remind me mad scientists ARE supposed to be EVIL!" Chamo gasped.

"DO YOU WANT TO GET ME RAPED?-!" Chisame roared.

A light bulb appeared over Matoi's head. "Raped! That's it! Chisame-sama, we only have to fake it!"

"Ah?" the hacker made a disgusted face.

Matoi stood up smiling and humming sweetly. She grabbed one of Negi's jackets and buttoned it upon her petite, slim body. She posed; her boyish looks, complete with short hair, made her look like a Bishonen.

Chisame understood. "What you mean is—"

Matoi chuckled, coming behind Hakase and bunching the genius' hair behind her head, also giving the flat girl a semi-androgynous look that only needed a few extra touches. "You've got two 'guys' to play pretend with right here."

Chamo raised an eyebrow. Now this had possibilities...

The next day, Negi returned early from his extra classes. "Girls, Chamo, I'm home! We were—"

He heard low whispers from the bedroom.

"Are you sure my crotch can't be seen from this angle?"

"Relax, Forehead, I set the cameras in all the right angles. Ah! Ah! Chisame-sama!"

"M-My name's Asuna! And... T-Tsunetsuki, I don't think you should rub that against my— OOHH, GOD!"

"It's... It's so it looks like I'm actually a man... doing... to you... OHHHH, CHISAME-SAMAAAAA!"

"MY NAME'S ASUNA, YOU IDIOT!"

Negi looked in, curiously, and became stiff as a statue.

'Asuna' grew stiff and terrified, between the Matoi-looking boy set between her legs and the Hakase-looking boy sitting on her face.

"Oh. Hello, Bro, Chamo gasped, from where he was typing the updates on Chisame's main computer with only one paw.

Negi turned around mechanically. "I... I didn't see anything, Asuna-san! Really! N-Nothing!"

And he ran away like wind before anyone could explain anything.

Half a hour later, Itoshiki-sensei found him crouched down next to his doorstep, sucking on a thumb. Out of pity, he let him sleep on his couch that night, although Negi never explained the reason...

Yaoi did **_NOT_** happen!-!-!-!-!

Three days later, Asuna's Internet popularity had skyrocketed up even more. She had to begin punching admirers asking for autographs and 'a little more' on her way back home every day...

Haruna eventually put her through to her Aunt Akane, who gave her some tips for dealing with that sort of thing

Yuri **_DID_** happen...

* * *

**What If Negi made a Pactio with Ikari Shinji?**

"Well, if you're going to do it, do it quick!" Asuka urged. "That barrier thing looks like won't hold for long, and then all those demons will be on us like white on rice!"

Chamo sighed and finished the circle. "You're so damn stubborn, Asuka-nee. It'd be much better if you did this instead of Shinji-Aniki!"

"Debatable", Haruna bit her lower lip, fingers poised over drawing notebook, itching to start.

Chamo averted his gaze as a trembling Shinji entered the circle. Negi squirmed. Rider stood aside, expressionless. "Ugh. Whatever. Do it fast, before I puke!" the ermine said. "This is a travesty! An offense against all that is good and pure and hot!"

Shinji gathered a lot of breath and leaned ahead. His lips touched Negi's.

"PACTIO!-!-!" Haruna jumped up and down. Asuka made a vaguely interested face. Rider still said nothing.

The kiss was promptly broken, both boys spitting to the side as the card landed between them. Negi produced a copy and handed it over to Shinji, neither daring to look directly at the other, cheeks flushed. "Y-You already saw the procedure with H-Haruna-san, Ikari-san. Just do w-what she did."

Shinji gulped, remembering that very brief but very glorious glimpse of unadultered Saotome nudity. Somewhere else, somehow, Ranma felt an unexplainable urge to kill.

The teen boy gulped, seeing the three girls weren't looking away. "S-Shouldn't you turn around...?"

"This is my payback for when you saw me naked, Baka-Shinji," Asuka snorted.

"Ditto, Haruna grinned.

"There must be no secrets between a Master and his Servant," Rider philosophized. "Now hurry, please. Even Negi-sensei, Haruna-sama and me can't beat off to– er, _beat_ all those demons by ourselves."

Shinji sighed. _"Adeat."_

Chamo cringed even more, looking away from the nudity showing transformation sequence. "Evil! Horrible! My manliness cringes!"

Asuka's right eyebrow twitched. "I imagined it'd be smaller...!"

Haruna wiped drool off her mouth. "Asuka-chan, I'll trade rooms with you!"

When it was over, Shinji stood there in a form fitting blue spandex suit, covering him from toes to neck, including his arms and hands. A small black and white diadem was on his head. But then, the Artifact materialized as well. All around him, elevating him, towering over the demon filled landscape.

A gigantic, purple and green robotic monstrosity with bright threatening eyes.

The demons soiled themselves en masse.

Chamo and Negi's jaws dropped.

Haruna hissed. "I just wet my panties...!" she shared, deliriously.

Rider lifted up her head, put some special glasses on, and pulled her blindfold down. _Then_ her jaw slacked as well.

"So... is that the Artifact you spoke of?" Asuka spoke softly.

Chamo could barely nod in a stiff fashion.

Asuka smirked and turned to Negi. "Pucker up, brat! I want one of those, too, but in red!"

* * *

**What If Unequally Negi and Chisame had been Revealed to be Siblings?**

Ah. She was having that strange dream again.

She was playing by herself in the garden with her toy cars. She knew girls were supposed to play with dolls, but she was clumsy and bad at playing house. For some reason, she felt more at ease with cars.

Then she saw the tall man with reddish brown hair leaving the house again, her mother angrily stomping after him, yelling at him. Stoically, with nothing but an awkward smile, the man (he reminded her of someone?) walked up to her and hugged her briefly. "Goodbye, Sora-chan, he said, and left.

Then Mom was left there crying, crying with rage and bitterness. Sora tried to comfort her, but as usual, Mom pushed her away. Mom had this difficult temper that made it hard for others to deal with her (again, she reminded Sora of someone very close. Oh, but that person hadn't been born yet).

"Mom, where did Nagi-san go now?" she asked, innocently.

"Nagi-san won't be coming back, Sora, her mother hissed.

"Like Dad?"

"Yes. Just like your Father."

Truth be told, they still saw Dad on her birthdays and Christmas, but for everything else, he was as good as gone forever.

"Why, Mom?"

"He loves someone else, Sora. He always did."

Sora put a small hand on her mother's back, and this time, just this once, she wasn't pushed back. She only was hugged, warmly. It felt nice.

"Do you know what, Sora? Nagi-san is a magical man."

"Really, Mom?"

"Yes. But he only managed to teach me one spell. Well, he only knows six himself. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes, Mom!"

Smiling sadly, her mother put a hand on her forehead. "I only regret I didn't use this on myself earlier. At least, I have the consolation he'll never know about your little sister, she mused with some vengeful harshness.

"Which little sister, Mom?"

"All in due time, Sora. All in due time, And then she whispered, _"Ancient beings, from far and near, make her memory of him disappear..."_

Hasegawa Sora woke up with a start.

She sat up rubbing her eyes, shaking her head groggily. Slowly, she remembered where she was as her eyes took in the darkness of the room. She remembered spending the night with her little sister, her roommate and their young teacher, trying to make up for all the lost time. Trying to finally be a good sister, since they had lacked a good father and mother.

Then it had started to rain, and she couldn't leave back for her dorm.

Smiling, Sora looked down at the three other figures in pajamas sharing the crowded bed with her. Honestly, every time, it was the same. There was no way to keep Negi-sensei in his futon, or Hakase-san in her own bunk.

But, Sora thought as she watched the three cuddling closely, Hakase hugging Chisame's back while Chisame held Negi against her chest, she never had seen her sister sleeping as peacefully, ever before.

So, everything was right with the world, then.

Yes.

* * *

**What If Unequally Chizuru and Arika had been Revealed to be Sisters?**

Once again, Fujimura Taiga was taking the parents and tutors' approvals for the incoming class trips. It was the last day of it, and frankly, Tiger-sensei (heh heh! I can call her like that with no fear of retaliation, because I'm the auth— OW! Sorry! I won't do it again!) was glad of it. After meeting Suzumiya's parents, and then seeing Tamura Makoto's mother again after so long, she was feeling a nervous wreck.

Really, she had never wanted to meet Tamura Umeko again. Those horrible visions of their time studying together had almost started to vanish away...

There was one last parent she had to meet, however. A parent of a 3-A student. Oh God. Taiga's head already ached again.

And then she fell silent, as she watched him walking in. Her jaw almost fell.

She always had liked older men, after all. How'd the music go? _Boom-chicka-BOW-WOW!_

This gentleman had a handsome and well-kept appearance, even if he seemed a bit too old to be Naba Chizuru's father. Oh well, men often went wild in their old age as well. What mattered is he seemed to exude charm, even if one of a slightly dangerous quality. He seemed, just from a first glance, the kind of man who had done and lived everything. His daughter hung shortly behind him, with one of her patented kind and warm smiles ©.

"Madame, he bowed, elegantly reaching for one of Taiga's hands and placing a tender kiss on it. "Charmed to meet you. I am Naba Tetsuo, Chizuru's father."

"Oh. Oh, well, nice to meet you, too, Taiga forced a smile. "I'm Fujimura Taiga, and while I'm not your daughter's homeroom teacher, I'll be glad to take your permission. Please have a seat..."

A while later, as he led her back to her dorm room, Chizuru briefly rested her head on her father's shoulder. After a brief glimpse around to verify there was no one near, she whispered, "I think she liked you."

"Probably," he chuckled, finding the idea amusing.

"She is a good woman, even if somewhat headstrong, Chizuru mused.

"That's good. I like that kind of woman."

"You like all kinds of women, Father, she reminded him, sounding a bit distant.

He ran an arm around her shoulders. "You know you are the first one in my heart."

For a second, the ever present joy of living disappeared from her words, while they stopped at her doorstep. She didn't look up at his face, keeping her gaze as low as her voice. "Liar."

Then he grabbed her by the waist and violently kissed her mouth.

After a moment of losing herself into it, melting in his embrace, she pushed him away, breathing deeply. "Not here, please! Someone could see us! Everything would be compromised!"

He ran a hand fondly through her brown hair. "Trust me, my dear, if anyone was in any condition to notice that, I would have felt it beforehand. Just be patient. Soon, soon, the moment will come when we will not need to hide this anymore."

"I'm afraid, she confided, even lower now.

He kissed her forehead this time. "Keep your trust on me, dear child. The day is coming closer, and it will be here sooner than you expect. So is your roommate, as well, he warned, taking a step back.

Chizuru recomposed herself and fixed her smile back as Natsumi opened the door from the inside. "Oh, hello, Chizu-nee! I knew I had heard voices." She turned to the man and bowed. "Good afternoon, Naba-san!"

"Good afternoon, Murakami-kun, he bowed back. "I regret not being able to dine with you, but pressing matters urge me somewhere else. Chizuru, please take care of yourself."

The tall girl nodded. "I will, Father."

"Your Dad's a very nice man. Elegant and well behaved. I wish mine were like him, Chizu-nee!" Natsumi sighed while watching him walk off-sight.

"Yes. Yes, he is, Chizuru sighed, heading for the bedroom. "Excuse me, Natsumi-chan. I'll be preparing dinner right now, but before, please let me fix my contacts, okay?"

"Okay!" Natsumi hurried for the kitchenette. "I'll be starting in the meanwhile!"

"Please do so, Naba asked, while sitting down and taking the contact lenses out now Natsumi couldn't see her.

She had told Natsumi she needed her contacts to read. She had asked her not to tell anyone, since it embarassed her. Natsumi, being such a nice girl, had agreed quickly, of course, and kept her word on it. But in truth, Chizuru had perfect eyesight, as she should.

The real reason was the same as why she had agreed so quickly to Ayaka moving in with Makie. Ayaka was sharper than Natsumi, after all, and she knew Asuna better than anyone.

Ayaka would, sooner or later, suspect something, see something she shouldn't.

Chizuru stared at her face in the mirror. Without the lenses, a set of mismatched eyes stared back at her.

One blue, the other green.

"Please, don't disappoint me, Father," she begged.

There were tiny droplets in the corners of those eyes.

* * *

**What If Unequally Rational and Emotional Became an Animated Series?**

1\. No Export for You, since the overseas legal rights to all series involved could never be sorted out.

2\. Six Fingered Makie!

3\. Tsukuyomi-Hansel sex scene replaced by having them playing checkers.

4\. Chamo is replaced by Motsu and Shichimi.

5\. Gratuitous non-canon Hakase-Sakurako Yuri Sex Scene added for the Blu-ray release. The fandom will say it's the ONE ORIGINAL THING added in that doesn't suck.

6\. Obligatory Sucky Videogame tie-in released. It doesn't get an export either, luckily for you.

7\. Asuna dies at the end.

8\. Chisame punches Negi at least twice an episode.

9\. Color booklet with sexy pictures of The Joker included with each disc. Stores refuse to sell them.

10\. Norio Wakamoto voices Shadow Crystal Mage's cameos.

* * *

**What If Rin had summoned Pinkie Pie?**

Rin rubbed the bridge of her nose. "How did we end up solving the matter of who would end up with the Grail **with a damn limbo contest**?-!"

"Well, you wouldn't go with the game show idea", Kirei said. "Oh, excuse me, this is my song". He ripped off his vestments to reveal a silk shirt, bell bottoms and vest and posed. _Staying alive, staying alive!_

"It's the perfect way to end a party, isn't it?" Servant Partygoer smiled at her Master, holding the sacred cup to her. "And I won it for you, Master, so why the long face? Cheer up!"

"The way to end a party? It's been two hours since you won that contest, and the party isn't over yet!" Rin snapped. "Ah! My curtains!"

Berserker grunted a few incoherent hellish sounds before stomping into the bathroom holding Rin's curtains.

"He says you ran out of toilet paper," Ilya translated.

Rin began sobbing. Partygoer patted her leg softly with a hoof. "Don't worry! We'll have _another_ limbo contest to close the party! You won't miss that one!"

Shield and Saber, completely sloshed, danced around Rin, holding each other tightly while Shirou and Rei stared on blankly.

Negi sighed. "Oh, Mom..."

Lifemaker/Nagi patted him on a shoulder. "At first, it also was difficult for me to accept..."

In the Throne of Heroes, Vigilante and Lancer sighed while playing poker.

"I win again."

"Like I care anymore."

* * *

**What If Sakura had been adopted by the Matous?**

"Hey, Onee-sama, Tohsaka Sakura called out, coming out of the attic with a photograph of a badly wrinkled elder man in hand. "I found this between some of Dad's books. Do you know who is it?"

Rin looked up from the arcane tome she had been reading and made a disgusted face. "Ugh. That's Matou Zouken. A creep of the highest magnitude, and leader of the Matou clan. He offered to adopt you when Dad decided to focus all his attention on training me, but..."

"But...?" Sakura asked.

Rin looked around to make sure Vigilante wasn't anywhere around, and then whispered, "Make sure Vigilante never learns about this, because otherwise he'll go straight to hunt for him, and we just don't have the strength to match the Matou clan yet. And I don't want to waste any Command spells on holding him back. But Dad learned his true purposes for you, and he rejected his offer. Quite bluntly."

Sakura looked baffled now. "What... What purposes were those?"

Rin looked even more reluctant to talk now, but finally said, "Well, Zouken's only living heir, his grandson, is an absolutely incompetent sorry failure of a magic user, so Zouken decided to use your much more potential-filled body for his selfish ends. For that, he was going to fill your body with phallic parasite worms that would replace your uterus and other organs, causing you constant suffering, and placing a relentless need for Mana in you."

Sakura grew pale. Very pale.

Rin sighed, going back to her reading. "You're a lucky girl. And never underestimate your Oneesama's protection from now on."

Sakura silently thanked whatever entity shaped the universe so she escaped such a fate.

Elsewhere, Chao Lingshen felt much better, and much more virtuous, all of a sudden. She wondered why.

"Then..." Sakura regained her speech slowly, "The-Then what did that awful man do after that?"

Rin exhaled sadly. "Well, he got himself another replacement, also gifted with a very high magical potential..."

Elsewhere at Mahora, a downcast Matou Sakura, born Kinomoto Sakura, dragged her steps across campus.

A delighted Tomoyo ran after her. "Oh, Sakura-chan...! What, were you visiting your brother again?

Sakura nodded. "Yes."

"Hmmmm!" Tomoyo nodded. "Well, you look a bit tired. What if you come to my room, and eat some pastries Mom sent me, and... well, you can put on some new dresses I made for you..."

_Mana Mana Mana Mana Mana Mana Mana Mana Mana..._

Shinji barely had any to speak of, after all

Sakura smiled very slowly. "Yeah, let's go, Tomoyo-chan..."

Hey. We never said it'd be _that_ Sakura, did we?

On the plus side, Tomoyo was **_VERY_** happy with Sakura's advances and performance. Until she found out what Zouken had done.

The Holy Grail War was called off because the Matou house disappeared in a nuclear mushroom cloud. It was blamed on Deadpool, who actually WAS there at the time...

* * *

**What if Chisame was Twins?**

"Hello, I'm Hasegawa Chisame, and this is my twin sister, Chiuko, " the taller girl droned dryly.

The much shorter Loli next to her bowed her head for only a moment, lacking just as much enthusiasm as her sister.

Negi blinked. "... Twins?"

"Twins," Chisame confirmed. Negi stared blankly, not knowing what to say. Then he looked at Hakase, as if looking for an explanation, but even the genius could do nothing but shrugging.

A few nights after, as he sleepily lurched up towards the twins' bunk, Hakase grabbed him and pulled him into the lower bunk with herself, keeping him tightly hugged so he wouldn't escape. Much to her comfort, and to something else strangely bubbling in her heart now, he hugged her back and relaxed against her.

Good. It wouldn't do, having him sneaking into the Net Idols' bed...

The bunk above hers creaked up and down, and soft pants and gasps filled the air.

Elsewhere, Fuuka and Fumika drank to forget their woes.

"The only thing we had been left...! Our Twin Threesome Fantasy factor...! And she stole that away, too...!"

"What... What if we go kill our parents? That'll give us heavy dramatic baggage, allowing us a role all our own..."

"Fumika, how many times do I have to tell you never read Decadent Habits while drinking...?"

* * *

**What If Asuna, Nekane, Ayaka and Chisame were all Negi's Sisters?**

"Girls," Shizuna announced, "This is Negi Springfield, you new English and Homeroom teacher. And these are his older sisters. Nekane Springfield-san will work as Sensei's assistant, and Asuna Springfield-Enteofushia-san, Ayaka Springfield-san and Chisame Springfield-san will be your newest classmates..."

Since the girls were very adamant on not allowing their little brother to become a womanizer who left children with every woman around like their father had been, Haruna, Misa and Makie learned a few very lasting lessons on fear rather quickly.

Poor Negi had to wait until he was thirty to lose his virginity. Fortunately, Nodoka was patient...

* * *

**What If you Ever Find Yourself in Haruna's Room?**

**_A Mini-Survival Guide by Ayase Yue._ **

Greetings, dear reader. If you are reading this, you're most likely about to either visit or take up residence in Mahora Academy. And if you're going to do that, odds are you'll visit Haruna's room at some point or another. Now, don't panic yet, or don't get your lecherous hopes up, depending on the kind of person you are. To the best of my rather limited knowledge on the subject, Haruna is still, despite her... mindset, a virgin, and she never has brought anyone to her room with the intention of having intercourse with them.

Still, she _will_ tease you, regardless of your gender, age, legal status, profession, species or familial relation, and several things in that room are harmful enough on their own even without Haruna herself around. So, in the interest of your own safety, I will give you ten quick tips you must keep in mind while there. Relax, they'll be free. I'm not Mana-san.

1\. You may be justified in dreading all reading material you'll find in Haruna's room is the illegal, highly mind bending and toxic variety, but actually, she's an avid reader of everything, and that includes safe, innocuous material. She keeps several classic works of literature near her at any given time, and many of her prized volumes are collector's items of great cultural value. Her rich aunt pampers her that way. As a general rule of thumb, the closer to her bed the reading material is, the more dangerous it's likely to be. Please, no matter what you do, never ever look under her bed.

2\. Ku Fei is Haruna's roommate. Thank God she doesn't reside with us. She keeps her (relative) sanity by spending most of her time out either training or working at the Chao Bao Zi. And by threatening to break Haruna's fingers when she gets too touchy. Since a mangaka's fingers are her life, that technique is a remarkably good way to keep Paru at bay, and you can use it under extreme circumstances. Still, there's a chance you'll meet her while in Haruna's evil lair. If so, she's a nice girl and should pose no threat to your safety as long as you aren't crass or insolent to her. But no matter what, always reject any sparring offer she may throw your way.

3\. If you happen to look through Haruna's video collection, remember, _Caligula_ isn't a historic documentary.

4\. And _Who's Nailin' Sarah Paylin_ (sic) isn't a political documentary. Duh.

5\. You also may run into Yuuki Rito-san, Haruna's boyfriend, while you're there. No, he doesn't go to try anything morally questionable. Most of the time, he only goes to ask for his cousin Nao's underwear back. No, don't ask. Rito-san is a nice, polite young man, and he doesn't deserve your mockery no matter how many times he clumsily slips and falls in your presence. Also, if you're a girl and he trips and falls on you, please don't be too harsh with him, and don't punch him through the ceiling. It just... happens to him. He means no malice with it.

At least, so I hope.

6\. Anything you may find that has a tubular shape and/or vibrates is to be left alone.

7\. The ermine you're likely to find into the underwear drawer belongs to Negi-sensei. Please don't hurt him. That's Chisame-san's job.

8\. You shouldn't take the saucy pictures of Net Idol Chiu Haruna keeps around without her permission. She'll gladly give you copies.

9\. Anything Haruna may tell you about my sex appeal or Nodoka's is a complete and vile lie.

10\. Hurt Haruna or try to take advantage of her in any way, shape or form, and I'll hunt you down and make you regret ever being born. I mean it. Despite all her flaws, she's still my second best friend, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

Except _that thing_ you're thinking about, you pervert.

 _Addendum_ :

11\. Tell Haruna what I told you in the first part of Rule 10, and I'll hurt you even worse.

* * *

**What If Negi was Raised in a Nudist Colony?- by Shadow Crystal Mage**

"And that it why the fashion industry is evil and must be stopped!" Negi said, concluding his lesson.

Everyone in class stared at him.

"Um, sensei, all I asked is if you were all right, Ayaka said. She studiously avoided looking down. She was a proper woman, after all.

"How could I be all right while I wore the chains of oppression!" Negi cried, pointing at the remains of his green suit.

They couldn't help it. They looked down.

Misa, Ayaka and Haruna decided to shelve plans until Negi had been hit with a little growth hormone.

Evangeline realized her Springfield fantasies would be ruined for the next three years until puberty hit. All she could think of were pinky fingers

Makie thought it was cute.

* * *

**What if Negi was Itoshiki's Son?**

"I'm Negi Springfield, son of the Thousand Master! Glad to meet you, Sir!" the black haired boy with glasses holding the old wooden staff bowed formally to him.

Itoshiki Nozomu stared, startled, at the boy, who was an exact lookalike of his nephew Majiru, but in a dark green Western suit. And a miniature version of pretty much every male in the Itoshiki clan.

Classes 2-A and 2-F looked back and forth between the man and the child, with huge eyes and aghast expressions. All but Evangeline, who just stood apart facepalming and muttering, "So much for that escape plan..."

Itoshiki-sensei cringed, twitched in place, and then buried his face in a hand. "I'm in despair," he whispered helplessly, before snapping his head angrily in Takahata's direction. "Why didn't you ever tell me this before?-!"

"I never had noticed the full resemblance, honest..." Takamichi answered, sounding as straight as he could.

Chiri's grip on her spade tightened. "I'd like to hear the story behind this, Sensei..."

He slumped his head down. "Arika Hime-sama was just too much of a kind person, willing to grant any poor young soul at least a glimpse of Paradise..."

Negi blinked. "Ah?"

"It was a cold night as well, and we were lost, Ala Rubra missing somewhere in the infinite battlefields..."

"I beg your pardon?" Negi asked again.

"She saw my sadness and fear, and gave me a comforting hug next to the campfire..."

"Okay, I think I really have things to do elsewhere," Natsumi began to walk away.

* * *

**What If Unequally was a Zombie Apocalypse Story?**

_It started with a flash in the sky, and a ripple through the clouds. The hunger was what brought it here; and feed it did, until the Mahora Academy students, staff and acquaintances were no more. They were replaced by soulless monsters, driven only by an insatiable craving for human flesh_.

 _This is no world of Ala Alba Heroes_.

_This is the world of... Unequally Rational and Emotional Zombies._

So this was how everything ended.

Karakuri Chachamaru stood alone on top of the hill of shattered bones, and for some reason, smiled softly.

The undead tended to ignore small animals, so at least the kittens would be okay.

It had taken her such a long time. But she had done it. Finally.

The last of the undead had been eliminated. There was nothing left to do.

She could rest at last. Not like she could do anything else. Hakase-san was long gone, and it was a wonder Chachamaru had lasted so long without her maintenance. Fortunately, she could wind herself up now, or else she wouldn't have lasted past a week.

How long had it been? Her data banks were all but deleted now. She could only remember caring after the kittens, and between that, killing, killing and killing. At first, she had the small but brave help of a group of Sempais she managed to rescue from the initial outbreak, she seemed to remember. What were their names again? Oh, yes. Komuro-sempai, Saeko-sempai, Hirano-sempai, Rei-sempai and Saya-sempai. And Shizuka-san, the school nurse. There were those Americans who passed by sometimes too, looking for Umbrellas, of all things. They had survived for a considerably long time, despite their lack of powers or superhuman abilities.

They had made Chachamaru proud.

How long had it been since then, again?

Ah. Yes. Forty years. Give or take a few months.

For the first time ever, Chachamaru thought she felt tired.

Her left arm had just fallen off. She had lost the right one thirteen years ago, fighting a zombie Negi-sensei. The day Hirano-sempai died.

She had fought all alone ever since.

And now, the task was done.

She congratulated herself, and relaxed under the warmth of the dying sun in the sunset.

"Negi-sensei," she whispered, closing her eyes and falling asleep one final time.

As the last sentient being on the planet died, the companion she never could noticed closed her eyes as well and kissed her forehead in respectful tribute.

Sayo was alone now, but she was too sad for the friend that never knew her to feel sad for herself

Sayo blinked as a black ring fell out of the sky. Then another. And another. Finally, it began to rain rings. Hello, what's ?

**_Earth...RISE!_ **

* * *

 

**What If the Decadent Ala Alba had Fallen in Unequally Mahora instead of 2814 Ala Alba?**

(Adapted from Darkenning's and Shadow Crystal Mage's works).

All across Mahora, the demiplanes expanded, wrecking the buildings that contained them. Mayhem ensued, the lines of power around the city were altered by the changes to its structure, and a certain barrier, limiting the powers of a certain shinso vampire even further than the Infernus Scholasticus curse did, ceased to do so.

But there was one demiplane not hidden by the Mahora mage order. A great dark tower that exploded forth from the grounds of the academy, rearing up to challenge the World Tree itself, announcing that a new power had come into the world.

...

"What the heck was that?" almost everyone in Negi's room chorused.

Negi didn't say it, but he was clearly thinking it as he froze in place and spewed out his climax into Nekane's vulva.. Nekane didn't say it either; whatever she might have thought was known only to her as she lay on her back, staring up at absolutely nothing.

"Guys, I think we might have a situation, here, Yuna said as she looked out the window. "Maybe we should—"

She couldn't even finish the sentence. Out of nowhere, a new, very powerful, blast of some unknown energy hit the whole room, and Yuna felt the something piercing through her mind like a knife and knocking her into quick unconsciousness, a rainbow of colors burned into her eyes before darkness descended...

...

In a quiet little part of the woods surrounding Mahora, a teenage boy and a very busty girl suddenly appeared out of thin air, having just embarked on a Light Novel-spanning misadventure involving time-travel, multiple versions of himself who'd jumped to where he'd jumped, multiple versions of the girl to help with said jumping, a talking cat, and a copy of a girl's love manga that had to be prevented from falling in the wrong hands, or it would have led to look, stuff happened, it's not important.

These two now walking away in their own little brand of sexual tension are completely unimportant to the things that are to come, except for one little thing that they helpfully provide, which is a decent transition point. Seriously, those things are worth gold.

Were this a more visual medium, we'd have a montage of the sun and moon chasing each other across the sky as clouds moved like steam and the trees shuddered like jackhammers, or maybe pages falling off a calendar to indicate the passage of time. As it is, the best we can say is that time passed.

At the point where the boy and the girl had emerged several days and a few lines ago, rainbow light began to sparkle.

Suddenly, the rainbow effect burst outwards, creating a bright, shimmering sphere of energy, and there was a sudden explosive rush of air as a crapton of sucked-in gas was violently released outward. A couple of nearby threes actually cracked and were thrown back at the sudden blast, while countless others bent and swayed away, some having their positions permanently shifted as branches broke, their snapping like an impromptu fireworks display. Tons of random paper towels, discarded clothes, at least three futons and several blankets, much of Negi's magical trinkets, a kotatsu table, a TV, and a few assorted sex toys came flying out through the gale before a screaming naked boy and his naked companions (an Ostian Princess, a gunslinger, a rich heiress, a half asleep scientific genius, a stunned blond young woman, a ninja, a bodyguard holding an Oujo, a hacker and a mercenary) where flung from the portal.

...

Meanwhile, back with Nutmeg-chan, her nice quiet day had just gone down the crapper.

"Unknown magical outburst still rising!" her fellow bridge bunny Yoriko said.

"Temperature dropping rapidly!" her other fellow bridge bunny Nene said

"Magical signature identified!" Nutmeg cried as the complicated spell-grams and electron-spirits finished processing through the memory banks. "We have a match! Nearly perfect corroboration with–" She looked at the name and choked, her eyes bulging.

"Megumi-kun?" Seruhiko, their superior that day, said. "What is it?"

Nutmeg continued to choke, her eyes bulging as the older man began to walk towards her.

"We have visual!" Nene announced. "Bringing it up now!"

Then all of them stood aghast.

"Oh, shit, Seruhiko finally said.

"I want a leave for the rest of the day," Yoriko asked.

"I don't know why, but suddenly, somehow, I'm feeling very happy I'm an only child, Nene said.

Nutmeg blinked. "Negi-sensei's smaller than I'd have expected..."

Everyone else in the room looked at her.

For once, the shy girl only snorted. "As if you weren't thinking the same thing."

* * *

**What If Lex Luthor Supported Mahora Academy?**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

 _"Aliens with freakish powers who fly around in their underwear are generally bad"_ , he read aloud in English. A few blinks. "I don't think this is quite fitting for a starting lesson in the language..."

Asuna pointed an accusing finger at him. "ALIEN SUPPORTER! ALIEN SUPPORTER! BETRAYER TO THE HUMAN RACE!"

**What If J. Jonah Jameson Supported Mahora Academy?**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

 _"Are masked outlaw freaks with sinister spider powers heroes or menaces?"_ , he read aloud in English. A few blinks. "I don't think this is quite fitting for a starting lesson in the language..."

Asuna pointed an accusing finger at him. "CRIMINAL SYMPATHIZER! CRIMINAL SYMPATHIZER! YOU ARE UNFIT TO TEACH IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNGSTERS!"

**What If The Lifemaker Supported Mahora Academy?**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

 _"Nagi Springfield, nefarious leader of the evil and cruel Ala Rubra gang, was a murderous, merciless and also stupid bandit and genocidal monster who married a tyrannical slut named—"_ , he read aloud in English. A few blinks, and his face grew freakishly pale. "I don't think this is quite fitting for a starting lesson in the language...!"

Asuna pointed an accusing finger at him and began to open her mouth to yell at him, but Ayaka knocked her out from behind. As she and the rest of the class began to sing _La Resistance_ in support to him, Negi felt moved, but then paused and said, "You know, 'Blame Cosmo Entelecheia' somehow doesn't have quite the same ring to it as 'Blame Canada...'"

**_What If Stephenie Meyer Supported Mahora Academy?-_ ** **by Shadow Crystal Mage**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

 _"Twili–"_ Abruptly, he realized what he was about to read, screamed as if his fingers had caught fire and threw the book out the window. The class cheered.

"Ahem, " he said, composing himself and drawing out another book. " Class, due to catastrophic accident, we will be discussing instead these more sane, family friendly pieces. By tomorrow, please have a copy of the Necronomicron, Cupcakes, Agony In Pink, My Immortal and Decadent Habits…"

**_What If Darkenning Supported Mahora Academy?-_ ** **by Shadow Crystal Mage**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

 _" "There's something I have to ask you, " XXXX said hesitantly. He was well aware that that was starting this conversation off in what had to be one of the worst of all possible ways…"_ he read aloud in English. A few blinks. "I don't think this is quite fitting for a starting lesson in the language..."

"LISTEN TO THE MAN!" Asuna cried, pointing at Negi desperately.

"Hush, you," Haruna said, grinning.

**_What If OverMaster Supported Mahora Academy?_ ** \-  **by Shadow Crystal Mage**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

 _"You can go in without any fear, Hasegawa-san. There's nothing wrong in there…"_ he read aloud in English. A few blinks. "I don't think this is quite fitting for a starting lesson in the language... It feels vaguely incestous…"

Everyone in class turned to looked at Kageyama Yamiko.

"What?" the writer said. " _I_ didn't write it…"

**_What If Shadow Crystal Mage Supported Mahora Academy?-_ ** **by Shadow Crystal Mage**

Negi frowned as he looked at the first English lesson he was supposed to give.

"Um, does anyone know what's so important about the number 2814?" he asked.

**_What If Ala Iridia Supported Mahora Academy?_ ** \-  **by Shadow Crystal Mage**

The whole school was shut down due to rampant public indecency, corruption of minors, more incest than happens in Germany in a year, pony bestiality, and harboring wanted fugitives. Negi instead got a job somewhere called Ohtori…

**What If The Joker supported Mahora Academy?**

Negi looked at his class and blinked. "Why... Why are you all wearing clown makeup?"

Shizuna rasped uneasily. "Well, all these girls are the adoptive daughters of one of our most influential financial backers, one Mr. Joseph Kerr from America. And their family... tends to favor that look."

"Ah," Negi said, blandly.

Classes followed a more or less normal course after that, other than that frequent tendency of Bat-costumed vigilantes to drop into the classroom at random times to have major fight scenes with the girls.

* * *

**What If You Were Too Slow, and You Need to Come On and Step It Up?- by Cygnus**

"Misora-san, please stop messing with the titles, Negi insisted.

"But come on, nobody plays Sonic in Japan!" Misora countered. "How did you catch that?"

"Of course I could catch that," Negi countered. "I'm European."

* * *

**What If Chisame and Hakase were Dead?**

Negi began banging on the door. "Aisaka-san! Please, Aisaka-san, help me!"

His long haired, black haired, next door neighbor and student peeked out rubbing her eyes, full of cobwebs. Her feet were bare, and she was wearing a long light blue night dress.

"Oh? Oh, Negi-sensei!" she noticed. "Welcome! How can I help you?"

"There are two girls in my room!" the boy cried.

Sayo sighed. "You men shouldn't complain about things like that..." _Darn it, I'm going to die a virgin!_

"I think they're ghosts!" Negi shivered.

Aisaka Sayo blinked in shock. "Aren't you supposed to be a wizard? Why would you be afraid of some ghosts?"

Very recently, after having her clothes sneezed off and then being saved from a surely fatal fall by her new teacher, Sayo had learned he was an actual magic user. Being a kind, gentle girl, she had taken it in stride, thanked him profusely, and didn't even mind too much when he sneezed her clothes off again. At least she was getting naked with a boy _somehow_.

"W-We all have our weaknesses!" the child cried. "And I haven't undergone enough Character Development yet!"

Sayo hummed. "Well, if it's the room next door, those must be Chisame-chan and Satomi-chan."

Negi gasped. "You know those ghosts?-!"

"I have a sensitivity towards spirits. I should've guessed you'd have it too, being a mage. Actually, there are thirty ghosts in my class; they're the spirits of a whole classroom who died during the American bombardments of World War II. Don't mind them too much: they're harmless, although Eva-chan loves to brag and boast about how evil and powerful she was..."

"They are from the Forties?" Negi asked. "B-But one of them grabbed the laptop my sister gave me and began using it!"

"Chisame-chan has grown fond of computers over the decades," Sayo explained.

"And the other one said she could update it to a robot!"

"Satomi-chan is a genius with decades of expertise. That's no surprise."

Negi sobbed. "Can... Can I sleep with you... Only tonight, please? I-I don't know if I— if I—"

Sayo exhaled and gestured into her apartment. "You're welcome." _Yes, yes, YES!_

"Oh, thank you so very much... GAH!-!-!"

"Ah, that's Kazumi-chan. Don't be afraid, she won't hurt you..."

"Wh-Wh-Why isn't she wearing any clothes?-!"

"That's something concerning only us older girls, Sensei..."

* * *

**What If Unequally ran Merrie Melodies?**

(Yes, this musical number has been adapted from _The Looney Tunes Show_ , thanks for asking).

(Scene opens in an alien disco, with Chao dancing in the foreground, with Uatu the Watcher, Zarbon, Dodoria, Lala Satalin Deviluke, Aisha Clan Clan, G'Nort and Despero dancing in the background).

 _Every time you see me, you Earthlings turn and run_.

 _I don't know what your problem is_.

_I'm really super fun._

(Cut to Dynamis working as the party's DJ, while a stonefaced Homura, Koyomi, Tamaki, Shirabe and Shiori serve as go-go dancers behind Chao).

_I'm a Martian!_

_Chisame, spare me your snark._

(Cut to Chisame watching the video on her laptop and closing it angrily).

_I'm a Martian!_

_Eat my dust, Tony Stark._

(Tony Stark is working inside a cave with a box of scraps. Suddenly, the cave blows up. A stoic Chachamaru stands besides the explosion holding a detonator).

_Come over to my party_

(Negi walks over to a Gateport under a huge sign reading 'TO MARS', happily).

_It's not that long a quest._

(Tertium appears out of nowhere and rams his big stone spear into Negi from behind. No, not **_THAT_** WAY!).

_You'll be glad you made the journey_

_for my Mahorafest._

_I like sharing Nikkuman._

_You see, I'm not so bad._

(Satsuki and Ku Fei eating Nikkuman, then giving a thumbs up for the camera).

_Do you like little ermines?_

(Chao holds an ermine for the camera).

_I make them in my lab._

(Pan out, and we see several mages being turned into ermines behind Chao).

_I'm a Martian!_

_You better pay your dinner's bill._

**_A Martian!_ **

_Or you're getting a chill pill._

(Eva sits cross legged eating Nikkuman aloofly. Behind her, Cosmo Entelecheia is trapped in a giant block of ice).

_My name's Chao, I'm a Martian!_

(Chao points up triumphantly, the camera zooming under her skirt giving a literally glowing Panty Shot).

_La-la-la-la-le-la-la-lee-lee-lo_

_Let's share a Nikkuman._

(Chao holds a Nikkuman for the camera).

_And talk about our feelings._

(Several red hearts flutter around with little Negis in diapers with angel wings flying between them).

_But don't dare to foil my plan._

_'Cause then I'll hit the ceilings._

(Chao's eyes glow red).

_I've got a Catellite!_

(Chachamaru holds a cat shaped gun while the Catellite hovers over her).

_And it's pointed at your planet._

(Shot of Earth).

_It's my Catellite!_

_So don't take me for granted._

_I'm a Martian!_

_Boom-shaka-laka_

_I'm a Martian!_

_Shaka-laka...boom._

(Earth explodes).

**GAME OVER**

Evangeline (holding a controller, staring blankly at the screen): "... This Space Invaders remake really sucks. I'm glad it's just a rental..."

Chachamaru (dutifully): "More iced tea, Master?"

* * *

**What If Negi had Never Lost his Parents?**

Chisame looked up at the ceiling and sighed. She was half asleep at that point, but the loud creaking of the bunk below still was enough to keep her stubbornly awake.

"Are you two going to keep that going all night long again?" she droned, keeping her hands firmly grasped over the blissfully sleeping Negi's ears.

Twin grunts coming from below were her only answer.

"I mean, I can accept your son had to follow what that diploma told him to do," Chisame muttered, trying to ignore how Hakase, the former owner of the lower bunk, snuggled against her from Negi's opposite side. "And I understand you two, being responsible parents, wouldn't let him come alone, especially after what happened to your village. But—"

"Ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah ah!" Arika's voice began a frantic stacatto.

"All I'm saying is, the Dean should have gotten you a small house of your own or something. Itoshiki-sensei has one, and he lives alone. So does Akashi's dad..." Chisame went on.

Nagi let out a low long moan that made Chisame cringe.

Then, there was only silence after a few tender 'I love you's. And Chisame breathed easy once more. "Finally..."

Her eyes wandered to the window, and she grimaced again.

Both Matoi and Evangeline were looking into the room intently. Yet again.

If it had been only Tsunetsuki, she'd have closed the curtains on her face, but Eva...

 _Jiiiiiiiiiiiii..._ sounded Matoi's stare.

 ** _Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..._** sounded Evangeline's stare, a lot darker and fiercer.

Chisame whimpered helplessly and somehow managed to sleep for a few hours.

* * *

**What If Unequally was an Over Master Self Insert Fanfic?**

It would suck. And let's never talk about that again.

* * *

**What If Unequally Akashi-Sensei was a Complete Bastard?**

Negi blinked, looked at the smiling dark-haired student holding the baby in her arms, then looked at the class roster again.

Takamichi had written under Akashi Yuuna's name _Allowed to bring her baby son to classes. Please never ask about her father._

Without even suspecting why, Negi felt compelled to cringe...

**What If Unequally Saotome Ranma was a Complete Bastard?**

Negi blinked, looked at the smiling black-haired student with glasses holding the baby in her arms, then looked at the class roster again.

Takamichi had written under Saotome Haruna's name _Allowed to bring her baby son to classes. Please never ask about her father._

Without even suspecting why, Negi felt compelled to cringe...

**What If Unequally Konoe Eishun was a Complete Bastard?**

Negi blinked, looked at the smiling black-haired student with large innocent eyes holding the baby in her arms, then looked at the class roster again.

Takamichi had written under Konoe Konoka's name _Allowed to bring her baby son to classes. Please never ask about her father._

Without even suspecting why, Negi felt compelled to cringe...

The next day, one Chizunu Masuto, aka Over Master, was found dead with heavy sword wounds all over his body. They could never prove Setsuna was guilty...

**What If Unequally Kaname Madoka was a Complete Bitch?**

Negi blinked, looked at the smiling pink-haired student holding the baby in her arms, then looked at the class roster again.

Takamichi had written under Sasaki Makie's name _Allowed to bring her baby son to classes. Please never ask about her mother._

Without even suspecting why, Negi felt compelled to cringe–

Then he blinked again. "Wait, how would that even work?"

Random cut to Kyubey's face. _Well, it was HER wish..._

**What If Unequally Konoe Konoemon was a Complete Bastard?- by Darkenning**

Negi blinked, looked at the smiling black-haired student with large innocent eyes holding the baby in her arms, then looked at the class roster again.

Takamichi had written under Konoe Konoka's name _Allowed to bring her baby son to classes. Please never ask about his father. Please please never ask. I am drunk while writing this, but not drunk enough._

Without even suspecting why, Negi felt compelled to cringe...

**What If Unequally Aizen was a Complete Bastard?- by Shadow Crystal Mage**

The Bleach subplots continued as normal.

All as Planned...

**What If Unequally Celestia was a Complete Bitch?- by Shadow Crystal Mage**

The Ariadne teacher blinked, looked at the smiling purple unicorn with large innocent eyes with the foal next to her, then looked at the class roster again.

Under Twilight Sparkle's name was _Allowed to bring her foal to classes by royal decree._

Because _everyone_ knows unicorn horns release magic unicorn mayonnaise...

**What If Unequally Takahata was a Complete Bastard?**

Negi blinked, looked at the smiling students who stared with dreamy eyes at him. All of them were holding babies in their arms. Only the girl named Evangeline and the girl named Chachamaru were carrying no infants. The young teacher looked at Evangeline, as if making a silent question to her, but the tiny blonde only smirked evilly and shrugged her shoulders.

Then Negi eyed at the class roster again.

Dean Konoemon had written at the bottom of the two-page portrait spread _3-A is allowed to bring their baby children to classes. Please never ask about their fathers. If you're asked about Takahata's current whereabouts, simply tell them we still haven't been able to locate him._

Without even suspecting why, Negi had a feeling he'd never see Takamichi again...

In his office, Dean Konoe hummed softly, writing letters and grading special papers all day long.

A tall man's body slowly rotted down six feet deep under his chair...

* * *

**What If Shiori had been Asuna?**

"Say that again," a still-incredulous, wide-eyed Misa asked.

Negi sighed and repeated his words. "This girl, he pointed at the shy looking young woman sitting on the edge of Hakase's bunk, looking downcast and horribly embarrassed, "is named Shiori, although her actual birth name was Luna. This whole year, starting a few months before I began teaching you, she has been replacing Asuna-san, using her magical skills to pose as her."

A horrified Misa and Misora gasped aloud. Even Cocone swallowed hard, in silence.

"H-How did you learn that?" Misora asked.

"Today, we were attacked in the woods by an 'Orphan', Negi explained. Chisame-san, Kuga-san here and I couldn't defeat it alone, so Chamo urged me to make a Pactio with Asuna-san. However, as soon as we did it, I got this card instead of Asuna-san's."

He held up a Pactio card with Shiori's picture on it. More gasps followed.

"Where's the real Asuna-san?" Cocone questioned.

"It seems she has been kidnapped and taken away to Mundus Magicus, the world of mages, where she's being held captive in preparation for a world destroying ritual scheduled to happen in a few months. This girl had conditioned herself to believe she was the actual Asuna, so even if her mind was read, no one would learn the truth. But it seems the kiss broke her self-hypnosis. Now she says she wants to help us, but I don't believe her," Kuga Natsuki said, never mind the fact Shiori was right next to her.

"I really want to do it..." Luna whispered sadly.

Natsuki huffed and addressed Chao specifically. "Now you see why I called you here! Even your plan is less important than this!"

Chao nodded slowly. "Yes. If Cosmo Entelecheia wins, all my efforts will be for naught."

"What do you mean?" a confused Misa asked.

Hakase adjusted her glasses. "Ah. So the Mahorafest project is cancelled?"

"For now, at least!" Chao stood up and clenched a fist, smiling. "Right now, our main goal must be to go to Mundus Magicus... and rescue Asuna from her Fate, ne?-!"

Chisame winced. "For some reason, I have a horrible feeling we just aren't ready yet..."

* * *

**What If Chisame was in a Wheelchair?**

"Negi-sensei, these are going to be your roommates until we can find you a place of your own, Shizuna said. "Hasegawa Chisame-san, Hakase Satomi-san, Signum-san, Vita-san and Shamal-san."

"Ahem," the little girl with red hair patted their huge dog's head as if to make a point.

"Oh, I'm sorry. And Zafira-san," Shizuna amended quickly.

Negi blinked, silently wondered how they all would fit into such a small apartment, and ended up bowing respectfully. "Pleased to meet you all..."

Chisame groaned. Great, another weirdo being stuffed into her life. At least this one didn't seem to be magical...

Negi's first Pactio was with a Book. Don't ask.

* * *

**What If the Orphan hadn't shown up in Chapter Twelve?**

Negi came back from the woods with a small satisfied smile. Ahhhh, now he felt relieved. He briefly checked his clothes to see if they were dry now, but much to his frustration, they were still damp.

Mana gestured for him to re-take his position on Shiho's lap. "Come closer, Sensei. You'll freeze to death there."

Still uncomfortable, Negi obeyed, sitting between the legs of the smaller, red haired Miko. The dozed girl made tiny contented sounds as her arms wrapped themselves around him from behind. "Nii-chan..."

Negi sighed and tried to fall asleep again, but then Shiho's soft, restless hands moved lower. He bit his lower lip, restraining a muffled scream.

"Nii-chan, Shiho wants to mmmmake you happy..." the apprentice's hands squeezed tighter. Negi made an agonized sound and shivered madly.

Mana looked down, lifting an eyebrow aloofly. "Oh? Why, Sensei... It can already _grow_...?"

Very early the next morning, Negi sprang up to his feet, gulping as he saw the three weary figures marching through the forest. "H-H-Hasegawa-san! Hakase-san! Kasuga-san!" he called. "Are you okay?"

Chisame looked up with wide eyes. "Sensei! Thank God you're..." her voice died down, her jaw falling.

A befuddled Satomi finished for her, "... Cuddling up naked with Tatsumiya-san and... who are you, exactly?"

Shiho only gurgled happy sounds incoherently.

Misora started to try and rip her own eyes out.

Mana yawned. "You spent the whole night looking for this little runaway under the rain, didn't you? Men. I don't know why we put up with them... Wait, now I remember, never mind. Wait there and take those wet things off or you'll die from cold. Shiho and I will make a hot coffee for you, and then we can take a good hot bath..."

She wasn't charging them anything, Hakase noticed. She had to be in an unusually good mood...

Three days later:

"And so, I decided you were right after all, Onii-chan," Shiho smiled cutely, blushing and dragging a foot before Tate. "We're better off as simple childhood friends!"

The tall boy blinked, surprised, before smiling and nodding. "Glad to see you finally understand, Shiho. What changed your mind after all this time?"

Shiho rasped roughly, blushing and looking down. Then she excused herself and ran back to where Mana, her new kid teacher, and three classmates of hers were waiting for her.

As they walked off, Tate scratched his head and wondered what had all that been about.

Then he shrugged it off and went his own way, whistling to himself.

* * *

**What If Haruna, Nodoka and Yue were Sisters?**

"Sensei, this is our father, Saotome Ranma," Haruna announced.

"This is my mother, Tendo Kasumi," Nodoka added. Well, she was well behaved, kind, sweet and polite, just like Nodoka-san. And Nodoka-san had, it seemed, taken her name from her late grandmother. All of that made sense.

"This is my mother, Tendo Nabiki," Haruna continued. Well, she was smart, sharp tongued, a bit scary and very take charge, just like Haruna-san. That made full sense, too, Negi told himself again.

"And this is my mother, Tendo Akane, Yue finished. Well, the similarities weren't that evident there, but Akane-san was mostly selfless, very determined, a bit on the Deadpan Snarker side, and rather... modest sized, just like Yue-san. It made sense, as well.

And yet, Negi couldn't help thinking something felt a tad off about everything.

For once in an Over Master snippet, despite Haruna being involved, and despite all the canon Les Yay between Nodoka and Yue, the three sisters never committed incest even once in their lives.

The reviews were harsh. "He's losing his touch."

* * *

**What If Unequally Batman was Superman?**

_Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single leap!_

_Yes, he's (the) Batman! The last survivor of doomed planet Krypton, baby Kal-El was found by Gotham City millionaires Thomas and Martha Wayne, who named him Bruce and raised him lovingly until a thief fatally shot them when Bruce was only eight years old! After vowing to avenge his parents' murder, and then discovering his amazing superhuman powers upon puberty, Bruce took the never ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the This-is-my-city-stay-out-of-it Way, as (the) Batman!_

**Lesson 31: The Naked Spy**

But before he could reach the corridor, she pulled another charm out. "Charm-san, Charm-san! Hold my enemy for me!"

With that, the paper pieces formed a few invisible strings in the air, wrapping themselves at amazing speed around the ankles and wrists of the caped man, twisting around with Killer Croc-esque strength, making him drop the girl onto the floor, where she stirred and blinked before falling asleep again.

"Oh, ho ho ho!" the woman laughed, picking Konoka back up into her arms. "Then you are nothing but a human with fancy weapons, after all! What a disappointment! You're nothing to even the lowest of mag—"

Then he cut her in mid-sentence, lobotomizing her with a precise shot of heat vision to the brain.

Unfortunately for Chigusa, years of living in the kinda crapsacky, all too insane world of _Unequally_ had turned (the) Batman into Justice Lord Superman... I mean, Batman.

With a touch of Superdickery as well, so he shortly after married her to her own monkeys. Then he crowned himself Bat-Pope and ruled over Kyoto.

Now that you have read this, you are under the control of the Bat-Anti-life Equation. All hail the Bat-Pope of the Bat-God! BATS FOR THE BAT-GOD!

* * *

**What If the Baka Rangers were Five Different People?**

_Cue Heroic Fanfare._

_We may be out of continuity,_

_But we won't show fragility._

_We may be nothing but a joke segment._

_But our butt kicking is simply excellent._

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! Struggling hard with homework!_

_Don't ever blame us, the writer is a dork!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! Chiu and the Prof took over the plot!_

_But who cares? We got a giant robot!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! No matter who loses or wins_

_At least we're not the Narutaki twins!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! PUTTING ALL EVILDOERS TO REST!_

_GO! GO! BAKA RANGERS! SAVING THE WORLD, BUT FAILING THE TEST!_

"Always ready to fight! For the Saotome School and the Spring of Drowned Man! Baka Red!" Saotome Ranma jumped in and posed heroically, clad in form fitting red tights.

"To punish all perverts! Mommy Loving Bad Girl Supreme! Baka Black!" Yuuki Nao jumped in and posed heroically, clad in form fitting black tights. Then her cellphone rang and she stood aside, answering the call quickly.

"I'll burst your teeth off! For the love of the adorable Tenma-chaaaaaan! Baka Blue!" Harima Kenji jumped in and posed heroically while crying thick streams of Manly Tears, clad in form fitting blue tights.

"All day and night long, waiting for immigration papers! Never wearing underwear! Baka _Amarilla_!" Seikutsu 'Maria' Taro jumped in and posed heroically, clad in form fitting yellow tights. Unlike all her teammates, she wasn't wearing boots, keeping her feet bare.

Kasuga 'Osaka' Ayumu smiled dumbly, clad in form fitting, so not very flattering, pink tights. She was looking at a few flies that flew around, following their capricious flight with the utmost attention.

Bakas Red, Blue and Yellow all rasped loudly. Baka Black was still too entranced by her call.

Osaka only turned her gaze to her teammates after a long while. "Yes?" she asked.

"You aren't even posing!" Ranma told her.

"Ah! Is it time already? You should have told me, I haven't even dressed for—" she looked down at herself. "Oh, yes, I did. I forgot. Ah, ah..." She posed copying a Sailor Moon pose. "I'll exterminate evil! Flying with Chiyo's pigtails! Baka Pi—"

The segment finished all of a sudden, its scheduled weekly time over.

**To Be Or Not to Be Continued...**

Makie's voice (coming from offscreen): Ah! So it doesn't only happen to me!

* * *

**What If Unequally Sailor Mercury was Mizuno Ami?**

**_Sailor V Says!_ **

"Hello, I'm Sailor Venus, also known as Sailor V!"

"And I'm Sailor Mercury, also known as Mizuno Ami!"

"Akira, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't reveal your real name to the audience!"

"But Minako-chan, I'm Ami!"

"Oh! Oh, that's right. Sorry, I spoke out of habit. We're doing the 'What If Ami-chan were Sailor Mercury?' bit. Sorry, it's hard to say at times since this is a written medium and these segments have no descriptions..."

"Don't worry, I understand. It's strange, don't you think? To think _I_ could ever be a Sailor Senshi..."

"Definitely. It wouldn't leave you any time to study..."

"Yes, I don't think I could do it..."

"Ha ha ha ha, no, not ever...!"

"The world would have to be crazy!"

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"Do you think we've done enough Lampshade Hanging already?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Good! Then, our moral for this chapter is 'No matter how impossible or ludicrous it may seem, it can happen if you try hard enough'! And if you leave Shadow Crystal Mage-sama enough time to write."

"That's a very good moral, Minako-chan!"

"I don't know any Minako. I'm Sailor Venus."

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, I guess that's another reason why I couldn't ever be a Sailor Senshi."

"I thought we had agreed to cut on the Lampshade Hanging, Ami."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that as well. By the way, if I'm Sailor Mercury for this chapter, where does that leave Akira-chan?"

"I think she's a mermaid or something."

"A mermaid?"

"Yeah. A soulless dweller of the depths, dragging men into their deaths by drowning with her alluring songs."

"Oh my God, that's horrible!"

"But she only does that Mondays to Fridays. Weekends, she just goes to the karaoke and picks boys up. Well, basically, it's the same thing, but... on land."

"I'm suddenly very happy I normally have a reduced role..."

"Yeah, maybe that should be the real moral for this whole thing..."

"Be happy with what you have?"

"No. The less work you have to do, the better!"

"... Thank God no actual children ever watch this show."

"Fanfic, Mercury-chan! Fanfic!"

* * *

**What If Negi and Mana had a Child?**

**_From the Files of Uatu the Watcher, Cosmic Overviewer of the Secrets of the Universe and He who Watches You All in The Shower Every Day, and You Can't do Anything About It_ **

**Full Name** : Tatsumiya Rally Springfield.

 **Known Aliases** : Thousand Bullets, The Gunsmith Kunoichi, The Busty Loli Typhoon.

 **Alignment** : Lawful Neutral.

 **Religion** : Shinto.

 **Sexuality** : Actually, still too young to know or care.

 **Family** : Negi Springfield (Father), Tatsumiya Mana (Mother), Nagi Springfield (Paternal Grandfather), Arika Anarchia Entheofushia of Vespertatia (Paternal Grandmother), Nekane Springfield (Paternal Aunt in the Second Degree), Jack Rakan (Maternal Grandfather- Unknown if this relation holds in the current universe), Tatsumiya Midori (Maternal Cousin).

 **Affiliations** : None at all. She prefers working alone.

 **Background** : During a particularly decadent 'strategy meeting' of Ala Alba to deal with the return of the murderous Alladia of Vespertatia, young Rally was conceived in a literally ground shaking coupling between prodigy mage Negi and expert mercenary Mana. Although her parents never married, the child was raised by both of them in an environment of love and care, although always filled with danger and outside threats.

Due to the circumstances, Rally was raised by her mother to become an expert gunslinger, although apparently she lacks the fine magical control of her father. She can perform a few basic spells if forced to, but her magical coordination and skill are rather on the poor side. However, secretly, the longtime friendly rival of her mother, Nagase Kaede, also trained her in the ways of Ninjutsu.

After her father vanished mysteriously when she was six, Rally's mother made several searches for him through the ensuing four years, until she disappeared herself. One year later, a strange woman approached Rally, telling her that, if she wanted to prevent her parents' death, she would need to travel to the past and eliminate a person in particular. The identity of such target is still unknown.

The stranger gave Rally a Cassiopeia watch virtually identical to those used by Chao Lingshen. With it, Rally set out to travel to what she believed to be the past. However, with the disappearance of her original timeline after several temporal jumps of Chao Lingshen herself and others, Rally is actually stuck mid-way into a temporal path to the current universe. Ironically, only time itself will decree if she actually can make it here.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Rally is an expert user of all sorts of firearms, from small handguns to sniper rifles. She is an extremely accurate sharpshooter, both fast and skilled. Her signature weapon is a backpack-mounted mini-gun, illegal in 156 nations of Earth, and a present from her mother and her aunt Hakase. Her dual demonic heritage (half demon mother, Magia Erebea infused father) has lent her massive strength and stamina, allowing her to heal most wounds quickly, and to carry weaponry almost twice as big as herself.

Unlike her mother and cousin Midori, Rally has virtually no spiritual sensitivity, but she is well aware of all branches of the supernatural world known by mankind in her time. She is a good student and a quick thinker in battle.

Nagase's training has given her a fairly high range of ninja techniques and related knowledge, and although she favors long distance throwing weapons to direct melee, she is still fairly adept on the latter.

* * *

 **NEXT CHAPTER:** The Kyoto Arc continues.

Be good.

 


	38. Lesson 32: The Scoop Chase

* * *

_Who is Who in the disguised Ala Alba:_   


Asuna= Kanda Akemi

Chisame= Shimura Yumi

Haruna= Ishige Sawa

….

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

by OverMaster

Lesson 32: "The Scoop Chase" or "Much Ado About Konoka"

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. Woe is me!

 _Ah my Goddess!_ and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing and slight amounts of cake. SOME PARTS WILL BE IN THE TRADITIONAL SPEAKING VOICE OF CANTERLOT!

**Recap!**

_Dan da da dandan da dan!_

**_Previously, On Unequally Rational and Emotional:_ **

Kuro: When we last left our heroes, Ala Alba had been divided by the new legislation passed by Queen Arika requiring all superheroes to be officially registered with the government!

Arika: I had? I thought I was dead.

Lina Inverse: So did I. I went through character development because of you…

Misora: Hey, how come you rate your last name being shown?-!

Kuro: Unable to agree whether to follow the law or not, our heroes are plunged into Civil War! The North and the South battle for dominance, and Abraham Lincoln is nearly murdered by the steampunk cyborg John Wilkes Chachamaru, only to be saved by the timely intervention of Batman!

Batman: Don't drag me into this…

Kuro: Using his vampire-slaying skills, Lincoln was able to take down the Cyborg, only to be savagely killed by all the readers who just realized LINCOLN KILLED CHACHAMARU, THE BASTARD!

Senou Kaede: OUR RAGE SHALL NOT BE DENIED!

Chisame: Okay, now this is just fucking nuts.

Calculator: now you know how we ALL feel ALL THE TIME!

Kuro: Meanwhile, Asuna makes a deal with a devil, sacrificing her marriage, history, and unborn child with Mary Jane to save Harry Dresden from a mere gunshot wound, never mind there are dozens of ways to fix that, she has at least 3 gods who owe her a favor, an X-man she teamed up with a free issues ago EXPLICITLY has HEAL ANYTHING as his power, and has Konoe "can heal anything short of chunky salsa" Konoka as a roommate, and was actually in the room while she was making the deal, repeatedly hitting her on the head with a bat to get her attention.

Quesada: no one is ever going to let that go, are they?

THE WHOLE WORLD: **_NO, YOU STUPID BASTARD!_**

Superboy-Prime: I'll kill you to death until you die from it!

Calculator: Cut out the author tract and get on with it'

Monty Python: get on with it!

Kuro: All right, all right… now, our heroes must rescue the kidnapped princess in a death-defying, budget-breaking fight scene as the Rakanator 3000 fights the Batserker Beyond! Find out what happens next on… UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL!

**Prologue: The Way We Used to Be**

**_Ten Years Ago_ **

The white haired toddler slept peacefully in her tiny bed as her mother wrote. The dusk fell quietly over Fuyuki City outside, in a way that promised nothing but pleasant moments and comforting relaxation.

_Dear Ilyasviel_

_If you're reading this, then I'll have left you long ago. My family probably won't want you to read this, but I have given Sayoko-san precise instructions to keep this letter safe from them in the possible event of my disappearance._

She had known Shinozaki Sayoko for a relatively short while, but she was the only servant she felt like trusting now, after everything. Other than Saber, who wouldn't remain with them much longer, one way or another. She only hoped her instincts about her weren't wrong.

_If you are reading this, odds are your father will have been taken away from you as well. But you'll never be alone, my dear child. I can guarantee, wherever you go, there always will be someone for you. Maybe it won't always seem that way, but as long as you keep on advancing, you'll always find a hand to pick you up along the road._

The young albino woman sighed to herself. She tapped on the paper with her pen a few times, trying to find the right words for the next part. Finally, she resumed writing.

_A few years ago, I found such hands. Back when your father and I seemed to have lost it all, from my family's support to your father's drive to live. Your father is a man of very high ideals, but the higher those ideals are, the worse it feels when you fall from them. Then we were approached by a young couple looking for refuge from Mundus Magicus._

_Nagi Springfield and his comrades had just stopped the deadly crisis near the Antarctic that mages believe to be an attempt by Heaven to eradicate mankind from the planet. However, he and his new wife were still on the run from the authorities that had branded her a criminal. She was believed dead by most people, but her secret had been found out by those who had ordered her execution three years prior. And he was a public hero, but heroes can be felled and tarnished as well, very quickly, by those in power. Like your father had learned._

_Nagi and his wife were, other than your father, the most wonderful people I ever met. Just being around them gave you renewed desire to live, to fight, to prosper. While they took refuge in our home, your father recovered his old spirit, his will to battle for the world he used to believe in. He wanted to be a hero, and now he had met true heroes, the kind he only had dreamed about before. They both were larger than life, and yet, they were as human as us. That's what made them truly great._

She paused again, considering if she really should write the next part down. After a long silent pondering, she coughed and got back to writing.

_I have just hesitated in writing this, but you have the right to know this, despite what my family may believe, Ilyasviel. Your father and me could never have children. We used to believe it was because of my… condition._

_I hope you're mature enough by the time you read this. If you aren't yet, please hand this letter over to Sayoko right now and wait to reach the proper age. Please don't disappoint your mother._

She bit her lower lip, remembering all the nights of closeness, of friendship leading to thicker, gentler but eventually more painful links. She remembered her own surprise when the Princess had told her about the cult she once served for, when she was young and naive. The four of them had become all but one quickly, complementing each other in their own disparate ways. They often drove each other crazy, and those were the happy days, back when everything seemed possible and no plan for the future seemed too unlikely.

The Princess' dry realism was the anchor to the men's idealism, whether it was Nagi's feverish projects to save Mundus Magicus, or Kiritsugu's notions of imparting justice. Between them, Irisviel would always be the catalyst, the conduit, the linking core between them all. And she never felt as loved as then, neither before or after it.

Tears came to her eyes. She forced herself to keep on writing.

_We reached a state where it didn't matter who was with who, because we all were together, and that was everything that mattered. No one owned anyone else, and yet, we all felt like we belonged to each other._

_Then my family found out._

_Since they surely would either be delivered or betrayed to their enemies before long, the Princess and her consort decided to leave before their downfall would bring ours as well. Despite your father's protests, it was decided it'd be for everyone's best. Nagi and his wife left back for Mundus Magicus, until an emergency at Istanbul forced Nagi to return to Earth, where he disappeared under mysterious circumstances. His wife, hounded by her pursuers after so many years, lost her life in a brave attempt to protect her newborn child, despite her appointed protectors' best efforts._

_I never cried as much as I did when I learned that._

_It was barely over a year since your birth._

_My family assigned Kiritsugu to a special mission here in Japan, to fight in the Holy Grail War. Here, we have been assisted by Nagi's old comrade Konoe Eishun. The fights have been intense, but I feel confident we'll succeed. It is my hope you'll never have to read these lines._

_But in case you are doing so, there's something you need to know._

_Your little brother was saved by his mother's protectors and placed under the care of his paternal family in Wales. It's my wish for you to find and contact him someday, to tell him how much we loved both his parents. I also want you to always think of Kiritsugu as your father as well. Never, not even once, has he protested about such a role. And I know he's just as proud of you as I am. And just as much as your biological father would be._

_We all love you, Ilyasviel._

Irisviel exhaled, wiping her eyes dry. She felt weak and dizzy now, but it surely was only the strain of the last few days. Yes, once they were done there, she'd only need some rest with Kiritsugu and Ilya, and—

Saber appeared on the doorstep dutifully.

"Master," the blond female said stoically. "It is time."

The young woman nodded and stood up, sealing the letter inside of the envelope and leaving it on the desk. "Of course, Saber. Please, lead the way."

**_Now. London_ **

Berserker's huge shadow hid the little Master from Sayoko's sight as the maid entered the secret chamber.

Still, just by looking around a bit, Sayoko could see her young mistress sitting at the other side of the still standing giant.

"Oh, My Lady!" the woman sighed, relieved. "I was worried about—"

Then she saw the letter in Ilya's small hands. "Oh. Oh, you found it." _Well shit_.

"I haven't disappointed my mother," Ilya whispered.

"I beg your pardon?"

The child lifted her face up. "I **was** mature enough to read this. All of it."

Sayoko paused before nodding quietly. "Yes. Yes, you are," she lied for her master's sake.

Said master tightened a diminutive fist. "And I **will** find my little brother."

Then her true family would be somehow reunited, and things would be, at least to some degree, the way they used to be.

**Chigusa vs. Negi.**

A quick donning of robes later, the showdown continued as if nothing had happened.

"Give Konoka back!" Negi cried, taking advantage of his recent fast-casting training to aim his wand at the woman's face before she could attack. _"LUX!"_

A blinding burst of light bathed Chigusa's face, making her blink behind her thick glasses. That, coupled with the weight she was carrying and the thick, fluffy costume she wore, made her lose her balance momentarily, but she regained her footing just as quickly, grunting and countering with a few tossed charms that caught fire in midair.

Chisame had only caught a glimpse from behind the spell, but it still was enough to make her vision a little blurry for a few moments. She'd have to remember to chew Negi out for not telling her about that beforehand later, assuming they survived this. In any case, she kept enough eyesight to barely get out of the way of one of the small fireballs in time, as Negi quickly put them all out with a few well placed _Limes Aeriales_ air barriers.

 _Curses!_ Chigusa thought. _He's faster than I expected. Despite being his son, I wasn't expecting him to be so good, so young. Attacking him head-on might not be the best of ideas._

Instead, she opted to slam a few more charms against the floor and yell, "Charm-san! Charm-san! Suffocate the enemies of my cause!"

Immediately, a thick black smoke erupted from all parts of the wooden floor, exploding out from the planks, spreading very quickly. Chisame found her glasses fogged up in no time, and her lungs filling very fast, making her cough and choke. She felt Chao's arms circling her waist and pulling her to the door, where the gas was less concentrated, but she dug in her feet at the entrance, refusing to leave for good.

Negi coughed as well, then ducked when he felt an arm swinging for him. He wasn't really sure about how he had felt it— maybe this was those 'instincts he always read about?— but somehow, he could see better in the darkness now. Or at least make out the shapes between the clouds marginally better, although it hadn't all been because of his sight. He just had felt her, almost instinctively. He chalked it up to Erebus' advice on how to 'feel' the adversary by the subtle swooshes of the air caused by their motions, and kept on fighting.

He glimpsed Chigusa's left arm right above him, her hand holding a poison tipped dart. He grabbed her wrist, twisted it enough to make her yelp and drop the dart, and swung her against a wall as best as he could, trying not to hurt Konoka. It was difficult, because the monkey suit added a lot of extra weight. It also cushioned the impact, so Chigusa bounced back immediately, kicking Negi across the chest while reaching for more charms.

However, a moment later, she staggered forward when she was double kicked in the back. Now that the smoke had begun to dissipate, Chisame and Chao had jumped back into the room, and Chao's kick had been especially painful. Chigusa would have fallen whimpering and unable to move for hours if the suit hadn't absorbed most of the kick. "His Ministra, I suppose?" the woman growled. "Meddling kids…"

Still coughing himself, Batman had managed to squeeze a hand out of the weakening bonds, reaching for his utility belt.

Chisame grunted and grabbed Konoka's legs, trying to pull her out of the woman's grip. "Let her go, dammit…!" she clenched her teeth.

"Be careful, Chisame-san!" Negi warned, taking aim with his wand again, looking to incapacitate the enemy before any actual harm befell anyone. But then a few dozens of monkeys swarmed on him from all directions, chewing his arms, legs and robe. While he promptly shook them all off, the intruder managed to push Chisame back into Chao's arms, seething madly and scrambling for the window.

She could hear strong, hurrying steps down the hall, approaching. "We'll have to finish this another time, Negi Sprin—!" She finished the sentence with a yowl, as a Batarang hit her between the eyes, making several cracks on her glasses. She shot a final venomous glare at the just freed Bat-Man back on his feet, standing behind Negi and the girls. "You're all dead, mark my words! Dead!"

And she jumped out the window, still with her precious load in her arms.

"GAH!" Negi rushed ahead. "Konoka-san!

"SUICIDE?-!" Chisame screamed, panicking suddenly.

Then she saw the woman cackling her head off in fitting villainous fashion as she bounced onto the nearest rooftop with an agility unfitting her stupidly costumed figure.

"— I guess not," Chisame conceded, breathing only a bit easier.

And the chase began.

* * *

**Arrival**

_Gotham City_

It appeared in the sky without warning, at first looking like nothing but a very bright and unusually big star. Somehow, the satellites orbiting Earth never picked up on it, which would be a cause for concern later on, since it placed heavy doubts on their efficiency against possible alien invasions. The fact to be revealed later of it being a result of Kryptonian shielding wasn't much of a comfort.

It burned a fiery and fast streak down the atmosphere, plummeting down into the river.

"Holy Hercolubus! Did you see that?" the brightly colored suited young man swinging across buildings in the Financial District said, pointing at the distance.

"Oh, you mean the huge starship-shaped thing falling into the river? No, not really. " The young woman clad like a bat swinging behind him changed her route, now heading for the river. "Wanna go see if it's potentially radioactive, giving us long and painful deaths?"

"You mean going to see if there are innocents in danger from it."

"That too. Say, didn't you used to be the one doing the lame wisecrackings?"

"Bludhaven does that to people, Barbara… Besides, you're stealing my bits!"

Over at Metropolis, a certain mild mannered reporter had seen and heard the arrival across the whole distance. A brief excuse to his still-oblivious colleagues later, he rushed into a storage room, ripped his shirt open, and jumped out the window, up, up, and away.

Then he ran into the Weather Wizard robbing a bank, so that delayed him for a short while.

* * *

**Two Setsunas, Twice the Fun!**

Setsuna scowled deeply, managing to keep her personal feelings in check enough to sound convincingly cold and professional. "Let Konoka Ojou-sama go, Tsukuyomi," she commanded. "What you decided to do with your life isn't my business as long as you don't threaten her safety, so hand her over to me, and I'll allow you to escape."

The younger girl giggled. "For the old times' sake, ne, Oneesama? That's so sweet, but I'm afraid I can't take you up on that offer!"

"Reject it, and you'll regret it dearly," Setsuna promised.

Tsukuyomi feigned a sigh. "I always hated saying 'No' to you, Oneesama, but I really, really can't please you now. Not only do I not want to let Hime-sama go after so long without touching her, but I was also paid to deliver her, and a mercenary's word is their everything. So… No, I won't let her go. But you can come with me if you want! That way, you'll be together forever! And with me as a bonus!" she offered, extremely gleeful.

AngelGARd felt like vomiting. She tried not to tighten her grip on Yuunagi, keeping her hand relaxed but ready.

Setsuna stepped forward, breathing tensely. "My patience grows thin. Last chance."

Tsukuyomi licked her lips. "Let's make it one step better."

And she charged forward in a treacherous zig-zag. _"Last dance!"_

Sakurazaki gasped as Setsuna cursed and blocked the first short sword slashes with her own blade, falling back while Tsukuyomi giggled and kept on advancing, never dropping Konoka, who was held against her body by her other arm. That posture gave Setsuna more theoretical freedom of action, since both her hands were free, and she had no weight on her. But the mere possibility of hurting Konoka in any way with her counterattack held Setsuna back far more than it did for Tsukuyomi.

AngelGARd narrowed her eyes, hand hovering over her blade. There was no way in HELL she'd leave ANYONE alone with Tsukuyomi. Not all her bloodthirstiness and instability had come from wielding the Yoh Katana Hinata. She was also fast, not as fast as she'd been— will be?— in Mundus Magicus, but enough that AngelGARd resolved to see about getting her younger self some speed training. Still, if she thought holding Konoka-san hostage would deter attack, she had another thing coming.

Resolved, her hand closed on Yuunagi's grip… and hesitated, the name of her ultimate technique again making her pause to consider if she REALLY needed to use it.

Swords clanged against each other furiously, and Setsuna gritted her teeth. "You!" she told Sakurazaki without looking at her. "Go, we'll be fine here! Trust me! Go help _your_ Ojou-sama!"

The other Setsuna started. "What?-!" Surely she wasn't serious!-?

"We'd only get in each other's way! Stop looking at me and let me fight with a clear mind!"

Sakurazaki made up her mind, turned, and melted into the darkness. Her other self was right; _her_ Ojou-sama was _her_ priority. And once upon a time, as much as she trusted Negi-sensei, Asuna and the others, she'd never slack off on her duties just because they were close.

She was past that now.

"Who was that? She looks nice," Tsukuyomi commented casually as she went for violent cuts that never managed to land, but came dangerously close. Setsuna noticed that, while she didn't seem to be going for outright lethal strikes, she'd be more than glad mutilating her or grievously injuring her. "A lot like you, actually! You think Daddy fooled around somewhere else, too?"

"Any sister would be better than you." Setsuna tried to keep her off her game while frantically thinking for a way to safely snatch Ojou-sama back.

Tsukuyomi pouted. "That's no way to treat your Imouto! These last few years without you have been so harsh and gray.. and you never came for me! Never looked for me! Never! Hime-sama, as always, never left you enough time for your own sister!" she accused, grinning maniacally as she did so.

"Surrender your blade, and I'll visit your cell periodically," Setsuna promised, blocking another slash going in a treacherous arc for her chest.

"I have a better idea," Tsukuyomi said. "Surrender to my blade, and I'll visit your gorgeous limbless stump's bed every night!"

Setsuna grunted. Trying to debate rationally would be even more useless now than it'd have been when they were children. Tsukuyomi had grown much worse than she had expected.

Setsuna and Tsukuyomi had reached almost a stalemate. They stepped away from each other, panting hard and regaining their breaths, measuring each other carefully.

"You haven't grown stale in your training, Oneesama…" the girl with glasses cooed.

"Neither have you," Setsuna had to admit. "Your skills have developed, although in a chaotic and undisciplined way."

Another giggle. "Well, you know how it is! The real world teaches differently than the Dojo! I learned more actually fighting for my life than I ever did with—"

Out of the darkness behind Tsukuyomi, blades began to hurl themselves at her back, to Setsuna's surprise. Tsukuyomi must have sensed her reaction to the unseen attack, because she darted sideways, turning Konoka towards them to act as a shield. Setsuna stared in horror as the blades flew unerringly— and suddenly veered, flying off at right angles. Setsuna barely managed to get over her surprise to realize Tsukuyomi had turned her flank to her, and pressed the attack. The younger girl barely managed to parry, at the cost of her frilly sleeve.

" _Sica Shishikushiro!_ " a voice called out of the darkness, echoing weirdly and obscuring its source as more blades flew out from the night. " _Limited Blade Works!_ "

They came at Tsukuyomi from all direction, above and below, and the startled loligoth suddenly found herself besieged, her moves switching to the defensive as she kicked further back from Setsuna to give herself room to parry. At first, she tried, to Setsuna's horror, to place Konoka in the path of the blades, forcing them to veer off— only for them to instantly correct their courses and aim for her again, this time from a closer, more awkward angle.

"Oneesama!" Tsukyomi whined childishly. "No fair!"

"Kobayashi!" she hissed, using Sakurazaki's assumed name. "I can handle this! I can protect Oujo-sama on my own!"

From behind her, a quiet voice said, "There are many kinds of rivers, and it is easy to be swept away…"

AngelGARd stepped out of the night behind Setsuna, holding a short blade with a red tassel. "I trust the others to protect Oujo-sama until I get back… and I'm not going back until you and she are safe. You don't know what this girl is capable of, Sakurazaki-san."

"I can handle her!" Setsuna snapped.

"Barely," AngelGARd agreed. "But not like this."

Tsukuyomi suddenly let loose an exulted cry as she broke brought the encompassing circle of blades, which had slowed fractionally as AngelGARD was drawn into conversation. "Oh, how rude! Talking about me behind my back, are we?" She charged for AngelGARd, blade outstretched, Konoka pointed at Setsuna to act as a shield. Setsuna instinctively stepped back, only to realize she wasn't the target.

AngelGARd reacted like lightning, the short blade in her hand beginning to curve in a complicated arc. Behind Tsukuyomi, the floating blades oriented on her and did the same.

" _Zanganken Ni-no-Tachi!"_ AngelGARd snapped instinctively _._

The short blade sliced the the air, and behind Tsukuyomi, all 15 blades did the same, the air tearing as a curved slash flew at Tsukuyomi. Tsukuyomi angled Konoka in front of her… only to barely dodge out of the way as the slash passed _through_ her defense, cutting a few long strands of hair. The other fifteen slashes passed through her, eliciting startled cries of pain as thin paper cuts crisscrossed the flesh beneath her unmarked dress.

"Get her!" AngelGARd cried, and she and Setsuna suited actions to words.

Tsukuyomi's sword flashed. " _Kyokudai Raimeiken!"_

" _Shundo_!"

Setsuna felt the breath knocked out of her as she felt AngelGARd suddenly grab her midsection and pull her away at insane speed just as the area the latter had been standing in exploded in a grand-sized explosion of lightning.

When the smoke cleared, Tsukuyomi and Konoka stood alone and unharmed, the ground around them smoking from the strike. Tsukuyomi pouted. "Rats. Missed."

Then, a big monkey suited figure landed before her, holding a nude girl in her arms. "I got Ojou-sama!" she proclaimed grandly, holding her to be seen clearly under the silver moonlight.

Tsukuyomi blinked. "I— I got Ojou-sama too?" she offered lamely, holding up her own Konoka as well.

Chigusa stared, stupefied. "— Two?"

"— A good thing, I guess?" Tsukuyomi smiled.

Out of the night, Setsuna dashed in, going for the save. She didn't cry or scream, but still, Chigusa kept enough presence of mind to notice her in the nick of time. As she closed in, with AngelGARd coming out of nowhere to join her side with a cry of "OJOU-SAMA!", the woman swung a few charms into their path. "Charm-san, Charm-san! Destroy our enemies in a blaze of unholy glory!"

" _LIMITED BLADE WORKS!_ "

Blades began cutting charms out of the air before they had a chance to activate.

Chigusa swore. "Plan B: run!"

* * *

**Ichigo and Hiyori**

After work hours, Ichigo had left back for home, but the annoying small girl with blond hair and freckles wouldn't stop following and pestering him, so he had to stop at a little park and sit down on a bench to listen to her.

"Well, what the hell do you want?" he asked, looking around to make sure there was no one in listening range. The whole area was pretty much dead with almost all the students on class trips.

"You don't think I came all the way here to this stinky world of meatbags just to see your ugly mug, do you?" the girl snorted back, looking away. "Your sisters were worried about you and asked me to check on you, that's all."

"Huh. And my old man?"

"Well, I guess so, yeah, but we know he'd never admit it. He just spends his time babbling and yelling about how much you've disappointed him when anyone brings up the topic."

Ichigo chuckled. "As expected from the old clown."

A second later, a sandal whacked him across the head. The small hand holding the sandal then hit him again. "As if you're any better! That's why you'll never make it to Lieutenant, Kurosaki! You've become the local laughingstock! Beaten by a simple Hollow! Forced to give your power to a lowly human! God, I feel weaker and dumber just by breathing the same air as you!"

He barked back on her face. "That was no normal Hollow! It'd have sliced you apart without even trying!"

"Well, yeah, tell that to everyone at home! Oh, I forgot, you can't because you can't even come back!" she shrilled. "Although maybe that's the best for you, since there's been talk of arresting you!"

Now that surprised him. "Arresting me?"

"What, you deaf too? You know it's against the rules, to empower humans without a permission! Several Captains are pushing to have you punished! Aizen-sama, Unohana-sama and Kyoraku-sama are trying to hold the tide back, but frankly, I don't know if even they can save you from the Dropping Soap routine!"

Ichigo sat back, his eyes slightly wide. "I see…"

Hiyori paused, grumbled, and punched him in an arm. "That's all? Don't fall down to pieces, dumbass! Be a man for once!"

"HEY! It's not like I'm whining and complaining about it, like _some people I know_!"

Again, a sandal to his head. "Don't shit me! I know that haunted stare you've got on now! You're crapping your pants, Kurosaki!"

"I'm not," he replied seriously. "Whatever will be, will be."

The petite girl scoffed, her tone barely any softer. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I won't. Thanks."

"I don't need your thanks."

"Whatever. Just… make sure anything that happens doesn't hurt Karin and Suzu, please."

Slowly, she nodded. "Fine. But only because it's them."

"That's enough for me," he said.

And there was a very long silence from both sides.

Finally, he spoke again. "Would they punish Rukia as well?"

"Nah, I don't think so. At most, they'll just depower her, maybe erase her memories, as long as she doesn't raise any shit. Why to care so much about a human, anyway?"

"Yeah. Why?" he mused, distant and grim, looking away into the horizon line.

Hiyori looked at him with analytical frustration before just whacking his head again, half-heartedly. "Dumbass."

Slowly, it started raining.

* * *

**Bats About You.**

"So, how were things on your side?" Tsukuyomi asked conversationally while holding her Konoka close against her.

Chigusa seemed to briefly shrug under the monkey suit. "Eh. It could have been worse. I met that Bat-Man the Americans make so much fuss about. Overrated, if you ask me. I also met the Thousand Master's son, that kid back there. He's got some good moves and tricks, but I could put him down for good if I didn't have to deliver Ojou-sama in time…"

The charm Chigusa had deployed to cover their escape had spawned a gigantic ink-like mass of a black, thick substance that grew spikes, tendrils and huge fanged mouths out of everywhere, surrounding Negi and company and attacking from all directions.

As they all disappeared from sight, enveloped in the hideous living darkness, Chigusa laughed in her sprint. "Hah! They'll never escape that with their—"

Sure enough, twin large sword slashes cut through the main part of the summoned abomination, the Setsunas running out at full speed after the kidnappers. "Waiiiii, Oneesama and her sexy friend are so cool…!" Tsukuyomi melted, looking back over her shoulder.

Then, another moment later, two bursts of lighting shredded even more of the monster. Negi, wand in hand, helped a grimacing Chisame out, the girl holding a still crackling with electricity scepter up.

"Is that the kid?" Tsukuyomi asked.

"Yes," Chigusa grunted.

"He's very cute. Reminds me a bit of Hansel-kun. If he can fight, can I keep him?"

"Oh, for the love of—!" Chigusa seethed.

Then, a few exploding Batarangs burned the final moving remnants of the monstrosity, with Chao stomping the still twitching remains casually, arms crossed behind her back.

"— No respect at all—" Chigusa exhaled throatily.

While running after the pursuing Batman, actually holding herself back so no one would suspect her _too much_ on top of all the _too much_ they already suspected her of, Chao chirped, "Ne, ne, ne! Aren't you going to growl at us to get back home where we can't get hurt? No 'I'll fix this myself' tough guy speech? Are you really Batman?"

"No, I'm Goldfishman. Isn't it obvious?" he grumbled, eyes narrowing while he hurried up. "And I've seen you pulling enough firepower in a few minutes to make the Teen Titans take notes. I want to see what are you able of."

"Well, I can cook, create artificial mechanic life, sew, speak forty six languages fluently, make pocket time machines, raise hydroponic farming, practice Chinese martial arts, drive flying cars, and I'm working on walking on water!" Chao joked.

"I believe you," Batman deadpanned, ignoring the tiny Alfred voice in his head delivering a "Ask her for marriage, Master Bruce," with all the dryness and willingness the real Alfred had for such kind of traps no doubt meant to get him apart from the cape and cowl. Alfred had never suggested him anyone underage, though. Yet.

It was a completely stupid thing to think during a chase, so he quickly filed it away, hopefully forever.

Then he saw Negi taking aim with his wand at Chigusa's head. "She's still in range! I can stun her down! Ra Stel Ma— HMPPPFFF!" he muffled, when tiny monkeys jumped on his face, forcefully shutting his mouth close. Negi shook them off just as soon, but by now Chigusa and his accomplice had moved out of his firing range again.

"Stupid vermin!" Chamo said, kicking a monkey aside. "Bro, chase them from above! That way, you'll be a harder target, and they'll be easier to aim for!"

"Good idea, Chamo!" Negi nodded, hopping on his staff. "Chisame-san!" he helped her to climb behind him.

The brown haired girl muttered. "I'm really not made for this…"

Negi blinked. "Oh. Well, okay, then it's better if you just stay—"

"No time for that!" she yelled. "Just hurry before they get out of the damn state! And don't give me that wounded Bambi look!"

As he saw the two of them taking off on Negi's staff, plus the talking ermine perched on Chisame's right shoulder, the Batman asked, "Do you have one of those?"

"God, no! They're obnoxious, steal panties, and leave fur everywhere!" Chao joked again.

"I mean a flying staff."

"Can't say I have. Shouldn't you have a Bat-wing or Bat-plane with you, for that matter?"

"I lent it to a friend."

_Gotham_

The Batwing hovered over the now-quiet waters of Gotham Bay.

"See something yet?" Robin asked from the controls, as Batgirl came out the top, searching through the waters with her binoculars.

"No. But whatever fell from the sky, it must have been—" She paused. "Wait, I've got a visual. It's really huge all right, and looks like an… airship of sorts…"

Robin arched an eyebrow under his mask. "Alien crashing?"

"There seems to be… a naked blond girl inside…" Batgirl hesitated.

Silence.

"Really, Barbara," Robin sounded annoyed. "If this is more sniping at me over Starfire, I'm telling you for the umpteenth time, we're just friends…"

* * *

**Identity Crisis**

Akira was surprised find that, despite their names— who thought it was a good idea to call a magical girl _Psycho_ Purple?— these new magical girls were— dare she think it and jinx it?— sane!

"We're in pursuit, Erebus-kun," Kira Deathnote Paru-sama said, a card of some sort against her forehead as she flew through the air on the back of a giant flying shark, her bright-pink hair streaming in the wind behind her. Said shark, Akira had been astonished to see, had popped into existence after Deathnote had drawn it in her sketchbook.

Akira herself was riding another such flying sea creature, sharing it with Psycho Purple, who was quite demure and a polite and careful driver, while Valkyrie Black flew on some kind of winged pole. Black Archer, Akira was astonished to see, just ran, jumping from roof to roof as if it was all an easy path.

As they flew, Deathnote grimaced, then called to the others, "AngelGARd just reported in through her Card. These guys got Maga Alba too!"

Psycho Purple gasped, and Valkyrie muttered something Latin-sounding that was probably not complimentary.

"This Maga Alba is a friend of yours?" Akira asked.

"Y-yes," Psycho Purple said, sounding concerned. "I hope AngelGARd doesn't do anything rash…"

"He heh…" Deathnote chuckled evilly. Her eyes seemed to glint through her mask. The hairs on the back of Akira's neck tried to crawl into her nostrils. "Maybe AngelGARd will finally get over her nerves, break out her fancy Shinmeiryu moves and rescue Alba… then fly her off to safety… and AngelGARd, overcome by her feelings, daringly steals a kiss… or maybe Alba finally loses her patience and pulls her into another one… there's tongue… and soon they're having wild, hot girl on girl monkey action…" She she let out an utterly _disturbing_ laugh, and Akira's hairs crawled some more. No… it couldn't be… and yet… but the pink hair! And… but…

Valkyrie sighed, flew up behind Deathnote, and whacked her upside the head. "Settle down, Paru," she said, and Akira could imagine her deadpan face beneath the lowered visor.

"Eh? Valkyrie-chi!" Deathnote whined.

Realization hit Akira so hard she almost fell off her ride. A little cry bubbled up from her as her shaking finger rose up to point at Deathnote.

The Magical Girls blinked and turned to look at her. "Sailor Mercury-san?" Psycho Purple said, concerned.

Her mind whirled, utterly in denial about what the rest of her had already pierced together as she cried, "H-Haruna?-! Saotome Haruna?-!-?-!-?-!"

She felt Psycho Purple give a start next to her as Deathnote froze for a moment too long. "Why, whatever do you mean, fellow Magical Girl?" Deathnote said, voice suddenly deeper and obviously-and badly— faked. "I am just a passing through Magical Girl, with no connection whatsoever to anyone you may know—"

"You can't fool me!" Akira cried, feeling slightly unhinged. Her world, which had barely settled onto an even keel from discovering she was Sailor Mercury and being sent to another universe, was starting to get screwy on her again. "That evil look! That creepy laugh! That disturbing way you talk about matchmaking! That way you plot out the world like a hentai doujin! Haruna! That **_IS_** you!"

Before Haruna could try to make anymore excuses, Akira pointed at Valkyrie. "And _you_! The way you smacked her on the head! Your exasperation! The way you keep eyeing convenience stores, as if looking for a place to pee! The familiar suffix she used! _Yue-chan?-!_ "

Valkyrie raised a finger as if to object… then dropped it, muttering, "What's the use…"

Akira was on a roll, if a slightly unstable one. "That means…" she turned to Psycho Purple. " ** _NODOKA-CHAN?-!_** "

"Um…" Psycho Purple spluttered.

Down below, Black Archer laughed.

Akira's mind raced, and she paled. "Oh no… Haruna with the power of a Magical Girl, and a magic drawing book…" She gasped. "And you called yourself evil! Haruna has finally acquired the power to rule the world, selling her soul to become some kind of demon lord of ink, and has mind-controlled Nodoka and Yue to become her love-slaves—"

"I DON'T HAVE A HAREM!" Valkyrie cried instinctively as Psycho blushed under her hood.

"— as she finally sets out to conquer the world under her perverted, incestous banner of decadence and evil!"

Kuro leapt up to their level, landing behind Haruna on her shark. "Huh. You're into incest?"

Haruna shrugged. "News to me. I didn't think I was the type."

Nodoka reached into her backpack and handed Akira a paper bag as the swimmer started hyperventilating. The Senshi began breathing into it, trying to regain control.

"Feel better?" Nodoka asked after Akira settled down.

Akira nodded, a bit sheepishly. "Sorry about the love-slave comment, Nodoka-chan."

Nodoka blushed some more, but said, "That's all right. It seems the sort of thing Haruna would do."

"Nodoka-chan!" Haruna whined. "I'm not that bad! I'd make you a consort and full partner! This love-slave business is counter-productive in the long run!"

Akira was shaking her head. "You're all Magical Girls? For how long?"

They exchanged looks. "Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that…" Nodoka said.

Yue suddenly stiffened. "But later!" she said. "Erebus says we can cut off the kidnappers! He knows where they're headed!"

"Ooh, a trap!" Haruna said. "He heh… let's see, what have I got…?"

Nodoka turned a pleading look at Akira. "Can we talk about this later? Konoka-san needs us."

Akira nodded instantly. "Later. But we _will_  
talk about this, Nodoka-chan. I'm getting tired of this magic weirdness coming out of nowhere."

Kuro's sudden laughter was quite ominous…

* * *

**All Onboard the Kyoto Express!**

"They're going into the train station!" Negi pointed down, diving on his staff to rejoin the Setsunas, Chao and the vigilante. "We can't use magic there, but neither can they!"

"No," Sakurazaki said tersely. "They readied all this before hand. Feel free to let loose."

Negi blinked at her. "Are you sure?"

Sakurazaki smiled grimly, her Artifacts orbiting her like ominous satellites. "This isn't my first monkey chase."

Setsuna, Batman and especially Chao gave her a look, but Negi and Chisame seemed to accept that, making Chao wonder.

She ran through the entrance without any problem, and so did Sakurazaki, Negi, Chamo and Chisame. But once Batman tried to follow them in, he was stopped dead in his tracks by an invisible force.

He blinked. "Some sort of barrier…?" he wondered, placing a hand on it, then retreating it when it gave him a slight shock. "How—"

Chao pointed at one of the many paper wards hanging all around the door. "They won't let any normal humans in, sorry! Well," she laughed, hands crossed behind her neck as she walked in as well, playfully stepping backwards, the others already far gone. "Thanks for trying to help, anyway! Don't worry, we'll handle this ourselves! You go fight the Mob or something, ne?"

The Dark Knight grimaced, then tried to yank one of the paper charms off. It didn't even move. It felt as if it was stuck to the entrance with cement. An attempt to rip it apart proved being similarly fruitless, as the thin paper apparently was indestructible.

Batman made a low humming sound. An interesting challenge…

He reached for a gadget in his utility belt.

Meanwhile, as they ran after a train that was speeding off, Chisame noticed something very quickly. "Hey, there's absolutely no one here!" She could see a few employees sitting around sporting blank stares and open mouths, with funny hats on their heads, but other than those and themselves, the place was empty. No crowds, which was completely unusual even so late at night.

"I told you, they prepared this," Sakurazaki said. "Chigusa's not stupid. Preparation is every magic-user's close companion."

"Was that man back there the real Batman?" Negi asked in turn.

"I think so," Sakurazaki admitted. "I've seldom met him myself, but Asakura-san showed me her video of him and Robin in action. Though I thought he'd have longer ears…"

"Does that matter at all now?" a frustrated Setsuna replied. "They must have Ojou-sama in that train! If it gets away, we'll never recover her!"

She all but flew into the nearest door of the vehicle, slicing it open with such a powerful swing of her sword it made Negi, Chisame and Chao gasp aloud. Sakurazaki jumped in after her, knowing it'd be pointless to warn her about what would happen next. They had to walk into the trap one way or another. Chao breathed in, berated herself for her own intrusion yet again, and jumped in next. Then Negi drew in an even deeper breath, grabbed a yelping Chisame around the waist, and jumped in with her right in the nick of time.

Left behind next to the tracks, Chamo called out, "Bro, Chisame-neeeeeee…!" Then he blinked. "Then again, maybe I'm better off here…"

He walked back to the door, where Batman was still trying to burn the paper charms with a pocket flamethrower, to no avail. "Need some help, Batman-sama? I can call you Batman-sama, can't I?"

The Dark Detective grunted. "I have no qualms about talking ermines calling me that, no."

"You don't look too shocked about me…"

"I often fight a talking gorilla, a crocodile man, and a man made of mud. I've seen weirder."

"You know, I think I like you already, Bat-Bro."

"Now _that_ name, I don't like…"

* * *

 

**Water Games.**

"Amagasaki Chigusa!" AngelGARd shouted, as the small group finally caught up to the kidnappers, pursuing them through three cars. "Surrender immediately! You have no place to go!"

Sure, it had never worked in her world, but it was traditional!

The woman in the monkey suit sneered, stopping briefly. "You simply don't know when to quit, do you?"

Sakurazaki scowled deeply, taking another step forward and wondering briefly if she should give a magical girl speech. That seemed like a cue. Her younger counterpart firmly followed behind her. She kept her eyes fixed on Chigusa, as Setsuna kept hers on Tsukuyomi, as if acting on a silent agreement.

The very second Chigusa reached for a charm, that would be the second AngelGARd would slice them off before they could do anything. Then she would take advantage of the opening to strike, and in such a close space, her adversaries couldn't run away easily. They had them.

Unfortunately, after the earlier incident at the street, Amagasaki had learned she couldn't win a quick draw duel against that annoying masked meido girl. She smiled placidly. "Charm-san, Charm-san, facilitate my escape," she said.

Sakurazaki blinked. What? She hadn't pulled any charms at all, so…

Then the train floor under their feet exploded in a sudden sprout of water everywhere. Oh, of course. She had set the charms before they arrived! She should have remembered that, if she hadn't been so caught in the heat of the moment…

"Ho, ho, ho!" Chigusa laughed, while she and Tsukuyomi moved onto the next train car, closing that one hastily with sealing wards. "I hope to sink your youthful dreams, but you know, it's a swim or drown world! Be dearies and enjoy your bath to death, okay?"

Tsukuyomi groaned while following her at a fast pace. "What's with the lame puns now, Amagasaki-han?"

"Well, you know how it is. Hang out with those Gotham freaks long enough, and it rubs off on you…" Chigusa admitted.

Back at the doors of the station, Batman growled, frustrated after failing to burn the wards with his mini-Bat-flamethrower. He let it fall next to the Bat-shredder, Bat-ink-sprayer, Bat-crowbar and Bat-acid-thrower

"That won't work either," Chamo said.

"If you're magical, couldn't you just bite them off?" the vigilante asked.

"I think I could try, but I'm almost sure I'd lose my teeth trying…" answered the ermine.

Bat-stare.

"Hell no! I'm not doing it!" Chamo cowered.

* * *

 

**Wild and Wet!**

Chisame held her breath as the water filled the train car, submerging them all in a matter of seconds. She didn't have even enough time to catch a really good breath in before, and shooting her electric scepter right then would be a suicide, so she only turned her eyes to Negi, silently pleading for a fast solution.

The boy was clutching his wand in a hand, about to throw a spell, but unable to open his mouth and conjure without swallowing a fatal dose of water. Chao floated near him, holding her yukata's crotch firmly against her body to avoid showing any of her commando private areas. The Setsunas were close as well, rolling around in the water until they found a balance in the turbulent streams.

The older Sakurazaki was about to use her sword to cut through the steel and break free, but for once, her younger alternate self beat her to it. More impulsive and angrier, she swung her blade around in a way Chisame had never seen before, and somehow, it caused a gigantic slash to ripple through the liquid, shooting itself against the car's wall separating it from the next wagon. The water, in a single mighty burst, erupted from the newly open crack, storming like a giant geyser into the following car, washing all over it.

A still fleeing Chigusa looked back over her shoulder. "Oh. Rats."

Tsukuyomi hummed. "I should've brought a swimsuit under the dress…"

Then both of them were washed away and swung around by the thundering water along with the Konokas. The flow was so strong, it broke all the windows and doors from the inside, unleashed and roaring. And the train vomited all of its scarce passengers out into the next station.

"PFAH!" Chisame coughed mouthfuls of liquid out, wiping wet hair off her face. "Damn it, are you freaking insane, woman?-! I should—!"

Then she heard Negi's muffled voice from somewhere, and she blinked. "Sensei? Where are you? Are you okay?"

Chao coughed as well and pointed under Chisame. "You're sitting on his face."

"GAH!" Chisame sprang back to her feet, allowing Negi to finally breath again, taking a hand to his chest. "Get your face off my butt, twerp!-!"

Setsuna briefly wondered if somehow Sensei had a magnet for female lower parts on his face, before standing up to face the kidnappers, who still were carrying their squirming, groggily coughing victims. "Have you seen the power of my blade, renegade?" she told Chigusa. "Surrender Ojou-sama now before the next strike goes for your throat!" she threatened, with a ferocity Chisame had never dreamed the bland Setsuna could have, despite what Misora claimed happened in training with Sakurazaki. The Ala Alba said nothing, merely drew her blade with obvious intent, her Artifact blades floating around her.

"Hahhh… Hahhhh…" the older woman breathed hard. "Not bad at all, Shinmeiryuu dog. But as long as I live, I'll never give Konoka Ojou-sama back…"

She covered her and Tsukuyomi's escape with more monkeys up the wazoo, which by now were no real problem for the pursuers. Chisame was finding it wasn't even necessary to blast them; a few whacks with the staff worked fine as well. As she plowed through the opposition, Setsuna noticed her older parallel wasn't putting not much of an effort anymore, barely doing her part but not really going all out like before. Instead, her eyes were slightly unfocused, head tilted to the side. "What are you doing? I know you can do better! They'll get away with Ojou-sama!"

"No, they won't," Sakurazaki said while rejoining the chase. "Everything is under control and according to plan"

"It always pays to have a plan, that's my motto!" Chao shrugged carelessly, looking like she was actually going for the ride for the fun more than anything else. Sakurazaki gave her a mild glare.

"Hey, why did she call Konoka 'Ojou-sama' too?" Chisame asked. "What's the story behind this?"

"I'll explain it later" Setsuna grunted. "Suffice to say Ojou-sama has a great power they want to exploit, no doubt!"

"Oh, great," Chisame grumbled. "One of the few people around that seemed relatively normal…"

"Chisame-san, you HAVE been paying attention to who our medic is, right?" Sakurazaki said.

Chisame grimaced. "Oh, right. I guess I wanted to believe ours would be different…"

"Mind your mouth when talking about Konoka Oujo-sama!" the younger Setsuna snapped.

Chisame blinked, eyes going pinpoints. "… Okay, sorry…"

Chao sighed. "The power of love is so wonderful, isn't it, Negi-bouzou?"

Sakurazaki have her another, stronger glare.

Negi was still rubbing his face. After all that had just happened tonight, he was going to try and keep a hand on his face for protection at all times. After crotch and butt, no doubt he'd have an accident with a female's bust next…

* * *

 

**Escape!**

"It's some sort of spaceship, alright," Robin confirmed, clad in one of Bruce's spare Bat-diving suits and throwing his underwater Bat-lights on the craft's surface. "Not Tamaranean, or at least not like anything Starfire has ever shown me."

"Hmmm," Batgirl's voice hummed, transmitted from the Batboat above. "Well, there's no use on prodding it until Superman and the D.E.O. arrive. We've established it's no immediate threat, so..."

"Wait," he said. "The girl inside's just opened her eyes..."

One moment later, something... no, someone... no, _her_... flew right out of the ship, zooming up past him faster than he could react, then bursting out of the waters and leaping far away into the dark city.

"Wow!" Batgirl gasped once the boat stopped rocking. "Alien exhibitionist on the loose! Just what this town needed..."

Robin broke out of the river, quickly climbing back into the Batboat. "Let's give chase!"

"Sure. Just in case she has the groundbreaking idea of dressing up to disguise herself, did you happen to get a good view of something besides her private parts? Anything we can use to identify her at first sight?"

"She can one punch a metal door off its hinges," was the best he could come up with.

"Well, so can Croc, but unless he's wearing a blond wig, no way we'll mistake them for each other. Let's go!"

* * *

 

**_Big Damn Heroes Cavalry!_ **

The station suddenly opened up into a wide stairway, broken at thirds with wide landings.

"Chao-san!" Sakurazaki snapped. "Stay back and watch the way we just came in! We've got them!"

Chao nodded, the order suiting her just fine, and stopped to watch their rear. Sakurazaki drew the primary blade of her Artifact, timed the running pair's footfalls, and directed her Artifacts. " _Limited Blade Works!_ " she cried.

Tsukuyomi dodged as her instincts screamed of the knife flying at her back, only to trip on the blade that had flown at her feet and stabbed into the ground. She tried to regain her balance, but a third blade slammed butt-first into the side of her face, knocking off her glasses, and she fell, Konoka landing on top of her and knocking out her breath. The glasses clattered to the floor, and another blade slammed into them, cracking the lenses. Still two more stabbed into and through Tsukuyomi's skirts, not exactly pinning her to the ground, but making escape costly.

Tsukuyomi was impressed. She could feel the cool metal of the blades against either side of her thighs. One had even managed to stab through the side of one of her shoes. It made her…

 ** _HOT_**!

Chigusa was similarly trapped, two of the blades flying over her head to cut open her costume and its annoying head-cushioning. Another stabbed at the heel of her outfit, jerking her off her feet, while another struck her side, spinning her around so Konoka landed on top of her. A fourth blade repeated the impact to the side of her hear, knocking off her glasses as another destroyed it.

Everyone stared in shock at Sakurazaki, who was looking a trifle smug. "I have to remember to thank Reaper-chan for teaching me precision targeting," AngelGARd mused. She gestured, and all the blades not securing someone to the ground flew back to her, hovering above her in a ready, threatening line.

"Amagasaki Chigusa!" the magical girl cried, her usually low, even voice suddenly echoing and stentorian beneath the station's vaulting roof. "For crimes against the Kanto Magic Association, for unlawful seizure and assault, and for daring to touch Konoka Oujo-sama, I place you under arrest by my authority as a duly appointed security officer of Mahora Academy! Surrender, and I will personally speak on your behalf at your trial and do my best to see you are granted leniency!" A pause. "I'll even help you put together an insanity defense. Given who you hired, it's likely to push through."

Chao raised an eyebrow at the declaration, slightly bemused. Setsuna and Chisame were both staring, a bit flabbergasted. Negi had stars in his eyes.

"Sugoi…!" he breathed, impressed at the heroic delivery.

"Oneesama!" Tsukuyomi cried, trying to feel around for her glasses. "She's making fun of me!"

"Shut up!" Chigusa and Setsuna chorused. They shared, for a nanoscopically brief moment, a look of mutual sympathy and understanding.

Then Chigusa glared at Sakurazaki, who stood tall, proud and determined, her ridiculous-looking meido outfit not detracting in the least. "Dog of the western mages!" the rebel snapped. "Do you think I wasn't prepared for this? I was at least expecting to fight Takahata of Ala Rubra for the girl, but children are nothing! You've fallen straight into my trap!"

As Setsuna, Chisame and Negi tensed, Sakurazaku allowed herself a small smile.

Chigusa suddenly jerked a charm from her sleeve, tossing it at the ground at them. "Charm-san, Charm-san!" she cried. "Burn my enemies to ash and nothingness!"

Apparently, this charm had been prepared differently from the others, because it was already exploding into flame as it left Chigusa's hand, the heat slamming into them even from a distance away as it began to form into a large character.

Frantically, Negi tried to raise a shield, but even as he did, he knew no shield he made could protect them from a flame that size. Even if the fire itself didn't reach them, the sheer heat would be their doom…

Chao dove, cursing herself, knowing she didn't have time to deactivate her limiters but trying anyway. She wouldn't be able to save everyone, but if she could just manage to spare Negi…

Chisame saw death coming for her, a cute girl about her age sitting on the stairs and holding ice-creams for everyone. "I should have gone to Ohtori…" she said bleakly. "I'm going to die a virgin…"

_Some distance away, Tsunetsuki Matoi snapped to full wakefulness. "CHISAME-SAMA!"_

Sakurazaki just smiled.

Then, from above Chigusa on the stairs, and to the windows to either side of the large chamber, there came echoing cries.

_"MERCURY AQUA MIST!"_

_"Trace,_ **_ON_ ** _!"_

_"Nivis Tempestas Obscurans!"_

A spiraling beam of cold and darkness slammed into the heart of the flame as a battering ram of cold mist struck it from the side, which exploded into a fog that instantly formed ice on the stairs. At the same time, three huge swords, '' _Ensis Exorcizans''_ , were launched at it from the other side.

The abrupt, sharp temperature differential from sudden extreme heat to sudden extreme cold caused a violent explosion of air as they met, throwing a sudden shockwave at everyone's faces as the three swords neutralized any remaining magic.

At the top of the stairs, three girls stood, spaced to block the way, while to the left of the stairs, a long-haired girl wore a tight white body suit and blue miniskirt, while at the right a dark-skinned girl in skimpy red and black stood ready.

Sakurazaki's smiled widened slightly, definitely a little smug. "I'm afraid you've got it the wrong way around, Amagasaki-san," she said. "We didn't fall for your trap. You fell into _ours_."

Chigusa stared. "How… what…" she struggled, then exploded. "WHO THE HELL **_ARE_** YOU PEOPLE?-!"

The tallest of the three girls at the top of the stairs brightened, and the red-clad little girl smiled. If THAT wasn't a straight line…

"Worshipper of evil," the red-clad girl cried, her voice high-pitched and definitely that of a child, pointing at them dramatically, "you stand before justice naked of your protections! Be judged by my righteous swords, and know either salvation or damnation! My body is under the dominion of righteousness, my fate lies upon the edge of my blade! I am a warrior for the virtues of all Heavens! I am the guard against the evils of all hells! Through the seven heavens, by the three shining virtues, mine are hands that protect the balance!"

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," Chisame groaned.

"In the name of Truth, Love and Justice, I am Magical Girl Black Archer, survivor of Heaven's Feel and Fated Knight of Fuyuki! By the will of Akasha, I am your doom!" Kuro cried.

"Protectors of the students of Mahora! Explorers by day, lovers by night, Magical Girls by our own courage! We are Magical Girls Biblion, the Elite Library Island Explorers Club Division, Ala Alba!" She drew a thorned whip from out of her book, snapping it expertly. "Fearless artist and future ruler of the Worlds! Mangaka without peer or equal, and Organizer of the United Magical Girls' Association of Earth, I am Kira Deathnote Paru-sama!"

Yue held the Souken professionally ready, eyes watchful. "I am the daughter of philosophers," Yue announced. "The world of wisdom and knowledge is mine. I am a student of Ariadne. We are the Maidens of War. I am a Magical Girl. We are they who fight for Truth, Love, and Justice. I am Ala Alba! Magical Girl Magistra Magi Valkyrie Black, ready for action!" She leveled the Souken. "Fall before my blade."

"Protecting the helpless and weak, standing for the honor of the Shinmeiryu, my blades serve the cause of righteousness!" Sakurazaki cried, no hesitation in her voice, her blade ready. "Magical Girl Meido AngelGARd!"

Setsuna stared, mortified. Tsukuyomi moaned in arousal.

Nodoka was next, her voice a clarion call. "Tomb Raider, Treasure Hunter, and proud member of Ala Alba! Psycho Purple!" she declared simply, the grip on her small knife unshaking.

There was a moment of hesitation as Akira balked at what she knew they were expecting. But… Nodoka. Miyazaki-frickin'-Nodoka, the girl who was the original shrinking violet of all shrinking violets, had just done it. And suddenly she didn't care people were watching, didn't care she was in an embarrassing outfit in front of her teacher and complete strangers, didn't care that her world had gotten so strange Hito Nami-normal **_HASEGAWA CHISAME_** was running around as a magical girl. She! Didn't! CARE!

Because if Nodoka could do these speeches, then _she_ damn well could!

"Wielders of dark magic, kidnappers, thieves of security and innocence!" she cried, in a voice of righteous fury. Suddenly, she was angry. How DARE these people! How dare they try to take her classmate! Did they think there would be no consequences? Well, there bloody well WOULD be consequences!

 _HER_!

"I am the Sailor-suited Warrior of Love and Justice, Sailor Mercury! And I swear, by all my power, for what you have done, for taking this innocent girl for your own dark ends, **_YOU! SHALL! PAY!"_**

_In a far, distant place, Minako jerked awake. "Suddenly, I feel a disturbance in the Force. As if a great ass-kicking is about to ensue…"_

_Her hands embracing the blonde's waist, Ami sleepily said, "Go to sleep, Minako-chan…"_

Tsukuyomi giggled. "My! What interesting friends you have, Oneesama! Maybe they should meet my friends…!"

"Amagasaki Chigusa!" Psycho Purple cried. "We have you surrounded! Surrender and pay for your myriad crimes, all the way back to gradeschool."

Despite herself, Chigusa started. Gradeschool? How could they know about…

"Ah! You cheated on every math test by writing crib notes on your socks!"

Chigusa's jaw dropped. "How do you know that?-!"

"Ooh!" Tsukuyomi 'ooh'-ed. "So naughty, Chigusa-han!"

"You never paid for your curry bread!"

"Five-fingered discount!" Tsukuyomi approved.

"You lie on your taxes!"

Tsukuyomi laughed. "Ah! Such petty crimes Chigusa-han."

"You got a needy sophomore to write your thesis for you by agreeing to go on a date with him… and not showing up!"

"DESPICABLE!" Deathnote swore. "Enemy of true love!"

"You eat roasted kittens!" Nodoka said in horror.

Tsukuyomi tittered. "Oh, you're so evil, Chigusa-han… it's so sexy…"

"YOU READ TWILIGHT FOR PLEASURE!"

Negi gasped. Chisame's face twisted in disgust. Chao looked repulsed.

Tsukuyomi coughed, leaning away from Chigusa. "I'm sorry, Amagasaki-han, but I will no longer be able to work for you. Even _I_ have standards, and— "

"I'll pay you more money," Chigusa said.

Tsukuyomi clenched a fist. "Sexy, sexy Chigusa-han has the right to read any tasteless, mind-numbing, stupid garbage she wants! We're with you, Chigusa-han!"

"Oh, I'm so relieved," Chigusa said flatly. She snarled and called out, "Hansel-san! Gretel-san! Homura-san!"

There was a blur of movement, and two streaks leapt down from the roof. With a cry of "Trace, ON!" Kuro leapt to intercept one, while Sakurazaki met the other. Steel rang.

Akira's senses screamed at her, and she dodged just as a burst of flame exploded right where she'd stood. She rolled, and faced a girl in ordinary clothes, left eye shining with fire…

"For Kosmo Entelekhia," the girl said, and her eye blazed. " _AMATERASU_!"

Akira dodged, hers eyes watering from the heat and fumes, and called the goggles that came with her outfit, pulling it down over her eyes.

Tsukuyomi leapt into the air, leaving her skirt and one shoe behind. The sight of her thonged butt made Negi blush and avert his eyes out of instinct as Setsuna leapt forward for Konoka. Tsukuyomi laughed merrily as she slashed, but the loss of her glasses screwed up her aim, and her technique, intended for Setsuna, instead flew at a defenseless Chisame.

Chisame did the worst! Possible! Thing!

She froze.

Time seemed to slow.

"Chisame!" Chao cried, the scream seemingly overly drawn out and painfully protracted.

Chisame could only stare at the oncoming slash, a vaguely visible warp in the air. Okay, _now_ she was going to die…

She was vaguely aware of two huge forms appearing to either side of Chigusa as Yue, Haruna and Nodoka leapt to attack, Nodoka in the lead, tentacles from Haruna's book trying to reach for her…

_So. This was how it ended…_

Kuro was swearing, trying to throw something in the path of the attack, but her enemy was having none of it…

_Do I have any regrets?_

Sakurazaki tried to send her Artifacts, but couldn't spare the concentration from her own fight…

 _Yes. Many. Sora, I'm so sorry for being a bad sister… I_ do _love you…_

Chao screamed, holding a golden pocket watch that did nothing…

_Hakase… be happy with Sakurako…_

Her Artifact fizzled in her hands, useless without her direction…

_Sensei… thank you for being in my life…_

"CHISAME!" Negi screamed heart-wrenchingly.

_Matoi… I'm glad you came to my life… I…_

The lights of the station flickered, and died, only to be replaced by emergency lights.

_I…_

Something breezed past Batman and Chamo, destroying the wards like they weren't there, the talismans bursting into flame.

_I don't dislike you…_

Something flashed by Chao faster then her eyes could see.

_I'm going to die a virgin…_

Skuld stared at her elbow. "Oops. Accidentally flipped the 'Dramatic Slow-Motion' switch." She turned it off.

Time returned to its proper flow, and there was the dark-clad woman again, with only two ice-creams now. Chisame closed her eyes.

There was a thud, a cry of tortured wood and ruptured air, and a heavy thud. There was the smell of sake.

Chisame's eyes snapped open.

Matoi stood before her, clutching the enormous shape of a wooden telephone pole, its top sheared clean off, the broken length at her feet, the transformer on it cut open and spilling mineral oil onto the ground. Heavy power cables still hung from it, and cement and dirt clung to one end. The high school girl's eyes were clear and lucid, no trace of intoxication in her poise and bearing. She wore only the white shirt Sakurazaki had changed her into and her panties which, Chisame blearily noticed, where the exact same brand and style Chisame was wearing. Her gaze burned, a palpable intensity that seemed to shine through the sudden half-gloom.

 _"NO ONE TOUCHES CHISAME-SAMA!"_ the stalker cried, voice brimming with wrath. " ** _NO ONE!_** "

For some reason, Chisame's heart went 'bu-bump!'.

And the battle was joined.

* * *

 

**Gratuitous**

"Well, Asuka-chan is at her class trip, and Kyoko's out in a meeting with Commander Ikari," Misato happily said, unable to see how, walking behind her, Ritsuko grimaced in disgust at the mention of the Ikari name. "So you can make yourself comfortable, Ritsuko. Why, you even can stay the whole night if you want to… it'll be just like when we were in college sharing a one-bedroom apartment… I think I still have our dild—"

"Thank you," Dr. Akagi interrupted, shaking the sopping wet coat off herself and carefully set it aside. The storm still raged outside.

"Well, wanna take a hot bath?" Misato asked while reaching into the fridge for an Ebisu beer. "Feel at home."

Ritsuko rubbed her nose. "You sure you don't want to go in first?"

Misato shrugged. "Nah, I'm used to being cold and wet. I spent two whole years at the South Pole, remember? Enjoy your bath!"

"Thanks," the bottle blonde said sincerely, walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind herself, and shedding her wet clothes. She stepped into the shower, turned the hot water on, and relaxed under the warm, soothing flow.

Then she felt something rather big and slippery waddling between her toes.

Ritsuko looked down. "Ah. It's you," she said blandly.

The bird at her feet waughed at her. "Wark! Wark!"

Ritsuko exhaled wearily. Well, the laws of cause and effect in the continuum said she only could do one thing now.

Misato was sitting at the table sipping her second beer of the night when a naked Ritsuko stormed out of the bathroom, breasts swinging in a way that reminded the fanfic's audience the origin of the term 'Gainaxing'. "Ahhhh! Why do you have _a penguin_ in your bath?-!" the scientist screamed. No one could have told she was only pretending.

Misato blinked. "Wow. Nice shave."

Inwardly, between this and the incident at the audience, the scientist was wondering if the Powers that Be of the Universe weren't simply dead set on making her their Public Nudity Ms. Fanservice.

She was probably right.

_Somewhere, Takane Goodman blinked. "This feeling… it's as if a weight has been lifted from me…"_

_Next to her, Mei muttered, "It's still my turn Nutmeg," as she sleepily humped the blonde's naked hip…_

* * *

 

**The Bat And The Ermine**

Chamo blinked, loosened strands of his white fur still fluttering in the air, slowly falling to the scorched floor the girl had just run over. "… Huh. I think that was Matoi-chan. You see, she's this girl who— hey, where did you go?" He looked around.

Then, a motorcycle burst from the staff's parking lot, a dark and imposing figure with a long cape and pointy ears riding it, speeding down the path Matoi had taken, following her down the train's railroads.

Chamo exhaled. "Why oh why do I have a feeling I'll need some Training From Hell myself or at least some sort of cool Chamo-mobile to get myself anything here?" he mused before running after the Bat as fast as his tiny legs allowed it. "Hey! Slow down! Cowardly yet oddly suicidal risk-taking elf ermine needing a ride here, Brooooo…!"

* * *

 

**Not a Tea Party**

Kuro sighed in pure annoyance as the pale boy in Goth clothes swung his huge axe at her again.

Granted, he had to be freakishly strong to handle such a big and heavy weapon with such ease, grinning maniacally as he did so, but still, he had no technique, only savage ferocity and determination going for him. And while ferocity and determination could take you a long way, as her brother regularly demonstrated, it only took you so far without skill. He was fast, granted, but nothing out of her league. She spared with Rider and Negi, after all The hardest part was to think of a way to put him down quickly without hurting him too badly (after all, Ala Alba tended to be very sensitive about those things).

Nearby, AngelGARd rolled from the line of fire as the boy's twin lifted her gigantic M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle and sprayed fire around with it, giggling in a way that truly matched Tsukuyomi's. Judging from the way the bullets made tiny explosions instead of piercing through whenever they hit a wall or the floor, it seemed someone had modified the ammo, probably to be non-lethal, but needless to say, no one was exactly eager to prove that.

Sakurazaki didn't usually make it a habit to fight enemies with long and wide range gunfire (she knew better than to piss of Mana or Tomoyo), but she was more than fast and skilled enough to avoid the fire, although she had to keep her distance for now. The place was getting so crowded it was hard to take aim without interference from any of the many other fights going on at once, but she was sure she only needed to wait a few moments until the girl needed to reload, to put her down in a single precise strike.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, she spied Chigusa slowly and carefully backing away with her Ojou-sama, taking advantage of the other Setsuna being busy with the blinded but still fight-capable Tsukuyomi, who barely held her own. The other members were most likely some kind of smokescreen to cover her own escape, but if she thought that would stop them, she—

But before she ran there dodging the gunfire, a long rope tied to a black boomerang swept through the air from the shadows, wrapping itself around Chigusa's waist and violently pulling her back, making her fall back on her butt. Actually, now that she got a better view, it was more like a steel cable attached to a boomerang…

Amagasaki lifted her head angrily. "You again!" she snarled at the tall, dark figure swinging into the fray. "Vermin like you should know when to quit!"

"Like I was saying before…" the American vigilante held up another Batarang, this one with a glowing yellow core on its middle, "… Let the girl go immediately."

"Be careful!" Nodoka warned. "She'll try a suffocating wide-area talisman next!"

Amagasaki blinked. "How did you—"

"That's quite a rude thing to think about us," Nodoka told her. "And grammatically imprecise, too."

"Oh, screw you," Chigusa snapped, working her way back to her feet and trying to snap the cable holding her. The Batman tugged again, making her lose her footing, but she didn't completely fall down. She had to think of something, but no matter what she thought, that pesky little girl seemed able to guess it correctly. Then, what—

Then, just as Negi, Chisame and Matoi closed on her to regain Konoka, a loud whistle cut through the air. Yue paused only a split second in her slashing of swarming monkeys, just as Haruna frowned, her own Godzilla shaped (even if, thankfully, not fittingly sized) constructs keeping Chigusa's newly summoned huge bear and monkey dolls at bay. "What's that?" Paru wondered.

The Bat growled. "A signal. The frequency that acts on the altered brainwaves of slaves subjected to Mad Hatter technology."

"What?" Matoi asked.

A grunt. "Trust me. I've done this several times before. Get ready."

Kuro frowned distastefully. "Ugh. Supervillains. No understanding of economics."

"I hate hanging with crowds," Chisame muttered, as the train station's staff began to pour in from all directions, all of them with one form or another of chip firmly attached to their heads.

Chao eyed them with an analytical eye. "It isn't going to be as easy as dropping hats from their heads, is it?"

"Tetch left nothing to chance this time," Batman observed, fists ready. "These people will need careful removal after this…"

Chigusa chuckled dryly. "Your delusional friend wanted to keep his old hat motif, but I was smarter than that," she crowed. "Personally, I dislike using mere worthless mundanes as tools; it just feels beneath me. But you know what they say; desperate times—" she snapped her fingers and the dozens of slaves all ran to the rescue party, charging along the monkeys between them.

"Oh, please…!" Kuro huffed, finally just resorting to lash out with a kick in Hansel's face and knocking him against a wall. At the same time she swung her sword in the opposite direction to slash more monkeys. "This is getting simply ridiculous! And not in the usual 'chainsaw sharks and giant Stay Pufts' way!"

For once, Chisame couldn't help agreeing with her. "So, what do we do? These are innocents, right? But if I blast them, no jury should find me guilty! I'm just saving my own—"

"I'll take on the slaves," Batman said, already punching one in the stomach and sending him down. "And your friend seems to be about to dominate her adversary. Concentrate on the ringleader!"

Kuro rolled her eyes. "Give an adult a place in your massive fight scene, and they'll start thinking they can run the whole place…"

* * *

 

**Bat-tle Royale with Napoleon Cheese!**

They had fallen into a more or less stable fighting arrangement of sorts now.

Negi plowed through literally swarms of tiny monkeys pouring out of everywhere and piling up on him to try and reach the monkey lady, getting closer at a very fast pace, while Nodoka and the now available Kuro blocked her escape route and kept her back, the mind reader guiding the Black Archer move by move. Valkyrie Black and Deathnote kept on fighting the giant dolls and pushing them back. Sailor Mercury was having some problems with the fire using girl, but she could douse most of her flame attacks with her own water based ones barely on time.

The 'Gretel' girl had helped her groggy twin back to his feet, and now she hid behind the over of an overturned metal table with him, periodically spraying Sakurazaki's path with heavy gunfire to try and keep her apart from the other fighters. The Bat was making short work of the mind controlled staff, punching line after line of them with surgical efficiency. Setsuna finally seemed to be getting a decisive advantage over Tsukuyomi, pushing her back against a corner while Chao hung slightly behind, as if waiting for a cue.

Chisame, meanwhile, grunted while summoning her electronic sprites. "Okay, Boku, Pico, deploy a barrier around me! Negi, Nene, try to disrupt those chips on those people and free them, now!" she commanded.

After a few brief moments of concentrated silence, Nene said, "It's going to be difficult, Mother! The chips themselves are no problem, but they are linked to those people's neural functions, and we aren't programmed to interact with biological electric pulses! We might hurt them if we cut the interface between their brain functions and the chips abruptly!"

"Terrific," the girl grunted. "Okay, then let's leave it to the superhero. Concentrate on zapping the monkeys around Sensei and open a path for him. Also, contact the local police station and call them over."

"Are you sure you want to do that, Mot—"

"Dammit, lives might be at risk here! We'll worry about how to get away later!" she barked.

"Y-Yes, Mother!" the mice went back to work.

"Ahh, Chisame-sama, just like Eva-sama said, you're becoming a true field leader…!" Matoi cooed while whacking a few monkeys trying to sneak behind Chisame.

"… Say that again and I'll hurt you."

"You mean 'thanks for that save moments ago', don't you?" Tsunetsuki pressed, fluttering her eyelashes coyly.

"Okay, yes, that too," Chisame relented.

Matoi squealed girlishly, her hands on her cheeks.

After a lot of frantic, rapid clashing of blades, Setsuna took advantage of a literal blind spot of Tsukuyomi to hit her wrist, drawing some blood and causing enough pain to loosen her grip on Konoka. That was the sign Chao had been waiting for, and she slid in like a living bullet, kicking Tsukuyomi's ribs and elbowing her face at once, her free arm wrapping itself around Konoka's waist and pulling her back with herself.

"Ah?" the Shinmeiryu renegade squinted her eyes, trying to get a good look at her. "Ah, it's you, Buns-han! That's mean, poking into other girls' private matters like that! I'm not going to forget th—" She barely felt Setsuna's next strike in time to stop it. "Oh, Oneesama, why won't you tell your rude friend to stop nosing into our affairs…?"

Setsuna smirked slightly. "Thank you, Chao-san. Now I can fight with a freely. Please keep Ojou-sama safe and I'll wrap this up in no time."

Tsukuyomi pouted cutely. "Ah, still underestimating me, Oneesama? Keep in mind you had to gangbang me to get this far! Not that I mind being gangbanged, but—"

Chao cringed at the rest of the line while back pedaling with Konoka in her arms. The naked girl still seemed out of it, as if heavily drugged. Chao casually elbowed Hansel in the face when he tried to take her from behind, sending him to the floor with a bleeding nose.

"Ah! Dear Brother, your perfect profile!" Gretel cried, momentarily distracted enough to make her ignore the Batarang hitting her right hand, unleashing a large electric discharge. She shrilled like a scared little girl and dropped her gun, just as the Batman jumped in between them, and AngelGARd took the chance to zero in on Chigusa just as Negi did so.

"The 'Vampire' Twins from Romania," Batman said tersely. "You two wiped out the whole Roanapur branch of the Verrochio family last year."

The twins smiled in a sinister fashion. "Yes, that was when we met Sister Tsukuyomi," the girl nodded slowly.

The boy fingered his axe's handle eagerly, licking blood off his upper lip. "Hey, hey, are you really the Batman? We heard so much about you, we'd be disappointed to learn you're nothing but a myth…"

"Are all children in this country so disturbed?" he said, readied his HAMMERS OF JUSTICE!

"Bad, bad Bat-Man!" Hansel sing-sang. "Picking on little boys and girls!" He charged, axe swinging out for blood.

* * *

 

**Akira in a Hot Spot!**

Ookuchi Akira, as has been mentioned before, hated fighting with a passion unfitting a girl who didn't really hate anything else. She was a big believer of understanding and common ground between all races and classes, and was one of the few 3-A students who actually did their best to get along with 3-F. It helped 3-F had no swimmers to compete with.

Right now, she was thinking maybe she could have used a bit more fighting in her past. Maybe.

"I'm telling you, we don't have to fight if you only told me what—" she still tried to reason, while rolling aside like Minako had taught her during their battle with the demonic crows, managing to escape the spot of the floor exploding into flames under her feet right in time. "Why are you doin this?-!"

_Back in Mahora, Takamachi Nanoha sneezed in her sleep._

"Words are wasted on the likes of you!" the girl exclaimed arrogantly, as her eye kept on burning, her stare seeming to cause continued bursts of fire wherever she looked. "Depart now, or sign your death sentence! That's all the explanation you need! I have no time to explain anything to the likes of you!"

_Back in Mahora, Fate Testarossa-Tomoe sneezed in her sleep._

Akira grunted, putting the flames out with a few well placed Mercury Bubbles, and pondering actually hitting the girl herself with them as well. Holding back almost got her killed against Tsukuyomi, and she surely wouldn't kill this girl if she hit her in the arms or legs.

Actually hitting her would be a problem, either way; she moved almost as fast as herself, and Akira was fast enough even out of the water and without her Senshi powers.

"Come on, that can't be all!" Akira protested, running after her and enveloping her with mist, just to see the girl hopping back athletically, escaping her immediate range and blasting her path with even more pavement cracking bursts of fire. Akira had to resort to running in zig-zag, dodging the flames at each step while attempting to close on her. "I'm sure we can find common ground if we try hard enough!"

_The next sneeze snapped Nanoha awake, rubbing her nose._

"Oh, you're so annoying!" the stranger huffed, gesturing with a hand and telekinetically loosening several cables from the ceiling, setting them ablaze and trying to wrap them around Sailor Mercury's body. One of them managed to snare part of her skirt and burn it, making her yelp in surprises. Akira rolled aside again, putting the flames out with several quick pats of her hands. Fortunately, her gloves were much thicker than they seemed. "When will you understand I don't want to talk with you? Only go away or burn!"

_Fate sneezed so loudly she and her bedmate Hotaru woke up._

Akira inhaled deeply, getting herself mentally ready before going for broke. She took a brief step back and sprang forward with an imitation of a move she had seen Minako use on Youma. "SAILOR MERCURY KICK!"

 _Minako sneezed_.

"What?" the other girl blinked, not expecting a frontal attack, confident the high temperatures around her would continue keeping her enemy away. The hot air sizzled as the warrior of ice flew through it, aiming a foot straight at her face. With practiced skill, the pigtailed girl blocked the kick with both forearms, but as Akira fell down, she stopped her fall by slamming both hands against the floor, then swung her other leg, catching the fire user by surprise in the chest and slamming her against a wall.

"Stop it before you force me to hurt you!" she pleaded. "Talk to me!"

_Nanoha sneezed loudly enough to make her bounce on her bed. "Oh, I hope I don't have a cold…"_

The fire user smirked, getting back to her feet. "Not bad. Still, you aren't going to—"

The swimmer, deciding to make good use of her speed, didn't give her time to continue, connecting a fist with her face. She knew the punch had no technique and, in Minako's words, had no 'power' either, meaning it had no precision or skill helping it. She was relying on her pure brute strength and speed, but if that was all she had, she'd make good use of it.

The girl retaliated by slapping her several times like a whirlwind, her hands ablaze and leaving slight scorch marks on her cheeks. If she had been in her unmorphed state, the burns would have been serious. "My name's Homura!" she said. "That's all you've earned knowing on me!" Expertly, she elbowed Akira in the stomach, forcing her back to put her in position for another fire blast. "It was a mistake, getting close for melee! I've been trained to fight from childhood, while you—" she snarled while punching her in the nose with literally burning knuckles when Akira tried to close in again, "—I can tell you lack any training just by looking at you!"

"True," Akira rubbed the blood off her nose, backing away and preparing an attack of her own. "But I can learn on the fly! MERCURY BUBBLES!"

She shot the bubbles straight towards her, making them deliberately slow so they wouldn't land a fatal hit. As expected, the girl countered them with her fire, and the clash of water and flames shot steam in all directions, covering the whole area with a gaseous blanket that made Homura cough and real to get out of the heat.

Taking advantage of that momentary distraction, and remembering her mistakes while fighting Tsukuyomi, Akira struck again, her goggles allowing her enough vision through the mist, and her power guarding her from the heat to let her land a good punch on Homura's face, immediately followed by a second and third one before she could recover.

Sailor Mercury knew she had the strength edge over her enemy, whose strong points seemed to be on her long range capacities and her skills. If she hit her hard and fast enough without giving her any breathing room, maybe she could put her down quickly and without too much to trouble…

_Nanoha's next sneeze made her fall off her bed._

This was why she hated fighting. It made her feel dirty. Evil.

Homura fell down on her butt, coughing hard. "Had enough, Homura-san?" Sailor Mercury asked.

"Never!" the girl snarled, and her eyes grew redder, flames exploding out of her pores and burning all her clothes of, surrounding her like an actual human torch as little horns grew on her head. She sprang back to her now bare feet with renewed energy, and the air around her became nearly impossible to breathe. "I won't disappoint my lady! No matter what! Prepare to die, you… you interloper!" she cried.

Akira exhaled and wondered what had she ever done to deserve this.

"Please tell me you have some spare clothes nearby," Akari said. "Otherwise, you might catch a cold…"

"Oh, don't worry, I always carry spares."

"Oh, good."

And once more, the fight was on.

* * *

 

**Interlude: The Shield**

**_Tokyo._ **

"Visits, Master?" Shield asked flatly from where she sat, hands perfectly placed on her lap.

Rei sighed, looking out of the window. "Yes. My fiancé. He will come tomorrow to have dinner with us. I have told you you're my new housemaid, Mrs. Shields. He's a discreet man and won't ask any further."

The Servant cocked her head slightly aside, looking intrigued more than anything else. "I had thought you were far too young to be engaged. Back in my homeland, it would be habitual for a woman your age to be already married, but I understood your customs were different."

Rei pondered asking about her origin country for a moment, but she knew Shield was reluctant to talk about her past, and she didn't want to pressure her. Instead, she replied honestly. "Well, to be fair, it's not official yet. But it's all but a fact it'll be announced in a couple years. Arranged marriages are all but a forgotten relic here, but our case is… special. Like I told you, my father holds a very high position at the Japanese government, and my fiance is… the son of the Japanese Prime Minister himself."

Shield lifted an eyebrow as Rei showed her a portrait she had on a coffee table. It held a picture of a very tall and thin, handsome young man with curly dark hair and green eyes. "His name's Kururugi Suzaku," Rei informed.

"You do not sound like a woman in love, if I may be so bold," the Servant stated, respectful yet cold and distant.

"We don't love each other, that's why," Rei shrugged casually. "Oh, we're friends, don't get me wrong. He's a polite, gentle, caring and decent person, although too… single minded and stubborn at times. But we cannot love each other."

"I see," the blond woman said, not really sounding like she was expecting anything else on the subject. Yet Rei kept on talking.

"Suzaku-kun is… well, how to say it without sounding offensive or anything…"

"So manly he needs a man to satisfy him?" Shield guessed.

Rei had to laugh a bit. "Oh, yes, so much! I mean, not like maybe you're thinking. In truth, he has told me there's only one person he ever has loved. A childhood friend he used to have. But that person… just couldn't love him as anything but a friend."

"Oh," the blonde said.

Hino sighed again, leaning on the window, looking at the doves flying outside. "We can't go against our parents' wills, of course. Most likely, we'll end up marrying anyway. We'll attempt to make it work, have two or three children to keep up appearances and continue the lineage, and we'll hope and pray our marriage doesn't destroy our friendship."

"Or you could win the Grail War," the Servant added.

Rei smirked with determination. "Yes. Or I could do just that!" Her spirits sunk down again. "But in all truth, I have better things to wish for."

"Master," the woman with the mismatched eyes said, "I don't wish to tell you what to do, but you should do what you really think is best, not only for you, but for everyone else."

"I know."

She rose and put a hand on her shoulder. "Trust me when I tell you, there are far worse fates than an arranged marriage."

Rei side-looked at her. "Huh?"

The woman's unevenly colored irises stared into the distance, full of dry detachment. "Yes. Far, far worse things…"

Rei felt her sadness for a moment, and even so, she also felt it was even better than ever before to avoid making questions.

She only put a hand on the taller female's shoulder in return. "Whatever those things were, they can't hurt you now."

"No," she disagreed, her voice soft and absent. "They'll haunt and hurt me forever."

Rei could do nothing but squeezing the shoulder tighter.

* * *

 

**Victory…?**

"It's over!" Negi cried as he rushed past the now shredded monkeys littering his path, leveling his staff towards Chigusa, who already had Kuro's sword and Nodoka's dagger also trained on her. "You're cornered from all sides, clearly outnumbered, with no way out! You already lost one hostage, and even if you slipped away, we could follow you anywhere! You have no logical choice but to surrender!"

"Yes, PLEASE surrender," Kuro said. "We'd appreciate the novelty."

"Shut up!" Chigusa still barked. "Hah! If you truly think you have defeated me, it only proves how childish you are! An experienced mage like me could never be defeated by a random bunch of brats like you! Back away, before I do something so hideous and drastic it'll shatter your puny minds forever!"

Nodoka half-scowled in disbelief. "You aren't going to be pathetic enough to try and run away after this, are you?"

Chigusa blinked, stood perfectly still for a few moments, and then turned around and ran for the nearest window. "Ah ha ha ha ha! Knowing is one thing! Being able to stop me is another!"

Kuro sweatdropped. "She IS pathetic enough..."

"Well, I guess it's either that or just giving up. At least she'll try to the end..." Psycho Purple nearly sympathized.

 _"Undecim Spiritus Aerialis, Vinculum Facti Inimicum Captem!"_ Negi cried, casting eleven arrows of wind that zoomed on the fleeing woman. _"SAGITTA MAGICA AER CAPTURAE!"_

"AH!" Chigusa yelled, shielding herself with Maga Alba's body. "No, it can't end like this!-!"

"Oh, no!" Negi gasped. "Diverge!" he added quickly, making the arrows fly out of their intended original path, impacting on the nearby walls and floor instead.

Chigusa opened her eyes again. "Huh?" She blinked twice. "Ah, ah, yes, I still have the ultimate trump card." She reached for a dart between the inner folds of her clothes, raising her hand up and going for Konoka's milky throat. "No matter your powers, you can't do anything as long as I still can just sink this into her at the first sign of—"

Before the hand was able to reach its target, however, a bolt of electricity hit it, making her drop the dart, which rolled down the floor until Kuro snapped it under a foot. Chisame, looking unamused as Hell, leveled her scepter at Chigusa now. "Just don't."

"Consider this a favor," Kuro chirped. "What AngelGARd or Twilight Red might do to you if they saw that is too horrible to contemplate."

Chigusa's lips trembled in a mixture of outrage, confusion and refusal to accept defeat. "Why, damn you... You meddling kids! You'll pay for this with your—"

Then she blinked as the floor under them trembled, and the window behind her shattered, most of the pieces just falling down, but a few of them getting sent flying, getting stuck on her monkey suit's back. She shrieked, scrambling out of the way and instinctively shielding her Ojou-sama, her ticket to success, with her own body as Nodoka grabbed Kuro and did the same to her, protected by her thick, heavy clothes.

Negi blinked, astonished. If the woman hadn't been wearing that costume, she'd have been grievously cut herself. Who—?

The wall crumbled down, and through its falling remains passed a gigantic machine with bright red eyes which flashed in all directions. It was imposing. It was towering. It rumbled like an emissary of hell, so loudly the ears of everyone in the vicinity began to ache.

It was bunny shaped.

Chisame's jaw slacked. "Now what the hell...?"

Deathnote sniffed. "Horrible aesthetic design."

Kuro sighed as she switched places with Nodoka, blades raised. "Supervillains… no grasp of economics at ALL!"

A female voice came out of the machine, distorted and amplified, repeating a maddening mantra over and over in English.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late..."

Then the machine guns charged on each side of the mecha opened fire.

"... And so are you!"

* * *

 

**Interlude**

Evangeline frowned up from her PSP, where she was playing the historical strategy game "Ala Rubra Tactics VII" and trying to kill the Arika unit as quickly as possible, at the noise from the hallway. "What the heck is going on out there?" she muttered in annoyance, pausing the game and getting to her feet.

She opened the door to her room, took a look around the hallway and barked, "Boya! Princess! Keep it down, I'm trying to beat the bonus boss on the Istanbul level!"

"S-sorry master!" Negi said as he incapacitated two of the inn's staff as quietly as possible. "We'll try to be quieter…"

Evangeline nodded sharply, muttering a few melodic lines of 'Pale moon' under her breath, and slammed her door shut, getting back to her game.

Chachamaru looked concerned. "Shouldn't we help them?"

"Nah, the Boya enjoys this sort of thing," Evangeline said as she started equipping her party for the boss. "Why don't you think about kittens or something?"

Asuna scowled at Eva's door as she put one staffer in a sleeper hold. "She could have helped… last time I buy her a game for Christmas…"

….

**Victory!**

The mechanical vehicle rose on sturdy rabbit-like legs, spraying fire in all directions. The ammo looked like larger scale versions of the bullets Gretel had been using, but once again, no one was exactly eager to verify their deadliness or lack of it. Negi pushed Chisame with himself out of the line of fire and behind a pole, while Kuro did the same with Psycho Purple.

An unhinged American accented laugh came from the cockpit, distorted through the speakers. "Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!"

"Chisame-san..." Negi said.

"Working on it!" his roommate sweated, putting her sprites to work again. "Just give me two minutes of life and I'll bring that oversized flying can down!"

Seeing her chance, Chigusa's eyes glinted. She hopped on the window's frame and lifted a hand up, tossing an oversized paper charm into the air. "Come forth, Sarutaro-sama, master of skies! Take me along to the heights of untold victories!"

A gigantic monkey with vacant eyes and an extremely long tail materialized in mid-air, floating above Chigusa. "Oh, no, you won't escape!" Sakurazaki roared, dashing from an angle the crazed machine wasn't covering. "ZANGAN—"

She cursed to herself as the gunfire tilted around, now forcing her to dash aside in the absolute last second, interrupting the attack as she changed directions. But that also left Negi's side open, and despite Chisame's cry of warning, the boy took the chance to jump out, sliding below the hovering machine, taking advantage of the fact it apparently couldn't shoot straight down, and rushing to Chigusa's side. "Don't you ever give up?" the woman snarled, reaching up to grab the monkey's tail. "I'm as good as gone! You'll never—"

He gritted his teeth and pushed his staff up, pressing it against her throat. "Exarmatio."

"Ah?" she blinked.

And then the monkey suit exploded from her body. Along with the clothes she had been wearing beneath it, which became only rags floating in the breeze in two seconds. Startled, gasping aloud, her fingers loosened, and she dropped Konoka into Negi's arms below. A split second later, she was too busy clinging back to the flying monkey's tail for dear life to stop him from recoiling with the just rescued captive to an eager AngelGARd's side.

Tsukuyomi perked up in place, her tiny nose twitching. "Sexy Nudity sense, tingling!" she chirped, pushing Setsuna back with two crazed slashes more before happily hopping with expert skill around the bullets, grabbing Hansel by an arm along the way. The boy groaned in pain, since he had been laying on the floor with a bleeding mouth after his just finished skirmish with the Dark Knight.

Batman blinked while seeing the clothes-damaged little assassin jumping so easily around the deafening gunfire, despite having her glasses broken, and obviously near-blind. That barely distracted him, however, and he could easily finish Gretel with a swift uppercut to the jaw.

Chao lifted an eyebrow. "Not terribly mindful of children's rights, huh?"

"Only when they charge at me with deadly weaponry," he tersely said.

"What about when you put them in colorful underwear to go fight armed psychos?" Chao mused again.

"That's not a matter to discuss here or now..."

"Homura!" Chigusa shrieked, trying to cover her crotch with the hand not grabbing the monkey's tail. She was pushing herself with her bare feet off the outside of the wall, trying to fly away as soon as she could. "Abort! Retreat immediately!"

Homura snorted from where she and Akira had basically fallen into a standstill of tossing fire and water attacks that neutered each other around, steam covering their whole surroundings. "Curses! I knew we should have put My Lady in charge of this operation!"

Before Akira could stop her, she jumped around to Gretel's side, picked her up in her arms, and quickly rolled to Chigusa's side with her, blocking access to them with a few well placed and fast acting walls of flames. "What about White Rabbit?"

Chigusa snarled, looking at the bunny vehicle shooting around madly, keeping everyone at bay but also seeming unable to tell friend from foe anymore. "She's fallen way down the rabbit hole. We're better off without her!"

As they all clung to the floating monkey suit, looking like grapes hanging from a branch, Chisame made a brief ecstatic sound. "Eureka! I did it!"

White Rabbit blinked as her battle machine's controls jammed up, and her weapons all locked down into inactivity. "What the—?"

Then her vehicle plummeted like a dead weight, despite her curses and attempts to kick it back into action. "What's wrong with you? Take off again! Take off again! We still have work to do—"

An armored black glove broke through her front window. "Eep!"

And that strong hand pulled her out forcefully, forcing her to stare directly at the narrowed icy eyes of the Batman.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...!"

"They're getting away!" Negi began to mount his staff. "But I can still—!"

Sakurazaki stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "No, Sensei. We already got the Ojou-samas, and the local authorities will arrive soon. A chase now will only draw the wrong kind of attention to everyone..."

"Trust us, this won't be the last time you see them!" Haruna stepped ahead closely followed by Yue, and dusting herself off grandly. "Is everyone okay? Archer-chan? Chao-chan? Chiu-chan?"

"DON'T CALL ME 'CHIU-CHAN'!-!-!"

"Ah, as well as ever, I see..."

….

* * *

 

**Mission: Accomplished!**

"Well," Chisame breathed out, "I guess, since we're apparently playing superhero now, at least we got the most important part of superheroics right."

"What?" Deathnote asked. "The satisfaction of a well done job? The joy of saving innocent lives? The near-sexual thrill of knowing you look darn good in your spiffy clothes while kicking bad guy butt?"

Chisame pointed around them, at all the wreckage of the station, riddled with bullets and full of scorched spots and broken furniture. "The massive damage to public property!" she barked.

"Eh, heh heh heh..." Deathnote laughed weakly. "Yeah, well, it can't be helped at times... We've gotten kinda used to someone setting up a barrier to keep that from happening."

"And who are you anyway?" Chisame now pointed at Akira. "I mean, yeah, I know you introduced yourself as 'Sailor Mercury', but what's your **real** name? I swear you look familiar, but..."

"Ah, eh, well, I—" the Sailor Senshi stuttered, "I'm, I'm only an average student who, um, tries to do well. My name isn't really important."

Chisame blinked. "Socially awkward, awful with excuses, tall, big breasted and tongue tied before a straight question? Asahina-sempai, is that you?"

Akira facefaulted.

Maga Alba, meanwhile, was waking up in her Setsuna's arms. "Ojou-sama! Thank goodness you're all right..."

Konoe smiled slowly. "Setchan, always here for me... Thank you..." She giggled, seeing her cute blush. "You know, this happens every time I visit home. But I don't mind as long as I get thi—"

Sakurazaki seemed to choke on her own saliva.

"Set-chan?" Maga Alba asked.

"N-Nothing! I just swallowed too much smoke generated by Homura!"

Konoe blinked. "Homura-han was here...?"

"Yeah. Luckily, Laughing Boy himself wasn't with her," Haruna said, while drawing a set of clothes for her. "Here, Konoka-chan! These should suffice while Negi-kun brings your card!"

"Who's this 'Laughing Boy'?" Matoi asked them, ignoring, just like everyone else, the panting and exhausted Chamo dragging himself to the site.

"Oh, you'll meet him soon enough," Haruna said. "I warn you, it won't be a pleasant experience, but—"

"I think a full preview isn't really necessary, Deathnote," Valkyrie Black opined.

"Hey, what if he's brought the rest of his girls as well? You know how Shirabe almost killed us!"

"Almost what?-!" Chisame said.

"Deathnote, don't scare them!" Psycho Purple said before moving closer to where Batman was questioning the White Rabbit, open book in hand.

"Too late, I'm already freaking scared!" Chisame said. "No one said we'd be facing a bunch of crazed murderers here!"

"Tch, most of them won't turn out so bad," Haruna waved a hand. "Although Tsukuyomi's a lost cause, but that's obvious enough at first sight..."

"Deathnote, enough!" Yue said. "You may be giving them the wrong idea! We don't know how different things may play here!"

Meanwhile, the local Setsuna eyed the Konoka in her arms with concern. "S-She isn't waking up yet..."

"Give her time," Kuro said. "She's still far weaker than Maga Alba-chan. Her vital signs are okay, so you don't have to worry at all."

Haruna chuckled. "Maybe she only needs a kiss of True Love to wake up...!" she teased playfully.

Setsuna, both of them, shot her a hostile glare.

Negi blinked. "Like a fairy tale? But that'd require a prince's kiss, wouldn't it? Where could we find a prince here?"

The assembled Ala Alba members and Kuro looked at his innocent, stunned face for a moment, then looked at each other, _and then_ shared a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Chisame groaned, only wanting to go home already.

"Nothing," Yue shook her head, faintly amused. "It's only our little private joke..."

* * *

 

**Questions, Questions…**

Psycho Purple walked over to where the Batman had White Rabbit tied up and hanging upside down from the ceiling, her long red hair and fake bunny ears almost touching the floor.

Familiar with the patterns of the Wonderland gang, the caped figure started, "The time has come to talk of many things..."

"Of shoes! And ships! And sealing wax!" the woman continued, almost eagerly.

"Of cabbages and kings..." he went on.

"And why the sea is boiling hot..." she hissed.

"And whether pigs have wings," Batman finished, before grabbing her collar and growling on her face. "Where's Hatter?-!"

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late..." she repeated again, eyes growing very wide. "Off with my head, off with my head, off with my head..."

Nodoka sighed and asked, "What's your name?"

"Eh...?" the henchwoman babbled, even as Nodoka's finger began to trace out a name in the air.

_Lorina Dodson._

"Okay, Lorina," Nodoka exhaled calmly, deciding to drop the honorifics. Most foreigners didn't particularly care for the, and frankly, she wasn't in the mood. "Where are you hiding?"

 _I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!_ was all that appeared on the pages, next to schizophrenic looking doodles of the henchwoman herself with her head on a chopping block, and Chigusa and a short man with a very tall top hat holding axes near her.

Batman tightened his grip on the collar. "She asked you a question."

"Eeep!" White Rabbit whimpered, and blurted out, "Old storage house of the Fujino Corporation, right out the city! But we were going to leave tonight anyway, after grabbing the girl! I don't know where we would go after that, honest! Please don't kill me..."

The whole text was in English, but Nodoka was very good with that language, particularly after studying under Negi. "She's telling the truth."

Batman grunted, releasing the collar and pinning a tiny note with a Bat emblem on it to the Rabbit's chest, who paled even more visibly under her white makeup. "I'm going to need an exact address."

Nodoka tried to decipher the confusing text on the pages now. "It's going to be difficult. Not only does she not know any reference points, nor the streets' names, but she's also so scared she's having problems thinking straight. All she can think of is not wanting to die..." A pause. "But it seems the place is located at the East side of the outskirts. Just do a search through the Fujino Corp warehouses of that area, and you might find some clues left behind."

"Hnh," Batman looked down at the book. "An interesting object."

"Th-Thanks," Miyazaki nodded stiffly.

"Fujino?" Chisame asked. "Like as in Fujino Shizuru, the School Council President? Her family's rich, and she comes from Kyoto. Do you think they own that place?"

"It looks that way, ne?" Chao asked back. "But I'm sure Shizuru-sempai herself is innocent. I know her well..."

"That's reassuring," Chisame snarked, while nearly all of Ala Alba have her dirty, looks, suspicion not so much crossing their faces as running across it screaming at the top of its lungs, wearing a sandwich board and waving a sign all saying "WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU FILTHY TIME-TRAVELING LIAR!", but any further words on the subject were interrupted when the local Konoka began stirring and opening her eyes in Setsuna's arms.

* * *

 

**Taiho Shizauho!**

"Setchan...?"

"I'm right here, Ojou-sama," she said in the softest voice she could manage.

Konoka's eyes didn't open all the way, and her vision was blurry and shaky, but the tearful smile on Setsuna's face was clearly visible to her, and it made her smile weakly in turn. She reached up with a hand that felt as heavy as the whole world, touching her pale cheek with cold fingers. "Why are you crying, Setchan...?"

"My face is wet, that's all, Ojou-sama," she replied, sniffing new tears back.

"Ah," Konoka seemed to find no need to know why they were sopping wet. Or even why she was naked. "I don't like it when you call me Ojou-sama, but you've smiled to me for the first time in years, so that makes up for it..." Her lips smacked sleepily. "Who's there?" She tried to look around. "Negi-kun?"

"I'm right here, Konoka-san!" the tiny teacher moved close quickly, followed by a reluctant Chisame and Chao. "H-How are you feeling?"

"Ah, Negi-kun..." Konoka seemed too out to it to answer correctly. "What a pretty dress, Chisame-chan... Why are you wearing only a robe, Chao-chan?" There was a yawn. "Is this a costume party? That girl over there looks like Honya-chan..."

"Calm down, Ojou-sama," Setsuna begged. "Don't strain yourself..."

Konoka looked up at her again. "Setchan, Yomi-chan was here, wasn't she? I saw her right before... before..."

"Shhhh," Setsuna said very tenderly. "It's okay. We'll talk about it later..."

"Mm-kayyy..." she nuzzled her head against Setsuna's flat chest. "Where's Asuna-chan? I wanted to ask her... about..." Then exhaustion claimed her again, and she began making tiny sleeping sounds.

"Looks like she'll take a while longer to recover completely, unless..." Kuro looked at the now-dressed Maga Alba.

Konoe nodded. "I'll heal her, of course! But maybe we should get her to the Inn first? We'll set her on her futon and then I'll heal her up, so she doesn't wake up here and start asking questions."

"It's only a matter of short time before she learns, why bother?" Haruna mumbled, looking aside.

"Remember, the less we change, the better," Yue lectured.

"I think it's a bit too late for that..." Haruna's gaze rolled towards Chao, who was looking up and down at them.

"Hey, where's that Batman guy?" Chisame asked all of a sudden, looking in all directions only to find no sign of him.

"He was here only a moment ago..." Nodoka blinked.

"Yeah, Green Lantern-chan said that's pretty much his trademark shtick, isn't it?" Paru asked. "By the way, we'd better get out of here now, too. I think those are police cars coming in..."

Chisame sighed at the sounds of the patrols. "Like in any two bit action movie, the police only comes _after_ the bad guys are defeated, huh? Why do I get the feeling things are like that for you guys all the time?" she grumbled, grabbing Negi by a hand and beginning to drag him with her the opposite way.

"Well, if police could handle everything, then we wouldn't even have to do this whole Magical Girl business," Yue began leaving as well. "For what its worth, the magical authorities are better at helping. At least when they feel like their secrecy isn't at risk. It helps we have political leverage."

"They can't even wipe their butts without us," Haruna snorted, as Nodoka contacted Erebus with her card and told him they were okay. "And to think they once had the gall to consider mind wiping us after everything we did for them!"

White Rabbit sobbed to herself as she saw them leaving. "Late, late, late, late..."

Then a few flashlights fell on her. Two policewomen, one tall and thin with black hair, and the other one shorter but with a more athletic build and short brown hair were the first ones to appear into her view, training guns on her.

"What's this? One of those American clowns from Central City?" the brown haired one sneered.

"Actually, it looks like a Gotham one, Natsumi," the other woman said with an air of serenity. "Despite the makeup, it looks like she fits the description of the woman who attacked Nakajima-kun at the station."

"Well, she'd have to be, Miyuki," Tsujimoto Natsumi said. "I mean, how many other costumed weirdos can there be in this peaceful, normal city?"

_Somewhere in their run back, the whole of Ala Alba and Chisame sneezed._

_"You'll need a hot bath as soon as we get back, or you'll catch a cold..." Chao noted._

"Strike-Man doesn't count?" Kobayakawa Miyuki asked slyly.

"Don't remind me about that wacko vigilante!" Natsumi growled before grinning an aiming the gun between White Rabbit's eyes. "Okay, sister, let's do it the American way then! You have the right to stay silent like a good bunny rabbit, yadda yadda, the whole nine yards! You're Under Arrest!"

Miyuki blinked. "Is that a Batman note on her chest...?"

….

….

**The Time-Traveling Bitch**

As everyone turned to head back to the inn, Kuro saw a flash out of the corner of her eye. She turned, frowning as she scanned the horizon. What was…?

The flash occurred again, a small, bright flicker of light from the peak of a distant building. Her frown deepened. The flash was too small and irregular to be a building's light, but to visible and consistent to be the same. As a test, she moved a few yards to the side and lost sight of the light.

A few moments later, it flickered back into view. Well. It was obviously being directed at her. As she watched, it stopped, and began a regular passing. It took her a while to decipher the morse code. E. M. I. Y. A.

"Archer?" Deathnote called, and Kuro blinked, redirecting her gaze. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Kuro said. She eyed the flashes. "You guys go on ahead. I've got somewhere to be."

Chisame blinked at her. "Where do you have to be at _this_ hour of the night?"

"Red light district," Kuro chirped instantly. "I need a recharge, and the _really_ amoral hookers should be out around now."

"Get three or four so you're filled up right," Deathnote chirped.

Negi blinked. "What?"

" ** _DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!_** " everyone else chorused.

Kuro grinned widely. "Well, gotta go. I'll try to be back before morning. Toodles!" She jumped into the night.

"Wait!" Sailor Mercury cried. "What about my explan—"

Deathnote put a hand on her shoulder. "Eh, she'll be back. Come on, I'll draw you a pumpkin carriage to ride in…"

Kuro tried to keep her Reinforcement as efficient as possible. The fight hadn't used up a lot of prana, but she wasn't as sure to get recharged now, and despite how much power Asuna and Konoka had, the power transfer wasn't as efficient with Asuna as it was with Illya, and Setsuna would murder her if she drained Konoka.

As she reached the building she was aiming for, she paused, powering down as she landed on the fire escape. It wasn't a very tall building, and she slowly climbed the metal stairs, conserving her energy.

She pulled herself over the top of the roof access ladder, and extended her senses, letting her instincts— or rather, the instincts of the Heroic Spirit whose power and skills she had— make out the place. She felt a presence, saw the person waiting for her as she turned to look.

"Busy night?" they said, crossing their arms and gazing out over the dark city. "Your speedster seems to have knocked out the power grid when she tore out that pole."

"Actually, Matoi-chan is a stalker," Kuro breezily corrected. "She's just REALLY motivated by love."

They blinked. "Matoi? Wh— no, never mind. How are you guys coming along?"

Kuro have her a flat look. "Did you set this up?"

They snorted. "This unholy mess? Of course not. If I set it up, you'd never notice unless I told you."

"You showed up at our castle with a name tag of your real name to deliver Archer-niisama's will," Kuro said, voice still flat. " _And_ his costume."

"Exactly!" Chao Lingshen chirped. "If I hadn't, Ala Alba would never have known I had anything with the Book of Darkness."

"And this is why Asuna calls you a bitch," Kuro said, moving out of the wind. "It's a real pain being your agent."

"Now, now," Chao said. "Everything is going to plan…"

Kuro twitched. "I hate it when you say that…"

* * *

 

**With The Librarians**

Akira found the upholstery of the pumpkin carriage to be very comfortable. It was orange, plush, and there was also plenty of legroom. It actually kinda reminded her of a limo.

"A pumpkin?-!" Valkyrie Black was saying to Deathnote. "REALLY?-! A pumpkin! What, there wasn't anything MORE ostentatious, like a BATMOBILE?"

Deathnote— Haruna, Akira was increasingly certain— just laughed it off. "Oh, relax Valkyrie-chi! It'a not like anyone's going to give a damn. What are they going to do, arrest us for riding produce?"

"Subtlety is a non-existent concept for you, isn't it?" Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes and flouncing onto her seat.

Psycho Purple let out a small laugh that Akira couldn't help joining. As she stifled the reaction, she caught Valkyrie-almost-certainly-Yue looking at her, and gave an embarrassed smile.

Psycho Purple coughed. "Um… she said hesitantly. "I guess we have things to talk about…"

Akira blinked, then remembered. "Shouldn't we wait for… Kuro-san?"

Deathnote waved a negligent hand. "Nah, she's got some kinda vow of mysteriousness going on. She's inconsistent about giving straight answers."

"Oh… I see…" Akira said. What else was there to say?

As Akira wondered how to lead the conversation, Valkyrie reached up and took off her helmet, shaking her hair free. It was bright orange, and woven into a multitude of braids, making Akira blink in confusion. Valkyrie wore a mask beneath the helmet, and Akira briefly wondered if she'd accused too quickly. The face behind the mask seemed too different, and Yue would never wear her hair like that. Then the girl took off the domino mask, and suddenly it was Yue, face subtly sharper, slightly older, but definitely her, despite the bright orange hair.

As Akira stared, Yue calmly folded her hands over the helmet on her lap and said, "Well… I suppose we need to make some things clear for Sailor Mercury-san, or things might be a little awkward."

"Y-Yue?" Akira stuttered. "When did you dye your hair?"

"That's just it," Yue said. "I'm not Yue. Or at least, not the Yue you think…"

"Ah, I believe we've stumbled onto the part of that doesn't make sense to normal people," Deathnote said, taking of her gaudy, egregiously (DRINK!) ostentatious mask, and suddenly she was Haruna, her hair bright pink, face subtly different, breasts a little larger. She grinned at Akira, twirling her feather quill in her hand. "You'd think we'd practice doing this, but we're usually too busy."

A dark suspicion began to whisper at Akira, a whisper that had green hair and wielded a magic crow bar…

Psycho Purple pulled back her cat-eared hood, and her face became Nodoka's as she took off _her_ mask, and Akira wondered what was with those masks. She concentrated, but only felt a mild tingle from them. Magic then, but not too powerful.

Nodoka smiled shyly at Akira, her hair longer and more blue than purple. One hand lay on top of the strange book she'd been carrying all night, fingers curled, that strange piece of jewelry she wore tapping on the cover. "Um, well, the truth is that… that…" She shuffled uncomfortably.

"What is it?" Akira said, growing slightly impatient. You'd think a girl who would charge the leader of some kind of evil organization with nothing but a small knife would be more assertive but then again, it _was_ Nodoka… "Are you secret twins? Clones? Doubles from another dimension?"

The three librarians blinked. "Wow," Haruna said. "Right on the third try!"

Akira stared at Haruna, then slumped back on her seat, her head banging on the wall of the pumpkin. Repeatedly.

Yue nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I feel like that a lot too."

"How did this happen?" Akira asked, once she'd finished.

Nodoka and Yue exchanged a look, but Haruna didn't even do that. "Well, you see, we and a couple of our classmates were sorta caught in the blast radius of one of Hakase's experiments that went horribly wrong—"

"Of course," Akira said.

"— and we ended up here. We somehow met the local Negi-sensei, and he somehow talked his roommates to let us stay over in exchange for Hakase getting to look at Chachamaru—"

"Chachamaru?" Akira frowned. Yue and Nodoka exchanged more glances.

"Oh, in our world Chachamau is a Martian combat robot who somehow managed to overcome her programming to take over the world," Haruna said easily. "Anyway, Negi-sensei is putting us up, but then Tsunetsuki-san found out because she was snooping around—"

"Of course," Akira said.

"And has since fallen in love with our Chisame— you saw her back in the fight just now— and has been angling for a threesome with her and your Chisame. Anyway, our Evangeline— who ended up here too— is being possessed by some kind of weird singing spirit and the only cure for her is here in Kyoto. So we kinda left your Eva tied up back in Mahora and our Eva took her place on the class trip," Haruna kept on explaining, face perfectly straight. "The rest of us joined the trip using pills that made us look younger that we really were…"

Akira snapped her fingers. "The hair! You're Sawa-chan!" She blinked, then looked disgusted. "Oh, that's just CREEPY!"

"It's Haruna, what do you expect," Yue said.

"And that's why we're not who you think we are," Haruna finished.

Akira frowned. "Then, the other children…"

"Us," Haruna said. "No one cares what children do. It's the perfect cover."

Akira looked at the car ahead, where Chisame, the Konokas, and everyone else has ridden. "And Negi-sensei?" she asked.

"Ours," Hauma said, face not changing. "Your world's sensei is still asleep and knows nothing of what happened. Ditto for your Chisame. She switched with ours because she won the coin toss to see who had to deal with Matoi-chan."

As Akira nodded in comprehension, Yue and Nodoka stared at Haruna, awestruck.

"So," Haruna chirped as Akira finished nodding. "Who are _you_?"

"Who... Who am I?" Akira gulped and tapped her fingers on her knees. "Well, like I said before, my name's really not important..."

The other girls only kept looking at her.

"I'm just a normal person. You probably don't even know me..."

"You know _us_ , and our real identities aren't exactly superstars," Yue said.

"Out of Ariadne and the Yaoi doujin circles," Haruna supplied.

"Well, yeah, out of those," Yue conceded. "So that must mean you're a student of 3-A."

Akira feigned a laugh. "M-My, that's quite a big assumption, isn't it? I could also be... could be... a teacher?" she offered lamely.

The girls kept staring at her.

Mercury nearly whimpered. "Please don't force me. Seriously, I'd tell you if the secret was only mine, but if I tell you my identity, you could guess Sailor Venus' as well, and she'd never forgive me..."

"Huh, you're loyal," Haruna said.

"That doesn't narrow it a lot," Yue pondered.

"You talk too much to be Zazie-chan, too little to be me. Too tall to be Nodo-chan, Yue-chan or the twins. Logically not Chachamaru, Eva or—" Haruna rubbed her chin on circles.

Seeing a repeat of Kuro's deduction coming up, Akira motioned for her to stop. "Please, no. At least not in my presence," she begged.

Deathnote rolled her eyes. "Fine! Have it your way. But it's a bad move, you know! Magical Girls should stay united, never keeping key juicy secrets from each other!"

Akira apologized with a bow. "Please allow me to consult it with my superior first. It'd be rude for me to act otherwise."

Nodoka spoke next. "Th-Then Venus-san is the only active Sailor Senshi other than you?"

Akira nodded. "How many other Sailor Senshi do you know?"

"Well, in our world, Venus-chan was the first one to awaken, yeah," Haruna reminisced. "Then there was Sailor Moon, and the local Mercury-chan. After that came Mars-chan, Jupiter-chan, Chibi Moon-chan, Neptune-san, Uranus-san. And Pluto-san, although apparently she was active behind the scenes since... I dunno, the beginning of civilization? It's so hard to tell with her. Then they were joined by Saturn-san. Then a few months ago, Sailor Krypton shows up. Yes, THAT Krypton. Nice girl, good taste in Yaoi manga. "

"Wait, exactly how many do those make?-!" Mercury gasped hard.

"Honestly, I'm not sure," Haruna confessed. "I heard there's one for every celestial body in the Milky Way Galaxy, and possibly others, though except for the Solar System ones, most were killed during the past ten thousand years or so, and the rest were brainwashed by evil forces and fought the Solar System Senshi a couple of years ago, before the time our Negi-sensei came to our school. But don't fret yet, that won't happen until after you reach several power ups..."

Akira slumped down on her seat. "I feel ill."

"Still too new in the business, aren't you?" Paru smirked. "You'll get used to it eventually! You should be proud! As one of the first Mahou Shoujo in this world, you'll become a role model and sempai for generations of Magical Girls all across the globe!"

Akira's mind boggled. "This... This is too much for me!"

Nodoka patted her right shoulder sympathetically. "We'll help you as much as we can. It must be hard, coming into this almost on your own, with only one teammate so far..."

Mercury sighed. "Well, actually, I have teamed up with other Magical Girls before. I'll admit you aren't the first people from another universe I've met."

"Eh?-!" the three librarians chorused.

"Around week and a half ago, I was accidentally transported to another world where I teamed up with Joker-chan, Luthor-chan, Batgirl-chan, Freeze-chan, Riddler-chan and Clayface-chan..."

Yue, Nodoka and Haruna choked on their saliva.

"And then, Venus-san and I also teamed up with that ghost hunting girl with the sword, and the talking superhero duck, Vigilante-san, but of course, it isn't the same thing..." Ookuchi mused.

"Joker?" Nodoka blinked.

"Duck?" Yue wondered.

Haruna looked at Valkyrie Black. "Haven't you studied with dog girls, cat girls, sheep girls and fought dragon girls, elf girls and Lifemaker girls? And don't we know a talking ermine, Yuuno-kun, Arf-chan, Zafira-kun and Kero-chan? And Luna and Artemis? Plus a talking book, and two talking transformation trinkets. Is a talking duck really _that_ shocking? Now, the Joker as a force of good, I'll grant you that, but the duck?"

Yue shrugged. "I feel more at ease accepting talking mammals than birds, I suppose. Other than Set— Never mind," she amended quickly, making Akira wonder.

"That's discriminatory against birds!" Haruna began, but then the pumpkin carriage stopped at a prudent distance from the Inn, behind some concealing trees. They had made it back.

….

**Interlude- Poyo**

Sitting on the Inn's roof, completely alone, the dark skinned girl waited in a light sleeping robe, her feet bare. She made no sound at all, only juggling her colorful balls and looking at them with a deeply neutral, yet somewhat melancholic expression.

Finally, she judged the time was right, and she stopped juggling, expertly catching the balls one by one, setting them aside, and pulling out a cellphone. She made a call.

"How did it go-poyo?"

There were several fast and angry complaints and random frustrated exclamations from the other end of the line.

"I see-poyo," she calmly said. "Nothing we can do about it now. I suggest sending Inugami-kun to scan the area tomorrow-poyo. Yes. No. No, only him. A group is more likely to attract unwanted attention-poyo."

She listened carefully to the rest of the woman's rant, cutting it up with a few soft words accompanied by a single nod.

"Yes, I'll do it. I'll dispose of all the mind control devices. Don't worry, no one will find them-poyo."

After wordlessly listening to a few rushed apologies, the light haired girl cut the call short and looked into the horizon. She could barely make out two vehicles— she blinked. Was that a _pumpkin_?— approaching from afar. Now, she had to dispose of all the evidence left behind or the ones left inside the inn could get hold of it.

She wasn't worried. She was very fast when she actually wanted to be.

And all the pieces were falling exactly where she wanted them to.

With a single acrobatic jump, she hopped down and through the same open window she had used to go out minutes ago.

She had work to do.

* * *

 

**Back At The Inn**

The vehicles ground to a stop a block from the inn, and as the librarians got out of their ride, putting their masks back on, Yue whispered to Sailor Mercury, "Go around the other side of the inn. We'll try to keep everyone occupied on the near side as long as possible so you can sneak back inside."

Sailor Mercury blinked, then nodded gratefully, turning and leaping back into the night.

As she moved out of sight, Haruna hummed and turned to Nodoka. "I don't suppose you got her name? I remember you saying that knowing she was called Sailor Mercury was enough to read her mind."

Nodoka shook her head. "That would be impolite," Nodoka said, smiling slightly. "We're all Magical Girls, after all. There's such a thing as professional courtesy.

Haruna pouted, but there was an approving light in her eyes. "Well, we can always figure it out later."

They joined the others, and Chisame frowned at them as walked up. "Hey, where'd that Sailor Mercury girl go?"

Haruna made a big, theatrical blink, and looked owlishly behind. "Hey! She's gone! Darn it, she was right there a moment ago! You take your eyes away for one second…"

Setsuna frowned, an expression that lost some of its intimidation value when you consider she was carrying a sleeping Konoka bridal style as said Konoka nuzzled her shoulder. "How could you let her escape?-!

"Hey, it's not like she was a prisoner," Haruna said easily. "She was free to leave whenever she wanted."

Setsuna's frown deepened. "I find it suspicious that she would so conveniently appear out of nowhere to assist us in rescuing Ojou-sama."

"Really? Magical Girls conveniently popping up out of nowhere to conveniently help save people is practically an everyday occurrence for us," Yue said, bland faced.

Chisame's eyebrow twitched. "Your world is insane," she said flatly.

"Pot, kettle," Haruna said cheerfully.

Matoi was instantly at Chisame's side, bristling on her behalf. "Are you calling my beautifully sexy, perfectly figured Chisame-sama fat as a pot?-!-?-!-?" she demanded belligerently.

"Now, now girls," Negi said, now thankfully clad in some clothes Haruna had (reluctantly) drawn up. "Let's not fight each other…"

Chisame elbowed Matoi lightly. "Please keep out of this," she told the stalker.

"Never!" Matoi declared, loudly enough to make people shush her. "Though I have sinned and been felled low by strong drink, I vow from this day forth that I shall always be by Chisame-sama's side to protect her sexy, luscious body! Ah! To think I was almost unable to save Chisame-sama! What if you had died!-?-!-?-! I would never have been able to live it down! If anything had happened to Chisame-sama, I'd have been in despair! Chisame-sama getting hurt would have left me in despair!"

"Huh, been some time since someone stole Itoshiki-sensei's catchphrase," Chamo commented, for once not getting left behind.

 _In Okinawa, Itoshiki, who along with his class and the staff of the inn they were staying at had been kidnapped by undead pirates wearing straw hats, dutifully sneezed_.

Chisame covered her face in embarrassment. "What did I do to deserve this?" she moaned.

"Maybe you stole someone's main character status or something," Chao semi-lampshaded.

Ala Alba, to a woman, have her a flat look.

Haruna dispersed the pumpkin and stretchlimo-towtruck— don't ask— they'd ridden on as they began walking towards the inn. "So, Chao-san, this must all be a big surprise for you. I mean, your teacher is a Mage and your classmate is a magical girl and an ermine talks…" Haruna said brightly. "And suddenly it turns out Magical Girls are real… it must be a lot for a perfectly normal girl like you to take in."

"Hah ha!" Chao laughed rubbing the back of her head. "Well, I'll admit it was really unexpected. Who would have thought all this was hiding under my nose?"

AngelGARd gave her a flat look behind her back. Next to her Maga Alba was using her innocent look to its fullest. Chisame frowned, wondering why Haruna was being so talkative. Well, at least it was a change from Matoi vowing left and right.

"Well," Deathnote went on, "I can see why you'd be oblivious to it. After all, you belong to so many clubs, and have so many duties to cover, it must be near impossible for you to take notice of everything that happens around your classroom, no matter how well you manage your **time**!"

"Ah ha ha! Well, yeah, I suppose that's right!" Chao never dropped the facade. "I'm no Satomi-chan, but I guess I can be very oblivious to my surroundings at times! It's a scientist thing, ne?"

Paru patted her back. "Don't worry! That doesn't detract at all from how smart you are! I'm sure your genius will be **world changing** someday!"

"Hopefully in the right way," Yue couldn't help but joining in with a mutter.

Chao smiled back at Deathnote. "Well, thank you for the kind words, Haruna-chan!"

Paru grimaced involuntary, as if a bee had just stung her.

For an answer, Chao smiled and waved a hand in circles. "The right size, the right voice despite your attempts to disguise it, the right hair length despite the color, the presence of a manga work based magical artifact, the mannerisms, the bright eyes that shine even more at the right stimuli... Oh my, don't tell me I got it right!" she said innocently. "It was only a longshot guess...!"

Haruna gritted her teeth, but said nothing. Nodoka and Yue shared a jaded sigh. Chisame didn't hold a satisfied tiny smirk. Seeing Haruna burnt like that was worth even watching Chao flexing off her smug superiority around.

As they neared the inn, they saw its lights had dimmed for the night. Two figures stood silhouetted against it, one small, one tall.

"About time you guys got back," a masked and loligothed Twilight Red said, her harisen resting on one shoulder. She swept her gaze and stopped cold when she saw Chao, one corner of her mouth curling up into a snarl. Her harisen suddenly flashed into a sword. "You! You t—"

The smaller figure, for once demonstrating prudence, kicked her in the ankle.

She yelped, hopping on one foot. "Hey! What was that for?"

"Oh, sorry Twilight Red," the smaller figure said innocently in a soft, feminine, Rita Sato-esque voice. "My foot slipped. Is everyone all right?"

"We're fine," Negi answered , voice starting to sound slightly weary. "We managed to get Konoka-san back. And, um, Maga Alba as well."

Chisame stomped forward and thrust her face at the smaller figure's. "You've got some explaining to do," she nearly growled.

The smaller figure visibly gulped. "Um, yes. But come inside first. We managed to take down the inn's staff quietly, so no one will see us."

Chisame scowled, but allowed themselves to be led. As they entered the inn, the smaller figure, mask almost unnecessary because of their long, Rapunzel-like hair, frowned.

"Something wrong?" Negi asked.

"I'm not sure…" the other said. They knelt down to one of the unconscious figures. "Twilight, weren't they all wearing hats?"

"Most of them had only bands with chips around their heads, but yeah," Twilight Red nodded. "If they were stolen when we weren't watching, then those guys must have an accomplice inside the inn, and it's someone fast," she said, with insight Chisame would have never expected from Asuna.

"That's worrying," Negi rubbed his chin up and down. "Then again, maybe it was someone using an invisibility spell, or they had a spell on them to make them disappear after a while."

"There are spells like that? Really?" Chisame wondered.

"Our Natsumi has an Artifact like that," Yue murmured.

Chisame stared. "No normal person is safe, are they?"

"The train station's staff had the chips forcefully attached to their heads instead," Chao mused. "Makes sense if we consider they must have had a lot more time to set things up there, from what we observed. Maybe Batman-san could have explained things better, since he seemed familiar with that M.O., but since he left so fast..."

"Batman was there with you?-!" Erebus and Twilight chorused.

"Yeah, I guess he found the time to take a vacation from punching bank robbers in Gotham to come here to make our lives even more abnormal," Chisame replied sourly.

"It's a well-known fact superheroes don't take vacations. Rather, they can't," Deathnote observed. "Vacations won't allow themselves to be taken. The Fourth Corollary of Superhero Regulations, Article 52, states at least one supervillain must be waiting at the selected vacation place of any superhero!"

"Superman-sama calls it the Vacation Law," Erebus said helpfully.

"Now you aren't even making any sense with the jokes!" Chisame snapped.

"Actually, she's perfectly serious for once," Yue said.

Nodoka, Erebus and Twilight all nodded in agreement.

Negi and Matoi blinked, and Chisame's face gained a distinctive purplish tone. "I don't want to live in this world anymore."

Chao stretched and yawned. "Well, I suppose we'll have to figure this out tomorrow, ne? I'm dead tired, and Satchan must be sick worried about me..."

"That's right," Negi said. "The others, not to mention my colleagues, will notice we're missing if we spend too much longer out of our rooms. But I think we should at least alert the rest of my Ministra before resting. Odds are we won't have enough time to move apart and talk in length tomorrow..."

….

After being rounded up late at night, with a killer hangover, and all but dragged to Erebus and Negi's room, Misa wasn't exactly happy to sit there and listen to anyone's story about anything, complaining about the fact it surely could wait until the next day. But as the narration went on, she quickly found herself too shocked to argue anymore.

Judging from the looks on the faces of Sakurako, Misora and Asuna, they felt the same way. Hakase only looked coldly interested.

"No way!" Asuna finally yelled once they got to the part where Ala Alba and the others returned to the Inn. "And you really let those bastards go?-! What if they try taking Konoka again?-!"

"Well, while I share your eagerness to see them brought to justice, pursuing them through the city would have been far too risky," Sakurazaki told her. "And besides, even if we caught them, odds are they are only the tip of the iceberg. In our world, there were... several more of them."

"Still, it'd have been a start!" Asuna argued. "I don't know, you could be reading that ringleader woman's mind right now and learning where everyone else is!" she told Psycho Purple.

"Please be patient, Kagurazaka-san," Erebus tried to calm her down. He had forgotten how abrasive Asuna had been back when they had only just met. "Trust me, there'll be many chances for that later..."

"Hopefully not tonight!" Asuna growled and tightened a fist. "For all we know they're trying again while we sit here chattering!"

"We left Konoka-san with Twilight Red, and trust us, she's more than capable of protecting her," Erebus said. "Deathnote, Setsuna-san and Valkyrie Black are patrolling the surroundings, and nothing will escape their vigilance now they're on the lookout. Besides, the enemies will need time to regroup and try again."

"What do those other enemies you faced look like, Erebus-kun?" Sakurako asked.

"Errr, well..." the boy grew unsure on if he should reveal that much or not. He noticed the way the locals looked at him for answers, even his counterpart, and gulped. "L-Look, I don't want to give you any ideas or notions that might prove becoming wrong later on. W-We ended up befriending some of those... adversaries sooner or later. Maybe you'll do the same thing, maybe not. Promise no matter what you learn from us, you won't lower your guard, but you won't be too quick to judge either..."

"JUST TELL US WHO ARE THOSE BASTARDS ALREADY!" Asuna growled.

"Shhhh!" Misa hushed her. "Wake the whole Inn up, will you? I know Konoka's your best friend, but try taking it in stride!"

"I'd like to see you in my shoes!" Asuna fumed, clenching her fists. "The nerve of those people! That's it, from now on, I'll never leave Konoka's side! No matter what! And anything who messes with her gets a harisen enema!"

Even Sakurazaki was impressed. "That is... a very commendable attitude, Him— Asuna-san," she corrected herself quickly.

Maga Alba smiled. "No matter where, Asuna-chan will always be there for me or other-me!"

_Konoka turned around in her futon. "Mmmm... Asuna-chan...?"_

_Sitting next to the futon, face mostly hidden by the room's darkness, Twilight Red asked in her best attempt to sound two years younger and naiver, "Yeah, Konoka-chan?"_

_"I think I had the weirdest nightmare... You were there, and Setchan, and a girl I used to—"_

_Twilight made a smooth comforting gesture. "There, there. Tell me tomorrow, fine? You look like you really need to sleep."_

_"Unhhh, I guess so..." Konoka agreed, quickly falling back into slumber, making cute tiny sounds._

"Question!" Satomi raised a hand.

"Yes, Hakase-san?" Negi asked.

"Did you happen to save at least one piece of that flying machine that attacked you?"

Asuna clenched her teeth. "Even now, are gizmos all you can freaking think about?"

Someone threw a pillow at her

An annoyed-looking Calculator stood at the door. "Keep it down, will you? Some of us are trying to sleep…" She turned and headed back to their room.

"Hey Kuro," she greeted the dark-skinned girl climbing in through a window. "G'night."

"Hey," Kuro said, heading back to her own room where Sora was still hopefully magically unconscious. "'night!"

* * *

 

**Your Morning Dose of Fanservice!**

The next morning, at the inn's open air baths, a naked Ayaka sat down in the relaxing hot water, rubbing at her throbbing head (no, not THAT one!) and complaining. "Ohhhh… It looks like this headache will never go away…"

…

Seriously, NOT THAT ONE! The one on her shoulders!

A chuckling Kazumi, sitting at her right, shifted around to offer her a small cup of sake, big breasts swinging softly. "Drink this, Iincho! To get over a hangover, you need to drink just a little the morning after!"

Ayaka accepted the cup dubiously. "Where did you get this?"

"Well, Kaede and me saved a bit from the springs…" the reporter admitted.

Makie slumped down on her stomach on the bath's edge, her legs submerged and her butt pointing up. "They tell me I kissed Negi-kun, but as much as I try, I don't remember it…!" she whined.

Sitting between Asakura and Chizuru, a mortified Natsumi looked down at her own small chest. _They're so huge, simply so huge… Like college students, at least… or porn stars…_

Chizuru smiled and patted her on the shoulder, her huge breasts bouncing as she moved her arm. Natsumi's self-esteem issues grew. "Ara ara, Natsumi-chan. Are you still feeling sick? I still have unused leeks left…"

At the memory of last night's remedies, Ayaka, Natsumi and Makie all shuddered.

"No! No, I'm feeling very well! It's just I'm worrying about… how my family's doing!" Natsumi excused herself.

Makie rubbed her cheek against the bath's floor. "Why I can remember everything about _that_ treatment, but not my kiss with Negi-kun…?"

* * *

 

**Pale Moon over Kyoto**

_"Pa-le moon, pa-a-a-le moon… cleanses the sinful and makes them anew…"_

There was a weight on Negi's chest. And singing was sort of a clue too. Slowly, Negi Springfield opened his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the local him was still sleeping, eyes clenched right and shaking, muttering about his father. A part of him winced in sympathy. He remembered those dreams…

All this was secondary, however, to the fact a blonde vampire was sitting on his chest again, one hand idly playing with his trailing hair. Thankfully, she was clothed this time, her frilly pink nightly pajamas covering her significantly more than her hair.

"Blood of Mars," she said, voice slightly dreamy. "You have come… I feel my host near me… seek me, blood of Mars… seek me…"

"Ah…" Negi said softly. "I was wondering when I should do something about this…"

She smiled, obviously out of it, and Negi realized her hard had been moving closer to his as she spoke, her hair a curtain that was slowly dragging up his chest. "My host… be one… be one with my host… she dreams of you… fill her…"

"Uh, what?" Negi said.

Their lips crept closer…

And a hair tickled Negi's nose.

 _"AH-_ ** _CHOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!_** "

"Eh? Where am I? Boya, what are you doing down there… don't let your nose drop blood like that, it's a waste of good food! And why am I naked? Are you FINALLY—!"

The door slid open, revealing Chachamaru and Asuna.

"Told you so," Asuna said. "Eva-chan, put some clothes on!"

It was another perfectly normal day…

* * *

 

**Interlude: The Best Side of You.**

A beautiful early morning in Kyoto. Birds chirping on the trees, children getting up for school, salarymen squeezing themselves into the trains for their offices, voices in your head called out your name, the whole usual nine yards.

In a way, it was much like America: But behind the nice suburbs and the Norman Rockwell-esque stylings, behind the children eating breakfast and the wives kissing their husbands goodbye for the whole day, there was the world Joker liked best. The real world, with the corporate stress, backstabbing in the workplace, the children abused in secret and the wives and husbands cheating on each other. Who wanted to read or watch anything about a perfect world where everyone is nice and the sun always shines, anyway? That was such a bore.

_In Mundus Magicus, the ponies of Equestria sneezed._

With those deep, complex thoughts bubbling in his head along with half-cooked dreams and plans of dead Robins and happy genocide, the Joker woke up that morning, yawning in disrespectful greeting of the new day. He stretched his arms up, not really noticing they looked more slender and thin today, and got up, feeling his body lighter and younger, revitalized and energetic as he scratched his pasty white ass. Ah, the wonders of some fresh non-Gotham air, and the joys of becoming a single father! Truly, they had made him a new man!

God, he couldn't wait to match Bats again. This life abroad was so dull, it was driving him sane. Couldn't have any of that, no siree.

Whistling the Joker theme from _Batman: The Animated Series_ to himself, he grabbed a towel and walked for the bathroom of the Cinema Town-located hideout house.

"Get up and shine, Boys…!" he sing-sang, rapping with a bath brush on his henchmen's doors as he passed by them. He took a hand to his throat and rasped. Good Golly impaled in a Bloody Stick, he had sounded like Harley's mother. That was it, he was watching too much girly anime here. He'd have to switch to something manlier, like _Berserk_. Or that _Demonic Cannon Girl Musical Something-or-Other_ show he had heard so many good comments about. Apparently, the protagonist was gutted with her own magical weapon in Episode 22! He would have to check it out…

Then he peeked into Ruri's room. As usual, the girl slept lying cutely on her side, her laptop still open next to her pillow, and her right arm still handcuffed at the bed's head. Joker couldn't help but cooing at the large red marks the child had in her wrist, all around the handcuff. His little girl was a real fighter! He could see her in his mind's eye, struggling to pull free and try to make an escape attempt, and it was so heartwarming, to imagine her cute suffering at the impossibility of her task…

Mental Note to Self: Install cameras in Ruri-Ruri's room, laugh at the Useless Escape Attempt Show every night. For a moment he pondered placing cameras in the dresser as well, but even evil had standards, right?

…..

Well, it couldn't hurt her if she never learned about it, right?

In any case, he finally entered the bathroom, humming to himself and rubbing the final cobwebs off his sharp green eyes, which starred into the bath mirror's reflection.

Oh, he had become a woman. Well, that explained the girly voice.

He tapped on his, no, her chin with a finger. The features of his, er, her face were still sharp and angular all over, but somewhat softer and more rounded in general now. Fuller lips, slightly longer dark green hair falling in locks all around her face, framing it nicely. The skin tone was still the same, luckily, and while she wasn't a knockout beauty, she had sort of a perverse, sinister older woman appeal to her. Like one of those creepy housekeepers in horror movies.

"Beautiful nightmare," the Joker mused. "But then again, when aren't you?"

God, Japan was weird. Yes, she could learn to like the country.

Then, just to be sure, she touched further down.

"Not very big, but at least bigger than Harley's," she nodded, mostly pleased.

And further down.

"Not a futa? Awww. All those chances of starring with Batman in _that_ kind of fancomics, wasted!" she lamented.

Again, she thought. There was something else missing, besides Lil' Jokey. Ah, ah yes! The proper comedic reaction of a character put in such a demented, illogical development! Not following tradition would be a cardinal sin.

She slammed a fist twice on her chest, carefully readied her new voice for the best effect, opened her mouth, drew air in, and finally let out a house-shaking, ear-shattering, perfectly calculated shriek of shrill feminine terror.

She gave herself an Eight Point Five.

* * *

 

**The Best Laid Plans…**

"Well then, what we do about Konoka?" Chisame asked. "You can just remain out of trouble by simply staying disguised as a child," she told Maga Alba, "but Konoka's going to continue being a target as long as we're here."

"Why don't we just level with her and tell her everything?" Misa groaned. "One more in the know won't make any difference. Let's just make her pass as a Loli too and save ourselves a world of headaches."

"Yeah, and I suppose Takahata and the other teachers will never notice Konoka's gone and a kid is in her place, right?" Chisame snapped at her.

"Konoka-san's family has decided to keep her magical potential a secret. We must honor those wishes and safeguard her ignorance in that regard," Negi pondered.

Satomi scowled. "Are you realizing the stunning hypocritical irony of a teacher advocating ignorance for one of his pupils, Sensei?"

Maga Alba raised her hand. "Speaking as Konoka-san," she said cheerfully, "I vote we tell her! My life's been a lot better since I found out, and Set-chan and I aren't strangers anymore…"

Sakurazaki blushed as Konoka glomped onto her arm affectionately. Matoi grinned brightly at the swordswoman and have her a thumbs up.

"We're not interfering because of that, Konoka-chan," Springfield said. "Regardless of your similarity, we have no right to make such a decision for her. Given the differences we've learned between our worlds, she might be a completely different person."

"Yeah, she might be straight," Haruna said, not all that quietly.

Sakurazaki blushed brighter. Konoka's face betrayed no change, still smiling happily.

Setsuna turned a scandalized glare at Haruna. "Saotome-san! Such slander…!"

Negi blinked. "What does 'straight' mean?"

Chisame was about to snap 'don't think about it!' when Erebus spoke first.

"Well, mou hitori no boku, when Setsuna likes Konoka very much—" he began.

"SENSEI!" both Hanyou shrieked.

He blinked innocently— a bit too _innocently_ — at them as the others the local Ministra stared. "What?"

"He knows… of ALL the things for him to know about…" Misa said.

Chisame glared at Erebus. "Oh _no_ you're not teaching him about that!"

Erebus paused thoughtfully and just said, "Don't think about it."

"Eh?-!" Negi whined. "Not you too!"

Setsuna coughed meaningfully, obviously anxious to get this behind them.

"Er, well, regardless, we'll have to schedule an organized plan so Konoka-san is never without someone at her side protecting her," Negi said. He looked at Erebus for guidance, but the older boy simply gestured as if leaving everything in his hands. "Asuna-san, you'll be near her at almost all times, so you'll be her primary watcher. Setsuna-san will work closely with you, since she knows at least one of the attackers personally and Konoka-san trusts her unconditionally as well."

"You got it!" Asuna nodded.

"Oh, Set-chan can stay with you too!" Konoka said. "They won't notice me, and they won't pay any attention to Set-chan when she's a kid!"

Sakurazaki frowned. "Oujo-sama, are you sure?"

Konoka nodded. "The other me needs your help more. If there are any problems, Negi-kun can just teleport me to him, and there are few places as safe as next to Negi-kun!"

Sakurazaki sighed. "Yes, I suppose that's true…"

Konoka giggled. "Aw, you know you're still my favorite partner!" she said, lightly placing a peck on Sakurazaki's cheek.

Setsuna choked as Sakurazaki bolted upright, red as blood. "Oujo-sama!" they both cried.

Konoka just giggled some more.

Erebus smiled knowingly, and Chisame considered it the most disturbing thing she'd ever seen on his face.

After a while, Sakurazaki sighed, and nodded. "I'll do it."

"Olay then. Thank you, Sakurazaki-san. I'll help Ala Alba with their patrols, but the rest of you," Negi told his Ministra, "would be better remaining as backup for the time being. We can't break up the groups' structure without raising suspicions, and if you're needed at any time, I'll summon you with the cards. In the meanwhile, please try to enjoy the trip. Chisame-san, I trust you to keep Sora-san out of this whole affair."

"Don't worry too much," Chisame said. "She's actually sharper than she looks, but at the end of the day, she's still gullible, and I know well how to handle her."

"Ooookayyyy..." Negi said, choosing not to question her on her choice of words and callousness. "Anyone who sees anything or anyone suspicious in the area will immediately contact the others, but don't try to fight anyone by yourselves. We know these enemies always act in groups, and they have plenty of dirty tricks at hand."

"What do we do about Chao?" Chisame asked. Ala Alba studiously all looked at the furniture.

"Nothing for the time being," Negi said. "She seems to be unlikely to help us unless she's asked or directly involved again, but she's also unlikely to be an obstacle." He blissfully ignored the gazes Psycho Purple and Sakurazaki were sharing behind him. "Once the trip is over and these pressing matters are done for, we'll discuss what to do about her newfound knowledge."

"Thinking of inducting her into our ranks?" an unamused Misa asked.

"Like I said, it's still too early to say one way or another..." Negi insisted patiently. "Let's focus on helping Konoka-san for the time being. Now we'll work in an exact schedule for our patrol turns, won't we?" he asked Erebus.

The older boy nodded and pulled a few papers out. "As a matter of fact, I've already thought of a preliminary schedule."

Negi smiled, pulling an identical set of papers. "Oh, so did I!"

They compared notes, and seeing they were perfectly equal to each other, shook hands and nodded.

"People who is always so anally prepared for everything scares me," Asuna shared.

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet...!" Maga Alba laughed in an easygoing way.

The door opened and Kuro poked in her head. "There you are! You'll be late for breakfast! Get a move on!"

At their looks, she raised a questioning eyebrow. "What'd I miss?"

* * *

 

**_School Trip, Day Two_ **

Nodoka drew in a very deep breath and spoke, stilting the words as little as possible.

"Eh… Ahh, Negi-sensei…"

The tiny Negi doll on the nightstand bobbed back and forth on the coil it had been placed onto.

"Um… I, I'm glad to see you're so full of l-life today…" the girl stuttered. "Anyway, I, I wanted to ask you… something…"

The doll kept on moving in place, its face eternally smiling.

"Y-you know today's a free activity day, of course, since you're a teacher, and, um, guide, and, err, our… organizer, and a good one at that… But… so, I'd like… no, I mean, I wonder if I could… a-ask you t-to… to…"

The doll simply continued bobbing on its coil, erratically.

Nodoka's head drooped down. "This isn't working."

* * *

 

**The Case of Murakami Natsumi**

"I love you!" Natsumi finally told Chizuru.

Chizuru pondered it, then shook her head and softly bopped Natsumi's head with the magazine she had been reading. "No. Don't do it as if you're acting for a play. Allow your true feelings to show through."

The actress whimpered, a hand on her head. "I'm way out of my comfort zone doing that, Chizu-nee…"

Her busty roommate crossed her arms patiently. "The idea, Natsumi, is getting you to walk out of that zone, not to keep you inside of it. You've made progress, but you still need to act more natural if you're going for the real deal. Negi-sensei will need to feel your—" Then she stopped, whispering, "We'll continue later. Makie-san finished her shower."

Indeed, Makie was coming out of the shower stall, a pink towel wrapped around her wet body. "Hey, guys! Where are Iincho and Kazumi-chan?"

"You were taking too long, so they already went for breakfast," Chizuru told her very calmly.

"They did?-!" the gymnast blinked. "Oh, no! I need to get there quick, to tell Negi-kun good morning before Iincho does!" Hurriedly, she stripped down before them, dried herself off, and ran out for the hall.

Natsumi gasped. "Makie-san! Wait! You—"

Chizuru placed a hand on her shoulder. "Allow the enemy to destroy themselves every chance you get, Natsumi-chan," she sagely advised.

There was a loud yelp from Chisame outside, followed by a shorter, shriller yell of Makie's breaking into apologies before running back for her room. "Ha, ha!" she laughed dumbly. "Sorry! I was in such a rush, I forgot the clothes!"

Natsumi stared oddly at the now quickly dressing Baka Ranger. "Don't worry… It happens to me all the time…" she lied.

While Makie ran back outside, now fully clothed except for a sock she forgot in her hurry, Natsumi looked up at her friend. "Chizu-nee, shouldn't we hurry as well?"

Chizuru waved a finger. "That won't help you to gain any points! It's a communal breakfast, and Sensei will be eating with the other teachers. Better to take a short while showing up, so he notices your absence and worries about you. Then he'll be doubly happy when you show up."

An impressed Natsumi nodded.

"Now tell me you love me again. I mean, tell Negi-sensei you love him," Chizuru requested.

Natsumi paused for a moment, showing only the slightest hint of confusion, before repeating, "I love you. Sensei."

"Well, I suppose that'll do…"

 

**The Case of Miyazaki Nodoka**

Yue and Haruna re-appeared on the door. "Nodoka, what's taking you so long?" Baka Black asked.

Nodoka gulped, rocking back to her feet. "N-mothing! I'll be there with you right now!"

"You still confessing your love to that doll?" Haruna asked. "If you really want to practice love confessions, it's better to do it with a live target. You know I'll be your Negi any day you want…"

Yue snorted softly. "You lack the most important thing for it."

Haruna blinked in shock, then giggled and pinched Yue's cheeks. "Oh, you NAUGHTY thingy…!-!-!"

"I meant his education and good manners!" Yue protested, trying to break free.

**Konoe Muyo!**

Konoemon Konoe walked slowly, supporting his body weight on his cane with each measured step. Somehow, despite its sunny beauty, and how fresh its air was, this place made him feel so much older.

The Okayama countryside.

He made his way alone from the train station to the old shrine, walking through the woods that had changed so little since his childhood. One of the advantages of having most teachers out on trips was he had very little explanations to give about his absence. He only had told Evangeline, Professor Tomoe and _that man in the library_ he'd be taking a day off. As expected, Eva hadn't cared at all, that sneaky Tomoe had only smiled and wished him good luck, and _that man_ chuckled.

"Going back your the roots, huh?"

Konoemon had nodded. "It's the right time for it, after all."

And now, there he was, at the foot of a very, very long set of steps built into that hill's rock, leading up to the shrine. With his arms crossed behind his back, he made his way up slowly, humming to himself.

He found a young man with black hair sweeping the shrine's entrance once he arrived there. The boy noticed him immediately, stopping his labor and giving him a big kind smile. "Oh, good morning! Welcome to the Masaki shrine! What can we do to help you? Did you come to pray? For amulets? A blessing?"

The old man chuckled raspily. "Why, hello. Truth be told, I only came to talk with your grandfather, Tenchi."

The boy blinked, visibly impressed, before regaining his smile. "Oh… Oh, I see! You're one of Grandpa's friends, aren't you? I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. I'll call for him right no—"

"Actually, I'm his grandson as well," Konoemon told him, very evenly.

Tenchi paused again, even more stunned this time. He took a few moments to recover and say, "I… I see. Well, I'm sure he'll be… even happier to see you then…"

The old man raised a brushy eyebrow. "You have been told about the family's secret, haven't you?"

"Oh, yes! I have! Last year, actually," Masaki Tenchi nodded awkwardly. He looked up and down at Konoe. "On that topic… Forgive me for asking, please, but… Can you… You know, like Grandpa?"

"Recover my younger form at will?" Konoemon asked. "No. My blood is too diluted for that. You, on the other hand, are a pure blooded direct descendant. You should be able to do it when you reach my age."

Tenchi nodded, embarrassed. "I understand. Sorry about that…"

"It's no problem. You have every right to know." Konoe brushed past that, before a taller, seemingly younger senior citizen with glasses and a mustache, his gray hair long and tied into a thick ponytail, stepped out of the shrine, barely blinking at seeing him.

"Ah, Konoemon…" he spoke, in a low, sedate, thick tone. "It's been quite a while."

"Greetings, Grandfather," Konoe bowed respectfully. He casually looked into the direction of a cave. "So Nobuyuki said the truth; Tenchi-kun here did free Ryoko after all…"

Tenchi blushed and laughed awkwardly. "W-Well, it was an accident, really—! Wait, when did you speak with my father?"

"Over the phone, a few months ago," Konoe answered.

"Hmmm," the other old man said. "He didn't tell me he had contacted you again."

"Nobuyuki is a grown man, Grandfather. Neither of us has to inform you of every move we make," Konoemon said easily. "Well? Won't you invite me in? I must say I'm a bit thirsty after that train trip!"

Both men's grandfather nodded and stepped aside, gesturing for them to walk into the small building. "Come in, please. We truly have a lot to talk about. So, when are you planning to marry again?"

"Grandfather!" Konoemon exclaimed, whacking him with a small mallet. "I'm too old for that!"

"Nonsense! You're not even two hundred! Let me set up an Omiai, I know this nice little grocer…"

"No, grandfather!"

Clearly, Konoka got it from somewhere.

**Soft Targets**

"I'm telling you, Boy, there's been a misunderstanding!" Joker yelped as she jumped off the escape stairs and into another building's rooftop.

Good thing whatever had changed him had also granted him way superior speed and agility, because otherwise, Quarty would have burnt her to a crisp already. Probably. She got the feeling he was only toying with her, like a kitten who has been deprived from hunting far too long and then is given a mouse to play with. Joker could understand the feeling, but not when he was the mouse, damn it!

Quartum had a vicious smirk on as he chased the green haired woman across the rooftops of Cinema Town, holding himself back so they wouldn't attract the public's attention below, and also because he wanted to know what this was intruder able of. And sure, scare her out off her wits before finishing her. He had never really scratched that itch before, and it felt good. Very good. "Tell me your name and it won't be so painful!" he promised. "The nerve terminals don't transmit any pain when burned the right way, so you'll barely suffer!"

"I know that, but I don't like dying in the first date! I find it takes the charm away from the relationship!" the woman wisecracked while jumping out of the way of a small fireball tossed in her direction, most likely just to wear her down. Whoever she was, she had as bad a sense of humor as Joker himself. "Really, Quarty, don't you recognize your Daddy anymore just because a little boob job and longer hair? I thought we were closer than that!"

"Excuse me, but Joker is a man! Not much of one, but yeah, a man," Quartum closed the distance, grinning even more. Joker wondered if he was that disturbingly creepy when he closed in on a woman. Nah, he told himself, he was **much** more disturbing. The kid was only an amateur, after all. Feeling better already, she jumped ahead again, looking around for something, anything, to use as a weapon. It was a difficult task since she knew Quarty was supposed to outlast the likes of a tank in battle. Cutting edge tanks, even. The kind Lexcorp had only as prototypes.

"I shoulda looked through my toy basket before leaving..." she mused sadly.

The strange purplish bracelet he had on him—that is, her— since waking up was glowing with a faint ghostly light now. She had tried to take it off since the chase started, convinced it had something to do with his— or her, whatever— transformation, but it seemed it was stuck to her and wouldn't come off or shatter with anything. She had even blocked a few of Quarty's blasts with it, to no avail. The damn thing didn't even have a scratch on. She had the area of her arm around it quite badly burnt, though, although not as much as it'd have been expected.

"Maybe, if you only agree to take me back home alive, we can sit down and I can explain everything to the best of my knowledge?" she attempted to negotiate.

Running with his arms crossed behind his back now, as if to mock her, Quartum made a long thinking sound. "Mmmmmm... NAH! I still prefer just to rip the info out of your last breath!" he said.

"Little jerk," Joker muttered. He hated when HE came out looking as the rational part in a discussion.

Then, a hail of bullets hitting the rooftop floor before her forced her to grind to a halt. "What the—?-!"

Quartum also slowed down behind her, looking mildly intrigued. The two of them looked up to see a shapely young woman with bright, short scarlet hair standing on a higher rooftop, aiming a M1911 handgun at Joker's head. "HEY THERE!" she called out feistily, with a psychotic grin to match Quartum's own. "Look what we gotta here! And I thought this'd be a boring day!"

Joker opened her mouth, lifted an index finger up, ready to protest in some way, then lowered the finger and her expression drooped. "Sorry, I don't do redheads," she deadpanned. "That's Nightwing's thing."

**Nara Park:**

Nara Park. A large, idyllic looking place where deer walked about freely. Negi, Nelly, Konoka, Asuna, Nodoka, Haruna, Yue, Ayaka, Natsumi, Chizuru, Asakura and Makie walked through it, with the boy teacher, his fiancée and the gymnast acting utterly fascinated about their surroundings. Not far away, Kuro and her 'charges' walked, surprisingly well-behaved for little kids, admiring things.

"Ah! Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-sama!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-sama!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Paru-sama!"

"WOULD YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF!" Kuro cried.

Well, most of them.

"There are far more deer here than I expected!" Negi said in childlike awe. "And they're very big, too!"

"These deer are believed to be the messengers of the gods," Yue lectured quietly between sips of her Corto Maltese Black Strawberry juice. "Until 1637, killing one of them was a crime punished with the capital sentence. That's because it was said one of the four gods of the Kasuga Shrine, Takenomikazuchi-no-mikoto, visited this site once riding a white deer."

"Wow," Nelly said, brushing back her long, trailing hair. "I didn't know that!"

"Then, shouldn't only white deer be holy?" Makie asked.

"What kind of question is that, Makie-san?" Ayaka asked, walking right next to Negi. Asuna marched behind her with a blank expression, keeping her attention fixed on Konoka. Her would-be kidnappers were unlikely to try and strike in a public place during the middle of the day, but Negi had said they could take no chances.

While stopping to feed a deer, making Ayaka coo, and Natsumi and Nodoka blush brightly, Negi looked in all directions just in case. Kuga Natsuki-san was watching them from afar, and for some reason, her face seemed especially troubled whenever she looked at Konoka. From ever further, a very tall woman with long black hair and sunglasses was also watching over the group, sporting a downright grim expression.

She looked familiar, but she was too tall to be Amagasaki-san. Then who...?

Then Negi remembered. She looked a lot like one of Ayaka's maids, Roberta-san. But surely it was only a coincidence. Iincho-san would have told him if she were to bring one of her servants along...

Then Nodoka was swiftly pulled aside by Yue and Haruna. Noticing it and making a very small frown, Chizuru, likewise, pulled Natsumi along with her.

"C-Chizu-nee?" Natsumi asked as Naba all but dragged her behind a tree. "I-I told you I'm feeling okay!"

Chizuru put a finger on her lips. "I know," she whispered. "It isn't about that. Your rivals are getting ready to make their move, Natsumi-chan. You can't allow them to get there before you do..."

**Interlude: Ala Alba**

"Any idea who those two are?" Twilight Red said quietly as they waited for Kuro to come back with some feed for the deer.

"The biker chick and the one with the umbrella?" Valkyrie Black said.

"Yeah, them," Twilight said. "Do you think they might be with Chigusa? I mean, they don't look like the usual kind of Negi-stalkers."

Psycho Purple peered at them intently. "They… they kind of remind me of those bodyguards Tomoyo-san has…"

"Oh, you mean those ninja barely held in check by the promise of health insurance, and Tomoyo's steady paycheck?" Twilight said.

"They get health insurance?" Yue said.

"Well, yeah. Kaede told me about it when Tomoyo offered her a job after highschool."

"Wow… do you think we should ask Negi-sensei for health insurance?"

"On his salary? We're lucky we have Konoka."

"Lucky we have Konoka why?" Deathnote asked.

Twilight gave her a disapproving look. "Don't you have any shame?-! The way you've been carrying on with the other Haruna is disgusting!"

Haruna laughed easily. "Oh, come on, it's only a little harmless self-stimulation! Nothing wrong with it."

Asuna took a deep breath to yell at her as Nodoka blushed—

"Sneaking around voice, Asuna," Yue said quietly.

Asuna switched to hissing. "There is when you do it in _public_!"

"Sheesh, you can be such a prude," Haruna said, waving a hand dismissively. "Anyway, listen! I think Nodoka is about to make her move on Negi-sensei!"

"N-no I'm not!" Nodoka said.

"No, I mean the other Nodoka," Haruna said. "See, the other me is talking to her!"

Nodoka, Yue, Asuna and Haruna all looked at the two younger women.

"Should we do something about this?" Yue said philosophically.

"Definitely!" Haruna chirped. "We need to help make it happen! After all, Nodoka confessed to Negi-sensei here in Kyoto! If she doesn't, that would be altering what _hap-pened!"_ She sang the last word.

"There's probably something wrong there…" Asuna mused.

Yue gave Haruna a look. "I thought you were backing Misora here…"

"Well, she's not here, and at heart I ship Negi-sensei with librarians," Haruna said. She pointed dramatically at Ayaka. "Right now, _she_ is the biggest cock-blocker! She needs to be dealt with!" She paused. "Is it a cock block? Shouldn't it be—"

"Aaand I'm out," Twilight said. "You… do whatever. I'll stick with this Konoka, make sure she doesn't get kidnapped or anything."

"Cool!" Haruna said, grabbing the other two. "Come on girls, let's see if we can fix some past mistakes…"

"This can't end well…" Yue muttered.

"Is there a bush we can hide in?" Nodoka asked, looking around.

**Family Ties**

Tenchi looked back and forth between both old men sipping their tea in complete silence. For two guys who supposedly had a lot to discuss, they sure had been quiet for the last few minutes. So he tried to break the ice despite the nagging voice in his head telling him it was a horrible idea.

"Then, ah… When was the last time you were here, hmmm… Cousin Konoemon?"

Dammit, he was sure he had just picked the dumbest way to call him.

The man with the oddly shaped head stroke his chin. "I believe it was when you were still a small child, Tenchi-kun. If I'm not mistaken, back when…"

"At his mother's funeral," Masaki Katsuhito said in a stoic tone.

Tenchi flinched momentarily. Konoe's tone grew somber. "Ah. Yes, it was then…"

"Oh. Well, that… explains why I don't remember you, then," Tenchi tried to sound normal again.

The man with glasses attempted to steer the conversation in another direction. "Konoemon's mother was my only child with my second Earthly wife, a lady from a prestigious Chinese family. After she died, her family took our daughter to be educated in her mother's homeland, as per her last wishes. Suffice to say, she ended up returning to Japan and marrying the leader of the Konoe clan, a highly powerful and respected family of mages rumored to be descended from Amaterasu, the Sun Goddess herself."

"Wow," Tenchi said before taking a sip from his own cup.

"Konoemon also was educated both in Japan and China, becoming a highly powerful mage, and the current Dean of Mahora Academy," his grandfather narrated. Tenchi raised an eyebrow.

"Mage?" he said.

"Boy, you have just spent a whole year co-existing with superpowered aliens…" Katsuhito said.

"I'm not saying anything!" Tenchi argued.

"You went to outer space and slew a world ravaging pirate," his grandfather reminded him.

"I said I didn't mean anything! But yeah, okay, I did that, but all of that has a perfectly valid scientific explanation! I think. At least, that's what Washu-san says…" the boy deflated.

Konoemon held an index finger up. "Ardescat," he said, and a tiny flame appeared around his fingernail.

Tenchi stared a bit dubiously. "Forgive me for saying this, but that isn't exactly a very impressive 'spell'…"

"Would you prefer the kind that destroys a whole hill?" Konoe asked.

"Since we're on a hill right now, thanks, but no," the boy said. "I believe you."

"By the way, how's my great-granddaughter?" Katsuhito asked him.

"Prettier and prettier with each passing day," Konoe sighed. "But she still shows no signs of wanting to marry…"

"How old is she?" Tenchi asked.

Both old men looked at him immediately. "Interested?-!" they chorused.

He spat his tea. "N-N-Not at all! I'm having enough romantic trouble as it is!"

"Konoka-chan's absolutely no problem at all!" Konoemon huffed. "She's fourteen, but well read and polite. Cooks like a professional, and already shows great gifts for fortune telling. A shame she refuses to even consider all the marriage prospects I have gathered for her…" he lamented.

Tenchi made a face. "She's fourteen! She shouldn't think of marriage yet!"

"Sometimes I grow worried she has idealized her father so much, she won't ever consider any other man," the Mahora Dean confessed. "Shows she has Juraian blood in her, I guess…"

Tenchi nodded a bit awkwardly. "I know how it is, yes. Ayeka-san can be scary at times…"

"Some other times, I fear she's far too obsessed with a childhood friend of hers. Setsuna-kun is an excellent girl, but I want great grandchildren, you know!" Konoemon shook his head.

"Tenchi is available," Katsuhito said.

"What? No, I'm not!" Tenchi made an 'X' sign with his arms.

His grandfather lifted an eyebrow. "Have you settled for a girl already?"

"OF COURSE NOT! I'M STILL TOO YOUNG, AS WELL!"

Konoemon gestured for him to calm down. "Easy, easy, Tenchi-kun. I won't force you into any omiais with Konoka-chan. Truth be told, I have set my eye on another boy I think will be perfect for her."

"That Chiba Mamoru boy you once mentioned?" Katsuhito asked.

"They ended up just becoming really good friends," Konoemon sighed. "I actually mean Nagi's son."

Katsuhito made a very very brief pause. "Oh. Nagi's…"

Konoe nodded.

Tenchi frowned. "Who's Nagi?"

"Ask your grandfather!" Konoe said.

"Are you fully sure you don't want to try Tenchi?" Katsuhito insisted.

"GRAMPS!" the boy barked.

"Ho ho! Sorry, but I wish for Konoka to live well into adulthood!" Konoemon laughed jovially. "Nobuyuki told me about those suitors of yours, Tenchi-kun!"

The young man forced a smile. "They aren't _that_ bad…"

Then an explosion coming from the nearby valley shook the whole hill. A shrill yell of "RYOKO-SAN!" pierced through the air.

Tenchi grimaced. "On second thought, good call."

**Konoka's Tale**

While Yue and Haruna advised Nodoka, Chizuru advised Natsumi, and three of Ala Alba's librarians distracted Ayaka, Makie and Asakura, Konoka found herself approached by Negi, 'Nelly', Asuna, and an unassuming, innocent-acting Yu/AngelGARd while feeding the deer.

"Um, Konoka-san, about what happened last night…" Negi began, quite uncomfortably.

The heiress blinked. "Oh, yeah, about that! Did you want to ask something, Negi-kun?"

"Actually, I do too," Asuna admitted. "Konoka, you said the last thing you remembered before falling asleep was a girl with glasses, right?"

Konoka nodded. "Yeah. Sorry I never told you about her, Asuna. But even thinking about her brought me sad memories," she sighed. "I loved her very much, but we couldn't be together for long…"

"You loved her?-!" Yu gasped aloud. She felt like vomiting for some reason.

Konoka gave her a puzzled look. "Like a little sister of sorts, Yu-chan," she said. AngelGARd and Erebus breathed easier.

"I used to live in this city, before moving to Mahora," Konoka continued. "I was raised in the huge and silent mansion of my Dad. And since it was deep within the mountains, and the servants' children weren't allowed to play with me, I always was alone, playing with a ball when I wasn't taking lessons on etiquette and such. I didn't have any friends my age."

"I can sympathize…" Negi lamented. "I didn't have any friends but Anya, either…"

"Yes, I lived far away when we were younger," 'Nelly' said.

Asuna pinched him in on the arm. "Your case was different! You didn't **want to** make any friends because you always were studying! Chisame told me you told her!"

Konoka half-smiled. "One day, a woman named Tsuruko, a member of the family that adopted Daddy when he was around your age, Negi-kun, arrived with her young cousin and a disciple of her clan. They were Tsukuyomi-chan and Set-chan, of course. Yomi-chan was always a little weird; but she loved Set-chan and me a lot. We quickly became best friends, the three of us."

The alternate Setsuna found herself almost disbelieving her Ojousama's lookalike. The idea of Tsukuyomi being their common childhood friend seemed ludicrous. It seemed like something out of a weird fanfic chock full of crack.

"Yomi-chan was one year younger than us, and she always was clinging to Set-chan, who played the big sister to both of us. They were just starting to learn kendo, but Set-chan was so much better than Yomi-chan, who was, well, a bit clumsy," she giggled cutely. "But Set-chan was patient and always tried her best to help her improve. She also protected us against everything, even the angry dogs we sometimes ran into."

Then her face grew somber and sad. "We lived together for more than one year, but one day, while we were playing near a river, I fell in and almost drowned. Set-chan tried her best to help me, but she couldn't do anything. I almost died that day…"

Negi's face had grown hideously pale. Asuna's was barely any better. Yu And Nelly already knew a basically identical version of the same story, but listening to it from Ojou-sama's perfectly facsimile voice still tugged at all her heartstrings.

"After that, Mom grew furious, and for some reason sent Yomi-chan back. I never saw her again until last night, assuming I didn't just dream her. Set-chan changed, too. She became cold and distant, always training by herself, and didn't have any time for me anymore. And then, Mom sent me to Mahora. When Set-chan joined our class too at the start of junior high, I was hoping for a joyful meeting, but she was even colder now, as if she hated me. Maybe it's because what I did back then ruined our friendship…" Konoka's lower lip trembled.

And then the little girl threw herself crying into her lap. "Ah! Yu-chan! Why are you so sad so suddenly…?"

"My… My heart suffers for your pain, Konoe Ojou-sama!" the Chibi Setsuna cried. "Your story has touched me so deeply! I never had heard anything so sad before… well, almost never…!"

'Nelly's' lips were quivering too. "Ah! To think you had to suffer such heartbreak!"

Konoka patted her head tenderly. "Ahh, I'm sorry. If I had known it'd hurt you so much, I wouldn't have said anything…"

Sakurazaki blushed and pulled back abruptly. "N-N-No! Please don't mind me! And please don't blame yourself over what happened back then, either!"

Asuna exhaled a weary sigh, while Negi only cried copious streams of moved silent tears of his own…

….

**Interlude: I Miss You**

_Okinawa_

"Fujiyoshi-san?" Itoshiki appeared at the doorstep, cut end of rope still around his neck. "What's taking you so long? Narusegawa-san has just interrupted my latest suic— I mean, has just told me dinner's ready. All your classmates are already there."

Fujiyoshi Harumi quickly turned the sketchbook she was working on around, lifting her head up to laugh nervously. "Oh, is that so? My, time flies when you're, um, having fun! I'll be there right now, Sensei!"

"Why do you seem ashamed of what you were drawing?" her homeroom teacher asked. "You've never shown any modesty with showing anything, from full frontal hermaphrodite nudity to Rush Limbaugh /George Bush Yaoi!"

"I only did that one because of a dare!" the mangaka defended herself. "Also, why the sudden interest in seeing my sketches?"

He held his hands before himself. "Seeing them? Perish the thought! If it's something _you_ deem scandalous, it'd break my puny mind with only the briefest glimpse! It must be the material Lovecraft's nightmares were made of! Depravity exceeding even the writings of Darkenning!"

Harumi grunted. "Gee, thanks for the comparison with a giant of literature."

He looked over her shoulder. "Say, is that a photo of—"

"I only have a picture of her around so I can spur myself to surpass her even further!" Harumi fumed. "Hah! When I look at that dumb face, I can only think of much fun I'll have outdoing her again! That helps me to give the best of myself!"

The man nodded, seeming to believe it. "It always helps to get a clear and fresh view of the enemy in your mind's eye. Still," and his tone grew drier, "Maybe you should have gotten yourself a less saucy looking pose of Saotome-san. Ill minds could think wrongly about you, would they find that in your possession."

"That nutty girl poses like that every time there's a camera on her!" Harumi said, exasperated. "But let's forget her, Sensei! I don't want my appetite spoiled!" Come on!" She smiled, grabbed him by an arm and, despite his protests, dragged him along with her to the dining room of the Inn. She would make Chiri flip out with jealousy after this, surely…

Yes, Harumi liked to live dangerously.

Later, while she still was enjoying the post-dinner with her friends, Maehara Shinobu-san happened to find her Haruna sketches while cleaning the room. Shinobu was a respectful person when it came to others' privacy, so she quickly put the drawings back in their place and retreated with a flushed face.

She couldn't deny, however, those drawings, crass as they were, seemed so full of a sincere love…

**Three Way Action!**

"Well, now. It's been a real pleasure meeting you, Purps," the red haired and red eyed girl with the sadistic grin and the big gun said, "A shame it'll be a short friendship!" she said, pressing on the trigger...

"I have no regrets!" Joker shouted, closing her eyes and throwing her arms out dramatically as she aimed her chest at the bullets, right as Quartum, becoming a blur of fluid motion, pushed her with himself out of the heavy gunfire from above. They rolled on the rooftop as the girl cursed and reloaded. "Quarty! I thought you didn't care...!"

He pressed a foot on her chest, pinning her down before leaping for their attacker. "Leave that place and you die!"

Joker inhaled deeply. "Just like Batsy...!"

The stranger clenched her teeth and aimed between the quickly approaching boy's eyes, who seemed to outright fly up towards her, but before she could open fire again, he had grabbed her throat with a hand, pushing her back, while his other hand disabled the one she had been holding the weapon with.

He looked straight into her eyes with pupils full of malice and hatred. "Who were you?-!"

The girl gasped for air. "You mean who am I—!"

"No, you're dead," he hissed, plain floating before her so they could be eye to eye despite her being much taller. "The only thing you can still decide is it's slow and painful, or quick and merciful!"

"Quartum, Master of Pick Up Lines!" Joker said, already climbing up near them with an agility s/he'd never had before. A pop gun was pulled out and pressed against the girl's right temple. "Threesome?"

"I told you to stay down there!" the boy growled.

"And I disobeyed. Doesn't that prove I'm crazy enough to be Joker?"

"Joker?" the redhead blinked.

"You stay out of this!" the other two told her before returning to their bickering.

"Joker or not, I haven't been programmed to obey a woman!"

"Oh, don't be so chauvinistic! Don't let Ra's infect your mind with his Alpha Male patriarch crap, boy!"

"Oh, like you're much better, if you're really the Joker! What about all those jokes you make about chaining Ruri to the kitchen?"

"Only jokes! Like I'm crazy enough to eat anything she makes! I have my limits too, nebulous, microscopic and nearly inexistent as they may be! Why do you think I don't let her read T*m*h*wk fanfics?"

The girl grunted and kicked Quartum in the crotch. She cringed in pain, feeling as if her foot had been crushed. Unfazed, he only gave her a mild headbutt, stunning her. "Quiet, you. Okay, let's assume you're really the Joker, under the effect of some sort of spell used by our enemies. Any idea what may have caused it?"

Joker thought about it. "Too much time away from Batman? Cursed springs? Too many Magical Girl shows watched? Feminine hormones in the local water? Chris Jones Virus? Aliens at work? That plushie I got yesterday? Harley got the Obeah Man to curse me?"

"P-Plushie!" the girl managed to gurgle.

Both (kinda) men looked at her. "Bingo!" Joker clucked her tongue.

Quartum tightened his grip on her throat. "Talk now. Or else, I'll—"

Then he saw the police patrol chopper flying over their heads. "Damn."

He tossed her aside like a ragdoll, tackled the Joker, and ducked with her, dashing expertly down to relative obscurity. "Hey!" Joker shouted. "I thought the whole point of superpowers was not running from the coppers! Why would they have choppers out anyway?"

"Hush!" he told her. "No matter what, the plan's safety can't be compromised!"

Joker pointed over his shoulder. "Tell her."

Enraged to hell and back, the girl had picked up her gun and was shooting madly in their direction. "Die die die, you stinky vermin! Spit your bloody guts out!"

"You know, I'll take back my first impression on her. I think I like her after all," Joker cooed, chuckling at how Quartum sped out of the line of fire again. "Weren't you supposed to be bulletproof?"

"I'm immune to harm from most pathetic human portable weapons, but the best amount of taken damage is the one you don't take!" Quartum replied angrily. The helicopter definitely had noticed them now, and was flying lower. Damn, he couldn't use his powers in public...

Much more oblivious to reason, which was saying something considering we're talking about Quartum and Joker, the young woman kept on shooting madly, although for all she shot, her accuracy left much to be desired. The fact the boy was so inhumanly fast didn't help either; before she knew it, he and the green haired harlot were out of sight already, no doubt gone across the rooftops.

Cursing her luck violently, the redhead ignored the police's final warnings to stop and just jumped back to her apparent death in a narrow alley below.

But when they looked down into it moments after, they found no body.

After hopping a few blocks away, Quartum stopped and looked back. "I think we lost those morons," he said, then looked at the woman in his arms, who was holding a golden shovel with a very clashing purple handle in her hands now. "Where did you get _that_?"

"It just kinda appeared out of nowhere in my hands when Reddie was shooting at us. Nifty, huh?" she grinned, giving Quartum a playful mock whack on the head with it. "Wanna go find some people to bury?"

_Somewhere, Kitsu Chiri tensed. "Someone is using one of my schnichts… AND IS DOING IT IMPROPERLY!"_

For all answer, he squeezed her neck, making her eyes figuratively pop out as his burned not so figuratively. "Good idea. Tell you what, you'll go first. Unless you can tell me what happened to—"

The woman he had been strangling had just turned back into a man. The shovel had vanished into thin air as well, but that was only a minor point in comparison. Seemingly.

"— Joker?"

"Oh, ah, oh, don't stop. I mean, about time, sonny! Told ya so! See? You shoulda seen through the appearances! My fabulous brand of insanity is unique and knows no borders! That Chiri a few paragraphs back WISHES she was as good as me!"

Quartum facepalmed. "What the hell are you, after all?"

"Entertainment!" was the simple reply. "The real question is, who was Miss Congeniality back there?"

"Hopefully, only a stain on the pavement now..." the construct growled hatefully.

Several blocks away, a girl with short, light brown hair breathed heavily as she adjusted her glasses, running down the street and trying her best to meld in with the crowds of Cinema Town.

_Oh my God, what was I thinking? I almost got myself killed there! I've got stop doing these things...! Ah, and I'm late to return those books to the library! I hope I can make it back home in time...!_

_..._

**_The Kyoto National Museum._ **

Hasegawa Sora had never been there before, and it showed. She never had looked after a large group of junior high girls all by herself either, and it showed as well. As she frantically checked in all directions looking for the surely tragically slain or kidnapped Hakase Satomi (who, actually, had only gone to the toilet without announcing it first), Chisame took the chance to pull an uneasy Setsuna aside and ask her a few things, with Misora, Matoi, Evangeline, Chachamaru, and the rest of Ala Alba looking on while Calculator's robot maids stood peripherally. Akira, Ako, Yuuna and Zazie were distracted elsewhere checking on a few of the displays.

"Alright, Sakurazaki," the hacker said. "Now we've got some free time, I'd like to know exactly what's the deal between you and that maniac from last night."

Setsuna grumbled reluctantly. "I don't have time for that. I should be going off to protect Ojou-sama…"

"No, she's with Sensei and Asuna, not to mention your much stronger, more experienced counterpart with more swords, and more experienced Ministra besides!" Chisame said. "Stop squirming around and look at our faces when we're asking you something, okay? At least the other you is polite to others!"

Chibi-Konoka looked pleadingly up at Setsuna, and the swordswoman could feel her resolve starting to melt. "I'd like know that too, Setsuna-han. After all, we never met Tsukuyomi before in our world until she tried to kidnap _me_ in Kyoto."

Setsuna felt herself squirming at that. "What is there to say? Tsukuyomi and me share a father, yes. What does that matter here? Neither of us has ever met that man face to face. And while we were educated together for a while, I ignore why is she working for our enemies now. I understand she turned to a mercenary life, but I had no idea she had stooped so low," she said, trying to keep her voice low. "Supporting someone who reads Twilight! Abominable!"

Misora scratched her head. "I don't get it. If neither of you know your father, why were you raised together?"

Setsuna sighed. "Our father is David Cain, killer for hire and globetrotter. It seems, around fifteen years ago, he began stalking Japan, where he enjoyed the company of several women, including one member of my clan and one of the daughters of the Aoyama patriarch. Tsukuyomi and me were considered a disgrace to our respective families, and I was assigned to learning under two sisters of another Aoyama branch, Tsuruko-sempai and Motoko-sempai."

"Wow, it's like a soap opera!" Misora said.

"It sounds like a perfectly normal childhood," Evangeline sniffed.

Setsuna frowned. "I recall being told Tsukuyomi was educated by an older teacher and trusted friend of her grandfather, but I never met her until shortly before being sent to live at the Konoe Mansion. She already was eccentric then; her mother was a peculiar woman as well, or so I was told. Quickly, she latched onto me, and I could tell she never had any friends before me. I endured her for a long time, and for a while, after meeting Ojou-sama, she seemed to improve. Then Ojou-sama had her… accident."

"Huh?" Chisame blinked.

"She… fell into a river," Setsuna explained. "I tried to rescue her, but I almost drowned myself. Ojou-sama's honorable father saved us, but I had learned a harsh truth. I couldn't protect Konoka Ojou-sama, because I was weak, soft, unreliable. I resolved to stop lounging around and focus my whole body and mind into honing my skills for her."

"You should have trained much, much harder," Evangeline said, bored.

"Master, please…" Chachamaru said.

"No, Eva-sama is right," Setsuna's head hung in shame. "Try as much as I can, I'm still not up to the task. I couldn't protect Ojou-sama alone!"

"Ugh! A Setsuna angsting over her insecurities," Calculator moaned. "I thought we were past that."

"You were going against that crazy girl, a crazy mage, two crazy killer brats, a crazy fire user, and a crazy woman piloting a giant metal bunny. Of course you couldn't do that alone!" Chisame grumbled. "No one could!"

Evangeline snorted.

"No one human," Chisame corrected herself.

"Better," Eva replied icily.

"I thought Ala Alba—?" Chachamaru began, but Chisame slapped a hand over the gynoid's mouth.

"What happened to Tsukuyomi after that, Setsuna?" Misora asked.

"She was sent back to her old teacher," Setsuna's tone grew even more ominous now. "Who was found dead on Tsukuyomi's tenth birthday, and she vanished from the Aoyama compound that very same day."

Chisame and Misora's faces betrayed sheer horror. Konoka and Chibi-Chisame's faces twisted in disgust. Evangeline and Chachamaru didn't even flinch. "Yeah, that sounds about right," Evangeline commented.

"Sounds like she might be related to Chiri-chan…" Matoi mused.

"Since then, from what I have gathered, she has travelled the world as a sword for hire," Setsuna sighed. "I know I should hate her, but somehow, whenever I think of her, I only can think of how I could have been the same, if Eishun-sama, Tsuruko-sempai and Motoko-sempai hadn't cared so much about me. Everyone else in the clan hated Tsukuyomi and me."

"But you aren't an Aoyama yourself. What about your birt—" Chachamaru began.

Chibi-Konoka, Chibi-Chisame, and both robot maids slammed their elbows into Chachamaru's sides.

Setsuna remained silent for a few long moments before saying, "I have no reason to tell you that much. Besides," she perked her attention up, "Your sister already found Hakase-san, Chisame-san. Let's rejoin the group."

And she walked away without waiting for anything else.

"You know, I never thought I'd ever meet someone who made you look relaxed and happy," Misora told Chisame.

The Net Idol huffed. "I'm always relaxed and happy after beating up fake nuns. I really hope you'll someday see how true that is!"

"I suddenly have a greater appreciation of how much Sakurazaki has unclenched," Calculator said, watching her walk away.

….

**Interlude: The Bottled City**

_Another Dimension._

"So, how's it going, Brainiac?" Mattie Hagen, aka Clayface, asked, hands on her hips, as she and the team walked behind their mentor, walking through the deepest parts of her laboratory.

Mildred Fine outwardly ignored the new usage of the hated nickname, but bristled inside. Nothing of it reflected in her cold, serene voice. "If you are talking about my advances with the transdimensional technology Joker just asked me about repeatedly, then yes, Clayface, I _have_ made meaningful progress lately, although I expect no actual experimentations to take place in at least six months and five days."

"Cool…!" Jacqueline cooed. "I'll be able to see Akira again…!"

Batgirl grunted softly. "Hnh."

"Oh, for the love of…!" Alexandra Luthor, the Mockingird, rolled her emerald eyes around. "What was so great about that girl? She was inexpert, barely competent, annoyingly submissive and clueless…"

"There's no need to get jealous, Lex!" Joker sing-sang. "You know you'll always be my dear Number Three!"

"Shoot yourself!" Lex snarled.

Batgirl cringed, knowing she was the most likely 'Number One' in Joker's demented ranking.

Riddler whistled to herself until she stopped next to a huge bottle holding a complex futuristic diorama inside of it. "What's this?" she asked, questioning like always. "Is it only a model? It doesn't look like a model, there are all sorts of rails moving inside, and tiny ant like beings swarming around, too. Are they alien ants? Termites?"

"Civilization of ants from outer space?" Joker looked over her shoulder. "Where?"

"To my growing horror, I feel myself unable to wonder about these kind of situations anymore," Mockingbird said dryly.

"Pretty much," Batgirl nodded sagely.

"These are no ants," Brainiac came closer. "They are miniaturized humanoids from the doomed planet Krypton. Before their homeworld exploded, I managed to encapsulate them inside of this self-sustaining habitat irradiated with red sunlight. You are beholding the bottled city of Kandor."

"You mean these are actual tiny people?" Clayface gasped. "Man, then why don't you release them?-! Keeping little people like this is just… just…!"

"Bad?" Riddler offered.

"Thank you. You know I'm bad with words."

"Were they released in this planet, your local yellow sunlight and light gravity would give the Kandorians superhuman strength, speed, and powers far above your understanding. Then they would conquer your puny planet in less than one week, turning it into a cold, emotionless New Krypton," Brainiac monotoned.

Clayface stepped back. "Well, it was only a suggestion!"

"That's why I have always hated aliens," Lex snorted. She added quickly, "Present company excluded!"

"I understand the feeling perfectly, Alexandra Luthor," Brainiac replied. "I feel a deeply engrained dislike for alien beings, as well."

"We're alien beings for you, aren't we?" Riddler asked.

"Why ask questions when you already know the answer, Evelyn Nygma?" Brainiac questioned back.

Meanwhile, Joker put her hands around the bottle and shook it around. "Wheeee! Earthquake!-!"

Batgirl's eyes bulged out. "Stop that, you madwoman!"

The clown girl giggled cutely. "C'mon, Bats, it's just a joke…!"

Brainiac took some readings. "…"

Lex sighed. "How many did she kill?"

"Kill?" Joker blinked.

Brainiac waved the issue away. "That is of no real importance. The losses have been on an acceptable scale. Follow me. We are on a schedule."

"Losses?" Joker wondered again.

Batgirl punched her in the head.

Miss Freeze, as habitual, said absolutely nothing.

Even to this day, seven hundred years after, Kandor still fears the Big Grinning White Face in the Sky.

….

**Strategies Clash!**

"Asuna, let's go see the Buddha statue together!" Haruna popped out of nowhere to land on Kagurazaka from behind, catching her in an air-squeezing hug, much to Negi's surprise.

"Agh!" Asuna gasped, trying to shake her off. It'd have worked on almost any 3-A girl, but Haruna had that damn Anything Goes Dojo Training or whatever making her harder to push back than most. "Okay, I'll go, but lemme breathe, you idiot!"

"You too, Konoka," Yue grabbed the Konoe heiress by a hand and began pulling her along with them. "You know this area better than anyone, and there are a few things I wanted to ask you..."

Konoka blinked. "But Yue-chan, haven't you read all books and travel guides on Kyoto?"

"Th-There are some things you can't learn even from reading!" Ayase said, pulling on her a bit harder.

Konoka relented easily. "Okay, sure. Negi-kun, will you come with—"

"No! I mean, these are 'Off Limit' hours for male visitors!" Haruna lied. "Only females will be allowed for the next hour!"

Konoka blinked. "Huh? Since when—"

"I-It was decided a month ago after, um, some major groping incidents between tourists!" Yue added hastily.

"If you want to avoid gropings, why are we taking Haruna along?" Asuna asked.

Paru chuckled and rubbed her knuckles on Asuna's scalp. "Ah, always so funny, Asuna-chan! A true laugh riot...!"

"But we can't leave Negi-kun here all alone..." Konoka doubted. "I know! I'll call on Iincho to keep him company! I'm sure she won't mi—"

Haruna interrupted her again. "No need for that! Nodo-chan will take care of it, right, Nodo-chan?"

"Ah! Ah, y-yes!" the shy librarian nodded. "I'm... I'm phobic to giant Buddhas anyway!"

"Phobic?" Asuna asked. "Is that contagious?"

Haruna sighed and kept on pulling on her arm. "Good thing you have looks and heart, Asuna-chan..."

Negi laughed, amused by his students' antics. "You go, girls. Yu-chan, you wouldn't mind going with them, would you?" he asked the Lolified Setsuna.

'Yu' shook her head. "Not at all. I'll be happy to," she said, looking forward to some time spent with the other Konoka, plus actually inclined to allow the local Nodoka to finally get a kickstart with Negi. "Why don't you come with us, Nelly-chan!"

"Oh, okay," the Mage said, a bit confused. He felt like he was missing something…

Haruna smiled to herself, believing Negi's suggestion had something to do with wanting to be alone with Nodoka, rather than wanting Konoka to be well watched. And if it separated him from his fiancée, all the better! All was fair in love and war, and if you couldn't protect your claim, you deserved to lose it! Paru gave her shy friend a wink as they left, leaving a blissfully ignorant Negi and a gulping, blushing Nodoka behind.

"Well, where would you like to go now, Miyazaki-san?" he asked her.

"Ah, eh, well, I actually..." she babbled, hands crossed before herself, "I will be okay... with anything you..."

Then a voice piped in from behind them, just as shyly, "Why don't we go visit the Kasuga Taisha Treasure House?"

"Oh?" Negi turned around, just as Nodoka's face betrayed a baffled disappointment. "Murakami-san! Where is Naba-san?"

Natsumi blushed as well, as if a bit annoyed by the question. "I— I don't have to spend _all_ my time with Chizu-nee, Sensei! She's... hanging around Iincho and Makie-san at the botanical gardens, but I had no interest in that..." she stuck to the excuse Chizuru had made for her.

At the same time, at the Botanical Gardens, Chizuru had made up a bogus story about people being able to gain true love if they smelled all 250 species of plants on display. Sure enough, Ayaka and Makie had fallen for it easily, and now were head to head around Plant 126. Once they were done, Chizuru would just make something else up. She had learned expert lying efficiency from her father, after all...

"Well, the Treasure House sounds good!" Negi agreed firmly. "Is that okay with you, Miyazaki-san?"

"Oh, ah, sure, Negi-sensei!" Nodoka gave some very quick nods. "I'd love to be there with you! With you two, I mean!"

Natsumi sighed. Nodoka was a wrench in her plans, but she'd think of a way around her along the walk. "Okay, then follow me. Chizu-nee told me it was this way..."

….

**Wonderland**

Chigusa sat at the head of the large table, looking like a real Queen of Hearts in her crimson kimono, and fuming just as if she was getting ready to order some beheadings. Sitting near her, Tsukuyomi cut her bread carefully with the sharpest knife on the table, Hansel and Gretel entranced by her every move. Kotaro yawned, supremely bored.

Michael Garret was too busy analyzing the reports of last night's attempt, while Fasalina-san helped him. The Mad Hatter's Wonderland Gang sat slightly further from everyone else, muttering to each other in English. The White Rabbit's chair was notoriously empty, with only a plushie white rabbit on it.

"She's late, she's late, she's late…" Hatter repeated grimly, serving tea for everyone. However, no one touched it until Kotaro grabbed his cup, sniffed it carefully, and declared flatly, "It's safe."

Only then did Chigusa swallow her cup's contents in a single angry gulp. "A perfectly good hideout, we had to abandon," she hissed. "A humiliating defeat, in every sense of the word. They have seen our faces, and they have an idea what to expect from us. We lost the surprise element, and we'll be fortunate if they don't cancel the trip and head back to Mahora…"

"They won't yet," the pale girl with the short white hair refused Hatter's offer of tea with a polite gesture. Tetch scowled bitterly, but said nothing. "And we still have several options to play."

"Yes, yes," Chigusa pushed her glasses up and rubbed her nose. "You're right, of course. And now we also know what to expect, so we're even. There's also the question of why would there be two Ojou-samas…"

"One of them was obviously an impersonator," Michael opined.

"No," Amagasaki said. "Both of them had that power. I'm convinced that, somehow, they both are genuine. But there never was any information about Eishun-sama having more than one daughter…"

"Ahh, two Hime-samas…" Tsukuyomi sighed happily, sinking her small teeth into her bread. "But only the younger one is mine. I have no interest in older replicas, Chigusa-han, so you can keep that one!"

The woman sneered. "If we could use both their powers, we could do far more than resurrecting the Demon God. Why, coupled with the young woman from another world, we could even create our own Demon God…"

"How are you so sure she's from another world?" Kotaro asked, frowning.

"There's nothing like her described in any book on the mystical from this world," said Chigusa. "I'm sure she holds power as great as Ojou-sama's, or perhaps even greater. We only need to learn how to master it."

"Hime-sama is cuter, though," Tsukuyomi huffed primly.

"How did you and that girl get to know each other, by the way?" asked Kotaro.

"I must admit I feel curious about it," Fasalina nodded calmly. "I'd love to hear about it, assuming you don't mind…"

"Me? No, of course not," the girl with glasses replied, sipping her tea elegantly. "You know I'm always willing to share myself in body and soul, Fasalina-san. Well, I'll tell you _everything_. And you don't need to slip away, Kotaro-kun…"

"I'm going to the toilet," the boy lied, and quickly scampered away. Why had he bothered to ask her in the first place?

Tsukuyomi pouted cutely. "I'm really starting to get the impression Kotaro-kun dislikes me. Either way, to understand my relationship with Hime-sama, you must know exactly from where I came…" The improper emphasis on the last word was enough to make Michael feel uncomfortable immediately. "This is the story of how I came to be what I'm now, and what happened between Oneesama, Hime-sama and me…"

….

**Questions, Questions…!**

_Some place in Cinema Town:_

"I'm not laughing, dammit!" Joker hollered. "Bruno's supposed to be the gender confusion-inducing member of the gang! So talk! Tell me what's the deal with this... this unasked for makeover! And why didn't I get bigger breasts?-!"

"This is a waste of time..." a bored again Quartum muttered from a corner of the room, with his arms crossed.

Ruri sat at her favorite computer, dutifully taking notes of every word said so far in the questioning, as solemn as ever.

Mo, Lar and Cur simply sat there watching the proceedings unfold stupidly.

Joker paced back and forth before the stuffed lion placed on a chair, with several lamps shining on him. "After getting you last night, Mister, I was turned into a woman, chased around, shot, and nearly killed! And I'm no Ranma 1/2 character! So tell me already! I want to know everything! Especially if I'll have periods from now on!"

A long silence.

"Maybe we should call Dent," Joker pondered. "This kind of 'How do you plead' thing is his specialty."

"Perhaps," Ruri spoke as softly as ever, "your gender bending curse will cease to be if you destroy the doll..."

It talked immediately. "I'm Burnt Alive Lion, a Messenger for the Moderators! Pleased to meet you!"

Mo and Cur backed away, horrified. Lar, however, only snorted. "What's so scary about this? I've worked for Scarface..."

Quartum blinked. "Why hadn't you talked before?"

"We're forbidden from contacting anyone but Kampferin unless our very existence is threatened!" the plush said before telling Joker, "Congratulations, you've been chosen to become a Kampfer!"

Joker slammed a hand down on his head. "First things first, Leo! Periods, yes or not?"

"No..." the doll gurgled from under his palm.

Joker took the hand back and nodded. "Better."

The plushie sprang back up, recovering its prior non-squashed form. "You've been selected as The Anomaly, the rare and unique Purple Kampfer!"

"That doesn't sound too canon," Joker lampshaded. Undaunted, the lion continued.

"The red and blue teams of Kampfer will be, not only trying to kill each other, but also you! However, by killing other Kampfer, you might be able to assimilate your powers into your own! Or not, who knows. We've never had a Purple Kampfer before..."

"Killing?" Joker smiled.

"Powers?" Quartum seemed lightly interested.

"Teams?" Ruri asked.

The lion nodded. "There'll be three teams of Kampfer, the chosen warriors! The Red and Blue teams will oppose each other in their competition to destroy you and become the supreme Kampfer! The white team under the Moderators' direct control will be charged with enforcing the contest's rules, destroy the outside forces that might interfere, and generally dick around! All Kampfer must be female, so that's why we inflicted that change upon you!"

"... This lacks any sort of logics whatsoever," Ruri commented. "And shouldn't it be 'pussy around'?"

Joker nodded. "My kind of game!"

"Your bracelet will shine when there's another Kampfer near, and then you'll transform to do battle! However, over time, you'll learn how to transform back and forth, enemies or not! As soon as a threat is over, you'll change back to your..." the lion paused. "...let's say 'normal' self."

"Don't call me 'normal'!" Joker yelled.

_Hito Nami sneezed._

"Who are those 'Moderators'?" Quartum questioned quite quizzically.

"I don't know," said the toy.

"Why are they setting up this pointless competition?" Ruri remarked rather rapidly.

"I have no idea. I'm only a messenger. Wanna tug on my guts?" he offered Ruri his dangling plush intestines. Quartum scowled.

"Can I become a hot woman too?" Cur spoke next.

Everyone else shot him a glare.

"Gee, I was jus' askin'..." the bald henchman excused himself.

"Where are those other 'Kampfer' hiding, how many of them there are, and who are they?" the Clown Prince of Crime asked again.

"How would I know?-!" Burnt Alive Lion protested.

The deadly comedian snarled. "You aren't a world of help, did you know that, Leo?"

"Duh, I'm a parody Magical Girl mascot And my name is..."

"Your name's Leo from now on!" Joker decided.

"The plan..." Quartum began.

"The plan will go on as scheduled, Quarty!" Joker replied. "The show must go on! We'll deal with this little side attraction later! Meanwhile, boys, call Bruno and tell her I want lots and lots of female clothes my size! All panties will be racy! All bras will have padding!"

"You aren't so small," Ruri opined. "You have no need to develop a breast complex."

"Easy for you to say, Lil' Miss Potako!" the gang's leader sizzled.

"Pettanko," Ruri corrected.

"Same difference! And I don't have a breast complex! And I don't care if Ivy and Catwoman are bigger than me!"

He bit his ruby lower lip and breathed in and out heavily.

Ruri, Quartum, the henchmen, and even the lion traded rolling eye behind his back.

….

**Life is Its Own Punishment and Reward, Part 1**

"The first thing I remember is holding a sword," Tsukuyomi sighed dreamily, hands on her cheeks. "Grandpa had just given it to me, saying that since I was an Aoyama, I had to follow the path of the blade. Then he slapped me very hard. When I cried and asked him why he'd done that, he told me it was so I would remember that moment for the rest of my life. I think he stole the idea from the Orlando Bloom Crusades movie."

"Cute," Chigusa deadpanned.

"Grandpa never placed high hopes on me, though. He was always angry because he had no sons, and thought the family lineage would die with us. He had adopted Eishun-sama, but it wouldn't be the same thing, of course…" the young girl went on.

"My father was the same," Fasalina nodded. "He was so disappointed in me he sold me to the geisha house. Of course, there was also the fact we were about to die of hunger…"

Chigusa wondered when Mad Hatter had become the sanest, second most normal person in her group.

"Please, Fasalina-han, this is _my_ story," the sword master chided, with a cute pout. "You always can tell us your lovely saga of gangbangs and barely avoiding lethal diseases later. As I was saying, Grandpa didn't want to have anything to do with me personally, so he sent me to study under his friend Kotsubo-sensei."

"Ah," the Hatter crossed his fingers together. "And he was the one to teach you all your fantastic skills, Alice?"

"Well, he taught me a lot," Tsukuyomi reminisced. "Like I said, I studied under him. And on him. And standing before him. And sitting on his lap. And—"

Michael made a shocked face all of a sudden. "Wait, what?"

Tsukuyomi sighed. "We studied everywhere. In the backyard, in his garden, in his bedroom, in the bath… And in between we'd practice kendo too."

Chigusa choked on her tea. Homura had become as pale as a ghost's bedsheet. Hatter seemed intrigued. His gang members gathered behind him didn't understand a word of Japanese, so they only chattered amongst themselves, making fun of the locals.

"Ahhh, he was so good with that sword!" Tsukuyomi cooed. "He really knew how to pierce, how to twist it in, how to pull it out and stab again. And he could keep doing it for _hours_!"

"We're still talking about kendo, aren't we?" Homura asked, daring to be hopeful.

Sextum glanced at her blandly. "What else could she be talking about?"

Tsukuyomi put a finger on her lips. "To this day, I still don't know if Grandpa knew or not. I guess he eventually suspected something, since he had me sent to live with Hime-sama after a few years of that. You know, if he really wanted a son that much, he just had to wait! I wouldn't have minded giving him one if it meant he'd finally love me!"

Michael grimaced horribly and put a hand on his stomach. Hatter made a thoughtful humming sound. Chigusa and Homura looked as if they had just seen the Devil himself. "Too… Decadent… Habits-y…" Homura moaned.

"How could you give him a son?" Sextum asked. "I was unaware you had access to construct-creating equipment."

Chigusa, Michael, Fasalina and Mad Hatter all blinked.

Amagasaki then leaned on Homura. "She… She doesn't know anything about human reproduction yet?"

The girl from another world shook her head. She looked at her mistress then. "Please ask Dynamis-sama."

The pale girl nodded. "I understand."

It was the thing her followers usually told her when faced with that kind of conundrums, after all.

_Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Dynamis had a sudden feeling he'd better stock up on aspirins before his prized construct's return._

"Meeting Oneesama was love at first sight!" Tsukuyomi's voice fluttered gleefully. "She was everything I could hope for in someone else. She was strong, good with a sword, pretty and… not human," she smirked in a devious way.

"Pardon?" Michael asked.

"Never mind, Michael-kun! Regardless, I could tell Oneesama liked me too. She never had a family of her own, after all, no matter how hard Motoko-sempai and Tsuruko-sempai tried. We were so happy for a while! And even happier after moving to Hime-sama's big fancy house! It was weird to have someone loving you without sticking things into you, but I adapted."

Hatter dried his eyes with a tissue. "Beautiful! Perfectly beautiful!"

"Yes, we were inseparable, the three of us! Sure, Hime-sama would disliked it when I tossed stones at the birds, or when I tried to hit the servants' children with my boken, but I complied, because true love conquers all, doesn't it? Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, boast, or be proud, it does not dishonor others, be self-seeking, easily angered, keep no record of wrongs, delight in evil…"

Homura rolled her eyes sarcastically.

Tsukuyomi just kept going. "Love never fails! When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure! Faith! Hope! And Love! And the greatest of these is Love!"

 _Somewhere, Matoi sneezed_.

"Okay, where's the obligatory sinister twist?" Chigusa grew dryly impatient to just get it over with.

And Tsukuyomi's eyes grew somber, as if on cue. Her hat slipped down a bit, obscuring her features.

"We all loved each other. I never had any issue with Hime-sama loving Oneesama. Or Oneesama loving Hime-sama."

A pause, and then her voice seethed, like that of an inhuman beast.

"But our love was supposed to be equal and fair in all directions!"

Chigusa rolled her eyes. "Called it."

Small hands clutched her sword's handle. "They weren't supposed to like each other more than they liked me. So I had to do it, right? Hime-sama was being mean, taking all of Oneesama's love for herself, leaving me behind, so far behind. She had no right, even if she was a princess, and when I asked her to stop being so mean, she only giggled and acted as if she had no idea at all. She mocked me, she was so bad…"

Hansel and Gretel were nodding with sympathy, while Michael's ill gut feeling grew again.

"So as soon as she turned her back to me, I pushed her, and that's the only crime I'll ever regret. Not because she didn't deserve it, because she did, but because it made Oneesama hate me…"

"Wait, you pushed her into a—?" Homura asked.

Tsukuyomi's eyes glinted. "It wasn't a very deep river. I was sure Onesama, always so able and strong, could rescue her, but Oneesama was weak, and Eishun-sama had to do it. And Konoeko-sama was mad, and she called me the devil's child. She never liked us too much, see? She kicked me out, and it hurt so much, in my soul, in my heart, in—"

She breathed in and out, very deeply, very quick, eyes growing red before calming back down, fixing a saintly smile on her face.

"But it's all okay now! I've forgiven Hime-sama, and looks like she doesn't remember I pushed her, so we can resume from where we left!"

Michael, Chigusa and Homura made identical disgusted expressions. Sextum kept her stoical flat face, not really getting it. Hatter and Fasalina hummed thoughtfully.

"What did you do from there, my dear Alice?" Tetch offered her another cup of tea.

Tsukuyomi accepted the tea with a polite bow. "Well, I was sent back to Kotsubo-sensei's side! And there, I learned the final lesson I ever needed from him…"

...

**The Wisdom of Romance.**

"Okay then, Nodoka!" Haruna told her, grabbing Miyazaki by the shoulders. "This is it! Your great chance! Your golden ticket! Your passage way to ecstasy! Yue and me will distract Asuna and Iincho, and the rest's a piece of cake!"

"Don't forget Makie," Yue said. "She **did** kiss Sensei yesterday, so she shouldn't be overlooked…"

Haruna waved a hand. "All we need to distract Makie-chan is tying anything shiny to a branch and telling her to play with it."

Nodoka sweatdropped. "Um, girls, I appreciate your help immensely, but I've… I've been having second thoughts about this, and… and I…"

Yue and Haruna leveled cold glares on her.

"W-W-What…?" Nodoka stammered.

"Don't make me slap you," Paru hissed.

"Don't make me _let_ her slap you, Nodoka," Yue added.

"You too, Yue?-!" Nodoka gasped. "P-Please, keep things in perspective! We should be happy with just… enjoying Negi-sensei's f-f-friendship! Otherwise, we might regret our actions!"

"You'll regret if you leave the path open to all your competition, silly girl!" Haruna chided. "Do you think Iincho and Makie are going to sit back and do nothing until Negi-kun is of legal age? Often, if you want something, you must gamble! Take risks! Bend a few laws!"

"On second thought, maybe Nodoka has a point…" Yue began to consider.

"Nonsense!" Haruna barked. "Like Auntie Shampoo always says, 'Sometimes, to get your man, you must break down a few walls, invade his personal space, and terrorize your rivals a little'! It may look ugly, but in the War Of Love, you take the bad along with the good!" She tightened a fist in a clearly Ranma-esque way. "Don't back off, Nodoka-chan! I'll be with you every step of the road! Even if you're caught in the act, I'll spring you outta jail with Auntie Kodachi's contacts!"

"Didn't she used to say 'Other woman are obstacles! Obstacles are for killing!'?" Yue asked.

"She hasn't talked that way since I was a child!" Haruna protested.

Nodoka began to hyperventilate at the idea of being socially-branded seductress of minors, not to mention sharing a cell with big burly manly girls who looked like Kenshiro with pigtails…

"Not helping at all, Haruna!" Yue said.

...

**Life is Its Own Punishment and Reward, Part 2**

"Well," Tsukuyomi reassumed his narrative, "When I returned to Kotsubo-sensei's home, he seemed very, very happy to see me again. Either was, or there was a kodachi in his poc—"

Chigusa interrupted her, holding a hand up. "A moment, please." Then she addressed Sextum. "Averruncus-han, go find Kotaro-han and go patrol the very outer perimeter with him. The very limits of it. We… might have intruders any moment now."

"That makes sense," the pale girl nodded and stood up. "I'll report on anything I happen to notice," she informed before leaving.

Tsukuyomi scowled. "I thought this hideout was completely safe and impossible to find!"

"I have my standards," Chigusa said, extending a cup for Hatter to refill. The short man did so promptly.

"Thank you," Homura said sincerely.

Tsukuyomi waved a finger. "You shouldn't shield children from the realities of life so much! Otherwise, they'll never grow up functional and able to hold onto jobs like me. Regardless, while Sensei seemed happy to see me at first, I couldn't help notice his teachings were harsher now. I think he was mad at me because the rumors had brought his reputation down, or because I had left him, or both. He didn't watch _Doraemon_ or snuff movies with me anymore," she lamented. "It was all practice, practice, practice now. And never the bed-type anymore."

"A true loss for all mankind," Homura snorted.

"Don't get me wrong. I loved how he tried that much harder in the sword practice now. Finally, I felt like he wanted to hurt me, to actually try, to push me to my limits. But still… he wasn't as fun anymore," the Aoyama said. "I could tell he didn't love me now. And I wondered what I had done wrong this time."

"I think you do at least seventy wrong things each morning before breakfast, and I've known you for less than a month," Homura replied bluntly, ignoring the truly killing glares Hansel and Gretel were shooting her way.

"Then one morning, he looked as if he had changed back. I could tell he had done some long… hard… deep… mmmmm… thinking the night before, and he had come to a conclusion regarding me. He took me back to our old favorite room and showed me a…"

The ensuing words made everyone in the room but those who didn't understand Japanese spit out their tea.

"… he then tied me to the bed, keeping my legs free so I could kick around. He liked it when I kicked, and I played along," Tsukuyomi reminisced sweetly. "Then he pulled out a…"

The gestures she made while narrating the next part were enough to make the Wonderland gang understand she was saying some really twisted and sickening stuff. That impression was helped by the way Mad Hatter had paled, his eyes growing wide, his forehead glistening with sweat. And not in his usual way.

"… Sensei couldn't have enough of that, though, and he turned me around…"

Seven words after, Homura grabbed her stomach, held a hand over her mouth, and ran for the bathroom. Oblivious, Tsukuyomi continued.

"… When we were done with that, he forced my mouth open, and…"

The way Hatter's hands shook now worried his gang's members. The obese Walrus fidgeted, unsure of what to do. The slim, young woman in the Carpenter clothes chewed on her lower lip, fearing the worst. The towering, simple Humpty Dumpty was the only one dumb enough to only smile good naturedly, enjoying the bright expressions of the pretty girl. Twedledee and Twedledum bit their finger nails.

Tsukuyomi looked at them and chirped in a choppy English learned after years of jobs for foreigners, "By way, if you want know what I saying, I saying about man who once—"

Her translation work was enough to make the Carpenter shriek, the Walrus shrill like a girl, and Dee and Dum weep. And not only for the grammar.

Then she returned to Japanese for the big finish. "— and then, after I wiped my body clean, I could see he was getting ready for the money shot. The big finish. The ultimate thrill. He'd bought out the body glitter and was making practice saying 'Edward'. But I wasn't ready yet, see? I still had a lot to live for! Like Oneesama. And Hime-sama. So I did it before he could."

She giggled very cutely. "It was my first time. At killing, I mean. It helped it was for a good cause. It felt… way better than anything I'd ever done before. Or anything I'd do after, for that matter. They say the first time is always the sweetest, and I've got to agree. Oh, Sensei. You were my first in so many things. I'll always will be grateful to your memory…!"

Hansel and Gretel swooned.

Chigusa had hidden her face between her hands.

Mad Hatter was dropping pill after pill into his cup of tea.

Tsukuyomi lifted an index finger and chirped. "Then I took all his stashed cash, ran away, and set up my own business! I knew no one would look after me the way he had, so I had to start looking after myself like a big girl! Luckily, it all worked out in the end, and I even got to meet people as nice as you all!"

Michael slumped down on his chair, trembling, and wondering what was he doing there exactly.

Homura's voice came from the bathroom. "Ugh, I don't remember ever eating this!"

**Triple Date**

The Treasure House, Natsumi decided, was not as a romantic place as she had hoped, after all. Negi-sensei seemed to like it a lot, however, so she supposed it was okay. Or rather, it would have been if only Honya-chan hadn't been there as well.

She didn't dislike Nodoka at all, although they hardly ever talked to each other, but she had to get her out off the way somehow and soon, before Asuna's short attention span ran out and she returned bringing Konoka along. The problem was how to do it without being too obvious. Argh, it was frustrating! Chizu-nee was supposed to be the swiftly devious schemer, not her! She couldn't do this on her own!

"Ahhh... The patterns on this wall are very pretty, aren't they...?" Nodoka was asking, struggling to get the words out.

"Yes, they are!" Negi nodded enthusiastically.

"Ah, yes!" Natsumi remembered Chizu-nee's advice on jumping onto any chance that came along. "I... I think I'd like to decorate my walls like that when I marry!"

"Ah, ha ha ha! Y-Yes, me too!" Nodoka agreed. "I mean, someday! N-Not like I've thought a lot about that yet!"

"O-Of course!" Natsumi said. "Err, I don't mean you're unfit for marriage or anything, Honya-chan! It's just, uh, you, I mean we, are still too young for that!"

"D-Definitely!" Nodoka nodded clumsily.

Negi thought they looked uneasy for some reason, and decided to act on it. "Um, aren't you feeling hot in here...?"

"N-N-NO!-!" both girls cried at once.

Negi blinked, and then laughed shakily. "Oh! Oh, I see. I guess it's just me, then. Never mind..."

Natsumi blinked. "Oh! But... if you're feeling hot... I mean, if you're feeling it's too hot here, wh-why don't we go out and walk around to refresh ourselves? Y-You come from Wales, so I suppose you'll feel better in colder climates..."

"W-well, not so cold, but yes," he admitted.

Nodoka inhaled and said. "L-Let's go see the koi ponds! I've always liked those!"

Then she eeped, seeing two black ahoge peeking from behind a large tea set display, twitching around behind Negi and Natsumi's backs. Almost panicking, she started to herd them out before they could notice anything. "Y-Yes, and I just remembered they, they close in half a hour! So let's better hurry, okay?"

Natsumi blinked a few times. "Exactly how do they close a pond?"

"I don't know, but I don't want to find out!" Nodoka said, all but pushing them out with herself.

Once they were gone, Haruna's head peeked out, and she made a disapproving sound with her tongue.

Meanwhile, at the Buddha, Konoka looked in all directions. "Eh? Where did Paru-chan go?"

Yue groaned to herself. "We can't take our eyes off her for a single minute..."

Asuna put her hands together and bowed her head to the Buddha statue. "Ah, she's gone already? My first prayer was granted!"

**Three's a Crowd**

"It's a pretty pond," Nodoka pondered, in a statement for the ages.

"Yeah, it is," Natsumi gloriously expanded.

They crossed their arms behind their backs and twiddled their fingers nervously, while looking down at the pond.

Negi, on the other hand, was fascinated, crouching before the pond and watching the world under the surface with childlike wonder. His eyes followed each fish as they passed around, his mouth half-open cutely. "Uwaaa! Look, look, it's all so amazing! I could spend the whole day here...!"

Natsumi and Nodoka both cringed at that statement.

"When I have a house of my own, I'll get one of these for my backyard...!" he mused, happiness evident in each word.

Now that put both girls' imaginations to work.

_"N-N-Negi-husband-sensei, your lunch is ready!" a kimono-clad Nodoka said as she stepped into the backyard's porch. Her husband looked up at her, smiling, and still patting the head of the pet crocodile he had been feeding._

_"Oh, I'm going right now, Nodoka-wife-san!" Negi stood up from his crouching position. The crocodile inhabiting the pond made a fond sound that almost was a bark._

_Yue and Haruna peeked out behind Nodoka, both of them wearing matching kimonos. "Hurry up, the main dish's getting cold..." Yue said._

_"What's the dessert?" Negi asked._

_Haruna purred, parting the slitof her kimono, baring some succulent skin. "Oh, it's you and Nodo-chan's favorite. Yuecchi and Paru-chan coated on honey..."_

Nodoka shook her head violently. Darn that Paru influence! Always finding its way even into her dreams for the future! For starters, normal loving couples owned no crocodiles; no matter what Paru's auntie Kodachi said! And then, normal loving couples were couples! That meant two! Not three or four! Two!

She looked over to see Natsumi standing there with a blank expression fixed into the distance. A bit worried, Nodoka touched her on a shoulder. "Murakami-san?"

Natsumi snapped back into reality abruptly. "Okay, Chizu-nee, you win! You can play in the pond with us, and you need no clo—!" She blinked and blushed. "Ah, ah, um, I mean—!"

"I-I won't judge you!" Nodoka looked away, bright red herself.

Negi looked up from the pond. "Huh? You were saying something, Miyazaki-san, Murakami-san?"

"N-Nothing!" they chorused. Chamo, sneaking around Negi's feet, only made a snickering sound.

Then a loud announcement blared over the speakers. "Murakami Natsumi-san, you are requested by a classmate of yours at the information center! She asks to meet you privately, alone!" the male voice said, making Natsumi wonder frantically. Was that Chizu-nee? Who else could it be? But then, why? And should she—

She turned around to Negi and Nodoka. "Um, I'm sure it must be Chizu-nee! I'll go see what she wants, but I'll be back right now!"

Still worried about more of his students being ambushed, Negi jumped up eagerly. "We'll go with you!"

"I repeat, privately, all alone, with no one else around!" the voice from the speakers repeated.

Natsumi blinked. "Well, err, I'm sure she has her reasons! It won't take long, I'm sure! Y-You have fun in the meanwhile, just don't wander off, and don't kis- I mean, don't stray too far away, okay?"

"But—" Negi still doubted, only to be interrupted by the sight of Chamo jumping onto Natsumi's shoulder.

"I'll be fine, Sensei!" the drama club member patted the ermine's head. "I'll be safe if I'm with Chamo-san, won't I? After all, what's the worst that could happen on the way there and back?"

"Well... yeah, sure," Negi relented. At the very least, Chamo would contact them if something bad happened, which he guessed was relatively unlikely. Why would anyone ever go after Murakami-san?

At the information booth, Haruna chuckled and went for the door. "Well, thanks for the favor, Mister! You're such a cutie!"

The young man with the pockmarked face blinked. "Wait, aren't you going to wait here for your friend?"

"Oh! Oh, of course I will!" Haruna lied very badly. "It's just I, um, have to visit the ladies' room in the meanwhile! If she gets here before I do, please tell her to wait for my return! Thanks, you're so kind!" she slipped away before he even could open his mouth again.

As she hurried away, she cackled to herself. She had done it! The perfect foolproof situation for Sensei and Nodoka! Now all it needed was the final touch to be complete...

….

….

**Crouching Nodoka, Flying Haruna**

Nodoka shifted uneasily on her feet, looking antsy and nervous, while an oblivious Negi continued crouching down before the nearest koi pond, looking into it with huge, fascinated eyes. She wondered if she should say something, anything, now Natsumi wasn't near, but a combination of her crippling fear and a desire to be a fair competitor kept her mouth firmly shut, until her inner Yue got sick of it and began pummeling the back of her brain with a particularly thick and heavy book ( _Howe To Gett Nodokas To Talke_ , 3732 pages). Only then did the wallflower librarian decided to act.

"Ne... Negi-sensei?"

"Yes, Miyazaki-san?"

"Well, ah, I've been thinking a lot about many things in... in my life lately. And I be-believe I've made an important decision on my future..."

He stood up and smiled at her. "Well, congratulations! It's good to see you've already decided on a career! It shows how responsible you are, Miyazaki-san!"

"Ah! Ah, n-no, it isn't that!" she squealed. "I know it's very important, but I was thinking about another thing!"

"Oh, I see! Sorry for jumping to conclusions, I won't do it again. Well, in that case, it's good to see you've decided on a place to live after graduation..."

"N-No! It isn't that either!" Nodoka said.

He shrunk back. "Ah! Sorry, I jumped to conclusions again! Please, tell me what have you decided, Miyazaki-san!"

She took in a very, very deep breath and opened her suddenly dry mouth. "I... I think... No, I'm sure... I... I love..."

"Ehhhhh?" Negi's eyes shrunk down.

And finally, Nodoka blurted it out rapidly, closing her eyes tight.

"I LOVE PUPPIES, AND I WANT TO BUY SEVERAL!"

Negi was silent for a long while, trying to process the non sequitur, before regaining a very bright smile. "I see! So you want to be an animal lover! That's a very sweet thing for a girl to do, Miyazaki-san!"

Then the loud sound of a body hitting the ground and leaves rustling startled them, making them turn around. They saw Haruna lying facefirst in a heave of fallen leaves under a dying tree, with her fingers in that goofy hand gesture all Ranma characters do after being hit or suffering through an indignity.

"P-P-PARU!" Nodoka cried.

"Saotome-san!" Negi rushed to her side. "Are you okay?"

"Ah ha ha ha!" The mangaka came back to her feet, shaking leaves off her hair. "Why, of course I am! I only stumbled and fell on my way here, that's all!"

"What... What are you doing here, Paru?" Nodoka asked.

"Well, Asuna, Konoka and Yuecchi went to buy drinks, but I wasn't thirsty, so I came back to see what were you doing!" Haruna lied in a way that would have been perfectly convincing to anyone who didn't know her well. So, only Negi. "Oh, and by the way, I ran into Chizuru and Natsumi on my way here! They were going to explore the Botanical Gardens with Iincho and Makie, Sensei! Natsumi told me she was sorry to leave like that, but asked you to enjoy your time with Nodoka!"

"Okay," Negi nodded. He _thought_ Natsumi had started to look somewhat bored by the ponds...

To avoid the same thing repeating itself with Nodoka and Haruna, he asked, "In that case, what if we move on to visit another part of the park?"

"That's a great idea!" Haruna chirped. "I know the perfect place! There's a small passage near here, and they say anyone who passes through it will become smarter and have all their wishes come true!"

"Really?-!" Negi's eyes grew to Gigantic Shoujo size, with pastel bubbles and images of his father standing proudly before him flying all around.

Haruna nodded. "A-Yep! Follow me, Yue-chan showed me the way in her travel guide!" She began guiding them, making a huge devilish grin as soon as her back was to them.

Piece of cake! This would work even if Nodoka's shyness did its worst to spoil it!

….

**It's a Trap!**

"Hello," the freckled, brown-haired head peeked inside of the room. "I'm Murakami Natsumi..."

"Ah, yes, come in!" the pockmarked boy nodded. "Your friend had to go use the restroom, but she said she'd be back soon."

"Okay, thank you." She sat on the chair he was gesturing to. "Did... Did she tell you her name?"

"Ah, yeah. She said she was... Naba Chizuru."

 _I knew it,_ Natsumi thought. _Why did you push me into a date only to pull me out later, Chizu-nee? Is this what they call 'trolling'?_

_Elsewhere, in Mundus Magicus, in the land of Equestria, Princess Celestia sneezed for some reason. She paid it no attention._

They waited for a few long and uneasy moments of silence.

"She is... sure taking a long while," Natsumi finally said, just to say something.

"Y-Yeah. Should I ask for her?"

"N-No, Chizu-nee wouldn't leave me hanging like—"

Then a tiny hideous idea nagged on the back of her mind.

"Please tell me, how was she?" she asked.

"Ah? Well, she was tall, with a big chest..."

 _Yeah, definitely Chizu-nee,_ Murakami felt relieved.

"... bright eyes, always smiling..."

_No doubt, it was Chizu-nee!_

"... but there was something kinda scary about her despite her kindness..."

_It's confirmed!_

"... a big chest..."

_100%!_

"... she wore glasses..."

_Just like— Wait, WHAT?-!_

"... long black hair falling to her waist..."

_No! NOT HER!_

"... Did I mention she had a big chest?"

"D-D-Did she have two ahoge on the top of her head?-!" Natsumi squeaked.

"Oh, yes, she did!"

"Did she flirt with you?"

"A bit, actually, b-but—!"

Natsumi stood up from the chair so abruptly the ermine on her shoulder fell on his face into the floor. "HARUNA!"

"— Whut?" the boy blurted, but before he knew it, the pretty girl had turned around and stormed off angrily.

"Was it something I said?" he wondered aloud.

"Girls don't like when you talk about other girls' breasts," a male voice told him.

He blinked in shock. "What? That may be true but— WHO SAID THAT?-!"

He looked in all directions, never noticing the ermine slipping out the door and after the young tourist...

Chamo sniffed his way until he found Natsumi standing at the spot where she had left Negi and Nodoka. There was no one there now, and Natsumi stood livid, her face hanging low and her fists tightened at her sides. Coming closer, Chamo could see there was a definite wetness in those eyes she tried to keep focused apart on nothing and definitely no one in particular.

 _That was very mean of Paru-nee..._ the ermine thought, taking pity on the young actress. _I'm sorry for Honya-neechan, but I'll have to tip the scales a bit..._

Chamo pranced around Natsumi wagging his tail, and sniffing grandly and noisily in the direction Negi had taken. At first, Natsumi paid him absolutely no attention, until he nibbled on her right foot to snap her out of her saddened daze.

"Eh?" she blinked back to reality. "W-What is it, Chamo-kun? Something happened? Someone fell into a well?"

 _I'M NOT LASSIE, SIS!_ he thought while pointing over and over at the trail, hoping she'd get the clue.

"Ah, I see! You can smell your master's trail, can't you? Of course!" she brightened back up. "Take me with him, please, Chamo-kun!"

Had she just seen him actually nodding before leading her away? She had to be imagining things...

She followed him either way.

….

**Meanwhile...**

_Ohtori_

"And so, this is my new roommate, Takumi-kun," Tokiha Mai explained to her wide eyed little brother. "Please, um... say hello to Himemiya Anthy-san."

"The... The sister of the Dean?" a bewildered Takumi looked up and down at the docile looking dark skinned girl sitting next to his sister. A tiny and cutely ugly monkey-mouse thing ate a banana right behind her. "B-But how...?"

"She won me in a sword duel, and now I'm her fiancee," Anthy bowed formally to the red-haired boy. "Pleased to meet you, Takumi-sama."

"..." Takumi said.

"D-Don't pay too much attention to the 'Fiancee' part, please..." Mai asked weakly.

"Um, all right..." Takumi was glad to relent there. "Since when are you good with a sword, Oneechan?"

"Since yesterday, apparently..." Mai confessed.

Late that afternoon, Takumi's black haired roommate looked up from the book _he_ had been reading as soon as _he_ noticed him dragging his feet into the room. "Hey. What happened? You looked happy when you left to visit your sister..."

"Akira-kun..."

"Yes?"

"Can you recommend me something to teach my sister speed sword fighting, before she's killed in a duel next week...?"

Akira rubbed _his_ chin. "Now that I think about it, Father once mentioned he owned some black market videos on the subject..."

"…"

"What?"

"Wow… I didn't actually think you'd be able to _answer_ …!"

Late the next day, Mai grunted, practicing with a broomstick as she tried to pay attention to the **Practical Killing Sword Lessons with Tsukuyomi-chan!** video Takumi's roommate had lent her. "I'm not sure this is proper sword fighting at all, much less legit stuf— Oh my God! She just cut that poor guy's arm off!"

Anthy smiled pleasantly as she set a cup of tea down for Mai. "Ah, Oniisama is a big fan of those videos, too. Good to see you share interests, Mai-sama..."

"Why does this video have loli-porn at the end?"

"Ah, those are my brother's favorite parts too…"

….

….

**Ah! You're all the Way Inside, Negi!**

"This is it? It looks a bit narrow," Negi observed. "Are you really sure it's safe, Saotome-san?"

"Hmmm, I don't see why not," Haruna shrugged, looking down at the small square orifice at the pilar's base. "After all, it's a tourist spot, and they'd have closed it if it was dangerous. I'll tell you what!" she chirped. "I'll go first! Since I'm the biggest one of the three of us, if I can pass through, so can you!"

"Be careful, Paru!" Nodoka asked, as Haruna laughed easily and got on all fours, crawling through the hole with no fear. As she did so, she closed her eyes and repeated a wish in her head fervently.

_Please let Nodo-chan and Negi-kun hook up. Please let Nodo-chan and Negi-kun hook up. Please let Nodo-chan and Negi-kun hook up. Please..._

Before even herself knew it, she was out already. "Ta-daa! See, you worrywarts? Nothing to fear there! Now you, Nodo-chan!"

"Okay!" Nodoka nodded with a very wide smile, and passed in through as well, easily.

"Your turn, Negi-sensei!" Haruna prodded him.

"Yes, of course!" Now sold to the idea, Negi went in quickly, maybe too quickly as a matter of fact, thinking about a reunion with his father and going in so eagerly he didn't mind his movements all that well for once.

Haruna and Nodoka waited for him to come out. After some moments, Negi's head and arms peeked out, but he had a troubled expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" Haruna asked him.

"I think I'm stuck!" he made a strangled sound.

"EEEHH?-!" said the girls.

"How can you be stuck? You're much smaller than us!" Haruna asked.

"Y-Yes, but my staff is very big and long! I think it got stuck, and it hooked me in!" He tried to pull himself free. "Ahhh! I can't get out!"

"Your... staff...? Very big and... long?" Haruna nearly drooled before shaking her head. "Oh, you mean that staff you're always carrying on your back."

Negi blinked. "What else could I mean?"

"Yeah. What else?" Haruna sighed, crouching down next to Nodoka to tug on his arms. "Honestly, why couldn't you set the thing down before crawling in? Why do you feel you always must carry that thing on you?"

"It's... difficult to explain... AH!" he made a gasping sound as the girls pulled on him. "Not so hard, please! Be gentle!"

"I-I'm sorry, Negi-sensei!" Nodoka choked.

Coming closer, Natsumi heard their voices before she turned a corner.

"You're still quite stuck in there, Sensei," Haruna was observing. "That stick of yours is definitely bigger than needed. You sure you've never accidentally hurt anyone with it?"

"O-Of course not!" he groaned in apparent pain.

Natsumi became paralyzed. What?

"Let's see, maybe if you move around just a bit, we can find a better angle to get it out..." Nodoka analyzed. "Oh, yes, like that! I think I can grab it and pull it out from here!"

"Ah!" Negi gasped. "N-No good! I think it got hooked in my pants!"

Natsumi blinked repeated times.

"Here, let me stick my hand in," Haruna said, reaching into the hole herself and touching around. "Mmm, what's this? It's a bit small to be—"

Negi gulped violently. "N-Not there, Saotome-san!" he cried, blushing like a rose. "Higher! Higher!"

"Oops! Sorry!" Haruna giggled while Nodoka almost fainted. "Urgh, it's really stuck. And yeah, it's definitely tangled in your pants. Can't you take them off?"

"W-What?-!" Negi screamed. Natsumi and Nodoka began to hyper ventilate.

"Well, I can't take them off for you!" Haruna withdrew her hand from the very tight space. "It's too narrow in here! Ah!" she looked at some dirt from the pasage's inside, which had stuck on her fingers. "What's this thing in my fingers now?"

Natsumi had the most vivid mental images. Her feet refused to move her forward. Chamo blew steam from his nose.

"O-Okay, if there's no alternative..." Negi began fumbling with his belt, clumsily. "B-But look away, will you? I've never done this before a girl before... except when Chisame-san bathes me..."

 _Chisame-san?-!_ Natsumi's mind screamed.

Or that one night in the woods with Mana and Shiho, Negi reminisced, but it was much better not bringing that up now. Or possibly ever.

After a brief silence, Negi's voice spoke again. "There. I think I should be able to pull out now... Ngh! Still somewhat tangled!"

"We'll help you, Sensei!" Haruna offered. "Nodoka, grab him over there! I'll do it from this side!"

"Y-Y-Yes!" Nodoka agreed as best as he could. "Nnnghh! Y-you're heavier than you look, Negi-sensei!"

"We're almost there!" Haruna panted. "Ah! Ah! Yes!"

That did it. Throwing all caution aside, the actress stormed in angrily. "WH-What the devil do you think you're—?-!"

The librarians looked at her, startled, as they almost had pulled Negi all the way out. The shock made Nodoka lose her balance, and she stumbled back with a shriek, pulling Negi and, by extension, Haruna along with her.

Natsumi made a horrified sound as she saw them all falling in a heap at her feet. Negi's pants were down all the way by his ankles, his wooden staff still caught in his belt. His Bob the Builder boxers were showing, his butt slightly thrusted up as he fell with his face half-buried in Nodoka's small chest. In turn, Nodoka couldn't even talk, since Haruna had fallen sitting on her face, a faceful of racy panties blocking Nodoka's mouth...

Natsumi paled hideously and fainted in the spot.

And then all hell broke loose.

AGAIN!

….

"Huh," Deathnote said, looking at the fallout. "Well, that could have gone better…"

"We should have just let Iinchou stick her nose in…" Valkyrie agreed.

Purple frowned. "Why is Natsumi interested in their Negi-sensei?"

The two blinked at her. "What?-!-?-!-?-!" they chorused.

Nodoka blushed slightly. "Trust me, I know the look…"

"Hey!" Erebus greeted them, AngelGARd in tow. "What'd we miss?"

….

**Trouble in Paradise**

"I can't believe you actually did that!" Yue had lost her usual composure as she paced up and down their room at the inn, small fists balled up tight. "I know I agreed on helping getting Asuna and Konoka out of the way, but supplanting Naba-san and fooling Murakami-san like that? That was low, Haruna! What were you thinking?"

"Hey, I didn't have a lot of time to contemplate alternatives, and Natsumi was ruining the date!" Paru defended herself.

"Nodoka and Negi-sensei could always have done it another day!" Yue argued. "But now, she's been disgraced in his eyes, and Murakami-san will hate us, no doubt!"

"It was only a little accidental physical contact, not Armageddon! And I thought you were unconcerned about what others thought of you," Haruna shot back.

"Yes, but Nodoka's another matter entirely! She didn't deserve this, Haruna! And it's all because your meddling!"

"Nodo-chan understands! She knows some times even the best laid plans don't work the way we expected them to, don'tcha, Nodo-chan?"

The downcast looking girl sitting in the futon in the corner blinked. "Ah? Ah, y-yes, Paru, of course, I don't blame you... I know you had good intentions..."

"See? If she can understand, why can't you?"

"Stop doing that!" Ayase told her.

"Doing what?"

"Taking advantage of Nodoka's kindness! You know she's too nice to tell you what you truly deserve being told!"

"Are you implying she's _lying_ just for my sake?"

"I'm saying you're manipulating her knowing she doesn't have the heart to hurt your feelings!"

"Please, girls, don't fight..." Nodoka pleaded weakly.

"I'm not putting a gun to her head! If she were angry with me, she'd be welcome to tell me so!" Haruna argued back, the heat rising.

"Well, I'm telling you so, and why are you so angry at me? I'm not welcome to speak my mind, then?"

"I'm not angry at you!"

"You sure sound that way, Haruna!"

"No, you're the one angry at me, and yelling at me!"

"Girls, girls, please...!" Nodoka begged. "It's not worth it!"

"I'm just doing what I should have done you long ago and stopping you from manipulating people!"

"I wouldn't say I'm the one who manipulates Nodo-chan the most, anyway! You're always holding her back like a watch dog, instead of pushing her to live her own life!"

"I try to protect her! You, on the other hand, just try to push her into dangerous situations with men because you have no idea how the real world works!"

"And you do?"

"At least I don't get all my notions of life from manga!"

Nodoka's head hung down. "It's pointless..."

"You don't try enough!"

"You try too much!"

"You'll turn yourself and Nodo-chan into old maids!"

"You'll turn yourself and Nodo-chan into libertines!"

"Nodo-chan needs to learn how to be independent and confident! She won't have you around all of her life!"

Now that seemed to sting Yue hard. The petite girl glanced up at Haruna in such a way that it made her actually back away.

"Ah?" Haruna blinked. "What's—"

"As always, you have no idea, do you?" Yue said. She grabbed her best friend by a hand and pulled her with herself towards the door. "Come on, Nodoka. Let's spend a few hours outside. The air in here is _tainted_."

"B-But Yue-Yue, Paru—!"

"Yeah, that's always the way with you, isn't it, Yue?" Haruna told her while stomping after them to the door. "You always know better than everyone! You're always right, no matter what—"

"Kettle. Pot. Black," Yue said, shooting Haruna a cold glare before slamming the door close on her face.

Haruna stood there, feeling as if they had just slammed the Gates of Babylon on her face instead. Eyes wide, mouth dry.

"Yue..." she whispered to herself.

Finally, with her shoulders slumping down, she made her way to the bunks. She sat on the same spot Nodoka had occupied, and buried her face between her hands.

….

**Roots**

Tenchi, Konoemon and Katsuhito stood before the giant tree dominating the landscape now.

"As impressive as ever," Konoe mused fondly. "Funaho."

"How's the Mahora bud doing?" Katsuhito asked.

Konoemon laughed. "Oh, ho ho ho! It hasn't been a bud in quite a while, and you know it. As a matter of fact, it has grown bigger than this one, although still isn't as powerful."

Tenchi's curiosity was piqued. "You have a Funaho too?"

"When I was young and traveling through the world, I planted several seeds of Funaho across the continents," their grandfather answered. "Few survived, since Earth grounds aren't fertile enough for most Juraian plants. Only two trees reached maturity. The first one was in Gotham City, and some evildoers cut it down. After that, an asylum for the criminally insane was built around it. The other one was in Mahora. Some would say an asylum for the criminally insane was _also_ built around it."

"Hey, that's my school and my students you're talking about!"

"I see," Tenchi nodded slowly. "I'd like to see it, some day."

"You're welcome there whenever you want to visit, Tenchi-kun," Konoemon said. "Omiai or not, I'm sure Konoka-chan will love to meet you."

Tenchi nodded and smiled. "I'll try to visit whenever I have some time."

Then a small furry creature hopped into sight from some bushes, going straight to Tenchi, meowing happily. "Myaa! Myaa!"

Konoemon looked down at the animal with amusement. It was covered by thick brown fur, and had long ears, a short tail and bunny legs, but its eyes and whiskers were definitely feline. "So this is the famous Ryo-Ohki!"

The creature looked back at him, sniffed his feet, then hopped up, meowing happily for him as well. "Mya mya! Mya mya mya mya! Myaaa!"

"A very friendly girl!" Konoemon picked it up and petted its head. "How do you explain her existence to your visitors?"

"Well, not that many people comes around here," Katsuhito said. "That's why I returned here, after all. Achika used to tell me it was because I was lazy and liked to work in a place where I had to assist as few visitors as possible…"

"There's also the fact only here could you keep your true relationship with Achika a secret," Konoemon accused, not bluntly, almost casually.

Tenchi blinked. "Grandma Achika? What about her?"

Konoemon looked at Katsuhito disapprovingly. "You haven't told him that part yet?"

His grandfather rasped uneasily. "He isn't ready. Maybe in a few months."

Tenchi grimaced. "I hate when you talk about the things you're hiding from me, right before me. It makes me feel like an idiot…"

Konoemon patted his back. "That's life. It also happened to your mother."

"Regardless," Katsuhito gasped. "When someone asks about Ryo-Ohki, we just tell them she's an exotic pet from Africa. It always works."

"Ryoko's ears are much harder to explain," Tenchi pointed out.

Konoemon chuckled. "Is that so? Well, maybe I should bring her over for Konoka-chan to see. You won't mind if I do, will you?"

Tenchi blinked, seeing how Ryo-Ohki nuzzled her face against Konoe's chest. "Huh? Taking her to your Academy?"

"Only for one week or two. I haven't spoiled Konoka-chan with anything unusual for a while, and she really likes amazing things," the short old man said.

"Well, I have no problems with it, but you should ask Ryoko and Washu-san before trying anything," Tenchi doubted. "They're her… sister and mother, after all."

Katsuhito turned around and began walking for the big house in the distance, next to a lake. "I figure we can discuss that over dinner."

….

**That's _Our_ Sakura**

_"Ah! Hold on, Vigilante-san! You must live to rescue Rin-Oneesama from the vile Matou clan's clutches!"_

_"It's... It's impossible... My wounds are too serious, and I'm almost out of Mana. If Rin were here, she could recharge me, but..."_

Sakura bit her lower lip. Now, how could she solve this hopeless situation she had just written themselves into? There was only one thing left to do...

_"I'll recharge your Mana! I'm not an expert mage like Oneesama, but I've been told I have a high magical potential!"_

_"But... But you don't know the proper ritual to—"_

_Sakura's face grew grimly serious. "I'll do it 'the other way' to save you and Oneesama..."_

_Her dress fluttered down to the floor._

Sakura's face grew bright red, and she briefly pondered deleting what she had just written, but she wasn't going to waste a full afternoon of hard work. If the plot and the muses had taken her that far, she'd keep on going...

_"There! Your Mana is recharged now, Vigilante-san!"_

_"Thank you! But alas, the dangers waiting for us are too big for us to handle alone!"_

_"Don't worry! I've invited Negi-sensei along to help us!"_

Sakura frowned for a moment. Why had she written Negi-sensei in as a mage? Now that was a silly concept...

Eh, she'd just pass it off as Crackfic. It worked for those OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage guys.

_Negi-sensei gently caressed Sakura's face as he took her from behind..._

_"Sakura-chan! I've just heard Rin was kidnapped in battle, and I came to offer my—"_

_"OH! S-SHIROU-SEMPAI!-!" she blushed demurely._

_"Sakura-chan, what are you doing with Vigilante-san *and* Negi-sensei?"_

_"I can explain it, Shirou-sempai!"_

Sakura's fingers danced furiously over the keyboard. Well, one hand's fingers, at least.

_"Oh, Sakura-chan! Thank you! You, Emiya-kun, Vigilante-kun and Negi-sensei have rescued me from a fate worse than death or being included in a Twilight crossover! Please accept my humble body as thanks for your collective effort!"_

_"Oh, thank you, Oneesama, but... but you mustn't! We are... AH! Oneesama! Shirou-sempai...!"_

That night, while looking through the computer looking for some homework backups she was sure she had stored somewhere, Rin found the document. Names had been changed as blandly as possible, sure, but still, there was no way to mistake them.

Her eyebrows twitched. "I'm far too OOC here..."

A grunt.

"The narrative is a gross collection of the most tired clichés in dirty fiction, not that I know anything on that subject..."

A long pause.

"And I have serious doubts Emiya-kun and Negi-sensei could ever be that big..."

She began wondering if Zouken had never managed to put at least one worm or two inside of Sakura, after all...

….

**The Case of Asakura Kazumi**

After everything she had seen early today, Asakura Kazumi was a woman with a personal mission.

Now she knew both Honya-chan and Natsumi-chan were out to declare to Negi. They had just failed horribly, but if Kazumi knew the parties behind them, and she knew them well, they'd be pushing both girls for a quick next try, before the other one could get her chance.

It was going to be a scandalous competition for illicit love at the reach of her hand and camera! The scoop of the whole school year! And she wasn't going to miss it for anything.

Now, following either of the girls was a lost cause. Not only did Chizuru, Haruna and Yue have eyes on backs of their heads and would spot her easily, but by following one of the shy girls, she risked to having the other one being the one who got Negi first. That, and honestly, it was better to watch over Negi-kun than over either of her classmates.

The redhead, clad in jeans and a casual T-shirt, walked out of her room after checking her mini camera and her microphone were safely tucked into her clothes, at hand for any moment they could come in handy. Whistling happily to herself, she roamed around for her objective until she found him exiting the building, alone. The weasel perched on his shoulder didn't count. What a stroke of luck! Surely, the girls wouldn't waste this chance to ask him out now that he didn't have Chisame or his alleged fiancé breathing on his neck…

Well, to be precise, Natsumi and Nodoka **would** waste such a chance, but the respective forces pushing them around were another matter entirely. Same difference!

Kazumi followed Negi out from a prudent distance, noticing he seemed very concerned about something, so much so he was paying little attention to his surroundings. The reporter wondered what it could be. True, he always was a worrywart, but this time, it seemed to something really serious. Maybe he already suspected the girls' mental designs for him?

She considered it.

Nahhhh…!

Then, as he was about to cross a street, a loud, terrified yelp snapped him right out of his distraction…

The yelp came from a small dog with fluffy white fur and a very long tail, which almost looked more like an overgrown cat than an actual dog. Said dog was straight in the path of an oncoming car, stupidly paralyzed in place by utter terror. The car showed no signs of slowing down.

"Oh, no!" Negi snapped back to his senses, running for the small animal, so fast the ermine fell from his shoulder and on the sidewalk. Asakura gasped aloud, horrified, sure he was going to get himself killed…

But before she could shout a warning, she saw him grabbing the dog and twisted his staff several fast times. She could make out a few words of what he was whispering. _"Rastel Maskir Magister! Flans Paries Aerialis!"_

And then, just like that, moved by a gigantic burst of air, the car flew up over their heads, spinning in the air a few times before landing with a thud on its wheels, several meters away from Negi and the animal in his arms.

Kazumi's jaw hit the floor.

The dog barked happily, and rubbed her head against Negi's chest. From her position now, Asakura could see it was a female, but that was the last thing on her mind now.

Negi ran to the dazzled, confused driver's side, noticing he smelled of liquor, and had a few lipstick marks on his cheeks. "Are you okay, sir?"

"Ah?" the man blinked a few times. "Ah, yes. Fine… What was that? I think I had an accident…"

Then a young blond woman with long hair, wearing shorts, a flimsy T-shirt and a green jacket over it, ran in doubling a corner, rushing to the accident's site and slamming a fist on the driver's face.

"BAAAAKAAAAAA!" she screamed, so loud and shrill Asakura winced. "I SAW EVERYTHING, BUT THE HIGHLY STRANGE KINDA MAGICAL PART! YOU KILLER TRIED TO KILL MY FOOD RESERVE AND HAVE HER KILLED! BUT HAH! AND HAH! THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE FIST OF ACROSS PUNISHES YOU NOW! HAIL ACROSS! HAIL LORD IL PALAZZOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!"

Negi blinked, even as the driver gurgled dumbly, jaw hanging almost loose. The dog in his arms howled in panic and tried to squirm free. "M-Ma'am? Are you—"

The girl yanked the dog away from him, making the animal to howl even more, attempting to escape frantically. "OH, MENCHI! MY POOR EMERGENCY RESERVE! Excel is so happy to see you again, healthy, safe, sound and still useful to ACROSS and Lord Il Palazzo's dream!" She turned to Negi and slapped his shoulders, laughing. "THANK YOU, CUTE SHOTARO BOY WHO APPEARED JUST AS A RANDOM WIND BLEW TO SAVE MENCHI! Excel and ACROSS are in debt with you! Won't you join our ultra secret evil organization for the betterment of this wretched, corrupted world and its wretched, corrupted mankind? ACROSS could use some brave and pinchable young men like you so Excel can have Yaoi fantasies about you and Lord Il Palazzo, I mean, so we can save and purify the world!"

Negi's eyes became blank points. "Ah?"

"This is our calling card!" the blonde stuff a card into his breast pocket, winking. "Call us whenever you want! ACROSS will make a real man out of you, just like they did to Excel! Except they made Excel (that's me) a woman! Not that Excel, that's it me, was a man before, but a girl! Excel is so fantastic now, she can be in Kyoto now despite being in F City the chapter before (excluding the What If chapter, which isn't canon)! That's the power of ACROSS and that of Excel's love for ACROSS and our supreme leader Lord Il Palazzo! Well, just look at the time, just like with this driver, Excel's role is over now, although with any luck I'll return later for another pointless cameo, unlike this loser!" She casually punched the slurring driver's face once more. "And if you're left with any questions after this, read the Excel Saga manga or watch the anime, cheap jerks!"

"Who… Who are you talking to?" Negi asked, scared out of his wits. Not even Enraged Evangeline wasn't as… disturbing… as this girl.

"I already said too much! Sorry!" Excel blew a kiss to him, then sped away down the street with a lamenting Menchi tucked under her arm. Negi scratched his head and wondered what had all of that been about, even as the driver, was apprehended by a randomly passing-by police officer.

"License and registration, sir?" Negi heard as he snuck away. "Ah, let's see… Senou Kaede…? Wait, aren't you… AH! MUTAN—"

Chamo hopped back on his shoulder. "Tch. Some dames are too weird even for my tastes. But you shoulda avoided using that showy magic in public, Bro!"

Negi pouted. "Look who's talking, Chamo! You shouldn't speak in the open, either! And it was either doing that or allowing the puppy to die!"

"I've a feeling you have doomed her to a fate worse than death…" the ermine shared.

 _Th-Th-The weasel is TALKING!_ Asakura thought in her hiding place, heart thumping quickly.

"Anyway, everything worked out fine in the end, since no one saw us!" Negi summed up, mounting his staff and flying up on it, heading back to the Inn. "How convenient!"

"Just make sure to land far from the building, Bro…" Chamo was saying.

Down below at street level, Kazumi stared and stared with a fully open mouth.

Then she chewed on her lower lip, tightening her fists against her chest.

Forget the news of the year! She had the news of the CENTURY!-!

She belatedly realized she had, in her stupor, forgotten to take pictures, and throttled herself mentally.

Oh, well, now she knew where to look for the scoop, she had a myriad ways to get the dirt anyway…

….

**Interlude: You have it in the Can, Kazumi-chan!**

Sitting alone in the toilet, Asakura hummed and hummed to herself, running a hand over her chin.

"Asakura-san…!" came Yue's voice from the outside. "Aren't you finished yet?"

"Just a moment, Yue-san!" the reporter said, still lost in rapid thoughts. _Let's see, maybe a mutant? We'd already have Sentinel robots attacking the school. Or he sold his soul to the devil? No, then why he'd rescue puppies? An alien? Maybe, but… Angel on mission on Earth? Nah, I don't believe such things. A Magical Girl like Sailor V? No, it'd have to be a Magical Boy, unless… come to think about it, I've never seen him naked, and at that age, not like there's too big a difference between boys' and girls' voices…in fact, he kinda sounds like Rina Sato…_

"Asakura-san!" Yue whined, slamming her small fists on the door. "I'm dying here!"

"Coming out!" Kazumi promised, finally standing up. She needed some actual evidence if she wanted to be sure about the nature of the scoop, not to mention unveiling it to everyone. She'd have to provoke him into using his powers again, but how? Staging a fake dangerous situation seemed the most obvious option, but she risked interference from the other teachers or her classmates, and—

Wait. The other teachers! Naturally!

She stormed out of the restroom with a huge smile plastered on her face, all but walking all over Yue on her merry way. "Sorry for taking so long, Yue-san! The throne is all yours!"

With an annoyed soft grunt, Yue quickly slid into the restroom and slammed the door close.

….

**The Case of Minamoto Shizuna (kinda)**

Once again sitting in the open air bath, this time far earlier than the night before, Negi rested under the waning sunlight, eyes closed, Chamo sitting aside sipping from a tiny cup of sake.

"I'm beat…" the boy lamented. "We aren't any closer to knowing where Konoka-san's kidnappers are, and we don't even know where to begin looking. I'm afraid they'll try again before we leave. And we haven't made any headway with what's making the other Evangeline-san sing…"

"Eh, let's just watch over Konoka-san and leave the rest to the Bat-Bro," the ermine said. "We're not police! As long as the girls and we are safe, you don't have to worry about anything else!"

"But a mage's duty is always helping those in need and fighting evil, no matter where or when…" Negi lectured. "That's what the other me says…"

"Worry about that once you **are** a Magister Magi, Bro!" the small animal chided him. "You're not a Magical Boy superhero yet! In the meanwhile, enjoy your life! Or, if you really wanna worry about something, worry about making Chao-chi and Setsuna-chi your Ministra, too!"

Negi jerked back violently. "Eh?-! Why?-!"

"They know your secret, and if the Dean gets wind of that, you'll be my lookalike in no time!" Chamo said, making Negi tremble. "But if you have them as your Pactio Partners, you'll at least have a justification for it, and they won't be able to punish you!"

Negi gave him a slightly suspicious look. "I thought you didn't trust Chao-san, even now."

"I don't," Chamomille admitted. "But as the old saying goes, keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer!" Then his ears perked up, and he lowered his voice. "Act innocent. There's someone coming."

"Oh, these are teachers' only baths, and Nitta-sensei already bathed," Negi said. "It only must be Ta— ka— mi—" his words died down.

Minamoto Shizuna had just walked into the bath, wearing nothing but a small pink towel wrapped around her generous curves, her glasses, and the same angelic smile she had on 90% of the time. "Oh, good afternoon, Negi-sensei!" She approached him without a care in the world, her breasts bouncing playfully with each lively step. "Still haven't finished your bath? Maybe you need some help?"

"S-SHIZUNA-SENSEI!" the boy yelped, reaching for a towel of his own and hastily wrapping it around his waist. As he did so, Kazumi's detail-catching eye could verify he was, indeed, a boy. Ah well, one more theory down. "I-I was just about to leave, actually!" he lied.

"Ara, ara!" the woman laughed. "No need to get so scared! You're still too young for this to matter! Just stay quiet there, and I'll wash your back properly…"

"Th-Thanks, but n-no!" he shook his head. "I'm sure I'm needed elsewhere! M-Maybe another day! I mean, when I'm older! No, I mean, when I'm not old enough for it to matter, but definitely not now and here! No offense intended, I mean, really, I don't!"

She grabbed him by the shoulders, keeping him in place gently. "There's absolutely no need to lie either, Negi-sensei. It's okay, I already know your secret…"

"EH?-!" he and Chamo froze.

"You're a wizard, aren't you?" she smiled, going with the option she considered the most likely one.

"What-When-How-Where?-!" Negi cried. "D-Did the Principal tell you about that? But… But…"

"How I learned it doesn't matter much," the blonde waved the issue away. "But one way or another, I…" she put a finger on her lips innocently, "I would like to… see some of your magic, Negi-sensei!" the female finished happily.

Negi sweated streams of ice. "No! I can't do that!"

She caught him in a hug and pulled his head between her large breasts. "Ohhhh, come on, Negi-senseiiii! It's only a little favor for a colleague! Show me, pretty please…? I've never seen anything of real magic in my life…!"

Negi, gasping for air between her melons, struggling to get free without hurting her, had a short recap flashback of his whole life flashing over his eyes, including a similar moment from his very first day at Mahora…

_Negi turned around at the pleasant sound of the charming voice calling for him, only to find his face caught between two huge mounds of soft flesh covered by a sweater._

_"Oh, leaving a good and lasting first impression like ever, right, Shizuna-kun?" the Dean laughed jovially. "Negi-sensei, this is my secretary and assistant, Minamoto Shizuna!"_

_"Ah, then you are Negi-sensei!" The woman smiled down at him, petting his hair. "I'll be glad to help you with anything. You only need to ask!"_

_Negi looked up sheepishly from between those humongous globes and said the first thing that came to his mind, which was, for some reason; "Can… Can I have a cookie?"_

Now, Negi pulled his head back and free. "You!" he pointed a finger at the woman. "You aren't Shizuna-sensei! Your chest just isn't big enough!"

The woman's eyes bulged out. "Say what?-!" she said, in a very non-Minamoto voice. "You little rude brat! Who are you calling small?-! I'm not the Fourth Biggest Breasts in the Class for noth—" She bit her tongue. "Aw, nuts!"

Negi's face paled. "Say that again?"

Shizuna sighed before just calling it quits and laughing aloud, pulling her face off to reveal another face beneath it. For some reason the _Mission: Impossible_ theme sounded briefly all around. Bright red hair fell all around her shoulders, spiky and healthy. "You're very smart, Sensei! Indeed, you've found me out, so we're now even! Yes, it's me, Student Number Three, Asakura Kazumi!"

**Always Looking, Rarely Finding.**

"I think… you were too harsh on Haruna," Nodoka finally said, still dragging her steps ruefully behind Yue.

"I don't want to talk about that," her friend muttered, in a quiet but somber tone.

"It's not the end of the world…" Nodoka sighed. She wondered where exactly they were going; for almost the last hour now, they had just walked along the calm streets, under the sun setting in the horizon. "I… I mean, I can always tell him later… Perhaps it's for the best. I… I wouldn't know what to do if my confession had hurt him in any way…"

Yue only made a brief sound that was impossible to decipher.

"Yue-Yue, don't you think we should go back with the others? It's getting late, and we might get ourselves and Negi-sensei in trouble if we aren't there before nightfall…" Nodoka asked.

"We won't take long," Ayase promised. "It's just I want to find a place where you can buy something for Negi-sensei. Both as an apology, and as simply something to endear you to him."

Nodoka blushed again. "Yue-Yue! After today, d-don't you think we should abandon that line of—"

"A book. A book would work best," Yue was saying, submerged in her own thoughts. "It's something practical, useful, and both of you can enjoy it together and innocently. You both love books, and it's always best to start from a common interest. But no matter how much we walk, I can't find an open bookstore at this time. Why do they have to close so early? No wonder our culture is on the edge of collapse…"

Ah, so that was why Yue had been leading her across the streets with no apparent destination.

Nodoka looked around in all directions until she saw a large, beautiful old styled house with a big sign hanging next to the front door. "Yue, how about that place? I just had… a feeling we could find something for Negi-sensei there."

"Huh?" Yue followed Nodoka's pointing finger with her even gaze. "That doesn't look like a bookstore."

"Look closer! That sign reads _Everything You Truly Need is Here!"_ Nodoka argued. "W-Why don't we at least take a look in? It's such a beautiful, placid looking shop, I don't doubt we might find something of Negi-sensei's liking there…"

Yue exhaled and relented. "Okay. I suppose it's worth a try…"

Both girls approached the front entrance and knocked on the door at the same time.

….

The store was, surprisingly, seemingly deserted on the inside as its front door slowly flew open as soon as Nodoka and Yue knocked. It also seemed much bigger inside than it had looked from the outside, and it was full of all sorts of strange artifacts, objects, books and trinkets neatly arranged in lines and lines.

"Um… Hello?" Nodoka called out very shyly.

"Good afternoon!" Yue said in a higher voice. "Excuse us, are you still open? We'd like to buy one book or two…! Or three… I could use one myself…" she checked her purse for some money. "I should have enough of my trip expenses left for—"

Nodoka grimaced intensely.

"What's wrong?" her friend asked her.

"I-I-I don't know!" Miyazaki stammered. "I feel almost like there's something trying to pull me inside! Maybe I'm just dizzy and wobbling ahead…" she rationalized. She cringed more now. "I don't like this, Yue. I'd never felt like this before."

Yue, growing concerned, felt her forehead after brushing her dark bangs aside. "You don't have a fever, but maybe you took too much sun in the park," she said. "Let's head back to the Inn and get you a full night of rest—"

Then a small black blur jumped out of nowhere and snatched Yue's purse away, fleeing with it inside of the store. "Hey! What's that? Give me that back! I have important papers there! My Library Card, even!"

Seeing that thing wasn't coming back, whatever it had been, she leaned Nodoka against a wall and fanned her briefly. "Wait here. It moved too fast to be seen clearly, but I think it was a cat. I'll get my things back, and then we'll go home, okay?"

Nodoka nodded. "Don't worry, Yue. May I can help y—"

"Don't bother. I can do this alone," she said, going further in with some apprehension, a part of her mind wondering why she was feeling so strangely bold. In a way, much like Nodoka, she could feel that place calling to her, but she discarded the ludicrous idea quickly. "Manager-san!" she called out. "Where are you? Uour cat just stolen my purse!"

Nodoka sighed and sat on an elegant, Victorian style chair conveniently placed next to the door. She rubbed her forehead with a hand, wondering why she still felt that way, as if—

"Welcome," a refined, sultry female voice spoke to her all out of the blue, startling her and making her sit upright, stiff as a plank. "I'm glad to finally have you here… fated girl."

...

 **That's News to Me**.

"Asakura-san!" Negi gasped. "Wh-What are you trying to do here? And why are you accusing me of being a… what, what did you say I was?"

"Don't play innocent here, Sensei!" the girl accused. "I saw that stunt you pulled with the car, and then how you flew away on your stick! There's no point in denying it anymore! Come out with the full truth, okay?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that!" Negi decided. More than enough people knew about his secret already. He trained a wand on her. "R-R-Ras Tel—!"

Kazumi gasped and backed away. "You're going to kill me?-!"

Negi blinked. "Huh? What? No, of course not! I'm just going to erase your memory!"

"With magic?" the girl asked.

Negi frowned a bit. "Of course! What with else?"

"But I don't want to lose my memory! I have a full life of pleasant moments and achievements behind me! I want to remember my parents, my friends! What kind of teacher are you, trying to leave me a blank state, a functional child starting all over from zero?" Kazumi argued heatedly.

"Oh, no, it doesn't work that way!" Negi tried to calm her down, even as Chamo facepalmed. "I'll only erase your memories of these particular incidents! You learned about this all only a couple hours ago, so you'll wake up with only a small gap in your memory…"

Then Kazumi grinned and held her cellphone up. "A recorded confession, Sensei! Like always, men can't control their mouths to save their lives! Now, you even begin to try that spell, and I'll press this button here and send this to all my friends! Even to that Olsen guy in America my Dad worked with!"

The boy panicked again. "Y-You can't do that! If word gets out about this, I'll have my license revoked and turned into an ermine!"

Kazumi blinked, then slowly turned her eyes down towards Chamo.

"No comment," the ermine grunted, too exasperated to care anymore.

"Anyway, once you go public, they won't dare to do anything to you!" the redhead handwaved the issue. "You'll become a media darling, Sensei, and with me as your manager and publicist, you'll get yourself a global empire! You'll become more famous than the Beatles and Superman put together! We'll have to make you a bit more different from Harry Potter first, but nothing that a quick change of looks won't fix! They'll write novels, manga and even tabletop RPGs based on your life! You'll even have your own movies and animated series! You'll have dozens of girls hanging off your arms until you decide to marry your manager after a torrid affair that— Wait, forget that one by now. First things first."

"B-But I don't want to be a movie star!" Negi trembled, well aware of what happened to Macaulay Culkin. "I need to be a teacher, to become a Magister Magi and find my father!"

"Silly boy, once you become famous, your father will come out of wherever he is to announce how proud he is of you!" She gently tapped his head with a playful fist and a wink. "People who as special as you shouldn't be stuck with boring jobs like teaching! Yours should be a life of adventure and glamour! Wouldn't you like to be able to do magic when and wherever you want, hmmmm?"

Negi's eyes watered childishly. "I— I— I don't want—" And he broke into huge, pathetic bawls, "I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP MY DREAM!-!-!"

"Wha—?-!" Asakura cried as a huge burst of wind pushed her back.

"This is bad!" Chamo clung to her to avoid being tossed around. "My Bro's just lost control over his wind magic! There's no way to know what—"

He blinked as the burst of air ripped the towel off and shredded it into a myriad of diminutive pieces scattered all around, leaving Asakura's body bare and making her shriek.

"— On the other way, scratch that. This is what always happens then, after all," Chamo corrected himself.

Th wind grew even more, lifting Kazumi off her feet and hurling her high up in the air like a ragdoll. "UWAAA!-!-!" SENSEI!-!-!-!"

Immediately, he snapped back to normal, his responsibility kicking into high gear very quickly. "Asakura-san! Oh, no, it's my fault!"

Kazumi twisted and turned around in the air, feeling about to lose consciousness, as some debris from the bath that flew up with her hit her across the head. Her sight grew blurry, and yet she stubbornly clung to her phone to the last moment.

She'd probably survive the fall, she reassured herself. It was… worth it…

Then a blur coming from below caught her firmly in slim arms, stopping her airborne trajectory, securing her against a small wet body. She looked, shaking the spots out off her eyes, to find herself in Negi's arms as he flew on his staff, carrying her slowly back down to safety.

"A-A-Are you okay?" he stammered. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want to—"

"I'm… fine," she answered, feeling a strange kind of _deja vu_ as he settled her down carefully. It was almost as if she had lived through that very same near death experience at some point before. Repeatedly. "Thanks…"

She looked down at her broken phone, watching pitifully at how tiny pieces poured from the phone's insides and onto the bath's now messy floor. "Ahhhh, not fair… It cost me a small fortune, and I had the key to my future there…"

"I'm so very sorry!" Negi lamented, looking aside and handing her another towel he found laying around, yanked by the wind from the towels' holders. "P-Please put this on!"

"Ah, of course!" she obeyed quickly, then chuckling shakily at his blushing face. Chamo coughed water after crawling from the bath, smelling like a wet dog. "That was very brave, Sensei…"

"Oh, no, I only did what I had to," Negi said. "It's my own fault in the first place for being so careless, and—"

She smiled, crouching before him, putting her hands on his shoulders. "Even so, I owe you a good one. Just for that, I'll pull back on the whole fame deal… for now. But some day, when you're all good and ready, I— I—"

She had those _deja vu_ again. Briefly, she seemed to remember kissing him once before. Had it been a dream? No, that was ridiculous. Why would she have that kind of dreams? She wasn't like Iincho or Misa, or Haruna, or…

And yet…

"A reward for the brave wizard," she cooed, pouting her lips up, causing Negi to freeze in place. For a split second, she went for his lips, but reconsidered in mid-way, and ended up planting a slow, lingering and gentle kiss on his forehead.

Negi breathed easier. Oh, so it was only a kiss of gratitude, not one of love…

He rasped after he saw her pulling her smiling face back. "Well, t-that's good and all, but I'm afraid our protocols still force me to—"

Then the bath's door flew open, and in walked Ayaka, Chizuru, Natsumi and Makie. "Oh, Asakura-san, there you are!" Ayaka said. "We were looking for you! Then we heard screams, and—"

Ayaka's jaw fell as she noticed the smaller figure before Kazumi, with his shoulders being grabbed by Asakura.

Asakura chuckled nervously. "I have a perfectly valid explanation for this—"

"Gah. Gah, gah, gah gah, Gah!" Negi sputtered.

Ayaka's eyes flashed crimson. Natsumi whimpered helplessly. Chizuru put a hand on her cheek. Makie began whimpering…

Minutes later, Asakura dragged herself across the bath's floor, with two crossed bandages on her head. "Ow. Ow ow owie ow…! Damn it, Iincho just can't be bothered with rational explanations…!"

Then she saw a chuckling Chamo hopping his way to her face. She scowled. "What do you want?"

"Hey, Nee-san," the ermine said. "I see you're the enterprising type, and I like that in a girl! What if I told you I have something far more interesting than a Hollywood deal in mind…?"

...

**The Second Ghost, Prelude**

"COME BACK HERE, YOU PERVERT!"

Rukia ran after the ghost girl who, in turn, ran after the terrified ghost boy with black hair, holding a huge knife. Sayo-in-Rukia's body and Ichigo ran after Rukia at a more sedate pace, the orange haired boy sighing to himself as they did so. "Honestly, all this racket to send two idiotic Pluses to Soul Society..."

"Halt, in the name of the law!" Rukia cried. She waited a beat, her new mask still feeling a bit weird on her face. "Yup, it's as useless in real life as on TV."

"I don't want to go there, Sekai! No way! Much less with you! I still have too many things to do here!" the spirit leading the chase shouted.

"YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF OUR CHILD AND ME, MAKOTO, YOU BASTARD!" the ghost 'Sekai' was yelling at the top of her ectoplasmatic lungs.

"What... What's the story with them?" Sayo asked, while the chase continued through a large vacant lot under the pale moonlight.

"Didn't you hear about it? It made it into all your newspapers two years ago. That guy was a womanizer who slept with half of the girls in your school. When that girl told him she was pregnant, he tried to wash his hands of it to continue with his main crush, a girl named Kotonoha. Enraged, she grabbed a knife and stabbed him to death. Then that Kotonoha girl, who never was the most stable kitty in the litter, killed her in turn, sawed the guy's head off, and sailed away in her NICE BOAT with it. At least until the Coast Guard found her and she was sent to the asylum, that is," Ichigo narrated helpfully.

Sayo's expression became something out of _The Scream._

"Hey, you asked for the explanation!" Ichigo said.

"I GOT YOU!" Sekai screeched, tackling Makoto down to the ground, holding him in place despite his frantic attempts to squirm free.

"NO! NO!" he wailed. "I WANT TO CONTINUE HERE! VISITING MY MOTHER'S HOUSE! VISITING KOTONOHA-CHAN'S CELL! VISITING THE GIRLS' LOCKERS! YOU CAN'T BE SO CRUEL—!"

With an exasperated sigh, Rukia stood over them and hit Sekai's forehead with her sword's pommel. "Away with you, Juliet!"

There was a loud pop, and Sekai's soul was banished away in a choir of angelic voices.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Itou Makoto threw himself at Rukia's feet. "You're my savior! You're my idol! You have this Saturday night free, don't you?"

Groaning, Rukia hit his forehead as well. There was another angelic choir and Makoto disappeared from sight. "I can't believe these two creeps don't get Hell..."

"They're going to be bounded together. Trust me, no matter where they're going, it'll be Hell for them," Ichigo told her, stopping near her. "Anyway, you were too slow! Those two clowns shouldn't have taken you so long!"

"Bite me," Rukia grunted, turning around and walking around back to her home, spent and tired. "I need a vacation already. Night after night, it's always the same thing. I should have gone with the class to the Shinonome ruins..."

"Oh, so you want a break," Ichigo said.

"Yeah, I do. Any problem with that?"

He rubbed his chin. "What if I told you I know a place where you could go for some quick but useful real rest and relaxation?"

Rukia looked back at him, cynically. "What's the catch?"

Ichigo stared back at her. "It's rumored to be haunted."

Rukia blinked. "Wow. That was fast. No attempt to trick me by manipulating the truth?"

"Do you think I'm Urahara? I don't play around. All you have to do is to go there, see if the place's really haunted, clean it up if it is, and then use it as you see fit. That's all. No strings attached at all," he promised.

Rukia frowned, while Sayo only looked confused and eager.

Finally, the substitute Shinigami asked, "Exactly where is this place...?"

….

**Call to Arms**

_The Base_

"Call them," she commanded.

The young and re- haired Michael Garret looked back at her. "Are you sure? I think we still can handle this ourselves by deploying Miss Averruncus, and even Kotaro..."

Amagasaki Chigusa shook her head. "No. I'll need Averruncus-sama at my side in the decisive moment of the ritual, and Inugami-kun is... I'm not sure he's up to the task. What we need is some temporary extra muscle to confuse and distract our enemies. If they're disposed of, all the better; less people to pay. As long as they buy enough time for the ritual to be complete, nothing else matters. Once the Demon God wakes up, not even the Thousand Master himself could stop us."

"Okay. Sorry I asked," the young man turned away from the boastful villainous scheming. "I'll get on it right now..."

_Elsewhere:_

"Yes?"

The man was tall and very muscular, which was noticeable even under the expensive robe he was wearing. He had short jet black hair and a thick ebony mustache, and his eyes were those of a bored lion.

The voice at the other end of the line spoke its piece.

"Hmmm," the tall man paced around his studio, on bare feet callous and marked all over with scars and old bite wounds. "No, I'm not interested. There is no honor to be had from capturing a little girl. That would be simply ignominious!"

More words ensued.

He lifted a bushy eyebrow up. "So, it is that way? How... promising. Very well. I suppose _those_ might be prey worth my time. I shall be there tomorrow."

He walked towards his window, staring at the distance. "I normally hunt no cubs, but if those are as formidable as you mention, I might make an exception for them."

_Somewhere Else:_

"Yeah? Yep, it's a-me, Mario! No, really, I'm Mario! Really really! Aw," the masked man in red drooped. "You're no fun. Then, the job is a go after all? Cool! Finally, my debut outside of a snippet! What? No, I'm not explaining it. The readers get it, and that's all what counts!"

The masked man twirled a sword around expertly with the hand that wasn't grabbing the phone. "Uh-huh. Yeah, sure! Whatever you say, Kiddo! For that much mullah, I'd kill Superman if you ask me to! And if I could at all, but that's neither here or now. With that, I'll be able to buy so many flowers and My Little Pony plushies my gal pal will forgive me, and I'll complete my own collection to boot! What? You too? Oh, it's always good to meet a Brony! Did you happen to watch last night's epis—"

"Okay, okay, the job. Sure as eggs. Fine. I'll tell the boys and 'Strike. Chill out! With us on the case, you've got it in the bag! Kidnapping, huh? Well, it kinda goes against the antiheroish behavior my public has come to expect from me, but what the heck, we'll tell them I'm early in my career or something, and that I'll undergo Character Development, and—"

"No, I'm telling you I won't explain it to you! Now, will there be porn bullets?"

_Yet somewhere else:_

"Hey. No, of course I'm awake. Just finished a job, actually," a little girl's voice said.

"What? No, I don't do kidnappings! Why, I oughtta shoot you through the spleen! You blind? Didn't you read my announcements? Monster hunter, not thug for hire!"

"Huh, a friend of Darkstalkers, you say? I dunno, I guess that changes things, but still... WHOA, MAMA! How much, you say?-! And the chance to kill one of _those_? I've never shot one of _those_ dead! Fine, if it's that way, I'll do it! You're lucky I'm in the area! Yeah, well, I'll be there! Yeah, bring whoever else you want too, but remember, _that one_ is _mine_!"

_And yet somewhere else:_

The petite girl with long golden hair sat on top of a very high pole (there is absolutely NOTHING Freudian about this, no sirree!), looking at the city sprawling below with quiet, cold eyes. She wore a form-fitting and mini-skirted black outfit with thick black boots, and above those, several leather straps around her legs. Calmly, she ate taiyaki after taiyaki, seemingly never running out of them despite the small size of the brown bag in her hands.

Her private phone rang.

"It's me," she said. "What do you want?"

Explanations.

"How much?"

Offers.

"Right. I'll do it. I'll be there tomorrow around thisgg time."

She cut the call and went back to eating, still sporting the same perfectly neutral expression.

_The Base_

Michael inhaled and looked for the final three phone numbers in his list. He only hoped Lady Chigusa knew what she was doing, organizing such a dangerous carnival of killers in the middle of a highly populated city. Not to mention they'd be blowing their whole budget off...

"Ah, Miss Shenhua? You don't know me, but I got this number from a mutual acquaintance. I have a job offer for you..."

* * *

**Not Even Being Dead Can Stop you from Making Unequally Cameos- AKA Over Master Needs Professional Help**

Soul Society was, despite Ichigo's rich boy beliefs, actually not that good a place for everyone's afterlife, but it was certainly better than it had been in previous temporal iterations. The abyss between the upper classes and the lower ranks of souls was still there, but since Aizen Sousuke managed to push through all those social reforms 400 years ago, which had netted him a lot of sympathizers and followers, the standard of living— well, after-living— has risen for everyone.

So it had been easy for Tendo Soun to open a small Dojo and Inn shortly after dying. Sure, he'd be paying the mortgage for 200 more years, but he was used to barely making ends meet. Then, after Nodoka died as well—

— Saotome Nodoka! You can put those pitchforks down!—

— after his old friend Genma's wife, who was not a Miyazaki in any way or form, died, they married each other. Maybe a bit too quickly. They both were technically reverse-widowed, after all, and in the years between her own death and Soun's, the man's wife in life, Tendo Kimiko, had married another man. One Iba Tetsuzaemon, Shinigami Lieutenant…

Regardless, the point was now they were both introducing the two newest arrivals of the Inn to the rest of the residents.

"And these are Itou Makoto-kun and his lovely fiancee Sekai-chan!" Soun laughed, patting Makoto's back maybe a bit too hard, making him cough. "From now on, they'll be living in Room 21! I hope you all feel welcomed!"

"Pleased to meet you all!" Sekai waved a hand. Meanwhile, Makoto's eyes had wandered over to a tall busty girl with long brown hair tied into a ponytail.

What a _talented_ looking young woman…

Meanwhile, Kino Makoto looked back at him, starry-eyed. Ah! He looked so much like that Sempai she had liked during elementary school! Wait a minute…

"You ARE that Sempai!" she roared, jumping back to her feet. "You broke my heart, y-you cheater!"

Sekai's face suddenly became a block of ice. "Makoto-kun…?"

"It… It was before meeting you!" the boy argued. "Th-There was no malice involved!"

The American looking man with short black hair wearing a black shirt with a skull symbol on it ignored them and kept on cleaning his prized gun collection. One of these days, he'd meet that clown again, and then…

Meanwhile, Zazie Rainyday went on juggling her colorful balls, eventually asking over the loud sounds of Itou's beating, "When will we have dinner?"

Happosai then burst in, carrying a large bag of stolen black and leathery underwear over a shoulder. "Soun, guess what…! They booted me out of Hell again…!"

Down in Hell, Demon Scanty sobbed angrily. "The bastard escaped with my best undies, too…!"

Her sister Kneesocks gently patted her on a shoulder. "There, there. You look better commando, after all…"

"D-Do you think so…?"

"Definitely…"

"Oh, Kneesocks…"

"Big Sister…"

Suitably decadent demonic stuff ensued.

….

**Lovely Ariadne Theater: That Old Spark**

"Mates. I hate mages."

The old, thin figure clad in a thick isolated suit rasped angrily to himself, walking down the deepest halls of Merdiana, leaving a long trail of knocked out guardians behind, carrying a light bulb in his hand, and talking to it.

"You hate mages too, don't you? They're smug, holier-than-thou and arrogant! They're almost as bad as Elves… or that one guy… What was his name again?" He scratched his head with the hand not holding the bulb. "Duckwing? Dorkwing? Darkbling?"

"Halt, intruder!" a strong voice called.

"Case in point," the intruder sighed with all the weariness in the world, casually zapping the charging young Valkyrie with a wave of a gloved hand, making the armored girl fall twitching, the metal in her suit conducting the shock. "Really, I'm only doing my job! I need to pay the bills, and it's not like I have a pension… I'm a victim of circumstances, aren't I? I—"

"You're senile, that's what, Megavolt!" another, younger and mocking, female voice taunted him from above.

And then an arrow exploded at his feet. The resulting flashbang would have blinded any normal man or giant talking rat humanoid, but this particular giant talking rat humanoid was all but made of light and electricity barely held together by wrinkled weak flesh by now. His eyes had no problem with an excess of light.

The archer above him only realized that now. Crap, the old Sparky had changed, too.

He shook a fist up at her and uttered the immortal cliche. "Who dares—?-!"

So she did the sensible thing Dad would do and introduced herself with style.

"I'm the blackout that turns your voltage down! I'm the scissors that cut your cables! I'm the hanging lampshade that falls on your head! I'm… _Quiverwing Quack_!"

He gasped. "You! It's you, I know you! After all this time… You are… You are…" he scratched his head once more. "Who were you again?"

"I almost feel bad for taking an old fart like you down! Almost!" she laughed, rolling aside from the bolts he was shooting from his hands. "Give it up, Gramps! I promise I'll get you a well lit-up cell!"

He coughed and turned his power up. "You're… You're as bothersome as _him_! The only ducks I've ever liked are the well fried ones! I hate ducks… and mages… and Elves… and dwarves… and _Twilight_ fans…"

"Well, I guess you still have some humanity left!" she admitted, shooting an arrow at his left wristband. He yelled in pain as the ruptured band rattled his whole arm, his own power turning on him.

"Ready to call it a night, Sparky?" she asked.

 **"Never NEVER call me Sparky!-!-!-!-!"** he screamed, squeezing his left wrist until the power from that hand stopped, shifting its charge to the other hand. He shocked her, bringing her down to the stone floor. "Hah, hah! Cough, cough! Who's laughing now? A hint: He's coughing too!"

With a grunt, she whipped a small wand from one of her sleeves.

"Nocturna Terroris Excrucius Retium!" she chanted very quickly. _"Irrigat!"_

A single, large blast of water appeared in midair, hitting Megavolt across the chest, and eventually engulfing all of him. But when it passed away, other than a few sizzles around his broken wristband, he was unfazed, other than a worsening of his coughing. "Ha ha ha hee hee! Kaff kaff kaff! No, no, no! My improved fully insulated suit protects me against any kind of water spell! You can't defeat me the way Darkwing Duck and his girlfriend used to!"

"Well, I never liked to retread old ground anyway…" the redhaired feathered girl groaned, standing back up.

"Dill Brand!" another female voice shouted, and the ground beneath Megavolt exploded.

Collete Farandole, wearing her school uniform but with a dark green mask on her face, jumped down next to the archer. "Gos…? I mean, err, Quiverwing Quack? A-Are you okay?"

She coughed and nodded. "Nothing a quick healing spell can't fix. Thanks…"

"Spells, spells! That's your solution for _everything_!" an exasperated Megavolt rose from the wreckage of the Dill Brand, gesturing wildly. His suit was shredded in several parts, and he sported a black eye now. "Seriously, is that your best, doggy? You couldn't hope to hurt a—" Then he gasped in horror, looking at the shattered light bulb scattered across the floor. "MR. WATTS! OH NO NO, MR. WATTS!" His eyes glowed in red. "You'll pay for this, **murderers**!"

Gosalyn groaned, swinging her wand around. "How 'bout we pay you with some magic lessons? _Irrigat_!"

Again, he took the water blast barely staggering back. He spat a lot of liquid out before snarling, "Still trying the same childish tricks? You should have learned neither water nor explosions can hurt me!"

"Yeah," Quiverwing Quack said. "But what about both at once?"

"Huh?" And he saw the water seeping inside of his costume through the large rips in it. He could feel his skin tingling, then sizzling. "I'm too old for this," he realized. "Cough, cough, cough!"

The ensuing loud explosion was enough to send Gosalyn and Collete rolling back on their butts. By the time they stopped spinning against each other, the dog girl staggered to the unconscious criminal's side. "Oh, no! Oh my, please tell me we didn't kill him! I didn't want to kill him!"

Her friend hummed, crouching down next to him and checking his vital signs. "Nah. He'll be okay. Eventually. It'll take far more than this to turn Sparky's lights off for good. After all, Dad had to send him to the electric chair twice."

Collete sighed in relief, then helped her still singed friend to stagger away with her. "You sure you don't want a medic? He put quite a hurting on you…"

"No, I'll be fine. Let's hurry. The reinforcement guards will be here any moment now."

"I'm shocked it's taking them so long…"

"It can't be a coincidence this happened just as the Elite units were out fighting that terrorist strikeforce at the borders," Gosalyn pondered grimly. "I'll bet that attack was a distraction so Megs could sneak in and steal God knows what of the Academy's secrets hidden below…"

Collete grumbled half-heartedly. "You've been reading too many conspiracy books again…"

"Says you. You never can read enough of those," her friend disagreed. "By the way, what's with the goofy mask? You ripped a blanket apart in a hurry?"

"This is one of your old spares…"

"Oh. I guess I've really come a long way since then. Are you really really sure you don't want to become my full time sidekick?"

"For the last time, Gosalyn, no!"

"C'mon, it'll be fun…!"

….

**\- To be continued…**

* * *

 

OM's A/N: You know, these latest few manga developments? The ones with Eternally Kid Negi and Asuna sleeping for 100 years to wake up with an erased personality? And the girls being shallow enough to declare Negi an 'enemy of all women' and swear vapid 'revenge' against him even after all he's done for them, the fact most of them all but forced their Pactios to happen, and they must have at least have some idea of all the stress he's going through with his plan, even if they're being spared the nastiest details? I freaking hate them. Akamatsu is losing it, I tell you.

* * *

 

**Anya and Etrigan's Omake Theater!**

**Hell of a Goal**

"Where even magic failed, the power of daily products will prevail!" proclaimed Anya.

She drank enough milk to drown kittens.

She ate enough yogurt to make… pretty much anyone sick.

She gorged on enough cheese to make even Monterey Jack scream "STOP!"

By the time it was over, Professor Blood eyed her figure critically.

"Well, I suppose congratulations are in order," he said. "You have achieved the perfect circular shape you had aimed for."

Anya weeped. "I wanted round breasts! Not a round stomach!"

**Major Arcana, Minor Boobs**

"Begone, Begone, the form of flat chest!" Anya chanted. "Rise, Rise, big breasts, you're best!"

She looked down at her chest hopefully. But NOTHING HAPPENED.

"It told you it wouldn't work," Professor Blood said. "However, Merlin _did_ leave some spells on the subject of augmenting and even adding another parts of, or for, the female body."

"Such as?" Anya dared to ask.

"Well, for instance, there was a time when Arturia needed to give Guinevere a child, so Merlin granted her a temporary penis, which…"

Anya tossed a candelabra in his face.

**Meet The Britannian Royal Family**

Princess Euphemia Li Britannia. Big breasts.

"Hnnghh…" Anya's throat made a raspy sound.

Princess Nunally Vi Britannia. Flat chest.

"Well, it can't be helped, she's younger than me…" Anya considered.

Princess Cornelia Li Britannia. Huge breasts.

Some sort of beastly, inhuman gurgle of rage escaped Anya. It was far scarier than anything Etrigan had ever uttered.

Prince Clovis La Britannia, in drag during his latest wild party. No breasts at all.

"This is it! I found it!" Anya exclaimed, holding the magazine up. "Finally, a role model who can carry a flat chest proudly to adulthood!"

Professor Blood tapped on his cheek with a finger in a thoughtful way.

"You do realize he's a man, don't you?"

**Bad, even if not Decadent, Habits**

"Sod off, bloody wanker!" Anya told the rude man who had just pushed her in the London subway, before flipping him the bird.

It was then when Jason Blood decided to stop inviting John Constantine over for poker games on weekends. He hadn't minded when his protege had started wearing the same kind of trenchcoats, but this…

**No, Just No**

Anya hugged her now gigantic breasts. "Ahhh! Feels so good!"

The Incubator sitting next to her nodded. _Now, as for your duties as a Puella Magi…_

Then he was caught in one of Etrigan's massive claws. Sulphur and brimstone were blew on his furry white face. "Undo it, you pest! You know we had a deal! Stay out of the West! We mean it for real!"

Even demons despised the Incubators. The former at least used to go only after grownups, after all…

* * *

**Sailor V Says**

"Hello, I'm Ookuchi Akira, also known as Sailor Mercury, from the beautiful city of Kyoto. For this chapter, my partner Sailor V won't be with us, so I've taken the liberty of replacing her with this Sailor V plush right next to me. Minako-san, I hope you aren't angry enough to kill me over this."

_(The camera briefly pans to a Sailor V plush doll on the seat next to Akira's. It's obviously very low quality, since its red bow falls from its head after a convenient breeze)_

"Anyway, today's moral is 'Strength lies in numbers', as the battle against Chigusa-san and Tsukuyomi-san proved. However, high numbers also make statistics hard to remember, and facts harder to get straight, so in the interest of our new readers, I'll supply you with a few helpful stats about our cast."

"Number of Negi-sensei's current Pactio Partners: 6. (Chisame-san, Misora-san, Hakase-san, Misa-san, Asuna-san and Sakurako-san)."

"Number of 3-A Students Confirmed as not being Virgins anymore… ugh, why this? What kind of ugly privacy violation is— Okay, okay, I'll still say it! I know I'm getting paid for it, I was just expressing a valid complain!: 6 (Evangeline-san, Fuuka-san, Fumika-san, Yuuna-san, Ako-san and Makie-san)."

"… The Narutakis? REALLY?"

"Oh, with no men? That's kind of a relief, I guess. So, it's only with each ot— WAIT THAT MAKES IT NO BETTER AT ALL!"

"(Ahem). Number of Itoshiki-sensei's current Pactio Partners: 1 (Kaga Ai-sempai)."

"Number of Sailor Senshi Active so far: 5. (Sailor Venus/Aino Minako, Sailor Mercury/Yours Truly, Sailor Pluto/Akagi Ritsuko, Sailor Uranus/Harleen Quinzel, Sailor Neptune/Pamela Lilian Isley). Wait, there are others? Since when? And Pluto's not even a real planet! What's next, Sailor Moon?"

"….."

"Moving on. Number of Mahora Students and Staff Confirmed as being Aware of Aisaka Sayo's Existence: 7 (Negi Springfield, Itoshiki Nozomu, Kasuga Misora, Yukihiro Ayaka, Komori Kiri, Kuchiki Rukia, Kurosaki Ichigo)."

"… Who's Aisaka Sayo, by the way?"

"Number of Master and Servant Pairings Confirmed for the Incoming Fifth Holy Grail War: 5 (Tohsaka Rin and Vigilante, Ikari Shinji and Rider, Ilya von Eizenberg and Berserker, Luviagelita Edelfedt and Destroyer, Hino Rei and Shield)."

"And what's this War? Why are these so many things I wasn't informed about? I was promised an expanded role! Why am I in the dark about so much? I'll bet I won't even carry this knowledge on to the canon bits!"

"(Sigh)."

"Oh well. I guess it could be worse. I could have a diminished role, just like Nodoka-chan…"

"What do you mean Nodoka-chan is the next chapter's protagonist?-!"

 **NOTE:** Since Nagase Kaede is technically a Miroku Clan Ninja, odds are she isn't exactly a virgin either, but it hasn't been explicitly stated in the story yet…

* * *

 

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Time Traveller:_ **

**Full Name** : Hasegawa Chisame

 **Known Aliases** : Chiu, Chiu-sama, Chiu-chan, The Goddess of the Internet, the Calculator, the Voice of Reason

 **Alignment** : Sane Normal

 **ECL** : Combat level; 2. Hacker Level; **_COWER, BRIEF MORTALS, BEFORE MY BOUNDLESS MIGHT!-!-!-!-!_**

 **Religion** : Shinto, but seriously considering becoming Agnostic

 **Sexuality** : Currently 'straight', but with bisexual undertones, slight robosexuality, repressed Negi-sexuality

 **Family** : Family unknown

 **Affiliations** : Mahora Academy, Ala Alba, the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association,

 **Background** : Hasegawa Chisame was an antisocial girl more concerned with what she did in the Internet than real life. When she had to deal with real life, she wanted it to be as bland and normal as possible, with no super-powered aliens from America, Magical Girls from Tokyo, Kaiju barreling down the Ginza or what have you cluttering it up. Thus, being assigned to then-class 1-A was a pain to her, due to all the weird foreigners, Lolis, Haruna, and, oh yeah, THE ROBOT IN THE CLASS THAT NO ONE SEEMED TO NOTICE, HONESTLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, ARE YOU FRICKIN' BLIND?-!

It would later become obvious in hindsight that it was inevitable the universe would screw her over.

She thought her life had only gotten worse when she learned her class would also be saddled with, of all things, a child teacher. On a particularly stressful day, she inadvertently revealed her identity as Net Idol Chiu-sama to him, though Negi didn't really see what the significance was, and the stress of this would later be overshadowed by her first involuntary public exhibitionism, courtesy of Negi.

She would remain below the radar for the next several months, only to have Negi thrust viciously into her private life again during Mahorafest, at the cosplay-event that would be recorded in history as Chiu-sama's first public appearance. While it ended disastrously with her costume falling off and leaving her in her lingerie, it gave her much needed self-confidence, and became the first of many such appearances.

It was during Mahorafest that she deduced the existence of mages and magic, and proceeded to attempt to counter Chao's viral marketing scheme, ostensibly to keep the world 'normal', but was unsuccessful. Because of this, however, she would become embroiled with the group that would later become Ala Alba.

After they were caught in Chao's trap in Evangeline's resort, Chisame was the first to deduce that it was no longer Mahorafest, displaying observation skills far exceeding Setsuna's own. With her assistance, Chamo was able to formulate a plan to return them to the past to a defeat Chao's plans.

Back in the past, Chisame initiated a Pactio with Negi, and acted to remove Chao's influence over the Academy's systems, fighting Chachamaru in a digital battlefield with the unknowing assistance of Makie and Ayaka. Though she managed to hack Chachamaru's defenses, it was too late, and only Negi's victory over Chao allowed them to stop her.

Chisame would then, allegedly against her will, begin spending more time with Negi's cadre, reluctantly asking how to use her Pactio and Tsunderely going with them to Wales.

The incident at the Megalomesembria City Gateport led to her being teleported to a distant part of Mundus Magicus, where she encountered a clothes-eating land octopus and attacked, until the timely rescue of Negi and Chachamaru. For the duration of their stay in Mundus Magicus, she acted as Negi's advisor, big sister, and close companion.

In the end, she, like the rest of Ala Alba, was instrumental in the defeat of Kosmo Entelekhia. Things, however, did not settle down. She, also like the rest of Ala Alba, was drawn into the incident known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case.

During the Wolkenritter's attack on Mahora, she was able to take control of six of the gynoids attacking Mahora, which she later claimed as spoils of war. She was also one of those who responded during the Invader mass-activation incident at the end of the 5th Holy Grail War in Fuyuki city, acting as coordinator and controller of her gynoids.

She has something of a rivalry with Sailor Mercury in matters digital, but share common ground in being the most sensible of their respective groups.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Chisame is an accomplished hacker, as well as a photographer, seamstress, photo manipulator, lampshader, and has a Narusegawa-grade bitch-slap. She has superhuman levels of common sense and rationality, and is known to have a good practical understanding of human nature. Her advice is highly valued, though seldom sought immediately. This has less to do with her advice and more to do with how people around her can be idiots.

Her Pactio allows her a telepathic interface with any electronic and electronically-controlled device. Her Artifact is magically capable of integrating processor technologies into its structure, and has been upgraded with 22nd century Martian computer tech. By itself, her Artifact is one of the most powerful computers on the planet, but purely in terms of processing. Chisame must generate her own programs, which she must store in another unit.

The Artifact allows for multiple users, and is effectiveness is actually increased the more users it has. It also gives her command of seven electron spirits, who, while not very bright, greatly assist her in her hacking, and are capable of radically increasing the processing power of any device they possess.

She also owns six combat-grade Chachamaru production model gynoids, modified for magical combat and to act as communication centers for Chisame's Artifact. Her standard combat tactic is to have her sprites possess them increase the combat capabilities of her gynoids, which also links them into a coordinated unit.

It is speculated that the regular magical possession is leaving residual magic within these gynoids, slowly assisting in the development of distinct personalities and souls. Whatever the case, they certainly seem very loyal to Chisame…

….

**_Straight from The Black Jokebook!_ **

**Full Name** : Hasegawa Chisame.

 **Known Aliases** : Chiu-tan, Chi-chan (only used by that perverted weasel), Glasses (only used by Jack Ra— Oh, we haven't hit that part yet? My bad!)

 **Alignment** : Lawful Neutral in mind, Neutral Good in heart. Ah, a young maiden's sentimental whims, always struggling with her reason! Reason sucks, if you ask me.

 **ECL** : European Champions League? We already covered the soccer player!

 **Sexuality** : Claims to be strictly heterosexual with no interest on little boys. Few are fooled anymore. With Negi, she shares the center of a way screwed up even for my tastes Love Polygon involving Hakase Satomi, Tsunetsuki Matoi, and pretty much every girl in the Academy not named Asuka. And a few boys, too. Those two are popular, eh?

She has kissed with Kagurazaka Asuna to shake off hordes of love potion struck admirers (it seemed a good idea at the time!) and has been groped by Saotome Haruna (then again, who hasn't?) She hasn't killed Haruna yet, so I'm convinced she liked it to some degree.

 **Family** : Yorozuyo Gourou (father), Hasegawa Chako (mother), Hasegawa Sora (sister). In a Decadent Habits-filled parallel world, Earth 6904877, she's the secret love child of the Thousand Master Nagi Springfield, and half-sister to Negi Springfield, Nekane Springfield and Yukihiro Ayaka, but such blood ties don't exist at all in this world.

Then again, ''maybe'' you should consider who's telling you this, hmmm?

 **Affiliations** : Officially none. However, she, along Negi the twerp, Chamo the panty stealing rat, Asuna the brainless tomboy, Misa the slut, Misora the panty showing nun, Cocone the loli nun, Hakase the mad genius, Sakurako the lucky waste of space, Matoi the obsessed stalker (really, not even Harley!), Itoshiki the barrel of laughs and Ai the girl with the mole, has formed a sorts of yet unnamed Proto-Ala Alba.

 **Background** : No, this is a fanfic. You could be seeing backgrounds in a manga or comic as long as Tite Kubo doesn't draw…

OH! You meant the girl's background!

Hasegawa Chako was a cheerful but not too bright girl from a relatively wealthy family, who loved dressing up and acting. After being rejected by her high school crush, she looked for solace in modeling. She came to be fairly successful for a while, but she lost all enthusiasm for life all the same, becoming a bitter and distant woman. Eventually, she met an old school friend who also had been rejected by his first love, and they married and had two brats. However, they divorced shortly after Chisame's birth.

Separated from their father and raised by an apathetic mother, the girls grew up as lonely as the Kite-Man Fan Club. Sora looked for entertainment in mechanics, and soon became a prodigy Wrench Wench with all the social skills of a traumatized giraffe. Chisame, after discovering the secret stash of old fancy dresses belonging to her mother, developed a secret obsession of her own with being pretty and admired. After overcoming a hideous first experience with Da Internets, she also became an expert hacker and programmer. Putting all of her talents together, she became a Net Idol by night, unassuming boring student by day.

While in most iterations Chisame joined Mahora Academy from Elementary School, here she didn't enroll until one year ago, after pondering joining Ohtori Academy instead. I'm actually grateful her mother forced her to choose Mahora. Can you imagine _moi_ guest starring in an Utena fanfic?

Since joining, Chisame has been bewildered, and not in a good way, by the wackos and weirdos surrounding her, particularly in her own classroom, 3-A, and even more specifically her roommate Hakase Satomi. She should try Arkham. Her woes only grew last year, when Negi was assigned to live with them.

Chiu learned Negi's secret quickly, and she soon became his first Pactio Partner (elegant term used by mages to say 'future fookmate') to fight Evangeline 'Loli Dracula' Mc Dowell (I hate vampire bats!) Since then, she has reluctantly (?) helped him to deal with several crises, from love potions to kidnapped classmates to plant monsters. They and Hakase also sleep together. In the chaste, non-sexual manner. Yet.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Chiu-tan wields the power of a Pactio with Negi, allowing her to use a magical scepter that grants her powers over electricity and the ability to manipulate any kind of machinery. She also can summon seven electronic sprites that can hack into any computer system and supply her with useful information, and I guess porn too. Her powers also include the capacity to travel through a virtual Internet subspace, but her natural mistrust of magic, her reluctance to try new things, and leftovers from her trauma of her first Internet experience have made her unwilling to use this ability.

Even without the staff, Chisame is an accomplished hacker, expert photographer (although not on Asakura Kazumi or Tsunetsuki Matoi's level), an ace of beauty tips and makeup, an acceptable master of disguise, and a competent enough cook. She also plays a mean Online Sudoku.

And how do I know all of this, you ask? What do you care? Turn the computer off and go read a book, ya geeks!

Just remember to tune in next time at the same hour on the same Unequally channel, okay?

* * *

**NEXT:**

Nodoka finds herself owning a Magical Book!

A war breaks out for Negi's sweet lips!

The least expected person ever gets a Pactio!

Ruri plays eroge!

Next chapter: "Lips at War."

Don't miss it!

 


	39. Lesson 33: Lips at War

It's time again to remind you of the names of Santa's reindeer! Errr, we mean, the fake names the Ala Alba girls are going under…

Asuna= Kanda Akemi

Chisame= Shimura Yumi

Haruna= Ishige Sawa

Konoka= Nonaka Ai

Setsuna= Kobayashi Yuu

Yue= Kuwatani Natsuko

Nodoka = Noto Mamiko

SCM's A/N: Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Put stuff in the Unequally and 2814 Tropes pages! And leave lots of reviews please!

OverMaster's A/N: "Bah, humbug!" OverMaster said, hunchbacked over his computer.

"OverMaster!" the ghost of his previous unfinished mega crossover, _MUGEN Universe_ appeared before him. "Tonight, you will be visited by three Ghosts who-!"

"I'LL CHANGE!" OverMaster promised, terrified to the bone. "MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have this chapter of URAE as my humble Christmas gift!"

"Uh, well, that was easy," the ghost said.

...

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

by OverMaster

 **Lesson 33** : "Lips at War" or "Nodoka Gets Some… Stuff"

Disclaimer: _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Ain't that sad, Sacchin?

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Card Captor Sakura_ and _Magic Knight Rayearth_ were created by and belong to CLAMP.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Warning: This fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing and slight amounts of cake. Yes, it is very hot Christmas Cake. Consume with pleasure.

...

**_Previously, on Unequally Rational and Emotional…_ **

**Kuro:** When we last left our heroes, they were bluer than usual, suffering from a severe lack of character appearances.

 **Misa:** Damn right! Natsumi, Nodoka and Asakura stole the show!

 **Konoka** : I thought Chigusa did the stealing? And wasn't I the one stolen?

 **Kuro:** NO ACCURATE INFORMATION FROM THE LAST CHAP! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?-!

 **Konoka** : But didn't you start it?

 **Kuro:** …

…

 **Kuro** : When we last left our heroes, they had just taken over the space-mafia. The previous mafia lord, the evil John Marcone, vowed revenge, approaching the dark sorceress Amagasaki Chigusa for help.

 **Negi:** Why is it always a 'dark sorceress'? Why never a 'bright and cheery who likes puppies and kittens to play with' sorceress?

 **Kuro:** Ugh… meanwhile, Hakase prepares for her final duel against Sephiroth, knowing the fate of the planet was in the balance.

 **Hakase:** WTF! I'm not anywhere NEAR ready for that fight.

 **Matoi:** Tough luck, forehead bitch. CHISAME-SAMA! Let me comfort you over the tragic death of your roommate!

 **Kuro:** Suddenly, from out of the blue! Back up arrives in the form of an approaching army!

 **Hakase** : I'm saved!

 **Kuro:** It's Squirrel Girl and the Furry Elite!

 **Hakase** :…

 **Hakase:** Screw this, I'm out of here!

 **Kuro:** Find out what happens next on… UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL!

...

...

...

**Yue-Holic**

After a very brief run after the bunny-looking black thing, Yue lost track of it, not to mention her own way, in the deceptively huge store. Oddly, it hadn't looked that big at all from the outside. The fact she was alone in a stranger's house, leaving shy and docile Nodoka at the entrance, also alone, hit her with forcefully, moving her to turn around and try heading back the way she'd came.

Much to her annoyance, she realized she didn't know how to get back, and the more she wandered around the store, the more lost she felt. What kind of insane store was this, a franchise of Library Island? Great, not only had she lost her wallet, but also endangered herself and Nodoka. How could she badmouth Haruna after this? At least Haruna only left Nodoka alone with Negi-sensei (she dutifully ignored the voice that sounded suspiciously like Tsunetsuki-sempai that encouraged her to do something about that).

Well, thank God for the everyday wonders of technology...

Yue had pulled out her cellphone and begun tapping in Nodoka's number when two identical young women with very, very, to-the-point-of-'too'-slim bodies and short light-brownish hair stepped in her way, both wearing matching black shirts and red skirts. One of them had the small black animal that had stolen Yue's wallet in her arms.

"Hello, I'm Motoe Nono!" one of them said.

"Hello, I'm Motoe Nene!" the other one said.

"Welcome to Yuuko-sama's Shop of Wonders!" they announced in perfect unison.

Yue backed two steps away, finding them hideously creepy despite their bright and cheerful greeting. They were kinda like the Narutaki twins that way, especially since that time she'd walked in on the twin doing… er, _things_ in the paleontology section of the library. The dissonance between the store's eerie quiet and their loudness only added to how unnerving they were. "Oh, ah, good afternoon," she bowed. "Sorry for walking in like this, but it seems I lost my wallet, and I thought it had been—"

"Here it is!" one of the twins nodded while handing Yue her wallet back. "Sorry about that! Mokona's a mischievous one at times!"

"Puu! Puu!" the animal in the other girl's arms said.

"Oh, thanks..." Yue accepted the wallet and looked at the critter dubiously. "What species is he or she from?"

"She's a Mokona," the twin carrying her replied before turning around, and her sister followed her movement in complete synchrony. "Follow us. Your friend is having tea with Yuuko-sama!"

"A very, very good tea. You should try it too," her sister nodded.

"My friend?" Yue blinked, rushing after them. Even their steps were the same, as were the slight sways of their walking. The Narutakis were slightly disturbing oddballs most of the time, twice as much when Fuuka was feeling silly for any reason and pouncing on Fumika, but somehow, these two girls made them look downright normal. "Nodoka doesn't have much money on her, but—"

"It's okay, you'll pay as much as you have to pay," one of them said. The way it was phrased wasn't any more comfoting for Yue.

Baka Black looked around. "You have a very... pretty store here. Very... comprehensive, it seems."

"We have one thing for everyone who visits us. Right, Nono?"

"Right as always, Nene! And then some!"

"We're sure you'll find right what you deserve here!" They beamed the exact same wide smile back at Yue, who again felt an icy shock down her spine. She made a vow never to feel creeped out by the Narutakis again.

"Okay..."

"Your friend is behind this door!" they bowed, gesturing for a large wooden door at the end of a corridor. Yue nodded and walked nervously towards it.

"Right. Thank you. You're very... nice..."

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She'd just grab Nodoka, say some apologies to the owner, and they'd leave the heck out of there immediately. Satisfied with her flawless plan, the schoolgirl waited for the reply.

"Come in," an elegant female voice answered.

And Yue obeyed.

...

**Interlude: Kururugi Suzaku**

_Hino Rei's penthosue, Tokyo:_

The Shield stood near the door, in her housemaid outfit, as her Master and her Master's arranged fiancé talked. Stoic and seemingly oblivious to each word, the tall blonde apparently looked at nothing in particular, and yet she kept her attention fixed on everything. Perfectly alert at all times.

(Much like Chuck Norris, Servants don't sleep. They _wait_ ).

"Mrs. Shields, why don't you come here too?" the thin young man invited her amicably.

"Yes, I don't mind at all," Rei nodded. "You don't have to act so formal when we're in private. And Suzaku-kun is almost a family member."

"I would be intruding," the blonde disagreed respectfully.

"Of course not. Come here," the casual tone in Rei's voice was a soft, but unmistakable command, even if she probably didn't realize it herself. The Shield closed the distance between them, sitting at her Master's other side. Rei smiled with sincerity and began handing her some of the pictures she and Suzaju had been looking at. "See this young man here? He's Lelouch vi Britannia, Suzaku-kun's classmate and closest friend when he studied at Ashford Academy. He's the youngest son of Charles zi Britannia."

"The Britannian Royal House," the Servant mused, her voice gaining a bit of interest. She looked at the photo closely, noticing the very slight difference of tones between the portrayed young man's left eye and his right one.

_Marianne's son._

It felt almost painful.

Almost.

"This is Suzaku-kun's father with Tenjouin Ryuuga, leader of the Tenjouin Financial Group…"

Shield gave a token nod of feigned interest.

"Suzaku-kun's other childhood friend, Milly Ashford…"

She had known the Ashfords. The girl's grandfather had served in the Mysteries for years. And dilapidated most of his fortune while doing so.

"Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Obadiah Stane and Lex Luthor at the funeral of Suzaku-kun's uncle…"

"Who is this one?"

"Oh, that's Neil Patrick Harris. We didn't ask why he was there, although there _were_ rumors…"

Those names and faces meant nothing to her, but she had to admit to herself she found the one named Wayne attractive. There was something intense and alluring in his eyes, despite his attempt to keep a subdued, vapid gaze.

"… and Suzaku-kun and his father at the inauguration of the Metro Tower with industrialist Naba Tetsuo."

The Shield's blood briefly turned into pure liquid nitrogen inside of her.

"Something wrong?" Suzaku asked.

"No. Nothing," she lied. "I was just reminded of someone I once knew. But that person is dead."

That was _him_. He had to be. She'd recognize him anywhere and at any time, no matter the disguise. But how?

How?

She had seen him executed personally. She'd never forget the all too harsh details of that afternoon, which still haunted her despite everything. Both before and after the execution, she and her enforcers had checked on the body, and it was no changeling or shapeshifter or convenient, highly accurate mass-produced body-double homunculus made by dark knowledge with its memories altered to ally suspicion.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Rei was concerned now.

"Completely," she lied again, reaching for the next photo. "I apologize if my reactions have led you to think otherwise. Who would these people happen to be?"

"Oh, this is my father in an U.N. meeting," the boy said. "Here he is with Russian Prime Minister Balalaika, Philippine President Mannie Pacquiao, Germany's President Gerhard von Faust, and Italian Premier Feliciano Vargas."

"The man from the pasta TV commercials?"

"Well, he's a bit… eccentric," Suzaku conceded. "He likes to dabble in show business when he has the time for it. At the very least, he isn't Berlusconi…"

...

**Meeting**

Yue found Nodoka sitting seiza style before a large and pillowy couch, on which a very tall and thin woman rested lazily, lying on her side and smoking a cigarette in an impossibly long black holder. You could see where it was actually three holders held together by glue. She wore a completely black, tight dress and had similarly black long hair, contrasting starkly with her ghostly pale skin. Her feet were bare, and her nails were painted dark red.

"Ah! Oh, Yue!" Nodoka sounded as if a huge weight had just been lifted off her.

"Pleased to meet you," Ayase bowed to the strange woman with the half-closed eyes. It was kinda like talking to Kaede. "Please forgive our intrusion, but since your employees said you wanted to meet us—"

"You have nothing to apologize for. Please come closer," the stranger said, inviting her in with a vague hand gesture. Yue nodded and sat down next to Nodoka, very close to her.

"What did you come here for?" the woman asked them next.

"W-Well, we didn't want anything but a… a gift for a… a good friend! I mean, he's our teacher, but he's also our friend!" Nodoka blurted out, feeling really stupid. "He's a good teacher, the best we've ever had, but… we, no, I mean, I did him something bad to him earlier today…"

"Nodoka, that wasn't your fault," Yue told her.

The woman blew a few rings of smoke in the air. Yue tried to ignore how they made a perfect model of the solar system.

"I don't mean that. I mean, why come here of all places? There are hundreds of stores in this city better suited to the preferences of youngsters like you," she said. Nodoka and Yue looked at each other. The woman said nothing, but the placid and yet unnerving way she was looking at them moved Nodoka to be honest.

"We felt almost as if something was pulling us here," she admitted. "I know it must sound ridiculous to you, but…"

"Why should it sound ridiculous?" the lady asked.

"W-Well, it's the kind of thing that, if it's said carelessly, might move you to believe we think your store is haunted. Which we don't!" Nodoka added hastily.

"Oh. If you believed so, it'd only mean you are insightful. Because this store is indeed haunted," the woman replied in a casual ton, as if this were a perfectly ordinary thing to admit to, and indeed required by law. "Although I suppose it also depends on your definition of 'haunted'. To be precise, I don't have any ghosts here, but we do have all sorts of supernatural presences and forces gravitating around us. Do you wish for tea?"

The young girls blinked, stunned.

"With biscuits," the woman added then, in the same calm delivery. It felt quite ominous. "Amon dofu perhaps?"

_Somewhere, Kotomine Kirei sneezed._

"Oh, okay…" Nodoka ended up saying. "Thanks…"

"What kind of tea?" Yue asked.

"We have Green of the Galapagoes, Santa Prisca Camomille, Chinese Blood of Dragon Brand, the Carrol Special, Bitter Tea from Endsville, Spanish Ofelia, Heartleaf Neverbear…" the woman began counting languidly.

"I don't know any of those brands," Yue started, sounding like she was objecting, but then she pulled out her wallet. "I'll take a Carrol Special, whatever it is, and I'll also buy a bag of each other one."

"Oh, a connoisseur willing to try new things!" the lady smiled. "Which kind of biscuits do you want with them? Personally, I find the Eggs and Mandragora ones to go best with that drink."

"Th-Thanks, but I'm cutting down on the sugary foods lately…" Nodoka tried to apologize.

...

**And Plans were Made…**

"Seat Number Five, Izumi Ako," Asakura narrated as she and Chamo watched, binoculars clasped over her eyes. "Former manager of the boys' soccer club, where she met a guy she liked. But he rejected her, and ever since, she has isolated herself from contact with boys."

"Idiot," Chamo muttered. "The boy, I mean."

_Somewhere else in Kyoto, Hoshino Ruri sneezed, her catchphrase stolen._

"Yeah, Ako sure can like jerks at times," Asakura nodded. "He was rather older than her, thin, with black hair and funny eyes. Back then, she told me that was 'her type'. Go figure…"

_Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, it was Tosaka's turn to sneeze._

"She's very shy, and somewhat sickly, but despite that, still has a gift for sports," Kazumi went on. "Lately, though, she's been acting strange. Normally, she hangs around Akira, Yuuna and Makie, but she seems to be avoiding the latter two now. I wonder…"

Then she pointed at the girl walking down the hall with Ako. "And that's our Ookuchi Akira, seat number six. She hasn't ever had a boyfriend, but rumors say she's dating Aino Minako, the star of Mahora's female voleyball club. I guess that makes her impossible to rope into your plan, right?"

Chamo laughed. "It's okay! My Bro has a true gift for making that kind of girls bi!"

_Somewhere in Mahora and in another universe, Takamachi Nanoha sneezed. One excused herself, the other didn't even notice, too focused on finding the source of the yellow rings that had kidnapped Fate…_

"Oooo-kayyyy…" Kazumi's mouth twitched a bit. She mentally waved it off and continued. "Akira is a star member of the swimming club, and currently our faster swimmer. She has been visited by a few talent scouts, but she says she won't be considering going pro until she finishes college. She's down to earth and has a very firm set of priorities…"

"That's not the only firm thing about her…" Chamo hummed happily, eyeing Akira's posterior subtly shift with each step.

"Control, Romeo," Kazumi snickered, finding the critter more amusing than creepy. "Look! That's Tatsumiya Mana."

"I know her. She shot me."

"I wonder why…"

"She's a shrine maiden, isn't she? Do you know if she has any boyfriend?"

"It's a bit unclear," Kazumi replied. "I tried to get some info out of Munakata Shiho, a girl who works at the shrine with her, but she was completely terrified of giving me any info. I could barely gather Mana was in love once, but how or when, I don't know. I think Yuiichi Tate, the school council's errand boy, has a thing for her, but she won't give him the time of day, and it's obvious Shiho's the one in love with him."

"Love triangles," Chamo sighed. "They sure can be dangerous when handled badly…"

 _Somewhere else,_ Itou Makoto _didn't sneeze, but that's only because he was dead._ _Oh, wait, he's in Soul Society. Yes, he DID sneeze._

Kazumi pointed towards the open-air baths. "Look, that one bathing there is Ku Fei, and over there, that's our Iincho, Yukihiro Ayaka. I think she should be our main goal. She's so head over heels for Negi-sensei, convincing her to play would be a piece of cake!"

Chamo drooled, his heart pattering faster as he drank in the glorious sight of Ayaka's nude body under the moon light, shiny with water droplets. "Yeah, yeah, I'd love that…"

Something heavy fell on him then. A very thick and heavy branch, burying him under its weight.

"Chamo-san? You okay?" Kazumi asked, then looked up at the foliage of the tree they had been hiding under. "Maybe we should move to a safer place…"

Up amidst the branches, hidden with all the perfection of a trained terrorist, Roberta returned to obsessively watching over Ayaka with her own state of the art binoculars. She had taught him a lesson, that dirty talking animal…

Wait. Talking animal?

...

"WHAT?-!" Chisame exclaimed, staring at Negi. He, she, Hakase, Asuna, Kuro, 'Nelly', the chibified Ala Alba, and Setsuna all stood next to the vending machine just outside the inn lobby. "Someone found out about your magic? And worst of all, it was Asakura?-!"

Negi sniffed, crying slightly. "Th-that's right!"

Over at the front desk, the still slightly-confused staffers looked up at the sudden cry.

Chibi-Haruna held up a video camera she'd drawn. "We're shooting a movie!" she chirped cheerily.

The staffers went back to work.

Asuna blinked. "Wow. I can't believe that worked."

"Meh, you can get away with anything in our Mahora if you say you're filming a movie," Haruna said. "I guess with Cinema Town so close they're used to it too."

Chisame ignored them, her glare focused on Negi. "Of all the people to find out, it had to be Asakura! ARGH! Asakura finding out means the whole world will know! How did that paparazzi chick find out?-!"

Albert, on 'Nelly'' shoulder, snickered. "You were saving a kitten from being hit by a car, weren't you aniki?"

"It was a dog actually," Negi sniffed.

Albert sighed. "Ah, you two aren't so different after all."

Haruna held up her hand in a 'stop' gesture. "Just to be clear… we're talking Asakura Kazumi, right? Red hair, big rack, camera?"

Negi nodded again.

Ala Alba sighed as Haruna grinned and held out her hand. Everyone but Calculator started slapping money into it.

Chisame blinked. "Wait… you bet something like this would happen?"

"Not exactly," Haruna said, counting her money and cackling. "You see, since your Nodoka didn't manage to confess to Negi, everyone thought Asakura wouldn't get involved and find out about Negi's magic. I bet she would anyway. And she did! Win, me!"

Chisame stared at them. "Wait, you KNEW Asakura would find out?-!"

"Of course not," Haruna said. "That's why there was a bet."

Chisame stalked at her, hands twitching like she wanted to strangle someone. "Haruna…!" she growled.

"Ah!" Matoi gushed, hands on her cheeks. "Chisame-sama makes the most _erotic_ sounds!"

Chisame yelped, whirling. "You were back there?"

"Always," Matoi chirped.

"What do you mean, 'our Nodoka didn't confess'?" Hakase asked.

"Well, you see, Nodoka-chan here confessed her feelings to Negi-kun during _our_ trip to Kyoto," Haruna said cheerfully as 'Nelly' and Nodoka both blushed deeply, neither looking at each other. "And of course Negi-kun went BSOD about it, angsted almost as much as Setsuna here—"

"HEY!" both Setsunas snapped indignantly.

Negi sighed in inner relief. At least, he thought, the Miyazaki-san he knew had no romantic feelings for him…

The poor thing. How little he knew.

"— and it got everyone so worried because they didn't know what was wrong that Iinchou asked Asakura to look into it," Haruna finished. "Although then she just got lucky and saw sensei doing magic." She smirked at Negi. "Though she wouldn't have had _proof_ if you hadn't let her fool your with her Shizuna-sensei disguise."

"I wasn't fooled!" Negi defended himself. "At least, not for long. I saw through her disguise!"

"How, exactly?" Chisame asked, glaring at him.

The two Negis shared a look. An almost telepathic connection occurred.

"As teachers, we can always identify our students, even disguised," Negi said.

"It's a teacher thing," Erebus confirmed, looking worldly.

"You noticed her breasts were smaller than Shizuna's, didn't you?" Haruna said.

"It's a teacher thing!" they both insisted loudly.

"Ah," Kuro said, smirking. "And how hard _was_ this teacher thing of yours?"

"Gah!" Chisame growled, hands rubbing at her head in frustration. "It's all over! Your secret will be out by the hour, everyone will know about you, and you and the ermine will have to leave the country in the ensuing media storm!"

Asuna was still struggling to process. " _Your Nodoka confessed to Negi?-!_ "

Nodoka and 'Nelly' blushed again, looking innocently in opposite directions. Chisame, Hakase and Matoi all gave the girl an unreadable look. Well, unreadable to Negi, anyway.

"Yup, she did," Haruna said, patting Nodoka on the back. "An inspiration to all who came after, even if they _were_ the competition!"

Both Negis blinked. "What competition?" they asked.

"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" Chibis Asuna and Chisame cried.

"Hey, what's with all the yelling?"

Chisame, Asuna and Negi stiffened and turned at the voice. Asakura smiled easily at them, Chamo riding on her shoulder.

"Yo, Bro!" he said, waving.

"A-Asakura-san," Negi said, voice wavering slightly.

"Asakura," Chisame said, glaring.

"Asakura," Matoi said familiarly, "How's the photography club these days?"

"Boring, since you stopped stalking the treasurer," Kazumi said. "You should come back some time. You know, if you promise to leave the poor guy alone."

"Want do you want, Asakura?" Chisame asked coldly. "Chamo, you traitor! What's the big idea siding with her?-!"

Chamo chuckled. "Hey, I'm not betraying anyone, Chi-chan. I'm always on the Bro's side."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE FROM HERE!"

Asakura, still smiling, looked around the assembled party. "Heh. I should have figured. Of course the roommates, the roommate's stalker, and the fiancée would be in on the secret." She frowned at Kuro and Ala Alba for a moment. "Huh. The chaperone and the little kids are a surprise, though. Who are you guys again?"

"I'm Negi's assassin on retainer," Kuro said, smiling brightly. "You know, for inconvenient witnesses and all that."

Ala Alba snickered slightly.

"W-what?" Negi cried, panicked. "K-Kuro-san, no, you mustn't—!"

"Heh, well, no need to worry about me, miss Chaperone Assassin," Kazumi said, though she did lean back slightly. "Chamo-kun?"

"Asakura-sis is on _our_ side now!" Chamo said, giving a thumbs up. "She's an ally!"

Hakase raised a skeptical eyebrow. "An ally?"

"That's right!" Kazumi sang. "I, Asakura Kazumi of the Mahora journalism club, have been touched by Negi-sensei's dedication and Chamo-san's story and have taken it upon myself to become an agent to help protect Negi-sensei's secret!" She pulled out an envelope. "Here's all the evidence I've gathered during the trip."

Negi's face brightened considerably. "Oh, wow! Thanks, Asakura-san!" He took them eagerly. "Well, that's one problem we don't have to worry about anymore!"

"Hmm…" Hakase and Chisame went, exchanging a look. Matoi, of course, glared jealously at the mad scientist. "Where are the copies, Asakura-san?" Hakase asked.

Kazumi smiled. "Copies?"

"I've had enough lab explosions to know the value of backup copies," Hakase said, crossing her arms. "Where are they?"

Kazumi chuckled. "Well, they were supposed to be for my private collection, but if you insist you can have it too…"

" _And_ the soft-copy and backups," Chisame said. "ALL of them."

"Ahh!" Matoi swooned. "Chisame-sama is so forcefully sexy!" Chisame twitched.

Kazumi sighed. "So untrusting…"

"Then that's it, right?" Chisame crossed her arms. "You'll stay out of our way no matter what happens from now on, won't you?"

"Trust me, you won't even hear from me until we get back home!" the reporter promised.

Thunder rumbled ominously.

"Yeeeeahhh, sure..." Deathnote smirked, rolling her eyes knowingly.

"Although I'm open to accept proposals for help..." Asakura added.

"No, thanks. We'll cope," Chisame deadpanned.

"Are you sure? I have connections not even Iincho could get you..." the reporter teased.

"Pretty sure," Matoi stated.

Asakura shrugged nonchalantly. "As you wish. Still, it's a waste of your collective talents, to just lay low doing nothing noteworthy with them..."

"Actually, we d—" Hakase began, but Chisame placed a hand over her mouth. Matoi seethed.

"We like our lives doing nothing particularly noteworthy and important with them, thanks!" the cosplayer said.

Her counterpart nodded and exhaled a weary sigh. Oh, if only it could be as easy as that...

"Call me if you change your minds, in any case!" the pineapple haired teen turned around and waved her goodbye. Negi, Maga Alba, Pyscho Purple, Deathnote, the ermines and 'Nelly' waved back, but everyone else looked too cynically jaded to bother. "I gave Chamo-kun my private number!"

"The only way you'll ever get a girls' number," Kuro told Chamo once Asakura was gone.

"That's very cruel of you, Nee-chan," the local ermine replied piously. "If things went the same in Nelly-chan's world as they did here, surely they'll say Asakura-nee is all right and never gave them any problems! Right?" he turned to his counterpart and Ala Alba, eyes shining in silent begging.

Nelly scratched 'her' head. "Well... Honestly, I can't say I've ever regretted cultivating Asakura-san's friendship... Though there's something… meh, it can't have been all that important." A pause. "Still, Chamo-san, I'd be thankful if you didn't call me 'Nelly-chan' anymore."

Setsuna blinked and started to open her mouth to ask why, but she was cut off by the sight of a giggling Maga Alba poking Nelly's cheek with a finger. "Ah, but it's so heartwarming, seeing how cute you are when you blush after being called that, Nelly-chan...!"

More cuteness of that kind ensued.

"It's so disgustingly sweet looking I feel like I've just eaten a gallon of ice cream," Asuna shared, grabbing her stomach.

"I wonder if we should stuff her into a swimsuit and see if it works..." Deathnote pondered.

Nodoka pressed a tissue against her nose and gestured weakly for Yue. Getting the hint, Valkyrie Black slammed a foot down on Haruna's to silence her before she expanded on the feasibility of a bikini.

...

**Fate (Technically "Hitsuzen", But That Doesn't Pun Very Well, Now Does It?)**

The tea tasted kinda funny, but it was the good kind of funny, the one that tickled your mouth without being too overpowering, and didn't leave a bad aftertaste either. Yue found it an okay flavor, so when the twins offered her a refill, she accepted it quickly. Nodoka, on the other hand, had barely gone past the first half of her cup.

"What do you two think about Fate?" the tall pale woman asked them.

"I tend to think of life as something we forge ourselves, so I place no value on the classic definition of Fate as an unstoppable driving force," Yue offered while Nodoka seemed at a loss for words. "For the most part, it seems to be only an excuse to relegate responsibility our actions and place them upon an immaterial convenient scapegoat."

The woman nodded. "Indeed, that is the approach many of those who claim knowledge but only scratch the surface do take. Even official, scholastic definitions are often tainted by that angle. The Japanese Learning Dictionary, Second Edition, defines Fate as an event or series of events that must happen no matter what, and nothing will happen out of it. That often gives the impression Fate is only an outside force that has nothing to do with what we did before and we do now. However, true Fate is something that we create just as it creates us. Fate is a force born of our collective actions, a constant influx of the good and ill eternally spinning out of every decision we take."

"That is an interesting concept," Yue nodded with a lot of aplomb. "True, random chance can play a factor in the big picture, but I tend to mostly agree with that interpretation, although I'd hesitate to call it 'Fate', in all honesty…"

"Even what we call random chance is a result of subtle factors we set in motion some way or another," their hostess said. "You may not understand it now, and most likely never will completely in your lives, but even your entrance into this store was a consequence of your Fate's course."

"That is," Yue observed dryly, "quite a roundabout way of convincing us we should buy something."

"You bought something from the moment you set foot here," the woman replied, lazily taking another smoke.

"I bought your tea. Isn't that enough?" Yue asked.

"Your friend hasn't bought anything yet, though," the adult observed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I barely have any money on me!" Nodoka excused herself.

The woman's smile grew like that of a sated crocodile. "Child, what you came to buy cannot be bought with money. So don't worry about it."

Yue half-snarked. "Sorry, but we won't pay with our immortal souls either."

The woman tilted her head aside. "Do I look like the Devil?"

"Assuming there is a Devil, he could take any form he deemed seductive and trustworthy enough," Yue said without missing a beat.

"And I am trustworthy looking to you?" the woman asked once more.

Yue hesitated before saying, "You make me feel disoriented, so I can't answer that with a yes."

"Yue!" Nodoka gasped.

"Calm down. I didn't put anything in your tea," the woman told Yue.

Baka Black blinked. "How did you…"

"It is very easy to read your face. Subtle and inexpressive as it is, it still has a million nuances, even more for one who is synch with Fate. Fate is a powerful force, and if you attune with it, it can be a valuable learning and growth tool, although often at a high price as well," she conceded. "Fate will be both a cherished ally to you…"

_Back in Mahora, the youngest Testarossa sneezed._

"… and it will be your worst enemy as well…"

_Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Tertium Averruncus sneezed._

"… It will be both things, often at once, and much more than that as well," the woman sat up straighter. "Both of you have powerful, alluring Fate forces swirling around you, like pyres of tragedy and glory. I can say you and your closest mutual friend have intertwined Fates, although she will drift away and die sad and alone…"

Both librarians gasped hard.

"You," she pointed at Yue, "will die after sustaining major wounds in an epic battle, surrounded by loyal followers, while you," she turned to Nodoka, "will simply disappear without a trace leaving behind a golden legend, although odds are you'll simply slip when entering an unexplored tomb, snap your neck, and die all alone as well."

Both girls had turned hideously pale.

"Puu! Puu!" Mokona said, hopping all around the woman.

Said female suddenly blinked and shook her head. "Oh. My apologies. I was reading the Fates of others who are just like you, in another world. The barriers between realms have been weak recently, so it is all too easy a mistake to make. Your Fates should be different from theirs, although now that I think about it, you are better only knowing small fragments of them for the time being. Let us see… You," she pointed at Nodoka again, "will have only one child. I know you have always desired to eventually have two, but if it's any consolation, your child will be illustrious and beloved by most."

Nodoka took a hand to her chest and made a choking sound.

"You will have a harem," the woman turned her cold eyes to Yue.

"WHAT? NO! I WON'T HAVE A HAREM!" the braided girl shouted. "That's Haruna's kind of sick fantasies!"

_Back at the inn, someone sneezed._

The woman only shrugged. "Your friend will have a harem as well, but yours will be simply much larger."

Yue facepalmed. "… Charlatan."

Nodoka gasped. "B-B-But Yue-Yue, remember what the fortune teller yesterday said…"

"Another pervy charlatan!"

"Ah, Honami-san. She is still an amateur, but she has potential. Don't believe everything she tells you, since her link to Fate isn't complete yet, but her overall range of divinations should be mostly worthy of—"

Yue stood up, grabbed Nodoka's hand, and pulled her for the front door. "We're done here, Nodoka. I don't know exactly what's going on here, but I can say it's nothing good."

"Good and evil are such subjective notions," the tall woman yawned. "Will you go away without even asking my name?"

"What difference would it make?" Yue grunted, struggling to open the door, which simply wouldn't open no matter what. Even when Nodoka started helping her.

"My name is Ichihara Yuuko," the lady finally introduced herself.

"Good for you," Yue grunted, beginning to kick the door to no avail.

"It's a fake name, in case you hadn't noticed," the adult smiled whimsically.

"It doesn't shock me, since you're a kidnapper!" Yue accused. "Let us get out!"

"I cannot. Because you will see, I don't own this store. The store, in a way, owns me instead. And it won't allow you to leave until you have sealed your Fate. You cannot forfeit this night, the one that will change your paths forever."

Yue sighed even as Nodoka's face twitched. "Fine. We'll buy you something and then we can go home, okay?"

Yuuko invited them aside with an elegant gesture. "Don't think of it as buying something from me, but buying something for yourselves. Go and see the sights, select your Fate carefully. The Motoe twins will help you, should any further questions arise."

"Where's the bathroom?" Yue asked.

"Ah, that's an easy one. At the end of that corridor, two doors at left…"

...

 **Trope Overdosed** 1

**_B(l)each Episode_ ** _-Shirarahama Beach_

Orihime stretched out, yawning languidly as she walked out of the water, wide hips swinging with each step, large breasts barely held by her bikini top glistening with water droplets. "This is getting boring, Chizuru-chan..." she complained. "I really miss Rukia-chan and the boys..."

Honsho Chizuru wiped the drool off her mouth, briefly stopped taking pictures, and asked with completely sincere forgetfulness, "Boys? What's that?"

...

**I'm Not Buying That!**

"I still think this is all pointless," Yue said as she and Nodoka looked through the seemingly unending shelves of the store, which really looked extremely much bigger from the inside. Yue had settled for a simple and cheap backpack only to get it out of the way and finish already, but for some reason, Yuuko's words had impressed Nodoka enough to move her to be very careful and indecisive about her picks.

"It doesn't hurt to be precise about what we want to take, however, does it?" Nodoka asked while examining a small statue of an angel, before putting it back on its self.

"Other than the fact we're going to be late and Nitta-sensei will chew us out, no," Yue looked at her wristwatch.

"I promise I'll try to finish soon, Yue-Yue," Nodoka promised. Yue groaned and wondered if Nodoka knew she was more prone to use that nickname when she subtly wanted something from her. "Ahhhh, they even have videos here…"

Indifferently, Ayase looked at the shelves carrying movies, most of which she didn't recognize. One of them, however, caught her attention for some reason. It had a likable looking young woman with short blond hair on the cover, smiling at her.

Yue picked the DVD box up. " _I'll Comfort You_ , with Amano Ai? Hey, wait a second!" she gasped after reading from the back. "This is a porn movie! Ew." She quickly put it back down.

"Maybe we should buy it for Haruna?" Nodoka suggested.

"…" said Yue. She said it very loudly and emphatically.

"Sorry. Bad idea," Nodoka said, before smiling as soon as she saw the series of shelves she had been looking for. "Ah, it's here! The books section!"

Yue perked up, attracted by the notion as well. "W-Well, we came here for a book in the first place… Let's see if we can find something Negi-sensei would like…"

...

 **Trope Overdosed** 2

**_Early-Bird Cameo_ **

Hakase rubbed her eyes as she waddled into the bath. Damned vision problems without her glasses… "Hmmmm? Setsuna-san, is that you over there...?"

Setsuna made a soft gasping sound and pulled her wings back in. With the thick misty air of the hot baths, Satomi squinted her eyes. "Setsuna-san...?"

"Y-Yes?" the only other girl there managed to say.

"Was it my imagination, or did I see some... strange formations similar to bird wings fixed onto your back moments ago?"

"... Your imagination."

"How strange. We people of science have no romantic imagination and save all our creative potential for—"

"Imagination!"

...

**Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!**

Kakizaki Misa was feeling torn between being glad and being angry.

On the one hand, it was a relief not doing any dangerous, but mostly no doubt boring, patrol and surveillance stuff with Ala Alba. On the other, the fact her Negi-kun had left her behind while taking Chisame and Hakase with him was, frankly, borderline insulting, although she knew he didn't mean it to be. He had said a few of them had to stay behind and distract the rest of the class in case they decided to look for 'Nelly' and 'her' friends, but the bottom line was it was a minor task assigned to minor team members, or so she thought.

Oh well. If it was going to be that way, she'd roll with it and have fun with it in the meantime. From the looks on Misora's face, Misa guessed the runner felt more or less the same way.

No one was puzzled about Chisame and Hakase's absence in the extended group, since neither of them had ever been the sociable type. When asked about Yue and Nodoka, Haruna only replied they had gone out to take a stroll, and they'd return later. Misa had the feeling Paru was hiding something regarding it, but since it was Haruna, after all, no one wanted to ask her further. Chizuru and Natsumi, in any case, looked able to guess exactly what she meant, not to mention they didn't seem exactly happy to be near her.

"Then, what will we do to spend our time?" Madoka asked.

"Yeah, " Fuuka said. "Last night we got too plastered and overslept, so we have to make up for it tonight!"

"Let's play a game of good old Baseball Janken!" Haruna suggested, regaining her enthusiasm.

"NO WAY!" Kaede and Ku Fei protested at the same time. "Er, aru/gozaru!"

"Yeah, we already do that enough at school!" Yuuna added. "Let's think of something else!"

"What if we play 'Spin the Bottle'?" Sakurako asked.

"Easy for you to say," Mana replied. "With your luck, the bottle never points at you, and you always get to make the demands."

"Let's tell horror stories!" Misa proposed.

Fuuka and Fumika hugged each other, springing in terror. "Absolutely not! Your stories are way too scary!"

Misa snorted. "C'mon, don't tell me you're still wetting your bed over that stupid story about the hook handed man, the squirrel and the newlyweds. I made that crap up on the fly!"

Misora cringed. "I remember that story too. Ugh! What kinda garbage goes through your mind?"

"It's not my fault even your own shadow scares you!" Misa argued.

"Baseball Janken!" Haruna insisted.

"Spin the bottle!" Sakurako countered.

"No! Horror stories!" Misa slammed a fist on a palm.

"Pin the tail on the donkey!" Makie raised a hand.

The other girls stared at her.

Makie shrunk down. "Never mind. I fail at life..."

"Let's split in groups, and anyone can join the group doing what they like best..." Zazie whispered.

Haruna, Misa and Sakurako looked stupidly at her, stunned by such a revolutionary idea. Well, and the fact Zazie had just talked, as well.

"Well, it's not exactly a bad idea at all, but I was thinking of something we _all_ could do together..." Haruna confessed.

"How about an orgy?" Sawa-chan said.

"NO, HARUNA!-!-!-!-!" everyone cried. Then they blinked, and turned to look at the little girl. She blinked innocently up at them, drinking from a can of soda.

"Listen to the wisdom of children!" Haruna said.

The Narutakis tapped their lips thoughtfully. Everyone else said, "HELL NO!-!-!-!-!"

"We Spin the Battle while Telling Horror Stories and Playing Baseball Janken?" Zazie spoke more in that single sentence than 90% of the present had ever heard her say since they first met her. Somehow, it gave Misora an ill omen.

"While having an orgy?" Haruna and Sawa said hopefully. Everyone ignored them.

"... How would _that_ work?" Chao felt she had to know.

Zazie shrugged. "We could find a way..."

And Haruna smirked dangerously. "Sounds like a definite plan!"

Needless to say, it ended badly.

...

Ala Alba sat back and sighed in unison as they all drank from the thermos of tea Chachamaru had thoughtfully made and left for them. Outside, they could hear the perfectly ordinary night time sounds of 3-A.

"IT'S ON FIRE! IT'S ON FIRE!"

"Have you seen my hat? I've lost my hat…"

"Oh, YES! _There_ Fumika-chan, there! Yes! Yes! Oh yes, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, KAMI don't stop…!"

"What do you call the plastic things on the ends of shoelaces?"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Haruna-chan!"

"Sawa-chan!"

"Haruna-chan!"

"SAWA-CHAN!"

"HARUNA-CHAN!"

"Ah! It's pointing at me!"

Asuna sighed and tuned them out with the help of long practice. "Ah! What a peaceful, boring night…"

"It certainly is, Asuna-hime," Setsuna agreed, enjoying her own drink."

"OH, FUUKA! Live up to your name you sister, fuuk—"

"Our Narutakis aren't…?" Yue ventured.

"Probably not," Chisame said. "Probably…

"Good enough for me!" Asuna said cheerfully. "I wonder how Eva-chan is doing? It's not like her to miss tea and getting snippy with us."

"Chachamru said she's trying to finish Final Fantasy I using 4 White Mages," Konoka said.

"Ah."

The Negis, meanwhile, where already fast asleep, blissfully oblivious, one slightly traumatized. He kept having horrifying nightmares about having to marry all his students and kiss them…

Clearly he hadn't reached puberty yet.

"My hair is on fire! My hair is on fire! My hair is on fire!"

"Mana, do I LOOK like I have any money on me? Just hand me the stupid fire extinguisher!"

"What the hell is an aardvark doing here?-!-?-!-?-!-!"

Ala Alba took another sip of their tea and blissfully blocked things out.

...

**By the Book!**

Again in their favorite element, Yue and Nodoka checked book after book feverishly, starry eyed like children in a toy store.

"Oh dear God, they don't have these even _in Library Island_ …!" Yue was awed. "Look at this! This was supposed to be a completely lost first edition of _Monte Pythone de Artur_ from 1839, the scandalous one that claimed King Arthur was a woman! And it's in a near perfect state!"

"Th-They must be worth a fortune!" Nodoka breathed in and out quickly.

"I must buy this one even if I have to save for fifteen years for it," Yue breathed reverently, hugging a tome that was clearly too big for her to hold comfortably, before setting it down carefully. "Not like I'll ever have children anyway, so there's no point in up saving for them…"

Nodoka normally would have tried to deny that statement, but she was, for once, far too fascinated by her findings to care. "This one seems interesting…" she reached for an alluring looking volume wrapped in tempting dark red. "The Universe of the Four Gods…"

However, when she tried to pull it off its shelf, the book just wouldn't come out. "Ngh! It's strange… Yue! I can't move it!"

"Same thing here with this one!" Yue complained, struggling in vain to pull a thick book sporting a dark cover with golden designs on it out of another shelf. "Maybe we should call those twins and ask them why?"

"Knowing them and Yuuko-san, they'll probably say it just isn't our Fate to open those books," Nodoka reasoned.

"I suppose you're right. And I don't wish to engage in another round of that pointless discussion." Yue picked up a leather bound book with _Diarium Ejius_ on the cover. "What's a used diary doing here?"

"How about this one?" Nodoka's attention was caught now by another book, this one bound in scarlet and with four shiny golden seals on it, one in each corner. It came off easily as she pulled it to herself, and her eyes went slightly glassy. "Ah, it feels weird. So light despite its mass, and…"

"And…?" Yue asked.

"Warm," Nodoka sighed. "It's very strange, but it also feels very smooth and comfortable to hold…"

"Hmmm, in any case, maybe it'd be best to leave it there, if it doesn't feel like a normal book…" Ayase observed warily.

"It's as if it fit right into my hands, as if it's meant to be with me…" Nodoka muttered softly, as her fingers caressed the cover, running over the image of a winged lion's face. The words _The Clow_ were written above it.

"Nodoka?" Yue was really worried now. "Nodoka, snap out of that, you're scaring me…"

"I wonder," Nodoka whispered, her fingers moving up to fiddle with one of the corner seals, "If I can read just a little of it…"

Then all four seals popped out at once, and the cover flew open abruptly. And it was as if a blinding flash of light and a huge burst of compressed air exploded from the tome, sending Nodoka stumbling back. Yue caught her in her arms just in time, but Nodoka had to drop the book, momentarily blinded and off-balance.

Yue could barely see anything herself, but she felt as if she had just been pushed into a hurricane. She could vaguely make out small rectangular shapes twirling in the air all around them, and hear how the impossible indoor winds began tumbling objects, sending them crashing down and breaking fine crystal ornaments. She was fairly sure she had just heard a window shattering, as well, and when she tried to look in that direction, she saw all the card-shaped figures flying out through the broken window, sucked into the cold Kyoto dusk. "You _gotta_ be kidding me…"

Then, as she still held a coughing Nodoka in her arms, her eyesight returned enough to allow her to see a gigantic and fearsome beast looming over them, standing on the book, spreading wide wings that didn't really fit well in the cramped space of the room. Yue felt the blood in her veins becoming ice, as the majestic creature spoke with an imposing, powerful male voice. "WHO HAS DARES TO—"

And just like that, right then, the animal was swallowed by a poof of smoke that enveloped it completely. When the smoke cleared mere moments later, the beast was gone. Yue blinked, and heard, coming from below, a tiny and chirpy voice with an Osaka accent finishing the titan's sentence, "— open the Clow Book and disturb my rest?-!"

Nodoka and Yue looked down, startled. A diminutive plush animal with the cutest little white wings stared back at them.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

The plush animal's head hung down. "Aw, nuts…!"

...

 **Trope Overdosed** 3

**_Put on a Bus_ **

Somewhere in the roads of Northern Japan, Chidori Kaname grunted to herself while looking out the window. Next to her, Kyouko rested her head on Kaname's shoulder, taking a nap while making tiny cutesy sounds. Sousuke sat at Kyouko's other side, perfectly still and emotionless, running contingency plans into his mind.

First order of business would be bugging Tokiwa-san's room, and then he'd set up several traps between the boys' baths and those of the girls. Then he'd get himself a good sniping position for surveillance during the stay at the hotel; it shouldn't be hard, after convincing the owner's brother back at Mahora to lend him some blueprints. He only hoped Kurz-san had gotten his call and untied the man from that flagpole after he left...

Management wishes to reassure you this bus will come back eventually.

...

**Crime and Punishment**

"Just look at this!" Nitta-sensei barked, arms crossed and a straight faced Suzushiro Haruka standing right behind him. "Look at yourselves! That simply isn't the way a Mahora student should appear before anyone in public! You'll have our academy's good name dragged through the mud!"

"We _have_ a good name?" Fuuka whispered to Fumika, wearing her sister's panties as a hat and with a pillow slammed down on top of it to boot.

"News to me," Fumika whispered back, hands on her yukata's lap, hoping Nitta and the Vice President wouldn't notice she was going commando. "Even Ohtori and Furinkan make fun of us... Even _Cromartie High_...!"

"SILENCE!" Nitta commanded. "What in the name of all that's holy were you doing here?"

"We were telling horror stories," Yuuna began.

"Then Sakurako said we needed a bonfire to complete the scene, and made me go for wood..." Misa continued.

"You agreed to it pretty fast!" Sakurako protested.

"Not like Misa ever needs any excuse to look for _wood_ ," Misora snarked.

"Then Ku Fei started a pillow war..." Haruna took over the narration.

"Only because you began a game of Baseball Janken!" Ku said. "You know I'm bad at it! You only wanted to see Yue and me naked! Er, aru!"

"Hey!" Haruna said. "Don't misjudge me! I didn't want to see you and Yuecchi naked! I wanted to see you, Yuecchi, Makie-chan **and** Kaede naked! It offends me when you imply I aim for anything but everything I can get!"

"Then, if I recall correctly, some of us brought a bottle and decided to play a game of spinning it around," Chizuru added. "At that point, the bottle caught fire with the campfire, and as it spun, it set fire to the pillow Madoka-san was holding. Which was troubling, because at that point, Madoka-san was whacking it down on Ako-san's head..."

"My life flashed before my eyes!" Ako whined.

"Oh! Oh! Me next!" Makie took over. "The bottle pointed at me, so I chose to take Dare. Haruna-chan dared me to walk naked across the corridor, so that's why I was like this when you came..."

"JUST DRESS UP ALREADY!" Haruka tossed a yukata on Makie's head.

"I brought the extinguisher to put the fire out," Mana reported. "But then Yuuna-san insisted I had to do it for free, so I refused to act until my price was met. You'll understand my efforts had to be properly rewarded..."

"But by then, the fire had caught on the curtains," Kaede interrupted her. "Fortunately, this one knew a water jutsu that I generously used for _free_ —"

Mana groaned.

"— and then the aardvark walked in. We honestly have no idea why it arrived here or how. And that's all. As you can see, there was a perfectly valid explanation for everything!" Yuuna finished.

"I was just heading to the vending machine for a drink," Sawa-chan said as innocently as she could.

Nitta hid his face between his hands.

He made a few incoherent, throaty and threatening sounds.

"You are all ordered to be in your own rooms, apart from each other, forbidden from going out at all, for the reminder of the night," Haruka translated.

"Remainer," Chao corrected her.

"Any attempts to leave your rooms after that curfew, not to mention further fires, loud noises, orgasmic moans, aardvark mistreatment or complains from staff or other guests will be punished by making you squat in the lobby ALL NIGHT LONG! IN SEIZA! NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP, USE THE BATHROOM, OR EVEN FREAKING SCRATCH YOURSELVES!" Haruka finally exploded. "AND FINISH PUTTING THAT ROBE ON, DAMN YOU!" she told Makie.

The gymnast pouted and stopped discreetly jutting her ass in a distressed Ako's direction, tying her belt up quickly. "Sorry!"

"Really, I just wanted a drink…"

...

**Card Captor Nodoka!**

The girls remained immobile and staring at the strange moving plushie, without the slightest clue of what to do next. Until it lifted its head again and said, "Who did it?"

"W-W-W-W-W-Who d-d-did wha-wha-what?" Nodoka asked.

"Who opened the book?"

Very slowly, a pale Nodoka lifted a finger up and placed it on her chest.

The critter looked up and down at her, with a small cute frown. "What's your name?"

"M-M-M-Miyazaki Nodoka!"

"Do you have any idea what you have just done?"

The normally smart and perceptive girl was too shocked to do anything but opening her mouth wide and blabbering lamely, "I opened the book."

Keeping a clearer mind, Yue walked to the plush doll and lifted it up, examining it closely. "I wonder how it talks. It sounds almost as if it was alive." She squeezed its body, trying to feel and find some sort of recorder or audio box inside. "It doesn't look like one of those horrible gutted out plushies you see on TV…"

The small animal squirmed free, using its tiny wings to fly around them. Nodoka gasped harder. "Don't ever do that again! Would you like it if some sort of flat-chested giant squeezed _your_ stomach like that? Show some respect!"

"Flat-chested…" Yue delivered, flatly, appropriately enough.

"What, you just noticed?" the critter snarked before turning its attention back to Nodoka. "You, Miyazaki Nodoka! What's your experience with magic?"

"Magic?-!" Nodoka squealed.

"Yes, you heard me right. Magic. You couldn't possibly have opened the Clow without having a high magical power. What are you? You're obviously no necromancer, but you couldn't possibly be a beginner either to tamper with the workings of Clow Reed…"

"What are _you_?" an annoyed Yue asked. She grabbed a nearby broom just in case and stepped in between the creature and Nodoka. "We want some answers quickly, before we call Yuuko-san!"

The winged being huffed pompously. "I am Kerberos! Mythical guardian of the forces that lie in mysterious darkness! First and foremost servant of Clow Reed's will! The fire lion whose roar shatters everything! Respect me, mortals! And obey my instructions!"

The girls blinked.

"We'll call you 'Kero-san'," Yue decided dryly.

"You really talk a lot…" Nodoka marveled. "You must have very durable batteries; do you use Enerloop betteries?"

"I'M NOT A MODERN TOY, CHILD!" Kero screamed. "Ahhhh, I can't believe a simpleton like you could open The Clow! What is this world coming to?-! No wonder disaster will behalf it!"

"Disaster?" Yue asked critically.

"Yes!" Kero nodded. "As soon as The Clow is forced open and its cards spread around, a terrible disaster will fall upon this world!"

Nodoka became a salt statue. The words **MIYAZAKI NODOKA, DESTROYER OF WORLDS** floated over her for a moment in sinister black letters.

_Back at the inn, someone sneezed._

Yue waved the words away and gently patted her friend's cheeks. "Get a hold of yourself, Nodoka! As for you, Kero-san…"

"Call me Kerberos-sama!"

"Kero-san, what kind of disaster is this?" Yue continued as if he hadn't just spoken. "Also, are you male or female?" she asked a non sequitur.

"I don't know! I mean, I'm a male! What I mean is I don't know the exact kind of disaster that will ensue! It might be something relatively small, like a Black Plague, or something huge, like Mars crashing into the Earth, or a novel about sparkling vampires…"

"That's already happened."

"My god! And civilization is still standing?"

Nodoka hiccuped haplessly and melted in place. Yue scowled deeper. "There isn't anything smaller than a Black Plague on your list?"

"Well, odds are the disaster only has to do with the Clow Cards raising havoc across the world. Or a conveniently small urban area around you. Still, the power of the Clow Cards is nothing to scoff at. They were, after all, Clow Reed's greatest creations! And they required a guardian as powerful as me to keep them safe!"

"I hate to mention this to you, but if you're their guardian, you have just let them fly free," Yue told him.

Kero lowered his head and clenched his teeth. "I know! I was taking a brief nap when you carelessly grabbed the book! It could have happened to anyone, even to someone as perfect as me!"

"Are you sure we can't just take your batteries out?" Yue asked, hardly impressed.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY BATTERIES!" And he spun back to Nodoka. "Miyazaki Nodoka! Look at me and stop trying to hang yourself!"

Nodoka sobbed, a hangman's noose in her hands. "S-Sorry! I-I was just feeling guilty after dooming mankind to perdition!"

"Who do you think you are, Itoshiki-sensei?" Yue took the noose away. "By the way, where did you find this much rope?"

"Over there, near the adult videos of Haruna's aunt Kodachi, next to those whips…" Nodoka answered very meekly.

Yue dropped the rope as if it had been coated with poison. " ** _TOO MUCH INFORMATION_**!"

...

**Just here for Konoka**

"All right," Kagurazaka said, shutting the door. Only Ala Alba, Kuro, the local Setsuna, Asuna, Chisame, Hakase, and Negi had been invited inside. "We need to discuss how we're going to secure the inn tonight. Last night was almost a complete disaster."

"Hey, we knew Mini-Negi-sensei here could deal with it," Haruna said, lounging against a wall. "After all, it's happened before."

Setsuna glared. "The fact that you kept such an important fact as the knowledge Oujo-sama would be kidnapped from me–"

"Setsuna-san, I **_REALLY_** thought nothing bad would happen this time," Konoka said, giving the swordswoman a beseeching look. "Everything I've read from the Dean said tensions _were_ greatly reduced here compared to our world." She smiled in embarrassment. "Actually, we were kinda lucky I got kidnapped too. If I hadn't been taken, Ala Alba might not have gotten involved, and things might have gone even more badly. Amagasaki definitely did _not_ have that much manpower last time."

"All the more reason to secure the inn properly tonight," Kagurazaka declared, slamming her fist down on her open palm for emphasis. "If things had happened normally, I'd feel safe saying they're not likely to attack tonight, but given what we know, it's not safe to make that assumption. We know they have means to mind control large numbers of people now. For all we know, they've been spending the past day mind-jacking people to get ready to send at the inn to smash and grab Konoka-san!"

Setsuna paled.

"Oh, don't be alarmist, Red," Kuro said, lying on the ground with her hands behind her head. She was still aged up, and had, upon the loss of her skirt and sweater the day before, switched to a blouse and a shorter, calf-length skirt. She half-smiled. "Maybe they'll just gas the whole inn unconscious, then kill us where we lie on their way out."

Chisame, Hakase and Asuna all cringed in distaste. "Ugh," Chisame said. "You're just full of happy thoughts, aren't you?"

"I aim to creep out," Kuro chirped.

"Given how willing they were to expose themselves this time," 'Nelly' said thoughtfully, "there's a good chance they'll use the method that successfully kidnapped Konoka from us earlier."

Negi frowned. "How _was_ she taken from you?"

Yue shivered. "They sent a mage to petrify everyone in the compound Konoka was in and got her out that way. Only Negi-sensei, Asuna, Setsuna and I managed to keep from getting caught."

Now it was Negi's turn to pale. "W-what…!"

"Don't worry, we were able to free everyone," Yue reassured him. "It was mostly thanks to Konoka here."

Konoka nodded. "That was the first time I'd ever used my power consciously," she said, voice wistful in remembrance. "I managed to de-petrify enough people that they were able to do the rest themselves. It was thanks to that night that I decided to become a Magistra Magi too." For a moment, an uncommonly dark, ironic smile flitted on her lips as she glanced sideways at Negi. "The three of us should start a club or something. Or a support group."

"Oujo-sama…" Sakurazaki said softly. Chisame glanced at Negi. He had that look he did when he thought he was manfully trying to keep his emotions in but just made him look on the verge of crying. A quick look at 'Nelly' showed a better poker face, but it was so creepily fake…

There was a ringing sound, making everyone jump. Kuro was giving them all a bland look, holding the swords she'd rung together in either hand. "Yes, yes, we all have sad, angsty backgrounds. Negi was separated from his parents at birth, Konoka fell into a river, Setsuna's gayngsting all the time, I was sealed up when I was a few months old, Asuna had to eat her little puppy to keep from starving… can we get back on topic here?"

_Somewhere, Menchi sneezed. Her position thus betrayed to Excel, she ran like hell._

Chisame, Setsuna and Asuna all glared at Kuro for the remark, but the Negis and Konoka shook themselves back together. "Kuro-san is right," 'Nelly' said. "We need to get back to business. Mou hitori no boku, since you'll be the only one who'll be able to move freely inside the inn after curfew, we need you to be watching inside the building. The rest of us will patrol outside. If we see anything we'll let you know."

Hakase frowned. "Wouldn't Kuro-san be able to move freely as well?" she said, pointing at the aged-up knight.

"I'm not really good at fighting in confined spaces," Kuro said. She smiled lazily. "It sorta clashes with my fighting style."

Asuna frowned. "Won't we get in trouble for being out at night?"

"That's why we'll be outside the building," Kagurazaka said. "Nitta's going to be the one patrolling inside–" as one, everyone but Kuro and the Negis gave a slight shudder "– but the only ones outside will likely be mage teachers. They'll understand."

"Wait, why aren't _they_ doing this?" Chisame demanded. "After all, they're teachers! And mages too! This is _THEIR_ job!"

Haruna snorted. "If the proper authorities can be expected to do their jobs against supervillains properly, there wouldn't be any need for heroes and Magical Girls like us, now would there?"

'Nelly' frowned. "Haruna, that's not very nice…"

"True though," Haruna said.

"And misleading," Yue said. "While the teachers are competent, they're more used to fighting defensively and as a coordinated group, working off a central battle plan. Their priority will be to delay any attackers while trying to evacuate students, while at the same time trying to keep the students ignorant of the situation"

"Whereas we," Sakurazaki said, continuing the thought, "have more experience fighting in a dynamic urban battlefield with civilians to watch out for."

"We'll move in teams of three," Kagurazaka said. "That way, if there's an attack and someone gets injured, someone can get them out while the third provides cover. There's enough of us that the arrangement will still allow us to cover plenty of ground. Calculator will be in charge of communications."

Ala Alba nodded in agreement, while the rest looked at Chisame, even Negi.

"What?" she demanded. "What's everyone looking at me for?"

"They're waiting for you to give your approval of the plan," Matoi said into her ear. "After all, you're our leader."

Chisame and several other people jumped. " ** _GAH!_** " the hacker cried, whirling and pointing at the older girl. " _You were there?_ "

"Always," Matoi said.

"Did you know she was there?" Haruna asked Yue, who shook her head, annoyed at the oversight.

"How'd we miss seeing _her?_ " Calculator demanded.

"Don't feel bad," Matoi said. "It's one of my many secret skills."

"Well…" Asuna said dryly, "we know who one of Chisame's teammates will be."

Chisame gave her a dirty look. Hakase and Matoi, behind her back, exchanged something similar.

Negi, in a rare moment of insight, said, "You don't have to go together, Chisame-san. I'm sure we can find Matoi-san a different teammate."

Matoi looked indignant, but before she could say anything, Chisame waved a dismissive hand. "No, it's all right. She's going to be following me everywhere anyway, she might as well be on my team."

"Ah!" Matoi gushed. "Chisame-sama wants me with her!"

"DON'T MISUNDERSTAND DELIBERATELY!" Chisame snapped.

"And your other teammate will be Hakase-san, since you have experience working together, right," Haruna said, face completely innocent. This, of course, made everyone but the Negis to look at her suspiciously, but she maintained the look.

"I guess…" Calculator said. She looked at Hakase. "Unless you have any objections?"

Hakase shook her head. "I'll just tell Sakurako where I'll be so she can cover for me if need be."

"What about the rest of us?" Asuna asked.

Calculator tapped her leg. "Well, Yue, Haruna and Nodoka are already an effective team. I think it would be best if you two stick with another member of Ala Alba…"

"I call Twilight-neechan!" Asuna called.

Kuro quirked an eyebrow, smiling slightly. "What _do_ you two get up to?"

"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter," Twilight snapped. "Not everyone is incest-obsessed like you, Einzbern!"

_Somewhere, a whole universe except for Saotome Haruna sneezed._

'Nelly' smiled apologetically. "I understand your enthusiasm, Asuna-san, but it would be tactically unwise to have you two together. I think it would be best if you team up with Konoka and our Setsuna."

Asuna frowned and looked about to protest, but Twilight put a hand on her shoulder. "Trust us, imouto-chan. It's not too smart to keep us both on the same team. Having both a Shinmeiryu swordswoman _and_ our Artifact in two teams is our best bet in case of attack.

Asuna sighed and huffed. "Oh, fine!"

"Since when did you two start acting so sisterly chummy?" Calculator asked.

"Since a while back," Twilight said. "Didn't you notice?"

Setsuna was frowning, but nodded. "Yes, it would be best if each team had an experienced fighter in it. The Asuna-sans will not be in any danger that way."

Everyone stared at her… and burst out laughing.

Setsuna glared. "What was it I said that amuses you?"

Kuro managed to suppress her laughter enough to say, "Wait until you see Asuna fight. Then you'll get it."

Setsuna frowned again— she seemed to like that expression— and glanced at the Asunas. Both just smiled brightly.

"Right then," Twilight said. "Imouto, you go with our Setsuna and Konoka. Setsuna-san, you're with me and Kuro." She smirked slightly. "I'll try not to slow you down."

"What about her?" Chisame asked, nodding at Calculator.

"Do I _look_ stupid enough to actually get in a straight fight?" the hacker said. "I'll be handling coordination. Everyone, take out your cell phones."

Chisame frowned at her implication, but drew out her phone with the others. Ala Alba lay theirs in a pile in front of Calculator, and the others hesitantly did the same. Chisame twitchily noted Matoi's had a Chiu-chan cellphone charm on it.

Calculator drew her Artifact, and her own sprites appeared, hovering next to her. Chisame noted that they were distinctly slightly larger than her own. A product of age, maybe.

"Standard modification three," Calculator ordered.

"Yes, Calculator-sama!" the sprites cried diving down and _into_ the cell phones.

Asuna yelped as one dove into her phone, which started to jerk around. "Hey, what gives?-!" she demanded.

"Relax," Calculator said, a holographic keyboard and screen hovering in front of her. "It's harmless. Pactio communication is effectively useless for mass coordination since its all routed through the Pactio Master, and only Yue has a telepathic transceiver in her armor. I'm modifying your phones to act as walky-talkies and locators, using their own transceivers and GPS functions. That way, we're all connected and I know where you are and what's happening. And on the plus dude, it doesn't cost a thing."

Chisame perked up. "Really? We can do that?"

"Well, I can," Calculator said. "But I don't see why you can't. I'll teach you how later."

"Ah!" Matoi gushed again. "Other-Chisame-sama is so cool!"

Calculator calmly reached over and turned the stalker's head to point at Chisame. "Over _there_ , Tsunetsuki-san."

Chisame glared at her. "Oh, sure, make her my problem."

"She was originally your problem to begin with!"

Haruna chuckled. "Ah, the life of a babe magnet. Brings back memories, eh, Negi-sensei, Yue-chi?"

The Negis spluttered. "H-Haruna/-san!" they chorused.

"I DON'T HAVE A HAREM!" Yue snapped.

Chisame gave her a sideways glance. "You keep _saying_ that. I'm almost curious enough to ask what the deal is…"

"I'm not going to talk about it, and there _is_ no _deal_ because I DON'T HAVE A HAREM!" Yue said, directing a glare at Haruna.

Haruna sighed. "I'm surrounded by spineless prudes."

"Hey!" Kuro cried.

"I beg your pardon?" Matoi said testily.

"Sorry," Haruna said apologetically. "Everyone's a spineless prude but the stalker and the incestophile."

Negi blinked. "What's ince—"

"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" nearly everyone chorused.

"Come on people, back to business," Twilight said, pulling out a tourist map of Kyoto, their inn marked on it. "Here are the patrol zones. Nodoka, Yue, Haruna, you take the northern blocks. Asuna-chan, you, Setsuna and Konoka take the East. Konoka, keep yourself covered up, okay? You're in danger too."

Konoka nodded.

"Sakurazaki-san, you, Kuro-chan and I will patrol the west. The three off us have the most mobility, so our area is bigger than the others," Twilight continued.

"Leaving the west for Hasegawa-san and her harem," Haruna commented.

"I DON'T HAVE A HAREM!" Chisame snapped as Yue sneezed and Matoi giggled girlishly.

Calculator groaned, rubbing at her temples. "This is going to be a long night…"

"People!" Twilight cried. "Pay attention! Last bit. Nelly's going with Chisame's maids. They'll be providing cover for the inn itself and the area immediately surrounding it."

Setsuna frowned. "Will that be enough? Even though she's a mage, Nelly-san is only one person."

Chisame blinked. She stared at Setsuna, then at 'Nelly'. "She doesn't know, does she?"

"Know what?" Setsuna asked.

"You know these guys are from another universe, right?" Chisame said.

Setsuna nodded. "Or so their Konoka-san says. Something about one of Hakase's experiments."

"You realize Nelly isn't really Negi's cousin, right?" Chisame persisted.

Setsuna frowned. "I assumed so."

"Don't you know who she is?" Chisame asked.

"No," Setsuna said. "I assumed, like Kuro-san, that she was not part of 3-A."

There was a beat. Then feminine laughter filled the room.

Setsuna glared at them all. "Did I say something funny?"

Chuckling, Hauna stumble-crawled behind 'Nelly', pulling back 'her' hair. "Setsuna-san, look at 'Nelly'-chan here and maybe squint a little. Now, who do you see?"

Setsuna frowned at 'Nelly' and squinted. Then her eyes went wide. "W-wha…?-!"

"Get it now?" Haruna said.

"Hina's blade," Setsuna swore. "You're from a world where Negi-sensei is a girl?-!"

_Somewhere, 3-A's Madoka, a cute little girl in another universe and a member of Ala Iridia all sneezed._

'Nelly' sighed. "A year and people haven't let this joke go yet… No, Setsuna-san, this is just a disguise."

Setsuna stared at him a little longer, more realization setting in, then turned to give Haruna a flat look. "This is somehow Haruna's fault, isn't it?"

"Perceptive girl," Kuro commented.

"Still, why a female disguise?" Setsuna asked. "Why not to pose as another boy, or even use an Age Disguising Pi—"

"No! Not that!" all of Ala Alba but Negi shouted.

Setsuna blinked. "Why is that? What is so fearsome about an aged Negi-sensei?"

The older girls seemed about to reply, but then, as one, only stopped short of saying anything, looking as if they were rummaging through their brains for the perfect excuse.

Kuro, in contrast, only shrugged. "Always asked myself that. It isn't like he's a hideous troll."

Albert grinned maliciously. "If anything, it's the opposite!"

Kuro waved a hand. "Meh, if you're into that kind of thing. I still think it's silly, to lose control just like that..." She sighed dreamily. "After all, his penis isn't even as big as Onii-chan's… or his skin as soft as Illya-chan's… or as seme as Miyu…"

"No one has lost control over anything!" Kagurazaka protested while Asuna gave her a very worried look. "And keep your weird fetishes in check, Kuro!"

"Nee-chan..." the younger redhead said.

"Yeah?"

"He can't possibly be any more charming than Takahata-sensei, could he?" True, she had seen that picture of him aged up, and she thought he came close but not quite there. Still, she knew a big part of a man's charm was how he looked in actual motion.

Asuna opened her mouth to give a proper, image-preserving answer, but all she could say was, "I can't answer that without breaking your continuum, or continuity, or whatever it's called."

Asuna's eyes became a large black 'X' on her face. "I'll choose to take that as a 'No'."

"It's probably the best for you," Kagurazaka admitted. "Okay, everyone, if there aren't more questions, let's spread out and keep those eyes and ears well open! That includes you, Tsunetsuki-san! Try to look at something other than Chisame every once in a while!"

Matoi glanced at AngelGARd. "And you've put up with her for how long, again?"

"As our field leader? More than a year. Why? I see nothing wrong about her overall leadership abilities."

"If you say so..." Matoi sighed.

"We're very lucky to have Asuna around!" Maga Alba chirped.

"Yeah, things just wouldn't be the same if Asuna-neesan had been, I dunno, forced to sleep for 100 years to save Mundus Magicus, or something like that!" Albert said.

Every non-Ala Alba stared weirdly at him.

The ermine chuckled nervously. "Sorry. The idea just came to my mind for some reason..."

Erebus sighed. "Will people leave that one alone? It was an early draft of the plan…"

...

**Debatable Cuteness**

"Anyway!" Kero-san said, flying straighter and assuming a self-important pose, "Since you were the one who opened the book and released the Clow Cards, you'll be tasked with the mission of recovering them, one by one!"

"How do I do that?-!" Nodoka gasped loudly.

"You won't," Yue said. "Listen, Kero-san…"

"Kerberos!"

"Kero-san, since you are the guardian of those cards, that's your responsibility and task, not ours," Ayase didn't flinch. "We're minors in school, and we aren't ready to take any part time jobs yet."

"I can't do that, since you reduced me to this pathetic vestigial form!" the plushie cried. "I can barely take on an angry rat anymore, so you can't just leave me hanging alone with the consequences of what you've done!"

"I'm reasonably sure we can," Yue disagreed.

"Oh, Yue!" Nodoka gulped.

"Come on, Nodoka. He's only trying to trick you with cheap psychology, appealing to your obvious guilt feelings and using his debatable cuteness to enforce his dominance."

"DEBATABLE?-!" the mini-lion screamed. "I'll have you know little kids fight over me!"

"At least let's listen to him. Maybe catching the cards is really easy, like just searching for them with a special radar and picking them where they fell," Nodoka argued.

_No one sneezed. We are not going there. No way, no how, nu-uh!_

"Nodoka, those things have just wrecked this whole room!" Yue had to remind her.

Kero looked around. "It looks like The Windy's handwork. It was most likely at the top of the book when it was Sealed. The Windy is normally a peaceful, helpful card, but after lying dormant for so long, it must have…"

"It woke up cranky?" Yue interrupted.

"Well, they are missing their creator, the great mage Clow Reed– or was he a magus? I always get those two mixed p– and they have been startled brusquely, waking up in a world they don't recognize. Think what would happen if you had superpowers, and then you were shaken and kicked out of bed after… What year is this, anyway?"

Nodoka told him.

"Huh. It hasn't been that long after all. I wonder if Miss Kitty and Mr. Blood are still living at… Where are we, anyway?"

"Kyoto," Yue answered this time.

"Kyoto? I went to sleep in Tomoeda! How did I end up at Kyoto?-!"

"How would we know?" Yue grunted.

"Well, I want you to learn that while you're hunting for the Clow Cards," Kero rasped. "Now, Miss Nodoka, the Clow Cards have a wide variety of different and very effective powers, so you'll need to capture them with very special equipment. Take the small key embedded into the Clow's cover."

"Th-This one?" Nodoka asked, pulling a tiny pink key with diminutive white wings out of the place where the lion's image had been moments before. It came out easily, and weighed nothing at all.

"Exactly," the plushie nodded. "Now hold it close to your heart and repeat this after me, word by word, very carefully…"

...

**The Reason Why**

"There's something I have to ask you—" Ruri began. She was well aware she was starting that conversation in what had to be one of the worst possible ways.

And Joker held a hand up. "Please don't start that way. We're going to run the reference into the ground."

"Huh?" Quartum blinked.

"Never mind," Joker said. "Continue, Ruri-Ruri."

"Well," the girl re-started, "So far, I've hacked into several sites all across the world that deal with mystical nonsense, and I've gathered all that information for you, but why? What's the point? How does that help you at all?"

"Ah, _that_ ," the clown scratched his long chin. "Well, to be honest, we're trying to stop an evil secret organization opposing our evil secret organization by gathering ancient artifacts of power to prevent the end of the world as we know it."

"... You?" Ruri asked. "Doing something altruistically trite and cliche?"

Joker shrugged. "If the world ends, I'll never be able to marry Batman and kill him on our wedding night."

Ruri blinked.

Slowly, she turned her head to look at Quartum. "And why are _you_ doing this?"

"I was ordered to," the construct said.

"Ah," Ruri answered.

They made a very long and poignant pause.

"But you'll destroy the world your own way afterwards, won't you?" she guessed.

Joker shrugged. "Well, if by 'destroying the world' you mean 'eradicating most of the world's population', maaaaaaybeeee. Me, I prefer more exact terminologies."

Ruri hid her face between her hands.

"Why weep for mankind?" Quartum asked her. "Weren't you raised in a lab without any human contact that didn't involve sticking needles into you?"

"Idiot. I'm weeping for the Internet," she dryly replied.

Joker patted her on a shoulder. "Relax, the cockroaches will survive Armageddon, so 4Chan won't disappear...!"

"Wasn't that myth busted?" Quartum said.

The other two stared at him. He shrugged. "I like the big explosions on that show. It's so soothing…"

...

**Card Catching for Dummies**

_"O, Key of the Seal…"_ Kero said.

 _"O, Key of the Seal…"_ Nodoka repeated. A rather flabbergasted Yue stood shortly behind her, silent.

_"Here stands one who wishes to enter a Contract with thee…"_

_"Here stands one who wishes to enter a Contract with thee…"_

_Somewhere, Kyubey sneezed and wondered why he felt he was missing an opportunity. Then he forgot about it and went back to recruiting Sayaka._

"Are you sure this is really safe?" Yue finally asked, her skin crawling as she saw the floor under Nodoka's feet glowing. "No matter how cute this small animal may be, signing a 'contract' with him could be dangerous!"

_Back in Mahora, Kyubey sneezed again. Sayaka offered him a tissue._

_In another universe, another Nodoka had brief doubts before accepting the offer of her dimension's Kyubey, but took it after all. And so she and all her friends were doomed…_

_"A girl named Miyazaki Nodoka!"_ Kero raised his voice.

 _"Me! Miyazaki Nodoka!"_ the girl followed suit, and the sudden confidence and power in her voice surprised Yue.

"KEY!" Kero shouted. "This girl stands before you as your Master!"

And then Nodoka and the plushie said almost at the same time, loud and strong, **"RELEASE!"**

The tiny key changed in midair, transforming into a long red baton with a handle adorned by small, solid white wings. Nodoka gripped it tightly, although her hands were trembling, and Yue was impressed by the resolve in her eyes, more visible now that the influx of magic around her was literally making her bangs float around her face. Until the lights died, and the bangs fell back down, obscuring Nodoka's features once more. The shy girl panted hard, while the lion flew around her head clapping his paws.

"Bravo! Bravo! Completed successfully and right on the first attempt, too! You have been reborn, young lady! You are a Card Captor now! A proud and soon to be mighty legend in the making!"

_At least three people per class in Mahora sneezed, and an average of one per every other school in the country. Everyone at the inn sneezed, prompting Chachamaru to wonder how that particular glitch had gotten into her system._

"… For real?" Yue blinked.

Nodoka's teeth chattered after the adrenaline rush was over. "O-O-Oh my God, what have I gotten into? Kero-san, what do I have to do?"

"Go out and catch your first card," the plushie instructed.

"Wait, no training course first? At least teach her how to use her powers," Yue said. "Shouldn't there be at least a tutorial lecture? An annoying animated cutscene?"

"Her powers right now only amount to sealing the card once she finds it, and that can only be taught with practice, not theory," Kero replied.

Yue blinked. "You mean… she has to go out and catch that thing with nothing but that stick?"

"Show some respect for the staff of a Card Captor!" Kero cried.

"And she can't fly? Shoot optic blasts? Transform into powerful beasts? She can't even talk to fish or squirrels? Have her own font or little purple boxes?" Yue was in his face now. "Do you want to get her killed?-!"

"… No," the lion said.

"Why the hesitation?" Yue hissed.

"There was no hesitation! I was simply scared of your expressionless face and your huge forehead of doom being so close!"

"What's so scary about my forehead?"

"I can see myself reflected in it! It's freakier than the Legions of Hell!"

"You are just fortunate I'm not a violence prone person, Kero-san…" Yue said, trying to ignore the vein pumping madly on her head's left side.

...

**(Magical) Girl Talk**

Kuro whistled to herself as she walked the halls after dinner, and tried not to think about prana. She'd drained Chao the other night– the girl had been willing enough, though had been strangely reticent about it– and was reasonably topped up, as long as they weren't expecting her to have a dragged-out fight with Gilgamesh, Hayate or Nanoha– but honestly, it felt weird, not being filled with Illya or Miyu's prana. It felt like she was cheating on them, somehow.

Deciding not to dwell on the possibility of having committed trigamy– quargamy?– she reached her destination and knocked on the door. She'd timed it so that most of the girls were either eating, playing ping-pong or at the baths, so they should be able to talk freely…

The paper door slid aside, and Akira blinked at her, holding her own bath bucket. Well, that was serendipitous. "Kuro-san?" Akira said, staring at her in surprise. Apparently, she wasn't expected.

"Don't do that," Kuro said, stepping into the empty room and closing the door. Akira's roommates had already left, it seemed.

"Do what?"Akira asked in confusion, though worry was already coming to her face.

"Pointlessly say the self-evident out loud like that," Kuro said. "Believe me, it makes you sound like a bimbo, and quite frankly ruins the image of a proper Magical Girl."

Akria flushed. "Ah. I see."

Kuro waved a hand. "You're not as bad as some, but it would be best for your image to not feel the need to constantly narrate what's happening like you were in some Magical Girl show from the early nineties. Act the way you usually do out of costume, and you'll come off as cool, stoic, and reliable. And when you finally perform violence, it'll be easier to get pegged as a badass."

Akira started. "I'm not really a violent person, Kuro-san!"

"Good," Kuro said. "I'd be nervous having to spend the night the same building as a violence junky." Her tone softened, and she smiled slightly. "A little wisdom between mahou shoujo: the best guardians are those who aren't naturally inclined to fight, because they recognize the value of their _choice_ to fight to protect. You're a guardian, Akira-san. You protect. And if you have to fight to do it…" Kuro raised an eyebrow at her. "Then it's probably because you see the extreme need for it."

As Akira nodded slowly, Kuro sighed loudly. "Ugh… damn, I hate random attacks of philosophy. But anyway, that's not why I came to see you."

"What was it then?" Akira asked, momentarily setting down her bucket.

"To warn you," Kuro said, and Akira felt cold. Kuro, noticing her nervousness, waved a hand. "No, nothing immediate. It's just that those guys from before might attack again tonight. They were more aggressive than we thought, and it's likely they'll try a more direct approach sooner. We'll be outside the inn to guard it if anything happens, but if they somehow get through, we'll need you to be ready to act."

A few days ago, Akira would have stammered, protesting she wasn't suited for something like that. Before this conversation, she'd have said something obvious, like stammered, "M-me?" and pointed at herself. Now however, mindful of what had just been said, she listened, considered, and nodded. When she spoke, her voice carried a quiet, angry hum that underlay her perfectly normal tone. "Ah. I see. Very well then. I'll be prepared should that happen." She paused, then said hesitantly, "Um, did you…?"

"Tell anyone?" Kuro said, smilingly slightly. "No. After all, we're both Magical Girls here. It's professional courtesy to keep each other's identity secret."

Akira smiled. "That's exactly what Haruna-san said last night. Er, the other Haruna-san."

"Yeah, they'll be cool," Kuro said. "Though you should seriously consider telling your teacher. Negi might be a worrywart and a little uptight, but he understands responsibility, and if he were on your side, he might be willing to cut you some slack if you've been busy being a Sailor-suited warrior of Love and Justice. And after all, you already know _his_ secret. It might not have occurred to him yet, but he left a serious loose end flapping with you, and if you don't come clean, he's going to worry and fret about it until he self-destructs, or Hasegawa gets pissed off and throws him into the lake."

Akira chuckled, unable to help herself at the mental image. "Would she?"

Kuro shrugged, chuckling a bit herself. "Well, maybe not. She hasn't done it to Matoi-chan yet, and she's a lot more constantly aggravating."

Akira nodded, becoming serious again. "I'll… think about it. I really need to run it by my partner and associates first, though…"

Kuro tilted her head. "You said you were partnered with Venus, right?"

Akira nodded. It wasn't exactly a big secret.

"Blonde, about yae high, likes to wear a big red bow?" Kuro said, her hand raised to a certain height.

Akira nodded again, a bit more warily.

Kuro nodded in satisfaction. "Well, when you do, be sure to tell Minako-chan that Negi being in on your secret is an excellent way to get into his pants, plus unlike other people, he's totally going to be cool about it, will keep her secret, won't try to extort favors from her, and if she happens to get heavily hurt in battle, the Bedside Watch scenario is an _great_ way to hook up."

Akira's jaw dropped, momentarily breaking the laws of reality to hit the floor.

Kuro smiled smugly. "What? I _know_ the Senshi where I come from. So do the librarians, actually."

"Ah…" Akira said, considering the monosyllable to not be an instance of stating the obvious.

Kuro nodded, turning to go. "Well, see you. Get plenty of sleep tonight."

Akira started. "W-why?" she asked nervously. Was there some kind of huge fight tomorrow that Kuro knew of?

"Mahou Shoujo are usually chronically sleep-deprived," Kuro said as she opened the door again. "Enjoy the luxury while you can."

"Oh! Ah, that's good advice," Akira said, sighing slightly in relief.

"Hmm. Also, tomorrow, shit might hit the fan. A rested Magical Girl is one who might not die!" Kuro said pleasantly, shutting the door.

Akira stared at the door and slumped slightly, sighing quite loudly now. "Crap," she said as she picked up her bath bucket, resolving to enjoy her bath while she could…

...

**Decision!**

"I'll do it!" Nodoka decided.

Yue turned her aghast (but still somewhat inexpressive) face to her. "What are you saying, Nodoka? Going after those things on our own is insane! Let's just call the police and tell them magical cards are going to wreck their— Okay, forget that, let's just tell the shopkeeper."

"Which shopkeeper?" Kero blinked. "We're in a store? THEY HAD THE CLOW FOR SALE AT A STORE?-! WHY, WHAT KIND OF—!"

"Yuuko-san!" Yue called out. "Yuuko-san, please come here! There's been an emergency!"

Kero cringed back in midair. "Yuuko-sama?-! We're in Yuuko-sama's store?-!"

Nodoka blinked. "D-Do you know her?"

"I know her reputation. She was an… acquaintance of Master Clow for quite a long time. That, on itself, is enough to respect her."

However, after calling and looking for them everywhere through the store, they found no hair or trace of Yuuko, the Motoe twins, or even the 'Mokona' creature. The fact the building was so huge and labyrinthine from the inside didn't help at all either.

"How can this be?" Yue felt like tugging on her hair. "I really need some juice. Nothing of this makes any sense at all!"

"While we waste time talking, the cards are out there, raising haaa-vooooc…" Kero sing-sang.

Nodoka sighed. "It's my fault, and as such, I must pay for it, Yue-Yue. I feel indebted to Kero-san, and I want to help him…"

"Don't let yourself be guilt-tripped by a talking stuffed animal, Nodoka," Yue put her hands on her friend's shoulders. "And besides, even if you want to do this, why to do it right now? Let's head back to the Inn, sleep it over, and think about this again tomorrow when we're well rested. In the meanwhile, what if some simple rectangles of paper are flying around? They can't be possibly dangerous at a—"

A loud explosion of gale-force wind came from the nearby park, making the windows rattle and Nodoka shriek. There was a dog's howl of pain, as well.

"I should learn how to bite my tongue at times," Yue deadpanned.

...

Ala Alba, chibified and eating their dinner, were relaxing, Nodoka even curled up cutely and taking a brief power nap, before that night's patrol. The Negis had finished early and were taking a brief soak in the springs with the Chamos. Since this wasn't a bath per se but just fooling around in water, they had no objections to getting all wet together.

…

That came out more disturbingly homoerotic and double enterdre'd than anticipated…

Sitting between her kneeling maids, Calculator only picked at her food, frowning, her face troubled. Not far from them, Evangeline and Chachamaru knelt, the former enjoying tea and the huge stack of junkfood she'd bought that day. Asuna just HAD to wonder were the little vampire was getting the money for all that…

"Hey, you okay, Yumi-chan?" Asuna asked, using the alias Chisame had adopted.

Chisame made a dismissive gesture. "It's nothing, it's just that I get the feeling I'm forgetting something…"

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing," Haruna said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Hey, why are you here instead of being all disgusting with the other you?" Asuna asked.

Haruna shrugged. "She looked depressed about something, so I thought I'd give her some space."

"What, you didn't think it was appropriate to feel her up and take advantage of her vulnerability?" Yue said.

"No," Haruna said simply.

Everyone gave her a hard look.

"All right imposter, who are you and what have you don't with the _REAL_ Haruna?" Asuna snapped.

Haruna rolled her eyes. "Oh, that's rich coming from you, miss 'I-Was_French-Kiss-Assaulted-By-Luna-Chan-And-Impersonated'."

Nodoka drew out her Artifact. "My book says it's Haruna-chan, but you know how that can be fooled."

Haruna grinned widely. "By all means, feel free to have Negi-kun come over and kiss me to affirm my identity. It's an intrusive, invasive test that I shall endure with dignity for the sake of my friends!"

"It's her," Setsuna said blandly.

Everyone just rolled their eyes and got back to their food, that little bit of minor excitement out of the way.

Calculator was still frowning thoughtfully. "I'm forgetting something, I just know it… why am I thinking of pillows?"

"I'm sure I wouldn't know, Yumi-chan," Asuna said.

"Pillows… and… Asakura?" Chisame continued.

Haruna sighed theatrically. "Oh, go and eat your dinner, Yumi-chan. What do pillows and Asakura have to do with anything anyway?"

Calculator ignored her. It was generally safe to ignore Haruna outside of battle. "Pillows… Asakura… there's something there, I swear…"

"Would it have to do with the cameras Asakura-san has been installing?" Chachamaru asked from the next table.

Calculator's head snapped up. "What?" she asked sharply.

"Cameras," Chachamaru said. "Hidden in corners and light fixtures. I saw her installing them earlier. You remember, Sawa-san, you were there."

Everyone's gazes snapped to Haruna, who tried to look innocent. Unfortunately, having a face that screamed 'diabolical madwoman' had its disadvantages.

" ** _Haruna…_** " Chisame growled.

"What?" Haruna said innocently. "She was putting up cameras, I was curious. Wouldn't you be?"

Asuna frowned. "Did she put up cameras last time too? I don't remember."

"You wouldn't," Chisame said as memory began to return, of more than a year and beyond a lifetime ago. Next to Haruna, Nodoka was starting to blush brightly, while Yue had begun glaring at the mangaka as well. "You were out patrolling with Setsuna."

Asuna frowned. "I was?"

"Yeah," Chisame said, still glaring at Haruna. Her knees and ankles ached with remembered pain. "You only got there at the end. So you probably missed how _Nodoka got her Pactio_."

At the other table, Evangeline perked up. Nodoka's blush deepened.

Asuna blinked. And then the other penny dropped as realization rose. "Oh, _right_ …! The kissing game thing!" She too glared at Haruna.

"Eh-hem," Evangeline snapped. "For those of us who are going through this the first time, could someone care to explain?"

"Chamo and Asakura made a deal," Chisame said. "Some kind of insane plan to get Negi Pactios. I don't know what Asakura was getting out of it."

"She was taking bets, if I remember right," Yue said. She'd drawn her wand and was idly tapping it on the table. That was a bad sign. "Nitta busted her with a whole sack of the bets people placed."

Everyone glared at Haruna.

"Hey, what are you all mad at _me_ for?" she said, wide-eyed and indignant. No one was fooled. "It's _Asakura_ who's doing it! I'm not even involved here! I'm totally innocent!"

"You were keeping it to yourself, holding back vital information," Calculator said, pissed. "That's grounds for being send to Green Lantern to be taught how to get along with people!"

Haruna paled. "You wouldn't…!"

Calculator made a small, nasty smile.

"Oh, come on! It was only a small, harmless bet!" Haruna whined.

"What'd you bet?" Setsuna asked.

"I bet on Nodoka, of course! 2814 to 1 odds. I'm going to make a bundle!" Haruna cackled.

"But… the teams haven't been picked yet, surely?" Nodoka said, embarassed.

"Exactly!" Haruna said. "Asakura called it a sucker's deal, but just she wait…"

"Haruna!" Yue hissed. "I can't believe you!"

"Why? Don't you know me well enough by now to know this is exactly the sort of thing I'd do?" Haruna said sweetly.

"If you were going around making easy money, you should let me in on it! Armor maintenance isn't cheap!"

Everyone blinked and looked at Yue.

She raised an eyebrow. "What?" she challenged. "It isn't."

"Yue!" Asuna hissed. "These are people Chamo is messing around with! We should interfere with their lives!"

"We're not interfering, we're betting," Yue corrected. "Besides, funds are running low, and Ayaka and chizuru aren't here to bankroll us."

Asuna considered that. "So, how do we place a bet again?"

...

**The Big Competition!**

"EEEH?-!" Makie shouted.

"A kiss with Negi-sensei?" Sakurako blinked several times.

"Wh-What manner of proposition is this?-!" Ayaka gasped aloud.

"Not so loud, will you?-!" Asakura put a finger on her own lips. "Nitta and the Vice President might hear you! Anyway, the rules are very simple. It's a competition played between couples. All you have to do is to find Negi-sensei, who is somewhere in this building, and the first pair to find him has to kiss him. You'll also get a very special prize once you do that, but I won't be spoiling that surprise for you."

"Sounds fun…" Misa rubbed her chin with a lecherous grin. "Very interesting…"

"During your search, you might stumble into another team. In that case, a confrontation is mandatory. You can sabotage your enemies' progress by using only your designated, legally sanctioned weapons," Kazumi lectured.

Zazie, not saying anything, her expression still the same, pulled a baseball bat out of nowhere and held it up.

Kazumi sweatdropped. "That's too much! You'll use pillows!"

Zazie lowered the bat, turned around, and walked back for her room.

"Err… yeah, well. More for everyone else," Kazumi rasped.

"What if we get caught by Nitta or Haruka-sempai?" Haruna asked.

"Then you can't tell any single word of this to him! Zero! Zilch! Nada!" Kazumi cautioned. "You'll have to squat in the lobby even if you fall dead during it!"

"How can we be sure everyone will respect that rule?" Misora eyed everyone, especially Ayaka and Misa, with growing mistrust. "I'm sure _some people_ will prefer to sabotage the rest of us if they can't stay in the game!"

"They say every crook judges everyone else as crooks!" Ayaka huffed indignantly.

Asakura called out. "Zazie!"

The dark skinned girl peeked her head out of the room lazily. "?"

The pineapple haired girl shouted, "All stool pigeons get to 'play baseball' with you, okay?-!"

Zazie calmly swung the bat over her shoulder and nodded.

"This is so stupid," Madoka groaned.

"Yeah, count me out," Yuuna waved her hands and turned around. "I'm not in the mood for playing tag with Nitta and the Vice President."

"Ehhhh? B-But Yuuna, I was hoping you could pair up with me!" Makie whined.

Yuuna shot her a glare over her shoulder. "S-Sorry… But… But I just don't want to do it, okay? Enjoy yourself!" And she walked off back into her bedroom. Chisame, Hakase, Ako and Akira were all soundly asleep. Yuuna considered waking Chisame up and telling her what the girls planned to do with her roommate, but the mental image of Asakura gleefully instructing while Zazie played smash the watermelon with her head dissuaded her quickly. Shrugging it all off, she snuck into her own futon and tried to sleep.

Ako rolled around and swung an arm over her body, hugging her tightly, muttering a few sleepy sobs.

Yuuna rolled her eyes. To think, only a few months ago, she would have had a lot of fun playing that game with the others…

...

Chamo whistled as he dragged the chalk around the inn, drawing up the oversized, long-term pactio circle. He couldn't help but chuckle evilly. All the money he would make…! And the cute girls too…! All for Bro, of course. After all, as his familiar, and more importantly as his Bro's wing-ermine, he had an honorable– nay, sacred!– duty to see to it that Negi got as many chicks as possible! So what if he got an obscene amount of ermine dollars for virtually no work? That was merely a side benefit!

Still cackling, he turned a corner, still pulling his Tsuruya-brand mini-Chalk-o-Matic line drawer, and bumped butt-first into another furry, warm body. He started in surprise, erminely-instincts coming to the fore in case it was a mouse, rat, cat, dog, or any other thing in a huge list of things that were bad for ermines.

A devilishly handsome, suave, debonair ermine smiled at him, also pulling his own little mini-Chalk-o-Matic. "Hey, Chamo-bro! Did this side of the building for you! All you gotta do is power it up!"

Chamo blinked. "Albert-bro? what are you doing here."

Albert laughed in what Chamo would, way in the future, realized was a Rakan-ly manner. "Oh, Chamo-otouto! Puh-lease! You're just getting here, but I've already been and got the Pactios and ermine dollars! The girls might go on and on about how they should keep stuff to themselves to keep from changing things badly, but we know there's only one important thing that matters." Albert gave Chamo an erminely thumbs up. "Getting the Anikis hooked up with hotties! Granted, mine is already hooked up with most of the girls he came with, but maybe I can finally get him to Pactio up with Eva-sama. Or maybe Kuro-chan will see reason…"

Chamo felt his lower lip trembling. "Bro! To think I would finally find someone who understood!"

"Otouto!"

"Bro!"

"Otouto!"

"Bro!"

"OTOUTO!"

"BRO!"

...

**_Alliance of Kinda-Sorta Evil!_ **

Chamo was waiting for Kazumi once she made it apart from the group. "Well, how did it go?" he whispered.

She grinned and gave him a thumbs up. "Hook, line, sinker! I got five teams out of this. Iincho and Makie, Chizuru and Natsumi, Haruna and Ku, the twins, and Misora and Misa. I think I also can angle Honya-chan and Yue as soon as they get back. You did your part too?"

"Of course I did!" he laughed, holding a piece of chalk up. "It took me a while, but I just finished the magic circle all around the Inn! It'll last for the whole night, and until dawn, anyone who kisses my Bro inside of this building will get a Pactio automatically!"

"Good, good!" Asakura nodded her approval. "And we'll split the results 50/50 as agreed, won't we?"

"Well, I'm not sure how you could trade ermine dollars for Yen, but sure," Chamo said. "Remember, each Provisional card is worth 50, 000. Permanent cards net around thrice that, but the Bro's still too young for those."

"Uh-huh," Kazumi nodded again. "If a kiss grants a provisional alliance, then for the permanent one, you need—"

"You catch on quick, Anee-san," the ermine replied.

"Well, it's simply logical, isn't it?"

"By the way, why won't you make a Pactio with the Bro as well?" he tempted. "Who knows what kind of wonderful, very useful Artifact you'd get…"

She shook a finger. "Sorry, but I don't mix business and pleasure! Besides, I'm not thrilled by the idea of Iincho punching my teeth out! Now let's stop talking here and head to my room! As soon as Iincho and the others are done with the preparations, we'll have the whole place for us to use and monitor everyone! Ha ha ha!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" Chamo joined the laughter.

"Umm, so this is what Evil Laughter feels like…" the redhead mused. "It's great feeling, actually! No wonder Haruna indulges into it so much!"

Passing by nearby without being noticed by either on her way from the vending machine, Evangeline overheard them and shook her head to herself.

_Stupid amateurs…_

As the two conspirators headed to their room, a voice called out, "Hey ,wait up!"

Blinking, Asakura turned to find a _second_ ermine, identical to Chamo in nearly every way, scampering towards them, carrying a bunch of papers. "You've got bets incoming!"

Asakura blinked down at the ermine, frowning. "Wait… haven't I seen you before? Oh! You're the ermine that Nelly-chan bought with her!" Asakura snapped her fingers. "Damn, I should have realized!"

"Eh, you're new at this," the second ermine said. "Call me Albert. And a couple of people I represent would like to place their bets as after seeing your lineup."

"I'm not letting Sawa-chan change bets," Asakura said quickly. "If she insists on betting like that on Nodoka before I even know if she's going to join in, it's her fault for wasting her money!"

Albert waved a paw dismissively. "Nah, not that. The others just wanted to put in their votes." He leafed through the little envelopes. "Okay, Akemi-chan is betting on Iincho getting some."

Asakura raised an eyebrow. "She's betting on Ayaka? Why?"

"She figures without Asuna in the game the class rep can kick anyone's ass."

"Ku's in play," Asakura pointed out.

"She's REALLY sure," Albert said.

Asakura shrugged. "Her money," she said, noting the bet.

"Okay, Yumi-chan is betting you get busted before the night is out," Albert continued.

"Not taking that one," Asakura said firmly.

"Ai is betting on Nodoka too."

"Noted.

"Yuu-chan is voting Makie.""

"Makie?-!-?"

"She wasn't really serious, and it wasn't a lot of money. Anyway, Natusko–"

"Who?"

"The one with the serious face."

"Gotcha."

"Anyway, she's betting Haruna gets to Negi before Nodoka but Nodoka gets a kiss first."

"Ooh, a risk-taker. Anything else?"

"Kuro-chan is betting Negi gets kissed, but not by anyone in 3-A."

Asakura raised an eyebrow. "Did she now?"

Albert nodded. "Something about how the world still wants to screw with all of you."

Asakura smirked and took the money. "Deal."

Suckers.

...

...

**_Night Patrol_ **

Sneaking out of the building was easy. So were avoiding Asakura's cameras.

"That's pretty handy," Asuna said as the crab-shaped lift lowered them down from their room's window. "Maybe we should see if our Haruna gets something like that."

Chisame, Hakase, Matoi, Setsuna, Valkyrie Black, AngelGARd, Twilight Red, and Psycho Purple all stared at her in horror.

Asuna chuckled. "Kidding! Man, you should have seen your faces!"

"Shh!" Kuro hissed. "Keep it down!"

Silently, she crossed to the fence and easily leapt over it. The others followed more slowly, using Haruna's crab-lift thing to get over the barrier. Erebus and the robot maids had already gone to the roof, and he waved at them as they left before crouching down to minimize his profile. Once on the street, they crept away from the inn until they reached a convenient turn.

"All right," Twilight Red said. She kept her voice low, and everyone instinctively leaned forward to listen. "We split up here. Everyone be careful, and remember: if you hear a scream of utter terror, you run _towards_ it."

As Ala Alba chuckled ruefully, Hakase frowned. "That doesn't seem very sensible," she said, crossing her arms, a pose her Artifact's robotic arms imitated. They had changed before setting off, so as not to draw attention with the nudity and lightshow.

"Sure it is," Haruna drawled. "The one we're running towards could be _you_."

Hakase considered this. "A valid point."

" _Cut the comedy, people,_ " Calculator's voice cut in from everyone's phones. " _Tick-tock. You're only getting more tired, and there's a lot of ground to cover."_

"Oh, bite me, Chisame," Haruna said, but she nodded at Nodoka and Yue, and together they headed towards their assigned quadrant.

The groups began to fragment, the Asunas and Setsunas pairing up with their thirds and each heading away into the dark.

Chisame, Matoi and Hakase looked at each other and sort of group-shrugged. "I guess we better get going," Chisame said, straightening her hat and gripping her wand. She frowned and adjusted the glasses perched on her nose. Ala Alba said they were some kind of magical identity-disguising glasses they'd been lent in lieu of masks, but she really didn't feel any different wearing it, and Hakase and Matoi said they hadn't really noticed any difference. Maybe they were just psychological props?

"Going where?" Hakase asked. She was tapping a little flat-screen device, which was showing a map of the area around them. Their area of responsibility had been outlined in orange. It was quite obviously smaller than all the others. Chisame didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved.

Chisame shrugged. "I don't know, anywhere? It's not like we have an appointment. Maybe we should just start walking."

She suited actions to words, picking a direction and started putting one elegantly shod and stockinged foot in front of the other, the other two following behind. Hakase's Artifact was surprisingly quiet for its size. Matoi made no sound whatsoever.

The three mismatched teenagers stepped into the Kyoto night…

...

**Lips at War Prelude: Haruka.**

"Suzushiro-kun," Nitta-sensei began, with his arms crossed behind his back martially.

"Yes, Sensei?" Suzushiro Haruka asked with the utmost, firm respect, standing before him with her arms stuck to her sides, her head high and her clear eyes open.

"I think you have been told about the earlier incidents today involving Class 3-A, haven't you?" the adult asked, glasses glinting dangerously.

"Indeed, Sir!" Haruka replied quickly.

"Then you know they haven't stopped acting unruly and troubling since we set foot here. They take advantage of Negi-sensei's youth to do whatever they want, but as long as we're in charge of the discipline for this trip, they won't get it their way!"

"Of course not, Sir!" the senior student agreed without any hesitation.

"A few minutes ago, I instructed them to stay in their rooms all night long, but even now, I can tell they'll be trying to break the rules and escape to… do God knows which what. I prefer not thinking about it, and it won't happen anyway, because you and I will be there to prevent it!"

Haruka took her hand to her wide forehead in a military salute. "Naturally, Sensei! As long as I, Suzushiro Haruka, Vice President of the Mahora Student Council and its future President, draws breath, those pedophile savages won't get to pull their packet!"

"I believe you mean 'racket', Suzushiro-kun," Nitta corrected, knowing about the blonde's tendency for malapropisms.

"Actually, I meant 'packet', Sir," she said. "Because they'll surely be gunning for Negi-sensei, and that means…"

Nitta blinked.

Haruka winced uncomfortably. "You know, being perverts… They'll go for the packet… 'Packet' being their vulgar kind of lingo for…"

Nitta's scowl grew.

Haruka fidgeted a bit. "Of course, n-not that I've ever given that packet any kind of thought…"

"I never said you did, Suzushiro-kun."

She smiled. "That's good! Because I never did!"

He nodded slowly. "Glad to hear… Regardless, we'll split the surveillance along the halls tonight, until it's Seruhiko and Kotegawa-kun's turn. Any student found wandering out of her room without a good excuse, like having her intestines hanging out, is to be punished severely by making her squat in the lobby all night long!"

"Count on me, Sir! I'll keep the packet safe!" Then she blushed and pressed her hands over her mouth.

Nitta sighed. "By the way, Suzushiro-kun, I believe you meant 'the package', not 'the packet'…"

"Well, yes, that," she admitted begrudgingly.

...

**_Making the Rounds_ **

Setsuna fidgeted, filled with nervous energy. Her left hand gripped Yuunagi spasmodically, randomly tightening at her impatience.

"Something wrong, Sakurazaki-san?" the older Asuna asked her. Slightly ahead of them, Kuro was stalking along the streets, walking lightly on her feet, slightly hunched.

Setsuna pursed her lips, adjusting the glasses she had been given. "Kagurazaka-san, perhaps you better stay back. Kuro-san and I will make much better progress if we can leave the streets."

Asuna raised an eyebrow. Her domino mask was quite expressive, in its way. "Leave the streets, huh? What are you going to do, fly?"

Setsuna suppressed a wince and an urge to rub at her back at those words. Did she _have_ to put it like that? "No offense, Kagurazaka-san, but we _do_ need to walk faster than a leisurely stroll."

Asuna nodded solemnly. "An excellent point. We've got the most ground to cover, so we should leave behind anyone who can't keep up."

Setsuna nodded, glad Asuna had seen her point.

There was a flicker as Asuna suddenly leapt into the air, landing lightly on the roof of a nearby building. "Try to keep up, then," she said mischievously, and began to hop speedily from roof to roof. A black and red blur said Kuro as on her trail.

Setsuna stared in astonishment before the realization set in she was getting left behind, and leapt to catch up…

...

**Lips at war Prelude: Haruna and Ku Fei.**

"I wonder what's taking Nodo-chan and Yuecchi so long," a disappointed Haruna mused while tying her kimono's belt tightly. "I wanted them to win this…"

"Never mind them-aru!" said Ku Fei. "This is our big chance to get close to Negi-kun! Well, mine. You already got your own guy. But you'll still help me, no?"

Haruna was humming absently. "Maybe they're finally doing naughty things while they're alone? I'll never forgive them if they don't invite me to join their first time!"

Ku was seriously irked now. "Hey, are you listening? We'll never win the game if we don't focus on it!"

Paru looked back at her at last. "You, focused? That's a new one on me!"

The Chinese girl grinned. "I'm very focused when it comes to fighting-aruyo! And this isn't only a fight, but a war!"

"Then lead the way, Sun Tzu!" Haruna gestured grandly. "The only prisoner we'll take is Negi-kun's sweet young mouth!"

They closed their eyes, put their hands on their hips, and laughed evilly together.

"Wow, those lessons I gave you worked, after all!" Haruna noticed.

"I'm also a good learner when I want to!" Ku was satisfied. "Who taught **you** , by the way?"

"Oh, I picked it from Auntie Kodachi…"

...

**_Rounds the Making_ **

Asuna fidgeted, filled with nervous energy. Her left hand gripped her Artifact harisen spasmodically, randomly tightening at her impatience.

"Something wrong, Asuna-chan?" the older Konoka asked her, skipping along next to her on the streets, humming a happy little tune and tapping a little collapsible hand against her hand.

Asuna frowned, adjusting the glasses she had been given. Man these things pinched! "Konoka-san, aren't we going a little slow? I mean, we're hardly going to see anyone this way."

Konoka raised an eyebrow, smiling. Her domino mask was quite expressive, in its way. "In a hurry, Asuna-chan?"

Darn it, she sounded _so_ much like Konoka… Asuna steeled her resolve. "Hey, if those creeps are out there getting ready to go after Konoka-chan again, I want to be ready to kick their teeth in!"

Konoka giggled. "It's nice to know that wherever we might be, Asuna-chan is still Asuna-chan."

Asuna grinned widely. "Well, who else would I be?"

Konoka tapped her lips thoughtfully, tapping her considerable knowledge of speculative fiction. "Well, you could secretly be Negi-kun's mother's daughter sister, who was born when Negi's mom was raped by her dad…"

_Alternate universe. Sneeze. You know the drill._

Asuna made a face. "Ugh. What have you been _reading_?"

Konoka shrugged, looking up briefly as Setsuna leapt over head and signaled her. "Sorry. Dark fiction seems to be the 'in' thing lately. I blame Urobuchi Gen and Senator Ishihara."

Asuna rolled her eyes, making a few swings with her harisen. "Heck, if you're going to imagine me as someone else, you might as well make me a–" Asuna cast about her baka brain to think of the most outrageous thing she could think of, "– some kind of immortal princess from a fantasy kingdom who's in hiding from the forces of evil who want to use her to destroy the world! _Ah-ACHOO!_ "

_A few blocks away, Asuna sneezed._

"Bless you," Konoka said, trying to keep a straight face and wondering exactly how much Asuna subconsciously remembered. "Do you want me to **_heal you?_** "

The last two words were said with such creepy emphasis Asuna shuddered, wiping her nose. "Nah, I'm good."

Konoka nodded. "Good. Did Asuna-chan get around to teaching you how to boost yourself with Negi's magic through your Artifact?"

"A little," Asuna said.

"Good. Because Set-chan just saw something." Muttering something under her breath, Konoka effortlessly leapt up from the street onto the top of a concrete wall surrounding a house, and from there she landed lightly on the house's roof.

Asuna gaped for a moment before she remembered her own training, concentrating and muttering the latin phrase before she felt a rush of energy flood into her, and she followed up. Her leaps and landings weren't as light or as practiced as Konoka's, and she was afraid she might had woken up someone in the house below, but fortunately no one came out to see what the commotion was.

Setsuna was crouched atop the roof, watching at the area east of the inn intently. "Movement to the north," she said, mildly inclining her head to her left. "I can't be sure, but I think it's the local Kotaro-kun."

Asuna blinked. "Who?" she asked, turning her head to look that way.

"Freeze!" Setsuna snapped, and Asuna grew still… then nearly fell off the roof as she lost her balance. Only Konoka's quick hand saved her from a potentially painful and embarrassing fall, and a part of her had to wonder how _Konoka_ of all people had such better balance then her. What next, Nodoka would become some kind of supreme, world-shaking badass?

_A few blocks away, Nodoka sneezed._

"We don't want him to know we've seen him," Setsuna said, making a show of peering suspiciously at a passing car. Or maybe _really_ peering suspiciously at it. "If we pretend ignorance, he might be lulled into making a mistake that will let us capture him."

"Ah," Asuna said. "Um, okay. But shouldn't we tell the others, at least?"

" _Already did,_ "Calculator's voice said from Asuna's phone, and Asuna nearly fell again.

"You've been listening the whole time?" Asuna hissed.

" _I wouldn't be much of a central control if I waited for you guys to call in, now would I?"_ Calculator said. " _The others already know and are keeping an eye out in case of more scouts. There's been some weird wind activity, but not near here, and we really can't afford to send someone to check it out. Be alert though. They might try weather magic or something on us._ "

Asuna blinked. "They can do that?"

" _What do you think lightning is?_ "

"We'll be careful, Calculator-chan!" Konoka chirped. Asuna frowned and tried to find her balance.

"Come on," Setsuna said, looking over her shoulder at Asuna. "If you're okay with it, I think we have time to teach you the basics of roof hopping…"

...

**Lone Wolf**

Patrol the perimeters, scout the area, check for all probable entrances and escape routes. It was an easy enough task, and Kotaro had pulled it off with the efficiency granted by practice. However, he hadn't been able to approach the Inn itself as much as he wanted to, since he could smell and hear the meddlers Chigusa had told him about from a figurative mile, and they couldn't reveal their next hand yet.

Across the distance, he could see they were playing it safe too, stalking a decently wide sector around the building but never going too far. Probably they were expecting a second attack right that night. Kotaro snickered to himself, but he had to admit they seemed good at it. They moved like they knew what they were doing, and more than once, he thought they might have spotted him despite all the distance and the fact he was being as stealthy as he could.

A tiny part of his brain that sounded a lot like Kagome-Mama kept on pestering him, telling him maybe they knew and they were just waiting for him to do something stupid like attacking by himself or simply getting in range, but as usual, he shut it down before calling it a night. He had seen how they worked and moved, and had a general idea of how to approach the inn and possibly escape it, in case the next operation failed too and they had to try a third time. He still itched for a fight, but a good mercenary knew when to hold back, boring or not.

He was on his way back to the base, briefly stopping at an Arcade to play a little and take a piss, when he noticed the weird winds. Cold as icy hell, and while that didn't bother him at all, he felt it was too strange for his liking. His nose twitched, as he felt the winds growing stronger and stronger by the moment, even moving several of the punks gathered around wasting their time to fan out grumbling back home to their mommies. Faint, infantile memories stirred, of other unnatural winds…

Old Lady Chigusa had told him to stay on the lookout for anything peculiar, anything that could be either a hazard to their plans or a tool to be claimed and used. That, and plain curiosity and boredom, moved him to investigate the situation. The winds seemed to blow from an obvious direction, and as he followed that way, he felt them becoming even stronger, as if he was approaching a hurricane. That only made him grin even more. Cool. He hadn't fought a weather controlling wizard yet. It might be an interesting experience…

Yeah, no way those freaky winds were a natural occurrence. They blew too randomly, almost like unleashed wild animals roaming around in all directions from a single origin point.

Kotaro whistled to himself, happily. His ears twitched inside of his wool cap. Hands in his pockets, he entered the lonely park from where the main focal point of the problem seemed to be coming.

...

Meanwhile, the Ala Alba's Nodoka, Haruna and Yue were patrolling in their usual manner.

"— and who does Dan Brown think he's kidding?" Haruna said. "There's making stuff up and there's just being lazy! I mean, come ON! Half the stuff he gets wrong he can check up on over google!"

Yue was nodding in agreement, her Souken hidden for now, moving surprisingly quietly in her armor. "It's quite lazy, really. And his plots are so predictable, literally. Not to mention his villains are offensive to minorities. He's almost as bad as that Meyer woman. Kotaro is still watching us, by the way."

"Purple-chan, have you gotten close enough to read his mind?" Haruna said, gesticulating wildly as if she were still ranting.

From her bush, Nodoka shook her head. "He moved off before I could get close enough. I don't think he smelled me, though."

"I've been meaning to ask for whole now, how _did_ you get so good at sneaking around I'm bushes?" Haruna asked.

They patrolled on.

...

**Decisive Encounter**

_The Store:_

The good news was that the store's doors were finally unlocked now that Yuuko and her twins had vanished. The bad news was that Nodoka had insisted on following Kero-san to the park, where the small creature claimed the first Clow Card would be.

"What if it's something else?" Yue kept on asking. "Like a super-criminal on the loose? Today, the news was saying they arrested one of those at the train station. Apparently, she had taken over several train cars…"

"It's nothing of the sort!" Kero hushed her. "I can feel it! You'll learn how to sense it as well eventually, Nodoka!"

"Ah! Ah, yes!" Nodoka nodded very quickly.

Yue sighed and kept a hand over her forehead of doom, trying to keep the strong winds out of her eyes. "If this is really a wind card's work, you don't exactly need magic to tell we're getting closer to it. This wind keeps becoming stronger as we walk on!"

"Like I said, The Windy doesn't act this violent normally," Kero repeated. "Come to think of it, it should have calmed down since its release, unless someone has provoked it…"

"What kind of imbecile would pick a fight with a floating card that surrounds itself with mini hurricanes like this?" Yue asked.

Right then, a blur in black flew past them, startling them all. The blur crashed against a tree and slumped down to the grass, where it groaned. Now the girls could see he was a boy, even as Kero ducked behind Nodoka's back for cover. A boy wearing a black wool cap and growling between clenched teeth. He looked just as young as Negi-sensei.

"What are you doing here?" Yue turned a flashlight on him, examining him up and down. "This isn't a place for children. Go back to your parents, now."

"Um, are you okay?" Nodoka rushed to his side. "That hit looked strong enough to—"

"I'm fine!" he said, moving his arm away before she could touch it. "Not even a scratch. That thing only took me unaware, because I wasn't expecting it. And it's you two who should go away! Little girls don't belong on a battlefield!"

"Little girls?" Yue scowled. "We're teenagers!"

The boy shot them a cynical glare. "Oh, _please_!"

"Y-Yes, we're fourteen!" Nodoka nodded.

"Adding your ages together doesn't count!" the boy snickered, walking past them dismissively.

"Very funny," Yue droned. "And how old are you?"

"Ten," he said. "What's it to you?"

Yue slapped herself on the forehead (of doom). "Ten, my god! To paraphrase Emerson, there was never a child so lovely that his mother wasn't glad to get him to sleep."

Nodoka coughed something that sounded like "Negi-sensei".

"What?" the boy blinked, tilting his head. "You're really weird, Chibi nee-chan. Well, like I care! Just go away and leave this thing to a man!" And with that, he leapt back into the direction he had just come from, sporting a feral smirk.

"That little moron's going to get himself killed, and before we can call the police, too," Yue murmured. "I guess we have no choice but trying to save him…"

"He seems rather unlikable," Kero huffed, peeking over one of Nodoka's shoulders.

"I don't know, he looks to be very brave and determined, at least," Nodoka offered. "I'm sure he isn't a bad person…"

_All over the multiverse, Takamachi Nanohas sneezed._

Yue looked blandly at her.

"Wh-What?" Nodoka stammered.

"Nothing," Yue said.

Kero looked back and forth between both. "Is there some sort of private joke I'm missing here?"

"Not at all," Yue said.

"I only said he's brave and driven," Nodoka said.

"I know," Yue said.

"Um, well, yeah, now, if we could stop the card…" Kero said.

"S-Sure!" Nodoka began marching after the boy's trail. "We must save him, j-just like we'd save everyone in his position, young boy or not!"

Kuro flew to Yue's ear and whispered. "What? Is she into little boys?"

"Of course not!" Yue denied. Beat. "At least, she didn't _use_ to."

"… Maybe _you_ should have opened the book after all."

Yue slapped him down with a token hand wave. "Shotacon or not, you're talking about my best friend…"

...

**Bicycle Seat**

_Ohtori:_

"Ah. Good morning, Mai-sama."

Mai froze immediately, stopping her tip-toe into the dorm upon finding a smiling Anthy on her way to her with a coffee pot in one hand and a steaming cup in the other.

"A-ANTHY!" she gasped. "I'M SORRY I WAS OUT SO LATE! I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU UP! BUT I WASN'T MAKING OUT WITH ANYONE OR ANYTHING!"

"Oh. Sure, you weren't."

There was no apparent irony in such words (there never was with Anthy... although it was hard to tell at times), and yet the weight of it all nearly crushed Mai.

Anthy sniffed the air and smiled pleasantly. "Kozue-san always had very good taste in cologne."

Mai's head hung down. "This darn Academy just does weird things to your mind. I'd really have liked to study at Mahora instead..."

...

**Wind(y)s of (Destiny,) Change**

The two girls walked into a clearing near the statue of a Hajime Saitoh. There, the boy seemed to be angrily fighting a ghostly enemy that barely manifested itself as a thin pale humanoid figure with no details to its shape. That enemy caused large bursts of wind all around itself by moving its hands around, and those acted as explosions of compressed air that threw the boy back whenever he tried to approach.

"What… What is that thing?" Nodoka gasped.

Kero looked over her shoulder, "Yep, that's The Windy! Go there and catch it, Nodoka!"

The boy heard their voices immediately and turned his head back to look at them. "You guys again?-! What are you, freakin' deaf? I told you to scram!"

He scowled just as he rolled aside for cover, coming closer to them, as if instinctively protective. "By the way, did that thing just _talk_?"

"W-Wh-What thing?" Nodoka babbled.

"That thing on your shoulder!"

"Wh-Which one?"

"The right one!"

"N-No, I mean, which thing on that shoulder?"

He grunted while blocking an incoming flying branch with an arm right before it could hit Yue's head. Yue blinked, amazed at how he had stopped it before she could even notice it, and mouthed out a 'Thanks' that went unheard. "The only thing you have on there, duh! The stupid looking plush animal with the tiny black eyes!"

A plush vein popped on Kero's head, but he said nothing and didn't move a muscle. Assuming he had any muscles, anyway.

"My friend is a ventriloquist," Yue explained dryly. "That doll is a gift from her dear late grandmother, so please don't insult it."

"Yes, don't insult me, the Great Kerberos!" Kero spoke in his best stiff Nodoka impression. "Know your place, thug child!"

"KERO-SAN!" Nodoka let out a strangled scream, and then, "YUE! B-Both my grandmas are alive, and you know it!"

"Eh, whatever," the boy huffed and poked Kero's forehead with a finger. Nodoka noticed the fingernail touching the plushie was rather too long and sharp to belong to a ten year old. "And what is it supposed to be? A rat, right?"

"LOOK INTO A MIRROR IF YOU WANNA SEE A RAT, YOU—!" Kero yelled.

"It seems it has calmed down," Yue observed, ignoring the pointless discussion next to her. Being a 3-A student, she had a lot of practice on it. "Hey, you, why did you start fighting it anyway?"

"Eh?" the boy grumbled, keeping his eyes fixed on the floating humanoid figure again. "Well, I was… passing through, and I heard that thing wrecking crap all around. So I went and tried to stop it, naturally. You wouldn't understand…"

"Because we're girls?" Yue scowled.

"Your words, not mine," the boy scowled back. "But far be it for me to contradict a lady," he smirked mockingly. Yue felt like slamming a book down on his head.

"Do… Do you like to get into fights?" Nodoka asked, as if finding the mere concept of such a thing completely alien.

The boy slammed his fists together. "Like I said, you wouldn't understand. It looks it finally grew tired, so I'll finish it now. You just stay back and out of my way!"

"It isn't tired at all! It's just calming down!" Kero said. "The Windy is a peaceful card, but it isn't going to stop being so agitated if you continue provoking it!"

The child gave Nodoka another annoyed look. "You have issues, you know? If you want to tell me something, tell me to my face, not through a puppet. What kind of person uses a puppet to say the things they don't dare to say themselves, anyway?"

_Elsewhere in Kyoto, Arnold Wesker didn't sneeze, but had Scarface do it for him. Back in Mahora, Evangeline did too, and wondered why she was thinking of that time she had Chachazero tell Nagi she liked him…_

"S-Sorry!" Nodoka apologized.

The boy grunted and looked again at the floating shape, which indeed seemed to have become quieter, as even the winds around it eased down slowly. "Why did you call it a 'card'?"

"It's a very long story," Nodoka sighed and marched out in the open, swallowing. "Suffice to say, I have to capture it myself."

"What? NO!" he grabbed her by an arm and pulled her back. "No way I'm letting you go there! That freak could snap your neck like a twig!"

Nodoka blushed, realizing the seriousness in the boy's voice. He was scowling fiercely at her, but she could tell he only was angry because he cared about their safety. In a way, he reminded her of Negi-sensei's protective ways…

"But—! But, I have to—!" she protested.

Yue sighed and placed a hand on one of the boy's shoulders. He squirmed out of her touch uncomfortably. "Listen, it won't stop until my friend catches it," Yue said patiently. "I know it's difficult to believe, but it's true. Just let us try. If we fail, we'll simply go away and let you handle the rest." A beat. "Since calling the police over this would be… awkward…"

The boy's scowled grew much deeper, his nose twitching like a distrustful dog's, craning his neck ahead until his nose almost touched Yue's. It almost seemed like he was trying to read her and her intentions. The idea made Yue horribly uncomfortable, but her outside demeanor did not change at all.

Finally, he relented. "Okay. You try it, Bangs Nee-san. But I'll be right behind you! At the first sign of danger, you'll make on your pal here's word and just run the hell away, right?"

Nodoka made a small cute smile, with pink cheeks. "Oh-Okay! Thanks for caring so much about complete strangers like us!"

"Sheesh, don't say such cheesy things, Nee-san! They sicken me!" he made a disgusted sound as he said such a sickening, cheesy thing. Yue looked at him with quiet disapproval. So did Kero.

"So, what's with the passive-aggressive 'sensitive macho' emotional moodswings?" Kero asked. "Usually, that's a sign of unsolved mother issues…"

_Elsewhere in the mountains, while taking an open air bath, Inugami Kagome sneezed. Modest Gainaxing and A-quality fanservice ensued…_

"Nee-san, just stop doing the puppet talking already!" the boy barked.

"Sorry…!" Nodoka deflated again.

...

**Nodoka's First Time (To Seal A Card)!**

Nodoka reminded herself to be brave. She only had to confront a living, potentially lethal card and not Negi-sensei, so it should be easy.

She could feel Yue and the boy walking right behind her, so close she almost felt their breaths on her back, and she felt even more awkward then. While she appreciated their support, it was very uncomfortable to feel them that close, especially since it made her unable to turn around and run away without stumbling into them.

Not like she wanted to turn around and run away…

She told herself that, at least.

 _I won't run away, I won't run away, I won't run away…_ she thought.

Wanna guess what Ikari Shinji did elsewhere?

"Windy," she said softly, keeping her voice as steady and clear as she could.

The figure hovering in the middle of the clearing seemed to look up, stopping its playful lifting of scattered leaves. A pair of pale, soulful blue eyes opened on its face. They fixed themselves into Nodoka's, making the girl gasp. The boy behind her tensed up.

"It's… It's all right," Nodoka promised, extending a shaking hand to the figure, whose gaze became intrigued. A soft puff of breeze blew into Nodoka's face, moving her bangs aside so _it_ could get a better look at her features. Nodoka flinched, but forced herself to remain still.

"Won't you return to the book, please?" the shy girl asked. "You'll be better there. I promise I'll look after you, and treat you well…"

"Oh, for the love of—!" the boy grunted. Yue hushed him very quickly.

The card's personification jumped a bit at hearing the boy's voice again, but Nodoka gestured in a soothing way. "There, there. He's a friend, too! He only fought you because he thought you were a bad girl, but we know you're good, right? That's it, calm down and the misunderstandings will cease…"

"You called her a girl?" Yue frowned.

"That thing is female?" the boy scrunched his face.

Nodoka smiled at them. "Yes, Windy-san is a girl. Look, she has the curves of a woman." She gestured to the subtle lines of the card's contour, its long, flowing hair and its large bags of… air. "I can feel it in my heart; now I'm sure she isn't a bad person. Please, Windy," she turned back to the thin figure, "Help me find your sisters. Lend me your strength, and I'll lend you mine in turn…"

"How can you say they're all female?" Yue asked.

"Well, actually…" Kero scratched his head sheepishly.

Yue raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Master Clow _was_ a man, after all," the plushie replied.

Making a vague, unearthly sound that made the boy tense again, the spiritual figure lowered its head humbly and retreated back into an actual Card's form, glowing for a moment before floating down into Nodoka's right hand.

"Huh, that was easier than I thought," Yue observed.

"Yeah, how comes it shook me around, but it just surrendered to her without a fight?" the kid complained.

"It's exactly because it didn't really want to fight, it wanted to be treated with understanding and patience," Kero lectured. "At first, it was lost and confused, and that's the only reason why it cut loose. Now, after a defeat, the Clow Card usually goes to whoever had the biggest role in its capture, but in this case, since it was subdued by reasoning rather than violence, it chose Nodoka as its master."

"You mean fighting that thing was a waste of my time anyway?" the child growled, crossing his hands behind his neck. "Bummer. The darn thing fought dirty anyway. Every time I tried to claw at it, it became untouchable and my hand passed through it. Like literally fighting the wind…"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kero waved a pack. "Now, Nodoka, to make the card yours, you must write your name under its own, and then put it back in the book. After that, you'll be able to use it as many times as you want!" A beat. "That sounded less dirty in my head…"

Nodoka obeyed quickly, using a pen Yue had pulled out of her backpack. The boy watched the proceedings with quiet bafflement. "Ugh, you're really weird people, and I've met my fair share of weirdos."

"I believe you," Yue deadpanned.

"Thanks for the assistance anyway!" Nodoka smiled very sweetly at him, her confidence boosted up by her success. "M-May we know your name, please…?"

"Huh? Why?" he blinked a few times before blurting out clumsily, "Um, my name is… Inukami! Inukami Kojiro!" He regained his cocky grin. "Yeah, and never forget it! That name will be huge someday!"

Inugami Kotaro mentally congratulated himself on picking such a smart false name to hide his true identity on a job. And so quickly, too!

...

**The Way that Can't be Walked Back**

_Okinawa:_

"Kaga-san."

"Urashima-san."

Kaga Ai and Urashima Kanako stared at each other, standing at opposite sides of the beach.

"I hope you understand you've brought dishonor to the Kaga clan by abandoning it for the sake of a life of inactivity," Kanako spoke. "The clan has sent me to punish your betrayal."

"I thought you were a practitioner of the Urashima Style of Jujutsu, not a nin—" Naru began.

"Silence!" her sister-in-law-occasional-co-lover-eternal-rival told her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Ai lamented. "But I won't go back to that life! Even if I have to pay with my worthless life, I'll stay at the side of my Sensei and my friends!" She reached for some kunai somehow hidden in her red bikini.

Kanako twirled her bondage bins around. "Then let those be the words marking your doom!"

Sakura Mei looked at Itoshiki. "Since when has Kaga-sempai been a ninja?"

Itoshiki shrugged while trying to place a hangman's noose on a palm tree. " I'm as out of the loop as you are."

"Ah! Sorry, sorry! I was sure I'd only inconvenience you all if I told you about my sordid past!" Ai whined while trading frantic attacks with Kanako.

Touko-sensei sipped from her cold glass of juice. "At the very least, it'll be a show to spend our time on until dinner time."

Su turned to the camera and grinned. "That revelation about Kaga-chan wasn't made manga canon until way after Over Master-kun wrote Kaga-chan's Pactio scene!" she informed the audience.

"Who are you talking to this time?" a confused Chiri asked her. "If you're going to act insane, at least do it politely and properly and look at us when you spout your madness!"

"Spoken like a master of the technique..." Harumi muttered.

"What was that?" Chiri asked.

"Nothing."

"Ah!" Nami screamed. "Otohime-san has died again!"

"What, again?" Itoshiki said from his hanging position. "Otohime-san, stop hogging the access to the Pearly Gates! Allow access for those of us with an actual interest, please!"

...

**Kotaro, Nodoka and Yue (oh, and Kero too)**

"Well, thank you very much then, Inukami-san," Nodoka bowed. "I'm Miyazaki Nodoka, and this is my best friend, Ayase Yue. If you stop by Mahora Academy, please try visiting us at Library Island. We work there."

"I'm not very good with academies or libraries," Kotaro shared.

"Oh, really?" Yue asked.

"Yeah, well, not all of us can be brainiacs, Shorty," the boy shot back.

"You're just as short as me," she reminded him.

"Yeah, I'm just as tall as the woman with four years on me. Ask again in another four years and then we'll talk!" Kotaro laughed, rubbing his nose with a finger.

"Please, make it forty years…" Yue rolled her eyes.

"Actually, Yue isn't what you'd call a 'brainiac' either…" Nodoka intervened.

"Nodoka, are you actually trying to defend me with that statement?" Yue wondered.

Her friend only smiled. "As a matter of fact, they call her Bak—"

Yue blushed and put a hand over her friend's mouth. "I really, really don't need help here!"

Nodoka only giggled behind the hand pressing over her mouth. Oh, God, she was TROLLING her! Yue thought. She was DANGEROUS when she gained any trust on herself!

_In Mundus Magicus, Princess Celestia sneezed._

The boy snorted lazily. "I'll never understand girls."

"Of course not. You're a boy," Yue told him.

"And thankful for it every freaking minute!" He turned around and waved a hand up. "By the way, try to hide the talking plushie better. Not even my blind grandma would buy the ventriloquist excuse for more than a few minutes, the way you act it out."

"HEY!" Kero shouted.

"I'm a child, not an idiot!" the boy said before leaping back into the night. An amazed Nodoka gasped.

"Wow! He almost moves as if he isn't—"

"He probably isn't," Yue actually shuddered. "This night has been simply too strange! I'm just glad Chisame isn't here or she'd have a heart attack."

"Who's Chisame?" asked Kerberos.

"Picture someone who is the complete opposite of that boy and you'll have a good mental image of her," Yue said.

"Oh. You mean she's likable?"

"Well, his complete opposite in everything but _that_ …"

"Oh, Yue," Nodoka shook her head. "Let's go back to the store, okay? We need to talk with Yuuko-san about what we'll do next…"

"Hopefully, it'll be waking up from this dream," Yue muttered. "Then I'll promise never drinking Polish rutabaga juice again before going to bed…"

...

**Interlude: (The local) Ilya.**

_London:_

"What do you have for me, Sayoko?"

"These are the fruits of my research, my Lady," the black haired maid handed her little mistress a folder with several sealed documents. Ilyasviel ripped the seals off with tiny hands that clawed like the sharp paws of a crazed kitten. This was, of course, redundant. All kittens are crazy. "Your half brother, Negi Springfield, seems to have graduated from Merdiana Academy last year, at a surprisingly young age."

"He'd have to be a genius, if he's blood of my blood," the girl said, eyeing the newly revealed photos and sighing. "Just like I imagined, he's very handsome, as well!"

_In Kyoto, Kuro stiffened. "Incest senses… tingling!" Then she sneezed._

"He has lived for years with one Nekane Springfield, his older cousin, and obviously yours as well," the servant reported dutifully, pointing to a picture that had the boy smiling next to a gorgeous young woman. Ilya only made a tiny scowl. "Five years ago, they barely survived the destruction of their hometown, brought about by a horde of demons. The incident was officially blamed on a massive terrorist attack."

Ilya looked up at her. "Do you think someone's out to murder him specifically?"

"It would seem a reasonable conclusion, considering his parentage. You have suffered several attempts on yourself in the past, My Lady."

"Yes, yes," she nodded slowly. "Well, no matter what, he'll be safe from now on! Won't he, Berserker?"

The behemoth sitting behind her made a low growl of apparent agreement. It was the same sound he always made as a response to her questions.

"Several months ago, your half brother left for an assignment at Mahora Academy, Japan. It seems he's currently working as an English teacher there," continued Sayoko.

"Mahora!" Ilyasviel hissed.

Sayoko nodded. "Indeed, that's the site our current estimations hold the most likely for the next manifestation of the Holy Grail, after the destruction of the Fuyuki area. An incredible coincidence, isn't it?"

"There are no coincidences, Sayoko," the child stood up. "Hasten the preparations for our trip to Mahora. On the double!"

"As you wish, My Lady," the maid bowed closing her eyes.

Ilya huffed and turned the nearby television set on. "In the meanwhile, I'll continue getting myself familiar with the customs of that country!"

The music theme of _Magical Princess Phantasmoon_ began to fill the room.

Sayoko dared to object. "Young Lady, are you **absolutely sure** watching Magical Girl shows is the best way to prevent culture shock? I am a native, after all, and we never had—"

"You just do as I command, Sayoko!" Ilya took her comfy place on Berserker's lap. "Those bland cultural videos you suggested only bored me to tears!"

...

**Closing the Book on the Subject?**

Yue and Nodoka found Yuuko waiting at the store when they made it back, smoking on a priceless Italian chair, with the Motoe twins wearing identical kimonos standing behind her in ridiculously elaborate poses.

Again, the Narutakis had nothing on them.

"Please excuse the sisters," Yuuko said very coolly. "They used to work in show business. Did you ever happen to watch _Saya's Happy Vampire Hunting Hour_?"

Nodoka and Yue shook their heads.

"Perhaps that's for the best," Yuuko observed. "I've been informed you opened The Clow."

Nodoka blinked. "Huh? Wh-Who did tell you...?"

"The wrecked hallway and the broken window were telling clues..." Yuuko said, dumping some cigarette ashes on a nearby ashtray.

"W-W-We'll pay for all the damage!" Nodoka babbled, with a bright crimson face.

"There is no need for it," the tall woman said. "It has all been repaired now, and your purchase has been accepted. The Clow is yours, until it's time for it to find a new master."

"H-How much do I have to pay?" Nodoka asked.

"I need no payment from you. The Clow's possession is its own price," the woman answered. "Kerberos?"

A tiny yellow head peeked reluctantly out of Yue's backpack. "Yes...?"

"Do help Miyazaki-san to achieve her Fate. You as well, Ayase-san. That is the price you shall be charged."

"Can I keep the backpack?" Yue asked her.

"Of course you can. It'll be two fifty, please."

"But you said—" Yue began.

"Yours is only a normal acquisition. There is no artifact of arcane nature meant for you in this store. Your Fate's ultimate twist lies elsewhere..."

"Good!" Yue said.

"... with your harem," the woman finished.

"I WON'T HAVE A HAREM!"

_Somewhere, Valkyrie Black sneezed._

"You'll pay in cash or—"

"Cash!" Yue huffed, counting the money and putting it on Yuuko's now-extended right hand. "Where were you right after the cards were released, by the way? We looked for you, but you were nowhere in sight..."

"Such things aren't meant for you to know," Yuuko said simply.

"We were taking a shower!" the twins chirped happily.

Yuuko shot them a mildly annoyed glare.

"... All... three...?" Nodoka squeaked.

"That, too, was Fate," Yuuko philosophized.

"Sure," Yue droned.

"You'll understand when you start taking extended, luxurious baths with your own har—"

"I WON'T HAVE A HAREM!"

_Sneeze again. Psycho Purple handed her a tissue._

**_Elsewhere in Kyoto:_ **

"Ah." Chigusa looked away from the captive blonde as Kotaro walked into the darkened room, pouting with his hands in his pockets. "You weren't found by our targets, I assume."

"Nope," he said.

"What did you manage to learn?" she asked.

"Surveillance around the Inn is airtight. I suggest not attacking there again."

The woman with glasses nodded. "So be it. We'll go with the backup plan then. Our hired help is about to arrive. Didn't you find anything else? Any object, factor or people who could help or hindrance us in our endeavor?"

"Nope. Just ran into... two little clueless girls on my way here. That's all."

Chigusa smiled maliciously.

"What?" Kotaro growled.

"So, you _are_ starting to get to that age, after all..." she chuckled cagily, turning around slowly to face the mute prisoner again. Kotaro grunted in annoyance, trying to keep his eyes off the subtle shift in Chigusa's lower backside as she changed her position.

Definitely, not telling her about those two stupid girls had been the right decision after all.

**_Later:_ **

With her two visitors gone, Yuuko kept on smoking and reading her _Cat's Eye_ manga, waiting for the next customer with the patience of either a saint or a crafty devil.

Finally, the Motoe twins announced loudly, "Yuuko-sama! This young lady wants to buy a book!"

Yuuko smiled placidly, setting her book down and looking at the newcomer. Short brown hair. Overally, very similar to a much younger Honami-chan, but on a wheelchair and without the glasses.

"G-Good evening!" the little girl greeted with a noticeable local accent. "Sorry for visiting so late, but I lost my way back home and I decided to ask for directions. Then your assistants brought me here..."

"It's okay," Yuuko nodded twice, with a lot of dignity. "You have been brought here by Fate, Miss..."

"Oh, my name's Yagami Hayate! Pleased to meet you!"

"Likewise. You look like the kind of young woman who would appreciate a good book, Yagami-san. Maybe you would like to look through our selection before returning home..."

...

**Lips at War Prelude: Misa and Misora.**

"Okay," Misa kept an even glare on Misora. "Let's make a few things clear before we start. First, I don't like you, and I know you don't like me either."

"You got that much right," Misora nodded.

"I always do. I know you kissed Negi-kun first, as you never stop parroting it, but in _my_ book, that doesn't mean anything."

"Sore loser."

"Shut up. Still, what we were told in the resort is true. No matter if we like each other or not, we're still in this for Negi-kun, not for what we can get out of him. For him, I'm willing to work with you, and I hope you feel the same way."

Reluctantly, Misora nodded.

"Great," the cheerleader continued. "Then, tonight we forget we're rivals. Our only rivals are out there, stalking those halls with hungry lips. No matter what happens, we'll stand together against them, and succeed!" She held up a fist, smirking.

"That's cool, but once we win, how will we decide who kisses Negi-kun? We throw the truce aside and fight, or what?"

"We'll do the single fair and honorable thing," Misa declared. "We'll ask his opinion, and who he wants to kiss. The loser will gracefully accept defeat and stand aside."

"But what if he doesn't want to kiss either of us?" Misora whined. "You know how is he, with his perfect gentleman thing!"

Misa rubbed her chin. After a very long moment of contemplating options, she said, "Then we stage a drama over how much we struggled for him, all for nothing. Whoever gets to exploit his guilt complex the best, wins the kiss. Deal?"

"That's simply devious, manipulative, underhanded and sly," Misora replied. "I approve."

Misa smiled and held a hand over. "Then it's a ladies' agreement! Give me five!"

They shook hands, grinning at each other. "HUZZAH!"

"If we run into Ku Fei and Haruna, you take on Ku-chan, I take on Saotome," Misora said after that.

Misa snorted. "That only would delay your own demise a few moments, and you know it…!"

...

**Pen Pals**

As they walked through the night, Chisame noticed there was something wrong about the girl following her. That is, something even more wrong than usual.

As she turned around, she verified there was something definitely unusual about Matoi right then. She wasn't looking at Chisame, but instead reading from a letter.

"Who sent you that?" Chisame asked.

Matoi snapped out of her reading distraction, blushed violently, and hid the letter behind her back. "I-I-I swear it's not a love letter, Chisame-sama! You know you'll always be the only one for me!"

"Like hell I care about you having someone else! All the better for me!" Hasegawa shouted.

Matoi cried cartoony rivers. "You're so mean, Chisame-sama… Now I won't tell you who sent this letter!"

Chisame shrugged and turned back around. "Fine. I just asked out of curiosity."

"AH! Have the decency to care!" She all but thrust the letter in Chisame's face. "It's a letter from a pen pal!"

Chisame examined the atrocious handwriting. "He writes like a child."

"He's a child. Twelve," Matoi offered.

Chisame's eyebrows spasmed. "Why are you friends with a little boy?"

"We share similar interests. We trade tips and such regularly."

"Why not to send each other e-mails?"

Matoi sniffed. "That's so cold, Chisame-sama! Some of us are old style romantics at heart…"

"Whatever," Chisame snorted. "And what kind of common interests could you share with a little boy?"

_Tokyo Tower_

Kiryuu Nanami cringed in disgust. "I still can't believe you snuck out of _your_ own class trip only to follow me all the way here, Tsuwabuki."

 _Jiiiiiiii…_ the blue eyed blond boy's loving glare sounded on her.

"If Tsunetsuki-oneesama did it, I could do it too…" he reasoned. "Though I'm surprised Tokyo Tower is open this late…"

...

**Hunters**

With all the stealth and secretiveness of a trained ninja, Bruce Wayne finished placing the last hidden camera into one of the Inn's inner walls.

Someone had taken all the mind control bands off the Mad Hatter-controlled's staff the night before by the time he made it back to the Inn, thus cutting that investigation venue for the time being. The staff had no memories of anything strange the morning after, other than wondering why had they awakened at several random places of the building, but no one wanted to talk about it, to prevent scandals and questions from the managers and customers.

Still, by now a few things were crystal clear: Hatter and the people working with him wanted, at all costs, the two girls who seemed to belong to the local Konoe clan. A quick research via Batgirl's computer connections had revealed the clan's sources of incomes were somewhat nebulous, which only added further suspicions to his mind. The girls clearly had metahuman powers, and so did several of their classmates and even their child teacher. But they were only children. They couldn't be trusted with their own safety.

The kidnappers were bound to strike again. And he would be waiting for them.

There was a sound of steps coming from down the hall. Wayne hid himself inside of a nearby cabinet and watched how an annoyed young woman with long blond hair stalked down the corridor, with a Discipline Committee armband on her right arm. She was too old to be a classmate of Konoe Konoka. As she came closer, he recognized her. One Suzushiro Haruka, daughter of a minor rich family of the Tokyo area. Wayne had a few dealings with them a few years ago.

Haruka's blue eyes shifted around nervously, almost as if feeling something was wrong. She seemed tense and angry, but the way she stepped around gave no impressions of any actual superhuman skill. No doubt she was on patrol.

After Haruka was gone, Wayne began to slink out silently, only to retreat back in when he heard a few other steps, smaller and faster, tapping on the wooden floors. From his hiding place, he saw two identical small girls with pink hair, dressed in light kimonos and sandals, walking down the exact opposite direction Suzushiro had taken.

"I'm afraid, Oneechan…" one of them was whispering, clutching to the other one.

Her twin only giggled rapidly. "There's nothing to fear, Fumika-chan! Even if we run into the others, we have Kaede-nee's training, don't we? And she's skipping the game for our sake, so we're unbeatable!" she gloated.

"Says you!" the fearful sister clenched her teeth, hugging a pillow against her flat chest. Her twin swung hers around carelessly. "Ku-chan is playing, and she's got Haruna on her side! You saw all the weird moves she pulled in the dodgeball game!"

The Batman almost hummed to himself. 'Weird moves'…?

But they were gone as soon as they had come. Following them was, most likely, only a waste of time. He'd simply go back to his room and monitor his cameras from there. The sooner he wrapped up this metahuman case, the sooner he could go back to tracking Joker, assuming both cases weren't one and the same.

Then, however, the same blond busty girl returned, eyeing the surroundings carefully. Finally, something caught her attention. She looked down at the small and slight footprints all across the corridor's floor, kneeling down to check they were indeed fresh, like an experienced huntress stalking her prey. Getting back up, she made a feral and confident grin.

"Gotcha," she whispered, heading down the direction the girls had taken.

It took a predator of delinquents to know another, and Bruce Wayne felt he had just watched a kindred soul of sorts in action.

...

**Magic Knights**

Quiet pale eyes watched passively as the boy waited with his hands in his pockets. The inside of the dark palace was icy in a way that made the girl standing behind her shudder slightly at random, but the white haired boy showed absolutely no signs of discomfort at all.

Instead, he watched as the tall figure clad in black with his back to him stood under the huge floating bubble. The pale blond girl inside of the bubble shivered, with her small hands put together in prayer.

 _"Help…"_ her voice sounded weakly through the gigantic chamber, barely managing to echo in its corners.

She looked around twelve or thirteen years old, with wavy hair so long it reached past her bare feet. She wore a light and silky emerald dress, with a golden tiara around her head.

 _"Help…"_ she repeated. _"Help save our world…"_

"We should silence her now," the boy said, with a voice that was gentle but extremely dry, like sand in the breeze.

The tall man in the black armor and cape shook his head. "Let her pray. Even if she manages to summon them, she only will lead them to their demises. And in the unlikely event they succeed… Our world will still be saved, one way or another."

"Ours is the only path to salvation," the boy said, his tone still the same. "You're allowing an inconvenience to our plans that should be avoided from the start. You're simply allowing your personal feelings interfere with your judgment."

The armored man said nothing.

"So be it, then," the boy turned around. "This is, after all, your domain. But rest assured, if this endangers our project, we won't hesitate to take the necessary measures, our alliance notwithstanding, Lord Zagato."

"I know," the man nodded gravely, always looking up at the bubble and its content.

The shapely young woman with long brown hair and horns followed the boy on his way out, never saying a single word or even opening her firmly shut eyes. Her long dress fluttered behind her under the dark doors closed themselves after them.

"Twelfth Princess, what is your heart reaching to?" the man wondered. "Can the power of your spirit actually reach to the Old World? And even so, what kind of hopes could ever come from it? Stop dreaming that dream, and join our eternal dream instead," he said. "Who are those you deem worthy enough to place your faith on instead of _me_?"

_Tokyo Tower:_

Kikukawa Yukino blinked as her laptop beeped. "Huh?" she checked on it, seeing there were problems with her Internet connection. "What's this? It suddenly went glitchy, as if something was interfering with—"

"Oh, c'mon, Yukino-chan!" her acquaintance Senou Aoi grabbed her by an arm and pulled her around. "Leave that thing alone for a while! Enjoy the sights! The world won't end if you stop messaging the Vice President for an hour or so!"

"But—! But—!" Yukino clumsily pulled back, only to stumble back into a blond girl who pushed her away.

"Oof! Mind your steps, simpleton!" the girl growled at her. She looked up and down at her, examining her uniform. "Ugh, a Mahora student. Of course you'd be a walking mess!"

"S-Sorry!" Yukino fixed her glasses back on, blushing while holding her laptop against her chest as best as she could. The arrogant girl facing her was short and very thin, with a wide forehead and large, beautiful blue eyes. She was very pretty, but there was something bitter about her that detracted from her appeal. Three girls around her age wearing the same Ohtori Academy outfit as her stood behind her, scowling at Yukino in disapproval. "I'll be more careful from now on!"

The blond girl huffed and started to turn around. "Just be more careful away from me. Really, the kind of rude people you meet on tri—"

Then another, even shorter girl with bright red hair made in a pigtail ran by, stumbling on her and sending her down to the floor with herself.

"Nanami-sama!" the three girls of the posse cried.

...

**Feeling Lucky Tonight, Punk?**

"Are you sure it's okay if all of us stay here?" Satsuki asked while bringing rice crackers for all the classmates gathered at her bedroom, around a small portable TV. "Nitta-sensei said—"

Kaede made a calming gesture with on hand. "Easy there, Yotsuba-dono. Nitta-sensei will be more worried about who is out, not who is in. This one thinks we're all safe as long as we're indoors."

"You're a ninja, he'd never find you either in or out," Madoka said, taking a first bite of her cracker.

"I have no idea what are you talking about, Kugimiya-dono," the tall girl lied badly.

"Anyway, yeah, Nitta-sensei isn't daring enough to look inside of our rooms while we're supposed to be there," Sakurako added. "He knows he'd be called a pervert if he was caught doing that." She sighed. "Ah! I'd like to watch this with Satomi-chan!" Why did she have to volunteer to go out patrolling now?

Chao waved a finger at her. "No, no, no! I know Satomi-chan! She's so absent-minded, the first thing she'd do is accidentally telling Chisame, and she'd put an immediate kibosh to the game!"

Sitting in a corner sipping a cup of green tea and crossing her legs in a casually suggestive way, Evangeline snorted delicately, Chachamaru in seiza posture next to her. It was a ridiculous way to spend a night, but better than just sleeping all alone. At the very least, some entertainment value might be had out of watching the airheads getting captured, not to mention Miyazaki fumbling her way to a kiss that would leave Boya a mental mess. Yes, infinitely better than staying in her room trying not to burst into song or let her mind sink into thoughts of…

She slammed the brakes on that thought. _She_ was the master of her libido, darn it, not the other way around! Even though it had felt _so_ good after so long…

Sakurako yawned. "Wanna take bets on the outcome?"

Silence.

Sakurako blinked. "Hey! Didn't you guys listen to me?"

"We did. But there's no point in betting against you," Madoka said.

"A complete and absolute waste," Mana agreed solemnly, stashing on crackers. Madoka was fairly sure that was the only reason the mercenary was there in the first place.

"Yeah, it's like tossing money into a pit," Chao laughed.

Sakurako pouted. "You have money to throw around!"

"And I have it because I didn't throw it around before," the Chinese girl said, "So I won't start now. I believe in making a safe future for yourself!" She tried to ignore how Evangeline burst into low, ominous laughter at those words. Just a coinsicdence, just a coincidence… though she HAD to wonder how the heck the vampire drank tea with that dust mask over her mouth.

Kaede hummed. "In any case, Shiina-dono, who would say is the most likely victor in this contest?"

Sakurako put a pinky finger on her mouth, made a low thoughtful sound, and said, "I dunno... All the teams have definite strengths and weaknesses, and any of them could locate Negi-kun first... Too much depends on random factors, and quantifying the variables is highly difficult under the present circumstances..."

"I see those self-lessons to speak on the same level as Satomi-chan are paying off at last," Chao commented.

Sakurako frowned and closed her eyes as soon as the screen, as it did at periodic intervals, split in four to show several parts of the inn. "Let's see, let's see..." she ran her finger over the screen, up and down, at left and right, then in circles. "I have a feeling... the winner will be..."

Then she poked a finger on a precise point of the screen. "HER!"

The girls made several degrees of disbelieving, uneasy sounds.

"Don't tell me I pointed at Nitta," Sakurako gulped.

"Not exactly..." Chao said, prompting Sakurako to open her eyes.

She saw her own finger pointing at a tall, blond, blue eyed figure stalking the halls like a hungry hawk.

It wasn't Iincho.

"... Her?" Shiina couldn't believe it herself.

"Ah, ha ha ha ha!" Chao laughed. "No way!"

"Yeah, n-not even your luck can predict such a wild outcome with any truth to it!" Madoka shuffled around uncomfortably. "The Vice President? Like she'd ever do it...!"

Another long, blunt silence followed.

"Do you have more of these?" Mana extended her empty plate back to Satsuki.

...

**Genesis of the Paper Nightmare!**

"Ahhh, it's very late..." Negi took a concerned glare at the clock on his room's opposite wall. "I'm worried about Miyazaki-san and Ayase-san..."

"They just called saying they were okay and on their way here, didn't they?" Chamo asked, puffing on a cigarette from a corner, mentally counting the money he'd make out of that night's stunt. "The biggest risk they run is walking into Nitta-sensei while arriving here."

"Of course not!" the boy said. "What if they are caught by those renegades as leverage in trade for Konoka-san? What if they are robbed by random criminals? What if they are ran over by a car, or fall into a pothole, or are bitten by a dog, or—"

"Whoa, whoa, slow the concern train down, Bro!" the ermine said. "Asuna-nee and Setsuna-nee said they'd be on the lookout for them while patrolling the surroundings, right? Trust them, willya?"

Negi began pacing up and down the room, hands behind his back. "I just can't stand here while two of my students are out so late! I know I agreed to mount guard here while Erebus-san watched the outside, but most of Ala Alba is watching over the Inn, while Miyazaki-san and Ayase-san are all alone out there! They're my students too, you know! I've decided it! I'll go out and—!"

"Yeah, well, you can go out now," Asuna swung his room's door open, casually bonking a fist on his head while doing so. "As a matter of fact, you should, since we're done with our rounds. And looks like Nitta issued some sort of declaration against students out of their rooms tonight, so we had to be extra careful on our way here. Luckily, Setsuna here is a master of stealth."

Setsuna bowed slightly to her. "You honor me." Then she addressed Negi. "You don't need to wonder about Ayase and Miyazaki anymore, Sensei. We saw them walking in shortly before heading here. They looked a bit tired, but I suppose they only grew tired after wandering across the city."

"Oh, what a relief!" Negi sighed. "Fine then, I'll take the next patrol round. I'm no student, so it's okay if Nitta-sensei sees me out. I'll tell him I offer myself to help him with monitor duty."

"Maybe that isn't such a wise decision," Setsuna observed. "After all, you're a child, and he'll object on your staying up past bedtime. Try to remain out of his sight just in case."

"What if he comes here and notices I'm gone? Then he'll know anyway, and he'll be angry because I didn't tell him..." he asked.

Setsuna hummed and pulled a few paper dolls out of her breast pocket. "In that case, use this. They're magical substitution stencils. They work on the same basic principle of Chigusa's monkeys, creating a copy of yourself that can't be told apart from you by the naked eye. The copy you make should last until dawn if you create it now."

"Ah! Yes, I read a few things on the subject since last night," he nodded, always one to try and be informed on an enemy's capacities and tricks. "I only have to write my name in Japanese on one of those, and it'll instantly create a perfect copy of myself, right?"

"Indeed," Setsuna nodded.

"Hmmm!" Asuna grew interested. "Can you give me some of those?"

Setsuna shot her a glare. "Asuna-san, if you're thinking of sending your copies to take your tests for you, they won't be any more intelligent than you."

Asuna whined. "What...? Not even if I make them study?-!"

Negi sweatdropped. "You realize you're saying that right in front of your homeroom teacher, don't you?"

"The copies have limited intelligence and self awareness," Setsuna lectured seriously. "They can fool any casual observer for a short while, but the human spirit is impossible to replicate perfectly."

Asuna stretched and yawned. "Yeah, sure, sure. Well, I'll go hit the sack then! Tell me if you see something wrong around, Negi!"

"Okay! Good night, both of you!" he told her and the retreating, formally bowing Setsuna. Then he sat down and began scribbling on one of the dolls. "Okay, here we go..."

Chamo looked over his shoulder and frowned. "You know, as good as you are speaking the language itself, your Japanese calligraphy still needs work, Bro. You wrote that character wrong. It says 'Nugi', not 'Negi'."

"Ah, right. Sorry." He tossed the doll into his waste basket and wrote on another one. "And this one? Oh no, it came out as 'Migi'. Let's try again... Ah! Now it says 'Hogi'! What's wrong with me tonight...?" he complained.

Finally, the next stencil came out right, changing into a perfect look-alike of Negi before his and Chamo's eyes. "Yes! I did it!"

"Hello. My name's Negi Springfield," the copy said.

"Good evening, Negi-san," Negi bowed to him. "Thank you for your help tonight. I'll try to come back as soon as my duties for the night are over, and then maybe we'll play chess or checkers before sleeping..."

"Bro, it's only a copy, not a newborn brother," Chamo mumbled. "Erebus-bro might be jealous you're not as nice to him…"

"But you said it yourself, he's just a baby…!"

...

**The Reasons I Don't Understand Yet**

Matoi and Hakase walked down the street behind Chisame, neither saying a word for a long while, sticking to the shadows and staying out of any of the random, scarce passerby's way. Matoi's previous advice on the subject had actually been pretty useful, and it amazed Hakase to see how you could elaborate so much on the seemingly trivial matter of stalking in silence and secrecy. It helped Chisame was used to always trying to stay out of public attention in the real life, as well.

However, something definitely wasn't okay. Satomi noticed, despite Twilight Red's advice, Tsunetsuki only kept her attention on Chisame. Approaching her, she tapped Morse on her arm. _Pay more attention to our surroundings._

Matoi blinked, looked at her, and angrily tapped back on Satomi's shoulder. _Don't tell me how to do this. I'm perfectly used to watching over people._

Satomi tapped again. _We aren't watching over someONE,_ somehow, she could convey the capital letters perfectly, _but over some AREA. Look all around, not only at Chisame._

Matoi replied immediately. _My only interest here is Chisame-sama's safety. I don't care if your air-headed friend is kidnapped or not, and I never promised to help HER._

_How can you say—_

_Oh, please! As if_ you _do this for Konoka-san. You're going along only because Chisame-sama and Negi-sensei told you to._

Hakase was slightly taken aback. Technically, Matoi was right... Konoka and her had never been close at all, and under normal circumstances, Satomi would have stayed out of the way and left her safety in anyone else's hands. It wasn't she disliked the girl, but she felt no active interest in her wellbeing.

However, Chisame and Negi's asking her made all the difference in the world. In that sense, she supposed, Tsunetsuki and her weren't that different, and even so—

 _We must watch the whole area, because that's what Chisame wants_ , she tapped, trying to appeal to an area of thought Matoi could understand and pursue. As expected, the stalker was indeed affected by that line of reasoning, and after a reluctant nod, she started to look in all directions as well, although her main attention remained on her beloved.

Then Matoi's fingers tapped on Satomi's shoulder again. _Why do you think Chisame-sama does it?_

The answer didn't take long to come. _Because Negi-sensei wants so, I guess_.

Matoi nodded thoughtfully. _So, in the end, we're really doing all this for him._

_It would look that way. Why? Does it bother you?_

_No. Actually, not at all. It's just... I don't know. I don't understand why he's like that for EVERYONE._

_I believe it's because of his duty as a teacher. You know how seriously he takes it._

_No. It isn't just because of that. He'd help Konoka-san even if she wasn't his student._

Once again, Satomi had to agree silently. She still considered herself a practical woman, so she had little understanding of the way Negi's altruism worked. Out of all the people she knew, she'd only place herself in direct danger for Negi, Chisame, Sakurako, Chachamaru and Chao. Everyone else was, after all, sort of irrelevant. But not for Negi. What in the world moved him to act like that? Was it only the result of some displaced (and misplaced) emotional needs?

Or was there, indeed, some actual ulterior meaning behind that savior complex? Were human beings moved to do good for reasons beyond guilt complexes, personal affections, and disguised and justified emotional needs to prove our self worth?

Matoi managed to notice her small, sort of cute (No! Bad thought! Bad thought!), thoughtful frown and smiled at her. She tried to make a mocking smirk, but without even really noticing it, it came out as a comforting smile instead. _You over-think everything, Forehead. Don't dwell too much into it, okay? Let's just follow Chisame-sama's lead. Regardless of the reasons._

_Very well._

Again, it was far too easy to agree with her, for some reason.

...

**The Conversation**

"Well, I've had enough for one night. See you tomorrow, Takamichi." The younger teacher finished his soak in the bath, getting out of the water and toweling himself dry.

"Good night, Seruhiko-kun," Takahata said as his colleague left, leaving him alone. The man with the glasses sighed, allowing his tense muscles to relax and enjoying his hot bath for a few more moments, before getting finished himself.

Wearing a dark robe while walking back to his room, and wondering exactly why Suzushiro-kun was stalking the halls tip-toeing and sporting such a grim expression (but never intrigued enough to ask her. Experience had taught most teachers to never ask Suzushiro-kun about her reasons for anything. Such reasons tended to break minds. This lesson was right up there with 'Never get in Suzumiya Haruhi's way' and 'Never ask Sagara Sousuke what the hell he was thinking doing (fill in the blank), and why was high explosives involved'), he eventually saw Minamoto-sensei sitting out on a balcony as soon as he went up the stairs. The woman had a small bottle in one hand and a tiny cup in the other, and looked up at the starry sky with deep, intense melancholy.

Takahata almost expected her to say ,"I'm in despair, the stars have left me in despair".

The way the moonlight lit her face gave her a semi-radiant, lovely, and yet also haunting angelic appearance, and there seemed to be a certain wetness in her eyes as well. Takahata quickly came to the default idea of leaving before she noticed his presence, but then she casually looked in his direction. "Oh! Oh, it's you," she said. Her voice was definitely on the tipsy side.

"Minamoto-sensei, don't you think it's somewhat late to still be up drinking?" asked the man. _Not to mention it's a bad idea to drink liquor in a school trip in the first place_ , he thought, but it went unvoiced. "Remember, tomorrow's an activity day."

"I know," she said, easing back on her chair. "Going to sleep right now. Just... Just one more cup..."

"Please, Minamoto-sensei," Takamichi gently took the bottle away. "I insist. I'm afraid it's been enough for a night. We've got an example to set."

"Maybe you do," she said. "You're respected everywhere, while I'm a walking breast joke. My only example is that of an old maid with nowhere to go. And a huge rack," she groaned. "If they only knew, how heavy a load this was..."

"Don't say that," the man said. "You're fairly beloved..."

"Boys trying to peep when I'm changing don't count as love."

"... and respected, as well..."

"They joke about my being the Dean's lover. I respect the Dean more than my own father, but... well... let's just say that, even as a joke, it isn't flattering..."

"Well, you know youngsters!"

"I've caught Yukari-sensei and Hanyu-sensei laughing at the joke, too."

"Well, err, yes, but... You're still young, and—"

"For Japanese standards, I'm ancient," she lamented. "I understand you've spent a lot of your life overseas, so maybe you don't fully get it, but... Never mind, of course. I'm a career woman, I need no family, yadda yadda. Sorry, it was a relapse. Truth be told, I wouldn't be happy stuck in a house playing homemaker, anyway."

"Then, what..."

"I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know what I really want from life. I want a family, and I feel time's running out for me in that field, fast, but at the same time, I like working. It's all I know how to do. I don't want to ever stop, but I want a family life in addition to that. Am I asking for too much?"

"Not at all," Takahata said. "That's the way of all modern women."

She nodded. "I know. But I was raised in a very traditional family, and I'm still marked by that. Besides, I tried doing that once, and—"

Takahata nodded, feeling uneasy. They all knew about her lost baby.

Shizuna rubbed her nose's bridge with a hand. "Takahata-sensei?"

"Yes?"

"What do you do in all those extra assignments the Dean gives you?"

"Well, you should know. I sit at conferences, speak for the Academy in special meetings, attend discussion forums, handle—"

"No, no. I mean what you really do, not your cover stories," she interrupted him. "I'm not stupid. You attend meetings in imaginary sessions, go to congresses no other Academy attends, cover events no newspaper or magazine ever reports. And you often return limping and with bruises all over your face."

"I'm accident prone," he explained.

And she frowned. "Fill me another cup."

"No," he said. "Minamoto-sensei, as you might know, I had slight problems handling my liquor in the past. Once last year, I almost did something terribly stupid, and that I'd have regretted forever, under that influence. I haven't drank at all after that, and I want you to avoid making the same kind of mistakes."

Shizuna looked away. "You're sounding just like Chie now. Everyone's always trying to act like everything's perfect and normal, but I can't keep up with your charade anymore. I've noticed things, Takamichi. Many things. I once saw the Dean walking through a wall, for God's sake!"

Takahata laughed it off. "Oh, honestly, Minamoto-sensei!"

"I know what I saw. And I was totally sober then," she argued, very seriously. "He thought I was gone, and then he muttered a few words in Latin and walked straight through the wall, like a ghost. And recently, I saw Negi-sensei's ermine pet stealing my underwear."

"Small animals do that all the time. They use warm fabrics to cover their nests."

"Yes, but this ermine talked while doing it!" Shizuna said. "He thought I was asleep, and he told himself 'What a haul! What a haul!' before running away with my panties. Laugh as much as you want, but I'm sure I wasn't dreaming it," she finished.

Takahata shook his head. "You really should go sleep..."

"Yes. I should." Her tone was unusually rough now. Standing up, she added, "Good night, then."

"Good night," Takamichi nodded dumbly.

Walking down the corridor, Shizuna tilted her head back to him. "That mistake you nearly made... Was it the night of Kagurazaka-san's birthday the year before?"

He stiffened in place, as if pointed at by the finger of a vengeful god. Then, very slowly, eyes wide open, he nodded, truth being his only option for once. "... Yes. Yes, it was. Why do you ask?"

"Just curiosity. It's the last time you were ever seen drinking," she hiccuped. "Well, I knew it. Only wanted to be fully sure. See you tomorrow, Takahata-sensei."

"See you tomorrow, Minamoto-sensei."

He knew he should have contacted Seruhiko and arranged a mindwipe for her on the subject of magic. It was the correct thing to do. The lawful one.

His days of breaking the laws for the sake of what he considered fair and right were long gone by now.

And yet, he never told Seruhiko anything about that conversation.

…

Well, DUH it's going to come back to bite him in the ass!

...

**Accept No Imitations**

"I'm going, then!" Negi announced brightly, patting his copy's shoulder. "You can take anything you want from the fridge!"

"Paper copies don't eat," Chamo pointed out.

"I only ask you to stay here until I come back!" Negi added. "Please don't step out of this room, okay?"

The copy nodded wordlessly.

Negi waved it goodbye while sneaking out. "Ah, we don't have spells like this in the West! I wonder why, if they're so useful..."

"Japan has many useful things to teach you," Chamo nodded sagely from his shoulder. "Like Paizuri, Bukkake and Netorare."

"What are all those things?" Negi asked.

"I'll tell you in a few years, Bro."

Two minutes after they were gone, however, the waste basket glowed with an eerie, supernatural golden light, and three disheveled and glassy eyed Negis crawled out of it.

"Hello, I'm Negi Springfield," the copy left behind told them.

"I'm Migi Springfield. Gotta go on patrol," one of the three said.

"I'm Nugi Springfield. Gotta go on patrol," another one said.

"I'm Hogi Springfield. Gotta go on patrol," the third one spoke.

"I can't leave this room," Copy Negi answered.

"Gotta go on patrol, gotta go on patrol, gotta go on patrol," the other three shuffled for the door like zombies, taking different directions down the inn's halls. Copy Negi waved them goodbye stupidly before closing the door and sitting before the turned off TV, his eyes fixed on the blank screen.

...

**Triumphant Return!**

"What's going on here?" Yue wondered as they walked through the lonely halls of the Inn.

"What do you mean, Yue?" Nodoka asked, walking behind her. "There's nothing going on."

"Exactly," Yue said. "It's still too early. Our classmates still should be out partying, now they aren't drunk. I wonder if something bad happened...?"

A tiny, round, orange head popped out of Nodoka's backpack. "Be careful! I can feel a strange magical feeling all around this place, although I can say it's not a Clo—"

"Hush!" Yue put a finger on her lips. "You don't want anyone finding out you even exist, do you?"

Then they heard urgent whispers from one of the nearby rooms, startling them. "Psst! Hey, you two! Come here! Quick! Before Nitta or the Vice President see you!"

"Huh?" Yue approached the door and peeked in. "Asakura-san. What are you doing there, and where are Iincho and the others?"

Kazumi grinned, inviting them in with a hand gesture and closing the door behind them. "Oh, so you haven't heard yet?"

"Heard what?" an annoyed Yue asked.

_A detailed explanation later..._

"SAY WHAT?-!-?" the normally sedate Ayase all but screamed. Okay, screamed. No point in denying it. "You did what to Negi-sensei?-!"

Behind her, a livid Nodoka gasped aloud.

Kazumi winked at them. "You heard everything, I'm not repeating it. What do you say? Interested in playing?" She held a pillow up in each hand.

Yue facepalmed. "Out of all your stupid meddling ideas, this has to be the worst ever yet. Worthy of Haruna herself!"

"Yeah, but are you playing, or not?" Kazumi pressed on, unfazed.

"Call the game off," Yue requested sternly.

"Can't do it," Asakura replied. "You know Iincho would skin me alive if I—"

A ghastly black aura surrounded Yue. "Iincho would be merciful compared to what I'll do if you harm Negi-sensei's career with this..."

Kazumi was unaffected. "I've been threatened by worse. Really, even if I call the game off, they won't listen! But there's one thing you can do if you want to 'save' Negi-sensei from them! Join the game and win it, getting to Sensei's side before anyone else and warning him!"

"Why don't we warn Nitta-sensei instead?" Yue crossed her arms.

"Everyone would brand you a traitor and stop talking to you?" Kazumi asked.

"You'll have to try better," Yue kept her cold blood and her poker face. "I don't have any friends but Nodoka and Paru, and Paru will forgive me like all the times I've stopped her sick fun before. It'll make no difference to me."

"Yue-Yue, m-maybe we should—" Nodoka began.

Kazumi rubbed her forehead with her fingers. "A tough negotiator, Yue!" she admitted. "I respect your guts! But I still have one argument that'll convince you no matter what—"

"I highly doubt it," Yue frowned cutely.

A few minutes later, both librarians wandered the halls again, pillows in hand. Yue had a supremely sour expression on her face, while Nodoka fidgeted full of nervousness.

The tiny plush-like head poked out of Nodoka's backpack again. "Well, you sure showed her with that, young miss," the animal said ironically.

Yue grunted. "Shut up or you'll attract Nitta-sensei..."

...

**Showdown!**

"Where are we going, Misa?" Misora complained, walking behind the for once straight-faced cheerleader. "Negi-kun's room is that way, remember?"

"It's you who doesn't remember!" Misa hissed. "He and Ala Alba are on patrol all around the Inn after last night's incident, and this is the time he told me he'd be out. His room is the last place where he'll be now."

"Oh, yeah, that," Kasuga scratched her head. "I wish I could have helped him then..."

"Yeah, me too," Misa admitted.

"Come to think about it, we should be helping him **now**..."

"You know how stubborn he is. He's still stuck with the idea he's endangering us. But never mind; we'll help him after I get my kiss."

"You mean my kiss."

"No, then we'd never help him," Kakizaki quipped. "But I'll ask him if he knows some guy for y—"

Both of them froze when, after turning a corner, they found themselves face to face with Ayaka and Makie.

"Dammit, not now!" Misora backed away very quickly.

Ayaka's eyes glinted, two pillows twirling around in her hands skillfully. "Oh ho ho ho! The first obstacles fall here and now! Makie-san!"

"Roger, Iincho!" The pink haired girl pulled out a ribbon, lashed it in the air to snatch her own pillow, and sent the caught pillow across the distance the terrified Misora had already covered, whacking her on the head.

"Crap, Misora, don't run away as soon as danger shows up!" Misa yelled, furiously fighting a close range pillow fight with Ayaka, and clearly taking the worst part of it. Her recent training was helping her to actually make a fight of itinstead of falling right from the start, but Ayaka had years of fighting training herself, and it showed. She walloped Misa left and right with a ferocity Misa wouldn't have discarded from Kuro herself. "Ow! Careful there! A girl's face is her life!"

"Oh, it's just a pillow! Don't be a baby!" Ayaka kept on pummeling her. "Just fall, fall, and I'll stop!"

"Arrgh, never! For the Negi!"

Makie, meanwhile, kept on using her ribbon and pillow to chase Misora down the hall. The close space made it harder for Kasuga to sprint out of sight, and every time she closed in to retaliate, Makie hit her face instead. "Hee hee! I learned this trick from Kodachi-sensei! Just be thankful I don't use heavy objects with it, unlike her!"

Grunting, Misora remembered Setsuna's lessons on using her natural speed, Pactio boost or not. She focused, calculating the lag time of Makie's relentless attack, and used one of those lags to run straight at her, avoiding the ribbon and getting close enough to wallop the gymnast frantically, at breakneck speed, making her whimper. "Hey, that's not— Aie!— fair! Ouchie! No, stop! I'll tell Homura-mam—!"

"Tell the Pope for all I care!" Misora hit her jaw one last time, sending her down to the floor just as Ayaka subdued a spiral-eyed Misa.

"I… shall… overcome!" Misa cried, even as she collapsed, beaten. Without her Pactio boost, she'd been unable to endure as she usually would have.

Then Misora froze, seeing the panting, wheezing Iincho's disturbingly shiny eyes fixed on her. "Congratulations, Kasuga-san... Makie-san was proving to be dead weight anyway! I'll do far better without her... and without you!" She charged ahead.

"Eep!" Misora cringed, but then Ayaka froze in midrun, hearing heavy steps coming down the hall.

"Oh, no! I know that sound! It's Nitta-sensei!" Ayaka's voice plummeted in pitch and volume.

Misora already was running in the opposite direction. "Every woman for herself!"

After a brief moment of doubt spent looking at the groggy Makie, Ayaka decided to just run after Misora, disappearing with her behind another corner.

A moment later, Misa opened her heavy eyes. "Ah? No, no, Kuro, I still can fi—"

Her words died in her mouth, seeing a fuming Nitta standing over her and Makie, wooden ruler in hand.

"Oh. Shit."

...

Ayaka and Misora, hiding crouched behind some large potted plants, watched from afar at how Nitta forced Misa and Makie to squat in the Inn's lobby.

"This is bad. Nitta-sensei is a more formidable foe than I expected," the Class Rep whispered. "His heartless ways might be the greatest obstacle on the road of romance!"

"Uh, yeah, that," Misora nodded. "Sorry, Misa-chan. Your brave sacrifice will be remembered all the way to my wedding night."

"Kasuga-san, despite the loss of those two fine even if foolish young women, life goes on," Ayaka stated very seriously. "Such is the law of Darwinism, and to adapt and survive, I suggest an alliance of the fittest," she guided her away. Misora was far too eager to move away from Nitta. "You actually impressed me back there. You have the speed, and I have the strength! Together, we may yet stand a chance against Ku-san and Saotome-san!"

"An alliance, huh? I guess it's not like we have another option," Misora considered it. "Fine, you have a deal! But only until we reach our goal! Then, may the best woman win!"

"I wouldn't have it any other way!" Ayaka said, and they shook hands, smiling at each other.

Kazumi's narration voice boomed through the speakers in Chao's room, where most of the class had gathered to watch the events on TV. "Teams 03 and 04 have lost 50% of their respective womanpower! However, the remnants of both teams have allied themselves into a new team, just as another, all new team formed of Ayase Yue and Miyazaki Nodoka joins the fray! Teams 01 and 02 continue operating at full health, but anything can change in the next few minutes!"

"Are all those changes legal?" Madoka asked.

Mana shrugged. "Who cares, really?"

Sakurako sighed. "This would be much better with betting or Satomi-chan..."

_Somewhere, Hakase burped, putting her hand to her mouth. "Uh, excuse me."_

No sneezes, sorry.

...

**Feels Like a Waste**

_Okinawa_

He stood on the coast line, staring at the sea but not really looking at it.

_Matoi was looking up at Itoshiki with gigantic, loving eyes full of all the devotion in the world._

_"Oh crap," he whispered._

_"Sensei! Do you have any idea what you've just done?" Nami gasped._

_Kafuka smiled. "Ah, how cute! Now Matoi-chan really is one of us! Natural order has been restored!"_

_"... Well, going by her prior history, we knew this would happen eventually," Shizuna sighed._

_Jiiiiiiiiiii..._

He wouldn't say he was in despair over it only being a trick of Tsunetsuki-san.

But somehow, very deep inside, as much as he would deny it even to himself if asked about it, there was something deeply saddening about it.

…

He turned and yelled, "Urashima-san! Are giant jellyfish crawling out of the beach normal this time of year?"

...

**Back to the Inn…**

"Y-Yue..." Nodoka whispered while crawling behind her friend, shuddering as she felt the icy nocturnal air blowing on the back of her neck.

"Wha' is i', 'O'oka?" Yue asked, clutching a miniature flashlight between her teeth while leading the crawl across the ledge right under the inn's roof. She used the light to check on a small map she held in a hand.

"W-Where did you get that map?" Nodoka whispered again.

"Oh? T'is?" Briefly, she pulled the flashlight out of her mouth to speak clearly. "While you were hyperventilating about the possibility of kissing Negi-sensei, I negotiated with Asakura to get this. Who knows how she got it, but she used it to plant her cameras all around the building."

In truth, Chamo had used his capacity to roam the whole inn without being detected to draw such schematics. First, he had given some to Ala Alba to help them with their rounds, but without their knowledge, he also had saved a copy for his recent partner in crime. Feeling some pity for the weak librarians, Asakura had agreed to lend them that copy after her convincing discussion with Yue.

"Ah," Nodoka said. "And why are we taking this way? It reminds me of our explorations at Library Island..."

"This is the safest route," said Ayase. "Not only are the other girls are unlikely to think of it, but Nitta-sensei would never come this way. The room Negi-sensei and Nelly-san are in is near the fire escape doubling this corner, so by coming this way, we've sneaked around the dangers with minimal effort."

"Ah, that's very smart of you," Nodoka was impressed. "Wh-What if, for further safety, we send Kero-san ahead to scout the path and check—"

"Too risky!" the voice piped from her backpack. "I don't want to be seen, especially not in this... this sad, degraded state you've put me into!" it cried, making Nodoka cringe with guilt.

"What he said," Yue droned, helping her to get into the fire escape, and checking on the window. "We're in luck, it's unlocked. It'd have been a problem otherwise. Looks like the gods are smiling upon us..."

Sitting on the rooftop right above their heads, hidden in the darkness and as silent as ever, an undetected Zazie played absently with a set of keys.

"Thank you," Nodoka said while Yue helped her into the lonely hall the window led into.

"Thank me later," Yue kept her tone very low. "We can't claim victory until we've reached his bedroom. Nitta-sensei is smart; even if he couldn't follow us out there, he might have just set a trap right outside Negi-sensei's room."

"You're right," Nodoka shuddered, sticking closer to her as they sneaked approaching the corner behind which triumph or agonic defeat awaited. "M-Maybe we should just head back. N-No way anything good may come out of this..."

"Like Bertrand Russell said, 'To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead'," Yue quoted. "Be brave, Nodoka. No matter what lies ahead, I'll be there with you."

"Yue..." Nodoka breathed.

Then Yue made a sudden gesture to stop, and pushed Nodoka back, immediately ducking with her behind a large cabinet displaying fine dolls. The small trap door that had just moved in the floor, alerting Yue, flew open right then, and out popped two pink-haired small heads.

"I told you so, Fumika-chan!" Fuuka said cheerily. "That map Asakura-neechan sold us was the real deal! Behind that corner, the door to Paradise waits for us!"

Fumika put her hands together in adoration. "Waiii! We did it! We arrived before anyone else! Onee-chan, you're a genius!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" Fuuka laughed smugly. "Of course I am!" She marched ahead, thrusting her flat chest out. "Follow me! Now, we can't be stopped by anyone, not even that goat Nitta or that stupid Vice President cow!"

Two steps and a turning the corner later, two things happened.

First, Nodoka gasped and tried to race after them, forgetting all caution and fear, but Yue, suspecting something, held her back firmly, silencing her with a finger on her lips.

Then, Fuuka's face slammed against a pair of big round breasts, literally walking into Suzushiro Haruka.

"Ah," Fuuka looked up sheepishly. Behind her, Fumika's face lost all color.

Haruka's forehead had a crossed vein pulsing on it. There was a hideous forced grin on her face. Her eyes were those of a demon. The twins yelped and leapt back.

"Good evening, Norataku-san," she said. "Excuse me, but this area is off limits to everyone but teachers and stupid Vice President cows."

There was a beat.

"That's 'Narutaki', Vice President-san," Fumika said diffidently.

...

**Dusk of the Ninja Twins!**

Haruka stalked threateningly towards the twins, her much taller frame towering over them in a very sinister fashion. Nodoka was expecting her to break into a "BWA HA HA HA! I HAVE YOU NOW, MY PRETTIES!" in any moment now.

"BWA HA HA HA! I HAVE YOU NOW, LAWBREAKERS!" Haruka laughed in a borderline deranged way.

Well, close enough.

Fumika trembled and whimpered helplessly, but Fuuka seemed to regain her courage and stood her ground before the older girl. "Fumika-chan, don't let her bully you!"

"... Bully?" Haruka said.

"Hmpf!" Fuuka faced her fearlessly. "Matoi-sempai was right! As Warriors of Love, we can't be defeated! Because Love bestows its infinite power upon us! While you, embittered woman, old hag, big breasted old maid, have never known love, and so you are—"

Haruka sighed and just interrupted Fuuka's hot-blooded speech grabbing her cheek and pushing her against a wall effortlessly, making her way to Fumika. "Out of my way, will you? Obviously you talk big, but _this_ is the big brain of the operation, shy as she may act!"

Fumika's eyes popped out. "I'M NOT A BIG BRAIN OF ANYTHING! JUST LOOK AT MY GRADES!"

Fuuka, stubbornly, rejoined her sister's side. "Fumika-chan, never falter! Let's use the techniques Kaede-nee taught us!"

"Okay!" Fumika gulped and assumed a fighting stance next to her.

"NARUTAKI NINJUTSU STYLE!" they chorused. "SPLIT BODY TECHNIQUE!"

And they jumped in opposite directions, pillows ready.

"Oh, for the love of—!" Haruka spun around and swung her right hand in an arc that managed to slap both twins quickly, felling them with bright red marks on their cheeks. "You aren't even splitting your bodies! Like Kitsu-san would say, if you're going to be Shinobu, at least do it properly!"

_At Okinawa, Chiri and Shinobu both sneezed._

_"Oh, I hope I'm not allergic to jellyfish…" Chiri mused, before raising her shovel and slamming it into the giant jellyfish Kaiju attacking the beach. "Meat doll, meat doll, gonna make a meat doll…!" she sang ominously._

_"I am never visiting the beach again," Itoshiki said blandly, trying to keep his ass covered. This thing had tentacles, after all._

_"Ah!" Kafuka chirped cheerily. "I wish Matoi-chan was here! Those skills she picked up stalking that marine biologist who specialized in jellyfish are just what we need…"_

"The right term is 'Shinobi'!" Fumika whined.

At Satsuki and Chao's room, the TV blared with Kazumi's narration. "Oh my God! Suzushiro-sempai's brute strength has surpassed the ninja skills of the Narutaki twins!"

Madoka looked at Kaede. "You sure you really taught them Ninjutsu?"

Kaede looked innocent. "I have no idea what are you talking about, Madoka-dono. This lowly one could never be a Shinobi..."

Mana grunted. "You taught them wrong on purpose, didn't you? Despicable. At least I attempt to teach Shiho the right way..."

"Since I did not teach them anything, I certainly did not teach them wrong on purpose, Mana- _san_ ," Kaede replied, still smiling but teeth just a little clenched.

"Maybe it's better this way," Sakurako opined. "After all, the twins might make bad use of real ninja arts in the future. They might even end up... accidentally... killing their parents, or something..."

Everyone glared at her.

"What?" the cheerleader said. "I've seen them talking to their parents. It's clear they don't get along."

"70% of us don't get along with our parents," Madoka reminded her. "You **never** see any of them but Chizuru's, Yuuna's, Makie's and Misora's around, do you?"

"The girls only lack the focus to learn properly, that's all..." Kaede said. "That, and I'm not a ninja."

She shifted around uneasily while saying that. A throwing knife slipped out one of her pockets and onto the floor. Helpfully, Satsuki picked it up and gave it back to Kaede, who thanked her with a nod.

...

**Narutaki Holocaust!**

The twins fell back into a defensive stance, shoulder to shoulder. They breathed heavily, looking up at Haruka, who stood, unamused, with her hands on her hips.

"Will you stop playing around and just accept your punishment?" the older and annoyed student asked.

"Never!" Fumika declared.

"Who says we're playing? This is a life or death struggle for the love of our lives!" Fuuka added. "So step aside, old lady! Your stubborn heartless ways are no match for the spirit of true Kouga nin—"

Haruka had just stomped to her and slapped her in mid-speech. "Unacceptable! I didn't want to resort to corporal punishment, but your insolence forces me to resort to old school methods!"

"You've been slapping us around for a while now..." Fumika sweatdropped. "And I'm pretty sure seiza position counts too…

"Yeah!" Fuuka rubbed her swollen cheek. "And you're doing it in an illegal way, too! Fighting barehanded is forbidden in this game! You only can use these pillows! I thought you were a stickler for rules, you hypocrite!"

"I don't have to follow the rules of a game I'm not playing!" Haruka gawked.

"That's the cheaters' oldest excuse!" the Narutakis chorused.

Haruka's eyebrows took quite a funny shape. "Then, if I defeat you with those pillows, as your vaunted rules state, you would admit defeat to me?"

" _If_ you ever could!" Fuuka sniffed confidently. Fumika shivered, already fearing the worst.

Haruka grinned deviously. "Challenge accepted."

Then the worst happened.

Faster than Fumika could react, the busty sempai flashed to her side, snatched the pillow right off her hands, and swung it in an arc connecting straight to her chin.

"FUMI—!" Fuuka began, only to have her mouth full with pillow a second later, as the trajectory of the swing hit her as well, with a strength she'd never suspected a pillow hit could ever have. Little Negis danced before her eyes as the bigger girl yanked her pillow off as well, twirling them around in her hands like a cocky gunslinger being flashy.

"This is far from being the first pillow fight I've stopped!" Suzushiro boasted. "Back when I was just starting, I quelled the Big Pajama Party War of Dorm 15-E!"

The twins paled. "So that was _you_!"

"We've heard the stories! You brought _Suzumiya Haruhi_ to detention!" Fumika's knees began shaking. "Granted, she got away, but still!"

Haruka nodded solemnly. "It was the hardest battle of my life. I lost half a tooth, my best shirt, and a sizable chunk of my dignity that day! But it _counted_!" sShe tightened a fist and cried rivers of hot-blooded womanly tears. "Because I brought that dangerous penetrator to justice, and honored the duties of my sacred rank!"

"You mean 'perpetrator'," Fuuka corrected.

"No, I meant what I meant," Haruka deadpanned, though her face blushed slightly.

Both twins cringed. "Ugh."

"Like I said, it was a dark day," Haruka shrugged, before charging ahead with the pillows. "And now it's yours!"

The girls watching the TV in Satsuki's place shuddered at the following scenes of graphic pillow brutality. All but Eva, Chachamaru and Mana, naturally.

"It's a massacre!" Madoka said.

"The Rodney King case's got nothing on this!" Chao whistled.

"Who's Rodney King?" Baka Blue asked.

"Can a pillow hit really send you flying across the room like that, like in cheap comedy anime?" Sakurako blinked. "I thought the Mythbusters had proved that wrong—"

"We're seeing it ourselves, aren't we?" Evangeline said breezily. "Oh, good hit. I want a copy of this."

"So, is the Vice President legally in the game now, or what?" Madoka scratched her head. "She'd need a teammate, wouldn't she?"

Kaede sobbed as the screen showed Haruka, with a black eye but otherwise all right, panting and standing over a spiral eyed Fuuka, with Fumika swung over Suzushiro's shoulder in a such a way her loosened yukata showed her panties to the camera.

**DESTRUCTION OF THE NARUTAKI PARTY COMPLETE! HEALTH DOWN TO 0%!-!-! GAME OVER!**

As a somber Haruka dragged Fuuka off and carried Fumika over to their hideous squatting fates, Nodoka shrunk in place in her hideout. She and Yue held their breaths, until the tall sempai turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

"Now, it's our chance, I mean your chance, before she returns!" Yue whispered, grabbing her friend by a hand and pulling her along to Negi's door. "Be brave, Nodoka!"

"Y-Y-Yes!" Nodoka blushed, then asked. "But Yue-Yue, I thought we only were going to warn him! Not that I'd kiss hi—"

"Just do it, Nodoka!" Yue half hissed, pushing her inside and slamming the door close behind her. "Whew!"

The Osaka accented voice now coming from her backpack spoke, very low in tone but still intently, "Aren't you being just as pushy as that Haruna young lady you complained about all through our way here...?"

Yue huffed. "I don't wish to discuss that right now, Kero-san..."

...

**Chizu-nee in Love?**

Natsumi gulped while sticking to Chizuru's shadow carefully. The taller girl marched ahead with an air of confident yet wary aplomb, eyeing every shadow of the halls analytically. Chizu-nee could be quite intense when she was focused, but for once, Natsumi was glad to have that scariness near her. It made her feel protected when Chizu-nee was trying to guard and guide her instead of being... simply so subtly but horribly domineering.

She was halted forcefully when Chizuru herself stopped with no warning, and her freckled face clashed against her roommate's back. She was about to ask what had happened, but she had Chizu-nee's hand covering her mouth before any word could be uttered.

"Steps. Coming closer," Naba whispered. "It's too late to go back now. Let's hope it's not Ku-san, but with anyone else, I'll take them down for you. Just stay behind me, Natsumi."

"But, Iincho—" Natsumi began with a barely there voice.

"I can beat her," Chizuru said calmly, and Natsumi wondered why. They both knew Ayaka was skilled in martial arts, so...

Much to her relief, however, only Negi himself walked into their sight then. No, actually, that only scared her even more. Now she would have to go ahead and kiss him! _No, I'm not ready for this!_

"Hello, I'm Hogi Springfield," the paper copy said.

"Good evening, Negi-sensei," Chizuru smiled. From the vacant expression on the boy's face, she guessed he was either very sleepy or possibly even sleepwalking, which explained his strange greeting and spaced out voice. "It's me, Chizuru."

"Hello, Naba Chizuru-san," the copy said, accessing the basic fragments of knowledge it had from his original's mind.

Chizuru gently pushed a terrified Natsumi ahead. "Sensei, Natsumi-chan here has something she'd really like to ask you..."

"N-N-No! Not me!" the actress shrilled.

"Ah?" the copy babbled. "What is what you don't want to ask me, Murakami Natsumi-san?"

Chizuru laughed in that soft way of hers. "She's only too timid to say it herself, Negi-sensei. Which is a lovely trait in a young virginal maiden, don't you agree? But really, her heart longs very dearly..."

"No! Please don't say it!" Natsumi begged frantically.

Ignoring her plea, Chizuru lowered her head, smiling at the fake Negi and purring on his face, "... for a kiss... _from you_."

Natsumi hid her crimson face with her right sleeve, while the Negi stood perfectly still for a moment. With a blank expression, he tried to assimilate what he had just heard. Small flat wheels of paper turned very slowly inside of his head. His barely there rational though only caught a few key words and weaved them around as best as it could.

_Heart longs-kiss-you._

Then he nodded stiffly. "Okay. I understand. I will kiss you, Naba Chizuru-san."

Natsumi jerked back, slack-jawed. Her freckles drowned in a sea of red.

Chizuru blinked, looking really disconcerted for the first time ever since Natsumi had met her. Her lips moved, but made no sound until she finally could mutter, just as Negi quickly closed in on her, "Oh, my!"

...

**Nodoka's First Time (kissing a Paper Doll)!**

A paper copy was an inferior simulation of real life given temporary existence by the magic of its user. As such, said constructs had short lifespans, and normally little energy to spare. Amagasaki Chigusa, being an expert in the usage of such magic with years of experience, could make her creations last and remain active for surprisingly long amounts of time, but Negi, a novice in that area, couldn't hope to match that effectiveness yet. The fact he was basically using off-the-shelf for-anyone products didn't help.

So it was simply natural the copy he had left in his room had fallen asleep before the TV by now. Nodoka found it that way when she stumbled into the bedroom, eeping when Yue locked the door behind her. The shy librarian trembled violently, with goosebumps all over her skin, as she saw the prone form lying a few feet away.

The silvery moonlight filtered through the window lit Negi's boyish features giving them a near angelic appearance, and Nodoka's heart raced wildly. Everything about the strange boy who had helped her and Yue earlier that evening was forgotten on the spot. There he was, the only boy for her, so close, so innocent, so... kissable...

 _Totally at your mercy..._ her inner Haruna hissed teasingly. Nodoka's mind yelled shrilly, kicked the Haruna down some stairs, and dropped a ton of encyclopedias on her. No, she wouldn't do that! Ever! She was good student and friend, and she wouldn't betray her teacher's trust like that! Nodoka was a good girl!

_Somewhere far, far, FAR away, Tobi sneezed._

_No_ , she decided while kneeling next to him. Instead, she'd do the responsible thing, wake him up, and warn him about her classmates' conspiracy. Then everything would be okay, the others would desist their evil intentions, and Negi-sensei would be thankful to her...

So thankful to her...

Nodoka breathed in and out as her face hovered over Negi's. Now, she would talk. Yes. She would gently wake him up (not with a kiss!) and tell him... tell him how much she liked him... no, wait, that wasn't right... she'd tell him... tell him... him...

Nodoka's mouth slowly kept getting lower and lower. She felt like she was witnessing the whole thing from outside her own body, powerless to stop herself. Her lips felt dry, and her head was heavy. Negi's small lips were moving slightly, as if calling hers down... and down... No...

Then he opened his eyes and said "Hello, I'm Negi Springfield."

"KYA!" Nodoka backpedalled frantically. "S-S-SORRY! I swear I didn't want to w-wake you up! I just had to! Please don't get mad at me! I knew I should have knocked, but—! But—!"

The copy sat up and smiled at her. "What do you want, Miyazaki Nodoka-san?"

"Ah! W-What do I want?" she repeated. "Well, I, I, I want to say you something, I mean, tell you something! About, um, kissing! I mean, a kissing game!"Her tongue just kept on tying itself up. "I swear it wasn't my idea! Asakura-san, I mean, someone else told me about it! Okay, it was her, but please don't punish her! It's our own fault for playing along too!"

Negi tilted his head aside. "Ah?"

Nodoka felt to her hands and knees before him. "I confess! I'm a horrible person! I came here to kiss you! I wanted to, and I also wanted to confess a terrible thing today at the park! I know I deserve being punished, because I have impure thoughts, and I—! I—!" she sobbed, unable to continue digging herself deeper.

Negi blinked. "Did you come here to kiss me?"

Nodoka gulped, sniffling back tears, and nodded in shame. "I tried to tell myself I wanted to come first to warn you, but... but..."

And then she felt a very tender hand on her cheek.

"Command identified and accepted. Miyazaki Nodoka-san identified. Good person. She can be obeyed."

"Ah...?" She looked up from her position, staring up at him with large wet eyes.

And then his lips met hers.

Nodoka's eyes bulged out, and her flesh became so red it almost went black.

Waiting outside watching out for any intruders, Yue heard the shriek one moment later. And then the explosion of light and smoke coming from the inside, blowing the room's door off its hinges.

Kero perked up. "That intense magic burst! It only can be—!"

"AHHHH!-!-!" Nodoka screamed in terror. "I'VE KILLED NEGI-SENSEI!"

Then, the thud of her body hitting the floor even as Yue rushed inside to help her, holding her unconscious body in her arms and patting her cheeks. "Nodoka! Oh, Nodoka! Kero-san, we must get her to a nurse! What happened here?-!"

There was no Negi-sensei anywhere in sight, but instead, the small animal had found a strange card lying on the floor near Nodoka. "Hmmmm..." he analyzed it carefully.

Yue blinked several times. "Is that another Clow—?"

"Not exactly, no," the plushie frowned, showing the card to Yue. It had a Super Deformed image of Nodoka on it, portraying her in an adorable seal costume and balancing a ball on her head. "But I can say it's magical, anyway!"

...

**Legacy of the Black Rose!**

"Oh! There you are, Negi-bouzou!" Ku Fei chirped as she saw the disoriented looking boy stepping into their sights. "We have a surprise for you-aru!"

"Hello. I am Migi Springfield—" the fake Negi began, before Haruna silenced him with a gesture.

"Wait just a moment there, Negi-sensei. Judging from your stunned face, your shocked, pale visage and mind shattered general appearance, I want to ask you something. Have you ran into someone else recently?"

"I ran into myself, myself, myself and myself," he replied truthfully. "Other than those, no."

The girls blinked and slowly looked at each other.

"Maybe... Maybe he was given sake?" Ku considered.

"Who would do such a thing?" Haruna asked. "Iincho would never think about it, Makie's too innocent, Misora doesn't have the guts, the twins would prefer a straighter angle, and—"

Then both of them chorused, brows furrowed, "Misa."

The fake Negi gave a blink, then another, then another. "Ah?"

"It'd feel bad, taking advantage of a drunk child," Ku rubbed her chin a few times. "I don't think I can do it like this."

"Well..." Haruna addressed 'Negi' again. "You sure you didn't run into anyone who forced you into a kiss, shattering your virginal mind down?"

He shook his head.

"Well, you have now—!-!-!"

"HARUNA!" Ku kicked her in the head.

"Joking! Joking!" Paru laughed, getting up with a bleeding bump on the top of her head. She didn't mind it. "Sheesh, like I'd ever betray Yue and Nodoka like that!"

"You mean betraying _me_ ," Ku reminded her. "Honya-chan and Yue had their chance, but if they didn't bother to show up and play, tough luck! Er, aru!"

Haruna smiled languidly, and more than a bit goofily. "Sorry, Ku-chan. But I meant exactly what I said. I'd never betray Yuecchi and Nodo-chan for anything, but I'd betray _you_ for them," she added in a casual tone.

Ku frowned and assumed a battle stance. Migi only observed vacantly. "A double-cross? Don't be dumb, Haruna. Despite your training, you know you never could match me in a fair fight! Aru!"

Paru sighed. "Oh, how right you are!" She shook her head and pulled a black rose out of one of her sleeves, sniffing it with a melancholic air. "Daddy's right, I slacked on my training, and I could never defeat you hand to hand! This week, anyway."

Then, as on a whim, she tossed the flower. Ku, sure it was a trick to distract her, kept her green eyes fixed on Haruna.

Then the black rose fell on her nose and exploded in a small burst of black dust, making her sneeze. And then gag. And then, suddenly, the Chinese girl fell on her back, twitching, trying to move her limbs but failing miserably at it.

"Oh ho ho ho!" Haruna laughed. "Fortunately, brute strength and martial skills are all you've got on me, Ku-chan! Once again, Auntie Kodachi's teachings pay off! Don't bother fighting that; a dose like that is enough to put even Dad down for at least two hours!"

Ku clenched her teeth. "The... pillows...! Rules said... they... only weapon allowed!"

"Yeah, I know. I'll get disqualified over this. Which suits me fine, since I never wanted to win this game. It's all part of my gambit for the real winners!"

"I'll... get... revenge for this...!" Ku promised from the floor. "You... just... wait! I shall have my revenge, Saotome!"

_Somewhere in Nerima, nearly every member of Haruna's extended family sneezed._

Haruna just grinned brightly. "Ooh, my first bitter martial arts rival! I gave to tell daddy! I hope it's something kinky," Haruna smiled, grabbing the copy by a hand and leading him away. "Auntie Shampoo has told me a lot about the Kiss of Death, and I want mine with tongue. Hey, one of those got Auntie started with Dad! Who knows, maybe we could follow the same way... Ah ha ha ha! Come on, Sensei, I'll tuck you safely into your futon, but there's a girl I want you to see first!"

"Seeing a girl? Okay!" the clone agreed rather too quickly.

Ku tried to get back up to no avail, time and time again, running several old tried and true Chinese tortures in her head, until she found herself staring up at a pair of white panties.

Suzushiro Haruka, staring down at her with her arms crossed, stood near her head. "Why are you napping there?" she asked in a blunt, confused way.

...

**We still Love you the Way you are, Paru-chan**

"Which girl are we going to see, Saotome Haruna-san?" Migi asked, allowing himself to be dragged along by Haruna.

"Why, Nodoka-chan, of course!" she said, very peppily before nearly singing, "She has something very important to tell you...!"

"What is it? I have things to do. Patrol, patrol, patrol," he repeated.

Haruna clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Oh, don't be so uptight all the time!"

"Okay!" he said in a more cheerful voice after identifying the command. Then again, since not even the real Negi knew exactly how to avoid being uptight, his attitude didn't change that much. "Patrol happily! Patrol happily! Patrol happily!"

Haruna sighed. "Misa really went overboard with your drink, didn't she?"

"I can't drink anything. I'd dissolve from the inside," he replied.

Haruna stopped, turned around, and frowned, crouching down to examine his face. "Okay, it isn't funny anymore. Let me see... You're as pale as a sheet of paper, you breathe funny, and you even blink at random intervals. Maybe I should take you to Ako-chan before meeting Nodoka. Last thing I want is screwing things up again and having you vomit on her, or something."

"I can't vomit. I haven't eaten anything," Migi answered.

Haruna touched his forehead. "You're cold, too! For the love of Go Nagai, Misa's gone too far! Drugging lovers is okay in manga, but in real life, it's an unforgivable sin!"

"You just drugged Ku Fei-san, Saotome Haruna-san."

"Different thing! She isn't my lover! ... Yet," she ammended, before continuing, "Dad and Auntie Kodachi had several big fights over that, you know. And Auntie Kodachi and Auntie Ukyo, and Auntie Kodachi and Auntie Akane, and— Let's just say Auntie Kodachi's ways tended to rub the family the wrong way."

"Hello, I'm Migi Springfield!" The clone had reverted back to default mode, unable to cope with the scenario posed.

Again, Haruna sighed. "You can't kiss Nodo-chan like this."

"Ah?"

"Oh! Forget I said anything! In your current state, it shouldn't be hard. We'll do this later, okay? When you're okay."

"I'm okay!" he protested. "What do you want to do?"

"Kissing," she chuckled. "Actually, that is, having you kissing Nodo—"

The copy's eyes seemed to almost light up. "Command registered and accepted. Student Saotome Haruna-san. I trust you. Do you want to kiss?"

"Eh?-!" Paru's eyes became saucers. "NO! I mean, YES! But later! I couldn't possibly steal Nodo-chan's first dibs! Then I'd be an even worse person, and Yuecchi would be even madder at me!"

Migi's head tilted aside. "Failure to understand answer. Please answer in a single yes or not term."

"Look, what I'm trying to say is, and I tell you this because I know you won't remember anything tomorrow morning, yeah, I like you a lot, but Nodoka... needs you. She needs a nice boy who can help her get over her fears, and those aren't easy to find. I already have Rito-kun, I'd be too selfish if I take you as well, right? Sure, maybe later, when Nodo-chan and you are more... wordly... we could do a nice four way date... and maybe bring Yuecchi in while we're on it... and Chisame... and Daddy and Mom... and that cute guy who works at the convenience store... and Tomoe Mami-san... Anyway, the point is, I'd be a bad friend, and a bad girlfriend, if I forced things between both of us before its time! I might be a wee bit of a pervert, but I have my standards too! You got all of that?"

"... Ah?"

She slammed a hand on her own face. "Look at me. Telling this to a ten year old. Maybe Yuecchi is right and I should re-evaluate my life..."

"Do you want a kiss, yes or no?" he asked, with all the innocence in the world. He might as well be asking if you wanted pudding.

"YES!" she admitted. "YES, I DO, VERY MUCH! But— But it's just that—! That—!"

She was about to go on a frantic tangent on how she'd hurt all those she loved if she wasn't careful, and how the line between getting a Harem Ending and a Bad Ending was so thin, and how she wanted to be mindful of others' feelings from now on, but when he grabbed her face between his hands, she forgot all of that.

"Yes?" he repeated the last word he had understood.

Cursing her lack of willpower, blushing bright behind her glasses, the mangaka nodded weakly. "... Yes."

_Please forgive me, Nodo-chan._

And it was she who jumped for his lips.

A moment later...

"WHOOO! THAT WAS REALLY **EXPLOSIVE**!"

...

**Suka Card**

"Then, not a Clow Card at all," Yue repeated, just to be sure.

"Nope," Kero's voice came from inside her backpack, where he still was examining Nodoka's card. "I think this is what mages call a 'Suka' Pactio card. A basically useless trinket, a hindrance in magical combat, barely useful as a novelty trick for parties."

"And... And how does it work?" asked Nodoka.

"Well, the user must hold the card up and pronounce the word 'Adeat'. That'll turn the user, that's you, Nodoka-san, into... a tiny seal with no fighting abilities at all, who'll be completely vulnerable for the next ten minutes or so, when the magical power of the card runs out for the time being!"

"Why did it appear after Nodoka kissed that fake Negi-sensei?" Yue said.

"Normal Pactio cards are often established after a Partner, or Ministra, seals an alliance with a Master, or Magister, through a kiss," Kero explained. "However, Suka cards are created when the alliance is formed in a flawed way, for some reason or another, and the magic transfer can't be channeled properly. In this case, I think the reason is you didn't kiss the original mage, but a copy of him imbued with some leftovers of his magic."

"W-Wait a second!" Nodoka gulped. "Are you saying Negi-sensei is a mage?"

Yue gestured for her to keep her voice low, as they kept marching down the halls in their search for Negi. Then she whispered, "Actually, that would mesh with some facts I've observed, like a few of the things he tried to do in Library Island. Are you sure we'll find him if we go this way?"

Nodoka nodded. "It seems the most logical thing, don't you think? He wasn't in his room and set a decoy there, so he must be out doing a secret task, maybe helping Nitta-sensei. But he isn't a strong disciplinarian like Nitta-sensei and Suzushiro-sempai, so odds are he'd be looking after those squatting in the lobby instead."

"That doesn't make much sense," Yue frowned. "If he's helping Nitta-sensei, why leave a fake behind? To fool those who come to his room? Why? Unless he's aware of the game and hid himself... but why to leave a copy that explodes after a kiss, in a game where the goal is to kiss him?"

"Maybe he wants to have you killed?" Kero guessed.

Yue and even Nodoka stared angrily at the backpack.

"It's only an idea," Kero said. "Evil mages come in all the sizes and shapes, and some play the innocent card easily! I remember one of the master's ex-girlfriends. Eva-something-or-other looked like a little girl about your size, Nodoka-chan. And there was this kid Master Clow met once. His name was Klarion..."

"Later," Yue said. "And keep quiet from now on. We're getting far too close to the lobby for comfort. The more we advance, the bigger the chances we're caught."

"Then why not to just turn back to your room and forget this?" Kero argued. "Card Captors need good solid nights of sleep to remain in the condition needed for the job!"

"We can't leave Negi-sensei abandoned to his luck here!" Nodoka replied. "S-S-Some of the girls might do things to him they'd regret later!"

"Or not, in Haruna's case," Yue muttered bitterly. "I swear, I don't want to see her again for the rest of the night..."

So naturally, after they turned another corner, Yue walked straight into a big pair of breasts. She jerked back, believing at first she had just stumbled into Haruka, but breathed easier when she noticed the smirking face with glasses looking down at her. "Oh! Oh, it's just... you."

"Paru!" Nodoka exhaled. "You had us scared for a moment!"

"Hey, so you two're playing after all!" Haruna said. "Good, good! I asked Asakura to tell you if she saw you. Librarian Power, Full Throttle now! The Dynamic Trio is reunited, and nothing can stop our combined might!"

"Keep it down!" Yue gestured angrily. "You'll wake up the rocks! And where's Ku Fei, anyway? Asakura told us she was playing with you."

Haruna rolled her eyes innocently. "She became sleepy and abandoned the game."

Nodoka and Yue glared sternly at her.

Sheepishly, Haruna finished, "Because I blew Black Rose Paralysis Dust in her face."

"PARU!" Nodoka gasped.

"You really need to stop listening to that crazy aunt of yours," Yue chided her.

"Hey, I did it for you two!"

"You realize Ku-san will pummel you as soon as she can move again, right?" Ayase asked.

Haruna put a hand on her own heart. "Worth every painful punch and kick! Anything for my friends!"

Then a card slipped out of her robes and onto the floor. Haruna gulped while Yue picked it up and looked up and down it. It featured a miniature Haruna in an adorable penguin costume. "Let me guess, you kissed a Negi-sensei, and he exploded in your face leaving this behind, didn't he?"

Haruna had to nod.

"So much for the noble, sacrificing friend leaving Negi-sensei to Nodoka," Yue grumbled.

"It was an accident!" Haruna cried.

"You don't look too shocked after the fact," Nodoka observed.

Haruna scoffed. "Please. My Dad changes genders on contact with water, Uncle Gosunkugi uses voodoo magic, and you wouldn't believe all the magical trinkets Granny Cologne keeps in her closet. I'm sure one of our classmates is a mage and used her powers to create slave copies for her sexual pleasure."

"You think so because it's what you'd do!" Yue barked.

"Guilty," Haruna confessed before moving on, undeterred. "I'm almost sure it's Iincho. Hinamori Misato from Class 1-A came up with this fascinating theory about her family's wealth coming from Sat—" She paused. "By the way, how did you know what happened to me? Don't tell me..."

Nodoka pushed a hand into Yue's backpack and timidly pulled her own Suka card out. Haruna whistled. "Whooo-whooo, you too, Nodo-chan! That's my girl! Now let's hunt for the real deal!"

Yue opened her mouth to protest, but closed it back just as quickly. "Oh, what the— Alright. Let's just get over with this fast."

...

**Misora and Ayaka Meet the Souless Paper Monster!**

"Hello! I'm Mugi Springfield!"

Misora and Ayaka both blinked, puzzled, as the boy they had been looking for stepped in their way, sporting a large, innocent smile.

"Mugi?" Misora asked, wondering if she had heard him wrong. However, Ayaka paid no further attention to it and all but pushed her aside, making her quick way to the fake Negi's front. "Ah! N-Negi-sensei! It's good to see you here, but... what are you doing out so late?"

"On patrol. On patrol. On patrol!" he repeated peppily.

The Class Rep stood in further confusion over his strange behavior, but she got over it quickly. "W-Well, it's great to see you're so responsible, but—!"

"But you just go back and rest!" Misora laughed, grabbing him by an arm and beginning to drag him away from Ayaka. "You need a full night's worth of sleep! There, there, Misora-Sis will tuck you safely in bed—!"

"No need to bother, Kasuga-san!" Ayaka grabbed him by the other arm. "I'm sure I'm better qualified for this!"

"I live with Cocone-chan! I know everything about putting ten year olds to sleep!"

"From what I've heard, it's her who puts you to sleep!" Ayaka hissed.

"Don't you have to go babysit Makie?" Misora growled.

"You know Makie-san was... I mean, don't change the subject!" Ayaka roared. "You only want to take Negi-sensei with you to take advantage of his innocence!"

"Oh, and you don't?-!" the other girl yelled. Mugi kept on looking back and forth between them.

"Of course I don't!" Ayaka was out of herself now. "All I wish for is a chaste and pure kiss!" Then she blushed and covered her mouth with both hands, realizing she had betrayed herself before her time. "Oh!"

Mugi looked up at her. "Do you want to kiss me, Iincho-san?"

"Ah, ah, well, I, I, I mean, you! And me! No, well, yes, but... Yes!" Ayaka took the plunge. "Negi-sensei! You'd make me the happiest woman in the world if you honored me with the touch of your lips on mine! Because my love for you knows no bounds!" she proclaimed grandly as Misora groaned. "For you, I'd risk my reputation, my position, my prestige! Yes! I cannot hide it any longer! I love you, and have loved you even more since I learned the huge weight you carry selflessly on your shoulders!"

Misora blinked. "Wait, no, what..?-!"

Mugi spoke again. "Ah. Then, you _do_ want to kiss me."

Ayaka gained a lovable pink flush and nodded shyly.

The clone smiled again. "Okay!"

"OKAY?-!" Misora screamed.

"Okay... Okay?-!" Ayaka echoed, just as bewildered.

"Iincho-san is a good person. I like Iincho-san a lot. Like my sister. She is good, too!"

Misora sweatdropped. "Negi-kun, it isn't that kind of love..."

Ignoring her altogether, Ayaka fell to one knee in front of Negi, with wet eyes and a languid smile. "Oh, my beloved. Your kind words fill my heart with infinite joy. No matter the taboos our relationship might have, I pledge myself yours!"

"You're going too fast! WAY too fast!" Misora cried.

Barely bothering to push her aside with a twist of her hips, the heiress grabbed Mugi's face firmly between both hands and pulled his mouth to her hungry one, kissing him with wild, passional abandon, the kind you definitely should never devote any ten year old.

Misora gasped loudly, as her world shattered...

And then Mugi exploded in Ayaka's face.

...

**Double Interlude: Nitta and Negi.**

Nitta-sensei finished his brief stop to text message the beautiful young woman who had stolen his heart at Mahora, sighing melancholically to himself before reassuming his patrol. He stalked the inn's halls silently, each step measured and even, every glimpse in each direction calculated and precise.

_In Mahora, Panty took a second from her violent shooting of a Hollow to look at her newest message. Her face scrunched in disgust. "Ugh, it's that guy again. Why is it that some men just can't understand the 'one' in 'one night stand'?"_

_Stocking shrugged while slicing the Hollow's head off with her striped blades. "I take it he isn't a Math teacher? Oh, look! This one was worth twelve Heaven Coins!"_

Nitta stopped when he heard soft steps down the hall. His back against a wall, he got ready to strike as soon as the two people around the corner ran into him. One of them was trying to comfort the other one, who was obviously worried and shocked. They sounded like Ayase-kun and Miyazaki-kun. He'd never have pegged them as troublemakers, but then again, Ayase did hang out with those irresponsible 'Baka Rangers'...

Then he felt a blur of motion slid to his side from behind. Before he even could see who it was, two fingers struck at very precise points of his neck. Nitta felt himself faint, losing consciousness as he fell into the arms of his attacker.

Golden, quiet eyes looked at him. A petite, light form dragged his much bigger one along to a nearby broom closet before the girls could see them. "You won't interfere with destiny," Zazie Rainyday whispered as she dragged him into a closet. "Sorry. Poyo."

Nodoka and Yue walked past the closet, oblivious to what had been hidden inside. "A-A-A-A-Are you sure that wasn't the real him...?" Nodoka was stammering with a shaky voice.

"I'm pretty sure real boys don't explode when they're kissed," Yue deadpanned. "We saw Makie kissing him early yesterday, and nothing happened then, right? Let's just find the real Negi-sensei and ask for a good explanation from him..."

Elsewhere, the real Negi, on patrol across the opposite end of the inn, rubbed his nose. "It's strange," he mused. "I felt a sudden urge to sneeze, but it seems it's gone now..."

"Save it for when there are girls around!" Chamo chirped from his shoulder.

"That's not funny," the boy said. "By the way, are you sure we should be patrolling around here? I have a hunch we're more likely to find intruders outside. Wouldn't it better to catch them _before_ they can get in?"

"Erebus-Bro and his girls are watching the outside!" Chamo reminded him. "Your job's to be the second line of defense, and for that, you must be alert in case anyone slips past the outer defenses!"

"Yes, you're right," the teacher nodded, wand in hand. "Are you sure you don't smell anything yet?"

Chamo sniffed the air and frowned. No smells of girls anywhere near. "No," he grumbled.

"Why so angry, then?" asked Negi. "That's a good thing!"

"Err... yeah, of course. I'm just annoyed, um, we won't be able to catch them for good at this rate. Ha, ha! I'll bet they're dead scared of us!" he faked a boast before pointing in another direction. "By the way, since there's nothing to see or find here, why if we start covering that area?"

"Sounds good. Let's go," Negi began to walk that way.

...

**The Recording**

Bruce Wayne sat in his room with the lights out, only his laptop's screen and a Bat-light placed on the floor next to him providing him with any illumination.

"Are you getting all of this?" he asked Batgirl via his Bat-secured radio Bat-headpiece.

"Yeah. Pretty freaky stuff, right?" Barbara Gordon's voice said. "Not as freaky as the girl who fell from space naked, sure, but still freaky. What kind of people stuffs a teenager in a spaceship naked? Couldn't they at least put a bodysuit on her?"

"Let Superman worry about that for now. Our talents are better employed here."

"Got it, Boss. The stram's transferring to the Batcave's databanks as we speak. Do you think those kids really mean good news?"

"Misguided as they are, I don't think there's criminal intent in their actions. Except for the girl who knocked that teacher out from behind. I want a checkup on her background."

"Boss, they want to _go and kiss a ten year old child_. There's Joker creepy, and then there's that," Barbara said.

_Somewhere, Joker shuddered. "A Bat agreed with me on something… Yup, definitely impeding end of the world coming up…"_

"Japan is... like that," Bruce half-cringed, remembering his youthful days studying at that dojo in the Nerima ward. His eyes went to the section of the split screen showing Haruna alongside Nodoka and Yue. "There's something familiar about this girl..."

"The short one with long hair? She seems your type, since I haven't seen her smiling since this started," Barbara said.

"Hnngh. No, I mean the tall one with glasses. She also reminds me of one of the masked girls in the train station last night. The one with the supernatural drawing set. Possibly sisters, or even the same person with a wig and a costume."

"Okay. Let's see, earlier you told me you managed to find out from the staff the they were Class 3-A of the middle school from Mahora Academy." Barbara ran a checkup on her data. "I just got the full download of the info on them. They have horribly hard to crack computers for a school. But there's not much on them, actually, so I wonder why the secrecy. Just names, pictures, and some basic data. The kind all good private academies keep on their students, and nothing else. This is the one?" She sent him a full profile picture of Haruna along, which appeared as a pop-up between camera shots.

The Bat's eyes narrowed. _"Saotome Haruna."_

"So you know her."

"I knew her parents. I left them shortly before she was born."

"God, I hope this isn't one of those soap opera-like things when you were having an affair with the wife of the Dojo's owner, and that girl really turns out to be your—"

"Not funny. At all."

"I know, I know. Sorry, it was a rather decadent joke."

"And she isn't the Dojo owner's daughter. At least not the owner it had when I studied there. She's his granddaughter."

"Ah. The daughter of his son, or his daughter?"

"His daughter's. Tendo Soun never had any sons."

"So that guy's daughter was around your age back then, right?"

"Yes. A couple years younger, actually, but close enough."

"You sure that really isn't your daughter over there? Because I can see a resemblance on the driven, near maniacal with determination eyes she has..."

" _Really_ not funny, Barbara..." There was a growl. Even all this time, he suppressed a shudder. The idea of being involved with _any_ of the Tendo sisters…

No. Just… no. Well, not 'just' no. Bloody HELL NO!

Even after all this time, he could still remember the explosions, the constantly having to evade water and random martial artists…

Unbidden, the old Nerima adage came back to his lips. "Saotome Ranma," he muttered. " _Somehow_ this is all your fault…"

...

**Kiss of the Leopard!**

Even after having her face covered by the dirt that had blown everywhere after the fake Negi exploded, as soon as Ayaka regained her eyesight and recovered from her shock, the first thing she did was scrambling around frantically for her darling precious. "Oh my God! Negi-sensei! Negi-sensei! Where are you?-! What happened to you?-! Are you okay?-!" She turned to a pale, terrified Misora, who had fallen on her butt into a corner, panting loudly. "Kasuga-san! What happened to Negi-sensei?-!"

"I-I don't know!" the runner babbled. "He was there, and then you kissed him, and then poof!"

"Poof?"

"Poof!" Misora repeated. "You saw it!"

"Yes, but where did he go after that?-!" Ayaka yelled at her.

"I don't know!" Misora yelled back. "He just vanished away, fine?-!"

"That's simply ridiculous! People just can't vanish in thin air! Admit it, you just fainted while he ran away! Oh dear, I went too fast! I scared him, and most likely he'll never forgive me now!" the Class Rep lamented. "I should have known this would happen! Oh, the sincerity of my heart has betrayed me! Negi-sensei wasn't emotionally prepared for the onslaught of my feelings yet!"

"I was trying to tell you that from the start!" Misora stomped a foot down, before noticing two things at Ayaka's feet. One of them was a small paper doll with Negi's handwriting on it, and another one was a Pactio card of sorts. She picked them up, and inspiration struck her as she looked at the doll. Ah, Ala Alba had mentioned something like that when narrating the tale about that woman with glasses' attack. She was an user of paper charms that took lives of their own...

Noticing Misora's distraction, Ayaka snatched the card from her hand and checked it herself. It made her coo.

The card showed a Super Deformed Ayaka wearing a leopard costume, which made her look like an adorable but hideously ridiculous childlike critter. The Ayaka in the card had one paw near her mouth, and seemed to be laughing in a clearly Ojou-ish way.

Misora looked at it over Iincho's shoulder. "Ah, now I get it, That is... It has to be..."

Ayaka bit her lower lip and made a delirious sound of joy. "NEGI-SENSEI HAS DRAWN THIS LOVELY TRIBUTE TO ME, IN HIS CHARMING CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE!"

Misora facefaulted.

...

**Chizuru's Trump Card!**

Chizuru backed away slowly on slightly shaky knees, much to Natsumi's dumbfounded shock. Negi kept on advancing at her in turn, a tiny, goofy smirk on his mouth. The scene was simply too bizarre. The innocent and virginal Negi, closing in on the unflappable and always in control Chizu-nee, both looking as if they had just traded roles.

"What... What are you doing, Sensei?" Chizuru attempted to laugh. "Th-This is quite the silly joke, cut it out..."

Negi puckered his mouth.

Natsumi gasped. "N-Negi-sensei! May… maybe you should...!"

Chizuru grabbed him by the shoulders to stop him. "Sensei! I think there has been a terrible misunderstanding here! Surely you misheard me when I said—"

"Kiss, kiss, kiss," the copy repeated in a monotone.

Natsumi trembled while Chizuru sweatdropped and blushed a little. "Ara, ara! I never had you pegged as this type, Sensei! I must say I feel flattered you find me so... attractive, but the truth is..."

"Kiss," he said again, stubbornly marching forward, pushing with surprising strength for someone as small as him. With a short yelp, Chizuru slipped, one of her slippers rubbing the wrong way against the wooden floor and getting caught between two of its planks. She fell on her butt, and since she still was holding onto Negi, she brought him down with her.

Now he was all over her, his hands planted on the floor, at either side of her head. His face hovered over hers, his gaze vacant and glassy, his breath blowing softly and erratically on her features. "Kiss."

She squirmed uncomfortably, almost panicking, which made Natsumi really feel like she was hallucinating. Even then, the actress felt part of her own heart shattering.

But it was normal, after all. Why wouldn't Negi-sensei pick Chizu-nee over her? She was perfect in all ways, while Natsumi herself was only... a zero. A side character. Someone to be paired off with the heroes ineffectual sidekick. The support character to Chizuna's main heroine, without even enough character development and depth to fill a wiki page. The pieces of her heart stung inside of her chest as she felt them falling one by one.

"Y-You mustn't!" Chizuru babbled. "I'm your... Your student!"

Then he lowered his mouth on hers. Chizuru's eyes bugged out, only to be briefly blinded a second later when the boy kissing her exploded in her face.

Natsumi yelped shrilly, stumbling back as well, and rubbing at her eyes until she could see a stunned Chizuru sitting there on the floor before her, with a paper doll in one hand and a strange card in the other, and looking back and forth between them. "Chizu-nee! Are you okay? And w-where did Negi-sensei go?-!"

"He never was here, Natsumi-chan," Chizuru spoke in a small and absent voice, almost sounding sad now.

"Eh?" the actress said.

Chizuru only smiled and handed her the card. "And even so, he left something for me. Look at this! Adorable, don't you think?"

Natsumi stared at the card with scrunched eyebrows. "Someone drew you here as a cow on two legs? That's very insulting. Doesn't look like anything Negi-sensei would do..."

Chizuru's smile widened as she took the card back, holding it against her large chest. "No, not something _he_ would do," she agreed. "But a gift I'll treasure anyway."

"C-Chizu-nee...!"

"Now, let's get one of these for yourself, Natsumi-chan!"

"Eh? Can't we just go sleep already?"

...

"W-What the hell is this?-!" Madoka poked a finger at the TV screen. "How come they're all kissing Negi at the same time? And then he explodes! Freakin' EXPLODES! What is happening here?-!"

"Step aside, Madoka-chan," asked Sakurako. "You're blocking the view."

"Yeah, we can't tell you what's going on if you don't let us see," Mana said.

Madoka obeyed, but still kept on shouting a storm. "How can you guys be so casual about it?-!"

"Maybe Asakura-san set up dolls that explode...?" Satsuki guessed.

"What kind of doll walks around and talks like those?" Madoka pointed back at the TV.

"I don't know, but it's very entertaining!" Sakurako giggled. "A pity about Misa-chan, though!"

"I'm sure everything will be explained once the game's over!" Chao said peppily. "Meanwhile, just sit back and enjoy the show! Who wants more nikkuman?"

"I do, I do!" Sakurako raised a hand.

"Why were Miyazaki-san and Ayase-san talking to Ayase-san's backpack before running into Saotome-san?" wondered Chachamaru.

Evangeline shrugged lazily. "Maybe Ayase drank the _really wrong_ kind of juice, and Miyazaki's playing along. Who cares? I just want to see another beating."

"Oh, look!" Sakurako chirped. "Negi-sensei's heading for the lobby!"

"You sure that's the real Negi?" asked Madoka.

"Well, he's the only one so far carrying his stick, at least," Mana pointed out. "Looks like the endgame's near, one way or another."

"You're right!" Sakurako pointed at other two divisions of the screen. "The Library Trio and Suzushiro-sempai are going the same way from opposite directions! They'll run into each other in no time!"

"Shouldn't the Librarians be disqualified?" Madoka asked. "They're going in a trio, not a duo..."

"That hardly matters anymore!" Chao waved a hand. "Let's see if they survive it first!"

A collective beat.

"Did Suzushiro-sempai just leave Ku Fei twitching on the floor?" Madoka pointed at the top left corner.

Sakurako took another look. "Looks that way, but she at least was nice enough to leave her a pillow and a blanket..."

...

**Interlude: My Little Sister Can't be this Decadent**

_Mahora:_

"Okay, the Chiu homepage, I can understand it, I go there myself…"

"Shut up," Kirino growled, her gorgeous blue eyes raging. "Perv…"

"But reading this kind of stuff really is kinda too much, don't you think?" Kyousuke kept on looking over his younger sister's shoulder and at her computer screen. "Dad would disown you if he ever learnt—"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Kirino swung a fist into his stomach. Played for comedy, of course. We'd like to make that perfectly clear. Just as Ranma ½ and Love Hina were. So get your hands off those keyboards and read the original material before writing bash fics you morons!

Her roommate Saori sighed as she guided the gasping, choking, visiting young man to a chair. "Take it easy, Kyousuke-dono. It's only a hobby! I'm sure Kirino-chan doesn't really have any fantasies about having a younger sister to lie with-de gozaru!"

_Gainax, gainax…._

"O-Of course not!" Kirino angrily returned to her reading. "I only read it because of the Moe factor! Ah! Rin Onee-sama gently caressed Sakura's face as she took her from behind…"

"Rin?" Kyousuke scratched his chin. "Like my classmate Tohsaka Rin? Funny, she also has a younger sister named Sakura…"

"It's most likely only a coincidence," Saori smiled good naturedly. "Who'd be stupid enough to challenge the wrath of Tohsaka-dono by consciously using her name and her sister's-de gozaru?"

Elsewhere, Tohsaka Sakura slumped before her computer. "Blast. I was so entranced by my inspiration I forgot to edit the names before publishing! I'll have to change it before anyone happens to read it!"

Vigilante was disapprovingly shaking his head. "We need to find you another new hobby…"

"I can't help it! Darkenning-sama is so inspiring…!"

...

**A Winner is You!**

_The Inn:_

"No! Don't look at me like this!" Misa cried dramatically, shielding her face with a forearm as soon as she saw Negi walking into the lobby. "I never wanted you to see me in this, in my darkest hour, squatting on the cold floor of misery, surrounded by the pink haired shadows of misfortune!"

"Good evening, Misa-san," Negi bowed. "You have been studying your Dramatic Arts, I see..." he noted, mildly pleased.

She nodded. "I've decided I want to become a TV star."

"That's a commendable goal," he approved. "Why don't you ask Murakami-san for help?"

"I said I wanted to become a TV star, not an actress."

"But—"

"You haven't watched much modern TV shows, have you?" the girl asked. "Rest assured, actual dramatic training isn't needed... it's kinda like writing Twilight, or Eragon."

"Ah." Deciding to cut that venue of conversation there, Negi smiled at the three other girls there. "Good evening, Sasaki-san, Fumika-san, Fuuka-san." He blinked at the twins. "Ah! What happened to y—"

"Head on crash with the Suzushiro Express," Fuuka groaned, rubbing her swollen cheek up and down.

Negi tightened a fist, silently vowing revenge against she who had dared harm His Students... until he remembered she was a student as well. Not from his homeroom, true, but still, he taught her classes twice each week. Okay, bloody revenge was definitely out. But he'd still do something drastic and very demonstrative of his anger over the whole incident.

He'd chide her! Maybe for as long as five full minutes! That would surely teach her!

"Negi-kun, haven't they found you yet?" Makie asked from her own squatting position.

"Who?" Negi asked back, growing concerned. Surely, his Ministra would have used the cards to contact him if something bad had happened, but...

Misa elbowed Makie in the stomach. "Shut up! Don't fill his head with things he doesn't need to worry about!" Then she smiled very sweetly at Negi. "Never mind that, Negi-kun! It's just a childish game they were playing!"

"Hey, _you_ were playing too!" Fuuka accused. "Stop playing the Cool Big Sis who's above everything!"

Negi blinked twice. "Okay, what—?"

Misa coughed loudly. "Like I said, it's nothing important right now anyway. Now, why don't you sit here and help us pass our time in our hour of need? My legs are feeling numb, and they need a massage..." she purred.

"Not fair!" Fumika cried.

"You were already eliminated!" Makie yelled.

"If that's the way you're going to play it, I can kiss him too!" Fuuka added.

"Kiss? Kissing?-!" Negi backed away. "Exactly what kind of game were you playing?-!"

The ermine on his shoulder tried to whistle innocently.

Then the nearby doors leading to a side hall flew open, and Suzushiro Haruka stormed in, slamming it close behind herself and breathing heavily. "Finally! There you are, Negi-sensei! Now I can chop this whole problem at its roots!"

"Ah! The Vice President came for a kiss, too!" Makie gulped.

"So that's why you were putting so much zeal into beating us!" Fuuka said. "You're trying to win the game your own perverse way!"

Haruka said nothing, but scowled fiercely and held a pillow up. Fuuka and Fumika cowered on the spot.

"Suzushiro-san!" Negi walked up to her. "As Homeroom Teacher for 3-A, I'd like to know why you applied so much force on—!"

Right at that decisive moment, the doors flew wide open, roughly pushed from the other side and hitting Haruka in the butt. With a yelp, the blond girl stumbled ahead, losing her balance and falling forward...

Saotome Haruna stood at the doorstep now, grinning madly, with Nodoka and Yue closely behind her. "We did it! After combing through the whole building, we found the last possible place where Negi-sensei could be! I'm sure this is it! Nodo-chan, I have guided you straight to victory...!"

Then she noticed Yue and Nodoka's faces had became stark white. The nearby seated Makie, Misa, Fuuka and Fumika had similar expressions of horror etched on their faces.

Haruna followed their horrified gazes down. First she saw Haruka's butt thrust up in an uncomfortable position, her skirt disarrayed by her fall, exposing part of her panties. Then she saw the rest of Haruka was splayed all over Negi's body, pinning it down against the floor. Both the boy's face and Suzushiro's were bright crimson, and their eyes looked like baseballs. Their lips were clumsily smashed together.

"... Or maybe not," Haruna cringed. "Ooooooooops!"

Then a flash of light filled the whole room.

...

**Busted!**

"Well, that was one long sweet stretch of useful nothing," Chisame yawned as she, Hakase and Matoi returned to the Inn, sneaking the way Ala Alba had suggested to avoid detection.

"On the other hand, we _were_ supposed to find nothing at all," Hakase offered. "It would have been highly troublesome if we had run into any adversaries while on our own, don't you think?"

"Yeah, sure," Chisame conceded. "Nearby Ala Alba or not, those creeps might have struck us down before we were able to call for help..."

"Don't undersell ourselves, Chisame-sama," asked Tsunetsuki. "We held our own in that battle, as well! I'm sure you'll become just a good a Heroine of Justice as Other Chisame-sama and her friends...!" she swooned.

"Leaving aside the fact _I don't want to_ , the other me isn't much of a Heroine of Justice. She said so herself, she likes to stay away from fighting. Which makes me wonder what the hell I was doing out there," Chisame snarked. "I'm just glad our shift is over. It's way too late, and even if I go to sleep now, I'll feel like crap tomorr—" Then she felt something strange, as if her scepter was pulsing.

"Throbbing phallic object in Chisame-sama's small, fragrant hand!" Matoi started. "What are these strange sensations that wrap me upon this sig—" Hakase silenced her with a huge metal hand clasped around her mouth and most of her head.

Scowling, Chisame activated the virtual scepter and summoned her sprites. "Report," she asked.

"We detect the presence of active electronics that weren't there when we went out, Mother!" Nene said.

"A quick trace on their activity timeframe indicates they were set up two minutes after we left the area," Boku added. "Further research reports the device whose signal we're tracking is a set of hidden cameras installed into the upper layers of that wall, two inches below the ceiling."

Chisame's body grew tense, and her previous boredom was replaced by a state of alert. "Track the camera's signals back to its origin source!" she hissed.

"Roger!" Coco said. "It is very easy, actually! The person responsible for this clearly didn't know a lot about covering their tracks... We have located the source of that and around fifteen other cameras set across the building to Room 24!"

"24?" Hakase blinked. "Which was that one, again?"

Matoi looked at the map of the Inn Chamo had given them for their vigilance purposes, and her face melted into a frown. "Your classmate, Nosy Pineapple-san's."

Chisame's hand immediately gripped the scepter so hard, tiny fissures appeared all over its surface.

...

**Sakurako's Gamble**

The girls gathered at Satsuki and Chao's room stared blankly at the TV screen.

After a long, long while of perplexed staring, Madoka turned to look at her longtime friend. "Dammit, Sakurako!" she said.

"Not my fault!" Shiina held her hands up. "I only threw in a wild guess!"

Kaede actually half-opened her eyes. "Oh, look. Vice President-dono just got up from Negi-bouzou..."

Half a second later, a hideous scream that was barely coherent shook the whole Inn.

" _What the hell was that?" Barbara asked, startled._

_Bruce closed his eyes in not-all-that-fond remembrance. "That was the outraged scream of a teenaged girl who's been kissed against her will."_

" _How can you tell?"_

" _You mean other than from all the times we run into teenaged girls who are being kissed against their will while we're on patrol?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _You_ ** _don't_** _want to know. Be glad it wasn't a Chinese Amazon."_

_"Chinese Amazon?"_

_"You_ **_DON'T_ ** _want to know…"_

"She took it better than I expected," Mana commented.

"We should split the heck outta here before Nitta goes there storming the place, learns about everything, goes to pick us off one by one, and learns we aren't in our rooms," Madoka swallowed hard, standing up and reaching for her slippers. "Don't you agree, Sakurako? Mana? Kaede?"

Satsuki pointed at the spot where Kaede had been only seconds before. "Kaede-san already left..."

"Yikes, she really _is_ a ninja!"

"She's also _really_ a Baka, since this is _her_ room too…" Mana supplied.

...

**Interlude: Casting Shadows**

_Mahora_.

"We'll meet for drinks again tomorrow, won't we, Kuzuki-sensei?"

"Certainly, Akashi-sensei," the older, more formal man bowed respectfully before following his own way, disappearing soon into the darkness.

Akashi Wataru had known Kuzuki Souichirou for a few years now, and while they never had been particularly close, Kuzuki had been his favorite drinking partner after Takahata left the habit. He was, after all, the kind of man who was extremely difficult to get drunk, always paid his part, and never became annoying, unlike Itoshiki, who, if anything, was much more obnoxious sober than inebriated.

The older teacher and he had been assigned to campus watch duty while the classes were in their trips, but their turns had ended hours ago, and both men took the chance to go drink a little since they wouldn't have any classes the next day. They had actually ended up drinking less than originally expected, so Akashi was sure he wasn't hallucinating when he saw the woman on his way back.

She wore a dark purple hooded ensemble that hid all of her body but her pale and delicate hands filled with rings, and the lower half of her face, which showed a perfect, enticing set of red lips. And she was coughing up dark blood, dragging herself across the narrow path to the teacher's residential area.

Being a Japanese gentleman, he rushed to her rescue.

"My God! Don't move! I'll call on an ambulance!"

Then he saw, upon a closer inspection, her robes were tinted with fresh blood, but she had no wounds on her. And no one could have coughed that much blood up. So that meant…

As if reading his thoughts, she spoke with a haunted, raspy and exhausted voice. "I have just killed my Master. While it was in self defense, that matters nothing now. I will perish soon, as well. Leave, stranger. Let me vanish from this world in peace."

She had to be delirious. The man with glasses crouched down next to her, and she weakly tried to push him away, to no avail. The woman trembled when he pulled her hood back, allowing her light blue hair fall around her face, framing it, and her pointy ears showed up, making him gasp.

"I am…" she coughed again, "Servant Caster, summoned to this world to fight in the Holy Grail War. However, my Master was far more interested on sating his lowly appetites than achieving the Grail. I endured his abuse until this night, and while I die unfulfilled, I only regret not doing it earlier. Walk away, good sir, and forget you ever met me. Let the world forget me, and my spirit to rest into—"

"Hush," he picked her up in his arms, gently. "Don't strain yourself. I'll take you to a doctor, they'll know what to do…"

"No human physician can save me," she said. "As a Servant, I am—"

"That's nonsense," he interrupted her once more, rushing down the path. "The last Grail War was ten years ago, and the next one won't happen for five decades more."

She blinked. "Oh. A practitioner of magic, I see…"

"Yes," he said stoically.

She paused before saying, "Then there is something you can do to preserve my existence in this world, if your heart truly wishes so. There is a ritual that can—"

"Sorry, but I'm a mage, not a magus," he said, regretfully. "I know about the Grail Wars, but not about how to fight in one."

"I could teach you."

He almost begged. "No. I told you, stop talking. I can't do anything that risky. I have a daughter, and—"

She coughed even more violently, staining his shirt. She wouldn't last enough to be brought to a hospital, and even if she did, no doctor could even diagnose her correctly. Other mages would most likely allow her to die, or take advantage of her for their own ends. No one wanted Servants and a Grail War on their doorstep, except for those with their eyes on the prize.

"Caster-san," he said.

"Yes?"

"Other than those rituals, there is another way to recharge your mana, one that even neophytes can perform, isn't there?"

"You're a good man, I can tell. You shouldn't stain your still pure hands with the blood of innocents…"

"I meant a way other than that, Caster-san."

"Oh. Oh, well, I suppose we could try to learn if it still could work…"

...

**Haru Haru Power!**

"What was that whole light show?" Fumika wondered, trying to rub the dancing spots out of her eyes.

Misa, who knew the signs of a Pactio kiss when she saw them by now, groaned inwardly, cursing the addition of yet another competitor to the race. But when had Chamo drawn the circle? She couldn't see it anywhere, either...

"Haa, maybe it's only Asakura's way of spicing things up after a victory flag is hit," Fuuka reasoned, blinking a few times to clear her eyesight. "Never mind that, just look at the V.P.!"

Haruka had started sputtering, spitting all across the floor, wiping her mouth off with a sleeve, and choking on her saliva all at once. Her just formerly red face had lost all color, gaining a cadaveric paleness surpassing Itoshiki's. "Gross! Gross!" she repeated. "Your mouth tastes like rancid milk!"

"Well, at least, she's obviously not interested!" As always, Makie tried to see the bright side.

Misa snorted. "Those who act like they hate it are always the ones ending up loving it the most!"

"Come on, that only happens in anime," Fuuka disagreed.

"Says you," the cheerleader said before addressing Haruka. "There's no reason to so melodramatic V.P.! We should be the ones in shock!"

"Well, Negi-sensei is," Fumika pointed to their paralyzed, spasming at random, softly sobbing to himself, teacher.

Yue turned cold eyes at the mangaka. "Ha... Ru... NAAAA!"

"I'm honestly sorry! It wasn't my intention at all!" Haruna tried to apologize. "You know I'm saying the truth, right, Nodo-chan! You know I'm 1000% Sparkling behind you! It's just that accidents _do_ happen! Just ask Rito-kun! And—" She noticed something on the floor and picked it up.

It was a card showing a picture of Haruka wearing a skintight green and white battle suit of sorts that accentuated her upper torso, and holding a spiked ball and chain weapon that looked intimidating as hell. Her name was written in Latin in an elegant font: _Suzushiro Haruca_. Under that, someone had written in smaller letters, _Ferrarius Praesidere_.

"What is this?" Haruna mused. "Hey, come to think about it, it's just like the card I just got, but much cooler looking! You get the real deal when you kiss the right Negi, isn't it?"

"DON'T TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" Yue and Haruka said at once.

"This is all your fault!" said Yue.

"Perverting minors, and pushing your own friends and sempai into vice!" said Haruka.

"You broke Nodoka's heart twice in one day!" Yue accused.

"I'll have you sternly punished for this!" Haruka promised.

"You're a bad friend!" Yue again.

"Trying to sabotage my prestige and lawless record!" Haruka again. "That's it! Fujino Shizuru sent you to ruin me, didn't she?"

"I think you mean 'flawless' not 'lawless'," Haruna corrected before holding up a hand. "Could I say a few final words?"

"Make them brief," Haruka and Yue echoed each other.

"Gladly," Paru smiled, grabbed Negi by the shoulders, and offered him to Nodoka. "Well, after going so far for it, the least we can do is going the rest of the way, right, Nodo-chan? Come and claim your prize!"

Yue, Yue's backpack, Haruka, the twins, Misa, Makie, and most specially Nodoka all sweatdropped.

"Well?" Haruna urged. "Tell him what you were going to tell him in the park!"

Nodoka's mouth moved wildly, but made no sounds.

Haruna frowned. "Come on, Nodo-chan! It isn't the end of the world if someone else got there first! Very often, last served equals last standing! Be brave! Trust yourself! You know you want to!"

"N-n-N-n-No!" the shy girl stuttered. The panicked way Negi looked at her was a complete turn-off and only made her feel like a heel.

"Haruna, stop trying to force Nodoka!" Yue ordered. "Let her go at her own pace!"

"Shouldn't you all be squatting already?" Haruka growled.

A petrified Negi found himself only able to constantly mutter, "No fighting, no fighting…"

_In another universe, a worried, superhero Emiya Shiro sneezed._

"Nodo-chan, tell him how you feel for him!" Haruna all but pleaded. "There's no point in hiding it anymore! Take a risk, please! Or else someone will beat you to it! You've seen what these girls are able of! Even abusing their authority to place themselves in the right place at the right time!"

"I HAVEN'T ABUSED MY AUTHORITY FOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT!" Haruka shouted. "YOU SLAMMED A DOOR ON MY BUTT FROM BEHIND!"

"I got there before any of you ever did!" Misa claimed.

"N-No, I can't do that!" Nodoka turned around, breathing violently and forcing her eyes away from Negi. "I can't like him like that! S-So I don't!" she denied.

Haruna's jaw slacked down. _Nodoka, you gorramn idiot,_ she thought.

"Oh. So you don't love him," Paru hissed.

"N-Not th-that way, no!" Nodoka insisted. Yue felt compelled to put a hand on her own face.

Haruna exhaled sadly. "I see. It's all been futile, then, since you won't even be honest to yourself..."

_I'm sorry, Nodo-chan. But you need... no, deserve... a hard lesson. You need to wake up._

"Haruna..." Yue began, unsure of what to say or how. "Nodoka... Don't..."

Recovering his wits, Negi decided he had to control the chaos as best as he could before they did something they'd regret. "Girls, now listen, okay? As your teacher, I feel I have to—"

The mangaka turned around and shook her head, sighing so hard it made Negi stop. "I really rooted for you, Nodo-chan. I had faith in you. I pushed you all the way, I got myself on Natsumi's– and by extension Chizune's– and Ku-chan's bad sides for you. I gave you all the advice I could time and time again, because I actually wanted to see you really happy for once, see? I wanted the best for you." Her voice cracked a bit. With the angle she was standing at and the way her head was tilted, and since she was much taller than everyone else not squatting in the room, only a confused Haruka could see the tiny tears in her eyes. "Despite my own feelings, I put yours above mine. I tried to. And even so, you reject a chance at happiness; you refuse to express your feelings. Okay. Suit yourself. It's your choice. Reap what you sow."

"Don't talk about it as if it's a saintly thing to do!" Haruka barked. "You're talking about kissing a child, remember?"

Haruna only looked down at Negi and smiled bittersweetly. "I have made my own decision."

The boy blinked. "Haruna-san, perhaps it'd be better if we all just—"

And then he was scooped up in Haruna's arms, and she planted her lips on his.

"Shit, not _this_ again," Misa cursed.

...

**No Escape!**

Asakura stared at the screens for a few moments before deciding it was time to cut and run.

Now that the Vice President herself had been involved, things would go south very quickly. Odds were someone would end up spilling the beans on the game, and she needed a good alibi by then. As she turned her computer off and shut and cut the camera systems off one by one as she went through the plan in her head again. And then the secondary backup plan in case that backup plan failed. She had heard New Zealand was pretty is time of the year, although she knew she'd have to use a fake name even there if she truly wanted to escape Iincho's wrath...

Well, she'd worry about that if push came to shove. Now all she had to do was to exit the room, enact her brilliant and highly complex excuse enabling her to defend and argue her innocence and complete lack of involvement, and then show up perfectly confused and puzzled at the lobby, saying how she had heard the screams all the way to her room, waking up alone. She had worried about her roommates, and so she had gone to check on all the noise, only to find herself faced with some immoral scene she had no knowledge whatsoever no matter what silly Makie-chan said...

_..._

She was so dead, she knew it.

Well, she'd face it with bravery. She had no regrets, giving it all for the inside scoop. Okay, and the lulz, in Internet terms.

It had been _so_ worth it!

Asakura breathed in and out and stepped out of the room, only to find herself staring into two fiery eyes behind round thick glasses.

"Ah, h-hello, Chisame-chan...! What are you doing up so late...? Why, that's a very cute dress you have on now... Have you noticed there are seven mice floating around your head?"

"I have..." Chisame crooned in a sinister, inhuman and very furious fashion. Hakase stood at her left, Tsunetsuki at her right. Neither of them looked exactly happy either.

"They located something... highly unusual while we patrolled around the Inn, checking for hidden communication and spy devices..." Hakase continued.

"All the signals we could track led here..." Matoi's voice sizzled dangerously.

Kazumi took a step back into her room. "They did? Ah, I wonder why! I've been sleeping all night long, and just woke up to some yells, and—"

Chisame grunted and tightened her grasp on her scepter. The mice's eyes began glowing, and Kazumi's surveillance system turned itself back on, showing several images and sequences of the whole last half hour in glorious incriminating detail.

Asakura laughed weakly. "Not in the face. Please?"

Chisame was in no mood to comply.

...

Kuro smirked as she listened to Calculator's report on events. "I win," she chirped.

...

**Negimagic Knight Rayearth**

_Tokyo Tower:_

A thin and pale boy around 12 had stepped in between Yukino and the blond girl from Ohtori, heatedly defending the latter.

Wait, exactly _when_ had a thin and pale boy around 12 stepped in between her and the blond girl from Ohtori, heatedly defending the latter? Yukino asked herself. He was a fast one, she had to admit it.

"I won't forgive you if you've done anything bad to Nanami-sama!" he chided them, his voice reaching a rapid pre-pubescent crescendo. Behind him, the Nanami girl and her three cronies stood looking indignant. A small crowd from the three visiting schools was gathering around them, making Yukino feel horribly mortified. "She's a frequent victim of envious and random attacks from those jealous of her beauty, but I'm not going to stand for that as long as I can help it!"

Kikukawa Yukino wasn't used to stand for herself, even against much younger kouhai. Normally, Haruka-chan always did that for her, but for now, Haruka-chan was miles away, and Aoi-chan obviously wasn't going to be of much help, only smiling while taking photos with her cellphone.

The thin red haired girl from CLAMP Gakuen, who was being chided along Yukino, only stared at the boy curiously, with a childlike expression of her own that somehow reminded Yukino of Negi Springfield-sensei. "Are you her boyfriend?"

"Yes!" the boy nodded proudly.

"EHHH! NO!-!-!" the 'Nanami' girl protested immediately. "Tsuwabuki-kun here is only my protege younger brother figure!"

The redhead with the pigtail turned her naive eyes to her. "Aren't you his protege instead? I mean, he's the one protecting you."

"It's a bit sad, to rely on a child for protection," Aoi observed. "And when I say a bit, I actually mean a lot."

"Silence, Mahora denizen!" Nanami threw the denomination like a scalding insult. To be honest, to many of the other students gathered, it counted as a perfectly valid insult. Mahora had... a special reputation all of its own. "You're obviously biased on the matter, defending your shy acting, but actually horrible behaving classmate!"

"... Yukino-san and me don't even attend the same classes!" Aoi said, as if she had just been insulted in a way the Mahora epithet hadn't come close to match. Yukino's self esteem plummeted past down the basement.

Then Yukino stiffened. She had just heard a desperate scream for help in her head.

She'd _heard_ of things like this…

_"Please help us... LEGENDARY MAGIC KNIGHTS!"_

And then she felt something tugging down on her feet from below, making her squeal in shock.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the pigtailed girl and the aloof blonde also being pulled down all of a sudden, yelling as they were swallowed down by some sort of strange flowing shadow that erupted from the ceiling around them, and only them. It all happened so fast they couldn't see exactly what it was, or how it was happening; just as soon as it started, they all were mid way into being sucked into... something... that had opened itself under them.

"HIKARU-CHAN!" a classmate of the redhead, a gorgeous taller girl with long blue hair, tried to grab her hand, but she failed to do so before the petite girl vanished from sight.

"NANAMI-SAMA!" the small blond boy, who was much closer to his beloved Sempai, managed to grab onto her right in time... only to be sucked down with her as well, despite her shrill protests to the contrary. Something like LEMME GO YOU IDIOT, although Yukino wasn't paying much attention, being too busy with her own predicament.

And then, just like that, as soon as they were swallowed by the liquid shadows, they just disappeared, and the floor returned to absolute normalcy. The assembled students and teachers gasped as a single being. One of the girls in Nanami's posse fainted. Or feigned fainting to look sympathetic and loyal and grab attention of her own, perhaps.

Aoi gasped hard, and then took more photos of the site of the disappearance. "This is SO going on my Facebook page!"

Three minutes later, however, a mage secretly on guard at the place barged in, erased everyone's memories of the incident, and herded them away so a proper investigation could take place...

_Mundus Magicus:_

The pale boy standing on top of the grassy hill shook his head softly, watching the pillar of light erupting from Zagato's fortress briefly, before dying back down like an extinguished fire.

"Lord Fate? Now what?" his follower asked.

"We report this incident and wait for instructions, that is all, Shirabe," he quietly said. "In the meanwhile, let Lord Zagato handle the consequences of his own actions, or pay for them... Oh, and get coffee, of course. _Coffee…_ "

Shirabe twitched. It was probably a bad sign for her that she was becoming sexually jealous of a beverage…

...

**Negi's Wife?-!**

Haruna's kiss was very unlike those from all the other girls Negi had kissed. The closest sensation was Misa's kiss, which had been more skilled and expert, but still lacking a few notches of Haruna's raw enthusiasm, and considering the nature of Misa's kiss, that was saying something indeed. Negi squirmed in her grasp, feeling a ringing inside of his head, and his breath beginning to falter.

As soon as Haruna broke the kiss, slurping their combined saliva stram, the card manifested itself. It showed her wearing an ensemble of light yellow apron over a long dark red dress, with a matching hat and tall boots. She was grinning, with a quill in onr hand and an open drawing booklet in the other. It read _Saotome Haruna. Fictrix Comica._

"Oh, I got one too!" the mangaka exclaimed. "So it wasn't only a fluke!"

Nodoka and Yue stood still with amazingly round eyes.

"Mine lasted longer," Misa deadpanned.

"I... I can't believe you just did _that_!" Yue said in disbelief.

"Then come and get yours too," Paru challenged. "It doesn't matter who goes first as long as we all come along!"

"There's something definitely wrong about that phrasing..." Haruka frowned.

"Don't I get a say in the matter?" a livid Negi asked.

Nodoka turned around and bit her lower lip. "I-I-I can't believe you, Haruna!"

The artist blinked, looking at Nodoka's face as best as she could from that angle, and catching a glimpse of her suddenly distraught state. "Nodo-chan? Hey, no need to take it that badly..." she said, trying to reach for her with a hand. "C'mon, you knew Makie-chan had kissed him before, too!"

"I still can't remember it!" Makie whined.

Yue slapped Haruna's hand away. "That's different! Her case wasn't a betrayal!"

"I wasn't betraying anyone! I was only showing Nodoka the way to go!" Haruna argued.

"The way to go straight to jail, you mean!" Haruka shook an angry finger at the doujin-ka. "You'll pay dearly for this, you… you deprived predater!"

"You mean 'depraved predator'," Fuuka pointed out.

"Same difference!" the blonde waved it off.

Paru sighed. "Yes, yes, I know. I know I deserve it, because I'm a horrible, evil being, a bad friend and a stain of scum on the sidewalk of life. I've heard that from my peers all through my life."

"For once we can agree on something," Yue said. "And what about poor Rito-san?"

Haruna flinched at those words, but kept on an upbeat face. "Rito-kun and me have a honest, open relationship! It was part and parcel of our agreement since Day One. Ah! I'd bet that stud is swooning them over at his trip right now!"

_At the same time, near Tokyo Disneyland:_

Rito sat next to Saruyama's hospital bed, signing the cast on the other boy's right leg. "I can't believe you still had the guts to keep on hitting on the Cinderella model even after she gave you the first three whacks."

"I think it impressed the Snow White model," Saruyama smiled goofily. "Do you think she'll come tonight to check on me?"

Rito looked all around. The room was completely empty except for the two of them. "I kinda doubt it."

"Will you stay over for the night?" The dark haired boy gave him wide Bambi eyes. "Bros before hos, Rito...!"

The orange haired teen sighed. "Alright, why not...?"

_Back at Kyoto:_

"Anyway, hopefully this has jolted you to full awareness of your place, Nodo-chan!" Haruna lectured. "If you snooze, you'll lose! And keep in mind the other girls will go even further! They'll use the tongue, even!"

"I know I did!" Misa nodded proudly, making Negi blush and Haruka gag again.

"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?-!" the blonde shouted.

It was too much for Nodoka, who simply turned and ran for her room as fast as her legs would carry her. "Ah, no! Don't just run like a coward, Nodoka!" Haruna tried to go after her. "That isn't the way to—"

Yue tripped her, then literally walked over her on her own way after her friend. "You aren't welcome in the bedroom tonight. You'll be squatting here until dawn anyway. But if I can't get Nodoka to cheer up, you'll be left out tomorrow, too," she promised.

"You should squat too!" Haruka told her. "You're out of your room after curfew! You— You—!"

Yue shot her a cold glare. "At least I haven't kissed a teacher, and a child at that, yet. Who deserves to squat the most, Vice President-san?"

"That... was... an... acci... dent!" Haruka's mind crashed again, before she just collapsed down on wobbly knees.

Haruna groaned from her position, face-first on the floor. "You know, those fans at the last con were right. Having a girl walk all over you is kinda kinky and—"

For emphasis, Yue pressed her feet down on Haruna's head until she yelped. Only then did Ayase walk away, slamming the door close behind herself.

Haruna tried to get up, but Haruka only slammed a foot of her own on her back to keep her down. The twins, Misa and Makie cheered. Negi only moaned in exhausted defeat. "No fighting... please..."

_In another universe… you know the drill by now._

The Student Council member huffed and crouched down to snatch her own Pactio card away. "I'll take this, thanks! It'll be solid proof for the Dean about your crimes once we return to the Academy!"

"Why not just blow the whistle on her right now?" Fuuka asked eagerly. Her sister elbowed her in the stomach. "Ow! What?-!"

"You want to get Sensei into trouble too, Neechan?-!" Fumika hissed. "If that happens, the three of us will never be able to… you know…"

Haruka coughed uneasily. "Well... Negi-sensei seems to, indeed, be only a victim of the circustan— the circumtan— the circunstan— the facts of tonight!" she said. "I must admit it'd be difficult to explain that to Nitta-sensei, and it'd ruin the trip's mood for the rest of us, so I'll be lenient this once and wait to present the case directly to the Dean instead."

Negi sighed, somewhat relieved now. "Thank you so very much, Suzushiro-san..."

She rasped again and her face flushed pink. "Well, yes, about that. You'll understand, since you've taken my lips' virginity—"

Negi blinked a lot of times in two seconds. "W-What?-!"

"You never had kissed anyone before? At 17?" Fuuka marveled. "Don't you have any cousins or something?"

"SHUT UP!" Haruka snapped. "OR ELSE! PILLOW!"

Fuuka shrunk back behind Fumika, who sweated a single huge drop.

"Regardless!" Haruka huffed. "Since you've just tarnished the honor of a daughter of the Suzushiros, I demand compensation! A legal one, one that might be able to wash clean my damaged reputation and redeem me after this nefari— nefastious— neofarius— this horrible night!" she grew even more frustrated.

"I don't like the way this is going! At all!" Misa protested energetically.

"Too bad!" Haruka told her. "Negi-sensei!"

"Y-Yes?"

"As a gentleman and a man of honor, there's only one thing you can do now!"

"No! No! He isn't even a man yet!" Misa shouted.

"Oh, so you remember that _now_..." Fuuka snarked.

Negi blinked as Haruka grabbed his hands and fell to one knee before him, bowing her head, on which two huge veins forming a cross had just popped out. And then the older girl said the words everyone else in the hall had been dreading.

"MARRY ME!"

Elsewhere, specifically in a certain storm-wracked section of the Magical World, Yukino felt a chill run down her spine. Since she and the other girls chosen to become Magic Knights were busily hacking falling their way towards an almost sure splattering demise, she didn't really think too much of it.

...

**Promise**

"Nodoka?" Yue stepped warily into the darkened bedroom, tiptoeing her way around a beatifically sleeping Konoka. Asuna slept in the futon next to her roommate, somehow looking really tired for some reason, her arms wrapped around Konoka's shoulders protectively.

Nodoka sat before a window looking at the Moon, with the open Clow Book on her lap and The Windy in one hand. Kero sat on the floor next to her, glancing at her with a mix of confusion and concern, or at least Yue could guess as much on his plush face in the darkness.

"I'm sorry, Yue," Nodoka whispered.

"Eh? Why?" Ayase stopped in mid-room, blinking quickly.

"I've dragged you into my childish and hopeless love issues, causing you so many problems of your own, and yet you never complain, always at my side to help me," Nodoka rubbed one of her own eyes. "You don't deserve having to put up with all of this..."

"Don't say that!" said Yue. "We're more than friends, we're all but... sisters! No matter what happens, you'll never been a load to me. You're the only person who understands me, and as long as you're there for me, I'll do the same for you. And your case isn't hopeless at all! I know it in my heart, you're the one who deserves Negi-sensei the most, and vice-versa."

"If you want my opinion, you're both too young to worry about that yet, and even more so that boy," Kero said, with a small yawn. "You're going to be far too busy with the card hunting in the near future anyway, Nodoka, so it's better to get all distractions out of your way!"

"Don't say that," Yue chided him. "You can't possibly expect Nodoka to chuck all her dreams and ambitions of youth aside just to chase a path she never chose for herself, all in the span of a single night."

"It's okay. I can do both things," Nodoka softly decided, still staring at the Moon. "I'm sure I'll find the answer I'm looking for if I keep advancing without ever looking back. Haruna's right about something; I've spent far too long hesitating and waiting, while everyone else marched ahead. Even Murakami-san."

"Well, it's... good to know you realize that," Yue said doubtfully. "But don't let Haruna's actions cloud your judgment, okay? Tomorrow, we'll figure out what to do next, and then we'll get it right. We'll think both with heart and mind, and we'll leave nothing to chance this time– or Haruna. What do you say?"

Finally, Nodoka turned her head back to look at Yue. There was some redness in the eyes under her bangs, but much to Yue's relief, her small smile seemed sincere. "I say... it's an excellent idea, Yue-Yue. Thank you. Without you... I really don't know what I'd ever do."

Kero hummed. "Well, just in case... maybe it'd pay to keep an alternate romantic option on hand?"

"No," Yue said quickly. "Failure is not an option."

"Wrong, it always is. The key is bouncing back from those failures to build a success," the small creature countered.

"Point taken," Yue admitted. "Fine then, ultimate failure isn't an option."

"Well, yeah, but still... Can you say that's the One Boy until you've met more than a handful of boys in your lives?" Kero still argued.

"How do you know we have barely met any boys before this?" Yue asked him.

The plushie gave them a cynical, jaded look.

"It _is_ that obvious, huh?" Nodoka said.

"Pretty much," Kero answered simply.

"And where do you suggest us to start looking for alternatives?" Yue snarked. "With that boy we met earlier tonight?"

"What? That little punk? Gah, no!" Kero seemed disgusted. "I'm just glad we'll never see him again!"

"He seemed more your type anyway, Yue..." Nodoka mused.

Yue had just taken a carton of juice out and was sipping from it, _just in time_ to spit take. "Gyah! Nodoka!"

Blushing a little, Nodoka stifled a tiny giggle. "Sorry! It's just... It's just the way you two argued was so cute!"

Yue scowled. "I swear, as much as it pleases me to see you're in a better mood, this almost messes up the whole thing..."

"But Yue, your face is red now..."

"So is yours!"

Nodoka turned to the guardian. "Kero-san, which one of us is redder?"

"She is," a plush paw pointed at Yue without hesitation.

"This is a conspiracy..." Yue groaned. "Or maybe a zombie-like infection of sorts. Haruna's shock is making you start to become another Haruna... Maybe the infection will stop if we kill the source? It's so ridiculous it just might work..."

...

**Unholy Marriage**

That did it. Misa jumped on Haruka's back, planting a knee against her spine. Kuro's lessons had started bearing fruit. "HEY, YOU! AFTER ALL THE MORAL CRAP YOU SAID, NOW YOU GO AND SAY THAT?-! AT LEAST I'LL WAIT UNTIL HE'S LEGAL FOR THE FINAL ACT!"

"... The final act?" Makie blinked. "Is that a suicide pact?"

_Somewhere, Itoshiki Nozomu sneezed._

After pushing her own eyes all the way back into their sockets, Haruka calmly turned around from a frozen Negi and lifted a finger to start a lecture. Misa fell back into a defensive stance, having been expecting another angry outburst. "What are you saying? Of course I'll wait until he's at least 18 to consume the union!"

"I think you mean 'consummate'," Haruna said from the floor. She was having problems getting up. She only hoped Yue and Haruka hadn't stepped too hard on her spine...

"Yeah, that," Haruka said. "Still, if I don't make things clear _now_ , how will I tell him my intentions after eight years? A proper nuptial agreement must be established with no room for doubts from the very moment the causes for it are set!"

"To be a nuptial agreement, shouldn't both parts, you know, agree on it?" Fuuka reminded her.

"I... I... I can't! I mean, I shouldn't, because I, I don't know, and that's bad, but I'm sorry! But–!" Negi was spitting nonsense out through his wide open mouth, his eyes reduced to blank circles.

"Since when have you been in love with him? Be honest!" Misa demanded from the blonde.

"I'm not in love with him. How could I be? What does this have to do with love at all?" Haruka seemed genuinely confused.

"WELL, DUH!" Misa screamed. "NO ONE ON HER RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER ENTER A LOVELESS MARRIAGE!"

"Unless a lot of money was involved," Fuuka said, "But then again, aren't you much richer than Negi-sensei?"

"This isn't about money or love, it's about responsibilities!" Haruka stated. "As for your silly question about loveless marriages, _all_ marriages become loveless eventually anyway!"

"They do?-!" Negi gasped.

_Somewhere, one Daidouji Tomoyo sneezed, and wondered who had the gall to utter blasphemy in HER sector…_

"OF COURSE NOT!" all the other girls yelled, with even Haruna getting back to her feet.

"And even if you were to marry Negi-kun because of that stupid thing that wasn't even a real kiss, I kissed him first!" Misa stomped a foot down.

Haruka shot her an icy stare. "Was he your first kiss?"

Misa recoiled back. "Ah... Well, you know, I... YES!" she ended up saying.

"Didn't you have a boyfriend for several months last year?" Fuuka asked.

"Yeah, one you always were boasting about how wonderful a kisser was..." Haruna pointed out.

"Shut up, traitors!" Misa's hands clawed at the air. "3-A should be united against this common enemy! And you shouldn't talk, Haruna! You have a boyfriend too!"

"I'll never deny it," Paru said evenly.

"And everyone knows you two are engaged in disgusting icky stuff with each other!" Misa accused the twins.

"They are?" Makie said.

Fumika hid her face and whined.

"Our union is a beautiful thing in Germany!" Fuuka defended their case. Negi would have asked what she meant if his brain wasn't so busy rebooting. Currently it still was reloading his entire Encounter with Dad fantasies.

…

**_No, not THOSE kinds, sickoes!-!-!-!-!_ **

"And you—!" Misa turned to Makie. "... Huh, well, you're a different case, I guess..."

Makie sighed in relief. "Good! So Ako-chan and Yuuna-chan haven't told you anything!"

A deadly silence filled the lobby then.

Makie facepalmed with both hands. "I'm such an Idiot. The Idiot Supreme."

_Somewhere, Miki Sayaka sneezed._

"No Akira?" Fuuka asked.

"SIS!" Fumika cried.

"What? Athletic girls are hot!"

_Somewhere, someone sneezed._

"No nookie tonight for you!"

"Damn…"

"Ah, uh, okay," Misa filed it in the back of her mind in the folder named 'BLACKMAIL' before moving on. "Anyway, Sensei, please refuse this harpy's heartless designs! She can't dictate _your_ future for you after barely knowing you!"

"Yeah, because that's _her_ job!" Haruna joked, pointing at Misa.

"Shut up, Haruna!"

Negi's pale face turned up at them. "Could we discuss all this another day, please? Preferably after I'm dead?"

Fuuka looked around in all directions. "By the way, with all this commotion, I'm surprised Nitta-sensei hasn't come yet..."

Elsewhere, in a broom closet, Nitta woke up to the smell of cleaning products invading his nose. He had a bucket of water on his head, and a mop on his lap, its handle sticking up from between his legs in a mockingly phallic fashion.

"Someone... Someone has a lot of explaining to do..." he gurgled.

In her room, Poyo saved the photos of him in her cellphone and hid it under her pillow. Then she settled down and slept peacefully.

She was starting to understand why her sister had always loved that school so much...

...

**Union.**

Fortunately for her, his house was nearby. She was carried in secrecy through the night, growing weaker with each step. By the time they got inside, he was afraid anything they would do now would simply kill her faster. It had been a horribly bad idea, he had to look for an alternative, what had he been thinking to even imagine...

But with her last shreds of energy, she took the initiative.

They breezed through the house and into the bedroom, with her pulling him now despite the clumsiness of her steps, quickly fell onto the bed, and drew even closer to each other.

Akashi was terrified out of his wits, and it would have been even worse if the dreamlike nature of the bizarre, absurd incident hadn't been numbing his senses and rational mind now.

_Forgive me, my Darling._

_Forgive me, Yuuna._

He had to take the lead then, managing to get most of her heavy clothes off her, very carefully, which barely allowed him enough time to roll his pants and boxers down to his ankles. At first, his motions were soft and gentle, afraid to hurt her. But with her energy plummeting, she became desperate, needy. Her hips thrust harder than his, slamming strongly against his body, encouraging him to go deeper.

He complied, quickening the pace. He rest both hands on her breasts, squeezing the soft flesh between his fingers. It was very different from making love to Yuuka. This was primal, intense, not unlike an animal mating ritual. As she grew bolder and stronger, reaching up for his shirt and unbuttoning it, a faint shade of color tinted her cheeks.

A thick swirl of self-disgust grew in Akashi's stomach. From the start of this he had felt guilty about doing this to a woman (and he couldn't think of her as a spirit or supernatural being anymore, as he did when he first had the idea) who reportedly had been abused before. He had thought he had prepared himself to deal with her pain, to try and soothe it, because it was for her survival, an absolute last resort under a tight time limit.

Seeing her enjoying it, however, was something he couldn't have predicted, and, again, it scared him. It wasn't like she was feeling the kind of pleasure Yuuka had; she was more like a shark devouring its prey. There was something both utterly twisted and utterly innocent about her. She was doing it because she had to, but once begun, she was pursuing it to its end.

He still felt like he had debased both himself and her, but the capstone to that horror was, she was a willing partner in their mutual corruption.

It had been a very long while since the last time. So he didn't last that long. But as soon as he was over, he noticed it had only healed her a bit. So, after seeing her inviting gesture, he swallowed and started again as best as he could. He had no idea how in the world he managed it by the time their fourth consecutive coupling was over, but by then, he was fairly sure they had achieved their original goal.

He was spent and sleepy, but she looked like a woman reborn, staring at the ceiling with large and thoughtful eyes, while he clung to her like a child.

"Would you like to be my Master?" she asked.

Akashi-sensei groaned. What could he ever wish from a Holy Grail?

His eyes fell on the portrait of Yuuka on the nightstand.

"Sure. Why not?"

This couldn't end well…

...

Kuro lay back, staring at her roomate's ceiling and listened to Sora snoring in the corner. Thank goodness for magecraft directly written into her mind. It wasn't her mother's alchemy, but it was convenient.

Second by second passes by, and with it came infinitesimal but measurable drop on her prana. How long before it was so low she could no longer fight the World's attempts to delete her existence? Granted, her dunking in the white fluid from the Grail last December might have fixed that, but she didn't dare risk it. And with every passing drop on prana, she thought of her sister. Her sister and Miyu. Their angry, annoyed faces. Their smiles. The feel of their skin…

One hand crept south beneath her covers…

Soon low, quiet moans filled the room.

And Sora had a disturbing dream that Chisame was somehow pregnant by Negi-sensei, was actually her daughter, and was having a threesome with them…

Gotta love subliminal audio suggestions.

...

In her sleep Evangeline dreamed. She dreamed of hats and mad scientists and the moon crying. She dreamed of being chained, powerless and weak. She dreamed of poison and a starlit sky in a flowery field as bright as day.

And as she slept, her lips sang.

_"Pa-le moon, pale moon. Cleanses the sinful and makes them a-new…"_

...

And in a secret place, Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade, smiled to herself and plotted by the light of her desk lamp, chuckling quietly to herself in true mad scientist fashion.

A pillow hit her on the head.

"Would you turn out that light, I'm trying to sleep one here!"

...

...

**\- To be continued...**

...

**Gotta Catch 'Em All**

_"I can use it to get you some leverage with Hakase, if you want," Kakizaki offered. "Despite my initial dislike of her, I've learned she actually can be kinda cool. Funny, in any case. Ditto for Chisame."_

**Negi and Chisame unlocked the Misa Path!**

_"Back there, seeing Chisame and Sensei hugging each other, I... I realized how they both were much closer to each other than either one is to me. Don't ask me how, but they just... click better than I could with either of them. Can I blame them? After all, she's so much... prettier than me..." She pressed her hands down against the kitchen table. "So... pretty..."_

_Sakurako put a hand on her left shoulder. "You're jealous?"_

_"No. It's just I... I don't know anymore. That's what bothers me the most. I used to have all the answers about everything, but now, I have been left an ignorant about myself. I want to be with Sensei and Chisame. I always want to be with them. I feel... like I felt with Kazuya-sempai, you see? But now, I'm even more afraid to tell them than I was with Kazuya-sempai, and that in turn scares me even more, because I'll lose them if I tell them, but I'll also lose them if I don't, like I did with him. I suppose it's unavoidable, and for everyone's best, since they would be happier with each other, assuming they ever are ready for it, but... I still can't help for it to hurt... to hurt me so much..."_

**Negi and Chisame unlocked the Hakase Path!**

_Sakurako was stunned at seeing a huge burst of wind, pretty much a miniature tornado, forming itself around the water monster, making it to spin in midair helplessly, holding it apart from Hakase and herself. Then she noticed Satomi was looking in another direction with those same huge starry eyes, and followed her gaze to the point where Negi-kun stood valiantly, holding his staff in hand. Chisame stood at his right, wearing a fancy dress and extending a very pretty scepter with a heart shaped end ahead. They both looked very heroic and epic like that, as if posing for a major entrance. Standing there under the waning light of sunset, Sakurako felt her heart patter just a bit faster. She never had doubted of Negi-kun's appeal, but until then, she hadn't understood the big deal about Chisame. However, seeing her there, with that completely serious and stern expression, standing tall and proud to the rescue... It was so... cool..._

**Negi and Chisame unlocked the Sakurako Path!**

_Matoi waited for the tide of jealousy that gave her the strength to pull telephone poles out of the ground and use them as improvised weapons to rise at the sight of Chisame having someone else in her arms…_

_And it didn't come. There was just a mild satisfaction of having done a good night's work, a feminine desire to coo softly at the utter cuteness of the sight, and a small, warm feeling in her chest she wasn't sure she'd ever felt before. She just stood over them, surprised to find herself smiling at the two of them. She wasn't quite sure when she knelt down with her chin resting on her hands atop the bed's surface to get a better view of Chisame's face over Negi's, but that was the last thing she saw before the blackness of sleep finally took her…_

**Negi and Chisame unlocked the Matoi Path!**

Joker peeked his sleepy head into Ruri's room. "Still at that? When will you finish with that stupid brain rotting videogame? We've got a death trap to set up early tomorrow!"

Ruri kept her huge golden eyes fixed on her laptop and the **More than Fifty Four Negi and Chisame Threesomes** game she was playing. "I'll pull an all-nighter if I have to. I still have fifty routes to unlock, and I haven't even reached the 'Anime Gecko Ending/Season 2 Finale' arc yet...plus there's the Decadent Habits patch and the Descendants of 2814 patch to work through…"

...

**Missed Fanservice**

Tsukuyomi peeked into Amagasaki's bedroom.

"Chigusa-han, we already have the first few letters of readers asking why we didn't have that scene where you put on a sexy short skirted disguise as an inn attendant..."

"We aren't Fourth Wall breaking characters, we barely have any readers at all, and we have no letters section, Tsukuyomi-han. Don't insist, I'm **not** putting on that for you."

...

**_Sailor V Says!_ **

"Hello, it's still me, Ookuchi Akira, Sailor Mercury, from the beautiful city of Kyoto. Venus-san is still out of fanfic focus, so we'll be sharing today's segment with a special guest, Fujimura Taiga-sensei... wait, she's even more out of focus than Aino-san! So why—"

"Hello, and welcome to this fanfiction's first Taiga Dojo! My, you sure look different this time around, Ilya-chan! I see you finally got yourself the boob job and the hormone treatment you always talked about! You dyed your hair too... and tanned just a little so you aren't so pasty..."

"I'm not Ilya-san, Taiga-sensei. And no one died in this chapter, so there's no reason to have a Taiga Dojo telling us the fatal mistakes the protagonists made."

"What? No one died?-! I was brought here with lies! I was told I'd be the final segment's protagonist! Arrgh, I'm so angry I'll start posing in all kinds of outlandish ways to blow out those cheaters' budget!"

"This isn't Carnival Phantasm either, Sensei. And that wouldn't work here anyway. Oh, and Shadow Crystal Mage-sama would like to say that, YES, he _has_ seen Carnival Phantasm, stop asking him. We're in a written medium, so our FX budget is boundless."

"Oh, crap!"

"That's why we could invest that extra money on hiring you all to guest star."

"... Everyone else is getting paid?-! I was told it was a charity work! MY AGENT DIES TONIGHT!"

"As a Sailor Senshi of Peace and Love, I don't think I can allow tha—"

"SHADDAP, SLUTTY DRESSING SHAME STUDENT!"

"...!"

"Argh, I feel so angry I could just smash this entire stupid studio! Shirou-kun, bring me my boken! I'm going to put the kibosh on all this crap until they give me an actual salary! And a real chapter of my own! Or better yet, a compensation spinoff! _Unequally Striped and Ferocious_! No, that's a crap title! Aaahh, I'm so angry I can't think of a good title!"

"Um, yeah, well, loosely based on what we saw when those paper dolls assumed Negi-sensei's identity, I suppose today's moral is... I don't know, be yourself and never try pretending to be others? As good a moral as any others, I guess..."

"I demand for my own romantic route with Naba Tetsuo-sama! Or better, my own harem! If even that ghost girl can have hers, so can I! I mean, I'm still freaking alive! Flesh and blood! Don't tell me I don't look just as good as those 3-A bimbos!"

"(Sigh) 3-A Bimbo Sailor Mercury, saying goodbye for today, friends... See you again next time, with our next guest star..."

"HELL NO! WE'RE HAVING A REAL TAIGA DOJO NEXT!"

...

**Feeling Nippy**

"Good afternoon!" the dark skinned Loli-looking female waved at the audience. "I'm Paio Zi, leader of Canis Niger, the Supreme Goddess of Breasts, the Hannibal of Mammaries, the Julius Caesar of Boobies, the Da Vinci of the upside-underside ratio!"

The towering man next to her laughed crassly. "And I'm Jack Rakan, the Hero of a Thousand Blades, the Titan of Tussling, the Collosus of Conflagration, The Fool Who Won't Die Even If He's Stabbed to Death!"

"And this is the rest of my proud gang of happy outlaw hunters of outlaws, the Canis Niger!" Paio pointed to an apathetic-looking Cattleya, Rana, Ymir, Naga the White Serpent and Jillas. "Notice the perfect huge mounds on the women's chests, and the lovely Pettanko profile of the adorable blond Loli!"

Ymir gave her the middle finger. "At least I'll grow up someday!"

"You're from the dwarf race. You won't grow up a lot," the Chichigami countered slyly. "Never mind, I love you the way you are..."

"Well, as you know, Unequally Rational and Emotional never stops in its quest to push the envelope and try new venues of attempted awesomeness!" Rakan shouted. "Sure, it fails more often than not, but it's the thought that counts! And today, after Makie threesomes, The Joker as a woman, and Negi being proposed marriage, we're going to give you something the original Akamatsu manga never could!"

"Motsu and Shichimi?" Jillas asked.

"Kotaro kicking Fate's ass?" Naga asked.

"Anya being useful at anything?" Ymir asked.

"Natsumi's play?" Cattleya asked.

"The Nightmare Circus?" Rana asked.

"NIPPLES!" Paio and Rakan shouted.

"Oh."

"Yes!" Rakan laughed. "Since we're in a Mature Audiences fanfic, we can say bye-bye to the old Barbie and Ken bodies and the dependence on baby bottles to preserve mankind!" He ripped his jacket off and flexed, thrusting out his gigantic, massive, rock-like chest. His large, dark brown nipples were easy for everyone to see. "Behold! Chew on this, Kamina!"

Jillas blinked. "I have been meaning to ask... Do you shave your chest?"

"I shave my whole body!" Rakan grinned. "It gives me the striking, dynamic, appealing presence a True Action Badass must have!"

"Too much information…" Jillas regretted.

Paio laughed as well. "Oh, please! The predominantly male audience isn't here to see your at least not hairy nipples, Mr. Rakan! They came to see the pinnacles of human evolution, the twin peaks of desire, the ultimate expressions of pointy, milky Nirvana! Ta-daaah!" She peeled off her top. "Female nipples!"

Everyone blinked several times, seeing only small pixilated areas of a chocolate pigmentation where her nipples should have been.

"Curses!" Paio said, looking down at herself. "Self-censorship! The double standards of this hypocritical society strike again!"

Rana pulled his shirt up and examined his own pale chest, where barely-there but still visible nipples were on display. "I can see mine just fine!"

"That's what I'm talking about!" the Chichigami roared.

"I wonder if they'll still put a pixel mosaic over my wang if I whip it out..." Rakan pondered. He grinned and reached down for the zipper of his pants. "ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!"

Mercifully for everyone but him, the segment ends here.

...

**_Secret Origins: Caster_ **

Caster slept, or at least, rested with her eyes closed. Servants did not sleep or dream, but memories could be as bad. Her Master… her _former_ Master now… the memories of how he had tricked and abused her burned in her mind.

"Now, Caster-chan, you call me 'Edward', and I'll call you 'Bella'…"

He had needed to die.

...

**From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Time Traveler:**

**Full Name** : Miyazaki Nodoka

 **Known Aliases:** Honya-chan, Psycho Purple, Dynamis' Bane, The Girl Without Fear, Fearless, the Bush Stalker

 **Alignment:** Bookish Good

 **ECL:** Beyond Conventional Measuring Techniques

 **Religion** : Books

 **Sexuality** : Ostensibly straight, definitely Negi-sexual, possibly Yue-sexual

 **Family:** Unknown. Legends say she sprung fully grown deep within the stacks of library island.

 **Affiliations:** Mahora Academy, Ala Alba, the United Magical Girls (and Boys) Association, Library Island Exploration Club, The Ancient and Most Honorable Mastership of Treasure Hunters of Mundus Magicus, the Reverent Order of Trapseekers, The Official Negi Maniacs Fanclub (ID # 0000000001a), The Official Yue Maniacs Fanclub (ID # 0000000001)

 **Background** : Once a slightly-abnormal student of Mahora Academy, (that is to say, not nuts at all and perfectly sane and normal. I told you she was abnormal), her life unknowingly took a turn for the strange and magical when Negi Springfield became her class's homeroom teacher.

After Negi saved her from a fall down a flight of stairs while carrying a large stack of books, she developed a crush on him, a crush mildly encouraged by an incident involving love potion. Encouraged by her friends to admit her feeling for Negi, she finally managed to do so on the trip to Kyoto. This inadvertently led to her forming a Pactio with him, and her fate was sealed.

During Mahorafest, she managed to ask Negi out on a date, a proposal he accepted, possibly with strictly platonic intentions. Hilarity ensued. It was also then that she discovered Yue's own feelings for Negi, a matter they have chosen to resolve between themselves both as best friends and technical rivals.

During the Mahorafest Incident, she primarily played a support role, and acting as a sacrifice to keep Negi from being struck by Mana's time bullets.

After Mahorafest, she developed her skills with her Artifact, and with Yue finished learning the theoretical phase prerequisite to learning magic. She is also known to have come upon the infamous 'threesome' solution to her love triangle, though this was mainly a product of her unconscious mind.

After the Gateport incident, she managed to join a group of treasure hunters, acting as their trap expert until she was reunited with Ala Alba.

In the end, she, like the rest of Ala Alba, was instrumental in the defeat of Kosmo Entelekhia. Things, however, did not settle down. She, like the rest of Ala Alba, was drawn into the incident known as the 'Book Of Darkness and Yet Another Reason To Stay The Hell Away From Earth (Unadministered World #97)' case.

She, Haruna, Yue, and their cute mute classmate Cassandra (see note: Agent: "Spoiler") faced off against the knight Vita during the Wolkenritter's attack on Mahora, and prevented her from taking Evangeline's Linker Core. She was also one of those who responded during the Invader mass-activation incident at the end of the 5th Holy Grail War in Fuyuki city.

Might or might not be still considering exploring the polyamory option.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Nodoka is a trained librarian, and thus skilled in rappelling, unarmed combat, small arms combat, whips, the Dewey Decimal System, library and wilderness survival, spelunking, book repair, finding the smutty books intentionally misplaced in the shelves by students trying to keep them all to themselves, locking, and trap identification and disbarment, among other skills.

Her Artifact, the legendary tome Diarium Ejus, allows her to read the 'heart' of any being provided she knows their full name and they are within 5 meters upon invocation of the reading function.

Nodoka has a basic functional theoretical understanding of magic, but knows few spells besides the basic light spell and basic bodily enhancement spells. She possesses neither Konoka's naturally large capacity and affinity for magic or Yue's formal education at Ariadne, and as such is magically weaker than they, though she can cast the spells she knows well enough.

Has been identified as the next being in sector 2814 to receive a power ring should any of the current Green Lanterns die. Would have gotten the ring instead of Nanoha under normal circumstances, as she was geographically closer to Abin Sur at the time of his death, but his final orders to the ring changed search parameters, and this Takamachi Nanoha was chosen instead.

...

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Time Traveler, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade:_ **

**Full Name:** Bruce Anthony Wayne.

 **Known Aliases:** Batman, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Detective, The World's Greatest Detective, The Caped Crusader, 'Matches' Malone, Sir Hemingford Grey, Mordecai Wayne, The Insider, "OH SHIT! EVAC–!", "DON'T HURT ME!", "I'M SORRY!", "OH GOD, WE'RE FUCKED!"

 **Alignment:** Somewhere between Lawful Good and Chaotic Good. Basically Good Good. Works with the law when it suits him, but is perfectly willing to go against laws in his pursuit of justice.

 **Religion:** Agnostic.

 **Sexuality:** Heterosexual. Really, all those bad, tasteless jokes about the boy in the short pants are only that.

 **Family:** Thomas Wayne (Father, deceased), Martha Wayne (Mother, deceased), Richard 'Dick' Grayson (Adopted Son), Damian Wayne (Son, but in this iteration, Wayne doesn't know about him yet).

 **Affiliations:** A loose sort of team of Gotham City vigilantes including Robin the Boy Wonder, Batgirl, the Huntress, the Spoiler and Azrael. Green Arrow, Black Canary, Katana and The Question are also frequent allies of his, and he has a relatively good working relationship with Superman.

 **Major Enemies:** The Joker, Ra's al Ghul, Talia al Ghul, Two-Face, Bane, Catwoman, the Penguin, the Riddler, Mr. Freeze, Clayface, the Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Black Mask, Hush, Mr. Zsasz, Harley Quinn, Killer Croc, the Mad Hatter, Deadshot, Rupert Thorne, Dr. Hugo Strange, the Ventriloquist and Scarface, Man-Bat, Professor Pyg, Catman, King Tut, Killer Moth, Maxie Zeus, the Music Meister, Professor Milo, Owlman, Roland Dagget, the Everywhere Man, Philo Zeiss, Baby Doll, the Firefly, Cornelius Stirk, the Clock King, Amygdala, Calendar Man, Calendar Girl, Blockbuster, Dr. Phosphorus, Lady Shiva, Red Claw, Egghead, Lock-Up, Roxie Rocket, Tremor, the Ratcatcher, the KGBeast, the Tally Man, the Bookworm, False Face, David Cain, the Magpie, the Reaper, Crazy Quilt, Twedledee and Twedledum, Orca, the Obeah Man, the Cluemaster, the Cavalier, the Corrosive Man, Gearhead, Mortimer Kadaver, Lord Deathman, Mastermind, the Professor, Mr. Nice, Signalman, the Ten-Eyed Man, Flamingo, the Wrath, Faceless, the Kite-Man, the Ogre and the Ape, Joel Schumacher, George Clooney, Adam West, the Green Hornet.

Gotham City is a lovely place to visit, neh?

 **Background:** Born the only son of a rich doctor and philanthropist and his socialite wife, Wayne had a happy childhood until his parents were shot by a gang member later identified as Joe Chill in the area of Park Row, which would come to be known as 'Crime Alley' after Gotham City's decay. His parents' murder left a strong impression on the young Wayne, who vowed to devote the rest of his life and his copious resources to fight crime in all its manifestations.

During his formative years, Wayne traveled the world training in martial arts and honing his deductive and athletic skills. A note of personal interest is he spent a few months studying in the Tendo Dojo around Saotome Ranma's arrival, but he left months before Haruna was born. After coming back home to Gotham, Wayne was inspired by a bat crashing into his private library to don a Bat themed suit to fight crime in his nocturnal escapades, both to conceal his identity and to infuse fear in 'cowardly and superstitious' criminals. His words, not mine. This is regarded as the best idea he has had for an identity. Previous reiterations has had him inspired to be The Curtain, the Rattlesnake, Pipe-Smoking-Negro-Man, Stripper-Man, Gordon-man, Jehovah's Witness-Man, Two-Squirrels-Man, the bare-buttocks 'Moon-Man', Curtains-Man, Mexican-Gardener-Man, Passing Hare Krishna-Man, Shakespeare-Man, Butler-Man, Woman-Man, Tree-Man, Leopard-Fucker-Man, etc, until someone who shall not be named got sick of it, got rid of the public walkway running past the window of his private library, bricked up said window, and nailed a bat to it so he wouldn't have to look far for inspiration.

During the ten years he's been active in Gotham, Wayne has amassed an impressively large gallery of bizarre and colorful enemies, chief amongst them the psychotic Joker and the international terrorist Ra's al Ghul. Ghul's daughter Talia and Wayne had an irregular affair that eventually resulted in her having a child she has named Damian. Ra's has decided to educate the child secretly from his father's knowledge in the middle of his Society of Shadows.

Around his third year of activities, Wayne adopted an orphaned circus trapeze artist named Dick Grayson, maybe seeing a reflection of his own past in the child, whose parents also were slain by gang members. Grayson found Wayne's secret quickly, and he assumed a crime fighting identity of his own as Robin, the Boy Wonder. They fought crime together for a few years, until a nearly fatal encounter with the Joker moved Wayne to 'fire' Grayson as Robin. Undaunted, the Boy continued his activities with the group of super youngsters known as the Teen Titans, but he recently has come to better terms with Wayne.

 **Powers and Abilities:** Wayne has no supernatural or metahuman powers, a fact he's actually proud of. However, he has trained himself to the pinnacle of physical human perfection (well, the likes of Ku-chan and Kaede-chan would disagree, but let's not dwell on that), and has extensive knowledge on dozens of types of unarmed and armed combat. He's also a self-taught genius in several areas concerning technology and mechanics, a master detective and expert bomb disabler. He speaks a dozen of languages fluently, and has working notions of another dozen of them.

As Batman, he employs a variety of devastating weapons including razor sharp Boomerangs, explosive Boomerangs, freezing and incendiary capsules, grappling hook guns, armored gloves, blinding and smoke grenades, sonic devices, and more. After stealing the Kryptonite ring formerly worn by Lex Luthor, he's one of the few men in the planet with the means to hurt or even kill Superman.

Despite all his many skills, however, Wayne is a lousy cook who can't even make a sandwich the right way. Good thing he has a competent butler. Not like that is the only area where I feel confident I could defeat him if we ever happen to clash, in any case...

* * *

 

 **Author Notes- Miyazaki Nodoka** **by OverMaster**

\- To give the series a fresh approach, I decided to put the primary canon protagonists on the back shelf for a while, until the new main core group of girls was more or less settled down. That's why Nodoka lost so much early character development, and she fell rather behind in terms of spotlight until now. Then again, the story kind of writes itself as it goes, so even latecomers could regain their missing protagonism by the end. Don't count Nodoka out of the race yet!

\- While I tried to pull several old dynamics apart to take the characters in other directions, like the cheerleaders and the Sport Girls, I decided against separating Nodoka and Yue. They more or less need each other to work properly.

\- While Nodoka is still my least favorite librarian to write, I've found her easier to write lately.

\- If she gains both a full Clow set and her Diarium Ejus, Nodoka could conceivably become one of the two or three most dangerous Ala Alba girls by story's end, but it'll take her a very long time to get a respectable set of cards, since the story's core is elsewhere. I'll try to adapt as many Sakura stories as Nodoka sidestories as I can, though.

\- For a while I wanted to write Nodoka with glasses, as she sometimes showed up in the _Negima?_ anime, but I decided against it after the plans for the earliest chapters spotlighted several characters with glasses already.

\- Another discarded element was having Nodoka and Yue as Haruna's adopted sisters (Ranma named Nodoka in honor of his dead mother) making their bond even stronger, but I rejected the idea after realizing living in the Saotome Dojo would have altered Yue and Nodoka's personalities too much, even with Kasumi's influence.

* * *

 

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OverMaster, signing off.

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**NEXT TIME, IN UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL:**

The first chapter of year 2012! While Negi and his lovely companions struggle through the Kyoto arc, things heat up back at Mahora! Mysterious Jewel Seeds rain from the sky, and you know what that means! It's the big Unequally debut of Takamachi Nanoha, Magical Girl!

Poison Ivy gets one step closer to the power calling for her help!

Deadpool!

Ilya meets Anya!

Nekane heads to Japan!

Sayo meets another ghost!

Arika confronts the father who should be as dead as her, intent on rectifying the situation!

And Asuna has a very unexpected flash from her past!

All this and more, in a chapter we call… **_Mahora Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha_**! Be good, and again, Happy New Year!

 

 


	40. Lesson 34: Mahora Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha

SCM's A/N: Sugar! Manga! And Sleep Deprivation! Those were the ingredients Professor Utonium used to create the perfect fanfic writer! However, he accidentally added the mysterious Crack X... And so, SHADOW CRYSTAL MAGE was born! Using his ultra super powers, he fights Twilight, Sue Inserts, and the (other) FORCES OF EVIL!

OM's A/N: AAAAAAGHHHH! The Negima manga is ending! And on such a low, depressing note, too! AAAAAGHHHH! Chisame, don't be dead by the time this is over, please!

* * *

**Unequally Rational and Emotional**

**by OverMaster**

* * *

 

 **Lesson 34: "Mahora Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha", or** " **Beware The Rise Of The (Non-Green) Devil"**

 **Disclaimer:** _Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

 _Ah my Goddess!_ and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

 _Mai Hime_ and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

 _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

 _Sailor Moon_ belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

 _Card Captor Sakura_ and _Magic Knight Rayearth_ belong to CLAMP.

 _Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha_ belongs to Seven Arcs Entertainment.

 _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ belongs to BE-PAPAS and Saito Chihou.

Batman and all related elements belong to DC Comics.

Darkwing Duck belongs to the Walt Disney Company, not like they appreciate him…

Mrs. Anderson is a creation of Sereg for his _Mahou Sensei Anya_ fanfiction. She's being used with his blessing. Check MSA out!

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster.

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Special thanks to Darkenning for allowing me to adapt his Nekane segment, and Nightmare Syndrom for the intro.

Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, crossdressing and slight amounts of cake. If you dislike excessive amounts of the aforementioned, may I suggest reading about little pastel ponies? There's this really funny one about Pinkie Pie. It's called _Cupcakes_ …

...

( **Partial) Dramatis Personae- A List of Characters who will be Featured in this Chapter- by Chizuno Masuto (aka Your Lovely Host OverMaster-kun)**

 **Negi Springfield** : The Protagonist of this Story, a child prodigy mage teacher, and only son (notice we haven't said only child) of the Thousand Master Nagi Springfield, the greatest hero (and idiot) of his time. Unlike his father, Negi is a thinker (as a matter of fact, he tends to think too much) and a real worrywart. He lives with two of his teenaged students, Hasegawa Chisame and Hakase Satomi, both of whom have feelings for him. And maybe each other. It's complex... Currently, he's spending some time at Kyoto with his class and a slightly older, parallel universe version of himself in drag.

 **Takamachi Nanoha** : A 10 year old student at Mahora Academy, with a gift for occasionally making friends, in ways that don't involve beating them to submission first. She's actually a very good and innocent girl, however, and if you ever see her getting actually dragged into the debaucheries this fanfic tends to showcase, please hunt and shoot me without mercy. Her parents run a cafeteria near the Academy's main bus stop.

 **Nekane Springfield** : Negi's older cousin, and definitely not his mother. Nope, definitely not. She raised him after his parents disappeared, and Negi pretty much idolizes her as a saint. After having a brief romantic adventure with Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth, recently, Nekane learned demons were threatening Negi's well-being, and so she has resolved to leave Wales, travel to Japan, and protect Negi from the shadows wearing a Tuxedo Kamen-inspired male disguise. Yes, dating Deadpool for even a short time will do _that_ to your head.

 **Ilyasviel von Einzbern, also known as 'Ilya'** : A mysterious, pale, short young girl from Europe with a towering monster named 'Berserker' at her beck and call. She seems to own a fortune all her own, and is most often followed by a dutiful Japanese maid named Sayoko, who used to serve Ilya's late mother. Recently, Ilya has found she's apparently Negi's older half-sister, and has decided to travel to Japan to meet him. Of course, her original main reason for the trip was taking part in something she calls a 'Grail War'...

 **Kikukawa Yukino** : A patient, long suffering, bespectacled Junior High student from Mahora. Yukino is the secretary to the local Student Council, and a childhood friend of its Vice President, the stubborn and stern Suzushiro Haruka. Recently, she and two girls from other Academies were pulled by a mysterious force into a parallel magical world.

 **Wolverine** : Only makes a gratuitous cameo in this chapter.

 **Uzumaki Naruto** : Is only mentioned once. Believe it!

 **Bella Swan:** horrendously murdered bya thousandrabid playtypusand was reincarnated as a dung beetle, which was then incinerated by a volcano. Her ashes are seen floating around the time Alcyone swears revenge, floating in the breeze.

 **Aisaka Sayo** : The spirit of a Mahora student who died during World War Two, and now haunts the school, or more accurately, roams through it trying to find friends Casper-style. She's a coward at heart, but she's trying to overcome that flaw by assisting ex-Soul Reaper Kurosaki Ichigo and his replacement Kuchiki Rukia in their hunts for evil spirits. She can't venture out of Academy grounds unless she's inhabiting either Rukia's human body or a special doll Ichigo bought for her.

 **Kyubey** : Is a little bastard who goes around recruiting very young girls who end up wearing revealing tight outfits while stalking the streets at night. It's actually not as dirty as it sounds, but more morally reprehensible. He was in the draft version of this chapter, but had to be cut out due to length restrains. Better luck next time, QB!

...

**Previously, on Unequally Rational and Emotional…- by Nightmare Syndrom**

Kuro: Last time, Negi, Anya, Cocone, and Mei were caught in the act of having hot passionate four-way underaged sex...Why the hell didn't this actually happen and why wasn't I included?

Anya: Because you don't like boys!

Chisame: What the- Shouldn't you be against something like this!

Asuna: Yeah! I thought you didn't want other girls getting close to the brat.

Anya: Wrong! I didn't want you big boobed bimbos getting close to him. Our combined efforts have successfully swayed him away from you and your malevolent milk makers! We can sort things out amongst ourselves later.

Mei: Besides, due to a legal loophole we're the only girls who can have sex with him without getting arrested.

Kuro: Hey! Can we get on with the preview already?

Chisame: Screw it! Just start with the damn chapter.

...

**Prelude: My Favorite Aunt**

_A Few Years Ago:_

"Auntie Shampoo is your favorite auntie, is she no, Haruna-chan?" Shampoo cooed, poking Haruna's right cheek with a playful finger. "Because Haruna-chan is Shampoo's favorite niece!"

Akane pushed her aside with a swing of her hips. "Excuse me, but I wasn't aware you were a sister of ours!" Then she began cooing for the child as well. "Cootchie cootchie, Haruna-chan! Isn't it true you love Auntie Akane as much as Auntie Akane loves you?"

"But your Aunt Kocchi can give you a full life of sophistication and riches!" Kodachi said, landing with a pirouette on Akane's head and pushing her down, hovering over Haruna with a wicked grin and her arms full of gifts. It'd have worked excellently if Haruna hadn't been only four at the time. Instead, she only started crying.

"Look at what you did!" Ukyo pushed her aside. "Poor baby! Don't you want to come to Auntie Ukyo's place and have some delicious dinner?"

"Excuse me? I heard 'delicious dinner' and 'your place' in the same sentence?" Kodachi growled.

"What, you need having basic sentences explained to you now?" Ukyo growled back. "Have you spent too long around Shampoo?"

"Shampoo getting much better at Japanese!" an indignant Chinese girl yelled.

"That's it! If you're going to fight, do it out of our house!" Akane shouted.

"DUMP US OUT, TOMBOY!" the other three challenged.

Haruna sighed, shook her head at the big cloud of violence developing before her, walked out the door, and headed down the sidewalk to Doctor Tofu's small clinic. She rang the door after struggling to reach the bell. Some day she'd be tall! Some day...!

Ono Kasumi opened and smiled down, in that very beautiful way of hers. "Oh, Haruna-chan! What are you doing here at this time of the day?"

Haruna smiled back. "I wanted some time with my favorite aunt!"

...

**_A Chachamaru Interlude…_ **

The day after everyone left for their class fieldtrips was a perfectly ordinary day in Mahora. The sun was shining, those few left behind we're sleeping in late, the Tohsaka sisters were sleeping naked in the same bed after a night of decadent habits, Karakuri Chachamaru had exorcised a giant monstrous spirit intent on murder, mayhem and chaos, little boys and girls were out on their paper route, and somewhere, a little voice in her head was calling Takamachi Nanoha for help.

All in all, another completely ordinary and regular day in Mahora.

BREEP!

Chachamaru didn't lower her arm cannon, keeping it aimed at the creature. After a moment, it began to seemingly dissolve and she nodded, finally lowering her arm and converting back to her hand. The gynoid looked regretfully at the damage the short battle had caused. Hopefully no one would get in trouble for it. She powered down her sensors. The thing had been difficult to see— it hadn't registered on her cameras at all— apparently being a purely spiritual being. Fortunately, her lenses had special spiritually polarized filters for basic detection, and more complicated ones had allowed her to see the creature clearly. During some instances, it had almost been like she hadn't needed the sensors…

Another being would have shaken her head to end the thought, but Chachamaru made a conscious decision to stop contemplating that line of thinking, switching to other considerations. According to her downloaded weather report, dawn would be soon (84 minutes, approximately), and McDowell-san would likely be waking not long after.

Making sure the thing— she had not had an opportunity to ask what they were commonly called, though they seemed to be mildly prevalent, having encountered at least five this night— had disappeared, she leapt to the rooftops, putting some distance from the scene before returning to ground level and continuing onwards towards the bakery.

Fifteen minutes later, she landed in the front yard of the local Evangeline's cabin, the paper bag of bread in her arms still hot. She didn't whistle or hum, but her small, tranquil smile said she should have been as she climbed the short wooden stairs and opened the door with the key her alternate had lent her. As she shut the door behind her, she increased the gain of her hearing, noting the subtle indicators that Miss McDowell was soon to wake. Quickly, she stepped to the kitchen, setting down the bag and preparing a small tray of warm bread and butter. She went upstairs and quietly set it on the bedside table. The room still smelled slightly of the… vigorous… nocturnal carnal activities her master and their host had indulged in the days before Evangeline had left for Kyoto. She hoped she would have an opportunity to air it out.

Evangeline herself still slept, her nose making a strange whistling sound as she exhaled. In her arms were two small dolls. They weren't very well made, and Chachamaru wasn't sure how safe it was for one of them to have fork times sticking out of it, but she let them be. Evangeline obviously cared deeply for them, even if the one time Chachamaru had asked she had _vigorously_ denied their existence. Chachamaru had let it drop, though she had noted with personal approval that this version of the master seemed to be less lonely. She envied the other her for managing to do that for her master.

Quietly, she set up the tray stand and placed the bread, butter, utensils, and a cup of stimulating morning tea on it, placing it next to the bed. Then she went to the window and opened it slightly, letting the morning breeze waft the warms scents towards the bed while keeping the curtain mostly closed so that the sunlight could enter gradually. Pleased, she stood by the bed and waited patiently for her temporary master to wake…

It was going to be a good day.

...

**BANG! BANG! And MORE BANG! Oh, Yeah!- by B-B. Hood**

The zombie was scared.

Really. He—it— literally trembled while backing away on shaky, clumsy legs, hissing hoarsely, almost slipping on the wet floor of the dark hall as he tried to get away from the monstrous thing that had just massacred all the others. That little beast who was staring at him with icy cold blue eyes, a huge sadistic grin on her face. She advanced towards him fearlessly, aiming the impossibly large gun in her hands at him, stomping over the inanimate remains of countless other zombies splattered all over the hall as she did so.

Twirls of golden blond hair were visible coming out from under the red bonnet on her head. She was not the mightiest, but certainly the most merciless Hunter in the world, *her* world, at least. Welcome to another of her job days.

"It's time to pay the piper, Mr. Stinky...!" she giggled in a perverted fashion, now stomping her way towards the zombie. "You're the last one standing, so I guess I'll have to savor you before this all ends... But it would be way better if you showed some guts first! C'mon! Be a man! Bring it on! Do your worst! Bam! Sock! Uuuuuuurrrrghhhh! Let me see that famed undead feral rage! Do you get what I'm saying to you, stupid beast?"

As if it could truly understand her, the undead one seemed to decide to die (again) like a man (that is, at least better than his first time). With a guttural, low growl, he rushed forward to attack her...

... and had its head blown up by her as thanks.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaackpot!" B.B. Hood smiled with satisfaction. The Little Red Riding Hood from Hell, Scourge of Monsters all around Earth, softly blew some grayish smoke from the point of her gun as the zombie fell down, incapacitated. "Feh. Those UMBRELLA idiots... will they never learn, I wonder? And why it looks like their zombies are getting even worse with each attempt? They must be runnin' out of budget... Maybe they should try another area. I bet they could give Tupperware a very good run for their money if they wanted to."

She whipped out a cell phone from a pocket in her little red dress and spoke through it. "Yeah? Hood here. Yep, the zone is all clean. Prepare that money now, because I'm going to collect immediately. Yeah, yeah, my pleasure. I live for my job, after all!"

Then, a pause.

"I'll call you later, Eduardo..." she cut the communication as she cautiously walked to the nearest corridor. "I think I have another call in the line. Yeah, well, my regards to the kids. Sure, sure, maybe another time. Ciao."

She switched to the other, incoming call. "Yeah? Hood here. Hey. No, of course I'm awake. Just finished a job, actually," she casually said, with a cocky slant to her words.

"What? No, I don't do kidnappings! Why, I oughtta shoot you through the spleen! You blind? Didn't you read my announcements? Monster hunter, not thug for hire!"

"Huh, a friend of Darkstalkers, you say? I dunno, I guess that changes things, but still... WHOA, MAMA! How much, you say?-! And the chance to kill one of _those_? I've never shot one of _those_ dead! Fine, if it's that way, I'll do it! You're lucky I'm in the area! Yeah, well, I'll be there! Yeah, bring whoever else you want too, but remember, _that_ one is _mine_!"

Then again, you already know this part of the story, so let's move on...

...

**The Second Ghost is a Complete Mystery- by Rukia**

_The Day Before:_

Kuchiki Rukia inhaled carefully, trying not to breathe the thick layers of dust floating up into the air with each step Ichigo and Sayo (using Rukia's human body) made, both of them marching behind her through the lonely, dark corridors of the abandoned bath house downtown. Then she remembered she was a ghost and technically didn't need to breath, and so stopped bothering.

"As you can see, it's probably nothing," Ichigo muttered, hands buried into his pockets with only the thumbs poking out. "If there's a ghost in here, it must be a pretty weak one, since I haven't been able to feel it yet. Or," his tone grew grim, "a damn strong one who can hide its power remarkably well, so don't lower your guard. Anyway, the reports are anyone who gets in here for any reason is haunted off. Nobody's been hurt yet, so I figure the former theory is more likely. Or people could just be seeing things. Or a bum's scaring them away. Whatever the cause is, the witnesses report a ghostly voice always shouting—"

 **"LEAVE!"** a ghostly voice shouted. Sayo yelped and clung to Ichigo for safety. His face barely twitched.

"Yeah, just like that," the boy said.

**"LEAVE!"**

"It seems to come from the East wing," Rukia said very calmly. "Sounds like a woman trying to sound like a man..."

Sayo blinked. "Now that you say it, it sounds a little like Nodoka-chan trying to raise her voice..."

"Who?" Ichigo asked.

"One of my classmates," Sayo-in-Rukia's-Body said. "Very smart, librarian, with bangs over her eyes..."

Ichigo tried to remember, frowned, and shook his head. "Not ringing any bells, sorry."

"She's good friends with Paru-chan..." Sayo offered meekly.

"Again, who is that?" the boy pressed on.

"S-She's the one who drew that doujinshi..." Sayo stammered.

Ichigo's right eyebrow began trembling. "The one about Ishida and me?"

"She claimed any resemblances were purely coincidental, remember...?" Sayo tried to appease him down.

"When I regain my powers, it'll also be a coincidence she's found dead with a Zanpakutou up her—" the boy muttered darkly, only to be hushed by Rukia, who already was advancing faster down the corridor, heading to the East.

"Ichigo, you're supposed to be a professional!" Kuchiki hissed under her breath, keeping her sword ready to swing at any moment now. "I heard something from this direction!"

"Roger," he said, regaining his cold composure and following her closely, while Sayo gulped and hung slightly behind, pulling out a frying pan and clutching it between her (or rather, Rukia's) shaking hands.

The sounds were louder and stronger now, to the point even Sayo had no problems hearing them now. And then it all happened so fast. With no warning, Rukia swung her Zanpakutou in a vertical arc, slashing the door into two halves of rotten wood that fell neatly off their hinges, landing with a loud thud that raised even more clouds of dust. Sayo coughed madly and rubbed the dirt out of her (or indeed, Rukia's) eyes, before finally being able to look into the direction Rukia and a livid Ichigo were looking at, distressed.

What she saw there made her shriek like a schoolgirl. Instead of, you know, a ghost schoolgirl inhabiting a schoolgirl's body.

...

**The Second Ghost is Only a Myth!- by Risa**

Ichigo, Rukia and Sayo-in-Rukia's-Body stared in wild, dumbfounded horror.

A girl with short, wavy, sandy blond hair sat in the darkness with her discarded skirt aside, planting the palms of her hands on the dusty floor, and looking up at them with wide eyes not too unlike those of a deer caught in the headlights of a monster truck. A shorter girl with dark brown hair in pigtails and glasses looked up as well from her kneeling position between the other girl's spread legs, and gulped what Rukia hoped was a mouthful of her own saliva.

"Um, hey, hello," the sandy blonde finally waved. "Sorry, but this room's taken."

Ichigo pointed a finger at them, opened his mouth enough to gulp a train, and began waving his other arm up and down very quickly. "W-WHA-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?-!"

Those two girls traded a condescending look as the blonde pulled her skirt back on. Then she pointedly asked Ichigo, "What did it look like to you?"

The boy covered his eyes with his hands. "For the love of God, what's wrong with people here? This is supposed to be a derelict, abandoned, _haunted_ place! Falling apart! The kind of building where a bum with a knife could jump out of any shadow any moment now! What's the big idea, coming here to—! To—!"

"Play hanky panky and related games?" the girl with glasses asked candidly, a finger on her mouth. Sayo-in-Rukia's-Body was bright red, once again forgetting a human body needed breathing. That made her host body's face turn dark purple next, until Rukia herself slapped her back and Sayo remembered. Rukia herself looked more annoyed than anything else, being used to walking in on (Honsho, not Naba) Chizuru in varying degrees of harassing Orihime.

"It's kinky," her companion said simply. "And _you're_ here too," she pointed out. "Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san, right? Everyone in Mahora knows you two are an item."

A baffled Ichigo went pale. "Wait, we're a what?"

A mortified Rukia made a strangled sound. Being in her spiritual form, the two girls couldn't see or hear her, but they were seeing the flustered, gasping Sayo using her human body, which made it all look even more incriminating.

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Like we're idiots. One of your classmates, whose name we'll discreetly omit in the name of solidarity..."

"Chizuru!" Ichigo's voice sizzled furiously.

"Well, okay, her," the girl was unfazed. "She told us everything about how you two always keep sneaking away together, making lame excuses, and return hours later, sweaty and tired..."

"We salute you, our Sempais in perversion!" the meganekko hailed them. Sayo hid her face between her hands and whimpered.

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Kurosaki roared. "Who in the nine circles of Mephisto are you, anyway?-!"

"I'm Momioka Risa, and this is my best friend, Sawada Mio!" the blode said with peppy pride, reminding Sayo of Haruna-chan. Sayo also wondered exactly why all girls with names that ended with '-isa' seemed to be THAT way.

_Kyoto. Misa. Sneeze._

"Best friends?" Rukia deadpanned, almost lamenting the two pervs couldn't hear her then. "Is that what you call it now?"

_Ten years in the future, possibly in another universe, Fate and Nanoha sneezed._

"We came here only to investigate the reports of a ghost!" Sayo blurted out. "We'd never do perverted things here!"

"I see. Only in clean places, huh?" Mio asked.

"It's not like that, either!" Sayo whined.

"You should try adventuring a little sometimes," Risa said.

"We already have enough adventures!" Sayo protested, recalling all those scary Hollow chases. Rukia and Ichigo facepalmed.

"Sure you do," Risa smiled and nodded at the 'confession'. "Then, Kurosaki-kun, why are you researching 'haunted' places, again?" she asked in a clearly disbelieving tone.

Ichigo froze, at a loss for words, but Rukia came to the rescue telling him something. He gulped and repeated her words verbatim. "We're trying to break into Don Kanonji's awesome TV show on the supernatural! It's our favorite show, you know?" Then, awkwardly, he copied the Don Kanonji pose and laugh Rukia was making. Sayo did the same thing to an even worse degree. "OH-HO-HO-HOO!"

Risa blinked. "Isn't that a show for kids?"

"I'LL KILL YOU, BITCH!-!-!" a suddenly furious Rukia snapped.

Risa looked in all directions. "Funny... Suddenly I felt like someone was howling for my blood. Must be Yui-chan again..."

"That's because this building is haunted, I tell you!" Ichigo insisted. "What, haven't you heard all the screams of ' **LEAVE!'**?"

Both girls shook their heads.

"I guess we were a bit too loud ourselves to hear anything else..." Mio supposed.

"Mio-chan, he only wants to scare us away so they can have the entire place for themselves!" Risa argued.

"I don't!" Ichigo yelled again, waving his arms. "If we wanted to do that, there'd be thousands of places out there, especially now most of the students and teachers are gone! Places where _you_ should be instead of _right here_!"

"We already tried all the good ones," Risa yawned. "But fine, we can share the place if you really want to stay. It's a big building. You can take the West wing..."

"NO!" Ichigo, Sayo and Rukia shouted. "NO WAY!"

"You want to do it _here_?" Mio blinked.

"You actually want a foursome, don't you?" Risa sneered. "You men are all pigs." After only one second of looking up and down at him, she added, "We're in. You brought condoms, right?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Ichigo ran a hand over his face.

_In Soul Society and Mahora, every man and most women suddenly felt crushing disappointment, and wondered why they were thinking of Ichigo._

"What? And you were chiding us on the dangers of this?-!" Risa was actually scandalized now. "At least we can't get each other pregnant!"

"OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE WE AREN'T GOING TO DO THAT!" Ichigo stomped a foot down. Sayo was turning red and purple again, and Rukia had to coach her once more on the subtle arts of breathing.

"Oh, only oral?" Risa seemed disappointed. "It wasn't worth to come all the way here just for that..."

"Let me kill them, Ichigo," Rukia found herself saying. "No one will ever find the bodies here."

Ignoring her, the boy said, "Look, for the umpteenth time, there is a ghost on the loose here!"

"Nonsense! Ghosts don't exist! They aren't anything but a stupid myth, just like Batman, aliens, crocodiles or ninja turtles in the sewers!" Risa mocked. Now even Sayo seemed offended and annoyed. "You'll have to do better than that, Kurosa—"

 **"LEAVE!"** the otherworldly voice boomed again.

"Eeeee!" Mio squealed in excitement. "Listen, Risa-chan, they were right! That's a true voice from beyond the grave! Cool!"

Risa blinked. "Well, I gotta admit, it's a fine piece of role-playing you've set up here. You sure you didn't bring condoms?"

" ** _No!_** "

"I'm just awed they're the ones who _haven't_ died here yet..." Rukia sighed.

...

**The Second Ghost has Penetrated me!- by Mio**

"See? I mean, _hear_ that? That's the voice of a ghost! Most likely a beast hungry for souls to devour and assimilate into its own unending pit of foulness!" Ichigo told Mio and Risa while behind him, Sayo-in-Rukia's-Body whimpered and cowered. "And that's your cue to get outta here!" he clapped. "So move those feet and make like a road runner!"

_Somewhere in deserts of Mundus Magicus, a certain bird sneezed, throwing off its step and causing the coyote swinging down at it to miss and slam into a rock, at which point the coyote's jetpack exploded._

_The poor burned coyote held up a sign that read, "Really? You couldn't come up with a Nanoha ½ gag?"_

The two girls traded looks. "What do you think?" Mio asked.

"No matter if it's a fake or not, it's very un-sexy to do it with a banshee howling all around us. Let's leave," Risa sighed.

"About damn time!" Ichigo began herding them out. "Well, it's been a pleasure, I wish you a lot of happiness, have many kids, don't call, we'll call you..."

"Kurosaki-kun," Risa told him. "You really are here only to investigate that ghost with Kuchiki-san, aren't you?"

"Of course!"

"Then you don't have any kind of romantic or carnal interest in her!"

"Of course not!"

"Despite being alone with her in the darkness, you don't have any wish to whisper sweet nothings into her ear, hug her against your chest, kiss her lovely face and be one with her as caress her face and take her from behind?"

"What's with the overly specific details?-!"

"Then... Then Haruna-chan WAS right! You ARE gay!"

"I'M NOT, YOU MADWOMAN!"

Sayo laughed weakly at the exchange, while Rukia tensed up besides her. She placed a hand on one of Sayo's forearms. "Don't panic, but it's here."

"Eh?-!" Sayo blinked wildly.

"I can feel it, spying on us behind that door!" Rukia ran past Ichigo and the girls, who felt an icy chill as she brushed them. "GET READY!"

"AIE!" a terrified wail cut through the air, loud enough for everyone to hear it. Rukia's blade swung through the dusty darkness, managing to cut through the upper layers of a ghostly white kimono. The figure wearing that kimono now was visible to Ichigo and Sayo, as a blurry female shape with long black hair and a pale face. Her sleeves were so long and wide her hands were hidden inside of them, and a faint purplish aura shone around her.

"Begone, Evil Spirit!" Caught in the frenzy of battle by now, Rukia struck again, once more barely missing the ghost's core spiritual mass, but managing to cut some of her hair off.

"No, wait!" the ghost yelled, as Sayo hid behind Ichigo and Risa and Mio paused, wondering exactly what were the other two students were looking at. "I never hurt anyone! Y-You loon, do you want to kill me?-!"

Rukia stopped in mid-dash, confused by the fearful Sayo-like tone in the ghost's voice, and the spirit took advantage of that moment to jump into Mio's body, making her eyes go blank for a moment. "Mio-chan?" Risa blinked, noticing an abrupt and awkward change in her friend's stance. "What happened?"

"She's been possessed!" Sayo cried. "Look out! There's no way of knowing what she'll do next!"

Mio's head jerked aside, and she pointed down the corridor. "Leave now! Don't attack me, or you'll hurt your friend! Just... Just leave me alone!"

Rukia clenched her teeth. "Dammit! You didn't have to take a hostage, sneaky Plus!"

Misa's eyebrows took a very odd shape. "Mio-chan? Mio, are you trying to prank me? It isn't funny! Cut it out!"

Mio only hid her face between her hands. "All I want... is for you to leave me alone! You're all weird and scary! Especially you, doing all those ecchi things with your friend!"

"Oh my God! Your guilty feelings born from your parents' prudish upbringing have given you a split personality!" Risa deduced.

"WE'RE TELLING YOU SHE'S POSSESSED!" yelled Ichigo, Rukia and Sayo.

"I promise I'll abandon this body as soon as you're gone, but only then!" the ghost declared. "I want you to promise you won't come back, either!"

Rukia held her ground. "I can't do that. As a Soul Reaper, my duty is to punish the evil souls and guide the good ones to Paradise. If you're a pure spirit, you have nothing to fear!"

_Somewhere, police states everywhere sneezed._

"You tried to attack me without knowing if I was evil or not!" the ghost shot back.

"You were harassing human beings, and spying on us!" Rukia said. "You gave no signs of good will!"

"I... I only wanted everyone to leave this building as it is. For 400 years, I've lived in this area. I was born on these grounds, and died here as well. The memories tied to this place are everything I have," Mio mused sadly, shoulders sagging down.

"Exactly who are you talking to?" Risa asked.

"But now... now they wanted to take this building down and build a site of terror and grotesquery over the very site of my birth!" Mio lamented. "That's why I had to haunt everyone away! I didn't mind when they took my ancestral home down and built a bathhouse on its foundations, but now... now they were going way too far!"

"What was it?" Rukia asked. "What kind of place were they going to build here? A love hotel?"

"A slaughterhouse?" Sayo inquired.

"A Twilight fan club?" Ichigo guessed. Everyone shuddered.

Mio began to cry pathetically. "A MUNICIPAL DOG POUND!"

"Eh?" Ichigo said.

"Whuh?" went Sayo.

"Say that again?" Rukia asked.

"No, seriously, what are you all talking about?" Risa complained. "Are you all fucking crazy?"

"I've always hated dogs, since I could remember!" Mio paced across the room, hands clawing at the air. "I can't fathom the next decades of my life surrounded by those horrible beasts! Those sinister wet eyes! Those cruel sharp teeth! Those inhuman sounds! AIIEEE! No, I can't even imagine it!"

"But puppies are cute!" Sayo intervened.

"They are Cerberus' hellspawn!" the other ghost cried.

"I can't believe it," Ichigo muttered. "A ghost who's even more of a coward than _you_!"

Risa grabbed Mio by the shoulders and forced her to stop. "Wait right there! If I've understood this half-correctly, you're a ghost who just went inside of Mio-chan, aren't you?"

Mio nodded jerkily.

"A male or female ghost?" Risa asked again.

"Female. Otherwise, I'd have possessed the bleached Nii-san."

"THIS! ISN'T! BLEACH!" Ichigo roared.

"And you were scared because they'll build a dog pound here?" Risa ignored him. "Then why don't you just move away?"

"You can't leave these grounds, can you?" Sayo asked gently.

'Mio' gave her an odd look. "What? Of course I could leave if I wanted! I can roam all around the city! What kind of pitiful ghost is chained to a simple small area?"

Sayo's eyes became blank circles. "I fail at Afterlife!"

_Somewhere in Kyoto, Makie sneezed._

"Eh?" Risa looked briefly at her. "Never mind now, I guess. Ghost-san, why don't you just leave Mio alone and let us look for a new place for you?"

"Never!" the spirit insisted. "Even if I'm not chained here, these are my family's domains, and I'll never abandon them! That's my duty as the last daughter of the Murasame Clan!"

"An old fashioned spirit, huh..." Ichigo rubbed his chin. "An admirable trait, except when it makes you TOO DAMN STUBBORN TO ACCEPT YOU MUST JUST MOVE ON!"

'Mio' huffed and looked away. "You'd never understand!"

"Ghost-san," Risa said in a lower, slower tone.

"What?" the spirit mumbled like a chided child.

"Please, please let Mio-chan go. She means the world to me, and it creeps me out, and yeah, pains me, to see she's nothing but a tool for you. Take my body instead! Yes, use me!" the pervert advanced closer to her, grabbing her hands. "Make me your— I mean, make my body yours in trade for Mio's safety! Enter me! Place your essence within me and use me as you will! Make me your plaything! Fill me all up inside!"

Ichigo turned aside, dabbing at his sudden nosebleed as Rukia blushed and twitched at the language.

The ghost in the (human) shell backed away clumsily. "N-No, you misunderstood! I never said I'd take over this body forever! I'm not that kind of spirit!"

Risa grabbed her face between her hands and whispered huskily, "Enter me and leave Mio-chan as she was before, okay?"

And without waiting for a reply, she slammed her lips onto Mio's.

Sayo blushed crimson and made several interesting sounds.

"Like she's fooling anyone," Rukia muttered. "She only wanted a chance to kiss an actual ghost, the fetishist..."

"What kind of loser acts as if everything can be solved with a kiss?" Ichigo wondered.

_Kyoto. Negi. Negi again. Sneeze. Unexplainable feelings of guilt._

...

**The Second Ghost is a Pain in the Ass-by Ichigo**

As Risa pulled back and swallowed some of their combined saliva, Mio's eyes watered.

"My... That was my first kiss!" she wailed. "YOU STOLE MY FIRST KISS!"

Rukia, Ichigo and Sayo all blinked.

"You said you had been here for 400 years, didn't you?" Rukia asked.

"That... That must have been hard for you..." Ichigo sounded genuinely sympathetic just this once. "To die a virgin…" His eyes watered, and his voice broke. "Just like me…!"

"I thought you were the son of already existing spirits?" Rukia asked.

"No, I mean that's the fate that waits for me. I'm a classic Shonen hero, after all."

"That's my destiny too, isn't it?" Sayo dreaded. "Wait, what's a virgin?"

'Mio' pushed Risa back and sobbed. "I always wanted my first kiss to be with a boy! You've ruined it all! My dreams! My aspirations! Oh, I wish I were dea— Never mind. I'M IN DESPAIR! YOUR CALLOUS ABUSE OF MY VIRGINAL LIPS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

You know what happened to Itoshiki then. No point in going over it.

The ghost sniffled, floating out of Mio's body. Oddly, she did it through the mouth, making Sayo grimace. "I'm done! I have no reasons to go on! Reap me away, Shinigami-sama! There's nothing left for me in this world!" She spread her arms. "Penetrate me with your long, thin sword, thursting it into my nubile flesh and send me to heaven!"

Rukia twitched. "Don't make it sound sordid!" She sighed, readying her sword. "Aren't you making the right decision for all the wrong reasons? Grow up!"

"If she hasn't grown up at all in 400 years, she won't do it now," Ichigo said. "Just do it before her frustration turns her into a Hollow."

"No, seriously, who are you talking to?" Risa asked while she held the dazed Mio in her arms, lightly patting her cheeks. "Mio-chan, wake up! Tell me you're okay! The ghost already left you, didn't it?"

"Aim for the light!" Rukia said, slamming the seal on the pommel of her Zanpakutou's handle on the ghost's forehead... And then, nothing.

Ichigo blinked. "Crap, not again."

Rukia blinked as well and slammed the handle on the ghost's forehead again. "Ow, no, not that way! It hurts! Slay me gently!" the spirit begged.

"She has unfinished business, too?" Sayo guessed.

"What kind of business could take 400 years to complete?-!" Ichigo complained.

The black haired ghost put a dainty finger on her own mouth. "Well... I wanted to see a fair, peaceful world in my lifetime..."

"If you're sticking around for _that_ , it'll be a while," Ichigo told her.

Mio opened her eyes and shrieked, clinging to Risa in a fearful hug. "G-GAH! I see it now! The ghost! She's sexy-cute, but still, a GHOST! Ah! And there are two Rukia-sans as well! One of them with a sword!"

Risa blinked a few times. "What?"

Ichigo looked in their general direction, annoyed. "Oh, great. So this perv had latent spiritual power, too. Direct contact with the ghost must have awakened it..."

"Come again?" Risa asked. "Hey, I had direct contact with the ghost and I can't see anything weird! Other than you, that is."

"Pot, kettle..." Ichigo grumbled. "And that's because you obviously have no spiritual power of your own, duh. Never mind; I'm going to erase both of your memories of this anyway..."

"Whu-What?" Risa's face twitched.

"Do any of you have any objections?" Ichigo asked the token question to everyone else. Rukia and the black haired ghost shook their heads, but Sayo hesitated.

"B-But, Kurosaki-sempai... If Mio-sempai here has powers of her own, couldn't she be useful to us...? Besides, I think stealing memories away is kind of mean..." Sayo ventured.

"How could she help us? By groping Hollows until they surrender?" Ichigo asked her.

"Well, I wouldn't put it above her..." Rukia admitted.

"I... I'm sure we can think of something... Can't we all be friends...?" Sayo gave them the puppy eyes.

_In her house, Takamachi Nanoha sneezed._

"No," Rukia and Ichigo said at the same time.

"Y-You don't want that kind of person as my friends!" the other ghost stuttered, turning her blushing face aside.

Risa looked at Mio. "Exactly what are they arguing?"

"I still don't understand it that well myself..." Mio pushed her glasses up her nose, "But I think it's nothing we can't walk out of with some sweet talking..."

**_Two hours later:_ **

_High School Classroom 3-F:_

"And so, it happens to be this way," Rukia, back in her human body, was tiredly explaining a perplexed Kiri. Sakurako's pet cats sat in a perfect formation around the shut-in. "This other ghost here is Murasame Oshizu-san, and she'll be staying around for pbservation until we're sure she won't become a Hollow. Which I doubt will happen if it hasn't happened in these 400 years."

"Okay," the stunned Kiri babbled.

"And this is Mio-san, who now can see and hear spirits as well, and we've agreed to give her a test period, to see if she can function as a helper of sorts in our operations. She seems good at gathering information from the local rumor mill, so she might be able to help us spot the sources of disturbances sooner..." Rukia continued, as Mio smiled and waved at Kiri. Kiri weakly waved back.

"May I ask who's the girl fondling me?" Kiri pointed at the female clinging to her from behind, making cooing sounds as she felt her up and down. The shut-in's face was serene, but it was the serenity of someone of the edge of a meltdown.

"Ah, that's my best friend Risa!" Mio chirped. "Say hi, Risa-chan!"

"I'm already doing it in my own way!"

"So, what do you do around here to have fun?" Oshizu asked Sayo.

"Oh, normally, we don't have to wait for long before... interesting things happen," Sayo scratched herself on a cheek. "N-No offense, but could you float a bit back, please? Ghosts still scare me..."

The cats all looked at each other.

" _Okay, I'm out of here,"_ Felicia said in Cat. _"I need air, the weirdo-meter's gone up too fast."_

" _I'll go with you,"_ Blair said. " _Maybe we can do it in Negi-san's dorm room…_ "

...

**I have a New Customer!- by The Penguin**

Chachamaru stood patiently as Evangeline finished eating. The other vampire seemed strangely more despondent than Chachamaru remembered her master being when _her_ class had gone to Kyoto. Perhaps she was unwell? She certainly seemed to be consuming less sugar than the master. As she gathered up the dishes, the gynoid asked, "Which dress would you like me to prepare for you this morning, Miss McDowell? Given prevailing meteorological conditions, I recommend the white silk and leather, with the lace-edged stockings and matching gloves along with the white sword-parasol. The ribbons and engravings on the blade would so complement your ensemble."

Evangeline gave her a strange look. "The other me has a sword parasol?"

"She has several. Some were custom-ordered from Gotham city from a relatively well-known ostensibly former criminal. I am charged with the maintenance of her freeze ray parasol, flamethrower parasol, and tesla coil parasol, among others."

Evangeline stared, blinked, and shook her head. "Weird. Your world sounds pretty fucked up." She paused. "Gotham, huh?"

She eyed the phone.

Chachamaru held up a phone number.

"Prepare the white, Chachamaru," Evangeline said, taking the number and picking up the phone…

...

 **My Dream Holiday** **is a Perfect Honeymoon, Sorry for Being That Traditionalist!- by Ai**

_Okinawa:_

"For my next holiday," Itoshiki said dreamily, sitting back on the porch of the beach inn, "I'd like to visit the Happy Tree Village in Mundus Magicus."

"Happy Tree Village, Sir?" Ai asked nervously. It sounded like a place very unlike her dear sensei's inclinations.

"Yes!" he nodded. "It's a whole town built around a huge tree as large as the World Tree! Some say it belongs to the same species! The town has the highest mortality rate in all Mundus Magicus!"

"Ah, I see," Ai said. Indeed, it was clearer now.

"Wherever you step, a swift, sudden death may await you!" Nozomu sighed. "The happy woodland creatures inhabiting those lands have no shortage of legendary ways to die! Time and time again! Oh! It must be _paradise_! I've always asked Ala Rubra to take me there, but they never complied...!"

Ai patted his back sympathetically. "I'm sorry I can't help you with that, so sorry..."

He held a tourist postcard of a happy looking humanoid bear merrily playing ball with his cub dangerously near a cliff, with **We wait for you at Happy Tree Village** written on it. "Someday...!" he promised himself. "Someday...!"

Before that day, Ai had never thought of a possible place to spend a hypothetical honeymoon.

...

**What Kind of Stupid Dream is This?- by Asuna**

Arika didn't realize her sister was hidden there, watching them, until _he_ was gone.

"I'll tell Father."

A desperate chase down the hill. An accidental slip. No one could be blamed, actually.

Yet, now her older sister (of course, Asuna suspected the truth, but she played along) was dead. And Princess Asuna knew it was all her fault.

The little girl with the mismatched eyes and the orange hair stared in terror at the broken body lying before her, limbs sprawled all over like those of a discarded doll. The long golden hair of the still girl was spread all over the grass like a blanket, and her also mismatched eyes seemed to stare into nothingness. Her small mouth was half-open, pink tongue poking out.

"And once again, it is all your fault, Forgotten Princess," a hideous, thick male voice spoke from behind the shocked young female. "As always, you bring misfortune to those around you."

She nodded, unable to cry, yet feeling the pain, grief and horror bubbling inside with no way out.

"Born a tool of destruction, not too unlike us," the demon pondered. "Poor young Arika. So full of life and promise. So human, unlike you. While you shall live to arise nothing but destruction, she is never to know and spread joy ever again."

"Save her," her little girl voice cracked.

"We are not healers. Or rather, our powers cannot heal unless a price is paid."

"Take my life. I'll give my life in return for Arika's."

"My, my," the demon chuckled. "However, that is not enough a reward for me. We feed on suffering, and we know ending your life, so lacking happiness and purpose, would be cause for little actual grief and despair. Especially from yourself. However, we are fair traders. I shall take your life in exchange for this one, as soon as you feel your existence has become truly worth living. The day you get to know true love, and when you feel you finally belong somewhere, I shall claim you as mine."

She nodded. "That day will never come. I'm the Twilight Princess, the Bringer of Doom, the one best left forgotten," and her voice was a child's in nothing but pitch. "No one will ever truly be happy to have me around, as someone to be loved instead of a weapon to be used and feared." A beat. "Um, when you say 'claim me', you don't mean…"

The demon recoiled. "Oh, heaven no! Do I look like an Incubator? Besides, this is kid-friendly fic, decadence, lolis and shotas aside. No, I'm just going to take your life. Besides, I have a little girl on the way. I need to set a good example."

Asuna gave him a blank look.

"What? Just because I'm a demon offering you a soul-destroying bargain is no reason not to include family values into the equation. Like how divorce is bad."

_Somewhere, J** Qu*s*d* sneezed, causing his head to explode, die horribly, and being replaced by an editor who declared 'One More Day' non-canon and removing it on the next yearly cosmic reboot._

"Now, take my hand, then. Let us seal an agreement."

Arika woke up with a start. "Asuna...?"

"Oh, you came back," her younger sister said indifferently. "You slept for a while."

The young blonde sat up. "How am I still alive? I don't even ache. But a stumble from that height..."

Asuna turned around and began walking away, as cold as ever. "You're always so dramatic. We are strong, always have been, always will be. Come. Father should be concerned."

"Will you...?"

"Have no worries. Just for this time, I won't tell him. But I suggest you stop meeting that boy all the same. Nothing good can come out of it."

"Thank you, Asuna," she said respectfully, and began following the one she believed to be her younger sister back home.

_Now:_

Asuna shifted around a few times on the futon, then sat up rubbing the cobwebs out off her eyes. She had a piercing headache, and she had been having vague, troubling dreams again.

It was surely only the stress of watching over Konoka at all times and worrying about those kidnappers. She'd make up for all the lost sleep after getting back to Mahora.

Yes, she told herself before lying back down. That was what she would do...

She closed her eyes and attempted her best to sleep. Konoka sleepily nuzzled against her from the futon at her right. That helped.

...

**Dream Is The Color Of My Dreams, but my Nightmares Shouldn't Be Green!- by Ivy**

In her dreams, she stood in the middle of a gorgeous field of flower, totally naked (naturally), with a soft, warm breeze caressing her greenish skin and her long red hair. She faced an also fully naked (but of course) short female with long blond hair and lazy, vacant green eyes. Her small mouth moved making no sounds at first, until it slowly formed a low chant that somehow shook Ivy to her core.

_"Pa-le moon, pale moon. Cleanses the sinful and makes them a-new…"_

"Who are you?" the redhead asked.

_"Shining brightly, in the night sky… waiting for their souls…"_

"Which souls?" Pamela gave a first step towards her, and then the girl changed, becoming taller the hair shorter. As a matter of fact, it was a completely different blonde now.

 _Who will be born a-gain, to-ni-i-ight? Will they be born a-gain, to-ni-i-ight?…"_ she kept on chanting.

A vine erupted from the ground and wrapped itself around Ivy's right leg, holding her in place, squeezing her flesh. It spoke into her mind.

 **Near the lake. Search near the lake,** the Green spoke to her again. **A great evil that would scorch us lies there. Save us, save her. You are our champion. We cannot trust mankind anymore.**

Ivy stood perfectly still, contemplating the situation. Finally, she nodded several times, crouching down to pet the vine. The stranger continued singing time and time again.

_"Pa-a-ale moon, pa-aa-ale moon. Clean-ses the si-nful and makes them a-new… "_

Then she bolted up to awareness.

Pamela Isley, Poison Ivy, sat up on the bed breathing heavily. Harley, lying next to her, groaned in dreams and tried to clutch her body and pull it back down, making slight humping motions against Ivy's hip.

With a groan of her own, Ivy pushed her down against the mattress, whacked a pillow on her head, stood up, and walked for the bedroom's door.

Harley made a few tiny, cute sounds and snuggled against the pillow, practicing her raw Japanese in her dreams. _"Puddin'... Red... Sa-i-shou-dou-kin..."_

With a shudder, Ivy walked out into the hall. They had... purchased... that whole building story the day before, and while it wouldn't be long before they were found, they'd have left by then. One way or another, this wouldn't take long.

She placed an ear briefly against the door of Wesker's room, distrusting him as much as ever. Only the soft wheezing sounds of the old man's breathing came to her. Good. The last thing they needed was Scarface plotting and scheming his own path behind their backs.

Next, she passed near Killer Croc's door. It was wide open, and the reptilian giant snored on his back, lying on the floor surrounded by mauled stray dogs and a pig Harley had somehow gotten for him that morning; now half of its guts were hanging out of its carcass, and the other half hung from Croc's jaws. He liked his meat raw.

Well, it _was_ nature's own recipe, after all.

Ivy stood near a window and looked out into the dark, silent city. And the hills beyond it. The urban smells, as unlikable as ever, hid any hint of fragrant breeze coming from the green. Ivy tightened a fist.

She'd have to find the blond girl, slay the great evil, and please the Green soon. Very soon, she was sure of it. Tomorrow, she'd look into that lake clue the Green had given her, but first, there was something she had to do in the city. It would be a bother, but at least Harley should get a kick out of it...

...

**A Person's Bane is Another's Bliss- by Caster**

_Mahora:_

"I'm going to work now," Akashi-sensei sighed while he finished fixing his tie. "In the meantime, please, just stay here and don't answer if someone knocks on the door. If the phone rings, don't answer either. It could be my daughter, and... I'm not sure how to explain you to her yet."

She nodded, and he thought she truly understood everything, although he had good reason to doubt she knew what a phone was in the first place. "Your daughter won't see me as long as I wish to remain unseen," she guaranteed. Once again, she had her hood obscuring her elvish features.

He exhaled wearily. "Thank you."

She looked at the portrait of Yuuna on the nearest table. A healthy, smiling, energetic young woman, no doubt. She looked a lot like her mother, the woman in the portrait on Akashi's nightstand. "She doesn't know about magic yet, does she?"

"No. How did you know?"

"She looks happy."

Akashi gave her a curious look before he could reach the door. "Caster-san..."

She waved a hand in his direction. "Never mind. I'm just allowing my own experiences to color my judgment. Don't concern yourself over me, Master."

"Are... Are you sure you'll be okay?"

She smiled and nodded. "I like this abode. Out of all the places I've ever known, this is one of the few that make me feel... welcomed. There is a warmth to it that is almost alien to me."

"Ah... Okay. Thank you. W-Well, I'll try to... come back as soon as I can. In the meantime, you already know where's the food, the bath, the—"

"I can look after myself, Master," she said, patiently. "Go and fulfill your daily duties."

After a brief awkward silence, he nodded, smiled and left.

Caster breathed out, sat before the TV, grabbed the remote, and began using it as Akashi had taught her late the night before. Her former master had never bothered, and while thesummoning by the Holy Grail taught all Servants the basics of contemporary items, terms and related matters, it wasn't very keen on teaching the fine details of popular entertainment. Except for that Rider in the latest war, with his videogame hobby and all that. Even the Throne had its favorites...

Not that she'd canonically know that, of course.

"Ah. It seems they don't show those graphic debauchery stories anymore at this time. What is this? Ugly Betty? She doesn't look that ugly to me. What are this era's ideals on beauty...?"

By the day's end, the perverse world of Soap Operas and Doramas had caught yet another sad victim...

**Who Is This Person Who Comes To Annoy me?- by Anya**

_London:_

Anya Cocolova was closing her small divination stand and preparing to call it a day. She felt tired and more than a bit grumpy, even for her standards, so when she heard the footstep behind her, her first instinct was to ignore it and continue putting away her table until the customer was gone.

However, then the thoughts of Negi's efforts came to her mind. Nekane often called her, telling her whenever Negi wrote, and talking about all the progress he'd made. Anya had promised herself not to play second stringer to him anymore, and that meant she'd give the best of herself in her day to day routines.

Nodding firmly to herself, she turned around to greet the customer. "Good evening, and welcome! What can we do for you... Miss...?"

Much to her surprise, the customer was a girl around Anya's own age, with long white hair and large, bright red eyes. Her skin was very pale, and she wore a thick purple coat with a white scarf. Anya had to admit there was something unsettling about her, particularly her small smile, but she was very, very beautiful in a way Anya didn't remember ever seeing before in another girl, and since she was fellow flat-chested, she couldn't possibly be that bad, could she? Even her voice was small and cute.

…

And all these observations were definitely _not_ a sign she was gay or anything! At all! Nor was this a suspiciously specific denial! At all!

"Good evening," she bowed with perfect manners. "I'm Ilyasviel von Einzbern, although I prefer being called Ilya. It's a honor to meet you, Anya Cocolova."

Anya blinked for a moment, before bowing back. "Oh! Oh, likewise, Miss Einzbern. Come and sit down, please. You... Did you come here alone?" she asked as she unfolded her customer's stool, even as she looked in all directions, not finding any adult around.

"I assure I'm quite able of looking after myself, much like you are," the girl's confident smile became somewhat obnoxious as she took the seat. Anya began regretting not ignoring her. "You know, the sole reason I came here was because of your reputation. It's not every day you get to meet the second highest rated graduate of a junior Merdiana promotion!"

Anya blinked even more. "How did you—"

The girl's smile took another turn for the enigmatic and nasty. If you truly are a worthy fortune teller, you'll learn how by simply reading my future." She extended a petite, fragrant hand over to Anya. "So read. I'm sure you'll find the experience... enlightening."

...

**Oh? My Little Brother Is A Ladykiller?- by Ilya**

_London:_

Anya, truth be told, felt more at ease reading the future through cards, but she had relented quick and agreed to read the visiting girl's hand palm to get her out of her way as soon as possible. Then again, she was regretting it already, since the pale girl seemed to enjoy the feeling of her hand on hers a bit too much for Anya's liking. Or maybe she was smiling at her in such an unnerving fashion for some other reason?

"You are looking for something in life, very desperately," Anya said once she thought she had a good reading. For some reason, the lines on the stranger's hand were difficult to grasp properly. "A goal you have been preparing for through your entire life. However, you also want someone to share that once you get it. You want someone to complement you, to fill a void in your life. For that, you'll head into a very dangerous place. Be very careful while you're there! I can't read the specifics, but your very life could be in risk!"

"I was expecting that," Ilya said very calmly. "That isn't what concerns me now. Tell me more about the person I search for."

Anya gave her a wary glare. "Aren't you still too young for that?"

"I'm a bit older than I look," Ilya replied.

The redhead returned to her reading and frowned. "I don't know, it's hard... I mean, I can see it's a male... Man, or boy? He's a very strong presence, someone people will tend to gravitate around, for better or worse. You'll come to care for him, and vice-versa, but maybe not the way you're expecting. Beyond that... I must admit I'm stumped."

"It's okay," Ilya pulled her hand back, gently. "You did much better than I expected. Most fortunetellers can't say a single thing about me. I'm... special, you know? And so are you. Then again, it should be expected from an elite Merdiana graduate."

Anya tensed up again, a hand vaguely running over the wand hidden into her black clothes. "Exactly how much do you know about me?"

"Far more than you know about me, but far less than I'd like to know," she giggled, kind of disturbingly. "I know, however, you're very close to Negi Springfield."

Anya's mind screamed to her, making her stand up in a leap, the wand springing out of her right sleeve and finding its way between her fingers, aiming between the girl's eyes. Ilya only kept on smiling, making no attempts at defense or retaliation.

_The snow._

_The demons._

_Nekane's recent letter._

_Demons again._

"Why are you here?" Anya hissed.

"Why, I just wanted to check up on you, to see if you were really worthy of my brother's affections," Ilya mused idly, and that made Anya pale and shiver. "I must say I like your spirit, and your instincts! You're defensive of him; I can tell from your reaction, and the fire in your eyes now. You _do_ care about him, and that pleases me."

"Shut up!" Anya growled. "Why do you refer to Negi as your brother? He's an only child!"

"No," Ilya's voice gained a fair amount of gravitas then. "I, too, am the Thousand Master's child, although I ignored it until a few days ago. It's only natural I now want to make up for all our lost time, and that includes verifying what kind of partner would best suit him in the future!"

"Part... ner...?" Anya blinked, going a few shades of red before poking the wand threateningly against Ilya's skull. "N-No way! The Thousand Master was a Hero of Justice who'd never have any children out of wedlock! No doubt you're only a pretender wanting to cash on his legacy!"

"The Einzbern name doesn't need any extra prestige!" Ilya sounded indignant at last after that last sentence. "When I talk about my dual heritage, I do it because it's my true birthright! Just ask anything with _real_ knowledge on the worlds of magic to tell you about the Einzberns!"

"Oh, yeah?" Anya snarled. "Let's see some of the power such a fabled family should have, then!"

"Gladly," Ilya smiled again, closing her eyes and snapping her fingers, all the while whispering a single word like a discreet, yet proud, call. _"Berserker!"_

_All over the multiverse, Ilyas and Illyas all over the place felt a shudder of sympathetic power…_

**Why Must This Brutal Appearance Mark My Destiny? Why Must My Mind be Clouded by This Never Ending Rage? Am I Not, After All, A Man Too? Even if I Find Solace in the Sweet And Pure Company of My Innocent Young Master, Who I Am Definitely Not Lolicon For, I Am Never Touched By Happiness... Ahhhhh, I Mean, RRRAAARRRGHHH ARRRGHHHH ROARRRRR!- by Berserker**

Anya gasped. She took a trembling step back.

The wand shook between her suddenly sweaty fingers, and her eyes looked like saucers trained on the giant looming over her. Ilya only smirked as she folded her arms and stood at the colossus' side. "Do you need more proof of the power of the Einzberns, Miss Cocolova?" she mocked with playful cruelty. "Only one of _us_ could have summoned Berserker, mightiest of all Servants, the son of Zeus himself! True, he isn't a great conversationalist, and you just _can't_ send him out to buy batteries, believe me, but still! Mightiest of all Servants! At **my** beck and call! How's that for you, huh?" she boasted petulantly. "Truly, he is the most powerful Hero of all!"

_In another universe, Illya sneezed._

Anya finally swallowed, measuring the mountain of a man up and down. He had to be the tallest person she'd ever seen, so much she wasn't even sure how he fit inside of her business. He didn't wear much, showing his massive torso full of stony muscles. His skin was dark, in a tone that somehow gave Anya a brief impression of a burnt tree; and his hair was long and black, messy and oily. Then there was the issue of the massive axe-club-mace thing he had in a hand, and which seemed easily bigger than either of the girls...

"I'm going to need a bigger wand," decided Anya.

Ilya put a hand next to her mouth and laughed a little. "Hee hee hoo hoo! You'd have to be Merlin himself or the Thousand Master to stand a chance against Berserker! Do you still need..." her eyes gained a malicious sparkle, "... a better confirmation of our power?"

Instinctively, Anya raised the wand higher, panicking. The giant roared on her face so hard her hair stood up, and then slammed a foot in her direction so strongly she almost lost her balance and footing. However, before the titan could lift his weapon, Ilya gestured him down. "Easy, Berserker. She's a friend."

He growled like a disgruntled dragon and lowered the club, then remained quiet, but keeping his terrifying, inhuman eyes on Anya. The young redhead swallowed again before confronting Ilya. "What's your purpose with this... this beast?"

"What is it to you?" Ilya looked lazily at her fingernails. "That's a matter concerning only members of the Einzbern and Springfield families. To access our secrets, you should marry one of us, and frankly, you aren't my type..."

Anya narrowed her eyes. "You wouldn't be so cocky if you didn't have that giant bodyguard!"

"I feel very confident I can defeat you one on one," Ilya's voice grew serious. "But it's my desire that never has to happen. The more I get to know you, the more I like you! Grown up men would faint at the mere sight of Berserker. Yet, you control your fear, and even challenge me with your stance. You bide your time, and I can tell that even now, you try to look for a way out. That's the kind of spirit I wish for in a sister-in-law!"

Anya started. "What?-!"

Ilya grinned and tightened a fist. "Here, you're only wasting your youth! Greater things than the gray life of a fortune teller wait for you! Come with me to Japan, watch me win the final Grail War, and share my ultimate triumph with my brother and me!"

Anya's now-pale face twitched madly. "What? No. What? Er, ah, why the how the hell...!"

The albino patted Anya's shoulders with both hands. "My brother will need someone who knows and understands him at his side! Alas, I can't be that person... yet, at least... since we've never met. But you're his colleague, his childhood friend, his equal! Together, the four of us will be unstoppable! We could even find our Father! This is the chance of your lifetime!"

Anya, blushing beet red, shook her hands off. "U-Unhand me! You can't just break into my life, dump all that on me, and then ask me... such a stupid thing! L-Like I'd ever want to be Negi's wife or anything! You seem to be under the impression he's a cool impressive guy like his Dad, but he's really only a crybaby simp!"

Ilya waved a finger and hummed happily. "Then all the more reason for us to make him a real man, don't you think? Men are worthless without good women around them to shape them up. Even Father and Father had my Mother and Negi's to support them!"

Anya frowned. "You're only what, eleven? What can you possibly know about men?"

"Hey, you're eleven as well!"

"Yes, but I don't claim to know the first thing about men! Or care about them, for that matter!"

"Oh my!" Ilya put a small hand over her own mouth.

"What?"

"Oh, now I understand! So that's why you wouldn't be interested on my brother, then..." She sighed and looked aside, sulking before brightening up. "But we're in the age where we learn what our path is by experimenting! You still can join the Einzbern-Springfield clan in another way! Perhaps when we get to know each other better…"

"I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING!" Anya shouted. That abrupt change of her tone made Berserker roar at her again, scaring her back. This time he got to lift the club, but Ilya stopped him just as quickly.

"Berserker, no! Manners!"

The huge man muttered and mumbled in an illogical scramble of a dead tongue, his breathing huffing and puffing.

"It'd seem I need to make my point clearer and simpler," Ilya mused. "My brother might be in dire danger, since a great war will rage around him in the near future, and even before that, demons were gunning for him... _for us_. He'll need all the assistance his loved ones can supply him with, and sadly, from what I've gathered, he doesn't have many of those. I understand you're his only real friend, and Cousin Nekane... well... I don't think much can be expected from her..."

"I-I-I need to stay here! That's what the diploma said, and I need to do it if I want to become a Magistra Magi, and— Wait, what have you just said about Negi being in danger...?"

"Danger always stalks the Springfields, no matter where they go," a man's voice called from the door calmly.

Anya looked at the man standing there, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a black suit, and his hair was dark red with a white streak. "M-Mister Blood!" she said.

"Good evening, Anya," her mentor nodded vaguely on her direction. "Nice to see you're finally making friends your age. Maybe now Dr. Occult and Constantine will stop bugging me about it."

"Jason Blood!" Ilya hissed.

"That'd be me, yes," the man nodded again, apparently unaware of Berserker's low grunt, and his shifting to a battle stance. "Irisviel's daughter, no? You're almost her exact copy. Then, Anya, I noticed you were late for dinner, so I came to take you back home. Say good night to your friend already, you can always meet again tomorrow..."

"Berserker," Ilya said through clenched teeth.

Blood sighed and rubbed his forehead with two fingers. "Not like her in that, though. Iris was always a pacifist at heart. Oh, well. _Begone, begone, the form of man..._ "

Ilya aimed a finger at him and shouted, "KILL HIM!"

"No, wait!-!-!" Anya screamed.

The Servant hurled himself at last, far too eager to be unbound, drooling savagely as he swung his club ahead. But it happened right after the spoken spell was completed.

_"Arise, the demon Etrigan!"_

Then, the flash of blinding light, and the stench of sulphur and brimstone. The two girls gasped and coughed, and when they could finally see again, they saw a large figure in red, with a tattered cape clinging to its massive shoulders, blocking Berserker's club with a bruised, bleeding forearm. It grinned, flashing rows and rows of pointy fangs.

And it spoke, gruff and yet mockingly playful.

_"Heracles, Heracles, son of a God. Haven't you heard this is a godless age? Here and now, you're nothing but a clod! Bound to your mindless rage! Still, come forth! Your challenge is accepted! Etrigan won't make you feel rejected!"_

...

**Interlude: Etrigan vs. Berserker- First Row Seats!**

_London:_

The neighborhood Anya had been assigned to had been carefully selected by her teachers in case anything... truly unexpected and potentially disastrous... happened (as was the usual case with people related to the Springfields). Most of the neighbors were people with knowledge of magic (although very few could actually practice it), and thus the damage control in regard to wiped memories would be lessened in the event of any public scandal. Any that couldn't could be blamed on Harry Potter fans campaigning for an eighth book.

Still, exceptions are always an unavoidable thing in _anything_.

Mrs. Anderson lived four houses away from Anya's stand, and she was a perfectly normal, average English woman with a typical failing marriage. Still young but on the edge of losing such condition, and often silently pining for something she felt missing in her life. Something that could give her some sense of excitement, of vitality. Something that would deliver a punch into her gray life...

As she lay on her bed looking at the ceiling and waiting for a husband who probably wouldn't come back until the next morning, she heard a loud, strange whistling cutting through the air and perked up. Then her bed and the whole bedroom quaked, as something huge hit her window from the outside and shattered it.

The woman shrieked, and her shriek became a scream in crescendo as she saw the bulky mass that had been slammed against her wall look over a massive shoulder at her, staring at her with eyes that seemed to be made of crimson hellfire.

The poor woman hiccuped in stunned terror, and fainted back on her bed.

Berserker jumped on the yellow-skinned demon and whacked him across the face with his weapon, crushing him against the sidewalk's pavement. Grinning madly, the Demon reached up with his long arms and wrapped his claws around the Servant's thick neck, trying to throttle him and slice his throat at once.

_"Not bad for a start, you towering beast! My evil blood is boiling now! My inner fire roars, to say the least! So, as they say, let's get on with this row!"_

He opened his jaws and spat a column of fire in Berserker's face, forcing him back with a roar of pain. Rushing to the scene with wand in hand, but also keeping a wary distance, Anya gasped aloud, an amused Ilya skipping behind her.

"Stop this!" the redhead cried. "You could hurt someone! And we'll be made into ermines over this! Gack! My business!"

She could hear people beginning to stir in the closest houses, awakened by all the noise, and she saw a pair of windows with their lights turned on already. Soon, in a few moments, they'd look out at the streets, and while those streets were too dark already, wrapped by the thick London fog, they could make the fighters' true shapes out rather quickly.

Ilya hummed playfully, a finger tapping on her right cheek. "I don't know, maybe if you ask nicely... In a few moments! I want to see what Etrigan, a Prince of Hell, is truly capable of and how Berserker compares!"

"Prince... of...?" Anya babbled helplessly. "You mean that thing Mr. Blood changed into is really a...?"

 _"I'm your condemnation! I'm your obliteration!"_ Etrigan chanted as his fists rained like jackhammers (OF INJUSTICE!) on Berserker, pushing him back down into the street itself. _"Cry for mercy, if you can talk! Or else, again you'll never walk!"_ he mocked cruelly.

"GRRROAR, GHROAAAR GROARRR! RARRRRRRRR!-!-!" Berserker began to retaliate mashing his oversized fists on Etrigan's face, screaming out bestial things and indecipherable nonsense, the ramblings of an utterly mindless beast. "TWILIGHT! ERAGON!"

Ilya giggled and fanned herself with a hand. "You're still a child with a bandage over your eyes, Anya. Unlike me, you're happy just accepting whatever adults decide to feed you with. That's the path of an eternal disciple, not that of a master..."

"Tell your man-beast to stop! Or else—!" Anya threatened. Both brutes were rolling down the street still tearing into each other.

"Or else what?" Ilya asked, darkly amused. "You'll burn me, **second** stringer?"

Anya slapped her instead. Fiercely.

Ilya absorbed the blow with wide-eyed shock for a moment, and then her eyes turned grisly evil as she looked at Anya again.

"You aren't worth wasting magic!" Anya hissed.

With the universal standard of shrieking for the start of a catfight, an angered Ilya jumped on her. Screw elegance, she was an Einzbern, not some zettai ryoukai Tohsaka!

...

**What Happened While I Was Out?- by Mrs. Anderson**

_London:_

"Little deranged freak!" Anya cried shrilly while pulling on Ilya's hair.

"Little insolent, stubborn wench!" Ilya shrilled while pulling on own Anya's hair, undoing two of her pigtails.

Trying a new approach, Anya put a finger of each hand in Ilya's mouth and began pulling her lips apart. "Shut up shut up shut up! I swear you've gotta have the biggest mouth ever!"

"Yurs igs bwigger!" Ilya sweatdropped while she repaid Anya in the exact same coin.

"Gwahhh! Lemmy mouth gwo, wevil witch!" Anya began kicking back against Ilya, Ilya responding in the same way.

Further down the street, Berserker and the demon continued walloping on each other.

"ROAR! ROAR ROAR GWWRROAAAR!"

 _"HAH! You seem truly immortal, my friend! The prospect of such a fight! It comforts the heart of this fiend! Like pain and injury, like distress and blight!"_ ( _Though we're kinda missing out an a catfight…_ )

Berserker fought with brutality marked by irrationality and raw anger, but there seemed to be a distinct innate skill in his movements. At the same time, his opponent battled with obvious cunning and knowledge of what he was doing, but his cruel excitement over the struggle took over most of his decisions. The much-larger Servant had a reach advantage, coupled with his club's length, but Etrigan's breath of fire leveled the stakes in that regard. The hell flames seemed to have little effect on the giant's thick dark skin when they touched him, but definite scorch marks could be seen all over his exposed face and torso by now. Similarly, the demon had bruise marks all over his face, and his jaws bled copiously, but that didn't stop him from continuing smiling.

Low murmurs and troubled conversations could be heard from the neighboring houses.

"I think they're killing each other down there, but I can't see anything..."

"Throw some light down then..."

"I'm not really sure I want to see..."

"I'm sure it's only Anya fighting again. I think I hear her voice..."

"That girl really has issues..."

Etrigan punched Berserker's face again, then pushed him down to the sidewalk and jumped down on his chest. At the same time, Ilya managed to subdue Anya with a few well-placed slaps and a push against a wall. "Berserker!" she called out. "Enough of this foolishness! Let's save this kind of show for actual Grail fights!"

"Grail?" Anya groggily worked back to her feet. Her red hair was poking out messily in all directions. "You really are going to take part in a Grail War? But that's—"

Ilya smiled at her over her shoulder, just as Berserker grunted and returned to spirit form, vanishing before Etrigan just as the demon chuckled grisly.

"Impossible? Nothing is impossible for Berserker and me, my dear sister-in-law," Ilyasviel crooned, making Anya cringe. "But that's been enough for one night. I believe you don't wish to experience life as an ermine, so if I were you, I'd tell your mentor to change back, then retreat before you're found."

"Wait!" Anya began marching after her. "After all of this, you can't just walk away and leave! Tell me, do you really intend to drag Negi with you into... _that_?-!"

"Why should I? This is a matter of Servants and Master, and he's neither. Rest assured, if anything, I'll try to keep him as safe as I can!"

"B-But—!"

"We'll meet again, but it won't be for a while," Ilya promised without looking back. "In the meanwhile, take care of yourself! I swear we'll get you something very sweet when we return from Japan! Ohohohohohoho!"

"Hey, wait a minute—!" Anya tried to run after her, but her attention was distracted when she saw the Demon turning back into Jason Blood, suit and all, fixing his tie. She faced him angrily, still too high on adrenaline to care or be terrified. "And you! What kind of creature are you?-! Does the Dean know about this?-! I want to move out of your—!"

He held a hand up calmly. "First things first. Let's check on Mrs. Anderson and find out who else could have seen us, then settle that whole situation. Then, I'll tell you all you need to know, and you'll make your own decisions from there."

She sulked, but nodded reluctantly all the same. "Very well..."

"Was it me, or she was sort of hitting on you? I mean, in the other sense of the term too."

"I really would like to skip that part of our conversation, okay?"

...

**The Shadow of the Past Is A Reminder Of Our Guilt- by Jason Blood**

After people were tended to, unwanted memories were dealt with, and as much damage as possible was fixed up, Jason Blood and Anya sat at the former's flat, drinking tea as the man began his story. Anya sat in angry but silent frustration, until the first line was spoken.

"In the very early Middle Ages, I served as a Knight of the Round Table to King Arturia..."

"WHAAAAAT?-!" Anya spat a stream of her tea all over the carpet. "DON'T BEGIN BY MOCKING ME! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SERIOUS EXPLA—"

"Anya," he growled humorlessly. For a moment he was scarier than the Demon himself. "Sit down and _listen_."

"... Yes, Sir," she had to comply.

"Despite being born a woman in an age that didn't accept female leaders, Arturia, under Merlin's guidance, was a wise and strong leader to Camelot and its subjects," Blood reminisced. "However, her twisted half-sister Morgan Le Fay and their son Mordred—"

Anya dared to interrupt the tale again, even if more humbly. "I think you mean 'her' son?"

"I meant what I said," Blood calmly replied.

"B-B-B-But how can that even—?-!"

"You aren't ready for that part of the story yet."

"... Okay. I believe you."

"Good. As I was saying before being so crassly interrupted, Morgan and Mordred conspired to take over Camelot and install Mordred as the new King. In that task, they were helped by a traitor inside the King's inner circle, a man who never could tolerate the fact he was being led by a woman."

"Who was that sexist pig?"

"Me."

"Oh! Ah, I mean, well, it was another time, right? It should have been normal, to—" she sweated bullets.

"I freely accept my guilt, and admit my motives were petty. Both greed and prejudice guided my downfall. I showed the invading forces a way inside of Camelot, and even lent the men under my command to their cause. Camelot fell, and the noble Arturia was slain while I fled the battlefield like a coward, betraying both causes. Merlin caught me, however, and placed a hideous curse on my body. I would become the living cage for Etrigan, a renegade prince of Hell, despised even by other demon folk. As long as Etrigan is bound to my flesh, I am immortal, but at the price of having him constantly in my mind, plaguing both my dreams and my living hours. Other than Etrigan, I'm always alone; I've seen everyone who ever was dear to me wither down and die. Many times I have cursed my life, begging the Heavens for a death that never comes... Don't you want any biscuits with that tea?"

"I think I've lost my appetite..." Anya confessed.

"A true shame. I bought them especially for you." Her caretaker took a bite. "Like you saw today, I can briefly unleash Etrigan with a chanted spell Merlin taught me, but I must be careful, or Etrigan could fully take me over. Etrigan loves violence and chaos, although I like to believe he has softened over the centuries... but in the end, he's still a demon, and he can't be trusted, like anyone else of his race," he stated very seriously.

_Zazie Rainyday, in the middle of taking a bath, stopped rubbing her lean body with soap and rubbed her nose. She didn't sneeze, though._

Anya rubbed her temples. "I'd think you're crazy if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Seriously, it's like the hackneyed, fanfic-derived plot of a ninja manga... Wait, what about that giant the crazy girl had? He was as strong as that Etrigan, wasn't he?"

"More or less. Indeed, I figure he'd have a good chance of winning a Grail War. The last one was only ten years ago, but I've heard a new one is coming right now for some reason..." he mused. Anya had the hunch he only was saying a tiny part of what he knew. It bloody annoyed her.

"We must warn Negi!" Anya said.

"She'll probably arrive at his side before your letter does," Blood warned. "The Einzberns are very powerful, and they always get what they want. Trust your young friend and concentrate on your own duties here. You won't be of any help to him as you are now."

"Hey, I only want to warn him! I don't want to g-go there and actually help him against that weirdo and her monster pet!"

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Although that no-good wimp probably won't be able to cope with her alone!" she fretted.

"I'm sure he isn't alone..."

"Yeah, like that bimbo we saw in that webpage is going to be a great help!"

"And Miss Ilya doesn't aim to hurt him, either..."

"A freak like her can't possibly love anyone in a non-hurtful way!"

He smirked. "Perhaps. She reminds me of _someone else_ in that regard..."

Anya only stared at him, offended enough to forget she was supposed to be intimidated by him.

Then he asked, "Would you like to become strong enough to eventually help him?"

"Eh?-!"

"Because I might just help with that..." he lazily mused, biting another biscuit.

"I... Not saying I'd do it even in the event it's safe, but... I wouldn't have to make a contract with you or anything, right?"

_Somewhere, Kyubey sneezed._

"Etrigan has never been the deal-making kind of demon. He always favored just stomping and taking away anything he wanted by force."

"Ah..."

"Either way, I don't allow him to make deals anymore."

"Again, I'm not saying I'd do it, but... What's the first thing I'd need to do?"

He hummed for several moments before casually asking, "Have you ever had a Familiar?"

...

**Is this the Right Thing to Do, Young Mistress?- by Sayoko**

She was there, sitting with her hands on her lap, waiting for her, when Ilya came back.

"Madame," Sayoko bowed her head humbly. "Were your findings of your liking?"

Ilya smirked in that small roguish smile so unlike her mother's honest and warm smiles. "Yes, they were, Sayoko. Thanks for waiting for me, but you really didn't need to."

"It was the least I could do," the dark haired maid replied.

"Anya is hotheaded and stubborn, but I can work with her," Ilyasviel said, taking her scarf off, then the coat, handing them over to Sayoko. "Her lineage isn't exactly illustrious, but still decent enough to cross with ours. She seems very devoted to what she considers fair, and while she's still confused about her feelings, I can guide her around with time. I like her," she concluded, reaching for her skirt's zipper.

"I'm glad to hear that," Sayoko said in a flat tone.

"Sayoko."

"Yes, Madame?"

"You weren't there when Mom and Dad lived with... Dad and Negi's mother, did you?"

"No, Madame. I only met your parents when they moved to Fuyuki."

"Who served them aback then?"

"If memory serves me right, they once told me they had two maids working for them. I believe their names were... Leysritt and Sella, and I seem to remember they went to work for the Britannian Royal House once your mother dismissed them."

Ilya fell into a blunt silence as she headed for the shower stall. "Do you think they were the ones who betrayed Mr. Nagi... I mean, Dad and his wife, revealing they were with Dad and Mom?"

"I can't say anything on that. I ignored a vast majority of what happened in this household before my arrival. Mr. Kiritsugu always wanted it that way."

Ilya exhaled deeply under the flow of warm water, while Sayoko waited outside patiently. "You know, Sayoko, once I'm done with the Grail War, I'll take revenge on whoever destroyed our family before we could ever enjoy it."

"Madame, revenge is only a poison that hurts the soul. Trust me, I know a few things on the subject..." the woman politely objected.

"We should have grown up together!" Sayoko could hear the small fists hitting the wall. "We should have had a real family from the start! I'll never forgive the people who did this! We lost so many years, and will never be able make up for them!"

Sayoko lowered her head sadly. "Yes, of course. I understand. Like always, I'll help you to the best of my capacities, Madame."

Ilya was smiling again when she stepped out of the stall, wearing a bath robe she was tightening around herself. "Sayoko..."

"Yes?"

"From now on, call me 'Ojou-sama', okay? After all, when in Rome..."

"As you say, Oujo-sama. Though, I must ask…"

"Yes?"

"Is Berserker going into the shower with you?"

…

Through the night, there rose a scream of "BERSERKER, YOU PERVERT!-!-!-!-!"

Apparently, even spirit form can't protect you when an offended loli wants to hit you with a mallet.

...

**The Flavor Of A Stolen Protagonism Is Like The Flavor Of Your First Kiss. Sorry, I Meant First Kill. I Always Mix Those Two Up- by Deadpool**

_Kyoto:_

Cinema Town. As we've established previously, it was a place where dangerous costumed freaks and even Twilight cosplayers could roam around freely raising no suspicions– until they sparkled, anyway, at which point they had to run from an angry mob. Of course, there was a limit to even the suspension of disbelief of the naive, awestruck, impressionable, all-too-willing-to-buy 'It's CGI!' or 'We're making a movie!' tourist masses.

Currently, a man was grabbing that limit, forcing it into a doggy position, and roughly caressing its face while taking it from behind. The limit, however, was screaming it could take it…

That man walked lively through the streets, holding a small black glasses holder in one gloved hand and a travelling guide in the other. He wore a red and black costume that covered all of his body, and a full face mask, but still, he was also wearing a fake moustache and a Mexican sombrero over it.

"Heh heh heh... With this disguise, no one's gonna ever recognize me as **DEADPOOL, ALWAYS LOVELY MERC WITH A MOUTH!** " he yelled, announcing his presence to everyone. Realizing he had said it all in English, he repeated it in badly mangled Japanese. Despite the fact he could speak fluent Japanese. " **DEADUPOORU,** 口では常に美しいば **-DESUUUU!** Ahh, I kill myself... Now," he took a quick glance at the guide and the note clipped to it, "let's check this again... blah blah blah, follow my instructions... blah blah, rewards beyond your paltry imagination's limits... yadda yadda, with these disguise glasses I send you with this... yadda yadda yadda, meet me here and I'll introduce you to your teammates there, love and kisses, Sarusama-san. Well, Foreshadowingly Mysterious Unknown Guy or Gal, here am I. Now, where the heck could those bozos be...?" He looked all around as a new, larger shadow loomed over him, and a quick, tall figure jumped onto him from a rooftop, with an unsheathed sword flashing the sun in his hands.

Deadpool felt it right in time to dodge, although not fast enough to avoid having his sombrero sliced by half by the blade. "HEY! You scum, don't you know how many pesos I had to spit up for that in Tijuana... Tio Panchito is an elite artisan in the makin' of those! You just destroyed a priceless piece of artwork!"

The crowd quickly stopped moving around them and gawked. Cameras were pulled out.

"Wow, they're filming another action movie!" a man said.

"It looks even cooler than yesterday's, with the red-haired girl with the guns and the black-haired one with the chain and the two daggers!" another one exposed helpfully for the audience's benefit. On both sides of the Fourth Wall.

The masked man (previously with) the Mexican hat unsheathed a sword himself and charged towards the stranger in the half red, half black mask. "Hey, you're good!" he noted as they exchanged sword swings, the blades clanging again and again as they clashed against each other. "You remind me of someone... Oh yes, my crippled grandma!" He started to win an edge against the attacker, forcing him to go to the defensive until the man just whipped out some gas grenades from a pouch on his belt and chucked them at his feet. "Whoo, now, Chuckles, that's playing dirty... *cough, cough*..." Deadpool added while drawing out an obscenely large handgun that seemed to be drawn by Rob Liefeld himself, "... but if that's the way you want it, never be said I'm one to displease a fella..."

The situation would have raised panic in any other spot of Japan, but there, it was only part of the show.

"Whooo, he's got quite a gun!" a youngster hollered. "Kill 'im deader than dead, man!"

"Yeah, fill 'im with holes, guy!" his punk rocker Gal Fake-Emo Kinda Goth-Loli girlfriend cheered.

"That's enough" the attacker spoke, dryly. "You have passed my first test".

"Test?" Deadpool looked him to the face.

"He did the same to me shortly after I met him!" a blonde child piped in while approaching them, a picnic basket hanging from her right arm, followed by a tiny barking dog. "He's just lucky I didn't riddle him with lead then!"

"Little Red Riding Hood?" Deadpool blinked under the mask, and chuckled at the unexpected 'visit'. He patted her on the head a few times. "Aw, you're so cute. What are you doing here, did you hear me talking about Grandma and came to see if the Big Bad Wolf was already gone? Well, he is, but this guy also blows and hard!"

"Hey, don't mock me because I'm young and pretty!" she snapped back at him. "I'm a professional, First Class Hunter and Killer, in case you didn't know it, bozo!"

"AHEM!" a tall and curvy woman in almost too discreet and normal street clothes coughed at them from a nearby table of an open air cafe. Her hair was black and long, and her face was framed by thick round glasses. "If you gentlemen and lady have had enough picking random fights with each other, may I have your attention now, please?"

Deadpool gave her a tilted, intrigued look. 90% of it focused on her breasts. They looked nice. "Yes. Why, yes, you can. Both of you."

The other masked man looked all across the fascinated crowd, betraying some puzzlement. "So, you were right. They really _are_ that gullible."

The woman shrugged casually. "I must admit years of inducing disbelief in the local populace have made our people... somewhat dense on these subjects. Not like you Westerners are any better. Come closer. I have cast a protection field around this table. The rabble won't notice anything unusual about us, no matter what we do or talk."

"Is that a challenge? You know that's gotta be a challenge. And I can get very very very very very very and very unusual, Missy. Oh, and also very. So, you Sarusama-san, me Tarzan?"

The woman nodded, placing a monkey shaped charm on the table. "Where are your teammates?"

"Deathstrike is fixing her manicure, Omega Red is probably getting acquainted with his fellow local tentacle monsters, and Sabretooth... well, I don't really think you _want to_ know what's Sabretooth doing right now."

"Ah," Chigusa nodded in understanding. "Every team, for some reason, _has_ to have one of those, isn't that right?"

_At the secret base, Tsukuyomi sneezed. Then she went back to having naughty fun with Hansel and Gretel._

_At the inn, Kuro sneezed, and went back to masturbating to the thought of having naughty fun with her sister… and her brother… and her meido neighbor…_

_Also at the Inn, Saotome Haruna sneezed, and just went back to making yaoi doujin…_

"Yeah, well, by the way, what's with Akazukin Chacha here?" he pointed at the pouting red hooded blonde. "Hey, aren't there laws against this? I'm so appalled and shocked... Or is she just hormonally challenged? In that case, I suppose it's alright, but at the same time, it kinda takes away from the forbidden, taboo charm of—"

The little blonde grunted, swung a foot up, and kicked him in the soft parts.

"AH! I was **hoping** for that reaction!" he moaned.

The other masked man gave Chigusa a jaded gaze. "This won't take more than two days, will it?"

Chigusa looked at the now bickering Deadpool and Hood. "If it does, I'll kill myself," she promised.

...

**I'm Pretty Sure This Wasn't Included in the Trip Package...- by Yukino**

For a moment, the thin line of light in the sky was visible to the naked eye over the whole North Eastern hemisphere of Mundus Magicus. It wasn't shiny enough that anyone not directly looking at the sky in that precise moment could notice it, but anyone with good eyesight turning eyes to the sky could see it clearly, even if only for a split moment.

It was the most presence Kikukawa Yukino had ever had anywhere.

"Well!" she sighed after a few minutes of freefall. "After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!'"

_Back on Earth, the Mad Hatter sneezed. "Did someone just steal my schnicht? It's not that loligoth twincesty Batwoman villain, is it?"_

The blond girl falling next to her with the blond Shota hugging her midsection for dear life blinked. "Are you quoting Alice in Wonderland **right now, when we're headed for a body-splattering demise**?"

"If I must die, I prefer it to be with a great creator's words in my mouth," Yukino sighed. "I couldn't think of any good last words myself..."

"Maybe we won't die!" the red-haired girl chirped peppily. "There's no reason to be so pessimistic yet!"

Yukino was reminded of Fuura Kafuka-san from Class 3-F...

"Yeah, maybe we won't die after our bodies hit the hard ground after a fall of dozens stories high!" the blond girl growled, trying to punch the redhead in the head, but failing to reach her. "Do I look like a Coyote to you?-!"

"At least I die happy!" the boy wailed, hugging her body tighter. Now him, the blonde managed to punch him in the head, but he still didn't let her go. Yukino was reminded of Fuura-san's classmate the stalker…

"Haruka-chan!" Yukino put her hands together and raised tearful eyes to the heavens. **"I LOVE YOU!** " she admitted as loud as her lungs could manage. "PLEASE BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE!"

_Kyoto. Haruka. Sneeze._

The blonde blinked, thought long and hard about it, and finally yelled herself, **"TOUGA-ONIISAMA! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T BE HAPPY WITH ANYONE ELSE!** "

_Ohtori. Kiryuu Touga in the middle of lovemaking session with Takatsuki Shiori. Sneeze. Neither of them even noticed._

"Nanami-sama, I lov—!" the boy started, before the girl he was hugging punched him in the head again.

"You should stop doing that," Yukino felt like shyly observing. "You could give him long lasting brain damage..."

"IN TWO MINUTES, OUR BRAINS WILL BE ALL OVER THE LANDSCAPE!" the Nanami girl reminded her.

The thin redhead laughed again. "You guys are so alarmist...!"

"Oh, yeah?-!" Nanami screamed. "Because right now, our fall will be cushioned by a life-saving giant fish flying through the sky, right?-!"

Right then, their fall was cushioned by a life-saving giant fish flying through the sky.

"UNGH!" Nanami yelped as she fell on her stomach, Tsuwabuki falling on a sitting position on her spine. Then Yukino fell sitting on her head, and the pigtailed girl fell sitting on her legs. "OW! GIANT FISH OR NOT, THIS SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME!"

"Nanami-sama!" the boy leaped back to his feet. "Are-Are you okay?"

"Yes, Tsuwabuki!" she yelled. "Because I always feel so great after falling miles down, only to have three troglodytes landing on me! Ahhhh, I can't move my legs! I'm left a cripple! My whole life has just been wasted!"

"Um, sorry, that'd be me," the redhead got up from Nanami's legs. "Can you move them now?"

Nanami grunted, stood back up, and swung a foot into the redhead's butt, making her yipe. "Yes, yes I can!"

The shorter girl struggled to regain balance for a moment, and then confronted Nanami angrily. "Hey, that wasn't nice at all!"

"It wasn't meant to be!"

Yukino, meanwhile, was adjusting her glasses and staring at the landscape down below, which stretched with no end in sight, full of luscious plant life and majestic rivers. "Um, does anyone have an exact idea where we might be right now...?"

Nanami looked down and well and grimaced. "Hell?"

"Heaven!" the pigtailed girl squealed.

Tsuwabuki sighed and hugged one of Nanami's arms, with a blush. "Heaven sounds about right..." He was absently pushed aside, but he managed to avoid slipping off the fish.

...

**Success is Choosing the Right Person for the Right Job- by Zagato**

_Mundus Magicus:_

"So, it happened, after all," the tall man in the dark armor and cape pondered slowly, turning around from his magical wall mirror. "You could still summon three champions to fight in your stead, Princess. However, they are still only children. Any experienced warrior could dispose of them very easily."

The captive said nothing, having collapsed on herself, eyes closed, hands clutched over her flat chest.

Slowly, the imposing figure turned to a subordinate standing respectfully at the other end of the chambers. "Alcyone."

"Lord Zagato?" she asked. She was almost as tall as him, statuesque and full of majestic curves, with deep big eyes and long ebony hair. She wore tall boots and gloves, and a skintight black bodysuit made of a leathery material. All she needed to complete the look was a whip and maybe a corset.

"Go and crush those children," he ordered. "But make it quick and painless. Don't indulge in your habitual excesses."

"Wouldn't your current allies balk at that decision?" the woman asked warily. "You know they are against the general principle of murder."

"They know there are times when it must be done," he replied. "They may be bickering children now, but if the Princess summoned them, they must have the potential for great power. I don't wish to run that risk. Go, but be warned, Clef will stand in your way."

She smirked. "Will he? I have waited for this day." She gripped a long staff between her hands.

"Just be careful your excitement over it doesn't doom your efforts," he warned her, patiently. "Try not to engage in direct combat with him until the Princess' chosen are eliminated."

"My Lord," she bowed, and left in a burst of light.

A beat.

"Alcyone, did you happen to see exactly where your targets were at this moment?" he asked aloud.

She reappeared. "My apologies, My Lord."

He sighed and began writing some directions for her. "Never mind..."

Behind him, Alcyone swooned. _AH! Zagato-sama is so thoughtful…!_

...

**In Any Four Person Randomly Picked Group, Odds Are Three Will Be Idiots... So Why Did I Have To Be The Other One?- by Nanami**

"I'm telling you we must be in Hell!" the blond girl argued. "Why else would there be a monstrous, no doubt flesh eating giant fish with feathered wings flying around? That's not the kind of thing you'd find in Heaven!"

The redhead put a finger on her own mouth. "I don't think I've made enough demerits to deserve being sent to Hell..."

"Oh my God!" Yukino fretted around tearfully. "Sister Yukariko was right! Loving another girl **was** a sin!"

The other two girls and the boy stared blankly at her.

"I don't think that's quite it..." the redhead began.

Yukino drooped. "Pay me no attention. Maybe we should approach this from a different angle. What if—"

Then all four of them shrieked girlishly (yes, even he) as the fish dropped them on top of a giant rock platform floating high above ground level, and covered by tropical vegetation.

Once again, Nanami landed first, her face in the mud, and everyone else fell on top of her.

"Definitely Hell!" she whined as Tsuwabuki helped her back to her feet.

Yukino hummed and looked up at the giant animal hovering over them. "It doesn't look aggressive. If it wanted to eat us, it'd have done it already, I suppose..."

"It's a big sweetie! Like a dolphin of the skies!" the redhead cooed, gesturing with a hand for it to loom closer. It did, and she patted the tip of its mouth gently. "Guys, look, she's adorable!"

"How can you be so sure it's a female?" asked Yukino.

"Well, she's red..." the pigtailed one reasoned. "Show your gratitude too, Meganekko-san! She won't hurt you!"

After a brief moment of doubt, Yukino reached up and patted the fish's face as well. It flapped its wings happily, causing a wind that lifted the girls' skirts up. "AIE!" Yukino shrieked, pushing her skirt back down. The boy blushed and looked aside, the vivid images of three panties burned into his mind forever.

The redhead only laughed. "Now you too, Ohtori student-san, Blondie-kun! Show your appreciation for our new friend!"

The boy blinked, but obeyed rather quickly. He was rewarded with another flap of wings and more panty displays, despite the girls' attempts to keep their skirts in place. A moment later, Nanami punched him in the head again.

"Now you, Ohtori student-san!" the shortest girl said.

"Like Hell I'm risking losing my arm to that overgrown piece of sushi!" Nanami snapped. One moment later, the fish spat a large goop of greenish goo on her and flew away.

Tsuwabuki sheepishly offered her a tissue. She grabbed it, wiped her face as clean as she could, and screamed hysterically, " **This is why I HATE animals!** "

"It couldn't help it, it's just a poor dumb beast..." Yukino argued.

"Takes one to recognize another!" Nanami began to stomp away. "I'll call home and tell Oniisama to come for me! And my team of lawyers! Whoever did this will learn not to mess with the Kiryuu Family!"

"Weren't you just saying we were in Hell?" the redhead asked.

"My cellphone has coverage **everywhere** , and really, as if Hell was an obstacle for a good lawyer team! This is their element, dumb girl!" Nanami began to select a number on her phone, then another one after the first one was a dud, then another one, then... "ARRRGHHH! I CAN'T CONTACT ANYONE! ONIIIIIIIIISAMAAAAAAAAA!-!-!-!"

Yukino blinked, pulled her trusty laptop out of her handbag, checked it still was okay despite the falls, and tried to log in. "The signal is dead here, too..."

"Forget the signal! WE are dead!" Nanami rampaged around. "We're lost in a strange world of nightmares surrounded by flying sea demons! AH! No doubt, next we'll be attacked by clothes eating octopi that will wrap us up into their tentacles, then touch our most private areas in ways no animal should ever touch a woman!"

Tsuwabuki went pale, and then pressed a hand against his nose. And for safety another one over his ass.

"I know it's difficult, but please try to remain in control," Yukino pleaded. "I'm sure we can find a way back if we work together and keep our wits about this situation..."

The redhead nodded energetically. "That's right! I like your way of thinking, Meganekko-san! You'll be our leader in this strange land of the lost!"

Yukino laughed stiff and weakly. "Thanks, but I'm not a leader type, actually... By the way, my name's Kikukawa Yukino from Mahora Academy, 15 years old, High School Class 1-A. In case I need any transfusion, my blood type's A, and I'm allergic to walnuts."

"Huh," Nanami huffed. "For such a wallflower, you sure are interested in giving data on yourself. Well, if that's the way you're playing it, I'm Kiryuu Nanami from Ohtori Academy! I'm 14, and I serve as Vice President for the Student Council! Blood Type B!"

Yukino's eyes went briefly starry. "Vice President of a Student Council...!"

_And blonde...!_

The boy frowned, having disliked that awestruck look a lot.

"Aren't you a bit young to be a V.P.?" the redhead asked.

"My Oniisama is the President!" Nanami stated proudly.

"Isn't that called nepotism?" the redhead asked again.

"That's a term only lesser minds use!" Nanami handwaved the question. "I prefer 'usage of fortunate position to cleverly rise even further in life'! Or maybe 'Third World Corrupt Dynastic Politics'."

The boy coughed. "Well, yes, I'm Tsuwabuki Mitsuru, 12 years old, Blood Type O. I'm Nanami-sama's—"

"Stalker," her crush interrupted her.

"And loyal assistant," he finished.

Yukino sweatdropped. "Maybe **my** romantic leanings weren't so bad after all."

The third girl bounced into the middle of the small group and pumped a fist up. "What's up, guys? My name's Shidou Hikaru, and I study at CLAMP Academy! I'm 14, and I st—"

"What? Fourteen?" Nanami blurted out. "I had you pegged as the same age as Tsuwabuki!"

"So did I, actually," the boy nodded.

"Oh dear. Are you sure you're properly fed?" Yukino worried. "Back at the Tower, I was sure you were at elementary school..."

Hikaru's face, for the first time since their arrival, lost all traces of good humor. "... I don't think you're built much better, Kikukawa-sempai..."

Then another voice spoke from above. "So you are the warriors Prince Emeraude managed to summon..."

All four of them turned around, startled and gasping, lifting their gazes up to see...

...

**The Short Guy is Our Only Hope? Or Is It the Other Way Around?- by Hikaru**

_Mundus Magicus:_

"Who... Who are you?" Shidou Hikaru gasped as they all looked up at the small figure in the resplendent white robes, who towered over them only by virtue of standing on the top of a nearby rocky outcrop. He had short pale hair and large eyes that seemed to be made of ice, and held a long staff, much taller than himself, in one hand. Yukino was reminded of Negi-sensei, although this staff she was seeing now wasn't made of wood.

"I am Clef, supreme Guru of Cefiro!" he announced loudly, although his voice was far from being too manly.

"You won't make us call you 'Super Kami Guru', will you?" Hikaru asked.

"Wrong Guru!" the strange grey haired boy said, before leaping all the way down to land on his feet before the girls and Mitsuru. The latter, Hikaru and Yukino all pulled out cards that read _10.0_. Nanami's read _8.0_. The stranger coughed and said, "Four children! I cannot fathom what Princess Emeraude was thinking, bringing FOUR CHILDREN here!"

"Look who's talking!" Nanami perched her hands on her hips. "I won't be taking that kind of disrespect from an 11 years old!"

The gray haired boy frowned and slammed his staff on her head, making Yukino and Hikaru jump in place. "DAH!" Nanami's eyes bulged out.

"NANAMI-SAMA! I'LL SAVE Y—!" Tsuwabuki began, only to have the same staff coming down on his head a second later.

"I am 745 years old!" the 'Clef' little dude shouted indignantly. "I'm even older than the Apostle of Darkness, so show some respect! Honestly, if I wasn't so sure Princess Emeraude never makes any mistakes—!"

 _Well, other than the whole Zagato thing..._ , he thought. _And that pre-ascension bender with Princess Celestia… and that blind date with Jack Rakan… and that time she went drinking with the Amyrlin…_

"You all saw it! This maniac attacked me without provocation!" Nanami told the two other girls, rubbing the two-stories high bump on her head. "You're my witnesses for the trial!"

"Stop your whining and show some gratitude, young lady." The gray haired brat stomped his staff against the ground once. "If not for me, you'd have fallen to your doom."

"Do you mean... You were the one who sent the giant fish?" Yukino asked.

He nodded. "Indeed."

"My sincerest gratitude, then, good sir!" the student bowed over and over, with Hikaru following her lead clumsily. After a few moments of hesitation, Mitsuru joined in as well.

"Tsuwabuki!" Nanami cried. "Stop fraternizing with the enemy!"

"B-But he just saved your priceless life, Nanami-sama!"

"Fyula is a loyal servant of mine," the 'Guru' explained, now more calmed. "As I understand it, you don't have such creatures in the Old World, do you?"

"Old World?" Yukino echoed.

"Yes. You have been brought from that world to Mundus Magicus, a world born from and sustained by the power of magic. However, as of late, that power has been decreasing, to the point our entire realm is in imminent danger of destruction," the Guru said, as for faces before him grew drained out of all color. "My mistress, Princess Emeraude, was kidnapped by dark forces since she is one of the keys for the survival of Mundus Magicus, protecting the continent of Cephiro, but with her astounding power, she has summoned you rescue her."

Nanami was the first one to regain her tongue's use. "If she's so powerful, why doesn't she free herself? Why don't you free her, for that matter? How are we expected to rescue someone from an evil dragon or witch or overlord or whatever this drug trip came with, when we're all normal schoolgirls, and two of us are brain damaged? Why didn't you summon Superman-sama? Also, _why_ should we risk our lives to help you at all?"

"I'm not a schoolgirl, Nanami-sama," Mitsuru had to remind her of his existence again.

"Are you two brain damaged?" Hikaru asked Nanami and Yukino innocently.

"No!" Yukino said.

"But she said two of us were—"

"Who's Superman?" Clef asked. "Regardless, the mightiest remaining champions of Mundus Magicus have attempted to rescue the Princess and failed. Except Jack Rakan, who can't be bothered with it, apparently..." he muttered bitterly, "and Lina Inverse, who we're afraid would cause more destruction than Zagato. We have even sent the Light Warriors..."

_"So why is it we're going through the Giant's Forest?" the Black Mage asked._

_"Because beyond it is the Cave of No Return," the Fighter answered._

_"Riiiiiight. And we would ever want to go there because...?"_

_"Dude. Weren't you paying attention to the old man-child man who tipped us?"_

_"Not at all. Indulge me."_

_"Within the Cave of No Return lies the Armor of Invincibility! And with that, we can stab a lot of things and rescue the Princess! Duh!"_

_"Wait a minute. If no one has returned from there, how do they know that armor's there? Furthermore, which Princess are we looking for?"_

_"I thought you had asked about that part!"_

_"You know I only care about the massacre and pillaging aspects!"_

"We also sent Xandir the Mighty," Clef continued. "Regrettably, our latest reports on him indicated he suffered an ignominious death involving a Master Sword, his rectum, and two dozen hamsters..." his head hung down in grief.

Everyone else immediately pressed their hands against their backsides.

"I'm not going there! EVER!" Nanami protested.

"But you have a decent chance!" Clef said. "It has been foretold in ancient prophecies, in Mundus Magicus' Darkest Hour, our saviors shall come from the Old World!"

"Yes, I watched the Chronicles of Narnia, too! Still not believing it!" Nanami snapped.

"When do we get to meet Aslan-sama?" Hikaru clapped.

"Eh, the books were better," Yukino opined.

...

**Are You Sure You Couldn't Have Summoned The Thousand Master's Son, Princess? Oh, A Harem? Can't Interfere With That…- by Clef**

"As for your questions about why you should help us," Clef smoothly said, "You can't go back to your world until you have finished your mission."

"Says who?-!" Nanami gave a stomp of her foot in his direction.

"To be honest, there _are_ gateports leading to your world scattered across Mundus Magicus," Clef didn't lose a bit of composure. "They are few, and the proceedings to be allowed passage are often torturous, but they do exist. However, if I know the Princess well, and I do, she has placed a spell on you to prevent you from leaving this world while she brought you here."

"That isn't a very polite thing to do," Yukino voiced her opinion. "If she wanted our help, she should have at least asked first."

"She had scarce options," the little man sighed. "I believe otherwise she wouldn't have brought you of all people. You aren't even magic users, are you?"

All four of them shook their heads.

"Until today, I was unaware magic even existed," Yukino confessed.

"Oniisama and his friends keep talking about a Rose Bride with the magical power to revolutionize the world, and I once had this weird incident with magical curry, but that's all," Nanami spoke next. "I figure it was just an allegory for losing their virginity to an actual girl…"

"Magical curry?" Hikaru asked.

Nanami nodded. "Yes. One of my... friends got a special curry from a strange store a few weeks ago. I put it in the food a despised enemy was cooking, wanting to spoil her meal, but it exploded and made her and her slutty big breasted girlfriend swap bodies. Then Oniisama forced me to travel to India for an antidote. There, I was attacked by wild elephants and— Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Are you sure you didn't just dream that?" Hikaru asked her.

"LIKE HELL I DID! YOU DARE ASKING THAT AFTER BEING TRANSPORTED BY MAGIC TO A WORLD OF FLYING FISH?-!"

"That was a very mean thing to do," Yukino dared to say. "That isn't the kind of thing a world-saving heroine should do!"

_Back on Earth, Saotome Haruna, Saotome Haruna, Misora, Magus Erebus and Maga Alba sneezed._

"DON'T LECTURE ME, FOUR EYES! AND I'M NOT GOING TO SAVE ANY WORLD!"

"Is there _something_ you can use to fight?" Clef asked patiently.

"No," Yukino had to admit.

"I'll fight with the power of my raging love for Nanami-sa—!" Tsuwabuki was mercilessly swatted aside by his crush.

"I'm an expert fencer! Oniisama gave me lessons on that noble art!" Nanami boasted.

"My brothers have taught me archery!" Hikaru answered. "Which is kinda odd, because we own a dojo and everything…"

"Both of those are good starts," Clef nodded, "But they won't be worth much against your enemies if you lack magic. Come closer, kneel before me, and I'll grant you the powers that were fated to you..."

Hikaru gave a step ahead, but Yukino grabbed her by a shoulder and kept her in place. "Ah? What's wrong, Kikukawa-san?"

"Don't be stupid!" Nanami told her. "This pervert obviously wants to pull a Monica Lewinsky on us! Next he'll tell us we must drink the essence of magic from his magical— Ah! I can't say! You evil, evil, midget! Oniisama warned me against men like you!"

"Y-You bastard!" a livid Tsuwabuki told him.

"I'M NEITHER A PERVERT NOR A MIDGET!"

"... Who's Monica Lewinsky?" Hikaru asked.

Yukino patted her head. "Don't worry, everything will be fine. That joke's kinda outdated any way..."

...

**Sisters in Success**

_Kyoto:_

"A laptop? What's she doing with one of those... things?" Kotaro murmured, as he lazily looked over his shoulder to where the swords expert was furiously typing. "Never struck me as the type..."

Chigusa shrugged indifferently. "Probably just surfing for porn. Never mind that, let's just go over the strategy for the day again..."

_iwuvswordsgirl wrote: You'll never guess what! I met my oneesama again! And she's as cute sexy as b4! Do u think i should buy her sumthing first, or take her in a date and then buy it 4 her?_

_iwuvrailgunoneesama gal wrote: Oh, it depends on what she likes. She's the one who likes swords 2, right? Well, I'm no expert on those, but..._

Misaka Mikoto looked over her roommate's shoulder. "Kuroko, don't tell me you're chatting with that creepy-ass girl again!"

"I SWEAR WE'RE ONLY ONLINE FRIENDS, ONEESAMA!"

...

**Couldn't You Have Given That Magic To Nanami-sama First?- by Tsuwabuki**

Finally, Hikaru knelt before Clef, her eyes closed. The tiny man placed three fingers against her forehead and chanted a low, ominous sounding in what Yukino guessed had to be Latin. Nanami crossed her arms and mumbled, while Tsuwabuki stared on dumbly.

Then Hikaru's body jolted up, and her eyes flew fully open. Her lips moved quickly, but no sound escaped them. The other two girls blinked several times, as she gasped and panted for air, and Clef gently helped her back to her feet.

"Then, what happened?" Nanami asked curtly.

"I saw myself naked in my mind's eye," Hikaru spoke, still a bit out of it. "Then I was surrounded by flames, but the flames didn't hurt me, they welcomed me. I felt a big warmth in my heart, and then something I can't express with words..."

Nanami rubbed her chin, clearly troubled, before aiming a finger at Clef. "I got it! Kozue-sempai told me about this! You touched her G-Point to make her orgasm, didn't you, dirty old midget?-!"

"What's orgasm?" Tsuwabuki asked. "Is it tasty?"

"A-Ask y-your parents!" Yukino blushed.

_In another universe, a Green Lantern sneezed. Pointedly, Negi Springfield didn't._

"I didn't do such a thing, and the G-Point isn't in the forehead!-!-!" the Guru protested, before hastily adding, with pink cheeks, "... or so I've heard. In humans, anyway. Now listen, Hikaru. I've just awakened your power, the magic inside of you. From what I saw inside of your mind, your element is fire. However, never use your power unless you need to, at least not until you've been taught properly in spellcraft. Otherwise, your spells will simply backfire on you. You'll also need an activation catchphrase to channel your magic out..."

"Aren't you taking things for granted too fast?" Nanami challenged. "We still haven't actually agreed to help you!"

"Like I told you, you must rescue the Princess if you ever want to return home," Clef sighed. "Besides, Zagato no doubt has noticed your summoning, and he'll send his minions to capture you."

"That's the second time you mention that Zagato fellow. Who is he?" asked Yukino.

"He used to be the High Priest of Cephiro, our homeland, and the Princess' most trusted advisor," the Guru said. "However, he was seduced by the promises of a secret society, and kidnapped the Princess away to achieve their common goals. He is far more powerful than me, and most other magic users in this world, for that matter."

"And you want us, three newbies just plucked from another world, to find and defeat him," Nanami growled. "You want us to go and fight a magical creepy pervert priest?-!"

_Somewhere, Kotomine Kirei sneezed._

"Basically, yes. Mind, it wasn't my decision, but I trust the Princess' good judgm—" Then he stopped in mid-word as a tiny furry white creature flew onto one of his shoulders and chirped into his ear. "Oh, excuse me a moment, ladies. Yes?"

The critter chirped at him.

"Yes, I know you've switched to Geico. What does that have to do with anything?"

The critter chirped more, in a rapid and terrified tone.

Clef's eyes widened. "What?-! Alcyone is coming _here_?-! So quickly?-!"

"Who's Alcyone?" Tsuwabuki asked. "An ally, right? Right? Right?"

"She's one of Zagato's most trusted and loyal subordinates," Clef said.

Nanami facepalmed. "I'll never complain about life at Ohtori again!"

"Quick, teach us magic too, please!" Yukino begged.

"There's no time for that. Alcyone's fast, and even if I unlocked your powers now, you still wouldn't know how to use them against her. I'll grant you a means of escape while I stall her."

He slammed his staff twice in the ground and called, _"Apapa Nanase, Duklyon Babylon! Come forth, Fire Beast Kirara!"_

At that call, a huge four legged beast covered by thick cream colored fur manifested itself, floating right above them. It had two fox-like tails, and large fangs sprouting out the corners of its mouth.

"Is that thing supposed to help us?" Nanami's dislike of animals kicked in again.

"No. Strong as she is, Kirara's no match for Alcyone's dark arts," Clef replied. "She'll carry you to the Forest of the Silence, in the West. It's just beyond the mixed-bath springs of Althena, past castle Anthrax– please ignore the grail-shaped lantern, those horny little minxes like to light it to draw visitors into their carnal webs– on the other side of the river from the Giant's Forest. If you hit the swamps with the Midgar Zolom, you've gone too far. There, you'll meet Presea, the weapon smith. She'll give you the weapons you'll need, and she also can tell you where to find a master of magic. Now climb on her and leave!"

As the animal hovered close enough for Hikaru to climb onto her, Nanami asked, "Where... Where did you find this thing?"

"She's a gift from a friend I once had in Mundus Vetus," he grimly said. "Now don't waste any more time and begone."

"W-W-Will you be okay?" Yukino stammered.

"Alcyone was once my student. Don't worry about me."

"Neither part of that statement answers her question!" Nanami objected as Tsuwabuki helped her climb along.

A vein pumped on his head. "JUST LEAVE ALREADY, WILL YOU?-!"

...

**I Used to Give Rides to Saner People...- by Kirara**

_Mundus Magicus:_

"Clef-san, don't you think we're a _little_ too squeezed in together here?" Kiryuu Nanami complained, sandwiched tightly between a nervous Yukino's back and a blushing Tsuwabuki's front. A thrilled Hikaru had taken the spot closest to the animal's head while petting between her ears. She loved animals. "Why didn't you give us the flying fish again? At least we had more room there!"

"Fyula is far too slow to escape Alcyone," the tiny Guru said grimly, turning away from them and looking up. "Go now! I can feel her approaching steadily!"

"But what about you?" Yukino asked. "Come with us! You still haven't... well, taught us anything about all that magical business you told us about! And if those fellows are as dangerous as you say, they– !"

"I'll stay to cover your escape!" the young looking mage said. "If the three of you are lost, our realm might be doomed!"

"If we're lost, the four of us are doomed! That's enough for me!" Nanami began to spur the beast. "Fly away, stupid hill of fur! Fly away!"

"Clef-san!" Hikaru called out. "Please be very careful! I want you to teach me more magic!"

"I will!" he promised, giving her a smile. "In the meanwhile, remember! Presea, Forest of Silence! Not to be confused with her sister Sierra who lives at the nudist colony that used to be a boarding school! Kirara knows the way!"

As the flying animal quickly zoomed towards the horizon line, he thought he still could hear the children calling out for him, but he couldn't make the words out. So he only smiled and waved until they were only a point in the distance.

Then his face grew grim, as he looked at the dark elvish beauty descending before him, riding a unicorn made of frozen wind. "Alcyone."

"Greetings, Master Clef," she bowed with perfect elegance, a small smile gracing her thin, black painted lips. "It's good to see you're still alive, after that little incident at Seiraag. Then again, I'd have expected no less from my favorite teacher!"

"I taught you magic so you could protect Princess Emeraude, Alcyone," he said. "Not so you could serve those who search for our collective destruction. It fills me with shame to remember I gave you the means to hurt everything I swore to protect."

She laughed briefly. "For someone so wise, you speak boldly without accepting the truth, Master. We are bound to save this world, not to destroy it. But none of us will convince the other with mere words, is that right?"

"That only depends on you, Alcyone."

"No. Again, you're wrong. This has become much bigger than ourselves." She readied her battle staff. "I have come to slay those pesky obstacles! Now, I know you'll never allow me to continue my path to them, so let's make this quick!"

"As you wish!" he prepared a spell of his own.

"ICE BOMBARDMENT!"

"SPIRIT SHIELD!"

And so, it began.

...

**Behold, the Knight of Cerebus!- by Alcyone**

_Mundus Magicus:_

"Master," she said, her tongue pointedly running over her upper lip, her cold hands tightening on her staff. "As much as you may try, you aren't the same man you once were." She barely dodged a few spears of light zooming through the air for her. "If this continues, you will force me to kill you! Submit!"

The small old mage grunted, rolling out of the way of a few projectiles of ice, ignoring the chilling bite of one of them grazing his right shoulder. "Like always, you underestimate your opponents, Alcyone. Your hubris will be your downfall." He summoned a few spiritual bird beasts who swarmed the younger sorceress from all sides, forcing her to counter them with several blasts of ice in all directions... except the front, which was what Clef had aimed for. With a swing of his staff, he sent a wave of concentrated magic against her, impacting her and sending her crashing into a hillside. "And for crying out loud, stop talking like a dominatrix! You don't work at an S&M club in Hellas anymore!"

"Curse you!" she spat, leaping back to her feet. "Will you always be the lapdog of a hopeless cause? Why do you think I left your side?-!" she yelled, zooming through the air for him, managing to dodge his projectile spamming her way, skillfully. "Lord Zagato's cause is fair and noble, and in your heart, you know it!" She grunted as a barrier tossed up in the last moment deflected the swing of her staff for Clef's head, making her back away. "You're simply too stubborn to admit it!"

"You are the one blinded by misguided affection!" he told her, trying to invert the barrier around her to trap her, but failing once she zoomed up and the barrier closed in on itself and collapsed. "You only parrot Zagato's lies without understanding!"

"I'm not the child who studied under you anymore!" They clashed with staffs, not just spells now, the ground beneath them exploding. "You are senile, refusing to see the truth! Only because of your pride in your post, you _dare_ defying Lord Zagato's will!"

"Zagato is no god, and his word is no law!" They were expanding their battle auras now, their conflicting energies pushing so hard they hurt each other. A small trickle of blood ran down Clef's mouth. "The madness of megalomania has claimed him, just like it did to the Mage of Beginning!"

"Lies! Blasphemies! Black words from a corrupted soul!" Alcyone was out of herself now, and her face was horribly strained. "I was a fool, trying to appeal to you!"

"You are a fool, listening to your puppeteers!" Clef closed in, extending a hand and casting a few daggers of light that bit into her side. But the wound on his shoulder was pumping streams of icy numbness down his body, faster as he strained himself further and further, and his head felt foggy and dazed now. Still, he persevered, noticing the pain in Alcyone's expression. "Give up. You said it yourself; we don't have to kill each other!"

"No, I was wrong then! I won't fall to old sentiments anymore!" She pushed back, clenching her teeth, breathing raggedly. "The next strike will decide our fates! Either way, farewell, teacher!" she roared, charging forward and invoking several streams of sharp ice constructs that closed in on her old mentor, just as he did the same thing with his own constructs of spiritual light...

A split second too late.

She felt herself being sharply cut from several angles, but stomached the intense pain with crazed courage and the image of her beloved in her mind's eye. Then she felt the small body passing down right next to her, and heard the gasping choke. Then the thud against the grass.

She coughed violently, lowering her head. "Ah. Frankly, I wasn't expecting this. You just couldn't go all out, could you? Poor old fool. Still," she sighed, "you have hurt me rather badly. But, despite what you might have expected..."

She looked up, breathing heavier now.

"... not badly enough so I can't kill four children."

...

**These People I Have Summoned... Could they Really Do What I Want Them To?- by Emeraude**

"I think there's something flying after us!" Yukino said the words no one wanted to hear, looking over her shoulder.

"What? W-What is it?-!" Nanami had to ask.

"I don't know! It's still too far, but it seems to be coming closer quickly!" Yukino adjusted her glasses for a better look. "Oh, no. It looks like... someone riding another flying animal."

"Is it Clef-san?" Hikaru asked, always the hopeful.

"Too tall!" Tsuwabuki joined the horizon watching, shifting his position around on Kirara's back as best as he could. "Nanami-sama, get down! This might be dangerous!"

"I can't possibly get down between you and this girl!" Nanami pointed at Yukino. "I'm way too tightly sandwiched between you!"

"Ah, I can see it now, too!" Hikaru gasped, looking over Nanami's shoulder. "It's... It's... Not Clef-san!"

"THANKS FOR THE UNNECESSARY CLARIFICATION, SHIDOU-SAN!" Nanami barked.

"Fledging Magic Knights!" the tall, barely clothed woman riding the majestic flying unicorn shouted as soon as she was in hearing range. "Halt, in the name of Lord Zagato! Running away is useless, when it's Alcyone, Clef's premier student, and now his successor, pursuing you!"

"His... successor?" Tsuwabuki gasped. "Does she mean...?"

Hikaru swallowed and went ghostly pale. Yukino sweated profusely and looked on the edge of despair.

"What will you do if we surrender?" Nanami tried to negotiate.

"KIRYUU-SAN!" Hikaru yelled at her.

"There's no reason to waste my life in a pointless fight I cannot possibly win!" Nanami said haughtily. "It'd crush my brother's spirit, and devastate my many fans! As long as there's a chance for life, I'll take it! Not like I'm morally obligated to sacrifice myself for a world I know nothing about!"

"I cannot say a lie. I will kill you, regardless," Alcyone stated.

Nanami became chalk-white. "Eh?"

"But I'll make it as swift as painless as a gentle kiss," Alcyone promised, placing a hand on her leather-ripped, half-exposed, barely decent cleavage.

"HEY! I don't swing that way, whatever the rumors say!" Nanami claimed.

"Just like it was for Clef-san... right?" Yukino's eyes narrowed painfully.

"Sempai!" Hikaru gulped.

Alcyone sighed. "Truth be told, I shouldn't even be asking for your opinion in this. It's unfortunate you have to die in vain for a cause that never was meant to be, but ultimately, it's for the greater good. Blame Clef for dragging you into this, when you see him again..."

"Then it **is** true!" Yukino said. "You **did**...!"

 _"Ice Spear!"_ Alcyone pointed at them with her glowing staff, shooting a wide pillar of ice with a sharp point, which flew through the air faster than the children could see or avoid. Kirara, on the other hand, managed to fly lower and out of its way on time, the gigantic spear going to crash against a nearby floating island.

"Th-That was too close!" Nanami gasped, hugging Tsuwabuki for support, almost bringing him down with herself. "We've got to go down and hide in those forests below, before—!"

"We'll be easy targets on the ground!" Yukino said. "She can freely bombard us from above!"

"At least we have somewhere to hide there!" Nanami argued. "Ah? Shidou-san? What the hell do you think you're doing, Shidou-san?-!"

Hikaru had stood on as best as she could on Kirara's back, supporting herself with a hand planted on Yukino's left shoulder. She raised her other hand and pointed it at the panting, spent, but still challenging and determined Alcyone.

"What are you trying to do?" asked the sorceress. "Did Clef manage to teach you something? In such a short time, you couldn't have—"

Hikaru blanked out from everything but the magic talking to her inside of her head. It sounded like Clef's own voice, soothing and singing a wordless song between wordless indications. It felt as natural as if it had always been there. It told her what to do, to the letter, and it was perfectly logical to obey.

 _"Fire Arrow,"_ she whispered, and then the power exploded out of her. Yukino, Tsuwabuki and Nanami only saw it as a huge expansion of flames coming out of Hikaru's finger and heating the air in a second, making it almost unbreathable, as the flames flew straight into the astonished woman and her ride.

 _No activation phrase? But that's really advanced!_ the stunned, already wounded Alcyone thought dazedly. _How– ?-!_

Hikaru blacked out and fell back against Kirara's thick neck as the whole world seemed to go red...

She woke up minutes later, but it felt like hours. Her whole body ached, and her head felt about to explode. All energy seemed to have left her, and she felt uncomfortable no matter how much she shifted around. Her head rested on Yukino's lap, while Nanami placed a hand against her forehead from the front, with Tsuwabuki nervously looking over her crush's shoulder.

"What...?" Hikaru managed to whisper. "What did...?"

"Calm down, please," Yukino whispered back. "We're fine. Y-You saved us, thanks. I think you... y-you... _got_ her. You shot her right out the sky..."

"Good..." Hikaru deflated with a pained sigh, closing her eyes back.

"You got a high fever all of a sudden," Nanami told her. "What's with this strange world, anyway? Is this what happens to people when they use magic without being prepared for it?"

"Well, I figure we'll have to ask this Presea-san about it, won't we?" Yukino asked.

Nanami frowned and made a long pause before nodding. "I suppose so, yes."

"How long will take us to get there?" Tsuwabuki asked.

"How am I supposed to know?-!" Kiryuu snapped. "The animal's the only one who knows the way, and it can't talk!"

Yukino put a hand on her cheek. "I only hope we aren't attacked again before getting there..."

Elsewhere, in his fortress, Zagato stood before a wall mirror that had just darkened itself. Expressionless, he turned away from it, looking up to Emeraude's bubble again.

"Your champions are fortunate, even if nothing else, my Princess," he said. "But even the best of luck won't hold forever."

Down in the upper bowels of a forest, while Kirara and her passengers flew Westward far away from her, a badly wounded, profusely bleeding Alcyone rested, cushioned by the branches of a thick large tree that had stopped her fall. A normal human would still have died from it, but she was so much more.

She balled up a fist and swore revenge in her mind.

…

We'd have _someone_ sneeze, but honestly, we have too many revenge-addled avengers running around to remember them all properly.

...

**I'm not Interested on Friends with Benefits- by Ayaka**

"Iincho," Makie asked, "What will I do? No matter how I try to approach them just to talk, Ako-chan and Yuuna-chan still try to avoid me!"

"Even you've noticed, huh? Then it's quite serious..."

"Iincho!"

"Well, what do you expect me to do? It's not like I have any experience with _that_ kind of situation!"

"But Iincho, you always say a Class Rep must be attuned with any and all difficulties her classmates may have! You always have said you can understand and synch with all of us! Even Zazie-chan and Satsuki-chan!"

"That's the only kind of synch I'm not interested in having with any of you, Makie-san. So please stop showing leg. It won't work on me."

"Ehhhh! I was only sitting in a comfortable way!"

"Did Izumi-san and Akashi-san teach you how to sit that way?"

"Pretty much, yeah. Why?"

"Never do it again in my presence."

"Uh? But why—!"

"NEVER!"

Ayaka hated that way of sitting.

She really did.

Really.

Okay, maybe if it had been Negi-sensei...

_Elsewhere, Erebus!Negi sneezed, and wondered why he was thinking of that time he did that Pactio with Ayaka…_

...

**The Closeness To That Person Fills Me With Warmth, Despite How Cold She Feels- by Chad**

Under the waning afternoon light, the gigantic dark skinned boy marched back home from his band's practices, carrying his guitar, oily bangs of black and unruly hair shielding his eyes from the sun. He walked in complete silence, and sported a total non-expression. Yet, his mere size was enough to make him fearsome and imposing.

Like a towering Frankenstein's monster (as opposed to the real one, which was a cute little loli), he extended a long shadow behind himself and moved slowly, making his way to Mahora. He never stopped, until he saw the black cat sitting in his path, looking up at him with intense slitted eyes.

Since he wasn't destined to become a Sailor Senshi, the cat didn't talk then. It wasn't a Moon Cat anyway. Still, it meowed loudly at him, as if trying to draw his attention.

The boy crouched down before the small animal and rubbed its head gently with an oversized and careful hand. "Good afternoon," he said, very politely. "Have you lost your way?"

The cat poked its tongue out and licked the large fingers. The young man smiled vaguely, those thick lips barely curving up, and allowed it to continue. Until he felt someone stopping right behind him on the sidewalk.

"Oh," he stood up quickly. "My apologies. I didn't mean to... block your... way," his deep voice slowed down. One of his dark eyes was visible now between the bangs, and it was well open.

Karakuri Chachamaru regarded him with mild curiosity, already noticing his heart rate had gone up slightly. "Good afternoon," she said. "Do we know each other?" She tilted her head a few millimeters to the right in a gesture she had come to copy from a few classmates when they were faced with a similar kind of conundrum. Her local counterpart had not supplied her with any info on the young man, but he was acting as if he recognized her.

"Yasutora Sado, from High School Class 2-C!" he said, a bit too quickly, as if answering to a drill sergeant. Or Sagara Sousuke. "Just a normal student like any other!"

Thunder rumbled ominously.

She bowed. "Karakuri Chachamaru, Middle School Class 3-A." And she looked at the cat. Her data banks on the local cat population, lent by the other Chachamaru, told her she was 'Yoruichi', one of Sakurako's pets. They didn't show who was looking after her while Shiina was away, though. "Are you caring for her?" she asked, crouching down as well to feed Yoruichi with some leftovers from the cat food she had just distributed in the old lot.

"No, I just found her," he said. "I'm sure I've seen her around before, though."

Chachamaru nodded to show she was listening. The cat didn't eat much, and she seemed to be well fed, so Chachamaru figured out she was being looked after. In any case, she'd keep an eye out for her until Sakurako returned. The gynoid stood back up and looked at the boy again. He seemed uneasy for some reason, despite his lack of expression. He was pretty much like Yue around Negi-sensei, only with muscles and more of a chest.

_In Kyoto, both Yues suddenly frowned. "Someone is making mention of my flatness…"_

"Do you like cats?" she asked him.

"I like all kinds of animals..." he confessed, humbly.

She made one of her small smiles. Curiously, his heart rate increased again at the same time. "Yasutora-sempai..."

"Please call me Chad. Everyone does," he said, in a simple but awkward tone, lowering his head.

She filed the info and nodded again. "Chad-sempai, were you already familiar with my existence?" she inquired, flat but gently. She had resolved to collect as much info on the local variants and divergences as possible. It could help them later if similar events and people showed up in their own lives.

He hesitated before answering. "Your Class is... well known across school. Especially since last year's Dodgeball game..."

Last year? Comparing that data to the current timeframe of the Kyoto trip, Chachamaru made a rough estimation of the time divergences between universes, before answering, "I see..."

"You, ah, changed your looks," he noticed. "I like the new hair decorations..." His embarrassed by hormonal gaze was significantly south of hair decorations, but one didn't blurt out right away you thought a girl's breasts had gotten bigger somehow. And had she done something to her skin? It looked different somehow…

"Thank you," she said. It was unusual having boys besides Negi-sensei and perhaps some of the other boys in the Association complimenting her, although some ogled her from afar all the time. "Am I correct in assuming you are heading back to the Academy?"

He only nodded.

"So was I." She began walking along, not looking at him, but not because she was avoiding it. "Since it looks we'll be taking the same route for a few minutes at least, we could walk together if you like," she said. Now that made him blink.

"Oh... Okay," he said, walking at a respectful distance from her. Chachamaru figured maybe he was a bit scared of her, which she was relatively used to. Apparently they found her apparent stoicism intimidating, and some others somehow found strange the fact she often flew around and could cut the bread with knives coming out of her fingers. When they noticed, anyway.

Hopefully, she thought, that peaceful, uneventful stroll together would help him to relax when in the company of the local Chachamaru.

When she entered the cottage, she found Evangeline sitting near a window with reading glasses on and lazily flipping through _Where the Wild Things Are_.

"I saw a boy bringing you," Eva commented. "I'm impressed. _My_ Chachamaru isn't the dating type."

"Dating?"

"It looked that way to me," Evangeline teased, half annoyed, half smirking. "What did you see in that simple gorilla?"

"We only happened to meet mid-way here. Did I do something wrong?" Chachamaru honestly asked.

Eva sighed. "Forget it. Just make my dinner already."

"Understood."

"And I don't want to catch you on dates on _my_ time ever again."

"I was unaware I even was in one."

"Sure you were!"

"But I could set one up for you if that's your wish, McDowell-san."

"To the kitchen already, Chachamaru!"

...

**Ah! Who in the World will become the White Devil?- by Skuld**

_Mahora:_

Takamachi Nanoha was having a perfectly average night. Have dinner, finish the homework, watch some TV, play a few videogames, flip through some manga, ignore the weird sounds coming from Miyuki-neechan's bedroom, hear a mysterious voice calling for her name...

Wait, what? Well, to be fair, Poemi-chan had said _that_ happened to her all the time...

While Negi Springfield and his companions fought to rescue not one, but two Konoe Konokas under the streets of Kyoto, Mahora had become an oasis of peace and calm, with most of their troublesome students and teachers away, spreading chaos through all other corners of Japan instead. It was an unusual state most of those who had stayed behind would have cherished to last forever.

Nanoha, however, being blissfully adapted to functioning in the mayhem without ever becoming a real part of it, felt somewhat lacking in the stillness of those days. Sure, it was great to spend more time with her family, but she had still come to miss her classmates and their quirks, from Poemi-chan's frantic and surreal diatribes to Tomoyo-chan's displays of cosplay complex and Cocone-chan's silent pining over her roommate and her roommate's teacher. Sure, she barely understood such quirks, but much like the fish doesn't need to understand water, Nanoha still felt incomplete without them around.

Now, when someone feels that way in a story like this, their reaction will usually be going "Ah, I wish something interesting would happen!" That normally gathered a reaction from Yggdrasil in the case the individual musing in such a way was an ordinary elementary, middle high or high school student from Japan. Then they would normally send a Magical Girlfriend, talking animal, giant robot, cryptic mentor, ninja assassin or combination of the former to meet the individual and drag them into a wild life of Unresolved Sexual Tension, life or death battles, fanservice, and frustrating Accidental Pervert humor cliches. Then it all could be stuffed neatly into 13 episode-long seasons Peorth would end up collecting in manga and Blu-ray format.

Nanoha, however, was fairly satisfied with her lot in life, and her heart didn't really pin for such cheap thrills. She mostly only wanted her friends to be back already.

Yggdrasil still set her respective chain of supernatural events in motion, though. It was all part of Skuld's plan.

Attracted by the voice ringing louder in her head, she lifted her large blue eyes from her magazine and towards her bedroom's window, staring into the nocturnal darkness outside. She could see faint purplish lights into the distance. Was it a firework show? That seemed unlikely, with nearly everyone away for the time being...

_Yggdrasil:_

Up, up, high above the rest of existence, where the shiny branches of the True World Tree reigned over all World Trees expanded themselves over creation, Skuld watched and waited, smiling to herself.

A small hand tapped a pen rhythmically on her petite pink lips, while the other rested idly over her light keyboard. Thin legs crossed, huge black eyes glinting. A thick black eyebrow rose.

Another piece of the conjoined domino was falling into place. Soon, it would be her time.

_Soon..._

She didn't notice Peorth until the older, taller goddess was looking lazily at her screens, over her shoulder. "Then, who's up this time? Ah, Ferret looks for Single Japanese Girl again, isn't it?" she asked.

Skuld frowned, her good mood suddenly soured. "Yeah. Not like he has a chance this time either, of course."

The buxom Goddess of Roses shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe this time. It wouldn't be the first time. For all we know so far, maybe it won't even be the Takamachi child this time."

"It'll be her," Skuld poked her pen's tip at her laptop screen. "Look at these parameters. For once in this loop, they're rather conventional in nature. At least it won't be yet another 3-A student this time."

"Hmmm," Peorth held a hand on her own chin. "No Green Lantern coincidence event this time, either?"

Skuld shook her head. "Abin Sur of 2814 is still in good health and three solar systems away from Earth."

Both goddesses held a long silence as they watched.

"I feel adventurous this iteration," Peorth mused. "I bet you Takamachi and Scrya end up together this time."

"You're wasting your money, but fine!" Skuld harrumphed. "The logical course of events should be a repeat of the 'Nano Fate' situation! There's a reason why it's the most frequent path of Takamachi-related continuity through the timelines, you know!"

"Oh, that's just your inner les talking!" Peorth mocked.

"What the Nifelheim are you talking about?-!"

"You know what I'm talking about! You wish you could be the Fate to Belldandy's Nanoha!" Peorth let out a brief Ojou laugh.

Skuld turned bright red. "Shut up, maneater!"

"At least I don't have a sick sister complex!"

"I don't, either!"

"Oh, why, sure!"

"Shut up! You're wrong in everything you say! You were the one pushing for vampires to sparkle before we overruled you! You were the one saying we should have put a Star Seed into that Ranma guy! And you're wrong on pushing for Ferret Boy!"

"Time will prove me right!"

"Time isn't on your side here! I'm the Goddess of the Future, remember?"

"It'd take an Act of God to make you an actual goddess, _chere_!"

"Oh, don't start with your fake French again!"

"Betting on Nano/Fate/Yuuno," a quiet, serene female voice spoke.

Peorth and Skuld fell silent and turned to look, baffled, at the newly arrived Rind, Goddess of War.

The tranquil and cold beauty armed with the twin axes looked back, unfazed. "What? I've grown used to the way this world works." And there was a beat. "Betting on Negi/Chisame/Hakase as well, by the way."

"No offense, but your specialty lies far from romance," Peorth told her.

Rind only shrugged casually. "Love is only War applied to interpersonal relationships, after all..."

...

**Things Like This Never Happened To Aunt Lara And Uncle Henry…- by Yuuno Scrya**

_Early that night:_

It was full moon, a hot night in Mahora. The boy could feel the humid heat on his face as he ran, following the loud humming sounds and the smell of scorched grass ahead of him.

Until a few hours ago, he hadn't even known this particular world was inhabited, much less by sapient, mostly civilized humanoids. From what little he had managed to see, they had a nice, even if seemingly magic-deprived culture, but he still didn't feel comfortable with the idea of resorting to any locals for help. This was his mess, and he'd clean it up.

The short and blond young man clad in green stopped near a lake, where he saw the monstrosity hovering over the quiet waters. It had grown to an abnormal size, sprouting several extra pairs of misshapen wings from its back. Its mouth drooled profusely, and the lower part of its body literally burned with an unholy flame that consumed it, only to be kept in check by the creature's heightened healing factor, which repaired the burn wounds as soon as they were made.

As expected, the local wildlife changed for the much worse when exposed to a Jewel Seed.

The boy panted for only a moment before pulling the red gem out.

"You shouldn't be here!" he said. Mutated beings sometimes gained a dim sense of self-awareness and rationality that could often be exploited by talking to them, but the firefly seemed to be too primitive a species for it. It just spat a column of fire in the boy's direction, who rolled aside expertly and thrust his hands forward. From the gem, several thin lines of greenish-looking magical power flowed out into the humid air, compacting themselves to form a circular shield covered by glowing runes.

The being's buzzing grew angrier and louder.

"Return to your original form!" the boy said, manipulating the shield's energies to expand them around the insect, reaching for it, wrapping it tightly. "By this power, I seal you, extracting the power out of you!" he chanted, hoping the gem's so far not-properly-tested-yet capacities were up to the task. For a few moments, it looked that way, but then, at the last second, the fire of the insect exploded in a miniature maelstrom, causing the binds to dissipate into nothing, and the whole lake to burst in all directions, splashing all over the boy, sending him in a tidal wave against a tree.

Even a few row boats that were in the lake crashed against the shore, breaking down against some rocks. The boy spat water out, coughing and working back to his feet, before the monster charged against him, ramming him against the tree repeatedly. He kicked it back and raised another shield. Flying back, the being shook its wings with enough force to create a miniature whirlwind all around them, forcing the boy to stand his ground, gritting his teeth. Eventually, he couldn't keep applying enough pressure into his shields, and the impact of the monster's attack sent him down into the muddy ground.

Taking advantage of it, the insect tried to zoom back in, bursting in flames like a living torch, but the boy reacted in time and projected another snaring net of magic all over it, crushing it down without mercy, making it shrill horribly. Both of them exerted themselves in a struggle that seemed to drain them amazingly fast, until finally, the boy fell to a knee, wheezing and shaking. The firefly flapped back, apparently wounded and spent as well. Its eyes raged crimson for a moment before it flew as best as it could into the woods.

The boy tried to give chase again, but he stumbled and fell on his face after a few meters. His tired body began glowing as his magically adapted metabolism coped with the injuries and magic shortage by assuming a more primal, less advanced, easier to substain, form. He shrank down, growing soft fur all over his body. A long tail sprouted from his spine.

By the time he stopped glowing, there was no trace of the boy anywhere. Only a small ferret on the ground, near a red gem.

Yuuno glared at the gem. "You hate me, don't you?" he said, before falling unconscious.

...

**Nanoha-chan? What Is That Long Furry Thing You Have There?- by Miyuki**

The lights had stopped for a while now, and so had the faint sounds in the distance. However, Nanoha still kept watching through her window for the time being, as if somehow waiting for something. If anyone had asked her the reason, she couldn't have answered with anything but a shrug of shoulders and an "I'm not sleepy yet". Besides, the whole area of Mahora at night was simply beautiful, down to the giant tree in the horizon line.

In any case, Nanoha began feeling sleepy without even realizing it. She slowly rested her folded arms on the window's frame and put her chin on them, and her eyelids came down at such a slow rate she never realized when she fell asleep.

After what seemed to be only seconds later, she heard enough of a heavy rustling of leaves below to snap back to awareness. She sneezed and shuddered, finding the cold nearly unbearable now. The girl looked at her clock, and noticed a full hour had passed. Huh. Well, that explained why she felt so cold...

Then the rustlings caught her attention again, and she looked down, seeing a small brown shape making its way through the garden's bushes. Straining her eyes, she could see it was an animal with light brown fur limping and apparently in pain, and that left her with a single choice...

...

Takamachi Momoko rubbed her heavy-sleep blue eyes and gave the animal her little daughter was holding in her hands a look.

"Mom, he's wounded, and needs medical attention..."

A stiffled yawn. "Where did you find it?"

"I saw him shuffling through our garden, so I put on this coat and went down to help him. But I don't think I can do much for him..."

"Did you remember to lock the door back when you came in?"

"Yes, Mom. So, about the ferret..."

"Is that a ferret? I think it's an ermine..."

"No, Mom, ermines are different. I know it because Negi-sensei has one..."

Momoko sighed and looked back into the bedroom. "Shirou, do you know the number of any veterinarians?"

Low, incoherent sleep mumblings came from the bed.

Momoko sighed. Again. "Tell Miyuki or Kyoya to help you bring it to the school nurse. I suppose she'll do, in a pinch..."

Kyoya-niichan wasn't in his room for some reason, so Nanoha went to knock on Miyuki's door.

"Nee-chan, he needs a doctor. Mom told me you'd help me bring it to Marikawa-sensei's..."

"A-A-At this time?" Miyuki asked nervously, still buttoning the upper buttons of her night shirt, her hair in disarray and her glasses slightly askew. "Geez, Nanoha-chan, are you sure he can't wait until tomorrow? He doesn't look that banged up..."

Nanoha held an index finger up. "Mom told me 'In case she refuses, tell her we're on to her, and we know she can take _at least one hour_ off it'."

Miyuki gasped. "Just give me a minute and I'll be out there with you! I'll just put something else on!"

"What did Mom mean with that?"

"I don't know, ask her!"

"Is there something moving under your bed, Nee-chan? I thought I just saw..."

"Y-Your imagination! Just wait outside!"

...

Marikawa Shizuka lived only two blocks away from the Takamachis, so getting there was no problem at all. The problem was waking up, since she was such a horribly heavy sleeper it took Nanoha and Miyuki almost ten minutes of heavy ringing and knocking to wake her up, and then half that time of waiting for her to drag her steps to the door.

The first thing Nanoha saw when the door creaked open was two huge globes of flesh barely covered by an unbuttoned white shirt. The rest of Shizuka-sensei followed seconds after.

"Yes...?" the tall blonde asked, slurring the words out.

"Sensei, have you noticed you only are wearing an unbuttoned shirt?" a drop of sweat had appeared on Miyuki's head.

"Yeah, well, that's one unbuttoned shirt more than what I sleep with," the blonde yawned. "What's the problem?"

Nanoha held the ferret up. For some reason, the ferret seemed to blush.

"Ah! What a cute weasel!" Shizuka cooed. "Much cuter than Negi-sensei's. Is it for me?"

"He needs medic treatment!" Miyuki said.

"Ah! Well, now that I look at him, yes, he does. But at this time, where will you find a vet?"

"We were expecting you could help with that, please!" Nanoha said.

"Ah? Oh, well, I suppose I can try, yes..."

...

As they walked back home, Miyuki put a hand on her small shoulder. "Relax, Nanoha-chan. She said he'd be okay, didn't she?"

"Yes, but still..."

"I'll bring you tomorrow so you can see him again," her older sister promised.

"Oh, thank you, Oneechan!"

"It's nothing! You don't have to thank me."

"But I'm worried about Kyoya-niichan. He wasn't in his room, and it isn't like him, to walk out without telling everyone first..."

"R-Really, Nanoha, Kyoya-kun is... a big boy now. Think nothing of it..."

"But what if he runs into a thief or the Sakura Lane vampire on his way? If he's all alone, he won't have anyone to protect him! Sorry, I think I've just said something too obvious. I hope I'm not becoming Emiya-sempai..."

"Believe me, Nanoha-chan, Kyoya-kun always carries protection..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Never mind, really..."

...

**Interlude: New Life**

Deep within the woods near the Academy, the creature had retreated into a cavern to rest after the battle. Its remarkable physical constitution allowed it to heal quickly, even re-growing its missing limbs. It hummed and buzzed loudly to itself, flapping its wings even as dozens and dozens of eggs exited its body, littering the whole cave floor.

After a few hours, the eggs cracked open, and deformed glowing larvae crawled out of them, quickly eating all they found in thier wake, from any passing animals to the grass that grew right outside; from the remains of their eggs to the smallest and weakest of themselves. Those who survived grew fast as at a clearly abnormal rate, and soon the hill was full of mesmerizing lights.

The forest began burning.

...

**What Did I Do Last Night? And Am I Still A Virgin? I Am? Damn…- by Yuuno Scrya**

The ferret woke up with a killer headache, feeling his limbs numb and with a funny smell tickling his nose. He opened his eyes to find himself trapped in a small cage that seemed to have belonged once to a parakeet or a similar bird, judging from the lingering stench still attached to it.

Caged like an animal! He wasn't the panicking-under-danger type, but for a moment, his heart still skipped a beat. However, right after that, his mind began to work on an elaborate, precise escape plan to be carried over as soon as possible. After all, he could smell the faint traces of smoke in the distance now, and if he craned his neck up, he could see the first tiny lights in the horizon through the window; the fires had just started again. He had to retrieve that Jewel Seed before it was too late.

His elaborate scheming was stopped when a tall, ditzy looking blond woman with a huge chest came in bringing some food for him. Then he bit her fingers when she opened his cage's door (he fancied himself a gentleman always respectful of ladies, but there were priorities, dammit!), ran for dear life as she was yelping Ouchie-Ouchie-Ouchie, and escaped out into the night thanks to a fortunate kitty door.

Yuuno made his hasty way down the street, hoping his instincts and dazed sense of direction weren't tricking him and he was heading the right way. He had left _it_ at that girl's garden right before she picked him up. He only hoped it still would be there...

Meanwhile, Nanoha finished putting her pajamas on and took a last look out the window. The pretty lights in the distance had started again, and... Oh, God, were those **fires**? Huh, Poemi-chan's wish **had** become a reality after all. Nanoha only hoped not much of the school would be badly damaged, and of course, that no one would be hurt or anything.

She was a born optimist, so she didn't dwell on it for long.

Casually looking down at the place where she had picked the ferret up, she saw the wind lifting a few leaves, revealing a round red jewel that had remained hidden underneath. Nanoha's already large eyes grew simply huge...

...

**_Chachamaru-chan's Night-time Errand!_ **

Evangeline A.K. McDowell, the Dark Evangel, etc, etc, sat on her bed wearing white silk and leather, with lace-edged stockings and matching gloves as she furiously tapped on her wireless controller, playing one of the fighting games the other her had left her, _United Magical Girl Association Unlimited!_. Outside, night was in full swing, taunting her with her inability to hunt in it properly.

She was currently playing through story mode, which had turned out to be an enormous, ridiculously complex visual novel of a monster. She'd already managed to unlock the other Boya's Magia Erebea form– which had her raising her eyebrows in surprise– as well as his 'True' Magia Erebea form', although the game hadn't called them that. It said some very interesting things both of the Boya's potential– both of them– and their confidence in letting such normally sensitive information publicly available, even in the guise of a fighting game.

She was in the middle of fighting the Boss battle of the other Boya's storyline– which to her combined amusement and frustration was an annoyingly Nintendo-Hard That One Boss version of _herself_ – when the game suddenly froze, a message popping onscreen.

Evangeline cursed, pressing the buttons of her controller, but to no avail. The batteries were dead.

"Oh, for crying out loud…!" she grumbled, reaching for her emergency gamer stash of batteries next to her bed, her hand patting blindly at it as she popped the used batteries out of the controller with the other. Her patting hand met empty air. She turned, and sighed in frustration. It was the bane of every gamer: the real world was butting in.

"Chachamaru!" she called out.

The door opened, and the other Chachamaru stuck her head in. "Yes, Miss McDowell?"

"I need more batteries!" she said, holding up the spent set from her controller. "Go down to the store and buy me some batteries right now! Enerloop ones!"

_In Europe, Ilya and Berserker sneezed._

Chachamaru nodded. "At once, Miss McDowell."

"And no skipping off to go on dates this time!"

"I was not aware I had done so, Miss McDowell."

"Or going off to play with dogs!"

"As you say, Miss McDowell."

"Or cats!"

 _Damn!_ Chachamaru quite definitely did _not_ think. "I hear you, Miss McDowell."

"Or kittens!"

 _Double damn!_ Chachamaru also quite definitely did not think. "I understand, Miss McDowell."

"Well? Off with you now!"

As Chachamaru left, Evangeline sighed, making sure the game wasn't likely to unpause any time soon before she flicked off the screen. Straightening out her dress, she quickly undid said straightening by lying back in bed and reaching for her PFP to pass the time.

Outside her window, purple lights flickered in the distance…

...

**Kyaa! I Haz Mad Ninja Skillz!- by Takamachi Nanoha**

When Yuuno finally made it back into that garden, his frustration skyrocketed when he saw the gem was gone. The only footprints on the ground around him were small, and the only smells his newly improved nose could get from that spot were those of her body. And from what he managed to see when the girl had brought him into the house, she was the only child of the household. So it stood to reason to think she had grabbed the gem, and she probably still kept it with herself.

He only needed to find her bedroom and sneak in there.

Oh, man alive. He'd never been good with women...

_All over the place, male manga leads and Kuro sneezed._

Pushing those hopeless thoughts back, the ferret managed to make his way into the residence. It had been hard, with a body as small as this and lacking opposable thumbs, still hurt and aching all over, but he reached a window and opened it enough to sneak in. Landing with a thud on the carpeted floor, he picked himself up and dragged himself upstairs.

He paid attention to the doors, sticking his ear to them and letting his animal hearing listen to any signs of childish activity in there...

"Oh! Oh! Shirou! Right there! Right there!" a woman was shouting in the first room he found. "Oh yes! Harder! Harder!"

Blushing crimson, Scrya moved to the next door.

"Oh! Oh! Kyouya-kun, right there! Right there, yes!" a familiar female voice was crying there. The one with the glasses? "Oh yes! Harder! Harder!"

What kind of people lived with that poor child?

The third time was the charm. Only tiny sleeping sounds came from the inside, those of a very young person, delicate and feminine. Bingo!

Now he only had to figure out how to get in.

Pushing the door didn't work. Scratching at it would only get her to look down, pick him up, and carry him back to the busty blonde. Now, the busty blonde _was_ very nice looking, but there were priorities right now, dammit. Priorities he'd make any sacrifice for...

Sighing and making a mortified face, the ferret braced himself, pulled his head back... and started bashing it against the door as hard as he could.

After a few moments, Nanoha woke up blinking, sitting up on her bed. "Who's there?" she yawned.

The knocks continued, but no one answered.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…" Nanoha crawled out of bed and stumbled for the door, opening it only to find no one before her. She thought she felt something rushing in between her bare feet, though.

Blinking, she looked down, and she thought she caught the briefest glimpse of _something_ hiding under her bed. The girl crouched down and looked in there, but she found nothing on the floor beneath. Shrugging to herself, she yawned again and went back to sleep.

The ferret finally exhaled, allowing himself to drop from his gripping position. He had been clutched to the mattress' bottom, at an angle he had bet the girl wouldn't be able to find him at. It had paid off, and now he could continue.

Carefully sniffing around and peeking in all directions, he saw the red precious object resting on top of the girl's nightstand. Finally, a stroke of luck! Enthused, he climbed his way up there and caught the perfect sphere between his teeth.

Then the girl's eyes flew open. "Ah-hah! I _knew_ it was you!"

Yuuno made the best girlish shrieking sound a ferret can make with his mouth busy, jumped down from the nightstand, and ran like hell out, through the door the girl had luckily forgotten to close. The girl ran after him.

"Stop right there! You're still hurt! How did you escape Marikawa-sensei!-?"

Definitely, it wasn't shaping up to be his night.

...

**There Are Things That Should Have Remained Forgotten- by The Shield**

_Tokyo:_

"I want to ask you something," she said, placing the edge of her sword gently but firmly against the man's throat, as she stood behind him. She was well aware she was starting the conversation in what had to be one of the worst possible ways. She didn't care at all.

"Then ask," he said, in the same even, confident tone he always had used with her. There was no way of mistaking it.

"Why are you alive?"

"I could ask the same thing from you, child," the man answered, looking out his office's window, watching over the darkened city as if his life wasn't in immediate jeopardy. "I had been led to believe the Senate's underlings had you murdered roughly ten years ago."

"I'm sure you mourned," she all but hissed, poison dripping under the cold control of her tongue. "Years before that, I had you executed," and her voice grew more serene but even harsher, pressing the blade further against his throat, a thin trickle of blood coming out. He barely flinched. "Give me a reason why I shouldn't finish what I started back then."

"You'd achieve nothing through it. That man truly died back then, child. By striking me down, you'd only hurt all those who depend on me now."

"Then, do you admit someone died for you that night?"

"You out of everyone should know sometimes, death is a path that can be walked back, my dear. I see we are alike even in that." There was a low, dry chuckle. She snarled in response. The chuckle stopped. "Going back that road has changed me."

"Yes. You have changed your name, Emperor, or will you ask me to call you Naba Tetsuo as well? You also have changed your empire, from a political one in the New World to a financial one in the Old Realm. But these are all the changes I can see in you. I still can smell the old stench under your false skin."

"Very well. I suppose it's possible Fate has decreed I haven't paid enough. Strike me down again, then, if you consider that will please your heart. Maybe it's the best thing I ever could have done for you. In trade, I only ask for you to leave my youngest child alone."

She followed his gaze to the small portrait on his desk. She looked at the smiling face of the brown haired girl with the small mole under one eye.

"As you know, when an emperor is toppled, both his princess and his subjects suffer," he said. "Or didn't last time teach you that?"

The blade remained where it was.

"If I had ever wanted _your_ child hurt in retaliation, I would have done it, long ago," he spoke when it was clear she wouldn't talk back.

The edge pressed tighter. The crimson line on his skin became thicker.

Now he didn't say anything, either.

And then the blade wasn't against his throat anymore.

"I can give you all the answers you want," he spoke again, without looking back.

"But you won't give them," she said. "I'll learn the actual truth, whatever it is, myself. If I don't like what I learn, this sword will meet your neck again. All the way through. And I'll make sure to burn the body this time."

He nodded. "I'd expect no less from you. If nothing else, may I ask how you eluded my staff? I'd like to know if to fire them or not..."

Then he noticed she had just vanished as if she never had been there. No door or window seemed to have been touched.

"Hm. If that's your way of telling me it wasn't their fault, thanks. I'll accept it," he told no one in particular.

And he smirked. "Thank you for giving my faith in the future back, as well."

There were three, after all. His dream project could be realized.

...

**Decisive Moment!**

Darn, this girl was persistent.

Yuuno had, through a combination of good luck and hard effort, managed to escape the house only to have her still after him. She had put on slippers and a coat while going after him, which he guessed was a testament to her capacity while pursuing a cause, hopeless as it could be, but frankly, he had no time or desire to dwell on that now.

It annoyed him how she kept running after him even after he reached the sidewalk and headed down the street. Honestly, were all children in this world like that?

"Ferret-san, come back **right now**!" Her tone was imperative and almost angry now, and somehow, it almost tempted him to go back, fearing for his life for some reason he couldn't fathom, just feel. But he still kept on running. Hoping to lose her already, he crossed the street and ran into a convenient empty lot. He didn't know a lot about girls, but he knew girls used to fear wandering into empty lots at night. That was a constant between young girls of any and all civilized worlds in existence...

Without hesitating, the girl ran into the empty lot, right after him. "I've got you now, Ferret-san! I know this place too well! I play here all the time!"

What the Hells was wrong with this planet?

_In another universe, Green Lantern Yuuno Scrya sneezed._

Sure enough, she corralled him near a corner. He gulped, backing up against a large billboard reading **Mahora Lex-Mart coming here-Soon! Just like we said in the Sayo/Bleach chapter!** and doing a full body shudder. The tall shadow of the small girl loomed over him in a sinister fashion with the kindest, cutest of all smiles.

"Bad Ferret-san! Bad!" she gently chided, picking him back up as he whimpered. "You can't get out of bed while you're still recovering! You're almost as bad as Dad! Geez..."

Then she wrinkled her tiny nose. Yuuno tensed up in red alert.

"What's that smell?" she wondered aloud.

Then they heard a nearly deafening buzz exploding all of a sudden, and saw the large, deformed insect flapping its wings over them, shining as brightly as it was menacing. Its lower half seemed to be made of flames. It was a smaller firefly than the one he had fought hours ago, but still, much more than he could handle right now.

 _It's reproduced!_ Scrya thought frantically. A beat. _Damn it! It got laid before_ ** _I_** _did!_

"What... What is that?" Nanoha took a wary step back.

Then the creature vomited fire in her direction.

...

**It's Not The Best Moment To Be Understaffed!- by Minako**

_Mahora:_

"VENUS CRESCENT BEAM!"

As the energy attack pulverized another bug in mid-air, Sailor Venus took only a brief moment to wipe the sweat off her forehead.

"Man, there's no end to them!" the blond Senshi complained. "And they seem to pour from everywhere, making their source so hard to track! Any luck on your side, Ami?" she asked, tapping on the small device strapped to her right ear. Artemis and Ami had worked together on it, to allow for communications during conflicts with non-Senshi allies (the list right know only amounted to Ami herself. Minako was hopeful Tuxedo Kamen would accept one as well, but so far she hadn't gathered the courage to tell him. Considering how flirtatious she was, that was highly telling).

"I've hooked up to the police radio and the Mahora Emergency System, and they're in the dark, Minako-chan," Ami's voice told her. "I don't expect much useful info if the mages want to keep the origin of the outbreak covered."

"Figures," Minako blasted another firefly charging at her. "This doesn't look like the Dark Agency's style. These things aren't stealing life energies away or trying to find Star Seeds; they only burn everything they fly into. Argh, we should have Akira-chan here! Her water based powers are right what we need!"

"If we're going to run into more of these monsters in the future, we should look for Sailor Neptune first," Artemis noted, remaining near his owner. "She should have powerful water blasts, too!"

Minako nodded while chasing another bug. Artemis had told her he didn't remember everything on his prior life, but he at least seemed to have a decent idea on what could each Senshi do, based on what they did in their past incarnations. "You sure you okay there, Ami?"

"Yes, the fires haven't reached this area yet," the short haired girl answered from her dorm room. "I'll tell you if... Wait a moment, I have a call." She switched to another line. "Good evening? Oh, Mom! Yes, I'm fine, thank you. No, it's just a bit hot tonight, but otherwise, I feel great," she smiled. "How are you? Oh, already reached Vienna? That's nice. Yes, well, Mom, sorry, but... I've got to study, so what if we talk later? Uh-huh. Okay. Sorry... I love you too. Goodbye!"

She cut the second call with a sigh. "I feel like a complete heel, lying to her all the time."

"Hey, it's for the cause of Justice!" Minako's voice chirped.

"True, but I can't help feeling bad. She always feels bad around this time of the year... More nervous, more protective of me. I wonder why..."

"Haven't you ever tried to ask her?"

"She only told me it was my imagination, but I'm not so sure, Minako-chan... But enough of that! Maybe I can't be of much help, but I'll still try to do as much as I can! I'll hack into the Fire Department's reports now!" And her fingers tapped over her keyboard again.

Sailor Venus smiled to herself, pleased at her friend's drive and devotion. Then she ran into another firefly...

"VENUS CRESCENT BEAM!"

...

**You Can't Look Good Unless You're Doing Good- by Vigilante**

_Mahora City:_

Breaking into the apartment had been easy. As expected, Takahata's contacts had gotten him multiple shielding and protection charms, barriers and alarms over the years, but nothing that could stop or even delay a Servant specialized in infiltration, stealth and cover attack.

It hadn't been anything, compared to that break-in, twenty years ago...

The Vigilante moved through the apartment like a living shadow, his cape undulating behind him silently, almost like an extension of himself. As he scanned the apartment with sharp blue eyes, he remembered the train of conversation that had brought him there...

" _Takahata, you say?_ "

" _Mmm-hmmm," Rin didn't even bother to look up from the book she was reading. "He's one of our teachers. His specialty's Art, but he's actually much better at fighting. He's knowledgeable about the world of magic, and it seems he belonged to the old Ala Rubra team for a while, but he can't use magic himself," and she gave him a strange look over her reading glasses. "Do you know him? You sounded quite shocked when I mentioned him..._ "

Rin unnerved him. She never bothered to ask about Vigilante's prior life, but sometimes, she gave the impression she _knew_. Back in Mundus Magicus, barring that time he'd run for mayor… and that ill-advised team-up with the 'Justice Ducks' (even though Neptunia technically wasn't a duck)… and those days the mayor had held in honor of him… and that cartoon series about him… and that movie… and the movies after that… ahem, he had always kept a more or less secret profile (not always by choice. Morganna had always told him he liked the public spotlight too much for someone who tried to be a nocturnal masked vigilante), and thus, his occasional involvement with Ala Rubra's exploits were not public knowledge. But still, a lot of important people _knew_ , and Rin had inherited a lot of connections to such people.

He pushed those troubling thoughts to the backburner (most thoughts about his Master were troubling and best left unexplored in-depth, after all) while he examined the pictures in Takahata's rooms. As expected, he kept no images of his old comrades in display anywhere. Not even Itoshiki's, who could be excused as a current colleague. Then again, Vigilante had gathered the two of them still didn't get along too well. Good to see at least some things didn't change over time.

It looked like Takamichi had found himself no family of his own, or even meaningful loved ones, in all the time since they had met for the last time. His apartment, while neat and clean, felt soulless, empty. Even the books in sight were all perfectly mundane and ordinary, with only some treaties on martial arts being uncommon and exotic. All of them from Mundus Vetus, though.

Looking for hidden treaties and volumes would probably yield little in the way of results. Takahata, while always methodical and organized, had never been the type who kept journals, and any relevant books he had acquired ever since, he'd probably have left them with Albireo, assuming he was still alive as well.

Vigilante pondered leaving a note for him upon his return, but finally decided against it. Their paths didn't have to cross again. For the sake of both parties, it'd be better if he stayed out of the surviving Ala Rubra's way from now on, and vice-versa.

Still, it had been nice to visit and confirm the boy was still alive and well, even if lonely.

As he went back out into the cold night, he saw faint purple lights shining in the distance, coming from the Academy area. That made him frown. He had a sudden blunt sensation of danger about those lights. Well, if danger was involved, there was only one thing to do.

"Let's get dangerous," he told himself before swinging into the darkness, following the direction of the lights.

...

**Contract, Part 1: 100 percent Kyubey Free!**

Nanoha braced herself. No time to think of a better course of action, much less to move away. She closed her eyes and for some reason, the last thing she saw in her mind's eye was a beautiful blond girl with long twin tails...

– before feeling herself pulled out of harm's way, encircled by thin and soft but powerful arms. She opened her eyes again, finding herself in the arms of a Sempai who always worked at the Chao Bao Zi...

"K-Karakuri-sempai?"

"Are you okay?" the green haired girl looked down at them. They all were floating way above ground level, with Chachamaru's boot jets keeping them stable in mid-air.

"I'm flying," an amazed Nanoha blurted out. "I've never flown before! And, yes, I'm okay. You too, Ferret-san?" she looked at the animal in her arms. He nodded. "Ah, I didn't know ferrets could nod..."

The firefly growled (despite the fact Nanoha was pretty sure fireflies couldn't growl) and charged up at them, but then a large metal blade grew out of Chachamaru's right forearm. Keeping Nanoha secured in place with her left arm, the taller girl whispered a heartfelt "I'm very sorry," and sliced the giant insect apart with her blade. Nanoha cringed, but made no sound save a choked gasp.

As the halves of the firefly hit the ground, Chachamaru landed gently on her feet, carefully setting the small redhead down. But then, two more giant fireflies flew in buzzing furiously, spitting fire in all directions. Chachamaru produced a second blade from her other arm.

"How do you do that?" Nanoha asked.

"Go back home, please," Chachamaru assumed a battle stance. "I'll cover your escape here."

"B-But I can't leave you here, alone! Come with us! Those things could hurt you!"

"The possibility of sustaining major damage in this battle are around 0.0003 percent," Chachamaru said, stabbing a firefly in the head, trying to hit where it would sever the nerve links transmitting pain instantly so the poor thing wouldn't suffer. It wasn't its fault it was a murderous beast threatening everyone around it. "Go. I'll be fine."

Nanoha bit her lower lip and fled after seeing several more fireflies approaching. "I'll bring help!" she promised, running back toward her home.

Yuuno noticed the red gem was reacting now, glowing more and becoming so hot in his mouth it actually hurt his small tongue. He spat it out, grabbing it between his furry paws.

"What were those things? Why are they attacking us?" Nanoha wondered aloud as she ran.

"They're Jewel Seed spawns," the ferret said.

"Jewel Seed? What's a Jewel See—?" the girl stopped immediately. "Wait, did **_you_** talk just now?"

Then she saw two red eyes glowing in the darkness ahead. Another mutated insect was scouting the area. Before it could spot her, Nanoha swallowed hard and leaped between a lamppost and a trash can, ducking low and hugging the ferret tightly. "They're everywhere..." she whispered.

"They won't stop multiplying until the primary is sealed," the ferret whispered back, making Nanoha's skin crawl. "And I know only one way of doing it. I can't do it as I am now. But the gem seems compatible with you. You might be able to pull it off..."

"Eh?" she blinked.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be asking this from you," he lamented. "But I'll reward you properly as soon as I can, I swear it."

"Rewarding me? For what?"

"I only want you to lend me some of your strength for a short while, until this situation is sorted out, and I can reassume my task... I know I have no right to ask this from you, but many innocents could get hurt if we don't act soon..."

She gulped. "My house's too close! Are you telling me I can stop those things from burning it down? I'll do it!"

"I warn you, it might be not easy at all..."

"Forget that, I'll do it!" she said. "What do I have to do?"

...

**_I Believe My Public Speaking Skills Are Improving… – by Karakuri Chachamaru, Ala Alba_ **

Chachamaru didn't nod as the little girl– the ferret holding Raging Heart was a large clue to her possible identity– turned and ran while she faced the creatures. They were grossly deformed, asymmetrical, physiologically improbable, but bore enough similarity to identifiably be the same… let's call it "species". Her arms reconfigured, shifting to her plasma guns. The insects swarmed her, or tried to. Without a rescue to worry about, she was free to reach maximum acceleration. She darted back, and three shots later it was over.

Her sensors scanned for more creatures as her arms reverted, and she knelt down to examine the creature's remains. The remnants still twitched, but already the pieces were starting to dissolve, reduced to dark bits as their fire went out. Chachamaru had never seen anything like it, exactly, but she could hazard a classification. Obviously, magic was involved. Her sensors were detecting EX-type mana, the kind used by the Wolkenritter, Tempus, both Green Lanterns, Black Reaper and the Broken Magistra, among others. It was fading now, but what remnants she could detect followed no mathematical formula she knew of that anyone utilized. It was just randomly distributed power, which explained the look of the creatures.

Chachamaru checked her pockets, confirming she still had the batteries she'd been sent for as more of the creatures began to appear, fire flickering from their tails. After securing her purchase, she drew out her Pactio Card, just as the faintest bit of hesitancy in her movements as she held it up. " _Adeat_ ," she said, offhandedly backhanding one of the creatures as it tried to take her from behind.

There was a rush of power, refilling her spring's reservoir of magic as several hardware components– her tail, wings, new ear antennae, her concealing face plate with it's extra sensor package– were attached and integrated into her systems. She tucked away her targeting laser, her targets were too distributed to be an efficient use of her Artifact, but the added protection and sensory abilities her face plate and antennae added were a definite advantage.

As she prepared to continue fighting, one of her subroutines activated, bringing up her "Magical Girl To Do Checklist". Chachamaru paused a moment a she digested the data, then darted back, putting some space between her and the creatures. She landed on top of the wooden fence that surrounded the lot, and balanced perfectly as she stood tall, panels in her ear antennae sliding back as her speaker prongs extended and music began to fill the night.

_Kurikaesu sekai nando te wo nobashitara…_

"Beings of magical indeterminate origin," Chachamaru proclaimed, doing her best to emulate her mistress's manner and not doing very well at it, "cease this random destruction and violence! Mahora Academy is a peaceful university town with an unfortunately high incidence of mad scientists, invasions, and public nudity! Creatures of malice and predation such as yourselves are not welcome here!" Chachamaru declared, then conscientiously added, "unless you have passed the requisite entrance examinations and been admitted as students or teachers, in which case you will still be needed to conform to school regulations!"

Chachamaru supposed she was getting better at these speeches. At least no one fell asleep this time.

_In Mundus Magicus, an elf sneezed._

" _You okay, Vaarsuvius?"_

The swarm attacked, armed with pincers and fire. Chachamaru met them in all her glory. Blades met magically engorged chitin, tearing the natural armor open, snuffing out their unnatural flames.

She hoped maybe-Green Lantern-chan's alternate and Yuuno-san were all right…

...

**Contract, Part 2: Still No Kyubey In Sight!**

"Take the gem. Hold it firmly in your hand," the ferret instructed. Nanoha obeyed quickly. "That's it. Now..."

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Yuuno Scrya! Look, that really doesn't matter right now!" he sighed. "Now, repeat after me..."

"Scrya is your given name, or your family one?"

"My family one, although I was adopted, actually. I never got to meet my— Ahh, no, let's not talk about that! We have to—"

"Then you're a foreigner?" Nanoha guessed from the order of his names.

"Yes! Yes, I am! Now just repeat what I say!"

"Okay," Nanoha nodded, feeling the almost unbearable warmth in her palm. "Hey, this is very hot."

"Close your eyes," Yuuno ordered.

"Close your eyes," Nanoha repeated.

"Um, actually, that was just a command, not something you had to repeat yet. Sorry."

Nanoha sighed and obeyed.

"I, accepting this mission..."

"I, accepting this mission..."

"... through this ancient contract, command you to bestow your power upon me..."

"... through this ancient contract, command you to bestow your power upon me..."

"The wind is in the sky, the stars are in heaven. A driven heart is in my chest..."

"Um..." Nanoha cringed for a moment at the undiluted cheesiness. "The wind is in the sky, the stars are in heaven. A driven heart is in my chest..."

"I call the magic into my hand..."

"I call the magic into my hand..."

Then she felt it blazing in her mind, and it all made sense. It was as if she had been born for that moment, and all of her life had been a lead up to it. She knew instinctively, or maybe remembered, what she had to say next, and she said it before the ferret could.

Nanoha raised her hand, opening her eyes again. "Raising Heart!" she called forth, feeling as if she was reading from a cue card in her brain. "Set Up!"

A mechanical, female voice seemed to call back from inside the jewel. _Stand by, Ready, Set Up!_

And the whole street was bathed by an all consuming pink light, coming from the jewel and sweeping up and around, attracting the attention of the closest fireflies. Chachamaru saw it as well, and smiled softly to herself before flying in that direction.

When the light subsided down moments after, Nanoha found herself breathing hard.

"It's amazing..." Yuuno breathed reverently. "I didn't really think it'd work..."

Going back to feeling like a normal girl who had just gone above her head, Nanoha asked nervously, "W-What now, Yuno-san?"

"Concentrate! Think of a weapon! Picture in your mind the kind of weapon you'd like to handle, and the outfit you'd feel the best in! Your own magic will do the rest!"

Bands of the same white light flashed around her, molding themselves to her skin, evaporating her clothes off and replacing them.

A white blouse appeared around her chest, loose enough to be comfortable, but tight enough to look functional and elegant. Two soft pink bows on her hair took shape, dangling like bells. Next came a long wrap-around skirt modeled after something she saw in a video game, in pure white with blue cuffs and trimmings, such as a big bow on the back and lacy frills and scalloped edges. A heart emblem on her chest (inspired by Sailor Venus memorabilia) hung like a necktie, and nice, heavy shoes, excellent for stomping, covered her feet.

And then, the long, impressive looking white staff with the golden end and the gem embedded into it appeared in the air before her. Without a moment of hesitation, she grabbed it firmly, and it felt like being reunited with a fond old friend.

All of this elaborated, SCM-inspired transformation sequence took place in only a couple of minutes, but for any magic user, the first transformation sequence is the longest. So Yuuno now stood there with a stiff tail and huge blank eyes. "Oh my God! I-I-I didn't know it'd happen _this_ way! Sorry, I'm so sorry!" he bowed frantically. "I should have looked aside!"

Nanoha looked down at him, curiously. "Why so flustered, Yuuno-san?"

"Ahhh, I, that is, never mind." Then he gasped and pointed in another direction. "LOOK OUT! Over there!"

Three of the same huge fireflies were coming in, blowing rings of fire in the around, flying through them as they zoomed in. Nanoha grimaced, stood her ground, and readied the staff in her hands.

Well, now this would be a difficult starting test...

...

**(Not) Marvel Team-Up:**

"Sniff gas, evil bug-eyed hellspawn!" Vigilante proclaimed grandly before shooting a canister bullet at the firefly's face. The gas caught on fire and made the insect's head explode, which was good, but the explosion was so big it hurled the Servant back against a wall of the nearby church, which was bad. "Ouch," he mumbled while picking himself back up. "Good luck I didn't feel that..."

Two more fireflies zoomed on him from above, spitting rings of fire in his direction. Acrobatically, the small figure pirouetted back, shooting a grappling hook around one of the bugs' antennae, then swinging it against the other one, making them crash on the burnt grass.

"Hah! Primitive creatures like you will never match the peerless wit of— YOW!" he felt a burst of fire in his feather tails, forcing him to pat his butt desperately. "Curses! A sneaky strategy!"

Another bug buzzed furiously hovering behind him just as he turned around to face it. Before the caped figure could counter-strike, however, a red rose flew from a nearby rooftop and sharply pierced through the firefly's head.

"The nocturnal times should be a curtain of safety for those who walk amidst darkness, not pyres consuming the innocent!" a male voice said. "Flee, evil beings, if you can understand me! Because I'll have no pity on you otherwise!"

Vigilante blinked, looking up at the man with the mask and the top hat. "I think... you got the wrong person..."

The human blinked back. "Oh. Oh, it's you... the duck-man from the yellow tabloids, aren't you? I never thought you'd be real..."

"Right," Vigilante crossed his arms. "And you're... Sailor Venus' boyfriend, isn't that right?"

The young man did a surprised double take. "She isn't my girlfriend!"

_In Nerima, Haruna's dad sneezed._

"Your little sister, then?" the duck questioned. "Eyewitnesses have said you always show up to save her at the last moment."

"We just happen to cover the same cases, that's all!" He leaped down to Vigilante's side, looking him up and down at him. "That isn't an actual costume, is it? I mean, under the hat, the cape and the purple coat."

"100% natural," Vigilante pulled a sleeve up and pinched himself on the arm. "Don't ask."

"Well, I've seen weirder things in this job," Tuxedo Kamen smirked.

"Wish I could say the same," Vigilante huffed. "Throwing roses? People will never take you seriously that way."

"All the better for me. It makes the bad guys keep their guard down. And may I say I approve of your fashion sense." He looked all around at the scorched Mahora grounds. "Any idea on who's behind this?"

"Nope, nope, nope," the duck murmured. "It's just these monsters popping all over the place, but there's no apparent mastermind. Any suspects on your side?"

"I have a few recurring enemies, but this doesn't fit any of their styles," the young man said with concern. "Then, do we have a gratuitous and pointless fight before teaming up for real?"

"Tell you what, kid. First we eradicate all these things, and then we have our gratuitous and pointless fight, okay?"

He shrugged casually and smiled. "Fine with me. A nice change of pace." He looked away, seeing a dark skinned nun fighting more fireflies by throwing exploding crosses and immobilizing seals at them. "Hey, you aren't into human females, are you?"

"Are you into ducks?" the duck sourly shot back. "Look, isn't that a Catholic sister?"

"God is all about sharing..."

"Won't Sailor Venus be angry?"

"I've told you, she isn't my girlfriend!"

...

**_First Flight! STILL Not A Green Lantern!_ **

Gulping hard, Nanoha swung her staff forward, trying to bat the three fireflies away before they could burn her. Her swing, by itself, didn't have enough reach, but the weapon reacted at the proximity to the enemy anyway.

 _Protection_ , it spoke, in a perfect, even if stilted and accented, English.

And a large red barrier, a forcefield of sorts, glowing in scarlet, deployed itself around the girl, intercepting the insects in mid-flight, bouncing them away. They slammed off, one slamming hard into a tree and squashing under the force. The other two wove around drunkenly, stunned, and wandered off.

"Amazing...!" Nanoha breathed out at last. "It was so easy! I'm a real superheroine like Sailor V now! Oh, and I think I'm going to be sick. Poor thing...!"

Yuuno hummed, looking carefully at the staff. "It seems your weapon of choice uses a system of 'programming' that allows it to use offense and defense magic. I doubt it's purely defensive, or it'd most likely have manifested itself as a shield instead of a staff."

She blinked. "Wait, are you telling me you weren't sure how would this work?"

"Well, I couldn't get it to work this way for me before, but I'm familiar with intelligent weapons in general, although it's not my specialty," the ferret answered. "Let's see, if it works for you anything like it did for me, or as is the case with most intelligent weapons, as a matter of fact, you'll need to supply it with your spiritual energy."

She grimaced. "Will it suck my soul out?-!"

"No, not like that!" he waved his paws. "Your spiritual energy can be renewed after use as long as you don't abuse your own exertion. Now, these... what do you call them here...?"

"Fireflies?"

"Yeah, well, those. They were created from contact between a Jewel Seed and a local insect that was infused with dark energy. If my guess is right, that insect has laid eggs that quickly generate more, smaller duplicates of the same monster, infused with the same energy..."

Nanoha nodded. "Okay. Then... Then we need to find the mom?"

"Yes. Eliminating the source of the original Jewel Seed power, the copies should stop spawning, and probably even collapse altogether. To do it, you must activate the sealing functions of your staff and return the original insect to its natural form."

"How do I do that?"

"Are you sure you really want to do it?" He still warned her. "That will be more dangerous than what you just did..."

"Well, I can't turn back after this, can I? My family and friends rely on me, didn't you say it yourself? No time for second thoughts now!"

Yuuno nodded, already feeling proud of this girl. "Right. Much like you did here, you have to put your mind and heart into what you want to happen. Then the device will assimilate and transmit your intentions to the core, which will accommodate the weapon's functions to your intended goal."

"In Japanese?"

"Just wish it to happen, and the staff will obey you."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, to a reasonable limit, anyway. It's not like you could wish for it to eradicate all wars forever or anything like that..."

Nanoha looked downright adorable disappointed.

"Errr, you could still try to stomp one war at a time, though..." he said.

She brightened. "That's better!" Dear God, she actually sounded SERIOUS! "Her name's Raising Heart, by the way!"

"'Her'?"

"Well, I think she sounds female, don't you? I heard her name in my head when I was transforming!"

"Ah."

"Yuuno-san, if I'm talking to a ferret, then hearing names in my head isn't really any wor—"

"I wasn't criticizing! Really! Well, now, to find the original source, you should try—"

"Maybe I could help with that," a soft, polite sounding feminine voice interrupted him in turn.

Nanoha and Yuuno looked up to see a green haired, curvy girl coming down from above, safely landing on her feet. Her face was covered by a curved, featureless black plate of metal, and she had what looked like metal cat ears on her head. Small jet wings were affixed to the small of her back, and a tail swished between them.

"Ah, Karakuri-sempai!" Nanoha exhaled in relief. "You're okay, after all! Thank God!"

Yuuno sniffed, feeling a faint unnatural smell about this newcomer. He was fairly sure she wasn't a biological humanoid, and not for the fact she flew; flying biological humanoids were as common as flies in some other worlds.

"Karakuri-sempai, this is Yuuno-san!" Nanoha held the ferret up before Chachamaru's face. "Yuuno-san, this is Karakuri Chachamaru-sempai, waitress at my favorite academy restaurant!"

"Ah... hello," he meekly held a paw up. She already had seen him talking, so there was no point on hiding it from her.

The gynoid bowed. "Pleased to meet you, Professor Scrya." She looked at his eyes. "I assume you haven't been given a Green Lantern ring yet?"

"A what?" the ferret blinked. _How does she know I'm a…?_

"... Never mind. I have scanned for active sources of magic pulses across this area, and accounting for other known or similar sources of magic, found what I believe is the central manifestation of this incident. Follow me, and I'll give you your first few pointers on flying along the way." She grabbed Nanoha by a hand and began taking flight with her.

"You mean I can fly, too?-!" a bewildered Nanoha asked, as Yuuno grabbed her arm and began running a million questions of his own in his mind. "Hey, not even Sailor V can fly! ...I think."

Standing on a nearby rooftop over a pile of broken fireflies, Sailor Venus watched them pass from afar, with a distraught expression. "Artemis, why can't **_I_** fly?-!"

...

 **A Fool's Errand** **May Still Be An Important Business- by Konoemon**

"The good news is since most of the campus is deserted due to all the field trips, there are very few eyewitnesses. The raging fires give us a good excuse to evacuate those remaining students and staff, and we're telling them we suspect the fires are man-made. Some kind of gas leak," Gandolfini grunted, nursing his aching arm after a particularly intense pang of pain. "We're wiping the memories of anyone who saw one of the monsters."

"Good, good," Konoemon nodded.

"The bad news is, not only are we still ignorant how those creatures broke through our barriers and if there are more on their way, but we're so short of fighting staff, we're fighting an uphill battle, Sir. We could use Takahata and Touko, or even Itoshiki and Nekonome..."

The Dean sighed and stood up from behind his desk. The brown furred cabbit sitting at his feet perked her ears up. "Mya?"

"There'll be no need for that, Gandolfini-kun," the old man said serenely. "The students on their trips will get suspicious if several of their teachers are called back, and they need their guidance until they come back. I'll handle the loose ends personally."

"Sir?" the dark skinned teacher was taken aback.

Konoemon smiled. "I suppose I'm still in enough shape to lend a hand every once in a while. Besides, I'll have special extra backup! You don't worry about me, Gandolfini-kun. Just have that arm checked up, and then go back to your post and continue helping your colleagues. You've done well, son. Congratulations."

"Sir, I'm honored," the younger man bowed before retreating quickly.

Once alone, Konoemon's voice grew grim and serious. "Trickster," he said.

The air behind him shifted as the Heroic Spirit took physical shape in the office. He wasn't very tall, but still towered over Konoemon's small frame. Bright yellow clothes. A large, demented smile. Tiny nose. No ears. Bulging eyes crisscrossed with thin red lines. A shiny bald head, with a yellow pimp hat decorated with a white feather on top of it.

Wicked-witch green skin. Not the sexy Elphaba kind of wicked witch, either. The old-school, non-sexy, warty kind of wicked witch.

"You rang, Master Old Timer, Geezer Supreme, Champion of Adult Diapers?" the insane voice sizzled mockingly, full of dark amusement.

There was a single nod. "Of course I did. I have an errand for you, Trickster."

...

**First Boss Battle Starting, Master- by Raising Heart**

Finally, they arrived to the site where the largest firefly of the whole colony (and we know real fireflies don't travel in colonies or swarms, so don't even point it out) was, which was an old storehouse near the main Academy building. Of course, little was left of the storehouse by now, other than a flaming structure about to fall down. Several dozens of smaller fireflies buzzed in circles around the, for a lack of a better term, queen.

"I'm pretty sure fireflies don't work that way..." Nanoha sweatdropped as she and Chachamaru landed safely at a prudent distance.

"Are you two sure you can seal the main creature?" Chachamaru asked. She had never personally seen Green Lantern or Black Reaper use the Sealing functions of their Devices, and was sort of vague as to what that entailed.

"It should work fine enough," Yuuno nodded, hoping he looked more confident than he felt. "But we'll need you to destroy the secondary drones around it so Nan... my friend here can locate and attack the point where the Jewel Seed is."

"Not a problem," Chachamaru nodded briefly, as a blaster cannon popped out of each arm of hers, making the ferret gasp.

"I don't even really know what is a Jewel Seed yet..." Nanoha lamented, fanning herself with a hand. The air all around was hella hot.

"Suffice to say for now, it's the thing that changed that insect into a monster, and it must be sealed to finish this off!" Yuuno repeated, waving a paw quickly. "We'll have to get close, and then we'll be able to find the exact spot where the Seed is located! Are you ready?"

Nanoha gulped and braced herself, nodding once. "I am!"

"Karakuri-san?" the ferret looked up at the gynoid.

"Ready," the robot took precise aim with both weapons, as the swarm began noticing them, sending a few of their ranks against them. "Do it now!"

"Nanoha! As I taught you on our way here!" Yuuno yelled.

"Right!" the girl gripped her staff even harder and shouted, _"Flier Fin!"_

Instantly, the twin pairs of tiny pink wings materialized themselves around her feet, and she shot herself up and ahead while Chachamaru blasted the insects that went after her with unerring accuracy. The air felt like a hellish furnace as Nanoha flew closer and closer, occasionally batting a few minor fireflies getting into her way down, but she persevered, and in a few moments, she had made her way right before the towering main monstrosity, which seemed to burn inside, and had sprouted several extra pairs of antennae, legs and wings.

"Where?-!" she screamed, to make herself heard over the infernal sounds of all encompassing buzzing.

"Feel it! Try to find it with your mind and heart!" Yuuno shouted back, clutching to her left shoulder. "And then strike right there, without doubting!"

In the back, Chachamaru fired mechanically– how else?– all the while considering that piece of information. _Nanoha…?_

**First Boss Victory!**

Nanoha inhaled deeply, relaxed her nerves, and tried her best to feel the presence Yuuno had repeatedly told her about. She knew she had to do it quick, despite Karakuri-sempai's helpful cover fire, so she put her mind and heart into it, forgetting everything else for the moment.

Then she could feel it in the back of her mind, telling her where it was, and her expression hardened (although very cutely). Nanoha swung Raising Heart forward, and shouted over the maelstrom of the fiery chaos.

"Raising Heart! Enter Sealing Mode!"

 _Sealing Mode, Activated_ , the staff spoke as it sprouted wide white wings, deploying a strong field of magic before itself.

Nanoha aimed it at the main monster's midsection. "Lyrical Magical, Jewel Seed Seal!"

She still wasn't fully sure of exactly what she had just said, but at that point, she was only taking things as they came.

 _Sealing,_ Raising Heart said. _Series XXI._

It projected several beams that pierced through the being's body, seemingly trying to tug something out of it. It screamed and squirmed, shooting fire at Nanoha she barely managed to avoid. Still, the Jewel Seed would not let go of its host. Already, some of the smaller fireflies were coming at her at the cries of their queen (and yes, we know fireflies don't have queens either!), barely held back my Karakuri-sempai. It was only a matter of time before they overran Nanoha.

"GAH!" Yuuno cried. "It's no use! Let it go, Nanoha-chan! We need to get out of here!"

"N-no!" Nanoha gasped, bracing her feet and heaving at Raising Heart like a fisherman trying to pull in The Big One. "I can… do this!"

" _Al-Iskandariya: deploy._ "

In the skies above Mahora, beyond the clouds, the sky seemed to glow slightly. Then there was nothing 'slight' about it as a pillar of light blasted away the clouds, clearing the skies all around the city in a perfect circle as a narrow, almost delicate-seeming beam of energy. It slammed into the giant patient zero in a ten-foot wide beam, the displacement of its impact nearly knocking Nanoha off her feet. Several dozen smaller fireflies were instantly disintegrated.

The beam only seemed to last for a second, but like the proverbial green-cloaked vengeance of God it left devastation in its wake. With a final cry, thequeen firefly convulsed as small glowing chunk of rock was literally plucked out into the open. Nanoha breathed deeply, overcome by an awed sense of wonder, watching how the gem slowly floated through the air into her now extended left hand. All around them, what was left of the fireflies began to flutter drunkenly about with horrible shrieks as what was left of the biggest one doubled on itself, seeming to shrink down quickly, extremely fast, until it became a tiny point of light in the night.

Chachamaru made a sound that almost was a sigh of relief.

"You did it!" a radiant Yuuno cheered on Nanoha's ear. "It's a true Jewel Seed! Now you only have to—"

"I know," she nodded vaguely, smiling. "Please, Raising Heart, heal this jewel's furious spirit," she asked, as the staff absorbed the jewel into its core.

 _Fragment XXI, assimilated_ , the staff's voice said.

Nanoha inhaled, then coughed a bit, since the air still was heavy with smoke. She floated down slowly, landing on her feet before Chachamaru, and bowing to her. "Thank you so very much, Karakuri-sempai. Even with my shields, I couldn't defend all my angles and attack at once."

Chachamaru bowed back. "You'll have gotten there eventually, I'm sure."

Nanoha petted the ferret's head. "And thank you too, Yuuno-san. I couldn't have done it without your help!"

"W-Well, it was nothing... I must be thankful to you, as well... But what was that light at the end?-! Some kind of military laser weapon?"

"Yes," Chachamaru said blandly. Yuuno gave her a suspicious look.

Nanoha smiled at the staff. "And my heartfelt thanks for you too, Raising Heart-chan!"

The staff tried to look for an adequate answer in its built-in magical data banks, which weren't exactly very wide in the field of interpersonal relationships and communication etiquette. Finally, it supplied a proper pre-set answer. _My pleasure, Master_.

And then, with a final agonized shriek and a frantic buzzing, one of the fireflies in the grass flew back up, bursting in flames, and zoomed against Nanoha's back like a kamikaze. Chachamaru took aim and prepared to shoot before the surprised girl could be hit, and she'd have done it easily if another gun hadn't blasted the insect down with a single precise shot, reducing it to ashes fluttering everywhere.

Nanoha turned fully back to look at her rescuer, who stood in the darkness sporting a large crooked grin. "Who... Who are you?"

"Ah, just call me a friend of a friend in a really high place!" the strange man's voice sizzled playfully, and yet with a dangerous dark edge. "That old man told me to come here and dispose of the big fat mommy bug, but a kid and a babe beat me to it? Boy oboy, I'll never hear the end of this!"

"We repeat: Who are you?" Chachamaru took a step forward, getting between Nanoha and the man.

The stranger stepped out into the lights of the still burning storehouse, showing his bright green skin and his yellow suit. "You can call me any way you want, Sugar. But if you really have to pick a name... Go with Trickster!"

**That's the Trick!- by The Trickster**

Chachamaru's data banks only had a Flash villain listed under the moniker 'Trickster', but this man didn't fit his description at all. He seemed to radiate a strong sense of unreality, and her sensors picked up his presence as compressed, materialized prana. Which meant—

"Are you a Servant?" she asked.

"BIN-GO!" the man opened his arms and somehow sprayed confetti all over the area, as a merry gameshow music began playing. "Tell the lucky lady what she's won, Kathy! Well, Stanley, the lucky lady's won a full party night with **you** at the luxurious Coco Bongo Club! With an optional hotel stay afterwards included!"

In a moment, he was pushing past Nanoha and wrapping a slinky arm around Karakuri's shoulders. Such speed... the probability of him being a Servant increased

"So," he crooned, winking an eye, "Ready to go? You don't need to put on anything too fancy, you won't be wearing it for long anyw—"

Nanoha looked up, way up, as the funny man was being sent flying high into the atmosphere by a single well placed rocket-punch. Chachamaru's expression remained the same, stoic and cool as she retracted her arm, even as he hit the dirt face first two full minutes later.

"Are you okay, sir?" a concerned Nanoha looked down at him.

"Never better, Toots," he gave her a thumbs up while spitting a string of teeth out.

"Is 'Trickster' your class? I was unaware such a class existed at all," Chachamaru asked, her emotions still not altered, at least not outwardly.

"Actually, it didn't exist until two Wars ago," the Trickster sprang back to his feet, dusting himself off grandly. "It all started with seven basic classes, but it seems every war, there's one smartass or two who wants to screw with the rules and creates a new class to up their chances of winning. How they keep doing it, no idea, but hey, it gave me a job..."

"Wars?" Nanoha frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I suppose you aren't willing to say who's your Master," Chachamaru said, calmed even now.

"We really aren't going to date, are we?" he asked.

"No," Chachamaru was firm.

"... No, I won't tell you," he hmphed and turned around, crossing his arms. "Women! Always playing with poor men's hearts! Don't grow up like her, kid!" he wailed at Nanoha. "Oh, who am I kidding, you have lesbian written all over your face..."

"I have what on my what?" Nanoha blinked.

"How ahead are you in this war?" Chachamaru asked again.

Trickster chuckled rather grisly. "The war hasn't even started yet, Hon. This little incident was completely unrelated. The first shot hasn't been shot yet, but... it shouldn't take long."

"And which side are you on?" questioned the gynoid. "You helped us, but it might have been a trick to earn our trust. What are your purposes for this world?"

"You're a very noisy dolly, didja know that?" he yawned, juggling his own eyes before putting them back into their sockets. Nanoha grimaced and Yuuno's face became green under the fur. "You want the scoop, summon your own Servant and stand in line!" As he began disappearing away like a ghost, his wide evil grin returned. "Trust me, when the big stuff hits the fan, you'll know!"

And then he was gone. Nanoha shook the column of greenish smoke he had left behind and coughed. "Sss-*kaff, kaff!* ... ssssmoking..." she slurred out.

Chachamaru remained silent and perfectly still for a moment before simply saying, "You should return to your home now."

"Ah! All the scandal and the fires must have woken up Mom and Dad!" Nanoha freaked out. "They'll notice I'm not at home and will be scared! How will I explain this?-! I'm in Despair! The abrupt and unexplainable turns of a Magical Girl's life have left me in Despair!"

"Itoshiki-sensei has taught you, hasn't he?" Chachamaru guessed.

She sobbed and nodded. "He taught our classes last month, when Shirai-sensei had the flu, yeah..."

Suzuka-chan had never been the same ever since.

When Nanoha returned, however, the house was still quiet and silent, as if nothing had happened. The fires had stopped just short of reaching her immediate neighborhood, and she quietly thanked the Heavens for it.

_Up at Yggdrasil, Rind smiled and nodded. She had always liked her little White Devil..._

"Mom...? Dad...?" she knocked on their door, just to be safe.

After a few frantic sounds of scrambling in the bed and clothes being hastily put back on, Takamachi Momoko peeked out smiling nervously. "Yes, Nanoha-chan...?"

"I, um, had a hard time sleeping with all the noise. Didn't you hear anything?" the little girl asked incredulously.

"Oh dear, I'm afraid not. Your father and me were... ah, far too tired from... a full day of working, and I'm afraid we slept like logs..."

"Ah, I see. Well, I guess it all passed now, so it's all well that ends well!" Nanoha laughed a bit nervously.

"Ah ha ha ha! That's right!" Momoko laughed in an identical way, even though she had no fucking idea of what the hell was truly transpiring there.

"Well, I think I'll go see if Miyuki-neechan is okay, too!"

Momoko grabbed her by an arm, stopping her mid-way. "No."

"No what, Mom?"

"Don't go there right now."

"Why not?"

"Miyuki must be... in her private time."

"Ah, you mean those private times when Kyouya-niichan disappears completely too?"

"Yes, I mean those."

"... You still won't tell me what happens then, will you?"

"Not until you're eighteen."

"Okay. By the way, can I keep the ferret I found earlier tonight?"

"I don't know if—"

"Mom, I might follow the TV shows' advice and just tell an authority figure there's something really really weird going on here," Nanoha calmly exposed.

"Make sure your ferret just never walks into anyone else's bedrooms and he's in."

She smiled brightly. "You got it!"

...

**Epilogue: The Master's Voice**

_Eva's Cabin:_

Evangeline hummed deeply without looking away from the magazine she was reading as Chachamaru walked into the room. Her bare feet swung back and forth, while she was on her stomach, a Pocky in her mouth. She took it off and asked, "Took you long enough. Then, did you get the batteries?"

Chachamaru handed them over respectfully. "I apologize over my delay. I had to get these from a devastated convenience store, since giant mutated fireflies were attacking the area. I felt sorry for the owners, so I left a generous tip. I hope you don't mind..."

Chachazero perked up from her corner. "How many died?-!"

"No one," Chachamaru said.

"Damn," the tiny doll muttered.

Evangeline yawned. "A shame the Boya wasn't around, then. Handling this would've been a nice addition to his training." She sat up and began putting the batteries in, smirking in anticipation. "Giant mutant fireflies, huh? That's a new one."

"Miss McDowell, I feel I need to tell you, it's probable you'll be getting visits from a young girl who helped me tonight in the near future. Our universe's version of her once looked for Master Evangeline's help. Or at least I think she was the same person; it's difficult to say for sure, since ours wore a mask..."

"You all seem to be obsessed with masks and costumes, yeah," Eva snorted, beginning to play. "Then how do you suspect it's the same person?"

"There aren't many girls of that height, with that hairstyle, that voice, and a talking ferret keeping them company, Madame."

"Talking wha—? Oh no, I already have enough with the talking lecherous ermine. I'm not adding ferrets too. Does this look like a zoo to you? An animal refuge? Whatever, you can go now. Go re-check your collection of pictures of the Boya, or whatever tickles your fancy," Eva snarled, eyes nailed on the screen.

"Thank you. Chachamaru-san has been very kind, lending me her own collection as well."

"Nh-Hn. And I suppose you gave full copies of yours in trade."

"Indeed."

"Right. Well, like I care."

"I have printer functions I can access to if I'm connected to a computer. If you're interested on some pictures, I always could—"

"Just go dust something off, Chachamaru!"

_Dean Konoemon's office:_

"You do realize sitting there, petting that cat-rabbit thing's head, makes you look like a James Bond villain, right?" the Trickster asked. "Or Doctor Claw, if you sat with your back turned around. Never watched Inspector Gadget?"

Konoemon never stopped petting the head of the purring Ryo-Ohki on his lap. "Just give me your report, Trickster-kun."

"Well, Boss, I went to the site you pinpointed, but a girl with green hair and a Lolita in a white dress... kinda got there first, see?

"Ho-hum! And did the younger girl have red hair?"

"Oh dear God, you're an ORACLEEEE!" he exaggeratedly cried. "Yeah, and she had a talking stick, too alive to be a Noble Phantasm if you ask me. The taller one knew about the Wars, too. She wanted to know if the current one had started already."

Konoemon made a pondering sound. "Well. It makes sense they'd know, if they already had them..."

"Excuuuuuuse me, someone I should knoooooow...?"

"No, not really."

"That's what I like best about you, Boss. You always make me feel so important!"

...

**Epilogue: Tomoe Family Circus**

The latest crisis was over. The fires were quickly being put under control, which is an easy task when you have a coalition of mages under your command. Witnesses of the troublesome events were being mindwiped, and everything was right with the world.

"— and everything is right with the world again!" Hanyuu Mimi-sensei tapped with her pen on her notepad, as she turned off the main surveillance screen of the laboratory. "Dean Konoe called, asking if we had suffered any damage. I told him, since our installations are mostly underground, our operations and staff were completely safe."

Professor Tomoe smiled and nodded, adjusting his large round glasses. "Well done, Mimete. Well then, Precia," he casually told his wife, who stood next to him with a fascinated glint in her eyes. "Is this the turn of events you were expecting?"

"It's... actually better than I expected," she said. "However," her tone soured just as quickly, "it seems the first fragment was recovered by someone else, since all activity has ceased. We need a fast acting field agent who can retrieve them before Konoe's sycophants do. Your Witches are far too slow for that task."

Mimete winced at the comment and clenched her teeth, but said nothing.

"How are you so sure the Dean's employees stopped this, Dear?" Tomoe asked calmly, polishing his glasses with a tissue. "We can't discard the possibility of wild cards and third parties. There are two Sailor Senshi now, and one of them was sighted at one of the attacked sites. Plus there was that light from the sky. Even our partial readings registered it as a powerful magical attack, and I know of no one in the school payroll capable of such casual power."

_Somewhere, someone sneezed. We won't mention who, but believe us, SOMEONE sneezed._

The dark haired woman scowled bitterly. "That only would make it all much more difficult, since it'd be nearly unpredictable to know when or from where they are coming."

"We _are_ working on a project to capture and dissect them, Ma'am!" Mimete hastily unfolded a few sheets of complex schematics and diagrams, including one of Sailor Venus' body. Her features, such as the Venus Bust (So-so, no hidden missiles), the Venus Fist (like getting hit by a girl), and the Venus Panties (white) were clearly labeled. "We aim, not only to learn their secret identities, but also to learn all we can from their carcasses! Our foremost suspect right now is Fujino Shizuru, the President of the Student Coun—"

Precia, annoyed, interrupted her with a silencing gesture. "No! No! What we need, I think, is a Magical Agent of our own, who can compete with them in their own terms. You aren't fighters, and your Daimons are little more than pathetic beasts. We need someone with stats to match their own."

"A Magical Girl of our own!" Tomoe seemed highly amused, more than anything else. "Not a bad idea, my dear. Always assuming, of course, those theoretical 'Jewel Seeds' of yours are the cause behind these events, and thus what we should start looking for at the moment."

"They are," his wife didn't hesitate. "I recognize those energy patterns from my time at the Academy, where we developed projects on related artifacts. And that outbreak was too fast and massive to be caused by simple 'Orphans'. We've been reached by Jewel Seeds, and from now on, they'll manifest themselves periodically until they all have been sealed."

"Very well. Since that type of magic is your field of expertise, I'll leave it in your hands, darling," the white haired man nodded vaguely. "Take Eudial and Cyprine to help you with it, if you wish so. I assume you already have a candidate for the mantle of your 'field agent' in mind?"

She smiled harshly and nodded. "As a matter of fact, I do."

_Elsewhere, not too far, Fate Testarossa saw her adopted sister had finally fallen asleep. Exhaling a weary sigh, she tucked Hotaru's blankets tighter against her, turned around, and went off to sleep herself. Arf followed her, wagging her tail._

...

**Epilogue: Akashi and Caster**

"Oh! You're home. Welcome!" Caster looked up from the TV and smiled at Akashi-sensei, who waved a hand weakly and dragged his tired steps inside. "Master! What happened to you?"

"Please don't call me 'Master'," he requested, dropping on the couch next to her, covering his eyes with a forearm. "Giant mutant fireflies attacked the Academy and the neighboring areas and burned everything in their wake."

"Oh, that would explain why I felt those sudden major pulses of out of control magic." She put a hand on her chin. "I thought of checking up on it, but I decided to save my efforts since I'm still low on mana..."

She gave Akashi a discreet come hither look under her hood. He completely ignored it.

"I've got a headache..." he moaned.

She touched his cheek with a hand, looking at the burn marks on his clothes, and the scrapes all over his skin. "Master..." she softly said.

He sighed, too tired to argue with her treatment of him again.

"Master, do you feel happy doing this?"

"Doing what?" he groaned.

"This job of yours. From what I have gathered, it's all a succession of rather menial and troubling efforts, day after day. Why would someone subject themselves to such a thing?"

"How do you know so much about a modern teacher's life? Does that come in the package of your arrival to this time?" he exhaled.

"No, but the drama of the 3:00 P.M. educated me about all the harsh realities of your school system, though I don't see what's so great about Onizuka. And on top of everything, you also do magical control tasks for your superiors, don't you?"

"That's correct."

"You aren't seriously hurt, are you?" From her examination, she was fairly sure he wasn't, but men liked being told you cared.

"No. No, just some scratches, and a few close calls. I'm okay, Caster-san."

She bowed. "I understand. I'll prepare your bath and your bed."

"Thanks..." he said, nodding vaguely. Again, he was too exhausted to even pretend he could do it himself.

It almost felt like being married again, he thought as he heard the running water from the bathroom. He hadn't felt that for so long... other than maybe for those days when Yuuna would come visit and took over housekeeping...

Slowly, despite himself, he fell asleep on the couch before Caster returned.

...

**Epilogue: Patience is the Virtue of the Wise- by Rin**

_The Tohsaka Dorm:_

Rin sighed, grabbed her cup of tea, and primly took it to her lips, sipping its contents slowly. "Vigilante is always so willing to waste time with trivial side matters. Nab jewel thieves, track kidnappers, stop rampaging mutant fireflies... Honestly! At least it keeps him ready for the War..."

A concerned Sakura looked out the window. "But Onee-sama, these... creatures could cause serious damage, and even kill people!"

"Our staff is the best the Kanto Magic Association can pay, Sakura," Rin reassured her. "They'll deal with it in no time."

"If I remember correctly, they never caught the Sakura Lane vampire, did they?"

"If what I suspect about that vampire is right, no doubt not even they could catch her," Rin mused.

"Her?"

Her older sister exhaled. "Just a theory. Don't stand too close the window, though. I installed magical barriers all around us so we'll be safe, but I know you're very easy to impress and shock..."

"I'm not a child anymore, Onee-sama! Don't you think we maybe should go see if we can help Vigilante-san?"

"No. Let's just wait for him. Patience is a virtue, after all."

Sakura didn't realize when she fell asleep late that night, tired and nervous, but she woke up at dawn, when he finally returned, half burnt and mumbling. And Rin was there scolding and chiding him, yelling up storm at him. There were bags under her eyes, Sakura noticed.

Sakura smiled and went to prepare more tea and some sandwiches.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED.


	41. Lesson 34, Part 2: Whoo! This Broke the Word Limit!

... so I had to split the chapter in two, see?

 

All disclaimers from Part 1 of this chapter still apply here. This isn't my intellectual property, all characters belong to their copyright owners, I make no money from this, and all of that.

* * *

...

**I am a What?-!- by Keitaro.**

_Okinawa:_

Itoshiki Nozomu had been raised by man servants in a life of luxury. And even when he went adventuring with Ala Rubra, he somehow always managed to get someone (usually Takahata) to do his chores for him. So he was actually a bit, and with that we mean a lot, awkward with the nuances of washing dishes.

"This is," he said while struggling with the task, "the first time I've ever had to wash dishes on a vacation, or close facsimile. Didn't we pay you all enough to cover this, as well?"

Keitaro-san laughed weakly from where he was washing right next to him. "Well, we always are a bit short on staff, and right now, most of the girls seem to be in a meeting. I'm thankful for your assistance, Sensei."

"Not a problem," the other man sighed, pondering if he should drop a plate, then feign an accidental slicing of his own veins while picking the pieces up. Since he respected other people's material belongings, he finally decided against it. Instead, he only handed the plate over to Ai for drying. With an eager thanks, the shy girl began to dry it very carefully. "How are you doing, Hitou-san?"

"Almost finished here, Itoshiki-sensei!" Hitou Nami answered while polishing the kitchen's floor. "When I'm done with this, you'll literally be able to eat right off it!"

"That's nice to hear," Itoshiki blandly said. "I'll probably have to, as well, at the rate we're going..."

"I wish to apologize again..." Keitaro said sheepishly. Ai winced uncomfortably at having her shtick taken, but remained mute.

"Keitaro," a straight faced Naru peeked in. "Can you come a moment, please? There's something you need to know."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Just let me finish here, and—"

"Now, Keitaro. Please," his wife requested, dry and firm.

"Oh! Oh, well, yeah, sure, but—"

"Go," Itoshiki exhaled languidly. "I'll survive this. Unfortunately."

"I'll only take a moment," Keitaro promised before following his wife out the kitchen and into the next room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Itoshiki sneaked over and stuck an ear to the frame.

"Sensei, are you eavesdropping?" Nami asked. "That's a very rude thing to do to our hosts!"

"Ruder than making us wash and clean after we've paid our bills?" the teacher whispered back.

Nami blinked twice, stood up and stuck her ear next to Itoshiki's. "I'm reminded why you're our teacher. Although I still feel bad doing this..."

"D-Don't!" Ai stammered, getting close but not daring to actually join them. "It's a very normal reaction from a girl our age who isn't completely bad in the head, like me, and—"

"Don't call me 'normal'!" Nami hissed.

In the next room, Keitaro gulped, seeing Naru, Motoko, Mitsune, Shinobu, Kaolla, Sarah, Mei, Mutsumi, Kanako and even Touko-sensei all gathered around a table. "Wh-What's wrong? What did I do this time?"

"What, he asks..." Naru rolled her eyes, although the cynicism in her tone seemed more amused and casual than bitter. Mutsumi only giggled, and Kaolla outright laughed. Kanako's face betrayed no emotion. Shinobu fluttered in place nervously.

Motoko took a very long breath and forced herself to lock her gaze with his. "Keitaro," she said, loud and clear, with only the slightest quiver to her words. "I'm with child."

At the other side of the door, Nami blinked, confused. "Isn't that Aoyama-san's voice? I thought Urashima-san was married to— Sensei? Where are you going?"

A semi-paler than usual Itoshiki had turned around briskly to return to his dishes. "I'm sorry, I didn't get to hear anything! The sound of the running water muffled everything for me!"

Last thing he wanted, for his own safety, was any of his students figuring out _that_ kind of living arrangements existed, extremely rare as they were...

...

 **When?-** **by Fuuka and Fumika**

"Kaede-nee, when will we be good enough to finally train under your aunt Miko?" Fuuka asked as the three of them washed themselves in the Inn's open air bath. "And on her? And against her?"

"Not anytime soon," Kaede replied.

"But why...?" Fumika whined. "At which age did _she_ start training you?"

Kaede made an uncomfortable silence.

"Well?" another voice asked from behind a few rocks. "Your disciples want answers, isn't it your duty to supply them?"

Kaede shot an annoyed close eyed glare at the rocks. "A shinobi's duty is to never supply information within the enemy's hearing range, Tatsumiya- _san_."

An amused Mana peeked from above the rocks, crossing her arms on top of them and letting her large chest nestle itself between them.

"I hold no enemies over petty rivalries, Nagase- _san_ ," she said in a dry mockery of Kaede's tone. "And I'd have to be paid a lot to consider you a target at anything."

"How much?" Kaede asked.

"I'd say... three cents would do it," Mana answered. The twins broke into laughter.

"Oh, ho ho!" Kaede feigned to laugh as well. "This humble one is worth only three cents, yes. For the sake of our friendship, however, I couldn't ever accept any money to take you down. I'd be dishonorable. So I'd do it for free."

"I wasn't aware people who trained with tentacle monsters cared about honor, although I don't doubt you'd do _anything_ for free," Mana commented detachedly.

"Well, a Shinobi's path is one treacherous and often with no room for honor, yes..." Kaede admitted.

"Nice to hear a confirmation," Mana nodded.

"... but it's still more honorable and less cowardly than a sniper's life!" the tall ninja finished.

Fuuka and Fumika watched in silence now, looking back and forth as the two rivals sneered for a few long moments, before just jumping on each other with identical incoherent battle cries. They watched avidly how the naked busty classmates grappled all across the bath's floor, wet flesh on wet flesh, breathing loudly on each other's strained face...

"Good morning!" Yuuna walked in with a towel around her body and a bath basket under an arm. "Ah, it's such a nice morning, isn't i—"

She saw the Narutakis were now indulging themselves in their favorite hobby, while a few steps away, Mana and Kaede were wrapped around each other puffing, growling and twisting each other like living knots.

Yuuna, with her eyes going blank, turned around and walked hastily. "I'll come back later!"

Elsewhere, Kuro twitched as she looked up from the area maps she was studying. "Gah! Incest senses tingling! Incest senses tingling _so_ ** _much_** …!"

...

**I Just Had a Revolutionary Idea!- by Sakurako**

As they dressed up after bathing early that morning, Sakurako asked Setsuna, "Setsuna-chan, why do you wear bicycle shorts under your skirt?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Setsuna replied. "In my line of work, I have to move around and leap a lot, so I wear these to preserve my modesty."

"You mean so no one sees your panties? It's not a big deal!" Sakurako began to make cheerleading poses, tossing her legs up and down. "I'm used to it!"

Setsuna wrinkled her nose. "I have no interest in showing off my delicates for the whole world to see."

Sakurako lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Satomi-chan likes it. She's made a habit of casually lingering around our practices after she's done with her clubs, and she watches and watches me until we're done..."

Setsuna's face grew as red as a tomato. "H-How scandalous!"

"You're going to spend the whole day with Konoka, aren't you?" Sakurako smiled impishly. "Who knows, maybe things that will require you to jump will happen..."

She tossed a pair of panties at Setsuna, who caught them in mid-air instinctively before realizing what they were.

"My good luck pair!" Sakurako giggled, finishing fixing her shirt up. "Satomi's favorites, too! So I want them back before evening, okay?" And she left, prancing happily.

Setsuna's face scrounched, looking down at the rather skimpy private garments in her hand. "I couldn't possibly ever wear this..."

A long silence ensued.

Setsuna sighed and lowered the shorts back down her legs...

When she finally came out, Sakurako was smiling, waiting for her right out the doorstep. "So, how do they feel?"

"Well... Moving around with them on is easier than I expected..."

"Of course. We cheerleaders also need the utmost freedom of movement!" Sakurako put a hand over her own heart very seriously.

"Right. But it also feels very chilly down there..." Setsuna all but whimpered.

Sakurako giggled again. It was very cute to see the normally uptight and stern Setsuna like that. "You'll grow used to it."

"No, I won't! I'm doing this just this once, just as a favor to you!"

"Okay."

"Because it would've been rude to reject your kind, if misguided offer!"

"Riiight! Well, next time, we'll also do something about those chest bandages of yours! That's sooooooo three centuries ago! I'll take you to buy yourself some real bras..."

"I don't need any of those!"

"Now, now, Setsuna, I know you're kinda flat, but that's no excuse..."

Setsuna opened her mouth to protest angrily, but right at that moment, Konoka's head peeked in around a corner. "Oh! You're going to buy underwear after we get back home, Setchan? I want to go too!"

Setsuna felt like her soul was floating out her ears. Blasted Sakurako...

...

**I Don't Know About the Future, but You Can Read my Past in This Card!- by Haruna**

_Kyoto. School Trip, Third Day:_

Right after breakfast, the students had crowded around Haruna to take eager looks at her Pactio card.

"Wow, it's a really detailed drawing, Haruna," Yuuna said, marveling at seeing a Pactio card so close for the first time ever. She had glimpsed it from afar through Chao's TV set, and she had read about them in the other Yuna's journal, but holding one in her own hands left a completely different impression.

"Let me see too!" Makie pleaded, yanking the card for herself. "Waiiii, it's so cute! I'll buy it, Haruna-chan! Give me your price and I'll meet it!"

"Sorry, it's not for sale no matter what," Haruna calmly took it back. "It's a priceless memento of my youth, and I'll never dispose of it!" she promised.

"Show us, show us!" Fuuka and Fumika bounced around her. Misa groaned and rubbed her own legs, wondering how the twins could jump like that after a full night of seiza. She felt as aching as she did after training with Kuro.

"Where are Yuecchi and Nodo-chan?" Haruna looked in all directions, ignoring the twins' requests.

"They went out early," Misora grumbled from where she sat, her chin resting on her arms on the breakfast table. "Looks like they're still pissed off at you."

"Drat," Haruna bit her tongue.

"I wonder why..." Asuna rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"How's Negi-sensei doing now, by the way?" a concerned Ako asked her.

"Still recovering from the shock of that marriage proposal," Asuna muttered. Damn, and when they needed everyone in top form to deal with Konoka's would be kidnappers, too. "Chisame and Hakase are trying to pull him back to his senses."

"Oh, so that's what Chisame's doing?" Sora looked up from her travel guide, still undecided on how to tackle the day's schedule.

"Maybe we should help," Yuuna intervened. "Chisame and the Prof aren't exactly the best role models of social stability."

Sora gave the basketball player a very annoyed glare, but said nothing. Next to her, Keiichi only sighed and continued sipping his black coffee.

Asuna raised a hand. "They're his roommates; they know him better than anyone else. Let them handle it."

From one of the nearby tables, Calculator shivered at the mere idea...

"I got a Card too!" Ayaka pushed hers to the foreground for everyone to see. Again.

"Yeah, but it's an inferior copy," Haruna told her. "And besides, I got one of those too, see?" She showed her own Suka card. Now that made Misa, Sakurako, Misora and Asuna blink.

"You got _two_!" Misa remembered it now, after all the emotions from the previous night and then those few hours of sleep. "How did you...?"

"I kissed him twice, duh," Haruna said. "Well, or rather, him and a copy of him. I'll have to ask Asakura what's the deal with that and how she did it once she's recovered."

"What happened to her?" asked Mana.

"I think she fell down and hurt her face a lot," Haruna shrugged. "That's what she told me from the inside when I knocked on her door, anyway. Sat-chan had to leave her food at her doorstep..."

Misa leaned towards Asuna. "Don't you think Chisame went a bit overboard?" the cheerleader whispered.

"Actually, I'd have hit her harder," Asuna whispered back.

"Vice President-san, you got a card of yours too, didn't you?" Konoka approached Suzushiro Haruka, who sat all alone, apart even from her own class, moodily going over the day's schedule.

"I really don't wish to talk about that," Haruka droned.

"You don't need to say anything. Just show it, please," Chizuru asked gently. "We'd like to see it, even if only briefly..."

Haruka cringed, wondering exactly why did she find all girls whose names ended in '-izuru' so unbearable. Still, she reluctantly pulled her own Card out and held it up for public view.

Almost all of 3-A cooed.

That made Haruka cringe even more.

"I have to say I won't accept this defeat as nothing but a momentary setback, Vice President-san!" Ayaka looked at the other blonde's eyes. "Your marriage proposal is null and void, and I'll keep Negi-sensei safe from you as long as I draw breath!"

Haruka looked supremely annoyed, more than anything else. "Believe me, I'd have preferred any other husband for my future! I'm the main victim of this twirl of events!"

"Twist," Ayaka corrected her.

"Actually, both terms are kinda correct in this context, aren't they?" Sakurako wondered.

...

**This World is Beyond Repair…?- by Lupin's Ghost**

Chao read carefully the newspaper's headlines while munching on her breakfast.

_Arsene Lupin the Third sent to the electric chair, confirmed—_

"My God!" she slammed the newspaper down. "This iteration is far too messed up to be possibly salvageab—!"

She noticed Satsuki staring blankly at her. Luckily, everyone was far too busy admiring Haruna's strange new cards.

Chao rasped and picked the newspaper back up. "Never mind."

"I won't," Satsuki quietly returned to eating.

"Gyah!" Chao screamed again. "Moroboshi Ataru, just elected Mayor of Tomobiki City?-!-?"

Satsuki took a sip of water.

"Gak! A remake of an 80s cartoon based on a Hasbro toyline that doesn't suck? How could this be? Who is this 'Lauren Faust' person?"

...

**The Old Witch's Got a Sob Story?- by Kotaro**

_Kyoto:_

"Hey, Old Weirdo," the boy called out, seeing the short buck toothed man with the funny tall hat leaving the room where they had the captive woman. He was taking extensive notes in a thick brown notebook stuffed with clips on its yellowed pages. The boy's voice seemed to snap him back to some semblance of reality, blinking several times. There were heavy bags under his eyes now. "Have you seen Chigusa-neesan? We were supposed to leave now."

"Hm?" the short funny looking man rubbed one of his eyes with a knuckle. Then he began quoting, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, ' said the Cat. 'I don't much care where —' said Alice. 'Then it doesn't matter which way you go, ' said the Cat."

"Yeah, yeah, very funny," Kotaro stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Can't you just tell me where Chigusa-neesan is?"

The little man put a hand on his chin and made a pondering sound. "Are you sure you have an audience with the Red Queen, young man? Wasting her time is an offense punished with beheading!" And he quoted again. "They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one left alive!"

Kotaro sighed and tapped a foot. "I'm sure, and I can look after my own head. Where is she?"

The Hatter pointed at the end of the corridor. "The Queen has retreated to her chambers to rest for the time being, if you really need to know." He broke into Wonderland pastiche mode again. " 'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by queens and wolves. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow up, I'll write one.'"

"Yeah, cool story, Bro. Seein' ya," Kotaro waved nonchalantly and left without looking back.

He knocked on the door, but much to his surprise, it slowly creaked half open as soon as his knuckles hit the frame. The boy stuck his nose in and sniffed the air, detecting a faint smell he couldn't quite place. Growing bolder, he looked in, and saw Chigusa sitting with her back to him, resting her head and chest on her folded arms on a table. Her long black hair was loose, and as Kotaro approached her, he noticed something different about her sleeping face. Without any makeup on, it looked paler and tired, vulnerable and even almost human. Her glasses rested next to her head, and her slightly open mouth had a thin line of drool poking out of a corner.

She had an empty glass before her, which smelled strongly of the strange scent Kotaro had detected earlier. Well, that explained it. Kotaro had never touched the stuff, and being used to deal with professionals, had found out few of the best used to drink, but he was worldly enough to know when an adult hit the sauce. It most often happened when they hit hard times or were under a lot of stress. Even his Mom had a brief stage of that after Dad had gone.

The most glaring there, however, was a picture Chigusa still had in her hand. It was small and was damaged in one corner, and showed a smiling, black haired man and woman holding a little girl with black hair and cold eyes. The girl, unsmiling, wore round glasses and held a yellow sock monkey between her hands.

Kotaro touched the photo with two fingers, craning his neck to get a better view of it. And then Chigusa's eyes flew open and zeroed into his, grim and unamused.

"Ah," Kotaro backed away. "We're supposed to go _there_ now, remember?"

She inhaled and stood up, putting her glasses back on and fixing her hair into its usual style with skilled fingers. "Yes. Yes, I do. I only was taking a short nap. These last few days have been taxing. So much to prepare..."

"Um, yeah, well. Now your extra hired help's here, things should be easier for you," he noted, while Chigusa secured the picture back inside of her generous cleavage. A truly weird place to carry a photo, but maybe she wanted to feel it near her heart.

"Those fools are harder to handle than I expected," she grunted. "Luckily, they'll be here only for two nights at most."

"Yeah, maybe we should have done this ourselves," he rubbed his nose.

She shook her head and elegantly marched for the door. "Come."

He obeyed.

"You're an orphan, aren't you?" she asked out of nowhere while they headed down the corridor.

"My old man's dead, but my Mom's still alive. Why?"

"Why aren't you at your mother's side, then?"

"It's hard to explain... And frankly, I don't like to talk about it."

"I understand," she nodded. Her tone was as cold as always.

"You're an orphan, too?" he asked.

"Yes. My parents were killed by Western mages."

"Ah," he said, not really knowing what else to add, or even if she should add something at all. Finally, he added, "Sorry 'bout that."

They had gone out into the open now. Before leaving the compound, however, the woman turned back to him and icily said, "After you get your payment, you should return to your mother. And stay there."

"What is it to you?" he asked, annoyed.

"Nothing," she said. "But it should be something to _you_."

He opened his mouth to protest, but then she turned back again and quickened her pace for the West before he could speak.

Kotaro growled to himself and followed her again.

Women.

...

**Just Because It Happened to Me, It Doesn't Mean It'll Happen To You, But...- by Magus Erebus**

"Are you feeling okay?" 'Nelly' asked Negi as Chisame, Hakase and Matoi brought the still pale boy into the meeting room. Asuna hung shortly behind them carelessly whistling to herself. This time, Misa, Sakurako and Misora also came in closing the rear. It had taken the cheerleaders a while coming up with a believable, sensible excuse to leave Madoka behind. But they still couldn't think of one, so they just told her they'd go stalk Negi and Hakase. Madoka, well used to it by now, smiled and let them be.

Ala Alba and the local Setsuna were already there. The young swordmistress stood with her back leaned on a wall and her arms crossed, in perfect observant silence.

"Y-Yeah," Negi said. "I'm, I'm sure we can eventually reach an... agreement with Suzushiro-san. No doubt she'll see this as... the huge, great, horrible, big, titanic, humongous, tragic, grotesque..." he began making small signs of an incoming breakdown until Chisame slapped him lightly across the head, at which point he regained a semblance of business-like normalcy, "... bad idea it is. Now let's get to the point of the day, shall we? I'll be carrying the Dean's letter to the Kansai Association's headquarters early this morning. Chisame-san said I should bring someone along, but bringing a big delegation would raise too many questions and perhaps attract the enemies. Besides, we must focus our efforts on protecting Konoka-san..."

"We have people to spare. Nothing wrong with having someone to watch your back, too," Chisame muttered. "By carrying that thing along, you'll be putting a big fat bulls-eye on your back, and even summoning us might take a few seconds too long if you get in trouble. It's simple common sense."

"Um, well, maybe you should bring Asuna-san with you..." Erebus suggested.

"He's going to need her magic cancel thing, isn't he?" Chisame asked bluntly.

"Maybe..." Erebus answered. "I mean, who knows, right? If you run into any magic users, Asuna-san's skills are very useful to have at hand, and well..."

The younger Negi's Ministra kept on staring at him, particularly Chisame and Asuna.

"... You never know, and it always pays to have all bases covered..." Erebus finished, although he left a hanging feeling on everyone.

"Exactly what happened to _you_ when you were carrying that letter?" Chisame demanded, craning her neck to give him a closer stare right through the eyes.

There was a far too long silence.

"Other-Boya. Take Hasegawa along as well," Evangeline said from the corner where she had sat in gloomy silence all that time, her voice slightly muffled by her mask. It looked like she was taking a lot of effort to not break into song.

Erebus turned to give her a curious look. "Master?"

"She's the primary partner here," Eva strained herself to say. "As such, it's her duty to stay at the Magister's side at all times."

"I guess so," 'Nelly' began, with a token nod, "But maybe it'd be better if—"

"That... That other vampire..." the Mistress of Puppets clenched her teeth under the mouthpiece, "said she wanted it that way, in case any problems rose." She shot Chisame a cold glare. "Something about that responsibility she placed on you."

Chisame blinked, startled, and Matoi and Hakase also seemed to recognize what Eva had just talked about. That discussion the three of them had with _their_ Evangeline near the end of their first training session...

"What does that mea—" Negi began to ask, but Chisame beat him to the punch.

"Fine, I'll go!" she muttered, exasperated.

"Chisame-sama?" Matoi blinked exaggeratedly.

"Are you sure?" Satomi asked her roommate.

"Hell, I'll be in danger no matter where I go, so what's the difference?" Chisame shrugged callously. "I see I'm too unlucky to be the type that gets to sit things off and play comfy and safe."

Calculator's face betrayed a conflicted sensation of being torn between feeling either envied, insulted, or both. Most likely both, she decided.

"If you're going in with that defeatist attitude, you should leave it for someone who's actually willing to go!" Misa challenged.

"It's not open for discussion!" Evangeline said. "Two Ministra and the gum stuck to the shoe." She glanced briefly in Matoi's direction. Tsunetsuki frowned, but made no reply. "That'll be enough for an activity that demands discretion. The rest of you are better off helping to cover the area around Konoe."

"Right," the local Negi nodded. "Konoka-san told me she'd spend the day in Cinema Town, and that means she'll be in the middle of crowds large enough to hide kidnappers. But on the other hand, it also means you all can be around her already in your Pactio costumes. If you keep a close formation around her, no enemy on their right mind would be willing to attack you in broad daylight."

"That'd be wonderful if there was even a single sane person in the group we just fought," Chisame snarked. "Still, what else can we do? By the way, what do we do about Haruna and the Vice President? Can't Sensei just cancel their Pactios at will?"

"Why would he do such a thing?" Sawa complained. "It's a sign of the gods, just like Nodo-chan's victory was a boon to us!"

"It'd have been better if _our_ Nodoka had won instead of those two..." Misora mumbled. "Our Haruna with an Artifact like yours... No doubt she'll be worse than any enemy we could face here!"

"Tempting Fate much?" Sawa asked. The Ala Alba members, recognizing the wordplay, reacted in ways ranging from chuckling to annoyed groaning. It all flew over the locals' heads. "Just have faith on her! If that girl's like me at all, you'll never regret having her around!" she boasted.

"Blatant lies," Calculator droned.

"Coming from my mouth? Never," Saotome said. "As for the other girl, eh, what harm is there in letting her keep hers? As long as she doesn't figure it out, no harm done, right? She'll never figure out how to activate it by herself..."

"Who's tempting fate now?" Valkyrie Black asked, looking up from her tome. "After all, Nodoka did. By the way, I learned what the deal was with those Cards Iincho and the others got. The local magic system apparently allows, under circumstances of faulty Pactios, what has been called a 'Suka' Pactio. It's completely useless, though, since it only transforms the user into a small harmless creature..."

"I could have told you that, Yuecchi," Chamo told her.

"What's the fee on those Pactios?" Albert asked him, with piqued interest.

"Only 1/10th of a normal Provisional Alliance's, but still better than nothing," Chamo answered. "Don't you girls wanna some of those, too? Suka cards, if nothing else, make for good conversation pieces!"

"No, thanks!" Asuna refused.

"Same thing here!" Twilight Red added.

"Well, actually..." Maga Alba mused about it. "... I'll think about it?"

"OJOU-SAMA!" the Setsunas said at once.

"Does it mean having to kiss another paper copy? Pass," Misora said.

"Yeah, I only do originals!" Misa nodded.

"I'm glad I won't be going to Cinema Town now," Chisame admitted. "At least I'll be far from you for more than half of the day..."

"Konoka will be sad I won't go with her," Asuna sighed. "I still don't know what excuse I'll give her, and I'll have to buy her something pretty to make up for it... You sure we can't end before midday so I can at least spend the afternoon with Konoka? I was looking forward to visiting CT with her..."

Setsuna made a very brief and small twitch of her eyebrows.

Sakurazaki, being one of the very few in the room who noticed it, leaned closer and whispered, "It's not that way. You don't have to—"

"I'm not jealous!" Setsuna hissed. "Why-Why should I be?"

Sakurazaki backed away. "Okay."

 _Well, at the very least, no matter what, I'm not as bad as her..._ she told herself. _I mean, feeling jealous about Asuna-hime, really... Everyone can see her relationship with Ojou-sama is a purely sisterly one... Yes..._

She remained quiet in place for a few moments, and then discreetly shifted around to be between Twilight Red and Maga Alba.

_In another universe, 30 Xanatos Gambit Setsuna sneezed._

...

**Watching Over That Person Brings Me So Many Fond Memories...- by Psycho Purple**

After the local Negi Party went their separate ways, Ala Alba stayed behind in the room. They remained in silence for a few moments, waiting to see if no one returned with any questions or complaints to pose. Only after a short while that made Evangeline bite her tongue before breaking into song again, 'Nelly' coughed uncomfortably.

"Nodoka," he finally said. "I'd like you to follow Negi-san into... well, you know." He sounded reluctant, but also determined. "I needed your help to stand a chance against Kotaro-kun, and that's an edge he doesn't have. Not to mention your counterpart will probably still try following him there, and she's defenseless without a Diarium Ejus. Yue, could you go with her and cover her back?"

Both librarians nodded at once. "I'll go, too!" Haruna said.

"No," Negi denied flatly. "Your counterpart still doesn't know she has a Pactio, and if she's anything like you..."

"She is. And then some," Twilight Red snorted.

"... she'll be at Cinema Town today with the local Yue-san, and will try to follow Setsuna-san if events follow the same general outline we witnessed back in the day," Erebus continued smoothly. "I want you to be near her to instruct her on how to use her Artifact, in case it's needed."

"Okay, that makes sense," Haruna agreed. "And then, we can make a major collaboration that will change the way the world looks at Yaoi!"

"Haruna..." Yue said.

"What? I've seen her works! She shows real promise! I can tell we'd... complement each other..."

"Cut it out. Right _now_ ," Calculator ordered. "Kuro and her incestophilia is creepy enough. Let her have her original schnicht."

"Are we sending only Honya-chan and Yue into that trap? Really?" Twilight Red questioned.

Negi looked a bit troubled about it himself. "I doubt they'll devote most of their resources there. It probably won't be that much more than what we had to face when we did it ourselves."

"Right, just like it happened at the train station?" Kagurazaka dryly reminded him.

"We should be okay," Yue differed. "Even accounting for that, we'll have a numbers dvantage, as well. That time, Negi-sensei went alone with you, but this time, there's also Chisame-san, and well... I figure Chamo-san can fix a Pactio for Tsunetsuki-sempai if we really need more power. We saw what she did at the train station, with no Pactio at all. Between all of us, we should make a well balanced enough team..."

Calculator shuddered. "I really don't want to see that girl with a Pactio. Knowing her, it must be something to keep us watched at all times, no matter where we are."

Negi rubbed his chin. "I'm more worried about Cinema Town, since they have shown they can control large masses of people. And the crowds there are huge. What's worse, since they don't use magic to control the innocents, they can keep their real hand well hidden. I'd bet that's the reason why they resorted to bringing that help from America in the first place."

"Funny. From what we learned on her back then, Amagasaki never was the type to play nice with Westerners," Yue considered. "But then again, desperate times make for strange bedfellows. If the Dean's words were true..."

"Grandpa would never lie to us!" Konoka said.

"Different world, who knows here?" Yue half-shrugged. "Regardless, as I was saying, if the Kansai association really gets along better with Kanto here, Amagasaki's renegade group might be smaller. It'd help explaining why they'd need more support from the likes of the Mad Hatter, not to mention Fate bringing at least Homura-san here."

"Yeah, I wonder about that myself," Twilight frowned, recalling her fight against her universe's Homura, and how it led to her long captivity. "Do you think maybe Fate brought the whole set? That might be quite a problem, and—- Wait, Mad Hatter? Who's that?"

Haruna looked at her. "C'mon, don't you recognize the name? One of Gotham's wackos. Why do you think Batman was there?"

"Batman was really there?" Asuna gasped. "I thought you only were kidding around! Next you'll tell me Sailor Mars was there for real, too!"

"It was Sailor Mercury," Nodoka corrected her.

Calculator frowned. "But from what you told us, it wasn't the same Mercury we know, right? You sure you don't know who she really was?"

"Nope," Haruna replied.

"Well, if she's here in Kyoto right at the same time as us, and in the same inn, even, then she has to be a member of our... well, their... class, right?" Konoka guessed.

A blunt silence slammed on the room.

Calculator hummed. "Well, we know it couldn't be me, Misora, Setsuna, Misa, Sakurako, Hakase, Asuna, Konoka or Chao. Maybe Madoka? She always has looked a bit like Sailor Mercury to me..."

"She was far too tall to be Kugimiya-san," Setsuna opined. "But she didn't move like Mana or Kaede, so my best guess is she's Naba-san."

"Are you sure height is that much of an issue? Those boots and heels the Senshi wear are freaking tall. Sailor Mercury must be a big brain, so I think she must be the local you, Honya-chan!" Asuna said.

Nodoka feigned surprise. "Oh my!"

"You might be on something there, Asuna-san..." Yue played along.

"Mmm, Nodo-chan would look so tasty in a Senshi fuku..." Haruna hummed along.

"Haruna," Calculator said. "Just go follow your counterpart already. IMMEDIATELY!"

...

...

**Why Am I Forced To Intervene So Much, And More Importantly, Why Can't I Bring Myself to Object?- by Chao**

**_From the Journals of Chao Lingshen, Time Traveler_ **

**_Entry: Stage Two, Day Three of the Kyoto Trip, Attempt Number (CLASSIFIED). 7:30 A.M._ **

_Miyazaki Nodoka has not kissed the main subject of my observation, Negi Springfield, and thus, has not gained the Diarum Ejus Artifact. That pretty much dooms his efforts today. Assuming the day's events follow the same basic pattern observed in a rough 79% of prior iterations, Negi Springfield and whoever follows him today won't be able to escape Amagasaki Chigusa's trap on time, and the probability of a Red Lantern Ring, a wish from Rind, or him spontaneously accessing his mutant powers is unlikely in this iteration. 30 percent chance of that freak meteor strike though, although only 3 percent chance it will be a kryptonite meteorite that gives him rubber powers._

_Previous attempts to allow him an attempt to escape in any other way have led to early, nearly complete tragedy in an approximate of 63% of previous loops where my ancestor didn't Pactio with Miyazaki Nodoka. And so, despite all my well-founded and justified reasons to attempt to stay out of the current situation's events, I'll be forced to interfere once more if I desire to steer this iteration into a salvageable path._

Right after finishing the morning's annotation, Chao called Natsuki and had her agree to meet with her mid-way, at a point where Negi shouldn't be able to locate them. If her calculations were right, she was going to need some backup for the task at hand. Then she moved out to set the second stage of her plan in motion.

Chao had approached Satsuki very early that morning. "Sat-chan, please cover for me during today's activities, ne? I need to do a few things on my own, but I need you to excuse me with Sora-san."

The cook nodded slowly. "Very well. Anything else I may do for you?"

As usual, Satsuki asked no difficult questions, no attempts to peek into Chao's motives or reasons. Chao was truly grateful for that, but it also was troubling in a slight way. Often, she had to wonder exactly how much had Sat-chan guessed about her true intentions in this current loop. She'd tell her everything before Mahorafest, of course, or rather, everything Sat-chan was _supposed_ to know, but in the meanwhile, Chao preferred to keep her in the dark about the uneasy to explain parts as much as she could.

"No, only that. Tell her I felt sick and wanted to stay here, but not too bad so she doesn't send Ako or anyone else to check on me."

Yotsuba only nodded. She was never a liar, unless Chao herself asked her to lie for her. Chao prided herself on never telling an outright lie herself, but deep inside, she felt guilty about delegating her lies to others.

Another necessary sacrifice.

"Thank you so very much, Sat-chan. I'd be lost without you."

At least she could always be honest about that.

Chao loaded her backpack with everything she'd need for the day, walked out, and hid in a bush to wait for Negi and whoever he chose to accompany him today.

She could see Nodoka hiding in the bushes at the other side of the road, and smiled to herself. Since she was so much more experienced than Miyazaki at hiding and spying, the librarian couldn't see her in turn. Chao found slightly odd the fact Yue was nowhere near, but then again, after the prior day's events, maybe Nodoka had good reason for wanting to act solo today.

Maybe things could be still steered in a more adequate direction, after all...

An observer that could have watched them both at the same time might have had the impression, from their respective positions, they were related or something.

After a few minutes of wait, they saw Negi and Chisame leaving the inn, with Matoi in insistent tow. Each one on her own side, Nodoka and Chao followed them discreetly, never noticing the head peeking out the front door, scowling deeply, as they turned their backs to the building.

Suzushiro Haruka fumed twice, pulled a far too conspicuous overcoat on herself, and stalked after them quickly. In turn, she never noticed _yet someone else_ peeking out after her.

Thin fingers pushed thick round glasses up the bridge of a freckled nose.

A sister's duties were always before a chaperone's, after all. Sora pulled out her cellphone, made a quick call to Morisato-sempai begging him to cover for her in the Cinema Town visit, and before he could object or ask, she thanked him and cut the call. Then she all but ran following Chisame's trail from afar.

She still couldn't bring herself to trust that strange girl always shadowing her Imouto. No doubt she was dragging Chisame and Negi-sensei into something dangerous and creepy, like all obsessed stalkers in the scary movies did...

As soon as Sora was out of sight, Psycho Purple and Valkyrie Black emerged from the bush _they'd_ been hiding behind, the former's superior bush-hiding abilities having rendered them completely undetected even to Chao.

"Wow," Yue said as they trotted to follow. "That's a _lot_ of stalkers. Why do I get the feeling this is going to end up like the closing credits of an episode of Benny Hill?"

"At least Negi-san will be well-accompanied," Nodoka said, multiple small notebooks already stacked in her hand, each emblazoned with the name of nearly all of Negi's stalkers, reading them simultaneously. "Come on."

...

**You're 100 Years Too Young To Surpass Me in the Arts of Stalking!- by Matoi**

The train sped towards the last destination of its course now, and enough people had just left the car for Matoi to be able to speak what had been bugging her for the last few minutes without being overheard.

"We're being followed," she whispered to Negi, Chisame and Asuna.

The two 3-A students and their teacher tensed up in alarm. Pactio cards were reached for. "Who?" Negi whispered the single word with wary urgency.

"Relax, it's only Miyazaki-san, the Vice President and Chisame-sama's sister," the stalker replied, her face perfectly still and calmed. "They're in the next car, but I got a glimpse of them getting in there right as the train was leaving." She kept her voice very low. "I couldn't tell you before because we had people all around. Maybe if I had one of those cards that allow you telepathy..." she dropped a hint.

"Sora," Chisame clenched both a fist and her teeth.

"Well, it's just natural she'd worry about her kid sister," Asuna crossed her arms. "Don't fret, we'll lose them after we get off."

Chisame scowled, unconvinced, but still said, "All right..."

Chamo chuckled. "Well, the V.P.'s following you already, Bro! I guess she couldn't shake that kiss out of her head after all!"

"Shut up or I'll toss you out the window. Do you want to give us away in public?" Chisame mumbled.

"You sure your Stalker-Senses don't catch on anyone else, Sempai?" Asuna casually asked.

Matoi frowned, gave the car a thoughtful look all around, and finally shook her head with reluctance. "I don't think so."

A few seats away, Psycho Purple sighed in relief at the words forming on the book she was reading.

''I don't think so. Still, I feel something's kinda off..." it read.

Purple adjusted the magic disguise glasses on her face again and looked at Valkyrie Black, who sat next to her with similar glasses on, and resisting the urge to drink something to soothe her nerves. "We're safe," Nodoka whispered almost into Yue's ear. " The other me, that girl who kissed Sensei last night and Hasegawa-san's sister are all in the next car. Thoughts?"

"You know the drill. Let's not interfere at all unless it's really needed," Black whispered back. "Haven't you noticed anything else?"

"At least in this car, no..."

In the next car, an uneasy looking local Nodoka, Haruka and Sora sat all together, staring at each other in silence.

Not very surprisingly, Haruka was the first one to talk. "I'm here only because I need to make sure my fellow students don't engorge in illicit behavior hiding from the rest of us," she droned.

"You mean engage," Sora corrected, polite but firm. "And so am I, actually. You can go back and leave this to me, Suzushiro-san."

"I must say I haven't received the best signs you can handle this, Hasegawa-san," Haruka told her. "After all, you were the one who allowed Tsunetsuki-san get into this trip."

"And from what I learned this morning from the other students, you just kissed Negi-sensei," Sora pointed out in calm and cold Protect Imouto-chan's Heart mode.

"Th-That was only an accident!" Haruka sputtered.

"Good. Then I'm here to make sure more accidents don't happen," Sora replied without missing a beat. "And what's your reason... Miyazaki-san, isn't it?" she asked Nodoka.

The shy girl gasped a few times and kept her eyes on her own feet. "I... I just lost my way, and ended up taking this train by mistake..."

Neither of the older females was fooled.

Neither were the two black haired girls wearing disguise glasses and reading newspapers sitting a few seats apart from them.

"I still can't believe they can't spot us with only these stupid glasses on..." Kuga Natsuki muttered.

"Shhhh," the local Chao silenced her. "Just keep your blood cool and your eyes open. Tsunetsuki is old hat to all the tricks of stalking, and they're going to try and throw us off their trail."

"To be honest, I'm not really sure I want to go there..." Natsuki's whisper grew bitter.

"You can't run away from it forever," Chao said.

"I guess I can't," Natsuki mused in a small, dry voice. Then she felt a few light pats on her left hand. She looked over to see Chao giving her a small goofy smile.

"Family isn't always what we wanted it to be, but it's always important. Believe me," the Chinese genius told her.

Natsuki scowled fiercely, but didn't feel like slapping the hand away this once.

...

**I Actually Like Better Staying at the Sidelines, But...- by Satsuki**

_Kyoto_ :

After supplying Chao's excuses around and keeping her instructions for the day in mind, Yotsuba Satsuki finished dressing up for the day, took a brief look at her special picture, and put it into her breast pocket, securing it here with a small smile.

She had put on a simple but elegant red dress, enough to avoid calling unwanted attention, but also colorful enough to justify the lack of a costume if the girls wanted to visit Cinema Town (it looked like most of her classmates wanted to go there. Good, at least it'd keep them out of Chao's way).

She came out to find most of the girls had already left, although Ku Fei, Zazie, Kaede and the twins still stuck around at the lobby discussing where to go. Rather, everyone but Zazie was discussing; as usual, the acrobat only hung at the back of the group without saying a single world.

Calmly, without really intruding in, Satsuki stepped closer, and then her friends asked for her opinion. Yotsuba hummed to herself, looked through the trip guides the girls were showing her, and quickly devised a visit schedule for the whole day that satisfied everyone. For her, it was easy.

"The Dojo you want to visit won't open until this afternoon anyway, so let's leave it for the last, Ku-san..."

Ku nodded very quickly. "Of course-aru! How hadn't I noticed it before?"

"You still lack reading comprehension!" Fuuka chided her. "You've slacked off again since the term's final test!"

"Ahh ha ha ha, maybe I need to visit Library Island with Negi-bouzou again...?" Ku laughed.

Kaede joined in with a chuckle, and even Satsuki giggled a little.

Her friends sure liked Negi-sensei a lot.

As they left the Inn, Satsuki could swear she briefly saw a pale girl sitting on a tree's branches, quietly watching her pass while lifting lazy eyes from a book she was reading. Yotsuba even thought she could get a glimpse of the title: _The Tail of the Snake_. But when she tried to get a better look, the girl was simply gone.

Had she imagined it? Or had it been a ghost? Chao once told her a ghost haunted their own classroom, after all...

"Sat-chan, hurry up! You don't want to mess your own schedule up, do you?" Fuuka called out from ahead.

"G-Going!" the chef picked up the pace to rejoin them. She forgot the whole matter with the strange girl quite fast.

She had better things to think about, after all.

...

 **Those** **People** **Definitely Got Something Going On- by Madok** a

Setsuna tried to keep an even face as she walked down the street, following Konoka, Misora, Misa, Sakurako, Madoka and Hakase. She kept on stealing glances behind her, where an innocent-looking group of 'Nelly', Maga Alba, AngelGARd and Twilight Red marched on drinking in the sights- or so they feigned; to Setsuna's trained eye, it was more or less clear they were on the watch for anything suspicious.

Finally, they reached the gates of Cinema Town proper, where Konoka offered to pay for the tickets and costumes for everyone.

Setsuna blinked. Wait...

"Costumes?" she found herself asking.

"Ah, yeah, well, it's a local tradition by now, to dress up as you enter here," Madoka said, holding a tourism guide. "The place's like a giant carnival. Didn't you know? I thought you were a local."

"Setchan and me never used to come here," Konoka explained. "We weren't allowed to leave Daddy's house."

""Ah, you were raised together? That's news to me," Kugimiya said.

"It was... only for a short time," Setsuna replied, her gaze elsewhere.

"Well, it was a very strict upbringing, anyway," Madoka added. "Whatever, Misa, Saku-chan, the Prof, Misora and I already brought our own cosplay, so that only leaves you guys..." She looked over at Hakase and the giant metal backpack with extra arms she was wearing. "Isn't that thing heavy as hell?"

Satomi shook her head. "No, it's actually made of an ultra-light special material we've been working on," she lied.

"Hm," Madoka then looked at Sakurako. "You, on the other hand, didn't put too much effort into it, did you? You only brought a cheer outfit! I expected better from you..."

Sakurako giggled. "You're much sexier looking, though, 'Kugimin'!" she teased.

Madoka groaned and looked at the Playboy suit she was wearing. Complete with rabbit ears. "It's Suzumiya-sempai's fault. She gave me this, and made me swear I'd wear it here and send her pictures."

"You still intending to join that weird club?" Misa asked her. "That Kyon guy's hardly worth the effort. Why don't you join our Club of English Research instead?" she suggested, ignoring the sharp glares Misora was shooting her.

"Sorry, but I already gave my word I'd be joining," replied Madoka. "Although I still have no idea how Suzumiya-sempai managed to get me in, since it's a club of high schoolers, but it's better not to think too much about it..."

Everyone nodded solemnly in agreement.

"I understand she made you the club's pet. At least that's what they say in the rumor mill," Misa offered.

"It wouldn't shock me," Madoka said with resignation. "Well, aren't you two going to dress up, too?" she asked Konoka and Setsuna.

"I will!" Konoka chirped. "How about you, Setchan?"

"Um... well, sure..." she answered reluctantly. After all, she couldn't possibly leave Konoka alone in the dressing rooms, where she could be ambushed by one of those dangerous perverts, like her sister...

_Somewhere, Tsukuyomi sneezed…_

"Great! Come in, come in! You too, Nelly-chan, Akemi-chan, Ai-chan, Yu-chan!" she called while grabbing the mortified Setsuna by a hand.

"N-NO!" Nelly eeped. "I mean, uh, I mean I'm fine as I'm right now...!"

Twilight Red sighed. "What she means is there won't be enough room for everyone in there at once, so you four go first," she more or less gently directed a dubious Sakurazaki and Konoe to go along Konoka and Setsuna. "Nelly-chan and me will go after you're done."

"T-Together?" Nelly gulped.

"Of course together!" Kagurazaka forced a smile while discreetly stepping on Negi's right foot to silence him. "What's wrong with that? We're both _girls_ , after all, and it isn't like we haven't seen each other naked before! _A lot_!"

"Oh... Oh... Okay..." 'she' deflated.

Madoka looked back and forth between them, with round eyes, and then pretended to look aside innocently. Kagurazaka noticed, and replied with an annoyed glare. Madoka only chuckled under her breath.

...

**This Is The Entrance To Success!- by Negi**

_Kyoto:_

Negi, Chisame, Asuna and Matoi stood before a very tall set of steps built into a hill's rock, leading up to a wide and majestic gate, which in turn led to a seemingly long, long, long corridor surrounded by a bamboo forest.

"We're almost there. The Kansai Magic Association's headquarters..." a fascinated Negi mused.

Matoi put her hands on her cheeks. " _"Ky-a!"_ she cooed. "Now we've lost all those annoying snoops along our way, there's nothing left to do but to walk into that lonely, shadowy, romantic passageway! You two go ahead, Sensei, Asuna-san! Chisame-sama and me will watch your backs and cheer for your budding relationship!"

Asuna shot her _that_ glare. "Chisame! Keep your pet down!"

"As soon as I learn how to," the hacker grunted. "Are you completely sure we lost them? I don't want Honya or any other of them following us in there..."

Matoi waved a hand. "They'd have to include an expert tracker in their ranks to overcome my masterful misdirection!"

"I hope so, after all the turns and twists you made us take!" Asuna snapped and stormed ahead. "Alright, let's go and deliver the darn letter already! I'm getting tired of this nonsense!"

"Do you think you're the only one?" Chisame followed her, with Matoi closely in tow.

"Girls, wait, I'll go first!" Negi rushed ahead, with Chamo clinging to one of his shoulders. "I'll lead the way in case there's any kind of traps!"

After they went up the steps and disappeared into the passageway, Nodoka, Haruka and Sora all popped out of a bush below.

"I told you I'd carry us all the way, despite their attempts to erode us!" the blonde boasted, ignoring the rhinoceros beetles walking all over her scalp. "I've been hunting delinquents and tracking them into the wilderness of Mahora's surroundings for years now! Yes, now I see it clearly! Those three sick girls have dragged Negi-sensei there to deflower him!"

Nodoka and Sora gasped aloud, hard, until Nodoka blinked and said, "Um, are you sure you didn't mean Elude instead of Erode?"

Sora took her hands to her cheeks. "Oh my God! Where did I fail? I've allowed my poor little sister to slip into vice! N-Next she'll be asking me to engage in torrid threesomes with her and Negi-sensei, all night long, until we're both pregnant with his children and—! And—!"

Nodoka and Haruka stared at her, dumbfounded. Sora blushed even more. "W-W-What?"

"Sicko," Haruka muttered. "Like big sister, like little sister."

"Th-There must be a mistake here!" Nodoka trembled. "Asuna-san only likes older, distinguished gentlemen! Not cute younger British gentlemen like Negi-sensei!"

"Or so she want us to believe!" Haruka lectured, jumping out of the bush and storming up the steps. "Let's go! We'll surprise them in blatant coitus!"

Sora felt like fainting, but somehow endured enough to go after her. "Please don't say such lewd things on my watch!"

"Your sister's the lewd one!" Haruka shot back.

"No, she isn't! Chisame is a good and honest girl!"

Nodoka sighed and followed them, feeling her heart pound madly. She felt so helpless in this situation without Yue...

"Where are we now?" Kero asked from her backpack. Nodoka only silenced him with a quick "Shhhhh!"

As they ran up the stairs, Psycho Purple and Valkyrie Black both popped up from _their_ bush, blushing profusely.

"Sora-san is surprisingly dirty-minded," Yue said.

"Y-yes, she is," Nodoka agreed, pulling off the branches she'd tied to her head.

"I guess it's always the quiet ones."

"I-indeed."

"She's got an imagination almost dirtier than _yours_."

"Yes, she– YUE-CHAN!"

...

**Ah! The Astonishing Debut Of My Dirty, Dirty Chibi Form Is Here!- by Setsuna**

As Negi and his companions advanced up the passage, they were surprised by the sudden appearance, in a small poof of smoke, of a tiny figure hanging in mid-air. With already partially-honed battle instincts and speed, Negi swung his staff forward while preparing a spell. Behind her, the Partners, who already had changed into their powered forms, drew their respective Artifacts out. It all happened in a split second, and then...

"Negi-Sensei!" a diminutive voice squealed. Negi blinked, seeing he had pressed a miniature Setsuna with an adorably huge head between his staff and a nearby tree. The Setsuna lookalike gasped for air, so desperately and cutely Negi felt obliged to release her immediately. "Oh, thank you! I thought you were going to squash me! But I should've told you about this before..."

"Wh-Who are you?" Negi babbled. Behind him, the girls were too baffled to even ask.

"You can call me Chibi-Setsuna," the terribly kawaii tiny being bowed for Negi, Chisame, Asuna and Matoi. Then she turned to the audience. "As for you, you can call me... at the 1-555-SETCHAN Hotline, where for a very small fee, you can join the Unequally Rational and Emotional Fan Club, and you'll receive, free, a keychain and bookmark with my likeness! And you also can buy a Chibi-Setsuna plushie for only—"

"Who are you talking to?" Chisame asked her.

"No one important!" Chibi-Setsuna said. "Listen, I'm using a body splitting technique of sorts. My main awareness is at Cinema Town watching over Konoka Ojou-sama, but I didn't feel at ease leaving you alone here, so I sent myself, as a miniature duplicate, to check how were you doing."

"I'm in the mountains carrying a letter for a bunch of wizards, with a fairy thing made of paper talking to me! So I don't think I'm doing too well!" Chisame answered.

"Regardless, please watch your steps around here," Chibi-Setsuna asked politely. "The honorable leader will be expecting you, but we can't say for sure if there aren't any traitors sympathizing with Amagasaki inside of the headquarters, and they might have set a trap for you..."

"Aren't you afraid about that woman herself showing up?" Matoi asked, noticeably unfazed.

"As of this point, not really," Chibi-Setsuna shared. "I feared she could ambush you before this, but as from now on, we're far too close to the headquarters for a renegade like her to come close. She'd have to have lost her mind..."

"For all we know, she has," Chisame argued.

Matoi nodded sagely. "Yeah, she seemed very unstable to me two nights ago..."

"Pot, meet kettle..." Asuna muttered.

Watching from high up the hill, standing on a tree and armed with binoculars, Chigusa felt veins pumping on her head. "Those little snot nosed punks seem to think I'm insane..."

Kotaro snorted, sitting on a branch near her with his legs hanging down and kicking lazily. "I wonder what could ever give them that idea..."

"At least I don't make a habit out of sniffing my own ass," Chigusa snarled.

"What the—?-! I only do that in the bath!-! Were you looking at me, old... old... woman?-!"

"No. Tsukuyomi told me. She spies on _everyone_ in the bath."

"Every... one...? Even the American with the hat fetish?"

"Even the American with the hat fetish!" Chigusa confirmed stoically.

Kotaro grabbed his stomach. "I'm never taking jobs with that girl again."

"Welcome to the club, boy!"

...

**This Road Is Long and Hard, Just Like A Man's... Road Should Be!- by Chamo**

"Hey, brat," Asuna called out after a long while of walking in silence.

"Yes, Asuna-san?" Negi turned his head to look at her.

"Don'tcha think this path is kinda way too long? I'm thinking we lost our way..." she exposed.

"But Asuna-san, this is a straight, narrow road with no alternate paths. How could we have–?" he argued, blinking.

"Actually, I was starting to think the same thing," Chisame observed. "I'm sure we've passed that tree before. Twice."

"How can you tell, Chiucchi-nee?" Chamo asked. "All these trees look the same to me!"

"Don't call me that," Chisame warned. "And that tree is unmistakable. Look at what it's been carved into its trunk."

KONOCHAN & SETCHAN FOREVER!

"That's... that's how Konoka's handwriting was when we were little..." Asuna said.

"Well!" Negi laughed. "She lived around here, after all! It wouldn't surprise me if she wrote that on several trees on this hill!"

"Yeah, let's buy that," Chisame muttered. "Whatever."

Twenty minutes after, even Negi was convinced. "We're going in circles..."

Chisame sat down to pant while Matoi fanned her dutifully. "Man, this dress is so hot and heavy!" she complained. "Why can't I have a fresh and light Biblion Rouge outfit like Calculator's?"

Reminiscing about that ultra-short skirt, Chamo sighed. "Oh, now there's something we can agree on..."

Floating over Negi's head, Chibi-Setsuna scowled. "Sensei?"

"Yes, Setsuna-san?"

"Let's scout ahead while the girls rest here. They'll catch up to us later!" the SD Setsuna proposed.

"Eh? But we can't leave them alone here if there are enemies around!" he protested.

"Just come with me! I want to prove a point!" Chibi-Setsuna insisted, all but pulling him along with amazing strength for something so small.

"Don't worry about us, we'll be okay!" Asuna waved at them, and sat down next to Chisame. "The greatest day of our lives, huh?"

"I could think of a few better ones..." Chisame mumbled, pulling a small bottle of water out and drinking from it. She offered it afterwards to Matoi, who enjoyed the indirect kiss, and Asuna, who drank without minding it either way.

They waited for a few moments regaining strength, but as soon as they stood back up, they saw Negi, Chamo and Chibi-Setsuna coming back the opposite way they had headed into last time they were seen.

"Brat, why did you go all the way around?" Asuna asked him.

"Uh? What are you three doing so ahead the road?" Negi asked back. "How did you pass us by?"

"We haven't moved from here, Sensei! You walked in a circle again!" Chisame scolded him.

"That's impossible!" he protested. "We walked straight ahead without ever deviating! Didn't we, Setsuna-san?"

The Chibi sighed. "I knew it! We've been trapped in an endless recursion of space!"

"What's that? Sounds like something a SOS Brigade member would come up with," Chisame grew worried.

"We're locked in a self-contained looping field through the Thousand Gates of the Association!" Chibi-Setsuna explained. "No matter how far we try to go, we'll be sent to the exact same starting point!"

"What!" Negi cried.

"Can mages really do that?-!" Chisame asked.

"How do we get out of this?-!" Asuna demanded. "Last time I was trapped with you guys, I was attacked by a giant golem and was chased naked up endless stairs!"

"You were?" Matoi asked. "Ah, Library Island!" she remembered. "Chisame-sama, you were naked too? Wahhh! I should have been down there with y—"

A solid Chisame Jab to the face silenced her.

...

**Oh my Goddess, Just my Luck…- by Keiichi**

Morisato Keiichi walked down the streets of Cinema Town miserably. It just wasn't being his day.

Not only Sora had saddled him with the group she was supposed to be looking after, but after making it to the place, they had found they were supposed to wear costumes. The girls had all happily bought themselves different outfits to wear around, but Keiichi found, much to his horror, he had left almost all his money at the Inn, since he wasn't even supposed to come along in the first place.

Saotome Haruna-san had showed up as a lifesaver, along with Naba Chizuru-san, saying they had bought the perfect costume for him while he was panicking and rummaging through his wallet looking for inexistent secret compartiments to raid. They both smiled as they handed the colorful package to him, and before he could ask exactly what it was, he was almost pushed inside of a dresser.

Naturally, everyone was gone by the time he finally dared to come out.

He had lost all will to ever have children of his own.

Now, hoping to find them before nightfall, he scouted the streets with a mortified expression, trying to get as much of his long black wig covering his face as possible.

"Hey there, sweetie, " a tall man in seventies' clothes made his sly way to the short girl in the gypsy costume, reaching over to blodly caress her long black hair with a hand. "A gypsy princess, huh? Wanna read my future, good looking?"

Keiichi slowly turned his head to him and growled in a voice thicker than he'd ever thought he could have, "It's far far away from me."

The man squeaked like a trapped mouse and backpedalled until he doubled a corner and disappeared from sight.

Keiichi groaned to himself. The worst part was he knew Saotome-san would take pictures when he eventually could find her...

...

**Following my Sister's Path? Being the Firstborn, shouldn't she Follow Mine?- by Sora**

"I think," Sora wheezed as she stopped, resting her back against a tree, "We're walking in circles now."

They had entered the loop area shortly after Negi and Chibi-Setsuna had passed the start point again, so they didn't run into them. Now, as Negi and his companions stopped at one side of the path to think, Sora, Haruka and Nodoka had fallen into the same trap.

"Nonsense! I have a perfect sense of direction!" Haruka huffed, looking with disapproval how Nodoka sat down with her back to the tree's trunk as well, panting softly. "And you two really need to work out! A walk this brief exhausts you?" She patted herself on the large bust. The modest sized girls shared a downcast look. "Pathetic! You're women in modern times, you can't let your bodies winter down!"

"Don't you mean 'wither', Sempai?" Nodoka asked.

"Well, yeah, that!"

But seeing they still had to rest, the blonde sighed and sat next to them. "Fine. Only for a few minutes."

"Sora-san, since you're here... Who's looking after the rest of the class?" Nodoka finally dared to ask.

Sora weakly smiled at her. "It's okay, Miyazaki-san. I left Keiichi-sempai at charge. He's the most responsible man I know, so everything will be all right, I assure you."

Thunder cracked ominously through the sky.

"Huh. Looks like it'll rain," Haruka observed. "We'd better hurry before we're caught in the open."

"Just two minutes more..." Sora pleaded, rubbing her aching feet. "Miyazaki-san, where are your two friends? Since you always seem to hang together..."

Nodoka fidgeted. "W-Well, I was thinking, and Yue actually encouraged me to, maybe I should be more independent... act more confident of myself, without relying on others all the time..."

Haruka nodded. "That's some good advice! It's the same thing I always tell Yukino! Ah, that poor girl can't get anything done if I'm not around! Maybe she'll develop some independence during her class trip, although I doubt it..."

More thunder resounded ominously.

"It'll start raining any minute now..." Haruka observed.

"I feel good to go! Sorry!" Nodoka leaped back to her feet. Then, for a moment, she tensed and seemed to feel something moving across the nearby bushes.

"Something wrong, Miyazaki-san?" Sora noticed her momentary confusion.

Nodoka shook her head reluctantly. "N-No, nothing... Let's go!"

Watching from far above the hill, Chigusa frowned. "What are those idiots doing here, too? Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter. It's obvious they're powerless and clueless. Kotaro, I need to leave to rejoin the main group. In the meanwhile, keep on watching over the area and don't intervene unless they somehow come close to escaping. I'll leave her with you." She patted the head of a gigantic, definitely as Shelob-esque as it could get without copyright infraction, attack spider waiting immobile next to them.

"Okay, yeah," Kotaro nodded absently, too busy staring down to even utter his usual protests of boredom. It was her down there! The stupid shy girl from last night! What was _she_ doing there? Damn it, why couldn't she keep herself out of trouble?

...

**The Price for the Information I Wish is Way Too High!- by Natsuki**

Watching Sora, Haruka and Nodoka from a prudent distance, Natsuki hung right behind a softly smirking Chao.

"They truly have no idea where they're going, do they?" the young biker whispered.

"Don't be harsh with them, Nat-chan," Chao whispered back. "Soon we'll be just as lost as them. We've entered the same trap loop they walked into."

"What?"

"Just keep your blood cool and your trick guns ready, ne? Don't question me, just do what I tell you when I tell you, and everything will be fine! By the way, there's someone following us."

"Er, what? I'm sure I'd have noticed..."

Chao put a finger on her own lips. "Natchan, I know you're used to track and be tracked by the best normal humans in the underground, but this is different. Trust me. Stay calm but alert."

An annoyed Kuga grunted. "I can see I'm going to need a magical edge if I want to keep looking into these circles."

"I'll see what I can do about it," Chao promised.

"I wasn't asking for _your_ help!" Natsuki hissed.

"Lower your voice!" Chao hissed back. "Listen, without spoiling too much, I can tell you someone with _actual_ dog hearing might be around. And smell too, by the way, so stick close to me. You have no chance in a direct confrontation against him."

As they advanced stealthily through the road's side, Natsuki asked, barely audible, "Have you been here before?"

"Never. But I do have extensive records on the situation at hand here."

"But that makes no sense. How could you—"

"Later, Natchan. Later."

...

**Being Trapped In A Labyrinth Is The Whole History If My Life- by Chisame**

"It's... It's no good!" Negi said as he re-emerged from between the bamboo trees. "Even if I try to walk into the woods, away from the road, I'm still sent back to the starting place after a while!"

"I found a small shop they must have set since the last time I was here!" Chibi-Setsuna announced before the girls could protest, returning from her own escape attempt scouting. "There's no one in there, but it at least has drinks and seats!"

She led them to a small rest stop, where everyone could finally use a toilet before sitting next to a soda dispensing machine, sulking and drinking while trying to think of a way out.

"What if you fly us out on your staff?" Chisame asked Negi.

"I already tried a test flight out," Negi sighed. "The magical shield covering the area blocked me."

"And why don't you blast it with your own magic?" Asuna asked now.

"Ehhhh, I'm not that strong a mage yet! You didn't bring _that_ Negi Springfield!" he said.

"Well, if the problem is a magical barrier, strike the borders with your harisen," Matoi told Asuna. "That's supposed to neutralize magic, isn't it?"

"It's not a bad idea," Chibi-Setsuna pondered. "But I doubt it'll be effective unless the focal point of the magic is hit."

"Can either of you find that?" Chisame asked Negi and Chibi-Setsuna. They and Chamo shook their heads regretfully.

"Screw it!" Chisame huffed and placed her Card against her forehead. "I'm calling Hakase and telling her to organize a rescue!"

"Why her?-!" Matoi protested.

"Remember who organized our rescue from Library Island, again?" Chisame countered, making Matoi pout. "Hngh, nothing! Is this interfering with our communications as well?"

"If it's a true closed loop, nothing can come in or out, even magical transmissions," Negi said. "Just to be sure, I already tried that too, and it didn't work then either."

"Sweet!" Asuna stomped a foot down. "Why do these losers bother so much just to stop the delivery of a stupid letter?"

"Well, we can't know until we read it," Matoi said. "So why don't we open it and read?"

"What? NO!" Negi gasped. "It'd be an unforgivable transgression! Father would be ashamed!"

"From what we saw of your father, he'd have opened it as soon as he was left alone with it," Chisame commented.

Asuna blinked. "Wait, when did you get to see Negi's father? I thought he'd disappeared?"

"We saw him in Evangeline-san's memories. It's a long story..." Negi exhaled sadly. "Never mind that now. I suggest combing the whole limits of the path grounds we have available until we manage to hit the key spot with Asuna-san's magic cancelling. Your enhanced Pactio speed should fasten the process, Asuna-san..."

"But it still could take us the whole day!" Asuna gasped. "I'll miss Konoka's whole visit!"

"Think of it as more training," Chisame said. "I thought you loved it. Or isn't it that wonderful now your Onee-san isn't here?"

"Oh, bite me, Chisame," Kagurazaka snorted, ignoring the fierce sudden glares Matoi devoted her. Still, she swung her Artifact over her shoulder effortlessly, ready to begin. "Okay, the sooner we start, the sooner we're done! Where first, Negi?"

"Let's see, I'd suggest..." Negi began, right before a loud, alarming sound in the distance, down the hill, startled them all.

...

**My Valiant Samurai will Protect Me!- by Konoka**

"Waiiii! Setchan, you're simply _gorgeous_!" Konoka put her hands together, chirping in ecstasy. The other girl grimaced slightly, with faintly red cheeks as she stood in the middle of the street in a samurai costume. A _male_ samurai costume, adding to her uneasiness.

"Yuunagi doesn't fit this costume at all..." she muttered, struggling to get her large sword the right way into the ensemble she had been stuck with. She had to admit to herself, at the very least, the panties Sakurako had lent her earlier felt fresher than her bicycle shorts would have under that getup.

Gathered around them, their classmates watched on with varying degrees of amusement. (Just so you don't have to check again, Misora, Misa, Madoka, Sakurako and Hakase were there with them).

"Strike a pose together!" Misa began taking pictures of them with her cellphone. "The samurai and his princess! Man, it couldn't be better if _I_ had planned it!"

Setsuna shot an angry glare at her, but then Konoka, in her gorgeous royal kimono, wrapped an arm around her and rested her head against her chest, and everything else was forgotten.

"Like this?" Konoka softly cooed.

"Perfect!" Misa cheered on, with Sakurako whipping her own phone and following her example. "Wow, you two are _naturals_! But don't stand so stiff, Setsuna...!"

Madoka exhaled. "At least this time I'm not the one forced into drag..."

"Huh?" Misora turned to her.

"I don't like to talk about it, but they once stuck me in a boy's uniform for a special cheer routine. It was kind of a short play, actually," she tried to explain. "I had to walk into scene, 'hit' on them, and then we'd make a cute musical number."

"You were hitting them?" Hakase asked, frowning. Somehow, Madoka didn't like how the backpack's metal fists tightened as that question was voiced.

"No, no, that's lingo for 'flirting', Prof..." Misora explained. "Geez, get out more, will you?"

"Oh, we're working on that..." Sakurako nodded vacantly while finding another angle for her pictures, much to Setsuna's quiet distress.

And yet, it felt so nice, a small goofy smile soon appeared on her lips...

Further aside in the crowd, out of immediate hearing range, Haruna and Yue hung back as the girls continued taking pictures of Setsuna and Konoka.

"I don't see anything weird with this," Yue whispered. "It's only perfectly innocent cosplaying."

"My nose never lies, and it's telling me there's more than meets the eye here," Haruna poked a finger on her own nose. "Just look at Setsuna's face! I never had seen her with that kind of goofy smile before."

"It really looks that way, doesn't it?" a voice spoke behind her.

Haruna jumped up, relaxing when she saw it was only Asakura Kazumi, in an Edo Era detective costume, standing behind her rubbing her chin and grinning deviously. "Oh, don't appear behind people like that! You almost gave me a stroke!"

Definitely, Dad was right for once. She needed to regain her capacity to detect people sneaking on her. That was HER shtick, dammit!

"What's happening here?" Ayaka walked in after Asakura, wearing an elaborate Geisha costume. Natsumi, in a simple white kimono and pale makeup that made her look like an old fashioned ghost, arrived next, with a Chizuru elegantly dressed like an English gentleman with monocle and top hat shadowing her steps. Haruna mentally gave Naba a Seven Point Nine in her inner fetish-meter before bothering to answer the Class Rep's question.

"Ah, well, yeah. You'll see, Iincho, we casually and randomly happened to stroll around here looking for Nodo-chan, when we saw this. We're just as shocked as you, for real!"

"I've seen Hakase/Sakurako. Nothing can shock me anymore," Kazumi began taking pictures of her own from a distance. "Excellent angle! This will go for the trip memories book!"

Ayaka nearly sneered. "Why must you see passionate subtext in everything? Just because they're close and dressed as man and woman, it doesn't mean they are in love or anything. Just like being dressed like a detective doesn't make you deductive at all, Asakura-san."

"Or just like, despite being dressed like a Geisha, you aren't a—" Haruna began.

"Exactly!" Ayaka interrupted her right on time.

"Ah!" Natsumi pointed down the street. "Look, it's a real horse carriage!"

"Indeed it is!" a man's voice spoke from near her, sounding fairly pleased, with a strong American accent. The girls looked around to see it was a member of the costumed attendance that had gathered around quickly to look at the horsedrawn vehicle. Tall and thin, with emerald green hair, bright red lips and a stark white face, supporting himself on a cane and wearing an elegant purple suit. A bored-looking little girl with large golden eyes and wearing a black and red harlequin costume stood between him and a short pale boy with curt, dry and hostile eyes, sporting the traditional clothes of the Pierrot. "Well, well, I can say we're about to have a whole lotta fun!" the man chirped happily, looking expectant as the carriage stopped right before the crowd.

...

**Oh, the Things we Do for The Cause….- by Michael**

Michael Garrett had done his fair share of different jobs while serving the Comrade's cause, and now that of his allies. While he preferred the technical aspects of his mission, he had no problem handling menial tasks either, after a life of raising a younger sister in a country village of the Mundus Magicus badlands. Since arriving at Kyoto with Miss Fasalina, he had done his share of both, and he never complained.

But now, wearing the dark clothes of a carriage driver, hunchbacked under a huge top hat (he had checked it out exhaustively before putting it on. By now, he was wise to Mr. Tetch's tricks), he felt so ridiculous, it was embarrassing.

The young red-haired man stopped the carriage before the awed crowd, and Tsukuyomi stepped down, a radiant vision of delicate beauty, with a charming smile on her thin pink tinted lips. A muted collective gasp ran through the crowd as she walked slowly, with exquisite elegance, holding a small white fan against her chin.

"Yomi… chan…" Konoka's voice came out weakly, and she barely noticed Setsuna stepping between them with protective ferocity.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," Tsukuyomi spoke, dignified and majestic, affecting a Western accent, and Misa couldn't help feeling a tingle in her heart. Misora grimaced. Hakase stared on very curiously. "I have come to claim compensation for the loan I gave your house."

"What are you talking about, Yomi-chan? It's me, Kono-chan!" Konoka tried to advance at her, pointing at her own face, but Setsuna blocked her path with an arm. "Setchan, what's going on? Don't recognize her? She's—"

Tsukuyomi coughed loudly, tapping twice with her fan on thin air. "Swordsman! The debt hasn't been paid in due time, and I find myself unhappy! I won't tolerate this outrage anymore! If you have no money, I'll take your Princess as my servant and consider this matter settled!"

Misora's teeth chattered. "Oboy oboy oboy…! Don't tell me this is the psycho Chisame warned us about…!" she whispered under her shaky breath.

Madoka tilted her head to her. "Ah? What did you just say?"

Further apart, the white faced man tapped a finger on his red lips. "A certainly masterful dominance of the stage, with a lot of applomb and gravitas in the role! Also, she's a real hottie!"

Chizuru smiled at him, looking up and down as Natsumi discreetly shifted around her to stand at her other side, instinctively creeped out. "Your costume is excellently done, sir. I must admit it scared me for a moment…"

Flattered, the man turned his head aside to grace her with a wide, languid smile not too unlike that of a dreaming shark. "Why, thank you, not-so-little lady. I put what it seems like a full life's worth of effort into it! No expense was spared, or anything else for that matter. 'If you're going to do it, make a killing!', that's my motto."

"You even got the characterization pat down!" Chizuru marveled.

"Chizu-nee, please don't bother the gentleman…" Natsumi whimpered.

"Oh, ho, ho!" the pale man laughed. "I suppose I do. I'm a method actor, and although this is only my hobby, I live it as a job, nay, a mission! You know, anything to make yourself happy."

"Oh yes, I understand the concept," Chizuru nodded pleasantly. "And you do make a perfect Riddler!"

The pale man's face froze there.

The boy and the girl with him actually smirked in silence.

"The Joker!" Asakura urgently whispered to Chizuru. "He's… I mean, he's supposed to be the Joker!"

"Oh? Oh, yes, sorry!" Chizuru laughed it off. "Ara ara, I've never too big on reading horrible news of crime and madmen!"

Again, he smiled, narrowing his eyes and resting his weight further on his cane. "As expected from a girl your age. Although you, on the other hand, seem to have another kind of reference pool, don't you?" he idly asked Kazumi, who looked somewhat troubled all of a sudden.

"Yeah…" she hesitated, "I mean, yes, I do. To some degree…"

"Back off!" Setsuna was barking now. "I won't allow you to lay a finger on Ojou-sama! Turn back and never show your face here again!"

"I don't get it," Madoka asked her friends. "Setsuna didn't even know we were supposed to wear costumes, when did she get enlisted into an open air play?"

"M-Maybe she was in from the start and only pretending not to know…" Sakurako forced a smile.

Misora grabbed the cross from her chest and ran her fingers up and down it in terror, ready to toss it and run any moment now…

"I see," Tsukuyomi was saying now, holding up a hand gloved in white, and carefully peeling the glove off before a confused Konoka's eyes. "Then, Princess, your bodyguard's rudeness leaves me with no choice. We'll settle this in the field of honor for the right to your hand."

Haruna made a loud 'Squee!' sound. Misora grimaced again. The pale man unfolded the longest smile Natsumi had ever seen, yellowed teeth flashing out everywhere between the outstretched ruby lips.

And then, in a single and fluid motion, the shorter girl whipped the glove across Setsuna's face.

"Wasn't she supposed to simply toss it?" Hakase wondered.

"That's too simple for modern dramatic plays, I suppose," Misa had to shrug.

...

**I Have Been Challenged in an Incorrect Manner!- by Setsuna**

Being largely ignorant of a lot of Western traditions, and not being the type that really watched movies for fun, Setsuna didn't see the glove slap coming, since if anything she'd been on the lookout for a more traditional, and definitely deadlier, sort of strike.

"What's the meaning of—!" Setsuna growled, cupping her slapped cheek with a hand while the other gripped her blade's handle tightly. Behind her, Konoka gasped and tried getting a closer look at her face.

"I challenge you, Nameless Samurai, to a duel in 30 minutes, for the final fate of our beloved Princess," Tsukuyomi spoke loud and clear, as if reciting perfectly essayed lines. "The place will be the 'Nippon-bashi' opposite the main gate of Cinema Town. I know it's sudden, but please be there, will you?"

"Nippon-bashing?" Joker hummed to himself in English. "Huh, well, I always can get behind that…"

Chizuru, who actually understood English perfectly, arched her eyebrows in annoyance. Out of all the moments to be without a leek…

Right then, however…

As the crowd began to murmur at the sudden turn of events, a voice called out, "Not today, foul harlot!"

People turned to look at the source of the voice, Tsukuyomi and Setsuna included. Tsukuyomi's eyes grew wide, and she let out a surprised yelp as a potted flower flew at her face. She dodged it, barely, but it knocked off her hat, which knocked off her glasses, which bounced beneath the carriage.

"Ah!" Tsukuyomi cried, falling to her knees and feeling at the ground. "My glasses! I can't see without my glasses!"

Somewhere, one of five meddling kids sneezed.

Everyone but Michael, who scurried down from the driver's seat to help her look, ignored her, staring at the figure standing stop a convenient lightpost. Her body as mostly concealed by her red cape, her masked face slightly obscured by her twin tails blowing in the wind, the bells tying them back ringing occasionally. She slashed out one arm, throwing back her cape and revealing her heavy metal armor; breastplate, greaves, gauntlets, shoulder pads, the works. "Human life and liberty is without price or interest rate!" the armored figure declared grandiosely enough to make Dynamis sneeze all the way in Mundus Magicus. "Your questionable business practices requiring indentured servitude and forced marriage cannot be allowed! In the name of truth, love and justice, I, the magical wandering knight Tasagore Red, cannot allow this! Know that when the time comes, Chivalrous Nameless Samurai-kun shall not fight your evil alone!"

She struck another pose, head bowed, two fingers to her forehead, her cape streaming dramatically behind her, channeling everything she'd ever seem Tuxedo Kamen do when he wasn't trying to keep Gilgamesh from blowing everything up. People cheered and applauded at the show of it all. Michael and Tsukuyomi bumped their heads on the carriage bottom looking for her glasses.

Off to the side, Evangeline muttered to Maga Alba, "Tasagore Red?"

Konoe shrugged. 'Hey, 'twilight' is still a dirty word in these parts. I guess she didn't want to be named designated villain by association…"

"Well, as I was saying," Tsukuyomi tried to save face, brushing a few final chunks of dirt off her glasses as she donned them once more. "I shall be waiting for you there. I advice not trying to escape, or else…" And for a moment, her eyes became all black with shiny white pupils. "… _There'll be consequences_."

Misora tugged on Misa's sleeve and hissed/whispered, "Did you see that? Devil eyes! I've heard of that! Those are eyes possessed by a killer intent!"

"Calm down!" Misa whispered back. "Don't wet those panties yet!"

Setsuna held her ground firmly while Tsukuyomi hopped back on the carriage. "Hee hee hee! Remember, you have thirty minutes to prepare yourself! I won't mind if you bring help!" She waved a handkerchief as a mortified Michael drove the vehicle away, quickly disappearing down the street.

Tasagore Red quite inelegantly flipped her off, then turned to Setsuna with a flourish of her cape. "I will see you in half an hour, Nameless Samurai-kun. Right now, I have to.. uh, save a burning orphanage! Yes, that!, Mysterious Wandering Knight Tasagore Red, AWAY!"

In a flicker of light an a summoning circle, she disappeared.

"Was that really Yomi-chan…?" Konoka wondered, sounding disappointed. "She has changed so much…"

"… Yes. She has," Setsuna said grimly.

"She didn't even ask us how we were doing…" Konoka lowered her head sadly, pouting.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Haruna made her way through the interested, loudly chattering crowd, almost dragging a groaning Yue with herself. "What was that whole issue with that actress girl? That was far too real to fool me, although that disappearance special effect was cool! You knew each other from before, didn't you?"

"Paru!" Konoka blinked. "Well, to be honest, yeah, she's a childhood friend…."

"I knew it!" Haruna bit her lower lip. "A scorned lover from your past returns to stake her claim on your heart!"

"More like stake her blade into her heart…" Misa muttered. Angrily, Misora planted a foot on hers. "Yipe!"

"I don't understand…" Ayaka all but babbled. "Do you mean this is an actual sword duel? Isn't that illegal in this time and country, in the middle of a highly crowded place, like barbarians…?"

"Yeah, isn't it cool?" Haruna gushed. "Have you ever watched the _Spartacus_ TV show? Well, this is _soooooo_ like that, but with Samurai!"

"And hopefully without the H-scenes," Yue mumbled.

"Speak for yourself," Haruna said. "That's the perfect reward for a warrior after a bloody day of swordfighting carnage!"

"Haruna, don't joke about that!" Misora complained.

Keeping their distance, Ala Alba communicated amongst themselves thanks to a secretiveness barrier Negi had deployed. "Whew! Thanks for the summon out of there, Negi-kun. Well, now it's happened. You sure you want to let it happen?" Twilight Red asked, having ditched her armor as soon as the teleport was done and wearing a pair of glasses to hide her identity.

"Well, if I don't learn about my powers in this trip, Negi-kun will be stuck in a few really bad situations later, won't he?" Maga Alba said. "I know it's unnerving, but we'll only ruin everything in the long run if we fix this for them…"

"I know," her roommate grumbled. "It's just… Well, what if they do it wrong? So many times, we only pulled through by a near miracle… What if they come just an _inch_ too far…?"

"We must trust them the way we trust each other, Asuna," Erebus reasoned. "Or do you want to stay here watching over them for the rest of your life?"

"Well, it'd beat her being placed in hibernation for the rest of _our_ lives," Albert chuckled.

"Chamo-kun, let it go already!" Negi sighed. "Sailor Mars and I worked it all out in the end, didn't it? Anyway, I know we all can agree on not allowing our personal feelings cloud our duty of non-interference, isn't that right, Asuna? Konoka? Haruna? Sets—"

"Negi-kun, a little help here!" Deathnote whined from where she strained herself to her max trying to hold AngelGARd from behind. "Not all of us are crazy strong shounen heroes, you know!"

Sakurazaki bristled furiously in place. "How dare she…?-! Who does she think she is…?-! It's infuriating, having to relive this …!"

Erebus sighed. "Konoka, if you please…"

Maga Alba smiled and walked softly to her partner. "Of course I'll handle it, Negi-kun…"

...

**My Danger Sense… Tingling! You Think…?- by Misa**

"Well then, you'll be going, won't you?" Haruna asked eagerly. "C'mon, you can't lose face in front of your girl! That's against the way of the martial artist!"

"Don't you think she'll get in trouble if she goes around picking street fights?" Yue asked, mildly annoyed.

"We left Keiichi-san behind!" Haruna winked an eye at her. "What he can't see won't hurt us!"

"I think Kuro-san's somewhere around, though…" Natsumi tried to look at her surroundings, but the crowd was simply too big and thick. "Kami, it's difficult to even breathe here…"

"I haven't said I'll go!" Setsuna protested, all the while frantically pondering what to do. She felt like answering the challenge and settling the issue once and for all, but Konoka would insist on coming along, and she couldn't think of dragging her into danger, knowing Tsukuyomi didn't act alone now. Quickly, she took a middle ground and deciding leaving Konoka with Ala Alba before running to the duel, but she needed to shake her classmates off first…

Meanwhile, Misa pulled Sakurako, Misora and Hakase aside. "Wait a minute here, guys," she whispered. "How did this crazy girl know exactly where to find us?"

"Maybe she went all around Cinema Town until she found us?" Misora guessed.

"And how did she know we'd be at Cinema Town to begin with?" Kakizaki prodded.

"Perhaps we were tailed from the Inn," Sakurako said. "They already knew Konoka was there, so all they had to do was to wait for her to come out…"

"Yeah, but the other Negi and his pals had the whole area around the Inn patrolled and covered, remember?" Misa insisted. "What if we have an informant between us?"

"A mole?" Sakurako cringed. "I don't like the idea at all! Why would any of us do that?"

Misa shrugged. "Who knows? I think we should ask that other Honya to read the minds of everyone in the class, just to be sure."

Hakase considered it for a moment before nodding. "I believe it's a reasonable suggestion, yes. Then again, I could also get the same result from strapping them to chairs and running a complete program of psychoactive conditioning." She seemed fascinated by the possibilities now. "Ah! To think of all we could learn, if we found a person with such links! I might learn everything about Jervis Tetch's much flaunted mental influencing technology…!" A large dumb grin appeared on her mouth, and droplets of drool at the corner of it. "I never could properly analyze the headpieces their test subjects were wearing…!"

"We'll think about that later, okay, Satomi-chan? Right now, we must concentrate on looking after Konoka-chan. Which, I feel I must point out, we aren't doing right now like Negi-kun asked us to…" Shiina hummed.

Misa looked over her shoulder at where Setsuna was coping with their classmates' nonstop questions, with an unusually downcast looking Konoka at her side. "They're fine."

"Yeah, but Setsuna-chan can't do everything herself," Sakurako told her. "I'll call Calculator-chan and tell her. Maybe she has some ideas…"

"I think I'll try calling Negi in the meanwhile," Satomi discreetly placed her card on her forehead, while a scared Misora shielded her from the crowd with her own body. "… Huh. It's strange. I'm not getting any communication with him. Let me try with Chisame…" There was a longer pause. "Nothing, again. What was the range of these implements, again?"

"I think they're shuffling away!" Misa urged everyone. "C'mon, we can't stay behind! If we stop those guys ourselves, Negi-kun will be eternally thankful to us…!"

Dragging behind at the very back of the crowd, the pale man whistled to himself, happily. "Not bad for first contact," he mused. "Yes, I think I can work with this material! Truly Happy Material!"

"Are we really going to watch that insipid display?" Ruri wondered in a low, private tone. "They're all idiots."

"I'm almost certain we're being watched…" Quartum grumbled. "All the trouble we'd save ourselves if we just turned this town to the ground…"

Joker sniffed. "Ah, Quarty, a kid after my own heart…!"

Crouched in the rooftop of a building across the street, a large dark figure made the best out of the current situation and stuck to what little shadows were around to hide itself, like a true master of espionage and ninjutsu. Trailing the children from the Inn had paid off in more than one way. Not only had he found the unstable swordsgirl of two nights ago, but also the very reason that had brought him to Japan.

He pushed his binoculars back into his utility belt and swiftly moved in silent pursuit of the colorful figure down the street. _"Finally, I have you."_

...

**Why must we Get Ourselves Involved in this?- by Ako**

Haruna made a cellphone call as the merry gang of fools made their way down the streets of Cinema Town, with a sizable crowd following in interest, which bothered Setsuna to no end.

"Who are you calling now, Haruna?" Yue sighed stoically.

"Yuuna. I hope this can help her out of her recent funk, since she's always been one to appreciate a good public scandal..."

"I'll put a stop to it if you start getting out of hand, you hear me?" Ayaka was saying, fanning herself and sweating like a pig under her white makeup. Dear God, how could geishas walk around dressed like that all the time? No wonder they were so fast to strip for any man...

Wait, no, that had sounded so horribly wrong...

Not too far, Mana had wandered away from the Sport Girls to look for underground arms dealers (which always were there in any city if you looked hard enough. Yes, even in Japan. You don't really trust the official statistics, do you?), which left Akira in a rather difficult situation. With all her new duties as a Sailor Senshi, it had been a while since she had been alone with Yuuna, Ako and Makie, and during that time, _something else_ also seemed to have happened between the three of them, since they always looked so tense around each other. They never were like that when they were alone with Akira (well, maybe Yuuna, just a little), so Akira was fairly sure she wasn't at fault there, but she still hesitated to ask...

Makie said it for her anyway.

"Yuuna-chan, Ako-chan, " she said, sounding quite hesitating herself, but also straining to be heard loud and clear. "Don't you think we should be honest with Akira-chan already?"

Yuuna spat the soda she had been drinking. "MAKIE!"

Ako turned a suddenly ghastly pale face at the gymnast. "W-What are you talking about, Makie-chan? We aren't hiding anything from Akira-chan, are we?"

Ako, as awful at lying as always, Akira thought, not really surprised. She _knew_ they weren't being honest with her, and although she couldn't blame them with her own secret and all, she still felt slightly annoyed about the whole affair.

Makie inhaled and exhaled, stopping in mid-street. "This is going to destroy our friendship if we keep it up. We don't hang together anymore, and when we do, we don't even chat like we used to. One way or another, we have to stop doing this!"

"Even if you say that, it isn't a good idea to discuss it in public!" Yuuna said through gritted teeth. Well, actually, no one can talk like that unless they do ventriloquism, but close enough. It sounds cool, so we keep saying it even though it actually makes no sense. But we digress...

Akira took a deep breath. "It's okay, we can go somewhere else to talk it out. As a matter of fact, I'm at fault too, since I also have been hiding something from you..." she confessed, inwardly begging for Minako's forgiveness already.

"We already know you're dating Minako-san, Akira-chan," Yuuna said with blunt honesty.

"I'm not," Akira explained plainly.

"Huh, no hot and bothered denial," Makie blinked. "You're saying the truth! Aren't you?"

"Yes, I am," Akira said with infinite patience. "I'm okay with anything you three have to tell me, really. I doubt it's any worse than what I have to say..."

"You aren't in love with my Dad, are you?" Yuuna worried.

"I'm not in love with anyone, " Akira flatly said.

"Not even Negi-kun?-!" Makie gasped. "You aren't human!"

Akira blushed a bit. "What, what is that, I don't even—"

Makie sighed with relief. "Oh, I was worried for a moment. There's still hope for you!"

Ako looked like she wanted to protest, or maybe to cry, but before anything else could be decided, Yuuna's ringtone (the theme tune for _Slam Dunk_ ) interrupted them. "Wait a sec, Akira-chan. Yeah? Oh, it's you, what do you want? No, no, I'm with Ako-chan, Makie-chan and Akira-chan. Yeah, that..." she consulted her guide map, "That isn't far from there. Yeah, we can make it there in ten minutes. You know we walk fast. What's so important about that place?"

Yuuna frowned as her friends, intrigued, approached her.

"Setsuna? Really? Okay. Okay, yeah, I'll be there. But you know Akira and Ako dislike fights, so..."

"Fights?" Ako and Akira chorused, cringing at once.

Yuuna silenced them with a gesture. "Fine, don't sound so happy about it! No, I've told you I feel all right! I'm just maturing, that's all! Yeah, that's why my boobs are growing, thanks for noticing!" she grumbled before finishing, "See you there!"

Then she turned back to her friends. "Haruna said Setsuna was challenged to a duel for Konoka's hand, or some nonsense like that. They'll be fighting near the main gate, and looks like it's serious. No doubt you won't go, but—"

"I'll be there, " Akira said sharply. "Who... who was the one to challenge Setsuna-san?"

"Haruna said it was some girl with glasses, but it was all very vague, " Yuuna shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

Akira gasped to herself, remembering the insane girl with glasses at the train station. She and her friends had tried to kidnap Konoka, were they going to do it again?

"We... We should go," she decided, before slapping herself for putting her friends in risk. "I mean, I'll go! I'll try to convince Setsuna-san to stop! Someone could get hurt!"

"In that case, won't it be better if we all go to convince her?" Ako doubted.

"Yeah, let's do that!" Makie nodded firmly. "And then we... we finally can talk about that... other thing!"

Yuuna thought about it for a few moments before nodding as well. "Yeah, you're right. No point on dancing around it forever, right? Let's go!"

Akira inhaled as much as she could. Well, Minako had taught her the theoretic of slipping away from others as soon as danger situations arose. If push came to shove, she always could slink away with an excuse about visiting a nearby sick Kyoto aunt, or having an incoming case of explosive diarrhea, or some such lame thing no doubt stolen from a sitcom...

...

**Have I Mentioned I Hate Fights?- by Akira**

Akira, Ako, Makie and Yuuna finally arrived at the large site across the main gate, where a surprisingly large crowd had gathered around a certain focal point where the girls had to guess Setsuna was; it was very difficult to see with so many tourists blocking their way.

"Akira-chan, can you see them?" Makie asked the tallest of the quartet.

Akira nodded, holding a hand over her forehead to avoid being blinded by the bright sunlight. "Yes, I can. Want to hop on my shoulders so you can, too?"

"Can I? Yay!" And like a squirrel, the lithe gymnast was sitting on her tall friend's shoulders in a moment, smiling widely. It was easy to forget how strong Akira was, Yuuna pondered silently. "Oh yeah, I can see them there! Wow, Setsuna-san is _fetching_ dressed like that!"

Yuuna tossed her a camera. "Took enough pictures for us all, will you, Makie?"

"I will!" Makie promised, nodding and beginning to do as told. Setsuna was handing over Konoka to Nelly-san and her friends, seemingly calming her down with a sparse gesture and a few words downed by the crowd's chatter.

Near them, Haruna almost jumped up and down in place, giddily, while Yue just looked dejectedly at the now-empty juice carton in her hands. Chizuru looked slightly troubled for once, and Ayaka fanned herself, sighing time and time again. Asakura took photos from every angle, sometimes stopping to try and ask an annoyed Misora questions that only were waved away.

A pretty girl with short light orange hair (yellow hairband included) and glasses stood next to Ako, gawking innocently at the crowd. She had a stuffed black bunny with its plush guts hanging out, hanging from her pink handbag. "Ahhh! What's going on here?" she asked.

"One of our friends is going to have a sword duel!" Makie announced peppily.

"I just hope she isn't arrested…" Ako tried to laugh, but it came out very lamely.

"I wonder what could move someone as quiet as Sakurazaki-san to fight…" Akira mused aloud, dreading the answer all too well. And then it was confirmed when she heard a vaguely familiar soft chuckle coming from a nearby bridge over a small river.

"Fuu, fu fu fu fu…"

Akira, as well as most of the crowd, looked in that direction, only to have her fear confirmed. It was the insane girl from two nights ago, this time followed by a girl Akira didn't recognize. She was petite and slim, with long blond hair made in two big ponytails, and was wearing a French maid outfit as she followed the girl with glasses, who was clothed as a European aristocrat.

"I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, Nameless Samurai," the lead newcomer said loud and clear, again sounding as if reciting pre-prepared dialogue. "True to your honor, you show up right on time! May I ask everyone to back away just enough to allow us freedom of movement, please?" she politely asked the whole crowd. "We wouldn't want anyone getting in the way and _accidentally_ getting hurt, after all. Oh! And where is you loud companion from before?"

A potted flower slammed into her face.

"Ah…" Tsukuyomi slurred drunkenly as she swayed, while people laughed at the slapstick comedy. " _There_ she is…"

...

**This Strange Feeling From My Heart, Is It Good Or Bad?- by Nekane**

It wasn't the longest day of Nekane Springfield's life, but although not much actually happened then, it still was one of the most important ones of her whole existence. It began by waking up with an annoying sense of _deja vu_ , going through her usual morning business, checking the luggage one final time, closing the door to her cottage, locking it, then turning to hand the key to the next door neighbor.

"If you pick up the mail every other day, and water the plants, that should be all that's required," she told the tall man, bowing politely. "Of course, if someone does break in, please call the constable before you check to see what's missing. I know you used to serve in the Army, but I still don't want you to run risks for our sake."

"Don't worry about your house, Miss Nekane. I used to guard over two heir princes, remember?" the still handsome man with the scars all around his left eye assured her. "Regardless, when can we expect you to be back?"

Nekane shook her head, fighting the urge to wince. Mr. Gottwald had a knack for striking at the root of someone's concerns. "I don't know. I'll be over there as long as Negi needs me, honestly. Hopefully, we'll find Uncle Nagi shortly. That would be the happiest possible ending for all of us." It would, she told herself. It would. If she believed it was possible.

Mr. Gottwald was humming quietly, and Nekane suspected that the former soldier was picking up on her moods. To forestall a question she wasn't ready to answer, Nekane struck first. "I'm very grateful ."

Promptly, Mr. Gottwald laughed it off. "Oh, I can understand your concerns all too well. For a long while, after failing the person I was supposed to protect myself, I couldn't forgive myself over it. That moved me to take a lot of bad decisions, and ultimately made me fall in disgrace. It took a lot of efforts from a special person to help me find some inner solace."

Nekane smiled faintly. "Oh, I only hope I'm not taking the wrong decision by doing this."

"That's something only you can find out, Miss Nekane," the main said, absently tugging on one of the elastics of his orange-imprinted dark blue overalls. "I wish you the best of luck there, and I look forward to your eventual return."

"Thank you, from the bottom of my heart," said Nekane cheerfully. "I can't promise I'll be back anytime soon, but I know, sooner or later, we'll return here so you can see how much has Negi grown up."

Jeremiah Gottwald nodded. "And you'll be welcomed then, naturally," he said.

"Well, then. I'll be off," Nekane said, turning around and waving a hand up. "Be happy, Mr. Gottwald."

Jeremiah frowned slowly as he watched Nekane walk away with her suitcase in her hand. That had been an odd way of saying goodbye, hadn't it?

Then he sighed, turned around himself, and walked back to his house and his trees.

Nekane walked down into the village where she'd spent most of her life, reminiscing as she went. There were so many memories. She kept her mind off the more horrific ones, the night of pain and the long days of healing and rehabilitation that had followed, only remembering the good times now. But no one could hide from the past forever, and, in the fullness of time, her steps brought her to the building where the petrified villagers were stored.

She considered going down there to offer a farewell to her father's statuesque form, and to her grandfather as well, but before she could decide to do so, her contemplations were interrupted as someone came up the stairs and blinked in the light.

"Ah, Nekane," Donet said. "I hope you're well."

"Mrs. Velvet," Nekane replied with a nod. "I'm very well, thank you."

"No need for such formality, dear," the beautiful, short haired older woman said. "I sometimes think we've picked up a little too much Japanese, here. I've known you for, oh my, was it ten years ago that you started attending the academy?"

"It was eleven, actually," Nekane said. "But of course, you're right. Donet, then. Is the Magus well?"

"Oh, the old fool will probably outlive us all," the other woman said dismissively.

Nekane wasn't fooled for a moment. The stroke that had nearly laid the master of the college low a few months ago had had them all scared. His partner, the bodyguard he had chosen and who had worked with him for nearly twenty years, even after her marriage with a Clock Tower teacher, would never be so cavalier about his health. But rumors had to be squashed.

"Are you here to visit them?" Donet asked abruptly.

"I was considering it," Nekane admitted. "After all, I am leaving for Japan later today, and anything can happen once one gets on a plane—"

"It's the safest way to travel, dear," Donet interrupted.

Nekane didn't agree with those statistics; while there might indeed be more automobile accidents than airplane crashes, people were more likely to walk away from the former than the latter.

"Well, I'm just glad that someone visits them. I didn't know most of them, of course, and it's not as though they can hear anyone talking, or understand how sorry one is ..." Donet trailed off, looking back at the doorway.

Nekane just nodded. "But on the other hand, maybe you're right. It's silly to be worrying about the chance that I might never see them again, just because I'll be taking an airplane trip today," she said without too much thought. Again, she felt the whole thing was troubling her probably more than it should. She wondered why. And she was having those vague _deja vus_ again... "After all, I might as well worry about vampire attacks, or getting hit by a meteorite."

"That's a much healthier attitude," Donet said approvingly.

"Mm. Shall I remember you to Akashi-sensei, should I see him?" Nekane asked.

Donet laughed. "No!" she said casually. "No, I think that's a conversation that I'll have to have personally, one of these days. I don't think he has any need for us anymore. But fine, tell him Waver sends his regards," she added after a moment of consideration. "And that we might be visiting soon. Waver hasn't said anything, but I've seen the addresses of the mail that's been coming in, and apparently some pet project of his out east has him worried."

"I'll do so," she promised. She hadn't ever met Akashi in person, but Mrs. Donet and his husband had told her enough about him.

"Well, never mind me then. Good day to you, and enjoy your trip." The older woman sauntered off, looking a little more depressed than she had earlier.

Nekane looked again at the door. Her father and grandfather weren't down there, she knew. Wherever what had made them into themselves was absent from the stone forms their bodies had been transformed into. There was no point in visiting, or apologizing to them.

But then, she mused a little while later, as she went to the graveyard, there was no point either in apologizing to the earth where a corpse had been interred, years ago, a corpse that would long since have returned to its basic elements. But she still paused at the marker where her mother had been laid to her rest when she was not that much older than Negi, offered her heartfelt farewells.

Again, she had a mildly haunting feeling of something missing, something that had just been erased from her life before even existing at all. It was a terribly disturbing sensation, like a bony icy finger creeping up her spine, but she dispelled it quickly.

Once she was done, she walked away from the town, up to the bus stop, and looked down over the town where she'd grown up for what she somehow felt might be the last time. "Goodbye," she said, just a minute before the bus trundled up. And then she boarded it to begin the series of transfers that would eventually take her to Heathrow Airport.

The bus was delayed when a car driven by a quirky gentleman on vacation named Bean crashed against it, so Nekane missed the flight she had hoped to take...

**\- To be continued...**

...

A/N:

...

...

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...

**Taiga Dojo!**

"Hey, hey! Good evening, everyone! I'm your teacher on the sciences of survival from now on, Fujimura Taiga-sama! Call me 'Tiger' and you'll die! Next to me, you'll see my lovely Loli assistant in the requisite fanservicey P.E. bloomers, Ilya-chan, but if I see you start wanking off to her instead of me, I'll kill you, freaks!"

"My name's Evangeline McDowell! The Queen of the Night! The Apostle of Destruction! The Mistress of Puppets! The All Encompassing Death with No Escape!"

"... Huh, they couldn't get me Ilya-chan on time? Well, I guess you'll do for now."

"You have no idea who are you addressing, do you, woman?"

"There, there. Just stand there and watch, I'll teach you how it's done. Listen, maggots! Now I'll give you a series of important clues to make it through this Visual Novel! Grab that paper and that pencil and get ready, you illiterates!"

"We are in a fanfic, not any sort of—"

"Don't jump the gun, kiddo. Alright, students! First rule of the Taiga Dojo- You don't call Taiga-sensei 'Tiger'! This ain't _Toradora_ either, so don't call me 'Aisaka Taiga', 'Palm Top Tiger' or 'Shana clone'! That's another Taiga!"

"... **Kiddo**?"

"Second rule! You **do** talk about the Taiga Dojo! You'll spread the news to your classmates! You'll preach the virtues of our happy training together! And you'll do that because I'll turn you into real men and women! When I'm done with you, you'll turn Ala Rubra memberships down... because they'll be too wimpy for you! You'll get more romantic interests than _three_ crappy fanfic self inserts put together! _Skysaber_ self-inserts!"

"You called me _kiddo_! I'll kill you!"

"Later, kiddo, later. Third rule of the Taiga Dojo! Never forget the first and second rules! Now listen, I'll give you a fresh hot tip to avoid dying again, like Nanoha did this chapter!"

"But that girl didn't die! You will, but not her!"

"Eh, she was just saved by plot and we know it. Anyway, the first thing you must do when playing this game is rejecting the help of the creepy little vampire girl and her freaky mechanical companion! Otherwise, they'll suck your blood out and leave your shrunken head in their trophy room, like it happened to Nanoha!"

"That didn't happen, I don't collect heads, and I'm that vampire girl, you idiot!"

"... Huh. So you are. Small world!"

"I freaking hate you, moron."

"You should have thought of that before signing for 13 episodes of this."

"I NEEDED THE MONEY!"

"Didn't you have a lot saved?"

"I-I- I just happened to have some major bad luck at investments!"

"Really? I heard you blew your whole personal fortune in dolls, sex toys, consoles and videogames."

"Shut up! I'll be making a comeback soon!"

"Sure you'll do. Anyway, that's it for tonight, students! Study hard, or else you'll become disciples of Hibiki Dan's Saikyo Dojo!"

"You'd actually send them _there_? Even I'm not that cruel..."

...

**The Holy Church of Chaos- by OverMaster**

There is not a single confirmed origin source for the Cult of Chaos. For that matter, the cult itself has so many branches, born out of its very divisive and erratic nature, it is nearly impossible to follow a single detailed evolutionary line for its development through the ages. Any resemblance to Christianity is purely coincidental.

However, the Cult was certainly created in the Old World, far before the colonization of the Magical World. Many claim it preceded most other religions, especially the monotheist ones, of which it can be seen as a predecessor. While most Chaos doctrines did not deny the existence of other deities, their followers declared only adoration of the Mother Goddess of Chaos was needed.

The Mother Goddess of Chaos, labeled 'L-Sama' in most Chaos text books, was believed a male entity for most of the Dark Ages, leading to her being named 'The **Lord** of Nightmares' up to this day. The name itself points at the deity's supposed nature as a mostly cruel and sadistic entity, although her worshippers argued such traits were only manifested when contact was attempted while lacking the proper preparation to placate the Goddess' anger. L-Sama is not supposed to be a goddess of malice or evil; instead, her often horrific actions are born out of a capricious, slightly child like nature. To pacify such whims, the cultists resorted to ceremonies and rites which varied wildly between branches of the church. The most extreme factions resorted to frequent human sacrifices and reading Twilight, while most groups favored entertainment actions that, while often bordering the grotesque, helped to bring forth what we know today as theater.

L-Sama, it was said, was born before Time itself, and thus She has always been. It has been told she dwells in the Golden Sea of Chaos lying under creation, spawning multiple realms and destroying them at will, often with little to no reason. Several polytheist religions, even many not directly related to Chaos cults, agree on her giving birth to the first generation of gods and devils.

The Cult of Chaos placed a special emphasis on free will and action for its affiliates, so divisions were frequent, and a strict order was effectively nearly impossible to place in an unifying role over all factions. However, a few overall traits were shared by most divisions of the whole. Generally, it was believed a gigantic, beast like tentacle armed overlord known as Shuma-Gorath acted as a universal prophet figure of sorts for L-Sama, with some going far enough to suggest it was her High Priest. Through the spread of the revived Chaos teachings through Europe and North America during late XVIII century, all of XIX century and early XX century, the influence of said teachings reached the arts and culture of the Old World. Writer H.P. Lovecraft was said to learn several secrets of the Chaos orders during his time at Arkham Academy (founded by Nicodemus Arkham, grandfather to Arkham Asylum founder Amadeus Arkham), which he would adapt for his highly successful Myths of Cthulhu books.

Most followers of the Church also believed in a figure named the Messiah of Chaos (not to be confused with the Messiah of Silence invoked by the cultists of Destruction), who as supposed to raze both worlds down to then instate a better, cleaner new world upon their ashes. This figure was generally believed to be female, although a few sects taught the possibility of it being a man. It has been theorized the mysterious figure only known as the 'Lifemaker' studied and served these doctrines before finding them unfitting his (her?) goals and rejecting them, although the notion of wiping a world off to create a better one seemed to have remained in his (her?) own doctrines.

Eventually, accusations of conspiracy, treachery, anarchy and depravity brought by the most radical factions, added to the Church's lack of inner cohesion and solidarity, brought its own downfall after its latest big burst, around the middle of the 20th century. No signs of current activity of such groups have been found for decades, although there have been whispers about the Cult still having a devoted following amongst the Mazoku race, of which very little is certainly known either.

...

**The Mysteries of Aphrodite and Eros- by Darkenning**

The exact origins of the Mysteries are not known. It is believed that they may have begun as a reaction against the increasingly philosophical view of the Olympian deities, and Aphrodite in particular, in the writings of Plato and Aristotle. These academics were inclined to regard the more "earthly" aspects of the myths, most particularly the rampant incest among the gods, as metaphors. The followers of the Mysteries disagreed.

Initiates into the Mysteries were divided into two groups. The first, identified with Psyche in the foundation myth, and thus called Psychics, were people who had not been born to someone already initiated into the Mysteries. Their initiation required them to be symbolically married to another member, if they were not already actually married to one, and undergo various ordeals (the details of which were kept secret) before being accepted as an initiate. Psychics were not permitted to hold any of the higher offices of the Mysteries, but were subject to fewer strictures.

The second group, identified with Eros and thus called Erotics, were the children of Psychics and other Erotics, born into the Mysteries. Their only initiation was to complete a ritual sex act with a High Priestess of the Mysteries, preferably as soon as they achieved sexual maturity, after which they were considered fully initiated into the mysteries. They could advance to hold the higher offices, but were subject to a serious stricture. Erotics were strictly forbidden from entering into permanent relationships (marriages, generally) with other Erotics. Casual, temporary relationships were permitted, and even encouraged, regardless of whether those relationships would be accepted by the outside world. But Erotics were supposed to enter into permanent bonds with Psychics, ideally by bringing them into the Mysteries.

There were four higher offices of the Mysteries. The Warrior (identified with Ares) was responsible for the security of the Mysteries and their participants, protecting them from intruders. The Craftsman (identified with Hephaestus) was responsible for dealing with outsiders, specifically the civil authorities, through negotiation.

The High Priestess (identified, of course, with Aphrodite) was the leader of a specific temple of the Mysteries. There was no greater organization than the temple, though the High Priestesses of Ostia were known to have communications with one another. Hers was the only office that was restricted to a female. Vague claims that the office was sometimes filled by female impersonators are viewed as slanders of the religion.

The Sage (identified with Athena) was responsible for maintaining the records of the temple, as well as keeping its observances within the norms of the religion. Interestingly, the Sage was required to be celibate and chaste, much like Athena herself. (Given that most people joined the religion in search of sex, this was not a popular office. It is said that the requirements were honored more in the breach than in the observance, but again, this is slander.)

The Sage was able to veto the decisions of the High Priestess, when they conflicted with the official laws of the religion. However, the Sage could in turn be deposed by the High Priestess, who then had absolute authority to appoint a new Sage, one who would probably be far more amenable to the ideas of the High Priestess. As such the veto was seldom employed.

Once admitted into the Mysteries, one was a member for life. Only a serious crime could result in expulsion. Of course, revealing the details of the religion's practices was one such serious crime, as was the rape of another member's spouse or child. (Note, rape here refers to the act of kidnapping or theft. Under that understanding, it was impossible for any acts committed against one's own wife or children to be considered rape. Yes, this was despite being a female-run religion.)

The Mysteries became extinct on Mundus Vetus sometime in the third century of the common era. They continued on Mundus Magicus, particularly in Ostia, well into the twentieth century, but were dealt a lethal blow by the destruction of Ostia. A few temples survive in the Megalomesembria, but membership is said to be dwindling. The religion is officially proscribed in the Empire of Hellas, due to the abhorrence in which it is held by the local Christians.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Superman**

Doomed planet. Desperate scientists. Last hope. Kindly couple.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Catgirl Waitress**

Growing up in the slumps of Old Ostia, daughter of impoverished war refugees, Lulu grew up surrounded by adversity, until a fateful meeting with an old lady who had served in the Mysteries of Aphrodite and Eros taught her how to use her sex appeal potential to become the damn best supplier of Fetish Fuel in the whole Ostian country. She used her abilities for the benefit of both mankind and animal-kind as the most beloved waitress in the local restaurant and tavern circuit!

She still has to live in a rented room, but she's getting there. She gets good tips

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Tendo Akane.**

Kimiko lowered her head in shame, holding the bedsheets against her front. "Soun never must learn about this, please."

"Are you crazy? He'd kill me!" Genma sweated while he pulled his pants back on. "Unless Nodoka found me first, and that'd be even worse!"

And that's the reason why in this iteration, Genma pushed Ranma to marry Nabiki and not Akane...

Not that it mattered. They STILL ended up doing it.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Raising Heart**

"It's done," Rind said as she placed the dormant Intelligent Device amidst the ruins. "Now we only have to wait 300 years for Scrya to unearth it, believing it's a relic from this inferior civilization. Hopefully the young Takamachi will get it this time, and not that prissy friend of hers..."

"Alissa-chan won't be that bad a girl," Peorth patted the Goddess of War and Weapons on the back. "Well, if it's over, what if we go for some drinks now?"

"I'm still on duty."

"That's your excuse every time..."

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Nitta-sensei**

"You're hired," Dean Konoe said, visibly relieved to finally have someone relatively normal around.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Hitou Nami**

Hitou Tarou and Sendo Megumi, a perfectly normal couple of perfectly normal Tokyo college students, met, fell in love, married and had a perfectly normal girl. The Thousand Master was never involved, and neither were any other members of Ala Rubra or Emperor Alladia.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Kagero Usui**

... Who?

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Hawkman**

... No. Please, no. Let's not go in there, please?

...

**The Secret Origin (and First Appearance) of Unequally Rational and Emotional Mamiya Otaru**

"So, this is Otaru-kun. He has no mother, I met his father in a training trip, he fell off a cliff and died," Ranma said.

Genma-Panda looked aside innocently and pulled a sign out. _I swear it wasn't my fault. We were sparring in a friendly way, that's all! He just backed up too near the cliff and slipped!_

Akane and Nabiki cringed. Little Haruna, barely a toddler, looked up from her bowl and smiled at the little tanned boy with a mouth full of pudding.

"You want us to raise another kid?" Nabiki questioned.

"He'd be the first student of the new age of our Dojo!" Ranma argued. "We haven't had one ever since Bruce ran away! I'll never forgive that little—"

"Ranma-kun," his wife crossed her arms, "Bruce went away to live a billionaire playboy's wonderful life in America. I think you _can't_ blame him for leaving!"

"He chose the way of a pussy, not a real man! I'll bet he'll let his training wear down!" Ranma shook a fist.

A moved Akane crouched near the scared boy and smiled gently, patting his chocolate hair with its dark blond streak. "I think I can take care of him. Yep, I always wanted a student of my own..."

"The idea is making him stronger, not weaker, Akane," Ranma said.

With the acquired skill years of coexistence had given her, Akane just punched her brother-in-law's face without even looking back at him.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Wolverine**

_Deep inside of a huge Mansion in Salem's Lot, USA:_

"Logan, you must relax your mind if you want me to sort through your fake memories," Professor Xavier patiently requested _again_.

"Just tell me what you've found so far, Chuck," the shirtless short man lying on the metal bed asked, hands crossed over his hairy chest.

"Well, I think I've narrowed your real name to James Howlett, Patrick Rakan, Roberto Gomez Bolaños, Hugh Jackman, or Cathal Dodd," the Professor informed. "You apparently were indeed born in Canada, and Sabretooth is either your father, your son, your older half-brother, or someone completely unrelated. Oh, and apparently, you owed my father two hundred dollars. Going with the interests rates, that should make now—"

"I think I'll go f'r a beer, thank you for your time..."

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Motsu and Shichimi**

... Yeah, right, like anyone would want to read that.

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Uzumaki Naruto**

"Kaede-nee!" Fuuka said. "Tell us the tale of the fox demon that attacked your village!"

Kaede looked up from the homework she was badly struggling with (and losing worse than she would have against an Averruncus) and turned to the twins, who grinned impishly at her from their shared bunk. "I thought you two hated scary stories-de gozaru."

"Oh, they scare us a lot, alright!" Fumika said.

"But that only spurs us to stay even closer all night long!" Fuuka giggled, while they hugged each other tightly.

"You've gotta cut down a bit on that. It's becoming unhealthy," Kaede sighed, closing the book. "Okay, a lot of years ago, life in my village was peaceful, but then a huge nine-tailed fox came from the mountains and began devouring all people on its wake, destroying our homes as well..."

Two hours later:

"And then the resurrected dead began attacking our village en masse. Seeing the danger, my parents decided to— Huh, are you asleep already?"

Fuuka and Fumika snored softly on each other's necks, with their hands loosely slid into their pajama bottoms.

I mean, like you haven't watched or read Naruto, why would you need a complete retelling here?

...

**The Secret Origin of Unequally Rational and Emotional Harry Potter**

In the current iteration observed by Chao Lingshen, the female author known as J.K. Rowling wrote seven highly famous books starring a child mage: _Harry Potter and the Man of Unknown_ , _Harry Potter and the Little Green Boxes_ , _Harry Potter and Ron the Death Eater_ , _Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality_ , _Harry Potter and the Girl-Who-Lived_ , _Harry Potter and how Hogwarts became a Nudist Colony_ , and _Harry Potter and the Electric Boogaloo_. These books quickly gained worldwide popularity, despite rampant accusations of promoting witchcraft, sorcery, worship of the occult, stalking Emma Watson, graduating to _Twilight_ , and staging plays of _Equus_.

The magic community denies any and all links to Mrs. Rowling and the world of actual magic, claiming she wrote on pure baseless guesses and any similarity of her magic system with any real one was pure coincidence.

Despite this, however, a Caster Servant some have identified with the character of Hermione Granger was summoned during the Third Holy Grail War, an instance made all the more puzzling by the fact of the books not even being written by then.

...

**Ponyqually Rational and Emotional**

"You can go in without any fear, Miss Rarity. There's nothing wrong in there".

A bigger lie had never been told before.

But trusting the light blue-furred mare's voice, since it was as sweet as... well, cake, the young Rarity had nodded and walked in first. Only to stop immediately and yelp in horror at the sight of the scene waiting for her instead.

"M-M-Mrs. Cake!" Rarity screeched, rushing back to bump against the older mare. "What's that pony doing there?"

"Oh my!" the place's owner looked in, contemplating the delirious situation for a moment before calling out, "Pinkie Pie!"

"What?" the pink pony inside smiled, waving her tail, which had several colorful balloons tied to it. The whole room around her was fully covered by party decorations. "I only wanted to welcome my new roommate! WELCOME!" and she jumped into the white unicorn, laughing her head off and tackling her down to the floor.

"Okay, for starters, I can say we're going to have a few changes in the decoration here..." Rarity sighed.

...

**Equally Irrational and Emotional**

"You can go in without any fear, Mr. Nygma. There's nothing wrong in there."

A bigger lie had never been told before.

But trusting the bespectacled doctor's voice, since it was as calm and even as a man could sound, not to mention there were four guards pressing prodding sticks against his back, the not-so-young Riddler had nodded and walked in first. Only to stop immediately and yelp in horror at the sight of the scene waiting for him instead.

"Doctor Arkham!"

"Yes, Mr. Nygma?"

"Two-Face already is in this cell!"

"Well, yes, we've had a few problems since the last mass escape attempt, so half of the cells of this wing are being rebuilt. I hope you won't mind being cellmates for the time being."

"He's clawing the left side of his face off! There's blood everywhere!"

"Ah, indeed there is. Mr. Dent, the skin grafts are meant to help you! Stop ripping them off, will you?"

Two-Face grunted. "Just give me a damn coin already!"

...

**_From the Files of Chao Linghsen, Time Traveller, not to be Confused with Chao Lingshen, Time Renegade_ **

**Full Name** : Kasuga Misora.

 **Known Aliases** : The Mysterious Sister, The Shame of the Order, Dat Ass (by her unofficial fanclub), Sonic The Hedgehog.

 **Alignment** : Cowardly Good.

 **Religion** : Catholic, although her parents are Buddhists (they still respect her decision, though). Although her stand and role in the Order she serves aren't those of an actual nun, she truly believes the Catholic dogmas, even if she really doesn't have the discipline to exactly act like a fully devoted Christian.

 **Sexuality** : Heterosexual, much to Cocone's and Senou Kaede's (also known as Shadow Crystal Mage) distress. However, getting drunk seems to turn her Nodokasexual.

 **Family** : Kasuga Kyosuke (Father), Kasuga Hikaru (Mother), Kasuga Takashi (Paternal Grandfather), Kasuga Akemi (Paternal Grandmother, deceased), Kasuga Kurumi and Kasuga Manami (Paternal Aunts), Kasuga Akane and Kasuga Kazuya (Paternal Cousins in the second degree). It's noteworthy to point out Misora is one of the few 3-A students who actually get along quite well with their relatives.

 **Affiliations** : The Mahora Branch of the Magdalene Order, alongside Sister Shakti, Father Garterbelt, Sister Yukariko, Sister Eda, Sister Caren, Sister Ciel and Sister Cocone. Father Kotomine isn't an official member, but shows up at least twice a week to use the bathroom, be a creepy annoyance, and have long and mysterious private sessions with Sister Caren.

 **Background** : Born the daughter of a young man with supernatural powers and a mundane young woman, Misora didn't inherit the latent superhuman powers of most of her relatives on her father's side, so she was made to study magic to compensate. Unfortunately, the girl lacked the dedication and drive to excel at her magic studies, becoming a mediocre mage at best.

Misora preferred to devote her energies to the track and field team, where she excelled as the school's best sprinter. Even so, she hasn't made any close friends there, and her best friend remains her roommate and Order companion, a ten year old child from Mundus Magicus named Cocone Fatima Rosa (see File- Immigration Test Subject Number Eighteen).

At the start of the last term of Class 2-A, Misora met Negi Springfield, and had the idea of taking advantage of his naïveté to gain a Pactio from him for herself, in the hopes of gaining easy powers and accolades. However, after interacting with Negi closely, Misora developed actual romantic feelings for him, and despite her fears, helped him to overcome Evangeline Mc Dowell along Hasegawa Chisame, Hakase Satomi and Kakizaki Misa.

During the recent incidents with Ala Alba (note to self: Research more on the subject), Misora trained under Sakurazaki Setsuna, who has taught her to make her a better use of her super speed Pactio powers in battle. She remains fiercely competitive with Misa over their affections for Negi.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Misora is a mage in training, but until very recently, her lack of interest on studying meant she has only very basic magical skills, limited to basic spells. She shows no particular affinity for any special element. When in battle, she always brings a supply of the Order's Holy Water and several crosses that can be used as explosive throwing weapons.

Misora's greatest boon in combat is her Negi-granted Pactio, which lends her a pair of running shoes granting her amazing super speed. Not only she can run at incredibly high speeds, but she also can perform all sorts of activities at speeds far surpassing the range of normal human beings. The exact limits of this speed are still untested, but they should grow higher if she continues training or she gets a Permanent Pactio.

Even without the Pactio activated, Misora is an excellent runner and is in quite good overall physical shape, with only Asuna being able to approach her in track and field activities, out of all 3-A students (regrettably, Chachamaru's body is still too heavy to perform properly at such activities. I could upgrade it easily, but doing it so soon in the timeline could raise unwanted questions).

She also can mimic voices rather well, for what it's worth.

...

**_From the files of Chao Lingshen, Temporal Renegade, not to be confused with Chao Lingshen, Time Traveller:_ **

**Full Name** : Albert Chamomile

 **Known Aliases** : Chamo, Chamo-kun. "That Damned Perverted Ermine!", "EEK! A RAT IN MY PANTY DRAWER!"

 **Alignment** : Pactio Sexy

 **ECL** : Invincible- he's a butt-monkey advisor, and thus immune to all harm!

 **Sexuality** : ERMINE DOLLARS!

 **Family** : claims to have a sister to support but is probably lying.

 **Affiliations** : Ala Alba, The United Magical Girl (& Boys) Association, The Magical Animal Advisors Association and Support Group ("We're still relevant, damn it!")

 **Background** : Chamo met Negi when the boy was young after Negi freed him from a trap he'd been caught in. This somehow led to a strange friendship between the two. When Negi left for Japan to become a teacher, Chamo followed a few months later, in time to help Negi establish his first Pactio with Asuna, somehow managing to officially become Negi's familiar.

Since then, Chamo has been there at Negi's side all the way, serving as Pactio-purveyor, source of random insight, tactician and immoral support. When the group that would someday become the United Magical Girl (& Boys) Association was coming together after that Book of Darkness incident, he tried to form an Omniscient Council of Vagueness with the other magical mascots. It did not turn out so well, as Yuuno was offended he was considered a mascot, Luna was turned off by his perversion, the Kaleidosticks considered themselves proper working girls and too busy to mess around, and Arf ratted them out. The group barely managed to push through, but only as a way for Artemis to get away from his girlfriend, and Kero and Zafira to have someone to play Counterstrike against.

 **Powers and Abilities** : Chamo knows how to draw Pactio circles and never loses the opportunity to get Negi to do so. Despite his apparent perversion and dirty old man attitude, Chamo possesses surprisingly deep insight in tactical matters, able to help construct a battle plan with five minutes time and at least one girl with a Pactio or the inclination to make a Pactio. He also claims to be able to 'rate a girl's heart', enough to construct frighteningly accurate 'love charts' of a girls levels of attraction to Negi.

A self-admitted coward, he is still deeply loyal to Negi, and has never left his side without intent to return with reinforcements. Despite being a general butt-monkey and barely tolerated as a pervert, his word is surprisingly as valued as the other advisors.

...

**Author Notes- Sasaki Makie by OverMaster**

\- At first, I had absolutely nothing in special ever planned for Makie. True to her carefree, whimsical personality, the character has written herself along the way, and even now, I prefer to let her run free instead of assigning her a more or less fixed path (like I have with other girls). That is to say, I still have no idea what will happen to Makie in the end.

\- Having Madoka and Homura as her mothers was something that started as a whim of mine for an oneshot gag, but it has taken a life of its own as a likely plot point. Don't be shocked if they turn out to have a bigger role later on.

\- While Kyubey **can't** ever offer a contract to Makie for reasons to be explained later, if she ever became a Puella Magi, she eventually would turn into an extremely powerful Witch. Maybe she'd become the Unequally Walpurgisnatch?

\- Having Makie establishing carnal relationships with Ako and Yuuna was a plot point that developed over the march, and I was highly unsure about for a long while. It seems to have worked out more or less okay so far. Having her that way seems a nice contrast to Darkenning's Makie, although for all her experience, she still has a childlike view of the personal meanings behind their actions.

\- She actually is one of the most likely candidates to become Negi's, ahem, "first time" at some point way, way into the series' future.

\- For a short while, I tended to get her last name wrong as 'Sakaki', due to the influence of some reference subtitles and scans that got it wrong. You can thank Shadow Crystal Mage for the correction!

...

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow and OM, signing off.

...

**_Next Time, in Unequally Rational and Emotional:_ **

Kampfer and Kampfer clash again, with The Batman caught in the middle, as the Dark Knight finally catches on his worst enemy in a way he never expected!

Tsukuyomi and Setsuna go at it again… sort of!

Someone gets shot through the chest!

A high speed car chase!

Negi and Kotaro fight for the first time ever!

Haruna and Haruka learn to use their Pactios!

The next chapter is full of dynamite action, in a frantic struggle to keep Konoka safe as a true mercenary army attacks 3-A from all angles! What is Chigusa's true trump card? You'll never guess the answer! Let's meet again in a chapter we call "Just like in the Movies!"

 


End file.
